Souls

Unfractured
A Hades Hangmen Novel

Tillie Cole




Copyright© Tillie Cole 2015 All rights reserved

Cover Design by Damonza at www.damonza.com
Formatted by Stephen J Jones

No Part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means, electronic or mechanical, including photography, recording, or any
information storage and retrieval system without the prior written consent from
the publisher and author, except in the instance of quotes for reviews. No part of
this book may be uploaded without the permission of the publisher and author,
nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in
which it is originally published.

This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or
places, actual events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters and names
are products of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

The publisher and author acknowledge the trademark status and trademark
ownership of all trademarks, service marks and word marks mentioned in this
book.



Dedication

For Thessa, the original Flame Whore. You begged me for this story.
Your wish is my command.
 CONTENTS PAGE
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue


Author’s Note


Souls Unfractured begins immediately after Heart Recaptured ends. To fully
enjoy this novel, Book 1, It Ain’t Me, Babe, and Book 2, Heart Recaptured,
should be read first.

As is the theme with the Hades Hangmen Series, Souls Unfractured features
religious beliefs and practices that, although may seem extreme and shocking to
many, are inspired by real ideologies from existing, or pre-existing Christian
cults and sects. This novel also includes the growing, and very controversial
practice of serpent handling and poison consumption in religious services.
Again, this was inspired by the ideology of existing Christian sects. Some scenes
have been exaggerated for the purpose of the story, especially in how the male
protagonist, Flame, uniquely views the world, and in particular, these
controversial practices.
I would also like to note that many people around the world exist in these
particular sects and never abuse the doctrines or sermons preached. Many follow
these sects peacefully, safely and devotedly just like any other faith. This novel
explores the abuse of these practices only.
Please also be aware that Souls Unfractured contains scenes of severe sexual
abuse, taboo topics, violence and sexual assault.



Glossary
(Not in alphabetical order)

The Order Terminology

The Order: Apocalyptic New Religious Movement. Beliefs based on selected
Christian teachings, strongly believe the apocalypse is imminent. Previously led
by Prophet David (declared himself to be a Prophet of God and a descendant of
King David), the elders and the disciples. Succeeded by Prophet Cain (nephew
of Prophet David).
The members live together in a secluded commune; based on traditional and
modest living, polygamy and unorthodox religious practices. Believe the ‘outside
world’ is sinful and evil. Have no contact with non-members.

Commune: Property owned by The Order and controlled by Prophet Cain.
Segregated living community. Policed by disciples and elders and stocked with
weapons in case of an outside world attack. Men and women kept in separate
areas of the commune. The Cursed kept away from all men (except the elders) in
their own private quarters. Land protected by a large perimeter fence.

New Zion: New Commune of The Order. Created after the previous commune
was destroyed in the battle against The Hades Hangmen.

The Order’s Elders: Comprises four men: Gabriel (deceased), Moses
(Deceased), Noah (deceased), Jacob (deceased), Charged with the day to day
running of the commune. Second in Command to Prophet David (deceased).
Responsible for schooling the Cursed.

New Zion Council Elders: Comprises three men: Brother Luke, Brother Isaiah
(deceased), Brother Micah (deceased).

Prophet’s Hand: Position held by Judah, Cain’s twin brother.
Second in command to Prophet Cain. Shares in the running of New Zion and any
religious, political or military decisions concerning The Order.

Prophet’s Advisor: Third in command to Prophet Cain. Position held by
Brother Luke (former New Zion Council Member). Advises in religious, political
and military matters. Works with Prophet’s Hand.

Disciple Guards: Male members of The Order. Tasked with the protection of
the commune lands and the members of The Order.

Lords Sharing: Ritual sexual act performed between male and female members
of The Order. Believed to help the male get steadily closer to the Lord.
Performed in mass ceremonies. Narcotics often used for a transcendental
experience. Females are forbidden from experiencing pleasure as punishment
for carrying the original sin of Eve and must perform the act when required as
part of their sisterly duties.

Awakened: Rite of Passage in The Order. On a girl’s eighth birthday, she is to
be sexually ‘awakened’ by a commune member or, on special occasions, an
Elder.

Sacred Circle: Religious practice exploring the notion of ‘free love’. Sexual
intercourse and behavior with many partners in a public setting.

Sacred Sister: A chosen woman of The Order, tasked with leaving the commune
to spread The Order’s message by sexual means.

The Cursed: Women/Girls in The Order deemed too naturally beautiful and
inherently sinful. Live separately from the rest of commune. Seen as too tempting
to men. The Cursed are believed to be significantly more likely to sway men from
the righteous path.

Original Sin: Augustine Christian doctrine that says mankind is born sinful and
have an innate urge to disobey God. Original Sin is the result of Adam and Eve’s
disobedience to God when they ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. In
The Order’s doctrines (created by Prophet David), Eve is blamed for tempting
Adam to sin, thus sisters of The Order are seen as born seductresses and
temptresses and must therefore obey men.

Sheol: Old Testament word meaning ‘the pit’ or ‘the grave’ or ‘the
Underworld’. Place of the dead.

Glossolalia: Incomprehensible speech displayed by religious believers during
an episode of religious ecstasy. Embracing the Holy Spirit.

Diaspora: The dispersion of people from their original homeland.

Hill of Perdition: Hill on the outskirts of the commune. Used for seclusions of
New Zion’s inhabitants and for punishments.

Devil’s Men: Reference to the Hades Hangmen MC.



Hades Hangmen Terminology

Hades Hangmen: One-percenter Outlaw MC. Founded in Austin, Texas, 1969.

Hades: Lord of the Underworld in Greek mythology.

Mother Chapter: First branch of the club. Founding location.

One-percenter: The American Motorbike Association (AMA) were once
rumored to have said that 99% of bikers were law-abiding citizens. Bikers who
do not abide by AMA rules name themselves ‘one-percenters’ (the remaining
non law-abiding 1%). The vast majority of ‘one-percenters’ belong to Outlaw
MC’s.

Cut: Leather vest worn by outlaw bikers. Adorned with patches and artwork
displaying the club’s unique colors.

Patched in: When a new member is approved for full membership.

Church: Club meetings for full patch members. Led by President of the club.

Old Lady: Woman with wife status. Protected by her partner. Status held to be
sacrosanct by club members.

Club Slut: A woman who comes to the clubhouse to engage in casual sexual
acts with the club members.

Bitch: Woman in Biker culture. Term of endearment.

Gone/Going to Hades: Slang. Referring to the dying/dead.

Meeting/Gone/Going to the Boatman: Slang. Dying/dead. Referring to
‘Charon’ in Greek mythology. Charon was the ferryman of the dead, an
underworld daimon (Spirit). Transported departed souls to Hades. The fee for
the crossing over the rivers Styx and Acheron to Hades were coins placed on
either the dead’s eyes or mouth at burial. Those who did not pay the fee were left
to wander the shores of Styx for one hundred years.

Snow: Cocaine.

Ice: Crystal Meth



The Organizational Structure of Hades Hangmen

President (Prez): Leader of the club. Holder of the Gavel, which is symbolic of
the absolute power that the President wields. The Gavel is used to keep order in
Church. The word of the President is law within the club. He takes advice from
senior club members. No one challenges the decisions of the President.

Vice President (VP): Second-in-Command. Executes the orders of the
President. Principal communicator with other chapters of the club. Assumes all
responsibilities and duties of the President in their absence.

Road Captain: Responsible for all club runs. Researches, plans and organizes
club runs and ride outs. Ranking club officer, answering only to President or
VP.

Sergeant-at-Arms: Responsible for club security, policing and keeping order at
club events. Reports unseemly behavior to President and VP. Responsible for the
safety and protection of the club, its members and its Prospects.

Treasurer: Keeps records of all income and expenses. Keeps records of all club
patches and colors issued and taken away.

Secretary: Responsible for making and keeping all club records. Must notify
members of emergency meetings.

Prospect: Probationary member of the MC. Goes on runs, but banned from
attending Church.




“For fractured souls are like magnets.
Drawn to collide into an impossible bliss…”



 Prologue


“Did you kill anyone else out here?”
I watched the little black-haired bitch—Mae’s sister—ask Prez if we’d
slaughtered anyone else in this motherfucking cult hell.
Prez nodded his head.
“Where is he?” she demanded.
Prez didn’t respond, and my head twitched and my skin pricked as her green
eyes narrowed.
“Please! I need to see him!” she shouted. Her pale face had gone bright red and
her hands had begun to shake at her sides.
Prez pointed into the woods, and in no fucking time, she hightailed it into the
trees. My jaw clenched and my hands fisted as I watched her go.
Viking leaned in, stopping just short of touching me. He knew not to fucking
touch me. “You carved that fucker up Krueger style, didn’t you, brother?”
I stayed staring at the woods, catching the bitch’s dress disappear in the
distance.
“Flame?” Viking pushed.
My teeth gritted, remembering piercing that fuck with my blades and I snarled.
“I fucking hacked him up good. That bible pedo fucker deserved to die like
that.”
“So that’ll be a yes. A huge fucking yes to the extreme makeover, Krueger
edition.”
But I didn’t respond to Viking. Didn’t respond because the black-haired bitch
was walking back out. And I watched her all the way. I counted her every step as
she moved closer. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…
I watched her chest rise and fall. She was breathing hard. She was fucking
breathing so hard. Surely she wasn’t pissed that the disciple pedo was dead?
“Sister?” Mae ran over to her, but the little bitch’s green eyes were on Prez.
“Who killed him?” she asked, pushing past Mae. Her face moved from one
brother to the next, looking each in the eyes.
And I stared. I stared and I twitched, and felt my blood begin to boil.
The fucker had deserved to die. I’d fucking got hard watching that fucker die.
I’d watched the life leave his eyes. I’d watched his blood spill. And I’d
motherfucking loved it.
Then the little bitch reached me. Her tiny frame stood below me and those huge
green eyes looked right up into mine. “Was it you?” she asked.
My blood rushed faster through my body, and I nodded my head. “Yeah, I
killed the fucker,” I spat.
I tensed, my muscles jumping, waiting for her to defend that cunt. To tell me I
was evil, wrong and a killer—shit I already knew.
But before I could fucking think, a cry left her throat and she jumped forward
and wrapped her arms around my waist. My heart fired in my chest like a
fucking cannon and my hands fisted and rose into the air as her hands touched
my skin.
I couldn’t be touched. I couldn’t be fucking touched. One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, I started to count, waiting for the flames to hurt her. Waiting for the
pain… eight, nine, ten, eleven… My eyes snapped down as I reached eleven,
expecting to see her pain.
Eleven.
But she wasn’t hurt.
Eleven.
I’d gone past eleven.
The little bitch’s arms tightened around my waist and I looked down in shock. I
saw her thick black hair. I saw her back rise and fall with her breaths.
“Thank you,” she whispered and pressed her cheek against my chest. “Thank
you so very much.”
My lungs froze as she thanked me. But I didn’t understand. Like always. I
didn’t fucking understand anything.
Why wasn’t she hurt from my touch?
Why was she fucking thanking me?
Then her arms tightened again, and I wanted to touch her back. I wanted to
motherfucking touch her.
 Heart still pumping from the rush of the kill, pulse slamming in my neck, I
squeezed my eyes shut. Forcing my arms down, I took a deep breath, and
pressed my hands to her back. As my hands touched the material of her dress, I
sucked in a breath, feeling her body jump under my palms.
I almost pulled back, the feel of her in my arms fucking with my mind. But that
was shot to hell when I felt wetness on my chest, on my skin, and the bitch,
cried, “You freed me. You freed me from him.”
At those words my eyes snapped shut. My heart sprinted in my chest, but the
flames in my blood, the heat in my blood, was calmed.
The flames never calmed.
They forever fucking burned.
But with her…
I wanted to grip her tighter.
I wanted to hold her closer, but then she dropped her arms and pulled away.
My hands clenched at my sides as I watched her go, then just before she
reached her sisters, she looked back at me and asked, “What is your name?” Her
voice was shaking, like she was scared. But her eyes never left mine. They
fucking burned into mine, making my heart pound.
Then I thought of that question. My name…
“Flame,” I said, pushing my other name far from my fucking mind, the name I
couldn’t stand.
I froze as she dipped her eyes and smiled. My fingernails dug into my palm, so
I could fucking try and stay calm at that smile. “You have my eternal gratitude,
Flame. I am forever in your debt.”
The air blew out from my mouth as she turned and walked away, but I couldn’t
stop staring at her.
My eyes dropped to my hands and I stared at my palm. I’d touched her. I’d
fucking touched her and I hadn’t hurt her.
Then my stomach fell. Because the flames were still under my skin. I could
feel them. And if I touched her again, I could hurt her.
“Fuck man, you alright?” AK stood in front of me blocking my path to the little
black-haired bitch.
I held up my hands, palms up high. “I fucking touched her,” I whispered. “I
fucking touched her.”
AK nodded. “I know, brother. You doing okay? You’re not gonna go psycho
on her ass, right? No thoughts to slit her throat going through that head?”
Moving to the side, I looked over AK’s shoulder and asked, “What was her
name? What the fuck did Mae say her name was?”
AK glanced back too and said, “Maddie, I think?” He took a deep breath.
“Yeah, Maddie.”
Maddie, I thought, then whispered her name aloud on my lips. “Maddie…”
Within hours we returned to the compound and the brothers from out of state,
along with most from our club, drank and fucked the night away. But I could
only see Maddie. I could only see her in Styx’s apartment window where she’d
taken up position. I didn’t drink, or smoke, instead I watched her sitting on the
window ledge, watching me back.
I paced below her window until AK and Viking dragged me home to my cabin.
But I couldn’t get her the fuck out of my mind. Kept seeing green eyes and long
black hair in my head. Kept feeling her hands around my waist.
Grabbing my blades, I burst out of the door and ran all the fucking way to the
compound. As I broke through the line of trees, I ran until I reached the window
of Styx’s apartment… then stopped dead.
The window.
Sat at the fucking window was Maddie.
My heart kicked into a sprint as I stared at her.
Then she looked down and stared back at me.
I watched her mouth drop open.
I watched her green eyes widen.
I watched her hand press to the glass.
I watched her lips, as they mouthed, “Flame…”
Clutching my blades at my side, I stormed forward. I began pacing below her
window. Because no one would fucking get near her again. No one would ever
hurt her again. If they did, they would die.
Die under my motherfucking blades.
Because she was mine.
The little black-haired bitch called Maddie was mine.



 Chapter One

Flame
Present day…

No. No. NO!
I raced down the graveled road to my cabin, unable to stop the fucking messed
up thoughts filling in my head. They have her. They’ll hurt her.
I pushed my legs harder. They screamed in pain, still weak from all the
motherfucking weeks spent strapped to a hospital bed, but I needed to get to
Maddie. She needed me to stop them. She needed me to stop them from hurting
her too.
I’d taken a bullet for her. When Lilah freaked after she’d been rescued from the
commune, and accidently fired the gun in her hands—the gun aiming right at
Maddie—I’d had to save her. I’d had to fucking save her life.
But it was all for nothing, now they had her in that church.
Reaching my cabin, I opened the door and I burst into the living room. Finding
my bike’s keys on the countertop, I grabbed them in my hand and ran to my bike
outside. Throwing myself onto the saddle, I turned the key and the engine roared
to life. My heart boomed like fucking thunder as the bike vibrated beneath me.
Heeling up the kickstand, I saw Viking and AK running down the hill after me.
They were screaming at me to stop, but I couldn’t. I needed to get to Maddie. I
couldn’t fucking leave her there, with those people.
Not her.
Not Maddie.
Not my Maddie!
Back wheel skidding on the graveled drive, I launched like a fucking bat out of
hell onto the dirt road. I caught the sound of a bike following me in the distance,
but I didn’t stop, Ky’s bitch’s words fucking piercing my brain.
“Maddie is at Our Savior Church… She has been going there for a while now.
We all have.”
I rode harder, not knowing if I was too late. But knowing if I didn’t get there, it
could be too late. They’d make her scream. And I couldn’t hear her scream. I
couldn’t bear the screaming. It boiled my blood. It ignited the flames under my
flesh. It fucking haunted my brain.
My hands shook on the bars of my Harley as I fought not to explode with
fucking rage. I pictured Maddie’s green eyes. I pictured her pale skin. Her long
black hair. Then all I saw in my head was her covered in blood; held down and
hurt. And I could picture her screaming. Could see those green eyes wide, could
see those eyes crying as they tied her down. All the people in the church tying
her down and causing her pain.
And I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save her. Another one… another one would
be taken from me. Because I wasn’t there to protect her.
Clenching my hands on the Harley’s bars, I let a scream tear from my injured
throat. And I kept pushing my bike harder until I pulled into the opening roads of
downtown. I ran every red light. Cut roads and crossings.
Then two more right turns and the motherfucker came into view.
White.
Grand.
A fucking house of evil disguised as good.
Our Savior’s Church.
And it held my Maddie.
Skidding to a stop out front, I jumped off my bike. As my boots hit asphalt, I
fought the pounding in my head at being near this fucking hell. The drugs were
still in my blood from the hospital, but I had no choice but to push through.
I looked down at my open palms and my hands shook, my leg muscles seized.
And like a fucking pussy, I looked up at the steep white steps and I couldn’t
fucking move.
And then, in my mind’s eye, I saw him standing in front of me, ordering me to
get closer to the church door. I saw the cold look in his eyes as he stared down at
me, his lip curled in disgust.
Sinner. You’re a sinner boy, he hissed, the memory too real, and my heart sank
to the ground. You need to purge the flames from your blood. You need to purge
the evil from your dark soul.
 I gasped for breath, and had to use my bike’s saddle for balance when I thought
my legs would give out at the memory. I didn’t want to give in to the memory. I
didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to see his fucking face in my mind.
But what I wanted didn’t mean shit. Because he was always there. He always
came for me. He never left me the fuck alone.
The roar of another Harley’s engine sounded behind me and I dropped my
raised hands. I knew it was AK and Viking without even looking back. And
they’d try to stop me. I knew they would, because they didn’t understand what
would happen behind those wooden doors where no one else could see.
Pushing myself to stand, I stared up at the church again. Forcing my legs to
move, I walked forward to the bottom of the steep steps. But I couldn’t go any
further. I tried to force my feet to move, to make that first fucking step, but they
didn’t. They wouldn’t. My pussy ass was too fucking afraid of facing what was
behind those doors.
Lowering my head, I hit at my skull with the bottom of my palm. “Move!” I
ordered myself. “Fucking move, you pussy!”
Unable to climb the steps, I began to pace the sidewalk. I walked back and
forth, back and forth, my head becoming too full. Fucked up images in my mind.
Warnings in my brain.
“They’ll hurt Maddie. They’re hurting Maddie,” I told myself. And the flames
burned hotter in my veins.
I fought for air as I paced faster and pictured Maddie’s face again.
One way or another, I was getting her the fuck out.



 Chapter Two

Maddie

For hours, I had been sitting tucked into the shadows, hidden behind the large
white marble statue of Jesus.
I could not take being at the compound any longer, even though it was Lilah
and Ky’s wedding day. I could not stand one more second of being trapped in
that bedroom, staring out of the window, praying desperately for Flame to step
out from the line of trees.
But he never did.
Closing my eyes, I pictured him diving in front of that bullet to save my life.
Then all I could see was blood.
Allowing my eyes to reopen, my head fell against the legs of the statue and my
hand gripped over the empty ache in my chest. Instantly, my mind filled with
him—dark eyes, dark short beard, slightly crooked nose and his huge tattooed
body standing protectively under my window, blades in his hands.
I lost focus, staring at the hardwood floor of the church, but I lifted my head
when my favorite sound began to play. The strings of a guitar echoed off the
high walls. Then the soft keys of the piano joined the magical sound of the hymn
that always made me smile. My hands began to slowly relax, and my body began
to gently rock in time to the beat.
From where I sat, I could not see the choir, but I could hear them. It was why I
came to Church. It was not for the religion, but for this madrigal music.
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”
My lips moved, silently mouthing the lyrics. But I would not sing. I could not
say the words aloud. I would never dare sing. I had always been taught that
singing was forbidden, a sin. But I could listen. I could listen and feel safe… feel
a flicker of happiness, if only for a few short minutes while the sweet sound
continued.
The hymn played on, and I smiled, until the last pretty lyric faded away...
“Every day, every day, I’m gonna let my little light shine…”
Exhaling a slow deep sigh, I leaned further into the legs of the statue, content to
listen to the rehearsal of the gospel choir. But in the brief silence between
hymns, a sound outside of the church could be discerned.
“Maddie!”
My body straightened at the harsh and guttural roar screaming my name. My
heart began thundering in my ears.
“Maddie!” The shouter called out again. My hands began to shake. The choir’s
questioning murmurs could be heard from upstairs on their balcony. Pastor
James’ office door swung open. She came rushing out, tension on her face.
Pastor James, the woman who had invited me and my sisters into her church
without question. The woman who had married Lilah and Ky just hours before.
And the woman who had returned to the church shortly after me, so that I would
not be here alone.
I became as still as the statue beside me, my body frozen in terror. Pastor James
headed my way, concern written all over her face.
She opened her mouth to speak, when the deafening sound of an engine
boomed beyond the doors, followed by another scream.
“MADDIE!” This call was louder, more frantic.
A hand touched my shoulder. Crying out at this unexpected touch, I scampered
backward until my body became wedged between the wall of the altar and the
statue of Jesus. My knees automatically came up to my chest and my arms
immediately wrapped around my legs. Pastor James’ hands flew into the air as
her eyes fell upon me. “Maddie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
I tried to breathe, tried to shake off the feeling of Pastor James’ scalding touch
on my body. But just as I managed to fill my lungs with air, the desperate call
sounded again.
“MADDIE!”
Pastor James jumped to her feet and looked to the open front doors. Throwing
me a glance, she nervously commanded, “Stay here, Maddie.”
A male member of the choir came running down the stairs from the balcony
and he met Pastor James halfway down the aisle.
He looked my way after Pastor James said something to him and, together, they
cautiously made their way to the entrance. I watched them intently, my eyes
barely blinking, wondering what they would find.
“MADDIE!” the voice called again, its malevolent cutting rasp making me
flinch. But then I heard something else that abated my fear.
“For fuck sake! The Bible Bashers are gonna call the pigs! You getting that
asshole? Styx will skin your psycho ass! You just got fucking home!”
My hands stopped shaking at hearing the familiar voice and name. As the
repeat call of “MADDIE!” filtered into the church, I jumped to my feet and
sprang from the shadows. Gathering my floor-length dress in my hands, I hurried
into the body of the church, rushing forward until the bright sun from the open
entrance lit up the dark wooden floor.
“I won’t say it again. I need you to leave or I’ll call the police.” Pastor James
was talking when I arrived at the large doors. The man from the choir
immediately saw me and tapped her on her arm.
Pastor James turned round and paled. “Maddie, darlin’, stay in the church and
call your sister, or even better, Mr. Nash.”
Her face betrayed her fear, but her protests quickly turned to white noise in my
ears as I reached the exit and saw, waiting below, at the edge of the busy road
was him… Flame. He was pacing back and forth. As always, I counted his steps.
Eleven to the right, eleven to the left.
As I drank in how he looked, I feared my legs would collapse. That confusing
sensation of my stomach swooping hit me, as my eyes focused on his leather-
clad legs and the Hangmen cut partly covering his bare torso.
His strangely cut dark hair was in its usual state of disarray. His skin was pale
and he had lost weight. I frowned. His muscles were twitching more than usual.
His hands clenched into fists more than normal. His lips were muttering
something inaudible from this distance, yet… he was still Flame. He was still the
man who protected me. He was still the silent shadow that kept me safe.
The man I had missed with the most incredible fervor.
His friends, Viking and AK, stood off to the side. Viking, the enormous red
haired brother, looked distressed as he talked to the dark-haired AK, and when
he ran his hand through his hair, he turned, and his attention locked on me.
 Viking’s large chest deflated in what looked like relief and he said something
to AK. AK looked toward me and threw a small tired wave.
But I did not have the time to spare for them. All I could concentrate on right
now was Flame.
I winced as I caught sight of white gauze on the side of his neck. The gunshot
graze. The bullet that should have hit me if he had not thrown himself in its
path...
... to protect me.
Flame’s pace increased. I could see his hands shaking as his fists became
impossibly tight. Then, with a corded neck, he began to scream. His croaked and
rough voice made it to “MADD—” before his eyes whipped to the top of the
stairs…
… where they collided with mine.
Flame’s bellowed call caught in his throat and his body came to an abrupt stop.
He staggered on uneasy feet as though he was too tired to be standing. But that
midnight stare remained. His hands stopped shaking, his wide bare chest
pumped at a heady speed, yet a strange kind of calm seemed to flow over him.
I wanted to speak to him.
I wanted to take his hand in mine and thank him. Thank him beyond words for
saving my life.
But I could not. I did not have the courage. So instead, I lifted my trembling
hand to my neck. I placed it in the same spot as his injury. Making sure I had his
undivided attention, I bowed my head in thanks.
Flame stilled at my gesture, then, with his nostrils flaring, and his chest
heaving, he stepped forward. My heart raced when I thought he was about to
climb the stairs and meet me. But after only one step, it was as though something
stopped him dead in his tracks.
My heart fell.
I could tell he wanted to come to me.
I could tell that he wanted to speak to me. But like me, it was not that simple.
Feeling someone come up behind me, my stomach rolled when Flame’s calm
demeanor suddenly snapped as he looked over my shoulder. The tortured man I
witnessed controlling his rage each night broke back through on a graveled
growl.
 “Maddie?” Pastor James called. The sound of the Pastor’s voice and her
presence at my side seemed to send Flame over the edge. His eyes clouded with
rage. His feet carried him forward. With a threatening menace, his harsh
demeanor held the promise of pain.
Barely breathing, I followed my instincts and ran down the church steps. Flame
coming back from wherever he had been in his tortured mind with every step I
took towards him.
AK spoke. “Maddie, we need you to come back with us.”
Flame was breathing as heavy as if he had been running for endless hours, a
sheen of sweat gleaming on his pale, drawn in face.
Without looking at AK, I nodded my head. AK moved in near Flame and said
quietly, “She’s coming back with us, okay? She can ride in the truck with me.”
Flame stiffened and shook his head, as if what AK had said did not please him.
AK inched closer and said, “Look at me, brother.”
Flame did not remove his gaze from me. AK tried again. “Flame, look at me.”
This time Flame did. But it was not a friendly expression.
AK held his hand over his chest. “Do you trust me? After everything we’ve
been through, do you trust me to bring Maddie home safely?”
Viking moved to AK’s side. I watched as Flame darted his glance between the
two. With a visible sag of his shoulders and a long sigh, Flame croaked huskily,
“Yeah.”
AK relaxed. Looking to me he held his hand out in the direction of the truck. I
walked forward, but refused the seat in the front of the vehicle, instead choosing
to sit in the back.
Sliding into the seat, I met Flame’s apprehensive stare as he watched me get
into the truck and nodded my head, offering an appeasing smile.
Flame’s lips parted and, as AK slipped into the driver’s seat, Flame ran toward
his motorcycle.
The engine started and, before long, we had pulled out onto the busy road. AK
did not say anything to me, but I saw him watching me in the mirror hanging
from the truck’s ceiling.
Wanting to escape his attention, I stared out of the window. When the city gave
way to country roads, the roar of a motorcycle sounded beside me. In seconds,
Flame sped up until his bike was in parallel to our truck… until his place on his
seat was parallel to mine. We remained this way until home.
As we pulled to a stop, Mae came running from the porch. She was still dressed
in her bridesmaid dress, looking as breathtakingly beautiful as always. And as
usual, Styx was close behind.
Reaching my door, Mae pulled it open. Instantly, I saw concern on her face.
“Maddie,” she whispered, clearly in relief. “Are you okay?”
I nodded my head. Taking Mae’s outstretched hand, I let her pull me from the
truck and onto the grass. Mae wrapped her arm around my shoulders and began
to lead me toward the cabin. But as we passed Styx, I saw him glaring at Flame,
his hands moving in rapid movements. I did not speak the hand language that
Styx, Mae and most of the men did, but I could tell that he was angry at Flame.
“Styx. Prez—” I heard Viking try to speak to Styx, but clearly Styx had cut him
off.
Mae kept pushing me forward, but the memory of Flame’s face when he had
seen me exit the church, his body weak with injury, and his face pale, caused me
to stop dead.
Whatever the reason was, he had put his recovery aside to save me from
something he viewed as a threat. I exhaled.
He should not be getting punished.
“Maddie? What is wrong?” Mae said from beside me. Stepping out of Mae’s
protective arm, I turned. As soon as I did, a tired looking Flame stood near me.
Styx was still talking with his hands, but Flame watched me as I took a hesitant
step forward. His dark eyes widened as I continued to slowly, and
apprehensively, approach. His hands at his sides clenched, and his jaw became
rigid with tension.
I heard the quiet sound of Mae rushing to Styx, whispering something I could
not hear, but I had one intention, and one intention only.
The smell of oil and leather hit me first, then something I could not make out,
something distinctly Flame. Now only a hairsbreadth away from Flame, my eyes
to the ground, a silence had descended on the group.
Clasping my hands together to maintain my composure, I lifted my head. This
close, I realized I had missed him with a devastating intensity. I realized, that not
once had I felt this safe since he had been gone.
Flame swallowed hard and watched me. My heart fluttered when I admitted to
myself that I liked the way he watched me. I liked that, when I was near, the
pained expression he always wore fell away.
Steeling my fraying nerves, I whispered, “Thank you.” I inhaled a quick breath
to steady my shaking voice, dropped my eyes from his penetrating stare, and
added, “Thank you. Thank you for saving my life.”
The heavy silence felt as though it was choking me. I could hear the breeze, the
night birds in the trees, and then I heard a quick exhale of breath. Raising my
eyes again, I saw Flame’s lips part, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his
shoulders.
Gritting his teeth, his inked gums reading ‘PAIN’ came into full view. Flame
edged forward until his close presence stole my composure. I blinked in rapid
succession trying to brace for what he may do.
Flame’s heavy muscles tensed. His hand began to rise. My body became rigid,
thinking he was going to touch me. My instinct was to pull away, to step back
and refuse contact. But as I looked upon his tired face, I could not help but keep
still.
Flame’s hand trembled as he tried to reach for my face, but as it hovered only
inches away it stopped, hanging suspended in the air. Flame’s eyes glassed over.
Then with a pent up exhale, he withdrew his hand and stumbled back.
Whipping my head to my right, Mae was staring at me, her mouth parted in
shock. Styx was glaring, eyes narrowed. My skin instantly set on fire, my cheeks
blazing with embarrassment.
Stepping back, I headed toward the cabin, desperate to escape the attention.
Mae rushed beside me. Just as I was about to gain the sanctuary of the house, I
heard, “Maddie…” whispered in a guttural, sad voice.
I immediately halted. I glanced over my shoulder to see Flame standing a few
steps before his brothers. He looked at me with such sorrowful eyes that I feared
my heart would crack right down the center.
There was such longing in his expression, as though he was desperate for me to
say something. Anything.
Forcing a smile, I tucked my hair behind my ear, and whispered, “Good night,
Flame. I… I am happy you have returned.” In my head I added, “to me,” but that
would never be said aloud.



Chapter Three

Flame

I watched her go until the door of the Prez’s cabin clicked shut. I didn’t move. I
just stared at the wooden door, feeling a huge fucking pit in my stomach.
Lifting my hand, I looked down at my rigid fingers. They looked just like
everyone else’s, but they didn’t work the same. Because other people could
touch someone else. They could’ve put their hand on her face after she’d said
thank you. They could’ve felt her skin. They could’ve maybe made her feel
better.
But then the frustration filled my heart, and I thought, Your touch is poison.
You’ll hurt her.
Bending my fingers, I curled them into a fist and heat boiled my blood. I hated
it: I hated that I couldn’t touch her. I hated that when she looked up at me with
those green eyes, I couldn’t fucking speak.
I didn’t know how to speak to her. I just knew I couldn’t. Because I was wrong
in the head. Because I wasn’t like everyone else. Because people said I was a
fucking freak. All my life they’d told me I was born wrong.
“Flame?” Turning my head, AK and Viking were stood beside Prez. Styx
nudged his head at me. Vike then glanced to Styx and back at me. “Come here,
brother.”
 Glancing at the shut door one more time, I dropped my head and walked back
to Prez. Styx watched me the whole way, my lips moving as I counted my steps
under my breath. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…”
I reached Styx at eight. Nine, ten, eleven… On eleven I looked up. My head
twitched under his hard glare. Curling my fingers into my palm, my nails dug
into flesh, enjoying the sharp bite.
Styx shook his head and signed, “Don’t know what the fuck that was all about
with Madds, not sure I want to.” He looked up to AK and Vike, but my eyes
never left him. Turning back to me, he signed, “I get you have some fucked up
obsession with her, that’s your friggin’ deal. But if, or when, you hurt her, you
hurt Mae; and that shit ain’t gonna fly.”
My teeth ground so hard you could hear it out loud. Shaking my head, I hissed,
“I’ll never hurt Maddie. Never.”
Styx didn’t say shit for a while, then nodded his head, backing up toward his
cabin. My eyes followed him all the way, when he signed, “Glad to have you
back, brother. Wasn’t the same with you gone. Life was pretty fucking tame.”
I relaxed my hands. Styx entered his cabin, leaving me stood with Vike and
AK.
AK ran his hand down his face. “Let’s head home.”
But I didn’t want to leave. I needed to stand outside of Maddie’s window. I
needed to keep her safe.
AK got in my line of sight. “Tomorrow, brother. Start your guard shit up again
tomorrow. You’re dead on your feet right now. You need food and you need
sleep. You’ve lost a lotta weight. You’ve got huge fucking black Glad bags
under your tapped strung out eyes. You’re not fucking thinking straight.”
I shook my head, about to tell them to get the fuck gone, when Vike joined AK.
“Flame, it’s happening. Don’t fucking fight us on this, brother. We ain’t slept
much since you’ve been gone, one of us always watching you in that damn sick
house in case you woke and went fucking apeshit at being tied down. So just
give us a fucking break, yeah? Just for one fucking night.”
I wanted to fight. I wanted to tell them to fuck off and leave me with Maddie.
My head twitched under his gaze, but I eventually nodded.
Vike’s shoulders relaxed, and he began walking toward the trees that led to our
cabins. AK followed behind. I fell into step. But just as I was about to break the
cover of trees, something made me look back.
 Maddie.
Maddie sat at her window, watching me leave. My feet came to a stop. She was
on her knees, her hand pressed to the glass. My heart slammed against my rib
cage. When she smiled at me my hands relaxed at my sides, and for a minute,
the pounding in my fucking head stopped. The twitching stopped. And the
feeling that something was crawling under my skin, stopped.
“Flame?” AK called from within the trees. But I couldn’t look away. I didn’t
want this feeling to leave me. I didn’t want to leave her. I just wanted to be near
her.
I fucking just needed to be close.
Maddie, hearing AK shout from the bottom of the hill, sank down to sit on the
window ledge. Her green eyes dulled and the hand on the glass moved to give
me a small wave.
I didn’t move.
She didn’t move.
AK came back through the trees.
My brother came to my side and my body tensed at his closeness. I heard him
sigh. I saw Maddie tilt her head as she observed us. “Flame. You need to come
the fuck home. Leave the little one alone tonight.”
AK waited in silence. Then Maddie’s expression changed, and bowing her
head, she withdrew from the window.
“She’s going to sleep, Flame.”
When she didn’t come back to the window, I turned and followed AK down to
our cabins. When I got to our small clearing, Vike was outside his cabin firing
up the grill.
“Take a seat, I got steaks grilling and beer chilling.”
I walked over to Vike and took my usual seat. AK sat opposite. Reaching into
the cooler, Viking handed a beer to AK and me. I cracked the top with my teeth
and took a long pull. Nothing was said as Viking flipped the steaks, AK picking
at the label of his beer. Then putting the steaks on a plate, Viking handed one to
me.
I shook my head. Viking pushed it in front of my face. “Take it, brother.
You’ve lost a hell of a lotta weight.” I took the plate, but my eyes looked to the
woods. I knew she was up there. I wondered if she was asleep? I wondered what
she looked like asleep? I wanted to watch her sleep.
A cough sounded from Viking. When I looked toward him, both he and AK
had their attentions fixed on me. I shifted on the seat and asked, “What?”
Viking stuffed a chunk of his bloody his steak into his mouth, but AK didn’t
move. I glared back, my legs beginning to twitch, the flames inside beginning to
ignite at his scrutiny.
“What?” I snapped again.
Vike looked at AK and shrugged. Steeling his expression, AK flicked his chin,
and asked, “Why the little one, brother?”
My bouncing legs stopped dead. All my muscles tightened.
AK sat forward. “Why save the little one? Why guard her room? I’m trying to
fucking understand it all.” He glanced to Viking who was now downing his beer,
and looking back to me, added, “You want her? Is that it?”
I didn’t say anything and my jaw clamped shut. I dropped my eyes, my head
twitching at this conversation, then I found my head turning, looking toward the
trees again.
“Is it because she touched you?”
As the question was asked, my head whipped to AK. My hands fisted as I
remembered Maddie wrapping her arms around my waist after I’d killed that
cunt, Moses, at that commune months ago. She’d walked straight up to me and
touched me. But the flames never took hold.
I still didn’t know why. But something happened that day. She’d done
something to me. Somehow she got into my fucking mind. But since then, the
thought of being touched had got worse. Because now I wanted her to touch me.
But I couldn’t ever let her.
“Brother. Talk to me.”
“Yeah. She touched me. After I’d fucked up that cunt, Moses, real bad she
thanked me. She looked up at me with those big green eyes and then she fucking
touched me.” I looked up at AK and Viking. “And I could touch her back. I can’t
touch anyone unless I’m killing them, because of the flames.” I shook my head
as my eyes clouded over and my stomach tightened so much I couldn’t breathe. I
blinked, and said, “But she touched me. The flames didn’t hurt her. I made her
feel good.”
My chest ached at how much I wanted to touch Maddie again. But a deep pit
caved in my stomach when I told myself that I couldn’t. That it was a one-time
thing. Then I saw a drop of water hit the thigh of my leathers. My hand moved
over the water, my finger pushing through the wetness. Then another drop hit.
“Shit!” I heard AK hiss. When I lifted my head, Viking and AK were blurred.
My hand went to my face, and I felt wet on my skin. Wet from my eyes.
AK stood up. “Flame, man. Fuck. Sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. I shouldn’t
have asked about the little one, and the touching, and how you feel about her.
That’s your fucking deal.”
“She would never want me. I’m a fucking retard.” I hit the side of my head
with the heel of my palm as my eyes blurred again. “I don’t think right in here.
I’m fucked up—I don’t get people, they don’t get me. And I ain’t ever gonna be
able to read people. Why would someone as perfect as her want someone as
fucked up as me? Someone who isn’t right in the head?”
AK held out his hand. “Stop fucking talking like that. That bitch fucking
watches you as much as you do her. And I ain’t thinking after what she’s come
from that she’s as perfect as you think. Mae ain’t. Lilah ain’t. What makes you
think she’s different?”
“Because she’s perfect. Everything about her is fucking perfect. Every-fuckin’-
thing.”
AK stepped forward, his palms in the air. “Brother, I think you need to sleep.
Just… yeah. Just get some fucking sleep.”
Vike joined AK. “Go, Flame. Go in your cabin and sleep. Shit’ll feel better
when you’ve got some strength back.”
Dropping the untouched steak to the ground, I got up and turned to my cabin,
but just before I reached the door, I glanced back. “I had to save her. I had to
save her from that bullet. I can’t touch her. I can’t ever… be with her. I can’t…
do that. But I can save her. I can keep her safe.”
AK ran his hands through his dark hair. “I know, man. I fucking know.” He
dropped his head. “And I’ll say it again. That bitch fucking sees something in
you too. Like she gets you or some shit…” He trailed off and his voice got
rougher.
I felt like I should know why. But I never understood other people.
Vike pointed at my cabin door. “Get inside. Get your head down.”
I opened my door and walked inside, confused at my brother’s emotion.
Scanning the room, my things were just as I left them: knives, leathers, guns.
Then I looked to my right, and to the floor. The scalding blood in my veins hit
me like a freight train when I fixed my gaze on that hatch, at the back of the
living room. I held my breath as a slice of pain stabbed through my stomach and
I felt the flames once more. I closed my eyes and stumbled in the direction of my
knives.
I picked up the old steel knife. The one I always used. I stared at the knife. Felt
the evil filling my veins; the fire crawling to the surface. Then I felt my cock get
hard. Felt it push at the zipper of my leathers. And I knew he’d be in my head
any minute.
Breathing fast, muscles pumped and dick hard, I stumbled to the hatch. Lifting
the knife, I held it between my teeth. It was dark, no light on this side of the
room, but my eyes were fixed on that hatch.
Then the voice in my head stirred.
His voice.
The voice that never fucking left me alone.
“Strip,” he ordered, his rough voice loud in my head. Teeth biting down on the
knife’s handle, I hissed, and my eyes rolled back. In seconds I’d ripped off my
cut.
“All of them, boy,” he growled, and I heard the crack of his leather belt follow
the command.
My cock throbbed and tested the zipper of my leathers. Reaching down, my
hands slammed to cup it in my hands. I squeezed and squeezed harder again, my
fist iron-tight until my legs shook, then a roar tore from my throat.
“All of them, boy,” he demanded again. “Get all of them gone.”
Releasing my granite cock, I snapped the button of the leathers, yanking them
apart and wrenched them down my legs.
My shoulders tightened and my chest heaved waiting for the next command.
My hands were balled into fists at my side, my untouched cock aching, hard and
waiting.
My eyes were shut, my teeth gripping harder on the blade, when the voice
suddenly commanded, “Get on the floor.”
My legs dropped from beneath me onto the small hatch built into my cabin’s
floor. I grabbed the blade from my mouth, and with my other hand, took hold of
my dick. Curling my fingers around my flesh, I let my long nails dig in, hissing
at the flash of blinding pain.
I moaned. I moaned loud and my hips thrust forward. My hand started to move;
back and forth, back and forth. It hurt. It burned… it felt so fucking good.
This was what I needed.
This was what I fucking needed.
My mouth dropped open as my hand worked faster. My body tensed as I felt
the fire spiking up my spine. The pressure built in my balls. But I couldn’t come.
It was there. The fire, the flames needing to get out. But I needed… I needed…
In a flash, the steel blade cut down my thigh, the sharp edge slicing into my
flesh. Blood pooled at the wound, as the voice hissed, “One.” He counted me on
with each strike. “Two.” My hand worked faster and faster up and down my
dick, my sharp nails clawing into my thin skin. “Three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine…” I hunched over, my breath hissing through my gritted teeth as the
voice, and the blade’s deep strikes, built me higher and higher. “Ten,” the voice
called louder, blood dripping down my thighs and onto the hatch.
Body tensing, I braced for the final command. My hand squeezed tight, nails
shredding my cock, the blade stabbing deep into my thigh. Then the voice
thundered, “ELEVEN!” With a rush of pure heat, every muscle inside my body
roared with fire. My bones shook with pent up rage, and with a pained scream, I
came. I came so fucking hard that my head threw back and my blade clattered to
the floor.
I fought to breathe, my exhausted body slumping forward. But when I caught
my breath, the usual slam of nausea rolled in my stomach, my body lurching to
the side as I wretched into the waiting bucket beside me.
When there was nothing left in my stomach, the emptiness was replaced with
the rush of shame I felt every night. Every night after I’d cut myself, purged and
obeyed his voice.
My head hung as I felt cum on my legs, mixing with the blood on the floor
beneath me. Shifting my aching tired body, I wrapped my arms around my waist
and fell down to lie on the floor. Sucking in a stuttered breath, my chest
wheezing from my release, I laid over the hatch on the hard cold floor. I closed
my eyes, and tried my best to sleep.
His voice, inside my head, quiet for now.



 Chapter Four

Maddie

I loved to draw.
It was something I had discovered in my many nights spent alone in my
bedroom.
And I was good. At least I thought I was. But more than that, it was my escape.
I got to live out the fantasy life I had dreamed for myself, if my upbringing had
been different… if I were different.
A cold wind wrapped around my body as I sat outside. Sleep did not find me,
and my hands itched to draw. It was the middle of the night, and the stars shone
in the dark sky like diamonds.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled. I loved breathing in the night air. I loved being
outside. I simply loved the peace.
Sitting back on the lawn chair, I reached for the three quarter full sketchpad
lying on the grass. Opening the bound book, I flicked past the first few pages;
pictures of leaves, birds and trees. I skipped past the pages of a young girl in a
meadow, smiling up at the large sun. Four young sisters walking hand in hand—
three dark haired¸ one bright blond—still innocent and untouched.
Then as I turned the next page, I stopped, hands freezing, as a familiar set of
midnight eyes stared up at me from the page, as though they were real and
shining in the moonlight beneath my window.
With a timid finger, I traced the edge of those eyes and wished that I were able
to touch him in reality. I held my right hand in the air, and with my left hand,
intertwined the fingers just to imagine how it might feel.
A hand holding mine.
One simple touch.
A touch that said so much.
A slice of pain hit my chest, and I sighed deeply in sadness. Because since
meeting Flame, my thoughts had changed so much.
 In commune, I used to dream that I was a butterfly. That I would spread my
colorful wings and fly away from all the pain. But now, when Flame was near, I
dreamed anew. I dreamed that one day I would know what his hand felt like
holding mine.
My heart sank at this impossibility. Dropping my hands, I let my fingers loosen
and break their hold.
Suddenly, my attention was pulled by the sound of rustling trees. I sat bolt
upright in the chair and stared at the dark line of the forest. My heart slammed
against my ribcage, when a figure emerged from the heavy foliage.
My breathing paused, fear taking hold, then a familiar pair of leather boots and
trousers entered the moonlit lawn. Blades hung from his belt, and his torso was
naked under the heavy leather cut.
Flame.
My heart, that was already racing, seemed to beat at an impossible speed. And
then Flame lifted his head, and it ceased to beat at all.
The frown that was on his face instantly blanked. His lips mumbling something
under his breath, stilling mid-speech.
I clutched the blanket lying over my knees to my chest. I remained frozen, as
did Flame. I had not expected him to come tonight, his friends had taken him
back to his home. I could see from my window how exhausted he had been. I
could see, even in the haze of moonlight, how tired he was still.
Flame’s hands tensed at his sides. His chest heaved with movement that was
too quick, then he abruptly turned on his heel, and with a rigid back, he headed
back into the forest.
My stomach sank as he turned to leave, and without conscious thought, I
slammed my sketchpad shut, shuffled to the edge of the seat and called out,
“Wait! Do not go!”
Flame stopped dead.
As did I.
Swallowing back my nerves, my shock at what I had just done, I said, “Please,
Flame. Do not go… I… I am glad you are here.”
Flame’s fingers curled and uncurled, then straightening his shoulders, he
slowly turned. His large frame was rigid as he faced me once more. Then he just
stood. Stood at the end of the forest, his attention fixed forward.
 But I wanted him closer.
Still perched on the edge of my seat, I asked, “Would you like to come closer?
I… I have been sitting out here alone as I could not sleep. It…” I took a deep
breath, fighting my natural instinct to flee, and continued. “It would be nice to
have some company.”
Flame remained still, his rigid body convincing me that he would not come any
nearer. Then, to my surprise, he began walking, his powerful legs bringing him
closer to where I sat.
In the still and silent night, I could hear him counting his steps one to eleven,
then repeating it back to himself under his breath. My head tilted to the side as
he approached, a swirl of anticipation and fear mixing in my stomach.
His skin on his arms looked newly cut, and I could not help but feel sad for
him. For whatever had happened to make him need to harm himself in such a
way. Grasping a blade from his belt, his fingers tightened on the handle. Like he
needed the blade as a comfort.
As though he was nervous to be here with me now.
Inhaling a long breath, I asked quietly, “Would you like to sit?” I pointed at the
chair in front of mine. Flame looked at the chair through his long black lashes,
and exhaling sharply through his nose, sat beside me. I smelled the oil and
leather. I smelled the rich musk and spice scent that only belonged to Flame, and
warmth filled my bones.
He was sat beside me.
Flame was sitting right beside me.
Dropping my eyes to the frayed edges of the gray blanket wrapped around me,
I played with the clustered strands of wool just for something to help with the
nerves accosting my body.
But Flame was absolutely still. Absolutely silent.
I glanced to the side, only to see him watching. As soon as our eyes met, he
dropped his. A blush raced to fill my cheeks, and for some unknown reason, a
whisper of a smile pulled on the corner of my mouth.
Lifting my head, I stared at the large moon, and found the courage to speak. “I
did not think you would be coming to see me tonight.”
After several seconds of silence, I believed Flame would not respond. Until I
caught him shift in his seat, and he said roughly, “I couldn’t stay away.”
 My pulse raced at his response and I whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s shoulders shrugged, then focusing back on the blade in his hand, he
said, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I…” Flame trailed off.
“And what?” I pushed.
“I needed to be near you. I needed to know you were safe.”
I watched Flame’s finger stroke along the edge of his blade, but his words
circled my head and my heart bloomed.
“I am happy you came,” I said in response. Drawing in a breath, I added, “I… I
have missed you…” The confession was made on a whisper, my voice too
nervous to be bold. Though I meant it with all my heart. I had missed him more
than I ever thought possible.
Flame’s sharp exhale slipped from his lips. “I can’t fucking stand that I was
gone from you that long. It’s fucking with my head.”
My attention slipped to the red scar at the side of his neck, his gauze now gone,
and I asked, “Were you in pain?” My stomach turned. “I cannot bear the thought
of you in pain because of me.”
“No,” Flame said coldly. “There was no pain. I’m good with pain. But they
fucking strapped me down. They strapped me down and I couldn’t fucking stand
it. Then they drugged me. Drugged me so I couldn’t get to them. Couldn’t kill
the men that strapped me down.”
Flame was panting, his nostrils flaring. My head dropped. “It was my fault,” I
whispered. “It was my fault you had to go through that.”
“I had to protect you.” He then shifted in his seat and admitted, “When I woke
up, when AK and Viking woke me up, you were the first person I thought of.
And I had to see you. I just… I just had to fucking see you.”
My lip hooked at the corner, his desperate need to see me igniting a flicker of
happiness in my heart. But as I looked at his face, at the dark circles below his
eyes, that smiled faded.
“You appear tired,” I said quietly, and Flame briefly closed his eyes.
“I don’t sleep. I can never fucking sleep.”
Flame’s torso went rigid, his knuckles white as they gripped the blade and I
whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s head shook and his teeth gritted together. Then staring into the
distance, replied, “I just fucking can’t.”
Understanding he did not want to talk about it, I let it be. “I understand,” I
soothed. “I do not sleep much either.” Brother Moses’ face flitted through my
mind, and I explained, “I have too many memories that visit at night…
memories I would rather not relive.”
Flame sucked in a quick breath, but said nothing in response. Another sweep of
cold wind whipped around the lawn, and I pulled the blanket up to my chin.
Shifting in my seat, I turned to curl up in Flame’s direction.
Flame’s head was resting against the high back of the chair. As I drank in his
large frame, his dark hair and beard, his heavy covering of tattoos and his many
piercings, I found myself feeling more at ease than I had in weeks.
“I am happy you are back, Flame. I found myself at a loss without you.”
“You did?”
“Completely lost. You… you are the only person that ever makes me feel safe.
When you were gone…” I trailed off, unable to express how his absence made
me feel.
Flame groaned. “Maddie…”
My heart beat hard at the desperate tone to his voice. “Flame,” I whispered
back, his dark eyes trapped mine.
The air was static between us, a thick fog shrouding where we sat. My heart
beat erratically, and unsteady breaths slipped through my lips. Then a voice
called from the side of the house, shattering the moment.
“Maddie?”
I looked behind me, only to see Lilah rushing into the clearing.
My eyebrows pulled down. “Lilah?” I shifted forward in my seat. “Are you
okay? It is the middle of the night. Why are you here?”
Lilah approached, then her steps faltered when she saw Flame at my side. I
blushed, fearing how this would be perceived. Finding her composure, she
waved her hand. “You are needed. We all are. Ky has received a call from the
compound. He has the truck to take us there.”
I got to my feet, wondering why we could possibly be required, then I felt
Flame standing behind me. Lilah glanced over my shoulder, and I sighed in
relief when I heard, “I’m coming too.”
 Lilah turned on her heel and I followed suit, Flame shortly behind. As we came
to the front of the house, Mae, Styx, and Ky were there. All eyes turned our way
as we walked through. Ky looked to Flame and said, “Fuck, brother. Shouldn’t
you be sleeping or some shit?”
I heard Flame’s deep breathing, and he spat, “I’m coming with you.”
Styx shook his head, and Mae watched me with narrowed eyes. Ky broke the
awkward silence. “Let’s get the fuck to the clubhouse.”
All of us got into the truck, Flame jumping in the bed at the back. And in
silence, we set off onto the country road.
When we exited the truck it was to meet a crowd, including Tank, Beauty,
Tanner, Bull, Smiler and Letti. All of them turned our way when they heard us
approach. I stayed close to Flame’s side. There were too many men. Too many
people. They made me feel nervous.
“Everyone clear the fuck out!” Ky ordered, seeming to understand. The rest of
the men and women I did not know walked into the clubhouse.
Beauty stepped forward. “She just turned up. We were all drinking in the bar
when we heard her fucking screaming from outside. The young bitch is in a real
fucking state, banging on the front gate, raising hell and all she keeps asking for
are the three Cursed Sisters of The Order,” Beauty pointed at Lilah, Mae and I,
“And that’ll be you fucking fine ladies.”
“What?” Mae whispered in disbelief. Mae moved forward, Lilah following
closely behind; she pushed past Tank and Bull. I heard her gasp, then say, “It is
okay. We will not hurt you.”
Beauty saw me stand back near Flame. She waved her hand for me to move
closer. I hesitated, then Beauty insisted, “Come on, darlin’, she’s been asking for
y’all personally.”
I stepped forward and walked in front of Beauty to stand next to Mae. I
abruptly stopped. Immediately, my heart tore itself into shreds. A young girl.
Maybe fourteen or fifteen, dirtied, cut and bleeding, dressed in a ripped and
soiled long gray dress. The staple gray dress from The Order. Her white
headdress was half hanging off her head, her dark blond hair underneath pitted
with mud. And her eyes, her deep blue eyes were glassy with fear. She had
backed into the corner of the gate, her hands out, trying to keep people at bay.
I saw her eyes flare when Lilah, Mae and I stood before her. On a pained sob,
she fell to the ground, her hand covering her mouth. Lilah looked to me and I
could see the panic on her face.
Mae, however, just inched forward, her hands held out too. “Be calm,” Mae
soothed. The girl froze. “My name is Mae,” Mae explained. She pointed behind
at us. “This is Lilah and Maddie.”
The young girl’s bloodied lip quivered and she asked, “Are you the Cursed
Sisters of Eve?” My body jolted as she called us by that title, but Mae just
nodded her head. “We used to be. I am Salome. This is Delilah. This is
Magdalene,” Mae explained, pointing to Lilah and I once more.
The girl released another sob, her frail shoulders hunched over. “I found you,”
she whispered brokenly, through her tears. “I really found you.”
Mae looked back, questions evident in her eyes. Lilah joined Mae, and
crouched down to meet the young girl’s eyes. “Do you have a name?”
The girl seemed to steady her breathing, and said quietly, “Sarai. My name is
Sarai.”
Lilah smiled gently. “Sarai, can you tell us what has happened. Where you
have come from?”
Sarai straightened, wincing as she moved her legs. Without her speaking a
word, I knew she had been violated. I felt like screaming out loud. She was a
child. That awful place had hurt another child.
“I… I have come from New Zion. I managed to escape.” Sarai closed her eyes
for the briefest of moments, then met Lilah’s eyes, and said, “They kept hurting
us. They kept doing things to us. Bad things.” I fought back nausea as she spoke,
knowing the feeling all too well. “Some of the girls had spoken about the Cursed
Sisters that had escaped. Many of the girls talk of how you got away… and
when… when… when they hurt me… hurt us tonight, we ran too.”
Lilah swallowed and asked, “Who is we, Sarai?”
Sarai’s face scrunched in pain and another sob escaped her throat. “My friends.
But… but they got caught at the gate. They did not tell the guards I was there, in
hiding. They helped me to get free. I have been travelling for hours. Someone
helped bring me here. A stranger, someone that saw me lost on a road
somewhere…” Sarai broke down again.
Lilah got to her feet, and looked at Mae. “Mae?”
But before Mae could speak, Ky said, “Are y’all believing this shit?”
Lilah’s wide eyes went to her husband. “Ky! Please.” Sarai, at Ky’s harsh tone,
curled into herself further, her scratched and swollen ankles appearing under her
dress.
“What? A bitch from the cult turns up in the middle of the fucking night and no
one is thinking this could be a fucking set up? The cult that definitely wants us
all fucking dead.” He turned to Styx. “Tell me I’m not alone in this, brother?”
Styx signed something and Mae shook her head. “She is terrified, baby. I get
what you are saying. I understand that you are wary, but look at her. Anyone can
see she is petrified.”
I followed Mae’s finger to Sarai who was huddled on the ground. Her pretty
face was pale and her body shook with fear. Mae’s breathing hitched, and
looking to Styx, she said, “That was me. I was this girl. I was this girl running to
escape that hell.” Mae stepped to Styx and ran her finger down his face. “The
girl you saved.” Mae shook her head and dropped her eyes. “We cannot leave
her. She needs our help. I cannot send her away.”
Styx tipped his head back, then staring at his wife, signed something back.
Mae straightened her shoulders, and said, “We need to get her cleaned up. She
needs food and a doctor. I think she has been raped.”
“For fuck’s sake!” I heard Ky snap, but I could not take my eyes off the young
girl. She was bruised, beaten and broken… I knew exactly how she felt.
Styx signed something to Tank and he pulled out his cell. “Where do I get the
doc to go?”
Lilah lifted her hand. “Our cabin. She can stay with us.”
“What?” Ky bit out, anger in his voice.
Lilah faced Ky. “Maddie lives with Mae. There is no room. We have plenty,
and…” Lilah’s words trailed off and she took a deep breath. “Ky you do not
understand. You do not understand what life is like in that commune as a young
girl. How brave she is to leave that life, and at her age. She—” Lilah’s words
stopped as Ky pulled her to his chest.
“Fuck, Li. Fine. She comes with us. Just don’t fucking do it to yourself. Don’t
fucking go back to those thoughts.”
“Thank you,” Lilah whispered, gripping tightly onto Ky’s cut.
Lilah broke from Ky, and she and Mae approached Sarai, helping her to her
feet. I did not move. And when she cried out from the pain between her legs, I
thought my legs would give way.
 They had hurt her.
Hurt her as they did us.
Mae and Lilah walked Sarai back to Ky’s truck. I followed behind, Flame by
my side. Flame and Styx jumped into the bed of the truck, and in minutes we
were pulling into Lilah’s cabin.
Mae and Lilah took Sarai straight inside, Styx and Ky following close behind. I
exited the truck, and Flame was immediately behind me. Turning to face him, I
said, “I had better go inside with my sisters.”
Flame did not say anything in response.
But just as I moved to walk inside, I stopped, and facing him, said, “I… I
enjoyed talking with you tonight.” Flame’s nostrils flared. Fighting back nerves,
I said, “Perhaps… If you would like to… we could talk more tomorrow?”
Flame’s hand tightened on the blade in his hand, and he said, “Yeah.”
My cheeks heated with excitement. Dropping my eyes, I said, “Then good
night, Flame. I shall see you tomorrow.”
I walked into the cabin, helping Mae and Lilah support the young beaten girl.
But it was no surprise, that when I looked out of the window, Flame was
standing below.



