y KRW PRE OL

“He was a Direction-Post, which is always telling the way to a place, and never goes there.”
(See Dickens’ “ Martin Chuzslewit.’’)
—
sO———-
 PUCK.
ORR eee eee eee eo eee eer

7 2p OF smash up rings; “said fraud; make everybody PUCK'S ESSENTIAL OIL OF ALBANY,
No. 13 North William Street, New York virtuous and sober by act of Legislature. After |
a time you will become such a personification ASSEMBLY. APRIL 111.
FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. of gentleness and goodness, and have so many Mr. TIGHE
= followers under your standard, that your little said he had at
JERMS JO SUBSCRIBERS. playful, private amusements in the shape of | last discovered
One Copy one year, or 52 numbers.......+-+0+eeeceeeeeeeees $5.00 pools, faro, or roulette, will rather have to be the chief cause
One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers.........+0000+se00s0008 2.50 encouraged than: otherwise. All work and no of all the ills that
One Copy for thirteen weeks..........-:esceecceesceeeerrees 1.25
play would make John Morrissey a dull boy. | flesh is heir to,
PostTaGE FREE.
= You might serve as a guide to our city officials | the ‘true in-
Notice to Authors and Artists. (Mayor Ely and Comptroller Kelly look at you | wardness” of the
Literary and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all manu- half in doubt and half in wonder), were it | existence of
scripts and sketches to not that, like Dickens’s Pecksniff, you are a
Editor “ Puck”, fraudulent Re-
13 North Wilham St., New York. direction-post, which is always telling the way. turning - Boards,
to a place and never going there. and the reason
SPECIAL NOTICE. of the postpone-
THE HAT OF THE FUTURE. ment of the mil-
Puck takes pleasure in announcing that the lenium — every-
next number will contain a new and char- As old Sol is once more beginning to exert
his sway, new spring and summer hats will be | ee thing was owing
acteristic poem by _ to George W. Blunti: fener of the Pilot Com-
the order of the day.
BRET HARTE, A fleecy cloud over what may be called the|| missioners, who had violated every known and
entitled: | north-pole of pale Luna suggested the idea to unknown law, both in and out of Christendom,
our artist, who has playfully depicted that lumi- | by disregarding acts regulating pilotage.
“AN IDYLL OF THE ROAD,” | nary in a hat—notwithstanding the assertion of | Dr. Potar Hayes considered that G. W.
to be published with appropriate illustrations. astronomers that the moon has no hatmosphere. ||Blunt was an angel in top-boots, and the House
There is absolutely no limit to the possibilities | seemed to think so too.
of our artist’s hat, or the uses to which it may | APRIL 12TH.
PUCK’S CARTOONS. be applied—a substitute for a family umbrella, — More lively times—a fight over money for
a parachute escape, a lamp-shade over the family canals.
IN THE SPRING. ‘* poker” table (in which case the hat should be | Mr. SPINOLA raised so many points of order,
TN the spring the young man’s fancy lightly of chip); a flirtation-tent, and a wheat-sieve | that he might have been mistaken for a porcu-
jk turns to thoughts of love, for a Connecticut farmer; but ladies shouldn’t | pine, and ultimately asserted that the Chair was
= And all animated creatures to the same wear it at the theatre, or they’ll run the chance | drunk, or mad, or idiotic.
emotion move. |
of its causing a striking sensation among irate | MR. STRAHAN objected to fooling buffoon-
playgoers. | ery, &c.
In the spring the birds of passage woo their Mr. RuGcLes moved that everybody and
mates upon the wing, A KIND OF WRITER. | everything lie on the table. Agreed to.
And the kite deserts the small boy weeping o’er| SENATE. APRIL 12Tu.
the broken string. | (For whom the cap may fit.) Mr. Morrissey, in the course of the New York
|
| local government bill debate, said, he always
In the spring the mother beckons—calls the | IS fame is great, and still it grows, | stuck to his party. Tammany might go to
darling to her knee— a
| | As many a rural reader knows. _ where it pleased for what he cared. It mustn’t
Waves her silken slipper, saying: Don’t you|| He stands to-day, report avers, | get in the way of the people. Tammany was
play no tricks on me!” |
The idol of his publishers.
| | very, very wicked, in fact it made him (Mor-
His printed sermons— are they not | rissey) blush to think of its iniquities.
In the spring the mild canary carols from his Beloved in every modest cot, Mr. Bixsy considered that all Democrats
happy heart, Where horrid culture does not dare | ought to vote for the bill. John Kelly might
And the mild mule kicks his owner over the Pollute the chaste domestic air, |get his walking papers, but they’d better sacrifice
potato cart. And where in thoughts and deeds we trace |fifty — than their democracy.
The nameless charm of common-place?
In the spring the turkey stupid roosts with Cupid
on a limb; His moral fictions—who shall say RATHER COOL.
E’en the lizard in his gizzard feels the wizard What limit bounds their social sway? A Mr. Snow lectured to the people of a
poking him. No foolish wit deforms his page, | Wisconsin village the other evening on ‘‘ Dogs.”
No worldly wisdom, grossly sage; Before he got a quarter through, the evident
In the spring the life throbs quicker in the pulse | No mere analysis we find |indifference and coolness of his audience made
of innocence, Of motive, character and mind; |him angry, and he launched out into a tirade
And the bootjack seeks the cats conversing on No idle contrasts of the sad
the moon-lit fence. against Wisconsin audiences in general, until a
With mirthful, of the good with bad; man in the front-seat interrupted him with,
And less than all herein has part || You needn’t be so touchy about it. If the
In the spring the housewife tries to make the The soiling touch of pagan art! | audience is cold, you’re to blame for it.”’
turkey-gobbler set,
‘*How’s that ?” asked the lecturer.
And sows cabbage-seed on flower-beds, think- But only in his work we meet ‘*Why, you carry two feet of Snow with you
ing it is mignonette. Counsels monotonously sweet; | wherever you go, don’t you?”
The Ten Commandments, well descried, The lecturer collapsed and left town by the
In the spring the youth and maiden linger in Condescendingly amplified; | midnight train.
the evening air. Truisms, old as they are true,
And she sighs, in broken accents:. ‘¢ Joseph! Repolished till they look like new;
don’t you muss my hair!” ‘* Cheerful philosophy,” that throws | ProFEssoR Lewis Swirt, of Rochester, has
Its gracious light on human woes, discovered a new comet asleep under Cassio-
In the spring they saunter homewards, never And giving honest doubt its curse, peia’s chair. It is about as large as the little
dreaming it is late, Kindly explains the universe! red parasite that feeds on the Nebraska grass-
And each keepeth each from falling as they EpcGarR FAwWceTT. hopper, and its finder claims that it has an eye
swing upon the gate. like a ferret’s, a shock of scarlet hair, and a
Ir is now clearly ascertained that nobody is | tail like an Angora cat’s.
responsible for the Jewett tragedy, except the |
JOHN MORRISSEY AS PECKSNIFF. deadly weapons themselves. They were ob- YEs, certainly; you are right, Mary Jane;
SENATOR Morrissey is certainly one of the served sliding in from neighboring stores the the host ought to make the best after-dinner
most prominent members of the New York previous evening, but no more was thought of speech—for he has the most response-ability.
Legi ture, both by his reforming proclivities, it than if they were so many cats. They lay
the forcible manner and knock-down under the bureau and concealed their insidious|
iaisiaiats with which he has been accustomed purpose till the time came, when they jumped | Or course the telephone can’t produce Il
9 ventilate his enterprising ideas. out and made the terrible havoc that has been Trovatore,—not—that—is—you know—not if
Go ahead, Senator Morrissey, continue to recorded. it is constant and regular in its opera-shuns.
 PUCK. 3
an AALAND AN AA ee eee eee ee eeeee

