Expectations

One of the fastest ways to create unhappiness and instability in a relationship is through
disappointment. And very few things create disappointment as quickly as unmet expectations.But, there
are typically two common relationship problems with expectations in a relationship:

Unrealistic expectations

unclear expectations

Oftentimes, couples struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they are simply unrealistic. It’s
important to understand that our expectations often derive from other people, past experiences,
beliefs, or internal values. But, that doesn’t change the fact that they are sometimes very toxic to our
relationship. Alternatively, couples sometimes struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they
simply don’t know what the other one expects from them or in their relationship. Now, maybe you are
pretty certain about what YOU expect from your relationship and your partner, but that doesn’t mean
that your partner can read your mind, which means they most likely have no clue what you expect. If
you want to avoid unhappiness in your relationship, it is your responsibility to be very clear about your
expectations and share those with your partner. If in doing so, you come to realize that some of your
expectations might be slightly unrealistic, or even impossible to meet, you might want to review where
that expectation comes from and what is more important – being unrealistic or being happy.

2. Communication

One of the most common relationship issues that couples face is communication. There is often either a
complete absence of communication, constant miscommunication, or very poor communication. The
end result is almost always frustration, unhappiness, and unmet needs. Many times the root cause of
the communication issue is in “interpretation.” You misunderstand what the other person is saying and
spend too much time and energy arguing a point your partner never intended. It’s a futile exercise. It is,
therefore, essential to take the time to fully comprehend what your partner is trying to say. Also, if
you’re the one talking, it’s important to make sure you’re communicating clearly and exactly what you
mean so that your partner can understand. You need to recognize the fact that their perspective is not
the same as yours.Their experiences, points of view, and even baggage are not the same as yours. But
good communication demands empathy. It’s to see the world through their eyes as much as possible
and then treat them the way that you would treat yourself.

3. Unsupportive partner

Another common relationship problem occurs when a partner is unsupportive of goals and interests.
When you are in a relationship, you want to treat your partner like they can be whatever they want to
be. You want them to follow their dreams and will do anything you can help support them along the way
– and you expect the same in return!
4. Finances

One of the most common relationship problems couples will admit to are troubles in the relationship
with finances. Not having enough money or not knowing how to split your financial burdens, as well as
loss of jobs, a lack of money, poor money management, debt, and overspending are all common issues
that can put pressure on relationships.Discuss your finances when your relationship gets serious, and be
honest about any debt you may have. Rely on one another if money gets tight and never stop
communicating.

5. Cheating and other forms of infidelity

wife secretly talking on phone and husband sleeping Cheating is a huge issue in relationships today. The
internet has made all forms of cheating as simple as downloading an app. Sexting, emotional affairs,
porn, sneaking around, and physical relationships with someone other than your romantic partner are
all huge issues that damage relationships, sometimes irreversibly.Infidelity is a hard subject to broach
with your romantic partner, but it is in the best interest of your relationship to let your partner know
when you are emotionally or physically checking out. You owe it to yourself to give your relationship
another shot. Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication
or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship.

6. Not enough time spent alone

Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together. This is
especially true for couples who have children. Between work and family obligations, you sometimes feel
more like roommates than romantic partners. This is because you have stopped ‘dating’ one another.
Such circumstances can make a romantic partner feel unappreciated, unattractive, and emotionally
frustrated.Call up your favorite babysitter and establish a child-free date night once a week with your
spouse. This allows you to reconnect as a couple instead of as parents. Go on dates and treat one
another like you’re still trying to woo each other.

7. Boredom

Boredom is a common problem in long-term relationships. Being with the same person for many years
can seem to take the ‘spark’ out of your union. You may also feel you have outgrown one another. Don’t
despair or give up. You can reverse this feeling by looking for new ways to connect with your partner.
Look for new things to do together such as travel or take up a hobby. This will help you bond over
something fun and exciting.

8. Sexual intimacy
As the years go by and your relationship becomes seasoned, there will likely be a point where your
sexual flame will dim. There could be a multitude of reasons as to why you or your partners in sex has
dwindled, but no matter what the cause is, this decrease in sexual intimacy tends to cause common
relationship issues.In order to avoid such problems, there are a few important things that you should
consider:As you spend more and more time with someone, the act of sex becomes predictable. In most
cases, the more predictable the sex, the less fun it is to have. Think about your favorite movie for a
second. When you first saw it, you were enthralled. You watched it over and over again, enjoying every
viewing. But after 10, 20, or 30 times seeing the same plotline play out, you only pulled it out for special
occasions. Your sex life is just like that favorite movie. So, spice things up. Your favorite movie’s plotline
is set in stone. The plotline between you and your spouse’s sexual experience can be changed any time
you want it to. Get creative, get ambitious, and understand that it’s not the other person’s fault. It’s just
that, although you enjoy having sex, it’s just the same thing over and over again. Try something new
today.Your expectations for your sex life may be a bit unrealistic. As your sex life loses steam, you likely
are replacing more love and appreciation in the void left behind. Instead of harping on the lack of sex
you’re having, take a moment and be grateful for the person you get to lay your head down next to.

