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Treatment of Primary Vaginismus: A New Perspective: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy
Treatment of Primary Vaginismus: A New Perspective: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy
Jeanne Shaw
To cite this article: Jeanne Shaw (1994) Treatment of primary vaginismus: A new perspective,
Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 20:1, 46-55, DOI: 10.1080/00926239408403416
Article views: 48
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Treatment of Primary Vaginismus:
A New Perspective
JEANNE SHAW
Journalof Sex 8c Marital Therapy, Vol. 20, No. 1, Spring 1994 0 Brunner/Mazel, Inc.
46
Treatment of Primary Vaginismus 47
a
Differentiation, functionin autonomously with emotional and physical
maturity, is vital to women w o consciously want, and yet physically can-
not allow, vaginal penetration. The differentiation process allows these
individuals to explore their symptom, make conscious the somatic symbol,
e
begin to be themselves in relationshi and learn to function in the service
of personal growth. Maturation he ps individuals to look at and handle
fear, dread, and anxiety, and to behave sexually as an expression of self
rather than as a perceived responsibility for a partner’s need for sex.
Schnarch’ elaborates on the process: “At the highest level of differenti-
ation, the individual is sure of hidher beliefs, convictions, and self-assess-
ment-but capable of hearing others’ viewpoints and discarding old be-
liefs in favor of new ones. He/she can listen without reacting, tolerate
intense feelings, and not act automatically to alleviate them. Individu-
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Thus, it is not surprising that standard sex therapy for the vaginismic
woman has a not-so-subtle coercive component. Almost every published
report of successful vaginismus treatment in the last 20 years is based on
methods to induce the woman to perform sexually and to ignore the
message of her PC muscle spasm. The bind we create as clinicians is
trying to reduce performance anxiety with an inherently coercive de-
mand approach. The misfortune is that the focus is on performance and
compliance, not on self and self-expression.
herself and can maintain her own identity in close proximity to her part-
ner, connecting deeply with herself, she can invite her partner in both
emotionally and physically. Shifting to self-competence and mastery, em-
phasis on self, results in each partner actually being sexually competent
(as opposed to behaving it).
Partners can learn the difference between wanting the other and want-
ing the other to give them sex, as a commodity instead of an expression
of self. They can explore and evaluate their abilities to self-soothe when
one or both distances, applies pressure, or experiences anxiety. They can
risk being sexually competent, individually and relationally, by being real
instead of being compliant or helpful. This does not give them license to
intimidate each other; rather, it frees them up to be who they reaZZy are
in the presence of the other. A partner’s love can force our growth or
confront us to see ourselves in ways we have spent years avoiding.’*
Sexual competence can be both extraordinary and utilitarian. Extraor-
dinary competence means reaching for one’s sexual p ~ t e n t i a la, ~lifelong
aspect of actualization that usually happens best, if at all, in a long-term
committed relationship between differentiating partners, or sometimes,
simply after midlife passes and old age begins.
Utilitarian competence is another term for functional or obligatory sex.
Utilitarian sex is what many people in long-term relationships complain
about-boring, monotonous physical release. The result of measuring
one’s normality by the ability to provide obligatory, utilitarian sex is to
defeat the purpose of being in a loving, growing relationship where each
partner is willing to inspire the relationship to deeper, more intense levels
of contact and intimacy.
Sex therapists working without a differentiation lens rarely caution
against obligatory or negotiated sex; quite the opposite, we teach it. This
is most notable with vaginismic and other couples where negotiating for
sex is the norm. When partners want each other, negotiation is not an
issue. Self and intimacy are intensely personal, not interpersonal; they
are experience, not behavior. While relationships and behavior may be
negotiable, experience is not. This is the crux of the problem with behav-
ioral treatment for people with unseen, unmet growth potential.
In the face of emotional fusion, florid transferences, abandonment
Treatment of Primary Vaginismus 51
CONCLUSION
19. Masters WH, Johnson VE: Human sexwrl inadeqmcy. Boston, Little, Brown, 1970.
20. Cole E, Rothblum ED feds). Women and sex therapy: Closing t h circle of knowfedge. New
York, Harrington Park, 1988.