COURTSHIP

BY

AFOLABI TOSIN PETER

MATRIC NO: 08581

SUBMITTED TO:

PASTOR J. A DOSUNMU

IMPARTIAL FUFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENT OF THE COURSE

TITLED: CHRISTIAN HOME

COURSE CODE: DBS 328

ECWA THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY IGBAJA

APRIL, 2023
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION
STARTING OF COURTSHIP
WHAT IS COURTSHIP
WHY OR REASONS FOR COURTSHIP
PRINCIPLES INVOLVED IN CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
AFTER PROPOSAL
AGREEMENT TO PROPOSAL
THE PERIOD
CONCLUSION
INTRODUCTION
In Gen2:18 God sees the very need for man to have a helpmeet, which comes as a matter of
necessity. God formed the woman by taking a part out of the man. After this, man sees the
woman as a divine provision, and the very helpmeet so he called her Woman (Eve). The
relationship that existed between God and man made this process of provision a Smooth and
easy one. The first thing to marriage institution is a relationship with God.
Considering the biblical passage, God said;
“It is not good for them Man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
(NLT)
Please note the word "MAN”. This point stone of Gods requirements in to marriage institution.
One ought to be a Man (mature minded man). Before a marriage institution is fully established,
there must have been an existing Relationship between the two partners. Some relationships start
from normal to intimate Relationship via courtship then marriage.

STARTING OF COURTSHIP
As a Man who wants to start a courtship relationship, quickly consider the following
questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What are you living for (PURPOSE)?
3. Why do you want to marry?
4. Who do you want to marry?
Are you a man or a boy? Being a man is not a matter of age, but rather an all-round maturity.
Besides, he is one who is ready to take responsibility, independent and not planning to be a
liability to anyone. Your quest for going into marriage is a determinant factor whether you will
stay in or stay out of it in due time. Who you will marry is a function of who you are and what
you are living for, so work on WHO ARE YOU?
A path way to successful Christian home
I have come to understand that
"MISCONCEPTION" has become a great menace to homes (families) and some
Christian relationships are no exception. Under this topic, some key points that will be
Considered includes:
1. What is courtship?
2. Why is courtship necessary?
3. Principles require for in courtship
Just as we all know that human race is based on RELATIONSHIP, a man can't do
Without relating with someone at a particular time or location, more so, there are different levels
of relationship. The first relationship a man builds after that with the CREATOR is with one’s
PARENTS, and thereafter with others. Quote: The lifestyle you practice is a function of the
relationship you keep as a matter of Growth, Development and Understanding the ordinances of
God, man See the very need to establishing an institution called Marriage. Genesis 2:18 Then the
lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for
him.” Before marriage institution is fully established, there must have been an existing
agreement and coming together in relationship between the two partners concerned (a Man and
woman). This period is essential for knowing and understanding each other so as to establish a
promising family. This time or period of relationship is termed Courtship.

WHAT IS COURTSHIP
This is a PERIOD in between the very day of AGREEMENT to a PROPOSAL (to become
husband and wife), and the day of Conjugation (Wedding). Carefully observing this definition,
we can bring out four essential areas that must Feature before marriage can be formed. This are
PROPOSAL>>>>>>AGREEMENT>>>>>>PERIOD>>>>>>WEDDING

