Journal Que

J'ouvrirais
Probablement
Tous Les
Six Mois
- John Dave B. Figueroa

1
About the Author

Fuck You Dumb Bitch!

2
 25th, June 2022
Melancholy
I viewed melancholy as a great enemy, a death, and a friend.
A couple of weeks ago (until now), I was literally living in the darkest blue,
looking for love and attention—trying to image the feeling of being in love
again, validating my bad behaviors and keep victimizing my awful habits.
However, there are more case going on around my brain. A few days ago, I’m
getting addicted at watching pornography again. I was horny and trying to
jackoff as hard as I can (not that much, I was joking okay? Oh come on, that’s
ridiculously impossible, I could die). I am responsible for my actions but I am
addicted (to porn). Even though I'm enjoying my day, I always ruining it by
scrolling through social media after, I’m so thirsty for that quick dopamine
because I’m a loser. I always make myself feel bad for living poorly. Now, I’m
what you call the modern teenager who gets fatter and sadder, got zero bitches,
and jealous for no reason. I don’t know if I'm sad because I don't have a
girlfriend—having the thought of it is a bad idea, entering a relationship just
because you’re sad is a terrible reason to make since it may easily become a
one-sided relationship and affect your partner’s life and his/her decisions—I
guess fixing your own shit is the best, you could possibly pull up some bitches
though, kidding (die virgin, fucker).
My friends are supportive and I kinda praise them for that and I’m proud for
them: they are funny, they are kind, they are good at giving advice and, they
help me to build my own path and to build my confidence.
Here’s another case in my mind—fuck, I hate being honest to myself, it
makes me look like a fucking girl. I can’t think properly for myself, I think I’m
not good with everything, I’m ignorant. I don’t expand my perspective, and gets
stuck by the end. I can’t find a purpose to improve my life. My grandmother
was suffering from high blood pressure which makes me feel incredulously sad.
This melan-cholic moment makes me give up even more.
Everything is going to be okay (still hoping though), I can’t properly say I
love my grandma but I will forever gratify her kindness, thanks to he . It’s my
time to shine like a fucking star and prove to them that I’m not a useless piece
of shit and I’m gonna move somewhere more vigorous and all I need is her/their
trust and guidance, thank you once again.

3
 26th, June 2022
The Love is Dead
What is a family if you can’t love them happily? We live with each other but
it seems like we can’t do something about it to fix it, nevermore. No feelings, no
problems, no conditions, and no preservation. I don’t know how come this
family would end but perhaps—someday, this family won’t be broken again.
I remember when my mother went to her 1 st ever job in abroad, our grand-
mother, took her part for caring us. I was 8th grade at that time and all I do was
fooling around with my classmates. My father who was much like an NPC,
doing endless work and sleep on his wanky room. He was only giving us
financial help and food to eat but I think there’s still lack of encouragement,
that’s why I hate him. He didn’t care for our academic achievements. As of
today, he probably doesn’t care even if I graduated.
I remember fighting my father amidst of pandemic, an ego fight which cause
huge trouble on this family. I don’t even fucking know why is he murmuring
like a bitch on that day but it became too egotistic and arrogant which make me
feel disgust right now. I’m still angry because it happened. I’m still angry at
him. However, it is some bullshit history which I don’t have to think
furthermore, I can do shit on my own (perhaps, a little), my siblings can handle
themselves slowly but surely. In these years, we have grown a lot.
Moving on to the next chapter of life can create some more history including
learning from any dramatic experience and mistakes. We hope we don’t repeat
this awful occurrences to my future family and I hope my future will be filled
with genuine people.
I fucking hate my father so much. Oh yeah, daddy issues, whatever. We’re
all mad at him, bitch.

