THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ

Adapted by Rachel Teagle

From the book by L. Frank Baum

Cast:

Steffi – Dorothy

Jing Kang – Tin Man

Xiu Yuan – Lion

Kai – Scarecrow

Lila – Witch of the South, Elfra

Sophie – Witch of the West

Shi Yu – Oz, Additional Monkeys, Additional Munckin

Milan – King of Flying Monkeys, Boq

Kairi – Additional Munchkins, Additional Monkey, Oz Guard

Jennie – Aunt Em, Witch of the North, Glinda Guard

STAGE:

In an arc through the audience runs the yellow brick road, functioning like an apron, to accommodate
travel and distraction from scene changes, with a path down the middle of the audience for the Witch of
the West's entrance and the poppy scene.
PRELUDE

The audience gathers in Kansas. Perhaps Aunt Em passes through, looking for Dorothy. Dorothy passes
through avoiding Aunt Em, her nose in a book. A tornado siren signals the audience to enter the space,
and they travel down a path passing by characters they will see later in the play.

SCENE 1: THE COUNCIL WITH THE MUNCHKINS

DOROTHY
Toto? Toto! Are you okay? I thought I'd lost you. Toto, I don't know what I would have done. I swear,
Kansas has got to be the absolute most boring, awful place I've ever been. If it wasn't for you, Toto, I'd
go nuts. On a good day, it's gray and flat with nothing to do but chores. And on a bad day, a giant
tornado picks you up and drops you in the middle of...in the middle of
SHE NOTICES HER SURROUNDINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Wait. This is not Kansas. This is definitely not Kansas. I think things have just gotten interesting. All
right Dorothy, let's think this through. First: Where are you? Not Kansas, so far so good. Maybe it's
somewhere like Missouri, or Canada? Or is it Neverland, or Fairyland, or Liliput, or... What was that?

A MUNCHKIN MAN, BOQ, AND A MUNCHKIN WOMAN, ELFRA PEEK OUT, ALONG
WITH A HERD OF CONJOINED MUNCHKINS. DOROTHY WHIRLS AROUND. ALL
MUNCHKINS GASP!

THEY NOISILY HIDE.

DOROTHY

Great. Now I'm hallucinating. That tornado must have given me a head
injury.

THE MUNCHKINS BEGIN LOUDLY WHISPERING.

ELFRA
Did she see us?

BOQ
I don't know!

ELFRA
Quick, stay still!

EVERYONE FREEZES

DOROTHY
I can see you you know.

2
 BOQ
You can?

DOROTHY Yes. You aren't very good

at hiding. Wait, don't go away. I need to talk to you.

ELFRA
You want to talk to us?

DOROTHY
Yes, I do.

THE MUNCHKINS ALL TURN TO ONE ANOTHER AND SQUEAL!

BOQ

Much honor and blessings upon you, mighty sorceress!

ELFRA

We are eternally grateful for your act of brave

assassination!

THE MUNCHKINS BOW.

DOROTHY

Hold on, sorceress? Assassination? What are you talking

about?

THEY POINT, DOROTHY TURNS TO SEE HER HOUSE CRUSHING A PAIR OF FEET
WEARING SILVER SHOES.

DOROTHY

What? That's my house! The tornado must have dropped it.

ELFRA
Right on the Witch!

BOQ
And crushed her to death!

MUNCHKINS
Hooray!

3
 THEY ALL DO A LITTLE DANCE. IT IS PROBABLY VIOLENT. THE WITCH OF THE
NORTH APPEARS.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Morbid little buggers aren't they? But if the evil tyrant making your life miserable met a sudden and
violent end, you'd be doing that little dance, too. Ah well, when in Munchkin-land.
THE WITCH JOINS IN THE DANCE.

DOROTHY
I'm sorry, Munchkin-land?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Boy, for a blood-thirsty sorceress, you sure don't know much.

DOROTHY
Oh, I'm not a sorceress.

ELFRA

But you're wearing white in your dress, and that's the color of sorceresses.

DOROTHY
My dress is blue and white.

BOQ

That means you're a friendly sorceress. Blue is the color of the munchkins!

MUNCHKINS
Yay!

DOROTHY
I'm telling you, I'm not a sorceress. Sorceresses aren't even real, they're just in stories. My name is
Dorothy Gale. I'm just a normal girl. I—

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Then, “Dorothy Gale, normal girl” how did you kill the Wicked Witch of the East,
hmm?

MUNCHKINS
Hmm?

DOROTHY

4
It was an accident, I swear! A big tornado picked up my house in Kansas
and...

BOQ
Kansas? Never heard of it.

DOROTHY
Well it's nothing like this place, no munchkins or witches, just normal ordinary people. Doing ordinary
things.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Ordinary? Like what?

DOROTHY

Like pulling weeds and washing dishes, and hanging laundry out to dry.

ELFRA
Ooh, laundry, sounds exotic.

DOROTHY
It's really not. I promise you. Just ask my Aunt Em, she may not even know what the word means.
That's not fair. I don't mean to be ungrateful. Uncle Henry didn't have to take me in after all, it's
awfully kind. And it's a new place, Kansas. I'm sure I'll get used to it. But... I don't want to get used to
it. I mean, I know this is their life and they've worked very hard to be they are, but I read about all
these amazing places and fascinating people, and I don't want to just read about them. I want to see
them for myself. I can't stay in Kansas my whole life. I want my life to be so much bigger.
Wow. I didn't mean to dump all those feelings on you little guys. I guess I haven't really had anyone to
talk beside Toto in a long, long time.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Hmm, Kansas must be one of those “civilized” places. In places like that there is no magic left.

DOROTHY
I believe that.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

But here, let me tell ya, we're just oozing with the stuff. We've got witches in every corner. Literally. I
live up North, my slightly less good-looking sister Glinda lives in the South, and two wicked witches
flew off to the East and West to rule over the simpler folk there.

THE MUNCHKINS MAKE AN OFFENDED NOISE.

ELFRA
Who are you calling simple, lady?

5
 BOQ

She already knocked off one witch today, don't push your
luck.

DOROTHY
So you're a witch, too?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Why yes! The Good Witch of the North, at your service.

DOROTHY

Well, why didn't you overthrow the wicked witch who ruled
here?

BOQ
Say, that's a good question.

THE MUNCHKINS WHIP AROUND TO LOOK AT THE WITCH.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Well, uh, I'm not as powerful as the Witch of the East was.

ELFRA
Was is right. She's going as we speak.
THEY TURN TO SEE THE LAST OF THE FEET DISAPPEARING, LEAVING ONLY THE
SHOES, WHICH HAVE NOW TURNED RED. THE MUNCHKINS GASP.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Well, would you look at that. She was so old and so evil that she just dried right up in the sun. That's
why you've got to moisturize. Evil witches are notoriously terrible at that. But my sister Glinda and I?
Fresh as the morning dew. Ooh, and would you look at those shoes!

DOROTHY
Wait, weren't they silver?

ELFRA I
know, and now they're just to die for! Oops, too soon?

BOQ
It's like her power somehow seeped into them.

6
 ELFRA
Or something else seeped into them.

MUNCHKINS
Eww.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

She sure did love these old things. You can take them , Dorothy, if you'd
like.

DOROTHY
Really?

ELFA Sure! You kill

the witch, you get the shoes, that seems only fair.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

You know, I think that there was some sort of charm or something attached to them, but I can't for the
life of me remember what that was.

BOQ
Gee, I hope that's not important later.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

And look! They fit just perfectly.

DOROTHY
They do. It's unbelievable.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

It's magic. Welcome to Oz.

DOROTHY
Oz?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Uh huh. Oz. This is a land of magic and mystery, where beauty and terror lurk around every corner and
the whole world is lush and lovely and fascinating. You can walk all day and never cease to see
wonders.

DOROTHY
Oz. I can't believe it. I finally walked into a fairy tale.
Wait, did you say “all day”?

7
 BOQ
Sure!

DOROTHY
Oh, I can't be here all day.

MUNCHKINS
(disappointed)
Aw...

DOROTHY
If I'm out all day, Aunt Em is gonna kill me! Who's going to set the table? And feed the chickens, and
sweep the porch and... I'm going to be in so much trouble. How do I get back to Kansas?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Ooh. Yikes. From here? I do not know.

DOROTHY
What do you mean you don't know?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Oz is surrounded by a deadly desert on all sides. It's not an easy place to travel through.

DOROTHY
I got here, I must be able to get back.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

It took a cyclone to carry you over here, you need to find something just as powerful to carry you back.
Hmm, but what is great and powerful in Oz?

BOQ
What about Oz the Great and Powerful?

ELFRA
You mean the wizard who lives in the Emerald City? He's more powerful than all the witches put
together.

BOQ

He's got to be able to find a way to send you back to Kansas.

ELFRA
Oh, absolutely.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

8
Will you two be quiet! I'm trying to think of a plan to help
Dorothy.

ELFA
Why doesn't she go see the wizard—

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Say, I've got an idea. Why don't you go see the wizard?