 Chapter Five

Prophet Cain
New Zion Commune

“Cain, why are you out here?”
I turned round at the sound of my brother Judah’s voice. He was walking
toward me, his long brown hair tied back in a ponytail, and a frown firmly on his
face; the face of my identical twin.
I looked back across the gardens of our mansion, watching our people tending
to the vast lawns. Judah’s consort, Phebe, was working in the herb garden. I had
been out here for a couple of hours now and she had occupied most of my focus,
as she silently overturned soil and planted seeds. During the last few weeks her
bright personality had dimmed. She was still at Judah’s side, and still in his bed,
but something in her demeanor had changed.
Judah’s hand suddenly landed on my shoulder. He kept it there as he sat beside
me on the steps leading down to the garden path.
His face instantly turned to mine. “Brother? Are you okay?”
I tapped my hand on his knee. “I’m well. I needed some space. The daily
sermons, the meetings with the Klan, and the Hangmen issues, are tiring.”
Judah nodded his head in understanding. He removed his arm from around my
shoulder and rested it on his lap. “Now you mention it, you do seem to have
become increasingly distant.”
I ran a hand down my face, my stomach rolling with the fear that I was letting
Judah down. Letting our people down. “I know. There’s just so much to do. Our
people are many; having their faith and expectations of our salvation solely in
my hands is a great burden.”
Judah looked out over the gardens, his brown eyes drinking in the sight of our
people working in the garden. I followed his gaze. A young boy, evidently
feeling our attention, looked up. As soon as his gaze met mine, his head dipped
and he bowed. My chest tightened as he turned back to his work, his head not
rising again.
As I studied the boy, I figured he must be about fifteen. All gangly limbs and
awkward movements. I thought back to what I was doing at that age. Memories
of Judah and I locked in a room for hours each day, learning scripture. Our
scholar made sure we knew our scriptures by heart. Our uncle—Prophet David’s
—picture on the wall was our only decoration. There was no playtime for us, no
relaxation. Our faith had taught us that we must constantly work hard. Work
hard, so when the day came for my ascension, we would be ready.
There had been no human contact, save with each other and our scholar.
There had been no love, but for that of each other. And there had been no one
to confide in, to ask questions of, than each other.
This life was all that I had known until I was sent on a mission to infiltrate the
Hangmen. A mission from our Prophet. One that would secure our finances by
taking their gun trade contacts from under their nose—to house and keep our
people safe until the Day of Judgment fell upon us.
Judah suddenly leaned in beside me and said in a low voice, “See how our
followers worship you, brother? You may have doubts about who you are to us,
but we do not. Was it not the same with Jesus? He too had doubts, but his
disciples kept him strong. Just as I do for you.”
Judah’s hand rested over mine. “Look at me, Cain.” I did. “You are meant for
this. And I will do anything you ask of me. Anything.”
Feeling the wound-up coil of tension loosen in my stomach, I squeezed Judah’s
hand and sighed in relief. “I know, Judah. I am sure that it’s you, and you alone,
who makes this calling bearable.”
Judah smiled at my words, and we went back to gazing out over the gardens.
Judah sat back, resting on his hands, and said, “I’ve just had contact from the
Klan. They are putting our plan into action today. They’ve got word on a cash
drop off, north of Georgetown, with one of their biggest buyers. It’s the perfect
first target. The Klan will make it clear that anyone trading with the Hangmen is
a potential target. Then, between us and the Klan’s Grand Wizards, we can reap
their lost business.”
Judah smiled wide and continued. “Just imagine what we could create for our
people, Cain. With that money we can truly make New Zion a heaven on Earth.
We can realize the prophecy. I am forever grateful that Governor Ayer’s son
defected from the Klan and joined the Hangmen. It poured gasoline on the White
Knights' already smoldering fire. With his personal vendetta against his son, and
the MC for taking him in, I am convinced the Klan won’t fail.”
I listened to Judah’s words, but said, “The Hangmen are strong, Judah. I spent
five years pretending to be one of them. Their reach goes further than we or the
Klan can contend with at the moment. To make us victors over the MC, we must
wait. Everything will take time, like Governor Ayers said. We must play our
cards appropriately. Not do anything to prod the fire. If they choose to attack
now, then we would face another massacre like that of the old commune. We
wouldn’t survive another attack.”
Judah frowned, but then asserted, “This drop off attack from the Klan is a start.
The war is coming for us all, whether we like it or not. And for that we need
their gun trade. The Klan will come through on their gradual attacks, I am sure.
Then our vision for our people will begin.”
I could clearly picture this dream in my head, but when I thought of the Klan
targeting the Hangmen at a drop off, drop offs that I used to run, I countered,
“Innocent people will die in the attack. The Hangmen always conduct their
business publically. Covert planning and organizing, but publically carrying the
plans out, to ensure no one attacks them without being seen.”
Judah’s happy expression fell. “This is a Holy War, Cain. Innocent lives will
be claimed, but the Lord will save their souls. Their deaths should not be on your
conscience. It is the way it must be.”
I didn’t at first reply, but it didn’t sit well with me, so I warned, “You need to
tell Landry to get his men to keep the number of innocent lives to a minimum. It
cannot be traced back to us, if it makes the news. Our anonymity is the only
thing that protects all. The sinners in the outside world will not understand our
ways. We will be targeted and all that we have built will be destroyed.”
Judah exhaled. “Done, brother. I’ll make the call myself.”
We sat in silence. I could see Judah watching his consort. She glanced up and
bowed at us both, but quickly went back to her duties. I frowned.
“Your consort has been quiet of late, Judah.” Judah sat forward, coming into
my line of sight. His expression showed he was not too concerned by this
development.
“She was my first consort. She had me solely to herself for a time, but now I
have taken another. She is sulking over it.” He looked at me and shrugged. “She
knows it is God’s will that we take many women under our guidance, that we
school them to be obedient to men, and impregnate many to spread the message
of our faith. She cannot move past her jealousy. If she continues to resist, I will
make her move past it.”
I looked to the consort clipping the herbs. “You have taken another? I didn’t
know this.”
Judah sighed. “I took her, but did not tell you. You do not take consorts as the
prophet. I did not want you to be envious that I am free to take as many as I
wish, without the need for marriage.”
My stomach tightened as he spoke those words. “Judah, please don’t keep
anything from me. Not you.”
Placing his hand on the back of my head, he pulled me down to lay a kiss on
my head. “No more. I swear.”
Sitting back, I asked, “What is she like? This new consort?”
The smile on Judah’s face was immediate. “She is incredible. I admit she’s
gained my favor. She is obedient and willing to do anything for the Lord’s cause.
She was introduced to me by Brother Luke. He ensures that our brothers here in
New Zion are doing their part in the spiritual expansion of our women.”
Judah sat up and looked to me. “In fact, there are some you should meet. You
may like them. Brother Luke has videos for you to watch, of the women that are
a cut above the rest, women that could become your wives. The one’s only
worthy of the Prophet.”
My eyebrows pulled down. “I am for the prophesized Cursed wife, Judah.”
“Our uncle had many wives. Surely as long as you gain the Cursed’s hand
eventually, this is all that matters. The scripture does not state that you were to
have her and only her. You are always alone. It is a miserable existence, yet you
could take so many females to stand by your side.”
“Brother Judah?” A voice called from behind. When we turned, Brother Luke
stood in the doorway. He bowed his head to me, then said to Judah, “Brother, I
have received the call we have been waiting for.”
Judah held up a hand signaling he would be coming. Just as he made to stand,
he said, “I know you find this role stifling, but I am working on ways to help
you. New developments to make us impossibly strong. I am the Prophet’s Hand,
my duty is to serve and advise you. But more than that, I am your twin. And I
want to see all The Order’s prophecies realized. I swear, Cain, nothing will stop
me from achieving this goal for you. Nothing.”
Exhaling, feeling lighter by his words, I lowered my head. “Thank you, Judah.
That means everything to me. Just… just do not do anything foolish. Remember,
our salvation will come, but it will take time.”
Judah tapped his hand on my back, then disappeared into the mansion.
Left with my thoughts, I leaned forward, pushing my hands through my hair,
elbows on knees. The siren sounded, calling our people for their prayers. I
watched the workers begin to leave.
But Judah’s consort held back. It was as though she did not want to go. I kept
my focus on her, watching as she continued tending to the herbs. Then she
glanced up and saw me. A deep blush immediately filled her cheeks. The consort
rushed to her feet and moved to hurry to prayers. As I watched her meet the
garden path, something inside of me pushed me to call her name.
“Sister Phebe!” She stopped dead, and with a downcast head, turned to face
me. Her bright red hair was tied back away from her face. Even from this
distance I could see her chewing on her bottom lip.
“Come here,” I commanded, registering that we were now alone. Sister Phebe
picked up the hem of her long dress and walked toward me. When she reached
the bottom of the steps, she stopped. Her head remained bowed, as was required
in the presence of the Lord’s Prophet.
“Be at ease, sister,” I ordered. Sister Phebe relaxed her shoulders but her eyes
remained downcast. “Look at me.”
Seeing her expel a long sigh, she lifted her head and her blue eyes met mine. I
studied her features. She was pretty. Her skin was pale, but clear and smooth, her
hair was striking and her eyes seemed warm. I could understand why my brother
took her as one of his women. Sister Phebe glanced to the side under my scrutiny
and, for a moment, I could discern her sister's looks in her face. I could see the
Cursed Delilah.
Judah’s consort nervously rocked on her feet, so I sat forward and asked, “How
are you, Sister Phebe?”
Phebe’s eyes snapped to mine and she swallowed. “I am well, my Lord.”
Her lips began to tremble. “I don’t think you are, sister. You have not been
acting like your normal self for weeks.” I paused and watched her head lower
again, then added, “Is it because Judah has taken a second?”
Lifting her head, Phebe’s eyes widened at my question. She quickly shook her
head. “No, my Lord.”
 “Are you sure? Your mood change is not due to jealousy? Because jealousy has
no place in this commune, nor your heart. You know our scriptures condemn
envy and greed.”
A firm expression set on Phebe’s face and she replied, “I am absolutely not
jealous, my Lord. I know taking several consorts is what our scripture advises.”
Resting my elbows on my knees, I asked, “Then what is it?” She went to open
her mouth, when I commanded harshly, “And do not lie to your Prophet.”
Phebe’s mouth slammed shut. A sudden empty feeling filled my stomach. Then
a thought crossed my mind. “Judah has not hurt you, has he?”
Phebe’s lips parted, but she shook her head. She moved to speak, but then
something stopped her.
“Speak,” I demanded.
Phebe shook her head in refusal. “What is troubling me is sinful, my Lord. It is
wrong, but I cannot stop thinking about it all the same.”
I tried to imagine what could be sinful to her, then remembered her avoidance
of the call to prayer. “Are these thoughts why you missed prayers?”
Phebe hesitated, then reluctantly nodded her head. “I am unclean. I am not
worthy of prayer.” Tears filled her eyes, and I found myself getting to my feet. I
walked down the steps until I stood right before her. Phebe, this close, was
shaking. Reaching my hand up, I placed my finger under her chin, until her eyes
clashed with my own.
A tear fell down her cheek.
“Tell me what you fear is sinful.” Phebe tried to pull away. “No!” I
commanded. She froze. “You will tell me, now!”
Phebe’s lip trembled, but she forced herself to whisper, “It is… it is my sister.
It is my Rebek—,” She corrected the name. “It is my Delilah.”
I immediately dropped my hand. Phebe lowered her head once more. “I told
you it was sinful, my Lord. I am wrong to keep thinking of her. To keep thinking
of what was done to her all those weeks ago.”
I stepped back. I thought of Delilah’s face as I told her to confess her sins to
me, when she had been recaptured from the Hangmen compound. She had
refused. And I had washed my hands of her. She was Mae’s sister. I could not
deal with someone Mae loved. She was still my weakness.
Judah took over her instruction as I took myself into seclusion, to atone for my
weakness over that woman. Salome. My destined wife.
I never asked Judah what was done to Delilah. I could not. I could not bring
myself to hear what she received in punishment for disobeying our ways.
Phebe interrupted my reflection. She lifted her head and cried, “My Lord, I
cannot rid my mind of what was done to her. Of what she looked like when I
found her on the Hill of Perdition, hanging from a stake and being spiritually
cleansed by the brothers.” She sobbed, and continued, “Then seeing the devil’s
men come to retrieve her. Of what they did to the brothers in their rage.”
I swallowed as she talked of the fallen brothers, of their punishments, of
Delilah, of the Hangmen breaking into my commune unnoticed, severing the one
remaining link I had to Mae.
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I reassured, “Truly, it was too much for you
to witness, Sister. For you to see the brother’s slain bodies.”
Phebe cried harder and shook her head. “No…” she whispered. I pulled back
my hand.
“No, what?”
Sniffing, Phebe wiped at her eyes, then confessed, “I sin because I rejoice at
what the devil’s men did. I am happy that they killed our brothers.” Her blue
eyes stared straight ahead, losing focus. “After what they had just done to
Delilah, I was happy. They went further than Judah had commanded, even
though what he ordered was not at all based on our scripture. But… but I could
not speak up. I dared not question a command of the Prophet’s Hand.”
Her eyes fixed on mine and she said coldly, “They violated her. They took her,
they hurt her over and over again. But that was not supposed to be her
punishment. Judah… Judah ordered them to make Delilah suffer. Of course, I
was not meant to have heard his command. But… but I did.”
Clearing her throat, she squared her shoulders and continued. “When the
devil’s men took Delilah; when the man with long blond hair saved her and held
her protectively in his arms… I was happy.”
Phebe ran her hand over her forehead, clearly in distress.
What she had said raced through my mind. Judah had issued a punishment not-
of-scripture? Delilah had been put on a stake? They had… repeatedly taken her?
Phebe was staring at me as I lowered my gaze. “My Lord, I believe that if you
had issued the punishment, it would not have been of that nature.” She sucked in
a breath and boldly asked, “Am I correct?”
I fought to breathe at the thought of what Phebe had so graphically described.
But she was wrong. Surely she had to be wrong?
I rallied, then asked, “You were tied up to a tree, were you not? Judah
reported that his consort was found tied to a tree, dehydrated and distressed.”
What looked like hope quickly disappeared from Phebe’s eyes. “Yes, my
Lord.”
Folding my arms over my chest, I probed, “So you may not have seen what
you think you did?”
“I—” Her mouth opened then quickly closed.
“The devil’s men tied you up, Sister. Your body was injured when you were
found, was it not?”
She nodded. “Because of the many hours I was there, not because those men
hurt me.” She blinked. Then blinked again. “In fact, the man with the long
brown hair who tied me up was gentle. And he… and he stared at me the entire
time. There was something in his eyes. He—” she stopped speaking when her
cheeks filled with redness.
My jaw ached with how hard I was gritting my teeth. I believed in Judah. I
believed my brother would not have sanctioned such acts against the Cursed
Delilah. I looked to Phebe again. Her big eyes were staring up at me, rather too
intently.
My stomach rolled when I realized this could be a ruse. Containing my anger, I
asked, “Are you sure you are not simply bitter over Judah taking a second? One,
by his own confession, who is a perfect consort? And all of this, this imagining,
is merely to regain his attention?”
Phebe’s face paled to a deathly white. “No, my Lord.”
“But can you see how you could have imagined it all due to your dehydration
and many hours tied up, unable to move?”
Phebe paused then, eventually, her shoulders sagged. “Yes, my Lord.”
Relief filled my veins and I stepped back. “Do you have duties to perform
tonight, Sister?”
“Yes,” she replied, “I am the head Sacred Sister. We are to leave the commune
tonight to spread the Lord’s love.”
 “No,” I snapped. Phebe flinched. “You are to go into seclusion until you rid
yourself of your sinful thoughts. I will inform Judah.”
Phebe’s eyes became eerily wide. “But, my Lord. Judah, he will—”
“Do not question me, Sister,” I bellowed coldly. Phebe immediately dropped to
the ground, prostrating herself at my feet.
“I am sorry, my Lord.”
Turning, I left Phebe on the ground. I swiftly climbed the steps, rushing toward
the solitude of my mansion. With every step I thought of what Phebe had said
about Judah, Delilah, the fallen brothers.
And with every step, I told myself that what she had just divulged could, in no
way, be true. That Judah was simply not capable of such cruelty, of such
depravity. And he would never ever break the edicts of scripture, to defy what
we held to be true.
He was my brother.
He would never betray me in such a way.



 Chapter Six

Flame

I followed behind AK, Vike to my right, Hush and Cowboy bringing up the rear
in the truck. It was a real quick drop off, Georgetown, which I was fucking good
with. My skin was jumping so damn much I could barely fucking ride.
We pulled into the busy main street. People were all around, but I kept my head
forward, tightening my jaw, trying to keep my shit together. Styx hadn’t wanted
me on this run today. In fact, he fucking banned it. Said I hadn’t been right since
I came back from hospital. Said he thought I was a fucking curse on this cash
drop.
I’d almost fucking snapped. I went everywhere with AK and Vike. I was with
them on every drop. This was AK’s deal, and that meant I was fucking going.
AK had told Styx he’d needed me, that he’d watch me. I’d had to bite my
fucking tongue at that, but Vike had whispered to me to keep my mouth shut.
Styx allowed it, but warned me to calm the fuck down.
Shaking my head to focus, I saw AK hold up his hand and signal to the left. It
led us to a side street. A street much quieter than the main road. Less witnesses.
Seeing the Chechen town car up ahead, we came to a stop. AK got off his
bike. Vike and I pulled to a stop a few yards back. Hush and Cowboy pulled to a
stop right behind. I heard them get out of the truck and walk to the front.
Then a blinding rush of heat surged through my body. They’d been coming
more and more since I’d been tied down in that fucking hospital for weeks on
end. I curled my hands, sharp fingernails digging into my palm. I counted my
breaths, in and out, swallowing back the craving to take my blade out on the
public road.
“Y’all good man?” I heard from behind. Turning my head, Cowboy was staring
at me, his shades now in hand, Stetson shading his narrowed eyes. He was right
next to Hush, my mixed race brother with the bright blue eyes. He was sitting on
the hood of the truck with this thick-set arms across his chest. The Cajun newly
patched brothers were always together.
 I grunted, just as another wave almost knocked me off my fucking bike.
“He’s good,” Vike said from in front of me. I fixed my attention forward,
seeing AK talking to a guy in a suit.
As my nails dug in, I tracked the people on the streets. Men, women, kids.
Then my eyes stopped on a woman holding a little baby in her arms, a little boy
by her side, holding her dress.
Like taking a hit to the back with a crowbar, all the air left my lungs. My nails
dug deeper into my palm. The woman was smiling at the little boy, then she
smiled at the baby. I could feel my body shaking. I could feel my stomach
tightening.
Shut the fuck up, boy, and get down there. I heard his voice say in my head.
Sinners belong in the dark.
Then I could hear her begging, Leave him alone. Please, just leave him alone…
I blinked. I shook my head, desperately trying to get their voices out of my
head. I shot my eyes to AK. He was still talking to the Chechen. I could hear
grunts and growls coming from my throat. I stood off my saddle.
Viking’s head turned to me. “Flame?” he said slowly, but I didn’t look at him. I
needed AK to hurry the fuck up. I had to get out of this fucking place. I looked
to my right. The woman was still there with the baby and the boy. They were
crossing the road. Then the blood drained from my face.
The little boy was looking at me as they waited. His eyes were watching me,
just me. He pointed at my bike and said something to his mother. She smiled at
him. His mother smiled at him. Then he waved. My nails dug in harder. But
vomit was clawing up my throat. The pain of sharp nails didn’t remove the sick
feeling in my stomach, of the puke climbing up my throat. I stood, watching the
boy wave as he began to cross the road, and I froze.
My eyes were filling with black spots. My throat was closing up, as the
darkness crept in. I couldn’t take the darkness. I couldn’t stand the
motherfucking darkness.
I was losing my shit.
“Flame. Brother. You need to calm the fuck down. You need to breathe.
You’re growling out loud. You’re fucking pulling attention.” Vike was in front
of me, but the black spots were blurring his face. “You’re having one of your
freak outs. Just try to breathe.”
 “The flames,” I said as my fingers began clawing at the skin on my throat.
“The flames are choking me. They’re fucking choking me.”
“Fuck!” Viking spat. I saw AK up ahead turning to look at me. His eyes found
me. He quickly said something to the Chechen.
AK began walking back. I counted his rushed steps. One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven—
Then three loud bangs suddenly shot out into the street, the clear sound of
gunfire piercing through my head.
“Get down!” Hush shouted from behind. But I couldn’t. My eyes scanned the
road, tracking the people falling to ground. The Chechen had been hit. His body
sprawled on the asphalt, blood leaking from his skull.
My body burned, burned with need to kill as I searched for the shooters. Then a
high-pitched scream almost burst my ears. I ran forward. But the more the
screaming came, the more I lost my shit.
Then I stopped dead, heart beating way too fast, black spots still filling my
eyes. The mother had been shot. The little boy sat beside her, crying… and the
baby… the baby was no longer in its white blanket. It was on the ground. Its legs
were kicking. Its arms were flailing. Its face was red with its cries.
I glanced back to the little boy who was beside his mother. He was crying, this
time looking at the baby on the ground. But he couldn’t touch it. He couldn’t
fucking touch it.
Then he looked up at me. He looked up at me and held out his arms. His face
was pleading. His mother was shot, but he held up his arms for me.
Pain rushed through my head and my hands balled into fists at my side. The
boy was screaming, still holding his hands out. The baby was still on the ground,
crying. Then the boy moved. He started crawling toward me. His dark eyes look
up at me, but I was rooted to the spot. He was crawling to me, wanting me to
hold him… to touch him.
No, no, no… He was getting closer, still I couldn’t move.
His screams got louder. The baby’s fucking screams got louder.
The screams were filling my head to bursting. They were poisoning my head.
The boy came closer still.
I had to move. I had to get the fuck away.
Then the boy stopped at my feet.
 He reached out. He almost touched my leg. Then feeling the rage take hold, I
roared, “NO!”
The boy fell back in shock. I turned. Hush and Cowboy were running my way.
They ran past me and I saw the Hush pick up the boy. I saw Cowboy pick up the
baby. They gave them to a woman on the street; she was speaking into a cell.
The screams were getting louder in my head, screams I couldn’t stop. The
baby’s screams. The boy’s screams… fuck, they were his screams… In my head,
they were his screams!
“Stop!” I yelled, as AK and Viking rushed toward me.
When they reached me, AK held his hands up. "Flame, fuck,” was all he could
say.
My eyes snapped up. “I need blood,” I growled. “I need to kill.”
“They went north,” Viking informed. I heard the sound of a bike racing away
down the road. I didn’t hesitate to fucking move.
I ran to my bike. In seconds I was cutting up road, AK and Viking racing
behind. I heard the truck, I heard AK calling my name, but I didn’t slow down. I
had to kill the fuckers. I had to kill the fuckers that shot the woman. That made
the boy cry. That made the baby scream.
Throat tense, I screamed as I burned more gas. And then I could see them. Two
bikes up ahead. Two dirt bikes. Two white men on cheap shitty dirt bikes—the
shooters.
I accelerated as we left the town limits, nothing but farmland came into view.
No cars were on the road. There was nothing but me and the dead men riding
ahead. The dead men I was closing in on. The ones that would pay for the
screaming.
I was closing in. The men rode side by side. One of the men looked back. They
tried to increase their speed, but I was faster.
My Harley closed in. I maneuvered to run beside the cunts. Their faces were
filled with fear as they saw me run parallel to them. The look on their faces
turned my blood to molten lava, scalding my veins. And I needed it out. I needed
the flames to get out.
I needed to kill.
Lifting my leg, I kicked out, hitting the front wheel of the bike closest to me.
The bike fell away, smashing it into the cunt on his right, both of them crashing
into the roadside ditch.
The pricks screamed as they crashed onto the long grass. I slowed my Harley
and, chasing back, brought it to a stop. The bastards were crawling, trying to get
away. All I could see was red. Reaching into my belt, I pulled out my two
favorite knives and closed in for the kill.
My nostrils flared. My skin was prickling with the urge to rip the fuckers apart.
To sink my blade into their flesh. To watch the blood spill on the ground.
I smiled in excitement, my arm muscles straining, holding my knives. They had
broken bones from the crash. They couldn’t get away. They were mine to kill.
Their lives were mine to take.
They panicked as they saw me approach. I licked along the edge of my knife,
tasting the tinny flavor of steel in my mouth. My dick got hard. Got hard just
imagining stabbing into their flesh. Hearing them scream. Hearing them scream
like the little boy. The little baby.
I snapped.
I released a roar and dived at the first man I saw. Sending the blunt end of my
knife into his face, I knocked him back and straddled his legs. Leaning forward,
I watched his eyes widen with fear, and I smiled. I smiled, knowing my fucked
up face was the last thing he’d ever see.
Putting a knife between my teeth, I gripped his throat, pinning him down to the
ground. I could feel his pulse under my hand. I could feel it racing.
I would feel it stop.
Raising my blade, I sent the first strike into his stomach. “One,” I hissed as the
cunt’s back bowed. “Two,” I struck again, hearing the flesh tear under my knife.
My heart pounded with excitement. “Three,” I growled as I hit his stomach once
again. The cunt tried to move, he tried to scream, but I was blocking his screams.
No more screaming.
No more fucking screaming!
“Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.” I hacked his stomach, his blood
spattering my bare chest. The warm blood coated my skin.
The cunt died, his eyes glassing over. But I needed an eleven. Pulling my knife
back, I raised it high. Then, with a loud roar, sent it straight through his
forehead, splitting his skull.
Ripping the blade back from his skull, I jumped to my feet. The other prick was
crawling away. My muscles twitched as I closed in. He heard me, and looking
back over his shoulder, he called out. “Fuck, please. Shit, don’t kill me.”
I ignored his pleas. But he kept on screaming, shouting like a fucking pussy.
His voice incensed me.
He needed to fucking die.
Leaning down, I gripped his hair, bending his head back to bare his throat. I
didn’t wait this time, the need to spill blood burned too strong. Raising my hand,
I sent the blade into his throat—once, twice, three times, four. And I counted all
the way. I counted every strike, his blood splashing up my arms and down my
cheeks. I counted from one to eleven until that fucker was stone cold dead.
But the flames were still too strong in my veins. The kills hadn’t taken away
the screams. The screams were in my head… his screams were in my head.
Those loud screams. Then the quiet screams. Then the silence.
The motherfucking silence.
Then I thought of his face. And I couldn’t touch him. When he needed me to
touch him, I couldn’t. Because I was evil. I had evil in my veins.
The flames. They needed to be out. They all needed to come out. Finally, all of
them, once and for all...
I staggered across the ditch. I dropped one knife to the ground, and tightened
my grip on the other.
“Fuck! Flame! No, brother. Stop. Talk to me. What the fuck’s wrong? Talk to
me!”
I lifted my head. AK… AK was there, he was talking to me, but the sound of
the flames roaring were filling my ears, burning me from the inside. I watched
his mouth as I lifted my knife and slashed it across my stomach. I hissed as I felt
my flesh tear. I closed my eyes as I felt some of the flames leach away. But I
needed more. I needed them all gone. I couldn’t live with the screams in my
head anymore.
I slashed across my arm. I slashed across my chest. And the blood ran out. But
the flames were still inside, I could feel them under my skin. The screams were
still inside. His cries, his screams were still inside. Her screams. Her screams as
he hurt her, as he beat her.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought of his little face. His little face
screaming. His little hands reaching for me. But I couldn’t touch him. I was evil.
I had the devil in my blood. I would hurt him. I would hurt him.
I registered movement. Red hair? Then I saw Vike. “Flame, stop. You’re gonna
fuckin’ kill yourself! I don’t wanna touch you, brother, but so help me God I will
if you don’t fucking stop.”
‘No,” I snarled and backed off, my blade held in front of me. Vike stopped. He
watched as me I lifted my blade and slashed it across my abs.
But it wasn’t enough. They weren’t going away. None of it. My head was too
full. It was all too full; my chest, my veins, my head… all too full.
A hand suddenly knocked my blade from hand. I reached forward, but an arm
grabbed me from behind.
My body shook harder and harder as the arm curled around my throat. It
squeezed and I roared. I fought like fuck to shake free. But the hand was too
strong. Another set of hands grabbed my arms. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t
fucking move! And now more hands were touching me. Touching my skin.
Stopping the flames from getting the fuck out.
“Get him in the fucking truck! We’ll take the bikes and dump the stiffs. I’m
calling in Smiler, we need more men out here. Fuck! Get him back to the
compound before his psycho ass takes us all out!”
Black spots filled my eyes again as the arm around my neck blocked my
breathing. The darkness was coming, I couldn’t fucking stand the darkness.
“Fuck, Flame. What the fuck is happening?” someone shouted, but I was going
under. I could feel the blackness coming for me.
“What the hell went wrong, AK?”
“Fuck knows, but I think the day has arrived.”
“What day?”
“The day when Flame has fucking snapped once and for all.”
“Shit!” a voice yelled.
Then the darkness came, but the flames?
The flames and the fucking screams remained.



 Chapter Seven

Maddie

Viking burst through the trees that led from his cabin up to Mae and Styx’s
house and my heart began to race. Something had happened to Flame on his run.
I knew it when he did not turn up at nightfall as we had planned. And whatever
it was had taken him away from me for two days.
Two long days.
And his best friends AK and Viking had been missing too. My nerves were in
shreds wondering what could have happened to him? And the way Viking had
hurried, the way he had bolted into this cabin just now, had sent a shiver of fear
down my spine.
Suddenly, raised voices sounded from the living room directly below.
It was Viking. I recognized his voice.
I approached the shut door. My hand hovered over the doorknob, but I just
stared. Fear held me in its grip. But then Viking’s voice drifted up the stairs. His
frantic voice… his distressed and upset voice.
Flame, I thought, he was here about Flame.
Moving on instinct, my hand landed on the doorknob and I slipped through the
door, a cacophony of loud voices overwhelmed my senses.
Steeling my nerves, I slipped down the stairs. On the downstairs landing I
slipped into the shadows. There I waited and I listened.
“He’s fucking lost it this time, Styx. Fucking tapped out crazy. I don’t know
what the fuck to do. What’ll get through to him?”
I could see Viking pacing the room, Styx and Ky were sitting down listening to
the running commentary from Viking’s mouth. The rest of the Hangmen looked
on, confusion and apprehension etched on their features.
Viking, who looked tired and unkempt, was coated with dried blood on his
shirt. He ran his hand through his messy long red hair. “He just flipped, real bad.
And for two days he hasn’t calmed. Fuck!” Viking’s voice caught in his throat
and a strangled moan slipped from his lips. “We had to touch him, restrain him.
And I swore to my brother that would never happen. The way his eyes looked at
me, like he couldn’t believe I’d betrayed him. FUCK!”
Ky sat forward. “Calm down, Vike. We need to fucking think.”
Viking choked on a humorless laugh. “Calm down? You ain’t seen him, man. I
think… I think this time we’ve lost him. I ain’t sure he’s gonna be right again.
And I don’t know what set him off. I don’t know what he saw to push him over
the edge. Yeah, there was a shooting, but the brother’s been in more shootouts
than I can count. It was like he was seeing something in his fucked up head.
Seeing some memory in his head as fucking real.”
Viking crouched to the floor and, hands on his head, said, “If me and AK can’t
calm him the fuck down, who the fuck can?” Viking hushed with a pained voice.
Silence filled the room. All the men were quiet, hurt, in emotional pain. Instead
of fear seizing my body, something inside me ignited. Flame’s face entered my
mind and ushered my feet to move forward. I walked slowly to assume a
position in the debating group.
“Me,” I whispered loudly, as I emerged from the shadows. All of the men
stared at me in obvious disbelief, but I bit back all fear and offered, “Let me try.
Let me try to calm Flame.”
I straightened my shoulders, meeting Styx's searching eyes. He did not move
from his seat on the sofa. Ky glanced to Styx, then looked to me. “Maddie, this
is club business. You can’t be in here.”
I ignored Ky, and stepped one pace forward. Not once did I take my eyes off
Styx. “Let me try. Let me go to Flame.”
“Fuck,” Ky spat, but I could see in Styx’s calm eyes that he was thinking it
through.
Turning to Viking, who was staring at me, mouth agape, I said, “Let me try.
I… I feel I can help.”
“Maddie?” Mae’s voice calling from the hallway made stiffen. When I turned,
she and Lilah were standing side by side, their pretty faces masked in shock.
Mae glanced to her husband, then walked into the room. “Maddie. You cannot.
Flame… Flame is not well right now. He could hurt you.”
“He will not hurt me,” I bit back with complete conviction.
“He’s fucking tapped out, Madds. He ain’t the Flame you know.” I heard Ky,
but I shook my head. It was then that Viking stepped beside me. I flinched at his
proximity, but refused to be swayed from what I was determined to do.
“She’s right,” Viking rasped, my attention shot straight to his face. Viking was
talking directly to Styx. “Right now I reckon he’d murder any cunt in his path,
AK and myself included. But this little one,” Viking said, pointing at me. “I
don’t know. Even as fucked and gone as he is right now, she may be our only
fucking hope.”
“No!” Mae shouted, when Styx began to sign something to the brothers. My
heart pounded as loud as a storm’s heavy rain hitting a window. I did not know
what was being said, and from out of nowhere, a surge of anger inflamed my
very soul.
The brothers began arguing with each other. Mae was pleading with Styx to
refuse my request. And I shook with white-hot anger, incandescent at being
ignored. I had been ignored enough in my life, pushed aside, thought of as weak
and unimportant.
Not now. Not today.
“Stop!” I shrilled over the volume of frantic voices, my voice strong and
unyielding. Suddenly, the room fell to into stunned silence. All eyes focused on
me.
I fixed my eyes on Styx. “I do not need your permission. I am a grown woman,
and I will not be discussed as if I were a child.”
“Maddie—” Mae tried to soothe, but I stepped away from her open arms and
shook my head.
“Enough!” Mae reared back in shock. “I am doing this.”
“But, Sister, he is dangerous,” Lilah nervously spoke.
“We have been in greater danger than this in our lives, Lilah. And Flame saved
me. Twice. If it is my turn to be his savior, then I will happily step into the fire.”
I looked up at Viking and ordered, “Take me to Flame.”
Viking did not even look at Styx for permission, he simply led me out of the
door. As I passed Mae, she looked at Styx. “I am going with her.” I closed my
eyes fighting back my anger. But as Mae fell in step at my side, I found her
presence reassuring.
I turned to Lilah who was standing to the side of the room, the tip of her thumb
in her mouth. I quickly walked over and quietly said, “I will be okay.”
Lilah’s blue eyes lowered. Taking my hand, she whispered, “Please,
reconsider this, Maddie. Leave it to the brothers. The thought of you being hurt,
of being hurt by the only man you have never feared fills me with dread.”
Squeezing Lilah’s hand, I said, “That is the beauty of freewill, Lilah. We
choose our own actions. Unlike in commune, here we get to be the masters of
our fate. I will go to Flame. Whatever transpires, transpires.”
“Maddie, I have heard things over the past two days about Flame. And from
what I have heard described, he sounds possessed. I fear he has evil running
through his veins. The way he behaves, the way he cuts himself. The darkness of
his soul.”
I huffed incredulously. “And for years, sister, we—you, Mae, Bella and I—
were viewed as inherently evil because of our looks. We believed it. We never
doubted the scripture that affirmed it was so. I think perhaps, if you are told
something often enough, you end up believing it. But maybe, just maybe,
someone comes into your life and makes you question yourself. Makes you
believe you are worth something.”
Lilah glanced away, then sighed in defeat. “Like Ky did with me?”
I nodded and added, “Like Flame does with me.”
Lilah gasped at my confession, then said, “But you have barely spoken to him.
How can you think that way?”
I smiled, remembering his wish to touch me on my face. Of his shaking hand
hovering in the air, and replied, “What are words? Sometimes the flick of a pair
of eyes or the flush of skin reveals everything you need to know. Words can
wound. Silence can heal.”
A tear fell from Lilah’s eye. Her grip tightened. “Madd—”
“He needs me, Lilah. He saved me from Moses, from all of the men that had…
had…”
“Shh…” Lilah soothed. Trying to rid our days in commune from my mind, I
said, “I would no longer be alive without him. Now it is my turn to repay in
kind.”
Acquiescing to my unwavering resolve, Lilah pulled me into her chest. When
she released me, Ky was by our side. Lilah turned to Ky and placed her hand on
his arm. Ky nodded without Lilah saying a word. “I’m going with her, baby.
Don’t worry.”
As Lilah pressed a kiss to Ky’s lips, I left the house. Mae, Styx and an anxious
Viking, were waiting for me outside. Ky then ran out of the door and joined our
little party.
Viking looked at me. “You sure about this, Little One?”
A crippling nervousness suddenly possessed me, but I hid it as best I could.
“Yes.”
Mae walked beside me, holding tight onto Styx’s hand. I could see the worry
haunting her beautiful face. When Styx released her hand and wrapped his arm
around her shoulders, pulling her close to his chest, I felt guilty.
“I will be fine, Mae,” I said, as we broke through the line of trees and
descended the grassy embankment.
Mae was quiet, then she simply replied, “I know. You are you, Maddie. You
are the bravest person I know.”
This unexpected compliment almost made me falter in my steps. I found
myself staring up at Mae. She smiled. Her confidence in me made me feel ten
feet tall.
Viking led us down the trail toward Flame, AK and Viking’s cluster of cabins.
Agonized screams suddenly erupted. My blood ran cold at the pained cries and
tortured bellows coming from the cabins at the bottom of the hill.
As soon as Viking heard the screams, he picked up speed and hurried ahead.
“Is that him?” Ky questioned in disbelief, as we tried to follow.
Viking ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. Shit!” he replied. The closer we
got, the louder the screams became. This time genuine fear seized my breath. I
would have been sure, before this night, that mankind was not capable of
sounding so feral. But I was in no doubt that the Flame that I knew was not the
man uttering these sounds. This Flame was undone. This Flame was in agonized
pain.
“My Lord,” I heard Mae murmur under her breath, but I kept my focus on the
cabin. I forced my feet to move. If I stopped, I was unsure if I could muster the
courage to continue.
We broke through into the clearing with the three small cabins. Outside the
cabin at the back, sitting on its own, was AK. The man with long brown hair
hunched over a table with his hands in his hair. His clothes were heavily soiled
with blood.
“AK,” Viking called. AK lifted his head. His dark eyes were bloodshot and his
face was deathly pale.
“He’s getting worse,” AK agonized, as he looked at his friend. “Every time I
go in, he gets worse. Fuck, man. I think this is it. I think we’ve fucking lost him
to his fucked up head.”
AK’s graveled voice betrayed the depth of his sadness and grief. When a
chilling yell came slamming out of the front door of his cabin, AK got to his feet
and put a hand on Viking’s huge arm. Viking stilled, and with glassy eyes, AK
nodded resolutely at Viking. Viking’s head dropped in defeat.
Their exchange scared me more than anything had in my life. They had not
spoken words. But something meaningful had passed between them. Something
in their taut bodies and pained expressions was about to tear their worlds apart.
AK looked to Styx and Styx’s jaw clenched. He wrapped Mae into his chest
tighter and kissed her on her head. His eyes were closed, and his breathing
sounded labored as it blew into Mae’s hair.
I watched each man in great detail, and I could feel the shift in them, feel the
thick tension fill this open clearing.
“I gotta see him,” Ky said, and stepped forward. Styx released Mae.
Reluctantly, Viking and AK stepped aside. Styx and Ky proceeded into the
cabin. I flinched when the volume of Flame’s anguish reached a deafening level.
Suddenly, Mae’s hand slipped through mine. I raised my eyes to see Mae
intently watching the cabin door.
Styx.
She was terrified for the wellbeing of her fiancé.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to reassure her that he would be okay. But
the venomous cries of Flame rendered me devoid of speech.
“Why’s she here, Vike?” AK said. I saw him nudge his chin at me.
Viking sighed. “Thought he may respond to her. It was her idea. Not mine.”
AK’s focus drifted deep into the woods. He shook his head. “Won’t work,
brother. Nothing will. The way he feels about the bitch ain’t gonna bring him
back from this.”
My heart plummeted.
The cabin door opened. Styx and Ky slipped out. Their faces wore expressions
of deep anguish as they walked straight to Viking and AK. My eyes stayed glued
to the men and their discussion. I edged a little closer, Mae following behind.
“Fuck, I… I have fuck all to say to that shit in there,” Ky said, gruffly.
Styx signed something to AK and Viking. AK shook his head. “Not even then,
Prez. He was in a bad way, real fucked up from that fucking institution, but he
wasn’t like this. Fuck, I served in the Middle East and never saw anyone get lost
in their head like this.”
Viking slumped into a chair. Ky put a hand on his shoulder. “Shit,” Viking
rasped. “He asked us to stop him, yeah, AK? This is what he wanted, right?”
AK crossed his arms over his broad chest and nodded. “Yeah, brother. He
didn’t ever wanna live like this. You know what he said to do if he ever went
nuclear. If at any point he never came back out of his fucked up head.”
Viking threw his head back and released a loud roar. His head forward fell
again.
“I’ll do it,” AK announced.
My breathing paused and my hand immediately broke away from Mae’s. No, I
thought to myself, my heart racing with a darkness of dread. They could not be
speaking of what I thought they were…
“Brother, he’s your best friend,” Ky said.
AK never lifted his haunted eyes from the ground. “That’s why I gotta do it. He
trusted me. After everything we’ve been through…” AK shook his head when he
could no longer speak. “I found him. I found him as a teen. I fucking got him out
of that loony bin, the brother strapped down to that bed with so much shit being
pumped into his veins he was the fucking Walking Dead. He’s fucking been
beside me ever since. Nah, VP. I gotta do it. We started this shit together, I gotta
be the one to end it.”
Sheer terror took over. I felt a hand on my arm as I stared at the cabin door, as I
listened to the screams behind the wood. “Maddie,” Mae whispered, sadness
etched in her voice.
All I could see in my mind was Flame’s eyes watching me. And if… if… A
sob hitched in my throat when I thought of those eyes, drained of life. When I
thought of them no longer standing guard beneath my window. No longer
watching my every move, whenever I was near.
No, AK could not take him from me. My soul would rip in two.
I needed him.
 He needed me.
Clasping my lips together to silence a hurt cry, energy surged through my
body. From the corner of my eye I saw AK start to walk toward his own cabin to
retrieve something. Mae had already joined Styx and Ky next to Viking. Viking
had buried his face in his hands.
But I was still near Flame’s cabin door.
The cabin door Styx and Ky had left closed but unlocked.
Instantly, I knew what I had to do.
Giving myself no time to change my mind, I lifted my long dress and sprinted
to the door. My labored breathing echoed in my ears as I ran. I reached the cabin
door just as Mae’s voice screamed my name. But I did not stop. I had to get
inside.
Wrenching the cabin door open, I rushed inside, slamming it shut. With
trembling hands, I snapped the locks shut. I grabbed a nearby chair and jammed
it under the doorknob.
“Maddie!” Mae shouted. “Open the door!”
Loud male voices followed suit, demanding to be let in. Resting my palms to
the wood, as if reinforcing the door, I shouted, “I will not let you hurt him.
Please… just let me calm him down. Let me calm his rage.”
As if on cue, Flame screamed out from behind me. My skin crawled in
sympathy with the pain in the sound. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.
I turned round.
My breathing was rough as I stood still, knowing I was facing the man I
thought of constantly. Then I flinched as another roar left his throat. I counted to
three, then forced myself to open my eyes.
My back hit the door as I did so. My legs lost strength, and scalding tears
sprung to my eyes. As I slumped to the floor, a pair of tortured black eyes seared
through mine, and I whispered, “Flame… no…”



 Chapter Eight

Flame

I couldn’t stop the flames.
Men had tied me down.
I couldn’t get to my blades.
And he was in here with me. Even with my eyes open, I could see him. I could
see him in my mind's eye. I could hear his voice in my mind's ear. I couldn’t
silence his voice. He called me sinner, cussing about the evil in my blood. But I
didn’t know what he wanted from me. Didn’t want to remember that face when
he shouted at me. Didn’t want to remember that cold dark place. Didn’t want to
remember his belt lashing my skin. But I couldn’t get to my blades to stop the
memories... to stop the memories fucking with my brain…
“He’s a fucking retard, Mary. He sits all day in his room, playing with that
fucking Lego set. Building and building, never showing happiness or joy or any-
fucking-thing! He doesn’t speak, doesn’t respond to anything I say. He doesn’t
cry or laugh. Where's the fucking emotion?”
I cowered in the corner of the room, watching him scream at my mama. Her
eyes were sad as she stared at me. But she didn’t cry. My mama never laughed
or screamed or cried anymore.
“Michael,” she begged. “Please, just leave him alone. He’s just not like other
kids. But he’s ours… he’s mine. I know he’s special. I can see it in how he thinks
and behaves, but—”
“Special? He’s a damn retard!”
He was talking about me. He was angry with me, again. But I didn’t
understand what I’d done to make him so mad? I tried. I always tried to make
him happy. But it never worked. He just got madder. He just hurt me more and
more. And I felt his disappoint deep inside me. I couldn't sleep, and all the worry
made my hands shake. I… I was so confused. I didn’t mean to make him mad. I
tried… I really, really tried.
He moved to the table where my mama was preparing food. He swiped out his
arm and all the dishes crashed to the floor. I put my hands over my ears when
my baby brother began to cry. I rocked on the floor, humming under my breath
to block out the sounds. I hated the sound of screaming. It hurt my ears. It made
my chest hurt and my stomach feel bad.
But my hands covering my ears couldn’t block out the sounds—the crashes, my
baby brother’s screaming, his booming voice.
“I’ve spoken to Pastor Hughes. He believes the boy could have evil in his body.
Hell’s flames could be flowing in his veins. That’s why he acts like that. Why he
acts retarded.”
I stopped rocking and held out my arms. I turned them over to inspect my
veins. But I couldn’t see any flames. My mind started to race. Evil? I had evil
inside me? Flames ran in my veins?
Not wanting them inside me, I scratched at the veins in my wrist. I didn’t want
flames inside me. Maybe by taking the flames out of my blood, he would like me?
Maybe I’d get to know what he wanted from me?
Hearing the floorboard creak, I looked up. He had stepped forward. I stared at
his face.
His skin had gotten paler. He and mama were both staring at me. Their eyes
had gotten bigger. Mama’s hand had lifted to her mouth. But his face was red,
his mouth was tight. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.
Without taking his eyes off me, he said, “You see, Mary? You see how he feels
the fire under his skin? See how he claws to get the flames out? The Pastor has
warned us all of this in church. He’s told us about the signs of evil in our kin.”
My fingers froze on my skin. I looked down and there was blood trickling from
the vein. I felt my chest relax knowing that I’d let some of the flames escape. I
lifted up my wrist to show him. To show him that the evil flames were leaving my
body, just like he wanted.
But he stepped back, his mouth no longer tight. Instead his lips had parted. He
turned to my mama. “I’m calling Pastor Hughes. I’m taking him straight to
church.”
My hands stopped moving when he mentioned church. I didn’t like that place. I
didn’t like the Pastor. I didn’t like the snakes they held. I didn’t like the drink
that made their bodies thrash on the floor.
Mama ran forward and took hold of his arm. “Please, Michael. Leave him be.
Or,” my mama took a deep breath, “or maybe we should take him to a doctor?
Maybe this is more than we can understand? Maybe this time we should get a
real doctor to help us… to help him.”
He stopped dead, and his eyes narrowed on my mama’s arm. “A doctor? You
know our faith, Mary. You know we shun medical care. If we pray hard enough,
if we’re pure and humble, God will heal… if not…” He pushed my mama back
until she hit the table in the room. Mama cried out in pain, and my stomach
rolled. He pointed in my face. “Then you end up like this. Riddled with sin and
evil and retardation!”
I flinched and curled down on the floor. He scared me.
I watched him reach for the car keys. Then he walked toward me.
But I didn’t want to go. I shuffled as far back into the corner as I could, all the
time holding out my arms.
He grabbed my wrists. He began pulling me from the corner, but I fought back.
I kicked out my legs, I hit out with my arms. He only squeezed my arms tighter. It
hurt, but I kept on fighting to get free.
“No! Please!” My mama cried from beside me. “He’s not evil. He’s not—”
But he threw back his hand and caught my mama across the face. “Get back!
Get back and see to your other son that’s crying. The son that, God-willing, will
not be anything like this one!”
My mama stumbled back, then suddenly, he slapped my face. It hurt so much
that I slumped to the floor. He picked me up by the collar of my shirt, and put
his face next to mine.
“There’s an evil living inside you boy. An evil I’m gonna make damn sure is
exorcized. Make you normal. Make you right. No more looking through me when
I talk. No more weirding people out when you walk into the room. Making us
fucking embarrassed to have you as a son.”
He dragged me out of the house. I looked for Mama, but she was at the back of
the kitchen, nursing my baby brother. She looked to me as I passed, and tears
were streaming down her eyes.
She never cried. Why was she crying?
“Mama!” I called out, but on a sob she turned her back.
He strapped me tight in the back seat of the car. I fought against the seatbelt. I
didn’t want to go to the church.
My head throbbed. Eventually I stopped moving. I couldn’t get out and he
wasn’t letting me go. Because I had evil inside me. Because I had flames
flowing in my blood.
Lifting my fingers, I put them on my arms and began to dig in my nails. I
thought of fire, of flames. I thought of their colors—orange and yellow. I thought
of their heat. But I couldn’t see flames in the veins on my wrist. They looked
normal. But they weren’t normal. He said that was why I didn’t understand what
people wanted from me. Because of the evil bringing the fire in my blood.
I knew I was different. I knew I didn’t understand what people wanted from me.
I knew I didn’t react right to some of the things people said. That was why I
didn’t speak to anyone anymore. It was why I had no friends. It was why I didn’t
answer people’s questions. Because I knew I wouldn’t do it right. I wouldn’t
know what answer to give. And people would get angry with me. They would cry.
They would walk away. They would leave me alone, and I wouldn’t understand
what I’d done wrong.
And some people would laugh at me—they were the worst. They would point,
and laugh and call me a 'retard'.
Then I would feel sad. Their words made me sad. And I wouldn’t sleep. I’d lay
awake thinking of their faces, their faces when they laughed.
The more I thought of the people’s reactions to me, the more I dug my nails
into my flesh. Glancing down, I saw blood begin to trickle from the vein. I
hissed at the sting of pain my nails brought, but then a warm feeling filled my
body. Because the invisible flames, Hell’s fire living in my body, was being
released.
And he said that with the flames gone, I might be normal. I might be right.
The car came to a halt and I looked out of the window. We were on a quiet
country road. At the side of the road was a small white building—our church.
I struggled to breathe, my chest tightening, as I stared at the church. Then the
door opened, and Pastor Hughes walked out with Elder Paul. They were big
men and they frightened me. They would handle the snakes in the church. They
would give people the poison to drink, to test their faith.
He got out of the car and I watched him approach the men. His hand ran over
his head, then he looked back at me and shook his head. I couldn’t hear what
was being said. But he must have been telling them about the flames in my
blood. He would be telling them I had evil in me. Panicking, I stared at my
wrist. I scratched at the veins, digging my nails in. But my nails weren’t sharp
enough. They couldn’t get more blood out.
 Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him walking to the car. The Pastor
and the Elder of the church walked back inside the building. He opened the
door next to me, undid my seatbelt and took my arm. He didn’t speak as he
dragged me out of the car. I held up my wrist to show him I was trying to get the
flames out. That I didn’t need the church, that I could do it myself. I could get
the flames out myself, if he would just let me try. But he just hit my wrist down,
then struck me on the back of my head. My eyes stung from the pain.
I swallowed hard when we arrived at the wooden door. I could hear the Pastor
talking inside, then he hauled me into the church.
We stood at the top of the aisle. Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul were at the
altar. I could hear rattling. I could hear hissing. My stomach dropped.
Snakes. They had the snakes.
He made to walk forward, pushing on my neck the whole time, but I planted my
feet firmly on the wooden floor and reached out to grab a pew. He stopped
pulling, then moving in front of me, backhanded my face. Pain exploded in my
head. My hand ripped off the pew and I could taste blood in my mouth. But I was
scared; my blood contained evil and flames. I spat the blood on the floor of the
aisle, coughing so much that I vomited.
“Get him here, Michael.” Pastor Hughes’ voice called from the altar, as I tried
to wipe the blood and vomit from my mouth.
He hitched both hands under my arms and carried me down to the altar. I
couldn’t fight this time. I was tired. My head and face hurt from the pain of his
blows.
“Put him on the table,” Pastor Hughes directed. Roughly, he placed me on the
table.
“Take off his clothes.”
I wanted to cry out. I didn’t want them to remove my clothes. But he and Elder
Paul began stripping me. And it was cold. It was so cold.
I twisted my head from side to side, trying to escape, but I couldn’t get free
from their strong hands. Then, as my head rolled to the right, I froze. There was
a snake. A snake in a clear box beside me.
I felt my pants coming off, then he and Elder Paul held down my wrists and
ankles. Pastor Hughes walked to the clear box and opened the lid.
The rattling sound got louder and Pastor Hughes held up the snake. As he held
it in his hands, he said, “The snake is the incarnation of the devil. If your boy is
faithful and pure, if he embraces the Holy Spirit, the Lord shall protect him. But
if evil runs in his blood, the snake will see and strike.”
My nostrils flared as I tried to breathe. Pastor Hughes was going to put the
snake on me. I didn’t want the snake on me. I didn’t want to be bit.
The hold on my wrists and arms tightened. I closed my eyes as the Pastor
placed the snake on my stomach. The rattling of the snake's tail got louder and
louder in my ears. I could feel its cool body begin to slither. Pastor Hughes
began to pray, Elder Paul joining in. And so did he.
But I kept my eyes shut. I kept my eyes shut and hoped that the snake didn’t
strike. Hoped that I didn’t have the flames in my blood. That evil didn’t run in
my veins.
As the snake moved down my legs, I heard a loud hiss and a sharp pain sliced
through my thigh.
I screamed out in pain, my teeth gritting together. Then, suddenly, the snake
was taken from my body. I could feel his hands shaking as he held down my
wrists.
I opened my eyes, to see him staring at the wound on my leg. His eyes looked
into mine. I didn’t understand what his look meant. I was tired. I was in pain,
and my eyes began to close.
But I could still hear voices. I could hear him, Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul
talking. “Something’s living within him, Michael. Something evil runs in his
veins. An evil we must exorcize.”
I heard his choked bellow. And all I could think was that there were flames in
my blood. Flames I had to get out. But they were holding me down. I couldn’t
get to the flames. I needed to get them out of my blood. Cut them out of my
blood. But I couldn’t get free.
Darkness came and took me.
When I woke, I was in a dark room, dirt on the floor and walls. My head
throbbed, my thighs hurt, but I couldn’t feel half of my body.
Then I remembered…
And I could feel the flames. I could feel the flames under my skin. Flames I
needed to get out.
I heard footsteps above me. Heavy footsteps. I could hear Mama crying,
begging him not to do something. I could hear my baby brother crying. His loud
screams hurt my head.
The footsteps stopped right above me. My body began to shake. Suddenly, a
hatch above me opened, the bright light shining in where I was laid, making me
flinch. Then he jumped down beside me. He was holding a belt.
I looked into his eyes as he stepped forward. I remember the pain. Remember
the pain, the number eleven… and the flames… the invisible flames pouring out
with my blood…
A wooden ceiling came back into view and I was in the light. But I was tied
down. My wrists and ankles were tied down. Men came in and out of a door to
my left. Men that were going to hurt me.
Those same men…
They said things to me, but I couldn’t hear them over the screaming, over the
sound of the flames in my blood. I thrashed, needing the ties to be broken, when
the door to my left opened again. It was one of them. One of them that tied me
down. One of the fuckers I wanted to kill.
The noises of screams, shouts and banging on doors were too much. Then I
heard a voice call, “I will not let you hurt him. Please… just let me calm him. Let
me calm his rage.”
I froze, my arching back flattening on whatever I was laid. The sound of
rushing blood whooshed through my ears, but the person in the room with me
now was new… the voice… their voice made the screaming in my head stop…
I panted hard, my eyes staring at the ceiling. Then I heard a cry and my head
turned to the side. The floor. On the floor was a woman. A small woman, with
her arms around her knees. My blurred eyes blinked fast and I fought to see, my
stomach clenching at who she could be.
Black hair… small body… her hands, small hands…
Then I saw the eyes. Green eyes. The pulse in my wrist and neck raced on
seeing those green eyes. And the flames calmed. The fire was still there, burning
under my muscles. Evil still infused my body, but I could breathe. I panted. I
sweated. But I could breathe. When I looked at her, I could breathe.
But I was tired. And I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t fight anymore. I
didn’t want to be like this anymore.
I stared at the woman. She stared right back. My heartbeat slowed in my
burning, raw chest. A tear slipped down her face. I watched the tear trickle down
her cheek, wondering why she was crying? Then, no sooner than the flames had
calmed, that feeling of the fire beginning to rebuild—to torture me again—
flooded back. The flames never stayed away for long.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Fighting the threatening darkness, I took a deep breath.
Seeing the woman freeze as she watched me, I opened my mouth and
whispered, “Kill me…”



 Chapter Nine

Maddie

I could not believe what he looked like. Flame. My Flame. Broken, strapped by
his ankles and wrists to the small bed in the center of the room. His torso was
bare and it was covered in blood. His skin had been slashed. Everywhere. He
had slash marks and scratch marks everywhere.
His legs were covered by his leather pants, but they were gashed, red bloodied
skin peeking through.
But it was his eyes… his beautiful dark eyes that had my soul in pain. His
pupils were dilated so they looked completely black. The whites of his eyes were
the brightest red, many veins having burst. And it was easy to see why. Heart-
wrenching screams were pouring from his throat, his back arching off the bed,
his limbs stiff as though he was being burned from the inside.
My legs had given way at the shock of seeing him in this tortured state. And I
had ended up on the floor. The magnitude of what Viking and AK described was
now glaring me in the face. Flame was in such pain. More than I had ever
witnessed before.
His head then spun to stare at me. And all his frantic, thrashing ceased. I held
my breath, afraid to make any sudden movements. And I waited for him to see
me, to see it was really me, Maddie. The young woman he ceaselessly guarded,
but his eyes seemed to stare straight through me. Emotion swelled up my throat.
Without moving an inch, a tear fell down my cheek.
Catching a flicker of something in Flame’s haunted gaze, my heart leaped with
hope. I edged forward as his dried bruised lips opened, then it shattered into a
million pieces.
“Kill me…” His voice was rasped, like he had swallowed tiny shards of glass.
But his request had sailed to my ears as loud as if it were a scream. The fingers
on his hands became rigid and his back began to arch.
“Kill me,” he growled again, harsher this time. I could see that whatever held
him in its thrall was regaining its strength. But there was no doubt about what
Flame wanted. What he was begging me to do.
 The veins in his blood-covered arms tensed, the ribbons of hard muscles
protruding from his torso as his fists clenched. His body began to tremble.
Flame’s head began to twitch, his eyes glazing as his legs pulled on the ties
strapping him down. A pained cry burst from his lips; and I jumped to my feet
unable to stand his pain. My chest was cracking with every second that passed.
This was not any way to live. But I could not kill him. I could not...
When his dark eyes did fall upon me, I could see his silent plea. He no longer
wanted to live in this manner. He wanted to be free of his pain. Like I had, for so
many years, he wanted to be free.
Choking down a sob, I stepped forward. Flame’s back arched and dropped,
then arched and dropped down to the sweat-soaked mattress beneath him. I
wanted to touch him. I wanted more than anything to put my hand on his arm,
and to tell him he would be okay. I wanted to release his ties and hold him in my
arms.
But I could not. Our respective fears and barriers held me back. It was too
much for me cope with right now. I became suspended in the moment. But no
one should exist like this; in so much hurt and pain.
Only feet away from the bed, my hands shook so severely that I feared they
would never stay calm again.
My assessing gaze roved over the welts on his arms... and the blood. My eyes
tracked north, watching his skin jumping and his muscles twitching. Then
finally, I reached those eyes. Eyes that robbed me of breath. They were watching
me. Flame’s hand suddenly reached out as far as the tie would allow, and he
whispered, “The flames. The flames are too hot. I can’t… I can’t stop them…
tied down… too much… kill me… please…”
“Flame,” I cried out on a sob. I shook my head. “I… I can’t… I—”
“Please…” The desperate timbre of his graveled voice cut into my soul,
blistering my heart.
Flame’s head rolled to the side as another wave of pain racked his body. He
had lost weight. His skin was a deathly white and his eyes were raw with pain.
Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath. When I opened them, I glanced up.
On the wall was a strip of metal, magnetic metal holding rows and rows of
knives. A roar spilled from Flame’s throat, and I knew that any calm he had
mustered had just waned.
Kill me… the flames are too hot… I mulled over his words and his plea. And I
found my feet slowly walking forward.
With each step a pit of sorrow burrowed further into my stomach. But my legs
still carried me forward. I came to a stop below the row of knives and retrieved
the one I had seen him hold as he paced beneath my window. It had a brown
wooden handle. The blade was sharp, the steel so polished that the dim light
hanging from the ceiling glistened on it, casting a shadow on the floor.
The small bed creaked and Flame released a loud roar. I closed my eyes and
flinched. On a deep breath, I opened my eyes once more.
Steeling my nerves, I turned, just as Flame’s back bowed and his head writhed.
Ensuring I had a tight grip on the knife, I swallowed back the anxiety holding
my body captive, and moved forward. Hearing my movement, Flame snarled in
my direction, but as his gaze fell on the knife in my hand, his body froze. And
then I saw it, the look of relief in his eyes as they beheld the blade. The blade
loosely held at my side.
Nostrils flaring, Flame tracked my movements until I came to a stop at his side.
It was closer than I had been to him in many months. This close, I could see
every detail of his body. I could see all of him, every scar, every cut, every
bruise.
But I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. I had never looked at men. After what
I had endured at the hands of males, I could not think of them as handsome. I
had given no thought to the matter at all. I simply did not think like that. I had
never felt butterflies in my stomach. I had never felt my heart flutter, had never
felt myself losing my very breath. When Lilah and Mae would talk of Ky and
Styx, when they would blush just describing their love’s faces, eyes, lips; I did
not comprehend.
But standing here, over Flame, right now, staring at his anguished face—his
sharp features: slightly crooked nose, full lips, dark short beard, and those
soulful eyes, those incredibly long black lashes—a feeling previously unknown
to me bloomed in my heart, filling me with light. With an incredible heat. This
close, I felt a tension spark between us. I felt something magnetic surge in the
air.
I… I wanted him as my own. In this moment, seeing the man who had become
the center of my world, breaking, I wanted nothing more than to save him. To
gift him the peace he so richly deserved, even if it meant sacrificing my newly-
awakened heart in the process.
On a loud hiss, Flame’s body stiffened. My grip tightened on the handle of the
knife. It felt like a ton weight in my hand, but I knew what I had to do. For
Flame, I told myself, You must do this for Flame.
Steadying my shaking grip, I raised the blade, leaving it suspended it in the air.
I inhaled deeply, then looked down at Flame. His beautiful eyes stalked me.
With tears filling my eyes, I whispered, “Flame… I know you are lost right now.
But I want to save you. I want to save you as you have so often saved me.” I
swallowed the lump clogging my throat and continued. “I know you want eternal
peace, but… but… I cannot… I cannot take your life.”
Tears streamed from my eyes, but I lowered my mouth to a few inches from his
ear. “I know the flames torture you greatly. And I know you live with pain. I
know you no longer want to live. I…” I sniffed back my emotions as Flame
became eerily still. “I have been there too. I have felt the urge to fade, to never
wake again. But then something happened to me. Someone happened to me…
You.”
Flame’s erratic breathing blew against the hair falling over my face, but he
didn’t move. His body was completely and utterly still.
Rearing back slightly, I searched his glazed eyes and prayed to the Almighty
that he was seeing me. That he could hear my words. I itched to run my fingers
through his hair, like I had seen Mae do to Styx, but I held back.
“I have watched you, Flame. I have watched you as you have watched me. And
I have seen you free the flames. I have counted with you from my window as
you have administered the slashes to your flesh, releasing what you believe runs
within you.” My legs began to shake as I lifted the knife, and lined up the blade
over his arm. “I will not take your life, but I will help you release the flames. I
will stay here with you, in this room, until you come back to me. Until my Flame
breaks back through.”
I lowered the tip of the blade to a patch of unharmed skin on Flame’s forearm.
Just before my throat closed from what I was about to do, I hushed out, “I will
not take your life, Flame, for it is far too precious to lose.”
Bracing my hand, I pressed the sharp blade into Flame’s skin and dragged it
along the flesh. As the laceration surfaced and the blood began to flow, it was a
balm to Flame’s torment. “One,” I whispered aloud, unable to take my eyes off
his face. Flame’s wide exhausted stare remained fixed upon mine. But they
became leaden, leaden with relief.
I struck again. “Two,” I continued to count, “three, four, five.” Flame’s body
began to relax, his straining arms and legs, under the heavy pull of the ties,
stilled. I looked at his arm, now coated with a fresh sheen of blood, and forced
myself to continue. Everything inside of me screamed at me to stop hurting him,
but I knew I had to continue. I had to reach eleven.
Repositioning the blade to his upper arm, I commenced the cutting. “Six,
seven, eight, nine.” Nausea built in my throat at having to slash him. I was
unsure if I could keep going, when Flame’s arm twitched, and I heard him voice
quietly, “Ten.”
Flame’s dark eyes were now alert, watching me. Tears tumbled down my face.
Flame inhaled a labored breath, and rasped again, “Ten.”
Without moving my eyes from his, I sliced at his skin. Flame’s eyelids fluttered
in relief as I said, “Ten.”
Repositioning the blade, Flame’s chest expanded on an expectant breath.
Cutting deep, I choked out, “Eleven.”
As if a cool shower of water had extinguished the flames in his blood, Flame
sagged back on the bed, his stuttered breathing becoming even.
Instantly dropping the knife to the floor, I stared down at my hand, now
spattered with Flame's blood. I felt sick as I stared at the red liquid. Averting my
gaze, it landed on Flame’s prone body. He looked exhausted, his hands and feet
now unmoving under the tight ties. But it was his face that encouraged me to
find a modicum of peace with what I had just done. His beautiful face, with its
features smooth and relaxed. And his eyes. His half-lidded eyes silently
thanking me. I had successfully battled the darkness that was consuming his
soul.
For now.
Edging closer, I whispered, “Sleep, Flame. Rest. I shall be here when you
wake.”
It did not take long for his eyes to close and for sleep to claim his exhausted
mind. I fought back the sudden urge to press a kiss to his cheek.
Flame’s wide chest rose and fell in a steady motion. But as Flame had found a
temporary peace, I found myself suddenly riddled with guilt.
What have I done? I thought, seeing the blood on my hands.
My feet carried me backwards, until I tripped over an object. The small
horrendously untidy cabin suddenly registered in my mind. There was barely any
furniture, save for this small bed and a single chair. No light. Nothing that made
it a place of comfort. Flame’s things were everywhere; dust and cobwebs
covered the walls. The floor was cluttered with clothes and unwashed dishes,
also what looked like rags covered in blood. Except a small spot at the rear of
the house. It looked like a trapdoor in the floor. But the wooden trapdoor was
covered in scratches, knife marks, and what appeared to be dried blood. Then
there was a bucket to the side.
It was all too much; way too much. Tears blinded my eyes, my chest
constricted my lungs. I needed air. I needed to breathe in fresh air, only while he
slept.
Finding the door, I silently pulled the chair from under the doorknob and
slipped through. As soon as I hit the cold air, I sagged to the ground, and let the
tears fall freely—right into my bloodied hands.



