Anthony: I grew up in a little town in southwest Georgia.

I recognized Jesus as my
savior when I was seven. Our parents sought to it that we knew Jesus.

When I was 12, my dad went into full-time ministry. More of his time went to them
and looking back on it now, a common theme was the feeling of abandonment.

The year my dad went into the ministry was also when I was first exposed to adult
material.

What Satan saw was an opportunity when dad went into ministry to try to
systematically take each one of us out. And for me, what better way to attract a man
toward love, than to separate him from the love of a father? And then for me to find
love in these images, it's a fault substitute. It just doesn't work.

When you repeatedly do something that you know was wrong, and you can't stop,
what comes is a lot of self hatred and self contempt.

In relationships, it cost me a lot.

Sin provided a short term relief from pain. It was almost like a narcotic, you'd get a
little high, but on the back end, the payoff is worse.

That was something that started when I was 12. I'm 39 now, and from 12 to 32, I
don't remember a time porn didn't dominate my life.

Christina, I met her in a blind date. I knew that if I was going to be a good husband, I
needed to love her real well and there was no way this life in the shadow was going
to be compatible with loving a woman like that. So we got married in '04.

And that year when we were engaged we got involved in what began as the Young
Families Ministry at Apostles.

The church had started a ministry called The Path and it was dedicated one on one
men's mentor.

I had met men like Gerald Lambert, who had started playing a huge role in my life,
Anson Ramsey, Jim [inaudible 00:02:27]. Guys who really knew who they were.

And Jeremy talked me into going into this men's retreat with him.

I met the first guy there that I had ever heard of, they had gotten freedom and I
thought, Well, there's one. I came back from that pretty encouraged that maybe I
could change. Christina and I decided to try to have a baby, but eight weeks later we
we lost the baby. How could this happen? Here I am trying to change, I'm making
steps, I'm making investments, we're spending a lot of time in church. I still have this
addiction that I can't quite kick, but I feel like maybe it's possible now.

An older man in my life who has come to be a great friend and mentor, he looked me

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in the eyes and said, "Anthony, I don't think you have any idea who you are.

And I think the only person who can tell you is Jesus."

I just took the risk. The next morning, I got up early, I'm working for the government
so I have more than a little time on my hands, I start journaling.

I would start my time every day with some prayer time. I was really drawn to the
humanity of Jesus. There's so much life that flows out of the Bible.

I remember the first time I really heard anything from God in my journal time was,
"Anthony, you're my son. I love you." It's hard to explain.

But two weeks into this, the addiction disappeared and the only way that I can
explain it is I started to believe the things I was hearing.

Mostly [inaudible 00:04:30] it was on belief. I hear Him say, "Anthony, I forgive you.
You are not your sin, you're my son." And that really started changing things for me.

Over the next year, Christina started noticing, hey, Anthony is different. I sat her
down and walked her through the whole story.

But what I experienced with Christina was no shame or condemnation.

And so there's been huge restoration in us as a couple. If guys would realize that
there lives depended upon hearing from God regularly, they would do it. I need God
like I need air. And in relationships, man, I've got a great group of Godfriends now
and I don't fear man, I don't fear relationships with other women.

God is telling a story a lot bigger than maybe I realized. In addiction, I didn't really
think about anybody, but me.

And what God is about is the restoration of humanity. He does it one life at a time.

I really dreaded that I was going to be an old man, still trapped by this and that I was
going to living in this secret life that nobody knew.

I can't tell you how great it is to look in the mirror every morning and like what I see
and what Jesus has done for me has been nothing short of miraculous.

He has taken a man who had no idea who he was, told him who he was and put him
back on his feet again. Now, it feels like we're running together.

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