A CHILD OF DIVORCE FEARS FOR HER OWN MARRIAGE:

A PERSONAL NARRATIVE

A THESIS

Presented to the Department of Social Work

California State University, Long Beach

In Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements for the Degree

Master of Social Work

By Krista Vo

B.A., 1999, California State University, Long Beach

May 2008
 UMI Number: 1455199

INFORMATION TO USERS

The quality of this reproduction is dependent upon the quality of the copy
submitted. Broken or indistinct print, colored or poor quality illustrations and
photographs, print bleed-through, substandard margins, and improper
alignment can adversely affect reproduction.
In the unlikely event that the author did not send a complete manuscript
and there are missing pages, these will be noted. Also, if unauthorized
copyright material had to be removed, a note will indicate the deletion.

UMI
UMI Microform 1455199
Copyright 2008 by ProQuest LLC.
All rights reserved. This microform edition is protected against
unauthorized copying under Title 17, United States Code.

ProQuest LLC
789 E. Eisenhower Parkway
PO Box 1346
Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346
 ABSTRACT

A CHILD OF DIVORCE FEARS FOR HER OWN MARRIAGE:

A PERSONAL NARRATIVE

By

Krista Vo

May 2008

The purpose of this project was to explore in narrative format the impact of

parental divorce. Approaching her own marriage, the writer examined the increased

risk factors for divorce, fear of intimacy, and deficits in communication. A thorough

literature review will examine the effects of divorce on children and adolescents,

cohabitation, the benefits of a healthy marriage, and intergenerational divorce. The

writer's implications for social work practice are also discussed.

 WE, THE UNDERSIGNED MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE,

HAVE APPROVED THIS THESIS

A CHILD OF DIVORCE FEARS FOR HER OWN MARRIAGE:

A PERSONAL NARRATIVE

By

Krista Vo

COMMITTEE MEMBERS

•A&uisK-
Han Jimenez, Ph.D^Chair) Social Work

<trSft^ K < ^ 4 < ^

Ruth Chambers, Ph.D Social Work

Catherine Goodman, Ph.D. Social Work

ACCEPTED AND APPROVED ON BEHALF OF THE UNIVERSITY

>W~^L—,
John Oliver, Ph.D.
Director, Department of Social Work

California State University, Long Beach

May 2008
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

There is a small cheer squad of social workers that I would like to thank for

inspiring me to join the profession. They are: Noel Burcelis, Julie O'Donnell, Ralph

Hurtado, Marisol Zobler, Cheryl Kono, Liz Jimenez, and Rene Castro. Thank you for

setting me on this path and thereby changing my life. Thank you to the following

outstanding professors and faculty in the Department of Social Work: Jillian Jimenez,

Cheryl Lee, and Kirsten Muster. Your guidance and encouragement made all the

difference.

To my mother who is still the strongest woman I know, I admire you and thank

you for your unconditional love. To my sis, Megan, who keeps my spirits up like no

other. Thank you.

And to my husband Tuan, with your support I was able to meet my goals, but with

your love I am able to dream. I am reminded of a quote by Simone Signoret that captures

the promise of marriage: "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds

of tiny threads which sew people together through the years."

iii
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS iii

CHAPTER

1. INTRODUCTION 1

Problem Statement 1
Purpose Statement 3

Social Work Relevance 3

2. LITERATURE REVIEW 5

The Effect of Divorce on Children and Adolescents 6

The Frequency of Cohabitation Among Adult Children of Divorce 9
The Benefits of a Healthy Marriage 10
Intergenerational Divorce 12
Creating a Narrative Model 14
Narrative Review 16
Narrative Review: Narrative One 16
Narrative Review: Narrative Two 18
Narrative Review: Narrative Three 20
Narrative Review: Narrative Four 21
Narrative Review: Narrative Five 22
Narrative Review: Narrative Six 24
3. METHODOLOGY 26

Narrative Project Format 26

Relevance of the Narrative Form 27
Social Work and Narrative 28

4. NARRATIVE 30

Just Last Night We Were a Family 30

Getting "Divorced" 31
My Stepfather, Almost 32
iv
CHAPTER Page

Back and Forth, Back and Forth 34

Love and Marriage 35
Dating 36
California, Here I Come, Right Back Where I Started From 37
Independence 38
Tuan 39
Becoming a Social Worker 40
Getting Help 42
Getting Married 43

5. DISCUSSION 46

Literature Review Discussion 46

The Power of Narrative 48

REFERENCES 50

v
 CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

Problem Statement

The impact of divorce on children while they are still young has been widely

researched among child development specialists, psychologists, social workers and other

health professionals. Far less attention and a smaller amount of research has been

conducted with those children when they become adults and are dating, cohabitating or

considering marriage. Adults, who as children or teenagers experienced the breakup of

their family due to divorce, may be at risk for divorce in their own marriages

(Wallerstein, 2005; Wolfinger, 2000, 2003). Researchers have long cautioned that in the

United States "fifty percent of first time marriages will end in divorce" (Wolfinger, 2003,

p. 338), but these statistics seldom differentiate between couples who came from intact

families and those that did not. It is a worthwhile topic to examine in the field of social

work if this group is entering the marriage already at-risk.

While it is in the interest of social work professionals to provide a variety of

programs and systems of support to single parent families, the purpose of this research is

to examine the specific act of divorce. There are numerous reasons for single parent

families but divorce impacts the development of relationships most. Parental death, for

instance, generally has fewer negative effects on the marital behavior of children than

does divorce (Wolfinger, 2003). What becomes staggeringly clear is that if children of

1
divorce enter marriage already at a disadvantage and with higher chances of divorce, then

their children may be affected the same way and an intergenerational culture of divorce is

established (Risch, Riley, & Lawler, 2003).

If children of divorce believe marriage to be less appealing and are fearful of

repeating their parents' experiences, they may be more inclined to cohabitate as a "safe"

alternative (Wolfinger, 2000). According to the U.S. Census of 2000,4.9 million

unmarried couples were cohabitating in the United States, accounting for 4.2% of all

households (U.S. Census, 2003). And while cohabitation has become an increasingly

more acceptable option, parental divorce in cohabitating couples substantially decreases

their chances of marrying each other (Wolfinger, 2003). In fact, cohabitation before

marriage for all types of couples has been shown to predict marital instability over time

(Larson & Holman as cited in Sullivan & Anderson, 2002). The breakdown of

cohabitating families is most concerning when children are involved, as two-fifths of

cohabitating couples have children under the age of 18 in the household (U.S. Census).

In the years to come, it is expected that the collapse of unmarried/cohabitating

partnerships will affect as many children as does divorce (Svarer, 2004).

The good news is that prevention or preparation strategies in couples counseling

and/or education has the highest success in the development of a healthy relationship

(Gottman & Levenson, 2000). The success rates for tertiary or repair interventions in less

impressive (Sullivan & Anderson, 2002) and given that couples in distress seldom seek

marital counseling until on the brink of divorce, the emphasis on prevention by social

work professionals is greatly validated. Unfortunately, there seem to be many barriers to

enrollment in prevention programs. One reason for low participation rates in prevention

2
or preparation strategies is that couples are not yet experiencing distress. In fact quite the

opposite: engaged couples' high levels of relationship satisfaction may prevent them

from being able to perceive themselves as susceptible to marital problems and divorce,

and thus they feel no need for intervention (Sullivan, Pasch, Cornelius, & Cirigliano,

2004). In addition, it can be said that the couples that do not participate may be those that

need the programs the most (Sullivan & Anderson).

Purpose Statement

The purpose of this narrative is to examine my pursuit of a healthy marriage after

being a child of divorce. I will focus on the fear of repeating my parent's mistakes, along

with the tremendous feeling of being unprepared and inadequate when having found a

partner and becoming engaged. Ultimately, after staying engaged for 2 years and doing a

considerable amount of pre-marital education, counseling, and research along with my

fiance, we married this past summer. Of course the story does not end there. While it

was a challenge to agree to marry and come to terms with the risk factors and obstacles

put there by the divorces witnessed while still a child, the real challenge is in staying

married. I will integrate the experience we had in numerous premarital workshops and

counseling sessions in order to demonstrate how we found the skills and the confidence

to walk down the aisle.

Social Work Relevance

The relevance of this narrative in relation to social work is found both in its

examination of a subculture and of an at-risk population: children of divorce as adults in

their own relationships. According to Elizabeth Marquardt, (2005), Vice President of

Family Issues at nonpartisan think tank Institute for American Values, children of divorce

3
live in their own unique culture navigating between their parent's individual worlds and

separate homes. Cultural competency as an ethical standard within the social work field

places great value on the study of culture and self-identity.

In addition, social work as a health science discipline is interested in the pursuit of

healthy lifestyles and early interventions for at-risk populations. It has been suggested

that the act of marriage alone can add four years to a woman's life and seven to a man's.

This is possibly due to the increased monitoring of health symptoms in partners,

increased touch and affection, and emotional satisfaction. On the other hand, marital

stress can be a significant health hazard for both adults and children, can impair parent-

child relationships and decrease work productivity (Hicks, McWey, Benson, & West,

2004). It is not my intention to view children of divorce as having an inevitable path

toward divorce in their own marriages but to provide an understanding of risk factors, to

look at what resources exist to better prepare them for marriage, and to make those

resources more widely known and available through the discipline of social work.

