Some sample scenarios in this book are fictitious.

Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is

coincidental. To maintain the anonymity of the individuals involved, I have changed some details.
This book does not replace the advice of a medical professional. Consult your physician if you feel
the need.

Copyright 2022 Dr. Vasudha Kapoor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the prior
written permission of the copyright owner. Except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

To request publisher, contact the publisher at vasudhakapoor98@gmail.com

Ebook ISBN: 978-93-5659-345-9

First paperback edition: 2022

Edited by: Neetu Ralhan
Illustrations by: Vishruti Sen
Inner layout by: Suntec India
Printed by - Pothi.com
Dr. Vasudha Kapoor
vasudhakapoor98@gmail.com
www.vasudhakapoor.com
 Contents
Introduction

PART ONE: THE PROBLEM

Chapter 1: The Big Question
Chapter 2: A game of mind

PART TWO: THE SOLUTION

Chapter 3: The Happiness Mantra
Chapter 4: The 80/20 rule
Chapter 5: A love story
Chapter 6: A happier life
Chapter 7: Digging deeper

PART THREE: LOOKING BEYOND

Chapter 8: The Hero Formula
Chapter 9: A friend in need…
Chapter 10: High on happiness
Thought journal
Vision board

Final words
Acknowledgements
About the author
 Introduction

She returned home that day with a skip in her step and a smile on her face.
Around fifteen years ago, an eight-year-old had just put her name up for a
solo dance competition being held in her school. A shy kid without a single
dancer’s bone in her body went up on the stage and danced before a hall full
of people without a care in her heart.
When I am reminded of this incident now after all these years,
something feels off. I have a hard time believing that the little girl was me. I
feel forced to ask myself, when did this fast-paced life of stress and
overthinking overpower me so much that I lost touch with myself?
A few years back, I used to wake up each day and get on with my life,
with a vague feeling of incompleteness lingering at the back of my head.
And each day this busy life somehow overpowered me, leaving that feeling
untended.
At some point in our lives, all of us are faced with the question of how
to be genuinely happy in a life of constant stress. Overthinking, or
worrying, has become our second nature, and one way or the other it masks
our happiness. So how to get out of this worry trap and find true happiness?
How to get past constant overthinking and worrying to live with joy,
meaning and purpose?
I am Vasudha Kapoor, someone who suffered from overthinking for
over two years, and then one day decided that she had had enough. Through
trial and error, failure and triumph, I scaled the mountain of overthinking
and got to the other side. In this book, I am going to take you through
everything I have learned from my journey so that you, too, can break the
cycle of overthinking and learn to be happy.
A few years ago, I hit rock bottom. Everything around me seemed to be
collapsing and my life had hit a big pause. Waking up was hard, crying
myself to sleep had become almost a ritual, and everything in between was
hazy. I worried constantly and felt overpowered by my thoughts. I wanted
to fight the negative emotions and the constant feeling of being judged, but
somehow just couldn’t. To get me out of this emotional trap, I started
reading a lot of books, listening to podcasts, and doing anything that could
help me better understand my thought process. It took me almost a year to
realise that all the happiness that I was seeking in the outside world was
already inside of me – and it was infinite. I finally realised that the only
reason for my persistent overthinking and self-doubt was a lack of self-love.
Over time, I developed the mindset and habits that helped me reconnect
to that carefree eight-year-old I once was – a girl who loved herself no
matter what and never felt the need to prove her worth to herself or to the
world.

As of today, I have become my happiest self. While I still consider

myself a work in progress, I know that I’ve come far from where I was two
years ago. I wake up with a smile on my face, days feel lighter, work gets
done better, and friendships have become stronger – all because of
defeating the habit of overthinking and worrying and unleashing the
happiness within.
This book encapsulates my personal experiences and the lessons I have
learned from them over the past few years, with the hope that it will help
you:
– Understand your overthinking habit, along with its origin and
triggers, and overcome it for good.
– Understand what true happiness means for you, and find the secret
to unleashing your inner happiness once and for all.
– Start falling in love with yourself and your life.
 – Achieve your goals while maintaining inner peace and happiness.

This book has three parts:

Part 1, The Problem: Everything you need to know about overthinking
and how it affects you
Part 2, The Solution: Time-tested techniques and practices to help you
reduce overthinking
Part 3, Looking Beyond: How to become your best self, attract
nurturing relationships, and find lasting happiness
So gear up, it’s time to transform your life.

Don’t rush
Before you begin, a few tips on how to get the most out of this book:
1. Read according to your comfort and speed, be it just a page or one
chapter at a time.
2. Answer the questions in the ‘Look inside’ section at the end of each
chapter. It will help you understand how the concepts discussed in the
chapter apply to your situation.
3. Apply the practical tips listed under ‘Make a change’ to start changing
your life one step at a time.
4. Use the ‘Active space’ at the end of each section to jot down your notes,
feelings, or anything you want to remember.
5. Once you have read all the chapters, make use of the Thought Journal
given at the end of the book to process your negative thoughts and
emotions.
6. Finally, use the Vision Board to draw what a happiness and worry-free
life looks like to you, and manifest it through positive action.
PART ONE
The Problem
 1
The Big Question

What is overthinking?
“Pausing to look into one’s own heart is never a
waste of time”

— Peter Buffet ,

American musician,

author and philanthropist

It was a beautiful Friday evening in July of 2020, but all I wanted to do
was cry myself out. With the Covid lockdown in place, my entire family
were together upon the terrace, eating roasted chana, talking and laughing,
and having the best time. Yet, here I was, having to force myself to even
smile. Even though my life at that moment seemed perfect superficially,
something was eating me up inside. What was wrong with me? Was I
depressed? Lonely? Or was it just something minor that had become huge
for me over time?

Oh, your life looks great, they said,

with everything you ever wished you had.
Petty problems? they come and go.
Don’t ever let them make you feel low.

I wrote these lines one evening when I was feeling overwhelmed with
negative emotions. At some level I was trying to find the reasons behind the
misery in my seemingly perfect life.
This was a time when I had heard about overthinking here and there, but
had never thought of it as a big problem. With the lockdown, our fast-paced
lives had suddenly hit an unexpected pause, which made way for the voices
inside our heads to become louder and our fears to become more real. When
I look back on those days, I realise that, more than anything else, it was a
lack of distractions that was making me hyper-aware of my negative
thoughts emotions and causing me misery – distractions that I usually
masked as being busy or productive.

“BUSY BEING BUSY! IS THE MOST COMMON

EXCUSE WE GIVE OURSELVES TO AVOID
FEELING OUR EMOTIONS.”

Overthinking, or worrying, is a real problem. If you ignore it or try to

distract yourself by keeping busy, all those suppressed thoughts and feelings
are going to come out stronger than ever.
 To avoid this, we must first understand what exactly overthinking
means and what are the different types of negative thought patterns that
cause stress in our lives.

THE HIDDEN PATTERNS IN YOUR THOUGHTS

Before I started writing this book, I researched for months for the type of
content I wanted to include in it. I made a list of the exact questions that
people usually have about overthinking, and I was going to answer them
through this book. But when I sat down to write, for the first hour I only
stared at my computer. I could feel my imposter syndrome starting to kick
in. Negative thoughts clouded my mind:
‘Who am I to write a book on overthinking?’
‘Who will even read this book?’
‘I should better drop this idea and do something else.’
These negative thoughts started to overpower my rational thinking, and
the more attention I gave them the more they kept repeating themselves.
Eventually, my head was in a constant state of noise, leaving no room for
productive or positive ideas.
This is what overthinking typically looks like. It is a state in which you
experience repetitive negative thoughts, which tend to become automatic
over time, trapping you in a loop of stress, fear and anxiety. I remember that
it took me a lot of time and effort to get myself to start writing again – these
thoughts were a lot more powerful than I’d imagined.

As we’ve just learned, overthinking usually involves negative thoughts,

and in my experience they tend to fall in one of the five thought patterns
below:
1. Predicting the future: In this type of negative thinking, you start
predicting all that could go wrong because of your one unpleasant
experience. For example, you experience a falling out with a friend
and your mind starts to predict everything bad that could happen as
a result, like your friendship might take a hit and you will be left all
alone, never being able to trust anyone. You then keep overthinking
about all those unlikely outcomes.
2. Negative outlook: You tend to have a negative outlook for every
situation that presents to you. For instance, you have a bad day at
work, and you start finding fault in everything around you. You lose
your temper when the slightest thing goes wrong and conclude that
your entire life is not good enough.
3. Overcriticising yourself: You make it a habit of overcriticising and
underappreciating yourself, which then makes you to overthink your
every decision and action. For example, you shared your feelings
with someone and they did not respond the way you expected –
instead of being supportive, they became critical of you. Here,
instead of being disappointed with that person, you tend to get
disappointed and angry with yourself for oversharing your feelings
and ‘making a fool of yourself’. This makes you blame yourself and
shatters your self-esteem.
4. Black-and-white thinking: This is a thought pattern where you
tend to look at the world as black or white. So when someone hurts
you, you start believing that the entire world is like that and that you
will face the same consequences every time you find yourself in a
similar situation. For example, you have just started college and
some of your fellow students haven’t been so friendly to you, so you
start believing that everybody is going to be like that and drive
yourself crazy over that notion.
5. The ‘I should’ thinking: This is one of the most common forms of
overthinking. If you are prone to this thought pattern, you tend to do
a lot of self-talk that includes the word should – for example, ‘I
should work out today’ or ‘I should not go to bed without reading
ten pages of this novel’. In this way, you send a signal to your brain
that a task is essential, and when you are unable to do it, you
overthink.
 All of these negative thought patterns cause us to overthink. So the next
time something starts bothering you and you find yourself slipping into a
cycle of negative thinking, stop for a moment to consider which thought
pattern is getting activated. This will help you realise that what you are
experiencing is just a negative thought pattern that is making you overthink.
These thoughts tend to blow things out of proportion and away from reality,
and if you are able to recognise them in time, you will start to feel better.
That evening in July of 2020 is the first time I remember myself
overthinking, because it was the first time I became aware of all the noise
and confusion going inside my head. Something kept getting triggered that I
wasn’t giving enough credit to, and so it kept growing and hurting me even
more. Be it the fact that I was gaining a lot of weight or that I had nobody to
share my feelings with, things had become very emotionally overwhelming.
With nothing to do and nowhere to go, I had been feeling so lonely for so
long that I just couldn’t take it anymore. And with the distractions of my
busy life gone, all of this was hurting me even more.
All of us, I believe, experience some level of worrying. Some worry
about their career or future, some about social and peer pressure, some
about breakups or fights – the reasons may be different, but all of us have
worried about something at some point in our lives. The basis of this
problem, I have learnt, lies in ‘recurring thoughts’. The more a situation
affects you, the more you will keep repeating those thoughts to yourself,
until they become automatic to the extent that they keep playing in the back
of your head all of the time. And you might agree that negative thoughts
tend to become louder and a lot more powerful when you are not doing
anything, so much so that you find yourself looking for ways to get busy
just so you can avoid these thoughts.
 This sums up my definition of overthinking. If you can relate to what I
have explained so far, you may consider yourself an overthinker and start
your journey towards not being one.
This mind of ours is quite a tricky thing to understand, but what’s even
more daunting is the realisation that it might be playing tricks on us. How
exactly that happens is what comes next.

