A Fight Between Cat and Toad

By: BryteTwilight

Fandom: harry potter

Summary: A McGonagall/Umbridge showdown. Rawr. :-) [COMPLETED--

extended author's note]

Status: Completed

Fic type: Books/Harry Potter

Pairings/Main char.: Minerva M.

Published: 2003-07-02

Last updated: 2003-07-02

Words count: 1,486

Chapters count: 1

Converted using www.FF2EBOOK.com

Date: 2018-08-11
1. Chapter 1
Title: A Fight Between Cat and Toad

Author: Brytetwilight

Rating: PG-13 for. . .er. . .violence and shouting. I don't know! Oh, and a bit
of
language.

Summary: A McGonagall/Umbridge showdown. Rawr.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, don't sue.

Author's Notes: Have you noticed who my favorite professor is? Lol. .
.anyway,
quick, spur-of-the-moment fic and the result of too many pixie
sticks. *ALSO*
Slightly OoC for humor's sake, i.e. Minerva would never
disrespect another staff
member in such a way =) That said. . .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Minerva McGonagall sat quietly in an armchair in a corner of the staff

room, a
large stack of papers on either side of her and a red checking pen
in hand. The
papers on the right were graded; to the left were those that
needed to be graded. The
left pile was considerably larger than the right.

"Hem, hem," a sickly sweet voice rang through the lounge. McGonagall's
muscles
tightened; she had thought the room to be empty. Letting out a
long sigh, she turned
in her seat and stared over her shoulder, spotting one
of her least favorite
people.

"Oh, hello, Dolores-didn't see you there, I was just leaving, almost
finished!"
she stammered, pocketing the pen.

Professor Umbridge raised her caterpillar-like eyebrows. It certainly did not

look
as if she were done, but that was no matter. "Hem, hem," she cleared
her throat
again. In a sickly sweet voice, she continued. "I was just noticing
the remarkably
high score you gave Miss Granger. After simply skimming
the essay, it seems that a
perfect score really doesn't suit, you know."
A vein in Minerva's neck pulsed. "I believe that I can grade my own
student's
work, thank you very-"

Umbridge cut her off. "I saw, as well, the rather low score you granted Mr.
Malfoy. I'm afraid that, with the obvious competition between Slytherin
and your own
house, this struck me as blatant favorism and I will need to
take these papers in for
reviewing."

"You aren't allowed to do that, yet," replied Minerva, failing to hide her
disrespect. "Or will there be yet another rule posted tomorrow?" Her
mouth thinned
and she raised an eyebrow, glancing at the bulletin board.
Already, twenty-six new
rules had been tacked up.

Professor Umbridge's toad-like face became even more so with anger. "I
wouldn't
say that if I were you, Minerva. As High Inquisitor, I am
conducting studies of every
teacher, and if I-" she coughed. "-accidentally
slip your name onto the probation
list, I'm sure no one will think a thing of
it."

"You wouldn't dare," Minerva hissed.

"Oh, yes I would."

Minerva set her papers aside and stood, staring down a good two feet at
her fellow
"professor." "I have taught at this school for thirty-seven years,"
she replied in a
deathly tone. "And I do not intend on quitting anytime
soon, whether you wish so or
not."

"Oh, don't worry, dear, I can't get you sacked," Minerva winced at being
called
"dear" by someone only little more than half her age, not to
mention height. "But I
am in league with the Minister and if you have not
noticed, some changes have been
going on around this school, and if I have
my way, there will be many more."

"Albus Dumbledore will NOT stand for it, and if I recall, he had SPOON-FED
your
excuse for a Minister advice up until he was blinded by his thirst for
power!"
"Oh, EXCUSE me," Umbridge's poisoned-honey voice rose even more so.
"Headmistress,
has no one informed you? Albus Dumbledore will been
driven out of his own
madhouse."

"I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT WILL GO ON IN THIS SCHOOL!" McGonagall did
not bother to
keep her voice down. Deciding to take a leaf out of Hagrid's
book, she drew her wand.
"And if you ever-EVER-insult the headmaster
again in front of me, REST ASSURED it
will be reported.

