the Christian Woman

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. The Christian Woman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

II. The Joyful Wife . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

III. The Joyful Mother . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

IV. The Pastor's Wife ......................................................... 24

REQUIREMENTS FOR THIS BLOCK:

1. Read all the material and the verses as you go along.

2. Write out goals for your life (1-2 paragraphs, not sentences)
a) Immediate goal for the next 2 years.
b) Intermediate goal for the next 5 years.
c) Long range goal for 10 - 20 years.

3. Read an assigned magazine article and report on it ( 1/2 page) Nos. 2 and 3 are to be
written out ahead of time and turned in at the end of the last class period. Please write neatly.

4. T-H-I-N-K as you read this material. It will be a blessing to you.

It will also change your life.
 the Christian Woman
I. THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN
INTRODUCTION
God's will for you today is clearly taught in
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Rejoice evermore. Pray
without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is
the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
"Rejoicing: Sometimes this word is translated
"leaping for joy," "bubbling over." Practicing the
presence of God Enjoy the presence of God.
Many times we try to pull our lives with our
feelings. Don't live on the level of your feelings, but
on the level of obedience to God's Word. When we
make the right choices God fixes our feelings.
Physical and Psychological Problems that may
affect our "joy"
Physical
1. hypo-glycemia - low-blood sugar may
produce these symptoms: nervous and shaky,
depressed and weepy, unable to concentrate.
Cure is to eat meals high in protein and
avoid sugars.
2. underactive thyroid
3. menopause
4. anemia
5. postpartum blues--new mothers, low
hormone level
6. pre-menstrual tension
7. diabetes
Psychological
1. poor self image
2. lack of acceptance by one or both parents.
Isaiah 12:3--"Therefore with joy shall ye
draw water out of the wells of salvation."
In order to be the Christian Woman God wants you
to be, you need to know God's Specific will for your
life. Does God want you single, in a career, married, in
Christian service, full-time or part-time? How do you
know?
FINDING GOD'S WILL
1. Completely surrender your will to the Lord
(John 7:17). "The key to knowing God's will is
willingness to do it."
2. Pray earnestly and expectantly (James 1:5).
3. Study the Scriptures for Biblical principles that
would apply to this situation. God usually
1
reveals His will through His will through His
Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
4. Seek godly counsel. A wise person listens to
advice. Don't overlook the value of getting
counsel from your parents, your pastor, a
Christian teacher, etc. (not your peers).
5. Use sanctified common sense A tool to help
you be objectively is to divide a piece of paper
in half. On one side list the advantages and on
the other the disadvantages of a particular
situation.
6. Consider the circumstances. Has God opened
the door to you?
7. Set out to be obedient in every area that you
know of ("in all thy ways acknowledge him"),
and then you can claim His direction for your
path. (Proverbs 3:5,6).
8. Let the peace of God rule. Don't move in a
direction if you have strong doubts, wait till
God removes the question marks.
THE JOYFUL WOMAN
by Mrs. Joy Martin
Introduction: God intends that we be joyful; at least
183 times the Bible speaks of joy as the normal
reaction for the one who knows the Lord. Over 220
times the Bible speaks of "rejoicing." If we are not
joyful women, something is wrong. Psalm 16:11 --
"Thou wilt show me the path of life; in thy presence is
fullness of JOY."
I. THE JOY OF SALVATION:
Luke 10:17-20, Isaiah 12:3
Assurance of your salvation is a necessity for joy
and usefulness. Factors which may lead to doubt and
depression:
1. Comparing experiences--concern if your
experience is not the same as another person's.
(did I cry enough? did I say the right words?)
2. Going by feeling instead of by the promises of
God. (I don't feel saved.)
3. Lack of knowledge and follow up--not shown
the clear Scripture on assurance.
4. Physical Problems:
a. hypo-glycemia,
 the Christian Woman
b. anemia,
c. premenstrual tension,
d. menopause,
e. postpartum depression,
f. diabetes,
g. underactive thyroid.
5. No real faith in God--may have doubts
because never really saved.
6. Psychological problems
7. Unconfessed sin
Depend upon the Word of God, not your feelings.
The following Scriptures can be claimed for
assurance: Romans 10:13; John 6:37; John 5:24;
1 John 5:11-13.
II. THE JOY OF SURRENDER:
There must be a joyful acceptance of God's will for
your life (Romans 12:1,2). Daily confess your sins and
present your body to Christ. Let the Holy Spirit control
every part of your life. (Ephesians 5:18)
III. THE JOY OF SCRIPTURE:
Make God's Word your daily guide. "Thy word
was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart."
(Jeremiah 15:16)
A. Rules about the Bible.
1. Read it--it is everyday food, not medicine for full." (John 16:24)
emergencies.
2. Know it--you ought to be an authority on the
Bible for others.
3. Enjoy it--it is a love letter; meditate on it,
pray it in.
4. Memorize it--set goals for yourself
(Psalm 1:2).
5. Tell it--share your blessings and witness to
others.
6. Practice it--let God speak to you about your
life; be a "doer" of the Word.
B. Why read it?
1. It is the way to grow spiritually
(1 Peter 2:2; Matthew 4:4)
2. It is the way to get faith (Romans 10:17)
3. It is the way to victory over sin
(Psalm 119:11; Matthew 4--"It is written...")
4. It is the " seed" for your witnessing.
(Luke 8:11; 1 Peter 1:23; Psalm 126:5,6)
2 (James 4:2,3).
5. It is the source of wisdom and guidance
(Psalm 119:105)
6. It gives God's teaching about baptism,
soul-winning, prayer, giving, separation,
power of the Holy Spirit, etc.
C. When to read it?
1. Set a definite time each day--an appointment
you keep with God.
2. Put verses in various places where you can
learn them.
D. How to read it?
1. Ask the Lord to teach you and help you
understand it (Psalm 119:18).
2. Read it carefully and consecutively--don't
jump around (2 Timothy 2:15; 3:16, 17).
3. Note commands and promises; underline
these in your Bible or keep in a notebook.
Keep a record of your reading.
4. Use some time for actual study. Read
through short books several times at a sitting
and larger ones by sections. Learn major
themes, etc.
IV. THE JOY OF SUPPLICATION:
Fellowship with God and answered prayer brings
joy: "Ask and ye shall receive, that your joy may be
A. Live so as to get your prayers answered
(1 John 3:22; John 15:17).
B. Pray always--at definite times, but
throughout the day also
(Ephesians 6:18; 2 Thessalonians 5:17)
C. Pray about everything
(Philippians 4:6,7; Mark 11:24).
D. Pray about specific, definite things
(James 4:2).
E. Pray persistently
(Luke 18:1-8; Luke 11:9,10).
F. Expect great things
(Psalm 81:10; Jeremiah 33:3).
G. Keep records of your prayers and the
answers.
H. Check up on hindrances to prayer:
unconfessed sin (Isaiah 59:1-2; Psalm 66:18),
wrong home life (1 Peter 3:1,7), unforgiving
spirit (Mark 11:25,26), wrong motives
 the Christian Woman
V. THE JOY OF SOUL-WINNING:
There is special joy for the soul-winner
(Psalm 126:6)
A. Have a time set aside for soul-winning.
B. Have a plan - learn the Scripture to use and
a good opening and closing.
1. Opening - "Let me ask a question that is
more important than what church you attend
- `If were to die today, do you know for sure
that you would go to Heaven?' .....Well, in
1 John 5:13 it says, `.....and here is how you
can know.'
2. Romans Road - Romans 3:23;
Romans 5:12; Romans 6:23; Romans 10:13;
Rev. 3:20.
3. Prayer and decision time
4. Closing - assurance and follow up
C. Remember that everyone you meet is going
to Heaven or Hell. Determine to speak to
everyone that the Lord gives an opportunity to.
VI. THE JOY OF SACRIFICE AND
SUFFERING AND SHAME.
A. 2 Corinthians 8:2-5, "How that in a great
trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and
their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of
their liberality ... but first gave their own selves
to the Lord, and unto us by the will of God."
This involves the sacrifice both of ourselves
and our substance.
B. James 1:2-4 teaches the joy of testing and
trouble.
C. Acts 5:41 teaches joy in the midst of
persecution and shame. Interesting equation:
Joy + Poverty = riches trial of affliction
A LADY'S APPEARANCE AND CLOTHING
1 Samuel 16:7 God knows your heart but man's
first impression is based on your appearance.
Therefore we must make sure our appearance matches
our inner spiritual beauty.
Your Attitude Toward the Following Is
Revealed by Your Appearance:
1. Toward the Lord--Our bodies are the Temple
of the Holy Spirit. Our appearance should
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reflect our joyful acceptance of our relationship
to Him. He is our Creator and we are
"wonderfully and fearfully made"
(Ps. 139:14-16).
2. Toward Yourself--If you don't like yourself or
you feel guilty about your life, this is reflected
in the way you dress and care for your body.
3. Toward Your Authority--If you dress
sloppily, it says something bad about your
husband or father. If a woman who is pregnant
dresses attractively it says something positive
about her attitude toward her husband and their
marriage. Your authority should be proud of
your appearance.
4. Toward Other People--Comfort is not
necessarily the main thing. We have an
obligation to other people in our appearance.
On your bad days, do more to fix yourself up.
Your outside appearance should always be
good. People shouldn't feel sorry for you.
Children are especially expressive about pretty
clothes, perfume, hairdos.
Your outer appearance can be an encouragement to
others, or it can be a temptation. That is why a woman
must be especially careful to be modest in dress, lest
she cause a man to sin in his heart.
Five principles about women's clothing from
the Bible
1. It ought to be distinctively
feminine--Deuteronomy 22:5
2. It ought to be modest--1 Timothy 2:8,9 Not
tight, cut too low; what might be modest on
one person, might not be on another.
3. It ought to be clean--Exodus 19:10;
Leviticus 11:25 Body is the Temple of the
Holy Spirit.
4. It ought to be appropriate--1 Timothy 2:9
Sobriety, sensible.
5. It ought to beautiful--Proverbs 31:22
Dressing for Speaking Engagements
1. Watch about wearing jewelry that is
distracting--dangling earrings, glittery stones,
etc.
2. Don't wear a large patterned or distractingly
printed dress; a solid color or small print in a
flattering shade is good.
 the Christian Woman
3. Make sure the dress is long enough when
sitting and standing.
4. Don't wear a brand new dress for the first time.
You want to make sure it is comfortable and
suitable. Can you sit comfortably in it on a
platform?
5. Make sure there are no runs in your hose and
that the slip is not showing.
6. Wear a hair style that is becoming and off the
face.
Why a preacher's wife should look her best:
1. People often look at you more frequently
because of your position.
2. Be an example for others. Pastor's wives are
standard-setters and models for the way others
should dress, especially young people.
3. Your church people want to be proud of you.
4. Your husband will be proud of you.
5. You are a daughter of the King.
6. You will feel more confident when you know
you are attractively dressed and well-groomed.
Basic Factors in Appearance
1. Posture and Carriage How to correct
posture:
a. "Think tall"--mental awareness
b. Practice difficult procedures until you can
do them correctly.
c. Do a planned program for
exercise--jumping rope, sit-ups, walking
etc. Before coming into a room take a
minute to collect yourself. People notice
husbands opening doors for wives. It gives
the impression that "this is someone I
treasure."
2. Grooming
Daily:
make-up, hair care, teeth brushed,
bathing, clean clothes, deodorant,
perfume, hand lotion, facial, laying out
clothes, etc.
Weekly :
nails, facial, shaving, pedicure,
manicure, ward-robe repair, eyebrows,
etc.
4
How to improve your complexion:
Diet--avoid oils, fried foods, candy.
Concentrate on low fat milk, fruit,
vegetables. Drink plenty of water it is
the skin's internal fluid; it promotes
regularity.
Cosmetics and Purpose:
A. To enhance your best features
B. To protect your skin
C. To cleanse
D. To moisturize or lubricate
E. To freshen or tone
F. To conceal or camouflage
Be moderate and appropriate. The younger you are
the less likely you are to need makeup, the older you
are the more you'll need it.
3. Appearance of hair.
It should be feminine, worn appropriately for
age and occupation. Hair frames the face. 1
Corinthians 11:3-5. Hair is the external sign
of femininity and submission.
4. Dieting.
Proper weight for your body type: One
hundred pounds for the first 5 feet, 5 pounds
for each inch taller.
Seven Reasons why you shouldn't be overweight
1. Indicates lack of self-control,
Galatians 5:22,23.
2. Shows disrespect for the Temple,
1 Corinthians 6:19,20.
3. Shortens life and lays the foundation for many
illnesses--heart attacks, high blood pressure,
toxemia, diabetes, hardening of arteries.
4. Lessens energy.
5. Makes it difficult to find clothes that fit.
6. Gives poor testimony.
7. Leads to poor self-image.
If a mother regularly tries to quiet her child by
over-feeding, it is laying the foundation for
overweight. Sweets seem to be a reward. Don't let it
become too much of a problem. Give small pictures
for a reward.
 the Christian Woman
PROTECTING YOUR HEALTH the heart" is not only something that you've heard from
childhood, but it is true. Man does look at the outside.
1. Observe good hygiene habits - daily bathing,
We are open to double scrutiny from people and from
mouth and teeth care, clean clothing, fresh
the Lord. "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature,
linens, washing hands frequently, clean
and in favor with God and man". Luke 2:52. In her
utensils and kitchen surfaces.
2. Eat a well-balanced diet - avoid "junk foods. book entitled Charming You, Marjoram Frost says,
The Lord made a tremendously wide variety of "The fact that social favor is important in God's sight
foods for our nourishment and delight. Be would seem to make it all the more imperative that we
willing to try new foods. Be sure to include cherish and nourish this side of our lives also". We
crunchy raw vegetables for bulk and vitamin. need the kind of attraction that tells the world that we
3. See your doctor and dentist regularly. care enough about our physical appearance to make
Abscessed teeth or infected gums can affect the the necessary improvements. Let's deal with specifics.
whole body. Have medical checkups regularly Let's begin at the beginning.
and follow doctor's advice. I. CLEANLINESS
4. Develop a good exercise program for yourself - We've all heard that "Cleanliness is next to
jumping rope, bike riding, swimming, jogging, Godliness". Being meticulously clean is absolutely
exercise program on TV, gardening, basic to femininity. Be "squeaky" clean. This will
housework, tennis, ball games, etc. This improve our mental attitude.
exercise must be done consistently at least 3 BODY - knowing that we are clean and
times a week to tone and firm muscles and well-groomed from the inside out makes us feel
strengthen the heart. Always begin a program finished. We have a wonderful feeling--we "feel good
gradually. all under".
5. Include adequate rest. The average adult needs Use a pumice stone on elbows, knees, heels, or any
7-8 hours of sleep a night. Most of us can get rough area that needs smoothing.
away with less on only special occasions. Rinse well--don't leave any trace of soap on you--it
When we are fatigued, we are more prone to clogs the pores. Dry well and then apply body lotion or
irritability and susceptible to infection, in baby oil all over. You'll see how fresh and good you
addition to being more vulnerable to feel. Now apply underarm deodorant. Also girls, there
depression. "Sometimes the most spiritual is a special powder for your sanitary napkins--let's be
thing you can do is to take a nap." (Warren clean at all times.
Wiersbe) Remember the elbows we spoke of a moment
6. Plan special "recreational" times to refresh and ago?--they need to be bleached. Half a lemon
relax yourself. Do not feel guilty about your (kalamanse) is excellent for this--never throw a lemon
need for a few minutes to prop your feet up, away before cupping it over your elbows and rubbing
take a cat nap, or read an exciting story. A a bit. (You may leave the lemon juice on while you
variety of activities is essential for emotional finish your recipe.) Rinse and apply lotion.
and physical health. HANDS - Our hands tell so much about our
STYLE AND YOUR PERSONALITY grooming. Keep them relaxed, soft and
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN LADY IN AN well-manicured. Form the habit of pushing cuticles
UNCHRISTIAN WORLD back with the towel as you dry. We should wear
Alice Bell wrote in the Charm Encyclopedia, rubber gloves for protection from hot water and harsh
"There is no such thing as a homely woman; there are detergents.
