Souls Unfractured

A Hades Hangmen Novel

Tillie Cole
 Copyright© Tillie Cole 2015 All rights reserved

Cover Design by Damonza at www.damonza.com

Formatted by Stephen J Jones

No Part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, including photography, recording, or any information storage and retrieval
system without the prior written consent from the publisher and author, except in the instance of
quotes for reviews. No part of this book may be uploaded without the permission of the publisher and
author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is
originally published.

This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, actual events or
locales is purely coincidental. The characters and names are products of the author’s imagination and
used fictitiously.

The publisher and author acknowledge the trademark status and trademark ownership of all
trademarks, service marks and word marks mentioned in this book.
 Dedication

For Thessa, the original Flame Whore. You begged me for this story.
Your wish is my command.
 CONTENTS PAGE
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue
 Author’s Note

Souls Unfractured begins immediately after Heart Recaptured ends. To fully enjoy this novel,
Book 1, It Ain’t Me, Babe, and Book 2, Heart Recaptured, should be read first.

As is the theme with the Hades Hangmen Series, Souls Unfractured features religious beliefs and
practices that, although may seem extreme and shocking to many, are inspired by real ideologies from
existing, or pre-existing Christian cults and sects. This novel also includes the growing, and very
controversial practice of serpent handling and poison consumption in religious services. Again, this
was inspired by the ideology of existing Christian sects. Some scenes have been exaggerated for the
purpose of the story, especially in how the male protagonist, Flame, uniquely views the world, and in
particular, these controversial practices.
I would also like to note that many people around the world exist in these particular sects and never
abuse the doctrines or sermons preached. Many follow these sects peacefully, safely and devotedly
just like any other faith. This novel explores the abuse of these practices only.
Please also be aware that Souls Unfractured contains scenes of severe sexual abuse, taboo topics,
violence and sexual assault.
 Glossary
(Not in alphabetical order)

The Order Terminology

The Order: Apocalyptic New Religious Movement. Beliefs based on selected Christian teachings,
strongly believe the apocalypse is imminent. Previously led by Prophet David (declared himself to
be a Prophet of God and a descendant of King David), the elders and the disciples. Succeeded by
Prophet Cain (nephew of Prophet David).
The members live together in a secluded commune; based on traditional and modest living,
polygamy and unorthodox religious practices. Believe the ‘outside world’ is sinful and evil. Have
no contact with non-members.

Commune: Property owned by The Order and controlled by Prophet Cain. Segregated living
community. Policed by disciples and elders and stocked with weapons in case of an outside world
attack. Men and women kept in separate areas of the commune. The Cursed kept away from all
men (except the elders) in their own private quarters. Land protected by a large perimeter fence.

New Zion: New Commune of The Order. Created after the previous commune was destroyed in the
battle against The Hades Hangmen.

The Order’s Elders: Comprises four men: Gabriel (deceased), Moses (Deceased), Noah
(deceased), Jacob (deceased), Charged with the day to day running of the commune. Second in
Command to Prophet David (deceased). Responsible for schooling the Cursed.

New Zion Council Elders: Comprises three men: Brother Luke, Brother Isaiah (deceased),
Brother Micah (deceased).

Prophet’s Hand: Position held by Judah, Cain’s twin brother.

Second in command to Prophet Cain. Shares in the running of New Zion and any religious,
political or military decisions concerning The Order.
Prophet’s Advisor: Third in command to Prophet Cain. Position held by Brother Luke (former
New Zion Council Member). Advises in religious, political and military matters. Works with
Prophet’s Hand.

Disciple Guards: Male members of The Order. Tasked with the protection of the commune lands
and the members of The Order.

Lords Sharing: Ritual sexual act performed between male and female members of The Order.
Believed to help the male get steadily closer to the Lord. Performed in mass ceremonies. Narcotics
often used for a transcendental experience. Females are forbidden from experiencing pleasure as
punishment for carrying the original sin of Eve and must perform the act when required as part of
their sisterly duties.

Awakened: Rite of Passage in The Order. On a girl’s eighth birthday, she is to be sexually
‘awakened’ by a commune member or, on special occasions, an Elder.

Sacred Circle: Religious practice exploring the notion of ‘free love’. Sexual intercourse and
behavior with many partners in a public setting.

Sacred Sister: A chosen woman of The Order, tasked with leaving the commune to spread The
Order’s message by sexual means.

The Cursed: Women/Girls in The Order deemed too naturally beautiful and inherently sinful. Live
separately from the rest of commune. Seen as too tempting to men. The Cursed are believed to be
significantly more likely to sway men from the righteous path.

Original Sin: Augustine Christian doctrine that says mankind is born sinful and have an innate
urge to disobey God. Original Sin is the result of Adam and Eve’s disobedience to God when they
ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. In The Order’s doctrines (created by Prophet
David), Eve is blamed for tempting Adam to sin, thus sisters of The Order are seen as born
seductresses and temptresses and must therefore obey men.

Sheol: Old Testament word meaning ‘the pit’ or ‘the grave’ or ‘the Underworld’. Place of the
dead.

Glossolalia: Incomprehensible speech displayed by religious believers during an episode of

religious ecstasy. Embracing the Holy Spirit.
Diaspora: The dispersion of people from their original homeland.

Hill of Perdition: Hill on the outskirts of the commune. Used for seclusions of New Zion’s
inhabitants and for punishments.

Devil’s Men: Reference to the Hades Hangmen MC.

Hades Hangmen Terminology

Hades Hangmen: One-percenter Outlaw MC. Founded in Austin, Texas, 1969.

Hades: Lord of the Underworld in Greek mythology.

Mother Chapter: First branch of the club. Founding location.

One-percenter: The American Motorbike Association (AMA) were once rumored to have said that
99% of bikers were law-abiding citizens. Bikers who do not abide by AMA rules name themselves
‘one-percenters’ (the remaining non law-abiding 1%). The vast majority of ‘one-percenters’
belong to Outlaw MC’s.

Cut: Leather vest worn by outlaw bikers. Adorned with patches and artwork displaying the club’s
unique colors.

Patched in: When a new member is approved for full membership.

Church: Club meetings for full patch members. Led by President of the club.

Old Lady: Woman with wife status. Protected by her partner. Status held to be sacrosanct by club
members.

Club Slut: A woman who comes to the clubhouse to engage in casual sexual acts with the club
members.

Bitch: Woman in Biker culture. Term of endearment.

Gone/Going to Hades: Slang. Referring to the dying/dead.

Meeting/Gone/Going to the Boatman: Slang. Dying/dead. Referring to ‘Charon’ in Greek

mythology. Charon was the ferryman of the dead, an underworld daimon (Spirit). Transported
departed souls to Hades. The fee for the crossing over the rivers Styx and Acheron to Hades were
coins placed on either the dead’s eyes or mouth at burial. Those who did not pay the fee were left
to wander the shores of Styx for one hundred years.

Snow: Cocaine.

Ice: Crystal Meth

The Organizational Structure of Hades Hangmen

President (Prez): Leader of the club. Holder of the Gavel, which is symbolic of the absolute
power that the President wields. The Gavel is used to keep order in Church. The word of the
President is law within the club. He takes advice from senior club members. No one challenges the
decisions of the President.

Vice President (VP): Second-in-Command. Executes the orders of the President. Principal
communicator with other chapters of the club. Assumes all responsibilities and duties of the
President in their absence.

Road Captain: Responsible for all club runs. Researches, plans and organizes club runs and ride
outs. Ranking club officer, answering only to President or VP.

Sergeant-at-Arms: Responsible for club security, policing and keeping order at club events.
Reports unseemly behavior to President and VP. Responsible for the safety and protection of the
club, its members and its Prospects.
Treasurer: Keeps records of all income and expenses. Keeps records of all club patches and
colors issued and taken away.

Secretary: Responsible for making and keeping all club records. Must notify members of
emergency meetings.

Prospect: Probationary member of the MC. Goes on runs, but banned from attending Church.
 “For fractured souls are like magnets.
Drawn to collide into an impossible bliss…”
 Prologue

“Did you kill anyone else out here?”

I watched the little black-haired bitch—Mae’s sister—ask Prez if we’d slaughtered anyone else in
this motherfucking cult hell.
Prez nodded his head.
“Where is he?” she demanded.
Prez didn’t respond, and my head twitched and my skin pricked as her green eyes narrowed.
“Please! I need to see him!” she shouted. Her pale face had gone bright red and her hands had begun
to shake at her sides.
Prez pointed into the woods, and in no fucking time, she hightailed it into the trees. My jaw clenched
and my hands fisted as I watched her go.
Viking leaned in, stopping just short of touching me. He knew not to fucking touch me. “You carved
that fucker up Krueger style, didn’t you, brother?”
I stayed staring at the woods, catching the bitch’s dress disappear in the distance.
“Flame?” Viking pushed.
My teeth gritted, remembering piercing that fuck with my blades and I snarled. “I fucking hacked him
up good. That bible pedo fucker deserved to die like that.”
“So that’ll be a yes. A huge fucking yes to the extreme makeover, Krueger edition.”
But I didn’t respond to Viking. Didn’t respond because the black-haired bitch was walking back out.
And I watched her all the way. I counted her every step as she moved closer. One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…
I watched her chest rise and fall. She was breathing hard. She was fucking breathing so hard. Surely
she wasn’t pissed that the disciple pedo was dead?
“Sister?” Mae ran over to her, but the little bitch’s green eyes were on Prez.
“Who killed him?” she asked, pushing past Mae. Her face moved from one brother to the next,
looking each in the eyes.
And I stared. I stared and I twitched, and felt my blood begin to boil.
The fucker had deserved to die. I’d fucking got hard watching that fucker die. I’d watched the life
leave his eyes. I’d watched his blood spill. And I’d motherfucking loved it.
Then the little bitch reached me. Her tiny frame stood below me and those huge green eyes looked
right up into mine. “Was it you?” she asked.
My blood rushed faster through my body, and I nodded my head. “Yeah, I killed the fucker,” I spat.
I tensed, my muscles jumping, waiting for her to defend that cunt. To tell me I was evil, wrong and a
killer—shit I already knew.
But before I could fucking think, a cry left her throat and she jumped forward and wrapped her arms
around my waist. My heart fired in my chest like a fucking cannon and my hands fisted and rose into
the air as her hands touched my skin.
I couldn’t be touched. I couldn’t be fucking touched. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, I started
to count, waiting for the flames to hurt her. Waiting for the pain… eight, nine, ten, eleven… My eyes
snapped down as I reached eleven, expecting to see her pain.
Eleven.
But she wasn’t hurt.
Eleven.
I’d gone past eleven.
The little bitch’s arms tightened around my waist and I looked down in shock. I saw her thick black
hair. I saw her back rise and fall with her breaths.
“Thank you,” she whispered and pressed her cheek against my chest. “Thank you so very much.”
My lungs froze as she thanked me. But I didn’t understand. Like always. I didn’t fucking understand
anything.
Why wasn’t she hurt from my touch?
Why was she fucking thanking me?
Then her arms tightened again, and I wanted to touch her back. I wanted to motherfucking touch her.
Heart still pumping from the rush of the kill, pulse slamming in my neck, I squeezed my eyes shut.
Forcing my arms down, I took a deep breath, and pressed my hands to her back. As my hands touched
the material of her dress, I sucked in a breath, feeling her body jump under my palms.
I almost pulled back, the feel of her in my arms fucking with my mind. But that was shot to hell when
I felt wetness on my chest, on my skin, and the bitch, cried, “You freed me. You freed me from him.”
At those words my eyes snapped shut. My heart sprinted in my chest, but the flames in my blood, the
heat in my blood, was calmed.
The flames never calmed.
They forever fucking burned.
But with her…
I wanted to grip her tighter.
I wanted to hold her closer, but then she dropped her arms and pulled away.
My hands clenched at my sides as I watched her go, then just before she reached her sisters, she
looked back at me and asked, “What is your name?” Her voice was shaking, like she was scared. But
her eyes never left mine. They fucking burned into mine, making my heart pound.
Then I thought of that question. My name…
“Flame,” I said, pushing my other name far from my fucking mind, the name I couldn’t stand.
 I froze as she dipped her eyes and smiled. My fingernails dug into my palm, so I could fucking try
and stay calm at that smile. “You have my eternal gratitude, Flame. I am forever in your debt.”
The air blew out from my mouth as she turned and walked away, but I couldn’t stop staring at her.
My eyes dropped to my hands and I stared at my palm. I’d touched her. I’d fucking touched her and I
hadn’t hurt her.
Then my stomach fell. Because the flames were still under my skin. I could feel them. And if I
touched her again, I could hurt her.
“Fuck man, you alright?” AK stood in front of me blocking my path to the little black-haired bitch.
I held up my hands, palms up high. “I fucking touched her,” I whispered. “I fucking touched her.”
AK nodded. “I know, brother. You doing okay? You’re not gonna go psycho on her ass, right? No
thoughts to slit her throat going through that head?”
Moving to the side, I looked over AK’s shoulder and asked, “What was her name? What the fuck
did Mae say her name was?”
AK glanced back too and said, “Maddie, I think?” He took a deep breath. “Yeah, Maddie.”
Maddie, I thought, then whispered her name aloud on my lips. “Maddie…”
Within hours we returned to the compound and the brothers from out of state, along with most from
our club, drank and fucked the night away. But I could only see Maddie. I could only see her in Styx’s
apartment window where she’d taken up position. I didn’t drink, or smoke, instead I watched her
sitting on the window ledge, watching me back.
I paced below her window until AK and Viking dragged me home to my cabin. But I couldn’t get her
the fuck out of my mind. Kept seeing green eyes and long black hair in my head. Kept feeling her
hands around my waist.
Grabbing my blades, I burst out of the door and ran all the fucking way to the compound. As I
broke through the line of trees, I ran until I reached the window of Styx’s apartment… then stopped
dead.
The window.
Sat at the fucking window was Maddie.
My heart kicked into a sprint as I stared at her.
Then she looked down and stared back at me.
I watched her mouth drop open.
I watched her green eyes widen.
I watched her hand press to the glass.
I watched her lips, as they mouthed, “Flame…”
Clutching my blades at my side, I stormed forward. I began pacing below her window. Because no
one would fucking get near her again. No one would ever hurt her again. If they did, they would die.
Die under my motherfucking blades.
Because she was mine.
The little black-haired bitch called Maddie was mine.
 Chapter One

Flame
Present day…

No. No. NO!

I raced down the graveled road to my cabin, unable to stop the fucking messed up thoughts filling in
my head. They have her. They’ll hurt her.
I pushed my legs harder. They screamed in pain, still weak from all the motherfucking weeks spent
strapped to a hospital bed, but I needed to get to Maddie. She needed me to stop them. She needed me
to stop them from hurting her too.
I’d taken a bullet for her. When Lilah freaked after she’d been rescued from the commune, and
accidently fired the gun in her hands—the gun aiming right at Maddie—I’d had to save her. I’d had to
fucking save her life.
But it was all for nothing, now they had her in that church.
Reaching my cabin, I opened the door and I burst into the living room. Finding my bike’s keys on the
countertop, I grabbed them in my hand and ran to my bike outside. Throwing myself onto the saddle, I
turned the key and the engine roared to life. My heart boomed like fucking thunder as the bike vibrated
beneath me.
Heeling up the kickstand, I saw Viking and AK running down the hill after me. They were screaming
at me to stop, but I couldn’t. I needed to get to Maddie. I couldn’t fucking leave her there, with those
people.
Not her.
Not Maddie.
Not my Maddie!
Back wheel skidding on the graveled drive, I launched like a fucking bat out of hell onto the dirt
road. I caught the sound of a bike following me in the distance, but I didn’t stop, Ky’s bitch’s words
fucking piercing my brain.
“Maddie is at Our Savior Church… She has been going there for a while now. We all have.”
I rode harder, not knowing if I was too late. But knowing if I didn’t get there, it could be too late.
They’d make her scream. And I couldn’t hear her scream. I couldn’t bear the screaming. It boiled my
blood. It ignited the flames under my flesh. It fucking haunted my brain.
My hands shook on the bars of my Harley as I fought not to explode with fucking rage. I pictured
Maddie’s green eyes. I pictured her pale skin. Her long black hair. Then all I saw in my head was her
covered in blood; held down and hurt. And I could picture her screaming. Could see those green eyes
wide, could see those eyes crying as they tied her down. All the people in the church tying her down
and causing her pain.
And I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save her. Another one… another one would be taken from me.
Because I wasn’t there to protect her.
Clenching my hands on the Harley’s bars, I let a scream tear from my injured throat. And I kept
pushing my bike harder until I pulled into the opening roads of downtown. I ran every red light. Cut
roads and crossings.
Then two more right turns and the motherfucker came into view.
White.
Grand.
A fucking house of evil disguised as good.
Our Savior’s Church.
And it held my Maddie.
Skidding to a stop out front, I jumped off my bike. As my boots hit asphalt, I fought the pounding in
my head at being near this fucking hell. The drugs were still in my blood from the hospital, but I had
no choice but to push through.
I looked down at my open palms and my hands shook, my leg muscles seized. And like a fucking
pussy, I looked up at the steep white steps and I couldn’t fucking move.
And then, in my mind’s eye, I saw him standing in front of me, ordering me to get closer to the
church door. I saw the cold look in his eyes as he stared down at me, his lip curled in disgust.
Sinner. You’re a sinner boy, he hissed, the memory too real, and my heart sank to the ground. You
need to purge the flames from your blood. You need to purge the evil from your dark soul.
I gasped for breath, and had to use my bike’s saddle for balance when I thought my legs would give
out at the memory. I didn’t want to give in to the memory. I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want
to see his fucking face in my mind. But what I wanted didn’t mean shit. Because he was always there.
He always came for me. He never left me the fuck alone.
The roar of another Harley’s engine sounded behind me and I dropped my raised hands. I knew it
was AK and Viking without even looking back. And they’d try to stop me. I knew they would,
because they didn’t understand what would happen behind those wooden doors where no one else
could see.
Pushing myself to stand, I stared up at the church again. Forcing my legs to move, I walked forward
to the bottom of the steep steps. But I couldn’t go any further. I tried to force my feet to move, to make
that first fucking step, but they didn’t. They wouldn’t. My pussy ass was too fucking afraid of facing
what was behind those doors.
Lowering my head, I hit at my skull with the bottom of my palm. “Move!” I ordered myself.
“Fucking move, you pussy!”
Unable to climb the steps, I began to pace the sidewalk. I walked back and forth, back and forth, my
head becoming too full. Fucked up images in my mind. Warnings in my brain.
“They’ll hurt Maddie. They’re hurting Maddie,” I told myself. And the flames burned hotter in my
veins.
I fought for air as I paced faster and pictured Maddie’s face again.
One way or another, I was getting her the fuck out.
 Chapter Two

Maddie

For hours, I had been sitting tucked into the shadows, hidden behind the large white marble statue of
Jesus.
I could not take being at the compound any longer, even though it was Lilah and Ky’s wedding day. I
could not stand one more second of being trapped in that bedroom, staring out of the window, praying
desperately for Flame to step out from the line of trees.
But he never did.
Closing my eyes, I pictured him diving in front of that bullet to save my life. Then all I could see
was blood.
Allowing my eyes to reopen, my head fell against the legs of the statue and my hand gripped over the
empty ache in my chest. Instantly, my mind filled with him—dark eyes, dark short beard, slightly
crooked nose and his huge tattooed body standing protectively under my window, blades in his hands.
I lost focus, staring at the hardwood floor of the church, but I lifted my head when my favorite sound
began to play. The strings of a guitar echoed off the high walls. Then the soft keys of the piano joined
the magical sound of the hymn that always made me smile. My hands began to slowly relax, and my
body began to gently rock in time to the beat.
From where I sat, I could not see the choir, but I could hear them. It was why I came to Church. It
was not for the religion, but for this madrigal music.
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”
My lips moved, silently mouthing the lyrics. But I would not sing. I could not say the words aloud. I
would never dare sing. I had always been taught that singing was forbidden, a sin. But I could listen. I
could listen and feel safe… feel a flicker of happiness, if only for a few short minutes while the sweet
sound continued.
The hymn played on, and I smiled, until the last pretty lyric faded away...
“Every day, every day, I’m gonna let my little light shine…”
Exhaling a slow deep sigh, I leaned further into the legs of the statue, content to listen to the
rehearsal of the gospel choir. But in the brief silence between hymns, a sound outside of the church
could be discerned.
“Maddie!”
 My body straightened at the harsh and guttural roar screaming my name. My heart began thundering
in my ears.
“Maddie!” The shouter called out again. My hands began to shake. The choir’s questioning murmurs
could be heard from upstairs on their balcony. Pastor James’ office door swung open. She came
rushing out, tension on her face. Pastor James, the woman who had invited me and my sisters into her
church without question. The woman who had married Lilah and Ky just hours before. And the
woman who had returned to the church shortly after me, so that I would not be here alone.
I became as still as the statue beside me, my body frozen in terror. Pastor James headed my way,
concern written all over her face.
She opened her mouth to speak, when the deafening sound of an engine boomed beyond the doors,
followed by another scream.
“MADDIE!” This call was louder, more frantic.
A hand touched my shoulder. Crying out at this unexpected touch, I scampered backward until my
body became wedged between the wall of the altar and the statue of Jesus. My knees automatically
came up to my chest and my arms immediately wrapped around my legs. Pastor James’ hands flew
into the air as her eyes fell upon me. “Maddie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
I tried to breathe, tried to shake off the feeling of Pastor James’ scalding touch on my body. But just
as I managed to fill my lungs with air, the desperate call sounded again.
“MADDIE!”
Pastor James jumped to her feet and looked to the open front doors. Throwing me a glance, she
nervously commanded, “Stay here, Maddie.”
A male member of the choir came running down the stairs from the balcony and he met Pastor James
halfway down the aisle.
He looked my way after Pastor James said something to him and, together, they cautiously made
their way to the entrance. I watched them intently, my eyes barely blinking, wondering what they
would find.
“MADDIE!” the voice called again, its malevolent cutting rasp making me flinch. But then I heard
something else that abated my fear.
“For fuck sake! The Bible Bashers are gonna call the pigs! You getting that asshole? Styx will skin
your psycho ass! You just got fucking home!”
My hands stopped shaking at hearing the familiar voice and name. As the repeat call of “MADDIE!”
filtered into the church, I jumped to my feet and sprang from the shadows. Gathering my floor-length
dress in my hands, I hurried into the body of the church, rushing forward until the bright sun from the
open entrance lit up the dark wooden floor.
“I won’t say it again. I need you to leave or I’ll call the police.” Pastor James was talking when I
arrived at the large doors. The man from the choir immediately saw me and tapped her on her arm.
Pastor James turned round and paled. “Maddie, darlin’, stay in the church and call your sister, or
even better, Mr. Nash.”
Her face betrayed her fear, but her protests quickly turned to white noise in my ears as I reached the
exit and saw, waiting below, at the edge of the busy road was him… Flame. He was pacing back and
forth. As always, I counted his steps. Eleven to the right, eleven to the left.
As I drank in how he looked, I feared my legs would collapse. That confusing sensation of my
stomach swooping hit me, as my eyes focused on his leather-clad legs and the Hangmen cut partly
covering his bare torso.
His strangely cut dark hair was in its usual state of disarray. His skin was pale and he had lost
weight. I frowned. His muscles were twitching more than usual. His hands clenched into fists more
than normal. His lips were muttering something inaudible from this distance, yet… he was still
Flame. He was still the man who protected me. He was still the silent shadow that kept me safe.
The man I had missed with the most incredible fervor.
His friends, Viking and AK, stood off to the side. Viking, the enormous red haired brother, looked
distressed as he talked to the dark-haired AK, and when he ran his hand through his hair, he turned,
and his attention locked on me.
Viking’s large chest deflated in what looked like relief and he said something to AK. AK looked
toward me and threw a small tired wave.
But I did not have the time to spare for them. All I could concentrate on right now was Flame.
I winced as I caught sight of white gauze on the side of his neck. The gunshot graze. The bullet that
should have hit me if he had not thrown himself in its path...
... to protect me.
Flame’s pace increased. I could see his hands shaking as his fists became impossibly tight. Then,
with a corded neck, he began to scream. His croaked and rough voice made it to “MADD—” before
his eyes whipped to the top of the stairs…
… where they collided with mine.
Flame’s bellowed call caught in his throat and his body came to an abrupt stop. He staggered on
uneasy feet as though he was too tired to be standing. But that midnight stare remained. His hands
stopped shaking, his wide bare chest pumped at a heady speed, yet a strange kind of calm seemed to
flow over him.
I wanted to speak to him.
I wanted to take his hand in mine and thank him. Thank him beyond words for saving my life.
But I could not. I did not have the courage. So instead, I lifted my trembling hand to my neck. I
placed it in the same spot as his injury. Making sure I had his undivided attention, I bowed my head in
thanks.
Flame stilled at my gesture, then, with his nostrils flaring, and his chest heaving, he stepped
forward. My heart raced when I thought he was about to climb the stairs and meet me. But after only
one step, it was as though something stopped him dead in his tracks.
My heart fell.
I could tell he wanted to come to me.
I could tell that he wanted to speak to me. But like me, it was not that simple.
 Feeling someone come up behind me, my stomach rolled when Flame’s calm demeanor suddenly
snapped as he looked over my shoulder. The tortured man I witnessed controlling his rage each night
broke back through on a graveled growl.
“Maddie?” Pastor James called. The sound of the Pastor’s voice and her presence at my side
seemed to send Flame over the edge. His eyes clouded with rage. His feet carried him forward. With
a threatening menace, his harsh demeanor held the promise of pain.
Barely breathing, I followed my instincts and ran down the church steps. Flame coming back from
wherever he had been in his tortured mind with every step I took towards him.
AK spoke. “Maddie, we need you to come back with us.”
Flame was breathing as heavy as if he had been running for endless hours, a sheen of sweat
gleaming on his pale, drawn in face.
Without looking at AK, I nodded my head. AK moved in near Flame and said quietly, “She’s coming
back with us, okay? She can ride in the truck with me.”
Flame stiffened and shook his head, as if what AK had said did not please him. AK inched closer
and said, “Look at me, brother.”
Flame did not remove his gaze from me. AK tried again. “Flame, look at me.” This time Flame did.
But it was not a friendly expression.
AK held his hand over his chest. “Do you trust me? After everything we’ve been through, do you
trust me to bring Maddie home safely?”
Viking moved to AK’s side. I watched as Flame darted his glance between the two. With a visible
sag of his shoulders and a long sigh, Flame croaked huskily, “Yeah.”
AK relaxed. Looking to me he held his hand out in the direction of the truck. I walked forward, but
refused the seat in the front of the vehicle, instead choosing to sit in the back.
Sliding into the seat, I met Flame’s apprehensive stare as he watched me get into the truck and
nodded my head, offering an appeasing smile.
Flame’s lips parted and, as AK slipped into the driver’s seat, Flame ran toward his motorcycle.
The engine started and, before long, we had pulled out onto the busy road. AK did not say anything
to me, but I saw him watching me in the mirror hanging from the truck’s ceiling.
Wanting to escape his attention, I stared out of the window. When the city gave way to country
roads, the roar of a motorcycle sounded beside me. In seconds, Flame sped up until his bike was in
parallel to our truck… until his place on his seat was parallel to mine. We remained this way until
home.
As we pulled to a stop, Mae came running from the porch. She was still dressed in her bridesmaid
dress, looking as breathtakingly beautiful as always. And as usual, Styx was close behind.
Reaching my door, Mae pulled it open. Instantly, I saw concern on her face. “Maddie,” she
whispered, clearly in relief. “Are you okay?”
I nodded my head. Taking Mae’s outstretched hand, I let her pull me from the truck and onto the
grass. Mae wrapped her arm around my shoulders and began to lead me toward the cabin. But as we
passed Styx, I saw him glaring at Flame, his hands moving in rapid movements. I did not speak the
hand language that Styx, Mae and most of the men did, but I could tell that he was angry at Flame.
“Styx. Prez—” I heard Viking try to speak to Styx, but clearly Styx had cut him off.
Mae kept pushing me forward, but the memory of Flame’s face when he had seen me exit the church,
his body weak with injury, and his face pale, caused me to stop dead.
Whatever the reason was, he had put his recovery aside to save me from something he viewed as a
threat. I exhaled.
He should not be getting punished.
“Maddie? What is wrong?” Mae said from beside me. Stepping out of Mae’s protective arm, I
turned. As soon as I did, a tired looking Flame stood near me. Styx was still talking with his hands,
but Flame watched me as I took a hesitant step forward. His dark eyes widened as I continued to
slowly, and apprehensively, approach. His hands at his sides clenched, and his jaw became rigid
with tension.
I heard the quiet sound of Mae rushing to Styx, whispering something I could not hear, but I had one
intention, and one intention only.
The smell of oil and leather hit me first, then something I could not make out, something distinctly
Flame. Now only a hairsbreadth away from Flame, my eyes to the ground, a silence had descended on
the group.
Clasping my hands together to maintain my composure, I lifted my head. This close, I realized I had
missed him with a devastating intensity. I realized, that not once had I felt this safe since he had been
gone.
Flame swallowed hard and watched me. My heart fluttered when I admitted to myself that I liked the
way he watched me. I liked that, when I was near, the pained expression he always wore fell away.
Steeling my fraying nerves, I whispered, “Thank you.” I inhaled a quick breath to steady my shaking
voice, dropped my eyes from his penetrating stare, and added, “Thank you. Thank you for saving my
life.”
The heavy silence felt as though it was choking me. I could hear the breeze, the night birds in the
trees, and then I heard a quick exhale of breath. Raising my eyes again, I saw Flame’s lips part, as if a
heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
Gritting his teeth, his inked gums reading ‘PAIN’ came into full view. Flame edged forward until his
close presence stole my composure. I blinked in rapid succession trying to brace for what he may do.
Flame’s heavy muscles tensed. His hand began to rise. My body became rigid, thinking he was
going to touch me. My instinct was to pull away, to step back and refuse contact. But as I looked upon
his tired face, I could not help but keep still.
Flame’s hand trembled as he tried to reach for my face, but as it hovered only inches away it
stopped, hanging suspended in the air. Flame’s eyes glassed over. Then with a pent up exhale, he
withdrew his hand and stumbled back.
Whipping my head to my right, Mae was staring at me, her mouth parted in shock. Styx was glaring,
eyes narrowed. My skin instantly set on fire, my cheeks blazing with embarrassment.
 Stepping back, I headed toward the cabin, desperate to escape the attention. Mae rushed beside me.
Just as I was about to gain the sanctuary of the house, I heard, “Maddie…” whispered in a guttural,
sad voice.
I immediately halted. I glanced over my shoulder to see Flame standing a few steps before his
brothers. He looked at me with such sorrowful eyes that I feared my heart would crack right down the
center.
There was such longing in his expression, as though he was desperate for me to say something.
Anything.
Forcing a smile, I tucked my hair behind my ear, and whispered, “Good night, Flame. I… I am
happy you have returned.” In my head I added, “to me,” but that would never be said aloud.
 Chapter Three

Flame

I watched her go until the door of the Prez’s cabin clicked shut. I didn’t move. I just stared at the
wooden door, feeling a huge fucking pit in my stomach.
Lifting my hand, I looked down at my rigid fingers. They looked just like everyone else’s, but they
didn’t work the same. Because other people could touch someone else. They could’ve put their hand
on her face after she’d said thank you. They could’ve felt her skin. They could’ve maybe made her
feel better.
But then the frustration filled my heart, and I thought, Your touch is poison. You’ll hurt her.
Bending my fingers, I curled them into a fist and heat boiled my blood. I hated it: I hated that I
couldn’t touch her. I hated that when she looked up at me with those green eyes, I couldn’t fucking
speak.
I didn’t know how to speak to her. I just knew I couldn’t. Because I was wrong in the head. Because
I wasn’t like everyone else. Because people said I was a fucking freak. All my life they’d told me I
was born wrong.
“Flame?” Turning my head, AK and Viking were stood beside Prez. Styx nudged his head at me.
Vike then glanced to Styx and back at me. “Come here, brother.”
Glancing at the shut door one more time, I dropped my head and walked back to Prez. Styx watched
me the whole way, my lips moving as I counted my steps under my breath. “One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight…”
I reached Styx at eight. Nine, ten, eleven… On eleven I looked up. My head twitched under his hard
glare. Curling my fingers into my palm, my nails dug into flesh, enjoying the sharp bite.
Styx shook his head and signed, “Don’t know what the fuck that was all about with Madds, not
sure I want to.” He looked up to AK and Vike, but my eyes never left him. Turning back to me, he
signed, “I get you have some fucked up obsession with her, that’s your friggin’ deal. But if, or
when, you hurt her, you hurt Mae; and that shit ain’t gonna fly.”
My teeth ground so hard you could hear it out loud. Shaking my head, I hissed, “I’ll never hurt
Maddie. Never.”
Styx didn’t say shit for a while, then nodded his head, backing up toward his cabin. My eyes
followed him all the way, when he signed, “Glad to have you back, brother. Wasn’t the same with
you gone. Life was pretty fucking tame.”
I relaxed my hands. Styx entered his cabin, leaving me stood with Vike and AK.
AK ran his hand down his face. “Let’s head home.”
But I didn’t want to leave. I needed to stand outside of Maddie’s window. I needed to keep her safe.
AK got in my line of sight. “Tomorrow, brother. Start your guard shit up again tomorrow. You’re
dead on your feet right now. You need food and you need sleep. You’ve lost a lotta weight. You’ve
got huge fucking black Glad bags under your tapped strung out eyes. You’re not fucking thinking
straight.”
I shook my head, about to tell them to get the fuck gone, when Vike joined AK. “Flame, it’s
happening. Don’t fucking fight us on this, brother. We ain’t slept much since you’ve been gone, one of
us always watching you in that damn sick house in case you woke and went fucking apeshit at being
tied down. So just give us a fucking break, yeah? Just for one fucking night.”
I wanted to fight. I wanted to tell them to fuck off and leave me with Maddie. My head twitched
under his gaze, but I eventually nodded.
Vike’s shoulders relaxed, and he began walking toward the trees that led to our cabins. AK
followed behind. I fell into step. But just as I was about to break the cover of trees, something made
me look back.
Maddie.
Maddie sat at her window, watching me leave. My feet came to a stop. She was on her knees, her
hand pressed to the glass. My heart slammed against my rib cage. When she smiled at me my hands
relaxed at my sides, and for a minute, the pounding in my fucking head stopped. The twitching
stopped. And the feeling that something was crawling under my skin, stopped.
“Flame?” AK called from within the trees. But I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want this feeling to
leave me. I didn’t want to leave her. I just wanted to be near her.
I fucking just needed to be close.
Maddie, hearing AK shout from the bottom of the hill, sank down to sit on the window ledge. Her
green eyes dulled and the hand on the glass moved to give me a small wave.
I didn’t move.
She didn’t move.
AK came back through the trees.
My brother came to my side and my body tensed at his closeness. I heard him sigh. I saw Maddie tilt
her head as she observed us. “Flame. You need to come the fuck home. Leave the little one alone
tonight.”
 AK waited in silence. Then Maddie’s expression changed, and bowing her head, she withdrew from
the window.
“She’s going to sleep, Flame.”
When she didn’t come back to the window, I turned and followed AK down to our cabins. When I
got to our small clearing, Vike was outside his cabin firing up the grill.
“Take a seat, I got steaks grilling and beer chilling.”
I walked over to Vike and took my usual seat. AK sat opposite. Reaching into the cooler, Viking
handed a beer to AK and me. I cracked the top with my teeth and took a long pull. Nothing was said
as Viking flipped the steaks, AK picking at the label of his beer. Then putting the steaks on a plate,
Viking handed one to me.
I shook my head. Viking pushed it in front of my face. “Take it, brother. You’ve lost a hell of a lotta
weight.” I took the plate, but my eyes looked to the woods. I knew she was up there. I wondered if she
was asleep? I wondered what she looked like asleep? I wanted to watch her sleep.
A cough sounded from Viking. When I looked toward him, both he and AK had their attentions fixed
on me. I shifted on the seat and asked, “What?”
Viking stuffed a chunk of his bloody his steak into his mouth, but AK didn’t move. I glared back, my
legs beginning to twitch, the flames inside beginning to ignite at his scrutiny.
“What?” I snapped again.
Vike looked at AK and shrugged. Steeling his expression, AK flicked his chin, and asked, “Why the
little one, brother?”
My bouncing legs stopped dead. All my muscles tightened.
AK sat forward. “Why save the little one? Why guard her room? I’m trying to fucking understand it
all.” He glanced to Viking who was now downing his beer, and looking back to me, added, “You
want her? Is that it?”
I didn’t say anything and my jaw clamped shut. I dropped my eyes, my head twitching at this
conversation, then I found my head turning, looking toward the trees again.
“Is it because she touched you?”
As the question was asked, my head whipped to AK. My hands fisted as I remembered Maddie
wrapping her arms around my waist after I’d killed that cunt, Moses, at that commune months ago.
She’d walked straight up to me and touched me. But the flames never took hold.
I still didn’t know why. But something happened that day. She’d done something to me. Somehow
she got into my fucking mind. But since then, the thought of being touched had got worse. Because
now I wanted her to touch me.
But I couldn’t ever let her.
“Brother. Talk to me.”
“Yeah. She touched me. After I’d fucked up that cunt, Moses, real bad she thanked me. She looked
up at me with those big green eyes and then she fucking touched me.” I looked up at AK and Viking.
“And I could touch her back. I can’t touch anyone unless I’m killing them, because of the flames.” I
shook my head as my eyes clouded over and my stomach tightened so much I couldn’t breathe. I
blinked, and said, “But she touched me. The flames didn’t hurt her. I made her feel good.”
My chest ached at how much I wanted to touch Maddie again. But a deep pit caved in my stomach
when I told myself that I couldn’t. That it was a one-time thing. Then I saw a drop of water hit the
thigh of my leathers. My hand moved over the water, my finger pushing through the wetness. Then
another drop hit.
“Shit!” I heard AK hiss. When I lifted my head, Viking and AK were blurred. My hand went to my
face, and I felt wet on my skin. Wet from my eyes.
AK stood up. “Flame, man. Fuck. Sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. I shouldn’t have asked about the
little one, and the touching, and how you feel about her. That’s your fucking deal.”
“She would never want me. I’m a fucking retard.” I hit the side of my head with the heel of my palm
as my eyes blurred again. “I don’t think right in here. I’m fucked up—I don’t get people, they don’t get
me. And I ain’t ever gonna be able to read people. Why would someone as perfect as her want
someone as fucked up as me? Someone who isn’t right in the head?”
AK held out his hand. “Stop fucking talking like that. That bitch fucking watches you as much as you
do her. And I ain’t thinking after what she’s come from that she’s as perfect as you think. Mae ain’t.
Lilah ain’t. What makes you think she’s different?”
“Because she’s perfect. Everything about her is fucking perfect. Every-fuckin’-thing.”
AK stepped forward, his palms in the air. “Brother, I think you need to sleep. Just… yeah. Just get
some fucking sleep.”
Vike joined AK. “Go, Flame. Go in your cabin and sleep. Shit’ll feel better when you’ve got some
strength back.”
Dropping the untouched steak to the ground, I got up and turned to my cabin, but just before I
reached the door, I glanced back. “I had to save her. I had to save her from that bullet. I can’t touch
her. I can’t ever… be with her. I can’t… do that. But I can save her. I can keep her safe.”
AK ran his hands through his dark hair. “I know, man. I fucking know.” He dropped his head. “And
I’ll say it again. That bitch fucking sees something in you too. Like she gets you or some shit…” He
trailed off and his voice got rougher.
I felt like I should know why. But I never understood other people.
Vike pointed at my cabin door. “Get inside. Get your head down.”
I opened my door and walked inside, confused at my brother’s emotion. Scanning the room, my
things were just as I left them: knives, leathers, guns.
Then I looked to my right, and to the floor. The scalding blood in my veins hit me like a freight train
when I fixed my gaze on that hatch, at the back of the living room. I held my breath as a slice of pain
stabbed through my stomach and I felt the flames once more. I closed my eyes and stumbled in the
direction of my knives.
I picked up the old steel knife. The one I always used. I stared at the knife. Felt the evil filling my
veins; the fire crawling to the surface. Then I felt my cock get hard. Felt it push at the zipper of my
leathers. And I knew he’d be in my head any minute.
 Breathing fast, muscles pumped and dick hard, I stumbled to the hatch. Lifting the knife, I held it
between my teeth. It was dark, no light on this side of the room, but my eyes were fixed on that hatch.
Then the voice in my head stirred.
His voice.
The voice that never fucking left me alone.
“Strip,” he ordered, his rough voice loud in my head. Teeth biting down on the knife’s handle, I
hissed, and my eyes rolled back. In seconds I’d ripped off my cut.
“All of them, boy,” he growled, and I heard the crack of his leather belt follow the command.
My cock throbbed and tested the zipper of my leathers. Reaching down, my hands slammed to cup it
in my hands. I squeezed and squeezed harder again, my fist iron-tight until my legs shook, then a roar
tore from my throat.
“All of them, boy,” he demanded again. “Get all of them gone.”
Releasing my granite cock, I snapped the button of the leathers, yanking them apart and wrenched
them down my legs.
My shoulders tightened and my chest heaved waiting for the next command. My hands were balled
into fists at my side, my untouched cock aching, hard and waiting.
My eyes were shut, my teeth gripping harder on the blade, when the voice suddenly commanded,
“Get on the floor.”
My legs dropped from beneath me onto the small hatch built into my cabin’s floor. I grabbed the
blade from my mouth, and with my other hand, took hold of my dick. Curling my fingers around my
flesh, I let my long nails dig in, hissing at the flash of blinding pain.
I moaned. I moaned loud and my hips thrust forward. My hand started to move; back and forth, back
and forth. It hurt. It burned… it felt so fucking good.
This was what I needed.
This was what I fucking needed.
My mouth dropped open as my hand worked faster. My body tensed as I felt the fire spiking up my
spine. The pressure built in my balls. But I couldn’t come. It was there. The fire, the flames needing to
get out. But I needed… I needed…
In a flash, the steel blade cut down my thigh, the sharp edge slicing into my flesh. Blood pooled at
the wound, as the voice hissed, “One.” He counted me on with each strike. “Two.” My hand worked
faster and faster up and down my dick, my sharp nails clawing into my thin skin. “Three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine…” I hunched over, my breath hissing through my gritted teeth as the voice, and
the blade’s deep strikes, built me higher and higher. “Ten,” the voice called louder, blood dripping
down my thighs and onto the hatch.
Body tensing, I braced for the final command. My hand squeezed tight, nails shredding my cock, the
blade stabbing deep into my thigh. Then the voice thundered, “ELEVEN!” With a rush of pure heat,
every muscle inside my body roared with fire. My bones shook with pent up rage, and with a pained
scream, I came. I came so fucking hard that my head threw back and my blade clattered to the floor.
 I fought to breathe, my exhausted body slumping forward. But when I caught my breath, the usual
slam of nausea rolled in my stomach, my body lurching to the side as I wretched into the waiting
bucket beside me.
When there was nothing left in my stomach, the emptiness was replaced with the rush of shame I felt
every night. Every night after I’d cut myself, purged and obeyed his voice.
My head hung as I felt cum on my legs, mixing with the blood on the floor beneath me. Shifting my
aching tired body, I wrapped my arms around my waist and fell down to lie on the floor. Sucking in a
stuttered breath, my chest wheezing from my release, I laid over the hatch on the hard cold floor. I
closed my eyes, and tried my best to sleep.
His voice, inside my head, quiet for now.
 Chapter Four

Maddie

I loved to draw.
It was something I had discovered in my many nights spent alone in my bedroom.
And I was good. At least I thought I was. But more than that, it was my escape. I got to live out the
fantasy life I had dreamed for myself, if my upbringing had been different… if I were different.
A cold wind wrapped around my body as I sat outside. Sleep did not find me, and my hands itched
to draw. It was the middle of the night, and the stars shone in the dark sky like diamonds.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled. I loved breathing in the night air. I loved being outside. I simply loved
the peace.
Sitting back on the lawn chair, I reached for the three quarter full sketchpad lying on the grass.
Opening the bound book, I flicked past the first few pages; pictures of leaves, birds and trees. I
skipped past the pages of a young girl in a meadow, smiling up at the large sun. Four young sisters
walking hand in hand—three dark haired¸ one bright blond—still innocent and untouched.
Then as I turned the next page, I stopped, hands freezing, as a familiar set of midnight eyes stared up
at me from the page, as though they were real and shining in the moonlight beneath my window.
With a timid finger, I traced the edge of those eyes and wished that I were able to touch him in
reality. I held my right hand in the air, and with my left hand, intertwined the fingers just to imagine
how it might feel.
A hand holding mine.
One simple touch.
A touch that said so much.
A slice of pain hit my chest, and I sighed deeply in sadness. Because since meeting Flame, my
thoughts had changed so much.
In commune, I used to dream that I was a butterfly. That I would spread my colorful wings and fly
away from all the pain. But now, when Flame was near, I dreamed anew. I dreamed that one day I
would know what his hand felt like holding mine.
My heart sank at this impossibility. Dropping my hands, I let my fingers loosen and break their hold.
Suddenly, my attention was pulled by the sound of rustling trees. I sat bolt upright in the chair and
stared at the dark line of the forest. My heart slammed against my ribcage, when a figure emerged
from the heavy foliage.
My breathing paused, fear taking hold, then a familiar pair of leather boots and trousers entered the
moonlit lawn. Blades hung from his belt, and his torso was naked under the heavy leather cut.
 Flame.
My heart, that was already racing, seemed to beat at an impossible speed. And then Flame lifted his
head, and it ceased to beat at all.
The frown that was on his face instantly blanked. His lips mumbling something under his breath,
stilling mid-speech.
I clutched the blanket lying over my knees to my chest. I remained frozen, as did Flame. I had not
expected him to come tonight, his friends had taken him back to his home. I could see from my
window how exhausted he had been. I could see, even in the haze of moonlight, how tired he was
still.
Flame’s hands tensed at his sides. His chest heaved with movement that was too quick, then he
abruptly turned on his heel, and with a rigid back, he headed back into the forest.
My stomach sank as he turned to leave, and without conscious thought, I slammed my sketchpad shut,
shuffled to the edge of the seat and called out, “Wait! Do not go!”
Flame stopped dead.
As did I.
Swallowing back my nerves, my shock at what I had just done, I said, “Please, Flame. Do not go…
I… I am glad you are here.”
Flame’s fingers curled and uncurled, then straightening his shoulders, he slowly turned. His large
frame was rigid as he faced me once more. Then he just stood. Stood at the end of the forest, his
attention fixed forward.
But I wanted him closer.
Still perched on the edge of my seat, I asked, “Would you like to come closer? I… I have been
sitting out here alone as I could not sleep. It…” I took a deep breath, fighting my natural instinct to
flee, and continued. “It would be nice to have some company.”
Flame remained still, his rigid body convincing me that he would not come any nearer. Then, to my
surprise, he began walking, his powerful legs bringing him closer to where I sat.
In the still and silent night, I could hear him counting his steps one to eleven, then repeating it back
to himself under his breath. My head tilted to the side as he approached, a swirl of anticipation and
fear mixing in my stomach.
His skin on his arms looked newly cut, and I could not help but feel sad for him. For whatever had
happened to make him need to harm himself in such a way. Grasping a blade from his belt, his fingers
tightened on the handle. Like he needed the blade as a comfort.
As though he was nervous to be here with me now.
Inhaling a long breath, I asked quietly, “Would you like to sit?” I pointed at the chair in front of
mine. Flame looked at the chair through his long black lashes, and exhaling sharply through his nose,
sat beside me. I smelled the oil and leather. I smelled the rich musk and spice scent that only belonged
to Flame, and warmth filled my bones.
He was sat beside me.
 Flame was sitting right beside me.
Dropping my eyes to the frayed edges of the gray blanket wrapped around me, I played with the
clustered strands of wool just for something to help with the nerves accosting my body.
But Flame was absolutely still. Absolutely silent.
I glanced to the side, only to see him watching. As soon as our eyes met, he dropped his. A blush
raced to fill my cheeks, and for some unknown reason, a whisper of a smile pulled on the corner of
my mouth.
Lifting my head, I stared at the large moon, and found the courage to speak. “I did not think you
would be coming to see me tonight.”
After several seconds of silence, I believed Flame would not respond. Until I caught him shift in his
seat, and he said roughly, “I couldn’t stay away.”
My pulse raced at his response and I whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s shoulders shrugged, then focusing back on the blade in his hand, he said, “I couldn’t stop
thinking about you. And I…” Flame trailed off.
“And what?” I pushed.
“I needed to be near you. I needed to know you were safe.”
I watched Flame’s finger stroke along the edge of his blade, but his words circled my head and my
heart bloomed.
“I am happy you came,” I said in response. Drawing in a breath, I added, “I… I have missed you…”
The confession was made on a whisper, my voice too nervous to be bold. Though I meant it with all
my heart. I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.
Flame’s sharp exhale slipped from his lips. “I can’t fucking stand that I was gone from you that long.
It’s fucking with my head.”
My attention slipped to the red scar at the side of his neck, his gauze now gone, and I asked, “Were
you in pain?” My stomach turned. “I cannot bear the thought of you in pain because of me.”
“No,” Flame said coldly. “There was no pain. I’m good with pain. But they fucking strapped me
down. They strapped me down and I couldn’t fucking stand it. Then they drugged me. Drugged me so I
couldn’t get to them. Couldn’t kill the men that strapped me down.”
Flame was panting, his nostrils flaring. My head dropped. “It was my fault,” I whispered. “It was
my fault you had to go through that.”
“I had to protect you.” He then shifted in his seat and admitted, “When I woke up, when AK and
Viking woke me up, you were the first person I thought of. And I had to see you. I just… I just had to
fucking see you.”
My lip hooked at the corner, his desperate need to see me igniting a flicker of happiness in my heart.
But as I looked at his face, at the dark circles below his eyes, that smiled faded.
“You appear tired,” I said quietly, and Flame briefly closed his eyes.
“I don’t sleep. I can never fucking sleep.”
 Flame’s torso went rigid, his knuckles white as they gripped the blade and I whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s head shook and his teeth gritted together. Then staring into the distance, replied, “I just
fucking can’t.”
Understanding he did not want to talk about it, I let it be. “I understand,” I soothed. “I do not sleep
much either.” Brother Moses’ face flitted through my mind, and I explained, “I have too many
memories that visit at night… memories I would rather not relive.”
Flame sucked in a quick breath, but said nothing in response. Another sweep of cold wind whipped
around the lawn, and I pulled the blanket up to my chin. Shifting in my seat, I turned to curl up in
Flame’s direction.
Flame’s head was resting against the high back of the chair. As I drank in his large frame, his dark
hair and beard, his heavy covering of tattoos and his many piercings, I found myself feeling more at
ease than I had in weeks.
“I am happy you are back, Flame. I found myself at a loss without you.”
“You did?”
“Completely lost. You… you are the only person that ever makes me feel safe. When you were
gone…” I trailed off, unable to express how his absence made me feel.
Flame groaned. “Maddie…”
My heart beat hard at the desperate tone to his voice. “Flame,” I whispered back, his dark eyes
trapped mine.
The air was static between us, a thick fog shrouding where we sat. My heart beat erratically, and
unsteady breaths slipped through my lips. Then a voice called from the side of the house, shattering
the moment.
“Maddie?”
I looked behind me, only to see Lilah rushing into the clearing.
My eyebrows pulled down. “Lilah?” I shifted forward in my seat. “Are you okay? It is the middle of
the night. Why are you here?”
Lilah approached, then her steps faltered when she saw Flame at my side. I blushed, fearing how
this would be perceived. Finding her composure, she waved her hand. “You are needed. We all are.
Ky has received a call from the compound. He has the truck to take us there.”
I got to my feet, wondering why we could possibly be required, then I felt Flame standing behind
me. Lilah glanced over my shoulder, and I sighed in relief when I heard, “I’m coming too.”
Lilah turned on her heel and I followed suit, Flame shortly behind. As we came to the front of the
house, Mae, Styx, and Ky were there. All eyes turned our way as we walked through. Ky looked to
Flame and said, “Fuck, brother. Shouldn’t you be sleeping or some shit?”
I heard Flame’s deep breathing, and he spat, “I’m coming with you.”
Styx shook his head, and Mae watched me with narrowed eyes. Ky broke the awkward silence.
“Let’s get the fuck to the clubhouse.”
All of us got into the truck, Flame jumping in the bed at the back. And in silence, we set off onto
the country road.
When we exited the truck it was to meet a crowd, including Tank, Beauty, Tanner, Bull, Smiler and
Letti. All of them turned our way when they heard us approach. I stayed close to Flame’s side. There
were too many men. Too many people. They made me feel nervous.
“Everyone clear the fuck out!” Ky ordered, seeming to understand. The rest of the men and women I
did not know walked into the clubhouse.
Beauty stepped forward. “She just turned up. We were all drinking in the bar when we heard her
fucking screaming from outside. The young bitch is in a real fucking state, banging on the front gate,
raising hell and all she keeps asking for are the three Cursed Sisters of The Order,” Beauty pointed at
Lilah, Mae and I, “And that’ll be you fucking fine ladies.”
“What?” Mae whispered in disbelief. Mae moved forward, Lilah following closely behind; she
pushed past Tank and Bull. I heard her gasp, then say, “It is okay. We will not hurt you.”
Beauty saw me stand back near Flame. She waved her hand for me to move closer. I hesitated, then
Beauty insisted, “Come on, darlin’, she’s been asking for y’all personally.”
I stepped forward and walked in front of Beauty to stand next to Mae. I abruptly stopped.
Immediately, my heart tore itself into shreds. A young girl. Maybe fourteen or fifteen, dirtied, cut and
bleeding, dressed in a ripped and soiled long gray dress. The staple gray dress from The Order. Her
white headdress was half hanging off her head, her dark blond hair underneath pitted with mud. And
her eyes, her deep blue eyes were glassy with fear. She had backed into the corner of the gate, her
hands out, trying to keep people at bay.
I saw her eyes flare when Lilah, Mae and I stood before her. On a pained sob, she fell to the ground,
her hand covering her mouth. Lilah looked to me and I could see the panic on her face.
Mae, however, just inched forward, her hands held out too. “Be calm,” Mae soothed. The girl froze.
“My name is Mae,” Mae explained. She pointed behind at us. “This is Lilah and Maddie.”
The young girl’s bloodied lip quivered and she asked, “Are you the Cursed Sisters of Eve?” My
body jolted as she called us by that title, but Mae just nodded her head. “We used to be. I am Salome.
This is Delilah. This is Magdalene,” Mae explained, pointing to Lilah and I once more.
The girl released another sob, her frail shoulders hunched over. “I found you,” she whispered
brokenly, through her tears. “I really found you.”
Mae looked back, questions evident in her eyes. Lilah joined Mae, and crouched down to meet the
young girl’s eyes. “Do you have a name?”
The girl seemed to steady her breathing, and said quietly, “Sarai. My name is Sarai.”
Lilah smiled gently. “Sarai, can you tell us what has happened. Where you have come from?”
Sarai straightened, wincing as she moved her legs. Without her speaking a word, I knew she had
been violated. I felt like screaming out loud. She was a child. That awful place had hurt another child.
“I… I have come from New Zion. I managed to escape.” Sarai closed her eyes for the briefest of
moments, then met Lilah’s eyes, and said, “They kept hurting us. They kept doing things to us. Bad
things.” I fought back nausea as she spoke, knowing the feeling all too well. “Some of the girls had
spoken about the Cursed Sisters that had escaped. Many of the girls talk of how you got away… and
when… when… when they hurt me… hurt us tonight, we ran too.”
Lilah swallowed and asked, “Who is we, Sarai?”
Sarai’s face scrunched in pain and another sob escaped her throat. “My friends. But… but they got
caught at the gate. They did not tell the guards I was there, in hiding. They helped me to get free. I
have been travelling for hours. Someone helped bring me here. A stranger, someone that saw me lost
on a road somewhere…” Sarai broke down again.
Lilah got to her feet, and looked at Mae. “Mae?”
But before Mae could speak, Ky said, “Are y’all believing this shit?”
Lilah’s wide eyes went to her husband. “Ky! Please.” Sarai, at Ky’s harsh tone, curled into herself
further, her scratched and swollen ankles appearing under her dress.
“What? A bitch from the cult turns up in the middle of the fucking night and no one is thinking this
could be a fucking set up? The cult that definitely wants us all fucking dead.” He turned to Styx. “Tell
me I’m not alone in this, brother?”
Styx signed something and Mae shook her head. “She is terrified, baby. I get what you are saying. I
understand that you are wary, but look at her. Anyone can see she is petrified.”
I followed Mae’s finger to Sarai who was huddled on the ground. Her pretty face was pale and her
body shook with fear. Mae’s breathing hitched, and looking to Styx, she said, “That was me. I was
this girl. I was this girl running to escape that hell.” Mae stepped to Styx and ran her finger down his
face. “The girl you saved.” Mae shook her head and dropped her eyes. “We cannot leave her. She
needs our help. I cannot send her away.”
Styx tipped his head back, then staring at his wife, signed something back.
Mae straightened her shoulders, and said, “We need to get her cleaned up. She needs food and a
doctor. I think she has been raped.”
“For fuck’s sake!” I heard Ky snap, but I could not take my eyes off the young girl. She was bruised,
beaten and broken… I knew exactly how she felt.
Styx signed something to Tank and he pulled out his cell. “Where do I get the doc to go?”
Lilah lifted her hand. “Our cabin. She can stay with us.”
“What?” Ky bit out, anger in his voice.
Lilah faced Ky. “Maddie lives with Mae. There is no room. We have plenty, and…” Lilah’s words
trailed off and she took a deep breath. “Ky you do not understand. You do not understand what life is
like in that commune as a young girl. How brave she is to leave that life, and at her age. She—”
Lilah’s words stopped as Ky pulled her to his chest.
“Fuck, Li. Fine. She comes with us. Just don’t fucking do it to yourself. Don’t fucking go back to
those thoughts.”
“Thank you,” Lilah whispered, gripping tightly onto Ky’s cut.
Lilah broke from Ky, and she and Mae approached Sarai, helping her to her feet. I did not move.
And when she cried out from the pain between her legs, I thought my legs would give way.
They had hurt her.
 Hurt her as they did us.
Mae and Lilah walked Sarai back to Ky’s truck. I followed behind, Flame by my side. Flame and
Styx jumped into the bed of the truck, and in minutes we were pulling into Lilah’s cabin.
Mae and Lilah took Sarai straight inside, Styx and Ky following close behind. I exited the truck, and
Flame was immediately behind me. Turning to face him, I said, “I had better go inside with my
sisters.”
Flame did not say anything in response.
But just as I moved to walk inside, I stopped, and facing him, said, “I… I enjoyed talking with you
tonight.” Flame’s nostrils flared. Fighting back nerves, I said, “Perhaps… If you would like to… we
could talk more tomorrow?”
Flame’s hand tightened on the blade in his hand, and he said, “Yeah.”
My cheeks heated with excitement. Dropping my eyes, I said, “Then good night, Flame. I shall see
you tomorrow.”
I walked into the cabin, helping Mae and Lilah support the young beaten girl. But it was no surprise,
that when I looked out of the window, Flame was standing below.
 Chapter Five

Prophet Cain
New Zion Commune

“Cain, why are you out here?”

