Maryam Siddiqui Siddiqui 1

Ms. Toney West

ENG 2D0-A

18 January 2023

Grieving in Silence

The irony of grief is that the person one needs to discuss their feelings with is no longer

there. This debut novel Phantom Limbs by Paula Garner explores the process of grief through the

protagonist Otis’s perspective. Emotions have the ability to influence how one behaves, reacts,

and thinks as a result people believe it is easier to suppress their emotions. An open discussion

about one’s feelings with others who are also grieving helps to start the healing process and offer

closure to this challenging time, as every person has their own way of handling grief with no

specific time frame. When losing someone or something precious, everyone grieves in their own

unique way. Grief may create despair in some, however, it can also help others cope with the loss

of something extremely meaningful.

Each and everyone will undergo the loss of someone precious to them at some point in

their lives. For instance, Otis lost his brother Mason and his best friend Meg left at the start of

the story. Thinking about Mason and believing that healing is a myth, Otis exclaims “You love

someone and they leave, but they never entirely go away. You feel them there, acutely, like an

amputated limb” (Garner 68). This quotation describes why Otis is grieving and how he feels. He

feels hurt that his best friend left when he was going through a very hard time and how it seems

as if she has moved on. The fact that he has not had any closure on the subject makes it harder

for him to move on. The denial and isolation one feels after losing someone or something

precious to them is considered to be the first two stages of grieving, which is then followed by

rage. Later on, Meg comes back after leaving for three years, Meg and Otis attend a party at his
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best friend Dara’s home, and Otis wants to start communicating with Meg about their

complicated relationship and address everything that has happened between them, but Meg

lashes out and mentions Mason instead. Otis realizes that “When Meg said she wanted to talk

through some stuff, I guess I was thinking she meant about our past and our complicated feelings

for each other. Not this. Why was this necessary? Was I not sad enough for her? Had I not

suffered enough? I was supposed to be trying to move on, not dredging up the past” (Garner

162). This passage expresses Otis’s anger, which is a stage of grief that one usually experiences.

It shows how not only is he grieving about losing his brother, but also about losing Meg. It

displays how Otis is still grieving and has not come to full acceptance of Mason’s death. The

grieving process may take years for some so it is crucial to have patience and let the grieving

process proceed on its own.

In addition, grief is the emotional pain one encounters after experiencing a loss of some

type, grief can be caused by the death of a loved one, or even the loss of a limb. Further in the

story, Otis and Meg fight in Dara’s house about Mason’s death. Meg wants to open up and tell

the truth about Mason’s death to Otis, but Otis refuses to listen. Garner suggests the

consequences of not communicating when Meg says:

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, because it would mean telling you what happened.”

“I don’t want to know!” I said, pulling my hand away and turning my back to her,

afraid of what she might say.

“You never wanted to know,” she shouted. “But did it ever occur to you that

maybe I needed you to know?” (Garner 227)

This quotation emphasizes how Otis does not want to face the truth, since the loss of a loved one

brings up difficult times. Otis feels that he is unable to handle it, believing that the pain will go
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away faster if he ignores it. In this case, the author implies that it is important to communicate

with others when grieving because sharing a loss makes a load of grief easier to carry.

Nonetheless, Meg finally starts to open up to Otis about the death of Mason and her life after

Willowgrove, as well as Dara going through her own period of grief and not wishing to live any

longer. As a result, Dara sends texts to Otis stating: “I told you not to worry about me….I’m

sorry I never told you I love you.” (Garner 325). Otis then flies into action to reach her. The

author is focusing on the concept of mourning, by showing Otis and Meg facing the truth and

getting through the loss of Mason’s death together. The two have been avoiding dealing with

their feelings and are experiencing prolonged pain due to it, so the step of talking to someone

about grief helps to bring them to acceptance. Regarding Dara, since Otis has experienced grief

and loss, one of the main factors that leads to Otis dropping everything so quickly and without a

thought to save Dara is that he was not willing to lose a loved one again. As severe loss may

result in a wide range of worries and anxiety. One may experience fear, helplessness, uneasiness,

and panic attacks.

Although the grief that comes after such a loss may seem unbearable, grief is a process of

healing. Otis embraces the pain, accepting that he and Meg may never work out and that it is best

that they go their separate ways. Coming to a resolution Otis states, “Maybe it wasn't a proper

goodbye, but it was a goodbye all the same. I stared at her message a long time before finally

texting back, I'll be thinking of you, too. I always am” (Garner 337). This quotation confirms

Meg and Otis’s separation and how it makes Otis realize that the relationship was not going to

last forever. Eventually, coming to the realization that she has her traumas to deal with and he

also has to deal with his own. Otis has been grieving over the loss of his relationship with Meg

for three years, so accepting that the relationship may not last is showing Otis finally reaching
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full acceptance, the final stage of grief. In the end, Otis concludes with, “And, like the rest of

humanity, it would be our destiny to be tossed and torn by events unseen and unplanned. But that

didn’t stop me from hoping we could somehow navigate it together.” (Garner 352). Finally, the

grieving process is near its end after all the rage, misery, and guilt have subsided. Otis is aware

that his and Meg’s life will still have its ups and downs, but he is optimistic that they can get

through it together. The author portrays through Otis’s character how each and every person has

no specific time frame or way for grieving and that it is possible that grief may stay with one

forever, but it does not mean he himself is damaged and cannot function after what he faced,

essentially stating he must accept and continue to live on with his life.

To summarize, when someone or something close to one is lost, everyone grieves in their

own unique way; grieving is a normal emotion that everyone encounters at some point in their

life. Although it may create distress in some, it may also help others cope with the loss of

something exceptionally valuable. Additionally, one’s actions, responses, and thoughts can all be

affected by their emotions. Many thus assume that suppressing their emotions is uncomplicated,

but to begin the healing process and to provide closure to this difficult period, one should

communicate and be honest about their feelings with others. As everyone’s mourning process is

different it is possible that grief may follow them for the rest of their lives. If one does not

express their emotions, one will never recover as the only cure for grief is to grieve.