 Chapter Ten

Maddie

“Maddie!” Mae’s frantic voice cut through my grief. I blinked my eyes to rid
them of my tears. Mae dropped to crouch before me.
As my vision snapped back into clarity, I saw Mae reach out to clasp my hands.
In surprise, she ripped them back. “God… Maddie,” she hurriedly whispered,
blood draining from her face. “What has happened?”
Four large silhouettes suddenly blocked our light as they crowded over Mae
to see me. “What the fuck?” a deep voice proclaimed. I fluttered my eyes to
meet the questioner.
Viking was looking at me strangely. His face was still as sad as before I had
entered the cabin, but now his blue eyes were transfixed.
My eyes lowered to take in my hands. I raised them up. They were shaking.
They were shaking so badly. Mae’s hand rubbed over my bent knee, as she
asked, “Maddie? What happened? We heard Flame screaming, then it all went
quiet.”
Feeling the nerve-wracking might of five gazes, I sucked in a breath and
quietly replied, “I cut him. He wanted me to kill him… but… but I could not. I
have to save him, like he did me.”
“He asked you to kill him?” someone asked in guttural tone, devastation
dripping from each word. I glanced up. AK had stepped forward. I nodded and
he stepped back, his lips parting.
“What?” Ky exclaimed as he stared at his brother.
AK shook his head. “He talked to her. For two days we haven’t been able to
get anything from him. Not a fucking thing but him screaming and going psycho
on the bed.”
My heartbeat leapt into a sprint at their words. Mae’s attention shifted from AK
right back to me. “Maddie. Did you hear that? You got through to him.”
I nodded, eyes wide. I felt Mae’s hand take mine, despite the blood. I repeated
my words, “I had to release the flames.”
 Mae’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“You cut him?” Viking moved round Mae and crouched by her side. “You cut
him with a blade,” he pointed at my hands, “that’s why you have blood on your
hands?”
“Yes. I… I cut him.”
A stunned silence met my confession. My stomach knotted with guilt, but I
continued. “I did not want to hurt him. But he was asking me to kill him. He said
he could not take the flames anymore. That they were getting too hot. He was in
pain, he was begging me with his eyes…” I trailed off as a sob spilled from my
mouth.
“Shh…” Mae soothed as she moved to sit down on the ground beside me. Her
arm came around my shoulders and I fell into her warm embrace.
“I have watched him for months, Mae. I have seen how he fights his inner pain.
I have seen how he cuts his skin. I have seen how he does it. So I did what he
does to himself. I cut him… I… I took the blade and I cut him… I had to release
the flames.”
My tears flowed like a river, self-disgust filling my body. Just as I thought I
would not be able to fill the pit in my stomach, Viking said, “You got that
close?”
His question caught me off guard, immediately drying up my tears. Slowly
lifting my head from Mae’s shoulder, I met Viking’s shocked expression and
nodded my head.
Viking’s head turned quickly to stare at AK. AK’s brow furrowed. “And why’s
he quiet now?”
Clearing my throat, I answered, “He is sleeping. The cuts released the flames.
He is resting.”
AK’s eyes widened and he turned away, walking toward the trees, running his
fingers through his long hair.
Sitting forward, I addressed Viking. “He needed to rest. But I told him I would
stay. That I would be nearby until he is free from this torture.” Ky ducked away
and chased down AK. My heart was in my mouth as Ky reached Flame’s best
friend. Ky put his arm around AK’s shoulders, which immediately sagged.
“We thought he was lost. We’ve tried everything for two days. But us in that
room? It only made him ten times fucking worse. I have no idea who he thought
we were, but he sure as fuck wasn’t seeing it was his brothers. We were ready to
take him out, then you came, and in a matter of minutes you get him to calm the
fuck down, you get him to sleep,” Viking revealed.
His head dropped. He looked so sad. In fact, AK and Viking both looked
utterly exhausted. My stomach tightened when I realized just how much they
loved Flame. They must have felt so helpless.
My fingers tensed at my side, then, drawing in a fortifying breath, I shyly
reached out my hand, but at last minute pulled it back. Viking's head shot up. He
stared at me, then his lip hooked up at the corner, giving me a whisper of a
smile.
“I am staying with Flame.”
Viking released a long pent up breath.
“Maddie,” Mae cautiously offered, “No one expects you to stay. You have
already helped Flame beyond all of our expectations.”
In an instant my back straightened and I got to my feet. I glimpsed Styx,
silently watching me, his dark features tracking my every move. But I kept tight
hold of my will.
“I am staying,” I emphasized.
Mae got to her feet. “Why, Maddie?”
I turned to my sister and said, “Because that is my Flame in there. And he
needs me. No one else. Me.”
“Your Flame?” she whispered, and her head tilted to the side.
I felt a blush coat my cheeks and I shrugged. “That is how I regard Flame. As
mine. From the moment I was able to touch him, and he touched me, I was
claimed. I have been his this whole time.”
Dusting off my long skirt, giving my anxious hands something to do, I asked
Mae, “Please can you bring us some food? Ingredients to make soup? And things
to clean his cabin?”
Mae nodded numbly. Styx reached out and, wrapping an arm around her chest,
pulled her flush against his. His lips moved to her ear. He whispered something
only the two of them could hear. Mae’s eyes closed, but she sighed and nodded
her head.
“I shall bring them down straight away Maddie,” Mae announced.
 “Thank you.” Mae glanced to Ky, AK and Viking, then back to me. “Are you
okay to stay here while I get what you have asked for?”
I nodded my head.
Mae and Styx quickly disappeared into the woods, leaving me alone with the
three men. I stood, head down, playing with my hands, when Viking cleared his
throat and spoke.
“You need to be direct when you speak to him.” Curious at that instruction, I
raised my head, only to see Ky and AK join Viking.
AK glanced at Viking, then focused on me. “He doesn’t get subtlety. If you
want something from him, ask him outright. Don’t hint at it, because he won’t
understand. If you want to know what he’s thinking, ask him. He might not tell
you, the brother doesn’t say much, but he just might. And he’s shy, real shy.
He’ll struggle to be around you, to know how to act. But if you talk to him or
look busy, it chills him out. And fuck, if he gets out of this shitstorm he’s in, and
he cuts himself, don’t stare. He gets real self-conscious.”
“He doesn’t really show emotion either. If he’s happy, which honestly, I don’t
think he’s ever been, or if he’s sad, his face won’t change. But you’ll know if
he’s angry. He can’t seem to contain that shit. It eats him up when he’s angry.
The flames… they burn more when he’s pissed,” Viking added.
I exhaled, not realizing that I had not breathed while they spoke to me. My
hand lifted to press against my forehead.
Viking ducked down from his impressive height to catch my eye. “You get
that, Madds?”
I nodded my head, trying desperately to remember everything that had been
offered, when I tentatively asked, “Why… why is he like that?”
AK’s face tightened, a protective expression adorning his features. “Just the
way he is, Maddie. Flame’s different. But it don’t make him any less fucking
important.”
“Look, Madds. Flame just thinks different to you and me. Probably some
condition he’s got, that he was born with. But he don’t know what that is, and
honestly, even if I thought I knew what it could be, it’s none of my fucking
business. He’s Flame. He’s my fucking brother, condition or not.”
If the situation had been different, I would have smiled at how much they
seemed to care for Flame.
 Silence fell on the three of us after that, Viking and AK moving to sit on chairs
outside another cabin. Then my heart sank to my feet when I saw a third chair
empty. In my mind’s eye I pictured the three best friends sitting out here at
night, before Flame came to stand guard below my window.
My eyes sought out the wooden door to Flame’s cabin. I wondered if Flame
knew how loved he was? I suspected strongly he did not. I imagined that
whichever dark thoughts imprisoned him made it impossible for him to see.
“You holding up, Madds?”
Whipping my head to the side, Ky was leaning up against the cabin, foot on the
wall, cigarette in hand. I nodded my head, and fixed my stare on the line of the
trees, willing Mae to hurry up and return.
“You sure ‘bout that?” Ky pushed.
“Yes,” I whispered and watched as Ky’s eyes narrowed their focus on me. He
took a drag of his cigarette, then exhaled a large puff of smoke. And watching
him made me think of Lilah. Of their journey. Lilah was so damaged. I was
damaged. So damaged that I knew I would be alone for the rest of my life. And I
was content with that. Lilah had been too. Yet Ky won Lilah’s heart. As
damaged as she was, even after she hurt herself, after she scarred her face, he
wanted her above all others. And he secured her hand under God.
Ky did not move, his eyes stayed forward, but he asked, “Just ask it, Madds.
Whatever’s on your fucking mind.”
Feeling heat infuse my face at being caught, I plucked up the courage to ask,
“You love Lilah,” I said quietly.
Ky threw his cigarette to the ground, then turned to me, smiling his pretty
smile. “That a question or a statement, sugar?”
“A question,” I replied.
Ky’s smile faded and he nodded his head. “She’s my fucking life, Madds. I
love that bitch to death.”
“Even though she is damaged? Even after what happened to us—, to her, at
The Order? It is not too much for you to cope with?”
Ky’s jaw clenched at the mention of The Order. For a moment I did not think
he would answer. Then, breathing deeply, Ky answered. “Not at all, Madds. Do I
believe all the Jesus shit Li does? Not one fucking bit. But that bitch had my
heart when I first saw y’all crawling outta that cell. And yeah she was damaged,
didn’t think she was worth shit. But she always was to me. Same as Mae to Styx.
Those cunts at that cult nearly destroyed you bitches. That don’t mean you can’t
heal. Look at Li now, best fucking bitch on the damn planet. And I got her. She’s
mine. Fucking damaged or not. And I’m the luckiest SOB around.”
My throat thickened with emotion on hearing the conviction of his words. For
the first time ever, I felt myself wanting to know what it was like. What being
wanted to the furthest extent would be like? What being loved so fully, so
deeply, would be like?
The cool wind wrapped in my hair, blowing it around my face, when suddenly
Ky was before me. He made sure I was looking into his blue eyes, when he
stated, “He won’t care.”
I blinked in response, my forehead creasing, unsure what Ky meant. Then he
pointed toward Flame’s cabin. “Flame. He won’t care that you’ve been through
shit. I don’t know his background, fuck, even AK and Viking don’t know most
of it. But he’s already gone for you, Madds. I ain’t gonna lie, I don’t know what
being gone for you looks like in that fucking messed up head of his, but that
brother in there fucking took a bullet for you. Ain’t gonna get more commitment
than that. You feeling me?”
My heart fluttered at Ky’s kind words, but just as I was about to thank him,
Mae and Styx emerged from the woods, Styx holding three bags.
When they came close, I reached my hands out and took the bags.
“Food, cleaning supplies. I also put together some dresses for you, other clean
clothes. And your sketchpad and pencils, so you can still draw. I know how
much you love to draw.” Mae offered a supportive smile. Pressing a kiss to my
cheek, she warned, “Be careful.”
My heart swelled. “Thank you, sister.”
I gave Mae a small smile, then turned to face the door. I closed my eyes.
Opening them, I quietly turned the doorknob and stepped inside. Placing the
bags on the floor, my eyes fell upon Flame still lying on the bed.
I walked forward, my steps as quiet as the night until I came to a stop by his
side. The sight of him, bloodied and damaged, asking me to end his life of
misery still cut me deeply. But sleeping, Flame was… he was… perfect.
He was always a tortured soul. He was always pacing, muttering, or cutting.
And seeing him like this, so quiet and still. It broke my heart.
Lifting my hand, I hovered it over Flame’s face. And without making contact, I
ran it over his forehead, down his slightly crooked nose, over his full lips and
through his beard. A smile tugged on my lips as I continued running my hand
just above his arm until I came to his hand. His hand was upturned, showing me
his palm.
Picturing the sketch from my drawing pad, I floated my hand directly over his.
His hand was so much bigger than mine. So much rougher, covered in tattoos of
flames, piercings boasting silver metal studs, and scars. My hand was small and
pale in color, yet I had never in my life seen anything that looked as perfect to
me as this sight.
A moan slipped from Flame’s mouth and I stepped back, feeling the immediate
loss of the image of our enjoined hands, of being so close to the man I had
chosen—no, needed to save.
Flame tried to turn over, but the ties on his hands and feet prevented him. Even
in slumber, a frustrated frown marred his forehead.
I warred with what to do. He wanted to be free, had begged me to set him free.
I knew in my heart that he would not, could not, hurt me.
Resolved, I moved to his bed, and careful not to touch his skin, set to the task
of unthreading the ties. When the last ripped piece of linen dropped to the floor,
Flame’s body immediately folded in on itself, curling into a small ball in the
middle of his bed.
When I stepped back, I could not help but think that, lying like this, he
appeared to be a small child. So broken and afraid.
I stood there for several minutes, wondering what could have happened in his
life to make him this way. Then my eyes drifted around the rest of the small
cabin, and I set to cleaning. I needed to help him in some small way. And I could
clean. I could not do much, but I could do that.
Everything was in disarray. The biggest culprit—bloodied rags, dried and
littering the floor.
I made quick work of picking up all the litter, then came to a standstill when I
reached the only clear area in the room, the only place not cluttered with things.
Glancing down, there was a trapdoor built into the floor. I bent down to inspect
the scratches and dried blood staining the wood. I could smell the bucket before
I got to it, and unable to stand the smell, decided it would be the first thing I
cleaned.
A few hours later, the cabin was clean and tidy, and I was preparing the
ingredients for soup. Just as I had begun to chop the vegetables, an agonized cry
cut through the cabin.
Dropping the chopping knife, I fled from the kitchen and ran into the open
bedroom. Flame was writhing on the bed, his fingernails raking at his arms. His
back was arched, his body facing the side, his hips rocking back and forth as
though someone was behind him… as though…
My stomach dropped, caving into an empty pit at what the position of his body
portrayed—Flame pinned down, someone behind him, someone...
No…
And he was screaming in pain. Unable to stand what I assumed was happening
in his head, I ran round to the far side of the bed. Flame’s face was scrunched up
in agony. His eyes squeezed shut as he panted through his mouth. Then I looked
down. He was excited. His manhood was erect and pushing against the material
of his leather pants. Yet as excited as he appeared to be, the pain on his face, and
the toe-curling tortured cries streaming from his mouth, told me he was anything
but.
He was trapped.
He was trapped in his mind.
Reaching the head of the bed, I stood back and called out, “Flame!” His body
thrashed still, so I inched closer. “Flame!” I tried again, but the cries from his
lips were coming stronger, drowning out my voice.
Rushing to the very edge of the bed, I lowered my head and cried out “Flame!”
for the third time.
This time Flame’s body bowed, his eyes snapped open, and on a loud roar, he
leapt from the bed, his large hands landing on my arms. Flame’s huge strength
pushed me backwards, until my back slammed against the wall, knocking the air
from my lungs.
His fingers dug into my arms bringing tears to my eyes. I looked up to find his
black eyes boring holes into mine. This was not the Flame I knew. This was
killer. The Hangman with the blades.
With gritted teeth and a low growl of rage, his calloused hands began to move
toward north. My stomach shredded when I realized he was going for my throat.
He was going to choke me.
He meant to kill.
 Closing my eyes, I tried to think of what would calm him down. But his hands
had reached my shoulders. I racked my brain, searching for an answer, when all
I could think of was what calmed me.
My entire body shook with fear, but I managed to inhale a deep enough breath
to desperately sing, “This little… light of mine, I’m… gonna let it shine. This
little light… of mine, I’m gonna… let it shine. This little light of… mine, I’m
gonna… let it shine. Let it… shine, let it shine… let it shine…”
Flame’s hands stilled on the side of my neck as the words trailed off to a
complete stop. His breathing was strained, the warm crackled puffs of air
flowing over my face. I was frozen to the spot. But then his hands began to
shake profusely, and as I forced myself to open my eyes, I was faced with two
lost inky pools staring at me in confusion. I held my breath, as Flame’s eyes
rapidly flitted from side to side. And then I saw it, a flicker of recognition jolting
him from the darkness possessing his mind.
On a shocked hiss, Flame staggered backwards until he crashed against the far
wall and he slumped to the floor. His hands lifted in front of his face, and he
stared at them as if he could not believe what he had just done.
His hands lowered.
His lips shook.
And as those tired dark eyes filled back up with life, he paused in breathing,
then whispered, “Maddie…?”



 Chapter Eleven

Flame

I was in the Punishment Cellar and he’d come for me. I was in the darkness; I’d
been there for a long time…
Above me I heard the hatch open. He jumped in beside me, the pale light from
above making it easy for me to see the blade in his hands.
He stank of alcohol. And I could hear him breathing heavily. I heard him
unbuckle his belt. I closed my eyes when he began to walk toward me. This time
he didn’t give instruction, he just turned me round, removed my pants, spread
my legs, and pushed against me.
I gritted my teeth when the pain came. My fingernails scraped against the
walls, as I tried not to cry out. Then came the blade, scraping down my back. I
felt the blood begin to pour; I felt better. It still hurt, but he was freeing me from
the flames, from the evil within. He said he was taking the evil from my flesh.
He grunted in my ear and his breath washed over my face. It stank of the
alcohol he always drank. It made me feel sick. But I couldn’t be sick or he would
get angry.
Then he moved faster. It hurt more and more. My hands trembled against the
wall, but he didn’t stop. He kept on pushing harder, the blade slicing along my
skin, freeing the flames. Then he dropped the blade and his hands gripped my
hips, fingers digging in deep. I hated him touching me. I had evil in my veins,
and it took her from us. He’d told me it was why she was gone—because of my
touch. That the flames within me infected her, making her think evil thoughts…
making her do that sinful thing that left us alone together.
I tried to breathe. I tried to open my mouth, to tell him not to touch me or he
would be infected too, but he slammed into me one more time, shouting in my
ear as he pressed me against the wall.
I waited for him to move, not wanting his chest to touch my back. He staggered
back and I dropped to the floor. I glanced round. I could see him standing,
looking down at me. His fists were clenched. Automatically, I covered my head
with my arms. He normally hit me. He would get angry after he took me, saying
it was needed for my soul.
Suddenly, he spit at me, the wetness hitting my cheek. “You evil fucking
retard!” he snapped, and kicked out his foot, hitting me on the leg. “It’s your
fault she’s gone. She couldn’t stand that she’d created you.”
My heart hurt at his words, feeling like something was cracking inside. I hadn’t
wanted her to go. I loved her, she was kind to me. I didn’t want to have the
flames in my blood. But I couldn’t get them out. I tried to scratch them out. But
no matter how much blood fell to the ground, I could still feel the flames
underneath my skin. Burning fire scalding my flesh.
Then my baby brother began to scream. I hated his screaming. It hurt my head.
I lifted my hands to put over my ears.
“Fuck!” he shouted, then pushed open the door to the house and climbed out,
slamming it shut to leave me trapped inside. “Shut your mouth you little cunt!”
he roared at my brother. But my brother just screamed all the more.
I rocked on the spot, humming to try to block out the sounds. But I could still
hear the screams, I couldn’t block them out. Dropping my hands, I held out my
arm and clawed at my skin. I had to get the flames out. If I got out all the flames
he would love me. And he wouldn’t shout at the baby. And the baby would stop
screaming.
So I clawed at my skin.
I clawed until I felt blood running down my arms.
Until I could feel the flames coming out…
“Flame?”
I gasped for breath and opened my eyes. My hands were on my head and I was
rocking against the wall. But there was that voice again…
Maddie. The voice belonged to Maddie.
“Flame? Talk to me.” Maddie insisted. Then I remembered my hands on her
skin. On her arms… on her neck.
“No!” I was going to hurt her, then… This little light of mine, I’m gonna
shine…
I recognized her voice. I heard her voice. In the darkness, I heard her voice. My
eyes stung when I heard that voice in my head… when I heard her sing.
“Flame?” Her voice was closer now.
 I could hear footsteps on the floor, but my head was full. I could hear
screaming, I could hear the baby screaming. But I couldn’t touch him. And she’d
gone. Because of me.
Then he’d come to me, night after night…
“Flame, look at me.” Unable to do anything else, I looked up and blinked away
the water blocking my sight, the images fogging my mind. They cleared when I
saw her. When I saw her green eyes.
But when I looked behind her, I could see him walking forward. Anger ripped
through my chest. He couldn’t hurt her. He couldn’t touch her, like he did me. I
could see his eyes on her.
I had to make him go. He had to go.
My hands pushed off the wood beneath me and his attention snapped to me.
“Flame?” Maddie whispered, as she scurried backwards.
“No!” I shouted. She was moving nearer him. And he was removing his belt.
My heart dropped when I saw his hands undoing his belt.
I staggered across my cabin. I needed to get to the hatch. I needed to save her.
She’d been hurt enough. I couldn’t let him hurt her too.
My hands dropped to the button on my leathers and I hurried to undo it. But
my hands were weak, my body wasn’t reacting right. When I looked behind me,
he was following. I pulled my leathers down and off my feet, and heard his
voice. “I’m gonna take the sin from your body, from your flesh, boy.” I sat down
over the door, my chest hunched forward as I lowered my hand to touch my
cock. It was hard. I was ready for him. Ready for his pain.
Looking around me, I searched for the knife. It was lying beside me. Picking it
up, with him towering over me, I moved my hand on my cock, stroking back and
forth. The blade of the knife struck at my flesh and I counted. “One…”
He stood behind me, his chest pushing against my back. I could feel him
pushing inside. The pain always felt like it was too much, but I needed it. He’d
made me need it.
I counted on.
Something moved before me, and I looked up, my heart beating too fast.
Maddie before me, her hand over her mouth.
I worked my hand harder, needing to come. When I came, he left. Then he
would leave Maddie alone. He pushed his cock against me harder. Striking the
blade across my stomach, I screamed “Eleven!” and came on the hatch. The
vomit came quicker this time. In seconds I leaned over the bucket at my side and
emptied my stomach. But nothing came up. My head pounded and my vision
became hazy when I pulled back.
Unable to remain sitting I fell over to lie on the hatch. Then I heard heavy
footsteps walking away. I knew he was leaving the cabin. But I knew he’d be
back… at least he was gone for now. I breathed as deeply as I could manage, but
the skin across my chest stung, making it difficult.
A sniffing sound made me freeze. Blinking, I looked up at Maddie. She had
dropped to her knees and now, she was just a few feet away. Then I felt an ache
in my chest when I saw tears falling from her eyes. Her bottom lip was trembling
and her hands were clutched in her lap.
“Flame,” she whispered when she saw me watching her. “Why did you do that
to yourself?”
I wanted to move closer to her, but my body was too weak. I was so tired.
Maddie shuffled closer, until she was almost at my side. She wiped at her
cheeks, then asked, “Answer me, Flame. Why did you just hurt yourself?”
My mouth felt sore, my lips barely able to move, but Maddie had asked me a
question and I wanted to answer. “He came for me. To release the flames, the
evil. I saw him behind you, so I had to protect you. I… I had to protect you.”
Maddie stilled. I saw her throat swallow. “Who came for you?”
I thought of the man in my head—dark eyes and dark hair. “Him,” I replied,
my skin crawling at his image in my head.
Maddie frowned still. “And he comes for you? To do… that?” she asked, her
voice catching slightly as she spoke.
I nodded my head, then I laid my cheek to the floor. I was tired.
Maddie eyes dropped to stare at her hands. I stayed watching her. Her long
black hair was touching the floor as she sat down. It was my favorite part of her.
Except for her green eyes. And her small hands. I always thought of her small
hands.
“I like your hair,” I said as I stared. Maddie’s green eyes lifted. A blush coated
her cheeks and my stomach tightened at the sight. Every time I looked at her, my
stomach clenched. And when her eyes looked at me like they were doing right
now, my heart always raced. The pulse in my neck always beat faster.
 “Thank you,” she whispered, and I caught her full lips hook up at the side. It
made her look even more beautiful than I already thought she was.
The room became silent. Maddie took a deep breath and told me, “I like your
hands.”
A feeling of heat suddenly filled my body. But it wasn’t the flames. This felt
different. My muscles weren’t burning. My skin wasn’t crawling. It felt…
strange…
… I frowned. Maddie had liked something on me? No one had ever liked me.
No one had ever commented on how I looked. I forced my hand to move. It felt
like a dead weight underneath me, but I pushed it out until it lay flat on the floor
in front of me. I studied the colored tattooed skin, flames covering the entire
thing.
“Why?” I croaked, and glanced up to still find Maddie watching me. “Why do
you like my hand?”
The blush on her face deepened. But her eyes were watching my hand as it lay
on the floor. Suddenly, Maddie moved. She began to lie down, mirroring my
position. My heart fired off like a cannon, when she lowered her head and
pressed her cheek to the floor. Like this, she was looking directly into my eyes.
“Is… is this okay?” she whispered.
I nodded my head and replied, “Yeah. Just…” I tried to hold back my panic,
and said, “Just don’t come near this hatch. Don’t… don’t touch me.”
“I will not,” Maddie confirmed quietly. The hand resting near her head inched
forward in my direction. I stopped breathing as I thought she was going to touch
me. But her hand stopped about an inch from mine.
I wondered what she was doing, when she said, “I like how your hand looks
next to mine. It is so big and mine is so small. Yet I feel they look compatible.”
I focused on our hands and noticed that my hand was bigger than hers.
Maddie’s little finger then extended, landing right next to mine. I thought of
ripping my hand away, but something stopped me. I didn’t want her to touch me,
because I didn’t want her to be hurt. My touch only ever caused people to be
hurt. But I left my hand where it was, our little fingers staring at each other.
“I sometimes imagine what our hands would look like... touching. What they
would look like with our fingers intertwined. I wonder if it would make me
smile. At times I daydream that it would be something we could do.”
 Maddie’s voice was so quiet as she spoke. I couldn’t take my eyes off our
hands. I tried to picture in my head what she described. I saw her hand reaching
out for mine, but then I thought of how it would make me feel, and I shook my
head.
“Our hands can’t ever touch. I can’t… I couldn’t do it.”
Maddie’s lips pulled into a half smile, but water filled her eyes and her voice
hitched.
“Why are your eyes filling with water? Why is your voice breaking?” I asked,
confused. I had to understand what she was thinking. What she was feeling. I
didn’t know, and I had to.
“I am sad, Flame. It makes me sad to know that we can never touch.”
The muscles in my stomach pulled tight with the knowledge that I’d made her
sad. Then that warm feeling I’d felt cooled and I no longer felt good. “I don’t
want to make you sad. Not you. I just can’t be touched. It makes the flames
worse. I can’t touch you.”
“It is okay, Flame,” Maddie said in response. She looked up at me and added,
“Because I cannot be touched by a man either. But I dream about it regardless.”
I took a deep breath as I looked around my cabin. It was different. My things
had been moved. It was clean. And… Maddie? No one ever came inside. But
Maddie was inside now. And she wasn’t running away. No one ever wanted to
stay.
They always left.
I was always here alone.
“Why’re you in here, Maddie?”
Maddie’s body tensed, as she replied, “You have not been well and I came to
try and make you better.” Her head tilted to the side and she asked, “Do you not
remember?”
I tried to search my mind, but all I could hear were screams and shouts. I could
hear bullets. Then I could feel people tying me down.
“I don’t remember. I just woke up to you. Woke up tired but seeing him
standing behind you. And I had to save you.”
Maddie stared at our hands and whispered, “You always save me.”
“I have to.”
 Maddie stopped breathing, then asked, “Why?”
I searched my head for the answer, then said, “Because I think about you all the
time. You look at me in a way no one else does. I think about what those men in
that fucking cult did to you, and I can’t stand it. I need to make sure no one
touches you like that again. And…” I sucked in a breath seeing an image in my
head.
“And what?” Maddie asked.
“And you touched me,” I hushed out. In my head I saw her wrap her arms
around my waist in that commune. “And I touched you back. And you weren’t
hurt by me. The flames didn’t burn too hot under my skin at your touch and
make my head full of noise.”
“And I did not fear you,” she replied. “I fear a man’s touch. I find it abhorrent.
But not yours. I wanted to embrace you that day. I needed to. Even if we cannot
ever embrace again.”
My chest tightened as she told me she didn’t fear me. She wasn’t scared of me.
I tried to lift my head, but I couldn’t find the strength. And I was cold. I was so
cold. My eyes began to close, but I didn’t want to sleep. I thought of him in my
sleep. It hurt when I slept. I wanted to stay here with Maddie. I needed to stay
awake.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice forced my eyes to open. “You need to drink. You are
dehydrated. Severely dehydrated.” I watched her as she got to her feet. My body
twitched, bracing to stand when I thought she was leaving, but she just walked to
the kitchen and filled up a glass with water.
Maddie brought it over to me and sat down. “Can you lift your head?”
I forced my head to lift. Carefully, Maddie brought the glass to my lips. And I
stared at her the whole time. I drank the entire glass and Maddie placed it beside
her.
“You should sleep,” she said soothingly, but my body twitched. Maddie
jumped at my sudden movement, her eyes widening. “What is wrong?”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Maddie took a deep breath, and she blushed again.
“Why do you blush at things I say?” I asked, as her cheeks turned pink. I had to
fight to breathe at the sight. It made my heart beat harder.
Maddie dipped her head. “Because I like what you say. It makes me feel… I do
not know… special, when I am with you? It…” She held her hand over her
chest, over her heart. “I feel it right here.”
“You are special to me,” I answered honestly.
Maddie glanced away, then when she stared down at me again, she was
smiling. I liked it when she smiled. She didn’t smile much at all.
“I will stay, Flame. While you sleep, I shall stay.” She stood and walked to my
bed. It had been moved into the middle of the bedroom. I watched her pull off
the linen, linen covered in blood, and leave it by the door. She looked around,
then asked, “Where do you keep the linen for the bed? I will dress the bed so you
can sleep on clean sheets.”
“I sleep here,” I said. Maddie cautiously walked forward. Her forehead was
pulled down again.
“You sleep on this floor?” she asked quietly. “Over this hatch?” Her voice had
lost strength.
“Yeah.”
“Every night?”
“Yeah,” I answered again.
“Without linen or bedding? Just you on this floor?”
“Yeah.”
Her face straightened and turning, she said, “Okay.”
Maddie moved to the only chair in the room and pulled the old blanket off the
top. She walked back to me and held it out. “May I cover you with this? Your
skin is shivering because you are exhausted. You need to be warm.”
“I’m always cold when I sleep,” I told her. Maddie’s hand tightened into fists
on the blanket. “I’ve always slept in the cold.”
“There is no need.” Her words confused me. I tried to find an answer for why I
should be cold, but I couldn’t. I’d always been cold in my room as a kid, and
then in the cellar. But I couldn’t think why I had to be cold right now.
Maddie moved to stand above me, and said, “Use this blanket, for me?
Please…”
I nodded my head, and braced for the material on my body. Maddie laid it over
me, but she didn’t touch me.
The blanket felt strange on my skin. Another new feeling burst into my
stomach. Maddie was the first person ever to want me to be warm. The first
person to ever care since my mama.
I tracked Maddie as she stood still, her back turned to me. Her fingers were
tense, but then she turned and looked down upon me. The expression on her face
was new. I thought I knew her every look but, in this one, her lips were tense and
her shoulders were pulled back. Then she lay on the floor in front of me again,
her hand landing just an inch from mine.
Her cheek pressed flat to the wood. “Sleep, Flame. I will not leave you. I will
stay right here until you are awake.”
My eyes began to close, darkness pulling me under. But the last thing I saw
was Maddie’s green eyes, still staring at me. And even when the dark closed in,
the darkness that I hated, her eyes shone bright. They chased away the pain.



 Chapter Twelve

Maddie

He slept soundly.
He barely moved. The only movement was of his chest rising and falling with
deep and peaceful long breaths. This lulling sound helped me relax, but each
time my eyes drifted to a close, all I could see was Flame rocking against the
wall, hands on head as he hummed.
I was convinced that he was not even aware he was humming. It seemed to me
that he was trying to block something out of his mind. I sat frozen in fear at what
it could be, when his eyes lifted to look at me. Yet they did not see me. He
focused on something behind me. Something that caused his face to turn ashen,
his eyes to bleed out life.
I squeezed my eyes shut when I remembered him staggering over to this hatch
in the floor, and how he fought to remove his leather pants and… Lord… to
touch himself. Roughly, painfully, and at the same time slicing his blade across
his flesh eleven times. His entire body was covered with tattoos. Every part of
him pierced. Every so often my eyes would catch sight of a strange scar,
boasting two raised lumps. I had no idea how one could acquire such injuries.
And he found release on the floor, his back hunched forward. But not like he
was in a pleasurable rapture, rather he was so pained by the manner of his
release that it caused his body to expel his seed.
Then there was the vomit.
I remembered the vomit. I remembered it well. Because after Moses would
take me as a child. When he would tie me down, rip through my womanhood
and take me to rid my body of evil, I would vomit. It was part of the course. My
shame, expelling the shame the act had caused.
I thought of Flame on the bed, his back arching like someone was penetrating
him from behind. It dawned on me that we shared more in common that I had
previously thought. Though, I was sure, what was done to Flame was far worse.
I thought of him talking to me. And in the quickest of turns, my heart fluttered.
As I lay on this floor, I struggled to suppress the smile forming on my lips.
I like your hair…
Such a simple truth, yet one that sang to my heart. Because I was sure Flame
did not offer compliments. Viking had told me Flame was shy and that he did
not understand the subtlety of human emotions. The more we spoke, the more I
could see for myself that he struggled to understand my emotions. His dark eyes
would narrow on mine when I assumed my expression was changing. But he
could not read me. Yet he felt comfortable enough with me to ask why I shed
tears. Why I blushed.
Some may find it abrupt, the way he spoke, and question why such simple
understandings did not come to him as easily as they did to others. But I found it
to be a most amazing transgression. Men, in my experience, generally had no
qualms about using falsehoods for their personal gain. But with Flame, I knew
he would not lie. He could not lie. That made me feel so unbelievably safe. And
to me, feeling safe was the most important thing in my life.
The cabin was dark. I knew that hours and hours must have passed. I wondered
if AK and Viking remained outside, keeping watch. I suspected that they were. I
knew I should tell them that Flame seemed to have subdued whatever had held
him in its clutches. But I refused to move. Flame was still not back. Right now
he was broken down by dehydration and his inner demons. His skin was still raw
and he needed lots of care.
And, selfishly, I wanted to be left alone with him. I did not know how long we
could stay in this existence—just the two of us—however I did not want it to end
for a while.
Feeling my eyelids flutter down, the last thing I saw before I drifted to sleep
was my hand, just a fraction from touching his.

*****

The sound of birds outside the cabin called me from sleep. Opening my eyes,
my body jerked at the sight of an unfamiliar room, then clashed with a familiar
face. Intense dark eyes stared at mine.
We stayed that way, laying in silence, until I took a deep breath and spoke a
nervous, “Hello.”
 Flame’s eyes blinked; once, twice, three times. Then his dry lips parted and he
replied, “You stayed.”
The expression on his face had not changed but the tone of his voice expressed
disbelief. “I told you I would.”
A sigh slipped from between his lips.
“How did you sleep?” I asked, glad to see that beneath the dried blood and dirt
on his face, color had returned to his cheeks.
“I slept?” he asked. I frowned at his question. He waited patiently for my
answer.
“Yes, Flame. You slept.”
“For how long?” This time his already broken voice was raspy.
I glanced up out of the covered window of kitchen, letting in the beginnings of
the day. “Hours. Maybe seven or eight? I do not know precisely.”
Flame’s breathing increased and his nostrils flared. I quickly sat up as his
muscles tensed. I feared he was slipping back into the darkness, back into the pit
of hell he was in when strapped to the bed. Instead his lost eyes sought out mine,
and he whispered, “I never sleep. I always want to. But I never can. There’s
always too much in my head.” Flame’s weak hand lifted and tapped at his head.
I feared my heart had torn straight down the center when I heard these gutting
words. Flame swallowed. When he was still the same Flame from last night, the
Flame who talked to me so sweetly, I relaxed and lay back on the floor. Flame’s
tense body relaxed too.
“You never sleep? At night, you do not sleep?”
Flame exhaled. He held out a bruised arm for me to inspect. He pointed to his
wrist. “The flames. They keep me awake. They run though my blood. And they
burn. When I sleep, they wake me and he is always here to release them. So I
stay awake.”
Flame’s eyebrows pulled down. “I don’t feel the flames now.” He dropped his
hovering arm near my leg. “I don’t feel the flames when you’re near. Somehow,
you calm the flames.”
My throat closed up. I swore I could feel my heart aching. I shuffled to lie on
my front, mere inches from where he lay. I saw Flame’s body tense, but he did
not protest our proximity. His hands balled into fists, but he did not speak.
When I saw his fingers lose their rigidity, I said, “I rarely sleep either. Yet,
here, on this cold hard floor…” I ducked my head feeling my cheeks heat
searching for words, then whispered, “with you. Beside you, I did not wake
once.”
Flame searched my face. “Your cheeks are blushing again. That means you
liked it. You told me you blushed when you liked something. That I’d just made
you feel special.” His lips rubbed together, and I could see his mind turning
over. “You liked sleeping next to me. Because it made you feel special.”
A smile crept on my lips. I fought the need to shy away. “Yes.”
Flame hissed through his teeth and, releasing a long breath, said. “I liked it
too.”
On hearing his answer, my finger traced along the wood patterns on the floor,
but inside my feelings were joyful. Warm and… happy…
Silence ensued for several minutes. My hands remained tracing the wood on
the floor, but I could feel Flame watching me. When I eventually lifted my eyes,
my cheeks heated anew.
As the light grew brighter outside, I noticed that Flame’s blanket had bunched
at his legs. And in this light, I saw the true extent of his injuries, the open gashes
on his skin, the dried blood and dirt that he needed to remove.
“Flame?”
Flame, still fighting his exhaustion, struggled to look up at me. For a moment I
had to stop myself from reaching out my hand and touching his face. His
expression, as he stared up at me from his place on the floor, was so innocent, so
lost, I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and tell him he was
safe. Safe with me.
Flame waited for me to speak, his large dark eyes blinking slowly. Clearing my
throat, I pointed to the bathroom. “You need to cleanse. You will heal better if
you are free from the blood covering your skin.”
Flame looked down at his arms and frowned.
“I shall run a bath for you,” I said, as I got to my feet.
“It has to be cold,” he stated firmly.
I stopped dead and I looked back over my shoulder. “Okay.”
I went to move again, when he instructed, “The coldest it can be. No hot
water.”
 I dropped my head, fighting sadness and wonderment at why it had to be that
way. “Flame—”
“I need it to cool the flames, Maddie. I can’t fucking have it any other way.”
“As you wish,” I replied, and entered the bathroom. When I had cleaned the
day before it had taken me a while to find the towels. They were in a closet that I
knew had never been opened. I suspected he did not use them.
Moving to the large tub, I began running the faucet: cold tap only. I ran my
hand under the flowing water and flinched at the icy coldness. I did not know
how he could stand it. I did not know how sitting in this temperature would feel
good. But then my heart dropped when I knew that was the very reason.
It would inflict pain. He would suffer more pain. My eyes squeezed shut at the
thought of him sitting here nightly, forcing his body to sustain such a frigid
temperature, to calm the flames he believed so desperately tormented him.
Out of nowhere, a fierce anger surged through me. I was angry at the man who
made Flame think this way. And I was angry at how no one had ever told him he
was not evil. That he was so much more.
Leaving the tub to fill, I made my way back to the main room. Flame had
turned over, his front now facing the direction of the bathroom. My heart
swelled when those black eyes landed on me and he exhaled in relief.
“It is filling up.” I pointed to the kitchen and said, “I am going to make us some
food. You have to eat to restore your strength.”
Flame's blank expression gave nothing of his feelings away, then he said, “I am
so tired. My body feels weak. I fucking hate feeling like this.”
“I know. But we will get you better. We will make you strong again.”
“We?” he questioned.
I edged in the kitchen, but looked back to say. “Yes. We. I am here to care for
you. I am here to help you feel better.” I watched him watch me and asked, “Do
you understand?”
Flame nodded, his bearded cheek rubbing against the hardwood, and he said,
“You’re to stay here with me. Until I’m well.” I smiled as I made to prepare
food, when he added, “My Maddie.” My heart soared at the reverence in his
rough voice, and hot tears stung my eyes.
He was calling me his. Claiming my heart as I had already claimed his.
The silence was heavy as it clung in the air, and without turning back, I
whispered, “My Flame.”
I caught his sharp inhale of breath. But I kept my eyes fixed forward. I did not
have the courage to face him. I feared I would break if I did.
I quickly busied myself with chopping the vegetables I had not reached
yesterday and brought the water in the pan to a boil.
Cooking helped me keep my head clear. It helped me focus.
As the vegetables began to boil, I walked into the bathroom and stopped the
faucet. Dipping my hand in the tub, I automatically wrenched it straight back
out. It was freezing.
Suddenly, a sound from behind me made me flinch. I reared back to see Flame
gripping the doorframe. His huge body was staggering forward, his teeth gritting
together as he forced his weakened legs to walk, one slow step at a time.
And he was naked. Naked but for the dried blood coating his body.
I focused on his eyes, but when he stumbled forward, his legs giving out, I
reached out to catch him. Flame’s eyes widened as I rushed forward.
“NO!” he shouted harshly, the force of his bellow freezing me mid-movement.
Flame panted with exertion, until he reached the bath and his hands gripped the
edge. I moved to run past when he said brokenly, “I can’t… I can’t be touched. I
can’t stand it, Maddie.”
My heart broke. “I know,” I replied, and promptly left the room.
Entering the small kitchen I pressed both hands on the countertop and took a
deep breath. My hands trembled at the shock of Flame’s resistance to my touch.
Then I shook my head in disbelief. I was going to touch him. And it had not
repulsed me. He had need of my help, and my body had reacted accordingly.
Taking in a deep breath, I moved back from the counter. I heard a pained groan
coming from the bathroom. Heart still trembling, I stepped backwards and
looked inside. Flame was inside the tub. His body was arched and he was
shaking profusely. But he was bathing. He was forcing himself to endure the
pain.
I could not watch.
Checking the soup was fine, I let my gaze wander around the small cabin, my
eyes landing on the large open fire at the end of the room. There were logs and a
flint at the side, and a box of matches on the mantle.
 The room was cold, the winter’s day chilling the air. But more than that,
Flame’s body was already suffering with fatigue, persevering with the ice cold
bath would only make things worse.
In minutes the fire was lit, flames beginning to climb. The sound of the
firewood crackling, and the smell of soup boiling on the stove, immediately
made me feel calm. Then I glanced behind me to the hatch in the floor. The one
stained with Flame’s dried blood and seed. I wondered why he had to sleep
there? Why it was so important to him?
The sound of sloshing water pulled me from my thoughts. Flame would be
coming out soon. My cheeks heated when I thought of his naked body. And that
if I was correct, he would reject the towel I had left out for him.
I thought of how he normally dressed and found myself in front a small closet
near his bedroom. Opening the door, the only things hanging in there were a few
pairs of leathers. Choosing one, I headed back to the bathroom and, still seeing
Flame in the bath, placed them on the floor.
I then moved back to the fire, and sank to the floor.
And I patiently waited for Flame to appear.



 Chapter Thirteen

Flame

I’d shouted at her. And she’d left.
I moved my fingers over my arm to dig my fingernails into the veins as I
always did in the tub, but as I focused on my skin, I couldn’t feel the flames.
Instead all I could think of was where Maddie was. Was she standing in the
kitchen? All I could see were green eyes looking up at me through her long
lashes, with cheeks blushing.
I liked her cheeks blushing. Because it meant she liked what I had said to her.
It made her feel special.
Because she was special to me. She was everything. She was all I thought
about, day and night. I had to be underneath her window just to be near her. And
now she was in my cabin. My Maddie was in here, with me, now. Caring for me.
She said she would care for me. No one had ever cared for me before.
Putting my hands on the side of the tub I forced myself to get out. My arms
shook as I held my weight, but I managed to put my feet on the floor, skin
stinging from the slashes. From the cold.
I stood with my head down waiting to dry. I saw a towel in the corner, that
Maddie must have put out. But I never touched them. Instead I forced my wet
skin to face the cold.
I ran my hand down my face and I closed my eyes. I was so fucking tired.
When I was dry, I went to move out of the door when I saw a pair of leathers
on the floor. I stared at those leathers and my heart pumped hard.
Maddie. Maddie again.
I had to sit on the side of the tub to put them on, but I managed to push them
over my legs, my teeth gritting together as the tight material scraped against my
new slashes. But the pain reminded me what lived within me. Why Maddie
could never get too close.
Planting my hands on the doorframe, I walked through into the living room and
found Maddie sitting near a lit fire. The room was warm. This room was never
warm.
Maddie’s tiny body was sitting on the floor, back facing me. But when I
approached, her head whipped round and her mouth parted.
My stomach tightened. She looked so perfect sitting by the fire. Her black hair
was hanging down one side of her body, but in the flames her green eyes were
bright.
“Flame…” she whispered and her eyes dropped to looked over my body. My
legs felt weak, my body feeling too heavy. I needed to sit down.
Using the wall, I staggered forward, until I sat opposite Maddie and slumped to
the floor.
Maddie sat up straight and asked, “Do you feel better?”
My skin felt tight and numb from the cold. And the flames had calmed—I felt
better. I nodded my head, and Maddie’s eyes narrowed. “You look cold.” I
didn’t respond, and inching closer, her long dress dragging on the floor, she said,
“Are you cold, Flame?”
“Yeah.”
“But you must bathe like that to stop the flames in your blood?”
“Yeah.”
Maddie sighed, and rose to her feet. “I have made you soup. You need to eat to
regain your strength.”
I watched her go into the kitchen and put soup in a bowl. Then she brought it
back to me and placed it by my side. But my arms felt too heavy to move, to
pick it up, the warmth from the fire causing my freezing muscles to tingle with
pain. Like shards of glass were scraping across my skin.
“Flame?” She sat before me, at my feet and pointed at the bowl. “Are you
hungry?”
“Yeah,” I rasped and looked to the bowl, but I could barely move my arms. My
fingers bent, and then straightened as I tried to move my arms. I stared at my
hands wanting them to move, but I was too tired.
Then Maddie, without saying a word, shuffled to my side and lifted the bowl.
Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, and then the bowl. Her expression had
changed, but I wasn’t sure what was wrong.
“What are you feeling?” I asked. Maddie froze.
 Dropping her gaze, she stirred the spoon in the bowl and said, “It feels… it
feels nice being this close to you.” Her lip curled at the side and she added, “And
you are clean. I can see your skin.” She looked up at me through her long lashes
and shrugged. “You are you again. You look… like my Flame.”
My body tensed. “Your Flame?” I asked, making sure I watched her face
closely. I didn’t want to ever look away. I wanted to see her say it again.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Like this, without the blood on your skin, you are my
Flame, again.” Maddie stirred the spoon again and said, “Can I feed you?”
“Yeah,” I replied and braced for her to move closer.
Maddie shuffled on her knees but she stopped just inches from my legs and
said, “I will not touch you. I would never give you cause to distrust me like
that.”
I relaxed, and a second later Maddie lifted the spoon to my mouth. The hot
soup hit my tongue and I groaned. Viking normally made me my food. I didn’t
know how to cook anything. But it never tasted like this.
Maddie was silent as she fed me the soup. My empty stomach suddenly felt full
as the hot liquid ran down my throat.
And I watched her. I watched as she was calm at first, but the more I studied
her, the more her hand began to shake. When the last of the soup was gone, she
dropped the spoon to the bowl, and lowered her head.
I frowned.
Maddie’s small chest lifted with her breathing, but it was getting faster and
faster. “Thank you,” I said. Maddie’s head snapped up.
“What for?”
“The soup,” I replied and her head lowered again. I didn’t understand why she
wasn’t looking me in the eye.
“Maddie—”
“Do you believe that I am a sinner, Flame? Do you look at me and believe that
the devil created me to tempt men?”
Instant anger raged through my veins at her question. My jaw clenched as I
shook my head. “Fuck no,” I growled, my hands coming back to life as the
flames that ran under my skin began to ignite.
Maddie placed the bowl down on the floor. “All of my life I was cast aside,
along with my sisters. I was paraded through the commune as a child and the
people were told by the elders that I was evil. That my looks; my hair, my skin,
my eyes… my body, were perfectly crafted by the devil to tempt men to do evil
things.”
I focused on breathing through my nostrils, to keep calm. But I was losing my
shit. I couldn’t get the image of that fucked up commune from my head. Of that
cunt Moses holding Maddie’s hand, that little hand that was mine, as people
looked at her and hated her.
Maddie’s eyes held mine, and she quietly asked, “Do you think me beautiful,
Flame?”
My heart slammed in my chest. “Yeah. The most beautiful,” I answered.
Maddie nodded, blushed, then asked, “Do you think I am evil?”
Unable to contain my anger, my hand fisted and I hit out at the empty bowl. It
crashed along the floor and smashed apart.
Maddie stiffened, but inhaling a deep breath, she continued to speak. “Neither
do I… now. But for years I believed it to be true, and I would question all of the
time why God had singled me out, to spite me. Because I did not feel evil. And
my sisters,” Maddie’s voice cracked and her eyes filled with water, “my sisters,
to me, were not evil. They were perfect. Yet all of commune despised us. They
would spit upon us as we walked by. And they would recite passages of
deliverance to us, trying to rid the devil from our souls.”
Maddie’s hands, in her lap, trembled. “Then I turned six and my life went from
being one of fear and loathing, to being one of pain and utter self-hatred. On my
sixth birthday, Brother Moses came to take me away at eight in the morning.”
She huffed a humorless laugh. “The birds had been singing outside, and I
remember that it was incredibly hot. There was not a cloud in the perfectly blue
sky. It truly was the most perfect of days… a day that ended in darkness. I did
not know it then, but it would be the day to change it all.”
Maddie quickly wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye, and feeling all of her
pain, my skin crawled.
“He took me, Flame. He took me in ways I do not think I will ever be able to
divulge, as saying them aloud makes me feel it all over again. He did things I did
not know were even possible. And every time he did, I believed more and more
that I was a Cursed Woman of Eve. I believed I was inherently evil.”
Maddie shook her shoulders and took a deep breath. I stayed transfixed. I
stayed transfixed on her pretty eyes. “And then Mae left. I had returned from a
Lord’s Sharing to find Lilah sitting alone in our quarters. And she was crying.
Mae had gone. But not only that, I found out that my elder sister, Bella, had been
killed by Brother Gabriel for refusing his advances. It was why Mae ran. I
remember praying with Lilah, the two of us believing that God was punishing
us. Taking us one by one. I lived in fear for days. The Disciple Guards could not
find Mae, and it drove them to such anger that it terrified me.”
Maddie’s breathing changed, the knuckles on her hands became white. The
color had drained from her face, and with unfocused eyes, she said, “That was
when they all came for me. All four elders. They believed my bloodline was
tainted. That my blood ran with nothing but sin and evil. The bloodline I shared
with Bella and Mae.”
I sucked in a breath, my body now shaking. But I couldn’t move to get my
blade. My body was rooted to the fucking floor by Maddie’s words. Turning my
hand, I curled my fingers and dug in my nails.
Maddie’s eyes slammed down to watch as I began to count under my breath.
But she carried on.
“I wanted to die, Flame. I no longer wanted to live. I remember thinking I
would have accepted eternal damnation than to live like that. I could no longer
bear to be touched. I hated men. All they had ever done was hurt me.” Maddie
paused, then leaned forward.
I stilled.
“Then Mae returned, and following close behind was her love. Her love and his
friends. When I saw the men all lined up as Mae brought Lilah and I from the
cell, I had never felt such fear before. The men all appeared different to what I
was used to. Then when I looked to the ground, I saw slain elders. The men who
had just spent months sexually exorcising evil from my blood. Yet the man that
grieved me most was not there. I found out from Mae’s love that another had
been slain in the trees. And for the first time in my life, a sinful thought crossed
my mind. Because I prayed that it was Brother Moses. I prayed to God that he
had paid with his life for the years he had caused me pain.
“I ran into the woods, then I saw him. I saw him impaled against the tree. I saw
the four long blades keeping him in place. I saw the blood pouring from his
mouth. I saw his dark lifeless eyes staring into nothing… and I remember
breathing. I remember standing there, staring at my torturer, my own living
demon, and I breathed. I smelled the fresh air. I could smell the flowers. I heard
the birds singing in the trees. At that moment I realized that I was alive. For all
those years, I had not been living.”
I listened to Maddie talk and saw that blush coat her cheeks again. I wondered
why, then she spoke, and I knew.
“I walked back to the clearing where I had left Mae and Lilah. I felt all the men
looking at me, but I had one task. One burning question: who was my liberator?
Which man had freed me?” I noticed Maddie’s hands had stopped shaking. And
when I glanced back up, she was looking at me with a new expression. I didn’t
understand why, but it made me feel good.
“And it was a man at the end of the line. A man who was covered in colorful
drawings, and pierced with metal. And he had blades attached to his leather
pants. I remember standing before him. He was so tall and I had to tip my head
backwards just to see his eyes, his eyes that were so dark they appeared black.
And I asked him if he had killed the man in the trees. He answered yes, he gave
me a straight truthful answer that held no shame, and I knew right there, that he
was my savior. He had slain the man who had ruined my life.”
I saw it all in my head. Everything she said, I saw in my mind. Because I lived
it every day. I saw it in my head all day every day. Maddie standing before me.
Her green eyes staring into mine. The first person to ever stop the flames.
“And as all the barriers around my heart crumbled to dust, I held him. For the
first time in my life I held a man, I embraced him. I felt his hot skin against my
cheek, and I felt his heart race in his chest. And then a miracle occurred—he
held me back. A man. A man held me, and I felt no desire to throw him off me.
Because this man had saved me.” Maddie paused, eyes unflinching. “The man
they called Flame.”
I breathed in and out, in and out, but Maddie’s eyes didn’t look away. She
refused to let me go, and I couldn’t move.
“I held you, and you held me.” Her hands moved and gestured down her body.
“And your touch did not harm me. The flames you believe run in your veins, did
not engulf me. Instead, you gave me life. You gave me back my light.” Another
tear fell down her cheek, and she whispered, “You, Flame. My Flame. My
tortured boy. You gave me life and light.”
“Maddie,” I said and heard my own voice. It was broken and it was rough, but
inside. Inside, I felt… quiet. I didn’t feel anything.
My eyes dropped down to my arm. My fingernails on my skin had frozen. I
hadn’t finished my counts. I hadn’t drawn blood. I blinked and blinked again,
my body sagging with tiredness and confusion.
“I know you feel there are flames in your blood. I know you believe there is
evil within you. But I am here to fight those beliefs. Because I think, like Brother
Moses did to me, someone made you believe these truths. And you may never
tell me who or why. I may never know why you sleep on the floor. I may never
know why you slash your arms eleven times, but I know that you are not evil,
Flame. How can you be evil when you ignite such hope in me?”
“I do?” I croaked.
“Every night you arrive below my window. And every day when I feel those
dark eyes of yours watching me with a blinding intensity.”
I closed my eyes and my arms fell to my side. The heat in my veins was gone.
With Maddie by my side, I didn’t want to cut. I didn’t need to spill blood.
“Sleep, Flame. You are tired.”
The heat from the fire warmed my skin and I wanted to sleep. I wanted to get
stronger, because then I could be closer to Maddie. I could hear more of her
voice, taste more of her food. And listen to her sing.
As my head lay on the hardwood floor, my skin warm and clean, I looked up at
Maddie who was beside me and asked, “Sing again. Sing for me again.”
Maddie blushed and my lip twitched. She’d liked that I’d asked her. As the fire
crackled, and my skin warmed, I heard her begin to sing…
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…”
And the flames let me sleep.



 Chapter Fourteen

Prophet Cain
New Zion Commune

“So the hit on the Hangmen drop off was a success?”
I looked across the table at Judah and his face lit up. Sitting forward, with his
hands on the tabletop, he replied, “More than a success. The Chechens bowed
out when they lost their man. Then as we hoped, they turned straight to the Klan
for business. Which means we have another buyer. And this is just the
beginning.”
“And fatalities?” I asked.
Judah sat back and shrugged. “Minimum. The Chechen’s dead. A woman was
hit. She survived though.”
Brother Luke shifted on his seat. “The men the Klan hired were killed.” He
paled and shook his head. “Murdered, and tortured, about twenty miles north of
Georgetown. One of the Hangmen caught them and tore them apart with a
knife.”
My stomach sank, as a familiar face flashed in my mind. “Flame,” I murmured.
“The brother is deadly with a knife.”
“He’s the devil’s man. They all are,” Judah spat. I could hear the venom in his
voice. “All of them will pay eventually. It is just a matter of time.”
I nodded, then looked to my brother and my adviser. “Is there anything else?”
They both nodded, but flashing a look to Judah, Brother Luke stood awkwardly
and left the room. I suddenly found myself alone with Judah in the office. Judah
sighed and got to his feet. “What is wrong, Cain? You have been quiet recently.”
I glanced outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows and sank farther into my seat.
“I do not know. I feel 'off'. I feel like I can never get a sermon correct. I feel like
our people are losing faith in me. And I feel like the battle that must be waged
with the Hangmen is impossible. One Chechen contract does not seem like
enough.” I stared at Judah and said, “I lived with the Hangmen for five years. I
know how far their reach goes, and I know how many contracts they have. One
Chechen deal is like hitting a lion with a plastic arrow—it will anger them, but it
will not kill. In fact, it is the person shooting the arrow who stands to be torn
apart.”
Judah walked beside me and laid his hand on my shoulder. “But we have the
Lord on our side. And the Lord’s message lives within you.”
“I have yet to receive a message from God. Uncle David received them
directly. God spoke to him as you do me now, but I myself have had no word, no
contact.”
“It will come,” Judah soothed. “You are new, the commune is still being
developed. God will speak to you when we are ready to receive a
commandment.”
Running a hand down my face, I forced a smile. “You’re right.”
“Judah’s wide smile was infectious. Then he stepped backwards. “Come, I
have something that will make you happy.”
I got to my feet and followed Judah into the living room. A stack of DVD cases
were piled up on the coffee table standing before the sofa’s. Judah motioned for
me to sit. I did as he asked.
Judah walked into the hallway and came back with a TV on a cart. I frowned.
“Judah, what is this? You know we shun technology.”
He stopped and said, “Then how else am I to show you these. And the Lord
would not disapprove, it is right that you see these videos. You need to relax
more and stop over-thinking your duties. Jesus had Mary Magdalene to soothe
him when his message and ministry became too much, you need someone to do
the same.”
An image of Mae immediately sprung to mind, and for once, I closed my eyes
and allowed myself to remember her black hair, her pale skin and those ice blue
eyes that would smile at me when they lay upon me.
I remembered us sitting on the sofa in my room, her head laying on my
shoulder as she slept. I had never felt anything like it before. Or since. I was
convinced no one else would ever measure up.
The feeling of the sofa dipping beside me snapped me from my thoughts. Judah
sat beside me. He was holding the remote in his hands, the TV screen was fuzzy,
waiting to show me whatever Judah had brought.
 “What is this, brother?” I asked. Judah’s happy grin spread back on his face.
“Your choices,” Judah answered cryptically, and pressed ‘play’ on the remote.
At first I did not know what I was looking at, it was outside, somewhere in the
commune. The amateur-looking tape then cut to a cream wall, perhaps the wall
of the people’s accommodations?
I motioned to Judah with my hand, about to ask him to explain what this was,
when suddenly the image of child came onto the screen. She couldn’t have been
more than eight years old. But that wasn’t what had me fighting back nausea.
No, it belonged to the fact that she was naked, but for flowered garlands in her
hair. And she was dancing. Dancing to some tinny sounding seductive music
playing in the background. And she was shaking. Her tiny body was shaking as a
voice—that I recognized as Brother Luke’s—told her to dance for her Prophet.
The girl tried to move to the beat, but fear made her movements jerky and out of
time.
My chest tightened so much that it rendered me unable to speak. Then Judah
elbowed me in my side. I glanced to my left to see my brother watching the
screen, his teeth grazing over his bottom lip.
He was a stranger to me at that moment.
“What do you think, brother? You could take her as a wife, or a consort. She is
about to reach the age of her awakening.
“Her awakening?” I questioned.
Judah nodded his head and paused the video, the frozen screenshot landing on
the little girl’s face. Her terrified face, her eyes wide and face pale.
“Brother Luke has taught me all about Uncle David’s ways. And one is a
female’s awakening. The day she becomes a woman in the eyes of our faith, a
vessel for our men’s celestial meditations.”
This time vomit did creep to my throat, but I pushed it down to rasp. “There is
nothing of that in our scriptures.”
“Our uncle talked of new revelations by the Lord in his sermons to the people.
Not everything was recorded officially, just in his private letters, therefore it did
not reach us in Utah.” Judah sat forward, excitement radiating from his body.
“There is so much we did not know. So much I am learning from Brother Luke,
and the other disciples. The Lord has blessed us with much, Cain. More than I
ever expected.”
Judah flicked on the screen and that awful music began playing, but I could not
look up.
“If the last was not to your pleasing, there are many more. How about this
one?” I looked up to see an older girl, more developed, dancing seductively. And
unlike the small child, her eyes were confident, her bare body moving slowly to
the beat. She could not have been more than fourteen.
Fourteen.
A child.
Judah began flicking through the DVD, tens and tens of naked children dancing
for the camera. And the more images came on the screen, the more excited Judah
became. I could see him shift on his seat as his eyes bored into the screen.
I closed my eyes as I tried to calm my heart, when suddenly, a conversation
held with Mae shot into my brain. When I had tried to make her stay with me in
commune. The fear on her face should have made me believe her, but I thought
that she was lying, wanting to return to Styx… but what if…
“Have you ever been part of a Lord’s sharing? Have you ever seen an eight-
year-old girl raped, her legs pried apart by a bear trap because she was too
scared to understand what was happening to her? Have you ever forced yourself
inside a child, Cain, because you believe it will help you get closer to God and
because the prophet deemed it so? Well, have you?”
I froze.
“Well?” Mae pushed.
“Did that happen to you? Here?” I asked, the thought of Mae being taken as a
child causing me to see red. “Mae! Answer me! Were you… taken as a child…
like… that?”
Mae’s eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head. “Are you telling me you
have never been in a brother-sister exchange?” she asked again, this time in
disbelief.
I dropped my head, unable to meet her eyes. “I am the heir. I remain pure,” I
informed. I had been locked away my whole life. I had no real idea what
happened at the commune, under my Uncle’s rule…
Anger infused my muscles, and as Judah elbowed me again to look at that
damn screen, I jumped to my feet and screamed, “FUCK!”
My hands raked through my long hair and Judah got to his feet. At the
movement I stared him down. “What the fuck is this, Judah? They are kids! Tiny
kids and teenagers dancing for me to choose? You think I want a kid? You think
I want to fuck a kid?”
Judah’s face blanked at my outburst, as I forced myself to calm down. Taking a
deep breath, I walked to the screen and switched off the TV. The silence that
filled the room was deafening. I could hear the harsh sounds of my breathing.
Finally, gaining some composure, I faced Judah.
“You think this is okay? To rape children at age eight?”
Judah’s eyebrows pulled down in confusion. “It is the Lord’s will.”
I shook my head. “I do not think that the Lord willed children to be taken this
way, brother. It’s barbaric!”
Then shock filled my every cell when Judah’s jaw clenched and his face
hardened. “Older men married young women in the bible. This isn’t news to
you, brother.”
Squaring my shoulders, I stepped forward and said, “Have you taken a child in
the Lord’s Sharing? I know you attend them, but have you done… that?”
Judah tipped his chin, showing an heir of pride. “I have already schooled four
through their awakenings.”
Feeling as though I had been punched in my stomach, I whispered, “No…”
“In fact,” Judah said boldly, “I have already picked a child to be my next
consort when she is of age. She is so beautiful, so beautiful that for a while I
feared she was another Cursed. But I am quite sure she is not.”
I stared at my brother, and for the first time in our lives I disliked him. I knew
Judah was becoming enraptured with this life, and I knew he was growing closer
to Brother Luke. But I did not realize just how close. I did not realize that the
areas of my leadership Judah controlled were indulging in child rape.
“And your recent consort,” I asked, my voice breaking with a mix of anger and
disgust. “How old is she?”
Judah glared at me, his brown eyes heated. “She is of age by our people’s
standards, Cain. Do not concern yourself with that.”
“I wish to meet her,” I instructed, and Judah’s heated eyes flared.
“In time, brother,” he announced in return.
Our gazes stayed locked, a war of wills, when eventually I lowered my eyes
and waved my hand. “Take the videos and the TV, and leave. I wish to be
alone.”
Judah tensed, but did as I asked. I walked to the open fire, and stared into the
flames, listening to him packing everything away. As I heard him wheeling the
TV out of the room, I suddenly asked, “When you tried Delilah, the Cursed, did
you adhere to our scripture? Were her punishments in accord with what we
preach?”
Judah’s responding silence caused me to lift my head and seek him out. He was
staring at me, face impassive. Then seeing me watching, he smiled and said, “Of
course, brother. It was all by the book.”
As Judah left the room, I exhaled in relief that what Phebe had said about his
treatment of Delilah was wrong. Then the returning nausea slammed in my gut
thinking of those videos.
My back hit the wall. I slumped down until I hit the floor. The practice
disgusted me, was totally abhorrent, but according to Judah it was my people’s
way. It was a revealed message from the Lord to my uncle. Closing my eyes I
sent a prayer to the Lord to send me a message, to council me on what to do.
Then I thought of Mae again, and her words. And I now knew she had not lied.
No. She had been taken as a child, her innocence stolen by a brother of The
Order.
She hadn’t lied to me at all.