9. The anger habit

The anger habit soon gets ingrained, and before you know it, you’re spending a large chunk of time
fighting with your partner.Think about it – if someone is angry and shouting at you, how likely are you to
listen carefully and look for a solution?Most people, understandably, react to anger with either anger or
fear.

10. Not consulting each other

Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by consulting them before you make decisions.Big
decisions like whether to take a new job or move to a new city are obvious life choices that should be
discussed with your spouse.But don’t forget to include them in smaller decisions such as who picks up
the kids tonight, making plans with friends for the weekend, or whether you eat dinner together or grab
something for yourself.

10 signs of relationship problems that hurt the most

All relationships have their highs and lows, even the happiest of ones. There is no escaping them, and if
not dealt with accurately, they can lead your relationships towards absolute chaos and destruction.

Here are 10 signs your relationship is having problems:You both spend less amount of time
together.There is minimal communication.You both are critical of each other. One partner indicates that
the relationship is not going well. Differences of opinions are criticized worked upon. You both are
always defensive in front of each other .You both have stopped discussing long-term plans. You set
other priorities over your relationship. Maintaining the relationship feels like a duty .You are happier
when they are not around and vice versa

30 relationship problems and solutions

wife bored and husband sleeping

Now, how to solve relationship issues?

Common relationship issues are not hard to solve; all you need for that is a strong will to work on your
relationship issues, and love, of course.

Here are some common marriage problems and the solutions for how to resolve your relationship
problems that you should know about.

When wondering about how to solve relationship problems, it can be useful to read first and then bring
the conversation up about how to handle relationship problems with your partner.

1. Lack of trust

Lack of trust is a major problem in any relationship.

Lack of trust isn’t always related to infidelity – it can rear its head any time. If you find yourself
constantly doubting your partner or wondering if they’re truthful with you, it’s time to tackle your trust
issues together.

Relationship problems will keep mushrooming when there is a dearth of trust in a relationship.

Solution:
Be consistent and trustworthy. Each of you should make an effort to be where you say you’re going to
be and do what you say you’re going to do. This is one of the best solutions to marriage problems.

Call when you say you’ll call. Never lie to your partner. Showing empathy and respect for your partner’s
feelings also helps to build trust.

2. Overwhelm

When life gets too much, you get overwhelmed. Maybe you’re in the midst of going after a promotion at
work. Maybe they’re dealing with a troubled teenage son or daughter.

Whatever the reason, your relationship soon takes a back seat. Then relationship problems keep
building up.

Solution:

Talk to each other about what’s happening, and about what kind of support each of you needs. Lean on
each other instead of getting so caught up in other issues that they drive a wedge between you.

Figure out together a time that will be just for you two.

3. Poor communication

Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, fights, and frustration. It also leads to one or both of
you feeling unheard and invalidated and can quickly build into resentment and other common
relationship issues.

Solution:

Communication is a skill like any other, and learning it can make all the difference to your relationship.
Learn how to listen without judging or interrupting, and how to get your point across without attacking.
Communicate with each other as friends, not combatants. Figure out what your communication style is
and how compatible it is with your partner.

Work your way towards the solution by understanding what communication style would work better for
both of you.

Also watch:

4. Not prioritizing each other

It’s so easy to take your partner for granted, especially when you have a lot of things going on. Before
you know it, the only time you get together is over a hurried family dinner or while trying to get out the
door in the morning.

Solution:

Make time for each other every single day. No matter how busy you are, carve out fifteen or thirty
minutes; that’s just for the two of you to talk and spend quiet time together.

Text regularly throughout the day. Add in a weekly date night to make sure your partner knows they’re
your priority.

5. Money stress

Money is a leading cause of stress in relationships. Maybe there’s not enough. Or maybe there is
enough, but they spend it while you prefer to save. Perhaps you feel they’re too tight with the purse
strings.
Whatever the issue, money can quickly cause problems.

