AuPairCare Program

Au Pair Handbook

Ayusa International e.V. , Giesebrechtstr. 10, 10629 Berlin

Telefon: (+49) 30 84 39 39 17, Email: info@aupaircare.de
www.aupaircare.de
Content
1. Welcome to Ayusa International e.V. 5
1.1. The Ayusa staff 5
1.2. Contact information 6

2. Ayusa’s Au Pair Germany Program 7

2.1. Program Goals 7
2.2. Program guidelines – Host family & au pair responsibilities 7

3. Before the Match 9

3.1. Application & Interview 9
3.2. The matching process 12
3.2.1. Talking with a host family –the first call 12
3.2.2. Talking with a host family – the second call 13
3.2.3. Choosing the “right” family 14

4. After the match and before departure 16

4.1. The match 16
4.2. Signing of the contracts 16
4.3. Applying for your au pair visa 16
4.4. Taking out your insurance 17
4.5. Booking your flight to Germany 18

5. Pre-departure preparation 19
5.1. Obtain an international driver’s license 19
5.2. Familiarize yourself with the German traffic system 19
5.3. Make an appointment with your doctor and your dentist 20
5.4. Cultural preparation 21
5.5. Learn and practice German 22
5.6. Inform the respective institutions about your departure 23
5.7. Check the validity and make copies of important documents 23
5.8. Staying in touch 24
5.9. Packing your bags 24

6. First days in Germany 27

6.1. Settling in your new home 27
6.2. Administrative tasks upon arrival 29
6.2.1. Registering at the local citizen registration office 29
6.2.2. Attending a visa appointment at the local German immigration office 29
6.2.3. Opening a bank account 32
6.2.4. Booking a German language class 33
6.2.5. Other administrative tasks 35

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 6.2.6. Validating a foreign drivers’ license in Germany 35
6.3. Local Ayusa representative 38
6.3.1. Meeting your local Ayusa representative 38
6.3.2. Attending local Ayusa au pair meetings 39

7. Au pair life in Germany 41

7.1. Your role as a family member 42
7.1.1. Expectation management 42
7.1.2. Commitment to your host family 43
7.2. Your Job as Childcare Provider 43
7.2.1. Working hours, Days off, Vacation days and bank holidays 43
7.2.2. Professionalism 47
7.2.3. Your Childcare Responsibilities 49
7.2.4. Things to do with children 56
7.2.5. First aid for children 59
7.2.6. Communicating with your Host Family 63
7.2.7. Involving your local Ayusa representative for a mediation 65
7.3. Sharing Your Culture 66
7.3.1. Preparation 66
7.3.2. How to share your culture 66
7.3.3. Experiencing German Culture 66
7.4. Homesickness and culture shock 67
7.4.1. Dealing with culture shock 67
7.4.2. Homesickness 69
7.5. Cultural differences 72
7.5.1. German stereotypes that are true 72
7.5.2. Other important things to know about Germany 79
7.6. Family rules 86
7.7. House rules 93
7.8. Car rules 95
7.9. Insurance 97
7.10. Finances 98
7.11. Travelling 101

8. Placement termination & Rematch 103

8.1.1. Ayusa Policies and Guidelines for match terminations 103
8.1.2. Re-matching with a new host family 105
8.1.3. Program dismissal 106

9. Returning Home 106

10. Appendix 109

10.1. Host family & Au pair Contract – Translation only! 110
10.2. Terms of Use of Internet access 118
10.4. Learning and practicing German – during your stay and beforehand 121

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Dear au pair,

Ayusa International e.V. is pleased that you have applied for our au pair program in Germany. Our staff at the
Berlin office has reviewed your application, and we are confident that you have the necessary motivation,
intellectual ability, maturity, flexibility and adaptability to have a successful and enjoyable experience as an
au pair in Germany.

For most people, the occasion to live in a foreign country, study its culture, get to know its people and come
to understand its way of life is a dream that many never realize.

Ayusa is delighted to offer you this opportunity. We invite you to our au pair program in Germany, into the
home of the host family with whom you will live, and into the heart(s) of the child(ren) for whom you will be
responsible. We hope that during your stay you will learn more about the German way of life, the people and
yourself.

Our Ayusa staff created this au pair handbook to provide you with practical information about the au pair
program in Germany.

Please read the handbook carefully when you first receive it as it explains all the program guidelines, answers
frequently asked questions and helps you prepare for a successful stay in Germany.

It is important that you know what to expect and what will be expected of you while you are in Germany.
This will make you feel more secure and well prepared for your arrival.

The following comments, rules and pieces of advice are not provided to restrict you, but to guide you and to
ease your integration.

Keep in mind that there will be differences between life in Germany and your home country. These differences
are the reason you chose to become an au pair, however, with an open mind and a positive attitude your time
in Germany will be a rewarding and enjoyable experience, for you and your host family.

Thank you in advance for reading the handbook again shortly before your departure to ensure
that you start your stay with your host family with the right mindset.

We wish you a very exciting and successful stay with your German au pair host family!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Your staff at Ayusa International e.V.

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1. Welcome to Ayusa International e.V.

Ayusa International is part of Intrax Cultural Exchange; an international exchange organization headquartered
in San Francisco, California, USA. Since its founding in 1980, Intrax has developed into a truly multinational
agency with regional offices in Canada, Chile, France, Germany, Japan, South Korea, Peru and Singapore, and
a global presence in more than 80 countries. Today, Intrax employs over 1,300 individuals contributing to a
vibrant and diverse workforce. Intrax is also proud to welcome more than 20,000 participants each year into
its programs, many of them being au pairs from countries all around the world.

Ayusa International e.V. is the non-profit part of the organization. The committed Ayusa staff members have
extensive experience in educational and cultural exchange programs. Ayusa prides itself on the quality of its
programs, which result in high customer satisfaction and excellent referral rates.

Supported by a national network of about 100 representatives, Ayusa Germany is offering the following abroad
programs to German citizens: au pair, high school exchange, language classes, internships, and work & travel.
Simultaneously, Ayusa offers citizens of other countries the opportunity to become au pairs or high school
exchange students in Germany.

1.1. The Ayusa staff

Our team consists of the following members:

Ayusa
International e.V.

Head Office Field Staff

Ayusa’s Headquarters are based in Berlin, while our representatives are located in the areas where we place
our au pairs in.

We currently place au pairs in these cities and their surroundings:

 Berlin & Potsdam

 Hamburg
 The “Ruhrgebiet”, incl. Cologne & Duesseldorf
 Frankfurt
 Stuttgart
 Munich

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1.2. Contact information
If you have applied with us directly, our experienced office staff will be in continuous contact with you from
the date you applied with us until your departure in order to successfully guide you through process.

Once you have matched with one of our host families, our office staff will give you the contact details of
your local Ayusa representative. Your local representative will be your first contact person from the moment
you arrive in Germany until the end of your au pair stay. For more detailed information on our field staff see
chapter 6.3.

If you need to speak to someone immediately and your local Ayusa representative is not available, please
contact our Berlin office instead.

Ayusa office details:

Office hours: Monday – Thursday, 9.00am – 4.00pm

Friday, 9.00am – 2.30pm

Phone: (+49) 30 - 84 39 39 -19 or -30

Fax: (+49) 30 - 84 39 39 39

Email: aupair@ayusa-germany.org

Mailing Address: Ayusa International e.V.

Giesebrechtstr. 10
10629 Berlin
Germany

Ayusa 24-Hour Emergency Number: (+49) 162 - 239 92 25

(For severe health & safety emergencies call the National German Emergency Numbers: 112 or 110 instead)

If you have applied with an au pair agency in your home country, our partner agency will send us your
application to review. After we have finished processing your application, we will set up a Skype interview
with you in order for our agency to get to know you and your au pair application better.

Apart from the Skype interview, your agency will be your first point of contact until your departure.
With our support, they will settle the match with a host family on your end and guide you through the visa
process.

Once you have arrived in Germany, you will be assigned a local Ayusa representative who will be your first
point of contact throughout your stay in Germany. For more detailed information on our field staff see
chapter 6.3.

If at one point during your stay you need to speak to someone immediately and your Ayusa representative is
not available, please use the provided contact information of our Berlin office instead.

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2. Ayusa’s Au Pair Germany Program
2.1. Program Goals

Our au pair cultural exchange program allows carefully selected young women and men the opportunity to
live with a German family and to assist them with childcare.
The rewards of this program are twofold; you benefit from the enriching experience of learning about German
culture through a German host family, and your host family benefits from having consistent, reliable, in-home
childcare. Mutually, both parties gain better insight into each other’s cultures, languages and traditions.

2.2. Program guidelines – Host family & au pair responsibilities

As an au pair with Ayusa, you can be sure that your host family has been informed that they need to adhere
to the following guidelines. They agreed to:

 ensure you work no more than 30 hours per week, up to 6 hours per day
 provide you with a private bedroom
 provide you with meals each day
 pay you an au pair stipend on a monthly basis as agreed per contract
 give you a minimum of one and a half days off per week (once a month a full weekend instead)
 give you two days of paid vacation per month (4 weeks for a 12 month stay)
 provide a means of transportation for you in your area of placement (either a car or public
transportation)
 provide you with a comprehensive insurance (illness, accident, third party liability) as well as car
insurance should you drive their family’s car

 in addition, the family will also pay the flight for you from / to your home country if you stay with
the same family for the full 12 months.

In exchange, you will do the following for your host family:

 Keep their children safe at all times.

 Feed and bathe the children (depending on their age).
 Actively play with the children, not just supervise them.
 Drop off the children at school, kindergarten or for activities and pick them up again.
 Do light household chores. These chores include, but are not limited to, preparing the children’s
meals, doing their laundry, tidying up their rooms as well as doing other light chores around the
household, such as tidying up the kitchen after you prepared a meal (be it for the family or for
yourself).
 Act as a member of the family by helping with tasks around the house, such as un/loading the
dishwasher, vacuuming, setting & clearing the table, helping prepare the meals, taking out the trash,
helping with the dishes, etc. – regardless of whether it is your day off with the children. (You are still
a member of this family even when you’re “off”.)
 Act with common courtesy and respect by keeping your own room tidy, doing your own laundry and
not using your mobile phone during all meal times and on-duty hours.
 Focus exclusively on your au pair duties during working hours and not on your own private matters.
 And above all: spend quality time with the children!

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 Apart from the tasks that you should provide for your host family, it is also your responsibility to
ensure that you have sufficient German language skills (A1 level / elementary German) by the time
that you apply for your visa.

For further information see chapter 4.3 and chapter 5.5 as well as chapter 10.3.

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 3. Before the Match
3.1. Application & Interview

The entire process from the time you submit your application to when you arrive in Germany at your host
family’s home can take as little as 4-5 weeks or longer depending on whether you need to apply for a visa
before departure and on how many host families are looking for an au pair with your specific qualifications
at that time. Be patient with the process and ensure that you have done everything at your end to make the
process as smooth and quickly as possible.

Data protection

In 2018 the existing data protection law was updated and further strengthened to ensure the safekeeping of
a person’s private information. The law regulates how information may be collected, processed and stored.

As part of this process, Ayusa has created a data protection leaflet advising our participants on the above.
You will have received this leaflet when we sent you our application dossier by email. You can also find a
copy of it at the back of the handbook.

 Please note, without the signed data protection sheet we cannot continue the application process!

Your application

Once you have completed your application, collected all the references and supporting documents (e.g.
medical record, police check, etc.) and signed the data protection sheet, you can send it to us in order for
us to review it all. It is your choice whether you send it to us by email or by using our secure data cloud as
instructed in our application email.

Upon receipt of your documents, we will review them. Should something be missing, you will be informed
about it by email.

The interviews

Consequently, and if all is in order, we schedule an interview with you. This thorough interview will take
about an hour plus, depending also on how many questions you have. It will be conducted via Skype. Be sure
to have read this handbook by then!

The interview with our office staff is the last step of the application process. Once you have successfully
passed the interview and we have approved your application, we will start presenting it to our registered and
screened host families in Germany. We will let you know when a family is interested in interviewing you.

Interview guidelines

When interviewing with either our staff or a potential host family, remember that you are interviewing for a
proper job opportunity! We expect our au pair candidates to dress appropriately and look professional.

 First impressions do matter! So, dress to impress and be prepared to answer the questions of the
potential host family.

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  Don’t forget to ask the families questions, too! Turn to page 12 to get an idea on what questions to
ask them.

Here are some tips on how to prepare for an interview

An interview is an interview:

 Whether you are being interviewed on Skype, over the phone or in person, all the general rules of a
job interview apply! Read the application of the host family thoroughly, know your resume (childcare
related) inside out and have a few answers for common au pair related interview questions prepared.
Just because you are not meeting the interviewer in the flesh doesn't mean any less preparation is
involved.

Clean up your room:

 Your surroundings can be just as important as your personal presentation, regardless whether the
interview is being conducted from your home or in a public environment. Clean up your room, as you
don't want anything in the background to distract the interviewer from what you have to say.

Keep the noise down:

 Finding a quiet place to do the interview is vital as the microphone picks up more background noise
than you might think. Dogs barking, children crying, mobile phones or music are not welcome
distractions when an interviewer is trying to determine whether you will be suitable for a job. Nor
does it look good if you have people walking in and out of the room – if need be, make yourself a 'do
not disturb' sign and stick it on the door.

Get the technology right:

 Make sure you create a username on Skype that’s professional and can be easily found.
Test the quality before the interview by going through a ‘test call with Skype’ and check that your
webcam is functioning properly, as you will need it.

How to Dress:

 Dress casual but smart.

You should not look like “you have just fallen out of bed” and should also not be too comfy, e.g. wear
a hoodie, a stained shirt or your pajamas for that matter.
 Keep accessories to a minimum.
 Your hair should be clean, combed and off your face.

Some final interview reminders:

 The golden rule with a Skype interview is to treat it like any other face-to-face meeting. There is a
real person on the other end of the call, so treat them like one.
 Smiling is a big one - this makes you look positive, confident and enthusiastic about the job you are
applying for. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 Consider “digital personal space”. Sit front and center and not too close to the camera and make eye
contact by looking straight into the camera when talking.

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  Don't shout, but speak loudly and clearly. Sometimes with video calls there may be a delay with the
picture.
But most of all, relax. By the time, you have done your research, know your stuff and look great, all
you have to do now is work the camera.

Communication in general

Cross cultural communication can be tricky at times. Something that is custom in one country, can cause
offense in another. One should be aware of these differences in order not to cause offense unintentionally.

While Germans are sometimes perceived as rude by other nations, as they are often very direct in their
communication and get to the facts very quickly; Germans themselves place a high importance on proper
communication, especially in letters and emails!

Whenever you write an email or letter to a German, always start your conversation with a proper greeting,
like “dear family XYZ” or “dear” followed by first name but only if you already know the person or the person
has signed their communication with you, using only their first name.

Starting an email or letter with just the person’s first name as a greeting or no greeting at all, will be con-
sidered very rude by that person.

The same applies to ending an email or letter. Do not finish a written communication with a German without
using the appropriate salutation. A simple “Yours” or “Best” plus your name is much better than no end
salutation at all.

Availability

Time and time again it happens that host families contact our office because they have not received a reply
from the au pair to their request to speak on Skype.

After your application has been approved by our office staff, we will immediately start circulating your ap-
plication with our host families.
It can happen fairly quickly that we get back to you with the application of a potential host family.
As we will give this family your contact details, you will receive an email from them, too, introducing them-
selves to you and suggesting a date & time to talk on Skype.
As the family is looking forward to speaking with you, there is nothing worse for them then to not receive a
response from you at all, be it positive or negative.

You should therefore always strive to get back to the family within 24-48 hours of receipt of their email. If
you cannot make the suggested time, let them know and offer alternative dates & times instead.
Not responding to them at all because you are (perceived) too busy, will give off a bad impression and might
potentially lead to the family not being interested in talking with you at all.

If you are unreachable for an extended period of time, please let us know beforehand so we can pass on this
information to interested families accordingly.

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3.2. The matching process

When an au pair and a host family like each other and mutually agree to spend the au pairs’ stay in Germany
together, then it’s called a “match”. Before a “match” occurs, you first have to interview with at least one
of our registered and screened host families.

3.2.1. Talking with a host family –the first call

When a family has reviewed your application and would like to talk with you, we (or the agency of your home
country) will notify you by email.
We will provide you with the host family’s application, which includes important information such as their au
pair expectations, au pair tasks, their photos and ideally a letter to you.

Usually the family will contact you first by email to set up a date & time convenient to you both.
If you like, you can contact the host family proactively instead. You will find their contact details in their
application. Introduce yourself briefly, state that you look forward to speaking with them and suggest dates
& times to speak with each other on Skype. Families are often pleasantly surprised when the au pair takes
the initiative.

 Regardless of who contacts who first, be sure to have prepared a list of questions ahead of time to
ask the family!

Here is a list of questions you can ask a host family who you speak to for the first time:

 What expectations do you have of this program?

 What are you looking for in an au pair? What skills do you consider most important for your au pair?
 What will be my role in your family? (family member, friend, helper / employer)
 What would be my tasks as your au pair in regard to your children?
 What household duties will be my responsibility? (sole / shared)
 What would my typical work schedule look like with your family?
 What language would you like me to use to talk to your children? (Important question!)
 Will I be required to speak in German at all? If not, will I have the chance to speak German during
my stay?
 (Would you like me to teach your children Spanish, too?)
 What are the children’s hobbies? What are their likes and dislikes?
 Do your children have allergies or any medical conditions I should be aware of?
 How do you raise your children? What is important for you?
 Do you have any specific rules for your children regarding TV time, sweets per day?
 How do you reprimand your children (if at all) when they are misbehaving?
 Have you had an au pair before? How would you describe your experience with him/her?
 What would be a no-go / a situation or action I should avoid during my stay?
 What are your expectations in terms of house rules, visitor rules, free-time, vacation, etc.?
 When would you like your au pair to start working for your family (precise date or month)
 What length of stay were you looking for?

 Note:
- this is not a complete and ultimate list of questions to ask your host family!
While you should have covered these topics in your first (or second) talk with your host family,
we do expect our au pairs to ask their own individual questions, too!

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 - If you speak with several host families at a time, be sure to ask them the same questions.
This will make it easier for you later on to decide which family you see yourself living with
the most. It is always helpful to take some notes during/after your interview when you
speak to several families in order to keep an overview.

- You should have an in-depth conversation with each host family in order to get a good idea
of who they are and whether you could see yourself living with them.

During this initial conversation, the family may also confirm some aspects of your application that are
important to them, such as your previous childcare experiences, your expectations of this program and your
driving ability.

 Please remember that English is not the family’s native language, just as it might not be yours either.
Speak slowly and clearly and be patient with the family if they have a hard time expressing
themselves in English.

After the talk

Families often ask whether the au pair has left any feedback for them. Thus, please inform our Ayusa office
(or your partner agency) about the outcome of your conversation, once you have spoken with the family!
Equally, we will pass on their comments to you.

 Also, it is considered polite in Germany to send a short thank you note by email to the host family.

If you are not interested in speaking with a family for a second time, please inform our office about it.
Likewise, if a family decides that you are not suitable for their particular family situation, they will not call
you a second time.

3.2.2. Talking with a host family – the second call

If the host family believes your personality fits in with their family and your skills meet their needs, they will
suggest setting up a second chat with you.
This allows you and the host family to carefully consider the first conversation and to talk more about specific
details or about queries that might have arisen after the first talk.

 Make sure to clarify any topics that have not been discussed in-depth during the first call.

Also take time to get to know the family’s personality better. Ask them about their culture, traditions and
why they are interested in hosting an au pair.

Here is a list of questions you can ask a host family when you speak to them for the second time:

 What are some activities that your family likes to do? How do you like to spend your free time as a
family?
 What is your favorite food (host parents, children)?
 What are some traditions that your family values?
 What holidays do you celebrate? And how?
 What are your rules on, e.g. visitors, guest staying overnight, vacation time?
 What is your city/neighborhood like?

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  What is the public transportation system in your city/town like?
 What kind of driving would I need to do while caring for the children?
 Do you have any vacations planned yet? Will you be spending your vacations alone or with your au
pair?
 Have you ever been to (name of your home country)? What did you do? See? Experience?

Again, the list above is not exhaustive but should rather be used as a guideline for your second talk with the
family. If you haven’t asked them all the questions from the first list or the questions you have thought of
yourself, then cover these, too.

Also, if the host family is currently hosting an au pair or has done so in the past, feel free to ask them for the
contact details of their au pair as s/he can give you an insight to the family from an au pair’s perspective.

3.2.3. Choosing the “right” family

Just like there is no perfect au pair, there is also no perfect host family!
All German host families are different.

There are:

 two-parent families and single parents

 families with two parents working or just one
 families with just one child – or five children
 families with babies or older children or both
 families who live right in the heart of a city, while others live in the suburbs or even out of town.
 families who are very active and “always on the go”, while other families prefer to stay home and
relax
 families who are looking for a new family member in their au pair, while others are more looking for
a helping hand who is independent from them

The family that might suit one au pair might be completely unsuitable for another au pair.
It always comes down to chemistry.

 If the chemistry is right between you and the family you interviewed with, then it doesn’t matter
whether it is the first family you spoke to or the fourth!

In fact, it’s quite a phenomenon that au pairs who speak with up to three families at a time, often choose
the family they spoke with first.

If you happen to speak with several families at a time and like them all equally, it often comes down to
criteria like, e.g. earliest start date, length of stay and au pair tasks with this particular family.

The best advice we can give you is to:

 Ask each family the same questions. This way it will be much easier for you to make a decision.
 Speak with a family at least twice before making a decision.
 Follow your gut feeling.
Once you have made a decision in favor of a family, let the family know to see whether they feel the same
way about you.

14
Sometimes families also speak with several au pairs at a time. If they cannot decide between you and another
au pair, knowing that you would like to match with them, will make it easier for them to decide, too.

Ayusa’s matching process is a mutual match. Both, the host family and the au pair, can make a decision about
whether they want to match with each other.

You should seriously consider a match offer when a family invites you to match with them. When you agree
to a match with a family, you make a commitment! Your host family relies on you to stick to it.

Be sure to match with a family who you feel excited about. You should match with a family where you feel
confident that you fit in well with them and that you have the necessary skills and experience to meet their
children’s needs.

Your primary concern should not be the location of the host family as au pairs often quickly fall in love with
their new community, once they have made new friends.

Turn to the next page to learn more about the processing of your placement with one of our host families.

15
4. After the match and before departure
4.1. The match
Once you and a family both agree that you would like to spend your stay in Germany together, you have a
“match”. Congratulations!

Now it’s time to make it official.

1) The first thing you need to do is to settle on a start date!

Try to settle on a date as specific as possible to make it easier for your host family to schedule
their childcare until your arrival.

2) Let us know about your match!

Your host family should now contact the Ayusa office in Berlin. If you have applied with us directly, you should
do the same by emailing us.

If you have applied with an agency in your home country, please inform them about your match. Our partner
agency will then pass on the good news to us.

Once we have been notified by both parties about the match, we will start the process to finalize the match.

4.2. Signing of the contracts

 Once we have drawn up the host family & au pair contract, we will send it to your host family to sign
first. After they have returned the signed contract to us, we will pass it on to you to sign too.
If you come from one of our partner agencies, we will send the contract to your agency for them to
pass it on to you.

- We will need back the signed contract by both parties in order to continue the process!

4.3. Applying for your au pair visa

 If you come from one of the EU countries or are a (valid) passport holder of an EU country, then the
visa application process doesn’t apply to you.
For further instruction read chapter 6.2.1.

 If you come from the USA, Canada, Australia or New Zealand then this step will take place only after
you have arrived in Germany.
For further instruction read chapter 6.2.1.

 If you are from one of the Central or South American countries or from an African Country, we will
start the visa process now.

According to German au pair regulations you must apply for an au pair visa in your home country and
before your departure.

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  The au pair visa is valid for min. 6 months and max. 12 months. Once the visa has
been issued, it cannot be changed, so choose the length of your visa wisely!

- For au pairs who have agreed with their host families on a shorter program length than 12
months, we still recommend visa application for the maximum length (12 months) as it allows
flexibility with the end dates of your stay! Once the visa is no longer needed, it can be
cancelled before its expiration date.

- You and your host family will receive a comprehensive email with the visa documents
attached, along with detailed instructions how to fill out these documents correctly. The
email to you will also contain instructions how to set up an appointment with the Embassy
and what further documents to bring to the visa appointment.

- Don’t worry, before you attend the visa appointment at the Embassy, we will double check
the visa documents of you and your host family to ensure they are correct. If you are from
one of our partner agencies, they will support you during this process. For all direct applicants
the Ayusa office will check the documents.

- In order to successfully pass the interview at the Embassy to be granted an au pair visa, you
must have sufficient German skills! This means that you need at least A1 level skills in
German.

- Even though you will sit an oral language exam during the visa appointment, you still need a
certificate to officially prove your language skills. Thus, before booking and attending a visa
appointment at the Embassy be sure that you fulfil this requirement!

- If you have not obtained an A1 certificate in German yet, you must do so now. Either you
attend a German intensive language course at your local language school or at the renowned
Goethe Institute or you book a sufficient number of hours at an online language provider like
Proaupairs24 (https://www.proaupairs24.com). For more information on Proaupairs24
languages classes turn to chapter 10.4.

- Once you have obtained the A1 certificate you can proceed with the visa appointment.

- After the visa interview at the Embassy let us / your agency know how it went. We will then
send your visa documents to one of the visa authorities in Germany to help speed up the visa
process in general.

- Once your visa has been processed, the Embassy will contact you directly to advise you of
the result (visa granted or denied).

- Only once the visa has been approved, we can start looking into flights.

4.4. Taking out your insurance

 Along with the contracts to sign, we will send your host family information on taking out an au pair
insurance for you. We have been successfully working with the insurance provider Dr. Walter for some
years now, which is why we recommend them to our host families.

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 Nevertheless, it is the choice of your host family which insurance provider they choose. As long as
you are covered for (acute) illness, accident and third-party liability that’s all that matters. It is also
the choice of the family when precisely they take out the insurance for you as long as you are covered
from the time you arrive in Germany.

 Once insurance has been booked for you, we will send you all the necessary information.

 For all au pairs who need to apply for a visa before coming to Germany: taking out an insurance for
you is part of the visa process as you will need to bring proof of insurance with you when attending
the visa appointment at the Embassy.

Note for all au pairs: no au pair insurance in Germany covers pre-existing medical conditions. If
you have a pre-existing medical condition, like e.g. Asthma, etc. and need regular medication or
doctor’s visits, we strongly recommend for you to take out an extra insurance for this condition.

4.5. Booking your flight to Germany

 Booking the flight usually is the last step of the after matching process (but not the last step in the
overall pre-departure process)
.
If you have signed an au pair contract to stay and work for the same family for the full
12 months, then the family pays the flight, while you pay for your own luggage checking fees.

 Once we know the exact date you would like to travel as well as your departure airport, we will ask
the flight wholesaler we work with to look for suitable flights.

 We will then present you and your host family with a possible flight option. If the flight suits you
both, we will finalize the booking process and send you the electronic flight ticket number
afterwards.

 If you have committed to less than 12 months, you will take care of your own travel arrangements.
In this case, speak with the family what date suits them most to pick you up from their nearest
airport. Often the best day for families is the weekend. Once you have booked the flight, send
confirmation of it to your host family and to the Ayusa office.

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5. Pre-departure preparation
Once all the steps of the after matching process have been done, it is time to take care of some other
important tasks before your departure.

5.1. Obtain an international driver’s license

 If you are planning on driving in Germany or need to, according to your host family, you will have to
obtain an international driver’s license (IDP) prior to leaving your home country.

 Check if your national driver’s license is valid for at least 6 months after your au pair stay in Germany
before applying for an IDP. Your IDP will only be valid in connection with your valid national driver’s
permit and only for 12 months from the day it was issued!
Thus, be sure to apply for it only shortly before departure but with enough time to spare to get it
before you head to Germany.

 The IDP can be obtained at your local AAA office.

Note: you will only be allowed to legally drive in Germany with your national and
international driver’s permit for a maximum of six months. Once you are in Germany you
will need to either get an extension of this rule or replace your national driver’s license with
a German driver’s license.

For more detailed information see chapter 6.2.6.

5.2. Familiarize yourself with the German traffic system

 If you are supposed to drive in Germany as part of your au pair duty or are planning to drive in your
leisure or vacation time, we strongly recommend familiarizing yourself with the German traffic and
road system before your departure.

 While the majority of traffic rules and signs may be the same as in your country, there are still enough
regulations that can make all the difference between following traffic rules in Germany correctly –
or getting pulled over by the police.

 Just search on the Internet “Driving in Germany” and it will come up with many different websites,
telling you all about the traffic rules that apply in Germany, German road signs and lots of other
useful information to help you prepare for it.

Note: we drive on the right side of the road and the majority of cars in Germany are still
stick shift cars, not automatic. If you are only used to driving an automatic, see if you can
get some practice with a stick shift car before your departure.

If your driver’s license only allows you to drive automatic in your home country, you will only
be able to drive automatic in Germany, too. Check with your host family whether this causes
a problem or not.

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5.3. Make an appointment with your doctor and your dentist

Now is the time to schedule a dental exam and a general doctor’s check-up in your home country
before you leave for Germany. Dental care is expensive in Germany and non-emergency procedures
are not covered in the insurance. This includes elaborate dental consultations due to cavity, caries,
a loosened dental crown, etc.

 The same goes for any pre-existing medical conditions. As you know from the interview with the Ayusa
office, those are not covered in the au pair insurance, either.

Pre-existing medical conditions

 If you have any pre-existing medical conditions, consider purchasing an extra insurance for
it. Your doctor will be able to advise you about the necessity.

 Be sure to read through the information of the insurance provided by your host family to find
out about insurance exclusions.