I turned round at the sound of my brother Judah’s voice. He was walking toward me, his long brown
hair tied back in a ponytail, and a frown firmly on his face; the face of my identical twin.
I looked back across the gardens of our mansion, watching our people tending to the vast lawns.
Judah’s consort, Phebe, was working in the herb garden. I had been out here for a couple of hours
now and she had occupied most of my focus, as she silently overturned soil and planted seeds. During
the last few weeks her bright personality had dimmed. She was still at Judah’s side, and still in his
bed, but something in her demeanor had changed.
Judah’s hand suddenly landed on my shoulder. He kept it there as he sat beside me on the steps
leading down to the garden path.
His face instantly turned to mine. “Brother? Are you okay?”
I tapped my hand on his knee. “I’m well. I needed some space. The daily sermons, the meetings with
the Klan, and the Hangmen issues, are tiring.”
Judah nodded his head in understanding. He removed his arm from around my shoulder and rested it
on his lap. “Now you mention it, you do seem to have become increasingly distant.”
I ran a hand down my face, my stomach rolling with the fear that I was letting Judah down. Letting
our people down. “I know. There’s just so much to do. Our people are many; having their faith and
expectations of our salvation solely in my hands is a great burden.”
Judah looked out over the gardens, his brown eyes drinking in the sight of our people working in the
garden. I followed his gaze. A young boy, evidently feeling our attention, looked up. As soon as his
gaze met mine, his head dipped and he bowed. My chest tightened as he turned back to his work, his
head not rising again.
As I studied the boy, I figured he must be about fifteen. All gangly limbs and awkward movements. I
thought back to what I was doing at that age. Memories of Judah and I locked in a room for hours each
day, learning scripture. Our scholar made sure we knew our scriptures by heart. Our uncle—Prophet
David’s—picture on the wall was our only decoration. There was no playtime for us, no relaxation.
Our faith had taught us that we must constantly work hard. Work hard, so when the day came for my
ascension, we would be ready.
There had been no human contact, save with each other and our scholar.
There had been no love, but for that of each other. And there had been no one to confide in, to ask
questions of, than each other.
 This life was all that I had known until I was sent on a mission to infiltrate the Hangmen. A mission
from our Prophet. One that would secure our finances by taking their gun trade contacts from under
their nose—to house and keep our people safe until the Day of Judgment fell upon us.
Judah suddenly leaned in beside me and said in a low voice, “See how our followers worship you,
brother? You may have doubts about who you are to us, but we do not. Was it not the same with
Jesus? He too had doubts, but his disciples kept him strong. Just as I do for you.”
Judah’s hand rested over mine. “Look at me, Cain.” I did. “You are meant for this. And I will do
anything you ask of me. Anything.”
Feeling the wound-up coil of tension loosen in my stomach, I squeezed Judah’s hand and sighed in
relief. “I know, Judah. I am sure that it’s you, and you alone, who makes this calling bearable.”
Judah smiled at my words, and we went back to gazing out over the gardens. Judah sat back, resting
on his hands, and said, “I’ve just had contact from the Klan. They are putting our plan into action
today. They’ve got word on a cash drop off, north of Georgetown, with one of their biggest buyers.
It’s the perfect first target. The Klan will make it clear that anyone trading with the Hangmen is a
potential target. Then, between us and the Klan’s Grand Wizards, we can reap their lost business.”
Judah smiled wide and continued. “Just imagine what we could create for our people, Cain. With
that money we can truly make New Zion a heaven on Earth. We can realize the prophecy. I am forever
grateful that Governor Ayer’s son defected from the Klan and joined the Hangmen. It poured gasoline
on the White Knights' already smoldering fire. With his personal vendetta against his son, and the MC
for taking him in, I am convinced the Klan won’t fail.”
I listened to Judah’s words, but said, “The Hangmen are strong, Judah. I spent five years pretending
to be one of them. Their reach goes further than we or the Klan can contend with at the moment. To
make us victors over the MC, we must wait. Everything will take time, like Governor Ayers said. We
must play our cards appropriately. Not do anything to prod the fire. If they choose to attack now, then
we would face another massacre like that of the old commune. We wouldn’t survive another attack.”
Judah frowned, but then asserted, “This drop off attack from the Klan is a start. The war is coming
for us all, whether we like it or not. And for that we need their gun trade. The Klan will come through
on their gradual attacks, I am sure. Then our vision for our people will begin.”
I could clearly picture this dream in my head, but when I thought of the Klan targeting the Hangmen
at a drop off, drop offs that I used to run, I countered, “Innocent people will die in the attack. The
Hangmen always conduct their business publically. Covert planning and organizing, but publically
carrying the plans out, to ensure no one attacks them without being seen.”
Judah’s happy expression fell. “This is a Holy War, Cain. Innocent lives will be claimed, but the
Lord will save their souls. Their deaths should not be on your conscience. It is the way it must be.”
I didn’t at first reply, but it didn’t sit well with me, so I warned, “You need to tell Landry to get his
men to keep the number of innocent lives to a minimum. It cannot be traced back to us, if it makes the
news. Our anonymity is the only thing that protects all. The sinners in the outside world will not
understand our ways. We will be targeted and all that we have built will be destroyed.”
Judah exhaled. “Done, brother. I’ll make the call myself.”
We sat in silence. I could see Judah watching his consort. She glanced up and bowed at us both, but
quickly went back to her duties. I frowned.
“Your consort has been quiet of late, Judah.” Judah sat forward, coming into my line of sight. His
expression showed he was not too concerned by this development.
“She was my first consort. She had me solely to herself for a time, but now I have taken another. She
is sulking over it.” He looked at me and shrugged. “She knows it is God’s will that we take many
women under our guidance, that we school them to be obedient to men, and impregnate many to
spread the message of our faith. She cannot move past her jealousy. If she continues to resist, I will
make her move past it.”
I looked to the consort clipping the herbs. “You have taken another? I didn’t know this.”
Judah sighed. “I took her, but did not tell you. You do not take consorts as the prophet. I did not
want you to be envious that I am free to take as many as I wish, without the need for marriage.”
My stomach tightened as he spoke those words. “Judah, please don’t keep anything from me. Not
you.”
Placing his hand on the back of my head, he pulled me down to lay a kiss on my head. “No more. I
swear.”
Sitting back, I asked, “What is she like? This new consort?”
The smile on Judah’s face was immediate. “She is incredible. I admit she’s gained my favor. She is
obedient and willing to do anything for the Lord’s cause. She was introduced to me by Brother Luke.
He ensures that our brothers here in New Zion are doing their part in the spiritual expansion of our
women.”
Judah sat up and looked to me. “In fact, there are some you should meet. You may like them. Brother
Luke has videos for you to watch, of the women that are a cut above the rest, women that could
become your wives. The one’s only worthy of the Prophet.”
My eyebrows pulled down. “I am for the prophesized Cursed wife, Judah.”
“Our uncle had many wives. Surely as long as you gain the Cursed’s hand eventually, this is all that
matters. The scripture does not state that you were to have her and only her. You are always alone. It
is a miserable existence, yet you could take so many females to stand by your side.”
“Brother Judah?” A voice called from behind. When we turned, Brother Luke stood in the doorway.
He bowed his head to me, then said to Judah, “Brother, I have received the call we have been waiting
for.”
Judah held up a hand signaling he would be coming. Just as he made to stand, he said, “I know you
find this role stifling, but I am working on ways to help you. New developments to make us
impossibly strong. I am the Prophet’s Hand, my duty is to serve and advise you. But more than that, I
am your twin. And I want to see all The Order’s prophecies realized. I swear, Cain, nothing will stop
me from achieving this goal for you. Nothing.”
Exhaling, feeling lighter by his words, I lowered my head. “Thank you, Judah. That means
everything to me. Just… just do not do anything foolish. Remember, our salvation will come, but it
will take time.”
Judah tapped his hand on my back, then disappeared into the mansion.
 Left with my thoughts, I leaned forward, pushing my hands through my hair, elbows on knees. The
siren sounded, calling our people for their prayers. I watched the workers begin to leave.
But Judah’s consort held back. It was as though she did not want to go. I kept my focus on her,
watching as she continued tending to the herbs. Then she glanced up and saw me. A deep blush
immediately filled her cheeks. The consort rushed to her feet and moved to hurry to prayers. As I
watched her meet the garden path, something inside of me pushed me to call her name.
“Sister Phebe!” She stopped dead, and with a downcast head, turned to face me. Her bright red hair
was tied back away from her face. Even from this distance I could see her chewing on her bottom lip.
“Come here,” I commanded, registering that we were now alone. Sister Phebe picked up the hem of
her long dress and walked toward me. When she reached the bottom of the steps, she stopped. Her
head remained bowed, as was required in the presence of the Lord’s Prophet.
“Be at ease, sister,” I ordered. Sister Phebe relaxed her shoulders but her eyes remained downcast.
“Look at me.”
Seeing her expel a long sigh, she lifted her head and her blue eyes met mine. I studied her features.
She was pretty. Her skin was pale, but clear and smooth, her hair was striking and her eyes seemed
warm. I could understand why my brother took her as one of his women. Sister Phebe glanced to the
side under my scrutiny and, for a moment, I could discern her sister's looks in her face. I could see the
Cursed Delilah.
Judah’s consort nervously rocked on her feet, so I sat forward and asked, “How are you, Sister
Phebe?”
Phebe’s eyes snapped to mine and she swallowed. “I am well, my Lord.”
Her lips began to tremble. “I don’t think you are, sister. You have not been acting like your normal
self for weeks.” I paused and watched her head lower again, then added, “Is it because Judah has
taken a second?”
Lifting her head, Phebe’s eyes widened at my question. She quickly shook her head. “No, my Lord.”
“Are you sure? Your mood change is not due to jealousy? Because jealousy has no place in this
commune, nor your heart. You know our scriptures condemn envy and greed.”
A firm expression set on Phebe’s face and she replied, “I am absolutely not jealous, my Lord. I
know taking several consorts is what our scripture advises.”
Resting my elbows on my knees, I asked, “Then what is it?” She went to open her mouth, when I
commanded harshly, “And do not lie to your Prophet.”
Phebe’s mouth slammed shut. A sudden empty feeling filled my stomach. Then a thought crossed my
mind. “Judah has not hurt you, has he?”
Phebe’s lips parted, but she shook her head. She moved to speak, but then something stopped her.
“Speak,” I demanded.
Phebe shook her head in refusal. “What is troubling me is sinful, my Lord. It is wrong, but I cannot
stop thinking about it all the same.”
I tried to imagine what could be sinful to her, then remembered her avoidance of the call to prayer.
“Are these thoughts why you missed prayers?”
Phebe hesitated, then reluctantly nodded her head. “I am unclean. I am not worthy of prayer.” Tears
filled her eyes, and I found myself getting to my feet. I walked down the steps until I stood right
before her. Phebe, this close, was shaking. Reaching my hand up, I placed my finger under her chin,
until her eyes clashed with my own.
A tear fell down her cheek.
“Tell me what you fear is sinful.” Phebe tried to pull away. “No!” I commanded. She froze. “You
will tell me, now!”
Phebe’s lip trembled, but she forced herself to whisper, “It is… it is my sister. It is my Rebek—,”
She corrected the name. “It is my Delilah.”
I immediately dropped my hand. Phebe lowered her head once more. “I told you it was sinful, my
Lord. I am wrong to keep thinking of her. To keep thinking of what was done to her all those weeks
ago.”
I stepped back. I thought of Delilah’s face as I told her to confess her sins to me, when she had been
recaptured from the Hangmen compound. She had refused. And I had washed my hands of her. She
was Mae’s sister. I could not deal with someone Mae loved. She was still my weakness.
Judah took over her instruction as I took myself into seclusion, to atone for my weakness over that
woman. Salome. My destined wife.
I never asked Judah what was done to Delilah. I could not. I could not bring myself to hear what she
received in punishment for disobeying our ways.
Phebe interrupted my reflection. She lifted her head and cried, “My Lord, I cannot rid my mind of
what was done to her. Of what she looked like when I found her on the Hill of Perdition, hanging from
a stake and being spiritually cleansed by the brothers.” She sobbed, and continued, “Then seeing the
devil’s men come to retrieve her. Of what they did to the brothers in their rage.”
I swallowed as she talked of the fallen brothers, of their punishments, of Delilah, of the Hangmen
breaking into my commune unnoticed, severing the one remaining link I had to Mae.
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I reassured, “Truly, it was too much for you to witness, Sister. For
you to see the brother’s slain bodies.”
Phebe cried harder and shook her head. “No…” she whispered. I pulled back my hand.
“No, what?”
Sniffing, Phebe wiped at her eyes, then confessed, “I sin because I rejoice at what the devil’s men
did. I am happy that they killed our brothers.” Her blue eyes stared straight ahead, losing focus.
“After what they had just done to Delilah, I was happy. They went further than Judah had commanded,
even though what he ordered was not at all based on our scripture. But… but I could not speak up. I
dared not question a command of the Prophet’s Hand.”
Her eyes fixed on mine and she said coldly, “They violated her. They took her, they hurt her over
and over again. But that was not supposed to be her punishment. Judah… Judah ordered them to make
Delilah suffer. Of course, I was not meant to have heard his command. But… but I did.”
Clearing her throat, she squared her shoulders and continued. “When the devil’s men took Delilah;
when the man with long blond hair saved her and held her protectively in his arms… I was happy.”
Phebe ran her hand over her forehead, clearly in distress.
What she had said raced through my mind. Judah had issued a punishment not-of-scripture? Delilah
had been put on a stake? They had… repeatedly taken her?
Phebe was staring at me as I lowered my gaze. “My Lord, I believe that if you had issued the
punishment, it would not have been of that nature.” She sucked in a breath and boldly asked, “Am I
correct?”
I fought to breathe at the thought of what Phebe had so graphically described. But she was wrong.
Surely she had to be wrong?
I rallied, then asked, “You were tied up to a tree, were you not? Judah reported that his consort
was found tied to a tree, dehydrated and distressed.”
What looked like hope quickly disappeared from Phebe’s eyes. “Yes, my Lord.”
Folding my arms over my chest, I probed, “So you may not have seen what you think you did?”
“I—” Her mouth opened then quickly closed.
“The devil’s men tied you up, Sister. Your body was injured when you were found, was it not?”
She nodded. “Because of the many hours I was there, not because those men hurt me.” She blinked.
Then blinked again. “In fact, the man with the long brown hair who tied me up was gentle. And he…
and he stared at me the entire time. There was something in his eyes. He—” she stopped speaking
when her cheeks filled with redness.
My jaw ached with how hard I was gritting my teeth. I believed in Judah. I believed my brother
would not have sanctioned such acts against the Cursed Delilah. I looked to Phebe again. Her big
eyes were staring up at me, rather too intently.
My stomach rolled when I realized this could be a ruse. Containing my anger, I asked, “Are you sure
you are not simply bitter over Judah taking a second? One, by his own confession, who is a perfect
consort? And all of this, this imagining, is merely to regain his attention?”
Phebe’s face paled to a deathly white. “No, my Lord.”
“But can you see how you could have imagined it all due to your dehydration and many hours tied
up, unable to move?”
Phebe paused then, eventually, her shoulders sagged. “Yes, my Lord.”
Relief filled my veins and I stepped back. “Do you have duties to perform tonight, Sister?”
“Yes,” she replied, “I am the head Sacred Sister. We are to leave the commune tonight to spread the
Lord’s love.”
“No,” I snapped. Phebe flinched. “You are to go into seclusion until you rid yourself of your sinful
thoughts. I will inform Judah.”
Phebe’s eyes became eerily wide. “But, my Lord. Judah, he will—”
“Do not question me, Sister,” I bellowed coldly. Phebe immediately dropped to the ground,
prostrating herself at my feet.
 “I am sorry, my Lord.”
Turning, I left Phebe on the ground. I swiftly climbed the steps, rushing toward the solitude of my
mansion. With every step I thought of what Phebe had said about Judah, Delilah, the fallen brothers.
And with every step, I told myself that what she had just divulged could, in no way, be true. That
Judah was simply not capable of such cruelty, of such depravity. And he would never ever break the
edicts of scripture, to defy what we held to be true.
He was my brother.
He would never betray me in such a way.
 Chapter Six

Flame

I followed behind AK, Vike to my right, Hush and Cowboy bringing up the rear in the truck. It was a
real quick drop off, Georgetown, which I was fucking good with. My skin was jumping so damn much
I could barely fucking ride.
We pulled into the busy main street. People were all around, but I kept my head forward, tightening
my jaw, trying to keep my shit together. Styx hadn’t wanted me on this run today. In fact, he fucking
banned it. Said I hadn’t been right since I came back from hospital. Said he thought I was a fucking
curse on this cash drop.
I’d almost fucking snapped. I went everywhere with AK and Vike. I was with them on every drop.
This was AK’s deal, and that meant I was fucking going.
AK had told Styx he’d needed me, that he’d watch me. I’d had to bite my fucking tongue at that, but
Vike had whispered to me to keep my mouth shut. Styx allowed it, but warned me to calm the fuck
down.
Shaking my head to focus, I saw AK hold up his hand and signal to the left. It led us to a side street.
A street much quieter than the main road. Less witnesses.
Seeing the Chechen town car up ahead, we came to a stop. AK got off his bike. Vike and I pulled to
a stop a few yards back. Hush and Cowboy pulled to a stop right behind. I heard them get out of the
truck and walk to the front.
Then a blinding rush of heat surged through my body. They’d been coming more and more since I’d
been tied down in that fucking hospital for weeks on end. I curled my hands, sharp fingernails digging
into my palm. I counted my breaths, in and out, swallowing back the craving to take my blade out on
the public road.
“Y’all good man?” I heard from behind. Turning my head, Cowboy was staring at me, his shades
now in hand, Stetson shading his narrowed eyes. He was right next to Hush, my mixed race brother
with the bright blue eyes. He was sitting on the hood of the truck with this thick-set arms across his
chest. The Cajun newly patched brothers were always together.
I grunted, just as another wave almost knocked me off my fucking bike.
“He’s good,” Vike said from in front of me. I fixed my attention forward, seeing AK talking to a guy
in a suit.
As my nails dug in, I tracked the people on the streets. Men, women, kids. Then my eyes stopped on
a woman holding a little baby in her arms, a little boy by her side, holding her dress.
Like taking a hit to the back with a crowbar, all the air left my lungs. My nails dug deeper into my
palm. The woman was smiling at the little boy, then she smiled at the baby. I could feel my body
shaking. I could feel my stomach tightening.
 Shut the fuck up, boy, and get down there. I heard his voice say in my head. Sinners belong in the
dark.
Then I could hear her begging, Leave him alone. Please, just leave him alone…
I blinked. I shook my head, desperately trying to get their voices out of my head. I shot my eyes to
AK. He was still talking to the Chechen. I could hear grunts and growls coming from my throat. I
stood off my saddle.
Viking’s head turned to me. “Flame?” he said slowly, but I didn’t look at him. I needed AK to hurry
the fuck up. I had to get out of this fucking place. I looked to my right. The woman was still there with
the baby and the boy. They were crossing the road. Then the blood drained from my face.
The little boy was looking at me as they waited. His eyes were watching me, just me. He pointed at
my bike and said something to his mother. She smiled at him. His mother smiled at him. Then he
waved. My nails dug in harder. But vomit was clawing up my throat. The pain of sharp nails didn’t
remove the sick feeling in my stomach, of the puke climbing up my throat. I stood, watching the boy
wave as he began to cross the road, and I froze.
My eyes were filling with black spots. My throat was closing up, as the darkness crept in. I couldn’t
take the darkness. I couldn’t stand the motherfucking darkness.
I was losing my shit.
“Flame. Brother. You need to calm the fuck down. You need to breathe. You’re growling out loud.
You’re fucking pulling attention.” Vike was in front of me, but the black spots were blurring his face.
“You’re having one of your freak outs. Just try to breathe.”
“The flames,” I said as my fingers began clawing at the skin on my throat. “The flames are choking
me. They’re fucking choking me.”
“Fuck!” Viking spat. I saw AK up ahead turning to look at me. His eyes found me. He quickly said
something to the Chechen.
AK began walking back. I counted his rushed steps. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven—
Then three loud bangs suddenly shot out into the street, the clear sound of gunfire piercing through
my head.
“Get down!” Hush shouted from behind. But I couldn’t. My eyes scanned the road, tracking the
people falling to ground. The Chechen had been hit. His body sprawled on the asphalt, blood leaking
from his skull.
My body burned, burned with need to kill as I searched for the shooters. Then a high-pitched scream
almost burst my ears. I ran forward. But the more the screaming came, the more I lost my shit.
Then I stopped dead, heart beating way too fast, black spots still filling my eyes. The mother had
been shot. The little boy sat beside her, crying… and the baby… the baby was no longer in its white
blanket. It was on the ground. Its legs were kicking. Its arms were flailing. Its face was red with its
cries.
I glanced back to the little boy who was beside his mother. He was crying, this time looking at the
baby on the ground. But he couldn’t touch it. He couldn’t fucking touch it.
Then he looked up at me. He looked up at me and held out his arms. His face was pleading. His
mother was shot, but he held up his arms for me.
Pain rushed through my head and my hands balled into fists at my side. The boy was screaming, still
holding his hands out. The baby was still on the ground, crying. Then the boy moved. He started
crawling toward me. His dark eyes look up at me, but I was rooted to the spot. He was crawling to
me, wanting me to hold him… to touch him.
No, no, no… He was getting closer, still I couldn’t move.
His screams got louder. The baby’s fucking screams got louder.
The screams were filling my head to bursting. They were poisoning my head. The boy came closer
still.
I had to move. I had to get the fuck away.
Then the boy stopped at my feet.
He reached out. He almost touched my leg. Then feeling the rage take hold, I roared, “NO!”
The boy fell back in shock. I turned. Hush and Cowboy were running my way. They ran past me and
I saw the Hush pick up the boy. I saw Cowboy pick up the baby. They gave them to a woman on the
street; she was speaking into a cell.
The screams were getting louder in my head, screams I couldn’t stop. The baby’s screams. The
boy’s screams… fuck, they were his screams… In my head, they were his screams!
“Stop!” I yelled, as AK and Viking rushed toward me.
When they reached me, AK held his hands up. "Flame, fuck,” was all he could say.
My eyes snapped up. “I need blood,” I growled. “I need to kill.”
“They went north,” Viking informed. I heard the sound of a bike racing away down the road. I didn’t
hesitate to fucking move.
I ran to my bike. In seconds I was cutting up road, AK and Viking racing behind. I heard the truck, I
heard AK calling my name, but I didn’t slow down. I had to kill the fuckers. I had to kill the fuckers
that shot the woman. That made the boy cry. That made the baby scream.
Throat tense, I screamed as I burned more gas. And then I could see them. Two bikes up ahead. Two
dirt bikes. Two white men on cheap shitty dirt bikes—the shooters.
I accelerated as we left the town limits, nothing but farmland came into view. No cars were on the
road. There was nothing but me and the dead men riding ahead. The dead men I was closing in on.
The ones that would pay for the screaming.
I was closing in. The men rode side by side. One of the men looked back. They tried to increase
their speed, but I was faster.
My Harley closed in. I maneuvered to run beside the cunts. Their faces were filled with fear as they
saw me run parallel to them. The look on their faces turned my blood to molten lava, scalding my
veins. And I needed it out. I needed the flames to get out.
I needed to kill.
Lifting my leg, I kicked out, hitting the front wheel of the bike closest to me. The bike fell away,
smashing it into the cunt on his right, both of them crashing into the roadside ditch.
The pricks screamed as they crashed onto the long grass. I slowed my Harley and, chasing back,
brought it to a stop. The bastards were crawling, trying to get away. All I could see was red.
Reaching into my belt, I pulled out my two favorite knives and closed in for the kill.
My nostrils flared. My skin was prickling with the urge to rip the fuckers apart. To sink my blade
into their flesh. To watch the blood spill on the ground.
I smiled in excitement, my arm muscles straining, holding my knives. They had broken bones from
the crash. They couldn’t get away. They were mine to kill. Their lives were mine to take.
They panicked as they saw me approach. I licked along the edge of my knife, tasting the tinny flavor
of steel in my mouth. My dick got hard. Got hard just imagining stabbing into their flesh. Hearing them
scream. Hearing them scream like the little boy. The little baby.
I snapped.
I released a roar and dived at the first man I saw. Sending the blunt end of my knife into his face, I
knocked him back and straddled his legs. Leaning forward, I watched his eyes widen with fear, and I
smiled. I smiled, knowing my fucked up face was the last thing he’d ever see.
Putting a knife between my teeth, I gripped his throat, pinning him down to the ground. I could feel
his pulse under my hand. I could feel it racing.
I would feel it stop.
Raising my blade, I sent the first strike into his stomach. “One,” I hissed as the cunt’s back bowed.
“Two,” I struck again, hearing the flesh tear under my knife. My heart pounded with excitement.
“Three,” I growled as I hit his stomach once again. The cunt tried to move, he tried to scream, but I
was blocking his screams. No more screaming.
No more fucking screaming!
“Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.” I hacked his stomach, his blood spattering my bare chest.
The warm blood coated my skin.
The cunt died, his eyes glassing over. But I needed an eleven. Pulling my knife back, I raised it high.
Then, with a loud roar, sent it straight through his forehead, splitting his skull.
Ripping the blade back from his skull, I jumped to my feet. The other prick was crawling away. My
muscles twitched as I closed in. He heard me, and looking back over his shoulder, he called out.
“Fuck, please. Shit, don’t kill me.”
I ignored his pleas. But he kept on screaming, shouting like a fucking pussy. His voice incensed me.
He needed to fucking die.
Leaning down, I gripped his hair, bending his head back to bare his throat. I didn’t wait this time,
the need to spill blood burned too strong. Raising my hand, I sent the blade into his throat—once,
twice, three times, four. And I counted all the way. I counted every strike, his blood splashing up my
arms and down my cheeks. I counted from one to eleven until that fucker was stone cold dead.
But the flames were still too strong in my veins. The kills hadn’t taken away the screams. The
screams were in my head… his screams were in my head. Those loud screams. Then the quiet
screams. Then the silence.
The motherfucking silence.
Then I thought of his face. And I couldn’t touch him. When he needed me to touch him, I couldn’t.
Because I was evil. I had evil in my veins.
The flames. They needed to be out. They all needed to come out. Finally, all of them, once and for
all...
I staggered across the ditch. I dropped one knife to the ground, and tightened my grip on the other.
“Fuck! Flame! No, brother. Stop. Talk to me. What the fuck’s wrong? Talk to me!”
I lifted my head. AK… AK was there, he was talking to me, but the sound of the flames roaring
were filling my ears, burning me from the inside. I watched his mouth as I lifted my knife and slashed
it across my stomach. I hissed as I felt my flesh tear. I closed my eyes as I felt some of the flames
leach away. But I needed more. I needed them all gone. I couldn’t live with the screams in my head
anymore.
I slashed across my arm. I slashed across my chest. And the blood ran out. But the flames were still
inside, I could feel them under my skin. The screams were still inside. His cries, his screams were
still inside. Her screams. Her screams as he hurt her, as he beat her.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought of his little face. His little face screaming. His little hands
reaching for me. But I couldn’t touch him. I was evil. I had the devil in my blood. I would hurt him. I
would hurt him.
I registered movement. Red hair? Then I saw Vike. “Flame, stop. You’re gonna fuckin’ kill yourself!
I don’t wanna touch you, brother, but so help me God I will if you don’t fucking stop.”
‘No,” I snarled and backed off, my blade held in front of me. Vike stopped. He watched as me I
lifted my blade and slashed it across my abs.
But it wasn’t enough. They weren’t going away. None of it. My head was too full. It was all too full;
my chest, my veins, my head… all too full.
A hand suddenly knocked my blade from hand. I reached forward, but an arm grabbed me from
behind.
My body shook harder and harder as the arm curled around my throat. It squeezed and I roared. I
fought like fuck to shake free. But the hand was too strong. Another set of hands grabbed my arms. I
couldn’t move. I couldn’t fucking move! And now more hands were touching me. Touching my skin.
Stopping the flames from getting the fuck out.
“Get him in the fucking truck! We’ll take the bikes and dump the stiffs. I’m calling in Smiler, we
need more men out here. Fuck! Get him back to the compound before his psycho ass takes us all out!”
Black spots filled my eyes again as the arm around my neck blocked my breathing. The darkness
was coming, I couldn’t fucking stand the darkness.
“Fuck, Flame. What the fuck is happening?” someone shouted, but I was going under. I could feel the
blackness coming for me.
“What the hell went wrong, AK?”
“Fuck knows, but I think the day has arrived.”
“What day?”
“The day when Flame has fucking snapped once and for all.”
“Shit!” a voice yelled.
Then the darkness came, but the flames?
The flames and the fucking screams remained.
 Chapter Seven

Maddie

Viking burst through the trees that led from his cabin up to Mae and Styx’s house and my heart began
to race. Something had happened to Flame on his run. I knew it when he did not turn up at nightfall as
we had planned. And whatever it was had taken him away from me for two days.
Two long days.
And his best friends AK and Viking had been missing too. My nerves were in shreds wondering
what could have happened to him? And the way Viking had hurried, the way he had bolted into this
cabin just now, had sent a shiver of fear down my spine.
Suddenly, raised voices sounded from the living room directly below.
It was Viking. I recognized his voice.
I approached the shut door. My hand hovered over the doorknob, but I just stared. Fear held me in
its grip. But then Viking’s voice drifted up the stairs. His frantic voice… his distressed and upset
voice.
Flame, I thought, he was here about Flame.
Moving on instinct, my hand landed on the doorknob and I slipped through the door, a cacophony of
loud voices overwhelmed my senses.
Steeling my nerves, I slipped down the stairs. On the downstairs landing I slipped into the shadows.
There I waited and I listened.
“He’s fucking lost it this time, Styx. Fucking tapped out crazy. I don’t know what the fuck to do.
What’ll get through to him?”
I could see Viking pacing the room, Styx and Ky were sitting down listening to the running
commentary from Viking’s mouth. The rest of the Hangmen looked on, confusion and apprehension
etched on their features.
Viking, who looked tired and unkempt, was coated with dried blood on his shirt. He ran his hand
through his messy long red hair. “He just flipped, real bad. And for two days he hasn’t calmed.
Fuck!” Viking’s voice caught in his throat and a strangled moan slipped from his lips. “We had to
touch him, restrain him. And I swore to my brother that would never happen. The way his eyes looked
at me, like he couldn’t believe I’d betrayed him. FUCK!”
Ky sat forward. “Calm down, Vike. We need to fucking think.”
Viking choked on a humorless laugh. “Calm down? You ain’t seen him, man. I think… I think this
time we’ve lost him. I ain’t sure he’s gonna be right again. And I don’t know what set him off. I don’t
know what he saw to push him over the edge. Yeah, there was a shooting, but the brother’s been in
more shootouts than I can count. It was like he was seeing something in his fucked up head. Seeing
some memory in his head as fucking real.”
 Viking crouched to the floor and, hands on his head, said, “If me and AK can’t calm him the fuck
down, who the fuck can?” Viking hushed with a pained voice.
Silence filled the room. All the men were quiet, hurt, in emotional pain. Instead of fear seizing my
body, something inside me ignited. Flame’s face entered my mind and ushered my feet to move
forward. I walked slowly to assume a position in the debating group.
“Me,” I whispered loudly, as I emerged from the shadows. All of the men stared at me in obvious
disbelief, but I bit back all fear and offered, “Let me try. Let me try to calm Flame.”
I straightened my shoulders, meeting Styx's searching eyes. He did not move from his seat on the
sofa. Ky glanced to Styx, then looked to me. “Maddie, this is club business. You can’t be in here.”
I ignored Ky, and stepped one pace forward. Not once did I take my eyes off Styx. “Let me try. Let
me go to Flame.”
“Fuck,” Ky spat, but I could see in Styx’s calm eyes that he was thinking it through.
Turning to Viking, who was staring at me, mouth agape, I said, “Let me try. I… I feel I can help.”
“Maddie?” Mae’s voice calling from the hallway made stiffen. When I turned, she and Lilah were
standing side by side, their pretty faces masked in shock.
Mae glanced to her husband, then walked into the room. “Maddie. You cannot. Flame… Flame is
not well right now. He could hurt you.”
“He will not hurt me,” I bit back with complete conviction.
“He’s fucking tapped out, Madds. He ain’t the Flame you know.” I heard Ky, but I shook my head. It
was then that Viking stepped beside me. I flinched at his proximity, but refused to be swayed from
what I was determined to do.
“She’s right,” Viking rasped, my attention shot straight to his face. Viking was talking directly to
Styx. “Right now I reckon he’d murder any cunt in his path, AK and myself included. But this little
one,” Viking said, pointing at me. “I don’t know. Even as fucked and gone as he is right now, she may
be our only fucking hope.”
“No!” Mae shouted, when Styx began to sign something to the brothers. My heart pounded as loud as
a storm’s heavy rain hitting a window. I did not know what was being said, and from out of nowhere,
a surge of anger inflamed my very soul.
The brothers began arguing with each other. Mae was pleading with Styx to refuse my request. And I
shook with white-hot anger, incandescent at being ignored. I had been ignored enough in my life,
pushed aside, thought of as weak and unimportant.
Not now. Not today.
“Stop!” I shrilled over the volume of frantic voices, my voice strong and unyielding. Suddenly, the
room fell to into stunned silence. All eyes focused on me.
I fixed my eyes on Styx. “I do not need your permission. I am a grown woman, and I will not be
discussed as if I were a child.”
“Maddie—” Mae tried to soothe, but I stepped away from her open arms and shook my head.
“Enough!” Mae reared back in shock. “I am doing this.”
 “But, Sister, he is dangerous,” Lilah nervously spoke.
“We have been in greater danger than this in our lives, Lilah. And Flame saved me. Twice. If it is
my turn to be his savior, then I will happily step into the fire.”
I looked up at Viking and ordered, “Take me to Flame.”
Viking did not even look at Styx for permission, he simply led me out of the door. As I passed Mae,
she looked at Styx. “I am going with her.” I closed my eyes fighting back my anger. But as Mae fell in
step at my side, I found her presence reassuring.
I turned to Lilah who was standing to the side of the room, the tip of her thumb in her mouth. I
quickly walked over and quietly said, “I will be okay.”
Lilah’s blue eyes lowered. Taking my hand, she whispered, “Please, reconsider this, Maddie.
Leave it to the brothers. The thought of you being hurt, of being hurt by the only man you have never
feared fills me with dread.”
Squeezing Lilah’s hand, I said, “That is the beauty of freewill, Lilah. We choose our own actions.
Unlike in commune, here we get to be the masters of our fate. I will go to Flame. Whatever transpires,
transpires.”
“Maddie, I have heard things over the past two days about Flame. And from what I have heard
described, he sounds possessed. I fear he has evil running through his veins. The way he behaves, the
way he cuts himself. The darkness of his soul.”
I huffed incredulously. “And for years, sister, we—you, Mae, Bella and I—were viewed as
inherently evil because of our looks. We believed it. We never doubted the scripture that affirmed it
was so. I think perhaps, if you are told something often enough, you end up believing it. But maybe,
just maybe, someone comes into your life and makes you question yourself. Makes you believe you
are worth something.”
Lilah glanced away, then sighed in defeat. “Like Ky did with me?”
I nodded and added, “Like Flame does with me.”
Lilah gasped at my confession, then said, “But you have barely spoken to him. How can you think
that way?”
I smiled, remembering his wish to touch me on my face. Of his shaking hand hovering in the air, and
replied, “What are words? Sometimes the flick of a pair of eyes or the flush of skin reveals
everything you need to know. Words can wound. Silence can heal.”
A tear fell from Lilah’s eye. Her grip tightened. “Madd—”
“He needs me, Lilah. He saved me from Moses, from all of the men that had… had…”
“Shh…” Lilah soothed. Trying to rid our days in commune from my mind, I said, “I would no longer
be alive without him. Now it is my turn to repay in kind.”
Acquiescing to my unwavering resolve, Lilah pulled me into her chest. When she released me, Ky
was by our side. Lilah turned to Ky and placed her hand on his arm. Ky nodded without Lilah saying a
word. “I’m going with her, baby. Don’t worry.”
As Lilah pressed a kiss to Ky’s lips, I left the house. Mae, Styx and an anxious Viking, were waiting
for me outside. Ky then ran out of the door and joined our little party.
Viking looked at me. “You sure about this, Little One?”
A crippling nervousness suddenly possessed me, but I hid it as best I could. “Yes.”
Mae walked beside me, holding tight onto Styx’s hand. I could see the worry haunting her beautiful
face. When Styx released her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to
his chest, I felt guilty.
“I will be fine, Mae,” I said, as we broke through the line of trees and descended the grassy
embankment.
Mae was quiet, then she simply replied, “I know. You are you, Maddie. You are the bravest person
I know.”
This unexpected compliment almost made me falter in my steps. I found myself staring up at Mae.
She smiled. Her confidence in me made me feel ten feet tall.
Viking led us down the trail toward Flame, AK and Viking’s cluster of cabins. Agonized screams
suddenly erupted. My blood ran cold at the pained cries and tortured bellows coming from the cabins
at the bottom of the hill.
As soon as Viking heard the screams, he picked up speed and hurried ahead.
“Is that him?” Ky questioned in disbelief, as we tried to follow.
Viking ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. Shit!” he replied. The closer we got, the louder the
screams became. This time genuine fear seized my breath. I would have been sure, before this night,
that mankind was not capable of sounding so feral. But I was in no doubt that the Flame that I knew
was not the man uttering these sounds. This Flame was undone. This Flame was in agonized pain.
“My Lord,” I heard Mae murmur under her breath, but I kept my focus on the cabin. I forced my feet
to move. If I stopped, I was unsure if I could muster the courage to continue.
We broke through into the clearing with the three small cabins. Outside the cabin at the back, sitting
on its own, was AK. The man with long brown hair hunched over a table with his hands in his hair.
His clothes were heavily soiled with blood.
“AK,” Viking called. AK lifted his head. His dark eyes were bloodshot and his face was deathly
pale.
“He’s getting worse,” AK agonized, as he looked at his friend. “Every time I go in, he gets worse.
Fuck, man. I think this is it. I think we’ve fucking lost him to his fucked up head.”
AK’s graveled voice betrayed the depth of his sadness and grief. When a chilling yell came
slamming out of the front door of his cabin, AK got to his feet and put a hand on Viking’s huge arm.
Viking stilled, and with glassy eyes, AK nodded resolutely at Viking. Viking’s head dropped in
defeat.
Their exchange scared me more than anything had in my life. They had not spoken words. But
something meaningful had passed between them. Something in their taut bodies and pained
expressions was about to tear their worlds apart.
AK looked to Styx and Styx’s jaw clenched. He wrapped Mae into his chest tighter and kissed her
on her head. His eyes were closed, and his breathing sounded labored as it blew into Mae’s hair.
I watched each man in great detail, and I could feel the shift in them, feel the thick tension fill this
open clearing.
“I gotta see him,” Ky said, and stepped forward. Styx released Mae.
Reluctantly, Viking and AK stepped aside. Styx and Ky proceeded into the cabin. I flinched when
the volume of Flame’s anguish reached a deafening level.
Suddenly, Mae’s hand slipped through mine. I raised my eyes to see Mae intently watching the cabin
door.
Styx.
She was terrified for the wellbeing of her fiancé.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to reassure her that he would be okay. But the venomous cries
of Flame rendered me devoid of speech.
“Why’s she here, Vike?” AK said. I saw him nudge his chin at me.
Viking sighed. “Thought he may respond to her. It was her idea. Not mine.”
AK’s focus drifted deep into the woods. He shook his head. “Won’t work, brother. Nothing will.
The way he feels about the bitch ain’t gonna bring him back from this.”
My heart plummeted.
The cabin door opened. Styx and Ky slipped out. Their faces wore expressions of deep anguish as
they walked straight to Viking and AK. My eyes stayed glued to the men and their discussion. I edged
a little closer, Mae following behind.
“Fuck, I… I have fuck all to say to that shit in there,” Ky said, gruffly.
Styx signed something to AK and Viking. AK shook his head. “Not even then, Prez. He was in a bad
way, real fucked up from that fucking institution, but he wasn’t like this. Fuck, I served in the Middle
East and never saw anyone get lost in their head like this.”
Viking slumped into a chair. Ky put a hand on his shoulder. “Shit,” Viking rasped. “He asked us to
stop him, yeah, AK? This is what he wanted, right?”
AK crossed his arms over his broad chest and nodded. “Yeah, brother. He didn’t ever wanna live
like this. You know what he said to do if he ever went nuclear. If at any point he never came back out
of his fucked up head.”
Viking threw his head back and released a loud roar. His head forward fell again.
“I’ll do it,” AK announced.
My breathing paused and my hand immediately broke away from Mae’s. No, I thought to myself, my
heart racing with a darkness of dread. They could not be speaking of what I thought they were…
“Brother, he’s your best friend,” Ky said.
AK never lifted his haunted eyes from the ground. “That’s why I gotta do it. He trusted me. After
everything we’ve been through…” AK shook his head when he could no longer speak. “I found him. I
found him as a teen. I fucking got him out of that loony bin, the brother strapped down to that bed with
so much shit being pumped into his veins he was the fucking Walking Dead. He’s fucking been beside
me ever since. Nah, VP. I gotta do it. We started this shit together, I gotta be the one to end it.”
Sheer terror took over. I felt a hand on my arm as I stared at the cabin door, as I listened to the
screams behind the wood. “Maddie,” Mae whispered, sadness etched in her voice.
All I could see in my mind was Flame’s eyes watching me. And if… if… A sob hitched in my throat
when I thought of those eyes, drained of life. When I thought of them no longer standing guard beneath
my window. No longer watching my every move, whenever I was near.
No, AK could not take him from me. My soul would rip in two.
I needed him.
He needed me.
Clasping my lips together to silence a hurt cry, energy surged through my body. From the corner of
my eye I saw AK start to walk toward his own cabin to retrieve something. Mae had already joined
Styx and Ky next to Viking. Viking had buried his face in his hands.
But I was still near Flame’s cabin door.
The cabin door Styx and Ky had left closed but unlocked.
Instantly, I knew what I had to do.
Giving myself no time to change my mind, I lifted my long dress and sprinted to the door. My
labored breathing echoed in my ears as I ran. I reached the cabin door just as Mae’s voice screamed
my name. But I did not stop. I had to get inside.
Wrenching the cabin door open, I rushed inside, slamming it shut. With trembling hands, I snapped
the locks shut. I grabbed a nearby chair and jammed it under the doorknob.
“Maddie!” Mae shouted. “Open the door!”
Loud male voices followed suit, demanding to be let in. Resting my palms to the wood, as if
reinforcing the door, I shouted, “I will not let you hurt him. Please… just let me calm him down. Let
me calm his rage.”
As if on cue, Flame screamed out from behind me. My skin crawled in sympathy with the pain in the
sound. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.
I turned round.
My breathing was rough as I stood still, knowing I was facing the man I thought of constantly. Then I
flinched as another roar left his throat. I counted to three, then forced myself to open my eyes.
My back hit the door as I did so. My legs lost strength, and scalding tears sprung to my eyes. As I
slumped to the floor, a pair of tortured black eyes seared through mine, and I whispered, “Flame…
no…”
 Chapter Eight

Flame

I couldn’t stop the flames.

Men had tied me down.
I couldn’t get to my blades.
And he was in here with me. Even with my eyes open, I could see him. I could see him in my mind's
eye. I could hear his voice in my mind's ear. I couldn’t silence his voice. He called me sinner,
cussing about the evil in my blood. But I didn’t know what he wanted from me. Didn’t want to
remember that face when he shouted at me. Didn’t want to remember that cold dark place. Didn’t
want to remember his belt lashing my skin. But I couldn’t get to my blades to stop the memories... to
stop the memories fucking with my brain…
“He’s a fucking retard, Mary. He sits all day in his room, playing with that fucking Lego set.
Building and building, never showing happiness or joy or any-fucking-thing! He doesn’t speak,
doesn’t respond to anything I say. He doesn’t cry or laugh. Where's the fucking emotion?”
I cowered in the corner of the room, watching him scream at my mama. Her eyes were sad as she
stared at me. But she didn’t cry. My mama never laughed or screamed or cried anymore.
“Michael,” she begged. “Please, just leave him alone. He’s just not like other kids. But he’s
ours… he’s mine. I know he’s special. I can see it in how he thinks and behaves, but—”
“Special? He’s a damn retard!”
He was talking about me. He was angry with me, again. But I didn’t understand what I’d done to
make him so mad? I tried. I always tried to make him happy. But it never worked. He just got
madder. He just hurt me more and more. And I felt his disappoint deep inside me. I couldn't sleep,
and all the worry made my hands shake. I… I was so confused. I didn’t mean to make him mad. I
tried… I really, really tried.
He moved to the table where my mama was preparing food. He swiped out his arm and all the
dishes crashed to the floor. I put my hands over my ears when my baby brother began to cry. I
rocked on the floor, humming under my breath to block out the sounds. I hated the sound of
screaming. It hurt my ears. It made my chest hurt and my stomach feel bad.
But my hands covering my ears couldn’t block out the sounds—the crashes, my baby brother’s
screaming, his booming voice.
“I’ve spoken to Pastor Hughes. He believes the boy could have evil in his body. Hell’s flames
could be flowing in his veins. That’s why he acts like that. Why he acts retarded.”
I stopped rocking and held out my arms. I turned them over to inspect my veins. But I couldn’t
see any flames. My mind started to race. Evil? I had evil inside me? Flames ran in my veins?
Not wanting them inside me, I scratched at the veins in my wrist. I didn’t want flames inside me.
Maybe by taking the flames out of my blood, he would like me? Maybe I’d get to know what he
wanted from me?
Hearing the floorboard creak, I looked up. He had stepped forward. I stared at his face.
His skin had gotten paler. He and mama were both staring at me. Their eyes had gotten bigger.
Mama’s hand had lifted to her mouth. But his face was red, his mouth was tight. Something was
wrong, but I didn’t know what.
Without taking his eyes off me, he said, “You see, Mary? You see how he feels the fire under his
skin? See how he claws to get the flames out? The Pastor has warned us all of this in church. He’s
told us about the signs of evil in our kin.”
My fingers froze on my skin. I looked down and there was blood trickling from the vein. I felt my
chest relax knowing that I’d let some of the flames escape. I lifted up my wrist to show him. To
show him that the evil flames were leaving my body, just like he wanted.
But he stepped back, his mouth no longer tight. Instead his lips had parted. He turned to my
mama. “I’m calling Pastor Hughes. I’m taking him straight to church.”
My hands stopped moving when he mentioned church. I didn’t like that place. I didn’t like the
Pastor. I didn’t like the snakes they held. I didn’t like the drink that made their bodies thrash on
the floor.
Mama ran forward and took hold of his arm. “Please, Michael. Leave him be. Or,” my mama
took a deep breath, “or maybe we should take him to a doctor? Maybe this is more than we can
understand? Maybe this time we should get a real doctor to help us… to help him.”
He stopped dead, and his eyes narrowed on my mama’s arm. “A doctor? You know our faith,
Mary. You know we shun medical care. If we pray hard enough, if we’re pure and humble, God
will heal… if not…” He pushed my mama back until she hit the table in the room. Mama cried out
in pain, and my stomach rolled. He pointed in my face. “Then you end up like this. Riddled with
sin and evil and retardation!”
I flinched and curled down on the floor. He scared me.
I watched him reach for the car keys. Then he walked toward me.
But I didn’t want to go. I shuffled as far back into the corner as I could, all the time holding out
my arms.
He grabbed my wrists. He began pulling me from the corner, but I fought back. I kicked out my
legs, I hit out with my arms. He only squeezed my arms tighter. It hurt, but I kept on fighting to get
free.
“No! Please!” My mama cried from beside me. “He’s not evil. He’s not—”
But he threw back his hand and caught my mama across the face. “Get back! Get back and see to
your other son that’s crying. The son that, God-willing, will not be anything like this one!”
My mama stumbled back, then suddenly, he slapped my face. It hurt so much that I slumped to the
floor. He picked me up by the collar of my shirt, and put his face next to mine.
“There’s an evil living inside you boy. An evil I’m gonna make damn sure is exorcized. Make you
normal. Make you right. No more looking through me when I talk. No more weirding people out
when you walk into the room. Making us fucking embarrassed to have you as a son.”
He dragged me out of the house. I looked for Mama, but she was at the back of the kitchen,
nursing my baby brother. She looked to me as I passed, and tears were streaming down her eyes.
She never cried. Why was she crying?
“Mama!” I called out, but on a sob she turned her back.
He strapped me tight in the back seat of the car. I fought against the seatbelt. I didn’t want to go
to the church.
My head throbbed. Eventually I stopped moving. I couldn’t get out and he wasn’t letting me go.
Because I had evil inside me. Because I had flames flowing in my blood.
Lifting my fingers, I put them on my arms and began to dig in my nails. I thought of fire, of
flames. I thought of their colors—orange and yellow. I thought of their heat. But I couldn’t see
flames in the veins on my wrist. They looked normal. But they weren’t normal. He said that was
why I didn’t understand what people wanted from me. Because of the evil bringing the fire in my
blood.
I knew I was different. I knew I didn’t understand what people wanted from me. I knew I didn’t
react right to some of the things people said. That was why I didn’t speak to anyone anymore. It
was why I had no friends. It was why I didn’t answer people’s questions. Because I knew I
wouldn’t do it right. I wouldn’t know what answer to give. And people would get angry with me.
They would cry. They would walk away. They would leave me alone, and I wouldn’t understand
what I’d done wrong.
And some people would laugh at me—they were the worst. They would point, and laugh and call
me a 'retard'.
Then I would feel sad. Their words made me sad. And I wouldn’t sleep. I’d lay awake thinking of
their faces, their faces when they laughed.
The more I thought of the people’s reactions to me, the more I dug my nails into my flesh.
Glancing down, I saw blood begin to trickle from the vein. I hissed at the sting of pain my nails
brought, but then a warm feeling filled my body. Because the invisible flames, Hell’s fire living in
my body, was being released.
And he said that with the flames gone, I might be normal. I might be right.
The car came to a halt and I looked out of the window. We were on a quiet country road. At the
side of the road was a small white building—our church.
I struggled to breathe, my chest tightening, as I stared at the church. Then the door opened, and
Pastor Hughes walked out with Elder Paul. They were big men and they frightened me. They would
handle the snakes in the church. They would give people the poison to drink, to test their faith.
He got out of the car and I watched him approach the men. His hand ran over his head, then he
looked back at me and shook his head. I couldn’t hear what was being said. But he must have been
telling them about the flames in my blood. He would be telling them I had evil in me. Panicking, I
stared at my wrist. I scratched at the veins, digging my nails in. But my nails weren’t sharp
enough. They couldn’t get more blood out.
 Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him walking to the car. The Pastor and the Elder of the
church walked back inside the building. He opened the door next to me, undid my seatbelt and
took my arm. He didn’t speak as he dragged me out of the car. I held up my wrist to show him I
was trying to get the flames out. That I didn’t need the church, that I could do it myself. I could get
the flames out myself, if he would just let me try. But he just hit my wrist down, then struck me on
the back of my head. My eyes stung from the pain.
I swallowed hard when we arrived at the wooden door. I could hear the Pastor talking inside,
then he hauled me into the church.
We stood at the top of the aisle. Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul were at the altar. I could hear
rattling. I could hear hissing. My stomach dropped.
Snakes. They had the snakes.
He made to walk forward, pushing on my neck the whole time, but I planted my feet firmly on the
wooden floor and reached out to grab a pew. He stopped pulling, then moving in front of me,
backhanded my face. Pain exploded in my head. My hand ripped off the pew and I could taste
blood in my mouth. But I was scared; my blood contained evil and flames. I spat the blood on the
floor of the aisle, coughing so much that I vomited.
“Get him here, Michael.” Pastor Hughes’ voice called from the altar, as I tried to wipe the blood
and vomit from my mouth.
He hitched both hands under my arms and carried me down to the altar. I couldn’t fight this
time. I was tired. My head and face hurt from the pain of his blows.
“Put him on the table,” Pastor Hughes directed. Roughly, he placed me on the table.
“Take off his clothes.”
I wanted to cry out. I didn’t want them to remove my clothes. But he and Elder Paul began
stripping me. And it was cold. It was so cold.
I twisted my head from side to side, trying to escape, but I couldn’t get free from their strong
hands. Then, as my head rolled to the right, I froze. There was a snake. A snake in a clear box
beside me.
I felt my pants coming off, then he and Elder Paul held down my wrists and ankles. Pastor
Hughes walked to the clear box and opened the lid.
The rattling sound got louder and Pastor Hughes held up the snake. As he held it in his hands, he
said, “The snake is the incarnation of the devil. If your boy is faithful and pure, if he embraces the
Holy Spirit, the Lord shall protect him. But if evil runs in his blood, the snake will see and strike.”
My nostrils flared as I tried to breathe. Pastor Hughes was going to put the snake on me. I didn’t
want the snake on me. I didn’t want to be bit.
The hold on my wrists and arms tightened. I closed my eyes as the Pastor placed the snake on my
stomach. The rattling of the snake's tail got louder and louder in my ears. I could feel its cool
body begin to slither. Pastor Hughes began to pray, Elder Paul joining in. And so did he.
But I kept my eyes shut. I kept my eyes shut and hoped that the snake didn’t strike. Hoped that I
didn’t have the flames in my blood. That evil didn’t run in my veins.
 As the snake moved down my legs, I heard a loud hiss and a sharp pain sliced through my thigh.
I screamed out in pain, my teeth gritting together. Then, suddenly, the snake was taken from my
body. I could feel his hands shaking as he held down my wrists.
I opened my eyes, to see him staring at the wound on my leg. His eyes looked into mine. I didn’t
understand what his look meant. I was tired. I was in pain, and my eyes began to close.
But I could still hear voices. I could hear him, Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul talking.
“Something’s living within him, Michael. Something evil runs in his veins. An evil we must
exorcize.”
I heard his choked bellow. And all I could think was that there were flames in my blood. Flames I
had to get out. But they were holding me down. I couldn’t get to the flames. I needed to get them
out of my blood. Cut them out of my blood. But I couldn’t get free.
Darkness came and took me.
When I woke, I was in a dark room, dirt on the floor and walls. My head throbbed, my thighs
hurt, but I couldn’t feel half of my body.
Then I remembered…
And I could feel the flames. I could feel the flames under my skin. Flames I needed to get out.
I heard footsteps above me. Heavy footsteps. I could hear Mama crying, begging him not to do
something. I could hear my baby brother crying. His loud screams hurt my head.
The footsteps stopped right above me. My body began to shake. Suddenly, a hatch above me
opened, the bright light shining in where I was laid, making me flinch. Then he jumped down
beside me. He was holding a belt.
I looked into his eyes as he stepped forward. I remember the pain. Remember the pain, the
number eleven… and the flames… the invisible flames pouring out with my blood…
A wooden ceiling came back into view and I was in the light. But I was tied down. My wrists and
ankles were tied down. Men came in and out of a door to my left. Men that were going to hurt me.
Those same men…
They said things to me, but I couldn’t hear them over the screaming, over the sound of the flames in
my blood. I thrashed, needing the ties to be broken, when the door to my left opened again. It was one
of them. One of them that tied me down. One of the fuckers I wanted to kill.
The noises of screams, shouts and banging on doors were too much. Then I heard a voice call, “I
will not let you hurt him. Please… just let me calm him. Let me calm his rage.”
I froze, my arching back flattening on whatever I was laid. The sound of rushing blood whooshed
through my ears, but the person in the room with me now was new… the voice… their voice made the
screaming in my head stop…
I panted hard, my eyes staring at the ceiling. Then I heard a cry and my head turned to the side. The
floor. On the floor was a woman. A small woman, with her arms around her knees. My blurred eyes
blinked fast and I fought to see, my stomach clenching at who she could be.
Black hair… small body… her hands, small hands…
 Then I saw the eyes. Green eyes. The pulse in my wrist and neck raced on seeing those green eyes.
And the flames calmed. The fire was still there, burning under my muscles. Evil still infused my
body, but I could breathe. I panted. I sweated. But I could breathe. When I looked at her, I could
breathe.
But I was tired. And I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t fight anymore. I didn’t want to be like
this anymore.
I stared at the woman. She stared right back. My heartbeat slowed in my burning, raw chest. A tear
slipped down her face. I watched the tear trickle down her cheek, wondering why she was crying?
Then, no sooner than the flames had calmed, that feeling of the fire beginning to rebuild—to torture
me again—flooded back. The flames never stayed away for long.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Fighting the threatening darkness, I took a deep breath.
Seeing the woman freeze as she watched me, I opened my mouth and whispered, “Kill me…”
 Chapter Nine

Maddie

I could not believe what he looked like. Flame. My Flame. Broken, strapped by his ankles and wrists
to the small bed in the center of the room. His torso was bare and it was covered in blood. His skin
had been slashed. Everywhere. He had slash marks and scratch marks everywhere.
His legs were covered by his leather pants, but they were gashed, red bloodied skin peeking
through.
But it was his eyes… his beautiful dark eyes that had my soul in pain. His pupils were dilated so
they looked completely black. The whites of his eyes were the brightest red, many veins having burst.
And it was easy to see why. Heart-wrenching screams were pouring from his throat, his back arching
off the bed, his limbs stiff as though he was being burned from the inside.
My legs had given way at the shock of seeing him in this tortured state. And I had ended up on the
floor. The magnitude of what Viking and AK described was now glaring me in the face. Flame was in
such pain. More than I had ever witnessed before.
His head then spun to stare at me. And all his frantic, thrashing ceased. I held my breath, afraid to
make any sudden movements. And I waited for him to see me, to see it was really me, Maddie. The
young woman he ceaselessly guarded, but his eyes seemed to stare straight through me. Emotion
swelled up my throat. Without moving an inch, a tear fell down my cheek.
Catching a flicker of something in Flame’s haunted gaze, my heart leaped with hope. I edged
forward as his dried bruised lips opened, then it shattered into a million pieces.
“Kill me…” His voice was rasped, like he had swallowed tiny shards of glass. But his request had
sailed to my ears as loud as if it were a scream. The fingers on his hands became rigid and his back
began to arch.
“Kill me,” he growled again, harsher this time. I could see that whatever held him in its thrall was
regaining its strength. But there was no doubt about what Flame wanted. What he was begging me to
do.
The veins in his blood-covered arms tensed, the ribbons of hard muscles protruding from his torso
as his fists clenched. His body began to tremble.
Flame’s head began to twitch, his eyes glazing as his legs pulled on the ties strapping him down. A
pained cry burst from his lips; and I jumped to my feet unable to stand his pain. My chest was
cracking with every second that passed. This was not any way to live. But I could not kill him. I could
not...
When his dark eyes did fall upon me, I could see his silent plea. He no longer wanted to live in this
manner. He wanted to be free of his pain. Like I had, for so many years, he wanted to be free.
Choking down a sob, I stepped forward. Flame’s back arched and dropped, then arched and
dropped down to the sweat-soaked mattress beneath him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted more than
anything to put my hand on his arm, and to tell him he would be okay. I wanted to release his ties and
hold him in my arms.
But I could not. Our respective fears and barriers held me back. It was too much for me cope with
right now. I became suspended in the moment. But no one should exist like this; in so much hurt and
pain.
Only feet away from the bed, my hands shook so severely that I feared they would never stay calm
again.
My assessing gaze roved over the welts on his arms... and the blood. My eyes tracked north,
watching his skin jumping and his muscles twitching. Then finally, I reached those eyes. Eyes that
robbed me of breath. They were watching me. Flame’s hand suddenly reached out as far as the tie
would allow, and he whispered, “The flames. The flames are too hot. I can’t… I can’t stop them…
tied down… too much… kill me… please…”
“Flame,” I cried out on a sob. I shook my head. “I… I can’t… I—”
“Please…” The desperate timbre of his graveled voice cut into my soul, blistering my heart.
Flame’s head rolled to the side as another wave of pain racked his body. He had lost weight. His
skin was a deathly white and his eyes were raw with pain.
Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath. When I opened them, I glanced up. On the wall was a
strip of metal, magnetic metal holding rows and rows of knives. A roar spilled from Flame’s throat,
and I knew that any calm he had mustered had just waned.
Kill me… the flames are too hot… I mulled over his words and his plea. And I found my feet
slowly walking forward.
With each step a pit of sorrow burrowed further into my stomach. But my legs still carried me
forward. I came to a stop below the row of knives and retrieved the one I had seen him hold as he
paced beneath my window. It had a brown wooden handle. The blade was sharp, the steel so
polished that the dim light hanging from the ceiling glistened on it, casting a shadow on the floor.
The small bed creaked and Flame released a loud roar. I closed my eyes and flinched. On a deep
breath, I opened my eyes once more.
Steeling my nerves, I turned, just as Flame’s back bowed and his head writhed. Ensuring I had a
tight grip on the knife, I swallowed back the anxiety holding my body captive, and moved forward.
Hearing my movement, Flame snarled in my direction, but as his gaze fell on the knife in my hand, his
body froze. And then I saw it, the look of relief in his eyes as they beheld the blade. The blade
loosely held at my side.
Nostrils flaring, Flame tracked my movements until I came to a stop at his side. It was closer than I
had been to him in many months. This close, I could see every detail of his body. I could see all of
him, every scar, every cut, every bruise.
But I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. I had never looked at men. After what I had endured at the
hands of males, I could not think of them as handsome. I had given no thought to the matter at all. I
simply did not think like that. I had never felt butterflies in my stomach. I had never felt my heart
flutter, had never felt myself losing my very breath. When Lilah and Mae would talk of Ky and Styx,
when they would blush just describing their love’s faces, eyes, lips; I did not comprehend.
But standing here, over Flame, right now, staring at his anguished face—his sharp features: slightly
crooked nose, full lips, dark short beard, and those soulful eyes, those incredibly long black lashes—
a feeling previously unknown to me bloomed in my heart, filling me with light. With an incredible
heat. This close, I felt a tension spark between us. I felt something magnetic surge in the air.
I… I wanted him as my own. In this moment, seeing the man who had become the center of my
world, breaking, I wanted nothing more than to save him. To gift him the peace he so richly deserved,
even if it meant sacrificing my newly-awakened heart in the process.
On a loud hiss, Flame’s body stiffened. My grip tightened on the handle of the knife. It felt like a ton
weight in my hand, but I knew what I had to do. For Flame, I told myself, You must do this for
Flame.
Steadying my shaking grip, I raised the blade, leaving it suspended it in the air. I inhaled deeply,
then looked down at Flame. His beautiful eyes stalked me. With tears filling my eyes, I whispered,
“Flame… I know you are lost right now. But I want to save you. I want to save you as you have so
often saved me.” I swallowed the lump clogging my throat and continued. “I know you want eternal
peace, but… but… I cannot… I cannot take your life.”
Tears streamed from my eyes, but I lowered my mouth to a few inches from his ear. “I know the
flames torture you greatly. And I know you live with pain. I know you no longer want to live. I…” I
sniffed back my emotions as Flame became eerily still. “I have been there too. I have felt the urge to
fade, to never wake again. But then something happened to me. Someone happened to me… You.”
Flame’s erratic breathing blew against the hair falling over my face, but he didn’t move. His body
was completely and utterly still.
Rearing back slightly, I searched his glazed eyes and prayed to the Almighty that he was seeing me.
That he could hear my words. I itched to run my fingers through his hair, like I had seen Mae do to
Styx, but I held back.
“I have watched you, Flame. I have watched you as you have watched me. And I have seen you free
the flames. I have counted with you from my window as you have administered the slashes to your
flesh, releasing what you believe runs within you.” My legs began to shake as I lifted the knife, and
lined up the blade over his arm. “I will not take your life, but I will help you release the flames. I will
stay here with you, in this room, until you come back to me. Until my Flame breaks back through.”
I lowered the tip of the blade to a patch of unharmed skin on Flame’s forearm. Just before my throat
closed from what I was about to do, I hushed out, “I will not take your life, Flame, for it is far too
precious to lose.”
Bracing my hand, I pressed the sharp blade into Flame’s skin and dragged it along the flesh. As the
laceration surfaced and the blood began to flow, it was a balm to Flame’s torment. “One,” I
whispered aloud, unable to take my eyes off his face. Flame’s wide exhausted stare remained fixed
upon mine. But they became leaden, leaden with relief.
I struck again. “Two,” I continued to count, “three, four, five.” Flame’s body began to relax, his
straining arms and legs, under the heavy pull of the ties, stilled. I looked at his arm, now coated with
a fresh sheen of blood, and forced myself to continue. Everything inside of me screamed at me to stop
hurting him, but I knew I had to continue. I had to reach eleven.
 Repositioning the blade to his upper arm, I commenced the cutting. “Six, seven, eight, nine.” Nausea
built in my throat at having to slash him. I was unsure if I could keep going, when Flame’s arm
twitched, and I heard him voice quietly, “Ten.”
Flame’s dark eyes were now alert, watching me. Tears tumbled down my face. Flame inhaled a
labored breath, and rasped again, “Ten.”
Without moving my eyes from his, I sliced at his skin. Flame’s eyelids fluttered in relief as I said,
“Ten.”
Repositioning the blade, Flame’s chest expanded on an expectant breath. Cutting deep, I choked out,
“Eleven.”
As if a cool shower of water had extinguished the flames in his blood, Flame sagged back on the
bed, his stuttered breathing becoming even.
Instantly dropping the knife to the floor, I stared down at my hand, now spattered with Flame's
blood. I felt sick as I stared at the red liquid. Averting my gaze, it landed on Flame’s prone body. He
looked exhausted, his hands and feet now unmoving under the tight ties. But it was his face that
encouraged me to find a modicum of peace with what I had just done. His beautiful face, with its
features smooth and relaxed. And his eyes. His half-lidded eyes silently thanking me. I had
successfully battled the darkness that was consuming his soul.
For now.
Edging closer, I whispered, “Sleep, Flame. Rest. I shall be here when you wake.”
It did not take long for his eyes to close and for sleep to claim his exhausted mind. I fought back the
sudden urge to press a kiss to his cheek.
Flame’s wide chest rose and fell in a steady motion. But as Flame had found a temporary peace, I
found myself suddenly riddled with guilt.
What have I done? I thought, seeing the blood on my hands.
My feet carried me backwards, until I tripped over an object. The small horrendously untidy cabin
suddenly registered in my mind. There was barely any furniture, save for this small bed and a single
chair. No light. Nothing that made it a place of comfort. Flame’s things were everywhere; dust and
cobwebs covered the walls. The floor was cluttered with clothes and unwashed dishes, also what
looked like rags covered in blood. Except a small spot at the rear of the house. It looked like a
trapdoor in the floor. But the wooden trapdoor was covered in scratches, knife marks, and what
appeared to be dried blood. Then there was a bucket to the side.
It was all too much; way too much. Tears blinded my eyes, my chest constricted my lungs. I needed
air. I needed to breathe in fresh air, only while he slept.
Finding the door, I silently pulled the chair from under the doorknob and slipped through. As soon
as I hit the cold air, I sagged to the ground, and let the tears fall freely—right into my bloodied hands.
 Chapter Ten