Puckerings. | '
BeEcausE the Widow Oliver is a grass widow,
| does it necessarily follow that her suit against
me about half-an-hour, Then they went and
hung their clubs up, and says the Captain:
The Sun says:
| Simon Cameron is a grass-plot? At all events, ““What is the charge against this man?” “TIll-
Mayor Ely has received several letters ¢omplaining of the filthy
| he’s garden’ against it. |
tratin’ an officer on duty. Drunk and dis-
|
condition of the streets. An anonynjous writer of one of them | orderly. Suspicious actions. Looked at a
said that the Police Commissioners should be assassinated because
they had neglected to clean the streets. house as if he wanted to break in. Resistin’ an
Miss Dickinson called Mr. Schwab “ Mr. officer. Shure he’s a desperate blaggard, that
If all our public officials who did not do their Winter’s feeder.” Judging from the attenuated
duty were assassinated, the country would be he is. I continded wid him near an hour, and
appearance of Mr. Winter, Mr. Schwab does not not a soul to help me.”
almost depopulated. do his duty. I was about to speak, when I got another rap
on the jaw from the officer who was nearest me. .
A FRIENDLY newspaper remarks: Miss Dickinson brought the critics to book, Then they took down their clubs and examined
ee
ee
OD
et
te
Se When in church do not chew tobacco and spit over the floor.
You would not do that in your own house. but did not succeed in bringing the public to their pistols.
How can you tell what we do in our own | book seats. “‘And look now at this,” said the vigilant
house, and by what right to you assume that we | officer, who had arrested me, showing my glove-
wouldn’t chew tobacco, and spit over the floor? | ALexis refers to his papa as “My Awful stretchers to the rest. The finest police in the
We shall continue to do as we please, and will Dad.” world clustered about the instrument, and I
not be bulldozed into adopting a country ex- heard the following remarks: ‘‘ That is what he
change’s notion of etiquette. broke open the bank with.” ‘‘That’s what
‘‘ FIGHTING parsons” may properly be defined they got old Tweed out with.” ‘It is clever,
Fee.
—~ as “men of sassy-dotal tendencies.” very clever.”
An Exchange says: Detective Ignawk came in. He looked at
Don’t judge a man by his family-connections, for Cain belonged
to a very respectable family. So the city licenses are all null and void. It me for a moment steadily; ‘It is him sure,” he
Certainly he did, to the first family in the | is an awful thought to reflect that we have been remarked, ‘‘it’s Jimmy the Dodger. Can’t
world. quenching our thirst illegally for six years. you see the resemblance? ‘The Dodger had
aneye. ‘This fellow has aneye. The Dodger
had two eyes. This fellow has two eyes. The
AFTER he had extracted the bone from his ONE would suppose that, down in Louisiana, Dodger had a stomach. Evidently this man
esophagus, he came back to the table, his eyes with plenty of Nicholls and Pack’-cards, they has a stomach. Why, the resemblance is per-
red, and a truant tear trembling on his nose. might at least play a game of draw. | fect. But I will make assurance doubly sure,”
‘‘Remember, Larry,” remarked his father in a said Detective Ignawk. ‘“‘The Dodger would
didactic tone of voice, ‘‘that you can’t hev holler, if you only clubbed him sufficiently.
hollerbut without bones.” The boy fiercely| Ir is not surprising that the Hera/d should be Boys, turn to, and club this man, and see if he
seized his nose with his handkerchief, wrenched so excited on the subject of hydrophobia. It won’t holler.”
therefrom the pearl of sorrow, and replied, knows how widespread is the danger, for all its
Then they took down their clubs, and clubbed
‘“‘Can too! I have seen a holler butt that hadn’t | staff have the disease.
me black-and-blue, until I ‘‘hollered.” ‘It’s
not a bone in it—not a blessed thing, but beer 12?

Jimmy the Dodger,” said Detective Ignawk,

And he dodged a boiled potato that came spih- and they hung their bruised clubs up.
ning through the morning air, and struck the | A DARING CAPTURE. Next day the papers remarked that “the
visitor in the stomach.
Sf, HAD just landed from the steamer, and | boldness and bravery of Officer McPhiggins,
and the sagacity of Detective Ignawk, in fol-
At the recent lecture by Gen. Newton, on Jif was passing what seemed to be a bank.
explosions, at the Cooper Institute, old Peter =" Tt was now broad daylight. I saw distinctly lowing out the faintest of all possible clues
through its many labyrinths and turnings, had
Cooper, of inflation fame, grew so frightened five masked men at work among a number of
resulted in the capture of that notorious burglar,
at the pieces of things flying about, that he safes. Presently there was a slight explosion.
Jimmy the Dodger.”
dodged behind a pillar, and waited in fear, I perceived that one of the safes had been blown
open. It certainly looked suspicious. On the PRENTICE MULFORD.
and trembling for the affair to blow over.
“Anybody, who wants to come up, arid examine corner I saw a police-officer. I hailed him.
into this thing, is welcome to do it,” he thought, He came quickly. I said to myself ‘how
*‘but I'll be blowed if Ido.”’ And when it was prompt this, the finest force in the world to stop THE PUZZLED SQUIRE.
all over, he sat down on his cushion with the the career of crime.” He came straight up to Ww ewe
contented air of one who had contributed no me, drew his club, and hit me an awful rap on \i.; HE Squire had made a glorious speech
small share to the advancement of science. the head. ‘‘ Take that,” says he, “‘ for disturb- >—~‘) To a thousand men or more,
ing the slumbers of the poor laboring men of a > And their plaudits shook the earth be-
Sunday morning. Have ye no regard for the neath,
SINCE a recent decision in a civil-damages quiet and pace of the Sabbath in a Christian And made the welkin roar.
suit in Brooklyn, many men have determined land ?” |

