The experience of being twins

I must solemnly accept that I do not realize how much my life really revolves around the simple fact that I am not
the only one in this universe with the same body features and facial structure. I am different. I am special. All of
this just because of a simple reason: I have a twin. In our day to day life people randomly come up to us and ask
the most obvious question: “Are you twins?” Both of us want to say “yes! The truth of our lives!” Sometimes it
leaves us exasperated as if people just cannot view us as two different independent individuals. For them, we are
just two bodies and one person.

As long as I can remember she was always by my side. Never, for one moment have I imagined her not being there.
Why, yes I do admit that I don’t remember being given a choice whether I would want a life with a twin but
sometimes I wonder what would my life be without her?

While taking a walk through the memory lane, I smile to myself in amazement to how big a market share of my
memories is owned by my sister! Let me recount a few incidents which can give you a distinct idea of what exactly I
am talking about.

As children we were, in short, cowards. We were very easily scared and cried almost at every little thing. For
instance if mom was late while coming back from office, we used to make several calls just to satiate our minds.
Both of us would anxiously stare through the keyhole and I remember bursting into tears if mom was as much as
ten minutes late. As I cried, I remember my sister consoling me by calling me foolish and as soon I had regained my
composure, I could feel my sister losing hers.

There are many unique things that only twins can do or feel (I almost feel like a superhero). These phenomena can
be summed down to one word which we may call ‘twin telepathy’. Due to this wonderful gift, we can pretty much
feel the other’s discomfort or pain. I, for the most part know when my sister is about to cry or give us away to
mom and dad. My sister too on the other part can tell right away when I am hiding something important from her,
or when I am about to tell a lie. I have to be very convincing while smoothly delivering a lie to my sister. Maybe I
am just fooling myself because sometimes I feel that she doesn’t buy it; but she doesn’t let me know that.

Another cool or weird thing about how our minds work is that a random thought which seems to hit me at any
given second hits my sister a nanosecond later. This is quite strange as moments later when I recount this whole
thought process to my sister, she is almost amazed. I have actually lost count of how many times our thoughts
have clashed like this but I doubt that the number is quite more than I would like to think. It feels like even our
brains are identical and are having a conversation of their own.

About four years ago, our relationship took a sharp and sudden turn towards the emotional maturing avenue when
we landed ourselves in Belgium. The biggest bump in our way which was the prime reason of our emotional
development was the fact that we had no friends, literally none. It’s not that we didn’t try but I guess our minds
were on a different wavelength than theirs. During that phase, I could count on no one but my sister. I wouldn’t
actually call it a shocking revelation but would rather name it as an enlightening realization. When I was looking for
a friend all over, I just missed the fact that the friend I always needed was already there in the form of my sister.
Nobody understood me more than my very own undervalued sister. Even through my silliest heartbreaks, she
understood how I felt and was with me like my shadow. She understood me at times I thought I couldn’t
understand myself and it’s not just about boys. Bad grades, fights with parents, she helped me to get over all
those. Gradually we did make some friends. Maybe I got more friends than her. My increasing popularity became
the cause of friction between us. There were some days when she did not want to go to school saying that there
would be no one who would actually miss her. I had to constantly remind her that I would miss her tremendously.
Sometimes, I just did not understand why she behaved so awkwardly when I was with my friends. There were
times when she used to silently get up and walk away saying that she wanted to give me my privacy. I used to be
cool about it and say “fine”. Never did I realize that she actually wanted me to hang on to her and not let her go.
This was one experience from my view. It is essential to hear the same experience from Sumedha’s view as well. So
her story goes something like this: when we moved to Antwerp in the year 2008, I was already a bit apprehensive
about how are social lives are going to get started. I had watched a lot of Hollywood films and noticed that there
were a lot of pretty girls who spread rumours and love to gossip. One naturally avoided crossing paths with them. I
stereotyped foreign schools and thought that I had to be anything but ‘myself’. The thought scared me. On the
other hand Sumona seemed very excited about going to a new school, in a new country, where she would make
new friends. I did not want to scare her so I told her nothing about my apprehensions.