4
 27th, July 2022
Distraction
I have realized over the months, week, and days, I get easily distracted by all
the things that I’m doing. One of those shits are scrolling through social media a
lot. The more I scroll, the more voices in my head keeps begging me to scroll
more and I fucking know it’s getting worse. I think I’m getting numb and dumb
because I can’t focus clearly and I can’t reasonably think for myself. I keep get-
ting distracted by these memes (which some of them are tremendously funny, I
can’t lie), controversies (fucking hate these), and pornographic references that
will make my ding-dong hard and horny (they want us to get distracted but it
sums up all that we have the right to control ourselves because we hold our own
life and decisions, ideas and dreams, I mean there’s a chance you can control
your crippling porn addiction you piece of shit, just fucking stop using your
gotdamn phone). And then, this would lead to a tragic brain tumor activity
where you cannot think for yourself anymore because you are addicted to
scrolling.
Lately, I’d decided to uninstall Facebook for a while since I also feel the
frustration coming through my veins just seeing all the bullshit on my newsfeed
and I know it’s not worth and healthy to see. However, early on this day, I just
literally open my browser again and search for Facebook and I realized, I want
myself to get distracted. It’s my fault, bro. I need fucking help. I want to use
social media more because I can’t be satisfied with my own life and it’s giving
me quick dopamine. I think they knew, they want us to scroll more and to be
piece of shit and to not do anything for the rest of the day which can be fucked
up if can be passed through next generation.
We should focus on ourselves more rather than spending our time on this
bullshit media platforms because we are getting distracted by these. The
government want us to scroll through social media a lot, play video games,
watch pornography, and they want us to be programmed and say the same shit
over and over. These issues are common from the west but it’s still shocking
that these issues are happening. That’s why everything you see, watch, touch, or
listen are only a distraction.

5
 2nd, August 2022
How to Control Your Emotions?
Let’s say that you are having fun right now, how do you say that you are
enjoying the moment? How do you say you are having fun? Can you say that
you are happy?
People especially the new gens have no idea on how to control their
emotions since they have been deluded by these modern situations or problems
that really have nothing to do with their personal life, thus they gave most of
their attention to these tiniest crap of phenomena which can really affect their
brain. Old people look dumber using social media and when kids are using
social media, it’s fuck-ing chaotic, man I can’t handle any more bullshit, I
wanna die.
Emotional people who’s 24/7 on their phone will often feel disappointed,
worried, or lonely because they use social media a lot, they build emotions
through these Facebook drama and Twitter controversies which has nothing to
do with their life.
Why don’t focus on important things and why focus on bullshits? Simply
because we are stupid. Our brain is driven by feelings. All we have this whole
fucking time aren’t some deep philosophical problems, it’s just emotional
problems and we struggle to deal with that because we are not
thinking/reasoning. Ultimately, we probably aren’t aware that we can’t actually
control our own emotions, that’s why we keep blasting out all the time.
Sometimes, it becomes worse when we can’t find a reason to stop looking at our
screen, wasting a plentiful amount of time because we can never be happy. So
we end up getting mad often, because we don’t realize how much we whine
about something isn’t that significant. The inferior part of social media is the
cravings for validation and approval that we can’t get from any human being
outside the real world, we want to validate our fucking easy life problems and
be the victim of our own stupidity. We blame society for this. We will forever
be like that unless we kill ourselves (not the best option) or get off of social
media and decide to do something else rather than arguing with people we never
met. Unless we want to improve our life, to focus on hard work, reflect what we
truly feel and start to reason and think that we can actually control our fucking
mind.
I'm trying to control my feelings not to be so over driven and I know it’s
kind of hard to deal with but I don’t want to be like a fucking degenerate who
will always complain and victimize my actions to avoid my problems.

6
7
 7th, August 2022
People with Mental Issues VS Who Claim That They Have it
Based on my observing, I’m quite certain that I’ve encountered a lot of
people who are actually crazy, having mental issues — and it seems kind of odd
to approach them since they are perilous or hurtful in a way that they aren’t
aware what are they even doing (I think most of the part they just want to
protect themselves, but it will appeal to others that these people are trying to
“attack” them). Some of them are “addicts" or addicted to drugs — abusing
drugs, overdosing the pills to extreme their hallucinations — it affects their
once stable brain. They have much used different kind of drugs like crack,
cocaine, meth, or mushrooms which can affect their brain far worse (I guess, I
don’t really know because I haven’t tried any single one).
People who don’t have mental issues claimed that they have one — they
claimed that they are mentally ill, and then people who are actually crazy as
fuck suffers more than these whiny ass bitches so that, mental issues don’t
consider as much important in this generation, since people want to be a
delusion, they are thirsting for more attention. Anyone wants to be mentally ill
now, people want to validate their basic life problems and be the victim instead
of doing something with it, they are afraid to make solution for their miseries
and they just want to be a dumb bitches.
There was a tragic moment I want to share for a brief second — I had a
friend who took mushrooms to reduce the pain of killing himself. It’s very
sorrowful thinking that he died at a young age. It frustrates me every time and
telling myself I could’ve save him. However, it is just impossible to rewind time
in every single way. I think he’s just problematic as me but then, he have that
stupid shrooms to carry himself away from all the people he knows and truly
loves. It’s just unexpected that he’s gone forever, surely the only thing we have
to do is cherish the memories and about what’s occurred and turn it into an
inspiration, motivation, and improvisation.

