ALES

of the

PECLJLIAR
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Svltonrcasr Punllcelrors
 Foreword .
"r,
The Splendid Cannihals . 1

The Fork-Tongued Princess . 19

The First\&rhryne . 33
?he Woman WhEr Befriendeci Ghosts . 55

Cocohroia . 67

The Figeons of, Saint Paul's . 89

The Girl Who CoulC Tame Nightmares . 97

The Locust . 119

The Eoi. Who Could Hold Back tire Sea . t3S

T'he Tale of Cuthbert . 155

TAttS *r trre pnilUtlAR
 Tlte oSplen,

he pecu-Liars in r

modestlr-. Ther
oul fancr- thirtg,
reeds. thev u-ere I
: . ,: ;:;c' L,,-,unri{irllv il their ga

d:r: :r::- :j'err humble homes see

.: :,r::,:,::ruck g-as so fair. zurd

[. w ,-{. :::: :la_nr-. after a long dar- o:
il
t./'. nr:: -:. -:.i-f S\r?nIpS.
i{=:-test uas their far-onte rit
{. --{:'' l:::-ircd the best tr-eeds that
I
:,,:..- =,i ::rcm onto don_lier- carts.
I
: '.:- : Ciripprng \\hippet. a fir.e
i .r, *iciiit u-ork. The s\i,aJnp\\-
I .-- - r,:iser-s q-ere ill-tempered ar

:,:::,: '*-dr holes and plagued br

{- :-- i::-:-i. such as s-hen Farmer Pr

-"-:" .:r:denmllr- so-thed off hi_s n

 Vfu e rSp{endid Cayani&afs

he peculiars in the village of Swampmuck lived very

modestly. They were farmers, and though they didn't
own fancy things and lived in flimsy houses made of
reeds, they were healthy andjoyful and wanted for little.

Food grew bountifully in their gardens, clean water ran in the streams,
and even their humble homes seemed like luxuries because the weather
in Srvampmuck was so fair, and the villagers were so devoted to their
n-ork that many, after a long day of mucking, would simply lie down and

.leep in their swamps.

Harvest was their favorite time of year. Working round the clock,
ther- gathered the best weeds that had grown in the swamp that season,
bundled them onto donkey carts, and drove their bounty to the market
to*rr of Chipping Whippet, a five days'ride, to sell what they could. It
nas difficult work. The swampweed was rough and tore their hands.
The donkeys were ill-tempered and apt to bite. The road to market was
pitted with holes and plagued by thieves. There were often grievous
accidents, such as when Farmer Pullman, in a fit of overzealous harvest-
ing, accidentally scythed off his neighbor's leg. The neighbor, Farmer
 TAI-ES of i.hc PLaCULiAR

Ha1'worth, was understandably upset, but the villagers were such agree- * ,\ -
-i ner-er malie it.,r the na
able people that all was soon forgiven. The money they earned at market -r-: -..:r. rhe silk-robed ladr
.

was paltry but enough to buy necessities and some rations of goat-rump :- ---.:.
besides, and with that rare treat as their centerpiece they threw a rau- .:-t rri]aoers. mor-ed to com
cous festival that went on for days. --.*::::. :r'_,ught the fallen lach- a
That very year, just after the festival had ended and the villagers -:: Tler- \\-ere gir-en n-ater anr
were about to return to their toil in the swamps, three visitors arrived. r.- - : .._zrn \illagers crou-ded ar,tr
Swampmuck rarely had visitors of any kind, as it was not the sort of *r--r't lhem
spacel' sard Fa
place people wanted to visit, and it had certainly never had visitors like __* ic:t_

these: two men and a lady dressed head to toe in lush brocaded silk, *li . ,:-er need a doctor!'' _.air

riding on the backs of three fine Arabian horses. But though the visitors -,',=
":en't sick.', the mal sd
were obviously rich, they looked emaciated and swayed weakly in their - :_- . t-eek ago. and tr-e ha.r,en.
bejeweled saddles. :.:::-.r Sallr g-ondered rr-hr-
The villagers gathered around them curiously, marveling at their t* -. : : ,,,d fton fellotr-trar-elers
beautiful clothes and horses. .:r" l:"-iirad. she ordered some
"Don't get too close!" Farmer Sally warned. "They look as if they " r' -.r_:n-eed soup
and mi-liet br
might be sick." :: ',
:: I,rnt the festir-al-but ri he
"We're on a journey to the coast of Meekr" I explained one of the -
- -.: - -:-c tirod an-ar-.
visitors, a man who seemed to be the only one strong enough to speak. *- ,:, ,11'1 mean to be rude.., saic