On my first day of school, i was surprised that i did not feel like a newbie at all. In fact i felt worse. I had never
imagined that just being nice and polite is not enough to be ‘somebody’. One has to struggle a lot to make an
impression on others. Maybe this was not the case but that was how the atmosphere hit me. Nevertheless, i
started struggling to talk, move and not be good in studies. I admit that i was a good student but it was considered
just the opposite of cool. My priorities changed and so did my behaviour. On the other hand, Sumona took it as an
experience and fared better than me. I felt rebellious at first but later I realised that i did not want to diminish
sumona’s happiness in any way. So i slowly began to take myself out of the circle, relying only on Sumona as my
best friend. That worked well and kept me off tears for a long time.

It would be wrong to suggest that i had no friends at all. I had a few friends to whom i was and still am so grateful
that they helped me, unconsciously, to bring out that confident, smart and a nice person out of me. That takes us
to an end of my side of the experience in Antwerp. Swapping minds is necessary right now. So the story continues
from sumona’s side. This is when we started our new school and were thrown into same situation as in 2008 but
there was a difference in the way both of us handled the situation: maybe a hint of maturity and experience.

I did not realize that until we were back in our former school “St. Joseph’s Convent High School”. We came back to
India after completing three years of schooling in Belgium. This world seemed very opposite to the one we had
been living in. Unfortunately, we had picked up many of the qualities that made us really careless about our
education. Our interest did not seem to hold on to one topic for more than fifteen minutes.

We had to adjust a lot with our environment. Most of our classmates used to think of us as outsiders and they
were not willing to befriend us. I was okay with that but Sumedha wanted to fit in really badly. She succeeded in
making friends and I have to admit her friends were fun-loving yet I found myself going out of the picture. I could
not understand why. I used to be the popular girl in my former school. Was it possible that I was no more
interesting? How can they like Sumedha more? She was a bit boring. Contrary to my image of her, she became
everything I could have never hoped for her to be. She became fun-loving, became funny and poked fun of people
in a friendly way yet at the same time, she was compassionate, full of energy and was always there for her friends
whenever necessary.

Initially, I envied her. Really I have no other word for that feeling. I wanted to be in that place she was. I wanted to
have the image she had but I couldn’t. We were sisters and were really close so she started noticing the changes in
my behaviour. I was cold towards her and always made a face when her friends called. She asked me if there was
anything wrong with me. I could not hold back the contempt any longer. I blurted out everything. She was crying
silently when she hugged me tightly and apologized. Her tears acted like a stimulant in my eyes and I did not
realize when tears started streaming from my eyes, too. Rolling over to Sumedha for her view which goes like this:
I am totally flattered at the account Sumona gave of me. She always overestimates my abilities as a sister and tries
to encourage me to be a better person. When we came back to india, i was happy that i would be able to start over
with my social life and on the same time focus on academics. This time i had my doubts about whether or not they
would accept me as one of their fellow classmates or whether i would be able to fit in properly. To my surprise, my
apprehensions were uncalled for. People seemed unusually nice and this time it was for real. I did not have to
pretend to suppress myself because everyone here was very honest about what they felt. This was a major change
for me when i decided to let go of all the restrictions and be myself and that worked.

I have emerged as a person i have always wanted to be. A good friend, funny and cool along with being a good
sister. I am not judging myself but that is what others tell me. Being a sister and a friend are not very smooth jobs
especially when there is a call for both the roles at the same time. I have to prioritise most of the time. There were
times when i could not handle the jobs well and was in a fix. My friends were new and i wanted to impress them. I
was sure that Sumona would understand and i kept making assumptions about her. Well, those assumptions were
not true and Sumona was not okay with my lack of interest in her problems. It was not until much later when i
realised that i have been a sister much longer than i have been a friend. That was not all,though. Then we agreed
to give each other some space so that we can handle our lives in a mature and independant way without much
interference from the other and yet be each other’s best friend.

During our adolescent life we have learnt one major thing. As we are growing with each day passing, our
relationships grow, too. That is not the normal king of growing that can be associated with physical growth.
Problems occur in a life and pose as hurdles. Once we cross those hurdles, it is not the end of the war just a mere
end of the battle. There will be many more hurdles but crossing them together with each other builds our
confidence and urges us to go forwards in life. She is not only my constant companion but my greatest rival as well.
Still the most important thing is that she accepts me with all my flaws. So the next time, you come across a twin ,go
up to them and ask them deliberately if they are really twins because it not only will frustrate them to a degree but
will remind them about how incredibly lucky they are to have each other as we are reminded of this in our daily
lives. Though the only difference is that now, we have no complaints.