only those women who do not know how to be pretty. HAIR - Our hair is our halo, girls! When it's clean
The reference in 1 Samuel 16:7b"...for man looketh and shiny, it draws attention. Be proud of the
on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on appearance of your hair. First of all, you need a
5 good cut! You need a professional for this. The rest
 the Christian Woman
you can do for yourself. Brushing and Shampooing as
often as needed. You be the judge. Make a point of
keeping it clean.
II. GRACEFUL MOVEMENTS
(Betty Kennedy)
Movements that are graceful are coordinated and
smooth and accomplished with ease.
A. POSTURE
Nothing will add more to the distinction of your
appearance than good posture and erect
carriage. Many people still believe that correct
posture is military posture--stiff and tense. That
simply is not true. Good posture is relaxed and
gives us more flexibility. Good posture gives an
appearance of confidence and youthfulness.
You do know, don't you, that good posture will
make you appear ten pounds thinner? That, in
itself, should make us we want to improve our
posture. Good posture allows the inner organs
room to function and permits us to breathe
properly. Stand with your back against the wall
with your heels two to four inches from the
wall. Your shoulder blade should form a flat
surface against the wall and your buttocks (seat)
should be touching the wall. Now, feel to see if
there is a space between the wall and the small
of your back. If there is more space than the
thickness of your hand, lift the chest which in
turn pulls in the stomach muscles. Tuck the
buttocks down and under. Remember, learn to
relax with good posture. Check yourself several
times daily and eventually you will feel only the
thickness of your hand between the small of
your back and the wall.
Posture check...
1. Hold head high but level.
2. Tilt the chin slightly so that earlobes are over
the shoulders where they belong--back, down,
relaxed.
3. Lift your chest high; do not let the bosom
droop.
4. Pull stomach in; do not let it protrude.
Remember over an inch of pinch is fat.
5. Tuck your buttocks (seat) in and under.
6. Relax, do not stiffen your body.
6 and down, or from side to side. The legs
B. STANDING GRACEFULLY
Standing beautifully is a daily, routine
requirement and one of your greatest assets in
acquiring self-confidence. Standing gracefully
begins with good posture and portrays
femininity. Point your left foot straight ahead
and place your right foot at a forty-five degree
angle with approximately four inches of space
between both legs. Most of the weight of your
body will be on the back foot. Your front knee
is slightly relaxed--not rigid--your front hip is
turned toward the foot in front. Now change
your standing position by placing your left foot
to the back at a forty-five degree angle, pointing
your right foot straight ahead and shifting your
weight again to the back knee, front knee
slightly bent and front hip turned toward the
other front foot. The back foot is always pointed
outward, the front foot is always pointed
straight ahead and the hip of the foot in front is
always turned toward the front foot. Your
weight may be equally distributed on both feet
so it will never be necessary for you to lean on
objects as display counters in department stores,
etc. There is no secret of standing
gracefully--just practice, practice. Learn to
stand so beautifully in private that you will
never have to think about it in public.
C. WALKING GRACEFULLY
A woman who walks beautifully is a delight to
behold; her clothes will look more becoming
and she is telling others that she is prepared to
face the world confidently. Walking incorrectly
will detract from your appearance, make your
body tired and make your feet ache. With
practice every woman can attain the ability to
glide smoothly and elegantly across the floor.
1. A beautiful walk is well-balanced.
Short, mincing steps are unsightly and steps
that are too long will make us look
masculine. Steps should be no longer than
the length of your foot.
2. A beautiful walk should appear effortless
and smooth.
The direction of the walk is forward, not up
 the Christian Woman
swing forward from the hip joint which will
give you a more graceful movement.
3. Do not sink onto your heels.
Think tall and light. Pretend that you are a
puppet being pulled up and up by strings
attached to the crown of your head and to
your ears.
4. Keep your chest high, shoulders relaxed,
chin up, eyes forward, not down.
Palms of the hands face the body. Elbows
are relaxed. Hands may swing slightly from
the shoulders but not from the elbows.
5. There should be no perceptible change of
weight from one foot to the other.
Develop the elegant feeling of walking on a
cloud. Beginning from the basic standing
position, step forward with your left foot,
shift the entire weight to your left foot, keep
toes pointed straight ahead, and keep the
motions of the feet as parallel as possible.
The heel of your foot will actually touch the
floor first, but quickly shift your weight
forward to the entire foot and this will give
you a gliding effect.
D. SITTING GRACEFULLY
The way you sit is an important factor in our
picture of poise. Walk up to the chair, turn on
the balls of your feet so that your back is to the
chair. Feel the chair with the back of your legs.
Slide your back foot slightly under the chair to
maintain your balance.
Place your hand on the side of your skirt,
adjusting it as you sit, not after you're seated.
Try not to use both hands. Keep your head
erect, your back straight, DO NOT SLUMP
...THIS WILL ONLY ADD YEARS AND
POUNDS TO YOUR APPEARANCE. Gently
lower yourself into the chair. If necessary, slide
backwards into the chair. Please, do not squirm
or wiggle into it.
Only those women with small thighs may cross
their legs above the knees, not on the knees,
with legs touching at a straight angle all the way
to the ankle.
All women will appear lovely and graceful
with knees together, crossed at the ankles
with the legs turned at an angle toward the legs
of the chair.
To gracefully rise from a chair, place both feet
straight ahead and slide one foot slightly
backward, with the ball of the back foot close to
the chair. Push on the back foot, straighten your
legs, lift yourself up while keeping your back
straight and ahead erect. Do not push with
your hands. The only exception to this is when
you are sitting on a low chair necessitating
physical effort in arising. Avoid such chairs. So
to maintain this lady--like gracious look,
practice, practice, and in front of a full-length
mirror.
E. ENTERING A ROOM GRACEFULLY
The self-centered woman has a tendency to
"sneak" into a room as though she has no right
to be there. When you are inside a room,
hesitate a moment and focus your attention on
others, this automatically takes your mind off
yourself.
Look around for an empty chair so that you will
know where you are going and this will give
you confidence. Walk to your chair and seat
yourself gracefully.
F. GRACEFUL HAND POSITIONS
Many women lose all semblance of serenity by
uncontrolled positions and movements of the
hands. Keep your hands quiet, and the fingers
relaxed.
1. Positions of the hands while standing.
a. The hands may be held gracefully to your
back and this position will encourage good
posture.
b. The hands may be placed at the side of the
body with palms turned in.
c. The hands may be held gently in front of
you at the hipline or at the waistline but do
not allow your shoulders to slump.
d. The arms may be folded at the waistline
but the fingers must be out.
2. Positions of the hands while in a sitting
position.
7
 the Christian Woman
a. The hands may be clasped gently and
placed to one side of the lap in the same
angle as the legs.
b. Turn your hands with palms up, place
thumb of one hand into the palm of the
other.
c. Encircle fingers in a palms up position.
G. HOW TO PUT ON AND TAKE OFF A
COAT
Hold the back of the coat collar with the right
hand, slide the left arm through the left sleeve.
Then slide the right arm through the right
sleeve, adjust the coat over the shoulder and
button or hold together.
To remove the coat, merely let it slide off the
shoulders, reach back with both arms, catch
both sleeves with the left hand, then hold both
sleeves with the left hand as you bring both
arms to the front. Now catch both sleeves with
the right hand, slide left arm from left sleeve,
release sleeve, and casually place coat, neatly
folded, over the arm.
H. HOW TO CARRY HANDBAGS
You should never refer to a handbag as a
pocketbook or purse.
1. An envelop handbag should rest in the palm
of the hand with the index finger curved at
the end of the bag.
2. A clutch handbag is carried with four
fingers to the front, thumb to the back.
Never tuck the handbag under your arm with
your elbow pressing it to the side.
3. A handbag with a handle is carried to the
side of your body.
Merely slip your hand through the handle
from the inside so that the handle will rest on
your wrist palm turned toward the body,
fingers relaxed.
4. Shoulder handbags
are worn over the shoulder and the strap
should be held between the thumb and index
finger to keep the bag from swinging around.
5. A square, boxy type or oversize handbag
is carried to your side, arm down, grasping
handle with hand, fingers cupped under
8 necklace or scarf. Therefore, one focal point
toward body. Handbags should not be
allowed to flap against your side.
III. WEARING AND REMOVING GLOVES
Your gloves should be large enough for your
fingers to slip into them smoothly.
Do not pull or tug gloves on hurriedly. Hold your
arm up and pull your gloves down on your hand. Do
not extend your hand and dig into the fingers of the
glove.
Do not remove your gloves by tugging at one
finger at a time, rather catch two fingers and slide your
hand out. Remove them discreetly rather than
appearing obvious. Be sure to remove both gloves, not
just one.
After removing your gloves, place them together,
thumbs together, palms together so they will appear
neat. Carry the gloves with the cuff over the back of
the hand and the fingers of the glove toward the body
over the palm. If the gloves are long, fold the arm of
the glove over the palm of the glove, in half and then
place them together as instructed.
Never, no, never have the gloves look like a wilted
bouquet of flowers with the fingers of the gloves
drooping up, out and down.
POISE IS AN AWARENESS OF WHAT YOU ARE
DOING AND HOW YOU ARE DOING IT.
IV. WARDROBE PLANNING AND
COORDINATION.
A. Selecting a Basic Color (Betty Kennedy)
B. Planning Your Wardrobe
The secret of good grooming is coordination of
the correct accessories with the correct clothes.
Before you can successfully plan a wardrobe,
you must become familiar with five steps:
1. Simplicity is the key--
have you ever noticed that when a store
specializes in expensive clothing, the
windows are never crowded with
merchandise? On the other hand, a store
specializing in inexpensive clothing is
crowded with many colors, many "things."
2. A costume may have only one focal point.
A focal point is anything that is two-toned,
such as a printed dress, or multi-colored
 the Christian Woman
becomes the object of interest. There is only
one exception to this and that is in the use of
matching trim. This means exactly alike,
such as plaid skirt and identical plaid trim on
the sweater or blouse or scarf.
3. Three items of clothing are never used as
focal points: shoes, gloves, and handbags.
Your hands and feet are not to be focal
points.
4. More mistakes are made in color
coordination than in any other facet of
grooming.
You may combine two separate colors but
when you do it, it must be done in this
manner: You may wear a printed dress of
many colors, but one of them must be your
basic background color of your accessories.
The ideal coordination calls for every print,
stripe, plaid, and dot to contain the
background color of your accessories,
whether dark or light. Here is a safe rule in
color coordination. If your dress or suit
contains two colors, one must be your
accessory color. For example, a yellow and
white dress will be lovely when it is set off
by white accessories, but certainly not black.
5. All good design must have a base, and in
fashion, this means the darker color lower in
the costume.
For example, black shoes may be worn with
a white dress but never white shoes with a
black dress! In three-piece dresses, it is good
to have all three the same color, but if the
blouse is a print or stripe, it must contain the
color taken from the suit. If you cannot find
a blouse that matches or if the print or stripe
does not match the color of the suit, then the
color of the blouse reverts to your
background color. For example, if you are
wearing all-black accessories with a red suit,
and you cannot find a red blouse, then you
would wear a black blouse.
A white blouse would ruin your color
coordination and detract from the simplicity
of the ensemble. A white blouse is correct
with a black, brown, or navy suit because
9
your shoes and skirt would be the same
color, and only two colors would be used.
Experiment with different colors against
your skin. Find your most flattering colors.
And remember, they may all be used with
your basic background color. You will be
tempted sometimes to depart from your
background color, but remember what the
consequences will be--a closet full of clothes
and nothing to wear! If your budget is
limited, select neutral colors for suits and
dresses. You will not tire of these yourself
and they will not be so easily remembered by
your friends!
CONCLUSION
Now that we've gotten ourselves coordinated and
self-assured, we need to get out and circulate with
people, making ourselves available to serve God to the
best of our ability. Try hard to develop a sincere
interest in others. This, along with reading and being
up on current events will help us become good
conversationalists. If we are busy losing ourselves in
others, we will be natural and relaxed. This will take
away our self-consciousness and cause us to correct
our attitude toward other people's opinion of us.
Charm develops self-confidence. It causes us to be
at ease with people. When we feel that we look proper,
we can concentrate on the more vital interest of
serving the Lord. This frees us from concern about our
personal appearance. As we become more charming,
we develop a positive attitude toward ourselves and
toward our relationships at home, at church and in our
community.
GOD'S WILL IN YOUR DATING LIFE
By Joy Martin
BASIC PRINCIPLES
I. Commit yourself totally to the Lord; accept
His perfect will in your date life and future
relationship.
A. "God saves His best for those who leave the
choice to Him".
B. Believe that God cares even about your date
life; you can safely trust Him.
 the Christian Woman
C. Pray earnestly definitely for wisdom and
direction in relationship to your friendship and
love.
II. Set out to develop into the kind of person I. Be available. Put yourself in a position
God wants you to be. "Fundamentally,
Christian marriage is more than finding the right
person, it is being the right person."
A. Develop spiritual maturity.
B. Maintain emotional balance; learn how to
face life honestly and yet joyfully.
C. Develop intellectually; stretch your mind
through reading, conversation, study,
observation.
D. Take care of yourself physically.
1. Healthy body
2. Cleanliness - personal daintiness
3. Good grooming
4. Clothing: modest, feminine, attractive,
appropriate
E. Learn homemaking skills: cooking, cleaning,
sewing, etc.
F. Cultivate your God-given talents: music,
speech, art, etc.
III. Have high ideals regarding marriage;
wait for the man God has for you.
A. He must be saved.
B. He must share your dedication to Christ.
C. He must be worthy of your complete respect
and confidence.
D. There must be a mutual freedom to
communicate with each other, to be sincere and
open with each other.
E. There should be many common interests.
F. There should be more than physical
attraction.
G. There should be a clear agreement on the
meaning of marriage, its sacredness and
permanence, the purpose of sex in marriage, the
view of children, etc.
H. There should be the blessing of both families
regarding the relationship.
SPECIFIC PRINCIPLES REGARDING
DATING
for fellows to meet and know you in a
relaxed but wholesome atmosphere.
II. If you are interested in a particular
fellow, be very wary about revealing it to
any one else.
III. Be friendly to all-fellows and girls alike.
IV. Look for ways to help others.
V. Avoid getting too serious with any one
friend early.
VI. Use discretion in accepting or refusing a
date.
A. A dating partner does not necessarily have to
be thought of as a future marriage prospect.
B. Have legitimate reasons for rejecting a date.
C. Do not refuse a date for unworthy reasons.
D. If you do refuse a date, be tactful.
VII. Plan your dates wisely.
A. Don't accept a date without knowing exactly
what the plans are.
B. Don't overlook "simple" possibilities for
dating.
C. Try to include group activities.
D. Avoid questionable activities on dates.
VIII. LEARN HOW TO ACT ON A DATE.
A. Don't be possessive or aggressive.
B. Be yourself; don't try to conform to some
preconceived notion of what you think he
wants.
C. Don't talk too much but ask about things he
is interested in.
D. Don't overspend if he takes you out to eat.
E. Let him be a man - allow him to open doors,
