TWO SIDES BOOK 1

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BY

PUMZA SHABANGU
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Copyright © 2022 by Pumza Shabangu

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,

places, and incidents either are the product of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and
any resemblance to the actual person, living or
dead, business establishments, events, or locales is
entirely coincidental.
Also by Pumza Shabangu :
• Unspoken Truth (MM romance)
• Ravaged Souls (MM and FM romance)
• Strum My Pain (MF romance)
• Something About You (MM romance)
• Strumlet (MF romance)
The above books are edited, published and
available at all major books stores in RSA
The author has books on Kindle Amazon and
a Facebook page where she writes : Stories by
Pumza Shabangu.
These books are intended for adult readers as
they contain explicit sexual content.

COMING SOON :
• Chains That Bind
• Save My Soul
• Rain Clouds Linger

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• Three Is a Crowd
• Blurred Lines
Two Sides

Prologue

“Hey, are you here for the internship as well?” I whirled

around at the deep voice that came from behind me. I’d
been standing in front of the door with a paper written
Interns stuck on it. I was nervous. It was my first time at
any job place, and I didn’t want to mess it up. My family
depended on me doing well at this and securing a job for
myself. The company was one of the companies everyone
in SA wanted to work for. A dream job for most black
upcoming. Well, at least it should be. The man the voice
belonged to distracted me, though, and I welcomed the
distraction. I was nervous, not dead. And the guy, holy
dayum, he was hot. Nothing extra about what he wore,
jeans, a t-shirt, and a blazer over it. The uniform for the
guys out of university. I wore my black pencil skirt, white
blouse, and blazer over it. We tried to look professional
with the little that we had. The guy had a tentative smile
mixed with a frown, and I belatedly realised he was waiting
for a response.
“Yes.” I squeaked, cleared my throat. “Yes”
“Me too. I’m so nervous.”
“Me too.” I parroted.
“I’m Nhlakanipho.” He stretched his hand towards me,
and it was warm and clammy as I shook it back. Mine was
just as sweaty.
“Zukiswa. Maybe we should go in.”
“Yes.” He still hadn’t let my hand go. And for some
reason, I wanted to hold on. Someone opened the door
behind us, and we dropped our hands.
“You two must be the missing interns. When you are
ready, do join us.” My nerves returned a hundredfold as we
followed the man in a suit. He didn’t break a smile as he
led us inside the room with about twenty people. All the
faces were young and eager, and I could see they would
trample anything in their path to get to what they wanted.
Pity they didn’t know me; otherwise, they would quiver in
their seats. I was here to stay and would take no prisoners.
“Right, now that everyone is here.” The man stood at the
head of the group, and his eyes swept around the elegant
conference table. “First rule. I hate late coming.” He
looked pointedly at Nhlakanipho and me, and I squirmed
in my seat. “Secondly, I don’t deal with excuses. You will
execute your job, and you’ll do so beyond your capabilities,
or you are out. At the end of this internship, only two of
you will have a job in this company. The rest of you will
leave with enough experience to help you become the
most wanted in the market.” Worried eyes darted around
the table. Deep within my soul, I knew I was one of the
two. I didn’t care what I had to do. That job would be
mine. I made eye contact with Nhlakanipho sitting across
from me and saw the gleam in his eyes. He would be my
competition. I let out a slow smile. Let the games begin.
“Here is to us!” Nhla raised his glass to me, and I raised
my glass in return. We were sitting at a secluded table at a
busy restaurant in town.
“We made it,” I said after a sip.
“Did you think we wouldn’t?” He asked, his confident
smirk in space, the smirk that made my panties wet.
“No, I knew we would, from the beginning, at least I
would,” I smirked right back as he laughed. We were
indeed the final two candidates that aced the program and
had been appointed by the company. The internship had
been demanding, gruelling work, and accurate to the
instructor’s word. I learned a lot and took so much from it.
“I couldn’t have chosen a better partner and competitor.”
Nhla regarded me with this intense look that he had on
occasion, and it made me feel exposed, like he saw parts of
me I didn’t even recognise.
“You make it sound more than work,” I remarked, smiling
at him.
“We could be,” he watched his hand toying with his glass
on the table.
“Nhla,” I warned; we’ve had this conversation before. I
wanted him, and he wanted me with intensity none of us
could understand, but we both agreed to mix business with
pleasure wasn’t a good idea.
“Zuki, we got the job. This is our life, and I want you
riding it with me.” He leaned forward, abandoning his
glass. His gaze searched mine, and I’m sure he could see
the answers in my eyes. I was ready to give in, and I just
needed one tiny push over the edge.
“We will be working closely together.”
“Even better, I love working with you. You challenge me
in ways no one can. Your drive and ambition match mine,
yet we aren’t overdoing each other but complementing.”
His words stroked inner parts of me. I loved that he
recognised the power within me, and it didn’t offend his
masculinity.
“Okay, let’s try.” I looked up at him, and he smiled.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“Nhla,” I giggled. “We haven’t eaten.” He stood, dropping
cash on the table.
“I’m suddenly hungry for something else.” He reached out
for my hand and pulled me to my feet. “I’m ravenous.”
His voice lowered while my body shivered. I stood and
took a big sip of my wine then grabbed my handbag. Our
waiter looked at us in surprise as we walked past him.
“Your cash is on the table,” Nhla informed him. I was
trying not to trip over my feet at the speed we were
walking. Once outside, Nhla had me with my back against
the wall in a split second.
“I’ve been wanting to do this since the day I met you.” His
voice had gone deeper, and his warm breath fanned my
face. I held his hands that were cupping my cheeks.
“What are you waiting for.” I challenged. He leaned
forward with his eyes locked on mine, then at the last
second, they fluttered closed, the touch of his lips on mine
was soft and tentative but it sent tingles throughout my
body. I bucked my hips against him as his body heat
enveloped mine. He pressed me into the wall as our lips
got acquainted. He quenched my thirst in ways I didn’t
imagine, and I still needed more. Our laboured breaths
mingled as our chests heaved. “Need you.” I barely came
up for air before he was plundering my lips again.
A loud cleared throat had us parting. An older woman,
stood on the pavement with a tiny dog in a leash, both
gawking at us.
“Maybe you two should continue this at home? Mh” the
old lady raised her weathered eyebrow, the look alone
enough to chastise us. Nhlakanipho completely pulled
away, smiled his apologies at the elderly lady and dragged
me with him. We both giggled once we were out of sight.
“My place?” he asked after a few minutes of silence. I
mean we’d been walking towards his direction for a while.
It was a given at this point.
“Yes.” I leaned heavily against his arm, bringing him
closer.
“It’s not much.” For the first time I detected a hint if
uncertainty. “I share with two other roommates. It’s what I
could afford while I was on the internship.” I came to a
stop while pulling at his arm.
“Nhla, you never have to apologise to me for your
circumstances.” His eyes searched mine. “Besides, you are
one up on me. I still stay at home. With my parents.”
He smiled, pated my hand and continued walking “I’d say,
you are the lucky one.”
“Why is that?” I prodded. In the year we’d been together
he never spoke about anything personal.
“This is me.” Instead of responding to my question he
pointed at an apartment building before us. It wasn’t the
worst building in the city, but it wasn’t the best either. The
street was lined by different apartments buildings all for
rentals. It wasn’t the safest part of the town but wasn’t the
worst one either. The worst was just on the other side of
the street. That one I knew not to even get lost in it as it
was notorious for drug pushing, trafficking and
prosecution.
“Well take me to your sanctuary.”
“Hardly a sanctuary but it will do.” He led me through the
wide door of the building and up the flight of stairs. We
were on the 3rd floor when he turned into a dimly lit
passage. My breathing was laboured. I wasn’t sure whether
it was from climbing the stairs or the nerves. I had never
done anything like this. It wasn’t even a conscious choice
to remain a virgin, but the lack of suitable candidates
forced me into celibacy. But now I was ready to give the V
card up and I couldn’t think of any better man than Nhla.
He had my heart pumping and my veins heating. The
constant nearness we were subjected to when we were
working together was the catalyst.
My mind came into my senses as we walked into the flat.
The living room was nothing to write home about. An old
couch and a few battered single chairs and even the
kitchen looked worse for wear. But it was clean, freakishly
clean, nothing out of place.
“Would you like something to drink?” Nhla asked and I
turned to face him, my hands running over his chest and
looping around his neck.
“No, I’d like to finish what we started outside the
restaurant.” He smiled his hands resting on my hips as he
pulled me closer to him.
“I’d love that,” he lowered his head, watching me until his
soft lips landed at the corner of my mouth. “I’ve been
waiting for this since the day we met.”
“Me too,” I whispered them turned my lips fully against
his, then he was kissing me hard, deep and so beautiful. It
wasn’t my first kiss, I had kissed many frogs before,
sloppy, hard and slimy type of kissing but this, this was
next level. It communicated what our bodies couldn’t, the
blind need and desire. I felt him pulling me, moving with
me. Then he bumped something and muttered a curse. I
could barely hear or feel a thing but his lips moving against
mine. My entire body trembled with need. I pulled his
jersey over his head our lips separating momentarily. Then
I was fumbling with his shirt. When he bumped into
another piece of furniture or wall, he swore again then
scooped me up in his arms. The way to his bedroom was
hazy. I buried my nose in his neck and inhaled his scent. A
slight woody fragrance, which teased my senses since I met
him. We clumsily landed on the bed, and we scrambled
with our clothes. Suddenly, our heated bodies were sliding
against each other. His heated member heavy and pulsating
against my heated core.
“I didn’t think this would ever happen.” He whispered, his
big hands cupping my face as he pushed my hair off my
face.
“Why would it not? You are hot Nhla.” The corner of his
eyes crinkled as he smiled.
“Because, Zuki, you are way out of my league.” There was
no malice, just a statement but I still frowned. How can he
think such a thing? “You are beautiful, smart and you
come from a good family. What do I have to offer you?”
“You.” I ran my palm up his jaw. “I just want you.” He
closed his eyes and lowered his head, taking my lips in a
reverent kiss. I opened my legs wider inviting him in.
“Condom.” He muttered then he reached across fumbling
in a drawer. I didn’t make it easy for him as I ran my hands
all over his bare torso, tracing his lean muscles as he
fumbled with the condom packet. Then my curiosity got
the best of me, I dropped my eyes and suddenly I was
filled with dread. Would I be able to accommodate all of
that? I remembered the first sex talk with my mom. When
she warned me that as beautiful as sex was it still hurt the
first time, especially if the man or both of us didn’t know
what we were doing. I didn’t know what I was doing. Of
course I knew the mechanics of it I wasn’t living under a
rock but I didn’t know, know, you know what I mean.
“I hope you know what you are doing.” My voice sounded
higher in my ears. He paused and looked up his brows
drawing together.
“I do” His frowned deepened. “Do you not want this?” I
licked my suddenly dry lips.
“I do. It’s just that I haven’t done it before.” His eyes
widened then he broke into a huge smile.
‘You mean.” I placed my palms over my heated face. I
should have had this conversation long before being naked
and spread like a wanton under him. He gently removed
my hands and held them above me. “It’s nothing to be
ashamed of baby. In fact I’m honoured to be your first.”
“I didn’t do it to honour anyone.” I shrugged. He smiled
and then kissed me. Then he worshiped my body in ways I
didn’t think were possible. My imagination paled in
comparison. The feel of him slowly moving in and out of
me as my vaginal walls gripped him was indescribable. The
heated look in his eyes, spoke of need, love, and
possession. In that moment he captured my soul and my
heart. I couldn’t imagine myself like that with anyone else
but him. Our bodies were created for each other, and our
hearts were made to be one. I knew then I loved him, and
he loved me.
The sound of an unfamiliar ring tone jarred me from my
slumber and my sleepy brain scrambled to catch up to the
conversation above me. The tight hold on me suddenly
loosened as Nhlakanipho scrambled off the bed.
“What do you mean?” The hard tone had me turning to
face him. He was struggling to get dressed with one hand
while the other held the phone. The stormy look on his
face had my insides feeling like ice. “Is my nephew, okay?”
He dropped on the bed as he swallowed. I didn’t hear the
response but the tear that slid down his cheek had my
worried. “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll be right
there.” He threw the phone on the bed and buried his head
in his hands and an anguish sob tore from deep within. I
wrapped my arms around his shoulders not sure what to
do.
“Nhla, what is it?” I tentatively asked.
“My sister and my nephew were in an accident.” I held my
breath, instinctively knowing that this wasn’t good news.
“She is gone.” His anguished sobs tore at my heart.
“And your …” I couldn’t finish. This would be too much
to manage.
“His critical but in a stable condition.” He took a deep
breath and wiped his face. “I have to go.” He was done.
No more tears.
“I’ll come with you.” He nodded but I could see, his mind
was a million miles away.
Two Sides 1

“What is going on with you today, Zuki?” My mother

asked from the living room as I broke a second glass that
evening.
“Nothing mommy, I’m sorry.”
“You’ll replace it with a set bhabha, you can afford to.” My
father pitched in.
“I’d like to be treated to a holiday, not a set of glasses,
Douglas.”
“That means her entire salary for the next six months. Let
the child enjoy her salary while she can.” Bless my father
for trying to defend me.
“She can afford to; she has no expenses.” My mother
wasn’t giving in. Just as I was about to respond to her, my
phone rang and it was on the couch where I was sitting. I
grabbed a dry cloth and sprinted to the lounge.
“Who is Nhla?” my father asked my phone in his hand. I
swiped it off and ran for my room.
“Privacy daddy!” I screamed.
“It was just here!” God living with my parents was a
blessing and a curse.
“Hello.”
“I need you.” My stomach muscles clenched at the sound
of Nhlakanipho’s tortured voice.
“Where are you?”
“Outside your house, I think.” I looked up as if I’d see him
from my window. My father was in the kitchen finishing
the dishes when I stepped out of my room.
“Uyaphi?” he asked.
“Outside Tata, someone is here to see me.”
“At this time?” My mother paused the TV.
“Mama I am not a child. I’ll be back.” I walked out
shutting their responses but I heard the part about as long
as I still lived under their roof. The outside light
immediately came on, flooding the entire front yard with
brightness. “Nhla,” I called out but there was no response.
We were in a fairly safe neighbourhood; I didn’t worry
about being jumped but I mean you can never be too
careful. I pressed the remote and opened the gate slightly. I
didn’t see anyone or a car upfront. Just as I was about to
dial on my phone a sound came from the side of the wall.
Nhlakanipho was sitting on the front lawn leaning against
the wall. I looked back at the house and I could see a
curtain moving. Nosy parents. “Hey,” I tentatively moved
towards him. “How did you get here?” He knew where I
lived, we’d been dropped off by our manager a couple of
times and Nhla always insisted that I get dropped off first.
“Taxi.” He had his eyes closed as he leaned against the
wall. We sat in silence for a while. I didn’t know what to
say. I last saw him the day before when we’d gone to visit
his nephew in hospital. It had been touch and go for a
while but he’d been stable when I left. I couldn’t stand the
silence anymore. I needed to know.
“How is Ntando?” Nhlakanipho turned to me, finally
opening his bloodshot eyes.
“He is okay.” I let out the breath I wasn’t even aware
holding.
“That’s good. Right?”
“Yes.” He sniffed and ran his hand over his face. “I had to
see you. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“I’m glad you came.” He dropped his head on my
shoulder. I took his hand between us in mine.
“Have you eaten?” he shook his head.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Zukiswa,” My father’s booming voice startled us both.
“Bring whoever you have out there, inside.” My panicked
gaze flew to Nhla.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come at this time.” He said,
his face ashen.
“No, you are at the right place. Come, meet my parents
and have some food.”
“Are you sure?” he searched my eyes.
“I am.” We both got on our feet. And I held his hand as I
led him to the house. He pulled at my hand before we
reached the front door.
“Wait, I just want to tell you this before I meet your folks,”
he shifted from foot to foot. “I love you. I think I’ve been
in love from the first day we met.” I felt my eyes sting.
“Me too.” He smiled even though there was sadness in his
eyes. “I love you.” He pulled me to him and held me tight
as we both exhaled. I reluctantly pulled away from him
“Come, let’s go inside.” He took a deep breath and
nodded. My parents sat in one couch watching TV as if
they hadn’t been snooping a few minutes ago.
“Mommy, Daddy, this is Nhlakanipho Ndlovu. Nhla meet
my parents, Miriam and Douglas Njeqe.” Nhla went
around me and first shook my father’s hand then my
mother’s.
“Good evening son.” My father greeted. “Kind of late for
a visit, don’t you think?”
“Tata!” He ignored me and eye balled Nhla.
“I apologise Mr Njeqe, I wasn’t thinking.” Nhlakanipho
rung his hands as he softly spoke to my dad.
“Daddy, please.”
“No Zuki, your father is right. I should get going.”
“Or you should sit down and Zuki will make a plate for
you.” My father cut him off. I smiled my gratitude and
pushed Nhla towards the couch. I knew there would be
leftovers, my mother always made extra. I dished up the
curry and poured juice in a glass, placed everything in a
tray and brought to Nhla. The mood in the room was
sombre and my mother had tears clinging in her eyes. I
knew then Nhla must have informed them of his sister’s
passing.
“I’m sorry to hear that son,” My father comforted.
“So, it’s just you now and your nephew?” My mother
asked.
“Yes maam.” He took the tray from me and I sat next to
him.
“If there is anything you need, let us know.” My father said
getting on his feet. “Sweetie, let’s give the kids some
privacy.” He reached for his wife’s hand and I watched
them disappear down the passage.
“Your parents are kind.” Nhla remarked taking a bite of
his food.
“They are the best.” If they weren’t poking their noses in
my business. “I didn’t know it was just you and your
sister.”
“And Ntando.” He tried to smile but it flopped. “She
raised me when our parents died. I was too young, we had
a great aunt we lived with but she was sickly so Lynette
took the bulk of parenting me. When our aunt died it was
just us for a while. Until she fell pregnant with Ntando.”
He pushed his food around his plate.
“Try and eat some more.” I encouraged. He did try, he was
halfway when he put the plate down.
“Thank you.” He glanced at me. “I have to go back.
Tomorrow I need to start with the funeral arrangements.”
“I’ll take my dad’s car and drive you.”
“It’s late babe. I’ll take a metre taxi.”
“Nhla, I want to help. Please let me help you.” He watched
me for a few seconds then nodded.
“Thank you.” I grabbed my father’s car keys and house
keys as we walked out. He directed me to his house, it
wasn’t too far from my house. The typical Joburg set up,
the wealthy on the one side and the poor not too far. But
Nhlakanipho’s home was in a less crowded part of the
location. He directed me to a modest two bedroom with a
small yard with a neatly trimmed grass. It looked like
someone took care of it regularly.
“This is me, where I grew up with Lynette. Where she was
raising Ntando while I pursued my dreams.” I glanced at
him. He was looking out the window.
“Dreams you have a right to pursue. I’m sure your sister
didn’t begrudge you of that.” A faint smile teased his lips.
“No, she didn’t. She worked her ass off to make sure that I
was able to. The little she had, she shared with me.”
“She was a great sister.”
“Was.” His voice cracked and then his shoulder shook. I
belatedly realised he was crying. I pulled him towards me
as I wrapped my arms around him. It was awkward over
the console but he was in my arms and I wanted to hold
him until his heart stopped bleeding. “I don’t know what
to do. Where do I begin to plan for her funeral? Zee, what
do I do with Ntando? He is so young; he needs his
mother.” His voice was muffled against my chest.
“You’ll figure it out. Remember. I am here.” He took me
inside the house. Strange no one was home. Usually when
someone passed there would be people around, relatives
on the mattress to receive visitors or something. But not in
this case.
“Most of my family will come from KZN and Eastern
Cape. Hopefully. We haven’t seen any of them since my
parents passed. Only my great aunt stuck around. The rest
left us with promises that they wouldn’t let us suffer and to
call them when we needed. But when we did, the phones
went unanswered. So, I’m not holding my breath for any
of them to show.” I sat on the couch and Nhla went to the
kitchen. He came back with two cups of tea.
“Are your sister’s things in order?”
“I’ll know tomorrow. There is nothing in her bank
account. I can’t find any of her payslips so I’ll have to go
to the supermarket she worked at tomorrow.” I stayed
with Nhlakanipho until late and only when my father called
to check up on me. I left him with a promise to call the
next day. I had work to do; unlike Nhla I didn’t have a
right to take time off. I didn’t want to make excuses; we
were starting in our new positions. Nhlakanipho had
secured a junior site engineer position while I secured a
Quantity surveyor position. We weren’t in competing this
time but working together. What I liked about the
company was the opportunity for growth.
“Our end goal Zee is to own ours,” Nhlakanipho drilled
this to me the moment we began our internship. “Get as
much experience and contacts as we can. We will do our
own thing.” His drive fuelled mine.
The following morning, I went to work while Nhla began
funeral arrangements. He kept me updated with messages
throughout the day. Lynette worked as a chef at the
supermarket, it didn’t pay a lot, but she had a few policies
that would cover the funeral. As interns we didn’t get
much so I doubted Nhla had money saved up. I was just
packing up at a job site getting ready to leave when my
phone rang.
“Hey baby,” the endearment just slipped out and I wanted
to swallow my tongue.
“I like that.” Nhlakanipho responded in a satisfied tone.
“How are you?”
He sighed and I braced myself. “Tired. Good news though
Ntando is being discharged today.”
“That’s great news, why do you sound so down?”
“I’m held up at municipality to book a grave site. I don’t
want him to take a taxi straight out of hospital.”
“I’ll fetch him.” I didn’t need him to say any more.
“Thank you. I’m not home though so maybe chill with him
until I return. I’ll call you when I’m done here.”
“No worries. Do what you have to do, I’ll take care of
him.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You won’t have to find out.” I hung up my heart beating
loud. It was scary how deep I felt for him. He was
suddenly feeling like the oxygen I needed to breathe. If this
is what love felt like, then it was scary as hell. Because at
this point, I’d do anything necessary for him and he’d do
the same. I was screwed., I mean I was only twenty-two
and just starting out in my career and Nhlakanipho only a
year older than me. These kinds of feelings were too deep.
Weren’t they?
I drove my mother’s car to the hospital. I went straight to
Ntando’s ward and found him waiting, his bed made and a
backpack by his side. He had his arm in a cast over his
chest the only indication that he was in an accident. I knew
he also had cracked ribs from the seatbelt impact and he’d
hit the back of his head.
“Hello.” He looked up and frowned. “I’m Zukiswa, your
uncle sent me to fetch you.”
“Oh. Thank you.” He stood and dwarfed me in height. A
gangly teenager who was as tall as his uncle, he just didn’t
have the muscle Nhlakanipho had yet. He went to grab his
backpack and I reached for it.
“I’ll carry it don’t worry.” He shrugged and waited for me
to lead the way. We were silent all the way to the car and
even as I drove out, he didn’t say anything. I kept glancing
at him as I drove towards my house and not once did, he
questions where were going. “How old are you anyway,
you are so tall.” I wanted to fill in the silence.
“Fifteen.” He didn’t say anything afterwards.
“Your uncle isn’t home yet so he asked me if I could keep
you company until he returned.” My statement was met
with more silence. When I arrived home, he remained
seated, passively checking out the place. I tried to see my
home through his eyes. What did he think of it? Did he
think like my high school mates did? I was a privileged
coconut? With the frown he wore maybe he did.

“How do you know uncle Nhla?” He had an intense gaze

for his age. Where Nhlakanipho was laid back with a
friendly face, Ntando was harder and more aloof. It could
just be grief. I had just met the boy.

“We work together.” Also, he just became my boyfriend. I

didn’t voice that sudden boasting voice. My father opened
the door just then. I watched as Ntando unclipped his
seatbelt wincing in pain. I went around to open his door
intending to help him out.
“I’m good.” He growled. I step aside to allow him space.
He grabbed his backpack and waited.
“Come, meet my dad.” I led him to where my father was
standing.
“Another guest, U busy Nontombi.” My father remarked
with a smile. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Daddy, this is Ntando, Nhlakanipho’s nephew.” He
sobered up and looked at Ntando with sympathy.
“I’m sorry for your loss son.” He extended his hand
towards Ntando, who just looked at it. I belatedly realised
he had one arm in a cast and another holding a bag. My
father must have realised the same thing as he dropped his
hand. Ntando didn’t say much as we entered the house or
when my mother fussed over him. He seemed to be getting
more agitated. Eventually when the one-word answers
became no answers we gave him space and left him staring
at the tv in the lounge.
“This boy is going through it.” My mother whispered to
me in the kitchen.
“It must be hard to lose a mother just like that.” I
responded, taking out a glass from the cupboard. I poured
juice and took it to Ntando who didn’t even acknowledge
me as placed on the table before him. I wasn’t offended.
He was a teenager who just had his world turned upside
down.
“I feel like we need to do something.” My mother
suggested. I knew my mother, she stuck her nose in
situations, especially if people were in need and vulnerable.
She always wanted to help. At church she led the welfare
department. At times I felt she took more than her mental
health could handle, but that was my mother and I loved
her for her heart.
“Like what?” I asked and immediately knew I would regret
asking.
“Help with the preparations. I mean it seems like
Nhlakanipho is all by himself. Will they have people
helping with the cooking?”
“Mommy, I don’t think it’s our place. Besides, I told Nhla
I would help if he needed. He’ll ask.”
“Mmh.” She didn’t say anything else but I knew wheels
were turning in her head. I helped her prepare dinner. I
would check on Ntando from time to time but he didn’t
seem incline to talk. My father sat with him in silence and I
was grateful that he was there. A solid presence.
Nhlakanipho arrived just as we were about to have supper.
My mother didn’t take no for an answer and insisted
Nhlakanipho and Ntando joined us. I drove them home
afterwards, the ride was silent and full of sad tension.
Nhlakanipho remained seated in the car while Ntando got
out of the car the moment I parked by his house.
“He is not taking the news well.” Nhla said as he watched
Ntando unlock the house.
“It will take some time.”
“Yeah. It will be harder when I tell him we have to move.”
“Move, to where? Isn’t this Lynette’s house?”
Nhla shook his head. “My great aunt long lost son came to
see me today, he has papers that claim the house is in his
name.” He laughed an empty laugh. “Apparently he’d been
trying to evict Lynette for a while. She must have decided
not to tell me.” He shook his head. “She always tried to
protect me and Ntando to her own detriment.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Get the funeral over with then I will take it from there.”
He turned to look at me and linked our hands together.
“Thank you, baby.”
“You are welcome.”
“How was the first day at work.” I knew he needed a
distraction. “I can’t believe I missed that.” We sat back,
reclining our seat and I filled him in on the day. It was over
an hour later when he got out of the car, his mood a little
lighter.
Two Sides 2

“Zuki, you will be at that station peeling pumpkin with

Thandi.” My mother instructed as Thandiswa, and I looked
at each other. I had known Thandiswa since she was a
baby, she was my mom’s best friend, Sis Nelisiwe’s,
daughter. Sis Neli had just finished with the green beans
and now peeling the potatoes. We’d been at this for hours.
It was a Friday night before the funeral. During the week,
it became apparent that Nhlakanipho had no one except
for his two friends and roommates, Lunga and KG. We
couldn’t really count Ntando, he was still in pain and his
grief consumed him that he spent his time locked in his
room. After seeing this my parents stepped in. My dad was
currently sitting with Nhlakanipho and pastor Zwide from
our church. My dad asked the pastor to step in when it was
clear that Nhla and his family hadn’t been to church since
his parents passed. Nhlakanipho had been three then.

“Shouldn’t this be done by a catering company?” Thandi

whispered to me.

“It could but my mom and I are happy to help.”

“I don’t understand why I had to be roped into this. I

hardly know these people.” She sulked.
“These people, are my friends.” I gritted. She rolled her
eyes.

“Just say it, you like the dude and you are trying to impress
him.” I let out an exasperated sound.

“I like him, yes, and I want to help. Mom wants to help,

Sis Neli wants to help. You are the only one sulking.”

“Whatever bruh, I just don’t understand why you couldn’t

outsource this. Your family can afford it.” There was no
reasoning with Thandi when she was sulking, so I thought
of a way to change the subject.

“How is Uni?”

“It sucks, lots of work and little time for everything else.”

“Yeah, well it’s not high-school for sure. How is res?” She
went to Wits and didn’t want to commute from home.
“That’s the dope part. I get to do what I want when I want
without mom nagging.” She looked at me. “You should try
the independence, it’s freeing”

“I like my life the way it is, thank you very much.” I got to
live with my parents who dotted on me. I didn’t have to do
much at home besides work and keep my room straight.

“Zuki,” she shook her head. “Sometimes I forget you are

four years older. Don’t you yearn for your independence?”

“My parents are chilled; I have my independence while I

stay with them.” She looked pointedly at my mom on the
other side of the working station. We had set up tables in
Nhla’s small backyard as the kitchen was too small to
accommodate us all.

“But here they are, in a home of a man you are barely

dating.”

“I’ve known Nhlakanipho for a year, he is important to

me, and my parents know that.” We went back and forth,
the bickering was familiar with us, she was like a sibling I
never had. By midnight I was exhausted but we were done
with peeling. There was a small group of people from
church having night vigil, my mom and sis Neli were
sitting in a corner with cups they didn’t seem to put down
and their chatter was getting louder. Thandi was glued to
her phone, so I went in search of Nhla. The front yard had
a tent erected, blocking the street and that’s where the
wake was held. I smiled and waved at the familiar faces as I
walked past. A few cars lined the streets but there wasn’t
anyone in them.

“Hey.” A familiar voice came from behind me just as I was

about to return to the house. His solid arms held me from
behind and my tired body sagged into him. His cool lips
caressed the side of my neck and my body shivered.
“Where are you going?” His voice rumbled and
goosebumps lined my skin.

“Looking for you.” I murmured. His lips worked on the

most sensitive part of my neck, and I pushed against him.
How did he even know where to touch me?

“Now that you’ve found me, what are you going to do?”
His hands cupped my heavy breasts and a moan slipped
out.

“Baby, what are you doing?” We were in the darker part of

the street as some streetlights were broken, but there was
still movement and the singing reminded me of where we
were.

“I need you.” He muttered. Pressing his bulge against my

ass. “Make me forget.” He growled. My knees buckled. He
gently pushed me against the nearest wall, his body
shielding me from everything else. We were cocooned in
darkness, the light from my periphery reminding me
weren’t alone. His lips clung to mine, his hands fumbling
with a dress I wore, lifting it. My hands worked his belt
buckle. I was suddenly as desperate as he was. Once I had
him in my hand he groaned. It still felt strange to hold a
man’s hard on, the silkiness and yet the steely feel of it in
my hand fascinated me. I felt him push my panties to the
side and then his fingers were swiping my wet folds. I
widened my legs to give him better access. While stroking
him. When I wasn’t satisfied with the angle, I lifted my leg
and hooked it around his waist that brought him closer to
my needy core. I pulled at him and directed him where I
needed.

“Condom baby,” He muttered against my lips.

“Where is it?” I whined.

“I don’t have on me.” He leaned his forehead against
mine. His warm breath on my face.

“I don’t care,” I lined his tip at my entrance. All the sex

talk and safety precautions my parents drilled to me when I
was coming off age, out the window. He held my wrist.

“Baby, baby, wait. Wait” He gently pulled my hand. “We

can’t be irresponsible like that. I’m sorry.” I moved closer,
kissing his neck, his jaw, his soft lips. I was needy, and I
wanted him. Consequences be damned. He let out a loud
groan.

“Want you.” I felt crazy and heady with need. I quickened

my pace stroking him.

“Let me take care of you.” His fingers returned to my

heated centre, stroking my swollen nub. I held him closer
then as he did me. Our lips locked and breaths mingling. It
didn’t take me long to topple over the edge. He muffled
my screams with his lips. Then I felt him tense, and he was
spilling over my hand. We were both panting as we
watched each other. Our eyes adjusted to the darkness.
“Zuki, Uphi na?” My mother’s voice startled us both.
“Have you seen Nhlakanipho? He has a visitor.”

“Shit!” Nhla silently cursed. He grabbed my hand and

wiped with the inside of his shirt, while I righted my
clothes, then zipped him up.

“There you are, kunini ndikufuna.” My mother stood not far

from us with a lady I didn’t know. I prayed they didn’t
come closer. “What are you two doing in the dark?”

“I’m discussing something with Nhlakanipho, mommy.” I

was proud my voice was steady.

“Aza?” Nhla was looking at the woman with my mom, she

smiled and walked towards us.

“Hey Nhlaka.” Then they were hugging. Aza was short

with an afro that looked too good to be real styled in a
bun. My insides twisted as I watched her cling to
Nhlakanipho her toes barely touching the ground. My
mother slipped away. I stood awkwardly like an intruder
while my body still hummed with pleasure. After what felt
like an eternity, they pulled apart.
“How did you know?” Nhlakanipho asked, still holding
her hands.

“Lunga, called. Why didn’t you tell me?” She swiped her
thumb below his eye.

“You were in the UK, babe.” He shrugged. My brain short

circuited at ‘babe’.

“Well. I’m here now. I’m so sorry.” Her voice wobbled

and they were hugging again. I couldn’t watch. If I stayed I
would rip her hair off, so I walked away. Just as I walked
through the gate, Ntando was coming out, a hoodie
covering him.

“Hey Ntando, where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Ntando?”

“Ai, yini manje?” His face twisted in an angry scowl.

“Don’t take that tone with me!” Ntando could barely look
at me. “Where are you going?” My tone became softer; I
didn’t want to antagonize the boy further.

“You are not my mother; you are just my uncle’s latest

fuck!”

“Ntando!” Nhlakanipho admonishing tone came from

behind us. Ntando shifted from foot to foot eyes on the
ground. “Apologise to Zukiswa this instance.”

“Sorry.” The boy mumbled. I wasn’t there anymore; my

eyes were on the two joined hands.

“Uyakuphi?” Nhlakanipho asked him.

“Around the corner to chill with my friends,” He looked at

his uncle then and breathed. “They’ve come to keep me
company, uncle Nhla.” Nhlakanipho Nodded.

“Hi, sis Aza.” He tried to smile but it fell short.

“Hello, Ntando. I’m sorry about your mom.” Ntando’s jaw
hardened. We all watched him disappear behind the tent.

“Zuki, this is Aza, my childhood friend.” He didn’t say

what I was to him and that left a bile taste in my mouth.

“Hi, Aza, nice meeting you.” I stretched my hand to her

and she had to let go of Nhlakanipho’s hand and shake
mine. The handshake was cold and short.

“Same.” She smiled. I plastered one I hope was

convincing. “My mother is looking for me. I’ll see you
guys.” I didn’t wait for their response as I sprinted to the
back I didn’t see Nhlakanipho for the rest of the evening
but Aza came to join in the preparations. I couldn’t even
hate her in peace because she was friendly to all of us and
was pulling her weight, helping.
A combi arrived early hours of the morning full of
Nhlakanipho’s relatives from Eastern Cape and another
car from KZN arrived just before the arrival of the hearse.
The mood was sombre and a few people broke into cries
as the coffin was carried into the house. I watched from
the corner with Aza next to me, as Nhlakanipho held
Ntando’s hand. Just the two of them, next to the coffin.
The taxi accident had been bad as a result they were not
allowed to view the body. The prayers started and once the
service was over, the crowd dispersed ready to have
breakfast before the main service began. I couldn’t be part
of that as I was neck deep with cooking. Aza seemed
familiar with everything and even knew some of the
relatives, so she was just as busy if not more as more
people deferred to her. I was exhausted but so was
everyone else. None of us got any sleep. I only slipped out
for half an hour to bath and change unlike mom and the
rest I hadn’t brought a change of clothes.

“It has been a long day.” My mother remarked late in the

afternoon. The funeral had been over hours ago, people
ate and left, even the church people had gone. The only
people remained were my parents, Sis Neli, Thandiwe, and
only Nhla and Ntando from their family and Aza of
course. We were all sitting under the tent, showing
different degrees of fatigue.

“I’d like to extend my thanks to all of you.” Nhla cleared

his throat as he looked at each person present. “These past
few days, you’ve showed me what love of a family looks
like. Thank you”
“We will always be here as long as you boys need us.” My
father responded.

“I think it’s time we left too, Thandi has to return to res,

and I have an early shift tomorrow.” Sis Neli was a nurse
in a private hospital.
“Nathi singahamba moss.” My mother looked at me.

“You can, I’ll stay for a bit.” She nodded and they all got
up to collect their staff.

“I’ll send a few of my boys to come and disassemble the

tent and pick up all the catering equipment.” My father
told Nhlakanipho. “And you, young man, I hear you are
doing IT as a subject.” He directed to Ntando, and it came
out of nowhere, Nhlakanipho and I looked at each other.

“Yes, sir.” Ntando responded. He didn’t say much around

the adults.

“Well, I might have a job for you on weekends, come see

me.” My father said as he eyeballed Ntando. Ntando could
only nod his response. “Good. Your uncle will give you my
numbers.” He kissed me on the cheek and went to join his
wife. Ntando and Aza went to the house leaving Nhla, and
I in the tent. I wanted to ask if Aza was staying over, in
fact I had a lot of questions about her but Nhlakanipho
seemed so happy to have her around, I didn’t want come
off as an insecure girlfriend. I mean if he had something g
to disclose about her, he would have, right?
“You look tired.” I link our hands together.
“I could sleep for days, but I have work tomorrow.” He
leaned back in his chair closing his eyes.
“So, soon?”
“I haven’t accumulated leave days, so yeah. But it’s cool, I
need to keep busy. Ntando is also returning to school.” We
chatted for a while until we could barely keep our eyes
open. “Stay here, you can’t drive this tired.” Nhla
suggested and I didn’t have energy to argue. Aza had taken
over Lynette’s room, so we made a makeshift bed on the
lounge floor. Once under the blanket, we fell in each
other’s arms and the world, and my insecurities
disappeared. The floor even with the rug and duvet cover
was hard and uncomfortable but it was the best sleep of
my life. Waking up wrapped in Nhla’s arms was what my
soul had yearned for without even knowing.

We began the new week with vigour. Work kept us busy,

and we didn’t have time for anything else. The company
had new projects and it wasn’t long before they stopped
babysitting us and expected results. I didn’t work much
with Nhla, he was at a different site, but we communicated
throughout our days. One night just as I began relaxing
with a cup of tea my mom made for me, a call came
through.
“Baby, I can’t find Ntando.” I sat up placing my hot cup
on the table.

“What do you mean you can’t find him?” It was late and
Ntando should’ve been back from school hours ago.

“He isn’t home, and none of the neighbours have seen

him. I’m worried.”

“Don’t panic.” I sounded more panicked than him. “I’ll be

there soonest.” I hung up. My parents watched me with
worry marrying their faces. “Ntando isn’t home.” I slipped
my feet onto my shoes and my father was already heading
for the door.

“Tell me when you find him,” my mother called after us.

“The boy will need a lot of patience. It’s such a terrible age
for one to lose a parent.” My father said as he drove to
Nhlakanipho’s. My mind was buzzing with scenarios of
what could’ve happened. We found Nhlakanipho standing
outside the yard, a phone against his ear. He immediately
went to the back seat while hanging up.
“Sanibonani baba,”

“Any news?” my father asked.

“I called everyone no one has seen him.” I detected the

worry in Nhla’s voice.

“We will find him.” I reassured.

“Take me to places they might sell alcohol to a minor.” My

father suggested as he drove off. Nhlakanipho directed.
We went to a couple of places and drove around for hours
with no luck.

“This might be a stretch, but there is a place by his

school.” Ntando went to school in the city, so we headed
there. I spotted him the moment dad pulled up in front of
the establishment.

“There he is.” I pointed. The place was packed but he sat

alone in a table, his head on the table. Nhlakanipho pushed
the door open and took long strides towards his nephew.
My father held my arm just as I was about to follow.
“Give them time.” We watched as Nhla grabbed Ntando’s
backpack from the floor and shook Ntando awake.
Eventually Ntando’s head aroused from the table. Even
from the distance I could see he was drunk. Ntando helped
him to his feet and dragged him to the car. Nhla
unceremoniously pushed the drunk boy inside the car.

