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Life Review Paper

Edith Huerta

Human Development

Professor Dan Beaman

October 16, 2022

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Introduction:

The last couple of weeks have brought me so much insight on the elder years. For this

assignment I chose to interview my grandfather. He is 70 years old and is living quite a life. He

was married to his first wife, my grandmother, for 43 years until she passed away from liver

cirrhosis. He then remarried 5 years later to his current wife. He shares six children with my

grandmother one of which has recently passed away. He was born in a small town in Mexico and

came to the US in his early adult life. He married my grandmother in Mexico and they were able

to get citizenship in order to begin their lives here in California. Their first child was born

November 1970 and his last child was born September 1985, with four other children scattered

between that time.

He worked at a furniture manufactory where he would do upholstery and in 1984 he

opened his very own furniture manufactory called Hector’s Furniture. Unfortunately he had to

close his business in 2002 due to economic difficulties. One of them being the September 11

attacks as well as foreign competitors ultimately putting him out of business. After that he went

to work with one of his business partners at his furniture store for a few years and retired around

the same time my grandmother got sick. After she passed away in 2010 he started visiting

Mexico more regularly where he met his current wife. After marrying her, he was able to fix her

papers and bring her to the US. They have been living with us for the last couple of years and so

far we have managed to not murder each other.

My grandfather has recently reconnected with his siblings and was actually on a family

trip visiting one of his brothers when he received the sad news. His son landed in the hospital

after a long battle with alcohol addiction. He had been diagnosed with liver cirrhosis a few years

prior and this was the primary cause of his death. He was in the hospital for a total of four days.
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Luckily my grandfather was able to get home the night before he passed away to say his final

goodbye. We have just laid him to rest on the 13th of October, two days shy of the 12 year

anniversary of my grandmother’s death.

I had already planned on interviewing him for this assignment prior to my uncle’s passing

and now I feel like he has a completely different perspective on his life. He had always been a

father figure for me and was definitely someone I looked up to the most. My father was never

around so having him living with us was amazing. I always thought I was his favorite but now I

feel like he has changed his mind. So that factor alone made me think of him as my most favorite

person. Of course as time passed I started to view him differently and in a different light because

of how much his personality changed. It was hard to go through that transition where he was my

everything and then in a matter of a few short years things just completely changed. I would like

to say that most of the change came after my grandmother passed away and we started to see him

as a single man. He would visit her at the cemetery every Sunday and then out of nowhere it felt

like he was never there.

Then came the trips to Mexico and we started to see him as a single man. That was

probably the weirdest part because of the love that I seen between him and my grandmother and

then it felt like all of that was fake. Being at his wedding, listening to him tell her words he

would tell my grandmother was unbearable. I felt like I was almost betraying my grandmother

because of that. Maybe we do not have a strong connection like we used to but I feel like he was

still the best person for this. He has lived so many lives in such a short time and interviewing him

was my ultimate goal. Although he has been a bit short with his responses because he is not a big

fan of revisiting his past while his current wife is around. If you are wondering, she is almost
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always around so I am extreme grateful that he answered most of my questions with little to no

attitude.

Literature Review:

The life review process is something that almost comes naturally. In my option it could

happen at any stage in life but it is most common in the older community. Typically someone

looks back at their life and reflects on it. Trying to make sense of where they are now in life and

what they wish they could have done differently. This is a realization that comes when someone

is in the last stage of their life sometimes while they are still self aware and others when they are

no longer conscious. The reason why I feel like this could happen at any time is because we truly

do not know when our time is near. In reality on might only pass away peacefully if they feel like

all of their conflicts are resolved. The tragic part of this review is that realistically some never get

that peace they are looking for. They either run out of time or are unable to fix whatever it is that

is broken. Butler and Erickson both believe that this review can have a positive or negative effect

on the person and that it is something that almost all go through as they reach the end of their

live. The one difference between the two is that Erikson believed this is something that has to be

done with another significant person, while Butler believed it is something that needed to be

done alone. There are so many things that need to be said or done before a person reaches stage

