Parenting Advice from Swami Sukhabodhananda

Secrets of Parenting
The beautiful atmosphere of the ashram encompasses the serenity around it. It is very pleasant to
be in the ashram. One mother experiences unpleasantness all around her. The serene atmosphere of
the ashram makes no difference to her. She shares her concerns for the upbringing of her children in
this world. How was she to keep them away from drugs, alcohol, and glamour ?
She cries with fear and pain. “Swamiji my life is miserable whenever I think of my children in this
wicked world. What should be my approach to the bringing up of my children ?”
Often I question the very genesis of such an enquiry. When we operate out of fear, we transmit the
energy of fear to our children; in a subtle way of course. If we were to operate out of trust, we
would transmit trust to our children.
We have to realise that our actions are born out of our thoughts. Our thoughts are the products of
our values and values come from our own belief system. If we belief life is miserable, we attract
misery; if we believe life is beautiful, we attract happiness. This is called the law of attraction.
We get what we focus on; so focus that good things would happen to our children. This is one of the
strong variables, which would impact our children.
But the mother asks lovingly, “Why do children detest advice ?”
The question is, are they really against advice or the way we administer it ? Every parent should be
sensitive to this aspect.
Reflect on this story :
A money minded son after having his lunch wrote a note to his mother that she owed him $25 and
he gave a detailed account - $5 for cleaning the house , $5 for washing the dishes, $15 for mowing
the lawn. The mother was shocked on reading the note. She however decided to educate her son.
In turn she kept a note on her dining table which read, ‘Oh son you owe me nothing ! My account
runs like this
$0 for cooking your food
$0 for washing your clothes
$0 for ironing your dress
$0 for cleaning your bathroom
$0 for taking you to the doctor
$0 for the present on your birthday
$0 for taking you to the school and bringing you back
Finally dear son, you owe me nothing; because I love you.
The son read this note and was deeply touched.

Children are not against advice, but they are very sensitive to the way it is administered. The heart
of education is the education of the heart.
“How can I learn to advise in this manner ?” asks the mother.
Reflect on this :
Have you observed birds building nests ? They build in such a way that when it rains, not a drop of
water falls in the nest. How did the mother bird learn the art of such an engineering feat ? It is said
that when the mother bird is pregnant, intuitively this knowledge arises. Love for the offspring brings
out this latent wisdom to build the nest.
Let your love guide you and not fear.
Love will show you the way.
The mother nods in affirmation that love is the supreme power. She further asks, ‘How to deal with
children’s’ boredom despite the variety in entertainment through media ?”
Reflect on this story :
A boy complained to his grandmother, “No one likes me at school and life is bitter. My teachers
reprimand me, friends are better than me in sport, some friends are better than me in studies, and I
feel bitter about life.’
‘Shall I make a cake for you ?’ asked the grandmother.
‘Good, I badly need to sweeten my life’ , said the boy.
After a time she gave him flour. ‘This is not cake, it is so bitter’, screamed the boy. Then she gave hm
little baking powder.
Again the boy screamed, ‘This is not cake, it is so bitter’
Then she gave him an egg.
‘This is not cake, it is not tasty ’,screamed the boy.
Then the grandmother lovingly told the boy, ‘Individually, each one of them is not tasty, but when
put together, it becomes a cake’.
‘In the same way, ‘ she said, individually your experiences are bitter, but join them together with
commitment and transformation. Add the sugar of your being and make it a cake. Life is like cooking,
you should just make it’.

[Extracted from “Oh Mind Relax Please” By Swami Sukhabodhananda. ]