to provide for their families by drinking them- Just then the burglars, or those who seemed | He had no hearer more entranced
selves to death. All they have to do is to con- burglars, five in number, emerged : from the | Than good old Squire Klein,
fine their patronage to one saloon. A few dol- | building, heavily laden with sacks of silver coin. | Who long, but vainly, had essayed
lars will suffice to effect the desired end. The I heard the chink as they passed by. I raised | As an orator to shine.
process is a pleasant one, and is altogether pre- my arm to point them out to the officer who
ferable to ordinary life insurance. A verdict | stood guard over me. He hit that arm an aw- | Whose language was conglomerate,
against a thriving saloon-keeper is better than ful rap; ‘‘Is it threatenen me, ye are,” said he, | Whose literary guide
a due policy in most insurance offices. “if ye raises so much as a finger I’ll blow yer |Was ‘‘Graydorn’s Forms,” * a handy tome
brains out wid me pistil.” Kept ever at his side.
THERE would appear to be but one objection Said I, ‘‘w—what have I done?” * Done!” |
to playing poker with a blind man. Whenever said he, ‘“‘why didn’t ye kape on the right side For he had writs and deeds to frame,
you feel disposed to go so much better, it would | of the walk, and turn yer toes in? What did || And mortgage, bond, and lease,
be impossible for him to “‘see’’ you. ye spit on the pavement for, and kick a dog? |And the book was all-in-all to him,
What’s that ye’s got now in that carpet-bag? This Justice of the Peace.
THE Rev. Wm. McCaffrey is the latest dis- Give it to me!” and he snatched for the bag |
ciple of Mr. Beecher, whose flock has come to and knocked me down again with his club. | He waited till the throng dispersed,
his vindication, and passed resolutions establish- Then ‘he opened it by cutting the bottom out, And sought the speaker’s side;
ing his purity. ‘To err is human, to forgive put three neckties and a bottle of pomade in ‘“‘Chuch Wright,” he said, “I like dot speech,
divine,” is all well enough ia its way, but isn’t his pocket. ‘‘What is this?” says he, taking And I feel joost satisfied.
it encouraging human error a trifle too much to out a pair of glove-stretchers. ‘‘They’re my
keep on forgiving divines in this way? glove-stretchers,” says I, making a motion to ‘‘ Aldough the sun vos awful hot,
get up. Then he clubbed me all over. “Glove- | Und I vos awful warm,
| stretchers be ——
”
says he, ‘‘that’s what ye I dink dot vos a shplendit speech;
AFTER ‘Don Carlos,” with its inquisitorial opened the safe of the National Bank wid.
tortures, gridirons, etc., we are to have more But—vere you got de form?”
That’s the new machine ye’ve got for indacent | GaTH BRITTLE,
Wagner. Out of the frying-pan into the Fryer.
purposes. Come along wid me! I wan’t ye’s.”
Well, bJ
he took me to the station-house. When | * A convenient work containing the skeletons of legal docu-
THE Hera/d is of opinion that Anna is good the Captain and Sergeant saw me _ brought ments, such as writs, mortgages, deeds, &c.
The incident above related is strictly true,
Used in Pennsylvania.
as a score of the older
| at analectic work. in, they made a rush for me. ‘They clubbed |citizens of Allentown, Pa., will bear witness.
}
a.
 4 PUCK.
AAA
SOME NEW EPITAPHS. | the sky, at Gilmore’s Garden, and its new café
| chantant proceedings, while the stars twinkle
I |through the warm night near Central Park, let
_ us be retrospective.
ERE lies the body of Mary Hatch, | Astowhat? The theatres will do for a be-
lal Who has ended life’s strange story. | ginning. But let the real tragedy of the Brook-
She slipped, one day, on a parlor-match, |lyn fire be a blank, and whisper the names of
And was carried off to glory. its victims 4 bouche fermée.
| If our mind dwells ever so lightly on Bret
2. | Harte’s heroic failure of ‘‘The Two Men of you may come in. Annual spring cleaning.
Here rests my wife, Maria Bell, | Sandy Bar,” we shall see the face of one of Ah!
The sweetest of her sex. | them, however. For Murdoch pressing, as Don’t mention it!
I never loved a.dear gazelle, | Sandy Morton, the flower to his lips which the
But it handed in its checks. | schoolmistress has placed again in his keeping,
| is a picture that is not to be effaced, and as it
| appears, hallowed by time and his sad fate,I
3-
_seem to hear the tender voice of Mary Cary,
This stone is sacred to Horace Munn, | softly repeating: ‘‘I give you back the flower
Who could eat from dawn till the set-of sun. you gave me this morning; it has withered on
One day he eat till he fairly bust;
my breast.”
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
In the same house another picture was photo-
| graphed upon the memory, for there the won-
4:
derful face of Clara Morris glowed and paled,
Beneath this stone sleeps Martha Briggs, as children’s voices and a husband’s new-found
Who was blest with more heart than brain. | happiness swept JA/iss Multon’s heart-strings;
She lighted a kerosene-lamp at the stove, | and yet another, which is still a thing of the
And physicians was in vain. | present, shows its sympathetic outlines, where
| Sara Jewett weeps and Morant storms imperi-
% | ously, and, like a pillar of strength in a storm
| of human pride and almost hopeless passion,
This monument is erected Osip~’s sacrifice over self is illustrated by
To Ebenezer Brown,
Charles Thorne.
By the stricken bar-tenders
| These sweet bells, jangled in the potpourri
Of his native town.
of a hasty review, would be incomplete, did
' not Coghlan’s entree as A//red Evelyn stand
6. | clearly defined, like a st/houette, where mostly
Here sleeps John Murphy of Kilkenny; _ all else were blank. Yet again we see this real
In person he was long | acquisition to our stage in the picturesque dress
And thin. of Orlando, or, in contrast to this last stalwart
His troubles in the world were many, figure, watch him—‘‘a fine puss-gentleman
‘But he suffered and was strong who’s all perfume”—in the dainty garb of Sur-
(Of gin). face. Do not tell me that we shall lightly dis-
miss the remembrance of Emily Rigl’s grace—
iE | as Grace—nor forget with what incarnate d7io
Miss Davenport swept on to the stage in “The
Beneath this grave-slab rests in peace
Princess Royal.” Yea, though all the rest be
Our aged cook, Jane Skinner. : ;
“Blue Life’ and ‘‘ Glass,” or vice versa—there
The stern death-angel snatched her off | are dainty cabinet-pictures in that Fifth Avenue
While shelling peas for dinner. framework.
HucH Howarp.
Nor Barrett, following hard upon “ Sardana-
palus;” nor Aimée, touching the old man Adam
| in the new man Lecocq’s music; nor Wallack
ETHEREAL MILDNESS COME AGAIN! as ‘* The Awful Dad;” nor “ Forbidden Fruit,”
gee has been sprung upon us by this | with its neat perspective of Montague, Beckett,
AG capricious April, who forgets her custom- | Arnott, Miss Dyas, and Effie Germon, and its
ary coyness, and would, if she could, give | glorious and unanswerable ‘‘Charge it to
voice to “Il Segreto”— “it is better to laugh | Buster!’ can ever ‘‘ minister to us that sweet
than be crying.” sleep which we owed yesterday.”
Why, then, kill the fatted lamb, and let us
Pourquoi?
stuff it with pistachio-nuts, or deluge it with _| Because it is spring, and there’s the humor
mint-sauce, and be thankful. Do you know I of it!
really think we are not sorry that violets are in | We know that McCullough is bearing on his
season, and that the time has come when we broad shoulders the world of the legitimate
can shake the sawdust qut of our dolls prior to | drama, which is freshly discovered annually;
a fresh filling in the autumn. If we were all | we know that Wallack is skipping his pas de
the operatic Wilhelm Meister, we would rush | fascination in ‘‘ The Awful Dad;” we know that
down to the footlights and pour out our vocal |
“Our Boarding House” has still a first-floor
throats in a spring song of front in the orchestra-stalls; but spring is here,
“* O mon ceur, _ and we want to be a madrigal boy.
O—o—o—o-—o printemps!” The life of a madrigal boy is supposed to be
But as we have no Capoul-ary attraction (and passed between singing, ‘‘Spring, gentle spring,”
no voice), we content ourselves with doing and traveling, by the kind permission of Messrs.
neither that—nor anything else. | Jarrett & Palmer, on the Plymouth Rock.
For spring induces laziness, and between the |
swallows of molasses and sulphur, which we As soon as we shall have recovered
consent to take out of consideration for our Tooker’s benefit, it would be well to go and be
family, we indulge in the retrospect that lazi- _ a madrigal boy.
ness implies. | Weaving a wreath of crocuses from the ver-
Let us retrospect while the goose of the tailor _dant banks of Fifth avenue, and plucking, as we
hangs as high as spring custom demands, and |pass, the first violet that timidly peeps forth
the trees are shooting forth their buds below | from the moss-grown steps of Delmonico’s, we
the torch holding the hand of la Liberté in _ will go out into the summer-time, to recuperate
Madison square. | for the demnition grind of the autumn.
Before we rush into the summer solstice, with But we are forgetting all about the watering-
its old concerts, after the red has faded out of | places!
RAR AAO
The spring-fever has made us delirious; we
cannot be a rigal boy, save in our dreams!
We must plunge into the yellow sands along
with the same world we-see in the winter, with
the trifling change of their being in their sura-
mer-clothes. We shall be very glad to meet
them in town again in the autumn, I dare say.
“But let me not anticipate”--it is spring, the
air is full of fresh salutations, and—certainly
Must move everything. Oh! Sorry.
(Perfidious, too-forward April!)
WALSINGHAM.
POPULAR MISTAKES.
> EOPLE are mistaken when they think—
Hy That Lent is a penitential season de-
-o voted to disciplining the flesh; whereas
it is only a time set apart for fashionable young
ladies to get up their spring-wardrobes in.
That there are any more new newspapers
wanted.
That Di Murska is coming to sing with the
present Italian Opera Company at the Academy
of Music.
That ministers in fashionable churches are
more anxious to save souls than to draw crowds.
That so great a resort for male and female
loafers as Broadway, on a pleasant Saturday
afternoon, is the right sort of a place for a
young girl to promenade.
That the Sua is increasing its circulation by
abusing the present administration.
That it would be a pleasant experience to
walk over the East River foot-bridge.
That Wagner’s latest music will be the music
of the future.
That Commodore Vanderbilt did not know
what he wanted to do with his own property
| when he made his will.
|
That the streets of New York will ever be
|
kept clean until we organize a Vigilance Com-
|
mittee to tar and feather some responsible
| official.
|
That3 partner
|with: it is safe who
to argue
has upon business matters
a hand-grenade, two
revolvers, and a dirk-knife concealed about his
|
|
person.
That Miss. Anna Dickinson did away with
her incapacity as an actress by stirring up her
| critics.
|
That the frenzied shrieks of either the North-
|
| ern or the Southern fire-eaters are to be regarded
| with anything but contempt by temperate and
|justly-disposed people.
| That none of the inhabitants of Boston are
affable, good-looking, or born without eye-
glasses.
That Arctic explorers would accomplish any
definite good, if they should discover an open
sea about the North Pole.
That the aforesaid pole would be at all useful,
except as it afforded our Yankee brethren a
convenient something to cut their names upon.
That it will not pay the South to insure in the
company in which President Hayes has already
taken out his new policy.
STANLEY, the explorer, in a private letter to
a friend, states that the most beautiful spot he:
from |
THE statement that the month of April was,
in the time of Nero, ‘‘ Neroneus,” is by many
considered an-erroneous one.
Mr. RIGHTBOWER has been chosen head man
in an Arkansas brass band. On all public oc-
casions he will take the lead, and trump-et.
 SCENE II.
Hi
Kinc.—First let me take a pinch of snuff, to
Royal Back- Yard of a Frussian Inn. | show that I am “old Fritz.” (7Zakes snuff.)
S A-tchoo! a-tchoo! ( Exeunt.)
Enter James Lewis SpPyKE.
m2 *] i! J. L. SpyKe.—Shakspeare Daly
Enter FREDERIC COGHLAN ‘TRENCK and Miss
AGNETE Drew.
wrote this funny part—please laugh
at everything I do, and excuse my
AGNETE.—I am supposed to be in love with
being ridiculous. I am a comic you—do you think I am?
waiter. (Grimaces.) CoGHLAN TRENCK.—Please don’t ask conun-
drums. I believe I’m “‘spoons” on the Princess
Enter Count Von DavipGE LEN-
Pennyroyal; at least, Daly has made me so. So
DORFF and Miss GEORGIE AGNETE
you’d better retire, for I hear the rustle of her
skirts. AGNETE retires.
Drew.
Enter THE PRINCESS PENNYROYAL.
Count Von Davipce.—This is
PRINCESS (40 COGHLAN TRENCK).—What a
—my niece. (Mine is not a great
dear fellow you are! :
P part.)
CocELAN TRENCK.—That being the case,
Miss AGNETE. —This is my uncle. you’d better meet me at the Rev. H. W.
am supposed to be in love with Frederic

