March 28 | 2023

What happened when

I met Gwyneth
Encounters with the actress starring in a courtroom drama
2 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times

times2

Choking someone for

The day I got up
sexual kicks isn’t ever Gwyneth Paltrow’s
testimony in court
acceptable — it’s abuse may seem out
Robert Crampton of touch — but
having met her,

I
read my colleague not only not weird, but now
Hadley Freeman’s
column in The Sunday
a standard aspect of sex to
which they ought to submit. I see it differently,
Times this weekend Humans are hardwired for
in a growing state of self-preservation: oxygen says Charlie
shock. She described deprivation is something we
how, on three desperately strive to avoid, Gowans-Eglinton
occasions, a man had not embrace. I’m in no

S
choked her in bed. I then doubt that the vast majority ix months ago almost to
read the section in Escape, of women subjected to the day, I watched as
the book she references, choking do not like it, to put Gwyneth Paltrow
written by another it mildly. rounded the curve of a
journalist, Marie Le Conte. What shocks me is why sweeping staircase in
Le Conte writes that choking men, so-called normal men chunky white trainers and
during sex was “mainstream” who aren’t sadists who a suit made of slouchy
among those under 40. “If I were colleagues — in their forties, ought to be locked up, would jersey to join us, a group
to rank it,” she says, “I would say thirties and twenties respectively want to strangle their lover in of about 40 (mostly) women taking
it sits somewhere around the — confirmed how widespread the first place. The easy answer her Goop cruise through the south
light spanking mark . . . not so out the practice is. I suppose when is the malign influence of of France and the Italian Riviera.
of the ordinary that you would Men’s Health carries idiotic protracted youthful exposure to She seemed to be drinking the same
mention it to someone.” articles headlined “How to do pornography. Such exposure has, special green juice that I had been
Readers around my age, 58, will choking safely, according to it is argued, normalised sexual having each day, in between exercise
appreciate how I felt. Never mind experts” I should have known behaviour previously thought classes with a celebrity trainer, anxiety
incorporating strangulation into asphyxiation-as-foreplay had extreme. And yet it is possible to workshops, shamanic shaking with
sex, we belong to a generation become, if a long way from view porn without going our eyes closed, tarot readings and an
where the “light spanking” Le normal, then at least normalised. anywhere near clips of men impromptu guitar jam session inside
Conte references is itself regarded All three women said they had choking women. a sauna with crystal walls. Everything
as a bit weird, a bit pervy, a bit encountered it, along with being A correctly socialised teenage was just what Gwyneth loved, her
“why would you want to hit slapped, hair-pulled and spat on boy in receipt of the correct tanned, slim, blonde Goop team
someone, or be hit by someone, (eh?!) by male partners. None had moral guidance would shut down promised me, and now she was sitting
in bed?” As regards throttling a welcomed any of these actions. such content in a cold sweat a metre away from me, a walking
partner, a phrase I am shocked to I should emphasise that these should his cursor so much as embodiment of what those green
find myself writing, that belongs were not super-traumatic inadvertently hover over a link. juices and morning workouts and
in my mind to the realm of encounters with evil psychos but Yet evidently lots of boys and wellness deep dives could do.
bullies, abusers, thugs, otherwise consensual acts with young men blithely consume the As she cracked jokes about the Gwyneth Paltrow arriving in court in
misogynists, rapists. Very niche. otherwise normal blokes. Not dodgy stuff, presumably not hangover from her 50th birthday
Very sinister. Very illegal. pleasurable in any way, but not, knowing it is dodgy. They then celebrations and, when her onstage Because this isn’t the same Gwyneth
I would regard even pretending I gathered, a massive deal either, expect to mimic it when their sex guest hesitated over the use of Xanax who sat across from me and warmly
to strangle a partner as an such is the extent to which lives begin to encompass people and Benzodiazepine, parried with, and purposefully shared little
outrage. If a male friend told me formerly minority, hardcore other than themselves. “Oh no, I might have taken one on the confidences with Goop acolytes. Her
such behaviour turned him on, aberrations have entered the Therefore, older people, overnight flight on the way here,” the testimony on the damages she
that friendship would end. If I everyday bedroom experience. parents, specifically fathers, are laughter was manic: too loud, too long. suffered, that she’d bought a full day’s
contemplated doing it myself, I’d The youngest colleague told me not doing their job properly. “I’m extra sexy today,” she said of her ski pass but didn’t ski in the afternoon
get therapy. And let’s be clear, the that several of her female friends Shame on them. They should be slightly hoarse voice, talking to us following the accident, going for a
choking under discussion, which did enjoy the experience. I’m telling their sons that all sexual all like we were old friends, or were massage instead, was particularly
a study last year found almost sceptical about that. I fail to see violence is despicable, full stop. about to become old friends, as if she tone-deaf during a cost of living crisis.
60 per cent of female students in how partial suffocation by We’re not in groovy, liberal, “each were telling us a secret. Her audience She answered most questions with a
the US had experienced, does not someone physically stronger, to their own” territory here. We’re would have put on tinfoil helmets if bit of a smirk, like a celebrity keen to
refer to play-acting, but actual someone you don’t necessarily not talking dress-up or role play. she’d asked us to, and what is luxury
hands round the throat, pressure know well, can be anything other We’re talking about actions that wellness if not a tinfoil hat for the
on the windpipe, possible-loss-of- than terrifying. I find it more are at best distressing and very wealthy seeking the secret to
consciousness suffocation. WTF? likely that some young women, degrading, and at worst deadly. eternal youth?
When I got to work yesterday not yet fully confident, have been This behaviour should not be up Fast forward to now and Gwyneth’s ‘I’m extra sexy
morning three younger female persuaded that being choked is for discussion. It’s just wrong. latest public speaking appearance,
during which attendees have even today,’ she said,
the abysmal public by the post-pandemic — these days, but
more access to the queen of wellness
than I did, and without the ticket price
as if she were
Sturgeon transport characteristic
of everywhere in the
backlog. I have many
friends in their thirties
luckily, months can go
by without having to
or seasickness. Gwyneth is on trial,
being sued for $300,000 damages and
telling a secret
UK that isn’t a very who cannot drive, and get in a car. When I do, countersuing for $1 damages and her show up an inexperienced interviewer
is driven. big city, being able to many others who can reluctantly, in the legal fees, over a skiing collision that on the red carpet. As she was sworn
drive is a liberation. but hardly ever do. I’m passenger seat, the happened at the Deer Valley resort in, raising one hand to swear her
So am I My nephew and niece one of those. Indeed, traffic, the struggle to in Utah seven years ago. oath, she held a large bottle (glass,
in the Edinburgh I’m the opposite of the park, the closed-off The real question — because a not plastic) of water in the other;
At the age of 52, Nicola suburbs qualified at 18. Sturge: having passed roads, the cameras, wealthy retired optometrist who as she took the stand with it, she
Sturgeon is learning to Their social and my test (at the fourth the bad manners and initially tried to sue the wealthier audibly muttered “put that there”,
drive. Good for her. professional lives attempt) aged 18, I the short tempers add Paltrow for $3.1 million is not a David as if she was setting up for a Zoom
She thinks acquiring required it. But my have been steadily up to the opposite of that I can rally behind — is whether call with her own staff, without a
the skill will give her children, in their unlearning to drive for liberation. Walking, or not this trial will do lasting damage worry in the world.
“more personal mid-twenties in years now. cycling, the bus, the to brand Gwyneth. Goop has been My first thought? What kind of
freedom in the next London, have not felt I do about 500 miles train, even the Tube — valued at $250 million and the women water it might be, and whether it
stage of life”. I suppose the need, although my a year, all of them in all are way preferable. that buy into it are paying a premium might make me well, and where I
in Scotland, a sparsely daughter is having rural France. I’d The car: no longer the not just for the products, but for might buy it. Where I might buy her
populated country, lessons, her test struggle to drive in key to freedom, more Paltrow herself. Will this trial take navy skirt, navy blouse and chunky
much of which suffers continually postponed London — on the left! a last resort. some of the shine off? boots. And who does her highlights.
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023
close to the Goop queen (but not on the slopes)
Utah last week. Right: in 2018
And what did she have on her
skin? She didn’t look cowed, or
reverential, in the slightest.
Honestly, would you expect her
to be? She was acting in her teens,
guided by actress mother Blythe
Danner and director father Bruce
Paltrow. Gwyneth has walked
into more intimidating rooms
than this, has been walking into
them all her life, and for her to
seem intimidated — nothing
could be further off-brand.
Of course, $300,000 isn’t a
life-changing amount of money:
her ski trip might have cost a
good chunk of that, with the best
ski instructors, perhaps private chefs
and masseuses, and somewhere to lay
her head. She can make $300,000
selling nine pastel jungle gyms
($34,000 a pop) on Goop. But only
if people are still willing to pay that
premium for the Gwyneth adjacency,
her ultimate seal of approval. So she
needs to stay aspirational to the
point of otherworldliness, and
transcendent beings are not moved
by the trials of mere men.
We’ve had a run of high-profile
televised court cases to watch in
recent times: Depp v Heard; actresses
Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin
paying to have their children accepted
to the best universities; conwoman
Anna “Delvey” Sorokin; Theranos
fraudster Elizabeth Holmes. And,
off-screen but via court reporting,
the Wagatha Christie rollercoaster
between Coleen Rooney and Rebekah
Vardy. Some have been turned into
glossy TV dramas, and the women
in these trials have had every stiletto
and neckline scrutinised and
immortalised.
This is primetime stuff, and
Gwyneth knows primetime. The
case studies are there, should she
wish to see the public judgment
leveraged at the women who repent,
cry, shrink from the camera. Then
there’s Naomi Campbell’s infamous
testimony at the Hague about
receiving blood diamonds from the
Liberian dictator Charles Taylor, and
the immortal line: “This is a big
inconvenience for me.” Tone-deaf,
completely unrelatable and now part
of the supermodel’s legend.
Cold condescension is a punchy
choice for the witness box, especially
for an actress able to deliver her
testimony in whatever character she
might choose. But perhaps Gwyneth
has it spot on. She’s built an empire
not on warmth or girl-next-door
cutesiness, but on being better than
everyone else. More committed to
her health, her workouts, her diet.
A few weeks ago she made headlines
when she shared her diet on the
podcast The Art of Being Well, and it
involved intermittent fasting until
midday, bone broth or soup for lunch,
and a veg-heavy paleo dinner. I
thought it was frankly irresponsible,
when so many are influenced by what
she does, to share a diet of mostly
bone broth. But I also thought,
chicken or beef?
She is one of the few very thin
celebrities who doesn’t pretend to eat
pizza regularly to seem more
relatable, because true Goop fans
don’t want to see Gwyneth eat a
hamburger, or drink tap water, or fly
economy. Her personal brand is built
on extreme fame, extreme beauty,
extreme thinness. On steaming
vaginas and naming one child after
a lunchbox fruit and the other
after the parter of the Red Sea
(both Apple and Moses are
expected to testify). Rooney
won public praise when she
wore Zara to court while Vardy
wore Prada, but Gwyneth
doesn’t need to win the mass
market vote. When you are in
the business of flogging one
single fluid ounce of “elixir vitae”
skin serum for $490, then you can’t
look like an everywoman even for a
second, even in a courtroom.
Gwyneth is an Oscar winner. So
yes, she could have acted like she
cared, like she didn’t think this whole
thing was beneath her. But this is a
little civil lawsuit over an amount of
money that she could easily charge
to cut a ribbon somewhere. Her
security team offered treats to the
bailiffs and, while some might see that
as a bribe, I truly believe that in
Gwyneth’s world this is just another
public appearance in the calendar, and
those usually come with Goop goody
bags. Hers is not an attitude that’s
going to win her a woman-of-the-
people moniker or have people
offering their babies’ heads to kiss on
the courtroom steps, but it might be
the right attitude to preserve her
legend, and that’s what sells.
Amagansett,
New York
‘Gwynnie’s house manager
let me in’ by Jane Mulkerrins
D
own a leafy, sun-dappled
lane in the Hamptons,
Gwyneth Paltrow’s beach
house was, ironically, not at
all tricky to find. The local
taste for low-key white picket fencing
boldly eschewed, Paltrow’s five-
bedroom, seven-bathroom, 7,000 sq ft
Amagansett home is entirely
concealed from view — and, crucially,
paparazzi lenses — by a huge, black,
fortress-like security fence.
It was mid-August 2018, mid-
afternoon and 30C. I’d schlepped by
train from New York City — three
slow, sweatily shunting hours away —
and walked, as slowly as possible in a
futile attempt to remain “fresh”, from
the nearby station.
Jeffrey, the polo-shirt-and-short-
uniformed “house manager”, buzzed
me into the gated compound, greeted
me at the front door and ushered me
into an expansive, airy lounge filled
with low, pale furniture, a grand piano
and vast, muted works of modern art.
Beyond the French doors, an
immaculate lawn stretched away
to an orchard.
I perched on one of the huge,
low, pale sofas — far too low to
properly sit on with any sort of
dignity — while Nicholas, another
uniformed flunky, fetched me a giant
goblet of iced water.
When the lady of the house
materialised moments after my arrival
she appeared entirely immune to the
punishing humidity, crisp and cool in a
tiny pair of cut-off denim shorts and a
black ruffled sleeveless blouse.
Tanned, freckled, make-up-free and
soon to turn 47, she settled (with all
her dignity intact — I guess it must be
something to do with core strength)
cross-legged beside me on the sofa,
practically levitating with vigorous,
glowing good health. I struggled not to
stare too obviously at her flawless,
foal-like legs, wondering whether with
Tracy Anderson as my personal
trainer and my own $250 million
wellness empire I too could one day
own thighs like those.
Before my visit, friends had not held
back with their feelings regarding
3
times2
Paltrow. “Tell her that her miso
turnips changed my life,” gushed one
over coffee; “Pedlar of bullshit
pseudoscience,” spat a less approving
commentator on text.
I’d arrived with genuinely no such
preconceptions either way about
Paltrow — or GP, to everyone who
knows her — who, in a reversal of
traditional interview roles bombarded
me immediately with questions.
Where had I travelled from today? Did
I live in the US? Had I married an
American yet? She missed British
people and our enthusiastic drinking
and swearing habits, she sighed.
I found her funny, warm, engaging
and, save for her at times earnest
phrasing (employing the words “family
of origin” and referring to herself as
“an integrity”), surprisingly self-
deprecating.
She told me about her father, the
late director Bruce Paltrow, taking her
to one side when she was about 27 and
cautioning her: “You’re getting weird
— you’re acting like a dick.”
And, she freely admitted to me, she
was. “When you achieve the kind of
fame that I did by the time I was 25
or 26, the world starts removing all
your obstacles because you’re now a
‘special person’,” she told me wryly.
“You don’t have to wait in line at a
restaurant, and if a car doesn’t show
up, someone else gives you theirs.”
And my personal piece of Paltrow
wisdom I have invoked regularly
ever since: “There is nothing worse
for the growth of a human being
than not having obstacles and
disappointments and things go
wrong,” she said.
Jeffrey eventually reappeared to
tell us we’d run over time, that
