OVERSEER COURSE LESSON NINTY-SIX

TOOL BOX FOR THE GENERAL OVERSEER AND

HIS MINISTERS
MODULE EIGHT

How to Minister to People Who Are Grieving

Henry Epps

HARVEST LIFE founder

GLOBAL NETWORK
Overseer Course Lesson 96
 Lesson Ninety-Six

How to minister to people who are grieving

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

How to Minister to People Who Are Grieving

The death of a loved one is not the only reason people grieve. The death of a meaningful
relationship can also cause significant grief. Sometimes a treasured relationship is lost because of
a misunderstanding. A grieving person may find himself pretending it didn't happen, experiencing
anger because it happened, and then becoming depressed.
Persons also grieve when their marriage is dissolved through divorce. In this imperfect world the
biblical ideal of marriage (one man and one woman for a lifetime) fails. I've know churches that
grieved when they lost a pastor that most folks were glad to see go! People grieve the loss of
imperfect relationships.
People grieve the loss of dreams. A person puts his or her whole life into starting a business only
to have it fail. Grief is sure to follow. Parents have high hopes for a child only to see that child
destroyed through some action.
The Stages of Grief

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Grief is not predictable. Each person grieves in his own way. Persons who have studied grief do
see some common elements to grieving. Granger Westberg, in his classic Good Grief, listed 10
stages of grieving:
Stage 1.— We are in a state of shock/denial. "It can't be."
Stage 2.— We express emotion/release (tears).
Stage 3.— We feel depressed and lonely. "No one understands."
Stage 4.— We may experience physical symptoms of distress. "I can't go on."
Stage 5.— We may become panicky. "I can't make it."
Stage 6.— We feel a sense of guilt about the loss. "If only I...." or, "Why didn't I?"

Stage 7.— We are filled with hostility and resentment. "Why me?"
Stage 8.— We are unable to return to usual activities. "I don't want to go out."
Stage 9.— Gradually hope comes through. "Someday—maybe."
Stage 10.— We struggle to readjust to reality. "I'll get on with it."
Grievers do not move through these stages in a linear fashion. That is, they do not finish stage 1
and progress to stage 2. Rather, they may be in shock/denial in this moment, but one hour later
they're in stage 10, adjusting to the reality of life. Grievers bounce back and forth through the
various stages of grief.
Three Practical Questions
How long does grief take to finish its course?— Getting over grief can take as long as one to three
years. Often in ministry to grieving persons, pastors try to rush the grief process along (probably
out of their own discomfort).
What should you say to someone who has sustained a significant loss?—The best answer is, very
little. Your presence (both physically and emotionally) is far more likely to be remembered than
what you say.
How can you minister to grieving persons?
Admit to yourself that you are a griever. Look honestly at what scares you about grief.
Be more willing to listen to the griever than to tell him what he ought to do.
Be concrete in your ministry to persons in the throes of grief.
Be willing to back off and let your relationship with the grieving person return to normal as she
adjusts to her loss.

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