WE HUMANS

6 everyday comments and questions

that are actually racist
Feb 25, 2022 / Blair Imani

Racism does not occur exclusively in flashpoint moments of violence; it is

also like a poisonous mist that slowly kills us. This reality of interpersonal
racism is often described as “everyday racism” or “casual racism.” Yet these
phrases may falsely imply that the severity and dangers of racism should be
downplayed.

In 1970, Harvard psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce PhD coined the term

“microaggression” to describe the dismissive, insulting and disrespectful
treatment suffered by Black individuals at the hands of non-Black
individuals, and this word is often misunderstood as minor or
inconsequential racist actions. However, microaggressions are not small, nor
should they be taken lightly. Microaggressions can be better understood as
“death by a thousand cuts,” which can be detrimental to a person’s health,
safety, opportunities, livelihood, personhood and more.

While overt acts of racism — such as physically harming someone due to

racist beliefs — are what we most commonly associate with interpersonal
racism, racism takes many forms. Microaggressions have become so
ubiquitous that those who commit them might not consider them to be racist.

Below are examples of some common comments and questions that are
rooted in racism, with explanations of why they should be avoided.

1. “I don’t even see you as [racialized identity]. ”

When we say something like this, not only does it ignore and minimize the
identity of the other person, but it also indicates that in systems of white
supremacy, we can only humanize individuals when we separate them from
their racialized identity. Sharing our perceptions about someone’s racial or
ethnic group is never complimentary – it’s actually insulting and racist. It’s
crucial to work on why we might view someone as an “exception” to our
racist assumptions instead of evaluating how the assumptions we may hold are
racist.
2. “You must be good at [insert activity stereotypically associated
with a racial or ethnic group]. ”

The fallacy that race has a biological basis has resulted in the untrue notion
that certain racialized groups have particular skills or proclivities for particular
activities. The best way to figure out someone’s interests and talents is to get
to know them personally, not to make assumptions based on their racialized
identity.

3. “You are so articulate/well spoken. ”

When we act surprised that an individual exceeded our racist assumptions

about them, it says more about us than it does about that person’s capacity.
These harmful statements reveal the racist perception that racialized people
are at an “intellectual or cognitive disadvantage” to white people. In general,
we should compliment people on the substance of their work, not their ability
to communicate that work. However, this praise may be appropriate in the
case of oratory or speech-related actions.

4. “Do you know [other racialized person]?” or “You look just like
[other racialized person].”

A major aspect of dehumanization is the failure to recognize that people are

individuals and are not connected to every member of their racialized group.
Assuming that all members of a racialized group know each other or look
alike is racist. When commenting on who looks like or may know whom, we
should be mindful whether we are making a genuine observation based on
what we know to be possible or whether we’re making racialized assumptions.

5. “What are you? ”

This question is often heard by people whose external appearance cannot be

easily categorized based on popular understandings of racial groups (and,
unfortunately, “a human being” never seems to be a satisfactory answer). The
question stems from the impulse to easily and quickly categorize a person by
racial group and strips someone’s personhood away from them (the goal of
racism). No one is entitled to know the details of someone’s racialized identity
or ethnic heritage.

6. “Where are you really from? ”

Usually asked as a disbelieving follow-up to “Where are you from?”, this

question typically does not come from genuine interest in someone’s national
or cultural origin. It actually comes from the racist inclination to racialize and
categorize people according to race.

If someone tells you where they are from, believe them. Unless our job is to
check passports or work on the census, we don’t need to know where someone
is from. Even if this line of questioning is not meant to be offensive, it is a
common microaggression that racialized people experience. It’s important to
learn about people in intentional and authentic ways, accept the personal
information they choose to share without interrogating them, and check our
biases along the way.

In getting smarter about interpersonal racism, it’s common to reflect on

what we may have gotten wrong in the past and to want to reach out to
people whom we have said harmful things to and make amends. Since
racism creates power dynamics, it’s likely that the harmed person didn’t speak
up about it because they weren’t in a position of power to do so or because our
actions violated the basic tenets of a relationship based on mutual respect.
This is one reason why it can be uncomfortable to get smarter about racism —
we gain greater context and understanding about how we have failed in the
past.

While it can be upsetting to know we’ve done something harmful,

acknowledging harm is not nearly as upsetting as experiencing harm.
Learning is a blessing, not a burden, and learning about the ways in which we
can stop ourselves from being harmful is a privilege. If you have hurt
someone — as many of us have at some point or another — the best way to
demonstrate improvement is to do better. But we must take responsibility for
our own improvement, not make it the responsibility of others.

If you realize while reading this that you may have done something that
was problematic or hurtful to another person, stifle the impulse to
immediately reach out. Instead, first examine what led you to take that action
in the first place and how you can work to prevent similar action in the future.
Also consider whether it would cause more harm or distress to reach out or if
the best course of action is for you to simply do better in the future.

It is not the responsibility of the people we have harmed to make us feel

better or alleviate our guilt. We must take care not to center our own
feelings rather than recognize the work we must do going forward. Sit with
the discomfort that you have done something racist, and let it motivate you to
avoid such behavior in the future.

Reprinted with permission from the book Read This To Get Smarter about
Race, Class, Gender, Disability, and More by Blair Imani copyright © 2021.
Published by Ten Speed Press, an imprint of Penguin Random House.