Paltrow had a call waiting, and she
bade me a warm goodbye before
levitating back upstairs.
I’m a professional, and would like to
state that I’ve never done this before
or since, but on my way out the golden
Goopy light in the smallest room in
the mansion was just too good to
resist. I took a selfie in Gwyneth
Paltrow’s downstairs toilet. And I
reckon she’d be all right with it.
4 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times
arts
Rats in a sack — who’s up and
Are Kendall, Shiv and Roman getting the better of Logan?
Has Greg blown it? Ben Dowell on the shifts in series four
here’s no escaping the
T
parallels between
Logan Roy, the titanic
media mogul from the
HBO drama
Succession, and
Shakespeare’s King
Lear. Even ignoring
the fact that Brian Cox, who plays
Logan, gave the world an
unforgettable Lear at the National
Theatre in 1990. And that Logan and
Lear are ageing bullies who have
foolishly entrusted their spoils to
ungrateful children; Kieran Culkin’s
Roman called Logan “the piss-mad
king of England” after he went
temporarily doolally because of a
urinary infection in series three.
No, there’s an even more obvious
clue in the name. The name Roy
derives from the French roi, so it’s
fitting that we have King Logan, our
now flailing, ageing antihero.
So, as the fourth and final series
started this week, are we approaching
a tragic end similar to that which
befalls Shakespeare’s ancient Briton?
Will this latter-day Lear in a Learjet
finally go mad and be cast out on
Manhattan’s blasted heath? Could he
die before he bequeaths his empire to
a successor?
Well, after the opening episode of
the new series, broadcast yesterday,
the omens aren’t looking good.
(Spoilers follow.) Having bested his
kids — or the “rats”, as he now calls
them — at the end of series three by
selling his company to a tech giant,
they have now got one over on him.
Pivoting away from a ludicrous media
venture called the Hundred, Shiv,
Kendall and Roman got wind of his
attempts to buy the liberal media
empire Pierce Global Media and
swooped, outbidding Logan and
agreeing on a tag of $10 billion
(or “ten bill”).
“Congratulations on saying the
biggest number, you f***ing morons,”
Logan spat at them, hoping to have
the last (swear) word. His anger
only pleased his kids more. They
knew he was rattled. The last we
saw of Logan he was slumbering
in an armchair watching his news
network ATN and hating what he saw.
The late-night anchor looked like a
“ball sack in a toupee”, he told ATN’s
sleepy executive Cyd Peach on the
phone. “Are you f***ing losing it,
Cyd?” he asked. But was he talking
about himself?
We all know the power game will
end with this series, but after the
first brutal exchanges it’s not looking
good for quite a few of them. Here’s
the state of play in the fortunes of
the characters.
Down
Logan
Brian Cox
The old rascal has suffered a body
blow, but he has come back before,
and will have a plan for the sale of
Waystar Royco and for the fallout
from the lost Pierce deal. But has the
Cousin Greg
(Nicholas Braun)
fight gone out of him? He seems lost
and lonely, and could barely bring
himself to smile at his own birthday
party, which he abandoned for supper
with his bodyguard Colin, whom he
called his “best pal”. “Everything I try
to do, people turn against me,” he said.
“Nothing tastes like it used to, does it?
Nothing’s the same as it was.” Could
Colin be in for a surprise windfall
one day?
UP
Kerry
Zoe Winters
Logan’s new “friend, assistant and
adviser”, as she styles herself these
days with a clearly rehearsed line, now
has Logan’s ear as well as, one
assumes, a place in his bed. Although
she had to bite her tongue when she
was on the receiving end of some
particularly cruel abuse from Roman,
might she have the last laugh by giving
birth to the ultimate heir? Nothing
would surprise us. She has clearly
consolidated her position, feeling able
to send Cousin Greg’s gauche
girlfriend Bridget packing from
Logan’s birthday and advising her
friend/lover/boss on his deal-making
when the stakes were high. She’s
looking strong.
UP
Kendall Jeremy Strong
Shiv Sarah Snook
Roman Kieran Culkin
Team Rats seem pretty pleased
with the Pierce acquisition, but
have they paid too much? Clearly
they have succeeded in rattling
their hated papa, but now they
have to breathe life into
something that Roman at
the start of the episode
called a “corpse
of a f***ing
legacy media
conglomerate”.
At least they’re
not at each
other’s throats
(yet), which
is refreshing. Tom Wambsgans
And if anyone (Matthew
knows about Macfadyen)
legacy media
conglomerates,
it’s this lot.
DOWN (and probably out)
Connor
Alan Ruck
When is Connor not down? The dim-
witted presidential hopeful has 1 per
cent of the vote share. It’s a foothold
that he needs to protect from being
“squeezed down”, using either a
$100 million injection of campaign
funds or a “hoopla” wedding (to his
poor fiancée Willa) that becomes
part of the “news cycle”. Maybe he
will surprise us, but so far he has only
been the butt of jokes. Even Cousin
Greg knows that 1 per cent is the
“lowest number”.
DOWN
Cousin Greg
Nicholas Braun
It was not a good night for Greg, who
brought to Logan’s birthday party a
wildly inappropriate date called
Bridget, who took selfies and posted
them on social media. He admitted to
a “rummage” with her in one of the
side rooms, prompting Tom’s cruel jibe
that he had provided Logan with a
“sex tape” via the security cameras in
Kieran Culkin, Brian Cox, Alan Ruck and Jeremy
his home. Greg explained himself to
Strong as Roman, Logan, Connor and Kendall Roy
Logan in the middle of the Pierce
talks, then stupidly acquiesced in
Logan’s call for a roasting during the
high-stakes negotiations with the
Pierce conglomerate. Gerri (J Smith-
No big bags please —
Cameron), Karl (David Rasche) and
Frank (Peter Friedman) weren’t dumb hrough three seasons of
enough to join in, but Greg stepped up
to call Logan a “mean old bastard” and
ask where his kids were. Is he King
Logan’s Fool? He’s one Logan might
tire of pretty soon.
DOWN
In the first
episode
Greg’s date
gets it all
T Succession’s endless rounds
of parties, weddings,
launches, openings and
exotic vacation conferences
the Roy family showed us how the
other half-percenters live and badly
conduct themselves and bitch about
Tom each other while chowing on trays of
Matthew Macfadyen
It didn’t help that his call to Shiv, wrong. Korean canapés and swilling
Japanese single malt whisky and
his estranged wife, gave the game “hyperdecanted” chianti.
away on his boss Logan’s bid to buy Simon Mills We have learnt what particular
Pierce. That may come back to bite tog of sleeveless puffer is correct to
him. That his marriage is now over on the do’s don at a media retreat in the
may have finally sealed his fate. Is Adirondacks and whether it is OK to
Tom’s sole worth to Logan his
usefulness in keeping tabs on Shiv?
and don’ts do “ankle cleavage” (go sans socks) at
a prenuptial drinks party. We are now
Tom tried to get
assurances from the
at an elite hip to high society’s discreet way of
jettisoning a misbehaving girlfriend
boss about what
would happen if gathering at a lavish family get-together.
(Quietly bung her on a private jet
his marriage home while no one else is looking —
imploded, and got “love ’em and Lear ’em”, as the
back the cryptic and Eagles’ Don Henley used to say.)
not especially Now, with the fourth and final
reassuring line: “If we’re season upon us, comes another
good, we’re good.” Tom’s pernickety etiquette tip from
only chance is that he Succession’s stained classes: Tom
may, at the last, have Wambsgans’ big bag theory.
put a Wambsgans bun In episode one Shiv’s hapless
in the Roy oven. husband cruelly berates gormless
Could he be the Cousin Greg for his badly judged
father of the choice of plus-one at Logan’s intimate
successful successor birthday party. “And why has she
in Succession? brought such a ludicrously capacious
From here on bag?” Tom whines. “What’s even in
in, anything’s there? Shoes for the subway? Her
possible. lunch pail?” The suggestion being
Succession season that the woman’s excess baggage —
four is on Sky oversized and inappropriate and
Atlantic and Now brandishing its identity via an overly
on Mondays shouty pattern and logo — is the
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023
who’s down in Succession
the rules for partying with the super-rich
accessory of a déclassé bridge and
tunnel type (remember Melanie
Griffith in Working Girl?). Someone
who wears sneakers on the Staten
Island ferry then changes into court
shoes for the office, who takes
her own packed lunch on the
subway, who may have come to
the party straight from her desk.
It actually turns out that
Tom’s judge of character skills
are on point — Greg’s date has
her coat fetched for her when
she is caught asking grouchy
Logan for a selfie.
So in case you are invited to
a cosy family cocktail soirée
thrown in honour of a
multibillionaire’s birthday, here
are a few more rules from the
Wambsgans book of modern
party etiquette.
1 Bad breath bubbles
If white wine or champagne are
offered on reception, politely ask
the waiter for something vodka-
based and therefore odourless
and less likely to give you the dreaded
Piper-Heidsieck halitosis. “Champagne
breath is like vomit,” the designer Tom
Ford has said. “It’s like bulimic breath.”
2 Yes we canapé
If you party, you must learn how to
canapé. Finger food can be ugly,
clumsy and all drippy down your front.
So make it easy. Go for one-bite
creations only: arancini, credit
card-sized bruschetta, mini burgers.
Eat in one mouthful. And don’t treat
finger food like a dinner, “wolfing
down the canapés like a famished
warthog”, as Wambsgans says of
Greg’s date.
If you are caught mid-conversation,
take a tempura prawn with one hand
and a paper napkin with the other,
carry on speaking while
nodding a smiling thank you
to the waiter, hold the snack in
hand until it is time to let your
conversational partner speak,
and only then open your
mouth to consume. One bite,
a few chews, a dab of the
napkin, continue conversation.
NB canapé consumption is a
strictly upright discipline. If
you sit down to eat a collected
plateful of arancini or a
mini cone of fish and chips
you’ll look like a child at the
grown-up party.
3 Don’t be a lambrusco
cheapskate
Bring wine to the party and
spend at least £18 on it. At a
proper vintner’s, not a branch
of Tesco Metro. You’ll need to
Bridget (Francesca blow £40 if it’s bubbles. Hand over to
Root-Dodson), the host, but don’t expect her to open
Greg’s date with it. If you are a non-drinker, very well
her “ludicrously done you, but bringing a bottle of
capacious bag” “alcohol-free spirit”, no matter how
poncey it looks and how “botanical”
it claims to be, is unacceptable.
4 App and stance
“. . . is she from the Apps?” Logan Roy’s
assistant Kerry asks of Bridget,
Greg’s date for the party. The “Apps”
being not an obscure New York City
neighbourhood or a posh condo block
in Manhattan but bro code for online
Shiv Roy (Sarah Snook)
dating websites, services and apps,
particularly Tinder and Grindr.
So let’s Wambsgans this one: you
simply don’t take first-time Tinder
dates to family get-togethers. Or,
indeed, any place where you expect to
bump into your friends and family. It
is spectacularly awkward for you, your
date and everyone else you encounter.
I have a very wealthy and terminally
divorced friend who does five or six
Tinder dates a week, often arranging
to meet his liaisons for the first time
in the company of his never less than
flabbergasted drinking buddy friend
group. If you ask, “How did you guys
meet?” and she replies, “We just met
tonight, actually,” you’ll know that
she is “from the Apps”. And as Kerry
correctly points out, this is an
adult-orientated event. “We’re not
f***ing Shake Shack, Greg.”
5 Kissing to be clever
Ever since Covid-19 wreaked havoc on
the social calendar party kissing has
lost a lot of its pucker. The rule is for
less now; no kissing on first meets,
then a light double air kiss, preferably
at least six inches away from any
actual lip-to-skin contact and
soundtracked by two breathy and
histrionic MWAHs at each vaguely
affectionate sally. If it’s a man-on-man
situation, all post-pandemic politesse
goes out of the window. There is bear
hugging, lip slobbering, neck pecking
— the full returning Cossack routine.
6 Social care
Have a social PA as your plus-one,
preferably someone who knows
everyone. When you completely forget
5
arts
someone’s name and fail to introduce
your pal, he leans in and says: “I must
apologise — my friend is so rude. I
am Alexander De Moneypants, and
you are . . .?” Face saved. Social PA
also good for pocketing used
cocktail sausage sticks after one-bite
consumption (see No 2).
7 Champagne googles
Keep your iPhone pocketed. No selfies
(you are not a teenager), and don’t
even think of starting an anecdote that
involves an impromptu public viewing
of a canine TikTok-er or a YouTube
clip of a skiing “fail”. But do, by all
means, go into the loo and google the
heck out of someone you just met.
And then emerge from your
porcelain-based swiping adventure
reeking of Jo Malone hand cream and
brimming with intel on said person.
8 Vape
Smoke ignited cigarettes outside
(whether the host has requested it or
not) and check if it’s OK to vape
inside, with the host and with your
fellow guests. Make sure your device
is small and unobtrusive, that your
chosen flavour is inoffensive and not
sickly odoured (watch out for words
like “Blast” and “Doritos” in the brand
names), and don’t leave a fluming vape
trail of pink every time you take a puff.
9 Social disservice
At adult drinks parties, one must
presume social media to be an
unwelcome guest. Past the age of 30,
Facebook is not the place to put
drunkenness, bad dancing, infidelity,
casual drug use, bad lighting and
still-healing plastic surgery on show.
So if you are going to negroni like a
boss, no Instagram, Twitter or TikTok.
Especially at funerals.
I know a man who took an
inappropriately aged young girl to a
wake for the recently deceased friend
of an aristocrat. Thrilled at the size of
the host’s house, his contemporary art
collection and a kitchen large enough
for equine surgery, she began live
streaming a fawning “OMG-this-crib-
is-so-sick!” TikTok feed, thoughtfully
hashtagging the “event” with an RIP
and sad face emoji.
10 Crystal tips
Don’t clink glasses with every person
you encounter. It’s gauche, a bit
puerile and overly ceremonial. Raise
your glass, nod and smile.
11 Drunk in charge
Being known as “the life and soul of
the party” is a backhanded
compliment that can often be
alternated with “drunk”. So enjoy the
entertainment; just don’t be the
entertainment. Don’t chase the drinks
waiter around the room on a mission
for the last two vodka lime sodas on
the tray. You’ll look like a tragic old
soak. Piers Adam, a former nightclub
host and one of those men whom rich
kids and poshies always wanted to get
drunk with, found a solution to the
problem. If “shots” were suggested,
Adam would dutifully line up jiggers
of tequila on the bar, do the salt and
lime thing and the collective 3-2-1
countdown . . . then craftily chuck the
contents of his glass over a shoulder.
6 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times

health
Mental illness takes a huge toll
on physical wellbeing. Here’s why
Dr Mark Porter
The fitness
anti-ageing
A
new study by a team lumps and rectal bleeding may be
from King’s College ignored or not reported as promptly
London showing
that people with
mental illness age
faster and die
as they should be. Blood pressure
readings go by the wayside. And
weight often rises, sometimes as a
result of poor diet and a sedentary
QA secret:
younger than their lifestyle, but also as a side-effect of Do older drivers
peers is the latest in medication such as antidepressants need an eye test

cycling can
a long line of research confirming the like citalopram and mirtazapine, to check they are
close link between mental and antipsychotics like olanzapine, and the safe to drive?
physical health. It shouldn’t come as mood stabiliser lithium.
a surprise that ill people die sooner, Little surprise, then, that people with It is thought that
but few appreciate the scale of the serious mental illness are up to three nearly two million
potential impact of illnesses such as times more likely to have high blood drivers on British

add years to
anxiety, depression and bipolar pressure and twice as likely as their roads don’t have
disorder on conditions including peers to be obese and/or have type 2 good enough
stroke, heart attack and cancer. diabetes. All of which, in turn, have eyesight to meet the
The link is strongest in those with serious implications for their general minimum legal
the more serious mental illnesses, health and wellbeing. standard (being able
such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder Then there is the impact of more to read a current-
and severe depression, but exists
across the spectrum. According to a
review in 2018 by Public Health
England, people with more severe
mental illnesses die, on average, up to
20 years earlier than the rest of the
population. Suicide is the single
subtle factors, where just having a
mental illness may affect how you are

