Kerygma Books The World Class Coach by Aldem Salvana Ebook

The World-Class Coach 1
2
Just when you thought you knew enough to lead others…
The
Coach
World-Class
How Leaders Can Unleash

People’s Greatness
Aldem Salvaña, MA
Meta-Coach
Neuro-Semantic Trainer
Meta-NLP Master Trainer
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TESTIMONIALS
“This book is a giant gift to the world. Anyone who wants to be a

successful leader should read it.”
Bo Sanchez
Bestselling author and Catholic lay preacher
“This book is a must-read for both aspiring and seasoned leaders! Add
great coaching skills in your arsenal and you increase your chances of
winning in this game called life.”
Stephen Thomas Misa

Digital Innovation Executive, Voyager Innovations
(Former Country Manager of Cisco)
“I find this book informative and insightful. It offers tools that can provide
a rich and fulfilling coaching experience for clients. If you are a serious
coach or you just want to improve quality of life — yours and those whose
lives you choose to touch — here’s one worth investing in.”
Maricel Laraya
ICF Certified Life-Coach, columnist and writer
“Coaching is a critical leadership competency in the 21st century and this

book by Aldem Salvaña provides leaders with the requisite tools and
skills to bring their teams and organizations to the highest level.”
Blesilda E. Concepcion, MD, MHPEd, MBA

Vice President, Professional Staff Development Office
The Medical City
“Today’s managers who deal with digital natives and X-Z Gen teams
scramble for answers on performance management and succession
planning issues. Aldem proposes Meta-Coaching as one of the effective
and breakthrough interventions. Leaders, be ready for transformation
that will benefit you and your team! From mental maps to practical how-
to’s, Aldem packed them all in this first book!”
Luzviminda Morales,
HR Account Management,
OD and Learning Talent Management
“Successful entrepreneurs do not necessarily make good business

mentors, just as successful sportsmen do not necessarily make the
best coaches. For continuity of business, especially a family business,
coaching the next generation is an absolute necessity. Business schools
and management seminars are not enough to equip the heirs in bringing
their companies to the next level, especially in a very competitive
environment.”
Abraham Pascual
Chairman Emeritus, Pascual Laboratories
“A detailed and concise book on leadership and coaching that is worth

a prominent space on every shelf. This book is packed with examples
with cinematic effects, and filled with action-ready steps to help you on
your way to becoming an even greater leader. The book was a fun read,
especially with Coach Aldem’s wisdom, sense of humor and writing style.”
Michael Lu, ACC, CMC

ICF Associate Certified Coach
“Finally, Aldem’s book on coaching. I’ve had the distinct privilege of

being coached by Aldem whenever we would travel together to client
engagements. Aldem’s platform of Meta-Coaching effectively surfaces
practical steps to bring out excellence in people.”
Romulo S. Romero
CEO and Principal Consultant of OTi Philippines
“This book will help you bring out and enhance your coaching skills
to become an exceptional leader. It’s a great addition to the coaching
literature with very practical applications and examples.”
Ellen Soriano
Director, Southeast Asia Business School (SEABS)
University of Asia and the Pacific
“A great tool that develops bigger leaders and transforms organizations

to reach their potentials. Congratulations, Aldem! It is a pleasure
partnering with you and your team in strengthening our leadership
pipeline!”
Angela Valenzuela
Talent and Acquisition Manager, Petron Corporation
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The World-Class Coach

HOW LEADERS CAN UNLEASH PEOPLE’S GREATNESS
ISBN 978-971-007-134-0
ALDEM SALVAña
Philippine Copyright © 2015 by Aldem Salvaña

Published by Shepherd’s Voice Publications, Inc.
Address requests for information to:

SHEPHERD’S VOICE Publications, inc.
#60 Chicago St., Cubao, Quezon City, Philippines 1109
P.O. Box 1331 Quezon City Central Post Office
1153 Quezon City
Tel. No. (632) 725-9999, 725-1115, 725-1190, 411-7874
Fax. No. (632) 727-5615, 726-9918
E-mail: sales@shepherdsvoice.com.ph
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

except for brief quotations, without the prior permission of the
publisher.
Cover Concept by Aldem Salvaña