"We were accosted by bandits some weeks ago and, though we were -l s:,r,lr'it's a humble spread..-
able to outrun them, we got badly lost. We've been turning circles ever ' rid
' .-, ro feasts fit for kings. bLrr i
since,looking for the old Roman Road." '"1: r,.n't that."
the man said. ..C
"You're nowhere near the Roman Roadr" said Farmer Sally. :. "-".s sulpll- can't process them. -\
"Or the coast of Meek," said Farmer Pullman. ---. :i.ke us x'eaker.tt

"How far is itP" the visitor asked. The rillagers were confilsed. ,.1

"Six days'rider" answered Farmer Sally. r-'--jl-.]-r." asked Farmer Pullma'. ..d
"People." the man replied.

i. .!n historic zcine of ei:;itre ihor.rgirt tc lie soirieurllo;:c or.iihin nlociern-clav Cornwa]l" Er-e n-one in the small house t,rr
 T1{E SP I_ti.,t Di [] CA t"{ t{ t Bl,LS

"'";:e such agree- "We'll never make it," the man said darkly.
: -.rre d at market At that, the silk-robed lady slumped in her saddle and fell to the
::_i,:rf goat-rump {round.

--.',- threw a rau- The villagers, moved to compassion despite their concerns about
disease, brought the fallen lady and her companions into the nearest
:srr,".: ::-d fie villagers house. They were given water and made comfortable in beds of straw,

hr*- '"iitors arrived. and a dozen villagers crowded around them offering help.

iw r e:-i :t,,rt the sort of "Give them space!" said Farmer Pullman. "They're exhausted;
1n'' :: ::d lisitors like thev need rest!"

n '-.:- brocaded siik, "No, they need a doctor!" said Farmer Sally.
3nu. :-,--irh the visitors "We aren't sick," the man said. "We're hungry. Our supplies ran
t:rut orrer a week ago, and we haven't had a bite to eat since then."
Farmer Sally wondered why such wealthy people hadn't simply

:--'r-eling at their bought food from fellow travelers on the road, but she was too polite
ro ask. Instead, she ordered some village boys to run and fetch bowls
of swampweed soup and millet bread and what little goat-rump was
left over from the festival-but when it was laid before the visitors, they

.::: .Lned one of the rurned the food away.

ttl don't mean to be ruder" said the man, ttbut
,:-1 ::rr-ru$h to speak. we can't eat this."

L.:-. 'rrlugh we were "I know it's a humble spread," said Farmer Sally, "and you're prob-

,--j:--:.r circles ever ably used to feasts fit for kings, but it's all we have."

"It isn't thatr" the man said. "Grains, vegetables, animal meat-our
bodies simply can't process them. And ifwe force ourselves to eat, it will
only make us weaker."

The villagers were confused. "Ifyou can)t eatgrains, vegetables, or

animals," asked Farmer Pullman, "then what canyou eat?"

"People," the man replied.

