Top Ten Ways To Improve Happiness Schinnerer 2010

The Top 10 Ways
To Instantly Improve
Your Happiness
By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.
913 San Ramon Valley Blvd.
Suite 280
Danville CA 94526
(925) 944-3440
Guide To Self, Inc. Page 2
Over the past 100 years, psychology typically asked ‘what’s wrong with you?’ Or ‘What’s your
underlying problem?’ This is a mechanistic approach similar to how you would approach a car
that is not running properly. What is broken? Identify the broken part. Replace the old part
with a new part. We aren’t as simple and straightforward as a car, however.
In my experience as a speaker, an author, a psychologist, a coach, a person with depression,

and a person with social anxiety, I have come to the conclusion that we’re all a bit crazy. And
that’s okay. It’s our idiosyncrasies and oddities that make us human and loveable. Besides, I’m
not shooting for ‘normal’ and hopefully you aren’t either. I’m aiming for something way
beyond normal. I am aiming for purpose, passion, meaning.
My goal is to change the emotional landscape for men. I want to change how men view their
emotions, to help them understand that emotions are a normal part of life. We all have them.
Emotions are not feminine. They are human.
And, here’s the most important part. Emotions are manageable. Once we learn to manage
them, we become extremely powerful because we are coming from a place of authenticity
and passion. Then our message resonates with others at a very deep level. And so we begin to
change the world one person at a time – a ripple effect if you will.
So let me ask you this…
What are you doing now that you are passionate about?
What gets you excited to get out of bed in the morning?
What would you enjoy doing even if you weren’t paid to do it?
What are you really good at that also energizes you?
Copyright © 2010 Guide To Self, Inc. (925) 944-3440 John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
In this day and age, there are no questions which are more important. Research has shown
that only a mere 10% of people in the United States are leading thriving, happy, meaningful
lives. Think of how much better the country would be if we brought that number up to 20%.
We’d have higher productivity, more creativity and innovation, greater employee
engagement, better parenting, and a happier place to live.
The best news is that studies are now being done at top universities around the world to
discover exercises that can help us to sustain positive emotions such as happiness,
contentment and love. Research has shown that, no matter how old we are, we can change
our behaviors, thoughts and feelings. And we can change in a matter of minutes! So let me
share some of the wisdom that is coming out lately on happiness and purpose.
How do you go about increasing your happiness?
When you come right down to it, the secret of happiness is loving it all.
A large part of happiness is turning the spotlight of your attention off yourself (internal
attention) and onto others (external attention). Focus your attention on the question of ‘How
can I best serve other people?’ And then make the intentional decision to look for the best in
people, other living creatures and nature. Albert Einstein once said, ‘The most important
decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe.’ Other
people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. By noticing the
good in others that surrounds us daily, we can lift up not only ourselves but others as well.
With that said, here are 10 Proven Ways to Instantly Boost Your Happiness…
1.) Consciously Seek Out the Good in Others
Actively look for good traits and noble deeds in other people. Only use positive and supportive
language. When you compliment other people, be specific about the behavior you are
praising. For example, rather than saying “Nice work,” you might say, “Hey, you did a fantastic
job closing the sale with Ace Hardware!” Remind those around you of their unique talents on
a daily basis.
2.) Become A Capitalizer
How do you turn up the volume on the positive feelings with your loved ones? New research
is uncovering what makes relationships flourish. The work of Shelley Gable at UCLA provides
some valuable insights in transforming your good relationships into great ones and much of it
involves how you respond to the good news of others.
People respond in one of four ways to the good news of loved ones. Your spouse tells you that
she’s just been promoted. Your child tells you that she won Class President. Your friend tells
you she just inherited a large sum of money from a relative. How you respond to such positive
news has a remarkable effect on your relationships and your happiness:
1. An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve
heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely
earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response.
2. A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example,
“That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.
3. Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good
event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility.
Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-
destructive response.
4. Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most
folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the
weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.
The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” and here’s the
fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward
spiral of good feelings. Capitalizing is integral to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. i
So how do you respond to good news from other people? Are you a “capitalizer” who creates
upward spirals of positive emotions? Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good
news of others?
The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust.
Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in
response to their good news are:
 More committed to the relationship

 More in love
 Happier in their marriage
Think about that the next time your spouse comes in the door with exciting news!
3.) Cultivate Self-compassion
Self-compassion has to do with how you treat yourself when things go wrong. Go easier on
yourself. Research at Duke University has shown that people who are kinder to themselves
after mistakes are more resilient and can bounce back from adversity more quickly. In fact,
this is one of the hallmarks of elite athletes – the ability to bounce back quickly from events
that create intense negative emotions (think of losing an NBA Finals game 6 and needing to
come back for game 7. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. The trick is to
picture your self as a small child of 2 years. Now imagine how you would like to be treated as
that 2-year-old. Speak to yourself as you would have like to have been spoken to when you
were two. Forgive yourself as you would like to have been forgiven as a child. It is critical that
we reframe our attitudes around failure. Most of us tend to be hard on ourselves. Mistakes
are merely learning opportunities. Think of yourself as Thomas Edison and fail your way to
success (Edison is said to have failed 1500 times before successfully inventing the light bulb).
4.) Recognize Your Strengths
Few people have any idea what their strengths are. Go to AuthenticHappiness.org and take
the VIA Strengths Survey. You will have to sign up with a user name and password. However,
the test is free and the benefits are enormous.
Find out what your strengths are. What do you do well? What are your talents? Once you
begin using your strengths every day at work, you will increase the degree to which you are
engaged at work. Being engaged in work is similar to being in the ‘zone’ for athletes – you are
more satisfied, time flies, creativity flows, and your talents are maximized. Part of the
challenge is merely the effort to create a common language in which we can converse about
things we do well rather than focus on areas of weakness. Simply being aware of your
strengths will create new opportunities to use them, create more flow and ultimately more
happiness in your life.
5.) Discover Your Purpose
To begin: Think about what you excel at. Think about the activities where you lose track of
your ‘self’. Become more aware of these areas.
Ask yourself...
What makes me ‘really’ happy? (Go outside of your comfort zone!)