“One moment Baba, I’ll be back.” He went back to the

tavern. This time I followed him.

“Nhla, wait!” he didn’t listen as he pushed past other

drunks until he saw a waitress.

“Call your manager, before I call the cops!” he demanded.

The poor girl only nodded and disappeared to the back. A
moment later she came back with a stocky short woman,
who wore a no-nonsense scowl.

“You asked for me?”

“I am calling the cops on this place.” Nhla said pulling his

phone out of his pocket.
“What for?” the woman didn’t seem bothered.

“For selling alcohol to a minor. Last I checked that was

against the law.” The woman shrugged.

“Call them.” I wanted to smack the I don’t care look off

her face.

“Son, the police don’t work for these people.” The

woman’s eyes widened as my father came from behind us.
“Let me have a talk with the mayor, maybe it’s time
inspections are done in this place.” He looked around,
nonchalantly, with hand in his pocket. “Grace,”

“Mr. Njeqe. I …I …”

“Don’t crack your skull, Grace. Do me a favour, next time

you see that boy in here call me. Mh” Grace nodded; all
pompousness gone. “And don’t sell alcohol to minors if
you still want to keep your business.”

“I didn’t know he…”

“Let’s go you two.” My father cut her off. I must say I was
impressed. I’d never seen my dad put someone in their
place so swiftly. I wondered if this was the business side of
him. Maybe I should’ve joined his company as he’d
suggested. “You can’t go threating people like Grace if you
don’t have balls to back it up.” Okay, maybe not. He
would’ve driven me crazy as a boss. Nhlakanipho and I
kept our mouths shut. Ntando was sleeping when we got
into the car. My dad drooped them off their house. I
wanted to stay behind but the look my dad gave me told
me that I needed to return home with him.

Over the weekend, Nhlakanipho was moving Ntando’s to

his flat. Their uncle had come to claim the house and
Nhlakanipho didn’t want to fight him. The move was
temporary as it was impractical for them to share a room.
Over the next coming weeks, Nhla began looking for a
place for the two of them. We didn’t see each other often.
I lived at home, and he had Ntando in his room. Their
relationship was volatile to say the list. Ntando’s drinking
was becoming a problem and his grades were deteriorating.
Nhlakanipho was at his wits end. I missed him. I wanted
some quality time together and the calls weren’t doing
enough, and we had no privacy. I suggested a weekend
away after our first real salary, but Nhlakanipho had
responsibilities. Ntando’s school fees, Deposit for a new
place. So, I backed off and stopped whining. I offered to
help but Nhla was a man with pride. He’d taken enough
from me, he said. It was a month later when he secured a
place to stay. A townhouse far from the city, their old place
and far from the location. He said it was to remove
Ntando from his old friends and maybe that would calm
him down.

Even when they moved to a new place, we didn’t visit each

other. He was trying to connect with Ntando and having
me in the mix might muddle things. Logically I understood
but an irrational part of me felt like an outcast. It didn’t
help that I missed him.

A month later, it came as a surprised to me when he

invited me over to their place for dinner. I repeatedly asked
him if he was sure so many times, he thought I was having
second thoughts about us. I won’t lie the insecurities had
creeped in even though I knew he was just trying to help
his nephew to get settled. I never had a relationship before
and to begin one with so much baggage, I wasn’t prepared
for was a challenge. I still spent the Saturday at a day spa,
preparing myself to be the dessert. My father whistled as I
walked out of my room.

“Hayibo!” My mother exclaimed. “Uyaphi?”

“Nhlakanipho and I have dinner plans.” My father pursed

his lips.
“He has been quiet. Is he okay?”

“Yes, daddy. He is dealing with Ntando; it’s been a

struggle.” My father nodded.

“That boy still hasn’t taken me up on my offer.”

“Why would you want a troubled teenager working for you

Douglas?” My mother frowned.

“An idle mind is the devil’s playground.” My father

responded as he walked away. My mother and I exchanged
puzzled looks. Just then my phone rang. Nhla was calling.

“Hey.” I breathed.

“I’m outside.” He hung up. I turned to give mommy a

quick hug and then I was heading out. Nhlakanipho was
leaning against a meter taxi, and he walked towards me the
moment I walked out the gate. He wrapped his arms
around me sweeping me off my feet and spinning me until
I was giggling.
“I’ve missed you.” He said placing me back on my feet.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“Come, we have a great evening planned.” He’d booked us

a table at a fancy restaurant. I wasn’t knowing to fine
things. My dad made sure that mom and I experience the
best, but it hit differently with Nhlakanipho. We talked,
really talked about the future. Our plans, our business, and
our family. We were both on the same page about a lot of
things. Even having kids at a later stage as we both wanted
to build our careers. He made my heart hope for more.
No, he didn’t propose, but in my mind, it was already
done. We were on our way to the altar Presumptuous, yes
but you can never argue with matters of the heart.
Two Sides 3

“This place is amazing.” I stood in the centre of a living

room and looked around. The place even though sparsely
furnished had the promise to be stunning. It was a modern
apartment and everything in it seemed fresh, unlike the
outdated flat he lived in. The lounge was a decent size and
it led to a space for a dining area then the kitchen. “How
many bedrooms?” I turned to Nhlakanipho.
“Three, I’m turning the one to an office. It’s not like
Ntando and I will have guests.” I pursed my lips and
batted my eyelashes. “You won’t be needing a separate
bedroom when you visit me.

“I better not.” He laughed. I blinked at him. It was so

good to hear the light-hearted Nhlakanipho. “Where is
Ntando?”

“Probably in his room. Since I bought him a PlayStation,

he doesn’t go anywhere.”

“How are things between you two?”

“Some days are better than others. We started therapy a

week ago and I think being around your dad helps a little.”

“How are you?” I ran my hands over his chest, even with
heels on I still needed to tilt my head to look at him.

“So much better now that you are here.” And just like that
my vagina walls contracted and became slick.
“Then show me to your bedroom.” Nhlakanipho didn’t
just have sex. He worshiped my body. He showed different
ways my body could be pleasured and how his could be. I
thought watching porn, would be the end of my research
but Nhlakanipho didn’t just bang me. He made love not
just physically but with my mind. He spoke to me, words
that sounded lyrical even as they were dirty. He told me
how he wanted it, how he needed it and in turn I was able
to tell him how he made me feel in explicit detail. By the
time we collapsed in exhaustions my limbs were numb and
my voice was hoarse. I was in love and Nhla repeatedly
told me how in love he was that I knew nothing could
break us.

I was in the kitchen the following morning making a

much-needed coffee for Nhlakanipho when Ntando
walked in with a bowl and a cup and placed in in the sink.

“Good morning.” He grunted his response. At times I had

a feeling he didn’t like me but then I hadn’t spent a lot of
time with him. “How are you?” I asked as he turned to
leave. He frowned at me.

“I’m fine.”
“Aren’t you going to rinse that?” I gestured to the sink. His
nose lifted.

“Just because you are sleeping with my uncle doesn’t give

you authority over me!’ Again, with my sleeping
arrangements. The boy was getting on my nerves!

“Ntando! What the hell!’ Ntando winced at his uncle’s

harsh tone. But he quickly hardened his face.

“She doesn’t tell me what to do. She is not my mother.”

He snapped. Nhlakanipho ground his jaw.

“I’m sorry Ntando I overstepped.” I tried to neutralise the

situation.

“No, Ntando is being rude. Ntando apologise to Zukiswa.”

“Sorry.” He mumbled. I smiled at him. He turned and left

the kitchen. We watched him until we heard his room door
banging closed. Nhla, moved to me and held me by my
shoulders.
“I’m sorry, he is never this rude.” I shrugged dislodging his
touch and passed him his cup.

“He is a grieving teenager, baby. I’m not taking it

personally.”

“Still, my sister taught him better than that.” He took a sip

of his cup. “What’s your day like today?”

“I have nothing planned. I was hoping to spend it with you

though. What do you have in mind?” His gave me a
pleased smile.

“I want to take you out for some adventure.”

“Really, to where?”

“Soweto Towers.” My eyes widened. “We can do the

jump, have you bunje jumped before?”
I shook my head, “I don’t think I would enjoy it.”
“That’s what I thought at first but now, I do it so often, I
need a bigger challenge, like jumping out of a plane.”

“Hayi, Nhla, that can’t be me.”

“Come on baby, the towers aren’t bad. If you don’t like it,
we won’t do it again.” I shrugged.

“Okay, I’ll try it for the sake of experience.” He smiled.

“Shouldn’t we invite Ntando?”

“You don’t mind if we do?”

“It might be good for him.” So, he did. Ntando was more
excited than me. We took a taxi to the place and the entire
journey they had a conversation where Ntando seemed to
be actively excluding me. I didn’t mind them, I allowed
them to be. The jump wasn’t bad, I kind of liked it and
that pleased Nhla a great deal. He was already talking about
our next holiday. He wanted to take me to Graskop where
we would do a bigger jump. I agreed to everything because
the idea of doing these things with him was an aphrodisiac
even though my gut twisted with fear at the thought. He
did the quad biking with Ntando while I sat and enjoyed a
cup of coffee. Afterwards the three of us sat for a late
lunch. It was early evening when we returned to his place.

“Thank you for today?” I said as we walked a few feet

behind Ntando.

“I had fun and I think he had fun too.” He gestured

towards Ntando.

“Yeah. Does he talk about me?” Nhla frowned and shook

his head.

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” He held my arm and stopped to look at me.

“Babe?” I sighed.

“Haven’t you noticed he is cold towards me?” As soon as

the words were out, they didn’t sound right to me. Why am
I so desperate to be liked by a teenager?
“Aah, he is forever in a sullen mood. It’s nothing
personal.” I nodded. I didn’t want to dwell on this, I
sounded too petty to be complaining about a mood of a
fifteen-year-old so I let it go. Once inside his place we
went straight to his bedroom where we made love until our
bodies couldn’t take it anymore.

A sound of a ringing phone woke me from my exhausted

slumber. Nhlakanipho was already reaching for it. I picked
up mine and check for the time, it was 5 am and I tried to
get back to sleep and not listen to his one-sided
conversation. I still had two hours before I got ready for
church. But his laughter and relaxed chatter over the
phone didn’t allow me peace. I could reduce from snippets
of the conversation he was speaking to Aza. I threw the
covers off and went for a shower instead. He was still on
the phone when I returned. His eyes tracked my
movement as I got dressed before him. My little attempt at
seduction came flat as he only smiled at me and continued
with his call. I was dressed, sitting in front of his dresser
styling my braids when he finally hung up. I still feasted my
eyes on him as he stretched his long body getting off the
bed. He smiled as he kissed me on the cheek.

“Good morning baby.” I shivered as his lips grazed my ear.

“It isn’t such a great morning when an early phone call
awakens you.” He tilted his head to the side and studied
me.

“I’m sorry about that.” He straightened. “Aza is two hours

behind in London, so she was returning from a party and
called me to share her traumatic evening.”

“Mmh.” He paused by the bathroom and looked at me.

“Okay,” he hesitantly walked back to me. “That doesn’t

sound right. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” I evaded his eyes. And he gently held my chin

to face him.

“It doesn’t look like nothing. I can see you have something
on your mind.”

I sighed, “It’s Aza, have you ever been together?” He

barked out a laugh.
“Aza and I? Together?” When I didn’t return his laugh, he
sobered. “No baby, no.” He grabbed my hands and pulled
me to the bed, sitting us down. “Aza is a good friend, best
friend from even before my parents passed. We share a
deep history, most of it isn’t mine to tell but there had
never been any intimate relations with us.” He reassured.

“Do you not find her attractive?”

“Baby, what is this? As inquisition?” he frowned.

“No Nhlakanipho!” I pulled my hands from him. “I just

want to know if you ever wanted to fuck your so-called
best friend!” I snapped and his eyes widened.

“Okay, first off, am I not allowed to have a friend or will

you assume I’ve fucked them or wanted to? Did you think
that way about Lunga and KG?”

I stood, feeling my body heating, “You are being

deliberately obtuse.”

“Oh, now you are insulting me.”

“I’m late for church.” I said instead.

“I’m coming with, your father invited me, remember?” He

made his way to the bathroom.

“You don’t have to come!” He banged the door closed.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself. I hated the
insecurities that creeped in whenever I thought of Aza. I
don’t know why I felt threatened by her. It would explain
why I didn’t ask about her or avoided any mention of her
until just now. It isn’t something I could put my finger on.
But the ease between the two, touched on a nerve and the
fact that Aza is stunning didn’t help matters. How did a
fine man like Nhlakanipho not notice a beautiful and if her
overseas scholarship was an indication, smart? I didn’t
notice Ntando until I walked into the kitchen. He was
dressed semi-formal, sitting in the highchair having his
cereal.

“Good morning, Ntando.”

“Morning.” He mumbled with a mouth full.

“Are you going somewhere?” He was silent for a while and
when I thought he wouldn’t respond, he spoke.

“Your dad invited me to church.”

“Oh, that’s great. Your uncle is also going.” He only

glanced at me, uninterested. I made myself a cup of coffee
and toast and moved to the living room. Nhlakanipho
walked in just as I finished eating, dressed in a form fitting
navy blue suit and white shirt. My earlier annoyance went
out the window. In the past months his wardrobe had
significantly improved. It helped that we were on a decent
salary compared to other recent graduates in different
fields. I think if he didn’t have Ntando to look after he
would’ve probably bought himself a car too. Nhlakanipho
came and crouched before me.

“Hey,” he took my hand. “I love you. Only you. I have no

interest in Aza, not that way. I love her as my best friend
and I hope once you get to know her, you’ll love her just as
much.” Loving her was a bit of a stretch but my heart
ballooned. I placed my hand on his clean-shaven jaw, if he
didn’t shave every two days he would have a serious beard.

“I’m sorry about the accusation.” He smiled as he leaned

forward kissing me.
“Are we going or not!” Ntando startled us both. I’d
forgotten the boy was around.

“I need coffee first.” Nhlakanipho stood and headed for

the kitchen as Ntando sat on the couch switching on the
TV.

My parents were standing outside with other parishioners

when we arrived. Ntando’s face lit up as my father
approached us. I didn’t spend much time around the two
so it was a bit surprising to see the reaction. I wanted to
scream to the boy that he was my daddy. He couldn’t be
bitchy with me but turn around and be nice for my dad. I
hated the petty voice.
“Asisakwazi Nontombi.” My father remarked as he pulled
me in for a hug.

“Daddy, I’ve only been gone for two days.”

“Two days too many.” He kissed my cheek then he was

walking away with Ntando.
“He seems better.” My mother gestured towards the two
as we watched their retreating backs.

“Yes, mama, whatever it is you and u Baba are doing it’s

helping.” Nhla responded.

“He is great with kids. That’s why I always felt guilty for
not being able to give him more.” My mother added as she
walked away.

“Maybe, you should give them lots of grandkids instead.”

Nhla locked my arm with his as I shook my head.

“They have a long way to wait then.” He glanced at me but

didn’t say anything. The service was short yet fulfilling. My
parents invited the three of us for lunch and that meant the
end of my weekend with Nhlakanipho. I couldn’t really
return to his place with him at 6 pm not with the way my
parents were side eying me.

“Did you place your order of Strumlet yet? Yes, I am

asking you! What are you waiting for? Contact the
author. Okay, now carry on”
Nhlakanipho and I grew in our relationship. As weeks and
then months passed, it became an unspoken rule that I
spend weekends with him. We partied together with his
friends on the last Friday of every month as we got paid at
the same time. Then we did the adventure things he liked
doing. Sometimes, I would tease him of being white on the
inside with how much he like adrenalin inducing sports.
Sometimes I just went with him to become a spectator and
cheerleader because I couldn’t keep up. We hiked almost
every Saturday morning we weren’t hung over and I
enjoyed that. I didn’t like river rafting he liked doing with
some work friends that he’d made, and the mountain
scaling or the zip lining or quad biking. So those days, I
spent them with my mom or both parents. I didn’t see
them as much as I did before when I was studying. My
time was now split between, work, relationship and
shamefully my parents got the least amount.

“I am not returning to that school!” Ntando’s angry voice

assaulted my senses as I let myself inside their house.
Nhlakanipho had given me the key a while back. They
were facing off in the kitchen and Nhlakanipho had a piece
of paper in hand which I assumed was Ntando’s report
since it was the last day of the term.

“Where do you suggest you go?” Nhlakanipho

demonstrated patience I knew he didn’t feel. Ntando’s
behaviour had improved in recent months but the
damaged had already been done for the academic year. At
least he’d stopped drinking and going out all hours of the
night. He wasn’t as short tempered with Nhlakanipho as
he had been in the beginning. He also religiously spent his
Saturdays with my father at his home office and Sundays at
church. Was he often moody and kept to himself?
Definitely yes, especially with me around, it didn’t offend
me anymore.

“Queenstown.” Ntando dropped his eyes to the floor.

“What?”

“There is a great school there uncle, and it’s a boarding

school. Good academic programmes and has a great rugby
team.” Ntando spoke so fast I thought my head would
spin as I pretended not listen to their conversation. I
dropped my bags in the lounge and already my neat freak
boyfriend’s eye was on them for a split second before his
attention returned to Ntando.

“You are joking, right?”

“I did my research, and Baba Douglas said he knew the

dean and he’d speak to him.”
“So let me get this straight. You discussed this with
Zukiswa’s father instead of me.” I was offended on
Nhlakanipho’s behalf.

“I’d mentioned it in passing uncle, I didn’t even think

much of it at the time until later when I did my research.”
He shrugged. “It’s something I always wanted. Mom
couldn’t afford it, so I never entertained it.”

“There are many things you seemed to have missed in your

research.” Nhlakanipho pinched his nose. “One, it’s a
private school. How the hell am I going to afford that?
Secondly, schools like that are applied to years in advance
and finally, they don’t take people with such poor results.”
He waved the report.

“I would repeat Grade 9 and we could apply for funding.

Baba Douglas promised he’d get me in if you agree.” My
dad knew a lot of people, mostly in prestigious positions. I
didn’t doubt his influence over the dean but it was still a
stretch. Nhlakanipho regarded Ntando with a frown for a
long while until I was even squirming on the couch.
“Tell, you what. If you can get in and promise to kick ass.
I’ll fund you.” How the hell was he going to afford that?
None of my business.

“Really!’ The boy squalled.

“Yes.”

“Oh uncle,” I turned in time to see him jump in his uncle’s

arms. “I won’t let you down I promise.” He let go of his
uncle with a wide grin on his face and ran for his room.

“Hey you.” Nhlakanipho gave me a quick kiss as he joined

me on the couch.

“Hey,” I linked our hands together. “Did you just agree to

that because you think he won’t get in. I must tell you, with
daddy it’s possible.”

He sighed, “I know. I’ll make a plan.” He squeezed my

hand. “He seems to really want this and I can’t let him
down. Lynette would’ve moved heaven earth for me, and
for him for that matter.” I nodded and snuggled in. “There
is something I have to tell you.”
“What is it?”

“Aza is coming to spend Christmas with us.” I sat up and

looked at him.

“When you mean us, you mean here with you.”

“She doesn’t have anywhere else to go and she really wants

to visit.”

“I’m sure there are good hotels she can stay at.” Or her
home with her bloody family!

“Zee?”

“I’m kidding.” I laughed, an empty laugh. There wasn’t

much I could do. This wasn’t my house and I was as much
of a guest as Aza was if not more.

“Great, we will prepare the 3rd bedroom. It’s a good thing I

hadn’t converted to an office yet.” He settled me against
his chest. “Do you think we should get new linen for that
room? Maybe paint it. At the moment it looks so dull.” He
rambled on his excitement tangible. And in my head, I was
asking questions, was it appropriate for a male friend to be
this excited over a female friend? Was I behaving this way
because I didn’t have experience with best friends? Except
for Thandi I didn’t make friends easily and Thandi didn’t
count she was more of a little sister than anything else. I
hated the way I felt. I wanted to see Aza as a friend not a
threat. What I hated more was the fact Nhlakanipho never
gave me any reason to doubt his love. We were solid
together. But still, I couldn’t help but worry and I’d rather
burn my eye sockets than address those worries. No one
liked an insecure person.

Two Sides 4

“Do you have plans for the evening?” My manager asked

as we packed up the office. “It’s the last day, any partying
somewhere that I’m not invited to?”

“If you are not invited that means you are not wanted; why
would you want to go?” I teased him.

“Does this mean there is a party and you also don’t want
me to be a part of it?” He picked up his laptop bag and
stalked towards me. I’d just moved to Mondli’s department
as my responsibility grew. The move put me further away
from Nhlakanipho. I’d been working under Mondli’s
supervision for just under a month. He wanted and
expected the best from his team and during work, he was
forever in boss mode. But I’d seen a chilled side of him.
Just a little. He didn’t hang out with staff members hence
he didn’t get invited a lot. I wasn’t lying when I said there
was a party but I also didn’t know where it was. I was
invited but I turned it down. I hadn’t seen Nhlakanipho
for almost three weekends in a row. I missed him to bits
and the calls weren’t enough. When he called me earlier
that day to invite me for a movie and dinner I was chuffed.
If it were up to me, I’d skip all of that and go straight for
the bedroom. “Oh wow, you really don’t want me to go?”
I blinked and looked up. Mondli was suddenly too close,
so I took a step back.

“Well, you can’t expect your subordinates to party with

you. You scare them.” I packed up my files I’d be taking
home. I had reports to prepare over the holidays. Mondli
crossed his arms and legs, while leaning on my desk.

“But you don’t.”

“I know you are harmless.” His eyes widened.

“Harmless.” He chuckled. “I’ve never been called that
before.” He moved closer and he was crowding my
personal space. He wasn’t much taller than me but bulkier.
And he smelled divine. “Maybe, I should take you out,
dinner, drinks and the show you I can actually bite.” Whoa.
When did we get here? I side stepped him clearing my
throat.

“Mondli, what are you doing?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Asking you out?” I moved

further away and he remained rooted on the same spot.

“Mmh, you are my boss.”

“I know, there is no policy against that. We are two

consenting adults.”

“Well, I’m, I’m seeing someone.” I stuttered.

“Oh, you are still seeing la bari yom’Zulu.”

“Yes.”
His shoulders sagged. “Well, he doesn’t deserve you.” I
frowned. “Enjoy the holidays.” He left leaving me
watching the empty spot he just vacated. I shook my head
and grabbed my stuff. Everyone on the floor had left
already, some hadn’t returned from their different projects.
My phone rang just as I pulled out of the parking lot. The
Bluetooth speaker immediately picked up. I really needed
to get my own car. Even though my parents didn’t mind I
still felt like I was overdoing the dependency but my
savings account wasn’t complaining. I sometimes felt bad
that I had zero responsibilities while Nhlakanipho had tons
but he seemed to be managing and he didn’t ask me for
any help.
“Baby,’ I couldn’t help the smile as his deep voice came
through.
“Hey baby, are you done at work, should I drive by and
pick you up?”
“No, no. There is a situation here.” He sighed. “One of the
workers had scaffolding collapsing on him.”

“Oh my God, Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. The ambulance is here and paramedics are

attending to him. We are waiting for the cops to come and
then I’ll have to do a report myself. I hate to cancel on you
last minute.”
“Totally understandably baby. Do you want me to cook
instead?”

“That will be nice, I’ll see you later. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up. What a shitty thing to happen,

unfortunately it was part of the job even though safety
measures were taken.
Ntando was sitting in front of the Tv when I arrived at
their house. Because it had been such a long day, I first
went for a shower before preparing dinner.

“I’m about to make dinner,” I pulled out some mince in

the fridge and looked over my shoulder at Ntando who
hadn’t responded. “What do you feel like eating?” He
shrugged. Spaghetti it is then. I prepared everything as the
silence stretched. Needing something else to do I opened a
bottle of wine and poured myself a glass. I wasn’t going to
lock myself in the room so as to escape Ntando, hell no.
Frankly I was done tiptoeing around him. I went and sat in
the lounge with him. “Dinner will be ready in a few
minutes.” I was on my second glass of wine when I went
to dish up for both of us and put Nhla’s plate in the oven.
“Thank you.” Ntando finally spoke as I gave him his plate.
The wine was doing a number on me and I was feeling
mellow and wanted to have a conversation with someone.
Nhlakanipho’s phone went unanswered.

“Did your uncle tell you he had an incident at work?” The

boy almost dropped his plate as he sat up to face me. “He
is fine, it wasn’t him.” I quickly reassured. He sighed and
sat back.

“You could’ve led with that.”

“You know what screw you! I don’t have to deal with

this.” I placed the plate on the table , grabbed my bottle
and glass and went to my room before I did or said
something I’d regret. I watched a movie on my laptop and
finished the entire bottle and still there was no sign of
Nhlakanipho. It was after 10 pm when my wine induced
brain lost the war with sleep.
A thump and a curse woke me from a deep slumber. When
my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see a shadow
undressing.
“Nhla?”
“Yes, baby it’s me, go back to sleep.” His words were
slurred, and I immediately got pissed. I pressed the switch
on the side lamp and the room was flooded with light.

Oh crap.” He tried to block his eyes from the light but he

had his pants around his knees and his t-shirt almost over
his head. With his precarious position, he didn’t stand a
chance and dropped flat on his face on the bed. “I’m
good.” He mumbled.

“You are good?” I checked the time. “It’s after 12

midnight!” he mumbled something while wrestling with his
t-shirt. He finally managed to pull it off, then he was taking
off his pants which got stuck in his shoes. “Nhlakanipho?”

“Ungarasi baby.”

“Don’t baby me, Nhlakanipho, where have you been?”

“At some Afrikaner bar with Daniel and them, then Lunga
and KG came to join us.” Daniel was one of his co-
workers. “All unplanned, baby.”
“And you couldn’t call me to tell me this?” I was standing
by the bed, in my panties and hands on my waist while
Nhlakanipho finally managed to rid himself of all his
clothes except his boxer shorts.

“Well, I tried to call but it wouldn’t go through. There

were network problems or something but I sent you a
message.”

“You are lying Nhlakanipho!’

“Why are you shouting?” he held his head. “Come sit

baby.” He patted the space next to him. “I’m not lying,
why would I lie?” the dark voice whispered, said he was
lying like all men do. I heard stories from Thandi and my
co-workers of how their boyfriends tuned them stories. I
wasn’t going to be one of those gullible women that fell for
the lies.

“I do not want to sit. You reek of alcohol.”

He hiccupped, “Yeah, we had tequila shots. My head is
spinning. I think I’m going….” He didn’t finish as he
lunged over the side of the bed, reaching for the trash can.
He made it just in time before he was retching the contents
of his stomach.
“I can’t watch this.” I muttered. I had never seen
Nhlakanipho get this drunk. He didn’t drink much when
we went out. So, this was very off putting. The room
reeked of the pungent smell of vomit. I wasn’t going to
help him clean shit up, he could ask which ever hoes he
was partying with. I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and left
him hugging the trash can.

I couldn’t sleep. I tried to but sleep wouldn’t come. I had

scenarios in my head. One thing I didn’t want was to be
made a fool. Why are you worried Zuki? The small voice
was persistent but I brushed it aside. We worked for the
same company, I didn’t want to be the laughingstock at
work. Eventually after a while of sleep eluding me, I threw
the blanket off and padded to the bedroom. The light
filtered at the bottom of the door in Ntando’s room and
judging by the sound that came from there, he was busy
with his games. I hesitantly pushed the door opened in our
room, not sure what I’d find. The room still reeked but not
as bad as it did earlier. The light was still on and
Nhlakanipho, lay sprawled face down with no covers. I
took a second to admire his tall lean and toned body. His
good shape didn’t come from gym but from work and all
his adventure activities. My gaze flicked to the side of the
bed and I breathed a sigh of relief to see the small bin
clean and emptied out of its contents. A cool breeze
caressed my bare arm and I turned to see the curtain
moving. Nhla must have opened the window to air out the
room. He was slightly snoring oblivious to my presence in
the room. As I picked his scattered clothes from the floor,
I kicked something solid. His phone. My heart began
accelerating as I picked it up. Don’t do it Zukiswa. The
voice whispered. What if he is hiding something? Isn’t
better to know now. This is an invasion of privacy. But
what if all my fears are confirmed in this little device? Let
me check then put them to rest. I stood for a while,
arguing with myself. My hand shook as the device sat like
lead in my palm. He hasn’t given you any reason not to
trust him. I sighed. Placed the phone on the pedestal. I am
not this person. I reassured. A message pinged just as I
placed the phone on the night stand and the name next to
the little mailbox had me reaching for it. Aza. I grabbed
the phone and made my way to the lounge, heart in my
throat. Fuck it, why would she be messaging at this time. I
sat in the dark, and with a shaky finger opened the
message.

|you are probably sleeping. They are back. It’s bad. But
I’m okay. Nothing you can do over there| my heart
hammered as I scrolled down.
|have you done it yet. Don’t be a coward, mate. Do it.
Lol| his response. |all in good time|
Her response |there will never be a good time| his
response |I don’t know man, what if I’m wrong? |
|trust your heart, what does it say? | his response |let me
call you|
Why did he need to call? What was he supposed to do? I
went back to the texts.
|there is always London, it’s cold and wet but it’s fun|
why? Does he want to relocate? Join her? Oh my God
maybe that’s why Ntando is going to a boarding school. I
scroll down as far back as two years, nothing incriminating
except the way they address each other, babe, mate even so
it left me unsettled. I went out of the chat. There were no
other female friends, except a few of his colleagues. I
checked the men too, you never know. He could’ve saved
them under different names. When I looked up, light
filtered through the window as the dawn set in. I’d been
snooping for hours. I closed the message chat feeling sick
and went to put the phone back in his room. Ntando’s
door opened as I was about to walk pass. A good thing I’d
worn Nhlakanipho’s t-shirt otherwise I’d be giving the boy
an eyeful. He looked at my hand, saw the phone and I
thought maybe a hint of disappointment passed through
his eyes. He mumbled his morning greeting and carried on
to the bathroom. Nhlakanipho was still snoring but he was
under a blanket. I placed his phone on the nightstand and
returned to the lounge. What was becoming of me? The
sick feeling in my stomach remained until Nhlakanipho
shuffled through to the lounge with a frown marring his
forehead. He looked at the makeshift bed and then at me. I
saw his chest expand as he inhaled. He sat opposite me, in
his boxer shorts and a t-shirt.
“You slept out here.” I nodded. His voice was groggy and
his eyes bloodshot. “Shit I’m sorry. Last night was a mess.”

“You could’ve called!” He ran his hands over his face.

“I tried, but I admit I could’ve tried harder. But once the

shots started time got away with me.” His pleading eyes
looked back at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Nhlakanipho, I will not come to your house for you to go

to party and leave me warming your bed.” I warned.

“It was a once off baby, it won’t happen again.”

“Why does Aza always contact you at night or early hours

of the morning.” He blinked as if trying to process the
change of subject.

“I guess because we’ve always done it.” His tone was

hesitant.

“I don’t like it. There should be boundaries Nhlakanipho.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to her about it.” I got up grabbed my pillow
and blanket and headed for the room. The breeze from the
window was flowing through, the bed was made and
nothing was out of place, the stink from the previous night
gone. I folded the blanket eyeing the phone still where I
left it. I sighed and reached for mine. The was a message
notification from Nhlakanipho.

|Baby, the boys and I decided to blow off some steam

after the kak day we had. I tried calling your phone isn’t
going through. I’m already drunk but KG has just ordered
shots. I don’t know if I’ll survive this. LoL. I love you| So
he did contact me. Tears prickled my eyes as I sagged onto
the bed. I buried my head in my hands and allowed them
to fall.

“Zee, what’s wrong?” Solid arms pulled me in their

warmth.

“I’m sorry.” My words were muffled by his chest.

“It’s okay, but baby we have to talk.” I shook my head. He

pulled back peering at me. I was so ashamed to look at him
in the eye. “Yes, we do.” He wiped my tears with the inside
of his shirt.
“Your breath stinks.” I gave him a wobbly smile. He
covered his face.

“I know; my head is killing me. I’m never drinking again.”

“Famous words of every drunk.” He lost his smile.

“I am not a drunk Zuki.” He softly responded.

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Why was he making it a big

deal? “Have you had coffee?” he shook his head and
winced. “Okay, I’ll go make you some.”

“Zee, wait.” He held my arm down. “Why did you think I

lied?”

I closed my eyes, I really didn’t want to dredge up my

shameful behaviour. “It’s not something you did but a
feeling.”
“You don’t trust me.” He lowered his eyes hiding the hurt
I briefly saw in them.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just…” I drew a blank.
“I love you.”

“Do you?” I felt my head about to explode. How could he

question that? “You see the way you feel just now; is how I
feel. Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?” I
sighed.

“I’m new at this relationship thing and I know I’m being

irrational at times. But look at you.” I waved my hand at
him “You are smart and gorgeous and probably lots of
women want you.” He grabbed my hand and moved me
closer.

“I don’t want them.” He gave me a fierce look. “I want

you, only you. Always. And I could say the same for you,
you are beautiful and smart and funny. I’d be crazy to mess
that up. Don’t you think I question my luck with you? But
I trust in us and our love.”

“I will. I promise.” He nodded. I cupped his face, leaning

forward, I planted lips against his, teasing them open with
my tongue, alcohol breath and all. The kiss became heated
as he pushed me back on the bed while taking my shirt off.
I fumbled with his. “I want you Nhla.” I moaned against
his lips as he pulled off my panties.

“I want you too,” he growled. He reached for the drawer

on the nightstand as I freed his member from his boxer
shorts. His slit leaked with precum and I swiped it over his
mushroom head, using it as lubricant as I stroked him. He
gave a painful groan. “Baby, it’s been so long, I won’t last
if you do that.” I grabbed the condom from him and tore
it off with the corner of my teeth as his hand swiped at my
wet folds. I rolled it down on him with shaky hands. Then
our bodies came together with lips colliding and tongues
duelling. Our need urgent. I opened my legs and allowed
him deeper. His strokes became urgent and
uncharacteristic clumsy while I clung to him, chasing my
release. He pulled back and looked in my eyes as he slowed
his rhythm. “It’s you always, baby. You have me.”

“You promise?” my voice cracked.

“With all that I have.” My heart stalled at that. His eyes

communicated his sincerity and his body sealed the deal as
he led me to the promise land. It was unexpected, my back
bowing off the bed and my toes curling. It went on for a
while as he snapped his hips chasing his orgasm. When we
finally collapsed on the bed, our bodies clammy with sweat
and our hearts mirroring each other, a sense of peace
overcame me. I was home.

Two Sides 5
“What has you home so early?” My mother asked while
she placed a plate of steaming pancakes on the dining
room table. “I thought we would see you later at church.”

“Does she even stay here?” My father asked fixing his tie
as he walked in. Both my parents were ready for church
and were about to have their breakfast when I arrived.

“I missed you guys and wanted to spend some alone time

before church.” They looked at each other. “What?” I
popped a blueberry in my mouth.

“Where are Nhlakanipho and Ntando? “My mother asked.

I busied myself dishing up the pancakes and the fruits. I
loved her Sunday breakfast for the pancakes.

“They are fetching his friend, Aza from the airport.”

“Oh, I remember her, lovely young lady.” My mother sat

next to my father and I sat opposite them. I suddenly felt
alone without Nhla by my side. “Is she visiting family?”
“No, Nhlakanipho.” I snapped. Both my parents looked
up. “They are good friends.” I tried to smile and it felt like
I bit on a lemon slice.

“Then you can invite her for Christmas lunch.” My mother

suggested.

“I’ll check and see what their plans are.” My parents shared
a look but the conversation moved to other things.

“Is Thandiwe not back yet?” I asked my mother as we

rinsed the dishes.

“She went on holiday with friends this year, so her mother

will be seeing her in January.”

“That’s nice, I’d never done anything like that.” My

Christmas were always spent with my parents and I didn’t
see it any other way.

“You should try it. Make friends outside of Nhlakanipho.”

She gave me a cautious look. “Do things on your own
sometimes.”
“Mommy, I have friends but I like doing things with Nhla
and he likes it too.” I fidgeted with a dish cloth under her
penetrating stare.

“He likes it because you do things he likes, what about

what makes you happy.”

“I am happy mommy.” My mother sighed, dropped the

dishcloth and held my hands her frown deepening.

“Baby, you don’t have friends outside this relationship.”

“I have Thandi.” I pulled my hand but she tightened her

grip.

“Thandi is younger than you, with her own friends.”

“I have other friends.” She raised her brow. “At work

mama and from uni.” I didn’t want to tell her that we
didn’t really socialise together but she didn’t need to know
that. She let go of my hand.
“All I’m saying is that a healthy relationship requires
freedom.” It was my turn to frown. “Come sit down.” We
sat on the highchairs by the kitchen counter. “Neli and I
have been friends since college. We did things together,
dates, trips and anything that required each of us to
replenish our souls. I’m not saying you can’t do this with
your man but it’s always important to establish yourself
outside him.”

“I hear you mama.”

“Nhlakanipho has his friends, allow him that freedom too

because if you don’t, he’ll feel suffocated. No one wants to
feel suffocated.” An uneasy feeling creeped under my skin.

“Did he tell you something?” my mother frowned.

“No, I don’t talk about such things with him. We love him
and welcome him because we love you.”

“Okay mommy, I hear you.” I understood what she was

saying but the effort to make friends and keep them
seemed a daunting tasks. And I’d been around friends and
the backtalk and backstabbing wasn’t something I really
wanted to invite in my life.
Church was weird without Nhlakanipho and felt longer
than usual. After church I returned home with my parents
to have lunch. I felt guilty every time seeing them because
of how little time I spent with them lately and I vowed to
do more. During lunch my mind kept wondering to
Nhlakanipho and his guest. A part of me wondered how
they were doing. There wasn’t much communication only a
text to tell me they were back from the airport. I wanted to
stop thinking about them but my mind betrayed me.
Eventually early evening I gave up and grabbed my stuff
and headed for Nhlakanipho’s place. I mean he’d invited
me to visit anytime I wanted. He didn’t give me exceptions
for when Aza was around. I used my key and opened. My
eyes immediately went to the couch where Nhla sat with
Aza. They both sat facing each other, their backs on either
side of the armchair. Feet on the sofa and Ntando sat on
the floor before them. They were all laughing at something
and I immediately felt like an intruder. The laughter died as
they noticed my presence.

“Oh, hey babe.” Nhla got off the couch. In sweatpants and
t-shirt.” He walked towards me smiling while my stomach
churned with unnamed emotion. He came closer cupped
my face and softly kissed me. I tried to return the kiss but
my lips felt cold. “Are you okay?” he peered at me
frowning.
“Yes. I am.” Another lemon smile stretched at my lips. His
frown deepened.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I had a long day with my parents.”

“How are they?” He rubbed his hands over my arms.

“They are great, they sent their greetings.”

“Hello Zuki.” The husky, honeyed voice came from

behind Nhla and my body tensed. I stepped out of
Nhlakanipho’s arms and went around him.

“Hey Aza.” Her afro was a hallo around her perfect face
with no blemish in sight, pert nose, perfectly proportioned
teeth and a compact body. Aza was probably every man’s
wet dream. “How was your flight?”

“It was long.” She gave an exaggerated shiver. “I hate

flying.” I looked at her trying to come up with something
to say.
“Have you eaten? We already had dinner.” Nhla asked me,
his hand on my back.

“Yes, you know my mom cooks for a village.”

“Did you bring anything?” my brain short circuited at

Ntando’s question. I slowly blinked and shook my head.

“No, but there is plenty when you visit tomorrow.”

Ntando worked with my father during the week and
earned income.

“Cool.” He nodded and went back to his phone. The three

of us stood around each other and the silence stretched
becoming awkward.

“I’ll put my bags in the room.”

“I’ll help.” Nhla went for my bag.