BOQ
How original.

DOROTHY
You really think he can help?

ELFRA
Well, this one can't.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

She's right. I'm way out of my depth, here.

DOROTHY
But where do I find the Wizard?

WITCH OF THE NORTH

The Wizard of Oz in the City of Emeralds in the very center of the land. All you have to do is follow
the yellow brick road.

DOROTHY
Follow the yellow brick road?

MUNCHKINS
Follow the yellow brick road!
THE MUNCHKINS POINT IT OUT TO HER.

MUNCHKINS
Ta da!

WITCH OF THE NORTH

The journey will be long and the country is not always pleasant, but if you want to get back to Kansas,
it's the way you must go. That is your quest.

DOROTHY
My quest? I can't believe it. I get to go on a quest! I feel like Don Quixote. I just wish there was some
way to repay you for all your help.

9
 BOQ Repay us?
Hardly! We owe you for all your Witch-murder!

MUNCHKINS
Yay!

ELFRA
Yes! Bless you, Witch Killer, bless you! Farewell!

MUNCHKINS

Farewell! Bye bye! Thanks, Witch killer! Come back and murder again
sometime.(Etc)

DOROTHY BEGINS HER JOURNEY DOWN THE ROAD.

WITCH OF THE NORTH

Maybe you should consider another nickname.

BOQ
Maybe you should go back North and leave us alone, hmm? We've got a whole new system of
government to establish. Shall we, Elfra?

HE EXTENDS HIS ARM, SHE TAKES IT.

ELFRA Of
course, Boq. How does constitutional monarchy sound?

THEY EXIT ARM IN ARM. THE WITCH GOES THE OTHER WAY.

BOQ
Ooh, or anarchy?

ELFRA
Yeah, anarchy!

ALL MUNCHKINS CHEER FOR ANARCHY.

SCENE 2 - DOROTHY SAVES THE SCARECROW

DOROTHY CONTINUES DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

DOROTHY
Huh, look Toto. More cornfields. Even on a magical quest I can't get away from farms. Huh, look at
that. They even put up a scarecrow. Maybe this place isn't so different from Kansas after all.
The SCARECROW WAVES.

10
Or maybe I spoke too soon.

SCARECROW
Good day!

DOROTHY

Did you just...talk?

SCARECROW
I think so. How do you do?

DOROTHY

Pretty well, I guess. How do you do?

SCARECROW
How do I do what?

DOROTHY

No, I mean how are you feeling today?

SCARECROW

Actually, I've got this weird pain in my back. It's like someone stuck me up on a
pole.

DOROTHY

Someone did stick you up on a pole.

SCARECROW

Oh! That explains it. Do you think you could help me down?

DOROTHY

Sure!

DOROTHY HELPS THE SCARECROW DOWN, HE COLLAPSES INTO A HEAP.

SCARECROW
Ah, much better. Though I seem to be stuck again.

DOROTHY

11
Here.
SHE HELPS HIM UP.
How's that?

SCARECROW
Astounding! I feel like I can take on the world! I think I'll go for a stroll.
HE TRIES TO TAKE A STEP AND FALLS DOWN AGAIN.
Oh, right. I don't know how to stroll.

DOROTHY
You don't know how to stroll?

SCARECROW

I don't know how to do anything! I don't have any brains.

DOROTHY

No brains? How is that possible?

SCARECROW
How should I know, I don't have any brains.

DOROTHY

Then what's inside your head?

SCARECROW
I'm a scarecrow. I'm stuffed with straw and corncobs. That's why I've got such a husky voice. Get it?
Corn?

DOROTHY

That's terrible

SCARECROW
It's not so bad, being stuffed.

DOROTHY
No, I meant that pun. It's terrible.

SCARECROW

Oh! Zing, you got me! That head of yours must be chock full of thoughts.

12
 DOROTHY
That's for sure. Sometimes too many thoughts.

SCARECROW
I have no idea what that means.

DOROTHY
Well, where I come from, there isn't much going on. It's like a big gray sea of dull gray grass. So, I
spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts. But when there's so much in my head, and so little
around me, it feels extra empty somehow. And lonesome.

SCARECROW

Lonesome I understand. Try standing around in a cornfield your whole life.

DOROTHY
That's just what I'm afraid of.

SCARECROW
You know what I'm afraid of?

DOROTHY
What?

SCARECROW

Two things: A lighted match, and someone thinking I'm a

fool.

DOROTHY

Well, better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then to speak out and remove all
doubt.

SCARECROW
That's good. That's a good one. Did you think of that?

DOROTHY
No, I read it somewhere. I do a lot of reading. Aunt Em's always saying get your nose out of that book,
get your head out of the clouds, and get your feet on the ground, it's the only way you'll get by in this
world.

SCARECROW

That's pretty harsh.

13
 DOROTHY

I think her hopes have dried up. She's as brittle and gray as the grass on the prairie.

SCARECROW
Well, speaking as someone who's full of dry dead grass, it's not such a bad way to be. It's hard to get
hurt. I can fall down all day and not feel a thing, and sometimes that really comes in handy. You know?

DOROTHY
Yeah, I think I do.

SCARECROW
Good. Because I don't. It's so frustrating not to know anything. I wish I could think of a way I could get
my head stuffed with brains instead of straw.

DOROTHY

Huh. Maybe there is.

SCARECROW

Really?

DOROTHY

I'm going to see the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City. He's supposed to be great and
powerful.

SCARECROW
Do you think he can get me a brain?

DOROTHY
It couldn't hurt to ask. If you'd like to come with, I'd welcome the company. You can be my Sancho
Panza.

SCARECROW.
It would be my pleasure.

HE HOLDS OUT HIS ARM, THEY LINK AND TAKE A STEP TOGETHER. THE
SCARECROW IMMEDIATELY FALLS OVER.

SCARECROW

Whoops! Say, do you think you could give me a little refresher course on how to
walk?

14
 THEY WALK OFF TOGETHER.

SCENE 3 – THE RESCUE OF THE TIN WOODSMAN

DOROTHY AND SCARECROW ENTER, STILL ARM IN ARM.

SCARECROW
And they don't talk? Not a single one?

DOROTHY

Not in Kansas. They just sit there.

SCARECROW
And the birds, they fall for it?

DOROTHY

Pretty much.

SCARECROW
Boy are they lucky. The birds around here are really judgmental. And kind of rude.

DOROTHY
Scarecrow, do you mind if we stop and rest for a little bit?

SCARECROW
Oh of course! Muscles and bones get tired. Straw and cloth don't. I didn't even notice how long we'd
been walking. Let's rest.
HE COLLAPSES, IMMEDIATELY. DOROTHY SITS BESIDE HIM.

DOROTHY

Actually I'm more hungry than tired. Do you need anything to eat?

SCARECROW
Oh no. I don't eat. My mouth is just painted on, and if I cut a hole for food to go in, all my stuffing
would fall out and spoil the shape of my head. But I'm more than happy to sit here and relax. Uh,
how do you relax?

DOROTHY
I guess like this.
SHE ASSUMES A POSTURE OF RELAXING AND SIGHS. SCARECROW MIMICS
HER POSTURE. OFF, SOMETHING GROANS.
No, no, no. Not like that. It's more of a sigh.

15
 SCARECROW
That wasn't me.

THE GROAN HAPPENS AGAIN.

SCARECROW

I think it's coming from inside that tree. And there's another thing I didn't know – trees can talk, too.

DOROTHY
It's not the tree, there's someone inside it.
THEY PEEL AWAY THE FOLIAGE, REVEALING THE TIN MAN, RUSTED STIFF. HE
GROANS.
It's a person! Are you the one making all that noise?

TIN MAN (Stiffly)

You heard me! No one's ever heard me.

DOROTHY

Can we help you?

TIN MAN
Yes! Oil my arms.

DOROTHY

What?

SCARECROW SPOTS THE OILCAN.

SCARECROW
Here! His joints must be rusted stiff.

HE RUNS UP TO THE TIN MAN AND OILS HIS ARMS. WEARILY THE TIN MAN PUTS
HIS AXE DOWN.

TIN MAN (Stiffly)

Finally! I've been—

SCARECROW
Hold on, I think your jaw's a little rusted, too.
HE OILS HIS FACE.
There, that ought to do it.

TIN MAN (smoothly)

16
Ah.... much better. So much better. Man, I've been holding that axe for so long, I thought my arms
would fall off. Oh, get my legs would ya?
THE SCARECROW OILS HIS LEGS.
That's better already. I've been rusted stuck here for years. How did you find me?

DOROTHY

We just happened to stop by. We're on our way to see the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald
City.

SCARECROW
He's going to get me a brain!

TIN MAN

A brain? Huh. Do you suppose he could get me a heart?

DOROTHY

A heart?

TIN MAN
Yes, you see I'm just an hollow shell.
HE KNOCKS ON HIS CHEST, IT RESONATES LIKE A BARREL.
I'd really love to have a heart again.

