Writing 1

I think most people think that multinational companies are

good for driving the economy up. These companies create
new jobs and can hire more people. The bad part is that, be-
ing large companies from other places, they sell different
things [,] and buyers want what is new and interesting, [start
new sentence because there are too many commas in this
paragraph already] [. As a result,] and that causes sales in
stores in the country to drop.

Also, we must encourage [local] companies from the same

country to also have [sales promotions] their sales
[unnecessary comma before “since”], since that makes the
country known and its [cultural image] culture does not [fade
or dwindle] fall. This is important for the citizens of this coun-
try, [and] that will make [your business] you have more sales
since if [more local customers] you buy [, ] others will [notice
and increase sales] buy and successively.

I have finally realized the effort that entrepreneurs make ev-

ery day to sell [,] and also the sellers are very friendly and
make the environment comfortable when buying. Normally
more sales are created by being a good person.

Katiana Serrano

Intermediate 4

Feedback: Good content and reflexible. You need to work a little bit on editing your
first paragraph. Avoid excessive commas. Try using shorter sentences for your
conclusions. The second paragraph needs a bit of vocabulary editing as well. Check
suggestions in [brackets]. Score: 15