Few appreciate
style number plate
at 20 metres — with
corrective lenses if
required). And while
many are older, lots
are younger too.
At the moment
your life
biggest cause of these premature
the potential mandatory testing Regular pedalling helps to
deaths, but it is estimated that about (for car and bike
two thirds are due to largely
preventable physical conditions such as
impact of anxiety licences) only takes
place when you first
prevent one of the key causes
premature heart attacks and strokes.
And if you widen the net to include
and depression get your driving
licence. You then
of mobility loss and ill health,
anyone under 75 who has ever had
contact with NHS mental health
investigated and treated. For example,
if doctors focus too much on mental
have to reapply at
70 (and every three the experts tell Peta Bee
services, the link with poor physical wellbeing when caring for someone years thereafter),
health remains all too evident. they may miss, or dismiss, worrying but while you must
Compared with the general population physical symptoms. declare that you can

they are five times more likely to
die of liver or lung disease, three
times more likely to die of a heart
attack or stroke and twice as likely to
be killed by cancer.
There are myriad factors behind
the relationship. If someone is
struggling with anxiety or depression
it’s easy to understand how their
priorities may change, and diet and
lifestyle are unlikely to top the list.
Or, to put it another way, trips to the
gym and healthy eating are often
among the first things to go, while
unhealthy habits such as drinking,
drug abuse and smoking become all
too common.
Screening appointments like
mammograms and smear tests are
more likely to be missed. And
worrying symptoms such as breast
The extent of the issue
6 In the UK 20 per cent of the
population has some degree of
mental health issue; 30 per cent live
with a long-term physical condition.
About 10 per cent of people (five
million people) have both.
6 As well as the harm to the
individual, the effect of poor mental
health on physical conditions is
estimated to cost the NHS at least
£8 billion a year.
6 For more detailed information
on the link between mental and
physical illness, search for the
“Severe mental illness and physical
health inequalities briefing” at
gov.uk
Fortunately, the physical wellbeing
of people with mental health issues
has moved up the NHS agenda in
recent years, but there is still plenty of
room for improvement, and patients
and their families can do their bit to
help. Don’t fall into the trap of
thinking that mental illness is “all in
the mind”. It is not.
Try not to neglect your physical
wellbeing and do take up invites for
screening and reviews when offered.
And if your physical health has never
been raised by those looking after
you, take the initiative (or do so
on behalf of a relative if they are
struggling). As ever, the squeaky
wheel gets the grease.
And the relationship works
the other way around too.
Very little is “all in the
body”. Mental health
issues, particularly
anxiety and
depression, are
common in people
with physical
conditions and can
exacerbate those
conditions. Imagine
someone in constant
pain because of underlying
back problems or arthritis.
Treating their missed
depression won’t fix their
back or joints, but can
improve their pain relief and
quality of life.
If only we could come up
with a catchy term to describe
this whole-body, holistic
approach. Oh, hang on . . .
M
pass the number idlife cyclists people. Normally the thymus that
plate test, it won’t will tell you produces infection-fighting T-cells
actually be checked. there are many shrinks and becomes less efficient
This is no good reasons for with age, but lifelong cyclists appeared
substitute for a getting on a bike to have thymus glands capable of
proper eye test and — not least that making as many T-cells as young
all drivers should it makes you healthy people.
have them regularly. healthier, What was lacking, says Professor
I am 60 and have slimmer and won’t wear out your Alister Hart, the consultant
one every two years knees like running. But even the army orthopaedic hip surgeon at the
despite not needing of Lycra-clad diehards might be Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital,
specs to meet the surprised to learn that spending time who led the new trial, were studies
legal standard. on two wheels can have such a potent exploring the effects on muscle health
If you drive while anti-ageing effect. One of the first in everyday recreational cyclists. “It is
unable to pass the studies to look at how recreational an area that is so important since the
legal minimum cycling affects the muscles has thrown weakening of muscles with age —
standard — or up some startling statistics and shown
don’t wear your that it dramatically improves the
glasses/contact health of an ageing body, potentially
lenses if adding years to your life.
required — Cycling remains one of the most Cyclists had
you face
penalty
popular forms of exercise in the UK,
with about 10 per cent of people much lower levels
points, a hefty
fine and even
getting on a bike at least once a week
and 13 per cent cycling once a month.
of fat infiltration
immediate
suspension
To date, most studies on its
physiological effects have focused
of their muscles
of your heavily on either the cardiovascular known as sarcopenia — is one of the
licence. benefits for overweight people or on key causes of mobility loss and ill
Or a long specific performance-related muscle health in older adults,” he says. “We
prison changes in elite cyclists. Evidence that wanted to see if cycling helped to
sentence if it might help to slow at least one prevent it and has another sort of
you fatally aspect of ageing came in a study from protective effect against ageing.”
injure a the Institute for Inflammation and To do this, Hart and his colleagues
pedestrian, Ageing at Birmingham University five recruited 28 committed male
passenger years ago. Immune cell biologists recreational cyclists, with an average
or other there showed that committed cyclists age of 49, who had routinely clocked
road — men who could ride 100km in up more than 4,349 miles, equivalent
user. under 6.5 hours and women who to an eight-mile daily commute to and
could cover 60km in 5.5 hours — aged from work on Monday to Friday, or
55 to 79 had much more youthful longer more ad hoc rides including at
immune systems than sedentary weekends, each week over the last
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023
year — and had been
cycling regularly for about
15 years on average. “They
were a very long way from
being elite but were
enthusiastic,” he says. “In
fitness terms they’d be on a
par with people who train
for 10km, half marathons or
marathon events for fun.” A
control group of 28 self-
declared “couch potatoes”
was sourced via the Office
for Health Improvement
and Disparities’ couch to
5km programme. Those in
the “inactive” group had
been doing less than one
hour of exercise a week and
had not played any sports
for an average of 27 years.
Part of the inspiration for
the study came from Hart’s
own experiences. A keen
runner, he had completed
marathons before taking up cycling
four years ago. “Like a lot of people I
increased the amount of cycling I did
during the pandemic lockdowns and it
became really apparent to me that it’s
an activity that heavily recruits large
muscle groups,” he says. “I wanted to
see precisely if and how cycling
changes muscle composition and
whether we could provide any clearer
insights into how people can live well
for longer.” Using specially developed
technologies that apply artificial
intelligence to the MRI process, he
was able to build a complete and
detailed picture of the muscle
make-up of every participant.
Your
muscle
mass can
decrease
by about
3-8 per
cent a
decade
after 30
Remember to stre
“Muscle analysis used
tch
to be a laborious and time-consuming
process that took two days per person
to complete, which meant it was rarely
used for recreational exercisers,” Hart
says. “Yet the refined automated MRI
method we have developed gives us
muscle fat readings within ten
minutes, which makes it much easier
to test larger samples.”
What they were looking for was the
percentage of fat within two muscles
— the gluteus maximus and gluteus
medius — situated in and around the
buttocks. Both are heavily engaged in
cycling but more importantly play a
key role in supporting the human
body in everyday movement. “These
are the walking muscles,” says
co-author Johann Henckel, an
orthopaedic surgeon. “They are the
muscles that allow for human
locomotion and are essential for
holding the pelvis upright so that we
can move.”
With inactivity, obesity and age,
muscle all over the body becomes
more marbled with fat. “We don’t yet
fully understand whether muscle turns
to fat or whether fat infiltrates muscle
in some other way,” Henckel says. “But
we do know that excess amounts of fat
infiltration can be harmful to health.”
High levels of fat in muscles also
makes them weaker and their
accumulation over time is thought to
be an important factor in the
acceleration of sarcopenia or age-
related muscle loss. Your muscle mass
can decrease by about 3-8 per cent a
decade after 30, and even more after
60. It’s not just that diminished muscle
mass leaves you with bingo wings and
love handles that makes it unpleasant,
but the fact that it is associated with
raised blood lipid levels and visceral
fat that clings dangerously round your
internal organs. Sarcopenia and
intramuscular fat have been associated
with conditions such as type 2
diabetes, obesity and heart disease as
well as a greater propensity for
fractures and falls. Lifting weights is
known to help to slow the process, but
could cycling do the same?
Results of the study, published
this month in the journal BMC
Musculoskeletal Disorders, show how
the effects of regular pedalling on
midlife muscles can be profound. Not
only were the cyclists’ glute muscles
larger and stronger, as might be
expected, but they displayed distinctly
lower levels of harmful fat settling
between the fibres.
“We found the cyclists had much
lower levels of fat infiltration of their
muscles and greater muscle mass than
the inactive individuals of the same
age,” Hart says. “These lower levels of
fat infiltration into the gluteus
maximus and medius muscles are a
valuable marker of muscle health,
good mobility and healthy hips, that
tend to decline with age.” On average,
the gluteus maximus muscles of the
inactive participants had a 21.6 per
cent fat infiltration level whereas in
the cyclists it was just 14.8 per cent.
With the gluteus medius muscle,
there was a 16 per cent fat infiltration
in the muscles of the sedentary
participants compared with just
11.4 per cent in the cyclists.
Hart describes the new findings as
groundbreaking. “We now have clear
evidence that cycling is a great way to
stay physically healthy for longer,” he
says. “It helps to maintain muscles and
prevent them from being weakened by
fat infiltration, delaying some of the
effects of ageing.”
A study to be published shortly will
compare the effects of cycling on the
muscles of men and women to see if
the response is in any way different. In
the meantime, his message to those
who regularly spin on two wheels is to
keep it up. And to those who have left
their bike languishing in the shed for
too long it is “most definitely to get
back in the saddle this spring”.
What middle-aged
cyclists need to know
Select the right saddle
The worst thing you can do is to buy a
saddle on looks alone. A poor-fitting
7
health
saddle can place pressure on the
pudendal nerve and arteries in the
pelvic floor and perineum, causing
pain and numbness.
“If you are going to cycle regularly
you need to go through a diagnostic
process at a specialist bike shop to find
one that suits you,” says Phil Cavell,
founder of the cycling biomechanics
and analysis organisation Cyclefit
and author of The Midlife Cyclist
(Bloomsbury). “And there is no such
thing as ‘breaking in a new saddle’
— it either works for your pelvis
construction or it doesn’t and you will
know when it is the right one.”
Set your saddle position
carefully
Incidence of saddle pressure pain
increases with age and is highest
among the over-50s. A saddle that is
too far back or too high can cause
Achilles tendon problems and iliotibial
band syndrome, a pain caused by
inflamed fascia and normally felt on
the outside of the knee. “A saddle
should never be nose up,” Cavell says.
“I recommend 0 to minus 2 degrees
of nose down for men and 0 to minus
4 degrees nose down for women.”
Consider your handlebar
position
How your handlebars are set is largely
determined by the strength and
flexibility of your hamstrings, lower
back, thoracic spine, shoulders, neck
and arms, says Phil Burt, former lead
physiotherapist at British Cycling and
author of Bike Fit (Bloomsbury).
“The recommended torso angle
for a recreational cyclist is 45-55
degrees,” Burt says. “This will allow
a relaxed riding position and a
comfortable reach.”
Cycle less if you have back pain
Lower back pain is common among
cyclists, Burt says, and if you have
eliminated equipment-related issues
such as saddle height, it might be
worth reducing the load or intensity
of your cycling, particularly if you
have just taken it up again.
“Sudden increases in distances or
intensity of terrain, such as climbing
long hills, might be the reason for back
pain,” he says. “Consider stepping back
a little and building up more slowly.”
Stretch your hamstrings,
hips and glutes
Many midlife cyclists neglect
stretching and strength exercises at
their peril, Burt says. It is particularly
important to stretch regularly if you
spend much of your time at a desk
or driving.
“All that time spent in a leaning
forward seated position is
compounded by the hours you then
spend on your bike in a similar
position,” he says. “It can lead to
tight hip flexor muscles, which
causes increasing discomfort on
and off the bike.” Tight hamstrings
are common “because the knee
doesn’t typically extend beyond
35 degrees at the bottom of a pedal
stroke and the muscle becomes
restricted” and if glutes, the
powerhouse muscles of cycling,
become restricted in range
of movement, your cycling will be
affected. Stretch, use a foam roller
and do mobility exercises for 30
minutes three to four times a week.
“The more you can do of this kind of
work, the better,” Burt says. “But if all
you can do is a few moves daily it is
better than nothing.”
8 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times
health
The menopause
tsar: ‘I was crying
for no reason and
could not sleep’
Can the government’s menopause champion (and
recruitment expert) Helen Tomlinson stop women
over 50 quitting work? Alice Thomson meets her
or centuries no one
F
dared mention the word
menopause at home or
work. Occasionally there
would be mutterings
about women “going
through the change”,
“mood swings”,
“vapours” or “troubles down below”.
Sometimes male MPs would shout
“hot flush” at a female colleague if she
looked flustered. But a word that
originated with the Greeks remained
an embarrassment. Watch out for the
battleaxe, she’s a bit snappy; even
worse if the old hag bursts into tears.
Calm down, dear, pull yourself
together. The idea of the government
announcing a menopause champion
would have seemed excruciating, and
probably still does to men like Jacob
Rees-Mogg, clutching their pocket
handkerchiefs.
Yet the recruitment expert Helen
Tomlinson was announced this month
as the first menopause tsar to help
companies and families to support
the 13 million perimenopausal or
menopausal women in the UK as they
navigate hormonal changes. A no-
nonsense northerner at the HR
recruitment agency Adecco, she isn’t
coy about discussing blood, sweat and
tears, whether in parliament or the
pub. “I was talking to various MPs,
almost all women, of course, about
how transformative it has been in my
company to encourage women to keep
working through their menopause,
and they wanted me to help others,”
she explains.
Everyone is obsessed with getting
the over-50s back to work after the
pandemic, and this may be one way.
“Let’s open a few windows when a
woman feels flushed isn’t enough —
it’s the implementation of the Her mum
education around the policy that’s Helen
crucial,” Tomlinson says. “We did a couldn’t Tomlinson
lunch at work called ‘Bloody hell,
we’re talking about periods’, which was understand
a game-changer. I was suddenly
inundated with requests for help.”
why she former head teacher, now works in a
clothes shop because she said her
they seem permanently exhausted.
Tomlinson, who has taken on the
Women come up to her now in the
supermarket aisle to relive their
wants to confidence evaporated when her
oestrogen and progesterone levels
role for free, comes bouncing into the
Times offices at 8.10am revved up on
menopause woes. One thought she
had dementia, her brain felt so fuzzy
talk about plummeted. For others the world looks
suddenly bleak or frightening, their
HRT, but she knows how they feel.
“When I went through the
when her periods stopped; another, a periods hair thins, their waist thickens and perimenopause, which is just before
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023
your periods stop, it was physically
debilitating. I was a sales director and
I couldn’t stand up some days, let
alone present in front of an audience. I
had flooding — heavy continual
periods — it was terrifying. Wearing
anything white was impossible. Then
there were the night sweats. I couldn’t
sleep, I had low energy levels and low
mood. I was crying for no reason, the
hormones and emotions were all over
the place. My husband is ex-military
so he wasn’t used to people crying for
no reason and was really worried.”
A series of doctors dismissed her
concerns, putting her on the pill and a
coil. “I was begging for a hysterectomy
to make the agony better but it took
two years,” Tomlinson explains. “No
one ever mentioned perimenopause or
hormone replacement therapy
although I was 44. Luckily, my office is
female-orientated so they let me work
from home sometimes. But for
teachers and nurses it could be a
nightmare. I have had female pilots
and police who quit rather than face
humiliation.” Another woman was the
only female in her office. “Her line
manager was a 32-year-old male DJ.”
So how should companies approach
the issue? “There are some zero-cost,
high-impact activities that make all
the difference. We did podcasts with
senior leaders who were willing to talk
about their experiences. It can be hard
when you’re just sitting in the canteen
to start talking about periods with a
male colleague. And we had a monthly
meeting online called ‘Hot topics
about menopause’. Interestingly there
were as many men as women asking
questions. Husbands are desperate to
know how they can help their wives as
well as their colleagues. Men can find
it bewildering when their partner
starts behaving differently.”
Tomlinson often goes into offices to
get the chat going. “Some
organisations are very male-
dominated. They are rigid with fear
when we start, but they soon open up.
Men can usually name a few of the
symptoms — mood swings, lack of
libido and loss of confidence — but
when you tell them there are another
40 it blows their minds: hot flushes,
heavy periods, headaches, insomnia,
cystitis. It’s hard for a husband, let
alone a manager, to know where to
start, but often it’s about listening and
being open to suggestions.”
According to a recent McKinsey
report, women have been leaving
leadership roles at the fastest rate ever;
other research shows that Britain
could be losing about 14 million
working days a year because of
menopause issues. “It’s frustrating that
so many older women are quitting,
and it’s usually not because they want
to retire to the golf course or go on
It’s not life-
threatening,
but it can be
career-ending
cruises. If you have been economically
inactive through choice, children,
Covid or redundancy and you’ve then
gone into perimenopause in your
forties, it’s an extra barrier to coming
back. You may suddenly feel you have
lost the best years of your life and
alternate between anger and tears.”
All generations, Tomlinson admits,
face challenges. “If you’ve spent your
thirties and forties caring for children
and elderly parents, the menopause
feels like the final frontier, less a crisis
than a cliff, when your fifties and
sixties should be the years you can
really go for it.”
Her mum couldn’t understand why
she wants to talk about periods and
the menopause, she says. “She was of a
generation where you just put up with
it, but many of her friends weren’t
trying to juggle a job, teenagers and
complicated 21st-century lives.”
There are men who will cite their
midlife crises and ask why companies
aren’t accommodating them if they
become rash and impulsive and rush
out to buy a sports car. And there are
women who think the menopause has
been overblown, that it’s a natural
ageing process and the last thing they
want is for HR to ask them if they
need the temperature turned down.
“About 25 per cent of women have no
symptoms at all, 50 per cent have some
and 25 per cent have full symptoms. It’s
about having the right support and
asking for help if needed. It’s not a
disease, it’s not life-threatening, but it
can be career-ending.”
The medical profession she finds
more flummoxing: two thirds of
medical schools still don’t have
mandatory menopause education.
“They receive almost no training. In
the end I bumped into an expert at a
wedding by accident. One hundred
years ago our average life expectancy
wasn’t long enough to go into
menopause, so we are catching up.
Doctors need more than half a day’s
study to recognise the symptoms and
treatments, and women might benefit
from a health check around 45.”
to ease achilles
The country regularly runs low on
hormone treatments. “It’s not seen as
a priority by the pharmaceutical
tendon pain
industry either. We are moving
towards an annualised prescription,
but there is a real socioeconomic
divide. At the moment HRT is
expensive, and with the cost of living it
is absolutely seen in some
demographics as a luxury, a posh
lifestyle choice. Women need to feel
they are entitled to HRT to help them
remain economically active and thrive
in the workplace rather than
disappear. If you don’t do anything it
can leave you open to osteoporosis,
heart disease and dementia.”
Twenty years ago women were
spooked by a paper linking HRT to a
small increase in the risk of getting
breast cancer. “It threw us backwards.
Many women, as well as the medical
profession, gave up on finding answers
to the menopause, but you have to
look at the pros as well as the cons.
Some do lots of research, others say:
‘I am just going to give it a try.’ ” Some
may find it liberating that they no
longer have to worry about pregnancy
or monthly periods. They don’t see
it as all decline and decay? “You
need to give everyone the choice and
some flexibility.”
Children should be aware as they
get older, Tomlinson says, of why their
mother may be having health
complications as she reaches
menopause. “My daughter probably
saw some of the negative effects. She’s
24 now; I don’t think she will put up
with it when she’s older. Her
generation are more likely to call stuff
out and not suffer in silence. I don’t
want to scare teenagers but to say that
you can manage it and your life might
be even better afterwards.”
Some women manage their
symptoms through homeopathic
remedies and exercise. “You can’t
assume HRT gels and patches are the
holy grail. You need to help yourself
too. It really helps doing exercise and
checking your diet. I’ve reduced
alcohol to next to nothing. Work
might be able to help with
adjustments. The most important
thing is to be able to be honest with
your bosses rather than be forced to
make excuses.”
Suicide rates among women spike at
ages 45 to 54. Many women,
Tomlinson thinks, are wrongly
prescribed antidepressants. “The
menopause may occur as children are
leaving home or when parents are
dying, and it’s hard to know whether
it’s hormones or circumstances that
are causing their depression. One
colleague says I saved her life, she was
in such a dark place. If we get this
right and we can support women
through this transition, they can have
another 15 years post-menopause in
their career that could be their best,
when they learn new hobbies, start
businesses or lead campaigns.”
Tomlinson’s husband loves her new
role. “I went on Woman’s Hour to talk
about menopause and he told
everyone in the village. We went out
to the pub on Friday night and his
friends couldn’t stop talking about it. A
retired headmaster said: ‘I wish I had
known earlier. Most of my staff were
female and it suddenly explains a lot.’ ”
9
health
1
Perform a tiptoe ‘calf hold’
every other day
Pain in the achilles, the tendon
that attaches the calf muscles
(gastrocnemius and soleus) to
the heel bone, is common — and
increasingly so with age.
“There is no single cause of achilles
tendinopathy and it can be down to
poorly fitting shoes, bad running or
walking technique, inactivity or
over-pronation of the feet, causing
them to roll inward,” the sports
physiotherapist Paul Hobrough says.
“Initially the pain is felt in the
morning, when you might find you
shuffle as you get out of bed, but it
can get worse as weeks progress.”
If this sounds like you, Hobrough
says there is plenty of evidence for the
benefit of doing an isometric calf hold
every other day for two weeks. “Stand
on your tiptoes on the leg in which
you feel the pain, hold for 45 seconds,
lower your heel to the floor and rest
for two minutes before repeating three
to five times,” he says. “If pain is in
both legs, repeat on the other side.”
2
Do slow heel
raises for
six weeks
“After the
initial two
weeks of the tiptoe
calf hold, you will need
to start loading the
achilles tendon to
stress the fibres in it
for optimal healing,”
Hobrough says.
“Research suggests
that heavy, slow
repetitions of standing
calf raises are the best
way to achieve this.”
Stand facing a wall,
your feet flat on the
floor and your hands
on the wall for support. Raise up onto
the balls of your feet, taking three to
four seconds to rise and then three to
four seconds to lower back to the floor.
Perform 15 reps and repeat the whole
thing three times. “Do on alternate
days and continue for six weeks,”
Hobrough says. “As you get stronger,
do them with a loaded rucksack.”
3
Consider massage
A review of 22 studies
involving 1,137 patients in
the British Journal of Sports
Medicine looked at achilles
tendinopathy pain and how to treat
it. It showed that while exercises
including heel raises improved pain
and function of the tendon, orthotic
shoe insoles and splints worn at night
had no real benefit.
A massage may be helpful, the
osteopath James Davies says. “In a lot
of cases, problems with the achilles
tendon start with an imbalance in the
calf muscles that causes tightness, so
massage can help to loosen that. The
joints in the foot and ankle as well as
the fascia in the soles of the feet will
need to be loosened as they often get
tight — it really requires an intensive
massage on a regular basis.”
Peta Bee
10 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times

