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Chapter 1

I could still remember it clearly, his smell, his touch, his rough hands but the most important
thing I needed to remember which was his face was blurry. It happened years ago but It was still
clear as a white cat on a burnt grass. I was coming from a party my friend hosted it wasn’t really
my scene but my friend begged me to be there and I went not knowing it would be the worst decision
I ever made in my life.

My boss brought me back to life banging on my desk oh I was daydreaming again at work
I immediately collected myself and asked her if she needed any help, she handed me a pile
of documents that needed to be stapled. This is not the life I wanted for myself I was always
ambitious, I had dreams I wanted to be one of the most successful young businesswomen
in our country but I guess God had other plans because here I was running around Mrs
Robinston stapling her documents I mean how useless can one possibly be in life. I was a
receptionist and that didn’t come with any perks except coming tired from all the typing,
answering calls and running around from 9AM to 5PM. I always looked forward to my
chilled evenings in front of my laptop watching series.

I had a new series that I had downloaded at work “how to get away to get with murder” I
mean I worked hard the least they could do is let me use their wi-fi although Mrs Robinston
would kill me and bury me on their office garden then plant flowers on top of it. When I
got home I defrosted chicken I was running out of groceries I needed to be careful or else
by the time my payday arrives I would be dead of hunger I was planning on cooking it with
some salads I was trying to avoid starch I heard it helps when you are trying to lose weight
although I wasn’t so sure but trying never hurt anyone. I prepared my meal as music was
blasting on the background. The knife I was using to cut some cucumbers cut my finger
and already my finger was leaking blood I watched it drop on the floor as soon as it did
something triggered my memory.

I begged the guy to stop hurting me I was still a virgin I knew nothing about sex I was never
interested but I knew that you had to be wet first before the guy can penetrate you, he forced himself
on me I cried but it was meaningless my cries were replaced by sobs silent sobs as he pounded me
violently.
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I quickly went to the bathroom to try and stop the bleeding after I was done I took the
mop and wiped the floor then carried on with my meal. This salad and boiled meat didn’t
do it for me but I really wanted to lose weight so I had to brace it, I washed the meal with
some green tea. I continued with some series.

I was running late as usual this thing of me being late was becoming a habit now I had to
rush to the train station just when i was getting nearer there was a commotion and this old
lady told me that trains were delayed oh great just great now I had to go back to the very
same rank I passed earlier when I came here I thanked the lady and rushed out of the train
station. I looked around and this big car stopped in front of me I might not be that good
with cars but I knew that it was called a Fortuner. The driver asked me where I was going
I told him, I lived at Braamfontein I rented a room there which had a bathroom so every
day I took a train to work, I worked in the CBD. I thanked my lucky stars and got in the
car. He dropped me off by my workplace and sped off I didn’t even get to thank him and
he didn’t introduce himself either well I rushed to my workplace.

“You are so much in trouble” that was my annoying colleague Palesa, she told me that the
boss lady wanted to see me.

“shit!”

“You are swearing” I rolled my eyes at no one in particular because she couldn’t see me.

Oh she was still here some annoying person she was, I quickly rushed to the boss lady’s
office I found her furious, she was a bit exaggerating I was only thirty minutes late okay
maybe an hour but what could have possibly gone wrong in an hour what mattered was
that I was here breathing I mean that mattered right.

“You are late!” she roared.

“uhm I can explain maam” I was shaking.

To be honest I really had no explanation at all I couldn’t possibly tell her that I was
watching a series and I overslept.

“This is your first written warning, if you weren’t such a hard worker I would have fired
you long time ago”
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“I am so sorry it’s the last time I do this I promise”

“That’s what you said the last time”

“I just i….” I stuttered.

“Take this and consider as your first written warning and close the door on your way out”

I guess that was my cue to leave, I needed to get hold of my habits if I wanted to keep this
job I was lucky enough to get it without any qualification.

Chapter Two

Your child needs food and money for school.

That was a text from my aunt who lived with my son back in KZN, that was the text I
always got on my payday even before I got the one notifying me about my salary. I made
a mental note to transfer a R1000 which was never enough to her, it’s like I had to take
care of her too I really needed a better paying job. After reading that text I went back to
sleep there was no way I was going to transfer some money at 1AM I still needed my beauty
sleep it was a good thing I wasn’t working the following day.

I was coming back from the ATM when I noticed this car following me well not really
following me but it was like it was watching my every move. If I was rich I would think
someone was sent to spy on me or something but I really had nothing to offer so that was
out of question.

I told my friends that I was leaving since I didn’t feel so good they were occupied so they had no
problem I took my coat by the door, since it was really late I rushed hoping no one would attack
me I could see home from where I was when this car I didn’t see coming stopped right in front of
me.

I quickly erased the thought and told myself to breathe in and out surely that incident
would never happen again and I mean God can’t really hate me that much in such a way
that he would continuously send people to attack me. When I got to my place I called my
aunt to ask her if she got the money, she picked up almost immediately

“You know that money is not enough, food is really expensive nowadays surely you know
that”
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I don’t know where she thinks I worked, I needed to survive too I couldn’t send her all the
money I had.

“I’m sorry anti but it’s all I can afford right now”

“awu cha kodwa ke yona ingane idinga okuningi kunalokhu osinikeza kona iyadla phela
lengane”

“I will send more when I can promise”

Family!

On my way to work the following the day I saw the very same car following me but quickly
brushed the thought away and rushed to the train station. Luckily this time around I
arrived right on time at work and Mrs Robinston was there already you would swear she
had no husband or family to take care of she was always the first one to arrive and the last
one to leave it was annoying really because she was always watching us like a hawk nothing
never gets past her or so she thought.

During lunchtime Palesa came to me and said that we should go get lunch the girl was
trying so hard to be my friend and I was not interested I didn’t trust anyone the last thing
I needed was a friend and I was fine on my own but I went with her anyway. She was telling
me about how her husband is always working and hardly give her his attention and the
kids are always asking about him blah blah I wasn’t interested really in rich kid’s problem.

“can you atleast pretend to be interested geez you are so mean”

“excuse me” I widened my eyes.

“you care about only yourself”

“that’s not true” I defended myself although I knew it was true.

“oh is it? How is it that no one is friends with you at the office”?

I raised my eyebrow she really thought I cared.

“No, but I know you will tell me why?”

“You are selfish” well not having friends doesn’t make one selfish in my vocabulary.

“I think we should go back to work.”

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“OOOkay” she dragged herself behind me, maybe I was a bitter person.

Chapter 3

Okay this car following me was becoming a habit now and I was also scared I mean who
would take time out of their busy day just to follow me around. This one afternoon I was
coming back from work it was a public holiday which meant half day for us I noticed this
white BMW just outside my place it wasn’t the same car that used to follow me so I had no
worries I just passed it. I heard someone calling for my name I turned, it was the guy the
very same guy that gave me a lift the other day.

“what”?”

“I’m sorry I caught you on such a dreadful day”

“how can I help you?”

“I need some I..”

“I’m sorry but I’m rushing somewhere” he asked sincerely.

“can I take you home? “I huffed, I could use some comfortable leather seat rather than
those from the train that can make your butt swell in a minute but I didn’t trust this guy.

“I promise I don’t bite”

“Fine” I said as I was going to the passenger seat.

“so, is this a coincidence?”

“what?”

“you, here offering to give me a lift”

“oh, I actually came to finalize a deal”

I raised an eyebrow enquiring him to go on but he kept quiet and drove me to this coffee
shop I know it because Mrs Robinston always asks me to get her coffee there it’s not my
kind of place very expensive.

“I didn’t know we were going to a coffee shop”

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He smiled a bit but quickly collected himself, it’s like he wanted to be this tough guy who
doesn’t take nonsense.

“I thought you would love some coffee”

I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

“did you see the sun out? Its scorching hot and besides I don’t even like coffee”

He looked hurt by my words, was that harsh? Well I don’t like coffee

“so now can you take me to my place?”

“you really don’t have to be so cold not everyone is out there to hurt you”

“what?” people really thought they have me all figured out.

“I can see right through you it’s like you have built this wall around and you don’t want
anyone to break it”

“so, two seconds around and already you think you have me all figured out wow congrats
Mr”

“my name is Sandile”

He said as he stopped in front of my house I was about to get off and it clicked I never
showed him where I live I looked at him sternly.

“Sandile how do you know where I live?”

“I like the way you say my name but you showed me where you live”

Mxm it seems like I won’t be getting any answers from this Sandile guy I made sure to bang
the door when I got off.

My feet up on my coffee table, coffee on one hand and some snacks catching up on some
series is what I always look forward to after a crazy afternoon at work. Being a receptionist
is not my idea of fun and contentment but what choice did I have.

I decided to check on my son he was growing up fast, I needed to go home soon I had
avoided them for a long time it was time I went back home. I avoided home because it
brought memories I had buried at the back of my head.
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As days went by this Sandile guy made sure to be up in my face whenever, he never takes
no for an answer. He took me to this secluded place once for shooting lessons I mean who
does that but I have to admit I enjoyed it ever since he has been acting like I am his
girlfriend he doesn’t get it just because he has taken me out once or twice well maybe five
times it doesn’t mean we are now dating or friends even because he has never asked me to
date him I don’t even know what gave him the idea, I can never say no to free food though.

This one morning I found Mrs Robinston all stressed out at work as soon as I made my way
in she commanded me to email everyone and notify them about the meeting at 10AM, we
all knew that whenever she calls a staff meeting there is a problem brewing she never calls
for a raise. I emailed everyone and made sure to tell them also when they get to work in
case they check their emails too late.

We were all scattered in the boardroom everyone asking those next to them what was
happening, I was silently praying that I don’t get fired if there was one person Mrs
Robinston would fire first it would be me I mean I had never been on her best books ever.
As soon as she got in we all sat down and kept quiet.

“as you all know that the place hasn’t been doing good for the past two years management
has decided to close it down, someone else has already bought the place and will do
whatever they want with it which means that we have no business you will all get your
rightful packages. Should anyone have any questions please do come to my office. This will
be our last month unless we get a miracle”

We all gasped we did not expect this at all I mean yes, we knew about the low profits but
we didn’t think it was that bad. In a month’s time, I will be jobless life can really be
unpredictable one minute you have it all well not really have it but surviving and the next
you have nothing. Yes, I did not have the best job in the world but I was content.

As much as I didn’t want to I found myself calling Sandile I mean he is the only person
whoever showed interest in me and so I regarded him as my friend because well I’m a loner.

“why, what happened?” he asked me after I told him that I was jobless I then explained
the whole thing to him he listened attentively.

“I am sure the buyer will turn the place around but he could at least think of our jobs”
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“but your manager sold the place” how did he know that.

“Sandile how do you know she sold the place?”

“because I am the buyer!”

Chapter 4

It’s been a month since Sandile bought the place he offered me a job but my pride wouldn’t
let me take it. I had decided to go home for few days just to clear my head I was worried
about the next chapter of my life I really didn’t know what it had in store for me but I
could tell that I was on a road to struggle and poverty. Also, I had a son to think of in
whatever I do I wanted my son to have everything I ever wanted as a child with me having
no job meant he will not go to a private school as I had wanted to. His father, that is a
story for another day.

I am squashed in a taxi backseat with three huge ladies who have been eating since the taxi
took off if I had other choice I would have taken a bus but I decided on a last minute that
I was going home. Sandile will find an empty house when he comes to my place he really
has helped me over the past two months after I lost my job I even agreed to be his girlfriend
for the benefits not that I loved him, I hope he finds someone who loves him as he deserves
to be loved he is such a kind person just not for me. I found myself smiling think about
him, could that be love. Not! I enjoyed his company that’s all.

I got to my home town Mandeni around about 5am I called my drunkard of a cousin to
come and fetch me I knew he was still coming from a party now or accompanying his “one
night stand”. He picked up almost immediately and told me he would be there in few
minutes.

My aunt had just woken up sweeping the yard that’s what she does every morning before
she can do anything at all. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me as I made my
way to the house.

“ngiyathemba awuxoshiwe njalo” she just had to.

“morning, I am really tired can we talk after I wake up”

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She just looked at me then shook her head not that I blamed her I was known to be the
troublesome one in the family, I dragged my suitcase to the house and took it to my room.
My son was still sleeping I was going to see him when I wake up.

My name is Minenhle Zuma I was born and bred in a small town called Mandeni in KwaZulu
Natal, I am the only child from my mother’s womb she died while giving birth to me. My
father is somewhere in our location he drinks day in and day out he is just useless, he always
asks for R10 when he sees me. My aunt took me in she had no choice really. At the age of
16 I was raped but I never told anyone about that is how I conceived my son, I did not tell
anyone because I was ashamed I thought maybe there is something wrong with me that
made provoked the guy. It must have been something I was wearing since I liked short
things and I was half drunk since I was coming from a party. Till this day I don’t remember
the face of the guy who raped me my mind must have blocked it to protect me. At first, I
didn’t love my child he was a constant reminder of what happened but as time went on I
grew fond of him he loved me tirelessly, he showed me love I never got I connected to him
in a way I can never connect to anyone. I made a vow to live for him.

At the age of 18 I passed my grade 12 at that time my son was 2 years old, my results were
not that good so I was luckily accepted at MUT to do Diploma in HR which I dropped out
on second year since I had no financial means of carrying on so I had to that is how I ended
up in Joburg earning peanuts.

I woke up to find my son playing with my eyes trying to open them, I smiled and woke up.

“look at you all grown” I said tickling him he laughed while trying to hide his face he was
still shy even at 6 years old. I decided to wake up anyway it was round about 3pm. Lihle
was following me around, it’s like he was scared that I was going to disappear well I last
saw him 2 years ago I don’t blame him. My aunt gave me my food and told me to do the
dishes after I was done even at 21 years I was still ordered around like I was some child.

“you will cook supper for the whole family”

I agreed well it’s not like she was asking me, well my aunt is strict and rude at times we
don’t really get along but we love each other if you get what I mean. She raised me I will
forever be grateful for that.

Chapter 5
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This place is always crowded I woke up very early just so I can do everything I want
peacefully but here I am stuck in this queue it doesn’t help that it is two days before
Christmas I always do Christmas shopping late. A tap on my shoulder. Okay it’s probably
someone who wants to pass by. Another tap. Can’t a person just talk like normal people instead
of poking my arm. I turn with the meanest face and stunned to find the most handsome
dark soul on earth, I didn’t know we had those in Africa. Jokes, but Mandeni is the last
place you would expect to find a handsome guy like that.

“Sawubona”

Okay he speaks Zulu. Well of course he speaks Zulu he is in Mandeni after all.

“This line is moving really slow”

I was staring, I flush embarrassed.

“yeah it is”

“Monde”

He says with his hand out for a handshake.

“Minenhle”

“beautiful name for a beautiful lady”

Next customer please! That is my cue I am out of here. I rush to the till hoping he won’t
follow me.

“can I atleast get your number”

This handsome fool followed me and these plastics are heavy. Did he really have to see me
in this all sweating and panting with six plastics three in one hand and the other 3 on one
hand with 20th century jeans. I put the plastics down then turn to look at him.

“let me help you with those plastics”

“no, I’m fine really”

He looks at my hands still carrying two plastics and smirks.

“I insist”
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Well I could do with some little help around here.

He takes the rest of the plastics and follow me to the…no wait this is not the way to the
rank it goes to the parking lot.

“I offered to help with the plastics”

“sorry uhm Monde but I don’t have a car”

“I know”

“where are we going then because this is definitely not the route to the rank”

“well I am taking you home”

He says that as he puts the plastics in the boot.

“please give me directions to your house”

He says as he starts the car, this is some machine he is driving I’m sure everyone at the
place I live at will be looking at me I will surely be the talk of the day. Not that I mind.

“so, tell me about yourself”

I hate this question. The way I get so blank when someone asks me this question I forget
my name even.

“there is nothing to tell really, my life is not that interesting”

“I did not ask you to tell me an interesting story, I just asked you to tell me about yourself”

Commanding much. Well where do I start.

“from the start”

He said that as if he read my mind

“it was a rainy morning as my aunt puts it when my mother experienced some intense pains
they knew I was on my way (I smile thinking about it) but unfortunately my mother died
immediately after I was born after that things took a wrong turn till this day”

“oh, I’m sorry about your mother but that is a really summarised version” he said raising
an eyebrow with a smile I guess to make me comfortable.
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“well I grew up knowing my aunt as my mother but as I grew older I learnt that she wasn’t
I found a diary. At 16 I was raped I gave birth to my gorgeous son whom I love so much
(his facial expression changed after I mentioned the rape part) a lot has been happening in
my life I recently lost my job so yeah that is me”

I have never opened to anyone about myself like that I don’t know what I felt at that
moment but It felt like a relief, like a massive load has been lifted off my shoulder. He held
my gaze for a moment

“Minenhle that is not the way you should describe yourself but thank you”

“for?”

“for opening up to me”

“oh”
Honestly, I didn’t know what to say I was really an awkward person especially around a
guy Sandile once said this. Why am I thinking about Sandile now?

….

Christmas at Mandeni is a big deal for kids as they go around wearing new clothes enjoying
themselves however this year was different. I was invited by Monde for family lunch at his
house, normally I wouldn’t have agreed to come but this was Monde we are talking about.
How can I say no to him? I woke up early so that I can cook lunch before I leave as much
as my aunt wouldn’t say but I knew she appreciated me being here. Lihle woke up soon
after me he was one early bird I guess the Christmas excitosis was getting to him. He kept
his clothes beneath his pillow after fitting them he couldn’t let them out of his sight. It
didn’t help me that I had lost my job, it pained me just thinking about it. Most people are
eager for a new year but I was dreading it I really wasn’t looking forward to it. I decided to
buy Lihle’s uniform with his Christmas clothes and saved money for the fees I was going to
worry about other things later. Chronicles of being a single mother come to think about it
I should write a book about that I’m sure it would be interesting even. For now, let me
enjoy Christmas seriously I don’t understand why people fuss about Christmas really to me
it just any day except it’s a day whereby people waste money and food.
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Monde arrived later he looked rather dashing while I looked average I was wearing a dress
that is just below the knees and with heels that my cousin lent me I don’t own any pair of
heels I think its high time I shop for new thing if I’m going to be invited to Christmas
lunches occasionally.

We arrived at this gigantic homestead which had several houses it was like there are many
homes in one home I’m not sure that makes sense. There was a security guy at their gate I
didn’t understand exactly how rich the guy was I mean who in their right mind build such
a big homestead having not been married. I’m saying this because I didn’t see any ring in
his finger so I’m assuming he is not married.

“exactly how rich are you” I asked as we exited the car.

“I’m not rich” he said smirking

“if you say so”

“welcome to my home, I hope you won’t be intimidated by my family” I raised my eyebrow

“your family?” he laughed

“yes, my family Minenhle why do you think I brought you here” Oh no!

Why didn’t I think of this before I really thought it was going to be the two of us maybe
not the two of us but I didn’t think he was going to bring the whole family here. A very
vibrant lady came out of the house.

“Hi!”

She was smiling widely; her smile was contagious I couldn’t help but smile too.

“oh my God you are so beautiful”

Most people always say that when they see me but I didn’t believe them I didn’t feel
beautiful.

“Okay sis calm down”

He took me in and led me to the biggest house of them all.

“you are late”

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One of the men in the table who really looked like Monde said that. There was two of them
and the energetic lady who greeted us earlier she got in and kissed the guy who spoke I
guessed she was the wife or the girlfriend. You could tell that she wanted so much to fit in
the family.

“shut up Musa”

He said frowning and the other guy who was quiet got up and greeted me in a very formal
manner. Finally, someone with some good manners in this house.

“I am Masande the big brother”

“Minenhle”

“siyakwamukela emagcekeni ka baba”

Such formality.

“Ngiyabonga”

“okay enough with formality” that must be the sarcastic brother

“I am Musa”

“nice meeting you Musa”

He stared at me and then said quietly

“you are even more beautiful in person”

Errr Should I be flattered by that. I chose not to answer.

“Lunch is ready” they have a maid? Well of course they have a maid.

Monde took my hand and we went out. We followed to the other house all this up and down
was tiring really, I was panting already. Its high time I took that eating healthy issue
seriously I had some really big thighs I was fat.

Lunch was already laid out okay so there are people who eat this much food where I come
from having meat on your meal is considered as a blessing really. We all sat down I
wondered where the parents were since I was meeting the “family”.

“sooo Minenhle tell us where did you meet our brother” the energetic lady.
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I smiled recalling the day it was really weird I wanted to laugh but I contained myself I
didn’t want them thinking I am some sort of a lunatic.

“I met him at the supermarket”

“she caught my eye at the queue I knew I had to talk to her but the way she looked at me
when I taped her shoulder was enough to make me run for the hills but I didn’t” I laughed

“how did I look at you?”

” you looked at me like I was dirty it’s like you were saying get your dirty little finger off me”
I laughed again.

“no, I did not”

He laughed and shook his head.

“okay lovebirds back to us” okay energetic one keep your tits on

The brothers were really cool they made me feel like I was part of the family which made
me wish I had a family some siblings at least, as much as they picked on each other you
could tell that they would kill for each other their love for each other knows no boundaries.

“Minenhle it was really nice meeting you” Masande said. I felt like I passed some kind of
an unknown test. I smiled assumingly and they all smiled back at me. Weird.

Monde and I were not dating but the way they all treated me it was like we were dating
already and him too maybe it’s because of my disclosure. TBH I loved him I really did and
I have known him for two days only.

After lunch, he took me home.

“my siblings really love you”

“love?”

“I know but they do”

“they are cool people” he took my hand and held it

“thank you”

“for?”
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“coming to my family it really means a lot to me”

I smiled.

“Pleasure”

“I know we’ve known each other for like two days but what I feel for you is really strong”

I know I feel it too. I raised my eyebrow.

“Minenhle I love you and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you how much you
mean to me”

Now I was really shocked I really didn’t expect him to say it like that how blunt can he
possibly be.

“I know it’s a shock Minnie but yeah it is what it is” he blinked.

He then focused on the road, I didn’t know what to say whether to tell him that I love him
too or wait.

“I’m scared” we were now close to my home so he stopped.

“I’m scared to fall in love” I said feeling the need to explain further.

“why?”

I don’t know. I couldn’t help but think he felt sorry for me or that he wanted to be a hero
and save me from myself.

“okay no pressure but just think about it okay”

“Thank you”

“okay I’m going to kiss you now just don’t freak out okay”

Just do it already. When was the last time I was kissed I wonder if I can still kiss

He held my head and brought it closer our foreheads were touching then brushed my hair
a bit while looking at straight into my eyes, my breathing was quickening I closed my eyes
when I felt his finger brushing my lower lip. My lips parted and then he kissed me slowly I
responded to the kiss almost immediately.
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He was smiling looking down at me.

“that was terrific”

I looked at him.

“I have to go”

“I am seeing you tomorrow right”

“you are?”

“okay can I see you tomorrow” he asked smiling

“okay” I said quietly

He got out of the car too when I got out and hugged me I could see my aunt and the
neighbours peeping out of their windows already, he was parked far from my house but
when a car like that comes by everyone becomes curious it’s not every day a jaguar passes
by. I wasn’t looking forward to the stares I was going to get on my way home.

“usuqomile ntombi?” that was my aunt, only she can be blunt like that and she said that
as soon as I got in she couldn’t wait for me breathe at least.

“no aunt it’s not like that” I said trying to busy myself around the house

“if you will be bringing men and cars like in my yard you need to tell me about it”

“aunt it wasn’t in your yard” my eyes were literally in the sky with the eye roll I was doing

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Time sure flies when you are having fun, Monde was amazing he was everything I ever
dreamed of, everything I ever wanted in a man. This is a time where I needed a friend to
just let off the steam you know I was literally dying to tell people about how I felt.

Chapter 6

It was January and my kid was back in school I must say it was a tough time for me, for
some people January is a difficult month because they have been spending recklessly over
festive but that wasn’t the case with me I had to go back to Joburg and look for a job. I
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was so desperate I could even take the job Sandile offered. Monde was totally against the
idea he was on some “I want you to stay at home and I could take care of you” like hello
its barely been month since we’ve been together and already he is dictating me around. I
can’t depend on a guy for the rest of my life I mean what happens when he gets tired. Well
he suggested I go back to university and finish off my diploma but I couldn’t not with a
child to take care of.

“you know Minenhle you will never get this opportunity in life” that was my aunt who was
looking at me closely as I was packing my clothes.

“and who will take care of Lihle financially and myself if I go back to school”

“I thought you said uthe uzokunakekela and your child” I frowned

“that is just too much”

“you know you won’t be anything if you don’t have a qualification and you need to take
help when it’s given to you” she said that as she got up to let me do my thing

“you are just too stubborn I don’t know who you take after” she mumbled going out.

Well.

Monde convinced me to let him take care of me atleast which meant him giving a “secure
accommodation” not the dusty Tembisa I wanted to live in and let him help me find a job.
I really didn’t know how rich Monde was because I later found out that he was also in
property at Joburg and we all know how good investing in that is.

I made sure to call my family as soon as I settled in, I was living in this cute apart… no it
was far from cute stunning is the word I was looking for.

“ngihambe kahle anti”

Of course, she had something to whine about and gossip about also I would frown and laugh
at the same time, my aunty was that one person who knew every dirty secret about
everyone around and she was kind enough to share. I was still laughing when Monde got in
we had travelled together since I didn’t know the place I would be staying. My life was
really turning out I didn’t know whether for good or bad. He raised his eyebrow and I told
my aunt I would call her later then dropped the call.
20 | P a g e

“family doing good”

“yes they are, you don’t look so good”

I got up from the couch and went to him, he didn’t say anything just looked at me in the
eye while I kissed him my hands found its way to his abs while he deepened the kiss.

“talk to me”

I said in between the kissing, he groaned and touched my booty which was fat on its own
about that healthy eating new year resolution, he grabbed while nibbling on my ear okay
now this was sending tingling sensations down my spine.

“ahhh baby” he went down to my neck while taking my top off his other hand touched my
already erect nipple talking about responding fast to the touch. He went back to my lips
while putting me down on the couch.

“baby let me in” we had been abstaining. I know.

He went down on my belly sucking on it while his hand found its way to my punani and I
was wet really wet. I moaned when his thumb rubbed on my clit, he then took off my jeans
roughly, my lace new underwear included it better not tear off. I was now really exposed
to him he opened, he opened my thighs really wide now my pussy was just sitting there
looking at him while he looked at it.

“baby let me welcome you properly”

He ate my pussy like his life depended on it, I was screaming like a bitch I have had oral
sex before but not like this, his finger was rubbing on my outer anus while doing me with
his tongue which brought both pleasure and pain at the same time. I could feel my orgasm
building up and before I knew it he was inside me banging me I screamed well I can’t
remember the last time I had sex so it was really tight.

“I’m sorry baby I couldn’t…. aahhh”

Pleasure was really kicking in and oh baby it was so good it got me speaking in tongues.

I really wasn’t used to living on this side of Joburg I didn’t even know who lived next door,
these walls were really high. Monde was going to be in town till I get “settled” which meant
21 | P a g e

him finding me a job I could really get used to this treatment I mean just being taken care
of.

Monde had just finished taking a bath when I got in.

“what are we doing today?” he smiled and turned to me.

“I am showing you around” I laughed

“Monde I know Joburg okay I lived here for more than two years”

“well you lived on shady side of Joburg, I don’t know how you survived two years in
Braam” he smirked.

“oh, wow I feel insulted you know, come give me some love”

“did you brush your teeth” I loved the playful Monde

“Monde!”

He gave me a kiss I quickly went to bath too.

I wore a floral dress with some sandals and left my braids loose it was scorching hot outside
that’s Joburg weather for you when it gets hot it gets really hot. Monde was wearing light
brown chinos with a white shirt tucked and white stan smith.

“we gonna go to the movies and then do some shopping afterwards” he said as we were
driving out.

“but babe you treat me so good” I was getting emotional this was all so new to me my heart
refused to believe it. He held my hand.

“I love you”

We went to this huge mall I was told that it opens 24/7.

“now this my love is Mall of Africa”

“it’s really huge”

“yeah it is, you can even shop at night here”

22 | P a g e

We watched some action movie I know I’m supposed to be all about Rom Coms but I loved
me some action then we did shopping. We started factorie I checked some jeans and this
jean I loved costed about R500 now that’s ridiculous a lousy jean and some costed over
that.

“take whatever you want love and don’t worry about the price let me worry about that
okay” he could see that I was doubting. We he didn’t have to tell me twice, after we were
done we went to Makro to get some kitchen appliances.

It was Monday morning Monde had to go to Durban he told me that he had some business
to care of well I was going to miss him but I could do with some breather the guy had been
suffocating me I was just used to being on my own, not having someone breathing on my
neck every now and then. I was making him breakfast while he checked if he had everything
he needed. After I was done I called him to come and have breakfast with me.

“I could get used to this”

He said that when he saw the setting.

“I will take that as a compliment”

He dished out whatever he wanted, thanks to the grocery we did the previous day. Monde
took this “taking care of my woman” too far I didn’t have to do anything with my money
well not that I had any money. I looked at him chewing and thought of how much I’ve
fallen in love with this person in such a short span of time and I could see that he loved me
too. He was so focusing on his food he didn’t even see me staring at him. He was dark in
complexion like really dark and tall, he liked leaving his head bald like your typical Zulu
man but lately he changed and did some stunning men cut of which I influenced of course.
One of his brother was light skinned which I was told he looked like their mother and him
and Musa took after their father but they all looked alike. Monde told me that the bubbly
one wanted to see me so we could do some shopping together she lived in Rosebank, we
were gonna go with the other wife too so what is this now some wives/girlfriend club outing.

“earth to Minenhle hellow!” he said waving his hand, I smiled.

“you know I was thinking”

“mind sharing” he said with his eyebrow raised

23 | P a g e

“I was thinking about how much I’m going to miss you I mean ever since I moved here
we’ve been practically living together”

” I know I mean it’s hard not to miss me” I smiled I was getting emotional.

“are you getting emotional”

“what, me oh no” he laughed then came to give me a hug.

“I am really going to miss this” he said kissing me.

He was probably on a highway going to Durban so I was now alone, I focused on googling
the places that were hiring I was using his laptop that he left with me. I emailed my CV to
few places of which I was just doing it I had no hope that they were going to get back to
me with the experience that they needed from the applicants.

I had just woken up when I got a call from the bubbly one she asked me if we can hit the
stores today I was in no mood for them but what could I have possibly done I was bored to
death watching the t.v the entire day is not my idea of fun. She said she was going to come
and pick me up since I’m the only one who doesn’t have a car. weird enough she knew where
I lived although I don’t remember telling her. After the call, I made the bed then went to
take the shower.

I was still chilling having breakfast when she buzzed at the gate, okay that was really fast.
I opened then waited for her at the door, she had the widest smile when she got out of the
car she was driving the latest AUDI talk about living nice. We hugged.

“I really can’t get over your beauty if I had your beauty I swear I wouldn’t even bother
wearing makeup” I had untied my braids so I had my natural hair on, I still can’t take
compliments so I just smiled.

“welcome to my home, come on in”

She followed me in.

“I still can’t get over this house its always like I’m seeing it for the first time it is gorgeous”
oh
24 | P a g e

“you’ve been here” she looked at me and smiled.

“of course, I’ve been here, Monde used to live here” I raised my eyebrow as she went about
making breakfast she even knew where to find what talk about comfortability.

“I see you already feel at home so I’m gonna go get something to wear”

“alright love” she said taking a spoonful of salad from the fridge.

I went upstairs shaking my head, I checked my phone and was surprised to see that Monde
had deposited some money in my account I called him.

“you deposited some money into my account” I said matter of factly

“yes, I did”

“what is it for?”

“I don’t know whatever you want to do with it” oh

“okay babe thank you”

Monde needed to let me fend for my own money, he had deposited some money after the
money he left which I hadn’t used because I had everything I wanted. I made a mental
note to deposit some to my family.

I opted for some high waisted jeans I got at top shop which fitted perfectly since I had big
thighs, fat ass and some tiny wait it was really hard to find something that fits perfectly.
Jeans with a lace black bodysuit, flowered kimono with some high heeled nude heels.
Thanks to the shopping I had been doing with Monde I literally had a new wardrobe. The
weather was chilled outside so I let my hair loose.

“minenhle uwe lo?” she said as soon as I stepped in “my love you are stunning”

I smiled “I had to I mean I’m going with you and look at you”

She had a simple denim shirt, jeans and heels but she looked beautiful in her slender dark
self, she was tall you would swear she is model. She insisted we take some pictures before
we leave.

Chapter 7
25 | P a g e

It’s been two months and I still haven’t found any job it would be better if I got those “we
regret” messages but there was nothing. It was frustrating I even considered taking
Monde’s offer of going back to school because staying at home all day every day is not how
I envisioned my life at all.

My phone beeped while Monde and I were cuddling I checked the message

Thank you for the money my daughter it was a lot, did you get a job?

Okay, my aunt hardly ever calls me her daughter when thanking me for money because I
used to send them “peanuts” as she called it, this meant that Monde had sent them money
without me knowing and made it seem like I’m the one who sent the money.

“Monde” I said to him softly trying to contain the anger that was brewing inside me.

“I love it when you call my name like that”

“did you deposit some money to my aunt?”

He scratched his head and looked away and I knew there and then that he was guilty he
always does that when he has done something.

“where did you even get her account number”

“on your phone”

“Monde you didn’t even approach me about the matter, you always take decisions for me
and I don’t appreciate it. Stop treating me like a charity case!”

“wow I thought you would be grateful”

“grateful! Monde grateful that you are just throwing your money on my face and
suffocating me while at it”

“I’m suffocating you” he said quietly

“yes, geez let me breathe and what you did was really unnecessary”

I took my phone and went to the bathroom banging the door on my way out, Monde was
really annoying at times it was already frustrating me enough that I couldn’t take care of
myself.
26 | P a g e

When I got out of the bathroom I found him in his clothes ready to leave.

“where are you going?”

“I am letting you breathe” he took his wallet and car keys then left, mxm he can go hang
himself for all I care.

I busied myself around the house tidying up and cooking, I loved cooking when stressed
out it calmed my nerves in a way. While tidying up I got a call from the bubbly
one(Simphiwe).

“babe, can we go out for lunch tomorrow” doesn’t this one have any friends

“errr I’m not sure hey”

“please I need someone to talk to and you are the only person I trust” okay I was flattered

“okay, what time” it’s not like I was busy or anything but at the same time I didn’t want
her thinking I have nothing to do

“is midday OK with you”

“yeah, I think so ill text you”

“thank you” she sighed

“are you OK?”

“I think Musa is cheating on me” oh dear I was just asking for formality I didn’t expect
her to tell me something that drastic.

“are you sure?”