THE PRINCE
Beecher’s house, near the camp, and I'll lead
harles Coghlan Trenck. (Exeunt.)
you to the hymeneal altar.
PRINCEsS.— You bet.
A Novel Play of Very Temporary Human Interest. her old Maid. COGHLAN TRENCK.—Suppose you give us a
PRINCESS. —It’s
kiss. 5
KING CHARLES FREDERICK FISHER “ THE GREAT.” about time somebody Princess.—Not a bad idea. ( Zhey embrace.)
COUNT VON DAVIDGE LENDORFF, Grand Chamberlain. put in an appearance. (KinG and KERNER seen looking through the blue
LA METTRIE HARDENBERG, the King’s Physician.
(Retires.) glass, and afterwards listen at door.)
FREDERIC CHARLES COGHLAN TRENCK, an Officer of
Little Fortune.
(More grimacing by COGHLAN TRENCK (40 Princess).—I1 hear foot-
FRANCIS CHARLES COGHLAN TRENCK, his Cousin and steps, Fly! (She flies.)
Double. Spyke.) KiNG (outside).—It is she, the Princess.
J. B. KERNER STUDLEY, a Villain. Enter F. C. Cocu-
CRISP WOLF VON RAVEN, Frederic’s Friend.
LAN TRENCK. (As KiNG and KERNER enter, AGNETE embraces
JAMES LEWIS SPYKE, a Waiter. COGHLAN TRENCK.
NORTIER DREW, COGHLAN ‘TRENCK Kinc. — ) Can our eyes and ears have de-
D’AVILLA FORREST, Tho Looneyparty.
(to Spyke).—Give me KeErRNER. { ceived us? It isn’t she.
LONGROIS BENNETT,
MISS FANNY DAVENPORT, THE PRINCESS PENNY. | some breakfast. I'll Kinc.—Ah! Agnete, you love this Coghlan
ROYAL. take mush and milk, Trenck?
MISS GEORGIE AGNETE DREW, Somebody’s Niece. | pork and beans, root-beer and a piece o’ pie. AGNETE.—Of course, I do now.
Hurry up! and I'll take you into my service. Kinc.—You shall marry him to-night.
ACT I. SPYKE. — Yessir. (Exit.)
SCENE I. KERNER.—Ah! ah!
Coc. TRENCK.—Something tells me that I TABLEAU.
Ruins of the Castle of Lithuania, dreadfully out shall have to poke somebody in the ribs very
of repair—( Daly). | soon, but I dare say breakfast is ready.
Enter the LOONEYPARTY in masquerade costume. (Jn going he encounters Frincess.) ACT III.
LoonEyPpaRTy.—Fee! Fo! Fum!—ah! PRINCEss.—What’s your name? SCENE I.
Enter CAPTAIN KERNER STUDLEY. C. Trenck.—Trenck. The King’s Camp, and other scamps and Bo-
Ker. (40 audience).—lIt will not require a vast PRINCEss.—Go away, you nasty man! hemians knocking around; a Sentinel sentinelling.
amount of penetration to see that I am a villain Coc. TRENCK.—You mistake. I am not my
abominable cousin, Francis, although he looks Daty (in the wings).—Now,
and spy of the very first water. Ah! Ah! I then, Rosa and Mauri, go on
love the beauteous Princess Fanny Pennyroyal. like me—but my breakfast is getting cold.
Adieu! (£xit.) and dance, there must be some
I doubt if my passion is returned, for she adores applause to enliven this piece.
Frederic Charles Coghlan Trenck, but no mat- Enter CAPTAIN KERNER, with large envelope.
Ker.— I love you and have your letters. (They dance.) And you, Syd-
ter. I have some telephonagrams and postal- ney Cowell, give ’em a gipsy-
cards, which will compromise -her “some.” | PrincEss.—I hate you and I want my letters.
Ker.— You shan’t have ’em. song; you sing rather flat, but
Unless she consents to be mine, and live on a that’s of no consequence. (She
sixth-floor flat, without an elevator, I’ll expose Enter CoG. TRENCK, with table-napkin stuck in sings.)
her to the King. But here are the “‘ Looney- neck.
party.” Iknow the King wants to see them Coc. TRENCK.—She shall! Enter the Kinc, Crisp Wor
about that Five-hundred-thousand-million-dollar Ker.—Ah, my rival! von Raven, COGHLAN TRENCK
Loan, to carry on the war against Austria. Coc. TRENCK.—Give them up! and KERNER.
( Exit.) Ker.—Never. Kine (to Coghlan Trenck).—
Enter KinG CHARLES FREDERICK FISHER ‘‘ THE
(Zhey fight. Trench. runs Kerner through the I appoint you postmaster for to-
GREAT.”
body a few times, and hands envelope to Princess, night.
KiNG (Zooks round ).—The who smiles.)
**Looneyparty!”’ Oh! Oh! KERNER.—Good enough.
TABLEAU. (Exeunt King and Kerner.)
Enter LA METTRIE HARDEN- CocHLAN TrENCK.—Crisp, I want to slip
BERG as a Looney party (dis- | away and get married; take care of my post.
guised, of course,) and more | ACT II. Crisp.—I'll fix that.
Looney parties. ScENE.—A room with a very mysterious blue- (Coghlan Trenck slips away to get married.)
glass mirror (Daly). Enter four LOONEYPARTIES with five million
La MeEttTrRIE.—Well, old dollars, more or less, they deposit money in King’s
rooster! . Enter James Lewis Spyke. (e does something
with a candle.) tent.
Kinc.—Methinks I know
that voice. SCENE II.
SpYKE (40 audience).—Continue to split your
La METTRIE.—You want sides whenever I make my appearance. I really Enter Francis COGHLAN TRENCK, of the Aus-
money—good ; you shall have | have nothing to do with the plot, but am ready trian army.
it. Five hundred thousand million dollars shall to enter into the service of any of the charac- Francis C. TRENCK.—I am here.
be sent to your tent as soon as I have time to ters on the shortest notice. I am not quite sure Enter KERNER.
draw a check and get it certified. (xeunt.) whose servant I am now. Ifirst belonged to KERNER (fo Francis).—You're the image of
SCENE I. the inn; then Kerner said he’d engage me. I your cousin Frederic. I hate him, “Pull
A Free Pass Below the Ruins (Daly). | believe that, at the present moment, I am valet down your vest” is the pass-word; go in the
Enter Kinc and La METTRIE HARDENBERG. to Frederic Coghlan Trenck. (Exit.) tent, you'll be mistaken for Frederic, and steal
Kinc.—Arn’t you a Looneyparty? Enter Tue Kinc and KERNER. the five million dollars, more or less.
La Met.—Oh, dear, no—quite a mistake; it | Ker. (40 Xing).—Let us get behind that blue (Scene and everything else exeunt.)
must have been some other feller. (£xeunt.) |glass, and you shall see what pen shall see. N.B.— This is a particularly moving scene.
 SCENE III.
Interior of a Pastor's House and Garden.
The PRINCESS PENNYROYAL @md FREDERIC
CoGHLAN TRENCK seen through muslin, being
KERNER (looking through
chink in door with carving
knife in hand).—I’ve got
him now.
CoGHLAN TRENCK (siif-
ping away again).—Not by
a darned sight.
SCENE IV.
The Camp again.
Einter Francis C. TRENCK.
Francis (40 SentineZ).—‘‘Pull down your vest”
(he then steals and puts the five millions of dol-
lars in his vest-pocket). But Ill leave a receipt
(writes receipt). How fortunate it is that I look
like my cousin Frederic Coghlan Trenck.
(Exit.)
Enter the Kine.
KinG (finds money gone). —Somebody’s
walked off with all the small change.
SENTINEL.—It must be Frederic Coghlan
Trenck, he was in here.
Kinc.—-Is that so; where is he now?
Enter PRINCESS and FREDERIC COGHLAN TRENCK.
COGHLAN TRENCK.—What’s the row?
Kinc.—You’ve been off your post, and stolen
the money. I commit you to the Tombs with-
out bail.
CoGHLaN TRENCK.—It’s all a put-up job. I
didn’t steal anything. , psychical relations of sleep before retiring. He eternal in the light comedian’s breast, and to-
PRINCEsS.—We’ve been spliced; spare him!
Kinc.—Never!
TABLEAU.
ACT IV.
SCENE I.
A Cell in Murderers Row, Tombs. (Daly.)
y, -FREDERIC COGHLAN TRENCK
i (in his shirt-sleeves, with a young
chain-cable on his wrists).—lf
they.lock me up in a Herring
safe, and put it in the strong
room of the Safe Deposit Com-
pany, I'll. scratch my way out.
I'm a living Tight-un. I’m Sam-
son, Goliah, Hercules, and the
giant Gorgibuster, rolled into one.
(He knocks down several stone-
walls by leaning against them.)
Enter KERNER.
Ker.—Ha! ha! how do you like these lodg-
ings?
Lnter KING,
Kinc (4% Coghlan Trenck).—You may crawl
out of one of those holes and be free, but you
must say that you were only fooling when you
married my sister the Princess (takes snuff).
CoGHLAN TRENCK.—Right you are. (He
jumps through a hole in the wall.)
SCENE II.
The Caverns of the Looneyparty.
KERNER, LA METTRIE HARDENBERG and the
Looneyparty assembled to try COGHLANTRENCK.
La Metrrie.—Who makes the charge against
him?
Kerner.—I do. He stole the money.
CoGHLaN TRENCK.—I didn’t.
La METTRIE.—We find you guilty—but we
don’t think you are, for there is a receipt for
the money from Francis Trenck. Kerner
Studley is a fraud.
SCENE III.
cients Greeks. If a friend challenges his ad-
The Royal Tenement-house. miration for a new barouche, he enters into a
Enter Princess and KING. disquisition on the chariots of the Assyrians.
PRINCEss.— Let him off. His allusions to mythology are far-fetched
Kinc.—I have—he took a flying jump through | and frequent. In knowledge of life and the
a stone-wall _ world he is not to be surpassed. He treasures
Enter all the LOONEYPARTY and everybody. the memory of certain secret peccadilloes, to
THE. Looneyparty.—Let’s get up some ex- which he darkly refers as his experience. He
citement, and kill the king.. (Zhey try to do it seems entirely destitute of those natural emo-
with carving knives.) tions and sentiments of which he claims to
|
FREDERIC COGHLAN TRENCK.—I’ll make cold possess a double share, frequently descanting
meat of all of you; I’ll knock you all into the upon his passion and despair, and other fig-
middle of next week, if you advance a step. ments of his imagination, to large and unap-
I’m a Soldier of Fortune. (Zo Kerner.) Vil preciative assemblies.
just stick you, and finish the play. (Sé#cks him.) The pedantic youth sometimes turns out a
Princess.—Then, Coghlan, if you love me as clever man, but more frequently sinks into in-
I love you, no knife shall cut our love in two. significance, after a few years of riotous vain-
(Shakspeare. ) glorying.
KinG (¢0 audience).—Ain’t I awfully glad it’s
over. (Zakes snuff.) A-tchoo! A-tchoo!
TaBLEAU—CURTAIN.
PUCK’S STAGE SKETCHES.
IV.
OUR LEADING JUVENILE.
THE PEDANTIC YOUTH.
27 OUTH is elastic. So is the talented
SHE college and classical seminary is res- \fY gentleman who has been embodying
real ponsible for this specimen of the genus -€7 youth so long and so successfully. It
homo. He is of various temperaments was in the year , no, it wasn’t, it was four
and sizes, though most usually of the long, or five years previous, that we first succumbed
lean and lemon-haired variety; but, whatever to the manly fascinations of our leading juve-
his other features, has always a small and reced- nile, and set him down as the beau-ideal of
ing chin, and an immense attitude at the organ stage elasticity. Many days and nights have
of self-esteem. come and gone since then, and the dear gazelle
He eats, drinks, sleeps, and exercises, on which we once nursed, to glad us with its soft
scientific principles, making chemical analyses black eye, has long since been laid to rest with
of his food before meals, and lecturing on the our favorite tree and flower. But youth springs
walks solely for the development of certain day we still greet him as the most dashing
muscles, to which he always alludes by their | young man of the stage.
proper Latin classification. There is an ease about our leading juvenile’s
He considers all popular amusements as be- art, which places it beyond the pale of imita-
neath his dignity, but sometimes goes to a play tion. Other actors may put their hands into their
for the purpose of comparing the modern drama pockets, and glide from the left upper entrance
with the productions of Euripides, always to the down: to the right; but there is no charm about
great disparagement of the former. the act as they do it. Our leading juvenile
No one has ever known him to refuse an in- never puts his hands into his pockets without
vitation to a social entertainment, of whatever simultaneously pocketing our admiration, and
nature, but he always accepts with reluctance, never glides without gliding into our affections.
and makes a point, when arrived, of taking no He plays many parts, but he stamps them all
part in the general enjoyment. with the lustre of his individuality, and the
If asked to join a sociable group, he replies vigor of. his-youth.
that he, “‘like Cicero,” is ‘‘never less alone than The name. of Lester Wallack, of Wallack’s
when alone,” and solaces himself with furtive Theatre, has become familiar as a household
glances at his last unfinished tragedy. word. It is typical of respectability, and
He is fond of reading his productions to any through him all dramatic impurities are filtered,
one who will listen, but generally comes to the and made pure before they reach our ears. An
conclusion that he was born too early for his aureole of virtue encircles his head, and inno-
proper audience, which his mind’s eye sees cence flocks to his dramatic fold. He is the
marshaled in the distant future. dividing line between the church and the stage,
He knows—everything, has a full-fledged and the next best thing in Society’s mind to
opinion on every subject which can be men- being as good as the minister, is to be as good
tioned, and dispenses his opinions freely, always as Lester Wallack.
prefacing with “‘I hold.” His reading is heter- Thus does our leading juvenile combine
ogenous, comprising a little of everything, sav- moral, physical and mental accomplishments.
ing and excepting that which he styles “the It is needless to add that as an actor he is a
ephemerial literature of the day.”
favorite. That would but faintly convey the
He has a high and lofty and bitter scorn affection with which he is regarded by modern
of all second-rate geniuses, on whom he pours
audiences. We only wish, for the sake of the
high-sounding epithets of a most thoroughly tre- drama, that he was as young as he appears to be.
mendous and overwhelming nature.
He is always redolent with the buoyancy that
He is exceedingly. practical—in theory. He suggests the spring-time of youth, and not even
can make anything, from a toothpick to a as ‘‘My Awful Dad” does he restrain his juvenile
telescope; but his manufactures are not on ex- feelings.
hibition. His chemical experiments are apt to As we look at him, we feel that ‘“‘the stars
end in unexpected explosions, and his mechan- shall fade away, the sun himself grow dim with
ical ones *to fail through unforeseen and ‘un- age, and nature sink in years; but he shall
avoidable accidents. He practices medicine on flourish in immortal youth.”
his friends, who learn wisdom through martyr-
dom, and are careful henceforth not to hint at
cold or headache while in his vicinity. TuE corn-doctor who exhibits on Broadway
He stores his memory with old and unfamiliar the big plaster-foot, puts his name under it;
topics. ‘The manners and customs of the an- “but the dentist who has erected, on Madison
cients are his favorite theme. If the wedding square, the big hand holding the forceps which
of an acquaintance is mentioned, he falls to grip a large double tooth, has not yet attached
describing the wedding ceremonies of the an- his name to this really splendid advertisement.
OUR LEADING JUVENILE
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Re
WHAT
aeet
AILED THE GHOST.
was announced one night
Pwo naves and a fuson. |smiled pleasantly upon them the while.
| was nothing immodest in the action. The girl
‘There
was so simple and graceful, and her admiration
ag
ee
eye