"Going to jinx me, are you, Minerva?"

"You bitch!" she exclaimed, dropping her wand and grabbing a lamp,
instead.

"You're on."

***

Professor Snape was on his way to nab a snack from the kitchen when he
heard
yelling, coming from the teacher's lounge. He pressed his ear to the
door. "Bloody
hell." Yes, indeed, there was a match. . .involving Minerva?
And Dolores?! A grin
spread across his face.

"Oy, Sevvie!" Snape whipped around, ready to curse anyone who had
called him by
such a name. Unfortunately, it was only Peeves.

"What do you want?"

"Heard them, have you? They've been at it for a good fifteen minutes, it's
rather
amusing. My second and third favorite professors to annoy, maybe
they'll each drive
the other mad. . ." he cackled.

"Alert the other teachers, will you?" Snape replied in a voice so unlike his
usual
oily one. "They'll want to hear this, I'm sure. And-" he paused.
"Which poor,
unfortunate soul is your favorite to aggravate?"

"You."
"I see."

Screeching in a most horrid, up-to-no-good voice, Peeves called through

the hall.
"Oh, Binns! Flitwick, Sprout, Hagrid! Trelawney, Filch! Fight in the
staff room,
fight in the staff room, come have a look-see!" Severus grinned
like a schoolboy.

Within five minutes, a small group of professors were huddled at the door.
Flitwick had been so kind as to bring along a pair of extendable ears. "Very
nice
charm work, those Weasley twins do," he had said, sliding one
through the crack
beneath the door.

***

"TAKE THIS, CATWOMAN!" called Umbridge from across the room, hurtling
a china
plate at her colleague.

Minerva ducked and it flew into the fireplace. "Yes indeed, super toad!"

Umbridge's jaw fell open in shock. "You did NOT just say that."

McGonagall smirked. "Oh, yes I did."

A fierce war cry, like one that would come from a member of a savage
African
tribe, escaped Umbridge's mouth. "PREPARE TO BE SACKED!" she
roared.

At that moment, however, the door flew open. The two women froze in
place, for
standing in the doorway was Albus Dumbledore.

"Professor!" Umbridge cried, smoothing her wildly askew hair and

promptly dropping
a vase. It shattered.

"Dolores, enough of that for one night, I think," he said with a twinkle in
his
eye, suppressing a laugh at the blue squiggles plastered onto her face.
He glanced at
Professor McGonagall; she hid a marker behind her back.

Umbridge hastily scooted out of the lounge and to her quarters.

"And, Minerva-"

"I'm sorry, Headmaster, I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me."
She
interrupted, a bit pink in the face. "But that DREADFUL-" her voice
began to rise
again, but Dumbledore cut her off.

"My dear woman, don't apologize!" he looked baffled. "That was a rather
good go,
and I say, you got a bit sharpie-happy, didn't you?"

Minerva grinned. "Yes, yes, I suppose I did. But still-the Ministry will hear
about this, it won't look good-"

"Don't worry about the Ministry. And," he spotted her fallen bun. "Wear
your hair
down more often, it looks nice like that."

She laughed as she picked up her wand to repair the damage done to the
room.
"Thank you, headmaster."

***

The next morning. . .

"Professor McGonagall?" Hermione Granger strolled up to her teacher's

desk. "Er. .
.sorry to bother you, but it's about the grade on my homework.
. ."

"Yes?"

Hermione flushed, handing her the paper. "Well, it just seemed rather high,
that's
all. . ." She normally would not question such a thing, but she had
only taken half
an hour on the essay, instead of the usual two.

The professor took it in her hands and adjusted her glasses. "Yes, marks of
fourteen out of ten, that is a bit high, isn't it? Well, if you must know,
Professor
Umbridge seemed to think it deserved a three, and, well. . ." She
had put an emphasis
on "professor," as it was rather hard to think of
Dolores as one. "Let's keep this
our secret, shall we?"