etc. (be a lady)
F. Let him know you enjoyed being with him.
IX. DO NOT MAKE PHYSICAL DISPLAY OF
AFFECTION THE BASIS OF YOUR
DATES.
A. Physical arousement can be misleading
10 about "love".
 the Christian Woman
B. A kiss is not "payment" for a nice time--your
caresses are a choice possession, to be saved to
express a God-given love and commitment.
C. Avoid meaningless "familiarity" with each
other.
D. Do not offend others.
E. Beware of the sins of sex.
1. Misuse of God's gift
2. Disregard for God's plain command
3. Distortion of spiritual values
4. Watch about petting
5. Keep your thought life pure
X. ASK FORGIVENESS OF THE LORD IF
THERE HAS BEEN SIN IN THE PAST
REGARDING YOUR DATE LIFE.
XI. QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
ABOUT THE LOVED ONE.
A. Spiritual aspects
1. Do we have the same spiritual ideals and
habits?
2. If I feel called to a particular ministry, does
he share this?
3. Are we comfortable in talking about
spiritual matters and praying together?
4. Do I sense that I have been strengthened
spiritually by being with him?
5. Do I have peace in my heart when I pray
about God's will regarding him?
6. Does our love meet the standards set in
1 Cor. 13?
B. Physical aspects
1. Am I proud of the way he looks?
(Not just natural good looks, but grooming,
posture, etc.)
2. Is there a desire to be close to him?
3. Does he respect me enough to wait for the
proper time for showing affection or does he
demand immediate gratification?
Can we both exercise self control in this
regard?
4. Do we both have the same outlook on purity
and the purpose of marriage?
C. Emotional and Mental aspects
1. What kind of impression does he make on
his employer?
2. Is he considered reliable by others?
3. Does he treat me with courtesy and respect?
4. What makes him angry?
How does he react to frustration?
5. Is he often depressed?
Do I continually have to work at building
him up?
6. Does he have a good reputation about
financial matters, paying debts, using money
wisely, saving for long-term projects?
7. Do we enjoy many of the same things?
8. Are our educational and intellectual
backgrounds similar?
D. Other aspects
1. What do I know of his family background?
(spiritual, emotional, economic, cultural,
etc.)
2. Can I picture him as the father of my
children?
3. What kind of relationship does he have with
his parents?
4. Do I enjoy being with him, no matter what
we are doing?
5. Does my family respond favorably to him?
Does our relationship have the blessing of
our parents?
6. Does he like my family? Do I like his?
7. What kind of friends does he have?
8. Can I recognize certain weaknesses and
differences without attempting to change
him?
E. Bill Gothard gives these guidelines for a
potential husband. Does he have...
1. Acceptance of self?
2. Proper response to authority?
3. Clear conscience (sins of past confessed and
forsaken)?
4. Willingness to yield personal rights?
5. Moral freedom?
6. Personal, growing relationship with Christ?
7. Purpose in life?
8. Financial freedom?
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 the Christian Woman
GOALS AND PRIORITIES
Four things to remember. Every person needs:
1. Time for the Lord - devotions, Bible study and
prayer.
2. Time for family - special times for husband
and children.
3. Time for others - soulwinning, counseling,
helping.
4. Time for yourself - rest, recreation, learning.
Scheduling:
1. Analyse your obligations.
2. Set some plans.
3. Practice intelligent neglect of less important
things. Things to be sure to do: Bedroom - bed
made. Kitchen - dishes washed. Bathroom -
clean fixtures. Living Room - uncluttered.
4. Don't do anything better than it ought to be
done.
5. Reward yourself as you check things off the
list.
6. Be reasonable.
7. Do harder and more unpleasant jobs first.
8. Get a vigorous start in the morning.
9. Have a place for everything.
10. Practice preventative maintenance.
11. Have house rules.
12. Prepare for the morning rush the night before
as much as possible.
13. Find your own work rhythm.
14. Never handle anything twice when you can
handle it only once.
15. Keep a calendar.
16. Make a record of phone calls.
17. Make use of time that would otherwise be
wasted.
18. Concentrate on one thing at a time.
19. Make busy work enjoyable or profitable.
A. Memorize scripture
B. Pray
C. Sing or listen to music
D. Exercise
E. While watching TV--sew, knit, iron, cook,
etc.
20. Avoid thinking of the responsibilities that you
will need to do tomorrow.
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21. Learn to say "NO!" Guidelines:
A. To anything that will make you resentful
B. To inappropriate demands
C. To violation of your own standards and
morals
D. When you know it would not be good for
another person
E. To things that conflict with your own
priorities
COUNSELING
General Suggestions:
1. Study and learn all you can.
2. Learn to set up a counseling file.
3. Counsel in a definite place--preferably in an
office.
4. Make appointments. Set a time limit.
5. Screen out real problems ahead of time.
6. Always pray with the person.
7. Try to give a Scriptural prescription.
8. Remember that some people do not make good
counselors.
9. Keep your own life in balance.
10. Watch about unhealthy emotional attachments.
11. Always seek the Holy Spirit's wisdom.
Specific Suggestions:
1. Watch about your own attitudes and
prejudices.
2. Don't ever show shock.
3. Don't over-identify with their problems:
a. You can't be objective.
b. You will become emotionally exhausted.
4. Three problems to face in counselling:
a. Know yourself.
b. Know the person you are counseling.
c. Have a plan to help them.
5. Recognize the difference between physical,
spiritual, emotional problems. All problems are
not spiritual.
6. Never give a private opinion on spiritual
matters.
7. Be sure to recognize when to get professional
help.
8. Be careful about giving advice without a
Biblical basis.
9. Don't take sides in a family dispute.
 the Christian Woman
10. Study personality--Recognize that there are
two levels: conscious and subconscious.
11. If you come to a long pause, ask the person to
rephrase what he has just said.
12. Ask leading questions to get to the problem.
13. Don't be afraid of pauses. Sometimes they are
revealing the true problem.
14. Let the person set the pace of the counseling.
15. Don't argue a person out of a problem.
16. Don't condemn and never ridicule.
17. Don't probe into questions that are not related
to the problem just out of curiosity.
18. If the person is unsaved, a goal must be to lead II. JOYFUL ACCEPTANCE OF THE RIGHT
that person to Christ.
19. If the person is a Christian, try to lead the
Christian to commit himself to do the will of
God.
20. Don't commiserate and tell your own problems.
21. Avoid using "pat" Christian phrases.
22. Be aware of the 2-fold purpose of counseling:
a. To help the person find a solution to his
immediate problem.
b. To give the person the skill to solve
problems in the future.
23. Identify the real problem; sometimes it is
different from what the person himself says.
24. Some of the simplest problems can be solved
by listening to the person talk out his problem.
25. Never argue in counseling. If they won't follow
what the Bible says, then you are wasting your
time.
II. THE JOYFUL WIFE
By Mrs. Joy Martin
Texts: Proverbs 31:10-31; Ephesians 5:22-24;
1 Peter 3:1-9; Titus 2:4,5
Introduction: The marriage relationship is to be one
of joy; God gave Adam Eve to be
suitable for him, a companion,
sweetheart, friend--to bring him joy and
delight. Ecclesiastes 9:9--"live joyfully
with the wife whom thou hast taken";
Proverbs 5:18--"Let thy fountain be
blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy
youth..."
13
I. PURPOSES OF MARRIAGE
A. To provide mutual comfort and
strength--emotionally, physically, spiritually
(Ecc. 4:8-12)
B. To provide mutual delight--a satisfying
physical relationship (Proverbs 5:18,19; Song
of Solomon 7:10)
C. To produce children and train them for God.
(Psalm 127:3-5)
D. To picture Christ and the Church
(Eph. 5:22-33)
POSITION IN MARRIAGE--SUBMISSION
A. Take your God-ordained place as a "helper
suited for him," not a boss; Ephesians 5:22
(Amplified version) reads, "Let the wife see that
she respects and reverences her husband--that
she notices him, regards him, honors him,
prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and
that she defers to him, praises him, and loves
and admires him exceedingly."
B. Put your husband first, not your children.
You will be a wife longer than you will be a
mother.
C. Take your feminine role gladly; there can be
a leader only if there is a follower. Help your
husband take the place of leadership by being
his best booster, his supporter, his cheerleader.
Brag on him; never publicly criticize.
D. Understanding the true meaning of
submission
1. It is voluntary, intelligent obedience to any
God given authority in your life.
2. It is freedom to be creative under the
protection of divinely appointed authority
3. It does not make you a doormat, a non-entity
with no personality or will.
4. It does not mean you cannot offer counsel.
5. It does not mean you have to obey all men.
6. It must be unconditional.
III. JOYFUL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP
A. Make yourself attractive to him
1. Be gentle and peaceful in spirit
(1 Peter 3:4)
 the Christian Woman
2. Have the law of kindness in your lips
(Proverbs 31:26)
3. Always be clean, sweet-smelling,
well-groomed; dress to please him.
(Proverbs 31:22; Song of Solomon 7:6-9).
4. Be feminine in dress, hair, talk, and action
(Deuteronomy 22:5; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
B. Be his sweetheart--love him and show it.
1. Remember that sex is a natural, sweet,
God-ordained part of married life, pleasing V. JOYFUL SHARING
to God and important for a happy married
life. (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5;
Proverbs 5:18,19; Song of Solomon)
2. God created both of you with needs and
desires; learn to tell him freely of your needs
and desires. You will find happiness as you
learn to make him happy.
3. God puts no limitations on the love between
husband and wife.
C. Pray and plan together about the number of IV. JOYFUL SPIRITUAL ASSISTANCE.
children, spacing, etc. Remember that you are
"heirs together of the grace of life"
(1 Peter 3:7). Study Bible principles regarding
family planning.
1. Children are the special gift of God for our
blessing.
2. Pray and seek God's will about how many
children you should have.
3. Learn the possible methods of family
planning.
4. Husband and wife alone must make this
decision.
5. There must be a mutual agreement.
6. Consider financial, educational, and
medical questions.
7. Do what you do by faith.
8. Accept a "surprise baby" as God's plan.
IV. JOYFUL SERVICE-
Make your home a pleasant place for your husband
(Proverbs 31:13,27)--be a "keeper" of the home.
A. Take care of his clothing. Assist in picking
out and coordinating his wardrobe if he desires
this.
B. Have meals on time and served attractively;
try to regularly include his favorites.
14
C. Make the home clean and attractive but
comfortable.
D. Be diligent about financial matters; be
economical--watch for sales, don't waste, pay
bills on time, shop carefully, be careful about
installment buying..."A prudent wife is from the
Lord" (Proverbs 19:14)
E. Rub his back or do other acts of love and
tenderness.
"the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her"
(Proverbs 31:1)
A. Cultivate his interests--learn to enjoy what
he enjoys.
B. Share his burdens; be sensitive to his needs.
C. Listen to him talk.
D. Spend time together--definite time to be
together alone.
(Proverbs 18:22--"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a
good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord.")
A. Stay in fellowship with the Lord; then you
will be easier to live with!
B. Pray for him privately.
C. Become prayer partners--"If two of you shall
agree..." (Matthew 18:19)
D. Don't ever discourage any spiritual desires
or his dreams. You can squelch his love.
E. Support him--MAKE IT EASIER FOR HIM
TO DO RIGHT THAN TO DO WRONG!
(Family altar, going to church, etc.)
F. Do not neglect your husband to fulfill what
you feel are spiritual duties.
G. Influence him through love and life; if he is
not saved, win him by your godly life
(see 1 Peter 3:1-9)
H. do not try to change him. "You do the
possible and trust God to do the impossible."
DON'T EMBARRASS YOUR HUSBAND
BEFORE COMPANY
1. Don't say, "I've heard that one before, dear". Of
all the sad words, those take the prize. A
husband's highest pride is always as a
 the Christian Woman
raconteur, a teller of tales. To be stopped in full
flight in the midst of a masterpiece is an
embarrassing deflation. Edwin Booth played
Hamlet a thousand times. Why shouldn't your
husband recount as often as that the drama of
when he put a traffic policeman in his place?
2. Don't interrupt your master to correct him
before company. Don't strike a sour note by
exclaiming, "You are wrong, sweetheart! That
didn't happen at Santa Monica, California, but
at Caribou, Maine. Remember?"
3. Don't reveal publicly that your husband is a
liar. Remember that imagination is a divine
gift. Don't wither it. Don't break in on a tense
climax by exclaiming, "But we were never in
Moscow, darling! How could Stalin have been
talking to you?"
4. Don't seize the moment when all eyes are on
your husband to brush off imaginary lint from
his coat, as though you were a Pullman porter
or the mother of a retarded child.
5. Don't apologize for your husband's limitations.
When the roast chicken comes onto the dinner
table don't say, with a cheerful giggle, "Poor
dear Anthropos never learned to carve. The
chicken will be off on the floor in a minute, or
in your lap. Watch out!" That may add to the
gaiety of the party, but it is now grounds for
divorce.
6. When your husband goes to sleep in the midst
of the lecture, or in the living room while the
guest of honor is giving her autobiography in
extenso, don't wake him up abruptly and
ostentatiously, so that his bewilderment
becomes a public merriment. Be subtle. Easy
does it.
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR WIVES
1. Carefully guard thine health so thou canst
always greet thy husband with a smile.
2. Never nag or complain.
3. Do not worry about things which thou canst
not change.
4. Do not spend all thy time scrubbing, cleaning,
and dusting the house.
15
5. Love thine husband and children more than the
house.
6. Know how to prepare good, nutritious food
and keep it on the table.
7. Know the limitation of thy husband's income
and do not try to keep up with the Joneses or
others.
8. Do not buy a hat or hairdo or wig that makes
thy husband unhappy.
9. Remember that at times silence is golden.
10. Do not drive the automobile from back or side
seat.
WHAT A WOMAN OWES HER HUSBAND
Mrs. Walter Handford
I. MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT
It is a promise, a commitment to be fulfilled.
Ez. 16:8; Job 31:1; Prov. 2:16,17; Hosea 3:1-3;
Mal. 2:14-16; Rom. 1:31 A covenant regardless of the
vows said, or understanding of what was involved.
II. THE WOMAN'S PART OF THE
COVENANT.
A. Absolute commitment: "Trust the captain."
1. Absolute obedience to his authority.
Eph. 5:22, 24, 33; Col. 3:18; 1 Cor. 11:3;
1 Tim. 2:11-15; Titus 2:4,5; 1 Peter 3:1-6.
Disobedience is actually despising.
Esther 1:17,18. Do it without "gainsaying"
(Acts 10:29; Jude 11; Num. 16:6 ff)
especially don't do it for a "spiritual" reason
(Num. 12:1 ff)
2. Trust his judgment.
3. Have absolute faith in God that He'll protect
you and your family.
4. Absolute commitment to principles of
Scripture in your own life.
5. Strong commitment to home responsibilities:
good food on time; clothing clean; house
pretty and clean.
B. Constancy: faithfulness
1. Faithful in body. Hos. 2:19,20; Prov. 31:11;
Eccl. 7:26-28.
2. Faithful in mind. Matt. 5:28. No lustful TV
shows or books or imaginations.
 the Christian Woman
3. But also positive, joyful, enthusiastic
emotion of deep affection as well.
Prov. 5:18; Song 2:3-5.
C. Charity: old-fashioned love
1. 1 Cor. 13 kind of love.
2. Courtesy, Eph. 4:2.
D. Companionship:
The life of the mind. Song of Solomon 5:16.
E. Contentment:
What he owes you: "food, raiment, and duty of
marriage" Ex. 21:10; 1 Tim. 6:8.
(Ingratitude - Hos. 2:5) Great need to express
contentment and gratitude.
F. Compassion: Gal. 6:1
His "faults" may actually be his strengths. He
may be very well aware of his faults, and trying
to fix them. We expect his compassion for our
failings.
G. Children:
A man has a right to have children, and a wife
who will gladly share the burden of children.
She must convey to the children her glad
surrender and obedience. 1 Peter 3:7; Gen. 5:29
YOU CAN BE YOUR HUSBAND'S BEST
HELPER
by April Kelley
God's way is always the best way, and that includes you," but do we really realize what we are saying? Do
His marvelous blueprint for marriage. Some of the
happiest people on earth are Christian husband and
wife who follow the Bible plan for living together and we can possibly be we should dedicate ourselves to
are constantly looking for ways to show their love for
each other. Nearly eighteen years ago I had the
thrilling experience of becoming "Mrs." to a
newly-called preacher of the Gospel, Bob Kelley. Of
course, I felt I had married the most wonderful man in he doesn't know the Lord as his personal Saviour.