8
 11th, August 2022
Rest in Peace
It has been a month since you were gone. I just wanted to say I miss you, and
thank you for all the shits we’ve done. We love you, and I will forever cherish
our memories. I will always remember you. It is just stupid that you will do
such things like that, if I’ve only known earlier that you were taking drugs
unironic again, I could’ve save you, we could’ve save you. I didn’t know that
you were problematic until it’s done, you are gone. May your soul rest purely, I
hope I can see you once again, we love you.
Rest in Paradise my Brother
Randy Joseph
Rest you Soul, We love you

9
 11th, August 2022
Social Media, Video Games, Pornography Destroyed my Saneness
I will probably say it now and I will say it a million times but here it goes…
Social media is perilous because of the algorithms that makes you want to
scroll more — they are teaching you to waste your time and to lose focus on
your mind, getting you numb as you spend too much energy only to receive a
little amount of dopamine. Your own thoughts will be vanished, and will be
replaced by some delusional opinions you got from it and that works for a robot
like you to say the same shits over and over again — as you read some stupid
Facebook post which has nothing to do with your own life. Now you get
addicted because it was like a brainwash mechanism made by rich people for
you not to wake up on reality.
I remember the time that I was happy, when I broke my phone, it shows that
I don’t fucking care about social media. It shows how free I am, not worrying
about internet drama, I feel like more alive and a free thinker, but look at me
now, I failed and now I’m addicted to the programming again.
Video games are less of a problem right now. However, it is still addictive
— I only play just to chill and that’s all what it matters, but sometimes you got
bad teammates, you know the shit about to lit up.
I’m suffering from porn addiction, and I’m still trying to reduce the shit out
of it. I can’t find a way on how can I remove all of my addictions because I’m
simply thirsty for instant gratification which is fucking awful.
Please care for yourself.

10
 17th, August 2022
If Bad Thing Happens, I Want You to Remember This!
After a long shitty, productive, eerie, or something unusual that could
happen in a normal day, I just wanted to remind you that don’t forget to smile
because we don’t know what could come out next — smiling for a bit second
can enhance our mood and be productive for the rest of the day. If you messed
up, then what, are you going to accept the fact that every thing doesn’t go along
with your way or are you going to embrace the negative energy and ruin what’s
already left? Smiling is part of accepting, it has the power of not giving a fuck
anymore because you already moved on and want to be better. It’s not late,
though you are still a little bimbo whose going to cry easily when something
don’t go along with your way and I want you to get out of that situation. If you
think your home doesn’t make you feel happy, then go for a walk, explore new
places — observe, reflect, and enjoy what you are seeing. If your family doesn’t
make you smile, make a reason to make yourself smile, be their reason why
they are smiling because it can be the reason that you are happy. If you find
yourself smiling around your friends, well interact with them more, nobody
wants to be alone as the days goes by. Always let your mind speak, don’t let
anyone dictate what you should do, don’t just be a sad teenager, be alone and
graciously think what you are capable of since it can be the source of a life-long
happiness.
It happen all the time and it will happen again. However, don’t lose what you
have started — know how to control yourself, your emotions, your actions, your
mind because it’s still better than quick pleasure which you can’t avoid but
somewhat can be controlled and lessen. Focus on studying, start working out
again, you can do it, you just need to find a reason on why you are doing it.
Finally, if bad thing happens, you only have to smile to reduce the pain.

11
 25th, August 2022
Why Do I Feel Such This Way?
A few days ago, I feel so anxious, I don’t know how can I deal with it
because I was uncertainly lost at the moment. I was thinking the worst case
could possibly happen to me, and I feel extremely threatened for no reason. I
cried like a pussy, hoping my future would not be bad as I joined university.
A couple days ago, I’d passed my requirements at TCU, excitement and
confidence was going through my body since it’s my chance to get the college
course I prefer. Psychology. Suddenly, the situation became miserable, the
registrar starts to discuss the slots were being filled, and it gave shiver through
my spine. I have no idea why it filled so quickly. And then, he told me what
other courses do I agree with, I was nervous when I said computer science.
Unfor-tunately, it was also full (now that I’m thinking it, it’s kinda funny). I
was mad a little bit: WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING
HERE? If I’m not going to get my course, then what’s the point? Well, I finally
chose entrepreneurial management which I doubted if I’m going to like it, but
“fuck it" I said to myself.
I walk down the aisle, really anxious. I walk through the doorway, really
anxious. I walk across the street, I was extremely anxious. I walk alone,
extremely anxious. I want to cry out loud but I was extremely anxious.
I’m finding answers and hoping for solutions. I’m believing that I can deal
with this bullshit college life since until now I’m certainly anxious.