, r rivail "
Everyone in the small house took a step back from the visitors.
 T4L,i5 n:ii trr {, {''E{: ljLIAi,t

"You mean to tell us you're , , . cannibals?" said Farmer Ha1'worth. -- .:::-': rr ieels a litile srar!
"By nature, not by choice," the man replied. "But, yes."
He went on to reassure the shocked villagers that they were civilized

cannibals and never killed innocent people. They, and others like them,
had worked out an arrangement with the king by which they agreed
never to kidnap and eat people against their will, and in turn they were

allowed to purchase, at terrific expense, the severed limbs of accident

victims and the bodies of hanged criminals. This composed the entirety
of their diet. They were now on their way to the coast of Meek because
it was the place in Britain that boasted both the highest rate of accidents
and the most deaths by hanging, and so food was relatively abundant-if
{

$1
not exactly plentiful.
ie

Even though cannibals in those days were wealthy, they nearly al-
fr!

ways went hungry; firmly law-abiding, they were doomed to live lives
E
$
of perpetual undernourishment, forever tormented by an appetite they
I

1 could rarely satisfy. And it seemed that the cannibals who had arrived
I

I in Swampmuck, already starving and many days from Meek, were now
i

doomed to die.
Having learned all this, the people of any other village, peculiar or
otherwise, would have shrugged their shoulders and let the cannibals
starve. But the Swampmuckians were compassionate almost to a fault,
and so no one was surprised when Farmer Ha1-worth took a step for-
ward, hobbling on crutches, and said, "Itjust so happens that I lost my

leg in an accident a few days ago. I tossed it into the swamp, but I'm sure
I could find it again, if the eels haven't eaten it yet."

The cannibals' eyes brightened.

"You would do that?" the cannibal woman said, brushing long hair
back from a skeletal cheek.

I
I
t
 'l {-{ t s Pi_l:h :nI li iAid}, IE;!i tr_5

J.:ler Hayworth. "I admit it feels a little strange," Hayworth said, ,,but we can,tjust
-et r-ou die."
- -,:\' \\'ere civilized The other villagers agreed. Hayworth hobbled to the swamp and
l'w* -:,ierslikethem, :,-,r-rnd his leg, fought offthe eels that were nibbling at it, and brought it
Mq : ':-;h they agreed :,-, the cannibals on a platter.

mll -: : -:- mm they were One of the cannibal men handed Hayworth a purse of money.
it!: li: - -,::r.bs of accident "What's this?" asked Hayworth.
-!!! :-":. std the entirety "Payment," the cannibal man said. "The same amount the king
-.r.lrr r,:i , : \leek because ::,argeS US."

"I can't accept this," said Hal.worth, but when he tried to re turn the
,,. abundant-if j-,irse. the cannibal put his hands behind his back and smiled.
"It's only fairr" the cannibal said. "You've saved our liveslr, A

&

The villagers turned away politely as the cannibals began to eat.

t
:"rmer Ha1'worth opened the purse, looked inside, and turned a bit
F
: .ie. It was more money than he'd ever seen in his life. {

r!&rr:J,r-: -,.;no had arrived The cannibals spent the next few days eating and recovering their
!ills , : ,- \feek. were now .:ength, and when they were finally ready to set offagain for the coast
: \Ieek-this time with good directions-the villagers all gathered to
,-" .: ^-*rge. peculiar or ',''-r,.h them good-bye. When the cannibals saw Farmer Hay'worth, they
*--- -. -e t the cannibals :- ,riced he was walking without the aid of crutches.

,,:: -lttost to a fault, "I don't understand!" said one of the cannibal men, astounded. ,,I
**,'; :::- ir-rok a step for- -:l,:tuo'ht we ate your leg!"

" '-:;::rs that I lost mY "You did!" said Hayworth. "But when the peculiars of Swamp-
- :- r :lllP. but I'm sure ::'uck lose their limbs, they grow them back again.r,2

.:i ii'ils :L ijrirc- :r I'er:i.ai;i tro13,-al-r 1l*lr:-;lr: rtr.;,, ,'..!lcn pcir:iiiars coulll lilre
-r- iiiri{ici)ei.i;irill itr fhr o1-rcn,.,r,itirti:-ii l,;l:r rii'persellriioti. Pecu]iars oI tiir:
:'rushing long hair
:.'r iiii'iiitti l.iirrnlsrivts irrh; !ycgl;s; rca:6rlii1g tg tlrtir alriii.r-r," a p-r.acticc ncyr
:ii ir,'ol:is ii ,.lrrr-l,rr.li;rilcs iri,]ralisrt alri iiriel-::er-'raliar hc;iiiitr,.