“my instincts are never wrong, listen we will talk tomorrow a patient just go in” we said
our goodbyes and she dropped the call. Simphiwe felt like it was her duty to welcome us all
and be friendly to us since she was the first one to join the Mbatha family and be introduced.
I didn’t see myself as part of the family yet but hey the girl was trying so I had to meet her
halfway.

It was now evening and Monde was not back yet I was starting to feel bad for lashing out
like that earlier I mean the last thing I needed was to push him away when he had been
nothing but good to me, I was about to call him when I got a call from Sandile we spoke
27 | P a g e

every now and then so he knew I was back in Joburg and jobhunting. He was over the fact
that I just disappeared I feel he never liked me though he wasn’t even hurt by the fact that
I left.

“I’ve got good news for you” I could do with some good news

“what sup?”

“I got a job offer for you since you don’t want to work for me”

“oh, you do?”

“can you sound a bit excited please” I laughed

“I am, I am elated, where?”

“at this publishing company, you will be working as their editor”

“editing? You know I’m not qualified for that”

“just go to the interview then you will see”

“when” I asked panicking

“next week Monday, that will give you time to prepare”

“thank you Sandile this really means a lot to me although I doubt I will get the job”

“have some positivity please woman” I missed him and I loved that he was totally over
me, thank heavens for that.

It was now 8pm and the person who is supposed to be my boyfriend was still not back from
wherever he was at. I didn’t want to dish without him so I called him but it rang
unanswered I tried again and no I still couldn’t reach him. I decided to dish out for myself.

I waited for him watching t.v while a thrower was wrapped around me it was cold.

I woke up to find his bedside empty now I was really worried I was tempted to call the
bubbly one but I didn’t want her knowing about my relationship problems she might trust
me but I didn’t trust her. I called him again this time he answered with a “ngingena egatin”
and dropped the call. God intervene.
28 | P a g e

He got in wearing the clothes he was in yesterday but you could tell that he drank the night
away, okay we quarrelled but it wasn’t that big such that you can drown yourself on
alcohol. Did this mean every time we have an argument he is gonna go and drink, I wanted
to apologise earlier but now I wasn’t so sure. He got in and went to take a bath I decided
to go back to sleep I wasn’t about to waste my sleep on him.

I was drifting to sleep when he came back and he mumbled that he was hungry and that
annoyed me to the core I got out of the bed kicking the blankets furiously and went to
warm his food. The time was 3:00 AM, I tapped my foot in impatience while microwave
took forever. He got in wearing his pyjamas, I gave him his food on a tray and he asked for
a juice the nerve of this guy, he was really testing my patience.

“Here”

He took it and gulped on one go I was about to turn the corner when he said

“aren’t you going to stay with me?”

I looked at him annoyed

“oh, I forgot I am suffocating you” I sighed oh dramatic much.

I sat on one of the high chairs and looked at him

“look, Monde I am sorry I shouldn’t have said that it wasn’t uncalled for”

“but?”

“it just feels like this is a one-way relationship like you make all the decisions even decisions
that involve me, if you want this to work you need to meet me halfway I am not your child
I am your girlfriend, talk to me include me in decision making and most of all love me.
Treat me like an adult that I am” he took my hands and kissed my knuckles while looking
at me straight in my eyes.

“I am sorry too, I thought I was looking out for you”

“yes, you were but you went about it in a wrong way”

“I know babey I know, I am sorry okay” I smiled, see that wasn’t so hard (my inner voice
scolded me)
29 | P a g e

“come here, come to daddy”

I got up almost immediately I had missed him the few hours he wasn’t talking to me, I
stood in front of him and he put his hands behind me pulling me closer.

“so, we are fine?” he asked sincerely

“yes, I don’t like when we fight”

“I don’t like it either”

“but promise me one thing” I pointed out to him

“I’m listening”

“don’t go out drinking every time we fight, don’t walk out on me”

“but I must assure you I wasn’t in a club or anything like that, I went to Musa’s place”

“talking about that you Simphiwe called me”

“the bubbly one” he smirked, I laughed.

“I want to stop calling her that anyway she asked me out for lunch tomorrow”

“today” oh yeah “so are you going?”

“yeah, she said she has something important to talk to me about, I didn’t know I was that
special to her”

“she likes you” I gave him a yeah right look “seriously people like you Min and you don’t
see it I don’t know why”

“uuuh no”

“have you seen how people look at you emall especially males its annoying”

“lol jealous much babey” I said kissing him “let’s go to bed”

When I woke up the sun was up already and Monde was already up working in his study, I
went to wash my face, brush my teeth the norm then went to prepare breakfast for Monde.
It bothered me that I acted like his wife already he wouldn’t see the need to marry me when
he has it delivered on a silver platter. I wondered when he was going back to Durban
30 | P a g e

because that is where he worked formally, he owned properties this side so he didn’t need
to be here always because his brother took care of that and he was only called for important
matter but ever since I came to live this side he’s been around frequently at least that’s
what bubbly one told me.

I was standing in front of the mirror thinking of joining gym but I was just so lazy, Monde
was obviously against the idea according to him I had the meat in all the right places but
no I wasn’t feeling it. I was wearing a high waisted denim skirt with an off the shoulder top
and sandals I mean we were going out for lunch not a wedding I didn’t need to dress all out.
I was still putting my makeup on when Monde got in

“you know you don’t need all of that. I love you just the way you are”

“and I appreciate you baby but a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do” I said smiling. He just
shook his head and sat on the bed.

“so how do I look” I said standing up

“isn’t that skirt a bit too tight” I smirked

“uuuh no not really”

“oh I’m joking my love you look good”

I took my handbag and called Simphiwe telling her I was done

“I am taking you where are you meeting” said Monde getting up from the bed and taking
his keys.

“Mandela Square”

I found her already sitting down sipping cocktail Monde dropped me off and left.

“Guurl” she said getting up to give me a hug she was all about giving me love.

“so, dear what’s happening” I said after we had both placed our orders.

She took a long sigh I could tell this was stressing her out. Just then the big brother’s wife
got they all called her Manxumalo I didn’t know her name.

“asisatshelwa when its girl’s day out” OK this is awkward.

31 | P a g e

“there is always a room for one, join us” I said to the trying to kill the awkwardness.

“no, I don’t want to intrude I will see you around” well I tried. She then left

“oh, she is so dramatic, I don’t know how Masande got involved with her” I laughed

“you are so mean, that is your sister”

“she is just a bully she thinks just because she is married she owns everyone” okay I choose
not to involve myself in family politics.

“so how long have you been with Musa?” I said trying to change the topic.

“eight years” what? My pupils were all out literally

“wow” that’s all I could say. You know there is waiting and then there is insanity, how can
you be with someone for eight years and not get married. When you have met the one you
just know but then again, we don’t have the same intellectual capacity.

“I know and I can see that he is changing”

“changing how?”

“He is not the same Musa that I fell in love with it’s like the spark is not there anymore
and he is hardly ever home nowadays even yesterday he did not come back home” wait, I
thought they were together with Monde at her place but I decided to let that slide maybe
it was just my paranoia playing tricks on my mind.

“so, you think he is cheating maybe you are just reading too much into things hey”

“he suddenly has a password on his phone, he takes his calls outside and this one time I
found lipstick stain on his collar”

“wow and did you ask him about it”

“he just denied everything and pinned this whole thing about how I don’t trust him blah
blah blah” No! when men do that they are guilty of what you are accusing them of.

“maybe you are reading too much into this I mean you haven’t caught him red-handed
right?” I honestly didn’t know what to say.
32 | P a g e

“my friend I really don’t know what to do?” what does one say in such situation, I was
saved by the waiter which brought me much time to think.

“I think you need to talk to him openly as they say communication is key hey”

We talked some more before paying the bill.

“I really don’t know what I would if Monde could cheat on me” I said as we were headed
outside, she looked at me like she wanted to speak but then decided against it. Monde was
already waiting outside.

Chapter 8

I would feel much better if I was better qualified for this job and I knew much about the
company I mean it was recently opened so there wasn’t much to find except that everyone
wanted to be part of it apparently it was owned by some tycoon of sort. Monde had left for
Durban which meant I would be alone for the whole week I really didn’t mean it when I
said he was suffocating me a week without him would be hell.

Good luck with your interview, I believe in you.

Their offices were situated on the top floor so I had to use the lift there is no way I was
going to use the stairs I still wanted to lead a very long life. I was welcomed by a very kind
receptionist she told me that the manager was waiting for me.

“am I late?” she smiled

“no dear you are right on time”

I followed her to the manager’s office, the nerves were getting better of me there is nothing
scarier like an interview, my palms were sweating. She then turned to me “Goodluck” and
walked away.

I knocked once and I was told to come in, I was surprised to find him alone to interviews
ive been on I have never been interviewed by one person its usually three or more people.
Now this was really disturbing.

“come on have a seat” I smiled and sat down.

33 | P a g e

“I am Mr Johnson’s” Oh Nigerian

“I am Minenhle Zuma” he nodded and started paging on some file.

“so you have the job already, I noticed here that you don’t have any experience so we will
give you training first” oh wow

“I got the job really? I had the impression that I was coming for an interview”

“no, the job is yours already I just needed you here to sign some documents for me and
your training will start tomorrow”

“okay, thank you so much” I was stunned really.

“you know what they say you should strike while the iron is still hot”

“yeah very true”

He gave me some documents to sign which included a contract so he gave me space while I
went through honestly, I was just being professional I desperately needed a job so I was
going to sign it anyway.

Monde couldn’t believe it when I told him that I got the job just like that he was on some
“this guy will want something in return, he can’t give you a job just like that” well I wasn’t
surprised because he was against the idea of Sandile finding me a job in the first place
because he thought I was his ex. Imagine. I was looking forward to working with the
Johnson’s company and the unique environment was all exciting for me. Their salary was
good compared to what I used to live on.

It’s days like these where I wished I had a parent to share the good news with, no matter
how good my aunt can be she will never fill the void my mother left its always going to be
there. I didn’t even remember what she looked like I wondered what my life would have
turned out to be if I had a mother who fussed over me, who took care of me and fought for
me surely my life would have turned out to be different altogether I would be a different
person.

Chapter 9

Surely working in a publishing company would not be that hard, I mean all you have to do is
publish stories well that’s what I thought before this whole thing I didn’t think of the late
34 | P a g e

hours in, the research one has to do the hard work and hours you put in. it was all draining
but what was most exciting was seeing the boss’s face after you had pulled out a good job
this one time he even said “with the little experience you had I didn’t think you can come
up with this” I could see the boss didn’t have much faith on me and I was glad to prove
him wrong.

Monde and I were growing and getting to know each other better, I loved him dearly but I
liked it when he was at Durban come to think of it I have never been to his house in Durban.
I found him watching soccer when I got back from work, I loved my man but he was lazy
when it came to domestic work there were snacks wrappers and bowls all over it was
annoying especially when you come from work tired and expected to cook. “hey love” he
shouted when he saw me getting in not shifting his eyes away from the t.v I knew I wasn’t
getting any attention from him until he finished watching his game so I went to change
into more comfortable clothes and tidied the place up. I was so tired so I settled on amasi I
always make sure that I go all out when cooking but this time around amasi will do.

“how was work my love” he asked while shifting his legs from the coffee table and putting
his beer down as I gave him his food.

“good but tiring” I said getting comfortable next to him.

“that boss of yours is overworking you” I smiled.

“I could just quit and be a house wife” he smiled even wider

“usuyakhuluma ke manje” I laughed as he took my feet and gave them a massage

“I think my body needs a massage too babe” he grinned

“a masseuse at your service beautiful” I loved it when he was in a good mood.

I was woken up by Monde’s phone ringing one thing about me is that I’m a light sleeper I
wake up whenever I hear some movements so he untangled himself carefully from me and
answered the phone, you could by whatever he was being told that it was pissing him off.
He got up from bed and went outside to answer the phone I wanted to eavesdrop but then
again, I chose to trust him it’s not like he had given me any reasons not to I guess I fell
35 | P a g e

asleep on that quest. I was woken up by him again telling me that he was leaving as he had
an emergency to attend to in Durban.

“what sort of emergency?” I said rubbing my eyes and getting out of bed too. He came to
stand right in front of me and held my hands. Okay we are holding hands in the middle of
the night now that how deeply in love we are right.

“my nephew is sick and my brother needs me there” now I was fully awake not even
yawning this got my attention.

“what? What happened? Do you want me to come with you?” he let go of my hands and
started pacing up and down.

“no babe you have work, don’t worry yourself” his phone rang again and he switched it off
and started packing of which I had to help him on. He left immediately after that promising
to call as soon as he was aware of what was happening. I couldn’t sleep so I prayed instead
yes I didn’t know him personally I didn’t even know his brother had a son but that didn’t
mean I couldn’t pray for him.

It was a bright sunny morning with birds chirping on the trees across the street which
suddenly lightened up my mood, I didn’t want to worry about Monde since his phone had
been off the whole morning. When I arrived at work everyone was jolly well it was
understandable since everyone was getting paid, which meant them spending the night at
the bar drowning their sorrows it was slowly becoming their tradition of which I was
welcomed to join. It was amazing how much of a close knit we all were you would swear we
have been working together for ages although I loved keeping to myself most of the time.

Mr Johnson’s called me to his office while I was busy editing some work in my office we
knew that whenever the boss called you had to leave whatever you were doing and rush to
him which is what I did exactly.

“close the door” I did. He looked at me and smiled

“so Minenhle, you do realise that i did you a favour right” I nodded wondering where this
was going.

“as an adult, I am sure you know that you have to return the favour”
36 | P a g e

“yes, I know which is why I always go an extra mile and make sure my work is always
smooth at all times” he smiled.

“I’m glad you understand” I looked at him expecting to explain further and he dismissed
me. OK that was unexpected. Weird.

should you have asked me what just happened between me and the boss I wouldn’t tell you
because I didn’t know myself. Our boss was a straight talker he didn’t beat around the bush
but what he did there really amazed me to the core. I decided not to read too much into it
instead I texted the bubbly one so much had been going on in my life I felt like I neglected
her. She called me almost immediately talk about someone who always had time on her
hands must be nice huh. I smiled and answered to be honest I missed her overly talkative
self.

“are you OK?” she asked.

“I’m alright babe I miss you that’s all nothing deep”

“aah babes really, you should come by to my place after work I will cook” she sounded
excited, we spoke some more before I dropped the call. I needed someone to talk to I don’t
know but I felt like I could trust her.

I was struggling to get any work done it was just one of those lazy days, it’s a good thing I
wasn’t working the following day. 16H00 was seen by me I was the first one to leave which
took everyone by surprise I told them that a night out will have to miss me I would join
them next time.

I went straight to Rosebank after work, I wasn’t looking foward to spending another hour
alone in my place, I still couldn’t reach Monde and I was getting worried the only thing I
got from him was a lousy message telling me that he got home safe. Simphiwe was already
waiting for me when I arrived.

“Hi, get in Musa went to the shops” err I thought their nephew was sick. I followed her in
and I could tell from the aroma that whatever she had cooked was good. I could do with
some tasty food.
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“how are you?” she asked after I had settled down.

“not bad, how are you? I’ve missed you” she turned to me and smiled.

“listen I’ve missed you too don’t be so scarce one would swear you live on the other side of
the planet” she said taking some greens from the fridge she was finishing off a salad I found
her making.

Musa got in from the shops, you could tell by the way he looked at his girlfriend that he
had nothing but love for her, his eyes sparkled when she spoke but I noticed that he had
this sad smile when he approached me like he was feeling sorry for me.

“you fixed things?” I asked quietly as soon as he was out of the room.

“yes, we are fine, I love him” she said that more to herself than to me

“that man loves you that’s all I can”

“he just can be a lot sometimes”

“show me one couple that hasn’t had any hiccups” she sighed.

“I know I’m just lucky he loves me” I smiled at her

“no he is the lucky one” I helped with dishing out. I saw this as an opportunity to spy on
Monde if he wasn’t prepared to tell me the truth I was going to find out myself.

“sooo” she turned to me and laughed

“out with-it babes”

“I thought Monde’s nephew was sick, he rushed off last night to Durban saying that he is
in a critical condition I’m surprised to see Musa here” she looked at me confused.

“nephew?” ok I shouldn’t have asked now I feel like a fool.

“yes, his brother’s son?”

“which brother?” she asked confused

“their older brother Masande” she raised her eyebrows.

“his son lives in the states I didn’t know they were back”
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“oh” that’s all I could say I felt more like a fool now that I had asked her and I could tell
that she knew something that I didn’t know about. I remembered the look she gave me
when I said I don’t know what I would do should he cheat on me. We all sat around the
dinner table and ate but my mind was no longer there I kept smiling here and there. Musa
offered to take me home after supper.

It’s been a week since Monde lied to me (yes, I was counting) I didn’t ask him anything
when he was still in Durban. He was coming back today and I was planning on working till
late hours, a woman’s gut can never be wrong they say but I refused to believe that I could
be cheated on, there must be an explanation for this it can’t be he loved me too much. He
called later telling me that he was in the CBD asking me if I wanted anything like hell I
did.

I was still buried in my work when the receptionist Thandi buzzed me in telling me that
there was someone there to see me, I knew then that it was Monde he brought me to work
every now and then but never got in so it was understandable that Thandi didn’t know
him. He was soon knocking on my door of which I pretended to be busy when he came in.

“Babe” I looked at him briefly and greeted him.

“wow no hug no nothing for your boyfriend you haven’t seen for a week” he smirked.

It annoyed me that I loved this man so much but I refused to let that blind me.

“I am taking you home, I can’t have you working at this hour” just the Mr Johnson’s got
in “I need that article I emailed you earlier, are you done editing it?” he asked without
acknowledging my visitor.

“yes, I will send it to you just now” I replied, he looked at me for a while then greeted
Monde.

“he wants to get inside your pants” Monde said that as soon as Mr Johnson’s was out, I
laughed.
39 | P a g e

“no, he doesn’t” he raised his eyebrow and kept quiet. I forwarded the article to the boss
then we left. He bought takeaways on the way there was no way I was cooking at that
time.

“are you sure you okay” he asked when I gave him his food.

“let me see….oh besides being lied to I am doing pretty well” I turned taking the tray to
where I was. We spent that night in bed apart no holding each other well it was hot anyway
so I wasn’t bothered.

I was woken up by someone shaking me roughly in the middle of the night only to find that
it was this stupid boyfriend I have.

“what?” he was already up

“let’s talk”

“in the middle of the night, really?” I was annoyed.

“Minenhle you called me a liar” really dude you woke me up for that

“can’t we talk about that in the morning?”

“NO” why is he getting angry I’m the one who was lied to here not him.

I got up and went to wash my face on the en-suite bathroom clearly, I needed to be fully
awake for this.

“okay talk”

“Minenhle I don’t appreciate you insulting me calling me a liar” wow.

“I didn’t call you a liar I said I was lied to clear your ears needs some cleaning” he rubbed
his hands in frustration.

“babe what did I do?”

“you still asking Monde? You said your nephew was sick and I know your brother’s kids
are not even in the country” his eyes popped open and hekept quiet.

“You wanted to talk Monde khuluma ke let’s talk isn’t this what you woke me up for?” I
was now annoyed. He scratched his head he was clearly calming down well I wasn’t.
40 | P a g e

“I have a son” what? Oh no!

“what?” he got up from bed and came to stand right in front me, looking everywhere but
my eyes.

“I have a son” he said searching my eyes if searching for what we have or had I don’t know.
I kept quiet I was really hurt not because he lied but because he thought I wouldn’t accept
his son, what did he take me for.

“please say something” he begged.

“I have nothing to say” he took my hand trying to stop me from leaving I turned.

“you know what hurts me the most Monde” he looked at me broken

“I thought we didn’t keep things from each other, I told you about my son from the word
go but you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me about yours. Do you really think that little
of me Monde” I was pouring my heart here.

“please babe..”

“don’t babe me Monde don’t I can’t even look at you right now you disgust me” I took my
phone as I was leaving our bedroom he said

“I have a wife” I turned to him slowly

“I am married Minenhle” he said quietly.

He was married. I am dreaming I must be dreaming.

Chapter 10

I should have seen yeah, I should have I mean the late-night calls, the fact that he went to
Durban almost every week and I couldn’t reach him unless he called. I should have seen it
but I didn’t. I felt like such a fool. I felt numb, bleak is the right word any normal person
would be throwing fit right now, shouting but here I was still waiting for him to say that
he is lying it’s just some sort of a sick joke.

“you are married?” I asked

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“I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how to it hurts me too Minenhle because I love
you” he was crying. Why is he crying, does this guy honestly think I’m a fool? Nothing
annoys me like a guy who does you wrong and then cry expecting you to be touched and
forgive him.

“Monde I need you to take your things and leave” he just stood there.

“actually, this is your house anyway I will leave” I could feel tears prickling from my eyes
threatening to escape but I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I kept telling myself not to
cry a thousand times. I took my suitcase on top of the wardrobe and put it on the bed then
took all my clothes out he was still stuck there. It annoyed me that I had so many clothes
that couldn’t fit on my suitcase. He after coming to his senses took the clothes I was packing
out of my suitcases which was really getting on the last of my nerves.

“Monde I really don’t have your energy right now”

“don’t leave I will leave please” he said touching my arm I snatched it away.

“don’t touch me don’t fucking touch me Monde” I said with tears streaming down my face.
I sat down on the bed and let it all out. Did loving someone really hurt this much just when
I have opened my heart for once in my life and he does it like this. It was like he tore my
heart out and stabbed it with a steak knife right in front of me. To say I was heartbroken
would be the least this was more than I could handle. He tried to hug me believe me I
wanted to let him hug me but I couldn’t let him. He got the message and told me that he
was going to sleep at his brother’s house he could go back to his wife for all I care.

This whole time his family had been taking me for a fool from the day I was introduced to
them till now, Simphiwe didn’t even think of telling me well who am I kidding I wasn’t
family she had to be loyal to her in laws. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I heard my phone
ringing somewhere in the house but I was tired. I had texted my boss telling him I was sick
although I knew he wouldn’t approve but I couldn’t care less he will have to deal.

Simphiwe wasn’t so bubbly when she came to my house, she looked good as always but
that’s not the reason why I’m writing this book. She found me still in my room under the
covers with clothes all over the floor.
42 | P a g e

“this is so unlike you” she said as soon as she saw the mess but I couldn’t care less what she
thought. She started tidying up my room then went to the kitchen to make me some food
that I wasn’t going to eat she was just wasting her time. Okay makoti slow down. She sat
next to me and told me to actually she bullied me to go take a bath.

“I know I am not your favourite person right now but babes you don’t want Monde to find
you like this and see the effect he has on you” well she was right. I got up and went to take
a bath. After I was done I wore jeans with a grey t-shirt and slippers then joined her in the
sitting room. We were both lost in our own thoughts when I said “why?” she looked at me
confused.

“why didn’t you tell me that Monde is married” she shrugged

“it wasn’t my place Minenhle I wanted to but I couldn’t this is something that he needed
to tell you” she said looking at me.

“you know relationships are made up of two people not more than that and I respect that”
she added. I understood where she was coming from but still you don’t keep something as
big as this one from people you claim to love.

“I thought you liked me, friends don’t keep stuff from each other” she sighed.

“this really put me in an awkward position but for what it’s worth I am really sorry Minnie”
I understood where she was coming from I guess part of me wanted someone to put a blame
on and it wasn’t fair after all she had been nothing but kind to me.

“to be honest with you I think I was just looking for someone to throw my stones at” I
looked down.

“it’s okay I think I would have reacted the same way if I was in your position” she said.

“I can’t believe he played me like that this whole time I thought he loves me” I sighed.

“Men can be so trashy I know” she said taking a spoonful of ice cream, we were having ice
cream while catching up on reality shows.

“I know right I was such a fool how could I not see it, I mean the signs were there I guess
I chose to ignore them”
43 | P a g e

“how could you know you were in love babes but I’ve seen the way he looks at you I think
he is into you” she said

“looks can be deceiving hey”

We were still talking when Monde got in, he was still in the same clothes he wore the
previous day but you could see that he bathed. Simphiwe excused herself as soon as he got
in telling me that she is going to call. Monde was still standing there minutes later not
knowing what to do with himself. Well he can stand there for an entire day while I do my
things.

“shouldn’t you be with your wife?” I asked when he settled himself on the couch.

“Minenhle please don’t” one thing I’ve learnt about Monde over the past months we have
been together is that he honestly doesn’t like to argue. He is one person who apologises once
well we’ve never quarrelled to a point whereby we don’t talk to each other for an entire day
and can’t stand each other.

I dished for him too after I was done with cooking since I couldn’t eat alone and he pays
for most of the things if not all at my apartment anyway. He was still in the same position
when I gave him his food staring on a blank t.v.

“are you sleeping here?” I asked after I was done with tidying up.

“where else would I sleep at Minenhle?” he snapped.

“you have a wife I thought you would be with her because there is no way I am sharing a
bed with you” wow I was so calm I was impressed with myself if he thought just because
he got food from me then he was forgiven well he had another thing coming.

“are you going to bring that up every time we are together?” he asked.

“you are being ridiculous right now Monde, you can’t throw that card on my face right
now. How would you feel if I was the one who hid his husband from you huh? You have a
family Monde why are we wasting each other’s time? This is doomed!” I did not see this
one working out, I was not a home wrecker. His face was buried in his hands this whole
time not saying anything I had to ask as much as I knew the answer to what I was asking.

“do you love her?” he quickly looked at me for a second then looked away.
44 | P a g e

“answer me damnit!” I snapped.

“I love her but I love you too babe” he answered.

“what kind of a fuckery is this?” he must think I’m mad or I am losing myself.

“I want to marry you Minenhle, I want to make you my second wife. You are like a precious
stone that is rare…….”

“shut up Monde! Just shut up okay” I stormed out of the room.

How did I get up here, how did I find myself in this sticky situation? this is not how I
imagined my first real relationship at all. God can’t be punishing me like this I know I don’t
pray often and I hardly ever go to church but this this is just too much for any human
being. I needed my mother, I needed a friend I needed everyone who would care to hear my
cries right now. In all this confusion one thing I knew for sure is that I loved Monde but I
wasn’t prepared to be in a polygamous marriage actually I wasn’t going to be in a
polygamous marriage I knew that for sure. As much as I loved him I had to let him go, I
wondered if his son hadn’t gotten sick I was ever going to find out about his wife. Men are
good liars I can give them that much.

Monde moved out of the apartment as much as he was against this breakup thing but he
had no choice I was tired of loving him and him being next to me I was losing my mind.
It’s a good thing I was going home soon I needed the sanity I hated that this breakup
affected me so much. Experts say love is not supposed to hurt the moment it starts hurting
is if you are in love with the wrong person I guessed that was true because Monde was never
mine from the word go we were never meant for each other. He would call every now and
then but I never picked up his calls. It’s been a week and it gets harder with every passing
minute.

I signed up for a gym it was time I did things I had been putting on hold this whole time,
losing weight had been my priority that I abandoned along the way. I decided to start with
the gym after coming back home because I was leaving in a weeks’ time.

This one day I was at work when I got a call from Simphiwe she was screaming I really
couldn’t make out what she was saying but I could tell that something good happened.
45 | P a g e

“I said yes, I said yes oh my God I am so happy” she ranted on the phone.

“yes, to what babes khuluma I can’t hear you” I asked laughing

“uMusa ungicelile ukuthi ngimshade and I said yes” she said sounding elated.

“about time oh wooow I am so happy for you” I was happy for her she deserved it, she was
a good person you know and she has been waiting.

“you know I waited for this I have been waiting” yeah right.

“you deserve it babes you do so this whole time you thought he was cheating on you kanti
he’s been planning this” it was sweet really or maybe he was cheating you never know with
these men and I really don’t trust men anymore.

“listen babes I am coming to your place after work to plan a party to tell everyone”

“alright see you later”

If there was one person who deserved what was happening in her life was Simphiwe, she
deserved it all she had persevered I would never date someone that long who doesn’t know
what he wants. This made me wonder about my love life and my future in general what it
had in store for me it’s funny how life can just change just like that I mean one minute I
was happy I had a man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and now here I
was miserable and lonely. It is unpredictable but if God really planned my life to be this
hectic then he was not the good guy everyone raved about.

I found Simphiwe already parked outside when I got home thinking about it I needed to
get a license this thing of taking taxis was not fun at all not that I could afford a car but
for future references.

“babes” I said running to hug her she was so glowing even wow I guess being two minutes
of being engaged does that to you. I prepared a quick meal while we chatted, she was busy
telling me about how he proposed.

“so, you know we spent this past weekend in Magaliesburg well I thought it was for bonding
and all you know just spend some quality time together” she said beaming with joy.

“kanti a guy had other plans on his sleeves you know Minenhle he gave it to me so good, I
can still feel it in my knees”
46 | P a g e

“don’t talk about that I am on starvation okay” I chimned in laughing.

“im sorry babes”

“so how did he pop the question?” I asked getting more interested.

“he did it the old school way a waiter brought a ring in a plate a plate was covered in those
silver things they use to cover up plates” she said laughing. Well not so romantic but wow.

“I am really happy for you” I got up to give her a hug again.

“so, about the party” I said dishing out the Italian pasta I had made. We both filled our
glasses with winery as she told me about this intimate party she was having. She was
planning on having it on weekend before everyone went home for Easters if it didn’t stand
in the way of me going home then I didn’t mind at all.

“it’s really over between you and Monde?” she asked while wiping a plate I had just washed.

“it is hey” this saddened me as a result I didn’t like talking about it.

“I should hook you up with my friend” I gave her a stare.

“too soon?” she shrugged

“yeah too soon”

If I said my week was fun I would be lying it was far from that it was sad to be exact, if it
was not Monde calling every now and then it was the boss sending me up and down as if I
was his personal assistant he was what you call “a boss from hell” I tell you.

It was a Friday evening and Simphiwe and I were going shopping thanks to Mall of Africa
for opening 24/7, I remembered the first time I ever set my foot on that mall it was with
the man at that time I thought was the one for me, a man I loved wholeheartedly. Why
does love hurt so much? I shook my head trying to think of something else yeah choosing
an outfit that’s what I was doing before I got interrupted by these thoughts I couldn’t help
but wonder though if the wife is going to be Monde’s date at the party I mean intimate
party meant close friends and family right so she was going to be there. The awkwardness
I wasn’t looking forward to.
47 | P a g e

The theme of the party was all white Miss Party would hear none of it when I suggested
she choose another colour instead of white but hey what miss party wants miss party gets.
I must admit though it looked exquisite now that I was here they had the most stunning
mansion which had a pool outside. You could see people outside taking pictures some
admiring the place that’s one thing about their place you can never get enough of it no
matter how many times you’ve been there.

I felt him before I could see him, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing still
that’s the effect he still had on me. I could feel his eyes gawking at me but I didn’t turn I
didn’t trust myself in case I do something stupid like running over to him to give him a
hug. He stood there for quite some time not saying anything I was in a balcony; the party
was about to start so I wanted to collect myself before the party. I had spent the night over
at their house. He cleared his throat making me aware of his presence I turned slowly oh
boy was he hot I looked at him for a while drinking him all in. when I finally looked at him
in his eyes I found him also staring like he was in deep thoughts.

“Hi” I said awkwardly.

“Hi” he replied searching my eyes. He looked tired I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one
having trouble sleeping. He took one step coming closer to me, closing the gap that was
between us the tension that was in that balcony was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

“don’t” I said when he was about to kiss me.

“I am sorry” he said taking a step back.

“I know, please excuse me” I said going back to my room well the room I slept in and he
followed me I wanted to get ready I already had my makeup on.

“ngifuna ukugqoka Monde” he chuckled.

“well I’ve seen every part of your body even you would need a mirror to see” he smirked.

“mxm whatever”

I took out the dress I was going to wear, it was a figure hugging just below the knee dress I
was going to wear it with heels, hey it wasn’t my party so surely, I wasn’t expected to look
48 | P a g e

like I just stepped out of fashion magazine. Me and lace underwear are best friends nothing
makes a girl feel sexy like a lace sexy underwear just in general. He groaned as I put it on
slowly intentionally.

“and then?” I said turning to him and giving him a full view of my body.

“how am I expected to focus when you look this sexy” I suppressed a smile hey I was
flattered okay.

“aren’t you supposed to be somewhere entertaining your wife” I asked shifting the
attention on me.

“wow you are such a mood spoiler you know I will meet you downstairs” I laughed as he
left. I missed him though. I quickly got ready I don’t want to get there when the event had
started. Luckily, I was right on time. Monde was standing on a table with his brothers I
quickly looked away I didn’t want to be caught staring again. Simphiwe quickly came to
me and ushered me to their table, she looked stunning in her lady suit.

Everyone had gathered around when Musa clicked his glass with a spoon grabbing our
attention Simphiwe was by his side. Monde came and stood right next to me he just couldn’t
keep away.

“you look stunning” he whispered to me.

“not bad yourself, now keep your hands to yourself” I said taking his hands off my waist.

“is my hand affecting you?” I turned to look at him and he was smirking.

“don’t flatter yourself Monde and you are disturbing me I am trying to listen” he kept quiet
but did not take his hand off me.

I never thought Musa was a hopeless romantic, his speech really touched me it’s true when
they say when you find someone you love you should hold onto them for dear life because
true love only comes once in life. I didn’t know they had been through so much in their
marriage from miscarriages to break ups they had survived a lot I wondered if there was
still a possibility of this with Monde this true love thing but who was I fooling here he said
it himself that he was in love with his wife and didn’t see himself divorcing her and I wasn’t
prepared to be the second best. I was such an emotional person why was I crying now I
49 | P a g e

needed to truly get my act together. Monde hugged me now I was going to ruin his crispy
white shirt with my makeup.

“I’m fine” he looked all concerned. Yes, you should be concerned this is all your doing.

“no, you’re not” he gave me a tissue to wipe my face.

“I need a bathroom” he followed he was seriously trying to get on my nerves today.

I fixed my face with him looking at me he was probably wondering why I was crying and
to be honest with you I didn’t know either emotions just got better of me.

“I hate seeing you like this Mini” he said empathetically.

“I hate seeing myself like this too” I shrugged.

“I am sorry if there was any other way of taking all this pain you are feeling right now I
would, I would bear it all for you” yes blame yourself prick.

“well you can’t Monde”

“I will never stop loving you Mini” he said sincerely.

“Love alone is never enough I can’t have you and that’s that you should just leave me alone
and stop making this hard for both of us” I snapped.

“that’s because you are not willing to compromise Minenhle I gave you an option but nooo
you just had to be selfish about it” what?

“oh, so I’m being selfish now for not wanting to share you with anyone for loving that is
selfish in your vocab oh wow you just never cease to amaze me” the nerve.

