WE FIND TRUTH

YEARNING IN SILENCE
A TOGETHER GAME BY
ORACLE BEN AUDEN ROSWELL
This game is about queer longing. It is
specifically about queer longing
between men, and even more specifically
about queer longing between men who
have not or cannot access queer
spaces. 

You are welcome to play it as

characters who are not queer men. But
if you are not a queer man and you feel
safe and comfortable doing so I invite
you explore masculinity in the space of
this game. 

This is not a game about not having

language—your characters can feel
things deeply. It is also not a game
about limitations—though it may have a
lot of them. This is a game about
language. Ever place you need a word
you do not have is an innovation to
invent one.

TW: Extreme internalized 

homophobia and implied
self harm
to play you
will need:
- About an hour
- A private space or
private voice call
- A partner
- A deck of cards

Before you
begin:
Find a place to sit with your
partner where you can hear each
other with out having to speak up
and where you can see each others
face. If you aren’t in the same
place a video call works—or a voice
one if you need. Don’t choose
anywhere you wouldn’t hav an
intense and private conversation or
where you don’t feel expressing
emotions. 

Also, name the characters you will be embodying and

give them pronouns. This is all you need to begin.

Finally, shuffle the deck together, making sure that

both people touch the deck. If you are playing
remotely each shuffle your own deck at the same time.
Treat this as a centering ritual. Let your hands
touching the cards canter your self. Draw three
cards.
How to Play:
Read this out loud to your partner: 
We have known each other for a decade. I have loved
you you for some some or all of that. You have loved
me for some or all of that. We are about to part for
some time and we must finally speak to each other
plainly.

Sit in silence for a moment with that thought. It will

be the last time you say the word love you in this
game. It will be the last time you see things stated
clearly.

To play the game have a conversation with your partner

in which you try to express the depths of your
feelings for them, what you hope for your
relationship, and how much you will miss them.

You may not say any of the following things. They

are not dirty or wrong you just do not know the
words for them:
- The name of any feeling
- Gay, Queer, or Homosexual
- Fuck in a sexual context,
- How long you will be apart
- Boyfriend or Girlfriend (depending)
- Explicitly what you want from them (you do not
know it yourself)

If you need to express any of these things you may

compare them to something they are like or you may
play a card from your hand.
 PlaY a Card:
When you play a card form your hand you reference a shared
experience of queerness or longing as represented by the
longing oracle below. When you play a card place somewhere
both of you can see or read it out to your partner then
start explain how that experience is like what you are
feeling. Use these shared experiences for stepping stones
to understanding. 

The color of the card (red or black) represents how you

share that experiences. The Suit (spades, clubs, hearts,
or diamonds) shows you what list to pull from . And the
number represents what item on the oracle it is.

Ending the game:

The game ends when either you or your partner
believe you have some to an understanding. Whenever
this happens simply pause and say “I think you get
me now.” Do not discuss what the understanding is.
Sit in silence with each other for a while thinking
about your conversation. 

One the silence has ended you may access every word
you need again. Thank your partner for playing with
you. Ask them if there is anything that came up in
play that you would like to talk about. Ant
unexpected feelings? Any frustration? Let them talk
it out and share any of those feelings you might
have had in return. Let the feeling of being in the
game dissolve and flow out of you. Talk and laugh
with each other until you are sure the game is gone
from you. Thank your partner again..
The Longing Oracle
When you play a card from your hand use this oracle.

RED CARDS:
Red cards are experiences that you directly shared
with each other. Moments from your shared history,
things you witnessed togehter, events that happened
in shared spaces.
BLACK CARDS:
Black cards are experiences that you both have but
didn't share with each other. Moments in a shared
cultural expirence.

Spades and CLUBS AND

Hearts:
Ace – Sharing a Cigarette
Two – A fist on Face
Three – Looking too Long in a
Locker Room
Four – Longing for a
Character
Five – Not Understanding your
Father
Six – Sitting a long time in
Silence
Seven – Touching Shoulders,
Punching Upper Arms
Eight – Long walks at night
Nine – Punching Walls
Ten – Swimming in a River
Jack – Sports as Violence
Queen – Silence
King – Failed Heterosexual
Relationships
Diamonds:
Ace – A Shared Beer
Two – Bloody Knuckles
Three – Sports as Outlet
Four – Buried Regrets
Five – Shouted Insults
Six – Back Alleys
Seven – Driving a Boy Around
Eight – Cooking for One,
Cooking for Teo
Nine – Not Understanding
Your Mother
Ten – Empty Houses
Jack – Dodging Questions
Queen – Never Getting Clean
King – A very late night
party