the world (I still feel that way!), and bent over
backwards to please him.
I recall my first days of "wifely" ironing, and I
always chuckle at how "green" I was. Here's how it
happened. Bob was a senior at Tennessee, and he
attended classes five days a week. Each morning he
went to school, and each afternoon he worked for
Tom's Peanut Company. He had to wear work clothes and I will answer thee" (Jeremiah 33:3)
to school, because of his vending machine route.
Back in the 1960's, clothes were more difficult to
launder than they are today. Women had to do much
more ironing. So, it fell my lot to make sure Bob's
work clothes were pressed just right. Every morning
when he left for school, I felt he was so handsome! I
was extremely proud of my ironing efforts. The
surprise of my life came three weeks after school had
begun. Bob came home one day, lovingly put his arms
around me and said, "Honey, let me show you how to
iron men's pants. The crease goes in front, not along
the side!"
One day we asked the Dean of Students at Temple
and his wife to be our first guests for dinner. I think
we had roast beef, green beans, and mashed potatoes.
As I recall, it turned out that I had prepared barely
enough food for each of us to have one small helping.
Ignorance is not always bliss - it's sometimes
embarrassing! There are numerous ways a wife can
help her husband. Keeping a clean, neat house is a
good start. Always being on time with the meals is
another sign of an industrious wife. Helping relieve
her husband from unnecessary burdens is always
commendable. But above everything else the Lord has
laid on my heart that the wife can do all of these things
and much, much more if she will earnestly pray for her
husband. Second Corinthians 1:11 says, "Ye also
helping together by prayer for us." I am convinced that
the most helpful wife is the most prayerful wife. How
often we have made the statement, "I will pray for
we truly know how to intercede for others and
especially for our husbands? To be the very best wife
"Pray without ceasing" for that wonderful man God
has given us.
Perhaps some of you are married to an unsaved
man. He may be good to you in many ways, and yet,
Don't despair! I once had an aunt who prayed for her
husband's salvation for fifty years, and a few years
before his death, he was gloriously saved. Learn to
agonize before God and pour out your heart to Him as
you claim your husband's salvation. Never, never give
up! Be faithful to call, and God will show Himself
faithful to answer. God's Word says, "Call unto me,
16
 the Christian Woman
If your husband is saved, you, too, have a grave
responsibility to keep him before the throne of God in
prayer. It's true that we all lead busy lives today.
However, the first and foremost task of the Christian
wife should be to pray diligently for her family and
especially for her husband. He had many decisions to
make, so pray that God will give him special wisdom
each day. He may travel extensively so pray that God
will grant him divine protection. He may face some
difficult problem or trying temptation that particular
day, so plead the blood of Jesus against the devil in
your husband's behalf. Pray, and as you wait before
God, allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate your hearts as
to how you can best help your husband that day.
What should you pray? Not, Lord help my husband
to see what a dumb mistake he's making by buying the
car." Not, "Please, Lord, help him to see how he's
neglecting me." Not, "Lord, make him stop even
thinking about moving to Colorado."
Rather ask God to show you how you can meet
your husband's needs. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict
you of your failures in meeting his lacks. Ask God to
give him the wisdom and discernment he needs to
make the right decisions, and to help you to be patient
while He deals with his life.
Oh, yes, you can be your husband's best helper as
you daily intercede for him, and for yourself, to be
what he needs in a wife.
III. THE JOYFUL MOTHER
by Mrs. Joy Martin
"He maketh the barren woman to keep house and
to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord"
(Psalm 113:9 See also Psalm 127:3-5; Psalm 128:3;
John 16:21)
A Mother's Joys
1. To participate with God in the miracle of
birth--"as heirs together of the grace of life."
(1 Peter 3:7)
2. To have the daily joys of a child's love--pats
and kisses and hugs.
3. To have the supreme joy of seeing the child
trust Christ as Saviour.
4. To have the fellowship and fun of playing
together and working together.
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5. To see the child grow into a fine Christian
person, serving God--"he that begetteth a wise
child shall have joy." (Proverbs 23:24)
Motherhood brings hard work, pain, and tears, but
never forget it--God intended for women to have joy
and satisfaction through children. Here are suggestions
on how to find this joy. Texts: Proverbs 22:6,
Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9.
I. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN AND SHOW
YOUR AFFECTION (Titus 2:4). Cuddle
but don't coddle!
II. SPEND TIME WITH THEM--play with
them, read to them, take them places.
Family night, work together, ministry for
all, meal times, games, etc.
III. STUDY THEM--"Train up a child in the
way he should go" - You must know your
child - "the way he should go" in
keeping with his individual gifts--his
appointments, Proverbs 22:6.
IV. DISCIPLINE THEM; Proverbs 13:24;
Proverbs 29:15,17. The rod and reproof
give wisdom.
A. They must learn to obey you if you want
them to obey God. Chasten them while there is
hope--Proverbs 19:18. Break the will, not the
spirit. See: Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20;
Hebrews 12:5-11.
B. Be firm and consistent--make your
commands of supreme importance; don't lie!
C. Make the discipline fit the misdemeanor; if
they need spanking, then do a good job; don't
just "spat".
D. Be reasonable; don't provoke your children
to wrath. Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4.
Watch about venting your irritations on
children. It will create bitterness.
E. Supervise your children; do not give a
command if it is not important enough for you
to see that it is carried out. Do not teach the
child to disobey by failure to check on him.
 the Christian Woman
F. Spank as soon after the offense as possible.
Keep clear the connection between the sin and
the punishment.
V. SET THE EXAMPLE--many things are
"caught" rather than "taught"--make their earliest
impressions of you right.
VI. PROVIDE A HAPPY, SPIRITUAL
ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR HOME.
Hebrew 13:1, "Let brotherly love continue."
A. Have a family altar--daily Bible reading,
prayer, without fail.
B. Provide good reading matter.
C. Play good music--classical and Christian;
supervise TV viewing.
D. Don't allow fighting and quarreling.
Colossians 3:15, "Let the peace of God rule in
your hearts." Ephesians 4:31,32 "...Be ye kind."
E. Attend church services as a whole family.
F. Encourage your children to invite their
friends to your home; make it a center of happy
activity--singspirations, popcorn parties, youth
groups, etc.
VII. WIN YOUR CHILDREN TO CHRIST
while they are small; this is your privilege and
responsibility; then pray much for them.
Luke 18:16; Mark 9:36.
VIII. DEVELOP THEIR CHARACTER--
teach them the following:
A. To be contented and thankful--no griping.
Philippians 2:14, "Do all things without
murmuring and disputing."
B. To work--assign regular jobs at an early age
to fit their ability. 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12.
C. To be dependable. Romans 12:11, "...not
slothful in business; fervent in spirit, serving
the Lord."
D. To obey those in authority--no sassing.
Ephesians 6:1.
E. To be courteous--good manners are
important. 1 Peter 3:8
F. To be pure in mind and body--prepare them
for marriage (sex education).
1 Thessalonians 4:3-7--called to "holiness."
1 Corinthians 6:19,20--Glorify God in your
body and spirit.
18
G. To care about others--unselfishness.
Philippians 2:4, "Look not every man on his
own things, but every man on the things of
others."
H. To be honest and truthful, no matter what
the cost.
IX. PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS
A. Set goals--have a purpose.
B. Don't nag about unimportant details; don't
make issues of unimportant things.
C. Help the child establish good habits by use of
charts, time limits, etc.
D. Don't be overly critical--supervise and
direct; praise good work and reprove; don't
degrade. Help give them confidence.
E. Be patient; don't get discouraged; remember
God's mercy to you.
Don'ts in Discipline:
1. Don't call a child names.
2. Don't make a federal case out of
everything--Ex. spilled milk.
3. Don't make wrong threats--"I'll get the
police." "You'll get a shot". "Daddy will
whip you".
4. Don't promise what you won't or can't do.
5. Don't punish just because you are angry and
need an outlet.
6. Don't slap around--spank where God
intended.
7. Don't interfere with mate's discipline.
8. Don't compare child unfavorably with
another.
HOW DO CHILDREN BRING JOY?
(Dr. Rice, The Home)
1. Children satisfy the inborn craving of a girl to
be a mother and of a boy to be a father. There
is a great sense of well being, a sense of the
fulfillment of destiny, a sense of having what
one's heart has always desired.
2. Parents experience a growth in character that is
impossible without having children; There is a
certain development of character, a certain
appreciation of holy values, a certain
understanding of deepest spiritual truth that
comes with being a father or in being a mother.
 the Christian Woman
3. God gives someone to love when he gives a
little child. When the second child comes
along, strangely enough, the father can feel no
diminution of his love for the first-born. But he
simply enlarges his capacity to love, and with it
his capacity for enjoyment and happiness.
4. Children bind husband and wife together, make
more sure the marriage tie.
a. A husband and wife who have a mutual
object of their love in a child have good reason
to forgive and overlook the failures that are
certain to come. One naturally has a more
active conscience if he feels accountable for
the little ones he has brought into this world.
b. Married love grows much through the
birth and training of little children; they plan
together; they sacrifice together. Each is
willing to give up his own way, partly, for the
well-being of the little one.
WHY NURSE YOUR BABY?
Advantages to Mother
1. Nursing promotes quicker recovery.
2. It is more economical.
3. It is generally more convenient and less
time-consuming.
4. It usually gives mother more time with baby in
hospital.
5. It aids in spacing babies to some degree.
6. Nursing builds love and intimacy between
mother and baby.
7. Nursing encourages mother to take time to
relax and enjoy mothering.
8. Nursing can provide excellent occasion for
praying and meditating.
9. Nursing is excellent for long trips.
Advantages to Baby
1. Breast milk is the right temperature.
2. It is immediately available--no waiting.
3. It is fresh and pure; nothing is destroyed by
heating or storing.
4. It prevents constipation.
5. It promotes good formation of mouth and
facial structure through sucking.
6. Breast milk is more easily digested. Baby is
never allergic to it.
19
7. It promotes growth of good bacteria in
system.
8. It provides a complete well-balanced diet for
baby.
9. Baby has fewer skin eruptions, allergies, etc.
10. Baby has fewer respiratory problems.
11. Breast milk contains hormones and enzymes
that cannot be reproduced in
formula--resistance to disease through mother's
immunity, etc.
12. It provides close physical and emotional
contact with mother; builds security.
13. Baby generally gets more time with mother in a
totally satisfying experience.
14. It is safer in primitive conditions or emergency
situations.
Miscellaneous Considerations
1. Breast-feeding is natural and normal, designed
by a wise God!
2. It can be a blessing to your older children as
you remind them of your care for them as
babies.
3. Most women are able to nurse; size has
nothing to do with ability.
4. Be modest; avoid offending others.
5. Invest in a good bra and suitable clothes for
nursing.
6. Check with doctor early in pregnancy for his
suggestions about any preparation.
7. Working mothers can give 1 supplement and
still nurse.
Choosing Your Doctor for Delivery Ask his
views regarding...
1. Prepared childbirth; will he insist on using
medication whether you need it or not?
2. Allowing husband in the delivery room.
3. Breast-feeding your baby (make sure he's for
it).
Prerequisites to Successful Nursing
1. Adequate rest, including short rest periods
during the day.
2. A well-balanced diet (sit down!)
3. Adequate fluids, including milk, fruit juices,
etc.
4. A contented mind--resting in the Lord and
enjoying the role God has given you.
 the Christian Woman
5. Persistence--work at it despite obstacles; get
good advice.
SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN time. Decide what will be a "Spanking matter"--
Mrs. Joy Martin
1. Meal times
Make meals happy occasions. All should be
present for every meal as much as possible. No
discipline given at the table. Discuss pleasant
subjects; involve the whole family. Use candles,
etc. to create atmosphere. Set a pretty
table--family dishes. Have an attractive
centerpiece--let children help. Have
"banquets"--try foods from different counties.
Teach them to eat a little of everything. Don't
allow them to say "I don't like."
2. Family devotions
3. Bedtime with small children.
Routine is very important. Have prayer for
confession and forgiveness.
4. Family nights
5. Play times--indoor and outdoor- (caroms,
memory, Chinese checkers, rook, monopoly,
sorry, touring; volleyball, badmitton, basketball,
towel fastball, croquet, frizbee, catch, etc.
6. Work time--cooking, dusting, cleaning floors,
clothes, yard-work.
7. Craft projects--work together on home-made
birthday and Christmas gifts, decors for the
home, etc.
8. Singing--go through hymnbook, fun songs,
"opera"
9. Trips--vacation; Give everyone a notebook.
Make a scrapbook. Keep a folder of ideas.
10. Take one child with you when you run
errands--Spend time individually.
11. Church services--revival, Bible conferences;
Family "pew" (allow them to have a friend sit
with them)
12. Ministry--visitation, soulwinning, cut outs
for promotion, hand out tracts together, etc.
13. Reading aloud--favorite books, poems,
nursery rhymes
14. Naps with little ones.
20
SIX PRINCIPLES FOR DISCIPLINE
Dr. Gerry Benn
Have a plan--discuss and work it out ahead of
sassing, deliberate disobedience. Overdiscipline and
underdiscipline have the same effect--rebellious
children.
1. Establish guilt--child must understand what he
has done (If you have already established rules,
it helps.) Don't ask "Why did you do it?" but
"What did you do?"
2. Establish your authority--God requires parents
to discipline children or He will hold them
responsible.
3. Establish your love--"I love you so much that I
can't let you do wrong and not correct."
"Whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth..."
4. Exercise discipline:
a. In private place
b. With neutral objects--not with hand
c. Where God intended (on his "buttocks")--no
slapping, jerking, etc.
d. Long enough and hard enough to do the job
5. Encourage fellowship:
a. Pray together
b. Hug the child
c. Let him know he is forgiven (Don't send to
room--double punishment--might make him
feel rejected.)
6. Expect the right response--Child should be
loving and eager to please. If there is pouting,
rebellion, etc., then your job was not effective.
THE FAMILY ALTAR
Mrs. Joy Martin
1. Find the best time for your family and keep it
as an appointment for God.
2. Have it in a regular place--keep Bibles there.
3. Involve each member of the family in some
way--quoting verses, answering questions.
4. Always give the Bible a prominent place--even
if you use a story book or devotional
book--older children can read aloud--advantage
of reading through Scripture.
 the Christian Woman
5. Don't make devotional too long--probably 20
minutes (It should not be like a preaching
service.)
6. Always include prayer for all of family
needs--exams, physical needs, temptation, sins,
missionaries, church.
7. Sometime include singing and Scripture
memory.
8. Audio-visual aids are valuable with children.
Use flannelgraph, a tape, hand puppet, pictures,
etc.
9. Occasionally allow one of the children to give
the story.
10. Make Bible truths practical and interesting.
PROBLEMS OF PREACHER'S KIDS.
What do you do when church people criticize your
children?
1. Thank them for coming to you
2. "I will look into that"
3. Discuss it with the child and find out the truth
of matter.
4. Take appropriate action--If the child did
wrong, be careful to discipline. If he did not do
wrong, try to make it so the child does not have
to be in that situation regularly.
What factors may be involved when the preacher's
children have serious problems?
1. Lack of Attention from Parents. The preacher
and his wife must be careful not to give their
children the idea that the work of the ministry
is more important than the family. Although
the preacher's time may be limited, he must
plan definite time to spend individually with
his children.