Summary
• Overthinking is the act of having a chain of repetitive negative
thoughts, which eventually leads to emotional distress.
• Negative thoughts can take various forms, such as
1. Predicting the future
2. Negative outlook
3. Overcriticising yourself
4. Black-and-white thinking
5. The ‘I should’ thinking

Look inside
Answer the following questions as honestly as you can because, hey, you
can’t lie to yourself, right!
1. What is the first thing, place or person that comes to your mind
when you hear the words overthinking or worrying?
2. When was the last time an incident or thought kept repeating itself
in your head?
3. When was the last time you shouted at a loved one just because you
were overwhelmed by your thoughts?
4. What does overthinking or worrying mean to you?
5. What is the most common negative thought pattern due to which
you start overthinking?
It is okay if you are not happy with some of your answers. The entire
point of this exercise is to know yourself a little better without judgement.

Make a change
In this section I share how you can apply your knowledge of negative
thought patterns to make a change in your thought process.
 To break the habit of overthinking, you must first be able to identify the
patterns in which you tend to worry, or, in other words, the kind of negative
thoughts that usually come to your mind.
To do this, whenever you find yourself having negative thoughts, try to
write down what type of thoughts they are. You can use a sheet of paper or
the template given next.
 When you do this exercise every time you find yourself worrying, you
will start to break your overthinking habit. How? Because, first, once you
write down your negative thoughts and the type of thoughts they are, you
send a signal to your brain that those thoughts are untrue, unrealistic, and
out of proportion. Second, over time you will start recognising your
common overthinking patterns, and then you can work on them.
 2
A Game of Mind

Is your mind fooling you?

For it is in the mind we see, and in the mind we
live, whether we know it or not.

– Dale Carnegie,

How to Win Friends and

Influence People
The year was 2019. Sitting in my hostel room, watching TV series, eating
chips, and taking a break in the best way I knew, I heard some fellow
students chatting and laughing in the corridor. Suddenly, I started feeling
bad about myself for not wanting to socialise or talk that much – and just
like that, the best part of my day had turned into a stressful mess. My mind
started bombarding me with negative thoughts: Why am I not able to talk
and laugh as much as the other girls? Why don’t I like to spend most of my
day hanging out with a bunch of people?
As I wrote this down for you, it became clear to me that what I was
going through was just a fear of missing out. But at that time I was
convinced that I was terrible at maintaining a social life, and I would
endlessly criticise myself for it.

This happened to me a lot, and more so during my five years at college.

I would feel this constant pressure to be more social, and then beat myself
up for not being able to do it. It took me five whole years to realise that I
didn’t socialise that much not because I was incapable of doing it, but
because I did not want to do it. I accepted that I enjoyed my own company
more than anything and that I deserved every bit of it. But at the time I was
unaware of this, and I kept trying to be someone I was not just because my
mind kept shooting negative thoughts at me. I would get extremely upset
and then overeat and binge-watch, and this turned into a vicious cycle. My
self-esteem started to drop, all because my mind was altering some parts of
my reality and fooling me into believing what was not true.

IS YOUR MIND FOOLING YOU?

I bet you’ve never asked yourself this question before, but for what it’s
worth, the answer is both agonising and obvious: Yes, your mind is adept at
fooling you, and, knowingly or unknowingly, you been allowing it to
overpower your every action and decision.
All of us are puppets of our minds, because we tend to believe that we
are our minds. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a phenomenal book
that beautifully explains this concept. As Tolle observes, the real cause of
our suffering is falsely associating our soul with our mind and believing
them to be the same. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to know
themselves better and find true happiness.
Your mind plays tricks on you by making you believe that you (your
soul) and your mind are the same thing and therefore all your thoughts are
true. Here is a small exercise that will help you understand this subtle
difference between the soul and the mind: Close your eyes and carefully
observe whatever thoughts are coming and going through your mind. Do
this for two minutes and then open your eyes.
Now, these thoughts might have looked like:
‘Oh, how is this even going to help me?’
‘What thoughts am I thinking right now?’
‘I am going to read that book!’
Whatever thoughts you had, just try to look at them this way: There is
someone inside your head who is saying these things, and then there is
someone to whom these things are being said. All of us tend to believe that
these two ‘someones’ are the same – but they are not.
The someone who is saying or producing these thoughts is your mind,
and the one listening to them, or to whom these thoughts are being
addressed, is your soul (or simply, you). As simple as this sounds, it tends
to be difficult for an overthinker to differentiate between the two, because
their head is full of so much noise all the time. But once you’re able to
separate your mind’s chatter from your soul’s voice, that noise is going to
reduce.
 “THE MOMENT YOU START LISTENING TO
YOUR SOUL IS THE MOMENT YOU BEGIN
YOUR JOURNEY TO ETERNAL HAPPINESS.”

Now, your next logical question would be, ‘Okay, how is my mind
fooling me, then?’
Let me answer that with a question. Who do you trust the most in this
whole wide world? You could say it’s your parents or siblings or a friend,
but you might agree when I say that it is in fact your own self that you trust
the most – everyone else comes after you. Isn’t that right?
And when I say that you trust yourself the most, what I mean is that you
have unquestioning faith in your mind. You believe everything your mind
tells you because you trust its ability to protect you and guide you in the
right direction, as it has done since you were a child:
‘Don’t do that or you might end up in a fight!’ it tells you, or,
‘Start studying right now or you will fail your test!’
Most of the time, your mind is your ally, but the problem starts when
you get hurt by someone or something and your mind starts to exaggerate
the situation. To make you feel in control of the situation, your mind
bombards you with exaggerated negative thoughts and fools you into
believing that all of those thoughts are somewhat true. And because you
trust your mind so much, you tend to lose touch with reality. Once you
allow yourself to be trapped in this cycle of never-ending negative thoughts,
you become a constant overthinker.
I urge you to read and re-read the above paragraph so that it gets
imprinted in your mind. Once you understand that your mind is the one
playing tricks on you and fooling you, life is going to get much easier,
because, hey, now you know what’s really true and what’s not, right? Every
time you suspect that a thought might not be true, use your intelligence to
analyse it, and once you have the answer, you know what you need to do
with that thought!

“WHEN YOU STRIVE FOR CONTROL, YOU

INVITE OVERTHINKING. WHEN YOU LEARN
TO LET GO, YOU INVITE BLISS.”
 It took me five long years to realise that my mind was fooling me into
thinking less of myself, and what was just a fear of missing out was
projected as incompetency in my social standing and was hurting my self-
esteem. As soon as I realised this power of my mind, something in me
changed. The first time I talked to someone just because I wanted to and not
because it was expected of me, I felt free. I realised that I could socialise
with people or choose to be alone if that’s what I wanted. The pressure of
always talking to people and proving my worth to my mind was lifted, and I
can’t even begin to explain how grateful I was for it.

The stories your mind tells you can be so powerful that sometimes you
won’t even believe the reality that is in front of you. I learned this the hard
way. For what it’s worth, everyone goes through something like this in their
life more than once. And this is where emotional intelligence comes into
play. Emotional intelligence is simply your ability to understand and
manage your emotions to help you lead a stress-free life. A person with
better emotional intelligence lives a far more peaceful and balanced life
than others. On the other hand, rational intelligence, which is your ability to
think critically, has very little to do with the way you handle situations that
involve feelings or emotions, whether your own or someone else’s. So,
work on your emotional intelligence. Observe carefully how you react to
things, what triggers your anger, and what makes you sad. This will take
you one step ahead in your journey of understanding your emotions and
overcoming overthinking.
That said, understanding how your mind functions can only take you so
far. So what next? How to take this knowledge and apply it to make real
changes in your life? That, in fact, is the most interesting part.

Summary
• The voice inside your head is not your true voice.
• Overthinking happens when your mind fools you into believing that
all your irrational thoughts are true.
• When it comes to dealing with your feelings and emotions,
emotional intelligence is far more important than rational
intelligence.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Do you ever hear a voice in your head, instructing you?
2. How well do you trust that voice?
3. Who do you think is producing that noise?
4. If you close your eyes and listen to your thoughts now, can you
differentiate between your mind and your soul?
5. Has your mind ever fooled you into believing something that is not
true?

Make a change
Here is some more practice to help you learn how to differentiate between
the voices of your mind and your soul.
For this, I would ask you to close your eyes and sit in a quiet place.
Now listen to the voice inside your head and answer the following
questions:
1. What is this voice saying?
2. Is it trying to talk about the past, the future, or the present?
3. Is it in some way trying to warn or prepare me?
4. Is this voice addressing me as ‘I’ or ‘you’? For example, ‘I did that
yesterday’ as opposed to ‘You did that yesterday’.
 As you answer these questions, you will probably get an idea as to who
does most of the talking in your head. Most of the time (unless you
regularly practise meditation), it is your mind. Answer to question 4 is
particularly important here, because the mind usually refers to you as you,
while the soul refers to you as I. Moreover, the mind’s voice usually never
talks about the present and mostly keeps warning you about something in
the past or the future.
If it’s your mind’s voice you usually hear, then you must know by now
that it’s all false. Your true voice comes from your soul, and in the next part
we will learn how to find that voice.
Now that you have established that your mind is not your true voice,
every time you start feeling overwhelmed by the noise in your head, say the
following words to yourself multiple times:
I am not this mind. I am this soul.
Merely reminding yourself of this fact is going to make you feel a lot
better.
 Active Space
 

 
PART TWO
The Solution
 3
The Happiness Mantra

Taking the first step

Some lessons have to be experienced before they
can be understood.