times2
More

Your weekday brain boost puzzles

Pages 14-16

Every day, Monday to Thursday, a page of extra Sudoku fiendish Train Tracks
puzzles to give your brain an extended workout Lay tracks to enable the train to travel
from village A to village B. The numbers
indicate how many sections of rail go in
each row and column. There are only
Samurai medium straight rails and curved rails. The track
cannot cross itself.
Fill each grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box
contains the digits 1 to 9. Where the puzzles overlap, the rows and
columns do not go beyond their usual length.

Killer tricky
Fill the grid so that every column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set of
cells joined by dotted lines must add up to the target
number in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells
joined by dotted lines, a digit cannot be repeated.
Futoshiki
Fill the blank squares so that every row and
column contains each of the numbers 1 to 5
once only. The symbols between the squares
indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.

Solutions in tomorrow’s Times2

Suko
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in
the spaces so that the
number in each circle is
equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and
each colour total is correct
SUKO
Codeword Yesterday’s solutions
SAMURAI
Every letter in the
crossword-style grid,
right, has been
substituted for a CODEWORD
number from 1 to 26.
Each letter of the
alphabet appears in
the grid at least once.
Use the letters already
provided to work out
the identity of further
letters. Enter letters in
the main grid and the
smaller reference grid FUTOSHIKI
until all 26 letters of
the alphabet have
been accounted for.
Proper nouns are
excluded.

Solve Times puzzles TRAIN TRACKS SUDOKU KILLER

interactively with
same-day solutions at
thetimes.co.uk
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023 11

television & radio

Finally, a police procedural that’s worth your time

macarena at the Notting Hill Carnival, work with a hangover, gets punched in
Carol I’m just saying it wouldn’t make for a
very interesting drama.
the face by a drug dealer during a stop
and search, and receives very little
Midgley But I watched ahead and, before I
knew it, had watched it all . . . and
whoa, there is far more to it than that.
protection from her own force when
a death threat is made against her, is
a highly believable creation.
TV review This is a complicated, cleverly
observed, funny and (at times) horrific
As is Jen Robinson (Hannah
McClean), a lazy member of the “dry
drama that is a cut above your average shoes brigade” who seems to resent
police procedural. policing and just wants to sit in the
Adam Patterson and Declan Lawn’s warm office writing up her paperwork.
six-parter has a fresh, irreverent Richard Dormer plays a cracking
quality. It centres on three character in Gerry Cliff, a grizzled cop
probationary officers in the Police who tells his rookie underling Nathan
Service of Northern Ireland, and is set not to be a “notebook wanker” when
against a backdrop of criminal gangs he swottishly records everything. He is
Blue Lights in the drugs trade and the legacy of every bit as emotionally intelligent as
BBC1 sectarian division. True, there was that Grace, just in his own way.
{{{{( scene in which Grace “hugged the Such as when he falsely “arrested”
anger” out of Angela, a hysterical a troubled elderly and sober man for
here is a lot of edgy, dark woman brandishing two knives in a being drunk as a way of helping him to

T potential in Blue Lights,

BBC1’s new cop drama (I bet
you were saying only the
other day that there aren’t
enough cop dramas on TV, weren’t
you? Knew it). So one of my first
thoughts was that I hope this doesn’t
slide into a touchy-feely “hey, there’s
another way to do policing, guys, and
it’s all about compassion”, as it
threatened to do towards the end of
episode one. PC Grace Ellis (Sian
Brooke), a former social worker turned
rookie cop in Belfast, said as much.
I’m not saying that police officers
shouldn’t be caring and dance the
highly volatile public order situation,
which felt a little saccharine. And
unlikely, good as Brooke is.
However, saccharine this drama is
not. Spoilers ahead . . . in episode three
there is a prolonged kneecapping
scene, which is excruciating and
brilliantly done. Technically speaking,
the bullet was in the back of the knee.
It was horrendous to watch.
However, the main strength of Blue
Lights (terrible title, sounds like a 1970s
cocktail) resides in its well-crafted
characters, of which Grace is not the
most interesting. Annie Conlon
(Katherine Devlin), who comes to
get a mental health assessment. “For
Christ’s sake, try and act pissed, will
you?” he told him. Grace’s idealism
keeps rubbing up against the weary
cynicism of experienced coppers, but
her background in social services in
some way gives her an edge and
expertise that others lack. Interesting,
I can’t recall seeing a TV drama about
probationary officers before, and this
does it well without relying too much
on cop show cliché. It shows the
violent resistance that police in Belfast
still face in certain areas, without ever
letting the bleakness override the
Sian Brooke plays a social worker turned rookie cop in Belfast humanity. It is worth the investment.