AN ENGLISH STORY. | was so natural, that only to the grossest minds

last week at an Indiana country theatre,
and the Hoosiers had come in with (Continued.) | could it suggest fancies that were not pure.
their wives and babies from miles around, to be | Hugh was far too delicate in thought and taste —

made acquainted with the melancholy Dane. All
went on well until the ghost scene; in fact, his
paternal ghostship had actually appeared, and
im tremulous, sepulchral tones began to utter:
“I am thy fath—” when suddenly the text
| to feel shocked at what he saw. It was to him
CHAPTER IV. simply the daintiest little picture he had ever
S ~ | UGH worked steadily for half an hour. | seen, and he looked without the will to move.
T His work occupied his attention without | She dropped her feet in the water, sank upon
> engrossing it, and left his mind scope her elbow. and began singing a country-side . fe

gave place to a series of grunts and groans, in- for vagrant fancies and dreamy observations. | song. Hugh caught only the rhymes, which
He could think vaguely of the future, and he were ‘“‘caow,” “ plaough,” “‘treu,” and ‘‘yeou;”
ade
ates
te
ral
a
eli
a

dicative of intense bodily pain on the part of

the apparition aforesaid.
‘Go on! Goon!” came from all parts of the
house, but the ghost didn’t go on. Some loudly
whispered ; profanity was heard behind the
scenes, and it became evident that there was
something rotten in the State of Denmark.
Finally the ghost seemed to brace up, and
tried it again:
smelt the meadow-sweet as the bee burrowed nois- but the voice that sang them seemed to him
ily into the soft trusses of bloom and stirred up its prettier than the piping of a robin. He sat
fragrance; he noted the cooing of the wood- down, waited, listened. ‘The pattering in the
pigeons, and the splash as a fish leaped from water ceased, there was a movement on the TNR
the water. The afternoon was hot; but a de- grass, and she began to hum her tune again.
liciously cool breeze crept under the trees where The voice approached, and Hugh became mar-
he sat, and made music in the beach leaves velously active with his brushes; the tune ceased
above. But for these sounds there was nothing suddenly in a little exclamation of astonishment cia
a
as