“I grew up in a polygamous homestead and I don’t see anything wrong with polygamy.
Ungumzulu you should understand this better that I fuckin love you and I want to wife
you”

“whoa hold your horses Mr you know what actually I want to go and enjoy the party OK
please don’t be up in my business annoying me” I snapped and left. Who does this guy
think he is and the nerve of calling me selfish wow this was interesting so he expects me to
accept the fact that he has a wife and dance to his guitar whatever he says goes because I
love him. Monde is one selfish person, he has too much ego he thinks the world revolves
50 | P a g e

around him really. I didn’t even know he grew up in a polygamous marriage but that
doesn’t mean he should shove it down my throat.

I didn’t even get to enjoy the rest of the party but I tried to mingle with Simphiwe’s friends
and family she had such a beautiful family, they were all really welcoming and loving. I
had to spend yet another night at their place because Simphiwe’s fiancée had planned lunch
at sandton for everyone before they departure.

We slept late everyone was out of it, I can sure pull a party maybe I should be called the
mother of all parties lol alcohol was provided for everyone. I was drunk but I remember
Simphiwe saying something about me being her maid of honour now that made me sober
within a minute. All her friends and family were there but she chose me I felt special really,
I knew the girl had a thing for me but I really didn’t know she loved me so much and yes,
I cried again my emotions were really getting better of me. I had just woken up but it still
felt surreal because I never really had friends this flattered me.

Chapter 11

A trip home is always tiring as hell being in a bus for eight hours is no child’s play I was
tired but I found them home already waiting I noticed that ever since I got a better paying
job my aunt loved me more and it must be because she was also getting lot of money from
Monde too for Lihle my son although she thought the money was from me. Being illiterate
is hard. Monde really loved Lihle like his own I remembered when we were still together
whenever he went shopping he would buy clothes for him too come to think of it maybe he
was buying clothes for all his kids I just never noticed thinking about this just made it less
special.

I found Lihle outside playing with my cousins’s kids he dropped everything as soon as he
saw me and ran to me this I had missed. Aunt came out too and smiled when she saw Lihle
and myself.

“you are just in time for breakfast” she said smiling and opening her arms for a hug. The
warmth.

“and I am starving” funny I had eaten on my way.

“come on get in”

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It had always been the three of us, my aunt was unfortunate enough in having kids so I
think that is why she had always taken me as her own, Nokwakha who was also my aunt’s
nice visited every now and then with the kids since my aunt complained about being lonely
a lot I had tried to take Lihle so he can stay with me but she plainly refused of which I
understood because that would mean her being alone.

One thing about Mandeni is that it’s like an armpit of the country there is just nothing
exciting about it. It is a small town; most people would go to Empangeni or Richards Bay
for shopping but since we never really had enough at home I never noticed this. I cherished
the days I spent with my son they were just priceless I always felt like my holidays were
short lived. The week I spent at home was really amazing I was planning on extending my
aunt’s house. I believe as a person one needs to fix home first before impressing the streets,
I wanted people to see me as that child who made sure that her aunt lived a comfortable
life not as a child who went to Joburg and never came back.

“you are lying” I said failing to hide my shocked expression as Sandile was telling me that
he was out of the closet. We were having lunch at Tashas as we had somehow found
ourselves at Gateway. Sandile was originally from Durban Kwa Mashu so he had asked me
to visit him before going back to Joburg like I said we had become close.

“I am telling you well I always knew but I just never acted on it” no ways!

“so the time you were pursuing me?” I questioned struggling to register this on my mind.

He laughed

“I never really wanted to be in a relationship with you I guess I went about it the wrong
way, why do you think I never pursued you into getting intimate with me” I thought he
was a gentleman.

“I should be offended by this” I said smiling

“I wanted friendship with you but you just got it all so wrong” he said

“no Sandile you made me think you were in love with me and besides I didn’t know you
were gay”
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There was something he was saying but my attention had shifted I saw him and his family
he was holding a baby that I suspected was one or two years with two boys who were a bit
older than Lihle. We were inside Tashas and they settled on the chairs outside which gave
me a better view of them. The wife was beautiful like beautiful you know if she wasn’t it
would have made me feel better but no she just had to be petite figure yellow person who
you wouldn’t believe had three kids. You could tell that she was the working type the
independent yet spoilt type you know. She was the type that made the world stand at her
feet and worship her this made my stomach turn.

Sandile snapped his fingers infront of my eyes bringing me back to him.

“did you even hear what I was saying Minz” he said irritated.

“uhm I am sorry”

“you look sour what did you see?”

“come sit next to me” I said patting a space next to where I was sitting

“now you are being weird”

“come on I want to show you something” he shifted his chair and came sat next to me.

I showed him where Monde and his family stayed I hated that I couldn’t find anything
wrong or bad to say about them. They were just perfect but that didn’t make me love the
wife. Isn’t it funny how men cheat on us and we forgive them then hate the other woman.

“so that is my ex with his family” he gasped.

“he has a family?” he asked still in shock

“yep I only found out few weeks back”

“shut the front door” he said with his eyes popped out “so this whole time you were the
side chick” I slapped his shoulder.

“don’t say it like that it sounds so wrong” I said frowning.

“amadoda izinja yezwa” I looked at him “not me though”

“so, he says that he wants me to be his second wife” he gasped

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“this guy just keeps on getting worse every day I hope you showed him where hell is” I
looked away. “Oh no you love him don’t you”

“I do and I hate it. I should be hating him after what he’s put me through you know”

“Love is like that Minz don’t hate yourself for it, it happens to the best of us but I’m not
surprised why he wants to make you his second wife I mean look at skinny maBonez she
can’t be giving it all to him” I laughed I couldn’t believe what he just said.

“dont be like that please”

“but don’t let them ruin our day we are here to have fun and I am taking you shopping
after this” I smiled at him.

“you would have made a better boyfriend you know” he gave me a stare

“mxm”

We spent the day shopping I could see he was trying to cheer me up of which he succeeded
and besides I could never say no to a being spoilt he was paying after all and yeah he had
money loads of it. Imagine if I had fallen for him I would’ve ended up with a miserable gay
guy, love life was really not on my side.

Chapter 12

It was just after six pm everyone had deserted the office I was the only one left in the
building or so I thought. When I felt these footsteps in the corridor I didn’t get worried
because I knew that the security system was very high. I was surprised to see Mr Johnson’s
in the door looking at me.

“Sir” I acknowledged him surprised to see him there because he had gone for a conference
in Durban.

“I need to get my file and rush back to work” he said still standing in the same place making
no movements to leave.

“Okay” I was desperate for him move to his office something about him made me uneasy
but he did the opposite and got in. he came and stood behind me. I was rehearsing on my
head as to how can I tell my boss to move and not sound rude and disrespectful at the same
time.
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“you are such an asset in this company I would hate to lose you” I nodded trying to register
where this was going.

“it’s a pity that I have to let you go because of your lack of experience” I thought my work
was satisfactory what was this man bluffing about.

“but I know ways that can make me convince the management otherwise” if only he could
stop speaking in riddles.

“am I getting fired” I asked. Is this how one gets fired in this corporate, interesting.

“it depends” okay this was getting irritating, I stood up and went a bit further from him.

“so, what are you saying exactly Mr Johnsons?” I enquired trying to hide my irritation.

He came closer to me closing the gap that was between us, he moved his arm and it rested
above my head I was now under the scrutiny of his venomous eyes to say I was terrified
would be putting it lightly. I tried to control my breathing which was becoming uneven
this can’t be happening again. His hand touched my bare arm and I flinched.

“we can do this my way or the high way”

“do what sir”

“oh, please stop acting like an idiot, can’t you see what I want here” he snapped I was taken
back by his tone.

“I don’t understand” he collected himself and then took my arm brushing it lightly I
snatched it away.

“I would like to leave” I said my voice firm making it clear that I wasn’t enjoying this.

“don’t play hard to get Minenhle”

“Please Mr Johnson’s I am tired I want to go home”

“quit the formality and call me David” his voice was now audibled. He chuckled as he saw
the panic on my face.

“it’s just me and you today, even you scream no one will hear so let’s just get this over and
done with”
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My phone was far and I couldn’t get to it fast enough. I couldn’t believe that was about to
happen again.

“please Sir I just want to go home” I didn’t want to fight him I didn’t have energy at all,
this is not how imagined my evening turning out to be. He forcefully tried kissing me and
he was very strong I tried pushing him away it was just like I wasn’t doing anything at all.
He held my hands-on top of my head I couldn’t do anything with them by now I was really
crying trying to beg him to leave me alone but they fell on deaf ears. My top was ripped
exposing myself he was about to touch them when I heard a familiar voice shouting by the
corridor. I screamed even louder and he slapped me trying to shush me and even closed my
mouth. I don’t know where I got the nerve but I kicked him on his balls, took my handbag
and ran out from the office.

Monde was running after me telling me to stop but I couldn’t I kept running, running until
I couldn’t feel my legs I was running out of breath. I was losing myself.

“Minenhle you don’t have a top on!” he shouted. I tripped and fell on the ground it’s a good
thing it was at night otherwise people would have looked at me thinking I am losing my
mind. Tears wouldn’t stop coming out. He picked me up and embraced me this closure felt
familiar but it wasn’t comfortable I didn’t want any guys hands touching me.

“leave me alone Monde, leave me alone okay!” I shouted.

“what did that bastard do to you” I kept quiet as whole scene replayed on my mind. I
should have seen it coming the little comments he made here and there making sure to
remind of the little experience I have. I should have seen it.

“please take me home” I said sniffing.

I was biting my nails and sniffing all the way home Monde decided to keep quiet because I
still wouldn’t talk. I thanked heavens that he got there on time and I didn’t even care what
he wanted at that time.

When we got home he fixed me food but I couldn’t eat so he took me to bed instead and
made sure that I was warm under covers, no matter how warm I was under those covers it
wouldn’t change the fact that I was cold inside, my heart was dripping ice I was nearly
raped the pain that ached inside me was just too much to bear.
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“he nearly raped me” I said.

He was at the door preparing to leave when I said that and he turned quickly like he
couldn’t believe what I just said.

“what?” you could see the pain in his eyes like he couldn’t believe it I don’t know what he
would have done should he have raped me. He came and sat next to me you could see that
he was angry but he was trying to control himself.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. I shrugged I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him but I
felt like I owed him that much since he helped me. He touched my hand and I flinched.

“I’m sorry” he looked hurt.

He left after a while I insisted because he didn’t want to but I needed to be alone I couldn’t
stand his eyes piercing through my skin feeling sorry for me. My eyes slowly closed after a
while taking me to sleep but as I tried to sleep I kept getting flashbacks, the flashback of
that night I conceived Lihle. He was rough he kicked and slapped me, he forced himself on
me groaning as he planted all his seeds on me. I could see it clearly but I couldn’t see the
face, the colour of his shoes was still clear they were brown. It came as a flashback but the
pain was clear as a stream water.

The days that followed were hard I didn’t talk to anyone they all came and left, my house
was locked and my phone was off. I spent my days crying I hardly ate I couldn’t even look
at myself in the mirror I looked horrible. I had lost weight I had bags under my eyes, my
hair wasn’t tidy. I had a habit of cutting myself it felt good because at least I had a pain to
focus on that was physical instead of this emotional one I had that just wouldn’t go away.

It was a Sunday evening I had just finished bathing when I heard a knock on my door I
thought people had given up one me but clearly, I was wrong because they just wouldn’t
go away. I opened to find Sandile standing there, he looked at me with a frown on his face.

“get in” I tried to sound cheerful but instead I managed an utter.

“oh Minz” he said hugging me

“you look like you are about to cry” I joked.

“Minenhle look at you, you lost weight” I rolled my eyes.

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“don’t roll your eyes at me I don’t like you like this I really don’t”

He said going to the kitchen and I knew that he was going to make me food.

“I’m not hungry I just ate”

“then you will eat again” he said giving me that this is not up for negotiation look.

He cooked while I watched him I didn’t even know why he bothered.

“tell me what happened?” he said as he gave me my plate.

I sighed.

“you know you can talk to me about anything right” He said sincerely.

“I don’t know what happened Sandile I guess I made him believe that I wanted to sleep
with him……………….” I told him the whole thing how it all unfolded.

“the nerve of that bastard he even says that you seduced him”

“what?” this was news to me.

“yeah, I went to your workplace the other day looking for you and I was told you were
fired word has it that you seduced the boss and when he rejected you, you lost it and said
you were going to lay charges of rape against him” I couldn’t believe my ears.

“what does this man want from me?” how am I going to face the world after this.

“I didn’t believe them of course which is why I came here I wanted the truth” wow. I didn’t
want to cry not over this.

“listen Minenhle I want you to know that it’s not your fault it never was your fault don’t
blame yourself over this okay, he is a jerk no actually he is a pervert that’s what he is.
When I am done with him he will regret the day he ever laid his eyes on you”

“you don’t have to fight my battles”

“yes, I don’t have to but I want to it’s about time someone teach him a lesson about taking
advantage of defenceless women” I just looked at him I really had no words. Speechless is
the right word. Sandile tried to make me feel better but I was still in my zone but I
appreciated him being there and I made sure he knows.
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After he had left I took my p.c and I googled committing suicide and it did not give me what
I want it just told me about people who were depressed and I wasn’t depressed I just wanted
to kill myself. I typed again making suicide look like an accident and still google didn’t give
me answers I wanted so I tried one last time and typed safest way of killing yourself yes, I
wanted to kill myself but I didn’t want to feel pain I wanted something quick and clean.

I couldn’t believe I had been on internet for such a long time I got up closed the curtains
then switched on the lights before going back to google again. I was now reading the stories
people had posted on google they were quite interesting, some were speaking about the
journey to recovery as much as it didn’t give me what I wanted but it surely opened my
eyes.

What do you do when it hurt so much that you don’t feel like God is on your side, I have
questioned God. There were days where I would go down on one knee and pray but no
words would come out of my mouth and I would just cry pouring my heart out. There were
days where I would beg God to take me I mean that is selfless than committing suicide
right. What do you do when you feel like not waking up ever again, the first thought that
comes to mind is committing suicide but you end up feeling guilty. One thing about suicide
is that it may stop the pain you are feeling but it gets transferred to your loved ones, they
are left asking themselves questions. People who commits suicide are cowards and I didn’t
want to be remembered as a coward. That girl who killed herself.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning I decided to wake up and do some spring cleaning at
my place yes, I didn’t have a job but I certainly had hope. Well it wasn’t really a spring
cleaning because I wasn’t moving any cupboards and stuff but I was cleaning.

I was moping the floor when I heard Monde saying, “you sound happy” I smiled within I
felt rejuvenated in a way, it had been a month since the saga and things were not going well
for me but I had hope. Hope is a strong thing if you ask me it can carry you anywhere you
want to be.

“Hi” I looked at him and he looked good in his denim shorts, a vest and some flip flops I
had noticed that he loved white shirts. Monde is one of those dark guys with small eyes
kinda of guys the ones that would have no trouble getting any girl he wants not to mention
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that he was insanely rich and had a body for days. It was still flattery that he wanted me
well and his wife.

“Hi, yourself” he smiled. I didn’t notice I was staring until he cleared his throat.

“like what you see” I looked away embarrassed to be caught staring.

“how can I help you?” he smiled

“You know Minenhle you can hide it all you want but I can see that you love me and to me
you are still my girlfriend I don’t know about this breakup you’ve been talking about”
mind you it had been three months since we broke up.

He took the mop and insisted on helping me.

“do you even know how to mop the floor Monde” I asked laughing, he looked at me for a
while.

“it’s good to see you smiling baby by the way I was once a bachelor you know so I am very
domesticated”

“oh, so you say”

He finished mopping and did everything while I watched but you could see that he was
enjoying it. Monde really came through for me he had been there for me other guy would
have ran for the hills.

“you know you have to deal with what happened to you” I raised my eyebrows trying to
make sense of what he was saying. He put his bowl down and looked at me

“you didn’t deal with your rape Minenhle you just buried it somewhere at the back of your
mind and now that it nearly happened again it is all coming back again” why was this talk
making me emotional and I never saw it like this.

“I know Monde but me dealing with it means opening old wounds and I don’t want to go
back there” he sighed.

“believe it or not you have. Remember how you locked yourself in this room after the saga
shutting everyone, starving yourself it’s been a month and you are far from getting better”
I hate it when someone is analysing me.
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“so me dealing with it does that mean me going for a counselling” he looked at me for a
while and nodded.

I have watched movies and I have seen people going for counselling. You get an old looking
white lady with spectacles on who listens to you talk every day and then you pay them.
How does that help? I didn’t see it working and I’ve always seen people who go for
counselling as people who had bigger problems like depression and mine wasn’t big I was
going to be fine after some time.

Monde and I spoke for hours with him trying to convince me to go for counselling I ended
up agreeing to it just for the sake of it because he wasn’t letting it go. I wasn’t going for
counselling period.

Time flies I couldn’t believe that it was months after the saga happened, I heard that Mr
Johnsons publishing house was on its way to bankruptcy. I later learnt that he liked
preying on young inexperienced girls like me I was lucky for me it never got that far. Most
of them were afraid to speak out as they didn’t have proof and they were scared since he
threatened them. This is what he did to these girls, he would employ them especially those
who came from disadvantaged backgrounds, take advantage of them then make them quit
after that he would take care of them financially so that he can have some hold over them.
Men are sick and twisted out here. I got all this information from Sandile and I don’t know
how he got hold of it. I know I had questioned God before but I was thankful to him that
he didn’t get to rape me and that he didn’t have some hold over me. As much as I wanted
to him to pay for his sins I knew how justice of this country works. My rape case I reported
years ago I don’t know what happened to it their famous line is “sisaphenya”.

Chapter 13

I loved bacon but lately it had been giving me some weird vibes I was convinced that the
one I bought was off so I threw it on the bin and bought another one but it was the same
story I threw up. I paid no mind to that because I had to meet with Simphiwe to discuss a
way forward about her wedding it was in September she wanted a spring wedding.

I met her outside Olives she was already having winery lol this girl, I joined her and soon
we were both on our 3rd glass.
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“babes if I knew that a month and weeks ago we would be here laughing our asses off I
wouldn’t have worried that much” she said smiling “you had us all worried” she sighed.

“I know hey I am getting better, Monde said I should do counselling and I am not that
keen on it”

“I hear it helps though, my cousin did counselling after her divorce and it did wonders on
her. If you want to move on you should do it”

“yeah neh”

“one thing I have heard about rape is that it’s like a prison, it’s shattering, leaving you
feeling scared, alone with flashbacks and unpleasant memories” she said and this was true.

“I keep having flashbacks you know every now and then, I didn’t know it was normal” I
had told her about how Lihle was conceived.

“deal with it babes and free your mind”

As time went on we discussed the lengthy details of her wedding she was so excited about
it, the theme was baby pink and white.

“I need to hire a wedding planner” yes please.

“are we doing the wedding here or?”

“no, I love Durban so I think Zimbali is the best place” I will have to remember to google
it.

After that meeting, I went home and on my way home I decided to get a pregnancy test I
know I had been celibate for four or five months but I felt like i was pregnant. I went to
clicks bought it with some cosmetics.

When I got home I did all the necessities and it came back negative well I guess I got
worried for nothing.

It was the day I was going for counselling my people had managed to convince me to go,
Sandile even offered to drive me there. He was sent from above really.

“sooo” I eyed him and laughed.

“Just out with it” I was getting ready at my place.

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“you and Monde” he said

“what about us?” I asked innocently.

“out with it already, what’s happening between you two”

“nothing” I said laughing.

“come on” he rolled his eyes.

“no I am serious he is just that ex that is always there”

“don’t patronise me wena Minz ngiyabona nje ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi and you
are glowing lately it must be his D game” I glared at him “it’s too good neh”

“I don’t know what you are talking about” well I was also not convincing and Simphiwe
said the same the same thing about me and Monde. They were both convinced that we were
back together.

I was surprised to find a young black handsome gentleman waiting for me when I arrived,
the setting was just calming well as expected I was told to sit on a couch opposite him so
he could analyse me I rolled my eyes internally at this.

First day

We spoke about me mostly where I come from, my dreams and goals (long term and short
term). My background where I grew and how it was like growing up. honestly, I didn’t
understand how that linked with what I was there for. I was sure this guy didn’t know
what he was doing I mean judging by his age well his appearance also I mean what
experience did he have. As I left I was convinced that this wasn’t going to help at all.

Second day

Growing up without a mother, how has it affected me and not having a father figure in my
life. I answered as honestly as I could but I didn’t understand why he was asking this about
me to me it seemed like this person was just prying into my life, wanting to know every
detail of my life. He even asked me how it’s like living in KZN compared to Gauteng. I
mean was that necessary. At least I wasn’t the one paying for these sessions otherwise if I
was the one paying I would have used the door and never turn back ever again.
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Third day

Reframe what happened. This is what we were talking about on this day.

Firstly, he asked me about that day as to what was happening.

“it was a Friday and I had been invited to my friend’s party, we were all hyped about the
party especially me because I was one of those kids that were never allowed out of the house
so I was looking forward to it” I told him the whole story leading to the night I was raped.

“there is stigma attached to being raped, you may be ashamed. It might make you feel
dirty and weak. Also, fear what others will say of being judged. Because you have
acknowledged it that is good it’s a great step. When you stay silent you deny yourself help
I know you have denied yourself help for a while and reinforced victimhood” he said. Okay
I didn’t see it that way, we were going somewhere. We spoke about a lot 2 hours went by
fast.

Fourth Day

Reach out to someone you trust and challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation.

Its normal to be in denial that gives you a sense that it didn’t happen but you can’t heal
avoiding the truth and hiding it only adds to the feeling of shame, it doesn’t make it better
it only makes it worse. Your best someone to talk to is someone you trust someone who will
be there for you and not judge you. Someone supportive, empathetic and calm.

Challenging your sense of hopelessness, trauma leaves you feeling you powerless and
vulnerable. What is most important is reminding yourself that you have strength and
coping skills. Your coping skills can you help you, you can either help an orphanage or do
whatever that will leave you feeling better. He even said

“You may also want to consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse
survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide
invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery” okay
thank you for the information but I won’t be joining any support group.

Fifth day
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We were talking about assigning responsibility to where it belongs, the rapist. Intellectually
you may understand that it’s not your fault but you may still struggle with feelings of guilt
and shame. The I should have’s and I shouldn’t haves. I should have worn something
longer, I shouldn’t have taken that route or I should have just stayed at home and not gone
to the party. He told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed as I did not bring the assault to
myself.

“if you are feeling ashamed because you did not stop the assault from happening, well you
need to know that when you are in a shock your body reacts differently both your body
and brain are in shock. You can’t think properly. How did you feel when it happened?”

“I felt frozen like my feet were glued to the ground and I couldn’t move” I said recalling
what happened.

“you shouldn’t judge yourself this is a normal reaction, if you could have stopped the
assault you would have”

“you were in a party, right?” I nodded

“I assume you might have been slightly drunk or dressed in a certain way” I looked at him
suspiciously wondering where he was going with this.

“you shouldn’t be blamed because of your dress code, one person who deserves to be blamed
or someone responsible rather as a perpetrator”

It was a weekend and we were all invited at Simphiwe’s place to talk about the wedding
awu cha naye ubesesibiza kakhulu bandla, if she was going to continue with this pace she
was going to be a bridezilla.

“guys I want to discuss the dresses with you” she said when we were all outside drawing
sketches outside and checking out the venues. I had forgotten to check out Zimbali during
the week some maid of honour I am.

“I want a figure hugging dress” said one of the bridesmaids Mbali

“How are you going to dance in a figure hugging dress” she snapped.
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“Okay Simphiwe why did you call the bridesmaids if you don’t want their opinions these
dresses will be worn by them I feel like you should just hear what they have to say” I didn’t
realise she was such a bully but she agreed and looked at the sketches they had for their
dresses and as stubborn as she was we convinced her otherwise.

Monde arrived later with his brother that meant the end of our meeting and I couldn’t be
happier we had been brainstorming I didn’t understand what the wedding planner was
going to do if we were doing all the work. I was dog tired I needed a hot bubble bath and
my beauty sleep.

“I am taking you home” Monde announced after we had supper he just had to shout
Simphiwe eyed me I smiled and shrugged because I knew what she was thinking. I got up
and said my goodbyes to everyone. He held my hand when we were going out.

“I think you are pregnant” he said out of the blue.

“what?”

“I had my suspicions before but after today I was convinced”

“huh”

“you ate a lot”

“maybe I was just hungry”

“no not like that and you love your green salad but I noticed that you skipped it also”

“okay well I have had my suspicions but a test came back negative so I am sorry to burst
your happy bubble”

“I am sure you are, you have even gained weight. We will get two clear blues tests”

“why are you getting excited” he smiled

“because I know I am right”

We got in and stayed in the couch you know since we were both no sleepy, he suggested we
rent a movie I wasn’t big on movies so I let him choose.

“you know I will never stop loving you” he has said this a million times but the way he said
it this time around was amazing and it was surprising that I hadn’t stopped too.
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“you know I still love you too Monde and thank you, you know for being there for me all
the time even when we were not together you came through for me. I will never forget that
and I have never ever had someone do something like that for me” I was getting emotion
why not now tears please.

“I have realised this now I love you Monde okay” let’s just push the issue of him being
married under the carpet.

I was woken up by Monde putting me in bed we had fallen asleep on the couch I was on top
of him wow the poor guy must have some dislocated ribs somewhere it’s not easy having to
carry my big body all night literally.

“I can’t sleep now” I said after a while.

“Me too” he said turning to face me.

“what are you thinking about?”

“about the baby”

“what baby now” he can’t honestly be thinking about his kids while he is on bed with me
well I know it’s inevitable but no its just wrong.

“our baby, come on baby” he said bringing me closer to him.

“so, you are certain that you scored” I asked

“yes baby I mean my D game is too strong” I laughed as I snuggled closer to him.

“oh yeah, well it could be that the baby is not yours hey” he shifted uncomfortable

“don’t tell me you moved on after me”

“the starvation was too much I couldn’t have stayed and waited for you” he immediately
stirred and sat down.

“you could have called me for that” he was serious.

“aw baby no I am joking” I laughed.

“really? You didn’t see anyone after me?” he said as he cupped my face.

“some of us are faithful” he looked straight into my eyes

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“you waited?” he asked as if he couldn’t believe it. I nodded.

“I fucking love you okay”

“no need to swear I get it” I said laughing.

“no, I am serious, I hope you know how much I love you”

He said as he kissed me, his cold lips felt so good colliding with mine his kisses were soft yet
they held so much on them like he was letting me know that he owns me and I am not
allowed to have anyone but him.

Sixth day

Prepare for flashbacks and unsettling memories. Its normal for our bodies to be on a fight
or flight mode whenever we go through something stressful and when the threat has passed
our body calms down. But something as traumatic as rape get stuck on your mind.
Flashbacks are normal for rape survivors for some people it takes years to get over it
especially if there are things that triggers it.

When flashbacks you need to tell yourself that it’s not real assure yourself that it’s not
reality, what is most important is that the traumatic experience is over.

In all honesty, me and my counsellor spoke about a lot of things with regards to rape I got
to know that what I was going through was normal what I needed to do was accept that it
happened and not be ashamed of it. I had a task of telling my aunt that I was raped. I was
almost certain that it wasn’t going to be easy.

When I got home I found Monde cooking, okay I could get used to this. The first thing he
said when I got was “I bought two pregnancy test kits baby” Lord I wasn’t hearing any
end of this. I took and went to pee.

“are you going to watch me pee?”

“yeah”

I peed then we waited, I gave him both the tests without looking at them. He looked at
them and shook his head.

“this is weird”
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“the other one says four months” what?

“and the other one came back negative” he added. This was even more confusing.

“weird indeed”

“we need to go see the doctor”

I was thinking about it and it hit me, something could be wrong with me and how could I
be four months on another one and negative on the other. That is just insanity.

“Monde, what if there is something really wrong with me?”

“baby calm down okay, we will know for sure when we go see the doctor”

“hey, don’t cry” he said holding both my hands and putting me on his chest.

“there are things you have no control over Monde” I wasn’t strong enough to deal with any
pain.

Chapter 14

Life was good, I was done with my counselling sessions I was glowing it turned out there
was nothing wrong with me and now I was happily pregnant. I was spoilt, I had everything
any woman could ever need on their pregnancy. Mr Johnson’s got fired and I got my job
back and I insisted on taking a six months course to familiarise myself with everything
against Mondes wishes. If it was up to him I would be home all day everyday eating and
getting even fatter.

Today was the big day Simphiwe was finally getting married and we were all happy, at
least I would get some time to enjoy my pregnancy. Simphiwe wanted a perfect wedding
and we all gave her a perfect wedding, it wasn’t easy but with God we managed.

I was pushing my big belly making sure that everything was fine while people slowly filled
the venue. Everything was all pretty baby pink and white was gorgeous, Amanda the
wedding planner told me to go and get ready too as she had everything under control.

I found Simphiwe doing her makeup, she was on her phone and as I thought she was texting
Musa. I took the phone from her and sat next to her.
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“heey I was still texting” she said frowning.

“you are going to see him just now chill, are you ready?”

“I was born ready you know” she smiled.

“nerves” she shook her head.

“oh good then, you know after this there is no turning back”

“yes, I love him so much”

I hugged her

“I can’t believe you are getting hitched, now I will be the only one who is not married oh
I’m going to cry”

“your time is coming babes don’t rush it okay”

My date was Sandile because uhm Monde had his wife as his date I won’t lie or even pretend
like I wasn’t sad but I guess that’s what you get for dating a married man and he had made
it clear to me several times that he wasn’t divorcing his wife. This is the time I wished the
earth would just open and swallow me I mean people always talk I will be painted as the
bad guy here that mistress who is pregnant trying to tame the guy with a baby and also
trying to break the happy couple. Oh dear.

Sandile was already seated since I had to make sure that the bride was all happy and ready.
I was wearing a baby pink cocktail dress which had touch of white lace and high heeled
wedges my feet were forever swollen so it was only safe I wore a wedge. I had styled my
natural afro and I looked cute gaining weight everyday didn’t help.

As soon as I was seated my eyes roamed around and I saw them they were at the front
Monde was removing something on her eye and you could see the love from the distance I
didn’t know why I was doing this to myself but the heart wants what it wants. Besides
Monde was treating me good it didn’t even feel like I was his second best I guess that make
it better and explains why I was still holding on. Their second born was the page boy, I
have to give it to him Monde made beautiful babies. Sandile held my hand and brushed it.
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Just then the bride walked and we all stood up as the piano started playing, oh what a
stunning bride. Musa looked at her like we all don’t exist at all you could see the love he
had for her.

The wedding was beautiful, we danced, we took pictures and ate. Monde and his wife were
forgotten for a moment. I must say I enjoyed myself and everyone else. My favourite part
of the wedding were the speeches they spoke so fondly of each other which made me believe
that there was hope for me and Monde too. Sandile was the best date ever if he wasn’t
making nasty comments about everyone’s dress code he was making jokes about everything
happening. I didn’t know weddings were so much fun.

We were about to leave when I felt the urgent need to go pee, luckily toilets weren’t so far
from where I was so I rushed there. I had just finished what I was doing and washing my
hands when she also came out of the loo. I tried my best not to look at her with an evil eye
to me she was living my life Im the one who was supposed to be living in a mansion raising
Monde’s kids, I’m the one who should have been on his side today not her and I am the one
he should have wifed from the first place not her so yes I hated her and I envied her life.

“finally, we meet” okay continue with your business Minenhle she is not talking oh wait
there is only two of us here so she is talking to me.

“it must be nice fucking someone’s husband huh, you even got pregnant for him?” hoosaaa
keep calm Minenhle. I kept quiet still. She got closer no she is not about to hit me now is
she.

“listen young lady I know you cannot abort the baby now but after you give birth you are
going to give me this baby and I will raise him as mine and we will pretend like you never
came into our lives” I laughed.

“oh, it is now?”

“don’t let these good looks fool you I can make your life a living hell bitchikazi” oh she is
Xhosa.

“do you feel intimated by me honey”

She fake smiled.

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“why would I be intimated by a fatty like you”

“but honey he loves these big thighs and that’s all that matters”

She laughed a bit.

“clearly you don’t know me, wake up honey smell the coffee he doesn’t love the only reason
why he wants to marry is because you are having his baby”

“keep telling yourself that and watch your man slip from your slippery hands” with that
said I left.

My heart was beating fast, what did just happen. This is not how I imagined the ending of
this day.

“you sure took your time” said Sandile when I got in the car.

“I think I just got attacked”

“who? Where?” he said panicking.

“well not literally at least but it happened”

“okay what happened?” he said starting the car.

“Monde’s wife found me in the loo”

“no ways!”

“yes ways. And guess what she said. Uthi nje I should give my baby up and let her rise the
baby as hers so I can break up with Monde.”

“woah wait what? Is this bitch crazy? Who in their right minds would do that?”

“a crazy girl like her. I felt so attacked kodwa nami angimuyekanga bandla”

“you sure did not, I wish I was there”

“she is Xhosa now I don’t know what Monde loves so much about her I mean she is
beautiful and all but no”

“well you did take her man”

“hawu ngiyazi” I said rolling my eyes.

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“you know what they say about Xhosa women”

“what?”

“bazifaka zitshone” he said imitating how Xhosa’s speak.

He ended up spending the night over at my place because we were both dog tired, Monde
didn’t call or text. Mxm.

Simphiwe and Musa had left for their honeymoon soon after their wedding so for all of us
it was back to our boring lives. Sandile made sure we have the best time of our lives in
Durban before we left. Durban had such a great vibe I wouldn’t mind settling down there
well except for the humidity otherwise it was perfect.

We were booked at Hilton Hotel since we were gonna be there for a week or so, Monde
called me after hours as he “didn’t want to upset his wife”, this one sunny morning we were
having breakfast at vigour and verve when Sandile asked me.

“but my friend do you think he is worth it though?” I knew exactly who he was talking
about.

“I love him Sandile I know it might seem like I am out of my mind but he is one man who
has ever shown me love and loved me for who I am”

“yes I get that but this sharing thing, are you up for it?” I sighed.

“not really but if that’s what it takes for me to have him as my own then I am more than
willing to share” he looked at me like he was feeling sorry for me.

“oh friend” he took my hand and brushed “don’t lose your morals and what you believe in
because of him I hope your love for each other will keep you up because right now what I
see is not happiness at all. You are miserable my friend” I looked at him and kept quiet
because what he was saying was true.

“this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life carrying the child for the man you love
but no, he even missed your first appointment with the doctor. Money alone is not enough
he needs to be there every step of the way.”