8. One of the main goals in my life is to get to that stage without having regrets. And yet, I feel

like I am already regretting things. So what would I do differently now that would help me not

have any regrets? For starters, it would be beneficial to myself that I am always true to myself. I

am very family oriented because of how close my siblings and I grew up with my cousins, aunts,

and uncles. When your around that many people it is important to put yourself first and make

sure you are always comfortable within your own boundaries. If you try to make others happy
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before yourself you would find yourself in trouble. Maintaining relationships with those you love

would also be a good step towards not having regrets later.

Methodology:

For this portion of my paper I had to be a little careful with the way I approached my

grandfather. He gets irritated easily especially when speaking of his past. I personally believe it

might have a little more to do with his current wife being around when I ask him certain

questions. I first approached him a few weeks ago about his past which is something I do not do

often. He was able to answer easily since they pertained mostly to his work life and how he ran

his business. However, after asking him for the years he worked to get more of a timeline, he

began to get irritated because he believes I might be using this on some type of form which can

alert the IRS of his work. I approached him again a few days ago and he still began to get

irritated with me because he thought I was being nosy and trying to stir the pot. I tried to speak to

him when there was no one around so he would feel like I was not trying to attack him but that

led to him ignoring my questions or changing the conversation. Since the recent death of his son

I did want to be respectful and not overwhelm him with questions he might already be thinking

about. This is where I stated to hesitate having him be the person I interview but ultimately

continue because I felt like he was still the best person for this. I was finally able to sneak in a

few questions while the whole family was gathered because they were also able to contribute

towards the questions so he did not feel like I was putting him on the spot. Most of his responses

were well answered but at the same time I felt like they were short. Knowing how my

grandfather is I know he withheld some information that he would have shared in the past.

Data:
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I have asked my grandfather a few questions pertaining to his life review. Unfortunately

this is not as in depth as I wanted it to be. He states he is ultimately happy and very blessed with

the life he has had. Pertaining to his first wife there is a few things he took for granted, “you truly

don’t know how good you had it until you lose what you had.” He shared with me that he mainly

remarried because he knew at some point we would start our own lives and wanted to make sure

he also had someone who would be there for him. He would like to mend all relationships that

ended over something pointless. He is a firm believer in keeping the peace and leaving well

enough alone. In regards to the regrets he has they mainly pertain towards unsaid words he

should have said to his son. I tried not to press him too much because the loss of his son is still

fresh and I did not want to overstep my boundaries. One of the points that stuck out was when he

said we are all so focused on the future that we do not realize that now is not guaranteed. We

miss the small opportunities while waiting for a future that we might never get.

Discussion:

This review has been very enlightening to me. I think it was very easy for me to overlook

the life review because I am not in that stage of my life yet. However, after the recent death of

my uncle at a relatively young age, it changed my perspective. This process is very draining in

the aspect of trying not to dwell on something you cannot change. It is so important that we start

to live in the present while working towards the future. I have always been short tempered when

it comes to my grandfather because of how snippy he could be with me. Now I realize that this

could be because he is getting closer to that stage in his life where he has to start thinking of his

live review. This is something we are new to because my grandmother died relatively young so

she did not go through all this. I felt like doing this interview with my grandfather confirmed a

lot of what I already knew. I also wish that he would have shared more with me because there is
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a lot more to him. I try to find peace on this topic by turning to my faith. Which for the most

part it has helped. I do not want this fear to dwell or continue to grow on me. The book Tuesdays

with Morrie also helped a lot. It gave me a different viewpoint of how to deal with the process of

death.
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References

Albom, M. (2007). Tuesday with Morrie: An old man, a young man, and life's Greatest Lesson.
Broadway Books.

Pipher, M. B. (2000). Another country: Navigating the emotional terrain of our elders.
Riverhead Books.