SCARECROW
What about a brain? Do you have one of those?

TIN MAN
No, nothing but tin … and emptiness

HE SIGHS.

SCARECROW
Then why aren't you asking Oz for a brain?

TIN MAN
Well, brains are not the best thing in the world.

SCARECROW
How do you know?

TIN MAN
I wasn't always made of tin. Once I was a flesh and blood man with a brain and a heart, and having had
both, what I miss is my heart.

17
 DOROTHY

What happened to you?

TIN MAN

I'll tell you, but keep the oil can handy. I tend to get a little worked up, and I'd hate to rust
again.

I was in love once, with a beautiful munchkin girl. But, she lived with a cruel old and lazy woman, who
didn't want her to get married. So, she went to the Wicked Witch of the East and paid her to put a spell
on my axe.

The next day, I was out chopping wood, and whack! The axe slipped and chopped my leg off. But, I
hopped over to the tinsmith and got a brand new tin leg.

SCARECROW

Good thinking.

DOROTHY
Good hopping.

TIN MAN
But the witch wasn't done, the axe kept slipping and cut off my other leg, then my arm, then the other.
The tinsmith and I were getting to be very close, believe me. Then one day, the axe slipped completely
and chopped my head clean off.

DOROTHY
How terrible!

SCARECROW
Talk about losing your head.

TIN MAN
Luckily the tinsmith passed by, and made me a new tin head and a new tin chest. I was good as new,
except alas, I had no heart. And without my heart I lost all love for the Munchkin girl.

DOROTHY

Star crossed lovers torn apart by fate. What happened to

her?

TIN MAN

18
I don't know. I guess she is still living with that old woman out in the country somewhere. If you'll let
me, I'll go with you to Oz and ask him to give me a heart, and if he does, I will go back to the
Munchkin maiden and marry her, in a heartbeat.

A MOMENT. THE TIN MAN SIGHS.

SCARECROW
Eh, I don't know. I think I'm still sold on the brain idea. Besides, a fool would not know what to do with
a heart if he had one.

TIN MAN

Then why do so many fools fall in love?

DOROTHY
All right, you two. After we find the wizard, then you can fight about your brains and your hearts all
you want, but for now, let's follow the yellow brick road.

THEY DO.

SCENE 4 – THE COWARDLY LION

TIN MAN
Stop! Nobody move. I think I've stepped on a beetle.
THEY ALL PAUSE.
This is terrible. There she was, minding her own beetle business, when a big metal foot comes crashing
down out of the sky. What if she had a family? What will happen to her tiny beetle babies? Great, here
come the water works. Now my mouth will rust shut again and then who will tell those little baby
beetles the horrible news.
TIN MAN WEEPS. SCARECROW LOOKS DOWN.

SCARECROW
Do you mean that beetle?

TIN MAN
What?

SCARECROW
There's a beetle right there, by your feet. Safe and sound.

TIN MAN
What a relief. I can't afford to be cruel, I'm already heartless. Until the wizard gets me a heart, I am
watching where I step.
THE TIN MAN TAKES A FEW VERY VERY CAREFUL STEPS.

19
 A DREADFUL ROAR IS HEARD AS THE LION COMES BOUNDING OUT OF THE
BUSH. SHE GROWLS AND LUNGES AT THE SCARECROW.

LION
Take that! Raar!

SHE RUSHES THE SCARECROW AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE GROUND. SHE LUNGES
A T THE TIN MAN, RAKING HIS CHEST WITH HER CLAWS, IT MAKES A NOISE
LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD.

TOTO BEGINS BARKING FURIOUSLY, THE LION TURNS ON HIM.

LION

You wanna make something of it, punk? I'll bite your head
off.

DOROTHY SLAPS THE LION IN THE NOSE.

DOROTHY

How dare you! A great big beast like you picking on a poor little puppy like
Toto.

LION
He started it!

DOROTHY

He did not. You're the one who leaped out of the forest and knocked over a harmless straw
man.

LION

Straw? So, that's why I could knock him over so fast. Is the other one straw,
too?

TIN MAN
No I am not. I'm made out of solid respectable tin.

LION
You oughtta warn people, I almost broke a claw.

SCARECROW
You oughtta warn people that you're nuts!

20
 LION
What about that little thing, is he made of tin or straw?

DOROTHY
Neither, he's a—a—a meat dog.

TIN MAN

And not a very big one either.

LION
He sounded bigger, okay? Sure, now that I really look at him, I can see he's on the smaller side, but—
Oh, who am I kidding. No one would think of biting such a tiny little thing except a coward like me.

SCARECROW
A coward? Who ever heard of a cowardly lion?

LION
I know. Lions are King of the Jungle, right? How do you rule the jungle when your subjects terrify
you? I learned that if I roared very loudly everything was frightened and got out of my way. If the
tigers and the bears ever really tried to fight me, I would have run away myself, but if I roar first, they
leave me alone. So, I'm alone, and roaring at everyone. But, between you and me, every time I see
someone coming, my heart starts pounding in terror.

TIN MAN

Oh, to feel a heart pound, even in terror.

SCARECROW You see, he doesn't have a heart at

all. He's going to ask the Wizard of Oz to give him one.

LION
Really?

SCARECROW

Uh huh. And I'm going to ask him for a... for a... I forgot.

DOROTHY
A brain.

SCARECROW

Oh yeah. I should ask Oz for a brain, then I can remember what I forgot to ask him
for.

21
 DOROTHY You
can come, too. Maybe he can get you some courage.

LION
He can do that?

TIN MAN
As easily as he can get me a heart.

Or me a train!

TIN MAN
Brain.

SCARECROW
Whatever.

LION
If you don't mind having a coward along.

SCARECROW

Sure! Soon enough we'll be thinking and feeling and couraging with the best of them.

TIN MAN
Dorothy, what will you ask the wizard for?

DOROTHY

I'm going to ask him to send me and Toto back home to Kansas.

LION
Kansas?

DOROTHY Yes, back to my aunt and uncle. If I'm not home

before suppertime I am going to be in so much trouble.

LION
Home, huh? Maybe when Oz gets me some courage, I'll have the guts to go back to my home and face
my fears once and for all.

SCARECROW

That's the spirit!

LION

22
So, come on. Let's get to the Emerald City! Just, uh, you go first.

THEY EXIT, THE LION TRAILING BEHIND FEARFULLY.

SCENE 5 – THE DEADLY POPPY FIELD

THEY CONTINUE ALONG THE ROAD

LION
Are you sure this road is...safe?

I don't know, it looks safe to me.

LION
But what if there are Kalidahs in this wood?

DOROTHY
Kalidahs?

LION
Bodies like bears, heads like tigers. All the clawing power of a bear, combining with the biting power
of a tiger. Terrifying.

TIN MAN
These don't look like Kalidah woods to me.

LION
What about hammerheads?

SCARECROW
Never heard of them.

LION
WHAT? They are the scariest, okay? They don't look like much, but when you get them mad, BAM!
Their neck shoots out and their big flat head smashes you right in the gut.

TIN MAN
You sure do know a lot about monsters.

LION
You can't be too careful out in this part of the country. You never know what kind of terrible danger is
lurking around the corner.
A POPPY BLOOMS FROM THE AUDIENCE, LIKELY AN AUXILIARY PUPPETEER,
WHO WILL THEN DIRECT THE AUDIENCE TO SPROUT MORE POPPIES AS THE
SCENE CONTINUES.

23
Look! A poppy!

DOROTHY
It's beautiful! And what a gorgeous shade of red.

TIN MAN
Something doesn't feel right here.
Hey, guys? Maybe we should stick to the road

LION
Why? They're just flowers. What are you so scared of, fraidy-cat?

I have no idea.

LION

Do you smell that? It's incredible. It's like nothing I've ever smelled before.

DOROTHY
I just want to sit here and smell it forever. I …
SHE YAWNS I
think I'll sit down now.

DOROTHY STARTS TO COLLAPSE, SO DOES THE LION.

LION

Me, too, I think I'll just lie here with all these poppies and...just...breathe it in...

TIN MAN

Uh, guys? What's going on? What's happening to them?

SCARECROW
It must be the poppies! Can you smell that?

TIN MAN
No.

SCARECROW
Me either! We don't have lungs, we're not breathing this stuff in, but those two, it's hitting them like a
ton of bricks. Quick, grab Dorothy and carry her away from those awful flowers.

TIN MAN
Got it. What about the Lion?

24
 HE STARTS CARRYING DOROTHY TO SAFETY.

SCARECROW
I'll carry her. Straw is one of the strongest materials on earth!
HE TRIES TO PICK UP THE LION AND FAILS.
No it's not, it's weak and puny. Oh well. I guess we have to leave her behind.

TIN MAN
Absolutely not. The Lion is our friend and we can't give up on her. If she's staying here, I'm staying
with her.

