This is a nice article for singles...read on!

Dear Son,
By Bob Blum
You have been in my thoughts a lot recently, especially my thoughts about your seeking
for a life companion. I know 25 seem old still to be single, but marriage is a serious
business. Many think marriage just happens, like death, and that you have little to do in
the matter. Well, wives are not assigned by fate. They are chosen. And by careful choices
the quality of marriage can be greatly improved.
It has been 34 years since your mom and I joined lives together. And I am still proud to
have her as my wife! With all the problems life has brought and all the negative
characteristics we each have contributed to the marriage, we would still do it over again. I
hope this will be your experience, too.
Here are a few observations gleaned over the years that might help you in selecting a life
companion.

Attractiveness
Marry someone who is attractive to you. Someone you are proud to have as your
companion. Someone who has qualities you admire. Just make sure they are the qualities
that age can improve, not diminish. Marriage is for a long, long time, and life can play
havoc on superficial “beauties.”
The catch here is that your opinion on attractiveness changes over the years. What you
think is important at the age 15 is often superseded by your choices at age 19. And what
you rated as a “10” at the age 19 would likely get “6” or “7” rating by age 22. In fact,
some of the most important values you will carry with you the rest of your life will be
settled in your mid to late 20s. In other words, son, don’t rush into a relationship. You
need time to understand yourself first.
True beauty increases with age. Superficial attractiveness can distract good judgment and
leave you wondering (too late), “What happened?”

Domesticity
For now it may not seem very important to have a companion who is skilled in home
duties. Your dates (I’m guessing) probably revolve around something “fun”. At present,
you likely want somebody who is fun to be with, someone who can enjoy the things you
enjoy. It is important to have a friend you can really enjoy. But eventually life will take a
more serious turn. Laundry piles up. Dirty dishes do as well. Eating out grows old.
Balancing the checkbook becomes a chore. And the yard, garage, and car really need
attention. At this point “fun” takes second place to “help”.
Having a companion who can share in these domestic duties is a godsend! Your mother’s
skills in this area have made much of the drudgery of life a joy. And much of married life
is made up of domestic chores.
If children enter the picture, such chores are compounded many times.

Adaptability
Attractiveness and domestic skills go a long way toward happiness in marriage, but are
not, by far, all there is. What make life fun and interesting are not the mundane routines
of life, but its surprises, its unexpected pleasures and challenges. Having a companion
who can roll with punches, who can accept change graciously, and who can adapt to the
unexpected with a positive attitude is a great plus.
Life is not predictable. Accidents happen. Tragedies occur. Friends fail us. Sickness
comes. These are all a part of real life. And they are something we all must learn to cope
with—and conquer.
What is your friend doing to prepare for the unexpected? Does she have a savings
account? A first-aid kit? A spare tire and jack in her car? Or does she seem to ignore the
need for preparedness? If you have a companion who falls apart when frustrated or
stressed, then you will have a heavier burden to carry during these hard times, for you
will be carrying them alone.
Also observe what she does to or puts into her body when stressed, when circumstances
requires a clear, quick, responsive brain. Someday you or your children or your future
may be dependent on that brain or that response.
Life can become an adventure with the right companion or a heavy burden with the
wrong one—or being unprepared yourself.

Attitude
Your marriage partner is the first to see you in the morning and the last to see you at
night. She will eventually know all your failures and shortcomings, your faults and
frustrations. There is little that you will be able to hide from her—nor will you want to.
She should be your strong tower, your comforter, your inspiration, and your joy.
Watch how your friend acts around those she is long familiar with, such as parents,
siblings, relatives, or old friends. She will likely act the same way around you once you
become as familiar to her. Is she compassionate, friendly, helpful, and understanding? Or
does she display a short fuse with mom, show irritation with a brother or sister, or talk
down to her aunt or grandparents?
How does she treat old people, people who cannot contribute positively to society
anymore? Does she ignore them or make fun of them? Or does she try to ease their pain
or brighten their day? Someday you will be old, impaired, or unable to be the blessing
you want to be, and how she treated all these other people may be how she will treat you.
Attitudes stick with us for a long time.
Also consider what she thinks about herself. Someday you may be “one flesh” with her. I
appreciate knowing that your mom is concerned for her health and well-being, as well as
my own. And she intentionally creates environments to sharpen, strengthen, or equip us
for real living.
Meekness
Meekness—power under restraint—is a rare trait in marriage today. Many husbands and
wives are wanting the power position, but without the restraints.
I hope your wife will be a woman of power—someone who can wisely override opposing
forces and destroy obstacles that hinder progress; someone who can portray calmness and
peace when your soul is in turmoil; someone who can touch you in a crowd and you will
know it. That kind of power.
And yet your companion must be able to show restraint, to hold back when everything
within her shouts to go forward.
The opposite of meekness is pride. “Look at me! I can do it myself. I don’t need your
help.” Pride brought hell into heaven, and it can do the same to a marriage.

The Final Analysis

No one is perfect. The challenge will be to choose those qualities that will be the most
important and lasting.
Selecting a mate is something we can’t do well on our own. We just can’t see everything.
Taking enough time to get to know the other person is very important, and we should do
the best we can to also know ourselves.
To select a mate without the guidance and blessing of God is like driving a car without a
gas. It goes downhill very well. You can steer, slow down, and even stop when you wish.
With enough momentum you can even maneuver small hills. You may think you’re really
in control. But the problems hit when there is a serious turn uphill, a real life challenge.
With God’s Spirit filling the gas tank, however, you can enjoy the whole ride!
You are special to us, son.

Love,
Dad