Design and Layout by Rey de Guzman
Assistant Layout Artist: Angie Espuerta
Contents at a Glance
By analogy, effective coaching has a sniper’s impact:
one shot, one kill. Not much energy is wasted on
talk, advice, stories, criticism and threats, which
other styles like mentoring, counseling, teaching,
keynoting and managing usually employ.
A. Ready: Preparations C. Aim: Set the Why for

Why Another Book on Coaching
Coaching? What Issues Can Be
l Opening Story Addressed by Coaching?
l Raison d‘Être l Current Leadership
l Some Purposes of This Challenges
Book l Widening Generation Gap
l Backdrop for Coaching: l Low Employee
ASEAN Integration Engagement, High Turnover
l Why Employees Leave
B. Load: Know the Basics l Blocks to Work
Can One Be a Great Leader Performance
Without Coaching? l Beware of the “Cuban
l What’s an Effective 21st Blind-Sided” Managers/
Century Leader? Alpha Bosses
l Rarest Commodity: l Key Question of Succession
Leadership Without Ego l Why Meta-Coaching?
l From Leadership to l The Power of the How:
Coaching A Duplicable System
l Coaching Then and Now l What’s Unique About
l What Is the Coach’s Meta-Coaching?
Expertise? l Benchmarking the
l Which Industry Will Benefit Intangibles
from Coaching? l Synergy of Meaning to
l Coaching vs. Other Helping Performance
Disciplines l Secret to Mastery
6 Contents at a Glance
D. Breathe (Rhythm): Laying E. Fire: Let’s Hit It!

the Inner Foundations for l Who Can Be Coached?
Coaching l Coaching Versus Therapy
Do You Have What It Takes l When, Where, Length of
to Be a Great Coach? Coaching Sessions
l What to Look for in l How Does One Coach at a
Credible Leadership World-Class Level?
Coaches l Key Coaching Skills
l Beware of Pseudo Coaches l Checklist for an Effective
l Coaching vs. Advice-Giving Conversation
l Qualities and “Disqualities” l The Pre-Coaching Process
of a Coach l Boss-Employee Hurdle to
l Some Coaching Coaching
Presuppositions l Inviting an Employee to a
l The Map Is Not the Coaching Relationship
Territory — WYSIWYG l Sample Coaching Contract
l The Most Flexible Element l The Coaching Cycle
in a System l Who Manages the
l Everyone Is Working Coaching Relationship?
Perfectly… l Coaching Conversations
l “Behind Every Action Is a l Coaching Session
Positive Intent.” Preparation Form
l Resistance Indicates Lack l The Coaching Log
of Rapport l Coaching Progress Monitor
l It’s the Meta-States,
St@p#d! F. Reload: Ammos for One
l Meta-States: NLP to the Shot, One Kill
Next Level What Scripts Can
l Learning from Resiliency Managers Use to Ensure
l Coaching Troubling Effective Results in
Emotions Coaching?
l The Challenge of Layering l Some Leadership Coaching
Emotions Patterns
l Virtues Are Layered l Well-Formed Outcome
Emotions Pattern
l Follow-Up Coaching l Coaching the HR Head

Pattern l Coaching a “Dictator” for
l Coaching Using the Succession Planning
Feedback Pattern l Coaching for Commitment
l More Neuro-Semantic l Coaching Assessments
Patterns for Leaders l For Coaching Clients: Are
l Transforming “Mistakes” You Ready to Benefit from
into “Learning” Coaching?
l Decision-Making Pattern l Personal Qualities of an
l The Decision-Destroyer Effective Coach
Pattern l What Undermines Your
l The “As If” Frame Development as a Coach?
l Parts Negotiation Pattern l Dr. L. Michael Hall,
Unwillingly Worthy Guru
G. Aim Higher: Taking the l Effect of Coaching on Me
Long View l Health Coaching
How Can You Create a l Coaching for Career Shift
Coaching Culture in the l Then There’s This Book
Organization?
l Creating a Coaching There’s a helpful glossary at
Culture Within the back for those new to the
l How Does One Become a discipline of Meta-Coaching and
Meta-Coach? Neuro-Semantics.
l Module 1: Accelerated
Coaching Essentials Look for the crosshairs where
l Module 2: Coaching Genius stories and illustrations are
Certification provided to enhance the ideas in
l Module 3: Meta-Coaching this book.
Boot Camp
l Your Coaching Business Bibliography
H. Reinforce: Addendum
l Actual Coaching
Experiences
8 Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Table of Figures 14
List of Coaching Patterns 14
Acknowledgements 15
A. Ready 19
Preface 21
The Necessary Sacrifice 22
Oppression Is Alive and Unwell 23
Managers Need Coaching 23
1. Opening Story 25
2. Raison d‘Être 31
Focus: The Meta-Coaching System 33
Why Another Book on Coaching? 33
Some Purposes of This Book 34
Backdrop for Coaching: ASEAN Integration 34
B. Load 37
3. What’s an Effective 21st Century Leader? 39
Leader-Coach as “Midwife” 41
Rarest Commodity: Leadership Without Ego 43
The Core of Leadership Is to Live the Paradox 45
The Leadership Ego Problem 45
So How to Serve? From Leadership to Coaching 46
One More Distinction — Coaching Then and Now 48
4. What Is Coaching? 49
Some Preliminary Distinctions 49
Who Is the Expert? 50
What Is the Coach’s Expertise? 51
A Note on the Use of Coaching Tools or Patterns 54
Focus on the Structure of Thinking 55
Sports Analogy Applied to Meta-Coaching 57
Which Industry or Field Will Benefit? 57
Coaching as Non-Invasive Surgery 58
Entering the Client’s World 59
5. Coaching vs. Other Helping Disciplines 61