Maddie

“Maddie!” Mae’s frantic voice cut through my grief. I blinked my eyes to rid them of my tears. Mae
dropped to crouch before me.
As my vision snapped back into clarity, I saw Mae reach out to clasp my hands. In surprise, she
ripped them back. “God… Maddie,” she hurriedly whispered, blood draining from her face. “What
has happened?”
Four large silhouettes suddenly blocked our light as they crowded over Mae to see me. “What the
fuck?” a deep voice proclaimed. I fluttered my eyes to meet the questioner.
Viking was looking at me strangely. His face was still as sad as before I had entered the cabin, but
now his blue eyes were transfixed.
My eyes lowered to take in my hands. I raised them up. They were shaking. They were shaking so
badly. Mae’s hand rubbed over my bent knee, as she asked, “Maddie? What happened? We heard
Flame screaming, then it all went quiet.”
Feeling the nerve-wracking might of five gazes, I sucked in a breath and quietly replied, “I cut him.
He wanted me to kill him… but… but I could not. I have to save him, like he did me.”
“He asked you to kill him?” someone asked in guttural tone, devastation dripping from each word. I
glanced up. AK had stepped forward. I nodded and he stepped back, his lips parting.
“What?” Ky exclaimed as he stared at his brother.
AK shook his head. “He talked to her. For two days we haven’t been able to get anything from him.
Not a fucking thing but him screaming and going psycho on the bed.”
My heartbeat leapt into a sprint at their words. Mae’s attention shifted from AK right back to me.
“Maddie. Did you hear that? You got through to him.”
I nodded, eyes wide. I felt Mae’s hand take mine, despite the blood. I repeated my words, “I had to
release the flames.”
Mae’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“You cut him?” Viking moved round Mae and crouched by her side. “You cut him with a blade,” he
pointed at my hands, “that’s why you have blood on your hands?”
“Yes. I… I cut him.”
A stunned silence met my confession. My stomach knotted with guilt, but I continued. “I did not want
to hurt him. But he was asking me to kill him. He said he could not take the flames anymore. That they
were getting too hot. He was in pain, he was begging me with his eyes…” I trailed off as a sob
spilled from my mouth.
“Shh…” Mae soothed as she moved to sit down on the ground beside me. Her arm came around my
shoulders and I fell into her warm embrace.
“I have watched him for months, Mae. I have seen how he fights his inner pain. I have seen how he
cuts his skin. I have seen how he does it. So I did what he does to himself. I cut him… I… I took the
blade and I cut him… I had to release the flames.”
My tears flowed like a river, self-disgust filling my body. Just as I thought I would not be able to fill
the pit in my stomach, Viking said, “You got that close?”
His question caught me off guard, immediately drying up my tears. Slowly lifting my head from
Mae’s shoulder, I met Viking’s shocked expression and nodded my head.
Viking’s head turned quickly to stare at AK. AK’s brow furrowed. “And why’s he quiet now?”
Clearing my throat, I answered, “He is sleeping. The cuts released the flames. He is resting.”
AK’s eyes widened and he turned away, walking toward the trees, running his fingers through his
long hair.
Sitting forward, I addressed Viking. “He needed to rest. But I told him I would stay. That I would be
nearby until he is free from this torture.” Ky ducked away and chased down AK. My heart was in my
mouth as Ky reached Flame’s best friend. Ky put his arm around AK’s shoulders, which immediately
sagged.
“We thought he was lost. We’ve tried everything for two days. But us in that room? It only made him
ten times fucking worse. I have no idea who he thought we were, but he sure as fuck wasn’t seeing it
was his brothers. We were ready to take him out, then you came, and in a matter of minutes you get
him to calm the fuck down, you get him to sleep,” Viking revealed.
His head dropped. He looked so sad. In fact, AK and Viking both looked utterly exhausted. My
stomach tightened when I realized just how much they loved Flame. They must have felt so helpless.
My fingers tensed at my side, then, drawing in a fortifying breath, I shyly reached out my hand, but at
last minute pulled it back. Viking's head shot up. He stared at me, then his lip hooked up at the corner,
giving me a whisper of a smile.
“I am staying with Flame.”
Viking released a long pent up breath.
“Maddie,” Mae cautiously offered, “No one expects you to stay. You have already helped Flame
beyond all of our expectations.”
In an instant my back straightened and I got to my feet. I glimpsed Styx, silently watching me, his
dark features tracking my every move. But I kept tight hold of my will.
“I am staying,” I emphasized.
Mae got to her feet. “Why, Maddie?”
I turned to my sister and said, “Because that is my Flame in there. And he needs me. No one else.
Me.”
“Your Flame?” she whispered, and her head tilted to the side.
I felt a blush coat my cheeks and I shrugged. “That is how I regard Flame. As mine. From the
moment I was able to touch him, and he touched me, I was claimed. I have been his this whole time.”
 Dusting off my long skirt, giving my anxious hands something to do, I asked Mae, “Please can you
bring us some food? Ingredients to make soup? And things to clean his cabin?”
Mae nodded numbly. Styx reached out and, wrapping an arm around her chest, pulled her flush
against his. His lips moved to her ear. He whispered something only the two of them could hear.
Mae’s eyes closed, but she sighed and nodded her head.
“I shall bring them down straight away Maddie,” Mae announced.
“Thank you.” Mae glanced to Ky, AK and Viking, then back to me. “Are you okay to stay here while
I get what you have asked for?”
I nodded my head.
Mae and Styx quickly disappeared into the woods, leaving me alone with the three men. I stood,
head down, playing with my hands, when Viking cleared his throat and spoke.
“You need to be direct when you speak to him.” Curious at that instruction, I raised my head, only to
see Ky and AK join Viking.
AK glanced at Viking, then focused on me. “He doesn’t get subtlety. If you want something from
him, ask him outright. Don’t hint at it, because he won’t understand. If you want to know what he’s
thinking, ask him. He might not tell you, the brother doesn’t say much, but he just might. And he’s shy,
real shy. He’ll struggle to be around you, to know how to act. But if you talk to him or look busy, it
chills him out. And fuck, if he gets out of this shitstorm he’s in, and he cuts himself, don’t stare. He
gets real self-conscious.”
“He doesn’t really show emotion either. If he’s happy, which honestly, I don’t think he’s ever been,
or if he’s sad, his face won’t change. But you’ll know if he’s angry. He can’t seem to contain that shit.
It eats him up when he’s angry. The flames… they burn more when he’s pissed,” Viking added.
I exhaled, not realizing that I had not breathed while they spoke to me. My hand lifted to press
against my forehead.
Viking ducked down from his impressive height to catch my eye. “You get that, Madds?”
I nodded my head, trying desperately to remember everything that had been offered, when I
tentatively asked, “Why… why is he like that?”
AK’s face tightened, a protective expression adorning his features. “Just the way he is, Maddie.
Flame’s different. But it don’t make him any less fucking important.”
“Look, Madds. Flame just thinks different to you and me. Probably some condition he’s got, that he
was born with. But he don’t know what that is, and honestly, even if I thought I knew what it could be,
it’s none of my fucking business. He’s Flame. He’s my fucking brother, condition or not.”
If the situation had been different, I would have smiled at how much they seemed to care for Flame.
Silence fell on the three of us after that, Viking and AK moving to sit on chairs outside another
cabin. Then my heart sank to my feet when I saw a third chair empty. In my mind’s eye I pictured the
three best friends sitting out here at night, before Flame came to stand guard below my window.
My eyes sought out the wooden door to Flame’s cabin. I wondered if Flame knew how loved he
was? I suspected strongly he did not. I imagined that whichever dark thoughts imprisoned him made it
impossible for him to see.
“You holding up, Madds?”
Whipping my head to the side, Ky was leaning up against the cabin, foot on the wall, cigarette in
hand. I nodded my head, and fixed my stare on the line of the trees, willing Mae to hurry up and
return.
“You sure ‘bout that?” Ky pushed.
“Yes,” I whispered and watched as Ky’s eyes narrowed their focus on me. He took a drag of his
cigarette, then exhaled a large puff of smoke. And watching him made me think of Lilah. Of their
journey. Lilah was so damaged. I was damaged. So damaged that I knew I would be alone for the rest
of my life. And I was content with that. Lilah had been too. Yet Ky won Lilah’s heart. As damaged as
she was, even after she hurt herself, after she scarred her face, he wanted her above all others. And he
secured her hand under God.
Ky did not move, his eyes stayed forward, but he asked, “Just ask it, Madds. Whatever’s on your
fucking mind.”
Feeling heat infuse my face at being caught, I plucked up the courage to ask, “You love Lilah,” I said
quietly.
Ky threw his cigarette to the ground, then turned to me, smiling his pretty smile. “That a question or
a statement, sugar?”
“A question,” I replied.
Ky’s smile faded and he nodded his head. “She’s my fucking life, Madds. I love that bitch to death.”
“Even though she is damaged? Even after what happened to us—, to her, at The Order? It is not too
much for you to cope with?”
Ky’s jaw clenched at the mention of The Order. For a moment I did not think he would answer.
Then, breathing deeply, Ky answered. “Not at all, Madds. Do I believe all the Jesus shit Li does? Not
one fucking bit. But that bitch had my heart when I first saw y’all crawling outta that cell. And yeah
she was damaged, didn’t think she was worth shit. But she always was to me. Same as Mae to Styx.
Those cunts at that cult nearly destroyed you bitches. That don’t mean you can’t heal. Look at Li now,
best fucking bitch on the damn planet. And I got her. She’s mine. Fucking damaged or not. And I’m the
luckiest SOB around.”
My throat thickened with emotion on hearing the conviction of his words. For the first time ever, I
felt myself wanting to know what it was like. What being wanted to the furthest extent would be like?
What being loved so fully, so deeply, would be like?
The cool wind wrapped in my hair, blowing it around my face, when suddenly Ky was before me.
He made sure I was looking into his blue eyes, when he stated, “He won’t care.”
I blinked in response, my forehead creasing, unsure what Ky meant. Then he pointed toward
Flame’s cabin. “Flame. He won’t care that you’ve been through shit. I don’t know his background,
fuck, even AK and Viking don’t know most of it. But he’s already gone for you, Madds. I ain’t gonna
lie, I don’t know what being gone for you looks like in that fucking messed up head of his, but that
brother in there fucking took a bullet for you. Ain’t gonna get more commitment than that. You feeling
me?”
My heart fluttered at Ky’s kind words, but just as I was about to thank him, Mae and Styx emerged
from the woods, Styx holding three bags.
When they came close, I reached my hands out and took the bags.
“Food, cleaning supplies. I also put together some dresses for you, other clean clothes. And your
sketchpad and pencils, so you can still draw. I know how much you love to draw.” Mae offered a
supportive smile. Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she warned, “Be careful.”
My heart swelled. “Thank you, sister.”
I gave Mae a small smile, then turned to face the door. I closed my eyes. Opening them, I quietly
turned the doorknob and stepped inside. Placing the bags on the floor, my eyes fell upon Flame still
lying on the bed.
I walked forward, my steps as quiet as the night until I came to a stop by his side. The sight of him,
bloodied and damaged, asking me to end his life of misery still cut me deeply. But sleeping, Flame
was… he was… perfect.
He was always a tortured soul. He was always pacing, muttering, or cutting. And seeing him like
this, so quiet and still. It broke my heart.
Lifting my hand, I hovered it over Flame’s face. And without making contact, I ran it over his
forehead, down his slightly crooked nose, over his full lips and through his beard. A smile tugged on
my lips as I continued running my hand just above his arm until I came to his hand. His hand was
upturned, showing me his palm.
Picturing the sketch from my drawing pad, I floated my hand directly over his. His hand was so
much bigger than mine. So much rougher, covered in tattoos of flames, piercings boasting silver metal
studs, and scars. My hand was small and pale in color, yet I had never in my life seen anything that
looked as perfect to me as this sight.
A moan slipped from Flame’s mouth and I stepped back, feeling the immediate loss of the image of
our enjoined hands, of being so close to the man I had chosen—no, needed to save.
Flame tried to turn over, but the ties on his hands and feet prevented him. Even in slumber, a
frustrated frown marred his forehead.
I warred with what to do. He wanted to be free, had begged me to set him free. I knew in my heart
that he would not, could not, hurt me.
Resolved, I moved to his bed, and careful not to touch his skin, set to the task of unthreading the ties.
When the last ripped piece of linen dropped to the floor, Flame’s body immediately folded in on
itself, curling into a small ball in the middle of his bed.
When I stepped back, I could not help but think that, lying like this, he appeared to be a small child.
So broken and afraid.
I stood there for several minutes, wondering what could have happened in his life to make him this
way. Then my eyes drifted around the rest of the small cabin, and I set to cleaning. I needed to help
him in some small way. And I could clean. I could not do much, but I could do that.
Everything was in disarray. The biggest culprit—bloodied rags, dried and littering the floor.
 I made quick work of picking up all the litter, then came to a standstill when I reached the only clear
area in the room, the only place not cluttered with things. Glancing down, there was a trapdoor built
into the floor. I bent down to inspect the scratches and dried blood staining the wood. I could smell
the bucket before I got to it, and unable to stand the smell, decided it would be the first thing I
cleaned.
A few hours later, the cabin was clean and tidy, and I was preparing the ingredients for soup. Just as
I had begun to chop the vegetables, an agonized cry cut through the cabin.
Dropping the chopping knife, I fled from the kitchen and ran into the open bedroom. Flame was
writhing on the bed, his fingernails raking at his arms. His back was arched, his body facing the side,
his hips rocking back and forth as though someone was behind him… as though…
My stomach dropped, caving into an empty pit at what the position of his body portrayed—Flame
pinned down, someone behind him, someone...
No…
And he was screaming in pain. Unable to stand what I assumed was happening in his head, I ran
round to the far side of the bed. Flame’s face was scrunched up in agony. His eyes squeezed shut as
he panted through his mouth. Then I looked down. He was excited. His manhood was erect and
pushing against the material of his leather pants. Yet as excited as he appeared to be, the pain on his
face, and the toe-curling tortured cries streaming from his mouth, told me he was anything but.
He was trapped.
He was trapped in his mind.
Reaching the head of the bed, I stood back and called out, “Flame!” His body thrashed still, so I
inched closer. “Flame!” I tried again, but the cries from his lips were coming stronger, drowning out
my voice.
Rushing to the very edge of the bed, I lowered my head and cried out “Flame!” for the third time.
This time Flame’s body bowed, his eyes snapped open, and on a loud roar, he leapt from the bed,
his large hands landing on my arms. Flame’s huge strength pushed me backwards, until my back
slammed against the wall, knocking the air from my lungs.
His fingers dug into my arms bringing tears to my eyes. I looked up to find his black eyes boring
holes into mine. This was not the Flame I knew. This was killer. The Hangman with the blades.
With gritted teeth and a low growl of rage, his calloused hands began to move toward north. My
stomach shredded when I realized he was going for my throat. He was going to choke me.
He meant to kill.
Closing my eyes, I tried to think of what would calm him down. But his hands had reached my
shoulders. I racked my brain, searching for an answer, when all I could think of was what calmed me.
My entire body shook with fear, but I managed to inhale a deep enough breath to desperately sing,
“This little… light of mine, I’m… gonna let it shine. This little light… of mine, I’m gonna… let it
shine. This little light of… mine, I’m gonna… let it shine. Let it… shine, let it shine… let it
shine…”
Flame’s hands stilled on the side of my neck as the words trailed off to a complete stop. His
breathing was strained, the warm crackled puffs of air flowing over my face. I was frozen to the spot.
But then his hands began to shake profusely, and as I forced myself to open my eyes, I was faced with
two lost inky pools staring at me in confusion. I held my breath, as Flame’s eyes rapidly flitted from
side to side. And then I saw it, a flicker of recognition jolting him from the darkness possessing his
mind.
On a shocked hiss, Flame staggered backwards until he crashed against the far wall and he slumped
to the floor. His hands lifted in front of his face, and he stared at them as if he could not believe what
he had just done.
His hands lowered.
His lips shook.
And as those tired dark eyes filled back up with life, he paused in breathing, then whispered,
“Maddie…?”
 Chapter Eleven

Flame

I was in the Punishment Cellar and he’d come for me. I was in the darkness; I’d been there for a long
time…
Above me I heard the hatch open. He jumped in beside me, the pale light from above making it
easy for me to see the blade in his hands.
He stank of alcohol. And I could hear him breathing heavily. I heard him unbuckle his belt. I
closed my eyes when he began to walk toward me. This time he didn’t give instruction, he just
turned me round, removed my pants, spread my legs, and pushed against me.
I gritted my teeth when the pain came. My fingernails scraped against the walls, as I tried not to
cry out. Then came the blade, scraping down my back. I felt the blood begin to pour; I felt better.
It still hurt, but he was freeing me from the flames, from the evil within. He said he was taking the
evil from my flesh.
He grunted in my ear and his breath washed over my face. It stank of the alcohol he always
drank. It made me feel sick. But I couldn’t be sick or he would get angry.
Then he moved faster. It hurt more and more. My hands trembled against the wall, but he didn’t
stop. He kept on pushing harder, the blade slicing along my skin, freeing the flames. Then he
dropped the blade and his hands gripped my hips, fingers digging in deep. I hated him touching
me. I had evil in my veins, and it took her from us. He’d told me it was why she was gone—because
of my touch. That the flames within me infected her, making her think evil thoughts… making her
do that sinful thing that left us alone together.
I tried to breathe. I tried to open my mouth, to tell him not to touch me or he would be infected
too, but he slammed into me one more time, shouting in my ear as he pressed me against the wall.
I waited for him to move, not wanting his chest to touch my back. He staggered back and I
dropped to the floor. I glanced round. I could see him standing, looking down at me. His fists were
clenched. Automatically, I covered my head with my arms. He normally hit me. He would get angry
after he took me, saying it was needed for my soul.
Suddenly, he spit at me, the wetness hitting my cheek. “You evil fucking retard!” he snapped, and
kicked out his foot, hitting me on the leg. “It’s your fault she’s gone. She couldn’t stand that she’d
created you.”
My heart hurt at his words, feeling like something was cracking inside. I hadn’t wanted her to
go. I loved her, she was kind to me. I didn’t want to have the flames in my blood. But I couldn’t get
them out. I tried to scratch them out. But no matter how much blood fell to the ground, I could still
feel the flames underneath my skin. Burning fire scalding my flesh.
Then my baby brother began to scream. I hated his screaming. It hurt my head. I lifted my hands
to put over my ears.
 “Fuck!” he shouted, then pushed open the door to the house and climbed out, slamming it shut to
leave me trapped inside. “Shut your mouth you little cunt!” he roared at my brother. But my
brother just screamed all the more.
I rocked on the spot, humming to try to block out the sounds. But I could still hear the screams, I
couldn’t block them out. Dropping my hands, I held out my arm and clawed at my skin. I had to get
the flames out. If I got out all the flames he would love me. And he wouldn’t shout at the baby. And
the baby would stop screaming.
So I clawed at my skin.
I clawed until I felt blood running down my arms.
Until I could feel the flames coming out…
“Flame?”
I gasped for breath and opened my eyes. My hands were on my head and I was rocking against the
wall. But there was that voice again…
Maddie. The voice belonged to Maddie.
“Flame? Talk to me.” Maddie insisted. Then I remembered my hands on her skin. On her arms… on
her neck.
“No!” I was going to hurt her, then… This little light of mine, I’m gonna shine…
I recognized her voice. I heard her voice. In the darkness, I heard her voice. My eyes stung when I
heard that voice in my head… when I heard her sing.
“Flame?” Her voice was closer now.
I could hear footsteps on the floor, but my head was full. I could hear screaming, I could hear the
baby screaming. But I couldn’t touch him. And she’d gone. Because of me.
Then he’d come to me, night after night…
“Flame, look at me.” Unable to do anything else, I looked up and blinked away the water blocking
my sight, the images fogging my mind. They cleared when I saw her. When I saw her green eyes.
But when I looked behind her, I could see him walking forward. Anger ripped through my chest. He
couldn’t hurt her. He couldn’t touch her, like he did me. I could see his eyes on her.
I had to make him go. He had to go.
My hands pushed off the wood beneath me and his attention snapped to me.
“Flame?” Maddie whispered, as she scurried backwards.
“No!” I shouted. She was moving nearer him. And he was removing his belt. My heart dropped
when I saw his hands undoing his belt.
I staggered across my cabin. I needed to get to the hatch. I needed to save her. She’d been hurt
enough. I couldn’t let him hurt her too.
My hands dropped to the button on my leathers and I hurried to undo it. But my hands were weak,
my body wasn’t reacting right. When I looked behind me, he was following. I pulled my leathers
down and off my feet, and heard his voice. “I’m gonna take the sin from your body, from your flesh,
boy.” I sat down over the door, my chest hunched forward as I lowered my hand to touch my cock. It
was hard. I was ready for him. Ready for his pain.
Looking around me, I searched for the knife. It was lying beside me. Picking it up, with him
towering over me, I moved my hand on my cock, stroking back and forth. The blade of the knife struck
at my flesh and I counted. “One…”
He stood behind me, his chest pushing against my back. I could feel him pushing inside. The pain
always felt like it was too much, but I needed it. He’d made me need it.
I counted on.
Something moved before me, and I looked up, my heart beating too fast. Maddie before me, her hand
over her mouth.
I worked my hand harder, needing to come. When I came, he left. Then he would leave Maddie
alone. He pushed his cock against me harder. Striking the blade across my stomach, I screamed
“Eleven!” and came on the hatch. The vomit came quicker this time. In seconds I leaned over the
bucket at my side and emptied my stomach. But nothing came up. My head pounded and my vision
became hazy when I pulled back.
Unable to remain sitting I fell over to lie on the hatch. Then I heard heavy footsteps walking away. I
knew he was leaving the cabin. But I knew he’d be back… at least he was gone for now. I breathed as
deeply as I could manage, but the skin across my chest stung, making it difficult.
A sniffing sound made me freeze. Blinking, I looked up at Maddie. She had dropped to her knees
and now, she was just a few feet away. Then I felt an ache in my chest when I saw tears falling from
her eyes. Her bottom lip was trembling and her hands were clutched in her lap.
“Flame,” she whispered when she saw me watching her. “Why did you do that to yourself?”
I wanted to move closer to her, but my body was too weak. I was so tired. Maddie shuffled closer,
until she was almost at my side. She wiped at her cheeks, then asked, “Answer me, Flame. Why did
you just hurt yourself?”
My mouth felt sore, my lips barely able to move, but Maddie had asked me a question and I wanted
to answer. “He came for me. To release the flames, the evil. I saw him behind you, so I had to protect
you. I… I had to protect you.”
Maddie stilled. I saw her throat swallow. “Who came for you?”
I thought of the man in my head—dark eyes and dark hair. “Him,” I replied, my skin crawling at his
image in my head.
Maddie frowned still. “And he comes for you? To do… that?” she asked, her voice catching slightly
as she spoke.
I nodded my head, then I laid my cheek to the floor. I was tired.
Maddie eyes dropped to stare at her hands. I stayed watching her. Her long black hair was touching
the floor as she sat down. It was my favorite part of her. Except for her green eyes. And her small
hands. I always thought of her small hands.
“I like your hair,” I said as I stared. Maddie’s green eyes lifted. A blush coated her cheeks and my
stomach tightened at the sight. Every time I looked at her, my stomach clenched. And when her eyes
looked at me like they were doing right now, my heart always raced. The pulse in my neck always
beat faster.
“Thank you,” she whispered, and I caught her full lips hook up at the side. It made her look even
more beautiful than I already thought she was.
The room became silent. Maddie took a deep breath and told me, “I like your hands.”
A feeling of heat suddenly filled my body. But it wasn’t the flames. This felt different. My muscles
weren’t burning. My skin wasn’t crawling. It felt… strange…
… I frowned. Maddie had liked something on me? No one had ever liked me. No one had ever
commented on how I looked. I forced my hand to move. It felt like a dead weight underneath me, but I
pushed it out until it lay flat on the floor in front of me. I studied the colored tattooed skin, flames
covering the entire thing.
“Why?” I croaked, and glanced up to still find Maddie watching me. “Why do you like my hand?”
The blush on her face deepened. But her eyes were watching my hand as it lay on the floor.
Suddenly, Maddie moved. She began to lie down, mirroring my position. My heart fired off like a
cannon, when she lowered her head and pressed her cheek to the floor. Like this, she was looking
directly into my eyes.
“Is… is this okay?” she whispered.
I nodded my head and replied, “Yeah. Just…” I tried to hold back my panic, and said, “Just don’t
come near this hatch. Don’t… don’t touch me.”
“I will not,” Maddie confirmed quietly. The hand resting near her head inched forward in my
direction. I stopped breathing as I thought she was going to touch me. But her hand stopped about an
inch from mine.
I wondered what she was doing, when she said, “I like how your hand looks next to mine. It is so
big and mine is so small. Yet I feel they look compatible.”
I focused on our hands and noticed that my hand was bigger than hers. Maddie’s little finger then
extended, landing right next to mine. I thought of ripping my hand away, but something stopped me. I
didn’t want her to touch me, because I didn’t want her to be hurt. My touch only ever caused people to
be hurt. But I left my hand where it was, our little fingers staring at each other.
“I sometimes imagine what our hands would look like... touching. What they would look like with
our fingers intertwined. I wonder if it would make me smile. At times I daydream that it would be
something we could do.”
Maddie’s voice was so quiet as she spoke. I couldn’t take my eyes off our hands. I tried to picture in
my head what she described. I saw her hand reaching out for mine, but then I thought of how it would
make me feel, and I shook my head.
“Our hands can’t ever touch. I can’t… I couldn’t do it.”
Maddie’s lips pulled into a half smile, but water filled her eyes and her voice hitched.
“Why are your eyes filling with water? Why is your voice breaking?” I asked, confused. I had to
understand what she was thinking. What she was feeling. I didn’t know, and I had to.
 “I am sad, Flame. It makes me sad to know that we can never touch.”
The muscles in my stomach pulled tight with the knowledge that I’d made her sad. Then that warm
feeling I’d felt cooled and I no longer felt good. “I don’t want to make you sad. Not you. I just can’t
be touched. It makes the flames worse. I can’t touch you.”
“It is okay, Flame,” Maddie said in response. She looked up at me and added, “Because I cannot be
touched by a man either. But I dream about it regardless.”
I took a deep breath as I looked around my cabin. It was different. My things had been moved. It was
clean. And… Maddie? No one ever came inside. But Maddie was inside now. And she wasn’t
running away. No one ever wanted to stay.
They always left.
I was always here alone.
“Why’re you in here, Maddie?”
Maddie’s body tensed, as she replied, “You have not been well and I came to try and make you
better.” Her head tilted to the side and she asked, “Do you not remember?”
I tried to search my mind, but all I could hear were screams and shouts. I could hear bullets. Then I
could feel people tying me down.
“I don’t remember. I just woke up to you. Woke up tired but seeing him standing behind you. And I
had to save you.”
Maddie stared at our hands and whispered, “You always save me.”
“I have to.”
Maddie stopped breathing, then asked, “Why?”
I searched my head for the answer, then said, “Because I think about you all the time. You look at
me in a way no one else does. I think about what those men in that fucking cult did to you, and I can’t
stand it. I need to make sure no one touches you like that again. And…” I sucked in a breath seeing an
image in my head.
“And what?” Maddie asked.
“And you touched me,” I hushed out. In my head I saw her wrap her arms around my waist in that
commune. “And I touched you back. And you weren’t hurt by me. The flames didn’t burn too hot
under my skin at your touch and make my head full of noise.”
“And I did not fear you,” she replied. “I fear a man’s touch. I find it abhorrent. But not yours. I
wanted to embrace you that day. I needed to. Even if we cannot ever embrace again.”
My chest tightened as she told me she didn’t fear me. She wasn’t scared of me.
I tried to lift my head, but I couldn’t find the strength. And I was cold. I was so cold. My eyes began
to close, but I didn’t want to sleep. I thought of him in my sleep. It hurt when I slept. I wanted to stay
here with Maddie. I needed to stay awake.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice forced my eyes to open. “You need to drink. You are dehydrated.
Severely dehydrated.” I watched her as she got to her feet. My body twitched, bracing to stand when I
thought she was leaving, but she just walked to the kitchen and filled up a glass with water.
 Maddie brought it over to me and sat down. “Can you lift your head?”
I forced my head to lift. Carefully, Maddie brought the glass to my lips. And I stared at her the
whole time. I drank the entire glass and Maddie placed it beside her.
“You should sleep,” she said soothingly, but my body twitched. Maddie jumped at my sudden
movement, her eyes widening. “What is wrong?”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Maddie took a deep breath, and she blushed again.
“Why do you blush at things I say?” I asked, as her cheeks turned pink. I had to fight to breathe at the
sight. It made my heart beat harder.
Maddie dipped her head. “Because I like what you say. It makes me feel… I do not know… special,
when I am with you? It…” She held her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I feel it right here.”
“You are special to me,” I answered honestly.
Maddie glanced away, then when she stared down at me again, she was smiling. I liked it when she
smiled. She didn’t smile much at all.
“I will stay, Flame. While you sleep, I shall stay.” She stood and walked to my bed. It had been
moved into the middle of the bedroom. I watched her pull off the linen, linen covered in blood, and
leave it by the door. She looked around, then asked, “Where do you keep the linen for the bed? I will
dress the bed so you can sleep on clean sheets.”
“I sleep here,” I said. Maddie cautiously walked forward. Her forehead was pulled down again.
“You sleep on this floor?” she asked quietly. “Over this hatch?” Her voice had lost strength.
“Yeah.”
“Every night?”
“Yeah,” I answered again.
“Without linen or bedding? Just you on this floor?”
“Yeah.”
Her face straightened and turning, she said, “Okay.”
Maddie moved to the only chair in the room and pulled the old blanket off the top. She walked back
to me and held it out. “May I cover you with this? Your skin is shivering because you are exhausted.
You need to be warm.”
“I’m always cold when I sleep,” I told her. Maddie’s hand tightened into fists on the blanket. “I’ve
always slept in the cold.”
“There is no need.” Her words confused me. I tried to find an answer for why I should be cold, but I
couldn’t. I’d always been cold in my room as a kid, and then in the cellar. But I couldn’t think why I
had to be cold right now.
Maddie moved to stand above me, and said, “Use this blanket, for me? Please…”
I nodded my head, and braced for the material on my body. Maddie laid it over me, but she didn’t
touch me.
The blanket felt strange on my skin. Another new feeling burst into my stomach. Maddie was the
first person ever to want me to be warm. The first person to ever care since my mama.
I tracked Maddie as she stood still, her back turned to me. Her fingers were tense, but then she
turned and looked down upon me. The expression on her face was new. I thought I knew her every
look but, in this one, her lips were tense and her shoulders were pulled back. Then she lay on the
floor in front of me again, her hand landing just an inch from mine.
Her cheek pressed flat to the wood. “Sleep, Flame. I will not leave you. I will stay right here until
you are awake.”
My eyes began to close, darkness pulling me under. But the last thing I saw was Maddie’s green
eyes, still staring at me. And even when the dark closed in, the darkness that I hated, her eyes shone
bright. They chased away the pain.
 Chapter Twelve

Maddie

He slept soundly.
He barely moved. The only movement was of his chest rising and falling with deep and peaceful
long breaths. This lulling sound helped me relax, but each time my eyes drifted to a close, all I could
see was Flame rocking against the wall, hands on head as he hummed.
I was convinced that he was not even aware he was humming. It seemed to me that he was trying to
block something out of his mind. I sat frozen in fear at what it could be, when his eyes lifted to look at
me. Yet they did not see me. He focused on something behind me. Something that caused his face to
turn ashen, his eyes to bleed out life.
I squeezed my eyes shut when I remembered him staggering over to this hatch in the floor, and how
he fought to remove his leather pants and… Lord… to touch himself. Roughly, painfully, and at the
same time slicing his blade across his flesh eleven times. His entire body was covered with tattoos.
Every part of him pierced. Every so often my eyes would catch sight of a strange scar, boasting two
raised lumps. I had no idea how one could acquire such injuries.
And he found release on the floor, his back hunched forward. But not like he was in a pleasurable
rapture, rather he was so pained by the manner of his release that it caused his body to expel his seed.
Then there was the vomit.
I remembered the vomit. I remembered it well. Because after Moses would take me as a child.
When he would tie me down, rip through my womanhood and take me to rid my body of evil, I would
vomit. It was part of the course. My shame, expelling the shame the act had caused.
I thought of Flame on the bed, his back arching like someone was penetrating him from behind. It
dawned on me that we shared more in common that I had previously thought. Though, I was sure, what
was done to Flame was far worse.
I thought of him talking to me. And in the quickest of turns, my heart fluttered. As I lay on this floor, I
struggled to suppress the smile forming on my lips.
I like your hair…
Such a simple truth, yet one that sang to my heart. Because I was sure Flame did not offer
compliments. Viking had told me Flame was shy and that he did not understand the subtlety of human
emotions. The more we spoke, the more I could see for myself that he struggled to understand my
emotions. His dark eyes would narrow on mine when I assumed my expression was changing. But he
could not read me. Yet he felt comfortable enough with me to ask why I shed tears. Why I blushed.
Some may find it abrupt, the way he spoke, and question why such simple understandings did not
come to him as easily as they did to others. But I found it to be a most amazing transgression. Men, in
my experience, generally had no qualms about using falsehoods for their personal gain. But with
Flame, I knew he would not lie. He could not lie. That made me feel so unbelievably safe. And to me,
feeling safe was the most important thing in my life.
The cabin was dark. I knew that hours and hours must have passed. I wondered if AK and Viking
remained outside, keeping watch. I suspected that they were. I knew I should tell them that Flame
seemed to have subdued whatever had held him in its clutches. But I refused to move. Flame was still
not back. Right now he was broken down by dehydration and his inner demons. His skin was still raw
and he needed lots of care.
And, selfishly, I wanted to be left alone with him. I did not know how long we could stay in this
existence—just the two of us—however I did not want it to end for a while.
Feeling my eyelids flutter down, the last thing I saw before I drifted to sleep was my hand, just a
fraction from touching his.

*****

The sound of birds outside the cabin called me from sleep. Opening my eyes, my body jerked at the
sight of an unfamiliar room, then clashed with a familiar face. Intense dark eyes stared at mine.
We stayed that way, laying in silence, until I took a deep breath and spoke a nervous, “Hello.”
Flame’s eyes blinked; once, twice, three times. Then his dry lips parted and he replied, “You
stayed.”
The expression on his face had not changed but the tone of his voice expressed disbelief. “I told you
I would.”
A sigh slipped from between his lips.
“How did you sleep?” I asked, glad to see that beneath the dried blood and dirt on his face, color
had returned to his cheeks.
“I slept?” he asked. I frowned at his question. He waited patiently for my answer.
“Yes, Flame. You slept.”
“For how long?” This time his already broken voice was raspy.
I glanced up out of the covered window of kitchen, letting in the beginnings of the day. “Hours.
Maybe seven or eight? I do not know precisely.”
Flame’s breathing increased and his nostrils flared. I quickly sat up as his muscles tensed. I feared
he was slipping back into the darkness, back into the pit of hell he was in when strapped to the bed.
Instead his lost eyes sought out mine, and he whispered, “I never sleep. I always want to. But I never
can. There’s always too much in my head.” Flame’s weak hand lifted and tapped at his head.
I feared my heart had torn straight down the center when I heard these gutting words. Flame
swallowed. When he was still the same Flame from last night, the Flame who talked to me so
sweetly, I relaxed and lay back on the floor. Flame’s tense body relaxed too.
“You never sleep? At night, you do not sleep?”
 Flame exhaled. He held out a bruised arm for me to inspect. He pointed to his wrist. “The flames.
They keep me awake. They run though my blood. And they burn. When I sleep, they wake me and he
is always here to release them. So I stay awake.”
Flame’s eyebrows pulled down. “I don’t feel the flames now.” He dropped his hovering arm near
my leg. “I don’t feel the flames when you’re near. Somehow, you calm the flames.”
My throat closed up. I swore I could feel my heart aching. I shuffled to lie on my front, mere inches
from where he lay. I saw Flame’s body tense, but he did not protest our proximity. His hands balled
into fists, but he did not speak.
When I saw his fingers lose their rigidity, I said, “I rarely sleep either. Yet, here, on this cold hard
floor…” I ducked my head feeling my cheeks heat searching for words, then whispered, “with you.
Beside you, I did not wake once.”
Flame searched my face. “Your cheeks are blushing again. That means you liked it. You told me you
blushed when you liked something. That I’d just made you feel special.” His lips rubbed together, and
I could see his mind turning over. “You liked sleeping next to me. Because it made you feel special.”
A smile crept on my lips. I fought the need to shy away. “Yes.”
Flame hissed through his teeth and, releasing a long breath, said. “I liked it too.”
On hearing his answer, my finger traced along the wood patterns on the floor, but inside my feelings
were joyful. Warm and… happy…
Silence ensued for several minutes. My hands remained tracing the wood on the floor, but I could
feel Flame watching me. When I eventually lifted my eyes, my cheeks heated anew.
As the light grew brighter outside, I noticed that Flame’s blanket had bunched at his legs. And in this
light, I saw the true extent of his injuries, the open gashes on his skin, the dried blood and dirt that he
needed to remove.
“Flame?”
Flame, still fighting his exhaustion, struggled to look up at me. For a moment I had to stop myself
from reaching out my hand and touching his face. His expression, as he stared up at me from his place
on the floor, was so innocent, so lost, I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and tell him
he was safe. Safe with me.
Flame waited for me to speak, his large dark eyes blinking slowly. Clearing my throat, I pointed to
the bathroom. “You need to cleanse. You will heal better if you are free from the blood covering your
skin.”
Flame looked down at his arms and frowned.
“I shall run a bath for you,” I said, as I got to my feet.
“It has to be cold,” he stated firmly.
I stopped dead and I looked back over my shoulder. “Okay.”
I went to move again, when he instructed, “The coldest it can be. No hot water.”
I dropped my head, fighting sadness and wonderment at why it had to be that way. “Flame—”
“I need it to cool the flames, Maddie. I can’t fucking have it any other way.”
 “As you wish,” I replied, and entered the bathroom. When I had cleaned the day before it had taken
me a while to find the towels. They were in a closet that I knew had never been opened. I suspected
he did not use them.
Moving to the large tub, I began running the faucet: cold tap only. I ran my hand under the flowing
water and flinched at the icy coldness. I did not know how he could stand it. I did not know how
sitting in this temperature would feel good. But then my heart dropped when I knew that was the very
reason.
It would inflict pain. He would suffer more pain. My eyes squeezed shut at the thought of him sitting
here nightly, forcing his body to sustain such a frigid temperature, to calm the flames he believed so
desperately tormented him.
Out of nowhere, a fierce anger surged through me. I was angry at the man who made Flame think this
way. And I was angry at how no one had ever told him he was not evil. That he was so much more.
Leaving the tub to fill, I made my way back to the main room. Flame had turned over, his front now
facing the direction of the bathroom. My heart swelled when those black eyes landed on me and he
exhaled in relief.
“It is filling up.” I pointed to the kitchen and said, “I am going to make us some food. You have to
eat to restore your strength.”
Flame's blank expression gave nothing of his feelings away, then he said, “I am so tired. My body
feels weak. I fucking hate feeling like this.”
“I know. But we will get you better. We will make you strong again.”
“We?” he questioned.
I edged in the kitchen, but looked back to say. “Yes. We. I am here to care for you. I am here to help
you feel better.” I watched him watch me and asked, “Do you understand?”
Flame nodded, his bearded cheek rubbing against the hardwood, and he said, “You’re to stay here
with me. Until I’m well.” I smiled as I made to prepare food, when he added, “My Maddie.” My heart
soared at the reverence in his rough voice, and hot tears stung my eyes.
He was calling me his. Claiming my heart as I had already claimed his.
The silence was heavy as it clung in the air, and without turning back, I whispered, “My Flame.”
I caught his sharp inhale of breath. But I kept my eyes fixed forward. I did not have the courage to
face him. I feared I would break if I did.
I quickly busied myself with chopping the vegetables I had not reached yesterday and brought the
water in the pan to a boil.
Cooking helped me keep my head clear. It helped me focus.
As the vegetables began to boil, I walked into the bathroom and stopped the faucet. Dipping my
hand in the tub, I automatically wrenched it straight back out. It was freezing.
Suddenly, a sound from behind me made me flinch. I reared back to see Flame gripping the
doorframe. His huge body was staggering forward, his teeth gritting together as he forced his
weakened legs to walk, one slow step at a time.
 And he was naked. Naked but for the dried blood coating his body.
I focused on his eyes, but when he stumbled forward, his legs giving out, I reached out to catch him.
Flame’s eyes widened as I rushed forward.
“NO!” he shouted harshly, the force of his bellow freezing me mid-movement.
Flame panted with exertion, until he reached the bath and his hands gripped the edge. I moved to run
past when he said brokenly, “I can’t… I can’t be touched. I can’t stand it, Maddie.”
My heart broke. “I know,” I replied, and promptly left the room.
Entering the small kitchen I pressed both hands on the countertop and took a deep breath. My hands
trembled at the shock of Flame’s resistance to my touch. Then I shook my head in disbelief. I was
going to touch him. And it had not repulsed me. He had need of my help, and my body had reacted
accordingly.
Taking in a deep breath, I moved back from the counter. I heard a pained groan coming from the
bathroom. Heart still trembling, I stepped backwards and looked inside. Flame was inside the tub.
His body was arched and he was shaking profusely. But he was bathing. He was forcing himself to
endure the pain.
I could not watch.
Checking the soup was fine, I let my gaze wander around the small cabin, my eyes landing on the
large open fire at the end of the room. There were logs and a flint at the side, and a box of matches on
the mantle.
The room was cold, the winter’s day chilling the air. But more than that, Flame’s body was already
suffering with fatigue, persevering with the ice cold bath would only make things worse.
In minutes the fire was lit, flames beginning to climb. The sound of the firewood crackling, and the
smell of soup boiling on the stove, immediately made me feel calm. Then I glanced behind me to the
hatch in the floor. The one stained with Flame’s dried blood and seed. I wondered why he had to
sleep there? Why it was so important to him?
The sound of sloshing water pulled me from my thoughts. Flame would be coming out soon. My
cheeks heated when I thought of his naked body. And that if I was correct, he would reject the towel I
had left out for him.
I thought of how he normally dressed and found myself in front a small closet near his bedroom.
Opening the door, the only things hanging in there were a few pairs of leathers. Choosing one, I
headed back to the bathroom and, still seeing Flame in the bath, placed them on the floor.
I then moved back to the fire, and sank to the floor.
And I patiently waited for Flame to appear.
 Chapter Thirteen

Flame

I’d shouted at her. And she’d left.

I moved my fingers over my arm to dig my fingernails into the veins as I always did in the tub, but as
I focused on my skin, I couldn’t feel the flames. Instead all I could think of was where Maddie was.
Was she standing in the kitchen? All I could see were green eyes looking up at me through her long
lashes, with cheeks blushing.
I liked her cheeks blushing. Because it meant she liked what I had said to her. It made her feel
special.
Because she was special to me. She was everything. She was all I thought about, day and night. I
had to be underneath her window just to be near her. And now she was in my cabin. My Maddie was
in here, with me, now. Caring for me. She said she would care for me. No one had ever cared for me
before.
Putting my hands on the side of the tub I forced myself to get out. My arms shook as I held my
weight, but I managed to put my feet on the floor, skin stinging from the slashes. From the cold.
I stood with my head down waiting to dry. I saw a towel in the corner, that Maddie must have put
out. But I never touched them. Instead I forced my wet skin to face the cold.
I ran my hand down my face and I closed my eyes. I was so fucking tired.
When I was dry, I went to move out of the door when I saw a pair of leathers on the floor. I stared at
those leathers and my heart pumped hard.
Maddie. Maddie again.
I had to sit on the side of the tub to put them on, but I managed to push them over my legs, my teeth
gritting together as the tight material scraped against my new slashes. But the pain reminded me what
lived within me. Why Maddie could never get too close.
Planting my hands on the doorframe, I walked through into the living room and found Maddie sitting
near a lit fire. The room was warm. This room was never warm.
Maddie’s tiny body was sitting on the floor, back facing me. But when I approached, her head
whipped round and her mouth parted.
My stomach tightened. She looked so perfect sitting by the fire. Her black hair was hanging down
one side of her body, but in the flames her green eyes were bright.
“Flame…” she whispered and her eyes dropped to looked over my body. My legs felt weak, my
body feeling too heavy. I needed to sit down.
Using the wall, I staggered forward, until I sat opposite Maddie and slumped to the floor.
Maddie sat up straight and asked, “Do you feel better?”
 My skin felt tight and numb from the cold. And the flames had calmed—I felt better. I nodded my
head, and Maddie’s eyes narrowed. “You look cold.” I didn’t respond, and inching closer, her long
dress dragging on the floor, she said, “Are you cold, Flame?”
“Yeah.”
“But you must bathe like that to stop the flames in your blood?”
“Yeah.”
Maddie sighed, and rose to her feet. “I have made you soup. You need to eat to regain your
strength.”
I watched her go into the kitchen and put soup in a bowl. Then she brought it back to me and placed
it by my side. But my arms felt too heavy to move, to pick it up, the warmth from the fire causing my
freezing muscles to tingle with pain. Like shards of glass were scraping across my skin.
“Flame?” She sat before me, at my feet and pointed at the bowl. “Are you hungry?”
“Yeah,” I rasped and looked to the bowl, but I could barely move my arms. My fingers bent, and
then straightened as I tried to move my arms. I stared at my hands wanting them to move, but I was too
tired.
Then Maddie, without saying a word, shuffled to my side and lifted the bowl. Her eyes were wide
as she looked at me, and then the bowl. Her expression had changed, but I wasn’t sure what was
wrong.
“What are you feeling?” I asked. Maddie froze.
Dropping her gaze, she stirred the spoon in the bowl and said, “It feels… it feels nice being this
close to you.” Her lip curled at the side and she added, “And you are clean. I can see your skin.” She
looked up at me through her long lashes and shrugged. “You are you again. You look… like my
Flame.”
My body tensed. “Your Flame?” I asked, making sure I watched her face closely. I didn’t want to
ever look away. I wanted to see her say it again.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Like this, without the blood on your skin, you are my Flame, again.”
Maddie stirred the spoon again and said, “Can I feed you?”
“Yeah,” I replied and braced for her to move closer.
Maddie shuffled on her knees but she stopped just inches from my legs and said, “I will not touch
you. I would never give you cause to distrust me like that.”
I relaxed, and a second later Maddie lifted the spoon to my mouth. The hot soup hit my tongue and I
groaned. Viking normally made me my food. I didn’t know how to cook anything. But it never tasted
like this.
Maddie was silent as she fed me the soup. My empty stomach suddenly felt full as the hot liquid ran
down my throat.
And I watched her. I watched as she was calm at first, but the more I studied her, the more her hand
began to shake. When the last of the soup was gone, she dropped the spoon to the bowl, and lowered
her head.
 I frowned.
Maddie’s small chest lifted with her breathing, but it was getting faster and faster. “Thank you,” I
said. Maddie’s head snapped up.
“What for?”
“The soup,” I replied and her head lowered again. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t looking me in
the eye.
“Maddie—”
“Do you believe that I am a sinner, Flame? Do you look at me and believe that the devil created me
to tempt men?”
Instant anger raged through my veins at her question. My jaw clenched as I shook my head. “Fuck
no,” I growled, my hands coming back to life as the flames that ran under my skin began to ignite.
Maddie placed the bowl down on the floor. “All of my life I was cast aside, along with my sisters. I
was paraded through the commune as a child and the people were told by the elders that I was evil.
That my looks; my hair, my skin, my eyes… my body, were perfectly crafted by the devil to tempt men
to do evil things.”
I focused on breathing through my nostrils, to keep calm. But I was losing my shit. I couldn’t get the
image of that fucked up commune from my head. Of that cunt Moses holding Maddie’s hand, that little
hand that was mine, as people looked at her and hated her.
Maddie’s eyes held mine, and she quietly asked, “Do you think me beautiful, Flame?”
My heart slammed in my chest. “Yeah. The most beautiful,” I answered.
Maddie nodded, blushed, then asked, “Do you think I am evil?”
Unable to contain my anger, my hand fisted and I hit out at the empty bowl. It crashed along the floor
and smashed apart.
Maddie stiffened, but inhaling a deep breath, she continued to speak. “Neither do I… now. But for
years I believed it to be true, and I would question all of the time why God had singled me out, to
spite me. Because I did not feel evil. And my sisters,” Maddie’s voice cracked and her eyes filled
with water, “my sisters, to me, were not evil. They were perfect. Yet all of commune despised us.
They would spit upon us as we walked by. And they would recite passages of deliverance to us,
trying to rid the devil from our souls.”
Maddie’s hands, in her lap, trembled. “Then I turned six and my life went from being one of fear and
loathing, to being one of pain and utter self-hatred. On my sixth birthday, Brother Moses came to take
me away at eight in the morning.” She huffed a humorless laugh. “The birds had been singing outside,
and I remember that it was incredibly hot. There was not a cloud in the perfectly blue sky. It truly was
the most perfect of days… a day that ended in darkness. I did not know it then, but it would be the day
to change it all.”
Maddie quickly wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye, and feeling all of her pain, my skin
crawled.
“He took me, Flame. He took me in ways I do not think I will ever be able to divulge, as saying
them aloud makes me feel it all over again. He did things I did not know were even possible. And
every time he did, I believed more and more that I was a Cursed Woman of Eve. I believed I was
inherently evil.”
Maddie shook her shoulders and took a deep breath. I stayed transfixed. I stayed transfixed on her
pretty eyes. “And then Mae left. I had returned from a Lord’s Sharing to find Lilah sitting alone in our
quarters. And she was crying. Mae had gone. But not only that, I found out that my elder sister, Bella,
had been killed by Brother Gabriel for refusing his advances. It was why Mae ran. I remember
praying with Lilah, the two of us believing that God was punishing us. Taking us one by one. I lived
in fear for days. The Disciple Guards could not find Mae, and it drove them to such anger that it
terrified me.”
Maddie’s breathing changed, the knuckles on her hands became white. The color had drained from
her face, and with unfocused eyes, she said, “That was when they all came for me. All four elders.
They believed my bloodline was tainted. That my blood ran with nothing but sin and evil. The
bloodline I shared with Bella and Mae.”
I sucked in a breath, my body now shaking. But I couldn’t move to get my blade. My body was
rooted to the fucking floor by Maddie’s words. Turning my hand, I curled my fingers and dug in my
nails.
Maddie’s eyes slammed down to watch as I began to count under my breath. But she carried on.
“I wanted to die, Flame. I no longer wanted to live. I remember thinking I would have accepted
eternal damnation than to live like that. I could no longer bear to be touched. I hated men. All they had
ever done was hurt me.” Maddie paused, then leaned forward.
I stilled.
“Then Mae returned, and following close behind was her love. Her love and his friends. When I
saw the men all lined up as Mae brought Lilah and I from the cell, I had never felt such fear before.
The men all appeared different to what I was used to. Then when I looked to the ground, I saw slain
elders. The men who had just spent months sexually exorcising evil from my blood. Yet the man that
grieved me most was not there. I found out from Mae’s love that another had been slain in the trees.
And for the first time in my life, a sinful thought crossed my mind. Because I prayed that it was
Brother Moses. I prayed to God that he had paid with his life for the years he had caused me pain.
“I ran into the woods, then I saw him. I saw him impaled against the tree. I saw the four long blades
keeping him in place. I saw the blood pouring from his mouth. I saw his dark lifeless eyes staring into
nothing… and I remember breathing. I remember standing there, staring at my torturer, my own living
demon, and I breathed. I smelled the fresh air. I could smell the flowers. I heard the birds singing in
the trees. At that moment I realized that I was alive. For all those years, I had not been living.”
I listened to Maddie talk and saw that blush coat her cheeks again. I wondered why, then she spoke,
and I knew.
“I walked back to the clearing where I had left Mae and Lilah. I felt all the men looking at me, but I
had one task. One burning question: who was my liberator? Which man had freed me?” I noticed
Maddie’s hands had stopped shaking. And when I glanced back up, she was looking at me with a new
expression. I didn’t understand why, but it made me feel good.
“And it was a man at the end of the line. A man who was covered in colorful drawings, and pierced
with metal. And he had blades attached to his leather pants. I remember standing before him. He was
so tall and I had to tip my head backwards just to see his eyes, his eyes that were so dark they
appeared black. And I asked him if he had killed the man in the trees. He answered yes, he gave me a
straight truthful answer that held no shame, and I knew right there, that he was my savior. He had slain
the man who had ruined my life.”
I saw it all in my head. Everything she said, I saw in my mind. Because I lived it every day. I saw it
in my head all day every day. Maddie standing before me. Her green eyes staring into mine. The first
person to ever stop the flames.
“And as all the barriers around my heart crumbled to dust, I held him. For the first time in my life I
held a man, I embraced him. I felt his hot skin against my cheek, and I felt his heart race in his chest.
And then a miracle occurred—he held me back. A man. A man held me, and I felt no desire to throw
him off me. Because this man had saved me.” Maddie paused, eyes unflinching. “The man they called
Flame.”
I breathed in and out, in and out, but Maddie’s eyes didn’t look away. She refused to let me go, and I
couldn’t move.
“I held you, and you held me.” Her hands moved and gestured down her body. “And your touch did
not harm me. The flames you believe run in your veins, did not engulf me. Instead, you gave me life.
You gave me back my light.” Another tear fell down her cheek, and she whispered, “You, Flame. My
Flame. My tortured boy. You gave me life and light.”
“Maddie,” I said and heard my own voice. It was broken and it was rough, but inside. Inside, I
felt… quiet. I didn’t feel anything.
My eyes dropped down to my arm. My fingernails on my skin had frozen. I hadn’t finished my
counts. I hadn’t drawn blood. I blinked and blinked again, my body sagging with tiredness and
confusion.
“I know you feel there are flames in your blood. I know you believe there is evil within you. But I
am here to fight those beliefs. Because I think, like Brother Moses did to me, someone made you
believe these truths. And you may never tell me who or why. I may never know why you sleep on the
floor. I may never know why you slash your arms eleven times, but I know that you are not evil,
Flame. How can you be evil when you ignite such hope in me?”
“I do?” I croaked.
“Every night you arrive below my window. And every day when I feel those dark eyes of yours
watching me with a blinding intensity.”
I closed my eyes and my arms fell to my side. The heat in my veins was gone. With Maddie by my
side, I didn’t want to cut. I didn’t need to spill blood.
“Sleep, Flame. You are tired.”
The heat from the fire warmed my skin and I wanted to sleep. I wanted to get stronger, because then
I could be closer to Maddie. I could hear more of her voice, taste more of her food. And listen to her
sing.
As my head lay on the hardwood floor, my skin warm and clean, I looked up at Maddie who was
beside me and asked, “Sing again. Sing for me again.”
 Maddie blushed and my lip twitched. She’d liked that I’d asked her. As the fire crackled, and my
skin warmed, I heard her begin to sing…
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…”
And the flames let me sleep.
 Chapter Fourteen

Prophet Cain
New Zion Commune

“So the hit on the Hangmen drop off was a success?”