“I don’t know what to do Sandile”

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“communication is the best tool in any relationship, you let him get away with too much
Minz. You need to let him know that just because you have accepted his relationship it
doesn’t mean he has to flaunt it on your face, you need that stability and the comfort too”

“it’s so hard” I said getting emotional. Okay I shouldn’t be getting emotional right now
not in front of all these people. I blinked the tears away.

After breakfast, we went to take a walk by the ocean before packing we were leaving later
that day. It was so calming most people take walks during late hours of the day or early in
the morning but not us. Here is one thing about Sandile looking at him from far you can’t
really tell that he is gay so most people were looking at us adoringly thinking that we were
a couple. One old white lady even said, “oh you going to have such a beautiful baby”, it
didn’t help that he was holding my hand. Should you have asked me a year ago if me and
Sandile would be friends I would have told you proudly that we would never. But fate.

Chapter 16

It was a chilly Monday morning when Monde barged in my place looking furious and I
wondered what could have been wrong and I was sure that the problem wasn’t me but I
couldn’t have been more wrong. Mind you I hadn’t seen this person for a week.

“what is wrong with you?” I looked at him blankly.

“why did you attack my wife emshadweni Minenhle?”

“what?”

“don’t give me that she says you slapped her” oh wow this was news to me.

“and you ran up here to do what exactly?”

“just answer the damn question Minenhle”

“or what?” the way he looked at me scared me a bit.

“I did not attack her”

“what was so hard in that”

“mxm”

I said walking away and he grabbed my arm.

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“we are not done here”

“I am done, this is what is going to happen in this relationship when we get married you
coming at me like that everytime she lies”

“when we get married” he said smiling

“I am not saying we will get married wena and besides I am getting late”

“I am taking you to work”

The fight we had earlier was forgotten when we got to work, he had been busy brushing my
belly all the way from home.

“I want to wife you”

“oh, please you can’t even handle your wife what is it going to be like when you add another
one on the equation” he chuckled.

“I should be offended by that”

“but I am serious babe” he added.

I just laughed then gave him a soft peck as I got off at work.

Nothing was interesting maybe it was about time I took that early maternity leave offer
because I wasn’t productive at all. Thandi our receptionist got in with my lunch she was
extra nice I guess she was still trying to apologise for the way they all treated me after that
saga.

I called my aunt while waiting for Monde to come and pick me up I was going to buy a car
after I had finished building the house for my aunt because I really needed it. When Monde
was in KZN I used taxis imagine a lady of my calibre using taxis lol. Aunt picked up almost
immediately she worshipped me these days since I was building that house she had been
going on about for years. When I was younger she would say I am saving all this money for
you my child so that you can go to school, get a job and build me the most beautiful house. Sadly,
I didn’t finish school but did that stop me from getting her that house NO.

“Minenhle ngane yami yazi I can see the neighbours envy me phela none of their children
has ever done such for them” I laughed because I knew what was following was the hot
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gossip of the neighbours my aunt knew everyone’s business. After she had assured me that
everything was going according to plan I dropped the call. I was still postponing the rape
issue I had planned to tell her when I go home.

Monde finally arrived and after some time, I decided not to fight with him and just let him
be. When we got home he told me to take a bath and wear the dress and shoes he had
bought for me. Okay this was confusing, Monde hardly ever buys me clothes he gives me
money rather. So, I took a bath, he was all smiles nje I knew we were going out but does he
really have to be so excited about it. It was a gorgeous red little number that didn’t hung
loosely on my shoulder down to my thighs it made me feel sexy.

“so, what’s happening Mr”

“I am taking you out”

“I can see that but why are you so excited about it”

He just smiled and ushered me out and the time now was around 10 ish I wondered which
restaurant would accommodate us at this hour but seemingly he had everything under
control. We drove outside Joburg towards the outskirts and took another turn I wasn’t
familiar with.

We arrived at this restaurant which had a view to die for it overlooked the lake and had
lintels that made the whole thing spectacular. We ordered and ate over a chilled
conversation with him assuring me how much he loves me and all that I didn’t want to
bring up what we spoke about earlier with Sandile and spoil the moment. the time was now
00:00 and the waiter brought a slice of cake from with one lit candle on it.

“why aren’t you having one” I asked after the waiter had left.

“it’s yours baby. Happy Birthday” He then sang for me softly.

Oh what? Of course, its 12 October my birthday how could I have missed it.

“you sneaky how did you know my birthday, oh God thank you baby. I love you”

“I love you my love this is just the beginning”

“this so sweet you are so sneaky how did you even plan this?”
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“well that is my secret ungaze untshontshe ama ideas wami”

After dinner, we went home and I have to say he gave it to me on all angles, well with
pregnancy I was forever horny. Birthday or no birthday I must go to work. Monde ran me
a hot bubble bath and I got breakfast in bed. I should get more birthdays in a year but a
gift would have been nice instead of ukuqwasha ubusuku bonke not that I was complaining
it was a sweet gesture.

I was surprised to find the reception empty the security told me to go to the conference
room and as I got in everyone screamed SURPRISE! These are very awkward you never
know how to respond to them. They had balloons and a big ass cake everyone had a gift
bag on their hand. You never know how much people love you until it’s your birthday I
really didn’t expect the love I was getting this year. I had always spent my birthdays alone
in my room feeling sorry for myself but today was different.

After we all enjoyed the cake, them exchanging gifts I was given a day off oh dear this
treatment I could get used to it. When I got home, Monde wasn’t in so I guessed he was
running his errands. Sandile called he was taking me out as expected so I mean I could
never turn down an offer to free food and some good company. I changed what I was
wearing into a long dress that was really comfortable it wasn’t my style but pregnancy was
really not working on my favour.

I found him already seated outside the Roccomammas he knew how much I loved their hot
wings and freaky shakes but I was really eating unhealthy with this rate by the time I give
birth I would be huge. This child was forever hungry so don’t blame me blame the child.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you” he sang all the
way as I approached him, he even had balloons. Trust him to cause a scene. I sat down
quickly then looked around trying to see if anyone was looking my way.

“wow you sure can cause a scene”

“Heeey Birthday girl” he shouted and I ended up laughing with him.

“you are so annoying”

“I love you” he pouted.

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“Okay fine I love you too, did you order for me?”

“yes babe yes, we would drink the night away if you were not so pregnant” I laughed.

“not that I drink but it would have been nice I guess”

“it’s about time we wash this rustiness yasemafama from you”

“you like offending me don’t you”

I was joking actually because I drink winery like its water but I am not an alcoholic I just
drink wine a lot. Our food arrived and we indulged while we spoke about what Monde did
for me and of course he criticised it I was almost convinced that he didn’t like him.

“why don’t you like him Sandile, tell me” I pointed at him with a finger.

“there is something shady about it yes I can see he loves you but I can’t shake the
uneasiness I feel around him”

“but as long as you are happy my friend”

“Thank you”

We gossiped as we ordered another meal it helps having a foodie as a friend. We were still
talking and laughing called telling me to come home as he had another surprise for me. I
could hear the excitement on his voice as he spoke I got excited too.

“okay we need to go home Monde has a surprise for me”

“really?”

“yeah let’s go I am so excited”

“does that include some smooching because I am not coming” I rolled my eyes as we got
up to leave.

“what do you think he got for me” he thought for a moment.

“you know how extra your man can be maybe he bought you a house”

“okay let’s calm down for a moment he wouldn’t go that far”

“I am just saying” he shrugged.

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I was surprised to find Simphiwe, Musa and the big brother with his wife there, for a
moment I thought Monde’s wife would pop somewhere and be like “Hey!”. They all sang
when I got in oh dear I had enough singing for a day but I smiled as I greeted everyone.
“you are glowing babes, honeymoon stage?”

“yes honey, I will tell you all about it. Happy birthday”

They all had gift bags with them, the big brother’s wife didn’t like me as much she just
tolerated me since her husband was fond of me. I noticed that their big brother was more
like a father to them they treated him with respect. He was the discipline of the house I
guess he took over the role when their parents passed on, I was just glad I didn’t have to
deal with a mother in law. The big brother had that “I demand respect” aura going about
him, he didn’t even have to say it out loud. So when I got to him I didn’t know whether I
should hug him or give him a handshake, he saved me from that internal conflict by shaking
my hand.

“let’s pop champagne on your behalf Miss Party” that must be Musa, he has a bit mouth
this one. I laughed as they all enjoyed their champagne on my behalf while I was having
mango juice. I missed my winery. After all the eating and catching up on each other’s life
I feel like that’s what house parties are for especially for ladies if not gossiping they are
always updating each other on what has been happening. Monde clicked his glass and we
all gathered around, that was just dramatic I mean there was only a six of us in this party.
But what kind of a party is that with six people only.

“your attention please” he said motioning to us and we listened.

“I’d like to wish my lover a happy birthday, I love you baby a lot you know I am not a
man of many words but I really love you” this would have been much nicer if I didn’t know
that he has a wife, I caught Sandile rolling his eyes while sipping on his champagne.

“so my love here is my little appreciation for loving me with my flaws and for carrying my
blessing” woah wait are those car keys.

“I love you” I said kissing him “you bought yourself a car?”

“no, it’s yours baby, come outside”

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Yes, he did, he bought me a car. I remember telling him that I love big cars and he didn’t
even reply to that. Everyone rushed outside when they heard me screaming but you could
tell that they all knew about this car. it was a bmw 1series. If this doesn’t prove how much
this man loves me I don’t know what does. I kept kissing him all over his face while
checking out the car, saying I was ecstatic would be putting it lightly I was over the moon.
I was loved and taken care of.

“you didn’t have to”

“of course, I did I will not have no wife of mine riding a taxi to work” I laughed it was
about time I got a new classy job I mean I couldn’t be driving a bmw 1series while still
earning peanuts it’s just wrong.

“I cannot wait for these people to leave so I can thank you properly” I whispered to him
while biting his earlobe softly.

“yourl can go the party is over” they all laughed as they went about with their drinking
business. This day was proving to be a lot better that I thought it would be and I had my
man to thank for that. When they talk about love they talk about something like this I am
very sure of that.

My body was aching when I woke up the following day, Monde was still in deep sleep next
to me. we were both tired, I don’t even know how we got into bed but I remember that we
started making out at our kitchen, to the couch then to our bedroom. Now as I woke up it
started sinking in that I had a car not just any car but a freaken bmw people better put
some respect on my name. it was a good think I was already halfway through building my
aunt a big house now imagine parking a BMW on that four roomed house we lived in. I
would be the talk of the town, not only would I be embarrassing myself but I would be
embarrassing my aunt too.

I got off the bed and went to make breakfast for both myself and Monde I was famished
this child of mine really loved food. However, I noticed that this child hasn’t kicked yet I
didn’t know if I should be worried or what I mean at six months I should be feeling the
baby move it’s something I needed to ask my gynae about on our next checkup. I was
making an omelette when I felt Monde behind me kissing my neck, he was only in his boxers
and I could feel his morning erection.
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“how is my baby doing?” he asked as he kissed my neck.

“the baby is doing fine” I said as my breath hitched.

“and my love?” his hands were brushing on my nipples softly, half pinching them as they
hardened. I moaned and brought my ass closer to him.

Chapter 17

After I finished taking a shower I chose on what to wear which was a real struggle since I
was getting bigger everyday it felt like I needed to get some new clothes every day, I ended
up wearing leggings and a baggy top with comfortable sandals. I wanted to go for some
grocery shopping Monde was somewhere in the house catching up with his work. I got a
call from my aunt just the person I was about to call.

“aunt” I answered excitedly I wanted to share the good news with her.

“uyaphila sisi?” she sounded down.

“what’s going on aunt, is Lihle okay? Are you okay?” I asked panicking.

“yes, we are fine my child don’t worry”

“but you don’t sound fine” she sighed.

“I got a letter from abakwa Mbatha”

“Mbatha?” I was confused.

“yes, they are asking for your hand in marriage” now I was even more confused.

“you mean Monde’s uncles sent a letter?” can someone just send a letter without talking to
you first.

“yebo nganeyami”

“aunt can I call you back later, I need to talk to Monde”

Monde!!
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He rushed to me and when he saw my facial expression he knew better than to say anything
stupid because I was ready to slap his face. I tried collecting myself.

“Monde did you send your uncles ekhaya?” I asked calmly.

“uhm something like that”

“what do you mean something like that Monde?”

“well I did, why are you making it sound like I committed a crime?” as he said this he was
scratching his head.

“it is a crime Monde how can you send a letter ekhaya, we are not even engaged?”

“we can do that whenever baby, it’s not a problem for me”

“No! Monde I don’t even know if I want to marry you” he raised his eyebrows.

“no, don’t look at me like that if the situations were reversed I wouldn’t even think twice
about getting married to you because I love you but this situation is hard. I’m not ready
to be in a polygamous marriage” I added

“but baby we can make it work, we have managed to make it work so far. We can babe
please I love you”

“I need to think”

He was at the door when I drove out of the yard I didn’t even get to enjoy my first ride on
this car because of his proposal well that wasn’t exactly a proposal.

I found myself at Pick’nPay well that’s what I wanted to do before this whole thing, so I
did my grocery and that put my mind at ease for a moment. I found myself at earth child
after grocery shopping going through some baby’s clothes, they were just so cute I couldn’t
help myself. By the time I was done my basket was almost full I had chosen neutral colours
since I didn’t know the gender of the baby yet, I made a mental note to pass by cotton kids
and buy some for Lihle as well my aunt was always complaining that I buy Lihle a lot of
clothes she was convinced that I was a shopaholic and I was convinced that I was a mother
who loved her child and wanted him to have everything he couldn’t have as a child. I was
at the shoe section when this guy greeted me so I nodded and continued with what I was
doing. I noticed that he was staring when I turned.
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“can I pass and stop staring its rude”

I wanted him to make a way for the trolley I was pushing.

“I am sorry but can you help me choose an outfit for my niece” he was smiling, I noticed
that he was very handsome light skinned with some pink lips but he was not my type I
might be yellow too but I preferred my dark guys. Okay why am I even noticing his
complexion my inner conscience snapped at me.

“you know your niece and her style so I don’t think I might be of help so now can I pass”

I said as I pushed the trolley but this stupid handsome guy was still following me, what
more does he want.

“are you always this rude”

“I wasn’t being rude I was just being myself”

“so, this is yourself?”

I rolled my eyes, he laughed. Wow so he found my annoyance funny.

“okay if may ask politely what more do you want I told you I can’t help you with your
niece” he bit his lower lip if this was his way of charming girls he really had a long way to
go.

He made a way I passed I decided to go and pay before I meet another weirdo who thinks
he can make a pass at me. I was loading the stuff on the boot when he decided to interrupt
my peace again now he was starting to get on my nerves. He loaded things on the boot as
he looked at me. When he was done he smiled and said “Done!” I raised my eyebrow.

“well I decided to be a gentleman once today so the least you can do is be nice to me just
this once”

“are you always this uhm annoying?” he pretended to be hurt and touched his chest in an
exaggerated manner pretending to be hurt.

“okay that was rude but thank you for helping me load my stuff” I added feeling guilty.

“can I atleast get your number”

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He is really making a pass at me wow why is he like this, I don’t understand men who flirt
with pregnant women doesn’t that give you a clue that she might be taken. It doesn’t make
sense really. I shook my head and got in my car then drove away. My mind kept going back
to this guy, why was I giving him

When I got home, Monde got out and came to meet me halfway, he unloaded the groceries
in silence while I went to cook, I couldn’t stand him. I was very energetic for a pregnant
person or it was my anger fuelling me up because I’m not normally this energetic.

I was almost done with cooking when he got in deciding to break the silence, we don’t
always fight but when we do we always say things we should have just kept to ourselves or
atleast I do.

“I didn’t like the way you spoke to me earlier” Zulu men and their egos.

“I am sorry,I was just angry”

“I still don’t get why you are angry” I thought we were both apologising to each other here
why is it all suddenly my fault.

“Minenhle do you want to raise this child out of wedlock I mean you said it yourself that
you want it to be perfect this time. I want Lihle to live with us and be a perfect family”
well except we can never be a perfect family. He already has a perfect family.

“I know and that was before I knew that you were married”

“are you going to throw that card at my face all the time we are fighting” he really is in a
bad mood.

“why don’t you get it Minenhle that I love you. I love Ziyanda (oh that’s her name) too
but in a unique way I love you both in two different ways and I cannot imagine my life
without any of you” uuuh.

“I know you love me too Minenhle otherwise you wouldn’t have stayed” he added. You see
this love is betraying me. why did I fall for a married guy for someone who already has his
person. I wanted him to experience marriage with me, was that too much to ask for?

“I do” I said quietly. I hate this love, it’s making me weak.

“then let me send my uncles let’s make this official vaat n sit is not my thing”
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“you’ve been doing it very good” I said smiling, he laughed.

“so, should I send my uncles” he said blinking and closing the gap that was between us.

I nodded.

“I want to hear you say it”

“you can send your uncles”

He kissed me. I couldn’t believe I was agreeing to this, I wondered what would my aunt
says when I tell her that I am getting myself into a polygamous marriage because of love.
She was going to say I was stupidly in love but I wanted to make this work I wasn’t going
to be best friends with the first wife but I was willing to try and be a civil person in this
whole situation. I wonder what comes in being the second wife, did that mean everything
we want to do it must go through the first wife first? I have read or heard somewhere that
whatever the first wife says goes and she is the heart of it all. The decision maker but surely
that wasn’t going to happen I mean we are modernised it’s not like I am getting married to
someone who lives in the rurals and still believe in all the customs that comes with it
including being submissive. Apparently the first wife in a polygamous marriage is the one
who suffers the most.

Chapter 18

It’s been a week since I accepted Monde’s proposal with no engagement ring, a week since
I committed myself into a polygamous marriage, a week since I allowed him to be Lihle’s
father. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into but I was ready. I was going home
soon for lobola preparations but before that Monde insisted that we go to this chesanyama
with Simphiwe and Musa. I didn’t understand why we were suddenly going to a
chesanyama even but when he told me that it’s a special chesanyama to him where him
and the guys used to go to before they had money in Soweto when they were still hustling.
It was in Soweto eZola deep ekasi. Yes, I lived in Joburg for many years but I have never
been to Soweto which was quite something.

“I still don’t understand why you guys like this place so much I mean it’s too ghetto”
Simphiwe complained about it for the hundredth time. She is a snob this one, well I couldn’t
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really blame her she grew up in the suburbs. She was spoilt rotten by her parents since they
were all rich so she led a very comfortable life since she was born.

“are you still OK babe?”

“yes, love I am, I actually love the vibe here. its chilled” he smiled and went to order our
meat while Musa was getting alcohol.

“girl I hear you are getting married soon?”

“yes, I finally let him do the things that makes the marriage to be done” she squirmed in
happiness.

“oh, I can’t wait for the actual wedding and to be your maid of honour” okay I hadn’t
thought that far but since I didn’t have that much friends it left me no choice but let her
be.

“I am not even engaged yet and here we are discussing marriage” I was laughing we can be
forward though as women but he is the one that planted the idea on my head. Monde came
back with the meat it was so juicy I couldn’t wait to indulge.

This thing of me being pregnant was getting in the way of enjoying my life I mean my
people were here having the time of their lives and I was drinking juice I mean. Out of the
blue Monde expressed his true feelings for me telling everyone how much he loved me and
how he couldn’t imagine his life without me and about how I was the only one for him. he
was drunk. He was obviously drunk. He surprised me and everyone that was around when
he went down on his knee took a box out of his pocket. Oh no I wasn’t getting engaged in
a chesanyama but who cared where I got engaged if I was engaged to him.

“ngicela ungishade ntombi” trust him to be blunt like that. What happened to “will you
marry me?” like the civilised man that he is. Tears can’t choose this very sweet moment to
fall bloody hormones. He repeated the question again with his eyes pleading with me.

“yes, yes just put the ring on already” everyone cheered oh I didn’t notice everyone had
gathered around to witness this. We had an audience, but getting engaged in a chesanyama
SMH.
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My aunt was pacing up and down making sure that everything is perfect for the inlaws I
have been trying to tell her about the situation I was getting myself into but she was too
excited to even lend me her ear so I guess she will hear about it during the negotiations or
after. My uncles (distant relatives) were here already also waiting. They all knew at home
that I was getting married to a rich guy so they were all trying I think they just wanted to
be invited to the wedding. My aunts which were cousins to my mother so I wasn’t sure as
to what to call them were already telling me about how much they children are suffering
asking me to make sure they atleast get an educated rich man like me if I end up not finding
a job for them.

“phela we also you never got to finish eMangosuthu but look at you now” I didn’t want
anything to spoil the day so I let that comment slide. Other than those nasty little
comments from my aunts everyone was enjoying themselves some were even drinking from
the cups.

“they are here” my aunt said getting inside, I was told to go and stay with my cousins in
the room as we were going to be called when they need us. Elders peeped through the
window I heard one of them exclaiming how rich the brothers both look.

“you must be excited hey” Nokwakha the cousin said while I was busy texting Monde. I
smiled at her I really was.

“I wonder if I will ever get a man who will love me enough to marry me” she is talkative.

“you will trust me” but then again not everyone is destined to get married I didn’t
understand why they all wanted to get married to much. Not all that glitters is gold. It
must be the societal expectation. Nokwakha was one of those girls who really had a good
body that appealed to men, she had curves and big boobs I think that’s what made her fall
pregnant at an early age. She had three kids from different fathers who weren’t supportive.
She depended on the social grant she and her sisters I guess that is why their mother wanted
them to get a rich man who was going to take care of them financially. She had given on
up on them.

I can’t wait for you to be Mrs Mbatha a text from Monde, I smiled.

I am Mrs Mbatha already you put a ring on it remember I texted back. Funny how he was
wasn’t a fan of WhatsApp before I introduced him to it and now he texted me almost every
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minute whenever he gets time. If he is not asking for my pictures he is busy telling me how
much he misses me. I loved this man.

You look beautiful in your long dress and a doek, pregnant and all. He must have seen when
I was outside earlier

You sneaky person. Where are you?

In the car outside, I am not allowed in.

Just then aunt got in telling us that all went well, she was all smiles I thought we would be
called in at some point. I was then told to go serve my in-laws of which Nokwakha helped
I think she liked me but I wouldn’t know growing up we’ve never been close since they were
older than me.

When I got in my eyes landed on my husband yes, we were husband and wife now I don’t
care what anyone else says. He winked and I melted but I really had it in for this guy really
bad.

Everyone was having an enjoyable time ekitchen we were listening to the tales Nokwakha’s
mother was telling us about, her escapades were hilarious though I could tell she enjoyed
her life in her youth days. Monde texted me when they were leaving so I went to him.

His arms were already opened wide as I approached him, he was all smiles I snugged on
him as he hugged me my belly was so big it was almost pushing him off.

“I can’t wait for this child to pop out already”.

“leave my baby alone. It’s done babe we are going to be husband and a wife very soon. I
am the happiest man alive”

He said spinning me around, I could feel them eyes gawking at me from the window which
made me giggle.

“I will see you tomorrow” I nodded.

Later on everyone went back to their holes but Nokwakha and her mother were spending
the night over. We were all having supper Aunt had cooked I noticed Nokwakha’s mother
staring at Lihle which was making my child uncomfortable. I snugged her on the shoulder
since I was sitting next to her she turned to me.
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“your boyfriend really looks like your child”

I laughed at how ridiculous that sounded.

“no seriously he does you would swear he is his father”

“I noticed yazi” my aunt chirped in.

“I guess when people spend too much time together they end up looking alike”

They were just being ridiculous Lihle didn’t look like Monde.

Chapter 19

“aunt are you sleeping already?” I asked as I got in her bedroom. She was already inside
the blankets.

“no I am just thinking”

I sat on her bed.

“yazi Minenhle ungiphoxile mntanami bengithi asinazo iyimfihlo layikhaya” I looked at

her apologetically I really had no valid reason for not telling her this.

“I am sorry Aunt you were too excited earlier I didn’t want to spoil your mood” even my
explanation sounded ridiculous.

“you had more than 8 years to explain Minenhle, I have been raising this kid don’t you
think I deserved some truth on your side”

Okay we are not on the same page here, what is she talking about.

“why didn’t you tell me that you were raped” I gasped, how did she know.

“who told you aunty?”

“it doesn’t matter, I am just hurt right now”

Why is she making this about herself, as we were having this conversation she was still
buried inside the blankets.

“you know why I am hurt Minenhle?”

I shook my head as if she can see me.

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“Minenhle I am hurt because you went through this all alone, this whole time I had been
on your case about pregnant at 16 kanti it wasn’t even your doing. I would have been there
for you my child, we would have gone through it together. I love you I am practically your
mother” she was crying Oh No.

“I am fine now Aunty stop crying, I dealt with it already I even went through counselling”

I was assuring her, I didn’t like seeing her like this she never cried.

“oh my child”

She said hugging me and she sobbed. This was breaking my heart this was not how I
imagined this night.

“aunt please you are breaking my heart now”

She wiped her tears and smiled.

“you are so strong I admire your strength” she said hugging me tighter.

“I cannot believe I cried”

“aunty even the tough one’s cry” I said laughing. It’s good to have her back.

“I have something to tell you”

It was best I told her now.

“I am getting myself into a polygamous marriage”

She looked at me as if she expected something bigger.

“that’s all?”

I nodded.

“Minenhle uyintombi yomzulu this is culture, you are just lucky to have found a man like
him who will take care of you and who loves you unconditionally. He speaks so fondly of
you. Polygamy is normal in our culture it has been practices for many years and they turn
out just fine.”

“I though you would freak out?” I admitted to her.

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“why would I. as long as you are not forced into this marriage then I am 100% behind it”

I got worried for nothing. I got in bed and slept with her I couldn’t remember the last time
we shared a bed no I do actually it was before I got pregnant. I slept peacefully. The baby
kicked.

Everyone was in high spirits when we woke up I wasn’t, I wasn’t looking forward to
meeting this Ziyanda person I loved her man not her. I didn’t understand why I had to
meet her soon after the lobola negotiations. They lived at Mathonsi and I lived at
Oyengweni which meant that the place I lived in was very far from theirs.

I was eating porridge outside when I heard my phone vibrating, I asked Nokwakha to pass
it to me and as expected it was Monde calling telling me that he would fetch me.

“this guy loves you too much it’s like he cannot live a minute without you” I smiled at her.

“how do you know that?”

“I saw you two yesterday it is like when you enter the room he can’t see anything else
except you” Nokwakha is sweet.

“really?” I don’t know why I still needed an assurance from other people that this man
loved because I knew for sure he showed me every day maybe it was the fact that he loved
his wife also as much.

“I love him too” I added.

Nokwakha and I spent the rest of that morning catching up, her telling me about her life I
always thought I had it hard in life but hers was much worse. I felt obliged to help her in a
way she was my cousin after all.

I had just finished when Monde came and of cause they were all fussing over him offering
him food and all and he didn’t say no he loved to eat. We ended up leaving after midday
and that meant I would have to spend the night over at his home, this wasn’t comfortable
with me what if that person burns me with the house. It’s possible.
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We finally left when he was done Lihle wanted to come over and I didn’t want him to come
yet because I didn’t know how he would be welcomed by the kids, I know eventually they
would have to know him and all that but not like this.

“so, who is at your home” I asked as we passed some kids who were playing by the road.

“just my family, Musa’s family and Masande’s so basically its family”

“I wish my parents were still alive you know to witness everything that has happened in
our lives” where is my inspirational mind when I need it.

“they may not be with you physically but they are definitely watching over you with pride
in their eyes. You all turned out so good” he smiled and held my hand as we drove in silence.

This was not just his family, it’s like they invited the whole of Mandeni to come and witness
the girl who took someone’s husband. When we got in the gate bubbly one was already
there waiting for us with a smile I loved her she was kind. She held my hand in assurance
there were men drinking umqombothi by the kraal and neighbours cooking outside.

“are you guys celebrating something” I asked this husband of mine who was holding my
hand.

“yes, your arrival” he said smiling.

“stop lying”

“we are hardly home so whenever we come back we always do something for our neighbours
which means everyone around this area, so I wanted you to be part of this” he explained.

I smiled at him it was a very kind gesture what they were doing, I was proud of them. Never
forget the streets that raised you, as they say it takes a village.

“Heeey” she said coming to give me a hug as soon as we entered and Monde smiled. what
is this, some kind of a soap opera why is she suddenly so nice. I looked around waiting for
the camera guys to come out from wherever they were hiding from but no they did not so
I gave her an awkward hug I wasn’t about to pretend like we were best friends.

“be nice” Monde whispered to me, what does he mean I am nice I hugged her back didn’t
I?
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“are you hungry, come have a seat we have a feast here” this is awkward.

I sat down she gave me the baby she was carrying which I assumed was theirs, step mother
duties. She played with my cheeks smiling oh maarn such a cute baby she was heavy though
I wonder what they were feeding her. I was playing with her until the food finally arrived
and my stomach grumbled in response. If the food was poisoned I will attend to that later
for now I am starved. I was 7 months pregnant and huge so I was relieved when they told
me to sit down as they had everything under control I guess my role was to play with the
kids.

Masande’s kids were also back and hell did they speak English, this thing of speaking
English with kids who had an American accent was not my favourite part of the day. They
kept asking me about my baby. Masande had four kids (two girls and two boys) who were
playing outside with Monde’s kids.

“Uncle said you were coming with our brother, where is he. We wanna play with him” one
of the boys peeped in through the door, that must have been Lwandle I heard he was
talkative.

“I will bring him next time I come okay?”

“is he going to live with us?”

“please can he live with us?”

I wasn’t ready with the questions they all bombarded me with but I loved staying with
them they were such adorable kids, they had manners.

Chapter 20

Monde was spending the night with me, I was never going to get used to the idea of sharing
him.

“the kids love you”

He said as he was giving me a massage, I couldn’t wait for this baby to come out already.

“all of them?”

He smiled.
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“yes, Hubo even wanted to sleep with you” she cried when she I gave her back to her
mother.

“she is such a sweet child. So, it’s Musa only who doesn’t have children in this family”

“he has a son, he lives in the Eastern Cape though” Oh

“I have never heard Simphiwe talking about him”

“well, she doesn’t know”

What? Who doesn’t have secrets in this family. My eyes were so heavy I had a very long
day I fell asleep on Monde’s arms.

I could hear someone knocking on the door I ignored it until Monde and went to attend
whoever was at the door.

“hey sleepy heads” she said getting in. wow.

“I brought you breakfast” it doesn’t get any worse than this. It’s 6:30 AM. She put the
breakfast down as I pretended to be fast asleep. When she was going out her and Monde
kissed, I will never get used to this. NEVER.

But I really didn’t understand this woman she was hot and cold like an unreliable weather.

“she is trying please meet her halfway” I guess if I wasn’t trying too then I would be the
bad guy here.

“when am I leaving?” I wanted to go home.

“you know you are part of this family now right? Which means you will have to come and
live with us eventually”

“I know I’m just not ready” he sighed.

“you are so spoilt” he said shaking his head.

“you finally admit that you spoil me too much”

He laughed.
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“simphiwe do you have ear buds” I asked her after we were done with the dishes, I insisted
they were all treating me like a child I didn’t like it when people were fussing over me.

“I do, they are in my handbag I’ll go fetch them for you”

“no, it’s fine I will go, in your room, right?”

I went to her on my way I met with Ziyanda she smiled at me and it was genuine wait did
that mean she really likes me. but what changed? I returned the smile as I passed her I am
such an awkward person.

I could hear voices speaking inside Simphiwe’s room I was about to turn when I heard my
name being mentioned now that had my full attention, I know eavesdropping is wrong and
all but I couldn’t help myself this had my undivided attention.

“How could you marry her Monde are you crazy?” Masande.

“I have fallen in love with her I can’t help it”

What are they talking about, he wasn’t supposed to pay lobola?

“I was fine with this whole this I mean she is a lovely lady but after I heard no Monde you
can be so stupid sometimes” Masande

Heard what?

“but bro as he said he had fallen in love with her”

“Musa, you were also part of this, what happened to you two. This is not how you were
raised”

“you need to tell her the truth” Masande added.

What were these people hiding from me again?

“I can’t it will break her”

This must be big.

“but Monde eventually she will need to know the truth you can’t hide the truth from her
forever” Musa

“okay Imagine I tell her what would I say? Hey Minenhle, I am the guy who raped you”
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What? No, my ears were definitely failing me this is not true.

“mhlampe uzokuxolela”

It is true. At that moment, everything froze I couldn’t move I didn’t hear what they said
afterwards. I was bleak.

A door opened and they all stood there with their eyes popped out.

“You heard?” Musa

My throat was dry I couldn’t say anything I just stood there, Musa and Masande saw it
best that they leave.

“Minenhle”

“Monde”

My baby.

The End.
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Why Him
Writer: Yanga Njomi

Diclaimer: This is a continuation of my rapist my lover

Chapter 1

Does it get better? Do you ever get used to the pain?

I was screaming on top of my lungs I couldn’t handle the pain, it was too much. I didn’t
know what was more painful whether it was an emotional pain or the physical pain but
what I knew for sure was that it hurt so bad.

Everyone was rushing around, I heard them telling me not to close my eyes, talking to me
trying to keep me awake but my eyes were heavy. I was tired.

………………………………………………..

Exactly at 00:30 recorded time my baby angel was born, she was healthy although born a
month earlier. Funny how the history has a way repeating itself when Lihle was born I was
crying because I was giving birth to the child of the rapist now when Ngesihle was born I
was also in heartache because of the same rapist. I really didn’t see this one coming not
even in my wildest dreams did I see that Monde was the one who raped me. how do people
do such awful things and be able to live with themselves. Not only did he break me by
raping me but again he had to go and make me fall in love with him. I couldn’t believe that
a person I loved with all my heart just hours ago I hated with passion now.

A nurse got in with my baby as I had to breastfeed her, luckily since she wasn’t my first
child I knew what I had to do and how to hold her.

Later, I saw Monde getting in my ward with his whole family, they had brought the clothes
for the baby I couldn’t even look at them. They were all fussing over the baby while I just
looked at them they kept exchanging the baby in between them exclaiming how beautiful
she was. I wanted them to leave so I could put them off the visiting list. We made some
small talks here and there then they decided to give Monde and I some space, talk about
people who sure can pretend. Here I was thinking that in them I have found a second
family. Kungcono ukuthemba itshe kunokuthemba umuntu.

Monde sat on the chair which was next to my bed as I busied myself with my baby paying
him no attention at all.

1|Page
Why Him
Writer: Yanga Njomi

“we can fix this” he said quietly.

I looked at him thinking he must have lost his mind to think that I would even consider
forgiving him.

“please talk to me Minnie I need to know that there is still a chance for us” his eyes were
pleading with me.

“I need you to leave and never come back” I said quietly through gritted teeth. I was
boiling with anger but I didn’t want to burst in front of the new born.