1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert 8.40 In Touch

Radio choice
Ben Dowell
Magic Consultants
Radio 4, 9.30am
How many consultants
does it take to change a
lightbulb? It depends —
how large is your budget?
Boom, boom. Worth
hundreds of billions of
pounds a year, consultants
stretch across almost every
industry, government
department and
international border, and
many people believe our
future is determined by
what they think and do.
But what, precisely, is that?
Are they shadowy power
brokers for the rich and
influential? In this five-part
series Adam Shaw, above,
takes an even-handed view
of their work, disentangling
stereotypes and showing
how much they influence
our lives.
our tv newsletter
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with Early Breakfast
6.00 Aasmah Mir and Stig Abell with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Matt Chorley.
A lighter take on Westminster goings-on
1.00pm Mariella Frostrup. Conversation
about the issues that matter 3.00 Jane
Garvey and Fi Glover. Live discussion of the
day’s news 5.00 John Pienaar with Times
Radio Drive. In-depth discussion of today’s
news 7.00 Pienaar and Friends. Informed
debate with leading figures 8.00 The
Evening Edition with Kait Borsay. Engaging
evening conversation 10.00 Carole Walker.
Late night news and tomorrow’s front page
1.00am Stories of Our Times 1.30 Red
Box 2.00 Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show 9.30
Gary Davies. David Harewood chooses his
Tracks of My Years 12.00 Jeremy Vine
2.00pm Anita Rani 4.00 Sara Cox 6.30 Sara
Cox’s Half Wower 7.00 Jo Whiley’s Shiny
Happy Playlist 7.30 Jo Whiley 9.00 The Jazz
Show with Jamie Cullum. Remembering Nina
Simone, in the year she would have turned
90 years old. UK rising star Cherise helps
the host in this first of three tribute shows
10.00 Trevor Nelson’s Magnificent 7. Seven
of Rhythm Nation’s biggest hits, uplifting
tunes and essential throwbacks 10.30
Trevor Nelson’s Rhythm Nation 12.00
OJ Borg 3.00am Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s
Kitchen Disco (r) 4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Hannah French presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show. Including 7.00, 8.00 News.
7.30, 8.30 News headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
Georgia Mann presents music and features,
featuring new discoveries, musical surprises
and plenty of familiar favourites
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov (1873-1943)
Rachmaninov finds himself having to take
on the running of the Ivanovka estate, and
buys a car to zip around the surrounding
countryside. Rachmaninov (15 Songs
Op 26 No 10 Before my window; Symphony
No 2, Mvt 2; Songs Op 34 Nos 12 and 13;
Piano Concerto No 3, Mvt 1; and
All-Night Vigil Excerpt: 4, 5 and 6)
New Generation Artists past and present
perform a series of concerts from the Elgar
Concert Hall as part of the Barber
Lunchtimes at the University of Birmingham.
The series follows the theme of Journeys
and is launched by the Mithras Trio
performing music by Beethoven and Erod.
Introduced by Andrew McGregor. Beethoven
(Trio in B flat, Op 11, “Gassenhauer”);
and Erod (Piano Trio No 1)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Ian Skelly presents a week of recent
recordings by the Royal Concertgebouw,
starting with music by Stravinsky. There’s
also a focus on Stravinsky across the week
with his symphonies played by the BBC
National Orchestra of Wales. Stravinsky
(Scherzo a la Russe); Janácek (Taras Bulba);
Diepenbrock (Clair de lune, from 5 Melodies);
Reger (Maria Wiegenlied); Berg arr von
Borries (Passacaglia); Schumann (Symphony
No 2 in C, Op 61); Schütz (Lobet den
Herren, der zu Zion wohnet, SWV 293; and
Fürchte dich nicht, SWV 296); Elgar (Cello
Concerto in E minor, Op 85); and Berg
(Three Pieces for orchestra, Op 6)
5.00 In Tune
Music and arts news
7.00 Classical Mixtape
A selection of classical favourites mixed with
jazz, folk and music from around the world
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Maxim Emelyanychev conducts the Orchestra
of the Age of Enlightenment in an all-Saint-
Saëns programme, including the Organ
Symphony, and Cello Concerto No 1 with
Steven Isserlis. Recorded in January at the
Royal Festival Hall, London, and introduced
by Martin Handley. Saint-Saëns (Phaéton,
Op 39; Cello Concerto No 1 in A minor, Op 33;
Danse Macabre, Op 40; and Symphony No 3
in C minor, Op 78 — Organ Symphony).
Plus Interval music from CD. Rameau (Les
Paladins, Suite — selection) Performed by
the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment
10.00 Free Thinking
Anne McElvoy hears about a new history of
East Germany and why we need to dismantle
the old clichés about the former country
10.45 The Essay — Re:Cycling
The writer and cyclist Andrew Martin
considers how a traditionally working-class
mode of transport is counterpointed with the
idea of the cyclist as supreme individualist,
riding on pavements and ignoring red lights
11.00 Night Tracks
A soundtrack for late-night listening,
presented by Sara Mohr-Pietsch
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
Nick Robinson and Mishal Husain present
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 The Life Scientific
Jim Al-Khalili talks to fellow scientists (6/6)
9.30 Magic Consultants
Adam Shaw investigates the consultancy
industry. See Radio Choice (1/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible
By Sarah Bakewell (2/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Nuala McGovern presents the magazine
11.00 The Spark
Helen Lewis meets Rochelle Burgess to
discuss social prescribing (4/4)
11.30 Art and Resistance in Taiwan
The underground art scene in Taipei
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
Kirsty Lang talks to two pioneers in the
houseboat community (2/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: The Voice In My Ear
By Claudine Toutoungi
3.00 Short Cuts
Josie Long presents audio adventures
about life on wheels (3/6)
3.30 Costing the Earth
Nick Luscombe investigates the benefits of
the sounds of nature (5)
4.00 Law in Action
Legal developments. Last in the series (4/4)
4.30 A Good Read
Guests Donna Leon and Margaret Heffernan
join presenter Harriett Gilbert to discuss
their favourite books (9/9)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 You Heard it Here First
New series. Panel show hosted by Chris
McCausland (1/4)
7.00 The Archers
Ed gets a shock when it comes to George
7.15 Front Row
A focus on musician Natalie Merchant
8.00 The Today Debate
Mishal Husain is joined by an expert panel
to look at the future of policing
News for people who are blind or partially
sighted, presented by Peter White
9.00 Poison in the Womb
The ripple effects of a drug that activists are
calling the “silent thalidomide”
9.30 The Life Scientific
Jim Al-Khalili talks to fellow scientists
about their life and work (6/6) (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
News round-up with Julian Worricker
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How One
Becomes Lonely
By Luke Sutherland (2/5) (r)
11.00 Please Use Other Door
Satirical sketch show (2/4) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Political round-up
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: Humanly
Possible By Sarah Bakewell (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Goon Show 8.30 For Better or
for Worse 9.00 Who Goes There? 9.30 No
Commitments 10.00 The Good Companions
11.00 Paul Temple and the Geneva Mystery
11.30 Lord of Misrule 12.00 Sweet Sorrow
12.15pm Flying Visits 12.30 Cleaning Up
1.00 The Goon Show 1.30 For Better or for
Worse 2.00 Who Goes There? 2.30 No
Commitments 3.00 The Good Companions
4.00 Paul Temple and the Geneva Mystery
4.30 Lord of Misrule 5.00 Sweet Sorrow
5.15 Flying Visits 5.30 Cleaning Up 6.00
The Goon Show 6.30 For Better or for Worse.
Comedy, with Gorden Kaye and Su Pollard
7.00 Who Goes There?. Biographical quiz
show chaired by Martin Young 7.30 No
Commitments. Comedy with Bill Nighy 8.00
TED Radio Hour. Manoush Zomorodi explores
the fundamental challenges facing our
relationship with water 8.50 Inheritance
Tracks. With rock singer Ozzy Osbourne 9.00
Mastertapes. John Wilson talks to Suzanne
Vega 9.30 The Ice Princess. Thriller, by
Camilla Lackberg 10.00 Comedy Club: Mark
Watson Talks a Bit About Life. The comedian
considers whether people should work hard
or relax. Last in the series 10.30 Innes Own
World. Neil Innes shares memories of playing
a club in Bolton 11.00 The Damien Slash
Mixtape. A fast-paced, one-man sketch show
with Damien Slash. Last in the series 11.15
Fabulous. Fay gets lost in a fantasy 11.30
Old Harry’s Game. Comedy set in Hell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Wake Up to Money 6.00 5 Live
Breakfast 9.00 Nicky Campbell 11.00 Naga
Munchetty 1.00pm Nihal Arthanayake 4.00
5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport 7.45 5 Live
Sport: Scotland v Spain (Kick-off 7.45).
Commentary on the Euro 2024 Group A
qualifying match at Hampden Park 10.00
Colin Murray 1.00am Dotun Adebayo
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00 talkSPORT
Breakfast with Laura Woods 10.00 Jim
White and Simon Jordan 1.00pm Hawksbee
and Baker 4.00 talkSPORT Drive with Andy
Goldstein and Darren Bent 7.00 Kick Off
10.00 Sports Bar 12.00 Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30 The Julia
Hartley-Brewer Breakfast Show 10.00 The
Independent Republic of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins 4.00 Vanessa Feltz 7.00
Jeremy Kyle 8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
9.00 The Talk 10.00 Tom Newton Dunn
11.00 Live Petrie Hosken 1.00am Paul Ross
6 Music
Digital only
5.00am Chris Hawkins 7.30 Lauren Laverne
10.30 Jamz Supernova 1.00pm Craig
Charles 4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley
9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music Artist in
Residence. With Phoebe Bridgers 1.00am A
Beginner’s Guide to the Blues 3.00 6 Music’s
Rave Forever 4.00 The 6 Music Playlist
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
with cinch 10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris
1.00pm Jayne Middlemiss 4.00 Ricky
Wilson 7.00 Bam 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00am
My 80s Playlist with Andy Bell 2.00 Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00
Alexander Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John Brunning 7.00
Smooth Classics 10.00 Smooth Classics
1.00am Bill Overton 4.00 Early Breakfast
12 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times

television & radio

Viewing Guide such a beloved figure presidential compound certainly dead, and a see it,” he says of the masterpiece Gulliver’s
on the global stage, this and Zelensky takes soldier, Oleksandr, and invading Russians,
Skinner and Travels and Pope is
Ben Dowell interview with the TV Grylls for a walk round his wife and young whom he hesitates to Mina’s Literary giving vent to his
War Zone: Bear survivalist and former the city. And much son (who gets a Scout accord the description Road Trip literary hatreds in The
soldier Bear Grylls in of the programme is badge from Grylls, “neighbours”. The Sky Arts/Now, 8pm Dunciad. The rapport
Grylls Meets Kyiv last November beefed up with a the chief ambassador Russians do not love The final leg of Frank between the presenters
President does the job perfectly. prologue that shows the for World Scouting). this country, but his Skinner and Denise is just as infectious,
Zelensky What a sane, charming, difficulties in accessing Zelensky, for his part, people do, he says. Mina’s exploration of with Mina revelling in
Channel 4, 8pm charismatic and a country at war. We says he is not a hero, And while the invaders the poetry and deep Swift’s righteous anger.
courageous man the also meet ordinary although we may beg to have targeted civilians friendship between Skinner, meanwhile,
If you want president of Ukraine locals inured to a new differ. And he certainly and the country’s Jonathan Swift and gets characteristically
a reminder
Top (and former comedy reality where death commands our infrastructure, his Alexander Pope emotional. “Oh,
of why
pick actor) is. It’s not a long could strike at any time. attention. “They raped stoicism and decency shows the Augustan Alexander,” he
Volodymyr interview — they meet They include Alina, children. They wanted give you hope that his writers on fine form. sighs over the great
Zelensky has become in the grounds of the whose father is almost mothers and fathers to country may prevail. Swift has published his man’s grave.

BBC1 BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Channel 5

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live 10.00 The Moment 6.05am Walks of Life (r) (AD) 7.05 Bargain Hunt (r) 6.00am Good Morning Britain. Morning magazine 6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) 6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine. The broadcaster
Early

of Proof. Police find the names of an international drug
network in a hotel guest book 10.30 Animal Park
Summer. A pygmy goat goes into labour unexpectedly (r)
(AD) 11.15 Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in
Bury, Dudley and Burton-upon-Trent (r) (AD) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. Natasha Raskin Sharp hosts from
Edinburgh’s Royal Highland Centre (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC
News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
1.45 Doctors. Luca and Suni try to iron things out (AD)
2.15 Jay and Dom’s Home Fix. Jay Blades and Dominic
Chinea make clothes rails (r) (AD) 3.00 Escape to the
Country. Nicki Chapman helps a buyer with a budget of
£450,000 escape her ex-council flat in south London so
her and her daughter can start a new life in the Wiltshire
countryside (AD) 3.45 Antiques Road Trip. Raj Bisram
and Charles Hanson tour Wales, picking up a rare toby jug
and some art deco items. They also learn about an ancient
fishing tradition and a Welsh Olympic legend (r) 4.30
Bridge of Lies. Game show hosted by Ross Kemp (r) 5.15
Pointless. Alexander Armstrong hosts (r) 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
7.50 Sign Zone: Secrets of the Jurassic Dinosaurs (r) (AD,
SL) 8.50 Lifeline (r) 9.00 BBC News 12.15pm Politics
Live 1.00 The Super League Show. Action from the sixth
round of fixtures, including Castleford Tigers v Warrington
Wolves and Leeds Rhinos v Catalans Dragons (r) 2.00
Eggheads (r) 2.30 Hairy Bikers: Pies & Pasties (r) 2.45
Celebrity Painting Challenge (r) (AD) 3.45 My Unique
B&B. Creating a unique B&B with a celestial theme in
Devon (r) (AD) 4.15 The World’s Most Extraordinary
Homes. Piers Taylor and Caroline Quentin head to Norway
to discover four extraordinary homes in a country where
architecture is influenced by incredible landscapes and
the extreme climate (r) (AD) 5.15 Flog It! The experts
assess items brought to the Blickling estate in Norfolk,
and Paul Martin learns about Lord Lothian’s key role in
getting America involved in the Second World War (r)
6.00 Richard Osman’s House of Games. Lucy Beaumont,
Shazia Mirza, Joe Thomas and Jake Wood test their
skills in a series of games (r) 6.30 Coast to Coast Food
Festival. Edith Bowman takes Colin Murray on a
food adventure in her home town of Anstruther
featuring a lively mix of news and current affairs, plus
health, entertainment and lifestyle features 9.00
Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news,
as well as showbiz stories and gossip 10.00 This
Morning. A mix of showbiz chat, lifestyle features, advice
and competitions. Including Local Weather 12.30pm
Loose Women. More interviews and topical debate from
a female perspective 1.30 ITV News; Weather 1.55
Regional News; Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal.
David Dickinson travels to Bridlington, East Yorkshire,
assessing items brought in by members of the public.
With Karen Dalmeny, Stewart Hofgartner, Jan Keyne and
Fay Rutter (r) (AD) 3.00 Lingo. Three more pairs take
part in the quiz hosted by Adil Ray (r) 4.00 Tipping Point.
Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed quiz in which
contestants drop tokens down a choice of four chutes in
the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00 The Chase.
Bradley Walsh presents as four more contestants answer
general knowledge questions and work as a team to take
on one of the Chasers and secure a cash prize (r) 6.00
Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
(AD) 7.40 The King of Queens (r) (AD) 9.00 Frasier (r)
(AD) 10.30 Undercover Boss USA. The two founders of a
moving company go on separate assignments (r) 11.25
Channel 4 News Summary 11.30 Emergency Helicopter
Medics (AD) 12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch 2.10
Countdown. Levi Roots is in Dictionary Corner
3.00 Tool Club 4.00 A New Life in the Sun. It is launch
day at a couple’s new hotel, two gîte owners from
Nottinghamshire are dealt a financial blow, and an
unexpected injury puts a group of organic farmers under
strain (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The second visit of the week
is to Rooms at the Inn, in Retford 5.30 Come Dine with
Me. Second to host in Leamington Spa is a hair and
make-up student, who is aiming to spice up the night
with a 90s girl band dress code, even if his own outfit
might be too small (r) 6.00 The Simpsons. Apu’s
misconduct at the Kwik-E-Mart results in Homer being
rushed to hospital with food poisoning. With the guest
voice of James Woods (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Tony is
more worried than ever about the safety of his family,
while Cindy comes up with a new plan (r) (AD)
and guests discuss the issues of the day with co-host
Storm Huntley joining him for phone-ins and reading out
viewers’ correspondence 12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very)
Badly. Trainer Graeme Hall takes on a 12-stone Great
Dane that insists on sleeping in its owner’s bed and a
French bulldog that will not let anyone leave the house (r)
1.40 5 News at Lunchtime 1.45 Home and Away. Karen
shares the good news about the birth around Summer
Bay, Bree makes Remi’s heart skip a beat, and being stuck
in the hospital is driving Eden crazy (r) (AD) 2.15
Chronicle Mysteries. A podcast host Alex and newspaper
editor Drew investigate a self-help retreat and the
controversial life coach who oversees it. Drama
starring Alison Sweeney and Benjamin Ayres (r) 4.00
Bargain-Loving Brits in the Sun. A look at how a pair
of former Wigan pub landladies have swapped their
lifestyles after buying a caravan for £300 and moving to
Benidorm (r) 5.00 5 News at 5 6.00 Cash in the Attic.
Helping people make money from the items in their
homes to raise money for special projects 6.30 Eggheads.
Off the Piste take on the experts 6.55 5 News Update