Michael Batnick,

an American investor
She wept uncontrollably huddled in a corner of her room, wondering what
she had done wrong. A voice inside her tried to tell her that, despite
everything, she was going to be fine, but she couldn’t stand the pain she
was feeling. In this world of fast romance, she believed in true love, a love
that had failed her. She had just broken up with someone who she thought
was the one for her, but the universe had other plans. All the logic in the
world and her rational mind pointed out that this was the best thing that
could have happened to her. But she couldn’t get herself to smile even if she
wanted to. She didn’t know it then, but what lay ahead of her was a glorious
journey of transformation, where she was going to find her true self and fall
in love with her. In that moment, all she could do was cry. Her world
seemed to be ending before her eyes, her will to work on her dreams was
lost, and she found herself in a place of utter helplessness.
This is a story of someone dear to me, and for the sake of her privacy I
will not be disclosing her name. My sole reason to share this story with you
is that you might find it relatable. All of us, whenever we are in a life-
altering situation like this, find ourselves in the same place emotionally. We
start feeling so overwhelmed with emotion that we tend to lose touch with
ourselves.

I call such situations life’s defining moments – moments that define

how our life is going to change us for the better. But this also has a
downside, because as we grow older and wiser, more often than not we fall
prey to overthinking.
 Correct me if I am wrong, but for most of us, the habit of worrying
stems from one or more major traumatic experiences from our past.
Children don’t overthink or worry constantly, do they? I bet as a child you
never worried as much you do now. I know that with adulthood come
responsibilities, but they should not necessarily come with a habit of
constant overthinking. So, at some point in your life, something must have
happened that ingrained a habit of overthinking or constant worrying in
you. And when events like this keep repeating themselves in your life, you
are never able to stop overthinking.
You may be going through a traumatic experience right now, or may
have in the past. The cold truth is that it may not be your last, and there is
no better time than now to prepare yourself for the future.

“MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE THAT SHAKE

YOU TO YOUR CORE BUT MAKE YOU
BOUNCE BACK EVEN HIGHER ARE THE
DEFINING MOMENTS THAT WILL SHAPE
YOUR FUTURE.”

Next, I share the Happiness Mantra that helps me deal with difficult
situations, and by that way helps me keep my overthinking in check.

FEEL TO HEAL
The first step to stopping yourself from falling into the deep spiral of
overthinking is to let yourself feel the pain. Feel the hurt that you are
feeling; cry or talk to a friend – do whatever it takes to let yourself feel it.
Acknowledging what’s going on inside you and not silencing it by
overindulging in distractions is the game changer.
 For it to start healing, your body needs to know what’s going inside
your head. ‘Feel the pain, don’t fight it.’ Write this mantra down and stick it
on a wall so that you never miss a chance to heal through the pain.
Then again, I understand that this is easier said than done, because it is a
natural human response to avoid feeling your feelings and instead fall for
harmful coping mechanisms that help you escape your feelings. Binge-
watching, overeating, oversleeping, playing video games, and so on used to
be my own way to avoid confronting my feelings. But now I know, these
activities only gave me temporary solace by distracting my mind; in the
long run, they were nothing but obstacles on my path to healing.

“FEEL WHATS HURTING YOU, AND HEALING WILL

FOLLOW”
I learned this the hard way, and I want better for you. I want to make sure
you are not delaying your healing by falling for mindless distractions,
because that is only going to increase your pain. The only way out is by
going through the pain and feeling it.

BECOME AWARE
Now, how do you do it? How do you feel the pain? One simple way is this:
Whenever that bout of sadness comes to you and the urge of overindulging
and distracting yourself tries to overpower you, just try to become aware.
Become aware that you are feeling sad, angry, or hurt. This may be difficult
to do at first but, trust me, it gets easier each time. If you do this one thing,
nothing can stop you from becoming a happier person. This technique has
helped me so much that I can’t even begin to explain. Even if it helps you
become aware of your pain just one out of twenty times, consider it a big
win.
Some cues that might help you know that you’re not allowing yourself
to feel your pain or anger are nail-biting, irritable behaviour, or simply
having an urge to overindulge.

OBSERVE
After you have become aware of your feelings, try and observe your
thoughts as they come and go. Don’t judge them, don’t label them – just let
them come and go. Observing your thoughts will give you a better
understanding of your thought process and the things and situations that
have the potential to hurt you. Say, you’re feeling sad about failing a test. In
this case, your thoughts might be like:
‘How did I fail my test! I feel terrible!’
‘I won’t ever be able to score better again.’
‘They were right about me … I am a failure.’
As you observe these thoughts, try not to label them as bad, negative or
hurtful. Just let them come and go, because the moment you start to label
and analyse them, they will start to repeat themselves. So just be a silent
observer.
Another important thing to keep in mind during this process is to never
fight or oppose your negative thoughts and emotions. It’s going to be your
instinct to fight these thoughts to put yourself out of your misery, but that
will only push you further down the pit. I will be explaining this key
concept in the forthcoming chapters, but for now, let’s try not to fight our
thoughts, okay?
This is what I call the Happiness Mantra. To bring yourself to a happier
place, you must force yourself to feel the pain. And to get rid of your
negative thoughts and emotions for good, you must resist the urge to fight
them. If you can master this, you will find yourself way ahead on the path
to a happier life.
Coming back to my friend and her life’s defining moment, it is what I
recall as the worst time of her life, but, as clichéd as it may sound, it was
also a time when her emotional growth was exponential. It was amazing to
see her realise that the reason why she was feeling so deeply hurt was that
she had always felt the need for external validation to be happy. The
moment she started loving herself, she didn’t need someone else to walk her
through the difficult times of her life. She realised how truly wonderful she
was and what she was worth, and this did wonders for her self-esteem.
Today, she is the most vibrant and confident version of herself.
How you manage your emotional health in tough times is what defines
and shapes your personality. And if you follow the happiness mantra I have
shared in this chapter, you will grow leaps and bounds in those very
moments.
I have met a lot of people who boast of their indifference to such
defining moments, calling it emotional maturity on their part. I tend to
differ on this matter because, first, letting yourself feel your pain is far more
courageous than being indifferent to it or undermining it. And second,
emotional agility is not something you are born with; it’s something you
develop during those defining moments in your life.
With all this set and done, have you ever wondered why is it that some
incidents affect us more deeply than others? In other words, why do only
some events become the defining moments of our life and others don’t? The
answer to this question is coming up, and it’s going to blow your mind.

Summary
• Behind every overthinking habit is a traumatic event that triggered
the habit.
• Healing begins when you learn to let yourself feel the pain.
• Don’t let yourself adapt to any harmful coping mechanisms. It only
pushes you away from your healing path.
• Try to become aware whenever you are having negative thoughts.
• Be an observer of your thoughts without labelling or fighting them.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Have you ever experienced a major defining moment in your life? If
yes, what was it?
2. What do you think is the major cause of your worries currently?
3. When something bad happens in your life, do you look for ways to
distract yourself from the pain?
4. List down three things that you tend to do when feeling sad or hurt.
5. What will you do differently when handling a hurtful situation in the
future?

Make a change
The only way to even begin the process to feel your pain is by not giving in
to any harmful coping mechanisms. And to achieve that, you must take
baby steps.
1. Whenever a big, emotionally overwhelming event happens in your
life, start by making yourself feel comfortable and relaxed,
surrounded by the people you love.
 2. Allow yourself to do anything that makes you happy, but remember
not to overindulge.
3. Each day set aside a few minutes to think about what’s hurting you.
Let all the negative thoughts come and go, and then return to your
comfort zone.
These steps will help ease your pain and at the same time keep you from
overindulging in harmful coping mechanisms by keeping you connected to
what’s hurting you.
 4
The 80/20 Rule

Looking for your pain point?

What seems crazy to you might make sense to
me.

– Morgan Housel,

The Psychology of Money

I have a vivid childhood memory of being humiliated by one of my
teachers in front of the entire class. I was around ten years old. The teacher
was infuriated that I hadn’t done my homework – a reaction I had expected
– but instead of scolding or punishing me, she went on to humiliate me. I
was ‘dumb’, she said, and that I would never achieve anything in life and
end up a failure. To date, I clearly remember the entire scene … where I
stood, where the teacher sat, even which classroom it was.
My teacher may never have realised this, but to rip a child of her
confidence and self-esteem so that she starts looking at herself as a failure
does so much more damage than what sees the eye. As I grew older and
started to look for reasons behind my self-esteem issues, I realised that it
was this particular incident that had shred my self-worth to bits and was the
reason behind most of my self-esteem issues, issues that I could resolve
only later in my life when I had something to show for my intellect.
No matter how much I’ve grown as a person or how self-assured I’ve
become, the fear of failure that was instilled in that little girl still comes
back to me sometimes. My logical mind tries to fend it off, yet somehow
my emotions manage to overpower me, the same emotions that make me
human.
On that note, have you ever thought about what makes us humans the
most evolved creatures on earth? Science tells us that through the ages, our
unwanted traits gradually became dormant and the traits that helped us to
survive and grow on earth evolved with us. This process has been going on
since the ice ages, and it is what makes humans the most advanced species
on the planet.
So what exactly makes us different? The answer is ‘emotional
development’. While other species also experience emotions, the maximum
emotional development and emotional maturity is found in humans. Now
that makes me wonder: If this trait is inherent in us, why do we spend most
of our adult life bossed over by our emotions and feelings? Our emotional
maturity should help us sail through the tough times, right!
Well, yes, in an ideal world it should. But we don’t live in an ideal
world. Most of us don’t know how to deal with our feelings and emotions.
No one tells us that most of our problems would go away if only we could
understand and process our emotions, or that our emotions should not be
holding us back.
Understanding your emotions is the first step towards emotional
freedom. Let’s begin understanding your emotions and finding your pain
point with a simple question. Have you ever wondered why is it that some
problems or setbacks give you so much grief and push you into the habit of
worrying while others don’t? To that you might say, ’Well, that’s simply
because some problems impact me or my life more than others!’ Right. But
the real question here is, why is that? How is it that a problem that might
look trivial to someone else can turn your life upside down? Well, that’s the
beautiful complexity of human nature and the emotions it produces.

THE 80/20 RULE

The answer to this complexity is quite simple, and it is called the 80/20
rule. The 80/20 rule was proposed in 1897 by the Italian economist Vilfredo
Pareto. To describe the distribution of land in England, he stated that 80 per
cent of the land was owned by 20 per cent of the population. This came to
be known as the 80/20 rule, or the Pareto Principle, and since then it has
been applied in many other fields, including Business and Psychology.
But how does this apply to overthinking? Well, simply put, 80 per cent
of your worries are caused by 20 per cent of your problems, and the other
20 per cent come from 80 per cent of your problems.