Coaching Is Not Training 62
Coaching Is Not Mentoring 65
Coaching Is Not Counseling (and Therapy) 66
Coaching Is Not Consulting 66
C. Aim 67
6. Why the Need for Coaching? 69
Current Leadership Challenges 69
The Widening Generation Gap 70
Learning from John Lasseter on Leading the Young 72
How to Support This Generation’s Budding Lasseters 74
Low Employee Engagement at Work 75
What Is Employee Engagement? 75
Managers Responsible for Low Engagement 76
Why Employees Leave 78
Most Blocks to Work Performance 80
Can You Afford to Waste Precious Talents? 81
The Law of the Lid 83

7. The Coaching Difference for Leaders 85
The Case for Leadership Coaching 86
A Note for Alpha Type Leaders 87
Influencing the Influencers 88
Coaching Beyond Mentoring 89
Key Question of Succession 89

8. Why the Meta-Coaching System? 91
The Power of the How 91
What’s Unique about Meta- Coaching? 92
A Duplicable System 93
Only Perfect Practice Makes Perfect — so Benchmark! 94
Benchmarking the Intangibles 95
Primer to the Meta-Coaching System 96
Synergy of Meaning to Performance 97
Secret to Mastery 98

10 Table of Contents
D. Breathe 101
9. Qualities of a World-Class Coach 103
Beware of Pseudo Coaches! 103
What to Look for in Credible Leadership Coaches 103
Coaching Communities Sharpen Coaching Skills 104
What Is the Deal with Pure Coaching? 105
Advice-Giving as Overrated 106
The Four Tasks of a Leader 109
10. What Can Sabotage Your Coaching? 113
11. Some Coaching Presuppositions 115

The Map Is Not the Territory (It Merely Represents) 116
The Most Flexible Element in a System… 125
Everyone Is Working Perfectly… 125
“Behind Every Action Is a Positive Intent” 126
Resistance Indicates Lack of Rapport 127
12. It’s The Meta-States, St@P#D! 129
13. Coaching Troubling Emotions 141

Neuro-Semantics and Troubling Emotions 142
Why Troubling Emotions? 142
The Challenge of Layering Emotions 143
Virtues Are Layered Emotions 143
Emotions as Appropriate 144

E. Fire! 151
14. Coaching Who, When, Where? 153
Who Can Be Coached? 153
Coaching vs. Therapy 154
15. When to Coach and Length of Coaching

Sessions 157
Where Are Coaching Sessions Held? 159
16. How Does One Coach at World-Class Level? 161

Key Coaching Skills 161
1. Listening Skills 162
2. Supporting 164
3. Precision Questioning 165
4. Meta-Questioning 167
Checklist for an Effective Conversation 168
17. The Pre-Coaching Process 171

Pre-Coaching Conversation 171
The Boss-Subordinate Hurdle to Coaching 172
Reframing the Relationship 172
Script for Inviting an Employee to a Coaching
Relationship 173
If the Client Refuses the Coaching Relationship 174
If the Client Agrees to a Coaching Relationship 175
Sample Coaching Contract 175
Coaching Agreements 176
18. The Coaching Cycle 179