I looked across the table at Judah and his face lit up. Sitting forward, with his hands on the tabletop,
he replied, “More than a success. The Chechens bowed out when they lost their man. Then as we
hoped, they turned straight to the Klan for business. Which means we have another buyer. And this is
just the beginning.”
“And fatalities?” I asked.
Judah sat back and shrugged. “Minimum. The Chechen’s dead. A woman was hit. She survived
though.”
Brother Luke shifted on his seat. “The men the Klan hired were killed.” He paled and shook his
head. “Murdered, and tortured, about twenty miles north of Georgetown. One of the Hangmen caught
them and tore them apart with a knife.”
My stomach sank, as a familiar face flashed in my mind. “Flame,” I murmured. “The brother is
deadly with a knife.”
“He’s the devil’s man. They all are,” Judah spat. I could hear the venom in his voice. “All of them
will pay eventually. It is just a matter of time.”
I nodded, then looked to my brother and my adviser. “Is there anything else?”
They both nodded, but flashing a look to Judah, Brother Luke stood awkwardly and left the room. I
suddenly found myself alone with Judah in the office. Judah sighed and got to his feet. “What is
wrong, Cain? You have been quiet recently.”
I glanced outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows and sank farther into my seat. “I do not know. I
feel 'off'. I feel like I can never get a sermon correct. I feel like our people are losing faith in me. And
I feel like the battle that must be waged with the Hangmen is impossible. One Chechen contract does
not seem like enough.” I stared at Judah and said, “I lived with the Hangmen for five years. I know
how far their reach goes, and I know how many contracts they have. One Chechen deal is like hitting a
lion with a plastic arrow—it will anger them, but it will not kill. In fact, it is the person shooting the
arrow who stands to be torn apart.”
Judah walked beside me and laid his hand on my shoulder. “But we have the Lord on our side. And
the Lord’s message lives within you.”
“I have yet to receive a message from God. Uncle David received them directly. God spoke to him
as you do me now, but I myself have had no word, no contact.”
“It will come,” Judah soothed. “You are new, the commune is still being developed. God will speak
to you when we are ready to receive a commandment.”
Running a hand down my face, I forced a smile. “You’re right.”
“Judah’s wide smile was infectious. Then he stepped backwards. “Come, I have something that will
make you happy.”
I got to my feet and followed Judah into the living room. A stack of DVD cases were piled up on the
coffee table standing before the sofa’s. Judah motioned for me to sit. I did as he asked.
Judah walked into the hallway and came back with a TV on a cart. I frowned. “Judah, what is this?
You know we shun technology.”
He stopped and said, “Then how else am I to show you these. And the Lord would not disapprove,
it is right that you see these videos. You need to relax more and stop over-thinking your duties. Jesus
had Mary Magdalene to soothe him when his message and ministry became too much, you need
someone to do the same.”
An image of Mae immediately sprung to mind, and for once, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to
remember her black hair, her pale skin and those ice blue eyes that would smile at me when they lay
upon me.
I remembered us sitting on the sofa in my room, her head laying on my shoulder as she slept. I had
never felt anything like it before. Or since. I was convinced no one else would ever measure up.
The feeling of the sofa dipping beside me snapped me from my thoughts. Judah sat beside me. He
was holding the remote in his hands, the TV screen was fuzzy, waiting to show me whatever Judah
had brought.
“What is this, brother?” I asked. Judah’s happy grin spread back on his face.
“Your choices,” Judah answered cryptically, and pressed ‘play’ on the remote. At first I did not
know what I was looking at, it was outside, somewhere in the commune. The amateur-looking tape
then cut to a cream wall, perhaps the wall of the people’s accommodations?
I motioned to Judah with my hand, about to ask him to explain what this was, when suddenly the
image of child came onto the screen. She couldn’t have been more than eight years old. But that
wasn’t what had me fighting back nausea. No, it belonged to the fact that she was naked, but for
flowered garlands in her hair. And she was dancing. Dancing to some tinny sounding seductive music
playing in the background. And she was shaking. Her tiny body was shaking as a voice—that I
recognized as Brother Luke’s—told her to dance for her Prophet. The girl tried to move to the beat,
but fear made her movements jerky and out of time.
My chest tightened so much that it rendered me unable to speak. Then Judah elbowed me in my side.
I glanced to my left to see my brother watching the screen, his teeth grazing over his bottom lip.
He was a stranger to me at that moment.
“What do you think, brother? You could take her as a wife, or a consort. She is about to reach the
age of her awakening.
“Her awakening?” I questioned.
Judah nodded his head and paused the video, the frozen screenshot landing on the little girl’s face.
Her terrified face, her eyes wide and face pale.
 “Brother Luke has taught me all about Uncle David’s ways. And one is a female’s awakening. The
day she becomes a woman in the eyes of our faith, a vessel for our men’s celestial meditations.”
This time vomit did creep to my throat, but I pushed it down to rasp. “There is nothing of that in our
scriptures.”
“Our uncle talked of new revelations by the Lord in his sermons to the people. Not everything was
recorded officially, just in his private letters, therefore it did not reach us in Utah.” Judah sat forward,
excitement radiating from his body. “There is so much we did not know. So much I am learning from
Brother Luke, and the other disciples. The Lord has blessed us with much, Cain. More than I ever
expected.”
Judah flicked on the screen and that awful music began playing, but I could not look up.
“If the last was not to your pleasing, there are many more. How about this one?” I looked up to see
an older girl, more developed, dancing seductively. And unlike the small child, her eyes were
confident, her bare body moving slowly to the beat. She could not have been more than fourteen.
Fourteen.
A child.
Judah began flicking through the DVD, tens and tens of naked children dancing for the camera. And
the more images came on the screen, the more excited Judah became. I could see him shift on his seat
as his eyes bored into the screen.
I closed my eyes as I tried to calm my heart, when suddenly, a conversation held with Mae shot into
my brain. When I had tried to make her stay with me in commune. The fear on her face should have
made me believe her, but I thought that she was lying, wanting to return to Styx… but what if…
“Have you ever been part of a Lord’s sharing? Have you ever seen an eight-year-old girl raped,
her legs pried apart by a bear trap because she was too scared to understand what was happening
to her? Have you ever forced yourself inside a child, Cain, because you believe it will help you get
closer to God and because the prophet deemed it so? Well, have you?”
I froze.
“Well?” Mae pushed.
“Did that happen to you? Here?” I asked, the thought of Mae being taken as a child causing me
to see red. “Mae! Answer me! Were you… taken as a child… like… that?”
Mae’s eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head. “Are you telling me you have never been
in a brother-sister exchange?” she asked again, this time in disbelief.
I dropped my head, unable to meet her eyes. “I am the heir. I remain pure,” I informed. I had
been locked away my whole life. I had no real idea what happened at the commune, under my
Uncle’s rule…
Anger infused my muscles, and as Judah elbowed me again to look at that damn screen, I jumped to
my feet and screamed, “FUCK!”
My hands raked through my long hair and Judah got to his feet. At the movement I stared him down.
“What the fuck is this, Judah? They are kids! Tiny kids and teenagers dancing for me to choose? You
think I want a kid? You think I want to fuck a kid?”
 Judah’s face blanked at my outburst, as I forced myself to calm down. Taking a deep breath, I
walked to the screen and switched off the TV. The silence that filled the room was deafening. I could
hear the harsh sounds of my breathing. Finally, gaining some composure, I faced Judah.
“You think this is okay? To rape children at age eight?”
Judah’s eyebrows pulled down in confusion. “It is the Lord’s will.”
I shook my head. “I do not think that the Lord willed children to be taken this way, brother. It’s
barbaric!”
Then shock filled my every cell when Judah’s jaw clenched and his face hardened. “Older men
married young women in the bible. This isn’t news to you, brother.”
Squaring my shoulders, I stepped forward and said, “Have you taken a child in the Lord’s Sharing? I
know you attend them, but have you done… that?”
Judah tipped his chin, showing an heir of pride. “I have already schooled four through their
awakenings.”
Feeling as though I had been punched in my stomach, I whispered, “No…”
“In fact,” Judah said boldly, “I have already picked a child to be my next consort when she is of age.
She is so beautiful, so beautiful that for a while I feared she was another Cursed. But I am quite sure
she is not.”
I stared at my brother, and for the first time in our lives I disliked him. I knew Judah was becoming
enraptured with this life, and I knew he was growing closer to Brother Luke. But I did not realize just
how close. I did not realize that the areas of my leadership Judah controlled were indulging in child
rape.
“And your recent consort,” I asked, my voice breaking with a mix of anger and disgust. “How old is
she?”
Judah glared at me, his brown eyes heated. “She is of age by our people’s standards, Cain. Do not
concern yourself with that.”
“I wish to meet her,” I instructed, and Judah’s heated eyes flared.
“In time, brother,” he announced in return.
Our gazes stayed locked, a war of wills, when eventually I lowered my eyes and waved my hand.
“Take the videos and the TV, and leave. I wish to be alone.”
Judah tensed, but did as I asked. I walked to the open fire, and stared into the flames, listening to
him packing everything away. As I heard him wheeling the TV out of the room, I suddenly asked,
“When you tried Delilah, the Cursed, did you adhere to our scripture? Were her punishments in
accord with what we preach?”
Judah’s responding silence caused me to lift my head and seek him out. He was staring at me, face
impassive. Then seeing me watching, he smiled and said, “Of course, brother. It was all by the book.”
As Judah left the room, I exhaled in relief that what Phebe had said about his treatment of Delilah
was wrong. Then the returning nausea slammed in my gut thinking of those videos.
My back hit the wall. I slumped down until I hit the floor. The practice disgusted me, was totally
abhorrent, but according to Judah it was my people’s way. It was a revealed message from the Lord
to my uncle. Closing my eyes I sent a prayer to the Lord to send me a message, to council me on what
to do. Then I thought of Mae again, and her words. And I now knew she had not lied. No. She had
been taken as a child, her innocence stolen by a brother of The Order.
She hadn’t lied to me at all.
 Chapter Fifteen

Maddie
Three days later…

Pressing my pencil to the edge of the paper, I pulled it back and took a long deep breath. It was
perfect. This picture, this picture of us embracing, how I dreamed we could one day be, was straight
from my mind. It was poured onto the page from my soul.
It was utterly perfect to me.
Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at the sketch. It was a war inside my heart. On one hand I
wanted what it showed with every inch of my being, but on the other, it scared me more than anything
else on Earth ever could.
Because over the last three days my thoughts towards Flame had changed. They had intensified. And
I was thinking things I thought would never enter my head. Sleeping beside him each night, caring for
him, talking to him, it had switched on something within.
It had opened my heart.
Hearing the door to the bathroom open, I abruptly shut the sketchpad. I placed it beside me at the fire
and looked up. Flame was leaving the bathroom, dressed in his leather pants and cut. And just at the
sight of him, looking healthy and strong once more, made my heart race.
Flame’s eyes immediately locked on mine and he walked forward, stopping just before me. I looked
up and got to my feet. “Are you ready?” I asked and waited for his response.
Flame’s eyes darted to the front door, then back to me. “Yeah,” he replied, but his voice was
graveled and unsure.
“You will be fine, Flame. And your friends have been waiting to see you. You are well now, and
you need to go outside.”
Flame’s head dropped. I could not help but stare at his wide chest, at the colorful pictures staring
back at me. Especially the bright orange flames climbing his neck.
Smiling in support, I walked toward the door, when I noticed Flame had not followed. Turning
round, I noticed his focus was on the door behind me.
“Flame? Are you okay?” I asked.
Flame’s eyes had grown larger—a sign he was upset. “When we walk out of that door, will you be
going back to Styx’s house?”
My stomach fell at the thought of leaving him.
“Maddie?” Flame asked again. From my position I saw Flame’s hands clenching into fists, then he
rasped, “I don’t want you to leave me.”
 The gruff timbre of his voice sent shivers of sadness shooting down my spine. But then as his
confession seeped into my bones, hope sprung in my chest.
He wanted me to stay.
I stayed silent, trying to rein in these new feelings overwhelming my senses, when he called my
name again. “Maddie?”
This time his voice had lowered in pitch, a sign that he was sad, defeated… losing hope.
Inhaling a deep breath, I raised my head and nervously confessed, “I do not want to leave either.”
Flame’s nostrils flared and he inched closer until, with too deep of a breath, our chests would brush.
Flame stilled. I stilled. And I worked on fighting the heat suddenly roaring through my body.
“Then you’ll come back here. To me,” he said with finality.
I felt a smile tugging on my lips, and I replied, “Yes. I want to see my sisters. I have not seen them
for days, but… but I will return, here. To you.”
From the corner of my eye, I caught Flame’s fingers tense, and his eyes closed. I knew what these
movements meant, and every time he did them, I simultaneously felt paralyzed with fear, and
intoxicated with anticipation. For I knew this was Flame fighting his urge to touch me. I often
wondered what he saw in his mind? Was it like my sketches—innocent and sweet? Or was it more?
Was it like when a man takes a woman?
I waited for the devastation those thoughts would bring. Of being taken in such a way by a man. But
it did not render me motionless, like I feared. Instead it… it… warmed me.
Lifting my gaze, it was to see Flame watching me. Needing to gain composure and inhale fresh air, I
stepped away and to the door. Bright light filled the room as the door opened, and a warm breeze
swept across my face.
And I smelled the trees.
I heard the rustling of the leaves.
I felt the hot sun on my cheeks.
Flame stood behind me, his large protective frame filling me with peace.
“Flame! Fuck!”
A voice from our left pulled our attention. Striding across the clearing toward Flame’s cabin was
AK. “Vike! Get the fuck out here now!” he shouted over his shoulder.
The door of the middle cabin then burst open, and a half dressed Viking rushed out. His long red
hair was wet and hanging loose, and his leathers were unfastened. But as he ran toward Flame
barefooted, his state of undress did not upset me, because the look of pure relief when he viewed his
brother, almost brought me to my knees.
He was loved.
I wondered if he knew that these two men would do anything for him? I wondered if he understood
that he had never really been alone?
AK came to a stop in front of Flame and I, Viking stopping just behind. AK ran his hand through his
hair and rasped, “Fuck, man, we thought we’d lost you.”
I glanced up and Flame stared at them blankly. AK and Viking did not seem perturbed by this.
Viking studied Flame head to toe. “You okay, brother? You feeling good?”
“Yeah,” Flame answered and Viking’s lip hooked into a smirk.
“Hell, man! It’s fucking good to have you back. Nothing’s been the same with you down. Me and
AK have had to go on runs, just me and him, and it was fucking boring without you there to scare the
fuck outta folk. AK’s too much of a fucking pussy to make folks piss themselves on sight. It’ll be good
to have y’all back.”
Flame nodded his head, and AK said, “We got church soon. You coming? All the brothers wanna
see you.”
Flame’s eyes flashed to mine. I could see his teeth grazing over the piercing in his tongue. He was
anxious.
“I am going to my sisters. I shall wait for your return with them.”
Flame exhaled and said, “I’ll walk you up.”
Blushing under the heavy weight of Flame’s piercing eyes, I turned to walk away, when Viking
called, “Little One?”
I turned knowing it was the name he used for me. He flicked his chin and said, “Don’t know what
you did. Don’t really fucking care, but you brought him back from fuck knows where, and for that, you
have our gratitude for life. You hear?”
Quickly nodding, I turned to walk to the line of trees. Flame walked beside me, and I asked, “Are
you happy to see your friends?”
Flame kept his eyes straight forward, and answered, “Yeah.”
I frowned knowing he was thinking something else.
“What else are you thinking?” I asked.
Flame, without hesitation, replied, “That I would rather be in the cabin sitting near the fire, with
you.” My heart leapt in my chest, when he added, “You draw and I like to watch you. I like you being
near me. It’s better than standing under your window. I like being able to see you up close.”
I had not realized I had stopped walking until Flame stopped and looked behind. When midnight
eyes fell on me, I felt my body tremble. I was so confused with the feelings accosting my body. I did
not understand what was happening to me, and it scared me. But listening to Flame confess his
thoughts to me, floored me.
“Why’ve we stopped?” Flame asked, and I could see his hands running over the handle of his blade
at his side.
Forcing my feet to keep moving, I fought back the smile gracing my lips. “Sorry, I needed to catch
my breath,” I answered as Flame fell into step beside me. As we walked up the hill, a question came
to mind. “Flame?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“I know that you like to sharpen your blades, but what else do you like to do?”
 “I don’t understand?” he said quietly.
“I draw, and that makes me happy. I was wondering what makes you happy?”
I watched Flame’s face as his eyes flitted from side to side, when he said, “I watch you.”
Heat infused my body, and I whispered, “That is what makes you happy? To watch me? Does it not
bore you? I am asking what makes you happy? What you like doing most?”
Flame shook his head, then his eyes that I adored so much, met mine. “Being near you. Seeing you.”
I swallowed as his answer kept me frozen to the ground, and he looked from side to side again.
“We’ve stopped again.”
This time, the responding smile on my lips could not be held be back. “I know. Let us go,” I said and
felt his words play in every one of my steps, in every breath I took as we approached Mae and Styx’s
cabin. Being near you. Seeing you…
Voices sounded up ahead, and as I broke through the trees to Mae’s house, Mae, Lilah, Beauty, Letti
and Sarai were sitting out in the garden. When they saw me approach, Mae and Lilah jumped up from
their seats.
“Maddie!” Mae exclaimed in relief, and running toward me, wrapped me in her arms. She pushed
me back and roved her eyes over my body. “Are you okay? Is everything fine?” Her eyes snapped to
Flame who was standing rigidly beside me.
Ducking my head, feeling my cheeks heat, I replied, “I am well.”
A new set of hands wrapped around me and I knew it was Lilah, I recognized the scent of her hair.
“Sister,” she murmured, “I have missed you.”
Lilah pulled back and smiled, her mouth slightly higher on one side due to her scar. Lilah’s gaze
then went to Flame. “Flame. Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.” I glanced to Flame whose eyes were fixed on me. Beauty and Letti stood behind Lilah.
Beauty addressed Flame. “Damn good to have you back, Flame. Been quiet ‘round here without you.”
Flame did not reply, and Beauty, seeming to not expect one, waved to me. “Hey, Madds. Nice to see
ya, darlin’.”
I smiled at her and Letti who flicked her chin at me from behind her best friend. Next, I looked to the
only occupied seat and saw Sarai watching me.
“Good morning, Sarai,” I greeted and she smiled.
“Hello, Maddie. It is nice to see you again.” She looked better, I thought. And I was glad. She was
so young. So innocent.
The door to Styx’s cabin opened. Styx and Ky walked out. Their faces lit up when they saw Flame
standing beside me, every inch the Hangmen, as he stood in his leather pants and leather cut, his
scarred bare chest and torso on show.
“Fuckin’ Flame!” Ky called and began clapping. Styx smiled beside Lilah’s husband. The two men
approached and Ky stood in front of Flame. “You doing good, my brother? Y’all were going through
some fuckin’ crazy shit for a while there.”
 Flame took his blade from his belt and ran his finger down the edge. This was his tell that he was
anxious. Ky, not receiving an answer, turned to Styx. “Church, Prez?”
Styx nodded, then walked to Mae and crushed his lips to hers. Mae melted in his arms. Ky then did
the same to Lilah, and without conscious thought, my gaze drifted to Flame. As always, he was
watching me, but this time, his nostrils were flaring, and his blade was running along his wrist. Panic
flared within me. Something was troubling him in his head.
“Flame, let’s go. Got a shit ton of brothers that’ll be fucking relieved you haven’t checked out on us
for good.” Ky’s voice snapped me back to the moment and I cleared my throat.
Flame glanced to Ky, then to me. I forced a smile to hide my trembling legs. Those kisses… Flame’s
intense stare...
“Maddie?” Flame rasped, and I noticed all around us had gone silent.
Hating the attention, I stepped closer to him. “Return for me after your meeting and we shall go to
your cabin. You still need to rest.”
Flame nodded once, and joined Styx and Ky who were already walking away in the distance. But he
looked back. He looked back eleven times. Eleven. I counted.
“Maddie?” Mae’s voice made me look her way. Her face wore an expression of worry and she
said, “Go back to Flame’s cabin? You are to stay with him further?”
“Yes,” I said feeling embarrassed by too much focus on me.
The sound of a gentle cough sounded, and I heard Beauty say, “Well, I gotta get to the shop and open
up. Busy day ahead.” I kept my gaze down as she said her goodbyes to Lilah and Mae.
“Sarai, darlin’. I’ll bring you by the shop soon, okay? Get you out in the world more.”
“Thank you,” I heard Sarai say in return.
Moments later, I looked up and Mae and Lilah were stood together watching me. Heat surged
through me and I asked, “What? Why do you stare at me?”
Lilah’s eyes widened at my sharp retort. “We worry for you, Maddie. Because we love you.”
Some of the venom left my body and I said, “You do not need to worry. I am fine.” Neither said
anything to me, but I continued. “Yes, I am to return with Flame. He needs me.”
The tension from my sisters’ clear disapproval thickened around us. I kept my attention to the
ground. I would not be moved on this. They did not know Flame as I did.
Lilah eventually moved to sit down and I saw Mae do the same. “Maddie, join us?” Lilah asked.
Spotting the free chair between Mae and Lilah, I took a seat.
“Maddie, we are to accompany Sarai to church this afternoon. Would you like to join us?”
I lifted my head and glanced across to Sarai. Her young face wore a hopeful expression as she
looked to me. “Mae and Lilah have told me of your church. That it is pure and does not share the same
beliefs as The Order on women and our duties. I should very much like to see such a place. Right now
I cannot comprehend it to be real.”
My stomach tightened seeing such disbelief on her face and, sitting forward, I said, “I would love to
come with you. Pastor James is a lovely woman. She will show you what we have found of faith
outside of the commune.”
Sarai’s blinding smile could have lit a dark room. “Thank you,” she said with tears in her eyes. She
then got to her feet, drawing all attention. “I shall go and rest if we are to leave this afternoon.”
“Okay,” I replied and watched as Sarai walked off into the cabin.
Seconds passed as Sarai left us alone, then I suddenly blurted, “What does it feel like?”
I kept my focus on my busy hands in my lap, feeling my face heat with embarrassment, when Mae
asked, “What, sister?”
Lifting my hand to my lips, I ran the fingertip along the plump flesh. Flickering my eyes to Mae, I
asked, “To join lips. To kiss.”
Mae’s eyes flared widely then darted to Lilah. I heard Lilah getting up from her seat and she moved
to sit down on the warm grass at my feet. Her hand pressed to my knee and her blue eyes were filled
with questions.
“It is like nothing else,” Mae said, prompting me to watch her face. A secret smile had ghosted upon
her lips and her breathing quickened. “It is one of my most favorite things to do in life.”
“And you, Lilah?” I asked shyly.
“Everything,” she admitted with a subtle rasp in her voice. “Because I never dreamed that I would
ever have a man that loves me for me. But Ky does. He loves me more than I think I deserve.” Lilah’s
hand lifted to run down her scar. “Even when I hurt myself, when I cut my hair, he still wanted me.
And when he kisses me, it is my confirmation that I won his heart. That he is mine. For life.”
Lilah’s hand squeezed my knee, and with a cautious expression, she asked, “Why did you ask,
sister? Is this something that you have been thinking of… of trying with Flame?”
I lowered my head, just simply trying to breathe, and confessed, “I fear it is something I shall
never be able to do.” I composed myself and added, “I find myself dreaming of kissing Flame. I
dream of him touching my face and bringing me to his lips. And in my dreams I have no fear. I do not
fear his touch. And I do not fear that I have never been kissed before. Because Flame keeps me safe.
There is no fear to be had in his presence.” I brought in a long breath, and felt my heart crack. “But
the reality is that I fear his touch, though it is newly craved by a part of me I felt had died. I am afraid
of what feeling another man’s hand on my bare skin would evoke. Of the memories I have tried so
very hard to move past.” I looked first to Lilah, then to Mae and held her gaze. “What if Flame’s
touch suddenly became Moses' in my mind. And what if I became trapped there again? Unable to
speak through crippling fear? Would a simple kiss be worth it then?”
My vision became focused on Lilah’s pretty face and I huffed a humorless to myself. “Flame, I fear,
has been hurt more by a person’s touch than even I. I do not think he will ever be able to lay his hand
over mine, let alone kiss me.”
Mae sighed, and brushing a piece of hair from my face, said, “You deserve to be loved, Maddie.
And I know I did not suffer as brutally as you did, nor did Lilah or Bella, but Lilah and I have found
men who enabled us to move on. To find life-long happiness.”
My lips trembled. “I do not think Flame would ever be able to be that way with me.”
“Then is he truly the one for you?”
 Taking Lilah’s hand I pressed it over my chest. “That beat, that new lease of life pounding within my
chest? It is his. The awakening of my heart belongs to Flame.” I steadied my tears.
“Maddie,” Lilah whispered. Shifting to her knees, her hands on the side of my head, she kissed my
forehead. “I do not know what will happen in the future, but I am grateful that Flame has brought out
this possibility in you.”
Lilah sat back down on the floor and Mae sat back in her seat. Then Lilah said, “When I make love
to Ky it is not anything like what we endured at the hands of those men. He is kind, and gentle, and I
do not think I could feel closer to him at any other time than when we are joined.” I tensed at her
words. Lilah cast me a watery smile and continued. “It is the physical manifestation of what I feel in
my heart.” Lilah inhaled, never breaking our gaze, then she expressed a wish. “I hope one day you can
know what that feels like. And I hope when you do, you feel nothing but happiness. Happiness without
fear.”
I did not say anything in response.
 Chapter Sixteen

Flame

My brothers were already waiting in the meet room when we arrived. Styx and Ky entered first, and I
followed. When I did, Hush and Cowboy were first to their feet.
“Fuck, Flame!” Cowboy exclaimed as he drew to a stop in front of me. “You’re back!”
I flicked my chin at his smiling face, then Hush said, “Glad you’re okay, brother. You scared the shit
out of us for a fuckin’ minute back there. Never seen anyone cut up like that before.”
My jaw clenched, as I tried not to think of the woman getting shot. Of that fucking baby crying, and
of the little boy sitting on the sidewalk. Tank’s huge body suddenly moved before me, welcoming me
back. Then Bull, Smiler, and finally, Tanner.
Tanner dropped his head and ran his hand through his beard. “The woman survived. I hacked into
the hospital records and checked. Her kids too.” Relief rippled through my body.
“Thanks,” I said and he shook his head.
“I should’a known the Klan,” He paused as he gritted his teeth. “My fuckin’ old man, was gonna pull
a stunt like this. And I can’t trace what the fuckers are gonna do. Nothing is happening on their in-
house system, which means it’s all verbal. My old man knows I’d find out their plans in a fucking hot
minute if it was on a system somewhere. The cunt’s playing smart.”
AK and Viking entered the room just as Tanner walked away. Viking held out his arms. “Have you
heard the news? The fuckin’ Psycho Trio is back in business!”
The sound of Styx’s gavel hitting the wood of the table cut through the noise of congratulation. Ky
gestured to the seats. “Sit down, ladies. The quicker we start, the fuckin’ quicker it can end.”
We all moved to our usual seats, mine in the middle of AK and Vike. Styx sat at the end. His hands
lifted. I pulled out my blade. Ky started talking business, but all I could see was the blade that I’d
pressed to my skin. I ran it over and over the tattoos of my flames. I could feel the burning, the fire
bubbling underneath, but as I went to cut, I thought of Maddie’s face. The blade paused and I took a
deep breath. I wanted to cut, I wanted to get the flames out. But thinking of Maddie kept them calm. It
made them sleep.
Gripping the handle in my hands, I held it down on the table, and when I looked up, it was to find a
shit ton of eyes all watching me. I shifted on my seat.
“What the fuck are you all looking at?” I hissed, fisting my hands by my side.
Ky shook his head, and spoke for the brothers. “Nothing.” His eyebrows pulled down. “You good?”
“Yeah. Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?”
Ky shook his head, his palms in the air. “No reason. Just checking in.”
My hand reached for my blade. This time I pushed it against my skin. Blood trickled down my arm,
but I didn’t feel shit. Because it was Maddie’s face in my head again, Maddie telling me she wasn’t
leaving me.
“AK, Vike, you’re on a two day run,” Ky’s voice said. I looked up.
“What about Flame?” AK asked. “We always go together.”
I watched Styx sign as Ky interpreted. “The brother’s still grounded. He might be doing good, but
he’s not going on no fucking runs. We had to cover a shit ton of tracks when the Klan attacked on the
last drop off, and our brother here went nuclear. Hush and Cowboy’ll be going with you instead.”
AK leaned forward. “You okay with that, Flame?”
I glanced down at my knife drawing blood, then felt real fucking good about Prez' decision, because
it meant I could stay with Maddie. “I’m good with it,” I replied. AK eyed me weird then sat back in
his chair.
I caught AK look to Viking, who mouthed, “The little one.”
My eyes snapped up to meet Vike and he flashed me a smile. “Just saying you like being with the
little one. To talk. Or stare at her. Or whatever the fuck it is you do.”
“Vike! Shut your fucking mouth!” Ky called from the back and everyone refocused on Ky. “Now.
Any other business?”
No one spoke, and my feet itched to get back to the cabin. “Good,” Ky said, “Gotta get back to the
missus.”
A cough sounded beside me, and Viking coughed, “Pussy”, under his breath.
The brothers started laughing. Ky pointed his finger at Viking. “Brother, the day a piece of ass has
you pussywhipped, will the best fucking day of my life.”
Viking’s red eyebrows danced. “It’ll never happen, VP. I got a fucking anaconda under these
leathers and there’s no way he’ll want one pussy for the rest of his life. He likes variety. Lots of wet
and tight variety.”
“Anaconda, my ass,” Tank said from across the table. “It’s a fucking worm at best.”
Viking jumped to his feet and began unzipping his leathers. “You want me to fucking prove it,
brother?”
Styx slammed the gavel on the tabletop. All the brothers made quick work of getting the fuck out of
the room. Tank headed out first, and Viking ran after him. “Tank, get the fuck back here now! Got a
fuckin’ certain someone that wants to meet y’all!”
The room emptied and, grabbing my knife, I stood. AK blocked my path. “You sure you’re okay
with skipping this run? The old Flame would’a spilled blood about being benched from the road.”
“The old Flame didn’t have Maddie.”
AK’s eyebrows shot up. “You owning that shit now?”
“She owns me. That’s all that fucking matters.”
AK sighed and ran his hand down his face. When he dropped his hand he looked me dead in the eye,
and asked, “Can you handle this shit, brother? Can you handle giving her what she might want from
you?”
Fury built and with gritted teeth, I said, “It ain’t like that. I wouldn’t… she wouldn’t…”
“Can you keep the flames down? Can you keep your shit together when things don’t go the way you
want? ‘Cause Styx will fuck you up if you hurt her.”
Feeling the flames ignite under my skin, I twitched my head and backed AK against the wall. Lifting
my knife, I sliced my blade down my arm needing the flames to be let loose before it got too much and
I tore off AK’s head. AK just stood there and let it happen. The minute the blade sliced into my flesh
and the blood ran free, I met AK in the eyes and hissed, “I won’t fucking hurt Maddie. I’d die first.
She stays with me always. In my cabin, by my side. And no fucker will be taking her from me.”
“She’s moving in with you?”
“She’s mine,” I snarled.
AK’s chest almost pressed against mine and I jumped back, knife in hand. “Flame, you’re sounding
really fucking insane now. More insane than usual.”
“I need Maddie,” I spat out. Then seeing her face in my head, seeing her smiling, I lowered my knife
to my side and added, “She’s in my head all the time.” I looked up at AK, and confessed, “I slept.
With her beside me, I can sleep with no demons in my head. And she sings to me. To me. No one’s
ever sang to me before.”
AK dropped his head and hushed out, “Fuck, brother.”
“I need her.” I tapped my head. “In here, I need her.” Then I bounced my fist over my heart. “And
here. I feel her in here too.”
AK’s shoulders rose and fell, then he said, “You didn’t cut yourself at the table. You always fucking
cut yourself at the table.”
I stared at him, not saying shit, and he nodded his head. “The little one, right?”
My eyes fell to my arm dripping with blood and I swallowed. “She calms them. With her, they don’t
burn. I sleep, they’re calm… I can’t be without her.”
“Fuck,” AK said again and clicked his fingers to make me look up. “You listen to me, Flame. You
fucking listened to me when you were a scrawny lost seventeen year old kid, and I need you to listen
to me now. You fucking lose it, you come find me. You freak the fuck out again, like you did on the
Chechen drop off, and you find me. The little one fucking wants to be around you when most bitches
would be running a fucking mile in the other direction. That’s a fucking big deal for you both. You
don’t have to be a fucking genius to work that shit out. And I don’t want you to hurt her, or you, again.
Because if you hurt her, Styx will kick your ass out of this MC, and we both know you need us. You
won’t do so well outside on your own. So we have a deal?”
I heard his words. I knew I couldn’t hurt Maddie, but I agreed anyway.
AK blew out a breath. “I hated seeing you that far gone, brother. I ain’t got any idea what set you off,
and I’m pretty fucking sure you ain’t gonna share, but it’s damn good to have you back.” He smiled
and said, “Need you back in the trio. Viking’s a fucking nightmare on his own.”
“Someone say my name?” Turning to the door, on cue, we saw Viking coming through zipping up his
leathers.
 “Mention the devil and he’ll fucking appear,” AK muttered as Viking threw his arm around AK’s
shoulder. AK looked at the hand lying on his shoulder and said, “That hand better not have fucking
just touched your grass snake.”
Viking pulled his hand away and punched AK on his arm. “It’s a fucking anaconda, and you know
it.”
AK flicked his chin, ignoring Viking. “We okay, Flame?”
Gripping my knife tighter in my hand, I could feel skin twitching. I needed Maddie. I needed her
right the fuck now.
“Flame? We good?” AK repeated.
“We’re good,” I replied, then turned and left the room.
Passing through the club, I never looked at the brothers prepping to go on drop off. Instead, I burst
out of the back exit and hit the dirt road that led to Styx’s cabin.
Quickening into a run, I cut through the trees to where Maddie had last been. Mae and Lilah were
sitting on chairs: no Maddie.
My eyes searched the clearing but Maddie wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“Where’s Maddie?” I asked.
“She has gone to wait for you at your cabin,” Lilah said.
I backed away and broke through the line of trees. I ran until my cabin came into view. I pushed the
door open, my eyes immediately finding Maddie at the only seat I owned, next to the large living
room window.
She was drawing again. She’d changed clothes. This time wearing a sleeveless white dress. And
her long black hair was tied back.
As I entered through the door, her head snapped up. She jumped, and her green eyes were wide,
until she whispered my name, “Flame…” and her body lost tension.
My muscles tensed when her cheeks turned pink.
Maddie shut the sketchpad and put her pencil on the windowsill. She then got up from the chair and
walked toward me. She smelled of strawberries. Something she’d washed with smelled of
strawberries.
“You’re here,” I confirmed. Maddie looked up at me and smiled.
My pulse kicked into overdrive at her smile.
“I wanted to be here when you came home.” She pointed to the kitchen with her finger. “I have made
you food for this evening. I will not be here to make it for you and I wanted to be sure you ate.”
My body froze. “Where are you going?”
Maddie’s smile dropped, and she replied, “Lilah and Mae are taking Sarai to church. I am to go
with them.”
Like a tidal wave of fire, the flames rushed through my blood, my head snapping back on a hiss.
Hands shaking, I brought the blade to my arm and sliced hard. At the feel of the sharp edge ripping
through my flesh, I smiled, feeling the relief of the blood flowing from my arm.
“Flame!” Maddie called.
“No…” I snarled. She couldn’t go. She couldn’t leave me.
Maddie took a step back, her palms up in front of her chest. “Flame, stop—”
“You’re not fucking going to that place!” My feet started to pace. All I could see in my head were
rows and rows of pews. Screaming. People lying on the floor. And Pastor Hughes’s voice, call, “…
In my name they shall cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues…”
The snakes, being tied down, the poison, the pain, unable to move…
“FUCK!” I screamed, as the flames coursed through my veins.
I couldn’t stand them. Couldn’t stand them burning my flesh. Holding my breath, I threw off my Cut
and sliced across my torso. I exhaled and bent over at the pain. But then he was in my head.
Fisting my free hand, I slammed it into the side of my skull trying to block out his voice. “GO THE
FUCK AWAY!” I shouted. But he was behind me, gripping the back of my neck, taking me to that
church.
“Flame! Look at me… please…” I could hear Maddie’s voice in front of me. But it was weak. I
closed my eyes trying to push him away, to push the voices away. But they wouldn’t leave. They were
there. They were always there, waiting. Waiting to strike when the flames came back. When the evil
returned to my blood.
A moan tore from my mouth through gritted teeth. My eyes snapped back open. Maddie stood back
against the wall of the living room, watching me with wide eyes. Her chest was pounding hard, and
my stomach rolled.
“You can’t fucking go,” I roared again, my eyes blinking too fast. Then I felt it slide across my chest.
Felt the slippery skin slithering across my skin, the flames following its path. And they couldn’t do
that to her. They couldn’t hurt her like that. She’d suffered enough.
“Flame?”
“And they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them…”
The poison. I could feel the poison trickling down my throat. Then it burned. And I couldn’t move.
“Flame… please… you are scaring me.”
I fought to stop the heat in my veins. My feet ground to a halt and I looked at Maddie. “No church. I
can’t let you go there. You’re not fucking going there!”
Maddie took a step toward me, but I could see her hands shaking, I could see her lips trembling. I
didn’t want to hurt her… “I need to save you…”
Maddie stopped. She took a deep breath and asked, “Save me from what?”
“Them,” I whispered, my hand lifting to her face. Maddie’s eyes went huge as she watched my hand,
then I ripped it back, digging the tip of the blade into the skin to make it stop. The evil inside wanted
to hurt her with the flames.
I couldn’t let it.
 “They’ll hurt you. With serpents and poison, and—”
A knock on the door cut off my words. Maddie watched me. I watched her. “You’re not fucking
going!” I bit, and dug sharp fingernails into my palm.
The knock sounded again. “Maddie?”
Mae. It was Mae’s voice.
“Flame,” Maddie said too quietly. I inched in closer, backing her against the wall.
“You’re not leaving.”
Another knock. Louder this time. “Maddie? Are you okay?”
But I never looked away from Maddie’s face. Maddie who was now staring at the door. She then
looked to me. “I need to speak to her.”
I crowded her in against the wall, my hands towering over her head as my palms hit the wall. “No,”
I ordered in a low voice, “she’ll make you go. And I can’t go in. I can’t fucking go in!”
Maddie’s gaze searched mine. Finally, her shoulders sagged. “I won’t go,” she whispered. “I swear.
But I have to tell Mae. I have to tell her I will not be accompanying them or she will bring Styx.
And… and I do not want you hurt.”
My arms didn’t move from their cage, but Maddie moved forward and I jumped back before she
could touch my chest. She walked to the door, her hands still shaking. I walked right behind her.
Maddie’s hand hovered over the doorknob, and on an inhale, she opened the door. Mae, Lilah and a
young kid were standing there.
Mae looked at her sister, then me. “Maddie? Are you ready?”
“I… I will not be coming,” Maddie informed. Mae’s eyebrows pulled down.
“Why not?” Lilah asked.
“I have decided against it.”
The kid, avoiding looking at me, said, “Maddie. I should very much like you to come. I… I would
feel better with you all there.”
I saw Maddie’s shoulders stiffen. Before she could agree to go, I snapped, “She’s not fucking
going!”
The kid stumbled back into Lilah’s chest.
“Do I need to get Styx?” Mae asked Maddie.
Maddie inhaled a quick breath. “No. Please. Just let me stay.” Maddie glanced back. “Just give me
today and tonight.” Her attention snapped to the kid. “We shall go tomorrow.”
‘No!” I roared and lifted my blade to my chest, cutting the flesh over my heart.
“Please, leave,” Maddie begged her sisters. Then the door shut.
But all I could think was that she was going to church tomorrow. She was going to that fucking
place.
He’s a fucking retard, Mary. I need to speak to Pastor Hughes… he has evil living within him…
he has flames in his blood…
His voice was in my head. His hands were undoing his belt. My skin prickled and my cock hardened
at the sound. My feet paced, then led me toward the cellar’s trapdoor.
She left because of you. Your evil blood chased her away, you retarded little cunt...
“No…” I hissed, palming my cock in my leathers. I dropped my blade to the wooden floor next to
the cellar’s trapdoor.
“Flame, no…” Maddie’s quiet voice spoke from across the room. But I could already feel him
standing behind me, his jeans pulled down. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and I could feel
his blade running down my back.
“Flame, please. Do not do this. Not again. Do not take yourself back to that place. To the darkness.”
Lifting my head, I growled, “I am darkness. I am pain. I am motherfucking death.”
“No!” Maddie called, lurching forward as I kneeled down and ripped open my zipper.
A shout ripped from my throat as I felt his sharp blade slice down my spine. The flames. We’ll get
the retard's flames out… I heard in my mind.
Reaching into my leathers, I pulled out my cock, stroking it in my hands.
A cry sounded before me, and when I looked up, Maddie’s hand was in front of her mouth and tears
were pouring down her face. “Maddie…” I whispered, feeling my throat clog up at her green eyes
filling with tears. I could feel her upset. I could fucking feel what I was doing to her.
But I couldn’t stop what had already started. I needed to get my leathers to the floor. He would get
angry if my pants weren’t on the floor and he couldn’t take me. Because he always took me. Without
fail.
Feeling him close in, I heard Maddie rush across the floor. I lifted my eyes, wanting her to stay,
needing her to stay, to help block him out. But Maddie backed away toward the bathroom.
“Maddie… please…” I croaked as my hand reached for the blade on the floor and my hand worked
my cock faster.
She shook her head, “I cannot… I cannot watch this again, Flame… I simply cannot…” She rushed
into the bathroom and shut the door. Just as I hunched on the floor, he slammed inside me. And the
pain came. In my mind the pain came, then on my body when the tip of my knife dragged across my
thigh.
My hand pumped faster, as he slammed inside me, ripping my insides. I closed my eyes, hearing his
voice with every thrust. “She left because of you.” Thrust. Pain. “She left and that cunt brother of
yours screams because she’s gone.” Thrust. Pain. “Gone because she had a fucking evil retard as a
son.” Thrust. Pain. “There’s poison and darkness in your corrupted soul.”
The blade dug further into my flesh as I heard his breathing change. His thrusts increased and I knew
he was close. I stroked myself faster and faster, until with a slash of the steel on my skin and his low
groan in my ear, I came on the floor. I trapped my roar of release behind gritted teeth. Then finally he
let me go.
Dropping my blade, I fell to the floor, catching my breath. In the silence, I could hear my deep
breathing. And I could see the blood and cum on the floor.
Then the nausea came. But it was worse this time, with the shame came embarrassment. I retched,
turning my body just in time to get to the bucket on the floor beside the cellar door. And with every
purge I kept my eyes on the door to the bathroom knowing Maddie was inside.
Lifting my head, stomach empty, I wiped at my blade gashes with the rag placed to the side of the
bucket. But my gaze was still fixed on that bathroom door. Reaching down, I pulled up my leathers,
and crawled on weak arms and legs to the closed door.
My heart hammered as I lifted my hand and pressed my palm to the door. “Maddie…” I whispered,
her hand over her mouth and tears running down her cheeks replaying in my mind. There was no
sound from the other side of the door. I wanted to go in, I wanted to tell her I was so sorry. But I
didn’t know how.
Pulling back my hand, I dragged myself to my feet. I stood, looking out over the room. My eyes fell
on the blood and cum dripping through the cracks of the hatch and I felt my stomach lurch again.
Moving toward it, I picked up the rag beside the bucket and covered it. I couldn’t bear to look at it.
Then my stomach dropped again when I looked at the chair by the window, that Maddie had been
sitting in. And I knew, I just knew when she came out of that bathroom, she would leave.
I knew she would leave. Because everyone left. No one ever wanted me for long.
My feet carried me forward to the chair. Maddie’s sweater was laid over the back. Taking it my
hands, I lifted it to my nose and inhaled. And it smelled of her. Of strawberries, and… my Maddie.
Then on the chair, tucked in the side, was her sketchpad. I glanced to the bathroom but the door was
still shut. Maddie was still inside. Probably still scared. Probably about to leave.
Reaching forward, feeling drained of all energy—something that happened every time he took me
again in my mind—I took hold of the sketchpad and opened it at the first page.
My breath locked in my throat when I saw Maddie’s smiling face look up at me. Moving my finger, I
ran it over the outline of her cheek. My hand was shaking as it moved over her hair, her long black
hair hanging down her back.
“Maddie,” I whispered as my fingers ran over her lips.
I turned the page to see her walking outside, under the sun. Her hands were in the air like she could
feel its warmth. Turning the page again, she was sitting with three girls, with her arms around one,
head resting on her shoulder. I recognized Mae and Lilah, but not the third. Although she looked like
Mae and Maddie. The same black hair. Maddie’s eyes were closed as she hugged her. And the girl
was smiling, holding Maddie back.
Then when I turned another page, every muscle in my body tensed. It was… me, my face, my eyes
looking up from the page.
Hands shaking, I quickly turned the next page, and what I saw dropped me to my knees. It was my
hand, my hand wrapped in Maddie’s. I traced the outline of our joined fingers with my finger, then
drew back my hand. I held it in the air and wondered what it would feel like holding Maddie’s. My
eyes fell back to the picture and the lump thickened in my throat.
Finally, I turned the page one last time, and a pained moan slipped from my mouth. It was me, it was
her, both standing. And I was holding her. My arms were wrapped around her waist. Her hand and
cheek were on my chest. Our eyes were closed, but we looked… happy. Happy to be touched by each
other.
Unable to look at that image anymore, I pulled the sketchpad to my chest just as the creaking of the
bathroom door told me it had opened.
I snapped my head back, still clutching the sketchpad. Maddie’s eyes went wide when she saw what
I was holding.
“Is this what you want?” I hushed out.
Maddie’s face flushed with redness and, bowing her head, she whispered, “It is what I dream.
Everything I wish could happen for me, to me… with me, is drawn on those pages.” Maddie
shrugged. “I live my life on the pages because I am too afraid to live them in real life.”
My breathing stopped, then I rushed out, “You… you want to touch me? You want me to touch you?
Like your sketch?”
Maddie’s gaze then fixed on mine and she laid her hand over her heart. “In here I dream it could be
true. And I pray… I pray that maybe one day it could happen for us.”
Pulling back the sketchpad, I stared at the perfect pencil drawing of me holding Maddie and shook
my head. “I would hurt you,” I croaked, “the flames, the evil—”
“Are not there,” Maddie interrupted. Keeping her head down, her cheeks still flushed, she shuffled
forward and said, “I held you before and I was fine. You have laid your hands upon me and I was
fine.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but something inside stopped me. Maddie moved forward again. “And
there is nothing you could do to me that has not already been done before.”
My stomach clenched, wanting so much to believe what she said. Maddie moved the final few steps
until she stood right beside me and asked shyly, “Do you… ever think about me, too? Do you ever
wonder what it would be like to touch me, too?”
I gritted my teeth and nodded my head. “All the time,” I confided, “I think about it all the fucking
time.”
Maddie lowered herself to the floor in front of me. With her hands tightly clutched in her lap, she
kept her head lowered and whispered, “Would you like… would you like to try?”
 Chapter Seventeen

Maddie

I felt my heart would rip free from my chest as I waited for Flame’s response. As much as I did not
think I could do this, that I would not be able to touch his hand, or more, I wanted to try so badly. In
this moment, after seeing him so torn apart, reverting back to the memories that kept him jailed behind
high walls, I wanted so badly to be able to hold him. He deserved my affection.
I believed that I too deserved affection.
Flame’s nostrils were flared as he stared down at my sketch. I joined him too, seeing what hope
occupied my mind most days.
Then just as I felt Flame would not be able to try, he placed down the sketchpad and took a deep
breath. As his near black eyes met mine, I shivered. His eyebrows pulled down. “Why’re you
shivering?”
Smoothing my hands over my bare arms, I replied, “I am cold.”
Flame glanced over his shoulder to the fire I had lit just before he came in and he got to his feet. I
could see how weak he was after he had expelled himself on his floor. And I also imagined the
gravity of what we were about to try was making him just as nervous as I.
“Let’s go by the fire, it’s warmer,” Flame said and gestured me forward. I got to my feet and slowly
followed behind, each step feeling as though any strength I had was slipping away.
With each step, all I saw in my mind was Moses’ hand skimming up my leg. I felt his hand grip
between my legs and push his finger inside. I could see all of the disciples, after Mae’s departure,
coming for me. I could feel their hands on my wrists and ankles holding me down to a table, and I
could feel the kiss of cold air brushing my skin as they ripped my garment from my body, prizing my
legs apart, taking me over and over again. I would pass out, only to be awakened by a hard thrust
pushing inside of me, the disciples working hard to eradicate the sin from my soul.
But it was their hands, their calloused rough hands skirting over my flesh that I could not stand.
Their fingers palming my breasts, their fingers scraping over my folds, stabbing inside.
“Maddie?” Flame’s low graveled voice cut through my thoughts. When I looked up, he was sitting
before the fire, his large body hunched over, as though he was broken, as though his fear was as
intense as mine.
And my heart broke at the unfairness. The unfairness of us two, so fearful of what nightmares the
deliberate touch of another might evoke.
“I… I am finding the thought of touching... fearful,” I whispered. Flame’s shoulders sagged even
more.
“Me too,” he admitted, so quietly that I nearly did not hear him.
Inhaling a deep breath, I walked over and sat before him. The heat from the fire immediately
warmed my skin.
Under the heat, I moved to lay on my side, my hand flat to the floor just in front of my face. But my
eyes never left Flame, and he was watching me the entire time, his head tilted slightly, as if in
wonder.
I remained silent, the crackling of the burning of wood the only sound, until Flame moved his large
body and laid before me too. His hand flattened to the floor, resting mere inches from mine. But our
gazes were locked.
Feeling my heart dance in my chest, I asked, “Are you scared?”
Flame’s jaw clenched and he nodded his head. “Yeah,” he rasped out. “I’m fucking scared I’ll hurt
you.” He released a pent up breath, adding, “But I want to know what you feel like. I want to know
what your hand feels like on mine. Like your picture.” His eyes dropped and he said, “I can’t get that
fucking picture from my head.”
My fingers curled and straightened, carefully replacing themselves back on the wooden floor. And
feeling I needed to talk, I said, “Except from you,” I inhaled, fighting my nerves to keep on going, “I
have only been touched by men who wanted to hurt me.” Flame stiffened, and by the quick rising and
falling of his broad chest, I knew he was getting angry. “Every night that I sleep, I feel them touching
me. I wake in a cold sweat, my nightdress drenched because I relive what they did to me. I feel the
pain, I feel their unwanted intimate touches, the burns, the lashes… the blinding pain.” My throat
clogged with a heavy lump. But I forced it back down, to say quietly, “But I want it to stop. And I do
not know how. I see Mae and Lilah with Styx and Ky, and I see that they have found a way. Through
love, they have found a way.”
Staring at my hand, I inched my fingers closer to Flame’s, feeling the heavy tension rolling off him in
waves. I studied my little finger, so close to his, and added, “And I want to replace their touch with
yours. I want to wake up with your arm around my waist, keeping me safe.”
“Maddie,” Flame groaned, but it was pained and regretful. “I don’t know if—”
“But I shall settle for your fingers wrapped in mine. I would be content to awaken knowing you
were holding me in some small way.”
Flame’s eyes were darting from side to side, lost in thought. I shuffled my body closer until our
faces were mere inches apart. I could feel Flame’s quick warm breath ghosting my cheek. I fought
back the urge to back away. “I do not know who comes for you each night. And I do not know what
he did to you. But I believe…” I shook my head, fighting the dark pit that was forming in my heart,
“but I believe it is similar to what was done to me. And I believe that with my touch, maybe he might
fade from your world too.”
Flame sucked in a sharp breath and he closed his eyes, clearly fighting something in his head. When
they opened, water filled his gaze and he said, “He called me a retard. Because…” he breathed deep,
“because I didn’t see things like everyone else.” I froze, listening intently to him speak. He continued.
“I know I’m different. I knew he hated me because I was different. Other kids would laugh at me.
They would laugh at something I said or something I did. And every time that happened it would upset
me, because I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. And then I’d be punished. Over and over again, I’d
be punished. So I stopped speaking to anyone, because I didn’t want them to laugh. I didn’t want to be
punished. But that made him madder. He got mad when I spoke, but then he got mad when I didn’t. I
sat on my own playing with my toys and it made him mad. But the other kids wouldn’t play with me,
because I was me.”
My heart squeezed and I fought back tears, listening to what he went through as a child. A sheen of
sweat broke out on his face. “He got angrier and angrier with me, until one day, I heard why I was
different. Because I had evil in my soul and flames running in my blood.” Flame shook his head. “I
tried to get them out to show him I was trying. I tried to get them out so he wouldn’t hate me anymore,
but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get them out.”
“Flame…” I whispered as tears ran down my cheeks.
“So he took me to Pastor Hughes. And Pastor Hughes brought the snakes. They held me down and
snakes slithered on my skin. They needed to see if I was evil.”
I fought for breath. I did not understand. “Snakes? They put snakes on you?” I asked.
“Snakes are the manifestation of the devil, Pastor Hughes would say. If they bit you, it was because
you were a sinner.” Flame’s eyes glazed over, and his skin jumped. “And they bit me. They hurt me.
They felt the flames in my blood. They were drawn to the evil in my blood.”
“No…” I hushed out.
“The church hurts people. They hold you down and hurt people. And then he told me he had to
release the flames. He came every night to release the flames.”
Flame’s body turned rigid. “But nothing worked. The flames were still there. I’m still different. I
don’t understand people. People don’t understand me.”
I took a deep breath, concentrating on his every word. Then, meeting my eyes, he said, “I know I’m
different. I know I don’t see the world like everyone else does. But I want to see your world, Maddie.
Even if it’s the only one I’ll ever understand.”
My heart beat faster as his dark eyes penetrated mine, and then we both stilled when we felt it.
My breathing increased with our gazes locked, and when I looked down, my hand was covering his.
Gently lying on top, small against large. I worked on keeping calm, I tried desperately to not feel fear.
When I glanced up, Flame’s eyes were as wide as saucers and his head had begun to twitch.
“Maddie,” he whispered, then blew out a sharp breath.
His eyes snapped to our joined hands, then up again.
“You feel warm,” I whispered, sensing heat radiating from his skin. My heart was pounding, but
staring at our hands, I ghosted my little finger over his skin. Flame froze and groaned at the same time.
But he did not move his hand.
“You are soft,” I added and flickered my eyes to his. Flame was already watching me. I swallowed
back the nerves starting to take me hostage under his stare. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and
breathed through his nose.
I watched him, my heart sinking when I believed he would pull away. To my complete surprise, in a
flash, his hand flipped over, his palm instantly meeting mine. I gasped at the feeling of unfamiliar
warmth. But then Flame spread his fingers and threaded them through mine. His grip, at first was soft,
then his fingers tightened on mine… and we simply breathed.
 We stared.
But we breathed.
Enraptured by the sight, and overcome by such emotion, I stayed silent. But then Flame, said, “It’s
like your picture.”
My eyes lifted to his and I swallowed. “It’s like my picture,” I whispered, feeling butterflies flood
my insides. A feeling of hope took me over, and I squeezed our melded hands harder.
Flame did not react.
“I can breathe,” Flame said suddenly. My body surged with light. I could clearly see the disbelief in
his stare.
“I can breathe,” he repeated again. And then I heard his quiet counting under his breath; eleven
small, feather light squeezes of his hand in mine. I let him count, watching in fascination as a shocked
breath escaped his lips on reaching number eleven.
Then his eyes widened and he rasped, “You’re not hurt… I… I didn’t hurt you…”
Needing to be closer, I shuffled nearer still, so close that our chests were almost touching. “I am not
hurt,” I assured. Feeling my face flush with heat, I confessed, “In fact, I have not felt this… content…
ever in my life.”
“Maddie,” Flame whispered, and my heart melted when his thumb awkwardly moved to brush over
mine. The feeling of the rough pad of his thumb, stroking over my skin, sent shivers through my body.
Then I gasped in shock as I felt those shivers build between my legs. Dipping my head, I glanced
down to see Flame’s free hand adjusting himself in his leather pants.
These feelings… these feelings were so new. I did not know what I should make of them. And all
from one touch.
“Maddie,” Flame groaned, but the tone of his groan had changed. Gone was the pained groan. In its
place was a low rasp. A groan of want.
“Flame,” I whispered in response. Then Flame licked along his bottom lip and my eyes focused on
his mouth.
My head tipped forward, instinctively searching for what my heart was calling me to take.
Flame’s breathing increased and he asked, “Maddie. What are you doing?”
“I… I want to know what your lips feel like,” I admitted quietly. Flame’s hand squeezed a bit
tighter.
“I’ve never done that before,” he admitted. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” Then he
closed his eyes and I saw his lips counting to eleven.
When he reached eleven, his eyes opened but the disbelief was still there. He inched back and
scanned down my body, as though checking me for injuries.
“I am well, Flame,” I assured again and his head dropped, forehead touching mine. We both froze at
the new contact, but neither of us moved away.
And then I moved my hand, still clutching his. Flame’s body was as tense as hard metal. But needing
to touch his face, I ran the edge of my index finger along his bearded cheek. Flame’s large panicked
eyes never strayed and his neck corded with veins.
When I had reached his jaw, I moved my finger back and repeated the action. I repeated it eleven
times. On number eleven, when nothing had happened, Flame’s lips trembled.
“You’re not hurt,” he stated with a broken voice laced with relief.
“I am not hurt,” I confirmed with a whisper. Flame’s large bare chest rolled slightly to the side.
With our hands still clasped, my chest pressed slightly against his, we froze.
We breathed.
We stared.
Lifting his free hand, Flame brought it to my cheek, hovering his palm just over my skin. I could see
in his eyes that he so desperately wanted to touch my face. So taking my free hand, I brought it behind
his and, gently touching the back of his hand, pressed his palm to my cheek.
As soon as his touch held my face, something inside of me was freed. Years and years of fear. Freed
from fear of men, of living a lie.
I could not help but drink in the image before me. Our joined hands pressed to Flame’s cheek, and
our other hands touching mine. My eyes lowered to Flame’s mouth once more. As if seeing my
attention shift, Flame’s stomach muscles tensed and his hips shifted. Regardless, I could not look
away.
Flame’s hand, cupping my cheek, tightened its grip, and when I saw his burning dark eyes staring at
my mouth, a new kind of tension flashed between us.
“Maddie,” Flame groaned, chest pounding hard.
“Flame,” I whispered in return, his name a breathy moan from my lips.
And then he was guiding me down. With his hand on my face, he pulled me down until my breasts
pressed flat against his chest. At the contact, we both stilled.
“Breathe,” I spoke aloud, an instruction to both Flame and myself.
Flame inhaled deeply and I followed his lead. As I paused to drink in this moment, I realized the
sheer size Flame’s chest. He felt bigger than he looked… but I felt safe.
When Flame’s hand stroked along my jaw, it brought his lips back to my attention. Moving my hand
from his cheek, I ran it to his mouth and traced the outline of his lips with my fingertip. Flame’s hips
bucked upwards at the touch, though his eyes hooded.
With his body tensed, he lowered me down the final few inches, until my lips pressed against his,
my eyes closing at the strange feeling. At first touch we both remained unmoving, my face suspended
over his, his warm moist lips pressed stationary against mine.
Then his finger stroked along my cheek, and his lips began to move so gently against my lips. And I
felt this kiss all the way to my soul.
Flame’s mouth continued to explore, then to my surprise, I felt his tongue softly, tentatively and
nervously, slip into my mouth as he released a quiet groan.
My cheeks flooded with heat, my body feeling so different than ever before—alive with light and
fire, but safe and filled with trust. Pushing my nerves to their limit, my tongue shyly met Flame’s.
Shivers accosted my body as our tongues timidly dueled, both of us trying to understand this strange
new sensation. Soft and humble at first, but then a louder, more heated groan sounded from Flame.
His tongue further filled my mouth and Flame increased his speed. And I felt like I was floating, as
our mouths fused as one. It felt like I was not me.
I was not Maddie.
He was not Flame.
But then my heart swelled when I remembered it truly was us. The hand on my face was his, and the
mouth taking mine so devotedly, was Flame's.
My Flame.
Another groan came from his mouth, the sound shooting straight between my legs. I clenched my
thighs, trying to stave off the heat. But it did not go, and out of breath and completely confused, I
broke my mouth from Flame’s on a gasp.
Inhaling deep, Flame’s eyes opened. His focus latched on me. Nothing was said as we stared into
each other’s eyes. Our hands never moved. And we never stopped touching.
Then my heart shattered, and utterly surrendered itself to this man, when he rasped in awe,
“Maddie… I can touch you… I can…”
On a quick groan, Flame slipped his hand behind my neck, and brought me to his chest. I could hear
his moan of pain, of him fighting his abhorrence of my touch as our flesh collided. He wrapped his
arms around me and held on tight. He was fighting his repulsion to touch. He was fighting it so he
could hold me in his arms.
Flame’s large frame encompassed mine, his strong hold crushing me so fiercely. My cheek was
flush against his skin, and with shaking hands, I moved my arms and wrapped them around his waist,
holding him too. He stiffened as my arms connected with his bare skin, but thankfully he held me
harder and breathed long calming breaths into my hair.
We lay in silence.
Just as I feared my heart would burst from happiness, from this liberation of what we had both just
accomplished, Flame whispered, “Just like your picture, Maddie. I’m holding you just like your
sketch.”
 Chapter Eighteen

Flame

I was holding her.