“No, no. I’m okay, stay with your friend.” I quickly
grabbed the handle of my bag and dragged it to our
bedroom. I didn’t ask if Nhlakanipho had prepared the
spare room. He used it as an office but there was a double
bed in there for visitors. Once in the bedroom, I stripped
and went to shower. After the shower I sat under the
covers with a book. I wasn’t going out there. I needed to
reassess my feelings over this woman who clearly was part
of our lives. Part of me, admired her, her beauty and her
brains and another part of me hated her for those things. I
also hated the affection Nhlakanipho and Ntando have for
the woman. They seemed like family and I was just the
outsider who could be replaced anytime. So, I read my
book, repeating pages until I gave up and put it on the
nightstand. The occasional laughter that filtered through
the closed door gave me an ulcer until sleep claimed me. I
was in deep slumber when I felt a poking in my vagina. As
sleep cleared, I realised I was already wet. Nhla had a solid
grip around my waist and his breathing harsh against my
ear. He ran the head of his penis at my entrance making
me flutter. At the same time, I was pissed. Who made him
this hard? Why was he sneaking up on me as I slept, was
he pretending it was her instead of me? I pushed my elbow
back and the impact on his rib had him groaning and
slipping out of me.

“What the hell Zee?”

“What the hell Nhla? I’m sleeping, you can’t just do that
while I sleep. It’s rapey.” I felt him freeze and he
immediately went soft. Then he shifted and put some
distance between us. “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t the first time
we’d done this; I also woke him up when I was horny too.

“No, eh,” he pulled the covers off and got up. Then the
light came on blinding me for a second. “Don’t be.” He
muttered and ran for the bathroom I heard retching and
when I went to check, the door was locked. The retching
went on for a while then the shower started running. It was
a while before Nhlakanipho came out a towel wrapped
around his lower body. He changed to boxer shorts and a
t-shirt.

“Are you okay?” He nodded. “That was uncalled for Nhla,

I am sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“We’ve always done it, I never complained.”

“Let’s sleep.” He crawled under the covers and slept on his

back. His body was wound so tight and I felt the invisible
wall between us. I lay next to him, with my heart
hammering and nothing but the sounds of our shallow
breathing.

A sound of pots falling jarred me from my sleep. I

stretched my arm and the space next to me was cold and
empty. There were voices chattering from the other side of
the closed bedroom door. I went to the bathroom to
relieve myself then made my way to the kitchen. Aza stood
by the stove in the shortest pyjama shorts known to men
with a slouchy tank top. Nhla was still in his boxer shorts
and t-shirt as he made toast.

“Good morning.” I mumbled and they both looked up.

Aza smiled and greeted back while Nhla gave me a tired
smile.

“Babes, please take over. I need to go for a run.” Nhla

looked at me expectantly. I nodded and watched him leave
the kitchen. I continued to man the toast while Aza made
eggs and grilled things. We worked in silence until
Nhlakanipho left for his run.

“Do you think you are dressed appropriately around

Nhlakanipho and Ntando?” I asked and Aza burst out
laughing and then when I didn’t laugh, she sobered and
frowned at me.
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” she looked
baffled.

“It’s too revealing.”

“I always dress however I wasn’t around them and they’d

never said anything. If they were uncomfortable, they
would’ve said. That’s the kind of relationship we have.”
My heart began thudding hard and my armpits itched,

“It’s inappropriate Aza, Ntando is an impressionable

young man and I think you are disrespecting me by
dressing like that.”

“Whoa. Lady. How did my dress code become about

you?” she folded her arms tilting her head to the side.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you are doing you bitch!”
Her eyes widened. “I can see through the innocent act.
You want him!”
“Wow. You need to check your insecurities, sis. They are
not pretty.” She turned to leave. I grabbed her arm to stop
her, she slipped and failed to grabbed on to the table for
balance, landing clumsily on the floor.

“What the hell!” Nhlakanipho roared from the door and

then he ran to help Aza up. “Zukiswa, what the hell?” I
stood shaking. I didn’t mean to touch her even, it’s like my
hand had a mind of its own.

“I don’t want her here?” I spat. “She needs to go.”

“Why?” Nhlakanipho looked stricken.

“Because she is a bitch that acts right only around you!”

Aza began sniffing. I wanted to claw her eyes out. “You
see how manipulative she is? I didn’t touch her. She
slipped and fell now she wants to act like I mauled her!”

“That’s not what I saw babe.” My hard gaze flittered to the

traitor.

“Oh, so you are taking her side!’

“Baby, it’s not like that. Can we sit down and talk about
this?” My chest heaved and my ears rang. My ears itched to
and it took me a lot to control the bursting emotion.
“Besides where is Aza going to go. I invited her!”

“You invited her without talking to me! I don’t care where

she goes. Her family!” I waved my hands. “It’s Christmas,
shouldn’t she be with her family?” the room went eerily
silent. “You know what. I know when I’m not wanted. I’ll
go and trust me Nhlakanipho. You will not see me again!”
I made to move but Nhla held my arm.

“Wait. Let me catch a breath for a fucking second!” He

breathed.

“No, I’ll go.” Aza said in the smallest of voices. I wanted

to roll my eyes. Only when Nhlakanipho held her by the
shoulders I wanted to kill.

“No. You are not going.”

“Then I guess it’s me who leaves.” I walked out the

kitchen.
“Wait, wait. Fuck Zee, can we talk about this.” He pleaded.
Aza left the kitchen

“There is nothing to talk about, you’ve made your choice.”

He put hands on his head, his frustration clear.

“There is no choice to make Zukiswa. I love you damnit,

why won’t you understand that?”

“And yet you come to me in the middle of the night hard

for her!” his eyes widened.

“Is that what you think last night was?” he whispered.

“I don’t know Nhlakanipho. Why don’t you tell me?” Aza

walked out dragging her suitcase. She’d changed to
sweatpants and sneakers.

“God, Aza, wait.” She shook her head.

“My taxi is waiting Nhlaka. Don’t stress.” She tried to
smile and walked off.

“Wait!” Nhlakanipho ran after her and pulled her in his

arms. They clung to each other and I watched my heart
cracking a little. When Nhlakanipho let go, he had tears in
his eyes. He turned to look at me and my heart lurched.
“Aza is not leaving Zukiswa. I invited her. I don’t know
how much assurance I need to give you but I’m done. I
can’t do this with you.” His eyes seared my soul and I
flinched at the hurt I saw in them. “If you loved me the
way I loved you, you wouldn’t ask me to choose between
you two.” I couldn’t breathe. My chest heaved and tears
stung my eyes and my body vibrated with unleashed rage.
Aza went on her tip toes and kissed Nhla on his cheek.

“I can’t stay.” She whispered. Then she turned around and

left. Nhla didn’t look at her. He watched me until the door
softly closed with a thud. He momentarily closed his eyes
and walked passed me. Smoke came from the oven and I
ran to switch it off and took out the charred sausages. I
opened the window to air out the smoke. Nhlakanipho
returned, dressed to go. He grabbed his wallet and house
keys and walked out without a word.
Two Sides 6

I watch as this new little girl in our class, sits alone at a

small table in our preschool cafeteria. She is a weird one.
She doesn’t talk to no one and doesn’t play with us on the
playground. She looks tiny too. Too tiny to be in the same
class as me. Her thick hair seems like a weighted burden on
her shoulder.

“Hey bityos.” Melody, the bully with her group sits nearby
and they begin poking fun at the new girl. No one says
anything as they throw skopas at her hair. It sticks to the
thick afro making her look like a clown. Everyone in the
cafeteria cackles. They laugh and point at the funny hair.
The tiny girl eats her food as if people around her aren’t
going crazy. She takes measured bites of her toasted
sandwich and then a sip from her juice bottle. When
Melody realises, she is being ignored, she gets up and
stomps towards the girl. I watch in horror as she smacks
the bottle off her hands splashing the girls face with its
contents. I push the chair off, the scraping sound echoing
in the silence that follows. I don’t think as I rush towards
Melody, I push her hard with all my strength. She barely
moves, she is big boned with a lot of meat. It is in that
moment that one of the teachers walks in. Points at me in
anger and yells at me to follow, including Afro girl, who is
on her feet now glaring at Melody.

“Why is Melody not the one sitting here?” I ask as we sit in

front of the headmaster’s office waiting to be called in. The
girl ignores me as she stares into the wall. “Don’t worry my
dad will come.” He is a local policeman and it takes him
less time than it would my mom. Mom works in the city
and she seems to have a more important job than my dad.
She wears suits a lot. “Do you think they will call your
mom or dad?” I hate long silences; my sister says I’m an
annoying chatterbox.

“Mommy is dead.”

“Oh.” I was not expecting this. That is just so sad. No

wonder she looks sad. I’d be sad too if I lost mommy.
Heavy footsteps sound from down the passage, it isn’t just
my dad there is another man with him. Daddy crouches
before me while the other man sits by Afro. He is still
wearing his full uniform.
“Nhlakanipho, have you been misbehaving?” my dad
gentle asks and yet his serious tone gives me a little shiver
of fear. He never shouts or beat us but my sister and I, still
fear him more than we do mommy.

“No sir.” I shake my head.

“Your teachers tell me you were in a fight with a girl. What

happened?” I relate the story to him as calm as my
hammering heart would allow. “What did I say about
hitting girls?”

“I don’t think she is a girl that one daddy, she is huge and
mean. And she should be the one to see the headmaster.”
My dad sighs. He gets on his feet. The other man is
hugging Afro. I don’t know her name; I was sick with a
runny tummy when she arrived a few weeks ago. It is a
middle of the year, strange for someone to join class.

“Stay here.” We both watch our fathers head to the office.

There are a few skopas still stuck in her hair, so I start
plucking them off. She whips her head around smacking
my hand.
“I’m sorry, I was removing these.” I show her my hand.
Her nose is turned up as she glares at me.

“You never touch a lady’s hair!” she says. “Mommy says I

should protect my crown, always.” I can see she is on the
verge of tears.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” I quickly apologise.

“Okay.” We are quiet for a moment.

“My name is Nhlakanipho, what’s yours?”

“Aza.”

“What is that short for?”

She smiles. “Azande. But mommy called me Aza. So, I like
Aza.” She argues as if I’ll disagree.
“I like it.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
“You are such a jerk.”
“And you are a wimp.” A momentary paused then we
break into giggles.
“Can I at least remove the skopas from your hair?”
“Sure,” she moves closer so I can easily remove the stuff.
“Did you think you could push the mammoth with your
strength?” We laugh again. “I’ll have your back if you
promise to have mine.”
“Pinkie swear?” I raise my pinkie finger.
“Pinkie swear?” We hook the fingers together and giggle.
The headmaster and our dad, find us that way lost in a fit
of giggle. I’m sad when we separate but I’m happy to have
made a friend. I don’t have many of those and being in the
house with a much older sister who thinks I’m annoying is
not cool. The next day we continue to sit together in class,
playground and even canteen. Melody tries to bug us but
the two of us, we face up to her together until eventually
she tires and moves on.
Aza stays a few houses away from mine and we make it a
routine to visit each other and play together. I meet her
stepmom, she calls her Maman, a sweet, beautiful lady that
always bakes chocolate chip cookies. We become
inseparable. As a result, we enrol in the same primary. Aza
is two years younger than me but she skipped a few
preschool classes because she was smatter than all the kids.
Even in our grade 1 she is the smartest in class and she get
bored easily. Because she is younger, and tiny, she gets
bullied a lot. Also, she has a smart mouth that often get her
in trouble. We realise that being together always, means
safety in number. We walk to and from school together, sit
together and play together. We become inseparable. I’m
annoyed when she skips grade 2 and go to grade 4, leaving
me behind but at least we are still inseparable.
When both my parents die in a car accident, she is the one
who holds my hand and tell me it gets easier in time while
my sister deals with her own grief. A year later, when my
sister is pregnant and we are forced out of our home
because we couldn’t pay for the house and insurances
didn’t pay, she is the one who reassures me that we will
still see each other. My sister and I move in with a great
aunt. It’s a bit far from Aza’s but manageable. With a taxi
it’s more manageable but we are kids we don’t have money
so we always take the long walk weekends to visit each
other. I visit her more often because I can always
sleepover, they have more space in their house.
Then another tragedy strikes months after my parents’
death, her father dies. It’s a heart attack, they say. Aza and
her stepmom are inconsolable for a while. But as she told
me, time heals. Even though we talk about our parents a
lot, we have comfort that I have my sister, and she has
Maman. My sister has given birth to the most cry baby
known to man, Ntando. Sometimes I have to take care of
him while my sister goes to work. Change his diaper and
feed him, it gets messy, I’m 9 years old I don’t know much
about babies. But I don’t mind, I kind of like him.
Aza skips another grade. She is now two grades ahead of
me, I’m proud of her though and she helps me with my
Maths. This means she gets to high school before I do and
it also means we don’t see each other as much as we did
when we were in primary but we still visit each other
weekends.

“Maman is getting married.” She tells me one night as we

sit outside her home watching cars and people pass by.

“So soon?”

“It’s been two years. She says she is lonely.”

“Does that mean you’ll have to move?”

“Nah, the guy is coming to live with us.” She shrugs. “My
granny wants me to stay with her.”
“Isn’t she old.”

“Duh! She is my granny.” She giggles. “But yes, she is,

besides there are too many kids at her house.”
“I hope you don’t go.”

“Me too.”

High school is a different ball game for both of us. I need

to work as hard as Aza does to secure a scholarship
because I can see our struggle at home. My great aunt has
passed on and Lynette has to provide for Ntando and I
and it’s not pretty. I can see her exhaustion every time she
returns from late nights shifts. She works at a supermarket
during the day and at a fast-food joint at night. I need to be
the man my dad wanted me to be and work to provide. I
also work weekends and that means I see less and less of
Aza. When I do see her, she is more subdued and
withdrawn than the last. No matter how many times I ask
what is wrong she never tells me.

It’s the day she comes to school with her head shaved that
I almost have a heart attack. Aza’s hair is like the holy grail,
a tribute to her mother. She never cuts it, ever. It had been
so long people who didn’t know her always though it was
fake.

“What the fuck happened?” I ask as I corner her into a

passage at school. It’s towards the end of the year, she is
writing grade 11 exams while I’m writing grade 9. Tears
well in her eyes and I push her towards a nearest
bathroom. If you can call the germ-infested hub a toiled.
By the time I close us in, she is crying out loud. Aza never
cries. She hates showing weakness to anyone. And I think
our parents’ deaths have hardened us in some ways. I pull
her to me and she bawls, clinging to me. “Talk to me,
babe.” She hates it when I call her that but I do it anyway.

“Its. Its. Him.” She stutters.

“Your stepfather?” she nods. I knew there was a reason I

never liked the smug bastard. At first, he curtailed our time
together, forbidding us from staying out until lights out. I
was no longer welcomed to spend time in their house as he
said it wasn’t appropriate. We couldn’t even hug in his
presence as he said as children of God, we should have
boundaries. He forced Aza and Maman to attend church.
The cherry on top was when he changed Aza’s wardrobe,
saying she should dress more appropriate for her age. A
loser of the highest losers in my opinion. “I’m going to kill
the bastard.” Aza cries on my shoulder for a while. We
ignore the incessant knocks at the door, the pungent smell
of urine and God knows what else. When we finally let go,
I wiped her face with the sleeve of my jersey.

“I’m going to leave Nhla.” I nod. She only has grade 12 to

do and she’ll be in university and any school would kill for
her. Aza doesn’t get anything less than distinctions and she
wants to be a psychologist. I keep telling her she could be
more but she says she understands trauma and wants to
help. She has dreams of running her own clinic one day.
“You don’t understand, I have been offered a scholarship
to go study in the UK, fees, accommodation and food paid
for.”

“UK, that far?” I panic. “You can get that anywhere in

SA!”

“It’s London Nhlaka, far from the crap that is my life and
a world of opportunity.” On some level I understand her
but it stings that our entire friendship is reduced to crap
life.

“Wow!” I pull back and she glares at me.

“This isn’t about you Nhlaka.”

“You are leaving, so it feels like you are leaving me to deal

with the crap life alone.”
She shrugs, “I have to do what’s best for me.”
“We promised to have each other’s back.” Life without her
friendship seems bleak.

“We were kids!” I look at her and shake my head then I

turn around and leave. It is later in the afternoon while
sitting with a 7-year-old Ntando watching cartoons, that I
realise I have been a shitty friend.

“Ntando, I’ll be back. Lock the door and only open for
your mom or me. Do you understand?” he nods eyes glued
to the tv. I change my flip-flops to my sneakers and grab a
jacket. The walk is still as long. It’s almost evening when I
reach Aza’s house. Defeat settles over me when I spot the
stepfather’s car parked outside their house. He works in
some private security company so he sometimes takes the
work cars home. The motor gate doesn’t work, and I brave
it and slide it open, slipping in. I knock once and wait and
no one responds. I turn the lock and it yields, I push the
door open and call out Aza with no response. The house is
dark but there are muffled sounds coming from the
passage. I head for Aza’s room and knock once then
pushing the door open. Rage, I feel at the sight that
welcomes me, is blinding. It has my ears roaring and my
tummy bottoming out to the floor. The man has Aza
pinned on the bed faced down, her panties on her ankles
and her dressed bunched around her waist. Her arms are
tightly held at an awkward angle, behind her back and his
hand is gagging her mouth. He doesn’t even see me come
in as he pistons in and out of her, ignoring her muffled
cries. I see red as I grab a vase on the dresser and smash it
on his head. Then I hit him blindly until he dislodges from
Aza. The man soon regains his bearings and he is beating
me to a pulp. I’d rather he kills me but I will die fighting.
Every bone, limb and skin on my body burns with pain.
Dizziness is circling but I can’t stop. Then suddenly as if
from a distance, a sound of a gunshot and then there
hitting stops, replaced by a heavy weight. I manage to open
one eye that can still see, Aza is still in the same position,
staring into space. I fear she might be dead. My gaze darts
to the door. Maman, stands with a gun in hand, still
pointed at us. She has a black eye and a bandage around
her wrist. I hear a sound of police sirens. We all seem to be
locked in place. The police walk in and pry the gun off her
fingers. I know these guys; they are friends of the asshole.
No one covers the exposed and violated Aza on the bed.
Maman is cuffed and shuffled away while someone
removes the body off me. I can’t get up to cover her, so I
watch her as she watches me with tears leaking in both our
eyes.

“What are you doing here Nhlaka?” Aza holds the door of
the guest house, barring me from entering. Her nose is red
and her eyes are puffy. A twinge of regret cut through my
abdomen. It’s her first visit since she left South Africa, I
don’t count her coming for Lynette’s funeral as a visit. She
can always comeback but she refuses. She is furthering her
studies instead and earning her hours.

“Can I come in.” She looks at me then sighs. She lets go of

the door and retreats to the room.

“Does Zuki know you are here?” I close the door behind
me. My eyes do a quick sweep around the room. It’s a
basic room like any low budget places. Her suitcase lays on
the floor unopened. The bed is still made but rumpled
where I assumed she’d been laying on. She sits cross legged
on the bed still in her sweatpants and hoodie she wore
earlier.

“No, she doesn’t.” I sit on the empty chair in the room. I

know she can’t afford to be here. She used her flights that
the scholarship allows her to take. Two return tickets for
the year. She’d forfeited the tickets the previous years.

“She doesn’t like me much, does she?”

“She needs to get to know you better.”

“Nhlaka, she needs reassurance from you that what we
have is nothing more than a friendship, lifelong
friendship.” I sigh. I don’t want to talk about Zuki, I want
Aza to come back. I didn’t invite her back to a place of
trauma to abandon her. To face her demons alone.

“Trust me, I have, babe. I don’t know how else to reassure

her.”

“Being here without her knowledge isn’t helping.”

“Aza, I don’t want to talk about my girlfriend right now.”

Frankly, I’m hurt about what she did. It’s like I don’t know
the person I’ve been dating these past months. Or have I
ignored the signs of her insecurities.

“Why are you here then?”

“To take you back.” Her eyes widen. “I promised you a

family Christmas and this dull hotel room isn’t it.”

“I’ll change my flight and fly back tomorrow.”

“You can’t afford that and I can’t afford that. Please Aza,
come back. I’ll talk to Zuki.”

“Why don’t you talk to Zuki first, then I’ll come back.”

“God, you are stubborn.” She smiles but it doesn’t reach

her eyes. I dial Zuki’s number and it rings several times
without an answer. “She isn’t answering.” Aza shrugs. “I’ll
go find her. Don’t unpack.” I warn as I get on my feet.

“You look like crap by the way.” She calls after me.

“Being in love sucks!” the sound of her laughter follows

me out the door. I take another Maxi taxi, back to my
place. If I didn’t have pending private school fees, I’d be
buying myself a car. The taxi shuffling is getting
exhausting.

“Zuki,” I call out as I enter the house. The is a faint smell

of smoke and my calls are met with silence. “Ntando.”

“Yes, Uncle.” Ntando comes out of his room.

“Have you seen Zuki?” he shrugs.

“I just woke up.” I head to my bedroom and I notice the

absence of Zuki’s toiletries on the dresser. She is gone. I
dial her number again and still no answer. I guess I have to
go to her parent’s house.
Two Sides 7

Zuki

I lay on my bed, in my room at home, with my head

covered with a pillow. I was trying to silence the voices in
my head. What are you doing Zuki? Do you think it is wise
to leave without speaking to him? Are we broken up? We
can’t be? I don’t want us to be! But he chose her. A soft
knock at my door interrupted the train wreck.

“May I come in baby?” my mother asked as she opened

the door. I didn’t need to say anything because I knew she
was coming in anyway. “What happened?” I felt her hand
on my leg. I flung the pillow to the side and sat up to face
her.

“Nhlakanipho left me for Aza.”

“What?” My mother frowned.

“We had a fight about her, it’s always about her and I
asked him to choose. He told me he couldn’t. She left and
he went after her.”

“Wait, I’m confused. I thought they were just friends.” She

slightly shook her head.

“They are! At least that’s what they say.” Mommy frowned

again.

“Zuki, what is a problem?” I sighed,

“I don’t know Mommy. My heart doesn’t seem to rest

where those two are concerned. I see them together, anger
and jealousy boils within me. The way he defends her
mommy? I think he is in love with her and you should’ve
seen the way she dressed this morning. It wasn’t
appropriate!” A tear streaked down my face. Mommy
pulled me in her arms.

“Hush, baby. You are home now, daddy and I will take
care of you.” I let the tears go then. I cried on my mother’s
shoulder and let out all the heavy emotions that had been
crushing me. Only when I was sniffing did she let go. “I’ll
go make a cup of tea, lie down and relax.” She kissed my
forehead and gently pushed me to my pillow. Maybe the
huge cry was all I needed as I found myself drifting off to
sleep. Another knock woke me up a while later.

“Nana, Nhlakanipho is here to see you.” Mama called out

from my door.

“I don’t want to see him.” She hesitated.

“Baby, talk to him.” I groaned. “An actual adult

conversation, that’s what happens in relationships. No one
is perfect. Even you.”

“I didn’t say I was perfect mommy.” I pouted. She

shrugged. “Fine, where is he?”

“In the lounge with your father. We will go to the shops,

do send me a message if they are no longer coming for
Christmas lunch or if I should add a guest.” She left me
frowning. I followed her out and found both my parents
on their way out. Nhlakanipho stood as I walked into the
lounge.
“Sit please.” I gestured to the couch and sat opposite him.

“I came home you were gone.” He said.

“You made your choice, I didn’t see a point in staying.” He

sighed.

“Must everything come down to a choice?” He looked at

me. “You and Aza play a different role in my life. You are
my woman; she is my best friend.”

“You are my best friend Nhlakanipho.” He watched me,

confusion marring his face. “It hurts that you have that we
someone else. Someone who has no boundaries with you.
I’m unsettled around you two. I feel like an outsider
watching in.”

“Zuki, I don’t know how to reassure you.” He sat back his

eyes locked on mine. “Aza and I have always been
together, from when we were six, we don’t know how else
to be around each other. But I swear to you, we are and
have never been anything more than friends. We don’t
want to be.”
I folded my arms. I heard what he was saying but it didn’t
quieten the discord in my heart. “How did you meet?”

He slowly blinked and then frowned. “We met at crèche,

during a fight.” I listened as he relayed the memory of the
day, with a smile on his face. How can he have such a clear
memory at six?

“Where is her family now?” something dark passed in his

eyes. I didn’t care if I sounded badgering, I needed
answers.

“Her parents are dead.”

“When?”

“What is this, Zuki?” he sighed.

“When did her parents die? Her father was alive when you
met, right?” I persisted my heart hammering. I needed
more.
“Her mother passed before we met, and then her father
shortly after we met.”

“So, you have than in common.” I mumbled, it wasn’t a

question. “Who raised her then?”

“I am not comfortable discussing Aza’s private life; it has

nothing to do with us.”

“It has everything to do with us if she is such an integral

part of your life! Answer the question Nhla!”

“Maman, raised her and later on with her husband.”

“Where are they now? Why is she not visiting them and
here with you?” My nostrils flared.

“Stepfather is dead, and Maman is in jail.” His answers

were short and clipped.

“What?” What kind of dark history did these two have?

What if Nhla killed the stepfather and Maman took the
fall? My mind was wilding. “What happened?” He stood,
putting his hands in his pockets. Oh god! He did it!

“I can’t tell you that.” He stated flatly. I saw red.

“You see, that right there is why I don’t trust you. You
hide things from me!” I shouted.

“It’s not my story to tell! This has nothing to do with us!”

His tone matched mine.

“Then we have nothing to say to each other.” I was on my

feet now, chest heaving.

“What do you mean?”

“It means if you can’t open up, I can’t trust you two. I
want to be let it in Nhlakanipho. Not feel like a third wheel
in my relationship. She feels like she owns you because you
share this past and makes me feel it.”

“Aza would never do that.”

“Oh, so I’m making shit up.”

“Zuki.”

“No, tell me or leave Nhlakanipho and don’t come back

this time.” He pressed his hands on his face. When he
looked at me again his eyes were red, and his hands shook.

“I walked in on Aza being raped by her stepfather, and

Maman shot him.” He took another deep breath. “I hope
her sordid past meets with your approval.” He glared at
me. It didn’t, it just showed how deep the connection
between the two was.

I shrugged. “Was that so difficult to do?”

“It hurts me that you don’t see that, you just made me
broke someone’s trust and confidence so that it can
assuage your insecurities.”

“I am not insecure!”
“You are babe,” he looked at me with pity in his eyes.
“And unless you work on that, on trusting me when I say I
love you and only you, it will fester and kill what we have.”
I tried to speak. “I just felt like I was in court, I don’t ever
want to feel like this with you. I don’t know half the things
about your childhood, your family but I trust the process,
that when you are ready, you’ll share. Why can’t I be
afforded the same opportunity?”

“Because my past isn’t traipsing half naked in your kitchen.

My past doesn’t laugh with me as if we have inside jokes.
My past doesn’t call me at ungodly hours!” I threw back at
him. I would not be guilted for asking, for needing
reassurance. I refused to cower! He moved towards me
and held my arms.

“I just want to love you, baby.” He looked deep in my

eyes. “This is our first Christmas together and I was
excited and wanted my best friend, who I know hadn’t had
a lot of those to be part of it. “I’m sorry I didn’t make that
clear with you before.”

“I just want to be included, Nhla.” I softly said.

“I know, I’m sorry for making you feel you weren’t.”

“I also need boundaries between you two.”

“Okay. Boundaries. Noted.” H cupped my face. “Can I

kiss you now?” I nodded. He leaned down and touched
my lips with his, his tongue tracing at the seam. I wanted
more so I opened my lips and allowed him in. The kiss
deepened. My heart forgot what it was fighting as his
hands gently caressed my back. We reluctantly parted.
Then he searched my eyes. “Can she come back?” My first
thought was no but then I nodded.

“Yes, and invite her for Christmas too.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” I didn’t finish as he crushed his lips on mine,

pushing me down the couch. He was on top, his hands
under my t-shirt cupping my boobs while our lip locked.

“There will be none of that in my house!” We both sprung

apart at the sound of my father’s voice. We fumbled to fix
our clothes, eyes locked on the floor. “Go help your
mother with groceries, I need a bathroom.” My father said
as he disappeared down the passage. Nhla and I smiled at
each other and walked out.
“I have to go get Aza.” He said.

“I can take mom’s car and go with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I might have to apologise to her for my earlier

behaviour.” I also needed to keep an eye on her. I didn’t
want them spending private time together. Nhlakanipho is
mine and no history would take that away from me. We
went together to fetch Aza from the road lodge she was
booked in. She hadn’t even unpacked like she knew she
wouldn’t need to. I had a feeling that this woman
manipulated Nhlakanipho’s affection to suit her needs. Did
I have proof of that, no. But a woman’s intuition never
lied.
Christmas day we were all at my parent’s house. My mom
had pull out all the stops to serve us a feast. We were all
seated, around the table, Nhla between Aza and I. The
conversation flowed around the table as Ntando and
Daddy shared their mutual love of technology. I must say,
Ntando had done a turnaround from that petulant young
boy. He did all his chores without complaint and without
being prompted. He was friendlier towards his uncle,
loving towards Aza, respectful towards my parents and
they dotted on him. It was me that he still seemed to have
beef with. I was grateful that daddy’s connections had
come through. Ntando would start boarding school on
January and I couldn’t be happier. The kowtowing around
him was exhausting and I didn’t want Nhla to think I hated
his family.

“So, Aza, Nhlakanipho tells me you are doing your PHD

in psychology.” And just like that the spotlight went to the
princess. She smiled, that smile I considered a smirk. Like
she was rubbing it in to the rest of us, she was smarter.

“I just completed it, waiting for my results.” She softly

responded and I wanted to gag.

“Great stuff!’ my father exclaimed.

“Aza is a genius, she skipped two grades in primary.” I

wanted to stab Nhla with the butter knife.

“Really, that’s amazing.” My mother sounded really

impressed. I wanted to shout that I was an honours
graduate, with a great job and soon to begin my masters.
“What is your next step?” daddy asked. He was always
impressed by the young, educated and black emerging in
the market.

“I’m conflicted. There are two job offers as soon as I

complete with my hours. One is that side and one is here.”
She took a sip of her juice. “I always wanted to come back
home, you know. I feel like I could make a difference here
than I would do over there.” She shrugged as if shy of all
the eyes suddenly on her from her adoring audience.

“I can imagine you’d want to come home considering your

past.” I took a sip of my wine. “But I mean, will they be
paying in pounds?” I barked an empty laugh which no one
returned. Aza was frozen in place watching her plate,
Nhlakanipho watched me with a look of betrayal. My
parents looked at me with curiosity. Ntando was the only
one who continued with his food.

“What past?” Sis Neli asked her curiosity peaked.

“Oh, Aza has traumatic past.” I fidgeted. A chair scrapped

the floor as Aza pushed it back.
“You told her?” she accused Nhlakanipho who couldn’t
meet her eyes.

“We don’t have secrets between us, Aza.” I supplied. She

swallowed.

“Mr and Mrs Njeqe thank you for a lovey lunch.” Tears
clung to her eyes but she blinked them away. “But I can’t
stay.” Nhlakanipho made to move, she pushed his
shoulder pressing him back to his seat. “No stay. This is
your family.” She grabbed her purse and walked out.
Leaving behind stunned silence.

“I’ll go with her.” Ntando didn’t wait for a response as he

ran after her. I waited for Nhlakanipho to follow with my
heart galloping. He didn’t, he grabbed his wile glass and
took a long sip. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“What just happened?” Aunty Neli asked looking between

us. My parents looked at me with disappointment on their
faces.

“I believe my daughter just used someone’s trauma to spite

them.” My father supplied.
“How could you do that?” My mother’s hurt tone prickled
at my conscience.

‘It just came out.” I mumbled. They both shook their

heads and left. Sis Neli grabbed the half-finished bottle of
wine and followed them. “Are you going to say anything?”
I asked Nhla. He leaned on the table, taking another long
sip of his wine.

“What else is there to say?” He drained his glass and stood.

“You are a vile person Zukiswa.” He turned around and
left me, sitting alone, stunned.

What have I done? A sob tore through me as my heart

shattered.
Two Sides 8

Nhlakanipho

I stand outside my guest room, my fist hovering over the

closed door. I’m scared, I don’t know what wait for me on
the other side. Ntando’s shake of head as he ran to me on
his way to see his friend wasn’t comforting. I thought by
telling Zuki, I was saving my relationship. There is no
saving it or us. My stomach bottoms out at the though.
How do I love someone so and they are capable of being
so horrible? I sigh and knock.
“Go away.” Comes the muffled response. I turn the lock
the door is locked. I knock again.

“Come on Az, please open.”

“I don’t want to Nhlaka, go away!”

“I’m sorry babe.” I whisper against the door, feeling my

knees give in. Then suddenly the door is wrenched opened.
And I stumble in, losing my balance. Almost tripping over
the open suitcase on the floor.

“You are sorry?” Aza comes up to me and for a moment I

fear the storm in her eyes. “You are sorry?” her voice
cracks as she repeats. Her hand hit my chest, and then
bunch my t-shirt. “I trusted you.” She croaks, the pain in
her eyes my undoing.

“I’m sorry.” I know words aren’t enough but what else can
I do,
“You broke us.” She whispers. “You broke me.” My heart
trembles.

“Don’t say that.” She hits at my chest and I don’t defend

the blows, they aren’t even hurting but the hurt pours out
of her.

“I hate you.” She repeats this, it sears my skin, my mind

my bones and when I can’t take the pain anymore, I crush
my lips against hers. It’s only to shut her up and it does.
For a moment there is silence, only the sound of our
beating hearts remains. Then suddenly we are moving. My
lips move against hers as hers do the same. Hands fumble
with clothes as we blindly move towards the bed. As we
crash on the bed, we are already hallway naked. I’ve never
tasted anything so sweet and so intoxicating. Every nerve
in my body is alive, like wire. Our lips only separate when I
pull the dress over her head, I get a chance to see her face,
streaked with tears and mascara but her lips are bruised
from my touch. My groin tightens further and I groan as I
return to her sweet nectar, she moans and fumbles with my
jeans. We shed our clothes as fast as we can be considering
how out lips are clung together. When we are both finally
naked, I lay above her and she wraps her legs around me
and then I’m plunging into her. We both let out loud
moans, like wild animals mating. Her hands dig and scratch
my back hard enough to draw blood. I pound into her,
taking out all my hurt, need and fear. Hurt that I am the
cause of her tears, need of her that I never had before and
fear that this could possibly end us. The rest of the world
fades away as her warm inner wall grip into me as I piston
in and out of her. My hands are buried in her thick her and
our eyes lock. It’s then that I teeter over the edge. I watch
as she throws her head back, neck straining as a soundless
cry comes out. Her cheeks, neck and chest are flushed a
rosy hue. I feel her contract around me. Then tears leak in
the corners of her eyes. I lose the battle with control and I
spill deep, as my body convulses. It feels like she is sucking
my soul.

“Fuck!” I say my head buried against her neck listening to

the sound of my thudding heart, remnants of my orgasm
vibrating through my entire body.

“Shit!” she responds her hands, still digging into my back. I

gently dislodge her and lie on my back next to her.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Like ever!

“Yeah!”

We both pant looking up the ceiling. What a fucking

disaster and yet best sex of my life. As the thought filters
its followed by my numbing guilt. I’ve had the best sex
with Zuki. Shit shit shit! This will totally validate her
feelings. But does it? When I left her house, I was done
with her? Were you? Bloody hell!

“I can feel your thoughts from over here.” Aza softly

brings me to the present.

“I’m sorry.”

“We were both here. Nhlaka, this doesn’t change

anything.”

“Yeah?” I finally turn to look at her. Her hair and face are
a mess.

“You are still a jerk.”

“You are still a wimp.” We don’t laugh this time. She holds
my stare.

“I see what you see in her.” She turns to face me, with her
whole nakedness and my eyes don’t know where to look.
“Eyes up.” I sheepishly lift my gaze to hers. “She has the
right family, right upbringing and right connections,
something we never had. Do you love her?” I open my
mouth to say something. She places her hand on my
mouth. “Think about your feelings before I came into her
picture.” She looks at me pointedly. I look away in shame.

“Yes, I do.” I whisper “But I can’t go back. Not what after

she did today.”

“I should warn you against her, tell you she is toxic but the
way you spoke about her all those nights after you met, I
know it will kill you to walk away. Humans are fallible
Nhlaka.” She shrugs, and then she smiles, the smile that
tells me whatever she is about to say will be a trip “Where
there is desire, there is gonna be a flame, and where there
is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned. But just
because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die. You’ve
gotta get up and try”

“Did you just quote Pink?”

“She is wise and very familiar with toxic relationships” she

stifles a smile
“What about this.” I wave between us. She flings herself
off the bed.

“A stupid mistake, never to be repeated.” She picks up her

toiletry bag. “I’m going to shower, then I’m leaving.” I get
off the bed and ruffle through the clothes on the floor
looking for my boxer shorts.

“Tonight? Why?” she shrugs.

“It turns out travelling on Christmas day is way cheaper. I

upgraded my ticket and it only cost me just over a grand.
At least my bank account has that.”

“Don’t go Aza.” I beg. “What about Maman.”

“You know she refuses to see me. Nhlaka, I have to do

this. I run, that what I do because I’m tired of having to
deal all the fucking time, mate.” She walks out and I hear
the bathroom door closing. I quickly dress and go to pour
myself a shot of whiskey because I need it. I wait in the
lounge until Aza comes out dressed and dragging her
suitcase.
“This is it.” I get on my feet.

“Yep. Take care of yourself Nhlaka.” She says.

“This sounds like a goodbye, I thought I’d accompany you
to the airport.”

She shakes her head. “No need.” She approaches me and

place a soft kiss on my cheek. “I love you.” Dread sinks at
the pit of my stomach as I watch her leave. Without a
word. And the sinking feeling intensifies when I realise it’s
because of fucking Zuki, she holds the strings to my heart.

It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m sitting in the balcony of

Lunga’s flat, nursing a drink I don’t feel like having. The
week has been rough. Aza arrived in London, sent me a
text to let me know and her phone has been off since then.
I get a niggling feeling she has changed her numbers. And
just like that, my life has changed, forever because I
thought someone could genuinely love and trust me. The
balcony door slides open and the loud noise filters out.

“Bruh, there is a party inside.” Lunga says as he closes the

door muffling the noise. “What’s up with you? Where is
Zuki, you are always joined at the hip at these things.” The
mention of her name brings mixed feelings. I have so
much anger towards her, I dread seeing her because I
honestly don’t know what I’ll do when that happens. On
the other side I miss her terrible. I haven’t been answering
her incessant calls and messages.

“We broke up.” I take a sip of my drink. Which isn’t doing

what it should. KG walks out jo join us, he’s halfway
where I want to be with the buzz.

Lunga laughs then looks at me, “Are you serious? You two
are like couple’s goals. What happened?”

“What did I miss?” KG asks as he settles on a wicker chair

with a zol in hand.

I shrug. What do I tell them without further betraying

Aza’s trust? “She is not what I thought she is.”

“Who, sweet Zuki?” KG asks and I stifle a laugh. Sweet

Zuki has a bite to her.

“Sometime people are not what they seem.” I say. “I don’t

want to talk about it bro’s, it’s done. Tonight, I want to
drink and forget about my love troubles.
“Plenty of chicks inside,” Lunga says. “You’ll have a
splendid New Year if you play your cards right.” He winks.

“And this will help.” KG passes me the lit zol. We sit

outside shooting shit until we are done smocking. I don’t
usually smoke only on occasion unlike the chain smoker
KG, so it’s no surprise the few puffs hit hard and bring in
the welcomed buzz. The drinks are hitting the right spot
and my mind has been cleared of anyone or anything but
dancing with beautiful women and drinking fine alcohol
while waiting to ring in the New Year.
Two Sides 9

Zuki

“Bruh, mommy says you were wilding at Christmas.”

