P S YC H O L O G Y A N D R E L AT I O N S H I P S

Quiz: If you answer these 10 questions correctly, you

have higher emotional intelligence than most people
P u b l i s h e d T h u , J u l 2 7 2 0 2 3 • 9 : 45 A M E DT U p d a te d Fr i , J u l 2 8 2 0 2 3 • 1 1 : 3 7 A M E DT

Kathy and Ross Petras, Contributors

@KANDRPETRAS

Gabriel Cortés
@ GA B EC O RT E S

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Illustration: Marloes De Vries

When you have

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high emotional
PSYCHOLOGY intelligence, you have a deepPSYCHOLOGY
AND RELATIONSHIPS understanding of your
AND RELATIONSHIPS
Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
feelings
STORIES — andemotional
everyone else’s. do when talking to others
intelligence people, ‘you may want to reconside

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Highly emotionally intelligent people are successful in both their professional and
personal lives. Their ability to truly connect and empathize with people makes them
better leaders, communicators and relationship builders.

Unfortunately, many people lack the basic skills. So let’s see where you rank. Can
you tell what’s the emotionally intelligent reaction to these 10 situations?

(Click here to take the quiz)

You’re leading a marketing meeting about how to drive more email

1 subscribers. A team member starts talking about issues they’re having

with meeting the goal, but then stops midway and says, “Sorry, forget it.”
What do you do?

Say, “No worries.”

Ask for more details and tell them how you’d solve the problem.

Ask other members how they’d solve the problem.

Ask, “Could you tell me more about it?”

2
You’ve just started a new job, and you’re chatting for the first time with
the person you’ll be working with the most. What’s the best way to make
them think highly of you right away?

Share how successful you were in your last job and tell them how you
think you’ll be able to contribute.

Ask them for advice about fitting into the company.

Mention that you’ve

PSYCHOLOGY heard great things about them already.
AND RELATIONSHIPS PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS
RELATED
Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES
emotional intelligence do when talking to others people, ‘you may want to reconside
Keep quiet and listen.

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 You were supposed to meet a friend for coffee to talk about issues she’s

3 been having with her partner, but you got caught up at work. You get an
irritated text from her saying she’s been waiting for over an hour and that
she’s going home. What do you tell her?

“Sorry! I couldn’t help it. My boss called me into a meeting and I had no
way to get out of it.”

“I know, I know. But you stood me up earlier this month, too.”

“I can see why you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I got called into a meeting and
I had no way to get out of it.”

“Look at it from the right perspective. It’s not really that big a deal, is
it?”

4
Your friend has an annoying habit of showing up late, or worse, texting to
say she can’t make it after you’ve already arrived. What do you say to
her?

“Could you try to be on time from now on?”

“I feel like you’re disrespecting my time by being late, and it really hurts
my feelings.”

“I realize you’re having difficulties showing up on time. But it’s also

creating problems for me. How can we make it work for both of us?”

“This is annoying. But I value our friendship, so I’ll deal with it.”

The co-owner of your crafts business made a huge mistake in ordering

5
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materials. Now AND
PSYCHOLOGY youRELATIONSHIPS
don’t have what you need, and it’sPSYCHOLOGY
Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high 
right before a big
AND RELATIONSHIPS
If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES sales season. When you sit down to talk, she asks if you’re angry with
emotional intelligence do when talking to others
her. How do you reply?
people, ‘you may want to reconside

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 “Look, I know you didn’t mean to do it, so I’m not angry at your mistake,
but I am worried.”

“I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed. In the future, can you double
check the numbers with me?”

“Mistakes happen. But let’s work on repairing the damage and figure
out how to avoid it in the future.”

“Honestly, I am angry. But let’s try to forget it since we have so much to

do.”

You’re in a Zoom meeting with some colleagues, discussing a new PR

6
campaign. Right after Colleague 1 outlines her plans for an email blast,
Colleague 2 says email blasts are a waste of time and that you should do
a targeted letter to a small number of influencers instead. What do you
say?

“I have a completely different idea than either of yours that’s maybe

even better.”

“You both make good points. Let’s discuss more and see how we can
balance both ideas.”

“I agree, [Colleague 2]. Let’s not bother with the email blast.”

“[Colleague 1] has been here the longest, so let’s take their advice.”

7 You have to work on a presentation for next year’s sales projections, but
you’re having a hard time feeling motivated. What do you do?

Call aPSYCHOLOGY
friend and see if they can help lift you out of your
AND RELATIONSHIPS
funk.
PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS
RELATED
Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES
Tell emotional
yourself intelligence
you’ll do doing
start by when talking to others
one small section —people,
and then‘you you
may can
want to reconside
take a break afterwards.
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 Do a deep dive into researching your company’s sales for the past year.

Take a look at the big picture to get a broad idea of what you need to
do.

8
You didn’t get that big promotion you were hoping for, even though
everyone felt certain that you would. Your friends and co-workers gather
around you to see how you’re doing. What do you say?

“I didn’t really want it that badly anyway.”

“It’s okay. It’s going to happen next year!”

“I’m definitely not feeling great about it, but that’s the way things go
sometimes. Thanks for your concern.”

“It’s no big deal, really. I’m perfectly fine!”

9
Your boss just finished outlining a revamped project you’ve been working
on. He expects you to get started ASAP, but you’re a little confused about
what he’s driving at. What do you say to him?

“Could you repeat that?”

“Could give me a little more information?”

“I’m on it.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t get it.”

10
PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS
RELATED You’re a FBI
Former part-time trainee
agent shares at a
3 things bank,
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when talking toSVP
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and yells may want
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the bank floor in front of your colleagues. What do you do?
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 Keep your head down and say nothing.

Tell the SVP you won’t stand for that kind of language.

Acknowledge your mistake and say that, as a trainee, you’ve now

learned your lesson. Then ask, “Is there anything I can do now to fix
this?”

Explain how it really wasn’t your fault. You’re just starting out and you
hadn’t gotten to that part in your training.

Kathy and Ross Petras are the brother-and-sister co-authors of “Awkword Moments:

A Lively Guide to the 100 Terms Smart People Should Know,” “You’re Saying It
Wrong” and “That Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means.” They co-host the award-
winning NPR podcast ”You’re Saying It Wrong,” and have been featured in The New
York Times, The Washington Post and Harvard Business Review. Follow them on
Twitter @kandrpetras.

Don’t miss:

• If you use these 13 phrases every day, you have high emotional intelligence:
Psychology experts

• Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high emotional intelligence always
do when talking to others

• Harvard psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases, ‘you’re more emotionally
secure than most’

PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS PSYCHOLOGY AND RELATIONSHIPS

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Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES
emotional intelligence do when talking to others people, ‘you may want to reconside

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Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES
emotional intelligence do when talking to others people, ‘you may want to reconside

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RELATED
Former FBI agent shares 3 things people with high  If you’re in a relationship with any o
STORIES
emotional intelligence do when talking to others people, ‘you may want to reconside

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