Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of the Terms & Conditions of Use, available at http://www.jstor.org/page/
info/about/policies/terms.jsp
JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range of content
in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new forms of scholarship.
For more information about JSTOR, please contact support@jstor.org.
Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society is collaborating with JSTOR to digitize, preserve and extend access to Group.
http://www.jstor.org
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
GROUP,Vol.30,No.2,May2006
Disorganized Attachment
Dynamics in Couples1
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
154 GANGI
4 Theterms andangrily
resistant
passive thetwosubtypes
describe
protesting ofchildren
with an
anxious
ambivalent
orientation andpassive
Boththeactive
toattachment. areresistant
subtypes
tocaretaker
comforting.
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
Attachment
Disorganized inCouples
Dynamics 155
Ambivalent Overattends
todistressing Inconsistently tochild,
responsive
affect.
Maybeoverwhelmed byown
Either orpassively
actively andchild's
feelings,
resists
comfortingwhileseeking
it;doesnotsettle.
Stayscloseto Preoccupied at,or
by,angry
parent. enmeshedwithownfamily oforigin.
Avoidant Underattends
toaffect. Uncomfortablewithchild's
orown
affect.
Maybecritical,
controlling,
Conceals inhibits
distress; orrejecting. task-oriented
Primarily
togaincomfort
attempts care parenting,
whenupset.
Idealizes
orderogates
ownparents;
diminishestheimpactofunfavorable
early
experiencesonhimself
or
herself.
table 1:Organized
Attachment
Orientations
are resistant
to comforting. This infantis in a relationship withan inconsistently
attentivecaregiverwho is preoccupied withher own early attachments.
In thethirdorganizedattachment orientation we findan infantwho makesno
fussaboutseparationand payslittleattention to theparenton reunion.However,
his physiologicalresponses,heartrate,and galvanicskin responsesbelie his
apparentindifferenceand indicateintensedistress.This childwithan avoidant
orientationto attachment is in a relationshipwitha critical,somewhatrejecting
caregiver who does not read her5childs cues particularly well and dismissesor
devaluestheimportofattachment figuresin herownearlylife.
Althoughformally infantile, ostensiblyunschooled,and notusingtheirsoon
5 Foreachmention
oftheinfant
as"he"andtheparent
as "she,"
thereader
mayreadthegender
neutral.
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
156 GANGI
to be developedcognitivepowers,infantstaketheiri-year-oldexperience-based
knowledgeofloveand puttheirproceduralknowledgeintopractice.
Mostinfants, roughly90%, havean organizedwayofdealingwiththehighly
stressfulStrangeSituationlaboratoryexperiment. The care-seeking attachment
strategiesof the remaining 10% are more anomalous. It can be heartbreaking to
watchthe distressing care-seeking strategiesof i-year-oldswitha disorganized
orientation to attachment during the reunion episodesof the StrangeSituation
laboratory experiment. Fear, dissociation,despair,emotionalparalysis, or extreme
withdrawalare clearlypresentin the babies witha disorganizedorientation to
attachment.
Mostparentsofinfants withdisorganizedattachment areeitherfrightened or
frightening withtheirchildren. Some ofthe are
parents overtly hostileto theinfant,
makingharsh,unpredictable, and sometimesviolentmovementsin the childs
direction.Otherparentsarefrightened; theymayhaveexperiencedcurrent, past,
or secondarytrauma,or theymayhave experienceda seriousloss thathas not
beenresolved.Videotapesshowtheparentreachingtowardthebabywiththetop
halfofherbodyand backingawaywiththebottomhalf;herconflicted approach
suggestsfear(Main & Hesse,1990).
When thisinfantneeds protectionin the face of dangerperceivedor real,
he is faced with an irresolvablechallenge:findsafetywithina fear-inducing
context.In confronting thisparadoxicalsituationthechildadoptscontradictory
and idiosyncraticattachmentstrategiesreflectinghis inherentlyconfusing
and frightening predicament. To hold in minda lovingand comforting person
associatedwithfear,danger,or deathis difficult to metabolizeand requiresmental
gymnastics of thehighestorder.This stateof affairs mayactuallybe whatFreud
(1957)describedas "anexpression ofthechildsfeelingat itswits'end"(p. 66).
This child'sfearmaybe caused by currentexperiencein the family, or the
fearmaybe inducedor borrowedfromthe caregiver. Whateverthe cause,it is
important toappreciate thatthechild'sfeelingis morethananxiety. Younghumans
musthaveanotherhumanto survive.Withoutan irreplaceable adult,thechild's
fearsuggeststheunthinkable - thepotentialforannihilation.
Researchfollowing theprimaryintimaterelationships of thesechildrenwith
disorganized attachment can inform clinicians who deal with adult intimate
relationships and the issues of power therein.By the age of six theinfantwitha
disorganized orientation to attachment oftenbecomesa childwho is controlling,
hostile,or parent-likewiththeactualparent(Lyons-Ruth, Bronfman, & Atwood,
1999)-The childmaycome to feelthatit is he who has frightened the parent,
and thatchild may feelthatit is he who is frightening- too powerfulor too
intimidating. The growingchild'scontrolling or hostile stance mayprovidehim
witha senseof efficacy to replacehis priorsenseofhelplessness, disorientation,
and fear.The childdevelopspseudomaturecaregiving and an attenuated, inept
care seeking.The child'scaregivingcontainsseasoningsof omnipotenceand
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
Attachment
Disorganized inCouples
Dynamics 157
Case 1
Tenyearsbefore
beginningindividual Davidlearned
treatment, thathismothers first
husbandandtheirchild,hishalfbrother,
weremurdered in theNazideathcamps.