12
 26th, August 2022
The Worst Case Scenario
The worst case could probably happen to me is not winning in life — I’m
afraid to fail even though I’ve experienced it a lot of times (unconsciously or
I’m just not aware of failure and I’m unable to embrace it because I’m still
afraid of people’s judgment, I barely make stupid things since I don’t want to
disappoint someone). You know what, I’m really bad at settling things up — I
end up frowning all the time, thinking the bullshits which aren’t that necessary
to think of and only a waste of energy. I have the feeling of becoming absurd
just because I pick wrong decisions (am I bad at picking or I’m just not good at
making ideas?). Nevertheless, I’m not focus enough and getting distracted by
social media and video games are giving me a hard time to think deeply.
Wasting my time to feel bad everytime — waking up every single day to scroll
on my phone is tedious. The scenario of not succeeding in life is utterly worst,
along with being unhappy because you failed.
I’m thinking that “fear of missing out” is also a worst case, scrolling through
social media, thinking about these wonderful life of these motherfuckers in my
newsfeed and anything often making me feel insecure at the same time,
scrolling through uncomfortable/disgusting content. I’m getting attracted to
quick pleasure again. Besides, it’s not permanent and doesn’t give that much
dopamine so it’s still nothing but pain in the ass. I could’ve use that time to
make something pro-ductive. However, I don’t have the capability since I’m
addicted to the prog-ramming, I feel insecure and loser.
Losing friends is also a worst case because if I’m having an existential dread
everyday, I might not see them again. Until now, I’m having a hard time to
socialize with other people — unable to have good relationship and new friends.
Social media ruined me, and the worst part is I’m joining university. I’m
nervous to talk, my social skills are shit, there’s too many thoughts going
through my head when I’m communicating and I feel worse about it.
I’m comforting myself like a 5 year old kid. Additionally, I’m bathing
myself — cheering myself with soft words just to improve, to move, to stable
my “mental health" which is kinda cringe (that’s why I suck), dying is just
‘meh’ for me right now but I’m afraid not to fulfill my dreams. I better learn
something, I better let myself wake up.

13
 6th, September 2022
You Are on Your Own
There may be a few weeks left before the academic year on my university
starts. I don’t know what’s the reason of me still doubting even though I’ve
handle quite much of my shits on my own. Perhaps, I’m once afraid again to be
left from everything. The university that I’m going to is far more than my
previous school, far more than my friends’ school, and too far from my home (is
that really the case?). I can’t be confident enough when my friends are not
around, I still be wanting their guides and validation to pursue some of my
things. Then I realized I’m not ready to meet new people (though I’m going to
meet them anyways, ‘new classmates', so there’s no turning back). Additionally,
I think I’m not ready — unprepared of accountability while growing up.
I’m alone but there will be always new people around me. Nonetheless,
every time I think of growing up, it gave me fucking chills through my veins,
knowing that time is literally clicking — every people is moving on with their
lives and trying to make some history, some changes to be able to learn from
their previous mistakes. Then I’m here, not trying. I didn’t expect that there be
some serious shit would happened while I’m living this pitiful life. Losing a
friend — a beloved friend, who’s important to me can break my mental strength
along with losing hope. I didn’t expect that it can actually happen (that son of a
bitch did it) since we're young, dumb, free, and gay. I can’t barely imagine how
much is it cause to change everything. I viewed life as a joyous people doing
their own shit which is unrealistic and look at me now, I view it as a disaster, a
misery, a fear, full of negativity and evil. My self-esteem went absolute dismal
as the day he leave this world, cherishing those vivid memories that can’t be
possible to get back. For-ever. I have choices, and being alone is the best
decision to not get hurt again.
Rest in Peace
RJ