I’d kissed her.
She was in my fucking arms.
And I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that the flames hadn’t hurt her. I’d counted to eleven
when my hand had been in hers, when her finger had touched my cheek, and when I’d brought her to
my lips.
But nothing. She was alive. She was in my arms and she was alive.
Taking in a deep breath, Maddie’s hands moved on the skin of my waist. I groaned, both a mixture
of my body trying to throw off her touch, but also wanting her closer.
Needing more.
My cock was pushing against my leathers at the feel of Maddie on top of me. Her tiny fucking
fingers were stroking along my skin and I had to grit my teeth against the need to roll over and take
her.
But I didn’t know how I could do that. Touching her and kissing her was one thing, but actually
fucking her?
I wasn’t sure either of us could do it.
Maddie sighed, and rubbing her cheek against my chest said, “I never… I never thought this could
happen. To us… with us…” Maddie lifted her head and she looked directly into my eyes. Her cheeks
were red. Lifting a hand from her back, I slowly brought it to the side of her face. Maddie’s green
eyes fluttered to a close when I eventually pressed my palm to her skin.
And then she smiled, cooling the flames in my blood and replacing their heat with nothing. I wanted
nothing. I didn’t want to feel anything under my skin.
Maddie’s cheek nuzzled my palm and I couldn’t stop staring at what she looked like above me. How
soft her small cheek felt in my large hand.
“You like this?” I asked, knowing it was true because of the flush to her cheek.
“Yes,” she whispered back, and stilled. My heart stopped in panic. I thought something was wrong,
but then Maddie slowly lowered and brushed her lips against mine. She quickly pulled back, and kept
her head low. “But I liked that more.”
My cock jerked in my leathers and I knew she felt it against her leg. Maddie shook her head. “I… I
do not think… I d-do n-not know… if…” she stuttered and added, “if I can go that far.”
My body relaxed, and I replied, “Me too.”
 Maddie lifted her gaze to meet mine and nodded her head. “But I like you touching me. You make
me feel safe.”
“You cool my blood,” I replied.
Maddie’s hand met my cheek and her fingers began running through my beard. “Your beard is softer
than I imagined. And your skin is smoother.” Her head tilted to the side. “When I sketch I try to
imagine how it feels under my touch. I would spend hours looking out of my window just trying to
imagine the feel and what it looked like up close. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would
ever get to do this. My drawings have always been things that I imagined myself doing but believed
were impossible. Now… now I am all a fluster that it has become a reality.”
I thought of her black and white sketches, thought of the one of her and I standing with my arms
wrapped around her and her head to my chest. “I like your drawings.” I said and felt my forehead
crease. “I never know what people are feeling until they tell me. I never know what it means when
their expressions change, until they tell me what they are thinking. It’s the same with you too, but I
knew what you wanted from me with those drawings. I could see what you wanted from life. I could
see that you wanted to touch me, and that you wanted to walk outside without fear. That you want to
stand next to me, holding my hand, outside.”
I brought Maddie closer with my hand on her face and said, “I want to understand you, Maddie. I
want to understand your world.”
Maddie’s eyes searched mine, and she said, “It is simple, really. There is me. There is my love for
sketching, the love I have for my sisters…” she swallowed and dipped her head, “and the way I feel
about you.” She whispered the last part so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.
My heart hammered in my chest, and I asked, “How do you feel about me?”
Maddie’s finger moved from my face to trace down the flame tattoos covering my neck, then those
that led down to my chest. She traced along the ink until her heart stopped over the place of my heart.
“That you are my anchor. You are the one I was meant to find on this Earth.” Her finger stopped and
she looked into my eyes. “That you are the one for me. Only you can understand me, Flame. No one
else. You have spent your entire life lost, not understanding what people want, but with me, you
always know how to make me happy. How to make me feel safe.”
My stomach ached with those words. Only you can understand me…
She wasn’t laughing at me. She was smiling at me, because she wanted me.
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
And she was so beautiful. Her big eyes, her full lips, her flushed cheeks. I knew I’d always want to
look at her. But her hair was up, and I’d always wanted to touch her hair.
Reaching up with my hand, I placed it over the hair gathered at the back of her head and said, “Take
your hair down.”
Maddie lifted her hand and began slipping pins out. In seconds her long thick black hair fell down
and lay over her shoulder. The soft ends spread over my chest. I pushed my fingers through the strands
and felt it between my fingers.
Maddie sighed. I could feel her looking at me, head tilted slightly to the side. My hand brought her
hair to my nose and I inhaled. Strawberries.
It was silent for several minutes as I stroked through her hair, then Maddie said, “I wish to lay in
your bed.”
Maddie’s small frame lifted above me and she brought my hand to her lips.
When she dropped them back to my chest, I said, “I don’t sleep in a bed. I sleep on the floor,” I
sucked in a breath, thinking of the cellar. “I have to sleep over the hatch.”
Maddie blinked up at me. “You do not have to sleep on the cold floor. You deserve better. You
deserve to sleep in a bed… with me…”
I shook my head, remembering the years I sat on the cellar’s dirt floor, the darkness, the knife, and
him as he pushed inside me. And then that night, the screaming… the night my touch hurt my brother,
when the evil came out.
Maddie’s hand landed on my cheek causing me to jump back. “No, Flame. Do not go there in your
head. Come with me instead. Trust me.” She pressed my hand to her heart. “I am not hurt. Your touch
has not hurt me.”
I stared over her shoulder in the direction of the bedroom, and with a clenched jaw, nodded my
head. Maddie exhaled a long breath. We got to our feet, then walked to the bedroom door and she
pulled me through.
Her hands were shaking as she climbed on the small bed. Maddie shuffled backward until her back
pressed against the wall. I followed her to the mattress. Lying on my side, I held Maddie’s stare,
chasing down the fucking discomfort at being in this bed.
“Flame,” Maddie called. “Focus on my hand in yours,” she continued, and she linked her fingers
through mine. I stared at our hands, when a finger on her free hand lifted and ran over the raised scar
on my stomach. “What is this from?” she asked.
I clamped my eyes shut, feeling the rattler’s fangs sinking into my flesh; Pastor Hughes declaring that
I was a sinner, that evil ran in my veins because I was slow. Because of how I behaved.
“Flame?” Maddie pushed. I opened my eyes on a gasp.
“The snake,” I croaked, “the snake they put on me at church. The snake that told me I was a sinner.
That I had hellfire in my blood.”
“I cannot begin to imagine…” Maddie shook her head.
“And people would scream. They would fall to their knees around me, praying for my soul. Because
I was evil. Because I had evil in my blood.”
Maddie shook her head. “They were wrong.”
Maddie inched closer, and with her fingers running up and down my cheek, she stated, “That was
why you came to my church that day? You feared they were hurting me, as you have been hurt?”
My eyebrows pulled down. I didn’t understand. “They don’t do that at your church?” I searched
Maddie’s eyes for lies.
“No,” she said quietly, “at this church they do not touch me. Only at…” she took a deep breath,
“only at The Order did they cause me pain. But this church is better. I sit at a statue and listen to
music coming from the choir. I am not harmed. I am left alone.”
I shook my head, every muscle tensing at her words. “I don’t understand. Church is where you get
hurt.”
Maddie shook her head. “No, Flame. I believe that your church, and the commune, were different.
They hurt us. But most do not.” My eyebrows pulled down when Maddie laughed a humorless laugh.
“Truth is, Flame, I do not even believe in God anymore. At least, I do not think I do. Too much has
happened to me in my life for me to believe that an all-powerful being is out there watching over me,
protecting me. I have lost my faith. But I went to church as a reprieve to the suffocating solitude of my
room at Mae’s house.” Her big green eyes held mine, and she admitted, “You were gone for weeks.
Gone from below my bedroom window and I could not cope. You had become the center of my
world. You were my day and night as you paced beneath my room. But then you got shot and
disappeared from my life. I did not know what to do. So I joined Lilah and Mae at church. I tried to
pray for your return, but every day I lost faith when I came home to find you were not watching over
me. So I kept going. I went there to listen to the music. To sit and watch people living their lives,
while I simply existed in the shadows.”
Maddie pulled my hand to her face and she tucked it under her warm cheek. “Until the day I heard
you shouting my name from outside. And you were back. My sun, my light. You were back.”
Maddie’s lip hooked up in the corner. “And here we are now. Touching. Together.”
My heart felt like it was filling my chest. Then she said, “But I must go to church tomorrow, for
Sarai,” and it fucking smashed.
“No,” I bit out, ice ripping through my veins. “You’re not going back there. I can’t go in those
fucking places. I can’t protect you.”
“There is nothing to protect me from, Flame. I am accompanying Mae and Lilah, to show Sarai there
is more to faith than what we knew at The Order. I understand what she is feeling. She is so young
and fearful. And she is most like me in disposition—quiet and withdrawn. I feel I must go.”
Maddie’s finger lifted to circle the flame tattoos on my chest and she said, “I promise you that I will
not be hurt. I will only be there for a few hours, then I will return home.” She paused and then
whispered, “I will return home to… you… to this cabin… and I shall never return to that place.
Because you have returned. You are my faith awakened.”
My throat swelled. “Maddie,” I called and leaned in to her mouth. Maddie’s breathing was as fast
as mine, then I leaned in further and pressed my lips to hers.
She was so soft.
I never wanted to break away.
When I pulled back, Maddie asked, “What is your name?”
My muscles froze and I asked, “My name?” A white hot pain ripped through my fucking skull.
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “What was your name before you were Flame?”
My eyes squeezed shut, and I pulled my hand back and clawed at my arm. I hissed as the flames
ignited… I hated that fucking name. I HATED that fucking name!
“Shh… Flame, calm,” Maddie soothed. I looked up to see her holding out her hand. “Forget that I
asked, it is unimportant, just as my former name is now nothing to me.”
I wanted to claw at my skin, when I heard his voice growling that name in my head, but Maddie
closed in further, and swallowing her nerves, she slowly wrapped her arms around me. I fucking
froze as her hands touched my back then, as his voice disappeared under Maddie’s touch, I wrapped
my arms around her too. I breathed fast into her neck, relaxing as her fingers traced up and down my
spine.
I squeezed my eyes shut and held on tight, then Maddie whispered, “I am Maddie and you are
Flame. We are no longer who we were before.” I pulled her closer as she spoke those words. In
minutes I’d relaxed on the bed I’d never slept in, holding my Maddie close…
… falling asleep as I held her, like I did in her picture.
 Chapter Nineteen

Maddie

I could feel Flame’s eyes watching me as I brushed through my hair and tied it back in a bun.
I smoothed my hands over my dress and slipped my feet into my shoes. Checking the time, I saw that
Mae, Lilah and Sarai would be here for me any minute. Turning round, Flame was sitting against the
wall, his dark eyes watching me.
My heart fluttered, and a blush coated my cheeks when I remembered waking this morning, my head
laying on his chest and his arm around my shoulders.
And there were no nightmares. I had no unwanted memories of my time in the commune. And for
once, I woke not to the intense fear that my new freedom was nothing save a dream, but to the heady
knowledge that I was in Flame’s cabin, safe. And his huge arms were holding me close.
We lay in silence, wrapped in each other’s arms, for most of the morning. Until I had lifted my head
and smiled at Flame’s expressionless face. I had lost my happy demeanor instantly.
“What is wrong?” I had asked.
Flame’s jaw tensed and he said, “Last night I laid in this bed, with you in my arms, listening to you
sleep. But I barely slept. I couldn’t sleep thinking of you leaving to go to that church. I couldn’t sleep
worrying about finding this with you, being able to touch you, kiss you… and losing you.” Flame had
turned over his scarred arms, showing me his wrist and, running his arm along the flesh, he had said,
“You cool the flames. But without you they come back. When I’m angry they come back. And when I
think of you going in that fucking church, I can feel them waking. I can feel them beginning to push
through my veins.”
Sitting up, I cupped Flame’s cheeks in my hands, his beard tickling my palms, and I said, “I will be
fine. And the flames are not there. Think of me if they come back. Remember holding me and your
touch not harming me.”
Flame had nodded his head, but his eyes remained on his wrist. Since then he had not said much.
As I lowered to the floor, Flame looked up. “They will be here soon,” I said, and reached out my
hand. Flame took it in his, and his nostrils flared. “I will not be long. In that time, I think you should
sleep.” I lifted my hand to run my finger along the dark circles under his eyes. “You are tired.”
Flame stared away across the room, and I knew the thought of my going to church frightened him.
And when I thought of what was done to him as a child in his place of worship, I had to fight back my
anger at what he’d endured.
A knock sounded at the door. Flame tensed. Getting to my feet, Flame rose to his, his large frame
towering over me. The silence was stifling as he stared down at me. Putting both his hands on my
cheek, he leaned down and softly pressed his lips against mine.
They were so soft. So gentle. My eyes welled with tears, because I knew that kiss was how he felt
about me. I knew from that kiss that he cared beyond measure. That I was precious to him. And that he
did not want me to go.
Pulling back, Flame put his forehead to mine and exhaled a breath. I ran my hand up his arm and
whispered, “I shall miss you too.”
Flame’s exhale told me I had read his kiss correctly.
A second knock sounded as Mae’s voice called out my name. “Maddie?”
Closing my eyes, I breathed though my nose and declared, “I must go.”
Flame did not say anything, rather he just released his hands from my face and followed me to the
door. I opened the door to find Mae, Lilah, Sarai and Ky. Mae’s eyes immediately checked me over,
and Ky’s face was stern as he looked past me to Flame.
His eyes narrowed. “You good, brother?”
“You fucking take care of Maddie. Don’t let anyone hurt her. Because I’ll kill them if they do, VP.
I’ll fucking kill them.”
Sarai stepped back at Flame’s threatening tone. Ky crossed his arms over his chest. “Reel it the fuck
in, Flame,” he bit back.
“Promise me,” Flame snapped.
Ky’s jaw clenched and he said, “You think I’m gonna let anything happen to my bitch?”
Feeling the air crackle with tension, I turned to Flame and reached down to hold his hand. I heard
the gasps of shock behind us, but I ignored my sisters and Sarai, to say, “Ky will take care of me,
Flame. He protects Lilah as you do me.”
Flame’s dark eyes were focused on mine, the dilation of his pupils betraying his nerves over my
leaving. I squeezed his fingers and assured, “I will be only a few hours. Then I will be coming right
back to you.”
Flame’s head dropped, and I released his hand to join my sisters. I could see their questioning
gazes, but I kept my head down and made a beeline for Ky’s truck. The door was unlocked, and I sat
inside waiting for the others to join us.
As Mae and Sarai sat beside me, and Lilah and Ky sat in the front seats, I glanced out of the window
and saw Flame still standing in the doorway, watching me.
My heart fluttered anew, and a smile broke on my lips knowing that he was mine. He had midnight
eyes. Was pierced. Tattooed. Strong. And filled with pure rage. But he was mine. And when he was
mine, he was gentle, caring, and just as broken as I. And I adored that it was me who got to witness
that side of him, and me alone.
He was special to me, as I was special to him.
“We ready?” Ky asked. In unison, Mae and Lilah answered 'yes'. As we pulled away, I waved to
Flame, seeing him walk out of the door and watch us go. When I saw his face blank, I almost shouted
to Ky to let me out, but then I thought of Sarai beside me, and I forced myself to stay.
The cabin of the truck was calm, until Mae asked, “Are you okay, Maddie?”
My eyes lifted to meet Mae’s and I nodded my head. “Yes.”
 Mae’s eyes were searching mine, but I did not want to speak. I knew how they felt about Flame. And
what broke my heart more was that he knew what people thought of him too. It was why he barely
spoke in company. Nobody understood the real Flame.
Nobody but me.
“Are you nervous, Sarai?” Mae asked. I looked to the small blonde teen. Sarai’s hands were tight in
her lap and she looked up to Mae.
“Yes,” she replied softly.
Lilah turned in her seat, her hand remaining in Ky’s. “There is no need to be, Sarai. Pastor James is
kind. She has closed the church so that no one will be there to make you nervous.” Lilah smiled and
sighed. “And you will see that the Lord can still be worshipped. Only purely, not contaminated by
hurtful men and false truths.”
Sarai sighed and shook her head. “I cannot imagine such a place, though I am excited to see it.”
My chest tightened as I stared at this young girl. I was beyond thankful that she had found the
courage to run away. I knew I would never have left if Mae had not returned. I would have spent my
entire life locked in that hell. Until the day Brother Moses killed me. Because he would have. I know
now that Brother Moses would have eventually broken me, as Gabriel had done Bella. And I would
never have met Flame.
And him not meeting me would have condemned him to a life alone too. I forced down the emotion
creeping up my throat and focused instead on remembering his lips against mine.
Without conscious thought, my fingers had lifted to my lips and a smile had graced my face.
My heart leapt with hope. Hope that, maybe together, we may not be so damaged. That we could
somehow make one another whole.
The journey passed quicker than most, my thoughts occupied by Flame. Then Ky pulled the truck to a
stop.
Mae took Sarai’s hand and left the truck. I went to leave when I saw Ky lean in to Lilah and crush
his mouth to hers. Lilah melted into his embrace, and they both broke away with leaden eyes.
“Love you, baby,” Ky hushed out.
Lilah leaned forward once more to press a single quick kiss to her husband’s lips. “I love you too.
So much,” she added, and my heart lurched with envy.
“Call me when you want picking up. I’ll be here, downtown, taking care of some business.”
“Okay,” Lilah replied and jumped out of the truck. I quickly left too. I joined Mae and Sarai on the
sidewalk. Sarai was staring up at the church, her mouth gaping at the sight.
“Beautiful, is it not?” Lilah prompted, as Ky’s truck pulled back onto the road.
“It is,” Sarai said, clearly in awe. As one, we ascended the steps. Lilah stepped through the large
wooden doors first, the three of us following behind. The church was completely silent. At the end,
Pastor James stood, obviously awaiting our arrival.
Seeing us enter, Pastor James came down from the altar and we met her half way down the aisle.
Her face broke into a smile and she embraced Lilah and Mae. When she reached me, she nodded her
head. Then her eyes fell upon Sarai.
“You must be Sarai,” she said. Sarai pressed closer into Mae, obviously shy at meeting the pastor
for the first time.
Mae put her arm around Sarai and nodded her head. “This is Sarai. She’s a little shy, but she’s
eager to see for herself how people worship here, in Our Savior.”
Pastor James smiled directly at Sarai and showed her the pews. “This is where we worship. The
congregation generally comes to a sermon on a Sunday, but the church is open for its people to come
by anytime, to worship in private or to have a quiet place for contemplation.”
I watched Sarai staring at Pastor James and my heart clenched at her face absorbing every word. I
understood how strange all of this would be for her. And at fourteen, she must feel so lost and alone.
My fingers tensing at what I was about to do, I took a deep breath, and reached down and took
Sarai’s hand in mine. Her blue eyes darted to me. I cast her a supportive smile. Sarai’s eyes dipped at
my hold, and I felt Mae’s hand squeeze my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she mouthed. I followed Pastor James, hand in hand with the little lost girl at my side.
We reached the altar and turned to face the body of the church. Pastor James stepped in front and
pointed to the balcony. “That’s where our choir practices and performs on a Sunday.” She turned
back round, and pointed to the altar. “This is where I preach my sermons, and offer the blood and
wine.”
Sarai’s hand began to tremble in mine. I glanced down at her hands to see her staring down, when
suddenly, she dropped my hand and reached into the long pocket of her dress. What followed seemed
to happen in slow motion.
Sarai pulled out a gun. In seconds she raised it to Pastor James’ head and pulled the trigger. The
sound of the firing of the bullet echoed like thunder in the church. Mae, Lilah and I leapt back, just as
the bullet passed through Pastor James’ head, blood showering our clothes as her lifeless body
dropped to the ground.
A scream tore from Lilah’s throat. My heart thundered in my chest.
Sarai then turned to us, the gun pointing at our chests.
“Sarai…” Mae whispered, her hand hovering over her mouth. “What have you done? What is
happening?”
Sarai’s always shy face then morphed into such a severe expression that my heart sank like a stone.
“Shut up!” she hissed, as the gun scanned the three of us. “Devil’s whores!” she spat, and shook her
head. “You are sinners, the Cursed Women of Eve. You are tainted by the devil and you must pay.”
My hands began to tremble. Mae reached for both Lilah and I. As my hand clasped Mae’s, Sarai
flicked her chin toward the rear of the church. “Move over there.” We stayed still. Mae begged,
“Please, Sarai…”
“I said move!” Sarai screamed. Mae led Lilah and I to the rear of the church. Sarai rocked on her
feet, her eyes flitting to the exit door.
“Why are you doing this, Sarai?” Lilah summoned the courage to ask.
 Sarai’s eyes narrowed on us, and she said, “You are a plague on our people and you must be taken
to New Zion. I was sent here to retrieve you. To bring you back to the Prophet.” Her eyes lit and she
said, “To face the penance for your betrayal.”
All of the blood drained from my face.
We were to be returned to our people.
Mae sucked in a sharp breath. “Prophet Cain ordered this? He ordered you to take the life of an
innocent, and retrieve us? You are a child!”
Sarai froze and said darkly, “I am old enough to serve God and my Prophet. We are in a holy war.
Innocent blood will be spilled. But the righteous will prevail.”
The back door suddenly burst open and two men came through. They wore all black, ski masks
covering most of their faces. They looked to Sarai through the eye slits in the woolen material. She
was still holding the gun.
“Are you Sarai?” one of them asked.
Sarai nodded her head and then the men turned to us. “Are these the whores?”
“Yes,” Sarai answered. Mae’s hold tightened into a grip.
“We’ve got the van in the alleyway, out back. We need to get to the meet point.”
The men stepped forward, and a cry slipped from my lips. One of the men gripped my arm, and the
other took hold of Mae and Lilah. In seconds their large bodies were dragging us from the church. All
three of us fought against their holds, but they were too strong. It was no use. I glanced behind to see
Sarai following, and beyond Sarai I could see Pastor James’ body sprawled on the floor, blood
flooding the hardwood beneath her.
Feeling nauseous, I fought back the vomit traveling up my throat. Then I caught Sarai’s eyes, and my
blood chilled. The look in her eyes was the same look that Brother Moses wore when he took me as a
child. The look that said he believed one hundred percent in what he was doing. That he was fueled
by the power of the Prophet. That he was fueled by God himself.
“Sarai,” I whispered, my heart beating at what she had done. She was so young, yet she had just
killed an innocent, without remorse. “Rethink this! Please!”
Her blue eyes narrowed and she shook her head. “You have been led astray, Whore. All of you
have. And you all lie with the enemy. Each and every one of you lies with one of the devil’s men.”
Sarai tightened her grip on the gun and said, “He told me you were corrupted, but hearing of it and
seeing it with my own two eyes; they are two entirely different things. But he will see that you are
punished. He will see that you all pay for what you have done.”
The man gripping my arm threw me forward and I landed in the back of a van. Lilah and Mae were
sitting opposite me. Then we were plunged into darkness, only a small crack of light sneaking through
the van’s doors. The engine fired up. My heart beat too fast and I felt I could not breathe as the
darkness closed in.
“Lord…” I heard Lilah whisper, her voice trembling in fear, “What is going to happen to us? How
did this happen?”
“Sarai,” I whispered back. “She was lying all along. Her appearance at the compound was a set up.
For the Prophet. Ky and Styx had proper cause to doubt her intentions after all.”
Silence followed, then Mae said brokenly, “And I convinced Styx to let her stay. Lilah took her in
and cared for her.” Mae’s head dropped into her hands and she said, “I always believed Cain was
truly, underneath it all, the man I got to know as Rider. That he was just as lost as we three.
Brainwashed, raised to believe wrong and hurtful things. But Sarai said we were to be taken to him.
I… I…” Mae trailed off. Even in this darkness I could feel the sadness engulfing her body.
Silence reigned as the van began to move, then Lilah said, “Neither of you have seen New Zion. It is
nothing like our old commune. And the Elders and Disciples to Prophet Cain… they are worse, if that
is possible.” Lilah’s voice cut off, and she sniffed back her emotion. “I fear we will not see Ky or
Styx again.”
My heart missed a beat at the pain in her voice, and I added, “Or my Flame.”
Mae and Lilah did not say anything in return, and feeling tears trickle down my cheeks, I confided,
“He kissed me. Yesterday, we kissed…” A sob built in my throat but I managed to add, “and he held
my hand. He touched me, and I cherished it. He kissed me. Against all odds, we kissed… and it was
just as you both described… it was everything, and now I have lost him…”
“Maddie,” Mae whispered.
Then my fear spiked as I thought of what could lie ahead. I felt my body seize as my mind took me
back to the memories I had pushed way into the dark recesses of my mind. Back to the commune.
Back to when Mae had run away and the people were in panic. Back to the day that all four of the
Elders came for me, to rid me of my family’s original sin…
I scurried into the corner when I heard footsteps approaching our quarters. But it was not a
single set of footsteps. I could hear many. Many footsteps approaching our door.
“Maddie?” Lilah called from across the room. But I did not look to where she sat. I could not.
My eyes were transfixed on the door. Transfixed on the many shadows moving in the hallway.
My arms wrapped around my legs, and I held on tight. For a fleeting moment I had the silly
thought that if I made myself small enough, that if I pressed myself against the wall as small as I
possibly could, then the Elders might leave me alone.
But as I heard deep voices echoing behind the door, I knew nothing I did could hide me from
them. Since Mae had left they looked upon me—her blood sister—with increasing anger and
suspicion. I had heard their hushed whispers as they discussed the innate sin found in our family
line. And I had heard them decide that it was a problem that needed to be remedied through the
sister who remained.
I knew they would be coming for me, to be punished in Mae’s stead.
The doorknob suddenly turned, and hearing my deep shallow breaths roaring in my ears, the
door opened to reveal Brother Moses’ broad frame.
His eyes immediately sought me out.
As he found me, curled tightly against the far back wall, he flicked his hand, his silent command
for me to stand. Feeling my legs might fail, I used my hands on the wall to help me get to my feet.
Brother Moses turned without a word and walked out of the door. I followed behind, unable to
even glance at Lilah as I passed. I feared I could not withstand the fear and sympathy that would
be in her pretty blue gaze.
Brother Moses turned to walk down the hallway, to the room we always went to when he took me
in a brother-sister exchange. But as I risked a glance to search the rest of the hallway, I wondered
where the other Elders had gone?
As we arrived at Moses’ room, my question was answered.
Brothers Jacob, Noah and Gabriel stood in the center of Moses’ room beside the shackle table.
The table that I would be taken on every night, whipped and chained, while Moses exorcised my
sinful soul. The table he had taken me on as a child.
Each Elder had removed their shirts and pants, and were all watching me, their hands moving
back and forth on their erect lengths. And fear, like I had never experienced before, took hold.
My feet, seeming to move of their own accord, stumbled backwards, everything within me telling
me to run. But just as I turned in terror of what they wanted to do with me, a hand gripped my arm
—Brother Moses. I cried out in pain as he dragged me backwards, slamming the door, trapping me
inside.
Spinning me round, Brother Moses jerked me to stand before him, my neck snapping back at the
force. Tightening his grip on my arm, he reached up and stroked his callused finger down my face
and over my neck. My skin crawled at his familiar rough touch, and I flinched.
Moses’ finger stopped as he met the high neckline of my dress. I panted, trying to breathe
through my fear, when he said, “You see, brothers, her tainted soul pulls back from the Lord’s
touch.”
And my heart fell. My heart fell at the look of determination in all the brothers’ stares. The
determination to exorcize my sin.
I fought back a whimper as Brother Moses began to close in to my body, his tobacco smell filling
my nose. His breath washed over my face as he reached around my waist and slowly pulled down
the zipper on my dress.
In seconds my dress had hit the floor, along with my modesty. And I was bared to the Elders.
Bare and shaking. Moses never allowed me to wear undergarments, a law I despised. He did not
like to have to fight to take me.
Brother Gabriel stepped forward, and Brother Moses’ moved aside. I wanted to cover my body. I
wanted to turn and flee, wanted to be left alone, but I fought the urge and remained utterly still.
These men had me under their control. I had always obeyed their every command.
Gabriel’s hand lifted, and he licked along his bottom lip as his fingers ran over my nipple. Tears
filled my eyes at being touched so by the second in command to the Prophet, but I blinked them
away, forcing myself to endure his exploration.
But that finger then began to move south, down to my most private area. As Gabriel’s finger
pushed through my folds, a pained cry slipped from my lips. I could not stomach the feel of his
touch. I wanted to hit his hand away, I wanted to tell him to stop. But I knew I did not have that
much power.
 And I would be punished further. I could not stand to be punished further.
Gabriel’s eyes flared as he rubbed his finger between my legs, and his face moved closer to mine.
Just before his mouth met my ear, he thrust his finger deep within me, and I cried out in pain.
“I see Jezebel and Salome in your face, Magdalene. I see Satan’s impurity possessing your soul
as clearly as it possessed theirs.” Leaning his head back, his eyes ran over my face and he
groaned. “Those eyes, those lips, that hair. It is the curse of your family. The curse of Eve.”
I closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as his face moved back. Then with his hand on my
arm, Gabriel spun me around and bent my torso over the table to the side, my breasts smacking on
the wood. As my cheek hit the table, I felt him at my back as a blinding pain flashed over my face.
My legs were kicked apart, and before I had time to prepare for his intrusion, he slammed inside
me. A scream left my mouth, feeling like he was ripping me apart, but Gabriel’s grip only
tightened on the back of my neck, forcing me to endure.
“Scream, Satan’s whore. Scream as we rid the evil from your soul,” Gabriel snarled as he built
up speed, his fingernails digging into the nape of my neck.
I tried to block it all out, I tried to think of something else, but movement from the side caught my
eye. The rest of the Elders were closing in. And at that minute I lost all hope. For I knew they were
all to take me. All four were here to take me. One by one.
Tears streamed from my eyes as Gabriel roared out his release. Before I even had time to brace
for what would come next, I was dragged to the wall by my already-bruised arm and my wrists
were shackled on short chains that hung high from the exposed brick.
And this time Moses closed in. Because this was what Moses did. He took me on these shackles
he treasured so much, and caused me endless hours of pain.
My arms ached as I fought the strength of the chains, but Moses simply lifted my legs, ignoring
my struggle. Making sure I looked him in the eyes, he pushed forward, the red-hot agony causing
me to see spots.
And he did not stop. He surged forward at an unrelenting pace, biting my skin, until I screamed
for him to stop. Until I begged. He always wanted me to beg.
As he released his seed within me, he pulled back. My body weak and tired, I hung from the
chains, the tips of my toes scraping against the ground. My head hung down toward my chest, the
aching soreness between my legs too much to bear. Then my throbbing legs were lifted again and
spread wide. Rolling my head to lift, I saw Brother Jacob’s face, just as he forced himself within
me.
Only this time I did not scream.
I did not scream as they each took me repeatedly against the wall. As they each chained me down
to the table and forced themselves on me again.
And it did not stop. These four men came back for me every night, to take me again and again and
again, until I could not bear the touch of another.
Until I could not stand the sight of myself.
They made me bleed. They tortured my soul. They ripped through my sin, over and over and over
—
“Maddie! No! Do not. Do not do this to yourself. Maddie!” I blinked into the darkness, my head
clearing from my nightmare, to see Mae before me.
Her hand ran over my face, my head and my arms. “Maddie. Speak to me. You are sweating and
shaking. Please, do not let those men win. Do not let the memories regain their hold on you. You have
come so far. Be strong. Fight them back.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words slipped out. My body trembled, and Mae held my face
steady in her cupped hands. Searching my face, she said, “Please, Maddie. Speak to me. I need you to
be strong for me.”
This time when I opened my mouth, I spoke from heart. As I knew only one person could calm me
from my nightmare. Only one person could understand how this felt. And as I managed to speak, I
managed to express what I needed most.
“Flame…” I whispered. “I… I need my Flame.”
 Chapter Twenty

Prophet Cain

“Are you ready, Cain?”

Judah’s hand landed on my shoulder as I stood outside the mansion. Judah was dressed in his black
sweater, cargos and boots, as was I. Whatever he wanted me to see, a secret development he had
been working on, was outside of New Zion.
“I’m ready,” I said and followed his lead down to the waiting van. I frowned seeing the blacked out
van. Stopping, I looked to Judah whose eyes were lit with excitement. “A van?” I questioned. “Why
do we need a van?”
Judah released my shoulder and climbed into the van. Brother Luke was sitting behind the wheel. He
bowed to me as I clambered in.
My attention was still on Judah, waiting for him to answer my question. I tapped the door of the van
and repeated, “The van?”
Judah glanced over to Brother Luke and smirked. “You will see, brother. We need to pick something
up. And you will no doubt be pleased. What I have done, I have done for you, and you alone. You will
be pleased. And this surprise will bring us all one step closer to our vision.”
I frowned, unsure what his surprise could be, but I was content with his answer. Since our
disagreement over the child videos a few days prior, we had not been talking as much as normal. He
had not visited me at the mansion, and for the first time in a long time, I had felt completely alone.
Without Judah, I was lost.
“Thank you,” I said a minute later, as we pulled out of the back gate of the commune and onto a
secluded road.
Judah turned to look at me. Then a smile spread on his lips. I could see how much my thanks had
meant to him. His hand covered mine. “I know that you do not see the purpose in our ways sometimes,
but know that I am doing this for you. Our people believe in you, Prophet Cain. They see your face
and know that God is with them. As do I. These early months, maybe even years, were always going
to bring a period of adjustment.”
I squeezed Judah’s hand and sat back in my seat. Brother Luke cleared his throat, and said, “I have
scheduled a Lord’s Sharing for this week’s end. Prophet David used to lead them in the old commune,
but I know it is something that Judah has been leading in New Zion, since you have yet to take a
consort or wife.” Brother Luke shifted in his seat and said, “The people are beginning to question
why they have not been happening more regularly. We should be holding at least three a week. It is
essential for the men to achieve their celestial meditation. Our people lose faith if these acts are not
performed.”
I tensed as Brother Luke’s words assaulted my ears, and I could feel Judah stiffen beside me.
 The Lord’s Sharing. The brother-sister exchange. I shook my head trying to erase what Mae had told
me about those ceremonies, and also what Judah said about his involvement in awakening young girls.
After Judah and I had argued over the videos, I had sought out Prophet David’s private letters and
there, in black and white, were his revealed words from God. He had preached about age not being
relevant in taking a wife or consort, just as it had not been in the bible. But as I read those words and
pictured the young girls dancing on the videos, I felt sick; knowing that men, grown men, would be
taking them carnally in a brother-sister exchange.
“Brother,” Judah advised. His hand gripped my knee tightly. “Do not give our people cause to doubt
you. We have called them all back from around the world, to unite as one commune, one community
under God, with you as His messenger. After the devil’s men attacked, the men you spent five years
living with, they look to you for guidance.” Judah leaned forward until I met his eyes and he
emphasized, “We need order. We need our beliefs and customs to be honored, or our people will not
trust in your judgment. With the Klan on our side, we are growing financially. We are protected from
the outside world. It is now time to focus within the confines of our walls. Thousands and thousands
are waiting for your leadership to shine through. Sermons are not enough. You need to lead more of
the Sacred Circles and finally appear at the Lord’s Sharings.”
Judah’s words were right. My uncle performed these ceremonies, and our people never doubted
him. And I knew, as per our traditions, I had to lead these practices. Our beliefs were based on sexual
pleasure, even if I had never experienced it myself.
“Brother?” Judah prompted. I nodded my head.
“I will lead them,” I agreed, fighting my inner will, which taught me otherwise.
Judah’s face split into a huge grin. “Perfect,” he sighed in relief. “And believe me, you will want to
participate after today.”
I frowned again. But all I could replay in my head were Mae’s words… Have you ever raped a
child… have you ever taken a child in a brother-sister exchange…
As the van drove on, I looked out of the window, then closed my eyes. I prayed to the Lord to help
me navigate this nightmare.

*****

An hour later, Brother Luke pulled onto a side road, a dirt path to a familiar place.
“Why are we here?” I asked Judah.
“You know this place?” he asked in surprise.
I nodded. “Judah, what—”
“You have waited this long, brother. Just a few more minutes and you will see what I have done for
you.”
I looked out of the window at the ghost town we used to use in drop offs with the Hangmen, and my
stomach rolled in trepidation. There was nothing here. Nothing here but derelict buildings and dirt.
 I sat in silence as we approached a dark old mill. There was a van out front, but nothing else. As our
van drew to a halt, two men came out of the mill.
The men were dressed all in black. They weren’t from the commune. They were no one I
recognized.
The bigger one of the two flicked his chin as we got out of the van. “Judah?” he asked, but I shook
my head and pointed to my brother. The man smirked. “Fuck. Hard to tell you two apart.”
Judah stepped forward and took the lead. “Did it all go well?”
“Like clockwork,” the man replied. “Our men went in and moved the stiff. Nothing will be left when
the next person turns up. Total disappearance. Records have been wiped about who she was meeting.
No traces, like the Klan’s Grand Wizard paid us to do. We do shit right. That’s why he put us on the
job.”
Paid men, I thought. But what did Judah need paid men for?
“And the stock?” Judah asked.
“In the mill. Along with the girl.”
Judah’s eyes brightened again. I wondered what had got him so excited. Then he turned to me.
“Ready for your surprise?”
I cautiously nodded my head. Judah and I followed the men toward the mill. Silence reigned as we
approached. The man Judah had spoken to unlocked the large mill door. In a matter of seconds he
pulled it wide open. Dim light from oil lamps spilled onto the dirt road and we all stepped inside. At
first I could see nothing but an empty old mill. Then, at the back I could see a young girl holding a gun
at someone tucked behind a wooden partition.
Lord, I thought. The girl looked all of thirteen or fourteen, maybe? And she was one of ours; dressed
in the commune’s uniform gray dress and white headdress.
The paid men turned and smiled. “Refused to move for even a second. Said she was a soldier in the
holy war, and that she would keep her post until you guys arrived.”
I narrowed my eyes on the girl, trying hard to recognize her. I could not, but when I turned to Judah,
he was watching her. Watching her like she was his everything. Like he used to look at Phebe…
No…
“Brother Judah.” The female voice came from the young girl. When I moved my attention toward the
back of the mill, the young girl came running toward Judah and immediately wrapped her arms around
his waist. Judah’s arms circled her back and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
My heart sank as I looked at my brother, my twenty-four year old twin brother who pushed the girl
back and smash his lips to her mouth. I watched in shock, only for him to break from the kiss and turn
her to me. Her blue eyes immediately dropped and she bowed her head. “Prophet, I am honored to
meet you.”
My gaze snapped to Judah who was smiling proudly. “This is Sarai, brother. My consort. Is she not
beautiful?”
I had no words in response, and Judah stepped closer. “She has been integral to my plan, to my
surprise for you.” Judah reached out and took Sarai’s hand. “You did well, my love.”
Her blue eyes sparkled at my brother and then her lip curled. “They are whores. All of them. The
men they reside with, the devil’s men, they are impure, sinners of the worst kind. I felt sick the entire
time I was with them. But I kept strong for the cause. I kept focus on our plan. And they never doubted
me for a second.”
Judah kissed her head and with his arm around her shoulders, promised. “They will be exorcised of
their misgivings when we return home. They will be punished, and you will be praised. Just wait until
our people hear of what you have done for them.”
I listened to Judah talk to Sarai. And I watched as he led her forward toward the wooden partition.
But all I could hear in my head was, They are whores. All of them. The men they reside with, the
devil’s men, they are impure, sinners of the worst kind…
No, I thought, as my heart slammed in my chest. He would not go against my orders. He did not go
in and retrieve them, not until we were strong, not until we were ready; surely he did not—
“Brother, come,” Judah said, smiling at me as he stood looking behind the partition at someone. “I
have something you need to see.”
My legs felt as though they were carrying dead weight as I walked forward. And as I passed the
wooden partition, I heard a gasp and my eyes snapped to the left.
My breathing stilled when I saw her, and my pulse took off like a bat out of hell in my neck. She
looked exactly the same. Long black hair, the purest and palest of white skin, and ice blue eyes. Eyes
that were abnormally wide as they stared up at me now.
And it felt like it was just yesterday that I’d seen her. Felt like just yesterday when we had sat
together in my room, watching movies and lazing on the couch.
“Mae,” I whispered, as I took a step forward.
But Mae flinched at my movement, and the sisters at her side curled further into her. It took me a
moment to realize that they were all terrified. That Mae was fearful of me.
Me.
A hand clapped on my shoulder and Judah stood by my side. I saw Mae look from Judah to me and
back again, as though she could not believe what stood before her. “This is your gift?” I asked Judah,
quietly. “You retrieved the Cursed from the Hangmen, without my permission?”
Judah’s hand became iron tight and I heard his quick inhale of breath at the tone of my voice. “You
need a wife, brother. And I knew you would only take her,” he pointed to Mae and bit out, “Salome.
The destined wife of the Prophet.” Judah sighed, but added, “I know you said to wait, but we are
protected by God. And you need a wife.” He pointed at Mae. “You need her.”
Mae’s eyes closed as she heard those words, and I stepped forward again, shrugging off Judah’s
hold. “Leave us,” I said to Judah and Brother Luke, who had been waiting behind us.
“But, Cain—”
“I said leave us!” I shouted, as I glanced behind to meet my brother’s eyes. His jaw clenched as he
stared me down, but he turned and left the mill, taking the child and the men with him.
 When they had gone, I ran my hands through my hair. What had he been thinking? Sending that child
in—a child he had been taking sexually—into the Hangmen's compound to retrieve the Cursed. We
were not strong enough. And Styx would bring all of Hades’ fury on the commune when he realized
she was gone. All three were here, and it would not take long for the Prez to work out where they had
been taken. I was to get her, in time. But not yet.
Not fucking yet!
“Cain?” The soft sound of Mae’s shaking voice stopped me dead, and exhaling, I turned to see Mae
looking up at me. Her sisters' hands were gripping hers, but she released them to get to her feet.
“Mae, no!” the blond one called out. And when I looked down at her, my stomach rolled. Her long
hair had been cut off, and with her head looking up, I could see a long scar running down her cheek.
But then Mae was suddenly before me and my heart clenched in my chest. She took all of my
attention. Her hand lifted to tuck her long hair behind her ear. Then those blue eyes looked up at me
and I was frozen to the spot.
“What… what are you going to do with us?” she asked. I could see that she was terrified. Her voice
was shaking… all of her was shaking. “Are we to be killed? Are we to be taken back to the commune
and tried?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but it was Mae. It was Mae before me.
She swallowed then begged, “Please… please let us go. Do not hurt us.”
My heart pumped loudly, when Mae’s hands landed on her torso and ran down until they lay on her
stomach. Her eyes dipped, and when they lifted, they were brimming with tears. I could not believe
how beautiful she still was, and how my stomach still tightened when she was close. But my eyes kept
running back to her hands, placed carefully over her stomach.
Then I noticed the ring. Feeling like I had been punched, I asked, “You’re married? You married
Styx?”
Mae’s eyes winced as I mentioned her man, then she shook her head. “Not yet,” she said fearfully,
her eyes flinching at my tone. “But one day we will be. For now we are content to be engaged.” Mae
pointed behind her to Lilah. “But Lilah is married to Ky. And Maddie…” Mae pointed over her other
shoulder, “she now belongs to Flame.”
My eyes widened as I looked at Mae’s tiny sister. She was now with Flame? Flame...? Flame who
would be coming straight for us when he found out she had gone. Flame who would fucking slaughter
us all.
Mae looked back at me, but this time I could see disbelief in her stare. I could see her fear. I could
see the bravado of strength in front of her sisters, but she pushed through to say, “I always believed in
you, Rider.” She shook her head as she spoke that name. “I mean, Cain.” She quickly corrected
herself.
“I knew you were destined to be the Prophet. But I always believed you were a good man, deep
down.” Mae glanced behind her at Delilah whose blue eyes seemed to be staring off at nothing, as
though she was paralyzed by fear. “Even when your men came for me and mistakenly took Lilah, she
told me that you begged her to confess her sins. She told me that she knew you were trying to save
her. That it was the other men in your confidence that hurt and defiled her.”
 Delilah whimpered behind Mae at this revelation. My blood cooled to ice water.
“But sending in a young girl. A young innocent girl, so under the control of The Order, to our home,
a girl who killed an innocent to bring us here, to you… well, that is nothing like the Rider I once
knew.”
“Mae,” I uttered, and went to reach forward. But her hands gripped onto her stomach tighter. “Why
are you holding your stomach like that?” I snapped.
Mae inhaled, and straightening her shoulders, said, “I cannot marry you, Cain. I am not pure like the
scripture proclaims I need to be.” She swallowed, and fighting back tears said, “I am pregnant. I am
pregnant with Styx’s baby.”
Delilah and Magdalene gasped from behind Mae, but all I felt was a blow to my stomach. My lungs
seized, but my eyes could not look away from Mae’s hands on her stomach.
A sob came from Mae’s mouth, and she said, “And he does not even know. I only just found out and
I have yet to tell him.” Her blue eyes filled with tears, which then ran down her face. “And now we
have been taken. I am with child. I am finally happy in my life, and now we have been taken and given
to you!” Mae shook her head and said, “When will this stop? When will you all realize in that
commune that we do not belong to you! We are not part of that faith. We have left. We have left and
have no desire to ever return! And when will you realize I am not destined to be the prophet’s wife!”
“No,” I shook my head, and stepped backwards. “You are meant to be mine. The scripture says so!”
Mae stared at me in absolute disbelief, and whispered, “No, Cain. I am Styx’s. I have always been
and will always be Styx’s. The prophecy was not for me. I am not the one you must marry. Nor Lilah,
nor Maddie. Can you not see that? Can you not finally see that we do not belong to you! We are not
special. We are no different to any other woman on this planet. It was a senile old man that
proclaimed something out of the blue. Something purely based on our looks. God did not pick us out.
He did not pick any of us out!”
Crouching down, I felt like my head was full of noise, my heart empty, as was my role in this life.
Feeling Mae’s heavy stare, I looked up. Her hand lying over her forehead. “It is all going wrong.
None of this is what I was raised believing. And they all look to me. They all follow my lead. And
they believe that I should marry you.”
Mae’s head fell in defeat.
Delilah’s blond hair caught my attention from behind Mae. Getting to my feet, I brushed past Delilah
who shuffled back against the wooden wall and cowered back in fear.
“What was done to you?” I asked. Delilah sank back and began to tremble. Looking over my
shoulder to see Judah pacing outside of the mill, I knew I had limited time. “What was done to you at
your trial? What happened to you on the Hill of Perdition?”
Tears ran down Delilah’s face, but then Mae said from behind, “They raped her, Cain. Over and
over, before tying her to a stake and setting it alight. They intended to burn her like a witch. Your
brother gave her thirty-nine stripes, the scars from which still mar her back. In essence, Cain, they
tortured her for hours, and you did nothing to stop it. You washed your hands of her and let them
brutalize her, for fun, for nothing but their sadistic amusement. Our scripture does not teach what she
went through. It does not even infer it.”
 My eyes stayed on Delilah as Mae’s words tore me apart, and I asked, “Is that true? Is what Mae is
telling me, true?” Delilah lifted her head.
“Yes,” she whispered, but I did not need to hear the answer to know it was true. I could see it in her
eyes. Judah, my men, had done to her exactly what Phebe had declared to be true.
I pushed my hands through my hair and looked to Mae. Her blue eyes held nothing but pain and
disappointment. “I did not know they did that. I did not declare that to be her punishment.”
Mae’s eyes fell lovingly on Delilah and she asserted, “But you did nothing to stop it. You left your
brother to conduct his own form of punishment, at least that was what Lilah told me. And he did. You
gave him free rein to torture an innocent woman.”
“I would not have allowed that to happen if I had known he would stray from the scripture. Judah
and I were raised together. We share the same beliefs. I trusted he would do as I would have.”
Mae glanced down, then with a deathly pale face asked, “Then you too have a child consort? You
too have taken children?” She wiped away a tear. “Like we all were taken. Have you too awakened a
small child? Sarai is but fourteen, yet by the look of things, she is your brother’s main consort. Do you
share those beliefs too? After everything I told you about me, about what we all went through? Can
you honestly believe that God wants this from his chosen people?”
Dipping my head, Mae’s spoken truths cut deeper than any dagger ever could. “You know I do not.”
I shook my head, feeling the fool. “I was waiting for you. I am pure and was waiting for you. But
now…” I trailed off, looking down to her stomach.
Mae wrapped her arms around herself, protectively, and said, “What are you to do with us now?
What are you to do with my baby? Please let us go, Cain… please, if there is any good left within
you, just let us go. Do not take my family from me… please…”
Anger built in my stomach as I stared at Mae. Anger that she should have been with me, but was not.
Anger that Judah had lied to my face when I had asked him what punishment he inflicted on Delilah.
And anger at myself, for not knowing every part of the commune’s day to day practices. For not
knowing what Judah was permitting when holding the Lord’s Sharings. For not knowing he had taken
children. For not knowing his consort was a fourteen-year-old child, one that he had planted in the
Hangmen, without my permission. And his plan to bring the Cursed to me, knowing we were not
strong enough yet to defend against the Hangmen if they attacked, as surely they now would.
Then I noticed something else… I noticed a purse near the wooden wall, and my stomach sank.
Rushing forward, I picked up the purse that was laid next to where Delilah was sat and ripped open
the zipper. I pushed in my hand, and in seconds felt her cell in my hand.
I blanched.
With my hands fisted at my side, I shouted, “Judah!”
Judah came running in, Sarai following behind. I pointed at her and ordered, “Get out! I did not call
for you! You have no business answering my call!”
Sarai paled, but then ran back out of mill. Judah looked to me, and a proud smile began to spread on
his lips. That just incensed me even more, and I stepped closer to him. “Get the van readied,” I
ordered.
 Judah looked down to the sisters and said, “And what about them?”
I went to push past Judah, when he grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly, but I
could hear the anger in his voice.
“I am letting them go,” I replied shortly.
“You are what?” Judah asked in exasperation, his hands running through his hair.
“I am letting them go. They no longer belong with us at New Zion. They are wed and having
children with other men. If the Lord wanted them with us, he would have never made that possible.”
Judah grabbed onto my arm again. “Then the devil’s men win. If we cannot use them as wives, then
we shall take them in revenge. They invaded our sacred land, they killed our uncle. They must pay.
We are in a war!”
With a surge of fury in my blood, I pressed my palms to Judah’s chest and slammed him against the
nearby wooden wall.
Judah’s eyes widened and I lifted the cell in my hand. “Do you know what this is, brother?”
Judah’s eyes narrowed on the cell. “It’s a phone.”
I pushed it further to his face and snapped, “It’s a cell phone. A cell phone with a GPS. A GPS that
the Hangmen will one hundred percent be tracking. A GPS that will have shown the Hangmen exactly
where we are, and if I’m right, they’ll be arriving here any fucking time.”
Judah’s face paled as I let him go. He looked to the sisters, and said, “So? Crush the cell and let’s
take them home. We cannot simply give them back!”
I looked at my brother as though he was simple. “Do you not think they will come in for us? They
know where we are, Judah! Surely you cannot be this naïve!”
His face frosted over. “The Lord is on our side. If they come for us, we will prevail.”
At this point I realized how sheltered Judah truly was. He had no idea of what he had done. No
fucking idea! Staring him straight in the face, I said, “I am the Prophet, Judah. Me. And I make the
decisions. It was ill thought of you to go behind my back and plant your child whore in the Hangmen
compound. It was ill thought out of you to ever believe that you know what is best for our people,
above me.”
Hearing the sisters’ terrified whimpers getting louder behind us, I took hold of my brother’s arm and
dragged him outside. I strode past Brother Luke who had Sarai by his side, and signaled with my chin
for them to get in the van. Brother Luke frowned, but something in my face must have convinced him
not to ask any questions.
Hearing Brother Luke and Sarai get into the back of the van, anger took a tighter hold and I smashed
Judah into the side of the van. “
“Cain! What—” he went to argue, but I cut him off with my hand around his throat.
“It was ill thought out of you to lie to my fucking face. I asked you if you adhered to the scripture
with the Cursed Delilah, and you swore to me you did.” I leaned in, hand squeezing tighter. Seeing
Judah’s cheeks redden, I said, “And you lied. My twin, my own flesh and blood fucking lied, to my
face.”
 His mouth worked without words, when he finally choked out, “We needed to send a strong message
to our people. We needed to show them what happened when they turned away from the true path, as
she did.”
I slammed his head back against the metal of the van. “And that was not your decision to make. It
was mine. As the Prophet of New Zion, that was up to me.” Loosening my grip slightly, I said, “I love
you. You are my only family. But do not betray me, brother. And never fucking lie to me again.”
I stepped back, dropping my arm. Judah sagged against the metal of the van and gasped for breath.
Retrieving the cell, I smashed it to the ground, and stamped my foot down until it was completely
destroyed.
I moved to re-enter the mill, when Judah spat, “Do not let them go, brother. Do not crush everything
I have worked for.”
Freezing, I then slowly turned round and shook my head. “You know nothing, Judah. You believed
you were doing good, bringing those women here, but your naivety has brought us directly into a death
trap.” I pointed to his face. “This is on you. You acted foolishly, and we need to leave now, or
believe me, there’ll be nothing left of us by morning.”
I stormed back toward the mill, when Judah called out, “You fear them, Cain. I can see it pouring
from you. You fear the devil’s men.”
Stopping dead, but without turning round, I said, “And so should you, Judah. You’ve never met
them. You’ve never walked among them. And you have no idea how easily they would take your life.”
Taking a steadying breath, I said, “Like I said before, Judah. You’re naïve. You know nothing of this
outside world. Fucking nothing at all.”
Walking again, picking up my pace, I approached Mae and her sisters. They all stared up at me in
terrified confusion. The youngest one was shaking. Looking around the deserted old mill, she asked,
“Are you to kill us?”
Fear radiated from her in waves, and I wondered how the hell she belonged to Flame? Running my
hand down my face, I shook my head. “No.”
Submitting to look at her face one more time, I turned to Mae and suddenly felt drained of all energy.
There was water in her eyes, and she asked in disbelief, “You are letting us go? Truly?”
My shoulders sagged at the relieved happiness in her voice. “It was never my plan to take you.” I
threw the empty purse on the ground. “No doubt there was a GPS in your cell. I imagine your men
will be here soon.”
Drinking in Mae’s features one last time, I turned toward the van when I heard. “Rider?”
My eyes closed at the sound of that name, because at this moment I’d have traded everything to be
that guy again. I glanced behind. Mae was on her feet, the “Property of Styx” cut she was wearing
stared me right in the face, sending a wave of fierce anger coursing through my body. Her long black
hair was lifting in the breeze and I thought she’d never looked more beautiful than she did right now.
“There is hope for you yet,” she said with a trembling voice.
I huffed a humorless laugh and shook my head.
“It is true,” she pushed, “The road to your redemption lies just ahead.” She pointed to her sisters.
“This, freeing us three, is a start.” Her hand rubbed over her stomach, and she added, “Be who you
truly are, not this man you are struggling to be. Because the real you is better. He is a better man by
far.”
The beat in my heart fell at her words, but without responding I turned away and left the mill.
Walking over to the paid men, I said, “More of our men are coming to collect the women, our van is
full.”
I caught them frown, and one stepped forward to say, “You got the cash? Deal was you’d pay on
delivery.”
Knowing we needed to get the hell out of this place right now, I prayed to God to forgive me for
what I was about to do. “The men coming will be bringing it. You’ll get the cash when they take the
girls.” A sudden image of Flame came into my head. If Mae’s sister was his bitch, these men were in
for a horrific death.
The men nodded their heads, believing my every word. I jumped into the van. The driver’s seat was
left empty for me.
I didn’t look back as I pulled out onto the dark road. I didn’t look back at the men I’d most certainly
just sentenced to death. And I didn’t speak to Judah, Brother Luke or the child all the way back to
commune.
It was the first time I’d hated Judah in twenty-four years.
 Chapter Twenty-One

Flame

I knew there was something wrong.

I sat at the window Maddie always sat at and I knew something was wrong. Two hours had come
and gone, then three, then four. And when night had fallen, making it impossible for me to stare at her
sketch of us embracing, clutched in my hands, I knew something was seriously fucking wrong.
Unable to sit in this cabin for one more fucking minute, I threw on my cut, grabbed my knives and
hightailed it out the door. Heading into my shed, I started up my bike, then ate dust until I arrived at
the compound.
The place was quiet. There was no music blaring through the front doors and no sluts were hanging
around outside. Jumping off my bike I smashed through the front doors, only to see my brothers all
standing around real fucking quiet. My eyes slammed on AK, Viking, Hush and Cowboy and I
frowned. They were meant to be out on a run. They shouldn’t have been back yet.
Then I saw the Prez and VP standing at the head of the room. Their expressions were different to
normal. And Ky began to pace back and forth, cussing, smoking smoke after smoke. His long blond
hair was sticking out all over the place.
The flames were beginning to surge. Lapping up my blood, making it impossible to stand. The room
was too quiet. It was all too fucking quiet.
Ripping out my blade, I then looked up, only to see all of the brothers noticing me.
“Fuck!” Ky spat. Styx silently got to his feet.
My eyes darted from brother to brother—Tank, Smiler, Bull, Prez, Ky, Hush, Cowboy, then AK and
Viking last.
AK ran is hand through his dark hair and took a step forward. Tank gripped his arm and shook his
head. AK ripped it back. “I gotta fuckin’ tell him,” he said.
AK walked four steps toward me. I counted each one, then I snapped. “What the fuck’s wrong?”
AK’s chest deflated and he said, “It’s your little one, brother. Maddie and her sisters have
disappeared from that church they were at. Ky went back to check it out when his old lady never
called for a pick up, and it was deserted. Pastor, bitches, young kid, all of them gone. We think
they’ve been taken. That’s why we’ve been called back from our run early. We burned road just to get
the fuck back, in case we all need to pay someone a fucking visit. And we fucking know who it’ll
have been. Klan or Bible freaks.”
“No,” I whispered, feeling my heart pumping the hellfire faster in my body. My muscles tensed as I
thought of what he’d said. Maddie. My Maddie. The church. That fucking church. They’d hurt her.
They’d hurt her, like I knew they would.
“They’ll hurt her,” I hissed, and felt my body shaking. “They took her from me. And they’ll hurt
her.”
AK stepped back, and I saw all the brothers watching me. I could feel all eyes watching me.
Mocking me.
But the anger, the anger was taking hold. Clenching my hands into fists, my body filled with rage,
then I snapped my head back and released a loud roar. But it wasn’t enough, the flames were burning
hotter still, my blood like lava, thick and hot.
Stabbing my knife into my belt, I jumped forward and gripped the table in front. I threw it over,
hearing it crash to the floor, but it wasn’t enough. A chair came next. Lifting it into the air, I launched
it at the wall, the wood splintering into pieces. But the rage was still fucking there. I took another
chair, then another, smashing them one by one. But no relief came. All I could see in my head was
Maddie’s hand in mine. Her lips pressed against mine. Her arms wrapped around mine. And it was
all I could see. As I paced, as I treaded the wooden floor, her face was all I could see.
Then I could see her tied down at that church. At that motherfucking church! I could see her
screaming in my head. I could see her in pain. And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t fucking take it!
Then I thought of her gone, gone from my side, and stopped dead. No Maddie in my cabin. No
Maddie laying beside me, helping me sleep. And no Maddie holding my hand, stroking my face,
singing to me…
Unable to take the feeling gutting my body, I dropped to my knees, and all the fire drained out from
my blood.
I rocked back and forth on my knees, my heart aching at the fact that she’d gone. I reached for the
knife, but this feeling inside of me was new and I couldn’t cut it out. It wasn’t the flames. It wasn’t
something that could be freed by my blade. It was my heart, without her. My heart was dark and
empty, without her. And nothing I could do would take this feeling away.
My chest tightened so hard that I felt I couldn’t breathe, then sounds came from my mouth. Sounds I
didn’t know.
The room had gone silent but for the sounds coming from me. Then I heard, “Fuck, Flame….
Brother…”
AK and Viking dropped down before me. “Flame. Shit.”
I rocked back and forth, holding my hand over my heart. “She’s gone,” I croaked, looking at my best
friends, “And I can’t breathe. In here, is dark and empty, and she’s gone. I can’t get the feeling to go.”
“What the fuck’s going on?” I heard someone ask.
“He’s claimed Madds,” AK said without looking away from me, pulling back his outstretched hand
from nearly touching me. “They’re fucking finally together and she’s gone. As you can see, he ain’t
handling that shit too well.”
“Fuck me. Flame and Madds?” someone murmured. I looked up to see Ky and Styx approaching.
“She’s mine,” I said and saw Ky nodding his head.
“We know, brother,” he rasped.
“We need to get them back. I need her back. I can’t live without her.”
 Styx turned away, his hand gripping the sides of his head and Ky rasped, “I know. I fucking feel the
same way. We all fucking feel the same way.” But he couldn’t. They couldn’t. Because he didn’t have
the flames. He didn’t have my flames that only Maddie could keep away.
Silence reigned strong, when suddenly Tanner ran into the room.
“What?” Ky said harshly.
“I fucking got them. GPS is off now, probably been destroyed, but it last tracked them about an hour
north. Last reading was minutes ago. I checked the map, it’s some fucking ghost town. The signal
came from the mill.”
“Shit. It’s the place where we used to make the Russian drop off,” Ky said to Styx, as he looked at
the map Tanner held out.
In seconds I was on my feet.
“Wait!” Tank shouted, and I looked back, rocking on my feet. “Could be a fucking trap, Flame.”
“Like I fucking care,” I snapped. “I’m going to get my Maddie. And I got dibs on the fuckers
responsible. I want their blood. I want their death on my fucking hands.”