Solution:

One of the tips to fix old relationship issues regarding finances is to put those good communication skills
to work here and have a serious talk about money. Figure out a budget that you both agree on and stick
to it.

Work out a financial plan for your future and take steps towards it together. Make crystal clear
agreements and keep them.

6. Changing priorities

We all change as we move through life. Maybe you were both ambitious once, but now you’d rather live
a quiet life. Perhaps your partner is no longer enthusiastic about your shared dream of buying a house
by the sea.

Changing priorities can cause a lot of conflicts.

Solution:

Look for what you both still have in common while allowing your partner to change and grow. Embrace
who they are now instead of pining for the past.

If you have different priorities about major lifestyle issues, look for common ground, and compromise
that you are both happy with.

7. Chore wars
It’s easy to lose your temper when it feels like you’re the one taking out the trash for the hundredth
time in a row, or you get home from overtime to find the house is a tip. Chore wars are a leading cause
of conflict in relationships.

Solution:

Agree together on who is responsible for what, and stick to it—factor in a little flexibility for when one of
you is much busier than usual.

If you both have different ideas of what constitutes a neat home, it might be time for a little
compromise.

8. Different intimacy needs

Problems with your sex life are stressful and can have a big impact on your relationship. If one of you
isn’t happy or you’re finding you have widely different intimacy needs, it’s time for a serious talk.

Solution:

Carve out time for intimacy. Arrange for someone else to take the kids once a week, or make the most
of any time you have alone at home together.

Sex keeps you feeling physically and emotionally close, so make sure you are both happy with your sex
life.

9. Lack of appreciation

couple facing in opposite direction

It doesn’t come as a surprise to you that bad bosses compel good workers to quit? Up to 75% quit their
job not because of the position itself, but because of their boss who never expressed appreciation.
Being taken for granted is one of the fundamental reasons for breakups.

Solution:

Appreciation is what keeps us motivated and committed, both in our work and our relationships.

Remembering to compliment or notice the things our partner shows, we are grateful and increases the
overall satisfaction with the relationship. Saying thank you goes a long way.

10. Children

Having kids is a blessing, but it requires a lot of dedication and effort. This can cause a strain on the
relationship when partners disagree on the way they want to raise children, address problems that
occur, and spend family time.

Solution:

Talk to your partner about why they think something should be done differently and share your
reasoning. Often, we are repeating or trying to avoid patterns we were raised by.

Get together and spend some time understanding where the need to do things a certain way is coming
from. When you understand, you can change and create a new way to parent that works for your family.

11. Overinvolvement

When we find the person, we love we want to share everything with them and to have them do the
same. However, this can lead to feelings of losing one’s individuality, feeling of freedom, and a sense of
accomplishment.
Solution:

What does it take for you to be your own person while being their partner? Think of areas that you want
to keep to yourself that give you a feeling of achievement and freedom.

It might be a hobby or doing sports. Talk to your partner so they don’t feel rejected by this new change
and introduce it gradually.

12. Infidelity

What each of us defines as infidelity and where we draw the line can differ. Infidelity means various
things to different people. Infidelity can encompass, besides the sexual act, flirting, sexting or kissing.

When infidelity has occurred, trust is broken, and a person can feel betrayed. This can snowball into
many other issues and problems.

Solution:

Talking about what infidelity is for you and your partner is important. They may hurt you inadvertently
because, for example, they don’t find flirting a problem.

When something has already occurred, there is a choice to be made. A couple can try to regain trust and
rebuild or end the relationship. In case the first one is chosen, seeking professional help can be a wise
decision.

Figuring out marriage challenges and solutions and learning how to work out relationship problems is
much more productive with counseling.

13. Significant differences

man busy playing video game and woman sitting sadly

When there is a critical difference in core values, the way partners approach life, and challenges, issues
are bound to happen.

For example, it might be that they are more spontaneous or hedonistic, while you plan more and save
rather than spend. Nonetheless, if your views and expectations from life differ considerably, you are
bound to argue.

Solution:

When there are core dissimilarities between you, you might wonder if you are suited for each other. The
answer is – it depends. What kind of change would you both need to undertake for this relationship to
survive?

Are you willing you make that change, and how much will it “cost” you? If you decide you can and want
to change, by all means, give it a go. This is the only way you will know if the change is enough for this
relationship to succeed.

14. Jealousy

You might be in a happy relationship for a long time before noticing the first signs of jealousy. They
might act fine at first but slowly change.

They start asking for your whereabouts, distrusting you, checking up on you, distancing or stifling you,
and demonstrating concern about your affection towards them.