 If you are currently taking medication or wear eyeglasses or contact lenses, then speak with
your doctor about it, too.
Note: It is quite likely that we do not have your certain brand of medication here in Germany
or that you cannot get it without a prescription as the law is much stricter in Germany! Your
doctor should be able to advise you on how much of your medication you can take with you
to Germany legally. Alternatively do some research on your medication in regard to German
custom regulations.

 During your stay, you will most likely have to see a doctor to get a refill of your doctor’s
prescription. This particular doctor’s consultation/ anamnesis, the prescription and the
medication are not covered in the au pair insurance and will have to be paid by yourself
(thus, you may want to take out an extra insurance for this condition, if possible).

 To make it easier for the German doctor to prescribe the right medication for you, you should
get a detailed statement from your own doctor before departure. This statement should list
the name of condition, the treatment (if needed), name of medication(s), the chemical
composition of medication, dosage, etc.

 Furthermore, at the airport you might have to show the above-mentioned doctors statement
along with an extra medical travel statement (ask Ayusa to send you a copy of it) to explain
to airport security and customs staff the amount of medication in your luggage (airport safety
guidelines).

 Check also where to store your medication when flying (in carry-on luggage or cargo) due to
some medications reacting to temperature differences. If it needs to be stored in your carry-
on luggage, your doctor’s statement should say so.

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5.4. Cultural preparation

When going to a foreign country for a certain amount of time, it is always recommendable to read up on the
country beforehand. Chances are that it will be rather different from your own in regard to culture, food,
climate, way of life and so on.
While we strongly encourage you to do your own research on the internet about Germany, here are some fast
facts about the country you will au pair in.

Official language: German

Capital: Berlin (also largest city in Germany)

Government: Federal Republic, divided into 16 federal provinces (Bundeslaender)

Population: 81 million

Area: 357,168 km² (137,847sq mi)

Currency: Euro ( € or EUR) This is the only currency accepted here.

Climate: moderate continental climate with cold winters and warm summers

Time Zone: winter: CET (UTC +1) and in summer CEST (UTC +2)

Member of the EU: yes (Germany belongs also to the Schengen States)

Borders with Denmark, the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Luxembourg,

Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic and Poland

And geography wise: with the Alps (mountains) in the south, the North Sea in the
Northwest and the Baltic Sea in the Northeast

Best known cities in Germany: Berlin, Munich (München), Hamburg, Frankfurt, Cologne
(Köln), Düsseldorf, Stuttgart, Nuremberg (Nürnberg)

Getting around: by car, by train (www.bahn.de), overland buses (i.e.

(Flixbus) and locally by bus, underground train
(U-Bahn), commuter train (S-Bahn) or tram

Driving on the road: on the right side

Important bank holidays:
New Year’s (1st Jan); Easter (Ostern); 1st May (Labor Day);
Ascension Day in May (Christi Himmelfahrt), Whit Sun (Fr-
Mon) in May; 3rd October -Day of German Unity (Tag der
Deutschen Einheit in 1990); Christmas Eve (24th Dec),
1st and 2nd Christmas Day (25th and 26th Dec)

Calling code: 00 49

National Emergency Number: 112 (and 110 for non-medical emergencies)

For additional information about Germany visit websites like http://www.germany-tourism.de/,

http://www.young-germany.de/ or https://www.tatsachen-ueber-deutschland.de/en

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5.5. Learn and practice German

This is a very important matter:

1. if you are an au pair from one of the Central or South American or African countries, you will apply
for your au pair visa before coming to Germany. Therefore, knowing at least the basics of German (=
A1 / elementary level/ Level 101) is essential and THE main requirement to successfully pass the visa
appointment at the embassy in your home country!

2. if you are an au pair from the USA, Canada, Australia or New Zealand, you will apply for a
“permission to work as an au pair” (Au pair Aufenthaltstitel) after you have arrived in Germany. It is
like an au pair visa, except that you apply for it in-country instead of abroad.

Nevertheless, to be granted this au pair permission after your arrival in Germany you must have
sufficient German skills. This means that you need at least A1 level skills in German by the time you
apply for this permission. (for further information turn to the visa chapters)

If you have not started practicing German right after your interview with our office (as we had
strongly suggested to you at that time), you must definitely get started now! Be sure to use the time
to get your German up to scratch.

Apart from it being a visa requirement, knowing at least the basics of German (A1 level) prior to arrival will
make the adjustment period much easier in Germany, regardless of where you are from. It also helps you to
become more self-confident and independent in Germany.

Furthermore, trying to improve your German skills shows your interest and commitment to the Ayusa au pair
program which your host family will greatly appreciate.
It will also make communication with your host children easier in the beginning when they only know very
few words in English or none at all.

Asia, a 23 year old au pair from Michigan, USA states:

“When going to any country to work and live it is very important to learn the language beforehand.
Also, I personally believe that learning the language shows the interest level you have with
connecting to your child, host family and culture.”

The best way to learn German is, of course, to attend a language class at a local community college or
language school. The added advantage is that you get a certificate in the end which you will most likely need
for the immigration office in Germany or the German Embassy in your home country.

If you do not have the resources to attend language classes at a fixed time at a local language school or to
pay for a renowned language school like the Goethe Institute, then maybe an online language provider like
Proaupairs24 (https://www.proaupairs24.com) might be the better choice for you.

Compared to e.g. Rosetta Stone, Proaupairs24 is an online language course provider that offers online classes
with real teachers and other students. Classes are small in size. They also take place at different dates &
times per week, providing thereby students with the possibility to find a class that suits them most. When a
student has achieved a certain level of German, i.e. A1, Proaupairs24 is able to provide the student with a
language certificate.

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For more information on Proaupairs24, turn to the Appendix at the back of this handbook.

If you had previously accumulated some German language skills but are unsure what level you are on, use a
free online German test like i.e. www.cornelsen.de/sprachtest (or any other test) to determine the level of
German you have.

As long as your German language skills exceed A1 level (and you have a certificate of sorts to prove it) you
don’t necessarily need to practice your German further. It doesn’t hurt though, to do so nevertheless. In that
case you can use some “free German learning websites” on the internet such as (but not limited to):
http://www.duolingo.com, http://www.livemocha.com or http://www.languagetransfer.org/ etc.

 In summary: learning and practicing German prior to departure is of equal importance for all au
pairs, regardless of their visa status!

5.6. Inform the respective institutions about your departure

Now also is the time to inform the institutions that need to know that you will be out of the country for a
while. This may be your university or college, your mobile phone company (in case you have a contract), your
gym or other sports club, your bank (if you pay monthly fees or have a loan to pay off) and any governmental
institution that you get financial or other support from (e.g. child support, Job center, etc.).

Note 1: You will keep your permanent residence in your home country

Note 2: Also figure out whether your mobile phone is compatible to the German mobile system and / or
whether it has a region lock that needs to be lifted. You will also most likely need an adapter and voltage
converter. Make sure to look into it before your departure.

And last but not least give your own family back home the phone number and address of your host family and
show them how to use Skype in order to contact you while you are in Germany.

5.7. Check the validity and make copies of important documents

 Check the expiration date of all your important documents to ensure that they are valid during your
entire stay in Germany. Your passport i.e. needs to be valid for another 6 months after your return
home.

 Make 2 sets of copies of your passport, driver’s license, IDP, visa (if you had to apply for it before
your departure), German language certificate, bank cards and any other document that is important
for you and that you will bring with you to Germany. Leave one set at home with your family and
bring the other set with you to Germany. This way it should be easier to obtain replacement should
you misplace or lose any of those documents.

 If at any time you lose your passport, visa or another important document, inform your host family
about it and file an official report with the police (local immigration office) and the Embassy of your
home country.

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5.8. Staying in touch
If your departure is not for another couple of months make sure that you stay in regular contact with your
host parents and children by emailing and skyping with them.

It is the perfect opportunity to get to know them better, especially the children. Figuring out their likes and
dislikes will make it easier for you to research respective activities and games. Draw up a list of those favored
activities and games to then incorporate them in your daily life with children once you are in Germany.

Another bonus is that the children will be used to you by the time you arrive, thus making the first few days
less awkward and reducing the time they need to adjust to you.

This way it will also be less stressful for you to settle in and find your place in the family.

5.9. Packing your bags

Now it’s time to pack your bags and say goodbye to your family and friends for a certain period of time.

As you probably know, many airlines charge a fee for an additional piece of checked-in luggage.

 You are responsible for paying this fee as well as any fees for oversize or overweight luggage!

Thus, once you know what airline(s) you will be flying with, check on the airline(s) website(s) on luggage
allowance for overseas flights and luggage measurements as regulations differ from airline to airline.

Also, check the airline(s) website(s) you’re flying with in regard to luggage restrictions for weight and sensi-
tive items (like liquids and items that could be used as a weapon)!

When in doubt – leave it out!

 There is no need for you to pack every item of clothing in your closet. Pack a few of your favorite
clothes (for warmer and colder days) and bring some clothes you can wear when taking care of your
host children because being around kids can sometimes be quite messy.

 Also, cosmetic & personal hygiene items here are much cheaper than in most countries!. Do not over-
pack on any of these items, because you can easily buy them after you have arrived in Germany.
Having said that, you should definitely bring travel sized hygiene items with you to cover you for the
first few days in Germany, full-sized bottles will, however, just increase the weight of your suitcase.

 Remember the airline’s restrictions on “liquid items” in your carry-on luggage!

- Examine everything that you pack in your carry-on luggage and evaluate whether an object
could be scrutinized by security at the airport.

 When packing your bags check up on Germany’s weather conditions as it does get cold here.

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Here is a list of items that you must bring with you:

 ** Your valid passport (and visa if you had to obtain it prior to departure)

 ** Other important documents such as: your driver’s license, International Driver’s Permit (IDP) and
photocopies of all important documents

 ** A print out of your electronic flight ticket with the airline booking number on it

 ** Sufficient funds to cover you for the first month in Germany until you get paid.
Ayusa recommends that you bring a minimum of 400.00 – 500.00 Euros (no other currency)
to cover expenses prior to your first paycheck. This should be done not only in cash but with a credit
card also.

 ** Your host family’s contact details. Save all important phone numbers (your host family, Ayusa,
etc.) as well as your host family’s address on your mobile phone and write them on a piece of paper,
too, to put in your wallet (in case your mobile is running low on battery)

 Electronic equipment. Make sure you check the required voltage for the devices first and bring along
a converter / adaptor.

 ** Medications and original prescriptions that you might need in Germany, along with a doctor’s
statement for the airline and airport security and customs staff!

 ** Bring along evidence of German knowledge, e.g. language school certificates, grade sheets from
your school, college or university as you will need it for the immigration office.

 Your signed host family & au pair contract –along with the translation

 Some small welcome gifts for your host parents and children

 ** Some toiletries (according to airline security regulations) and a toothbrush

 ** Sufficient sets of clothes to work with the children and without over packing. (put one change of
clothes in your carry-on luggage)

 Some articles (i.e. music, books, photos) that will remind you of home

 The items marked with ** should be put in your carry-on luggage!

Here is a list of items that you want to leave at home:

 A large supply of toiletries as they are heavy and will make your bag be overweight

 Sheets, towels and linens as your host family will supply you with those

 A large amount of clothes, shoes, cosmetics, books, etc. as they are inexpensive to purchase in
Germany

25
Prior to leaving for the airport

 Confirm your flight status 24 hours before proceeding to the airport. You can do this online on the
airline’s website or by calling the airline directly.

 Print off your electronic flight ticket if you haven’t done so yet and take it with you to the airport,
along with your passport (and visa). Put these documents in your carry-on luggage.

Your departure to Germany

Getting to the airport

 Airport security screening procedures have increased significantly over the past few years. Be sure
to arrive at the airport 2 – 3 hours prior to departure and depending on whether you fly domestically
or international first. Check the airports website for precise timings!

Upon arrival at the airport

 You should check in for your flight at the appropriate check in counter. Confirm with the check in
counter officer that your luggage is checked through all the way to Germany.
Be sure to keep your host family’s address and phone number in your carry-on luggage.

At the security checkpoint

 Access beyond security is restricted to passengers and employees only. Have your boarding pass, your
paperwork and passport available. You will not be permitted past the security check-in area without
these documents. Be prepared to demonstrate the operation of electronic equipment such as laptops,
cell phones, etc. Be prepared for increased times for passenger and baggage-security screenings.

At the gate
 Maintain your sense of awareness and keep your possessions with you at all times. Keep your boarding
pass, paperwork and identification available.

 Pay attention to announcements so that you are aware of any delays or changes regarding your flight.

Have a safe flight! We are looking forward to welcoming you in Germany!

26
6. First days in Germany

Welcome to Germany!

When arriving in Germany have your passport, (visa) and luggage receipts available for verification through
airport security staff. Claim your bags, go through customs and follow the signs directing you to the arrival
hall. Here your host family will be waiting to pick you up.

The first few days and weeks in Germany

When your host family picks you up at the airport, you will know that your au pair adventure is really about
to start. This is the moment you have been looking forward to. It may be both exciting and scary at the same
time. That’s OK – because chances are that your host family is just as excited and nervous as you are,
especially if you are their first au pair.
It will take some time to settle in and feel completely comfortable around each other. This is normal.

 Give yourself time to adjust. Relax and remember to smile, because smiling truly is the international
language.

It is also totally normal to feel tired and disoriented for the first few days due to the jetlag your body is
experiencing. Try not to give in and sleep at “odd hours” during the day but try to stay awake until the
evening. This will make it easier for your body to adjust to German time.

6.1. Settling in your new home

When you arrive at your host family’s home, it may feel like there are a million things to do all at once. There
is certainly a lot to learn about your new family, children, responsibilities and community. Over the years,
though, Ayusa has found out that there are some things that really do need to be handled in your first few
days with your host family. Others can wait and be addressed within the first few weeks of living in your new
home.

In the few days of your stay with your host family, you should:

 Spend time together: Play with the children and spend as much time with the host family as possible.
Show the family that you care about them. You may feel shy or homesick, but spending time with
your new host family will help you bond with them and become comfortable more quickly than if you
spend your free time alone in your room.

 Tour of the neighborhood: During these first few days your host family will probably give you a tour
of their local area. If not, then ask to be shown around their local neighborhood.

- Ask how to get from the host family’s home to specific locations where you’ll need to take
the children to: kindergarten, school, activities, playgrounds, nearest bus stop, etc.
- Ask how to find the nearest supermarket, bank, post office, doctors office, library, local parks
– and your language school.
- Ask them to explain to you the opening hours of stores and how the public transportation
works.

27
 - If your (GPS of your phone isn’t working, ask them whether they can provide you with a map
of the area, too.
- Familiarize yourself with your new surroundings and don’t be afraid to ask questions!

- If your host family has previously hosted an au pair and s/he is still with the family at the
time of your arrival, it may well be her/his task to show you around. Use this time to get a
better insight of the family from an au pair’s perspective. Feel free to also ask her what
helped her/him to settle in easier and how s/he made friends in the area.

 Tour of the house / apartment: Ask your host parents to provide a tour of how everything works in
their home.

- How do the house keys and locks work?

- Is there a house or car alarm? If so, how should you use it?
- How do the dishwasher, washer, dryer, microwave, stove and oven work?
- What child-proofing efforts do you need to use to keep their children safe?
(If they have a pool, what do you need to know about how to use it safely?)
- What household tasks are your responsibility and which are shared amongst the family
members

 House & Equipment Rules: If you haven’t discussed it during the interview yet, ask your host parents
about “house rules.” Your host family may have guidelines about:

- Day visitors & overnight guests / friends & family coming to visit you / you staying away over
night at weekends (curfew)
- Usage of their car
- You using the family’s internet / file sharing websites
- Usage of your phone during “on duty hours”
- And a variety of other things. Ask them if they have any rules they would like you to follow
while you are living with them.

 Also, be sure to set up a time to talk with your host parents about questions you have regarding the
children & disciplinary approach and how they feel about their children

- watching TV
- using the computer or iPad
- the limit of sweets per day the children are allowed to have

 Set up a time for regular weekly meeting with your host parents. This will be a time when you can
share challenges and successes, ask questions and set goals for the coming week.

Set up this time now so that you and your host family set the habit of reserving time each week to
communicate about successes and areas where you can both contribute to a more successful
experience.
This may also be the time each week when your host family plans the schedule for the following
week.

 Advice:
- Even if you are feeling tired, do pay attention and do take some notes (!), as it will
help you settle in faster and get adjusted quicker to the routine of your family.

28
 - Be sure to take advantage of those first few days to rest and get to know your new home; it
will not be long before both parents will be back to work and you are responsible for the
children.

Your local Ayusa Representative will call you within 48 hours after your arrival to make sure that you are
settling in well. If you do not hear from your local coordinator within three days, please call the Ayusa office
in Berlin.

During this “Welcome call” your Ayusa Representative will also schedule a visit to your host family’s home
which will take place about three weeks after your arrival. This personal visit is to ensure that you are settling
in well with your host family and that you have established a routine together.

6.2. Administrative tasks upon arrival

The first few days/ weeks must also be used to schedule and attend important appointments in Germany
and to take care of important administrative matters.
If you can accomplish all of these tasks listed in this chapter, you’ll be well on your way to settling in
smoothly. Even after your first few weeks, you may not feel totally settled, but you will have built the
groundwork for participating in the community and your host family in a way that will help you achieve
the goals you have for your au pair program stay.

6.2.1. Registering at the local citizen registration office

(= Buergeramt or Einwohnermeldeamt)

 Registration in Germany must be done within 7 days of arrival.

 Ideally your host family has already scheduled an appointment at the “Buergeramt /
Einwohnermeldeamt” prior to your arrival. We will alert them to it.

 You will need to bring your passport (and visa) as well as your signed au pair & host family contract
to prove the purpose of your stay. You also need to bring along a “landlord’s permit to reside” at this
particular address. The “landlord” is either the person who rented the apartment / house to your
host parents or the family itself if they are the owners.

 You will then receive a “registration certificate” (called Anmeldebestaetigung) for a small fee -to be
paid by your host family. You need this specific document later on for the immigration office.

6.2.2. Attending a visa appointment at the local German immigration office

(=Auslaenderbehoerde)

Au pairs from EU countries

 If you come from one of the EU countries or are a passport holder of an EU country, the visa
application process doesn’t apply to you. Registration at the “Buergeramt” is sufficient enough.

29
Au pairs from Central or South American countries or from African Countries

 If you are an au pair from one of the Central or South American countries or from an African country,
you had to obtain your au pair visa before departure.

- However, the visa you have obtained from the German Embassy in your home country is only valid
for 3 months (max. 6mths, depending on what the expiry date says on your visa in your passport).
It does however allow you to start working as an au pair right away after your arrival in Germany
- Depending on the local German immigration office of your host parents’ town or city, you will
either need to get your 3 months visa extended to the full 12 months or obtain a so called “Au
pair Aufenthaltstitel” instead.

- Ideally your host family has already scheduled an appointment with their local immigration office
(Auslaenderbehoerde) prior to your arrival. We will also remind them.

- Only after you have obtained a so called ‘Anmeldebestaetigung’(confirmation of registration)

from the local ‘Buergeramt’ (Citizens Registration Office), can you attend an appointment at the
local immigration office (Auslaenderbehoerde), together with your host family!

- At the immigration office your visa will be extended to the full 12 months or exchanged for an
‘Au pair Aufenthaltstitel’ (=work permission to stay in Germany as an au pair)

- Again, depending on the way your local immigration office (Auslaenderbehoerde) works, the
extension of your visa or exchange will either be done right away during the actual appointment
or can take a while (anything between a few days and a couple of weeks’ time) which means that
you will need to come back again at a later time to pick it up.

ATTENTION:

- Multiple entries: When attending the appointment at the German immigration office
(=Auslaenderbehoerde) and handing over your current temporary 3 months visa for it to be
extended to a 12 month visa (au pair work permit), ask the immigration officer to give you
an au pair visa which will allow you to ‘travel multiple times within Germany and other
Schengen countries’ (in case it was not already included in your temporary visa. -> Check on
your visa beforehand whether it states “MULT” for number of entries!)

- ‘Fiktionsbescheinigung’: if you cannot take your extended visa with you on the day of the
appointment (but get asked to pick it up at a later date) -> ask the immigration office to give
you a so called “Fiktionsbescheinigung” in the meantime!

This document basically means that you are here legally in Germany (even though you are
not currently in possession of your visa as it is with the immigration office for processing).
So, you cannot be thrown out of the country until your full visa has been decided on (extended
or rejected).

There are two different types of Fiktionsbescheinigung the immigration office can give you!
One type of Fiktionsbescheinigung allows you to travel (i.e. with your host parents) outside
of Germany to another Schengen state (i.e. to Spain for summer holidays).

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 The other type of Fiktionsbescheinigung does not allow any travels outside Germany! Thus,
if you were to leave Germany on this kind of Fiktionsbescheinigung (i.e. to go with your
host family for summer holidays to Spain), re-entry to Germany would be denied to you at
the border!

 If you intend to travel within the next few weeks, kindly ask the immigration office
to give you the kind of Fiktionsbescheinigung that allows traveling outside of
Germany (it should be one with § 81 Section 4 written on there but the office will
tell you for sure which one is the one that allows travelling).

 Understand that it is entirely up to the discretion of the immigration office which

Fiktionsbescheinigung they hand out to you. Ayusa has no influence on it.

Au pairs from the USA, Canada, Australia or New Zealand

 If you come from the USA, Canada, Australia or New Zealand you have (most likely) entered Germany
as a tourist and need to apply now for an “Au pair Aufenthaltstitel” (permission to stay in Germany
as an au pair). It is sort of like a visa, except that you can only apply for it after entering Germany.

- You have 90 days from the day of arrival to obtain this permission at the local German immigration
office (Auslaenderbehoerde) of your host parents’ town or city.

- Note: Once the visa has been issued, it cannot be changed again, so choose the length of
your visa wisely!

- For au pairs who have agreed with their host families on a shorter program length than
12 months, we still recommend visa application for the maximum length (12months) as
it allows flexibility with the end dates of your stay with the host family. Once the visa is
no longer needed, it can be cancelled before its expiration date.

- The relevant visa documents along with instructions and completed samples will have been sent
to your host family a few days prior to your arrival. Ask them for the “Welcome Package” Ayusa
had sent to their address by post.

- Ideally your host family has already scheduled an appointment with their local immigration office
(Auslaenderbehoerde) prior to your arrival. We will also remind them.

- Only after you have obtained a so called ‘Anmeldebestaetigung’(confirmation of registration)

from the local ‘Buergeramt’ (Citizens Registration Office), can you attend an appointment at the
local immigration office (Auslaenderbehoerde), together with your host family!

- You will need to take this certificate (Anmeldebestaetigung’) with you, along with your passport,
completed visa documents and all other supporting documents (a list of which was sent to your
host family previously).

ATTENTION:

- During your appointment at the immigration office (Auslaenderbehoerde) the officer will
most likely check your German language skills by requesting to see a language certificate.

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 - You must have sufficient German language skills (= A1 / elementary / 101 level) in order
to be granted a so called ‘Au pair Aufenthaltstitel’ (permission to work as an au pair in
Germany)!

- Without sufficient language skills, the permission to work in Germany as an au pair will
be denied! It will therefore be necessary for you to attend a German language class first
before you can attend an appointment at the immigration office (Auslaenderbehoerde).

- The majority of immigration offices (Auslaenderbehoerden) in Germany will take a fingerprint

from your index finger during the appointment. This fingerprint will be lodged later on in your
actual au pair work permission (Aufenthaltstitel) as proof of identity. If this is the case, your ‘Au
pair Aufenthaltstitel’ will be returned to you in the form of a chip card (it will look like a driver’s
license) and the whole process will most likely take 4 – 12 weeks. **

- Some immigration offices (Auslaenderbehoerden) don’t use the system described above but will
actually put the au pair work permission (Au pair Aufenthaltstitel) on one page in your actual
passport. This process often takes less time than the other one. (However, as it is the
‘Auslaenderbehoerde’ that decides the way they handle the process there is actually no choosing
of the process you might prefer)

- Regardless of the chosen process, the ‘Auslaenderbehoerde’ will let you know when your permit
is ready for pick up.

ATTENTION:

- As your visa will take weeks before it is ready for pick up, be sure to obtain a so-called
“Fiktionsbescheinigung” from the immigration office in the meantime!

 Go back to the beginning of chapter 6 to read about the important difference between
the two types of Fiktionsbescheinigung!

Only after you have obtained the ‘Au pair Aufenthaltstitel’ you can officially work as an au pair in Germany!

6.2.3. Opening a bank account

Once the matter of your visa has been sorted (either extended or applied for and approved) you should open
a bank account.

The monthly stipend your host family has agreed to pay you is determined by German au pair visa regulations.
These state that the au pair stipend is 280 EUR / month. On top of it, our host families have agreed to pay
an additional 90 EUR as a sort of “educational allowance”, in order to ensure that you can pay for German
classes, etc.
This comes down to an overall total of 370 EUR per month to be paid to you directly by your host family.

Your host parents will establish a time each month when they will pay you. In Germany payment usually takes
place at the end of the month, after the work has been done. However, your family may also decide to pay
you mid-monthly instead, i.e. every 15th of the month. Please check with your host family what option they
prefer. (Before the issue of your visa is not sorted, payment will be done in cash against receipt.)

Your host family will help you with setting up a bank account for you. You and your host family will receive
an email from Ayusa before your departure with suggestions for which banks to use.

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Alternatively, choosing the bank of your host family makes sense, as they are already valued customers there.
You will need to bring your passport & visa to the appointment with the bank in order to open an account.

 Ask the bank about charges that may occur when using other banks to withdraw money!

Throughout your stay with your host family you should aim to keep a minimum of 200-500 Euros in your bank
account as an emergency fund.

For further information on financial matters turn to chapter 7.10.

6.2.4. Booking a German language class

Improving your German

Some au pairs come to Germany specifically because they want to improve their existing German skills. Other
come to Germany because they have heard great things about the country and are eager to explore it but
are not very keen to learn the language. Should this be the case with you, you should still make an effort to
learn the language as some host families see it as a lack of interest and respect if you show no inclination at
all to learn the German language. It will most likely also improve the bond with your host children if you can
communicate with them in their language – until they have learned English from you.

Naturally, people often feel shy and embarrassed to speak in a foreign language but with time and practice
the mistakes will become less. The worst mistake you can make is to keep silent. Your German abilities
will improve through your mistakes. Practice and repetition are the only way to improve in foreign any
language. Everyone will admire you for your willingness and desire to improve.

Booking of a German language class

You should also use the first few weeks in Germany to book a German language course.
In fact, it is an important condition of the “Auslaenderbehoerde” that every au pair attends German language
classes during the course of their stay!

By law host families are required to (only) pay fifty euros towards a German language course, while with our
program we ask families to pay a monthly educational allowance of ninety euros in order to assure that each
au pair can afford to attend German courses.

 Note: a minimum of two German courses should be attended before the educational allowance can
be used for other courses or educational activities, too.

There are different types of schools where you can learn German. “Sprachschulen” are schools that specialize
in teaching languages. “Sprachschulen” can be found in almost every town or city in Germany.

 If you search on the Internet “Deutschkurs” + the name of the town or city where your host family
lives, it will show you a whole list of different schools.

Most of them will be “Sprachschulen” like i.e. “Deutschakademie”, “Inlingua”, “Berlitz”, „Hartnack“ or
„Goethe Institut”. These schools have the advantage that classes are smaller in size, thus increasing the
quality of learning. The disadvantage is the price they charge per course. Still, some au pairs prefer booking
German courses with these schools as they need a very good level of German in order to study in Germany
after they have finished their au pair stay.

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When going through the list on the Internet, you will usually find a website that starts with
http://www.vhs.... + name of the city. VHS is the abbreviation of the German word “Volkshochschule”.

A “Volkshochschule” is an adult education center which offers courses in different subjects, including
languages. These VHS usually get partly sponsored by the government which is why they can offer classes at
a lower price than private schools. The advantage is clearly the price itself. The disadvantage is that groups
are usually bigger than in language schools.

Still, au pairs often choose to book a German course at their local VHS as it is more affordable for them than
a course from a language school. As au pairs choose VHS German courses due to the price, chances are pretty
good that you will not be the only au pair attending a VHS course.

Before booking a German language course be sure to check the following:

 Your own au pair work schedule! (to determine whether you need to book a morning / afternoon
/evening class)
 Next available start date for a German course of your level (e.g. after school holidays)
 length of the course (e.g. 2-3 months)
 Times & Intensity of the course (e.g. 3-4 times a week, 2-3 hours / day, 9am-12pm)
 Price of the course + additional costs for books, exams, etc.
 Number of students per class (e.g. 5 students per class or 15 students and more)
 The location where the course takes place (How long does it take you from your host family’s place
to the language course? How close is the location to nearest bus / tram / train stop?)

 Note: Unless you have no previous German skills at all, language schools and VHS will want you to
come to them in person to sit a free entry level test prior to allowing you to book an actual course.

 If you would like to get an idea beforehand what level of German you are on, you can use a free entry
level test online at i.e., the Cornelsen website:
https://www.cornelsen.de/sites/einstufungstest/GER-instufungstest/DaF_Einstufungstest_Niveau_A1_DE/

Online courses

Sometimes it is not possible for an au pair to book a language course right after arrival in Germany. This may
be due to the au pair arriving in the summer during school break or simply because all courses of the au pair’s
level of German are already booked.

 If this is the case, booking an online German course will be a good alternative, especially if you need
a language certificate for the appointment at the immigration office.

As mentioned in one of the previous chapters of this handbook, Proaupairs24 is an online language course
provider that offers online classes with real teachers and other students. Once a level of German has been
achieved by the student, Proaupairs24 is able to provide the student with a language certificate that can be
used for the German immigration offices. For more information on Proaupairs24.com, turn to the Appendix
at the back of this handbook.

 Ask your host family to help you find the right German language course for you that fits in with your
work schedule and doesn’t blow your budget either.