4
 CHAPTER 2

LITERATURE REVIEW

The probability of divorce among Americans has stayed just above the 50

percentile for several years now. We now consider divorce common, as it has permeated

our cultural norms. This is true for the average adult from an intact family as it is for

adult children of divorce. However, as the literature will demonstrate, there are risk

factors that place adult children of divorce at a disadvantage in being able to both enter

into a healthy marriage and sustain that marriage. In order understand what risk factors

both groups face in their marriages, and thus set a baseline, it is necessary to examine the

shift of our societal forces. Judith Wallerstein (1995) will have us view marriage as an

institution acted upon by "centripetal forces pulling inward, and centrifugal forces pulling

outward" (p. 7). She examines how historical centripetal forces of law, religion,

tradition, or parental approval often exceeded factors that would now end a marriage such

as infidelity, abuse, or failed expectations (Wallerstein, 1995). While it is a great

accomplishment of the feminist movement and sexual revolution that women today are

not forced into or pressured to stay in abusive marriages, it is important to recognize how

societal views have shifted so dramatically and what that influence has had on today's

social fabric. The weakening of "centripetal forces" and the increase of "centrifugal"

stressors put on a marriage (commuting, dual careers, and the lure of a different partner,

as well as the ease of divorce) set the baseline of understanding for the nation as a whole

5
in their probability of divorce. Beyond this baseline however, adult children of divorce

(often referred to as ACD throughout the literature) face far greater risk factors of divorce

unique to their experience. Amato and DeBoer (2001) who conducted some of the

largest national studies on divorce, state, "parental divorce is one of the best documented

risk factors for marital dissolution" (2001, p. 1038). The supporting literature on children

of divorce and the risk factors they may face is focused on the effect divorce has on the

emotional development of children, the role of cohabitation, and intergenerational

divorce.

The Effect of Divorce on Children and Adolescents

The argument that divorce is a passing event or an acute crisis in a child's life-

one that the child will pass through as they do other life transitions is a highly disputed

topic among researchers. The frequency of this vein of thought, that children are resilient

and adaptable, that there is a such thing as a "good divorce," is said to have increased as

our attitudes about the permanence of marriage have changed (Wallerstein, 1995).

Marquardt, (2005), in her research, calls this "comfort talk" put forth by legal

professionals, educators, child psychologists and friends often trying to help reduce the

anxieties among contemplating or newly divorced single parents. Even mental health

professionals have clung to the unrealistic notion that if they could establish conditions

such as cooperation between divorced parents, then the children will be protected during

the long years that follow (Wallerstein, 2005).

On the other hand, a great deal of research demonstrates negative effects of

divorce on children. Clinical research demonstrates that children of divorced parents are

three times as likely to be referred for psychological help in the areas of drug use, alcohol

6
abuse, depression, and young sexual activity (Wallerstein, 2005). Many young children

who experience a parental divorce, spend the bulk of their years trying to cope with the

wide range of their parents new relationships, from single parenthood to cohabitation and

remarriage (Wallerstein, 2005). Their losses will be "further compounded by their

parents broken love affairs, second or even third divorces and by several years of

diminished parenting" (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 403) as parental remarriage makes it

possible for children to experience multiple parental divorces (Amato & Sobolewski,

2001). In fact, Teachman (2004) in his research on childhood living arrangements among

children of divorce found that parental divorce with remarriage is associated with the

highest level of odds of having an additional risk factor in the areas of depression,

substance abuse, teen pregnancy. This is perhaps due to the fact that second and third

marriages fail at a rate of approximately 60% and 82% respectively (Nock, 2005).

Research has found the parent-child relationship itself to be fragile. Following

the divorce "parents often find they need the child to fill their own emptiness, to ward off

depression or to give purpose to their lives" (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 405). Additional

clinical findings have pointed to chronic uncertainties in the "post-divorce family" and

the link to persistent anxiety (Wallerstein, 2005). As children witness the aftermath of

their parents' divorce, they often begin to worry about their parents' whereabouts,

wellbeing, and financial security. The findings show that children of divorce grow up

more quickly in divorced families, take more responsibility for themselves and their

siblings and are often more independent thinkers and yet grow up substantially more

insecure that do children of intact families (Wallerstein, 2005).

7
 Apart from the emotional implications a divorce is likely to have for a child, one

study reported significantly less playtime and extracurricular participation in activities

such as music and sports in children of divorce (Wallerstein, 2005). It is suggested this is

due to interruptions in schedules because of visiting and custody arrangements, in

addition to financial strain and less time to transport children to and from activities

(Wallerstein, 2005).

In examining children of divorce during their teenage years, Teachman (2004)

found that two-parent families did better than single parents in their supervision of their

children- and that children subject to lower levels to parental supervision were more

likely to engage in earlier dating and premarital sex. Also, focusing on the teenage

experience, Wolfinger (2003) found that teenagers from divorced families "have

disproportionately high marriage rates, but if they remain single past the age of 20 their

chances of matrimony are below those of their peers from intact families" (p. 339). One

explanation for the higher rates of marriage among teenage children of divorce is that due

to economic hardships a single parent faced, a teenager may view marriage as a way to

escape. On the other side of the age range, adult children of divorce who may postpone

marriage perhaps formed unrealistic expectations about relationships and may "hold

misperceptions about needing a perfect partner to be satisfied" (Conway, Christensen, &

Herlihy, 2003, p. 364). Research demonstrates that as children of divorce approach

adulthood, difficulty with issues of love and marriage and specifically issues of

abandonment, betrayal, and fear come to the surface (Conway et al.).

8
 The Frequency of Cohabitation Among Adult Children of Divorce

Research frequently illustrates that adults raised in divorced families may have

suffered deficits in conflict management skills (Amato & DeBoer, 2001; Wallerstein,

2005). Wallerstein, (2005), in her research conducted over a 25-year period, states that

parental divorce impacts the ability to love and be loved with a lasting, committed

relationship. Christensen and Brooks (2001) found in their research on intimacy issues

among adult children of divorce that they possess an overall lack of trust when it comes

to intimate relationships and marriage. Research suggests that some children of divorce

exhibit "risk-diminishing" strategies such as aversion to marriage ("if you don't marry,

then you don't divorce") or to having children because both would act as barriers or

inhibitors to ending a relationship quickly if desired (Hughes, 2005). In addition, ACD

from especially high-conflict families may learn inappropriate behavior, poor conflict

management skills, and dysfunctional patterns from their parents (Christensen & Brooks).

If some adult children of divorce come into relationships with such deficits in

their interpersonal relationships, they may view cohabitation as a "safe" alternative to

marriage. For reasons that equally impact both adult children from intact families, and

adult children of divorce, the literature suggests that cohabitation with a romantic partner

puts a couple at risk due to their lack of commitment. A couple may perceive the

cohabitation as a "trial marriage" yet at the same time not invest in the necessary marital

discussions such as the division of household chores, child rearing practices and beliefs,

and financial practices. And for those who eventually do marry after having cohabitated,

premarital cohabitation has been consistently viewed as a precursor to marital strife, and

linked to poorer marital quality, lower marital satisfaction, disruption, higher levels of

9
domestic violence, and higher probability of divorce (Amato & Soboleweski, 2001;

Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006; Teachman, 2004). Stanley et al. professors at the

Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, have labeled this

association between premarital cohabitation and poorer marital quality as the

'cohabitation effect' (p. 499). Following cognitive consistency and cognitive dissonance

theory, which suggest that "people are motivated to behave in ways that are consistent

with commitments they have made" they suggest that a lack of perceived security, or

ambiguity in a cohabitating relationship is what enables a partner in tough times to think

"I never really committed to you, anyway" (p. 506). If children of divorce cohabitate at a

much greater rate and are less likely to marry than are people from intact families

(Conway et al., 2003; Wolfinger, 2003;), then concerns arise that the negative outcomes

of cohabitation will affect adult children of divorce disproportionately.

The Benefits of a Healthy Marriage

Consistent with other literature on children of divorce is an emerging body of

empirical research demonstrating the both the health benefits of marriage and how

divorce is viewed as a public health issue. This research interest reaches beyond social

work as many new scholars from various disciplines such as medicine and nursing have

made their contributions. Publications such as The Journal of Family Nursing and

Physiology & Behavior, make such information about the benefits of marriage widely

available by demonstrating how marriage has a powerful effect on both health and illness.

Because marriage is the central relationship for most adults, is has been examined as a

risk factor in determining one's state of wellbeing just as blood pressure, cigarette

smoking, blood lipids, obesity and physical activity would (Robles & Kiecolt-Glaser,

10
2003). Statements such as, "a good marriage is both men's and women's best bet for

living a long and healthy life," and "a married man with heart disease can be expected to

live, on average, 1,400 days longer (nearly 4 years) than an unmarried man with a healthy

heart" were both presented to the 7th annual International Family Nursing Conference

(IFNC) in 2005 (Wright, 2005, p. 346). In addition, such findings as "married people, on

average, enjoy better mental and physical health that the unmarried" and "in contrast to

their married counterparts, non-married women have 50% greater mortality, compared

with 250% for men" (Kiecolt-Glaser & Newton, 2001, p. 472) make the claim that a good

marriage is beneficial to our health.

The effort is not to simply encourage marriage, but to aid in the development of a

healthy, stable marriage among couples. Yet, just as a stable, low conflict marriage has

tremendous protective health benefits, a distressed marriage correlates with deleterious

health. Robles and Kiecolt-Glaser (2003) explain, "marital strain can be viewed as a

repeated, perhaps even chronic, social stressor and as such, in spouses who fail to

physiologically recover following a marital disagreement, or fail to adapt physiologically

to repeated disagreements, chronic activation resulting from continual marital strain may

have negative long-term consequences for health" (p. 414). In addition, ending a

marriage has deleterious health effects given that "divorce is one of most pervasive

personal disruptions in Western culture" (Lorenz, Wickrama, Conger, & Elder, 2006, p.