SCARECROW
If only one of us had a brain and could think of a plan. A brilliant plan, like making a chair out of our
hands to distribute the weight so we could carry her to safety.

TIN MAN

That is a brilliant plan

SCARECROW
I know. I just wish someone would think of it.

TIN MAN
Oh, come on!

THE TWO OF THEM MOVE TO THE LION AND PICK HER UP, CARRYING HER OVER
TO DOROTHY, WHO IS BEGINNING TO COME AROUND.

DOROTHY
What...what happened? Did I fall asleep?

TIN MAN

It's okay, sweetheart. You're going to be okay. We just got a little side-tracked that's
all.

LION
I don't think my nerves can take much more of this. Even the flowers are trying to kill us.
SHE CLUTCHES HER FOREHEAD AND GROANS Ohhh, my head. If
we don't get to the Emerald City soon, I don't know what I'll do.

SCARECROW
You don't have to know. Look!

25
 HE POINTS, WE SEE THE EMERALD CITY IN THE DISTANCE. IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
THE COMPANIONS LAUGH AND START TO RUN FORWARD. AN EMERALD CITY
GUARD BLOCKS THEIR PATH.

GUARD

Hold it right there, you ragamuffins. What do you think you're doing?

DOROTHY
We've come to the Emerald City to see the Wizard of
Oz.

A PAUSE. THE GUARD LAUGHS IN THEIR FACES.

GUARD
Uh, you can't just walk up to the Emerald City and “see” the wizard. Ha! See the wizard, that's cute.
That's a good one. Well, have a good trip back, okay? Bye bye,

DOROTHY
Wait! We've come a long way.

GUARD
Then you've got a long way back. Bye bye now.

TIN MAN
Where's your compassion?

SCARECROW
Don't you think he'd like to see us?

LION

We fought through some terrifying flowers just to get

here.

GUARD

I'm sorry, no one sees the Wizard. That's just the way it
is.

DOROTHY
Um, why?

GUARD
What did you say?

26
 DOROTHY
Why does no one see the Wizard?

GUARD
Huh. I guess it's because no one's ever asked before.

DOROTHY
We're asking now.

GUARD
Hmm. Well, since you asked.
Welcome to the City of Emeralds!
THEY CELEBRATE
Hold on! Not so fast.
SHE PRODUCES FOUR PAIRS OF GREEN GLASSES
First, you'll need these.

SCARECROW
Green glasses? Why?

GUARD
Because it is so beautiful and dazzling that the the splendor of the city will literally melt your eyeballs
out of your skull...unless you wear these.

LION

I'll take them. I've got a bit of a phobia about my eyeballs melting out of my head.

GUARD
Let me just lock these on, just in case. And if you feel any sensation of heat or impending explosion,
just shut your eyes and think of wallpaper. Got it? Everybody ready? Welcome to the Emerald City!

THE GATES ARE OPENED. THE COMPANIONS ARE AWED. THEY LOOK OUT AT THE
AUDIENCE WHO ARE NOW THE CITIZENS OF THE EMERALD CITY

DOROTHY, TIN MAN, SCARECROW & LION

Wow....

SCARECROW
Look at how green everything is!

TIN MAN

Green buildings, green windows.

27
 DOROTHY
Green people!

LION
Green ice cream and green popcorn.

DOROTHY
And they're buying it with green pennies.

TIN MAN HAS APPROACHED AN AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT IS NOT IN A

GREEN SHIRT.

TIN MAN
Pardon me, I just have to say, that your shirt is the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. It
brings out your green eyes. And green hair. Looking good.

SCARECROW
Wow! Even the leaves are green!

LION
Leaves are always green.

SCARECROW
Oh yeah.

GUARD RE-ENTERS, OZ'S CHAMBER HAS BEEN SET UP BEHIND HER. SHE
APPROACHES THE COMPANIONS.

GUARD
Hey, you wanted to see the wizard?

DOROTHY
Yes, more than anything.

GUARD
Looks like it's your lucky day, because he wants to see you.
But be warned, Oz is a master of disguise,a prince of illusion, a wizard of infinite power and
bottomless rage. So if you're just here to waste his time, you'd better turn around now. You got it?

DOROTHY
We get it.

GUARD
Good.
THEY ALL LINK ARMS AND STEP FORWARD.

28
 GUARD
Not so fast, kids. One at a time.

LION
Not it.

SCARECROW

You'd have to be out of your mind to go first, but I don't have a mind at all, so here
goes.

HE ENTERS THE CHAMBER, EXITING THE SCENE.

TIN MAN I
don't have a good feeling about this.

LION
Me neither. I can't bear to even think about it.
SHE CUPS HER HAND AND PRESSES HER EAR AGAINST THE CHAMBER DOOR.

DOROTHY

If you can't bear to think about it, why are you listening in?

LION
I don't want to miss anything. Oh,
I think I hear footsteps.

THE SCARECROW ENTERS, STUNNED

DOROTHY What
happened?

TIN MAN
Was he huge?

LION
Was he scary?

SCARECROW Actually he was a

she. And she was gorgeous. But mean. Like really mean.

LION
What? Oz is a gorgeous woman?

SCARECROW

29
Oz is a wizard. Oz can be whatever Oz wants to be. I don't know how wizards work. I don't know how
anything works. I still don't have any brains.

TIN MAN

Here, I'll go next. Maybe if I can get my heart, I can help the wizard find some compassion.

SCARECROW
Compassion? Good luck.

TIN MAN You

never know. They say all ladies are kindly hearted.

LION
Who says that?

SCARECROW
He said ladies, not lions.

TIN MAN
Oh come on, there's a big warm fuzzy heart in there somewhere. You and Oz both. Time to turn on the
charm.
TIN MAN READIES HIMSELF AND KNOCKS.
Pardon me, Oz, may I come in?
HE EXITS TO THE CHAMBER.
Oh!

LION
What? What was that?

SCARECROW

I don't know.

LION
Oh no! I'm afraid of the unknown!

DOROTHY
Of course you are.

THE TIN MAN ENTERS

TIN MAN
Well that was rude.

30
 SCARECROW
I told you she was mean.

TIN MAN Oz was

no lady. Oz was a beast. A big, hairy horrible beast.

DOROTHY
So Oz is a beautiful lady and a horrible beast?

LION
That does it. I'm going in. If it's a beast, I'll roar my loudest. If it's the lady, I'll pretend to pounce, and if
it's something else, I'll think of something on the fly. I'm getting my courage, and we're getting you
home, Dorothy.

THE LION BOUNDS THROUGH THE DOOR.

LION
All right, Oz, we've had enough of this...eeee!
THERE IS LOTS MORE SCREAMING.
SHE SCREAMS AND RUNS OUT, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HER. SHE
BREATHES HEAVILY, FROZEN IN FEAR.

SCARECROW
How'd it go?
SHE BREAKS INTO SOBS, COLLAPSING INTO THE TIN MAN'S ARMS.
(brightly) That good, huh?

DOROTHY
Lady or beast?

LION
F...f...fireball.

SCARECROW
Oof. Glad I skipped that one.

DOROTHY
What about your courage?

LION
I was too scared to ask.

SCARECROW
Looks like it's up to you, now, kid.

31
 DOROTHY SCREWS UP HER COURAGE AND STEPS IN, BRINGING US INTO OZ'S
CHAMBER.
THERE IS A LARGE PUPPET THEATER. WE HEAR A LOUD AND THUNDEROUS
FANFARE. DOROTHY TREMBLES, TOTO WHIMPERS
THERE IS A LOUD CRASH AND OZ IS REVEALED. HE IS A LARGE AND HORRIBLE
HEAD. HE LOOKS OUT AT THE AUDIENCE, THEN AT DOROTHY.

OZ
I am Oz, the great and terrible. Who are you?

DOROTHY

Uh... I am Dorothy, the...small and meek. My friends and I have come to get your
help.

OZ
My help? Hahahahahaha!
HE ROLLS HIS EYES BACK IN LAUGHTER, THEN SPIES HER SHOES.
Where did you get those shoes?

DOROTHY
From the Wicked Witch of the East, sir.

OZ
Really. How?

DOROTHY
My house fell on her and killed her.

OZ
Interesting. And what do you want from me?

DOROTHY

I want to back to Kansas. I want you to send me home.

OZ
Kansas?

DOROTHY
Yes, back to my Aunt Em st Uncle Henry.

OZ
Why should I do this for you?

DOROTHY

32
Because you're strong and I'm weak. Because you are a great and terrible wizard and I'm just a helpless
little girl.

OZ
Helpless? I think the Witch of the East would disagree.

DOROTHY
I didn't mean to, it just happened.

OZ
Listen to me, little girl, I will grant your foolish wish, but only if you make it worth my while. You see,
no one gets something for nothing. That's not the way the world works, not this or any other. You want
me to use my magic to send you home? Then you must do something for me in return.

DOROTHY
What do I do?

OZ
Kill the Wicked Witch of the West!
A THUNDEROUS SOUND!