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6.2.5. Other administrative tasks

 Make copies of your documents and keep them in a safe place at your new home.
If you lose these documents, it is very hard to replace them. Having copies will make it easier to
replace them. Do not walk around with your visa or passport!

 Keep emergency phone numbers (that were provided to you in the Welcome Package Ayusa sent to
you), your International & National Driver’s License in your wallet.

 Get a library card for the local library. These days libraries usually have a small section with literature
in English and Spanish. You can also rent movies and CDs, too, often for free. Plus kids usually love
to go to the library as well. Check with the local library whether they offer story reading events for
children, too.

 If you haven’t talked with your host family about vacation days before your match, now is the
time to do so.
Find out if there are times where they would prefer that you use (or don’t use) your vacation.
Tell your host family if there is a specific time you know you’d like to take vacation (e.g. a family
wedding).
For more information turn to chapter 7.9.

6.2.6. Validating a foreign drivers’ license in Germany

While this is not something that needs to be taken care of within the first few days of your arrival, it definitely
must be done within 185 days of your arrival in Germany (after approximately 6 months)!
This is the deadline for most au pairs for driving legally in Germany with their national driver’s permit and
international drivers permit (IDP)!

The validity of foreign drivers’ licenses in Germany depends on the home country of the au pair.

Au pairs from an EU country:

 If the au pair has a valid driver’s license from an EU country, the au pair is allowed to drive a motor
vehicle (e.g. car) in Germany
 The au pair can obtain a German driver’s license by handing in his/her own drivers’ license and
receiving a German one in return (transfer / exchange of driver’s license) however this is not a
necessity. This is, however, a very expensive process.

Au pairs from a Non – EU country:

 If the au pair comes from a Non-EU country, the au pair may only drive a motor vehicle (e.g. car) in
Germany with his or her national drivers’ license, if s/he is in possession of a valid international
drivers permit (IDP).
 This rule is only valid for a maximum of 185 days (= approx. 6 months), starting the day of your
arrival.
 After approx.. 6 months (max. 185 days) of arrival, the au pair is no longer allowed to drive in
Germany, if s/he only uses his / her national and international drivers’ license! If caught, the au
pair may be subject to prosecution by the German authorities.

 Therefore, there are two options on how to proceed:

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1) Transfer or exchange of the driver’s license

This needs to be done by everyone residing in Germany more than 6 months at a time.

A transfer/ exchange of driver’s license will incur a substantial amount of costs, as the au
pair has to provide proof of having attended a first-aid course recently, proof of good eyesight
(doctors statement needed) and possibly attend additional driving lessons – before s/he can
sit the official exams (theoretical and actual driving test)
Germany has an agreement with some countries which allows people to only sit one exam or
none at all. This list (“Staatenliste”) can be found on the internet on official websites like
www.adac.de.
 Please ask your host parents for assistance!
The exchange/ transfer of driver’s license will be done by your local “Straßenverkehrsamt”
(road traffic licensing department). You will need to call this authority in order to set up an
appointment and to find out what documents you will need to bring along, in addition to your
national drivers’ license. (Again, please ask your host parents for assistance as the office staff
will most likely not speak sufficient English).

Please note, the “Straßenverkehrsamt” will either retain your national license until you hand
back the German license at the finish of your stay – or send it to your national road traffic
licensing authority!

 As it varies from authority to authority in Germany please check with them before handing
anything over!

2) Extension of the ‘185–day’ rule

It is possible to extend the ‘185-day’ rule to the entire duration of the au pairs stay (max.
364 days).

It is however the the sole discretion of the local “Straßenverkehrsamt” whether to permit or
deny this extension! (Usually they do grant the extension though).

The application / request for extension (= continuing to use the national driver’s license) can
be made informally (there is no particular document that needs to be used) but it needs to
be handed in in writing to the local authority.

 It also needs to be done prior to the expiration of the 185 days.

The application / request for extension must demonstrate that the au pair:

- Keeps his / her address in the home country and will return there
- Only stays for a limited amount of time in Germany
- Needs the driver’s license to fulfill the tasks of an au pair for this particular host
family

For the request to be successful, it helps to provide the following additional documents:
- Copy of passport
- Copy of granted au pair visa (showing the expiration date)
- Proof of registration in Germany (‘Meldebestaetigung’)
- Signed au pair contract

36
 - Declaration that the au pair intends to leave the country after s/he has finished the
au pair stay
- Maybe return ticket (if you already have it) and naturally a copy of your national and
international drivers’ license

It may also be necessary to get a translation of your drivers’ license, if it is not in English.
The translation can be acquired for a small fee at the ADAC (German motor vehicle club;
www.adac.de)

 Note: if the request for extension is denied, either the license needs to be exchanged for a
German license or the au pair can no longer drive in Germany.

Additional information regarding driving in Germany

 Driving in general

If you are supposed to drive the children of your host family and / or are allowed to use the
family’s car in your free time, your host family must provide you with sufficient automobile
insurance, called “Vollkasko”.

Please make sure before driving the host family’s car that they have not forgotten to include
you in their car insurance.

Even though your host family is required to insure you on their car insurance, many insurances
in Germany have something called “Selbstbeteiligung”, an insurance deductible that the in-
sured person needs to pay first before the insurance covers the rest of the sum.
This means, if you were to cause damage to the car of your host family and it needed to be
fixed, the family would be in the right to ask you to pay a maximum of up 300€ insurance
deductible and per accident caused by you. So please be careful when driving the car of your
host family.

 Driving an automatic car

Most cars in Germany are stick shift cars, not automatic. If your national driver’s license only
allows you to drive automatic cars, this rule also applies in Germany.

The rule can be amended if you are able demonstrate in a driving exam that you are also
capable of driving a stick shift car. For more information please ask your host family to check
the up-to-date driver’s license regulation (FeV, §31 and §17).

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6.3. Local Ayusa representative

6.3.1. Meeting your local Ayusa representative

Your main point of contact in Germany will be your local Ayusa representative who lives within an hour’s drive
of your host family’s home.

Once you have matched with a host family, Ayusa informs the respective representative about your upcoming
arrival. She will get in touch with you prior to departure to introduce herself to you.

Shortly after arrival in Germany and usually within the 2-3 days, your representative will call you at your host
family’s home to welcome you to the region and to make sure that you are settling in well. She will also
schedule an appointment to come and meet you personally.

This meeting will take place at your host family’s home approximately three weeks after your arrival to give
you ample time to get to know your new surroundings first and to adjust to your new life as an au pair.
During this meeting your Ayusa representative will discuss with you privately your adjustment so far in regard
to daily life and language in Germany, your interactions with your host family and the children as well as your
au pair responsibilities and au pair schedule. Your representative will offer you advice for any concerns you
might have. She will also speak with your host family separately to hear their point of view, too. Should any
problems have arisen that your representative feels need to be sort out immediately, she will sit down with
you and your host family together in order to find a solution for it.
Naturally, if you do have any concerns or queries before the date of the arrival meeting, do feel free to
contact her beforehand. You will find her contact details in your Ayusa Welcome Package that was sent to
your host family’s address shortly before your arrival.

After the initial arrival meeting your Ayusa representative will continue to be your local Ayusa contact person
until the end of your stay. She will introduce you to the other au pairs in the area and invite you to regional
au pair meetings. These will be held three times a year: in spring, summer and winter.

The fourth meeting which takes place in autumn each year will be held in Berlin by the staff of the Ayusa
head office. This event will be held of the course of a weekend (Saturday-Sunday) during which you will get
to see the most important sights of our capital city like, i.e. Brandenburg Gate, Reichstag, Berlin Dom, etc.
Our office will provide you with more details nearer the time.

 While attendance at the Berlin weekend event is not mandatory, attendance at the three
other events is!

These are being organized locally by the Ayusa representative in charge and take about 2 – 3 hours each time.

 You may only be excused from these meetings if you are ill, have school or are on vacation.

Host Families will be instructed by Ayusa to provide you with time off to attend these au pair meetings.

These au pair meetings provide a support system for you to develop friendships within your au pair cluster,
offer unique opportunities for cultural exchange (as there will most likely be au pairs present from other
countries) and help you develop a trusting relationship with your local Ayusa representative.

All our representatives are very passionate about cultural exchange. They have all previously lived abroad
themselves for a certain period of time. Some had even been au pairs themselves. Thus they fully understand
the challenges you face when trying to adjust to life in a foreign country, Germany.

38
You can therefore always turn to your local Ayusa representative whenever you have a problem, question or
concern and need some advice or guidance.

 Note: You should speak to your Ayusa representative when problems are still small and just
beginning, so you can work together to address them before they feel big and overwhelming.

Should you have any problems with your host family during your stay; your Ayusa representative will do her
best to try to help you solve it. She will first listen to your problem and give you some advice on how to
handle the situation best. Depending on the subject, she will also encourage you to speak openly with your
host family about what is troubling you. If you don’t feel like you can handle the issue by yourself or have
tried to do so but the issue persists, she will set up a date & time for a mediation between you and your host
family in her presence, so you can find a solution to the situation together.

 Note: While your Ayusa representative will be happy to help you, we expect all our au pairs to
contact their local representative proactively if there is a problem and not wait to be contacted by
her!
She can only help you, if you let her know that something is troubling you.
Speak to her also when you are experiencing homesickness or other adjustment issues as she can
give you some good advice on how to overcome it best.

Our representatives are not full-time Ayusa staff members; they all have jobs and other commitments to
attend to. Thus, she might not always be available to answer her phone right away. However, if you leave a
message and/or send her an email, she will get back to you as quickly as possible.

While the Ayusa representatives’ most important role is to make sure that you and your host family have a
successful and enjoyable stay together, they are not the au pair’s “personal assistant”. This means that they
do not book any appointments for you or take care of any other administrative tasks for you, unless discussed
and mutually agreed otherwise.

6.3.2. Attending local Ayusa au pair meetings

These meetings take place regularly in your au pair cluster. As stated previously, you are expected to attend
these au pair meetings!
Your local representative will contact you well in advance to announce the date for the meeting.
She will either do so by email, phone or message on Facebook in the regional and closed Ayusa au pair group
to whom she will invite you to in the beginning of your stay.

 Either way she contacts you and regardless what she contacts you about, the least she can expect is
to receive a positive or negative reply from you!

 It is considered very rude in Germany not to reply to a message received!

Sending a reply is not only a sign of respect towards her but also helps her organize the
event better!

For the meeting, the representative often plans a fun activity, ensuring at the same time that you will still
have plenty of time to interact with the other au pairs, too.
Feel free to bring in your own ideas to these au pair meetings. If there is something that you would really
like to do, e.g. go bicycling along the river Rhine, have a picnic at a park, go to an amusement park or just
try out this really cool new café or pub that you discovered a week ago, then let your Ayusa representative

39
know about it. She is always open to the ideas and suggestions of her au pairs. After all, the au pair meeting
is supposed to be for you and your fellow au pairs in this region.

The intention of these meetings is also to give you the chance to exchange your views and experiences you
have made so far with these of other au pairs and to give you impulses how to handle things differently in
the future with e.g. your host children, etc.

By listening to other au pairs’ stories and seeking advice in person from your local Ayusa representative, you
will gain a more profound understanding of your role as an au pair in Germany. It will help you to put things
in better perspective and feel less frustrated about the things that don’t go well because you will most likely
be “presented” with a solution that you have not thought of yourself.

Attending those meetings also helps to overcome homesickness or culture shock because here you will meet
likeminded people who all know and understand what it is like live in a foreign country and look after children
who are being brought up differently from what you are used to from your home country.

 Even if you have been in Germany for a while you are still expected to attend these meetings.

For once, new au pairs are always grateful for suggestions and tips from au pairs who have been here for a
while. (Remember what it felt like when you started out first.) And secondly, it is never too late to meet new
people and make new friends. Friendships that you make as an au pair usually last many, many years – and
that is something that au pairs usually hope for when starting this adventure.

 Last but not least a word of advice: Once you have confirmed your attendance to your Ayusa
representative, do show up and be on time! Nobody likes to be stood up.

There are times, of course, that something comes up which makes it impossible for you to attend, e.g. you
get ill or your host family asks you to work that day. But there is always enough time to write a quick message
to your local representative or give her a call to let her know.

 To sum it up: Treat your local Ayusa representative the way you want to be treated by her.

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7. Au pair life in Germany
Being a successful au pair means immersing yourself in the world of your new family, surrounding yourself
with your family’s culture, activities and way of life. For your stay to become a rewarding and successful
one, it does take some planning, preparation and consideration on both parts.

Your Schedule

While the actual au pair tasks have already been listed previously in the handbook (see chapter 2.2), the
actual schedule is just as important.

 We therefore encourage our host families to plan your 30-hour weekly schedule in advance
and as detailed as possible, so you know exactly the days and hours you are supposed to
perform your au pair duties.

Apart from drop off & pick up times of the children from kindergarten or school, activities and important
appointments the children need to attend at that particular week, your schedule should also contain duties
your host family would like you to perform during the day and the whole week. Duties regarding the children
(i.e. tidy up their rooms, cook dinner, bathe them, etc.) but also regarding the household (i.e. change bed
sheets, do laundry, vacuum and mop the floor, etc.)

If you feel that your schedule is not detailed enough (especially at the beginning), for you to be able to
remember and perform all the things that are asked of you, don’t feel shy and ask your host family to write
down more details.

It is quite normal for someone to forget that the details that make up one’s life are not necessarily self-
explanatory to an outsider. The family will appreciate that by writing them down in more detail, they help
to avoid confusion and misunderstandings on both sides.

 Note: your host family can change the written schedule when necessary (i.e. an important
meeting came up at work), but they will let you as much in advance as possible.

While they do count on your flexibility, they also understand that a consistent timetable is important for you
in order for you to make plans for your free time (i.e. language courses, social time with friends, etc).

Your schedule will also include your off-days. While your 1.5 free days per week don’t necessarily have to
be on a weekend, the family will make sure to designate a complete free weekend (Friday evening - Monday
morning) each month for you. For further information see chapter 7.2.1.

When you are not officially working, you are welcome to spend additional time with your host family.
You do not need to withdraw to your own private space or be out of the house.
However, if you need a break from the busy household, your host parents will understand. Your family may
also let you know their regular dinner hours and what regular activities they participate in. If they plan
specific family activities in which they would like you to join, they will let you know, too. Furthermore,
they will discuss vacation time with you.

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7.1. Your role as a family member
You have joined your host family not only as the caregiver for their children, but also as a member of their
family. With that in mind, engage and participate in family life fully:

 Spend as much time as you can with your host family, especially when you first arrive.

 Show the family and children that you care about them. Ask "What can I do to help?"

 Share your culture. Talk about your country, teach the kids some of your language, songs, and games,
and prepare some foods from your country.

 Join your family for meals when you can and offer to help with cooking and cleanup

 Prepare some food from your home country. While your host children might not be very ap-
preciative of your traditional food (young children tend to never like new foods), your host
parents will be!

 Participate in social events with your family because you are part of this family, not just because you
are working. Join in, talk, and help out! Attend family events such as holidays, birthday parties, and
special celebrations.

 When you go out for dinner with your host parents and you are not working, you should still help. You
can help the kids when their food comes, help entertain the kids while they are waiting, take turns
taking them to the bathroom if they need to go, help them clean up afterwards, and make sure to
thank your host parents for taking you out to dinner.

 Be considerate of their needs. Living together requires a positive “give and take attitude”. While
there may be times that you will do a favor for your host family, i.e. work longer hours so they can
attend an important business meeting, they will also go out of their way, to do the same for you, i.e.
treat you to a nice day out or an appointment at the hairdresser without you having to pay for any-
thing.

7.1.1. Expectation management

While in your daily life with your host family the things that matter come down to “hard facts” such as your
weekly schedule, your work with the children, setting up rules for the running of the household as well as
rules for vacation time, it is the “soft elements” that make up the success of a match.

Expectation and their correct management is one of these “soft elements”. Au pair and host family both have
certain expectations of how their life together will be like. It is important to understand that expectations
do not always fully translate into reality. In fact, having too high and set expectations can hinder having a
successful au pair stay! The saying “less is more” applies here, too.

Before starting the adventure of becoming an au pair in another country, applicants often wonder what it
will be like. While it is certainly helpful to do extensive research on the topic and prepare for the stay ahead,
the trouble starts when you have set expectations.

If an au pair can only see her/himself in a certain scenario, i.e. “the family must live in a big house in a big
city, drive expensive cars and have a maximum of two constantly sweet-tempered children” – this illusion can

42
never live up to reality. For one, well-off families do not live in big cities but in smaller towns or at the very
outskirts of big cities to enjoy “a better standard of living”. Secondly, children that are permanently sweet
tempered simply do not exist. Reality lies more in the middle.

 Au pairs, who keep an open mind throughout their stay, usually have the most successful and reward-
ing au pair experiences.

The success of a match between a host family and an au pair does, of course, not solely depend on the au
pair’s part but also on that of the host family. It is a two-way system. Tolerance, flexibility, adjustment,
acceptance, good communication and patience are –on both parts - vital keys for a successful year. This
means, patience with the other party but also with oneself. The au pair adventure will be marked by ups and
downs. The mistakes that will be made should be seen as an opportunity to grow and make things better next
time around.

7.1.2. Commitment to your host family

It is very important that you understand the serious commitment you have made to your host family. They
have welcomed you into their home, entrusted you with the care of their children, and have planned their
daily lives around your commitment to stay for the agreed length of the program.

Ayusa therefore requests for you to give it your very best effort — be open-minded, ask questions and voice
your concerns to your host family or your local Ayusa Representatives to avoid problems becoming
overwhelming. With the help and assistance of our experienced staff most misunderstandings and problems
can be solved.

Families wanting to host an au pair understand that living together requires a certain amount of commitment
and a willingness to “make it work” – on both parts. It also requires time, time to get to know each other and
grow together as a family. If both, au pair and host family, treat each other with respect, appreciation and
maintain a good and open communication with each other than obstacles due to cultural differences and
differences in personality can be overcome.

7.2. Your Job as Childcare Provider

7.2.1. Working hours, Days off, Vacation days and bank holidays
Over the years we have noticed that when conflicts arise, they are often due to host families and au pairs
having different perceptions of working hours, days off, vacation times and bank holidays.

Those conflicts can easily be avoided if both have the same understanding of these stipulations. We would
therefore like to clarify them in more detail below.

Working hours & days off:

 The au pair is supposed to work no more than 30 hours / week, max 6 hours / day - as laid out by
the au pair visa regulations

 While in reality it can happen, of course, that once in a while an au pair has to work a few hours
more a week due to some unforeseen situation (i.e. a work meeting took longer than expected, kids
are sick, there was a traffic jam, etc.) it should:

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 a) not become a regularity and
b) not be more than max. 5hrs /week (overtime)
c) should then be compensated with the same time off ASAP

 The au pair is entitled to 4 free evenings per week – leaving 3 evenings/week to work – IF the 30hrs
haven’t been used up yet. A work day finishes usually at 8pm.

 The au pair is entitled to 1.5 consecutive days off per week for 3 weeks per month.

 Those 1.5 days do not necessarily have to be on a weekend (i.e. Saturday afternoon off + all of
Sunday) but can be during the week, too (i.e. Wednesday afternoon off + Thursday all day).
It goes almost without saying that the ‘full day off’ includes the evening of that day, too.

 Once per month the au pair is entitled to a full weekend instead of the 1.5 days mentioned above.
A full weekend comprises the time from Friday night after work until Sunday late at night.

 As per au pair visa regulations, the au pair needs to support the family with childcare and light
household duties, whereby household duties may not make up more than 50% of the work day whih
means maximum 3hrs a day.

 The amount of time needed to be able to finish all household chores needs to be realistic. This ap-
plies to family and au pair. Neither should those 3 hours be crammed full unrealistically, thus mak-
ing it impossible to get everything done, nor should the au pair need 3 hours to do the washing up
only. It is best to talk about time expectations before drawing up the au pair schedule.

Apart from the fact that the above should have been discussed before agreeing on a match with each other,
the host family and au pair have also signed a contract in which these regulations were listed.

By having signed the contract with their names, they have both ultimately agreed to honor the contracts’
terms and conditions. They should therefore stick to them as best as possible in order to prevent any
complications.

 Having said that, nothing can ever be gained by one or both parties meticulously and
rigidly sticking to those stipulations at all times without ever allowing any kind of
flexibility based on the actual situation.

This applies to au pairs and host families likewise!

To make a match work smoothly and successfully, both, family and au pair, need to establish a certain
‘give-and-take-mindset’.

This means that both parties need to demonstrate a certain willingness to compromise to be able to find
solutions to certain situations that can arise during a match. It should however always be a mutual
agreement that both parties can live with and never be single-sided in which one party always go out of
their way to suit the needs of the other party (‘gives’) while the other party always benefits from it
(‘take’).

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Vacation days

 As per au pair visa regulations, the au pair will accumulate 2 days of paid vacation time per month
which comes up to 4 weeks of vacation time for a 12-month-stay and 2 weeks for a 6-months-stay
(or i.e. 18 vacation days for a 9 month stay, etc.).

 ‘Paid vacation time’ means that your host family will continue to pay your au pair stipend of 370€
per month. It does not mean that the family will pay for your holiday.

 All vacation days must be discussed in advance with the host family to see whether they agree.
Only after the host family has given their consent, may the au pair proceed with the booking of his/
her vacation (flights, accommodation, etc,).

 Vacation days can be accumulated to add up to i.e. a week or two weeks. Weekend days are not
vacation days. However, if the au pair wants to take a full week of vacation (= 7days), the au pair
will need to take 5 vacation days and use her / his ‘free weekend of the month’, too.

 While it is possible to take several vacation days together, it is unlikely that the au pair can take all
of the allocated vacation days in a row.

 As stated before, weekends are excluded from the vacation day rule. If the au pair plans to go on a
weekend trip (= leave Friday evening after work and return Sunday night), then these days cannot be
counted as vacation days as the au pair is entitled to a full free weekend per month.

 However, if the au pair wishes to leave for a longer period of time, e.g. a full Friday and a full Monday,
then Friday and Monday will be considered as vacation time whereby Saturday and Sunday will be the
allocated one free weekend per month.

 The host family determines when the au pair can take his/her vacation days during the stay! The au
pair needs to subordinate to their wishes.

 Nevertheless, the family must inform the au pair of their own planned vacation days immediately
after their vacation plans have been settled in order for the au pair to have sufficient time to make
her/ his own plans during that time.

 As the majority of Ayusa host families have school aged children and have decided to host an au
pair to help with childcare duties during school weeks, it can be assumed that it won’t be possible
for the au pair to go on vacation during those weeks. It can also be assumed that the family will use
school break times (i.e. around Easter, during the summer, around Christmas, etc.) to go on vaca-
tion. The au pair will need to go on vacation too, during those times. Having said that as these are
just assumptions the au pair will need to discuss this matter with the host family in detail.

 If the au pair accompanies the family on their vacation, it only counts as vacation for the au pair,
too, if attendance is not mandatory for most of the day (i.e. s/he can choose whether s/he wants
to spend her time with the host family). If the au pairs’ help is needed the majority of the day (i.e.
during meal times, excursions, at the swimming pool, etc.) then it is only considered a shift of work
place but not a holiday.

 Having said that – if the host family pays for the flight, accommodation, food, etc. of the au pair,
then Ayusa believes it is within reason for the family to ask the au pair to show some gratitude by

45
 i.e. helping them out at (one of the) meal times and / or i.e. watching the kids for 1-2 hours at the
pool, etc. so the parents can take a break, too.

 This arrangement could also be looked at as ‘half work / half vacation time’ and thereby result in
only half of the vacation days to be deducted from the au pairs overall allocated vacation days

 As the described above leaves scope for misunderstandings, it is absolutely vital that this arrange-
ment gets discussed in detail before the au pair goes on vacation with the family. Once a mutual
agreement has been reached it should be written down and signed by both parties for potential
later references.

 Ayusa strongly discourages families and au pairs from going on extended vacations together due to
the potential trouble and misunderstandings involved. We believe that it is best if both parties
spend some time apart during the year, i.e. during summer break, etc. for everyone to be able to
‘recharge their batteries’ in order to start afresh again afterwards.

 If the host family goes on vacation but requires the au pair to stay home during their absence to
look after the house (housesitting) and / or pet (pet sitting) and to run some errands (i.e. water the
plants, get the mail, take out the trash, pick up the dry cleaning, etc.) then those days are looked
at as normal working days minus the childcare duties.

 As a general rule it can be said that if the presence of the au pair is required for at least half of the
day (3 hours), it is not classed as a vacation day.

 If the au pair has already used up the full sum of his/ her allocated vacation days (as per contract),
it is up to the discretion of the family to allow for extra vacation days (i.e. the days between
Christmas and New Year’s Eve or when natural parents of the au pair come to visit, etc.)

 Ayusa strongly recommends for au pair and host family to keep a written account of the au pair’s
vacation days, i.e. by including it on the au pair’s schedule or by listing them in the family’s plan-
ner, etc. It is also advisable that both parties acknowledge the agreed upon vacation days with their
signatures.

 And last but not least - sick day are not vacation days. Still, they should be used sparsely as host
families often depend on their au pair to support them with childcare duties (i.e. picking up the kids
from kindergarten or school, etc.). Furthermore, the au pair will need to obtain an official ‘sick leave
note’ from the doctor as proof of illness.

Bank holidays

 Au Pairs do not need to work on big national holidays which are being celebrated nationwide (see
Chapter 5.4. for the list of holidays). Nevertheless, the au pair should discuss the subject of bank
holidays with the host family to fully understand their expectations and in order to avoid any mis-
understandings i.e. whether the family expects the au pair to celebrate Easter Sunday or Christmas
Eve with them but is not fussed about how the other bank holidays are being spent, etc.)

 Bank holidays which are being celebrated in the home country of the au pair cannot be observed in

46
 Germany. The au pair will need to work on those days. If there is however a certain bank holiday
that is very important and dear to the au pair, s/he needs to discuss it with the host family in ad-
vance to see whether a solution can be found. The au pair should keep in mind that the family is
not obliged to give that particular day off, if it does not work out with their own schedule.

7.2.2. Professionalism
As an au pair, you have decided to perform one of the most important jobs in the world-- taking care of
children! As many parents will tell you, it is one of the most rewarding, but also the most challenging jobs in
the world. Keep in mind that when you signed on to the au pair program, you signed up for a very important
job and Ayusa and your host family expect you to take this job very seriously.

Ayusa accepted your application and your host family chose you to spend your au pair stay with them because
we think you understand the importance of this role. We believe that you have the ability to thrive in this
role and we expect you to dedicate 100% of your efforts to this role when you are working.

To excel in your role as an au pair you should:

 Be ready for work when your day begins.

“Ready for work” means you are out of bed, showered, dressed, have eaten breakfast, and you are
greeting your host parents five minutes before you start your work.
Make eye contact and smile when you say “good morning” to your host parents and host children. Don’t
wait for them to say it first. (Greeting someone when entering a room for the first time and saying
“Goodbye” when leaving the house is common courtesy in Germany and expected by your host parents.)

 Always be on time.
Germans take this very seriously—you need to be on time for starting work, picking up the kids, taking
the kids to school, getting the kids to bed, having their meals on time, and arriving back home before
your curfew. Being on time is a great way to show your host parents that they can trust you.

Set yourself reminders (i.e. on your phone) for yourself if you need to and write down tasks
and timing.
And again, ask your host family to write out a specific daily schedule for you if you feel that the
schedule, they have given you is not detailed enough for you.

 During your working hours (30hrs a week) focus on your au pair duties only!
This means that you should focus only on childcare and child-related household tasks and nothing else
(i.e. texting your friend, etc.)
Activities that need to wait until you are off-duty include: watching TV, spending time in your room,
showering, letter writing, personal reading, personal phone or Skype calls, using the internet and
writing e-mails, or personal chores such as personal laundry or tidying up your own room. You cannot
have visitors at your host family’s place either during your work hours unless it has previously been
agreed on.

 Use discretion
Remember, each family is different-- in some ways better, and in some ways not. You need to use
discretion regarding what you tell others about situations in your home.

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 Never compare your host family situation with another au pair’s host family and do not gossip with
other au pairs about your host family either. You would not appreciate it if someone was talking behind
your back and host families don’t like it either.

Be careful when participating in Internet-based communities, dating and social networking websites.
Do not share online host family information, including phone numbers, addresses, family names,
information about host family children, or photos of host family home and household members without
the host family’s consent!

If you are experiencing a problem or the program rules are not being followed, you should call your
local Ayusa Representative to discuss it rather than discussing it with your friends.

 Ask questions
Your host parents would much rather have you ask questions repeatedly than have you guess how they
want you to handle specific childcare questions or household duties. If in doubt, simply ask them.
Having said that your host parents do expect you to pay attention to what they say. They won’t mind
repeating their instructions a few times but probably after having been asked the same thing for the
fifth time, they will wonder why you don’t take notes to make it easier for you to remember.

 Voice your concerns

The same applies for your worries and concerns in general. If you don’t feel comfortable with something
or are sad, frustrated or worried about something – do talk with your host family about it (at an
appropriate) time, so they can try and help ease your concerns or help find a solution with you for the
matter.

 Take responsibility
Your host parents trust you with the most precious that they have – their children. Show them
that you are indeed the responsible and reliable grown up they perceive you to be.

 And last but not least – speak in English to your host children at all times!
The majority of families are keen to expose their children to another language. This is why they chose
to host an au pair from another country, rather than hiring a local nanny or babysitter. As the majority
of host parents only speak English (not Spanish), they will most likely ask you to speak in English with
their children.
Think about some nursery songs and rhymes, which are very popular with toddlers and younger
children. Saying the alphabet or counting in English is fun for young children. Picture books can also be
used to teach basic vocabulary words in English.