7.00 The One Show A mix of nationwide 7.00 Your Home Made Perfect The 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors A patient
7PM

reports and live studio-based chat
7.30 EastEnders Sonia gives Rocky an
ultimatum, and Lola is determined to
plan a successful fundraiser (AD)
architects Lizzie Fraher and Julian
McIntosh compete using virtual reality
to remodel a London home for mother
and her 22-year-old son. Presented
by Angela Scanlon (5/8) (r)
comes in suffering from a painful rash
on her scalp, so her doctor promises to
chase up her appointment with a
7.30 Emmerdale Charity tries to get to dermatologist. Another doctor meets a
the bottom of Noah’s issue, while man who is struggling with a hiatus
Mackenzie and Chloe argue, and hernia and terrible acid reflux
Alex plots his next move (AD) 7.55 5 News Update

8.00 Interior Design Masters with Alan 8.00 Great British Menu: The Finals 8.00 Love Your Garden for Less 8.00 Bear Grylls Meets President 8.00 Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly
8PM

Carr The designers work in pairs to
transform three shops in Harrogate,
North Yorkshire, on a budget of
£3,000 in two days (4/8) (AD)
The eight regional champions cook
their fish courses to win a place on the
menu of a banquet celebrating
animation and illustration. Guest
judging is animator and co-founder of
Aardman Animations, Peter Lord OBE
Alan Titchmarsh, Katie Rushworth and
David Domoney share their favourite
money saving gardening tips, creating
classic garden features that are big on
impact and easy on the pocket (AD)
Zelenskyy Bear Grylls ventures into Graeme Hall comes to the aid of
Ukraine by invitation of President owners with new puppies and also
Zelenskyy where he meets civilians catches up with some owners
who are trying to endure and survive he has helped in the past
the war to learn what life is like
for them. See Viewing Guide

9.00 Anton & Giovanni’s Adventures in 9.00 Murder in Mayfair The reporter 9.00 DNA Journey Sisters Oti and 9.00 Celebrity Hunted New series. 9.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild
9PM

Sicily The second leg of their trip
takes Anton and Giovanni to Mount
Etna, Europe’s highest and most active
volcano. Along the way they stop at
a traditional Sicilian barber before
going paddleboarding (2/3) (AD)
Nawal Al-Maghafi investigates the
murder of Norwegian student Martine
Vik Magnussen in 2008, who was
killed in a flat near Mayfair after a
night out. See Viewing Guide (AD)
Motsi Mabuse head on a journey across
their homeland of South Africa to
explore their extraordinary family
history. Last in the series (AD)
James Acaster, Ed Gamble, Katya
Jones, Aimee Fuller, Nicola Thorp,
Nikesh Patel, Bobby Seagull, Saffron
Barker and Nik and Eva Speakman
try to evade capture for 14 days.
See Viewing Guide (1/6) (AD)
The presenter heads back to Sweden
to revisit a single mother who was
developing a forest hideaway on the
fringes of society for her and her young
son. See Viewing Guide (11/12)

10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.00 Live at the Apollo Darren Harriott 10.10 ITV News 10.00 Rise and Fall Greg James hosts this 10.00 The Murder of Meredith Kercher
10PM

10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.40 Meet Joe Black (12, 1998) Death
takes over the body of a recently
deceased young man, and embarks on a
mission to claim the life of a powerful
media tycoon, but ends up falling in
11PM
introduces performances by Jessica
Fostekew and Stephen Bailey (4/7) (r)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s national
and international news stories,
presented by Victoria Derbyshire
10.40 Regional News
10.55 On Assignment The reporter James
Mates travels to Portugal to meet
campaigners on both sides of a
controversial new euthanasia law
reality contest, which sees a diverse
group of 16 people become part of
a social experiment that asks how
wealth and power shape the way
people behave toward one another
11.05 Gogglebox The armchair critics share
Documentary examining the murder of
British student Meredith Kercher in
Italy in 2007 and the ongoing
investigation to try and uncover the
truth about her killer. Immediately
after her death, Meredith’s flatmate
Amanda Knox and her boyfriend
Raffaele Sollecito were charged with
her murder, but after eight years of

love with his daughter instead —
leaving him on the horns of a dilemma.
Remake of 1934 romantic fantasy
Death Takes a Holiday, starring Brad
Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, Claire Forlani,
Jake Weber and Marcia Gay Harden
Late
11.15 Inside Taiwan: Standing up to
China In Taiwan, Jane Corbin
investigates a story with widespread
ramifications, and reveals China’s
“playbook” as its desire to ”reunify the
motherland” becomes clearer (r)
12.15am Between the Covers With Mel Giedroyc,
11.30 Starstruck Olly Murs hosts as four
teams of superfans are transformed
into their music idols before singing
one of their biggest hits (r)
12.30am Teleshopping 3.00 The Bay. As the Metcalf
their opinions on Wild Isles, Rise
and Fall, Challenge Anneka, Race
Across the World, This Morning and
recent BBC News coverage (r) (AD)
12.05am Gogglebox: Celebrity Special for SU2C
investigation and court battles, the
pair were acquitted. But the question
of who killed Meredith still remains
12.00 Born to Kill? A profile of Peter Sutcliffe (r)

Sophie Duker, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Nigel
Havers (r) 12.45 Sign Zone: Great Australian Railway
Journeys. With Michael Portillo (r) (SL) 1.15 Rip Off
Britain: Holidays (r) (SL) 2.00 Make It at Market (r) (AD,
1.35am-6.00 BBC News SL) 2.45-3.15 Amanda & Alan’s Italian Job (r) (AD, SL)
children struggle to come to terms with their loss, CCTV
evidence leads to a major development in the case.
Marsha Thomason stars (r) (AD, SL) 3.50 Unwind with
ITV 5.05-6.00 Family Fortunes. Gino D’Acampo hosts this
revamped version of the popular game show (r) (SL)
With Tom Daley, Charlotte Church, and Gordon and Tilly
Ramsay (r) (AD, SL) 1.05 Derry Girls (r) (AD, SL) 2.55
Couples Come Dine with Me (r) 3.50 Food Unwrapped (r)
(AD) 4.20 Best of Britain by the Sea (r) (AD, SL)
5.15-6.10 Location, Location, Location (r)
12.55am Entertainment News on 5 1.00 The LeoVegas
Live Casino Show 3.00 Around the World by Train with
Tony Robinson 4.15 Inside Windsor Castle (r) 5.05
House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.30 Fireman Sam (r) (SL) 5.40
Paw Patrol (r) (SL) 5.55-6.00 Peppa Pig (r) (SL)
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023 13

television & radio

Yemen’s richest and “hunters”, who need to Annalisa and her
Murder in most powerful men,
Celebrity Hunted track them down in this
Ben Fogle: New young son Nico. A lot
Film
Mayfair Channel 4, 9pm Lives in the Wild Pretty in Pink
fled the UK on a private special edition of the has changed since his
BBC2, 9pm Channel 5, 9pm Sky Cinema Greats, 4.30pm
plane. The reporter Ten celebrities show raising funds for visit three years ago.
In 2008 the 23-year-old Nawal Al-Maghafi, including the Strictly Stand Up to Cancer. It’s One of the best parts Annalisa now has In John Hughes’s 1980s
Norwegian student who has Yemeni dancer Katya Jones another high-octane of this show is when running water and classic Molly Ringwald
Martine Vik heritage, talks to storm out of cells at ride, interspersed with the presenter Ben electricity, and the plays Andie Walsh, a
Magnussen was raped, Martine’s father, Odd HM Prison Shrewsbury. moving stories of Fogle returns to catch huge expanse of kooky girl with a crush
murdered and buried Petter Magnussen, and The comedians James people affected by the up with people he deforested land next to on a rich kid (Andrew
under rubble in the tracks down Abdulhak. Acaster and Ed Gamble disease, and little has already visited. her home has taken on McCarthy). Meanwhile,
basement of a London It’s a devastating film. flick V-signs to the quarter is given to the Tonight he heads a healthier shade of Andie’s best friend, the
flat. Hours later the The only consolation CCTV. “They are celebrities, even if they back to the wilds of green. As well as that, outsider Phil “Duckie”
only suspect in the is that Odd will never already taking the are perhaps easier to southern Sweden and she has a new partner Dale (Jon Cryer), has
case, Farouk Abdulhak, give up the fight for piss,” says one of the spot than the usual the cabin in the who can lend her a admired her for a long
the son of one of answers. highly trained contestants. woods occupied by hand. time . . . (15, 1986)

Sky Max
6.00am Stargate SG-1 (r) 8.00 DC’s Legends of
Tomorrow (r) (AD) 9.00 Quantum Leap (r)
10.00 Supergirl (r) 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 2.00 S.W.A.T (r) (AD)
3.00 Quantum Leap (r) 4.00 DC’s Legends of
Tomorrow (r) (AD) 5.00 Supergirl (r)
6.00 Stargate SG-1. Sci-fi drama (r)
7.00 Stargate SG-1. A dormant android is
discovered on a barren planet (r)
8.00 The Flash. Barry feels guilty for what
happened to Caitlin, Mark comes up with a plan
that makes everyone sceptical and old friends
pay an unexpected visit to STAR Labs
9.00 Peacemaker. Tension and mistrust
build within the team (r) (AD)
10.00 Freddie Down Under. Andrew Flintoff and
Rob Penn go snake-catching (3/6) (r) (AD)
11.00 S.W.A.T. A young boy is abducted (r) (AD)
12.00 A League of Their Own Road Trip:
Southeast Asia (r) (AD) 1.00am Road Wars (r)
2.00 SEAL Team 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (r) 4.00
S.W.A.T (r) (AD) 5.00 Highway Patrol (r)
Sky Atlantic
6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
7.55 The Affair (r) (AD) 10.05 Gomorrah (r)
12.10pm Game of Thrones (r) (AD) 1.20
Fortitude (r) (AD) 3.25 Gomorrah (r) 5.30
Succession. Logan summons his arsenal (r) (AD)
6.40 Succession. Logan and Kendall have
their first meeting together (r) (AD)
7.50 Game of Thrones. Jon organises
the defence of the North (r) (AD)
9.00 The Gilded Age. Bertha, Marian
and Aurora visit Dansville (5/9) (r) (AD)
10.00 The Plot Against America. Riots and
conspiracies spread across the country in the
lead up to election day (6/6) (r) (AD)
11.25 I Know This Much Is True. Drama based
on the best-selling novel by Wally Lamb starring
Mark Ruffalo as twin brothers (1/6) (r) (AD)
12.40am Game of Thrones. Winter finally
arrives (r) (AD) 2.00 Django. John puts on a
ball to celebrate Sarah’s return 3.05 Django.
Elizabeth assembles an army. Last in the series
4.15 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
Sky Documentaries Sky Arts
6.00am Veleno: The Town of Lost Children (r)
7.00 Discovering: Dean Martin (r) (AD) 8.00
The Directors (r) (AD) 9.00 The 2000s (r) 10.00
The Vietnam War (r) 11.05 Devil’s Advocate:
The Mostly True Story of Giovanni Di Stefano (r)
(AD) 12.00 FILM: Stockton on My Mind
(12, 2020) The story of the first black mayor of
Stockton 1.50pm FILM: Undefeated (12,
2011) Documentary following a high-school
American football team 4.00 The Directors (r)
(AD) 5.00 Discovering: Dean Martin (r) (AD)
6.00 The 2000s. Terrorism in the US (r)
7.00 The Vietnam War. Nixon is president (r)
8.05 Devil’s Advocate: The Mostly True Story
of Giovanni Di Stefano (1/3) (r) (AD)
9.00 Bruno v Tyson (r) (AD)
10.50 Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth (r)
12.35am FILM: I AM Duran (12, 2018) The
remarkable story of world champion Panamanian
boxer Roberto Duran (AD) 2.20 The Forever
Prisoner (r) (AD) 4.40 My Icon: Sophie Cook (r)
(AD) 5.00 Discovering: Dean Martin (r) (AD)
6.00am The Marriage of Figaro 9.05 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 10.00 Alfred Hitchcock
Presents 11.00 Discovering: Charlie Chaplin
12.00 Frida Kahlo (AD) 1.00pm Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 2.00 The Art of Architecture
3.00 Landscape Artist of the Year 2021 4.00
Discovering: Greta Garbo. A profile of the actress
5.00 Tales of the Unexpected (AD)
6.00 Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Double bill
7.00 The Art of the Garden. In Salisbury
8.00 Skinner and Mina’s Literary Road Trip:
Pope and Swift. The summer when Jonathan
Swift reunited with Alexander Pope in England.
Last in the series. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Cirque du Soleil: Alegria. Stage show
11.00 Rodin: In His Time. Rodin’s life and work
12.00 Les Misérables and Victor Hugo 1.15am
Cold War & Cinema (AD) 2.15 Wonderland:
From JM Barrie to JRR Tolkien 3.15 Sky Arts
Book Club 4.15 Johnny Cash: A Legend in
Concert 5.00 Music Icons: Spector Years
5.30 Video Killed the Radio Star
Sky Main Event
6.00am Sky Sports News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans. Including news and views on
today’s early stories and a look at the back pages
10.00 Sky Sports News 11.00 Sky Sports News
12.00 Sky Sports News 4.30pm Live
International T20 Cricket: South Africa v West
Indies. Coverage of the third and final T20 in the
series from DP World Wanderers Stadium,
Johannesburg. The sides last met in a T20 series
in the West Indies in 2021, when the series
ended in a 3-2 win for the Proteas. The series
went to a thrilling fifth-match decider in St.
George’s which South Africa won by 25 runs
after posting 168-4, before the home side
could only make 143-9 in their 20 overs
9.00 Sky Sports News. Round-up of the sports
news, with live analysis and comment, plus
extended interviews with the headline-makers
10.30 Back Pages Tonight. A look at the sports
headlines in tomorrow’s newspapers
11.00 Sky Sports News. Round-up of the
sports news, with live analysis and comment
Variations
BBC1 N Ireland
As BBC1 except: 10.40pm The Prime
Ministers of Northern Ireland 11.10 Charlotte
in Sunderland (r) 11.40 FILM: Darkest Hour
(2017) (AD) 1.40am-6.00 BBC News
BBC1 Scotland
As BBC1 except: 10.40pm Sportscene (r)
11.25 Sportscene: SWPL Highlights (r) 11.55
The Edit (r) 12.10am FILM: Meet Joe Black
(1998) Romantic fantasy 3.05-6.00 BBC News
BBC1 Wales
As BBC1 except: 10.40pm Dark Land: Hunting
the Killers 11.20 Match of the Day Wales
11.50 Charlotte in Sunderland (r) 12.20am
Charlotte in Sunderland (r) 12.50-1.35
Have I Got a Bit More News for You (r)
BBC2 N Ireland
As BBC2 except: 10.00pm-10.30 The Prime
Ministers of Northern Ireland (r)

