Topic:

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teacher, while others believe that students’
attitudes are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Response:

People have different views about the factors which contribute to the factors the academic success of
students. While some argue that teachers are responsible for the most of the students’ academic
achievement, I personally believe that students' attitudes play a significant role in this case.

On the one hand, the teacher's role can be important for several reasons. Teachers who are knowledgeable
and experienced, in general, help to create a positive learning environment and motivate the students to
learn better. Furthermore, with the appropriate guidance and support provided by teachers, (comma)
students are more likely to learn their subjects thoroughly and improve their general understanding. As well
as encouraging students to learn better, teachers also assist in solving the problems related to the learning
process. This is basically why teachers know the strengths and weakness of their students and can offer the
best solution when students having trouble. It is therefore can be argued educational success of learner
depends on teacher's effort given in the learning process. (It can therefore be argued that educational
success for learners depends on the teacher's effort in the learning process.)

On the other hand, academic achievement is more likely to be measured through a student's true dedication,
sheer effort, (comma) and positive attitude. In other words, people can become professionally successful only
if they study hard enough and learn every topic in detail with passion. Therefore, teaching a person whom
(remove “whom” or write “who lacks willingness”) without any willingness or determination to learn might
not result in educational success. If students have a positive attitude towards the pursuit of knowledge they
are more likely to actively engage in the learning process that can lead to improvement in their academic
performance. From this perspective, the idea that a student's attitude is important in educational
achievement sounds sensible.

In conclusion, learners can be assisted, (remove a comma and then write “and”) encouraged by their
teachers and their support is also important when they achieve success. However, it is student's students’
hard work and determination which allows them to become successful in life. (You wrote “them” so there
should be students’)

Feedback:

TA=7.5 (could be 8.0 or even higher)

The balance between the two viewpoints could be improved. While you emphasize the role of teachers in the
first body paragraph, the second body paragraph mainly focuses on the significance of students' attitudes. It
would have been better to maintain a more balanced approach throughout the essay by providing equal
attention to both perspectives.

CC=8.0 or 8.5

As always I love your CC: You present your ideas in a logical order and use appropriate linking words and
phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs.

LR=7.0

Good job.

GRA=7.5 (could be higher too)

There are a few instances where minor errors or awkward phrasings occur, but they do not significantly
hinder the overall clarity of your writing. Your grammar and accuracy are very strong, believe me just avoid
those minor mistakes.