*****

I’d never ridden so fast in my life. My Harley cutting up road like a motherfucking demon.
I could hear my brothers cutting up dust behind me, but I was leading this charge. I gave no shit
about club formations and Styx being at the front. All I could think about was Maddie. Wondering if
she was hurt. Wondering if she was still fucking there. Wondering if they’d killed her.
My hands shook on my handlebars as I pushed my bike’s speed, but I was close, the main road
beginning to give way to the ghost town. The ghost town where she was waiting for me.
The beginnings of derelict empty houses came into view—old houses, stores and churches. The mill
was further out. Turning up the gas, I pushed my bike to the limit as I roared down Main Street, then in
the distance I saw the outline of the old gray mill.
My heart began pounding as I approached. I slowed, my eyes searching the land for Maddie. Stood
there, fucking brazen as hell, were two fuckers dressed in black.
And I let the flames take their hold.
Let the need to kill take fucking hold.
Pulling onto the dirt road that led up to the mill, I cut the engine and launched off the bike. I heard
more bikes turning off behind me, but my legs carried me forward. The men dressed in black started
moving forward, ski masks covering their faces, but I didn’t stop to hear whatever the fuck they
started shouting at me. My rushing blood was drowning out any noise but the fucking beating of my
heart and the harshness of my breaths.
Only now feet away, I reached for the blades on my belt and gripped them in both hands. Jumping
forward, I slit the throat of the first fucker and stabbed the other in the chest.
 The one with the slit throat staggered back and fell to ground. In seconds I jumped on his chest. I
ripped off his ski mask so I could see the fucker’s face. When his dying eyes met mine, I lifted my
blade, and placing the tip on his forehead, stabbed it straight through his skull.
Ripping the knife from his corpse, I moved to the next cunt—he was already one foot in Hades with
the boatman.
Wrenching the blade from his chest, I held a blade in each hand, and started hacking at his chest,
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…
I panted, my eyes refocusing to see nothing but a fucked up open chest, when movement from behind
caught my eye.
Styx and Ky at the mill. Styx and Ky fucking holding their bitches. Jumping to my feet, wiping my
blades on the grass and putting them back on my belt, I screamed, “Maddie!”
I ran toward the mill, when a small figure ran forward in my direction. Maddie… and she was
fucking heading for me.
“Flame!” I heard Maddie’s voice cry. My heart beat faster when her voice sounded all broken and
sad. She lifted the bottom of her dress and ran over the high grass, and seconds later, her face came
into view.
She looked pale. Her green eyes were tired and red, but she didn’t look hurt. Thank fuck. She didn’t
look hurt. Then my pulse pounded harder as she approached. When she was only feet away, I stopped
dead. So did Maddie.
Tears were falling down her cheeks, but just seeing her chased any bad feeling from my heart away.
And I could breathe. We stood in the tall grass, just staring at each other. My hands balled at my
sides. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to step forward.
Then when I was standing right before her, I reached down and took her hand in mine. Gasping at
the contact, Maddie squeezed her hand. When I looked down at her face, my throat fucking choked.
She was so beautiful. And her expression. It was the expression she wore when I’d held her in my
arms. When my lips had met hers.
“Flame…” she whispered. Maddie sucked in a quick breath, and said, “I need you to hold me now. I
need to feel your arms around me so I feel safe. Because, right now, I do not feel safe.”
Groaning low, I pulled on Maddie’s arm and crushed her to my chest. The minute she was in my
arms, I prepared for discomfort, but none fucking came. The flames stayed away, and Maddie’s arms
slipped around my waist, then under my cut, until her bare hands touched my skin.
I hissed at the still unfamiliar feeling, but I… I liked it… I didn’t want to throw her off…
“Flame…” Maddie whispered. I held her closer. “I thought I would never see you again.” Maddie
pulled back, and with shining eyes, she said, “All I thought about when they took us, was you.”
Maddie took hold of my wrist and lifted it up. She took my hand in hers and then lifted it to her mouth
and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand.
My eyes closed and my cock jerked in my leathers at the touch. “Open your eyes,” Maddie ordered,
and I did. She had stepped closer and she was looking up at me. “Kiss me,” she whispered, as
another tear ran down her cheek. “Kiss me, to prove to me you are here.”
 Sliding up my hands on her arms, I pressed my hands to her cheeks and brought my lips down to
hers.
Maddie moaned low in her throat as our mouths joined and held the edges of my cut, bringing me
close. That noise out of her mouth cut straight to my heart, causing it to beat like a fucking drum.
Maddie broke away, and her eyes blinked, once, twice, three times. “Maddie,” I murmured, and a
small smile hooked on her lips.
A cough sounded beside us, and I snapped my head up, crushing Maddie to my side. My eyes
searched around to find that all the brothers had surrounded us, watching me with mouths hanging
open, obviously in shock. Maddie ducked her head into my chest and I could feel the heat from her
cheeks on the bare skin of my chest.
I bared my teeth, ready to tell them all to fuck off, when Styx and Ky walked forward with Mae and
Lilah.
Mae had turned to Styx. “No! Please! Do not go after him. He did not plan this. And he let us go. I
spoke to him. He seemed confused and lost… but he let us go.”
“Why the fuck did he just fucking let you go?” Ky exclaimed.
Mae, who was under Styx’s arm, shrugged. “It was his twin brother who organized for Sarai to
pretend to have escaped. Everything she said was a lie, designed to work out a way to get us alone
and away from the compound. Church was the perfect excuse. I think… it appeared as though Cain
did not know of any of it. He was angry with his brother. He was livid with Sarai for bringing us
here.”
“And Sarai killed Pastor James. She just shot her in the head, with no remorse,” Lilah added, her
voice quiet and shaking with shock.
Ky held her to his chest. “So we’ve now got fucking child soldiers to contend with? Fucking
perfect!”
Styx’s hands worked at Mae and I watched him ask, “I just don’t get why the fuck Rider let you
go? He’s wanted you for months. Isn’t that why we’re getting fucking attacked at drop offs and
shit? What’s his fucking deal?”
Lilah’s attention snapped to Mae. Mae stood back from Styx and pushed the hair from her face. Styx
focused on his bitch. “Because I told him something that changed the prophecy of my becoming his
wife. In fact, it has completely destroyed it.”
“And what the fuck was that?” Ky asked, frowning.
Mae took a deep breath, and reaching down for Styx’s hand, she pressed it flat to her stomach. “That
I am with child.”
My eyes darted to Styx and his face had blanked. His eyes lowered to meet his hand over Mae’s
stomach. He swallowed.
“Fuck, Styx,” Ky whispered. Styx then looked back at Mae’s face. His mouth spread into the biggest
smile I’d ever seen, and he wrapped his arm around Mae’s neck and crushed her to his front. I could
hear him whispering something into her ear and Mae began to sob.
I squeezed Maddie tighter, feeling every ounce of their emotion in my chest. Then my eyes closed as
Maddie’s hand began stroking along my stomach, and I froze when her warm lips pressed a single
kiss to my chest.
All the brothers embraced Styx, but I wouldn’t, and even if I could touch the Prez, I wasn’t fucking
letting go of Maddie for shit. I wanted to get her home to our cabin, and I wanted to kiss her some
more… I wanted to…. I wanted to…
“So we gotta just wait for them to attack again?” Ky asked Mae. She shook her head.
“I do not think Rider will return for us. I know him and I could see it in his eyes. I do not think that
his life at New Zion is all it is supposed to be.” Mae took a deep breath, and looking up at Styx, who
was still holding his hand against her stomach, his face fucking blank, said, “I think it could finally be
over for us and The Order. I feel that Rider will not come for us again. I feel he may have seen the
error of his ways.”
“The cunt still deserves to die,” Ky said darkly. I nodded my agreement, my back teeth grinding
together just imagining stabbing that fucker in his face.
But Styx didn’t answer, instead he wrapped his arm around his bitch and hurried the fuck back to his
bike.
Ky turned to the brothers. “Think that’s our cue to get the fuck on. Prez wants his knocked up bitch
back home and in his fucking bed!”
I wasted no time. Lifting Maddie in my arms, I cut across the tall grass to my bike and placed her
down beside it. Smiler and Bull were dragging the bodies away in the distance, and I was fucking
glad Maddie didn’t see what I’d done.
Climbing on the bike, I nudged my chin at the seat behind. “Get on.”
Maddie stared at the seat and shook her head. “I have never been on one before.”
I took my hand in hers and said, “Just climb on and wrap your hands around my waist. I’ll ride
slow. You’ll be safe. I won’t let you get hurt.”
Maddie’s shoulders sagged, and meeting my eyes, she said quietly, “I know.”
My heart started to pound again as Maddie climbed on the back. Her long dress lifted up, and her
bare legs sat next to mine. And I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t stop looking at her bare legs, my cock
hardening and pushing against my leathers. And then her small hands wrapped around my waist and I
groaned out loud.
I heard Maddie inhale a quick gasp. Then she pressed a kiss to my shoulder, and gripped my waist
harder. My eyes closed and I had to ball my hands into fists to calm down.
I was so confused. I didn’t understand these feelings ripping through my fucking body. All I knew
was that Maddie never felt so perfect as she did right now, hugging my waist. And my blood was hot
for another reason now. There were no flames, but there was heat. Heat shooting straight to my cock.
Maddie dragged in a stuttered breath and whispered, “Flame...” I tensed as the tone of her voice
changed and my lungs squeezed so fucking tight.
Kicking the bike to start, I pulled out onto the road. I traveled slowly with Maddie on the back. My
brothers had long disappeared, and here on this road there was just Maddie and me. Maddie’s hands
flat to the bare skin of my stomach, her warm breath blowing in my ear.
 I gritted my teeth, trying to focus and to catch my breath, but all I could think of was getting
Maddie’s lips on mine… of feeling those bare legs. The legs that I’d never seen under her long
dresses. Then I wondered what she’d look like without the dress at all. If her skin was smooth
everywhere, and what it would feel like with her naked body pressed against mine.
I groaned as that image filled my mind, then my heart sank when I thought of what would have
happened if Rider hadn’t let them go. If she’d never come back to me.
My hands began to grind on the handlebars. We had miles left until we got home, but I needed to
stop, I needed to fucking stop.
Giving a sharp left, I pulled onto a dark patch of dirt and cut the engine. I breathed in and out, in and
out, Maddie still behind my back. But the feeling never left, and I jumped off the bike. I set to pacing
beside the bike, then I looked up. And Maddie’s huge green eyes were looking up at me, her cheeks
pink and her lips full. And those legs, those legs were on show.
I groaned and ran my hand through my mohawk, then I stopped. My heart was as loud as thunder in
my chest, and I couldn’t stop looking at Maddie… at those naked legs.
Then on a long groan, I rushed forward and threw my leg over my bike, my back to the bars, my eyes
directly on Maddie. She swallowed as I sat before her, and I shuffled closer, my hands lifting to land
on her cheeks. Maddie was breathing hard, and feeling the heat of her cheeks under my palms, I
closed in and brought my lips to hers.
Maddie sighed into my mouth. I liked her mouth on mine, but it wasn’t enough, I wanted closer. I
wanted to get as close as I could. There were no flames and I needed to fill the dark that was in my
heart with her fucking light.
As Maddie’s soft mouth opened, I pushed my tongue against hers, Maddie moaning as they met. She
was hot and wet and I moved my tongue faster, but it didn’t feel like enough. Dropping one hand from
her face, I ran it over her arm, down her waist and to the top of her thigh. Then I moved it lower still,
until my hand met her bare thigh.
Maddie’s tongue stilled, and pulling back, I stared into her eyes. We were both breathing fast, then I
looked down. My hand was flat on her bare skin. And I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight. Her skin
was so soft, so pale and I had to move my hand. I had to feel it.
My hand began moving down, then when I reached her knee, I moved it back up until my hand lay at
the top of her thigh, my fingers slipping under her dress. Maddie’s hips rolled forward and a shocked
gasp slipped from her throat. Her green eyes were glistening and my heart sank.
“Don’t be afraid,” I said as I ran my finger down her cheek.
Maddie’s eyes closed as she sighed, but when they opened, she took a deep breath and whispered,
“I am not scared. I… I cannot explain what I am feeling right now.”
My cock twitched again, and groaning, I shook my head. “Maddie, I… I… I need…”
“I know,” she rasped. Her hand lifted to land on my face. “I understand you Flame. And I am
beginning to understand myself. What you and I are to each other.”
“And what’s that?” I asked gruffly.
Maddie bowed her head. “Everything.” My heart missed a beat, then she lifted her head and said,
“Love.” Maddie’s hand dropped down over her racing heart, and she whispered, “You, to me, are the
only one I could ever love.”
I fought against my clogged throat. But with what just came from her mouth and my hand touching her
thigh, I couldn’t. I couldn’t catch a fucking single breath. Groaning, I crashed my lips to hers once
again, but Maddie’s hand pushed my chest back and she said plainly, “Flame. Take us home.”
Her cheeks were blazing red, but I nodded my head. I removed my hand from her thigh and clenched
my hand into a ball. It felt different. Touching her that closely had felt different.
Then Maddie’s hand was in mine and she said, “Let us go home. I wish,” she took a deep breath,
and leaning closer, her forehead kissing mine, said, “I wish to be alone with you. I wish to… touch
you more. I wish to see you more… I wish, I think… I need to show you my love.”
Dropping her hand, I turned in the seat. My skin felt on fire. My soul felt on fire. But this time, I
wanted the heat to stay. Because it was burning off the bad memories in my head, and it was filling
me with Maddie’s light.
In my fucking head was Maddie’s light.
As I started the engine, Maddie’s hand sipped low on my stomach, my cock reaching for her touch.
And with her mouth at my ear, she said, “Home, Flame. Take us home.”
She didn’t have to ask me again.
 Chapter Twenty-Two

Maddie

I did not know what had overtaken me. But it was both terrifying and liberating at the same time. My
body felt alive with Flame’s touch. On my thigh was a brand, the searing brand of Flame’s touch.
And my heart swelled when it had not felt like that of Brother Moses. It felt… special, and right, and
only good things.
And after fearing I would never see him again, any barriers I had left crumbled to dust when I saw
him running my way. I forgot to breathe, watching his dark eyes set on mine. In that moment, I had no
past, nor did he, it was just us. One boy and one girl feeling the heady relief of reunion after
separation.
And all I had wanted him to do when he was before me, was to hold me. I wanted to feel small and
protected under the heaviness of his inked and pierced arms. I wanted to feel his hot skin beneath my
cheeks, and I had wanted to feel his soft lips on mine.
And he had delivered. He had cared for me so softly. And I could see the same desperation to feel
one another’s touch reflected in his eyes. And then something else took root. A feeling between my
legs. A craving to have more of him. Because, and I was sure of this, I would never feel like this
about anyone else. So mindless and free with my body and touch, so at ease and willing to fall into
his arms.
And that is when I knew. I knew that what I was feeling was love. It had to be. Because it was all-
encompassing and irrational, yet at the same time it felt so perfect and true.
And it had to be true, because in front of me was my Flame… and I was his Maddie. Two fractured
souls made whole only by the other’s unconditional love.
My arms tightened around Flame’s waist, and I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, smelling the leather
from his cut, as a falling tear from my eye was swept away in the cool breeze.
Flame stiffened, but I knew it was not from abhorrence of my touch. No, he too was feeling the same
searing sensation that ran through me, running through him. And it was heady, and frightening, and
delicious, in the most beautiful of ways.
The Hangmen compound appeared on the left, and my heart kicked into a sprint knowing that in just
a few minutes we would arrive at the cabin. And I knew that after tonight, our lives would change
forever.
Because they had to.
There was no way to stop what was coming for us with the force of a hurricane. And there was no
desire for it stop either. It would finally free us both. In the only way it could—with each other.
Flame veered onto the dirt path that led to his cabin. He pulled to a stop and switched off the engine.
The night was still, and the owls hooted from the trees. My hands were still wrapped around
Flame’s waist as he breathed in deep controlled breaths. I counted eleven, then on twelve his hand
lifted and lay over mine on his waist.
For an inexplicable reason, my eyes filled with tears. I lay my head against his wide shoulder and
inhaled. A wisp of gentle wind wrapped around us. Inhaling its earthy scent, I lifted my head from his
back and released my hands from around his waist. Sliding off the saddle, I walked round the bike
and entered the open cabin door.
I could feel Flame right behind me, and when he closed the door and turned the lock, the room
temperature seemed to soar. Flame stood at my back, and I closed my eyes and breathed.
My hands shook with nerves, but I vowed to myself that I would do this. I would do this; not only
for myself, but for Flame also. Though still trapped by the heavy weight of our demons, we needed to
be freed. We needed to do this, to finally be free.
Forcing my legs forward, I walked into the bedroom. As I entered the doorway the small bed,
pushed to the back of the small room, seemed to dominate the entire setting. The ironed white sheets
that I had laundered and pressed, were still perfectly spread over the mattress. I swallowed in
trepidation.
Heavy footsteps entered the room behind me and I could feel Flame’s presence at my back, like I
was standing in the heat of the midday sun.
Taking a deep breath, I turned silently, only to see Flame’s huge frame blocking the doorway, hands
fisted tightly at his side.
Stepping forward, and without looking up, I lay my hand flat to the bare skin of his heavily muscled
stomach, gently moving my palm to run over the ridges and valleys of his abdominal muscles. Flame’s
entire body tensed and a long hiss escaped from his mouth.
Lifting my other hand to join its partner on Flame’s hot skin, I drifted them up to his chest and
pushed off the leather cut he always wore. The heavy material dropped to the ground, leaving only his
fully inked and pierced naked torso. My hands stroked his hard body, edging over the scars and
snakebite marks from his youth. As the pads of my fingers traced over those scars, Flame released a
hard breath, skin twitching. But he did not stop me. Then as my hands continued north, I steeled
myself to look up. And when I did, it was to find his dark eyes watching me with an expression so
trusting, it almost brought me to my knees.
Flame’s lips parted and he whispered, “Maddie…”
Stepping closer until my body was flush against his, I tilted up my head, searching for a kiss.
Flame watched my mouth, then lifting his cold hands onto my face, guided his head down to mine.
As our mouths connected, his lips were feather-light and they brushed so softly against mine.
I had never felt so treasured, so safe, as I did at this very second.
Flame’s mouth withdrew, and his forehead pressed against mine. Sucking in a breath, he rasped,
“Are you afraid?”
My heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” I whispered truthfully.
“Me too,” he replied, so softly his voice was barely audible.
Laying my hands on his waist, I drank in his heat, then stepped backwards. Flame’s eyes stayed with
mine the whole time.
Lifting my shaking hands to my messed-up hair, I began unthreading the pins that still remained, the
ones that held up what was left of my bun. Six pins later, long black hair fell over my shoulder and I
dropped the pins to the ground. Flame shifted from side to side as he watched me, nostrils flaring and
lips tightening.
It was strange. I had always resented my beauty. Had always hated the fact that men found me
attractive. But right now, standing before Flame so uncensored and unbarred, I wanted him to want
me. I wanted him to be breathless at my face. I wanted him to want to touch my body, to cherish me
like I dreamed it could be. Without the pain, and without the cruelty.
“Maddie,” Flame murmured. Spurred on by his plea, I lifted my hand to the back of my dress.
Finding the zipper, I pulled it down. Flame’s eyes flared, when the top of my dress sagged, baring my
shoulders.
My eyes closed as a sudden flurry of nerves accosted my senses, but then I heard him moving
forward, feeling his body heat pushing toward me.
I felt a finger running along my neck, and it traveled down onto my newly-bared shoulder. It traveled
across my collarbone, then stopped at the falling neckline of my dress.
On a deep inhale, I opened my eyes to see Flame’s head tilt to the side as he watched me. Although
his face wore a blank expression, his soulful dark eyes told me everything I needed to know,
everything I needed to feel.
He wanted this.
He wanted me.
Not once breaking Flame’s focus, I dropped my arms. With them came my dress and it fell to a
messy heap on the ground. I sucked in a nervous gasp as the cold air in the cabin washed across my
bare breasts. The only thing now protecting my modesty were my small white undergarments.
Flame’s finger was still on my lower throat, and I trembled as he viewed me. He was a statue,
frozen to the spot. But his eyes were exploring, drinking in my body.
A low groan eventually tore from his lips, and he murmured, “Fuck… Maddie…” then his eyes
snapped to mine and he hushed out, “Mine. My Maddie… My beautiful Maddie…”
Feeling tears build in my eyes, Flame’s finger gently moved and drifted down my chest to rest
between my breasts. I breathed hard at the unfamiliarity of such a soft touch, then I stilled and
released a moan as his finger ran across to my right breast, his fingers skimming the flesh and circling
the nipple.
“Flame,” I whispered as his touch ignited sparks between my legs.
“Maddie,” he groaned in response, moving the finger to the other breast, repeating the action. I felt
on fire as he explored, and I was lost. Lost in his gentle touch—the most gentle of touches.
Then, as Flame moved closer still, I felt his lips press a kiss to the corner of my mouth as his hand
traveled south. Turning my head, I caught his searching mouth with my own, just as his hands fell to
my hips, his fingers hooking the side of my undergarments.
I stilled against warm lips, as Flame’s hands pulled my undergarments down my legs. Still
connected at the mouth, I looked up to see Flame’s eyes closed and his nostrils wide as he breathed in
slowly.
Then as if feeling my stare, those beautiful eyes opened and a redness filled his cheeks. Feeling my
undergarments at my feet, I stepped out of the material and shuddered at my reality. I was naked, with
a man.
Just as fear began creeping in, to assume its familiar hold, Flame’s hands cupped my cheeks and he
pressed his lips so softly against mine. His hips pressed in further, and I could feel the evidence of
his excitement pressing against my thigh.
Then murmuring against my mouth, Flame whispered, “I want you, Maddie. I want you so fucking
much…”
Spurred on by his confession, and the burning desire building between my thighs, I ran my hands
down over his broad chest, over his torso, and down to the waistband of his leather pants.
Flame hissed, but his hands were locked in my hair, his eyes watching me as I slowly released the
top button.
His jaw clenched as my trembling hands travelled down to the zipper. Finding the metal tab, I
pulled it down, feeling warm hard flesh hit my hand.
This time Flame did move. On a loud groan, Flame’s head snapped back and his teeth gritted
together. From this distance, I could clearly read a dark tattoo on his gums, the one that read ‘PAIN’.
Faltering in my touch, I went to withdraw my hands, when Flame’s hands tightened in my hair.
“Keep going,” he ordered. “Maddie… keep going…”
Swallowing at the guttural tone of his broken voice, I continued in my task. Hooking my hands into
the waistband, I slowly pulled the leather material down, the pants falling to pool at his feet.
We both stilled. We breathed as we both now stood bare, completely bare for one another. Flame’s
head fell forward. His lips were trembling under the shadow of his beard, but I could see the
desperation in his eyes.
Leaning forward, I whispered nervously, “We can do this.”
Choking on a moan, Flame nodded his head, and stepped out of his leather pants. Fear held me
captive, standing flush against Flame. But I forced myself to step back, and when I did, my heart and
my hope soared.
Flame stood before me, all thick muscles and tattoos, with his manhood erect and flushed. But what
took away my breath was the fact that his looming presence did not fill me with dread and fear.
Because this man before me, the one my soul loved, was my safety. The man with whom I could only
ever be this free and trusting.
The man who was mending my fractured soul.
Backing away further, my legs hit the soft mattress of the bed. Pressing my hand down onto the cool
linen, I climbed on the bed, and lay down. Flame stood in the center of the room, looking as nervous
as I felt. I held out my hand, and meeting his eyes, whispered, “Come to me, Flame… please…”
With a tensed body, Flame shuffled forward until he sat on the mattress. We lay down in our usual
positions. Only there was nothing 'usual' about this time. About this moment right now.
 Laying my head against the pillow, I inched my hand forward, my palm flat to the mattress beside
Flame’s head. Flame, watching every move I made with flared eyes, mirrored my movement. A smile
pulled on my lips, and crawling my fingers forward, I lay my hand over his and sighed at the
connection.
Flame’s eyes closed, and when they opened, he shuffled further forward and slid his calloused hand
around my waist, pulling me against his chest. I gasped as my bare breasts met the hard muscles of his
wide chest.
Our stares held, until Flame leaned in and stole a kiss. His lips crushed to mine, and in seconds his
tongue pushed into my mouth. I met his tongue with my own, groaning at the too heady sensation of my
bare skin flush against Flame’s and our hot mouths fused.
On a low groan, Flame’s hands pushed me flat to the mattress, and he rolled his large body over
mine. A cry ripped from my mouth as I broke our lips apart. Panic was coursing through my body, the
feel of Flame’s too strong body bringing back painful memories, until my frantic eyes focused on his
handsome face, and I immediately calmed.
A tear slipped from the corner of my eye. Flame leaned down to capture it on his lips. My heart
raced at such a sweet act coming from such a powerfully-built man. Then I made myself calm; this
was Flame. This was my Flame.
Relaxing into the mattress, my unsteady arms lifted to lie on Flame’s shoulders. At my touch Flame
relaxed too, and I could feel his hard length pressing against my thigh. But this time I felt no fear, just
a simple need to be joined, in every conceivable way.
Flame’s eyes were repeatedly squeezing shut, and his head had begun to twitch. I knew this meant he
was just as nervous as I. Only, he did not know how to express it.
Running my hands up his neck, I threaded my fingers through his hair. Flame exhaled, and when he
met my eyes, I asked in a quiet voice, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s eyelids pulled down, lines marring his forehead and he confessed, “I’ve never done this
before. I’ve never been with anyone this way. Only with, forced by…” he trailed off as his huge arms
began to shake. My heart lurched when I knew what he was telling me.
“Shh…” I soothed and stroked his hair. “I am the same. Because I too have never done this before.
Not like this. Only with you. Only ever with you.” I swallowed back threatening tears and whispered,
“Only ever because of you…”
“Maddie,” Flame said. I cried as a tear dropped from his eye. Leaning forward, I kissed away the
salty drop, exactly as he had done with me. Chasing away the demons of our pasts.
For several long seconds we breathed in the same air, until I pushed myself to move my legs, to
open my legs for Flame. Flame’s jaw tightened as his length fell between my legs at this small
movement.
I could feel the fear, the nerves threatening us both. The air crackled with fear and tension. Running
my hand down between our stomachs, my fingers met Flame’s length. I stilled as my hands wrapped
around it and Flame groaned aloud. Then I saw it in his eyes, the sheer need, and lowering his head to
mine, I murmured against his lips, “Make love to me.”
Flame moaned and his hips moved forward. I directed him inside me, and my mouth parted on a
quiet gasp when he pushed gently inside.
Our bodies were trembling as we hung on the precipice of becoming one. Then as Flame’s large
arms tensed, shaking at the enormity of what we were about to do, his eyelids hooded and he
whispered, “You are my Maddie…” immediately before he pressed himself forward, his length
filling me so impossibly full.
Needing to find purchase, to ground me in this moment, my hands wrapped around Flame’s neck. A
pained groan tore from his throat. Then we stilled as he lay inside of me.
I waited for him to move again, I waited to follow his lead, but when I looked up, his face appeared
torn with agony. His breathing was out of control and sweat had beaded on his forehead. My hand
lifted to sweep across his brow, and he gasped for breath. His taut arms trembled, and haunted dark
eyes grew to the size of saucers.
“Flame?” I asked, the last of my nerves fraying, seeing the man I had fallen so deeply for coming
undone.
My hand stayed on his face and I focused his attention to me. “Flame? What is it?”
His eyes closed and his lips paled. His breath stalled, then on a sharp gasp they opened and he
whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.”
My heart sank at the gutting tone of his confession. “Why? Tell me what is wrong?” I gently pushed.
Flame’s focus fell to his arms, and he said, “I need pain. To come… I need pain.” He blinked, then
blinked again. “I only know how to come through pain.” He sucked in a breath. “Not like this. Never
done this before.” Flame’s attention fell back to me. “I want to, Maddie. I fucking want this, so bad. I
need this… but I need pain. I’m fucked up and I need pain to go through with this.”
Flame lifted his hand and took hold of mine. He moved them slowly to his arm still at my side.
Taking my fingers, he pressed my fingernails into the flesh on his forearm, and dragged my nails down
his skin.
Flame hissed and I felt his length swell within me as my nails marked his skin. Color burst on his
cheeks, and with his eyes still closed, he released my hand and demanded harshly, “Again. Do it
again.”
With a timid hand, I moved my fingers to the top of Flame’s arm and dragged my fingers down to his
wrist in a slow, hard motion. Flame’s hips bucked harshly inside of me, an aggressive cry leaving his
lips.
I tensed in fear. I froze on the mattress, my hands dropping to my sides. I tried to breathe, but it
seemed out of my reach.
Flame’s eyes opened, just as a tear trickled down the side of my face. He watched the droplet fall
into my hair and he reared back his chest.
“Maddie?” he rasped. “You’re crying.”
I glanced to the scratches I had made on his arms, the skin red and raised, and I felt sick. I shook my
head on the pillow. “I cannot Flame,” I said barely making a sound. “I cannot have pain involved in
this act. Not between us.” I cast Moses’ face from my head, and meeting Flame’s pained eyes said, “I
want this with you. I want this with you, so badly. But I cannot. I cannot cause you pain. It is not
within me… it is not how our joining should be. We need this to mean more. We need this to be just
us, not about our pasts.” I swallowed back the emotion threatening to take hold.
The hard muscles on Flame’s chest tensed and flinched then, devastated, he said, “I can’t fucking do
it without the pain. I’m fucked up and need the pain.” His expression fell, and with large lost eyes, he
whispered, “Maddie… how do we do this? I want it so fucking bad… but I don’t think… FUCK!”
Flame’s teeth gritted and his hands fisted the linen sheets.
Inhaling deep, I lifted my hands to lie on his dark bearded cheeks. Flame sighed as in defeat, his
broad shoulders sagging. His eyes would not meet mine, his eyes were forever on mine, and his
avoidance shattered my heart.
“Flame?” I said softly. “Look at me.” Flame looked up at me through lowered long black lashes, and
I said, “We have to do this. We both have to do this to move on. No fear. No demons. Just us. You
and Me. Flame and his Maddie.”
“Maddie,” he responded gruffly, almost painfully. “I don’t know… I can’t… the pain, I need it—”
“You have me,” I interrupted, feeling the strength of that statement resonate in my every cell. Flame
stilled, watching me with a profound intensity. Boldly, rolling my hips, I said, “We need to make this
our first time. We need to make this the first act of love we have ever known. This is the night we
lose our innocence, without the pain.” Another tear fell from my eye, and I added, “We have been
lonely too long.”
“I don’t know how to do this without pain,” Flame said in a desperate tone.
Pulling his head down, his forehead met mine. “Focus on me. Make me your one thought. Replace
the pain with thoughts of my face. My touch… my love…”
Flame’s lips pressed a whisper of a kiss to the side of my mouth. And desperate to see this through,
I moved to run a hand down his arm over the scratches I had made. Guilt engulfed me, and I hushed,
“Your pain causes me pain. Your distress causes me distress.”
Flame froze, and glancing down at my hand, he said, “I don’t want to cause you pain. I couldn’t
fucking stand causing you pain. Not you.”
Hope filled my heart, and I pushed, “Then try. Try to make love to me without the scratches or the
blades… without the hurtful memories of your past. Just… me and you.”
Flame’s eyes closed, his body deathly still, then threading his fingers through mine, he began to
move.
And the tears fell.
Flame’s head had tucked into my neck, and at the sound of my gentle sobs, he looked up and, pouring
from his eyes, were tears too. My heart broke at the sight of this man becoming so undone.
And then he moved, expelling painful frustrated groans, my name slipping from his lips. Eleven
times. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie,
Maddie…” A sob followed as he gradually built up speed, his hand gripping mine so impossibly
tight.
And the tears did not stop. They did not stop as Flame’s groans of pain gave way to groans of
pleasure. They increased in tandem with mine, his fullness within me igniting something in my blood,
a build-up, a build-up of whispers under my skin, of a light shining behind my eyes.
Flame’s breathing changed, and as he looked down at me, his face wearing an expression of
disbelief, my finger stroked along his bearded cheek.
“Maddie!” he growled, his hips rolling faster as his large arms lifted to cage me on the bed, our
fingers still entwined. My pulse increased when the sparks in my blood surged with heat. Unable to
keep from closing my eyes, a cry came from my lips as a feeling so intense took hold of my body. My
back arched, guiding my breasts to brush against Flame’s hard chest. I panicked at the unfamiliar
sensation, but all I could feel was Flame—before me, above me… inside me… within me…
Just as my eyes fluttered open, Flame’s large body tensed, and releasing a deafening roar, he jerked
within me. Heat filled my body… Flame’s heat.
Just Flame.
No pain.
Flame’s breathing was erratic, arms unsteady as his head tucked in my nape, then raising his head,
his glazed eyes snapped into focus as his tears caught in his beard.
It was like I had seen him for the very first time. This man, my Flame, above me, fixing me back
together. A sob came from his mouth and he rasped, “Maddie… my Maddie… mine…”
My heart stilled as I stared up at his disbelieving face. Without restraint, or any falsehood in my
heart, I confessed, “I love you…”
 Chapter Twenty-Three

Flame

Maddie’s hand was on my face as she spoke those words. And I swallowed, shaking my head.
“No,” I replied, my body freezing with fear.
Maddie’s forehead pulled down, and she whispered, “It is true, Flame. I love you. With all of my
heart, I am yours. All that I am, you possess.”
I swallowed, but I couldn’t believe her. I wanted to, but his voice was in my head. No one will ever
love you, boy. You’re a fucking retard. No one will ever want you.
My eyes squeezed shut and I rolled off Maddie, groaning when I slipped out of her. I fell to my back
and stared at the wooden ceiling.
Flame… I love you…
“No,” I hissed once more as I replayed Maddie’s voice telling me those words. I lifted my arm to
cover my eyes, blocking out the world, then I felt Maddie move. I felt her chest press against mine, I
felt her firm tits push against my skin. Then her finger was stroking down the length of my arm, and I
sighed at how fucking good her touch could make me feel.
Lowering my arm, Maddie’s face was focused on me. Her green eyes were shining, and she
whispered, “I do not lie.” Leaning in, she pressed her lips to mine. As soon as our mouths met, the
heat in my blood cooled, and I wrapped my fingers in her long hair.
When Maddie broke from the kiss, her finger stroked down my face and she said, “I do not know
why you do not believe you are worthy to be loved, but I do love you, so purely and honestly that I
can scarcely believe it myself.” Her eyes dipped as her fingertip traced the flame tattoos on my chest.
“You have brought me back to life.” She choked on a laugh and said, “You have made my life.”
My heart pounded, my pulse raced, and lifting my hands, I bared my palm and said, “But all I do is
hurt people. I make them leave. Nobody can love me. It’s not fucking possible.”
Maddie leaned forward until her face was hovering just above mine, and she asked, “Flame, you
must tell me. What has happened in your past to make you think this?”
Her finger stroked along my beard, and she said, “To make you think that your touch is harmful? To
make you measure your life in sets of eleven? I want to know you. I want to know everything.”
I tensed as she asked that and I could feel sweat building on my forehead. “Maddie,” I whispered,
opening my eyes and shutting them again, trying to not go back there. Maddie’s small hand linked
within mine. My eyes opened and focused on our joined hands.
Maddie swallowed and confided, “I was six when Brother Moses first came for me.” Maddie’s
breathing hitched and her voice began to quiet. “I was sitting alone in my quarters. Bella, Mae and
Lilah had already been taken by their assigned elders, because they were older.” Her eyes looked
away, then she continued. “I remember I had been sitting at the window, watching the normal people
in the commune go about their daily duties. I remember I had been smiling at a butterfly fluttering
around the courtyard outside.” Maddie’s mouth had pulled into a gentle smile, but then it vanished. “I
remember hearing someone at the doorway. And when I looked over, an older large man was standing
there, staring at me, with his arms over his chest. He was dressed all in black, and I remember his
black boots.” Maddie shook her head. “I do not know why I remember those boots. Maybe it was the
sound they made on the ground, or how they made him appear so tall and frightening? But I remember
feeling so much fear that I was paralyzed. For years I had seen my sisters taken away by the elders,
and every time they returned, they struggled to walk. They were quiet. Too quiet.”
Maddie sniffed, but there were no tears in her eyes. Then her hand squeezed in mine. “He told me I
was to go with him. But I could not move. So he walked forward, his heavy boots like thunder claps
on the ground. And reaching out, he gripped my arm so tightly in his large hand. I remember calling
out at the sharp pain, and he smiled at me, his teeth gleaming under his long dark beard. Thinking
back, I always see that smile when I close my eyes. Because he liked that I was in pain. He enjoyed
causing me pain.”
“Maddie,” I hushed out, but she stared into the distance and I couldn’t stop her. I knew she was lost
in the memory, just like I got lost in mine.
“He led me down a long hallway until we reached a room at the end. I watched him open the door,
and when it opened I remember not being able to comprehend what I was seeing. There were ropes
and chains hanging from the ceilings. There were handcuffs and heavy chains attached to the walls,
and in the center of the room was a table. A table with shackles of all sizes to attach to wrists and
feet.”
I closed my eyes, unable to get that fucked up scene out of my head. Maddie’s hands began to go
cold. “He took me in there, Flame. He led me in by the hand and he locked the door behind us.
“I remember jumping at the sound of the locks snapping, and then he stood before me. I remember he
lifted his hand. I remember he lifted his hand and stroked it down my cheeks. He would call me his
little beautiful evil girl. Then he leaned forward and removed my headdress. I remember being scared
that it was sinful for him to bare my hair,” Maddie sucked in a breath, and with a broken voice, said,
“but that was the very last thing I should have feared. Because what came next set the course of my
life, until I was freed just months ago.”
Maddie’s eyes looked lost. I wanted to say something to her, but the flames in my blood were back
at the thought of someone hurting her. The flames were in my blood, scalding my flesh at the thought
of that cunt hurting her, of taking her into to that torture chamber.
Maddie’s hand gripped tighter still, and she blurted, “He ripped my dress from my back, Flame. He
cut off my undergarments. He lifted me up naked and placed me on the table. Within seconds he had
tied me down with the smallest set of shackles. I remember panicking because I could not move. I
remember trying to free myself. Then I remember Moses suddenly standing before me, naked, holding
his manhood in his hands. Looking back now, he must have been in his mid-thirties at the time. And I
was six. He was so much older than I, yet he wanted me in a carnal way.”
Maddie’s breathing caught in her throat. I lifted my chest to try and calm her down. Then her cheeks
paled and she added, “He started telling me that I was evil. That my looks were too tempting for men
to resist, and that he had been charged with purifying my soul. I remember him slowly climbing on the
table, his large body hovering above me, and I remember his hand lifting to run over my bare chest,
his fingers squeezing my small nipples between his fingers. I was so confused. I did not understand
why he was touching me in my private places.
“And then he lay above me, between my little spread legs. But I could not get free; I tried and I tried
to get free. But it was no use. I was trapped, and Brother Moses relished it.” Maddie’s whole body
tensed and her eyes winced. “And then he pushed himself inside of me. So hard and so rough that I
remember screaming so loudly that my ears rang. I feared I had been split open, the pain was that
great. But my scream only spurred him to strike my cheek and tell me shut up. He did not stop.
Trapped on that table, he took me over and over, again and again. So many times, that I eventually
passed out. When I awoke I was back in my quarters with Bella, Mae and Lilah, all surrounding my
bed. And as I awoke, I remember feeling the agonizing pain coming from between my legs. Looking
down, I saw blood. So much blood.” Tears were now falling freely from Maddie’s eyes, but she
wiped them away to add, “And it never stopped. If anything, his ‘schooling’ of me became worse. I
instantly learned to dread that room. Then after a while, it became my life. And that’s when I died
inside.”
Maddie blinked fast and looked down at me. Her lip twitched and a sad smile played on her full
lips. “Until you appeared, the unlikeliest of saviors. Flame, you saved me from him. From that life…
from never knowing what it was like to hold hands. To kiss and to make such sweet love that it still
feels like a dream. You have no idea how special you are to me.” Maddie held up our joined hands
and said, “Even now, looking at these hands, I am terrified this is all in my head, that being here with
you, is just another fantasy that will never be realized. That I am sitting at my window, sketching a
future I pray will happen, before I blink and discover it is all in my head, that I must be content to
simply watch you from afar.”
Maddie leaned down and pressed her lips to my forehead. When she pulled back, her hands were
stroking my hair. “But then I feel this new, strange, overwhelming feeling in my heart, and know this
is all real. That I have been saved, again. Because I feel fear and hope pulsing simultaneously through
my body. I feel giddy and nervous at the same time. And I cannot breathe at the thought of being
without you, for even one second.” Maddie’s hand lowered to rest on my cheeks, and she said, “So
you may think you cannot be loved. But in my heart, in my healing soul, I am begging the question,
how can you not? Because for me, you are truth. My truth. My heart, is all you.” Maddie smiled, the
pretty sight like a punch straight in the heart. “I love you, Flame. And I will spend the rest of my life
trying to make you believe that you are worthy of being loved.”
I groaned on hearing those words. I wrapped my arms around Maddie’s neck, bringing her down to
my chest. I held her tight and rasped, “I can’t fucking stand the thought of that cunt doing what he did
to you.”
Maddie’s arms tucked around my waist, and with her cheek on my chest, she admitted, “And I
cannot bear the thought that someone hurt you either. Even now, I cannot fathom what really happened
to you. I know that they hurt you at your church. I know it is because you do not see the world as
everyone else does. But… who is he? Who is the man you refer to? The one who enters your mind?
The one who takes you to the hatch and hurts you? I believe like Brother Moses did to me.”
I held her tighter as I thought of his face. His hard face and those eyes that stared at me with such
hatred. I thought of the darkness, of the dirt floor… and the screaming… the motherfucking
screaming…
 “Flame?” Maddie called, summoning me from the darkness with a simple kiss on my chest.
I held her tighter, and confessed, “I’ve… I’ve never told anyone before…” My lungs squeezed, I
could hear his voice pushing through, You evil little shit. You took her from us and now all he does
is scream. Here, you fucking deal with it…
“Shh, Flame. All is well,” Maddie soothed.
I focused on her hands around my waist and her soft breathing on my chest, then I rasped, “The
snakes didn’t work.”
Maddie tensed and her arms squeezed tighter. I stared at the ceiling and said, “The church, the
poison; none of it worked. For months and months he kept taking me back to the church, back to Pastor
Hughes. But nothing they did worked. He said the flames would never leave. That I was evil, and
everything I touched would be ruined too. I never got better at understanding things, at being like
normal people. And eventually they gave up taking me to church. But his punishments got worse.”
“Who is he, Flame?” Maddie asked, and his face came into my head again.
“My poppa,” I whispered in reply. My stomach ached at speaking his name aloud. “He said I was
evil. That I had flames running in my blood. He tried to get them out through God. Instead he told me
that I belonged to the devil. That I was a curse on all of the family, because the devil had made me
slow and stupid.”
“Flame,” Maddie whispered, and she lifted her head to look me in the eyes.
“I tried, Maddie. I tried real hard to speak to other kids, but I never said anything right. I… I didn’t
understand what I said that made them laugh at me, or cry, or run away. Never ever understood.
Every time it happened, my poppa would get more and more angry. And he would hit me, send me to
my room because he told me he couldn’t stand to be near me.” I inhaled and continued. “He would
see me playing on the floor with my toys, and scream at me that I was evil, that I was a retard. And
my mama… he would scream at her too. She would try to get him to stop. She would try over and
over again. But he’d hurt her too when she did. When my baby brother was born, he would scream at
him too, to stop crying. But he was a baby, and babies cry all the time.”
Maddie lifted her head and asked, “You have a brother? A mother?”
My stomach fell and I shook my head. I could feel my head twitching. My body jerked and I needed
to get up, but Maddie shifted her body to lie across mine and her palms caressed my face.
“They are not here?” When I looked down, my arm was held out, my sharp nails scraping over my
veins.
I choked, my throat too tight, and I whispered, “Maddie… I killed them. I hurt them… I fucking
killed them…”
Maddie swallowed and prompted, “What do you mean? Talk to me Flame. Do not keep it inside,
where it causes you pain. Share it with me. Let me share your pain.”
My eyes shut, and I heard my poppa screaming in my head. “Flame… talk to me, please…” Maddie
begged, taking me right back to that day. Right back to that hell…
Poppa had left. I heard the slamming of the door. I relaxed, and laid down on the dirt floor. I was
so tired. I was so hungry. But I hadn’t dared to move, hearing his footsteps above me. If he caught
me sleeping I would be punished. And my body hurt. The belt hurt and I didn’t want more pain.
Just as I laid my cheek on the dirt, I heard feet moving above me, then stop. I sat straight up and
shuffled back into the corner of the hole.
My heart started beating too fast, thinking it was my poppa, and I scratched at my wrists to get
out the flames before he could do it himself. I didn’t want his blades on my arm again. They hurt
too much.
Then just as I’d sliced my arm with my sharp fingernails, someone laid down on the hatch above.
I froze, my eyes trying to search through the cracks. But I couldn’t see anything.
Then a voice drifted down to the cellar where I sat. “Son, can you hear me?”
My body relaxed when I heard the sound of my mama. “Mama?” I whispered and I heard her
sob.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?”
“It hurts,” I whispered, and held up my arm to the cracks in the floor, just in case she could see.
I could see the blood on my skin.
“I’m trying, Mama. I’m trying to get out the flames so Poppa won’t take me back to church. I
don’t like the snakes. The Pastor ties me down and they bite me.”
Mama sniffed. “I know, baby. I know you don’t like them. I don’t either.”
I lowered my arm, and said, “Poppa says I’m a retard. I think… I think that’s bad. Because he
hurts me when he calls me it. But I don’t understand what one is?”
My mama sobbed again. “Listen to me, baby. You’re not a retard. No matter what anyone tells
you, you’re not a retard. Okay?”
I nodded and dropped my arm. I pushed myself to my feet and tried to reach the floorboards
above. But I couldn’t. “Mama?” I asked. “Can you let me out? It’s dark and cold, and I get scared
down here on my own.” Mama kept sobbing, but louder this time. My eyebrows pulled down.
“Mama? Why are you crying?”
Mama didn’t say anything for a while, then I saw her fingers squeezing through a wide crack in
the floor. “Can you see my fingers, baby?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Touch my fingers, baby… let me touch your hand.”
I looked around and saw a bit of dirt sticking out of the wall. Moving over, I put my foot on the
ledge and lifted myself to touch her fingers. As soon as our fingers touched I took a deep breath. I
loved my mama. She was kind, and she never called me names.
Mama cried louder and tightened her fingers around mine. “Mama? Can you get me out now?”
“I can’t,” she cried. “Poppa’s locked you in and I don’t have the key.”
My heart sank. “Okay,” I whispered.
“Baby,” my mama called. My head looked up trying to see her, but I couldn’t. Her voice had
changed. I could tell.
 “Yeah, mama?”
“I need… I need you to know that I love you. I love you so much, baby… but I’m tired. I’m so
tired.”
Mama’s fingers tightened on mine, and they were shaking. “Mama, why are your hands
shaking?” I asked.
Mama cried. She cried and cried, and she didn’t stop for such a long time. Then she whispered,
“I love you, baby, so much. You’re so special to me. Even if you’re different, you’re my little boy.
But…” She sucked in a breath. “But I can’t stay. I can’t stay…”
My heart dropped in fear and I gripped her fingers tighter. “No, Mama. Don’t leave me. Don’t
leave me. I don’t want you to go.” But her fingers began pulling away. “No!” I shouted, and tried
to hold them tighter. But I couldn’t keep hold.
“Look after your brother, baby. Protect him and keep him safe,” she hushed out, then her fingers
disappeared.
“Mama!” I shouted, but my foot slipped on the dirt ledge and I fell to the hard ground. Mama’s
footsteps moved away from the hatch and I heard her say, “I love you, baby. I’m sorry… I’m so
sorry…”
I lifted my knees to my chest and began rocking. Then the house went silent. And I cried. I cried
because she’d left me. She touched me, then she left.
Left me here with him…
Opening my eyes, I put my hand on Maddie’s face, and blurted, “She was on the bed. She never left
the house like I thought. I heard my poppa screaming from their bedroom when he got home. Then he
came to the hatch and dragged me out. He didn’t say anything, just dragged me into their bedroom.
And there she was, covered in blood, lying still on the bed.” I moved my hands and pointed to my
wrists. “Blood was coming from her wrists. And there was a knife on the bed, at her side. A long
sharp knife.”
“Oh no, Flame…”
“And my baby brother was in his crib at Mama’s side, screaming at the top of his lungs. My poppa
was pacing, his hands clutching his head. But I couldn’t stop looking at my mama, on the bed. I
couldn’t stop looking at the blood… then I saw her eyes. They looked strange. They were staring
right at me, but there was no life. It made me feel so sad. I remember my chest tightening and my
hands beginning to shake, because of the blood, because she wasn’t moving, and because of her eyes.
“A noise came out of my throat the more I stared at her pale face. When I made the noise, my poppa
turned round. His face went red and he pointed at my face, ‘This is your fault you evil little retard.
You made her do this. The evil in your veins made her do this. You’re a curse, a curse on this
motherfucking family!’
“I didn’t know how I’d done it, but then I remembered I’d touched her. My poppa hadn’t allowed
me touch anyone. I was too frightened to touch anyone, in case I hurt them, but I’d held my mama’s
fingers. And I knew my touch had killed her.
“Then he came at me, came at me and took me by the collar. He dragged me across the living room,
hurting my neck, until we reached the hatch. He lifted the handle, and when I looked down all I could
see was the darkness. I shook my head, because I didn’t want to go inside, again. I was scared of the
dark, and I wanted to be with my mama and baby brother in the other room. I didn’t want my mama to
be gone. I wanted her back. Because she was the only person who ever smiled at me. And I didn’t
want to not see her smile again. I didn’t want to be left alone with my poppa. Because he hated me.”
Maddie leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my jaw. But I couldn’t stop, I needed her to know the
rest. I needed her to know it all.
“He threw me in, again, Maddie. He threw me into the cellar and slammed the hatch shut. I
screamed for him to let me out, but he didn’t come back for me. He left me there, alone. It was so
cold, but he left me there, again.”
“For how long?” Maddie’s voice was shaking. I shook my head.
“I don’t know. But I was hungry and tired and cold. I could hear my baby brother screaming all the
time. And I could hear my poppa screaming back at him, ordering him to shut up. I rocked back and
forth, trying to block out the screaming, trying to get warm. Then the door opened. I scurried to the
side of the small cellar, the bright light hurt my eyes. My poppa jumped down. I could smell alcohol
on his breath, and in his hand he held the knife that I’d seen on my mama’s bed. The one she’d cut her
arms with.”
“Flame, you do not have to keep going,” Maddie said softly. When I looked at her face, tears
flooded down her cheeks.
“I have to,” I croaked in response, and I lifted Maddie's hand to the side of my head. “I want you to
understand me. All of me.” I tapped my head. “In here.”
“Flame,” she cried, but I kept going. I had to.
Even now, when I shut my eyes, I could smell the alcohol on my poppa’s breath. My muscles tensed,
but I had to continue. “I tried to hide in the corner, but my poppa reached out and pulled me up to
stand. He pushed me against the wall and used the knife to slice off my clothes. I wanted to scream,
but I couldn’t stand the sound of screaming. So I kept my mouth shut. And then I felt it. The knife blade
slicing down my back, the pain making my legs shake. And my poppa began to count, ‘One…’ He
counted every slice he made. And I felt the pain, but I didn’t scream. I couldn’t bear the screaming.
But my poppa just got angrier, and he kept slicing. Kept counting until he reached eleven. He always
stopped at eleven, he never got to twelve. The count never reached twelve.
“Then he stepped back and I thought he’d finished. Thought he’d finished trying to get the flames out.
But then I heard the zipper on his jeans pull down, and I felt the heat of his chest at my back.”
I wrapped my arms around Maddie, trying not to go back there. Trying not to feel his hot alcohol
breath on my face. His hands on my hips.
“I have you, Flame,” Maddie whispered, “I have you. You are not there with him.”
“Maddie,” I groaned, trying to hold on tight. But I needed to tell her. I needed to keep going.
“He spread my legs apart and used his finger first. I held back my scream, but it just seemed to make
him angrier. ‘I’m gonna take the devil right from your tainted sinful flesh.’ And he did, because
after his finger, he fully took me. He took me over and over, again and again. He came back night after
night. He would slice my back with the blade, always counting to eleven. I never knew why he
counted to eleven. Then he would fuck me. Fuck me until I couldn’t walk, then he’d leave me in the
dark, naked and cold on the dirt; alone in the darkness.”
Maddie released a sob. “My God, Flame. I am sorry… I am so sorry…” But I wasn’t finished, my
arms tightening so hard around her small body that Maddie gasped and looked up. “What is it Flame?
What else could there be to tell?”
“My brother,” I whispered, feeling white hot pain rip through my body, “My baby brother, Isaiah.”
I began to tell her the worst part of all; about all of the evil. It was all too real, in my head. So
fucking real, it felt like I was right back there. Right back when I was eight years old, and everything
fucking changed. Right back to the fucking darkness, and I relived every minute…
I could hear him screaming again. He’d been crying for days. Something was wrong. It had to be
wrong. But Poppa wouldn’t take him to the doctor, he didn’t believe in doctors. He said that the
Lord would heal us if our souls were pure enough to be saved. But my brother wouldn’t stop
screaming. I’d been listening to him scream for days as I sat in the hole, in complete darkness.
My body tensed when I heard the front door slamming open and my poppa’s heavy footsteps
pounding across the floor. I could hear the rattling of bottles and I knew he’d been out to get more
drink. My legs pressed together when I knew what that meant for me. It meant he’d be coming for
me again tonight, or today, or whatever time it was.
I winced when I heard my baby brother crying again. Then I heard a crash and my poppa
screamed, “Shut the fuck up! Shut. The. Fuck. Up!”
But my brother cried even louder, more and more.
Lifting my hands to my ears, I began to rock; counting to eleven as I rocked back and forth. Back
and forth.
A light switched on upstairs, the painful brightness creeping through the small cracks in the
door. When the light shone on my naked stomach, I looked down and frowned. I could see my ribs.
My stomach had gone in, and my fingers looked small and thin.
I jumped as my brother cried again. I heard my poppa shout out, “I’m done with the two of you,
ruining my fucking life. The retard and the one that won’t stop fucking screaming!”
My heart began to race as my brother’s crying got closer. My poppa’s footsteps came closer and
closer, then the lock of the door above me opened, and I scurried to the side of my cell.
My nails scratched at the skin over my veins, just as my poppa jumped down into the dirt.
The light from upstairs flooded into my small cell, and when I looked up, I moaned. My
screaming brother was in my poppa’s arms. Isaiah was bright red, and sweat covered his body. My
poppa had a knife in his hand. When I met his eyes, he bent down and threw the knife at my feet.
It was the knife my mama had used on her wrists.
I stared at the knife, wondering what he wanted me to do. Walking forward, he put my brother
down next to me. I stared at Isaiah and pressed myself further into the exposed dirt wall. I
couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t touch him. I would hurt him, like I did Mama.
My poppa stood up and looked down. “You killed your mother, now you look after this screaming
little cunt too. I’m done with you both.”
 I panicked as he began to move away. “No, don’t leave,” I pleaded. I held up my arms for him to
see the scratches and blood that I’d drawn. “I’ll try harder to remove the flames. I’ll try harder…
I… I love you,” I whispered, and pushed my bleeding wrists out further.
But my poppa didn’t reply and he climbed out of the door, so drunk he almost fell. He drank more
and more since mama died. “You two being born was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I
could never love you. No one could ever love a sinner like you.” Then the door shut, trapping me
and my baby brother inside. And then he started to cry. And then he started screaming. The noise
from his screaming hurt my ears. But he didn’t stop. He never stopped crying.
Hours and hours passed and he didn’t stop. The light was still on upstairs, but I hadn’t heard my
poppa since he left us down here. I was hungry, I was thirsty, but he never came back.
And Isaiah got worse.
When I leaned over, he was looking at me, but his breathing had changed. It was deep and slow,
but his dark eyes, eyes like mine, were looking up at me, his thin arms reaching out.
My stomach ached as I said, “I can’t touch you… I’ll hurt you…” But he kept on crying. He kept
on screaming until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
My hand fisted into balls as I fought the flames inside. As I prayed to God that they didn’t hurt
him. But my poppa had been gone so long that I didn’t think he was coming back. Then Isaiah’s
breathing became shallower, but I could still see him looking up at me. And I had to hold him. He
was scared and hurt… like me.
I had to hold him.
Holding my breath, I let out a scream and reached forward, picking him up in my hands, then I
cradled him in my arms.
But his skin wasn’t hot now. My baby brother was freezing cold. His eyes were strange—glazed
over. But he kept looking at me, and I began to rock, like Mama used to do. And I sang, Twinkle
Twinkle Little Star, just like my mama used to do. It hurt my throat to sing. I was so thirsty, but I
sang to make Isaiah feel better.
I wanted him to feel better.
“Twinkle twinkle little star… how I wonder what you are… up above the world so high… like a
diamond in the sky…
But it didn’t help.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered when I stopped singing, and heard a crackle in his little
skinny chest. But Mama had asked me to look after him, to protect him.
So I began to count. I counted his breathing, and all the time I never looked away from his tiny
face. “One,” I whispered, as he took in a slow deep breath, “two,” I continued, hugging him
closer to my chest. “Three,” I counted, but his breaths were slowing, “four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten…” I noticed that Isaiah’s arms had dropped, his skin was ice-cold, but his eyes were still
open and looking at me. Then I waited for him to breathe again. I counted, “eleven…” and I
waited. And I waited some more. But nothing was happening. My body started to shake. Isaiah’s
dark eyes were unmoving, his body was too still.
 I moved my arms, trying to get him to breathe. But he didn’t move. “Twelve,” I whispered,
desperate for him to reach twelve. My arms began to twitch. But Isaiah didn’t move. I started to
rock back and forth like I’d seen my mama do with him when he was in her arms. “Twelve…
please… get to twelve…” But when I moved, his thin arms fell to his side. His head tipped back,
eyes still wide, but he no longer stared at me.
Isaiah had gone… just like Mama...
He’d left me too.
I’d hurt him… I’d made him leave me too…
I snapped my head round, and my eyes were blurred remembering little Isaiah. I blinked away the
water in my eyes. Suddenly, Maddie’s crying face was in front of mine, her arms cradling my head.
“My touch killed him, Maddie,” I confessed in a whisper, and wrapped my arms around her.
“Shh…” Maddie said brokenly, as she rocked my head in her hold. “You did no such thing. It was
your father. He left you there to die. Your brother was ill and he left him with you. With no medical
help. You did not kill him, Flame. Your touch did not harm your brother or your mama. It was your
father’s neglect.”
Maddie leaned back. “But he didn’t reach twelve. Eleven. It was always eleven. Eleven slices on
my back, and then eleven breaths from Isaiah. Why is it always eleven? Why did he always count in
fucking eleven’s? I can never get the number eleven from my head. Everything’s eleven.”
Maddie held me close, then said, “I do not know.” I dropped my head, and Maddie said, “It was
such a beautiful name. Isaiah.”
I inhaled a breath. “My name was Josiah,” I confided, for the very first time in my life. “Josiah
William Cade.”
Looking up, I watched a tear roll down Maddie’s cheek. Her fingers stroked down my beard and her
lips parted. “Josiah William Cade,” she whispered and she leaned in to press a kiss to my lips.
“I hate that name, Josiah,” I spat.
Maddie nodded her head. “I understand, as I too hate my name, Magdalene. I am glad you shared
your birth name with me. I am happy you shared it all. Because now, Flame, we know all there is to
know about one another. Everything. All is bared.”
Feeling drained, I laid my head back, bringing Maddie to my chest. The room was filled with
silence. I tried to block out the memories again. But I couldn’t. They wouldn’t go. Then as my eyes
closed, I felt Maddie kiss my chest. She whispered, “I love you, Flame.”
I sucked in a breath, and squeezed my eyes shut, the images disappearing. I held her closer,
unclenched my jaw, and whispered, “I… Maddie... I love you too…”
 Chapter Twenty-Four

Maddie

When morning broke the next day, the light filtered through the thin curtains at the window. I blinked
open my eyes, and I instantly felt warm. Two large arms were holding me tightly and my cheek was
flush against the warmest of skin.
And I smiled.
And my heart swelled.
Flame. I was sleeping beside Flame. And better still, he was sleeping with me. He was sleeping…
in a bed, as he deserved. I closed my eyes, listening to his rhythmic slow breathing, and I felt content.
I lay, staring at the light filtering into the bedroom, and thought back to last night. To everything.
Prophet Cain freeing us, seeing Flame arriving to take me home, his kiss on the bike, then making
love, Flame stopping, but both of us finding a way to push on through. My stomach dropped when I
recalled him explaining about his brother, his mother, and that awful man he had for a father. It was
no wonder he deeply believed his touch could hurt. His mama had taken her own life, probably due to
his father’s ill treatment, and his brother had died through neglect. Being told he was evil was all he
had ever been told. And he was so much more. So much more than he believed himself to be.
I thought of that first day he woke in this cabin. Believing someone was behind me, preparing to hurt
me. And Flame had distracted him, to save me. Distracted him by staggering weakly to the hatch he
had built into his floor, where he had proceeded to pleasure himself and cut himself at the same time.
Though there was no pleasure in this act. And I now knew he relived his father taking him each and
every night, administering the slices to his body in his father’s stead. He had grown up believing that
his release must be brought through pain. His release—just another expulsion of the evil living within
his body.
And the number eleven. Always eleven times. His life was measured in sets of eleven. Flame
forever relived the slices from his father’s blade, and the last eleven breaths of his baby brother’s
short tragic life.
My arms around his waist instinctively held him closer. Woken from my touch, I felt Flame move
underneath me, his chest stilling as his hands frantically felt along my back. He was making sure I was
really here.
I lifted my head, only to be met with the intense dark eyes I adored so much. “Morning,” I greeted,
feeling a blush rush to my cheeks. Flame’s eyes ran over my naked body and he shifted in his position.
“Maddie,” he replied. I slowly crawled up his body to reach his mouth. Making sure my kiss was
welcome, and reading in his slightly parted lips that it was, I bent down and timidly pressed my lips
against his.
It felt just as precious as it had the night before, the same swarm of butterflies accosting my stomach,
as I had felt the first time we kissed. I broke away, and stroking his hair, asked, “Are you okay?”
 Flame’s eyes kept dipping to my mouth and he nodded his head. “Yeah.”
A smile tugged on my mouth and I asked, “And did you sleep?”
Flame breathed out a relieved breath, and replied, “Yeah. I always do when you’re here.”
“Then you shall always sleep,” I hushed out quietly. I felt Flame groan, as his erect length pressed
against my thigh. My heart fluttered, and I ached for his touch.
“Flame?” I asked quietly and watched his hand on mine. “Will you bathe with me?”
Flame’s nostrils flared, accompanied by a single sharp nod. I freed myself from his arms and slid
off the bed. As the cool breeze wrapped around me, I suddenly felt very naked. I covered my chest
with my arms, but Flame’s hand pulled them down. “Don’t,” he ordered, and I blushed anew.
Feeling Flame’s eyes watch me walk into the living room, I headed straight for the bathroom and
began running the faucet. The steam from the warm water misted up the room. Absentmindedly, I
leaned against the sink as I waited for the tub to fill. Flame appeared at the entrance to the bathroom.
His large inked body was naked, and heavy muscles moved with his every step.
The wind escaped my lungs as his gaze targeted mine. And that familiar warm needing sensation
built between my legs. Flame entered the room and stood right before me. His hand lifted and pushed
back my hair from my face. He held a strand between his fingers. “I’ve always liked your hair.”
I smiled. I reached up and traced the skin under his eyes. “And I have always liked your eyes.”
Flame expelled a quick breath through his nose. Stepping closer still, I said, “And now I love them…
just like I love you.”
Flame’s hand stilled in my hair and his eyes closed, like he was desperate to hear that confession
from my lips. Heart melting, I reached up and took his hand in mine. Flame’s eyes opened and I led
him to the now full bath, and turned off the faucet.
Guiding him round me, I gestured for Flame to get into the tub first. He climbed in, dwarfing the
large tub, then held out his hand for me to follow. I did not hesitate. Placing my hand within his, I
climbed in. Flame immediately pulled me into his arms and sighed heavily, in happiness.
We sat in silence for minutes, relishing the soothing water, then I reached for the soap and lathered
it in my hands. Turning round, I asked, “May I care for you?”
Flame nodded his head, and placing my hands on his scarred tattooed skin, I began to wash him,
showing with my touch how much he meant to me. I soaped over his arms and across his chest. The
entire time I did so, his eyes never moved from mine. Then as my hands moved down his hard
stomach, he caught my wrist. I looked up in panic, but the soft expression on his face quickly assuaged
any worry. I waited for him to speak, then he finally rasped, “No one has ever cared for me like this
before.”
My heart cracked, because as much as my life had been difficult, and as much as I had shunned their
affection, I had my sisters. But for Flame… there was no one.
Leaning in, until my breasts pressed against his hard chest, I said, “That is in the past. Because I
will care for you every day for the rest of our lives. You are my Flame. I will treasure you always.
More than you will ever know.”
Flame’s eyes flared, and with firm hands in my hair, he brought my mouth down to his. The kiss
started off sweet and shy, but it was not long before an incredible heat built between us. Flame’s
hands left the safety of my face and drifted down across my back, over my hips, to land on my thighs. I
could feel his hard length pressing against me as he rolled. When a long groan left his mouth, I let him
guide my legs to either side of hips. Breaking my mouth from Flame’s on a breathy moan, I pressed
my forehead to his, my trembling hands flush to his cheeks.
“Do it, Flame. I want to feel you inside of me again. I need to feel you inside.”
Flame’s face flashed with apprehension. “Just focus on me, Flame. No pain is needed. No fear. Just
us, remember?”
Flame groaned and then shifted, one hand holding my waist. When I felt him at my entrance, he
stilled, muscles tensed. I watched as his eyes squeezed shut, reliving whatever picture was holding
him back. But I lowered down. Flame’s eyes snapped open as he filled me so impossibly full.
“Maddie,” he groaned as he filled me to the hilt. I sat above him, my hands holding his face, and his
arms holding my waist.
We both breathed.
Then I felt it. The peace and love that Lilah told me she had experienced with Ky. And I knew
nothing this precious could be wrong. I knew that nobody as caring and as loving as Flame could be a
sinner. No flames ran in his blood. Just love for me, and that was enough, always enough.
Lifting my hips, I began to move. The beautiful sensation of him inside me ignited my soul. Flame
began to meet my movements with his own, the pained-with-pleasure expression on his face making
me burn for his touch more.
Moving my lips to his, I melded our mouths; Flame’s warm tongue immediately pushed inside. And
it went on from there. Our bodies moving in perfect unison, Flame’s mouth owning me.
And before too long, tension built at the base of my spine. Flame’s mouth ripped from mine. He
expelled a long moan, his warm seed heating me inside as a blinding light splintered me apart. I held
onto his neck, worried I would float away if I lost his hold.
Fluttering my eyes open, I fell to his chest and breathed in the fresh scent of his skin. Flame’s hand
immediately came around me, pulling me close. I felt him relax as he whispered, “I love you.”
Smiling into his chest, I replied, “And I you, Flame.”
Flame sighed and murmured, “Mine.”
And I smiled even more.
Minutes passed as we lay in the aftermath. Then something I had been thinking of came to mind. My
finger traced the tattoo on Flame’s chest, when I asked, “Flame?”
“Mmm?” he replied as his hands lazily combed through my hair.
“What happened next?”
Flame stilled and I knew his silence meant he did not understand my question. Tilting my head up to
look up to his face, I asked, “After your father left you, and… and your brother died… what happened
next?”
Flame’s eyes narrowed. I knew he was trying to remember. “It’s not real clear, but someone came
and found us. I think we’d been in that dirt hole a while. And I remember it was someone we knew,
but I’m not sure who, my mind is real foggy about that day. They took my brother out of my arms. I
remember trying to keep hold of him, because I didn’t want to lose him, but I had no strength to fight.
Then they put me in a car. We drove for a long time, but I was too tired and hungry to remember much
of the journey.”
My eyes closed imagining him holding onto his brother’s corpse, refusing to let go. And Lord only
knows the state they were in. What state his little brother would have been in, held in Flame’s thin
weak arms.
Flame’s hand began stroking my hair faster. Instantly, I knew something was hurting him. I knew he
stroked my hair when he needed strength.
“They took me to a big building. It was dark and they left me at the door. I think I must have fallen
asleep, because when I woke up I was in a bed I didn’t recognize. A man came in and tried to talk to
me. But he laid his hand on my arm and I screamed. I pushed him off and told him about the flames. I
told him about the evil in my blood and scratched my wrist to show him I was trying to get them out.”
Flame’s eyes had lost focus, completely immersed in his memory. “But he didn’t understand me. I
couldn’t make him understand what was wrong. Just like with everybody else, I always said
something wrong. Something that made them scared or upset or angry.”
“Flame,” I whispered, but he was still there, inside his head. “They took me somewhere new. A
hospital, I think? But I didn’t like it there. They injected me with drugs that made me numb, because I
would try to get to the flames. Then I couldn’t feel the flames, but I knew they were there. They tied
me down so I couldn’t release the flames. I spent all day, every day, for years and years, burning from
inside. I hate fucking being tied down.”
Flame’s gaze moved to meet mine and he explained, “The flames hurt all of the time. They wouldn’t
let me release them. They left me alone in a room, tied to a bed, letting the flames burn me alive.”
“Then how did you get free?” I asked. In my mind's eye I pictured Flame, in the bed weeks ago,
seeing him thrashing around trying to get free. And then the look on his face when I sliced him with
his blade. Because he had been laying, feeling the flames burn him alive.
“They moved somebody in my room with me. People would come and visit him. And there was this
one guy that always came over to me. The doctors had injected me with the numbing drugs, but I
always remembered his face. He had dark hair and always wore leather. I could always smell the
leather.” Flame took in a deep breath, and I could hear his heart racing in his chest. “Then one night,
the guy in leather broke in and freed the other man sharing the room with me. I heard him opening the
window in our room and I heard them leave. But then I felt someone untying me and, when I managed
to look down, I’d been freed from the bed. And the window was still open.”
My body was tense as I listened to his story, and I pushed, “Then what? What happened next? Who
was the man who freed you?”
Flame’s finger ran down my cheek and he said, “What happened next is not real clear because of the
drugs, but I remember climbing out of the window and running. I don’t know how long I ran for, but I
ended up in an alley because I needed to sleep. But when I woke up, I had nowhere else to go. But I
had my knife. The knife I’d managed to hide all those years, the one I would strap under the mattress.
The knife my poppa used on my back every night.
 “I was cutting my arms when I heard footsteps approaching. I’d tensed, gripping my blade in my
hands. When I looked up, it was the guy that had freed me. Him and a bigger guy with long red hair.
They were both dressed in leather, the devil painted on their backs.”
My eyes widened and I whispered, “Viking… the long red hair? Was it Viking?”
Flame nodded and added, “And AK. AK was the one who freed me. The man in the other bed had
been his older brother. They were all Hangmen.”
“And he found you again. He came back for you?”
Flame nodded. “Yeah. I was seventeen.” His gaze fixed on mine and he said, “I was seventeen…
seventeen, when I embraced the darkness. Seventeen when I fucking became Flame. Styx’s old man
gave me the name because I told him I cut my arms to release them from my body. He never asked
anything more. He just accepted me.”
“Flame,” I murmured, kissing along an orange flame tattoo on his chest. But as I did, I asked
curiously, “How did you get all of these tattoos and piercings if you cannot be touched?”
“I wanted them so people wouldn’t come near me. So they could see on the outside, what lived
inside.” Flame tensed, and he added, “And they were painful. Tank did them. Did them all over my
body for three days nonstop. Viking and AK kept me knocked the fuck out. Then when I woke up, I
was this me. I was Flame. No longer Josiah William Cade.”
I stared at the tattoos and I understood. They kept people away. So they wouldn’t touch him. They
made people stay away before they chose to stay away.
Every new word from his mouth seemed to gut me.
“Flame…” I whispered and pressed a final kiss to his skin. Then I asked, “And what happened after
AK and Viking found you?”
“AK brought me to Styx’s old man, the Prez at the time, and they took me in. They didn’t fucking
care that I cut myself. They didn’t fucking care that I was different. They just took me the fuck in. And
I never left.”
“And AK and Viking…?”
“Are my brothers. They… understand me. They know how to talk to me. They saved me. They
fucking saved me. I owe them everything. Even when AK went on tour with the forces, he always kept
in touch with me. Checked in on me as much as he could.”
A lump built in my throat and moving up Flame’s body, I pressed my lips to his. Suddenly, the sound
of voices erupted outside. It was laughter. It was happiness, and brotherhood. And it was Flame’s
family. Which made them my family too.
“They are loud,” I remarked, smiling.
Flame nodded his head, and my heart swelled when I saw his lip twitch with affection. “They
always are. Especially Viking. Ky hits him a lot to get him to shut the fuck up. It never works for
long.”
Then, surprising me, laughter erupted from my chest. Flame stopped breathing, then he sat up and
crushed me to his chest. Yelping in surprise, I held his head in my hands and asked, “Are you okay?”
 Flame nodded against my chest and said, “I like you laughing.”
I sighed and whispered, “And I just love you in any fashion.”
Flame held me tighter still.