WHY OR REASONS FOR COURTSHIP

Courtship as a period is very crucial stage in marital relationship. It's the most ACTIVE and
SENSITIVE period of the relationship. It activeness has to do with bringing the two partners
together more than before, to a Particular limit Hebrew13:1, And its Sensitivity has to do with
the elasticity limit and outcome of the so-called relationship. Areas where misconception has
affected courtship are innumerable, in so much that some people have equated courtship as
synonymous word to Dating and Marriage.
Note: Courtship/Dating/Marriage, that is, courtship is not equal to dating and as well marriage.
Let's analyze some features of Dating.
Dating is not a biblical term and doesn't follow spiritual injunctions for true marital relationship.
Therefore as a child of God, you don't need to practice it or allow anyone to apply the practice in
you. 2Cor14:6-8 Dating is a worldly pattern for tasting and checkmating partners if they are
compatible or not. This process is like "try and error" system. Therefore such relationship is open
ended to disqualify a partner any time, if he/she is unable to meet the requirements of the other
partner. And these requirements include sexual abilities, dressing, social lifestyle, body structure,
Language etc. From these we observe Dating gives room to premarital sex and discrimination.
Note: Hebrews13:4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God
will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
Dating: it gives room for deliberate cheating that can lead to a life scar. As earlier said,
Dating gives room to partner outside wedlock to come together, living together under The same
roof in a room, doing everything as a legal husband and wife. This remind me of some
experience. Some guys on the term "dating", camped a lady in their room and they continued
living as husband and wife (They do call It campus marriage). They continued this practice for a
while and after sometime they say she doesn't suit their taste again, send her packing, there after
go for another hunting. What a detestable practice! This kind of relationship as resulted in
emotional and psychological trauma of some people, and some had led to eternal enmity between
some people.
Note: Until you are married, you are not yet married
Dating: It is not a fraction of LOVE but rather LUST, which is born out of individual infatuation.
It always tends to see and satisfy the present and forgetting life in the future. So because it’s
established on timing conditions, it doesn't last long but expire at a particular time. An example
is the affairs of Amnon the son of David and his sister Tamar, immediately after his emotional
satisfaction he hated the girl so much (2Sam 13:1-14). Consider verse One: 2 Samuel13 [1]Now
David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half-brother, fell
desperately in love with her. NLT. This kind of love is very hot, like water at a 100 degrees. Do
you know what happens to it immediately you switch off the source of heat? The temperature,
that is, the so-called love Reduces drastically. I consider dating as to buying an item in a
supermarket, to confirm Safety of its usage we do check the expiring date. Same way is dating
relationship. One of the partners is looking forward for reason/condition to stay or back out of
the relationship. So dating has a limited number of lifespan/time. The outcome/results of many
dating are always seen as a Mistake. I now understand the reason many opt in for abortion and
rejection and every day crisis in their family. Many couples today easily accept going for single-
parenting, declaring their former decisions as a mistake. But do you know at the beginning, the
relationship was glossy and rosy? Courtship is not Dating! After this few clarity on dating and its
features we can see that it’s not a good start-up for a desired out come in Marriage. Therefore it’s
of great important to practice true courtship.

PRINCIPLES INVOLVED IN CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

How to start a Christian courtship “Let brotherly love continue Hebrew13”
As earlier discussed, relationship exists at different phase and level of life. Going by this
statement, always ensure that wherever, whoever and however godly relationship is expected and
should exist between you and to all. Before any agreement to start a courtship relationship, there
must have been a proposal (from the man) which must duly come from a personal conviction.

PROPOSAL: This can be related to a tender request for a particular offer. Proposal can be in
different forms, presentation and concept. (That is on general perspectives).
As to this topic on consideration "Christian Courtship" Proposal is defined as a formal
presentation and declaration of one’s intent from a brother (the man) to a sister (the Woman) to
start and going into a marital relationship. Proposal should be on personal conviction to a
particular lady to become your future partner.

Factors to consider before embarking on proposal Read Gen 2

PERSONAL CONVICTION ensure you have prayed and continue praying on this Conviction
before declaring it. Proposal to starting a marital relationship must be done personally and
verbally (so if you are not ready to start or go into marital relationship, don’t make a proposal).
Marriage is not a childish play or program. It's not for boy but meant for a matured mind.

Proposal should not be logically stated or complicated but rather brief and clearly stated. Some
have abused it in such a way that a man will take a lady to a open party, playing ground and
other social gathering, and they logically shout out their hidden intentions to the lady (what a
confusion!), giving her no room of making a choice or a rethink. So, in order not to feel inferior
or to disappoint the man, she shamefully accepts the so-called call to marital relationship. What a
scary start-up! To clear the air on this note, it’s not a crime to make an open air proposal (in a
social gathering), but ensure it not for confusion or intimidation.
Note: Marriage is not a public affairs but your personal affair, so start it well.
Another mistake some youth have fallen into under proposal is equating friendship to proposal.
Many claims since we have been together all this while there is no further need for any proposal.
This has led to great heart shock even among the brethren. If you have an intention, say it out, it
will save you from future regret. Brethren its very important to define a close friendship between
a brother and a sister), so you won't be scaring away the right partner as at when due.

Proposal is not friendship and vice versa

More so, many have over-spiritualized proposal, whereby presenting their intentions in form
of mounting spiritual pressure on the other partner, this act is very wrong. I see some brothers
who will say to a lady "God said you are my wife and I know you can't say NO to God" This
kind of proposal is very harsh and absurd. You are both human; even if God is laying something
in your heart you need wisdom to present it. Don't use proposal To scare the lady.

Proposal should be brief and clearly stated

Proposal should be done in a godly and friendly environment, and with a conscious State of
mind. Though there is no specific place proposal can't be presented but Ensure it is with a
conscious mind. Proposal should be made in the right state of mind and to a lady in her
conscious state of mind.

AFTER PROPOSAL
After proposal the next stage is to WAIT. Go back to your waiting room and continue your
communion relationship with the Lord. Mr. Man, you don't need to continuing Perturbing the
lady over your proposal, give her time, (go and wait). Ensure to give the Sister (lady) time to go
over the proposal. It’s not a must you get the approval immediately.
Please take note of this;
1. Who are you?
2. What are you living for (PURPOSE)?
3. Why do you want to marry?
4. Who do you want to marry?
BITTER TRUTH: THE RESPONSE CAN EITHER BE A YES OR NO
Note: ensure its God leading you to starting a relationship with that lady.

