i’m not brave anymore but i’m not brave anymore

i’m not so strong anymore

no one is impressed
when i was younger,

i sat in a chair just like this one i don’t think about it much
in a hospital just like this one
it’s all in the past

but as the cuff tightens around my arm,

antiseptic air
i feel myself going back
and white walls

intense protocols
trapped in the grasp

my heart feels fast

i wish i weren’t a skeptic
memories flash of different hospital rooms
this isnt quite hectic
this one seems smaller,
and i might sound eclectic…
or maybe i’m just taller
but i feel still
i’m inside my own tomb

it is what it is.
there is a boulder pressing down on my chest
nothing new nor absurd
i need to rest
my childhood deferred
i hope i’m passing this test

spiraled crimson tubes

the wriggling needle
vial after vial - filled all the way up
i’m feeling feeble
sweet scrubbed up nurses -
queasy used to be easy
so impressed

“you are so brave” they assessed

i used to be brave,

but i’m not brave anymore