Aguilar, Jan Alia S.

November 20, 2022

11-STEM-St. John Chrysostom Big Performance Task

Outline:
Topic: Self-Invalidation
I. Self-Invalidation
A. My Experience
B. Definition of Self-Invalidation
C. What it looks or sounds like
II. Reasons why we Invalidate ourselves
A. Parents / Family Criticism
B. Strangers Criticism
C. Failed goals / expectations
III. Affects or Impacts of Self Invalidation
A. How it affects our relationship with someone
B. Attachment and Abandonment Issue
C. Mental Impacts
D. Physical Impact
IV. Ways to Gradually Reduce Self Invalidation
A. Practice Validation
B. Trust Yourself
C. Stop basing your worth on your achievements and on what people will say to
you
V. Motivating the Listeners
A. Giving Final Advice
 “Self-Invalidation means Self Destruction”
A pleasant day to all of you, today I am going to talk about a specific topic that
maybe some of you are unfamiliar with. It’s all about Self-Invalidation. I'm not giving this
speech just for the sake of myself. I'm also delivering this to inform you about self-
invalidation and what it appears to look or sounds like, as well as to persuade you to
start validating yourself.
"I'm overreacting" "I shouldn't feel this way" and "This is stupid, why would I feel
that way, it's my fault" are just a few of the things I tell myself when something
unpleasant occurs or when I feel horrible, sad, glad, tired, and so on. I didn't make a big
deal about it at first because that's what my parents, grandparents, and some people
around me do, so I assumed it was normal. When someone gets extremely upset at me,
I always blame myself, I always think I'm not good enough at anything, I always say I
don't deserve things, and I always belittle my feelings since that's how my parents and
some friends made me feel. Now hear me out: I'm not blaming them right now, and I'm
not blaming them for the fact that I feel this way because they're my friends and my
parents, and they simply want me to be tough as well as be in a good place. But I can't
say they're always right. They are correct at times, but not all the time. They were the
first to invalidate me, and as a result, I invalidated myself as well. I only notice I'm
devaluing myself too much when one of my friends asks why I always apologize for
almost anything even though it's not my fault, why I apologize for small matters, and
why I cry over stupid things. Self-invalidation is defined as not agreeing with your
feelings or dismissing them. And in other situations, this might make you feel useless,
unwanted, anxious, and even depressed. Additionally, self-invalidation is a major cause
of emotional pain and suffering. Self-invalidation is the rejection or invalidation of one's
own emotions. When you're trapped in emotional vulnerability, you're consumed by your
feelings, and when you're stuck in self-invalidation, you're criticizing or rejecting yourself
for experiencing these emotions, which is not normal. Self-invalidation can sound like
"Grow up," "Get over it, it's not a big issue," "Just move on," "It might be worse," and so
on.
They say that our brain is used to invalidating our feelings, in fact so used to it
that the invalidation path is easy to see, well-groomed, and well-marked. But, in my
opinion, that is not the main reason we invalidate ourselves. We invalidate ourselves for
a variety of reasons, including how our parents made us feel, how our partners made us
feel, how other people made us feel, and how we made ourselves feel. Some of us are
terrified of our families condemning us, while others are used to it. Self-invalidation can
be a sign of trauma if you have been invalidated by someone superior to you, such as a
parent, so you will always believe they are correct and it is acceptable for you to
invalidate yourself because they are your parents, they brought you into this world, they
feed you, dress you, and everything. But it doesn't mean it's right for them to dismiss
your feelings or to tell you what you should feel, because it isn't. Another factor is that
we are terrified of being judged by others, so we simply ignore ourselves. We're
frightened that if we open up to someone, they'll only compare what we're feeling to
something worse. So, rather than hearing it from them, you will tell yourself the same
words that you believe others will tell you. You rely on the words of others, which is
unpleasant. The final reason I see why we invalidate ourselves is that we set high
standards for ourselves to achieve and if we fail to fulfill those achievements or goals,
we will believe that we are not good enough and that we are not worth it. Instead of
motivating ourselves, we pull ourselves down and blame ourselves because we did not
do a better job, even if we know we did our best. That's where self-invalidation comes
in; we rely on our accomplishments, what our family thinks of us, and what others say
about us. We base our worth on the views of others and the accomplishments that we
attain.
Self-invalidation can have a variety of impacts on us, both psychologically and
physically, which will have an impact on our future relationships, whether they are
friendships or serious and intimate relations. You'll be reluctant to begin a new
relationship because you believe you're not good enough, and you believe they won't
stay with you because of how you see yourself. You will detach yourself from someone
you care about because you are scared that it will affect them as well. Even if you are
afraid that they will abandon you, you are also afraid that they will criticize you and that
you will disappoint and hurt them because you believe you are not good enough.
According to Psychologist Marsha M. Linehan, self-invalidation or invalidation causes
emotional distance, conflict, and disruption in relationships, as well as feelings of
loneliness, worthlessness, confusion, and inferiority in ourselves. We'll tell ourselves
that we shouldn't do it because we're not good enough. We will quit doing what we
desire because we are terrified of failing again and being humiliated by others.
We can gradually lessen self-invalidation by beginning to validate ourselves. Let
us stop doubting ourselves and continue to do what we want. Ignore the criticisms of
strangers, your parents, relatives, as well as your friends. Trust yourself and stop basing
your worth on what others think of you, stop basing your worth on accomplishments and
goals that you can't achieve. Validate and value yourself because if they can't value
your emotions or validate your feelings, you must do it for yourself. You may assume
that you need them, but you do not; more people are concerned with how you feel so,
think about them. Disregard and cut off toxic people who think you're too much and
ignore those who tell you what you should feel. Concentrate on yourself and the
individuals who value you as a person, and who respect your feelings and emotions.
Stop doing things for their approval and stop worrying about what you shouldn't feel
because it's okay to feel that way. Engaging in self-care and surrounding yourself with
healthy and supportive individuals is an important step toward healing from invalidation.
I want to end this speech by giving you sound advice; do not ever sit in your
room and isolate or lock yourself away just because you don’t think you’re good
enough. You are valuable and sufficient; what you feel is important, and experiencing
such emotions is normal. Self-invalidation will not benefit you. That brings us to the end
of the plot. I'd like to thank everyone for your time and consideration today. Again, self-
invalidation isn’t normal. Let’s end the cycle and start loving and validating ourselves.

References:

https://dbtvancouver.com/emotion-vulnerability-and-self-invalidation-continued/ - :~:text=Self
%2Dinvalidation%20involves%20rejecting%20or,yourself%20for%20having%20these%20emotions.

https://www.healthyloveandmoney.com/