 Chapter Fifteen

Maddie
Three days later…

Pressing my pencil to the edge of the paper, I pulled it back and took a long deep
breath. It was perfect. This picture, this picture of us embracing, how I dreamed
we could one day be, was straight from my mind. It was poured onto the page
from my soul.
It was utterly perfect to me.
Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at the sketch. It was a war inside my heart.
On one hand I wanted what it showed with every inch of my being, but on the
other, it scared me more than anything else on Earth ever could.
Because over the last three days my thoughts towards Flame had changed.
They had intensified. And I was thinking things I thought would never enter my
head. Sleeping beside him each night, caring for him, talking to him, it had
switched on something within.
It had opened my heart.
Hearing the door to the bathroom open, I abruptly shut the sketchpad. I placed
it beside me at the fire and looked up. Flame was leaving the bathroom, dressed
in his leather pants and cut. And just at the sight of him, looking healthy and
strong once more, made my heart race.
Flame’s eyes immediately locked on mine and he walked forward, stopping
just before me. I looked up and got to my feet. “Are you ready?” I asked and
waited for his response.
Flame’s eyes darted to the front door, then back to me. “Yeah,” he replied, but
his voice was graveled and unsure.
“You will be fine, Flame. And your friends have been waiting to see you. You
are well now, and you need to go outside.”
Flame’s head dropped. I could not help but stare at his wide chest, at the
colorful pictures staring back at me. Especially the bright orange flames
climbing his neck.
Smiling in support, I walked toward the door, when I noticed Flame had not
followed. Turning round, I noticed his focus was on the door behind me.
“Flame? Are you okay?” I asked.
Flame’s eyes had grown larger—a sign he was upset. “When we walk out of
that door, will you be going back to Styx’s house?”
My stomach fell at the thought of leaving him.
“Maddie?” Flame asked again. From my position I saw Flame’s hands
clenching into fists, then he rasped, “I don’t want you to leave me.”
The gruff timbre of his voice sent shivers of sadness shooting down my spine.
But then as his confession seeped into my bones, hope sprung in my chest.
He wanted me to stay.
I stayed silent, trying to rein in these new feelings overwhelming my senses,
when he called my name again. “Maddie?”
This time his voice had lowered in pitch, a sign that he was sad, defeated…
losing hope.
Inhaling a deep breath, I raised my head and nervously confessed, “I do not
want to leave either.”
Flame’s nostrils flared and he inched closer until, with too deep of a breath, our
chests would brush. Flame stilled. I stilled. And I worked on fighting the heat
suddenly roaring through my body.
“Then you’ll come back here. To me,” he said with finality.
I felt a smile tugging on my lips, and I replied, “Yes. I want to see my sisters. I
have not seen them for days, but… but I will return, here. To you.”
From the corner of my eye, I caught Flame’s fingers tense, and his eyes closed.
I knew what these movements meant, and every time he did them, I
simultaneously felt paralyzed with fear, and intoxicated with anticipation. For I
knew this was Flame fighting his urge to touch me. I often wondered what he
saw in his mind? Was it like my sketches—innocent and sweet? Or was it more?
Was it like when a man takes a woman?
I waited for the devastation those thoughts would bring. Of being taken in such
a way by a man. But it did not render me motionless, like I feared. Instead it…
it… warmed me.
 Lifting my gaze, it was to see Flame watching me. Needing to gain composure
and inhale fresh air, I stepped away and to the door. Bright light filled the room
as the door opened, and a warm breeze swept across my face.
And I smelled the trees.
I heard the rustling of the leaves.
I felt the hot sun on my cheeks.
Flame stood behind me, his large protective frame filling me with peace.
“Flame! Fuck!”
A voice from our left pulled our attention. Striding across the clearing toward
Flame’s cabin was AK. “Vike! Get the fuck out here now!” he shouted over his
shoulder.
The door of the middle cabin then burst open, and a half dressed Viking rushed
out. His long red hair was wet and hanging loose, and his leathers were
unfastened. But as he ran toward Flame barefooted, his state of undress did not
upset me, because the look of pure relief when he viewed his brother, almost
brought me to my knees.
He was loved.
I wondered if he knew that these two men would do anything for him? I
wondered if he understood that he had never really been alone?
AK came to a stop in front of Flame and I, Viking stopping just behind. AK ran
his hand through his hair and rasped, “Fuck, man, we thought we’d lost you.”
I glanced up and Flame stared at them blankly. AK and Viking did not seem
perturbed by this. Viking studied Flame head to toe. “You okay, brother? You
feeling good?”
“Yeah,” Flame answered and Viking’s lip hooked into a smirk.
“Hell, man! It’s fucking good to have you back. Nothing’s been the same with
you down. Me and AK have had to go on runs, just me and him, and it was
fucking boring without you there to scare the fuck outta folk. AK’s too much of
a fucking pussy to make folks piss themselves on sight. It’ll be good to have
y’all back.”
Flame nodded his head, and AK said, “We got church soon. You coming? All
the brothers wanna see you.”
Flame’s eyes flashed to mine. I could see his teeth grazing over the piercing in
his tongue. He was anxious.
“I am going to my sisters. I shall wait for your return with them.”
Flame exhaled and said, “I’ll walk you up.”
Blushing under the heavy weight of Flame’s piercing eyes, I turned to walk
away, when Viking called, “Little One?”
I turned knowing it was the name he used for me. He flicked his chin and said,
“Don’t know what you did. Don’t really fucking care, but you brought him back
from fuck knows where, and for that, you have our gratitude for life. You hear?”
Quickly nodding, I turned to walk to the line of trees. Flame walked beside me,
and I asked, “Are you happy to see your friends?”
Flame kept his eyes straight forward, and answered, “Yeah.”
I frowned knowing he was thinking something else.
“What else are you thinking?” I asked.
Flame, without hesitation, replied, “That I would rather be in the cabin sitting
near the fire, with you.” My heart leapt in my chest, when he added, “You draw
and I like to watch you. I like you being near me. It’s better than standing under
your window. I like being able to see you up close.”
I had not realized I had stopped walking until Flame stopped and looked
behind. When midnight eyes fell on me, I felt my body tremble. I was so
confused with the feelings accosting my body. I did not understand what was
happening to me, and it scared me. But listening to Flame confess his thoughts to
me, floored me.
“Why’ve we stopped?” Flame asked, and I could see his hands running over
the handle of his blade at his side.
Forcing my feet to keep moving, I fought back the smile gracing my lips.
“Sorry, I needed to catch my breath,” I answered as Flame fell into step beside
me. As we walked up the hill, a question came to mind. “Flame?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“I know that you like to sharpen your blades, but what else do you like to do?”
“I don’t understand?” he said quietly.
“I draw, and that makes me happy. I was wondering what makes you happy?”
I watched Flame’s face as his eyes flitted from side to side, when he said, “I
watch you.”
 Heat infused my body, and I whispered, “That is what makes you happy? To
watch me? Does it not bore you? I am asking what makes you happy? What you
like doing most?”
Flame shook his head, then his eyes that I adored so much, met mine. “Being
near you. Seeing you.” I swallowed as his answer kept me frozen to the ground,
and he looked from side to side again. “We’ve stopped again.”
This time, the responding smile on my lips could not be held be back. “I know.
Let us go,” I said and felt his words play in every one of my steps, in every
breath I took as we approached Mae and Styx’s cabin. Being near you. Seeing
you…
Voices sounded up ahead, and as I broke through the trees to Mae’s house,
Mae, Lilah, Beauty, Letti and Sarai were sitting out in the garden. When they
saw me approach, Mae and Lilah jumped up from their seats.
“Maddie!” Mae exclaimed in relief, and running toward me, wrapped me in her
arms. She pushed me back and roved her eyes over my body. “Are you okay? Is
everything fine?” Her eyes snapped to Flame who was standing rigidly beside
me.
Ducking my head, feeling my cheeks heat, I replied, “I am well.”
A new set of hands wrapped around me and I knew it was Lilah, I recognized
the scent of her hair. “Sister,” she murmured, “I have missed you.”
Lilah pulled back and smiled, her mouth slightly higher on one side due to her
scar. Lilah’s gaze then went to Flame. “Flame. Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.” I glanced to Flame whose eyes were fixed on me. Beauty and Letti
stood behind Lilah. Beauty addressed Flame. “Damn good to have you back,
Flame. Been quiet ‘round here without you.”
Flame did not reply, and Beauty, seeming to not expect one, waved to me.
“Hey, Madds. Nice to see ya, darlin’.”
I smiled at her and Letti who flicked her chin at me from behind her best
friend. Next, I looked to the only occupied seat and saw Sarai watching me.
“Good morning, Sarai,” I greeted and she smiled.
“Hello, Maddie. It is nice to see you again.” She looked better, I thought. And I
was glad. She was so young. So innocent.
The door to Styx’s cabin opened. Styx and Ky walked out. Their faces lit up
when they saw Flame standing beside me, every inch the Hangmen, as he stood
in his leather pants and leather cut, his scarred bare chest and torso on show.
“Fuckin’ Flame!” Ky called and began clapping. Styx smiled beside Lilah’s
husband. The two men approached and Ky stood in front of Flame. “You doing
good, my brother? Y’all were going through some fuckin’ crazy shit for a while
there.”
Flame took his blade from his belt and ran his finger down the edge. This was
his tell that he was anxious. Ky, not receiving an answer, turned to Styx.
“Church, Prez?”
Styx nodded, then walked to Mae and crushed his lips to hers. Mae melted in
his arms. Ky then did the same to Lilah, and without conscious thought, my gaze
drifted to Flame. As always, he was watching me, but this time, his nostrils were
flaring, and his blade was running along his wrist. Panic flared within me.
Something was troubling him in his head.
“Flame, let’s go. Got a shit ton of brothers that’ll be fucking relieved you
haven’t checked out on us for good.” Ky’s voice snapped me back to the
moment and I cleared my throat.
Flame glanced to Ky, then to me. I forced a smile to hide my trembling legs.
Those kisses… Flame’s intense stare...
“Maddie?” Flame rasped, and I noticed all around us had gone silent.
Hating the attention, I stepped closer to him. “Return for me after your meeting
and we shall go to your cabin. You still need to rest.”
Flame nodded once, and joined Styx and Ky who were already walking away
in the distance. But he looked back. He looked back eleven times. Eleven. I
counted.
“Maddie?” Mae’s voice made me look her way. Her face wore an expression of
worry and she said, “Go back to Flame’s cabin? You are to stay with him
further?”
“Yes,” I said feeling embarrassed by too much focus on me.
The sound of a gentle cough sounded, and I heard Beauty say, “Well, I gotta
get to the shop and open up. Busy day ahead.” I kept my gaze down as she said
her goodbyes to Lilah and Mae.
“Sarai, darlin’. I’ll bring you by the shop soon, okay? Get you out in the world
more.”
“Thank you,” I heard Sarai say in return.
 Moments later, I looked up and Mae and Lilah were stood together watching
me. Heat surged through me and I asked, “What? Why do you stare at me?”
Lilah’s eyes widened at my sharp retort. “We worry for you, Maddie. Because
we love you.”
Some of the venom left my body and I said, “You do not need to worry. I am
fine.” Neither said anything to me, but I continued. “Yes, I am to return with
Flame. He needs me.”
The tension from my sisters’ clear disapproval thickened around us. I kept my
attention to the ground. I would not be moved on this. They did not know Flame
as I did.
Lilah eventually moved to sit down and I saw Mae do the same. “Maddie, join
us?” Lilah asked. Spotting the free chair between Mae and Lilah, I took a seat.
“Maddie, we are to accompany Sarai to church this afternoon. Would you like
to join us?”
I lifted my head and glanced across to Sarai. Her young face wore a hopeful
expression as she looked to me. “Mae and Lilah have told me of your church.
That it is pure and does not share the same beliefs as The Order on women and
our duties. I should very much like to see such a place. Right now I cannot
comprehend it to be real.”
My stomach tightened seeing such disbelief on her face and, sitting forward, I
said, “I would love to come with you. Pastor James is a lovely woman. She will
show you what we have found of faith outside of the commune.”
Sarai’s blinding smile could have lit a dark room. “Thank you,” she said with
tears in her eyes. She then got to her feet, drawing all attention. “I shall go and
rest if we are to leave this afternoon.”
“Okay,” I replied and watched as Sarai walked off into the cabin.
Seconds passed as Sarai left us alone, then I suddenly blurted, “What does it
feel like?”
I kept my focus on my busy hands in my lap, feeling my face heat with
embarrassment, when Mae asked, “What, sister?”
Lifting my hand to my lips, I ran the fingertip along the plump flesh. Flickering
my eyes to Mae, I asked, “To join lips. To kiss.”
Mae’s eyes flared widely then darted to Lilah. I heard Lilah getting up from her
seat and she moved to sit down on the warm grass at my feet. Her hand pressed
to my knee and her blue eyes were filled with questions.
“It is like nothing else,” Mae said, prompting me to watch her face. A secret
smile had ghosted upon her lips and her breathing quickened. “It is one of my
most favorite things to do in life.”
“And you, Lilah?” I asked shyly.
“Everything,” she admitted with a subtle rasp in her voice. “Because I never
dreamed that I would ever have a man that loves me for me. But Ky does. He
loves me more than I think I deserve.” Lilah’s hand lifted to run down her scar.
“Even when I hurt myself, when I cut my hair, he still wanted me. And when he
kisses me, it is my confirmation that I won his heart. That he is mine. For life.”
Lilah’s hand squeezed my knee, and with a cautious expression, she asked,
“Why did you ask, sister? Is this something that you have been thinking of… of
trying with Flame?”
I lowered my head, just simply trying to breathe, and confessed, “I fear it is
something I shall never be able to do.” I composed myself and added, “I find
myself dreaming of kissing Flame. I dream of him touching my face and
bringing me to his lips. And in my dreams I have no fear. I do not fear his touch.
And I do not fear that I have never been kissed before. Because Flame keeps me
safe. There is no fear to be had in his presence.” I brought in a long breath, and
felt my heart crack. “But the reality is that I fear his touch, though it is newly
craved by a part of me I felt had died. I am afraid of what feeling another man’s
hand on my bare skin would evoke. Of the memories I have tried so very hard to
move past.” I looked first to Lilah, then to Mae and held her gaze. “What if
Flame’s touch suddenly became Moses' in my mind. And what if I became
trapped there again? Unable to speak through crippling fear? Would a simple
kiss be worth it then?”
My vision became focused on Lilah’s pretty face and I huffed a humorless to
myself. “Flame, I fear, has been hurt more by a person’s touch than even I. I do
not think he will ever be able to lay his hand over mine, let alone kiss me.”
Mae sighed, and brushing a piece of hair from my face, said, “You deserve to
be loved, Maddie. And I know I did not suffer as brutally as you did, nor did
Lilah or Bella, but Lilah and I have found men who enabled us to move on. To
find life-long happiness.”
My lips trembled. “I do not think Flame would ever be able to be that way with
me.”
“Then is he truly the one for you?”
 Taking Lilah’s hand I pressed it over my chest. “That beat, that new lease of
life pounding within my chest? It is his. The awakening of my heart belongs to
Flame.” I steadied my tears.
“Maddie,” Lilah whispered. Shifting to her knees, her hands on the side of my
head, she kissed my forehead. “I do not know what will happen in the future, but
I am grateful that Flame has brought out this possibility in you.”
Lilah sat back down on the floor and Mae sat back in her seat. Then Lilah said,
“When I make love to Ky it is not anything like what we endured at the hands of
those men. He is kind, and gentle, and I do not think I could feel closer to him at
any other time than when we are joined.” I tensed at her words. Lilah cast me a
watery smile and continued. “It is the physical manifestation of what I feel in my
heart.” Lilah inhaled, never breaking our gaze, then she expressed a wish. “I
hope one day you can know what that feels like. And I hope when you do, you
feel nothing but happiness. Happiness without fear.”
I did not say anything in response.



 Chapter Sixteen

Flame

My brothers were already waiting in the meet room when we arrived. Styx and
Ky entered first, and I followed. When I did, Hush and Cowboy were first to
their feet.
“Fuck, Flame!” Cowboy exclaimed as he drew to a stop in front of me.
“You’re back!”
I flicked my chin at his smiling face, then Hush said, “Glad you’re okay,
brother. You scared the shit out of us for a fuckin’ minute back there. Never seen
anyone cut up like that before.”
My jaw clenched, as I tried not to think of the woman getting shot. Of that
fucking baby crying, and of the little boy sitting on the sidewalk. Tank’s huge
body suddenly moved before me, welcoming me back. Then Bull, Smiler, and
finally, Tanner.
Tanner dropped his head and ran his hand through his beard. “The woman
survived. I hacked into the hospital records and checked. Her kids too.” Relief
rippled through my body.
“Thanks,” I said and he shook his head.
“I should’a known the Klan,” He paused as he gritted his teeth. “My fuckin’
old man, was gonna pull a stunt like this. And I can’t trace what the fuckers are
gonna do. Nothing is happening on their in-house system, which means it’s all
verbal. My old man knows I’d find out their plans in a fucking hot minute if it
was on a system somewhere. The cunt’s playing smart.”
AK and Viking entered the room just as Tanner walked away. Viking held out
his arms. “Have you heard the news? The fuckin’ Psycho Trio is back in
business!”
The sound of Styx’s gavel hitting the wood of the table cut through the noise of
congratulation. Ky gestured to the seats. “Sit down, ladies. The quicker we start,
the fuckin’ quicker it can end.”
We all moved to our usual seats, mine in the middle of AK and Vike. Styx sat
at the end. His hands lifted. I pulled out my blade. Ky started talking business,
but all I could see was the blade that I’d pressed to my skin. I ran it over and
over the tattoos of my flames. I could feel the burning, the fire bubbling
underneath, but as I went to cut, I thought of Maddie’s face. The blade paused
and I took a deep breath. I wanted to cut, I wanted to get the flames out. But
thinking of Maddie kept them calm. It made them sleep.
Gripping the handle in my hands, I held it down on the table, and when I
looked up, it was to find a shit ton of eyes all watching me. I shifted on my seat.
“What the fuck are you all looking at?” I hissed, fisting my hands by my side.
Ky shook his head, and spoke for the brothers. “Nothing.” His eyebrows pulled
down. “You good?”
“Yeah. Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?”
Ky shook his head, his palms in the air. “No reason. Just checking in.”
My hand reached for my blade. This time I pushed it against my skin. Blood
trickled down my arm, but I didn’t feel shit. Because it was Maddie’s face in my
head again, Maddie telling me she wasn’t leaving me.
“AK, Vike, you’re on a two day run,” Ky’s voice said. I looked up.
“What about Flame?” AK asked. “We always go together.”
I watched Styx sign as Ky interpreted. “The brother’s still grounded. He might
be doing good, but he’s not going on no fucking runs. We had to cover a shit ton
of tracks when the Klan attacked on the last drop off, and our brother here went
nuclear. Hush and Cowboy’ll be going with you instead.”
AK leaned forward. “You okay with that, Flame?”
I glanced down at my knife drawing blood, then felt real fucking good about
Prez' decision, because it meant I could stay with Maddie. “I’m good with it,” I
replied. AK eyed me weird then sat back in his chair.
I caught AK look to Viking, who mouthed, “The little one.”
My eyes snapped up to meet Vike and he flashed me a smile. “Just saying you
like being with the little one. To talk. Or stare at her. Or whatever the fuck it is
you do.”
“Vike! Shut your fucking mouth!” Ky called from the back and everyone
refocused on Ky. “Now. Any other business?”
No one spoke, and my feet itched to get back to the cabin. “Good,” Ky said,
“Gotta get back to the missus.”
A cough sounded beside me, and Viking coughed, “Pussy”, under his breath.
The brothers started laughing. Ky pointed his finger at Viking. “Brother, the
day a piece of ass has you pussywhipped, will the best fucking day of my life.”
Viking’s red eyebrows danced. “It’ll never happen, VP. I got a fucking
anaconda under these leathers and there’s no way he’ll want one pussy for the
rest of his life. He likes variety. Lots of wet and tight variety.”
“Anaconda, my ass,” Tank said from across the table. “It’s a fucking worm at
best.”
Viking jumped to his feet and began unzipping his leathers. “You want me to
fucking prove it, brother?”
Styx slammed the gavel on the tabletop. All the brothers made quick work of
getting the fuck out of the room. Tank headed out first, and Viking ran after him.
“Tank, get the fuck back here now! Got a fuckin’ certain someone that wants to
meet y’all!”
The room emptied and, grabbing my knife, I stood. AK blocked my path. “You
sure you’re okay with skipping this run? The old Flame would’a spilled blood
about being benched from the road.”
“The old Flame didn’t have Maddie.”
AK’s eyebrows shot up. “You owning that shit now?”
“She owns me. That’s all that fucking matters.”
AK sighed and ran his hand down his face. When he dropped his hand he
looked me dead in the eye, and asked, “Can you handle this shit, brother? Can
you handle giving her what she might want from you?”
Fury built and with gritted teeth, I said, “It ain’t like that. I wouldn’t… she
wouldn’t…”
“Can you keep the flames down? Can you keep your shit together when things
don’t go the way you want? ‘Cause Styx will fuck you up if you hurt her.”
Feeling the flames ignite under my skin, I twitched my head and backed AK
against the wall. Lifting my knife, I sliced my blade down my arm needing the
flames to be let loose before it got too much and I tore off AK’s head. AK just
stood there and let it happen. The minute the blade sliced into my flesh and the
blood ran free, I met AK in the eyes and hissed, “I won’t fucking hurt Maddie.
I’d die first. She stays with me always. In my cabin, by my side. And no fucker
will be taking her from me.”
“She’s moving in with you?”
“She’s mine,” I snarled.
AK’s chest almost pressed against mine and I jumped back, knife in hand.
“Flame, you’re sounding really fucking insane now. More insane than usual.”
“I need Maddie,” I spat out. Then seeing her face in my head, seeing her
smiling, I lowered my knife to my side and added, “She’s in my head all the
time.” I looked up at AK, and confessed, “I slept. With her beside me, I can
sleep with no demons in my head. And she sings to me. To me. No one’s ever
sang to me before.”
AK dropped his head and hushed out, “Fuck, brother.”
“I need her.” I tapped my head. “In here, I need her.” Then I bounced my fist
over my heart. “And here. I feel her in here too.”
AK’s shoulders rose and fell, then he said, “You didn’t cut yourself at the table.
You always fucking cut yourself at the table.”
I stared at him, not saying shit, and he nodded his head. “The little one, right?”
My eyes fell to my arm dripping with blood and I swallowed. “She calms them.
With her, they don’t burn. I sleep, they’re calm… I can’t be without her.”
“Fuck,” AK said again and clicked his fingers to make me look up. “You listen
to me, Flame. You fucking listened to me when you were a scrawny lost
seventeen year old kid, and I need you to listen to me now. You fucking lose it,
you come find me. You freak the fuck out again, like you did on the Chechen
drop off, and you find me. The little one fucking wants to be around you when
most bitches would be running a fucking mile in the other direction. That’s a
fucking big deal for you both. You don’t have to be a fucking genius to work
that shit out. And I don’t want you to hurt her, or you, again. Because if you hurt
her, Styx will kick your ass out of this MC, and we both know you need us. You
won’t do so well outside on your own. So we have a deal?”
I heard his words. I knew I couldn’t hurt Maddie, but I agreed anyway.
AK blew out a breath. “I hated seeing you that far gone, brother. I ain’t got any
idea what set you off, and I’m pretty fucking sure you ain’t gonna share, but it’s
damn good to have you back.” He smiled and said, “Need you back in the trio.
Viking’s a fucking nightmare on his own.”
“Someone say my name?” Turning to the door, on cue, we saw Viking coming
through zipping up his leathers.
“Mention the devil and he’ll fucking appear,” AK muttered as Viking threw his
arm around AK’s shoulder. AK looked at the hand lying on his shoulder and
said, “That hand better not have fucking just touched your grass snake.”
Viking pulled his hand away and punched AK on his arm. “It’s a fucking
anaconda, and you know it.”
AK flicked his chin, ignoring Viking. “We okay, Flame?”
Gripping my knife tighter in my hand, I could feel skin twitching. I needed
Maddie. I needed her right the fuck now.
“Flame? We good?” AK repeated.
“We’re good,” I replied, then turned and left the room.
Passing through the club, I never looked at the brothers prepping to go on drop
off. Instead, I burst out of the back exit and hit the dirt road that led to Styx’s
cabin.
Quickening into a run, I cut through the trees to where Maddie had last been.
Mae and Lilah were sitting on chairs: no Maddie.
My eyes searched the clearing but Maddie wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“Where’s Maddie?” I asked.
“She has gone to wait for you at your cabin,” Lilah said.
I backed away and broke through the line of trees. I ran until my cabin came
into view. I pushed the door open, my eyes immediately finding Maddie at the
only seat I owned, next to the large living room window.
She was drawing again. She’d changed clothes. This time wearing a sleeveless
white dress. And her long black hair was tied back.
As I entered through the door, her head snapped up. She jumped, and her green
eyes were wide, until she whispered my name, “Flame…” and her body lost
tension.
My muscles tensed when her cheeks turned pink.
Maddie shut the sketchpad and put her pencil on the windowsill. She then got
up from the chair and walked toward me. She smelled of strawberries.
Something she’d washed with smelled of strawberries.
“You’re here,” I confirmed. Maddie looked up at me and smiled.
 My pulse kicked into overdrive at her smile.
“I wanted to be here when you came home.” She pointed to the kitchen with
her finger. “I have made you food for this evening. I will not be here to make it
for you and I wanted to be sure you ate.”
My body froze. “Where are you going?”
Maddie’s smile dropped, and she replied, “Lilah and Mae are taking Sarai to
church. I am to go with them.”
Like a tidal wave of fire, the flames rushed through my blood, my head
snapping back on a hiss. Hands shaking, I brought the blade to my arm and
sliced hard. At the feel of the sharp edge ripping through my flesh, I smiled,
feeling the relief of the blood flowing from my arm.
“Flame!” Maddie called.
“No…” I snarled. She couldn’t go. She couldn’t leave me.
Maddie took a step back, her palms up in front of her chest. “Flame, stop—”
“You’re not fucking going to that place!” My feet started to pace. All I could
see in my head were rows and rows of pews. Screaming. People lying on the
floor. And Pastor Hughes’s voice, call, “…In my name they shall cast out devils;
they shall speak with new tongues…”
The snakes, being tied down, the poison, the pain, unable to move…
“FUCK!” I screamed, as the flames coursed through my veins.
I couldn’t stand them. Couldn’t stand them burning my flesh. Holding my
breath, I threw off my Cut and sliced across my torso. I exhaled and bent over at
the pain. But then he was in my head.
Fisting my free hand, I slammed it into the side of my skull trying to block out
his voice. “GO THE FUCK AWAY!” I shouted. But he was behind me, gripping
the back of my neck, taking me to that church.
“Flame! Look at me… please…” I could hear Maddie’s voice in front of me.
But it was weak. I closed my eyes trying to push him away, to push the voices
away. But they wouldn’t leave. They were there. They were always there,
waiting. Waiting to strike when the flames came back. When the evil returned to
my blood.
A moan tore from my mouth through gritted teeth. My eyes snapped back
open. Maddie stood back against the wall of the living room, watching me with
wide eyes. Her chest was pounding hard, and my stomach rolled.
 “You can’t fucking go,” I roared again, my eyes blinking too fast. Then I felt it
slide across my chest. Felt the slippery skin slithering across my skin, the flames
following its path. And they couldn’t do that to her. They couldn’t hurt her like
that. She’d suffered enough.
“Flame?”
“And they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not
hurt them…” The poison. I could feel the poison trickling down my throat. Then
it burned. And I couldn’t move.
“Flame… please… you are scaring me.”
I fought to stop the heat in my veins. My feet ground to a halt and I looked at
Maddie. “No church. I can’t let you go there. You’re not fucking going there!”
Maddie took a step toward me, but I could see her hands shaking, I could see
her lips trembling. I didn’t want to hurt her… “I need to save you…”
Maddie stopped. She took a deep breath and asked, “Save me from what?”
“Them,” I whispered, my hand lifting to her face. Maddie’s eyes went huge as
she watched my hand, then I ripped it back, digging the tip of the blade into the
skin to make it stop. The evil inside wanted to hurt her with the flames.
I couldn’t let it.
“They’ll hurt you. With serpents and poison, and—”
A knock on the door cut off my words. Maddie watched me. I watched her.
“You’re not fucking going!” I bit, and dug sharp fingernails into my palm.
The knock sounded again. “Maddie?”
Mae. It was Mae’s voice.
“Flame,” Maddie said too quietly. I inched in closer, backing her against the
wall.
“You’re not leaving.”
Another knock. Louder this time. “Maddie? Are you okay?”
But I never looked away from Maddie’s face. Maddie who was now staring at
the door. She then looked to me. “I need to speak to her.”
I crowded her in against the wall, my hands towering over her head as my
palms hit the wall. “No,” I ordered in a low voice, “she’ll make you go. And I
can’t go in. I can’t fucking go in!”
 Maddie’s gaze searched mine. Finally, her shoulders sagged. “I won’t go,” she
whispered. “I swear. But I have to tell Mae. I have to tell her I will not be
accompanying them or she will bring Styx. And… and I do not want you hurt.”
My arms didn’t move from their cage, but Maddie moved forward and I
jumped back before she could touch my chest. She walked to the door, her hands
still shaking. I walked right behind her.
Maddie’s hand hovered over the doorknob, and on an inhale, she opened the
door. Mae, Lilah and a young kid were standing there.
Mae looked at her sister, then me. “Maddie? Are you ready?”
“I… I will not be coming,” Maddie informed. Mae’s eyebrows pulled down.
“Why not?” Lilah asked.
“I have decided against it.”
The kid, avoiding looking at me, said, “Maddie. I should very much like you to
come. I… I would feel better with you all there.”
I saw Maddie’s shoulders stiffen. Before she could agree to go, I snapped,
“She’s not fucking going!”
The kid stumbled back into Lilah’s chest.
“Do I need to get Styx?” Mae asked Maddie.
Maddie inhaled a quick breath. “No. Please. Just let me stay.” Maddie glanced
back. “Just give me today and tonight.” Her attention snapped to the kid. “We
shall go tomorrow.”
‘No!” I roared and lifted my blade to my chest, cutting the flesh over my heart.
“Please, leave,” Maddie begged her sisters. Then the door shut.
But all I could think was that she was going to church tomorrow. She was
going to that fucking place.
He’s a fucking retard, Mary. I need to speak to Pastor Hughes… he has evil
living within him… he has flames in his blood…
His voice was in my head. His hands were undoing his belt. My skin prickled
and my cock hardened at the sound. My feet paced, then led me toward the
cellar’s trapdoor.
She left because of you. Your evil blood chased her away, you retarded little
cunt...
 “No…” I hissed, palming my cock in my leathers. I dropped my blade to the
wooden floor next to the cellar’s trapdoor.
“Flame, no…” Maddie’s quiet voice spoke from across the room. But I could
already feel him standing behind me, his jeans pulled down. I could smell the
alcohol on his breath, and I could feel his blade running down my back.
“Flame, please. Do not do this. Not again. Do not take yourself back to that
place. To the darkness.”
Lifting my head, I growled, “I am darkness. I am pain. I am motherfucking
death.”
“No!” Maddie called, lurching forward as I kneeled down and ripped open my
zipper.
A shout ripped from my throat as I felt his sharp blade slice down my spine.
The flames. We’ll get the retard's flames out… I heard in my mind.
Reaching into my leathers, I pulled out my cock, stroking it in my hands.
A cry sounded before me, and when I looked up, Maddie’s hand was in front of
her mouth and tears were pouring down her face. “Maddie…” I whispered,
feeling my throat clog up at her green eyes filling with tears. I could feel her
upset. I could fucking feel what I was doing to her.
But I couldn’t stop what had already started. I needed to get my leathers to the
floor. He would get angry if my pants weren’t on the floor and he couldn’t take
me. Because he always took me. Without fail.
Feeling him close in, I heard Maddie rush across the floor. I lifted my eyes,
wanting her to stay, needing her to stay, to help block him out. But Maddie
backed away toward the bathroom.
“Maddie… please…” I croaked as my hand reached for the blade on the floor
and my hand worked my cock faster.
She shook her head, “I cannot… I cannot watch this again, Flame… I simply
cannot…” She rushed into the bathroom and shut the door. Just as I hunched on
the floor, he slammed inside me. And the pain came. In my mind the pain came,
then on my body when the tip of my knife dragged across my thigh.
My hand pumped faster, as he slammed inside me, ripping my insides. I closed
my eyes, hearing his voice with every thrust. “She left because of you.” Thrust.
Pain. “She left and that cunt brother of yours screams because she’s gone.”
Thrust. Pain. “Gone because she had a fucking evil retard as a son.” Thrust.
Pain. “There’s poison and darkness in your corrupted soul.”
The blade dug further into my flesh as I heard his breathing change. His thrusts
increased and I knew he was close. I stroked myself faster and faster, until with a
slash of the steel on my skin and his low groan in my ear, I came on the floor. I
trapped my roar of release behind gritted teeth. Then finally he let me go.
Dropping my blade, I fell to the floor, catching my breath. In the silence, I
could hear my deep breathing. And I could see the blood and cum on the floor.
Then the nausea came. But it was worse this time, with the shame came
embarrassment. I retched, turning my body just in time to get to the bucket on
the floor beside the cellar door. And with every purge I kept my eyes on the door
to the bathroom knowing Maddie was inside.
Lifting my head, stomach empty, I wiped at my blade gashes with the rag
placed to the side of the bucket. But my gaze was still fixed on that bathroom
door. Reaching down, I pulled up my leathers, and crawled on weak arms and
legs to the closed door.
My heart hammered as I lifted my hand and pressed my palm to the door.
“Maddie…” I whispered, her hand over her mouth and tears running down her
cheeks replaying in my mind. There was no sound from the other side of the
door. I wanted to go in, I wanted to tell her I was so sorry. But I didn’t know
how.
Pulling back my hand, I dragged myself to my feet. I stood, looking out over
the room. My eyes fell on the blood and cum dripping through the cracks of the
hatch and I felt my stomach lurch again. Moving toward it, I picked up the rag
beside the bucket and covered it. I couldn’t bear to look at it.
Then my stomach dropped again when I looked at the chair by the window,
that Maddie had been sitting in. And I knew, I just knew when she came out of
that bathroom, she would leave.
I knew she would leave. Because everyone left. No one ever wanted me for
long.
My feet carried me forward to the chair. Maddie’s sweater was laid over the
back. Taking it my hands, I lifted it to my nose and inhaled. And it smelled of
her. Of strawberries, and… my Maddie.
Then on the chair, tucked in the side, was her sketchpad. I glanced to the
bathroom but the door was still shut. Maddie was still inside. Probably still
scared. Probably about to leave.
 Reaching forward, feeling drained of all energy—something that happened
every time he took me again in my mind—I took hold of the sketchpad and
opened it at the first page.
My breath locked in my throat when I saw Maddie’s smiling face look up at
me. Moving my finger, I ran it over the outline of her cheek. My hand was
shaking as it moved over her hair, her long black hair hanging down her back.
“Maddie,” I whispered as my fingers ran over her lips.
I turned the page to see her walking outside, under the sun. Her hands were in
the air like she could feel its warmth. Turning the page again, she was sitting
with three girls, with her arms around one, head resting on her shoulder. I
recognized Mae and Lilah, but not the third. Although she looked like Mae and
Maddie. The same black hair. Maddie’s eyes were closed as she hugged her.
And the girl was smiling, holding Maddie back.
Then when I turned another page, every muscle in my body tensed. It was…
me, my face, my eyes looking up from the page.
Hands shaking, I quickly turned the next page, and what I saw dropped me to
my knees. It was my hand, my hand wrapped in Maddie’s. I traced the outline
of our joined fingers with my finger, then drew back my hand. I held it in the air
and wondered what it would feel like holding Maddie’s. My eyes fell back to the
picture and the lump thickened in my throat.
Finally, I turned the page one last time, and a pained moan slipped from my
mouth. It was me, it was her, both standing. And I was holding her. My arms
were wrapped around her waist. Her hand and cheek were on my chest. Our eyes
were closed, but we looked… happy. Happy to be touched by each other.
Unable to look at that image anymore, I pulled the sketchpad to my chest just
as the creaking of the bathroom door told me it had opened.
I snapped my head back, still clutching the sketchpad. Maddie’s eyes went
wide when she saw what I was holding.
“Is this what you want?” I hushed out.
Maddie’s face flushed with redness and, bowing her head, she whispered, “It is
what I dream. Everything I wish could happen for me, to me… with me, is
drawn on those pages.” Maddie shrugged. “I live my life on the pages because I
am too afraid to live them in real life.”
My breathing stopped, then I rushed out, “You… you want to touch me? You
want me to touch you? Like your sketch?”
 Maddie’s gaze then fixed on mine and she laid her hand over her heart. “In
here I dream it could be true. And I pray… I pray that maybe one day it could
happen for us.”
Pulling back the sketchpad, I stared at the perfect pencil drawing of me holding
Maddie and shook my head. “I would hurt you,” I croaked, “the flames, the evil
—”
“Are not there,” Maddie interrupted. Keeping her head down, her cheeks still
flushed, she shuffled forward and said, “I held you before and I was fine. You
have laid your hands upon me and I was fine.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but something inside stopped me. Maddie moved
forward again. “And there is nothing you could do to me that has not already
been done before.”
My stomach clenched, wanting so much to believe what she said. Maddie
moved the final few steps until she stood right beside me and asked shyly, “Do
you… ever think about me, too? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to
touch me, too?”
I gritted my teeth and nodded my head. “All the time,” I confided, “I think
about it all the fucking time.”
Maddie lowered herself to the floor in front of me. With her hands tightly
clutched in her lap, she kept her head lowered and whispered, “Would you
like… would you like to try?”



 Chapter Seventeen

Maddie

I felt my heart would rip free from my chest as I waited for Flame’s response.
As much as I did not think I could do this, that I would not be able to touch his
hand, or more, I wanted to try so badly. In this moment, after seeing him so torn
apart, reverting back to the memories that kept him jailed behind high walls, I
wanted so badly to be able to hold him. He deserved my affection.
I believed that I too deserved affection.
Flame’s nostrils were flared as he stared down at my sketch. I joined him too,
seeing what hope occupied my mind most days.
Then just as I felt Flame would not be able to try, he placed down the
sketchpad and took a deep breath. As his near black eyes met mine, I shivered.
His eyebrows pulled down. “Why’re you shivering?”
Smoothing my hands over my bare arms, I replied, “I am cold.”
Flame glanced over his shoulder to the fire I had lit just before he came in and
he got to his feet. I could see how weak he was after he had expelled himself on
his floor. And I also imagined the gravity of what we were about to try was
making him just as nervous as I.
“Let’s go by the fire, it’s warmer,” Flame said and gestured me forward. I got
to my feet and slowly followed behind, each step feeling as though any strength
I had was slipping away.
With each step, all I saw in my mind was Moses’ hand skimming up my leg. I
felt his hand grip between my legs and push his finger inside. I could see all of
the disciples, after Mae’s departure, coming for me. I could feel their hands on
my wrists and ankles holding me down to a table, and I could feel the kiss of
cold air brushing my skin as they ripped my garment from my body, prizing my
legs apart, taking me over and over again. I would pass out, only to be awakened
by a hard thrust pushing inside of me, the disciples working hard to eradicate the
sin from my soul.
But it was their hands, their calloused rough hands skirting over my flesh that I
could not stand. Their fingers palming my breasts, their fingers scraping over my
folds, stabbing inside.
“Maddie?” Flame’s low graveled voice cut through my thoughts. When I
looked up, he was sitting before the fire, his large body hunched over, as though
he was broken, as though his fear was as intense as mine.
And my heart broke at the unfairness. The unfairness of us two, so fearful of
what nightmares the deliberate touch of another might evoke.
“I… I am finding the thought of touching... fearful,” I whispered. Flame’s
shoulders sagged even more.
“Me too,” he admitted, so quietly that I nearly did not hear him.
Inhaling a deep breath, I walked over and sat before him. The heat from the fire
immediately warmed my skin.
Under the heat, I moved to lay on my side, my hand flat to the floor just in
front of my face. But my eyes never left Flame, and he was watching me the
entire time, his head tilted slightly, as if in wonder.
I remained silent, the crackling of the burning of wood the only sound, until
Flame moved his large body and laid before me too. His hand flattened to the
floor, resting mere inches from mine. But our gazes were locked.
Feeling my heart dance in my chest, I asked, “Are you scared?”
Flame’s jaw clenched and he nodded his head. “Yeah,” he rasped out. “I’m
fucking scared I’ll hurt you.” He released a pent up breath, adding, “But I want
to know what you feel like. I want to know what your hand feels like on mine.
Like your picture.” His eyes dropped and he said, “I can’t get that fucking
picture from my head.”
My fingers curled and straightened, carefully replacing themselves back on the
wooden floor. And feeling I needed to talk, I said, “Except from you,” I inhaled,
fighting my nerves to keep on going, “I have only been touched by men who
wanted to hurt me.” Flame stiffened, and by the quick rising and falling of his
broad chest, I knew he was getting angry. “Every night that I sleep, I feel them
touching me. I wake in a cold sweat, my nightdress drenched because I relive
what they did to me. I feel the pain, I feel their unwanted intimate touches, the
burns, the lashes… the blinding pain.” My throat clogged with a heavy lump.
But I forced it back down, to say quietly, “But I want it to stop. And I do not
know how. I see Mae and Lilah with Styx and Ky, and I see that they have found
a way. Through love, they have found a way.”
 Staring at my hand, I inched my fingers closer to Flame’s, feeling the heavy
tension rolling off him in waves. I studied my little finger, so close to his, and
added, “And I want to replace their touch with yours. I want to wake up with
your arm around my waist, keeping me safe.”
“Maddie,” Flame groaned, but it was pained and regretful. “I don’t know if—”
“But I shall settle for your fingers wrapped in mine. I would be content to
awaken knowing you were holding me in some small way.”
Flame’s eyes were darting from side to side, lost in thought. I shuffled my body
closer until our faces were mere inches apart. I could feel Flame’s quick warm
breath ghosting my cheek. I fought back the urge to back away. “I do not know
who comes for you each night. And I do not know what he did to you. But I
believe…” I shook my head, fighting the dark pit that was forming in my heart,
“but I believe it is similar to what was done to me. And I believe that with my
touch, maybe he might fade from your world too.”
Flame sucked in a sharp breath and he closed his eyes, clearly fighting
something in his head. When they opened, water filled his gaze and he said, “He
called me a retard. Because…” he breathed deep, “because I didn’t see things
like everyone else.” I froze, listening intently to him speak. He continued. “I
know I’m different. I knew he hated me because I was different. Other kids
would laugh at me. They would laugh at something I said or something I did.
And every time that happened it would upset me, because I didn’t know what I’d
done wrong. And then I’d be punished. Over and over again, I’d be punished. So
I stopped speaking to anyone, because I didn’t want them to laugh. I didn’t want
to be punished. But that made him madder. He got mad when I spoke, but then
he got mad when I didn’t. I sat on my own playing with my toys and it made him
mad. But the other kids wouldn’t play with me, because I was me.”
My heart squeezed and I fought back tears, listening to what he went through
as a child. A sheen of sweat broke out on his face. “He got angrier and angrier
with me, until one day, I heard why I was different. Because I had evil in my
soul and flames running in my blood.” Flame shook his head. “I tried to get them
out to show him I was trying. I tried to get them out so he wouldn’t hate me
anymore, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get them out.”
“Flame…” I whispered as tears ran down my cheeks.
“So he took me to Pastor Hughes. And Pastor Hughes brought the snakes. They
held me down and snakes slithered on my skin. They needed to see if I was
evil.”
 I fought for breath. I did not understand. “Snakes? They put snakes on you?” I
asked.
“Snakes are the manifestation of the devil, Pastor Hughes would say. If they bit
you, it was because you were a sinner.” Flame’s eyes glazed over, and his skin
jumped. “And they bit me. They hurt me. They felt the flames in my blood. They
were drawn to the evil in my blood.”
“No…” I hushed out.
“The church hurts people. They hold you down and hurt people. And then he
told me he had to release the flames. He came every night to release the flames.”
Flame’s body turned rigid. “But nothing worked. The flames were still there.
I’m still different. I don’t understand people. People don’t understand me.”
I took a deep breath, concentrating on his every word. Then, meeting my eyes,
he said, “I know I’m different. I know I don’t see the world like everyone else
does. But I want to see your world, Maddie. Even if it’s the only one I’ll ever
understand.”
My heart beat faster as his dark eyes penetrated mine, and then we both stilled
when we felt it.
My breathing increased with our gazes locked, and when I looked down, my
hand was covering his. Gently lying on top, small against large. I worked on
keeping calm, I tried desperately to not feel fear.
When I glanced up, Flame’s eyes were as wide as saucers and his head had
begun to twitch. “Maddie,” he whispered, then blew out a sharp breath.
His eyes snapped to our joined hands, then up again.
“You feel warm,” I whispered, sensing heat radiating from his skin. My heart
was pounding, but staring at our hands, I ghosted my little finger over his skin.
Flame froze and groaned at the same time. But he did not move his hand.
“You are soft,” I added and flickered my eyes to his. Flame was already
watching me. I swallowed back the nerves starting to take me hostage under his
stare. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and breathed through his nose.
I watched him, my heart sinking when I believed he would pull away. To my
complete surprise, in a flash, his hand flipped over, his palm instantly meeting
mine. I gasped at the feeling of unfamiliar warmth. But then Flame spread his
fingers and threaded them through mine. His grip, at first was soft, then his
fingers tightened on mine… and we simply breathed.
 We stared.
But we breathed.
Enraptured by the sight, and overcome by such emotion, I stayed silent. But
then Flame, said, “It’s like your picture.”
My eyes lifted to his and I swallowed. “It’s like my picture,” I whispered,
feeling butterflies flood my insides. A feeling of hope took me over, and I
squeezed our melded hands harder.
Flame did not react.
“I can breathe,” Flame said suddenly. My body surged with light. I could
clearly see the disbelief in his stare.
“I can breathe,” he repeated again. And then I heard his quiet counting under
his breath; eleven small, feather light squeezes of his hand in mine. I let him
count, watching in fascination as a shocked breath escaped his lips on reaching
number eleven.
Then his eyes widened and he rasped, “You’re not hurt… I… I didn’t hurt
you…”
Needing to be closer, I shuffled nearer still, so close that our chests were
almost touching. “I am not hurt,” I assured. Feeling my face flush with heat, I
confessed, “In fact, I have not felt this… content… ever in my life.”
“Maddie,” Flame whispered, and my heart melted when his thumb awkwardly
moved to brush over mine. The feeling of the rough pad of his thumb, stroking
over my skin, sent shivers through my body.
Then I gasped in shock as I felt those shivers build between my legs. Dipping
my head, I glanced down to see Flame’s free hand adjusting himself in his
leather pants.
These feelings… these feelings were so new. I did not know what I should
make of them. And all from one touch.
“Maddie,” Flame groaned, but the tone of his groan had changed. Gone was the
pained groan. In its place was a low rasp. A groan of want.
“Flame,” I whispered in response. Then Flame licked along his bottom lip and
my eyes focused on his mouth.
My head tipped forward, instinctively searching for what my heart was
calling me to take. Flame’s breathing increased and he asked, “Maddie. What are
you doing?”
 “I… I want to know what your lips feel like,” I admitted quietly. Flame’s hand
squeezed a bit tighter.
“I’ve never done that before,” he admitted. “I’ve never done anything like this
before.” Then he closed his eyes and I saw his lips counting to eleven.
When he reached eleven, his eyes opened but the disbelief was still there. He
inched back and scanned down my body, as though checking me for injuries.
“I am well, Flame,” I assured again and his head dropped, forehead touching
mine. We both froze at the new contact, but neither of us moved away.
And then I moved my hand, still clutching his. Flame’s body was as tense as
hard metal. But needing to touch his face, I ran the edge of my index finger
along his bearded cheek. Flame’s large panicked eyes never strayed and his neck
corded with veins.
When I had reached his jaw, I moved my finger back and repeated the action. I
repeated it eleven times. On number eleven, when nothing had happened,
Flame’s lips trembled.
“You’re not hurt,” he stated with a broken voice laced with relief.
“I am not hurt,” I confirmed with a whisper. Flame’s large bare chest rolled
slightly to the side. With our hands still clasped, my chest pressed slightly
against his, we froze.
We breathed.
We stared.
Lifting his free hand, Flame brought it to my cheek, hovering his palm just
over my skin. I could see in his eyes that he so desperately wanted to touch my
face. So taking my free hand, I brought it behind his and, gently touching the
back of his hand, pressed his palm to my cheek.
As soon as his touch held my face, something inside of me was freed. Years
and years of fear. Freed from fear of men, of living a lie.
I could not help but drink in the image before me. Our joined hands pressed to
Flame’s cheek, and our other hands touching mine. My eyes lowered to Flame’s
mouth once more. As if seeing my attention shift, Flame’s stomach muscles
tensed and his hips shifted. Regardless, I could not look away.
Flame’s hand, cupping my cheek, tightened its grip, and when I saw his
burning dark eyes staring at my mouth, a new kind of tension flashed between
us.
 “Maddie,” Flame groaned, chest pounding hard.
“Flame,” I whispered in return, his name a breathy moan from my lips.
And then he was guiding me down. With his hand on my face, he pulled me
down until my breasts pressed flat against his chest. At the contact, we both
stilled.
“Breathe,” I spoke aloud, an instruction to both Flame and myself.
Flame inhaled deeply and I followed his lead. As I paused to drink in this
moment, I realized the sheer size Flame’s chest. He felt bigger than he looked…
but I felt safe.
When Flame’s hand stroked along my jaw, it brought his lips back to my
attention. Moving my hand from his cheek, I ran it to his mouth and traced the
outline of his lips with my fingertip. Flame’s hips bucked upwards at the touch,
though his eyes hooded.
With his body tensed, he lowered me down the final few inches, until my lips
pressed against his, my eyes closing at the strange feeling. At first touch we both
remained unmoving, my face suspended over his, his warm moist lips pressed
stationary against mine.
Then his finger stroked along my cheek, and his lips began to move so gently
against my lips. And I felt this kiss all the way to my soul.
Flame’s mouth continued to explore, then to my surprise, I felt his tongue
softly, tentatively and nervously, slip into my mouth as he released a quiet groan.
My cheeks flooded with heat, my body feeling so different than ever before—
alive with light and fire, but safe and filled with trust. Pushing my nerves to their
limit, my tongue shyly met Flame’s. Shivers accosted my body as our tongues
timidly dueled, both of us trying to understand this strange new sensation. Soft
and humble at first, but then a louder, more heated groan sounded from Flame.
His tongue further filled my mouth and Flame increased his speed. And I felt
like I was floating, as our mouths fused as one. It felt like I was not me.
I was not Maddie.
He was not Flame.
But then my heart swelled when I remembered it truly was us. The hand on my
face was his, and the mouth taking mine so devotedly, was Flame's.
My Flame.
Another groan came from his mouth, the sound shooting straight between my
legs. I clenched my thighs, trying to stave off the heat. But it did not go, and out
of breath and completely confused, I broke my mouth from Flame’s on a gasp.
Inhaling deep, Flame’s eyes opened. His focus latched on me. Nothing was
said as we stared into each other’s eyes. Our hands never moved. And we never
stopped touching.
Then my heart shattered, and utterly surrendered itself to this man, when he
rasped in awe, “Maddie… I can touch you… I can…”
On a quick groan, Flame slipped his hand behind my neck, and brought me to
his chest. I could hear his moan of pain, of him fighting his abhorrence of my
touch as our flesh collided. He wrapped his arms around me and held on tight.
He was fighting his repulsion to touch. He was fighting it so he could hold me in
his arms.
Flame’s large frame encompassed mine, his strong hold crushing me so
fiercely. My cheek was flush against his skin, and with shaking hands, I moved
my arms and wrapped them around his waist, holding him too. He stiffened as
my arms connected with his bare skin, but thankfully he held me harder and
breathed long calming breaths into my hair.
We lay in silence.
Just as I feared my heart would burst from happiness, from this liberation of
what we had both just accomplished, Flame whispered, “Just like your picture,
Maddie. I’m holding you just like your sketch.”



 Chapter Eighteen

Flame

I was holding her.
I’d kissed her.
She was in my fucking arms.
And I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that the flames hadn’t hurt her. I’d
counted to eleven when my hand had been in hers, when her finger had touched
my cheek, and when I’d brought her to my lips.
But nothing. She was alive. She was in my arms and she was alive.
Taking in a deep breath, Maddie’s hands moved on the skin of my waist. I
groaned, both a mixture of my body trying to throw off her touch, but also
wanting her closer.
Needing more.
My cock was pushing against my leathers at the feel of Maddie on top of me.
Her tiny fucking fingers were stroking along my skin and I had to grit my teeth
against the need to roll over and take her.
But I didn’t know how I could do that. Touching her and kissing her was one
thing, but actually fucking her?
I wasn’t sure either of us could do it.
Maddie sighed, and rubbing her cheek against my chest said, “I never… I never
thought this could happen. To us… with us…” Maddie lifted her head and she
looked directly into my eyes. Her cheeks were red. Lifting a hand from her
back, I slowly brought it to the side of her face. Maddie’s green eyes fluttered to
a close when I eventually pressed my palm to her skin.
And then she smiled, cooling the flames in my blood and replacing their heat
with nothing. I wanted nothing. I didn’t want to feel anything under my skin.
Maddie’s cheek nuzzled my palm and I couldn’t stop staring at what she
looked like above me. How soft her small cheek felt in my large hand.
 “You like this?” I asked, knowing it was true because of the flush to her cheek.
“Yes,” she whispered back, and stilled. My heart stopped in panic. I thought
something was wrong, but then Maddie slowly lowered and brushed her lips
against mine. She quickly pulled back, and kept her head low. “But I liked that
more.”
My cock jerked in my leathers and I knew she felt it against her leg. Maddie
shook her head. “I… I do not think… I d-do n-not know… if…” she stuttered
and added, “if I can go that far.”
My body relaxed, and I replied, “Me too.”
Maddie lifted her gaze to meet mine and nodded her head. “But I like you
touching me. You make me feel safe.”
“You cool my blood,” I replied.
Maddie’s hand met my cheek and her fingers began running through my beard.
“Your beard is softer than I imagined. And your skin is smoother.” Her head
tilted to the side. “When I sketch I try to imagine how it feels under my touch. I
would spend hours looking out of my window just trying to imagine the feel and
what it looked like up close. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would
ever get to do this. My drawings have always been things that I imagined myself
doing but believed were impossible. Now… now I am all a fluster that it has
become a reality.”
I thought of her black and white sketches, thought of the one of her and I
standing with my arms wrapped around her and her head to my chest. “I like
your drawings.” I said and felt my forehead crease. “I never know what people
are feeling until they tell me. I never know what it means when their expressions
change, until they tell me what they are thinking. It’s the same with you too, but
I knew what you wanted from me with those drawings. I could see what you
wanted from life. I could see that you wanted to touch me, and that you wanted
to walk outside without fear. That you want to stand next to me, holding my
hand, outside.”
I brought Maddie closer with my hand on her face and said, “I want to
understand you, Maddie. I want to understand your world.”
Maddie’s eyes searched mine, and she said, “It is simple, really. There is me.
There is my love for sketching, the love I have for my sisters…” she swallowed
and dipped her head, “and the way I feel about you.” She whispered the last part
so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.
 My heart hammered in my chest, and I asked, “How do you feel about me?”
Maddie’s finger moved from my face to trace down the flame tattoos covering
my neck, then those that led down to my chest. She traced along the ink until her
heart stopped over the place of my heart. “That you are my anchor. You are the
one I was meant to find on this Earth.” Her finger stopped and she looked into
my eyes. “That you are the one for me. Only you can understand me, Flame. No
one else. You have spent your entire life lost, not understanding what people
want, but with me, you always know how to make me happy. How to make me
feel safe.”
My stomach ached with those words. Only you can understand me…
She wasn’t laughing at me. She was smiling at me, because she wanted me.
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
And she was so beautiful. Her big eyes, her full lips, her flushed cheeks. I knew
I’d always want to look at her. But her hair was up, and I’d always wanted to
touch her hair.
Reaching up with my hand, I placed it over the hair gathered at the back of her
head and said, “Take your hair down.”
Maddie lifted her hand and began slipping pins out. In seconds her long thick
black hair fell down and lay over her shoulder. The soft ends spread over my
chest. I pushed my fingers through the strands and felt it between my fingers.
Maddie sighed. I could feel her looking at me, head tilted slightly to the side.
My hand brought her hair to my nose and I inhaled. Strawberries.
It was silent for several minutes as I stroked through her hair, then Maddie
said, “I wish to lay in your bed.”
Maddie’s small frame lifted above me and she brought my hand to her lips.
When she dropped them back to my chest, I said, “I don’t sleep in a bed. I
sleep on the floor,” I sucked in a breath, thinking of the cellar. “I have to sleep
over the hatch.”
Maddie blinked up at me. “You do not have to sleep on the cold floor. You
deserve better. You deserve to sleep in a bed… with me…”
I shook my head, remembering the years I sat on the cellar’s dirt floor, the
darkness, the knife, and him as he pushed inside me. And then that night, the
screaming… the night my touch hurt my brother, when the evil came out.
Maddie’s hand landed on my cheek causing me to jump back. “No, Flame. Do
not go there in your head. Come with me instead. Trust me.” She pressed my
hand to her heart. “I am not hurt. Your touch has not hurt me.”
I stared over her shoulder in the direction of the bedroom, and with a clenched
jaw, nodded my head. Maddie exhaled a long breath. We got to our feet, then
walked to the bedroom door and she pulled me through.
Her hands were shaking as she climbed on the small bed. Maddie shuffled
backward until her back pressed against the wall. I followed her to the mattress.
Lying on my side, I held Maddie’s stare, chasing down the fucking discomfort at
being in this bed.
“Flame,” Maddie called. “Focus on my hand in yours,” she continued, and she
linked her fingers through mine. I stared at our hands, when a finger on her free
hand lifted and ran over the raised scar on my stomach. “What is this from?” she
asked.
I clamped my eyes shut, feeling the rattler’s fangs sinking into my flesh; Pastor
Hughes declaring that I was a sinner, that evil ran in my veins because I was
slow. Because of how I behaved.
“Flame?” Maddie pushed. I opened my eyes on a gasp.
“The snake,” I croaked, “the snake they put on me at church. The snake that
told me I was a sinner. That I had hellfire in my blood.”
“I cannot begin to imagine…” Maddie shook her head.
“And people would scream. They would fall to their knees around me, praying
for my soul. Because I was evil. Because I had evil in my blood.”
Maddie shook her head. “They were wrong.”
Maddie inched closer, and with her fingers running up and down my cheek, she
stated, “That was why you came to my church that day? You feared they were
hurting me, as you have been hurt?”
My eyebrows pulled down. I didn’t understand. “They don’t do that at your
church?” I searched Maddie’s eyes for lies.
“No,” she said quietly, “at this church they do not touch me. Only at…” she
took a deep breath, “only at The Order did they cause me pain. But this church is
better. I sit at a statue and listen to music coming from the choir. I am not
harmed. I am left alone.”
I shook my head, every muscle tensing at her words. “I don’t understand.
Church is where you get hurt.”
 Maddie shook her head. “No, Flame. I believe that your church, and the
commune, were different. They hurt us. But most do not.” My eyebrows pulled
down when Maddie laughed a humorless laugh. “Truth is, Flame, I do not even
believe in God anymore. At least, I do not think I do. Too much has happened to
me in my life for me to believe that an all-powerful being is out there watching
over me, protecting me. I have lost my faith. But I went to church as a reprieve
to the suffocating solitude of my room at Mae’s house.” Her big green eyes held
mine, and she admitted, “You were gone for weeks. Gone from below my
bedroom window and I could not cope. You had become the center of my world.
You were my day and night as you paced beneath my room. But then you got
shot and disappeared from my life. I did not know what to do. So I joined Lilah
and Mae at church. I tried to pray for your return, but every day I lost faith when
I came home to find you were not watching over me. So I kept going. I went
there to listen to the music. To sit and watch people living their lives, while I
simply existed in the shadows.”
Maddie pulled my hand to her face and she tucked it under her warm cheek.
“Until the day I heard you shouting my name from outside. And you were back.
My sun, my light. You were back.” Maddie’s lip hooked up in the corner. “And
here we are now. Touching. Together.”
My heart felt like it was filling my chest. Then she said, “But I must go to
church tomorrow, for Sarai,” and it fucking smashed.
“No,” I bit out, ice ripping through my veins. “You’re not going back there. I
can’t go in those fucking places. I can’t protect you.”
“There is nothing to protect me from, Flame. I am accompanying Mae and
Lilah, to show Sarai there is more to faith than what we knew at The Order. I
understand what she is feeling. She is so young and fearful. And she is most like
me in disposition—quiet and withdrawn. I feel I must go.”
Maddie’s finger lifted to circle the flame tattoos on my chest and she said, “I
promise you that I will not be hurt. I will only be there for a few hours, then I
will return home.” She paused and then whispered, “I will return home to…
you… to this cabin… and I shall never return to that place. Because you have
returned. You are my faith awakened.”
My throat swelled. “Maddie,” I called and leaned in to her mouth. Maddie’s
breathing was as fast as mine, then I leaned in further and pressed my lips to
hers.
She was so soft.
 I never wanted to break away.
When I pulled back, Maddie asked, “What is your name?”
My muscles froze and I asked, “My name?” A white hot pain ripped through
my fucking skull.
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “What was your name before you were Flame?”
My eyes squeezed shut, and I pulled my hand back and clawed at my arm. I
hissed as the flames ignited… I hated that fucking name. I HATED that fucking
name!
“Shh… Flame, calm,” Maddie soothed. I looked up to see her holding out her
hand. “Forget that I asked, it is unimportant, just as my former name is now
nothing to me.”
I wanted to claw at my skin, when I heard his voice growling that name in my
head, but Maddie closed in further, and swallowing her nerves, she slowly
wrapped her arms around me. I fucking froze as her hands touched my back
then, as his voice disappeared under Maddie’s touch, I wrapped my arms around
her too. I breathed fast into her neck, relaxing as her fingers traced up and down
my spine.
I squeezed my eyes shut and held on tight, then Maddie whispered, “I am
Maddie and you are Flame. We are no longer who we were before.” I pulled her
closer as she spoke those words. In minutes I’d relaxed on the bed I’d never slept
in, holding my Maddie close…
… falling asleep as I held her, like I did in her picture.