DOROTHY
What?

OZ You heard me. You've rid the land

of one wicked witch, I want you to finish the job.

DOROTHY
I couldn't. I never killed anything, not willingly. And if a powerful wizard like you couldn't do it, how
do you expect me to?

OZ I do not know. Nor do I care. How you kill her is

not my concern. It only matters that she is dead.

DOROTHY What about

my friends? You're the only one who can help them.

OZ
I owe you nothing. Until the witch dies, no one's getting anything from me. Not a brain, not a heart, not
courage, and you will never see your family again. Now be gone, and don't come back until that old
witch is dead.

THE PUPPET THEATER SLAMS SHUT, THE HEAD VANISHES. DOROTHY

COLLAPSES IN TEARS.
THE TIN MAN, SCARECROW, AND LION ENTER.

33
 TIN MAN
Oh, Dorothy, what happened?

SCARECROW
Is he gonna send you back to Kansas?

LION You
idiot, does it look like she's going back to Kansas?

DOROTHY
It was terrible, just terrible. The wizard says he will never send me back, unless I kill the Wicked
Witch of the West.

TIN MAN How awful! I can't stand the

thought of us harming someone, even if they are a witch

SCARECROW
Surely you can reason with him.

DOROTHY There is no him to reason

with. Oz wasn't a man at all, he's a huge, horrible head.

TIN MAN A
head? Just a head?

DOROTHY
Uh huh.

LION That is the

grossest and most terrifying thing I've ever heard.

DOROTHY
You're telling me.

LION What do
we do now? How am I going to get my courage?

TIN MAN
And my heart?

SCARECROW
And my heart?

TIN MAN
Brain.

34
 SCARECROW
Right, brain.

TIN MAN And, we

have to get you back to Kansas. What do we do now?

DOROTHY

I think... we head West.

THEY LOOK TO ONE ANOTHER AND NOD, THEN WALK BACK DOWN THE ROAD.

SCENE 6 – THE SEARCH FOR THE WICKED WITCH

WITH A LOUD CACKLE, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST ANNOUNCES HER
ENTRANCE. SHE CARRIES AN UMBRELLA.

WITCH OF THE WEST

What's all this I've been hearing about intruders in my territory? Who would be stupid enough to invade
Winkie country? Don't tell me Oz got out of his emerald tower and actually got his hands dirty for a
change. Let me take a look.
SHE TAKES OUT A SPYGLASS AND HOLDS IT UP TO HER EYEPATCH.
See? What'd I tell you, nothing.
Oh wait a second.
SHE HOLDS THE SPYGLASS UP TO HER OTHER EYE.
Well, well well. That's your raiding party – a tin can, a bag of straw, a kitty cat and a child? Ha! I guess
the Wizard of Blah has gotten careless in his old age. But wait, what is that brat wearing on her feet!?
The nerve! Let's dispatch them, shall we? Who wants to be a little wicked today?
THE AUXILARY PUPPETEERS HELP COACH THE AUDIENCE TO BECOME THE
WITCH'S EVIL MINIONS.
Where are my awful, terrible, crows? Let me hear you caw! (AUDIENCE CAWS)
Good! Now, you crows, go up to the intruders and peck out their eyes! Hahaha!
Come on, what are you waiting for? You aren't afraid of that scarecrow, are you? Oh, of course you
are.
Darn it! All right, no crows then.
How about my bees? Where are my horrible deadly bees? Let me hear your terrifying buzz!
(AUDIENCE BUZZES)
Now go, find the strangers and sting them to death! Just, uh, steer clear of that metal one, he'd just blunt
your poor stingers and leave you dead in little heaps on the ground. Double darn it.
Do I really have no minions who can defend me? Wow, it's hard to find good help these days.
But, no matter. Part of being a wicked witch is the power to accessorize.
SHE RETRIEVES THE GOLDEN CAP.
Now this is more than just a charming little hat, it's a hat with a little charm. You just gotta say the
magic words.

35
 SHE PUTS ON THE HAT AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT.
Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!
SHE STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT
Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo

SHE STANDS ON BOTH FEET

Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!
WITH A LOUD RUMBLING, THE WINGED MONKEYS APPEAR! THEY SWOOP AND
DIP OVER THE AUDIENCE. THEIR KING LANDS BEFORE THE WICKED WITCH.

MONKEY KING

You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you want of the Winged
monkeys?

WITCH OF THE WEST

Ah yes, the winged monkeys! So kind of you to drop in.

MONKEY KING

Oh, great it's you. You know this is it, right? No more monkey
wishes.

WITCH OF THE WEST

What are you talking about?

MONKEY KING
Everyone who puts on the cap gets three commands, and three ONLY. This is the third and final time
you can call us.

WITCH OF THE WEST

Already?

MONKEY KING
Oh yes.

WITCH OF THE WEST

You're kidding, right? There's no way I've called you three

times.

MONKEY KING
First, we helped you conquer the land of the Winkies and second, we drove the Wizard's forces from
your borders. Whatever cruel errand you send us on now will be your third and final command.

36
 WITCH OF THE WEST
Better make it count then. So, for my last command, you flying fleabags, go to the edge of the forest
and find the four strangers who have dared to invade Winkie Country. For the stuffed man and the
metal one, I don't care, but seize the lion and the little girl and bring them back to me, but take care not
to lose those shoes. If you so much as scuff them, I'll pluck out your monkey feathers one by one.

MONKEY KING
What should we do with the other two?

WITCH OF THE WEST

Unstuff them and dent them, I don't care, just get me the beast and those shoes! Go now, fly!
Fly!

THE MONKEYS TAKE TO THE SKY. SOME RETURN WITH DOROTHY AND THE
LION IN TOW

DOROTHY
Scarecrow! Tin Man! Don't you hurt them, you awful creatures!
Put me down! Put me down!

LION

Oh, this is not good, definitely not good. Dorothy? Dorothy are you okay?

DOROTHY
Lion! They got you, too! Are you all right?

LION
Uh, I've been better. I always knew I was afraid of heights. Now I'm also afraid of falling, flying, and
monkeys. I think I'm gonna be sick.

THE CAPTIVES ARE DEPOSITED. AS THE MONKEYS FLY AWAY, THE WITCH
STEPS FORWARD.

WITCH OF THE WEST

Good riddance, you disgusting winged windbags. Awful awful animals.
Well, my little would-be invaders, how was your trip?

DOROTHY
Who are you, what do you want from us?

WITCH OF THE WEST

37
Oh, where are my manners? I am the Witch of the West, the ruler and empress of this beautiful country
you were trespassing in. And now, I am your gracious host. Can I get you anything - coffee,tea, a
lifetime in my dungeons?

DOROTHY
We don't need anything from you.

WITCH OF THE WEST

What about you, Lion? A magnificent beast like you deserves the royal treatment. Why don't you join
me? You could be the head of my personal guard. You think you got the guts?
SHE MOVES TOWARD THE LION WHO FLINCHES.
What's the matter? Are you afraid of me? Why you're nothing but a coward.
SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS AT THE LION WHO FREEZES
Here, housecat, take that bucket and mop my floors with your tail. Make yourself useful for a change.
Do it!

LION
Yes, your wickedness.

THE LION GRABS THE BUCKET AND IT SLOSHES. THE WITCH RECOILS, HIDING

BEHIND HER UMBRELLA.

WITCH OF THE WEST

Watch it with that thing! You'll flood the place!

DOROTHY You
leave her alone! Why don't you mop your own floors?

WITCH OF THE WEST

Honey, you think I have time for any of this? You try running a small dictatorship day in and day out
with every whiny little Winkie from here to the dark forest coming to you with all of their problems.
All I'm asking is that when I come home after a long, hard day of witchcraft, I don't have to scrub the
whole castle, too. Is that too much to ask? Is it?

DOROTHY
I guess not.

WITCH OF THE WEST

What would you know about it?

DOROTHY
I help my aunt with chores sometimes.

WITCH OF THE WEST

38
Sometimes, really? And how many times does she have to ask you, huh? Have you ever just picked up
a broom on your own accord without her nagging you over and over again?

DOROTHY
Well...

WITCH OF THE WEST

You children, you ungrateful children. Is it any wonder so many of us go wicked?
But you'd know a little something about that, wouldn't you?

DOROTHY
Me? I don't know anything about being wicked.

WITCH OF THE WEST

Really? Those shoes say otherwise.

SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS, FREEZING DOROTHY.

DOROTHY
Oh!

WITCH OF THE WEST

All right, girly girl, let's drop the act. You may have that bubble headed witch of the North and that
idiot wizard snowed, but not me. I can see through your little hayseed act with the pigtails and big sad
eyes. No sweet, little innocent farm girl goes around dropping houses on people and prancing around in
a dead woman's slippers. Those shoes aren't the color of rubies, they're the color of blood.

So listen up, kid. You don't know who you're dealing with. This is my country. This is my castle. You
give me those shoes, or I'll show you once and for all who's the baddest witch around.