“MUCH OF YOUR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

COMES FROM ONLY A FEW OF YOUR
PROBLEMS.”

Applying the 80/20 rule to your problems could better your

understanding as to why you react the way you do in certain situations. You
will find that most of your emotional distress comes from only a small
number of problems. One explanation for this, of course, is that some
problems are bigger and so have a greater impact on us than others. But
think about it and you will find that even among those ‘big’ problems, only
some have the ability to turn your inner world on its head.
To that end, our individuality and our uniqueness play a big role in
defining what affects us and what doesn’t. Finding your 20 per cent (the
problems that give you most pain) and recognising the patterns that push
you into the downward spiral of worry is a big step towards self-awareness
and emotional evolution.

But how to identify this 20 per cent? Two major factors, I have learned,
must be considered when defining your 20 per cent.

1. Your factor of importance

As we go through life, certain things or problems become our ‘factors of
importance’. We tend to identify and distinguish ourselves from others
based on these factors. I first came across this concept in the bestselling
book How to Win Friends and Influence People by the late author Dale
Carnegie. In his book, Carnegie writes of a ‘feeling of importance’ – a basic
human desire to feel important and to be liked and appreciated by others.
This desire to be valued drives a majority of our decisions and actions.
As I further explored this notion, I figured that this feeling of
importance is linked to certain factors or personal attributes that we hold
dear, which led me to coin the term ‘factors of importance’. For some this
factor could be their physical appearance, for others their intellect or
academic achievements, for yet others their hard work or ethics. For some
of us it could be our financial status, or a need to be liked by others. What I
have come to realise is that everybody has a factor of importance, and when
that factor is threatened, we tend to lose our bearings. The fear of losing the
one thing that distinguishes us or places us ahead of others gets to us and
pushes us into a cycle of overthinking and worry. This, then, goes on to
become our 20 per cent problem.
Let me share an example of this from my own life. For a few years, my
intellect and my academic achievements were my factors of importance,
and if they were threatened in any way (for example, if someone else were
to supersede me in my academic standing, or if I couldn’t perform my best
in a test), I would flip out, get defensive and act in the most unpredictable
way possible. This has changed now, but at that time it really was a big
troublemaker in my life.
Try to identify your own factor of importance, and you will be able to
get a lot of answers about yourself.

2. Childhood trauma
In childhood, whatever is told to us or happens around us gets rooted deep
in our psyche and shapes the way we think about ourselves. Whatever
words are said to us, whether they are empowering or damaging, we start
believing them to be true (as I did with my teacher’s words). And these are
the same things that build our self-image as adults.

“THE EMOTIONAL PATTERNS YOU FACE

TODAY CLOSELY RESEMBLE SIMILAR
INCIDENTS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD.”

These words could have been spoken by your parent, an older sibling, a
teacher, or a close relative. For example, one or both of your parents might
have made you feel like a disappointment for not being a high achiever, and
that might have stayed with you forever. So now whenever you find
yourself in a similar situation, the hurt returns, sending you down the spiral
of worry.
 Now that you have understood the 80/20 rule, the natural next step is to
use this information and try to find your 20 percent and move from there.
You will be surprised to learn how so many of your bad days are triggered
by either a threat to your factor of importance or a painful memory from
childhood. Once you have learned to identify these factors or triggers, the
next step is to learn to see the true magnitude of these problems – most of
them are not as big as they seem!
My ten-year-old self didn’t know how to do this. She didn’t know that
not everybody in this world is here to support you and help you. After that
incident with my teacher, I started looking at myself as a failure, a below-
average student with no potential. I started looking at my peers like they
were all better than me at everything. As I grew up, my self-image
improved a little, but that touch of not being good enough was still there. It
was only when I cleared my medical entrance exam and got selected for
MBBS that my self-esteem really took flight. For the first time in my life, I
felt worthy of something (though now I know that one’s true sense of worth
comes from the inside – outer achievements just hasten the process).
Building your self-image is a step-by-step process that takes time, and I
would advise you not to rush it. Keep reminding yourself how wonderful
you are – not because of your achievements but because you are a good
human being – and that your ‘flaws’ only make you more unique and
connected to your true self.
My self-esteem still takes a dive sometimes, but each time that happens,
I try and remind myself that right now I am the best version of myself and
all my flaws complete me, that I am going through my growth process and
this phase of self-doubt will go away.
When I was writing this chapter, I realised that reading it was going to
be somewhat heartbreaking for you. It urges you to face your true fears, and
doing that is going to break you a little. But we must break, to grow into
something bigger. Take this as a sign of growth and pinch yourself as you
enter this new phase of your journey of self-awareness.
Learning why you are the way you are or why you react to things a
certain way can be unnerving, but it’s extremely helpful when it comes to
letting go of your fears. And this journey is going to be even more beautiful
once you realise that the peace you seek is already inside you – you just
don’t yet have the right tools to tap into it. Everything that you desire lies
inside of you, and once you realise this, nothing can stop you from
becoming your best and happiest self.

Summary
• The 80/20 rule: 80 per cent of your worries are caused by 20 per
cent of your problems, and the other 20 per cent of your worries
come from 80 percent of your problems.
• Finding the 20 per cent that causes 80 per cent of your worries is
key, and there are two ways to do it: finding your factor of
importance and digging into your childhood trauma.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. What does the 80/20 rule mean to you?
2. How will you apply this rule in your life to control your
overthinking or worrying?

Make a change
Answer the following questions to find your factor of importance:
1. What would you say is your number one strength?
2. What is the one thing that your closest friends say you are good at?
3. What is the one quality or value you possess that your peers
appreciate in you?
4. What is the one thing that comes naturally to you, with little effort?
5. What is the one thing about you that you are proud of?
See a pattern or similarity in your answers? That is most likely your
factor of importance.
Answer the following questions to identify a significant trauma from
your childhood:
1. What is the one incident that you vividly remember from your
childhood that makes you sad?
2. Have you ever been undermined by a parent, relative, teacher, or
friend? If yes, how does thinking about that incident make you feel
now?
 The answers to these questions will be sufficient to piece together a
traumatic childhood experience that could be affecting you subconsciously.
If you are a lucky one who doesn’t have a traumatic childhood memory
(and I secretly hope you don’t), your factor of importance will guide you
further.
Once this process is complete, it’s important to keep correlating your
current problems with these discoveries you have made about yourself. It
will help you to better understand and manage your emotions.
 5
A Love Story

How self-love can transform your happiness

When you learn to accept fear, you cease making
a catastrophe of it. Then it ceases to be your
master.

— Nathaniel Branden,

late writer and psychotherapist

What do you think that eight-year-old me (who I talked about in the
Introduction) had that I probably lost as I grew up? Something tells me that
it was maybe the way I looked at myself.
I was in my second year at college and the college fest was around the
corner. Now let me disclose here that I have always felt insecure about not
being a good dancer or performer, mostly because that’s what all the cool
kids around me were doing growing up. So this particular year, my desire to
be the cool kid for once and to perform on stage led me to sign up for the
fashion and talent show. This show was my safest choice, because it
somewhat aligned with my natural interests. It had three rounds: a show of
one’s dress-up skills, which I knew I would ace, a cultural performance, and
a talent show. Those selected would then go to the final Q & A round. I was
most scared about the talent round. I remember spending days if not weeks
looking for something to perform. I wrote a poem and thought of doing a
dramatic performance of that. I thought of doing magic tricks (something I
loved doing as a child). And again, to be like the cool kids I even started
practising a dance routine. But none of it clicked. One day, as I was trying
to figure out what to perform and what my strengths were, I suddenly
remembered that a lot of people say that my expressions are quite vivid and
intense. This sparked the idea for a monologue where I would play the
mother of the rape victim Nirbhaya. This in a way made me feel like I had
chosen myself over others and what I wanted to do over what was expected
of me. When I tell this story to people, I get a sense that they don’t see it as
that big a deal. But for me it was a huge deal and will always be, because it
was the first time in my life that I did something so incredibly out of my
comfort zone, something that none of the cool kids were doing, and that
made me feel so much more like myself.
Now, why am I telling you this story? Well, whenever I find myself in a
difficult situation, I remind myself of that time when I performed a
powerful monologue on stage and got a standing ovation from the audience.
And every time I do that, I feel like I can do whatever I want by just
accepting who I am and loving myself for who I am. Because, as we have
learned, all our battles are first won in the mind.
 However, the real question here should be, why is it so difficult for us to
love ourselves?

WHY DON’T YOU LOVE YOURSELF?

Well, if you are an overthinker, it’s safe to assume that you surely don’t love
yourself enough. Sure, certain reflexes in your body do work in your favour
to protect you from physical harm, but on the emotional side, no, you don’t
love yourself enough.
An emptiness inside that I couldn’t describe, a missing piece, a never-
ending search for meaning and happiness in the outside world – this is how
I used to feel when I didn’t know what self-love was. Once I learned to love
myself, I realised that everything that I needed to thrive in this world –
happiness, peace, fulfilment and meaning – all of it had always been inside
me since the day I was born. Naturally then, I was mistaken to try and seek
them outside, in material things and other people.

“WE OFTEN TRY TO FILL THE VOIDS IN OUR

LIFE BY SEEKING EXTERNAL VALIDATION.”

This might sound absurd to you at first, but trust me, merely
acknowledging the fact that you already have everything that you need to
be happy can be a game changer for you.
Don’t you want to tap into that infinite happiness that lives inside you?
Don’t you want to live a worry-free life? Of course, you do! Next, we are
going to learn just why self-love is so important, how it can help with your
overthinking and worrying, and how you can begin your journey towards
self-love.