111). As with other systems that carry potential negative outcomes, whether in

education, corrections, or healthcare, it seems then that again our best efforts with adult

children of divorce must be concentrated in prevention and early intervention.

11
 Intergenerational Divorce

In order to understand the transmission of divorce across generations, we must

first examine the cultural influence the Baby Boomer generation had on society. The

Baby Boomer generation raised the frequency of divorce to an unprecedented level after

the enactment of the Family Law Act of 1969 led to the era of the "no-fault divorce"

(Amato, 1996; Hughes, 2005; Wallerstein, 2005). The Family Law Act, signed in by

Ronald Regan, then governor of the state of California, essentially granted spouses

permission to divorce citing "irreconcilable differences" or by completing the waiting

period after a legal separation. Spouses no longer needed to prove adultery, abuse, or

abandonment as traditional grounds for divorce. While the Family Law Act is no doubt

hailed as a victory by advocates of the Women's Movement, the frequency and ease of

divorce have also had unintended consequences, as indicated in the literature on

intergenerational divorce. Researchers have now had the opportunity to examine the first

mass transmission of divorce among generations as Generation X (1965-1980), the

children of the Baby Boomers, have all entered into adulthood and thus their own

marriages and divorces. Amato, a professor of sociology and demography at Penn State,

found in his extensive research through the National Longitudinal Study on Marriage

(consisting of 2,000 married men and women along with their children over a 20 year

period), that the "odds of divorce increased by 69% if the wife's parents had been

divorced and by 189% if both the husband's and wife's parents had been divorced" (p.

1038.) From this research, the discovery of a "post-divorce" or "children of divorce"

culture has provided many insights into how parental divorce has shaped their

experiences (Hughes).

12
 What is most compelling in Amato's research is the finding that the act of divorce

alone single-handedly sets the stage for negative perceptions of marriage among adult

children of divorce (Amato & DeBoer, 2001). The area of focus in Amato and DeBoer's

study was on levels of discord prior to marital dissolution. They found that divorce was

most likely to be transmitted across generations if parents who divorced reported a low,

rather than high, level of discord in their marriages (Amato & DeBoer). In these families,

children did not see their parents arguing, so when in fact they did divorce, it was as if the

child's world came crashing down around them without warning and when they least

expected it (Marquardt, 2005). Amato and DeBoer state it is very common that many

marriages appeared to be functioning reasonably well a year or two prior to dissolution.

Their study demonstrates how the act of divorce, not the witnessing of arguments and

high level discord, put a child most as risk for intergenerational divorce. As they explain

"it is the actual termination of the marriage, rather than the disturbed family relations,

that affect children of divorce, by undermining the children's faith in marital

permanence" (Amato & DeBoer, p. 1049). Of course, the authors are quick to point out

that in high level discord marriages with domestic violence, the child benefited more

from the dissolution of the marriage. The concern however is that most marriages that

end are of the low level discord variety and that couples who divorce simply due to lower

levels of happiness, a more attractive offer or "the lure of the horizon" as it is phrased,

put their children at greatest risk (Amato & DeBoer; Marquardt; Wallerstein, 2005).

The assumption that marriage is a life-long commitment in which spouses may

have conflict but still remain together, perhaps through times of great unhappiness, does

not exist for adult children of divorce (Amato & DeBoer, 2001; Hughes, 2005). By

13
observing their parent's divorce, "children learn firsthand that it can be a solution to a

problematic marriage" (Amato, 1996, p. 631). Christensen and Brooks (2001) add that

when children of divorce experience problems in adult relationships, they are often more

reliant on divorce as an option rather than working on the relationship. In contrast, adult

children of intact families assume that marital problems can and should be solved, and

while they may contemplate divorce in periods of unhappiness, they frequently adopt a

long-term perspective, are optimistic and hopeful of their relationship (Amato &

DeBoer).

Wallerstein, (2005) in her research, discussed the persistent fear or anxiety that

even happily married children of divorce may experience. Among children of divorce,

she stated that "people in apparently stable, satisfactory marriages had a sense of unease,

a strong foreboding that their happiness might be short lived, that they somehow did not

deserve to be in a happy, long-lasting union" (p. 411). Just as they experienced anxieties

in their childhood, adult children of divorce are often said to be "waiting for the other

shoe to drop" (Wallerstein, p. 61) in their own marriage. Most importantly, adult

children of intact families did not expect to fail, whereas adult children of divorce are

terrified that the same fate awaits them in their marriages and that they may perpetuate

intergenerational divorce (Wallerstein).

Creating a Narrative Model

Narratives are written to serve many purposes in a wide range of disciplines

ranging from education to sociology to folklore. Narratives written with the social work

audience in mind seem to serve two purposes however: the ability to gain a fresh

perspective on a social issue and the ability to transfer or translate this new meaning to

14
the field. Bullough and Pinnegar (2001) state that for "public theory to influence practice

it must be translated through the personal" (Bullough & Pinnegar, p. 15). Fenstermacher,

(1997) in his article On Narrative, states that narrative discourse framed within a

sociopolitical, cultural or economic context functions to sometimes inhibit or narrow or

expand our possibilities.

If at its core, the narrative must have purpose, it must also be that narrative is the

best format to most effectively deliver this purpose to its readers. Those in pursuit of

narrative inquiry therefore should "engage in self-study because we believe in its inherent

value as a form of professional development" (Cole & Knowles, 1995, as quoted in

Bullough & Pinnegar, 2001, p. 17). But perhaps the most important standard in the

writing of narratives is the balance struck between the private experience and the public

issue. There must be a constant effort to stay within this balance and not lean too far

toward confessional nor toward traditional research (Bullough & Pinnegar).

Some suggest that only "those incidents that [are] unusual, unexpected, or unique

[are] proper candidates for personal narrative" (Lablov & Waletzky, as quoted in

Robinson, 1981, p. 59). Granted, if a narrative format is to be desired by its readers, as it

assumes to be, it must convey that something genuine is at stake (Bullough & Pinnegar,

2001). Additionally, the "situation must pose a predicament [by which] a resolution is

not obvious to the reader" and "in an otherwise normal sequence of events, unexpected

events occur" (Robinson p. 59). To accomplish this, the language used must build

tension in the story and have impact. Essentially, there must be a pivotal moment in the

structure of a powerful narrative that makes sharing this story more valuable than first

expected.

15
 Lablov states that there are "six distinct functional parts of a fully formed

narrative: (a) abstract; (b) orientation; (c) complicating action; (d) evaluation; (e) result

or resolution; and (f) coda" (as quoted in Franzosi, 1998, p. 522). However, while it is

necessary to bring overall structure to the narrative such as in positioning time and place

clearly in order to insure overall readability, it is most critical to demonstrate the final

process of reflection. In order to achieve this, Lablov and Waletzky argue that

"evaluation is obligatory, since narratives without evaluative comments are intelligible

but unsatisfactory—they do not convey why the speaker felt the story be told" (as quoted

in Robinson, 1981, p. 75). It is here where the reader witnesses the transformation of the

author and gains understanding. This final process enables the reader to experience the

narrative as if they lived it with the insight of the interpretation (Polkinghorne, 1988, as

quoted in Bullough & Pinnegar, 2001).

Narrative Review

Before setting out to write my own narrative, it is important to gain ample

understanding of what constitutes a quality narrative. In developing a model for narrative

inquiry, six published narratives were reviewed and will be critiqued on the following

standards: purpose, relevance to social work field, identification of pivotal moment,

overall structure, and quality of reflection.

Narrative Review: Narrative One

The narrative entitled "Ariel's Legacy: Grieving the Unborn" by Michelle Emery

Blake was published in the Fall 2006 edition of Reflections. Blake's narrative provides a

moving account of her struggles with infertility and how she memorialized an earlier

miscarriage as part of her healing process. Her timeline begins twelve years earlier when

16
her menstrual cycle is 5 days late after trying to conceive for 6 months. Because Blake

was not yet aware of the future difficulty she would encounter in trying to conceive, she

reflected on how hopeful she was in becoming pregnant. She and her husband had the

names already picked out; if it were a girl, she would be Ariel. Unfortunately, her

menstrual cycle begins again and she describes witnessing a tiny red bean of tissue that

had come from her body. Blake remembers that she simply acknowledged it, without

panic. In her quiet sadness she writes, "The dream of this baby was over. I wasn't

pregnant. Perhaps I never had been" (Blake, 2006, p. 53).

Throughout the narrative, the reader is oriented to place and time not solely for

organizational purposes, but also to demonstrate the cumulative emotional maturity the

writer developed. We witness her transition from being devastated at a doctor's

appointment after finding she was perimenopausal, to having a persistent dull feeling of a

void in her life without having a child. Ultimately, she acknowledges that her life

without a child will have to go on.

Blake (2006) jumps ahead 8 years to a point in her life where she views a

magazine spread with illustrations of fetal development. She closes in on the 32-day

embryo and recognizes it as what she had seen years earlier. It was the little red bean of

tissue. This is a pivotal moment because previously she had always viewed herself as a

woman who had struggled and successfully grieved her infertility, and not as a woman

who may have had a miscarriage.