 Chapter Nineteen

Maddie

I could feel Flame’s eyes watching me as I brushed through my hair and tied it
back in a bun.
I smoothed my hands over my dress and slipped my feet into my shoes.
Checking the time, I saw that Mae, Lilah and Sarai would be here for me any
minute. Turning round, Flame was sitting against the wall, his dark eyes
watching me.
My heart fluttered, and a blush coated my cheeks when I remembered waking
this morning, my head laying on his chest and his arm around my shoulders.
And there were no nightmares. I had no unwanted memories of my time in the
commune. And for once, I woke not to the intense fear that my new freedom was
nothing save a dream, but to the heady knowledge that I was in Flame’s cabin,
safe. And his huge arms were holding me close.
We lay in silence, wrapped in each other’s arms, for most of the morning. Until
I had lifted my head and smiled at Flame’s expressionless face. I had lost my
happy demeanor instantly.
“What is wrong?” I had asked.
Flame’s jaw tensed and he said, “Last night I laid in this bed, with you in my
arms, listening to you sleep. But I barely slept. I couldn’t sleep thinking of you
leaving to go to that church. I couldn’t sleep worrying about finding this with
you, being able to touch you, kiss you… and losing you.” Flame had turned over
his scarred arms, showing me his wrist and, running his arm along the flesh, he
had said, “You cool the flames. But without you they come back. When I’m
angry they come back. And when I think of you going in that fucking church, I
can feel them waking. I can feel them beginning to push through my veins.”
Sitting up, I cupped Flame’s cheeks in my hands, his beard tickling my palms,
and I said, “I will be fine. And the flames are not there. Think of me if they
come back. Remember holding me and your touch not harming me.”
Flame had nodded his head, but his eyes remained on his wrist. Since then he
had not said much.
As I lowered to the floor, Flame looked up. “They will be here soon,” I said,
and reached out my hand. Flame took it in his, and his nostrils flared. “I will not
be long. In that time, I think you should sleep.” I lifted my hand to run my finger
along the dark circles under his eyes. “You are tired.”
Flame stared away across the room, and I knew the thought of my going to
church frightened him. And when I thought of what was done to him as a child
in his place of worship, I had to fight back my anger at what he’d endured.
A knock sounded at the door. Flame tensed. Getting to my feet, Flame rose to
his, his large frame towering over me. The silence was stifling as he stared down
at me. Putting both his hands on my cheek, he leaned down and softly pressed
his lips against mine.
They were so soft. So gentle. My eyes welled with tears, because I knew that
kiss was how he felt about me. I knew from that kiss that he cared beyond
measure. That I was precious to him. And that he did not want me to go.
Pulling back, Flame put his forehead to mine and exhaled a breath. I ran my
hand up his arm and whispered, “I shall miss you too.”
Flame’s exhale told me I had read his kiss correctly.
A second knock sounded as Mae’s voice called out my name. “Maddie?”
Closing my eyes, I breathed though my nose and declared, “I must go.”
Flame did not say anything, rather he just released his hands from my face and
followed me to the door. I opened the door to find Mae, Lilah, Sarai and Ky.
Mae’s eyes immediately checked me over, and Ky’s face was stern as he looked
past me to Flame.
His eyes narrowed. “You good, brother?”
“You fucking take care of Maddie. Don’t let anyone hurt her. Because I’ll kill
them if they do, VP. I’ll fucking kill them.”
Sarai stepped back at Flame’s threatening tone. Ky crossed his arms over his
chest. “Reel it the fuck in, Flame,” he bit back.
“Promise me,” Flame snapped.
Ky’s jaw clenched and he said, “You think I’m gonna let anything happen to
my bitch?”
Feeling the air crackle with tension, I turned to Flame and reached down to
hold his hand. I heard the gasps of shock behind us, but I ignored my sisters and
Sarai, to say, “Ky will take care of me, Flame. He protects Lilah as you do me.”
Flame’s dark eyes were focused on mine, the dilation of his pupils betraying
his nerves over my leaving. I squeezed his fingers and assured, “I will be only a
few hours. Then I will be coming right back to you.”
Flame’s head dropped, and I released his hand to join my sisters. I could see
their questioning gazes, but I kept my head down and made a beeline for Ky’s
truck. The door was unlocked, and I sat inside waiting for the others to join us.
As Mae and Sarai sat beside me, and Lilah and Ky sat in the front seats, I
glanced out of the window and saw Flame still standing in the doorway,
watching me.
My heart fluttered anew, and a smile broke on my lips knowing that he was
mine. He had midnight eyes. Was pierced. Tattooed. Strong. And filled with
pure rage. But he was mine. And when he was mine, he was gentle, caring, and
just as broken as I. And I adored that it was me who got to witness that side of
him, and me alone.
He was special to me, as I was special to him.
“We ready?” Ky asked. In unison, Mae and Lilah answered 'yes'. As we pulled
away, I waved to Flame, seeing him walk out of the door and watch us go. When
I saw his face blank, I almost shouted to Ky to let me out, but then I thought of
Sarai beside me, and I forced myself to stay.
The cabin of the truck was calm, until Mae asked, “Are you okay, Maddie?”
My eyes lifted to meet Mae’s and I nodded my head. “Yes.”
Mae’s eyes were searching mine, but I did not want to speak. I knew how they
felt about Flame. And what broke my heart more was that he knew what people
thought of him too. It was why he barely spoke in company. Nobody understood
the real Flame.
Nobody but me.
“Are you nervous, Sarai?” Mae asked. I looked to the small blonde teen.
Sarai’s hands were tight in her lap and she looked up to Mae.
“Yes,” she replied softly.
Lilah turned in her seat, her hand remaining in Ky’s. “There is no need to be,
Sarai. Pastor James is kind. She has closed the church so that no one will be
there to make you nervous.” Lilah smiled and sighed. “And you will see that the
Lord can still be worshipped. Only purely, not contaminated by hurtful men and
false truths.”
Sarai sighed and shook her head. “I cannot imagine such a place, though I am
excited to see it.”
My chest tightened as I stared at this young girl. I was beyond thankful that she
had found the courage to run away. I knew I would never have left if Mae had
not returned. I would have spent my entire life locked in that hell. Until the day
Brother Moses killed me. Because he would have. I know now that Brother
Moses would have eventually broken me, as Gabriel had done Bella. And I
would never have met Flame.
And him not meeting me would have condemned him to a life alone too. I
forced down the emotion creeping up my throat and focused instead on
remembering his lips against mine.
Without conscious thought, my fingers had lifted to my lips and a smile had
graced my face.
My heart leapt with hope. Hope that, maybe together, we may not be so
damaged. That we could somehow make one another whole.
The journey passed quicker than most, my thoughts occupied by Flame. Then
Ky pulled the truck to a stop.
Mae took Sarai’s hand and left the truck. I went to leave when I saw Ky lean in
to Lilah and crush his mouth to hers. Lilah melted into his embrace, and they
both broke away with leaden eyes.
“Love you, baby,” Ky hushed out.
Lilah leaned forward once more to press a single quick kiss to her husband’s
lips. “I love you too. So much,” she added, and my heart lurched with envy.
“Call me when you want picking up. I’ll be here, downtown, taking care of
some business.”
“Okay,” Lilah replied and jumped out of the truck. I quickly left too. I joined
Mae and Sarai on the sidewalk. Sarai was staring up at the church, her mouth
gaping at the sight.
“Beautiful, is it not?” Lilah prompted, as Ky’s truck pulled back onto the road.
“It is,” Sarai said, clearly in awe. As one, we ascended the steps. Lilah stepped
through the large wooden doors first, the three of us following behind. The
church was completely silent. At the end, Pastor James stood, obviously
awaiting our arrival.
Seeing us enter, Pastor James came down from the altar and we met her half
way down the aisle. Her face broke into a smile and she embraced Lilah and
Mae. When she reached me, she nodded her head. Then her eyes fell upon Sarai.
“You must be Sarai,” she said. Sarai pressed closer into Mae, obviously shy at
meeting the pastor for the first time.
Mae put her arm around Sarai and nodded her head. “This is Sarai. She’s a
little shy, but she’s eager to see for herself how people worship here, in Our
Savior.”
Pastor James smiled directly at Sarai and showed her the pews. “This is where
we worship. The congregation generally comes to a sermon on a Sunday, but the
church is open for its people to come by anytime, to worship in private or to
have a quiet place for contemplation.”
I watched Sarai staring at Pastor James and my heart clenched at her face
absorbing every word. I understood how strange all of this would be for her. And
at fourteen, she must feel so lost and alone.
My fingers tensing at what I was about to do, I took a deep breath, and reached
down and took Sarai’s hand in mine. Her blue eyes darted to me. I cast her a
supportive smile. Sarai’s eyes dipped at my hold, and I felt Mae’s hand squeeze
my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she mouthed. I followed Pastor James, hand in hand with the
little lost girl at my side. We reached the altar and turned to face the body of the
church. Pastor James stepped in front and pointed to the balcony. “That’s where
our choir practices and performs on a Sunday.” She turned back round, and
pointed to the altar. “This is where I preach my sermons, and offer the blood and
wine.”
Sarai’s hand began to tremble in mine. I glanced down at her hands to see her
staring down, when suddenly, she dropped my hand and reached into the long
pocket of her dress. What followed seemed to happen in slow motion.
Sarai pulled out a gun. In seconds she raised it to Pastor James’ head and
pulled the trigger. The sound of the firing of the bullet echoed like thunder in the
church. Mae, Lilah and I leapt back, just as the bullet passed through Pastor
James’ head, blood showering our clothes as her lifeless body dropped to the
ground.
A scream tore from Lilah’s throat. My heart thundered in my chest.
 Sarai then turned to us, the gun pointing at our chests.
“Sarai…” Mae whispered, her hand hovering over her mouth. “What have you
done? What is happening?”
Sarai’s always shy face then morphed into such a severe expression that my
heart sank like a stone. “Shut up!” she hissed, as the gun scanned the three of us.
“Devil’s whores!” she spat, and shook her head. “You are sinners, the Cursed
Women of Eve. You are tainted by the devil and you must pay.”
My hands began to tremble. Mae reached for both Lilah and I. As my hand
clasped Mae’s, Sarai flicked her chin toward the rear of the church. “Move over
there.” We stayed still. Mae begged, “Please, Sarai…”
“I said move!” Sarai screamed. Mae led Lilah and I to the rear of the church.
Sarai rocked on her feet, her eyes flitting to the exit door.
“Why are you doing this, Sarai?” Lilah summoned the courage to ask.
Sarai’s eyes narrowed on us, and she said, “You are a plague on our people and
you must be taken to New Zion. I was sent here to retrieve you. To bring you
back to the Prophet.” Her eyes lit and she said, “To face the penance for your
betrayal.”
All of the blood drained from my face.
We were to be returned to our people.
Mae sucked in a sharp breath. “Prophet Cain ordered this? He ordered you to
take the life of an innocent, and retrieve us? You are a child!”
Sarai froze and said darkly, “I am old enough to serve God and my Prophet.
We are in a holy war. Innocent blood will be spilled. But the righteous will
prevail.”
The back door suddenly burst open and two men came through. They wore all
black, ski masks covering most of their faces. They looked to Sarai through the
eye slits in the woolen material. She was still holding the gun.
“Are you Sarai?” one of them asked.
Sarai nodded her head and then the men turned to us. “Are these the whores?”
“Yes,” Sarai answered. Mae’s hold tightened into a grip.
“We’ve got the van in the alleyway, out back. We need to get to the meet
point.”
The men stepped forward, and a cry slipped from my lips. One of the men
gripped my arm, and the other took hold of Mae and Lilah. In seconds their large
bodies were dragging us from the church. All three of us fought against their
holds, but they were too strong. It was no use. I glanced behind to see Sarai
following, and beyond Sarai I could see Pastor James’ body sprawled on the
floor, blood flooding the hardwood beneath her.
Feeling nauseous, I fought back the vomit traveling up my throat. Then I
caught Sarai’s eyes, and my blood chilled. The look in her eyes was the same
look that Brother Moses wore when he took me as a child. The look that said he
believed one hundred percent in what he was doing. That he was fueled by the
power of the Prophet. That he was fueled by God himself.
“Sarai,” I whispered, my heart beating at what she had done. She was so
young, yet she had just killed an innocent, without remorse. “Rethink this!
Please!”
Her blue eyes narrowed and she shook her head. “You have been led astray,
Whore. All of you have. And you all lie with the enemy. Each and every one of
you lies with one of the devil’s men.” Sarai tightened her grip on the gun and
said, “He told me you were corrupted, but hearing of it and seeing it with my
own two eyes; they are two entirely different things. But he will see that you are
punished. He will see that you all pay for what you have done.”
The man gripping my arm threw me forward and I landed in the back of a van.
Lilah and Mae were sitting opposite me. Then we were plunged into darkness,
only a small crack of light sneaking through the van’s doors. The engine fired
up. My heart beat too fast and I felt I could not breathe as the darkness closed in.
“Lord…” I heard Lilah whisper, her voice trembling in fear, “What is going to
happen to us? How did this happen?”
“Sarai,” I whispered back. “She was lying all along. Her appearance at the
compound was a set up. For the Prophet. Ky and Styx had proper cause to doubt
her intentions after all.”
Silence followed, then Mae said brokenly, “And I convinced Styx to let her
stay. Lilah took her in and cared for her.” Mae’s head dropped into her hands
and she said, “I always believed Cain was truly, underneath it all, the man I got
to know as Rider. That he was just as lost as we three. Brainwashed, raised to
believe wrong and hurtful things. But Sarai said we were to be taken to him. I…
I…” Mae trailed off. Even in this darkness I could feel the sadness engulfing her
body.
Silence reigned as the van began to move, then Lilah said, “Neither of you
have seen New Zion. It is nothing like our old commune. And the Elders and
Disciples to Prophet Cain… they are worse, if that is possible.” Lilah’s voice cut
off, and she sniffed back her emotion. “I fear we will not see Ky or Styx again.”
My heart missed a beat at the pain in her voice, and I added, “Or my Flame.”
Mae and Lilah did not say anything in return, and feeling tears trickle down my
cheeks, I confided, “He kissed me. Yesterday, we kissed…” A sob built in my
throat but I managed to add, “and he held my hand. He touched me, and I
cherished it. He kissed me. Against all odds, we kissed… and it was just as you
both described… it was everything, and now I have lost him…”
“Maddie,” Mae whispered.
Then my fear spiked as I thought of what could lie ahead. I felt my body seize
as my mind took me back to the memories I had pushed way into the dark
recesses of my mind. Back to the commune. Back to when Mae had run away
and the people were in panic. Back to the day that all four of the Elders came for
me, to rid me of my family’s original sin…
I scurried into the corner when I heard footsteps approaching our quarters.
But it was not a single set of footsteps. I could hear many. Many footsteps
approaching our door.
“Maddie?” Lilah called from across the room. But I did not look to where she
sat. I could not. My eyes were transfixed on the door. Transfixed on the many
shadows moving in the hallway.
My arms wrapped around my legs, and I held on tight. For a fleeting moment I
had the silly thought that if I made myself small enough, that if I pressed myself
against the wall as small as I possibly could, then the Elders might leave me
alone.
But as I heard deep voices echoing behind the door, I knew nothing I did could
hide me from them. Since Mae had left they looked upon me—her blood sister—
with increasing anger and suspicion. I had heard their hushed whispers as they
discussed the innate sin found in our family line. And I had heard them decide
that it was a problem that needed to be remedied through the sister who
remained.
I knew they would be coming for me, to be punished in Mae’s stead.
The doorknob suddenly turned, and hearing my deep shallow breaths roaring
in my ears, the door opened to reveal Brother Moses’ broad frame.
His eyes immediately sought me out.
 As he found me, curled tightly against the far back wall, he flicked his hand, his
silent command for me to stand. Feeling my legs might fail, I used my hands on
the wall to help me get to my feet.
Brother Moses turned without a word and walked out of the door. I followed
behind, unable to even glance at Lilah as I passed. I feared I could not withstand
the fear and sympathy that would be in her pretty blue gaze.
Brother Moses turned to walk down the hallway, to the room we always went
to when he took me in a brother-sister exchange. But as I risked a glance to
search the rest of the hallway, I wondered where the other Elders had gone?
As we arrived at Moses’ room, my question was answered.
Brothers Jacob, Noah and Gabriel stood in the center of Moses’ room beside
the shackle table. The table that I would be taken on every night, whipped and
chained, while Moses exorcised my sinful soul. The table he had taken me on as
a child.
Each Elder had removed their shirts and pants, and were all watching me,
their hands moving back and forth on their erect lengths. And fear, like I had
never experienced before, took hold.
My feet, seeming to move of their own accord, stumbled backwards, everything
within me telling me to run. But just as I turned in terror of what they wanted to
do with me, a hand gripped my arm—Brother Moses. I cried out in pain as he
dragged me backwards, slamming the door, trapping me inside.
Spinning me round, Brother Moses jerked me to stand before him, my neck
snapping back at the force. Tightening his grip on my arm, he reached up and
stroked his callused finger down my face and over my neck. My skin crawled at
his familiar rough touch, and I flinched.
Moses’ finger stopped as he met the high neckline of my dress. I panted, trying
to breathe through my fear, when he said, “You see, brothers, her tainted soul
pulls back from the Lord’s touch.”
And my heart fell. My heart fell at the look of determination in all the brothers’
stares. The determination to exorcize my sin.
I fought back a whimper as Brother Moses began to close in to my body, his
tobacco smell filling my nose. His breath washed over my face as he reached
around my waist and slowly pulled down the zipper on my dress.
In seconds my dress had hit the floor, along with my modesty. And I was bared
to the Elders. Bare and shaking. Moses never allowed me to wear
undergarments, a law I despised. He did not like to have to fight to take me.
Brother Gabriel stepped forward, and Brother Moses’ moved aside. I wanted
to cover my body. I wanted to turn and flee, wanted to be left alone, but I fought
the urge and remained utterly still.
These men had me under their control. I had always obeyed their every
command.
Gabriel’s hand lifted, and he licked along his bottom lip as his fingers ran over
my nipple. Tears filled my eyes at being touched so by the second in command to
the Prophet, but I blinked them away, forcing myself to endure his exploration.
But that finger then began to move south, down to my most private area. As
Gabriel’s finger pushed through my folds, a pained cry slipped from my lips. I
could not stomach the feel of his touch. I wanted to hit his hand away, I wanted
to tell him to stop. But I knew I did not have that much power.
And I would be punished further. I could not stand to be punished further.
Gabriel’s eyes flared as he rubbed his finger between my legs, and his face
moved closer to mine. Just before his mouth met my ear, he thrust his finger
deep within me, and I cried out in pain.
“I see Jezebel and Salome in your face, Magdalene. I see Satan’s impurity
possessing your soul as clearly as it possessed theirs.” Leaning his head back,
his eyes ran over my face and he groaned. “Those eyes, those lips, that hair. It is
the curse of your family. The curse of Eve.”
I closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as his face moved back. Then with
his hand on my arm, Gabriel spun me around and bent my torso over the table to
the side, my breasts smacking on the wood. As my cheek hit the table, I felt him
at my back as a blinding pain flashed over my face. My legs were kicked apart,
and before I had time to prepare for his intrusion, he slammed inside me. A
scream left my mouth, feeling like he was ripping me apart, but Gabriel’s grip
only tightened on the back of my neck, forcing me to endure.
“Scream, Satan’s whore. Scream as we rid the evil from your soul,” Gabriel
snarled as he built up speed, his fingernails digging into the nape of my neck.
I tried to block it all out, I tried to think of something else, but movement from
the side caught my eye. The rest of the Elders were closing in. And at that minute
I lost all hope. For I knew they were all to take me. All four were here to take
me. One by one.
Tears streamed from my eyes as Gabriel roared out his release. Before I even
had time to brace for what would come next, I was dragged to the wall by my
already-bruised arm and my wrists were shackled on short chains that hung high
from the exposed brick.
And this time Moses closed in. Because this was what Moses did. He took me
on these shackles he treasured so much, and caused me endless hours of pain.
My arms ached as I fought the strength of the chains, but Moses simply lifted
my legs, ignoring my struggle. Making sure I looked him in the eyes, he pushed
forward, the red-hot agony causing me to see spots.
And he did not stop. He surged forward at an unrelenting pace, biting my skin,
until I screamed for him to stop. Until I begged. He always wanted me to beg.
As he released his seed within me, he pulled back. My body weak and tired, I
hung from the chains, the tips of my toes scraping against the ground. My head
hung down toward my chest, the aching soreness between my legs too much to
bear. Then my throbbing legs were lifted again and spread wide. Rolling my
head to lift, I saw Brother Jacob’s face, just as he forced himself within me.
Only this time I did not scream.
I did not scream as they each took me repeatedly against the wall. As they each
chained me down to the table and forced themselves on me again.
And it did not stop. These four men came back for me every night, to take me
again and again and again, until I could not bear the touch of another.
Until I could not stand the sight of myself.
They made me bleed. They tortured my soul. They ripped through my sin, over
and over and over—
“Maddie! No! Do not. Do not do this to yourself. Maddie!” I blinked into the
darkness, my head clearing from my nightmare, to see Mae before me.
Her hand ran over my face, my head and my arms. “Maddie. Speak to me. You
are sweating and shaking. Please, do not let those men win. Do not let the
memories regain their hold on you. You have come so far. Be strong. Fight
them back.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words slipped out. My body trembled, and
Mae held my face steady in her cupped hands. Searching my face, she said,
“Please, Maddie. Speak to me. I need you to be strong for me.”
This time when I opened my mouth, I spoke from heart. As I knew only one
person could calm me from my nightmare. Only one person could understand
how this felt. And as I managed to speak, I managed to express what I needed
most.
“Flame…” I whispered. “I… I need my Flame.”



 Chapter Twenty

Prophet Cain

“Are you ready, Cain?”
Judah’s hand landed on my shoulder as I stood outside the mansion. Judah was
dressed in his black sweater, cargos and boots, as was I. Whatever he wanted me
to see, a secret development he had been working on, was outside of New Zion.
“I’m ready,” I said and followed his lead down to the waiting van. I frowned
seeing the blacked out van. Stopping, I looked to Judah whose eyes were lit with
excitement. “A van?” I questioned. “Why do we need a van?”
Judah released my shoulder and climbed into the van. Brother Luke was sitting
behind the wheel. He bowed to me as I clambered in.
My attention was still on Judah, waiting for him to answer my question. I
tapped the door of the van and repeated, “The van?”
Judah glanced over to Brother Luke and smirked. “You will see, brother. We
need to pick something up. And you will no doubt be pleased. What I have done,
I have done for you, and you alone. You will be pleased. And this surprise will
bring us all one step closer to our vision.”
I frowned, unsure what his surprise could be, but I was content with his answer.
Since our disagreement over the child videos a few days prior, we had not been
talking as much as normal. He had not visited me at the mansion, and for the
first time in a long time, I had felt completely alone.
Without Judah, I was lost.
“Thank you,” I said a minute later, as we pulled out of the back gate of the
commune and onto a secluded road.
Judah turned to look at me. Then a smile spread on his lips. I could see how
much my thanks had meant to him. His hand covered mine. “I know that you do
not see the purpose in our ways sometimes, but know that I am doing this for
you. Our people believe in you, Prophet Cain. They see your face and know that
God is with them. As do I. These early months, maybe even years, were always
going to bring a period of adjustment.”
 I squeezed Judah’s hand and sat back in my seat. Brother Luke cleared his
throat, and said, “I have scheduled a Lord’s Sharing for this week’s end. Prophet
David used to lead them in the old commune, but I know it is something that
Judah has been leading in New Zion, since you have yet to take a consort or
wife.” Brother Luke shifted in his seat and said, “The people are beginning to
question why they have not been happening more regularly. We should be
holding at least three a week. It is essential for the men to achieve their celestial
meditation. Our people lose faith if these acts are not performed.”
I tensed as Brother Luke’s words assaulted my ears, and I could feel Judah
stiffen beside me.
The Lord’s Sharing. The brother-sister exchange. I shook my head trying to
erase what Mae had told me about those ceremonies, and also what Judah said
about his involvement in awakening young girls.
After Judah and I had argued over the videos, I had sought out Prophet David’s
private letters and there, in black and white, were his revealed words from God.
He had preached about age not being relevant in taking a wife or consort, just as
it had not been in the bible. But as I read those words and pictured the young
girls dancing on the videos, I felt sick; knowing that men, grown men, would be
taking them carnally in a brother-sister exchange.
“Brother,” Judah advised. His hand gripped my knee tightly. “Do not give our
people cause to doubt you. We have called them all back from around the world,
to unite as one commune, one community under God, with you as His
messenger. After the devil’s men attacked, the men you spent five years living
with, they look to you for guidance.” Judah leaned forward until I met his eyes
and he emphasized, “We need order. We need our beliefs and customs to be
honored, or our people will not trust in your judgment. With the Klan on our
side, we are growing financially. We are protected from the outside world. It is
now time to focus within the confines of our walls. Thousands and thousands are
waiting for your leadership to shine through. Sermons are not enough. You need
to lead more of the Sacred Circles and finally appear at the Lord’s Sharings.”
Judah’s words were right. My uncle performed these ceremonies, and our
people never doubted him. And I knew, as per our traditions, I had to lead these
practices. Our beliefs were based on sexual pleasure, even if I had never
experienced it myself.
“Brother?” Judah prompted. I nodded my head.
“I will lead them,” I agreed, fighting my inner will, which taught me otherwise.
 Judah’s face split into a huge grin. “Perfect,” he sighed in relief. “And believe
me, you will want to participate after today.”
I frowned again. But all I could replay in my head were Mae’s words… Have
you ever raped a child… have you ever taken a child in a brother-sister
exchange…
As the van drove on, I looked out of the window, then closed my eyes. I prayed
to the Lord to help me navigate this nightmare.

*****

An hour later, Brother Luke pulled onto a side road, a dirt path to a familiar
place.
“Why are we here?” I asked Judah.
“You know this place?” he asked in surprise.
I nodded. “Judah, what—”
“You have waited this long, brother. Just a few more minutes and you will see
what I have done for you.”
I looked out of the window at the ghost town we used to use in drop offs with
the Hangmen, and my stomach rolled in trepidation. There was nothing here.
Nothing here but derelict buildings and dirt.
I sat in silence as we approached a dark old mill. There was a van out front, but
nothing else. As our van drew to a halt, two men came out of the mill.
The men were dressed all in black. They weren’t from the commune. They
were no one I recognized.
The bigger one of the two flicked his chin as we got out of the van. “Judah?”
he asked, but I shook my head and pointed to my brother. The man smirked.
“Fuck. Hard to tell you two apart.”
Judah stepped forward and took the lead. “Did it all go well?”
“Like clockwork,” the man replied. “Our men went in and moved the stiff.
Nothing will be left when the next person turns up. Total disappearance. Records
have been wiped about who she was meeting. No traces, like the Klan’s Grand
Wizard paid us to do. We do shit right. That’s why he put us on the job.”
Paid men, I thought. But what did Judah need paid men for?
 “And the stock?” Judah asked.
“In the mill. Along with the girl.”
Judah’s eyes brightened again. I wondered what had got him so excited. Then
he turned to me. “Ready for your surprise?”
I cautiously nodded my head. Judah and I followed the men toward the mill.
Silence reigned as we approached. The man Judah had spoken to unlocked the
large mill door. In a matter of seconds he pulled it wide open. Dim light from oil
lamps spilled onto the dirt road and we all stepped inside. At first I could see
nothing but an empty old mill. Then, at the back I could see a young girl holding
a gun at someone tucked behind a wooden partition.
Lord, I thought. The girl looked all of thirteen or fourteen, maybe? And she
was one of ours; dressed in the commune’s uniform gray dress and white
headdress.
The paid men turned and smiled. “Refused to move for even a second. Said she
was a soldier in the holy war, and that she would keep her post until you guys
arrived.”
I narrowed my eyes on the girl, trying hard to recognize her. I could not, but
when I turned to Judah, he was watching her. Watching her like she was his
everything. Like he used to look at Phebe…
No…
“Brother Judah.” The female voice came from the young girl. When I moved
my attention toward the back of the mill, the young girl came running toward
Judah and immediately wrapped her arms around his waist. Judah’s arms circled
her back and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
My heart sank as I looked at my brother, my twenty-four year old twin brother
who pushed the girl back and smash his lips to her mouth. I watched in shock,
only for him to break from the kiss and turn her to me. Her blue eyes
immediately dropped and she bowed her head. “Prophet, I am honored to meet
you.”
My gaze snapped to Judah who was smiling proudly. “This is Sarai, brother.
My consort. Is she not beautiful?”
I had no words in response, and Judah stepped closer. “She has been integral to
my plan, to my surprise for you.” Judah reached out and took Sarai’s hand. “You
did well, my love.”
 Her blue eyes sparkled at my brother and then her lip curled. “They are whores.
All of them. The men they reside with, the devil’s men, they are impure, sinners
of the worst kind. I felt sick the entire time I was with them. But I kept strong for
the cause. I kept focus on our plan. And they never doubted me for a second.”
Judah kissed her head and with his arm around her shoulders, promised. “They
will be exorcised of their misgivings when we return home. They will be
punished, and you will be praised. Just wait until our people hear of what you
have done for them.”
I listened to Judah talk to Sarai. And I watched as he led her forward toward
the wooden partition. But all I could hear in my head was, They are whores. All
of them. The men they reside with, the devil’s men, they are impure, sinners of
the worst kind…
No, I thought, as my heart slammed in my chest. He would not go against my
orders. He did not go in and retrieve them, not until we were strong, not until we
were ready; surely he did not—
“Brother, come,” Judah said, smiling at me as he stood looking behind the
partition at someone. “I have something you need to see.”
My legs felt as though they were carrying dead weight as I walked forward.
And as I passed the wooden partition, I heard a gasp and my eyes snapped to the
left.
My breathing stilled when I saw her, and my pulse took off like a bat out of
hell in my neck. She looked exactly the same. Long black hair, the purest and
palest of white skin, and ice blue eyes. Eyes that were abnormally wide as they
stared up at me now.
And it felt like it was just yesterday that I’d seen her. Felt like just yesterday
when we had sat together in my room, watching movies and lazing on the couch.
“Mae,” I whispered, as I took a step forward.
But Mae flinched at my movement, and the sisters at her side curled further
into her. It took me a moment to realize that they were all terrified. That Mae
was fearful of me.
Me.
A hand clapped on my shoulder and Judah stood by my side. I saw Mae look
from Judah to me and back again, as though she could not believe what stood
before her. “This is your gift?” I asked Judah, quietly. “You retrieved the
Cursed from the Hangmen, without my permission?”
 Judah’s hand became iron tight and I heard his quick inhale of breath at the
tone of my voice. “You need a wife, brother. And I knew you would only take
her,” he pointed to Mae and bit out, “Salome. The destined wife of the Prophet.”
Judah sighed, but added, “I know you said to wait, but we are protected by God.
And you need a wife.” He pointed at Mae. “You need her.”
Mae’s eyes closed as she heard those words, and I stepped forward again,
shrugging off Judah’s hold. “Leave us,” I said to Judah and Brother Luke, who
had been waiting behind us.
“But, Cain—”
“I said leave us!” I shouted, as I glanced behind to meet my brother’s eyes. His
jaw clenched as he stared me down, but he turned and left the mill, taking the
child and the men with him.
When they had gone, I ran my hands through my hair. What had he been
thinking? Sending that child in—a child he had been taking sexually—into the
Hangmen's compound to retrieve the Cursed. We were not strong enough. And
Styx would bring all of Hades’ fury on the commune when he realized she was
gone. All three were here, and it would not take long for the Prez to work out
where they had been taken. I was to get her, in time. But not yet.
Not fucking yet!
“Cain?” The soft sound of Mae’s shaking voice stopped me dead, and exhaling,
I turned to see Mae looking up at me. Her sisters' hands were gripping hers, but
she released them to get to her feet.
“Mae, no!” the blond one called out. And when I looked down at her, my
stomach rolled. Her long hair had been cut off, and with her head looking up, I
could see a long scar running down her cheek.
But then Mae was suddenly before me and my heart clenched in my chest. She
took all of my attention. Her hand lifted to tuck her long hair behind her ear.
Then those blue eyes looked up at me and I was frozen to the spot.
“What… what are you going to do with us?” she asked. I could see that she
was terrified. Her voice was shaking… all of her was shaking. “Are we to be
killed? Are we to be taken back to the commune and tried?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but it was Mae. It was Mae before me.
She swallowed then begged, “Please… please let us go. Do not hurt us.”
My heart pumped loudly, when Mae’s hands landed on her torso and ran down
until they lay on her stomach. Her eyes dipped, and when they lifted, they were
brimming with tears. I could not believe how beautiful she still was, and how my
stomach still tightened when she was close. But my eyes kept running back to
her hands, placed carefully over her stomach.
Then I noticed the ring. Feeling like I had been punched, I asked, “You’re
married? You married Styx?”
Mae’s eyes winced as I mentioned her man, then she shook her head. “Not
yet,” she said fearfully, her eyes flinching at my tone. “But one day we will be.
For now we are content to be engaged.” Mae pointed behind her to Lilah. “But
Lilah is married to Ky. And Maddie…” Mae pointed over her other shoulder,
“she now belongs to Flame.”
My eyes widened as I looked at Mae’s tiny sister. She was now with Flame?
Flame...? Flame who would be coming straight for us when he found out she had
gone. Flame who would fucking slaughter us all.
Mae looked back at me, but this time I could see disbelief in her stare. I could
see her fear. I could see the bravado of strength in front of her sisters, but she
pushed through to say, “I always believed in you, Rider.” She shook her head as
she spoke that name. “I mean, Cain.” She quickly corrected herself.
“I knew you were destined to be the Prophet. But I always believed you were a
good man, deep down.” Mae glanced behind her at Delilah whose blue eyes
seemed to be staring off at nothing, as though she was paralyzed by fear. “Even
when your men came for me and mistakenly took Lilah, she told me that you
begged her to confess her sins. She told me that she knew you were trying to
save her. That it was the other men in your confidence that hurt and defiled her.”
Delilah whimpered behind Mae at this revelation. My blood cooled to ice
water.
“But sending in a young girl. A young innocent girl, so under the control of
The Order, to our home, a girl who killed an innocent to bring us here, to you…
well, that is nothing like the Rider I once knew.”
“Mae,” I uttered, and went to reach forward. But her hands gripped onto her
stomach tighter. “Why are you holding your stomach like that?” I snapped.
Mae inhaled, and straightening her shoulders, said, “I cannot marry you, Cain. I
am not pure like the scripture proclaims I need to be.” She swallowed, and
fighting back tears said, “I am pregnant. I am pregnant with Styx’s baby.”
Delilah and Magdalene gasped from behind Mae, but all I felt was a blow to
my stomach. My lungs seized, but my eyes could not look away from Mae’s
hands on her stomach.
A sob came from Mae’s mouth, and she said, “And he does not even know. I
only just found out and I have yet to tell him.” Her blue eyes filled with tears,
which then ran down her face. “And now we have been taken. I am with child. I
am finally happy in my life, and now we have been taken and given to you!”
Mae shook her head and said, “When will this stop? When will you all realize in
that commune that we do not belong to you! We are not part of that faith. We
have left. We have left and have no desire to ever return! And when will you
realize I am not destined to be the prophet’s wife!”
“No,” I shook my head, and stepped backwards. “You are meant to be mine.
The scripture says so!”
Mae stared at me in absolute disbelief, and whispered, “No, Cain. I am Styx’s. I
have always been and will always be Styx’s. The prophecy was not for me. I am
not the one you must marry. Nor Lilah, nor Maddie. Can you not see that? Can
you not finally see that we do not belong to you! We are not special. We are no
different to any other woman on this planet. It was a senile old man that
proclaimed something out of the blue. Something purely based on our looks.
God did not pick us out. He did not pick any of us out!”
Crouching down, I felt like my head was full of noise, my heart empty, as
was my role in this life. Feeling Mae’s heavy stare, I looked up. Her hand lying
over her forehead. “It is all going wrong. None of this is what I was raised
believing. And they all look to me. They all follow my lead. And they believe
that I should marry you.”
Mae’s head fell in defeat.
Delilah’s blond hair caught my attention from behind Mae. Getting to my feet,
I brushed past Delilah who shuffled back against the wooden wall and cowered
back in fear.
“What was done to you?” I asked. Delilah sank back and began to tremble.
Looking over my shoulder to see Judah pacing outside of the mill, I knew I had
limited time. “What was done to you at your trial? What happened to you on the
Hill of Perdition?”
Tears ran down Delilah’s face, but then Mae said from behind, “They raped
her, Cain. Over and over, before tying her to a stake and setting it alight. They
intended to burn her like a witch. Your brother gave her thirty-nine stripes, the
scars from which still mar her back. In essence, Cain, they tortured her for hours,
and you did nothing to stop it. You washed your hands of her and let them
brutalize her, for fun, for nothing but their sadistic amusement. Our scripture
does not teach what she went through. It does not even infer it.”
My eyes stayed on Delilah as Mae’s words tore me apart, and I asked, “Is that
true? Is what Mae is telling me, true?” Delilah lifted her head.
“Yes,” she whispered, but I did not need to hear the answer to know it was true.
I could see it in her eyes. Judah, my men, had done to her exactly what Phebe
had declared to be true.
I pushed my hands through my hair and looked to Mae. Her blue eyes held
nothing but pain and disappointment. “I did not know they did that. I did not
declare that to be her punishment.”
Mae’s eyes fell lovingly on Delilah and she asserted, “But you did nothing to
stop it. You left your brother to conduct his own form of punishment, at least
that was what Lilah told me. And he did. You gave him free rein to torture an
innocent woman.”
“I would not have allowed that to happen if I had known he would stray from
the scripture. Judah and I were raised together. We share the same beliefs. I
trusted he would do as I would have.”
Mae glanced down, then with a deathly pale face asked, “Then you too have a
child consort? You too have taken children?” She wiped away a tear. “Like we
all were taken. Have you too awakened a small child? Sarai is but fourteen, yet
by the look of things, she is your brother’s main consort. Do you share those
beliefs too? After everything I told you about me, about what we all went
through? Can you honestly believe that God wants this from his chosen people?”
Dipping my head, Mae’s spoken truths cut deeper than any dagger ever could.
“You know I do not.” I shook my head, feeling the fool. “I was waiting for you.
I am pure and was waiting for you. But now…” I trailed off, looking down to her
stomach.
Mae wrapped her arms around herself, protectively, and said, “What are you to
do with us now? What are you to do with my baby? Please let us go, Cain…
please, if there is any good left within you, just let us go. Do not take my family
from me… please…”
Anger built in my stomach as I stared at Mae. Anger that she should have been
with me, but was not. Anger that Judah had lied to my face when I had asked
him what punishment he inflicted on Delilah. And anger at myself, for not
knowing every part of the commune’s day to day practices. For not knowing
what Judah was permitting when holding the Lord’s Sharings. For not knowing
he had taken children. For not knowing his consort was a fourteen-year-old
child, one that he had planted in the Hangmen, without my permission. And his
plan to bring the Cursed to me, knowing we were not strong enough yet to
defend against the Hangmen if they attacked, as surely they now would.
Then I noticed something else… I noticed a purse near the wooden wall, and
my stomach sank. Rushing forward, I picked up the purse that was laid next to
where Delilah was sat and ripped open the zipper. I pushed in my hand, and in
seconds felt her cell in my hand.
I blanched.
With my hands fisted at my side, I shouted, “Judah!”
Judah came running in, Sarai following behind. I pointed at her and ordered,
“Get out! I did not call for you! You have no business answering my call!”
Sarai paled, but then ran back out of mill. Judah looked to me, and a proud
smile began to spread on his lips. That just incensed me even more, and I
stepped closer to him. “Get the van readied,” I ordered.
Judah looked down to the sisters and said, “And what about them?”
I went to push past Judah, when he grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?” he
asked quietly, but I could hear the anger in his voice.
“I am letting them go,” I replied shortly.
“You are what?” Judah asked in exasperation, his hands running through his
hair.
“I am letting them go. They no longer belong with us at New Zion. They are
wed and having children with other men. If the Lord wanted them with us, he
would have never made that possible.”
Judah grabbed onto my arm again. “Then the devil’s men win. If we cannot use
them as wives, then we shall take them in revenge. They invaded our sacred
land, they killed our uncle. They must pay. We are in a war!”
With a surge of fury in my blood, I pressed my palms to Judah’s chest and
slammed him against the nearby wooden wall.
Judah’s eyes widened and I lifted the cell in my hand. “Do you know what this
is, brother?”
Judah’s eyes narrowed on the cell. “It’s a phone.”
 I pushed it further to his face and snapped, “It’s a cell phone. A cell phone with
a GPS. A GPS that the Hangmen will one hundred percent be tracking. A GPS
that will have shown the Hangmen exactly where we are, and if I’m right, they’ll
be arriving here any fucking time.”
Judah’s face paled as I let him go. He looked to the sisters, and said, “So?
Crush the cell and let’s take them home. We cannot simply give them back!”
I looked at my brother as though he was simple. “Do you not think they will
come in for us? They know where we are, Judah! Surely you cannot be this
naïve!”
His face frosted over. “The Lord is on our side. If they come for us, we will
prevail.”
At this point I realized how sheltered Judah truly was. He had no idea of what
he had done. No fucking idea! Staring him straight in the face, I said, “I am the
Prophet, Judah. Me. And I make the decisions. It was ill thought of you to go
behind my back and plant your child whore in the Hangmen compound. It was
ill thought out of you to ever believe that you know what is best for our people,
above me.”
Hearing the sisters’ terrified whimpers getting louder behind us, I took hold of
my brother’s arm and dragged him outside. I strode past Brother Luke who had
Sarai by his side, and signaled with my chin for them to get in the van. Brother
Luke frowned, but something in my face must have convinced him not to ask
any questions.
Hearing Brother Luke and Sarai get into the back of the van, anger took a
tighter hold and I smashed Judah into the side of the van. “
“Cain! What—” he went to argue, but I cut him off with my hand around his
throat.
“It was ill thought out of you to lie to my fucking face. I asked you if you
adhered to the scripture with the Cursed Delilah, and you swore to me you did.”
I leaned in, hand squeezing tighter. Seeing Judah’s cheeks redden, I said, “And
you lied. My twin, my own flesh and blood fucking lied, to my face.”
His mouth worked without words, when he finally choked out, “We needed to
send a strong message to our people. We needed to show them what happened
when they turned away from the true path, as she did.”
I slammed his head back against the metal of the van. “And that was not your
decision to make. It was mine. As the Prophet of New Zion, that was up to me.”
Loosening my grip slightly, I said, “I love you. You are my only family. But do
not betray me, brother. And never fucking lie to me again.”
I stepped back, dropping my arm. Judah sagged against the metal of the van
and gasped for breath. Retrieving the cell, I smashed it to the ground, and
stamped my foot down until it was completely destroyed.
I moved to re-enter the mill, when Judah spat, “Do not let them go, brother. Do
not crush everything I have worked for.”
Freezing, I then slowly turned round and shook my head. “You know nothing,
Judah. You believed you were doing good, bringing those women here, but your
naivety has brought us directly into a death trap.” I pointed to his face. “This is
on you. You acted foolishly, and we need to leave now, or believe me, there’ll be
nothing left of us by morning.”
I stormed back toward the mill, when Judah called out, “You fear them, Cain. I
can see it pouring from you. You fear the devil’s men.”
Stopping dead, but without turning round, I said, “And so should you, Judah.
You’ve never met them. You’ve never walked among them. And you have no
idea how easily they would take your life.” Taking a steadying breath, I said,
“Like I said before, Judah. You’re naïve. You know nothing of this outside
world. Fucking nothing at all.”
Walking again, picking up my pace, I approached Mae and her sisters. They all
stared up at me in terrified confusion. The youngest one was shaking. Looking
around the deserted old mill, she asked, “Are you to kill us?”
Fear radiated from her in waves, and I wondered how the hell she belonged to
Flame? Running my hand down my face, I shook my head. “No.”
Submitting to look at her face one more time, I turned to Mae and suddenly felt
drained of all energy. There was water in her eyes, and she asked in disbelief,
“You are letting us go? Truly?”
My shoulders sagged at the relieved happiness in her voice. “It was never my
plan to take you.” I threw the empty purse on the ground. “No doubt there was a
GPS in your cell. I imagine your men will be here soon.”
Drinking in Mae’s features one last time, I turned toward the van when I heard.
“Rider?”
My eyes closed at the sound of that name, because at this moment I’d have
traded everything to be that guy again. I glanced behind. Mae was on her feet,
the “Property of Styx” cut she was wearing stared me right in the face, sending a
wave of fierce anger coursing through my body. Her long black hair was lifting
in the breeze and I thought she’d never looked more beautiful than she did right
now.
“There is hope for you yet,” she said with a trembling voice.
I huffed a humorless laugh and shook my head.
“It is true,” she pushed, “The road to your redemption lies just ahead.” She
pointed to her sisters. “This, freeing us three, is a start.” Her hand rubbed over
her stomach, and she added, “Be who you truly are, not this man you are
struggling to be. Because the real you is better. He is a better man by far.”
The beat in my heart fell at her words, but without responding I turned away
and left the mill.
Walking over to the paid men, I said, “More of our men are coming to collect
the women, our van is full.”
I caught them frown, and one stepped forward to say, “You got the cash? Deal
was you’d pay on delivery.”
Knowing we needed to get the hell out of this place right now, I prayed to God
to forgive me for what I was about to do. “The men coming will be bringing it.
You’ll get the cash when they take the girls.” A sudden image of Flame came
into my head. If Mae’s sister was his bitch, these men were in for a horrific
death.
The men nodded their heads, believing my every word. I jumped into the van.
The driver’s seat was left empty for me.
I didn’t look back as I pulled out onto the dark road. I didn’t look back at the
men I’d most certainly just sentenced to death. And I didn’t speak to Judah,
Brother Luke or the child all the way back to commune.
It was the first time I’d hated Judah in twenty-four years.



 Chapter Twenty-One

Flame

I knew there was something wrong.
I sat at the window Maddie always sat at and I knew something was wrong.
Two hours had come and gone, then three, then four. And when night had fallen,
making it impossible for me to stare at her sketch of us embracing, clutched in
my hands, I knew something was seriously fucking wrong.
Unable to sit in this cabin for one more fucking minute, I threw on my cut,
grabbed my knives and hightailed it out the door. Heading into my shed, I started
up my bike, then ate dust until I arrived at the compound.
The place was quiet. There was no music blaring through the front doors and
no sluts were hanging around outside. Jumping off my bike I smashed through
the front doors, only to see my brothers all standing around real fucking quiet.
My eyes slammed on AK, Viking, Hush and Cowboy and I frowned. They were
meant to be out on a run. They shouldn’t have been back yet.
Then I saw the Prez and VP standing at the head of the room. Their expressions
were different to normal. And Ky began to pace back and forth, cussing,
smoking smoke after smoke. His long blond hair was sticking out all over the
place.
The flames were beginning to surge. Lapping up my blood, making it
impossible to stand. The room was too quiet. It was all too fucking quiet.
Ripping out my blade, I then looked up, only to see all of the brothers
noticing me.
“Fuck!” Ky spat. Styx silently got to his feet.
My eyes darted from brother to brother—Tank, Smiler, Bull, Prez, Ky, Hush,
Cowboy, then AK and Viking last.
AK ran is hand through his dark hair and took a step forward. Tank gripped his
arm and shook his head. AK ripped it back. “I gotta fuckin’ tell him,” he said.
AK walked four steps toward me. I counted each one, then I snapped. “What
the fuck’s wrong?”
 AK’s chest deflated and he said, “It’s your little one, brother. Maddie and her
sisters have disappeared from that church they were at. Ky went back to check it
out when his old lady never called for a pick up, and it was deserted. Pastor,
bitches, young kid, all of them gone. We think they’ve been taken. That’s why
we’ve been called back from our run early. We burned road just to get the fuck
back, in case we all need to pay someone a fucking visit. And we fucking know
who it’ll have been. Klan or Bible freaks.”
“No,” I whispered, feeling my heart pumping the hellfire faster in my body.
My muscles tensed as I thought of what he’d said. Maddie. My Maddie. The
church. That fucking church. They’d hurt her. They’d hurt her, like I knew they
would.
“They’ll hurt her,” I hissed, and felt my body shaking. “They took her from
me. And they’ll hurt her.”
AK stepped back, and I saw all the brothers watching me. I could feel all eyes
watching me. Mocking me.
But the anger, the anger was taking hold. Clenching my hands into fists, my
body filled with rage, then I snapped my head back and released a loud roar. But
it wasn’t enough, the flames were burning hotter still, my blood like lava, thick
and hot.
Stabbing my knife into my belt, I jumped forward and gripped the table in
front. I threw it over, hearing it crash to the floor, but it wasn’t enough. A chair
came next. Lifting it into the air, I launched it at the wall, the wood splintering
into pieces. But the rage was still fucking there. I took another chair, then
another, smashing them one by one. But no relief came. All I could see in my
head was Maddie’s hand in mine. Her lips pressed against mine. Her arms
wrapped around mine. And it was all I could see. As I paced, as I treaded the
wooden floor, her face was all I could see.
Then I could see her tied down at that church. At that motherfucking church! I
could see her screaming in my head. I could see her in pain. And I couldn’t take
it. I couldn’t fucking take it!
Then I thought of her gone, gone from my side, and stopped dead. No Maddie
in my cabin. No Maddie laying beside me, helping me sleep. And no Maddie
holding my hand, stroking my face, singing to me…
Unable to take the feeling gutting my body, I dropped to my knees, and all the
fire drained out from my blood.
I rocked back and forth on my knees, my heart aching at the fact that she’d
gone. I reached for the knife, but this feeling inside of me was new and I
couldn’t cut it out. It wasn’t the flames. It wasn’t something that could be freed
by my blade. It was my heart, without her. My heart was dark and empty,
without her. And nothing I could do would take this feeling away.
My chest tightened so hard that I felt I couldn’t breathe, then sounds came from
my mouth. Sounds I didn’t know.
The room had gone silent but for the sounds coming from me. Then I heard,
“Fuck, Flame…. Brother…”
AK and Viking dropped down before me. “Flame. Shit.”
I rocked back and forth, holding my hand over my heart. “She’s gone,” I
croaked, looking at my best friends, “And I can’t breathe. In here, is dark and
empty, and she’s gone. I can’t get the feeling to go.”
“What the fuck’s going on?” I heard someone ask.
“He’s claimed Madds,” AK said without looking away from me, pulling back
his outstretched hand from nearly touching me. “They’re fucking finally together
and she’s gone. As you can see, he ain’t handling that shit too well.”
“Fuck me. Flame and Madds?” someone murmured. I looked up to see Ky and
Styx approaching.
“She’s mine,” I said and saw Ky nodding his head.
“We know, brother,” he rasped.
“We need to get them back. I need her back. I can’t live without her.”
Styx turned away, his hand gripping the sides of his head and Ky rasped, “I
know. I fucking feel the same way. We all fucking feel the same way.” But he
couldn’t. They couldn’t. Because he didn’t have the flames. He didn’t have my
flames that only Maddie could keep away.
Silence reigned strong, when suddenly Tanner ran into the room.
“What?” Ky said harshly.
“I fucking got them. GPS is off now, probably been destroyed, but it last
tracked them about an hour north. Last reading was minutes ago. I checked the
map, it’s some fucking ghost town. The signal came from the mill.”
“Shit. It’s the place where we used to make the Russian drop off,” Ky said to
Styx, as he looked at the map Tanner held out.
In seconds I was on my feet.
 “Wait!” Tank shouted, and I looked back, rocking on my feet. “Could be a
fucking trap, Flame.”
“Like I fucking care,” I snapped. “I’m going to get my Maddie. And I got dibs
on the fuckers responsible. I want their blood. I want their death on my fucking
hands.”

*****

I’d never ridden so fast in my life. My Harley cutting up road like a
motherfucking demon.
I could hear my brothers cutting up dust behind me, but I was leading this
charge. I gave no shit about club formations and Styx being at the front. All I
could think about was Maddie. Wondering if she was hurt. Wondering if she was
still fucking there. Wondering if they’d killed her.
My hands shook on my handlebars as I pushed my bike’s speed, but I was
close, the main road beginning to give way to the ghost town. The ghost town
where she was waiting for me.
The beginnings of derelict empty houses came into view—old houses, stores
and churches. The mill was further out. Turning up the gas, I pushed my bike to
the limit as I roared down Main Street, then in the distance I saw the outline of
the old gray mill.
My heart began pounding as I approached. I slowed, my eyes searching the
land for Maddie. Stood there, fucking brazen as hell, were two fuckers dressed
in black.
And I let the flames take their hold.
Let the need to kill take fucking hold.
Pulling onto the dirt road that led up to the mill, I cut the engine and launched
off the bike. I heard more bikes turning off behind me, but my legs carried me
forward. The men dressed in black started moving forward, ski masks covering
their faces, but I didn’t stop to hear whatever the fuck they started shouting at
me. My rushing blood was drowning out any noise but the fucking beating of my
heart and the harshness of my breaths.
Only now feet away, I reached for the blades on my belt and gripped them in
both hands. Jumping forward, I slit the throat of the first fucker and stabbed the
other in the chest.
The one with the slit throat staggered back and fell to ground. In seconds I
jumped on his chest. I ripped off his ski mask so I could see the fucker’s face.
When his dying eyes met mine, I lifted my blade, and placing the tip on his
forehead, stabbed it straight through his skull.
Ripping the knife from his corpse, I moved to the next cunt—he was already
one foot in Hades with the boatman.
Wrenching the blade from his chest, I held a blade in each hand, and started
hacking at his chest, One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven…
I panted, my eyes refocusing to see nothing but a fucked up open chest, when
movement from behind caught my eye.
Styx and Ky at the mill. Styx and Ky fucking holding their bitches. Jumping to
my feet, wiping my blades on the grass and putting them back on my belt, I
screamed, “Maddie!”
I ran toward the mill, when a small figure ran forward in my direction.
Maddie… and she was fucking heading for me.
“Flame!” I heard Maddie’s voice cry. My heart beat faster when her voice
sounded all broken and sad. She lifted the bottom of her dress and ran over the
high grass, and seconds later, her face came into view.
She looked pale. Her green eyes were tired and red, but she didn’t look hurt.
Thank fuck. She didn’t look hurt. Then my pulse pounded harder as she
approached. When she was only feet away, I stopped dead. So did Maddie.
Tears were falling down her cheeks, but just seeing her chased any bad feeling
from my heart away. And I could breathe. We stood in the tall grass, just staring
at each other. My hands balled at my sides. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced
myself to step forward.
Then when I was standing right before her, I reached down and took her hand
in mine. Gasping at the contact, Maddie squeezed her hand. When I looked
down at her face, my throat fucking choked. She was so beautiful. And her
expression. It was the expression she wore when I’d held her in my arms. When
my lips had met hers.
“Flame…” she whispered. Maddie sucked in a quick breath, and said, “I need
you to hold me now. I need to feel your arms around me so I feel safe. Because,
right now, I do not feel safe.”
 Groaning low, I pulled on Maddie’s arm and crushed her to my chest. The
minute she was in my arms, I prepared for discomfort, but none fucking came.
The flames stayed away, and Maddie’s arms slipped around my waist, then
under my cut, until her bare hands touched my skin.
I hissed at the still unfamiliar feeling, but I… I liked it… I didn’t want to throw
her off…
“Flame…” Maddie whispered. I held her closer. “I thought I would never see
you again.” Maddie pulled back, and with shining eyes, she said, “All I thought
about when they took us, was you.” Maddie took hold of my wrist and lifted it
up. She took my hand in hers and then lifted it to her mouth and pressed a kiss to
the back of my hand.
My eyes closed and my cock jerked in my leathers at the touch. “Open your
eyes,” Maddie ordered, and I did. She had stepped closer and she was looking up
at me. “Kiss me,” she whispered, as another tear ran down her cheek. “Kiss me,
to prove to me you are here.”
Sliding up my hands on her arms, I pressed my hands to her cheeks and
brought my lips down to hers.
Maddie moaned low in her throat as our mouths joined and held the edges of
my cut, bringing me close. That noise out of her mouth cut straight to my heart,
causing it to beat like a fucking drum.
Maddie broke away, and her eyes blinked, once, twice, three times. “Maddie,”
I murmured, and a small smile hooked on her lips.
A cough sounded beside us, and I snapped my head up, crushing Maddie to my
side. My eyes searched around to find that all the brothers had surrounded us,
watching me with mouths hanging open, obviously in shock. Maddie ducked her
head into my chest and I could feel the heat from her cheeks on the bare skin of
my chest.
I bared my teeth, ready to tell them all to fuck off, when Styx and Ky walked
forward with Mae and Lilah.
Mae had turned to Styx. “No! Please! Do not go after him. He did not plan this.
And he let us go. I spoke to him. He seemed confused and lost… but he let us
go.”
“Why the fuck did he just fucking let you go?” Ky exclaimed.
Mae, who was under Styx’s arm, shrugged. “It was his twin brother who
organized for Sarai to pretend to have escaped. Everything she said was a lie,
designed to work out a way to get us alone and away from the compound.
Church was the perfect excuse. I think… it appeared as though Cain did not
know of any of it. He was angry with his brother. He was livid with Sarai for
bringing us here.”
“And Sarai killed Pastor James. She just shot her in the head, with no remorse,”
Lilah added, her voice quiet and shaking with shock.
Ky held her to his chest. “So we’ve now got fucking child soldiers to contend
with? Fucking perfect!”
Styx’s hands worked at Mae and I watched him ask, “I just don’t get why the
fuck Rider let you go? He’s wanted you for months. Isn’t that why we’re getting
fucking attacked at drop offs and shit? What’s his fucking deal?”
Lilah’s attention snapped to Mae. Mae stood back from Styx and pushed the
hair from her face. Styx focused on his bitch. “Because I told him something that
changed the prophecy of my becoming his wife. In fact, it has completely
destroyed it.”
“And what the fuck was that?” Ky asked, frowning.
Mae took a deep breath, and reaching down for Styx’s hand, she pressed it flat
to her stomach. “That I am with child.”
My eyes darted to Styx and his face had blanked. His eyes lowered to meet his
hand over Mae’s stomach. He swallowed.
“Fuck, Styx,” Ky whispered. Styx then looked back at Mae’s face. His mouth
spread into the biggest smile I’d ever seen, and he wrapped his arm around
Mae’s neck and crushed her to his front. I could hear him whispering something
into her ear and Mae began to sob.
I squeezed Maddie tighter, feeling every ounce of their emotion in my chest.
Then my eyes closed as Maddie’s hand began stroking along my stomach, and I
froze when her warm lips pressed a single kiss to my chest.
All the brothers embraced Styx, but I wouldn’t, and even if I could touch the
Prez, I wasn’t fucking letting go of Maddie for shit. I wanted to get her home to
our cabin, and I wanted to kiss her some more… I wanted to…. I wanted to…
“So we gotta just wait for them to attack again?” Ky asked Mae. She shook her
head.
“I do not think Rider will return for us. I know him and I could see it in his
eyes. I do not think that his life at New Zion is all it is supposed to be.” Mae
took a deep breath, and looking up at Styx, who was still holding his hand
against her stomach, his face fucking blank, said, “I think it could finally be over
for us and The Order. I feel that Rider will not come for us again. I feel he may
have seen the error of his ways.”
“The cunt still deserves to die,” Ky said darkly. I nodded my agreement, my
back teeth grinding together just imagining stabbing that fucker in his face.
But Styx didn’t answer, instead he wrapped his arm around his bitch and
hurried the fuck back to his bike.
Ky turned to the brothers. “Think that’s our cue to get the fuck on. Prez wants
his knocked up bitch back home and in his fucking bed!”
I wasted no time. Lifting Maddie in my arms, I cut across the tall grass to my
bike and placed her down beside it. Smiler and Bull were dragging the bodies
away in the distance, and I was fucking glad Maddie didn’t see what I’d done.
Climbing on the bike, I nudged my chin at the seat behind. “Get on.”
Maddie stared at the seat and shook her head. “I have never been on one
before.”
I took my hand in hers and said, “Just climb on and wrap your hands around
my waist. I’ll ride slow. You’ll be safe. I won’t let you get hurt.”
Maddie’s shoulders sagged, and meeting my eyes, she said quietly, “I know.”
My heart started to pound again as Maddie climbed on the back. Her long dress
lifted up, and her bare legs sat next to mine. And I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t
stop looking at her bare legs, my cock hardening and pushing against my
leathers. And then her small hands wrapped around my waist and I groaned out
loud.
I heard Maddie inhale a quick gasp. Then she pressed a kiss to my shoulder,
and gripped my waist harder. My eyes closed and I had to ball my hands into
fists to calm down.
I was so confused. I didn’t understand these feelings ripping through my
fucking body. All I knew was that Maddie never felt so perfect as she did right
now, hugging my waist. And my blood was hot for another reason now. There
were no flames, but there was heat. Heat shooting straight to my cock.
Maddie dragged in a stuttered breath and whispered, “Flame...” I tensed as the
tone of her voice changed and my lungs squeezed so fucking tight.
Kicking the bike to start, I pulled out onto the road. I traveled slowly with
Maddie on the back. My brothers had long disappeared, and here on this road
there was just Maddie and me. Maddie’s hands flat to the bare skin of my
stomach, her warm breath blowing in my ear.
I gritted my teeth, trying to focus and to catch my breath, but all I could think
of was getting Maddie’s lips on mine… of feeling those bare legs. The legs that
I’d never seen under her long dresses. Then I wondered what she’d look like
without the dress at all. If her skin was smooth everywhere, and what it would
feel like with her naked body pressed against mine.
I groaned as that image filled my mind, then my heart sank when I thought of
what would have happened if Rider hadn’t let them go. If she’d never come back
to me.
My hands began to grind on the handlebars. We had miles left until we got
home, but I needed to stop, I needed to fucking stop.
Giving a sharp left, I pulled onto a dark patch of dirt and cut the engine. I
breathed in and out, in and out, Maddie still behind my back. But the feeling
never left, and I jumped off the bike. I set to pacing beside the bike, then I
looked up. And Maddie’s huge green eyes were looking up at me, her cheeks
pink and her lips full. And those legs, those legs were on show.
I groaned and ran my hand through my mohawk, then I stopped. My heart was
as loud as thunder in my chest, and I couldn’t stop looking at Maddie… at those
naked legs.
Then on a long groan, I rushed forward and threw my leg over my bike, my
back to the bars, my eyes directly on Maddie. She swallowed as I sat before her,
and I shuffled closer, my hands lifting to land on her cheeks. Maddie was
breathing hard, and feeling the heat of her cheeks under my palms, I closed in
and brought my lips to hers.
Maddie sighed into my mouth. I liked her mouth on mine, but it wasn’t
enough, I wanted closer. I wanted to get as close as I could. There were no
flames and I needed to fill the dark that was in my heart with her fucking light.
As Maddie’s soft mouth opened, I pushed my tongue against hers, Maddie
moaning as they met. She was hot and wet and I moved my tongue faster, but it
didn’t feel like enough. Dropping one hand from her face, I ran it over her arm,
down her waist and to the top of her thigh. Then I moved it lower still, until my
hand met her bare thigh.
Maddie’s tongue stilled, and pulling back, I stared into her eyes. We were both
breathing fast, then I looked down. My hand was flat on her bare skin. And I
couldn’t take my eyes off the sight. Her skin was so soft, so pale and I had to
move my hand. I had to feel it.
My hand began moving down, then when I reached her knee, I moved it back
up until my hand lay at the top of her thigh, my fingers slipping under her dress.
Maddie’s hips rolled forward and a shocked gasp slipped from her throat. Her
green eyes were glistening and my heart sank.
“Don’t be afraid,” I said as I ran my finger down her cheek.
Maddie’s eyes closed as she sighed, but when they opened, she took a deep
breath and whispered, “I am not scared. I… I cannot explain what I am feeling
right now.”
My cock twitched again, and groaning, I shook my head. “Maddie, I… I… I
need…”
“I know,” she rasped. Her hand lifted to land on my face. “I understand you
Flame. And I am beginning to understand myself. What you and I are to each
other.”
“And what’s that?” I asked gruffly.
Maddie bowed her head. “Everything.” My heart missed a beat, then she lifted
her head and said, “Love.” Maddie’s hand dropped down over her racing heart,
and she whispered, “You, to me, are the only one I could ever love.”
I fought against my clogged throat. But with what just came from her mouth
and my hand touching her thigh, I couldn’t. I couldn’t catch a fucking single
breath. Groaning, I crashed my lips to hers once again, but Maddie’s hand
pushed my chest back and she said plainly, “Flame. Take us home.”
Her cheeks were blazing red, but I nodded my head. I removed my hand from
her thigh and clenched my hand into a ball. It felt different. Touching her that
closely had felt different.
Then Maddie’s hand was in mine and she said, “Let us go home. I wish,” she
took a deep breath, and leaning closer, her forehead kissing mine, said, “I wish
to be alone with you. I wish to… touch you more. I wish to see you more… I
wish, I think… I need to show you my love.”
Dropping her hand, I turned in the seat. My skin felt on fire. My soul felt on
fire. But this time, I wanted the heat to stay. Because it was burning off the bad
memories in my head, and it was filling me with Maddie’s light.
In my fucking head was Maddie’s light.
 As I started the engine, Maddie’s hand sipped low on my stomach, my cock
reaching for her touch. And with her mouth at my ear, she said, “Home, Flame.
Take us home.”
She didn’t have to ask me again.