AGREEMENT TO PROPOSAL
This is a moment of confirmation to a proposal. Agreement must be based on personal
conviction and not a confusion which tend to have a scriptural backing and should bring a peace
of mind between the two partners. For an agreement to be reached, the lady is expected to have
prayed and gotten an evidential feedback from the master (God). Since God is the one who
ordained marital institution, there is a need to consult God so as to get the right placement. This
time needs a great care in order not to make the wrong decision or choice. Besides, it’s the step
that precedes starting the martial relationship.
Pointer/signal
Ensure its God leading you to accepting the proposal, with this you can't regret Your friend’s
choice is not your choice, some lady tends to discuss their choice with their friends, without
considering the nature of such a friends.
Relate your vision with spiritual leaders and your parent as the case may be. As a lady, don't be
offended in getting as many proposals as possible, since they found out you are not yet engaged
they won't stop coming. So don't abuse the ones coming, if you are engaged tell them and if you
are not convinced to starting a relationship with him, then don't keep it to yourself say it out
politely, and let brotherly love continue.
If God has given you conviction/confirmation to the proposal, go and relate it to the brother. It's
very wrong to continue delaying or tempting the brother with your response (though it might not
be at the very scene of the proposal). This doesn't make you cheap or wicked as the case may be.
If positive, going with the proposal or negative, not going for the proposal, let your response be
in polite manner.
The scene of agreement is not a time to start expressing your long term hidden emotion such as
kissing, caressing, romancing etc, but rather collectively committing everything in to the hands
of the Lord. This also have no specific arena, but let it be in a friendly environment. Ensure to
start your marital journey by committing it unto the Lord. The agreement should be in your full
consciousness. This very step welcome you into the next phase called The Period/Courtship.

THE PERIOD
This a time, a season, a Session whereby both of you get to know more about each other.
Courtship should be built on the foundation of genuine love.
Note: God is Love, He alone can define what true love is, so seek God.
The first stage in this period is a call to come and see. Previously when distance relationship is
kept, many things never drew your personal attention, everything is seen more on general
perspective, but now it’s a bit different, why? Because, you have a more close relationship than
before. Consider it when you want to eat a boiled egg and you went and to a store to get a choice
one, you don't break it on the road but hold it with care until you get home, then after boiling you
can then know what you picked, if it's a good one or not. Same way is courtship period, your
coming together make more things to becoming clearer to you bit by bit. Some of these things
include: (1). Likes and dislikes, (2). Interest and hobbies. (3). Family members, background and
histories, (4). Challenge and milestone, (5). Successes and failure etc. Brothers and sisters, this
moment of seeing calls for a lot of discipline, caution and courage, because issues like seeing
some things that are not too essential/relevant can surface or arise as the case may be. Some of
this things include (1). White teeth (2). Shape of the body (3). Color of the eye ball (4). Numbers
of past odds, failure and disappointment etc.
Therefore don't allow the enemy to use it against you. Now that you have seen it, what did you
think helped you to see it? Yes! Just as you responded, you have come closer to each other. So
now what next?
Recall courtship is a call and built on the foundation of true Love, so it doesn't tends-to or lead to
the shame of the other partner. 1Cor.13:4-5. As to Dating relationship, after a partner have
visited all the local government of the other partner and then have discovered a particular
deficiency/abnormality, they quit the relationship and then continue to propagating the news to
their friends in order to make jest of the partner. However, in courtship it is totally different. In
courtship relationship, all you have seen and will see is not an avenue to mock the other partner
but rather to turn the shame to fame.
Is this possible?
So also do I think, but God said is anything impossible for me Mark10:27 Joseph in his courtship
relationship with Mary saw this very spot in the life of his to-be spouse, felt very depressed,
disappointed and confused (that is human nature), but he quickly encouraged himself to meet the
Lord (the founder of the relationship) Matt1:18-20. So, God told Joseph in verse20 Matthew1
verse 20 as he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of
David” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was
conceived by the Holy Spirit. This infer that “that which you have seen is not a reason for you to
disqualify her but rather a challenge/milestone which you need to face and win.
Note: The more you run away from your challenge, the more it runs after you and always there
to make you its victim. Beware
From this we can see that Joseph fears the lord and handles the word of the Lord with great
esteem. Not until we steadfastly follows and apply scriptural principles to life situations,
everything tends to fall to the negative path. Matt11:28, 7:7

CONCLUSION
Dear beloved, have you seen a reason(s) to back out of that relationship? Have you seen what
seem to be like a milestone/crossroad and everything surrounding your thought is to quit the
relationship? Turn to Lord, Talk to the Holy Spirit, He will help and guild you Right.