Thandi sat cross-legged on my bed, with a bowl of ice
cream in hand and regarded me with eyes glinting with
humour. I lay on the bed curled into myself feeling chilled
to the bone since Christmas lunch.

“Your mom is a gossip.”

“The one Christmas I miss, drama happens.” She took a

huge spoon of the ice cream. I didn’t know why anyone
would have ice-cream for breakfast. “Dude, you of all
people, what happened?” She spoke with her mouth full. I
tightened the blanket around me. It was the height of
summer and yet I had a constant icy feeling at the pit of
my stomach. I didn’t want to talk about what happened. I
was ashamed of myself. My parents had reprimanded me,
sis Neli also did. I didn’t want another lecture from Thandi
too. Hadn’t I been punished enough? I mean the man I
love refused to see me, take my calls or even respond to
my messages. I spent New Year’s eve under the blanket
drowning in my own tears.

“I’d rather forget what happened.” I mumble.

“Oh sweetie.” She looks at me with sympathy. “Is this

your first evil deed?”

“Agh, Thandi let it go already.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just hard to believe you, miss goody too
shoes could be so mean.” Trust me I surprised myself. I
didn’t know I was capable of harbouring such ill feelings
for someone I hardly knew. I mean I didn’t even give a
chance to get to know Aza better. Now I lost the only
person I didn’t want to lose.

“Can we talk about something else?”

“Has Nhla forgiven you yet?” I guessed we weren’t getting
off the train wreck.

“I haven’t spoken to him since Christmas and not from

lack of trying.” I sighed. “He is avoiding all
communication.”

“Okay, he is being a bit over dramatic.”

“He isn’t Thandi. He told me something in confidence and

I used that to hurt the very person he was trying to
protect.”

“Agh fuck him, when has he protected you and your

feelings?” That stung a little.

“He isn’t a bad person Thandi.”

“You aren’t either, you made a stupid mistake, granted, but

that’s not entirely who you are. Was he hoping for a saint?
No one is. If he writes you off like that sweetie, then he
wasn’t yours to begin with.”
“But I love him.” I croaked. Thandi crawled towards me
and pulled my unwilling body in a hug. I didn’t want to be
comforted. I deserved the punishment.

“Some rejection maybe be God’s protection babe.” She

whispered. That sentiment didn’t comfort my unsettled
heart. A sharp knock sounded at the door followed by my
mother’s booming voice.

“Get ready for church you two.”

“I’m not going.” I mumbled. The door flew opened.

“Yes, baby you are. It’s the second week. You need to pray
for peace in your heart child. The lord forgives all who
come to him and humbly ask for forgiveness.” She made
to leave but hesitated then she walked towards me, sat on
the bed placing her hand on my cheek. “Zuki my baby, you
didn’t kill anyone. You have suffered enough. Your dad
and I love you with your faults and all. Now pick yourself
up and go face the world.” Tears trickled out. I thought I
had cried a river but clearly, I had an entire ocean in my
arsenal.
“I love you too mommy.” She smiled and got up and left
the room.

“You heard your mom, let’s go pray for your sins.” Thandi
chuckled as she dragged me off the bed.

At church my parents always sat on the front row and even

though I wanted to sit in an unnoticeable corner I couldn’t.
One blessing about being late we avoided the small talks
that usually took place outside the church before everyone
went in. Just as we settled, Ntando walked up to us and
sidled in next to my dad on the other side of the pew. He
greeted my parents with a smile. Just as I wondered if
Nhlakanipho would show up, he did. He walked up and
stood on the isle hesitating, usually he sat by me while
Ntando sat by my dad. But now he took a moment
studying me then dropped next to Ntando. I didn’t see him
or anyone through the cloud of tears. I didn’t hear a thing
throughout the services as my ears were drowned by the
rapid sound of my heartbeat. I couldn’t belt out a song due
to a lump clogged in my throat. The faint scent of his
cologne permeated my nostrils at intervals, reminding me
that he was there a few seats away from me. My neck
muscles hurt for being kept immobile for over an hour
because I refused to turn and look at him in the eyes.
After the service, I was already heading for the car, albeit
pointless with my parents still chatting with the pastor but
sitting in the car was better than the curious stares I was
getting from the other members of the congregation.
Thandiwe was discussing an upcoming camp trip with the
youth pastor she had a crush on. I heard the crunchy
footsteps before I heard his voice behind me.

“Zuki.” My entire body froze as I came to a stop. Would

there be a time when his voice alone doesn’t elicit so much
need. I slowly turned to face him. God, he looked good in
a black suit and I always found his rebellious stance on ties
such a turn on. The peak of chest hair from the opened
two buttons of his shirt made me want to strip him naked
and ride him there on the church grounds.

“Hey, Nhla.” His eyes darted around, as if he couldn’t

meet my stare. I couldn’t stand it so I dropped my gaze.

“How are you?” I shrugged.

“I’m okay.” I looked up and found him looking at me,

finally, but the need in his eyes burned through my skin.

“We need to talk.” His voice came out raspy.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you.”

“I wasn’t ready to.”

“Are you ready now?” there was a hint of annoyance in my

tone. I know I messed up but I didn’t deserve the ghosting
I received. He at least owed me a listen.

“I didn’t want to say anything I would regret.” I sighed and

looked away.

“Do you want to talk here?” He shook his head.

“No, too many curious eyes.” And as I turned to the side,

Sister Martha, the church gossiper was surreptitiously
watching us. “Can we go to Vicky’s?” My heart sank when
he suggested the coffee shop. I at least thought his house.
Vicky’s wasn’t a good place for conversation. He wanted
to break it easy to me with people around so I don’t go
psycho on him. I didn’t blame him; my latest behaviour
wasn’t very reassuring of my mental state. I nodded. He
took out his phone at called a taxi. Ntando came by as we
waited for the taxi in silence.
“Hey.” He greeted me and then immediately addressed his
uncle. “Baba wants me to come by the house, is that
okay?” He called my father, Baba. At first it was
Bab’uNjeqe until daddy asked him to drop the surname
and he did. He was becoming a younger brother I never
had in the family. And as annoying as his attitude was
towards me, I wanted that for him. I loved that he found
home with my parents and no matter what happened
between his uncle and I, I hoped he didn’t lose that.

“Yeah, that’s fine, but you need to pack, so don’t be too

long.” Ntando nodded and ran off.

“When is he leaving?” I asked.

“Tomorrow. Your dad is driving him down.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.” He chuckled.

“I was also informed on Friday, non-negotiable

apparently.”
“That’s daddy for you. He always gets his way.” We both
chuckled. I missed the familiarity we had between us. We
laughed at the same stupid things and got each other so
well as if our minds were in sync. “Let me tell them I’m
not going home with them.” I left Nhla standing. They
were still in a serious deep conversation with the pastor,
while Ntando stood on the side patiently waiting. It took
some doing to get their attention. When I returned the taxi
had arrived. The short ride was in silence and my nerves
played violin with my insides.
By the time we reach the coffee shop I wanted to scream.
Vicky’s was a block down where Nhlakanipho stayed. We
walked there from time to time, especially after we had
indulged in the best selection of their doughnuts and
cinnamon buns. It was our spot when we didn’t feel like a
heavy meal. The entire street had restaurants lining the
long street on either side. Ice cream parlour in the corner, a
bar down the street, a flower shop by the book shop. Some
hawkers on the side of the street selling African art. It was
quirky, upper-class and Nhlaka and I always believed it to
be the treasure of the area. We automatically settled in our
usual table, in the shaded outside area. We watched as the
familiar waitress approached out tables with menu’s and
we both ordered without looking at the menu. I knew Nhla
would order the cinnamon bun with Ice coffee while I
would order the chocolate chip muffin with Latte. Then
we would share. I wondered if we were sharing today.
“How have you been?” I asked after the waitress left our
table. Nhla had removed his jacket and had his sleeves
rolled up.

“Struggling.” He said, his intense gaze on me, studying me,

dissecting me. “And you.” He leaned his elbows on the
table. “How have you been, Zee?” My eyes stung, the
familiarity of the nicknames settling in my bones.

“Struggling.” I cleared my throat.

“There is something….”

“Nhla, I am so sorry.” I interrupted. “What I did was

awful. I can’t even explain it to myself.” He momentarily
closed his eyes, cutting our connection. “I hope you and
Aza would forgive me.”

“Zuki.”

“No let me finish.” I swallowed. “I was jealous of her. The

bond you two have and the type of relationship you have. I
never had that and in some weird sense. You are mine.
Mine to love, to share a life with, to cherish and to own.
For someone to have that with you, it drove me crazy.”

“I am not a possession to be owned, Zee.”

“I know.” I admitted miserably. “I guess I have to learn to

love right.”

“There may have been some merit to how you felt. Even
thought at the time, I felt they were unwarranted.” His
eyes were trained on the table.

“What do you mean?” he looked at me, what I saw in his

eyes broke my heart. Misery and guilt.

“I slept with Aza.” My heart splintered. I forgot to breathe.

The background noise muted and the only thing that rang
in my ears was that statement. “Please baby, don’t cry.” A
touch on my hand made me realise tears were trickling
down my face. I wiped them furiously with a back of my
hand.

“Why are you telling me?” I croaked.

“Would you rather I didn’t?” he whispered in a grave tone.

“I would rather have you not fucked your so-called best

friend!” I shouted. The waitress placed our order on the
table. I tried to calm myself as we watched her do what
needed to be done and left.

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

“You’ve made me think I was crazy for suspecting you.” I

could feel the anguish pouring out of me.

“I had never felt anything towards her, not like that. It was
a mistake.”

“How is it a mistake, when you drove to your place, went

to her bed and had sex with her.” He kept quiet. “Oh
God.” I placed my hands on my face as my heart felt like it
was being tossed into fire. Then solid hands were on my
shoulders, turning me. The familiar scent enveloped me.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I wish I could undo it but I
can’t.” I cried on his chest and hated myself for it but I felt
comfort in his arms. At least in his embrace, I didn’t feel
like I was falling apart. He comforted me like he wasn’t the
one that had just flayed my heart open. And the
treacherous organ sank in deeper and absorbed the
comfort. Eventually I let go. His shirt wet. He passed me a
serviette and I wiped my face then blew my noise.

“I have to go now.” I said. He nodded. I grabbed my back

and blindly walked out of the restaurant into the street. I
didn’t know which direction I walked but I kept moving
until my feet began to pinch and legs hurt, the heels I wore
at church weren’t ideal for walking. Then when I came to
my senses, I realised how far away I was from home. I sat
on the side pavement and called my daddy to come pick
me up.
Two Sides 10

Zuki
I believe a heart break is like grief, it comes in stages and
flows through like waves. One moment you are calm and
the next you are reeling from the impact. Days went by
and I fell into a pattern, I went to work, came back and
locked myself in my room laying on a tear-soaked pillow,
thinking about what I could have done to prevent my loss.
I avoided Nhlakanipho in every way possible. Then my
mother got tired of my mopping and dragged me from my
room, took me for walks. And started chatting me up even
when I wasn’t in the mood.

A month passed and then another one. I moved from

regret to grieving my loss and then accepting that it
happened and there was nothing I could do. Life moved
on whether I liked it or not. I had to accept that plans had
changed and I needed to make new plans for myself. I
bought myself a car. It made me feel good. I began going
out on dates, that didn’t make me feel good. None of the
men were Nhlakanipho. They didn’t look at me the way he
did, or open doors for me or pick up the bill or hold my
hand or buy me flowers at random times or surprise me
with an impromptu outing or, well there is a lot of OR’s.
So, I stopped. Sometimes the pain felt like a healing
wound, when it itches, it feels good but when you scratch
hard enough the scab would break and the wound would
bleed. That was my journey, when I thought of
Nhlakanipho and what we were, it would feel good and I
would bask in memories until it dredged up the not so
good ones. Until I remembered my role in the ending of
our relationship and until I remembered his role, then my
heart would bleed all over again.

“It’s a Friday, what are you up to? “Mondli peeked through

my office door. He knew that I’d broken up with
Nhlakanipho. When he asked him out a month back, I told
him I wasn’t ready.

I looked up from desk, giving him an easy smile. “Movie

and popcorn at my parents’ house.” There was safety for
me behind their walls. Mondli opened the door wide and
walked in. I liked that I now had my own office and more
responsibilities. I was one of the BEE candidates in the
company, even though I was good at my job I knew that
this white owned company hired a few of us so that it
would be awarded government contracts. As Nhla would
say, we were only there for experience. I hated that Nhla’s
name popped up in my conscience at any given time.

“Where did you go just now?” I shook my head as if to

ward off any thoughts of the man and concentrated on the
one before me.

“I was just thinking about the work I have to take home

for the weekend.” I lied. Mondli perched his ass on my
desk.
“Can you forget work for one day and go to dinner with
me.” I opened my mouth to argue with ready excuses but
he raised his hand. “Don’t say no, this might be sort of a
work thing. We might run into senior management; it
would give you an opportunity to network. If you play nice
then you’d be favoured for the upcoming promotions.” I
thought about it. He could be lying but what’s the worst
that could happen? I’d be out on a date with a handsome
man instead of in a couch between my worried parents.

“Okay.” His eyes lit up.

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t think it would be that easy to convince you.” He

said

“Even without the promise of networking, I would’ve

agreed.” He became serious.
“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up at 7.”

“Where are you taking me?” I asked as I watched him head

towards the door.

“Dress nice, it’s a surprise” Then he was gone leaving me

with a tentative smile on my face.

“You look nice baby.” My mother complimented as I

walked into the leaving room. My dad nodded right
alongside her. They were sitting under the blanket getting
ready for movie night.

“Thank you, mommy.” I ran my hand over the black slip

dress with a little plunge at the chest. I hoped I looked sexy
without being trashy. The heels gave me extra height even
though I didn’t know how long I would manage in them. I
was a sneaker kind of girl and dressing up pretty always
gave me anxiety. Just then my phone rang and Mondli told
me he was outside my house. I hurried off before my dad
could follow me out. I wasn’t ready for them to meet
Mondli and they didn’t even know who I was going out
with. It would take an act of God for me to introduce any
man to them. I mean the bond they still had with Nhla and
Ntando made things awkward at times especially at church.
I assumed since Ntando wasn’t around Nhla would stop
going but he continued only he went to the afternoon
service.

Mondli was sitting in the car, his face illuminated by the

phone in his hand as he tapped furiously on the screen. I
opened the door and slid in.

“I won’t be long.” He continued typing without even

looking up. I fastened my seatbelt and waited. “Done,” he
said placing his phone on the console. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, I am.” He pulled into the road a followed a familiar

road towards the city.

“How does it feel at your age, still staying with your

parents?”

“Comfortable.”
“You Joburgers are lucky. I had to rebuild back home for
my mother and I also have to maintain myself this side.
With my position people expect me to have it together. It’s
tough.”

“I can imagine. I don’t take the privilege I have for

granted.”

“But don’t you want your own space?” I chuckled. People

always asked me that and it got tiring after a while.

“I have my space. My parents allow me that and staying at

home helps me to afford things I wouldn’t usually have if I
was on my own.”

“Like the machine you bought.” He glanced at me. “Nice

ride.”

“Thank you. It was a breakup gift to me.”

“So, you really broke up nala bari.” My heart clenched. On

instinct my tongue was ready to defend Nhlakanipho but I
held it together.
“Yep. Over and done with.”

“His loss.” We drove in silence until we reached the

restaurant. It wasn’t a new place; we came once or twice
with Nhla when we wanted something fancy. Mondli’s
phone rang as we stepped out of the car. He spoke on his
phone until we reached the door and only paused to let the
waiting staff know of our booking. As we followed the
waiter, we stepped into restaurant with wood-panelled
walls, with tables covered in crisp white tablecloths and
huge lit candles as centre pieces. More tables were filled
with patrons who sat in groups and in couples. The
different conversations filtering throughout the place. We
were seated in a table in the centre of the establishment
and that allowed me a view of the entrance.

“Can we have a bottle of R&R.” Mondli ordered without

checking the wine list.

“And a jug of ice water please.” I added. I didn’t plan on

being drunk but if alcohol was on the menu, then I needed
to hydrate as much as possible.

“So, do you come here often?” I asked after the waiter left.
“Not as often as I would like. I love the food here but I
hate eating alone.”

“Does that mean you are single?”

“If I were, would you apply to fill in the vacancy.” I didn’t

think we would get there so fast.

“As I said, I’m not ready for a relationship, Mondli.”

“I’m not proposing marriage, only we get to know each

other.” He took a sip of his wine, studying me above the
rim of the glass. “How will you know you are ready if you
don’t get back on the horse.”

“Are you calling yourself a horse?”

He wiggled his eyebrows, “I am a stallion baby.”

“The thought of dating again gives me anxiety.” I said my

eyes scanning the crowded restaurant then I almost choked
when my eyes landed on familiar ones glaring at me from
across the room. “Shit.”

Mondli frowned. “I beg your pardon!”

“Not you, Nhlakanipho is here.” He made to turn. “Don’t

look.” He raised his eyebrow.
“Okay, relax though. You broke up right?” I nodded.
“Then there is nothing to worry about” he leaned forward
and reached for my hand from across the table. “Why
don’t we give him something to chew over.” He brought
the back of my hand to his lips. I carefully extracted my
hand from his grasp and grabbed my glass of wine.
Nhlakanipho sat with a group of his friends from work,
Daniel amongst them. I hated that my body reacted at the
sight of him. My eyes kept stealing glances and every time I
was met with his heated stare. I tried to pay my attention
on my date. Laughed at the right time, responded where I
though a response was needed. One thing that saved me,
Mondli like taking about himself. How hard he had it
growing up. Being the firstborn that had to support his
family and his siblings. He spoke about black tax as if it’s
something I should be familiar with. I made necessary
sounds but my body was aware of Nhlakanipho’s presence
like it never had before.
“Ah, there, the people worth seeing tonight.” I followed
Mondli’s eyes and realised he was talking about the CEO
of the company. The man’s face was in every floor
entryway in our building. He was with his wife and a few
top management people. I didn’t think I stood a chance for
any introduction. “Come let’s go say hello.” He threw his
napkin and got to his feet.

“You go.” I didn’t think I would make any good

impression disrupting a man’s dinner.

“Are you sure. I could rave about how brilliant you are at
your job.”

“I need a bathroom, Mondli. Maybe next time.” He

nodded and I watched him walk off. I grabbed my
handbag and headed for the bathroom. I was just about to
push the ladies’ door open when a hand grabbed my arm
and turned me to face a scowling Nhlakanipho.

“Are you dating that fucker?” I pulled out of his grasp that
felt like fire had just singed my skin.

“What if I am?” He pressed between his eyes and

breathed.
“Well, are you?”

“None of your business!” he was so close, his body heat

enveloped me and his familiar cologne teased my senses.

“God, I miss you.” He whispered caging me in. He moved

even closer and there was no space between us.

“Nhla.”

“Yes, baby.”

“I can’t do this.” I pressed my hand on his chest and

pushed. He allowed me to as he stepped back. “You don’t
get to do that anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” I nodded. “Not for this, for Aza, what

happened.”

“It’s in the past Nhlakanipho, you don’t owe me any more

apologies any more than I do you.”
“You don’t respond to my calls or texts.”

“For my sanity I needed to. Nhla, this isn’t easy for me.”

“I’m not giving up on you.”

“You should.” Mondli’s voice came from behind us and I

saw Nhla tense but he didn’t say anything. “She has moved
on to better things.” Mondli walked up to me and wrapped
his arm around my waist in a tight hold. The move showed
possession and the jaw clenching from Nhlakanipho told
me it was received as such. “I’ve settled the bill,” Mondli
turned to me. “Can we go?” I smiled and nodded feeling
my inside turn. His led me out with his hold still around
my waist. I wanted to pull away but I was just numb from
seeing Nhlakanipho. The man had no right to look that
good. Like he hadn’t experienced even a fraction of my
heartbreak. Maybe he hadn’t. He had Aza’s shoulder to cry
on. I wondered if they were dating. Long distant
relationship perhaps? Or had Aza taken the job
opportunity in SA? Many questions rolled around my head
as Mondli ushered me towards the car. He opened the
door for me this time and allowed me to slide in before
closing.
“So, am I taking you home or my place?” I hesitated for a
second. What was I holding on to? I needed to get back on
the horse so to speak. Purge Nhlakanipho. Thandi had said
the quick way to get over a man was to get under a new
one. I looked at Mondli’s expectant face.

“Your place.” He let out a satisfied grin. My nerves

fluttered in my belly as we sped past unfamiliar streets until
we drove into a gated complex. I didn’t notice much past
my rising anxieties until he was unlocking his house door
and letting us in.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked as he

headed for the kitchen. The house seemed clean and he
had decent taste in décor but I wasn’t interested in all that.
I was re-evaluating my decision to be in the house in the
first place. I realised he was speaking and I didn’t hear a
word he said.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He sighed and closed the fridge
he just opened and pulled a wine bottle from the portable
wine rack on his kitchen counter.

“Maybe we should have this instead. You look like you

about to be executed.”
I nervously laughed, he wasn’t far from the truth. “Just
nervous. I haven’t been with anyone else besides, him.” I
couldn’t say his name. I watched him pour the wine into
two glasses and then sauntering toward me. He handed me
my glass and led me to the comfortable couch.

“It’s just sex, Zuki. It doesn’t have to be complicated.” I

took a gulp of the bitter taste and nodded. He engaged me
in small talk about his family, his mom and his siblings as
the wine did the job of loosening me up. On the second
glass, I was ready to get to the business of why I was there.
I placed the half-finished glass on his coffee table and
turned to face him cutting him mid-sentence.

“I think you need to show me your bedroom Mondli.” He

blinked and then he was on his feet almost sloshing the
contents of his glass.
Once his inside the dark themed bedroom my nerves
began their fluttering but Mondli didn’t allow me a chance
to change my mind as he kissed me. His lips were
unfamiliar and his touch wasn’t what I was used to. We
were learning each other but at the same time I felt like I
was failing the exam. We were similar height with my heels
on and the angle was just as awkward. He was more
aggressive with his hands as he slipped my dress off. I
stood there before him with only panties on and I felt my
nipples tighten more from the chilled air rather than
arousal. He stood back and his eyes lingered over my body
as he slowly removed his clothes until he was naked before
me. I fought the urge to squirm under his scrutiny. He
grabbed his manhood jutting out from him and stroked
himself as he watched me. I made to move towards him by
his raised his other hand to stop me.

“No, stand there, like that with your shoes on.” He

responded in a raspy tone. “Slightly open your legs for
me.” He commanded. I did as instructed, passively
watching him pleasure himself. He wasn’t as long but he
had girth. Precum leaked as his head peaked from the
hooded skin. He seemed to be enjoying this as more juices
flowed out of him. His breathing changed as his pace
quickened. “Touch yourself Zukiswa.” He said in a rugged
tone.” I hesitated. “Do it, make yourself wet for me.” I
didn’t think I could. His solo show wasn’t doing what he
thought he was. I stifled a bubble of laughter and covered
it with a cough as I slid my hand under my panties. I was
here now, committed to this, I might as well see it through.
When my hand disappeared under my panties, he moved
closer. His gaze locked at the apex of my thigh. “How do
you feel?” he asked. When I didn’t respond his gaze flew
up and met mine. “Tell me how it feels. Talk to me!”

“Good.” I lied. He groaned and his sped his strokes as he

panted. Then white think liquid spluttered against my
panties thighs and floor as the man groaned his release. I
stood frozen watching this.
“God, I needed that.” He huffed. I remained rooted with
my hand inside my panties feeling his cum soaking me.
“Come let’s get you cleaned up. I removed my shoes and
followed him to the well-lit modern bathroom. Everything
in this house was modern. He grabbed my panties from me
and sniffed. “I’ll keep these” he said. Chock prevented me
from protesting. He ran his towel under warm tap and
wiped his spunk off me. Then he was leading me to the
bed. I thought I had maybe I dodged a bullet but no,
Mondli showed me that he had stamina as he began kissing
me. He did all the right things. Touched me in all the right
places but his touch wasn’t eliciting the out of mind crazy
response. I wasn’t overwhelmed with desire as I should
and knew I was capable of. Only when he slid lower and
started eating me out then the flutter of arousal began. Just
as I was getting into it, he stopped and put a condom on.
He took his time sliding in and I silently thanked him for
the foresight of his muffing me. Without all the lubrication
it would’ve been a painful process. But my sense of relief
didn’t last as the man’s stroke game became punishing. He
turned my body this way and that. Lifting my legs like I
was a ragged doll to do as he pleased. The room filled with
his groans and flesh hitting against flesh. I screamed and
moaned out of discomfort than pleasure praying that he
finished soon. He didn’t, this went on until I was trying
every trick I knew in my limited experience to make him
cum. By the time he groaned his release my thighs were
shaking and my vaginal walls burned.
“That was so good.” He crooned. “We have to do that
again.’ He said as he removed the condom, while I laid
there waiting for a feeling to return to my legs.

My not-so-great experience didn’t deter me. I was

determined to make this work if only to get Nhlakanipho
out of my head. Monday morning, I arrived at work to a
huge bouquet of roses on my desk and a card from Mondli
thanking me for a wonderful time. I’d assumed the texts he
sent and calls I received were enough but I loved flowers
even though I hated roses I appreciated the thought. He
popped in my office more often than before, to bring
lunch to share or to just kiss me senseless. I got a feeling
he got off on the idea of office sex as he kept hinting at it.
The excess attention was wearing me down and I was
beginning to enjoy it. The word was getting around the
office and his constant visits fed the rumour mill. Our next
overnight was the coming weekend and he’d booked us at
a lodge for the weekend. He wanted uninterrupted time
with me, he said. And I found myself with a flutter of
excitement as I packed my bags. Maybe this was the new
beginning I’d been hoping for. I’d read books on breakups
and healing and most of them said sometimes relationships
following a hard breakup took longer to take root as
people didn’t easily allow themselves to be vulnerable. It
explained the slow burn of our candle. I needed to trust
again and as I discovered I wasn’t an easily trusting person.
But I wanted love. I wanted that sense of being complete
with someone. On paper Mondli was that person, I just
had to nurture our emotional connection. I was going to
do better this time.

Two Sides 11

Zuki

“How was the weekend away?” Thandi sat across from me

at a restaurant. We were having dinner before going
clubbing. It was also a way for us to catch up since she just
got back from school.

“It was…” I felt a small smile stretch my lips. “Relaxing.”

Thandi frowned.

“Babes, you don’t go away with a man to relax. You go

away to burn the sheets.”

“We did that too.” We certainly did. Mondli loved sex. He

was vocal in how he expressed himself in the bedroom and
also very experimental. Sometimes he overwhelmed me.
But since I vowed to give us a chance surprisingly my heart
thawed and I’d been into it except this one time during one
of his robust sessions, he kept asking who my daddy was
and I just wanted to scream, Douglas. I didn’t of course.
Mentioning my father’s name during sex would’ve been
taboo and a turn of to be honest.

“And?” Thandi prompted, waving a fry in her hand.

“And what?”

“How was it?”

“Okay.” I took a sip of my cocktail.

“Okay?” she rolled her eyes. “You can’t describe sex as

okay, Zuki. Mind blowing, body numbing, delirious,
fucking amazing. The best sex ever, wild! Those are just
but a few adjectives you can use!” Nhlakanipho popped in
my head. I sighed.

“We are still learning each other. It’s not bad honestly. He
does all the right things; it just doesn’t get me there yet. It
feels good but.” I shrugged. “I read most women don’t
really reach vaginal orgasm. He is good with his mouth
though.” Thandi squinted her eyes as she studied me.

“In other words, he is not Nhlakanipho.” She sighed her

disappointment.

“No one will ever be.” I took a sip of my drink to

swallowed the lump in my throat. It’s been months since
the breakup. Why couldn’t I let go of that lingering feeling?

“Don’t rush it, maybe you just need to connect with

Mondli on an emotional level, right.” Maybe. It had been
so effortless with Nhla. “Or explore the idea of going back
to Nhlakanipho.” My heart fluttered.

“I think I messed that up with my insecurities and him

sleeping with the source of it didn’t help matters. I don’t
think we would be doing ourselves any favours if we
reconciled.”

“Do you not miss him.” I thought about for a while.

“I do but Mondli is a good man, financially stable and he
wants me. Wouldn’t I be stupid to mess that up for
something that had a chance but didn’t work?”

“Maybe. But tonight, we forget about that. I need to find a

man to get laid, you need to let loose and dance so let’s go!’

Just before we entered the club my phone rang and it was

Mondli, I held back and told Thandi I would find her
inside while I answered.

“Hello”

“Hey baby. Are you at the club yet?”

“We are just about to go in.”

“Mhm, I’d hoped you’d change your mind and stay in with
me.” I sighed.

“Mondli, we spoke about this. I need to have my me time

and this is one of those times.”
“I’m not fighting; I just miss you.” I wasn’t fighting either
but I was laying boundaries. I needed to go into this
relationship with eyes open. Not childish delusions. “Can I
at least fetch you when you done?”

“I’ll let you know.” A sound of voices came from behind

me, drowning my call conversation. “I have to go.” I hung
up and then turned to see who the rowdy bunch was. I saw
him first, his head thrown back laughing at something
someone just said as the raucous laughter followed. He
held a hand of a tall, not taller than him, beautiful woman,
Nhla loved beautiful women, clearly. A sharp reminder of
the question, what did he see in me? Daniel also had a
hand around a woman’s waist, there was a woman walking
closely with Lunga and KG seemed to be solo with a
cigarette in his hand. Rajesh ran behind them also walking
solo. But my eyes kept straying towards Nhlakanipho.
They hadn’t spotted me yet and just as I was about to
escape, Lunga raised his head and our eyes clashed. He
immediately came to a stop and someone crashed on his
back.

“Shit” I heard KG curse. Nhlakanipho’s grin slipped as our

eye’s locked. Time seemed to stall and my pulse thumped
at the base of my neck. Whose hand was he holding and
how dare she touched what’s mine? His hand slipped out
of the woman’s grip and she looked at him in confusion.
The entire group had come to a standstill. The women’s
gazes darted around in confusion. I didn’t know them but
I knew all his friends and they knew me. They all warily
watched me in silence. When my body finally returned to
its function, I pathetically waved at them.

“Hey guys.” Grateful that my voice came out steady. None

of them responded. They looked at me like I was about to
explode.

“Nhla, who is this and why are y’all just staring at her?” the
woman asked and no one answered. My blood boiled at
her calling him Nhla. The name was mine alone to use. I
felt the sting in my eyes and slightly shook my head. I
wasn’t going to make a fool of myself. I turned around and
headed for the entrance, I still felt their eyes scorching my
back.

Thandiwe was sitting by the bar flirting with the bartender

by her body language, two cocktails’ before her.

“Double Tequila please.” I slid on the bar stool next to

her. The bartender nodded and went to grab my drink.
“What crawled up your ass.” Thandi frowned. “I already
bought you a drink.” She gestured towards the cocktail.

“I need something stronger.

“Hell yes.” She threw her hand up in victory.

“Nhlakanipho is here.”

“Fuck no.” Her tone clouded.

“With a woman.” The bartender placed the shot before

me. I didn’t bother with salt and lemon as I threw it back
and swallowed the flaming contents.

“Do you want us to go?”

“Hell, no. We live in the same area, do same social circles

this is bound to happen and I’m here to have fun so let’s.”
I gestured for another shot.
“Maybe slow down with the shorts.” I didn’t pay Thandi
any attention. The alcohol warmed my body and loosened
the knot in my chest and my body stopped trembling. I
grabbed my cocktail and scanned the crowd. I felt his eyes
on me despite the throbbing bass of dance music, the
dizzying display of neon beams shooting across darkened
walls and the sea of bodies, moving in one cohesive wave.

“Let’s dance!” Thandi shouted over the loud music. I took

a large sip of my cocktail, emptying the entire thing then
followed her as we pushed our way to where everyone was
dancing. My eyes still scanned the crowd. Thandi and I fell
into our dance routine and for a moment everything else
quietened. Nothing but the vibrations of music coursing
through my body. I felt his stare singe my skin and my eyes
flew open, he wasn’t too far from us with his group of
friends, everyone around him doing the crazy dances they
loved doing. But him, he held the gyrating woman, lost in
musing, sashaying her body against him while his
overwhelming intense eyes were locked on me over her
shoulder. They followed my every move and felt like a
touch against my skin. I wanted to be the one dancing
against him. I wanted his breath fanning my neck. I wanted
his body heat surrounding me with his intoxication scent. I
whirled around and gave my back to him when the heat of
his stare got too much. I got lost in the music instead.
“We need to find a space to sit” Thandi shouted against
my ear. I shook my head.

“We need a refill then dance.” I didn’t come to the club to

watch people. I came to get lost in the sound of house
music.

We moved back to the bar and had shots of Tequila then

took bottled water to the dance floor. Thandi had some
man dancing against her and she seemed to enjoy the
attention. I swatted away many hands that took my solo
dance as an invitation to get closer. I wasn’t there for men.
I was there for me. The music and the alcohol did
something to my spirit. It made me feel lighter. It was
freeing. When my favourite song came on, I got lost in it,
then warm hands wrapped around my waist bringing me
against a solid wall. I knew without turning around that it
was him. The whiff of his cologne teased my senses while
the heat of his body fired my blood. Everything else but
him faded and I pressed against him as we danced in a
familiar dance. Like we hadn’t been months apart. Both his
hands were plastered against my belly pulling me to him.
My body yielded and moulded against his there was no
space between us. I shivered when I felt his hard bulge
against me. A whimper escaped my lips as need shot
through me. He slid his hand upwards cupping my breasts
as we moved to the head of music. My vaginal walls
clenched painfully. I hadn’t felt a need like that in a while. I
turned around to face him and what I found in his eyes
had my heart stopping, his need was raw, so needy and oh
so heart-breaking.

“Zee,” I saw his lips move even if I couldn’t hear the rasp
of his voice. I tiptoed, even in my high heels and cupped
his face. He closed his eyes as if savouring my touch. His
head turned and he planted a soft kiss on my palm. Our
faces inched closer, his breath fanned my faces as his lips
brushed against mine in a barest touch. It felt like I’d been
electrocuted as want shot through my veins. Then we were
kissing, his tongue dipped in my mouth. His lips not soft
and yet not hard yielding to mine, tasted like an
intoxicating drug. The touch was familiar yet potent. I
wanted him. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a
dance floor with people bumping against us. I needed him.
Then a sharp pain tore from my scalp and I yelped in pain.
Someone was pulling my braids. Before I could register
what was going on, I was tearing towards the floor, about
to land on my ass.

“What the fuck are you doing with my man.” My lust and
alcohol induced brain could barely hear the screech from
the woman dragging me. Nhla seemed to snap out of his
shock as he jumped into action grabbing me before I fell,
but the woman found a chance to land a sharp slap across
my face. The crowd around us had parted almost creating a
ring to watch the fight. I’d never fought with anyone in my
life. I’d avoided after school with everything in me, now I
was about to be beaten in a club for a man. Chaos broke
out as the woman, came for me again throwing the
contents of her drink on me, Nhla tucked me behind him,
shielding me from her blows. And taking some from the
woman. Then Thandiwe was there, jumping the woman
from behind. Someone else jumped on Thandi, I assumed
the woman’s friend. I wanted to lunge for them but
Nhlakanipho was practically carrying me while Lunga and
Daniel tried to separate the fight.

“Baby, calm down.” Nhla whispered to me.

“Your Psycho is beating Thandiwe.” I shouted, trying to

dislodge his hold.

“She is not my Psycho. You are.” His eyes danced with

laughter. How could he laugh at a time like this? Then we
suddenly burst out laughing while people around us were
pulling at each other, then the entire group was being
dragged out of the club by beefy bouncers. The cool air
nipped at my heated body as we stepped out of the club.
Two of the women were on the bouncer’s shoulders while
Lunga and Nhla spotted a few scratches. My face had a
stinging feeling on the cheek and my scalp was tender. The
bitch really pulled at my braids. The bouncers headed us
towards the parking, far away from their entrance. The
music had faded and now I could hear the swearing from
Nhlakanipho’s date.

“Heyi wena sfebe, ngikhuluma nawe.” She made to walk

toward me but Nhla came between us shielding me.

“Zanele, step back!” He warned her. “Lunga please take

your friend and her friend home.” Lunga didn’t seem
impressed with his girlfriend either or friend, whatever she
was, the two seem to be close.

“I came here with you Nhlakanipho!” Zanele folded her

arms, pouting her lips.

“Yeah, but now Lunga is taking you home.” Nhlakanipho

responded in a clipped tone.

“And you are going home with her?” she shot daggers at
me. My body shook behind Nhla and Thandi had moved
closer to me. Now that the adrenalin from the inside wore
off, I just wanted to go home.

“Zanele, I’ll call you. Go with Lunga.” Daniel, Rajesh and

KG were coming towards us with the other woman. She
seemed to be with Daniel and she didn’t seem impressed
with the other women. As the argument began between
the couples with Nhlakanipho still shielding me, Thandiwe
moved closer to me.

“Who is that?” she whispered as she gestured to Raj.

“Rajesh, one of Nhla’s friends.” Her eyes lit with interest.

“He is cute.” Suddenly they were making eyes at each

other. Lunga and KG were dragging the two women away.

“That wasn’t fun.” Daniel noted. “Hey Zee, are you

good?” I nodded. I wasn’t. Now that the alcohol was
wearing off, I was a bit shaken.

“I’ll take you two, home.” Nhlakanipho offered.

“I can take, this one home.” Raj pointed at Thandi who

swooned besides me. Everyone else left leaving me in the
shadows alone with Nhlakanipho.
“Come let me drive you home.” He took my hand and led
me towards his car. As he pressed the remote, a grey BMW
3 series flashed its lights.

“You bought a car.” My heart stung that I didn’t know

about it, then I immediately berated myself. I didn’t have
the right anymore.

“Yes. Just like you.” My head snapped up to him in

surprise as he opened the door for me.

“How do you know?” he shrugged.

“I know a lot about you Zee. I would’ve congratulated you

if you hadn’t blocked me.” He closed the door behind me.
The car smelled of expensive leather and his cologne. A
potent combination. He slid into the driver’s seat and
started the engine. “I can finally say, congratulations.” He
glanced at me with a wry smile on his face.

“Thank you and congratulations to you.” He nodded and

pulled off the parking.
“Where am I taking you?” I was conflicted between home
and Mondli’s. But I’d promised to come to Mondli’s so
directed Nhlakanipho to his house.

“Have you moved out of your parent’s house?”

“No.” The only response I had.

“Aah.” We were quiet all the way to Mondli’s house. I used

the extra remote he had given me to open the gate and
directed Nhla until we were parked in front of Mondli’s
house. I wasn’t going to walk from the gate in heels and
especially not in the early hours of the morning. Lights
illuminated the interior as Nhla killed the engine.

“I’m sorry about what Zanele did tonight. She had no right
to do that.”

“I should press charges.” He shrugged.

“You should.”

“Aren’t you going to defend your girlfriend?” I teased.

“She is not my girlfriend. We were on the get to know each
other stage.” He looked at me and I looked at him. God he
was beautiful.

“I have to go.” I whispered. He nodded but still we didn’t

break our stare. He lifted his hand and cupped my stinging
cheek. Then he inched closer and planted a soft kiss where
it hurt. I swear I immediately felt better. When he pulled
back, there was need in his eyes. Not the physical need, the
yearning to reconnect with someone. Show them that you
missed them like oxygen, at least that’s how I felt. I pushed
the door open and stepped out of his car. I watched him
reverse out of the parking and waited until I could open
the gate for him. I sighed and went to unlock Mondli’s
house. As soon as I closed the door, a slap landed on my
face and left me unstable with spots dancing in front of my
eyes. Just as I was about to get my barring another hard hit
had my body painfully connecting against the wall. Was
today a hit Zukiswa day, the fliting thought cross my mind?