 Chapter Twenty-Two

Maddie

I did not know what had overtaken me. But it was both terrifying and liberating
at the same time. My body felt alive with Flame’s touch. On my thigh was a
brand, the searing brand of Flame’s touch.
And my heart swelled when it had not felt like that of Brother Moses. It felt…
special, and right, and only good things.
And after fearing I would never see him again, any barriers I had left crumbled
to dust when I saw him running my way. I forgot to breathe, watching his dark
eyes set on mine. In that moment, I had no past, nor did he, it was just us. One
boy and one girl feeling the heady relief of reunion after separation.
And all I had wanted him to do when he was before me, was to hold me. I
wanted to feel small and protected under the heaviness of his inked and pierced
arms. I wanted to feel his hot skin beneath my cheeks, and I had wanted to feel
his soft lips on mine.
And he had delivered. He had cared for me so softly. And I could see the same
desperation to feel one another’s touch reflected in his eyes. And then something
else took root. A feeling between my legs. A craving to have more of him.
Because, and I was sure of this, I would never feel like this about anyone else.
So mindless and free with my body and touch, so at ease and willing to fall into
his arms.
And that is when I knew. I knew that what I was feeling was love. It had to be.
Because it was all-encompassing and irrational, yet at the same time it felt so
perfect and true.
And it had to be true, because in front of me was my Flame… and I was his
Maddie. Two fractured souls made whole only by the other’s unconditional love.
My arms tightened around Flame’s waist, and I pressed a kiss to his shoulder,
smelling the leather from his cut, as a falling tear from my eye was swept away
in the cool breeze.
Flame stiffened, but I knew it was not from abhorrence of my touch. No, he too
was feeling the same searing sensation that ran through me, running through
him. And it was heady, and frightening, and delicious, in the most beautiful of
ways.
The Hangmen compound appeared on the left, and my heart kicked into a
sprint knowing that in just a few minutes we would arrive at the cabin. And I
knew that after tonight, our lives would change forever.
Because they had to.
There was no way to stop what was coming for us with the force of a hurricane.
And there was no desire for it stop either. It would finally free us both. In the
only way it could—with each other.
Flame veered onto the dirt path that led to his cabin. He pulled to a stop and
switched off the engine.
The night was still, and the owls hooted from the trees. My hands were still
wrapped around Flame’s waist as he breathed in deep controlled breaths. I
counted eleven, then on twelve his hand lifted and lay over mine on his waist.
For an inexplicable reason, my eyes filled with tears. I lay my head against his
wide shoulder and inhaled. A wisp of gentle wind wrapped around us. Inhaling
its earthy scent, I lifted my head from his back and released my hands from
around his waist. Sliding off the saddle, I walked round the bike and entered the
open cabin door.
I could feel Flame right behind me, and when he closed the door and turned the
lock, the room temperature seemed to soar. Flame stood at my back, and I closed
my eyes and breathed.
My hands shook with nerves, but I vowed to myself that I would do this. I
would do this; not only for myself, but for Flame also. Though still trapped by
the heavy weight of our demons, we needed to be freed. We needed to do this, to
finally be free.
Forcing my legs forward, I walked into the bedroom. As I entered the doorway
the small bed, pushed to the back of the small room, seemed to dominate the
entire setting. The ironed white sheets that I had laundered and pressed, were
still perfectly spread over the mattress. I swallowed in trepidation.
Heavy footsteps entered the room behind me and I could feel Flame’s presence
at my back, like I was standing in the heat of the midday sun.
Taking a deep breath, I turned silently, only to see Flame’s huge frame
blocking the doorway, hands fisted tightly at his side.
 Stepping forward, and without looking up, I lay my hand flat to the bare skin of
his heavily muscled stomach, gently moving my palm to run over the ridges and
valleys of his abdominal muscles. Flame’s entire body tensed and a long hiss
escaped from his mouth.
Lifting my other hand to join its partner on Flame’s hot skin, I drifted them up
to his chest and pushed off the leather cut he always wore. The heavy material
dropped to the ground, leaving only his fully inked and pierced naked torso. My
hands stroked his hard body, edging over the scars and snakebite marks from his
youth. As the pads of my fingers traced over those scars, Flame released a hard
breath, skin twitching. But he did not stop me. Then as my hands continued
north, I steeled myself to look up. And when I did, it was to find his dark eyes
watching me with an expression so trusting, it almost brought me to my knees.
Flame’s lips parted and he whispered, “Maddie…”
Stepping closer until my body was flush against his, I tilted up my head,
searching for a kiss.
Flame watched my mouth, then lifting his cold hands onto my face, guided his
head down to mine. As our mouths connected, his lips were feather-light and
they brushed so softly against mine.
I had never felt so treasured, so safe, as I did at this very second.
Flame’s mouth withdrew, and his forehead pressed against mine. Sucking in a
breath, he rasped, “Are you afraid?”
My heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” I whispered truthfully.
“Me too,” he replied, so softly his voice was barely audible.
Laying my hands on his waist, I drank in his heat, then stepped backwards.
Flame’s eyes stayed with mine the whole time.
Lifting my shaking hands to my messed-up hair, I began unthreading the pins
that still remained, the ones that held up what was left of my bun. Six pins later,
long black hair fell over my shoulder and I dropped the pins to the ground.
Flame shifted from side to side as he watched me, nostrils flaring and lips
tightening.
It was strange. I had always resented my beauty. Had always hated the fact that
men found me attractive. But right now, standing before Flame so uncensored
and unbarred, I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to be breathless at my
face. I wanted him to want to touch my body, to cherish me like I dreamed it
could be. Without the pain, and without the cruelty.
 “Maddie,” Flame murmured. Spurred on by his plea, I lifted my hand to the
back of my dress. Finding the zipper, I pulled it down. Flame’s eyes flared, when
the top of my dress sagged, baring my shoulders.
My eyes closed as a sudden flurry of nerves accosted my senses, but then I
heard him moving forward, feeling his body heat pushing toward me.
I felt a finger running along my neck, and it traveled down onto my newly-
bared shoulder. It traveled across my collarbone, then stopped at the falling
neckline of my dress.
On a deep inhale, I opened my eyes to see Flame’s head tilt to the side as he
watched me. Although his face wore a blank expression, his soulful dark eyes
told me everything I needed to know, everything I needed to feel.
He wanted this.
He wanted me.
Not once breaking Flame’s focus, I dropped my arms. With them came my
dress and it fell to a messy heap on the ground. I sucked in a nervous gasp as the
cold air in the cabin washed across my bare breasts. The only thing now
protecting my modesty were my small white undergarments.
Flame’s finger was still on my lower throat, and I trembled as he viewed me.
He was a statue, frozen to the spot. But his eyes were exploring, drinking in my
body.
A low groan eventually tore from his lips, and he murmured, “Fuck…
Maddie…” then his eyes snapped to mine and he hushed out, “Mine. My
Maddie… My beautiful Maddie…”
Feeling tears build in my eyes, Flame’s finger gently moved and drifted down
my chest to rest between my breasts. I breathed hard at the unfamiliarity of such
a soft touch, then I stilled and released a moan as his finger ran across to my
right breast, his fingers skimming the flesh and circling the nipple.
“Flame,” I whispered as his touch ignited sparks between my legs.
“Maddie,” he groaned in response, moving the finger to the other breast,
repeating the action. I felt on fire as he explored, and I was lost. Lost in his
gentle touch—the most gentle of touches.
Then, as Flame moved closer still, I felt his lips press a kiss to the corner of my
mouth as his hand traveled south. Turning my head, I caught his searching
mouth with my own, just as his hands fell to my hips, his fingers hooking the
side of my undergarments.
I stilled against warm lips, as Flame’s hands pulled my undergarments down
my legs. Still connected at the mouth, I looked up to see Flame’s eyes closed and
his nostrils wide as he breathed in slowly.
Then as if feeling my stare, those beautiful eyes opened and a redness filled his
cheeks. Feeling my undergarments at my feet, I stepped out of the material and
shuddered at my reality. I was naked, with a man.
Just as fear began creeping in, to assume its familiar hold, Flame’s hands
cupped my cheeks and he pressed his lips so softly against mine. His hips
pressed in further, and I could feel the evidence of his excitement pressing
against my thigh.
Then murmuring against my mouth, Flame whispered, “I want you, Maddie. I
want you so fucking much…”
Spurred on by his confession, and the burning desire building between my
thighs, I ran my hands down over his broad chest, over his torso, and down to
the waistband of his leather pants.
Flame hissed, but his hands were locked in my hair, his eyes watching me as I
slowly released the top button.
His jaw clenched as my trembling hands travelled down to the zipper. Finding
the metal tab, I pulled it down, feeling warm hard flesh hit my hand.
This time Flame did move. On a loud groan, Flame’s head snapped back and
his teeth gritted together. From this distance, I could clearly read a dark tattoo on
his gums, the one that read ‘PAIN’.
Faltering in my touch, I went to withdraw my hands, when Flame’s hands
tightened in my hair. “Keep going,” he ordered. “Maddie… keep going…”
Swallowing at the guttural tone of his broken voice, I continued in my task.
Hooking my hands into the waistband, I slowly pulled the leather material down,
the pants falling to pool at his feet.
We both stilled. We breathed as we both now stood bare, completely bare for
one another. Flame’s head fell forward. His lips were trembling under the
shadow of his beard, but I could see the desperation in his eyes.
Leaning forward, I whispered nervously, “We can do this.”
Choking on a moan, Flame nodded his head, and stepped out of his leather
pants. Fear held me captive, standing flush against Flame. But I forced myself to
step back, and when I did, my heart and my hope soared.
Flame stood before me, all thick muscles and tattoos, with his manhood erect
and flushed. But what took away my breath was the fact that his looming
presence did not fill me with dread and fear. Because this man before me, the
one my soul loved, was my safety. The man with whom I could only ever be this
free and trusting.
The man who was mending my fractured soul.
Backing away further, my legs hit the soft mattress of the bed. Pressing my
hand down onto the cool linen, I climbed on the bed, and lay down. Flame stood
in the center of the room, looking as nervous as I felt. I held out my hand, and
meeting his eyes, whispered, “Come to me, Flame… please…”
With a tensed body, Flame shuffled forward until he sat on the mattress. We
lay down in our usual positions. Only there was nothing 'usual' about this time.
About this moment right now.
Laying my head against the pillow, I inched my hand forward, my palm flat to
the mattress beside Flame’s head. Flame, watching every move I made with
flared eyes, mirrored my movement. A smile pulled on my lips, and crawling my
fingers forward, I lay my hand over his and sighed at the connection.
Flame’s eyes closed, and when they opened, he shuffled further forward and
slid his calloused hand around my waist, pulling me against his chest. I gasped
as my bare breasts met the hard muscles of his wide chest.
Our stares held, until Flame leaned in and stole a kiss. His lips crushed to mine,
and in seconds his tongue pushed into my mouth. I met his tongue with my own,
groaning at the too heady sensation of my bare skin flush against Flame’s and
our hot mouths fused.
On a low groan, Flame’s hands pushed me flat to the mattress, and he rolled his
large body over mine. A cry ripped from my mouth as I broke our lips apart.
Panic was coursing through my body, the feel of Flame’s too strong body
bringing back painful memories, until my frantic eyes focused on his handsome
face, and I immediately calmed.
A tear slipped from the corner of my eye. Flame leaned down to capture it on
his lips. My heart raced at such a sweet act coming from such a powerfully-built
man. Then I made myself calm; this was Flame. This was my Flame.
Relaxing into the mattress, my unsteady arms lifted to lie on Flame’s
shoulders. At my touch Flame relaxed too, and I could feel his hard length
pressing against my thigh. But this time I felt no fear, just a simple need to be
joined, in every conceivable way.
Flame’s eyes were repeatedly squeezing shut, and his head had begun to
twitch. I knew this meant he was just as nervous as I. Only, he did not know how
to express it.
Running my hands up his neck, I threaded my fingers through his hair. Flame
exhaled, and when he met my eyes, I asked in a quiet voice, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s eyelids pulled down, lines marring his forehead and he confessed,
“I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been with anyone this way. Only with,
forced by…” he trailed off as his huge arms began to shake. My heart lurched
when I knew what he was telling me.
“Shh…” I soothed and stroked his hair. “I am the same. Because I too have
never done this before. Not like this. Only with you. Only ever with you.” I
swallowed back threatening tears and whispered, “Only ever because of you…”
“Maddie,” Flame said. I cried as a tear dropped from his eye. Leaning forward,
I kissed away the salty drop, exactly as he had done with me. Chasing away the
demons of our pasts.
For several long seconds we breathed in the same air, until I pushed myself to
move my legs, to open my legs for Flame. Flame’s jaw tightened as his length
fell between my legs at this small movement.
I could feel the fear, the nerves threatening us both. The air crackled with fear
and tension. Running my hand down between our stomachs, my fingers met
Flame’s length. I stilled as my hands wrapped around it and Flame groaned
aloud. Then I saw it in his eyes, the sheer need, and lowering his head to mine, I
murmured against his lips, “Make love to me.”
Flame moaned and his hips moved forward. I directed him inside me, and my
mouth parted on a quiet gasp when he pushed gently inside.
Our bodies were trembling as we hung on the precipice of becoming one. Then
as Flame’s large arms tensed, shaking at the enormity of what we were about to
do, his eyelids hooded and he whispered, “You are my Maddie…” immediately
before he pressed himself forward, his length filling me so impossibly full.
Needing to find purchase, to ground me in this moment, my hands wrapped
around Flame’s neck. A pained groan tore from his throat. Then we stilled as he
lay inside of me.
I waited for him to move again, I waited to follow his lead, but when I looked
up, his face appeared torn with agony. His breathing was out of control and
sweat had beaded on his forehead. My hand lifted to sweep across his brow, and
he gasped for breath. His taut arms trembled, and haunted dark eyes grew to the
size of saucers.
“Flame?” I asked, the last of my nerves fraying, seeing the man I had fallen so
deeply for coming undone.
My hand stayed on his face and I focused his attention to me. “Flame? What is
it?”
His eyes closed and his lips paled. His breath stalled, then on a sharp gasp they
opened and he whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.”
My heart sank at the gutting tone of his confession. “Why? Tell me what is
wrong?” I gently pushed.
Flame’s focus fell to his arms, and he said, “I need pain. To come… I need
pain.” He blinked, then blinked again. “I only know how to come through pain.”
He sucked in a breath. “Not like this. Never done this before.” Flame’s attention
fell back to me. “I want to, Maddie. I fucking want this, so bad. I need this… but
I need pain. I’m fucked up and I need pain to go through with this.”
Flame lifted his hand and took hold of mine. He moved them slowly to his arm
still at my side. Taking my fingers, he pressed my fingernails into the flesh on
his forearm, and dragged my nails down his skin.
Flame hissed and I felt his length swell within me as my nails marked his skin.
Color burst on his cheeks, and with his eyes still closed, he released my hand
and demanded harshly, “Again. Do it again.”
With a timid hand, I moved my fingers to the top of Flame’s arm and dragged
my fingers down to his wrist in a slow, hard motion. Flame’s hips bucked
harshly inside of me, an aggressive cry leaving his lips.
I tensed in fear. I froze on the mattress, my hands dropping to my sides. I tried
to breathe, but it seemed out of my reach.
Flame’s eyes opened, just as a tear trickled down the side of my face. He
watched the droplet fall into my hair and he reared back his chest.
“Maddie?” he rasped. “You’re crying.”
I glanced to the scratches I had made on his arms, the skin red and raised, and I
felt sick. I shook my head on the pillow. “I cannot Flame,” I said barely making
a sound. “I cannot have pain involved in this act. Not between us.” I cast Moses’
face from my head, and meeting Flame’s pained eyes said, “I want this with you.
I want this with you, so badly. But I cannot. I cannot cause you pain. It is not
within me… it is not how our joining should be. We need this to mean more. We
need this to be just us, not about our pasts.” I swallowed back the emotion
threatening to take hold.
The hard muscles on Flame’s chest tensed and flinched then, devastated, he
said, “I can’t fucking do it without the pain. I’m fucked up and need the pain.”
His expression fell, and with large lost eyes, he whispered, “Maddie… how do
we do this? I want it so fucking bad… but I don’t think… FUCK!” Flame’s teeth
gritted and his hands fisted the linen sheets.
Inhaling deep, I lifted my hands to lie on his dark bearded cheeks. Flame
sighed as in defeat, his broad shoulders sagging. His eyes would not meet mine,
his eyes were forever on mine, and his avoidance shattered my heart.
“Flame?” I said softly. “Look at me.” Flame looked up at me through lowered
long black lashes, and I said, “We have to do this. We both have to do this to
move on. No fear. No demons. Just us. You and Me. Flame and his Maddie.”
“Maddie,” he responded gruffly, almost painfully. “I don’t know… I can’t…
the pain, I need it—”
“You have me,” I interrupted, feeling the strength of that statement resonate in
my every cell. Flame stilled, watching me with a profound intensity. Boldly,
rolling my hips, I said, “We need to make this our first time. We need to make
this the first act of love we have ever known. This is the night we lose our
innocence, without the pain.” Another tear fell from my eye, and I added, “We
have been lonely too long.”
“I don’t know how to do this without pain,” Flame said in a desperate tone.
Pulling his head down, his forehead met mine. “Focus on me. Make me your
one thought. Replace the pain with thoughts of my face. My touch… my love…”
Flame’s lips pressed a whisper of a kiss to the side of my mouth. And desperate
to see this through, I moved to run a hand down his arm over the scratches I had
made. Guilt engulfed me, and I hushed, “Your pain causes me pain. Your
distress causes me distress.”
Flame froze, and glancing down at my hand, he said, “I don’t want to cause
you pain. I couldn’t fucking stand causing you pain. Not you.”
Hope filled my heart, and I pushed, “Then try. Try to make love to me without
the scratches or the blades… without the hurtful memories of your past. Just…
me and you.”
Flame’s eyes closed, his body deathly still, then threading his fingers through
mine, he began to move.
And the tears fell.
Flame’s head had tucked into my neck, and at the sound of my gentle sobs, he
looked up and, pouring from his eyes, were tears too. My heart broke at the sight
of this man becoming so undone.
And then he moved, expelling painful frustrated groans, my name slipping
from his lips. Eleven times. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie,
Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…” A sob followed as he
gradually built up speed, his hand gripping mine so impossibly tight.
And the tears did not stop. They did not stop as Flame’s groans of pain gave
way to groans of pleasure. They increased in tandem with mine, his fullness
within me igniting something in my blood, a build-up, a build-up of whispers
under my skin, of a light shining behind my eyes.
Flame’s breathing changed, and as he looked down at me, his face wearing an
expression of disbelief, my finger stroked along his bearded cheek.
“Maddie!” he growled, his hips rolling faster as his large arms lifted to cage me
on the bed, our fingers still entwined. My pulse increased when the sparks in my
blood surged with heat. Unable to keep from closing my eyes, a cry came from
my lips as a feeling so intense took hold of my body. My back arched, guiding
my breasts to brush against Flame’s hard chest. I panicked at the unfamiliar
sensation, but all I could feel was Flame—before me, above me… inside me…
within me…
Just as my eyes fluttered open, Flame’s large body tensed, and releasing a
deafening roar, he jerked within me. Heat filled my body… Flame’s heat.
Just Flame.
No pain.
Flame’s breathing was erratic, arms unsteady as his head tucked in my nape,
then raising his head, his glazed eyes snapped into focus as his tears caught in
his beard.
It was like I had seen him for the very first time. This man, my Flame, above
me, fixing me back together. A sob came from his mouth and he rasped,
“Maddie… my Maddie… mine…”
 My heart stilled as I stared up at his disbelieving face. Without restraint, or any
falsehood in my heart, I confessed, “I love you…”



 Chapter Twenty-Three

Flame

Maddie’s hand was on my face as she spoke those words. And I swallowed,
shaking my head.
“No,” I replied, my body freezing with fear.
Maddie’s forehead pulled down, and she whispered, “It is true, Flame. I love
you. With all of my heart, I am yours. All that I am, you possess.”
I swallowed, but I couldn’t believe her. I wanted to, but his voice was in my
head. No one will ever love you, boy. You’re a fucking retard. No one will ever
want you.
My eyes squeezed shut and I rolled off Maddie, groaning when I slipped out of
her. I fell to my back and stared at the wooden ceiling.
Flame… I love you…
“No,” I hissed once more as I replayed Maddie’s voice telling me those words.
I lifted my arm to cover my eyes, blocking out the world, then I felt Maddie
move. I felt her chest press against mine, I felt her firm tits push against my skin.
Then her finger was stroking down the length of my arm, and I sighed at how
fucking good her touch could make me feel.
Lowering my arm, Maddie’s face was focused on me. Her green eyes were
shining, and she whispered, “I do not lie.” Leaning in, she pressed her lips to
mine. As soon as our mouths met, the heat in my blood cooled, and I wrapped
my fingers in her long hair.
When Maddie broke from the kiss, her finger stroked down my face and she
said, “I do not know why you do not believe you are worthy to be loved, but I do
love you, so purely and honestly that I can scarcely believe it myself.” Her eyes
dipped as her fingertip traced the flame tattoos on my chest. “You have brought
me back to life.” She choked on a laugh and said, “You have made my life.”
My heart pounded, my pulse raced, and lifting my hands, I bared my palm and
said, “But all I do is hurt people. I make them leave. Nobody can love me. It’s
not fucking possible.”
 Maddie leaned forward until her face was hovering just above mine, and she
asked, “Flame, you must tell me. What has happened in your past to make you
think this?”
Her finger stroked along my beard, and she said, “To make you think that your
touch is harmful? To make you measure your life in sets of eleven? I want to
know you. I want to know everything.”
I tensed as she asked that and I could feel sweat building on my forehead.
“Maddie,” I whispered, opening my eyes and shutting them again, trying to not
go back there. Maddie’s small hand linked within mine. My eyes opened and
focused on our joined hands.
Maddie swallowed and confided, “I was six when Brother Moses first came for
me.” Maddie’s breathing hitched and her voice began to quiet. “I was sitting
alone in my quarters. Bella, Mae and Lilah had already been taken by their
assigned elders, because they were older.” Her eyes looked away, then she
continued. “I remember I had been sitting at the window, watching the normal
people in the commune go about their daily duties. I remember I had been
smiling at a butterfly fluttering around the courtyard outside.” Maddie’s mouth
had pulled into a gentle smile, but then it vanished. “I remember hearing
someone at the doorway. And when I looked over, an older large man was
standing there, staring at me, with his arms over his chest. He was dressed all in
black, and I remember his black boots.” Maddie shook her head. “I do not know
why I remember those boots. Maybe it was the sound they made on the ground,
or how they made him appear so tall and frightening? But I remember feeling so
much fear that I was paralyzed. For years I had seen my sisters taken away by
the elders, and every time they returned, they struggled to walk. They were
quiet. Too quiet.”
Maddie sniffed, but there were no tears in her eyes. Then her hand squeezed in
mine. “He told me I was to go with him. But I could not move. So he walked
forward, his heavy boots like thunder claps on the ground. And reaching out, he
gripped my arm so tightly in his large hand. I remember calling out at the sharp
pain, and he smiled at me, his teeth gleaming under his long dark beard.
Thinking back, I always see that smile when I close my eyes. Because he liked
that I was in pain. He enjoyed causing me pain.”
“Maddie,” I hushed out, but she stared into the distance and I couldn’t stop her.
I knew she was lost in the memory, just like I got lost in mine.
“He led me down a long hallway until we reached a room at the end. I watched
him open the door, and when it opened I remember not being able to
comprehend what I was seeing. There were ropes and chains hanging from the
ceilings. There were handcuffs and heavy chains attached to the walls, and in the
center of the room was a table. A table with shackles of all sizes to attach to
wrists and feet.”
I closed my eyes, unable to get that fucked up scene out of my head. Maddie’s
hands began to go cold. “He took me in there, Flame. He led me in by the hand
and he locked the door behind us.
“I remember jumping at the sound of the locks snapping, and then he stood
before me. I remember he lifted his hand. I remember he lifted his hand and
stroked it down my cheeks. He would call me his little beautiful evil girl. Then
he leaned forward and removed my headdress. I remember being scared that it
was sinful for him to bare my hair,” Maddie sucked in a breath, and with a
broken voice, said, “but that was the very last thing I should have feared.
Because what came next set the course of my life, until I was freed just months
ago.”
Maddie’s eyes looked lost. I wanted to say something to her, but the flames in
my blood were back at the thought of someone hurting her. The flames were in
my blood, scalding my flesh at the thought of that cunt hurting her, of taking her
into to that torture chamber.
Maddie’s hand gripped tighter still, and she blurted, “He ripped my dress from
my back, Flame. He cut off my undergarments. He lifted me up naked and
placed me on the table. Within seconds he had tied me down with the smallest
set of shackles. I remember panicking because I could not move. I remember
trying to free myself. Then I remember Moses suddenly standing before me,
naked, holding his manhood in his hands. Looking back now, he must have been
in his mid-thirties at the time. And I was six. He was so much older than I, yet he
wanted me in a carnal way.”
Maddie’s breathing caught in her throat. I lifted my chest to try and calm her
down. Then her cheeks paled and she added, “He started telling me that I was
evil. That my looks were too tempting for men to resist, and that he had been
charged with purifying my soul. I remember him slowly climbing on the table,
his large body hovering above me, and I remember his hand lifting to run over
my bare chest, his fingers squeezing my small nipples between his fingers. I was
so confused. I did not understand why he was touching me in my private places.
“And then he lay above me, between my little spread legs. But I could not get
free; I tried and I tried to get free. But it was no use. I was trapped, and Brother
Moses relished it.” Maddie’s whole body tensed and her eyes winced. “And then
he pushed himself inside of me. So hard and so rough that I remember screaming
so loudly that my ears rang. I feared I had been split open, the pain was that
great. But my scream only spurred him to strike my cheek and tell me shut up.
He did not stop. Trapped on that table, he took me over and over, again and
again. So many times, that I eventually passed out. When I awoke I was back in
my quarters with Bella, Mae and Lilah, all surrounding my bed. And as I awoke,
I remember feeling the agonizing pain coming from between my legs. Looking
down, I saw blood. So much blood.” Tears were now falling freely from
Maddie’s eyes, but she wiped them away to add, “And it never stopped. If
anything, his ‘schooling’ of me became worse. I instantly learned to dread that
room. Then after a while, it became my life. And that’s when I died inside.”
Maddie blinked fast and looked down at me. Her lip twitched and a sad smile
played on her full lips. “Until you appeared, the unlikeliest of saviors. Flame,
you saved me from him. From that life… from never knowing what it was like to
hold hands. To kiss and to make such sweet love that it still feels like a dream.
You have no idea how special you are to me.” Maddie held up our joined hands
and said, “Even now, looking at these hands, I am terrified this is all in my head,
that being here with you, is just another fantasy that will never be realized. That
I am sitting at my window, sketching a future I pray will happen, before I blink
and discover it is all in my head, that I must be content to simply watch you from
afar.”
Maddie leaned down and pressed her lips to my forehead. When she pulled
back, her hands were stroking my hair. “But then I feel this new, strange,
overwhelming feeling in my heart, and know this is all real. That I have been
saved, again. Because I feel fear and hope pulsing simultaneously through my
body. I feel giddy and nervous at the same time. And I cannot breathe at the
thought of being without you, for even one second.” Maddie’s hand lowered to
rest on my cheeks, and she said, “So you may think you cannot be loved. But in
my heart, in my healing soul, I am begging the question, how can you not?
Because for me, you are truth. My truth. My heart, is all you.” Maddie smiled,
the pretty sight like a punch straight in the heart. “I love you, Flame. And I will
spend the rest of my life trying to make you believe that you are worthy of being
loved.”
I groaned on hearing those words. I wrapped my arms around Maddie’s neck,
bringing her down to my chest. I held her tight and rasped, “I can’t fucking stand
the thought of that cunt doing what he did to you.”
Maddie’s arms tucked around my waist, and with her cheek on my chest, she
admitted, “And I cannot bear the thought that someone hurt you either. Even
now, I cannot fathom what really happened to you. I know that they hurt you at
your church. I know it is because you do not see the world as everyone else does.
But… who is he? Who is the man you refer to? The one who enters your mind?
The one who takes you to the hatch and hurts you? I believe like Brother Moses
did to me.”
I held her tighter as I thought of his face. His hard face and those eyes that
stared at me with such hatred. I thought of the darkness, of the dirt floor… and
the screaming… the motherfucking screaming…
“Flame?” Maddie called, summoning me from the darkness with a simple kiss
on my chest.
I held her tighter, and confessed, “I’ve… I’ve never told anyone before…” My
lungs squeezed, I could hear his voice pushing through, You evil little shit. You
took her from us and now all he does is scream. Here, you fucking deal with it…
“Shh, Flame. All is well,” Maddie soothed.
I focused on her hands around my waist and her soft breathing on my chest,
then I rasped, “The snakes didn’t work.”
Maddie tensed and her arms squeezed tighter. I stared at the ceiling and said,
“The church, the poison; none of it worked. For months and months he kept
taking me back to the church, back to Pastor Hughes. But nothing they did
worked. He said the flames would never leave. That I was evil, and everything I
touched would be ruined too. I never got better at understanding things, at being
like normal people. And eventually they gave up taking me to church. But his
punishments got worse.”
“Who is he, Flame?” Maddie asked, and his face came into my head again.
“My poppa,” I whispered in reply. My stomach ached at speaking his name
aloud. “He said I was evil. That I had flames running in my blood. He tried to
get them out through God. Instead he told me that I belonged to the devil. That I
was a curse on all of the family, because the devil had made me slow and
stupid.”
“Flame,” Maddie whispered, and she lifted her head to look me in the eyes.
“I tried, Maddie. I tried real hard to speak to other kids, but I never said
anything right. I… I didn’t understand what I said that made them laugh at me,
or cry, or run away. Never ever understood. Every time it happened, my poppa
would get more and more angry. And he would hit me, send me to my room
because he told me he couldn’t stand to be near me.” I inhaled and continued.
“He would see me playing on the floor with my toys, and scream at me that I
was evil, that I was a retard. And my mama… he would scream at her too. She
would try to get him to stop. She would try over and over again. But he’d hurt
her too when she did. When my baby brother was born, he would scream at him
too, to stop crying. But he was a baby, and babies cry all the time.”
Maddie lifted her head and asked, “You have a brother? A mother?”
My stomach fell and I shook my head. I could feel my head twitching. My
body jerked and I needed to get up, but Maddie shifted her body to lie across
mine and her palms caressed my face.
“They are not here?” When I looked down, my arm was held out, my sharp
nails scraping over my veins.
I choked, my throat too tight, and I whispered, “Maddie… I killed them. I hurt
them… I fucking killed them…”
Maddie swallowed and prompted, “What do you mean? Talk to me Flame. Do
not keep it inside, where it causes you pain. Share it with me. Let me share your
pain.”
My eyes shut, and I heard my poppa screaming in my head. “Flame… talk to
me, please…” Maddie begged, taking me right back to that day. Right back to
that hell…
Poppa had left. I heard the slamming of the door. I relaxed, and laid down on
the dirt floor. I was so tired. I was so hungry. But I hadn’t dared to move,
hearing his footsteps above me. If he caught me sleeping I would be punished.
And my body hurt. The belt hurt and I didn’t want more pain.
Just as I laid my cheek on the dirt, I heard feet moving above me, then stop. I
sat straight up and shuffled back into the corner of the hole.
My heart started beating too fast, thinking it was my poppa, and I scratched at
my wrists to get out the flames before he could do it himself. I didn’t want his
blades on my arm again. They hurt too much.
Then just as I’d sliced my arm with my sharp fingernails, someone laid down
on the hatch above. I froze, my eyes trying to search through the cracks. But I
couldn’t see anything.
Then a voice drifted down to the cellar where I sat. “Son, can you hear me?”
My body relaxed when I heard the sound of my mama. “Mama?” I whispered
and I heard her sob.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?”
“It hurts,” I whispered, and held up my arm to the cracks in the floor, just in
case she could see. I could see the blood on my skin.
“I’m trying, Mama. I’m trying to get out the flames so Poppa won’t take me
back to church. I don’t like the snakes. The Pastor ties me down and they bite
me.”
Mama sniffed. “I know, baby. I know you don’t like them. I don’t either.”
I lowered my arm, and said, “Poppa says I’m a retard. I think… I think that’s
bad. Because he hurts me when he calls me it. But I don’t understand what one
is?”
My mama sobbed again. “Listen to me, baby. You’re not a retard. No matter
what anyone tells you, you’re not a retard. Okay?”
I nodded and dropped my arm. I pushed myself to my feet and tried to reach
the floorboards above. But I couldn’t. “Mama?” I asked. “Can you let me out?
It’s dark and cold, and I get scared down here on my own.” Mama kept sobbing,
but louder this time. My eyebrows pulled down. “Mama? Why are you crying?”
Mama didn’t say anything for a while, then I saw her fingers squeezing
through a wide crack in the floor. “Can you see my fingers, baby?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Touch my fingers, baby… let me touch your hand.”
I looked around and saw a bit of dirt sticking out of the wall. Moving over, I
put my foot on the ledge and lifted myself to touch her fingers. As soon as our
fingers touched I took a deep breath. I loved my mama. She was kind, and she
never called me names.
Mama cried louder and tightened her fingers around mine. “Mama? Can you
get me out now?”
“I can’t,” she cried. “Poppa’s locked you in and I don’t have the key.”
My heart sank. “Okay,” I whispered.
“Baby,” my mama called. My head looked up trying to see her, but I couldn’t.
Her voice had changed. I could tell.
“Yeah, mama?”
“I need… I need you to know that I love you. I love you so much, baby… but
I’m tired. I’m so tired.”
Mama’s fingers tightened on mine, and they were shaking. “Mama, why are
your hands shaking?” I asked.
Mama cried. She cried and cried, and she didn’t stop for such a long time.
Then she whispered, “I love you, baby, so much. You’re so special to me. Even if
you’re different, you’re my little boy. But…” She sucked in a breath. “But I
can’t stay. I can’t stay…”
My heart dropped in fear and I gripped her fingers tighter. “No, Mama. Don’t
leave me. Don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go.” But her fingers began pulling
away. “No!” I shouted, and tried to hold them tighter. But I couldn’t keep hold.
“Look after your brother, baby. Protect him and keep him safe,” she hushed
out, then her fingers disappeared.
“Mama!” I shouted, but my foot slipped on the dirt ledge and I fell to the hard
ground. Mama’s footsteps moved away from the hatch and I heard her say, “I
love you, baby. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
I lifted my knees to my chest and began rocking. Then the house went silent.
And I cried. I cried because she’d left me. She touched me, then she left.
Left me here with him…
Opening my eyes, I put my hand on Maddie’s face, and blurted, “She was on
the bed. She never left the house like I thought. I heard my poppa screaming
from their bedroom when he got home. Then he came to the hatch and dragged
me out. He didn’t say anything, just dragged me into their bedroom. And there
she was, covered in blood, lying still on the bed.” I moved my hands and pointed
to my wrists. “Blood was coming from her wrists. And there was a knife on the
bed, at her side. A long sharp knife.”
“Oh no, Flame…”
“And my baby brother was in his crib at Mama’s side, screaming at the top of
his lungs. My poppa was pacing, his hands clutching his head. But I couldn’t
stop looking at my mama, on the bed. I couldn’t stop looking at the blood… then
I saw her eyes. They looked strange. They were staring right at me, but there
was no life. It made me feel so sad. I remember my chest tightening and my
hands beginning to shake, because of the blood, because she wasn’t moving, and
because of her eyes.
“A noise came out of my throat the more I stared at her pale face. When I made
the noise, my poppa turned round. His face went red and he pointed at my face,
‘This is your fault you evil little retard. You made her do this. The evil in your
veins made her do this. You’re a curse, a curse on this motherfucking family!’
“I didn’t know how I’d done it, but then I remembered I’d touched her. My
poppa hadn’t allowed me touch anyone. I was too frightened to touch anyone, in
case I hurt them, but I’d held my mama’s fingers. And I knew my touch had
killed her.
“Then he came at me, came at me and took me by the collar. He dragged me
across the living room, hurting my neck, until we reached the hatch. He lifted the
handle, and when I looked down all I could see was the darkness. I shook my
head, because I didn’t want to go inside, again. I was scared of the dark, and I
wanted to be with my mama and baby brother in the other room. I didn’t want
my mama to be gone. I wanted her back. Because she was the only person who
ever smiled at me. And I didn’t want to not see her smile again. I didn’t want to
be left alone with my poppa. Because he hated me.”
Maddie leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my jaw. But I couldn’t stop, I
needed her to know the rest. I needed her to know it all.
“He threw me in, again, Maddie. He threw me into the cellar and slammed the
hatch shut. I screamed for him to let me out, but he didn’t come back for me. He
left me there, alone. It was so cold, but he left me there, again.”
“For how long?” Maddie’s voice was shaking. I shook my head.
“I don’t know. But I was hungry and tired and cold. I could hear my baby
brother screaming all the time. And I could hear my poppa screaming back at
him, ordering him to shut up. I rocked back and forth, trying to block out the
screaming, trying to get warm. Then the door opened. I scurried to the side of the
small cellar, the bright light hurt my eyes. My poppa jumped down. I could
smell alcohol on his breath, and in his hand he held the knife that I’d seen on my
mama’s bed. The one she’d cut her arms with.”
“Flame, you do not have to keep going,” Maddie said softly. When I looked at
her face, tears flooded down her cheeks.
“I have to,” I croaked in response, and I lifted Maddie's hand to the side of my
head. “I want you to understand me. All of me.” I tapped my head. “In here.”
“Flame,” she cried, but I kept going. I had to.
Even now, when I shut my eyes, I could smell the alcohol on my poppa’s
breath. My muscles tensed, but I had to continue. “I tried to hide in the corner,
but my poppa reached out and pulled me up to stand. He pushed me against the
wall and used the knife to slice off my clothes. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t
stand the sound of screaming. So I kept my mouth shut. And then I felt it. The
knife blade slicing down my back, the pain making my legs shake. And my
poppa began to count, ‘One…’ He counted every slice he made. And I felt the
pain, but I didn’t scream. I couldn’t bear the screaming. But my poppa just got
angrier, and he kept slicing. Kept counting until he reached eleven. He always
stopped at eleven, he never got to twelve. The count never reached twelve.
“Then he stepped back and I thought he’d finished. Thought he’d finished
trying to get the flames out. But then I heard the zipper on his jeans pull down,
and I felt the heat of his chest at my back.”
I wrapped my arms around Maddie, trying not to go back there. Trying not to
feel his hot alcohol breath on my face. His hands on my hips.
“I have you, Flame,” Maddie whispered, “I have you. You are not there with
him.”
“Maddie,” I groaned, trying to hold on tight. But I needed to tell her. I needed
to keep going.
“He spread my legs apart and used his finger first. I held back my scream, but
it just seemed to make him angrier. ‘I’m gonna take the devil right from your
tainted sinful flesh.’ And he did, because after his finger, he fully took me. He
took me over and over, again and again. He came back night after night. He
would slice my back with the blade, always counting to eleven. I never knew
why he counted to eleven. Then he would fuck me. Fuck me until I couldn’t
walk, then he’d leave me in the dark, naked and cold on the dirt; alone in the
darkness.”
Maddie released a sob. “My God, Flame. I am sorry… I am so sorry…” But I
wasn’t finished, my arms tightening so hard around her small body that Maddie
gasped and looked up. “What is it Flame? What else could there be to tell?”
“My brother,” I whispered, feeling white hot pain rip through my body, “My
baby brother, Isaiah.”
I began to tell her the worst part of all; about all of the evil. It was all too real,
in my head. So fucking real, it felt like I was right back there. Right back when I
was eight years old, and everything fucking changed. Right back to the fucking
darkness, and I relived every minute…
I could hear him screaming again. He’d been crying for days. Something was
wrong. It had to be wrong. But Poppa wouldn’t take him to the doctor, he didn’t
believe in doctors. He said that the Lord would heal us if our souls were pure
enough to be saved. But my brother wouldn’t stop screaming. I’d been listening
to him scream for days as I sat in the hole, in complete darkness.
My body tensed when I heard the front door slamming open and my poppa’s
heavy footsteps pounding across the floor. I could hear the rattling of bottles and
I knew he’d been out to get more drink. My legs pressed together when I knew
what that meant for me. It meant he’d be coming for me again tonight, or today,
or whatever time it was.
I winced when I heard my baby brother crying again. Then I heard a crash and
my poppa screamed, “Shut the fuck up! Shut. The. Fuck. Up!”
But my brother cried even louder, more and more.
Lifting my hands to my ears, I began to rock; counting to eleven as I rocked
back and forth. Back and forth.
A light switched on upstairs, the painful brightness creeping through the small
cracks in the door. When the light shone on my naked stomach, I looked down
and frowned. I could see my ribs. My stomach had gone in, and my fingers
looked small and thin.
I jumped as my brother cried again. I heard my poppa shout out, “I’m done
with the two of you, ruining my fucking life. The retard and the one that won’t
stop fucking screaming!”
My heart began to race as my brother’s crying got closer. My poppa’s
footsteps came closer and closer, then the lock of the door above me opened, and
I scurried to the side of my cell.
My nails scratched at the skin over my veins, just as my poppa jumped down
into the dirt.
The light from upstairs flooded into my small cell, and when I looked up, I
moaned. My screaming brother was in my poppa’s arms. Isaiah was bright red,
and sweat covered his body. My poppa had a knife in his hand. When I met his
eyes, he bent down and threw the knife at my feet.
It was the knife my mama had used on her wrists.
I stared at the knife, wondering what he wanted me to do. Walking forward, he
put my brother down next to me. I stared at Isaiah and pressed myself further
into the exposed dirt wall. I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t touch him. I would
hurt him, like I did Mama.
My poppa stood up and looked down. “You killed your mother, now you look
after this screaming little cunt too. I’m done with you both.”
I panicked as he began to move away. “No, don’t leave,” I pleaded. I held up
my arms for him to see the scratches and blood that I’d drawn. “I’ll try harder
to remove the flames. I’ll try harder… I… I love you,” I whispered, and pushed
my bleeding wrists out further.
But my poppa didn’t reply and he climbed out of the door, so drunk he almost
fell. He drank more and more since mama died. “You two being born was the
worst thing that ever happened to me. I could never love you. No one could ever
love a sinner like you.” Then the door shut, trapping me and my baby brother
inside. And then he started to cry. And then he started screaming. The noise from
his screaming hurt my ears. But he didn’t stop. He never stopped crying.
Hours and hours passed and he didn’t stop. The light was still on upstairs, but
I hadn’t heard my poppa since he left us down here. I was hungry, I was thirsty,
but he never came back.
And Isaiah got worse.
When I leaned over, he was looking at me, but his breathing had changed. It
was deep and slow, but his dark eyes, eyes like mine, were looking up at me, his
thin arms reaching out.
My stomach ached as I said, “I can’t touch you… I’ll hurt you…” But he kept
on crying. He kept on screaming until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
My hand fisted into balls as I fought the flames inside. As I prayed to God that
they didn’t hurt him. But my poppa had been gone so long that I didn’t think he
was coming back. Then Isaiah’s breathing became shallower, but I could still
see him looking up at me. And I had to hold him. He was scared and hurt… like
me.
I had to hold him.
Holding my breath, I let out a scream and reached forward, picking him up in
my hands, then I cradled him in my arms.
But his skin wasn’t hot now. My baby brother was freezing cold. His eyes were
strange—glazed over. But he kept looking at me, and I began to rock, like Mama
used to do. And I sang, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, just like my mama used to
do. It hurt my throat to sing. I was so thirsty, but I sang to make Isaiah feel
better.
I wanted him to feel better.
 “Twinkle twinkle little star… how I wonder what you are… up above the world
so high… like a diamond in the sky…
But it didn’t help.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered when I stopped singing, and heard a
crackle in his little skinny chest. But Mama had asked me to look after him, to
protect him.
So I began to count. I counted his breathing, and all the time I never looked
away from his tiny face. “One,” I whispered, as he took in a slow deep breath,
“two,” I continued, hugging him closer to my chest. “Three,” I counted, but his
breaths were slowing, “four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…” I noticed that
Isaiah’s arms had dropped, his skin was ice-cold, but his eyes were still open
and looking at me. Then I waited for him to breathe again. I counted,
“eleven…” and I waited. And I waited some more. But nothing was happening.
My body started to shake. Isaiah’s dark eyes were unmoving, his body was too
still.
I moved my arms, trying to get him to breathe. But he didn’t move. “Twelve,” I
whispered, desperate for him to reach twelve. My arms began to twitch. But
Isaiah didn’t move. I started to rock back and forth like I’d seen my mama do
with him when he was in her arms. “Twelve… please… get to twelve…” But
when I moved, his thin arms fell to his side. His head tipped back, eyes still wide,
but he no longer stared at me.
Isaiah had gone… just like Mama...
He’d left me too.
I’d hurt him… I’d made him leave me too…
I snapped my head round, and my eyes were blurred remembering little Isaiah.
I blinked away the water in my eyes. Suddenly, Maddie’s crying face was in
front of mine, her arms cradling my head. “My touch killed him, Maddie,” I
confessed in a whisper, and wrapped my arms around her.
“Shh…” Maddie said brokenly, as she rocked my head in her hold. “You did
no such thing. It was your father. He left you there to die. Your brother was ill
and he left him with you. With no medical help. You did not kill him, Flame.
Your touch did not harm your brother or your mama. It was your father’s
neglect.”
Maddie leaned back. “But he didn’t reach twelve. Eleven. It was always
eleven. Eleven slices on my back, and then eleven breaths from Isaiah. Why is it
always eleven? Why did he always count in fucking eleven’s? I can never get the
number eleven from my head. Everything’s eleven.”
Maddie held me close, then said, “I do not know.” I dropped my head, and
Maddie said, “It was such a beautiful name. Isaiah.”
I inhaled a breath. “My name was Josiah,” I confided, for the very first time in
my life. “Josiah William Cade.”
Looking up, I watched a tear roll down Maddie’s cheek. Her fingers stroked
down my beard and her lips parted. “Josiah William Cade,” she whispered and
she leaned in to press a kiss to my lips.
“I hate that name, Josiah,” I spat.
Maddie nodded her head. “I understand, as I too hate my name, Magdalene. I
am glad you shared your birth name with me. I am happy you shared it all.
Because now, Flame, we know all there is to know about one another.
Everything. All is bared.”
Feeling drained, I laid my head back, bringing Maddie to my chest. The room
was filled with silence. I tried to block out the memories again. But I couldn’t.
They wouldn’t go. Then as my eyes closed, I felt Maddie kiss my chest. She
whispered, “I love you, Flame.”
I sucked in a breath, and squeezed my eyes shut, the images disappearing. I
held her closer, unclenched my jaw, and whispered, “I… Maddie... I love you
too…”



 Chapter Twenty-Four

Maddie

When morning broke the next day, the light filtered through the thin curtains at
the window. I blinked open my eyes, and I instantly felt warm. Two large arms
were holding me tightly and my cheek was flush against the warmest of skin.
And I smiled.
And my heart swelled.
Flame. I was sleeping beside Flame. And better still, he was sleeping with me.
He was sleeping… in a bed, as he deserved. I closed my eyes, listening to his
rhythmic slow breathing, and I felt content.
I lay, staring at the light filtering into the bedroom, and thought back to last
night. To everything. Prophet Cain freeing us, seeing Flame arriving to take me
home, his kiss on the bike, then making love, Flame stopping, but both of us
finding a way to push on through. My stomach dropped when I recalled him
explaining about his brother, his mother, and that awful man he had for a father.
It was no wonder he deeply believed his touch could hurt. His mama had taken
her own life, probably due to his father’s ill treatment, and his brother had died
through neglect. Being told he was evil was all he had ever been told. And he
was so much more. So much more than he believed himself to be.
I thought of that first day he woke in this cabin. Believing someone was behind
me, preparing to hurt me. And Flame had distracted him, to save me. Distracted
him by staggering weakly to the hatch he had built into his floor, where he had
proceeded to pleasure himself and cut himself at the same time. Though there
was no pleasure in this act. And I now knew he relived his father taking him
each and every night, administering the slices to his body in his father’s stead.
He had grown up believing that his release must be brought through pain. His
release—just another expulsion of the evil living within his body.
And the number eleven. Always eleven times. His life was measured in sets of
eleven. Flame forever relived the slices from his father’s blade, and the last
eleven breaths of his baby brother’s short tragic life.
My arms around his waist instinctively held him closer. Woken from my touch,
I felt Flame move underneath me, his chest stilling as his hands frantically felt
along my back. He was making sure I was really here.
I lifted my head, only to be met with the intense dark eyes I adored so much.
“Morning,” I greeted, feeling a blush rush to my cheeks. Flame’s eyes ran over
my naked body and he shifted in his position.
“Maddie,” he replied. I slowly crawled up his body to reach his mouth. Making
sure my kiss was welcome, and reading in his slightly parted lips that it was, I
bent down and timidly pressed my lips against his.
It felt just as precious as it had the night before, the same swarm of butterflies
accosting my stomach, as I had felt the first time we kissed. I broke away, and
stroking his hair, asked, “Are you okay?”
Flame’s eyes kept dipping to my mouth and he nodded his head. “Yeah.”
A smile tugged on my mouth and I asked, “And did you sleep?”
Flame breathed out a relieved breath, and replied, “Yeah. I always do when
you’re here.”
“Then you shall always sleep,” I hushed out quietly. I felt Flame groan, as his
erect length pressed against my thigh. My heart fluttered, and I ached for his
touch.
“Flame?” I asked quietly and watched his hand on mine. “Will you bathe with
me?”
Flame’s nostrils flared, accompanied by a single sharp nod. I freed myself from
his arms and slid off the bed. As the cool breeze wrapped around me, I suddenly
felt very naked. I covered my chest with my arms, but Flame’s hand pulled them
down. “Don’t,” he ordered, and I blushed anew.
Feeling Flame’s eyes watch me walk into the living room, I headed straight for
the bathroom and began running the faucet. The steam from the warm water
misted up the room. Absentmindedly, I leaned against the sink as I waited for the
tub to fill. Flame appeared at the entrance to the bathroom. His large inked body
was naked, and heavy muscles moved with his every step.
The wind escaped my lungs as his gaze targeted mine. And that familiar warm
needing sensation built between my legs. Flame entered the room and stood right
before me. His hand lifted and pushed back my hair from my face. He held a
strand between his fingers. “I’ve always liked your hair.”
I smiled. I reached up and traced the skin under his eyes. “And I have always
liked your eyes.” Flame expelled a quick breath through his nose. Stepping
closer still, I said, “And now I love them… just like I love you.”
Flame’s hand stilled in my hair and his eyes closed, like he was desperate to
hear that confession from my lips. Heart melting, I reached up and took his hand
in mine. Flame’s eyes opened and I led him to the now full bath, and turned off
the faucet.
Guiding him round me, I gestured for Flame to get into the tub first. He
climbed in, dwarfing the large tub, then held out his hand for me to follow. I did
not hesitate. Placing my hand within his, I climbed in. Flame immediately pulled
me into his arms and sighed heavily, in happiness.
We sat in silence for minutes, relishing the soothing water, then I reached for
the soap and lathered it in my hands. Turning round, I asked, “May I care for
you?”
Flame nodded his head, and placing my hands on his scarred tattooed skin, I
began to wash him, showing with my touch how much he meant to me. I soaped
over his arms and across his chest. The entire time I did so, his eyes never
moved from mine. Then as my hands moved down his hard stomach, he caught
my wrist. I looked up in panic, but the soft expression on his face quickly
assuaged any worry. I waited for him to speak, then he finally rasped, “No one
has ever cared for me like this before.”
My heart cracked, because as much as my life had been difficult, and as much
as I had shunned their affection, I had my sisters. But for Flame… there was no
one.
Leaning in, until my breasts pressed against his hard chest, I said, “That is in
the past. Because I will care for you every day for the rest of our lives. You are
my Flame. I will treasure you always. More than you will ever know.”
Flame’s eyes flared, and with firm hands in my hair, he brought my mouth
down to his. The kiss started off sweet and shy, but it was not long before an
incredible heat built between us. Flame’s hands left the safety of my face and
drifted down across my back, over my hips, to land on my thighs. I could feel his
hard length pressing against me as he rolled. When a long groan left his mouth, I
let him guide my legs to either side of hips. Breaking my mouth from Flame’s on
a breathy moan, I pressed my forehead to his, my trembling hands flush to his
cheeks.
“Do it, Flame. I want to feel you inside of me again. I need to feel you inside.”
Flame’s face flashed with apprehension. “Just focus on me, Flame. No pain is
needed. No fear. Just us, remember?”
Flame groaned and then shifted, one hand holding my waist. When I felt him at
my entrance, he stilled, muscles tensed. I watched as his eyes squeezed shut,
reliving whatever picture was holding him back. But I lowered down. Flame’s
eyes snapped open as he filled me so impossibly full.
“Maddie,” he groaned as he filled me to the hilt. I sat above him, my hands
holding his face, and his arms holding my waist.
We both breathed.
Then I felt it. The peace and love that Lilah told me she had experienced with
Ky. And I knew nothing this precious could be wrong. I knew that nobody as
caring and as loving as Flame could be a sinner. No flames ran in his blood. Just
love for me, and that was enough, always enough.
Lifting my hips, I began to move. The beautiful sensation of him inside me
ignited my soul. Flame began to meet my movements with his own, the pained-
with-pleasure expression on his face making me burn for his touch more.
Moving my lips to his, I melded our mouths; Flame’s warm tongue
immediately pushed inside. And it went on from there. Our bodies moving in
perfect unison, Flame’s mouth owning me.
And before too long, tension built at the base of my spine. Flame’s mouth
ripped from mine. He expelled a long moan, his warm seed heating me inside as
a blinding light splintered me apart. I held onto his neck, worried I would float
away if I lost his hold.
Fluttering my eyes open, I fell to his chest and breathed in the fresh scent of his
skin. Flame’s hand immediately came around me, pulling me close. I felt him
relax as he whispered, “I love you.”
Smiling into his chest, I replied, “And I you, Flame.”
Flame sighed and murmured, “Mine.”
And I smiled even more.
Minutes passed as we lay in the aftermath. Then something I had been thinking
of came to mind. My finger traced the tattoo on Flame’s chest, when I asked,
“Flame?”
“Mmm?” he replied as his hands lazily combed through my hair.
“What happened next?”
 Flame stilled and I knew his silence meant he did not understand my question.
Tilting my head up to look up to his face, I asked, “After your father left you,
and… and your brother died… what happened next?”
Flame’s eyes narrowed. I knew he was trying to remember. “It’s not real clear,
but someone came and found us. I think we’d been in that dirt hole a while. And
I remember it was someone we knew, but I’m not sure who, my mind is real
foggy about that day. They took my brother out of my arms. I remember trying
to keep hold of him, because I didn’t want to lose him, but I had no strength to
fight. Then they put me in a car. We drove for a long time, but I was too tired
and hungry to remember much of the journey.”
My eyes closed imagining him holding onto his brother’s corpse, refusing to let
go. And Lord only knows the state they were in. What state his little brother
would have been in, held in Flame’s thin weak arms.
Flame’s hand began stroking my hair faster. Instantly, I knew something was
hurting him. I knew he stroked my hair when he needed strength.
“They took me to a big building. It was dark and they left me at the door. I
think I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up I was in a bed I didn’t
recognize. A man came in and tried to talk to me. But he laid his hand on my
arm and I screamed. I pushed him off and told him about the flames. I told him
about the evil in my blood and scratched my wrist to show him I was trying to
get them out.” Flame’s eyes had lost focus, completely immersed in his memory.
“But he didn’t understand me. I couldn’t make him understand what was wrong.
Just like with everybody else, I always said something wrong. Something that
made them scared or upset or angry.”
“Flame,” I whispered, but he was still there, inside his head. “They took me
somewhere new. A hospital, I think? But I didn’t like it there. They injected me
with drugs that made me numb, because I would try to get to the flames. Then I
couldn’t feel the flames, but I knew they were there. They tied me down so I
couldn’t release the flames. I spent all day, every day, for years and years,
burning from inside. I hate fucking being tied down.”
Flame’s gaze moved to meet mine and he explained, “The flames hurt all of the
time. They wouldn’t let me release them. They left me alone in a room, tied to a
bed, letting the flames burn me alive.”
“Then how did you get free?” I asked. In my mind's eye I pictured Flame, in
the bed weeks ago, seeing him thrashing around trying to get free. And then the
look on his face when I sliced him with his blade. Because he had been laying,
feeling the flames burn him alive.
“They moved somebody in my room with me. People would come and visit
him. And there was this one guy that always came over to me. The doctors had
injected me with the numbing drugs, but I always remembered his face. He had
dark hair and always wore leather. I could always smell the leather.” Flame took
in a deep breath, and I could hear his heart racing in his chest. “Then one night,
the guy in leather broke in and freed the other man sharing the room with me. I
heard him opening the window in our room and I heard them leave. But then I
felt someone untying me and, when I managed to look down, I’d been freed
from the bed. And the window was still open.”
My body was tense as I listened to his story, and I pushed, “Then what? What
happened next? Who was the man who freed you?”
Flame’s finger ran down my cheek and he said, “What happened next is not
real clear because of the drugs, but I remember climbing out of the window and
running. I don’t know how long I ran for, but I ended up in an alley because I
needed to sleep. But when I woke up, I had nowhere else to go. But I had my
knife. The knife I’d managed to hide all those years, the one I would strap under
the mattress. The knife my poppa used on my back every night.
“I was cutting my arms when I heard footsteps approaching. I’d tensed,
gripping my blade in my hands. When I looked up, it was the guy that had freed
me. Him and a bigger guy with long red hair. They were both dressed in leather,
the devil painted on their backs.”
My eyes widened and I whispered, “Viking… the long red hair? Was it
Viking?”
Flame nodded and added, “And AK. AK was the one who freed me. The man
in the other bed had been his older brother. They were all Hangmen.”
“And he found you again. He came back for you?”
Flame nodded. “Yeah. I was seventeen.” His gaze fixed on mine and he said, “I
was seventeen… seventeen, when I embraced the darkness. Seventeen when I
fucking became Flame. Styx’s old man gave me the name because I told him I
cut my arms to release them from my body. He never asked anything more. He
just accepted me.”
“Flame,” I murmured, kissing along an orange flame tattoo on his chest. But as
I did, I asked curiously, “How did you get all of these tattoos and piercings if
you cannot be touched?”
 “I wanted them so people wouldn’t come near me. So they could see on the
outside, what lived inside.” Flame tensed, and he added, “And they were painful.
Tank did them. Did them all over my body for three days nonstop. Viking and
AK kept me knocked the fuck out. Then when I woke up, I was this me. I was
Flame. No longer Josiah William Cade.”
I stared at the tattoos and I understood. They kept people away. So they
wouldn’t touch him. They made people stay away before they chose to stay
away.
Every new word from his mouth seemed to gut me.
“Flame…” I whispered and pressed a final kiss to his skin. Then I asked, “And
what happened after AK and Viking found you?”
“AK brought me to Styx’s old man, the Prez at the time, and they took me in.
They didn’t fucking care that I cut myself. They didn’t fucking care that I was
different. They just took me the fuck in. And I never left.”
“And AK and Viking…?”
“Are my brothers. They… understand me. They know how to talk to me. They
saved me. They fucking saved me. I owe them everything. Even when AK went
on tour with the forces, he always kept in touch with me. Checked in on me as
much as he could.”
A lump built in my throat and moving up Flame’s body, I pressed my lips to
his. Suddenly, the sound of voices erupted outside. It was laughter. It was
happiness, and brotherhood. And it was Flame’s family. Which made them my
family too.
“They are loud,” I remarked, smiling.
Flame nodded his head, and my heart swelled when I saw his lip twitch with
affection. “They always are. Especially Viking. Ky hits him a lot to get him to
shut the fuck up. It never works for long.”
Then, surprising me, laughter erupted from my chest. Flame stopped breathing,
then he sat up and crushed me to his chest. Yelping in surprise, I held his head in
my hands and asked, “Are you okay?”
Flame nodded against my chest and said, “I like you laughing.”
I sighed and whispered, “And I just love you in any fashion.”
Flame held me tighter still.