**T am thy fath—ugh-—oh Lord! Some more to disturb him now that Mr. Fox had retired. near him. He looked up, and met a pair of
brandy, there—quick!” Hugh was painting a stretch of back-water, all eyes glancing sidelong skeerily at him. Both
In the midst of the confusion which ensued, low tone and deep shadow. ‘It wants a looked rather confused, colored, looked down,
the manager made his appearance at the foot- figure,” thought he. ‘‘I suppose I must put in and the young lady pursued her path. Where
lights. the harmless necessary old man fishing.” the path diverged she turned her, head for a
‘* My friends,” said he, ‘‘I regret to say that At that moment he caught the sound of minute, and both, finding their glances met
the gentleman who was cast for the vo/e of the movement in the grass behind him. once more, smiled. Oh, what a subtle sense of
ghost this evening has been suddenly attacked **Some one coming; perhaps the very figure humor young people have! We old folks, turn-
with cholera morbus. Is there any physician in I want,” thought he, turning about. ing about to stare after each other, can see
the house ?”’ A thicket shut out the view; he rose from nothing to make us laugh.
“Here,” said a jolly, good-natured man in his seat and looked over. A young girl stood ‘* May I have the pleasure of accompanying
the front row. ‘I’m a doctor. Show me the there. He could not see her face, but her hair you this afternoon, Mr. Hugh?” asked Mr. Fox,
patient.” was shining and soft, and, being knotted back the next day.
They led him to where the spectre lay, out tightly, displayed a pink ear and a few inches ‘Well, the fact is—” said Hugh, scratching
in the fly, writhing in all the contortions of of white neck. ‘There was every reason to be- his head, and trying to look as if he were not
green-apple-stomach-ache. He felt his pulse, lieve her pretty, for women have, as a rule, the prevaricating without success—‘‘the fact is
loosened the sufferer’s shirt-collar, looked at good taste to conform their dress to their per- that, unless I can settle down to my work more
him a moment, and then smiled. sonal appearance, and her neat dress affected readily than I did yesterday, I shall look about
‘Well, doctor,” gasped the manager, “and in a rustic manner the fashion of the town, fit- for a new subject.”
what do you make of it?” ting her dainty waist and graceful] shoulders to ** Ah, in that case, of course, you require to
‘* Make of it, my dear sir,’”’ answered the doc- a nicety. Her back was turned towards Hugh; be perfectly free from interruption of any kind,”
tor. ‘Why, I call it a clear case of what is her body was bent in a pretty attitude of ap- said Mr. Fox.
known as cholera in-phantom.” prehensive timidity, and she held behind her— “Well, that is true.”
a pair of stockings. “*Y-es.” Fox smiled his blandest, and said
Hugh sat down with a blush, for he was as to himself, ‘‘ Why on earth does he want to go
modest as a girl, and considered what he should alone?” ‘
SCIENCE vs. WAGES AND DRINKS. do in his embarrassing position. To move or He was more than usually amiable and inter-
to intimate his presence by making a noise ested in art when Hugh returned; and although
KK SCIENTIFIC gentleman, connected with would not improve matters; no, the best thing thé artist declared he had done nothing much
one of our leading universities, has a was to go on with his painting as if she were —stuck to the old thing, you know, after all—
theory that he can disseminate useful not there, and leave the rest to chance. If she never mind looking at it—nothing in it, and
information among the masses by personal con- found him she could then beat a retreat, with so on, Mr. Fox obtained a glimpse of the pic-
tact and conversation much better than by the comfort of thinking she had not been seen. ture, and: was at once interested.
means of books and lectures. It is related of Hugh took his brush and essayed to paint, “*Oh, I see,” he smiled. ‘*You have intro-
him in this regard that one day he accosted one but from some cause—he knew not what—he duced a figure.”
of a small gang of corporation workmen, who found himself unable to take interest in the “Little. fancy thing to throw up the back-
were engaged in removing street garbage, werk. His touch did not improve the picture. ground. I thought it was required.”
with— He could do no more to it, and yet it was in- ‘“So it was, indeed, Mr. Hugh. Done from
‘Well, my friend, what do you think of the complete. It was but a background after all, imagination, hey? Very easy pose. The folds
Nebular Hypothesis?” and certainly wanted a figure. If the girl he of the dress are wonderful; you might fancy
“The which?” asked the Irishman, leaning had seen would only stand for a while whilst he they were copied from the real thing.”
on his spade, and eyeing the Professor. sketched her in that pretty, timid, nymphlike He pulled his nose and admired the picture
‘The Nebular Hypothesis—that magnificent pose, what a capital subject she would make! with half-closed eyes, as he wondered where he
astronomical theory upon which are based so He might try to reproduce her from memory, had seen a dress like that on Hugh's canvas;
many of our modern speculations with regard if only he could remember what kind of hatshe then he said:
to our solar system.” wore. ‘There could be no harm in looking at “I suppose you will hardly have to finish
“‘And yiz wants to know what I think of her hat, and satisfying himself on that point. this where you began it, as the figure is from
that, is it? Shure, and it’s a very good thing, There was a dabbling sound as Hugh rose to imagination.” are
By
ERTL
ee
RR
ee