Who Manages the Coaching Relationship? 179
Coaching Conversations 179
Coaching Session Preparation Form 180
The Coaching Log 181
Coaching Progress Monitor 182
F. Reload 183
19. Some Leadership Coaching Patterns 185
A Note to the Spontaneous Types of Leaders 185
How to Use the Patterns 186
Well-Formed Outcome (WFO) Pattern 186
Follow-Up Coaching Pattern 190
Coaching Using the Feedback Pattern 191
20. More Neuro-Semantic Patterns for Leaders 197

Five Neuro-Semantic Patterns and How They Are
Useful for Leaders Who Coach 197
A Note on Using the Patterns 199
1. Transforming “Mistakes” into “Learning” 199
2. Decision-Making Pattern 201
3. The Decision-Destroyer Pattern 203
4. The “As If” Frame 205
12 Table of Contents
5. Parts Negotiation Pattern 207
G. Aim Higher 209

21. Creating a Coaching Culture Within 211
Step 1: Raise the Sense of Urgency 212
Step 2. Set Up the Guiding Coalition 213
Step 3. Craft the Change Vision and Strategy 214
Step 4. Communicate for Understanding and Buy-In 214
Step 5. Empower Others to Act 215
Step 6. Create Short-Term Wins 216
Step 7. Do Not Let Up 216
Step 8. Embed Coaching in the Company Culture 217
22. How Does One Become a Meta-Coach? 219

The Fast-Track System 219
The Certification Process 221
Module 1: Accelerated Coaching Essentials 222
Module 2 : Coaching Genius Certification 223
What Is Genius and Why Is It Important for Success? 225
Module 3: ACMC 232
Your Coaching Business 233
H. Reinforce: Addendum 235

Coaching the HR Head 237
Coaching a “Dictator” for Succession Planning 241
Coaching for Commitment 248
Anchoring 252
The Power of Meta-Programs 257
How Are Meta-Programs Formed? 258
Similar to, But Way Beyond Typology 258
How to Use Meta-Programs for Coaching 259
Self-Analysis for Coaches 264
Personal Qualities of an Effective Coach 264
What Sabotages Your Coaching? 265
Are You Ready to Be Coached? 267
Dr. L. Michael Hall, Unwillingly Worthy Guru 270
Health Coaching 275
Coaching for Career Shift 276
Then There’s This Book 278
Parting Words 279

Glossary 281
Bibliography 285
Endnotes 286
About the Author 289

14
Table of Figures
Fig. 1: Coach‘s Work: Facilitate Client from A to B 49
Fig. 2: The Block Towards the Desired State 49
Fig. 3: Facilitating Client to Identify Resources 50
Fig. 4: Coaching and Other Helping Disciplines 61
Fig. 5: John Lasseter with UP Movie Characters 74
Fig. 6: Meaning to Performance Matrix 97
Fig. 7: Qualities of an Effective Coach 112
Fig. 8: Coaching Sabotages 113
Fig. 9: The Map Is Not the Territory 117
Fig.10: Emotion: Gap Between Expectation and Reality 119
Fig.11: How the M-E-B Process Information 120
Fig.12: How Meta-States Work 133
Fig.13: Emotion as Difference Between Map and Territory 146
Fig.14: Meta-Coaches in Weekly Practice Sessions 219
Fig.15: Meta-Coaching Model 221
LIST OF COACHING PATTERNS IN THE BOOK

l Some Leadership Coaching Patterns 185
l Well-Formed Outcome Pattern 186
l Follow-Up Coaching Pattern 190
l Coaching Using the Feedback Pattern 191
l More Neuro-Semantic Patterns for Leaders 197
l Transforming “Mistakes” into “Learning” 199
l Decision-Making Pattern 201
l The Decision-Destroyer Pattern 203
l The “As If” Frame 205
l Parts Negotiation Pattern 207
l Meta-Stating Troubling Emotions 228
l Anchoring Pattern 255
Acknowledgements
I
t takes communities to write a book. I’d like to thank
the following: First, Dr. L. Michael Hall and the leaders of
the International Society of Neuro-Semantics and the Meta-
Coaching Foundation for their tireless work of building, sustaining
and developing the coaching disciplines bar none. I also declare
that as a primer on the discipline of Meta-Coaching and Neuro-
Semantics, much of the material in this work are taken from the
various books, lectures and articles of Dr. L. Michael Hall.
I would not have known Meta-Coaching if not for Engr.
Claude Sta. Clara, the first Meta-Coach in the country, whose
vision paved the way for me to become one of the first three
Filipino Meta-Coaches. He was also our first teacher in the Meta-
Coaching discipline.
To my fellow Filipino Meta-Coaches, my local community
of learners who have struggled, learned and coached with me to
grow the discipline.
To my brothers and sisters in the Charismatic Renewal,
especially the Ang Ligaya ng Panginoon Community, who were my
first willing “guinea pigs” in coaching, and who have allowed me to
develop my skills through training and coaching them.
To Tep Misa, former country manager of Cisco, special thanks
for the last-minute war room huddle at your home to adjust the
book design for better oomph.
To the future Meta-Coaches, who will facilitate personal and
corporate transformations to build a self-actualizing nation, I look
forward to journeying with you!
To my five children, who constantly remind me that as good
as I am in becoming a world-class coach, it is to be the father,
16 Acknowledgements
friend and coach to each of them that is the higher standard of