 *****

I walked out of the bedroom, dressed in my long white dress with my hair
pulled back. I saw Flame sitting against the wall, next to the fire, with his blade
in hand. He was staring at the hatch in the floor at the back of the room. He was
dressed once more in his leather pants, black boots and only his cut. He looked
so handsome I thought my heart might burst.
Another round of raucous of laughter erupted outside. Flame lifted his head. I
held up my hand, trying not to show my concern. My concern that he had been
staring at that door.
Flame got to his feet and approached. Without hesitation, his hand slotted into
mine. “You really want to go outside?” he asked, and I nodded my head.
“I have stayed indoors for far too long. I feel safe with you by my side and they
are your friends. Your brothers.”
Flame led us to the door. As we entered the clearing in front of the three
cabins, I noticed that the entire club was there, including Mae and Lilah, with
Styx and Ky.
They were all drinking and eating food from the grill, when Viking suddenly
looked up. “Flame!” he called, and he winked at me. “Little One.”
Everyone went quiet again, and feeling the embarrassment of their attention, I
curled into Flame’s side, his large strong arm coming around my shoulder to
hold me close. I instantly felt safe.
Flame began walking us forward. The closer we got, the more the voices
returned to their previous state.
“Maddie?” Looking up I saw Mae and Lilah sitting with Beauty and Letti. I
waved. Flame glanced down and asked, “You hungry?”
I nodded against his chest and said, “I shall wait with Mae and Lilah.”
Flame’s arm seemed to tighten as though he was reluctant to let go, until
Viking called his name. “Flame, put down your bitch for a fucking hot minute
and come get your crazy ass some steak! You’ve fucking lost weight, and I don’t
want the fucking responsibility of being the biggest meanest fucker in this club.”
“Don’t fucking worry, Vike. Tanner’s got that shit down anyway,” Tank said in
reply. Viking began ripping off his shirt.
“We fucking doing this again, brother? I swear you keep saying this shit just to
get me to strip. You getting hot for my pale ass? Beauty not giving you what you
need?”
The brothers all started to laugh, and Flame reluctantly let go of me to walk to
the grill. I turned to join Mae and Lilah, when I caught sight of AK leaving his
cabin to my right. So overcome with gratitude for this man, I hurried to where he
was walking, blushing as his face broke out in a smile. “Hey, Madds—”
I cut off his greeting by wrapping my arms around his waist. AK stilled.
Unable to bear his touch for long, I stepped back, and with lowered eyes, said,
“Thank you.”
AK crouched down, his face wearing an expression of confusion. “For what?”
I sensed the silent expectation from behind us. Edging forward I whispered,
“For saving him. For giving him a family… for saving him so that someday he
could save me.”
AK’s eyes widened and he swallowed. “He told you?” he asked, clearly taken
aback.
I nodded my head. “He told me everything.”
AK ran his hand through his hair. “Fuck,” he exclaimed.
“He is… he is fortunate to have you in his life,” I added, then quickly turned
away.
Suddenly, AK’s hand grabbed my arm. When my eyes shot to his, he pushed,
“Is he good now, Madds? Is he fucking out of whatever hell he was in?”
Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw Flame watching AK’s hand on my arm.
His fists were at his side, but he had not moved.
Stepping back, AK’s hand dropped away. “Almost, I believe,” I assured. Just
as I gave my reply, the image of Flame sitting, staring at that hatch, with that
particular blade wandered idly across my mind.
“Shit. That brother deserves to be rid of his past. Once and for fucking all.” AK
smirked and remarked, “At least he’s got you now, Madds. At least he’s finally
fucking got you.”
With that, AK joined his brothers. I saw Flame stepping forward to come to
me, but I held out my hand and shook my head. “I am okay,” I mouthed. Flame
stopped dead.
“Maddie?” I followed the sound of the voice, and approaching were Mae and
Lilah. Mae gestured to a patch of grass away from everyone else and I sat down,
Mae and Lilah joining me.
Mae glanced over her shoulder to Flame, then faced me again, smiling. “You
are not returning to my home, are you?”
Blushing, I shook my head.
Lilah’s hand found mine. “I am really happy for you, Maddie. You deserve to
be this happy.”
Tears pricked my eyes and I said, “I am.” And I looked up, my bottom lip
quivering. “I am so very happy. And so is Flame.” Mae and Lilah shared my
tears. Laughing with joy, I leaned over and gently placed my hand on Mae’s
stomach. “Especially now that I am to become an aunt.”
“Aunt Maddie,” Mae whispered and she lifted my hand to her mouth, which
she proceeded to kiss.
Then Mae asked, “Was he gentle with you, Maddie? I know it is not my
business, but I do know you. I know you will not talk about it. But I just… I just
have to know that he was kind.”
My heart stuttered at her question, but lifting my eyes I nodded, and whispered,
“Yes. He was perfect.”
Mae’s tears hit the leather of her pants and she replied, “That is good, sister.
That is so very good.”
I looked to Mae, then Lilah, and my heart felt so happy that I now knew love. I
lifted my head to the sky and closed my eyes, sending a wish to God that my
Bella was happy too. Finally, happy that the sisters she had fought so hard to
save, had all found true love.
Love, of the perfect kind.



 Chapter Twenty-Five

Flame
Three days later…

Waking, I found it was still dark outside. I reached for Maddie. Panicked at
finding that she wasn’t by my side, I jumped out of our bed. My cold feet hit the
floor and I immediately ran into the living room. Then my heart dropped.
Maddie was sitting over the hatch in the floor, that fucking hatch, holding that
fucking blade.
“No!” I boomed out and rushed over. Maddie looked up at the sound of my
voice. Instantly, she scurried off the door, her back hitting the wall. Then, for the
first time in three days, I felt the flames awaken under my skin. The flames that
hadn’t stirred once began to move.
And I began to pace, the need to get my blade taking hold. Then—
“Flame?” Maddie’s soft voice stopped me in my tracks. I fought to breathe, to
calm down. I looked down to where she sat. Instead she was on her feet. And she
was holding that fucking blade in her hand.
And for some reason, the thought of her holding that fucking blade in her hand
inflamed my blood. Because it was his. And all it did was hurt. It was my
fucking curse.
“Give me the knife,” I snapped, but Maddie stepped back, taking the knife with
her. “Maddie—”
“Have you ever been back?” Maddie questioned, shutting me down.
I frowned. Maddie drew in a deep breath and stepped closer. “Have you ever
been back to the house where you grew up?”
The air left my lungs at the mention of that fucking house. My hands fisted at
my sides and I shook my head.
Maddie stepped even closer. “Do you know where your father went to? Do you
know what happened to him?”
I flinched as the thought of my poppa pierced my mind. I shook my head. “No.
I have no fucking idea what happened to that cunt,” I snarled. Then Maddie
lifted the blade and held it out for me to take.
Maddie walked back into the bedroom and I watched her go. I looked down at
the rusted old blade in my hand. All the feelings, about being trapped in that
fucking hellhole, rushed back. I looked across at the hatch. The hatch installed
when the cabin was built. The door that reminded me I was evil. A place to leach
away the flames.
A place where he could continue to take me…
I suddenly felt sick.
Dropping the knife to the floor, I staggered back into the bedroom, to find
Maddie on the bed. She was sitting down, naked, with her arms wrapped around
bent legs. She was crying.
“Maddie,” I whispered as I inched forward.
She lifted her head and spoke. “In my life I had two things that I used to pray
for. Two things that I imagined, if I could just obtain, I would be set free.”
Maddie wiped at her cheeks. “I wanted Moses to die. I wanted to stand above
him and know he was dead. And I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to feel safe in
my heart. I wanted to know that I would never again be hurt.” She sniffed.
Looking me dead in the eye, she emphasized, “And you gave me both. In fact,
you gave me more than I wished for. Because you also gave me you. I fell in
love with you. And I can touch you. I can make love to you, and I know
completely, that I will not be hurt.”
My stomach turned and my chest tightened. Then she said, “You are living in a
world where you do not know if your torturer is alive or dead. You lived in a
house which echoes the methods under which you suffered.” She lifted her head
and asked, “Of course your fractured soul cannot be fully… fully… unfractured.
Because you are living with uncertainty, you are not truly free.”
Hating to see her crying, I hesitantly moved closer, and whispered, “Maddie.”
I could hear my deep voice break in my ears. Maddie lowered her bent legs and
opened her arms. “Come to me,” she hushed out. I rushed to the bed and lay
beside her, crushing her to my chest.
I held her as she cried in my arms. But all I could think about was what she’d
said. I never knew what happened to my poppa. I never knew what happened to
him after I left. What happened to our house? What happened to Isaiah’s body?
I then thought of the hatch in my living room. The one I’d never had the
courage to open or step inside. But the one I kept to remind me of what I was—
wrong. Evil. That I was darkness. That I was motherfucking death.
Even after I left that house, then the hospital, he would still take me, he would
fuck the sin from my flesh, in my head… until Maddie. Because she made it all
better. No getting fucked over the hatch by my poppa. No church. No snakes. No
screaming… no pain…
Holding Maddie tighter, she eventually fell to sleep. But I couldn’t. All I saw in
my mind was darkness: Isaiah dying in my arms, my mama gripping my fingers
through the floorboards, then bleeding out on that bed, blade at her side, my
poppa’s whiskey-breath rippling down my neck.
And my muscles tensed, my blood ran hot and I thought one thought …
… that motherfucker deserved to die...
Die by my hand, with my motherfucking blades...

 *****

“Two more buyers down. That means the Klan are flexing their fucking
muscles. We’re hanging back to see what their next move is, but if it continues,
then a war will be coming, whether Rider’s backed the fuck off the women or
not.”
I watched Styx sign, and heard Ky translate, “Tanner, you got anymore intel?”
Tanner shook his head. “They’re laying low on tech. But their new guy didn’t
manage to hide all their accounts. And there’s a shit ton of money coming from a
private offshore account. Israeli.” Tanner shrugged. “Gotta be that cult. And
they’re pumping some serious arms to U.S. soil.”
My body tensed at the mention of that fucked up cult. Styx glanced to Ky. I
could see the brothers’ rage in their faces too.
Then they both looked to me.
Because now, I too had a cult bitch. I had Maddie. I had just as much revenge
in my blood for that fucked up pedo ring as the Prez and VP.
“We’ll keep watching our turf. But the game’s now changed. Landry and
Governor Ayers have reach. They have half the feds on their books, we've half
on ours. Could be a fucking interesting ride ahead.”
The brothers all nodded their heads. Then Styx signed. “Any other business?”
Feeling my skin twitch, I flicked my chin. “Gotta take a week, maybe more,
Prez. Got business outta state I gotta take care of.”
I kept my eyes glued to Styx, but I could feel all the other brothers watching
me. I’d never left the compound unless it was on Hangmen business the whole
time I’d been here. This was a fucking first.
Styx frowned, then signed, “Where?”
My teeth gritted, but I forced out, “West Virginia.”
Ky sat back in his chair. “And what the fuck do y’all wanna do out in the
Appalachians? Can’t think of one fucking thing that would attract me to that
fucking place.”
I turned to the VP, and said, “My old man.”
Ky’s fucking pretty boy blue eyes widened, but nothing came out of his mouth.
In fact, as I looked around the table, I found that all of the brothers were staring
at me, mouths gaping.
Tank shifted on his seat. “You've got an old man, Flame?”
I blinked away the image of the cunt from my head, but answered, “Used to.”
Tank slowly nodded his head.
Styx sat forward and signed. “Maddie going with?”
My hands clenched on the table and I spat out, “Yeah.”
Styx looked to Ky, then signed, “She gonna be protected? You gonna be
spilling blood?”
“Maybe. Probably. Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” I replied. “But Maddie’s with me, by
my fucking side, on my fucking bike, sleeping by my fucking side. She’s my
bitch, I own her, and I decide what the fuck happens with her now, not you. That
tell you enough?”
Styx’s hard face didn’t change, then he threw up his hands and signed,
“Granted. You got all the time you fuckin’ need. Just don’t harm Madds. I ain’t
wanting my pregnant bitch upset because her sister’s been hurt in the middle of
your fuckin’ psycho rage. Yeah?”
I flicked my chin. Just as Styx went to lift the gavel, AK and Viking leaned
forward. AK threw up his hand and said, “Gonna be needing that time off too,
Prez.”
Styx replied, “Never fuckin’ thought otherwise.”
As Styx slammed the gavel down on the table, all the brothers filed out. But my
attention was on AK and Vike, who were waiting in their seats.
Vike tapped the table with his knuckles and said, “Didn’t think you’d be going
without us, did you? We’re the Psycho fucking Trio. You ain’t going nowhere
alone.”
“It’s a long fucking ride,” I replied.
“To your fucking past, it seems,” AK quickly added. I watched his brown eyes
narrow. “Your old man, Flame? West fucking Virginia? How the fuck you end
up in Texas, from West bumfuck nowhere?”
I stared at the table and said, “Specialists for my head were in Austin, I think. I
don’t know. It’s not real clear. Too many fucking drugs were in my veins. But
they sent me here sometime between eight and seventeen, clearly.”
 AK nodded, then asked another question. “So we gonna be slicing up your old
man? This that kinda run?”
My teeth gritted and I breathed through my nose. “Yeah,” was all I could
manage. “Of the worst fucking kind.”
Viking caught my eye and ran his hand down his beard. “He the reason for
the…” He pointed at the blade clutched in my hand, then to the scars on my arm.
I nodded my head and he sat back. “Then when the fuck do we go? I suddenly
have a huge fucking hard on for West Virginia.”
“Today,” I announced.
“And your little bitch...?” Vike asked.
“Is fucking coming with,” I growled.
AK shook his head. “That’s a hard road and a long fucking ride. And from
what I’m gathering, meeting Daddy Dearest ain’t gonna be a fucking picnic. You
okay with her timid ass seeing you like that? Seeing you in full fucking Flame
mode?”
I thought of Maddie and my chest swelled with pride. “She understands me.
She understands what I gotta do. She’s stronger than she looks. She can take it.”
My finger traced over a knot in the tabletop. “She knows who I am… both sides
of me. She’s plenty strong enough.”
AK shook his head and huffed out a laugh. “That she fucking is, brother. A
fucking pint-sized warrior.”
“Yeah, with perfect tits and ass. Fucking lottery win with that one, brother,”
Viking added, his eyebrows dancing. “Who’d have thought the fucked up
scarred one among us would get the hottest bitch? Life’s so fucking unfair.”
I dropped my head thinking of Maddie’s soft green eyes, and admitted, “I have
to have her with me, all the time. All the fucking time.” I pounded my fist over
my chest. “Can’t fucking breathe without her nearby. Need her to sleep with me.
Need her to keep the flames away.” I ran my nails over the scars on my arm.
“She ain’t ever leaving me again. For life, brothers. She’s mine for fucking life.”
“Fuck,” Viking whispered, “Psycho down.”
My head snapped up, but the cunt was actually smiling. AK got to his feet,
dragging Viking with him. “So, Flame, we off to the land of mountains and
broken dreams?”
Jumping to my feet, I hightailed it out of the clubhouse. My head twitching and
hands fisting all the way to my cabin.



 Chapter Twenty-Six

Maddie

“I feel strange,” I whispered as I looked at myself in the mirror.
“You look fucking hot, darlin’! Flame is gonna flip his shit when he sees you
all leathered up.”
I stared at the girl in the mirror. The girl wearing tight leather pants, a black
sweater and a snug leather jacket, complemented with black boots. My hair was
tied back in a French braid. I could not stop staring.
“Long fucking ride to West V, Madds. You need all the damn protection you
can get.” I turned to see Letti loafing on Mae’s sofa.
Beauty handed me a saddlebag filled with more leathers and clean clothes.
“Should be more than enough for you there, sweetie. I got you hooked up real
good.”
“Thank you,” I replied, and moved back to the opposite sofa where Lilah and
Mae were sitting. Lilah was smiling up at me, but I could detect concern in
Mae's frown.
“I will be fine, Mae,” I hushed. Mae got to her feet. She was pale with morning
sickness, but she forced a smile.
“I know you will. I just feel… you know. I guess I have always felt protective
of you, Maddie. And seeing you go off with Flame to the other side of the
country, fills me with too many nerves to control.”
My stomach tightened on seeing her worry, but with more emphasis I said, “I
have to go, Mae. He needs this. He needs this to move on. Just as we all have.
And I will do anything to make that happen. You would do it for Styx.” In turn, I
looked to Lilah, Beauty and Letti. “And you would do it for Ky, and Tank, and
Bull. Yes?”
All of them chorused, “Yes.”
Mae put her hands on my arms and I looked into her blue eyes. “Mae. You and
Bella always treated me more like a daughter than a sister. Which is strange,
because you are not much older than I.”
 Mae teared up, but managed to say, “It was because you were so young when
you were awakened. Moses was… he was…”
I gripped Mae’s hands in mine and said, “I know, sister. I know my lack of
affection, and my constant silence, gave you cause to worry.” I looked down and
tried to remember the girl I was, in the commune. My heart clenched and I
confessed, “And I know I was broken. I now know that.” A flutter of butterflies
filled my chest, but I managed to assert, “I am broken no more. I am strong…
strong with Flame by my side.”
Mae stared at me, then whispered, “I can see that, sister.”
Lilah joined us, and her blue eyes glimmered, “You were always strong,
Maddie. We always saw it. But now you do too.”
Lilah pressed a kiss to my cheek. Just then we heard sniffing behind us. We
turned as one to witness Beauty wiping her eyes. When she saw us staring, she
cast a look of incredulity. “What?” she asked, evidently exasperated. “Because
of you fuckers I’m gonna have to take in stocks of waterproof mascara. I never
fucking cried so much in my friggin’ life!”
Behind Beauty, Letti muttered, “Pussy”, earning a scowl from her best friend.
A knock sounded on the door and Lilah went to open it. I had just retrieved the
saddlebag from the floor, when Flame entered the room. As always, on seeing
his wide shoulders and naked torso, I forgot how to breathe. Flame’s expression
was always heated when he saw me. But this time, his gaze dropped slowly and
deliberately to roam over my body. His nostrils flared, hands fisting by his side.
For several long seconds he did not move. Shivers quickly built between my
thighs, and I uttered one precious whispered word, “Flame.”
The sound of his name escaping my lips was the encouragement he needed to
pound across the small space separating us, to stand right before me. I tilted my
head back to drink in his impressive height. His chest was working hard.
Flame’s hands slowly came down to rest gently upon my face. He slowly
lowered his head to carefully press his soft lips to mine. My eyes drifted to a
close on contact. I filled with light when the rumble of a groan reverberated
within his broad chest.
When Flame broke the kiss, his forehead gently kissed mine, and he rasped,
“You look… Shit, Maddie, you look beautiful.”
And the light within me blazed brighter.
Feeling a blush caress my cheeks, I placed my hand on his chest and
whispered, “Thank you.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Flame dropped his arms and clasped my hand in his.
“You ready?” he asked, and I nodded. Flame took the saddlebag from my hand
and we turned to leave.
Beauty was wiping away more tears, and with humor she muttered, “Yeah,
really need that fucking waterproof mascara.”
“I shall see you when I return,” I promised to Mae and Lilah. After they had
both pressed a kiss to my cheek, we left Mae’s house and walked toward our
cabin.
I could feel Flame continually looking at me. Every time he did so, his hand
squeezed mine. Fighting a smile that he found me so desirable in these clothes, I
asked, “Was Styx okay about us leaving?”
“Yeah,” Flame grunted. “AK and Viking are coming too. They wouldn’t stay
behind.”
I allowed that smile to escape; my face lit up on hearing this news. Leaning my
head to rest on his arm, I confirmed, “Of course not. They love you too.”
Flame’s arm tensed, then gradually relaxed.
As we broke through the line of trees, AK and Viking were waiting by their
bikes, both smoking. When we reached them, Viking sat up and withdrew the
cigarette from his mouth. “Fuck me, Little One…” he trailed off as he pointed
his finger at me from head to foot with his cigarette. “You, and fucking leather,
are a match made in cowhide heaven.”
Flame’s muscles went rigid at the comment, but before he could move forward,
AK grabbed Viking’s arm and reminded him, “Just because the brother ain’t
cutting shit outta himself no more, don’t mean he can’t fucking cut you. Now
ante up, dumb ass. We’re outta here.”
Flame attached my bag to his bike, then climbed on. I climbed on behind him
and wrapped my arms around his waist. Flame started his engine. Just before we
set off, he turned his head and pressed his lips to mine in the briefest of kisses.
As he pulled out onto the dirt road, I placed my chin on his shoulder and
whispered, “I love you too.”

*****

 We rode for two days. We camped out last night, and would do so again
tonight. My body ached with the unfamiliarity of riding on a bike. Every time I
wanted to stop, every time I wanted to return home, I reminded myself that this
was all for Flame. It was his best hope for the peace he had afforded me. He too
deserved peace. And every time I repeated this mantra to myself, I could rise
above the aches, the numbness, and the pain.
The fear of what lay ahead.
Night had fallen, the stars were bright and glittering against the backdrop of an
ink black sky. Flame veered left onto a secluded and dark country road. I held
him tighter as the bike jiggled over the graveled path. Then my tiring eyes
widened as they landed on a wide lake. The full moon hung in the sky and cast
bright beams of light, which shimmered on the still water.
Flame drove us a little bit further into the coverage of the trees, then slowly
drew the bike to a halt. My thighs throbbed with the long hours of sitting in the
same position. Flame moved off the bike first, then turning round, he lifted me
off the saddle. His strong arms held me in the air, and as he placed me down on
the crisp ground, he pulled me to his lips. When he broke away from my mouth,
my cheeks filled with heat.
Flame’s leather-gloved hands lifted and his finger brushed over the apple of my
cheek. “You liked that I did that,” he rasped. It was a statement he now knew to
be true.
Turning my head to greet his hand, I replied, “I like it more every time you do
it.”
Flame leaned down and kissed me again. My hands lifted to wrap around his
neck. This time when he pulled back, he said, “Then I’ll do it more.”
“Yo, Flame! I got a fire going, and I’m grilling. Let’s eat, then get some
shuteye. We got to hit the address Tanner got us for your old man by early
morning. We all know it’s gonna be some fucking day,” Viking called from near
the water.
We ate in near silence by the fire. Afterwards, Flame laid out a pallet for us to
sleep upon. He pulled me into his arms as soon as our exhausted bodies hit the
makeshift bed. In a matter of minutes I could hear the heavy breathing of AK
and Viking, sleeping at the other side of the fire. But Flame’s tense body, and his
quick inhales and exhales, betrayed that he was awake.
Feeling his heart race, I raised my head and lay over his chest to meet his eyes.
Flame had been staring at the cloudless sky, but when he felt me move, he
looked to me. He was troubled.
Lifting my finger to run across the worry lines on his forehead, I asked, “What
is wrong?”
Flame’s lips parted and a slow controlled breath poured out. His arms threaded
around my back and held me impossibly close. At first I did not think he was
going to speak then, unexpectedly, he confessed, “I’ve killed before.”
I froze, and pulling my eyebrows down, I stated, “I know. You killed Brother
Moses.”
“But I’ve killed a shit ton more. A shit ton, Maddie.” His eyes flicked away,
then looked back. “And I’ve liked it. I… fuck… I like it. I like killing. There’s
just something in me, Maddie, that wants to kill. That has to. I can’t imagine it
ever going away. I think… I think all that was done to me as a kid made me need
to kill.”
Dropping my hand, I pulled myself further up his body, and said, “But only
bad people. Yes? You only need to kill the ones that do bad things?”
Flame shrugged. “It’s always our—the club’s—enemies. Men we use to get
information. People that fuck the club over.” His chin nudged in my direction.
“People who fuck with you.”
My stomach turned at the slightest thought of taking a person’s life. Flame’s
hand touched my face, his gaze searching mine. “What are you thinking,
Maddie? Your face has changed but I don’t know what your expression fucking
means.”
Sighing, I responded with the truth. “I cannot imagine taking someone else’s
life. I know it is the way of the Hangmen; Mae and Lilah have explained this to
me many times. But… I do not know. I do not know that if it came to it, I would
have been able to take Brother Moses’ life. I do not believe that it is within me to
kill another human being, no matter how deserved. I suppose… I suppose it
makes me wonder what is within you to actually go through with it. What goes
through your mind to want to do it?”
Flame was silent for many long seconds. The arm remaining on my waist
increased its grip, then he whispered, “Him. Every time I kill, I’m fucking killing
him. I see him in place of them. I fuck them up. I hack them to fucking pieces
with my knife, but I’m only seeing him. Every time I kill, I kill him in my head...
for my mama... for Isaiah… for me… for what he turned me into. For what he
fucking did to me in that cellar.”
 And just like that, my heart clenched on receiving his confession. At the pain
he must harbor in his heart, caused by the man he thought he could trust.
Stroking my hand through his hair, I said, “You are a good man, Flame. You
were dealt a bad hand.”
He shook his head. “I’m fucking not, Maddie. I’m a killer. Deep down I like to
kill, because of him. I’m as fucked up as he is. I like to cause people pain.”
“No,” I argued, but Flame froze beneath me. “Flame!” I whispered louder.
When his eyes slowly turned back to me, he asked, brokenly, “What if he is
there tomorrow?”
And my heart broke again. Flame reached up and held onto my wrist, and he
elaborated, “What if we get to that fucking house tomorrow and he’s there?
What if he’s still in that fucking house? Still fucking living and breathing like
nothing ever happened? Still fucking going to that bastard church? Not even
caring about the shit that he’s done? Not caring what he made me into?”
Flame’s eyes had grown impossibly wide. He swallowed hard. And then I
knew. I knew that he was awake and fretting, because he was terrified. Although
he did not show the emotion on his face or in his voice, I knew that real fear was
coursing through his veins. And I realized that it was probably the first time in
many years that he had felt this particular emotion. He was Flame from the
Hangmen. He was the brother most feared by their enemies. The one that cut
people up with his skillful blades.
But right now he was scared.
I tried to imagine how I would feel if Brother Moses were to suddenly walk out
of the trees, at this very moment. I could feel shivers accosting my body, just at
this brief thought. But for Flame, in the morning, his tormentor may very well
stare him in the face. And he was frightened. Flame, my strong huge protector,
was terrified at the very thought.
“Shh…” I soothed, as Flame’s breathing became erratic. Then I offered, “I am
here for you. Also, AK and Viking are here with you, because they want to help
you. You will face him, and you will conquer the hold he still has over you.”
Flame glanced away. “In my head I’ve killed him a million times. The men
I’ve killed for the club, the blood I’ve spilled on these fucking hands has all been
his. But I don’t fucking know if I can actually kill the cunt, in the flesh. That
fucking house, his face… that fucking cellar hatch.”
“Then do not,” I replied. “Ending his life does not have to be the goal of this
trip. We are going so you can claim back control of your life. To confront the
evil that caused such hurt you. To then leave it all in the past.” My hands held
his face tightly, turning him to see me. Swallowing, I added, “So you can have a
future with me. So we can begin new lives. Happy ones… lives filled with love
and each other.”
“Happy ones?” Flame queried, his voice threaded with emotion. I nodded,
fearing that if I spoke I would break down in tears. Then crushing me to his
chest, he admitted, “I don’t ever remember being happy.”
Fighting back tears, I whispered, “Then this is what we will hope for.
Happiness... Because Flame?”
“What?” he pushed, voice barely registering a whisper.
“You are my happiness.”
Flame held me even tighter, then just as I began to drift off, draped over his
chest, he said, “I gotta kill him, Maddie. I gotta kill him for what he did to us all.
That cunt has to fucking die.”
I did not respond, I just shut my eyes and tried to understand that he had to kill
to be free.
Understand that this was who he was.
And that would never change.



 Chapter Twenty-Seven

Flame

It looked exactly the same.
Exactly. The. Fucking. Same.
The old gray wooden house still looked like the piece of shit it was. The grass
and weeds surrounding the house were still too high. Old burned out cars littered
the dirt driveway, and there were no fucking neighbors for miles and miles.
Yeah. Exactly the fucking same.
I glided the bike to a stop. And I just stared. My hands were tight on the
handlebars and I couldn’t fucking move. I was fucking frozen to the spot. My
eyes closed, and I remembered being pulled out of the house¸ after he’d
abandoned us. Then my eyes snapped open when I pictured the face, in my head,
of the person that found us—Pastor Hughes. It was fucking Pastor Hughes who
found us. And he’d taken Isaiah. He’d taken my baby brother away, and dumped
me at some kid’s home.
Hands around my waist snapped me back to the house sitting before me and I
lurched forward. “Flame. Shh, it is me.” I exhaled and relaxed my body on
hearing Maddie’s voice behind me. Then her hands moved again and I sucked in
a deep breath.
I looked to my left. AK was sitting back on his bike, arms folded across his
chest. “It’s on you, brother. We go in when you do.”
I nodded, then looked to my right. Viking was watching me closely. “What ‘K
said, man. This is your fucking show. We follow your lead. Whatever goes
down, we got your back.”
My head dropped. Maddie shifted behind me, then jumped off the bike. She
moved to me and held out her hand. “You are not alone.”
Feeling my chest fucking crack, I got off my bike. I found Maddie’s hand.
Pulling her to my chest, I pressed a kiss to her forehead, then letting her go, I let
the fucking flames now permanently burning low fucking rise. Fucking take this
shit down.
 Facing Maddie, I ordered. “You stay out here.”
Maddie nodded her head. Then I turned to AK. “You fucking stay at the door.
You watch her, yeah? Don’t let her get hurt.”
AK slid off his bike and walked next to Maddie. “You got it, brother.” AK
pulled his 9mm from his cut and held it his hands. “The fucker won’t be going
nowhere if he’s in there.” I knew that. AK was an ex-sniper. The brother was
fucking unparalleled with a gun.
Instantly, Viking was by my side. I met my brother’s eyes. “You stay up front
with me.” Viking winked, holding his favorite Berettas in his hands, and
dropped back behind me.
Then I faced that fucking wooden door. The same wooden door I was hauled
out of by the scruff of my neck as a fucking kid, and dragged screaming to that
fucked up church, day in, day out.
Without thinking, I found my feet moving forward, the blade that belonged in
this fucking hellhole gripped tightly in my hand.
And I couldn’t hold it back. The flames that had been quiet for days flared
brighter, surging through my fucking veins. My head twitched, my hands
clenched. I let loose every bit of fucking rage I had for this shithole and for the
cunt who might be inside.
And I fucking embraced it. I let that shit burn.
Reaching the old door, I raised my foot and smashed the hell mouth wide open.
Storming inside, I sensed Viking right behind me, guarding my back. I stopped
dead.
Nothing had changed. The place was dirtier, more rundown. It was a fucking
shithole. But everything looked the same—same stained floor, faded curtains,
even the old furniture. My heart lunged into a sprint as I scanned the room. My
body shook with rage, so much fucking rage at being back in this place that I
could barely fucking think.
Then I heard it: movement from the bedroom.
I smelled the stench of alcohol.
Then he staggered out.
All the air rushed out of my lungs as he entered the living room, a fucking long
sharp blade in his hands. His dark eyes landed on me and his teeth gritted
together.
 “Get the fuck out!” he snarled, clothes dripping with sweat, skin yellow and
pale. “Get the fuck out before I call the cops. I got nothing for you here!”
“Fuck,” I heard from beside me, but I was rooted to the fucking spot. “That’s
the cunt?”
I watched as my poppa’s eyes darted to each of us. He held up the blade in his
old shaking hands. “I said, get the fuck out!”
But we didn’t move, and somehow, his eyes kept returning to me. Then one
time, they stayed. They examined my body, flicked to the blade in my hand, then
snapped back to lock on my face.
His mouth hooked at the corner, as if in realization. “Well I’ll be fucking
damned. Wondered if I’d ever see your expressionless face again one day,
Josiah. And here you are. Looking as evil as I always knew you were.”
I stared at my old man, heard that fucking name dripping with venom from his
stupid fucking mouth. And I could feel myself shaking. I could feel every fiber
of my body fucking shaking. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move.
I was trapped.
“I got nothing for you here, Josiah. So you and your sinner friends can just turn
the fuck around. I ain’t got no money, so you can get the fuck out. Don’t want
you bringing your demons into this house again.”
Something inside of me snapped, and I bit out, “You got fucking answers, old
man. That’s what you fucking got!”
Unable to hold back any longer, I charged forward. Holding my blades out in
front, I ran at my poppa. His eyes flared as I plowed forward. He pushed out his
blade, but his drunken fucking ass had his hand shaking too much to grip it tight.
I easily knocked the blade out of his old fucking hands, the steel clattering to the
wooden floor and I shouldered him back against the wall.
Using my forearm, I pushed it against his neck, and looking him dead in the
fucking eyes, asked, “What the fuck happened to Isaiah? Why the fuck did you
always count to eleven?” I leaned in closer and hissed, “And why the fuck did
you rape me? Why the fuck did you fucking rape me and fuck up my head?”
My poppa coughed and his face turned bright red, unable to breathe. But the
fucker wouldn’t get such an easy death. I was gonna fucking make him pay. Pay
for it all.
Jumping back, I dropped my arm and watched him hit the floor. My head
twitched and my neck ached with how tight it was straining. But I turned the
blades in my hand, and called, “Viking! Hold the cunt down on the table.”
Viking moved into action, picking the bastard up by his hair and dragging him
to the table in the center of the room. The table my mama would cook at. I paced
the floor, fighting the memory of my mama standing in this room, defending me
from this sick fuck. My hands fisted on the handles of my blades and I hit the
side of my head as too many fucking memories flooded my mind.
“Done, brother.” Viking announced from across the room. When I turned,
Viking was holding down my poppa’s arms, his legs kicking to get free.
Viking smiled. “The fucker ain’t going nowhere, brother.”
“AK!” I called. AK stepped into the room, his 9mm held high. He flicked his
chin. “Hold down the fucker’s legs,” I instructed.
AK dropped his gun into his cut and did as I said. I paced beside the table, and
when I looked down, my poppa’s face was watching mine. Holding the handle
of my knife, I charged forward on a scream and smashed the blunt end across his
face. Blood poured from my poppa’s mouth. Dropping my blade into my belt, I
lifted his head by the collar of his stained stinking shirt, and asked, “What the
fuck was done with Isaiah? What the fuck did you do with my brother’s body?”
My poppa coughed and spluttered but gave no answer. I brought his face to
mine, and growled, “Where the fuck did you take him? What the fuck was done
with his body?”
“I’d answer him if I were you. Answer him or he’ll fucking slice off your
tongue. Your son’s a fucking stone cold killer, Daddio. I ain’t thinking you
wanna fuck with him anymore,” Viking warned and my poppa’s eyes flared.
And I knew… he was scared. I couldn’t read faces, but I knew his face. Knew
his every expression. And I knew I’d never seen him like this before. Never seen
him scared before.
I fucking loved that it was me who made him feel fear.
“Pastor Hughes,” he coughed out. “Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul came for you
both. They came looking for me, and found you two. They knew about the
cellar, so they knew where to look. They cremated your brother and tossed his
ashes in the river. He was better off gone, than living with you and your tainted
soul.”
The flames under my skin burned like fuck, they fucking scorched me from
inside. Tipping my head back, I roared and screamed out loud. Isaiah. They
fucking burned him. The fucking Pastor and Elder that tied me down, and filled
my poppa’s head with all the snake shit, hid my brother’s fucking death.
Holding my knife, I slashed it across Poppa’s chest, the tip cutting the surface
of his skin. My poppa cried out, then before he had time to scream again, I
demanded, “Why eleven? Why eleven times? Why was everything always
eleven?”
His teeth gritted together at the pain, and taking my blade, I placed the tip at
the top of the slash I’d just given him and began dragging it down. “I said, why
fucking eleven?”
Poppa gasped and cried, “There are ten commandments, eleven is a mockery of
all that is pure. It’s for disorder and sinners. You have evil in your veins,
darkness in your soul. Eleven was fit for the sinner you are!”
I stopped and, unable to catch my breath through rage, hit my head. “I wasn’t a
fucking sinner. I was fucking different. I am fucking different. My head doesn’t
work right, like others. But it wasn’t a fucking sin, I wasn’t fucking evil, I was
different. But your fucking church told you I was evil. You thought everyone
was evil: me, Mama, Isaiah. When it was you. You were the one that was fucked
up!”
I blew out a loud breath. That breath turned into a fucking scream, and I
slashed my blade across his stomach. The blade didn’t cut deep, but the fucker
sure felt it. He felt the fucking sting of my blade.
“You are a sinner, Josiah. Look what you’ve become. What you would’ve
always become,” he choked out. “An evil fucking retard with flames in his
blood. The retard with evil in his veins.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped. I pointed my blade at his face. “Shut. The. Fuck.
Up!”
His dark eyes watched me. Then pointing my knife at his face, I growled, “You
put me in that fucking cellar.” I pointed to the cellar’s hatch I knew was there.
“You cut me with a blade, night after night, for fuck knows how long. You
starved me. You left me in the fucking freezing cold.” Then my body tensed as I
forced myself to say, “You raped me. You fucking raped me. You sick fucking
cunt." I paused to gulp in more air, then continued in a deliberate voice. "Mama,
Isaiah… you fucking ruined them. They died because of what you did to us all.
You and that fucking church.”
This time he said shit back to me. He just stared. Stared at me with those
fucking dead eyes. It incensed me. My body heated and the fucking blades in my
hands felt heavy. I looked up to Viking, who had gone as still as a fucking stone,
and commanded, "Keep his arms held down.”
Viking forced my poppa’s arms down. Standing above him, I turned the blade
in my hands, then sliced down his arm. “One,” I growled, seeing blood pour
from his wound as he sucked in a sharp breath. I sliced again, “Two,” and hissed
when his teeth gritted together at the pain. I sliced again and again and again, my
cock hardening at the sight of every spray of blood that hit my face. “Three.
Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten…” I slowly counted. The cunt’s arms
were ripped to shreds, blood flowing to the floor. Then, with my pulse slamming
in my neck, I slashed the blade over his thigh, and roared, “Eleven!”
My old man sagged on the table, eyes dazed.
Then, fighting sickness, I moved in closer and asked, “Why the fuck did you
rape me?”
My poppa froze on the table. I pressed my blade to his cheek, and repeated,
“Why the fuck did you rape me?”
My blade pressed further into crepe-thin skin the longer he was silent. Then he
suddenly said, “To rid your flesh completely of sin. To punish you for taking
your mama away from me.”
I stayed still, my blade pushed into his cheek, then I moved back. He was a sick
fuck whose time was up.
I looked to the back of the room. I pointed to the hatch and ordered, “Vike,
drag him over there.”
I stormed forward, then came to a complete fucking stop. I stared at that
fucking hatch and, as I did, I couldn’t move a damn inch. The wood was
scratched and worn through years of use. The lock was rusted, but still tight.
“Fuck, man,” Viking said beside me. “What kinda fucked up shit did you go
through down there? I’m already wanting to snap this pedo’s neck. This cellar
shit’s gonna tip me over the edge. ”
Not answering, I closed my eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Bending
down, I forced myself to unbolt the lock and ripped the fucking door open on a
snarl, its old rotting wood easily coming off at the hinges.
The cellar’s familiar stagnant smell of blood and cum immediately hit my nose.
I had to fight back from puking at the stench. Just as I was about to order Viking
to throw my poppa in there, head first, a movement from below caught my eye.
 My heart stilled in my chest, then set off like a fucking bat out of hell when I
saw a pair of sunken dark eyes looking back up at me. I blinked, I was sure I was
fucking seeing things, but then a pale face slowly emerged into the light. I
launched back against the wall, chest panting in shock.
AK rushed to my side. “What the fuck’s wrong?” he asked. Viking dropped my
old man’s cut, alcoholic body to the floor behind him, and joined us.
I shook my head, then said, “Someone’s in there... Someone’s fucking in
there!”
Viking and AK moved to the hatch and looked down. My stomach dropped as
Viking shouted, “Fuck! Fuck, man, there’s a fucking kid down here!”
I watched, fucking frozen against the wall as Viking and AK bent down. AK
turned round. “Fuck, Flame. Get here now.”
I moved my legs, fighting back the dark memories of being fucked in that hole,
when I glanced behind us… and my poppa wasn’t fucking there.
Pushing myself to my feet, I barked, “Where the fuck’s he gone?”
Then a scream came from outside. “Flame!”
Maddie…
NO!
“Fuck!” Viking spat. But I was already running to the door, my blood pumping
like fucking rapids of fire. I flew out the door, only to see my poppa, with that
fucking knife back in his hand, holding Maddie to his chest. And the fucking
blade was at her throat.
A red mist came over my eyes, and I screamed, the noise ripping from my
chest.
Maddie’s green eyes were wide and filled with water. And she was staring at
me, she was fucking staring at me to help her.
“Let me the fuck go or I’ll slit the whore’s throat,” my poppa warned. My
blood quickly cooled to ice.
I stood still and calmly said, “Let her go.”
Viking stepped beside me, and my poppa’s eyes darted between us. “Let me
the fuck go, and you can have your whore back.”
“Flame,” Maddie whispered, her face paling to white.
I watched that blade pressed against her throat, the edge already touching the
skin and I tossed my blades to the ground. “Fucking let her go,” I demanded, my
voice like fucking thunder.
Then the cunt started walking to the side, heading down the dirt driveway. As
my poppa moved to turn, he moved Maddie, briefly pushing her body to the
side, opening himself right up. I was just about to launch forward to tackle the
fucker to the ground, when AK stepped beside me, his 9mm held up in line with
his eye. “Get ready to cut that sick fuck up real good,” he whispered.
A second later, AK sent a fucking bullet straight into the back of the cunt’s leg,
and my old man dropped to the floor, blade slipping loose, femur shattered.
Maddie fell to the side, her neck still under his arm. But she scurried free,
crawling to safety.
And that was all the fucking green light I needed.
Reaching down, I picked up my blades and sprinted forward. My poppa rolled
over, trying to get up, just as I arrived at his side. Then looking him right in the
eyes, the flames roaring from within, I dropped to straddle his waist and sent my
blades sinking into his flesh, strike after strike. And I fucking watched him. I
fucking watched him like a hawk as he tried to cry out. I sank the sharp steel into
his chest, his stomach, twisting and hacking at his flesh. I saw my mama’s face
in my head as I cut up his chest. I saw him hitting her, her skin bleeding and
bruised. I saw him screaming at Isaiah. Saw him putting him down beside me, in
the dirt hole, and fucking leaving us there to die, as I ripped and snapped the
tendons in his arms.
I moved lower, my poppa’s body now hemorrhaging blood like a geyser. But I
couldn’t fucking stop stabbing, I couldn’t fucking stop screaming out all the
years of fucking pain. I reached below his waist, and taking both knives, sent
them piercing through his cock. My poppa choked on his blood. But I shut my
eyes, still trying to push away the feel of his breath on my neck as a kid, of his
fucking sweating chest pressed to my back, as he fucked me against the wall.
And I still couldn’t stop. I hacked down his legs, ripping through bone and
muscle. I moved to his stomach and sliced apart the skin, then I got to his face.
To those fucking dark eyes that were staring up at me glazed over, and raising
both my hands, I slammed both blades down into each of his eyes. And yet I still
couldn’t stop. I kept going, ripping through his jaw, his cheeks and his fucking
skull.
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stop, until…
“Flame! Stop… please!” a voice cried.
 But lifting the blades, my hands shaking, I drove them through his skull,
feeling the bone splinter under my hands.
“Flame! Stop! STOP!!!”
The voice calling my name suddenly broke through into mind, and I dropped
my blades, my body slumping back in exertion. I panted, my breathing too hard
and too fast, when my eyes finally snapped back into focus.
Blood. All I could see was a fucking shit ton of blood. Blood beneath me,
blood covering a fucking corpse in front of me… a fucking corpse so fucking cut
up you couldn’t see his face. You couldn’t make him out at all.
Movement beside me made me turn, and I gasped for breath. Maddie…
Maddie…
“Flame. God!” Maddie sat on the grass verge behind me, her face pale, hand
covering her mouth. Rage built in my chest, rage and a fucking rush of feelings I
couldn’t understand, and I screamed.
I screamed and fucking screamed. Scrambling off my poppa’s torn up body, I
collapsed on the road, my knees bent and neck muscles tight. Then fisting my
hands, I threw my head back and screamed again. I fucking screamed until my
fucking voice cut the hell out, my throat raw and sore.
Suddenly, I felt real fucking tired, exhausted, and my head dropped forward.
My body shook as tears fell from my fucking eyes. And I couldn’t fucking stop.
I couldn’t fucking stop.
Too lost in the fucking aftermath of the kill, I felt a soft hand on my face. I
flinched at the touch, but when I went to knock it the fuck away, Maddie’s face
came into view. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her face and lips
were deathly white.
“Maddie,” I croaked, unable to fucking move.
Maddie inched further forward on her knees, and my head fell into her chest.
Maddie cried out, and wrapped her arms around my head, holding me to her
chest. I pushed my weak assed arms around her waist, and said with a hoarse
voice, “He’s gone. He’s really fucking gone.” It felt like a fucking ton weight
had been lifted from my chest.
Maddie sobbed from above. “Yes,” she whispered, then crushed me harder to
her tiny body.
We stayed that way for minutes, until I heard noise coming from behind me.
Hearing Maddie gasp, I pulled back, lifted my head. And my heart fucking
stopped.
Vike and AK were coming out of the house… walking out of that fucking
house, with the kid from the cellar. A kid who looked about sixteen or
seventeen.
He was thin.
He was tall.
He was pale.
But he… he…
“He looks just like you,” Maddie voiced from beside me. She’d said aloud
what I was thinking. “Lord, Flame, he has your eyes, and he has your color
hair… he looks like he is… God! Is he your brother?” Her hand reached down to
take mine, and she questioned, “Do you have another brother?”
I stared at the kid, standing between AK and Vike. I stared at his ripped
clothes. But his eyes were on me. He never fucking took them off me. Viking put
his hand on the kid’s shoulder, but the kid jerked back.
I immediately shot to my feet. “Don’t fucking touch him,” I bit out.
Viking moved back, his hands in the air. “Fuck man, I weren’t gonna hurt him.
I was fucking bringing him out to meet y’all, brother. This is Asher Cade. Turns
out Daddio had a woman on the side, and after you left, he moved her and his
bastard kid into this palace. Asher here is said bastard kid.” Viking pointed at the
boy. “You have a fucking little brother, Flame. Asher fucking Cade. Your old
man married his mama, and made it all nice and official as soon as he could.”
Feeling like I’d been fucking punched in my stomach with a lead bar, I walked
forward. The kid watched me, then he fucking looked over my shoulder. I tensed
when I knew what he was seeing, but then a fucking long sigh left his mouth,
and his shoulders slumped.
“You good, kid?” AK asked, and he slowly nodded his head.
His dark eyes fixed back on me, and he shyly asked, “You’re Josiah?”
I stopped dead, Maddie’s hand squeezing mine. I shook my head and hissed,
“I’m Flame. I used to be Josiah. Now, I’m Flame.”
The kid looked at the body on the floor behind us. “He said I was... like you.
Said I was too much like... Josiah. Then he hurt me… he…”
 The kid’s voice choked off. He looked down at the ground. His eyes closed. He
panted through his nose.
“How old are you?” AK asked, from my left.
“Sixteen,” the kid replied. I closed my eyes.
Opening them again, I asked, “Where’s your mama?” The kid looked up at me.
I saw his expression change. His eyes lowered. He swallowed.
Viking pointed at me. “Flame ain’t angry. It’s just how he talks.”
I frowned at Viking. “How did I fucking talk?”
Viking shrugged, and rubbed his hand under his nose. “Like you, brother.
Don’t sweat it.” Maddie laid her head on my arm. I breathed normally, hating
how I could never fucking speak right to new people.
Asher rocked on his feet, looked real fucking sad, and answered, “Died a few
months back. She… she killed herself.” He looked up at me and pointed behind
him. “Hung herself on the tree out back.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “I found
her. And poppa… he blamed me. Said it was all my fault.” He shook his head.
“But he beat her. Made us go to that church he loved so much, and we hated. She
killed herself because of him, but he blamed me. Mama was still so young, she
was only eighteen when she met him. She couldn’t go on any longer.”
“God…” Maddie whispered, clearly in shock. I closed my eyes and thought,
just like my fucking mama. It was all exactly like my fucking life.
When I opened them again, AK was standing in front of me. “Your call, man.
This kid’s your blood.” I stared at my… brother… and my heart pounded. I had
a brother. I had a fucking kid brother… again.
The kid held my gaze. He stepped forward and asked, “What’ll happen to me
now? I can’t…” His breath caught, and he shook. “Don’t take me to that church.
Please… Josiah, please… I got no other family, and I hate that church more than
anything.”
“It’s Flame,” I corrected, too busy thinking about that fucking church. The
kid’s eyes widened.
“Flame,” he pleaded. “Don’t make me go there.”
Maddie squeezed my hand. When I looked down at her, she was staring right
back up at me with those huge eyes. Taking a deep breath, I faced Asher and
ordered, “You come home with me.”
The kid paused, then choked on a fucking pained sob. Viking moved forward
and slung his arm around Asher’s shoulder. The kid tensed, but he relaxed
straight away into Viking’s huge chest, fucking curling himself into Vike’s hold.
Just then, I knew that Asher wasn’t like me at all. He didn’t have my condition.
He could be touched… He—
“… can be touched,” I finished, under my breath. Maddie’s hand lay on my
chest. She’d heard me. My arm lifted to lie over her shoulder and I pulled her
closer, holding the one person I could touch. Placing my mouth close to her ear,
I whispered, “He can be touched, Maddie. He ain’t like me.”
“I know,” she replied, and hugged me tighter. “That’s good, Flame.”
Viking walked past me toward the bikes, away from the fucking corpse. With
Asher under his arm, he asked, “Little fucking Ash. You ever been to Texas?”
Viking stopped dead in his tracks and looked back. “Fucking Ash, brother.
Flame and Little Ash.” He shook his head and smiled. Turning back to Asher, he
asked, “You ever been on a bike?”
“No,” Asher replied in a timid voice. “But I’ve seen one. And I’ve always liked
them.”
“Good thing, brother. Because where you’re going, you’re gonna learn to
fucking love them.”
AK followed them both without saying a word. I stood there just breathing,
staring at the old shithole of a house. Maddie walked in front of me. “What
now?”
Pushing a loose strand of her black hair behind her ear, I said, “I need you to
wait out here.”
Maddie stilled, then dropped my hand and walked to the bikes. I headed back
to what was left of my poppa on the ground. Bending down, I picked up his
fucking torn up corpse in my arms, and carried it into the house, back to the
cellar. Without even looking at its face, without even looking down into that
fucking pedo cell, I threw it into the hellhole, throwing in that fucking cursed
blade with it.
In seconds, I stood at the front door, and reaching into my pocket, I pulled out
my lighter and brought up a flame. I stared at the orange flames, feeling the
flames in my blood stir in response. Then I walked through the old doorway for
the very last time, and flicked the open flame onto the cluttered dry floor. I shut
the front door behind me, and just fucking smiled. Lifting my head, I saw Asher
on the back of Viking’s bike, wearing leathers far too fucking big for his paper
thin body. Then I climbed on my bike. Maddie was already waiting, her arms
coming around my waist as soon I sat in the saddle.
AK rolled his bike beside me, and asked, “What now, brother?”
Focusing straight forward, I said, “I got one more place to go.”
AK revved his engine, and said, “Then fucking lead the way.”
We pulled out onto the dirt road. I smelled the smoke of burning wood. And I
smiled again. I smiled knowing that that fucker would burn to ashes.
We hit the main road, and I tore up asphalt heading for one last place. AK and
Viking were right on my back wheel, not one fucking car to be seen on the road.
My chest tightened as we approached the building I hated most. When the old
church came into view on the deserted country road, I pulled my bike to a stop
out front.
Sliding off my bike, I turned to Maddie. “You stay here out front with the kid.
This won’t take long.”
Maddie swallowed, but she got off the bike and walked toward Asher who was
sitting on Viking’s bike. Viking and AK joined me.
“What the fuck is this place?” AK asked, inspecting the old white shack.
My hands fisted and I replied, “A church.”
AK frowned and Vike shook his head. “And what we doing at a rundown
church? ‘Cause I’m pretty fucking sure I’ll burst into flames if I walk into that
place,” Viking said as he pointed to the entrance.
“You go in there and bring anyone inside, out back. I’ll be fucking waiting,” I
ordered, and without waiting for a reply, went to my bike and took two new
blades from my saddlebag. Gripping the handles, I walked round the back and
waited.
It wasn’t two minutes later when AK and Viking came out holding a man each.
And the rage came back seeing Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul in their hands.
My brothers held them in their grip, the two men from my past completely
white with fear. Vike flicked his chin, and said, “These were the only two in
there. They who you want?”
“Yeah,” I growled. I lifted my blades and ordered, “Hold them up against the
wall.”
AK and Vike moved without question, and slammed the Pastor and the Elder
against the wooden wall of the church. The men started firing questions at me,
but I didn’t waste any fucking time. Plowing forward, I plunged my knife first
through Elder Paul leaving him impaled on the wall, choking on his own blood.
Then through Pastor Hughes’ stomach, getting close enough to his ear to spit,
“That’s for Isaiah, you fucking cunt. For Isaiah and for helping that fucking
bastard of a father get away with fucking murder and rape.”
I walked away, only looking over my shoulder to order Vike, “Torch the
fucking place, and leave those fuckers on that wall to burn alive.”
I reached my bike and flicked my chin at Maddie. She walked to me slowly.
“Are you okay?” she asked warily.
I nodded my head, and jumped on the saddle. Maddie got on behind me, no
questions asked, just as AK and Vike came back round front. AK nodded his
head telling me the place was smoke.
As my brothers got on their bikes behind me, I held up my hand in the air and
pointed forward.
It was time to get the fuck home.