2. Unreasonable Expectations of Others.
Occasionally church people or even the pastor
himself may make unreasonable demands upon
preacher's children. They may expect
perfection.
3. Insisting on Rigid Standards without Giving
Biblical Basis. Children ought to be taught to
do or not to do certain things because the Bible
teaches it, not simply because Deacon Jones
"will criticize Daddy if you do that".
21
4. Poor Attitude of Parents toward Ministerial
Problems. If either the mother or father or both
display bad attitudes toward people in the
church, or are resentful about certain problems,
this can have a very detrimental effect on the
children.
5. Lack of Discretion in Discussing Problems of
the Ministry. Parents will need to exercise care
and discernment about how much they discuss
of church problems in front of their children.
Younger children may not have the emotional
and spiritual maturity to handle talk about
distresses within the church.
6. Assuming Spiritual Growth in Children is a
Natural Result of Being in a Preacher's Home.
Sometimes parents wrongly assume that their
children will become strong Christians just
because they attend church regularly, have
family altar, etc. Preacher's children, just like
any others, need definite instruction in
salvation, personal devotions, character
development.
7. Failure to Provide A Well-Balanced Life. Even
preacher's children need a happy social life. If
certain social activities are denied because of
worldliness, parents must make sure that other
proper social activities and recreation are
developed so that the children have a
well-balanced life. Life in the pastor's home
ought to include wonderful times of fun and
fellowship, with opportunities for socializing
with friends.
8. Lack of Proper Discipline. Howard Hendrich's
speaks of the "peril of the pendulum" in the
matter of discipline. Overly severe and
unreasonable discipline produces the same
effect as no discipline--rebellious children. The
husband must take Biblical leadership in the
matter of giving "the rod".
 the Christian Woman
HOW TO DEVELOP GREATNESS IN YOUR
CHILDREN
Jessie Sandberg
1. Surround your children with good books and
good music. Encourage a love for reading.
2. Help your children to learn to recognize the
consequences of sin.
3. Make your home a happy place to be.
4. Encourage Scripture memorization at an early
age. Establish a family altar.
5. Teach your children to enjoy work.
6. Encourage your children to learn something
that will help him develop confidence in
himself. Provide lessons and give support and
encouragement.
7. Be generous with praise. Take time to listen to
your children. Discuss family needs and other
problems freely with your children. Allow your
children to express their feelings and to
question.
8. Make a big thing of family celebrations and
traditions. Give your children links to their
past. Help them develop family pride.
9. Teach independence and self-reliance. Help
your children to learn to make decisions.
10. Welcome your children's friends into the home.
Make your house a gathering place for friends
and neighbors.
11. Help your children learn how to handle
disappointment.
12. Let your marriage be a model that your
children will be happy to copy. Show that you
like each other as well as love each other.
13. Do all you can do to help your child build
happy memories.
14. Show your child that privilege brings with it
responsibility.
15. Teach your children to have respect for
themselves and for other people. Help them to
see that respect is a prerequisite for love; that
respect for other people is an important aspect
of leadership.
16. Win your children to the Lord at an early age
and help them day by day to learn to have a
strong reliance upon the Word of God and to
22
learn that prayer is the answer to all life's
problems.
IDEAS FOR MAKING CHRISTMAS A
HAPPY, SPIRITUAL TIME
by Joy Martin
1. Pray and plan about a special " birthday gift"
for Jesus beyond your regular tithe to your
church. This might be a donation for a special
project in your church, or for another sound
Christian organization. It might be purchasing
toys for a needy family, buying and preparing
Christmas dinner for some lonely people, etc.
If you are married, include the children.
2. Help your children make gifts for teachers and
others-candy wreathes, paper mache, etc. Many
ideas in magazines.
3. Plan a special Christmas "program" for your
own family before you open presents. Have a
part for every member of the family. Include
Scriptures, songs, special music, testimonies
of God's goodness during the year, readings,
etc. But don't make it too long (In some homes
this might be done immediately after
Christmas dinner).
4. Let children help stuff and stamp Christmas
cards; include them as much as possible.
5. Have a cookie baking party; if you have
children, even little ones can help decorate
cookies with nuts, sprinkles, red hots, etc. If
you are not married, have a cookie baking
party (or taffy-pull) with several friends
(fellows or girls) and prepare some trays of
cookies for invalids, etc.
6. Visit a rest home; plan to sing carols, bring
homemade Christmas cookies, and hand out
special Christmas tracts.
7. Plan a Christmas open house; serve simple but
festive refreshments-punch and coffee, banana
bread, cookies. If you want to be more
elaborate, make a large ball of cheese (cream
cheese blended with shredded cheddar cheese,
chopped onion, a dash of Worchester sauce or
other seasoning) rolled in chopped nuts, little
crackers, pinwheel sandwiches, ribbon
sandwiches, or other canapes. For inexpensive
decorations for tables, piano, etc. use lots of
 the Christian Woman
fresh greenery, green, red, or white candles,
and lots of pretty balls. Try surrounding the
punch bowl with fresh greenery and filling in
with a small string of Christmas lights, taping
the lights in place around the sides of the bowl
(but don't get them where they will be wet!)
Take a pretty jello mold, put red and green
cherries in the bottom and fill with your punch
in advance. Freeze it, and then when you are
ready to serve your punch, run hot water over
the back of the mold till it slips out to cool
your punch, not dilute it. It looks pretty in the
bowl.
8. If there is a really good Christmas T.V. special,
plan to watch it as a whole family. Afterwards
pop corn and make popcorn balls-red and
green balls are fun.
9. Get several good Christmas books to read
aloud to the family several nights during the
season. Establish a tradition that children can
look forward to--For example, The Bird's
Christmas Carol by K.D. Wiggins, Dicken's
Christmas Carol and others.
10. Memorize the Christmas story in Luke and
Matthew for several weeks preceding
Christmas. Practice in the car when traveling,
etc. Even little ones learn this way.
11. Sing "Happy Birthday, Dear Jesus" on
Christmas Day. Little ones as well as big enjoy
this and it is a reminder of the meaning of
Christmas.
12. Don't get so busy that you lose the joy of
Christmas. Try to make routine tasks happy
because of your purpose: pray for people as
you address their Christmas cards, etc.
13. Plan a budget of what you can spend. Make
lists and keep careful records. Do not
overspend, and be very careful about buying
Christmas gifts on charge accounts. Remember
to put the Lord first.
PRINCIPLES OF CREATIVITY
Mrs. Jesse Sandberg
Creativity is a gift of God and carries with it the
responsibility for development and use.
1. Awareness is a major element of creativity. It
is also essential to the Christian who wants 23
to be a good marriage partner, a good parent
and an effective soulwinner.
2. Creativity is an attribute not related to
intellectual genius. It cannot be measured by
standard I.Q. tests.
3. Creative people are not easily bored.
4. Creative people learn to make the most of the
present; they do not wait for better
opportunities, for more leisure time.
5. Creative people do not need other people's
attention to be happy.
6. Creative people learn how to use "wasted" time
- minutes spent waiting in lines sitting in
doctor's offices, etc.
7. Creative people are more fun to be around.
8. Creative people always have a project they are
working on. They keep notes of ideas they
hope to work out in the future.
9. Creative people learn to work around the
obstacle of limited money.
10. Creative people are not frustrated with
experiments that fail. They learn what they can
and try again.
11. Creative people tend to promote creativity in
others.
12. Creative children are not apt to fall into
temptations related to idleness.
13. Creative people tend to be fulfilled, satisfied
individuals.
14. Creative people look at changes in life and new
experiences as opportunities to learn and grow.
15. Creative people are curious people. They are
not afraid to ask questions.
16. Creative people are readers. They want to
know how other people react to life and solve
problems.
CREATIVITY IN THE HOME
Mrs. Jesse Sandberg
1. Make your relationship with your husband
something interesting and changing. DON'T
ALWAYS BE TOTALLY PREDICTABLE IN
YOUR ATTITUDES AND TASTES.
a. Plan special treats for your husband at
bedtime.
b. Put "love note" in his pockets: sometimes a
 the Christian Woman
verse of Scripture
c. Bake a surprise once in awhile.
d. Occasionally put candles in your bedroom:
wear a new perfume when you go to bed.
e. Mentally check the things you know are
most important to him and work at having
them done one whole week - putting the
paper where he can find it, turning down
covers, having his shirts clean, etc.
2. Start looking, smelling, seeing. Learn to enjoy
the things you have around you all the time that
you take for granted.
3. Start a file - recipes, poems, etc.
4. Learn to sew.
5. Try a new hairdo once in a while.
6. Start keeping a journal.
7. Try writing a poem.
8. Make your own birthday cards.
9. Make your own Christmas gifts.
10. Try some new exercises; a new diet.
11. Provide materials and tools for children's
projects. Be generous with Scotch tape, paper,
glue.
12. Give your children a corner where they can
work on projects for an extended time.
13. Let your children cook -- encourage learning
special recipes. Teach them the responsibility
for cleaning up their own mess.
14. Make a big thing of birthdays and traditions.
15. Learn when and how to break routine. When
children get restless try a backyard or a
"fireplace" picnic. Why not serve ice cream or
hot dogs for breakfast just for the fun of it.
16. Keep a box of old clothes and costumes for
play and pretending.
17. Invest in books, records, music, inexpensive
pictures.
18. Find a way to provide special lessons in art,
music, etc. (if you can't afford to pay, exchange
services -- laundry, baking, baby sitting, etc.)
19. Learn to use fabric remnants, contact paper and
paint to make a house fresh and pretty.
20. Learn to refinish furniture, upholster furniture,
mat pictures, make bookcases, improvise
lighting.
24
21. Learn to grow cheap plants: avocado, potato,
orange seeds.
22. Experiment with cake decorating.
23. Learn to make yeast bread.
24. Always set a pretty table even when only the
family is home-always a place mat and paper
napkin and often a nice tablecloth.
25. Look for weeds and wild flowers that will fill a
pretty pot in summer: learn how to dry flowers
for pretty winter bouquets.
IV. THE PASTOR'S WIFE
By Mrs. Lee Roberson
The wife is not the pastor, nor assistant pastor--she
is his wife, his helpmate. She must learn that only by
dying to self can she be the pastor's wife used of God.
I. THE PASTOR'S WIFE WILL NEED TO
LEARN LESSONS IN MANY WAYS:
A. Love for all people--lovely and unlovely;
young and old; rich and poor.
B. Good appearance--not extreme hair styles,
dress, etc.
C. Faithfulness to all services of the Church.
D. Letting others take places of
leadership--leading them.
E. A personal relationship with the Lord;
devotional life--time alone. Bible reading prayer
(even if it means losing those extra few minutes
of sleep).
F. Kindness and concern for those with whom
she comes in contact.
II. THE PASTOR'S WIFE CAN EITHER
HELP OR HURT HIM.
A. By keeping things in order at home so that
he can have privacy in the preparation he needs
for services, etc.
B. She must not be a slave to the house, but
neither should she neglect the important things
of having dishes washed, beds made, and
bathrooms cleaned daily. These very important
things take only minutes a day, but they are
necessary as basic household chores. The other
cleaning, washing, ironing, sewing, etc. can be
done at a planned time, not every day.
 the Christian Woman
C. Meals should be ready to serve when the
pastor comes in, having arranged ahead of time
the exact hour he wishes them. Then arrange for
him to let you know if something comes up to
keep him away.
D. Doing all she can to keep a happy, cheerful
atmosphere in the home--and not saving all the
unhappy happenings of the day to greet him.
Punish the children on the spot--don't make
Daddy do it when he arrives home.
III. THE PASTOR'S WIFE WILL NEED TO
BE AS EFFICIENT AS POSSIBLE IN
ORDER TO HELP HIM.
A. This doesn't mean that she runs the church;
but rather that she should not try to!
B. Never try to run the pastor, nor criticize him.
He is the pastor!
C. Don't be guilty of listening to gossip--you can
always be very busy when someone wants to
gossip.
IV. THE PASTOR'S WIFE HAS A PLACE NO
OTHER WOMAN IN THE CHURCH CAN
HOLD.
A. She can pray for her husband with more
understanding than all the others put together.
B. She can make life easier for him by doing all
the "little things" he doesn't have time for-suits
to cleaners, laundry checked, clothes ready
when needed, etc.
C. Watch for the lonely ones who need a
friendly greeting at church. Try to speak to as
many as possible (new members especially).
D. Never miss a service unless you are
absolutely unable to go--should I say "move"!
E. Tell the Lord your own problems, and He
will never betray your confidence!
F. Know where your children are in the
services. Make them sit where you can see
them. This is after agreed age of around 15 or
16; otherwise, keep them with you.
G. Don't expect to be patted on the back for
anything; you'll get your crown later!
25
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THE
PASTOR'S WIFE
1. Thou shalt not tear down thy husband in
public, remembering that one of the cardinal
principles of a successful marriage is respect
for thy mate's ego.
2. Thou shalt not look disinterested during a
service of worship, even though thou hast
heard this powerful sermon of thy husband's
for the 9th time.
3. Thou shalt not accept the presidency of the
missionary society, for she who invests herself
with office openeth the door to much criticism
and robs others of leadership opportunities.
4. Thou shalt not sing in the choir, even if thy
voice of operatic quality, unless thou hast the
hearty consent of the choir director, the church
officers, the staff, thy husband and the janitor.
5. Thou shalt not extol thy husband's virtues in
public, for his deeds are his best press agent;
besides, thou wilt offend other women who
also have perfect husbands.
6. Thou shalt not take unto thyself a confidante
(a close friend to share secrets with), because
today's confidante may be tomorrow's
adversary. Moreover, confidantes always have
good memories.
7. Thou shalt not entertain lavishly, dress
conspicuously, talk boisterously or lead
aggressively. Two leaders in a minister's
household often wreck the family and disturb
an otherwise peaceful flock.
8. Thou shalt not show impatience when the
former minister's wife is extolled, and thy
talents seem small by comparison.
9. Let thy children be restrained by the ideal of
being good for goodness' sake and not because
of public opinion. "They are just p.k.s
(preacher's kids)" can be a compliment rather
than a joke.
10. Thou shalt not fail to pray and to fill thy days
with good works, for the quiet demonstration
of God's presence and power in thy daily life
may turn more to righteousness than the
mighty preaching of thy honored husband.
(Above all, let not thy spouse suspect this.)
 the Christian Woman
A DECALOGUE FOR THE PASTOR'S WIFE
1. Thou shalt love all your members at all times
and under all circumstances.
2. Thou shalt learn to live as the most observed
woman in the church.
3. Thou shalt always remember your family
obligations first of all.
4. Thou shalt learn to develop a remedy for
loneliness for the many nights your husband is
away from home.
5. Thou shalt learn to live on a limited income
and a strict budget.
6. Thou shalt learn how to meet discouragement.
7. Thou shalt learn how to be adaptable and
willing to learn.
8. Thou shalt develop your natural talents and
abilities.
9. Thou shalt have a definite interest in the daily
work and program of your preacher husband.
10. Thou shalt often renew your personal
consecration to the task of the church.
TEMPTATIONS
To the Pastor (Dr. Cravens)
1. Whine - self-pity
2. Dine - gluttony--overeating
3. Recline - laziness and lack of discipline
4. Shine - self glory and pride
5. Resign - to quit; to be defeated
6. Feline - females, women who greatly admire
him
To the Pastor's Wife
1. Spiritual pride -
attitude of being "holier than thou"--being
pious.
2. Professionalism -
losing one's fervor and compassion--doing
our ministry mechanically, out of duty, with
no love.
3. Discouragement and Depression.
4. Busyness -