*****

I walked out of the bedroom, dressed in my long white dress with my hair pulled back. I saw Flame
sitting against the wall, next to the fire, with his blade in hand. He was staring at the hatch in the floor
at the back of the room. He was dressed once more in his leather pants, black boots and only his cut.
He looked so handsome I thought my heart might burst.
Another round of raucous of laughter erupted outside. Flame lifted his head. I held up my hand,
trying not to show my concern. My concern that he had been staring at that door.
Flame got to his feet and approached. Without hesitation, his hand slotted into mine. “You really
want to go outside?” he asked, and I nodded my head.
“I have stayed indoors for far too long. I feel safe with you by my side and they are your friends.
Your brothers.”
Flame led us to the door. As we entered the clearing in front of the three cabins, I noticed that the
entire club was there, including Mae and Lilah, with Styx and Ky.
They were all drinking and eating food from the grill, when Viking suddenly looked up. “Flame!” he
called, and he winked at me. “Little One.”
Everyone went quiet again, and feeling the embarrassment of their attention, I curled into Flame’s
side, his large strong arm coming around my shoulder to hold me close. I instantly felt safe.
Flame began walking us forward. The closer we got, the more the voices returned to their previous
state.
“Maddie?” Looking up I saw Mae and Lilah sitting with Beauty and Letti. I waved. Flame glanced
down and asked, “You hungry?”
I nodded against his chest and said, “I shall wait with Mae and Lilah.”
Flame’s arm seemed to tighten as though he was reluctant to let go, until Viking called his name.
“Flame, put down your bitch for a fucking hot minute and come get your crazy ass some steak! You’ve
fucking lost weight, and I don’t want the fucking responsibility of being the biggest meanest fucker in
this club.”
“Don’t fucking worry, Vike. Tanner’s got that shit down anyway,” Tank said in reply. Viking began
ripping off his shirt.
“We fucking doing this again, brother? I swear you keep saying this shit just to get me to strip. You
getting hot for my pale ass? Beauty not giving you what you need?”
The brothers all started to laugh, and Flame reluctantly let go of me to walk to the grill. I turned to
join Mae and Lilah, when I caught sight of AK leaving his cabin to my right. So overcome with
gratitude for this man, I hurried to where he was walking, blushing as his face broke out in a smile.
“Hey, Madds—”
I cut off his greeting by wrapping my arms around his waist. AK stilled. Unable to bear his touch for
long, I stepped back, and with lowered eyes, said, “Thank you.”
AK crouched down, his face wearing an expression of confusion. “For what?”
I sensed the silent expectation from behind us. Edging forward I whispered, “For saving him. For
giving him a family… for saving him so that someday he could save me.”
AK’s eyes widened and he swallowed. “He told you?” he asked, clearly taken aback.
I nodded my head. “He told me everything.”
AK ran his hand through his hair. “Fuck,” he exclaimed.
“He is… he is fortunate to have you in his life,” I added, then quickly turned away.
Suddenly, AK’s hand grabbed my arm. When my eyes shot to his, he pushed, “Is he good now,
Madds? Is he fucking out of whatever hell he was in?”
Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw Flame watching AK’s hand on my arm. His fists were at his
side, but he had not moved.
Stepping back, AK’s hand dropped away. “Almost, I believe,” I assured. Just as I gave my reply,
the image of Flame sitting, staring at that hatch, with that particular blade wandered idly across my
mind.
“Shit. That brother deserves to be rid of his past. Once and for fucking all.” AK smirked and
remarked, “At least he’s got you now, Madds. At least he’s finally fucking got you.”
With that, AK joined his brothers. I saw Flame stepping forward to come to me, but I held out my
hand and shook my head. “I am okay,” I mouthed. Flame stopped dead.
“Maddie?” I followed the sound of the voice, and approaching were Mae and Lilah. Mae gestured
to a patch of grass away from everyone else and I sat down, Mae and Lilah joining me.
Mae glanced over her shoulder to Flame, then faced me again, smiling. “You are not returning to my
home, are you?”
Blushing, I shook my head.
Lilah’s hand found mine. “I am really happy for you, Maddie. You deserve to be this happy.”
Tears pricked my eyes and I said, “I am.” And I looked up, my bottom lip quivering. “I am so very
happy. And so is Flame.” Mae and Lilah shared my tears. Laughing with joy, I leaned over and gently
placed my hand on Mae’s stomach. “Especially now that I am to become an aunt.”
“Aunt Maddie,” Mae whispered and she lifted my hand to her mouth, which she proceeded to kiss.
Then Mae asked, “Was he gentle with you, Maddie? I know it is not my business, but I do know you.
I know you will not talk about it. But I just… I just have to know that he was kind.”
My heart stuttered at her question, but lifting my eyes I nodded, and whispered, “Yes. He was
perfect.”
Mae’s tears hit the leather of her pants and she replied, “That is good, sister. That is so very good.”
 I looked to Mae, then Lilah, and my heart felt so happy that I now knew love. I lifted my head to the
sky and closed my eyes, sending a wish to God that my Bella was happy too. Finally, happy that the
sisters she had fought so hard to save, had all found true love.
Love, of the perfect kind.
 Chapter Twenty-Five

Flame
Three days later…

Waking, I found it was still dark outside. I reached for Maddie. Panicked at finding that she wasn’t by
my side, I jumped out of our bed. My cold feet hit the floor and I immediately ran into the living room.
Then my heart dropped. Maddie was sitting over the hatch in the floor, that fucking hatch, holding
that fucking blade.
“No!” I boomed out and rushed over. Maddie looked up at the sound of my voice. Instantly, she
scurried off the door, her back hitting the wall. Then, for the first time in three days, I felt the flames
awaken under my skin. The flames that hadn’t stirred once began to move.
And I began to pace, the need to get my blade taking hold. Then—
“Flame?” Maddie’s soft voice stopped me in my tracks. I fought to breathe, to calm down. I looked
down to where she sat. Instead she was on her feet. And she was holding that fucking blade in her
hand.
And for some reason, the thought of her holding that fucking blade in her hand inflamed my blood.
Because it was his. And all it did was hurt. It was my fucking curse.
“Give me the knife,” I snapped, but Maddie stepped back, taking the knife with her. “Maddie—”
“Have you ever been back?” Maddie questioned, shutting me down.
I frowned. Maddie drew in a deep breath and stepped closer. “Have you ever been back to the
house where you grew up?”
The air left my lungs at the mention of that fucking house. My hands fisted at my sides and I shook
my head.
Maddie stepped even closer. “Do you know where your father went to? Do you know what
happened to him?”
I flinched as the thought of my poppa pierced my mind. I shook my head. “No. I have no fucking idea
what happened to that cunt,” I snarled. Then Maddie lifted the blade and held it out for me to take.
Maddie walked back into the bedroom and I watched her go. I looked down at the rusted old blade
in my hand. All the feelings, about being trapped in that fucking hellhole, rushed back. I looked across
at the hatch. The hatch installed when the cabin was built. The door that reminded me I was evil. A
place to leach away the flames.
A place where he could continue to take me…
I suddenly felt sick.
Dropping the knife to the floor, I staggered back into the bedroom, to find Maddie on the bed. She
was sitting down, naked, with her arms wrapped around bent legs. She was crying.
“Maddie,” I whispered as I inched forward.
She lifted her head and spoke. “In my life I had two things that I used to pray for. Two things that I
imagined, if I could just obtain, I would be set free.” Maddie wiped at her cheeks. “I wanted Moses
to die. I wanted to stand above him and know he was dead. And I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to feel
safe in my heart. I wanted to know that I would never again be hurt.” She sniffed. Looking me dead in
the eye, she emphasized, “And you gave me both. In fact, you gave me more than I wished for.
Because you also gave me you. I fell in love with you. And I can touch you. I can make love to you,
and I know completely, that I will not be hurt.”
My stomach turned and my chest tightened. Then she said, “You are living in a world where you do
not know if your torturer is alive or dead. You lived in a house which echoes the methods under
which you suffered.” She lifted her head and asked, “Of course your fractured soul cannot be fully…
fully… unfractured. Because you are living with uncertainty, you are not truly free.”
Hating to see her crying, I hesitantly moved closer, and whispered, “Maddie.”
I could hear my deep voice break in my ears. Maddie lowered her bent legs and opened her arms.
“Come to me,” she hushed out. I rushed to the bed and lay beside her, crushing her to my chest.
I held her as she cried in my arms. But all I could think about was what she’d said. I never knew
what happened to my poppa. I never knew what happened to him after I left. What happened to our
house? What happened to Isaiah’s body?
I then thought of the hatch in my living room. The one I’d never had the courage to open or step
inside. But the one I kept to remind me of what I was—wrong. Evil. That I was darkness. That I was
motherfucking death.
Even after I left that house, then the hospital, he would still take me, he would fuck the sin from my
flesh, in my head… until Maddie. Because she made it all better. No getting fucked over the hatch by
my poppa. No church. No snakes. No screaming… no pain…
Holding Maddie tighter, she eventually fell to sleep. But I couldn’t. All I saw in my mind was
darkness: Isaiah dying in my arms, my mama gripping my fingers through the floorboards, then
bleeding out on that bed, blade at her side, my poppa’s whiskey-breath rippling down my neck.
And my muscles tensed, my blood ran hot and I thought one thought …
… that motherfucker deserved to die...
Die by my hand, with my motherfucking blades...
 *****

“Two more buyers down. That means the Klan are flexing their fucking muscles. We’re hanging
back to see what their next move is, but if it continues, then a war will be coming, whether Rider’s
backed the fuck off the women or not.”
I watched Styx sign, and heard Ky translate, “Tanner, you got anymore intel?”
Tanner shook his head. “They’re laying low on tech. But their new guy didn’t manage to hide all
their accounts. And there’s a shit ton of money coming from a private offshore account. Israeli.”
Tanner shrugged. “Gotta be that cult. And they’re pumping some serious arms to U.S. soil.”
My body tensed at the mention of that fucked up cult. Styx glanced to Ky. I could see the brothers’
rage in their faces too.
Then they both looked to me.
Because now, I too had a cult bitch. I had Maddie. I had just as much revenge in my blood for that
fucked up pedo ring as the Prez and VP.
“We’ll keep watching our turf. But the game’s now changed. Landry and Governor Ayers have
reach. They have half the feds on their books, we've half on ours. Could be a fucking interesting
ride ahead.”
The brothers all nodded their heads. Then Styx signed. “Any other business?”
Feeling my skin twitch, I flicked my chin. “Gotta take a week, maybe more, Prez. Got business outta
state I gotta take care of.”
I kept my eyes glued to Styx, but I could feel all the other brothers watching me. I’d never left the
compound unless it was on Hangmen business the whole time I’d been here. This was a fucking first.
Styx frowned, then signed, “Where?”
My teeth gritted, but I forced out, “West Virginia.”
Ky sat back in his chair. “And what the fuck do y’all wanna do out in the Appalachians? Can’t think
of one fucking thing that would attract me to that fucking place.”
I turned to the VP, and said, “My old man.”
Ky’s fucking pretty boy blue eyes widened, but nothing came out of his mouth. In fact, as I looked
around the table, I found that all of the brothers were staring at me, mouths gaping.
Tank shifted on his seat. “You've got an old man, Flame?”
I blinked away the image of the cunt from my head, but answered, “Used to.” Tank slowly nodded
his head.
Styx sat forward and signed. “Maddie going with?”
My hands clenched on the table and I spat out, “Yeah.”
Styx looked to Ky, then signed, “She gonna be protected? You gonna be spilling blood?”
 “Maybe. Probably. Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” I replied. “But Maddie’s with me, by my fucking side, on
my fucking bike, sleeping by my fucking side. She’s my bitch, I own her, and I decide what the fuck
happens with her now, not you. That tell you enough?”
Styx’s hard face didn’t change, then he threw up his hands and signed, “Granted. You got all the
time you fuckin’ need. Just don’t harm Madds. I ain’t wanting my pregnant bitch upset because
her sister’s been hurt in the middle of your fuckin’ psycho rage. Yeah?”
I flicked my chin. Just as Styx went to lift the gavel, AK and Viking leaned forward. AK threw up
his hand and said, “Gonna be needing that time off too, Prez.”
Styx replied, “Never fuckin’ thought otherwise.”
As Styx slammed the gavel down on the table, all the brothers filed out. But my attention was on AK
and Vike, who were waiting in their seats.
Vike tapped the table with his knuckles and said, “Didn’t think you’d be going without us, did you?
We’re the Psycho fucking Trio. You ain’t going nowhere alone.”
“It’s a long fucking ride,” I replied.
“To your fucking past, it seems,” AK quickly added. I watched his brown eyes narrow. “Your old
man, Flame? West fucking Virginia? How the fuck you end up in Texas, from West bumfuck
nowhere?”
I stared at the table and said, “Specialists for my head were in Austin, I think. I don’t know. It’s not
real clear. Too many fucking drugs were in my veins. But they sent me here sometime between eight
and seventeen, clearly.”
AK nodded, then asked another question. “So we gonna be slicing up your old man? This that kinda
run?”
My teeth gritted and I breathed through my nose. “Yeah,” was all I could manage. “Of the worst
fucking kind.”
Viking caught my eye and ran his hand down his beard. “He the reason for the…” He pointed at the
blade clutched in my hand, then to the scars on my arm. I nodded my head and he sat back. “Then
when the fuck do we go? I suddenly have a huge fucking hard on for West Virginia.”
“Today,” I announced.
“And your little bitch...?” Vike asked.
“Is fucking coming with,” I growled.
AK shook his head. “That’s a hard road and a long fucking ride. And from what I’m gathering,
meeting Daddy Dearest ain’t gonna be a fucking picnic. You okay with her timid ass seeing you like
that? Seeing you in full fucking Flame mode?”
I thought of Maddie and my chest swelled with pride. “She understands me. She understands what I
gotta do. She’s stronger than she looks. She can take it.” My finger traced over a knot in the tabletop.
“She knows who I am… both sides of me. She’s plenty strong enough.”
AK shook his head and huffed out a laugh. “That she fucking is, brother. A fucking pint-sized
warrior.”
 “Yeah, with perfect tits and ass. Fucking lottery win with that one, brother,” Viking added, his
eyebrows dancing. “Who’d have thought the fucked up scarred one among us would get the hottest
bitch? Life’s so fucking unfair.”
I dropped my head thinking of Maddie’s soft green eyes, and admitted, “I have to have her with me,
all the time. All the fucking time.” I pounded my fist over my chest. “Can’t fucking breathe without her
nearby. Need her to sleep with me. Need her to keep the flames away.” I ran my nails over the scars
on my arm. “She ain’t ever leaving me again. For life, brothers. She’s mine for fucking life.”
“Fuck,” Viking whispered, “Psycho down.”
My head snapped up, but the cunt was actually smiling. AK got to his feet, dragging Viking with him.
“So, Flame, we off to the land of mountains and broken dreams?”
Jumping to my feet, I hightailed it out of the clubhouse. My head twitching and hands fisting all the
way to my cabin.
 Chapter Twenty-Six

Maddie

“I feel strange,” I whispered as I looked at myself in the mirror.

“You look fucking hot, darlin’! Flame is gonna flip his shit when he sees you all leathered up.”
I stared at the girl in the mirror. The girl wearing tight leather pants, a black sweater and a snug
leather jacket, complemented with black boots. My hair was tied back in a French braid. I could not
stop staring.
“Long fucking ride to West V, Madds. You need all the damn protection you can get.” I turned to see
Letti loafing on Mae’s sofa.
Beauty handed me a saddlebag filled with more leathers and clean clothes. “Should be more than
enough for you there, sweetie. I got you hooked up real good.”
“Thank you,” I replied, and moved back to the opposite sofa where Lilah and Mae were sitting.
Lilah was smiling up at me, but I could detect concern in Mae's frown.
“I will be fine, Mae,” I hushed. Mae got to her feet. She was pale with morning sickness, but she
forced a smile.
“I know you will. I just feel… you know. I guess I have always felt protective of you, Maddie. And
seeing you go off with Flame to the other side of the country, fills me with too many nerves to
control.”
My stomach tightened on seeing her worry, but with more emphasis I said, “I have to go, Mae. He
needs this. He needs this to move on. Just as we all have. And I will do anything to make that happen.
You would do it for Styx.” In turn, I looked to Lilah, Beauty and Letti. “And you would do it for Ky,
and Tank, and Bull. Yes?”
All of them chorused, “Yes.”
Mae put her hands on my arms and I looked into her blue eyes. “Mae. You and Bella always treated
me more like a daughter than a sister. Which is strange, because you are not much older than I.”
Mae teared up, but managed to say, “It was because you were so young when you were awakened.
Moses was… he was…”
I gripped Mae’s hands in mine and said, “I know, sister. I know my lack of affection, and my
constant silence, gave you cause to worry.” I looked down and tried to remember the girl I was, in the
commune. My heart clenched and I confessed, “And I know I was broken. I now know that.” A flutter
of butterflies filled my chest, but I managed to assert, “I am broken no more. I am strong… strong
with Flame by my side.”
Mae stared at me, then whispered, “I can see that, sister.”
Lilah joined us, and her blue eyes glimmered, “You were always strong, Maddie. We always saw
it. But now you do too.”
Lilah pressed a kiss to my cheek. Just then we heard sniffing behind us. We turned as one to witness
Beauty wiping her eyes. When she saw us staring, she cast a look of incredulity. “What?” she asked,
evidently exasperated. “Because of you fuckers I’m gonna have to take in stocks of waterproof
mascara. I never fucking cried so much in my friggin’ life!”
Behind Beauty, Letti muttered, “Pussy”, earning a scowl from her best friend.
A knock sounded on the door and Lilah went to open it. I had just retrieved the saddlebag from the
floor, when Flame entered the room. As always, on seeing his wide shoulders and naked torso, I
forgot how to breathe. Flame’s expression was always heated when he saw me. But this time, his
gaze dropped slowly and deliberately to roam over my body. His nostrils flared, hands fisting by his
side.
For several long seconds he did not move. Shivers quickly built between my thighs, and I uttered
one precious whispered word, “Flame.”
The sound of his name escaping my lips was the encouragement he needed to pound across the small
space separating us, to stand right before me. I tilted my head back to drink in his impressive height.
His chest was working hard. Flame’s hands slowly came down to rest gently upon my face. He
slowly lowered his head to carefully press his soft lips to mine. My eyes drifted to a close on contact.
I filled with light when the rumble of a groan reverberated within his broad chest.
When Flame broke the kiss, his forehead gently kissed mine, and he rasped, “You look… Shit,
Maddie, you look beautiful.”
And the light within me blazed brighter.
Feeling a blush caress my cheeks, I placed my hand on his chest and whispered, “Thank you.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Flame dropped his arms and clasped my hand in his. “You ready?” he asked,
and I nodded. Flame took the saddlebag from my hand and we turned to leave.
Beauty was wiping away more tears, and with humor she muttered, “Yeah, really need that fucking
waterproof mascara.”
“I shall see you when I return,” I promised to Mae and Lilah. After they had both pressed a kiss to
my cheek, we left Mae’s house and walked toward our cabin.
I could feel Flame continually looking at me. Every time he did so, his hand squeezed mine. Fighting
a smile that he found me so desirable in these clothes, I asked, “Was Styx okay about us leaving?”
“Yeah,” Flame grunted. “AK and Viking are coming too. They wouldn’t stay behind.”
I allowed that smile to escape; my face lit up on hearing this news. Leaning my head to rest on his
arm, I confirmed, “Of course not. They love you too.” Flame’s arm tensed, then gradually relaxed.
As we broke through the line of trees, AK and Viking were waiting by their bikes, both smoking.
When we reached them, Viking sat up and withdrew the cigarette from his mouth. “Fuck me, Little
One…” he trailed off as he pointed his finger at me from head to foot with his cigarette. “You, and
fucking leather, are a match made in cowhide heaven.”
Flame’s muscles went rigid at the comment, but before he could move forward, AK grabbed
Viking’s arm and reminded him, “Just because the brother ain’t cutting shit outta himself no more,
don’t mean he can’t fucking cut you. Now ante up, dumb ass. We’re outta here.”
Flame attached my bag to his bike, then climbed on. I climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms
around his waist. Flame started his engine. Just before we set off, he turned his head and pressed his
lips to mine in the briefest of kisses.
As he pulled out onto the dirt road, I placed my chin on his shoulder and whispered, “I love you
too.”

*****

We rode for two days. We camped out last night, and would do so again tonight. My body ached
with the unfamiliarity of riding on a bike. Every time I wanted to stop, every time I wanted to return
home, I reminded myself that this was all for Flame. It was his best hope for the peace he had
afforded me. He too deserved peace. And every time I repeated this mantra to myself, I could rise
above the aches, the numbness, and the pain.
The fear of what lay ahead.
Night had fallen, the stars were bright and glittering against the backdrop of an ink black sky. Flame
veered left onto a secluded and dark country road. I held him tighter as the bike jiggled over the
graveled path. Then my tiring eyes widened as they landed on a wide lake. The full moon hung in the
sky and cast bright beams of light, which shimmered on the still water.
Flame drove us a little bit further into the coverage of the trees, then slowly drew the bike to a halt.
My thighs throbbed with the long hours of sitting in the same position. Flame moved off the bike first,
then turning round, he lifted me off the saddle. His strong arms held me in the air, and as he placed me
down on the crisp ground, he pulled me to his lips. When he broke away from my mouth, my cheeks
filled with heat.
Flame’s leather-gloved hands lifted and his finger brushed over the apple of my cheek. “You liked
that I did that,” he rasped. It was a statement he now knew to be true.
Turning my head to greet his hand, I replied, “I like it more every time you do it.”
Flame leaned down and kissed me again. My hands lifted to wrap around his neck. This time when
he pulled back, he said, “Then I’ll do it more.”
“Yo, Flame! I got a fire going, and I’m grilling. Let’s eat, then get some shuteye. We got to hit the
address Tanner got us for your old man by early morning. We all know it’s gonna be some fucking
day,” Viking called from near the water.
We ate in near silence by the fire. Afterwards, Flame laid out a pallet for us to sleep upon. He
pulled me into his arms as soon as our exhausted bodies hit the makeshift bed. In a matter of minutes I
could hear the heavy breathing of AK and Viking, sleeping at the other side of the fire. But Flame’s
tense body, and his quick inhales and exhales, betrayed that he was awake.
Feeling his heart race, I raised my head and lay over his chest to meet his eyes. Flame had been
staring at the cloudless sky, but when he felt me move, he looked to me. He was troubled.
Lifting my finger to run across the worry lines on his forehead, I asked, “What is wrong?”
 Flame’s lips parted and a slow controlled breath poured out. His arms threaded around my back and
held me impossibly close. At first I did not think he was going to speak then, unexpectedly, he
confessed, “I’ve killed before.”
I froze, and pulling my eyebrows down, I stated, “I know. You killed Brother Moses.”
“But I’ve killed a shit ton more. A shit ton, Maddie.” His eyes flicked away, then looked back. “And
I’ve liked it. I… fuck… I like it. I like killing. There’s just something in me, Maddie, that wants to
kill. That has to. I can’t imagine it ever going away. I think… I think all that was done to me as a kid
made me need to kill.”
Dropping my hand, I pulled myself further up his body, and said, “But only bad people. Yes? You
only need to kill the ones that do bad things?”
Flame shrugged. “It’s always our—the club’s—enemies. Men we use to get information. People that
fuck the club over.” His chin nudged in my direction. “People who fuck with you.”
My stomach turned at the slightest thought of taking a person’s life. Flame’s hand touched my face,
his gaze searching mine. “What are you thinking, Maddie? Your face has changed but I don’t know
what your expression fucking means.”
Sighing, I responded with the truth. “I cannot imagine taking someone else’s life. I know it is the
way of the Hangmen; Mae and Lilah have explained this to me many times. But… I do not know. I do
not know that if it came to it, I would have been able to take Brother Moses’ life. I do not believe that
it is within me to kill another human being, no matter how deserved. I suppose… I suppose it makes
me wonder what is within you to actually go through with it. What goes through your mind to want to
do it?”
Flame was silent for many long seconds. The arm remaining on my waist increased its grip, then he
whispered, “Him. Every time I kill, I’m fucking killing him. I see him in place of them. I fuck them up.
I hack them to fucking pieces with my knife, but I’m only seeing him. Every time I kill, I kill him in my
head... for my mama... for Isaiah… for me… for what he turned me into. For what he fucking did to
me in that cellar.”
And just like that, my heart clenched on receiving his confession. At the pain he must harbor in his
heart, caused by the man he thought he could trust. Stroking my hand through his hair, I said, “You are
a good man, Flame. You were dealt a bad hand.”
He shook his head. “I’m fucking not, Maddie. I’m a killer. Deep down I like to kill, because of him.
I’m as fucked up as he is. I like to cause people pain.”
“No,” I argued, but Flame froze beneath me. “Flame!” I whispered louder.
When his eyes slowly turned back to me, he asked, brokenly, “What if he is there tomorrow?”
And my heart broke again. Flame reached up and held onto my wrist, and he elaborated, “What if
we get to that fucking house tomorrow and he’s there? What if he’s still in that fucking house? Still
fucking living and breathing like nothing ever happened? Still fucking going to that bastard church?
Not even caring about the shit that he’s done? Not caring what he made me into?”
Flame’s eyes had grown impossibly wide. He swallowed hard. And then I knew. I knew that he was
awake and fretting, because he was terrified. Although he did not show the emotion on his face or in
his voice, I knew that real fear was coursing through his veins. And I realized that it was probably the
first time in many years that he had felt this particular emotion. He was Flame from the Hangmen. He
was the brother most feared by their enemies. The one that cut people up with his skillful blades.
But right now he was scared.
I tried to imagine how I would feel if Brother Moses were to suddenly walk out of the trees, at this
very moment. I could feel shivers accosting my body, just at this brief thought. But for Flame, in the
morning, his tormentor may very well stare him in the face. And he was frightened. Flame, my strong
huge protector, was terrified at the very thought.
“Shh…” I soothed, as Flame’s breathing became erratic. Then I offered, “I am here for you. Also,
AK and Viking are here with you, because they want to help you. You will face him, and you will
conquer the hold he still has over you.”
Flame glanced away. “In my head I’ve killed him a million times. The men I’ve killed for the club,
the blood I’ve spilled on these fucking hands has all been his. But I don’t fucking know if I can
actually kill the cunt, in the flesh. That fucking house, his face… that fucking cellar hatch.”
“Then do not,” I replied. “Ending his life does not have to be the goal of this trip. We are going so
you can claim back control of your life. To confront the evil that caused such hurt you. To then leave
it all in the past.” My hands held his face tightly, turning him to see me. Swallowing, I added, “So you
can have a future with me. So we can begin new lives. Happy ones… lives filled with love and each
other.”
“Happy ones?” Flame queried, his voice threaded with emotion. I nodded, fearing that if I spoke I
would break down in tears. Then crushing me to his chest, he admitted, “I don’t ever remember being
happy.”
Fighting back tears, I whispered, “Then this is what we will hope for. Happiness... Because
Flame?”
“What?” he pushed, voice barely registering a whisper.
“You are my happiness.”
Flame held me even tighter, then just as I began to drift off, draped over his chest, he said, “I gotta
kill him, Maddie. I gotta kill him for what he did to us all. That cunt has to fucking die.”
I did not respond, I just shut my eyes and tried to understand that he had to kill to be free.
Understand that this was who he was.
And that would never change.
 Chapter Twenty-Seven

Flame

It looked exactly the same.

Exactly. The. Fucking. Same.
The old gray wooden house still looked like the piece of shit it was. The grass and weeds
surrounding the house were still too high. Old burned out cars littered the dirt driveway, and there
were no fucking neighbors for miles and miles.
Yeah. Exactly the fucking same.
I glided the bike to a stop. And I just stared. My hands were tight on the handlebars and I couldn’t
fucking move. I was fucking frozen to the spot. My eyes closed, and I remembered being pulled out of
the house¸ after he’d abandoned us. Then my eyes snapped open when I pictured the face, in my head,
of the person that found us—Pastor Hughes. It was fucking Pastor Hughes who found us. And he’d
taken Isaiah. He’d taken my baby brother away, and dumped me at some kid’s home.
Hands around my waist snapped me back to the house sitting before me and I lurched forward.
“Flame. Shh, it is me.” I exhaled and relaxed my body on hearing Maddie’s voice behind me. Then
her hands moved again and I sucked in a deep breath.
I looked to my left. AK was sitting back on his bike, arms folded across his chest. “It’s on you,
brother. We go in when you do.”
I nodded, then looked to my right. Viking was watching me closely. “What ‘K said, man. This is
your fucking show. We follow your lead. Whatever goes down, we got your back.”
My head dropped. Maddie shifted behind me, then jumped off the bike. She moved to me and held
out her hand. “You are not alone.”
Feeling my chest fucking crack, I got off my bike. I found Maddie’s hand. Pulling her to my chest, I
pressed a kiss to her forehead, then letting her go, I let the fucking flames now permanently burning
low fucking rise. Fucking take this shit down.
Facing Maddie, I ordered. “You stay out here.”
Maddie nodded her head. Then I turned to AK. “You fucking stay at the door. You watch her, yeah?
Don’t let her get hurt.”
AK slid off his bike and walked next to Maddie. “You got it, brother.” AK pulled his 9mm from
his cut and held it his hands. “The fucker won’t be going nowhere if he’s in there.” I knew that. AK
was an ex-sniper. The brother was fucking unparalleled with a gun.
Instantly, Viking was by my side. I met my brother’s eyes. “You stay up front with me.” Viking
winked, holding his favorite Berettas in his hands, and dropped back behind me.
Then I faced that fucking wooden door. The same wooden door I was hauled out of by the scruff of
my neck as a fucking kid, and dragged screaming to that fucked up church, day in, day out.
Without thinking, I found my feet moving forward, the blade that belonged in this fucking hellhole
gripped tightly in my hand.
And I couldn’t hold it back. The flames that had been quiet for days flared brighter, surging through
my fucking veins. My head twitched, my hands clenched. I let loose every bit of fucking rage I had for
this shithole and for the cunt who might be inside.
And I fucking embraced it. I let that shit burn.
Reaching the old door, I raised my foot and smashed the hell mouth wide open. Storming inside, I
sensed Viking right behind me, guarding my back. I stopped dead.
Nothing had changed. The place was dirtier, more rundown. It was a fucking shithole. But
everything looked the same—same stained floor, faded curtains, even the old furniture. My heart
lunged into a sprint as I scanned the room. My body shook with rage, so much fucking rage at being
back in this place that I could barely fucking think.
Then I heard it: movement from the bedroom.
I smelled the stench of alcohol.
Then he staggered out.
All the air rushed out of my lungs as he entered the living room, a fucking long sharp blade in his
hands. His dark eyes landed on me and his teeth gritted together.
“Get the fuck out!” he snarled, clothes dripping with sweat, skin yellow and pale. “Get the fuck out
before I call the cops. I got nothing for you here!”
“Fuck,” I heard from beside me, but I was rooted to the fucking spot. “That’s the cunt?”
I watched as my poppa’s eyes darted to each of us. He held up the blade in his old shaking hands. “I
said, get the fuck out!”
But we didn’t move, and somehow, his eyes kept returning to me. Then one time, they stayed. They
examined my body, flicked to the blade in my hand, then snapped back to lock on my face.
His mouth hooked at the corner, as if in realization. “Well I’ll be fucking damned. Wondered if I’d
ever see your expressionless face again one day, Josiah. And here you are. Looking as evil as I
always knew you were.”
I stared at my old man, heard that fucking name dripping with venom from his stupid fucking mouth.
And I could feel myself shaking. I could feel every fiber of my body fucking shaking. I couldn’t speak,
I couldn’t move.
I was trapped.
“I got nothing for you here, Josiah. So you and your sinner friends can just turn the fuck around. I
ain’t got no money, so you can get the fuck out. Don’t want you bringing your demons into this house
again.”
Something inside of me snapped, and I bit out, “You got fucking answers, old man. That’s what you
fucking got!”
Unable to hold back any longer, I charged forward. Holding my blades out in front, I ran at my
poppa. His eyes flared as I plowed forward. He pushed out his blade, but his drunken fucking ass had
his hand shaking too much to grip it tight. I easily knocked the blade out of his old fucking hands, the
steel clattering to the wooden floor and I shouldered him back against the wall.
Using my forearm, I pushed it against his neck, and looking him dead in the fucking eyes, asked,
“What the fuck happened to Isaiah? Why the fuck did you always count to eleven?” I leaned in closer
and hissed, “And why the fuck did you rape me? Why the fuck did you fucking rape me and fuck up
my head?”
My poppa coughed and his face turned bright red, unable to breathe. But the fucker wouldn’t get
such an easy death. I was gonna fucking make him pay. Pay for it all.
Jumping back, I dropped my arm and watched him hit the floor. My head twitched and my neck
ached with how tight it was straining. But I turned the blades in my hand, and called, “Viking! Hold
the cunt down on the table.”
Viking moved into action, picking the bastard up by his hair and dragging him to the table in the
center of the room. The table my mama would cook at. I paced the floor, fighting the memory of my
mama standing in this room, defending me from this sick fuck. My hands fisted on the handles of my
blades and I hit the side of my head as too many fucking memories flooded my mind.
“Done, brother.” Viking announced from across the room. When I turned, Viking was holding down
my poppa’s arms, his legs kicking to get free.
Viking smiled. “The fucker ain’t going nowhere, brother.”
“AK!” I called. AK stepped into the room, his 9mm held high. He flicked his chin. “Hold down the
fucker’s legs,” I instructed.
AK dropped his gun into his cut and did as I said. I paced beside the table, and when I looked down,
my poppa’s face was watching mine. Holding the handle of my knife, I charged forward on a scream
and smashed the blunt end across his face. Blood poured from my poppa’s mouth. Dropping my blade
into my belt, I lifted his head by the collar of his stained stinking shirt, and asked, “What the fuck was
done with Isaiah? What the fuck did you do with my brother’s body?”
My poppa coughed and spluttered but gave no answer. I brought his face to mine, and growled,
“Where the fuck did you take him? What the fuck was done with his body?”
“I’d answer him if I were you. Answer him or he’ll fucking slice off your tongue. Your son’s a
fucking stone cold killer, Daddio. I ain’t thinking you wanna fuck with him anymore,” Viking warned
and my poppa’s eyes flared. And I knew… he was scared. I couldn’t read faces, but I knew his face.
Knew his every expression. And I knew I’d never seen him like this before. Never seen him scared
before.
I fucking loved that it was me who made him feel fear.
“Pastor Hughes,” he coughed out. “Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul came for you both. They came
looking for me, and found you two. They knew about the cellar, so they knew where to look. They
cremated your brother and tossed his ashes in the river. He was better off gone, than living with you
and your tainted soul.”
The flames under my skin burned like fuck, they fucking scorched me from inside. Tipping my head
back, I roared and screamed out loud. Isaiah. They fucking burned him. The fucking Pastor and Elder
that tied me down, and filled my poppa’s head with all the snake shit, hid my brother’s fucking death.
Holding my knife, I slashed it across Poppa’s chest, the tip cutting the surface of his skin. My poppa
cried out, then before he had time to scream again, I demanded, “Why eleven? Why eleven times?
Why was everything always eleven?”
His teeth gritted together at the pain, and taking my blade, I placed the tip at the top of the slash I’d
just given him and began dragging it down. “I said, why fucking eleven?”
Poppa gasped and cried, “There are ten commandments, eleven is a mockery of all that is pure. It’s
for disorder and sinners. You have evil in your veins, darkness in your soul. Eleven was fit for the
sinner you are!”
I stopped and, unable to catch my breath through rage, hit my head. “I wasn’t a fucking sinner. I was
fucking different. I am fucking different. My head doesn’t work right, like others. But it wasn’t a
fucking sin, I wasn’t fucking evil, I was different. But your fucking church told you I was evil. You
thought everyone was evil: me, Mama, Isaiah. When it was you. You were the one that was fucked
up!”
I blew out a loud breath. That breath turned into a fucking scream, and I slashed my blade across his
stomach. The blade didn’t cut deep, but the fucker sure felt it. He felt the fucking sting of my blade.
“You are a sinner, Josiah. Look what you’ve become. What you would’ve always become,” he
choked out. “An evil fucking retard with flames in his blood. The retard with evil in his veins.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped. I pointed my blade at his face. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up!”
His dark eyes watched me. Then pointing my knife at his face, I growled, “You put me in that fucking
cellar.” I pointed to the cellar’s hatch I knew was there. “You cut me with a blade, night after night,
for fuck knows how long. You starved me. You left me in the fucking freezing cold.” Then my body
tensed as I forced myself to say, “You raped me. You fucking raped me. You sick fucking cunt." I
paused to gulp in more air, then continued in a deliberate voice. "Mama, Isaiah… you fucking ruined
them. They died because of what you did to us all. You and that fucking church.”
This time he said shit back to me. He just stared. Stared at me with those fucking dead eyes. It
incensed me. My body heated and the fucking blades in my hands felt heavy. I looked up to Viking,
who had gone as still as a fucking stone, and commanded, "Keep his arms held down.”
Viking forced my poppa’s arms down. Standing above him, I turned the blade in my hands, then
sliced down his arm. “One,” I growled, seeing blood pour from his wound as he sucked in a sharp
breath. I sliced again, “Two,” and hissed when his teeth gritted together at the pain. I sliced again and
again and again, my cock hardening at the sight of every spray of blood that hit my face. “Three. Four.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten…” I slowly counted. The cunt’s arms were ripped to shreds, blood
flowing to the floor. Then, with my pulse slamming in my neck, I slashed the blade over his thigh, and
roared, “Eleven!”
My old man sagged on the table, eyes dazed.
Then, fighting sickness, I moved in closer and asked, “Why the fuck did you rape me?”
My poppa froze on the table. I pressed my blade to his cheek, and repeated, “Why the fuck did you
rape me?”
 My blade pressed further into crepe-thin skin the longer he was silent. Then he suddenly said, “To
rid your flesh completely of sin. To punish you for taking your mama away from me.”
I stayed still, my blade pushed into his cheek, then I moved back. He was a sick fuck whose time
was up.
I looked to the back of the room. I pointed to the hatch and ordered, “Vike, drag him over there.”
I stormed forward, then came to a complete fucking stop. I stared at that fucking hatch and, as I did, I
couldn’t move a damn inch. The wood was scratched and worn through years of use. The lock was
rusted, but still tight.
“Fuck, man,” Viking said beside me. “What kinda fucked up shit did you go through down there? I’m
already wanting to snap this pedo’s neck. This cellar shit’s gonna tip me over the edge. ”
Not answering, I closed my eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Bending down, I forced myself to
unbolt the lock and ripped the fucking door open on a snarl, its old rotting wood easily coming off at
the hinges.
The cellar’s familiar stagnant smell of blood and cum immediately hit my nose. I had to fight back
from puking at the stench. Just as I was about to order Viking to throw my poppa in there, head first, a
movement from below caught my eye.
My heart stilled in my chest, then set off like a fucking bat out of hell when I saw a pair of sunken
dark eyes looking back up at me. I blinked, I was sure I was fucking seeing things, but then a pale face
slowly emerged into the light. I launched back against the wall, chest panting in shock.
AK rushed to my side. “What the fuck’s wrong?” he asked. Viking dropped my old man’s cut,
alcoholic body to the floor behind him, and joined us.
I shook my head, then said, “Someone’s in there... Someone’s fucking in there!”
Viking and AK moved to the hatch and looked down. My stomach dropped as Viking shouted,
“Fuck! Fuck, man, there’s a fucking kid down here!”
I watched, fucking frozen against the wall as Viking and AK bent down. AK turned round. “Fuck,
Flame. Get here now.”
I moved my legs, fighting back the dark memories of being fucked in that hole, when I glanced
behind us… and my poppa wasn’t fucking there.
Pushing myself to my feet, I barked, “Where the fuck’s he gone?”
Then a scream came from outside. “Flame!”
Maddie…
NO!
“Fuck!” Viking spat. But I was already running to the door, my blood pumping like fucking rapids of
fire. I flew out the door, only to see my poppa, with that fucking knife back in his hand, holding
Maddie to his chest. And the fucking blade was at her throat.
A red mist came over my eyes, and I screamed, the noise ripping from my chest.
Maddie’s green eyes were wide and filled with water. And she was staring at me, she was fucking
staring at me to help her.
 “Let me the fuck go or I’ll slit the whore’s throat,” my poppa warned. My blood quickly cooled to
ice.
I stood still and calmly said, “Let her go.”
Viking stepped beside me, and my poppa’s eyes darted between us. “Let me the fuck go, and you can
have your whore back.”
“Flame,” Maddie whispered, her face paling to white.
I watched that blade pressed against her throat, the edge already touching the skin and I tossed my
blades to the ground. “Fucking let her go,” I demanded, my voice like fucking thunder.
Then the cunt started walking to the side, heading down the dirt driveway. As my poppa moved to
turn, he moved Maddie, briefly pushing her body to the side, opening himself right up. I was just
about to launch forward to tackle the fucker to the ground, when AK stepped beside me, his 9mm held
up in line with his eye. “Get ready to cut that sick fuck up real good,” he whispered.
A second later, AK sent a fucking bullet straight into the back of the cunt’s leg, and my old man
dropped to the floor, blade slipping loose, femur shattered. Maddie fell to the side, her neck still
under his arm. But she scurried free, crawling to safety.
And that was all the fucking green light I needed.
Reaching down, I picked up my blades and sprinted forward. My poppa rolled over, trying to get
up, just as I arrived at his side. Then looking him right in the eyes, the flames roaring from within, I
dropped to straddle his waist and sent my blades sinking into his flesh, strike after strike. And I
fucking watched him. I fucking watched him like a hawk as he tried to cry out. I sank the sharp steel
into his chest, his stomach, twisting and hacking at his flesh. I saw my mama’s face in my head as I cut
up his chest. I saw him hitting her, her skin bleeding and bruised. I saw him screaming at Isaiah. Saw
him putting him down beside me, in the dirt hole, and fucking leaving us there to die, as I ripped and
snapped the tendons in his arms.
I moved lower, my poppa’s body now hemorrhaging blood like a geyser. But I couldn’t fucking stop
stabbing, I couldn’t fucking stop screaming out all the years of fucking pain. I reached below his
waist, and taking both knives, sent them piercing through his cock. My poppa choked on his blood.
But I shut my eyes, still trying to push away the feel of his breath on my neck as a kid, of his fucking
sweating chest pressed to my back, as he fucked me against the wall.
And I still couldn’t stop. I hacked down his legs, ripping through bone and muscle. I moved to his
stomach and sliced apart the skin, then I got to his face. To those fucking dark eyes that were staring
up at me glazed over, and raising both my hands, I slammed both blades down into each of his eyes.
And yet I still couldn’t stop. I kept going, ripping through his jaw, his cheeks and his fucking skull.
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stop, until…
“Flame! Stop… please!” a voice cried.
But lifting the blades, my hands shaking, I drove them through his skull, feeling the bone splinter
under my hands.
“Flame! Stop! STOP!!!”
The voice calling my name suddenly broke through into mind, and I dropped my blades, my body
slumping back in exertion. I panted, my breathing too hard and too fast, when my eyes finally snapped
back into focus.
Blood. All I could see was a fucking shit ton of blood. Blood beneath me, blood covering a fucking
corpse in front of me… a fucking corpse so fucking cut up you couldn’t see his face. You couldn’t
make him out at all.
Movement beside me made me turn, and I gasped for breath. Maddie… Maddie…
“Flame. God!” Maddie sat on the grass verge behind me, her face pale, hand covering her mouth.
Rage built in my chest, rage and a fucking rush of feelings I couldn’t understand, and I screamed.
I screamed and fucking screamed. Scrambling off my poppa’s torn up body, I collapsed on the road,
my knees bent and neck muscles tight. Then fisting my hands, I threw my head back and screamed
again. I fucking screamed until my fucking voice cut the hell out, my throat raw and sore.
Suddenly, I felt real fucking tired, exhausted, and my head dropped forward. My body shook as tears
fell from my fucking eyes. And I couldn’t fucking stop.
I couldn’t fucking stop.
Too lost in the fucking aftermath of the kill, I felt a soft hand on my face. I flinched at the touch, but
when I went to knock it the fuck away, Maddie’s face came into view. Tears were streaming down
her cheeks, and her face and lips were deathly white.
“Maddie,” I croaked, unable to fucking move.
Maddie inched further forward on her knees, and my head fell into her chest. Maddie cried out, and
wrapped her arms around my head, holding me to her chest. I pushed my weak assed arms around her
waist, and said with a hoarse voice, “He’s gone. He’s really fucking gone.” It felt like a fucking ton
weight had been lifted from my chest.
Maddie sobbed from above. “Yes,” she whispered, then crushed me harder to her tiny body.
We stayed that way for minutes, until I heard noise coming from behind me. Hearing Maddie gasp, I
pulled back, lifted my head. And my heart fucking stopped.
Vike and AK were coming out of the house… walking out of that fucking house, with the kid from
the cellar. A kid who looked about sixteen or seventeen.
He was thin.
He was tall.
He was pale.
But he… he…
“He looks just like you,” Maddie voiced from beside me. She’d said aloud what I was thinking.
“Lord, Flame, he has your eyes, and he has your color hair… he looks like he is… God! Is he your
brother?” Her hand reached down to take mine, and she questioned, “Do you have another brother?”
I stared at the kid, standing between AK and Vike. I stared at his ripped clothes. But his eyes were
on me. He never fucking took them off me. Viking put his hand on the kid’s shoulder, but the kid
jerked back.
I immediately shot to my feet. “Don’t fucking touch him,” I bit out.
 Viking moved back, his hands in the air. “Fuck man, I weren’t gonna hurt him. I was fucking bringing
him out to meet y’all, brother. This is Asher Cade. Turns out Daddio had a woman on the side, and
after you left, he moved her and his bastard kid into this palace. Asher here is said bastard kid.”
Viking pointed at the boy. “You have a fucking little brother, Flame. Asher fucking Cade. Your old
man married his mama, and made it all nice and official as soon as he could.”
Feeling like I’d been fucking punched in my stomach with a lead bar, I walked forward. The kid
watched me, then he fucking looked over my shoulder. I tensed when I knew what he was seeing, but
then a fucking long sigh left his mouth, and his shoulders slumped.
“You good, kid?” AK asked, and he slowly nodded his head.
His dark eyes fixed back on me, and he shyly asked, “You’re Josiah?”
I stopped dead, Maddie’s hand squeezing mine. I shook my head and hissed, “I’m Flame. I used to
be Josiah. Now, I’m Flame.”
The kid looked at the body on the floor behind us. “He said I was... like you. Said I was too much
like... Josiah. Then he hurt me… he…”
The kid’s voice choked off. He looked down at the ground. His eyes closed. He panted through his
nose.
“How old are you?” AK asked, from my left.
“Sixteen,” the kid replied. I closed my eyes.
Opening them again, I asked, “Where’s your mama?” The kid looked up at me. I saw his expression
change. His eyes lowered. He swallowed.
Viking pointed at me. “Flame ain’t angry. It’s just how he talks.”
I frowned at Viking. “How did I fucking talk?”
Viking shrugged, and rubbed his hand under his nose. “Like you, brother. Don’t sweat it.” Maddie
laid her head on my arm. I breathed normally, hating how I could never fucking speak right to new
people.
Asher rocked on his feet, looked real fucking sad, and answered, “Died a few months back. She…
she killed herself.” He looked up at me and pointed behind him. “Hung herself on the tree out back.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “I found her. And poppa… he blamed me. Said it was all my fault.” He
shook his head. “But he beat her. Made us go to that church he loved so much, and we hated. She
killed herself because of him, but he blamed me. Mama was still so young, she was only eighteen
when she met him. She couldn’t go on any longer.”
“God…” Maddie whispered, clearly in shock. I closed my eyes and thought, just like my fucking
mama. It was all exactly like my fucking life.
When I opened them again, AK was standing in front of me. “Your call, man. This kid’s your
blood.” I stared at my… brother… and my heart pounded. I had a brother. I had a fucking kid
brother… again.
The kid held my gaze. He stepped forward and asked, “What’ll happen to me now? I can’t…” His
breath caught, and he shook. “Don’t take me to that church. Please… Josiah, please… I got no other
family, and I hate that church more than anything.”
“It’s Flame,” I corrected, too busy thinking about that fucking church. The kid’s eyes widened.
“Flame,” he pleaded. “Don’t make me go there.”
Maddie squeezed my hand. When I looked down at her, she was staring right back up at me with
those huge eyes. Taking a deep breath, I faced Asher and ordered, “You come home with me.”
The kid paused, then choked on a fucking pained sob. Viking moved forward and slung his arm
around Asher’s shoulder. The kid tensed, but he relaxed straight away into Viking’s huge chest,
fucking curling himself into Vike’s hold. Just then, I knew that Asher wasn’t like me at all. He didn’t
have my condition. He could be touched… He—
“… can be touched,” I finished, under my breath. Maddie’s hand lay on my chest. She’d heard me.
My arm lifted to lie over her shoulder and I pulled her closer, holding the one person I could touch.
Placing my mouth close to her ear, I whispered, “He can be touched, Maddie. He ain’t like me.”
“I know,” she replied, and hugged me tighter. “That’s good, Flame.”
Viking walked past me toward the bikes, away from the fucking corpse. With Asher under his arm,
he asked, “Little fucking Ash. You ever been to Texas?” Viking stopped dead in his tracks and looked
back. “Fucking Ash, brother. Flame and Little Ash.” He shook his head and smiled. Turning back to
Asher, he asked, “You ever been on a bike?”
“No,” Asher replied in a timid voice. “But I’ve seen one. And I’ve always liked them.”
“Good thing, brother. Because where you’re going, you’re gonna learn to fucking love them.”
AK followed them both without saying a word. I stood there just breathing, staring at the old
shithole of a house. Maddie walked in front of me. “What now?”
Pushing a loose strand of her black hair behind her ear, I said, “I need you to wait out here.”
Maddie stilled, then dropped my hand and walked to the bikes. I headed back to what was left of my
poppa on the ground. Bending down, I picked up his fucking torn up corpse in my arms, and carried it
into the house, back to the cellar. Without even looking at its face, without even looking down into
that fucking pedo cell, I threw it into the hellhole, throwing in that fucking cursed blade with it.
In seconds, I stood at the front door, and reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my lighter and brought
up a flame. I stared at the orange flames, feeling the flames in my blood stir in response. Then I
walked through the old doorway for the very last time, and flicked the open flame onto the cluttered
dry floor. I shut the front door behind me, and just fucking smiled. Lifting my head, I saw Asher on the
back of Viking’s bike, wearing leathers far too fucking big for his paper thin body. Then I climbed on
my bike. Maddie was already waiting, her arms coming around my waist as soon I sat in the saddle.
AK rolled his bike beside me, and asked, “What now, brother?”
Focusing straight forward, I said, “I got one more place to go.”
AK revved his engine, and said, “Then fucking lead the way.”
We pulled out onto the dirt road. I smelled the smoke of burning wood. And I smiled again. I smiled
knowing that that fucker would burn to ashes.
We hit the main road, and I tore up asphalt heading for one last place. AK and Viking were right on
my back wheel, not one fucking car to be seen on the road.
My chest tightened as we approached the building I hated most. When the old church came into view
on the deserted country road, I pulled my bike to a stop out front.
Sliding off my bike, I turned to Maddie. “You stay here out front with the kid. This won’t take long.”
Maddie swallowed, but she got off the bike and walked toward Asher who was sitting on Viking’s
bike. Viking and AK joined me.
“What the fuck is this place?” AK asked, inspecting the old white shack.
My hands fisted and I replied, “A church.”
AK frowned and Vike shook his head. “And what we doing at a rundown church? ‘Cause I’m pretty
fucking sure I’ll burst into flames if I walk into that place,” Viking said as he pointed to the entrance.
“You go in there and bring anyone inside, out back. I’ll be fucking waiting,” I ordered, and without
waiting for a reply, went to my bike and took two new blades from my saddlebag. Gripping the
handles, I walked round the back and waited.
It wasn’t two minutes later when AK and Viking came out holding a man each. And the rage came
back seeing Pastor Hughes and Elder Paul in their hands.
My brothers held them in their grip, the two men from my past completely white with fear. Vike
flicked his chin, and said, “These were the only two in there. They who you want?”
“Yeah,” I growled. I lifted my blades and ordered, “Hold them up against the wall.”
AK and Vike moved without question, and slammed the Pastor and the Elder against the wooden
wall of the church. The men started firing questions at me, but I didn’t waste any fucking time.
Plowing forward, I plunged my knife first through Elder Paul leaving him impaled on the wall,
choking on his own blood. Then through Pastor Hughes’ stomach, getting close enough to his ear to
spit, “That’s for Isaiah, you fucking cunt. For Isaiah and for helping that fucking bastard of a father get
away with fucking murder and rape.”
I walked away, only looking over my shoulder to order Vike, “Torch the fucking place, and leave
those fuckers on that wall to burn alive.”
I reached my bike and flicked my chin at Maddie. She walked to me slowly. “Are you okay?” she
asked warily.
I nodded my head, and jumped on the saddle. Maddie got on behind me, no questions asked, just as
AK and Vike came back round front. AK nodded his head telling me the place was smoke.
As my brothers got on their bikes behind me, I held up my hand in the air and pointed forward.
It was time to get the fuck home.
 Chapter Twenty-Eight

Maddie

We arrived home three days later.