Most relevant to social work is the process Blake (2006) goes through while at a

sand tray training many years later. Blake comes across a figure, a Ghanaian wood

carving, of a woman holding a child. She notes that the baby's face is distorted and even

17
resembles a dead baby. She states, "I wondered whether my reaction might be worth

exploring, so during that afternoon's session, I decided to experience with the possibility

of memorializing that long-ago loss" (p. 54). She takes you step by step through the sand

tray exercise, both to illuminate her emotional process and to allow the reader to adopt

this exercise for their own work with clients. She gives placement to the figures within

her sand tray, assigns meaning, and provides interpretation. The imagery she creates is

so profound that the reader could imagine participating in the training along with Blake.

In the narrative "Ariel's Legacy" readers gradually expand their empathy for

losses that have been overlooked, such as the authors miscarriage. Blake (2006) often

makes the point that "there had been no observation—other than my own sadness—of the

lost pregnancy" (p. 54) and "the loss was too early to be acutely experienced by others"

(p. 55). Readers are challenged to examine how a client may be better assisted through

such silent rather than piercing grief. Blake comes to understand her loss through the

writing of this narrative and her process of reflection is profound. In the end, we learn

that Blake found herself "a better therapist, wiser, more empathetic, more sensitive to a

variety of subtle losses that individual's encounter" (p. 57). And for those having read

this narrative, we have too. This was the gift that became Ariel's legacy.

Narrative Review: Narrative Two

Janaki Santhiveeran wrote Exploring Arranged Marriages in My Family:

Negotiations of Culture, Family, Gender, and Love in the Adventures of Marriage for the

Winter 2005 edition of Reflections. Her narrative account provides an important learning

experience for social workers who view themselves as progressive, feminist, or simply

"Western." The practice of arranged marriage seems so against the grain of

18
individualism, and can leave us feeling dismayed at the idea of understanding such a

practice among our clients. However, her narrative reiterates the importance of cultural

competency in social work practice and is perhaps most successful in this endeavor

because it is written by a woman who is both a highly educated social worker and whose

own marriage was arranged.

Janaki Santhiveeran's (2005) narrative set the desired goals for the reader in the

opening paragraphs. Her intent was to deconstruct our image of subservient women

entering into arranged marriages and to "explain how marriage is an integral part of an

Indian family" (p 26). She provides a very detailed look at Indian culture, the role of the

family and the importance of the arranged marriage. It almost reads as ethnography, until

you arrive at the section where she reveals her impressions of her sisters arranged

marriages. Santhiveeran uses language that reverts back to her childhood perceptions,

girlish excitement, and sisterly judgment when describing her sisters' potential suitors.

As she ages throughout the narrative and ultimately moves to the United States to

accept a scholarship to pursue her Ph.D. in Social Work, we are led to believe that she

may be the one sister to resist arranged marriage. We may find ourselves hoping that she

would fight against tradition and overcome the expectation of arranged marriage. We

may even cheer her on and hope that she pursues a "love marriage" as it is called. But to

do so is to miss the point. Her narrative purpose is to challenge us as social workers to

overcome our judgment. Of course, it makes it easier that the story of her arranged

marriage did not contain a dowry, coercion, or exploitation. In fact, she was lucky to

have had a role in choosing her husband. And it can be assumed that she has a fulfilling

marriage because they remain married over 10 years later.

19
 Santhiveeran's (2005) narrative is compelling due her lack of emotion. She

communicates much of the narrative in a matter of fact tone, simply because this is an

accepted component of everyday Indian life. There is not so much an internal struggle,

as there is an external struggle to convey normalcy to outsiders. But what it lacks in

sentiment, it makes up for in instilling quality contemplation among its readers.

Narrative Review: Narrative Three

"Coming Out in Community Psychology: Personal Narrative and Disciplinary

Change" was written by Anthony D'Augelli for the American Journal of Community

Psychology, June 2003 edition. His narrative is lengthy and resembles research more so

than autobiography, and due to a lack of personal emotion and reflection, makes for an

interesting read—but not an enjoyable one. His introduction had me captivated where he

explained the importance of narrative in the LGB (lesbian, gay, bisexual) community

through their "coming out" stories. For many members of this community, the re-telling

of their narrative over their lifetime serves "as a prompt for personal consolidation and as

a bridge to others who have undergone similar transformation" (D'Augelli, p. 343). In

his profession as a community psychologist, he worked in a context where you would

think his own "coming out" process would be made easier. Then he orients us to time

and place and we realize that in rural Pennsylvania circa 1981, this would be no easy feat.

On top of understanding his location, readers are encouraged to reflect back on a time

when the DSM noticed homosexuality as a mental illness. D'Augelli completed his

doctoral training only a year after its removal.

D'Augelli (2003) writes that coming out "it is nearly always a difficult process, as

it violates other's assumptions about their friends, families, coworkers, and neighbors"

20
and that "the coming out narrative involves moving from guilt/shame to positive self-

esteem" (p. 343). The author focuses on his coming out to his peers in community

psychology by writing a "gay piece" for a professional journal: however his narrative

does not explore his own hesitation or emotional journey in the writing process, nor the

reaction by its readers. It is difficult to connect with this narrative because he spends so

much time emphasizing the importance of creating safe spaces for the LGB community,

while failing to demonstrate how his individual experience may have contributed to that

goal.

Narrative Review: Narrative Four

Rachel Marie-Crane Williams wrote "Women on the Inside: A Year of Painting

with Women in Prison" for the Winter 2003 edition of Reflections. It is a captivating

narrative both because of its emphasis on a seemingly unapproachable population:

women in prison, and because of her intriguing role as their "artist in residence." She

grabs your attention in her opening line: "Each week I go to prison" (Williams, 2003, p.

18). She begins the reflection process early on by stating, "When I started in 1993,1 had

no idea that a small volunteer opportunity would become such a meaningful, extended,

experience" (p. 18). Immediately, we are drawn in both by her writing style and by her

confidence in the significance of her story.

Her narrative follows a very clear chronological structure over the course of her

ten year history of providing art workshops to women's prisons. But her emphasis is on

her time spent at the Iowa Correctional Institution for Women, which began in 1999.

Williams (2003) states the obvious in finding relevance to social work through her

narrative. Among them: "the arts in corrections can reduce recidivism, can create a

21
decline in violent incidents within the prison, improve literacy, and reduce stress" (p. 19).

However, she then pulls away from these crucial factors by stating, "while all these

things are motivating, they were only a small part of the reason that I continue to work

with women in prison" (p. 19). Readers can foresee from this statement that Williams'

narrative is not about what art did for female inmates, but how these women impacted

Williams. She presents each woman's story but excludes their criminal history. Rather,

she centers on the art process and how the women worked through difficult pieces to

form a community. Williams' purpose is to show their humanity and to demonstrate to

us why we should be invested in them as many of the women she worked with will

someday be released. They will come home and go back to being mothers, employees,

students, and members of our community. Perhaps Williams hopes to spark the desire in

her readers to reach out to these women and further the importance of art in corrections.

If so, her post script is very effective. She tells us that the Iowa prison is in the midst of

serious budget cuts and that the prison liaison that helped Williams get the arts project up

and running may be laid off, and we are left wondering "how can I help?"

Narrative Review: Narrative Five

The narrative titled "Witness Protection" or "I'm a Seagull... No, That's Not

Right" was written by Gregory Gross for the Winter 2003 edition of Reflections. In

addition to this being the most perplexing title, this was also the most unique in format

among all of the narratives reviewed. In a rather bizarre fashion the author plummeted

right into the story of The Incident he witnessed years ago. He did this without setting up

the context, or orienting his readers to place and time. The capitalized Incident

effectively made his readers aware that this would be the area of focus and required

22
special attention. But we were left wondering for over two paragraphs at to what exactly

he was trying to say. I almost put it down, feeling impatient and unsure that I could

tolerate this confusion. But then he speaks to the readers. Not in the "I really connected

with this piece—it speaks to me" kind of way, but literally, he stops the narrative to

address us. He develops mounting speculation among his readers, then releases the

pivotal moment of his story by writing, "Just to get it out in the open, I'll state here what

it was. A man in the street beat up his daughter. The details will come later, if you'll

stick with me" (p. 5 5). And so I decided that I would.

The story itself is a rather simple one. We sometimes witness public displays of

abuse whether it be child abuse or domestic violence. However, for social workers,

everything that follows becomes complex. We feel the responsibility of intervening.

Social workers must make a split-second decision as to how to intervene both safely and

effectively all the while quickly calling the authorities in time.

His prologue is almost as long as the story itself and contains a discussion of

witnessing mental illness in an individual at a convention, and numerous other off-topic

jaunts. While sometimes hard to follow his writing style, it is easy to identify his

purpose. This narrative's relevance to social work in found in the recognition that we are

often called to action even while off duty and that our professional responsibility carries

weight even in the middle of our personal life. Or maybe it is that there is no such thing

as an off-duty social worker?

Narrative Review: Narrative Six

The narrative entitled "Stupid! Who Me? The Prism of Race and Class" by

MyThu Chiem was published in the Summer 2006 special South East Asian Diaspora

23
edition of Reflections. It is a heartfelt account of the encounter that single-handedly

guided her decision to pursue medical social work as a profession. The author spends

plenty of time setting up the context of her story amongst an immigrant family battling a

complex and monolingual medical system. However, if the reader comes to this story

prepared with the knowledge that Asian families feel a tremendous sense of honor and

duty to their elders, then the story of how she witnessed her father be humiliated at a

doctors appointment has far greater impact. Chiem was only 16 at the time of this event,

and she held her father up with the highest regard. She recalled how he was once a

wealthy shipyard owner in his native Vietnam, and was well respected in their

community. In this doctors appointment however, she and her father were treated as

annoyances, or even worse, as dumb and incompetent. The title is taken from the

receptionist who mumbled "Stupid!" at Chiem after failing to do her job properly.