excellence and purpose of my life.
To my other worthwhile partners in consulting firms who
have trusted me for years to run their training and coaching
programs for them: my dear friend and brother, Omy Romero of
OTi Philippines, who started us in our journey to serve corporate
leaders; Lilian Sioco of Mindbroker who supported our bid for
getting international certifications; George and Josie Santamaria
of Career Systems, Inc.; Buneeh Pagdanganan and Steph Escareal
of Convergent Consulting; Alvin Samson of Cornerstone
Consultancy. And I should not forget the Institute for Pastoral
Development who provided me early exposure in training leaders
since the late ‘80s.
To the wonderful staff of the Ateneo Center for Continuing
Education, for using the Meta-Coaching overview for their public
runs.
To the staff of Shepherd’s Voice Publications, who, even
after having explained that they only publish works of seasoned
authors, decided to publish my first work. You are a blessing!
To dear Ms. Ellen Soriano, director of the Southeast Asian
Business Studies of the University of Asia and the Pacific, who
partnered with us in offering the Meta-Coaching certification to
their clients, including the Philippines’ first certification by Dr. Hall
himself. You also made it possible for me to finish this work.
To my brother, Bo Sanchez, for entrusting not only himself
but also his leaders for me to train and coach. You continue to
be my inspiration in leading Christians with your empowering
humility.
To my parents who always believed in me — my pop who is
a fan of my workshops, and my mom who takes care of the store
while Pop attends. To my sister Jonet, who extends a hand in our
workshops, and my sister in Canada, Mitch, who keeps my parents

happy and cared for.
To my dearest wife, best friend, sternest critic, favorite and
only boss, Vanessa. You have supported this crazy journey, trusted
my vision, and stood beside me every step of the way, from the
very obscure and uncertain start. I’m excited that in your own
choice to be a Meta-Coach, you can already coach me.
And, of course, to my dear Lord and Savior, who is the
ultimate goal of my life. You created me to be free and intelligent
and You relate to me best as my Coach. Thank You for giving me the
mind and the heart to find the answers I seek. For every question I
ask, You reply with even more questions that pierce my heart and
challenge me to come up with solutions. I praise You for this work.
My next book will be on Christian coaching, I promise.
18
A. READY
Preface
Opening Story
Raison d‘être
20
Preface
One common thought managers have is that they will lose their
power if they take on a coaching role. What they don’t realize is
that they end up with more power by being a coach rather than a
manager.
– Byron and Catherine Pulsifer
T
oday marks the 29th celebration of the Philippine
EDSA Revolution. This event is popularly known as the
day the Philippines modeled to the world how to stand up
to and remove an unjust and powerful dictator without a single
gunshot. Today, we turned the world upside down by showing that
the nonviolent removal of dictatorship is far more powerful than
the usual use of force.
I write this book for managers who are ready for a similarly unique
revolution.
“Every generation needs a new revolution.”