“I understand you are still angry I will come back tomorrow masowuphumulile” he kissed
Ngesihle’s forehead part of me wanted to cut him off my kid’s life completely but that
wouldn’t be fair on both my kids, everyone needs their father in their lives. Having grown
up with a father figure in my life I didn’t want to deprive my kids of that chance of having
a father.

I spent few days at the hospital, I got discharged earlier than I had expected when we got
out the hospital he was already there waiting. I looked at my aunt.

“I told him to come and fetch us. There is no way I am taking taxis when my son in law
has a car”

She still didn’t know what had happened.

“you know he has been spending the last days with your son, he really likes him. they have
a very special bond you chose well my child”.

I rolled my eyes.

Monde and Aunt were busy having a fired-up conversation while I just wanted to get off
the car they were suffocating me. Monde kept looking at me in the rear-view mirror yes, I
had cut him and his family off the list and I was not sorry not even a bit.

When we got home I was the first one to get off the car, I went straight to my room Ngesihle
was sleeping so I had to put her down she was heavy. Lihle came out of the room running.

“mah is that my sister let me see let me see her” he said trying to climb up to me.

I smiled.

2|Page
Why Him
Writer: Yanga Njomi

“she is sleeping, how about you help me put her down”

He followed me to my room.

“what’s her name mah” he asked whispering.

“Ngesihle”

“she is so beautiful”

“yes, beautiful like you”

“no mah I am not beautiful I am handsome”

I laughed and Ngesihle yawned.

“you are getting too smart for your age” he nodded smiling.

“I am smart mah”

He helped me as I unpacked Sihle’s clothes, Aunty peeped in at the door and told me that
Monde was leaving I nodded and continued with what I was doing.

“hamba uyovalelisa angazi nje ukuthi uzombalekela kuze kubenini”.

I put the clothes down and went out to him, he was leaning in by his car.

“what?”

He shook his head.

“you know Minenhle you really need to give me a chance to explain acting childish won’t
help us in any way”

The fuck

“oh, so I am being childish now?”

“okay I am sorry but this is frustrating me too, you haven’t said a word about the issue it’s
more like you just want to forget about it and us”

“do you blame me?”

3|Page
Why Him
Writer: Yanga Njomi

“Monde you know how much you hurt me so please stop coming here and acting like
everything is back to normal. We are not okay and we will never be okay, maybe one day
I will forgive you. Give me space please”

He scratched his head.

“but I need to see my kids too”

“you can always see your kids, I still have to explain to my son how you miraculously
became his father”

“but….”

I cut him off.

“Leave Monde, it’s over. We are over”

I said walking away I didn’t turn until I got into the room, I quickly closed the door and
cried. Love hurts deeply, if you have never been hurt by someone you love deeply, someone
you thought you would spend the rest of your life with then you are blessed it is some
excruciating pain. I promised myself that after this I will never cry for him again.

Sihle’s loud cry woke me up from my deep thoughts this child sure can cry, I changed her
nappy then breastfed her she was forever hungry which explained her weight.

It was after supper and Lihle had just gone to sleep it is his sister who wouldn’t sleep, we
were just chatting with aunt she was telling me that the family was coming over the
following day to see the child so I had to prepare myself.

“so my child tell me what’s going on between you and umkhwenyana are we still having
the wedding?”

I sighed.

“No, the wedding has been called off”

She looked at me like I had lost my mind.

“and you expect me to ask you what happened?”

“Aunty though I was getting there, so here is the thing….”

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Why Him
Writer: Yanga Njomi

I narrated the whole thing to her from the moment I arrived at the Mbatha’s to when I
eavesdropped and heard the whole thing. She couldn’t believe it for the first time in my life
my aunt was speechless if the situation was reversed I would have laughed but the situation
didn’t allow me to.

She got up and gave me a hug that’s when I noticed that she was silently crying.

“oh, Aunty stop crying I am fine”

She shook her head.

“I promised your mother I would take care of you I failed, I failed her”

“Aunty you did the best you could this is not your fault, I want us to move past this.”

She wiped her tears which fell uncontrollably.

“how Minenhle, tell me how Minenhle how do we move on from this”

I held her hand as I held my baby tighter with my other hand she was probably wondering
what was happening.

“we are stronger than this, we have survived storms this is minor compared to things we
have been through me and you. We will move on from this I promise you”

She nodded and took Sihle from me as I got up to make her a cup of tea it calmed her down,
I don’t know how but seemingly it had some sort of magic.

“what kind of a cruel man does that to a woman though”

“men are trash out here I can tell you that much”

I poured some water on the kettle and plugged it in after years we finally had electricity
although the elders were not as thrilled as we were.

“I hate that he is related to my grandkids”

She said playing with Sihle’s cheeks.

“yeah but Aunt how are we going to tell Lihle about this whole thing”

She kept quiet for a while.

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“we will not tell him yes what he did is unforgivable but we don’t need Lihle hating his
father after all he needs a father figure in his life”

I took the cup on the top shelf and put it in the tray before taking everything needed to
make tea.

“I don’t know if that is for the best”

“it is trust me on this one. Maybe when he is older he will understand the truth but for now
it will be too much for him, with him nje knowing that he is the product of rape he doesn’t
need those details”

I nodded, maybe she was right I just wasn’t sure about this. I took the now sleeping Sihle
to my room then went back to talk some more with aunt. We slept late.

I was woken up by Sihle crying her eyes out, I got up immediately and tried attending to
her but she wouldn’t stop crying I tried breastfeeding her but she just bit on my breast.
The pain, if she wasn’t my child I would have thrown her on the floor.

When I woke up the following day my eyes were still heavy I was still tired as I stayed up
all night attending to Sihle who wouldn’t sleep with Lihle it was never like this. He was
calm, slept a lot and hardly ever cried but this diva here wants her presence to be felt.
Aunty had her strapped on her back as she went about with her chores I don’t even know
when she woke up. I took some water and went to my wash my face and brush my teeth
before making breakfast for everyone. Aunt had a thing for children they loved her and I
could see that Sihle was getting attached to her too. Lihle was helping me around, they
always warned me about him being gay since he followed me around whenever I was home
but I enjoyed it.

Nokwakha was the first one to arrive with her creche and her mother they were all in high
spirits singing some wedding songs, I don’t understand how can one person have so much
energy Nokwakha’s aunt was on another level. I had forgotten Aunt said she was going to
call a family meeting until they arrived. After them my always drunk cousin came with the
uncles, they were all in high spirits I hated that I was going to be the bearer of sad news.

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Nokwakha and I cooked as the elders were having a flowing conversation Aunt said she
was going to tell them so they don’t ask many questions. Everyone respected her in the
family.

“cha uyakwazi ukuphula umoya womuntu we Minnie” that was my always drunk cousin
Siya. I just looked at him and smiled.

“are you hungry”

I said giving him his food.

“la ekhaya nje akekho umuntu oyoze ashade ayikho nje indaba yenu bengithembile ku
Minenhle kodwa naye nje uyangiphoxa”

We all laughed.

“when are you getting married Siya?”

“when I find someone like you maybe”.

He is crazy.

Chapter 2

It gets better when you let go, you know holding onto grudges or some things people did to
you only hold you back. You will see them enjoying their life while you are all miserable
and feeling sorry for yourself. I focused on me, I took all the energy I had and focused on
my family. I lived for my children and nothing else.

I was so deep in my thoughts I didn’t even notice the car I nearly ran into in front of me, I
quickly parked on the side. I rushed out to check on the guy’s car for any damage I was
panicking.

“I’ve always known you don’t like me but I didn’t think you would want to kill me”

He said as soon as I got out of the car as he met me halfway.

“you know this was not you I would have gave the person a tough time”
He added. I can never get over how handsome he is.

“I hope I didn’t do any damage”

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“you nearly did, lucky for you there is no damage”

I sighed in relief.

“I am so sorry, I don’t usually drive like that I don’t know what is wrong with me”
“you know you can make it up to me”

“I can?”

I asked getting curious

“yes, let’s go grab a coffee. There is this good café I know not far from here”

I grinned.

“it will have to miss me I am sorry I have a child waiting at home”

“okay, next time I won’t take no for an answer”

I apologised again the drove home I never thought I would bump into him again, after
being an annoying person he was at the mall, Johannesburg is very small.

I was greeted by Sihle’s laughter when I got home she was playing with Mme the child
minder, that sight I could get used to it every time when I get home. She got so excited to
see me she was such a happy child also she didn’t cry a lot anymore she was a darling
although she loved attention. I went to change my work outfit and changed into more
comfortable clothes then played with her.

I had just finished bathing Sihle when Monde came in, I know the child is his and
everything but he doesn’t have to barge in in the middle of the night, a boundary is needed
which must be respected.

“she has to sleep you know”

I don’t think I will ever forgive this guy, I was trying to make this co-parenting work but
every time I see him something in me turns, forgiveness is never easy. Forgive they say
your mind shall be free they say and here I was struggling. Have you ever hated someone
so much that you mentally envision yourself killing them, that was me? it was better when
I didn’t know the rapist and to think that I fell in love with a rapist made things worse.
Sihle betrayed me because she seemed happy to see her father she was all smiles when he

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took her and played with her. I took a decision in that moment that I will never tell my
kids the truth about their father. How can someone be so good and bad at the same time.

I decided to give them space as I went to join Mme for supper, she had dished out already
and waiting so we both sat down and ate over a small conversation I noticed that she put
out a plate for him too. I didn’t want to be in the dinner table as him, I heard Sihle laughing
before I saw them and he came straight to us. When Mme was getting up I told her to sit
down.

“no Mme he can dish out for himself and besides I didn’t know he was staying for supper”

Mme looked apologetic.

“but Minenhle I have a child on me, how am I going to dish out for myself?”

He asked looking frustrated. Oh, he was hungry, I kept quiet and chewed my spinach hard
while staring on a blank space. After some awkward silence even Sihle could sense it Mme
got up and dished for him.

I was the first one to leave the dinner table after I was done eating, I went to do some
ironing for the next day I always leave that for morning but I am always late so I saw it fit
that I do it. I was hanging the clothes when he got in with the sleeping baby, he put her on
her side of the bed I had a cot for her but she always sleeps with me so it’s useless. He then
turned to me

“we never really talked Minenhle”

“I need to sleep Monde”

“you even lost weight I hate this knowing that I am the cause”

“Monde I said I want to sleep!”

I said through gritted teeth I didn’t want to shout. He looked at me for a while then got
out. I changed into pyjamas then read my bible I was suddenly a very spiritual person who
was failing to forgive such a hypocrite I was. After I was done I prayed asking for God’s
guidance through it all and thanking him for being with me always.

I woke up with a throbbing headache but I soldiered on and went to take a bath. I could
feel that it was going to be a long day this headache was a sign. I called home while I was

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making breakfast and Aunt was telling me about how Lihle had demanded to visit his
family over the weekend.

“no wait, he demanded? Ubazelaphi?”

“I don’t understand why he suddenly loves them so much, apparently he gets bored here
because there are no kids he can play with”

“Lihle must not mess with me I told him clear that he can only visit over the holidays. I
need to talk to him”

“it must be the phase don’t be too hard on him. remember don’t take out your hatred of
their father on kids.”

“I’m not but I still need to talk to him. I will call later”

This child will be the death of me, I went to my room to collect my things then kissed Sihle.
I was planning on buying a house but my budget wasn’t on my side I had to endure living
in Monde’s house for a while. Well it’s the least he could do.

Chapter 3

Sandile and complaining. If he is not complaining about me being scarce, he is complaining

about his boyfriend not giving him enough attention but what I knew for sure I had missed
him. It was weekend and we were having lunch just the two of us like the good old days
before I become a full-time mother maybe I should take my aunts offer of her living with
Sihle while I worked, I suggested her coming to live in Joburg though and she would hear
none of it. She always says that Joburg has no fresh air its air is polluted and there is noise
pollution she wouldn’t survive a day bear in mind she has never been here.

“but my friend you have lost weight”

“and that is a good thing, right?”

I said smiling

“I guess, I don’t know maarn I am just not used to this person I am seeing in front of me”

I eyed myself.

“come on I am not that bad”

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“uhm. Waiter!”

People have been saying I lost weight but I didn’t think I lost it in a bad way so it didn’t
bother me.

“but my friend you never really told me about what happened between you and Monde”

“I did not?”

He rolled his eyes.

“no seriously I thought I did”

“today is the D day spill the beans”

I laughed then frowned.

“My friend when people say men are trash besuke bengadlali I experienced it first hand,
you know”

“what happened? Oh, how I wish you could just get straight to the point”

“uuuuh there is the vanilla one”

He said looking behind me.

“ungabheki, ungabheki. He is looking at us”

I wanted to look but he slapped my hand

“he will see that I am talking about him stop, ooh he is so yummy”

I laughed and he kept quiet immediately.

The guy tapped me on the shoulder and I frowned as Sandile was blushing opposite me.
when I looked up I found the “yummy” guy to be the guy I nearly crushed his car few days
back.

“we can’t keep bumping into each other like this”

He said smiling.

“Hello to you too”

“oh, where are my manners. My name is Busile Madikizela”

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He said extending his hand to Sandile who was red like a rotten tomato.

“Sandile”

“so, I take it you are the friend to this beautiful person opposite you”

Sandile laughed.

“are you worried I might be your competition perhaps?”

“I am just being polite”

“oh, I like you already please do join us”

I kicked Sandile under the table, he can’t seriously let this handsome man hijack our lunch.

“oh no that would be rude of me”

Thank you.

“I sure will see you again”

He addressed me smiling, then he left. I still hadn’t given him my number since the day he
asked for it at the mall which was the previous year but it felt like I would be seeing him
everywhere.

He waited till he was out of sight then he clapped.

“bitch! Where did you get that hoity toity”?

I laughed.

“no don’t laugh I want to know, how do you always get all the handsome ones and I get all
the pigs”

“you are such an exaggerator, anyway I met the guy late last year I think and we are not
dating”

I emphasized the last part.

“mmhhh”

“I am serious I very much enjoy being single you know. Thank you very much”

“well you need the D maybe you will gain some weight”

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“this is some really nice pasta you know”

He rolled his eyes. After lunch he accompanied me as I went to buy Sihle’s stuff we were
running out of her formula but I decided to by other things as well.

When I got home I found Sihle sleeping so that gave me some time to catch up on my work
on which I was behind on. Mme was really helping me out I don’t know how I would be
surviving without her.

Chapter 4

Life was going good on my side I was content, I didn’t have everything I wanted but I had
everything I needed. For the longest time I had been trying to convince Lihle to come and
live with us but he was hell bent and said he wanted to live with his grandmother even
when she had agreed. To be honest that child saw me as his sister and aunt as his mother.

This was the day I had been dreading, Monde was coming over to talk I needed to let this
go and by this I had to hear him out, I had to forgive him. I hoped that in my heart there
was still an ounce of forgiveness that I can offer to him. This anger I was carrying was too
much for me, it was not healthy. He arrived rather early than what we had agreed on, Mme
had left with Sandile and Sihle for grocery shopping I felt like that was them giving us
space that we did not need really.

“where is my baby girl?”

He said when he got in.

“asisabingelelwa”

He smiled.

“how are you Minenhle?”

There is this way only he says my name that makes me feel some type of way.

“I’m all good, should I get you anything?”

He sighed.

“I can’t believe we act like strangers now, you seem so uncomfortable around me”

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I shrugged.

“just a bottle of water”

I went to take with a glass then sat opposite him since he was seated already.

“this is awkward, never in my wildest dreams thought we would be here”

I said after sitting down. We both kept quiet for what felt like an hour.

“why?”

I asked after a while, he looked down and scratched his head.

“Monde you wanted to talk and I need you to answer me honestly”

“this is hard”

He said looking at me.

“I think it is the only way we can move on from this, I don’t want to hate you. You are the
father of my kids I need to at least be civil towards you but I can’t do that without closure”

“Minenhle I had been following you from that day, I wanted to make things right. I
regretted what I did, I don’t want to blame it on alcohol but I have had too much to drink”

He looked away for a moment I didn’t want to disturb him so I continued listening.

“after that night I kept having nightmares of you begging me to stop, I had clear memory
of your face. I wanted to apologise but I didn’t want to get arrested”

I raised my eyebrow and kept quiet. How selfish.

“look I had just lost my parents and everything went downhill from there, my family was
going through a lot I didn’t want to add on the problems we already had. I wasn’t working
at that time so I would follow you every time when you went to school. I noticed how after
that incident you became a loner, how you lost all your friends I wanted to give you a
shoulder to cry on but I was a coward. I know I should have owned up to my actions but
it was hard”

He stopped and looked at me then continued.

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“when I kept following you I fell in love with you I don’t know how but something in you
touched my heart and I couldn’t help but wonder if me and you had a chance of being in a
relationship and then you fell pregnant”

This guy was seriously stalking me, he knew so much”

“but after that you disappeared. When I saw you that day at the shops I knew I had to get
your number”

“wow”
I was speechless; how can one person be so fucked up. how do you even begin to fall in love
with someone you raped, how do you explain that”? not to mention that he was following
me more like stalking me after raping me, who does that?

“believe me Minenhle I wanted to tell you throughout our relationship but I couldn’t and
I could see how what I did affected you, I couldn’t do it I really couldn’t. what I know for
sure is the love I have for you, through this whole thing I’m glad you know the truth now”

“Monde how can you make this sound so normal? You are weird”

He sighed.

“I cannot apologise enough for what I did, I will live with it for the rest of my life and I
know it will haunt me till I die”

“I hope one day we can go past this, I want to forgive you I will try but I don’t think I will
ever love you again”

He did not answer, he just looked at me and after a while he said to me.

“even if I divorce my first wife?”

“it’s not about that Monde you know it, I know you love her and I accepted that I was
even willing to marry you despite that but this changes everything”

I heard Sihle’s laughter even before they got in. Sandile got in first with Sihle and gave
Monde a death stare he will never forgive him. he couldn’t believe after I told him the whole
story his words were “I will burn that trash of a man down including his useless family”
but I knew he wasn’t capable of that.

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“mhhm you are still alive”

He could see that Monde wanted to take the child but he just wasn’t having it. I got up
and took Sihle from him.

“had fun with Sandile my love, here is daddy”

She was already holding out her arms for him to take her, this I can never take away from
my kids no matter how much I hate their father.

“did you guys eat?”

I asked as I was headed to the kitchen to make something to eat. Sandile followed me.

“we ate but there is still room for more”

He sat down on one of the high chairs, Mme was resting in her room.

“I still don’t understand how you let that rapist in your house”

I slapped his hand.

“hayi wena not so loud and basically it’s still his house”

“same difference okusalayo ungu mdlwenguli nje”

“Sandile!”

“okusalayo”

He said rolling his eyes. I made a Nutella sandwhich for the three of us including Monde of
which I then took to him.

“guess who I saw today looking all yummy”

I smiled I knew where this was going.

“who?”

“the yummy B-man”

I tried to hide a smile but I failed. I couldn’t believe that I was falling for this yet he’s never
asked me out.

“where”

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“he was at Woollies doing some groceries which means he doesn’t have a wife unlike
someone I know”

I laughed, this one and shades.

“well we don’t know that for sure”

“can you believe that he still remembered me”

“but who would forget you”

We continued chatting and laughing, being with him is always a breath of fresh air. After
a while he left as he said, “boyfriend duties” so I decided to pass the time by cooking.

When I was done cooking I went to check on Monde and Sihle I found Monde changing
Sihle’s nappy. I looked at him struggling and laughed quietly he turned almost immediately
looking helpless.

“don’t tell me you’ve never changed a nappy before”

I asked still laughing.

“no, I have never been in that position”

Really?

“Monde you have three other kids don’t play with me”

He looked at, oh he was serious.

“okay let me teach you”

I said taking a nappy from him and showing him how it’s done.

“see it’s easy”

He smiled.

“yeah next time I won’t need your help”

“a thank you would have been nice you know”

I said teasing.

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After we were done he dressed Sihle up then we all went to eat, I fed the child while he was
eating. Mme was still sleeping it was unlike her the shopping must have got her tired I know
how Sandile can be.

“this is very delicious I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal”

“you live on takeout’s that’s really not healthy”

“I know but I’m just too lazy”

We continued talking as I tried to juggle in between eating and feeding the child, the
conversation was just flowing. After a while he left.

I decided on watching TV I am not a TV person but I do watch it every now and then when
I am really bored, Mme got in after a while she did the dishes then came to watch with me
she loved soapies. She was telling me about how big Greenstone is and how she still can’t
get over it she was talkative I loved her.

After a while I went to sleep since Sihle was sleeping too she has a habit of keeping me up
all night so I go to bed as early as I can.

The following day I woke up really early my mood was good I was in high spirits I told
Mme to get ready early as we were going to church. I hardly ever go to church which must
the reason why everything was going downhill in my life. I texted Sandile and he told me
that he was taking me to his church which was in Sandton.

I was wearing a black pencil skirt, a white long-sleeved shirt tucked in and heels I had lost
weight but I still looked good, I combed my natural hair into a neat bun it was about time
I did my hair.

When we got to church we found Sandile already waiting for us he was with his boyfriend,
his boyfriend was so reserved I don’t know how he kept up with a ball of energy that is
Sandile. He greeted us and took Sihle from me as we all got in. the church was really big
and judging by the cars that were parked outside it was like only rich people churched there
but it was in Sandton what was I expecting though.

The service was a breath of fresh air and uplifting the pastor preached about loving
unconditionally, it revived my spirit was in peace I needed to come to church more often.

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Chapter 5

I woke up with my spirit revived it must be this thing of going to church, I was singing in
the shower while showering. As soon as I stepped out of the shower I heard my phone
ringing somewhere but I wasn’t bothered if it’s important the person will call again. as I
was putting a body lotion on it rang again I looked for it then answered the call. It was an
unsaved number. I answered then kept quiet if he wasn’t going to speak then we will listen
to each other breath.

“Hi”

He said after a while and I returned the greeting.

“is this Minenhle?”

He asked politely.

“Yes”
“Oh great I thought I got a wrong number”

“errr okay and you are?”

“its Busani Busile”

I kept quiet for a moment and then it hit me oh Busani the Xhosa guy.

“how did you get my number Busani Busile?”

“I wouldn’t want to reveal my sources. I wanted to check if I got the right number”
with that said he dropped the call. Weird.

I saved the number not that I had the intention of calling him again but so I would know
when he calls you know.

I arrived early at work so I decided to check my emails first of which had nothing important
except the meeting I had at 12 in the CBD so I decided to prepare for that meeting first.
Thirty minutes before the meeting I took my stuff and drove to the destination.

When I came back the receptionist was busy giving me weird vibes and smiling she then
gave me a paper bag from Rocomammas and told me that a very handsome guy left it for
me. my first instinct said it could be Monde but why would he bring me lunch. I asked her

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what the guy looked like and when he described him I just knew it. So, we are bringing each
other lunch now. Interesting.

He had left a message on my phone but I had switched it off for some reason, I called him
and thanked him for the lunch I mean it was just lunch no fuss should be made about that
then went on with my day.

It was a Friday evening and I was going on a date with Busani Busile I decided to finally
go out with him I mean the guy had been asking. Monde had been here since midday he
insisted on babysitting honestly, I didn’t understand what was his problem because Mme
is there. I was wearing a red satin dress that was really sexy even if I have to say so myself
and gold stilettos I kept my makeup minimum I didn’t want it to be like I went overboard
for the date even though I did. It was my first time being out since I gave birth to Sihle so
I felt awkward having to leave her with Monde.

Monde was playing with Sihle when I came in he stopped what he was doing as soon as he
saw me.

“how do I look?”

He couldn’t speak his mouth was open, I guessed I looked good in such a way that he
couldn’t put it into words. I was instructing Mme as to what to do then took the keys so I
don’t disturb her when I come back.

I was getting in the car when Monde came out too, I rolled down the window listening to
what he was saying.

“where are you going?”

And then?

“what does that have anything to do with you?”

“I am the father of your children so I deserve to know”

“yes, the father of my children Monde and that’s where it ends but if it will make you sleep
at night I have a date.”

He turned and went back inside while shaking his head, I didn’t even understand what he
wanted at my place in the first place.

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I arrived in this restaurant and Busile was already inside so I checked myself a bit when I
was convinced that I looked good I got out and went inside. The place was dimly lit it had
that romantic vibe about it. I was surprised though as to why the place was empty. He got
up when he saw me and held my hand leading me to our table.

Classic music was playing in the background I am not very familiar with the genre so I
didn’t even know what song was playing. A waiter came to our table to take our orders.

We were having a chilled conversation over winery getting to know each other I made sure
not to drink a lot the last thing I needed was to get drunk on my first date and leaving a
bad impression that will last forever.

“so, what brings you to Jozi”

He asks after I had told him where I am from.

“well what everyone came here for Gold, there are no job opportunities where I come from”

I made sure to omit some parts I didn’t want to be laying all my problems in the table now,
mine are too deep.

“yeah you can say that again, same for me too getting into entrepreneurship can be very
hard when you are in the rurals”

From there the conversation was just flowing, he was telling me about his family and
everything that surrounds him. he is a very open person I just hoped he didn’t leave no
wife back in the rurals.

“so, you booked this whole restaurant just for me “I asked after some time.

He laughed

“and you are asking this now?”

“well I wanted to impress”

This is just overboard yeah, I am flattered and everything but who books a whole
restaurant just for a date well maybe rich people do.

“well I am impressed”

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“so” he said searching my eyes

“can I score a second date with you”

“if you play your cards right maybe”

He smiled.

It was about 10pm when I arrived at home but lights were still on I wondered why they
were not sleeping this late. I was surprised to find Monde still there and Sihle still awake,
doesn’t this one have life. When I got in he looked at me then checked the time and then
who is this? My father?

“why is the child still up, its way past her bedtime already”

“she was restless I guess she could feel that her mother is not home”

Exaggeration. I took off my shoes and put my handbag down then took her, she was
sucking on her dummy for dear life. Her big eyes were looking at me with curiosity as I
played with her cheeks it’s like she was asking herself where the hell I have been.

“well as you can see I am back now so you can see yourself out”

He looked at me for a while, I raised an eyebrow.

“just like that?”

“what am I supposed to say?”

Okay I was being rude.

“you really didn’t have to stay Mme is capable of taking care of her you know”

“I know Minenhle I wish I could be there for you guys you know, I want us to be family
again”

“sadly, that can’t happen”

By now Sihle was yawning you could see that she was getting sleepy.

“Thank you”

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He was already at the door when I said that he turned and smiled, our eyes locked for a
moment before I looked away. He left.

I was woken up by a ping on my phone alerting me of a message coming in.

Good morning, I trust you slept well like I did. You are on my mind, have a good day. Xx.

I smiled making a mental note to reply to him, this is sweet I think I might have forgotten
how it feels like to be in love again yes, I know we were not dating but still it felt right.

I was suddenly in high spirits I was even singing along to songs on my way to work I wasn’t
going to let anything get in my way. When I got to work, I had a lot to do.

I was still buried on my work I had some editing to do loads of it, again our receptionist
knocked on my door I looked at her and noticed that she had fresh white lilies on her hand
and some expensive chocolate. I smiled at her motioning her to get in.

“these are for you”

She said with the wide smile, that annoying smile of hers which was prying for gossip.

“there is nothing to tell”

She got up

“mhhhmm if you say so”

She said walking out. As soon as she was out I checked the card there was nothing special
written and it was signed by Busile I mean who else would sign the card. I smiled and called
he picked up almost immediately doesn’t this one work besides sending random flowers and
lunches.

“they are beautiful thank you”

I was smiling like a retard.

“I aim to please my love”

I nodded smiling as if he could see me.

“are you having a good day”

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He added. We spoke some more before he dropped the call.

Chapter 6

It was Easter holidays and Monde had insisted that kids visit him I decided to stay in
Joburg so I could have some quality time with Busani yes, we were in a relationship and in
love but I hadn’t introduced him to the kids I didn’t want to expose them to different
stepfathers. It was still early days for me to get into more details about our relationship
but what I knew for sure is that I was in love. I was packing an overnight bag as I was
spending the weekend with him he didn’t want to come over as he was respecting my space.

I drove to his place well I’ve been there before so I knew my way around, on my way there
I called Monde to check on the kids. Lihle was too excited he didn’t even want to stay on
the phone long I was still talking when suddenly, I was stopped by a traffic cop. A guy
came over and I rolled down the window I was lucky because he just wanted money for a
cold drink that’s the thing with driving big expensive cars but they just assume that you
have money of which I didn’t have.

when I got there Busani buzzed me in I can never get over how stunning his house you
would swear a president lived there, I parked behind his and he opened the door for me this
one was born a romantic. We kissed lightly then he took my bag from the car and we got
in.

“I cooked”

He said excitedly.

“what did you cook?”

“Uphuthu”
I rolled my eyes. Really all that excitement for uphuthu.

He laughed.

“I tried”

“well yeah it’s the thought that counts babe”

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He told me to get comfortable as he would be dishing out in a few, dishing out what amasi
but hey we must appreciate. I went to unpack my stuff, he called me while I was still
unpacking so I went downstairs.

I was surprised as to what was laid out everything was there, you would swear a chef came
by and provided everything.

“and here I was thinking that we were having amasi”

“you know me I always go all out”

I smiled inwardly. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down.

“so, what is your take on politics”

He asked while I was still enjoying my food but who asks such a question and I have never
been interested in politics but I couldn’t just that now could I.

“locally or?”

“in general,”

“well I am not politically affiliated but with the state of country right now with Zuma and
corruption I don’t think I would choose ANC”

He looked at me and chewed.

“I know don’t get me wrong I know ANC has done a lot for citizens of this country back in
the days it was the best political party anyone can go with but recently a lot has changed
which makes us question ourselves if it’s a wise to continue putting it in power or rather
give other political parties a chance”

“so if they can elect another president would that change your perspective”

“I don’t know but what I know for sure is that our country is in crisis I mean look at youth
unemployment rate, rate of crime amongst other things why don’t we give other parties a
chance and see how it goes”

“which parties like EFF and DA. For starters DA is openly racist that we all know but we
just turn a blind eye on it, see how they chose Maimane so they can use him as the front to

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get our votes, let’s not even touch the subject of EFF our country would turn into a war
zone they have no peace”

“but they are smart”

“yes, I agree they are but they use their intelligence in a wrong way”

“well I personally go with any party that seeks to eradicate poverty and increase youth
employment I mean look at the statistics and the number of graduates who are unemployed
who end up selling fruits or their bodies even just so they can take care of their families”

“we should fix the problem with ANC instead of abandoning it look at this when your child
is misbehaving do you chase them away or you sit down with them and let them see where
they are wrong, discipline them and come up with a solution”

“this is not the same”

“the scenario is almost similar”

After a while a helper came and collected everything we were using.

“are you sure you cooked all of this?”

He smiled

“okay I have to admit I got some help from her”

He took me to the cinema and we watched some comedy, when I say this house had
everything I am not exaggerating, it was just a dream.

I remember this one time he told me that when he grew up he had nothing they were poor,
his parents passed away leaving them with his grandmother who had no source of income
and depended on social grant and doing washing in their neighbourhood. They were known
as those poor kids who were mocked at school, they had nothing but a dream. Their
grandmother made sure that him and his sister get the best education of which he vowed
to get his family out of poverty.

After completing matric he went to university of fort hare and luckily for him he got a
bursary that carried him throughout university being the hard worker he was after he
completed the company that had given work hired him being an engineer was a dream come

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true for him but he wasn’t satisfied which is why he started his own business on the side
which grew massively and now they are living a lavish lifestyle. He was thankful to God
that his grandmother was still alive to enjoy see her amazing work she had done of raising
them up, his sister moved to the States to further her studies there.

Well I must admit I liked him the first day I saw him but I always saw him as this rich
snobbish guy after he told me that I fell in love, I loved his drive and hunger for success
and his love for his family that alone says a lot about a guy. If a guy doesn’t care about his
family then you should question how is he going to love you and take care of you.

I was already sleepy when the movie ended, that’s the thing with me I have a short
attention span but give me a book then I will be awake till the wee hours of the morning.
We went to bed soon after it and I dosed off as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was tired.
I had a peaceful night with peaceful dreams and no nightmares I guess that is the thing
with sleeping next to the person you love.

I was woken up someone kissing me all over my face I wondered where I was then it hit me
well it had been long since I had slept out.

“you’ve been sleeping too long I miss you”

I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

“what time is it?”

“its past 10”

What?

“I have been sleeping that long why didn’t you wake me up”

“you had a long week and you looked tired”

He was in his gym gear.

“you are coming from the gym already”

“its 10 babe and I have a gym in here”

“what don’t you have?”

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He laughed

I said that walking out to en-suite bathroom, I needed to brush my teeth I could smell my
breath telling a story. He followed me to the bathroom and he stripped naked as I was
brushing my teeth I decided to join him after I was done. I hugged him from behind when
I got in and he turned…….

When we were done breakfast was already laid out, I had a bit of rice krispies with plain
yoghurt I had to leave a room for more. Food on this table was too much and I wasn’t
about to let demanding work of his helper go to waste.

I was enjoying my breakfast when I noticed that my Busile was looking at me and smiling.

“what?”

I said wiping my mouth

“I love you”

He has showed me signs that he loves me but he never said it out loud the first time I agreed
to this relationship thing of ours he said, “I think I like you”. So, him saying that was really
a cherry on top I guess I gave it to him good on the shower. I got up and kissed him.

“so what are we doing today?”

He asked as I was doing the dishes I suggested that he gives the helper a day off.

“I was thinking we spend the day indoors and enjoy our company”

“yeah true, how about a picnic at the backyard”

“actually, that is a great idea babe”

I finished the dishes and decided to do some tidying up although there wasn’t much to be
done. Busile went out to set up outside while I picked out what we were going to need fruits
snacks and everything.

I couldn’t believe it the setting was so amazing I didn’t pay any attention to what he was
doing but when he called me out it was amazing.

“where did you get all these in such a short space of time?”

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I was stunned.

“a man must never reveal his secrets”

Okay I’m impressed.

It was all laid out beautifully he even had some petals sprinkled on everything he took my
hand and we sat down.

We were enjoying talking about nothing in particular we were so comfortable around each
other.

“you know my grandmother would like to see you”

No ways I have something against being introduced to a family after two days of dating.

“really?”

I couldn’t hide the sarcasm in my voice.

“yes, babe I told her all about you, she wants to see the woman who is responsible for my
happiness”

That is sweet.

“that is cute”

“you are not being sarcastic, are you?”

