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 CCHU9088 We are Family:
Myths, Realities and the Future
of an Idea

Love, Marriage and

Changing Family Dynamics

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Notice

This PowerPoint has been made available to students taking

CCHU9088 ‘We are Family’ at The University of Hong Kong. It
is intended for educational purposes only and not for general
circulation. All rights reserved.

© 2023 Carol Tsang

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“We’re likely living through the
most rapid change in family
structure in human history. The
causes are economic, cultural,
and institutional all at once.”

- David Brooks, American

commentator

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In We are Family, we define the family as a
symbolic construct with a history and politics

The family is a fluid, multifaceted site that

simultaneously oppresses and empowers
individuals

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 L01 Review

• Explore the notion of ‘family’ as a natural

phenomenon or a social construct
• Examine how the gap between family myths and
family realities make family a fluid, multifaceted
site that simultaneously oppresses and
empowers individuals
• Investigate how intersectionality allows us to go
beyond family myths and shape our most
desired version of family
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Intersectionality (coined by Kimberlé
Crenshaw): Many of the social justice
problems including sexism, racism,
classism and ageism are often
overlapping

This creates multiple levels of social

injustice and different modes of
privileges

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A successful marriage
requires falling in love many
times, always with the same
person.

Mignon McLaughlin

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Marriage is a wonderful
institution, but who wants to
live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

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12
Marriage:

A legal relationship between two people who are

married to each other (OED)

A legally recognized social contract between two

people, traditionally based on a sexual relationship
and implying a permanence of the union
(Introduction to Sociology by Little and McGivern)

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Why marriage and family?

In most situations, a family of procreation is one

that is formed through marriage

Historically, marriages are what create a family.

Families are the most basic social unit upon which
society is built. Both marriage and family create
status roles that are sanctioned by society
(Introduction to Sociology by Little and McGivern)
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01: Why get married? Marriage myths versus
realities

02: Is marriage still necessary for family?

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01: Why get married? Marriage myths versus realities

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 Marriage functions

1. Regulates sexual behavior

2. Fulfills economic needs
3. Perpetuates kinship groups
4. Provides an institution for care and
education for children

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“[S]ince the dawn of civilization, getting in-laws
has been one of marriage’s most important
functions.”

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage: A History: From Obedience to Intimacy or

How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Books, 2006).

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“Never before in history had societies thought that
such a set of high expectations about marriage was
either realistic or desirable. Although many Europeans
and Americans found tremendous joy in building their
relationships around these values, the adoption of
these unprecedented goals for marriage had
unanticipated and revolutionary consequences that
have since come to threaten the stability of the entire
institution.”

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage: A History: From Obedience to Intimacy or

How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Books, 2006).

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In 2011, Stephanie Coontz
explained in PBS why
fewer Americans were
getting married

It is now more common to

have cohabited than to
have married

As discussed, marriage
rates could vary across
social classes and
educational levels
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“We expect more of marriage than ever before,
both as an emotional partnership and an
economic partnership.”

Stephanie Coontz, PBS Interview, 2011

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 So much is at stake in
marriage…

The commodification
of marriage (e.g. a
white, extravagant
wedding) How marriage might
amplify family
dynamics (e.g.
conventions,
tensions)
➡ The pressure to perform
marriage
➡ Marriage, like family, is a
social construct that can be
performed 22
Variants for marriage persist in performing
marriage…

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Nominal marriage (形式上的
結婚/ 形婚):

A marriage between a gay

man and a lesbian (mostly
in mainland China) to
appease their parents
The Wedding Banquet (1993)
talks about a Chinese gay
man marrying a woman to
please his parents, while
having a relationship with his
American partner. After a
drinking binge, the Chinese
man has sex with the woman,
who becomes pregnant with
his son. The ending sees the
gay couple and the woman
raise the child together,
offering a resolution to all
parties involved

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Sham marriage/ fake marriage (假
結婚):

Individuals entering marriage for

ulterior motives, without the
intention of cohabiting with another
party (OED)

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Bride kidnapping (搶婚):

A form of forced marriage. Also known as marriage by

abduction or marriage by capture. It is a practice in which a man abducts
the woman he wishes to marry

Bride kidnapping is common in parts of sub-Saharan Africa, the Caucasus

and Central Asia. In rural Kyrgyzstan, where over 60% of the country’s
population lives, around 1 in 3 marriages begins with a kidnapping

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Ghost marriage (冥婚):

The custom has been practised for around

3,000 years. Believers in the custom say it
ensures the unmarried dead are not alone in
the afterlife

The weddings were originally strictly for the

dead – a ritual conducted by the living to wed
two single deceased people – but in recent
times some have involved one living person
being married to a corpse

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In 2016, police in north-west China
charged a man with murdering two
women, alleging that he wanted to
sell their corpses to be used in
“ghost weddings”

The ghost wedding is an emotional

compensation for bereaved
relatives. Many want to find a dead
bride for a son who died young
while working to support the family

China’s skewed sex ratio has

aggravated this custom

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Arranged marriage (包辦婚姻):

A marriage in which the parents choose the

husband or wife for their child (OED)

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Are Arranged Marriages
Outdated (2021) – a YouTube
debate on Middle Ground
India shows how divided the
Indian public is towards
arranged marriage

YouTube respondents frame

the whole issue as a clash
between class and gender,
highlighting the importance of
intersectionality in studying
marriage and family
dynamics

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Walking marriage (走婚):

In Mosuo (a small ethnic

group in Yunnan and
Sichuan) culture, a
relationship in which partners
do not live in the same
household, and their children
are raised by their mothers
and the mothers’ families
Nominal marriage, sham marriage, bride
kidnapping, ghost marriage, arranged
marriage, walking marriage, and many
more…

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The historical and contemporary variants of marriage
show how many individuals are torn between
‘tradition’ and ‘progress’

In some geographical contexts, the debate boils

down to national identity and pride (e.g. bride
kidnapping, walking marriage)

Marriage and family values can be different across

cultural contexts, genders, social classes, ages, etc.
Marriage is performed in various ways to enhance/
maintain/ challenge/ break tradition and build a
‘family’
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02: Is marriage still necessary for families?
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“I do not believe, then, that marriage was
invented to oppress women any more than it
was invented to protect them. In most cases,
marriage probably originated as an informal
way of organizing sexual companionship, child
rearing, and the daily tasks of life.”

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage: A History: From Obedience to Intimacy or

How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Books, 2006).

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In 2016, Germaine Greer,
highly controversial Australian
feminist who wrote The
Female Eunuch (1970),
argued in the Oxford Union
Society debate that marriage
is not necessary for family
anymore

Pay attention, especially, to

her ideas on families of the
future

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 Outcomes

• Examine the gap between marriage myths and

marriage realities
• Investigate how individuals across times and
cultures perform marriage in order to enhance,
maintain or challenge the institution of family
• Debate whether marriage is still necessary for
family

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 Debate

Is marriage still necessary for family?

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 CiC pre-
course survey

40

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9088Jan2023