LION
Don't you hurt her!

WITCH OF THE WEST

What are you going to do, meow at me?
If you won't give me the shoes, little girl. I'll have to take them.

DOROTHY
I'd like to see you try.

SHE WAVES HER UMBRELLA THREATENINGLY FOR A MOMENT, THEN STOPS.

WITCH OF THE WEST

Fine, you win. The door's that way. Go ahead and leave my castle before I change my
mind.

39
 DOROTHY HEADS FOR THE DOOR, CROSSING IN FRONT OF THE WITCH, WHO
TRIPS HER, MAKING ONE OF HER SHOES FALL OFF. THE WITCH GRABS IT AND
LAUGHS IN TRIUMPH.

WITCH OF THE WEST

You fool! That's the oldest trick in the book, the ol' Baltimore Trip-And-Grab. And you fell for it!
Literally. Now give me the other shoe.

DOROTHY
I won't.

WITCH OF THE WEST

I'm not asking you, I'm commanding you. I hold in my hands more power than you've ever dreamed of.
And I will get those shoes if I have to pry them from your cold dead feet.

SHE WIELDS HER UMBRELLA.

THE LION LEAPS UP AND GETS BETWEEN THE WITCH AND DOROTHY.

LION
Don't you dare!

WITCH OF THE WEST

You put that bucket down, you useless furball!

THE LION PUTS THE BUCKET DOWN, TREMBLING IN FEAR.

LION
Uh...Uh...

WITCH OF THE WEST

What? What's wrong? Are you afraid of me, Lion?

LION Y-y-y-yes, but I'm not going to let

you hurt my friend. You have to go through me first

SHE STANDS, TALL AND STRONG BETWEEN THE WITCH AND DOROTHY.

WITCH OF THE WEST

I can do that. Ha!
SHE CASTS A SPELL ON THE LION, MAKING HER DOUBLE OVER IN PAIN.

DOROTHY
Oh no! Lion!

WITCH OF THE WEST

Come on, kid, what good was she to you anyway?

40
 DOROTHY
She's my friend!

WITCH OF THE WEST

So? The world is a hard place, and only hard people make it through. She's soft, she's weak, she's
already done for. But it doesn't have to be like that. You've got potential. Come rule at my side. Let
those soft weak feelings drain out of you, leaving only dry brittle power. You and me kid, we can take
this whole world by storm. Like a tornado. Like a vortex, what do you say?

DOROTHY
You think I've got potential?

WITCH OF THE WEST

Oh yeah. A kid like you can do anything. You just need to put your mind to it. And I've got some
absolutely wicked ideas for you.

DOROTHY
Yeah, Well I've got ideas too.

SHE GRABS THE BUCKET OF MOP WATER AND THROWS IT OVER THE WITCH.
SHE PAUSES IN HORROR, AS SHE STARTS TO MELT

WITCH OF THE WEST

What have you done? What have you done?!

DOROTHY
Oh wow.

WITCH OF THE WEST

How did you know water would be the end of me?

DOROTHY
Mostly a lucky guess.

WITCH OF THE WEST

I knew I never should have put in hardwood floors. Let this be a lesson to you all, never mop! Oh, what
a world, what a horrible, horrible world. Look out, here I go!
SHE MELTS COMPLETELY, LEAVING THE SHOE BEHIND.

LION
That was amazing! And disgusting.

DOROTHY
Thank you for standing up for me.

LION

41
Of course. Anything for a friend like you.
THEY EMBRACE.
And look, you killed another witch. You're getting really good at that.

DOROTHY
Yeah. I guess I am.
SHE APPROACHES WHAT WAS ONCE THE WITCH OF THE WEST AND TOUCHES
THE BRANCHES LEFT BEHIND. A SINGLE WHITE FLOWER BLOOMS, PERHAPS
DOROTHY PICKS IT.
I don't want to do any more killing.

LION
What do you want to do?

DOROTHY
I want to get back to Aunt Em. I want to go home.

LION
Then let's get you back. Come on, there must be something useful squirreled away around here.
SHE FINDS THE GOLDEN CAP.
Hey, here's a cute little hat.

DOROTHY
It's got some kind of writing inside.
SHE PEERS INSIDE AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT.
Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!

LION
Uh, say what now.

DOROTHY STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT

DOROTHY Hil-
lo, hol-lo, hel-lo

LION
Seriously you're freaking me out.

DOROTHY STANDS ON BOTH FEET AND PUTS ON THE CAP.

DOROTHY
Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!
A PAUSE.
Huh. I guess it's just a funny hat.

42
 WITH GREAT FANFARE, THE KING OF THE WINGED MONKEYS APPEARS

MONKEY KING
Look lady, we told you, three monkey wishes, that's it! No exceptions, especially not for wicked old –
oh. You.

DOROTHY
Me.

MONKEY KING
You are not the Wicked Witch of the West.

LION
Nope. That is.
SHE POINTS TO THE STICKS.

MONKEY KING
Oh. My. Gorilla. You melted her?!

LION
Yeah she did.

MONKEY KING

Way to go! Awesome. Finally somebody melted her, who knew! So, uh, what do you
want?

DOROTHY
What do you mean?

MONKEY KING

You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you command of the winged
monkeys?

DOROTHY
I get to command you?

MONKEY KING
Three times. It comes with the hat.

LION
That is a very cool hat.

43
 DOROTHY

But I don't understand, why do you have to listen to whoever wears this hat?

MONKEY KING
It's a curse. See, when my grandfather was the Monkey King he dropped a prince into a river on his
wedding day.

LION
Did he drown?

MONKEY KING
No, but his very beautiful, very expensive silk clothes were completely ruined. And his wife-to-be was
a bit of a Bride-zilla, and an extremely powerful sorceress specializing in magical hats.

LION
Oops.

MONKEY KING

Yeah, you're telling me. So now, we are bound in service to this cap and its ridiculous
charm.

DOROTHY
Will you ever be free?

MONKEY KING
Not as long as somebody has that cap, but don't worry about it, really. It's not your fault, we're just glad
not to be serving that wicked old witch anymore. Seriously, what can I do for you?

DOROTHY Well, we need to get back to the

Emerald City, Can you bring me and my friends there?

MONKEY KING
You came with the metal guy and the straw guy, too, right? Yeah, sure, we'll pick 'em up on the way,
no problem.
THEY GET CARRIED AWAY.

SCENE 7 – THE MAGIC ART OF THE GREAT HUMBUG

THE TIN MAN AND SCARECROW SIT AND WAIT.

SCARECROW
Okay, I spy with my little eye, something... green.

44
 TIN MAN
Is it a tree?

SCARECROW
Yes! How did you know?

TIN MAN

Because you've picked tree the last SEVENTEEN times you made me play this dumb game.

SCARECROW
Oh. Right.
Okay, one more.

TIN MAN
Great...

SCARECROW

I spy with my little eye, something...flying?

TIN MAN
Flying?

SCARECROW

Come on, three guesses.

THE TIN MAN TURNS AND LOOKS.

TIN MAN

Oh no! It's the flying monkeys, they're back!

SCARECROW

Nope, two more guesses.

TIN MAN

But, it looks like they're carrying something, or someone. Oh no, is it the witch?

SCARECROW
Wrong, one more guess!

45
 TIN MAN

Oh! Look! Look! It's Dorothy and the Lion! They're safe!

SCARECROW
Ding ding ding! You're really good at I Spy.

DOROTHY AND THE LION RUN IN. THEY ALL EMBRACE

TIN MAN

Dorothy! Lion! I was afraid we'd never see you two again.

LION

You and me both. I've never been so happy to put my arms around a big piece of
metal.

SCARECROW
Oh, come here you big ball of fur. And Dorothy! My goodness, I can't believe you escaped the Witch
of the West.

DOROTHY
We didn't just escape, we melted her.

TIN MAN Ew!

SCARECROW
Awesome!

LION

You know what that means? I'm really going to get my

courage.

TIN MAN
And me, my heart.

SCARECROW
And me, some grains.

LION
Brains.

SCARECROW
Don't mind if I do.

46
 DOROTHY
And I get to finally go home.

TIN MAN
You know, I never asked, what's it like, your home?

DOROTHY
Well, it's not very colorful, not like here. The sun the and the wind and the rain beat down on the crops
and the houses until it's all kind of the same dry gray. Everything's sort of gray, really. And flat.
Everywhere you look, you can see the vast prairie stretching out around you, like a sea of grass, all the
way to the edge of the sky. It's a big place, kind of an empty place.

TIN MAN

It's hardly the kind of thing to set one's heart a-

flutter.

DOROTHY

Maybe it isn't. But, it's my home.

SCARECROW
I don't understand. Why would you want to leave a beautiful place like this and go back to a dull gray
place like that?

DOROTHY
You don't understand. For people like me, with a heart and a brain, home means something special. No
matter how beautiful another place may be, you still yearn to be back there. It's more a place, it's a
feeling. It's something you know, deep inside yourself. There's no place like home.