“no, I’m not babe”

“I was thinking we go for the Easters this coming weekend”

Why do I always put myself in such positions, all my relationships start almost too soon
and things move fast too soon. I was hoping with this one I could take things slow. I held
his hand and looked at him in the eye

“listen baby I understand what you are saying but can we take things slow not that I don’t
want to meet your grandmother I do I really do but I don’t want to make the same mistakes
I did previous years”

He looked at me like I was crazy.

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“really?”

“yes, baby can we just enjoy our happy bubble for now, get to know each other”

He smiled

“okay I get you now, it makes sense I mean we have been dating for two weeks now that is
really short”

He said feeding me some strawberries.

“actually, it’s been three but hey who is counting”

He laughed.

We had fun over the holidays and everything was going smooth, I understood Busile and I
were still on the honeymoon phase but it was amazing I was enjoying every step we were
taking. He went home for the easter weekend and I thought why not go home I mean I had
missed home too and my kids so I booked a flight I wasn’t in the mood for travelling.

Chapter 7

Monde insisted on picking me up from the airport since I had no means of transport I
thought why not, I found him already waiting talk about keeping time.

“you are really on time”

I said as he was helping me with my bags.

“so many bags you do understand that it’s less than five days right”

“most of the things that are here are for my kids”

He rolled his eyes.

“our kids Minenhle our kids”

“did you just roll your eyes at me?”

I asked laughing.

“no I did not”

By now he was packing my things on the boot.

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“I did not greet you properly”

He said hugging me.

“I hope the kids missed me”

“they did we all did”

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. The drive to Mandeni was short, you would expect
roads to be busy around this time of the year but it was empty so it made it easy to drive.
We were chatting along the way about nothing in particular.

Aunt was already outside when the car parked I knew I was in for questioning she had
hands on her waist instead of coming to help me with the bags. Lihle came out of the house
running oh I thought they were still at Monde’s I had my arms wide opened. I had missed
him insanely.

“hey kiddo”

“what did you bring mom?”

“is that all you care about Lihle, you don’t care about how your mother is doing anymore”

He hid his face on my jacket, this boy was getting tall by the minute. Monde didn’t stay
long he left almost immediately he was still not in my aunt’s good books and I doubt he
will ever be. That woman fights for my battles more than anyone on this planet earth, never
tell your mother about your quarrels with your friends or guy they never forgive and you
do. Sihle was sleeping.

“aunt I am waking her up”

“this child has been crying so please don’t make me slap you, you are old”

“but I miss her”

I said pouting

“that may work on that rapist of yours but it won’t work on me okay”

I covered her mouth

“aunty the kids will hear you”

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She looked around in panic luckily Lihle wasn’t around he was busy checking his clothes
out. She let out a sigh

“but still he is a rapist, are you hungry”

“no, we ate at the airport”

The following day Aunty woke us up at six, the hell. I rubbed my eyes and looked at her.

“are we being robbed?”

“vukani we are going to church”

“church starts at 9 aunty and now its 6AM do we really have to wake up this early”

“yes, if we want to make it on time”

I should have brought my car with I couldn’t believe how dependent I had been on the car
as a result the thought of walking to church didn’t appeal to me at all. I woke up and found
aunt already cleaning the yard outside old habits die hard, I decided to make breakfast so
long since we had tidied up before we went to bed, there wasn’t much to be done.

At 9 prompt we were inside the church waiting for the service to start, more people were
piling up you could tell that it was Easter and people really worship the Lord when its
Easters. I was deep in worship the song was speaking to me I had my eyes closed even,
when I opened my eyes I snapped out of spirit at that moment.

I saw the Mbatha family walking in I didn’t even know they went to Christ Embassy, when
I say all of them I mean from the big brother and his family to the youngest brother and
his family even the kids that lived in the states were here. I was suddenly not in the mood
for church my aunt was still in the spirit like nothing happened. The preacher was
preaching something about resurrection it was a resurrection Sunday after all but I hardly
heard anything I was busy scrutinizing them all that’s when I realised I hadn’t forgiven
them I forced a bile down my throat. Monde and his wife was all lovey dovely with we are
at church for crying out loud and the kids looked like they were all a happy family. I was a
bit envious but I was glad I never got in a polygamous marriage I doubt I would have been
happy.

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Sihle was getting restless I tried shushing her that’s the dreadful thing about coming with
a child to church. I wanted to leave early but aunt told me to wait until the church was out
as the pastor was going to take us home.

“it’s getting cold outside so we can’t be walking with the child”

I was amused.

“since when are you and the pastor best friends?”

“shut up kuyashunyelwa”

Mhhhmmm.

Outside we were waiting for the pastor as he was still going around greeting people and
making small convos that were unnecessary really. I don’t get people who always want to
make small talks after church why can’t a person just go home after church instead of
talking to everyone. I noticed Monde’s wife coming towards me and Lihle squealed in
excitement.

“Mama”

Did he just call her mother? She greeted me with the widest smile ever, mine was fake.

“look at this one all grown”

“yeah she is”

She took Sihle and played with her cheeks.

“the kids miss them, they should visit again soon”

“well I am going back to Joburg soon so I doubt it will be anytime soon”

“Listen Minenhle me and you never really got to talk about things. Please take my number
and call me”

“I have your number”

“okay please do call me whenever so we can talk. I am really sorry about everything hey”

She hugged me okay so we are hugging each other now. Interesting.

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Finally, the pastor was done we got in the car, my aunt took the front seat I noticed them
smiling at each other every now and then, I wondered what was up with them. When we
got home the kids and I got out of the car first to give them space after I thanked the pastor
for taking us home.

An hour passed and aunt was still in the car it must have been an interesting conversation
they were having. Lihle was busy showing me his books from school and his report he was
a smart kid I was proud of him, he surely didn’t take after me surely it was his father’s
genes that were instilled in him because I was never smart in school.

“I see you are very good with calculations”

“yes my teacher said I should choose maths and accounting in high school”

“oh really?”

“yes, she says I will be a very successful person she likes me mom”

She sure does.

“she is telling the truth you are very smart and you sure will have a brighter future. Your
father and I will make sure that you have everything you need in life okay all you have to
do is keep getting these As”

He smiled and ran to play outside. Aunt got in after a while as I was feeding Sihle.

“the bible must have been interesting hey aunt”

“you have a big mouth yazi Minenhle can you be useful and dish out food for me”
I gave her the child and she continued feeding the child.

“soo is the pastor married?”

She just shook her head as I laughed.

Chapter 8

Sandile being the darling that he is, he offered to take me to Joburg I obviously preferred
him over Monde who had offered too. He picked me up at home when he arrived I was
ready but as usual it’s always hard saying goodbye to them I don’t know when will I get
used to saying goodbye to my family.

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Sihle decided to behave for once in her life and was sleeping most of the time and we were
just talking about everything.

“I still can’t believe you travelled with Monde all the way from Durban to Mandeni”

“well we are not exactly enemies he is the father of my kids you know and besides I was
stranded”

Okay I’m explaining a lot of unnecessary things

“but still why do I get the feeling that you two will get back together”

“nope forget that one not even in the future I don’t see it happening. Sandile I am in a
happy relationship”

He rolled his eyes I could see him on the rear-view mirror.

“I saw that”

“I’m happy for you akufani I hope he doesn’t have a wife that will show up out of nowhere”

He is funny

“not everyone is like Monde you know, how is the boyfriend?”

He smiled, the guy is in love.

“friend he is so good for me I am loved”

“I sense a but”

“he still won’t tell his folks about us”

“he is still in a closet?”

These people had been dating for so long and still the guy won’t tell his parents that he is
gay, what kind of a coward is he.

“yes, my friend and I am tired. Everyone in my life knows about him but on his only a
handful”

“do you guys talk about it?”

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“yes, apparently his parents are really strict he is from the deep rurals of KZN and his
father is a chief so there are expectations for him”

“Like an arranged marriage?”

Oh, this is too much for one person

“and the girl had been chosen for him since he was a child so they can strike whenever and
tell him to marry the girl”

“He needs to fix this before it’s too late Lunga needs to stop being a coward he needs to
show his father that it’s you he wants he can’t be dragging you if he won’t fight for your
relationship”

I could see that this was tiring him a person can only take so much, relationships are tiring
they require so much energy and strength we don’t have. We had been so deep in our
conversation I didn’t even realise that already we were at Montrose I got out with Sihles
bag to the loo while Sandile went to Mugg and Bean to order something to eat.

I found him already sipping on his wine when I came back luckily, they provided chairs for
kids at Mugg and Bean.

“you don’t waste time neh”

He laughed

“if I wasn’t driving I would have ordered a bottle”

We arrived in Joburg after noon I was really tired you would swear I was the one driving,
I bathed Sihle I knew she wouldn’t sleep since she slept most of the day, Mme was coming
back the following day luckily for me I wasn’t working. After I was done I called home then
called the boyfriend I missed him he was also coming back the following day.

Chapter 9

It was a bliss okay I know I’ve been saying that a lot but Busile you guys was amazing he
was everything you can ever want in a guy and I didn’t want to jeopardise this by
comparing him to my ex no. Sex. That’s all I am going to say.

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I had just come back from work when I got a call from Sandile he was crying, here is the
thing Sandile never cries he is the strongest one in this friendship I am the one who is always
crying so you can imagine how shocked I was when I heard him crying. I drove to his house
there and then. When I got there the guy was a mess, I got emotional too. I hugged him
and cried too I didn’t even know what was going on.

“he is gone”

“he is gone”

He kept saying in between sobs, I hugged him tighter I wanted him to let it all out before
talking to me. I didn’t understand what he meant by gone maybe he meant he is dead or
something.

He calmed down after a while I went to take a tub of ice cream it was needed, he took a
spoonful of vanilla mixed with chocolate flavour and indulged. We were just staring on
space thinking when he sobbed again.

“it hurts”

“I know my friend I know, let it all out”

He put his head on my shoulder.

“what happened?”

I asked after a while. He was silent seemingly deep in thoughts thinking about this whole
thing trying to stomach it in.

“we were so happy”

He spoke after a while, I pulled away from the hug and looked at him.

“we were so happy, he loved me we were in love but his parents just had to do this. He is
coward Minnie he chose that girl over us over what we had”

“I’m sure it was not an easy decision”

He was emotional, I knew that me talking to him at this point wasn’t even going to do him
any better, the best thing I needed to do was to give him space.

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“will you be fine alone?”

He nodded. I hugged him one last time before leaving, I felt bad for leaving him but I had
a toddler waiting at home.

The following day after work I passed by Sandile’s place to check on him, I know he said
he was fine over the phone but I had to make sure that he really was fine. When I got there
I found him cooking.

“Hello”

He turned and smiled but I could right through him that he was far from fine he was just
trying to act strong.

“you did not go to work today?”

He shook as his head as he stirred on whatever he was cooking there.

“what did you tell them?”

“matters of the heart”

I laughed.

“and they let you off just like that”

“yes I mean I have a good record they had to”

I sat on one of the high chairs and told him about my day. We were still talking when we
saw his boyfriend getting in. I gave Sandile a quick glance who did not even turn. He
greeted me and went to Sandile.

“don’t even think about it”

He said through gritted teeth.

“uhm I will see you tomorrow friend”

“you are not going anywhere Minenhle if there is anyone who needs to leave here it’s this
trash”

I hate being caught up in couple’s arguments I never know what to do or say in situations
like this, when I looked at Sandile I could see that he means business. Lunga went upstairs.

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I decided to keep quiet because Sandile was boiling with anger, my phone pinged signalling
an incoming text.

I miss you

I smiled.

But babe I was with you few hours ago.

He typed almost immediately.

I know sthandwa sam but I wish you were in my bed right now, it is so cold without you

He is such a romantic

Few hours babe few hours.

I was spending the weekend with him, with both our busy schedules it was hard to spend
enough time together so whenever we had time we made sure it doesn’t go to waste. He was
a hardworking man who dedicated his life on work and his family which made me wonder
what happened to the mother of his child because that is one thing he never wants to talk
about. His child lives with his grandmother in Eastern Cape so I am guessing what
happened between the two of them was huge.

“earth to Minenhle”

He said putting a plate in front of me, I smiled I didn’t even notice that he was done
cooking.

“are you not dishing up for your boyfriend”

He rolled his eyes.

“ex-boyfriend please put an emphasis on that one”

He sat down and ate and started up conversation totally unbothered about the food issue.
After a while I had to leave and let him deal with issues, I really didn’t want to be on his
shoes right now.

Chapter 9

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We were all sleeping and it was midnight when I heard someone banging on our door, the
first thing that came to my mind is that we were being robbed but a robber wouldn’t knock
on our door so I woke up and wore my gown then went to check who was there while
rubbing my eyes. I was surprised to see Monde standing on the other side of the door, its
midnight what could he possibly want. That boundary I was talking about was really
needed. I looked at him and you could see that he was fuming I lived with this person for
quite some time so I knew him like the back of my hand.

“what is going on?”

I stepped aside so he could get in.

“I can’t believe all this years I have been taken for a fool Minnie”

“what are you talking about Monde you are not making any sense”

He looked at me.

“should I make you some tea?”

“I don’t want your damn tea!”

He sat down and rubbed his head but that was uncalled for I didn’t do anything so I didn’t
deserve this at all.

“I am sorry I am just so frustrated right now”

“listen I can see you need to calm down so I will give you some food so you can sleep I have
a very long day tomorrow”

He nodded still not looking at me so I went to make dish for him on some left overs. While
he was eating I made sure that the spare room was in a good condition then went back to
sleep. When he is ready to talk, he will talk.

When I woke up the following day I was surprised to find Monde ready to leave, not that I
wanted him to move in but I expected some sort of explanation as to why he barged in like
that the previous day.

“I am sorry about yesterday”

He said when he saw me walking in.

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“want to talk about it?”

Luckily breakfast was ready so I dished out for myself and sat down.

“no maybe someday”

I shrugged he took an apple then left. Weird.

After breakfast I kissed my daughter then left for work.

When I got to work everyone was just getting in so I went to my office and buried myself
on some work, we work in this place there is really no time for gossip. You hardly ever find
two people gossiping even in tea room people make small work and go back to their work,
not that I mind I am not one person to participate in gossip anyway.

I was still working when I saw Busile getting in, I smiled I had missed him. I loved that
despite his busy schedule he always finds some time to come and see me perks of being your
own boss. I have never been to his workplace this made me feel bad in some way. He got in
and locked it’s a good thing it was around lunch hour so there was no way my boss would
barge in.

I kissed him.

“I missed you”

He kissed me again “I missed you too my love”.

“to what do I owe such a pleasure” he was sitting on a chair next to my desk and I was
sitting on the desk which made him have a full view I was right in his face practically.

“I was around so I thought I should come by and see my baby”

His hand kept going up and down my thigh which sent chills down my spine I was wearing
a skirt which flowy so that meant his hand had no trouble going inside. I opened my thighs
making a way for his hand. He smiled seductively. Before I knew it, I was on top of him
and he was kissing me hungrily his hands were all over my body.

“we don’t have much time”

“I know I’ll be quick”

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He said taking my top and tossed it somewhere on the floor I had never had office sex before
and I was not against it. His finger found it’s my way down to my nuna while the other
hand held me in place as he kissed me. I moaned in his mouth, he inserted another finger
and that’s when I lost the ability to hold it in his thumb was busy rubbing my clit this
whole time. He took his hand out of it and licked them while looking at me in the eye he
then kissed me so I could taste myself. I took off his pants and got up a bit so I could get it
down then sat down again. I took my underwear off.

“do you have condoms?”

I was on birth control but we were not on that no condom phase in our relationship. He
took the condom and gave it to me so I can put it on him.

“you came prepared huh?”

I said while opening the wrap with my teeth and slowly put it on him. I inserted him on me
there was no time to be all romantic about it, it was a quickie after all. I moved slowly
going in circles he moaned a bit then I increased the pace going faster. I could feel myself
sweating up I got closer to him while I rode on him I was getting loud so he put his hand
on my mouth.

“aaahhh”
I was coming, I could feel him shaking too. We both came at the same time, he looked at
me and smiled while he tried to catch his breath. After a while I got off him and got the
wipes.

After work I drove to woollies I needed to do some groceries and get a birthday cake for
Mme since it was her birthday the previous day and I didn’t get her anything. On my way
I called Sandile, he told me how about him and Lunga made up.

“euw I don’t want the details”

He laughed.

“apparently he told his parents everything”

That is scary, I know how strict traditional parents can be.

“what did they say”

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“it’s bad my friend, they disowned him saying that he has brought nothing but shame in
their home, he is a disgrace they said all the things you can think of and you can see this is
draining him”

“they are still in shock, they will come around hey”

“that’s what I said to him too I just wish his parents could be as understanding as mine
are, I guess we will never get married if his situation continues like this”

“and you need his parent’s blessings too hey”

“I know babe, this is just stressful”

“he should just give them time and after all this has calmed down then talk to them, make
them understand that he did not choose to be like this, he was born this way there is nothing
he can do”

We spoke some more then I got out of the car while still talking to him, now he was telling
me about some gossip, he never runs out of things to say that one. I dropped the call after
a while and did the grocery.

Call it curiosity or caring too much but I was worried about Monde I mean he can’t just
barge in my house looking like that and expect me to let it slide just like that. As if on cue
sms came through

Where are you?

On any other day I wouldn’t have replied immediately but this wasn’t any day I wanted
to know what was happening.

On my way home

After sending that I quickly sent another text

Why?

He didn’t reply after that, mxm.

When I got home Mme helped me unload groceries of which I gave her the cake after I was
done. Monde arrived shortly after, Mme has some level of respect for Monde that I didn’t

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understand it’s not like we were dating or anything like that. At times I felt like she
respected him more than me.

“right on my footsteps as if you were following me”

He laughed a bit.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation after what I did yesterday”

“you feel like?”

He led me to the study room so I guessed he needed some sort of privacy, this was big.

“what is it about?”

“you know the kids are not mine”

“which kids are you talking about?”

I immediately got on a defensive mode as if he was talking about my kids.

“my wife has been cheating on me all these years”

What? This is the reason why I never ask what is happening rather ask what happened in
case I am be expected to come up with a solution, now I didn’t know what to say to him.

“are you sure?”

I know this is the stupid question to ask but how.

“yes, the paternity results came back yesterday”

Wow, I was speechless.

“so, who is the father?”

“I don’t know, all I know is that all these years I raised kids that are not mine”

Karma really is a bitch you know.

“oh God I am so sorry, I am sure this must have been hard for you but those kids are
practically yours. Where is their father?”

“apparently she broke up with the father after Lubanzi (the last born) was born”

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She really fucked him up you could see that this broke him although he tried to hide it, this
was really an insult to his manhood.

“so what happens now?”

“I don’t know”

He is such a sucker for love, I would have gone out of that damn the moment I got those
results back and never look back but hey we are not the same. I guess he had invested so
much in their relationship and marriage, but not one not two but three.

“I know what you are thinking but I love her Minnie”

I nearly rolled my eyes, you should just see when you are taken for a fool who knows maybe
they were sponging him off for some money.

“I know”

We both kept quiet for some time both lost in our thoughts I don’t know what he was
thinking about but I was thinking about how much of a fool he was when he randomly said

“are you happy?”

I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I am I didn’t think I would find love after what I went through but someway somehow
love found me”

I wasn’t boasting or anything but I was happy.

“I can see even your eyes are sparkling when you are talking about him”

I smiled but it felt weird talking to him about it.

“I know hey”

After a while he left, what is love I felt like love isn’t what I grew up thinking it was, love
really was something else. love is tolerating each other and perseverance I guess. From that
little encounter I had with Monde I saw him with a different eye, he was a loving person he
loved too much. I wondered what his family was saying about this but I wouldn’t be
surprised those are some sneaky little hypocrites.

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Chapter 10

A day after Monde had come over at my place Busile and I were going on some mini
vacation, he is one person who loves spending some quality time. Therefore, we were going
to Durban for a weekend, I have been to Durban but I had never spent some holidays over
there to be specific I had been to Gateway only. Sandile came over apparently he wanted
to make sure that I pack some sexy stuff not just anything. I was just glad he was back to
his old himself I even told him that a heartbroken him is no fun at all.

“babes what is wrong with you only one lingerie, you can’t be serious”

I rolled my eyes.

“I am going for a weekend only I won’t be on lingerie all day long”

“you never know when you might need the Dick honey so you better be prepared”

He went to my closet and took three other lingeries, and some “sexy clothes”.

“Listen every day you have to show him why he chose you”

I smiled.

“ohh okay but my friend what could I possibly be without you”

“nothing babes nothing”

Sihle woke from up her midday nap as if she could hear her Godmothers/fathers loud voice,
she scanned the room and smiled.

“Sihle just woke up and she is smiling wow this is a first”

“of course, why wouldn’t she smile when the fabulous mother is here”

She said taking her and playing with her. In the meantime, I went to cook, Mme doesn’t
cook on weekends unless I am really busy so since it was a Friday and I was leaving I
decided to spoil them a bit. I called Monde to come and have supper with us, Busile and I
were going to leave late.

After I was done cooking I called everyone over that’s when Monde parked outside.

“manje lesidlwengu sesifunani lana?”

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I gave him an eye

“vele uyisona”

He said rolling his eyes.

“he is going through a hard time you know his wife has been cheating on him”

I said lowering my voice I was surprised when he laughed.

“iheeee awu cha you know karma a karma my friend that’s all I’m going to say I don’t even
feel sorry for him”

Monde got in and we all sat down and ate making jokes here and there. It reminded me of
the good old days, it was all fun until Sandile decided to spoil the moment.

“aike we Monde don’t think just because you have been invited for one supper then that is
your ticket back into my friend’s life no not at all she has moved on. right now, she is
waiting for her boyfriend to come and take her on a vacation honey”

Monde looked at me and I looked at Sandile daring him to shut up but he kept going on
about how happy I am and everything. Awkward.

Mme saved us all by getting up and tidying up the place, Sandile was busy playing with
Sihle like he didn’t just make everything awkward for us all.

“uhm let me go and check if I have everything”

Monde got up also.

“I will leave, thank you Minnie enjoy your vacation”

He left immediately.

“really Sandile, the poor guy is going through a lot right now”

“awu cha he deserves it all, he deserves everything coming his way. You don’t rape my
friend and live to tell the tale. I will torture him for all the days of my life I can see you
want him back”

“I am going to take a bath”

I said going to the bathroom.

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“don’t get back with trash I am warning you”

He shouted after me, I just shook my head. He is handful but I love him.

Busile picked me up shortly after I was done with freshening up, Sihle didn’t even cry for
me when I was saying my goodbyes such an understanding child I have.

“you look good my love”

This guy always compliments me I was in my travelling gear which are jeans, tshirts and
sneakers nothing cute about that but hey a girl can do with compliments every now and
then. My heart was breaking because I had never gone anywhere without my child but I
had an amazing weekend to look forward to and that’s what matters.

“get Monde out of your mind”

Sandile whispered on my ear before we left, I don’t know what gave him the idea that we
were going to get back together I was content and happy in my relationship I had no time
to be thinking about Monde. I quickly looked at Busile when he whispered that but luckily,
he was busy with Sihle.

We were so tired when we arrived we showered and went straight to bed I was looking
forward to what the following day had instore for us, we cuddled. I was woken up by Busile
who had showered even.

“babe they close in an hour for breakfast”

I yawned.

“what time is it?”

“it’s nine you’ve been sleeping for too long”

He said kissing me. I went to take a quick shower when I got out of the shower he had
already chosen what I was going to wear.

“uuh babe”

I was confused.

“yes, my love”

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“you chose an outfit for me”

“yes, babe I don’t want you wearing these short things those thighs are mine to see”

Mhhm I hope these are not his controlling ways because if that’s the case I can’t deal with
that, I lotioned and wore what he had chosen for me. We went for breakfast.

I had the most splendid day Durban sure is beautiful from sightseeing to Ushaka Marine
where we went back to being kids. I saw a side to Busile I didn’t know existed the side he
hardly ever reveals his playful side but I love it. He doesn’t have to be serious at all times.

“enjoyed yourself baby”

He asked as soon as we were in the hotel.

“I did wow it was amazing babe, you were so playful I loved it”

He laughed.

“I am always in playful mode baby”

“no, you are always this serious businessman who is always like you are going to discuss a
business deal”

He was laughing so hard.

“you are making me sound so bad”

“let me show you how playful I can be”

He said tickling me all over my body, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe or talk

“you like this B”

He was laughing too, he stopped and kissed me all over my body just when things were
getting serious his phone rang.

“I thought we had agreed on switching our phones off”

I said balancing my body on my elbows.

“I’m sorry”

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He mouthed as he answered his phone, wow this guy. I decided to switch my phone on and
check on my family too since we were using our phones now.

“what, what happened?”

I heard him shouting to whoever was on the other side of the line. It sounded serious so I
stopped what I was doing and looked at him, he listened some more then ended the call.

“what’s going on?”

His mood suddenly changed.

“my child is sick I have to take a flight to P.E”

He said dialling on his phone of which I later learnt that he was calling his P.A to book him
a flight. I got up from the bed and packed out things there goes our romantic getaway not
that I’m complaining or anything. He went to the reception to fix whatever he was
supposed to fix and I was left changing what I was wearing to something more comfortable.

“I have checked out already so we have to keep moving”

He was so snappy you would swear that I was the one who bewitched his child. He took
our bags and I followed him out. There was a rental car already waiting for us outside his
P.A is a genius because I didn’t think of that at all.

“am I going with you?”

“yes”

A “can I please go with you Minenhle” would have been appreciated but hey he is stressed
I must be a supportive partner. I decided to text Sandile so long.

“you know it’s not my fault that your child is sick”

I was tired of the silent treatment, he closed the book he was reading and looked at me he
smiled a bit.

“I don’t blame you babe”

He took my hand and intertwined my fingers with his.

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“I am just worried, I don’t do well with worry I hate things that are beyond my control”

“you can’t control everything Busile this one was beyond your control you need to
understand that”

What I saw there was a man who loved his child unconditionally, who was worried about
the health of his child to be honest I would have the same thing if that was one of my kids.
I always panic when one of my kids is sick which is why my aunt opted for not telling me
when it is something minor.

Chapter 12

His home was just out of this world I mean it was everything and more, it stood out since
they lived in the village you could see that people in this place were just surviving but they
were content. His grandma was already outside when he saw the car entering the gate I
knew they were not expecting me which made me nervous about meeting them under those
circumstances. She opened her arms wide when she saw him getting out of the car and
hugged him. They had a very special relationship. She smiled when she saw me standing
awkwardly next to his grandson.

“Gran this is her”

I melted, she knew about me. a tick.

“oh the one with the kids”

That wiped the smiled on my face instantly there really was no need for that.

“how are you mntanam”

She said hugging me too.

“Gran how is he”

“hayi wethu sengcono kuthe kanti bekungeyonto etheni”

So, all the panic for just something this is the moment where I would have rolled my eyes
but I was still paving my way here so I couldn’t.

“I actually I wanted to talk to you about something”

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Now I really don’t understand this woman, how can he use his son to drag him all the way
here. I was still not sure whether she liked me or not besides the comment she made she was
accommodating. When we got in we found the child watching t.v and he looked perfectly
fine to me. Busile looked at me apologetically this was probably the first time his grandma
has done something like this. She went to the kitchen where their helper was at to get us
food. The child had moved from where we found him sitting at and he was now sitting next
to his father.

“my name is Buhle”

He said smiling, the manners he had wow. He was a bit older than Lihle only a few years
though I could tell. Busile laughed and introduced us properly.

“is he your girlfriend papa?”

I chocked on my juice, this child is so blunt I really did not expect him to be straight like
that.

“yes, Buhle she is my girlfriend”

He said smiling and looking at me, the grandma got in with the food it was a traditional
meal. Steamed bread with chicked which I later learnt that it was called “umleqwa” in their
language.

“papa I also have a girlfriend at school I love her”

Busile just shook his head while I laughed, his child was such a character I loved him. his
grandma scolded him and told him to go eat in his room since he couldn’t keep his mouth
shut.

“grandma I will behave I promise I will zip my mouth”

“mntanam I am sorry we are meeting under different circumstances, welcome to our home”

I smiled, she is not bad.

“thank you I am honoured to be here”

She asked some questioned which were not personal and then we all chatted about nothing
in particular.

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“I hope you will be sleeping over”

“we didn’t really talk about it gran”

Busile said looking at me.

“no, we can spend the weekend here I don’t mind”

The old lady smiled at me I felt like she was testing me in a way, I still felt uneasy around
her. She said she wanted to do groceries so I offered to take her to the mall while Busile
bonded with his son. I drove the rental car as she gave me directions.

“so, tell me do you love my son?”

Uh obviously I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love him but I couldn’t say that.

“yes, I do”

She looked at me for a while like she didn’t believe I feel like this woman thought I was in
it for money but honey I worked and I afford my life so she must not start with me.

“I’m not sure if I like you or not so I will tolerate you because my son loves you”

Okay I’m not sure I like her either but then again at least she was honest.

“you still have to prove yourself. We don’t trust anyone around him after what Buhle’s
mother did so we have to be cautious”

I see. I wonder what she did though but I wasn’t going to ask because this woman has made
it clear that she doesn’t like me although she tried to be polite about it. We got to the mall
and she led me to checkers you could tell that she is not one person who just eats whatever
by the things she picked. Honestly, I was tired now I had to go from one shop to the other
because wow this person is a lot but hey we must impress.

We were in the car going back, Busile kept texting me back and forth I smiled and answered
one of his texts because he wanted to know if I was surviving with his grandma.

Babe I am driving, will see you in two hours.

But that is too long I miss you

I laughed and the gran looked at me.

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Do you want me to kill your grandma, stop TEXTING? I miss you too.

“just because I said you are not my favourite person that doesn’t mean you have to kill
me”

She said laughing so I didn’t know whether it was a joke or what. I will thank the heavens
if I make it through the weekend.

Before I knew it the weekend was over and I was back in the busy streets of Joburg driving
back from a meeting. I don’t have a lot to say about the weekend but the grandma treated
me well despite what she said and Buhle was such a sweet child I really didn’t understand
what kind of a mother who would abandon her child just like that. I remember Busile
telling me that her grandmother said I was for keeps and he should just marry me we
laughed about it but I was flattered honestly, I didn’t think his family could love me like
that.

Chapter 12

We are raised to believe that marriage is everything, we should love unconditionally but
no one ever tells you the baggage the comes with it. Girls need to be strong and are taught
to take care of their men at a very young age but here is the thing they forget to tell us how
we should take care of ourselves, they forget to teach their sons how to love us and how
they should treat us. You have to figure it out yourself sometimes we go round about it the
wrong way but that is how you learn right. To love is not easy to be loved is easy.

I woke up with a bile on my throat I quickly rushed to the bathroom to throw up but
nothing came out but when I went back to bed it came back again. I rushed out again and
this time around everything I ate came out. Ever thrown up to a point where tears even
come out of your eyes, that was me. Busile came to check up on me luckily, I was done so
he flushed the toilet as he helped me wash my face.

“we should take you to the doctor in the morning”

“no, I am fine babe”

“okay but if it carries on we will go”

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He said spooning me from the back it was so hot but hey he was trying to be romantic here.
When I woke up in the morning he had made me breakfast he is a natural romantic so I
was used to it.

As days went I would be sick every now and then but I didn’t pay any attention to it
because I felt like it was now and I didn’t tell my boyfriend because he liked making a big
fuss over nothing so I thought it would be best if I don’t tell him. This one time I had just
had breakfast which came all up afterwards luckily Sandile was with us so insisted on taking
to me to the doctor I was also getting worried now so I didn’t give him any trouble.

I was surprised when the results came back positive not even in my wildest dream did I
imagine myself getting pregnant, Sihle was still so young she still needed my full attention
what was even more surprising was that I was not only pregnant but I was three months
pregnant this was confusing. Well I had skipped taking my pills every now and then but
not because I wanted to fall pregnant but because I forget to sometimes. When I got out
Sandile could see that I wasn’t OK so he didn’t ask anything he just drove me to my place.

“are you dying?”

He asked after a while, I looked at him and laughed the drama he had though.

“I told myself that for once I will mind my business but I am dying to know”

“I am pregnant”

“oh kanti”

“you are not surprised?”

“uuh let me see”

He pretended to be deep in thoughts then he added

“when two grown people have sex everyday what are the results? Pregnancy of cause”

The thing that was really stressing me is how was Busile going to react to this I didn’t even
know if he wanted kids or not, he never spoke about it. When we got home, Sandile dropped
me and left.

I am pregnant

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That was the text I sent to Busile with just that and went to chill with my kid, Lihle was
visiting for September holidays and by then we would have moved out of Monde’s place I
had finally bought myself a new place I mean it was high time I couldn’t live there forever
this was my proudest moment. I fell in love with the place the moment I saw it I didn’t
even have to think it twice. While we were still playing Monde got in, he hardly ever came
to the house I figured he was trying to fix his marriage.

“my family”

He said smiling and I gave him an eye while Sihle was over excited to see him sometimes I
think these kids love their father more than they love me, they are never this excited when
I come home.

“I am getting a divorce”

What? I didn’t see this one coming what happened to love?

“oh my God really? What happened?”

Well cheating happened but the last time I talked to him about this which was weeks ago
he wanted to make things work, he said he loved his wife and he was going to fight for her.

“I tried making things work but seriously I think we both know that once cheating is
involved it is hard to fix things especially when there is one part involved”

“I am so sorry I really didn’t see this one coming”

I gave him a hug not because I wanted to but I didn’t know what to say I couldn’t come
up with right words to comfort him and besides a hug is the best comforter.

“thank you”

He said after I pulled out, should you have told me a year ago that we would be here today
talking like civil adults, co-parenting so well I would have laughed at your face but
forgiveness really goes a long way you know.

I was surprised to find five missed calls from Busile when I was getting ready for sleep and
I noticed that he called immediately after I had sent the message but I was busy comforting
my ex to notice. I called him back and he got back to me almost immediately.

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“you are pregnant?”

Uh that’s what the message said.

“yes”

I said quietly, I couldn’t put how he felt on his voice.

“can I come and see you?”

“babe yes you don’t even have to ask”

I wonder if he had decided to come earlier and found me hugging Monde yes it was an
innocent hug but it wouldn’t have looked that way to him.

He arrived minutes and came straight to my room, the reason he hardly ever comes to my
place is because he says it makes him uncomfortable I don’t know why I don’t even ask.
He took off his clothes and joined me on bed.

“we are pregnant”

He said brushing my belly, that alone gave my heart some palpitations I couldn’t help but
smile and held his hand while it brushed my belly.

“are you scared?”

This man you guys.

“I was more scared of your reaction more than anything I wasn’t sure if you would be
happy or not”

“I am happy baby well I wasn’t expecting you to fall pregnant now but we are having a
baby, that is good”

I smiled my cheeks were hurting by now.

