IELTS Corrections Page 1 of 14

OVERALL BAND SCORE 6.5 6+7+7+7

SEE BELOW C&C LR GRA MODEL ANSWER

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so

much information available through the internet, and they can
study just as well at home.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples
from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

 IELTS Corrections Page 2 of 14

Original answer -

Technological progress has made our lives easier and more

efficient, so some people believe that parents should no longer
send their children to school. I completely disagree with this idea
that students can stay at home and get information through the
internet.

I would argue that face-to-face classroom experiences have

positive impacts on the children. The one of them is that students
may easily make friends with their classmates in traditional-
classroom learning, allowing them to speak and interact with
friends and professors in a way that can help them build their
future social relationships. Furthermore, schools often have
extracurricular and exercise activities that students can take part in
to gain more soft skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking,
etc.

There are several disadvantages for learners pursuing an education

online. The most important of these is that students taking tests or
quizzes online do not worry about a professor detecting them in
cheating because they can use books or research online answers
during assessments . In the long run, this practice may cause
negative impacts on children’s behaviour. The another reason is
that students can not receive verbal feedback from their professors
during online learning process, so they may not know things they
need to improve to be better. As a result, they can find it hard to
develop their personal skills in the future.

In conclusion, despite technological advancement, children still

should go to school to pursue academic knowledge and regard the
internet as a tool to support their learning process.
 IELTS Corrections Page 3 of 14

OVERALL BAND SCORE 6.5 6+7+7+7

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been

corrected

Band score 7
It’s not clear from the question whether the children are supposed to
study independently or in a structured way with online classes. This
means it’s ok to interpret it as you wish.

It would be better though to make it clear what kind of online learning

you envisage. I think you’re writing about watching pre-recorded online
classes as opposed to “live” online classes, or self-study, which could
also be understood from the question.
Your introduction is overcomplicated and mischaracterises the question.
It’s not about what parents should do. It’s about whether schools are
still necessary. Your opening phrase is exactly why I recommend you
don’t write one. I’d start with opinions are divided whether schools are
still necessary when so much information is available online. I believe
[…] It is not necessary to paraphrase every word in the question.
You’ve addressed the question.
 IELTS Corrections Page 4 of 14

You have a clear position throughout.

The arguments are ok but some are not explained, which is why I gave
you 6 instead of 7. See the phrases in bold.

Lookout for questions that provide an extreme position, like this one, as
they can be easy, at least as far as coming up with a clear position is
concerned.

A good strategy is to acknowledge that there are some advantages, but

to disagree with the main proposal.

Eg

• There are some theoretical advantages to children learning on the

internet or on devices
o They can study independently
o Online and interactive classes can be more entertaining
than a boring teacher
• However, in practice
o It’s not reasonable to expect children to study
independently, as even the keenest student is not
interested in all the subjects in the curriculum
o They’ll won’t spend their time studying
o They’ll be playing games, chatting, and perhaps viewing
inappropriate materials
 IELTS Corrections Page 5 of 14

ADVICE ON BRAINSTORMING FOR TASK 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly

ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.

• Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question.

• Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If the
question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at
least 2.
• Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the
main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question.
• Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in
the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea.
• Make sure your supporting ideas are developed, which means
there should be more information in the form of evidence,
reasons, and/or examples.
• Very often, the optimum number of supporting ideas is 2. This
allows you to develop your ideas and your less likely to have
isolated, unsupported ideas that could get you a 6 for TR.
“some may be undeveloped/unclear” – band score 6 TR.
• Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before,
as there will always be important differences.
• Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that
it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it
does not contradict the introduction.
 IELTS Corrections Page 6 of 14