We were tired and emotionally drained, but we were home. In fact, we arrived home in good time,
Flame pushing us hard to get here as soon as possible.
Asher had made the journey without complaint. And, in the little time I had to speak to him, I had
come to discover that he was a sweet young boy. Naïve, sheltered, but bright. AK and Viking had
taken him under their collective wing. Asher had swapped riding on the back of their bikes, and he
slept beside them when we camped at night. Flame’s two best friends talked to him non-stop. Viking
explained their alternative life and what Asher’s future could become.
Asher listened intently, saying little in return. He was painfully quiet, but I immediately liked him.
And my heart cried for him. When I looked at Asher, I could not help but see a young Flame in his
eyes. They were so much alike in looks. It was a startling likeness. But the best part of all, Asher had
the promise of a young life. Where for Flame it had been already ruined. And Asher did not have the
same disposition as Flame. Asher could read people just fine. He could express emotion, and he
could understand subtle cues and actions. He did not share the same condition as his paternal brother.
Which led me to Flame.
For the entire journey Flame had spoken little. He rode. He ate. And he made our bed away from
Viking, AK and his brother. Far away, shutting them out completely. Each night, each time we went to
sleep, he pulled me down to lie beside him, clutching me so very tightly in his arms. Like he was
afraid to let me go. But he did not speak. He did not speak of what he had done to his father. Of what
he had done at his old church. He had shut down completely.
And worst of all, he said nothing to Asher.
Not one word.
He barely even glanced his way.
Asher watched him, when Flame was not looking. He watched him so closely, and it broke my heart
into pieces. Because I could see Asher’s desperation so clearly in his timid expression. I could see
the want in his eyes, for his big brother to acknowledge him, or to even look his way.
But Flame did not. He sat, sharpening his blades, head cast down.
Silent.
When we arrived home, when we arrived at the three cabins, AK took one look at Flame’s empty
face and asked, “How 'bout Little Ash stays with me? I got a spare room. He’ll be good with me.”
Flame had nodded his head once, and AK had taken Asher to his cabin. I watched them the entire
way, completely lost at what to do. Just as they were about to enter the door, Asher glanced back to
Flame. But Flame was staring straight forward, shoulders tense. Asher went into the cabin, defeated;
AK firmly closed the door behind them.
Flame had been that way ever since. Quiet, unable to bear letting me out of his sight, shutting himself
away from the world.
Feeling the water had cooled, I pulled the plug out of the tub, and sat in the draining water, trying to
search my mind for what could be done. Because that was Flame. He did not express what troubled
him. He kept it deep inside, with no indication about how to help him.
For days I had searched my mind for anything to help him address his inner pain; then, just as I felt I
was at a complete loss, unable to give any help, an idea struck me. A realization so stark that I was
convinced it had to help, even if only a little.
Because there was one haunting memory that Flame had yet to overcome. One barrier that he had yet
to confront. Taking a deep breath, I prayed that it worked. Because if it did not, I was unsure if Flame
would ever be freed from the cage in his mind.
Stepping out of the bath, I dried quickly and changed into leather pants and a black sweater, then
tied my hair back in a tight braid. When I was ready, I left the bathroom to find Flame in the same
position he had been in for days. He was slumped against the wall near the unlit fire, his finger
travelling down the long blade in his hands… and his intense dark eyes were fixed on the end of the
living room... to the hatch... the replica of the hatch that brought him so much pain in his younger
years.
I noted his muscles tensed when I entered the room. And as he had done for the last few days, his
hand tapped the floor beside him, wordlessly indicating for me to sit beside him.
This time, when I approached, I crouched at his feet instead. His eyes barely registered that I was
wearing my leathers; he didn’t move. Reaching out, I took hold of his hand, and when his lost eyes
blinked up, I gently demanded, “I need you to take us somewhere.”
Flame’s facial expression did not change, but the rise and fall of his chest told me he did not want to
leave. I squeezed his hand, and whispered, “For me, Flame. Please do this for me.”
Flame dropped the blade, and he pushed his large body to his feet. Refusing to release my hand, he
pulled me into his chest and asked, “Where are we going?”
"I need us to go into downtown Austin."
Flame numbly nodded his head, then asked, “Where?”
I closed my eyes, knowing this was going to be a battle. Then told him the street name. As soon as
the words had left my mouth, Flame’s body had tensed, the hard muscles in his arms and chest pulling
to their splitting point.
“No,” he snapped fiercely, and held me tighter. “No,” he repeated, just as powerfully.
Pushing back from his hard chest, I stretched to the tips of my toes. Placing my hands on his arms, I
pleaded, “Trust me. I need you to come with me. I just… please, Flame… for me.” I pressed his hand
against my heart and continued. “I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. So, please, trust
me. I am your Maddie. I would never steer you wrong.”
“Maddie,” Flame murmured, his dark eyes blinking.
“Trust me,” I pushed, and reluctantly Flame dropped his head. In seconds he had taken me outside to
his bike. Minutes later we were on the road.
He drove slowly, and I knew he wanted to avoid what I needed him to face. I held him tightly the
whole way. When we arrived, Flame parked our bike in front of the familiar white building.
His body was taught with apprehension. And I knew this was going to be difficult. But I wanted my
Flame back. I wanted him to claw through whatever dark fog plagued and tortured his mind.
I slid off the bike, and stood beside Flame. Running my hand down his arm, I laid it over his hand.
Flame sighed, then slid off his bike, his fingers immediately wrapping around mine.
As we stood on the sidewalk, Flame’s feet were firmly planted on the ground. Slowly, I coaxed him
forward. He panicked, and admitted, “I don’t think I can go in.”
My heart clenched at the lost look on his face. Pulling him gently, I nodded my head. “Yes you can.
This is not a bad place. You need to see that for yourself, Flame. You need to see that the places, the
atrocities we endured growing up, were not the norm.” Flame’s expressionless face never moved. I
reiterated with emphasis, “Trust me.”
Then Flame’s feet began to step forward. He followed me up the steep white steps, hand gripping
mine iron-tight. Then we reached the top. The wooden doors were open.
Looking up at Flame’s tight jaw, I asked, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s teeth gritted, and he shook his head. “No,” he rasped, his eyes darting all around the church
looking for what, I did not know?
“But will you follow me?” I prompted.
Flame, this time, did meet my eyes and he replied, “Anywhere.”
Releasing a sigh, I led Flame forward into the main body of the church. When I looked up, I saw him
scanning the large building. We were alone in the church. For that, I was glad. Flame needed to see
that this church was nothing like the one that had tied him down, and mistook his unique ways and
look on life, as evil.
Guiding Flame to the pews, I sat down. My eyes caught sight of a picture of Pastor James hanging in
the altar surrounded by candles and flowers, and my body washed with sadness. I knew that Styx had
organized for her family to be told of her death, though anonymously. I didn’t know the details, but
Mae had told me the conversation had transpired. And I knew they had been sent money. But seeing
her kind face smiling from the picture, I did not think I would ever purge her death from my mind. And
at the hands of a child, no less.
Flame sat beside me, as still as night. I could hear the heaviness of his breaths, and felt the rigidness
of his hands. I was so unbelievably proud of him for coming here. Because he would do anything for
me.
Flame’s head twitched as he absorbed the inside of the church. Then sighing, he looked to me and
asked, “There are no snakes? No people writhing on the floor?”
“No,” I replied with the minimum of fuss, and laid my head upon his shoulder. “It is not the place
you believe it to be.” I looked over to the statue of Jesus I used to hide behind, and said, “All those
weeks ago, when you came here for me, fearing I was hurt. I was not.”
I pointed our joined hands toward the tall white marble statue of Jesus and confided, “I used to
come here when you were receiving treatment for your neck. I would hide away behind that statue and
watch the world go by. I would stay unseen, in the shadows, listening to the choir singing their songs
from above, in the balcony, mouthing the words I was too afraid to speak. I was too afraid to sing
because I had been told my entire life that it was wrong. Although it was no longer my life, I still
held on to those thoughts. Deep down, I feared letting them go.”
Flame exhaled, and asked, “Why didn’t you let them go?”
I closed my eyes, feeling my throat clog with emotion for the girl I had been back then—alive but
not living. “I think… I think I kept hold of the old beliefs, because… because I did not know who I
was without them. My whole life I had served the disciples. I had been a slave to my fears. Then,
when I was free, I would sit in the darkness, watching others embrace the light… watching them sing.
And I would mouth the words, wanting so badly to feel the freedom I could hear filling the air. But I
just could not. I could not bring myself to let go. I feared the person I was.”
Flame’s finger played along the skin on the back of my hand, and he inquired in a hushed whisper,
“And who are you?”
Tears filled my eyes and a smile graced my lips. “Yours,” I confessed, from the deepest recesses of
my heart. “I am yours. It took you falling into darkness to make me see the truth and light.”
Flame stilled, and then lifting my head with his finger under my chin, he groaned, “Maddie…” and
he briefly closed his eyes.
Holding his wrist, I continued, “It is true. Yours, is who I am. You gave me a purpose, Flame. You
gave me a reason to live… you gave me your love… you gave me you.”
Flame’s forehead dropped to mine and his hands threaded into the sides of my hair. “Maddie,” he
rasped. “I… I don’t believe in this shit. Church, God, none of it. I fucking hate all of it. Hate how
people get so fucking sucked into it and let it change them, rule them. I can’t be around it no more.”
Feeling a lightness fill my soul, I replied, “Neither do I, Flame. This is not my life any longer. I do
not believe in this anymore, either.”
“Then what do you believe in?” he tentatively asked.
Smiling through my tears, I said, “You. I believe in you.” Raising my head, my nose brushed his, and
I confessed, “I believe in me. In us. We are all I need. All I’ll ever need from this point on.”
“Fuck, Maddie,” Flame sighed and pressed his shaking lips to my mouth. Then as our lips fused, the
sweet heavenly sound of the choir began to fill the air… and it was my favorite song. The one I sang
for Flame.
Flame broke from my mouth with a gasp, and proclaimed, “Maddie… the song you sang to me.” His
eyebrows pulled down, his mind active, thinking, and he affirmed, “You sang for me? When I was…”
he tapped the side of his head. “When I was fucking trapped in here. You sang… and I heard you.”
I nodded my head. “I know.”
“But you didn’t dare let yourself sing before. You said you never sang the words aloud.”
“I know,” I repeated.
“Then why…?”
 “Because saving you gave me my voice. You gave me the strength to break free from the bonds that
chained me to my past. The bonds that existed only in my mind. You… you freed me.”
I watched Flame’s eyes move from side to side. I knew this to mean he was thinking again.
Then a strained groan escaped his throat. A tear ran down his cheek, and he said, “I lost everyone.
He fucking took everyone from me. My mama, Isaiah. He fucking took me from me. Made me into a
psycho freak. All my life I’ve had nothing. He fucking took it all. I… I never stood a chance.”
My stomach sank as I felt every ounce of his pain. Flame suddenly stilled and stared at me, as
though I were a living miracle. “Then I got you. I have you, and I can’t lose you, Maddie. I can’t ever
fucking lose you or I will fucking go insane.”
“You never will lose me,” I assured.
His head dropped and he choked out, “Then I got Asher.” His eyes lifted, and they were plagued
with fear. “I got a fucking brother again. I got you, and I got a brother… and what if… what if…”
Sliding my hand to the back of his head, I said, “No one will take us from you. I am going nowhere.
And Asher… Asher only wants his big brother, Flame. He wants you to go to him. Speak to him. He
needs you to love him. He has lost everything and everyone too. He has lost it all due to your father.
Just like you did.”
Flame held out his arms. “But Isaiah died. He died in these fucking arms. On the eleventh breath, he
died. He left me… because of me.” His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I killed him.” He tapped
his head. “It’s always in here. I see it all the fucking time. Always eleven, because of poppa’s slices
and Isaiah’s last breaths.”
“No,” I cried, and bent my head to kiss along the heavily scarred flesh of his wrists. Flame froze,
then tried to pull away, but I gripped them tightly. I pressed kiss after kiss to his scars, and when all
of them had been covered, I said, “There are no flames, no poison, no evil in your veins. They run
with blood, like everyone else. Your father was wrong. Lord, Flame, he could not have been more
wrong. He believed scripture and sermons falsely given to him by that Pastor, but they were wrong.
He believed wrongly. Especially about you.”
I fought back the anger building in my heart and assured Flame, “You are loved, loved so much. And
your heart has so much love to give.” I held back my threatening tears, and listed, “You saved me.
You protected me. You sat outside my door, day and night, to make sure I was safe. You paced before
my window each night.” I traced along the scar on his neck. “And you took a bullet for me. Your
blood, it flows with light and goodness, not flames and sin.”
Tracing the tracks of the tears on Flame’s cheeks, I added, “We are Flame and Maddie. And we
have survived.” I pressed a kiss to his fingers and I emphasized, “We have found each other, and we
are never letting each other go. Okay?”
Flame groaned just as the choir hit a crescendo. He enveloped me in his big strong arms.
Safe.
Inhaling the rich scent of his leather, I pulled back and suggested, “Let us leave, Flame. Let us go
home. And let us never come back.”
We made it home in record time. As we entered the living room, Flame locked the door shut. I
turned to face the man to whom I had just vowed my life. He stepped closer, and freeing my hair from
its braid, hushed, “I want to be with you.”
My heart fluttered like a humming bird's wings at his need, and I led him into the bedroom. Flame
stood and watched as I shed my clothes. Seeing him standing, fists by his sides, I went to move
forward to remove his leathers. Suddenly, Flame took me in his arms. I gasped as my feet left the
floor. I stared into Flame’s eyes as he gently laid me down on the bed.
I lay unmoving as Flame untied his belt and shed his cut. His clothes dropped to the floor. Then,
with dark eyes blazing, Flame climbed upon the bed, his huge body immediately covering mine.
Flame’s hand pushed hair from my face and, just as his lips touched my lips, he murmured, “I love
you, Maddie.”
I moaned as his lips crashed to mine, Flame’s strong yet timid hands lifting to run down my waist.
My hips rolled as his hands moved north to the base of my breasts. And breaking his lips from my
mouth our fearless gazes held. The air bristled with tension as our eyes remained locked. Then
Flame’s calloused palm moved slowly to cover my left breast. A burning heat surged between my
legs.
“Flame…” I moaned, as his fingers brushed over my nipple. But something flared in Flame’s eyes
and he lowered his head. My heart slammed in my chest when I realized his mouth was lowering
toward my nipple.
We had never made love like this before. We had never been so unrestrained or so free before.
I had never felt so happy and so safe before.
Flame’s head stilled as he hovered above my nipple. Then when his tongue swiped along the flesh,
my back arched off the mattress. My hand dived into his hair. His tongue repeated the action and my
thighs pressed together in need.
When I felt I could take no more, Flame pulled back and whispered, “Maddie.” His voice was
guttural and rough, but confident. He then proceeded to press kiss after kiss over every inch of my
bare skin.
My eyelids fluttered to a close as I fought to gain my composure. My skin was on fire, branded
forever with every tender touch of his lips.
Then he lowered even further, his pierced tongue dragging down over my stomach, to the apex of my
thighs. Flame panted hard, his warm breath ghosting between my legs. When I felt this new sensation,
panic coursed through my blood. I lifted my chest off the bed. “Flame… stop…”
Flame raised his head up, and with such adoration on his handsome face, he pleaded, “Trust me.”
My heart squeezed at the need for my trust in his voice, and I nodded my head as his hand drifted
from my ankle to my thigh. My barrier of resistance was lost the moment he used that hand to coax my
thighs apart, his broad and hard chest shifting to lay in between.
My eyes shut as Flame’s thumb slipped between my folds, the placement of the pad of his thumb
causing my body to flare with need. “Flame!” I cried out, my back thumping into the mattress. As his
thumb worked faster, I thought nothing else could ever feel as good. Suddenly his thumb stopped, only
to be replaced by his tongue.
 This intimate touch arched my back. I had to find purchase on the bed linen for fear of breaking
apart. I looked down, only to find Flame’s eyes captivating mine as his mouth and tongue pleasured
my core, the metal stud piercing only heightening the sensation with each swipe. Reaching down to
touch this man who had commandeered my heart, my body, my soul, I stroked my hands through his
hair, only for a lightning bolt of pleasure to seize me in its rapture. “Flame!” I moaned, as my body
tensed and splintered apart.
Gasping, I searched for air. Flame broke away from my core, and crawled above me, his large thigh
opening my legs further. His hand ran down my body to lift up my thigh, and never moving his
beautiful eyes from mine, he pushed inside of me—slowly, gently… lovingly.
“Maddie… my Maddie,” he murmured repeatedly as he filled me so completely, muscled hips
tenderly rocking against mine. My hands drifted up his arms, over his neck, and on to the flames
tattooed on the side of his head.
And I could feel it.
I could feel the final walls surrounding his fractured soul tear down, and the true man hidden behind,
break through. And he was loving, and he was pure, and he was… “Mine,” I whispered, Flame’s eyes
flaring and his lips parting on a feral groan at my confession.
“Maddie,” Flame whispered as his arms began to tense, his hips becoming firmer and more
vigorous in their movements. His hand holding my thigh lifted my leg higher, and that insatiable
pressure only Flame could make me feel, built in mere seconds. His breathing increased in speed,
low grunts spilling from his lips. Then as his hard chest brushed across my breasts and his mouth
crushed against mine, pure pleasure took hold. Lighting me up and making me soar.
On a long groan, Flame stilled, his mouth slipping away and his head tucking into the crook of my
neck. And I held him as tightly as he held me. I held him so tightly as I gently floated from my high.
Flame’s hard muscles bunched and jerked under my touch.
Silence descended slowly on the room, and a contented smiled graced my lips. Flame, tired and
spent, rolled to the side, his large leg and arm automatically draping over mine. Turning to face him
on our shared pillow, I stroked my hand down his face, this simple act conveying how so completely
he held my heart.
Flame caught my hand, and holding it next to his cheek, rasped, “I’m gonna board up that hatch in my
living room.”
My eyes closed and I sighed a relieved sigh. Flame’s hand clutched mine tighter. I opened my eyes,
only for him to add, “And I’m gonna talk to Asher. I’m… I’m gonna talk to my… brother… at least
I’m gonna fucking try.”
And the tears did flow this time. They poured and they cascaded down my cheeks. Because I knew
he had broken through. My Flame, my tortured boy, had broken through the last of his defenses. He
had found his voice. Flame, my always and forever, had found his song, like I had found mine.
And through our love, he had finally found the courage to sing.
 Chapter Twenty-Nine

Flame

“And so the psycho returns… again!”

I pulled my bike to a stop in the yard of the compound, Vike already smoking up the grill, and all the
brother’s and their bitches drinking and having a good time.
I slid off my bike and lifted Maddie from the saddle. I placed her on the ground and, immediately,
her eyes drifted off to the men sitting near Viking. I followed her line of sight, and there he was,
Asher. Sitting next to AK. And the kid was already watching me, sitting on the edge of his seat.
Maddie’s hand landed on my chest and she said, “Go to him. I wish to say hello to my sister.”
My heart kicked into high gear, but I dropped my head to Maddie. “Okay.”
Smiling, she lifted to her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips. Then she pulled away, walking to the
group of bitches standing to the side.
Hearing a whistle, I looked back over to my brothers. Styx was waving me over. Taking a deep
breath, I headed to the group who were all sitting on chairs, eating and knocking back their poison of
choice.
A bottle of beer was immediately thrust into my hand. I knocked the top off, just as Styx signed,
“You get your shit sorted, brother?”
I read his hands and nodded my head. Ky sat forward and pointed to Asher. “Fucking good little
brother you got here, Flame. Smart little shit. He’s got a fucking brain, unlike some of the fucks round
here.”
Without looking at Asher, I nodded my head again. But a fucking huge crash of pride ran through me.
Asher was smart. Asher had a fucking chance.
Ky sat back in his chair and shrugged at Styx when I didn’t reply.
Tanner walked toward me. I met eyes with one of the only brothers who matched my size, and he
said, “Got Little Ash set up with new records, social security and all that shit. Your old man never
registered his birth. Had no trace. But he belongs to the Lone Star state now, brother. Said he was
homeschooled by his mama until she died. Styx told me to get a tutor to get him up to speed with what
he’s missed, which by talking to the kid, will take about five fucking minutes. I’ve got him in a good
school nearby, when he’s ready. Private. Discrete. Small. Cash exchanged a few hands, not all of it
entirely fucking legal, but at least it’s all done. Your little bro’s here to stay, Flame. He’s the baby of
the Hangmen now. We got his fucking back. All good?”
My chest squeezed in gratitude, but I couldn’t find the words to fucking reply. The kid had been
taught shit. He’d actually been schooled. That was more than I ever had, and I was so fucking happy
about that fact.
Tanner flicked his chin at me and sat down. Then it went real fucking quiet. I ripped the label off my
beer as I built myself up. Taking a real long deep inhale, I looked up at Asher. I already had his
attention. He was still watching me, his eyes looking so fucking much like Isaiah’s and mine that it
was surreal.
Someone coughed, causing me to snap the fuck round and flick my head toward the line of trees.
“Come with me,” I ordered. Asher’s eyes grew wide.
I didn’t wait for him to get up. Instead I took a swig of my beer and pounded through the circle of
club pussy hanging around and onto the raised verge. From up here you could see right over the forest
surrounding the compound and out to the empty acres beyond.
I heard the shuffling of Asher’s boots first, then his deep breathing. Without looking back, I flicked
my hand. “Sit down.”
I counted six seconds until he dropped beside me. Not too close, sitting about a foot away. And he
didn’t say shit to me, just sat there, head hanging low, eyes to the ground.
I pictured Maddie and me in that fucking church. And I told myself that this kid, my blood, wasn’t
going anywhere. That he was here to stay and that I wouldn’t fucking hurt him. I thought it, tried to get
it through my head, but it was real fucking hard to believe.
Taking another swig of my Bud, I lowered the bottle and asked, “You doing good?”
Asher tensed, then nodded his head. “Yeah.”
I blinked, trying to think what to say next, when I asked, “AK treating you good?”
Another nod of the head and another, “Yeah.”
I knew this wasn’t going real well. I couldn’t fucking talk to folk. I couldn’t ever fucking say
anything right. Asher looked out over the woods, but I looked to my left, watching his face. Fucking
seeing me in that face. Seeing the same kid I once was. And like me, Asher had been kept in that
cellar… and fuck knows what else.
“I ain’t good at talking,” I abruptly blurted. Asher’s face turned to me, and he swallowed. “I mean, I
ain’t good at talking. At all. I don’t read people like others can. I’m not good with people’s emotions
or shit, or mine. I… I always fuck up things I wanna say, and people get real pissed, and I end up
getting killing mad. It just all goes fucking wrong. All the fucking time."
“I know, Flame.”
I frowned. “You know?”
“Viking and AK have told me that… that you’re different from others. That you talk different to most
people.” He swallowed and said, “They’ve told me how to speak to you. So, I get it.”
I glanced back to AK and Viking. Viking was fucking around as always, but AK’s attention was
focused our way. I flicked my chin at him, and he raised his beer in return.
Asher began pulling the grass from the ground, and as I took another sip of my beer, I noticed his
hair. His dark hair, cut in a…
“Your hair’s like mine,” I said. Asher stilled. “You got a Mohawk,” I added, as my hand lifted to
run through my own.
Asher’s face went bright red. “Yeah. I… everyone keeps telling me I look like you.” He shrugged.
“I needed it cut, because poppa never cut it. So I asked for it to look like yours.”
“I don’t understand. Why the fuck would you wanna look like me?” I asked. Asher’s expression
changed. I didn’t know why his expression changed either. I couldn’t fucking read him.
“Because… because you’re my brother,” he said under his breath. I froze and could feel my pulse
slamming real fast. “I… I never had a brother before. I was always on my own. But I often wondered
what it would’ve been like if I’d had someone else there with me. Poppa always talked about you. He
said horrible things, things that he believed in his warped head, things Pastor Hughes had told him,
but I never heard them. I never believed them. He said horrible things about me that I knew weren’t
true, so I thought that was probably true of you too.”
As his words sunk in, a question came out my mouth. “Did he fuck you? In that dirt cell, did he fuck
you?”
Asher froze, and his head dropped.
“Tell me,” I pushed. “I need to fucking know.” I tapped my head. “I need to know because it’s all I
think about up here.”
“He tried.” Asher whispered, “Every time he came into that cell, he tried. But he couldn’t ever do
it.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, my stomach uncoiling in relief at the fact he didn’t fuck him. He hadn’t
fucked Asher.
Thank fuck.
“It was the drink, I think. He could barely walk after my mama died, when he put me in the cellar for
the first time. He couldn’t get it up, Flame. He’d get mad, he’d beat me.” He held out his arms. “He
even tried to cut me at first, but he’d almost drunk himself to death by the time you arrived.” Asher
sighed, then said, “Mostly he just kept me in that cellar and called me a sinner, preached his bible talk
to me from above. Don’t think he had the strength to do much else.”
I inhaled a sharp breath, then slowly exhaled, feeling all the concern I’d had, leave my body.
“That’s fucking good,” I admitted. Asher lowered his head again.
He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. Just as I’d nearly finished my beer, he said, “I want to
look like you because I wanna be like you.”
My head snapped to the kid. “Why the fuck would you wanna be like me?”
Asher pointed at me. “You’re huge, strong, can protect yourself.”
“I lift a lotta fucking weights,” I replied.
Asher shook his head. “I saw what you did to our poppa. I know what you did to Pastor Hughes and
Elder Paul.” Asher threw a handful grass to the ground, and said, “I used to dream of being able to do
that to Poppa, what you did. After my mama died, when he beat on me with a bat in that cellar, I
wanted to hurt him back. Because he took my mama from me. My mama, Flame. She was such a good
woman. But too weak to cope with him.” Asher sniffed, and quickly used his forearm to wipe his
face.
My head twitched, not knowing what the fuck to do. But Asher pulled his shit together, and choked
out, “Then the older brother I always prayed would come back and get me, did. And you killed that
fucker. You killed him so that he couldn’t hurt anyone ever again.” Asher started pulling the grass
again, and said, “That’s why I wanna be like you. I don’t want to be hurt by anyone again. I wanna be
able to defend myself, like you. I wanna be able to protect myself, from people like him.”
I looked at Asher’s size and knew that when he was my age he’d be a big motherfucker too, but all I
said in response was a promise. “No one will fucking touch you again. You got me, and a fuck load of
Hangmen, at your back. And no one fucks with us. No one.”
Asher was silent, then as his head dropped forward, his breathing changed. I turned, panicking at
what the fuck was wrong, when I saw water in his eyes. I ran my hands down my face when he said,
“Thank you.”
I blew out a breath, and sitting forward, elbows on knees, I put my head in my hands, feeling like the
worst brother on the damn planet. “Asher, I can’t be touched. Fuck, I can’t… I can’t—”
“I know,” he interrupted, as he wiped his cheeks dry.
“You do?” I rasped, fucking hating myself for being so fucked in the head.
“Yeah, AK explained. Flame, he told me everything about you. I kept asking about you, so he sat me
down and told me. I just want to know you more. And you never really came out of your cabin, or
even talked to me.” He paused, then added, “But I know you can’t be touched. AK was real clear
about that.”
“Right,” was all I could say in response.
Asher looked behind him, and then back to me. “But Maddie can touch you.” I froze. Holding my
breath I nodded my head. “It's all good,” he quickly replied. Turning a deep shade of red, he said,
“She’s real pretty. And… and I’m glad she can touch you. I’m glad you have her.”
Maddie’s face flashed into my head, and I stated, “She’s fucking beautiful. She’s everything to me.”
“Yeah,” Asher said, then his face flushed redder still. “And Flame? Will you call me Little Ash?
It’s what I’ve been getting called by all the brothers. Viking said it was my road name… and… and I
like it. It feels new, different, like I’m someone else. Just, Asher reminds me of—”
“I get it,” I said, cutting him off, knowing I hated the fucking name Josiah just as much, if not more,
as he hated Asher.
“Thanks,” Little Ash replied, and we returned to our silence. Just as I was about to get up, not
knowing what the fuck else to say, Little Ash said, “I really like all the bikes round here.”
I sat back down to the grass, and said, “I’m good with bikes. Harley’s and Choppers especially.”
Little Ash smiled up at me and said, “AK told me you can build them from scratch.”
“Yeah.”
Little Ash dipped his head, then lifted his head, a new expression on his face. “Would you build me
one, Flame? Vike said he’d teach me how to ride, but that I needed a bike. He said to talk to you
about it.”
“Yeah, I could build you one,” I said.
“A black and chrome Fat Boy? Like yours, with Flames on the side? AK showed me how to use the
net. I’ve been reading all about them and how they’re built. I wanted to understand how you built them
in your work shop. Then AK told me you could customize the paintwork as well. He told me you’d
done your Harley.” He turned his head away and said, “I went and had a look one night when I
couldn’t sleep. And I loved it. I loved the flames and skulls on the side. It looks amazing, Flame. So if
I could, I’d like one just like it. Just like yours.”
A warm feeling spread within my chest, and I said roughly, “Whatever you want.”
“Good,” Little Ash replied, a smile on his lips.
I frowned at why he was smiling, then he asked, “And can I watch you build it? In that workshop
you got out back?”
I wondered why he’d want to fucking do that. But I shrugged and said, “Yeah. Never had anyone
watch before, but… yeah, okay.”
“Good,” Little Ash said, his voice stronger. He went back to pulling up the grass, then asked, “And
Flame?”
“Yeah?”
“I like living with AK. I get that you ain’t good with people being around you too much, except
Maddie. I know you need space, but, do you think, that maybe, I could come round your place
sometime? Just to, you know, hang around with you some?”
My chest tightened, imagining having my brother in my house. My brother. “Yeah.”
Little Ash breathed out a long breath, then sitting back said, “I think… I think I’m gonna like it
here, Flame. I think I’m… I think I’m gonna like having a big brother.”
My heart fucking pounded, and not knowing what the fuck else to say, I just said, “Yeah.”

*****

Maddie
I had watched Flame call Asher over to sit with him. And I had watched as his back had tensed, and
he muddled through a conversation. As I watched, my heart swelled with happiness.
“I like this look on you, Maddie.” I glanced to my left and looked up to Mae. Her blue eyes were
shining as I took hold of her hand.
“For once, in my whole life, I like being me.”
“Because of Flame?” Mae asked.
I thought about her question. “Mostly, yes. He has brought me to life. But through him, I feel more at
peace with myself. Does that make sense?”
Mae’s hands spread over her slightly rounded stomach, and she replied, “I know exactly what you
mean.”
I tipped my head up at the sky, and embracing its vastness, said, “I never thought of myself as a
strong person. But it is amazing how much strength you discover you have deep inside, when someone
you love depends on you to be their rock, when they find themselves weak. How much courage you
can muster, when the one you love relies on you to keep him from falling to the ground. And how
much happiness can be harbored within your soul, when you allow someone into your heart.”
“Maddie,” Mae hushed, “I understand completely.”
I smiled at my sister. “You will make a fantastic mother, Mae.”
Mae’s smile faltered, and her head dropped slightly. “Do you think so?” she asked nervously. “We
never had one, Maddie. How am I to know how to be a good mother?”
I squeezed Mae’s hand. “You may not have had a mother, but I have.”
Mae frowned. “You did not, Maddie. You were like me, and Bella. We never knew our parents.”
“I did,” I countered. Mae shook her head in protest. But I cut in and pronounced, “I had you.”
Mae’s lips parted in shock, and she whispered, “Maddie.”
“You will be the best of mothers, Mae. Because you and Bella showered me with an abundance of
love. I did not know how to express my emotions back then, nor could I tell or show you how much
you meant to me. But I see it now.”
A tear fell slowly down Mae’s cheek, and she asked, “But you have found your path now?”
“Yes,” I replied, seeing Flame walking toward me, Asher by his side. “I absolutely have.”
Flame reached where we were sitting. I stood up and stretched out my hand. He gladly took it, and I
could see the tension at being away from me, disappear instantly.
Asher stood awkwardly at his side, and I cast him a smile. “Hello, Asher.”
“It’s Little Ash,” Flame corrected abruptly. As I viewed his face, I understood why.
“My apologies. Little Ash,” I corrected.
“I’m good, thank you,” Little Ash shyly replied.
Flame’s head then snapped up at a young Hangman passing by. “You!” he shouted. The young man
froze on the spot. His brown eyes bulged as they caught sight of Flame. “Get the fuck here,” Flame
ordered.
Smiler rose from his chair across the yard and came over. “Yo, Flame. What you want with my
cousin?”
Flame stared down at the young man and he demanded, “Name?”
“Slash. I’m the new prospect,” the young man replied rather nervously.
“How fucking old are you?”
The young man rocked on his feet. “Eighteen.”
Flame pointed at Little Ash. “This is Little Ash. You’re gonna show him around. You’re gonna
fucking look out for him. You’re both the youngest here, and that’s how it’s gonna be.”
Slash turned to Little Ash and nodded his head. “You wanna come with, man? I can show you
around.”
 Little Ash nodded his head in reply, and began to follow Slash, hands tucked in the pockets of his
jeans. Smiler shook his head at Flame and went back to the other men. Then Flame shouted. “Slash?”
Slash turned and Flame pointed straight at Little Ash. “He’s my little brother. Hurt him and I’ll slit
your fucking throat.”
Slash paled, nodded his head and scurried away. As Little Ash turned his head to follow, I caught a
ghost of a smile gracing his lips.
I pressed myself into Flame’s chest just as Lilah entered the yard. Seeing me standing with Mae, she
came straight over and hugged me to her chest, then kissed Mae on her cheek.
Behind us, Ky approached.
“Sweet Cheeks,” he said smiling, winking at his wife. As soon as he reached Lilah’s side, he threw
his arm over her shoulder and tipped her back for a kiss. Lilah laughed against his mouth.
It was not long before Styx appeared next to Mae, his arm protectively threading around her waist,
his hand laying flat over her stomach.
Styx reluctantly moved his hand and began to sign, my sisters and Ky joining in the conversation.
But I did not pay them attention, instead I glanced around the yard, at this new strange family I had
found myself amongst, feeling safe under Flame’s arms now draped around my shoulders. Then my
eyes fell upon the window of Styx’s apartment. The apartment above the compound in which I used to
reside. And I remembered those early nights after leaving the commune; I would sit at the window,
staring down at the men I was convinced were evil.
All except one… the man with the dark eyes, who paced the ground outside my window; eyes fixed
on me, as my hand pressed to the glass, wishing I had the strength to talk to him.
Pressing a kiss to Flame’s arm, feeling his chin rest upon my head, I decided I liked being down
here, living my life, melded to Flame’s heart, and wrapped in his embrace.
I liked it much better.
Much better indeed.
 Chapter Thirty

Prophet Cain

White tunic.
White pants.
My long hair down.
I was ready.
But as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, all I felt was nausea. And wrong. Everything about this
place screamed to me that it was so fucking wrong.
A light knock sounded on the door that led to the altar. “Come in,” I called. Phebe entered the room,
now freed from her seclusion.
“It is time, my Lord,” she announced and waited at the door.
I frowned. “You are not joining Judah tonight?”
Phebe looked down at the floor. “He has chosen Sarai in my stead. She has now been awarded the
role of Judah’s first consort.” Her head dropped further. “As his only consort.”
My stomach rolled as I thought of my brother taking that child. I felt sick. Phebe looked up at me as
music began to drift into the room. “My Lord, it is beginning. We must go.”
Forcing my feet to move, I followed Phebe down the narrow hallway, smelling the strong scents of
burning incense, listening to the instrumental music grow in volume. My heart beat in time with the
fast drumbeat pulsing off the walls. I prayed to God to get me through this.
Reaching a veiled door, Phebe pointed to the inside. “This is where I leave you. I am without a
partner for tonight. I am not permitted to enter.”
I stared at the door. “How many people are in there?”
Phebe followed my gaze. “Many, my Lord. Perhaps a hundred? This Lord’s Sharing is meant for
only the elders and the disciples. Those who are taking on the elevated honor of awakening the
sisters.”
My body tensed at Phebe’s words, and I whispered, “Awakenings…?”
“Yes, my Lord. Judah organized for all the appropriately aged girls to be gathered in
commemoration of your attendance. The commune is quite abuzz that you shall be overseeing so many
firsts. They believe it is a significant sign from God, that we are in his favor.”
Anger filled my veins, then I asked, “And Judah organized all this in my honor? This many…
firsts... did you say?”
“Yes, my Lord. He wishes to honor you greatly. He has been excited all day.”
Waving my hand, I said, “Thank you, Sister Phebe, you may leave.”
 Phebe bowed and walked away. I stayed at the door. Because I knew, as much as I believed in my
people’s cause, as much as I believed I was the prophet of The Order, I knew I could not stand by and
—no, I could not bless the raping of children. Nothing in my faith told me it was right under God’s
eyes. Not even the supposedly revealed words of my uncle.
Then the anger rose again when I thought of Judah. We had barely spoken more than a few strained
words since I released the Cursed sisters. He and Brother Luke were always together, heads joined in
hushed whispers, Sarai following Judah's every word, like he was the prophet, not I.
His lies about Delilah. His secret plan to kidnap the Cursed before we were ready. And now this?
The organizing of awakenings in my presence. And I knew.
He was testing me.
My own brother. My twin. My only family... Had lost faith in me.
Hearing the pained cry of a young girl, I plowed through the veil into the smoky room of the Lord’s
Sharing… and the image before me as the smoke cleared would forever be burned into my memory.
Grown men, of all ages, naked and erect, were braced behind young girls, girls little older than eight
years. And some were already within them. Raping them. Taking their innocence… devices between
their young legs as they lay forehead to the ground, behinds raised in the air, with their hands clutched
behind their backs.
I fought to hold back the vomit as a cacophony of pained cries assailed my ears. And then when I
stepped forward, a young girl, braced on her knees, her face red with pain, clashed her gaze with
mine. And I knew her in an instant. It was the young girl from the video. The young girl who was
dancing; forced to dance for me, her pretty young face fighting back tears as she did so.
And here she was, being raped by a grown man, a man that had to be in his forties.
And I snapped.
That sight, the girl’s tears; a messed up mass rape disguised as celestial worship… it made me
fucking snap.
Rushing forward, I grabbed the man forcing himself on the little girl from the video. I ripped him
backwards. I ripped him backwards, and when his shocked face stared up at me, I struck. I struck and
I struck, my fist pummeling his face with all the force I could muster.
But I could not stop. Every ounce of anger and resentment, every ounce of stress that had built up
over the last year, was pouring out of me via these fists.
But I did not hear the music stop.
I did not hear children screaming.
I just kept hitting this cunt’s face, blood spraying over my arms and white tunic. Until finally,
someone pulled me off him and I hit the ground.
I scrambled to my feet ready to strike whoever was behind me, when I saw a familiar pair of eyes—
identical eyes to mine.
“Cain,” Judah hissed, his eyebrows pulled down in anger.
My hands shook. Shook so fucking badly that I had to look down at them, only to see blood coating
every inch of my skin.
“He is dead.” My head snapped to my side, as Brother Luke crouched over the man on the floor. The
man that had been beaten so hard by me, that his face was unrecognizable.
“Cain, what have you done?” Judah asked in shock. And just like that, the anger that had
momentarily dissipated from my body ignited tenfold. I stared up at the identical face I no longer
considered to belong to my twin brother.
“What have I done?” I asked in astonishment. I shook my head, laughing a humorless laugh. “What
have I fucking done?”
Judah stepped back, eyes wide. Then I noticed that he was dressed only in his tunic pants… as was
brother Luke.
My eyes drank in the room. And on the white linens covering the floor were bloodstains. A mixture
of blood and semen from the union of young girls and men. “What have I done! What have I fucking
done!” I roared, and stormed at my twin, thrusting my hands toward his chest. “What have you fucking
done?”
Brother Luke closed in behind me. Spinning round, I slammed my hands on his chest and screamed,
“Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out, before I snap your fucking neck!” Brother Luke blanched and ran
from the room.
I turned to see Judah watching me. And I saw real fear in his face. “Cain?” he tried to calm, palms
high.
I cut him off. “You think this is okay? You think raping little kids while they scream, being ripped
apart by fucking old men, is okay?”
Judah eyes scanned the floor, staring absently at the burning incense and discarded devices, which
kept the young girls’ legs apart. “It is the Lord’s way. It is one of our most fundamental beliefs. The
men, the men need this. It is part of our faith.”
As I regarded Judah, my jaw clenched and, sweeping an arm over the scene, I proclaimed, "I am the
prophet. And as such, I will be changing our practices. Starting with this.”
I turned, intending to leave, when Judah reached out and grabbed my arm. I whipped back round.
With a hard face, Judah asserted, “The brothers will not accept such a change. Not even from you.”
With genuine incredulity, I stared at my twin brother and pointedly asked, “Are all the men here
fucking pedophiles? Are they here in our commune for God and their souls’ salvation, or to fuck
young girls?”
Judah staggered back. He shook his head. “Those men. The evil men you lived with for five years.
They have corrupted your beliefs. Look at how you are acting. Hear how you are speaking! Hear the
sinful words slipping from your lips!”
“I am nothing like them. But hear this; as fucked up as they are, as evil as their actions may be, they
do not fuck innocent children!” I stepped back, and said quietly, “How am I alone in seeing this?”
“They infected your soul,” Judah snapped.
Laughing without humor, I pointed at his face, and said, “No, brother. What you don’t understand is
that I fucking hate those men. I want them destroyed as much as you. They sin, they whore, and they
disregard God’s laws day in and day out. But what living with them did give me is fucking context.
You never left our childhood home, Judah, not once. It was me. It was me who lived in the outside
world for five years, and as much as I hated every fucking second of being in that hell, it has
convinced me that these fucked up sessions are wrong. Maybe if you had been the one sent on that
mission, you would not be standing here like a pedophilic fool, defending the indefensible!”
Needing to get the hell out of this stifling place, I made for the door, when Judah announced, “You
have lost our faith, Cain. You have been corrupted. You do not deserve the prestigious mantle of
leading our people, not acting like this.”
I stopped dead, and turned round to warn, “Careful, brother, that sounds dangerously like treason.
And treason against the prophet is punishable by imprisonment.”
Judah’s face turned ashen and, face tight, he fled from the room. I raced back to my mansion, and
into my office. I began poring over the scriptures, set on creating my own version.
I worked for hours, deciphering and burning old, often unintelligible, revelations by my Uncle
David from his later life. I purged the practices that so offended, and I put pen to paper, creating new
laws and practices that wouldn’t jeopardize the innocence of our children.
I work so hard that the moon fell, giving way to the lightening sky of a new day. I worked so hard
that I fell asleep at my desk, pen still in hand…
Suddenly, a blow to the back of my head ripped me from sleep. My eyes stung with the pain of the
strike, and my vision blurred. I turned to fight off my attacker, when a sack was pulled over my head,
plunging me into darkness. I fought to get free, but tight ties were wrapped around my arms and feet. I
was picked up, many hands holding my arms and legs. And I was ripped from my home into the cold
dawn air.
As a light breeze whipped through my tunic and pants, I heard the unlocking of a door, and the echo
of feet pounding on stone floors.
I tried again to get free, I tried to loosen my ties, but they were too tightly bound. I breathed hard as
the opening of another door sounded out. Then pain racked my body as I was tossed onto a hard floor,
the impact causing my head to crack against a hard wall.
Shuffling sounds surrounded me, then the sack was roughly lifted from my head. I blinked against the
hard bright light. As I focused, I saw four gray stone walls, the smell of damp and sweat filling my
nose.
Then I looked up. Looked up to find Judah and Brother Luke, along with two other disciples dressed
in black, all peering down at me.
Judah was staring down at me as though I were a stranger. “Release me, now!” I snapped. My head
throbbed at the blows I had taken. When my twin did not react, I fought against the restraints, then
snarled, “As your prophet, I demand that you release me!” Nobody moved, until suddenly, they turned
to leave.
My heart pounded in my chest, and I thundered, “Judah!”
My twin stilled, and walking back into the cell to stand at my feet, he said, “You, Judah, brother of
the prophet.” He pointed at my face and my eyes widened at his words. “You are charged with
treason against The Order. You are to be incarcerated in this cell until I decide your punishment.”
 He turned to leave, when I again screamed, “You can’t do this! JUDAH!!!”
Judah froze in his steps, and turning to me, he shook his head. “No, brother. You, are Judah.” He
reached up and pulled his long brown hair from its band, the long brown strands falling down his
back in the style I, as the prophet, always wore. “I am Prophet Cain. I am the destined Prophet of The
Order. And I have a holy war to prepare for.”
With that Judah left, slamming the door shut, plunging the cell into darkness. Leaving me alone.
Betraying his own twin. His brother. His only fucking family…
“JUDAH!”
 Epilogue

Flame

A knock sounded on the door. Pulling it open, AK stood in front of our cabin. Without saying a word,
he handed me two small boxes and a bigger one. My stomach rolled with nerves as I held them in my
hands.
AK cleared his throat. “It’s all there, brother. Good luck, yeah?” He smirked, then flicked his hand
in a wave as he walked back to his cabin.
Turning, I shut the door, just as Maddie walked out of the bathroom. And I fucking froze. My hands
gripped on the boxes as I took in how she looked.
She wore a long white dress with no sleeves. Her long black hair was curled into waves that fell to
the bottom of her back, and she had flowers pinning back two sections of her hair from the front of her
face.
Maddie’s face blushed as I stared. “Maddie,” I rasped.
Running her hands along her dress, she asked, “Do I look okay?”
“You look fucking beautiful.”
Maddie dipped her eyes, then glanced up at me through her long black lashes. “It is silly, but I
wanted to dress appropriately. I,” she swallowed, and fiddling with her hands, said, “I wanted you to
think me beautiful tonight. When we did this. When we made this commitment.”
A groan left my throat, and I replied, “I always fucking think you’re beautiful.”
“As I do you,” she replied. I looked down at my leathers, boots and cut, and frowned. I looked the
same as always.
Maddie moved toward me and smiled. Her fingers pointed to the boxes in my hand, and she asked,
“You have everything we will need?” I nodded, and Maddie held out her hand. “Then shall we?”
My heart fired off in my chest, but I let Maddie lead me out of the cabin and into the woods at the
back of our clearing. It was dark and it was cold, but I couldn’t feel a fucking thing as I watched
Maddie walk ahead. In fact, I barely noticed that we’d arrived at the river.
Dropping my hand, Maddie turned to face me. “I love being beside the water. I spent so much of my
life indoors, that I adore hearing the flowing stream and smelling the fresh air. I… I could not think of
a better place to do this with you.” Maddie pointed up at the sky. “The night is clear too. Not a cloud
in the sky. And the stars and moon have come out to watch.”
But I didn’t bother looking up. What the fuck were the stars and moon, when I had her? I couldn’t
take my eyes off her.
I could barely fucking breathe.
I could barely breathe knowing this was our fucking wedding day. Or at least our version of one.
 I’d asked her to marry me days ago. I knew it wasn’t done right. But I’d just been inside her, Maddie
stealing my fucking heart as always, and I knew I had to have all of her. She as mine and me as hers…

*****

We lay in bed, Maddie in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. I could hear her breathing
begin to change from fast to slow, and I knew she was falling asleep. As her hand pressed on my
chest, she released a quiet sigh, I knew this wasn’t enough. I wanted more than what we had. I
fucking wanted it all. I needed to have her. Have her as mine.
Taking a deep breath, I rolled over, and Maddie slipped beneath me. Maddie’s sleepy eyes
opened in surprise and I took hold of her left hand, and blurted, “I wanna marry you.”
Maddie’s breathing paused. Her green eyes went huge. And it was several seconds before she
swallowed and quietly whispered, “You… you do?”
I nodded once, my head twitching as I tried to explain how I felt inside. I put my hand on her
face, and said, “I need you as mine. Need you owned and completely belonging to me. I need you
as Maddie Cade. I need to know you’re never gonna leave me.”
Maddie still didn’t say anything, so I lifted her ring finger to my mouth and kissed it. But then,
placing her hand on my cheek, she said, “Flame, as I lay here, my heart is racing thinking of
something so perfect—marrying you. But we do not have a faith we follow. And… and I could not
stand in front of your brothers and my sisters to marry you. The idea of being the center of
attention fills me with such fear I can scarcely breathe. I do not think I could go through with it.
Or even speak and betroth myself to you in front of an official. I fear I would not cope with
something like that.”
I sighed, feeling my muscles tense at what she was saying. But when I thought of a Pastor or an
official—some fuck that we didn’t know—I admitted, “Neither could I.” I blinked. Maddie’s eyes
dropped, looking sad. As she did, I felt a bigger need to have her as my wife.
Lowering my head to meet hers, I pushed, “But I fucking want you, Maddie. I want you as mine.
Fully fucking mine.”
Maddie looked up and smiled. Smiled a huge fucking smile that hit my chest like a bullet. Maddie
placed hand her on the back of my head, and she pulled me down to her mouth. She kissed me
softly, then promised against my lips, “We will find a way, Flame. As I need to belong to you too.
If it is possible to belong to you more than I already do.”
I crushed my mouth back to hers, and as I did, I imagined my ring on her finger and my name on
her back. I imagined owning her. I imagined finally having her as my old lady…
Maddie—my old lady.
I didn’t know how the hell we would do it.
But like everything else, we’d have to find a fucking way.
 *****

Maddie stepped forward until she was right in front of me, the river flowing behind. Reaching for
the boxes in my hands, she placed them on the ground, and stood up. Getting to her tiptoes, she
wrapped her arms around my neck. I bent my head down so I could see her face.
Maddie smiled as I lowered to her height, and said, “I love you, Flame. I cannot wait to become
your wife.”
Growling, I pressed my lips to hers then pulled away. Maddie stepped back, and I picked up the two
smaller boxes from the ground. I handed one to her, and she opened it. Maddie stared at the ring
inside, the ring meant for me to wear, and took it out to hold in her hand. “It is black,” she said, and
threw me another smile.
Doing the same with the box in my hand, I placed her tiny ring in my palm. Maddie glanced down at
it, and whispered, “My ring is black and gold.” She studied it harder, then stopped breathing. Fixing
her attention on me, she said, “Like flames. The black and gold look like flames.” She sighed. “It is
you. This ring… it will forever be my little piece of you.”
My chest ached as she stared at that bit of gold and I rocked on my feet. I had no fucking idea how to
do this. All this romantic shit. I wanted to tell her so fucking much, about how she made me feel, what
she meant to me, but I knew I didn’t have the words. I wasn’t built to be able to tell her shit like that.
But I’d fucking show her. For the rest of my life I’d fucking show her every single day.
I just wanted her to be mine.
Property of Flame.
I just wanted her as my wife.
“What is the other box for?” Maddie asked quietly, looking behind me.
I glanced at the only box left on the ground. “I’ll show you after.”
Maddie frowned up at me, but didn’t say anything else.
Then it got real fucking quiet.
Hearing Maddie breathing quickly, I watched as she straightened her shoulders and stepped even
closer to me. Suddenly, she reached down, and shyly took hold of my left hand with her left hand.
Then those big green eyes I loved so fucking much lifted to lock onto mine. Maddie’s cheeks flushed
pink, and inhaling a long shaky breath, she smiled and put her right hand over her heart. “I am so
nervous,” she whispered, and just about crushed me where I fucking stood.
“Yeah,” I replied, feeling exactly the same and Maddie squeezed my hand. She always understood
what was going on in my head.
“Because I want this so much,” she then whispered. “I… I just never… it is too surreal for me,
being here, dressed like this, doing this. I… I never ever thought I could have this. But I have, Flame.
And the miracle is that I get to have it with you.”
My chest clenched so tight and my throat clogged real full. Inhaling through my nose, I managed to
ask, “Is it enough? Is this enough for you without a Pastor or some official here to make it real? Is
this, just us giving each other rings, legit enough? I’d fucking hate it if it didn’t seem real to you, like a
real wedding.”
Maddie pressed a kiss to our joined hands, and assured, “It is real, Flame. This is completely real
to me. I do not need anyone else here to tell me what I already know… that I am yours, and you are
mine. Our vows to one another tonight are what matters most, not a signed piece of paper from a
stranger who has no idea who we are as people. What we mean to each other. What we have
overcome together.” She shook her head. “No. This private ceremony of two is as real as it gets.
There is no fuss, no frills. I am purely betrothing my heart and soul to you tonight, and you I. To me,
that is the ultimate expression of our love. And it is perfect. There is you, and there is me. That is all
we will ever need.”
“Maddie,” I groaned, needing to fucking hear those words so much.
Maddie traced the back of my hand with her finger, and with a quiet voice, said, “I have come so far
since meeting you, Flame. I have grown as a person, but more than that, I have found solace in your
arms. A wonder I did not feel I would ever get. We discovered what love is through each other, and
we learned that we could move on from the horrors of the past.” A tear slipped down Maddie’s
cheek, and her little fingers shook as she gripped hold of mine. “You are my miracle, Flame Cade.
You truly are my soul’s other half.”
My jaw clenched as I held back the fucking lump crawling up my throat, water blurring my sight,
when Maddie laughed a single laugh and shook her head. “I used to wonder how two people—one
broken girl, and one broken boy—could ever move on from their dark and tortured pasts. But now I
know. Together, that’s how. They fight their way through… together.”
My nostrils flared as Maddie took the large ring in her hand and pushed it down on my ring finger.
And as that fucking piece of metal stared up at me from my hand, I thought my fucking black heart
would explode from my chest.
Using my thumb, I turned it around. Maddie gasped as a gold engraving came into view. “My
Maddie,” she whispered, reading the engraved name aloud.
“Yeah,” I hushed out, unable to find my fucking voice to say much else.
“Flame,” she whispered, “It is perfect.” Maddie traced over the ring’s words with her finger, tears
dropping from her eyes. “Your Maddie,” she whispered under her breath.
Seconds passed as she stared at the ring on my finger. Lifting her head, she said with blushed
cheeks, “It is your turn.”
Maddie shifted our hands’ positions so that I now held hers, and I felt my stomach drop. Gritting my
teeth, I said, “I don’t know what the fuck to say.” I held Maddie’s tiny ring in my right hand, gripping
it tight. “I’m not good… with words, Maddie. I’ll fuck this up.”
Maddie pressed her right hand over my heart and explained, “Just say what is in your heart, Flame.
Here,” She took the ring from my hand and placed it at the top of her ring finger. “Say whatever you
want to say, whatever you feel in your soul, then push the ring down.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I fought back the growing pit in my stomach, and said, “I’m shit at talking,
Maddie. Can’t ever express myself right.” Maddie smiled, then looked up at me with the most
beautiful fucking expression I’d ever seen on her face.
 Lifting my right hand, I ran it down her pink cheek, and said, “But fuck, Maddie, I know this. I
fucking love you. You fucking saved me. You fucking understand me. And you’re fucking mine.” I
pushed the ring onto Maddie’s finger, and I caught a damn hit to the chest seeing that black and gold
ring sat on her hand.
Maddie sighed.
And I fucking smiled.
That ring, right there, was my home.
Lifting my eyes, Maddie was crying. “Maddie?” I questioned, but before I could say anything more,
she threw her arms around my waist and pressed her cheek to my chest.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so very much. Do you know that? I need you to know how
much you mean to me.”
I exhaled, feeling all kinds of fucking right. Because I knew she did. My little black-haired bitch
loved me. I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other on her head.
She still smelled of strawberries.
We breathed, and stayed that way for what felt like forever, but then Maddie leaned back, and eyes
on mine, declared, “You’re now my husband, Flame. My forever.”
Groaning, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rasped, “My fucking wife. Maddie Cade.”
Maddie tipped her head back, her face beaming, and she whispered, “You make my heart smile.”
Groaning, I pressed my lips against hers, making this marriage shit iron-tight.
Maddie broke away and, cheeks blushing, said, “I… I want to go home. I want… I want to be with
you.”
My muscles twitched, fucking needing that too, but just as I went to lead her out of the woods, I
caught sight of the box on the ground. Letting go of Maddie’s hand, I picked it up and handed it over.
“Here. I got you this too. You’re my old lady now. This fucking tells the world.”
Maddie slowly took hold of the box and opened it. Reaching into the box, she pulled out a tiny
leather cut, her name stitched on the front. “Flame,” she whispered and turned it over. Her eyes filled
with tears again and her finger traced over the stitching on the back that read, “Property of Flame”.
“I am,” she whispered as a teardrop fell onto the untouched leather, right over my name. “I am
yours. You have no idea how ‘yours’ I truly am.”
My pulse slammed in my neck, and clutching the vest to her chest, Maddie looked up. “Take us
home, Flame. I have the need to make love to my husband. I want to be as close to you as I can
possibly get tonight. I want to cement this union. I want us to be one.”

*****

I panted, out of breath, my skin slick with sweat. Maddie opened her eyes, her cheeks flushed with
red, the green of her eyes bright next to the flames from the fire.
 Then she smiled. Smiled and, with her hands on my face, her wedding ring shining in the light, she
brought me down to her soft lips. I groaned into her mouth, then pulled back to hush out, “I love you.”
Maddie blushed and replied, “I love you too,” she smiled, and added, “my husband.”
I rolled over to lie on my back, Maddie shifting to rest her back against the new sofa she’d had put
in. Maddie had redecorated the entire place. We had furniture, a large king sized bed… and I’d had
the hatch boarded up.
For the first time in my fucking life, I had a real home.
A real home, for me and Maddie.
Needing to be closer still, I laid my head on her bare lap, Maddie immediately stroking through my
hair. I closed my eyes at the feel of her fingers on my scalp, feeling so damn happy I could barely
fucking stand it.
“Are you okay?” Maddie asked.
Opening my eyes, I held her left hand, and rasped, “Yeah. Too fucking good. Never knew people
could feel like this.”
Maddie smiled at me, and her soft gaze became lost in the flames. But I looked up higher. I always
looked up higher. I did it every night. Every morning when I woke. I looked up to Maddie’s sketches,
now framed above the fire. She’d told me that these sketches were the life she used to dream she
could have. The life she wished she led. And she broke my fucking heart when I asked if I could
frame them and put them on the wall above our fire—the only bit of decorating I’d had a part in.
Maddie had gone real quiet for a while, then handed me the old sketchpad that she’d stopped using a
while ago, in favor of a new one. As she handed it to me, she told me, “You can take those sketches,
Flame. It will make me happy to see my old dreams on our wall. It would make me happy, as nearly
all of them have come true. It will forever remind me that I am the luckiest girl in the entire
world.”
And so I put them up. New ones along the bottom: of her sisters, my bike, Little Ash on my Harley
as I taught him how to ride, Little Ash sitting beside me in my workshop, “Prospect” cut on his back
as I started to build him his bike.
And then there were old ones on top: sketches of our joined hands, the sketch of my face looking up
to Maddie from the page, the sketch of her eldest sister, Bella, her sister who’d looked just like
Mae… and then at the very top, the biggest sketch of all—the one that held pride of fucking place, the
one that fucking owned my soul, and the one that was my entire fucking heart—Maddie’s sketch of us.
The one she believed couldn’t ever come true. The one that told me, without needing any words to
explain, what she’d wanted for us both, back when I was still locked under the flames. The sketch I
knew by memory—every stroke, every detail. The one of me holding her, and her holding me back.
My arms around her waist, her tiny fucking hand on my chest and her eyes closed in happiness.
The one that fucking started it all.
The one burned forever onto my dark soul.
Opening my eyes, I stared at that picture, as I did all the time, and my heart felt like it might explode.
Then she started to sing.
 My wife quietly sang as I stared at my favorite sketch.
At us.
My Maddie.
Her Flame.
The End
 Acknowledgements

Souls Unfractured was a very different type of novel for me to write. It had such serious and
sensitive topics woven into its pages, that, at times, it felt like my version of conquering Mt Everest!
From a first person point of view perspective, it was the most difficult story I have ever written.
Flame was the most difficult character I have ever attempted to understand and give life. But my love
for him in the aftermath knows no bounds. Flame and Maddie are my soul. They are the fantasy, the
hope that everyone can get their own happily ever after, no matter how broken they may be.
I do not think I have slept in all the months writing this. The tears were many, the stress level was
high and the coffee and Red Bull consumption was epic! But we got there in the end.
And, let’s face it, IT’S FLAME! Many people waited a very long time for his story, so I wanted to
make it as true to his character as possible. Hopefully I have achieved that!
So, to the people who helped me along this very bumpy road…
Dad, your psychological insights were vast and helped me shape this novel into something I could
love. Flame and I thank you! To Mam and Dad, thank you for being my rock when I didn’t think I
could write this novel. And thank the Lord for Facetime! Love you both!
To my husband. You have put up with A LOT from me over the last three months. To quote you
when I wrote ‘The End’, “Thank God that’s over. That was the craziest you’ve ever been while
writing a novel!” Love you, babe. Thanks for supporting this neurotic and crazy writer version of me!
Sam, Marc, Taylor, Isaac, Archie and Elias. Love you all. I have abandoned you all writing this, but
now the fun sister/auntie will return!
To my fabulous beta readers: Thessa, Kelly, Kia, Rachel, Rebecca and Lynn. Your comments and
advice were invaluable. You coped with my breakdowns with understanding and patience. And Rach,
huge shout out to you! You steered me through the threatening waters of defeat, with your texts of,
“You got this, Tills.” Love you, missus. And Matt for no doubt being your sounding board! ;)
Thessa, my personal cheerleader and good friend. You have coached me through this book every
step of the way. Thank you for everything you do. You are the cog to this machine.
Kelly, and Have Book Will Read Book Blog for hosting my blog tour and being an epic beta. You
are fabulous, and a true friend. Love you!
Ann Rigby. Thank you for talking me through Flame’s—very dark and complex—state of mind.
Listening to your vast and Awe-inspiring medical experience and knowledge in the field of abuse and
self-harm helped me more than you can ever know with Flame’s character. You deserve a medal for
what you have done for so many broken people in your life. I know in your line of work you don’t see
many happy endings, but I hope Flame and Maddie’s happily ever after made you smile.
To Ed Williamson for sketching me the most perfect Flame and Maddie imaginable, and for painting
such a gorgeous painting. “My Maddie” will forever hang in my house, thus so will your genius. So
so Beautiful.
Gitte and Jenny from TotallyBooked Book Blog. You support and champion me. You have become
amazing friends (Yes, I may have squealed like a little girl when Jenny surprised us all in London!).
You mean the world to me. And I love you. That is all.
And a huge thank you to all the many, many more wonderful book blogs that support me and promote
my books. Souls Unfractured had an epic number of blogs getting behind its release, and for that, you
have my eternal gratitude.
To all the fabulous authors that have supported me through this process, thank you. We have
sprinted. We have vented. We made it through. What a fabulous world I’ve found myself in.
Tracey-Lee, Thessa and Kerri, a huge thank you for running my street teams, Tillie’s Hot Cole’s and
The Hangmen Harlots. And to all of my street team members—LOVE YOU!!!
My @FlameWhores on Instagram. You ladies are just so bloody brilliant. What a fab bunch of
chicks you all are!
A HUGE shout out has to go to Josh Mario John, my readers’ muse for Flame. You have kindly
embraced the Flame love. My readers and I want to thank you for your gracious comments and
support.
Jodi and Alycia. Love you. To pieces. Always.
My IG girls!!!! You just keep getting better and better! I adore all of you and your support means
them world to me.
And now my readers. The saying goes that you should never talk about religion, politics or football
(Or something else depending what county you come from). So it still moves me just how much
support you give to my Hades Hangmen Series that breaks at least one of those rules! It does not
follow the usual MC storylines, contains some bizarre twists and turns, and unfamiliar ideologies and
practices that I’m sure would turn many people away. But you embrace it whole-heartedly. As a
writer, to express your academic and personal passions on the page is a dream come true. These
novels are my dream. They are my life, and so are you for loving them just as much. I can never thank
you all enough for that.
And lastly, to Flame and Maddie. What can I say? You bruised my heart the entire way through this
novel. At times I had to walk away from you in your deepest darkest moments because your pain was
too real for me to endure. But we kept strong, we preserved, and by the end, you branded yourselves
forever onto my soul.
I used to wonder how three people—one broken boy, one broken girl, and a hopeful writer—could
ever bring the characters from their dark and tortured pasts. But now I know. Together, that’s how.
They fight their way through… together.
 Playlist

The Funeral — Band of Horses

Two of Us On The Run — Lucius
My Blood — Ellie Goulding
Beat The Devil’s Tattoo — Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Gun In My Hand — Dorothy
Down By The River — The Dirty River Boys
Dust to Dust — The Civil Wars
Beautifully Unfinished — Ella Henderson
This Little Light Of mine — Elizabeth Mitchell
Cannonball — Damien Rice
Need The Sun To Break — James Bay
Soul On Fire (feat. All Sons & Daughters) – Third Day
Devil’s Backbone — The Civil Wars
Stolen Roses — Karen Elson
Into My Arms — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Wings (Acoustic) — Birdy
Crash This Train — Joshua James
Sleep Baby Sleep — Broods
Falling For Me — Johnnyswin
The Fire — Kina Grannis
Full of Grace — Sarah McLachlan
I Found You — The Mastersons
Dead Hearts — Stars
Poison Tree — The Milk Carton Kids
Ain’t No Grave — Crooked Still
Two Boys — Sin Fang
Snake Song — Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan
Fear & Loathing — Marina & The Diamonds
True Colors — Cyndi Lauper
All My Tears — Ane Brun
In Your Hands — Joshua Radin
Clarity (Live) — Foxes
Healing Hands — Marc Cohn
House By The Sea — Moddi
As It Seems — Lily Kershaw
Lost — Liza Anne
Broken Ones — Jacquie Lee
Under Stars — Aurora

To listen to this playlist, please follow the link:

https://open.spotify.com/user/authortilliecole/playlist/0zlnIJrwaamlENSACv3zx0
 Hades Hangmen Series

It Ain’t Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen #1)

Heart Recaptured (Hades Hangmen #2)
Souls Unfractured (Hades Hangmen #3)

Upcoming Hades Hangmen Novels

Deep Redemption (Hades Hangmen #4)

Damnable Grace (Hades Hangmen #5)
Crux Untamed (Hades Hangmen #6)
Darkness Embraced (Hades Hangmen #7)
 About the Author

Tillie Cole hails from a small town in the North-East of England. She grew up on a farm with her
English mother, Scottish father and older sister and a multitude of rescue animals. As soon as she
could, Tillie left her rural roots for the bright lights of the big city.
After graduating from Newcastle University, Tillie followed her Professional Rugby player husband
around the world for a decade, becoming a teacher in between and thoroughly enjoyed teaching High
School students Social Studies for seven years.
Tillie has now settled in Calgary, Canada, where she is finally able to sit down, write (without the
threat of her husband being transferred), throwing herself into fantasy worlds and the fabulous minds
of her characters.
Tillie writes Contemporary Romance, Dark Romance, Young Adult and New Adult novels and
happily shares her love of alpha-male leading men (mostly with muscles and tattoos) and strong
female characters with her readers.
When she is not writing, Tillie enjoys nothing more than strutting her sparkly stuff on a dance floor
(preferably to Lady Gaga), watching films (preferably anything with Tom Hardy or Will Ferrell—for
very different reasons!), listening to music or spending time with friends and family.
 Follow Tillie at:

https://www.facebook.com/tilliecoleauthor

https://www.facebook.com/groups/tilliecolestreetteam

https://twitter.com/tillie_cole

https://instagram.com/authortilliecole/

Or drop me an email at: authortilliecole@gmail.com

Or check out my website:

http://tilliecole.com

With Special Thanks

Ed Williamson at Ed Williamson Art

www.williamson-art.com
 “My Maddie”

Artist: Ed Williamson