not learning to differentiate between the
good and the best, between the important
and the urgent.
26
5. Gossip -
Because the pastor's wife frequently knows
intimate details of many lives, she needs to
be very discreet and never betray
confidences.
6. Perfectionism -
unrealistic in one's expectations of
oneself--trying to be "perfect" in
everything--result? the "totaled woman."
PRIORITIES
How involved should you be in the church work?
1. Seek the will of God for you. Remember "the
need does not necessarily constitute the call."
2. Discern your husband's wishes--Make it a rule
of life before accepting any position to say:
(1) Let me pray about it;
(2) Let me ask my husband about it.
3. Consider your family needs and the time
available. Remember your children and home
are your first responsibility before God
(Titus 2:4). When your children are young,
they will require more of your time and
attention. Consider priorities when your child
is sick.
(1) Do you have a reliable baby-sitter?
(2) How serious is the illness?
(3) Does the child have a special "need" for
his mother?
(4) Who could fulfill your responsibilities at
church?
4. Consider your abilities and your talents. Don't
push people out, and God will open up a place
for you. It is better to work in the church than
outside if possible. It tends to bring the
husband and wife closer.
5. Evaluate your own health, stamina, and
personality. Just because a previous pastor's
wife did a particular thing does not mean you
must do it too. Know yourself.
6. Consider the needs of the church. Ordinarily,
the smaller the church, the more
responsibilities the pastor's wife will have. As
new members come in, she should help them
assume leadership.
 the Christian Woman
THE FIVE DEMANDS FOR A PASTOR'S
WIFE
1. Dedication to the Lord's work;
Romans 12:1,2. If the Lord has called your
husband, then He has called you. Personal
surrender. God wants you to "volunteer" - "Here
am I; send me."
2. Discipline of life;
1 Timothy 4:12-16. For the sake of testimony,
live a disciplined life. A preacher's family
should try to follow the same schedule as other
working families. Establish as much as you can
by habit, and you will have more time to do
creative things. Get on a schedule, but be
flexible. Discipline makes you more effective.
Rules develop character. The larger the family,
the more rules.
How to set a happy atmosphere in the morning
1. You get up on time.
2. Dress attractively for the day.
3. Get something cooking which smells good.
4. Give your husband orange juice or coffee if
he is hard to wake up.
5. Wake everyone up with a kiss--breakfast in
10 or 15 minutes
6. Turn on cheerful music.
3. Denial of self:
Galatians 2:20; Matt 16:24; 1 Cor 15:31.
Dead to criticism and dead to praise. There are
going to be criticisms. Great opportunities go
hand in hand with adversaries. You can get a lot
done if you don't care who gets the credit.
4. Diligence in Preparation;
2 Timothy 2:15. Study--diligence. Being a good
Pastor's Wife is not an accident, you must work
at it.
Ways to prepare:
1. Go to school and take courses, even if you
cannot complete a degree.
Courtship and Marriage, Counseling,
Evangelism, Flannel-graph, Music--piano
and voice, Art, Home Economics,
Audio-Visuals, Speech, English, Speed
Reading, Bible Doctrines, Adult and Youth
Leadership, Etiquette, Sign Language, First
Aid, etc.
2. Attend conferences and seminars.
This could be combined with a vacation.
3. Set up a regular reading schedule.
Christian magazines and other worthwhile
magazines, Reader Digest, U.S. and World
Report, News, etc. Make a list of books you
plan to read. Add to your library.
4. Observe other pastor's wives.
Offer to do something for a pastor's wife. Go
visiting with her, invite her to lunch with
you. Keep a missionary in your home.
Observe dress, walk and talk of a pastor's
wife.
5. Carry a notebook, and jot down quotes,
devotions, prayer requests, sermon outlines,
ideas, sayings and illustrations.
Try to be "one of those people on whom
nothing is lost."
6. Set up a file so that you have material on
many subjects.
Organize it so that you can find it both for
yourself and others.
7. Become a person of the Book--the Bible.
Make the Word of God the center of your
life. Know how to find the Biblical answers.
8. Get practical experience now.
Engage in visitation, helping in the nursery,
working in a chapel, Children for Christ, rest
homes, choirs, detention homes, the
afternoon Sunday School, the bus ministry.
9. Listen to your husband.
Find out what is important to him for you to
do, and make those things a priority.
5. Delight in services;
Psalm 84:10; Deuteronomy 28:47; Psalm 40:8
"I delight to do thy will." Keep your attitude
right. God does not want our sacrifices or
services given mechanically or merely out of a
sense of duty with no joy or delight.
BIBLICAL REQUIREMENTS
Qualities to Cultivate as a Pastor's Wife
I. LOVE
A. This is the foremost quality you will need.
1 Peter 4:8; Proverbs 19:1. If people can tell
27 that you love them, they will be willing to
 the Christian Woman
overlook many shortcomings. Love is the
correction fluid that covers flaws, and a cement
that fills in all the chinks in a relationship.
B. Show your love in positive way. Ways to
express love:
1. By touching -
Touch is a very important part of loving.
Many times a touch will say more than
words. Actions must be above reproach in
regards to the opposite sex. Pastors need to
be very careful of this in counseling ladies of
the church.
2. By smiling and looking directly at people.
Listen --- give full attention to those who are
speaking. Before and after service find
someone to watch the children.
3. By saying something encouraging, whether
by a note or in person.
Reach out to people. They want to talk, but
they may be afraid to speak first.
4. By standing at the church door at the close
of services.
Shake hands at the door with everyone. Or
arrive early at services so that you may greet
people.
5. By giving small tokens of your love and
interest.
1. Plants and flowers
2. Food - casserole, cake
3. Christian booklets The more you love
the more capacity for love you will
have.
C. Cultivate a love for every age. Every age
group needs love. Notice something special.
"Prickly" people are not easily loved. Make it a
project to cultivate those people. Find out their
needs and "break" them down. Find the area
where their heart is tender.
II. COURTESY
Good manners is simply a matter of "Doing the
right things in the kindest way possible."
A. Learn to make introductions properly.
B. Exercise tact in handling "people" problems
- don't put people on the defensive.
C. Cultivate proper table manners - you will set
example at teas and banquets.
28
D. Practice areas in which you are deficient
until you begin to be comfortable.
E. Have a good etiquette book on hand for
reference regarding questionable things.
III. GOOD COMMAND OF YOUR
LANGUAGE AND A PLEASANT
SPEAKING VOICE.
A. Learn to speak in pleasant tones. The voice is
the image of the soul. A pleasant voice is a low
well-modulated voice. It should convey not
only efficiency but warmth.
B. Don't show irritation. Don't be frustrated by
constant phone calls or repeated questions, but
ask the Lord to keep "the law of kindness in
your tongue".
C. Speak clearly when leading in prayer and
making announcements.
D. Learn the proper use of your language.
Grammatical errors can offend people.
IV. THE ART OF LISTENING.
A. Learn to listen. Often the best counsel is
simply to listen sympathetically to someone's
problem.
B. Be discreet - never reveal confidences.
V. BE FLEXIBLE
A. Roll with the punches. Learn to look at
interruptions as opportunities.
B. Remember that "people are more important
than things", the needs of people are more
important than schedules.
VI. LOYALTY AND FAITHFULNESS
A. Be faithful in attendance at services of the
church.
B. Be loyal in supporting your husband and his
ministry.
BIBLICAL REQUIREMENTS
FOR PASTORS AND THEIR FAMILIES
Titus 1:6-9; 1 Timothy 3:1-7
A. Negative aspects
1. Not self-willed
2. Not soon angry
3. Not given to wine
4. No striker--not a brawler (a pastor is not to
get his own way by physical force)
5. Not given to filthy lucre--be content with the
money God has given you.
 the Christian Woman
Don't make a decision on the basis of money.
Filthy lucre is money gained in an unlawful
way.
B. Positive aspects
1. Blameless
2. The husband of one wife
3. Having faithful children--not riotous or
unruly; Preacher's Kids are special; they
should be examples. If a man is not a
Counting The Cost Of Being A Pastor's Wife
Problems
I. LONELINESS
A. Only limited friendships
B. Frequently called to areas very different in
climate and culture
C. Often far from family and friends.
II. LIMITED TIME WITH HUSBAND AND
ERRATIC SCHEDULE
A. Husband "on call" 24 hours a day.
B. Many claims on his time - sermon
preparation, counseling, administrative
work, visitation.
C. Frequent interruptions in plans.
D. The average pastor puts in from 70-90 hours
per week.
29
spiritual leader in his home, how can he be a
leader in the church?
4. A lover of hospitality
5. A lover of good men
6. Sober, sensible, discreet
7. Just, fair-minded, reasonable
8. Holy, pure, no tarnish on his life
9. Temperate--one who keeps his life in hand;
self-control
Solutions
1. Be creative about your time
a. home improvements
b. craft projects (cake decorating, in crocheting, sewing,
etc.)
c. decorating
d. gardening
2. Learn that you don't have to depend on others
3. Learn to write letters--send cards. Cultivate friendships
while in school--for later.
4. Group visitation-have a brunch and visit--you can visit
with different ladies each week. Have many friends.
5. Seek friendship with other pastor's wives. Be careful
about competition in attitude and doctrinal differences.
6. Develop friendship with staff members.
1. Plan your time wisely so you spend time with your
husband when he has it.
2. Adapt to husband's schedule because he is under a great
deal of pressure. Be flexible.
3. Try to plan a day off together (may be an afternoon or a
morning). Encourage your husband to take care of
physical and emotional needs of himself and of the
family. His pressures carry over to family.
4. Get children to bed at reasonable hour so you can spend
some time with your husband. Take snack to
husband--"Time to take a love break."
5. Plan a "date" once a week. This could be combined with
visitation. Even if you are financial pressed get pie and
coffee or something. YOU NEED THAT TIME OUT!!!
Don't go to a fast food place regularly--go someplace to
relax and let someone else wait on you.
 the Christian Woman
Counting The Cost Of Being A Pastor's Wife
Problems
III. LACK OF PRIVACY. ("fish bowl existence")
A. People may be especially curious about you and
your family.
B. If your house is near to church, you will have
greater problems.
IV. EXTREMELY HIGH STANDARDS (even
unreasonably high) SET FOR YOU AND
YOUR CHILDREN.
V. FINANCES
A. Income may not be proportionate to others
in the church, although your husband may
have the most education.
B. In a young, struggling church, finances will
be limited.
C. Some churches are not as considerate as
others in evaluating the pastor's needs.
D. Much of your income may seem to be "hand
to mouth" - you may not be able to see in
advance how finances will work out.
1. Remember that your husband is commissioned by the
Lord, not hired by church.
2. Be willing to accept what God provides.
3. Avoid resentment regarding money. 1 Cor. 9:7-18.
a. vs. 11 - if you sow spiritual blessings, you will reap
physical blessings.
b. vs. 6 - Your husband has to preach whether he is
paid for doing it or not.
4. Avoid feeling poor. "Poverty is often a state of mind
rather than a reality." Reject self-pity.
30
Solutions
1. You may have to lock doors and build a privacy fence.
2. You must have the attitude that the house and rooms are
God's. Dedicate your house to the Lord for Him to use.
3. Have Open House at least once a year - this will satisfy
the natural desire of your people to see how you live.
1. To a certain degree, this is scriptural.
2. Convey to your family that we don't go by other
people's standards; at our house we set the standards.
Convey it in a way that it involves a sense of family
pride.
3. Never tell your children they must behave a certain way
just because they are Preacher's Kids or people will
criticize.
4. Teach them to "adorn the ministry."
5. If you make a standard for your children, it should be
based on Scripture, NEVER what the Joneses say. Make
your children feel privileged.
6. Learn how to handle criticism of family by church
members.
5. Recognize the blessings of financial pressure.
a. It motivates you to depend on God.
b. It is exciting to see how the Lord will take care of
you daily. (Phil. 4:9)
c. It provides an opportunity for other people to get
a blessing by helping you. (Phil. 4:16,17)
d. It does good things for your character.
e. It inspires ingenuity and creativity.
f. It should make you more diligent and careful about
using money - A faithful steward.
6. Resolve to be content - Heb. 13:5,6.
a. Sometimes you will suffer need--Are you willing to
continue inspite of the need?
b. Sometimes you will abound--enjoy it!! There is
nothing wrong with that. (Phil. 4:11,12)
REWARDS OF THE MINISTRY
1. The privilege of being married to a man of God. You
have been counted worthy.
2. Special opportunities for soul winning - hospital, calls,
counseling at the altar, etc.
3. More opportunity to use all of your talents and abilities.
There is no ability a pastor's wife has which cannot be
fully developed and used for the Lord.
 the Christian Woman
4. Opportunities for travel and living in different parts of GENERAL PRINCIPLES FOR DECORATING ON A
the country. BUDGET
5. Getting to meet great people of God - pastors, 1. Start a file.
missionaries, evangelists. 2. Have along-range plan to implement gradually.
6. The love and prayers of the people you minister to. It is 3. Choose colors that set the desired atmosphere - plan
a precious privilege to have so many people who love color scheme carefully.
you and pray for you every day. 4. On the walls you may use paint, fabric, wall paper,
7. Gifts from those in the church. contact paper, paneling.
8. Financial benefits available from other sources. Doctors 5. Use plants and flowers for decorating.
may not charge as much, discount for phone bills, no 6. Use pictures in groupings - photos, children's drawings
service charge at many banks, cleaners, special tax (use mats or inexpensive frames).
breaks, (but do not expect everyone to give you 7. Use pillows, throw rugs, afghans, slipcovers, etc. to
discounts). There are many ways that God provides for cover flaws and make rooms homey.
you. 8. Use curtains and drapes effectively - can be made from
9. Special respect in community. The ministry is ordinarily sheets, etc.
counted among the most influential professions in a 9. Have attractive centerpieces on the table - candles,
community. flowers, fruit or vegetables, figurines, etc.
10. Opportunities for children--advantages far out-weigh 10. Use books & candles to decorate and set mood.
disadvantages. 11. Decorate with collections of any kind - dolls, baskets,
11. Participation in husband's ministry, which involves great fans, etc.
opportunities for sharing in work, praying, counseling. 12. Use mirrors to create illusion of depth - can expand
More than in most careers, the ministry is ideal for room.
developing a partnership between husband and wife. 13. Use lamps effectively. Lighting is very important in
creating mood.
GOD'S REQUIREMENTS FOR WOMEN (NOT JUST 14. Learn how to give new life to old furniture by refinishing
PASTORS' WIVES) TITUS 2:4,5 it, covering with contact paper, changing knobs, etc.
Eight things older women should teach younger Advantages of the study in the church:
women: 1. It is more private for counseling ordinarily.
1. To be sober--sensible, serious minded 2. It might be quieter for study (particularly if there are
2. To love their husbands small children in the home).
3. To love their children 3. It may encourage the pastor to work better.
4. To be discreet--no immorality or impurity 4. He will have the Sunday School records, etc. on hand.
5. To be chaste--actions 5. It frees the wife from the need to answer the phone and
6. To be keepers at home (diligent) act like a secretary.
7. To be good--good works for glory of God Advantages of the study in the home:
8. To be obedient to their own husbands 1. It might be more convenient when the church is far
This is how the Word of God is reinforced--"that the Word of away.
God be not blasphemed." This is God's "job description" for 2. It might be more private in some cases.
every married woman. Remember that God does not give a 3. The office is available for use anytime of the day.
separate list of requirement for a minister's wife. She is to be and The Pastor's Study should include:
do what God requires of any other godly woman. Realizing this 1. A good big desk. 7. Pin up board for messages.
should release a young pastor's wife from the mistaken motion 2. A comfortable desk chair. 8. Plants.
that she is supposed to be some brand of "super-woman." 3. A good light. 9. Lock on the door.
4. File cabinets. 10. Attractive decor.
5. Bookcases. 11. Waste basket; typewriter;
6. Either a couch or two good phone; cabinet for
chairs for counseling. supplies, etc.