PARTING WAYS WITH SELF-CRITICISM

As I remember, the most difficult step in my journey of self-healing was
overcoming my habit of self-criticism. This self-criticism can feel like a
constant noise in your head, questioning your decisions and choices on a
daily basis. Not only that, it also makes you feel guilty about making those
decisions.
As it happens, the decisions we take when we are at a low point in our
life are not always our best decisions. Because, as discussed, when a
defining event happens in our life, we tend to take refuge in harmful coping
mechanisms. As important as it is to put an end to this behaviour, self-
criticism pushes us further away from doing that. For example, if you stay
in bed and binge-watch web series from dusk to dawn, your self-critic will
get active and start blaming you for this decision. What I have learned is,
once you have given in to a harmful coping mechanism, blaming yourself
for it only does more harm than good. The first step, then, is to accept
things as they are.
Accept that you are not in your best mental state right now. Accept that
you have found your escape in a harmful coping mechanism. Accept that
this is all a part of your healing journey. Say to yourself: ‘I know I binge-
watched today, but this is a part of my healing process and I will try my best
not to do it tomorrow.’
Acceptance, you see, has immense power. The moment you accept what
you have done wrong, your self-critic turns into a self-motivator. How so?
Because the moment you accept your deeds, your focus shifts from blaming
yourself for your choices to making sure you don’t repeat them in the
future. Do this and you will experience an improvement in your inner peace
and happiness in the first try itself.
It can be your acceptance of the fact that you are hurting, or that you
have developed some harmful habits, or that you are not your happiest self
on some days, or that you are not being productive. Accepting and loving
yourself as you are will, in time, relieve you from the all the self-conflict
and hence the pain.
Self-love is part of a cycle that begins with how we react when we have
done something wrong. The first reaction is usually self-criticism. That, as
discussed earlier, is our first response to any action of ours that we feel is
not up to the mark. From here you need to transition into the next phase,
which is self-acceptance. You will feel a lot more peaceful and happier
when you accept yourself the way you are. This acceptance then finally
leads to self-love, the purest form of love there is.
THE FIRST STEP TO SELF-LOVE
Now that we have understood just how powerful self-love and acceptance
can be, a natural question that comes to mind is how to start this journey?
How to start loving yourself? The simple answer is: the same way you love
your parents or sibling or friends. That’s it! Love yourself exactly how you
love the most important people in your life. Every time you start being
harsh on yourself, ask yourself, ‘How would I react if my best friend were
in the same situation? Would I blame her for everything or would I be there
for her and be kind to her?’ Doing this each time you find yourself being
overly self-critical is the first step to self-love.

“START LOVING YOURSELF LIKE YOU LOVE

YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR PET, AND YOU
WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE.”

THE ‘IT’S OKAY’ FORMULA

Another way to start on your path to self-love is what I call the ‘It’s okay
formula’. It is an extension of self-acceptance. Each time you feel like you
are not being your best self or not making progress in your fight with
overthinking, say out loud to yourself, ‘It’s okay!’, and then make yourself
believe that everything is going to be okay. Remember the phrase ‘All is
well’ from the film 3 Idiots? ‘It’s okay’ works the same way. It calms you
down and makes it a little easier for you to accept reality. Once you can
accept what’s real, you can take your first steps towards change.
 Say to yourself, ‘It’s okay if am not my best self right now, for life is
full of ups and downs’ and ‘It’s okay if my journey towards self-healing is
taking more time than expected.’
Acceptance is key.

When I look back to the days when I was practising for my monologue,
I realise that there was never a single moment when I felt like I was trying
to be like someone else. The self-doubt that I’d had all my life kind of went
away for a while. Maybe it was the excitement of having my lifelong desire
to perform finally fulfilled, or because I tried to accept my flaws and
worked on my strengths for the first time. Whatever the reason, this
performance was one of the biggest life-changing events for me, because
just a simple act of believing in myself and accepting myself helped me win
the ‘Miss Connexus’ title that year, something that increased my confidence
by leaps and bounds.
If you relate to this story even a little bit, it is a sign for you to start
accepting yourself in every which way possible. It is a sign for you to find
that voice inside you that will lead you towards a life without self-doubt.

SELF-LOVE VS SELF-CARE
Before we move on, one thing you must understand is that self-love is
different from self-care. It’s easy to misunderstand self-care as self-love
when you are just starting out. Self-care can look like eating your comfort
food, lots of screentime, sleeping until noon, or playing video games. But it
is not self-love. And while I advocate doing all of these things if they relax
you or give you comfort, you should also introspect about why you tend to
choose these activities in the first place. This will help you understand why
you feel the way you do and to accept those feelings as they are – because
that’s what self-love is all about.
These basics on handling your problems are a must-do in the initial
phase when you have just been hit by a big problem or, in other words, a
defining moment. But how to handle the effects these problems have on
you, which is what majorly leads to overthinking and worry? The answer to
this is next.

Summary
• Self-criticism is one of the main reasons behind your worry
problems.
• Learning to accept yourself the way you are is key to a worry-free
life.
• In the path to self-love, only acceptance can lead to real change.
• Start loving yourself by
1. Treating yourself the way you treat your friends or pets.
2. Telling yourself ‘it’s okay’ whenever something bad happens.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Is there a voice inside your head that keeps blaming you or
questioning your decisions?
2. What is that one incident that you remember vividly when that noise
overpowered you?
3. What do you say to yourself or how do you react when you make a
wrong decision or mess something up?
4. What would you say to a friend if they were ever in the same
situation?
5. Would you say you love yourself?

Make a change
Find your true voice by saying these affirmations to yourself in the mirror
each morning:
1. ‘You are amazing at whatever you do.’
2. ‘You are getting closer each day to the kind of person you want to
become.’
3. ‘You don’t have to prove your worth, you are already a star.’
4. ‘You are a kind and compassionate person.’
5. ‘I love you unconditionally.’
These work! When I say these words to myself, my entire outlook for
the day changes. Try it for yourself.
 6
A Happier Life

How to manage the day-to-day highs and lows

In a conflict between your heart and brain,
always follow your heart.

— Swami Vivekananda
When I look back at my life, my heart feels so full. I have achieved
almost everything I wanted since I was a kid. I got myself into my dream
college, I am starting to come out of my shell and be less of an introvert, I
have managed to find some truly wonderful people as my friends, and I
have even started taking care of myself by eating healthy and exercising.
But none of this happened in the blink of an eye. I remember all my
highs and lows, all the nights I spent crying into my pillow, all the days I
failed despite working hard. Those were hard days, and now that they are
gone I should be happy, right? But somehow happiness still eludes me, and
because of that I constantly find myself under this immense pressure to
always be happy. I find nothing in my life to be sad about, but at the same
time I find it difficult to be happy and chirpy all the time. A part of me
believes that this is because material things don’t bring happiness, and a
part of me blames it on overthinking.
What I have come to understand is that the more you try to be happy,
the more you are going to think about it and the more difficult it’s going to
get. Even when you have achieved everything in your life, there are still
going to be some highs and lows. But the lows don’t mean that you are not
happy – they are just a part of your happy life.

Here’s how it works: Happiness is infinite and is present inside of you,

but as life can be on some days, your inner happiness is inevitably going to
get masked by a temporary bad mood. This does not at all mean that you
are not happy any more, only that you are currently not able to experience
happiness. A bad mood or worrying comes from something that is outside
of you, so it is temporary. True happiness is inside you and it’s permanent.

“HAPPINESS IS INFINITE AND EVER

PRESENT INSIDE YOU.”

Some days you are going to feel high on life and full of energy, other
days not so much. It’s inevitable, so you should try and stop fighting it. The
problem starts when you get fixated on the idea that happiness is a
permanent state of good mood and confuse it with the excitement and spike
of energy that come with achieving something. So, then, when a temporary
bad day does happen, you start to feel like you’ve lost your happiness and
you lose all control not being able to salvage it.
Your goal should be to get the most out of a bad day and decrease
worrying as much as you can. Not sure how to do that? That’s exactly what
comes next.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Over the last two years, I have developed and adopted some rituals or habits
that usually help me get out of a bad mood and the overthinking trap and
help set the tone for my day. I have shared them below so that you can
adopt some of them for the bad days in your life.
1. Write your heart out: This has to be one of the most effective
techniques that has helped me so much along the way. All it takes is
to take a blank paper or your diary and start writing all the thoughts
that come to your mind as you’re overthinking. You can discard the
writing later if you want, but you must at every cost write
everything honestly. Keep writing until you feel all your thoughts
are poured out. This is so effective that you are going to feel an
instant lift in your mood and energy levels.
2. Talk: Talking, to me, is therapy. The instant you become aware that
you are losing control over your thoughts, go talk to a friend. Tell
them everything that’s occupying your mind. Note that the point of
 this activity is not to get advice (which is a bonus) but to clear your
head.
3. Break a sweat: As clichéd as it may sound, it works! Just try doing
a little bit of cardio or yoga, just enough to get your heart rate up for
a little while. Let the endorphins do their magic. Whenever I find
myself in a bad mood, no matter how busy I am, I try to get my
heart rate up for at least fifteen minutes and that does the trick.
4. Just dance: This is my favourite! On days when you’re feeling a
little blue, turn on your favourite music and just dance like nobody’s
watching. This has worked wonders for me. If you are not
comfortable dancing, turn on some upbeat music and you will
instantly feel better.
5. Colour therapy: On days when the voice inside your head is too
unbearable, try some basic therapeutic colouring. It is a powerful
way to relax your mind and reduce the noise in your head. I have
tried it once or twice and it has been highly effective.
6. Find a hobby: Finding a hobby is like finding a release for all those
negative thoughts and pent-up energy messing with your peace of
mind. Find something you liked doing as a child but have somehow
lost touch with over the years. It could be dancing, singing or
playing an instrument. For me it was writing. I write all my thoughts
out as poems, and it works magically for me.
7. Take a walk: This is often underrated, but it’s an unbeatable way to
clear your head. Give it a try and you will feel better instantly.
 This whole pressure of being happy all the time is something a lot of
people experience. Even after realising that happiness is inside us, this
pressure doesn’t go away. Maybe it’s because we have started taking life
too seriously, and so there is this urgent need to be happy all the time.
Maybe it’s social media, where everyone looks so happy that we start
feeling left out. But that feeling of excitement that we confuse with
happiness is a moving target – the more we chase it, the farther it gets. The
moment you stop thinking about it too much and learn to take life one day
at a time, this pressure of being happy and living a happy life is going to go
away, trust me!

“START LIVING LIFE ONE MOMENT AT A

TIME AND SEE THE MAGIC HAPPEN.”

Remember that your goal here is to free your mind of the pressure to be
happy. Your life’s defining moment, or the major incident that hurt you, is
in the past. You have done the self-introspection, figured out your pain
points, and done all the inner work that had to be done. Now your focus
should be on putting an end to this constant pressure of happiness. That
said, the idea here is not to distract yourself by overindulging, but to relax
and get yourself out of this cycle of worry.
On my path of seeking happiness, I have thought a lot about what
exactly the root cause of worrying could be, and how to find the voice that
comes from our very core and leads us to the path of awakening. How to
connect with the divine voice inside us? Let’s find out.