Further important au pair criteria

Even though there is no „perfect au pair” (just like there is no perfect host family!), host families have a list
of what their ideal au pair is like:

 Warmhearted, caring & loving with children and likes spending time with them
 Attentive and flexible
 Able to follow instructions and adhere to them
 Proactive (the lack self-initiative is often criticized by host families)
 Helpful (doesn’t always wait until told to do something but rather sees what needs to be done)
 Have respect and be considerate of the needs of others

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  Accept the way the family raises their children, even if it is different from the upbringing of the au
pair (except violence and abuse, of course)
 Good role model for children (i.e. doesn’t smoke and isn’t “glued” to his/her cell phone constantly)
 Reliable & responsible
 Trustworthy & honest
 Punctual (good time keeping skills)
 Willing to adjust to a new life style
 Willing to embrace the new culture, learn the German language, try new foods
 Understands that a successful living together can be achieved by a “give and take” attitude
 Keeps her own room clean (!) and tidy
 Is considerate with property of the host family
 Doesn’t stay up all night and comes home very late if on duty the next morning
 Asks the host family before inviting friends over or booking trips
 Informs family when running late
 Careful and alert driver
 Understands that the safety and well-being of the children is of the utmost importance
 Respects privacy of the host family by not posting anything about their family on the internet without
their consent
 Committed to the program and the host family!
 Interested in the life (jobs, activities) of the host family

7.2.3. Your Childcare Responsibilities

To ensure that you succeed in your role as an au pair, you need to have a clear understanding of your host
parents’ expectations when it comes to looking after their children.

Sit down to talk with them about:

 what types of behavior to encourage their children to do

 acceptable methods of disciplining a child
 forbidden areas in the house or outdoors
 and cleaning up behind and with the children

 Take notes during this conversation!

You will notice that German family life and parenting practices are rather child centered. Children in Germany
are encouraged from an early age to express themselves, take responsibility for their actions and help in the
house. German parents believe that such an upbringing will help children develop confidence and self-
esteem. Your host parents will expect you to align your own childcare style with this approach to caregiving.

As you learn to care for the children and communicate with your host parents about your childcare
responsibilities, strive for success in each of these areas:

A) Bond with the children

Children of any age can sense if someone is genuinely excited to be with them, so your natural enthusiasm
and warmth will help the children bond with you.
Children also crave consistency, so pay close attention to how your host parents communicate with their
children and establish regular routines and boundaries for them. Remember that it takes about a month

49
 or two for everyone to truly know each other and feel comfortable, so don’t take it personally if it takes
some time for the children to bond with you.

As you establish your relationships with your host family’s children, strive to:

 Encourage your host children

Help them to be positive and believe they can do things.

 Be positive, outgoing, and enthusiastic about your work

Children pick up easily on negativity and stress, so your good attitude and enthusiasm will help the
children learn that you are a trusted, safe adult in their lives.

 Play actively instead of watching TV

Children love to be engaged in all sorts of activities. Don’t just watch them play—play with them!
Get down on the ground with them. Talk with them at eye level. Dance with them while you are
singing to them. Kids need you to be fun, happy, silly, smiley, creative, and playful.
Most German families set a limit of how much TV their children can watch — if at all. Therefore, ask
your host parents about their TV rules for their children and be sure to follow them.

 Get to know each child individually

What are their interests? What were their favorite activities with their last au pair or babysitter?
How does each child like his or her food prepared? Hair combed? Toys arranged? Lunch packed? Try to
do things the way the child prefers. Wait until at least a month after your arrival to suggest changes,
as change may make the child more resistant to accepting you. Later the child will learn to love your
ideas.

 Focus on the children

Children will get upset if you are speaking to your friends and not paying attention to them. At the
playground, play with the children rather than talking with other caregivers. At home, remember
that you may not talk with your friends on the phone or use the computer during work hours.

Your host family’s children need to know that you are more than their caregiver. You are truly a part of their
family, and they will expect you to “be there for them” just as any other family member is.

With that in mind, try to:

 Be sensitive to the kids during your “off” hours.

They love you whether you are “on” or “off” working hours. You don’t have to do everything with
them during your time off, but be gentle when you explain that you have some personal things to
attend to.

 Attend important events for the children if you can, even if they are not during your official working
hours. They will love you for it.
If you cannot attend, be sure to ask the kids about the events afterwards. Ask “How was the soccer
game? How did you play?” or “How was your dance performance? Did you have fun?”, etc.

 Help to celebrate special days in the children’s lives

You don’t need to spend lots of money on gifts for them but be sure to make a special card for your
host children on their birthday or their first day of school. Baking a cake or some cookies for them
will also be greatly appreciated by them.

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 Even with all these efforts to bond with the children, you will have days when you may feel frustrated
or impatient. Parents have those days, too.

On these days, try to:

 Understand that the children are testing you because you are the new au pair
It may take some time before the children feel they can truly trust you. During this time, it’s important
to stay patient and consistent with the children. They will want to see if you know and create the same
structures and boundaries for them as their parents do. You’ll have a much easier time if you are
careful to remain consistent with the host parents’ approaches.

 Accept that kids are not perfect

Children have bad days, make lots of mistakes, and do things incorrectly. When a child is upset or
mischievous, try to redirect them to more positive behaviors that they can do rather than simply telling
them what they cannot do.

 Always remember that you are the adult!

You need to react to children as an adult. Do not argue back with them like another child.

Do not raise your voice. Do not ever be physical with them!

Kids can say things that are mean. Do not take things your host kids say or do personally. Instead, try
to offer them alternate language they can use to express their frustration, i.e.
“I know you don’t really hate me, although you might not like me very much right now. Are you
frustrated that we have to leave the playground?”

 Be careful not to favor one child

You must treat all the children equally. Showing favoritism can hurt your relationship with all family
members.

B) Earn the trust of your host parents

Host parents may be as nervous as you are on the first day you are taking care of the children on your own.
Help them learn to trust you by making good decisions and by communicating effectively with them about
their children.

Your host parents expect you to:

 Keep their children safe – at all times! This is your highest priority as an au pair.

Always:
Keep young children within eyesight—if you can’t see them, you don’t know what is happening with
them.

Take child-proofing measures seriously. When taking care of infants and toddlers keep baby gates
and cabinets locked. Ask your host parents about other childproofing efforts. If your family has a
pool or lives near the water, stay close to the children whenever they are in or near the pool / the
water. If you feel unsure, then ask your family to show you specific water safety measures.

Check that toys and activities that are safe. Those that are safe for an older child may not be safe
for a younger child and may create a risk of choking!

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 Never:
Never leave a child alone at home or in the car—even for a moment!

Never leave a child alone in the bath. Until your host parents tell you their child is old enough to
bathe alone, you must stay in the bathroom when children are in the bath or shower. Do not leave
to pick out pajamas, answer the phone, or answer the door.

Never leave the child with another adult, even if the adult is a friend of yours.

Never open the door to anyone that you do not know unless your host parents tell you to do so
ahead of time.

Never let children go outside alone unless your host parents have allowed it ahead of time.

 Focus on their children and your child-related duties during your working hours.
- Do not talk on the phone or use the computer while you are caring for the children. Tell your
friends and family that you are working and need to talk with them when you are off duty.
- When you are at the playground with the children, play with the children rather than talking with
other caregivers.

 Respect the “house rules”.

- Your host parents have carefully defined rules on visitors, use of the car, phone and computer, and
curfews. Show your respect for the family by following these rules as a way to build trust with your
host parents.

Just as you need to actively build your relationship with the host children, you need to build a relationship
with your host parents, too.

To do so:

 Help your host parents to get to know you.

Tell your host parents as often as you can about fun things you did with their child during your working
hours, and interesting things you remember from your own childhood and from your culture.

 Ask lots of questions about your work.

Even if you feel silly asking what seems simple, you really must ask if you have any doubts! It may
feel embarrassing to say you don’t understand, but your host parents completely understand that
misunderstandings can occur due to not having the same native language

Do not say “yes” when your host parents ask you “do you understand?” - if you don’t!
Ask your host parents to repeat it, show you and write it down. Host parents would much rather
explain instructions repeatedly until you understand… rather than not trust you when you claim to
understand.

 Over-communicate with your host parents about their children.

You are the “eyes and ears” for the host parents. You will hear what the kids say when they come
home from pre-school, kindergarten or school and what they need for the next day. Share all of this
information with the host parents every day.

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  Show your host parents what you do with the children.
It is always nice for a parent to see what their children were doing during the day when they had to
be away from them.

Take pictures of your kids during the day and show them to your host parents in the evening. If you’ve
made art projects, completed homework assignments, or built something together with the kids and
their toys, set them out for the host parents to see when they arrive home.

 Accept that German families are probably different from families in your home country.
Understand that parenting styles differ across cultures, and learn to accept the “German” style of
parenting.

C) Learn to set boundaries for the children

Before your host children and your host parents can fully trust you, you need to learn to provide consistent,
age-appropriate discipline. Your disciplinary style must fit with the host parents’ disciplinary style.

 You must talk with your family about rules for their children, and how to handle it when the children
don’t respect the rules. Remember that both your expectations and the consequences for poor
behavior need to be age-appropriate. Your disciplinary approach for a one-year old must be
different from your approach with a six-year-old.

Regardless of age, the key basis for successful discipline is that children should always know that there will
be consequences when they make poor choices.

Physical Punishment is unacceptable

Physical punishment may be acceptable in other countries, but is forbidden in Germany and will incur
legal consequences!!

 Smacking a child / giving him a hiding / hitting it -or whatever it may be called in your country is still
physical violence and thus absolutely unacceptable in Germany!

 Never shake a baby or child — serious injury or death could result.

 Never pick up a child roughly or pull children by the hand if they are resisting walking with you.

 Never forcibly restrain a child, even if in the context of disciplining.

 Never pinch or bite a child to “show them what it feels like.”

 Physical punishment can not only physically injure the child; it can scare the child and break the
child’s trust in you and or adults in general.

 It will cause your host family to end their match with you! It will also result in your dismissal
from the Ayusa au pair program!

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Disciplining the children

Be sure to discuss with your host family how they want their children to be reprimanded as every family as
their own way of raising their children. Often families use the following:

“Positive Discipline”

 The “Positive Discipline” approach focuses on the behavior rather than the child. For example, if a
child hits another child, we do not say the child is bad, but rather that hitting (the behavior) is bad.

Positive discipline also uses the idea of baseball, emphasizing that “after three strikes you’re out.”
Before using it, discuss it with your host family to ensure that agree with this disciplinary approach.

Strike 1: Give a verbal warning

The child has made a poor choice, and the child’s behavior is unacceptable. You tell the child calmly
that the behavior is unacceptable – and why it is unacceptable! This way the child can understand
(depending on age) what it is that it is doing wrong.
You should also tell the child that if he/she chooses to continue the behavior, s/he will lose a valued
toy or privilege, i.e. you will take away the toy they have been fighting about or there will be no
desert after lunch or bed time story or a visit to the zoo etc.

For young children, try to distract them or redirect them to a new toy or activity.

Strike 2: Give a last verbal warning / Remove a valued toy or privilege

If the child continues to behave poorly, you will advise the child that this is the last verbal warning
that he/she will be given and if it continues this way then the previously announced consequences
will follow.

In some families, however, only one verbal warning is being given. If the child continues to behave
poorly, instead of giving another warning, the “object” that was at the heart of the poor behavior
will be taken away. This can also be a privilege such as “going to the playground after snack time”.
This approach is effective because if the child modifies his/her behavior, the good conduct can be
positively reinforced by returning the toy or privilege.

Strike 3: Time for (further) consequences

Depending on whether the family believes in two verbal warnings or taking away a toy / privilege, a
consequence must now be reinforced.

You will now take away the toy / privilege –with the option to return it when the behavior has
improved.
If with “Strike 2” the toy / privilege had already been removed – now the “option of returning it” will
become void for the rest of the day. (or at least until the child really shows improvement in its
behavior for a longer period of time).

In many countries like i.e. the USA the concept of “time out” is widely known and commonly used.
This is not the case in Germany.

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  NOTE: discuss with your host parents first whether they would actually accept this approach
for you when dealing with poor behavior of their child. If they do, be sure to discuss with
them specifically what version of time out they would find acceptable.

D) Teach your children to communicate and problem solve

Using the steps below, you can guide children’s behavior and help them learn to resolve problems in a way
that helps them to feel responsible and capable of managing their own behavior.

The steps are:

 Stop the action and interrupt the behavior.

“Stop, that isn’t safe. I know you are angry, but you may not hit her.”

 Listen to the children’s explanation.

Actively listen and try not to judge or interrupt the children.

 Identify the problem and show you understand how the children feel.
“I understand that you are sad when the fire truck is being grabbed from you. And that you are mad
that he has the truck now.”

 Brainstorm solutions.
Ask the children “What can we do about this?” rather than telling them what to do.
Allow the children to come up with as many ideas as possible. Let the children come up with the
solution.
As young children cannot brainstorm yet, offer them simple choices instead. “Do you want to put the
truck away, or do you want to take turns?”

 Summarize the solution.

Repeat the solution the children agreed to.
Use as few words as possible, so the children pay attention and understand.

E) Let Your Host Parents Have the Final Word

If you encounter a behavior that you do not feel you have handled well enough but couldn’t think of a better
solution at this moment, then tell your host parents about it when they come home in the evening and ask
them for their advice.

Even if your own family or culture would suggest that you discipline differently from the host parents’
approach, remember that you are caring for the host parents’ children. It is best for the children to provide
discipline that is consistent with their parents’ approach.

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7.2.4. Things to do with children

Finding things to do with children is very easy nowadays.

For one you can, of course, do activities you did with the children you babysat back home or have looked
after as a camp counsellor, etc.

Children, regardless of nationality, enjoy board & card games, coloring in, dressing up, playing “I spy”, playing
“catch”, playing imaginary games of princes, pirates, princesses, “mother-father-child”, playing “at the
doctor’s office” or “restaurant / kitchen” or “grocery shopping” or enjoy collecting sticks and stones and
leaves to create something out of it – build something with their building blocks. It is usually easy to find
something to play with children as they are always up for playing with you – and even showing and explaining
a game to you, if you don’t know it.

Then there are books with age related suggestions for activities. Be sure to sign up at the local library!
Children love going to the library, too. See whether the library holds story telling or story reading events for
children.
And even if you do not speak German fluently, arts & crafts books for children often contain detailed
instructions in form of photos, thus making it relatively easy to follow the instructions. Should you get stuck
on a word, there is always the dictionary to translate it into your own language.

And then there is, of course, the internet, providing you with endless ideas on things you can do with children.
It is the “Number One” resource on finding things to do with children. The best part about it is that you can
search for things to do in your own language.

Just entering “fun things to do with kids” in a search engine on the Internet will find an endless supply of
different websites, i.e. Pinterest, featuring free or cheap things to do. (Try it out! You will find numerous
ideas about fun and free things you can do with children)

Remember, children of all ages enjoy doing things like:

 sensory games & experiments (i.e. making your own play-doh, making soap bubbles, etc.)

 arts & crafts (coloring, drawing things made up, painting with finger paints, making collages, creating
figures out of salt dough / clay / play-doh, etc.)

 doing physical activities (playing circus, having an adventure outdoors, playing sports, i.e. soccer,
swimming, bicycling, going to the playground, etc.)

You just have to find out what kind of activity they usually enjoy doing and see how they react when you
introduce new things to them, too. Ask the previous au pair if possible what the children have enjoyed doing
with her in order t get some new ideas.

 Just be sure to think of some things that can be done indoors and things that can be done
outdoors, too!

Note: It is very important for German parents that their children spend as much time as possible outdoors!

In fact, we have a saying in Germany that “there is no bad weather, there is just inadequate clothing”,
meaning if you dress weather appropriately, not even a bit of rain can bother you.

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Milestones of a child’s growth

There is a great deal of normal variation in a healthy child’s growth and the child you care for may deviate
from these milestones. Still, using these milestones might help you understand the needs of the child better
that you will be caring for.

Note: Using these milestones below can also help you to think of age suitable activities to do with your host
children.

Age Body Personality Language & Thinking Skills

3 months Holds up head and chest while Smiles at faces Cries less and makes sounds
lying on stomach Stays alert and looks Responds to voices regularly
Eats and sleeps more around
6 months Reaches out for and grabs hold Looks closely at objects Laughs and squeals
of objects Recognizes you (may be afraid Coos frequently
Sleeps in favorite position of others) Reacts to sounds
First teeth appear Smiles at other children
9 months Holds and shakes a rattle Self-feeds crackers Says ma-ma or da-da
Sits up without help for short Holds baby bottle Imitates sounds
periods of time Shy with strangers Responds to own name
Shifts objects with fingers Smiles at face in mirror Watches others
Can stand up when supported
12 Sits without help Acts more securely with Waves bye-bye to people
months Can pull up to standing position strangers Responds to music with body
Picks up objects with fingers Displays emotions like love and movements
Crawls on hands & knees jealousy Two word vocabulary (and
Enjoys the company of adults more)
Helps in dressing Understands no-no
15 Can move around a room holding Tells you when a diaper needs Points to things
months onto the furniture for support to be changed Five word vocabulary
Can stand alone Doesn’t always stop when told Imitates adult speech
Walks with assistance Very curious Points to clothes of parts of
Crawls up stairs Approaches other children body when named
18 Walks without falling (much) Acts impatient with problems Says no
months Walks up stairs with assistance Disobeys commands Points to pictures of people or
Can pull or throw toys Takes off shoes, flushes toilet occasionally objects when
named
Understands speech, but
babbles speech

21 Squats down without falling Pulls you to show you things Asks for food and help
months Kicks a ball Can drink from a cup Speaks two-word sentences
Stacks blocks and toys Gives hugs 20 word vocabulary

2 years Runs without falling Imitates housework Speaks in 3-word

Walks up and down stairs
Turns pages of books
3 years Runs easily
Climbs, jumps on one foot
Toilet trained
Shares when asked sentences
Puts on simple clothes Says I, me and you
Names and points to pictures
Undresses self Vocabulary of 500-1000 words
Imitates adults doing simple Uses words to make requests
tasks Recites nursery rhymes

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 Helps with chores when asked
4 years Runs on tiptoes, throws a ball Dresses self with help Makes up nonsense words
overhead, balances on one foot Plays cooperatively with 3 or 4 Speaks clearly, can be
Cuts a line, copies a circle children at a time understood by non-family
Feeds self with a fork Laughs often members
Tells stories
5 years Rides a bike, marches in tune, Waits for a turn, shares, Says most words and letter
learns to dance washes face and hands sounds
Copies designs and letters Differentiates and classifies Follows two directions: Bring
Brushes teeth objects the toy and put it on the chair.
Tells jokes Counts to at least 25
6 - 9 Physical growth slows School, teachers, friends, Able to reason
years Increase in weight hobbies and activities become Understands concepts
Improved coordination important Thinks logically
Needs physical activity Spends more time with friends Argues
Tendency to catch childhood Invents an imaginary playmate Communicates through
illnesses Competes with friends speaking and writing skills
Learns basic skills: reading,
writing and arithmetic
9-12 Rapid growth spurts Relies less on parents Thinks abstractly
years Girls often taller & heavier than Wants more independence Enjoys creativity in arts and
boys of same age Feels peer pressure social sciences
Girls often more mature Understands multiple views

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7.2.5. First aid for children
Everyone who deals with children on a regular basis must know the basics of administering First Aid.

Even though emergencies are rare, you need to know what to do when something happens (apart from the
fact that you should call 112 in real emergencies).

Talk with your host family about the following:

 Ask your host family to post emergency phone numbers by every phone in the house (poison control,
fire department, police department, the children’s pediatrician, host parent work and cell phone
numbers, local neighbor’s phone number).
 Ask them who you should call in case of an emergency (parents? Neighbors, emergency service, etc.)
 Ask them where they store their emergency kit with band-aids etc.
 Find out where a fire extinguisher is stored in your host family’s home and how to use it.
 Ask your host parents how to shut off water to the toilets and how to use the plunger.
 Ask to see where the circuit breakers are in the home and how to reset them.
 Find out where the flashlights and batteries are stored (it’s very unlikely that you need it as Germany
is not known for these kind of scenarios but still it’s useful to know where everything is stored).
 Ask how to shut off the gas to the stove in case you smell gas.
 Read up on First Aid for children

The following tips and advices have been taken from the UK Red Cross Website
(http://www.redcross.org.uk/What-we-do/First-aid) as there was no official German website with an English
translation for this topic. (Note: we altered the UK emergency number to the German emergency number:
112 instead).

While reading and memorizing these tips are most certainly helpful, it is by no means a proper substitute for
attending a First Aid course run by professionals!

 Ayusa does not take any responsibility or liability for the correctness of the following first
aid tips and strongly suggest for you to attend a First Aid course in your home country and /
or in Germany during your stay!

First Aid courses (Erste Hilfe Kurs) can be booked in almost every town or city in Germany through e.g. the
German Red Cross (Deutsches Rotes Kreuz), the German Child Protection League (Deutscher
Kinderschutzbund) or other charities (i.e. Johanniter, Malteser, etc.) and sometimes even at local community
colleges (Volkshochschule).

Ask your host family for assistance and whether they will sponsor a first aid course for you. Usually families
will be more than happy to do so as it is for the safety of their children.

BABY CHILD

First aid for a baby who is choking First aid for a child who is choking

Key skill: Give back blows and chest Key skill: Give back blows and
thrusts. abdominal thrusts

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Give up to five back blows. Hold the baby face down Give up to five back blows. Hit them firmly on their
along your forearm with their head lower than their back between the shoulder blades. If back blows do
bottom and hit them firmly on their back between not dislodge the object, move on to step two.
the shoulder blades. If back blows do not dislodge
the object, move on to step two.
Give up to five abdominal thrusts. Hold the
Give up to five chest thrusts. Turn the baby over so child around the waist and pull inwards and
they are facing upwards and place two fingers in the upwards above the child’s belly button. If
middle of their chest just below the nipples. Push abdominal thrusts do not dislodge the object,
inwards and upwards. If chest thrusts do not repeat steps one and two.
dislodge the object, repeat steps one and two.

Call 112 if the object could not be dislodged. Call 112 if the object could not be dislodged.

First aid for a baby who is unconscious and NOT First aid for a child who is unconscious and NOT
breathing breathing

Key skill: Give rescue breaths and chest Key skill: Give rescue breaths and chest
compressions. compressions.

Check for breathing by tilting their head back and Check for breathing by tilting their head back and
looking and feeling for breaths. looking and feeling for breaths.

Tell someone to call 112. (If you are on your own,
carry out rescue breaths and chest compressions as
described below for one minute, and then call
112.)
Give five rescue breaths. Tilt their head back, seal
your mouth over their mouth and nose and blow
five times into the baby.
Tell someone to call 112. (If you are on your own,
carry out rescue breaths and chest compressions as
described below for one minute, and then call 112.)
Give five rescue breaths. Tilt their head back, seal
your mouth over their mouth and pinch their
nose. Blow five times into the child.

Give 30 chest compressions. Push firmly in the Give 30 chest compressions. Push firmly in the
middle of their chest with two fingers so that the middle of their chest with one hand so the chest
chest goes inward, then release. goes inward, then release.

Give two rescue breaths, then continue with cycles Give two rescue breaths, then continue with cycles
of 30 chest compressions and two rescue breaths of 30 chest compressions and two rescue breaths
until help arrives. until help arrives.

First aid for a baby who is unconscious and First aid for a child who is unconscious and
breathing breathing

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Key skill: Hold the baby on their side with their Key skill: Move the child onto their side and tilt
head tilted back. their head back.

Check breathing by tilting their head back and Check breathing by tilting their head back and
looking and feeling for breaths. looking and feeling for breaths.

Hold the baby on their side with their head slightly Move them onto their side and tilt their head back.
tilted back, supported and lower than their bottom.
Call 112.
Call 112.

First aid for burns

Key skill: Cool the burn.

Cool the burn under cold running water for at least ten minutes.

Cover the burn with cling film, or a clean plastic bag.

Call 112 if necessary.

First aid for meningitis

Key skill: Call 112 if you observe any of the symptoms.

The baby or child may have flu-like symptoms, a headache and a high temperature. They may also
complain of a stiff neck and be sensitive to light. At a later stage, a rash may form (that does not disappear
when a glass is pressed against it).

If you observe any of these symptoms, call 112.

Give the baby or child constant reassurance while waiting for the ambulance.

First aid for a severe allergic reaction

Key skill: Call 112 when you observe the symptoms.

The baby or child may develop a red, blotchy rash, itchiness or swelling on their hands, feet or face. Their
breathing may slow down.

When you observe any of these symptoms, call 112.

When there is a known allergy, use their auto-injector, following the recommended guidance.

Reassure the baby or child, and make them as comfortable as possible while you wait for the ambulance.

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 First aid for a broken bone
Key skill: Keep the injury still and supported.
Support the injury with cushions or items of clothing to prevent unnecessary movement.

Call 112.

First aid for poisoning and harmful substances

Key skill: Establish what? When? And how much?

Establish what they have taken, when and how much.

Call 112.

Do not give the child any food or drink unless advised otherwise by the Emergency staff

First aid for a head injury

Key skill: Apply something cold.

Get the baby or child to rest and apply something cold to the injury (e.g. frozen vegetables wrapped in a
tea towel).

If they become drowsy, vomit, or their condition deteriorates call 112.

First aid for bleeding heavily

Key skill: Put pressure on the wound.

Put pressure on the wound with whatever is available to stop or slow down the flow of blood.

Call 112.

Keep pressure on the wound until help arrives.

General advice

Further to the above, speak with your host family about this topic before anything does happen.
If you did not speak with them about this topic before the match, now is the time to discuss it.
This way you know exactly what they expect you to do in case of an emergency.

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Additionally, check with your host family where they keep the adhesive plaster (band-aids) and disinfection
spray in the house in order for you to tend to small bruises and cuts yourself.

Be sure to also discuss with them whether you are allowed to give any medication to your host children when
the parents are not at home and which of the medication, they keep in the house are actually for the children
and thus safe to give to them!

7.2.6. Communicating with your Host Family

Establishing clear and open communication between you and your host family is very important. Everyone
will benefit from honest and open communication.

Many au pairs are uncertain of how to address concerns or problems in a foreign culture or language, and so
they stay quiet. This creates tension between the au pair and host family. Instead, you should talk with your
host family about questions or concerns when they come up.

Your host family knows that it may take time for you to adapt to a new lifestyle, language and customs, as
well as their schedule and needs.

If your host family asks you to tell them how you feel or to share any questions, speak up!
Your family really does want to know how you are doing! No one benefits from a polite “I’m fine, thanks”,
when this is not the case.

1. Adjust to the “direct” German style

To have a successful au pair year, you and your host family must learn to recognize the differences in your
communication styles. Together, you should discuss approaches to problem solving that are mutually
comfortable.

Germans are usually very direct or “up front” about dealing with problems or misunderstandings. They prefer
to address disagreements directly and quickly, find a solution, and then move on.

Don’t let this “directness” startle you, especially if you come from a culture where expressing personal
feelings, preferences, and opinions may be considered rude or socially unacceptable. Germans are direct
even with elders or employers. Your host family will not expect you to agree with them simply because they
are older or your employer.

Germans also expect others to make eye contact during conversation, as this is considered respectful. Looking
down or away while talking with your host parents may make you seem disrespectful or indicate that you are
not listening.

Our German culture also uses smiling to communicate that everything is okay in a relationship, so smile when
you see your host parents and children! Host parents will feel better if you smile when you see them, as it
will communicate that you are happy and everything is going well. (Naturally if this is not the case and you
are not happy, you should not “hide” behind a smile either but rather say what is upsetting you.)

Your host parents will also expect you to do what you say you will!

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Host parents will perceive you as being dishonest if you agree to something when talking with them, but then
ignore it later on!
Be sure to keep your word and do the things you said you would.

Showing appreciation is very important in Germany. Host families often comment that they feel their au pair
is taking everything for granted that they do for her. Thus, be sure to thank your host parents if they
presented you with an extra or went out of their way to do you a favor.

2. Understand the context

Host parents tend to be very busy. Please try not to be offended if they come home from work tired, upset,
or don’t talk with you as much as you’d like. Realize that if your host parent is in a bad mood, it doesn’t
mean it is about you. If you do feel offended by their behavior, sit down with them later on to discuss it.

Children have good days and bad days, just like you. Sometimes they say things that are mean. Remember
that they are likely frustrated, and don’t know how to communicate that, especially in a foreign language
(English). Expressing your frustration in a foreign language is not easy for adults and certainly not for children.
Thus, they might say hurtful things that are not truly personally directed at you but just their way of venting
their frustration at that moment.

3. Daily communications

Talk with your host parents about how they would like you to share details of your work day with the children.
They might also have a special spot on the kitchen counter to put homework, art projects, and pictures from
the day. Likely, they will ask you about the details of their children’s day when they return home from work
or at dinnertime.
Be prepared to share the day’s events as well as thoughtful observations about each child’s moods, activities
and any information their kindergarten or school teachers shared with you that day.

4. Weekly meeting

Your host parents are encouraged to schedule a time to talk to you each week. This meeting (feedback talk)
is a time to address any concerns, discuss schedules, and anything else about the children, the family or your
stay in Germany.

 It is very important that au pairs and host parents resolve small problems or misunderstandings before
they turn into big ones.

This weekly discussion could take the form of a weekly family meeting, in which all family members partici-
pate — or it could be a private time where you and your host parents discuss the week’s events over a cup of
coffee.
Try to schedule your weekly meeting for a time when you are all likely to be able to attend, and for when
you are all well-rested rather than at the end of a long day. Many families and au pairs find it is helpful to
have this meeting on Sunday evenings before the work week begins.

Even though we strongly suggest these kinds of meetings to host families, they might not remember to do so,
once you are actually there. Thus, as these feedback talks are in your very own interest, ask for those weekly
meetings to be held if you feel they are important for you and help you, i.e. to settle in with your host family
and understand their needs better.