Chiem (2006) intentionally uses language that conjures up a world of frustration,

a sense of hopelessness, and injustice. As a result, we as readers are easily able to follow

along with this emotional tug-of-war. Chiem details her struggles as she navigates

through each component of the medical system, which is difficult even for native

speakers. It is not enough that she simply imply it was a complex system. Instead, she

specifically demonstrates how getting an appointment with a specialist, understanding

office protocol, and completing a stack of medical forms all in English must occur before

even seeing the doctor. When the doctor arrives, he is rushed and does not allow time for

Chiem to translate, thereby robbing the patient of his medical rights. When Chiem

reminds us that her father was lucky to have ten bilingual children who could assist him,

24
readers may find themselves at the edge of their seat ready to champion this cause-

especially for those without such extended family support.

Chiem's (2006) narrative purpose is twofold: to give insight to the medical

dilemma immigrants find themselves swallowed up by, and to provide the cultural

context in which they view this problem. Readers glean an understanding of Buddhism,

the concept of "saving face," and changing family structure in immigrant families and are

all the more prepared as social workers to help advocate for them. Her story was not told

for the narrative quality alone, but in order to make implications for social work at every

level-individual, social, and political.

25
 CHAPTER 3

METHODOLOGY

Narrative Project Format

In preparing to write my own narrative, I reviewed multiple narratives from such

publications as Reflections, prior narrative theses from MSW graduates and narrative

essays from other disciplines such as anthropology and sociology. In addition, I

examined several articles that discussed academic guidelines and the expected qualities

of narratives and other self-study formats. Academic rigor sets narrative apart from

simple autobiography in that "like other forms of research, self-study invites the reader

into the research process by asking that interpretations be checked, that themes be

critically scrutinized, and that the 'so what' question be vigorously pressed" (Bullough &

Pinnegar, 2001, p. 20). Thereby, in thoroughly assessing the structure of published

narratives and related articles on the purpose of narrative I was able to piece together the

structure of my own body of work in a way that contributes to the field.

My literature review includes both narrative examples in order to be well versed in the

variety of the narrative form, and of the many sub-categories related to children of

divorce. Topics such as identity, depression, cohabitation, single parenthood,

commitment, and generational divorce were reviewed in their relation to my primary

focus on children of divorce. The literature review of narrative essays was of unrelated

26
subject matter, however the focus was solely on the style and narrative intention of the

writer.

Relevance of the Narrative Form

The narrative form is the oldest form of shared knowledge throughout human

history (Franzosi, 1998). Conle, (2000) in her article asserts "the quest for knowledge

about one's own life and identity is an ancient one and has motivated work in which self-

narratives are not primarily literary pursuits, but fall into a tradition 'grounded in the

ancient project of self-knowledge" (Verene, 1991 as quoted in Conle, p. 191). It is

especially relevant in the context of social work in that as a discipline we seek to find

meaning in a person's experience. For example, it is the objective perspective that would

note the legal proceedings associated with divorce but it is the subjective perspective that

provides the meaning of that divorce to the person and its daily impact on that person's

life. Without the meaning, or emotional connotation of an experience we would not be

able to share the significance of life events; we would simply note that they had occurred.

Dennis Saleebey, (1994) in his article for NASW's Social Work, stated that "human

beings can only build themselves into the world by creating meaning, by fashioning out

of symbols a sense of what the world is all about" (p. 351). Ochs & Capps (1996)

describe personal narrative being born out of experience and simultaneously giving shape

to experience and they quoted Toni Morrison in the belief that "narrative is radical,

creating us at the very moment it is being created" (p. 22).

An increasing number of theses are in the form of narrative inquiry (Conle, 2000)

although "academic tradition has tended to keep emotion and intellect apart" (p. 190).

Franzosi (1998) adds "paradoxically, we are more at ease in the artificial and man-made

27
world of statistics that in the more natural world of language and words" (Franzosi, p.

518). Narrative is often used in ethnography and in teacher education, but Ferber (2000)

challenges that sociologists too participate in the construction of reality. In addition,

Ferber states that

a narrative approach is threatening because it is not simply one more

methodological approach to add the to the toolbox; instead, it threatens the very
premises of the traditional tools we rely on. The narrative approach provides an
inherent critique on empiricist sociology that sees a direct correspondence
between our accounts and reality, (p. 348).

The task is both practical and theoretical in that the "narrative must speak in two

voices simultaneously: the narrator's voice that presents the case and the theoretical voice

that conceptualizes what is being presented" (Conle, 2000, p. 193). The challenge rests

on the author's ability to characterize the quality of narrative inquiry abstractly.

Social Work and Narrative

The motivation behind a graduate thesis often originates from the "inquirer's

personal interests and expertise and, to a major extent, from the needs of the field, that is,

from gaps in a body of knowledge that need to be completed or expanded (Conle, 2000,

p. 194)." The value of my narrative in the field of social work is equivalent to the

reasons why we ask a person seeking counseling to "tell their story" before we

immediately jump to a treatment plan. Culture and narrative are so intertwined, and just

as a competent social worker would ask a person's ethnic identity rather than assume, we

must also ask to hear their story. To be found are details unique to that person, even if

we feel we have already worked with several clients having experienced that same life

transition. Similarly Saleebey (1994) noted that "until we begin to ground our

28
professional understanding and actions in the stories, in the meaning systems of those we

help, we will continue to make the same errors that Rosaldo (1989) claimed have been

made by objectivist ethnographers" (p. 352). We as social workers are not "the quiet

observers" as classically trained anthropologists, but are unique in our ability to both

listen and intervene. Ochs and Capps (1996) suggest that "narrative activity is crucial to

recognizing and integrating repressed and alienated selves" and that as narrators "we

come to understand, reaffirm, and revise a philosophy of life" (p. 30). "At its best,"

Conle provides, "the personal will be permeated with underlying cultural issues that

narrative will clarify, or expose, and thus give the work a wider social significance"

(Conle, p. 212). It is in this attempt that narrative provides greatest value, that in this

construction of meaning the narrative story "edges into the larger world, the self is

strengthened, and the folklore of the group in emboldened" (Saleebey, p. 359). Narrative

provides perhaps the greatest strength in the discipline of social work as we gain first

hand knowledge of a person's experience, and therefore better perfect our methods of

intervention. This first person account asks us to utilize and integrate the pedagogy of

social work and bring this knowledge with us to the front lines of the helping profession.

29
 CHAPTER 4

NARRATIVE

Just Last Night We Were a Family

In 1981 at the age of 5 my parents divorced. My mother remarried in 1987 and

was divorced again four years later. Witnessing two divorces and intermittingly being

raised by a single mother negatively impacted my desire to be a wife and left me feeling

incapable of having a stable marriage myself.

I do not really recall being aware of my parent's marital problems. At just 5 years

old, my day to day life was filled with visits to the apartment complex playground,

frequent trips to grandma's house down the street, and my favorite TV show, Sha Na Na:

a music program featuring a greaser named Bowzer that I had a crush on. My mom and

dad even took me to their concert, in addition to Sesame Street on Ice so I can only

assume they had some fun being my parents. Whatever marital discord that was

occurring was low conflict, as I do not remember many screaming matches and never

witnessed domestic violence of any kind. This is probably why, when one evening my

parents began to yell at each other and even throw things at one another, I was

completely surprised. I climbed onto the arm of the couch and stood tall trying to referee

their argument, but I was ignored. My father stormed out of the house, and my mom sent

me to bed. I had no idea my whole world would change by morning. When I awoke I

found my mother sleeping on the couch. I shook her awake and asked where daddy was.

30
I can still remember the image of her eyes opening, looking around and immediately

becoming saddened at the reality that was to become that day. She cried and held me,

telling me he was gone.

My father was to me a man who invited me to step on the tops of his feet as he

danced around our living room to the sounds of Supertramp. He was very playful and

laid back. I do not recall ever being scolded by him. But to my mother, he was

chronically unemployed and always spending the last of their money on new business

ventures. I was told that rather than pay utility bills, he bought a big box of turquoise

with the intention of making silver and turquoise jewelry to sell. My father made the

jewelry and gave it all away to friends as gifts instead. His kindness was not enough to

save their marriage, and I think my mother often viewed him as her third child.

Getting "Divorced"

Over the next month or so, my sister and I would get to visit with our father

several times as the divorce process unfolded. I asked a lot of questions about what it

was going to be like being "divorced," as it was a brand new word for me and therefore

mispronounced. My dad answered all my questions with the reassurance that my sister

and I would always be loved and that this was not our fault. It is my mental health's

saving grace that I never felt abandoned by my father, despite the divorce.

We would also talk on the phone frequently, as was the case 1 day when I was on

a tall barstool chatting away and had fallen down. My mother was at the apartment

complex laundry-mat. My father jumped in his car as soon as he heard me crying

through the phone. Even though we were in Stanton, and he in Anaheim, he arrived

within minutes, before my mother did in fact, and I felt very loved. Every little girl

31
should regard her father as a hero, and I did in that moment. I am grateful for this

particular memory and would like to think that given more time, I would have continued

to have a wonderful and secure relationship with my dad.