“I am three months pregnant I don’t why I didn’t pick up this earlier but the doctor said
these things happen, there is a medical term for it but I forgot”

“aren’t there any complications?”

“no, he checked me earlier and he said I am perfectly fine and the baby is doing just fine”

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We kept quiet for a while and then it hit me, we were going to be parents. I was blessed
with the man I loved with all my heart. I was falling asleep listening to him talking to the
baby promising all the things in this world, he was hoping for a girl and I was honestly
going to be fine with whatever gender because I had both a girl and a boy.

Chapter 13

This was the day we were moving to the new house I was over the moon, Monde did not
take the news well when I told him that I was moving out but hey naturally I was an
independent lady so it was a move I had to do. Most of our stuff were on the new house
already we were moving to Auckland park. It was an eight-bedroomed house which
included the main bedroom (upstairs), two guest bedrooms (one upstairs and one
downstairs), Lihle’s room (downstairs), Sihle’s room (downstairs next to his brother’s), a
nursery which was next to the main bedroom and Mme’s bedroom also aunt’s bedroom.
That’s when I realised I had a big family. Sandile insisted on having his bedroom so he took
one of the guest’s bedroom and decorated it to however he liked it. It had a spacious kitchen
which had everything in grey colour and a touch of white, a cinema, a lounge and a dining
room with two bathrooms (one upstairs and one downstairs), a cinema, my office which
had a little library it was just a modern masterpiece with a view to die for when you go
outside using the backdoor it overlooked a lake I could already imagine my afternoon
watching the sun set.

We were settling in just fine, I was that woman now who lived in a big house and drove a
big car my life was going so well. I thanked God all the days of my life I couldn’t believe
that this was me I remembered the days when I was a receptionist earning peanuts living
in a one roomed house barely surviving, God surely is alive at that time I didn’t think I
would be here I didn’t even believe in love but here I was living every woman’s dream.

I love you.

Again, I was reminded of how lucky I was.

Monde had just informed me that he was on his way since he was the one who picked Lihle
I had suggested that they book him a bus but no not Monde’s child he wasn’t going to
travel on a bus alone. I made sure that I cook, Busile was in P.E I suggested that he come

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back with Buhle too so he can spend holidays with us, we were going to be family soon so
it was high time the kids meet each other.

Lihle was the first one to jump out of the car, I was waiting for them by the door smiling.
Sihle clapped when she saw his brother.

“wow mom your house is so huge”

He said standing and admiring it.

“you know I didn’t believe my dad when he told me how big it is”

“Lihle do you ever greet?”

He laughed and came to give me a hug, he grows up really fast I always say this but he
really does.

The following day, Monde called saying he wants to take the kids out for some shopping in
Sandton, these kids have more clothes to last them a decade honestly, he said I should come
too and I wasn’t going to say no to spending some time with my kids. He picked us up I
mean it didn’t make sense for us to go in separate cars when we were going to the same
place. As we were shopping I couldn’t help but take some for my unborn kid too I wasn’t
sure of the gender yet so I picked neutral colours. Monde being the gentleman that he is
paid for everything and he didn’t ask me anything since I hadn’t told him that I was
pregnant. This walking up and down at the mall was tiring me honestly so I suggested that
we go and get something to eat. My feet were swollen.

“are you pregnant?”

He asked while Lihle was busy feeding his sister. I smiled and brushed my belly.

“yes, I am”

“wow why didn’t you tell me”

“I don’t know it didn’t cross my mind”

I really didn’t understand why he would get hurt over this.

“are you happy?”

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He always asks this randomly, I guess my happiness still comes first to him.

Where are you?

I looked around I don’t even know why I felt guilty.

At the mall, why?

He did not answer after that, I hoped he wasn’t keeping tabs on me because if he was.

When we got home the only thing I was interested in was a warm bath and some good sleep
but of cause Lihle wanted to fit all his clothes so I had to smile through and admire it
although I really wasn’t feeling it.

I was woken up by Busile I didn’t even hear them when they arrived I was practically dead,
he was looking at me in a strange way.

“where is Buhle?”

“he is at my place”

I was confused because we had agreed that he was spending the holidays and what the hell
was he waking me up for.

“Oh”

I wasn’t even going to ask why he was at his place if he want to be sulky then he can do
that at his place also. I was having such a nice dream you know. I tried to sleep again but
he shook me more violently.

“Busile what do you want!”

I roared he was taken aback even I was taken aback I didn’t expect myself to shout so
loud.

“so, you do shopping with your ex now?”

“what? You are keeping tabs on me now?”

“just answer the damn question!”

Okay one of us must calm down, it’s a good thing my room was sound proofed the last thing
I need is my kid to hear us.

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“yes, we went to buy things for the kids, is there something wrong with that?”

“yes HE IS YOUR EX for goodness sake, get that through your fucking skull”

“he is also the father of my kids”

“I don’t want you anywhere near him”

“now you are losing your mind, what kind of a parenting will that be”

“I am done talking to you about this”

He stormed out and slammed the door, this guy is crazy how dare he. I wanted to go back
to sleep but I was too furious to even go to sleep. I went to take Sihle who had fallen asleep
on Mmes bedroom. After I was done I warmed up my food and went to the cinema, I tried
watching a movie but I kept thinking about this. I realised that I was wrong in this whole
thing I needed to stop it I had to keep the boundary and let him be the ex that he is
supposed to be. I made a mental note to apologise to him in the morning I didn’t want
anything to put a strain on our relationship.

The following when I woke everyone had ate their breakfast already so I bathed Sihle then
fed while Mme made me breakfast. After I was done I drove to his house on my way there
I was preparing myself as to what I was going to say when I got there, I had to be mentally
prepared but also, he really didn’t have to shout at me like that.

I found him making breakfast, I wondered where was his helper Buhle was watching
cartoons in his pyjamas this kid loved t.v so much. When he saw me, he smiled he was more
reserved than the last time I saw him.

“I know you”

He said after a while it’s like this whole time he was trying to figure it out where he knows
me from.

“you do?”

“yes I do, you are papas girlfriend”

Busile got out of the kitchen wiping his hands on the apron he was wearing, he looked so
sexy.

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“what are you going here?”

He is not going to do this in front of the child now is he. I blinked and looked at him.

“Buhle your breakfast is ready?”

“did you make it the way my gran makes it?”

He rolled his eyes, he sure was in a sour mood of which the kid didn’t deserve it at all.

“go eat Buhle”

I guess he knew better than to mess with his father when he is in that mood, he rushed out.

“can I sit?”

That sounded awkward considered this was practically my second home. He just shrugged
so I sat.

“are you not offering me breakfast also?”

This was me trying to enlighten the mood of which I was obviously failing because he told
me to get straight to the point. I apologised I was surprised at how forgiving he was I mean
just last night he was burning. I told Buhle to come with me because I could see that he
was bored alone at that house he needed someone to play with.

Time went on I was happily pregnant and loved I mean it couldn’t get better than this. It
was a lazy Saturday I decided to take Sihle so we could go to the park it had been long since
I spent some quality time with her. I was spending most of time with Busile of which was
unfair on her.

We were busy playing when this beautiful dark-skinned lady approached me, she was
wearing a figure hugging dress which revealed her body which was to die for but I wondered
though out of everyone who was at the park why would she approach me. she smiled when
she reached me.

“I am sorry to come at you like that”

“if you were not this beautiful I would say you are a serial killer”

She laughed, Sihle was also looking at this lady who just came out of nowhere.

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“I am Buhle’s mother”

Huh.

“I know you are dating Busile and he has told you all the terrible things about me but I am
here to warn you about him”

She is crazy.

“he is not who he portrays himself to be and I can see that you are pregnant already this
would have been better if you were not”

“what are you talking about?”

“can we meet in a more private space”

She took my number and told me that she was going to text. Who is this person? What
does she want? I had tons of questions but what I knew for sure was that I was going to
meet with her. The more I thought about this the more I got scared as to how she found
and how she knew that I was coming to the park. has she been following me?

I met a person who claims to be Buhle’s mother

Sihle touched my face as if she was telling me that everything is going to be fine, I think
kids have a sixth sense that tells them when things are not good. After a while I drove home
I had this paranoia that someone was following me. I found Busile already waiting for me
at home.

He quickly came out of the house and asked me is he did not harm or anything but she
seemed harmless to me. Mme took Sihle and got inside the house I followed them in to my
bedroom.

“Busile you need to tell me what is going on with her”

“all you need to know is that she is crazy, babe this person has been following you she is
disturbed”

“well I am going to meet her”

I said taking wiping my lipstick with the wipes I had this habit of wiping my lipstick first
before I eat. He grabbed my had and the wipe fell on the floor, he looked at me in the eye.

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“I said you are not going to meet her”

He emphasized that part.

“you are hurting me”

I said rubbing my wrist trying to get his hand off me but he was still looking at me with
cold eyes, I didn’t know this person he was so cold.

“you don’t listen Minenhle you are stubborn”

“Busile you are hurting me”

I hated that my tears were at the verge of coming out, I didn’t want to seem weak in front
of him. he let go eventually.

“you are provoking me babe”

He rubbed my wrist and hugged me. I decided not to put it on my mind but I was still going
to meet the girl he can break my arm if he wants to.

Can we meet tomorrow at Rocomammas at 12

I got the text from her few days later and I was relieved I thought she had forgotten about
this whole thing, what I told myself is that I was going to get to the bottom of this no
matter what it takes seemingly there was more to it than it meets the eye. As much as I
was tempted to ask Sandile but at the same time I knew that I had to deal with this alone
there are details of my relationships that he didn’t need to know about. I got the message
at 9 in the morning and luckily for me I wasn’t going to work.

I arrived there at 12 straight, I waited and waited I texted the number but it did not go
through. I called but nothing I couldn’t believe this fool now I understood why Busile
didn’t want me to meet her she was absurd I mean who calls someone for a meeting and not
show up so unprofessional, just when I was about to leave I saw her entering she was
rushing I rolled my eyes. She was an hour late.

“I am so sorry; my car broke down”

She said sitting down. Well I had ordered already so she ordered her meal, seems like one
will be here for a very long time.

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“I was about to leave”

I said after a while to kill the awkwardness.

“did you tell Busile that you were coming here?”

I gave her a look.

“I’m sorry but I don’t want him interfering us”

“how is he?”

She added after a while.

“surely you did not call me here for that? I don’t even know your name”

“oh I am so sorry I’m Zoleka”

“You know sisi Busile is a very controlling dangerous man surely you have noticed that”

I kept quiet because deep down I had noticed that he was controlling but dangerous no not
my Busile.

“the only thing I want to know is why you left your child?”

“it’s a complicated story….”

A waitress brought her food and she took a bite while I waited.

“when I first met Busile he was loving he was everything I ever wanted in a man and within
a year I was pregnant, I didn’t even complain I was happy. It all started when I got
pregnant he would shout at me but I thought I was the one who provoked him so I would
apologise whenever he got angry but it got worse he started slapping me every now and
then”

“Zoleka please just stop, stop lying”

“I had no money I depended on him, so I stayed he treated me so bad sisi. He would leave
me home while I carried his baby, he would leave for days I wasn’t allowed to see anyone I
wasn’t even allowed to leave the house I was a slave I had to give it to him whenever he
felt like that”

“you mean he raped you?”

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“yes, he did several times with no…….”

Who the hell does she think she is. I wasn’t going to listen to this bullshit, I got up from
the chair and looked at him in the eye.

“Busile was right about you, you are nothing but a conniving liar and I am not going to sit
here and listen to this nonsense.”

I laughed a bit

“oh, I see what you are doing here, you are jealous oh wow it makes sense now you are
jealous, wow”

I said going out, what was I thinking coming to meet this girl. I was so annoyed, I went
straight to my car to calm myself down I wasn’t in a state to drive. Just when I was about
to get in the car.

“run sisi before it’s too late run before you come out there in a coffin”

“leave me just leave me alone okay! Geez man”

I slammed the door and drove, I have never been this angry in my life. When I got home I
went straight to bed I didn’t want my child to see me in that state. I brushed my belly and
reminded myself of what was important stress was not good for the baby.

I was woken up by Busile.

“are you OK my love, Mme says you’ve been sleeping”

Why did he wake me up urgh?

“yes I’ve been sleeping because I am tired, why are you waking me up?”

“I am sorry don’t bite my head off”

I pulled the covers on and went back to sleep.

Chapter 14

I was 7 months pregnant this had to be the easiest pregnancy I ever had there were no
complications at all, I was looking for the signs but Busile was treating me so good. If he
was not organising me a spa treatment, he was taking me out pampering me. I haven’t been

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seeing Monde as I was told but this one-time Sihle was sick and Busile was working so I
had no choice but to call Monde I mean he was the father of the child after all. We took her
to the doctor and it turned out that she was catching flu nothing major.

“Minenhle you have changed”

What?

“yes, you have you are no longer the same Minenhle we all knew and loved”

This was news.

“what do you mean?”

“Minenhle when was the last time you visited your aunt and your child, the last time you
spent some time with your friend you didn’t even notice that Sihle was sick until Mme
brought it up”

“so you are trying to say that I am a bad parent?”

“no that’s not what I am saying I am just saying that you have been so caught up in your
own bubble you don’t even notice everyone around you. All that matters is your damn
boyfriend, you worship him”

Why do I feel insulted by this?

“Monde please don’t insult me, you know very well that is not true, I am not selfish”

“just look at yourself in the mirror, don’t allow that man to change you”

I didn’t realise that I was changing what I knew for sure is that my man loved me so much
that he wanted to spend all his time with me, men hardly ever do that nowadays. Monde
didn’t know Busile like I did, I know that he loves me and he really does.

I decided to call Sandile because part of me was feeling guilty to be honest I couldn’t
remember the last time we had our usual lunch date and gossip about everyone living on
this earth.

“Look who decided to finally come out from the world of hiding”

“haaa Sandile”

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“when was the last time you saw me bitch?”

I sighed. It was two months ago.

“I am sorry I have been busy”

“busy with what? You don’t even return my calls you have become that person now you
don’t have time for your friends anymore well I am practically the only friend you have
but you know what I mean”

“can we do lunch tomorrow, I miss you”

He kept quiet for a moment.

“please my friend”

“I am busy”

“Sandile I am literally begging here”

“I am joking you know I would drop everything to spend some time with you although I
doubt you would do the same”

“that is harsh my friend”

“it’s true you are changing and I don’t like it”

I wondered why everyone kept saying I have changed because I personally didn’t think I
had.

Being the early person that he was I found him already waiting, he was wearing a skinny
jean with a flowered loose top and some sandals (he was girly like that) with sunglasses on.
He was busy texting on his phone he didn’t even pay attention to me when I sat next to
him.

“hey stranger”

He said hugging.

“I missed you”

“I know you are this person who hardly ever calls”

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“I am sorry I’ve been busy”

“busy with what because you are on maternity leave even”

He said looking on the menu. A waitress came to take our order and I ordered what Sandile
had ordered.

“can I say something?”

Knowing him the way I do he was going to say it anyways so I nodded.

“I feel like your man is controlling you”

I laughed a bit.

“why do you say that?”

“Minenhle you are always with him, you hardly go out, your kids (he said rolling his eyes),
when was the last time we had a lunch?”

He sounded like Monde.

“have you been speaking to Monde?”

“why would I speak to that rapist?”

He will never stop.

“you sound like him, he said the same thing earlier”

“you see I am not the only one who sees this. Minenhle don’t let him change you this is not
you honey”

Weeks went by I was starting to notice thing they were talking about, Busile was changing
he would preach to me about how I wasn’t allowed to speak to Sandile because he was a
bad influence his exact words.

“baby we will get married you need to befriend people who are married”

I didn’t have any say in what goes in our relationship because he was the man therefore I
had to follow his rules and let him do things his way.

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We were at his place this one time well that’s where I was spending most of my time, despite
everything he was a perfect man I loved him and he loved me more than I deserved. I never
thought I would find love after my saga with Monde but I did and despite me having two
kids he loved me and my kids. People can say whatever they want to say about him because
they don’t know him but I know my man I know the man I am in love with. He is not a
bad person he just has his moments like everyone else. this one time he was in the shower
so I got a call from Monde he hardly ever called he respected my space ever since I told him
to back off so I figured it was important, I answered.

“hey how are you”

And I thought this was important but I missed talking to him so I answered.

“you are so scarce, Minenhle you can’t leave the kid with Mme all the time he needs your
attention too”

“but Monde I thought we talked about this please don’t question my parenting skills”
he sighed.

“I know but Sihle needs you both your kids need you”

Well it had been two weeks since I was home I guess I needed to go check what she needed
and bond with her but Busile needed me here too.

“I will make time for them Monde I promise I know they need me”

“please I am not judging you I still care about you hey”

“I know me too”

I dropped the called when I looked up Busile was staring at me his eyes were literally tearing
my clothes, I shivered a bit.

“I thought we agreed that you are never going to talk to that man again?”

“more like you commanded me”

I said that putting my phone on the charger I didn’t want him to intimidate me at all but
before I knew it I was on the floor he slapped me so hard I fell. I brushed my cheek I
couldn’t believe what he had done to me. I looked at him waiting for him to say that it was

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a mistake but what followed was more than slap he was kicking me even while I lied on the
floor trying to protect my belly. It was like he wasn’t himself I don’t know that man, he
knelt beside me pulled me by my braids and said

“don’t mess with me okay, don’t you dare!”

I couldn’t talk my tears did all the talking for me, my mouth was bleeding I looked into his
eyes I wanted him to see that this was me the person he loved not some tramp but his eyes
were cold he looked at me straight in my eyes.

“clean this mess up, I need some fresh air”

He changed into his sweatpants, took his car keys and wallet then left. I had no choice but
to pick myself up and clean the mess he was talking about. There was blood on the floor I
was nose bleeding. I went to the bathroom sat on the floor and let it all out I sobbed. He
beat me for the first time in life a guy beat and I did nothing about it I just sat there I was
so disappointed in myself. I was worried about my baby when I noticed some scars on my
arm it occurred to me this guy was dangerous one of these days he was going to kill me. I
needed to go home, I was going home. This hellhole is not for me. I picked myself got out
of the shower then packed. I wanted to get all my clothes while he was still busy getting
“fresh air” but I was surprised when I got to the door and it was locked. I went to check
the spare and it wasn’t there now I was getting frustrated, did this guy just lock me in?

I took my phone out and called him but he didn’t pick up, I tried and tried but still no luck.
I wanted to call Sandile but I didn’t want him to know about my problems, I didn’t want
to be that girl everyone felt sorry for because his boyfriend was beating him up. I texted
him I knew this would get his attention.

I am bleeding I need to get to the doctor

The baby is fine. I am on my way back I need you to cook for me, I am hungry

He is crazy if he thinks I will cook for him, I sat on the couch and waited for him. in the
meantime, I decided to call my aunt.

“are you OK my child?”

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I could feel tears wailing up on my eyes when she asked that talking to her alone made me
emotional.

“talk to me Minenhle I can feel it you are not okay, what is going on?”

Just then I heard the key turning on the door I told my aunt I would call later I quickly
dropped the call. He got in looked around then went to the kitchen.

“where is my food Minenhle?”

He was shouting from the kitchen. I kept quiet.

“Minenhle I asked you a question, where the hell is my food?”

I was getting scared but I tried to act tough and looked at him in the eye.

“I want to go home, open the door”

“this is your home; which home are you talking about?”

This man is crazy, Buhle’s mother was right oh wow how did I not see this she was right.
He sat beside me and rubbed my belly.

“okay baby I forgive you I know you were tired I will order in some food for us don’t worry”

What the hell?

“Busile I said I want to go home!”

His hand stopped moving on my belly.

“what, what did you just say?”

“I said I want to go home”

“and I said this is your home, why don’t you respect me Minenhle huh?”

He was getting furious again, he looked at me in the eye.

“you will go to your place in the morning”

What did I get myself into?

Chapter 15

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Surprisingly he allowed me to go home I couldn’t believe it what had just happened I kept
asking myself who was that man, I thought maybe I had provoked him therefore I deserved
it because he told me that I shouldn’t speak to Monde and I did despite his begging. I had
to work on our relationship. I was surprised to find Monde at my place he was with Sihle
who didn’t look so well herself. Mme met me halfway she looked apologetic.

“I am sorry sisi Sihle wasn’t feeling well I didn’t know who to call you were not picking up”

I just nodded I had my sunglasses on I forgot to put on my makeup, his fingers were a bit
a visible on my face.

“what’s wrong with her?”

I asked taking her from him and feeling her forehead.

“I’m not sure I think she was just coming down something”

She wasn’t crying anymore, she was falling asleep maybe she really missed me nothing
much. I mouthed a thank you to him as I went to my room. I put her down and looked at
her as she fell asleep, after she was she was asleep I sat in front of my mirror and checked
how bad my cheek was. Monde got in while I was still checking it out, I had bags under my
eyes.

“Minnie what happened?”

He didn’t even knock.

“why didn’t you knock?”

“does that matter, what happened to your face”

“I fell”

He rolled his eyes I should have thought of a better lie.

“is this what I think it is”

I hated that I was feeling so emotional and I was going to cry any minute if he didn’t leave.

“Minnie is he beating you?”

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“what, no why would you even think of that Monde that man loves me”
“clearly he doesn’t love you if he can leave your face like that”

“I said I fell okay”

I looked at him motioning him to leave he surrendered and left, I took my phone and
checked for any missed calls the weren’t any from him. I thought maybe he would have
called and apologise but no yes, I was wrong but he didn’t have to beat me like that.

I woke very early the following morning I wanted to go to my gynae and check the baby I
was worried about the baby. I texted him and told him that I was going to the gynae in
case he wanted to go with me but he didn’t respond so I left without him. when I got there
luckily for me it was empty so I didn’t have to wait I just got in.

He examined me and I was so relieved when she told me that the baby was fine but she
stressed out that I had to take it easy because stress is not good for the baby, when she
asked me if I wanted to see the gender of the baby I refused because I wanted to do it with
the father of my baby present.

She gave me a pitiful look when I left, I didn’t want to be that woman I had to fix my
relationship even it meant going for help because I could see that Busile didn’t like the way
he was he needed someone who was going to lead him in the right direction and that person
had to be me.

Everyone had gone to sleep when Busile arrived he was drunk, not just drunk but kaak
drunk I didn’t like the direction our relationship was taking, it was leading us to a very a
dark place and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength for it. I wondered how he drove to my
place in the state that he was in, he kept telling me that he loved me. I took him to bed and
took off his clothes as soon as his head hit the pillow he fell asleep, he was snoring so loud.
I looked at him and wondered what was going on with him, my consciousness told me to
leave him and the other one told me to help him. I was stuck between a rock and a very
hard place it was really challenging. I eventually fell asleep with my thoughts, I had
nightmares something I last had a very long time ago.

When I woke up the following he was still asleep, he looked so peaceful he almost like the
Busile I was content a few months ago. He stirred looked around then closed his eyes again

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I took the opportunity to go make breakfast for him because he didn’t like it when Mme
made breakfast for him. I made a full breakfast for everyone while mme was still bathing
Sihle. When I woke up I went to wake up but I was surprised to find him on my phone, I
raised my eyebrow and he didn’t even look apologetic that he was on my phone.

“what are you doing on my phone?”

“I am deleting some numbers”

He said putting it down and asked if the breakfast was ready.

“why are you deleting numbers on my phone?”

“since you cannot do it yourself.i told you that I don’t like your friendship nala nkonkoni
(gay person) but what do you do you text him every night, and that ex of yours who is a
rapist”

Where did he get that I never told him about my history with Monde, was he spying on
me?

“Sandile is my friend please stop insulting him and stop being this homophobic arse that
you are”

I said taking my phone but I didn’t reach the door he had already closed it and pinned me
on the door.

“what did you say woman?”

“I said stop being homophobic Busile”

He shook his head in disgust.

“you are lucky because your child is just on the next door but if that wasn’t the case I
would have showed you respect. You lack manners nowadays. Now put on your best smile
breakfast is getting cold”

He left me on the room and went out. I still couldn’t believe this was happening, is the life
I was going to live moving forward? When I got there, I found him feeding Sihle while
playing with her she was laughing, I was scared for my child I knew he wouldn’t hurt but
I wasn’t comfortable with him holding my child. When Sihle saw me, she held out her hands

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for me to take I could see that Busile wasn’t happy with that but this was my child I took
her almost immediately and sat down.

When we were done with breakfast Mme cleared up the dishes while I went upstairs to take
a bath everyone could see that it was tense, normally when Busile was around it was always
laughter and joking around but today it was different. I took Sihle with me I think in a
way I was using her as my shield because I knew that he wouldn’t hurt me with the child
around.

I was done with bathing and making a bed when he got in, he looked at me and I ignored
him.

“Listen babe I am so sorry I know I scared you earlier and I am sorry I really don’t know
what came over me”

This morning?

“Busile you beat me up yesterday like a nobody what you did yesterday was just too much”

He came and stood infront of me.

“I am sorry babe the thing you are too good for me I feel like I don’t deserve you. I am
scared”

I rolled my eyes.

“seriously babe I feel like one of these days you will realise what a fuck I am and leave I
don’t want that baby I love you I love you so much”

“I am not going anywhere I always say this I don’t understand this is so difficult to
understand”

I was angry he was letting his insecurities get in the way of our relationship.

“I know babe I will work on this I promise you I will change”

He smiled and held my hands.

“trust me”

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He said, I chose to trust him. He went to take a shower when he was in the shower he
shouted asking me how did it go with the doctor and just like things were back to normal.
Talking really helps, communication is the key.

Chapter 16

Months were going by fast and if I said things were good between us I would be lying, he
was a weather you never knew which weather condition you were dealing with. Instead of
things getting better they went downhill, it was like I had to tiptoe on eggs around him. I
wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone I wasn’t even allowed to have visitors over at my place,
he insisted I work for him after my maternity leave I agreed because I didn’t have any
strength left on me, we were always fighting. Good times only lasted for few days, I had to
mind what I was saying because I didn’t want to make him angry.

I didn’t want to leave without trying and I didn’t even have anyone to talk to about these
things. I had just come back from the shops because for some reason he only wanted me to
do his groceries back in the days I would have been flattered but now I wasn’t it didn’t feel
like love anymore. When I got back I found him in the kitchen, I knew that look it was the
look that meant I was in trouble. I apologised even though I didn’t know what had done
wrong, he didn’t say anything while I unpacked.

“Minenhle you don’t respect me”

I looked at him, what was he angry for now. He was such an angry person.

“what have I done now Busile”

It was draining really.

“why is your ex calling you?”

I rolled my eyes, he was being ridiculous. How were we supposed to raise our children if
there was no form of communication? When I was done with grocery packaging I went
upstairs to take a shower and he followed me I could literally feel his breath penetrating
through my back that’s how hard he was breathing. He closed the door after me and locked
it I didn’t even mind that I refused to be intimidated by him.

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I took off my clothes as I was preparing to get in the shower this whole time he was sitting
on a chair that was on the corner facing directly at me. I did not make it to the shower door
he hooked my legs and I fell on my back, I didn’t even see him getting up from that chair.
My hand immediately went to my belly I was trying to protect my baby, anything could
happen at this stage I was 7 months pregnant at the time. I tried getting up but he kicked
me on my face normally he would kick everywhere except my belly and my face but that
day he didn’t care at all. I wasn’t crying I was trying to fight for myself but it was useless
because he overpowered me.

He dragged me on the floor to the shower using my braids by now I was crying hysterically
I kept begging him to stop him but my cried fell on deaf ears it was painful I could see the
blood I didn’t even know where the blood was coming from. He looked at me once then his
face changed, he opened water from the shower. If the situation was reversed the water
would have soothed me but the way my body was paining it was like my body was resistant
to the water. He bathed he wasn’t saying anything this whole time, his hands were soft but
I didn’t know they were going to be soft for how long. After he was done he took the towel
and wiped my body. Still he wasn’t talking well I wasn’t going to say anything either I was
tired. After he was done with whatever he motioned for me to get in bed he even opened
the covers for me.

“I need to go to the hospital”

I said quietly I wasn’t feeling any pain and that alone worried me because in a way that
meant maybe I had lost the baby. He nodded, I didn’t even change I just took my gown
and my handbag then followed him to the garage. I was so weak I had no energy the whole
side of my face was red and swollen, I had a massive headache. He kept looking at me the
whole way but not saying anything.

“I am sorry”

That’s all he said before we got in the shower I am sure he just didn’t want his abusive ass
to get arrested. We had to wait for some time before we got in, I was looking down this
whole down when I looked up I saw a couple all cuddled up in a corner looking all lovey
dover I could feel tears in my eyes but I wasn’t going to be that person who cries in public

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with a swollen face. The doctor called us next, Busile held my hand when I got up. the
doctor took one look at me and shook his head. There was that look I hated.

“can I get some privacy with her”

He said looking at Busile, I knew him he was stubborn he wasn’t going to leave but the
doctor didn’t budge either so eventually he left but not before asking me if I was fine. Here
he was trying to play the perfect husband I didn’t understand where that came from. The
doctor looked at me as he put his gloves on.

“mind telling me about your face?”

He asked it was like he was daring me to lie but I wasn’t about to tell him that my boyfriend
was beating me up, luckily Busile didn’t take me to my gynae. He told me to take off my
gown and t-shirt then lie on the bed.

“you know there are people you can talk to”

He wasn’t looking at me when he said this, he was applying some gel on my belly I didn’t
respond. He looked at me briefly.

“you have a little fighter here”

I let out a sigh I was holding this whole time it was sigh of relief.

“I really don’t understand how this is happening but you are one lucky woman, with the
state you are in I expected the worst”

I was really thankful God really works in wonders, he is the God of miracles I was a
testimony. He preached to me about how I needed to get help and not be afraid to speak
because next I wouldn’t be this luck I really don’t know where he got the idea that I was
being beaten, well he wasn’t wrong either. This was a wakeup call for me too any sane
person would get him arrested but I didn’t have any fighting spirit left in me. I was drained.

Busile got in after a while, the doctor had given me so many pamphlets that I was sure I
wasn’t going to use but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful so I took them. The doctor told
him about the condition of the baby.

“she won’t be so lucky next time”

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He said firmly.

“what did the doctor say?”

He asked when we were getting in the car, I didn’t answer. I thought the doctor updated
about the condition of the baby what else did he want to know. I put my safety belt on
then said

“please take me to home”

“But we are going home”

He said sheepishly.

“I mean my home, my house”

I wasn’t going to say anything after that and luckily for me he didn’t argue he took me
home.

Chapter 17

My whole body was in pain luckily the doctor had given me some ointment for my face
when I was at the hospital so after taking a bath I applied. I was planning on spending an
entire day with my daughter so I was grateful when she brought her over to my room and
my breakfast.

I didn’t know kids had a way of healing you until that day, Sihle was playing with her toys
when I looked at her I felt a tear stroking my cheek. She reached up to me and wiped it, it’s
like she was telling me that everything was going to be fine. I had switched my phone off
and dedicated this time on her.

When I switched my phone on later I had tons of missed calls from Busile I didn’t call him
back, I needed a break from him. I even had a missed call well he had demanded that I buy
him a phone the last time he was here his was excuse was he wants to call me whenever he
wants to of course that won me over. I called him back well he hardly ever called although
the phone was bought to check up on me.

“I miss you mom, when are you visiting us”

I had accepted that he doesn’t greet.

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“I miss you too my baby I will visit soon”

I wasn’t planning to visit home but I needed to I realised then that I had to go home I
needed the peace.

I spent the rest of that week at home I could tell Mme was surprised well she is the kind of
woman who minds her own business, she didn’t even ask what was going on I liked her she
knew her place. Busile still hadn’t stopped calling and sending flowers to my place. Here is
the thing with rich people they think money and expensive things can solve everything
sadly for me I was used to all those things so they didn’t work on me. this one day thought
I got a call from his mother scolding me about how I had taken his son back into that dark
place he had gotten out of.

“I asked you Minenhle if you would be there for my son and you said yes”

I rolled my eyes, he has stooped that low now he runs to his mother so she can fight his
battles.

“uyinkukhu esikwe umlomo ngoku (you can’t speak now)”

“what do you want me to say mah?”

“don’t go back on your word help my son, he needs help. He is a recovering alcoholic so I
don’t want him to go back to that place”

“only he can help himself”

After that I dropped myself, out of all the people I could fall in love with I had to choose
him what is even worse is the pregnancy, that ties me to him forever. I need to stop getting
pregnant for every guy I am in a relationship with it paints me with a bad name.

I was disturbed by the knock on the door, Mme had gone to the shops I wondered who was
that. I took my baby and went to check the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I got to
the door. Musa is last person I expected to see I last saw him in hospital, I was surprised.
He smiled apologetically, him and I were close before the saga but after I found out that he
knew I didn’t even want to hear from them. I cut them off. Sihle was obviously very happy
to see her uncle he took her while I let him in.

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“I am sorry to come uninvited like this”

I smiled.

“it’s okay, I will make you something to eat so long please get comfortable”

I said going to the kitchen.

“your house is very stunning”

I thanked him as I gave him his sandwich.

“want me to give you a tour?”

“of course, how can I say no, I really didn’t believe him when he said you have such a
gigantic house you know he exaggerates everything”

I laughed.

“I had to get out of his house sooner or later”

Mme got in while we were still talking, she said she was going to start with the pots while I
showed Musa around, she took Lihle.

“how are you?”

That is so random, there is something about this question when it is asked by someone who
you can clearly see that he cares about you, you feel like pouring it all telling them
everything but this time around I chose to go for the easy part. “I am fine”.

We somehow found ourselves in the balcony and chilled there overlooking Auckland park.

“you know I have been meaning to apologise”

I looked at him I knew exactly what he was talking about and to be honest I was over it. I
forgave Monde so that means automatically I forgave him too.

“I know I am really over that Musa I mean I forgave your brother the one who did bad
here and it is not your fault. I couldn’t expect you to go against your brother and tell me”

He rubbed his face

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“this has been eating me for a long time and I hate that we are no longer a family because
of the secret I was part of I mean maybe if we had told you earlier situation would have
turned out differently”

“don’t blame yourself Musa that chapter is closed so it’s best we move on from it because I
have”

He smiled.

“you have such a beautiful heart you know”

This was the first time someone had told me that it sure was a compliment.

“anyway, enough about me how is it at home, how is the wife?”

“she is alright we are fine. We are so happy I fear ruining things”

“how are you going to ruin things?”

He turned and looked at me it’s like he feared what he was about to tell me.

“I have a child”

Oh, that I remember Monde telling me about it.

“I have a child that I have been hiding for years, he is 6 years now and she can’t get kids”

“when did you get this child?”

“when we got in a relationship, my ex was already pregnant so I didn’t tell her because I
was scared of losing her I mean we had just started”

This is a lot.