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 5. Discuss problems as they arise

Don’t wait until your weekly meeting to bring up an issue. Host families have been advised to address prob-
lems as they arise rather than to wait until they become more and more frustrated about something. You
should do the same! The best time to approach this is during your feedback talks with your host family. If
you and your host family do not have feedback talks on a regular basis, request for one to be held (request
for it in a nice way).
Find the right time to address your problem: wait until the children have gone to bed or are out of the house
for a while (i.e. at school, etc.) to ensure you have the full attention from your host parents. Before “launch-
ing” right in your concerns, ask them first whether the time is appropriate for them too. If it isn’t (i.e. they
need to work or attend an appointment, etc.), they will suggest another and more suitable time instead.

 If you feel unsure how to address a certain topic with your host family, do ask your local Ayusa
representative for advice first.

6. Offer solutions

Choose a time when your host parent can talk

If you have something you would like to discuss with your host parents, it's best to wait for a time when the
children are asleep and your host parents seem to be in a relaxed mood. The conversation will go more
smoothly if you start the conversation when they can give you their full attention.

Share solutions, not just problems

When you are talking with your host family about an issue, try to focus on explaining the problem and your
idea for a solution. Provide a specific example of an issue that is hard for you.

Offer your host family constructive feedback, rather than just emotional reactions. For example, “It’s hard
for me when you….” and “It would be easier for me if you….”
Always take responsibility for your role in the issue! Share with your host parents what are you doing that
contributes to the issue, and how you propose to change that. Do not try to assign “blame,” and instead
focus on finding a way to move forward together with a solution.

7.2.7. Involving your local Ayusa representative for a mediation

If a problem persists, becomes more serious or you are simply unsure how to address your host family with
your concern, turn to your local Ayusa representative for help. She will listen to your concerns and will give
you advice on how to handle it best.

If the problem is of a serious nature or you don’t feel comfortable discussing the issue alone with your
host family, she will ask your host family for a suitable date & time to all meet up together to discuss the
issue and to hopefully find a solution that everyone can live with.

During the mediation meeting, be prepared to speak calmly and openly about your concerns. Use specific
examples to illustrate challenges or your efforts to address your host family’s concerns about your behav-
ior. Try to keep your emotions under control and do not place blame. Instead, suggest solutions if possible.

Because many issues will resolve themselves over time, Ayusa expects au pairs and host families to wait
at least two months from time of arrival before deciding to make a placement change (“rematch”). You

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should use these two months to work towards a strong match and good relationship with your family.
However, any decision regarding a placement change is made at Ayusa’s sole discretion.

Please understand that Ayusa cannot guarantee finding a replacement host family in the same city, thus
you should do everything you can to make your current match a successful one!

If you want to go ahead with the placement change, make sure to follow the guidelines, explained in chapter
“Rematch” in chapter 8.

7.3. Sharing Your Culture

7.3.1. Preparation

Successful cultural exchange goes both ways—your host family shares their German culture with you, and you
share your own culture with your host family.
Before you come to Germany, you should prepare to share traditions from your country with your host family.

Likewise, we have asked your host family to think about their family’s unique characteristics and think about
how they can share their German culture with you. We also asked them to consider German holidays, customs,
and foods that may new to you, and to think of ways to enjoy these special activities together with you, if
possible.

7.3.2. How to share your culture

Cultural exchange is one of the reasons your host family chose to host an au pair, so have fun sharing your
culture with your host family. The children will benefit greatly from the opportunity to learn about your
culture. They will also love to find humor in cultural differences, so share the things you find funny (or think
they will.)

 When you discuss cultural differences with your host children, stress the idea that cultures are dif-
ferent - not better, not worse, not weird, not strange - just different!

Babies and toddlers will enjoy hearing songs and stories from your home country. Singing the alphabet, count-
ing and naming colors and body parts in your native language are also fun for young children.
Your family will love it when you tell them about customs and traditions in your home country, cook a native
dish, and talk about your country’s holidays. You might even suggest celebrating one of those holidays with
your host family.

Once you are comfortable in Germany, you can even volunteer to visit your host children’s school to talk
about your home country and culture if the teachers agree to it.

7.3.3. Experiencing German Culture

One of the main reasons you chose to become an au pair is your desire to experience German culture and
your host family will help you explore those different aspects of German culture.
You’ll soon find that you can experience and explore Germany in many ways—it’s around you in your daily

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life, not just the special trips and celebrations that will be part of your year.

Another important way to experience German culture is to become involved with your community during your
non-working hours by either joining local (sport) clubs, becoming a member of a church community, taking
classes or volunteering locally.

Even the food served in your host family’s home is part of your cultural exchange.
Although the food may sometimes seem strange, you should try everything at least once (unless a health or
religious concern prevents it.) Offering to cook one of your own favorite meals for your family would be a
nice gesture, and ensure that you can enjoy some of the favorite foods that remind you of home.

As you can see, “German culture” also happens every day in the rhythm of your life with your host family
and your local community. You can find it in your host children’s description of their school day when you
pick them up after school, the play dates you have at the local park, the conversations you have with other
students in your German classes, and the Saturday night movie outings with your friends.
And last but not least, feel free to ask your family or Ayusa representative about local events, holidays and
customs.
Don’t miss German holiday celebrations such as the famous “Oktoberfest”, “Karneval” (Mardi Gras), German
Unity Day, Wine or pumpkin festivals, St. Martin and St. Nicholas Day.
Learn how worldwide holidays such as Christmas, Easter, Passover and New Year’s are celebrated here very
differently than in your home country.
While you will probably miss the way i.e. Christmas is being celebrated in your own family, do see it as what
it is: an amazing opportunity to celebrate this holiday just once completely different from what you are used
to! In years to come you will look back and still remember your “German Christmas”.

Even though you are excited about your year of cultural exchange, you will likely find that your emotional
state shifts throughout the year. In the first few months, some au pairs progress through a predictable pattern
of “culture shock” before they feel totally adjusted to life in Germany. Others experience some degree of
homesickness at one point during their stay.
Read on for what to expect and how to handle both common aspects of an extended stay in a new culture.

7.4. Homesickness and culture shock

7.4.1. Dealing with culture shock

You have made an important decision in coming to a foreign country and living with a new family. There will
be days when you are very happy with your decision and there will be days when you’re not.

Most au pairs experience culture shock during their stay, some more than others.

Culture shock results from living in another culture, which has values, perceptions, expectations and beliefs
that differ from those of your native country. Confusion, frustration, and stress often accompany the process
of adjustment that any foreigner may undergo when living in a new country. The inability to speak the
language is one of the biggest contributing factors to culture shock.

Even au pairs who speak German can potentially experience culture shock due to the many cultural
differences between Germany and their home country. The effort involved in communicating in another
language (German or English) can be exhausting, especially when you are adjusting to many other changes in
your life.

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You may appear quiet or disinterested to your host family, when you are really just too tired to concentrate
fully or talk. You or your host family may feel frustrated with the inability to express complete ideas or
feelings to each other due to the language barrier involved. It is important not to lose your sense of humor
when experiencing language difficulties.

Patience, empathy and talking openly about culture shock symptoms can help both, the au pair and family,
throughout the year.

Culture-shocked individuals will go through various stages of adjustment as the year progresses.

The stages of culture shock

1. The “Honeymoon”
The “honeymoon period” is when the family and au pair feel that everything is new and exciting. Both the
family and the au pair focus on cultural similarities. At this stage both the au pair and the host family are
much like tourists, intrigued by all of the cultural similarities.

2. Disenchantment – initial culture shock

The novelty has started to wear off and reality begins to set in. The au pair’s focus shifts to cultural
differences, rather than similarities. You may get homesick for familiar foods, sights and friends. In extreme
cases, these symptoms may appear:
 boredom
 withdrawal
 need for excessive amounts of sleep
 compulsive eating or loss of hunger
 irritability
 exaggerated cleanliness
 need for affection
 feeling uncomfortable with the new family

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  feeling emotional and overwhelmed
 lack of confidence
 stereotyping of Germans
 inexplicable crying
 physical ailments such as stomach aches or headaches

Patience is extremely important during this phase. Adjustment takes time!

It is equally important to actively do something about your “misery”: While some au pairs find comfort in
talking with family and friends back home (Phone, Skype, Facebook, etc.), this approach brings only
temporary relief!
In fact, it will usually increase the feeling of loneliness and misery and you may even start questioning why
you came here at all.

It is crucial to not give in those feelings and to remember all the reasons you came here for: to break out of
your old life and to have an adventure, to experience a new way of life & culture, to broaden your horizon,
to learn another language which will help you later on when searching for a job –and of course, to travel.
Focus on your goals and what you hope to achieve during your stay in Germany. You will only be here for a
short amount of time because 6-12 months is nothing in your whole life span.

 Make the best out of it!

Go out there, try out new things, join a local club (sport, theater, choir, etc.) or do some volunteering work.
This is the best way to meet new people and make new friends. Do anything that gets you out and be active
in your free time!

 Note: If you are feeling any of the above symptoms do speak about it with your host family. They will
most likely have noticed these symptoms on you, too and will worry about your wellbeing. By letting
them know about it, they can support you as best as they can to overcome this phase.

3. Early Adjustment
At this phase you are on the road to recovery. This is the stage in which you begin to feel more comfortable
in your new environment. What was once “threatening” and unknown has now become acceptable and
familiar.

4. Real Adjustment
By this phase, you feel truly at home in Germany. You have learned to function in this new culture with
confidence. You may actually now enjoy and appreciate things you were highly critical of during the second
phase.
Many former au pair say that at the end of their stay they have become more grown up and more self-
confident. They can now work on their own initiative, take more responsibilities and are able to adjust and
be more flexible and open-minded.

In the end, it may be very difficult for you to contemplate leaving this new culture because you have become
so comfortable with it. In fact, when the time comes to leave, you may experience reverse culture shock.

7.4.2. Homesickness
It is quite likely that you will be homesick-- longing for your home or family-- at some point while you are an
au pair in Germany. It is only natural and is not something that should embarrass you. It is not a sign of failure

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to admit that you're missing home. By traveling to Germany as an au pair, you've made a bold statement of
independence. Homesickness may feel like you're backtracking in some way, but it is not.

It is likely that you will miss something, but what that is could be anything -- conversations with friends, the
color of the road signs, people speaking your language, TV advertisements or recognizable money. Trying to
judge what you will miss is difficult, as you'll never know until it happens.

We all like comfort. We all like things we know well and understand. Home is safe; home is easy. Move away
from it for a bit and you soon realize where you've come from. As an au pair, you’ll likely miss home the most
when things go wrong or when you're ill. Birthdays and Christmas can be low points too. If you are miles away
from home, you will sometimes feel distant from home and loved ones. In this way, we are all the same.

Handling Homesickness

There are a few key ways of dealing with homesickness. These keys are similar to those of the “disenchant-
ment phase” of culture shock. The “cures” are as diverse as the people who are in the au pair program and
you'll soon discover what suits you best.
Luckily, homesickness is usually mild and doesn't last long. And there are things you can do to make sure it
doesn't spoil your fun.

1. Talk to people who care for you

Share your feelings with your host family and local Ayusa representative. Be honest and open with them
so they understand how you are feeling.
Talk to other au pairs who can empathize. Attending regular meetings with other au pairs will also really
help! Knowing you're not the only one dealing with this will ease your feelings of loneliness, and you
might feel better when you cheer up someone else.

2. Take it one day at a time

Be patient with you — no one settles in immediately. Focus on the “here and now.” Try to think of it as
being on a long vacation. Remember that these memories will last a lifetime.

3. Keep a journal
Writing about your feelings can help you understand them. Writing about homesickness may show you
what you really miss, whether it's your cat or the smell of breakfast on Sunday mornings. Then you can
find a way to ease that ache, like asking your parents to send a picture of your pet or finding a local
ethnic supermarket that sells your favorite treat from home.
Each day, write down something that made you laugh and one new experience that you enjoyed or pro-
vided a sense of accomplishment. At the end of each week, read back over the week’s entries to celebrate
how far you’ve come.

4. Discover the best way to stay in touch with family and friends back home
Some people will find that it helps to phone home, send a few extra emails and postcards-- and ask for
some in return. For others it will add to the problem! They'll prefer to ride it out and get in touch only
when they're feeling better about things.
Regardless, don’t call or email home every day. Try to make it a once a week routine on your day off of
work. Have your family save the stories for your weekly calls or send a weekly email.
Share photos of your new life with your family and friends back home. They will love to see pictures of
your new home and community and your host family.

5. Participate in your host family’s life

Participate actively in your host family’s life so that you begin to feel less like a guest and feel more like

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 a member of the family. Take time to know the people you now live with and remember that this is a
new experience for everyone.
Understand that experiencing cultural differences is part of the benefit of your au pair experience. Try
not to be too judgmental about the German lifestyle.

 Remember that a culture is not “worse” or “better” than another – it is just different!

6. Start to build new friendships

Make new friends by meeting up with nearby au pairs and students from your classes in your off-hours.
Make plans for your off-duty hours with other au pairs from your area.

7. Stay active
If you just sit around in your room, you'll have more time to think about feeling sad. Talk to people and
start new activities, and before you know it, you'll be too busy to be homesick.
Get involved with activities that will add structure to your “off duty” hours, such as classes, sports teams,
clubs, volunteer programs, and religious communities.

Joining a gym is a great way to get in shape and possibly make some new friends. Many au pairs gain
some weight after being in Germany for a few months and they find that joining a gym is a great way to
stay healthy.
For inexpensive options, check out places like “McFit” or “Cleverfit” or sports classes that your local
university offers. Even non-students can benefit from those reasonably priced sports classes.

8. Get to bed early and maintain a balanced diet.

It’s tiring to navigate a new culture and take care of children at the same time, so give your body the
sleep and fuel it needs.

9. Do something you enjoy every day

When you're having fun, you're less likely to spend time thinking about people and things you miss. Con-
tinue what you enjoy doing – whether it’s an evening walk after the kids go to bed, reading in your native
language, listening to familiar music, eating a delicious meal or going to church.
Write your own list of things that are good for you so that you can refer to the list when you need to. Be
creative and treat yourself to your favorite something.

10. Keep your sense of humor

Laugh rather than cry at any cross-cultural mistakes. Telling your host children about frustrating cross-
cultural experiences can often help you see the humor in them.

Finally, if you are having trouble combating a feeling of homesickness, take a moment to review your
expectations. Sometimes feelings of sadness may also be feelings of disappointment when your au pair
experience doesn't live up to your dreams. You may need to readjust what you want to get out of your
experience.

Almost everyone has felt homesick at some time. Remember that there's a good side to homesickness
too-- it means you have family and friends’ worth missing and a place you want to return to when your
adventure away from home is over.

In the long run, understanding German culture will help you better understand your own culture by chal-
lenging you to view your home country’s ways from a new perspective. Ideally, you will become more
tolerant and understanding of people and ways of life that are different from your own, and your au pair
experience will truly have been a life-changing one.

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7.5. Cultural differences
As an au pair you will most likely want to share your culture with your host family, while hoping for them to
share their traditions and values with you. However, in order to successfully share each other’s culture, both
of you have to understand and acknowledge the differences in your cultures first.

 If you search on the Internet for “cultural differences in Germany”, it will come up with lots of
different websites, blogs and videos (often from expats living in Germany) on this subject.

Be sure to read some of those websites and blogs and watch some of those videos to learn more about what
those people perceive as differences (compared to their culture) and how they suggest to overcome those
cultural obstacles – all the while keeping in mind that everyone perceives and sees things differently!
While one thing might not feel any different or like ‘not a big of deal’ to one person, for someone else it is.

 You should also always take those perceptions and perceived differences ‘with a pinch of salt’ and
form your own opinion later on once you are in Germany.

7.5.1. German stereotypes that are true

While it would be wrong to generalize a whole nation, there are some stereotypes that Germans are well
known for. As you will probably encounter these at some point during your stay, it is useful to know about
them beforehand.

Below you will find a list of a few things that are “very German indeed”.
It is by no means an exhaustive list but rather intended to get you started on your own profound research on
this subject.

Formality – Du and Sie

 Among adults, Germans are quite formal addressing other people, especially around people they do
not know (well).
If they meet someone for the first time, they will introduce themselves by stating their surname,
not their first name. This will most likely be followed by a firm handshake with the person they have
introduced themselves to.
The conversation that follows will be conducted by using the word “Sie” when addressing each other.
“Sie” is the formal version of “you” and the verbs that are being used in this conversation are
conjugated in third person plural.

 Germans will continue to address the other person by “Herr” (Mr.) and “Frau” (Ms.) followed by the
person’s surname every time they meet and will expect the same of the other person until this person
tells them his/her first name and asks if it would be alright to switch to the more informal “Du”
instead. “Du” means “you” on a first name basis and the verbs used in the conversation will switch
to second singular person, too.

 While the above holds true especially with older adults, younger adults tend to be less formal and
will either introduce themselves by their first name right away or switch to first name basis quickly.

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  Still, in order not to appear disrespectful you should stick with the formal version until ad-
vised otherwise.

 When there is a rule, there are always exceptions, too.

Children and teenagers are being addressed by the informal “Du”, of course. The same applies to
your own friends and family and also among university students.

While you can certainly address your host parents with “Du” right away, do check with them what
they think how their grandparents, neighbors and friends should be addressed correctly.

 Fun fact: Kindergarten teachers, pre-school teachers and hospital nurses are often addressed
by their first name AND the formal “Sie”. School teachers and doctors however, will always
be addressed with “Sie” and their surname.

 Exchanging greetings are very important, too. When entering a room or meeting a person or group
of people, the newcomer is always expected to greet the other(s) first, either with a formal “Guten
Tag” or an informal “Hallo”.

 The same applies to ending a meeting. It will either be the formal “Auf Wiedersehen” or the informal
“Tschüss”.

 Don’t be surprised though when someone hugs you when greeting you. These days, hugging
each other while exchanging informal greetings is also quite common amongst German adults.

When living with your host family, make sure you always greet them when returning to their
house after you have been out and say “bye” when you leave, too. It almost goes without
saying that you should address your host children, too, if they are in the same room, instead
of ignoring them.

After all, this is not a shared apartment and common courtesies must be complied with.

 And last but not least, making eye contact when greeting someone is important, too, as it shows
attentiveness and respect.

The “direct” German way

 Another custom that Germans are well known for is their directness. Germans admit that they tend
to be direct and frank in dealing with each other. They believe that there is no point in “beating
around the bush” but to get to the core of things right away.

 This is why Germans often feel rather uncomfortable about making small talk with strangers. While
people from e.g. the US are well-known for their love of small talk, this is something Germans don’t
really tend to do much. So don’t be alarmed when in a social gathering with Germans it might take
a bit longer to get a conversation started. It’s not that they are not interested in talking with you,
they just might not find the right topic themselves to approach you with. So do feel free to strike up
a conversation first if you feel like it.

 However, once you have struck up a conversation with a German, s/he will open up fairly quickly.
Don’t be surprised to be asked all sorts of questions. Germans are usually very interested in hearing
all about other cultures and ways of life. They love to talk about travelling, too.

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  When intrigued by a topic they might also ask your views on things like politics, economics, environ-
ment and even religion. They are not trying to be rude and will most likely not even notice that this
is how they might come across to you; they just enjoy discussing and debating their opinions with
others. So be prepared for candid comments.

 The reason most often stated for this habit is the idea that being truthful and authentic is better
than being superficially polite. This is also the reason why, when a German is being asked “How are
you today”, s/he will not take it as a friendly rhetorical question but rather answer the question
truthfully (and maybe even in detail).

 Knowing how Germans “tick” in this regard will make it easier for you as an au pair to communicate
better with your host family, too!

German host families sometimes say that they have a hard time “reading” their au pair. They find it
difficult to understand whether an au pair really likes, i.e. a certain type of food or is really ok with
something, if they only get a polite “I’m fine / that’s fine” answer to their questions.

 rather than being polite, just be direct and tell your host family in a nice way that you
don’t like a certain kind of food or are not happy with something. Your host family will
appreciate it and will try their best to make amends.

Praise & criticism:

 Unlike in some cultures, where e.g. your professor or supervisor at work may constantly point out
your good work, expect to receive fewer comments in Germany.

 While children get praised for e.g. something they have done well, praising gets substantially less
the older someone gets.

 This does not mean that your work is not being appreciated. In fact, it often is. Unfortunately, people
do not often express their gratitude verbally.
One can even say that if your host parents do not comment on your work done e.g. with your host
children, it probably means that your host family is happy with it.

 Unfortunately, this habit doesn’t apply to criticism. Germans tend to be upfront about it because
they prefer to settle disagreements quickly in order to get on with their life.

 If your German host family is not happy about something that you have said or done or the lack of
either, they will let you know about it. They will either remark on it right away or will tell you later
when they feel the time is more appropriate.

 Having said that and in recent years, Germans have also started to criticize more indirectly. Instead
of addressing you directly, they might state out loud that they really dislike this or that particular
thing, hoping you will get the clue. If you don’t, don’t worry they will eventually refer back to the
“old method”.

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Friendship & German hospitality

 As stated previously, Germans are often more reserved in the beginning but do open up quickly if
they like the person they are talking too. The same pretty much applies to friendships.

 Friendships are taken seriously in Germany. While Germans tend to be more cautious in the beginning,
once they have chosen someone as a friend, they will “go through thick and thin together” with him
or her. Even though it may take some time and energy to establish friendships with Germans, it’s
usually worth the effort. You can of course speed up this process by making the first step.

 Foreigners often say that Germany is not known for its hospitality which is sort of true. While in other
countries like i.e. Mexico or the US it is quite common to invite someone to your home for food
(usually dinner) this is not common practice here. Also, while in other countries the host might serve
an elaborate meal to their guests, in Germany ‘food invitations’ to one’s home are usually confided
to “coffee & cake” in the afternoon (the cake will usually be home-made though). However, if one
does receive a food invitation as a guest (i.e. to come over for brunch, dinner or a barbecue) it is
usually an honest and authentic invitation, meaning that one has been accepted to the ‘inner friends
circle’ of that family.

Table manners, food & eating habits

 Meal times are usually not a quiet affair in Germany. This is usually the time where the family gets
together to discuss the days’ events (or to discuss during breakfast what lays ahead).

 while it is not mandatory for the au pair to participate in the family’s talk, it is sort of (unconsciously)
expected by the host parents that the au pair actually does!
While the parents might at first think the au pair to be too shy to say anything, they will expect her
to participate (at least a bit) as the days go by - and will wonder what’s going on if s/he doesn’t. So,
to ensure ‘peace and harmony at the dinner table’ make sure to join in the family chat by talking
about your day with the kids, what activities you did in the afternoon, etc. If you can’t understand
something that is being said, don’t be shy to ask them to repeat it or say it in another way/ language.

 Germans eat their food with the fork always in the left hand and their knife always in the right hand.
They keep both of the cutleries in their hands during the entire meal. When using a spoon, they
don’t put the other hand in their lap but rest it on the table next to the plate. In general Germans
tend to eat their food with the help of cutlery and not with
their hands.

 Germans also don’t cut up all their food (e.g. meat) at once but only one bite at a time

 Usually there is a napkin next to the plate that should be used. If there isn’t, then the hands should
not be wiped at the table cloth but asked to be handed a napkin instead.

 When sitting around the breakfast table, everybody would usually be expected to appear at the table
fully dressed and not still in their pajamas.

 In general, Germans don’t wear onesies at home or walk around their pajamas all day. If you do,
don’t be surprised to get stared at and commented on.
Even if your host family has a more relaxed approach to wearing PJ’s all day – it is an
unspoken rule that all family members (including the au pair!) are fully dressed when
visitors are coming over.

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  Breakfast is a very important meal for many families at the weekend and can become quite
lengthy with everyone relaxed and talking about the week’s events.
Meeting up for a late breakfast (or brunch) at a café with friends is also very popular in
Germany.

 On weekdays, however, breakfast is more rushed and “Abendbrot” (= evening bread = Dinner)
becomes the main meal of the family!

 Lunch still plays an important role for some families (especially with young children) and for
others none at all.

 While Germans don’t spend as much money on food like the French, eating a healthy diet is becoming
more and more important for families.
Families, who welcome an au pair in their home, often comment in their applications that they place
a significant value on buying high quality food. Whenever possible they try to avoid processed foods
and buy organic instead, in special whole-food supermarkets that have been launched all over
Germany over the last few years.

 Something else to know about food in Germany is that Germans love to eat bread. There are “a
hundred million” different kinds of bread and bread rolls to be bought in bakeries.
While the majority of German enjoys eating hearty food with potatoes and gravy, we don’t very much
like too spicy food and would never voluntarily sprinkle chili on our foods to make it hotter.
Still, Germans love to eat out and try out new restaurants and new food. Especially in bigger cities
you will see more people at i.e. Thai, Vietnamese or Italian restaurants than in a German style one.

General Manners

 Manners are also an abundant source for cultural misunderstandings. What might be considered
good/bad manners in one country might be quite the opposite in another one.

 Apart from being punctual, addressing someone the correct way and using salutations when beginning
and ending a conversation (either in a face-to-face meeting or in written conversations) is important
as well.

Miscellaneous

1) When a German accidentally bumps into someone, s/he apologizes to the person but doesn’t do
so when the person has bumped into him/her instead (like e.g. in the US)

2) When a German enters the house or apartment of a friend, s/he will take off his/her shoes in
the entrance hall to not get the floors dirty. S/he will then most likely be presented with guest
“house shoes” (guest slippers).

3) When someone sneezes, it is still largely perceived polite to say “Gesundheit” (health) while the
person who sneezed apologizes for doing so “Entschuldigung” (Apology)

4) When an old person or pregnant woman enters a local bus, tram or underground train, the polite
thing to do is give up your seat. Unfortunately, this habit is being observed less these days.

5) When placing or answering a phone call, Germans identify themselves by stating their surname
followed by a greeting, e.g. “Guten Tag, hier ist Simone Schmidt.”

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 6) When coming over to someone’s place for dinner, lunch, etc. it is polite to ask the host whether
there is anything one can help with (preparations, setting the table, etc.) even though the host
will most likely decline the offer.

7) When staying at someone’s place for an extended period of time (e.g. as an au pair) it is con-
sidered very rude and demonstrates an enormous lack of respect for the host (e.g. the host
family) to leave the room that one is occupying in an untidy, dirty and messy state.

 This is unfortunately something that host families comment on quite often to Ayusa office
and field staff. They do want their au pair to feel at home and comfortable in her/his room
but wish the au pair would show more consideration for their property. They have usually
worked very hard to afford the accommodation they have and don’t want to renovate the
room again after you have left. So treat your room and the furniture in it with care.

Service with a frown?!

 Foreigners often hear about Germany’s “famous lack of customer service”, while in fact it is not
worse or better than in any other European country.

 It is true that one is asked “how are you today” when entering a German store but this stems mostly
from the German opinion that one should be left in peace when shopping.
In fact, many Germans dread the question “can I help you with anything” as they feel they are being
put on a spot if all they really want to do is just to have a look around.
If they do really require help with something, they will either address the shop assistant themselves
or make eye contact with this person and get approached this way.

 In Germany, there is a famous saying ‘Wie es in den Wald hinein ruft, so schallt es auch heraus’
(What goes around, comes around). This applies pretty much to customer service in Germany, too.
The shop assistant will usually be just as nice to the customer as the customer is with him/her. So,
when entering a small local store (and not a big chain), it’s recommendable to say “Guten Tag” and
“Auf Wiedersehen” when departing.

Fashionably late? No way!

 One of the most common known customs of Germans is their love for punctuality. It is very important
for Germans to be on time. They do not like to be kept waiting!
If you are supposed to meet someone at 4 pm at a certain place or are supposed to pick up your host
children from kindergarten at 3pm – you are expected to be there on time and not half an hour later.
People might not say anything to you the first time around but you can be sure that it was noted
nonetheless.

 Also, it is custom to call and apologize in advance that you will be running late by a few minutes, to
give the person you are supposed to meet the chance to adjust to the new situation. And don’t make
a habit out of running late as it will cause trouble eventually.

 The same applies for starting work. Be on time. If your host parents want you to help them with the
children in the morning and to leave the house at a certain time, set yourself an alarm in order to
wake up on time! Be aware that getting ready in the morning takes much longer when kids are
involved.

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  If you and your host family have not discussed a certain wake up time in the morning, don’t
just presume you can sleep in but rather ask them what time they need you to start working.

 Note: in general, Germans place high value on punctuality, privacy, data protection and a sense of
order.

Religion

 Germans usually don’t speak much about religion as they think that a person’s beliefs are their private
matter. They are usually tolerant and open-minded about other people’s beliefs and expect to be
treated with the same attitude.

 The majority of people who are religious in Germany are Christians (Catholic or Protestant) with some
other religious minorities, too. Most of these people are not active church goers but attend service
for special occasions like Easter or Christmas.

 It is also not uncommon to meet Germans who are not religious at all. What might be socially unac-
ceptable in other countries is quite common in Germany due to its history. In fact, the majority of
Germans in the Eastern part of the country are often not religious at all, while people in the southern
states like Bavaria still are.

 A host family, e.g. will always respect an au pair’s wish to attend church in his/her free time but
expects at the same time that the au pairs beliefs do not interfere with their own family life either.
This includes also no lecturing the host children on religious matters.

Patriotism

 Foreigners often comment on the lack of patriotism in Germany which has, of course, to do with the
dark German history of the 20th century.
During your entire stay in Germany you will probably never hear a German say that s/he is proud to
be German, they do not want to be considered a nationalist. Patriotism is simply a taboo topic and
associated with only negative things.
Therefore, you will hardly ever see the German national flag, not on public institutions (except for
government buildings) and certainly not at people’s homes. The only time you will see Germans
waive the national flag and get a bit excited about their country is during the World Cup or European
Championships. Sport is the only reason Germans allow themselves to indulge in a little flag waving.

Environmental consciousness

 Many German host families are very conscious about power and water usage, both for environmental
and financial reasons.

 They expect the au pair to follow their examples in order to be a good role model for the
children

 Some of the most important rules in regard to environmental consciousness are:

1) Take only short showers. Germans take more showers than baths and showers here usually
last 5-10 minutes. Showering for half an hour is considered a waste of water and money.