BBC2 Wales
As BBC2 except: 2.00pm First Minister’s
Questions 2.50 Eggheads (r) 3.20 Hairy
Bikers: Pies & Pasties (r) 3.35 Celebrity
Painting Challenge (r) (AD) 4.35 The World’s
Most Extraordinary Homes (r) (AD) 5.35-6.00
Flog It! (r) 11.15 New Voices from Wales: Time
to Heal 11.25 Inside Taiwan: Standing up to
China (r) 12.25am-12.45 Coast

ITV1 Wales
As ITV1 except: 8.00pm-9.00 Wales This
Week: Nowhere to Call Home 11.30 Love Your
Garden for Less. Money saving gardening tips
(AD) 12.25am-12.30 Dramatic Finishes (r)

TalkTV
6.00am James Max. An initial insight into the
day’s top stories 6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show 10.00 The Independent
Republic of Mike Graham 1.00pm Ian Collins.
Monologues 4.00 Vanessa Feltz. The host guides
you through the big stories of the day from the
world of politics, current affairs and showbiz
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live. The presenter
investigates the future of Britain’s Armed Forces
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored. An hour of
debate, straight-talking interviews with the
world’s leading figures, and plenty of fun
9.00 The Talk. Join a panel of opinionated
famous faces from the worlds of politics,
showbiz, business and current affairs to debate
the hot topics everybody’s talking about
10.00 First Edition. The evening news
programme takes a look at tomorrow’s news
through the lens of the newspaper first editions
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored. Debate
12.00 Live Petrie Hosken. Bringing the very
best and latest news stories overnight 1.00am
Vanessa Feltz 2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live 3.00 Piers
Morgan Uncensored 4.00 The Talk 5.00 James
Max. An initial insight into the day’s top stories
ITV2
6.00am World’s Funniest Videos 6.35 Totally
Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.00 Love
Bites (AD, SL) 8.00 Dress to Impress 9.00
Chuck 10.00 One Tree Hill 11.00 The O.C 12.00
Love Bites (AD) 1.00pm Dress to Impress 2.00
Supermarket Sweep 3.05 Chuck 4.00 One Tree
Hill 5.00 The O.C. The group helps a friend
6.00 Celebrity Catchphrase (AD)
7.00 Ninja Warrior UK. Hosted by Ben Shephard,
Rochelle Humes and Chris Kamara (AD)
8.00 Superstore. A new employee makes
a terrible first impression (AD)
8.30 Superstore. Cheyenne and her fiancé
come up with a jingle for the store (AD)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise. The five pairs
arrive on the final island of Rhodes
10.00 Family Guy. Joe’s son returns (AD)
10.30 Family Guy. Lois gets a job (AD)
11.00 Family Guy. Peter’s past as
a sperm donor catches up with him (AD)
11.30 American Dad! Double bill (AD)
12.30am Superstore (AD) 1.30 Hey Tracey!
2.15 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records
2.45 Unwind with ITV 3.00 Teleshopping
BBC4
7.00pm Great British Railway Journeys. Michael
Portillo visits Great Yarmouth and Norwich
7.30 Canal Boat Diaries. Robbie Cumming
battles his way through blanket weed
on the Shropshire Union Canal (1/4)
8.00 As Time Goes By. Lionel finishes his book
8.30 The Mistress. Helen finds out about
Maxine, but takes the whole thing in her stride.
Stars Felicity Kendal. Last in the series
9.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama. The
presenter explores why Britain proved immune
to the ideals of the French Revolution and
ignored the call of liberty, equality and fraternity
10.00 Horizon: Cosmic Dawn — The Real
Moment of Creation. The scientific story behind
the moment the first stars appeared in the
universe, known as the Cosmic Dawn
11.00 Restoring the Earth: The Age of Nature.
Documentary series about nature’s resilience
11.55 A Pembrokeshire Farm. Griff Rhys Jones
continues to restore his farmhouse (2/5)
12.25am How to Make: The Toothbrush 1.25
Great British Railway Journeys. Great Yarmouth
and Norwich 1.55 Canal Boat Diaries 2.25-3.25
A History of Britain by Simon Schama
ITV3
6.00am Classic Emmerdale 7.00 Classic
Coronation Street (AD) 8.05 Man About the
House 9.05 Where the Heart Is (AD) 11.15
Agatha Christie’s Poirot (AD) 12.25pm
Heartbeat (AD) 1.25 Classic Emmerdale 2.30
Classic Coronation Street (AD) 3.45 Midsomer
Murders (AD) 5.55 Downton Abbey (AD)
7.00 Heartbeat. A woman is admitted to
hospital after a series of burglaries (AD)
8.00 Midsomer Murders. The discovery of a
priceless music score leads to revelations about
its composer, and may provide clues to the case
of a man found battered to death (AD)
10.00 Blue Murder. Detective Janine Lewis
suffers a close shave when a colleague is killed
just metres from where she is standing. Crime
drama starring Caroline Quentin (1/4) (AD)
11.30 Wycliffe. Two grieving widows lay rival
claims to a corpse found washed up on the
beach, each insisting it is the body of her
missing husband. Eleanor Bron guest stars (4/8)
12.40am Where the Heart Is. Drama (AD, SL)
1.45 Man About the House. Comedy 2.20
Unwind with ITV 2.30 Teleshopping
Talking Pictures
6.00am FILM: False Colors (U, 1943) (b/w)
7.15 Four Star Theatre (b/w) 7.50 FILM: The
Bad Lord Byron (PG, 1949) 9.30 Interpol
Calling (b/w) 10.00 FILM: Impact (PG, 1949)
(b/w) 12.15pm FILM: The Man in the Sky
(U, 1957) (b/w) 2.00 Eastbourne: Sun Trap of
the South 2.20 FILM: Laughter in Paradise
(U, 1951) Comedy starring Alastair Sim (b/w)
4.15 FILM: The Undercover Man (PG,
1949) Crime thriller starring Glenn Ford (b/w)
6.00 Scotland Yard. Crime drama
6.35 FILM: The Bargee (PG, 1964) Comedy
with Harry H Corbett and Ronnie Barker
8.45 Look at Life. Documentary
9.00 Maigret. There is a murder in rural France
10.50 Cellar Club with Caroline Munro
10.55 FILM: The Return of Count Yorga
(15, 1971) Horror sequel with Robert Quarry
12.50am Cellar Club with Caroline Munro 12.55
FILM: The Premature Burial (18, 1961)
Horror starring Ray Milland 2.35 Cellar Club
with Caroline Munro 2.40 FILM: The Town
that Dreaded Sundown (15, 1976) Thriller
4.25 Cellar Club with Caroline Munro 4.30 The
Rogues (b/w) 5.25 Mrs G Goes to College
ITV4
6.00am The Best of the 70s 6.15 Dempsey and
Makepeace (AD) 7.20 Robin of Sherwood 8.25
Magnum, PI 9.25 The Sweeney (SL) 10.30
Minder (AD) 11.40 Dempsey and Makepeace
(AD) 12.45pm Live Snooker: Tour
Championship. Jill Douglas presents coverage of
day two, featuring the opening session of the
second quarter-final, held at Bonus Arena in Hull
4.15 Great Racehorses 4.35 The Sweeney 5.40
Minder. Arthur and Ray live the high life (AD)
6.45 Live Snooker: Tour Championship.
Coverage of the evening session on day two,
featuring the conclusion of the second
quarter-final at Bonus Arena in Hull
10.15 All Elite Wrestling: Rampage.
Hard-hitting, high-flying wrestling action
with many of AEW’s biggest stars
11.20 FILM: The Purge (15, 2013)
A family takes shelter at home during an
annual night when all crime is legal. Horror
starring Lena Headey and Ethan Hawke
1.00am Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest Airport.
Documentary (AD) 2.10 The Protectors 2.40
Unwind with ITV 3.00 Teleshopping
Film4
11.00am Hobson’s Choice (U, 1953) Comedy
starring John Mills (b/w) (AD) 1.15pm Bugles
in the Afternoon (U, 1952) Western starring
Ray Milland (AD) 3.00 Cowboy (U, 1958)
Western starring Jack Lemmon and Glenn Ford
(AD) 4.50 The Admirable Crichton (U,
1957) Comedy starring Kenneth More (AD)
6.45 Finding Your Feet (12, 2017) A wealthy
woman seeks solace with her estranged sister’s
dance class after learning her husband is having
an affair. Comedy starring Imelda Staunton (AD)
9.00 Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (12,
2017) Four teenagers get transported into a
video game and transformed into a party of
jungle explorers. Fantasy action comedy starring
Dwayne Johnson and Karen Gillan (AD)
11.20 Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
(15, 2013) Newsreader Ron Burgundy becomes
the star of a 24-hour news channel with a series
of sensationalist stories. Comedy sequel starring
Will Ferrell and Christina Applegate (AD)
1.40am-4.00 Triple 9 (15, 2016) A gang of
corrupt cops are blackmailed into a heist, and
forced to kill a fellow officer to carry out the
plan. Crime thriller with Chiwetel Ejiofor (AD)
Drama
6.00am Teleshopping 7.30 Birds of a Feather
8.00 The Brittas Empire 8.35 Keeping Up
Appearances (AD) 9.15 Classic Holby City 10.35
Casualty 11.40 The Bill 12.40pm Classic
EastEnders 2.00 Howards’ Way 3.10 Lovejoy
4.10 Peak Practice 5.20 The Brittas Empire
6.00 Keeping Up Appearances (AD)
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Compo and
Clegg suspect Foggy is lying, so use
a technique to establish the truth (AD)
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Marina enlists
the trio’s help to deliver her birthday present to
lover Howard, so ropes in the trio to help (AD)
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. A body is found washed
up on a beach, the first in a spate of mysterious
and seemingly unrelated deaths (3/4) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. The squad reopens the
investigation into an actress’s disappearance
when clips of her being assaulted in a 1990
movie are posted on the internet (4/8) (AD)
11.20 Cutting It. Gavin’s salon comes under
threat from property developers (6/7)
12.30am Bad Girls 2.00 Lovejoy 3.00
Classic Holby City (SL) 4.00 Teleshopping
More4
8.55am Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 9.15 A Place in
the Sun 10.05 A New Life in the Sun: Where Are
They Now? 11.05 Find It, Fix It, Flog It 1.10pm
Heir Hunters 2.10 Four in a Bed 4.50 Location,
Location, Location 5.55 Kirstie and Phil’s Love It
or List It. Helping a couple in Poole, Dorset (AD)
6.55 Escape to the Château: DIY. The search for
the armour in the lake continues (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud revisits
a home built on an airfield in Strathaven in
Scotland to check on progress (7/7) (AD)
9.00 Home Greek Home. As the build comes
together, Sarah’s focus turns to finessing the
interiors, and she makes the surprising decision
to place an alfresco bath on the roof (AD)
10.00 24 Hours in A&E. A 68-year-old woman
is rushed in after falling down a flight of
stairs and badly breaking her ankle, while a
26-year-old man arrives after an accident at
work involving an electric saw (7/11) (AD)
11.05 999: On the Front Line. Paramedics
treat a man who has been stabbed (2/10)
12.10am Home Greek Home (AD) 1.15 8 Out of
10 Cats Does Countdown 2.20 24 Hours in A&E
(AD) 3.25-3.55 Food Unwrapped (AD)
Yesterday
6.00am Train Truckers 8.00 Abandoned
Engineering (AD) 9.00 War Factories 10.00 The
World at War 11.00 Joanna Lumley’s Japan
12.00 Great British Railway Journeys 2.00pm
Bangers and Cash 4.00 War Factories 5.00 The
World at War. The D-Day landings in June 1944
6.00 Great British Railway Journeys
6.30 Great British Railway Journeys
7.00 Joanna Lumley’s Trans-Siberian Adventure.
The actress embarks on a 6,400-mile journey
using the Trans-Siberian Railway
8.00 The Architecture the Railways Built. Tim
Dunn visits Coventry Station and meets its
original Architect Derrick Shorten (AD)
9.00 Bangers and Cash. Paul’s doing the
pick-ups in Lancashire where a rare 1960
Vauxhall Cresta PA Friary estate awaits (AD)
10.00 Bangers and Cash. A MG Midget,
an Austin-Healey ”frogeye” Sprite and an
RS2000 come up for auction (9/10)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering. A Second World
War aviation facility in Farnborough (4/8) (AD)
12.00 Great British Railway Journeys
1.00am Train Truckers 3.00 Teleshopping
STV
As ITV1 except: 10.40pm STV News 10.50
Scotland Tonight 11.20 On Assignment 11.50
Scotland Revealed Moments (r) 12.05am-3.00
Teleshopping 3.50-5.05 Night Vision
UTV
As ITV1 except: 8.00pm Keepers of the Lough.
New series. Documentary 8.30-9.00 Mahon’s
Way (r) 10.55 Eamonn Mallie: Face to Face
With 11.25 Love Your Garden for Less (AD)
12.20am-12.30 The Best of the 80s (r)
BBC Scotland
7.00pm Sportscene: SWPL Highlights 7.30
Watching Ourselves: 60 Years of TV in Scotland
(r) 8.00 Back from the Brink 8.50 Beechgrove
Repotted (r) 9.00 The Nine 10.00 Facelift (AD)
11.00 David Wilson’s Crime Files: Cold Cases
(r) (AD) 11.30-12.00 Rip It Up Unwrapped (r)
BBC Alba
6.00am Alba Today 5.00pm AH-AH/No-No (r)
5.10 Meaban is Moo (r) 5.15 Nannag a’ Noo/
Huggleboo (r) 5.25 Oscar & Ealasaid 5.40
Shane an Chef (r) 5.50 Stòiridh (r) 6.00 An
Saoghal Droil aig Pol Ploc/The Rubbish World
of Dave Spud (r) 6.10 Damhan & Durrag/Pipas
& Douglas (r) 6.15 Clann Na Cruinne 6.35 @12
(r) 6.38 Geamaichean Gorach (r) 6.40
Proiseact Ploigh (r) 7.00 Turas a’ Bhradain (r)
7.30 SpeakGaelic (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30
Slighe Naoimh Cuithbeirt/St Cuthberts Way (r)
9.00 Cinema Gadelica (r) 10.00 Aileirdsidh
Bidh — Buaidh no Bas/Food Allergies (A
Matter of Life or Death) (r) 11.00 Machair (r)
11.25 Dàn (r) 11.30 Alleluia! (Spiritual Music
& Verse) (r) 12.00-6.00am Alba Today
S4C
6.00am Cyw 12.00 News; Weather 12.05pm
Bwyd Bach Shumana a Catrin (r) 12.30 Heno
(r) 1.00 Ffermio (r) 2.00 News; Weather 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News; Weather 3.05 Sgwrs
Dan y Lloer (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr: Ty Mêl (r) 4.10
Y Brodyr Coala (r) 4.20 Misho (r) 4.30 Twt (r)
4.45 Kim a Cet a Twrch (r) 5.00 Stwnsh: Mwy
o Stwnsh Sadwrn 5.20 Bernard (r) 5.25 Larfa
(r) 5.30 Itopia (AD) 5.55 Ffeil 6.00 Pen/
Campwyr (r) 6.27 News; Weather 6.30 Sgorio
(r) 7.00 News; Weather 7.25 Live Sgorio
Rhyngwladol: Wales v Latvia (Kick-off 7.45).
Action from the Euro 2024 Group D qualifier
at Cardiff City Stadium 10.00 Bocs 21. New
series. Swedish crime thriller about human
trafficking. Romanian waitress Lidia is lured to
Sweden and trafficked into prostitution.
In Swedish with English subtitles 11.00-11.35
Richard Holt: Yr Academi Felys (r)
 14 Tuesday March 28 2023 | the times

MindGames
Tetonor Moderate No 347 Codeword No 4860 Train Tracks No 1898

56 50 168 28

4656 108
50 15 28264
168

46 108 15 264
160 19 288 34
160 19 288 34
2121 273
273 54 90 90
54
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to village
B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail go in each
6 7 8 8 9 9 10 12 44
6 7 8 8 9 9 10 12 44 row and column. There are only straight rails and curved rails.
The track cannot cross itself.