Summary
• Happiness is always present inside you, though it can sometimes get
masked by a temporary bad mood.
• Some rituals that could help you get through a bad day:
1. Write your heart out
2. Talk
3. Break a sweat
4. Just dance
5. Colour therapy
6. Find a hobby
 7. Take a walk
• Remember, the goal is to engage in relaxing activities and not take
refuge in harmful coping mechanisms.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Are there days when you don’t feel like doing anything and tend to
overthink a lot?
2. Do you ever feel that you have to make an effort to stay happy?
3. Do you ever find yourself under pressure to be happy?
4. How effective would you say are the rituals or habits mentioned in
this chapter?
5. From here on what techniques are you going to adopt to get through
a tough day?

Make a change
On days when you feel low and unhappy and tend to overthink, take action
to feel better:
1. Write down everything that is coming to your mind.
2. Start your day right with at least fifteen minutes of exercise.
3. Put on some music while getting ready for the day.
4. Pick up an old hobby or just try colouring therapy to relax your
mind.
5. Take a walk in the evening to clear your head.

What I have just described is a potent recipe for turning a bad day into a
good day simply by adding a few rituals.
 7
Digging Deeper

Getting out of your head and into your life

For many people, their fears and attachments are
very often just symptoms of deeper issues for
which they do not have any better way to cope.

– Brianna Wiest,

The Mountain is You

I find myself in a friendly neighbourhood, running as fast as I can from
someone I can’t seem to see. I keep running but this apparition keeps
getting closer and closer, and just as it tries to catch me, I somehow get hold
of a balloon and fly away.
Utterly terrified and out of breath, I wake up sweating.
I used to have this dream every other night until a while ago. Now, I am
no specialist, but I have spent copious amounts of time analysing this dream
and what it could mean. Dreams are up to interpretation, so why not
interpret life lessons from them, right! I know for a fact that our
subconscious thoughts come to us as dreams.
I started having this dream in the latter half of 2020, and it went on for a
good eight to nine months. In my understanding, this dream depicts my
inherent ability to get away from overthinking and negative thoughts, and
from old habits that have kept me from being in my best state of mind. It
tells me that, however hard it may be, eventually I do manage to get out of
the worry trap.
To my wonderment, it was around the same time that I first came across
the concept of ‘being in the present’. Over some time, I have come to
believe that the root cause of all our harmful overthinking is that we keep
ourselves wound up either in the past, brooding over all the bad things that
have happened to us, or in the future, agonising over what could go wrong.
In all this, we forget that we belong not in the past, nor in the future, but in
the present. Staying in the present and living every moment as it comes is
the key to happiness.
Be in the present. You may have heard these words before, but have you
ever considered their true meaning and purpose? Well, the meaning is
simple: present means the present moment, the very moment you are in.
Right now, you are reading this book, this is your present. Obvious, right!
The real question is, what is the purpose here? Why must we strive to be
in the present moment?
We often tend to go about life without being fully aware of what we are
doing in the present moment. Say, for example, you are eating breakfast and
thinking about a trip you plan to take next week, or you are walking to the
market but thinking about what you will do when you get back. Now, don’t
get me wrong, this mental multitasking is normal, even important up to an
extent, but the problem starts when you are never present in the present
moment and start losing touch with what’s happening around you.
Here are some tell-tale signs that you have lost touch with the present:

You don’t feel the smell or texture of the food you are eating.
You don’t notice the colour of the sky when outside.
You often miss out on conversations with your friends.
You miss out on how truly beautiful your life is.

In essence, you tend to miss out on what matters. This then leads to
more overthinking and more worrying, because all you do all day, every
day is stay inside your head, fretting over what happened in the past or what
the future may bring.
The moment you decide to get out of your head and be in the present,
you will lose most of your worries, simply because your senses will be busy
experiencing the present moment. For example, when you decide to be
attentive to your food and its flavours and textures, when you choose to
enjoy every mouthful and derive joy out of your meal, you have nothing to
worry about, because in that moment all that is happening is the food going
into your mouth and you relishing the experience and not thinking about the
past or the future.

But this, as I discovered, takes practice.

HABITS THAT HELP ME STAY IN THE PRESENT

After I realised the importance of being in the present, the bigger challenge
was getting myself out of my head and into the present. I had to constantly
remind myself of the same. Over the years, it got easier as I developed
some habits that helped me to stay in the present. Here they are:
1. No social media first thing in the morning: The most obvious yet
the most impactful change I’ve made in my life is giving up the
habit of scrolling through social media first thing in the morning.
This gives my mind the fresh start that it needs so desperately. Try it
for just a week to begin with, and then keep adjusting and scaling
until it becomes a habit. Take a few quiet moments for yourself,
drink some water, go out for a walk, and just let yourself be in the
moment.
2. Look around: Now this one has done wonders for me. Whenever
you are going from one place to another, just walking alone, try and
look at the trees and the sky or even the architecture around you.
What shape are the clouds today? What colour are the buildings
around you? How tall or short are they? Just by paying attention to
your surroundings, however mundane you might find them, you get
connected with the present.
3. Count your steps: This is a very effective technique, where you
make it a habit to count the steps when going up or down the stairs
or when walking around your campus or workplace. It takes your
focus away from nagging thoughts and helps reduce overthinking.
4. Block time: This is for times when you feel that you might not be
able to get over your negative thoughts if you don’t process them.
To do this, block a few minutes each day when you will let all
negative thoughts of the day come and go – kind of like an outlet for
all your negative emotions of the day.

So these were some things that have helped me cultivate the habit of
being in the present. I will not say it has been easy. I have had my fair share
of moments when I felt helpless or frustrated about not being able to bring
myself to the present, but it has gotten easier with time. The key here is to
realise that this particular strategy is vital to ending your worry habit once
and for all.
 “GET OUTSIDE YOUR HEAD AND INTO THE
MOMENT.”

Not only that, once you learn to be in the present moment, you will
begin to connect with your true voice, the one that comes from your heart.
The voice that tells you that you are bigger than everything that is making
you anxious – that voice is your calling, that voice will take you towards
your true path and purpose, and that voice is the real you.

Moving ahead, it is vital to know how to reinvent your life and do

everything in your capacity to get rid of the habit of overthinking. Next, you
will learn how to develop all areas of your life holistically and welcome the
new you.

Summary
• Staying in the present and enjoying every moment is the key to
happiness.
• Some habits that will help you stay in the present:
1. No social media first thing in the morning
2. Look around
3. Count your steps
4. Block time to process negative thoughts
 • Being in the present will help you connect with your true voice.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Have you ever felt that you are not able to stay in the present?
2. If yes, did you come to this realisation on your own or did someone
else point it out? What changes have you tried to make in your life
since this realisation?
3. Do people ever say to you that you look lost most of the time?
4. Do you have a habit of watching TV or scrolling through your
phone while eating?
5. Do you consider yourself a person who stays in the present? If not,
why?

Make a change
Start training yourself to be always mindful and in the moment by adopting
these few habits that I have already discussed in detail:
1. Take charge of your morning by not using social media for at least
thirty minutes after waking up.
2. Try to actively engage in conversations with your friends.
3. Look around and be present while you walk.
4. Count the stairs when walking up and down.
5. Stop watching TV while eating.
Start with one or two habits and find the ones that work best for you.
Keep doing those things until you subconsciously start staying in the
present, most of the time.
 Active Space
 

 
PART THREE
Looking Beyond
 8
The Hero Formula

Becoming the main character in your life’s story

If I was going to be an anomaly, I was going to be
the shiniest damn anomaly around.

– Priyanka Chopra Jonas,

Unfinished: A Memoir
In the entire span of my college life, I always felt like I didn’t naturally fit
in among the others. This may have been because of my prejudices, but
more than that, I felt like it was a place where my natural talents were not
able to show. So I spent my initial years trying to make space for myself in
this place, be like others, and fit in with my peers. Yet, no matter how hard I
tried, it always felt like I was chasing something imaginary that I was never
really able to get a hold of. It seemed like I was moving, yet I was in the
same place.
Does your life sometimes feel like it’s passing you by, as if it were on
autopilot? Have you ever felt that you are acting as a sidekick in your own
story? If the answer to any of these questions is a yes, I might have an
explanation for you.

HERO OR SIDEKICK?
All our lives we are trained to play by the rules and norms of society, and
this can cause us to lose our individuality. For those of us susceptible to
overthinking or worrying, this type of social conditioning can lead to even
more stress and a constant need to fit in. As a result, we spend all of our
time trying to feel accepted, usually by being someone we’re not.
Why do we do this? Why do we give up on our individuality to appease
others? To say it point-blank, it is because we fear, mistakenly, that the
moment we start living life on our own terms, we are going to face criticism
from all and sundry. Does that ring a bell?
It’s a fact that most, if not all, of us want to be accepted in society,
which is all right to an extent. The problem begins when we start losing our
sense of self to win people’s approval.
So, what then? How to stop this thought process? Well, I am going to
tell you something that I know to be true from my own experience. It may
not sound right to you as you read it, but I’m sure it will start making sense
before you are done with this chapter.
Here it goes:
The moment you decide to become the main character in your life’s
story and to live life on your terms is the moment you will begin to lose
your worries and become your happiest self.
 ‘Well, if that’s the truth, why is it so hard?’ you might ask. ‘If I just
stopped being the sidekick in my story, I’ll be happy, right?’
As it happens, it’s not that simple, and there are two reasons for that.
1. First, being comfortable in your skin requires a substantial change in
your mindset, and we humans hate change. We are not trained to
achieve our most happy state by changing ourselves, but to achieve
our most familiar or most comfortable state by letting things be as
they are. We are programmed to take the easier route. Naturally,
then, we tend to put off being ourselves just to avoid rocking our
boat.
2. The second and the more important factor is, obviously, ‘What will
people say?’ We’ve all grown up hearing these words, and by the
time it’s time for us to face the real world, this thought is so deeply
imprinted in our minds that it precedes all our decisions and actions.
In my learning, the only way to overcome this thought process is to
understand that true happiness and freedom come only when you take
charge of your life. Those other people that you worry about are mere
sidekicks who should not have the power to influence, let alone direct, your
story.
Trust me, the moment you stop caring about other people’s opinion of
you, you will have control of your life, and when you taste the freedom that
comes with being the hero of your own life, your worries will start to fade
away. On this path you may not always measure up to society’s
expectations, but that’s okay – it’s the only way to find what makes you
unique and different from others.
 “THERE IS ONLY ONE YOU, AND ONLY YOU
CAN BE THE BEST YOU.”