— Thomas Jefferson
A revolution where no blood is spilled, no clanging of swords, no

shrieks of passion, no battle cries or gunshots heard. It is not forged
by the angry masses. There are no mad hordes with screaming
placards nor flying sticks and stones. There’s no doubt, however,
that strongholds will be shattered and lofty towers gradually
felled.
22 Preface
This is a revolution started by leaders who have had enough of

the domination that have crippled employees and members
from unleashing their full potential and becoming meaningfully
productive in their fields.
They have witnessed countless organizations that cannot retain

people, much less harness them at full hilt. They have seen the
plight of subordinates whose confidence have been battered with
directives, yoked with well-crafted top-down cascades, sugar-
coated with patronizing suggestions and well-meaning advice day
in and day out. This has caused an emaciating, organization-wide
malady that can only be cured by a revolution.
Sadly, most employees are disengaged worldwide, and managers

unwittingly play key roles in causing this. Not all is lost, however.
THE NECESSARY SACRIFICE
Every revolution has casualties. For the coaching revolution, it

is the boss’s ego. This is the boss’s necessary sacrifice in order to
gain the sweet spoils of the revolution: a highly productive team
receptive and ready for any challenge.
Most leaders spend time trying to get others to think highly of

them, when instead they should try to get their people to think
more highly of themselves. It’s wonderful when the people believe
in their leader. It’s more wonderful when the leader believes in
their people! You can’t hold a man down without staying down
with him.i
These are the words of Booker T. Washington who, at the turn

of the 19th century, became the first Black man to receive an
honorary degree from Harvard. He was an American educator,
author, orator and political leader. Born into slavery, he spent

his life uplifting the situation of his fellow Blacks mainly through
vocational education.
Today, many forms of psychological slavery still exist. They are

evident every time a person is prevented from expressing the full
range of his intentions, meanings, emotions, skills and interests.
OPPRESSION IS ALIVE AND UNWELL
I recently did a workshop with executives of a bank that was

transitioning from a dictatorial leadership into one that was
more collaborative and empowering. Some of the old guards were
resisting the shift. They were insistent on just focusing on tasks
that mattered to banks — short-term goals and deliverables. So
the main method they desired was merely to pound people to get
their targets done. “Nothing personal,” said their chief finance
officer (CFO).
During lunch after the workshop, a senior manager who directly

reported to the CFO shared about her anguish of working under
him. He had suppressed her in many ways, and has now pushed
her to the brink of a choice: stay with the company she loves or
reclaim her freedom by leaving. This is not the stuff of telenovelas
(drama sitcoms). It is real life that happens 80 percent of the time
in offices by Gallup’s count.
MANAGERS NEED COACHING
To start this coaching revolution, Gallup recommends that

companies get professionals to coach managers and hold them
accountable for their employees’ engagement.
24 Preface
Gallup’s research has found that managers are primarily

responsible for their employees’ engagement levels. Companies
should coach managers to take an active role in building
engagement plans with their employees, hold managers
accountable, track their progress, and ensure that they
continuously focus on emotionally engaging their employees. By
doing so, they gain a powerful framework to guide the creation
of a strong, engaged workplace.ii
This answers the age-old question: “If the boss is taking care of
everyone, who is taking care of the boss?”
Learn the least used leadership style that makes the greatest
difference — coaching.
Let this revolution stir your organization. Build the coaching culture
within. Equip your managers with it before your competitors do.
Get the advantage of keeping your valuable employees before
someone else finds them.
1. Opening Story
I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process
to draw out the skills or talent that was previously hidden within
an individual, and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem
previously thought unsolvable.
– John Russell
T
ina was a stellar performer who eased her way
up the ranks to eventually land a well-deserved branch
manager post for a nationwide merchandising company.
She had the rare combination of impeccable work ethic and great
people skills.
She had everything a young, ambitious manager could hope for,

especially tying the knot soon with her boyfriend of three years.
Now in her early 30s, the timing couldn’t have been better.
But he broke her heart by ending the relationship. And after the
heartbreak came the broken performance at work.
It did not help that he worked under her in the same branch.
At first, her bosses and colleagues gave her all the leeway she
needed to get over him: from special days off, to nights out with
the ladies, to even providing new love opportunities as soon as she
was up for it.
26 Opening Story
With it came all manner of well-worn advice and words of wisdom,

like:
“Time heals all wounds.”
“Get over it. There are lots of fish in the sea.”
“It’s his loss, not yours.”
“Don’t get mad; get even.”
Her bosses extended their patience as long as they could to allow

her to heal, but time seemed to have run out as their branch sales
began to dip due to her lack of focus.
From the initial patience and understanding gradually came the

more urgent call for her to move on and return to her former
excellence.
After this came the not-so-veiled threats of what they might be

forced to do just to get the branch numbers up again — with or
without her.
By the time she was referred to me by one of the concerned board