Technological progress has made our lives easier and more Commented [TG1]: True but not
efficient, so some people believe that parents should no longer really relevant to the question, which
send their children to school. I completely disagree with this idea is about knowledge
that students can stay at home and get information through the Commented [TG2]: Better
internet. provided us with access to so much
information, and especially to online
I would argue that face-to-face classroom experiences have learning materials that some people
positive impacts on the children. The one of them is that students […]
may easily make friends with their classmates in traditional- Commented [TG3]: See GRA
classroom learning, allowing them to speak and interact with Commented [TG4]: What you
friends and professors in a way that can help them build their mean is that you disagree with the
future social relationships. Furthermore, schools often have idea that they don’t need to go to
extracurricular and exercise activities that students can take part in school. It’s obviously true that they
can get information on the internet,
to gain more soft skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking,
but that’s not the point of the question
etc.
Commented [TG5]: Good main
There are several disadvantages for learners pursuing an education idea but I’d add in their social ... [1]
online. The most important of these is that students taking tests or Commented [TG6]: Ok supporting
quizzes online do not worry about a professor detecting them in ideas, but I would focus more on ... [2]
cheating because they can use books or research online answers Commented [TG7]: Good main
during assessments . In the long run, this practice may cause idea
negative impacts on children’s behaviour. The other reason is Commented [TG8]: A bit weak – it
that students can not receive verbal feedback from their professors takes time so if they have to look ... [3]
during online learning process, so they may not know things they Commented [TG9]: This needs to
need to improve to be better. As a result, they can find it hard to be explained
develop their personal skills in the future. Commented [TG10]: You mean in
In conclusion, despite technological advancement, children still automated lessons there’s no one-to-
... [4]
should go to school to pursue academic knowledge and regard the Commented [TG11]: What
internet as a tool to support their learning process. personal skills?
Commented [TG12]: Relevant
supporting ideas
Commented [TG13]: Good
conclusion, consistent with the main
... [5]
Commented [TG14]: It would be
good if you’d used this idea in the...main
[6]
 IELTS Corrections Page 7 of 14

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have

not been corrected

Band score 7
The organisation is good.

The paragraphs have clear central topics.

Cohesive devices are used correctly, with a few errors that limit your
score to 7 for C&C. I would always avoid easy linking devices like
moreover, furthermore, as any band score 5.5 candidate can use them.
See my suggestions.

PARAGRAPHING FOR TASK 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
• Write an introduction, that explains what the question is. After
reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what
the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is. It should
 IELTS Corrections Page 8 of 14

be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words. It is not

necessary to write a long background statement.
• Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to expand on
the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully
supported the main ideas. If you write 3 main bodies, it is more
difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high
score.
• If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
• The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each
paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or more
supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons,
evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with lots of
background information.
• The topic sentences should directly address the question.
• The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the
main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It should
directly answer the question. Do not leave the examiner in any
doubt about whether you’ve answered the question.
• If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to
clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject
one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas about one
side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more
than the other.
• It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent
question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree
with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70
words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short
paragraph.
 IELTS Corrections Page 9 of 14

Technological progress has made our lives easier and more

Commented [TG15]: Note that
efficient, so some people believe that parents should no longer just by using the word so doesn’t make
send their children to school. I completely disagree with the idea your sentence logical
that students can stay at home and get information through the Deleted: this
internet.
Commented [TG16]: Better:
I would argue that face-to-face classroom experiences have because in practice, they would learn
positive impacts on the children. one of them is that students may less
easily make friends with their classmates in traditional-classroom Commented [TG17]: Ok topic
learning, allowing them to speak and interact with friends and sentence but you could more
accurately reflect your ideas by saying
professors in a way that can help them build their future social
there are aspects of school that
relationships. Furthermore, schools often have extracurricular and children cannot learn at home on a
exercise activities that students can take part in to gain more soft computer
skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking, etc. Deleted: The
There are several disadvantages for learners pursuing an education Commented [TG18]: good
online. The most important of these is that students taking tests or Commented [TG19]: better:
quizzes online do not worry about a professor detecting them in Extracurricular activities are another
cheating because they can use books or research online answers aspect of school life that children
during assessments . In the long run, this practice may cause benefit from, as […]
negative impacts on children’s behaviour. another reason is that Commented [TG20]: good topic
students can not receive verbal feedback from their professors sentence
during online learning process, so they may not know what they Commented [TG21]: good
need to improve. As a result, they can find it hard to develop their Commented [TG22]: good
personal skills in the future. Commented [TG23]: Either
The other reason
In conclusion, despite technological advancement, children should
Or ... [7]
still go to school to pursue academic knowledge and regard the
internet as a tool to support their learning process. Deleted: The
Deleted: things
Deleted: to be better
Commented [TG25]: This doesn’t
... [8]
Commented [TG26]: word order
Deleted: should
Commented [TG27]: I recommend
... [9]
 IELTS Corrections Page 10 of 14

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been

corrected
Band score 7
The vocab is generally good throughout with some flexibility and
precision.

There is enough correct less common vocabulary for a band score 7.

Note my suggestions which show the accuracy and precision you need
for a higher score.