For a really long time, I suffered from this unconscious need to fit in
with my peers at college. Yet I always felt like, no matter how hard I tried,
it would never happen. And that wrecked my self-confidence. I shut myself
out from everybody and every activity. I made myself believe that I was not
good enough. It took me so long to realise that the reasons why I thought I
would never be able to blend in were the very things that set me apart from
everyone else.
One of the biggest catalysts to this change in my thought process was a
book I was reading at the time: Unfinished, a memoir by Priyanka Chopra
Jonas where she describes herself as an anomaly, but in a good way. She
recounts how she used to get bullied in high school and how that affected
her self-esteem, but eventually she turned her anomalies into her strengths
and has been unstoppable ever since.
I too have reached a stage in my life, where I know that what makes me
different is not my weakness but my strength. What’s the point of trying to
be like everyone else if you can be yourself and live out your destiny?
This whole process of self-discovery is remarkably helpful in managing
the habit of worrying, because when you try to live life on your terms, you
are led by the true voice of your soul. And the sooner you start listening to
your true voice, the noise inside your head will die down, as will the
negative thoughts and overthinking.
 As important as it is for us to become the main character in our story, a
hero could never survive without emotional support. All of us need
emotional support in our lives, and for that we have to build and nurture
relationships. Strong and empowering relationships are vital for a happier
life.

Summary
• To lose your worries, start becoming the main character in your own
story.
• Allow yourself to change the way you think, and train your mind to
stop caring about what other people think about you.
• Stop trying to sabotage your self-confidence by trying to fit in
everywhere.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. What role do you feel you play in your life, that of a hero or a
sidekick?
2. Do you ever fear judgement from others before trying something
different?
3. Do you ever feel that the only way to live peacefully and get ahead
in life is by fitting in?
4. Do you fear change because it might worsen your overthinking
habit?
5. Are you happy with the way you are living your life? Are your
decisions really your own?

Make a change
At this stage of the book, I present you with something that has helped
immensely with my self-confidence. I like to call it the Hero Formula.

The Hero Formula

This is a technique that has helped me come a long way in self-discovery.
To become the main character of your own story, imagine that a movie
is being made about your life. Every day when you wake up, imagine that
you are in this movie and you are the hero. Now ask yourself the following
questions:
1. What would a hero do when they are feeling low?
2. Would a hero let the opinions of a side character affect their story?
3. Would a hero give up on their ideas and values just to fit in with
society?
4. What are my real strengths as a hero?
5. How do I want my life journey and story to look like?
You are free to add questions or statements that make more sense to you
and start with them.
 9
A Friend in Need…

Building empowering relationships

Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple
effect, enhancing the success of people around
them.

– Adam M Grant, Give and Take:

A Revolutionary Approach to Success

Did you know that you are the average of five people with whom you
spend most of your time? Consciously or not, these people have an
enormous influence on your thought process.
I don’t know about you, but when I first came to know about this theory
and wrote down names of the top five people I spend my time with, I was
stunned. You will be doing the same later in this chapter, and I will show
you just how you can turn your thought process around simply by choosing
who gets to be around you.
Keeping yourself surrounded with empowering relationships is the key
to bettering your mental health. If you have people in your life who push
you forward and support you no matter what, who can understand your
vision and encourage you to go for it no matter what, you have hit the
jackpot. And while it may sound daunting to have to find your true allies, it
is just the opposite – you just have to set yourself free of all the prejudices
you may have towards people and let true friendships enter your life.
If you desire true happiness, you must experience true friendship –
nothing in the world competes with that. Yet, as important as it is to build
new relationships, the real reasons for our unhappiness lie mostly in the
past, in unresolved fights, in falling out with a loved one, and so on. So, the
only and only way that you could ever possibly achieve the highest state of
happiness is by going ahead and patching up those wounds. Let’s begin
with that first.

MENDING PAST RELATIONSHIPS

A critical aspect of relationships that affects our mental health and peace are
the unresolved conflicts of the past that tend to stay in our subconscious and
haunt us. Have you ever felt like your mood is low for no reason? You try
really hard but you are not able to put a finger on it. In all probability, it’s
something from your past that needs your attention. Sometimes a trigger in
your present might renew those buried emotions, and you will find it
difficult to forge new friendships if you have such emotional baggage
weighing you down.
So, the first step before you even start to build new relationships is to
resolve all the issues in your past friendships. On that same note, it is vital
to resolve all the differences you might have with your parents or blood
relatives. This is important, because we humans thrive on relationships. All
of us, no matter how tough we are, need emotionally fulfilling relationships
in our lives. Any conflict with the people we hold dear tends to shake our
very core – that’s how we are built. Our relationships keep us energised, so
when these relationships hit a rough patch, we experience a dip in our mood
and energy.
So, before you start looking for new, fulfilling relationships, try and
mend the ones you already have. You may not be able to fix them all, but
it’s definitely worth a try, don’t you think!

HOW TO FIND TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Here is what you should do: Start by trying to find just one person who you
resonate with, who shares your ideals and values, and who is kind at heart.
‘A fascinating idea, but it doesn’t sound practical,’ you might say. Well,
that’s not entirely true. You can indeed find true friendship, but it’s easier to
find your people if you first know who you truly are.
To attract and nurture true friendship, you first have to be true to your
own values and beliefs. Say, for example, you believe in kindness and feel
that this world would be a better place with kindness, but even you find it
hard to be kind in certain situations. Somewhere, this means that you are
not being completely true to your own values. Once you learn to practise
what you say or believe, you will attract like-minded people in your life.
 “TO FIND TRUE FRIENDSHIP, YOU MUST
FIRST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.”

The other way of looking at this is through the law of the universe: You
get back the same energy that you give out to the universe. If you want
love, give out love. If you want kindness, be kind. If you want acceptance,
stop judging people. For me, this has been by far the most effective
technique to attract positive relationships in my life and eventually find true
peace and better mental health.
Now, as an extension to being true to your values and beliefs, you
should also be your most authentic self possible. There is only one you, and
only you can be the best you! When you start being your true self and stop
pretending to be someone else, you will attract people who value you for
you, nothing less, nothing more. And this works two ways – with you being
yourself, the people around you also feel comfortable in their skin. The
vicious circle of pretence breaks at that point, making way for real,
authentic relationships that will bring the positive energy that you so need
in your life.

WEEDING OUT NEGATIVITY

Resolving relationship issues and forging new friendships is vital, as we
have established, but there are certain people and relationships that can do
us more harm than good. How do we recognise those relationships?
Well, the most effective way to spot such a relationship is by observing
how you feel around that person. Do you feel drained? Pressured? Always
on your toes? Constantly needing acceptance? Judged? Mocked?
Discouraged? If the answer to any of these is a yes, you should not be
spending your time or energy on that relationship. See, the relationships that
are genuinely empowering don’t feel tough or forced; we take to them
naturally, as if we were always supposed to be. A good relationship won’t
drain your energy but enhance it. And you will never feel judged by that
person, because they will support your authentic self.
Don’t settle for anything less than that.
All of this comes right from my heart, because in my life I have
encountered all sorts of fake relationships. I used to be a very shy kid, and I
still consider myself an introverted person. Growing up, I rarely shared
interests with other children my age and sort of liked being left alone. I
would spend a lot of time daydreaming about absolutely anything. It was
my favourite pastime. I had only one or two close friends because I knew
that anything more would be too much for me.
From quite an early age, I felt like there was this whole world inside of
me made up of my thoughts, and if someone could get inside my head, they
would know how wonderful that world was. So naturally, I spent a lot of
time imagining. In school I made a few good friends, who are my absolute
best friends to this day, yet I never felt that I could fully fit in. College was
different – it was this grand new world with so many new people and
opportunities. In the first year I again felt a little lost, but now that I was
older and, well, a bit wiser, I tried to stay true to who I was – an introverted
person with a knack for deep conversations. This attracted similar people
into my life, some truly kind and compassionate people that I would never
have found if I had tried to fit into this new world. Building these
empowering relationships gave me the confidence and the self-esteem that
again put me on the path of finding myself and my voice, and here I am
writing this book – one of my wildest dreams coming true.
All things considered, I believe that the relationship you have with
yourself is the one that matters in the end. The nurturing relationships in
your life can only push you towards the path of self-discovery and infinite
peace, but the moment you start feeling comfortable in your own being is
when you will achieve the highest form of self-peace and joy.
In sum, your relationships with others can only be as good as the
relationship you have with yourself. Whatever and however you feel about
yourself, you project on to others. So doing the internal work comes before
everything.
 After coming all this way, having understood your negative emotions
and the reasons why you overthink and learning the different rituals and
techniques to decrease your negative thoughts, you are almost ready to live
your new, worry-free life. The one thing that connects all this knowledge
together is its practical application in your daily life, and that forms the
concluding chapter of this book.

Summary
• Building empowering friendships begins with being true to your
own values and beliefs.
• Give out the same energy that you want from the universe.
• To move forward in life, resolve all the past conflicts that you might
have with family or friends.
• To attract authentic people into your life, start with being your
authentic self.
• Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Do you have someone in your life who genuinely supports you and
pushes you forward? If yes, who is that person?
2. What are your top three values or beliefs? On a scale of 1 to 10, how
true do you stay to your values in your day-to-day life? (1= rarely;
10 = always)
3. What values do you seek in a friend? Do you project these values
yourself?
4. Describe your true authentic self. Would you say you are always
your authentic self? If not, why?
5. Do you have an unresolved conflict with someone close to you?
Have you tried to resolve it? If not, why?
6. Were you ever in a relationship that drained you emotionally? How
did it make you feel?
7. How do you talk to yourself, with compassion or with criticism?
8. How are you going to build a better relationship with yourself?
Make a change
The top five people we spend most of our time with are the ones that shape
our thoughts. Their outlook on life becomes ours, and so does their thought
process.
This book is all about enhancing your thought process to beat the habit
of overthinking. But that is only possible once your thought process is free
of outside influences. Let’s see how to do that.
First, let’s define your goal. In this case it would be achieving happiness
or decreasing overthinking, or whatever you want to have as your goal.
My ultimate goal is:
Now, in the table below write down names of the people you spend
most of your time with.
Surprised?!
Next, mention your relationship with each person, followed by their
usual thought process and the effect it has on you.