of directors, her ordeal had stretched on for five months without
any improvement in sight.
This is just an example of the countless blocks professionals

experience as they try to perform at work. I have coached:
• A successful millionaire who went through an existential blah
that caused him to abandon his thriving businesses;
• A COO (child of owner) who was confused about whether
to continue her employment or take over her late father’s
business, but fearing that she might wreck her marriage since
her Australian husband wants them to settle in his native
country;
• A senior vice president for sales who could not retire since he
couldn’t find a qualified successor among his deputies, only
to realize it was his lack of ability to appreciate them that
prevented him from seeing their potential;
• A demotivated high-performing marketing officer who felt
her boss was threatened by her achievements that he neither
recommended her for promotion nor developed her;
• A senior adviser to the CEO and the president (the CEO’s son)
of a major financial company who was constantly caught in the
crossfire between the two;
• A manager feeling dejected after being removed without prior
notice from the department that was her pet project;
• A vice president for HR due for promotion to senior vice
president with no confidence since the departments soon to be
under her were outside her competency;
• A top leader caught in the crossfire between his traditional
generals who were bent on keeping the status quo and younger
innovative leaders who were being elbowed out of seniority
positions;
• A senior manager besieged by the coup d’état of his constituents.
These are but a few of the hundreds of varied cases that managers
face at work.
From these coaching sessions, two initial observations come to

mind. First is this:
Most of the reasons people fail to perform as expected at work

have nothing to do with work.
A lot has to do with stored memories and experiences that have

become beliefs about self, others and the world, memories that
28 Opening Story
when re-accessed, affect a person’s emotions and behavior. When

the memories elicit unresourceful emotions, the behavior follows,
and consequently the results. (For more details on this, turn to
page 120: How the Mind-Emotion-Body Processes Events.)
Remember Tina, the manager I started with in this chapter? So

what’s her deal?
Despite all the well-worn advice and words of wisdom she heard
and even support she got to move on, none could console or give
her closure because, in her mind, this event was “the third in a
series of events where significant men in her life abandoned her.”
I will not go into details now, but because of the Meta-Coaching

technology, the questions surfaced the deeper meanings that got
her stuck. Within 30 minutes, she was well on her way to reusing
a key strategy that allowed her to move on after the first two
abandonments that took place 15 years ago in her life.
What’s uncanny is she did not hear a single piece of advice,

suggestion, story or word of wisdom from me. Not even a leading
question. This is the power of coaching. The solution all came from
her, and she was all ready to apply them on the way out. This is
where the coaching presupposition comes into play: “People have
all the resources they need.”
And the second alarming observation I made that also applied to

Tina was:
If managers and leaders have no coaching skills to facilitate their

people’s search for solutions to their problems, then these same
leaders soon become part of the problem, if they were not so

already.
The board member who requested me to coach Tina was already

on the verge of exasperation, and due to a lack of coaching skill,
she was fast becoming Tina’s problem — for she was now about to
fire Tina!
I am writing this book to present the coaching system that has

provided me the skills to work with professionals.
Prior to getting certified, I thought my background as a theologian,

university teacher on marriage and relationships, part-time youth
minister, philosopher, leadership consultant, corporate trainer,
businessman, computer reseller, change management expert,
father of five and loving husband to one, and with all the years of
formal and informal training that came with them, have equipped
me enough to help people and organizations get beyond their
blocks.
The blurb on the cover says: “Just when you thought you have learned
all you need to know about leading others.” That’s because nothing
equipped me as effectively as the Meta-Coaching discipline.
I am privileged to coach Bo Sanchez, one of the most respected

leaders in this country, who in an unassuming way, lead the Light
of Jesus Family that has over 150 Feasts, which have weekly prayer
gatherings in many parts of the world.
Bo has great public speaking skills, confirmed by the hundreds of

thousands of people who regularly follow his broadcasts and jam-
30 Opening Story
packed meetings. He also trains some of the best speakers in the

country. But he would be the first to admit that something is still
missing in their ability to impact lives. When I met him again in
2013, he had been looking into the discipline of coaching that might
be the missing link to motivating sustainable transformation in
people.
As one of the most teachable leaders I know, Bo then requested

me to train him and his top leaders in the discipline of the Meta-
Coaching system.
2. Raison d‘être
No one learns as much about a subject as one who is forced
to teach it.
– Peter F. Drucker
T
his book can serve several types of readers who are
looking into organizational and leadership coaching.
For pre-coaches, as preview or overview… For those who have