31
 the Christian Woman
WHEN TO KEEP 7. If you want to appear wise. "Even a
YOUR MOUTH SHUT fool, when he holdeth his peace, is
by Jessie Rice Sandberg counted wise: and he that shutteth his
I am an inveterate list maker. I
lips is esteemed a man of
make list of things to do. I make understanding." Prov. 17:28
list of my dreams, of 8. If the matter is none of your business.
resolutions, of people who are "The heart knoweth his own bitterness;
important to me, of favorite
books, of things for which I and a stranger doth not intermeddle
praise the Lord. with his joy." Prov. 14:10
9. When you are tempted to tell an
Recently, as I read through the book of Proverbs, a outright lie. "Put away from thee a
new list came to mind; and since it could be as
important to you as it was to me, I am sharing it with froward mouth, and perverse lips put far
you here. from thee." Prov. 4:24
10. If your words would destroy a
Don't open your mouth: friendship. "A froward man soweth
1. In the heat of anger. "He that is soon
strife: and a whisperer separateth chief
angry dealeth foolishy." Prov. 14:17
friends." Proverbs 16:28
2. When you don't have all the facts.
11. When your words will damage
"He that answereth a matter before he
someone's reputation. "An ungodly
heareth it, it is folly and shame unto
man diggeth up evil: and in his lips
him." Prov. 18:13
there is as a burning fire." Prov. 16:27
3. When you haven't verified the story.
12. If you may have to eat your words
"Seest thou a man that is hasty in his
later. "Death and life are in the power
words? there is more hope of a fool than
of the tongue: and they that love it shall
of him." Prov. 29:20
eat the fruit thereof." Prov. 18:21
4. When you are tempted to joke about
13. If you've already said it more than
sin. "Fools make a mock at sin: but
one time. Then it becomes nagging.
among the righteous there is favour."
"A foolish son is the calamity of his
Prov. 14:9
father: and the contentions of a wife are
5. If you would be ashamed of your
a continual dropping." Prov. 19:13
words later. "The words of a
14. When it is time to listen. "A wise son
talebearer are as wounds, and they go
heareth his father's instruction: but a
down into the innermost parts of the
scorner heareth not rebuke." Prov. 13:1
belly." Prov. 18:8
15. When you are supposed to be
6. If your words would convey a wrong
working instead. "In all labour there is
impression. "He that hath knowledge
profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth
spareth his words: and a man of
only to penury." Prov. 14:23
understanding is of an excellent spirit."
Prov. 17:27
32
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
Why You Shouldn't Marry
Or Date An Unbeliever
"Be Ye Not Unequally Yoked
Together With Unbelievers. . ."
II Cor. 6:14
The "Fellowship"
Of Darkness and Light
By Melody Green
Introduction
At first glance, it may seem that an article such as this
is unnecessary - that anyone who loves God could not
possibly consider spending their whole life married to
someone who doesn't. This, unfortunately, is not the case. I
receive letters daily from women who are desperately trying
to serve God in a full and complete way, but are unable to do
so because their husband loves and serves the world.
I am addressing this article to Christian women in
particular, because in my counseling experience, they
seem to make this mistake much more frequently than
men do. However, the problems and the principles I
will be talking about can obviously be applied to any
Christian thinking of marrying (or for that matter even
dating) someone who doesn't 1ove Jesus with all of
their heart. (This article is not for those of you who
were first married and then became a Christian at a
later date. Even though, as a result, you may now be
married to someone who is not following Jesus, it was
not a choice you made since becoming a Christian.
This article is for single Christians who still have the
"dating' and marriage question ahead of them.)
MISSIONARY DATING
I'm not exactly sure who came up with the term
"missionary dating," but I love it because it so
appropriately paints the picture. Imagine this-a young
girl, full of zeal for God, goes to a remote tribe of
natives somewhere to evangelize the lost. She ends up
having a special burden for the chief's handsome
young son. He seems interested in God, and so she
starts spending quite a bit of time with him in hopes of
winning him to the Lord. Then, before you know it,
her friends at the Missionary Society receive a
postcard saying that she is getting married and won't
be coming back. Was he converted? Well, not
really-but she has full confidence that he will be
shortly. Meanwhile, she's happily getting ready to set
up housekeeping in his hut full of idols (which, of
course, she wouldn't think of worshipping), and
dreaming of the wonderful future they will have
together. If you heard of a situation like this, what
would you think about this girl's chances for real
happiness-or her professed love for the Lord? Her
actions certainly seem to contradict the very things she
says she believes in.
I think it's safe to say that every marriage starts out
with a simple date. Many Christians are deceived
when it comes to this. They feel all right about dating
an unbeliever, just as long as it doesn't "get too
serious." They may think, "Well, one or two dates
can't hurt anyone. Besides, maybe I can lead him to the
Lord. I just want to have some fun right now, but
when it comes to settling down, I will definitely marry
a Christian." Then lo and behold, the next thing they
know they have "fallen in love," and are desperately
trying to rationalize their relationship and their
upcoming marriage-to themselves, to their friends, and
to God. I say this-any Christian foolish enough to date
an unbeliever is foolish enough to marry one!
IMPORTANT DECISIONS
Marriage is the biggest and most important
decision you will make after your decision to follow
Jesus. And as I said before, all marriages start out with
a "first date." One of the main problems is that too
many Christians approach the idea of dating with far
too casual of an attitude. They have adopted the
world's view on this, instead of God's. There is no
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
such thing as "playing the field" when it comes to
Christianity.
Sure it gets lonesome sometimes, but remember,
every date has the potential of becoming a lifelong
relationship. Spending time with the wrong person is
opening yourself up to becoming emotionally involved
to a point where it is not always so easy to turn and
walk away. Once you have given your heart and your
emotions to someone, you will be surprised at how
difficult it is to have the desire to take them back-even
if you know you should. Here is part of a typical letter
I have recently received from a young Christian girl.
She has already been counseled and encouraged to do
the right thing, but I wanted to share her predicament
with you:
"I'm 16 and the daughter of missionaries here in
the Middle East. I've had a really close walk with the
Lord, and He has been good to me in so many ways.
But I met a guy at school.
He's not a Christian, and we've been going out for
over three months. At the time, I believed it was fine,
unless we married, which ofcourse I have no intention
of doing because he isn't a Christian. But lately I've
spoken with someone who told me it was wrong, and
that I should never have gone out with him in the
beginning.
"This evening he came over while I was listening
to the new tape of Keith's. Afterwards we were
talking, and he laughed at all the weird Jesus, and
dumb Christian songs' that I listen to. I let him know I
was hurt by the way he laughed about the name of
Jesus, and now I really feel bad inside because of it,
and I feel we should end our relationship. But it's very
hard because we really like each other a lot, and I'm
afraid my witness will all go down the drain if we
break up. I'm really asking the Lord for wisdom now.
If you have a few spare minutes you could remember
me in prayer." -Kept Anonymous
Don't wait until it's too late. The time to ask Jesus
for wisdom is before you start a relationship-not after.
It is much easier than you think for your heart to
overrule your conscience. Once your own desires are
demanding priority, your zeal to put God first starts to
quickly fade away. Your emotions are a powerful
thing, and if you don't control them, they will control
you! (Jer. 17:9)
UNEQUALLY YOKED
"Do not be bound together with unbeliers" 2 Cor. 6:14
In the Bible, Jesus (and here, Paul) gave many
illustrations using agriculture and animals as
examples, since these were common things to
everyone in that day. So what does it mean to be
unequally yoked? Picture if you will, two oxen tied
together at the neck by a wooden crosspiece so they
can pull a plow. They are two animals of the same
species who have been joined together to do a specific
job. They have been carefully trained to respond to the
same commands, and once they are united, they are
considered to be a team. A wise farmer picks two
animals of similar size, strength, and temperament
because he knows they will work the best together. If
one of them needed to be whipped before he would
move, and the other one was terrified at even the sight
of a whip, it would seem unwise to tie them together
and expect them to work as a team. One "teammate"
would frantically try to run away, while the other one
would stubbornly refuse to budge. In fact, if two like
this were joined together, it seems that disaster might
be at hand-with possible damage to the equipment,
hurt and confusion to the "teammates," and of course,
the work would never get done.
Our beloved Jesus is the wisest and most loving
"Farmer" in all the universe. He knows that we would
never be happy if we were bound to someone who was
pulling us in the opposite direction from where we
wanted to go. Our life would be one continual tug of
war, and we would never be able to get on with the
work that we were called to do. That is why He
commanded us to marry "only in the Lord."
(1 Cor. 7:39) If we are going to serve God in our
marriage, then both partners must be in agreement
about the job that needs to get done, how it's going to
be accomplished, and who they are going to be taking
their orders from. It is really very simple. I guess that's
why it constantly amazes me that so many choose to
ignore God's wisdom, thinking in vain that "it will all
work out fine in the end."
THE DATING GAME
I think it should be becoming increasingly clear to
you that dating is not to be done lightly-nor without
God's approval! This doesn't mean that you have to
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
feel called to marriage with someone before you can
spend any time together-but you must be able to see
the qualities of a sincere lover of God in this person,
and the fruit of their faith should be evident for all to
see. If they pass this most crucial test, you still must
seek God to see if it's all right to take the time to get to
know this person better. You should seek the Lord
privately on this-that is, not with the person you are
interested That way, if God says "No," no one will be
hurt. I am assuming you have already spent time with
this person in group situations-but a deeper
relationship should only be entered into if and when
the Lord gives you His express permission. If you are
afraid to hear a possible "No" from God, then you are
not seeking His will, but your own. This should be an
immediate danger signal that something is wrong, and
you shouldn't make a move until you get your heart
right with the Lord.
Does all that sound a little strict to you? Well, just
ask someone who has chosen the wrong mate due to a
lack of patience, counsel, and prayer. They will tell
you that they wish someone would have told them the
same things I am now telling you. So many are bound
in miserable, unhappy marriages because they ignored
Jesus and let their own desires drown out the voice of
God. They have learned their lesson the hard way, and
now it is too late for them to turn back and start over.
Marriage is forever. Once a mistake is made, you can't
turn around and say, "We got married out of God's
will, so now we'll just get a divorce!" It doesn't work
that way. The Bible tells us that if our unbelieving
mates consent to remain with us, then we must not
send them away. (I Cor. 7:12-13)
Why even put yourself into the position of
possibly making the wrong decision? Since God's
Word commands us not to be "unequally yoked," it is
foolish and openly rebellious to even consider it. You
will be headed towards almost certain disaster if you
lean to your own understanding instead of trusting
God and taking Him at His word.
VALUES, GOALS, AND MOTIVATIONS
When I became a Christian, my whole life was
turned upside-down. I could no longer deal with things
in the same way that I had before, because God's way
was different. Everything changed. I made an abrupt
"about-face" and had to sit down and re-evaluate every
aspect of my life. One of the first things I noticed was
that my reasons for doing things had changed. I was
motivated by a love for God and a desire to please
Him, instead of my own selfish desires. As I drew
closer to God, He revealed his heart to me, and I found
that some of the things that had meant a lot to me were
no longer important. And other things, on which I had
put little or no value, began to sparkle and shine like
jewels. My eyes looked towards eternity, instead of
focusing on the temporary things of this world. I
truly think my heart would have been broken if I had
not been able to share my excitement, joy, and love of
God with my most beloved here on earth-my husband.
LACK OF TRUE INTIMACY
"...For what partnership have righteousness
and lawlessness or what fellowship
has light with darkness?" (II Cor. 6.14)
When it comes right down to it, someone who
loves Jesus just doesn't have that much in common
with someone who doesn't. Sure, you may enjoy the
same hobbies, or be engaged in the same type of
work-but when it comes to the things that really
matter, you will be miles apart. In a marriage, when
that first rush of excitement wears off, you will find
yourself yearning for the true intimacy and oneness
that can only be experienced with someone of "like
mind." You will be unfulfilled and strangely lonesome
in this closest of all partnerships if, due to different
beliefs, you cannot experience true intimacy. Neither
of you would be able to share the deepest longings of
your heart with each other, because your whole basis
of looking at life-your very reasons for living-would
be totally different. Your hearts and lives could never
be truly united because there would be no common
bond to draw you together and keep you together.
When I speak of marriage, I am speaking of a
lifelong commitment to love, honor, cherish, and
obey-till death do you part! How could you even
consider making such a deep and binding commitment
to someone who doesn't love Jesus? As a Christian,
you have the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to
govern your life. But the Bible tells us that those
without Jesus have the world, the flesh, and the devil
to direct theirs. These are the very things we as
Christians are told to overcome. (I John 2:14-17) How
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
can you hope to overcome that which you have
married, committed, and submitted your life to?
MARRY NOW-REFORM LATER
Many Christian girls seem to be pacified by the
fact that their unbelieving boyfriend doesn't seem to
object to their Christianity. Even though he doesn't
believe like she does, he seems extremely tolerant and
even goes to church with her sometimes. He really is a
very nice guy, and his biggest vice is drinking a few
beers with the boys while watching football. She
figures if she marries him, they will have a lot more
time together, and then she can really "work on him"
and get him saved. Sadly enough, she will find that it's
not as easy as she thought it would be. Eventually, her
husband's acceptance of her Bible Studies and
Christian friends starts to wear thin, and the tension
between them begins to take its toll on their marriage.
Most girls don't realize that if they are not strong
enough to resist the temptation of marrying an
unbeliever, they probably aren't strong enough to ever
win him to the Lord!
"CONVERSIONS" OF CONVENIENCE
Sometimes in order to marry a Christian girl, a
fellow will "make a commitment" to Jesus because he
knows he has to. He'll start going to church just to
make her happy. In fact, he may even be sincerely
trying to "get into it." But if it is not a decision arising
from seeing his own need for God, then it is
meaningless and will be short-lived. His
"commitment" usually starts to fade some time after
they get married-when it's no longer necessary for him
to put his best foot forward.
I never trust a "conversion" of this type, and I
consistently tell all those I counsel to let this fellow
prove his commitment on his own. That is, to follow
Jesus not by his girlfriend's side, but to get to church
or Bible Study on his own steam, not on a date. If he
proves to be sincere, growing, and firmly planted in
Jesus, then after several months, she can start to pray
and seek the Lord about the possibility of entering into
a deeper relationship. The problem is, most girls don't
have the patience to test the fruit. As soon as "Mr.
Right" even looks like he's about to utter a sinner's
prayer, she's off picking out towels, dishes, and
bridesmaid dresses.
THE SECOND LAW OF
THERMODYNAMICS
In science, the Second Law of Thermodynamics
essentially states that as time passes, anything that's
left on its own will deteriorate. Things left on their
own will not be built up, but they will eventually
break down. In other words, as time goes by, things
get worse, not better-and a life, left on its own without
God, will get worse. You never know what's around
the corner. People who have married "occasional
drinkers" have later found themselves married to
alcoholics a couple of years down the road. You can't
judge the future by the present circumstances when
you are dealing with someone who has chosen to go
his own way in life. If you have the Lord, you should
be able to expect growth and maturity. If you don't
have the Lord, you won't know what to expect. This
isn't the old " marijuana leads to heroin" story of a few
years back-but sin does lead to more sin-and a life that
is not willingly yielded to Jesus and guided by His
loving hand could end up anywhere... doing anything!
COMPETITION
I think one of the hardest aspects of a marriage
where the partners are unequally yoked is the feeling
of competition between them. However subtle or
unspoken it may be, the competition is felt. As a
believer, your values and ideals will constantly be
challenged as you live out
your day-to-day life. The
unbeliever will always be
trying to prove
(consciously or
unconsciously) that he is
just as happy as you are,
without having any so-called "religious experience". . .
and you will, of course, want to show him that actually
you possess the greaterpeace and fulfillment through
knowing God. You will have no spiritual leadership or
support during times of trials, and your faith will be
undermined, not encouraged. And eventually, as the
competition grows stronger, your mate will probably
get tired of competing with your friends, your church,
and your God for your attention and your love.
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
COMPROMISE
A believer, when put in this postion, is many
times tempted to compromise her faith in order to
maintain a peaceful marriage. She can no longer serve
the Lord in an open and free way, because if she does,
her marriage may fall apart. What a terrible spot to be
in! When you start to compromise, your walk with
God becomes weak and undernourished. You will be
guilty for your lack of obedience to God, which will
tend to push you even further away from Him than you
already are.
After awhile, frustration sets in for both of you
because neither one is really free to do the things that
make you happy. You don't have someone to love
Jesus with, and he doesn't have someone to love the
world with. He doesn't enjoy your friends and
activities, and you don't really enjoy his. You are
longing for someone to share your joy in Christ-and he
is getting different types of longings. He may even
start to think that if you won't go out and have his kind
of fun, maybe he'll find someone else who will! As
you can imagine, in a situation like this, the pressure
really starts to build.
Because you are both being held back from the
things you want to do, bitterness and resentment enter
into the picture, putting an even bigger distance
between the two of you and causing more problems. In
many situations, once the resentment does set in, the
unbelieving mate just may have learned enough
Scripture from you to hurl it like tiny bullets of truth
to pierce your heart. After all, the Bible is true. And
even though he may not believe it, he knows that you
do-and he may love to see you crumble under
conviction, condemnation, or confusion from his
attacks upon you and your faith. The Word of God is a
powerful tool ... even in the hands of the unrighteous.
You may think I have painted an unrealistic
picture of the ruin of a marriage, but I have read
hundreds of letters-all full of the "same story." It's
almost impossible for a marriage like this to survive
(and they usually don't) unless the believer
compromises his or her faith almost to the point of
having none. So it's not only the probable death of a
marriage I am talking about, but a possible spiritual
death as well. I believe that's why the Bible gives us
such a strong warning against a union of this kind.
THE PROPER BALANCE
Usually, those who want to hang onto their "right"
to continue on in the same way with their old friends
and their old lifestyle say, "But, I'm not supposed to
isolate myself and associate only with Christians!"
Well of course you're not. We are the "salt of the
earth," seasoning the world with the love of Jesus.
(Matt. 5:13,16) The world and the people in it need
Christians. How else will they ever find out about the
only True Love that exists?
But you mustn't ever forget that although we are
in the world, we are never to be a part of it. We must
always be careful to keep our eyes on the Lord and
immediately flee any situation that may cause us to
stumble and fall away from our heavenly calling.
(II Tim. 2:22)
Too many Christians use the excuse of "winning
their friends to the Lord" to keep one foot in the
world, and so themselves remain partakers of worldly
pleasures. God knows our hearts. If your friends or
associates are causing your love for God to "cool off,"
it is far better to sacrifice that friendship, than to
sacrifice your relationship with Jesus. No relationship
on earth is more important than your relationship with
your Father in heaven. If you are not strong enough to
resist temptation, then admit it and stay away from it.
Don't worry about "your witness." If you fall away
after knowing and preaching the truth, your only
witness will be a bad one anyway!
CHILDREN
One thing people don't usually think about when
they first get married is having children. Usually it's
the furthest thing from your mind as you're walking
down the aisle. But somewhere down the line, you
will probably want to start a family. But what is "a
family"? Is it the mere presence of children that
qualifies you as a family, or is it something else? A
family unit as I see it consists of a group of people
bound together by love, a sense of loyalty, and a
sincere desire to see each other reach their fullest
possible potential and purpose in God. Most
traditionally, it consists of Mom, Dad, and some kids,
although it can be larger or smaller according to
circumstance or the leading of the Lord.
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
One thing for sure, where there is no unity, there
can be no "family." Sure you can all live under one
roof, but a common dwelling place does not a family
make. In an unequally yoked marriage, there will only
be confusion and chaos in the home. Without the
common bond of love for Jesus, there can be no unity.
If the parents do not agree on how to raise their
children, the children will raise themselves. If the
parents have different standards for their children in
the areas of discipline, responsibility, and acceptable
behavior and attitudes, then the children will play one
parent against the other to get their own way-and the
parents will end up arguing over the results. Of course,
the children are the real losers in these battles,
although they may not realize it at the time. A home
like this will be in constant turmoil, and will be a very
unhappy place for all who live there, parents and
children alike.
If there is no agreement in the home about who
God is, and what our response to Him should be, then
it is very difficult for children to learn how to know
and love Him. If our children are getting a different
message from each parent, they will constantly be
confused and forced to "take sides."
The greatest factor in our children learning about
God is through the example we set for them. Children
usually transfer their feelings and impressions of their
earthly father over to their idea of who God is. If their
father is a righteous man and exercises godly
judgement balanced with love and encouragement,
then their image and understanding of God will most
likely be good. (Eph. 6:4; Col 3:21) If he is unfair in
his judgements or antagonistic or indifferent to God,
then they will have a hard time (even as an adult)
seeing God's true nature and character.
What an unfair burden to put on a tiny child. It
will not only Fost him his memories of a happy and
peaceful childhood-but in the end, it may cost him his
very soul. Let's not even think of putting ourselves,
not to mention our innocent children, through such
pain and unhappiness as to bring them up in a
household of strife and confusion.
If you are thinking of marrying an unbeliever, do
you have the unrealistic expectation of raising your
children for God when you can't even submit
something as important as your marriage to Him?
I would say that the prospect is highly unlikely, at
best.
CONCLUSION
I hose Christians who enter into marriage with an
unbeliever will never experience the fullness and richness
of marriage as God intended it to be. They will never enjoy
true intimacy or the blessing of a family united by the
common bond of Jesus' love. In fact, instead of
experiencing that common bond (or "bonding") of love,
they will experience the "common bondage" of frustration
and. discontent that may lead to separation or divorce. For
True Love is only possible when you know God, and when
you can have His unselfish, uncompromising love for
others, putting them above yourself. All else pales in
comparison to the real thing. Don't be foolish. Don't settle
for anything less than God's very best for you. If you are
called to marriage, God has a perfect partner for you. But
beware, the enemy is a matchmaker too.
Trust the Lord, walk in obedience, and He will meet
your needs in His way and in His timing. Lean to your own
understanding and insist on your own way and watch
out-you just may get what you are looking for! You may
also live to regret it. Trust God. He will never lead you
astray.
In closing, I want to say that if you are now in a
relationship with an unbeliever, or if you have been in the
past (while professing to be a Christian), I think you'd
better examine your heart before the Lord. If you can find
peace and contentment in a relationship with someone who
doesn't love God, then you must ask yourself how much
you really love Him. After all, if you find you have more in
common with those who walk in darkness ... it may be
because you are both walking down the same path! (I John
1:6-7;
John 3:21)
Don't deceive yourself. A sincere lover of God would
never knowingly be joined to a lover of the world. Don't
even think about submitting your life in marriage to a
godless partner-that is, unless it won't bother you to live a
godless life. Please pray about all that we have talked
about and be quick to respond to the things God has
spoken to your heart. I love you very much, and I pray that
you will reach the highest potential possible in Christ Jesus
as you obey Him in all things. May God bless you as you
seek Him.
Copied from Last Days Ministries
B.A.M.A. MINISTRIES
133 Isarog Street, LaLoma
Quezon City, M.M. 1114
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
WHAT ABOUT SECRET
MARRIAGES?
What is the best thing to do?
I. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE
"SECRET (CIVIL) MARRIAGE"?
Civil Marriages? 1. The date is not publicly known, so it does
not "avoid the appearance of evil"
(1 Thess. 5:22).
This is especially true if the bride becomes
pregnant before the "secret is out".