Often this behavior is a reflection of previous experiences that were triggered by something that
happened in the current relationship.

Solution:
Both partners need to make an effort. If your partner is jealous, try to be transparent, predictable,
honest, and share. Give them time to get to know you and trust you.

However, for this to be solved, they need to make a separate effort to change their anticipations and
work out their concerns. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and this line needs to be
redrawn.

15. Unrealistic expectations

If you are human, you have unrealistic expectations; no one is free of them. Nowadays, we might expect
our partner to play many major roles: the best friend, trusted companion, business partner, lover, etc.

We might expect our partner to know what we want without saying it, advocate fairness at all times, or
strive to change the other into what you desire them to be.

This can lead to misunderstandings, repeated quarrels, and misfortune.

Solution:

If you want to solve a problem, you need to comprehend it first. Ask yourself – what is it that you feel
entitled to? If you could wave a magic wand and change things, how would the new, pink reality look
like?

What are you doing at the moment that you feel could get you there?

When you grasp what you are expecting to happen, but reality and your partner are depriving you of it,
you can start to look for ways to ask differently or ask for different wishes.

16. Growing apart

So many things on the task list, and there is only one of you. How long ago did you stop including things
to do with your partner on that list? Drifting apart happens bit by bit, and we don’t notice.

You might wake up one morning and realize you can’t remember the last time you had sex, a date, or a
conversation that is more than organizational.

Solution:

A relationship is like a flower, and it can not blossom without nourishment. When you notice the signs, it
is time to act. It will take time to cross the distance that has been created, but it is possible.

Prioritize your time together, bring back old habits and activities you did together, laugh, and take time
to reconnect.

17. Lack of support

When life hits us hard, we cope with it the best we know. However, often our coping skills are not
enough, and we need support. Lack of support from a partner can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety,
and feeling overwhelmed.

Long-lasting lack of support also affects the way we value the relationship we are in, and satisfaction
drops significantly.

Solution:

If you don’t ask, the answer is certainly “no.” Talking about what we need and what we can provide can
clear the air of unrealistic expectations.

Unspoken and unfulfilled needs lead to negative beliefs about the relationship.
Understanding what our partner can provide helps adjust what we come to them for and look for
alternative sources of support while our partner works on becoming one of the main pillars of
encouragement and comfort again.

18. Addiction

Substance addiction can put a serious strain on a relationship.

Partner’s addiction can cause a significant effect on the family budget, cause many arguments, increase
trust issues, cause ignorance and neglect of children and other family members, and impair overall
relationship happiness.

Solution:

Couple problems can be worked out with couples therapy. Counseling can be enormously helpful as it
helps both partners deal with the issues arising simultaneously.

Understanding what triggers prompt addiction and building new habits as a couple promotes healthier
ways of addressing problems. Individual therapy is recommended as well for both partners.

It can help understand the roots and patterns leading to addiction, and provide support to the non-
addicted partner.

19. Moving at different speeds

Do you find yourself in a current relationship uncomfortable with the speed the relationship is
progressing?

You might find your new partner moving more rapidly, wanting to spend more time together, constantly
calling or texting, wanting to go away together, or you meeting their family?
Alternatively, you could be in a relationship that is not progressing the way you hoped it would, and the
milestones you desired are not being reached.

When you and your partner need different speeds and intensities of intimacy and commitment, you may
argue.

This can lead to becoming terribly upset over seemingly little things, pulling away, and questioning
whether this person is for you.

Solution:

Don’t sweep things under the rug rather address what is happening. Avoiding problems is not the best
relationship solution.

What kind of reassurance or demonstration of love would bring you back on the same level? How are
your needs different, and what can each of you do to find the middle ground?

20. Lack of responsibility

When one of the partners avoids taking responsibility, it can cause severe damage to the partnership.
Money struggles, child neglect, fighting over chores, or playing the blame game can happen daily.

One of the most detrimental factors to the relationship is a significantly uneven distribution of
responsibility amongst partners.

Solution:

When addressing this issue, the first thing to do is to stop the blaming game. If change is to occur, you
need to look forward, not backward. If the change is to be long-lasting, it needs to happen gradually.
Overwhelming a partner to make up for all this time of dodging responsibilities will just prove they were
right to steer clear of them.

Give forgiving a shot as it has been linked to relationship success. Also, agree on the pace of change and
the first things to share accountability for.

21. Controlling behavior

Controlling behavior happens when one of the partners expects the other to behave in certain ways,
even at the expense of the wellbeing of the other partner.

