SLEEP DEPRIVED PODCAST GOES TO HELL

Written by

:3 Productions
FADE IN:

EXT: NETHER - UNKNOWN TIME

We open to the Minecraft Nether with all the boys already

there. They are all just walking around the general area at
a regular speed

AZTROSIST
Hey guys welcome-

JSCHLATT
(interumpting) HEY EVERYBODY, oh

AZTROSIST
Oh

JSCHLATT
Did you want to

AZTROSIST
(inteupting) No you go, sorry i..
Yeah, no you go

JSCHLATT
Alright, um... (awkward Pause) HEY
EVERYBODY WELCOME BACK TO CHUCKLE-
I MEAN WELCOME BACK TO THE SLEEP
DEPRIVED MINECRAFT! where here in

MIKASACUS
(interrupting) Where here in the
Austin Texas aquarium. You can see
the Big Lots over their to the left

AZTROSIST
Yeah, their's the dollar tree to
the right (chuckles).

APANDAH
where in goonervillie USA

Everyone laughs

JSCHLATT
Anyway, where here in hell, this is
what awaits protostants

The room goes silent

JSCHLATT (CONT'D)
WHAT!

Aztro looks at Schlatts orange cat

 2.

AZTROSIST
So what do ya got their Schlatt?

JSCHLATT
What? The silverfish stone?
(he is holding a lot of
stone bricks)

AZTROSIST
No, next to you

JSCHLATT
Jambo?

AZTROSIST
Guys, guys.... Cat owners: orange

JSCHLATT
Man, fuck you

Schlatt runs off to go find a nether fortress. Aztro and

Apanda follow him. Mika starts building one of his infamous
paths.

MIKASACUS
Don't worry guys i'll build us a
path

JSCHLATT
(wheezes not knowing what to say)

MIKASACUS
You'll see..
(Starts singing the moon
by the Microphones)

I drove up to the city at night and found the place

Where you grew up and then where you stayed

And then we walked around and stayed up late

Under city lights; and I spent the night

Next to you in the house where you grew up

Next to you, I miraculously woke up

In your parents' house I lied in bed with you

I went back to feel alone there

I went back to wipe it clean

 3.

I took the lights and radio towers out of my dreams

JSCHLATT
(While Mika is singing) You know
theirs probably already some AI
cover of me singing this

Screen displays various AI Schlatt covers

MOIST
(through editors note text) Theirs
not... Yet.....

The gang returns to see Mika's unique path

JSCHLATT
What is this monstocity?

MIKASACUS
It's art!

AZTROSIST
It's not.... I'm not even going to
engage with this

Apandah finds a skeloton head just lying on the soul sand

APANDAH
Skeleton head. Don't even tell me
that shit wouldn't feel amazing

AZTROSIST
What are you even saying

APANDAH
DON'T EVEN TELL ME YOU WOULDN"T

AZTROSIST
I mean i'm not saying I wouldn't
i'm just saying.

JSCHLATT
(Interupting) THIS HAS TO BE THE
WORST FUCKING MAP HOW IS THEIR NO
FORTRESS ANYWHERE, IVE LOOKED
EVEYWHERE AND CAN'T FIND IT!!!

MIKASACUS
Are you looking hard enough? Or are
you too busy replying to Femboys on
twitter.

Screen shows that their have been 400+ messages between

F1nnstar and Jschlatt
 4.

AZTROSIST
Wait WHAT! Why don't you reply to
me...

JSCHLATT
This is not real. You have no
evidence for this.

Screen shows the several F1nnstar tweets Schlatt has replied

to

AZTROSIST
Have you made a severe lapse in
your judgement?

JSCHLATT
No...Maybe... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE
FORTRESS!

APANDAH
Are you enjoing the nether, you'll
love the next hour.

JSCHLATT
IT WILL BE LIKE AN HOUR TILL I FIND
IT

AZTROSIST
(interrupts with a remark so
heinous basically the whole thing
is bleeped out)

JSCHLATT
Fuck this

Schlatt turns on creative mode and flys away

APANDAH
Oh so we can just blatantly cheat
now

JSCHLATT
Like you havn't been cheating this
whole time

AZTROSIST
From the verry first second

APANDAH
LITTERALLY HOW COULD I CHEAT!!

