WEDDING AND FUNERAL CEREMONIES

WEDDING
A pastor of a growing church is expected to conduct weddings expected to last the long hall. It is
important to understand the immense responsibility the minister has, not only to conduct the ceremony
but also to provide spiritual guidance and godly counsel to the couple. The accessions of high divorce
rate in the church should tell how essential a solid foundation is in building a stable and healthy home.

The pastor has a role to play before, during and after the wedding.

 Before: Premarital Counseling

 During: Officiating the wedding (policies and procedures regarding usage of church facilities and
equipment.
 After: Post marital counseling

PREMARITAL COUNSELING

The right approach to premarital counseling encompasses three basic elements:

1. Instruction
2. Identification
3. Interaction

INSTRUCTION
Love can make the couple so starry eyed such that they forget the basic things of marriage. Like every
institution, marriage has its own rules of engagement. Instruction about the subject of marriage is based
on the eternal principles of God’s word. True, there are myrad of books available as resource to your
sessions.

Some of the basic subjects of instruction that help cuples preparing for marriage include:

1. Recognizing God as the Author and Architect of marriage

2. Recognizing the union that is established in marriage, not loosing sight of individuality but the
surrender of right to independent living.
3. Recognizing the respective roles of each person: the husband to be a Christ-like leader not a
dictator and wife submissive but not doormat.
4. The offering of mutual support: (Ecc 4:9 -12) Bringing out the best in each other
5. Establishing effective communication skills
6. The importance of friendship in marriage
7. Family planning and birth control
8. Sexual adjustment
9. Budgeting and financial planning
10. In-laws: the couple needs to know how to keep their in-laws from becoming out-laws.
IDENTIFICATION

Identification, the second element of premarital counseling, encourages the couple to realistically
identify and recognize the strengths and weaknesses or growth areas of their relationship.

This process is necessary because some couple marry for all the wrong reasons and must be clearly
supervised and scrutinized to avoid future problems for the church at large. Below is a brief summary of
some wrong reasons for marriage that should be fished out in premarital counseling:

1. Lust: it is natural to feel a sense of physical desire for the person one plans to marry but on the
contrary, it would be of great concern to a pastor or counselor if a person desiring to get married
did not sense any physical desire for the other person. it is advised that marriage needs to be
founded on far more than just physical attraction or desire.
2. Infatuation: falling in love in itself is not bad but it should be recognized that it doesn’t take the
place of growing in love together. If you merely “fall in love,” you can also “fall out of love.” Love
at first sight is not enough love. Couple should take a good, long, hard, second look to make sure
it is not just infatuation, but the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.
3. Being in love with the idea of marriage: this is different from being genuinely in love with a
person.
4. Fear of not getting married: some people are afraid that if they don’t take the present
opportunity to get married, they may never find another opportunity. Again, this is far different
from genuinely loving a person and sincerely desiring to sped the rest of one’s life with that
person.
5. Coercion(Pressure): some people marry to satisfy society, family and friends. Marriage is a
decision far too important to be rushed into. It is a lifelong commitment therefore both partners
need to get to know each other well enough to feel comfortable about the relationship.

Another form of coercion occurs when people mistakenly believe that the lord has told them to
marry a certain person. in other words, they feel cod is pressuring them into marriage. Phil 2:13. If its
actually god’s will that a particular couple marry, both people should exhibit the willingness and desire to
grow in these relational qualities.

6. Rebound Situations: Generally, it is ill-advised to enter into marriage while rebounding or

recovering from the emotional distress of a divorce, the death of a spouse of a broken
engagement or relationship.
7. Money: money in itself is not wrong to acquire, but it should not be the motivational factor for
marriage. Many have painfully discovered that money alone does not bring happiness or
guarantee a successful marriage.
8. Escaping problems: Some people marry with the mistaken notion, if I just get married all my
problems will go away. Mostly for people whole are lonely or in a bad home situation see
marriage as a way out. It mostly turns out to be a “from pan to fire” situation.
9. Pity: some have actually gotten married in part because they felt sorry for the other person and
did not want to hurt them.
10. Unreasonable expectations: some cherish the idea that the person they are marrying will be
perfect or that their bad habits, tendencies, personality traits, and so forth will change after
 marriage. You should understand that your chosen life partner is not perfect but both couple
are striving to make each other a better version of themselves.

INTERACTION: Amos3:3
Interaction refers to the couple actually getting involved in dialogue about issues pertaining to their
relationship. In other words, the couple doesn’t passively listen all the time. they are actively involved in
the process of counseling.

It is during times of interaction that couples will either find success in their ability to work through issues
and reach mutually acceptable agreements, or they will discover they’ve reached a impasse on certain
points. Some couple end up not marrying because of serious differences they are unable to resolve or
important areas about which they do not agree.

Of course, it would be unscriptural to marry a couple with one person is Christian and the other is not
2Cor 6:14-16. In other cases, the pastor may recommend a couple to take more time in developing their
relationship before marriage.

Policies and Procedures regarding usage of church facilities and equipment

Once it has been officially determined that there ill be a wedding, faculties needed to be secured for the
ceremony and reception. The couple should be taken through thorough prayer and intense time of
preparation. Attention should be drawn to the following:

 The ring
 Communion elements
 Officiating manual
 Marriage certificate
 Program line up with time

With good spiritual and natural preparation, the wedding should be a beautiful and memorable time not
only for he couples, but for all who attend. Weddings should be blessed at the alter of the Lord and not
at beaches.

After the Ceremony:

The ceremony only ushers the couple into a whole new life. What is done from thence on largely
depends on the couple’s preparedness and foundation built on God. A pastor must constantly pray for
the couple and care for them to ensure peace and stability.

Periodic visits and post counseling will suffice.