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 2) Turn off the heater when opening the window. In order for rooms to not develop any mold
(which can cause health problems), Germans often air their rooms by opening all the windows
for a short period of time to get a fresh breeze in and damp air out. When open your window,
you must turn off the heater.

3) Switch off the lights. When you leave a room, switch off the light to save energy.

4) Germans don’t like “wastage” and are quite passionate about recycling. There is a special
recycling bin system in Germany with different color coded bins for glass, plastic, paper,
household waste and biological waste (food). Your host family will be more than happy to
inaugurate you in the recycling system and soon you will be recycling like a pro yourself.

5) Environmentally friendly shopping. Germans’ dedication to help “battle the global fight for
saving our planet” can also be seen in their way of shopping. When out shopping for groceries,
Germans tend to bring along their own (environmentally friendly) bags instead of purchasing
(yes, you read it correctly, purchasing) a plastic bag. They also bag their own groceries at
the cashier’s as there is no designated shop assistant to help you.

7.5.2. Other important things to know about Germany

General Safety

 Germany is a comparatively safe country. Still, we do have crimes like i.e. theft, rape, robberies
and assaults here, too. Pickpockets usually operate in bigger cities, especially in crowded, touristy
places or in public transportation (Subway trains, buses, etc.) Therefore watch your belongings and
keep them close to you at all times.

 Do not make yourself vulnerable by getting drunk to the point of being wasted. When going home
late at night avoid dark empty streets, parks, etc. and let your host family know in advance where
you’re going to, who with and when you will return

 When withdrawing cash at a cash point, cover your PIN. Don’t carry your full au pair stipend around
with you and keep your wallet close to you and where you can see it

 Don’t carry your passport and visa around with you. Use another photo ID (i.e. driver’s license) or a
photocopy of your passport instead.

 In case of a medical emergency ring National German Emergency Number: 112

For non-medical emergencies you can also ring the Police instead at: 110. (Note, ringing 911 will
not get you anywhere!!)

 To sum it up: Use the same safety precautions you would use in your home country.

Safety consciousness at home

 Regardless of whether your host family lives in the heart of a big city or in the quiet suburbs, chances
are they will be quite safety conscious.

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  Host families who live in a house often have an alarm system. Be sure to ask them how it works and
how to turn it off when entering the house to avoid any unpleasant and loud surprises. The family
will most likely ask you to turn it back on when you come home late from a night out.

 The family will also ask you to always lock the door and close all windows whenever you leave their
house!

Road safety & public transportation system

 Remember to look left and right when crossing the street and stop at red traffic lights. There is
usually no jaywalking in Germany, except in big touristy cities.

 Germans love to bicycle and use their bikes very regularly to get to work, go shopping, pick up their
kids, etc. Bike lanes are often marked in another color (usually a dark red). Respect those bike lanes
to avoid being run over!

 In big cities there are several companies where you can rent a bike for a few minutes, some hours or
a whole day. You will often need to download a respective app on your phone to use them.

 When using a subway (called U-Bahn or S-Bahn), tram, bus or train beware of flashing lights and/ or
sounds that indicate that doors are closing. Take those seriously to avoid getting trapped between
closing doors!

 Do not use any public transportation without a valid ticket! Undercover staff (of those public
transportation companies) frequently patrol through subways, trains, etc. and fees will be
around 60-100€ if caught without a valid ticket.

 Pay attention to announcements on loudspeakers at bus/train / subway stations or in buses/ trains,

etc. regarding construction works, delayed trains, ticket checks (“Dieser Zug endet hier”, “Die Fahr-
scheine/Fahrkarten bitte”, “Betriebsstörung”, “Schienenersatzverkehr”, “Züge verkehren nur unre-
gelmäßig” “der Zug fällt aus / ist verspätet“, etc.)

 Taxis / cabs are easy to find on main streets or in front of train stations, shopping malls, etc. Com-
panies like, i.e. Uber is not as widely used or found as in other countries.

Drugs & Alcohol

 Using any kind of drugs in any amount at any time is a violation of German law!

 Au pairs found to have been using drugs will be dismissed from the program immediately and will
be responsible for the cost of their return flight, regardless of the contract signed.

 The legal age to drink alcohol in the Germany is 16 years of age for beer and wine and 18 years of
age for any other alcoholic beverages.

 Never show up for work still drunk and do not drink alcohol during working hours either!
 Never drink and drive!

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  Apart from the fact that the car is the property of the host family and that you should therefore
treat it with care, Germany also has very strict laws when it comes to “Driving under the Influence”
(DUI). You could incur severe legal costs, lose your license and / or experience jail time.

 Note that smoking is forbidden in most public places including restaurants, airports, and stores in
Germany.

Medication

 is not as easily accessible as it is, i.e. in the US. You can buy pain killers like i.e. paracetamol or
ibuprofen, etc. but nothing stronger. You will need a doctor’s prescription for that (as for many
other medications too). If you do need to buy pain killers you will need to go to the pharmacy.
Supermarkets and drugstores don’t sell them. You can however buy things like i.e. cough drops,
vitamins, etc. in drugstores

Floor number system:

 The German floor numbering system starts off with “Erdgeschoss” (= ground floor). This is the floor
at street level followed by “1. Stock” (first floor) which is the first floor above street level (in e.g.
the US this would actually be 2nd floor).

Phone numbers:

 Phone numbers in Germany consist of an area code and the actual number. The area code can be-
tween 3 and 5 digits long and always start with a zero, i.e. “030” or “0221”, etc. Toll free numbers
usually start with 0800. Due to the fact that the “owner” of this number needs to take over all
charges, these numbers sometimes only work when dialed from a landline, not a mobile phone.
These toll-free numbers should not be confused with 0900 numbers as these charges often 10 times
the amount for a normal phone call.

Mobile numbers always start with “01” like i.e. 0176 or 0152, etc.

When calling abroad, don’t forget to start off with the country code first (https://countrycode.org/).
Try to avoid high call charges though by using Skype or Facetime instead.

Weather & consequential mood swings

 It almost goes without saying but it does get cold here! We usually have all four seasons, including
heavy rains and cold and snowy winters (usually more in the south and west of Germany), so do pack
appropriately before coming here.

 If you are from a ‘warm temperature country’ like, i.e. one of the African or Latin America Countries
it might be best to come here with the warmest jacket you can get in your home country but then
buy proper winter gear when in Germany.

 However regardless of the weather, Germans place a high importance on being outdoors as much as
possible “in the fresh air” (as we call it). Especially children should spend more time outdoors than
indoors. There is a saying in Germany that “there is no bad weather, just a bad choice of clothing”,
so keep this in mind when planning your day and your activities with the kids

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  We have also noticed in the past that Ayusa participants often seem to experience some kind of
‘winter blues’, especially around late October / November and then again from January to March
when the Christmas and New Year’s excitement are a thing of the past again. During these months
the weather is usually cold, windy and rainy or snowy and so au pairs can start to feel miserable and
start pinning for home (and for warmer weather). It is a natural reaction to want to ‘stay in bed and
keep warm’ during these months.

 It is also common for au pairs to then start pondering about their au pair match with their host family
and brood about every little thing that hasn’t gone to plane. It is easy to lose sight of the bigger
picture during this time and to make hasty decisions.

 In order to prevent this kind of rash decision and unnecessary stress for everyone involved, you should
therefore bundle up, go outside and brace the cold. Make sure to soak in as much sunshine as possible
to help level out your metabolic and hormonal balance again. Exercise (especially outside) is also an
excellent remedy to get rid of this blues. So when you start feel down, don’t brood but put on your
running shoes instead.

Restaurants & bars

 The ‘lack of customer service’ is also notable in restaurants and cafés. First of all, there is no seating
service. Customers can sit wherever they like. The waiter will only come to the table to take the
order, bring the order and to bring the bill later on - and only if prompted to do so by the customer.

 On the bright side – once you have sat down at a table and ordered something to drink and eat, you
will usually not be required to get up again after i.e. an hour like in the US. You can usually sit at
that table all night to talk with your friends, as long as at least one of your party orders another
drink every now and then.

 In restaurants, cafes, bars, beer gardens, etc. there are usually no free drinks of tap water, even
though it’s safe to drink! So, if you order water you will always have to pay for it. There are also no
free refills and drinks are a not as cold as, i.e. in the US. Water will usually be served in a bottle.
It will usually be sparkling water (!), unless you order still water specifically.
There are usually no ice cubes in drinks, thus if you want ice cubes, you will need to tell the waiter/
waitress so when ordering your drink.

 In restaurants or bars, you usually do not need to wait to get seated but can choose a table you like
instead (unless a “reserved sign” has been placed on the table)
 It is not uncommon for people to ask you whether they can also sit at your table if the rest of the
restaurant / bar / Biergarten (beer garden) is full
 It usually takes longer for the waiting staff to bring you the menu than it does, i.e. in the US. It also
takes longer for the staff to bring you the bill

 Good to know as well: it is common practice in Germany to split the bill, meaning that everyone
will only pay for what they have ordered! (The practice of one person paying for the whole table or
splitting the costs evenly among all, is not widely used and will most likely result in raised eye-
brows when suggested)

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Tipping

 Tipping is a common practice across Germany, and people generally give a tip to anyone in the
service industry. This includes restaurants, hotels, taxis, bars, cafes, etc. You do not need to tip
at fast-food restaurants though. Staff gets paid minimum wage here, so tip really is just that.

 Tips are usually 10% of the bill a person has to pay for. However, you do not leave the tip on the
table but tell the waiter/ waitress what you want to pay. i.e. when the bill states 13,60€, you
would say “15€ please”, so you need to be quick at calculating

Paying for purchases

 Payments in stores, restaurants, cinemas, etc. are usually done in cash or by debit card. Payments
by cheque or credit card are not possible.
 VAT is always included in the price of an item, you don’t need to add it on top.

Opening hours

 Something important to know about shopping in Germany is that stores in Germany are usually only
open Monday – Saturday! They stay closed on Sundays and bank holidays!

Sometimes and only in bigger cities, there will be a special “Sunday Opening” (usually around the
time before Christmas and Easter), resulting in crowded streets around the shopping area and long
queues at check-out counters.

Grocery shopping:

 The same opening hours apply to supermarkets too. In bigger cities you will have little local shops
called ‘Späti’ (from the word ‘spät’ = late) that are open after usual opening hours and sell mostly
alcohol and cigarettes but also a few regular items and groceries. There are also sometimes small
supermarkets in train stations in bigger cities that are open late in the evening or on Sundays.

 Due to environmental concerns (plastic) bags are no longer for free but cost usually around 20 cents

 Also, there is no ‘packing service’ in German supermarkets. Everyone bags their own groceries and
speed is required, too as cashiers are usually trained to handle the sales process very speedily in
order not to make other customers wait too long in line. So you will need to hurry too.

Measurements:

 Germans measure distances in centimeters (cm), meters (m) and kilometers (km); weights in gram
(g) and kilogram (kg) and liquids in milliliters (ml) and liters (l).

If you are not sure how to measure something from, i.e. pound to kilogram or inch to centimeter, etc. then
use a measurement converter like, i.e. http://www.convert-me.com/en/

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The education system in Germany

 If you read the application of the host family, chances are that they will have a child attending
kindergarten. However, kindergarten age is not the same age in Germany as it is, i.e. in the USA!
Just like “pre-school” does not mean the same thing in both countries either.

Children start attending Kindergarten usually

between the age of 1 (mainly in the East and North
of Germany) and 3 (more in the west and south of
Germany).

They go to Kindergarten until they are

approximately 6 years old.
Only the very last year in Kindergarten is called
“Vorschule” (pre-school).
Once the children are 6 yrs old they start primary
/ elementary school.

Elementary school lasts until either 4th grade or

6th grade depending on the (type of) school.

Germans attend middle school until about 10th

grade. Depending on their grades, they either
continue school until 12th grade and sit their
exams (A-levels called “Abitur”) in order to be
allowed to study at university or they finish school
at 10th grade and go on studying at a vocational
training school to prepare them for a certain job.

Source:http://www.howtogermany.com/pages/germanschools.html

Fun fact:

When children start school for the first time (start with first grade), the very first day is reserved for a
big party called “Einschulung” (literally meaning start of school life).

There is a big “Einschulung” celebration at the child’s school with a little program performed by children
of the 2nd or 3rd grade and a speech by the headmaster before the first graders go into their class for the
very first time together with their teacher. They usually have an introductory lesson then followed by a
short photo shooting with their classmates, teacher and then their parents.

After school the ”Einschulung” celebration will be continued privately with the family, relatives and
friends.

The best part of the “Einschulung” besides the party is however the “Zuckertuete” or “Schultüte” that
the first graders receive from their family and relatives. The “Zuckertuete” is a huge cone made out of
colorful cardboard with lots of decorations on them and literally means “sugar bag”. It is filled with candy,
chocolate, toys and useful things for school. Children usually look forward to the “Einschulungsparty” and
the “Zuckertuete” for almost a year before they actually start school.

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Social Media & Internet file sharing websites

This is a very important subject in Germany, so much so that existing data protection laws have been
strengthened recently to ensure that personal data from people cannot be shared without their consent
without the offending person to face severe consequences for this action.

 Germans really do place a high importance on protecting their personal data.

 Au pairs must respect the privacy of the host family and vice versa.

This means that au pairs (and host families) need to discuss with each other beforehand which data the other
party is allowed to share on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or in their personal blog/vlog!

 NEVER post any personal information without the host family’s consent! Always ask before
making something public.

Posts about your experience as an au pair

 Whenever you post something about your experience as an au pair beware of the language
you use and the things you write about!

It is hereby irrelevant whether you are actually friends with your host family or not. As long as it is a comment,
post made on a public site, chances are your host family will either read it themselves or hear about it from
others.
 Posting something in another language than English or German is no guarantee that it cannot
be understood by people it is not meant – thanks to tools like Google Translate, etc.

In the past, it has unfortunately come to au pair match break ups because of posts on Social Media.
Even though they were not always meant in a harmful way, they did cause a lot of discussions and
misunderstandings and ultimately led to a match break up as the host families had lost their trust in their au
pair.

 Speaking of which, make sure that you are not only sharing your feelings and impressions on
Facebook but also share them with your host family in Germany.

It can be frustrating for host families to never get personal feedback from the au pair but to only read about
it online. Face-to-Face communication is important and much appreciated in Germany.

File sharing

File sharing is the practice of distributing or providing access to digitally stored information, such as computer
programs, multimedia (audio, images and video), documents, or electronic books. It can be implemented
through a variety of ways.

Users can use software that connects to a peer-to-peer network to search for shared files on the computers
of other users (e.g. peers) connected to the network. Files of interest can then be downloaded directly from
other users on the network. Typically, large files are broken down into smaller chunks, which may be obtained

85
from multiple peers and then reassembled by the downloader. This is done while the peer is simultaneously
uploading the chunks it already has to other peers.

 IMPORTANT: file sharing is illegal in Germany and can incur hefty fines for the au pair and
host family!
Users can be tracked through the IP address of the host family and then lawyers take over. Just one illegally
downloaded song or episode from a TV series can cost more than 800€ onwards.

Therefore, we strongly discourage all au pairs from downloading any kind of music or videos or other materials
from the Internet. If a lawsuit is claimed, then the au pair will be held accountable for all the associated
fines!

7.6. Family rules

We strongly encourage au pairs to be open-minded and to remember that the rules they follow in their home
country do not necessarily apply in Germany. After all, this is a cultural program and you have come to
Germany to experience the German way of living.

As you learn to live together, you will also learn about the household rules that your host family considers
to be very important for them. You are a member of their family; therefore, they will want you to respect
and follow these rules as well. After all, you are a role model for the children, too.

 Read the following points carefully and discuss them with your host family to understand
to what extend these rules apply in their home and with their family, too!

Use of landline

Speak with your host family about using their phone. Don’t just assume that you can use their phone without
having discussed it once beforehand.

Ask your host parents to explain their telephone billing system to you, their rules for use of the phone (for
both you and the children), and any phone restrictions.

Let them also explain to you how to recognize a landline number from a cell phone number, too.

Note: as an au pair, you are responsible for paying for your own long-distance and international phone calls!
You should therefore discuss with your host family in advance, how you will pay for these calls!
To avoid paying for any expensive phone calls, we highly recommend for you to use Skype to stay in touch
with your family and friends back home.

 On a side note: Remember to always defer your personal phone calls to non-working hours only!

It is not appropriate to have long phone conversations while caring for your host family’s
children. During working hours your entire focus should be on the children.

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Use of cellphone:

Au pairs often bring their own smart phones and laptops with them. Although this seems convenient, it can
cause problems if au pairs spend too much time on them and do not get involved in their local community or
with their host family apart from on-duty hours.

It is rather normal for au pairs to take their smart phones everywhere, even to the dinner table and to family
evenings. Please note that this is considered very rude in Germany and not acceptable.

Au pairs are especially discouraged from using their smart phones (except in an emergency) when spending
time with the host family’s children. When on duty or spending time with the family, au pairs must refrain
from texting and playing on their smart phones!

Note: Regardless of whether your host family lends you a German cellphone or you use your own, make sure
to use SIM cards of pre-paid phone providers only.
Pretty much every supermarket in Germany (i.e. Aldi, Lidl, Kaufland, Rewe, etc.) offers their own prepaid
phone services for very reasonable prices.

Phone contracts with monthly bills should not be signed while au pairing in Germany! While it is difficult to
get out of these contracts after 12 months, they can contain hidden costs for domestic and international
phone calls. It takes a lot of careful tracking of usage of minutes to not unexpectedly run up high phone bills
at the end of the month.

 Good to know: If you are being called on your mobile from abroad - you will partly have to
pay for this call, too. This can get costly very quickly.

Also, some foreign mobile phones don’t work in Germany as they are not compatible with the German Phone
system (i.e. US mobile providers use a Tri-Band system which we don’t have in Germany)

Taking phone messages

Also, ask your host family how they would like you to answer the phone at their home. “Hallo, bei Familie
XXX. Hier ist XXX” (= Hello, at the XXX residency. Here is XXX) would be a good way to answer. Ask the family
though whether they want you to answer the phone differently – or not at all.
If they want you to answer the phone be sure to take a note with the date & time, the name & number of
the caller and the message itself – and pass it on to the family member who the message was for.

Use of TV

As stated previously in this handbook, many German host parents are not keen on their children watching too
much TV. Some children are not allowed to watch TV at all, not even when the host family prepares the meal
during this time.
Make sure you speak with the host family about it to fully understand their wishes – and comply with them.
You must not go behind their back as it will come out eventually (children talk) and your host family will lose
trust in you.
Note: families also often limit the use of electronic devices (i.e. video games, iPad, etc.) for their children,
too!

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Use of computer

If you have your own laptop, please make sure you have it in a safe place away from the children as they can
damage it very easily.

Some families also share their own computer with their au pairs. If your host family shares their personal
computer with you, please:

 Respect your host family rules about their computer. If they need the computer for work or children
need it for homework, make sure you let them use it first.
 Use the computer only when you are “off duty.” If your children are napping during your working
hours, use the time to complete child-related household chores.

 Visit only appropriate web sites. Remember that your host parents can see what web sites you visit.

 Ask your host parents for permission before you download anything. Remember that we have very
strict laws in Germany concerning the use of File Sharing websites!!

 Ask your host parents for permission before you upload any photo that includes members of their
family, especially the children.

 Never share your host family’s address, phone number, or information about the family with anyone
you meet online or post this information in social networking website (e.g. Facebook, MySpace, etc.).
This puts you and your host family at great risk!

Discretion and Good Judgment

As an au pair, you are representing yourself, your natural family, your host family, the au pair program, and
your home country. Please make sure you always conduct yourself in a positive way. While working and
spending time with your children, please wear modest clothing and always act professionally. Be mindful of
your language and tone of voice.
Respect your host family’s privacy by not discussing their family life with others. Likewise, it is not
appropriate to share with your host parents what other au pairs are saying about their host families. Use
discretion with your host parents when sharing your opinions on how to raise their children. Be careful not
to tell your host parents what they should or should not be doing with their children, home, or life.

Personal hygiene

Having good hygiene is very important in Germany. Be sure to shower daily, wear deodorant daily, brush your
teeth twice daily and launder your clothing regularly.

Also, set a good example for the children by:

 making your bed daily

 tidying up your room daily and cleaning it weekly
 keeping your clothes picked up
 making sure that your personal items don’t clutter the shared space.
 Keeping the bathroom, you use clean! This includes the use of a toilet brush when necessary
and clearing the sink hole in the shower and wash basin from your hair!

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  Note: While hygiene is important in Germany, make sure to take shorter showers. Water is
costly in Germany, thus taking long showers should be avoided.

Laundry

You are responsible for taking care of your own laundry. Ask your family to explain the washing machine to
you and discuss a good day for you to do your laundry.
Keep in mind that the washing cycle with German washing machines takes at least 90 minutes. Most homes
have no dryers, and therefore you will need to hang up your clothes, wait for them to dry, fold them and put
them away yourself. Don’t wait for your host mother to do it for you.

Besides your own laundry, you will also be responsible for doing the laundry of your host children.
Check with your host mother whether she needs you to iron the children’s clothes, too.
It may also be that your host family doesn’t want you to wash your clothes separately but together with their
own. In this case, they will most likely ask to take turns in washing, drying, folding and putting away the
laundry. Just ask your family what option they prefer.

Household in general

As a member of your host family, you are expected to share equally in the chores and duties of your home.
Remember, you are not a guest.

 Volunteer your help and don’t wait to be asked!

By helping you are not being exploited, but rather you are actively working on becoming a real family member.

Every family has different rules when it comes to their household. Here are the things that are important for
all families:

 Don’t leave the lights on! Make sure to turn off the light when leaving a room that you have
been in alone.

 Don’t open the window when the heater is on! Switch off the heater first, let it cool for a
few minutes and then open the window to avoid the room collecting mold.

 Don’t bring items that belong to the family into your private space unless you have asked
specifically for permission to do so.

 Don’t keep food in your room that can go bad and don’t leave empty dishes there either

 Do separate the trash. Germany does have a comprehensive trash separating system which
may feel daunting at first but it can definitely be learnt as even kids know which trash can
to use for their item of trash. Ask your host family to explain their recycling system to you
and / or feel free to do some research on the internet by using websites like i.e.
http://www.aliadventures.com/2013/02/how-to-throw-out-your-garbage-in-germany/

 Do keep your room tidy! Families really strongly dislike it when the au pair room looks like
a huge mess. They find it a lack of respect towards them and their property.
While it is your private room during your stay, the room still belongs to the property the
family has worked hard for to own. Thus, messy au pair rooms with dirty and empty dishes
and glasses really irritate host families and will cause problems during your stay.

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Be sure to avoid the abovementioned troubles by following their wishes and showing respect and
consideration for their property.

Cooking

Host families don’t expect their au pairs to be “Michelin-starred chefs”; they do however expect their au
pairs to be able to cook at least simple dishes for the children. Ask your host parents what foods and meals
the children enjoy and how much cooking is required of you. Some families need you to only prepare snacks
for the children after school, while other families need you to cook proper meals.

When you cook something traditional from your home country for your host parents and children, it may
happen that the children will not eat it. Please don’t feel offended about it. For one, children are too young
to appreciate the effort an adult has put into cooking something for them. Secondly, children are often not
very adventurous when it comes to trying out new foods. They will stick to what they know, which is often
pasta, rice and fish sticks.

Still, don’t give up and introduce new foods to them once in a while. Be sure to make it as “non-spicy” as
possible! (Germans in general don’t eat much spicy foods)

Also, the “I won’t eat food, I don’t know” approach doesn’t apply to your host parents. They will appreciate
the effort you have made into creating a delicious meal for you and the family to share.

Another idea to make new food more interesting for children is to prepare and cook it together with them.

When you are cooking with the children nearby, you can protect them from burns if you:

 Use the back burners instead of the front burners

 Keep all pot handles pointed in towards the back of the stove
 Put a tea kettle of water on any hot burner after you turn it off
 Do not attempt to move a hot pot while holding a young child. Leave hot pots on the stove to cool
before moving them over to the sink or counter.

If a child is “helping” you prepare a meal, do not let the child near the stove. Instead, ask the child to help
by stirring cool ingredients, setting the table, or serving prepared foods to the plates.

Dinner time

Spending time together and freely discussing the good and bad events of the day – often at the dinner table
– is an important aspect of German family life!
It is also the time where the next days’ events, appointments and activities are being discussed.

 Most host families expect their au pairs to join them for this meal!

Be sure to make time for it as often as possible, even on your day off, as it will help you to bond better with
your host family.
You will be expected to help setting the table and clearing it after the meal has been finished – just like every
other member of the family, including the children, will do the same.

 Note: helping with the preparations for the meal, the setting and clearing of the table as
well as the actual sharing of the meal with the family are not considered working time but

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 family time instead! After all you are a member of this family and are not living in a shared
apartment!

Family schedule

Every family has their very own family schedule. Watch and observe the family members to learn how the
house is run.
If you are used to sleeping in late on Saturday or Sunday mornings, but notice that the entire family is up at
8:00 am, check with them, if it is ok for them if you have a lie-in instead. Most likely they won’t mind if it is
your day off.

Likewise, be considerate of their needs too. If one of the host parents goes to bed very early or the family
has young children that need to be in bed by a certain time, be sure to keep your noise level down in your
room after this hour. Sometimes the walls are not very thick, thus loud animated Skype calls with family and
friends late at (German) night will be disruptive for the rest of the household. Speak with your host family
about this topic to get their view on it.

Something else to talk about are the morning routines during the week. Your host parents and their children
will have a certain time by when they need to leave the house.
Depending on whether you share your bathroom with the whole family or the kids, you will need to discuss
“who is going to use the bathroom for showering first?” Taking long showers in the morning or evening when
the kids need to get ready for bed are not appropriate. Make sure to not block the bathroom for too long
during these times.

Privacy

Many host families appreciate it when their au pair joins them for activities at the weekend or visits their
relatives with them in another city. Joining in those activities helps to create a better bond with your host
family as it shows that you are interested in them and their life.

Still, everyone needs some privacy from time to time, your host family just as much as you. If you are not
sure what the family rules are on this subject, the easiest way is to simply ask and discuss it with them.
Every family will be glad to realize that they can talk openly about this topic.

Open/closed doors

In many countries, doors within a house or apartment are always left open. Not so in Germany. Here family
members signal to others that they would like to have some privacy when the door to their room is closed.
When the door to a room is closed, be respectful and knock before entering – and only if asked to come in.

You should not enter the host parents’ bedroom, unless asked to do so, i.e. to pick up a toy or clothing from
one of the children, etc. Likewise, the host parents will not enter your room, without having asked first.

Your host children might be a different story. Depending on their age, they might not yet understand that
when the door to your room is closed, it means you would like to have some privacy in your time off. In this
case, you should tell them in a gentle and not hurtful manner that you would like to have some privacy and
don’t feel like playing at the moment.

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Sometimes it’s difficult for children to understand that their au pair is not always “on” and up for playing
with them. Here you should discuss with your host parents how to approach the subject best with the children
and to establish rules that are easy for the children to understand.

Curfew

A curfew is the hour or time when your host family expects you to be home after an evening out. Please be
prepared to discuss this with your host family soon after your arrival. You are an adult, but you are also a
guest in your host family’s home. Your host parents may worry about you when you are out until they know
you have arrived home safely, just like any parent would.

 Plan to be in early during the first few weeks.

Note: Your evenings out cannot affect your work the next day! Many host families ask their au pairs to be
home in time to get 7-8 hours of sleep before beginning their work day.

If you will be late, always call or text your host family! Host parents will worry about you if they expect you
home and you do not return on time – or not at all because you decided to spend the night somewhere else.

This is not a shared apartment! Show the family respect by telling them when you plan to go out and what
time you will be home approximately so they don’t stay up all night worrying about you.

Remember that no matter when you get home, it is your responsibility to be awake, alert and fully engaged
with the children during childcare hours the next day.
Under no circumstances should you ever start your work still under the influence of alcohol!

Socializing & Visitors

Your host family may set guidelines about socializing / allowing visitors in their home. You should discuss with
your host family in the beginning of your stay whether or not they will allow you to have visitors in their home
and how late your friends can stay. As it is their home, they are under no obligation to allow the au pair to
host visitors. Most host families do not allow overnight guests.

 If you would like your family to visit you during your stay, ask your host family about it well
in advance. Don’t assume that your family can stay with you in your host family’s home! The
host family is not obliged to do so!

During your working hours, you can never host friends at your host family’s home, go out with friends, or
meet up with friends unless the focus of the group activity is the children for whom you are all caring and
your host parents have given you permission for that specific activity.

Dating

If you fall in love, don’t just assume that your host family will let you spend the night at your girl/boyfriend’s
home or that you can have him/ her sleep over in your room.

While Germans tend to be fairly tolerant of intimate relationships, you must make sure to discuss this topic
with them –and accept their decision. After all, it is their home!

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Smoking

Host families expect their au pairs not to smoke when looking after their children. In fact, apart from a very
few, host families specifically ask for non-smoking au pairs, as they want the au pair to be a good role model
for the (older) children.

7.7. House rules

Your host family is excited to share their home with you. They want to help you feel like it is now your home,
too. To share your new home comfortably, both you and your host family need to make an effort to respect
one another in this shared space.

For example:

 Act like a real family member as you would in your own family. You could answer the phone,
bring in the mail, take out the kitchen garbage, or bring in the empty garbage cans from the road.
 Always leave the house the same way you received it. Clean up after yourself and the children
throughout the day. Put things away in the same place where you found them.
 Lower your voice inside the house when the kids are sleeping, when you are talking on the
phone, and when you have friends visiting.
 Keep your family’s home secure. When you come or leave home, lock the doors and close all
windows. Turn off the lights when leaving a room.
 Do not give out any information about yourself, your host family or their home, when talking
with strangers or online
 Be aware that electric, gas and water can be costly. Families try not to waste resources. Please
turn off lights and the TV when you leave a room. Turn the water off when you are not using it.
Keep windows and outside doors closed when the heat or air conditioning is on.