 Chapter Twenty-Eight

Maddie

We arrived home three days later.
We were tired and emotionally drained, but we were home. In fact, we arrived
home in good time, Flame pushing us hard to get here as soon as possible.
Asher had made the journey without complaint. And, in the little time I had to
speak to him, I had come to discover that he was a sweet young boy. Naïve,
sheltered, but bright. AK and Viking had taken him under their collective wing.
Asher had swapped riding on the back of their bikes, and he slept beside them
when we camped at night. Flame’s two best friends talked to him non-stop.
Viking explained their alternative life and what Asher’s future could become.
Asher listened intently, saying little in return. He was painfully quiet, but I
immediately liked him. And my heart cried for him. When I looked at Asher, I
could not help but see a young Flame in his eyes. They were so much alike in
looks. It was a startling likeness. But the best part of all, Asher had the promise
of a young life. Where for Flame it had been already ruined. And Asher did not
have the same disposition as Flame. Asher could read people just fine. He could
express emotion, and he could understand subtle cues and actions. He did not
share the same condition as his paternal brother.
Which led me to Flame.
For the entire journey Flame had spoken little. He rode. He ate. And he made
our bed away from Viking, AK and his brother. Far away, shutting them out
completely. Each night, each time we went to sleep, he pulled me down to lie
beside him, clutching me so very tightly in his arms. Like he was afraid to let me
go. But he did not speak. He did not speak of what he had done to his father. Of
what he had done at his old church. He had shut down completely.
And worst of all, he said nothing to Asher.
Not one word.
He barely even glanced his way.
Asher watched him, when Flame was not looking. He watched him so closely,
and it broke my heart into pieces. Because I could see Asher’s desperation so
clearly in his timid expression. I could see the want in his eyes, for his big
brother to acknowledge him, or to even look his way.
But Flame did not. He sat, sharpening his blades, head cast down.
Silent.
When we arrived home, when we arrived at the three cabins, AK took one look
at Flame’s empty face and asked, “How 'bout Little Ash stays with me? I got a
spare room. He’ll be good with me.”
Flame had nodded his head once, and AK had taken Asher to his cabin. I
watched them the entire way, completely lost at what to do. Just as they were
about to enter the door, Asher glanced back to Flame. But Flame was staring
straight forward, shoulders tense. Asher went into the cabin, defeated; AK firmly
closed the door behind them.
Flame had been that way ever since. Quiet, unable to bear letting me out of his
sight, shutting himself away from the world.
Feeling the water had cooled, I pulled the plug out of the tub, and sat in the
draining water, trying to search my mind for what could be done. Because that
was Flame. He did not express what troubled him. He kept it deep inside, with
no indication about how to help him.
For days I had searched my mind for anything to help him address his inner
pain; then, just as I felt I was at a complete loss, unable to give any help, an idea
struck me. A realization so stark that I was convinced it had to help, even if only
a little.
Because there was one haunting memory that Flame had yet to overcome. One
barrier that he had yet to confront. Taking a deep breath, I prayed that it worked.
Because if it did not, I was unsure if Flame would ever be freed from the cage in
his mind.
Stepping out of the bath, I dried quickly and changed into leather pants and a
black sweater, then tied my hair back in a tight braid. When I was ready, I left
the bathroom to find Flame in the same position he had been in for days. He was
slumped against the wall near the unlit fire, his finger travelling down the long
blade in his hands… and his intense dark eyes were fixed on the end of the living
room... to the hatch... the replica of the hatch that brought him so much pain in
his younger years.
I noted his muscles tensed when I entered the room. And as he had done for the
last few days, his hand tapped the floor beside him, wordlessly indicating for me
to sit beside him.
This time, when I approached, I crouched at his feet instead. His eyes barely
registered that I was wearing my leathers; he didn’t move. Reaching out, I took
hold of his hand, and when his lost eyes blinked up, I gently demanded, “I need
you to take us somewhere.”
Flame’s facial expression did not change, but the rise and fall of his chest told
me he did not want to leave. I squeezed his hand, and whispered, “For me,
Flame. Please do this for me.”
Flame dropped the blade, and he pushed his large body to his feet. Refusing to
release my hand, he pulled me into his chest and asked, “Where are we going?”
"I need us to go into downtown Austin."
Flame numbly nodded his head, then asked, “Where?”
I closed my eyes, knowing this was going to be a battle. Then told him the
street name. As soon as the words had left my mouth, Flame’s body had tensed,
the hard muscles in his arms and chest pulling to their splitting point.
“No,” he snapped fiercely, and held me tighter. “No,” he repeated, just as
powerfully.
Pushing back from his hard chest, I stretched to the tips of my toes. Placing my
hands on his arms, I pleaded, “Trust me. I need you to come with me. I just…
please, Flame… for me.” I pressed his hand against my heart and continued. “I
love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. So, please, trust me. I am your
Maddie. I would never steer you wrong.”
“Maddie,” Flame murmured, his dark eyes blinking.
“Trust me,” I pushed, and reluctantly Flame dropped his head. In seconds he
had taken me outside to his bike. Minutes later we were on the road.
He drove slowly, and I knew he wanted to avoid what I needed him to face. I
held him tightly the whole way. When we arrived, Flame parked our bike in
front of the familiar white building.
His body was taught with apprehension. And I knew this was going to be
difficult. But I wanted my Flame back. I wanted him to claw through whatever
dark fog plagued and tortured his mind.
I slid off the bike, and stood beside Flame. Running my hand down his arm, I
laid it over his hand. Flame sighed, then slid off his bike, his fingers immediately
wrapping around mine.
As we stood on the sidewalk, Flame’s feet were firmly planted on the ground.
Slowly, I coaxed him forward. He panicked, and admitted, “I don’t think I can
go in.”
My heart clenched at the lost look on his face. Pulling him gently, I nodded my
head. “Yes you can. This is not a bad place. You need to see that for yourself,
Flame. You need to see that the places, the atrocities we endured growing up,
were not the norm.” Flame’s expressionless face never moved. I reiterated with
emphasis, “Trust me.”
Then Flame’s feet began to step forward. He followed me up the steep white
steps, hand gripping mine iron-tight. Then we reached the top. The wooden
doors were open.
Looking up at Flame’s tight jaw, I asked, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s teeth gritted, and he shook his head. “No,” he rasped, his eyes darting
all around the church looking for what, I did not know?
“But will you follow me?” I prompted.
Flame, this time, did meet my eyes and he replied, “Anywhere.”
Releasing a sigh, I led Flame forward into the main body of the church. When I
looked up, I saw him scanning the large building. We were alone in the church.
For that, I was glad. Flame needed to see that this church was nothing like the
one that had tied him down, and mistook his unique ways and look on life, as
evil.
Guiding Flame to the pews, I sat down. My eyes caught sight of a picture of
Pastor James hanging in the altar surrounded by candles and flowers, and my
body washed with sadness. I knew that Styx had organized for her family to be
told of her death, though anonymously. I didn’t know the details, but Mae had
told me the conversation had transpired. And I knew they had been sent money.
But seeing her kind face smiling from the picture, I did not think I would ever
purge her death from my mind. And at the hands of a child, no less.
Flame sat beside me, as still as night. I could hear the heaviness of his breaths,
and felt the rigidness of his hands. I was so unbelievably proud of him for
coming here. Because he would do anything for me.
Flame’s head twitched as he absorbed the inside of the church. Then sighing,
he looked to me and asked, “There are no snakes? No people writhing on the
floor?”
 “No,” I replied with the minimum of fuss, and laid my head upon his shoulder.
“It is not the place you believe it to be.” I looked over to the statue of Jesus I
used to hide behind, and said, “All those weeks ago, when you came here for
me, fearing I was hurt. I was not.”
I pointed our joined hands toward the tall white marble statue of Jesus and
confided, “I used to come here when you were receiving treatment for your
neck. I would hide away behind that statue and watch the world go by. I would
stay unseen, in the shadows, listening to the choir singing their songs from
above, in the balcony, mouthing the words I was too afraid to speak. I was too
afraid to sing because I had been told my entire life that it was wrong. Although
it was no longer my life, I still held on to those thoughts. Deep down, I feared
letting them go.”
Flame exhaled, and asked, “Why didn’t you let them go?”
I closed my eyes, feeling my throat clog with emotion for the girl I had been
back then—alive but not living. “I think… I think I kept hold of the old beliefs,
because… because I did not know who I was without them. My whole life I had
served the disciples. I had been a slave to my fears. Then, when I was free, I
would sit in the darkness, watching others embrace the light… watching them
sing. And I would mouth the words, wanting so badly to feel the freedom I could
hear filling the air. But I just could not. I could not bring myself to let go. I
feared the person I was.”
Flame’s finger played along the skin on the back of my hand, and he inquired
in a hushed whisper, “And who are you?”
Tears filled my eyes and a smile graced my lips. “Yours,” I confessed, from the
deepest recesses of my heart. “I am yours. It took you falling into darkness to
make me see the truth and light.”
Flame stilled, and then lifting my head with his finger under my chin, he
groaned, “Maddie…” and he briefly closed his eyes.
Holding his wrist, I continued, “It is true. Yours, is who I am. You gave me a
purpose, Flame. You gave me a reason to live… you gave me your love… you
gave me you.”
Flame’s forehead dropped to mine and his hands threaded into the sides of my
hair. “Maddie,” he rasped. “I… I don’t believe in this shit. Church, God, none of
it. I fucking hate all of it. Hate how people get so fucking sucked into it and let it
change them, rule them. I can’t be around it no more.”
Feeling a lightness fill my soul, I replied, “Neither do I, Flame. This is not my
life any longer. I do not believe in this anymore, either.”
“Then what do you believe in?” he tentatively asked.
Smiling through my tears, I said, “You. I believe in you.” Raising my head, my
nose brushed his, and I confessed, “I believe in me. In us. We are all I need. All
I’ll ever need from this point on.”
“Fuck, Maddie,” Flame sighed and pressed his shaking lips to my mouth. Then
as our lips fused, the sweet heavenly sound of the choir began to fill the air…
and it was my favorite song. The one I sang for Flame.
Flame broke from my mouth with a gasp, and proclaimed, “Maddie… the song
you sang to me.” His eyebrows pulled down, his mind active, thinking, and he
affirmed, “You sang for me? When I was…” he tapped the side of his head.
“When I was fucking trapped in here. You sang… and I heard you.”
I nodded my head. “I know.”
“But you didn’t dare let yourself sing before. You said you never sang the
words aloud.”
“I know,” I repeated.
“Then why…?”
“Because saving you gave me my voice. You gave me the strength to break
free from the bonds that chained me to my past. The bonds that existed only in
my mind. You… you freed me.”
I watched Flame’s eyes move from side to side. I knew this to mean he was
thinking again.
Then a strained groan escaped his throat. A tear ran down his cheek, and he
said, “I lost everyone. He fucking took everyone from me. My mama, Isaiah. He
fucking took me from me. Made me into a psycho freak. All my life I’ve had
nothing. He fucking took it all. I… I never stood a chance.”
My stomach sank as I felt every ounce of his pain. Flame suddenly stilled and
stared at me, as though I were a living miracle. “Then I got you. I have you, and
I can’t lose you, Maddie. I can’t ever fucking lose you or I will fucking go
insane.”
“You never will lose me,” I assured.
His head dropped and he choked out, “Then I got Asher.” His eyes lifted, and
they were plagued with fear. “I got a fucking brother again. I got you, and I got a
brother… and what if… what if…”
 Sliding my hand to the back of his head, I said, “No one will take us from you.
I am going nowhere. And Asher… Asher only wants his big brother, Flame. He
wants you to go to him. Speak to him. He needs you to love him. He has lost
everything and everyone too. He has lost it all due to your father. Just like you
did.”
Flame held out his arms. “But Isaiah died. He died in these fucking arms. On
the eleventh breath, he died. He left me… because of me.” His eyes brimmed
with unshed tears. “I killed him.” He tapped his head. “It’s always in here. I see
it all the fucking time. Always eleven, because of poppa’s slices and Isaiah’s last
breaths.”
“No,” I cried, and bent my head to kiss along the heavily scarred flesh of his
wrists. Flame froze, then tried to pull away, but I gripped them tightly. I pressed
kiss after kiss to his scars, and when all of them had been covered, I said, “There
are no flames, no poison, no evil in your veins. They run with blood, like
everyone else. Your father was wrong. Lord, Flame, he could not have been
more wrong. He believed scripture and sermons falsely given to him by that
Pastor, but they were wrong. He believed wrongly. Especially about you.”
I fought back the anger building in my heart and assured Flame, “You are
loved, loved so much. And your heart has so much love to give.” I held back my
threatening tears, and listed, “You saved me. You protected me. You sat outside
my door, day and night, to make sure I was safe. You paced before my window
each night.” I traced along the scar on his neck. “And you took a bullet for me.
Your blood, it flows with light and goodness, not flames and sin.”
Tracing the tracks of the tears on Flame’s cheeks, I added, “We are Flame and
Maddie. And we have survived.” I pressed a kiss to his fingers and I
emphasized, “We have found each other, and we are never letting each other go.
Okay?”
Flame groaned just as the choir hit a crescendo. He enveloped me in his big
strong arms.
Safe.
Inhaling the rich scent of his leather, I pulled back and suggested, “Let us
leave, Flame. Let us go home. And let us never come back.”
We made it home in record time. As we entered the living room, Flame locked
the door shut. I turned to face the man to whom I had just vowed my life. He
stepped closer, and freeing my hair from its braid, hushed, “I want to be with
you.”
 My heart fluttered like a humming bird's wings at his need, and I led him into
the bedroom. Flame stood and watched as I shed my clothes. Seeing him
standing, fists by his sides, I went to move forward to remove his leathers.
Suddenly, Flame took me in his arms. I gasped as my feet left the floor. I stared
into Flame’s eyes as he gently laid me down on the bed.
I lay unmoving as Flame untied his belt and shed his cut. His clothes dropped
to the floor. Then, with dark eyes blazing, Flame climbed upon the bed, his huge
body immediately covering mine.
Flame’s hand pushed hair from my face and, just as his lips touched my lips, he
murmured, “I love you, Maddie.”
I moaned as his lips crashed to mine, Flame’s strong yet timid hands lifting to
run down my waist. My hips rolled as his hands moved north to the base of my
breasts. And breaking his lips from my mouth our fearless gazes held. The air
bristled with tension as our eyes remained locked. Then Flame’s calloused palm
moved slowly to cover my left breast. A burning heat surged between my legs.
“Flame…” I moaned, as his fingers brushed over my nipple. But something
flared in Flame’s eyes and he lowered his head. My heart slammed in my chest
when I realized his mouth was lowering toward my nipple.
We had never made love like this before. We had never been so unrestrained or
so free before.
I had never felt so happy and so safe before.
Flame’s head stilled as he hovered above my nipple. Then when his tongue
swiped along the flesh, my back arched off the mattress. My hand dived into his
hair. His tongue repeated the action and my thighs pressed together in need.
When I felt I could take no more, Flame pulled back and whispered, “Maddie.”
His voice was guttural and rough, but confident. He then proceeded to press kiss
after kiss over every inch of my bare skin.
My eyelids fluttered to a close as I fought to gain my composure. My skin was
on fire, branded forever with every tender touch of his lips.
Then he lowered even further, his pierced tongue dragging down over my
stomach, to the apex of my thighs. Flame panted hard, his warm breath ghosting
between my legs. When I felt this new sensation, panic coursed through my
blood. I lifted my chest off the bed. “Flame… stop…”
Flame raised his head up, and with such adoration on his handsome face, he
pleaded, “Trust me.”
 My heart squeezed at the need for my trust in his voice, and I nodded my head
as his hand drifted from my ankle to my thigh. My barrier of resistance was lost
the moment he used that hand to coax my thighs apart, his broad and hard chest
shifting to lay in between.
My eyes shut as Flame’s thumb slipped between my folds, the placement of the
pad of his thumb causing my body to flare with need. “Flame!” I cried out, my
back thumping into the mattress. As his thumb worked faster, I thought nothing
else could ever feel as good. Suddenly his thumb stopped, only to be replaced by
his tongue.
This intimate touch arched my back. I had to find purchase on the bed linen for
fear of breaking apart. I looked down, only to find Flame’s eyes captivating
mine as his mouth and tongue pleasured my core, the metal stud piercing only
heightening the sensation with each swipe. Reaching down to touch this man
who had commandeered my heart, my body, my soul, I stroked my hands
through his hair, only for a lightning bolt of pleasure to seize me in its rapture.
“Flame!” I moaned, as my body tensed and splintered apart.
Gasping, I searched for air. Flame broke away from my core, and crawled
above me, his large thigh opening my legs further. His hand ran down my body
to lift up my thigh, and never moving his beautiful eyes from mine, he pushed
inside of me—slowly, gently… lovingly.
“Maddie… my Maddie,” he murmured repeatedly as he filled me so
completely, muscled hips tenderly rocking against mine. My hands drifted up his
arms, over his neck, and on to the flames tattooed on the side of his head.
And I could feel it.
I could feel the final walls surrounding his fractured soul tear down, and the
true man hidden behind, break through. And he was loving, and he was pure, and
he was… “Mine,” I whispered, Flame’s eyes flaring and his lips parting on a
feral groan at my confession.
“Maddie,” Flame whispered as his arms began to tense, his hips becoming
firmer and more vigorous in their movements. His hand holding my thigh lifted
my leg higher, and that insatiable pressure only Flame could make me feel, built
in mere seconds. His breathing increased in speed, low grunts spilling from his
lips. Then as his hard chest brushed across my breasts and his mouth crushed
against mine, pure pleasure took hold. Lighting me up and making me soar.
On a long groan, Flame stilled, his mouth slipping away and his head tucking
into the crook of my neck. And I held him as tightly as he held me. I held him
so tightly as I gently floated from my high. Flame’s hard muscles bunched and
jerked under my touch.
Silence descended slowly on the room, and a contented smiled graced my lips.
Flame, tired and spent, rolled to the side, his large leg and arm automatically
draping over mine. Turning to face him on our shared pillow, I stroked my hand
down his face, this simple act conveying how so completely he held my heart.
Flame caught my hand, and holding it next to his cheek, rasped, “I’m gonna
board up that hatch in my living room.”
My eyes closed and I sighed a relieved sigh. Flame’s hand clutched mine
tighter. I opened my eyes, only for him to add, “And I’m gonna talk to Asher.
I’m… I’m gonna talk to my… brother… at least I’m gonna fucking try.”
And the tears did flow this time. They poured and they cascaded down my
cheeks. Because I knew he had broken through. My Flame, my tortured boy, had
broken through the last of his defenses. He had found his voice. Flame, my
always and forever, had found his song, like I had found mine.
And through our love, he had finally found the courage to sing.



 Chapter Twenty-Nine

Flame

“And so the psycho returns… again!”
I pulled my bike to a stop in the yard of the compound, Vike already smoking
up the grill, and all the brother’s and their bitches drinking and having a good
time.
I slid off my bike and lifted Maddie from the saddle. I placed her on the ground
and, immediately, her eyes drifted off to the men sitting near Viking. I followed
her line of sight, and there he was, Asher. Sitting next to AK. And the kid was
already watching me, sitting on the edge of his seat.
Maddie’s hand landed on my chest and she said, “Go to him. I wish to say
hello to my sister.”
My heart kicked into high gear, but I dropped my head to Maddie. “Okay.”
Smiling, she lifted to her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips. Then she pulled
away, walking to the group of bitches standing to the side.
Hearing a whistle, I looked back over to my brothers. Styx was waving me
over. Taking a deep breath, I headed to the group who were all sitting on chairs,
eating and knocking back their poison of choice.
A bottle of beer was immediately thrust into my hand. I knocked the top off,
just as Styx signed, “You get your shit sorted, brother?”
I read his hands and nodded my head. Ky sat forward and pointed to Asher.
“Fucking good little brother you got here, Flame. Smart little shit. He’s got a
fucking brain, unlike some of the fucks round here.”
Without looking at Asher, I nodded my head again. But a fucking huge crash of
pride ran through me. Asher was smart. Asher had a fucking chance.
Ky sat back in his chair and shrugged at Styx when I didn’t reply.
Tanner walked toward me. I met eyes with one of the only brothers who
matched my size, and he said, “Got Little Ash set up with new records, social
security and all that shit. Your old man never registered his birth. Had no trace.
But he belongs to the Lone Star state now, brother. Said he was homeschooled
by his mama until she died. Styx told me to get a tutor to get him up to speed
with what he’s missed, which by talking to the kid, will take about five fucking
minutes. I’ve got him in a good school nearby, when he’s ready. Private.
Discrete. Small. Cash exchanged a few hands, not all of it entirely fucking legal,
but at least it’s all done. Your little bro’s here to stay, Flame. He’s the baby of
the Hangmen now. We got his fucking back. All good?”
My chest squeezed in gratitude, but I couldn’t find the words to fucking reply.
The kid had been taught shit. He’d actually been schooled. That was more than I
ever had, and I was so fucking happy about that fact.
Tanner flicked his chin at me and sat down. Then it went real fucking quiet. I
ripped the label off my beer as I built myself up. Taking a real long deep inhale,
I looked up at Asher. I already had his attention. He was still watching me, his
eyes looking so fucking much like Isaiah’s and mine that it was surreal.
Someone coughed, causing me to snap the fuck round and flick my head
toward the line of trees. “Come with me,” I ordered. Asher’s eyes grew wide.
I didn’t wait for him to get up. Instead I took a swig of my beer and pounded
through the circle of club pussy hanging around and onto the raised verge. From
up here you could see right over the forest surrounding the compound and out to
the empty acres beyond.
I heard the shuffling of Asher’s boots first, then his deep breathing. Without
looking back, I flicked my hand. “Sit down.”
I counted six seconds until he dropped beside me. Not too close, sitting about a
foot away. And he didn’t say shit to me, just sat there, head hanging low, eyes to
the ground.
I pictured Maddie and me in that fucking church. And I told myself that this
kid, my blood, wasn’t going anywhere. That he was here to stay and that I
wouldn’t fucking hurt him. I thought it, tried to get it through my head, but it
was real fucking hard to believe.
Taking another swig of my Bud, I lowered the bottle and asked, “You doing
good?”
Asher tensed, then nodded his head. “Yeah.”
I blinked, trying to think what to say next, when I asked, “AK treating you
good?”
Another nod of the head and another, “Yeah.”
 I knew this wasn’t going real well. I couldn’t fucking talk to folk. I couldn’t
ever fucking say anything right. Asher looked out over the woods, but I looked
to my left, watching his face. Fucking seeing me in that face. Seeing the same
kid I once was. And like me, Asher had been kept in that cellar… and fuck
knows what else.
“I ain’t good at talking,” I abruptly blurted. Asher’s face turned to me, and he
swallowed. “I mean, I ain’t good at talking. At all. I don’t read people like others
can. I’m not good with people’s emotions or shit, or mine. I… I always fuck up
things I wanna say, and people get real pissed, and I end up getting killing mad.
It just all goes fucking wrong. All the fucking time."
“I know, Flame.”
I frowned. “You know?”
“Viking and AK have told me that… that you’re different from others. That
you talk different to most people.” He swallowed and said, “They’ve told me
how to speak to you. So, I get it.”
I glanced back to AK and Viking. Viking was fucking around as always, but
AK’s attention was focused our way. I flicked my chin at him, and he raised his
beer in return.
Asher began pulling the grass from the ground, and as I took another sip of my
beer, I noticed his hair. His dark hair, cut in a…
“Your hair’s like mine,” I said. Asher stilled. “You got a Mohawk,” I added, as
my hand lifted to run through my own.
Asher’s face went bright red. “Yeah. I… everyone keeps telling me I look like
you.” He shrugged. “I needed it cut, because poppa never cut it. So I asked for it
to look like yours.”
“I don’t understand. Why the fuck would you wanna look like me?” I asked.
Asher’s expression changed. I didn’t know why his expression changed either. I
couldn’t fucking read him.
“Because… because you’re my brother,” he said under his breath. I froze and
could feel my pulse slamming real fast. “I… I never had a brother before. I was
always on my own. But I often wondered what it would’ve been like if I’d had
someone else there with me. Poppa always talked about you. He said horrible
things, things that he believed in his warped head, things Pastor Hughes had told
him, but I never heard them. I never believed them. He said horrible things about
me that I knew weren’t true, so I thought that was probably true of you too.”
 As his words sunk in, a question came out my mouth. “Did he fuck you? In that
dirt cell, did he fuck you?”
Asher froze, and his head dropped.
“Tell me,” I pushed. “I need to fucking know.” I tapped my head. “I need to
know because it’s all I think about up here.”
“He tried.” Asher whispered, “Every time he came into that cell, he tried. But
he couldn’t ever do it.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, my stomach uncoiling in relief at the fact he didn’t
fuck him. He hadn’t fucked Asher.
Thank fuck.
“It was the drink, I think. He could barely walk after my mama died, when he
put me in the cellar for the first time. He couldn’t get it up, Flame. He’d get mad,
he’d beat me.” He held out his arms. “He even tried to cut me at first, but he’d
almost drunk himself to death by the time you arrived.” Asher sighed, then said,
“Mostly he just kept me in that cellar and called me a sinner, preached his bible
talk to me from above. Don’t think he had the strength to do much else.”
I inhaled a sharp breath, then slowly exhaled, feeling all the concern I’d had,
leave my body. “That’s fucking good,” I admitted. Asher lowered his head
again.
He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. Just as I’d nearly finished my
beer, he said, “I want to look like you because I wanna be like you.”
My head snapped to the kid. “Why the fuck would you wanna be like me?”
Asher pointed at me. “You’re huge, strong, can protect yourself.”
“I lift a lotta fucking weights,” I replied.
Asher shook his head. “I saw what you did to our poppa. I know what you did
to Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul.” Asher threw a handful grass to the ground,
and said, “I used to dream of being able to do that to Poppa, what you did. After
my mama died, when he beat on me with a bat in that cellar, I wanted to hurt
him back. Because he took my mama from me. My mama, Flame. She was such
a good woman. But too weak to cope with him.” Asher sniffed, and quickly used
his forearm to wipe his face.
My head twitched, not knowing what the fuck to do. But Asher pulled his shit
together, and choked out, “Then the older brother I always prayed would come
back and get me, did. And you killed that fucker. You killed him so that he
couldn’t hurt anyone ever again.” Asher started pulling the grass again, and said,
“That’s why I wanna be like you. I don’t want to be hurt by anyone again. I
wanna be able to defend myself, like you. I wanna be able to protect myself,
from people like him.”
I looked at Asher’s size and knew that when he was my age he’d be a big
motherfucker too, but all I said in response was a promise. “No one will fucking
touch you again. You got me, and a fuck load of Hangmen, at your back. And no
one fucks with us. No one.”
Asher was silent, then as his head dropped forward, his breathing changed. I
turned, panicking at what the fuck was wrong, when I saw water in his eyes. I
ran my hands down my face when he said, “Thank you.”
I blew out a breath, and sitting forward, elbows on knees, I put my head in my
hands, feeling like the worst brother on the damn planet. “Asher, I can’t be
touched. Fuck, I can’t… I can’t—”
“I know,” he interrupted, as he wiped his cheeks dry.
“You do?” I rasped, fucking hating myself for being so fucked in the head.
“Yeah, AK explained. Flame, he told me everything about you. I kept asking
about you, so he sat me down and told me. I just want to know you more. And
you never really came out of your cabin, or even talked to me.” He paused, then
added, “But I know you can’t be touched. AK was real clear about that.”
“Right,” was all I could say in response.
Asher looked behind him, and then back to me. “But Maddie can touch you.” I
froze. Holding my breath I nodded my head. “It's all good,” he quickly replied.
Turning a deep shade of red, he said, “She’s real pretty. And… and I’m glad she
can touch you. I’m glad you have her.”
Maddie’s face flashed into my head, and I stated, “She’s fucking beautiful.
She’s everything to me.”
“Yeah,” Asher said, then his face flushed redder still. “And Flame? Will you
call me Little Ash? It’s what I’ve been getting called by all the brothers. Viking
said it was my road name… and… and I like it. It feels new, different, like I’m
someone else. Just, Asher reminds me of—”
“I get it,” I said, cutting him off, knowing I hated the fucking name Josiah just
as much, if not more, as he hated Asher.
“Thanks,” Little Ash replied, and we returned to our silence. Just as I was
about to get up, not knowing what the fuck else to say, Little Ash said, “I really
like all the bikes round here.”
I sat back down to the grass, and said, “I’m good with bikes. Harley’s and
Choppers especially.”
Little Ash smiled up at me and said, “AK told me you can build them from
scratch.”
“Yeah.”
Little Ash dipped his head, then lifted his head, a new expression on his face.
“Would you build me one, Flame? Vike said he’d teach me how to ride, but that
I needed a bike. He said to talk to you about it.”
“Yeah, I could build you one,” I said.
“A black and chrome Fat Boy? Like yours, with Flames on the side? AK
showed me how to use the net. I’ve been reading all about them and how they’re
built. I wanted to understand how you built them in your work shop. Then AK
told me you could customize the paintwork as well. He told me you’d done your
Harley.” He turned his head away and said, “I went and had a look one night
when I couldn’t sleep. And I loved it. I loved the flames and skulls on the side. It
looks amazing, Flame. So if I could, I’d like one just like it. Just like yours.”
A warm feeling spread within my chest, and I said roughly, “Whatever you
want.”
“Good,” Little Ash replied, a smile on his lips.
I frowned at why he was smiling, then he asked, “And can I watch you build it?
In that workshop you got out back?”
I wondered why he’d want to fucking do that. But I shrugged and said, “Yeah.
Never had anyone watch before, but… yeah, okay.”
“Good,” Little Ash said, his voice stronger. He went back to pulling up the
grass, then asked, “And Flame?”
“Yeah?”
“I like living with AK. I get that you ain’t good with people being around you
too much, except Maddie. I know you need space, but, do you think, that maybe,
I could come round your place sometime? Just to, you know, hang around with
you some?”
My chest tightened, imagining having my brother in my house. My brother.
“Yeah.”
 Little Ash breathed out a long breath, then sitting back said, “I think… I think
I’m gonna like it here, Flame. I think I’m… I think I’m gonna like having a big
brother.”
My heart fucking pounded, and not knowing what the fuck else to say, I just
said, “Yeah.”

*****

Maddie

I had watched Flame call Asher over to sit with him. And I had watched as his
back had tensed, and he muddled through a conversation. As I watched, my heart
swelled with happiness.
“I like this look on you, Maddie.” I glanced to my left and looked up to Mae.
Her blue eyes were shining as I took hold of her hand.
“For once, in my whole life, I like being me.”
“Because of Flame?” Mae asked.
I thought about her question. “Mostly, yes. He has brought me to life. But
through him, I feel more at peace with myself. Does that make sense?”
Mae’s hands spread over her slightly rounded stomach, and she replied, “I
know exactly what you mean.”
I tipped my head up at the sky, and embracing its vastness, said, “I never
thought of myself as a strong person. But it is amazing how much strength you
discover you have deep inside, when someone you love depends on you to be
their rock, when they find themselves weak. How much courage you can muster,
when the one you love relies on you to keep him from falling to the ground. And
how much happiness can be harbored within your soul, when you allow
someone into your heart.”
“Maddie,” Mae hushed, “I understand completely.”
I smiled at my sister. “You will make a fantastic mother, Mae.”
Mae’s smile faltered, and her head dropped slightly. “Do you think so?” she
asked nervously. “We never had one, Maddie. How am I to know how to be a
good mother?”
 I squeezed Mae’s hand. “You may not have had a mother, but I have.”
Mae frowned. “You did not, Maddie. You were like me, and Bella. We never
knew our parents.”
“I did,” I countered. Mae shook her head in protest. But I cut in and
pronounced, “I had you.”
Mae’s lips parted in shock, and she whispered, “Maddie.”
“You will be the best of mothers, Mae. Because you and Bella showered me
with an abundance of love. I did not know how to express my emotions back
then, nor could I tell or show you how much you meant to me. But I see it now.”
A tear fell slowly down Mae’s cheek, and she asked, “But you have found your
path now?”
“Yes,” I replied, seeing Flame walking toward me, Asher by his side. “I
absolutely have.”
Flame reached where we were sitting. I stood up and stretched out my hand. He
gladly took it, and I could see the tension at being away from me, disappear
instantly.
Asher stood awkwardly at his side, and I cast him a smile. “Hello, Asher.”
“It’s Little Ash,” Flame corrected abruptly. As I viewed his face, I understood
why.
“My apologies. Little Ash,” I corrected.
“I’m good, thank you,” Little Ash shyly replied.
Flame’s head then snapped up at a young Hangman passing by. “You!” he
shouted. The young man froze on the spot. His brown eyes bulged as they caught
sight of Flame. “Get the fuck here,” Flame ordered.
Smiler rose from his chair across the yard and came over. “Yo, Flame. What
you want with my cousin?”
Flame stared down at the young man and he demanded, “Name?”
“Slash. I’m the new prospect,” the young man replied rather nervously.
“How fucking old are you?”
The young man rocked on his feet. “Eighteen.”
Flame pointed at Little Ash. “This is Little Ash. You’re gonna show him
around. You’re gonna fucking look out for him. You’re both the youngest here,
and that’s how it’s gonna be.”
Slash turned to Little Ash and nodded his head. “You wanna come with, man?
I can show you around.”
Little Ash nodded his head in reply, and began to follow Slash, hands tucked in
the pockets of his jeans. Smiler shook his head at Flame and went back to the
other men. Then Flame shouted. “Slash?”
Slash turned and Flame pointed straight at Little Ash. “He’s my little brother.
Hurt him and I’ll slit your fucking throat.”
Slash paled, nodded his head and scurried away. As Little Ash turned his head
to follow, I caught a ghost of a smile gracing his lips.
I pressed myself into Flame’s chest just as Lilah entered the yard. Seeing me
standing with Mae, she came straight over and hugged me to her chest, then
kissed Mae on her cheek.
Behind us, Ky approached.
“Sweet Cheeks,” he said smiling, winking at his wife. As soon as he reached
Lilah’s side, he threw his arm over her shoulder and tipped her back for a kiss.
Lilah laughed against his mouth.
It was not long before Styx appeared next to Mae, his arm protectively
threading around her waist, his hand laying flat over her stomach.
Styx reluctantly moved his hand and began to sign, my sisters and Ky joining
in the conversation. But I did not pay them attention, instead I glanced around
the yard, at this new strange family I had found myself amongst, feeling safe
under Flame’s arms now draped around my shoulders. Then my eyes fell upon
the window of Styx’s apartment. The apartment above the compound in which I
used to reside. And I remembered those early nights after leaving the commune;
I would sit at the window, staring down at the men I was convinced were evil.
All except one… the man with the dark eyes, who paced the ground outside my
window; eyes fixed on me, as my hand pressed to the glass, wishing I had the
strength to talk to him.
Pressing a kiss to Flame’s arm, feeling his chin rest upon my head, I decided I
liked being down here, living my life, melded to Flame’s heart, and wrapped in
his embrace.
I liked it much better.
Much better indeed.



 Chapter Thirty

Prophet Cain

White tunic.
White pants.
My long hair down.
I was ready.
But as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, all I felt was nausea. And wrong.
Everything about this place screamed to me that it was so fucking wrong.
A light knock sounded on the door that led to the altar. “Come in,” I called.
Phebe entered the room, now freed from her seclusion.
“It is time, my Lord,” she announced and waited at the door.
I frowned. “You are not joining Judah tonight?”
Phebe looked down at the floor. “He has chosen Sarai in my stead. She has
now been awarded the role of Judah’s first consort.” Her head dropped further.
“As his only consort.”
My stomach rolled as I thought of my brother taking that child. I felt sick.
Phebe looked up at me as music began to drift into the room. “My Lord, it is
beginning. We must go.”
Forcing my feet to move, I followed Phebe down the narrow hallway, smelling
the strong scents of burning incense, listening to the instrumental music grow in
volume. My heart beat in time with the fast drumbeat pulsing off the walls. I
prayed to God to get me through this.
Reaching a veiled door, Phebe pointed to the inside. “This is where I leave you.
I am without a partner for tonight. I am not permitted to enter.”
I stared at the door. “How many people are in there?”
Phebe followed my gaze. “Many, my Lord. Perhaps a hundred? This Lord’s
Sharing is meant for only the elders and the disciples. Those who are taking on
the elevated honor of awakening the sisters.”
 My body tensed at Phebe’s words, and I whispered, “Awakenings…?”
“Yes, my Lord. Judah organized for all the appropriately aged girls to be
gathered in commemoration of your attendance. The commune is quite abuzz
that you shall be overseeing so many firsts. They believe it is a significant sign
from God, that we are in his favor.”
Anger filled my veins, then I asked, “And Judah organized all this in my
honor? This many… firsts... did you say?”
“Yes, my Lord. He wishes to honor you greatly. He has been excited all day.”
Waving my hand, I said, “Thank you, Sister Phebe, you may leave.”
Phebe bowed and walked away. I stayed at the door. Because I knew, as much
as I believed in my people’s cause, as much as I believed I was the prophet of
The Order, I knew I could not stand by and—no, I could not bless the raping of
children. Nothing in my faith told me it was right under God’s eyes. Not even
the supposedly revealed words of my uncle.
Then the anger rose again when I thought of Judah. We had barely spoken
more than a few strained words since I released the Cursed sisters. He and
Brother Luke were always together, heads joined in hushed whispers, Sarai
following Judah's every word, like he was the prophet, not I.
His lies about Delilah. His secret plan to kidnap the Cursed before we were
ready. And now this? The organizing of awakenings in my presence. And I
knew.
He was testing me.
My own brother. My twin. My only family... Had lost faith in me.
Hearing the pained cry of a young girl, I plowed through the veil into the
smoky room of the Lord’s Sharing… and the image before me as the smoke
cleared would forever be burned into my memory.
Grown men, of all ages, naked and erect, were braced behind young girls, girls
little older than eight years. And some were already within them. Raping them.
Taking their innocence… devices between their young legs as they lay forehead
to the ground, behinds raised in the air, with their hands clutched behind their
backs.
I fought to hold back the vomit as a cacophony of pained cries assailed my
ears. And then when I stepped forward, a young girl, braced on her knees, her
face red with pain, clashed her gaze with mine. And I knew her in an instant. It
was the young girl from the video. The young girl who was dancing; forced to
dance for me, her pretty young face fighting back tears as she did so.
And here she was, being raped by a grown man, a man that had to be in his
forties.
And I snapped.
That sight, the girl’s tears; a messed up mass rape disguised as celestial
worship… it made me fucking snap.
Rushing forward, I grabbed the man forcing himself on the little girl from the
video. I ripped him backwards. I ripped him backwards, and when his shocked
face stared up at me, I struck. I struck and I struck, my fist pummeling his face
with all the force I could muster.
But I could not stop. Every ounce of anger and resentment, every ounce of
stress that had built up over the last year, was pouring out of me via these fists.
But I did not hear the music stop.
I did not hear children screaming.
I just kept hitting this cunt’s face, blood spraying over my arms and white
tunic. Until finally, someone pulled me off him and I hit the ground.
I scrambled to my feet ready to strike whoever was behind me, when I saw a
familiar pair of eyes—identical eyes to mine.
“Cain,” Judah hissed, his eyebrows pulled down in anger.
My hands shook. Shook so fucking badly that I had to look down at them, only
to see blood coating every inch of my skin.
“He is dead.” My head snapped to my side, as Brother Luke crouched over the
man on the floor. The man that had been beaten so hard by me, that his face was
unrecognizable.
“Cain, what have you done?” Judah asked in shock. And just like that, the
anger that had momentarily dissipated from my body ignited tenfold. I stared up
at the identical face I no longer considered to belong to my twin brother.
“What have I done?” I asked in astonishment. I shook my head, laughing a
humorless laugh. “What have I fucking done?”
Judah stepped back, eyes wide. Then I noticed that he was dressed only in his
tunic pants… as was brother Luke.
My eyes drank in the room. And on the white linens covering the floor were
bloodstains. A mixture of blood and semen from the union of young girls and
men. “What have I done! What have I fucking done!” I roared, and stormed at
my twin, thrusting my hands toward his chest. “What have you fucking done?”
Brother Luke closed in behind me. Spinning round, I slammed my hands on his
chest and screamed, “Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out, before I snap your
fucking neck!” Brother Luke blanched and ran from the room.
I turned to see Judah watching me. And I saw real fear in his face. “Cain?” he
tried to calm, palms high.
I cut him off. “You think this is okay? You think raping little kids while they
scream, being ripped apart by fucking old men, is okay?”
Judah eyes scanned the floor, staring absently at the burning incense and
discarded devices, which kept the young girls’ legs apart. “It is the Lord’s way.
It is one of our most fundamental beliefs. The men, the men need this. It is part
of our faith.”
As I regarded Judah, my jaw clenched and, sweeping an arm over the scene, I
proclaimed, "I am the prophet. And as such, I will be changing our practices.
Starting with this.”
I turned, intending to leave, when Judah reached out and grabbed my arm. I
whipped back round. With a hard face, Judah asserted, “The brothers will not
accept such a change. Not even from you.”
With genuine incredulity, I stared at my twin brother and pointedly asked, “Are
all the men here fucking pedophiles? Are they here in our commune for God and
their souls’ salvation, or to fuck young girls?”
Judah staggered back. He shook his head. “Those men. The evil men you lived
with for five years. They have corrupted your beliefs. Look at how you are
acting. Hear how you are speaking! Hear the sinful words slipping from your
lips!”
“I am nothing like them. But hear this; as fucked up as they are, as evil as their
actions may be, they do not fuck innocent children!” I stepped back, and said
quietly, “How am I alone in seeing this?”
“They infected your soul,” Judah snapped.
Laughing without humor, I pointed at his face, and said, “No, brother. What
you don’t understand is that I fucking hate those men. I want them destroyed as
much as you. They sin, they whore, and they disregard God’s laws day in and
day out. But what living with them did give me is fucking context. You never
left our childhood home, Judah, not once. It was me. It was me who lived in the
outside world for five years, and as much as I hated every fucking second of
being in that hell, it has convinced me that these fucked up sessions are wrong.
Maybe if you had been the one sent on that mission, you would not be standing
here like a pedophilic fool, defending the indefensible!”
Needing to get the hell out of this stifling place, I made for the door, when
Judah announced, “You have lost our faith, Cain. You have been corrupted. You
do not deserve the prestigious mantle of leading our people, not acting like this.”
I stopped dead, and turned round to warn, “Careful, brother, that sounds
dangerously like treason. And treason against the prophet is punishable by
imprisonment.”
Judah’s face turned ashen and, face tight, he fled from the room. I raced back
to my mansion, and into my office. I began poring over the scriptures, set on
creating my own version.
I worked for hours, deciphering and burning old, often unintelligible,
revelations by my Uncle David from his later life. I purged the practices that so
offended, and I put pen to paper, creating new laws and practices that wouldn’t
jeopardize the innocence of our children.
I work so hard that the moon fell, giving way to the lightening sky of a new
day. I worked so hard that I fell asleep at my desk, pen still in hand…
Suddenly, a blow to the back of my head ripped me from sleep. My eyes stung
with the pain of the strike, and my vision blurred. I turned to fight off my
attacker, when a sack was pulled over my head, plunging me into darkness. I
fought to get free, but tight ties were wrapped around my arms and feet. I was
picked up, many hands holding my arms and legs. And I was ripped from my
home into the cold dawn air.
As a light breeze whipped through my tunic and pants, I heard the unlocking of
a door, and the echo of feet pounding on stone floors.
I tried again to get free, I tried to loosen my ties, but they were too tightly
bound. I breathed hard as the opening of another door sounded out. Then pain
racked my body as I was tossed onto a hard floor, the impact causing my head to
crack against a hard wall.
Shuffling sounds surrounded me, then the sack was roughly lifted from my
head. I blinked against the hard bright light. As I focused, I saw four gray stone
walls, the smell of damp and sweat filling my nose.
 Then I looked up. Looked up to find Judah and Brother Luke, along with two
other disciples dressed in black, all peering down at me.
Judah was staring down at me as though I were a stranger. “Release me, now!”
I snapped. My head throbbed at the blows I had taken. When my twin did not
react, I fought against the restraints, then snarled, “As your prophet, I demand
that you release me!” Nobody moved, until suddenly, they turned to leave.
My heart pounded in my chest, and I thundered, “Judah!”
My twin stilled, and walking back into the cell to stand at my feet, he said,
“You, Judah, brother of the prophet.” He pointed at my face and my eyes
widened at his words. “You are charged with treason against The Order. You are
to be incarcerated in this cell until I decide your punishment.”
He turned to leave, when I again screamed, “You can’t do this! JUDAH!!!”
Judah froze in his steps, and turning to me, he shook his head. “No, brother.
You, are Judah.” He reached up and pulled his long brown hair from its band, the
long brown strands falling down his back in the style I, as the prophet, always
wore. “I am Prophet Cain. I am the destined Prophet of The Order. And I have a
holy war to prepare for.”
With that Judah left, slamming the door shut, plunging the cell into darkness.
Leaving me alone. Betraying his own twin. His brother. His only fucking
family…
“JUDAH!”



 Epilogue

Flame

A knock sounded on the door. Pulling it open, AK stood in front of our cabin.
Without saying a word, he handed me two small boxes and a bigger one. My
stomach rolled with nerves as I held them in my hands.
AK cleared his throat. “It’s all there, brother. Good luck, yeah?” He smirked,
then flicked his hand in a wave as he walked back to his cabin.
Turning, I shut the door, just as Maddie walked out of the bathroom. And I
fucking froze. My hands gripped on the boxes as I took in how she looked.
She wore a long white dress with no sleeves. Her long black hair was curled
into waves that fell to the bottom of her back, and she had flowers pinning back
two sections of her hair from the front of her face.
Maddie’s face blushed as I stared. “Maddie,” I rasped.
Running her hands along her dress, she asked, “Do I look okay?”
“You look fucking beautiful.”
Maddie dipped her eyes, then glanced up at me through her long black lashes.
“It is silly, but I wanted to dress appropriately. I,” she swallowed, and fiddling
with her hands, said, “I wanted you to think me beautiful tonight. When we did
this. When we made this commitment.”
A groan left my throat, and I replied, “I always fucking think you’re beautiful.”
“As I do you,” she replied. I looked down at my leathers, boots and cut, and
frowned. I looked the same as always.
Maddie moved toward me and smiled. Her fingers pointed to the boxes in my
hand, and she asked, “You have everything we will need?” I nodded, and
Maddie held out her hand. “Then shall we?”
My heart fired off in my chest, but I let Maddie lead me out of the cabin and
into the woods at the back of our clearing. It was dark and it was cold, but I
couldn’t feel a fucking thing as I watched Maddie walk ahead. In fact, I barely
noticed that we’d arrived at the river.
 Dropping my hand, Maddie turned to face me. “I love being beside the water. I
spent so much of my life indoors, that I adore hearing the flowing stream and
smelling the fresh air. I… I could not think of a better place to do this with you.”
Maddie pointed up at the sky. “The night is clear too. Not a cloud in the sky.
And the stars and moon have come out to watch.”
But I didn’t bother looking up. What the fuck were the stars and moon, when I
had her? I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I could barely fucking breathe.
I could barely breathe knowing this was our fucking wedding day. Or at least
our version of one.
I’d asked her to marry me days ago. I knew it wasn’t done right. But I’d just
been inside her, Maddie stealing my fucking heart as always, and I knew I had to
have all of her. She as mine and me as hers…

*****

We lay in bed, Maddie in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. I could
hear her breathing begin to change from fast to slow, and I knew she was falling
asleep. As her hand pressed on my chest, she released a quiet sigh, I knew this
wasn’t enough. I wanted more than what we had. I fucking wanted it all. I
needed to have her. Have her as mine.
Taking a deep breath, I rolled over, and Maddie slipped beneath me. Maddie’s
sleepy eyes opened in surprise and I took hold of her left hand, and blurted, “I
wanna marry you.”
Maddie’s breathing paused. Her green eyes went huge. And it was several
seconds before she swallowed and quietly whispered, “You… you do?”
I nodded once, my head twitching as I tried to explain how I felt inside. I put
my hand on her face, and said, “I need you as mine. Need you owned and
completely belonging to me. I need you as Maddie Cade. I need to know you’re
never gonna leave me.”
Maddie still didn’t say anything, so I lifted her ring finger to my mouth and
kissed it. But then, placing her hand on my cheek, she said, “Flame, as I lay
here, my heart is racing thinking of something so perfect—marrying you. But we
do not have a faith we follow. And… and I could not stand in front of your
brothers and my sisters to marry you. The idea of being the center of attention
fills me with such fear I can scarcely breathe. I do not think I could go through
with it. Or even speak and betroth myself to you in front of an official. I fear I
would not cope with something like that.”
I sighed, feeling my muscles tense at what she was saying. But when I thought
of a Pastor or an official—some fuck that we didn’t know—I admitted, “Neither
could I.” I blinked. Maddie’s eyes dropped, looking sad. As she did, I felt a
bigger need to have her as my wife.
Lowering my head to meet hers, I pushed, “But I fucking want you, Maddie. I
want you as mine. Fully fucking mine.”
Maddie looked up and smiled. Smiled a huge fucking smile that hit my chest
like a bullet. Maddie placed hand her on the back of my head, and she pulled me
down to her mouth. She kissed me softly, then promised against my lips, “We
will find a way, Flame. As I need to belong to you too. If it is possible to belong
to you more than I already do.”
I crushed my mouth back to hers, and as I did, I imagined my ring on her
finger and my name on her back. I imagined owning her. I imagined finally
having her as my old lady…
Maddie—my old lady.
I didn’t know how the hell we would do it.
But like everything else, we’d have to find a fucking way.

*****

Maddie stepped forward until she was right in front of me, the river flowing
behind. Reaching for the boxes in my hands, she placed them on the ground, and
stood up. Getting to her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I bent
my head down so I could see her face.
Maddie smiled as I lowered to her height, and said, “I love you, Flame. I
cannot wait to become your wife.”
Growling, I pressed my lips to hers then pulled away. Maddie stepped back,
and I picked up the two smaller boxes from the ground. I handed one to her, and
she opened it. Maddie stared at the ring inside, the ring meant for me to wear,
and took it out to hold in her hand. “It is black,” she said, and threw me another
smile.
Doing the same with the box in my hand, I placed her tiny ring in my palm.
Maddie glanced down at it, and whispered, “My ring is black and gold.” She
studied it harder, then stopped breathing. Fixing her attention on me, she said,
“Like flames. The black and gold look like flames.” She sighed. “It is you. This
ring… it will forever be my little piece of you.”
My chest ached as she stared at that bit of gold and I rocked on my feet. I had
no fucking idea how to do this. All this romantic shit. I wanted to tell her so
fucking much, about how she made me feel, what she meant to me, but I knew I
didn’t have the words. I wasn’t built to be able to tell her shit like that. But I’d
fucking show her. For the rest of my life I’d fucking show her every single day.
I just wanted her to be mine.
Property of Flame.
I just wanted her as my wife.
“What is the other box for?” Maddie asked quietly, looking behind me.
I glanced at the only box left on the ground. “I’ll show you after.”
Maddie frowned up at me, but didn’t say anything else.
Then it got real fucking quiet.
Hearing Maddie breathing quickly, I watched as she straightened her shoulders
and stepped even closer to me. Suddenly, she reached down, and shyly took hold
of my left hand with her left hand.
Then those big green eyes I loved so fucking much lifted to lock onto mine.
Maddie’s cheeks flushed pink, and inhaling a long shaky breath, she smiled and
put her right hand over her heart. “I am so nervous,” she whispered, and just
about crushed me where I fucking stood.
“Yeah,” I replied, feeling exactly the same and Maddie squeezed my hand. She
always understood what was going on in my head.
“Because I want this so much,” she then whispered. “I… I just never… it is too
surreal for me, being here, dressed like this, doing this. I… I never ever thought I
could have this. But I have, Flame. And the miracle is that I get to have it with
you.”
My chest clenched so tight and my throat clogged real full. Inhaling through
my nose, I managed to ask, “Is it enough? Is this enough for you without a
Pastor or some official here to make it real? Is this, just us giving each other
rings, legit enough? I’d fucking hate it if it didn’t seem real to you, like a real
wedding.”
Maddie pressed a kiss to our joined hands, and assured, “It is real, Flame. This
is completely real to me. I do not need anyone else here to tell me what I already
know… that I am yours, and you are mine. Our vows to one another tonight are
what matters most, not a signed piece of paper from a stranger who has no idea
who we are as people. What we mean to each other. What we have overcome
together.” She shook her head. “No. This private ceremony of two is as real as it
gets. There is no fuss, no frills. I am purely betrothing my heart and soul to you
tonight, and you I. To me, that is the ultimate expression of our love. And it is
perfect. There is you, and there is me. That is all we will ever need.”
“Maddie,” I groaned, needing to fucking hear those words so much.
Maddie traced the back of my hand with her finger, and with a quiet voice,
said, “I have come so far since meeting you, Flame. I have grown as a person,
but more than that, I have found solace in your arms. A wonder I did not feel I
would ever get. We discovered what love is through each other, and we learned
that we could move on from the horrors of the past.” A tear slipped down
Maddie’s cheek, and her little fingers shook as she gripped hold of mine. “You
are my miracle, Flame Cade. You truly are my soul’s other half.”
My jaw clenched as I held back the fucking lump crawling up my throat, water
blurring my sight, when Maddie laughed a single laugh and shook her head. “I
used to wonder how two people—one broken girl, and one broken boy—could
ever move on from their dark and tortured pasts. But now I know. Together,
that’s how. They fight their way through… together.”
My nostrils flared as Maddie took the large ring in her hand and pushed it
down on my ring finger. And as that fucking piece of metal stared up at me from
my hand, I thought my fucking black heart would explode from my chest.
Using my thumb, I turned it around. Maddie gasped as a gold engraving came
into view. “My Maddie,” she whispered, reading the engraved name aloud.
“Yeah,” I hushed out, unable to find my fucking voice to say much else.
“Flame,” she whispered, “It is perfect.” Maddie traced over the ring’s words
with her finger, tears dropping from her eyes. “Your Maddie,” she whispered
under her breath.
Seconds passed as she stared at the ring on my finger. Lifting her head, she said
with blushed cheeks, “It is your turn.”
 Maddie shifted our hands’ positions so that I now held hers, and I felt my
stomach drop. Gritting my teeth, I said, “I don’t know what the fuck to say.” I
held Maddie’s tiny ring in my right hand, gripping it tight. “I’m not good… with
words, Maddie. I’ll fuck this up.”
Maddie pressed her right hand over my heart and explained, “Just say what is
in your heart, Flame. Here,” She took the ring from my hand and placed it at the
top of her ring finger. “Say whatever you want to say, whatever you feel in your
soul, then push the ring down.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I fought back the growing pit in my stomach, and
said, “I’m shit at talking, Maddie. Can’t ever express myself right.” Maddie
smiled, then looked up at me with the most beautiful fucking expression I’d ever
seen on her face.
Lifting my right hand, I ran it down her pink cheek, and said, “But fuck,
Maddie, I know this. I fucking love you. You fucking saved me. You fucking
understand me. And you’re fucking mine.” I pushed the ring onto Maddie’s
finger, and I caught a damn hit to the chest seeing that black and gold ring sat on
her hand.
Maddie sighed.
And I fucking smiled.
That ring, right there, was my home.
Lifting my eyes, Maddie was crying. “Maddie?” I questioned, but before I
could say anything more, she threw her arms around my waist and pressed her
cheek to my chest.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so very much. Do you know that? I
need you to know how much you mean to me.”
I exhaled, feeling all kinds of fucking right. Because I knew she did. My little
black-haired bitch loved me. I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other
on her head.
She still smelled of strawberries.
We breathed, and stayed that way for what felt like forever, but then Maddie
leaned back, and eyes on mine, declared, “You’re now my husband, Flame. My
forever.”
Groaning, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rasped, “My fucking wife.
Maddie Cade.”
 Maddie tipped her head back, her face beaming, and she whispered, “You
make my heart smile.”
Groaning, I pressed my lips against hers, making this marriage shit iron-tight.
Maddie broke away and, cheeks blushing, said, “I… I want to go home. I
want… I want to be with you.”
My muscles twitched, fucking needing that too, but just as I went to lead her
out of the woods, I caught sight of the box on the ground. Letting go of Maddie’s
hand, I picked it up and handed it over.
“Here. I got you this too. You’re my old lady now. This fucking tells the
world.”
Maddie slowly took hold of the box and opened it. Reaching into the box, she
pulled out a tiny leather cut, her name stitched on the front. “Flame,” she
whispered and turned it over. Her eyes filled with tears again and her finger
traced over the stitching on the back that read, “Property of Flame”.
“I am,” she whispered as a teardrop fell onto the untouched leather, right over
my name. “I am yours. You have no idea how ‘yours’ I truly am.”
My pulse slammed in my neck, and clutching the vest to her chest, Maddie
looked up. “Take us home, Flame. I have the need to make love to my husband.
I want to be as close to you as I can possibly get tonight. I want to cement this
union. I want us to be one.”

*****

I panted, out of breath, my skin slick with sweat. Maddie opened her eyes, her
cheeks flushed with red, the green of her eyes bright next to the flames from the
fire.
Then she smiled. Smiled and, with her hands on my face, her wedding ring
shining in the light, she brought me down to her soft lips. I groaned into her
mouth, then pulled back to hush out, “I love you.”
Maddie blushed and replied, “I love you too,” she smiled, and added, “my
husband.”
I rolled over to lie on my back, Maddie shifting to rest her back against the new
sofa she’d had put in. Maddie had redecorated the entire place. We had furniture,
a large king sized bed… and I’d had the hatch boarded up.
 For the first time in my fucking life, I had a real home.
A real home, for me and Maddie.
Needing to be closer still, I laid my head on her bare lap, Maddie immediately
stroking through my hair. I closed my eyes at the feel of her fingers on my scalp,
feeling so damn happy I could barely fucking stand it.
“Are you okay?” Maddie asked.
Opening my eyes, I held her left hand, and rasped, “Yeah. Too fucking good.
Never knew people could feel like this.”
Maddie smiled at me, and her soft gaze became lost in the flames. But I looked
up higher. I always looked up higher. I did it every night. Every morning when I
woke. I looked up to Maddie’s sketches, now framed above the fire. She’d told
me that these sketches were the life she used to dream she could have. The life
she wished she led. And she broke my fucking heart when I asked if I could
frame them and put them on the wall above our fire—the only bit of decorating
I’d had a part in.
Maddie had gone real quiet for a while, then handed me the old sketchpad that
she’d stopped using a while ago, in favor of a new one. As she handed it to me,
she told me, “You can take those sketches, Flame. It will make me happy to see
my old dreams on our wall. It would make me happy, as nearly all of them have
come true. It will forever remind me that I am the luckiest girl in the entire
world.”
And so I put them up. New ones along the bottom: of her sisters, my bike,
Little Ash on my Harley as I taught him how to ride, Little Ash sitting beside me
in my workshop, “Prospect” cut on his back as I started to build him his bike.
And then there were old ones on top: sketches of our joined hands, the sketch
of my face looking up to Maddie from the page, the sketch of her eldest sister,
Bella, her sister who’d looked just like Mae… and then at the very top, the
biggest sketch of all—the one that held pride of fucking place, the one that
fucking owned my soul, and the one that was my entire fucking heart—Maddie’s
sketch of us. The one she believed couldn’t ever come true. The one that told
me, without needing any words to explain, what she’d wanted for us both, back
when I was still locked under the flames. The sketch I knew by memory—every
stroke, every detail. The one of me holding her, and her holding me back. My
arms around her waist, her tiny fucking hand on my chest and her eyes closed in
happiness.
The one that fucking started it all.
 The one burned forever onto my dark soul.
Opening my eyes, I stared at that picture, as I did all the time, and my heart felt
like it might explode.
Then she started to sing.
My wife quietly sang as I stared at my favorite sketch.
At us.
My Maddie.
Her Flame.





The End



Acknowledgements


Souls Unfractured was a very different type of novel for me to write. It had
such serious and sensitive topics woven into its pages, that, at times, it felt like
my version of conquering Mt Everest! From a first person point of view
perspective, it was the most difficult story I have ever written. Flame was the
most difficult character I have ever attempted to understand and give life. But
my love for him in the aftermath knows no bounds. Flame and Maddie are my
soul. They are the fantasy, the hope that everyone can get their own happily ever
after, no matter how broken they may be.
I do not think I have slept in all the months writing this. The tears were many,
the stress level was high and the coffee and Red Bull consumption was epic! But
we got there in the end.
And, let’s face it, IT’S FLAME! Many people waited a very long time for his
story, so I wanted to make it as true to his character as possible. Hopefully I have
achieved that!
So, to the people who helped me along this very bumpy road…
Dad, your psychological insights were vast and helped me shape this novel into
something I could love. Flame and I thank you! To Mam and Dad, thank you for
being my rock when I didn’t think I could write this novel. And thank the Lord
for Facetime! Love you both!
To my husband. You have put up with A LOT from me over the last three
months. To quote you when I wrote ‘The End’, “Thank God that’s over. That
was the craziest you’ve ever been while writing a novel!” Love you, babe.
Thanks for supporting this neurotic and crazy writer version of me!
Sam, Marc, Taylor, Isaac, Archie and Elias. Love you all. I have abandoned
you all writing this, but now the fun sister/auntie will return!
To my fabulous beta readers: Thessa, Kelly, Kia, Rachel, Rebecca and Lynn.
Your comments and advice were invaluable. You coped with my breakdowns
with understanding and patience. And Rach, huge shout out to you! You steered
me through the threatening waters of defeat, with your texts of, “You got this,
Tills.” Love you, missus. And Matt for no doubt being your sounding board! ;)
Thessa, my personal cheerleader and good friend. You have coached me
through this book every step of the way. Thank you for everything you do. You
are the cog to this machine.
Kelly, and Have Book Will Read Book Blog for hosting my blog tour and being
an epic beta. You are fabulous, and a true friend. Love you!
Ann Rigby. Thank you for talking me through Flame’s—very dark and
complex—state of mind. Listening to your vast and Awe-inspiring medical
experience and knowledge in the field of abuse and self-harm helped me more
than you can ever know with Flame’s character. You deserve a medal for what
you have done for so many broken people in your life. I know in your line of
work you don’t see many happy endings, but I hope Flame and Maddie’s happily
ever after made you smile.
To Ed Williamson for sketching me the most perfect Flame and Maddie
imaginable, and for painting such a gorgeous painting. “My Maddie” will
forever hang in my house, thus so will your genius. So so Beautiful.
Gitte and Jenny from TotallyBooked Book Blog. You support and champion
me. You have become amazing friends (Yes, I may have squealed like a little
girl when Jenny surprised us all in London!). You mean the world to me. And I
love you. That is all.
And a huge thank you to all the many, many more wonderful book blogs that
support me and promote my books. Souls Unfractured had an epic number of
blogs getting behind its release, and for that, you have my eternal gratitude.
To all the fabulous authors that have supported me through this process, thank
you. We have sprinted. We have vented. We made it through. What a fabulous
world I’ve found myself in.
Tracey-Lee, Thessa and Kerri, a huge thank you for running my street teams,
Tillie’s Hot Cole’s and The Hangmen Harlots. And to all of my street team
members—LOVE YOU!!!
My @FlameWhores on Instagram. You ladies are just so bloody brilliant.
What a fab bunch of chicks you all are!
A HUGE shout out has to go to Josh Mario John, my readers’ muse for Flame.
You have kindly embraced the Flame love. My readers and I want to thank you
for your gracious comments and support.
Jodi and Alycia. Love you. To pieces. Always.
My IG girls!!!! You just keep getting better and better! I adore all of you and
your support means them world to me.
And now my readers. The saying goes that you should never talk about
religion, politics or football (Or something else depending what county you
come from). So it still moves me just how much support you give to my Hades
Hangmen Series that breaks at least one of those rules! It does not follow the
usual MC storylines, contains some bizarre twists and turns, and unfamiliar
ideologies and practices that I’m sure would turn many people away. But you
embrace it whole-heartedly. As a writer, to express your academic and personal
passions on the page is a dream come true. These novels are my dream. They are
my life, and so are you for loving them just as much. I can never thank you all
enough for that.
And lastly, to Flame and Maddie. What can I say? You bruised my heart the
entire way through this novel. At times I had to walk away from you in your
deepest darkest moments because your pain was too real for me to endure. But
we kept strong, we preserved, and by the end, you branded yourselves forever
onto my soul.
I used to wonder how three people—one broken boy, one broken girl, and a
hopeful writer—could ever bring the characters from their dark and tortured
pasts. But now I know. Together, that’s how. They fight their way through…
together.


Playlist

The Funeral — Band of Horses
Two of Us On The Run — Lucius
My Blood — Ellie Goulding
Beat The Devil’s Tattoo — Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Gun In My Hand — Dorothy
Down By The River — The Dirty River Boys
Dust to Dust — The Civil Wars
Beautifully Unfinished — Ella Henderson
This Little Light Of mine — Elizabeth Mitchell
Cannonball — Damien Rice
Need The Sun To Break — James Bay
Soul On Fire (feat. All Sons & Daughters) – Third Day
Devil’s Backbone — The Civil Wars
Stolen Roses — Karen Elson
Into My Arms — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Wings (Acoustic) — Birdy
Crash This Train — Joshua James
Sleep Baby Sleep — Broods
Falling For Me — Johnnyswin
The Fire — Kina Grannis
Full of Grace — Sarah McLachlan
I Found You — The Mastersons
Dead Hearts — Stars
Poison Tree — The Milk Carton Kids
Ain’t No Grave — Crooked Still
Two Boys — Sin Fang
Snake Song — Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan
Fear & Loathing — Marina & The Diamonds
True Colors — Cyndi Lauper
All My Tears — Ane Brun
In Your Hands — Joshua Radin
Clarity (Live) — Foxes
Healing Hands — Marc Cohn
House By The Sea — Moddi
As It Seems — Lily Kershaw
Lost — Liza Anne
Broken Ones — Jacquie Lee
Under Stars — Aurora

To listen to this playlist, please follow the link:

https://open.spotify.com/user/authortilliecole/playlist/0zlnIJrwaamlENSACv3zx0

Hades Hangmen Series

It Ain’t Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen #1)
Heart Recaptured (Hades Hangmen #2)
Souls Unfractured (Hades Hangmen #3)

Upcoming Hades Hangmen Novels

Deep Redemption (Hades Hangmen #4)
Damnable Grace (Hades Hangmen #5)
Crux Untamed (Hades Hangmen #6)
Darkness Embraced (Hades Hangmen #7)



About the Author

Tillie Cole hails from a small town in the North-East of England. She grew up
on a farm with her English mother, Scottish father and older sister and a
multitude of rescue animals. As soon as she could, Tillie left her rural roots for
the bright lights of the big city.
After graduating from Newcastle University, Tillie followed her Professional
Rugby player husband around the world for a decade, becoming a teacher in
between and thoroughly enjoyed teaching High School students Social Studies
for seven years.
Tillie has now settled in Calgary, Canada, where she is finally able to sit down,
write (without the threat of her husband being transferred), throwing herself into
fantasy worlds and the fabulous minds of her characters.
Tillie writes Contemporary Romance, Dark Romance, Young Adult and New
Adult novels and happily shares her love of alpha-male leading men (mostly
with muscles and tattoos) and strong female characters with her readers.
When she is not writing, Tillie enjoys nothing more than strutting her sparkly
stuff on a dance floor (preferably to Lady Gaga), watching films (preferably
anything with Tom Hardy or Will Ferrell—for very different reasons!), listening
to music or spending time with friends and family.



Follow Tillie at:

https://www.facebook.com/tilliecoleauthor

https://www.facebook.com/groups/tilliecolestreetteam

https://twitter.com/tillie_cole

https://instagram.com/authortilliecole/

Or drop me an email at: authortilliecole@gmail.com

Or check out my website:
http://tilliecole.com



With Special Thanks

Ed Williamson at Ed Williamson Art
www.williamson-art.com


“My Maddie”

Artist: Ed Williamson