“You said you were going out with your friend,” I tried to
focus on the angry looming figure before me but I felt a
wave of dizziness and I knew I was about to vomit. Then
he was pulling my head back with my hair, bringing me
close to him. “You stink of him.” He gritted. “Is that why
you didn’t want me to come with you.” His face contorted
as he pulled hard and tears ran down my face.
“No,’ I whimpered. “You are hurting me, Mondli.” I pried
at his hand but his grip was too hard. He dragged me
towards his room. And at the back of my head, I couldn’t
believe this was happening to me. A man was beating me
up. Not even my parents had ever dared to lay a hand on
me, and this short pen was beating me. I wanted to fight
him but I knew that would probably get me killed.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“No, Mondli please.” I begged. “He just brought me

home.”

“You are lying. You act holier than thou but you aren’t
different from the other hoes.” I prayed he’d loosen his
hold. My scalp couldn’t take another pulling. I took a
moment’s relief when he threw me face down on the bed.
But then my relief was shot lived as he roughly lifted my
short dress and tore my g string.

“Did you fuck him?” I shook my head, a lump clogged at

my throat. He went down and sniffed me. “You lying
bitch! You are wet!” His fingers painful dug inside me.
“I didn’t Mondli I swear.” I cried out. “You are hurting
me.” Then he was pushing inside me. His hand pressing
me down against the mattress.

“Mondli, condom please.”

“Did you use one with him?” he surged inside my

unyielding muscles and I just laid there with my tears
wetting the bed as he pounded, punishing thrust until he
released. I felt numb, but deep down I was shaken to the
core. After a while. I heard him snoring. I gingerly stood
and went to shower. Under the spray of hot water, the
sting of my bruises reminded me of what just happened
and my knees gave in as I slid on the floor. The shower
sprayed drowned the anguished sob that tore out of me.
Only when the water turned cold, I stepped out of the
shower. I grabbed my overnight bag, my handbag and my
car keys, dropping his house keys by the kitchen and I left.
I was never going to be a man’s punching bag.

The sun crested the horizon as I drove out of his complex.

I didn’t want to go home, not like that. My father would be
arrested for murder. I drove to a lodge nearby and booked
for a couple of days. The reception staff shared concerned
looks as I checked in but I paid them no mind. Once in my
room, I laid on the bed and waited in tears for my doctor’s
office to open. I was on contraceptives but I had to protect
myself against diseases. How could Mondli do such a
thing? I’d never given him any reason to suspect me.
Suddenly a cold chill travelled down my spine.
Nhlakanipho had never given me any reason to suspect
him either. I blocked out everything else and concentrated
at the thumping beat of my heart. Eventually it lulled me to
sleep.
Two Sides 12

Zuki

“Are you sure you don’t want to press charges?” I shook

my head and immediately winced at the pain that shot
through my skull. The kind doctor nodded and passed me
an envelope. “These are yours. Just in case you changed
your mind. Here is your prescription as well.” I’d spend
the better part of the morning, taking blood tests, urine
tests, and even a swab of my cervix. My family doctor
advised doing the tests even if I didn’t think I would press
charges. After all the probing and testing, I just wanted the
nightmare to be over.

“Thank you, Doctor.” I grabbed both envelopes and

stepped out pulling my cap lower. The doctors’ offices
weren’t far from the mall and I quickly drove there. I
needed to buy what I needed, hopefully, I wouldn’t run
into anyone I knew. I was already tired of the curious eyes
I was receiving.

“Zuki.” My blood went cold at the sound of his voice.

Why couldn’t God allow me a moment of peace? I had
almost made it out of the shopping centre. I continued my
brisk walk towards the exit. “Zuki!” Nhlakanipho’s’ voice
was more urgent now and then a touch on my arm halted
my movement. “I thought that…. what the hell
happened?” his brow knotted in a frown as shame washed
over me and settled in my bones. I pulled my cap lower
but it was as low as it could get. I doubted it hid anything.

“None of your business.” I snapped, shrugging his hand

off my arm. My eyes darted around and we were attracting
attention. A bruised woman and a scowling man, not a
great combination. I whirled around and headed for the
exit. Nhlakanipho fell a step beside me.

“Zukiswa what happened?” his voice was so quiet it sent

chills through my body. I couldn’t speak with the lump in
my throat so I kept walking. Once outside he carefully held
me and guided me out of the way against a large pillar. It
shielded us from the people. “Tell me.” He peered up at
me his eyes imploring mine. Tears burnt my eyes. I fought
them off but I lost the battle and suddenly sobs wracked
my body. Nhlakanipho pulled me against his chest and
held me tight. We didn’t speak as I cried in his arms for
only God knew how long. When my body shudders ebbed,
he pulled back and looked at me. His face darkened. “I am
going to drive you to my place and we are going to talk.”

“My car.” I flimsily responded.

“I’ll ask Lunga to fetch it.” He wrapped his arm around my

waist and led me to his car. We didn’t speak on the drive to
his place. We didn’t speak from the parking to his house.
Only when we got inside. “Give me your car keys.” I
handed them to him and he stepped out for a few minutes
while I sat on the couch like a stranger that I was.
Everything was still as it was when I left, but now it felt
like a lifetime ago.

“Zuki,” I jumped at the sound of his voice. I hadn’t heard

him come in. He came and sat next to me, watching me
warily like I was a wounded animal. I probably looked like
one. “Who did this?” a touch on my arm had me looking
up at him. He removed my cap and then his eyes hardened
as he scanned my bruised face. “Where else are you hurt?’ I
shook my head, tears springing out of my eyes. “Baby.”
His voice was raw as he pulled me to him. I cried. That is
all I was capable of as I fell in his arms. His safe arms.
After a while he let me go and went to the kitchen, coming
back with a glass of water for me. He sat and watched me
as I drank. “Zuki.”

“Mondli.” I whispered. He let out a long breath.

“Did you go to the police?” I shook my head. “Why not?”

his voice hardened.

“I can’t.” I couldn’t look at him; I was so ashamed. The

shame felt like acid poisoning everything inside my body.

“He can’t get away with this.”

“I can’t do this Nhlakanipho. I just need to take my meds

and lie down.” He looked at me as if deciding to argue
further but he clipped his head and stood.

“Come lie down. Do you need anything to eat?” He led me

to his bedroom that smelled like fresh linen and the faint
scent of his cologne. He slipped his hand under the duvet
cover and opened it for me. I toed off my shoes and
crawled inside the covers. I didn’t expect him to follow but
he did. He scooted against my back covering us with the
cover then wrapped his arms around me. I lay there in the
warm of his arms with my heart pounding as it replayed
the events of the previous night. The more I thought about
there more my body was wracked with shudders and the
harder Nhla’s hold on me tightened. When I closed my
eyes I saw Mondli’s contorted face as he accused me of
sleeping with Nhla, I saw his raised hand as it came down
to land on my face, and then I heard his grunts as he
forcefully fucked me.

“Oh God!” another sob tore through me and followed by

a soundless scream.

“Let it out, baby. I’m here. You are safe now.” I cried until
I couldn’t. Until my head hurt and my chest burned. And
then I fell asleep. When I woke up next the space to me
was empty for a moment, I felt a bit of panic and then my
eyes landed on Nhla, who sat in an armchair, watching me.

“Hey.” My throat felt raw and my head heavy.

“How are you feeling” I shrugged.

“I don’t know, tired I guess.” I slid off the bed and went to
the bathroom. My urine burned as I peed. The doctor told
me the bruises would fade after a few days. I stood before
the mirror and traced the bruises on my face, I didn’t
recognise the person looking back at me. My lip had a tiny
tear, there was a dark bruise around my eye. My cheek was
tender but no sign of visible bruise. The swelling had gone
down. My scalp felt like I’d just done painful cornrows. I
rinsed my face and my mouth then stepped out of the
bathroom. Nhlakanipho remained in the same space I left
him.

“Come, you need to eat.” He commanded as he walked

out of the bedroom and I followed him to the kitchen. I
sat on the highchair and watched him as he pulled out a
ready sandwich from the microwave and placed it before
me then he poured juice and slid the glass towards me.
“Eat.” He sat opposite me and watched me eat. I finished
half of the sandwich before I pushed the plate away. “We
need to report this to the police. You can’t let him get
away with this.”

“I just can’t.” I whispered. The shame I felt crippled me.

“What did your parents say?” my eyes avoided his. “You

haven’t told them, have you?”

“Daddy would lose it Nhla.”

“If you don’t report this, I’m calling him right now!” He
raised is phone and began to dial as he watched me.

“Nhla, please don’t.” My hand shook as I stretched it

towards him. He sighed and slid his phone in his pocket.
“I can’t face the people I work with. Please, just let it go.”

“You want him to get away with this?”

“I work with the man, I dated him after dating you.

Everyone else is already talking about me and not in a
good light. I can’t face this.”

“Screw what people say, Zuki. He violated you and beat

you up!”

“I know! He did that to me.” My voice cracked and Nhla

seemed to lose all the fight as he watched me with pitying
eyes. “I have decided, Nhla.” He ran his hands over his
face and eventually his shoulders sagged.

“Where are you staying now?”

“At a lodge.”

Okay, let’s go fetch your staff. You’ll stay here while you
recover.” I didn’t argue with that. He drove me to the
lodge and I checked out after grabbing my bag. My car was
parked next to his parking when we returned to his place. I
spent the weekend with Nhlakanipho who watched me like
I was an about to flee and telling my parents lies about
where I was. He didn’t bring up Mondli again. On Monday
he wanted me to stay home but it was my job, I wasn’t
going to let that loser threaten that too. I applied makeup
to hide my bruises and went to work with Nhlakanipho
driving me.

It was during tea break when I heard commotion from

next door. Raised voices and shouts sounded as I opened
my office door. People had gathered around Mondli’s
office and security was running towards it. I hurried with
my heart thumping. I hoped and prayed it wasn’t what I
thought it was. I pushed through the people watching and
then my heart immediately went to my throat. Security was
holding Nhlakanipho back while Mondli sagged against his
chair with a bloody lip, swollen eye and he held his arm to
his chest.

“You are finished in this company you son of a bitch!”

Mondli threatened.
“Come fight me you coward!” Nhlakanipho screamed. He
dislodged the security’s hold and lunged towards Mondli,
who suddenly had a terrified look on his face.

“Hold him!” His frightened eyes darted towards the two

men as he ran around his table.

“Nhla!” I called out. He halted at the sound of my voice.

“Stop please.” He turned around to face me while Mondli
cowered in a corner. “Come with me.” I held out my hand.

“This is not over!” he pointed at Mondli.

“You damn right its isn’t.” The security guys shielded him
from Nhlakanipho. I grabbed his hand and led him out of
the office, shocked faces parted as we walked out.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” I closed the door in my

office.

“He deserved it.” He flexed his hand.

“Let me see that.” His knuckles were bruised. I grabbed a
wipe and gently wiped the broken skin. “You could lose
your job Nhla, what were you thinking?”

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did to you.” He

pulled out of grasp and paced. “Besides, I only went there
to talk to him, warn him off but you didn’t see the smug
look on his face. He has no remorse.”

“Nhla…” a knock sounded at the door and one of the

security guards walked in, there were two police officers
behind him. “No…” I cried out.

“Good morning, ma’am, we are here for Mr Ndlovu.” One

of the police addressed me as they walked in. Mondli stood
just outside with his smug face and a few of the senior
managers with him.

“Zee, calm down and call Lunga.” Nhlakanipho, fished out

his car keys from his pocket and handed them to me then
he walked out without any fight. As everyone shipped out
my office, I remained standing with a bloody wipe in hand.
I needed to do something. I grabbed my bag and phone
with Nhlakanipho’s keys. I didn’t see anyone around and I
wasn’t about to report to Mondli. I went past the reception
area and informed them I had an emergency. On my way
out I called Lunga and told him what happened. He was a
lawyer he’d know what to do. Then I drove straight to
Nhlakanipho’s place and grabbed the envelope from my
car and returned to work with my heart racing.
Mondli wasn’t in his office and his PA told me he went to
hospital. I couldn’t really go search for him in all hospitals
and the woman refused to tell me which one. When Lunga
called back, he told me they were holding Nhla, and until
he appeared in court, bail couldn’t be posted. He would
push for fast court appearance, he promised. Fear coiled
my insides. I was scared for him in a place where he didn’t
belong all because I was a coward to press charges. I
should have known Nhlakanipho wouldn’t let what Mondli
did to me go. I called Mondli so many times and his phone
went unanswered. After work I went past where they were
holding Nhla. Fortunately, there were just two of them in
his holding cell. His smile and his jokes weren’t as
comforting as he thought. I hated seeing him there. Mondli
should be the one behind bars.

“Are you here to beg for your boyfriend?” Mondli gave me

a slow sinister smile the following day when I budged into
his office. He had a bandage around his wrist. A swollen
lip and the area around his eyes was darkened. He sat
leaning back in his chair. “Come, beg me Zukiswa.” His lip
curled in an ugly smirk.
“Hell would freeze over before I do that.” I took out the
contents of my envelope and threw it on his desk. He sat
up, the mask of indifference slipping.

“You are bruised, so” he shrugged. “Everyone saw how

unhinged your boyfriend was yesterday, who is to say he
didn’t do that.” His face contorted in an ugly smirk.

I snickered and leaned on his desk, “There is a matter of

my bruised vagina, with remnants of your DNA found
inside me.” The doctor had advised me that the evidence
might not be admissible in court since I compromised it
but Mondli didn’t need to know that.

“I will say it was from consensual sex. Everyone knows we

were dating.” He responded the smug look on his face
making my hand itch.

“I knew you’d say that. I took the liberty of getting footage

of me coming into your place early hours of the morning
with my face intact and coming out battered.” He blinked.

“You are bluffing,” I was but he didn’t have to know that.

“If you had all that evidence you would’ve gone to the
police already.” I saw the tiny tremble of his hand.
“I will take this to the police, to HR and to the media. All I
need for HR to believe me, is to remove this makeup.” He
swallowed.

“What do you want?”

“Drop the charges and call off the suspension.”

“I can drop…”

“Will.” I interrupted

“I will drop the charges, but the suspension is out of my

control Zukiswa, he attacked me at work with witnesses.
You know company policy towards violence.” He begged.

“All I know is if Nhlakanipho gets suspended you’ll be

following him out the door.”

“He is not in my department Zukiswa!” he gritted.

“You are the complainant, make it go away. You have a
day!” I grabbed the pictures and walked out my entire body
trembling. Just as I walked out of my office my phone
rang. I answered without checking who was calling.

“What is this I hear about Nhlakanipho being arrested.”

How did my father know? “Ntando told me after trying to
call his uncle numerous times. When were you going to tell
us?”

“I didn’t think you needed to know daddy.”

“What happened?”

“I’d rather not get into, daddy.” He was silent for a few
seconds.

“I can take care of it if you want me to.”

“Lunga is taking care of it.”

“Alright, call me if you need anything.”

“Okay, daddy.” I hung up. God, what a mess.

Two Sides 13

Zuki

“How did you get that son of a bitch to drop the charges?”
Nhlakanipho asked as soon as slid into the passenger’s
seat. I was fetching him from the police station.

“I threatened to press charges if he didn’t.” I glanced at

him and found him with a scowl on his face.

“Charges you’ll be pressing.”

“Nhla, this is the leverage I have over him to drop the

charges at work as well. Otherwise you’ll lose your job.”

“Work policy is clear Zuki, violence against an employee is

an immediate dismissal. There is nothing that pig can do!”
“He has influence Nhla, maybe you’ll be suspended
without pay for a few months but you won’t lose your
job.”

“You don’t know that. Don’t let him get away with this
Zee.”

“You have Ntando to look after, Nhlakanipho, I’ll not be

the reason you lose your job.”

“God you are stubborn.” He sighed. “He will keep doing

this, you know that right?” I looked away. “To other
people. How many more has he done this to?”

“Nhlakanipho, please stop. I know what I’m doing.” He let

the topic drop and we drove in silence all the way to his
place. He went straight to shower while I ordered food. It
was already late in the afternoon and I wasn’t going back
to work.

“God, I’m starving.” He walked back into the kitchen

looking fresh. “Anything I can eat?” he opened the fridge
and took out bottled water. Nothing much was in there.
“I ordered food, it should be here any moment now.” He
nodded and watched me as I boiled the kettle for tea.
Something I’d learned from my mom. When nervous I
made tea.

“Why are you nervous?” My heart fluttered at his

observation.

“I needed to ask you something but now that you are here
I’m losing my nerve.” He leaned against the kitchen
counter and watched me.

“You know you can tell me or ask me anything.” His eyes

softened.

“Can I have Aza’s contact.” He blinked then frowned.

“Aza? Why?” I sighed.

“I realised after what happened to me I owed her an

apology. I should’ve done that a long time ago. But my
shame, jealousy and hurt prevented me from doing it.” He
opened his mouth to respond but I raised my hand.
“I know I don’t have the right to disturb her peace. I
didn’t even have the right to know her story, but I do and
the way I used it against her, haunts me especially after
what happened to me.” He ran his hand over his face.

“Aza hasn’t spoken to me since she left Zuki.” He

responded his eyes clouding. “She changed her number
and I send her emails from time to time but she never
responds.”

“I’m sorry I cost you your friendship.”

“I did that Zuki. I should never have broken her

confidence.” He shrugged. Sadness weighed heavily on me.
I was the cause even if Nhlakanipho was trying to let me
off easy. He wouldn’t have had to divulge such
information had I not been insecure.

“Please let her know I’m sorry next time you write to her.
I’m sure she sees your emails. You were important to her.
When she’s calm she’ll respond.” He nodded and just then
my phone pinged signalling the arrival of our food.

“I’ll go collect.” He offered already heading for the door. I

looked around the spotless kitchen and wondered what I
was doing there. The domesticity was familiar and I didn’t
want to get sucked into it again.
“You ordered everything.” Nhlakanipho noted as he came
back with two bags of food.

“I didn’t know what you were in the mood for.”

“I’m in the mood for everything.” Our eyes locked as he

said that. I grabbed a bag and opened it to escape that
look. It questioned me? Wanted to know things I didn’t
want to talk about. This was my burden to carry alone.
Nhlakanipho had carried enough of people’s burdens and I
wasn’t about to add. We ate and talked about nonsensical
things. Probably both of us wanted to escape or avoid any
serious talk.

A few days passed and Nhlakanipho found out his fate

about work. He was suspended for two months without
pay. I didn’t know how Mondli managed it, I’d honestly
been happy with him not criminally charged. I hadn’t had
much hope over his job. Nhlakanipho seemed to take it
well. He had savings that would hold him up for the next
two months, he said. I offered him money and he refused.
He wasn’t happy about me not pressing charges. He even
threatened to beat up Mondli again, I begged him not to
and he eventually relented.
After a week the bruises on my face had faded and I
returned home. My parents had questions but I evaded. At
least they didn’t know about Nhlakanipho’s suspension.
My father didn’t give up probing at every chance he got.
He was very protective of Nhlakanipho and he wanted to
know if he was in trouble. I lied and told him he’d been
arrested for drinking and driving and Nhlakanipho
received a biting lecture about being irresponsible.

The following Monday I came face to face with my living

nightmare. Mondli. We had our monthly meetings and I
couldn’t avoid it, I was a huge part of it. I spent the hour
avoiding his eyes and I felt them on me, making stomach
sour and my skin crawl. He made me sick and a part of me
wanted to report him but then I’d waited this long I would
come off as scam. Or maybe my mind was convincing me
off that. It didn’t help that I couldn’t talk to anyone about
this. Nhlakanipho was out of the question, if he so much
sensed my discomfort, he’d drag me to the police station
kicking and screaming.

For the most part, I was okay. After two weeks passed, I
slept well. No waking up screaming and drenched in sweat.
I learned to avoid Mondli as much as possible. My
communication with Nhla slowed until it trickled to weekly
calls. He seemed to be holding back, only asking if I was
okay. And when one day I got sick of telling him I was
fine, I snapped and told him he didn’t need to check op in
me. I wasn’t about to kill myself. He stopped asking. But
he still kept in touch. Shared stupid jokes he’d seen on
social media or just to tell me about his day A week before
he had to return to work he called.

“Hey stranger.” He said.

“Hey Nhla.”

“Are you free for dinner tomorrow?” I paused. Why was

he asking me? Did he finally want us to work things out?
My stomach clenched. Did I want to? I wasn’t sure. I
didn’t think I’d be able to trust anyone again. Maybe I
never did.

“Yes. What do you have in mind?”

“Dinner Zee. We need to talk. Can I come fetch you?” I’d

rather drive the thought immediately came up but this was
Nhla, my mind argued, I was safe.

“Yes, sure.” He was quite for a second.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“I can’t wait.” I hung up not willing to digest the truth of

that statement. I sat at my desk and looked at the files piled
before me. Mondli had been subtly victimising me. It
wasn’t anything I could prove. Buy my name was
frequently left out of work shops and any developmental
activities that the department provided. There was always
something else I had to do or a deadline that cropped up
whenever there was an opportunity. The work that was
sent my way, had me so deep that I even took work home
weekends. When I complained to my other senior
manager, she didn’t see an issue and when I tried to
explain what was happening I ended up sounding like an
idiot. A bitter girlfriend that didn’t want to let go. That was
the gossip around the office.

People looked at me funny, whispered behind my back and

Mondli was good at gas lighting me. He was suddenly the
victim of a bitter woman. I didn’t help that I snapped every
time I spoke to him and he loved those moments where I
proved how unhinged I was before my colleagues. He
created the perfect confrontation in a way that no one else
noticed. Even as I told myself not to fall for the bait, I
always did. Because the permanent smirk on his face was
grating.
“Uyazikhupha na baby.” My mother asked as I walked up to
her. She was in the kitchen preparing dinner. I ran my
hands over the body hugging dress. Maybe it was too
much.

“Nhlakanipho asked me to dinner.”

Her face perked up as she smiled. “Oh, that’s nice.” She

wiped her hands with a dish cloth and faced me. “I didn’t
know you guys were back together.”
“No mommy, it’s just dinner. He wants to talk.” She
placed her hand on my arm.

“Talking is good. Baby, he is a good man.”

I shook my head, “Mommy, I know he is but don’t read

too much into this. I don’t want a relationship. To him or
to anyone.” Maybe never! Her eyes clouded with sadness.

“Will you ever tell me what happened? You haven’t been

yourself the past months. Your dad and I are worried
about you.” I moved closer to her and kissed her on the
cheek.
“I am fine mommy,” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Baby, you know you can talk to me about anything. It can

stay between us.” My eyes stung, but it wouldn’t help to
tell my mother anything. I’d still feel the way I feel. It
wouldn’t undo what happened instead I’d be burdening
her. No, this was my load to carry.

“Honestly mama, I’m okay. Work has been hectic lately

that’s all.” I gave her what I hope was a convincing smile.

“There is always space at your father’s company you know

that.”

“Yes mommy. I have to go.” I hurried away before I fell

into her bosom and wept. Nhlakanipho pulled upfront just
as I was about to call him. He stepped out of the car the
second he spotted me. He wore black slim fitting jeans,
and a soft looking grey jersey rolled at the sleeves. I looked
forward to the day where my heart didn’t gallop and my
stomach flutter at his sight.

“You look beautiful.” He smiled at me as he walked

around the car to open my door.
“Thank you.” His faint scent teased my senses as I got
closer to him. I hesitated before getting in the car. Do I
hug him or just get in? He solved that problem when he
opened his arms for me and I went willingly. He squeezed
me for a second and just as I was about to cling to him for
all I was worth he let go. I averted my eyes as I slid into the
passenger seat, afraid he’d the need in them. The need to
be held, comforted and protected. I didn’t dare hope for
more. Love was a dream, something I recently come to
realise was maybe a fairy tale or a fantasy.

“How are your parents?” he asked after a moment of

driving in silence.

“They are good. Worried about me.”

“Rightfully so.” He glanced at me then back to the road.

He exuded power behind the wheel. You wouldn’t say he
was the same age as me. He didn’t seem fazed by anything.
“Have you thought about therapy...?”

“Nhla, if this dinner is to once again talk me into therapy,

turn the car around and take me home!” He ground his jaw
but didn’t say anything.
“How is work?” he asked after a while. I shifted
uncomfortable. This was another area I didn’t want to talk
about. How would I be able to talk about it without talking
about the treatment I was receiving?

“Work is work. Let’s just say you are lucky you are out on
the sites most of the time. Office politics sucks.”

“Trust me, nothing is easy at construction sites.”

“You must be itching to get back?”

“Not really.” He didn’t elaborate as he waited for the

parking ticket to be generated. We were silent until he
found a parking spot then he stepped out. I didn’t wait for
him to open. I pushed my door opened and followed. We
were at a mall not far from us. He led me towards the
formal restaurants and I smiled when he guided me
towards one of my favourites.

“I hope you still love this place.” He said after a waitress

showed us to a table.
“I do.” Even though I didn’t come any more. It was weird
doing things I used to do with him when we weren’t
together. The waitress brought our drinks and took our
orders. We chatted as we waited. Falling into the comfort
of knowing each other, and conversation wasn’t as stilled
as I expected it to be. He felt like home and I had loads to
tell him. About my favourite shows, new music and any
gossip I had on Thandi. I strayed from talking about work
or Mondli or my parents and he didn’t dig.

“How is Ntando,” I asked mid dinner My lamb shank was

done the way I loved, falling off the bone. We occasionally
took a bite of each other’s food. Any onlookers would
think we were a couple. We could’ve been had I not
messed it up.

“He is doing great, I got his 3rd term results and he has
surpassed expectation. Also he was picked for the first line
up for rugby.”

“That’s great news. You must be proud of him.” His lips

spread into a wide grin. I could see his chest puffing with
pride.

“I am. He has worked hard. Sacrificed coming home but

it’s been worth it.”. He took a bite of his creamy pasta.
“I’m flying to him tomorrow. To spend a few days before
he goes to camp.”

“That’s hectic. But I’m sure he’ll appreciate seeing you.”

“Well, he might not. You know how teenagers are but I

miss him and he agreed to see me. I’ll take that as a win.”
We finished the main course and our conversation strayed
to mundane topics anything to fill the time. I just loved
being in his presence. I soaked up his smiles and his
laughter as it flowed through my body. Thawing the ice
that had been layered over the past weeks if not months. I
hated that my body reacted that way with Nhla. Time had
passed and I’d been through the ringer but still I couldn’t
help the way I was with him. My heart betrayed me all the
damn time. Maybe that’s why Mondli became so violent
with me. He could sense my heart belonged to someone
else just as I had sensed Nhlakanipho’s heart belonged to
Aza. The thought of Aza, dashed any sprouting hope I
had.

“The reason I asked you here Zee is to tell you something

important.” His serious tone had me straightening my
spine and snapping the door closed on my wandering
thoughts. What was it? Was he getting married?
Relocating? Seeing someone else. All of the above had
dread settling in the pit of my stomach.
I swallowed, “What?”

“I am not returning to work.” Oh he was relocating.

Possible to take UK to be with Aza. I felt such a crushing
weight on my chest I pressed to relieve myself of the pain.
“I’m going into business.” Relief swept over me and left
me dizzy.

“Oh! That’s great news.’ I said excitement lighting me up.

He frowned and then trained his eyes on his hands on the
table.

“I’m going with Daniel and Raj.” He cautiously looked up

at me.

“That’s great. Those two are solid guys.”

“You are not upset?”

“Why would I be?” it was my turn to frown.

A flash of disappointment crossed his eyes, “Because,
going into business has always been our thing.” I smiled.
“It seems like childhood fantasies.”

“It was real to me.”

“That was when we were together, Nhla. That dream is

over like our relationship and I wouldn’t hold that against
you.”

“So, you’ve completely written us off.” His voice was full

of anguish.

‘Nhla...” I averted my stinging eyes. Then I felt a soft

touch on my hand.

“It’s okay. I’m not pressuring you. I just...” He sighed and

squeezed my hand before letting go. The small touch fired
me up to my core. “I carry hope I suppose.”
“I’m too damaged Nhla. To be with anyone.” He shook
his head. “Besides I would never be able to know your true
feelings for me.” I swallowed and allowed myself to share
the bitter truth. “Aza will always be there. She might not
have been the factor with you before but once you slept
with her. It validated my fears. Now I’ll never know.” He
dropped his head in shame.

“I know how I feel Zee but I get where you coming from.
But to address your earlier point. You are not damaged.”
He vehemently said.

“Thank you for that.” I checked the time, it was almost

closing time and when I looked around us, most patrons
had left. Nhlakanipho signalled for the waiter and settled
the bill.

“Swimming in money already?” I teased. He gave me a

lopsided smile.

“Daniel gave me a loan to tie me over but our business

proposal was approved. I’m a tender candidate.” He teased
“Daniel and Raj, bring the private sector clients. It’s win
win for everyone.”

“It pays to have friends on the other side then.”

“There are benefits for all of us.” He fell a step behind me

as we left the restaurant. I felt the heat of his hand that he
placed at the base of my spine. My body didn’t care about
the boundaries I set. It yearned and revelled in his touch
“Just so you know, once we are up and running, we could
use your skills.” Excitement bloomed in my chest before
my trepidation doused it off. I could never function right
working closely with him. The distance between us was
needed.

“Maybe.” He spoke about his company and their plans and

his excitement was contagious. I wished I was sharing this
with him on a more personal level. But it was what it was.
Our lives had irrevocable changed forever and I needed to
forge my way forward without him.

Two Sides 14

Zuki
“You are late for a meeting.” The floor PA scathingly
informed as I walked back from my lunch. I didn’t eat with
the office staff anymore as I’d become the pariah. I mostly
brought lunch prepared by my mom or if I felt like
something else then I’d go to coffee shop by us. I heard
rumours that I’d slept my way to my position, so people
turned to frown upon such if they can’t do it themselves. I
didn’t have the strength to correct the misconceptions
anymore. People would think what they wanted. My
attempts to ask for a transfer even if it meant going back
on the field landed on deaf ears. Mondli was friends with
most senior managers and he seemingly poisoned their
minds against me.
“What meeting? I didn’t know we had a meeting.” The PA
lifted her nose.
“The memo is on your desk. Not my problem you didn’t
bother checking it.”
“What happened to the online daily calendar?”
“You would’ve known had you attended last Friday’s
meeting.” She snapped. “I am not your planner Zuki, I
don’t work for you.”
“I didn’t say you were.” I took a deep breath because no
one would win this argument. “Where is the meeting?”
“10th floor, boardroom 2.” My heart stopped. 10 th floor
was the executive. Those meetings were important and no
one invited missed those. I ran to my office and grabbed
my laptop and prayed to God whatever was needed was on
it. I hurried up the stairs because I couldn’t wait for the lift.
I caught it by 6th floor and by then I was already drenched
in sweat. The room went silent as I walked through and
unimpressed eyes turned to me.
“So gracious of you to join us,” One of the senior
managers drawled. I mumbled my apologies as I made my
way to an empty seat, trying to be as invisible as possible, a
feat, considering the room was packed and the only empty
seat available was on the other side. The person doing a
presentation watched me in annoyance until I settled in a
chair.
“Right, where were we?” the man looked at me pointedly.
Then he rattled on about missed submissions of renewal
contracts for two building and that meant the projects had
to be pushed for the following year’s budget while the
municipality was penalising them for the dilapidating state
the buildings were in. The management wanted to know
who was responsible for such a flop. I mildly unconcerned
as I waited for my laptop to come on then the names of
the buildings were mentioned. My gaze snapped and I
found Mondli’s eyes studying me, a smirk teasing his lips.
“Excuse me Mr Lawrence, would you repeat that.” The
man looked exasperated but he did confirm that my ears
were not deceiving me.
“Do you mind explaining to us why you missed that
important deadline Ms Njeqe. Why am I not surprised
considering the tardiness you just demonstrated?”
I swallowed, as panic clawed at my throat. “I can assure
you, Mr Lawrence, I submitted those to finance on time.”
“These?” he threw documents at before me. I nodded.
“How do you submit without the signature of your line
manager?” my eyes darted to Mondli who looked a picture
of innocence as he waited for me to answer as the rest of
the room.
“He told me that he did.” I snapped. Mr Lawrence raised
his brow.
“Did you confirm as your job requires you to, if indeed the
document was signed.” I swallowed. I remember it was
amongst the pile of documents that had needed to be
rushed either for reports or submission. Plans needed to be
approved. I couldn’t be sure if I verified everything
because above everything else, dealing with Mondli was
stressful. I tried to argue but I came off as unprofessional
and failed at one of my core jobs. Mr Lawrence was done
addressing me as he turned to Mondli, who needed to take
care of the matter and see it didn’t happen again. I sat back
and seethed. He did it on purpose. He made me look
incompetent in front of the entire company and in every
one’s eyes I was becoming a liability. I shrank into the
background for the remainder of the meeting. But I could
feel eyes on me and when I was finally sick of it I looked
up and found Mondli watching me with a satisfied smirk. I
seethed the rest of the meeting barely absorbing anything
except for my mind running laps to figure out what had
happened. But of course I knew.
The meeting adjourned and I took my time packing the
documents Mr Lawrence threw before me and switching
off my laptop as people filled out of the boardroom.
“That is no way to attract attention of the top
management.” My stomach soured at his tone and when I
looked up Mondli was the only one left I the room with
me.
“I know you did this.”
“Do you have proof of that accusation Ms Njeqe?”
“What do you want Mondli?”
“To put you in your place. I am in charge here not you!” I
held my trembling body together because people were still
chatting outside of the boardroom. It wouldn’t look good
for me to be shouting at manager. As I watched him walk
out, I wanted to claw at his back, beat him until he
couldn’t move.
I returned to my office and went through my work with a
fine tooth comb and when I was done, I called
Nhlakanipho. I hadn’t spoken to him in over two weeks.
His phone rang unanswered. The man was busy starting
his new venture he didn’t need to be burdened by old
baggage. It was dark when I left the office and my heart
rate accelerated when I realised I was the only one left in
my floor. I didn’t feel safe anymore, hadn’t in a while. I
hurried out to my car and only breathed a sigh of relief
when I was locked inside.
At home my parents sat at the dining room table each with
a cup of tea before them. I quickly greeted and made for
my escape but my mother called me to join them.
“Nontombi, what’s happening?” my dad didn’t stutter as I
pulled a chair and sat. “Look at you, coming back from
work like you are returning from war. Exhausted with no
life in your eyes.”
“And if you tell us you are fine one more time Zukiswa, I’ll
lose it!” my mother added. Tears sprung in my eyes and
suddenly I was exhausted.
“It’s work.” I mumbled. “I think my boss is victimising me
but I don’t have the proof to back up my suspicion.” I
could at least tell them that. I couldn’t tell them, that their
fierce daughter was a victim of assault. Things like that
didn’t happen to me. I was raised to be brave, stand up for
myself and to never be a victim. The shame of having that
happened to me had me in a chokehold.
“You have two options my baby, get the proof you need
and report him or find a job elsewhere.” My father firmly
stated. “And this is not me trying to recruit you, I know
you are not a tech person and you’ll come work for me
when you are ready but I’ll will not stand by and watch my
baby suffer anymore. You are talented Zukiswa, young and
your skills are in demand. Don’t suffer in silence.” I
absorbed his words and let them take root. I didn’t have to
take the treatment Mondli was subjecting me to. But
quitting meant he won, in every way.
“Your peace of mind is important baby.” My mother
added. I got up from chair and gave each a hug. Their
words bounced around my head while I showered and
when I went to join them for dinner. Fortunately, they
didn’t talk about me anymore. But their words stayed with
me as I headed for bed. I’d just slid under the covers when
my phone rang and it was Nhlakanipho calling. Butterflies
went wild in my stomach.
“Hey.” I answered.
“Hey,” his tone got deeper when he was sleepy, it sent
tingles all over my body and I sank into the pillow
absorbing the warmth. “Sorry to call you this late, I saw
your missed call but I hadn’t had time to return it until
now.”
“No worries. How is it going your side?”
“Things are coming together. We got the funding today.
So, it’s all systems go.”
“Congratulations. I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you.” He was silent for a second. “I know you hate
when I do this, but how are you?” suddenly tears sprung to
my eyes and I couldn’t hold them as they silently fell.
“I’m okay,” my voice came out thick.
“Zee!”
“It’s not about me today. Can we talk about your good
news?”
“We can do both. Talk to me please.” He begged.
“It’s work.” I mumbled.
“What about work?” he asked his tone hard. I feared what
he’d do if he knew what Mondli was doing to me. I
wouldn’t let him ruin his career before it took off because
of me and my stupidity.
“I’m not coping. Working with Mondli isn’t as easy as I
thought it would be.”
“Has he tried something?”
“Just petty stuff. Seeing him isn’t easy.”
“You’ll have a job with us Zee, keep that in mind.”
“Thank you.” Our conversation shifted to other things that
weren’t emotionally draining. Things that made my heart
feel light. He made his jokes that I was probably the only
person who found funny. I smiled more and laughed
some. By the time he hung up, I was feeling much better
and sleep creeped up on me.
“Sister Zukiswa,” I turned around to find Pastor Raymond
behind me. It was after church and I was trying to make
my escape before my parents roped me into their
conversations.
“Yes Pastor.”
“May I have a word with you. In my office please.” I
nodded and followed him, wondering what I’d done. I
tried to flow under the radar at church unlike my parents
who were involved in many activities.
“How have you been?” The Pastor asked as soon as he
closed the door of his office.
“I’ve been good, thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Your parents are proud of you and I
am too. Watching you grow to become such a fine young
lady, is a gift.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t think I was all that great but his kind
smile was affirming.
“Why am I here pastor Raymond?” I couldn’t deal with the
speculation in my head.
“Spoken like a corporate woman,” he smiled. “I wanted to
nominate you to be a young woman leader.” Just as I was
about to open my mouth and vehemently object to such,
he raised his hand to stop me. “I know you are busy and to
be frank a lot of your young people don’t want
responsibility in the church but we are in a bind. Their
leader suddenly left, relocated. And I like to choose people
who can inspire these kids. Give them hope and show
them that everything is possible. You are young, on the
come up, highly educated and have a great job. I’m sure
there is a lot to share with the young ones.” He looked at
me expectantly.
“Pastor Raymond, I’m flattered by your words. Truly. But
being a church leader in any capacity isn’t really my thing.”
“It’s never anyone’s thing my child. But if you ever wanted
to contribute positively in your community this is it.” He
sat back in his chair. “Don’t say no right away. Come join
their Friday evening and see if it’s something you’d be
interested in. If you still feel this way after that. I’ll let it
go.” I nodded.
“Okay, I can do that.” I walked out of his office puzzled. I
wondered if my parents put him up to this. They were
there one’s that always encouraged me to me more
involved in church. My mother would often say, being
involved in church kept her mind from idle thoughts. Idle
thoughts were the devil’s playground. I was so deep in
thought that I bumped into a solid wall, until the familiar
scent told me who it was.
“Watch where you going young lady.” He teased as he
righted me.
“Nhla, sorry. My mind is preoccupied.”
“Coming from Pastor Raymond office I see, what did you
do?” he stepped back sliding his hands into his suit pants.
He wore dark blue suit with a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned
at the top. I didn’t know which look better on him, the
casual look or the formal look. Either way, he always
managed to take my breath away.
“Nothing, he wanted to ask me something.”
“Aah.” His eyes scanned me from top to bottom. “You
look beautiful.” He loved me in dresses and I took extra
care in what I chose, every Sunday because there was
always a change I’d see him. Even if it was for a moment.
“Thank you.” People shuffled around us by we remained
standing smiling at each other
“I better go in; the service is about to start.” He didn’t
move.
“You don’t have to attend the afternoon service on my
account.”
“I guess I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
He admitted.
“You don’t. You wouldn’t.”
“Thanks for that.” We still remained standing, staring at
each other. Then he moved closer, opening his arms wide.
I walked in them and he wrapped me in a warm hug. It
took longer than normal before we pulled apart. The
sound of a piano filtered through and the music began.
“You better go.” I said.
“What are you doing this afternoon?” he asked instead.
“Lunch at home, then chill.”
“Would you like to do something, together? I don’t know
what. It just came to me.” He smiled at me sheepishly.
“Okay. Let’s do something.”
“Okay.” He smiled. “I’ll call you after the service.” I
nodded and he hurried off into the chapel while I walked
out with a smile on my face. Lunch with my parents was
light and fun. I shared what Pastor Raymond asked of me
and they encouraged me to think about it.
Time flew and before I realised Nhla had arrived to fetch
me. I invited him in while I went to change. He wore
shorts and a t-shirt so I needed to match his comfort. I left
him catching up with my parents. I changed into shorts, t-
shirt and flip flops. I didn’t miss the sly look my parents
shared as we walked out. I hated that they still held hope
for Nhlakanipho and I. We were only just friends.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked as I slid into his
passenger seat. Even though I had my own car, I loved
being driven around by him.
“Sunday market.” He glanced at me.
“Oh, I love those. Which one?” he mentioned one I hadn’t
been to but had been planning to go.
“Awesome.” On the drive, his music played in the
background as we chatted. I loved how natural the
conversation flowed with us. I didn’t even feel the forty-
five minutes’ drive.
The place was busy with couples and families milling
around. Exploring the different stalls. Nhla held my hand
as we walked around. It felt natural and yet I was
constantly aware of the heat that permeated from him.
“Here,” he pulled me towards a lemonade stand. “Let me
get you something to drink.” I felt giddy as we tried
different flavours for testing before we settled on one.
“I love them all,” I told the lady that was selling them. The
flavours were crisp and refreshing. From there we went to
the crafts market. Where they sold all sorts of beautiful
things. From handmade accessories, shoes, clothing to art,
paintings, ornaments. It was a feast for the eyes. Nhla
bought me a bag that I’d been repeatedly eyeing, then
earrings and wrist bands. The price was exorbitant. But he
didn’t seem to mind. I bought him a handmade beaded
bowl that he could place on his coffee table and a wrist
band. After the shopping, the sun was already going down
but I didn’t want to lose his company so we walked to a
bar nearby and had a few drinks with a light meal before he
took me home. I didn’t want my Sunday to end but it had
to. It was almost 9 pm when he parked in front of my
house and switched off the engine.
“I had a great time today.” I turned to face him. “Thank
you.” He smiled.
“Me too. I remembered how you wanted to go to those
and I never got to take you. So, this is me making up.”
“You don’t have to make up for anything Nhla.” He
shrugged.
“Just something to start your week right.”
“It definitely has. I have to go.” He nodded and pushed his
door opened. I didn’t wait for him to open mine as I
stepped out.
“You make it hard for me to be a gentleman.” He teased as
I rounded the car to meet him on the other side
“I know you are a gentleman. That’s what matters.” He
didn’t respond but pulled me in his arms instead. His hugs
were addictive.
“Have a great week ahead, Zee.” He murmured against my
ear.
“You too.” I inhaled him one last time before letting go.
He watched me until I disappeared into the house only
then I heard the sound of his engine. My parents were
already in bed and I quietly made my way to my room with
a smile on my face. A smile I took to sleep and woke up
with the following morning. But It faded the moment I
stepped off the elevator at work.

