180364963_CreolisingLondon

by Biba Dolores Stern

Submission date: 26-May-2020 02:35PM (UTC+0100)

Submission ID: 129148155
File name: 180364963_CreolisingLondon.docx (33.77K)
Word count: 4488
Character count: 24480
the

exclusionary

good use of
Gilroy here

Good use of
Bentley here
 This is a very long paragraph: break it
up a bit more to highlight your points
more clearly.
Good

paragraph break

Excellent

Arguably,

7
defuse

9
 are

wow, great
quote from
Gilroy here

good
defuses

good connection
between
language and
setting here

good
 12

13

14
Great
stuff!

Yes, excellent point

second-generation

15
good historical
detail

Excellent use of Bhabha here! Well done-- this was a difficult

passage to unpack.

good quote

yes, great
observation

Irie
good comment

17 needs a paragraph
break

18

's
Yes, excellent remarks here. Perhaps you could expand on these a
little bit more, but this shows a great understanding of Smith's work
and its relationship to the Black-British canon.
 Really wonderful analysis: I like the nuanced focus on sex and masculinity in your
discussion of the Caribbean community in London, and it's a lovely tie-in with the

calypso form.

on
 20

Can you say

more about how
race intersects
with class in
this passage?

Perhaps you could reprise your discussion of Bhabha briefly here,

to remind the reader.
 Yes, very good
point

Great
stuff!

22

great comment
on history here!

Yes, excellent connection between the

novels
Perhaps you could unpack this quote more fully? Bentley seems to
be making a lot of assumptions about readerships here... one might
disagree with his viewpoint
 23

24

writes
Great
stuff!
 Is this a journal article? If so, you need to
include the title of the journal and the
issue/volume number in which the article
appears.

27

Page numbers
missing
Add name of publisher
180364963_CreolisingLondon
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

80
This is a truly excellent essay. The focus of the essay is
highly original-- the exploration of Black British identity
in Selvon's The Housing Lark and Smith's White Teeth-
- and the introduction offers an excellent discussion of
Black British identity in relationship to literature, making

/0
very good use of Gilroy and Bentley to make your
points. The analysis of the texts is fantastic; what
particularly stands out is your ability to weave together
an organic argument that comprises both texts and
offers a series of relevant and illuminating comparisons
between them. I also very much liked the comments on
how the two texts differ in their representations of racial
inequality and the characters' negotiation with their own
identity vis-a-vis an exclusionary white public. You
rightly remark that though things have changed in
Smith's representation, racism and exclusion still
persist, and you demonstrate this through apt close
readings and commentary. The essay really showcases
your impressive abilities at textual analysis, while it
also demonstrates that you have a clear understanding
of relevant critical debates by Hall, Moss, Bhabha and
others. You mobilize theory lightly but very effectively
to underscore your points, and you let the texts
demonstrate these points persuasively. Also excellent
is the way you show that Selvon and Smith are in
dialogue with, and writing back to, a canonical literary
tradition in English. You show how this writing back
parallels the move to deconstruct British identity and re-
imagine a black British identity. This is skilfully and
persuasively done. The essay demonstrates an
excellent understanding of the cultural concepts being
addressed here. Moreover, the extended commentary
on calypso works very well, and you convincingly show
how it forms an integral part of Selvon's narrative
approach to migration and its accompanying politics in
the text. Excellent stuff on creole language in Selvon
too.

At times your paragraphs are a bit too long, which can

detract from the clarity and force of the points you are
making. There were a couple of points that I felt
merited further discussion, though I can understand
that this may have been due to the lack of word count
to discuss them. The bibliography needs some
 attention. Please make sure to follow MLA8 guidelines
to produce the Works Cited. Do not include URLs of
journal articles that are otherwise available via JStor or
MLA: only include URLs for exclusively online material,
e.g. newspaper articles or blog posts. Include page
range if you are citing a chapter within an edited
collection or a journal article.

This is really impressive work on the whole. In order to

further improve your work, and thinking ahead to the
dissertation, focus on the following:

1) shorten your paragraphs

2) fully develop each point you wish to make

3) follow MLA8 guidelines for the Works Cited.

PAGE 1

PAGE 2

Text Comment. the

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. exclusionary

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. good use of Gilroy here

Comment 3
how are you using the word authentic here? I'd be wary of using this word in relationship to a literary
representation, especially a fictional one, which by definition is invented and is the product of an
author's artistic imagination. Selvon's work doesn't really aspire to authenticity in any way...

Text Comment. Good use of Bentley here

Strikethrough.

PAGE 3
 Text Comment. This is a very long paragraph: break it up a bit more to highlight your points
more clearly.

Text Comment. Good

Text Comment. paragraph break

Comment 5
Great stuff!

Text Comment. Excellent

Text Comment. Arguably,

Comment 6
Or perhaps a better word here is "canonical"?

Comment 7
Second-generation, if her mother is Jamaican?

Text Comment. defuse

Strikethrough.

Comment 9
Perhaps develop this point more fully?

PAGE 4

Text Comment. are

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. wow, great quote from Gilroy here

Text Comment. good

Text Comment. defuses

 Strikethrough.

Text Comment. good connection between language and setting here

Text Comment. good

PAGE 5

Comment 12
Great!

Comment 13
Can you expand more fully on this "inclusive idea" of Englishness?

Comment 14
Good

PAGE 6

QM Great stuff!
Great stuff!

Text Comment. Yes, excellent point

Text Comment. second-generation

Comment 15
Good

PAGE 7

Text Comment. good historical detail

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. Excellent use of Bhabha here! Well done-- this was a difficult passage to
unpack.

Text Comment. good quote

 Text Comment. yes, great observation

Text Comment. Irie

PAGE 8

Text Comment. good comment

Comment 17
What do you mean by "counteracts" here?

Text Comment. needs a paragraph break

Comment 18
Great analysis!

Text Comment. 's

PAGE 9

Text Comment. Yes, excellent remarks here. Perhaps you could expand on these a little bit
more, but this shows a great understanding of Smith's work and its relationship to the Black-British
canon.

Strikethrough.

PAGE 10

Text Comment. Really wonderful analysis: I like the nuanced focus on sex and masculinity in
your discussion of the Caribbean community in London, and it's a lovely tie-in with the calypso form.

Text Comment. on

PAGE 11

Comment 20
Nice connections here

Text Comment. Can you say more about how race intersects with class in this passage?
 Text Comment. Perhaps you could reprise your discussion of Bhabha briefly here, to remind
the reader.

PAGE 12

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. Yes, very good point

QM Great stuff!
Great stuff!

Comment 22
Yes, important to point this out

Text Comment. great comment on history here!

Text Comment. Yes, excellent connection between the novels

PAGE 13

Text Comment. Perhaps you could unpack this quote more fully? Bentley seems to be making
a lot of assumptions about readerships here... one might disagree with his viewpoint

PAGE 14

Comment 23
Excellent

Comment 24
Really great comment!

Text Comment. writes

Strikethrough.

PAGE 15

QM Great stuff!
Great stuff!
 Great stuff!

PAGE 16

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. Is this a journal article? If so, you need to include the title of the journal and the
issue/volume number in which the article appears.

Comment 27
Do not add the URL to journal articles-- only to exclusively online resources such as newspaper
articles or blog posts.

Text Comment. Page numbers missing

PAGE 17

Text Comment. Add name of publisher

Strikethrough.