I’m tould.” his feet, and he perceived that the girl had “Tf I finish it at all, 1 must. You can’t get
“You have then, I trust, my friend, looked seated herself on the bank and was dipping her the—er—tone, the—er—atmosphere, unless
into this interesting subject, and noted the war- feet in the water. you are actually in the scene you paint,”
fare against ignorance which modern science How very pretty she was! Her hair was in- ‘‘ That shows my ignorance of art, of course.
wages.” clined to redness, and was drawn close to her I see you are quite right, quite right.”
‘‘Wages, indade,” replied the other, ‘now head, save where in front some little tresses had Mr. Fox had to go to Reading the following
yer talkin’ to the point, mishtur.” obtained liberty, and were fluttering in the light afternoon—a necessity which Hugh did not re-
** Ah, yes,” continued the Professor, ‘‘ what wind about her white brow. Her cheek was gret—but he took a route in returning which
are the fleeting gratifications of our bodily ap- round and pink, her lips were full, and her led him $0 near the backwater which Hugh was
petites to those intellectual delights that the small nose had impudence in its curve. Pres- studying, that he got a clear view of his young
mind drinks in.” ently she lifted her feet from the water, and friend and a companion that stood beside him.
‘“‘Dhrinks—be jabers!—is it dhrinks yer put them side by side; then throwing her head The companion was a young lady, and she
spakin’ of ? Come on here, boys!” And the on one side, she regarded them critically. seemed deeply interested in Mr. Biron’s work.
Professor had to beat a hasty retreat, amid a ‘They gleamed like ivory, and she must have “* Mattie Blake,” said Mr. Fox softly; and he
shower of stones propelled by the disappointed been pleased with their appearance, for she held smiled, though there was none to benefit by it.
listeners. them. stretched out for some moments, and He had chosen the path upon the side of the
 12 Pi CR.
beech-wooded hill. There was a free-growing | dilection amongst the inferior animals. Even | got no one to match him on yeour side of the
brier near, through the interstices of which one | the sparrow will not accept a mate who cannot | brick wall.” Tom looked straight at the corner
might command a view of the river-side below thrash her. | of the ceiling, but his remark was intended for
and be unseen; and dry leaves about it offered In comparison ‘Tom was a heavy ox; Hugh a | him of the rival house of Clinker.
a tempting seat to the weary pedestrian. Mr. nimble high-spirited horse. Ladies hate ‘‘bulls”’ | ‘And he’ll be ‘not only the handsomest and
Fox stepped to the brier and seated himself instinctively, albeit the creature they shun is the noblest man of these parts, but the wealthiest,”
slowly, blinking like an old cat that settles down meekest sweet-eyed beast, patient in tilling the said Mr. Fox.
to watch the play of unconscious mice. soil, useful and harmless; but no lady sees a “Sooner the better,” said Sir Humphrey’s
Unfortunately, he could not make out the prancing horse without a desire to pat his neck man.
words they used; but he could hear their voices and caress him, despite the knowledge that he | **T call upon Mr. Reynolds for a song,” said
and distinguish between Miss Blake’s and may kick and bite, and run away from her if he the host, who saw dissension breeding.
Hugh’s. Hugh had most to say; Miss Blake | can. Mr. Fox was alone with Hugh for a few min-
answered briefly and laughed considerably. When Hugh was saying good-bye he found utes before going to bed, and he mentioned his
Very likely he talked nonsense; but most girls several questions to ask about Miss Blake’s ar- visit to the Ferry-boat.
like nonsense, especially from a brisk, handsome rangements for to-morrow; but he held her “You don’t go there?” said he. ‘‘Ah, it is
young fellow. | hand, although the parting salutation was said. hardly the place for a gentleman like you. I
Mattie was accustomed to hearing nonsense; | He was as conscious as Mattie was that he held have not heard you speak of Miss Blake, and
for her father kept the ferry-boat inn, and she her hand beyond the customary length of time; of course you would, had you seen her. ‘The
waited upon the gentlemen who assembled in she could read that in his eyes when she dared most marvellously beautiful girl I have ever seen.
the coffee-room of evenings to sing and dis- to look up to them. Besides, he exercised You will think that an old fellow of my age
course. ‘These gentlemen were the shop-keep- rather more pressure than was absolutely con- should do something else than trouble his head
ers of the village; Sir Humphrey Clinker’s sistent with forgetfulness. She had answered about women. It is only my head that is con-
coachman and steward; Mr. Tom Reynolds, all his questions, and he yet held her hand. cerned, sir, not my heart. Were I younger,
Gregory Biron’s head-gardener; occasionally | She tried to disengage it. It was but a pre- that might go too.”
Mr. Fox, and such boating gentlemen as were tence; she did not want to remove her hand. “Is the young lady very beautiful?’ asked
staying in the house. Of this society she mostly | ‘How odd!” said Hugh; “IT have been | Hugh, with ill-affected unconcern.
affected Mr. Tom Reynolds. He was a Her- | holding your hand all this time.” ‘*To my eyes she is peerless. One of those
cules in appearance; ruddy of complexion,| He looked at the hand still in his, and was |exquisite faces that strike you with their intrinsic
broad-shouldered, deep-chested, with ponder- | about to say, ‘‘ What a pretty little hand!” as an | beauty less than they suggest the grace, delicacy,
ous limbs, and short, crisp, curling hair that | excuse for kissing it, but he found it rather large and sweetness of a pure feminine mind. You
clustered low down on his broad forehead; he and decidedly red, so he turned his eyes to her understand me, sir?”
was the finest and strongest man of that place, | whiter and softer and prettier face. *“Thoroughly. That is what I—I—I—what
and the village champion of cricket and quoits. ‘Your cheeks are like pink-and-white apples I always think so beautiful in women’s faces.”
Mattie felt proud to have the giant under her that tempt one to feast,” said he. **Precisely. The family is very old—good
subjection. But he never rose above the in- She blushed, but did not move, although she stock—connected with the historical family of
tellectual level of the village people; indeed, he saw his lips approaching. Only when he had | the same name. Unfortunately, the position
said less to Mattie than those who were not so kissed her and dropped her hand, she turned of the father must materially hinder the deve-
interested in her. When he entered her pres- | upon her heel and ran away. lopment of the daughter’s intellect; neverthe-
ence he said, ‘‘Good evenin’, miss,” and sup- Mr. Fox rose refreshed, and walked home. less there she is—a gem. Alas, poor girl! it
plemented his salutation by such remarks upon | He was in high spirits; and in the evening went | may be that, falling into the possession of some
the weather as were appropriate to the season. | to the Ferry-boat, and took a seat beside the unlettered clod, without the ability or desire to
His eye followed her wherever she went, and host. He bowed with polite deference to Mat- improve her, her real and true value may be
he drank ten times as much ale as he needed, | tie, and remarked as he did so that the young never known. On the other hand, some man
merely for the pleasure of touching her hand lady flushed. He spoke of his dear young of feeling—some man who looks beneath the sur-
when he paid for it. He sang the ‘‘ Red, White master, Mr. Hugh Biron, and noticed that she | face before he rejects the stone that falls in his
and Blue” every night of the week except Sun- | became at once interested. way—may by the mere polishing discover him-
days, growing pale when asked to sing, and be- ‘*You don’t know him, Mr. Blake, do you?” | self the possessor of such a diamond as shall
ginning with every indication of breaking down | questioned Fox. | blaze a Kohinoor amongst diamonds. Ah me!
in the first verse, as he stared fixedly on Mattie; “‘Nao,” said Mr. Blake, in a tone of voice | why do we gruw old? Good night, Mr. Hugh.”
but when, by dint of turning his glance away | that signified he did not regret the loss of his | At that moment 1€ Hugh was not sufficiently
l ; in
and setting it upon her father, who always re- | acquaintance. | love to be critical about the social or intel-
turned his stare, shuffling uneasily in his chair | ‘He daon’t trouble you much,” suggested lectual status of Mattie Blake, nor did he need
under the basilisk eye, his courage returned, Sir Humphrey Clinker’s man. | argument to convince him that she was charm-
and his powerful voice was not to be contained | “Nao,” responded Blake, in the same tone, | ing. He was interested of course in what Mr.
within four walls. At parting he, in common | his eyes fixed on the bowl of his long clay. | Fox said.
with other village-folk, shook hands with Mat- | ‘“‘He is a noble young man,” exclaimed Fox; | We take a handful of dry seed and a handful
tie; and when occasion permitted he said, ‘the handsomest, cleverest, most generous of moist earth, and wonder how anything beauti-
“ Yeu deu look so pretty to-night, miss.” The | warm-hearted gentleman in the county.” | ful can spring from the simple union of the two;
other gentlemen were less constrained, but their | ‘“*Then he daon’t take arter the old man,” | but the result is clearly seen by the cultivator.
remarks were matter-of-fact and their compli- | said Blake, with an emphatic nod. | Mr. Fox’s seed was sown on good soil and took
ments broad. Intellectually, they were as in- ‘‘The offspring are frequently unlike their |root, threw out leaves, grew, blossomed, bore
ferior to Mr. Hugh Biron as they were in per- parents,” said Mr. Fox, glancing at Mattie; | fruit, and all within a fortnight. By that time
sonal appearance. _and I dare say you can tell us, Mr. Reynolds, |Hugh loved Mattie madly, and she returned his
Hugh held an easy flow of small talk, and _of many peculiarities of the same kind in bo- | passion—less ardently perhaps, because she was
dashed it with sentiment and poetry, which were tanical life. For instance, the seedlings from | less poetical, and the passion was not so novel
not less appreciated by Mattie, perhaps, be- | astreaked pelargonium may be perfectly white.” | to her. He became concerned about her pro-
cause at times she could not quite understand ‘Yes, and some on ’em has spots,” replied nunciation of certain words, her abuse of the
what he meant. His compliments were delicate, ' Tom Reynolds, interested rather in establishing | letter A, the unnecessary emphasis she.sought to
and his voice soft and musical. There were | a fact than in assisting allegory. | obtain by the multiplication of negatives, and
refinement and taste in everything connected ‘*Of course, and vice versa.” _her ignorance of classical literature. Under
with him. His linen was spotless, his clothes - Never heerd o’ them; but carnations will, | the trees he read Keats and Tennyson to her,
well-fitting and good, his hands were long and so’ll picotees.”’ | and for her private study gave her handsome
white, and even at this early stage of their ac- **Just so. And thus it is with this Mr. Hugh. | copies of Shakspeare and Thackeray, hoping
quaintance she knew that they were soft and I may say, without disrespect to my employer, | these would wean her from literature of the
smo How different from the horny palm that his grandson is unlike him in every re- | penny-a-week sort. Mattie struggled bravely
of Mr. Tom Reynolds! And there was the spect.” 'to like Shakspeare and read him. With wo-
slightest suspicion of scent when Hugh ap- “Good job too,” said the representative of || manly instinct she began at the end of the book,
proached her that made her think disparagingly Sir Humphrey Clinker. as being the most interesting part of books in
of the earthly smell Mr. ‘Tom Reynolds brought ‘The feud between the Birons and Clinkers | general, and she cried with mortification in the
into her room with him. Hugh was never extended to their servants, and there were fre- _ vain endeavor to understand the Sonnets. She
abashed; he never faltered in speaking to her, quent skirmishes between ‘Tom Reynolds and |got on better with Thackeray; but a page-and-
and when their eyes met hers fell, not his. She Sir Humphrey’s George. | a-half invariably sent her to sleep, and she
was better pleased to have Hugh for a master | ‘*What Master Fox says is quiet true,” said | dreamed of the baronets and beetle-browed
than Tom for aslave. Women love above them,
le
\
{
Tom Reynolds. ‘‘The young governor is the | villains of the penny-weekly. Better still, she
never below. Instances exist of parallel pre- |
| finest young fellow in these parts, and you’ve liked to listen to Hugh reading; for he explained
 ee ———— ee —————eeeeEeEeEEeEeEeea
|
matters to her as he went on, aid his voice was } YESTERDAY morning, when a stranger asked a