14
 7th, September 2022
If You are Happy, I Want You to Remember This
Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna make it quick.
If you are feeling happy today, cherish the moment — acknowledge that
emotion and be creative. You don’t always have to ruin your day like a fucking
loser — you just need to embrace the joyfulness. Avoid instant gratification as
possible. You don’t need to be greedy and weak.
If you are happy, stop providing efforts for nonsensical stuffs. Move on with
a smile and continue to live. Abstain scrolling thoroughly on social media,
thorough video games, watching pornography. Limit your task. Know what’s
unnecessary for your life. However, you are lazy and weak so you don’t value
this kind of thoughts. Think mindfully — stay focused, difficult but can be
assimi-lated if you are persistent.
If you are happy, create something beneficial not just for yourself, also
beneficial for others. Cherish that wonderful smile of yours. Begin journaling
whether it’s positive or negative. We learn from various mistakes — learn from
various thoughts since it is a way to improve and grow as a human being.
Well I’ve quite discussed above what I was going to discuss. I hope you can
think for yourselves on what makes you happy in life.
Avoid making unhappy things that will cause stress to your living.
Be Happy With Your Life
Stop Ruining It
Quit Porn, Quit scrolling
Go outside

15
 8th, September 2022
Regrets Over Countless Decisions
Well, I guess it was a very special day until it wasn't anymore. Since this day
was supposed to be the “Orientation Day" which I can interact with my fellow
freshmen. Suddenly, it came out to be horrible for me because I didn’t know
that they moved the fuck of it yesterday (September 7 th)— so I quite missed the
whole shit. There’s literally a screenshot on my phone that says it will be on the
8th of September but they’d decided to delete it out and edit it (yup, I’d only
seen their Facebook update when I was already in the campus, I should take the
blame I guess — but fuck it, what kind of admin is that bro, fucking insecure
teenager, they can’t even decide whether it is confirm or not yet — they’ve
done it twice though). I was confident enough to walk across the university until
I checked my phone — checked the Facebook update on their page and realized
that it was already done and happened yesterday. Fucking unlucky would you
say, is it? I wasted money because I commuted twice just to go there then it was
all for nothing but a pain in the asshole. I went there for 2 jeepneys and went
back once — I’d been on a cemetery after, visiting an old friend to reduce my
frustration, feeling his presence, I’d been guided by him on what should I do
next, he’s been good now — rest in peace old friend.
It’s kinda hard you know, I’m dripping sweat while going on that university.
However, I’d had quite handled the situation properly but then, I’m still kinda
pissed off (my fault I guess). I mean, this is what I want, my decision, to reclaim
my grade 12 report card in PTC because I want to enter university but I moved
away from my friends. Well, I regret a little bit and I guess it was a part of it
(I’m feeling better now).
I can’t deniably avoid regrets but I don’t really fucking care anymore, I’m
pretty sure there’s a purpose behind entering this university — kinda sad
because I didn’t get the course I prefer. I will focus and be determined. I will
figure it out.

16
 20th, September 2022
Turning 19 Years Next Month
Think yourself for a moment, a child who wants the greatest toy but your
mom wont let you have it — a teenager who wants the prettiest clothes or a
PlayStation this Christmas but your mom wants you to focus on studying. You
grew minima-listic, living a simple life without those unnecessary materials and
you don’t even bother to have those anymore. However, as you grew older,
there’s one thing in your mind that keep begging you to react on what is
necessary for your melan-cholic life. You can only earn it by doing what they
called: the “hard work".
I swear my fucking ass I spent my whole teenage years on the internet, I
mean not basically, but I’ve been playing league of legends when I was 13 years
old — scrolling through Facebook when I’m queuing. Every game I hopped on
was a disaster, getting thoughts from my subconscious where it should had to be
my last game for that day but I guess there were still 5 games in a row waiting
for me to end my soul — I only stood up when I’d completely consumed the
time that had been set in that pc and emptied my wallet. Nevertheless, it was a
fun expe-rience specially when I was playing with my friends until it came to be
dead game when “Coco" hit us out (no one plays league of legends in
Philippines now, I guess).
I remember 9 th grade, I became more fond of using social media, I got the
validation I wanted. I didn’t realize that I would get addicted easily, who would
have thought? I scroll too much, a lot of sexual content while using it, I ruined
my teenage years bro, it’s just idiotic.
Later on 11th grade (turning 17), I watch tons of motivational videos on
YouTube, improving myself but I keep failing man because I followed the
wrong methods. I remember I did have a journal and wrote my workout routine
and wrote down my schedule and what instantly happened was nothing. I did
went back to my old habits and keep scrolling and masturbating. I thought self-
improvement was boring and gay and I thought that’s why I’m not consistent
with it. I was only in a mental masturbation — watching motivational videos
daily but I’m not really doing anything, I just want to feel good. However, I
want to fuckin' change bro, I want to improve and succeed this competition in
life.