Christian Weddings? 2. The pastor and parents do not know.

(Heb. 13:7, 17)
3. The relationship with the parents is stressed
or broken and the salvation of lost parents is
hindered.

Private Ceremonies? 4. A civil ceremony satisfies ONLY the laws of

the state.
a) The ceremony is not Christian.
(1 Cor. 10:31, 32)
b) The officer is not Christian.
c) Family and pastor are not present.
d) Vows are not made to God, but
promises to the state.

Which is right 5. The state does not "join you together", God
does.(Matt. 19:5,6)
6. There is no Christian marital counseling.

for you?
7. Marriage for the Christian is to be a picture
of Christ and the Church. (2 Cor. 11:2,3;
Eph. 5:21-33)
Bringing the lost world into it, destroys the
picture.
II. REASONS WHY COUPLES HAVE A
"SECRET MARRIAGE".
A. Sex has already taken place.
-- Solution:
1. Repent and ask forgiveness of God. (If
marriage has not taken place - abstain)
2. Ask the pastor for counseling (as regards to
the sin).
3. Ask forgiveness of parents.
4. Ask forgiveness of the church.
5. Pray about whether this person is really
God's will (unless already married).
 SOME GOOD THINGS TO READ
6. Ask pastor for marital counseling.
7. Ask pastor for a private wedding in the
church.
B. Parents do not approve.
---Solution:
1. Pray earnestly about God's will and
parental approval.
2. Discuss with parents (saved or lost) the
whole issue. Do NOT argue or fight, but
show respect at all times.
3. Listen seriously to their objections.
Even lost parents have experience and
wisdom, and God can speak to you through
them.
4. Let parents know their blessing is important
to you and that you are willing to wait while
they get to know your intended better and all
parties pray for God's guidance.
5. Ask your parents to pray about the matter,
and tell them you are also praying.
6. Strive to develop a better, more mature
relationship with both parents while you
wait and pray.
7. Delay the wedding date, and pray, pray,
PRAY.
(EXAMPLE) When a girl became a Christian her
parents were so mad they boxed her eyes and locked
her in her room for days. When Pastors Brown and
Estipona tried to visit the parents they were driven
away from the door with an umbrella. Months later
when the girl became engaged to a young pastor her
parents were very angry and said they would not
attend the wedding. The couple waited another year,
praying and talking with her parents. When they were
married in the church a year later than they had first
planned, her parents attended the wedding and gave
their blessing. The father walked his daughter down
the aisle and gave her away. Her parents are still lost,
but their relationship is much better. The couple felt it
was worth the wait to have her parents present at their
wedding.
C. Lack of finances.
-- Solution: A Private Wedding Ceremony
1. Vows are made before God, and family in
the church with the pastor officiating.
2. The ceremony is Christian. The date is NOT
announced publicly beforehand.
3. The ceremony is private to the IMMEDIATE
family and VERY best friends (10-15
people).
4. All are dressed in their "Sunday Best" and
no spectators are allowed.
5. Flowers, music, wedding clothes or
reception are not required. (a honeymoon is
optional)
6. The wedding is announced in the church at
the NEXT public service.
(EXAMPLE) "Joe Nye and Mary Hart were married
last night in the church in a private ceremony. The
church extends its best wishes and prayers for a long
and blessed life together. I'm sure you will want to
congratulate them personally."
7. The couple should send out announcements
to their extended family and friends
afterwards.
Hand-written notes are O.K. if it is neat.
Printed announcements are O.K. also.
8. There is no shame or secrecy in a private
wedding ceremony in the church.
It is open and above-board and lets the world
know that the couple have nothing to hide or
be ashamed of. They simply do not have the
finances for a public church wedding and do
not feel it is God's will that they wait until
they do.
9. Variations of the above are, of course,
possible.
(EXAMPLE) The bride may carry flowers, or a friend
could sing one song during the ceremony. The small
group could eat together afterwards at a restaurant or
home.
10. If the party and pastor decide to have the
ceremony after the Wednesday service, the
bride and groom could walk down the aisle
together to music.
The witnesses would stand with them in
front during the ceremony. (The "unity"
candle and extensive music would not be
appropriate in the absence of the other usual
"trappings"). A small merienda for the larger
group afterwards is possible, but not
necessary.
11. Make sure someone has at least a snapshot
camera. Every bride needs a few pictures to
remember the event.
the Christian Woman
This material is
COMPILED copyrighted and
BY used by
permission.
CAROL L. BROWN

B.A.M.A. Bible Institutes, Inc.

(Baptist Asian Missions Association, Inc.)
133 Isarog Street, LaLoma, Quezon City 1114 R.P.