Technological progress has made our lives easier and more

efficient, so some people believe that parents should no longer Commented [TG28]: What does
send their children to school. I completely disagree with this idea this mean? I don’t think playing games
and using Facebook makes anyone’s
that students can stay at home and get information on the
life more efficient
internet.
Commented [TG29]: This is the
I would argue that face-to-face classroom experiences have normal preposition used with internet
positive impacts on the children. one of them is that students may Deleted: through
easily make friends with their classmates in traditional-classroom Deleted: The
learning, allowing them to speak and interact with friends and
teachers in a way that can help them build their future social Deleted: professors
relationships. Furthermore, schools often have extracurricular and
 IELTS Corrections Page 11 of 14

exercise activities that students can take part in to gain more soft
skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking, . Deleted: ,

There are several disadvantages for learners pursuing an education Deleted: etc
online. The most important of these is that students taking tests or Commented [TG32]: Children is
better.
quizzes online do not worry about a professor catching them
cheating because they can use books or research online answers Deleted: detecting
during assessments . In the long run, this practice may cause Deleted: in
negative impacts on children’s behaviour. another reason is that Commented [TG33]: It’s more
students cannot receive verbal feedback from their teachers during consistent to use disadvantage here
online learning process, so they may not know things they need to Deleted: The
improve. As a result, they can find it hard to develop their personal Deleted: can not
skills in the future. Deleted: professors
In conclusion, despite technological advances, children still should Deleted: to be better
go to school to pursue academic knowledge and regard the Commented [TG34]: Not
internet as a tool to support their learning process. synonyms. Advancement means
promotion at work
Deleted: advancement
 IELTS Corrections Page 12 of 14

GRA - Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors

have not been corrected

Band score 7
There is a range of complex structures with sufficient accuracy to get a
band score 7.
Be careful with modals.

Technological progress has made our lives easier and more

efficient, so some people believe that parents no longer need to Deleted: should
send their children to school. I completely disagree with the idea Deleted: this
that students can stay at home and get information through the
internet.

I would argue that face-to-face classroom experiences have

positive impacts on the children. one of them is that students can Deleted: The
easily make friends with their classmates in traditional-classroom Deleted: may
learning, allowing them to speak and interact with friends and
professors in a way that can help them build their future social
relationships. Furthermore, schools often have extracurricular and
exercise activities that students can take part in to gain more soft
skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking, etc.
 IELTS Corrections Page 13 of 14

There are several disadvantages for learners pursuing an education

online. The most important of these is that students taking tests or
quizzes online do not need to worry about a professor detecting
them cheating because they can use books or research online Deleted: in
answers during assessments . In the long run, this practice will have Deleted: may
negative impacts on children’s behaviour. another reason is that
Deleted: cause
students can not receive verbal feedback from their professors
Deleted: The
during the online learning process, so they will not know things
Deleted: may
they need to do to improve. As a result, they will find it hard to
develop their personal skills in the future. Deleted: to be better
Deleted: can
In conclusion, despite technological advancement, children should
still go to school to pursue academic knowledge and regard the Commented [TG35]: Word order
internet as a tool to support their learning process. Commented [TG36]: Clearer: and
they should look on the internet […]
Deleted: should
 IELTS Corrections Page 14 of 14

Model answer –

None available for the question you did

Page 6: [1] Commented [TG5] Tony 25/03/2021
06:57:00

Good main idea but I’d add in their social development.

Page 6: [2] Commented [TG6] Tony 25/03/2021

06:58:00

Ok supporting ideas, but I would focus more on traditional school learning. Children can play with friends whether
they go to school or not

Page 6: [3] Commented [TG8] Tony 25/03/2021

07:40:00

A bit weak – it takes time so if they have to look things up they’ll still get a lower score

Page 6: [4] Commented [TG10] Tony 25/03/2021

07:54:00

You mean in automated lessons there’s no one-to-one feedback

Page 6: [5] Commented [TG13] Tony 25/03/2021

07:00:00

Good conclusion, consistent with the main ideas

Page 6: [6] Commented [TG14] Tony 25/03/2021

07:01:00

It would be good if you’d used this idea in the main body paragraphs

Page 9: [7] Commented [TG23] Tony 25/03/2021

07:47:00

Either

The other reason

Or
Another reason

Page 9: [8] Commented [TG25] Tony 25/03/2021

07:58:00
This doesn’t follow naturally from the previous sentence

Page 9: [9] Commented [TG27] Tony 25/03/2021

07:55:00

I recommend you write a two-sentence conclusion. See here