Escape the Drama Triangle

the Drama Triangle and the three roles in it. If the triangular
setting is healthy and serves all players’ interests, there
might be no reason to change it. Temporary discomfort may
help people to achieve better results sometimes. However,
if the triangular relationship becomes detrimental for those
involved, and result in long-term conflicts, low performance,
and resentments, it is probably the time to escape the
triangle.
One way to identify the point to escape the Drama Triangle
is by probing the imbalance between players’ intentions as
well as in the relationship. The players should take some
distance and potentially exit the triangular setting if they
are dissatisfied with the situation. Constructive changes
help all people to refocus on the matter and the positive
sides of things. It does not matter which player initiate the
change first. All the three players are so closely bound
together, change in one will automatically provoke a change
in the relationship dynamics and the others.
So how can we escape the Drama Triangle constructively?
Here are a few steps we can consider.
Create Self-awareness
The first step to escape the Drama Triangle is to understand
what it entails, be aware of the role you are playing in a
particular circumstance, and be watchful not to take one of
the three roles.
You can ask yourself a few powerful questions to improve
your self-awareness. Questions such as: What role you are
playing in the Drama Triangle? How long you have been
playing that role? How is it serving you? Is this role where
you’d like to be? If not, what can you do to change it? What
are the actions you need to take to escape it?
By becoming self-aware of your stance in the Drama
Triangle, you will become mindful and avoid taking any role
in it. You will not be the passive Victims who’d be
dependent on others to provide solutions, or the Rescuers
who’d jump in other people’s issues uninvited, or the
Persecutors who’d criticize others without being helpful to
tackle the underlying problem.
Change and Get Help to Change
The next step after creating awareness is to take action
and implement desired changes. Note that making and
sustaining change can be challenging, as you are moving
out from your ‘comfort zone’.
It’s suggested that people can form groups and obtain
support from each other who are facing the same type of
challenges. It’s helpful to be part of a bigger group, where
you can relate to and build rapport and trust with the
people. Be part of a group helps you to realize you’re not
alone, and that you can offer and receive support,
encouragement, and innovative ideas to and from others.
An alternative is to get yourself a coach, who can help you
to gain clarity on your goals, empower you to plan actions,
implement and anchor the desired changes. This is also
discussed later in the Empowerment Triangle.

Use Non-Violent Communication (NVC)

In my last blog article, I have used a fictitious conversation
at the workplace to demonstrate the Drama Triangle in
motion. One simple way to escape the Drama Triangle in
motion is to use non-violent communication (NVC).
The NVC allows people to communicate with honesty and
empathy, instead of implying wrongness on each other. It
enables people to share their observations harmoniously,
offers a great opportunity for them to exchange feelings and
establish deep connections, helps them to understand the
needs and requests from other parties, and set the tone for
a win-win solution.
As a result, all parties are more compassionate and less
defensive, conflicts are less likely to occur, and people are
more likely to take responsibility and work collaboratively
to achieve a common goal.
Adopt the Empowerment Triangle
Womeldorff created a new triangle in The Empowerment
Dynamic (TED), in which he has pivoted the Drama Triangle
into a set of relationships or roles that are more passionate
and empowering, and can lead to a positive approach to
life’s challenges.
TED shifts the roles from the Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor to
the Creator, Coach, and Challenger. It helps us to change
 mindsets, work towards the desired outcomes, and
generate greater awareness and more options.

In the Empowerment Triangle:

 Victims change to Creators, who focus on outcomes, rather
than problems. Creators get clarity over the outcomes they
are trying to create in lives, and take responsibility for
initiating actions to achieve those desired outcomes.
 Rescuers take on the role of Coaches, who are
compassionate and believe in Creators. They empower
Creators by helping them develop goals and action plan
through inquiry. Coaches encourage challenge and support
individuals to create their own solutions, instead of solving
the problem on their behalves.
Persecutors adopt the role of Challengers, who challenge
assumptions and status quo and focus on growth and
development. They hold Creators accountable for taking
actions and making progress, they lift people up instead of
criticizing or blaming.
It is important to realise that shifting from the Drama
Triangle roles to the Empowerment Triangle roles require a
huge amount of creativity, courage and effort, especially for
someone who has assumed themselves in a particular role
for long. TED promotes a mindset change, and an
empowered and resourceful way of thinking, which see
obstacles as challenges and increases our ability to
improve options and desired outcomes.