When complete, the strip below the grid can be split into eight pairs of
numbers. Adding the numbers in a pair gives one of the 16 numbers in
the grid. Multiplying them gives a different number in the grid. For Quintagram® Challenge
example, a 4 and 6 in the strip could be paired to make 10 (4+6) and 24
Solve all five cryptic clues using each
your mind
(4x6) in the grid. Enter each sum below the corresponding number in the
grid. The blanks in the strip must be deduced, bearing in mind the letter underneath once only with puzzle
numbers are listed in ascending order. books from
1 Bachelor meeting beast to fight (3) The Times
The next Tetonor puzzle will appear on Thursday
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number from 1
to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use the letters
already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter letters in the main
---
2 US city doctor sees innocent
grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the alphabet have been creature (4)
accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded. Yesterday’s solution, right
For more puzzles, including ----
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 293 6262 or
an extra Codeword, text TIMECODE to 64343. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
3 Locate flatfish in sound? (5)

Train Tracks and Futoshiki call 0905 757 0142. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
-----
4 The dashing criminal poisoner?
go to page 10 (10)
Lexica No 6803 No 6804
----------
O O R E O P A W O R Y 5 Might contain live wire? (10)
Winning Move
M K T U ----------
White to play. A A A B B C D E
This position is a variation from M S O
Kotronias-Azarya, Budapest E E E G H H H I
2023. U S A N L L M N O O O P
thetimes.co.uk/
This is a very tricky position. T A A E P R S S T U W X bookshop
Black’s king is horribly exposed
and White also has a powerful N R S N
pawn on d6. White’s position
would be overwhelming were it
not for Black’s threat to bring
Y N R T What are your favourite
the queen or rook to h1. With
best play on both sides, the game
will simplify down to equality.
L U M M U N D U S H Y D
puzzles in MindGames?
Can you see how?
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
KenKen Medium No 5852 Futoshiki No 4442 Kakuro No 3401

Fill the grid

using the
numbers 1 to 9
only. The
numbers in each
horizontal or
vertical run of
white squares
add up to the
total in the
triangle to its left
or above it. The
same number
may occur more
than once in a
row or column,
but not within
the same run of
white squares.

All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top left-hand each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the block, the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or smaller
using the operation indicated by the symbol. (<) than the number next to it.
the times | Tuesday March 28 2023 15

MindGames
times2 Crossword No 9176 Brain Trainer Cell Blocks No 4743
Just follow the instructions from left to right, starting with the number given to reach an answer at the end.
Divide the grid

ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER

1 2 3 4 5 6
7/8
into square or
7 8
EASY 6 x 4 + 8 ÷ 2 – 12 SQUARE x2 +3 x3 rectangular
IT OF IT blocks, each
containing one
9 10 digit only. Every
block must
2/3
MEDIUM 132 x 3 + 64 90% +1/2 + 68
+ 74 OF 70% + 13 contain the
OF IT IT OF IT OF IT number of cells
indicated by the
11 12
digit inside it.

13
HARDER 236 + 777 x 4 – 486 +1/2 + 811 70% + 3/4 – 958 75%
OF IT OF IT OF IT OF IT
14 15 16

17
Polygon Set Square No 3404
18 19 20
From these letters, make words of Enter each of
21 three or more letters, always including the numbers
the central letter. Answers must be in from 1 to 9 in
22 23 the Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding the grid, so that
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated the six sums
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending work. We’ve
in LY, comparatives and superlatives. placed two
How you rate 10 words, average; numbers to get
24
14, good; 18, very good; 23, excellent you started.
Each sum
Yesterday’s answers should be
Across 18 Waver, pause briefly (8) calculated left
aeon, agony, any, eon, gean, gen, genoa,
1 Dachshund (7,3) 20 Prison room (4) to right or top
gens, gone, nag, naos, nay, neg, nog,
9 Arrogance, aloofness (7) 22 Insect grub (5) to bottom.
nose, nosegay, nosey, nosy, one, san,
10 Largest artery in 23 Show of great admiration (7) sane, sen, snag, snog, son, sone, song,
the human body (5) 24 Tourists (10) syne, yang, yean, yen, yon
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
11 Swerve off course (4)
12 Touches lovingly (8) Down
14 Allowing no light through (6) 2 Freshly (4) Killer Moderate No 8800 Solutions
15 1980s young professional (6) 3 Flash of lightning (6)
4 Elegant (8)
Solution to Crossword 9175 Quick Cryptic 2360 Codeword 4859 Kakuro 3400
5 Sport in which one must
CR EA SE GEN US stand behind an oche (5)
U N T S R A T
6 Invisible barrier preventing
TU TO R CHEM I SE
T H A I R E V P advancement in life (5,7)
HU RR Y A N TWE RP 7 Upland area of
E A E P A I Northumberland (7,5)
ME LO DY DRYD EN 8 Cry of sudden insight (6)
U F I E I G 13 Deduct (8)
SA F F RON T US KS 16 André ---, conductor (6)
T E E L AY E T 17 Swimming style (6) Train Tracks 1897
AG I T A T E P L A TO 19 Youngster, nipper (5)
R N C T E S N 21 Couple (4) Sudoku 13,929 Concise Cryptic
DU TC H ADHE RE Quintagram Quintagram
1 Mug 1 Box
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0905 757 0143 to check the 2 Flute 2 Lamb
answers. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s 3 Tumbler 3 Place
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). 4 Schooner 4 Nightshade
5 Cup-holder 5 Powerhouse

Brain Trainer
Bridge Andrew Robson Easy 93; Medium 382; Harder 4,941
Cell Blocks 4742 Set Square 3403 Lexica 6801
We return to the Lederer Dealer: South, Vulnerability: East-West
Memorial Trophy and an interest- Sudoku 13,930 G K
Teams ♠ A KQ J 3
ing defensive problem from the B U R D E N
first match. As West (I was), you ♥ J 10 8 3 2
cash the king of clubs v 4♥ . By the ♦J
♣8 2 Killer Tough No 8801 I I I

way, my partnership play that you ♠9 ♠ 10 6 5 4 2

L I G H T
N
lead ace from ace-king v Three- ♥A 7 W E ♥K 9 T A
level contracts and below, attract- ♦Q 8 6 2 S ♦10 9 5 3 H U T
ing an attitude signal; and king ♣A K 10 7 6 3♠ 8 7 ♣Q J
from ace-king v Four-level con- ♥Q 6 5 4
tracts and above, attracting a Futoshiki 4441 KenKen 5851 Lexica 6802
♦A K 7 4
count signal. This is a good agree- ♣9 5 4 P C G
ment for regular partnerships to Sudoku 13,931
have. East signals with the queen S W N E L O A N U

— however this is not count: it’s a Pass 1♣ 2♣(1) Pass O R I

special signal, promising the jack 4♥ (2) End T U R G I D
(or a singleton). What now? (1) Michaels — five-five in the majors.
O E
It’s a classic textbook defensive (2) ♥ Qxxx in one major and acouple of
problem. You switch to your spade, side tops (hopefully in partner’s doubleton, B U T T

win the first heart with the ace,
underlead your clubs to East’s jack,
and triumphantly score a second-
round spade ruff.
You switch to your spade, feel-
ing a little smug (not every West
will find this defence, you gloat
inwardly). However, declarer wins,
hurriedly crosses to the ace-king
of diamonds shedding dummy’s
clubs, and soon knocks out the
ace-king of hearts (you duck the
first heart to partner’s king but suf-
fer the ignomony of having to ruff
partner’s second spade with the
ace). Game made.
Four Wests defended as I had
done to let 4♥ make. Four Wests
opted to continue with the king of
clubs (felling East’s jack) and only
then switched to the singleton
spade. Declarer won in dummy
and led the jack of hearts.
Three East-Wests managed to
take only their ace-king of hearts
from here but one East-West,
not his singleton) fully justify the leap.
Sometimes the opponents bid on, and you’ll
know what to do over that (it rhymes with
“rubble”).
Contract: 4♥ , Opening Lead: ♣K
Christian Bakke and Boye
Brogeland of Norway, managed a
fifth defensive trick. East ducked
the jack of hearts, letting West win
the ace. West then led a third club,
ruffed in dummy and overruffed by
East’s king of hearts. East then led
a second spade and West could ruff
with his low heart. How elegant.
The truth is I may defend the
same way next time. Surely it’s likely
partner has the king (or ace) of dia-
monds and declarer has the king
(and perhaps the queen) of hearts, in
which case my defence is necessary.
A final thought. Maybe East
should signal with the jack of clubs
not the queen — veering partner
off his cunning (not) plan. Dream
on ... andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
Chess — Winning Move Word watch
1 Qh7! blocks the h-file and has Emphractic (b) A substance for
the point that after 1 ... Rxh7 2 blocking skin pores (Chambers)
Rf8+ Kd7 3 Rf7+ Ke6 4 Rxb7, Rimrocker (b) A person who
Killer 8798 White is winning easily. Black’s drives sheep over a cliff as an
only decent reply is 1 ... Qh1+! act of sabotage (OED)
when after 2 Qxh1 Rxh1+ 3 Profulgent (b) Radiant (Collins)
Kxh1 gxf6 the pressure against
c2 means the game will simplify
down to a draw. 1 Qh5!, with
the same ideas, also works
Suko 3761 Quiz
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every column, Killer 8799
every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set 1 Artichoke 2 Queen 3 Julius Caesar
of cells joined by dotted lines must add up to the target number 4 George Lucas 5 Game of Thrones
in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells joined by dotted 6 John Madejski 7 JMW Turner
lines, a digit cannot be repeated. 8 Apollo Theatre 9 Dolphin
10 Borneo 11 John Cage 12 WeChat
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 293 13 Songhai Empire 14 Delilah
6263 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s DiCrescenzo 15 Hairy frog aka
puzzles. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network horror frog or Wolverine frog
access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). (Trichobatrachus robustus)
 28.03.23

For extra
puzzles
See page 10

Word watch Sudoku Mild No 13,932 Difficult No 13,933 Super fiendish No 13,934
David Parfitt

Emphractic
a Delivered with force
b A substance for
blocking skin pores
c Of the polar periphery
Rimrocker
a A type of mountain
bike
b A livestock saboteur
c A rumble produced by
a volcano
Profulgent
a Wasteful
b Radiant
c Depicted side on
Answers on page 15

Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt Suko No 3761

1 The sunchoke is better 11 In 1969, which US

known as the Jerusalem composer returned to
… what? notated music with the
piano piece Cheap
2 In 1997, the bass Imitation?
player John Deacon
retired from which 12 China’s “app for
British rock band? everything”, what
became the world’s
3 Which Roman largest standalone
general first landed in mobile app in 2018?
Britain on August 26,
55BC? 13 Which empire
collapsed following its
4 Dale Pollock’s 1983 15 defeat by Moroccan
book Skywalking is a forces at the Battle of
biography of which the car sales magazine ceiling collapsed in Tondibi (1591)?
American film director? Auto Trader? December 2013?
14 Which US distance
5 In which TV show 7 Which English artist 9 In Peru, meat from runner is the subject of
did Ygritte (Rose painted Sun Rising which marine mammal the Plain White T’s hit
Leslie) repeatedly say: through Vapour (before is referred to as Hey There Delilah? Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the spaces so
“You know nothing, 1807) and Norham “chancho marino”, or that the number in each circle is equal to
Jon Snow”? Castle, Sunrise (c 1845)? sea pork? 15 Which Central the sum of the four surrounding spaces,
African frog is pictured? and each colour total is correct
6 Which former 8 Sharing its name with 10 What is the largest
Reading FC chairman a Greco-Roman god, island to be located on For interactive puzzles visit
made his fortune from which London theatre’s the Equator? Answers on page 15 thetimes.co.uk

The Times Quick Cryptic No 2361 by Breadman

1 2 3 4 5 6 Across Down
1 Tarnish one vessel containing 1 Bill goes under motorway
unknown almond paste (8) alongside US vehicle (7)
5 Rowing team cold on Wye 2 Traveller mentioned Charlie
7 8
initially (4) winning golf competition (5,3)
7 Greek character outside in 3 Emergency helper, as normal
deluge, exposed (4) in the morning, iced wound (9)
8 Looked at watch, not posh, 4 Scold horse (3)
found in grass (8) 5 My new hound gets sausage in
9 10 9 Splashing out, Amber got America (4,3)
aromatic oil (8) 6 Spot Don’s spectacles perhaps
11 12 11 Eggs or veal regularly served (7)
(3) 10 Short article probing
13 14 15 16 17 13 Foolish private investigator experiment on endurance
interrupting game of poker (6) sport (9)
18 16 Fashionable young woman, 12 Attentive soldier in Yeovil half-
Italian, linked with doctor ignored another soldier? (8)
19 turned fifty (2,4) 14 Drinking vessel brown,
18 Copier paper unwrapped (3) unusually dark (7)
19 Count, moving diamonds, 15 Ornamental plant favoured on
failed to impress (3,2,3) college area (7)
20 Four seen in sensual fiesta (8) 17 Recline, tell stories, nap (3,4)
20 21 22
22 Old feline knocked back rolled 21 Animal doctor I’ve trusted
pancake (4) somewhat (3)
23 Plan Ian describes entering
apartment initially (4)
23 24 24 Metal cask gents moved (8)
Yesterday’s solution on page 15