MOIST
(through editors note text) he's
innocent
 5.

APANDAH
This is just like that one family
man clip, Moist play it i'll send
it to you

Screen shows a one second sped up family guy clip

MIKASACUS
(Trying to break the tension) Guys,
Why do fathers take an extra pair
of socks when they go golfing?

AZTROSIST
Nobody cares

JSCHLATT
This is about to be some dumbass
shit please just stop now

MIKASACUS
(Continuing on like nothing
happened) In case they get a hole
in one! Haha, you get it

They all arrive at the fortress

INT: NETHER FORTRESS - UNKNOWN TIME

JSCHLATT
Oh, where here, finally!

MIKASACUS
So did you guys umm did you guys
here about those new apple goggles?

AZTROSIST
The Apple Vision Pro?

MIKASACUS
I don't know. Like, what do you
think life is. Like uhh If the
human experience can be replicated
to an increasing degree do you ever
wonder if the whole idea of
authenticity is lie?

AZTROSIST
Haha that's a pretty big gap
between thoughts

MIKASACUS
I don't know, it's just like, if
you can truly interlink technology
and reality then what is either?
 6.

AZTROSIST
Well, i'll say this. At $3499 this
may only effect the rich

JSCHLATT
OF COURSE THAT'S YOUR TAKEAWAY

MIKASACUS
YES! This may be the revolution we
need.

APANDAH
Guys this is just like among us

JSCHLATT
How!?

AZTROSIST
Hold on Panda, how is this in any
way like Among us?

APANDAH
Because goggles, sus,

MIKASACUS
Huh????

The gang arives at the blaze area

APANDAH
Finally, the Blazes

AZTROSIST
Ayy blaze it. 420 guys. Smoke guys

MIKASACUS
Wait ive got the perfect bit guys,
just wait

We start to hear the sounds of Mika smoking

JSCHLATT
Not this shit again

AZTROSIST
Didn't we already do this?

Aztrosist kills a couple of Blazes

AZTROSIST (CONT'D)
Damn.

APANDAH
What?
 7.

AZTROSIST
That one didn't drop any rods

Aztrosist kills like 10 more Blazes

AZTROSIST (CONT'D)
Dude, what the fuck! I haven't
gotten anything

JSCHLATT
Let me try.

Schlatt kills one Blaze and gets like 100 rods

AZTROSIST
WHAT!

APANDAH
Huhuhuh skill issue

JSCHLATT
SKILL ISSUE!

AZTROSIST
THAT'S NOT A SKILL ISSUE THAT'S
THAT'S JUST BLATANT CHEATING!

JSCHLATT
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! COMUNIST SCUM.
(drops a single rod) WHY DON'T YOU
SHARE THIS BETWEEN YOU AND MIKA.

MIKASACUS
What did I do?

AZTROSIST
Fuck this.

(Aztrosist goes into creative mode and starts making an end

portal)

JSCHLATT
What's going on here

AZTROSIST
When you find out no more school

They all go through the protal

EXT: MAIN WORLD - NIGHT

JSCHLATT
huh. (laughs). Alright boys,
 8.

APANDAH
Gooners

JSCHLATT
Gooners, make sure to pump, edge,
tip, leak and repeat your way over
to the Patreon, it's only $5, it's
kind of embarrassing if you can't
afford it.

MIKASACUS
And (random Mika plug here)

APANDAH
(mumbling) Soylent and it's effects

The group laughs

JSCHLATT
Alright are we done here?

MIKASACUS
Wait, wait. Where do fruits go on
vacation?

JSCHLATT
bababooey

AZTROSIST
bababooey

APANDAH
bababooey

MIKASACUS
Pear-is! Get it. Get it guys

AZTROSIST
(sarcastically) Yeah, good one

MIKASACUS
Ok, bababooey

Credits play with an AI Schlatt cover as the music.

This Suddenly stops for copywrite reasons