17
 21st, September 2022
Hypocrite
When I wrote on this journal yesterday, I just remember the decision I’ve
told to myself. Improvement doesn’t mean the state of your mind is being out of
control and you just want to change it. Improvement starts by forgiving
yourself.
However, I have been tolerating my bad habits and one of those are being a
horny ass bitch. It always comes to the down side again where my problems are
testing my accountability and I keep failing and disappointing myself. Am I a
hypocrite for what am I doing (sure you do, no doubt)? Being aware of bad
habits and still doing them anyways while pursuing self-improvement is
hypocritical. I think I becoming addicted again and also getting distracted with
these bad habits. The time I spent on my phone just proves I’m lazy and
hypocrite. If I really want that self-improvement so bad then why am I doing
these crazy habits? Quick pleasure is always attracting me since there are
limited things I can do inside the house (so get the fuck up, and touch some
grass, idiot). Well, I’m still sick and dizzy so I can’t make most of the chores
inside or outside. Here’s also the thing, I think I keep asking myself stupid
questions that makes me stop and become lazy again. Sometimes, I need to be
more reasonable on every decisions I make. Since in modern era, you just don’t
need a spiritual idea but also a political idea — I don’t know if I’m becoming
red-pill or nah (Conservatism/Traditionalism, hell if I know) but I don’t want to
give a shit about ideology that much but that is how modern era works, I guess.
If I want to have a political view, then I should read and research and gain a
great amount of sources and knowledge because I have no fucking idea what
I’m going about.
As to conclude this piece, I wanted to point out the human failure we have
and that is being a hypocrite. I always think all people are hypocrites (including
me, yay). The government officials are corrupt, they always tell us lies. Same
with us, we are bound to disconnect or cheat with people even if we know they
are good at handling relationships. I guess hypocrisy is a negative (an evil
energy) that we should avoid, since it leads to narcissistic behaviors. It feels like
procrast-ination (breaking promises), is a form of hypocrisy where you should
do a certain behavior that benefits you in the future but you just want to avoid it
because you suck, and you keep swearing you are gonna do it tomorrow but no,
you still are not doing it, because you are a hypocrite.

18
 26th, September 2022
Blame Yourself
Recall your regrets and think whose fault of that. You will see that most of
the thing is in your control. You decide whether you acknowledge or blame
your-self for your mistakes or bad decisions—or you are just gonna be a
fucking pussy: blame others, forget the situation because you have fear of
hurting your ego.
Blaming yourself can actually make you happy. You will become more in
control on every decision you make. It will hurt your ego but you will learn how
to manage yourself, logically/emotionally. You will learn to understand yourself
more. And you will recognize what the fuck is wrong with you. You know
some-times, we don’t really think that much. It’s all feelings and emotion that
driving us crazy. So we fail to become responsible sometimes when things
fucked up. We pass our fucked up to others, we blame the environment that
we’re living in since we suck at making decisions. Well, it’s a problem of you
that can affect others in the future. Avoid cowardice, victimization, and being
egocentric because we’re not helping ourselves nor others, we’re only
disappointing our lives. Oh, you may not really feel it because you’re an entitled
wimp—you don’t know what’s wrong, you’re afraid because we can hurt your
ego, you are a virgin.
Okay, I don’t wanna be the bad mouth here. It’s great to blame yourself. It’s
a cool way to improve and to act maturely—learning from your stupidity might
help you in the future, to become more responsible and productive. I’m not
telling you to pick wrong decisions so you can blame yourself more (you just
prove that you’re an idiot). It’s all about on how can you take accountability to
grow as a better person. If you know you chose the bad decision and still blame
others for it, then oh my, you need a therapy or else lobotomized your fucking
self.
Blaming yourself is an intellectual way to communicate with your brain.
You will learn how to work hard, think responsibly, to focus and succeed. And
all of these can be done, once you realize that blaming yourself is actually a
wakeup call to stand-up for yourself.

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