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What Are The "Bases" In A

Relationship?
By Joanna Smykowski | Updated March 28,
2022

Medically Reviewed By Aaron Horn, LMFT

When it comes to relationships, there is a lot of

lingo that gets used. A lot of it is relatively recent
– terms like cuffing and ghosting have only come
about in the past few years. Some have been
around a little longer, such as using the phrase
“bases” to describe how far you have physically
gone with someone. In the United States, mostly
among American teenagers, baseball metaphors
for your physical intimacy with someone and sex
are often used as euphemisms.

Bases is a term that, in its origins, has to do with,

out of all things, the sport of baseball. While
explaining the entire game and its nuances would
take quite a while, all you need to know are the
basics and where bases come into play. In
baseball, the pitcher throws the player up at bat,
who tries to hit the ball. Points are scored by
making runs, and runs happen after running
around three bases and returning home.

How this analogy of bases and physical

involvement with someone became intertwined
is not quite certain. It dates back many decades,
and along the line, it has also become murky in its
definition. Here’s a simple breakdown:

First Base

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The first base is the first stop on this physical
relationship journey. It is the starting point:
kissing. While this can encompass more mild
kissing such as pecks, it generally means more
meaningful kissing, such as French kissing or the
term making out and open-mouthed kissing.

Second Base

The second base gets a little bit more serious

physically. Usually, it involves touching and is
more intimate as to where that happens. The
second base is touching about the waist. Areas
such as the breasts and nipples are touched and
fondled, especially below clothing.

Third Base

The third base goes below the waist, entering

new territory in that way. It involved touching or
the oral stimulation of the genitals, including the
penis, vagina, clitoris, and testicles. Oral sex,
while it has the word sex and insinuates the “final
destination,” is included as third base. This leads
us to our final stop as we run around the field:

Home Base (Occasionally Referred To As Fourth

Base As Well)

The home base is universal. No matter your

definitions for the rest of the bases, the home
base always means sexual intercourse. At this
point, you and your partner have connected on
an emotional level. Now, the two of you are ready
to share a physically intimate moment. This
moment should be treasured. You can express
yourself clearly to someone else who is ready to
accept you for who you are. So, respect your
partner during your act of intimacy, as they
deserve respect. Enthusiastic consent is always
necessary, and consent can be withdrawn at any
time by any person.

First base, second base, third base, and a home

run are your basic baseball euphemisms for
sexual activity, intercourse, and everything
leading up to. However, other terms are
borrowed from the sport to describe other things
within a relationship. Here are some of the other
(perhaps not as well-known) terms:

Strikeout

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This one probably sounds familiar and is used
quite often. In baseball, you get three attempts
as the batter to hit the ball so that you can
advance the game. Each missed swing is
considered a strike. After three strikes, you are
out, meaning your turn at bat is over, and the
next batter is coming up to the plate. Perhaps
you have heard the baseball song phrase: “One,
two, three strikes, you’re out! At the old
ballgame.” This is what that refers to.

Within the dating world, striking out works a

little bit differently. While in both universes, it
means you did not reach first base, in the dating
world, it is not numbered. You could strike out
endless times, or perhaps once. The “three-
strike” rule does not apply; rather, striking out
means you did not succeed with the person you
wanted to be intimate with, and the first base
was not reached. Remember that consent is
always important and that while striking out has
a negative connotation, if someone does not
want to be intimate with you, you should respect
their decision, respect their space, and move on.
Unlike baseball, striking out is not negative in the
dating and sexual world. It simply means that the
person you were interested in is either not
interested in you at all and does not want to
pursue a physical relationship with you or does
not want to be physical at that time. Even if you
are physically involved with someone, there can
be times when that person does not want to be
physical for various reasons. They do not owe
you the act of being physical, and it is important
to get consent every single time to have a safe
and happy sexual physical and sexual encounter.

It is also important to be safe in your sexual

encounters. In baseball, players not only wear a
uniform but wear gear to protect themselves.
The catcher’s gloves help you catch the base, and
the umpire wears protective gear so that the ball
does not hit or hurt them. Be sure to be safe in
your sexual encounters. Use protection and stay
educated, tested, and informed so that nothing
unwanted comes out of the situation.

Sexual arousal is different for everyone. No

matter what base you are on with your partner, it
is important to keep the line of communication
open to make sure you are both comfortable.
People get aroused differently at each base, and
talking to them during the process makes sure
that everyone is on the same page.

The bases, while they have been generally

defined here, can also be different for everyone.
Even other vague terms – such as hooking up –
can mean something different between two
people. For some, maybe it is only first base and
making out. For others, it could mean sleeping
with someone and hitting the home run. And yet,
for others, it could mean anything in between. If
you have a conversation with your partner,
friends, or family, be sure to clear up what each
base means. Some people may not want to talk
outright about their sexual escapades. Having
the baseball euphemisms as an outlet to slightly
conceal what they are saying can make everyone
more comfortable and conversation easier. Using
these terms could be easier to connect with
someone, especially if they are shy when
discussing more intimate details of their lives.

There are a few other terms that are still possibly

thrown around regarding baseball and sexual
euphemisms. They are a bit outdated but may
still be heard from time to time, so we will talk
about them here briefly. When heading to the
ballpark, we have heard some of these other
terms used as well:

Grand Slam Or Pitching/Catching

A grand slam occurs when a home run is hit by

the batter when all three bases are loaded or are
already occupied with baserunners. This allows
the team to score four full runs. Pitching is the
act of throwing the ball while catching is the act
of catching it.

In the dating world, a grand slam refers to refer

to having anal intercourse. This is a more
outdated term and was used more when
homosexuality was differentiated more than
heterosexual sex. For this reason, this can also go
under the first home run.

Switch-Hitter Or Playing For Both Teams

A switch-hitter in baseball refers to someone

who bats both right-handed and left-handed. To
connect it to the dating world, a switch-hitter
refers to those that are bisexual. The term came
up because it was seen as “batting” for both
teams – even though in baseball, a switch-hitter
still only bats with one team, but with both
hands. Someone can also use the term playing for
both teams as well when it comes to bisexuality.

Playing For The Other Team

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Playing for the other team in baseball is a literal
translation – you are playing for the other team.
As you can probably surmise from explaining the
“playing for both teams” euphemism, playing for
the other teams refers to those who are gay or
lesbian.

Remember that the sexual spectrum is much

more than straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
There are transgender, queer, pansexual,
intersexual, asexual, and so many other terms.
The entire community is no longer referred to as
LGBT but LGBTQIA+, encompassing everyone
under the gender and sexual.

There is so much to learn about the LGBTQIA+

community. Everyone in support of the
community wants to empower people who
identify as queer, LGBTQIA+, or however else
they choose by making their voices heard. They
are trying to express to people who may not
understand the community that they are trying
to live their best lives while feeling comfortable
and safe, as all people should do. Traditional
concepts of bases may leave some people out
due to their heteronormative origins, and not
identifying with them does not negate one’s own
unique sexual identity.

No matter your gender or sexual preference, you

can use these terms to describe your sexual
escapades, which is why many of the later terms
that we went into detail about, such as switch-
hitter, are outdated and not used anymore.
Generally, those terms are used less often, and
we see the bases and striking out.

If you are having difficulty regarding your

relationship – whether it is communicating,
putting yourself out there to begin a relationship,
or an obstacle with the one you are already in,
know you can get help. It’s easy – refer to ReGain
for more help.

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