musical and sweet and pleasant to the ear, as his newsboy which way the numbers on Griswold
appearance was to the eye. After listening for | street ran, the boy replied:
a while she would playfully curl his soft ‘hair, | Op and down and all around. When you
and ther he shut up the book and put his arms | think you are up to No. 300 you may be down
about her, and talked poetry that was ever so to No. 2.”
much prettier than the labored efforts of genius, ‘-T want to find this number,” continued the
and this she loved most of all. She could rest | man as he exhibited a card. ,
her head upon his shoulder, and hearken for ‘* Well, that ought to be right over there, but
hours to his second-hand similes and boyish | the best way is to go up this side and come down
balderdash. Hugh liked it too; it was flatter- A apy living on Second avenue had her on the other, and ask every man you meet.”
ing to be so appreciated, and to make poetical mind made up for two or three days that her ‘*T presume the man I want to see is located
steam and let it off was no trouble, and, on the boy needed some castor-oil, but she knew that up stairs,” said the man.
whole, very natural and pleasing. she must approach him gently. She placed ‘“*So much the better,” replied the boy; “‘that
Mr. Fox rather assisted than impeded the the bottle where he could see it, and when he gives you more rope to play on. When you go
communion of his young friends; but when turned up his nose, she said: into a basement they will tell you he is on the
Hugh’s vacation was drawing to an end, he saw “It’s just like honey, my darling.” fourth floor, and when you get up there no one
fit to stir up the pellucid stream of true love, He seemed to doubt her word, and she con- will even know his name. If that man don’t
and place a few obstacles in its course. So tinued: | Owe you at least a thousand dollars, and if you
amiable a man as he could not see Tom Rey- ‘If you'll take some I'll let you go to the | are not afraid he’ll run away, your plan is to go
nolds hipped and low-spirited without com- Theatre Comique.”’ to a hotel, write him a letter. and get him out
miseration. ‘How much ?” he cautiously inquired. where he can’t dodge.” —Detroit Free Press.
‘‘Why, Reynolds,” said he, finding him in **Oh, only a spoonful—just one spoonful,”
the hot-house one morning, “how is it you were she smiled, as she uncorked the bottle. WHEN a St. Louis belle gets the ear-ache they
not at the Ferry-boat last night, hey ?”’ ‘And you'll give me some sugar, besides ?” take the fair sufferer down to the levee, put a
“I'm not a-going there no moare,”’ said ‘Tom, he asked. bale or a bale and a half of cotton into the ear
shaking his head ruefully. ** Of course I will—a big lump.” affected, and play some paregoric upon it from
‘How is that? I thought you were fond of | He waited until she began pouring from the a chemical engine. ‘This rarely fails to effect a
Miss Blake.” bottle, and then asked: |cure.—Chicago Tribune. And when a Chicago
“I wars, Master Fox, | wars. I’ve alwust got “And you'll give me ten cents, too?” | belle has the ear-ache they treat her in the same
good wages, and I’m a saving man, and I’ve got ‘Ves, of course.” way, only they don’t go out anywhere for the
enough money for to start a little business and ‘And you'll buy me a kite?” he went on, | bale or two of cotton. ‘They find it about the
make a comfortable home for teu folks; and I seeing his advantage. | sufferer.—S¢. Louis Republican. Probably the
made up my mind a time since that I’d marry “rk |St. Louis belle caught the cold that caused her
the gal, if so be she was agreeable so to do, ‘*No kite, no ile,”’ he said, as he drew back. | ear to ache by leaving off her bale.— Chicago
and, fact, I’ve as good as told her so every ‘Well, I’ll buy you a kite,” she replied, fill- |Post.
night for six months past, I have. I won’t re- ing the spoon clear up.
peat my words, Master Fox, but I have a-said *‘ And a velocipede?”
something to her at parting every night, by **T’ll think of it.” | Herr Martin Loruar ScHuULFROH, of Zwei-
which she might see what my feelings was tow- | **You can’t think no castor-ile down me! fe brucken, has invented what he calls ‘‘ ‘The Lan-
ards. Fact, 1 did mean afore long to ask her he exclaimed, looking around for his hat. |guage of the Future.” When a young man
premission to allow me to walk out on Sundays ‘“‘Here-—I will, or I'll tease father to, and I| hires a horse and carriage to take his girl out
with her. I don’t know what it is, sir, but know he will. Come now, swallow it down.” riding, and drives up to the door just in time to
something turned that gal’s head quite raound “And you'll buy me a goat?” | see her leaving the house with his rival, he sadly
this last month. You might have noticed, “Yes.” |feels the necessity of a language of the future.
Master Fox, how she do turn her nose up at «« And two hundred marbles ?” | The language of the past and present fails to do
every one. She never smiles when she takes “Yes! Now take it right down.” |justice to his wounded feelings.—- Worcester
your money now; and she knocks the glasses ** And a coach-dog ?” , Herald.
abaout when a party’s singing the ‘“‘Red, White, ‘“*T can’t promise that.”
and Bleu,” which is a patriotic song, and ought ‘‘ All right; no dog, no ile.”
to be treated serious, and she ieaves the room A CANADIAN schoolmistress gave the mitten
“And you'll buy me a pony?” ' to one of her oldest scholars. He retaliated
without saying ‘“‘ Good-bye”’ to no one. ‘‘Oh, I couldn’t do that. Now, be a good by being as mean and mischievous as possible
“It is the way with all women, Reynolds; boy, and swallow it down.”
they love to make us miserable to prove how in school, and she gave him a sound flogging.
“Oh, yes, I’ll swallow that stuff, I will,” he His parents sued for damages and got a verdict
necessary they are to our happiness. You be a said, as he clapped on his hat. ‘“‘ You may
man, and don’t give into her; she will come of $3.50. ‘The next day the teacher called her
fool some other boy with a Comique ticket and
round quickly enough when she finds you will a lump of brown sugar, but it’ll take a pony to school to order and made a newt little speech.
not. Stay away a few days, and don’t send trot that castor-ile down my throat!” She said, ‘‘I have whipped a bcoby soundly,
any more flowers.” which pleasure cost only three dollars and-a-
And he went out to see if the neighbor’s cat half. Now, if any others of my scholars are
**T don’t send her no flowers, Master Fox.” had been caught in the trap he had set for her. inclined to imitate him, they will nave the kind-
“That is odd. She had a piece of stephan- — Exchange.
otis like this, and a piece of maidenhair like ness to step forward, receive the money and the
that, in her bosom last night. I suppose Sir flogging, and then we will go on with our stu-
Humphrey Clinker’s George must have given THE President’s gallantry led him to say to dies. I am here to instruct you, not to be
them to her.”’ the St. Louis lawyeress, when she spoke of being courted.” This was some time ago. Thelady
“‘He daresn’t, no more daresn’t any other at his inauguration, ‘“‘My dear Miss Cozzens, is teaching that school yet, and is the most
man. ‘They know what | am pretty well; they in that case I should have kissed something else popular person in the township, as she deserves
knaow haow I served young Adams when he besides the book.” Next morning, says the to be. We have no doubt she was from this
shuck hands with her.” Graphic, Mrs. Hayes was surprised, on looking side of the Canada line, but that fact, for some
*“*T suppose she has a plant of her own—very from the window, to see 27 tramps crawl out of reason, isn’t mentioned.— xchange.
likely; why not? As I said, you show the girl the straw back of the executive barn and shake
that you are as good as she, and you will soon themselves. Then they came to the door and |
see that she thinks. you a good deal better. asked what she was going to do about it. They
A CounTRY girl wrote toher lover: ‘‘ Now
George, don’t you fale to be at the singing-
Good-morning, Reynolds. Oh, by the way, do were divorce lawyers.
you go to dinner through Quarry Wood ?”
school to-night.” George wrote back that “in
**No, sir—never go that way, it’s tew fur;
the bright lexicon of youth—Webster’s Una-
but I can go that way it so be you require any- Tue eclectic Magazine for March contains the bridged—there’s no such word as fale.” —#x-
thing.” likeness of a poet, and it is easy to see from his change.
“Well, Mr. Hugh is painting down there, haggard and troubled look that he fully realizes
and—No, I had better go myself.” his awful position.— Bridgeport Standard. L. Rocers, the sculptor, desires to make a
(To be continued) statue representing ‘ Surprise.” We would
THE Bowdoin boy who fatally shot his father suggests that he inclose anonymously a $2 bill
A LITTLE friend of Pucx’s, who lisps, inno- the other day, says that he only intended to to a country editor, and then observe the fea-
cently asked the other day whether Charlie Ross frighten the old gentleman. ‘The old fellow, it tures of the recipent as he opens the letter at
| belongs to the Roths-child family. seems, couldn’t take a joke.— Worcester Press. the posto-ffice.— Zurner’s Falls Reporier.
 14 PUCK.
Two men were sitting together in a smoking
car on the Danbury Railway the other morning,
when one of them observed to the other:
FASHION journals are discussing the proper
height of feminine hose. We should say that a |
little above two feet would be about the correct
| L.SOMBORN & CO.,
No. 12 Vesey St., adjoining the Astor House, New York.
‘‘T lost as likely a colt as you ever saw, last altitude.— Norristown Herald. IMPORTERS OF
winter.” FOREIGN WINES. BRANDIES, &c.
After a pause the addressed party inquired: Sole Agents for the
Did it die?” An exchange asks Judge Devens how many
‘« Die ?”’ repeated the loser, somewhat resent- children he has, and the Chicago Zimes wants
APOLLINIS NATURAL SELTZER.
fully, ‘‘ how-could I ’ave lost if it hadn’t died ?” to know when Judge Devens was married. HOCK & MOSELLE WINES from L. Somsorn, Frankfurt a. M.
BOONEKAMP OF MAAGBITTER
‘“*T didn’t know but it slipped through a crack | Hereafter we shall insist that questions be put in from H. UnpERBERG-ALBRECHT, Rheinberg.
in the floor,” said the other man in an injured | their regular order.— Rochester Democrat.
tone.
Both lapsed into silence after that.— Danbury
PARISER’S
News. ALExis and his terrier went to a photo-
grapher’s and were “took,” in every city they
CRYSTAL PALACE,
visited. The Duke is easily distinguished from |
252 BOWERY,
Ir is almost impossible to view the rear ele- Between Prince & Houston Sts., NEW YORK.
the terrier by his princely air and a standing
vation of the stylish young man’s shirt-collar collar.—Burlington Hawkeye. RESTTAUVUVRAN?
without thinking of the business revival that ‘A LA CARTE AT ALL HOURS.
would take place, if our merchants could utilize
this white expanse for advertising purposes.— WHENEVER a man, who has been arrested for CHESS, REALING AND BILLARD ROOMS.
Worcester Press. \ being ‘‘ tight,” calls at a New Orleans newspaper aay The leading European Papers in all languages on file.
office, and asks to have his name suppressed, | The finest Wines, Liquors,
The public is respectfully
Beer, Ale and Cigars.
invited to visit this model establish-
they call it ‘A Suppressed Tightem,” and pub- |
Girts, don’t be afraid to work. Ruth glean-
lish it anyhow.—Zuizabeth Herald.
ed in the harvest-field and got just as gooda |
Boaz any girl in the neighborhood.— aston REMOVAL.
Free Press. ‘Mrs. Parr, of this village,’ says a Wiscon- | THE
sin exchange, “‘ has had no less than seventy |
THE manufacturers of the jewsharp are be-
attacks of illness during her lifetime, and still CaFE INTERNATIONAL
lives.”” She must be one of the “‘ Brave Women
ginning to get frightened at the success of the HAS REMOVED
of Seventy-Sicks.”.— Commercial Advertiser.
telephone. It will drive their musical instru- FROM 204 BOWERY TO
ment out of the market altogether, they say.—
Philadelphia Bulletin. ‘“‘THE singing in Soldene’s new opera of ! No. 699 BROADWAY,
—_————— Poulet and Poulette is said to be really henchant- Corner 4th Street. & LIEDER 8.
ing.” — Boston Traveller. It probably consists
FASCINATING female music teacher, to admir-
ing young gentleman pupil: ‘‘ Try that again,
of lays.— Worcester Fress. PERFECTION.
Mr. C ” Pupil—‘‘ Do, Re, Mi—” Teacher
—‘* That won’t do. You do not hold onto Mi Wuart lovers swear—To be true until death.
BOKER’S BITTERS.
long enough.” Pupil (wistfully)—‘‘I wish I had What husbands swear—Unfit for publication. | L. FUNKE, Jr., Sole Agent,
a chance to.” —£ xchange. —London Yorick. | No. 78 JoHN STREET, N. Y. P. O. Box 1029.

APpracey SES 0Spy

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 pener
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THE HAT OF THE FUTURE.

FROM DESIGNS BY OUR SPECIAL FASHION ARTIST IN PARIS.

Orrick or "Puck 13 N.Wimaus1aMm Sr. NY. PRESS or

MAYER, MERMEL & OTTMANN, LITHOGRAPNERS, 22
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