Now that the picture is clear in front of you, mark the people who have
a negative effect on your thought process and try to stop spending time with
them. If that’s not possible, cut down your time with them and you will
notice a change in your thoughts. Keep renewing this list and keep adding
people to it who genuinely support you, inspire you, and have a positive
effect on your thought process.
 10
High on Happiness

Achieving your dreams without losing your sanity

Every pain gives a lesson, and every lesson
changes a person.

—Dr APJ Abdul Kalam

Under this big blue sky and lush green trees,
I stand here, in nothing but distress.
Oh, how beautiful is this world around me,
Yet I am having trouble finding beauty inside of me.
This beautiful world asks me why I have become such a mess.
Oh God! I don’t know! Will I ever find true happiness?
I wrote these lines in the winter of 2020, when I was going through a
particularly low phase. When I read them now, I realise how little I knew
back then. Not that any of my feelings at that time were wrong – they were
absolutely genuine – but now I know that I carry infinite happiness inside of
me, and so a few dark days don’t mean that all my happiness is lost.
But this takes time. So take your time to grow, and never second-guess
your growth and healing process.
Now that you have come to the end of this book and developed an
understanding of how to decrease overthinking, what next?
In the end, what do we all need from life? Peace? Happiness? Success?
All three, I believe. Everyone has dreams in life, you must have them too.
But for those of us who worry a lot, achieving those dreams can get a little
difficult. So is there a single trick by which you can stop worrying and stay
happy forever? Is there a way to change your mindset to achieve anything
you want?
Well, the answer to this question is fascinating, because while it is
possible to achieve a better mindset, there is more than one way to do it.
Throughout my college life and after, I have kept a journal where I write my
thoughts, the ways of thinking that have worked for me to achieve my
goals, and some learnings from other people and books that have proven to
be a game changer for me.
Towards the end of this book I have shared some templates from my
journal that you can use to better your thinking process and hence your
approach to life.
Next, I discuss some key concepts that have made a world of difference
in my understanding of happiness.
THE ART OF STANDING OUT
A poem I read as a teen that has always stayed with me is ‘The Road not
Taken’ by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves, no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This poem can be interpreted in many ways, but here is what I learned
from it: Taking the path that’s not taken by many can make all the
difference in what we do with our lives.
As I have said before, we tend to spend our whole life trying to fit in,
but the real peace comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Being
yourself automatically makes you stand out. Referring back to Ms Jonas’s
memoir, ‘If I was going to be an anomaly, I was going to be the shiniest
damn anomaly around.’ To be extraordinary, you must let go of the urge to
fit in.
EVERYDAY MASTERY
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Everyday mastery is simply the act of looking at your everyday work as
a piece of art. Go through each day with this beautiful mindset. Put your
heart and soul into whatever you do. Treat your life as a work of art, a fine
creation that’s yours to appreciate and cherish, a gift that you are lucky to
have received. This will send a subconscious signal to your brain that you
value your life, and most of your problems will start to look solvable.
To make your life peaceful and get closer to your goals, act as an
Everyday Master. Master your life and your work so beautifully that you
feel like you are living your best life. That is where your true peace lies.
Robin Sharma, author of the bestselling book The monk who sold his
Ferrari, calls this the ‘Everyday Hero’ method. People who make their
ordinary lives extraordinary just by their actions and their passion for work
– they are the actual heroes.

FAILING LIKE A WINNER

Have you ever wondered why you make mistakes or fail? Your obvious
answer may be that you fail because you don’t know any better. While that
may be a plausible answer, according to me the one big reason you fail at
anything is because you tried it in the first place! You let that crazy idea of
even attempting to do something different inside your head. To me you
became a hero in that very moment, because not everyone takes that risk!
 Failure only means that you are one step closer and one step better
equipped towards your goal – this mindset will help you become more
resilient in life and make you capable of handling setbacks. Start wearing
your failures like an armour and see the magic happen.
The actor Akshay Kumar once said in an interview that there came a
time in his life when he had a string of flops, yet the one thing that
distinguished him from others was how he looked at failure: After each flop
he would show up at work the next day with the same dedication and a
smile on his face. He knew that his failures were nothing but stepping
stones towards ultimate success.

MINIMALISM
Minimalism, according to the Cambridge dictionary, means ‘a style in art,
design, and theatre that uses the smallest range of materials and colours
possible, and only very simple shapes or forms’. An extension of this is the
minimalist lifestyle, which I discovered a while ago. The concept
essentially means living with fewer possessions, because when we have
fewer material things, our head also becomes clear.
Now I am not saying that you should give up all your material desires
and start living with the bare minimum. All I am asking is that you clear out
all the extra stuff you own, everything that is taking up space in your life
but doesn’t serve a purpose. As the clutter outside decreases, so will the
clutter inside your head – and I say this from experience. When I applied
this concept to my own surroundings, I instantly felt as if a massive weight
had been lifted off me.
The bestselling author Marie Kondo describes this concept in her book
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering
and Organising. The book includes some excellent techniques to declutter
life and live peacefully.

THE MENTAL HEALTH MANTRA

I think I may have deciphered the perfect mental health mantra: Every day,
you must do one thing each for your Mind, Body and Soul. Doing
something for your mind can be reading a book, learning a new skill,
working on your side hustle, basically anything that gives you a sense of
direction and purpose. Doing something for your body could mean
practising yoga, exercising, dancing, or anything that gets your heart rate up
and releases endorphins. And finally, something for your soul – it can be a
walk in the park, playing with your pet, listening to your favourite songs, or
anything that makes you fall in love with your life and makes you smile.

Doing this will make you happy and fulfilled with life. I know this first-
hand because I have struggled with overthinking for almost two years, and
there were days I would practically beg the universe to just take my pain
away and make me happy again. No matter how hard I tried, I was not able
to be happy. Now I know, it was because I wasn’t doing the internal work
that was required of me to feel that happiness. By internal work I mean
doing soulful activities. Even after months of getting my overthinking in
control, happiness seemed to elude me. After a while I realised that this was
mainly because I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to be happy. The
more I forced myself, the more I suffered. The day I decided to accept life
as it was, started doing things that fed my soul, and set myself free was the
day I experienced true happiness.

“HAPPINESS IS EFFORTLESS, SIMPLE AND

INFINITE”

In the end, I believe, everything comes down to who you are and not
what you achieve. To achieve or do anything in life, you should first be able
to start being in that mindset. Set yourself free, start believing that you,
have the strength to overcome everything that comes in your way and that
day won’t be far when you do become happy. Ultimately, it all depends on
your mindset. It’s time to take charge of your mind and actions and not the
other way around. It’s time you realised that your mind is fooling you into
worrying and overthinking. It’s time you started believing that there is
infinite happiness inside you. It is time … to start being you!

Summary
• If you truly want to achieve your dreams, give up the habit of
worrying.
• Standing out by being yourself will give you immense peace.
• Give your hundred per cent to your work each day to be an everyday
master.
• Failing only means that you are one step closer to your goals, so
embrace your failures.
• When the clutter outside you decreases, the clutter in your head will
dissipate too.
• Every day, do one thing each for your mind, body and soul, and that
is the key to unleashing true happiness from within.

Look inside
Answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1. Do you ever feel afraid to stand out and find your own way in life?
2. Do you love what you do and treat your work as a piece of art?
3. How do you respond to failures in life? Do you lose hope or do you
use the experience as fuel for your next attempt?
4. Do you generally have a minimalist lifestyle?
5. Going ahead, what would you do differently to achieve better
mental health?

Make a change
This entire chapter revolved around how to get yourself in the right mindset
to achieve your goals without disrupting your mental health.
So along those lines, I present to you the BE - DO - HAVE formula,
which will help you cultivate the right mindset to achieve everything that
you want from your life.
 BE: The first step is to imagine yourself as the person you want to be.
Imagine that you have achieved the milestone you wanted to achieve.
DO: Next, put yourself to work and do whatever you need to get there.
HAVE: By following the above two steps, you will without a doubt
achieve your goal.
Kickstart your BE - DO - HAVE process with the affirmations in the
template given below.
 Active Space
 

 
 Thought Journal

This is what I call the perfect ending, to this book and to your worries. It’s
time to use everything you have learned so far about handling negative
emotions to become the happiest person you know. Use the template on the
next page to start experiencing how liberating it is to get out of the cycle of
worry.
 Vision Board

This is a free space for you to draw or paste pictures of things, places and
people that fit your definition of happiness. Come back to it each time you
feel lost.
 Final words

That brave eight-year-old came back to me when I regained my

confidence and performed a solo monologue in my college fest. The
experience was both liberating and delightful, and not only because I won
the competition this time – it was in this moment I realised that I could do
whatever I wanted in my life.
Finding true happiness is a stepping stone to building self-esteem, and
from what I know, self-esteem is the key to fulfilling all your material and
non-material desires. At this stage of the book, I am confident that you have
become a happier person than you were before, and I am elated and grateful
for having been a part of this journey.
Now put this book aside for a few days and try to apply the principles
and techniques I have shared with you. Come back to it every few weeks to
guarantee yourself a happier life.
That said, we don’t have to part ways so soon. If you ever feel the need
to reconnect, to ask a question or to simply share an experience, feel free to
hit me up at vasudhakapoor98@gmail.com. Besides that, you can visit
www.vasudhakapoor.com to read my blog posts, articles and free eBooks
on mental health, mindfulness and self-love.
This is Vasudha Kapoor, signing off.
 Acknowledgements

This book wouldn’t even have come to exist if it weren’t for the
unbelievably kind and loving people I am blessed with.
Thank you, Mumma, for always being my pillar of strength and my
constant cheerleader through the process of writing this book and in my life.
Thank you, Papa, for always believing that I am meant for bigger
things, especially on the days I did not.
Thank you, Mugdha (Mitthu), for being my sister, my teacher, my alpha
reader and my inspiration throughout this process.
Thank you, Nani, for always being a loving grandmother and a spiritual
guide to me.
Ishika, my best friend, thank you for always pushing me to my greatest
limits and helping me make this dream a reality.
Thank you, Vishruti, my childhood friend, for understanding my vision
and helping me with the artwork and illustrations.
A big thank-you to my batch of 2016, who helped me become what I
am today, and to my college, Dr Rajendra Prasad Government Medical
College, the place where all my dreams came true.
 About the author

Dr. Vasudha Kapoor is an MBBS graduate and a mental peace enthusiast.

Having struggled with overthinking for two years, Vasudha has developed a
keen interest in psychology. She has written articles and blog posts on
facing up to one’s mental health issues and unleashing true happiness.
@mindset.miracles
vasudhakapoor98@gmail.com
www.vasudhakapoor.com