Two Sides 15

Zuki
After a week I had, I didn’t have the energy to go to a
Friday church thing but I had made a promise so I forced
myself to go. There were a few cars parked on the church
parking lot and as I walked through, I noticed the light in
Pastor Raymond’s office was on. Which meant he was also
in attendance. He walked out of his office as I came closer
and his face broke into a wide smile.

“Sister Zukiswa, you made it.”

“Hello Pastor Raymond, barely hey.” His smile didn’t

waver.

“I love the integrity of the people who keep their

commitment.” He praised. “Come let me show you where
everyone is gathered.” He waved me over and I followed
as we walked through a long hall way. I must admit, I
didn’t realise the church building had so many classrooms.

“I’ve never been this side of the building.” I admitted.

“Many people haven’t. It’s the chapel and then home but
we have to accommodate different age groups this side,
Sunday School, young men and young women.” We turned
the corner into a small passage that lead to a closed door.
Pastor Raymond didn’t knock or open instead he turned to
me.

“We have combined them today since the young women

don’t have a leader. But they do have an assistant leader,
trouble she is also new.” The young man leader is
conducting the class, afterward then it will be an hour of
whatever activities they planned.” I nodded. He knocked
and opened the door. The classroom went quiet as we
walked in. Young curious faces turned to watch us.
Thandiwe’s crush who was the youth leader, perched on
the table in front of the class.

“Okay class let’s welcome Pastor Raymond and Sister

Zukiswa.” Joshua the leader introduced us. The sister
through me off all the damn time. The kids mumbled their
greetings. After a quick look around I’d assumed there was
about eight young men and maybe ten young women, all
ranging from 14 to 18 years old. Pastor Raymond quickly
made an introduction and left while I sat in a chair in front
and observed. There was a scripture written on the white
board and then a topic ‘Overcoming Adversity’ written
underneath. After the introduction the kids started sharing
with Joshua’s encouraging smiles. Some were shy and
hesitant to share their experiences with adversity. Some
were bold maybe because they’ve shared these experiences
before. But Joshua gave everyone a chance. I must admit I
found myself absorbed and invested in their stories. I
wanted to know more. Their adversity tales ranged from
being bullied at school, to struggling with self-esteem
issues to having disagreements with their parents. Joshua
didn’t make them feel like one’s experience had more
weight than the other. I noticed in the corner one girl who
sat apart from everyone else. She didn’t participate in the
discussion. Eventually Joshua moved to her and gently
asked if she had anything to share. She shook her head and
Joshua only smiled and told her maybe next time. The class
was dismissed and the went for the games they’ve
prepared. I watched on the side-lines as they played a game
of basketball. The quiet girl from class still didn’t
participate. She sat not far from me watching the game
longingly. I sidled closer to her.

“You don’t play?” I asked startling her.

“I play soccer.”

“I don’t think they play either, it’s just for fun.” I glanced
at her noticing the outfit she wore, jeans, hoodie and we’ll
worn converse sneakers. From first glance you’d mistake
her for a boy. “Have you seen how many times they
fumbled the ball?” her lips lifted in a shy smile.
“Why aren’t you playing?” I’d given up on her responding
and settled on enjoying the foolishness before me.

“I’m new here so, I’m observing the competition.” We

remained seated like that watching the game and not saying
anything anymore until the game was over. Joshua
gathered everyone close and we stood in a circle.

“Thank you for the wonderful evening,”. He began. “Next

week the young women will be on their own, hopefully
with their new leader.” His gaze snapped to mine. “In two
weeks it’s our monthly combined class. And don’t forget
the YA dance is a month away. Hope everyone has secured
themselves a date.” Chuckles sounded all around except
for my new friend who remained grim throughout the
announcement. Most kids were fetched by their parents
except for 6 that remained waiting by the only car
remaining in the parking lot, if you excluded mine.

“Sister Zukiswa” Joshua broke into a jog to catch up with

me.

“Zukiswa please,” the sister made me uncomfortable.

“Only if you call me Joshua too.” He gave me one of his
easy smiles. “I hope you enjoyed yourself.” I thought
about it and realised I kind of did. I hadn’t thought of my
worries for the entire three hours I’d been there.

“I did.”

“Does that mean will be seeing you next week?”

“Maybe.” We approached the waiting kids and my new

friend was amongst them.

“Well, hope to see you. I better go drop them off.” He

nodded towards the kids.

“All of them, will they fit in your car?” he shrugged.

“We will make do. I don’t think there’ll be traffic cops

around.” He pressed the key fob and his car flashed.

“I can take a few home.” I knew most of them stayed

around. Our church was zoned in a way that it was within
reach for the residents. If outside the boundary there was
another branch.

“Are you sure?” He confirmed but I could see the relief in

his eyes.

“The two girls can come with me.” That’s how I ended up
driving two quiet girls home. They clearly didn’t have
much to talk about. The first girl directed me to her home.
It wasn’t far from my house but my new friend stayed just
outside the suburb in an RDP house.

“So, I didn’t get your name.” I asked as I glanced back at

her.

“Bonolo.” She responded. The moment I parked outside

her house she was jumping off and running towards her
house without looking back. I shook my head a smile
teasing my lips and wondered what I’d gotten myself into.

I didn’t see or speak to Nhlakanipho until Sunday.

Saturday I spent the day with my mother at a spa. A
welcome surprise she sprung up on me. But even though
my day was occupied, I found myself at a loss of what to
do Saturday evening. I reminded myself of what I always
remember when I’m lonely. I needed more friends. How
did one make those? Work was out, I didn’t trust anyone
anymore from that place. Maybe church, if I put myself
out there.

In the evening I lay in bed with my phone, mentally

arguing if I should call Nhlakanipho. A big part of me
knew that I shouldn’t. He could be seeing someone as he
should. I hated that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. No
matter what I did, he was never far from my mind. My
fingers hovered over his number until I eventually decided
to stalk him on social media. There wasn’t much. He had a
Facebook page where he mostly posted all his adventurous
activities. Mostly tagged by Daniel and Raj. Certainly, no
women pictures. There was old post with me and even
older with Aza otherwise his page didn’t tell me much. I
sighed and called Thandi, the noise in the background told
me she was out partying somewhere. I prayed that when
she got a job it had to be somewhere closer to me.
Eventually, I slept. Feeling restless and lonely.
Sunday at church, the kids I met on Friday, all greeted me
with smiles as they rushed to their classes. Even Bonolo
gave me a tentative waive. My heart tumbled when I
spotted Nhlakanipho walking in, grey suit and white shirt
adorning his body. The butterflies rioted in my tummy as
he approached where I was standing until he stood a few
feet from me. His scent always teasing my senses.
“I see you decided to come early this week.” I gushed out.

“You told me it was okay.” He scanned my face as if

searching for signs that it wasn’t.

“It’s perfect. Good to see you.” I missed you, clung at the

tip of my tongue.

He hesitantly closed the gap between us and hugged me. I

wanted to cling for much longer, soaking in his goodness
but it wouldn’t be appropriate.

“How are you?” he asked as he pulled back.

“Great.” My response sounded too bright in my ears.

“How are you?”

“I’m good.” Another awkward pause.

“Sister Zukiswa.” Joshua came to join us. “Oh hello

Brother Nhlakanipho”
“Hello Joshua.” Nhlakanipho wasn’t about the brotherly
love. Joshua kindly smiled at both of us and then
addressed me.

“Sorry to interrupt but I wanted to find out if you got

home safe Friday?”

“Oh yes I did. The kids don’t stay far from me.” One
anyway.

“I’m glad. Hope to see you Friday.” He nodded and left us

watching him.

“How did it go?” Nhlakanipho asked me.

I turned to lead him towards the entrance, the service was

about to start “I kind of enjoyed it.”

“Does that mean you will take the job?” he wiggled his
eyebrows.

I chuckled. “probably.”
“It’s a good one Zee, serving has a way of healing.” I
hummed my agreement.

“Doing anything this afternoon?” I found myself asking

then immediately felt like crap at his halting glance.

“Sort of.” He murmured.

“Oh sorry, I asked.” The pain of hearing he had plans took

me by surprise.

“I can get out of it.”

“No no don’t do that. I mean, you have a life, I shouldn’t

expect you to drop everything for me.” And yet an
unrealistic part of me did. “Is it a date?” the question came
out before I could filter it.

Nhla hesitated and then paused just before we entered the

chapel, pulling me aside. “Yes. I’m dating someone. I ...”
“You don’t have to explain Nhla.”

“I feel like I need to.” His eyes searched mine. “I do date

Zee, even though nothing lasts because I never want
anything more from them and eventually they do and I
have to let them go.”

I swallowed. I didn’t want to ask why he didn’t want

anything more. Was he waiting for Aza? A touch on my
arm had heat coursing through my body. “Nhla.” I
whispered as he turned me to face him. His two fingers
placed below my chin.

“It’s you Zee, always you.” I blinked at him. My heart

expanding, I feared it was going to explode. “I know you
aren’t ready. Maybe you never will but I’m still hopeful.”
He dropped his hand and leaned forward to kiss me on the
cheek. “Let’s go in.” I followed him in a daze and
remained that way for the entire service.

After church I met with Pastor Raymond and gave him

my decision. I accepted the calling. He was happy of
course, and immediately gave me a file and manuals as if
they’d been packed waiting for me. I spent the afternoon
going through them. It was an outline of their lessons,
activities and a few personal notes on birthdays and
parent’s info. Manuals guides for lesson and a calendar for
activities. It seemed like a full-time job.

I tried to keep my head down at work and do my job.

Even though Mondli tried to aggravate me every chance he
could, I didn’t give him the satisfaction of responding. But
holding myself together took all my strength.

Friday came and I began my lesson at church. I realised I

didn’t need to do much. Most of the hour, I listened and
guided. We enjoyed board games afterwards and a light
snack. Then I was helping Joshua transport the kids home.
Bonolo one of them. She seemed subdued the closer we
got to her house. I wanted to know more about her, find
her story but I didn’t want to pry so early she might run. I
needed her to trust me because I had a niggling feeling that
she needed me.

A week before their dance, we’d gotten to know each

other. Even Bonolo tentatively participated in class and
was becoming more involved. But that Friday she was back
to her shell. As others played basketball, I went and sat
with her.

“You are not joining today?” I asked. She shook her head.
“So do you have a date for next week?” I’d come to
understand the dance was a big deal for them. Other
branches coming and they were meeting at a regional
branch in Centurion. The biggest in Gauteng region. It
would also allow them to mingle with other kids. They had
to dress up and the church catered for it.

“I’m not going.” She mumbled.

“Why?” I knew all of them had been gushing with

excitement the past two weeks.

“I don’t have a date and I don’t think the church would

allow even if I had one.” I frowned.

“What do you mean?” She looked at me like she couldn’t

believe she’d just admitted that to me.
“Bonolo, you can speak to me and it stays between us, I
promise.” I understood her need to want to speak to
someone.

“I date girls and I’m not sure the church approves.” I

hated that I didn’t know the church stance on
homosexuality. As a youth leader I needed to be on top of
it. But I also didn’t want to give Bonolo false reassurances.
“Have you had incidents here at church where someone
disapproved?” she shook her head.

“I just started. I love it here and spiritually I feel home. My

previous church chased me out when they found out and
threatened to tell my parents. I’d don’t want to have to
experience that again.”

“Do you mind if I speak to Pastor Raymond about it? I

won’t mention your name.” I quickly reassured.
She nodded and I sat with her for the remainder of the
game. What if the church stance on LGBTQI+ was the
same as her previous church? Why had I not thought of it
before? What were my parents’ stance, or even
Nhlakanipho? I didn’t know why my mind suddenly
wanted to know. But I knew that I wasn’t homophobic but
maybe I might have been complacent even subconsciously
prejudice. These thoughts whirled in my head until the
following day.

The following morning, I asked my parents for Pastor

Raymond’s number. I couldn’t wait for church. I had
concluded his answer would decide my fate as well as that
of Bonolo in the church. I first had the conversation with
my parents and they asked me if I was seeing a woman and
then went to tell me they’d be okay with it and they
wouldn’t love me any less. When I told them about Bonolo
without mentioning her name, they were as troubled as I
was. I don’t know why I had questioned their
unconditional love in the first place. I had awesome
parents.

Pastor Raymond’s reaction wasn’t different from my

parents’. His stance on the matter was always to protect
anyone from the LGBT community. I breathed a sigh of
relief. But he cautioned about the congregation. Sometimes
they held their own personal beliefs and bigotry but it
wasn’t a church representation.

I found myself lighter as I went through a new week. Being

involved with other people’s problems might be good for
me. I found myself thinking less and less about my own
troubles. The new week came with preparation for the
upcoming dance. According to Joshua even leaders needed
dates. I couldn’t even ask him; the man was bringing a
fiancé. Short of going with my dad, I either went alone or
asked Nhla. The dance was on a Friday and I was
convinced he’d have plans. By Wednesday I swallowed
pride and called him.

“Zee.” His voice sounded sleepy.

“Did I awake you?”

“I was dosing off.” He said and I heard a soft voice in the

background.

“Oh crap. I didn’t realise you had company.” I hung up my

hands trembling and my chest feeling ice cold. Tears stung
my eyes at the unreleased pain. I had no right to be hurt
but I was hurting. Excruciating pain. It was one thing to
know he was dating, another to witness it even if from the
phone call. She was probably spending the night,
obviously, it was late at night after all. My phone rang and
Nhlakanipho’s name flashed on the screen. I hesitated to
answer but it wouldn’t stop. Eventually I answered.

“Zee, I’m sorry.” He sounded alert then.

“I should be the one apologising for calling so late.”

“You can call anytime.” He said.

“That’s not fair to the person sleeping next to you.”

Irritation prickled my skin.
“Whoever sleeps with me knows the deal Zee.” Sleeping!
My heart rebelled at the thought. Maybe he meant sharing
a blanket for warmth. “And I’m alone now, what do you
need?” I need you.

“It’s not important.” I wasn’t going to ask him to be my

date after that.

“Baby, you called me in the middle of the night and you

never call me, so it must be important.” I ignored the lurch
of my heart at the term of endearment. The organ was
doing the most with aerobics.

“I do call you.” I insisted.

“We can check our call logs babe. I do the calling and I
initiate the texting. I’m not complaining, I understand why
you don’t trust me.”

“Nhla...”
“Baby, I know I hurt you. And you might never forgive or
trust me again. And I also know that the hurt you
experienced at the hands of that pig will stay with you for a
while. I’m not rushing but I’m hoping and praying for your
healing.” The tears I’d been fighting escaped and rushed
towards the pillow.

“I also have a part to play in the end of our relationship

Nhla.”

“You know what I’ve learned? When we fall in love with

someone, we must learn to trust them. You learn it, it
doesn’t automatically happen. When we love someone
unconditionally, we must love those frightening parts of
them just as we love the parts that are easy, beautiful, and
magnetic. Love is work Zee. I’m hoping we will get it
together eventually, to finally experience our love this
way.” The lump in my throat grew bigger as my tears
soaked my pillow.

“Are you alone now?” I croaked.

“Yes.” The timbre of his voice sent a thrill through me.

“Can I come over?”

“Yes.” He didn’t hesitate. I got up and rinsed my faced,
packed an overnight bag and dressed. Nhla called me
before I reversed out of the house. A wave of
disappointment washed over me thinking he might have
changed his mind.

“I’m about to drive out.” I said.

“Put me on speaker. I want to keep you company until you

get here.” If my heart grew any bigger I’d float away. We
chatted until I reached his gate which immediately opened
as I approached. He was waiting for me by his parking lot,
in sweats and hoodie. Even though we were in the middle
of Spring, nights were still chilly. He came around to open
my door the moment I parked and pulled me out
enveloping me in his arms. He smelled fresh as if he’d just
showered. Even in the cold night, I felt his warmth all the
way to my core. Eventually we pulled apart and he grabbed
my bag and led me to the house. We didn’t speak until we
were standing in his bedroom. His bed freshly made. He
stood then, unsure his hands in his pockets.

“I hope you don’t mind, I had company earlier.” He

looked extremely uncomfortable.
“I don’t have a right to. You are human, you have needs.”
I shrugged.

“Come to bed.” He invited then pulled off his hoodie and

toed off his shoes. Sliding under the covers in his
sweatpants and t-shirt. I appreciated the consideration.
Even though I needed to be there, I wasn’t ready for
anything else. I quickly stripped and remained with my
underwear and t-shirt. I joined him in bed, his arms
opened and he welcomed me in his cocoon. His front
curving my back. The graze of his soft lips at the back of
my neck left me shivering and his hold tightened on me.

“Night Zee.”

“Night Nhla.” Sleep creeped up on me unexpected and I

fell into a slumber.

Two Sides 16
Zuki

The rich smell of coffee wafted and filled the room, pulling
me from my sleep, best sleep I had in a while. Then I felt
the bed dip and knew I wasn’t in my own bed. My eyes
slowly opened and landed on Nhlakanipho. He cautiously
watched me as he readjusted the pillows so he was leaning
against the headboard.

“Good morning.” His raspy tone echoed in the quiet

bedroom.

“Good morning.” Sleep cleared in my head and I got up

and mimicked his position.

“I made coffee.” He grabbed a cup and passed it to me. “I

hope you still like it the same way.” I tentatively took a sip
of the hot drink and smiled at him. He made it just the way
I liked. I nodded and drank some more. I didn’t know
what to say. In the morning bright light, I questioned my
neediness and my impulse to come here. What must he
think of me? The question whirled in my mind
unanswered.
“Thank you, Nhla.” I cleared my throat. “And I’m sorry
about last night.” I trained my eyes on my cup until I felt a
soft touch on my arm.

“Don’t be. I’m always here if you need me.” I couldn’t

hold the intensity of his eyes. It made me want to climb on
him and hold on until everything else disappeared. “So,
you called for a reason or was it to get a cuddle and good
morning coffee?” mirth danced in his eyes. I chuckled.

“There was a reason but I’m not brave enough to ask face
to face.” He grabbed my almost empty cup and placed it
on the night stand. Then he slid down, lying on his side
while rearranging me to face him. His fingers traced the
side of my face.

“Tell me.” His eyes were so close and I felt their pull. The
power this man had over me was overwhelming.
I dropped my eyes to his chest, “There is Youth dance
tomorrow and I need a date.” I said the words as fast as I
could and cautiously lifted my gaze to his. He blinked,
probably trying to slow them in his head then he broke
into a wide grin.

“Are you asking me on a date?” the smile in his voice gave

me courage.
“Yes,” I winced. “I know it’s short notice but I don’t want
to go alone. I’ll hardly know anyone there.”

“I’ll go.”

“You will!”

“Yes, I’ll do anything that gives me time with you.” My

smile faltered. I was stringing him along and giving him
false hope. But at the same time I wasn’t prepared to lose
him.

“Nhla,” I sat up, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m not ready

for a relationship.”

He placed his hand over mine, stilling my fidgeting, “I

know. It would be crass of me to expect anything, right
now. You take your time and do what you need to do to
make sure you are okay. Use me if you must” He smiled.
“Even if it’s not me you want after all this, I’ll understand,
I’ll be heartbroken, yes, but I’ll understand” he ran his
hands over his face. “What I’m trying to say is that, I’m
here for you with no expectations but hope.” I nodded and
moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around him. We
lay like that for a while, until we had to get up and prepare
for work.

On Friday I drove with Nhlakanipho while Joshua and his

fiancé took the minibus with the excited kids. I was kind of
sad that Bonolo couldn’t make it. But I suspected her
family dynamics weren’t ideal. I made a mental note to find
out more from her on Sunday.

The dance was more fun than I expected. The girls wore
evening gowns and the boys were in their tuxedos. I’d been
surprised to see Nhlakanipho wearing one. When I asked
how he knew the dressed code he told me he’d asked
Joshua. The four of us sat on one table, not too far from
the kids from our branch but we let them be. We chatted,
ate and danced the night away. By the end of the evening, I
didn’t know which hurt more, my cheeks from all the
smiling and laughter or my feet, from all the dancing I did.
One thing I was sure of, I felt lighter. Like a weight had
been lifted off my shoulder.

On the drive home, the mood continued. We played music

and sang along as loud as we could. It was terrible singing
but one of my most memorable drives. He didn’t drop me
off at my house instead asked me to spend a night at his
place. He even offered a separate bedroom but I couldn’t
pass on the opportunity to be wrapped in his arms. So I
chose his bedroom. He changed into sweatpants and t-
shirt after his shower while I wore one of his t-shirts. As if
the layers of clothing would protect me from his heat.

The following morning, I woke up to something poking

my panty clad ass and for a moment my body went cold
until I realised who was draped behind me. He held me
like I was going to escape in the night. His lower body
slightly humped me while his breathing was deeper. I could
tell he was still sleeping. Had it been any other time, I
would’ve pulled my underwear down and dragged his
down, taking him but this wasn’t what it was about. It was
my place of safety and comfort and I didn’t want to lose it.

“Nhla.” He didn’t respond. “Nhla”

“Mmmmmmm.” The response was more like a drawn-out

moan. I poked him with an elbow and his body went tense.
Then he suddenly let go and jumped awake. “I’m sorry.
Fuck! I was dreaming and you felt so warm and real and...”
he frantically got off the bed, his sweatpants tented in
front. “I’m sorry.” His face looked stricken then he
marched towards the bathroom, closing the door behind
him. I didn’t even get a chance to reassure him I was fine.
This was bound to happen. I got off the bed and made it
then went to take a shower in another bathroom. I found
him in the kitchen starring into space, showered and
dressed.

“Hey.” His eyes snapped to mine at the sound of my voice.

“Hey.” There was embarrassment behind his dark eyes.

“Coffee?” I nodded. He got busy.

“Busy Saturday?” I asked as I climbed on the high chair.

“Yeah, Daniel and his dad are taking us for golf lessons.”
He pushed a hot cup towards me. “apparently it’s a skill I
need to have in business.” He leaned on the counter facing
me.

“Who is us?”

“Raj, Lunga and KG.”

“Sounds like fine. How is it going though?”

“It’s great. I’m enjoying the challenge. It’s just like we
talked about and more Zee.” The excitement in his voice
told me he was where he needed to be. And talking about
his business pulled him from his embarrassment. I loved
hearing him talk about his business. What they have
implemented and their plans for the future. His joy was
contagious. I found myself with permanent smile. All that
stayed with me as he dropped me off. Unfortunately, my
father was doing the garden and he couldn’t hide his glee
at seeing Nhlakanipho drop me off. Once Nhla drive off,
my father sprinted to the house and babbled to my mother
about where I spent the night, I didn’t have the strength to
correct them. I didn’t think they’d hear.

Bonolo wasn’t at church and it niggled at me the entire

service. Which is why after church, instead of going home
and enjoying my mother’s roast leg of lamb, I found myself
parked outside her house. I hesitated before going out of
the car. Was I ready to be this involved in her life? Even I
knew that once you took on the burden of others you
couldn’t drop it half way when it got heavy. As I
contemplated my life choices, a man walked out of the
small house and stood just outside, watching me with
suspicion. When Bonolo walked out carrying a basin,
which she nearly dropped when she spotted in me. I
regretted being there without speaking to her first but
where was I going to get a chance. I got out of the car and
went in.
“Sanibonani.” I greeted.

“Yebo,” the man responded in a questioning tone.

“Singakunceda?” I glanced at Bonolo who stood on the
side, shivering.

“I’m from The Christ’s Disciples Church. Bendizo bona u

Bonolo.” The man frowned and looked at Bonolo as if
trying to confirm if she knew me or not. Bonolo kept her
eyes trained to the ground. Three kids ran out of the house
laughing, then they also stood watching me with curiosity.
I noticed the differences right away, their clothes were
fresh and there was light in their eyes compared to the
terrified look on Bonolo and well worm clothes. “I won’t
be long, Baba, I just need a few minutes with her.” I gave
the man my most charming smile. He observed me for a
few seconds then nodded, disappearing into the house.
The other kids ran off.

I walked to Bonolo and pulled her in a hug and she visible

flinched.

“What’s wrong?” she shook her head. Averting her eyes.

“Let’s talk in your car.” She led me away from the house.
“Why are you here?”

“I was worried when I didn’t see you at church.” I noticed

a welt just below the hem of her shorts. We went around
the car and stood outside, the car shielding us from the
house. “Why did you flinch Bonolo?” she shrugged.

“Why are you here?” she asked again. “I didn’t think

church fetched people from their homes.”

“Usually they don’t, but as I said I was worried.”

“Well as you can see I’m fine?” she snapped.

“Are you?” she didn’t respond.

“Bonolo!” a woman I assumed was her mother stood in

her doorway, with a scowl on her face.

“Ngiyeza Ma.” She glanced at me. “I have to go.”

“Can you call me?” she shook her head and walked away. I
didn’t want to cause further trouble for her so I drove off.
My phone rang as I joined the main road and the speaker
picked up.

“You left church in a hurry, are you okay?” Nhlakanipho’s

concern warmed my heart.

“I’m okay but I think one of my kids in class isn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“It was just a feeling but now that I’ve seen her, I’m sure
something is wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I could hear the concern in his tone.

“I don’t know. She was nervous and I noticed some welts

on her thighs like she just had a fresh beating. And her
parents didn’t seem impressed to see me.”

“Do you think we should involve social services? How old

are they?”
“Fifteen, I think. Let me speak to Pastor Raymond first
and see what he says. I don’t want to make things worse
for her”

“I hear you but if you need to intervene then you must.

Sometimes kids don’t have anyone brave enough to
protect them.” Sometimes adults too but I had the support
system, I just didn’t use it. Then people like Mondli got
away with abuse.

“Zee, did you hear me?”

“Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment. What did

you say?”

“Do you want to chill at my place. I ordered food and we

can watch movie.” He didn’t need to convince me.

“I’m on my way.” I hung up and made a turn towards his

direction.
I arrived to work a few minutes late due to traffic. There
was an accident on the way. I didn’t get to tell Mondli that
as he chewed my ear off. But as I listened to him going on
and on, I realised I didn’t need to take this. A sense of
confidence washed over me and I felt like my old self for a
moment. He spoke and I listened then when he was done,
I nodded my head and walked away. When I found my
desk with a pile of new work that shouldn’t have come to
me. There were three of us in the department doing the
same job. I sat in front of my computer and composed an
email, I was done being his victim. I acknowledged the
work that he’d just given me and then, made an apology
that I wouldn’t get to it right away. I listed the files he’d
given me before. The one’s that were completed and
handed to him and the one’s I was currently busy with and
therefore I wouldn’t be able to get to the one’s he’d just
given me. The email has dates and references to our
previous conversations. I copied in two senior managers
and sent the email. Mondli walked in a few minutes later.

“What was that?” He was fuming. I didn’t answer him

right away as I walked to the door he’d just closed and
opened it. His eyes widened.

“A record of my work?”

“Since when do you send such on email?”

“Since, I felt victimised and bullied by my line manager.
That is how we will communicate from now on.” He
threw a dirty look at me and stormed out. Then a few
minutes later his PA came to fetch the files he’d just given
me. I acknowledged that on email either. As the week
passed, I recorded when he called me and unfortunately his
tone had calmed down a little since all our communication
was on email. If he invited me for a meeting, I
acknowledged it on email and copied in senior managers.
He was simmering but he kept his distance. By Friday the
senior managers called us in a meeting. They were
surprised by the surge of emails but they also wanted to
know why Mondli was giving me work for three people.
He fumbled his way through and I could see him sweating
as he tried to justify the unjustifiable. When he realised, he
was backed into a corner, he apologised. But I wasn’t done
with him.

My mood plummeted when I got to church. Bonolo wasn’t

there. After class as kids played I pulled Joshua aside and
spoke to him. Bonolo was new at church so he didn’t have
much information but he knew that she lived with her
mother, stepfather and three siblings nothing more. He
also advised me to speak to Pastor Raymond. There was
this fear I couldn’t shake off. Fear that she was in trouble
but I couldn’t just budge in her house and demand
answers. Church didn’t work like that.
I crashed after church, the adrenaline of the week getting
the best of me. I woke up to texts from Nhlakanipho and
my face immediately broke into a smile. He’d texted me in
the early hours of the morning returning from his night
out. I could tell they were drunk texts but they were cute. I
didn’t want to call him so early so I texted back and then
got ready for the day. Thandi was back for the weekend
and we were meeting for lunch.

“Tell me what’s been happening to you?” she asked as we

settled in with our drinks.

“Work has been pulling my tits, I accepted the church

calling and I’m working closely with your crush who is
engaged by the way.”

“Engaged not married.” She smirked.

“Thandi!”

She shrugged, “Relax, he is not my type anyway. He is too”

she waved her hand as if thinking of a word “good.” She
settled on that. “I like them bad.” I shook my head and
laughed. “Are you dating anyone? It’s been a minute since
Mondli.” I felt guilty for not telling her what happened but
every time I thought of it the shame was crippling. I just
wanted to forget that it happened.

“No one.” But Nhlakanipho’s face popped in my head and

I could feel a smile warm my face. Before Thandi could say
anything, my phone rang. I was going to ignore it until I
saw his name flashing on the screen.

“Sorry T, I have to take this. Hey!” I answered my breath

rushing out of me. My smile was automatic when I spoke
to Nhla, I didn’t even realise I was smiling.

“Sorry about the torrent of messages this morning.” He

sounded contrite. “I was missing you.” My breath caught
in my throat at his admission.

“You were?” I asked stupidly.

“All the time!”

“How is the hangover?” I avoided the intensity of this

conversation.
“Not bad hey. What you up to this afternoon?”

“I’m out with Thandi at the moment.” I looked across the

table and rolled my eyes at the smug look on her face.

“Oh.” He sounded so disappointed. “I’ll leave you to it

then.” I couldn’t have that.

“I’m free in the evening.” Thandi rolled her eyes.

“Would you like to go to the movies?” he knew I loved

Movies and my heart did a little flip.

“Yes.”

“Great,” he sounded happier. “Call me when you are done

with Thandi. It could be a late movie then you can spend a
night with me.” He softly said

“That’s a plan.” I hung up after a few seconds.

“OMG! You’ve been holding out on me!” Thandi
screamed. “Is that Nhlakanipho?” she asked as if she didn’t
already know. I nodded biting my lip. “What’s the deal
with you two?”

I took a huge breath, “When I think about Nhlakanipho, I

get butterflies. Freaking gut-turning, nervous excitement.
You know. I want to spend all my time with him. We
could be quiet or talking. Doing something or sitting idle. I
just want him around me.” I blinked fearing I might have
said too much.

“Oh my God! You are in love with him, still.”

“I never stopped.” My love for Nhlakanipho wasn’t an

issue and as of late I didn’t doubt his love for me but I
questioned my ability to love. Would I be able to love him,
right? My heart could never take another heartbreak. I
wouldn’t survive it.

“What are you going to do about it? Babes he won’t wait

forever.” I shook my head. I lacked courage. I’d been
tested so much lately that I feared the burn. I didn’t want
to throw caution to the wind like I did in the past, I wanted
to tread carefully and go in with my eyes wide open. I
moved the conversation to other things and after lunch
Thandi and I went our separate ways. I went home to
change and packed an overnight bag and waited for
Nhlakanipho to come. While I waited, I called Pastor
Raymond who suggested we give Bonolo a chance to come
to us the following day at church but if she didn’t then we
would need to pay her another visit. He told me to always
trust my gut in these situations. I at least took comfort in
that. I didn’t want to meddle in people’s lives but when the
thought was this persistent, I couldn’t let go.

The movie was probably great, I wouldn’t know. I spent

the entire two hours in cinema basking in the feel of his
hand on mine. The way he occasionally caressed his thumb
over my wrist, fired my blood in a way my body hadn’t
responded to a while. His scent, the heat of his body, his
chuckles all worked on me in the sweetest way. We
ordered dinner on the way home and when it was time for
bed, I looked forward to be held by him. And he held me
to him, and I felt safe. And the last thought before I
succumbed to sleep was this was home. I didn’t want to be
anywhere else.
Two Sides

Zuki

Some men thrived on weakness. It made them feel

superior and the fear and vulnerability we showed them
made their egos. That’s what I realised as I watched
Mondli fumble around me. Once I took charge of my life,
he looked like a pathetic fool that he was half the time. He
tried the pitiful posturing he was used to at meetings but
he ended up looking a fool. He couldn’t control me, he
didn’t know what my next move was and I knew he was
shitting his pants. And I took perverse pleasure in seeing
him sweat.

One of the man thrived on preying on the vulnerable, was

Bonolo’s stepfather. As time went, Bonolo had my
numbers. She came to church sometimes, sometimes she
didn’t. Then one day when I questioned her about a bruise,
she was trying hard to hide but failing. One of many I’ve
noticed, she told me it was him. He had a temper; he took
it out on her and her mother. So being naive and stupid,
one Sunday afternoon when I was dropping her off, the
man was walking out of their yard. I pushed the car door
opened without even thinking and confronted him.
“Bonolo, tells me you have been beating her up!” I accused
and the man’s eyes widened.

“You are one of those churches that tells us how to raise

our kids.”

“No, I am a concerned friend and her leader at church.

And when one of my students has bruises every other
week I have cause for concern.” The man leaned on his
gate and folded his arms.

“I guess you are here to tell me how I should discipline her

then.” I blinked at the calm way he was addressing me.
Also, I didn’t have an answer for him. Pastor Raymond
had warned against interfering until Bonolo explicitly asked
for help. There was only so much we could do as a church,
unless we were willing to take her on and the church didn’t
have the facilities for housing abused kids. We would have
to involved social workers and sometimes they didn’t work
to the kid’s best interests. As I stood before the
unapologetic man, I came to a realisation that he wasn’t
different from Mondli. Men like him were insecure and
could only prove their masculinity by beating the less likely
to retaliate. I hated him.
“I just think discipline can be done without inflicting
pain.”

“Do you have kids?” the way he asked, he knew I didn’t.

“No I do not have.”

“I will have this conversation with you once you have your
own.” He walked away. My eyes lifted and found Bonolo’s
angry gaze locked on mine.

“I’m sorry, I had to say something.” She shook her head.

“You just made things worse for me. I am trying to stay

under his radar until I leave this house in two years!
Church is my only escape. What if he forbids me to go
after this?” I didn’t have an answer for her. She turned
around and disappeared inside the house. As I drove off, I
realised I was angry, no, anger is too mild of a word to
describe the boiling emotions inside of me. I was livid. At
myself for how I handled that. I knew exactly how it felt to
be powerless, not because you didn’t have power but
because someone had violently stripped it off of you. I
knew the fear of feeling unsafe. Bonolo needed a safe
space not interference that wouldn’t help in any way. Most
of all I was angry at myself for allowing Mondli to get away
with so much because of shame, shame and fear I
shouldn’t feel. I was livid, at men like Mondli, like
Bonolo’s father who didn’t see anything wrong in their
doings and I wanted them to pay!
I had to deal with my shit first, even though I feared I
might have made things worse for Bonolo, I had to show
her by example that I wasn’t going to let any man get away
with abuse. My phone rang as my car swerved when I
noticed it was Bonolo calling me from the phone I had
given her. I quickly pulled over to the side of the road and
answered.

“Sis Zuki, please help!” she said with urgency in her voice.

“Where are you?”

“Down the street from my house. I’ll be joining the main

road shortly.”

“On my way.” I turned the car around almost crashing into

another car. My heart logged in my throat as I sped
towards Bonolo. I saw her, with a worn backpack on her
back, eyes trained on the ground and her shoulders
hunched as she walked along the road. I pressed a hooter
and turned the car around stopping next to her.
“Get in!” she opened the door and slid in. I couldn’t see
much of her as she wore a hoodie and jeans. But I saw the
flinch she tried to hide as she settled.

“Did he beat you up again?”

“No, my mother did.” She sniffed. “She said I was being

disrespectful for bringing people to confront him and I
was messing things for her and her kids, then she threw me
out.” Her tone sounded shocked. Like she couldn’t believe
it would be her own mother who finally threw her out of
her home. “She also found letters I’ve been hiding. Before
I had a phone I wrote letters to this girl I like.” A smile
teased her lips. “It was just so nice that she responded and
I didn’t want to burn them, you know.” She kept quiet
then and looked out the window.

“I’m sorry I messed things with your family.” Her head

snapped back to me

“No you didn’t, she found the letters this morning so she
already knew. You stood up for me, no one has ever done
that before.”
We drove in silence until we reached home. At least I
wasn’t worried about my parents not taking Bonolo in. It
was their thing, they lived for this. Bonolo’s wide eyes
scanned the house as we walked in, her steps unsure. We
found my parents sitting around the dining room table.

“Hayibo Nontombi, you just disappeared after church,

without a word.” My father exclaimed with a teasing glint
in his eye. I could guess what he assumed. That I
disappeared with Nhlakanipho.

