Journal

The first chapter of my life started normally, nothing special at least that’s what I

thought. Just a normal reckless kid doing reckless stuffs, what could go wrong, right? Villamor

Air base, quite a famous base in manila, full of important personnel, lots of valuable

equipment’s, lots of food also a place full of temptations. It was a normal day in the air base,

bustling as usual, my dad left me in some transient quarters (a place where you temporary live) ,

he left me with a toy it’s quite an expensive one, a remote control racing car, while I was playing

the car using my remote control I suddenly walk outside not long after he left the quarter, then I

notice my dad and a beautiful young woman, clearly not my mom, not even my aunt or any

relatives I know. I slowly approach dad and ask “who is she”, “she is one of your aunt” :my dad

replied. I’ve never seen my dad kiss any of my aunt in the lips before, quite a bizarre spectacle

for a pre-school like me. After that I went back and ask mom about what I saw and she shouted

in anger “so my intuition is right all along”. It starts falling apart, I mean our family, lots of

shouting but for some reason I feel like I’m beginning to mature at such a young age, more like

I’m force to mature, in just a couple of seconds I’m no longer the reckless child I was before, a

sudden thought went in to me, as if asking myself if it’s my fault that this all happened. If I

didn’t told my mom about it wouldn’t it be alright? That’s the first time I felt misery of being an

adult. My first ever moral dilemma, I can’t even compare it with the spilt milk I cried, the regrets

I made after I did something bad not even the regrets of accidentally destroying ones toys could

compare to what I’m feeling at the moment.

3rd Grade, the start of my second chapter, for such a short time my maturity rose by

bounds and leaps. Normal grade-schooler would play all the time or do the opposite study all the

time, but not me I do it both, study and play at a different time, budgeting it with the time table I
have, I’ve never expected myself to be good at doing both as if I’ve reach a maturity level not

belonging to a 3rd grader. Graduation, a time for celebration an occasion in which a family should

come together unless it’s the time to choose which parent you follow. Would you choose to

follow a sinner with lots of money, or follow a righteous mother with a limited to no resources at

all. I obviously choose my mom, then she ask me “did you regret it?” I said “no”, it was

obviously a lie. I regretted it at the same time I did not. That’s the second time my ethical

thinking was challenge. As much as I wanted to live a lavish life but my moral-self told me that I

didn’t regret it. My mental beard of maturity has grown an inch in an instant.

4th Grade, everything had gone south in just a year, we ran out of money, our land

inheritance where threaten by a bigger guys/corrupt politicians and judges. While our lives were

threaten quite literally by my mom’s relative. Just like that the third chapter of my life started,

and it started with a bang literally, when one of our enemy in land inheritance was gunned

downed by NPA. One of our enemy died isn’t it a good news? Unless you’re the one blamed as

the mastermind of the killing. The relatives of the dead wants someone to pay, even though they

know that it wasn’t us they simply can’t passed on the opportunity of destroying us at the same

time earning money. There was an attempt, I’ve never been so ready to kill a person in my entire

life. It was raining, a person my mother instinctively know started calling us asking for water

and suspiciously asking us to let him in. The wall we built was 7 meters away from our literal

house. We started to load our shot gun, I mean makeshift shotgun, the rain stop but the

suspicious person never cease in asking us to let him in, as he keeps asking he was gradually

being aggressive, now my mom knows he is the person hired to kill. Mom told me to lay down

and get ready to smack someone if needed. He stopped asking us as if he know that we already

got a whim of what’s going on and went away without a fight. Two months went by, our loyal
relative told us that the person was indeed the person to eliminate. After that surreal experience I

ask myself whether it’s okay to kill him, quite a dilemma for a 4th grader.

After a number of attempts and a single raid from the NPA themselves my life continued

like nothing happened, quite a crazy life I’ve been living but I know that someone else had it

worse than us so I stop thinking negatively while still learning from the past mistakes. I’m really

blessed that we are still alive this day, it may not look like it but we prayed so hard to God to get

as out of this misery we are in and miraculously he answered in different ways, although I didn’t

mention how God save us, let’s just say God truly work in mysterious ways. I’m one of the

living testaments of God’s bizarre and miraculous deliverance, although not as miraculous what

happened to David and his three friends, a miracle is a miracle regardless.