This kind of toxic behavior deprives the other partner’s freedom, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.

Solution:

Controlling behavior is a learned pattern of behavior from primary family or previous relationships.

At one point in life, this was beneficial for the controlling partner, and they need to learn to express
affection differently. Speak up, set boundaries and adhere to them, and, if possible, try couples
counseling.

22. Boredom

All relationships undergo periods of fun and boredom. However, when the feeling of monotony and
apathy color, most of the days, it is time to react.

Allowing to fall into a daily routine and go with the flow can lead to decreased libido and overall
satisfaction with the relationship.

Solution:
Think back to the honeymoon phase and recall the things you did as a newly formed couple. What is
available from that list today, and what do you still feel you could enjoy?

Make a conscious decision to add spontaneity into the relationship to start the upward spiral to a more
eventful relationship.

23. Outside Influences

a couple arguing

All couples are exposed to outside influences and opinions on how things should be done.

Some influences are benign, like grandparents’ occasional babysitting, while others can be detrimental,
like disapproval of one spouse by the family or friends of the other.

Solution:

Your relationship comes first, and everyone else’s opinion is secondary. Show each other support and
that you are a united front against the world.

To resist the influence, you can limit the amount of time spent with or personal information you share
with the family members or friends trying to impact you.

Marital problems and solutions may appear quite similar on the outside, but no one knows better than
you what you need to make it work.

24. Ineffective argument

Arguments are a part of every relationship. However, the way fights are led, and what is their outcome
can have a big impact on the relationship.
Disagreement can be helpful or destructive, depending on what you do with them. Having the same
fight over and over, losing your temper, or saying things you regret later is bound to make you feel it’s
not worth it.

Solution:

After an argument, you should feel you have made progress in understanding where your partner is
coming from.

A good fight is one after which you have agreed on what can be the first step both will take to resolve
the issue. Start by listening to hear the other side, not only by waiting for your turn.

Research together ways to fight better and only ever focus on the next step needed to take.

25. Keeping a scoreboard

When you keep blaming and recalling mistakes each of you has made, you are keeping a virtual
scoreboard of each other’s faults. If being right is more important than being with the other person, the
relationship is doomed.

This leads up to a build-up of guilt, anger, and bitterness and doesn’t solve any problems.

Solution:

Deal with each problem separately unless they are legitimately connected. Focus on the problem at
hand and speak your mind. Don’t let it build up and mention it months later.

Decide if you want to save the relationship and if you do, learn to accept the past as is and start focusing
on where to go from here.
26. Life gets in the way

In a relationship, it’s usually the priority to nurture and develop the connection. When life is a persistent
inconvenience, it means one or both of you were not necessarily ready to get involved, and that can
happen.

Solution:

Unexpected encounters with another person occur all the time. But when they do, it’s essential to allow
it to flourish- placing it first over the chaos.

When the two of you notice you put the union on the back burner, it’s time to make a conscious effort
with reprioritizing the other person regardless of your day-to-day situation to battle the new
relationship struggles.

27. Trust is critical from the very beginning

Every relationship has problems, but when you first connect, you don’t want to go in with the idea that
you can’t trust the other person. If this is baggage from a past relationship, that’s unfair and self-
defeating for any new partnership.

Solution:

If your new partner made a promise and then lied to get out of it, that will create mistrust early on.
That’s tough to get back. In an effort to do so, one piece of advice on relationship problems is that there
needs to be much transparency and commitment in keeping your word moving forward.

Related Reading:

Breaking Promises in a Relationship – How to Deal With It

28. You can readjust goals at a moment’s notice

Perhaps in the first few weeks of dating, your life goals appear to be similar, but a profound life
circumstance changes your perspective on where you see yourself in the future or maybe your mate’s.

Solution:

The change is not in keeping with what the two of you discussed. In this situation, you can find a way to
get your partner to see things from your point of view, or the partnership won’t be possible.

These are the kinds of issues in relationships that are difficult to overcome. Often differences in life goals
are deal-breakers.

29. A kind word here or there

New relationship problems can include a lack of manners in numerous ways. Pleasantries like telling
someone they look nice or saying thank you, or expressing how much you appreciate something they’ve
done wane after a few dates.

Solution:

It shouldn’t—unfortunately, comfortability and taking a partner for granted set in quickly. If you notice
this early on, say something, but also make sure to lead by example. Be the first to tell your mate these
things often.

Related Reading:

20 Most Common Marriage Problems Faced by Married Couples