“Not what you think Daddy.” I stepped aside revealing the

guest behind me. “This is Bonolo, she will be staying with
us for a while.” They knew of a teenager a church that I
suspected she was being abused. They didn’t have the
name but the sympathetic looks in their eyes told me
they’d connected the dots.

“Come in baby, have a seat. I’ll get you two some food.”
My mother ushered us in with a smile. I wanted to hug
parents in that instance. Bonolo smiled hesitantly as she sat
down. I followed my mother to the kitchen.

“What happened to the poor child?” My mother whispered

as she plated for Bonolo and I.
“Stepfather is physically abusive and the mom is no better.
She chased her out of the house today.” I quickly gave a
brief of what happened this afternoon then I helped her
carry the food to the dining room. We found daddy
making small talk and Bonolo seemed more relaxed than
when she came in.

“I’ll prepare a spare room for her.” My mother said when

we finished eating.

“I know you, young lady might not like this, but I’d like
Zuki to take us to your parents, we need to speak to
them.” Bonolo’s eyes widened with fear. My father patted
her hand. “Don’t be alarmed. You’ll stay behind and no
matter what happens, you will not return there until it’s
safe.” Bonolo nodded. I took her to the room she’d be
using and then I drove with my parents to her house.

It was like they’d written her off the moment they chased
her out of the house.

“You welcome to raise that perverted child if you want.

We will not let her influence our little one’s ngobutabane.”
The stepfather sneered.
“I wish I could assume you are saying all this because you
are not her biological father, but unfortunately I’ve seen
fathers and mothers like you.” My father glanced at
Bonolo’s mother. “Failing at what God intended, parenting
right. And spewing all that hatred and filth as if you have
god’s authority. Shame on you both!”

“The problem with rich people like you, you always think
you know better. I’m giving what you want. Take the damn
child. Or not. I don’t care one way or the other!” the
stepfather roared and the mother sat by her man,
unmoved.

“In that case, sign this.” My father produced a folded

paper from his back pocket. I didn’t even see it before and
I was as curios as Bonolo’s parents on what it said. “This is
a document that states, you are relinquishing all parenting
rights to Bonolo. You’ll never interfere in her life again and
if I ever see you near her, you’d be in jail with so many
charges attached to you, you won’t even know which way
is up.” My father issued this threat in a conversational
tone, you’d swear he was discussing the weather. Bonolo’s
parents seemed so eager to get rid of their burden, they
didn’t even flinch as they signed away.

“I hate people like that.” My father said with so much

passion as we got into the car, I couldn’t help but smile.
“What makes it worse is the mother, sitting by and
watching. How can she not say anything?”

“Maybe she is afraid of him.” I intoned from the back seat.

“To the detriment of her kids! I’d poison his food.” My

father glanced at my mother and shook his head.

“I’m glad I’ll never be on your bad side.” He said.

“Why did you make them sign those papers?” I asked

daddy.

“In my experience people like that don’t let go that easily.

When they see they will benefit from being in Bonolo’s
life, they will crawl back into her life. I don’t want her to
experience that.”

“So are guys okay with her staying with us?” I asked what I
should’ve from the beginning.
“We don’t have any choice baby.” My mother shrugged as
if it was as easy as picking up a favourite shoe. I wasn’t
going to argue.
The following day, my mother took Bonolo shopping. The
girl needed everything from school uniform to underwear.
Since it was almost the end of the year, she had to finish in
her old school but my parents were already discussing new
schools with her. I could see her being overwhelmed by all
the attention and if no one intervened my parents were
going to suffocate her with love.

On Monday, at work, just before lunch, a knock sounded

at my door. I prepared myself for war but to my utter
delight, the person that walked in brought a huge smile on
my face. He wore dark navy slim fitting slacks and white
shirt rolled at the sleeves. His hands were laden with
takeaway bags.

“Hey you.” I said getting to my feet and helping him close

the door.

“I was in the neighbourhood and I was hungry. You know

how I hate eating alone. And I remembered I know people
in this building.” He teased.

“In the neighbourhood huh?” Nhla raise his eyebrows.

“Are you doubting me?”

“I believe you. I mean, what reason would you have to

lie?”

“Exactly.” He walked towards me and I could feel my

heart hammering against my chest. “Hello beautiful.” He
murmured as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “Fancy,
joining me for lunch?” his eyes bored to mine as he pulled
back. I wanted him closer. I wanted his touch, his lips to
linger or maybe move to my lips.

“I’d loved to.” I breathed. He started opening the bags and

I pulled a chair next to his, so that we were sitting closer.

“What’s been happening. You seem distracted yesterday at

church?” I loved that he noticed such things about me. I
told him about Bonolo as we enjoyed lamb roti.

“That’s hectic. She is lucky you were there for her.”

“To think there are so many like her, in her situation.” He
nodded.

“We do what we can Zee, you can’t help everyone.”

“What if I could help more?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he frowned as he took a sip of his

cool drink. I wanted to iron the lines on his forehead with
my fingers.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “It’s something that has been on

my mind lately. The church should have recourses to help
the community.”

“Things like that take time and money.”

“What do you do for charity?” I asked him. I mean they

had a company, a young one I must admit but they must
have some sort of a long term plan.

“We are planning something like a charity fund, long term

though.” He echoed my thoughts. “For now we would
help with small donations, nothing that could take you
anywhere.”

“I know baby.” His face broke into a huge smile, it was

blinding. “What?”

“You called me baby.”

I threw a serviette at him “Pay attention, this is important.”

He nodded but his eyes danced with laughter. “Small
donation here, small donation there, it would work up to a
huge sum.”

“It might. There is people like, Bongani Mthimkhulu who

are probably looking to invest in such things. Bengu Inc.,
they are killing the market right now. Your dad might
know people, his company could join in. Then you have
corporate sectors, they like that sort of thing.”

“I love the way you think.”

“But babe, something like that requires hundred percent

commitment. And you still haven’t told me what you have
in mind.”
“A home for kids like Bonolo. I feel like the LBTQ
community doesn’t have a lot of safe spaces.”

“A lot of kids don’t have safe spaces in general. It’s heart

breaking but what’s common in our community is that we
raise other family members who are in need.”

“Hence my cause, these kids often get discriminated by

everyone.”

“It’s a great idea.” He got up and threw our empty

takeaway containers in the bin. “But who will run it?”

“Me.” He did a double take as he turned to face me.

“You have a job you love Zee.”

“A job I’m supposed to love. I thought it would be

fulfilling but it’s not. I hate it here and I honestly don’t
enjoy what I do.” He returned to his seat and faced me.
“It pays you well. Besides you can come work with us.
You’ll be happy there.”

I sighed. I sounded ungrateful but this was something I

had been thinking about. “I feel so passionate about this
Nhla.”

“Then what can I do?”

“I don’t know. For now, it’s an idea. I have to speak to

mom and daddy. They are my security blanket.

“I’d like to think in future I might be yours.”

“I know. I hope so too.” I wanted the future he was seeing

with all my being. The more time passed the more my
excuses sounded weak and feeble in my ears. My reasons
for not being with him were starting to make less and less
sense. “Speaking of Bengu Inc., did you finally lock him to
be your architect?”

He shook his head, “Daniel and Raj had a meeting with

him, apparently we are not his target market. Whatever
that means.”
“Maybe it’s his way of saying, you can’t afford him.” I
snickered.

“He is too full of himself, if you ask me.”

“He should be, the man is single, rich and gorgeous.”

Annoyance flashed in Nhlakanipho’s eyes. He knew how I
felt about the elusive Gcobani Bengu. I mean we studied
the man’s art back in Uni and the articles of him didn’t do
him justice. Seeing on TV was even better.

“Whatever.” He stood “I have to go. Maybe next time

Bengu will bring you lunch.” I grabbed his arm and halted
his movement.

“I’m joking. He can never hold a candle to you.” He

smiled sheepishly. “I mean it. You are a beautiful man
Nhlakanipho, in and out and I’m so lucky to have you.”
My eyes stung and I blinked away the tears. He pulled me
in his arms and gave me a bear hug. “I was also thinking of
telling my parents what happened to me and reporting
Mondli.” I said pulling apart.
“About damn time!” he squeezed my shoulders. “Do you
want me to be there when you do it.” I shook my head.

“I need to do this on my own.” He nodded.

“Call me afterwards.”

“I will. Thank you for this visit and for lunch.”

“You are welcome.” I watched him leave my office with a

smile on my face but then it dimmed when I thought of
what I needed to do. My parents will be heart broken.
Two Sides 18

Zuki

Dread settled in my tummy on the way home. I don’t

know who I was terrified for, myself or my parents. Deep
down I knew I worried for them. They were not about to
drop down and die from shock, but they’d be hurt. They
were not fragile by any means. My father was 50 and my
mother 48, so they were still in good health but I still
worried for them. How they would take the news of their
daughter’s abuse but the fear wouldn’t deter me. It felt like
a veil had been lifted off my eyes and what remained was
anger and need for justice. I found Bonolo sitting at the
dining room table, various books opened before her. She
had earphones on as I got closer I noted that she had a
new phone, wearing new clothes. Clearly, my parents went
all out. I didn’t want to startle her, so I went until I was
standing in her view and waved. She shyly smiled at me as
she removed her earphones.

“Hey, you are back.”

“I am, and you look busy. How was your day?”
“It was great. Your mom is awesome. And your dad too.”
“Yeah, I won the parent lottery.” She smiled. “Did you get
to school?”
“Yep, we started there. Your parents informed the teachers
what was up and then they took me shopping. Like I have
an entirely new wardrobe and everything.” Her eyes
watered. “My own room, with a study desk. Things I
thought I’d never have. Not at this age anyway. Thank you,
sis Zuki.” I squeezed her shoulder. “I’m so scared though.”
I frowned and pulled a chair next to hers, “Why?”
“What if my parents come and ruin this for me.” Her
panicked eyes implored mine. “I’d rather die than return
there. Especially after I’ve seen the glimpse of what home
looks like.” She wiped the tear that strayed.
“I won’t let that happen. Bonolo, you have me and my
parents. Trust me, they will protect you with all they have.”
She nodded and I pulled her in a hug. My parents walked
in their faces creased in a frown as they spotted us.
“Is she okay?” Mommy asked. I nodded and then let
Bonolo go.
“I’m okay, mama,” Bonolo said as my mother sucked in
her breath at being called, mama. It was probably a sign of
respect from Bonolo but I know it meant a lot for the
woman who thought I was enough but had always yearned
for more kids.
“Bonolo, could you please finish your studies in your
room, I need to speak to them for a bit.” She nodded and
collected her stuff.
“She is a good kid.” My father noted as we watched
Bonolo disappear towards her room.
“She is daddy, thank you to both of you for making this
happen.” They both waved me off.
“We are just proud of our daughter,” my mother said.
“Sometimes kids that have grown up with privilege can be
out of touch with reality.” I shifted, uncomfortable. At
times, I hadn’t been aware or even conscious of how I
conducted myself. I suppose that’s growth.
I took a deep breath and looked at my parents, sitting
across from me, watching me, and realised I was never
ready to deliver the news I was about to. I would never be
ready but it had to be done. The doorbell rang just as I was
to open my mouth. My father excused himself while I took
a breath from the momentary relief.
“Are you okay?” my mother asked in a concerned tone.
“I’m nervous about what I need to tell you.”
“There is nothing you tell us can ever change the way we
feel about you, baby.”
“I know mommy.” I smiled. I knew this but it didn’t make
things or rather what I was about to tell them palatable.
“Look who’s paying us a late visit.” My father announced
and I looked up to find Nhlakanipho following him. I
would have fallen over with relief had I not been sitting.
“Hello, Nhla.” My mother looked between us. “Okay, does
the news you want to tell us involve him?” Nhla pulled a
chair beside me and squeezed my hand, while daddy sat
next to his wife. Their hopeful expressions on their faces
gutted me. With another encouraging squeeze from Nhla, I
dove into it.
“A while back, I was dating Mondli, he is also my
manager.” Their expressions dimmed and their brows
furrowed. “I didn’t tell you because I just didn’t think he
was worthy to meet you but I was trying to move on with
my life.” I swallowed and glanced at Nhla, who had moved
closer as if shielding me with his body. “Then a few
months back, he assaulted me in his home.” My mother
gasped. My father’s eyes hardened.
“How?” he growled.
“He, he…” I swallowed and Nhla wrapped his arm around
my shoulder. “He beat me.” Daddy closed his eyes as mom
teared up. “And raped me.” I didn’t recognise my father
when he opened his eyes. They were filled with what I
could assume was deadly intent. My mother moved around
and went on her knees before me.
“Oh, baby. Why didn’t you tell us? Come here.” She pulled
me down in her embrace. Her body shook as she wept and
I let out the tears I didn’t think I had. I’d cried a river over
what happened but clearly, the wound had just scabbed
over. It cracked open now, bleeding all over again. There
were more hands on me. Squeezing, patting, and
reassuring. As I pulled from my mother’s embrace I felt
lighter, like a load had been lifted from my shoulders.
Daddy stood beside me and pulled me to my feet. He was
far taller than me. His bulk always made me feel protected.
He cupped my face and wiped my tears off. I saw the
unshed tears in his eyes, the pain, the anguish, and the
anger.
“Did you report him?’ I shook my head. “Tell anyone?” I
shook my head. He nodded. Then headed to his safe.
“Douglass what are you going to do?” my mother asked in
a panic.
“I’m going to kill him.” He flatly stated and we all looked
at him with panic. I wouldn’t mind the bastard dying but I
didn’t want my father in trouble for it.
“Baba, let’s sit and think about this.” Nhlakanipho
reasoned. My father pulled out a gun, I never thought he
had, and tucked it on the inside of his pants.
“Nothing to think about son. He violated my baby. No
man does that Nhlakanipho. Not while I’m still alive.” My
mother reached for him and held his hands.
“I know you are angry baby, but this is not the way.”
“What do you suggest I do!” he roared.
“Report him to the police!” my mother snapped. “Or
better yet ask your daughter what she wants to do! She just
told us traumatic news and you are acting like a constipated
bear!” Had the situation been any different I would’ve
asked what a constipated bear looked like. But it wasn’t
that time.
“I can’t.” My father’s voice broke and he collapsed in my
mother’s arms. “I can’t let him get away with this.” My
tears renewed.
“We won’t daddy I promise.” He took a deep breath as he
pulled apart from my mother’s embrace. He came to me
then, crushed me in his arms.
“What can I do?” he asked his voice raw.
“Let’s sit and talk, daddy please.”
“I’ll make tea,” Nhlakanipho offered. We waited in silence.
My parents watched me as if I was going to splinter into a
million pieces.
“So, this is what you were going through a while back.” My
mother broke the silence. I nodded.
“I was so ashamed to tell you and at the same time, I was
worried how you’d react.”
“We are your parents. Here for it all, baby, the good the
bad, and the ugly.” She reassured. “You never go through
something like that alone, baby. Never.”
“Where is the bastard.” My father asked. Nhlakanipho
interrupted with the tea and served us in silence and
resumed his seat next to me. His presence was comforting,
giving me the courage to bare it all. I told my parents the
entire sordid details of my trauma. What Mondli had been
doing at work, and that fuelled my father’s anger and even
my mother stopped trying to stop him. She wanted to go
with him and promised to help him bury the body.
Nhlakanipho acted as a buffer and a calming voice. He had
months to deal with what my parents were bombarded
about within a couple of hours. They seemed to age before
my eyes and by the time I was done, my dad was
convinced he was right to take matters into his own hands.
“We won’t get far in court, trust me. Not if he has a good
lawyer. They will probe holes until they break you apart in
that courtroom.”
“Maybe more people will come forward,” Nhlakanipho
suggested.
“Are you willing to take that chance with my baby? Courts
will be brutal, Nontombi.” He sighed. “I know people,
baby, not the courts. That is a different beast.”
“We could get him fired,” I said, feeling defeated.
“It’s his word against yours and without a case, you have
no proof.” He ran his hands through his hair, a sign of
frustration. “I’ve sat in these hearings and they always
tricky. Companies protect themselves against lawsuits,
therefore they won’t take anything other than solid tight
evidence.”
“Then what do you suggest we do Douglass!” my mother’s
patience had run out.
“You let me take care of it.” There was silence in the room
as we digested the weight of my father’s words.
“Do it!” My mother said. “Just don’t let it come back to
you!” she warned.
“Mommy! Daddy. Can I just try the court thing and see
how far we go? I don’t want you to get into trouble
because of me.”
“Nontombi, trust me. I am your father, it’s my job to
protect you not the other way. And I know what I’m
doing.” I nodded because this was my father who always
kept his word. He stood and grabbed his jacket hanging at
a back of a chair. Nhlakanipho followed him. My father
stopped him. “Where the hell do you think you are going?”
“With you, Baba. I want to see that dog pay as much as
you do.” He stood in a stubborn stance that made me love
him. Fall irrevocable in love with him. My father grabbed
his shoulders
“I can’t let you do that. Your place is here, with her.
Please.” Nhlakanipho ground his jaw but nodded. He
wouldn’t say no, not after that, please. We watched my
father leave, then settled for a long wait. Already it was
almost 10 pm, we’d spent hours rehashing my trauma and
I was tired. Bone crushed, and heart sore.
“I’ll make more tea.” My mother didn’t wait for our
response as she left for the kitchen.
“How are you feeling?” Nhla softly asked. His arms
around my shoulder, while his handheld mine.
“Tired, relieved and so happy that you are here.”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I love you Zuki.” His eyes
were so close to me, so sincere. I drowned in his love, in
his truth as I searched them. I knew then without a shadow
of doubt in my heart and in my bones, he loved me and I
loved him just the same.
“I love you too,” I said. He blinked as if he never expected
such a response. “It has always been you Nhla.”
“It has always been you, Zee. You have my heart always.
Whether you want it or not.”
“I want it.” I cupped his jaw. Playing with the growth of
hair. Loving the friction under my hand. “I want all of it.”
“Then, marry me.” It was my turn to blink. Was I
imagining things or hearing things? I’ve been dealing, it’s
possible, but when the warmth was suddenly gone I had a
moment to think it had only been a dream but Nhla only
got up so he could kneel at my feet. He pulled out a small
rectangular box from his pocket and flipped it open.
Revealing a solitaire diamond ring nestled between the
velvet folds. I had never seen anything more beautiful.
“Baby, I know we have a long way to go. To get to know
each other but there is nothing in this world that would
make me stop loving you. You are my end game, the one I
want to spend my life with. Share my joys and my sorrows.
My successes and my failures, although I hope there will be
few of those. Marry me, baby.” I wiped my face, realising
tears were streaming down my face.
“Yes.” I croaked. “Yes, I will baby. I’ll marry you.” He
beamed, radiating joy from within through his eyes. He put
the ring on my wedding finger with shaking hands.
“I was supposed to ask your dad first for his permission.”
He sniffed.
“He would have granted it with pleasure.” We both turned
to see, my mother standing in the doorway with a huge
smile on her face. “I guess congratulations are in order.”
She was holding a tray with a canister that I knew had my
father’s best whiskey and three glasses. I never drank in
front of my parents and I didn’t think they knew I drink. “I
don’t know about you but I could use something
stronger.” We looked at each other and shrugged, grabbing
a glass each. We all moved to the lounge, and I sat in the
crook of Nhlakanipho’s arm. Basking in his warmth and
luxuriating in the feeling of being loved.
Time ticked on at a slow pace and our jovial conversation
over my engagement was soured by the silence from my
father. No one voiced the worry I knew we all felt.
Eventually, my mother dosed off on the couch, and
Nhlakanipho and I kept watch. It was the early hours of
the morning when my father walked in looking haggard.
“You are still up?” surprise lit his eyes.
“Yes.” My mother yawned from the couch. “Should we be
worried.” My dad smiled, a devilish smile that sent shivers
down my spine. He walked to his wife, now standing, and
cupped her face.
“Nothing to worry about mfazi wam.” He kissed her on
the forehead. Nhlakanipho and I watched as they led each
other to their room. “You better get some sleep you two,
you have a long day ahead of you.”
“So, that’s it?” Nhlakanipho looked at me his confusion
clear. “He is not going to tell us anything?”
I shrugged. “Seems that way. Come, let’s go to bed.” I
took his hand in mine and led him to my bedroom.
Two Sides 19

Zuki

Work day was long. I was exhausted from sleeping so late

and my nerves were shot. Woke up to find Daddy gone. I
didn’t have time for twenty questions because I was late.
Even if I was thinking of leaving the company, I was still a
professional and I didn’t want to ruin my reputation.
Mondli was a no show. No one knew where he was. And
my heart beat found no peace. Was he dead? How did I
feel about that? And when I really thought about, I wasn’t
bothered. My only worry was my father. My desk phone
rang, nearly startling me off my chair. I needed to get a
grip. I should never be a witness to anything, evidently I
would spill before they even formulated a question.

“Zukiswa, please come to my office.” The department’s

senior manager barked the moment I answered.

“Yes ma’am.” She hung up. My throat dried and my hands

began to sweat. I picked up my phone and called Mommy.
“Yes baby.” She answered as if I wasn’t worried sick that
her husband was about to get caught for murder.

“Is Daddy back?” I hissed.

“No, but he called and told me he was okay. Handling

things.”

“What do you mean handling things?”

“Zukiswa, calm yourself. He is fine. We are fine.”

“The senior manager just called me to her office.”

“Then go to her office! Child, pull yourself together.”

When did my parents become so gangster?

“Okay. Okay.” I took a deep breath and hung up. A glance

at Mondli’s office, I told me it was closed. His PA sat in
front of her desk, typing away. Everyone else was going
about their business, oblivious to the brewing storm. I
knocked once and waited to be called in. When she did, I
didn’t want to go in. ‘Zuki you are being ridiculous right
now. Even if the man was dead, they would have no way
of connecting it to you or your father. Plus, work wouldn’t
get involved. Maybe be the police!’ I shook my hands and
pushed the door open. There was a woman sitting with the
senior manager.

“Oh, Hi Zukiswa. Come in. This is Mrs Zondo.” My heart

lurched at the surname. “Mondli’s wife.” He was married?
My heartbeat escalated. I wasn’t sure whether with
renewed anger or betrayal.

“Hello, Mrs Zondo.” I said to the woman instead. She

looked well put together for someone who had just lost
her husband. Pretty too.

“Hello Sisi.” She softly responded.

“Mrs Zondo, is here to report that her husband turned

himself in at the police station this morning.”

“What?”
“I know; I can’t believe it myself? I mean I thought he was
a stand up guy.” The manager seemed more gutted than
the wife.

“Do we know what happened?” It would be appropriate to

ask right? I didn’t care I wanted to know.

“Rape and assault.” The wife mumbled.

“Do you know who?” At this point I wasn’t even

breathing. The woman shook her head.

“Zukiswa please take her to his office. She wants to collect

some personal items. I didn’t want to send her with
security.” The manager winced.

“Of course. This way ma’am.” She stood and silently

followed me to his office. I jumped when I heard the door
close behind me and whirled around to find Mrs Zondo
frowning at me

“What did you do to?”

I swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“He told me about you.” She waved a shaky finger at me.

“Right after he confessed to a recent woman he raped and
assaulted. He mentioned you, that I should come and ask
you to go see him.”

“I don’t know. He was my boss.” I shrugged as if my

insides weren’t turning. The woman sagged and plopped
into a chair.

“I should be relieved.” She mumbled

“Excuse me?” she waved me off.

“I should be relieved but I’m worried about our kids.” I

could feel my eyes rounding.

“Oh, how many kids do you have?”

“Three.” Three. He was married with three fucking kids!

The swine!
“That’s a lot.” I blurted.

She snorted. “You telling me. How will I support them

when he got his ass in jail? I always knew his violent
temper would get him into trouble. You know.” No I
didn’t know but I listened. “He beat me all the time, the
only time he stopped was when I was pregnant. So, I made
sure to get pregnant. I knew he was itching to do it lately
but the baby was still so small.” This was too much
information for my shocked brain.

“I’m sorry Mrs Zondo.”

She sighed. “It’s what it is. He said he had cash in a safe

here.” I looked around the office. I didn’t know he had a
safe. His wife went for one of the cupboards opened it and
there was a safe inside. She used a combination and pulled
out stack of cash. She shook her head “I guess this is the
money he didn’t want me to know about.”

“What does he want it for?”

“Bail. But I’m not posting it. I’m taking my kids far away
from here.” She put the money in her bag and headed for
the door. “And Zukiswa?” I looked up. “I know you are
probably one of his victims, even if he didn’t say it. I’m
sorry.” I didn’t want to know how she knew. Did I have
victim stamped on my forehead?

“Not your fault.” I muttered and she nodded and left. I

stood for a few minutes watching the vacant space. Then I
suddenly needed to know. I called my dad while walking to
my office. He answered just as I closed the door and
locked just for good measure.

“Nontombi.” He sounded so calm.

“Daddy, what happened?”

“You are not going to ask how your old man is doing?” the
man could be annoying.

“Daddy!”

“Nontombi.”

“How are you?” I gritted.

“Oh, I’m super. I could be better you know. A certain man
could have paid for his sins a while back had my baby girl
trusted me to protect her.” I sighed because I had known
once the shock, anger and pain had simmered down, he’d
come down on me for not telling him.

“It wasn’t that daddy. I’m sorry.”

“We will talk when you get home.”

“But what happened with, Mondli?” I whispered his name

like someone would hear.

“Oh, the man had too many skeletons in his closet. In my

experience once someone does this, and gets away with it,
he does it again. After you, there was another victim, we
were fortunate to catch him as walked out of her house.”

“We?”

“Friends of mine.”
“You worked fast daddy, I only told you last night.”

“Well, I would’ve beat the truth out of him but as I said,

when we tracked and located him, he was just stepping out
of the latest victim house. He went to threaten her to drop
the charges. I’m sure you know her she works in your
company.” Shame washed over me. I let this man go and
he was able to hurt someone else. Had I reported him, I
would’ve spared this woman the hurt and pain.

“Then what happened?”

“This woman had a solid case, DNA evidence and such

but it could’ve been tricky as he claimed they were dating.
But wouldn’t have been able to justify the beating. He
bought the docket and the case would have disappeared
had we not intervened.”

“How do you know all this daddy?”

“The woman in question told us for the most part. But the
rest we had to delicately extract it from the bastard. The
integration worked, not only did he confess with what he
did to you and so many women, he offered to turn himself
in.” I frowned. Mondli didn’t strike me like a person who
would volunteer anything and especially give himself up.

“Daddy?”

He chuckled. “The man, has a soft spot for a part of his

anatomy. He didn’t want to sacrifice it and he may love his
kids and his mother. A threat to them had the man
hyperventilating and begging for a phone to call the cops
himself. But I already had one ready for his confession.
More charges will come if he tries to worm his way out of
this one.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah.”

“So, it’s over?”

“For now it is. Unless you want me to kill him. I can easily
arrange it,”

“Daddy?” I huffed.
“I’m just saying. Nothing will ever be enough for what he
did to you, baby.”

“I’m okay now, Daddy. I promise.”

“I’m not. But that’s not your problem. I’ll see you at home,
Nontombi.”

“I love you, daddy.”

“I love you too.” He hung up and I realised I hadn’t told

him about my engagement. That news needed face to face.
I called Nhlakanipho because I couldn’t hold in the
information I just received. Also I missed him. I was
suddenly thirsty for his company and a whole lot more.

“Hello sthandwa sam.” He answered.

I smiled “That’s a new one.”

“You are my love, are you not?” my smile got bigger.

“Yes, I am.”

“How are you?”

“I miss you.” I heard his sharp intake of breath.

“Where are you?” he voices dipped.

“At work.”

“Don’t you want to take a half day?” My heart leapt. This

call wasn’t going the way I intended. It was getting better.

“I can.”

“Good, meet me at my place in an hour.” My pussy

clenched as if it knew the intent of this meeting. “Oh and
Zee?”

“Yes.” I whispered.
“I miss you so fucking much. Make it fast.” He hung up.
My hand trembled as I dialled on my phone, calling the
woman, I just saw earlier.

“Zuki, is Mrs Zondo sorted?”

“Yes, maam. I was wondering if I could get a half day.”

She was quiet for a second.

“I’m sorry Zuki, I’d forgotten that you and Mondli were
close.” I cringed. I’d forgotten that people had known
about my affair. Which is what it was in light of the news
that he was married. “Take a day or two to regroup. I’ll
inform HR.” I wasn’t expecting that.

“Thank you maam.” I hung up and grabbed my stuff. I ran

out of the office as if bees were on my tail. I didn’t feel the
drive to Nhlakanipho’s. He was stepping out of his car as I
pulled up. He didn’t wait for me to switch off the engine
before he was yanking my door open. He practically
dragged me out of the car and his lips were on mine. He
pushed me against the car, as my hands clawed at his back.
My need for him felt like a living breathing thing in my
veins, I wanted him with such intensity my ears buzzed. I
matched his fervent kiss with vigour. I whined when he
nipped at my lip, his hips bucking up against me like he
couldn’t help himself.

I gripped him tighter, as he rocked his lower body against

mine, his erection slotting in my groin with only thin layers
of cotton between us. Nhla dragged his mouth away, biting
at my earlobe and I let out an un-lady like sound. I never
claimed to be one anyway.

“I want you,” he rasped, his warm breath sending tingles

throughout my body. I nodded. My throat too dry to
speak. He placed his hands below my ass and lifted me up.
With my legs wrapped around his waist, I clung to him.
Planting kisses along his neck, jaw and ears as he carried
me to the house. We were probably making a spectacle of
ourselves in the complex but I didn’t care. I was horny and
I about to burst if he didn’t get inside me. Once we got
into the house I slid off him as he cupped my face and
tilted my head.

“I want to take this slow.” His hands moved lower and he

began to unbutton my blouse while I ran my hands up and
down his arms. “And savour every moment of this, Zee.”
His hands shook. “But I can’t. I need you so much.” He
gripped my shirt hard and tore it apart. Buttons flying
everywhere.
“Take me, baby. I need you so bad. “I begged. He
wrapped his hand at the back of my neck and brought our
lips together. My pussy throbbed and had I not been this
deranged with need I would be embarrassed at how wet I
was. I couldn’t wait anymore and fumbled with his belt.
When I couldn’t seem to get anywhere he helped. Then I
was fishing out his hot and steely member. He slit leaked
and I swallowed the drool. I didn’t know whether to drop
to my knees and worship him or have him inside me. He
took that decision away from me when he pulled my skirt
up and dragged my panties down. My knees were giving in
but the couch was too far and the bedroom was in another
planet. I clung to his shoulder with one arms while
stroking him with the other. His fingers found my
drenched core and I let out a loud scream against his lip.

“Now Nhla.” I repeated the phrase in soft pleas. Then I

was on the floor, the tiled surface hard against my back. I
didn’t care. I spread my legs, like a hoe in heat. My pussy
lips contracted when I felt he tip of his dick at my
entrance. Then he was sliding in and my body was sucking
him deep, my walls gripping hard.

“Fuck baby, I’m not going to last.” He groaned the words

against my ear.
“Move baby, please fuck me.” I panted. He grunted and
began bucking his hips like a possessed man. I didn’t care
about his needs, I needed him to topple him over the edge.
I was close. I had been starved of him, of his touch for
months. The need was beyond me, uncontrollable, it
threatened to consume me and splinter me into pieces. His
strokes got deep and faster as he fucked me into the floor.
My hand on his ass and my knees locked around his waist,
showed that I wasn’t letting go. My need built and built
and then heat was travelling down my spine, my toes
curling as I let out an inhuman cry. My body locking the
shuddering against his. I saw starts behind my closed
eyelids. His heavy breath and groaning against my neck
while he held my ass to him as he pounded me told me he
wasn’t far behind. My body vibrated as his locked. Spilling
deep into my core. Then the room was only filled with
heavy breathing as we both gathered our strength.

“We need to get off the floor.” I panted. He chuckled, his

cock still throbbing inside of me.

“I don’t think I can.” His speech was laboured. He turned

his head and his eyes locked with mine. His eyes glazed
over with the remnants of his need. “I want you in a bed.”
I could feel him growing thicker inside of me. When my
inner walls squeezed, I knew then I wouldn’t object. I
nodded. My clothes damp with sweat sticking to me.
“Then take me to bed.” I whispered, tracing his jaw, his
lips and anywhere I could touch him I couldn’t get enough.

“I don’t think I can make it.” He said flipping us around so

he was on his back. He pulled off my blouse while I gentle
moved on top of him. Gyrating my hips. Luxuriating in the
feel of him. My bra followed my blouse as he threw it
carelessly to the side. Then he pulled the skirt bunched
around my waist off. I was left naked while he remained
fully clothed with only his dick inside of me. He touched
my body then. Running his hands over my chest, cupping
my breasts and playing with my pebbled nipples. My abs
contracted as his hands travelled lower. He traced every
inch of my body as he fucked me. I abandoned all
thoughts and just felt. His touch, his strokes, his words
spilling from his mouth fired my blood. He talked to me.
Told me how much he loved me, how he missed me. How
he missed the feel of my pussy on him, the sounds I made
and how I responded to him. It felt like a worship song. I
drowned in it and then when words weren’t enough, his
body did the talking as he fucked me. The rooms echoed
my screams and his grunts. And when we both finally
reached our climax, we clung to each other as if we would
never let go.

“I don’t want this to end. Ever!” he whispered the against

my ear.
“It won’t. I love you.” I promised. Then a knock at the
door shattered the small intimate bubble.

Two Sides 20

Nhlakanipho

“Who is that?” Zuki’s eyes widens. I’m still inside her and
as she speaks she clenches around me. I curse whoever is
the door. I want to this over and over until both of us can’t
move.

“If we keep quite maybe they’ll go away.” I whisper. The

sharp knock sounds again. With more urgency this time.

“You better get that.” Zuki climbs off me and sprints

towards the bedroom. I have a perfect view of her perfect
ass, smooth legs and graceful back. Everything about her is
beautiful. God I have missed her. I tuck myself in, wincing
at the mess. I don’t have time for a clean-up. I pull out my
shirt and leave it untucked. I probably look like what we
just did but I can’t be bothered. It’s been the best sex of
my life. I feel like I just reconnected with my soulmate.
Mh, I just did. I interrupt the knock when I yank the door
open.
“Oh Makhi.” I can feel my eyes widening at the sight of
my neighbour. I don’t know his name. We usually greet
and pass each other. On a good day we will make small
talk.

“Makhi. Your guest left these inside the car.” He dangles

Zuki’s car key. I quickly grab them from him.

“Aah, thank you man.” He gives me a knowing smirk.

“She must have been in a hurry.” I don’t give him the

satisfaction of acknowledging his jab. I have humour but
we’re not about to make fun of my woman. God I love the
feel of that. My woman. She is all mine.

“Listen, man. I got go, but thank you.”

“No sweat man.” He winks and walks away. I quickly walk

out and check the cars, they are both locked. My keys are
inside my pants pocket. I grab my wallet and phone and
return to the house. I can hear the shower running and I
quickly order food before I join Zee. I shed off my clothes
and open the shower door. She stands under the shower
spray, her back to me. Water pelts on her shoulders and
travels down her spine. She turns around at the touch of
my hand.

“Who was at the door?”

“One of my neighbours. You left the keys in the car.”

“Yeah well, there were more pressing things.” Her eyes

brighten as she grabs my filling erection. “Like this.” She
begins with slow strokes.

“At this rate I think it will come off.” It’s a feeble attempt
at protest. I’m already squeezing her ass globes. “How
about we finish our shower, then take this to the
bedroom.” I’m not a fan of shower sex. I always have this
fear; one wrong move equals a broken neck.

“How about I do this instead?” she drops to her knees. My

body is shielding her from the pelting water. Her strokes
become bold and I’m hard as if I didn’t just come twice in
the past hour. She runs her tongue on my tip. “You taste
so good.” She murmurs. Her breath is hotter than the
shower steam. I watch as her lips stretch around me, and
then she is slowly swallowing me. She uses her hand on the
part she can’t swallow. I lose my mind when she begins to
bob her head, her tongue does things that leaves my spine
tingling. She is stunning. With her knees widened and her
other had stroking between her legs. Her pert breast
bounce as she works me over. Her mouth is warm, wet
and feels like a hoover. I thought it would take longer for
me to cum but I was wrong. I can feel my climax building.
The sight of her on her knees, wanton, is driving me
insane.

“Baby.’ I’m close. I place my palm against the tiled wall. I

need the balance as my knees begin to tremble. She
doubles her effort and swallows me down as far as
possible. Then she hums, the vibrations toppling me over.
I hold her head in place and fight not to buck into her as
my release rips out me. Her throat works as she swallows
and the shower echoes with my grunts. Her lips look
swollen as I slip out of her.

“Come here?” I pull her up and slant my lips against hers

and get a taste of myself. Her hand is still between her legs.
I switch off the shower and pick her up, heading to the
bedroom. Then she is on her back with me between her
legs. I gentle part her glistening folds and her swollen nub
pulsates. I take a swipe with my tongue and her back
arches off the bed.
“I’m close Nhla. Please.” She begs. I give her what she
needs. Eating her out as if she is my only meal. I’ve never
done this with anyone but her. My previous lovers may
have called me selfish but this is something I’ve always
seen as intimate. The sex I had with them was just a way to
release. I lap and suck, until she is contacting against me,
screaming my name. My jaw maybe locked but I feel like a
king of the world right now as I slide up her limp body.

“My knees are wrecked.” She mumbles as I plant a soft

kiss on her pliant lips.

“Just the knees?” she chuckles.

“I’m numb, and thoroughly satisfied my love, but I could

use a nap and food.”

“Food first.” Just then the doorbell rings. “And right on

time. I’ll be right back.” I quickly grab sweat pants and a t-
shirt. Leaving her sprawled on the bed. The sight of her
opened to me has me twitching in my pants even though
with no power behind it. I quickly open for the delivery
guy and grab the food. Passing the kitchen for plates, and
drinks. I load everything in a tray. I find her in the same
position I left her. She does scoot up and lean against the
headboard when she sees me walk in.
“What did you get?” she asks reaching for a drink.

“Chinese, I know how you love their sweat and sour

noodles. But I also got us wings on the side.”

“Man after my heart.” She grabs a take away box and a

fork.

“I thought I already had your heart.” I grab my own food

and sidle up next to her.

“Always baby.” We eat and chat about the scum that is her
boss. Or should I say ex-boss. From what she tells me, she
confirms what I already knew. The man is an asshole.

“I’m so pissed that I didn’t know he was married.” She

puts the empty container on the side and grabs a few
wings.

“If he was hiding it, how were you supposed to know.”

“My gut told me, I just didn’t listen to it.” She sighs.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that baby. I feel if

everything hadn’t gone down with Aza, you wouldn’t have
gone through that.” I link her fingers with mine.

“I think we were meant to go through all of that so that we

can appreciate what we have.” I clear the empty containers
and place them on the nightstand, then I gather her in my
arms. He feels good against my chest. “Not fair, I’m the
only one naked.” She runs her fingers on my arm that rests
against her chest.

“I can remedy that.” I quickly strip and re-join her on the

bed.

“Baby.”

“Mmh.” I’m almost drifting off.

“We have to go tell daddy we are engaged.” This

effectively clears the fog of sleep.
“Okay, we should get ready.”

“In a moment, I want to nap in your arms.” She says

burrowing deeper against my chest with her arms wrapped
around my waist. God she feels good. I’m never letting her
go.

“Okay, just a few seconds.” We both drift off and we later

wake to another loud knock and the room has fallen into
darkness. I gently extricate myself from her and dress
again. I’m not sure why my house is suddenly popular. I’m
struck speechless as I wrench the door open and my heart
clenches so hard I fear a heart attack. I actually grab my
chest just to make sure all is intact.

“Hello, Nhlakanipho.” I blink and no, she is not a figment

of my imagination. I am not dreaming and judging by my
galloping heart, I’m wide awake. For a second I’m wildly
happy to see her, alive and well but then I remember that
she hasn’t kept in touch for almost a year. Not even an
‘I’m okay’ text and then I remember Zuki and my heart
legit stops because this might mess with that. And I’d
rather die than let that happen.