Hismother nevermentionedthehorrorofherexperiences.
Nonetheless,
feelingsare
communicatedfromright braintoright
brain;terror, and
murder, terrible losswere
6 Diathesis
isa predisposition
orvulnerability
toa particular
state etal.,1999).
(Lyons-Ruth
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
158 GANGI
notverbalized,
buttheaffectiveresiduewasin thenursery in Davidsfirstintimate
withhis mother.
relationship The shadowof his mother's memories and vague,
troublesome,attachment-related
feelings emerged insidiouslywhenDavidwas in
his nextprimary intimaterelationshipwithhiswife.Insteadofthebright, lively,
andhumorous DavidI knewin individual work,an emotionally almost
paralyzed,
unrecognizableDavidemerged inthecouplesessions withhiswife.Davids emotional
paralysiswas a precipitant
of thiscouplesdisorganized attachment dynamics.
Davidsunderactivity, hishelplessnessandemotional deadness,engendered panic
inhiswife.Copingwiththeintense fearinducedbyherhusband s incomprehensible
deadness,Lenaorganized herselfthrough shetriedto connectwithher
hostility;
husbandandbringhimalivewithhurtful words.Herattempts awakened Davidinto
reactivedefense.
Davidsdefensive aliveness seemedto relieveLena.Unspoken and
unknown, murder,death,and terriblelossexistedas remnants in thefabricof this
couple:enactedandunthinkable.
Case 2
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
Attachment
Disorganized inCouples
Dynamics 159
Case 3
In thisnextcase,Paulscontrol,albeitbenign,elicited andterror
helplessness in his
wife.
In thefaceofan absentfatherandinadequate mother,Paulhadbeena caregiver
prodigy: He counseledhismother, did thefamily checkwritingandfoodshopping,
andcooked.Duringtheircourtship Amyadmired Paulscompetence. Theymarried,
andtransferences deepened.Amybecameenragedbyanysensethatherhusband
exerted poweroverher.In sessionAmywouldoftenturntoPaultomakedecisions.
Yetwhenhe did,herdistresscommunicated thatsomething dreadful occurred.
In pursuing an understandingofherfear,fury, and dreadthethreeofus learned
thatPaulscaregiving gaveAmya feeling ofbeingdependent on an out-of-control,
dangerous parent- hervery survival was at stake.Startingat age seven,Amys
mother gaveher the of
job keeping her father
safe whilehe drove homedrunkfrom
hisfavorite the
bar.Shewouldgrip passenger seat whilehe swerved;luckily,hehad
onlya fewminoraccidents. Amylongedtobe takencareof,yetwhensherestedin
hermarriage topursuethislonging,shefeared forherlifeandattacked herhusband
as ifhe,likeherfather,
werea dangertoher.
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
l6o GANGI
Anomalous
Affect
Regulation
& Connection Power
strategies
Dysregulated- Collapsesand Dominance- or
Interpersonal
overregulated lapsesincontact submission intrapsychic
Serious
(Rage-dissociation) ormultiple Hostile-helpless Toobscure
the
disloyalties unthinkable
Frightened-
frightening Enhanceddistance
cycles
As-if
intimacy
table 2: ClinicalIndicators
ofDisorganized
CoupleDynamics
intrinsically incoherent.
Here are some countertransference reactionsthathavehelpedme zero in on
thepresenceof thedisorganizedattachment dynamic.I maywantto command
or controlone or bothpartners.I mayfeelhostileor retaliatory. I maybe sleepy
or disconnected, findmyselfspacingout or hyperalert and vigilant.SometimesI
feelfearor a sensethatsomethingis terribly wrong.I feeldumb,overwhelmed,
and, as I have mentioned,sometimesdisgusted.It is importantto notice
countertransference reactions;theyhelp the therapistinvestigate and hold the
dyadicdynamic anomalies in mind to use at the most appropriatetherapeutic
moment.
The coupleoftenfindsitcalmingto identify theunthinkable and unspeakable
as such.Puttingwordsto theunknownfearbeginsto helpregulateemotionsand
createcoherence,evenwhenwe do notas yetunderstand or identifythespecific
fear."I wonderifthereis something we shouldn'tknow,shouldn'tbe awareof,or
feel"is an introduction to thinkingabouttheunthought.
Itis also helpfulto reframe thehostileorcontrolling andhelplessorsubmissive
dynamics as attachment strategies,however destructiveor clearlyineffective,
to
createcontactand safetywhenpartnersfeelunsafe.Insteadof an effective care-
seekingstrategy signalingtheneed forlove and attention, thehostileor helpless
dynamicis an emptysubstitute fortherealthing.
Therearemanywaysto studya coupleforevidenceofdisorganized dynamics.
We can look at theiraffectregulation, thecontinuity of theirconnection,or the
waythatpoweris distributed betweenthepartners.
We may findexamplesof the hostile-helpless and dominance-submission
cycles,evidenceof as-ifrelatedness, collapseand lapses in connection,serious
loyalty issues, and to
dysregulated overregulated affectevidencedby rage and
dissociation(see table2). Fearfuland frightening cyclesmaybe presentin the
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
Attachment
Disorganized inCouples
Dynamics 161
couplerelationship.
Underlying thisclinicalevidencearethevariousinterpersonal
and intrapsychic
strategies coupleuse to calmintensely
the troubling and
feelings
obscuretheunthinkable.
CONCLUSION
REFERENCES
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
1Ó2 GANGI
This content downloaded from 165.95.226.100 on Sat, 31 Oct 2015 22:26:44 UTC
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions