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GUYMART AUDITION PACK

Thank you for your interest in auditioning for GuyMart. In this audition pack you will find:

- On the day information

- Audition material overview
- Parts available
- Notifying of audition outcome
- Full show synopsis
- Scene extract
- Song extract

On the day…

Auditions will take place on Friday 19th May 2023, 2pm - 5pm at The Penn Theatre, Unit
22, Penarth Centre, Penarth Street London, SE15 1TR.

The theatre is located on the first floor. On arrival, please call 22 on the call pad, and you
will be buzzed in. As there is limited space, we ask if you can please wait in the courtyard
(there is a covered seating area) just outside the theatre. One of us will come and get you
when it is your time to audition.

Please arrive in good time to allow for the smooth running of auditions. If you do have any
problems, please call George on 07843960234.

Audition material overview:

For your audition we will ask you to perform the attached scene as Joe, and one of the us
will read in for Matt. We will then like you to perform the first verse and chorus of Lost in
the Aisles, which is the final big number of the show.

Please familiarise yourself with the audition material, as well the demo track and sheet
music attached on the email this pack arrived on.

There is no need to be off book for the audition. If you need any modifications in spacing/
text size, please email toughnuttheatre@gmail.com as soon as possible.

Audition Outcome:

We will notify everyone of the audition outcome by the end of Sunday 21st May, via email.

If you have any questions, please email toughnuttheatre@gmail.com.

Good luck!

Available roles:

GuyMart will feature a cast of four actors, each of whom will play one main role, and multi-
role in others.

Main Characters

ALFIE: The head GuyMart Assistant - professional, rather socially awkward. Has a great
knowledge of sexual compatibility. Unhealthily obsessed with the GuyMart handbook.
Despite seeming so experienced, he will never admit that he’s actually a virgin.

FREDDIE: GuyMart Assistant - flirty, sex-obsessed, inappropriate and at times

unprofessional - always getting on Alfie’s nerves. Yet, deep down, he is a troubled man
who once stood on the aisles of GuyMart as stock.

MATT: Twenty-something GuyMart newcomer, who, desperate to find a loving boyfriend,

and who is close to giving up, joins the GuyMart stock. He is a curious, caring guy, who’s
naivety leads him astray.

JOE: Matt’s love interest - a 30 something, softly spoken and kind hearted city
professional. He is slightly older than Matt, and like him, is keen to find a perfect
relationship.

Supporting Characters

PERCY (Product Analysis department), RETURNS CLERK, STORE ANNOUNCER,

ASSISTANTS, SHOPPERS

Show Synopsis:

The show opens with GuyMart Assistants Alfie and Freddie who greet their new shoppers
(the audience) and introduce the store (IT’S CALLED GUYMART). During the song, they
mention how there has been change in societal attitudes towards paying for sex, and that
the trading practices of GuyMart are deemed as totally acceptable.

Matt then enters. He is a young man who is discovering GuyMart for the very first time,
and explains how he wants to join the stock to see who may be out there (WHAT I’M
LOOKING FOR).

Matt is then accepted into GuyMart, and goes on a tour through the fourteen aisles which
are all based on Grindr tribes (THE AISLE SONG), and is then asked if he’d like to
continue. He agrees, and is swiftly rushed to the product analysis office (NEW BOY).

 3
Matt is placed on the ‘best buys’ aisle, and is picked up by a customer and checked out
for the first time. However, he is soon returned, having failed to satisfy the customer’s
needs. We then see Matt placed back on the aisles, wanting to see if the next guy who
picks him up is the one he is looking for. However, another try turns into many more (ONE
MORE TRY) and we see a Matt who is exhausted and in a bad way after so many sexual
encounters. This marks the beginning of his addiction to GuyMart.

Just as he is about to give up, Matt then meets Joe, and there is an instant attraction. This
time, it feels different, and Matt is whisked away by Joe, and they begin a relationship
(ONE LOOK).

Everything seems perfect, and we see their relationship blossom, and Joe proposes. Matt
is unsure of his answer, which quickly leads him revealing how GuyMart has invaded his
mind, making him question is future with Joe.

Joe is heartbroken, and leaves Matt. We then see Matt’s turmoil unfold, who, despite
longing for a future with Joe, his addiction to GuyMart has gotten in the way (RUN).
Feeling upset and worthless, Matt returns himself to GuyMart..

As this happens, Freddie reveals how, a few years ago, he was a stock member at
GuyMart, and just like Matt, became reliant on it (LOST IN THE AISLES), and since then,
has felt unable to leave.

He finds Matt back in the store, and tells Matt to go back to Joe, as that is where he’ll find
his true happiness. Matt leaves GuyMart, and is met by Joe, and the couple rekindle.
They agree to put GuyMart behind them for good, and leave to resume their life together.

SCENE - THE PROPOSAL

JOE: Will you marry me?