“What do you want Aza?” I internally cringe at my harsh

tone.
“Is that a way to greet your best friend?”

“Best friends don’t disappear from each other’s lives

without a word.” The smile on her face falters.

“Are you going to let me in?”

“This isn’t a good time.” It’s bad, terrible, poor timing!

Jesus, can I not get a break!

“Nhla, baby where are you?” my eyes momentarily close

when I hear Zuki’s voice approaching. I’m about to be
fucked and not in a good way.

“We have a guest baby.” I glare at Aza and step aside to let
her in. She hesitates for a second and when I raise my
eyebrow she walks through. I take a deep breath trying to
calm my nerves. I’m not nervous. I’m terrified. Scared
shitless of losing Zuki again and with my so called BFF
arrival, it might just happen.
“Oh.” Zuki comes to a halt the moment she sees who
comes through. Her entire face dims and the light that had
shone in her eyes earlier, is snuff out. She is wearing the
shirt I wore earlier and it goes to her mid-thigh. I want to
walk to her and shield her from the pain I see in her eyes.
The two women face each other both wringing their
hands. Zuki swallows and glance at me her eyes pleading.
I’m also waiting for the ticking time bomb to explode.
“Hello, Aza.” She finally lets out.

“Hi, Zukiswa.” Another awkward silence. We all stand. I

want to go to Zuki but to do that. I’ll have to pass Aza
who seems caught in the middle of us. The door, is right
there, maybe an escape would be much easier. Don’t be an
idiot Nhlakanipho. This is your mess. Sort it out. My inner
voice admonishes.

“I didn’t know you were back.” Zuki’s eyes dart to mine.

“I’m as surprised as you are baby.” I quickly reassure.

“How cute.” Aza drawls seemingly stepping out of

whatever momentary awkwardness she felt. I watch he
move to the living room. “Can we talk?” she looks at me.
“I’ll get out of your way.” Zuki turns to leave. I chase after
her and grab her arm.

“No, stay please.” She searches my eyes. I don’t know

what she sees but she nods her head and I link our hands
together and lead her to the lounge. We sit in a two seater,
facing Aza. It feels weird to be looking at her like an
enemy. But my instincts tell me her presence will threaten
my budding love and I can’t allow that.

“I see; congratulations are in order.” Aza eyes land on our

linked hands, at the glinting ring.

“Thank you” I say but Zuki doesn’t respond. I tighten my

hold on her. Willing her to know that, it’s me and her
against my best friend. Ridiculous but that is how I feel. Is
she even a friend? “Aza, tell me why you are here.”

“You never used to ask me that before.” Zuki tenses next

to me.

“Things have changed and you know that.”

“Why because we slept together?” Zuki jumps to her feet.

“I don’t need to hear this.” She says as I pull her to a stop.
Her wet eyes plead with mine and I stand and cup her face.

“I’m sorry. Baby, I need you here.” I caress my thumb

below her eyes as I wipe a stray tear. My body shields her
from Aza because I know she wouldn’t want her
vulnerability witnessed. “For transparency baby, please.”
She nods. “Okay.” She nods again and we resume our
seats. Aza blinks, but I notice the tears that cling to her
eyes. And then I remember that this is my friend too. She
left me but God, we come far. “I’m angry Aza but it
doesn’t mean I love you any less, as a friend.” I quickly
reassure. “Zee, is my person. I’m in love with her. Always
been. We are getting married and I hope your return
doesn’t threaten that. I hope you’ll respect her as my
person or else we can call our friendship quits, right this
moment.”

“Does she know what happened between us?”

“I know Aza, and I was angry and hurt.” Zuki firmly steps
in before I can answer. “We have worked through our
issues and we are okay.” She glances at me with a smile just
for me. Her gaze returns to Aza “I’m not sure you received
my email but…”
“I did.” Aza cuts her off. I’m not sure it’s just me but I get
an off vibe, she seems angry. Why would she still be angry
over what Zuki did? “You had no business doing that. It
hurt that something I’d shared in confidence. Something
that had been traumatic, had been thrown in my face like
that. What you did, didn’t endear you in my heart,
unfortunately and no amount of apology can undo it.”

“That was on me.” I intervene, because Zuki has turned

herself inside out over this. She has done her time. “I
shouldn’t have shared it, if you my blame someone then
blame me.”

“No, Nhla. I was wrong, and Aza, I know you don’t

believe me but what I did to you was horrible.” Her voice
cracks. And I shift closer to her. “I’m sorry.” Aza nods but
her face isn’t showing much emotion. I know her, she isn’t
taking this apology.

“So, you wanted to talk.” I prompt. Steering the

conversation away from a mine field.

“We have a baby.” My heart stops and I don’t hear

anything but ringing in my ears. Only when there is a shift
besides me that I’m jolted into action.
“What did you just say?” I can’t recognise my voice.

“That night, we fucked, we made a baby.”

“We made a baby.” I repeat because my ears are deceiving

me.

“Yes Nhlaka, we have a baby girl. Her name is Natalie.” I

blink.

“What do you mean?” My hands are sweating. I release

Zuki’s hand so I can wipe them on my thighs. But I can
feel my brow is damp and a trickle of sweat travel down
my spine.

“It means we have a daughter. She was born in September;

she is two months old.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she shrugs. “You were pregnant
and you didn’t think I needed to know and now she is two
months.” I’m trying to wrap my head around this but it’s
not making sense. I get it. When you have unprotected sex
it may results in two things, pregnancy or diseases. We are
lucky to have escaped the latter. But what my mind is
failing to grasp is that my best friend of over fifteen years
didn’t include me in one of the biggest things to ever
happen. “Do you hate me that much?” her eyes widen.

“No, Nhlaka. I knew how important your relationship with

Zukiswa is and I also knew how insecure she is. I didn’t
want to mess things up for you.”

“They why the fuck is you telling me now!” she looks

down on her hands twisting in her lap.

“I am permanently moving to South Africa. I found a great

job this side and I couldn’t pass on the opportunity.” I
slightly shake my head because her answer doesn’t make
sense, unless.

“You were never planning to tell me, were you.” I accuse

and when her gaze doesn’t meet mine something shifts
deep within me. “You were going to hide my child from
me.” Her eyes glisten. I get up and walk away. I need to
keep my distance from her and I will not allow her to use
her tears against me. “When can I see her?” she pulls out a
card from her purse and place it on the coffee table.
“This is my number, and my new offices. Call me.”

“Where are you staying Aza?” I growl.

“Hilton.” She mumbles.

“I’ll call you.” I can barely look at her as she gets up and
leaves. My eyes stray back to Zuki. She is sitting so still,
like any touch will splinter her into pieces. We remain in
eerie silence for a while.

“Baby, talk to me.” Even my soft tone sounds too loud as

I eventually break the silence.

“What do you want me to say Nhla.” She responds in the

smallest tone. I briskly walk to where she is sitting. Where
she has been sitting since Aza. I kneel at her feet and pry
the hands that she has tightly folded on her lap.

“That you love me. That you will marry me. Please, don’t
shut down on me.” I beg.
“She has your baby.” She looks up at me and the hurt in
her eyes threatens to undo me. I’m already falling apart
inside.

“You have me.” She shakes her head.

“I have to go.”

“No baby. Please don’t go.” I drop my head on her lap.

Hot tears burn my eyes. “Please don’t leave me. I love you.
Only you.” She remains rigid and unresponsive. I will hold
on to her like this the entire night if I have to.

.
Two Sides 21

Zuki

He has a baby with her. It went around my head for what

felt like eternity. My body trembled as I sat with his head
on my lap. I ran my hand over his head and he burrowed
deeper. Tightening his hold. I could feel his body shaking.
This strong beautiful man was trembling at my feet.
“Nhla.” He shook his head but didn’t look up. “Baby.” His
entire body went rigid then he was looking up at me, his
eyes bloodshot.
“I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” His eyes closed. “We will figure it out.” He

pulled me in his arms and crushed me to him.

“God, I love you.”

“I love you too.” I mumbled against his neck. “I need to

go home and you need to figure out what you are going to
do with Aza.”

“Can’t we do it together?”

“I’ll be here; I just need a moment.”

“When do we tell u Baba about the engagement?” I

hesitated. A part of me felt like when he sees his first child
he won’t want to marry me. “I’m going with you.” He
went on his feet and headed to the bathroom.
“I just think maybe meet your baby and see how you feel
afterwards.” He paused and tuned to face me.

“You are think having a baby with Aza will make me

change my mind about you?” I bit my lower lip. “Baby, my
heart chose you, a long time ago. It’s a matter of you
accepting me with my baggage. If you think you can handle
that, then nothing can stand in our path. I’ll parent my
daughter the best way I know how but it’s you who I
intend to spend the rest of my life with. That hasn’t
changed and it will never change. Trust me.”

“I trust you.” I didn’t trust her. In the past months I learnt

to trust my instincts. Aza loved Nhlakanipho, he didn’t
love her like that but he loved her nonetheless. Would he
return the kind of love she had for him? That remained to
be seen. For now, I believed him when he said he loved
me and only me and I was going to trust that. Because I
couldn’t imagine my life without him.

“Then let’s shower and go tell my future father in-law we

are getting married.” I nodded and he grabbed my hand
and dragged me to the shower.
“How do you feel about a December wedding?” Yes, it
would give us enough time for planning, premarital
counselling and things like that.

“A year, isn’t bad.” I said running my soapy hands over his

broad chest.

“I mean next month.”

“Isn’t that too soon?”

“We want to be together, why wait?”

“Baby, there is so much to do. Planning, counselling and

you need to know your baby.”
He ran his hands on my arms and up the back of my neck.
“I only have one person important enough, I want to be at
the wedding, Ntando. Maybe my friends but they are not a
deal breaker. “He smirked. “Who else do you need that
wouldn’t be readily available?” I thought of my parents,
Bonolo, Sis Nelly, Thandi and maybe church. Those would
be ready at a drop of a hat and those were the people that
mattered to me. “Pastor Raymond will be happy to fit us
in, as soon as possible.” He added. “And Zee, this baby
has no bearing on how we live our lives. I will love her,
support her and will raise her with you and her mother but
our lives still go on as planned.” He reiterated.

“Then let’s get married!” he gave me megawatt smile and

tilted my head, kissing me until my toes dug on the tiled
floor. When he eventually let go, we were both breathing
hard.

My parents were in the lounge watching TV with Bonolo.

They had just finished dinner and by their brightened eyes,
I knew my father already knew of our news. He seemed
relaxed for someone who had an eventful night. What he
did with Mondli made me realise I didn’t know my dad as I
thought I did but he was still awesome. In fact, he was
upgraded to my eternal hero in my eyes. More girls
deserved daddies like him. My heart contracted at the
thought that Nhlakanipho would be that dad to someone
else’s child. I wanted to be his first. First love, first wife
and last, first to make him a dad. But his moment with Aza
ruined that for me. Was I going to let that stand in the
way? No. Did it absolutely gut me? Yes. One thing I
realised, I was possessive of him. Something I needed to
work on I guess. My father stood and walked towards us.
His chest puffing with pride.

“My wife tells me you are engaged.” He raised his

eyebrows as if he didn’t already know.
“Yes sir, we are. I apologise, I should’ve spoken to you
first.” Nhla stumbled through that explanation.

“What for?” my dad interrupted. “You don’t need my

permission to marry my daughter. I don’t own her. If she is
okay with you, I’m okay with you.” He stretched his hand
towards Nhla, and Nhla shook it then he was being pulled
in a bear hug “For the record, I couldn’t have chosen a
better man for my baby girl.” He let go and moved to me.
Held my shoulders and peered at me. His eyes glistening.
“Are you okay Nontombi?” his question wasn’t about the
engagement but the earlier events of the day. Tears rushed
into my eyes and I threw my arms around him.

“I’m okay daddy. I’m happy.” I wouldn’t ruin this moment

by mentioning infants, it wasn’t the right time.

“Then congratulation my sweet girl.” He kissed my temple

and let me go. Mom followed and enveloped me in her
arms just because she could. Even Bonolo shuffled
forward and shyly congratulated us. I looked around the
room, at my family and I felt content.

“When is Ntando finishing his exams?” my father asked

Nhlakanipho. I didn’t get much info on him.
“He is done with exams. They have two weeks of rugby
camp and then he’ll be coming home. Hopefully.” Nhla
rolled his eyes. “He has made a few friends and he seems
to prefer them over me.”

“Teenagers!” My father scoffed.

“I always preferred your company over everyone else.” I

said.

“Not anymore.” My mother pointedly looked at Nhla and

we all laughed. The weight on my shoulder eased a bit and
I enjoyed the moment.

“I was thinking of sending people over for Lobola

negotiations, baba.” Nhla mentioned when Bonolo had left
for bed.

“Do you have people to do that?” my father asked with

genuine concern. “We are your family son, even before
you proposed to my daughter. I don’t want to complicate
things for you.”
“My friends could represent me.” Nhla suggested and my
father nodded.

“I’m not much of a traditionalist. Lobola is a formality for

us and whoever comes to represent your interests, is
welcome.” Nhlakanipho seemed relieved. If he hadn’t
realised that he’d been part of this family from day one,
then maybe he was finally realising it.

“When do you think you’ll get married?” My mother asked.

“I need grandbabies to spoil.” There was a moment of
awkward silence and my mother looked between us.
“What? Did I say something wrong?”

“Sweetheart. They are still young for babies. Give them

time to enjoy each other.” My heart sank. If they knew
how complicated our situation had just become.

“We would like to get married this December.”

Nhlakanipho blurted. Probability trying to steer the
conversation from baby talk.

“So soon!” my mother’s eyes widened.

“Why the rush?” my father asked. “Unless” he smirked.

“No!” we both exclaimed.

“We just want to get on with our lives, we don’t want to

wait anymore.” I elaborated and Nhlakanipho reached for
my hand. I glanced at him and found him watching me
with adoration in his eyes.

“Okay.” My father interrupted. “I’m sure it can be done.”

“Have you made an appointment to see Pastor Raymond?”

my mother asked. My parents never stood in my way, if it
senses to me, they were always hundred percent behind
me.

“I’ll call him tomorrow.” I said. Nhla and I had some left
over desert and then bid my parents goodnight. I packed a
bag, because he asked me to. He wasn’t prepared to be
without me any longer. I was glad to find my parents gone
as I dragged out a big suitcase that clearly said, I wasn’t
coming back.
“When are you seeing Aza and the baby?” I asked as we
got ready for bed. Nhlakanipho drew in a huge breath.

“Tomorrow.”

“Are you ready.” He shook his head. “How do you feel

about being a dad. I didn’t even congratulate you.” I
moved to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. His
brow drew, and deep lines formed on his forehead as he
caressed my jaw.

“Can I be really honest without feeling kak for it?” I

nodded.

“This is a safe space baby. With me you get to be yourself,

always. I want to see your good and I know it comes with
the bad and never hide that from me.” He leaned down
and kissed me deep as if to seal my promise.

“I want to be your safe space too.” I smiled and waited. “I

hate that I’m having my first bay and it’s not you. I know I
should be excited but it’s supposed to be between us and I
ruined that.”
“It’s done now baby. The baby is here, so we deal.”

“We deal.”

“Yes.”

“God I’m so lucky to have you. Can we have sex now? On

the bed.” I laughed and he picked me up and threw me on
the bed. I laughed some more as I bounced off and
watched him remove his sweatpants with boxer shorts.

“Damn you look fine baby.” I purred as I shifted up the

bed. He looked so good, better than he was before we
broke up. All solid muscles. Hard work and outdoors
activities paid off. He got on the bed and crawled over me.
Running his hand on my body.

“You are perfection yourself. All soft and sexy. You were
made for me.” He unclipped my bra, and threw it
somewhere on the side then he was cupping my boobs. I
hooked my arms around his neck and brought him down
for a kiss. A kiss that became heated in seconds then we
were devouring each other. We brought each other to
climax over and over until we were both exhausted then
we collapsed in bed. I was tired but as we shared a pillow,
with our legs wedged together, facing each other, I ran my
fingers along his jaw.

“How many kids do you want?” he asked his voice thick.

“Three, maybe two now that there is Natalie.” It felt

strange to say her name but I couldn’t forget it. It was
etched in memory. Nhla, momentarily closed his eyes and
when they opened they were clouded with fear.

“I’m sorry.” He cupped my neck his thumb running over

my cheek. We were so close we were breathing each
other’s air.

“You’ve said your apologies. It’s enough now baby. Time

to move on. Wena, how many kids do you want?”

“As many as I can have with you.” I chuckled.

“That might be a lot, I can only do maximum three.”

“I know we will have more. You already have Bonolo and

I know with your centre idea, we are definitely having
more.” I sucked in a huge breath. This man who knew my
heart.

“Yeah, we will have a big family.” I conceded.

“I’ll be right beside you all the way. Like Baba and Ma, I’ve
never seen two people in love like those two. Thank you
for sharing them with Ntando and I.”

“I couldn’t let you go without experiencing their love.”

“When do you want us to start having our kids?” he asked.

“In two or three years. I want to get the centre on solid

ground and running first.”

“So, you are resigning?”

“With Mondli gone, I’ll can still work but I don’t feel like
the company is where I want to invest my skills at the
moment.”
“Come work with me. Like we planned”

I smiled. “I just want us to have separate work lives, so

that we make the best of our personal time.”
“You wouldn’t even see me.” He argued.

“Let me look at the centre idea and see what it requires. If

I can still work while doing it then I’ll take you up on your
offer. I promise.”

“That’s all I ask.” He leaned closer and took my lips in his.

Gathering me closer. We were wrapped in each other like
vine as we fell into sleep.

The following day, I prepared to go see Mondli, I needed

the closure and Nhlakanipho was preparing to go meet his
daughter for the first time.

Nhlakanipho

I sit in the parking lot for what seems like hours but it’s
only been a few minutes. I feel shame for not being excited
to see my baby. She is my first. I should be over the moon
but all I can feel is disappointment in myself for being
careless. For taking the most important part of our
relationship away from Zuki. I also feel a sense of deep
loss for my relationship with Aza. I doing know how I will
ever trust her after this. She had almost a year to tell me
the most important news but she didn’t. Granted she was
hurt and betrayed but what she did isn’t any better. I don’t
know how to mourn the loss of our relationship. She will
still be in my life as we raise our daughter but I don’t know
if we can get back to where we were. My phone pings, and
a message from Zuki comes through.

|I love you| it says. A smile stretches on my face. With her

love behind me, I can face anything.

|I love you too| I quickly respond then pocket my phone

and get out of the car. Aza gave me her room number, so I
walk through reception of the elegant hotel, towards the
bank of elevators. One elevator opens the moment I press
for it. Once inside I watch the numbers climb to 5 th floor
with my galloping heart. My foot steps are muffled by the
thick carpet as I step out. I walk until I’m standing in front
of the room number. I knock once and wait. A few
minutes later the door is opened by a man who is almost as
tall as me. I take a step back to recheck the number.
“You must be Nhlakanipho.” He has an accent, it’s not
British but maybe he has French background. I can’t tell
I’m nervous and confused. Who is the guy? “I’m Bondeko.
Come in,” He allows me to walk through the door. “Aza is
sitting outside on the balcony.” The room is big with a
king size bed, and a seating area with two couches and
smaller chairs. I notice the TV mounted above a small unit
and a bar fridge in the corner. Only one other door I
notice as my eyes sweep around. “Would you like
something to drink?” I shake my head.

“I’m here to see Aza.” My voice comes out clipped. The

man waves his hands towards the balcony and I make my
way there. Aza is sitting in one of two chairs surrounding a
small low table.

“Nhlaka!” she stands and gives me a quick hug which I’m

too slow to return before it’s over.
“Hey.” She sighs.

“You don’t have to sound so glum.” She says.

“I’m going through a lot.” I say, she winces.

“Take a seat, please.” I drop on the chair next to hers.

“Where is the baby?” I don’t beat around the bush. I need
answers.

“There is no baby.” Her eyes lock on mine. She is deadly

serious. I frown because, well, I’m confused.

“What do you mean?’ she sits back with one leg over the
other.

“The was no baby Nhlaka. I was on contraceptives that

time and even if I wasn’t I would have taken a morning
after pill and if that hadn’t worked I would have taken care
of it. I’m too young to have a child and not one out of a
careless mistake.” She is looking at me like I am the dumb
one.

“But…” I stutter because I wasn’t prepared for this. “Why

would you claim to have a baby.”
She sighs. “To punish your girlfriend. I’m not proud of
what I did but I’m not sorry I did.”

“What?” what childish universe did I just step into?

“Mate, your girlfriend hurt me. Deeply and when I saw her
at your house I was pissed all over again. Then I decided to
peg her down a notch or two.”

“That’s petty Aza.”

She shrugs. “Well that will teach her not to be mean.” I let
out a long sigh. I should be angry but all I feel is immense
relief. “Wow, you are smiling.” I don’t even realise I am.

“Fuck Aza. You scared the shit out of me!” she cackles.

“You should’ve seen your faces yesterday. You looked

green.”

“Don’t ever do that again.”

“I don’t make promises. It was so fun.” She laughs

reminding me of my best friend who used to prank me.
We pranked each other a lot when we were kids. I must
admit, this was top tier. And a little psycho.
“You worry me. What kind of a psychologist are you going
to be?”

“A crazy one.” She stands “Come, meet my boyfriend.” I

grab her arm and hold he still.

“We met. Sit for a little bit I need to speak to you.” She sits
back down.

“Look I know what I did was shitty. I shouldn’t have

disappeared on you like that. I was actually at your place
yesterday to apologise.” She looks distraught.

“Why did you do it? I wrote to you almost every day until I
couldn’t anymore. Because it hurt, that you’d dismiss me
like that. I know I hurt you and betrayed your confidence
Az, but to disappear like that?”

Her eye cloud with tears. “I know, I was angry yes, then
life kicked my ass. I just recently gotten a break and I met
Bondeko and I kind of liked him a lot and the first person
I wanted to tell was you and then I realised you weren’t
there.” Her hurt and regret is palpable in her eyes and my
heart can’t stay immune. I reach for her hand and she
tightens her hold on me.
“Bondeko, what kind of a name is that?”

“Shut up, it’s Congolese.”

“Ooh foreign.”

“You are an idiot!” we both laugh.

“I missed you” I say because as angry as I was at her. I still

missed her.

“You have no idea, how much I missed you.” Then she is

suddenly in my arms and we are hugging.

“Promise me, you’ll never disappear like that again.”

“I promise.” She whispers and then let go.

“And promise never, I mean never, to repeat the night we

made the most stupid mistake of our lives.” She smirks.
“Yeah, no. Never again, in fact we will pretend it never
happened.” She turns to go back inside the house and I
follow.

“Shorty.” She glances at me. “I’m getting married in a few

weeks.”

“I’m surprised it took you this long.” She smacks my arm.

“Congratulations.” I raise my eyebrow. “I mean it. I may
not like her. Her fault. But I can see she is good for you.”

“Will you quit giving her a hard time.”

“Will see.” She mumbles. Then Bondeko walks out of the

bathroom and Aza’s smile transform her face like the sun.
“Baby, meet my BFF, Nhlakanipho.” She wraps her arm
around his waist while he holds her close.

“Please to meet you, mate.” He stretches his hand towards

me and I shake it in a firm grip.
“Nice to meet you too.” I let go of his hand. “I’ll have that
drink now.” The man chuckles and let’s go of Aza.

“Coming right up.”

“Take a seat.” Aza gestures to one of the couches.

“How long do you intend to stay here?” my eyes sweep

around the hotel room.

“Until I find a suitable place. There is just so much to do.”

She begins to update me on what I’ve missed the past year
and I fill her in about my life. Before we know it it’s almost
lunch and I’m inviting Zuki to join us.

Two Sides 22

Two years Later

Zukiswa
“Hey Mrs Ndlovu” Nhla came from behind me and
wrapped his arms around my protruding belly. I was
standing by the window of our house watching, Bonolo
and Ntando swimming in the pool with their friends. Okay
the rest of the kids were swimming but Ntando sat on the
side and watched the action with an indulgent smile on his
face. He didn’t say much, he never did. But he gave a few
smiles now and again. He was as tall as Nhla if not taller
and built. Rugby did a number on his body. We were
celebrating their matric passes. Both of them passed well,
Ntando had seven distinctions while Bonolo had four. I
was proud of them both considering where they were three
years ago. “What has you frowning?” Nhla kissed the side
of my neck while rubbing my belly. I was five months
pregnant but I looked like I was almost due. I leaned back
against his chest.
“Is Ntando okay?” The boy worried me. He didn’t give me
attitude anymore but there was something about him. I
couldn’t put my finger on it. He almost seemed like he
didn’t like being home. He was okay with his uncle; they
did most things together now that he was older. But he still
gave me a wide berth. I gave up trying to impress him. And
I couldn’t really complain because he wasn’t disrespectful.
He did what I asked without question. Maybe he just didn’t
like me. And that was okay too.

“Maybe he is thinking about his upcoming departure.”

Nhla trailed kisses along my neck. The man has always
been insatiable but his libido seemed to triple since my
pregnancy. I didn’t mind, he gave it to me right. “It can’t
be easy for him studying abroad without his family.”
Ntando had been accepted for the SAA Pilot Programme
in Australia. It was a huge deal. It meant paid scholarship
and a guaranteed job when he returns. I’m sure his mother
would be so proud of him. As we all were. None were
prouder than my dad though.

“He should speak to Aza.” I said dryly. “She has all the
experience of studying and working abroad.” Nhla
chuckled, he didn’t miss the snide in my tone. It was
always clear; Aza and I would never see eye to eye. We
tolerated each other for Nhlakanipho’s sake. Because we
both loved him.

“You are right even though I’m sure it grates your tits to
admit.” He said pinching my nipples. The move jolted
straight between my thighs and left me throbbing.

“Baby, my parents are in the kitchen.” I panted, pushing

back against his hard bulge.

“Maybe we can sneak back to our bedroom before lunch is

served.” He spoke against my ear sending a shiver down
my spine.
“Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and we hurried to our
bedroom. “God, you look sexy.” He growled as he swiftly
removed my dress while I pulled his shirt off. I was left
standing in panties and no bra because I tried to free my
sensitive tities at home. Nhla stood back as he pulled his
jeans off. His eyes swept over my body feeling like heat
against my skin. When our lips met again, there was no
talking. We moved against each other until I was lying on
my side, with Nhla behind me, buried to the hilt. I felt him
everywhere. Him sliding in and out of me, his fingers on
my clit, his other hand cupping my boob and his kisses on
my neck. It overloaded my senses in the most delicious
way. We tried to be quiet, there were people around the
house, but I don’t think we were successful.

“We need to shower.” He murmured after a while as we

rode the remnants of our release. He ran his hands over
my sweaty body as if memorising it.

“Not when you keep doing that.” I was facing him now,
studying his face, how relaxed and happy he seemed.

“Nawe, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I teased his lips with a pad of my thumb.

“Like I’m holding your sun.” I smiled while he sucked on
my thumb.

“You are my sun, without you everything else is gloomy.”

“Oh, baby. You know just what to say to have my heart

exploding.” He dipped his head and kissed me, his tongue
swiping the seam of my lip and when I open, he dove in
deepening the kiss.

“We really need to get up baby.” I breathed against his lips.

“Maybe in a few minutes.” He moved for me but a sharp

knock at the door had us pulling apart.

“Nitsho ba niyasigxotha bethuna!” tell us if this your way

of chasing us away. My mother yelled from the other side
of the door.

“Siyeza mama.” We held our breath and listened for her

disappearing footsteps. Then we broke into laughter.
“Come let’s go shower, before she sends daddy.” Nhla
jumped to his feet and gave me his hand, helping g me off
the bed. He continued to help me shower under the warm
spray. I loved how he took care of my every need. I didn’t
work anymore. As I ran the youth centre with my mom. A
fulfilling position for both of us. Daddy and Nhlakanipho’s
companies were behind the funding but with had other
help, Bengu Inc. Amongst them. Even though the man still
rubbed Nhla the wrong way. I didn’t know why, because
they never met. Or maybe it could be my obvious crush on
the man.

All eyes turned to us as we walked into the dining room

area. The huge table was filled to capacity, some of the kids
had their own set up outside because we couldn’t
accommodate all of them inside the house. I felt my face
heating at the knowing smirks from around the table. Sis
Nelly, Thandiwe, Aza and her Fiancé Bondeko and all
Nhlakanipho’s friends were there. Nhla led me towards the
two empty seats, which got me seated next to Ntando.

“Hey Bond,” Nhla greeted Bondeko. “I didn’t know you

were back. Good to see you.” They shook hands. Bondeko
and Nhlakanipho didn’t have the issues their partners had
with each other. They got along like house on fire. They
especially bonded over their love of soccer.

“I had to come back before the El clasico. My place or

yours?”
Nhla glanced at me and I knew before he said it, he
wouldn’t want to leave me alone and he knew I was never
keen to go to Aza’s house where I always felt like an
impostor. “Come over man, it will be the last night I also
get to chill with Ntando before he leaves.” Bondeko
nodded and they continued their little chat. My eyes
scanned the table and my heart was filled to capacity.
Thandi had brought her latest boyfriend. I wondered how
long it would last as they chatted with their heads close
together. Daniel, Raj, Lunga and KG all were present
chatting loudly on the other side of the table. Joshua who
also came to work with us at the centre, sat with the other
kids and his wife on the patio. Bonolo, sat with them and
made moony eyes with her girlfriend It was a full house,
with everyone we care for and loved here. It’s something
that as an only child I never thought I needed but now that
I had it, I couldn’t imagine a life without it. I glanced at the
brooding boy besides me, well young man, glued on his
phone, his food untouched before him. I jabbed him with
and elbow. He flinched and threw an irritated look my
way. He shrugged.

“What?”

“You are not eating.” He picked up his fork without

responding and began eating. “Are you excited about
Australia?” He shrugged again and went back to his phone.
I tried. I turned to my husband and listened to him talk to
his friends. The chair besides me scarped the floor as
Ntando got up with his plate and went to join the other
kids outside.

“Are you good?” Nhla wrapped his arm around my

shoulder.

“I’m perfect baby.” He nodded. And his arm remained

there as he returned to his conversation. I luxuriated in his
warmth and strength.

Six Years Later

Nhlakanipho

A loud clacking noise pulls me out from a deep sleep. I

groan and bury my head under a pillow. My body aches.
We’ve been working hard lately trying to keep on top of
things. The construction business is getting flooded and we
constantly need to reinvent ourselves. This means late
nights and a lot of travelling. I miss my wife and my kids.
But especially my wife. I can’t remember the last time we
had our own moment. I stretch my arm and caress the cold
space besides me. I’m not surprised. Our schedules seem
to be clashing. Another loud sound of a banging door has
me throwing my pillow aside. I slide off the bed and drag
my unwilling body to the bathroom. The shower does
wake me up and I change to my slacks and formal shirt
Today, Daniel and I are meeting with potential investors
that we desperately need, otherwise we have to downsize.
I’m not willing to see all my hard work down the drain.

“Hey baby.” My wife kisses my cheek as I walk through

the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes please.” I grab her arm and stop her in her tracks.
“But first this.” I capture her lips in mine and enjoy her
pliant body against mine. She moans and pulls away.

“We don’t have time for this baby.” She murmurs.

“Lisakhanya has music practice before school and I still
have to drop off Azaphe at crèche.” She trots away.
“Unless you can drop her off for me I’d be most grateful.”

“I have a strategic meeting at 9 am baby. Look here.” I

drop a newspaper on the kitchen counter. “We need a
helper.”
“Yeah, I might have to concede. I’m not coping.” She says
stirring the porridge that our son Khanya loves so much
and scanning the newspaper.

“Who is NS construction?” she frowns.

“The new kids on the block and guess who they bagged as
their architect?” I ask taking a sip of my coffee.

She looks up at me her eyes wide “Not Bengu Inc.” I nod.

“Yep.”

“What do they have that you guys don’t have?”

“White folk I suppose. Bengu is all about uplifting the

black community.”

“But you are doing the same babe, just in a different way.”
I shrug. Having Daniel and Raj as business partners is a
blessing and a curse at times.
“It doesn’t help that Raj has been in the news for all the
wrong reasons.” My wife’s frowns deepen as she pages
through the Business times.

“No way!”

“What?” I move closer to her.

“OMG!” I guess I have to look for myself and then I do a

double take when I see the social pages.

“Ow!”

“Ja! Gcobani! My Gcobani! I don’t believe it.”

“Your Gcobani!”

“Agh you know what I mean baby. I didn’t peg him as

gay.” I scan the article about Bengu and another Business
Mogul Bongani Mthimkhulu. Marriage in tatters. That’s
what the headline says.
“Well, you can never tell, anyway and it’s wrong to assume
people’s sexualities.”

“But Mthimkhulu seems like such a stand up guy.”

I shrug, my worry isn’t about people’s marriages and

sexualities, especial people I don’t know. “My only concern
is these NS construction boys. They seem like they are
here to take over everything, how did they bag Bengu
when he refused to work with us?”

“They are not exactly boys baby. It says here one of them
Luxolo Ndamase is married to his childhood sweetheart
and his business partner Lubalalo Sobukwe, is a bachelor.”
She smirks. She just loves to tease me about all the men
she finds attractive. “Baby.” Her frown gives me concern.
“NS Construction isn’t a new company, hey.” She is now
on her smart phone probably googling them. “They’ve
been building momentum. Bengu Inc. Will be tipping them
over into the stratosphere.”

“Why do you think we are having sleepless nights?” she

looks up at me her eyes wide.

“Should we be worried?”
“No. Baby.” I move closer to her and pull her in my arms.
“If the worst case scenario happens, I have investments.” I
kiss her forehead and let go. “There is always your dad’s
company to take over.” I smirk, “The man has been
pestering, he is like a dog with a bone.” She sighs.

“I know. I wish I was into tech.” I drop my cup in the

sink.

“It doesn’t help that Ntando became a pilot. I think your

day was hoping he’d take over.”

“He can still do. He is more qualified than the both of us.

“Laters problem, I have to go. Let me go say goodbye to

the kids.”

“Don’t forget to pick up Bonolo. Her flight lands at six.”

Bonolo works as a flight attendant.

“She can Uber if I don’t make it but I’ll leave her a

message.” I make my way to the bathroom and find
Khanya and Azaphe racing their boats under the bubble
bath instead of bathing. The three years between them
disappears when they are together like this. I’ve never seen
siblings so close. My relationship with my sister has always
been that of parents and child, so I never got to experience
this. It feels wonderful to see.

“Good morning, you two.” I walk in and crouch by the

bath tub. They both look up with perfect smiles on their
faces.

“Morning daddy.” They chorus.

“You better make this fast before mommy comes in here.”

“Agh and pulls my ears.” Azaphe the youngest makes an

adorable face. She hates when her mother washes her ears.
She says she isn’t gentle.

“No she doesn’t!” Khanya defends his mother. “Your ears

are sticky.”

“No they not! Your feet stink!”

“No they don’t!”

This back and forth can continue for a while if not

stopped, “Who is ready for go carting this weekend?” I
interrupt while rolling my shirt sleeves. I dip my hand in
the soapy water and grab the sponge. I know I’m running
late but sometimes some things are just worth it.

“I am!” they both exclaim.

“Then let’s not give mommy any troubles, okay?” they

enthusiastically nod and the bathing begins with my help
of course. But they are cooperative.

“I thought you had a meeting.” My wife points out as I

walk out of the bathroom with Azaphe in my arms,
wrapped in a fluffy towel and her brother besides me.

“I am baby. But these two needed a little encouragement.”

I transfer Azaphe in her arms. “I have to change my shirt
and go.” I give her a quick kiss. Then the kids.
“See you tonight.” She calls after me. I turn around and
walk backwards.

“Want to go out and have dinner with you husband?”

She smiles, “I’ll drop off the kids at my parents after

school.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”

Zukiswa
Parenting is never easy, don’t let anyone else tell you
otherwise. Even with the money and resources. Especially
when you try and be a super mom and do it all. But even I
can tell that I’m not copying. My husband, gosh I would
never tire of that, had been pestering me to get a live in
nanny. We had a cleaner that came during the week. But
no live in help. With his hectic schedule and my supermom
duties, alone time had become a rarity. I was looking
forward to our evening together. It had been a while since
I’d been pounded to the mattress and I needed it. I
laughed at my parent’s expression as I reversed out the
gate. I’d practically thrown the kids out of the car with
their bags and got the hell out. I knew they didn’t mind,
they adored their grandchildren. I owed myself one more
but I needed to get myself together before bringing
another human being into this world otherwise my
marriage and the centre would suffer.
I drove back home at high speed, I needed to change to
the new dress I’d picked out earlier from my favourite
boutique. It was a sexy black number that came below my
butt. I had to show off the body I worked hard to keep in
shape. And showing off to my husband always had the
hottest consequences. Before dressing up, I took a quick
shower just to rinse off the sweat from all the running
around. Styling my braids and applying subtle makeup took
more time than I anticipated. I only had a few minutes to
spare as I walked out of our bedroom. The house was just
too quite without the kids running around and making
noise. As much as I cherished time alone, I barely coped
with their absence.
As I descended the stairs, my eyes caught a shadow just
outside on the patio. I let out a small smile, Nhla stood
facing the pool with his hands in his pockets. Were those
new pants he was wearing? He didn’t generally wear tight
fitting pants, that showed off his hard muscles even the
shirt he wore was stretched around his biceps. When did
he get so bulky? Then he turned and I opened the sliding
door, my step faltered and I almost fell on my face.
“Ntando?” I squeaked.
“Hello, sis Zuki.” He coolly responded. One day maybe
the boy would tell me what I ever done to him. “Is my
uncle home? I didn’t see his car outside.” Ntando was a
pilot now, we hardly saw him. He travelled more than
anyone else and when he came to visit, he always took the
kids for something fun, then he would spend another day
with his uncle. We suspected he dated a lot of supermodels
but we never met any of them. He lived what his uncle
assumed was a fast life, no one knew really, but he never
seemed to be fully happy in my eyes. But we were not
close enough for me to pry. He was still as tight with my
father though. Every time anyone brought his name to
criticise his lifestyle in my father’s presence they would be
cut down to size really quick.
“He’ll be here any moment. We have a date.” I couldn’t
contain my excitement of the upcoming date.
“Nice. I’ll go say hi to my niece and nephew.” He
shouldered past me.
“They are at their grandparents’.”

“Oh,” disappointment flittered in his eyes. “I’ll go there

tomorrow then. Tell Uncle Nhla, I’ll call him.” He turned
to leave.
“You can wait. I’m sure he’d love to see you. You haven’t
been around for a while.” I couldn’t mask the accusation in
my tone.
“I have work that demands my time!” he snapped, the
mask of coolness slipping.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to judge. But its’s your family
Ntando, you could make more effort.”
“What are you, my mother!” I wanted to roll my eyes
because he just sounded like the sixteen-year-old he once
was instead of twenty-six. Still an annoying little shit! But I
was the aunt, I didn’t get to tell him that.
“No, fortunately. She’d be disappointed.” Something
flickered in his eyes.
“You don’t know shit about how my mother would feel.”
Just as I was about to open my mouth and respond with a
biting retort, my phone rang with an unknown number.
“Hello.” I answered still holding Ntando with a glare.
“Is this Mrs Ndlovu?” I frowned.
“Yes?”
“Ma’am this is detective Dube, I’m sorry to tell you this,
your husband has been in an accident.” The room spun
viscously and my knees felt like jelly. I knew the man was
speaking but I couldn’t hear the word he said. My eyes
barely made Ntando’s face as he moved towards me. He
could’ve been running, I don’t know, my world was
crumbling around me. Then solid arms were holding me
up and he was speaking on the phone. I don’t know what
was said. All I felt was numbness and coldness. It couldn’t
be.

The End