Unfortunately, in the meantime my mother had reunited with her old high school

boyfriend from Pennsylvania where she had grown up. During the custody proceedings,

my mom asked the court for permission to move us back east. I have been told my father

was heartbroken. The court, and I presume my father, agreed on the basis that she would

send the two of us back to California once a year at her expense, so that we could visit

our dad. This never happened however. My father would die of cancer by 1982.

My Stepfather, Almost

Lee, my mom's boyfriend, insisted I call him dad. He was considered my

stepfather but in fact they had not married. In the beginning, I was excited to have a

complete family once again. But later when I was told my father had died, it all became

very confusing. I was only 6 and had a very hard time processing this information from

3,000 miles away. All I knew was that my father had died, and that Lee was in his place.

I think I associated Lee with my father's death, and always held him somehow

responsible. Therefore, we would never get along. I was 6 when my father died, but my

sister was only 2 and did not have any memories of what she had lost. Lee raised her and

because she was better able to bond with him, they developed a great father-daughter

relationship.

Pennsylvania was a beautiful place to grow up. I arrived in the middle of first

grade in the dead of winter. I remember two things vividly: seeing snow for the first

time, and being assigned a buddy from my class named Raheem who would act as my

32
tour guide of Manor Elementary School. He was a perfect little gentleman at age 6. But

I was embarrassed at being the new girl and tried to explain to him how all this happened:

that I had a father that lived in California and I flew on an airplane to get here and now I

lived in a real house and not an apartment and have a swing set of my own. I am sure I

was as long-winded as that was a run-on sentence. He told me that his parents were

"divorced" too. Raheem became the first child I knew whose parents had divorced, but

there would be so many more to come. I would never feel alienated by my parents

divorce again because out of the ten or so friends I made in first and second grade that

year, I can recall four of them that were from similar "broken homes." What made me

different was when my father later died, no one could share in that experience with me.

Any hope I may have had that my parents would reunite was gone. I began to idolize my

father, viewing him as perfect, and missing him greatly. That therefore made my mother

"mean" and "unfair," and I often told her how "daddy would have never done that."

In quite the opposite fashion as my mom and dad, my mom and Lee would have

huge arguments that would last days. He was an alcoholic and easily became belligerent

at the smallest irritation. He never hit my mother, but he did follow her all over the house

to intimidate her and continue on his rant. There were some bright and happy moments

amongst the four of us pretending to be a family, but I mostly remember it being a

tenuous three years. And then it came to an end. My aunt and uncle had been visiting

from California when my mother confessed that she was unhappy in her relationship. My

sister and I were awoken in the middle of the night. My mom had packed all our

belongings into big black Hefty bags and with that we were ready to go. I was upset to

33
leave my newly decorated Strawberry Shortcake bedroom but was excited to go home to

California. We never even said goodbye to Lee.

Back and Forth, Back and Forth

The fact that I was disenchanted with the whole idea of marriage, or even

romantic relationships for that matter, at eight years old, was demonstrated through my

play. I remember playing with Barbie's and envisioning Barbie as a single mom to

daughter Skipper. If Ken was included, he was either a helpful neighbor, or an involved

uncle. He was never a father. I wrote stories and planned for my future children. I

named all four of them and envisioned us living in Corona Del Mar. What I remember

most is the confidence in knowing I would be a mother. But I can not say that I ever

considered being a wife. I did not dream of having a wedding the way some of my

friends did. Men seemed to be more difficult than they were worth. My mother's friends

and several of my aunts had also divorced and I would hear them talk around the kitchen

table. My sister and I would listen closely as they would offer support and tell their

stories while calling their ex's "headaches." I decided I did not want one.

It was 1984 and I was in the fourth grade. We had moved back to Stanton to the

very same apartment complex where I had last seen my father healthy. In fact, we moved

right upstairs from my old apartment, which would serve as a constant visual reminder of

what I had lost. My mother fell right into the role of single mother, and did a very good

job at it. She also was, and still is, a nurse and never struggled with unemployment. We

never had money I am sure, but I never knew it. We had a great support system of

extended family, all who lived within minutes of us. I had made friends all over again

after the move. It was "just us gals," as we would say, and we enjoyed this low conflict

34
lifestyle. I guess I never knew what it was like for my mom to be a single mother, but

knew I was happy. I could have gone on living like that for the rest of my childhood, but

in 1987 my mother and Lee decided to give it another shot.

Love and Marriage

To say I was infuriated would be an understatement. This was the beginning of

my angry, and somewhat justified, rebellious pre-teen years. My mother asked me to be

the maid of honor in their wedding. My sister served as the flower girl. It was all very

nauseating and the formal photos from the day captured my mood perfectly. I cried all

throughout the ceremony, all throughout the toasts, the dance, and the cake cutting. My

eyes were bloodshot with rage and Lee could be found glaring at me in many photos.

We flew, once more, back to Pennsylvania to live in the same house with Lee, in the

same town as years ago, but now I was the "new girl" in seventh grade. "Hi again," I

would greet old friends I recognized, "remember me from third grade?" It was much

harder to make friends in the middle of the school year in junior high and this time no one

was assigned to be my buddy the way Raheem was.

Everything was the same in my little old neighborhood of North Park. My

neighbors remained the same, they had just grown taller, and they welcomed me back

with open arms. Even the Strawberry Shortcake wallpaper in my old bedroom remained,

along with some of our toys that were left behind. More to the point, Lee had remained

the same. He was still an alcoholic. They still had the same fights, in the same

destructive way. The difference was now I was not as intimidated by him and would find

it a source of entertainment to provoke him, just to prove to my mother that this was

predictable. I did everything in my power to make it a struggle for her and Lee, and my

35
relationship with my mother suffered tremendously for it. But I did not care. I could

never look at her the same. I resented her for bringing us back to him, and it would be

almost a decade before I could forgive her for it.

Dating

I began dating at age fourteen and quickly became attracted to whomever my

parents would oppose of most. Lee hated every guy I brought home, and they hated him

too. We called him my step-monster. I was in a 10 month relationship, considered "long

term" for a teenager, when things were turned upside down again at home. My mother

and Lee were getting divorced. I am sure I had some role in this, as I was not playing the

loving and compliant step-daughter role very well. But most to blame was Lee's drug

use. I found his stash in his bedroom closet. It was a shoebox consisting of powder

cocaine, an emptied pen, small bags of marijuana, pills and a mirror. I went into his

closet knowing what I would find, as I had seen him and his friends partying around our

dining room table in the middle of the night earlier that week. My mother, always the

hard worker, had a night shift at the hospital. After I brought it down from the top shelf, I

called Lee's mother to make her aware of his bad behavior. But she did not need to be

notified. Lee had just gotten a DUI and as was customary in small town, the local

newspaper published his name and offense that morning. The whole neighborhood knew.

When he came home that night, he saw his mother sitting with me on the couch, the box

on her lap. My mother had been called and was also on her way home. And just like

that, they were over.

At age 15,1 was happy to finally be rid of living in his home, but I knew what a

divorce would mean for my life. We would need to move back to California. I

36
threatened to run away and convinced my mom to let me complete the 10 grade, hoping

to buy some time. We rented a house in the same school district and I got to date my

high school boyfriend, a drummer in a heavy metal band, a little bit longer. I thought I

was in love of course, and we contemplated running off to get married. That was the

closest to the idea I would ever get again for the next 15 years. But my mother was a

stronger force than I thought she was and she put me on that plane bound for LAX the

summer after. "Us gals" were moving back to California. My boyfriend ran along the

terminal windows waving goodbye as I sobbed waving back.

California, Here I Come, Right Back Where I Started From

This time we settled in Huntington Beach where I would not know a soul in the

world. My mother and I were not talking. I began 11 grade along with everyone else

that Fall, so I was virtually ignored. Eventually, I made friends and began dating a guy

that I would go on to stay with for three years, even into my first year of college. We

never should have lasted that long. John and I began fighting only months into our

relationship. He would go on to use methamphetamine, physically and emotionally

assault me, and get sent to juvenile hall of the eve of our graduation day. We fought

nearly every single moment we were together. My mother screamed at me for putting up

with this. "You can be miserable on your very own, you don't need a guy to add to that,"

she would say. But, it really felt rather normal to me to be in this kind of relationship

after witnessing all that I did growing up. My mom in the meantime had remained

perpetually single. She did not so much as look at men, she hated them. My girlfriends

and I learned about the feminist movement from my mom, but for her it was a feminist

perspective developed out of default. She tried to empower us to be single too. When

37
my girlfriends fought with their boyfriends, they would come over to get a pep talk from

my mother. Other mothers may have shared personal stories of conflict-resolution,

developing better listening skills, learning to fight fair. My mother called those

boyfriends derogatory names, made blanket statements like "honey, men are assholes,"

and slammed their character. My girlfriends loved it, and left feeling empowered. But

were we really better off? Or was she just trying to teach us how to walk away? It is

hard to decipher, since we were all dating real jerks back then and are grateful to this day

that my mother stood her ground in hating them. I am just not sure what I learned from

her about choosing a good partner, commitment, and the give and take in relationships. I

would struggle with this for many years to come.

Independence

Eventually I did leave John. And then Danny came into my life and once we

began to have problems I left him. I abruptly ended many more relationships once we

had even the slightest of conflict. I discovered that by moving- just up and leaving-1

could solve my relationship issues and start fresh. I certainly had plenty of practice in

moving and felt quite comfortable and confident in leaving for new surroundings. So, at

first I moved from California State University, Long Beach to Chico State in order to

ditch a relationship gone sour. Then I set my destinations further. With the next guy, I

moved to Dublin, Ireland for three months to communicate that we had broken up. With

the last breakup, right before my college graduation in 1999,1 hardly dropped a tear and

then proceeded to move to Japan to begin a two-year teaching contract. I vowed never to

commit to anyone but myself. I was too difficult for me to get along with an intimate

partner and I did not want to do the work. It was more exciting to plan my future

38
adventures than to actually have to face my faults. I remember thinking, "this is how it

will always be, I will be independent; I will be a jet setter."