Pause. JOE is expecting an instant yes, but he doesn’t get it.

JOE: Matt?

Pause.

MATT: I’m… I… Don’t know.

JOE: You… you don’t know?… What?

MATT: I, er, just don’t/

JOE: /You don’t know. Well, this is… unexpected, really unexpected.

MATT: I’m sorry…

JOE: You’re sorry… I’m sorry I just looked so stupid!

MATT: You didn’t…

JOE: So fucking stupid… I was so sure, I was so sure…

MATT: Joe…

JOE: I mean, yes, it could’ve gone either way, but you… you don’t know? I’m not sure
what’s worse…

MATT: I’ll try to…/

JOE: You don’t know…so, you don’t know wether you want to be with me? You don’t
know after all the things we’ve done over this past year? you don’t know, how much I fell in
love with you… if you love me?

MATT: It’s not that, of course I want to be with you/

JOE: /Then why the hell say that?

MATT: And of course I love you/

JOE:/ Then why the fuck did you say that? Matt?

There is a pause.

MATT: Everything we’ve done, where we’ve been, it’s been amazing, Joe, really amazing.
But despite all of that, I can’t stop thinking about something…

JOE: Thinking about what…?

MATT: Something that’s, it’s had to explain, something that’s just there, it’s always been
there, on our first date, when we moved in together, every single memory… and it’s just,
well, persisted, it’s here right now…

JOE: You’re doing very well at avoiding what you actually need to say.

MATT: it’s always been there, I can’t stop thinking about it, how I feel now I’ve left it
behind,, And Joe, trust me when I say that I’m so angry that it’s still there, it’s just there…

calling, even though the past year has been the most amazing… and I love you Joe, I
don’t want it to get int the way, but it is… It really is…

JOE: Just say it Matt, just say it clearly….

MATT: And the things that happened there, I can’t stop thinking… I wanted to tell you but I
was scared to tell you…and what would you you’d think of me if I told you…

JOE: MATT!

MATT: Guy… GuyMart.

JOE: What?

MATT: It doesn’t matter, it’s silly, stupid I’m being…

JOE: You’re telling me it’s Guy/

MATT: No.. no, I’m being stupid.

JOE: That’s what’s getting in the way? Everything? Everything fucking thing?

MATT: Joe..

JOE: And it’s getting in the way of where we are, right now? What the fuck Matt

MATT: Joe, let me try to explain it better

JOE: You’ve explained it well enough, it’s got in the way… and made you.. unsure.. about
me, about us? Unsure of the answer to the question… that took me so long to ask you?
Have I wasted that question?

MATT: No, you haven’t

JOE: Wasted it, fucked it. I just don’t understand, Matt, I’m an idiot, a real fucking idiot…
I’m sorry, I can’t/

MATT: /No, let’s do this, let’s do it, I’m sorry, I’m being so/

JOE: I love you, Matt, I really do, so much, so so much, but I can’t be here, I’m so… I’m
so fucking hurt… I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot.

SONG: LOST IN THE AISLES - PERFORMED BY FREDDIE

Please see Sheet music, demo track and backing track are attached to the email this
audition pack arrived in.

FREDDIE: I WAS JUST LIKE HIM, WAS YOUNG AND NAIVE

SUDDENLY FREE, THERE’S A NEW WORLD TO SEE

AT FIRST I WAS SCARED OF WHAT MAY LIE OUT THERE

TOOK A STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN, A FIRST STEP YOU MUST TAKE ALONE

ENSEMBLE: STEP INTO THE AISLES, COME SEE WHAT’S IN THE AISLES

FREDDIE: HEARD OF A PLACE THAT’S NOT SO FAR AWAY

A PLACE I WOULD LOVE SO MUCH, I’D WANT TO STAY

THOUGHT I WOULD MEET A GUY, MAYBE SOMEDAY

TOOK A STEP, UNSURE WHAT I’D FIND

THE FIRST STEP TO LOSING MY MIND

SUCH A THRILL, THAT FIRST TIME ON THE AISLES

A CAPTIVE CREATURE, UNLEASHED INTO THE WILD

AND THE GUYS GO ON FOR MILES, EXCITEMENT WITH EACH TURN

THE MORE AISLES THAT YOU WALK THROUGH, THE MORE YOU START TO YEARN

TIME FLIES BY, I’M LOST HERE IN THE AISLES

IN A TRANCE, RIPPED FROM THE WORLD OUTSIDE

SO MUCH TO DISCOVER, MANY GUYS TO FIND

ALL WARNING SIGNS, OBSCURED BY HAZE, I’M LOST INSIDE A TWISTING MAZE

WANTED TO STAY, CAN’T PULL AWAY, AND NOW I’VE STRAYED TOO FAR…

I’M LOST IN THE AISLES

LOST IN THE AISLES