LION
Then let's get you back there.

DOROTHY
Yeah. Let's go see the wizard.

THEY PUT ON THEIR GREEN GLASSES LIKE ACTION HEROES PUTTING ON THEIR
SHADES, THEN TURN AND ENTER OZ'S CHAMBER, WHICH THE MONKEYS HAVE
SET UP BEHIND THEM. THE PUPPET THEATER IS CLOSED.

DOROTHY
We demand to see Oz the Great and Terrible!

THERE IS RUSTLING BEHIND THE THEATER

OZ (off)

47
Uh, I am Oz the Great and Powerful. Back already?

SCARECROW
You bet we are, and you owe us.

MORE RUSTLING, A MAKESHIFT PUPPET EMERGES, CLEARLY BUILT ON THE FLY

OZ
Hardly! What could I, a great and powerful wizard owe to you?

TIN MAN You told us if we killed the Wicked Witch of the

West you would grant our requests. Well, we have.

OZ
Really, you did? Uh...
Why should I believe you? What proof do you have of this great deed.

PERHAPS A PIECE FALLS OFF THE PUPPET, OZ PULLS IT BACK BEHIND THE
THEATER.

LION
We brought back her golden cap as proof that she's dead.
THERE IS MORE SHUFFLING BEHIND THE PUPPET THEATER.

OZ (off)
Uh...Uh...

LION
Well?

AN UNLIT FIREBALL APPEARS AND A HAND HOLDING A LIGHTER. HE TRIES TO

LIGHT THE FIREBALL DURING THE SPEECH.

OZ
How...uh...how do I know that this cap even belongs... uh... to the Witch? Ah shoot.
THE UNLIT FIREBALL VANISHES

DOROTHY
Oz? Is everything okay?

OZ
I am Oz the Great and Terrible and uh, everything is fine! Don't look behind uh, anything. Just stay
where you are.

DOROTHY OPENS THE PUPPET THEATER REVEALING OZ, THE PUPPETEER.

48
 OZ

I am Oz! The Great and Terrible! Uh, please don't hit

me.

TIN MAN

What is this?

LION
I don't believe it, he's a bigger coward than I am.

TIN MAN A
heartless coward.

SCARECROW

What happened to the head, and the lady, and the beast and all
that?

OZ
I was just making believe.

DOROTHY

You aren't even a wizard are you? You sent us to a powerful witch, and you're not even a
wizard?

OZ

Would you mind keeping it down? I'd really rather no one else
overheard.

DOROTHY

You sent a child to kill a witch, what kind of a man are

you?

OZ
A small man, a common man.

SCARECROW
You're not even that, you're a... a humbug.

OZ

49
You're right, you're right. That's exactly what I am. Oz the Great and Terrible Humbug. I'm just a two
bit puppeteer from Omaha.

DOROTHY
Omaha! That's not far from Kansas.

OZ
Yes, but it's a long way from here. I got blown off course in my hot air balloon and landed here in the
center of town. Seeing me come from the sky, the people here assumed I was a powerful Wizard, and I
found it advantageous not to correct them. So, I set up here in the palace, gave everyone green
spectacles to wear. and renamed it the City of Emeralds.

TIN MAN
You mean none of this is really green?

OZ

No greener than any other city. It's another little humbug of mine. Harmless,
really.

LION
But not all your humbugs are harmless. What about the things you promised us? What about what you
promised Dorothy?

OZ
Honestly, I was so afraid of those witches, I would have promised you anything just to have you get rid
of them. But now, I am ashamed to say, I cannot keep my promises.

DOROTHY
You are a very bad man.

OZ Oh no, my dear. I'm

really a very good man. But I'm a very bad wizard.

SCARECROW
Can you still give me cranes?

LION
Brains.

SCARECROW
Yeah, those.

OZ
You don't need them. You are learning something every day. A baby has brains, what you need is
experience.

50
 SCARECROW

Okay, that's great and all, but I was really expecting something more
tangible.

OZ
Ah. Okay. Uh, here.
HE DIGS AROUND AND FINDS WHAT HE NEEDS.
Here is some bran, and I'll put some pins in it to keep you nice and sharp. Now, bring your head over
here and I'll just stuff it in. There. You should be a new man. A new man with bran-new brains.

SCARECROW

Bran-new brains... I get it! It's a pun! It works! It works!

LION
What about my courage?

OZ
There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger, what you need is confidence. True
courage is facing danger when you are afraid, and this I know you have already.
But, I can tell by your face that this isn't what you had in mind. Let me see.
HE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT A FLASK.
Here. Liquid courage! Mind you, it's only courage when it's inside you, so now it's just uh, something
else. Here, take a good long swig.
THE LION DOES.
How do you feel?

LION
Braver. Stronger. Regal.

OZ
And now for your heart, are you really sure you want one? It makes most people unhappy, you're
probably lucky to avoid it.

TIN MAN All

the same, I think it's worth the risk.

OZ
Good man, 'tis better to have loved and lost after all.
HE PULLS SOMETHING HEART SHAPED OUT OF HIS STASH. HE AFFIXES IT TO
THE TIN MAN'S ARM.
Here, you can wear this on your sleeve.

51
 TIN MAN
Is it a kind heart?

OZ

The softest and tenderest I ever knew. Treat it with care, because like all hearts, it can be
broken.

THE FRIENDS ADMIRE THEIR NEW GIFTS.

LION
Now it's Dorothy's turn!

TIN MAN
Yeah, what have you got back here for her?

DOROTHY
I don't think a humbug is going to work on me.

A MOMENT OF SADNESS.

SCARECROW

You don't happen to have a spare cyclone back there, do

you?

OZ
What?

SCARECROW
That's what carried her over, maybe it can carry her back.

OZ
Now there's an idea.

SCARECROW

Really? Good job, new brain!

OZ

I don't have any tornadoes, my stuffed friend, but...I do have silk.

DOROTHY
Silk?

52
 OZ
Yes, to make another balloon.

SCARECROW
Now that's a good idea.

OZ
Come on, let's get to work!

THEY EXIT. MUSIC MARKS THE PASSAGE OF TIME.

SCENE 8 – HOW THE BALLOON WAS LAUNCHED

LATER, DOROTHY ENTERS, CARRYING A PIECE OF FABRIC. SHE MEETS OZ

DOROTHY
Got another piece!

OZ

Perfect, that should be enough to finish the casing, bring it to the platform right
away.

DOROTHY EXITS, THE SCARECROW ENTERS.

SCARECROW
It's really coming together, Mr. Oz.

OZ

Yes, I'm a bit surprised actually. I didn't know I could do any real
work.

SCARECROW
It's astounding what you can accomplish when you try.

OZ
You know, have you ever considered a position in politics?

SCARECROW
Me? Really?

OZ
Yeah, someone's got to take over this town when I'm gone, and you might be just the stuffed shirt they
need. Think about it.

53
Oh, that's the signal. I'd better get ready to launch. Sir, it's been a pleasure.
THEY SHAKE HANDS, OZ EXITS. THE TIN MAN AND LION ENTER.

TIN MAN I
can't believe she's already leaving.

LION
Don't you get started again. The oil can's almost out.

TIN MAN

I can't help it. The new heart is working overtime. I'm just going to miss her so much.

SCARECROW
You don't have to miss her too much, here she comes.

DOROTHY ENTERS.

DOROTHY
Have you seen Toto?

LION
What are you doing? Why aren't you on the balloon?

DOROTHY

I can't find him anywhere! I'm not leaving without him.

IN THE DISTANCE, WE HEAR THE MUSIC STRIKE UP FOR OZ'S BIG LAUNCH.

SCARECROW
That's the cue! You don't have much time.

DOROTHY
Toto! Toto!

SHE HEARS HIM BARK IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE BALLOON AND
RUSHES OFF AFTER HIM..

TIN MAN
She's not going to make it.
HE TURNS TOWARD THE BALLOON
Wait! Wait! She needs more time!

LION
She's coming back.

54
 DOROTHY RE-ENTERS, TOTO IN HER ARMS.
SHE RUNS TO THE BALLOON, CALLING OUT, BUT IT IS TOO LATE, WE SEE THE
BALLOON TAKE OFF BEFORE DOROTHY CAN MAKE IT.

OZ

I'm sorry! The wind waits for no one! Goodbye Dorothy! Goodbye.

HE'S GONE. DOROTHY IS DEVASTATED.

DOROTHY I'm never going to see my aunt

and uncle again, am I? I'm never going to go home.

SCARECROW
Maybe you can stay here with us in the Emerald City.

DOROTHY
But what about Aunt Em? She'll be worried sick.

LION

Don't give up, we'll find a way to bring you home yet.

TIN MAN

But how? The wizard is gone, and he wasn't even a real wizard.

SCARECROW

The wizard may be gone, but there's still a witch we haven't seen.

DOROTHY

Glinda! The witch of the South! Of course. The winged monkeys can take me there.