“this is a lot I mean this means you kept a secret this whole time you had been in a
relationship with her”

“I really don’t know how can I get about telling her this”

“just tell her the longer you keep the secret the worst it gets”

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I didn’t understand men and keeping secrets, I mean if he had told her right when he found
out it would have been fine, their relationship was still raw she would have understood but
he had to go and drag this whole thing. I felt sorry for him because this can go downhill.

“but she loves you will get through it”

“you also loved Monde but look at you two now”

I laughed

“come on Musa it’s not the same, you will get through it but just tell her Musa secrets ruin
things you have a good thing going on”

We spoke some more before Mme called us and told us that the food was ready, what would
I be without her? Nothing. The table was laid out already.

“I promise you I will visit your place more often I am getting spoilt here”

I had missed him.

Chapter 17

I finally picked Busile’s calls he was becoming a nuisance I wasn’t ready to forgive I wasn’t
even sure if I wanted to carry on with this relationship. I was going to lose my child over
this, it was toxic he wasn’t healthy for me. I needed to put my child first even if that meant
ending the relationship.

“I have been attending some therapy sessions I am trying to change baby for you and our
child”

That is nice I guess.

“you need to change for yourself Busile not because you feel obliged to, this is your life”

He kept quiet for a while.

“I am sorry”

This one hardly ever apologise he never admits his wrongs.

“I know you are but that doesn’t mean I am ready to have you back in my life. I love you
but I am not prepared to lose what is precious over this”

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“can I come and see you”

I kept quiet.

“please I miss my child (I rolled my eyes at that) it’s been a week Minenhle this silent
treatment has gone for too long”

“fine you can come over”

He sighed a sigh of relief.

“I am on my way”

I don’t know when I had become so weak it was like Busile had put a spell on me, I loved
him too much. He had done terrible things to me but atleast he was trying to get help I
mean that was the most selfless thing he can ever do.

You are on my mind I hope you are fine

I sent that text to Sandile I had missed him, I really missed him he was one person who
never got tired of me and listened to my problems he was basically there for me all the time
when I needed him. he didn’t answer, I wasn’t surprised.

Busile came a bit later he was drunk not just drunk but kaak drunk, I was so disappointed
I thought he was trying to make things work. He slept in my bed because I couldn’t kick
him out in that state but Sihle and I had go and sleep in the spare bedroom. I couldn’t sleep
that night my thoughts made it hard for me to sleep. In between my thoughts I had to
decide as much as it was hard for me but a decision had to be made.

I found him having breakfast he had taken a bath even looking all fresh, he eyed me when
I emerged.

“Good morning babe”

He said while I dished out for myself, I gave him a simple nod.

“I am sorry for what happened yesterday”

“that’s all you do lately apologise, don’t you get tired of your own apologies?”

He did not answer. We both ate in awkward silence.

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He showed no sign of leaving he hardly ever spent a day at my place so I was a bit surprised.
He was busy trying to be a perfect boyfriend I think. He surprised when he told me to take
a bath as he had a surprise for me.

“I don’t trust you and surprised for all I know you could be taking me somewhere to kill
me”

“wow you sure can hurt a person who is trying Minenhle”

I shrugged.

“well I booked you in a spa I think you could do with a break and a massage”

Now that he mentions it I really needed it but I wasn’t about to seem too excited about it.

“ooh”

“yes baby now please go take a bath yevha mntuwam”

……………………………

After I was done taking a bath I opted for a long maternity dress, I had undone my braids
so I let my hair loose then wore slides with. They were a bit comfortable. I went to check
on my baby before we left.

“why are you being so nice?”

“you are really mean today, is it the hormones?”

“No Busile it’s not hormones it’s you. I don’t even know how long this is going to last before
you burst again I must watch even the way I move around you. I am not comfortable
around you”

He held my hand.

“I admit babe I have issues I was serious about attending therapy sessions I don’t like this
man I have become. I really don’t think I deserve you”

“so, you think beating me up is the solution?”

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“i know you will get tired of my apologies but I will keep making it up to you nothing will
take away those scars I left in your heart but Mamsholozi I hope one day you will find it in
your heart to forgive me”

I looked outside the window the weather was changing it was becoming chilly.

“how far is this place?”

I asked looking at him he smiled I couldn’t help but smile back, all the doubts I had earlier
were forgotten.

The place was just outside Jozi it was secluded from everything I don’t even know how he
found it but it that calm aura around it that made you feel at peace. He had booked the
whole place perks of being rich I didn’t even know one can do such a thing. We were treated
like royalty, they were already waiting for us when we arrived I didn’t know he was joining
me too I mean I am the one who was hurting here not him but I wasn’t about to be in a spa
all alone I’m not crazy.

“I really needed that, thank you”

He did not say anything he just smiled. I hate love.

The rest of that week was perfect but I couldn’t help but wonder how long would this las,
I had learnt that with him one can never be comfortable. This was such a relationship.

We were having a date night, his idea I can’t even remember the last time we had a date
night. I decided to go all out make up and everything even with the pregnancy he had to
see that I was still the bomb. I refused to let pregnancy make me a granny I took care of
myself. I wore a long black tight dress which was flowy at the bottom not tight as in
uncomfortable tight as in oh look at me I am pregnant but sexy kind of tight, I paired the
dress with some nude heels here is one thing I like about nude is that it goes with almost
everything I then put on my gold necklace. My red lipstick made my face stand out I liked
how I look. Busile arrived after a while looking dashing himself.

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He had made a reservation for two, the restaurant was chilled with some jazz music playing
on the background, the setting was just out of this world. Being in a relationship is not so
bad after all if I was going to get this treatment every now and then who am I to stand in
the way of what God has put together.

It was a weekend and Busile had to go home he went home every month it was a tradition
and I wasn’t going with him as much as he begged I wasn’t going. I drove him to the airport.
On my way back, I decided to go to Sandiles place he was probably going to kick me out
but hey one had to try I missed our friendship. I have lost many things in life I couldn’t
lose him too. He was too precious to me.

When I got there I was welcomed by his boyfriend at the door he smiled and hugged me
when I got in.

“you look so pregnant”

I laughed

“that’s because I am pregnant”

“who is there baby?”

Sandile shouted from somewhere in the room, his boyfriend did not answer instead he just
gave me an apologetic look and went to inform him that I was there.

When he emerged from wherever he was at he already had an attitude, wow such an
attitude for not calling for few months he sure can be dramatic.

“what do you want Minenhle”

He is not even going to offer something to eat or anything.

“be nice babe”

His boyfriend said through gritted teeth, I sat down I wasn’t about to stand like a stranger
in his house. He huffed and sat down opposite me.

“I will make you two something to eat?”

Finally, someone has some manners in this house.

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“what do you want Minenhle?”

He asked again.

“I miss you my friend”

He rolled his eyes.

“You don’t get to play with people’s feelings like that, you sent me a message telling me to
leave you alone and now you are the one telling me that you miss me. please don’t
contradict yourself”

A message?

“what message are you talking about?”

“stop playing dumb here, I don’t really have to beg to be in your life you made it clear that
you don’t need”

I was so lost I didn’t even know what he was talking about

“now Minenhle please leave my place”

“Sandile you are chasing me out of your place? This is me Sandile please don’t do this”

I couldn’t believe that I was literally begging him to be my friend again.

“I am doing exactly what you did to me you chased me out of your life”

I was speechless, I took my handbag and got up when I looked at him he just raised his
eyebrow. I left.

This was so hurting I had pushed everyone away, I had no one in my life. Sandile was that
one friend everyone needed in life I didn’t know what I would do without him. I needed
him but I guess I did this on myself. I don’t understand why Busile was so hellbent on the
idea of me having friend. The only haven I ever had was gone.

Its Monde’s birthday tomorrow, please come.

I was surprised when I got that message from Musa I had even forgotten that it was
Monde’s birthday not that there was anything I would have done about that but it was like
I had lost touch of everything that was going on around me including my memory. I called

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Musa and he begged me to come around. I agreed I really needed to be around people and
besides what Busile doesn’t know won’t kill him.

…………………..

We were ready when Musa fetched us he was still that person who treated me like a baby
because I was pregnant. I am starting to think that Sihle loves her father’s family more
than me the way she gets so happy when she sees them.

“I did not buy any gift”

I didn’t want to feel out of place when everyone gives him a gift.

“you there with Sihle will be more than enough”

“how is he?”

“he is not good we are making this party to cheer him but he hasn’t been doing well ever
since the divorce. Imagine being married to someone for so many years and raising kids
together only to find that she was taking you for a fool all these years”

Women are masters of cheating I can guarantee you that.

“that is awful”

“he blames himself for this whole thing, he thinks this is God punishing him for what he
did to you”

Well.

“I hope this party will be the best for him, he can’t mop around forever he needs to move
on and not dwell on his past”

He smiled

“you need to tell him that”

When we got there Simphiwe was already waiting for us, she welcomed us with such warm
hands this was awkward for me because I haven’t been good to her. Maybe I am selfish
don’t treat people good at all.

“Sihle come to aunty”

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I passed Sihle to her.

“I will take her to where the kids are at”

Which kids? But I didn’t ask. I followed Musa in and decided to go to the kitchen while he
went to join his brothers. I found Simphiwe and three other ladies I didn’t know, she
introduced me to them. They were nice they let me in on what they were talking about but
I didn’t bother memorising their names it’s not like I was going to see them anywhere again.

After a while the big brother called everyone in, I noticed that this was more of an intimate
thing and it worked for because I didn’t like being around people anyway. Monde was so
surprised when he saw I guess they didn’t tell him that I was coming. I didn’t know whether
it was a good thing or not, he kept looking at me while his brother was introducing
everything. We sang to him, the way I hate those singing moments in a birthday party but
hey this wasn’t my party.

“hey pregnant person”

I had just finished answering a call from Busile outside when he came out. I turned and
smiled.

“I am a pregnant person now huh?”

He laughed.

“I would say you are huge but I don’t to be at a receiving end of your wrath”

“my hormones are going easy on me this time around so you are safe”

he sighed and looked at me.

“I didn’t think you would be at my party”

“I also didn’t think I would be at your party until yesterday”

He sighed

“my sneaky little brother I sort of mentioned that in passing”

“Happy Birthday”

I said hugging him, he held on a bit longer.

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“let’s get in before everyone start wondering where we at”

He said after breaking the hug off. I followed him in and I have to say the party was good
I can’t even remember the last time I was around people.

Later, when I had to leave I went to Musa to inform him but Monde insisted on taking us
home. Sihle was sleeping so he had to carry him to the car while I said my goodbyes to
everyone.

“I am glad you are back in our family”

I found Monde already in his car, he started the car when I got in I could feel some slight
pain on my lower belly I ignored the pain but it was getting worse. My phone buzzed
signalling an incoming call I just switched it off I wasn’t in the mood of Busile’s antics.
When we got home, Monde took the child to her room I went to drink some water I knew
that drinking cold water is not safe but I had to I thought it would numb the pain.

“she is asleep”

He said getting in, I was facing the counter with my head bent down on the counter.

“where is Mme?”

He said opening the fridge this one thinks this house is his, I looked at him and kept quiet
I was rubbing my belly trying to numb the pain but it was so difficult. He drank some
water and looked at me.

“I think I should leave”

I just nodded.

“are you Ok”

I breathed oh dear what was going on I was not even on 9 months yet so there was no way
I was going into labour.

“I….”

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Instead of the answer I was hoping to give him I let out some painful moan, he rushed to
my side.

“Minz”

“please take me to hospital Monde I don’t feel so good”

The pain was becoming unbearable, I was brushing my belly this whole time I couldn’t
even stand still. He helped to his car after making sure that Mme was up, I needed Busile
here but he was on the other side of the country. He kept telling me that everything will be
okay.

Chapter 18

Monde

Minenhle wasn’t even crying anymore she was just moaning in pain she had her eyes closed
I kept looking over at her, as much as I wanted to keep my eyes on the road I couldn’t I
was worried about her. Her arse of a boyfriend wasn’t even worried when I called him all
he cared about what was I doing at her place, it didn’t help that I never liked him from the
word go so I wasn’t about to explain myself to him. Musa was convinced that I was jealous
but something was off about the guy but I wasn’t about to ruin her relationship she
deserved better and as far as I am concerned anyone who is not me is better for her. I took
her hand and she squeezed it for dear life as much as it was painful but the feel of her skin
made the pain bearable.

When we got to the hospital she was rushed to the emergency room and I was told to wait
outside, it was in the middle of the night so I couldn’t exactly call her aunt surely, she was
sleeping. I informed Musa about my whereabouts, I wanted to keep busy the wait was
killing me. I texted Sandile, I basically texted everyone I thought would care except her
aunt she deserved a call.

This waiting brought me back to the night she found out I had raped her, I waited like this
at the hospital I knew that it was over between the two of us but I still had some hope. For
the first time in my life after my parents had passed away I prayed like really prayed giving
my all to God I wouldn’t be able to live with myself should she have lost our child. What
would have happened to her that day would have been my fault, I brought nothing but

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heartache into her life when all she ever did was love me. I had fallen really hard for her, I
loved her more than anything in my life. I shouldn’t have gone to that party in my state.

“they are no more” Masande said to me, I hated that he appeared so strong when he told me this,
that was my worst nightmare. I didn’t cry for days but the reality was sinking in everyone in the
family was worried about me, so on a Friday night a day before my parent’s funeral I disappeared
and went to some party my friend had hosted my aim was to get drunk and not care about anything
in this world. I wasn’t ready for their funeral. When I got there I was half sober, I noticed this
girl that was with her friends you could see that she was not used to these kind of scenes I wondered
why she was there in the first place. “she is beautiful, isn’t she?” I nodded but did not keep my
eyes away from her. For a moment I wasn’t thinking about my parent’s funeral but my heart was
filled with hope, I wasn’t sure what I felt for her but I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She didn’t
even look my way I needed her to look at me but she didn’t. I decided to stop looking at her I
didn’t want to appear creepy. I enjoyed the party only because she was there, she didn’t do
anything she didn’t have to do anything.

I saw her leaving by now I was really drunk but I couldn’t let her walk alone, I looked to see if
her friends were following her but none of them were. I followed her she was walking faster and
I had to keep up my pace for me to get to her when I finally did I don’t know what consumed me
the next thing I was kissing her and she was fighting me. I ……………

Someone tapped my shoulder when I looked up it was the doctor, she was smiling at me
which meant everything was fine. I couldn’t believe how much I had drifted away with my
thoughts, she told me to follow her for some reason they thought I was the father. Well.
She was holding the baby smiling, she was a miracle baby who came before her time. she
looked up at me I could see the disappointment in her eyes when she saw that it was just
me I won’t lie that stabbed my heart. I guess she was hoping to see her boyfriend. She
quickly wiped the disappointment in her eyes with a smile and told me to come and see the
baby before they take her away. She didn’t have to invite me twice I walked over to her,
she was tiny which reminded me of the day Sihle was born except that time she didn’t want
me anywhere near her.

When they were taking the baby away from her she thanked me it took everything from
me not to hug her there and then. She was a beautiful mess, I let her sleep. She had a smile
on her face she was content, I was happy.
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I was surprised to get the call from the hospital then I remembered that I had put my
number as the next of kin when I filled in her forms. They told me to rush to the hospital,
something was wrong I knew it. I asked Musa to drive to Mandeni to pick Minz’ family as
I rushed to the hospital. When I got there I was surprised, the doctor called me to her office.

“I am sorry to inform you this Mr Mbatha but we have lost the baby”

I couldn’t believe my ears “we have lost the baby” that loss word was familiar and I didn’t
like the sound of it. I had no response the first person that popped in my mind was
Minenhle, that smile she had before falling asleep yesterday.

“have….have you told her yet?”

“no we wanted to inform you first she had been medicated but she should be up anytime
from now, you can tell her if you want to or …”

“I will tell her”

I don’t know what difference it would have made but I felt the need to tell her I was
suddenly overprotective of her, maybe it would be better if she gets the news from me. this
was such a huge responsibility now I had to tell douchebag of a boyfriend too.

I found her trying to get up from her bed, I quickly rushed to her side and helped her up.

“where is Busile?”

“he hasn’t gotten back to me yet”

That disappointment was back.

“I need my phone she needs to hear exciting news from me”

“where are you going?”

She was still trying to get off the bed.

“I am going to see my baby”

I made her sit down, this was becoming even harder than I had imagined. She gave me an
inquisitive look.

“I need to tell you something”

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I took a sit opposite her and held her hands.

“can’t it wait, I need to check if my baby is okay”

Oh, Minenhle I hate the fact that I will be the source of your unhappiness again. I closed
my eyes I didn’t want to see the look in her eyes when I tell her this.

“we have lost the baby”

She laughed and got up from her bed going straight to the door.

“this is no time for your jokes Monde, come let’s go see the baby im sure she is wondering
where is her mother”

I got up from the chair and went to where she was standing. I touched her on her shoulders.

“she is gone Minenhle”

She shook her head in annoyance.

“Monde how can you lie about something like this, don’t you want to see me happy huh?
Leave me alone I am going to see my baby”

She got out of the ward and went to the other side leaving my heart in pieces.

Chapter 19

Minenhle

I never thought I would be here mourning the loss of my child not in my wildest dreams
did I think that this will happen. It didn’t help that Busile was blaming me, he came to the
hospital a day after I had lost the baby and blaming me for killing his child. His exact
words were “you were busy partying up all night with your ex and you killed my child. I
will never forgive you for this Minenhle”.

People tell you to be strong but how can you can be strong when everything is falling apart
when you don’t have even one fibre that is strong in your body. Losing a child is the worst
pain one ever can go through. Every time I think about her I think of that moment I held
her in my arms, the love I felt for her. The bond we had, the kicks and everything.

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It has been a month but it still hurt like it happened a week ago, sometimes I swear I hear
her cry but when I go to her nursery I am always welcomed by the emptiness of it. I was
disturbed by someone barging on my door, I looked up and it was Busile. I was drained I
didn’t need him adding on the stress I had, Mme had gone to the park with Sihle. i looked
at him not saying anything and he also did not say anything.

“Busile what do you want?”

“you know Minenhle I will never forgive you for this. I hate you”

I flinched but I didn’t want him to see me at my weakest moments.

“tell me something I don’t know”

“how do you live with yourself knowing that you killed your child”

That’s when I lost it

“listen here you coward! You know why I lost my baby huh? I lost the baby because of
your beatings your countless beatings. You beat me to a pulp, what did you think would
happen of cause it was bound to happen but you don’t see me walking around blaming
everyone to get over my guilt. You know very well that this is your doing, I should have
left when I had the chance.” I said the last part more to myself than anyone.

He rubbed his hands and looked away.

“now if you can do me a favour please leave this home and never come back, I am tired of
your insults. Get out of that door and never look back”

He looked at me one more time then left, after he had left I broke down that was the first
I had cried after losing my angel, I cried for my loss, I cried for staying in an abusive
relationship when I should have left, I cried for tolerating bullshit and then I forgave
myself.

I went upstairs to her nursery i took out her clothes I don’t know what I was planning on
doing with them but as soon as I touched them I couldn’t. I cried, I was taking her clothes
out of her emergency bag as I was doing that I kept crying. It was difficult, there really is
no time frame for getting over the loss of your child. I sat on the floor hugging on of the
teddy bears I had bought at toy R us. I heard the door creaking open slowly but I didn’t

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look up but I knew who it was. One person who had been with me through it all I was
feeling guilty because I hadn’t been there for him when his divorce happened. I felt like I
didn’t deserve his kindness. He sat next to me and didn’t say anything.

“how are you?”

He said after a while. I kept quiet registering his question. How was i? I was broken, I was
hurt, I was hurting, I was…. The list was just endless.

“I am okay”

That is the safe answer that everyone always says when someone asks them how they are.

“you don’t seem okay to me”

I laughed a bit, he smiled.

“how does okay look like?”

“okay looks happy, it doesn’t look like the emotions you are trying to hide. Come on Minnie
it’s just me look at me”

I turned and he wiped my tears, that gesture alone just opened for more tears he took me
into his arms I sobbed. I wish this pain could just fade away.

“he hates me Monde”

He kept quiet and brushed my back.

“he blames me for her death, he said he will never forgive me”

“such a douchebag, a jerk where do you find them Minnie”

I laughed in between tears.

“you mean yourself included?”

He laughed too.

“well, I guess you can say that”

“I don’t know”

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“Minz don’t blame yourself these things happen, I know you are asking yourself why you?
But if not you then who. You are strong Minz you will get past this and you can cry this
pain out, you are allowed to grieve. There is no timeframe. We are all here for you okay, we
lo uhm care for you”

“thank you”

Honestly that’s all I could say at that moment.

Chapter 19

“here is your breakfast mommy”

I opened my eyes.

“perfect breakfast in bed for a perfect mommy”

Lihle was standing on the doorway with a tray full of breakfast, I smiled at him.

“all this for me?”

He laughed and put the tray next to me.

“it’s Mother’s Day mommy don’t tell me you forgot”

Honestly, I had forgotten all about that. That was very thoughtful of him, I knew Mme
helped him with the breakfast but I wasn’t complaining at all like he said I deserved to be
spoilt.

“where is your sister?”

They were inseparable I was surprised he was alone, ever since Sihle started walking she is
always following her brother around. The way she cries when Lihle leaves breaks my heart
but Lihle is granny’s child what can we say.

“granny is bathing her”

He joined me and we had our breakfast with him telling me about his school and the girl
he had a crush on. Honestly, I didn’t want him grow up.

A lot can happen in a year, getting over your breakup, mourning the loss of your baby,
getting a promotion at work, buying yourself a car to being happy and content. A year ago,

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I didn’t think I would be here today but here I was breathing and happy. Single and content
oh and alive. I was done with men I just missed sex though a year and some months of
starvation is not a joke.

Sandile and I fixed thing and once again we were inseparable, Monde had a girlfriend that
I didn’t like but at least he was happy. Sandile insisted we go out as much as I wanted to
spend the day with my family so here we were at Spur with my family including Mme and
Sandile’s boyfriend. After that we were treated to a Spa by the boys of which Sandile
insisted on joining because he is the Godmother so he too deserve a treat to a Mother’s Day
outing.

Later that day I was welcomed by dead roses which I was told that they were dropped by
Busile, such a nerve he had to even drop them personally. I tossed them on the bin but
what was written on the card caught my eye this would have been a perfect Mother’s Day for
you if you had not killed my baby girl I wasn’t even hurt by those words I just saw that the
guy was delusional.

I somehow found myself at Busile’s place not that I wanted to confront him about dead
roses but i somewhere felt like he was going through the most, well maybe I also wanted to
know about dead roses. He was once a special person in my life I loved him with all I have
but circumstances were against us.

Chapter 20

Busile

I was surprised to see Minenhle’s car at my gate I wondered what she was doing there, I
didn’t know what I was thinking sending her those dead roses because deep in me I know
it’s my fault she lost our child but to see how happy she was like she had forgotten about
our child brought some sadness I cannot describe in my heart I wanted her also to feel the
pain I was feeling. I was selfish, I am selfish I will forever be selfish. I loved that woman I
will always love her I have never felt like that with any woman in my life not even with
Buhle’s mother. Others call it obsession I call it love.

I looked at her as she got out of her car she looked beautiful but she had lost weight again
I guess I was wrong she wasn’t as happy as she made everyone else to believe. She looked

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at me, she had that look about her that I cannot put in paper the look like you are naked
in her eyes she can see right through you. I looked away I was ashamed.

“Hey”

She said after a while, I don’t even know why she had such a good heart. I nodded I didn’t
need her to see me at my weakest moments.

“what do you want?”

She blinked the pain that was written in her eyes away.

“how are you?”

This is the first time anyone had asked me how I am I don’t even know myself how I am. I
am alone, I am empty, I am angry, I am ashamed, I am hurting, I am…. The list goes on
but if anything, I am not good and I will never be good but how can I tell her that without
being described as a weak man, my father always told me well the little I know about him
is that a man never shows his emotions, he told me that the only way to get your anger out
is through beating something anything. He was a boxer.

“Okay”

She looked at me again. That look. I invited her inside when she got in that gate I told
myself that I was going to chase her out but now that she is her again I am letting my soft
side take over my father would be so ashamed of me. For a long time I never allowed my
feelings to control me but with her it was different she followed me.

“I thought I should check up on you”

I don’t deserve her, I mean this person not so long ago I sent her dead roses with a note I
don’t even want to think about.

“thank you”

“Busile you know it’s okay not to be okay”

Maybe but that is not what I was told growing up.

“I know”

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“so, tell me how do you feel”

Somethings never change.

She laughed, oh I said that out loud. Seeing her laugh somehow brought up a smile that I
didn’t know was still there.

“ice cream?”

She got me addicted to ice cream whenever I was feeling some type of way, sometimes when
we were going through something or after a heated argument she would take a tub of ice
cream in her world ice cream solved everything I don’t understand who told her that but
in a way, I always feel better too after indulging on some ice cream. That was before things
took a left turn between us. Again, my fault.

She nodded. I took a tub and two spoons then we went to the cinema, I miss her.

She sat down and I sat next to her. For some reason we were both not in a mood for a movie
but I felt right being in there. After some comfortable silence I spoke.

“I feel like I owe it to you, you know to tell you how I grew up”

She looked at me probably wondering why I brought that up. I owed it to her, her out of
everyone she deserved to know.

“wait let me talk first?”

I sighed, whatever she wanted to let out of his chest was not goo.

“you know Busile I loved you hell I still do but the way you are treating me is really not
good, I don’t appreciate it. you treated me like trash and you still do, what did I ever do to
you?”

Hell, I did not expect that one.

“it’s not what you did it’s me you have problems here, deep down I knew that it wasn’t
your fault I …. I ….”

I don’t know why I was suddenly getting emotional.

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“I don’t deserve you, I felt like at some point that you will see your worth and that I don’t
deserve you I”

I was suddenly tongue tied she got next to me and gave me a hug I can’t believe I was
crying I never cry, I kept apologising to her.

“I am sorry”

She kept quiet and hugged me it’s all I ever needed.

“you know I grew up in a broken home, my father was a boxer he believed in punching
things that’s what he instilled in me too. He believed he owned my mother and she was a
submissive woman. She would beat her up whenever she stood up to him and then call me
and say look that’s what happens when someone doesn’t listen, woman are made for us to own
them they owe it to us to do whatever we say at that time I was only two years old (she flinched)
whenever he beat my mother up and make me watch I wasn’t allowed to cry his famous
words a man doesn’t cry, he was grooming me to be a well-respected man that way no one
would take advantage of me. I remember this one time my mother was sick and my father
asked for food in that state she couldn’t cook and I told my father that it’s fine I will cook”

I noticed that she was crying part of me wanted to stop but also, I wanted her to know this
was no excuse for beating her up but she just deserved to know.

“my father told me that I was allowing women to take control of me I was allowing my
feeling to get in the way, I stopped he was my hero I wanted to prove to him that I am a
man too but I loved my mom too so I said no I will cook. He got up from the couch he was
so angry he went straight to where my mother was cooking and (I closed my eyes thinking
about that moment) he beat her up so bad I went to him and got in between them but he
was too strong for me. that is the day I watched my mother die she died in my hands, in a
way I felt like it was my fault because if I had stopped and listen to my father my mother
would be alive. He did not want my food he wanted my mother’s food”

She was quiet for a moment.

“what happened to your father?”

I looked at her straight in her eyes

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“he killed himself”

She flinched again. She was still crying. I took her hands in mine I never talked about I
didn’t realise how emotional it would make me but I was finally free. Free from the chains
that were holding me.

“you know what is frustrating about is that, you saw what happened to your mother and
yet you did the same thing to me and not just me Busile”

She said after a while

“you would be so satisfied about beating me up like you were proud of yourself, is that what
you are? Are you your father, was that you following on your hero’s footsteps”?

I don’t know. I kept quiet I had no answer.

“answer me this please, do you want Buhle to be like you?”

“no of course not”

“Buhle does everything you do he follows in your footsteps in his eyes you are his hero so
if he knows that you beat women that is what he will do. Busile how would you feel if you
had a daughter and your daughter came to you and said daddy my boyfriend beat me up”

I was now crying.

“tell me how you feel one if your daughter came to you and said daddy I was in hospital
because my husband beat me up, I lost my child because my husband beat me up”

I buried my face in her chest and cried

“Minenhle please stop you are hurting me”

She did not stop

“how would you feel Busile if one-day your son Buhle came to you and said daddy please
help me I killed my wife I was beating her and accidentally killed her?”

I kept shaking my head asking her to stop.

She asked this with tears rolling down her eyes

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“how would you feel to find that your son killed himself because he couldn’t be man enough
and own up to his mistakes huh? Tell me Busile I want to know”

“please stop please Minenhle I get it”

She cried so horribly.

“you hurt me Busile I don’t even know if I will ever trust a man or love anyone ever again”

“i can’t even describe how sorry I am Minenhle I really am”

She got up and I got up with her.

“break this cycle Busile, this ends with you. Fix this”

She was gone.

It ends with me.

Chapter 21

Minenhle

When I got home I slept, going to Busile’s place helped it did me some good to my mind I
didn’t realise how much I needed closure until that moment. that chapter was closed, it was
a book I wasn’t willing to open ever again.

Joy comes in the morning and troubles don’t last always. I was at the point in my life where
I was content I didn’t depend on anyone for happiness it came within me. it was radiating
throughout my veins, storms don’t last always. They do shake our lives a bit and turn it
upside down but one thing about them they never last.

This was somehow a strange day for me I woke up feeling some type of way I can’t describe
I could feel that something was just off. I called everyone at home to check if they were
good and they were all fine so I figured it was just my paranoia getting to me. it was a
sunny Saturday a month after my confrontation with Busile, in Joburg around that time
of the year you must be grateful when you get the sun because their winter is drastically
cold.

I decided on running some errands since I wasn’t working that day, so I was at Woolworths
paying debit orders and everything. Side note; next year resolution no more credit cards. I

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felt him so I looked around and yes it was him and he was with her and that didn’t sit well
with me. I don’t even understand why it made me feel that way. He saw me and I looked
away. I felt someone tapping me on my shoulder.

“hey”

He was all smiles looking happy, I guess love does that to you. I looked at him and nodded.

“this is my girlfriend”

Pretty but I still don’t like her, she put her hand out for a shake and I looked at it. Monde
nudged me on the shoulder.

“what?”

“don’t be rude”

I smiled at the girl that I didn’t even catch her name.

“I am sorry I have a lot going on, it’s nice meeting you”

“no it’s fine we all have one of those days, you are so beautiful hey I love your skin what
do you put on”

She is very talkative.

“thank you”

After some awkward talks they left, I don’t like it when I am jealous I am not that person.

For some reason Monde called me while I was about to get out of the parking lot since I
wasn’t driving I answered.

“how do you do?”

“I am all good, why are you calling you just saw me an hour ago”

“are you ok, you seemed a bit off”

“I am fine I wasn’t off and you really didn’t really have to introduce me to your girlfriend”

“can I come to your place tomorrow”

“no, I think you have to be with your girlfriend”

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He laughed

“are you jealous?”

“Monde please get over yourself”

I dropped the call and drove home. I was welcomed by Sihle’s I swear those are the best
moments to find her home looking like she was missing her mother, I really don’t want her
to grow up. kids nowadays are growing up too fast, soon she will be telling me about a boy
that broke her heart.

When Monde arrived, I was making lunch for myself since Mme and Sihle were sleeping
now I had no choice but to make one for him too. He came and stood right next to me he
had this smile on his face that he couldn’t wipe.

“you look rather happy”

“you know I didn’t know you still loved me”

I raised my eyebrow.

“and who told you that?”

“you didn’t even have to, your actions says it all”

“oh”

He looked no actually he stared right into my eyes, I hate it when he does that because I
feel exposed like he can read my thoughts or something. I looked away and asked him what
he would drink.

“you know her and I are over”

“oh”

“yes, it was no point lying to her when I know very well where my heart belongs”

“oh really?”

He came to where I was standing next to the fridge, put the bottle I had and put it back on
the fridge then held me my hands.

“listen to me”

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For some reason my hands were shaking, he squeezed them.

“it’s you it’s always been you, we tried lying to ourselves but we both know where out
hearts belong. My heart belongs to you I love you so much it hurts”

“love shouldn’t hurt”

He laughed.

“please don’t disturb me I am still being cheesy here. it’s you Minenhle I want to spend my
rest of my life when I imagine my future I don’t see it with anyone else but you. Please take
me back”

He blinked and released a huge sigh so he was holding his breath this whole time. He took
my face in his hands and looked into my eyes while his thumb was brushing my cheeks I
felt my lips parting. Quietly he said, “can I kiss you?” I nodded. My voice was gone I
suddenly didn’t have the urge to talk anymore the moment his cold lips touched mine I felt
chills down my spine. I still love him. I never stopped.

We had been in our own bubble, we were so happy I was scared it would burst any minute
but that is all that mattered our happiness. I now believe that there are people who are just
meant to be. I believe in fate.

We were invited to Sandile’s party well more like I was invited because he did not know
that we had been together and it had been a week but no one around us knew well except
Mme. I couldn’t wait to see his face when I break the news to him, it still feels surreal even
to me I just find it hard to believe.

“did you think we would be here”

I asked him as we were getting ready to leave.

“not in my wildest dream I had given up actually I thought you resented me”

I laughed.

“don’t laugh you were so mean to me Minz, I kept whining about you to my brothers and
you were moving on. you were happy”

If only he knew.

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“I wasn’t mean”

When we got to the party it was jammed already everyone had cups in their hands Monde
held my hand when we got in and smiled at me. Sandile spotted us first and came to us. He
made a face when he saw our hands.

“I invited you not him”

“please be nice Sandile”

“I will go find the boys”

He kissed me on the cheek and left. Sandile looked at me with a disgusted face.

“come here”

He led me down the corridor away from the buzz.

“and then that rapist, what is he doing here?”

“stop calling her that”

He rolled his eyes.

“Why Him?”

I looked at him talking to the boys when our eyes met I saw it I saw the connection we’ve
always had.

“I love him”

I said smiling looking at him.

“well I always knew you were going to get back together with that rapist”

“stop calling him that!”

I was still laughing at what Sandile was saying when we heard a gunshot.

“what’s happening?”

Someone was shouting, we didn’t know also what was happening we were all down I looked
around and I couldn’t see Monde.

“Monde!”

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I was panicking, what just happened. Lord I can’t lose him like this, I said in a silent prayer.

After a while guys all got in laughing and there he was also laughing.

“you guys are not funny you know”

He came to me still laughing.

“are you okay my love I heard you shouting my name”

“what kind of a sick joke was that, you scared us”

“I’m sorry my love”

“urgh I hate that I love you”

She kissed me.

“I love you too”

Why Him.

Love.

The End.

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