Your Room

Your room is a private space for you to relax and unwind. It is also a part of your host family’s home. To
respect your host parents’ willingness to share their home with you, you should:

 keep your room tidy — put away clothing and make your bed daily.
 empty your garbage weekly.
 launder your sheets and towels weekly.
 vacuum your room at least weekly.
 always close your windows when you leave the house!
 turn your lights off when you are not in your room.
 turn off the heater in the winter if you want to open the windows!
 air your room regularly to avoid mold/ mildew building up!
 be sure to turn off the TV, stereo, curling iron, etc. when you are not in your room.
 clear empty dishes or glasses from your room.
 store food in the kitchen instead of your room.
 tell your host parents immediately when you spilled something. They can help remove the stain.
Stains, which are not taken care of right away, usually do become permanent.

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Plumbing

Hot water is available without turning on a special switch. Be careful when running the children’s baths, as
the water can be hot enough to burn.

The hot water supply is limited by the size of the hot water heater—so if everyone needs to take showers in
the morning, keep your shower short so that the hot water doesn’t run out!

Place used toilet paper into the toilet. The plumbing in Germany is safe for toilet paper. However, remember
to flush only toilet paper down the toilet. Everything else will be problematic. Baby wipes, diapers, tissues,
sanitary napkins and tampons should all be thrown away in the trash can. They will clog the toilet.

Washing Machine and Clothes Dryer

Ask your host family how to best use the washing machine and dryer (if they have one at all). You can ask
whether it is ok for you to put stickers on the controls to remind you what settings to use. Remind them to
show you how to adjust the water levels, remove lint from the dryer and what types of clothing can and
cannot go in the dryer. When in doubt, set an item of clothing out to air-dry rather than put it in the dryer.

Remember to do separate laundry loads for light colors vs. dark colors and a separate one for whites. When
in doubt, use cold water for washing.

Dishwasher

Ask your host family if they have a “system” for placing dishes and utensils in the washer, since some items
can only go on the top rack. Ask which washing cycle they prefer to use.

Keep in mind that “dishwashing liquid” for hand washing dishes is different from “dish detergent” for the
dish washer. Ask your host family to show you which product is used for which process.

Microwave, Stove and Oven

Many families use microwaves to heat or reheat food. Only use cookware that is specially manufactured for
use in the microwave oven. Glass, ceramic containers, and all plastics that are safe to use usually will be
labeled for microwave oven use. Anything with metal is not microwave safe. Make sure to check with your
host family first before putting an item in the microwave.

When heating food in the microwave for children, be sure to test it before you serve it. Microwaves can
create heat food unevenly, and the “hot spots” can easily burn a child.
Never heat a bottle in the microwave! Always use hot water in the sink, on the stove, or a bottle warmer.
Never microwave breast milk for a baby. The microwave can destroy the special fats and antibodies in both
breast milk and formula.

The stove may be either gas or electric. Ask your host parents for instructions about how to use their stove
and oven.

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Sink Disposal

We do not have garbage disposals in our kitchen sinks! This means that you should put any scraps of food into
the garbage and not in the sink as it will clog up the sink pipe.

Recycling vs. Garbage

Many German families are very conscious about recycling! Our homes have a separate trash can vs. recycling
can and another one for paper. Please ask your host family what type of products can be recycled and what
types of products need to be thrown out in the garbage. Generally, many types of glass and plastic containers,
metal and aluminum cans, newspaper, and cardboard are recyclable. There is also a link on page 80 that you
can check out for a more detailed explanation of the German trash separating system.

7.8. Car rules

Using the car

Your host family will either allow you to use their car during off duty hours or provide you with a monthly
pass for the local public transportation system. It is up to the family to decide which option they prefer.

As the public transportation system is very good in Germany, host families often don’t need their au pairs to
use their car at all.

If your host family allows you to use their car, they will want to specify ground rules for when you can use
the car; limitations of where you can drive the car and if you can have passengers in the car; safety guidelines
for driving the children and friends; and paying for gas (= called ‘Benzin’ in Germany).
Note that gas prices are probably much higher than in your own country.

Using your host family’s car is a privilege you must continue to earn and appreciate throughout your year.

If your host family allows you to drive their car, they will need to add you to their insurance policy and create
guidelines for use of the car. It is often expensive for them to insure you as a driver, so take your responsibility
as a driver seriously!

 Most cars in Germany are manual and not automatic. You must have an International driving
permit (IDP) along with your national driver’s license to drive in Germany, at least the first
185 days of your arrival. For further information on this topic turn back to chapter 6.2.4.

Stay Focused

The stakes are high when you are driving the family car, so drive carefully:

 Never leave children in the car alone as it can become extremely dangerous for them. A car can
quickly become too hot or cold for a child, causing serious harm or even death.

 All occupants must wear a seat belt at all times; this is the law. Always double-check the straps on
car seats, booster seats and seatbelts of the children

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  Roads in Germany, especially in smaller towns can be rather narrow. Try to remember that when
pulling in and out of car spots and garages. Be especially careful when you are backing out in
reverse.

 Be especially careful in parking lots. Advance or reverse slowly, and try to refrain from talking to
the children or other passengers until you are out of the parking lot.

 Always pay very close attention when driving. If children or passengers in the car require your
attention, find a safe place to pull over to attend to their needs. For example, do not turn around
to pass a toy to a child.

 Until you are used to driving here, keep the radio turned off. Keep conversation to a minimum.

 It is illegal in Germany to use a cell phone while driving without using a headset. Also, your host
family will not want you to answer your phone, talk on a cell phone (even with a headset), surf the
web, or send or receive text messages while in the car.

Respect your Use of the Family’s Car

 Be the only person who ever drives the car — not your friends

 Tell your host family immediately if you think there may be something wrong with the car.

 If you receive a parking or speeding ticket, tell them immediately. You are responsible for paying
this fine. Pay it quickly before a warning fee comes on top of it.

 Never allow anyone to smoke in the car! Host families do not want their children to be exposed to
second-hand smoke.

 Never drink and drive and do not allow anyone to drink alcohol in the car either. You as the driver
could potentially lose your license and be arrested by the police.

 Call your host family if you have been drinking and can no longer drive. Remember that it doesn’t
take much to reach the legal alcohol limit. Do not drink any alcohol if you plan to drive!

 Bring the car home with gas when you use it for personal use. Ask your host parents what type of
gas the car uses (“Benzin” or “Diesel”). Using the wrong kind causes damage to the car.

If You Have a Car Accident

1. Find out if anyone is injured. If someone requires medical attention, dial 112 from any phone. 112 is
the free direct number for emergency services with the local police anywhere in Germany. After-
wards, call your host parents immediately to inform them about the accident and whether their
children are safe.

2. If possible, do not move your car until the police arrive and have assessed the accident. While waiting
for the police, exchange the following information with the driver of the other car:

 Name, telephone number and license ID number.

 License plate number, model and year of the car.

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  Registration number and expiration date.

 Name of the insurance company and policy number.

If anyone saw the accident, ask to write down their names, telephone number and address in the event of
insurance problems.

If you have hit a parked car, you must contact the police to file a report for the accident. Leaving your name,
phone number and license plate number on a piece of paper and putting it under the windshield wiper, is not
sufficient in Germany.

 It is a crime in Germany to leave the scene of an accident caused by you!

 Note: If you are responsible for an accident resulting in the damage of the car of the host family,
you must pay for the first 300 Euros of any damage!

 Always tell your host family immediately if you have been involved in any type of accident or
received a ticket while using the family car.

If you have an accident while driving the family car, your host parents may have to pay a significant
amount as an insurance deductible, increased insurance fees, and replacement or rental car costs.

7.9. Insurance
Your health & accident insurance

As an au pair with Ayusa you are covered for illness, accident and third-party liability during your au pair stay
in Germany. Your host family will receive suggestions from Ayusa regarding au pair insurance providers but
they will choose the actual insurance provider in the end. Therefore, the insurance details, as well as the
details of what is not covered by the insurance, can only be provided after the match and once the family
has booked the insurance for you.

If your host family has booked the insurance with the “Dr. Walter Au pair Versicherung”, Ayusa will send you
the necessary documents before your departure. If the family has used another au pair insurance provider,
please ask them to send you the English version of the insurance description.

Regardless of the insurance provider used:

 Au pairs can see a physician of their choice, whereby physicians that treat “private patients only”
often charge 3 -5 times the amount a physician charges who treats primarily “Kassenpatienten”
(public health patients)

 Au pair insurances do not cover any pre-existing conditions. Anything acute that has only occurred
after the arrival in Germany usually is covered (for details refer to your insurance booked)

 Au pair insurances also do not cover any “regular checkups” or “routine doctor’s visits” to get
existing prescriptions renewed. Note: birth control is not covered by any au pair insurance.

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  Depending on what you are seeing a physician for, you may be asked to pay upfront. You can
then send in the invoice along with the claim form (!) and your own bank details (not those of
your host parents) to the insurance to ask for reimbursement
Ayusa will send you a leaflet with further instructions upon your arrival in Germany

 If a physician suggests a longer and more extensive treatment of any kind, first ask for a list of
treatments needed along with the approximate overall costs and call your insurance provider to
ensure they will take over the costs for you!

 If you receive an invoice from your physician you must get in touch with your insurance provider!
Ignoring the invoice will only incur overdue notices and accumulate extra warning fees

Other insurance matters

Your au pair insurance does not just cover you for sickness and accident but in parts also for third party
liability.
Third party liability insurances usually distinguish between “movable” and “non-movable” objects of the host
family’s property. To say it in simple words: if a house was turned upside down, anything that falls out, is
classified as “movable” objects (i.e. chairs, pictures, rugs, silverware, etc.). Anything that would not fall out
(i.e. built-in kitchen, sink, etc.) is classed as “non-movable objects”. To understand which “movable” and
non-movable” objects are insured with the au pair insurance, please refer to your specific insurance, after
the family has taken it out for you.

Regardless of the provider used, they all contain a clause whereby in case of damage, the insurance will
cover the cost for replacement minus insurance deductible.
 For Ayusa au pairs this contribution is maximum 300 EUR in case you damage the property of
the host family. If the cost to replace the damage is less than 300 EUR, the deductible gets
reduced to the actual amount.

The same rule applies if you damage the car of your host family and the car insurance of your host family
needs to take over the costs.

7.10. Finances
As an au pair you are expected to pay for your own personal expenses such as your clothes, your phone calls
(be it on the family’s landline or your mobile phone), entertainment expenses (i.e. cinema, etc.), your own
hygiene or cosmetic products and anything else that is not au pair job related.

If your family is going on a “Day out” or to a restaurant and asks whether you would like to join them, don’t
just assume that they will cover your expenses, too!

 Ask first and offer to pay for it.

If you don’t have the finances to afford this event, say so! Families appreciate honesty and will often be
sympathetic to your situation by offering to pay for you instead. However, don’t take it for granted or even
count on it! After all, they are not obliged to cover your leisure expenses.

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Create a Financial Plan

When you set financial goals, you develop a life skill that will last beyond your au pair program year. If you
learn to manage your money you will have financial freedom that you can truly enjoy.

There are four easy steps to managing your money:

1. Open a bank account

Remember that when your host parents transfer the money into your bank account it may
take 1-2 days for it to show.

2. Determine a savings plan

First pay yourself. Set aside a nice portion of your stipend for yourself to enjoy as you want— for
outings with friends, shopping, souvenirs, etc.
Once you have paid yourself, you should save the rest in your bank account. Be sure to put money in
the bank for bills (i.e. phone bills or unexpected expenses like a medical or dental visit). Don’t forget
to set aside some money for travelling, too.

Ayusa recommends that au pairs keep a minimum of 200-300 EUR in their bank account at all times
as an ‘emergency fund’. Many au pairs choose to spend a third of their stipend and save two-thirds.

3. Spend Wisely
With a little effort, you can stretch your spending money. Here are a few ideas:
- Buy used instead of new items. “Ebay Kleinanzeigen” (same thing as Craigslist, Gumtree,
etc.) sells used items available locally https://www.ebay-kleinanzeigen.de
- Kleiderkreisel (https://www.kleiderkreisel.de/) is good clothing website where people
sell, swap or even give clothes away for free.
- Check your local newspaper for upcoming “fleamarkets” (Flohmarkt) where local neigh-
bors sell their used items at very low prices to help declutter their homes

4. Find the local Euro store

The majority of cities in Germany have several shops where all items sell for just a few Euros (similar
to Dollar stores in the U.S.). The selection can be limited, but this is a great place to find basic
toiletries and fun party supplies. The names of these stores are something like, i.e. Mäc Geiz, Zee-
mann, Euro-Shop, Tedi, etc.

 By the way – when you purchase something in a store (regardless of the actual store) VAT is
always already included in the price of the item you wish to buy

5. Sign up for a Student discount card

This card enables you to receive discounts at participating restaurants, hostels, stores, etc.
https://www.isic.de/en/cards/am-i-eligible/

6. Save money on international phone calls:

Make your international calls for free using Skype (http://www.skype.com/), facetime, etc.

7. Save money when dining at restaurants:

Watch for special deals at local restaurants such as “Happy Hours”, where early diners often receive
savings. Quite a few places also offer “lunch deals” during weekdays which include a meal and a drink
for a very reasonable price.

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 8. Good to know in general:
Germans still pay a lot in cash when purchasing something. Debit cards are also widely used and
accepted in stores. However, many stores have minimum sum that needs to be exceed (usually 10-
15€) before allowing you to pay by debit card instead! So, you should always have at least 10-20€ in
your wallet to cover purchases that are less. Also, paying by credit card (e.g. in store or restaurant)
is not very common in Germany, thus make sure you have a debit card with you instead. (If credit
cards are accepted then it’s usually a Visa, but hardly ever American Express)

When withdrawing money from a bank always check the withdrawal fees beforehand as they can be
quite hefty if you have not used a cash terminal /cash machine of the bank you have your account
with!

Respect the Program Limitations

Remember that au pair visa regulations specifically do not allow au pairs to earn extra money by working
other than as an au pair for one particular host family.

Regardless of what you see other au pairs in your community doing, by au pair visa regulations it is not
acceptable to work for other families (babysitting) or accept other additional paid work, such as work at a
local gym, shop or as a language tutor.

Your host family has agreed to specific costs associated with hosting you as an au pair. Please respect these
limits, and do not ask your host family to borrow money from them (unless it is an emergency). Likewise,
your host family will not ask you to loan them funds.

Sending Money Home

Every year participants on our programs work hard, save as much money as possible and then wonder how
they can get it home safely. We urge you never to carry around large amounts of cash. We want to make sure
that you hold on to your hard-earned savings.

If you have a bank account in your home country, you should be able to transfer money to it fairly easily. The
transfer will incur some fees as well as currency conversion charges. Please check with your German bank
and your bank in your home country how much they will charge.

 On a side note but just as important: Close your bank account at the end of your stay in Germany
in order to avoid potential trouble when returning to Germany on a visit!

Taxes

In many countries au pairs have to pay taxes on their au pair stipend. This is not the case in Germany. You
do not have to pay taxes or any other social contributions as au pairs don’t fall under German work law.

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7.11. Travelling

A. Traveling within Germany

You should do your travels in Germany during your au pair stay as you need to leave Germany when your visa
expires. Depending on the length of your stay you have up to four weeks of paid vacation time.

For general information to help plan your travels, these websites could be useful:

The national train service is “Deutsche Bahn” (www.bahn.de). While trains are not a cheap way of travel,
they are often the fastest option. Check the Bahn’s website for special prices for travelling on weekends or
through Europe

Bus service is a very cost-effective travel option. There are different major bus lines that offer cheap tickets
for travelling through Germany. Check out bus lines like: www.flixbus.de or www.postbus.de or www.berlin-
linienbus.de

And sometimes the fastest and even cheapest option to travel through Germany (and especially Europe) can
be done through using low-cost airlines like www.easyjet.com or www.ryanair.com

The cheapest accommodations you can find are the youth hostels in Germany www.jugendherberge.de/en
and www.aohostels.com/en

If you have obtained an international student card through Ayusa, then check out the ISIC website for special
travel deals, too www.isic.de/home-en

B. Traveling Outside Germany

If you would like to travel outside Germany during your au pair stay, check whether your visa is valid for
travelling within the Schengen area. For a list of the Schengen states have a look on this website:
http://www.schengenvisainfo.com/schengen-visa-countries-list/.

The United Kingdom is a place where au pairs often travel to. It is not a member of the Schengen area.
Whether you need a visitor visa or not to enter the UK, you can find out by using this website:
https://www.gov.uk/check-uk-visa. If you do, follow the procedure explained on there.

 Wherever you plan to travel to during your au pair stay, be sure to contact the local Embassy of this
particular country to enquire about visitor visa rules as well as the local German immigration office
to enquire about the possible need for special travel permits.

You are responsible for requesting and securing any necessary visas. Be aware that this can be a
lengthy process, so apply for any visas as early as possible. Ayusa does not participate in this process.

Before you travel, make a photocopy of all important travel documents (passport, au pair visa, travel permits,
etc.) and keep them safely stored with you in case you happen to lose any of them. This will make it easier
to obtain replacements if needed.

 And don’t forget to notify your host family, your family back home as well as your local Ayusa repre-
sentative shortly before your travels about your travel plans (dates and location and how you can be
reached best).

The sole purpose hereby is to know how to get in touch with you in case of an emergency.

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 C. General travel advice

When travelling, either within Germany or abroad be sure to avoid using & doing the following:

1. Hitchhiking

When you travel, remember that hitchhiking is not only illegal, but it is very dangerous.

Public transportation infrastructure is very well-developed all-over Germany and in most of Europe.

Germany, for example, has a variety of buses, under-/over ground trains, street cars, overland buses
or trains that are all safe to use. And if all fails, you can always call a taxi. There is no need to put
yourself at risk by asking for or accepting rides from strangers.

And last but not least, always carry the telephone number of someone you can contact in case you
find yourself without transportation against all odds.

2. Couch Surfing

While this is a very popular method among young adults of saving on accommodation fees, it is not
the safest option to use. It has happened in the past that an au pair travelled to a neighboring country
(whereby this country is allegedly safe to travel to) just barely got out of a dangerous situation before
harm was done. Do not accept couch surfing offers from males, always check the reviews and how
often (and when for the last time) a certain couch surfing place was used. Understand that Ayusa
does not recommend using couch surfing at all! Use good quality hostels with good reviews instead.

D. Question about travelling:

My passport including my au pair visa is lost (or was stolen). How do I replace it?

First, contact your local police station in Germany to report about it. Please note that translators are not
always at hand (especially in smaller towns), thus it would be advisable to take along a German native
speaker.

Second, contact the local Embassy or consulate for your country of citizenship for information on how to
replace a lost or stolen passport. A list of embassies/consulates in Germany can be found at http://em-
bassy.goabroad.com/embassies-in/germany.

Third, report your missing au pair visa at your local immigration office and follow their directions.

 If you have made copies of your passport and visa, as advised by Ayusa, please show those to the
respective authorities to help speed up the replacement process. You will need to bring along proof
of identity, too (i.e. birth certificate, etc.)

Can my friends, family or boyfriend visit me and can we travel around Germany and in Europe?

 Yes, people can visit you in Germany. However please don't expect your host family to accommodate
your guests! They are not obliged to do it.
Be respectful and thankful if your host family does invite anyone to stay in their home. Be sure your
guests are polite and keep their personal belongings in your room if they do stay at your host family
home. Your guest should also not interfere with your work duties during their stay at your host family’s
place.

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Can I travel back home to visit my family from my home country?

 Yes, but you must have a valid visa in order to reenter Germany. You are responsible for paying for all
expenses to visit home. You will not be able to re-enter Germany if your visa is not valid as of your re-
entry date.

8. Placement termination & Rematch

The decision to request a rematch should not be made lightly.

 Critical issues often need time to resolve!

Ayusa therefore asks you and your host family to both actively work on resolving the problem for at least
1-2 months before making the decision to terminate this match.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, some au pair matches are not successful and are terminated before it’s time.
Ayusa will work closely with both parties to resolve the match as smoothly and efficiently as possible.

As the time of transition can be challenging for au pairs and families likewise, Ayusa asks both parties to
remain as professional, cooperative and “civil” as possible and to follow the guidelines listed below.

8.1.1. Ayusa Policies and Guidelines for match terminations

Naturally, you should first try to sort out the problem with your host family.

If the problem cannot be resolved (with and without your local Ayusa Representative acting as a mediator)
and one of the parties (you or your host family) wants to go ahead with the match break up, then these are
the steps to follow:

1) Inform Ayusa about the decision. Naturally, the other involved party should have been informed
first! The Ayusa head office in Berlin needs to receive the letter of match termination in writing!
This can either be done by email –with the other party in cc – or by mail with the signature of both
parties on the termination letter.

2) Both sides: In the rare case, Ayusa was not previously involved; we need to hear the reasons for the
match break up from both parties, either in person or in writing. The respective Ayusa representative
will get in touch with both parties about it.

3) Termination period: From the time Ayusa has received the written termination, a two-week termi-
nation period will commence. Only if you and your host family mutually agree to terminate the con-
tract immediately, may the two-week period be waived.

If the termination of the match was due to gross misconduct, abuse, theft or neglect of the children,
the match will end with immediate effect. Ayusa determines whether the concerned party will be
dismissed from the program altogether.

4) Duties & Rights: During the two-week termination period, you will remain in the house of the host
family and carry out your childcare and household duties as normal and will in return receive your
stipend, insurance, room and board from your host family.
If your host family requests you to leave their home before the end of the two-week termination
period, Ayusa asks the family to pay towards your room & board (hostel & food) during this time.

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5) Settling of financial matters: during the two-week termination period all outstanding payments to
either party should be settled.

In terms of your host family this means the au pair stipend, the insurance and the public transporta-
tion card.

In terms of the au pair, this means returning:

 the family’s mobile phone (if lend to the au pair)
 the key to the family’s home
 the public transportation pass to the family (at the end of the two weeks)
as well as the:

 payment of all outstanding phone and other bills

 cancellation of all memberships (i.e. gym)
 cancellation of language class
 cancellation of bank account

6) “Abmeldung / Ummeldung”: Depending on whether you want to leave to return home (A) or rematch
with another host family (B), you need to fill out a respective form at the local citizen registration
office (called “Bürgeramt” or “Einwohnermeldeamt”) to get the “Abmeldung” (A; de-registration
when leaving the country) or “Ummeldung” (B; transfer address registration to another family / city
and only after the rematch) done.
Note: either one action must be carried out. It’s German law!

7) Au pair visa: an au pair visa is always only valid for one particular host family. If a match break up
occurs, the visa becomes invalid, once the local immigration office has been informed about the
match break up.
Even though the visa for this particular family is no longer valid, it can be applied for again once a
rematch has taken place and if the rematch was done within a certain time frame!

If towards the end of the two-week termination period no new match was secured, you will need to
call the local immigration office to enquire how much “grace period” will be granted to find a new
host family as this regulation differs with each immigration office.

Once a new match has been secured, all visa documents will need to be completed again with the
new host family’s details.
Also, the new visa is valid when your rematch starts, and expires on the same date stated on your
“original” visa when it was issued. (The new visa only uses the remaining time until the visa expires.)

8) Insurance: the au pair insurance will be cancelled by your host family after the two-week termination
period. It is the law in Germany to have a valid insurance. Without insurance, you will have to carry
any costs that might occur which can get very costly!
Therefore, you should either seek an agreement with the family to take over the costs of the current
insurance until a new match has been secured or take out a new insurance for the time of transition.
In this case, Ayusa would provide information about how to take out a temporary insurance.

With the start of the new match, the new family will cover the costs of the au pair insurance.

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 9) Return flight: once the original match falls through, the au pair is responsible for the airfare home.
A host family is only required to take over the costs if you stay the full 12 months with them.

10) Saying goodbye: Regardless of why the match fell through and whether you stay in Germany or
return home, it is of the utmost importance that the host children do not suffer from this decision.
Children often take match break ups to heart; thus, you should say goodbye properly to the children
to help them get over the sudden departure.

8.1.2. Re-matching with a new host family

Before the start of a rematch process, Ayusa will carefully re-evaluate your childcare skills, judgment and
commitment to the program before determining whether you are eligible to rematch. Au pairs with limited
childcare skills, no German skills, no driver’s license and smokers may be more difficult to rematch. Further-
more, your conduct during the transition period will help to determine whether Ayusa can provide a new host
family for you.

Although, Ayusa will always do its very best to find you a replacement family, we cannot guarantee such an
outcome! Ayusa will assist you in the re-matching process for up to two-weeks by circulating your application
to prospective host families.

Below are some specific guidelines for au pairs looking to rematch:

1) Ayusa requires a written statement from you, the au pair:

 why you think that you are a good au pair;
 what, in reflection, you have learned from the previous match
 why you would like to rematch with another family
 and what you aim to do better this next match
Host families and au pairs usually both contribute to the success or the break-up of a match. Still,
host families, looking through the application of a “rematch au pair” often enquire about the reasons
for the match break up and why the au pair would like to try again with a new host family.

They are sometimes concerned that the problems that have occurred with the last family might occur
with their family, too. They want to be sure the au pair continues au pairing for the right reasons.

Ayusa will use your statement to answer the questions from these interested host families.

2) Ayusa does not guarantee au pairs a replacement in a specific location!

An au pair’s application will be circulated nationwide and we ask our au pairs to be as open-minded
as possible about it.

3) Stay in touch: Au pairs in the process of re-matching should stay in regular contact with the Ayusa
staff (office and field staff) and return calls and emails promptly during the time of placement
change. The same applies for the communication with a new host family.

4) No vacations: Au pairs should not plan extended trips or vacations during the re-matching process
but be easily available for potential host families to get in touch with them. (Be sure to provide the
Ayusa head office with your German mobile phone details to pass on to host families.)

5) Ask questions: Au pairs are encouraged to ask appropriate questions to families in order to clarify
any concerns/issues before the new match is made.

6) Other limitations: Au pairs with limited childcare skills, limited language skills, non-drivers,
smokers and au pairs with specific requests (location, number& age of children) will be more

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 difficult to re-match. Ayusa may circulate these applications to a limited number of host families
only.

Should Ayusa be unable to find you a replacement family within the two-week time frame and the
immigration office has not permitted a further grace period to settle a new au pair match, you will
be required to leave Germany at your own expense.

8.1.3. Program dismissal

If Ayusa determines that an au pair is no longer qualified for participation in the program, or Ayusa is unable
to find a suitable replacement family within a two-week period of a match break:

 The au pair will be required to leave Germany immediately, according to the decision of the
immigration office; at his/her own expenses and after having taken care of all necessary admin-
istrative tasks (see match break up points)
 The host family will end its sponsorship of the au pair’s visa and cancel the au pair insurance

9. Returning Home
When the time comes to leave your host family, it most likely will be an emotional good bye. You should try
to reassure the children, explain that you will write and send pictures, and that you will remain in touch with
them.

Remember all the wonderful memories that you made during your time in Germany and remind the children
of all the fun you had together. Saying good bye will undoubtedly be difficult.

Focus on the positive and remain in touch with your host family and the children once you return home.

 A word of advice: It may be that your host family invites a new au pair to their home once your stay
is over. If this is the case, then it may happen that the arrival of the “new” au pair overlaps with
your departure by a few days. Your host family would like you to use those few days to show the new
au pair the ropes of the au pair job in their family: morning routine, drop of and pick up “procedure”
of the kids at / from kindergarten, school or activities, preparing snacks for the kids, to talk about
likes and dislikes of the kids, to show the way to pediatrician, playground, language school, super-
market, post office, etc.

Sometimes the “old” au pair finds it difficult to let go of their kids and to give the new au pair and
the host children enough room to get to know each other slowly. While those feelings are totally
understandable and nobody is denying that this is a tough time for you, too, please try to put yourself
in the place of the new au pair.

Most likely she will find it hard enough to “step in your shoes”, remember all the new rules, proce-
dures and to dos and win the host children’s heart without the old au pair giving her a hard time.
Plus, the children will feel the tension and thus get unsure about whether they can trust the new au
pair or not. It’s often hard to be the new one, so please be considerate of her feelings and those of
the children, too.

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Travelling after your au pair stay

Once your au pair visa has expired, you can no longer travel within Germany but must leave the country
instead. As your visa is most likely valid for travelling within the whole Schengen area (be sure to check on
your visa whether this is the case), you will need to leave the Schengen area after your au pair stay, too!

 Do not assume that you can simply “add another 90 days” after your stay because you “had not used
up this allowance when you first entered Germany to become an au pair”. It does not work like that!
Your au pair visa overrules this option. You have to leave Germany at least for 90 days, before you
are allowed to re-enter the country.

You can, however, contact your local immigration office well in advance before your actual au pair visa
expires to advise them of your travel plans after your stay finishes and present them with a return flight
ticket as proof as well as a means of support during your travels (i.e. account with sufficient funds in it). Ask
them whether it is possible for them to issue you a so called ‘Fiktionsbescheinigung’ which would allow you
to do some travelling in the Schengen area for a certain period of time even though your au pair visa will
have finished by then.

For accurate information check with the Embassy of the country you wish to travel to. For a list of the
Schengen states (and those who are not members) have a look on this website: http://www.schengenvisa-
info.com/schengen-visa-countries-list/.

Travel Home

Once your visa expires you need to leave Germany. Au pair visas are only valid for a minimum 6 and a
maximum of 12 months. Once issued, it cannot be changed anymore, even if not all of the 12 months were
used up for this particular stay.

 If you have committed to a stay with the same host family for 12 months, your host family will take
over the costs for your return flight to your home country. You should start discussing this topic with
them around two months before the program ends, to ensure that flights can still be bought at a
reasonable price.