Why is it important to me?
How will it serve other people?
When do I want it to happen?
What is the first teeny, tiny step I need to take to make it happen?
And then take the first step. Become comfortable in your discomfort that arises as you step
outside your comfort zone.
6.) Blessings Exercise
Every night write down 3 things that went well for you that day, even if you have had an awful
day. You can still find 3 things that went well. Write them down and then write why they went
well. This is a very simple exercise that has been proven to improve your mood on a long-term
basis. It is an easy yet powerful way to shift your thinking from focusing on the negative to
becoming aware of the positive in your life.
The benefits of cultivating more positive emotions are vast: a longer life span, greater success
at work, higher quality of relationships, and increased productivity, just to name a few. Again,
get comfortable in your discomfort. Take a chance. Step outside your comfort zone. You’ll be
happy you did!
7.) Take a Walk In Nature
In June of 2010, a study came out in the Journal of Environmental Psychology showing the vast
mental health benefits of spending 20 minutes per day in nature. Twenty minutes surrounded
by trees, birds, plants and fresh air increases vitality, energy, mood and happiness. One of the
best ways to get energized is to reconnect with nature. Numerous studies have linked
increased energy and well-being to exposure to nature. A simple wilderness excursion leads
to increased feelings of happiness and better immune system functioning.
Even the mere act of remembering an outdoor experience boosts happiness and health! The
immersion in nature helps to stave off feelings of exhaustion and serves to refill our emotional
gas tanks. A full 90% of individuals state that outdoor activities increase their vitality. Nature
helps us to flourish.
8.) Rekindle Your Sense of Humor

The International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine reported in June 2010 that having a sense
of humor helps people stay healthy and increases chances of living past the age of 70. A sense
of humor has a positive effect on your mental health and social life. People like to be around
those who laugh easily.
However, it’s not enough to simply be quick to laugh. It doesn’t have to be externally
expressed to be effective. It’s about how you think. One who has a great sense of humor
amuses him or herself. In other words, he is good company for himself. And your sense of
humor can be improved upon through practice and awareness. Part of this is learning to see
routine situations in new ways. So cultivating flexible thinking becomes important.
9.) Get Physical
You only have one body in this lifetime. Are you taking good care of yours? Studies show that
individuals who exercise more than 20 minutes per day, sleep at least 7 hours per night, and
eat healthy foods that are naturally colorful have higher levels of happiness and well-being.
Have you worked out today? If not, take a brisk walk for 15-20 minutes (outside in nature of
course!) to increase your level of happiness and satisfaction with life.
10.) Keep a Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories
Another exercise that has been shown to increase happiness is reliving memories of
wonderful times. This exercise is as simple as focusing your attention on a positive event in
your past. It might be a big athletic event, a wedding, the birth of a child, finishing school or a
promotion. This activity may be combined with actual physical reminders of the past, such as
photos, ticket stubs, trophies, college degrees, and printed testimonials. You can also create
your own positive scrapbook using most cell phones these days. Simply create a folder in
which you keep photos of positive events. Start your own collection today.
The main idea here is to savor the experience, to pay close attention to sensory details, to
squeeze every last ounce of positive emotion out of the experience.
So there you have it – ten proven ways to bump up your level of happiness and well-being. If
you are new to all of these, simply put one into play each week for ten weeks. Start with small
steps and increase gradually. When used mindfully, each one of these small pieces will add up
to a happier life!
About the Author
John Schinnerer holds a Ph.D. in educational psychology from U.C. Berkeley. He has been an
executive, speaker and psychologist for over 12 years. John Schinnerer is Founder of Guide To
Self, a company that coaches men to well-being and success. He wrote the award-winning,
“Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought.” His blog, Shrunken
Mind – Using Positive Psychology to Master Life, was recently recognized as #1 in positive
psychology on the web by PostRank (http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com) and as one of the
Top 100 blogs on the web by The Daily Reviewer. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of
Guide To Self Radio, a daily prime time radio show, in the SF Bay Area. John Schinnerer’s
areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to anger
management, to executive coaching. His offices are in Danville, California.
To book John for a speaking engagement, coaching or training, call now. (925) 944-3440. Or
visit the website at http://www.GuideToSelf.com.

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The Top 10 Ways

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

In my experience as a speaker, an author, a psychologist, a coach, a person with depression,

So let me ask you this…

How do you go about increasing your happiness?

1.) Consciously Seek Out the Good in Others

2.) Become A Capitalizer

 More committed to the relationship

3.) Cultivate Self-compassion

4.) Recognize Your Strengths

5.) Discover Your Purpose

What makes me ‘really’ happy? (Go outside of your comfort zone!)

6.) Blessings Exercise

7.) Take a Walk In Nature

8.) Rekindle Your Sense of Humor

9.) Get Physical

10.) Keep a Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories

About the Author

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