LION
You? You mean us.

TIN MAN
Yeah, we're a team.

SCARECROW
We're with you all the way, Dorothy.

DOROTHY
C'mon! Let's go get some monkeys.

55
 THE RUSH OFF.

SCENE 9 – GLINDA GRANT DOROTHY'S WITCH

THE COMPANIONS ENTER GLINDA'S TERRITORY, WAVING GOODBYE TO THE

MONKEYS.

TIN MAN Goodbye!

Thank you monkeys!
They really are nice guys, once you get to know them.

LION
Where can we find this witch?

DOROTHY
Probably over there.

ANOTHER GUARD IS PROTECTING GLINDA'S CHAMBERS.

SCARECROW
Great, another guard.

LION
Let me handle this one.
SHE APPROACHES.
Listen up, we don't need any of your sass or your smart remarks, we just need to see the Witch of the
South right now and we aren't taking no for an answer.

GLINDA GUARD
Well look at you getting all worked up over nothing in the heat of the day. Ya'll ain't from around here,
are you?

TIN MAN No,

we really aren't.

GLINDA GUARD
Well, things go a little differently down South. Why don't ya'll come on in? We got some sweet tea,
some Co-cola, whatever you want, we got it. Just set down and rest for a spell, I'll get the witch of the
house.
Hoo-oo Miss Glinda! Ya'll got some company.

GLINDA , THE WITCH OF THE SOUTH, APPEARS. HER GUARD EXITS.

GLINDA
Oh my stars and garters, visitors!

56
 DOROTHY
You're Glinda? You look awfully familiar.

GLINDA
Ah, you may have come across my sister, the Good Witch of the North. She's well meaning, but pushy,
and just between you and me, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, bless her heart. Some people say we
bear a passing resemblance...

DOROTHY
Well...

GLINDA

And I have those people run out on a rail. Let's leave that Yankee witch be. Got
it?

DOROTHY
Of course.

GLINDA
So! What are y' all doing in my neck of the woods?

DOROTHY
Glinda, ma'am...

GLINDA
Oh don't you ma'am me, we're family here.

DOROTHY
That's just it. My family is in Kansas, and I don't know how to get back to them. Please, can you help
me find a way home?

GLINDA

Hmm. I believe I may be able to help you. But first, may I borrow that fine golden cap of
yours?

DOROTHY

Of course! Although, you know, it's not an ordinary

cap.

GLINDA
Oh, I know. I was at that wedding. Hoo-ee, 'talk about drama! Now let me see.
SHE PUTS ON THE HAT AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT.
Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!

57
 SHE STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT
Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo
SHE STANDS ON BOTH FEET Ziz-
zy, zuz-zy, zik!

THE KING OF THE MONKEYS APPEARS.

MONKEY KING
You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you command of the winged monkeys?

GLINDA
Well hey there flyin' monkeys! I should get three commands, right? How about I tell you all of them up
front, and you can do 'em anytime you'd like, agreed?

MONKEY KING
Works for me.

GLINDA

Good, now Mr. Scarecrow, where would you like to end up at the end of the
day?

SCARECROW

Hmm. I think I'd like to go back to the Emerald City and oversee it now that the wizard is gone.

GLINDA
Fine. Monkeys, for my first command, I would like you to take Mr. Scarecrow here back to the
Emerald City.

MONKEY KING
That we can do.

GLINDA
Good. Now Mr. Tin Man, where would you like to go?

TIN MAN

Now that I have a heart, I'd like to go back to my sweet munchkin fiancee and beg her to take me back.

GLINDA
How precious! Monkeys, for my second command, I would like you to take this Tin Man back to his
lady love.

MONKEY KING
Absolutely.

58
 GLINDA

And Ms. Lion, same question. Where is home for you?

LION
The forest to the East of the Emerald City, Miss Glinda. I think I finally have the courage to face the
folks back home and take my rightful place on the throne.

GLINDA
Monkeys, for my third and final command, I'd like you to take this proud and regal Lionness back to
her realm where she can reign as Queen of the Jungle.

MONKEY KING
It would be my pleasure. Now, your commands are complete. But, Dorothy, I think you still have one
wish left.

DOROTHY
I do. And as my last wish, I command you to take this golden cap for yourself and with it, be your own
monkeys.

MONKEY KING
You mean it?

DOROTHY
I do, I think you've been punished enough.

THE MONKEY KING HUGS DOROTHY.

MONKEY KING
Thank you. Thank you a hundred times over. I will ready my monkey army to return your friends
home. But, I'll give you some time to say goodbye.

HE EXITS.

GLINDA
So that takes care of your friends, now to get you home. Look
down, darlin, what do you see?

DOROTHY
The ground?

GLINDA
On your feet.

DOROTHY
These shoes?

59
 GLINDA
You bet. Those are among the most powerful magical artifacts in the whole land of Oz. They can carry
you over the deadly desert and all the way back to Kansas with just three taps of your heel.

DOROTHY
Really?

GLINDA

Yes! You could have sent yourself home the first day you came here, if only you'd
known.

SCARECROW
Oh no! Then I'd still be stuck in the cornfield in Munchkin-land, with no brains in my head and a pole
up my back.

TIN MAN I'd

still be rusted stiff in the middle of the woods.

LION

And I'd be cowering in the jungle, scared of my own

shadow.

DOROTHY
Of course. I'm so grateful for everything. All of it, good or bad, led me to you, my friends. I am going
to miss you all so much. I can't believe I'll never see you again.

GLINDA
Now hold on, no one ever said such a thing, did they?

DOROTHY
What do you mean?

GLINDA

The magic isn't just in those shoes, darlin'. It's all around you.

DOROTHY

But Kansas isn't like Oz. It's civilized, there's no magic left.

GLINDA
Our worlds are not so different, yours and mine. Though your path may not be paved with yellow brick,
the journey is the same. Just remember, be clever, be kind, be brave, and never forget your friends. I
promise you, Dorothy, you will always see magic around you, as long as you remember to look for it.

60
 GLINDA KISSES DOROTHY ON THE FOREHEAD.

DOROTHY
Thank you. You're the nicest witch I ever met.

GLINDA It's just my Southern charm, darlin'. Now, you go

on back to Kansas now, and say hey to your folks.

DOROTHY
Thank you, thank you all. For everything.
THEY ALL EMBRACE.

DOROTHY STANDS APART.

DOROTHY
All right, shoes. Take me home to Aunt Em! There's no place like home.
SHE TAPS HER HEELS TOGETHER THREE TIMES, AND THE REST OF OZ VANISHES.

GLINDA
Ya'll come back now, ya hear? Bye bye!

AUNT EM CALLS FROM ACROSS THE WAY.

AUNT EM
Dorothy? Dorothy! Are you out here?

DOROTHY OPENS HER EYES.

DOROTHY
Aunt Em. AUNT EM!

SHE RUNS TO HER AND THEY EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER.

AUNT EM
There you are! We've been looking all over!

DOROTHY
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. And I'm sorry for all the other stuff, too. I'm really going to try
Aunt Em.I know it hasn't been easy—

AUNT EM
I know. Don't you worry about it, Dorothy. I'm just happy you're here and safe. Where on earth have
you been?

DOROTHY

61
Oz! I've been in Oz, Aunt Em. With witches and wizards and munchkins and
monkeys.

AUNT EM Monkeys? What are you talking about, child?

Your imagination must be running away with you again.

DOROTHY
Yes. Right down the yellow brick road.

AUNT EM
Yellow brick road?

DOROTHY
Can't you just see it Aunt Em? It cuts right through the center of the country, past the Tin Man and his
lady love, past the Lion on her mighty throne, past the deadly poppy fields, all the way to the
Scarecrow's palace in the City of Emeralds.

AUNT EM
The City of Emeralds? My goodness.

DOROTHY
It's not really emerald, though. You just wear green colored glasses, it's a clever little humbug don't you
think?

AUNT EM
Really Dorothy, I don't know what to think.

DOROTHY
Don't worry about that, just look. Try to look beyond, behind what you know. There can be magic
anywhere Aunt Em. You just need to look for it.

AUNT EM

My eyes aren't as young as yours, dear. I don't think I can see things like that
anymore.

DOROTHY
Then close them.

DOROTHY LOOKS OUT TO SEE THE CHARACTERS AND PUPPETS MAKE ONE LAST
FLEETING APPEARANCE. THE LION GIVES A REGAL BOW. THE TIN MAN WIPES
AWAY A TEAR. THE SCARECROW TIPS HIS HAT. OZ FLIES BY ON HIS BALLOON
AND A FLYING MONKEY WHEELS OVERHEAD.

AUNT EM
Oh my.

62
 DOROTHY
Aunt Em, do you see it?

AUNT EM
Dorothy, it's wonderful..

DOROTHY EXTENDS HER HAND AND AUNT EM TAKES IT. TOGETHER THEY
WALK DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD, HAND IN HAND.

THE END.

63