Tuan

I spent my college years fascinated by the work of feminist leaders like Gloria

Steinem and listening to folk singer Ani DiFranco-but even they eventually got married.

It was 2004, and at age twenty-eight, I really was ready to call it a day and adopt. I

wanted to be a mother more than anything. But then, surprisingly, I found Tuan. He was

already among my circle of friends. In fact we had been very close friends for four years

already, and I think that aided in my ability to trust him. I saw him in a new light, and as

we began dating, I began to imagine having a husband. It was not such a scary picture, as

I knew he was a great catch and had a very even keel personality. What was more

unimaginable, was how was I going to keep this relationship afloat?

I would like to say that Tuan swept me off my feet and things progressed

smoothly toward our wedding day, but that was not the case. In fact, our relationship

brought to light all of my shortcomings and my deep-rooted feelings of incompetence in

developing a healthy relationship. We did not argue often, but when we did every couple

months, I was certain our relationship would end. I had never learned how to resolve a

dispute, how to listen to critique and not feel defensive, or how to present my feelings of

frustration with someone without attacking the entire person. Of course, I could do all

these things as a colleague, or as a friend, but I could not keep this same sense of calm in

being a girlfriend. Each argument was tied to the tangled web of "Relationships Past"

and Tuan, I am sure, had a hard time figuring out just who we were talking about half the

time. "Is this about your dad? Or Lee? Or is this something your actually upset with me

39
about?!" Tuan would ask. I am not even sure that I knew. I did know that this

relationship meant everything to me and if we did not make it, I would lose Tuan as my

long time friend.

Becoming a Social Worker

Almost two years into our relationship we began the process of purchasing a

home together. I had also begun the MSW program at CSULB and was in my second

semester. Professor Cheryl Lee asked that we write a paper on a topic that affected adults

and I took this opportunity to examine my own life and contemplate what major issues

affected my age group. Other than the financial stress of being a graduate student, and

the fear of watching the 2005 housing market climb well beyond my reach, my most

pressing issue was that my relationship was falling apart and I felt powerless to stop it.

Tuan and I were arguing more frequently and came close to breaking up a couple times,

all the while going through escrow. I was a big stickler on gender roles, and felt like I

had to battle it out each day or I would forever be stuck in servitude. Tuan was

bewildered at my urgency to clarify what I would and would not do for him. I might

have tried to run off to a foreign country, if it were not for the MSW program and the

mortgage keeping me grounded.

I chose to write my paper on the experiences of adult children of divorce and this

became the launching pad of my future interest in this topic. The research was

frightening as it indicated that all the odds were against me. They zeroed in on statistics

of failure rates that were impossible to calculate, and it became even further complicated

if your partner was also from a divorced family. Tuan's parents divorced when he was

25. What became clear was that our relationship was sure to encounter major obstacles.

40
I read study after study, each increasing my anxiety. Overwhelmed, I told Tuan "If we

know all of what is working against us, do we face it head on, or do we just get run down

by all the odds?" He willingly looked at some of the research, and read several rough

drafts of my paper. Also overwhelmed, he responded, "it says here that we need to work

extra hard, harder than most couples, because of our family histories." It seemed to make

so much sense to both of us that if you come from this background of divorce, you would

give your relationship extra precaution as you head toward the alter. While the easy part

may have been identifying our risk factors, deciding who needed to work on what would

be a lot harder. Actually finding the setting would be near impossible. Neither Tuan nor

I are religious and therefore did not have any connections to a temple or church where we

could receive premarital services.

One of my very first tasks as a social worker in training would be to find

resources for my own relationship. It was a self serving motivation to write that paper for

Cheryl Lee that semester, but if I had not I do not know where Tuan and I would be right

now. I began to search for couples counseling with a competent therapist, one whose

caseload and training was predominantly with couples, to no avail. If there was one thing

that stuck with me through all my research, it was that an unskilled therapist could

actually make your relationship more vulnerable and possible do more damage. I

discovered the concept of premarital education and martial enrichment out of this

frustration. Over the winter session, I had enrolled in a class with Dr. Susan Love on

Brief Cognitive Therapy. She stressed research based therapy models. "The best

outcomes for couples work," she stated, "are coming out of Dr. John Gottman's Love

Lab at University of Washington, Seattle." This sounded promising and I ran home to do

41
an online search. The Gottman program offered couples a weekend workshop in Seattle

where they could listen, along with a hundred or so other couples, to a lecture and then

have time privately to do couple's activities. This non-threatening format was much

more comfortable for Tuan, who expressed that as an Asian, counseling was very taboo

and difficult for him to approach. The very fact that he was willing to go to Seattle with

me to work on our relationship strengthened it tremendously. His effort communicated to

me that he was committed, and with that we moved into our new home.

Getting Help

We arrived in Seattle to attend John and Julie Gottman's "Art and Science of

Love" weekend workshop in July of 2005. We arrived four days before the workshop

began. Fearful of what we may find, we wanted to enjoy the vacation before we dug up

the skeletons in each other's closets. When Saturday morning approached and we were

due to check in, we walked in holding hands so tight you would think we expected to be

told our relationship was doomed. But as we settled in the comfort of listening to the

Gottmans talk about healthy love and partnership, we began to identify the many qualities

in our relationship that would help keep us together. Their strength's based perspective

kept us alert and motivated in our seats.

We continued on to learn how our personal histories are behind every upset

reaction and how to listen for that "story behind the story" when a partner is enraged. It

was a fascinating lecture, but then we were asked to go out into the courtyard to start an

argument. We were going to test our newly developed listening skills. Tuan charged at

me about how I criticized his driving. I immediately felt tears welling up because we had

just had this argument a week before. And a month before that. I was frustrated with this

42
topic. "If I notice a car swerving up ahead, or that you are speeding, why shouldn't I

point that out to you? You would not mind if one of your guy friends did so" I replied.

"If you trusted me then you'll trust that I will get you where we're going safely! Plus, if

you want to drive then by all means go ahead!" he insisted. We both knew we weren't

talking about the driving really, but about the power and control over our lives, which we

were always in search of. He needed me to hear about how his parents criticized his

every move through out his life, so much so that he couldn't breathe deeply around them.

I needed him to hear how I was pulled across country four times against my will.

My tears continued as we walked back into the workshop, not because I was

upset but because I was relieved. The Gottmans taught us that no relationship is perfect.

That you do not even necessarily solve your deadlocked issues, but perhaps view them as

a component of your relationship. You have a relationship with the issues. There is me,

Tuan, and our issues. They demonstrated that even as marriage counselors they too had

disagreements, and even shared a couple of stories of going to bed angry, and staying

angry, for days. We needed to create our own dance, they said, for how we would be

angry, but recover. This would be a dance we would rehearse our entire lifetime. It

sounded foreign to both of us, because in our families, people got angry, then they

became furious, then they walked out. They certainly never recovered.

Getting Married

Tuan proposed to me after a visit to the Space Needle that weekend in Seattle. I

do not know what he would have done with the ring had we gone to the workshop and

discovered we were incompatible. We found faith in our relationship that weekend and

stability in each other that we could not find in our parents. We went on to pursue

43
additional smaller workshops and read several books on "Getting it Right the First

Time." That being said, I still have a deep-rooted sense of fear when things are going too

well. Something feels amiss, and I am sure that chaos or catastrophe is fast approaching

to end my wonderful relationship. And sometimes, when we do get into an argument, I

feel certain that it may be over. I know this is abnormal, but have yet to squelch the wave

of panic that rushes over me when Tuan is really upset with me. Then I remember the

goal is to perfect the dance, not to end the disagreement. And if our success can be

measured in our increased communication while in the midst of an argument, I would say

we are doing well.

We married in June of 2007 amongst 150 well wishers. We know they hoped for

the best for us, and that they crossed their fingers we would be the couple to make it.

While nothing is a guarantee, and a marriage despite its vows can easily be dissolved,

Tuan and I felt we had worked hard not to leave it to chance. In our pursuit of an

intervention that could give us a leg up in our marriage we came across many people who

felt we were spoiling some of the romance. "Gosh, your so consumed with preventing

divorce, you haven't even enjoyed being engaged," a friend told me. Another, while

together with me at a bridal fair, cringed when I asked if there were any booths set up that

offered premarital counseling programs. "Wouldn't that be like inviting a prenuptial

lawyer to attend? What a drag, nobody wants to think about that!" But I, sometimes

vehemently, insist that it you knew your family had a history of diabetes or high blood

pressure, wouldn't you take some precaution? Wouldn't you educate yourself on what to

do to prevent it? Maybe I am the lucky one, because as a social worker, I am trained to

see this

44
as a health concern. Perhaps I will be the one to break the cycle of divorce in my family.

More so than just having hope, I now feel prepared to try.