 If you would like to travel for a bit before returning home, your host family has the option to pay you
the equivalent of the return travel costs to your home country instead, thus giving you the flexibility
to book your own return fare home after your travels.

 If you have committed to a stay of less than 12 months or have changed host families during your
stay in Germany, you are responsible for booking your own flight home. Check different websites like
i.e. www.cheapflights.com or www.skyscanner.net or www.expedia.com for reasonably priced
flights home

 Once the flight has been booked, remember to reconfirm your flight with the airline 24hrs before
your departure.

 Be sure your baggage weight is in compliance with the airline’s regulations, and arrive at the airport
at least two to three hours before your departure time.

Readjusting to life back in your home country

Returning home can be just as exciting as it was to arrive in Germany! You will get to see your friends and
family after your time away and share your experiences with them.

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It will be a happy time, but be prepared for “reverse culture shock.” Sometimes people, who have lived
abroad, find their adjustment to returning home more difficult than their adjustment to a foreign culture.
You know your home country, but you may not realize how much you have changed while being away.

While living in a new culture in Germany, your perceptions, habits, and maybe even values have changed.
This is a common occurrence, and the best way of addressing it is simply to be aware of the source of your
negative feelings. In time, you will be able to incorporate an appreciation for the positive aspects of both
cultures.

Once you settle in back home, take time to send a postcard, email or phone your host family. They are
undoubtedly missing you, and would love to hear how you are doing.

Staying in Germany after your au pair visa expired

Your au pair visa allows you to stay in Germany for a minimum of 6 months to a maximum of 12 months. If
you would like to stay in Germany after your au pair program has finished, then you need to apply for a new
visa.

There are different types of visas available: a language visa (whereby primary reason for your stay is to study
the German language more intensively) and study permits (to study at a German university). You need at
least C1 skills in German to succeed), freelance visa (whereby you work self-employed), internship or working
holiday permits (only possible to apply for by Canadian, Australian or New Zealand passport holders). Although
requirements differ for these different types of permit, they all have in common that proof is required that
you can financially support yourself during your stay and that you have taken out an insurance, too.

There are also special work permits that can be applied for as long as you find a company that is willing to
sponsor the visa for you and as long as you can prove that no German citizen could have done this job instead
of you. Best chance of success is to find work at a bilingual, International or English school or kindergarten
as an English teacher or assistant.

Expatriates websites like, i.e. Toytown Germany www.toytowngermany.com are a good place to get started
with your research. However, for accurate information please contact your local immigration office in
Germany. Please understand that Ayusa will not be involved in this process.

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10. Appendix
1. au pair & host family 12-month contract – English & Spanish Translations of the German original (the
only difference to the 6-month contract is that in the latter the flights are not included)

2. leaflet regarding file sharing websites & its illegality in Germany

3. leaflet regarding data protection

4. leaflet regarding learning German with Proaupairs24.com

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10.1. Host family & Au pair Contract – Translation only!

The contract about the employment of an au pair with a German family has been signed between:

 Mr. & Mrs. _______________________________________

 Zip and City _______________________________________
 Street _______________________________________

hereinafter referred to as „host“, and

 Ms. _______________________________________
 Birthday _______________________________________
 City of Birth _______________________________________
 Citizenship _______________________________________
 Zip and City _______________________________________
 Street _______________________________________

hereinafter referred to as „au pair“.

I. General Conditions
The Host Family provides accommodation for a period of 12 months in accordance with the stipulations set
forth in this contract. During this period, the au pair will be given the opportunity to improve, above all,
his/her proficiency in the foreign language as well as to broaden his/her general education by acquiring
more knowledge of the host country.
The contract comes into effect on ________

II. Responsibilities of the host

II.1 The host commits himself to welcoming and accommodating the au pair in the family and to let him/her
participate in the daily family life; the host therefore makes the following statement of which the au pair
takes cognizance:

 The host family consists of

__ adults
__ girl(s),born ____( year)
__ boy(s), born ____ (year)

 Distance to an educational institution offering appropriate German courses: ___ km

 Occupation host father: _____________________ Occupation host mother:

____________________

II.2 The host provides a room for the au pair in the family residence as well as full board for free. The au
pair participates in family meals and receives the same food as the family, as long as nothing else has been
agreed on.

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II.3 In addition, the host shall pay the au pair a monthly stipend of 280 Euro and an additional 90 Euro per
month for educational purposes, language classes or other activities. This means that the host family pays
a total amount of 370 Euro each month to the au pair during his or her stay, regardless of whether the au
pair is attending a language course or not. The monthly ticket for local public transportation is not included
in the 370 Euro, but has to be paid additionally by the host family to the au pair unless agreed different in
IV.2.

II.4 The working hours of the au pair are regulated in such a way that they allow the au pair to improve
his/her proficiency in the German language by participating in courses and broaden his/her general edu-
cation by attending events and excursions. Furthermore, the au pair receives unlimited opportunity to
practice his/her religion.

II.5 The au pair is entitled to at least one and a half free days and a minimum of four free evenings per
week. Once a month the au pair is entitled to have one entire weekend off, this includes the regular one
and a half days off per week. Bank holidays are principally free. The working time per week is not more
than 30 hours in total, including babysitting in the evenings. The supervision of sleeping children also
counts as working time of the au pair until either the parents have come back home or until the au pair
goes to bed herself.

II.6 The host takes out a private insurance for the au pair in case of illness, pregnancy and birth as well as
in case of an accident. The insurance coverage will be paid in full by the host family.

II.7 In case of illness of the au pair, the host guarantees free room and board as well as the corresponding
care until the necessary provisions have been made.

II.8 The au pair receives a paid vacation time of two working days for each completed month of work. This
means that the au pair has 2 weeks of vacation during a 6 month stay and 4 weeks of vacation during a 12-
month-stay. The monthly stipend continues to be paid during vacation time. The host family and the au
pair inform each other of their planned vacation with sufficient time for the other party to make arrange-
ments.

Participation in the family vacation counts as vacation time for the au pair if only non-essential tasks are
taken out and the au pair is not obligated to be present at certain times.

III. Responsibilities of the au pair

III.1 The au pair agrees to work a maximum of six hours per day, maximum 30 hours a week (including
babysitting at night). During her on duty times the au pair agrees to take care of the children and to do
some light housework (for instance, but not exclusively fixing meals for the children, washing and ironing
clothes of the children, tidying up the children´s room, and other tasks such as to vacuum, to fill and
empty the dishwasher, etc.).

The part of household duties must not exceed 50% of the overall working time. The main focus is on child-
care.

The care taking of the host families’ pets as well as gardening are actually no au pair tasks in the sense of
the visa regulations. Therefore, the au pair cannot be solely responsible for them, but rather all of the
family members.

Private matters such as cleaning and tiding up his/her own room is not considered as household working
time. Taking part in family activities and family meals (incl. preparation time before and cleaning up time
afterwards) are also not considered as working time.

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III.2 The au pair agrees to obtain sufficient German knowledge (at least A1 Level) prior to the visa appli-
cation. Furthermore, s/he acknowledges that the host family pays a monthly amount of 90€ for educational
purposes which are primarily, but not exclusively, meant to attend a German language course during the
stay . The au pair understands that the participation of a language course during the au pair stay is a visa
requirement which must be carried out by the au pair.

III.3 The au pair informs the host family as early as possible about its vacation request and does not book
the vacation before the host family has given its consent.

III.4 The au pair agrees to fulfill all necessary obligations in order to enable the host to observe his com-
mitments in accordance with item II of this contract.

III.5 The au pair agrees to present the medical certificate immediately upon arrival to Germany, which is
required by article 5 of the European agreement on au pair placement, if requested by the host family.
This medical information has been provided already with the application of the au pair.

IV. Miscellaneous

IV.1 The contract can be terminated by each of the contracting parties with a two-week advanced no-
tice.
One party can terminate this contract with immediate effect in case of a serious misconduct by the
other party. Both parties can also terminate the contract with immediate effect in case serious circum-
stances require such immediate act.
Ayusa International as well as the other party need to receive the termination in writing for it to be
official.

In case of an earlier contract termination, the two-week termination period has to be maintained, as
long as there is no severe cause that would justify an immediate termination. The au pair promises to
fulfil his or her duties in accordance with item III of the contract within this time period. In turn, the
host family promises to fulfil its duties in accordance with item II.

All outstanding payments to the other party must be settled at the end of the termination period.

In case that the match gets terminated, Ayusa decides over a rematch with a new host family of the au
pair. The au pair agrees to cooperate with Ayusa during the entire re-matching process. In the event
that Ayusa is unable to place the au pair in a new host family within a period of 14 days, the au pair
must return home due to visa regulations and at his or her own expense.

IV.2 Furthermore, the two parties agree to the following:

- The host family covers the costs which occur for registering the au pair at the local registration office
and for the visa application (immigration office). The au pair covers the costs for the biometrical photo
needed for the visa application.

- The host family either provides a monthly ticket for public transportation in the area or allows the au
pair to use the family’s car in her/his free time (in this case the au pair is responsible for paying its own
gas).

Host family and au pair accept that in case of a damage caused by the au pair, the au pair may only pay
an insurance excess (contribution) of maximum 300€ for damages caused to the car of the host family

112
 or a maximum of 250€ for damages caused to the movable property of the family. This particular agree-
ment becomes void if the host family has taken out additional third party liability insurance, excluding
a payment of insurance excess.

Flight costs:
- The family pays for the round-trip airfare to/from Germany for a 12 month commitment with the same
family.

 In the 6 – 12 months contract it states that the au pair is responsible for her own
airfare expenses to and from Germany.

- In case of an early contract termination by the host family or the au pair, the au pair will be responsible
for paying her/his own flight home, regardless of whether the au pair has re-matched with another
family.
- If the au pair decides to terminate the match within the first 2 months, he or she has to repay a part
of the outbound flight to Germany, if requested by the host family.

The maximum amount of repayment is 200€. The au pair is furthermore responsible for his or her own
return travel expenses.
I hereby confirm, that I have read the entire contract thoroughly and that I have received the possibility
to ask questions about the meaning. I have understood everything; I accept the contract conditions and
will stick to the contractually defined regulations.

When signing the German contract please also include date and place. Thank you.

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Contrato de la Familia Anfitriona y Au Pair - Traducción Únicamente

Este contrato trata sobre la contratación de una au pair firmado entre:

 El Señor y Señora __________________________

 Código Postal y Ciudad __________________________
 Calle __________________________

De aquí en adelante se les referirá como “familia anfitriona” y

 Señorita ________________________
 Fecha de Nacimiento ________________________
 Lugar de Nacimiento ________________________
 Ciudadanía ________________________
 Código Postal y Ciudad ________________________
 Calle ________________________

De aquí en adelante se les referirá como “au pair.”

l. Condiciones Generales
La familia anfitriona provee de acomodación por un periodo de 12 meses de acuerdo al con las estipulación
marcadas en este contrato. Durante este periodo, a la au pair se le dará la oportunidad de mejorar, sobre
todo, sus habilidades de lenguaje, así como incrementar su conocimiento y educación general sobre el país
anfitrión.

El contrato inicia en efecto en__________.

ll. Las responsabilidades de la familia anfitriona

ll.1 La familia anfitriona se compromete a dar la bienvenida y acomodar a la au pair dentro de su familia y
dejara (o) participar en las actividades diarias de la misma. Por lo tanto la familia anfitriona hace del
conocimiento de la au pair que:

 La familia anfitriona consiste en

___ adultos
___ Niña (s), nacidas ___ (año)
___ Niño (s), nacidos ___ (año)

 La distancia de una institución educativa donde se ofrecen cursos apropiados de alemán, se encuentra
a: _____ km

 Oficio del padre anfitrión: _______________ Oficio de la madre anfitriona:________________

ll.2 La familia anfitriona proveerá de una habitación para la au pair en la residencia de la familia así como
pensión completa gratis. La au pair participará con la familia durante las comidas, compartiendo las mismas,
a menos que algo más se haya hablado entre ambas partes.

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ll.3 Además, la familia anfitriona dará a la au pair un pago mensual de 280 Euros más un adicional de 90 Euros
por mes para sus estudios, clases del idioma u otra actividad. Esto significa que la familia anfitriona paga un
total de 370 Euros cada mes a la au pair durante su estadía, independientemente si la au pair asiste a cursos
de lenguaje o no. El ticket mensual del transporte público no está incluido en los 370 Euros, pero debe de
ser pagado adicionalmente a la au pair por la familia anfitriona a menos que algo más se haya acordado en
IV.2
ll.4 Las horas de trabajo de la au pair son reguladas de tal manera que le permiten mejorar su nivel del
idioma alemán al participar en los cursos y permite el incremento del conocimiento general al atender a
eventos y excursiones. Además, la au pair puede practicar su religión sin ningún límite.
II.5 La au pair al menos que tomar un día y medio libre y mínimo 4 tardes libres por semana. Una vez al
mes las au pair tienen que tomar un fin de semana completo libre, esto incluye el día y medio que se
tienen que tomar libre por semana. El tiempo de trabajo por semana debe de ser de 30 horas en total,
incluyendo el cuidado de niños por la tarde. También la supervisión de los niños mientras duermen cuenta
como tiempo laboral de la au pair hasta que los padres vuelvan a casa o hasta que la au pair se duerma.
Los/las au-pairs no tienen que trabajar durante los días feriados en Alemania.
II.6 La familia anfitriona tendrá un seguro privado para la au pair en caso de enfermedad, embarazo y
trabajo de parto, así como en caso de algún accidente. La familia anfitriona pagara completamente por la
cobertura del seguro.
II.7 En caso de que la au pair enferme, la familia anfitriona le garantiza su acomodación de cuarto y así
como proporcionar el cuidado necesario hasta que todo se encuentre establecido

II.8 La au pair recibe tiempo de vacaciones pagadas de dos días de trabajo por cada mes que complete. Esto
significa que la au pair tiene 2 semanas de vacaciones durante su estadía de 6 meses y 4 semanas de
vacaciones durante su estadía de 12 meses. El sueldo se continúa pagando mensualmente durante las
vacaciones. La familia anfitriona y la au pair deben de informarse mutuamente sobre el plan de sus
vacaciones futuras con anticipación, para que cada quien pueda hacer sus planes.
Formar parte de las vacaciones de la familia anfitriona cuenta como tiempo de vacaciones de la au pair
únicamente si se solicitan tareas no esenciales y si la au pair no está obligada a estar todo el tiempo presente.

III. Responsabilidades de au pair

III.1 La au pair está de acuerdo trabajando un máximo de 6 horas por día, y un máximo de 30 horas a la
semana (incluyendo el cuidado de niños por la noche.) Durante sus horas de trabajo la au pair está de acuerdo
en cuidar a los niños y en hacer un poco de trabajo en la casa (Por ejemplo, pero no exclusivamente
haciéndoles de comer a los niños, lavando y planchando ropa de los niños, recogiendo el cuarto de los niños,
y otras tareas como aspirar, llenar y vaciar el lavavajillas, etc.)
La parte de trabajo de tareas de casa no debe de exceder el 50% del total de trabajo. El enfoque principal
es el cuidado de los niños.
El cuidado de las mascotas de la familia anfitriona así como jardinería no son tareas de au pair en el sentido
de las regulaciones de la visa. Por lo tanto la au pair no puede encargarse solamente de ellos, esto es
preferiblemente exclusivo de los miembros de la familia.
Asuntos privados, así como limpiar y recoger su cuarto no cuenta como tiempo de trabajo de la casa. Tomar
parte de actividades y comidas de la familia (incluyendo tiempo de preparación y tiempo de limpieza después
del evento) tampoco se consideran horas de trabajo.
III.2 La au pair está de acuerdo con obtener suficiente conocimiento de alemán (al menos nivel A1) antes de
aplicación para visa. Además debe reconocer que la familia anfitriona paga un monto anual de 90 euros para
fines educativos, que son principalmente, pero no exclusivamente, para asistir a un curso de alemán durante
su estadía. La au pair entiende que formar parte de un curso del idioma es un requerimiento de la visa que
tiene que ser llevado a cabo por la au pair.
III.3 Las au pair tienen que informar a la familia sobre su solicitud de vacaciones con anticipación y no hacer
reservaciones hasta que la familia anfitriona haya dado su aprobación.
III.4 La au pair accede a cumplir todas las obligaciones necesarias para que le permita a la familia anfitriona
observar sus compromisos de acuerdo con el apartado II de este contrato.

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III. 5 La au pair está de acuerdo en presentar un certificado médico inmediatamente después de su llegada
a Alemania, que es requerido por el artículo 5 del acuerdo Europeo en la oficina de Au pair, si es requerido
por la familia anfitriona. Esta información médica ya ha sido proveída previamente en la aplicación de la au
pair.

V. Notas Extras
IV.1 El contrato tiene que ser terminado por ambas partes con 2 semanas en adelanto. Solo uno de los
partícipes puede terminar este contrato con efecto inmediato en caso de mal comportamiento de parte del
otro participe. Ambos participes también pueden terminar este contrato con efecto inmediato en caso de
circunstancias serias que requieran acciones inmediatas.
Ayusa internacional necesita recibir la terminación así como el otro participe por escrito para que sea oficial.
En caso de la terminación temprana del contrato, el periodo de 2 semanas de la terminación se tiene que
mantener, a menos que no haya una causa severa que justifique una terminación inmediata. La au pair
promete cumplir con todas sus tareas, de acuerdo con el apartado III del contrato durante este periodo. En
cambio la familia anfitriona promete cumplir todas sus tareas de acuerdo con el apartado II.
Todos los pagos no resueltos al otro participe tiene que ser acordado al terminar el periodo.
En caso de que el encuentro termine, Ayusa decide sobre el próximo encuentro con la nueva familia anfitriona
de la au pair. La au pair está de acuerdo en cooperar con Ayusa durante todo el proceso del recolocación.
En el caso que Ayusa no sea autorizada en acomodar a la au pair en una nueva familia anfitriona en un
periodo de 14 días, la au pair deberá regresar a su hogar según las regulaciones de la visa y esto será un
gasto que debe de absorber la au pair

IV. 2 Además, los dos participes deben de acordar lo siguiente:

- La familia anfitriona cubrirá los gastos del registración de la au pair en la oficina de registración y por la
aplicación de la visa (oficina de inmigración). La au pair tiene que cubrir los costos por la foto biométrica
que se necesita para la aplicación de la visa.
- Ya sea que la familia anfitriona proporcione un boleto al mes para el transporte público en el área o
permita que la au pair utilice el auto de la familia en su tiempo libre (en este caso la au pair es responsable
de pagar su propia gasolina).
- La familia anfitriona y au pair aceptan que en caso de daño causado por la au pair , la au pair puede solo
pagar lo que exceda el seguro (contribución) máximo de 300 euros por los daños causados al auto de la familia
o un máximo de 250 euros por los daños causados a la propiedad de la familia. Este acuerdo se vuelve nulo
si la familia anfitriona obtienen un tercer participe en la deuda del seguro, excluyendo un pago del seguro
excedente.

Costos de Vuelo
- La familia paga el vuelo redondo de a/de Alemania por 12 meses de compromiso con la misma familia.
- En caso de una terminación temprana del contrato por la familia anfitriona de la au pair, la au pair será
responsable de pagar su propio vuelo de regreso a casa. Independientemente que la au pair haya sido
reubicada con otra familia.
- Si la au pair decide terminar el encuentro durante los primeros dos meses, tendrá que pagar parte del vuelo
a Alemania, si lo pide la familia anfitriona.
El máximo monto de rembolso es de 200 euros. La au pair es también responsable por los gastos de su viaje
de regreso a casa aun cuando tenga una nueva familia anfitriona

Por la presente confirmo, que he leído el contrato entero y he recibido la posibilidad de hacer preguntas
acerca del significado. He entendido todo; Acepto las condiciones del contrato y me apegare a las
regulaciones definidas.

Cuando firme el contrato Alemán por favor incluya la fecha y el lugar. Gracias.

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Dear au pair,

As you will be staying with your host family for an extended period of time and will most likely be using their
wireless Lan at home, the following is an important topic that should be discussed between you and your host
family.

In case you do not actually know about file sharing websites yourself, here is a brief explanation of it:

“File sharing is the practice of distributing or providing access to digitally stored information, such as computer
programs, multimedia (audio, images and video), documents or electronic books. It may be implemented through a
variety of ways. Common methods of storage, transmission and dispersion include manual sharing utilizing removable
media, centralized servers on computer networks, World Wide Web-based hyperlinked documents, and the use of
distributed peer-to-peer networking. (…)

Users can use software that connects in to a peer-to-peer network to search for shared files on the computers of other
users connected to the network. Files of interest can then be downloaded directly from other users on the network.
Typically, large files are broken down into smaller chunks, which may be obtained from multiple peers and then
reassembled by the downloader. This is done while the peer is simultaneously uploading the chunks it already has to
other peers.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File_sharing

File sharing websites like BitTorrent, Vuze, Shareaza, BitComet, Gnutella, etc. are being used quite frequently
also in Germany.
However, against common belief, using file sharing websites in Germany is actually against the law!!
The problem is that uploading & downloading music and films in Germany is a copyright infringement, which
will really be persecuted! Lawyers who specialize in copyright infringements are quite nifty in finding out the
IP addresses that were used for up/downloading something on those websites and will avenge the
infringement with hefty fines!!

As we have had a few cases in the past where host families received such penalty demands, we want to alert
new host families & au pairs to this topic and also ensure that au pairs understand that using file sharing
websites in Germany is illegal and will be punished!

Enclosed you will find a model of a contract about Internet usage & use of file sharing websites. Please note,
we have only found this model of a contract on the internet ourselves. Therefore, we cannot be legally held
responsible about the contents or wording of the contract.
We strongly advise to contact a lawyer about this topic in case of further questions.

Thank you for your understanding.

Your Ayusa Team

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 10.2. Terms of Use of Internet access
ENGLISH TRANSLATION ONLY – solely the German version is binding and must be signed

I,___________________________________________________________________________
(full name and full home address of the participant)

am living for the duration of my stay from ________________ to __________________

with the following host family:

___________________________________________________________________________
(full name and address of the host family)

The host family (= HF) provides the participant with Internet access free of charge for the duration of the
participants’ stay. The following terms and conditions apply for the usage of the HF’s internet access

1. Purpose of internet usage

The usage of the Internet access of the HF by you is limited induce to criminal actions, exalt or undermine the serious
private use only and is also limited to the duration of your stay nature of violence and websites that can severely endan-
with the HF. If the Internet is secured by a password, it is prohib- ger children or teenagers morally.
ited to share it with a third party. You are responsible for the
demand of services you have used in regard to costs and/ or legal 7. Availability, Suitability and reliability of the internet
transactions. The Internet access of the HF is not to be used for access
mass mailings (spam) and/or any other form of illegitimate adver- The HF does not guarantee the actual availability, suita-
tisement. bility and reliability of the internet access for any pur-
2. Guard your computer with up-to-date antivirus software and pose.
firewall
Install up-to-date antivirus software on your computer and update 8. Limitation of liability
it on a regular basis. Make sure that your computer is free of any The HF does not take any responsibility for possible dam-
virus and any other malware. It is recommended to secure your ages on your technical equipment that is caused by the
computer with a firewall and anti-spy-software and to updateuse it of the internet or their internet access. The HF ex-
on a regular basis. pressly does not take liability for the contents of websites
3. Be careful with and cautious of unknown files and e-mail at- visited by you or files that have been downloaded by your-
tachments self. Furthermore, they do not take liability for any virus
Do not open files from unknown sources or files that you did not or malware your computer has been affected with due to
request. the usage of their internet access.
4. Download/Streaming/copy right
It is explicitly and strictly prohibited to visit any file-sharing-web-
sites, particularly to down-/upload or stream music and movies 9. Liability exemption
with the HFs internet access. The HF is to be released from any third party claims if
The violation of copy right by piracy/copy or any other form their of internet access was used in an illegal way by you,
distribution will result in serious damage claims against you. particularly if you have culpably disregarded the above
5. Protection of minors mentioned terms of usage.
Pay attention to the regulations of youth protection that are rel-
evant for your age. 10. Violation of terms of internet use
6. Do not visit or distribute websites that contain contents Ifofyou violate the terms of use of the internet access or if
criminal nature the HF has the suspicion that you did / do, the HF can
This is especially relevant for websites that contain discrimina- withdraw their permission for you to use their internet ac-
tory, pestering, defamatory, slanderous, threatening, and/ cess or at any time.
child pornographic content as well as websites that
Place, Date and Signature of the participant

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10.3. Data Protection

Information Sheet for Participants in the Au pair Germany Program:

Collection and Processing of Personal Data by Ayusa International
e.V.
To be able to successfully place participants in the au pair program in Germany (hereinafter:
program participants), and to fulfil the participation agreement, we, Ayusa International e.V.
(hereinafter: Ayusa), must collect and process personal data from our program participants. With
this leaflet we would like to inform you of the purposes and scope of the data handling and
processing.

1. Contact for Data Protection Questions

At any time, Ayusa program participants can direct questions regarding this leaflet and the data
handling and processing to datenschutz@ayusa-germany.org.

2. Collection and Processing of Data from program participants

The main purpose for the data collection and processing by Ayusa is the fulfilment of the
participation contract. This means precisely that we or our foreign partner organisation collect
personal data from program participants for the following purposes: Placement with a host family,
organisation of travel to the host country, issuance of insurance and preliminary visa documents if
necessary, support of the program participant locally, or in emergencies.

We will collect the data that we need as part of the application process. Depending on the partner
organization, the application documents will either be made available to the program participant
as an online form, via email, and/or the applicant will set up their own personal and password
protected online access to the application documents. In addition, data will be collected through a
personal, telephone or Skype interview and used for the fulfilment of the participation contract to
the extent necessary.

The application documents are to a large extent in English and German, which is necessary for
placement with a host family and, among other information, also encompass questions concerning
health status, religious belief, ethnic background, sexual orientation and criminal history of the
applicant.

For the host family search, Ayusa publishes certain parts of the application on the internet, e.g.
first name, gender, age, nationality, living situation, eating habits, allergies, hobbies, childcare
experience, references and a profile picture. The participant agrees that Ayusa is permitted to
publish this information. Last names or contact details of either applicant or referees will not be
disclosed.

3. Recipients of Data
Recipients of the data are the partner organisations of Ayusa, host families, Ayusa representatives,
visa and insurance authorities, and if necessary, government authorities in the home country.
Contact data of the participant will also be shared after placement on a regional Ayusa contact list
for other au pairs and tutors to get in touch with the participant and vice versa.
In general, the data is only used for the specific purpose and to the extent required. A recipient
will only receive the data needed to fulfil his or her specific task.

4. Entities Responsible for Data Processing

The entity responsible for the collection and processing of the data is Ayusa. If data is transmitted
to other entities (e.g., partner organisations, government authorities) they are also responsible for
the protection of the data.

5. Retention Periods for Data

Ayusa only retains data concerning the program participant for as long as necessary for
organisational reasons and as permissible under data protection law. Personal data and contract
documents of the program participant are retained based upon statutory retention periods after
the regular conclusion of the au pair program.
 6. Collection and Processing Certain Types of Personal Data
Ayusa must pose certain questions to participants in the au pair program regarding their criminal
record, ethnic background, sexual orientation, as well as health in order to determine whether they
can be placed with a host family. This includes, for example, the submission of a police clearance
record and HIV test as well as the disclosure of information on the participants’ general health
status and pre-existing medical conditions. The health information will be collected through self-
disclosure and medical records signed by qualified physicians. In individual cases participation in
the program may not be possible due to health restrictions. As Ayusa cannot process certain types
of personal data without the consent of the person concerned, the program participant 's consent is
obtained during the application process and as part of the participation contract.

7. Processing Data for Advertising Purposes

We also use data from program participants to inform about other program options with Ayusa.
However, Ayusa, will never forward personal data of program participants to third parties for
advertising purposes. The use of data for advertising purposes can, of course, be objected to at any
time. The contact person for this is the email contact provided in section 1.

8. Right to Information and Right of Objection

At any time, participants can request information about their data being stored with us. This is free
of charge and participants do not need to provide a reason for their request.
They can also have the data that was collected about them by us blocked, corrected or deleted at
any time. Furthermore, program participants may also, at any time, revoke the consent given to us
for the collection and processing of data without providing any reasons. The contact person for this
is the email contact provided in section 1.
We are available to our participants at any time for further questions regarding our information on
data protection and the processing of their personal data.

I hereby confirm that the information I have provided in my application and throughout the
application process are accurate. I have read and understood the country specific framework of
the au pair program in Germany and agree to adhere to these conditions. I have thoroughly and
carefully read the terms and conditions of the contract and the conditions of participation. I
have had the opportunity to ask questions and obtain advice as to its meaning. I have
understood everything and accept the terms and conditions of the au pair program. I am
capable of reading and understanding the above in English. I have retained a copy of this
agreement for my files.

Date and Place: _______________________________________________

Name (type): _______________________________________________
Signature: _______________________________________________

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10.4. Learning and practicing German – during your stay and
beforehand
In order to become an au pair in Germany, each au pair applicant must have sufficient German skills
to be granted an au pair visa. This means you need A1 level skills (also referred to as “elementary
German” or “German 101”) to succeed.

There are different ways to learn Germany.

As you will most likely need to show a certificate as language proof to the Embassy or immigration
office, the most effective way to learn German is by either visiting a local language school
(i.e. community college, adult education center, Goethe institute, etc.) or by attending an online
German language school.
 If you use an online language class provider, be sure that it is one that offers lessons with
real teachers

Proaupairs24
Proaupairs24 (https://www.proaupairs24.com) is an online language class provider that does exactly
that. They offer the following:

 Classes with real teachers, all of whom are native and certified language teachers
 Possibility to book a free trial class
 Flexible course starting times throughout the week
 Possibility to obtain a certificate when a certain language level was achieved (i.e. A1 level)

Best of all: if you sign up for one of their online German classes, using our special promotion code:
Ayusa10, you are eligible for a discount of 25% off their regular course prices!

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