45
 CHAPTER 5

DISCUSSION

Literature Review Discussion

At the core of every child of divorce is a strong resilience. Many children of

divorce have had to learn to adapt to new environments, develop a sense of independence

and self-reliance, and mature emotionally beyond their years. These strengths certainly

carry over to adulthood and into their many ambitions including the pursuit of a career,

self-sufficiency, and the creation of a committed relationship and family. However,

consistent with the literature, children of divorce may experience a fear of intimacy or

carry negative views of intimate or committed relationships that are disproportionate with

their peers from intact families. For some, the development of a healthy relationship, if

desired, can be a challenge. The very strengths that provided for the individual, such as

self-reliance, or a strong sense of independence, may not always fair well for a couple

relationship. In addition, for those who are attempting marriage, there is an alarming

propensity of intergenerational divorce among children of divorce. It is important that

social workers begin to view this group as a vulnerable population deserving of services

and interventions. It is in this vein of thought that the writer shares her own unique

perspective on being a child of divorce that sought services to better help in the

development of a healthy, stable relationship.

46
 Social workers are skilled in bringing a strengths-based perspective to their work

at all times, and it is crucial, in preparing interventions to assist children of divorce, that

we remember that foundation. Not every adult child of divorce will care to, or feel the

need to, examine their own risk-factors as closely as the writer did. It is not an enjoyable

process to undertake, especially in the beginning of an exciting new relationship. To do

so would seem to spoil the moment. However, if children of divorce recognize in

themselves a fear of intimacy or negative views of marriage, for example, an abundance

of resources that can assist with relationship skills needs to be available. Currently, many

of these resources are tied into religious settings and if couples are not connected to a

faith-based institution, unfortunately they may find that access to such assistance is not

available to them. The writer hopes that more community-based interventions are

developed and that if couple's desire a committed relationship, or marriage, that services

are there to help them succeed. Several research-based interventions for marriage and

family therapy and relationship education have been developed; most notably by scholars

such as John Gottman, Howard Markman, and Scott Haltzman. However, among them,

only John Gottman of University of Washington, Seattle, modifies his weekend

workshop for gay and lesbian couples. Still, there is a void of services in many states,

and a lack of services directed toward children of divorce in their own relationships. In

tailoring a curriculum specifically, research suggests that "adult children of divorce seem

to have more difficulty maintaining a separate sense of self, or independence, without

emotionally withdrawing from significant others in a passive aggressive manner when

upset," and "intimacy ideals of commitment, affection, stability, support, and acceptance"

were found to represent the greatest need in children of divorce (Conway et al., 2003, p.

47
369), and give direction in the development of clinical interventions to best help this

population.

The Power of Narrative

Writing a narrative that closely examines the intimate details of one's life is a

validating experience. In many ways, the writer finally felt heard in a way she had never

been before. For many children of divorce, their views of the divorce, and of all the

decisions that are made without their contribution, are often overlooked. This writer,

indeed, felt silenced in the divorce and re-marriage process. Narrative has a unique

quality in its ability to connect with readers both in its encouragement to become

introspective and to develop empathy. In addition, in completing the literature review,

the writer discovered a sense of community. Many factors, such as the worry a child of

divorce may feel when a relationship has been going "too well," resonated strongly with

this writer.

Ultimately, the process of unfolding the effects of divorce on a child is slow

moving and very personal and for some, may only come to surface in their adult

relationships. As social workers, listening to these stories provides a learning experience

and aids us in our work with such diverse clients. For the writer in her own work with

clients, the process of uncovering various risk factors has made the most impact. This is

especially relevant in her pursuit of medical social work career where the health care

prevention model strives to make a positive difference in health outcomes by promoting

early detection, education and awareness. The writer is most curious in how social

workers can appropriately frame the delivery of such early detection or awareness

without immobilizing a client with fear. How can we encourage our clients to be

48
knowledgeable and make educated decisions utilizing all available research, without, at

the same time, overwhelming them? Self-determination is one of our most coveted

ethical standards as we strive to empower our clients. As social workers, we are best able

to do so by developing authenticity in our work and services that only self-reflection and

empathy can provide.

49
REFERENCES

50
 REFERENCES

Amato, P. R. (1996). Explaining the intergenerational transmission of divorce. Journal

of Marriage and the Family, 58, 628-640.

Amato, P. R., & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). The transmission of marital instability across
generations: Relationship skills or commitment to marriage? Journal of
Marriageand the Family, 63(4), 1038-1051.

Amato, P. R., & Soboleweski, J. M. (2001). The effects of divorce and marital discord
on adult children's psychological well-being. American Sociological Review, 66,
900-921.

Blake, M. E. (2006). Ariel's legacy: Grieving the unborn. Reflections: Narratives of

Professional Helping, 12(4), 53-57.

Bullough, R., & Pinnegar, S. (2001). Guidelines for quality in autobiographical forms
of self-study research. Educational Researcher, 30(3), 13-21.

Chiem, M. (2006). "Stupid! Who, me?"--The prism of race and class. Reflections,
12(3), 27-33.

Christensen, T., & Brooks, M. C. (2001). Adult children of divorce and intimate
relationships: A review of the literature. The Family Journal, 9,289-294.

Conle, C. (2000). Thesis as narrative or "What is the inquiry in narrative inquiry?"

Curriculum Inquiry, 30(2), 189-214.

Conway, M. B., Christensen, T. M., & Herlihy, B. (2003). Adult children of divorce
and intimate relationships: Implications for counseling. The Family Journal,
11(4), 364-372.

D'Augelli, A. R. (2003). Coming out in community psychology: Personal narrative and

disciplinary change. American Journal of Community Psychology, 31(3/4), 343-
354.

Fenstermacher, G. D. (1997). On narrative. Teaching and Teacher Education, 13(1),

119-124.

51
Ferber, A. L. (2000). A commentary on Aguirre: Taking narrative seriously.
Sociological Perspectives, 43(2), 341-349.

Franzosi, R. (1998). Narrative analysis—or why (and how) sociologists should be

interested in narrative. Annual Review of Sociology, 24, 517-554.

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a
couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and the Family,
62, 737-745.

Gross, G. D. (2003). "Witness protection" or "I'm a seagull...no, that's not right."

Reflections, P(l), 55-59.

Hicks, M. W., McWey, L. M., Benson, K. E., & Hernandez-West, S. (2004). Using what
premarital couples already know to inform marriage education: Integration of a
Gottman model perspective. Contemporary Family Therapy, 26(1), 97-113.

Hughes, K. (2005). The adult children of divorce: Pure relationships and family values?
Journal of Sociology, 41(\), 69-86.

Kiecolt-Glaser, J., & Newton, T. (2001). Marriage and health: His and hers.
Psychological Bulletin, 127(A), 472-498.

Lorenz, F. O., Wickrama, K. A. S., Conger, R. D., & Elder, G. H., Jr. (2006, June). The
short term and decade-long effects of divorce on women's midlife health.
Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 47, 111-125.

Marquardt, E. (2005). Between two worlds: The inner lives of children of divorce. New
York: Crown Publishers.

Nock, S. L. (2005). Marriage as a public issue. The Future of Children, 15(2), 13-32.

Ochs, E., & Capps, L. (1996). Narrating the self. Annual Review of Anthropology, 25,
19-43.

Risch, G. S., Riley, L. A., & Lawler, M. G. (2003). Problematic issues in the early years
of marriage: Content for premarital education. Journal of Psychology and
Theology, 31(3), 253-269.

Robinson, J. A. (1981). Personal narratives reconsidered. The Journal of American

Folklore, 94(371), 58-85.

Robles, T. F., & Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K. (2003). The physiology of marriage: Pathways to

health. Physiology and Behavior, 79, 409-416.

52
Saleebey, D. (1994). Culture, theory, and narrative: The intersection of meaning in
practice. Social Work, 39(4), 351-359.

Santhiveeran, J. (2005). Exploring arranged marriages in my family: Negotiations of

culture, family, gender, and love in the adventures of marriage. Reflections:
Narratives of Professional Helping, 11(1), 26-34

Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sliding versus deciding:
Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect. Family Relations, 55, 499-509.

Sullivan, K. T., & Anderson, C. (2002). Recruitment of engaged couples for

premarital counseling: An empirical examination of the importance of program
characteristics and topics to potential participants. The Family Journal-
Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 10(4), 388-397.

Sullivan, K. T., Pasch, L. A., Cornelius, T., & Cirigliano, E. (2004). Predicting
participation in premarital prevention programs: The health belief model and
social norms. Family Process, 43(2), 175-193.

Svarer, M. (2004). Is your love in vain? Another look at premarital cohabitation and
divorce. The Journal of Human Resources, 39(2), 523-535.

Teachman, J. D. (2004). The childhood living arrangements of children and

characteristics of their marriages. Journal of Family Issues, 25(\), 86-111.

U.S. Census Bureau. (2003). United States census 2000: Census 2000 special reports
on married couple and unmarried partner households. Retrieved September 12,
2007, from http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/censr-5.pdf

Wallerstein, J. S. (1995). The good marriage: How and why love lasts. New York:
Houghton Mifflin.

Wallerstein, J. S. (2005). Growing up in the divorced family. Clinical Social Work

Journal, 33(4), 401-418.

Williams, R. M. (2003). Women on the inside: A year of painting with women in prison.
Reflections, 9(1), 18-29.

Wolfinger, N. H. (2000). Beyond the intergenerational transmission of divorce: Do

people replicate the patterns of marital instability they grew up with? Journal of
Family Issues, 21, 1061-1086.

Wolfinger, N. H. (2003). Parental divorce and offspring marriage: Early or late? Social
Forces, 82(1), 337-353.

53
Wright, L. M. (2005). Family nursing: Challenges and opportunities: Marriage: It
matters in sickness and in health. Journal of Family Nursing, J 1(4), 344-349.

54