none or very limited experience in coaching, this can be a foot-
in-door preview. After having given over a hundred overviews to
introduce the Meta-Coaching certification system, I have received
requests to compile such an overview into a book. This is such a
compilation.
So if you have attended an overview presentation or workshop

on coaching, this book can serve as further reading and source of
information for you to review the basics of coaching others.
For searchers… If you have ever wondered whether coaching will

add worthwhile value to your work, life or organization, then this
quick read can answer the basic questions of what coaching can
do for you.
For current coaches… For those with coaching experiences,

especially if you have already received a local or international
certification, but wonder how to level up your practice, or if you
have tried it but don‘t know what to do next, then this book can
discuss what is available at the world-class level of coaching.
32 Raison d‘être
Most coaching practitioners today have neither a psychological

framework nor a validated methodology for their practice. The
Meta-Coaching system has a robust share of both.
For leaders or managers… who are either no longer content with

past and current efforts to get your team to perform better, or if
your team has been performing
well and you wonder how to take If you have been looking
it to the next level, or if you are for a way to convince
considering building a coaching your colleagues or
culture in your company, then bosses to consider the
this book can show what the practice of coaching but
Meta-Coaching discipline can are short on reasons or
provide. The conversational evidence to support your
tools of this discipline will intention, then this book
unleash minute yet necessary has more than enough
adjustments to how your leaders stories, research and
interact with their people and insights for you to use
make the crucial difference in to convince them.
enhancing relationships and
results.
Actual guide to coaching others… There are scripts of coaching

patterns that I have developed from non-coaching sources that
can be useful for managers in giving feedback, solving problems,
and delegating to their people. Samples of conversations are also
included in a chapter to provide an actual illustration of how
coaching sessions go.
Another important purpose: If you have been looking for a way

to convince your colleagues or bosses to consider the practice of
coaching but are short on reasons or evidence to support your
intention, this book has more than enough stories, research and
insights for you to use to convince them. Feel free to arm yourself.
FOCUS: THE META-COACHING SYSTEM
This book focuses on the Meta Coaching System. Its arsenal of

tools, once learned and internalized, can be as straight to the
point and effective as a scalpel, a drill, a heavy-duty glue, and a
pair of scissors.
The Meta-Coaching discipline is replete with books and manuals

on coaching, effective communication and actualizing excellence.
This book provides the first steps that an aspiring coach can take to
fully experience what this rich discipline has to offer. It also seeks
to contextualize, especially for the Filipino and Asian experience,
how coaching can be used. The learning is drawn from our work
and interaction with Asian corporate clients and from fellow
neuro-semanticists from Hong Kong, Malaysia, Indonesia, India,
Egypt, Vietnam, Thailand, Singapore, Taiwan, China and others.
WHY ANOTHER BOOK ON COACHING?
As much as there are now dozens of books on coaching, this

one contributes to promoting this practice for leaders of various
sectors and industries. Truth to tell, whenever I give presentations
and workshops on coaching around the country, only a small
percentage of managers and leaders in my audience have heard
about the discipline, much less practiced it. In a workshop I gave to
60 professionals, three have heard about it and only one has had
training on it. Before that, in a group of 125, only three had been
trained in the discipline.
34 Raison d‘être
SOME PURPOSES OF THIS BOOK
1. To establish why coaching is a necessary skill for managers and

leaders today;
2. To explain why, despite this necessity, it remains the least used
leadership style;
3. To discuss the challenges of implementing coaching in the
workplace;
4. To distinguish real coaching from pseudo coaching, and why
this distinction matters;
5. To introduce key aspects of the Meta-Coaching System and
how it can help you as a leader and coach;
6. To outline the requisite skills for coaching; and
7. To illustrate the power of coaching through some of the
author’s stories and experiences
BACKDROP FOR COACHING: ASEAN INTEGRATION
Aside from the five major emerging national economies — Brazil,

Russia, India, China and South Africa (BRICS) — ASEAN countries
are consolidating as a stronghold to lead the economy of the 21st
century. Right smack within it is the Philippines, once the “sick
man of Asia,” but now considered as second only to China in GDP
(Gross Domestic Product) growth. Many economic institutions
like the World Bank and Goldman and Saccs have predicted that
the Philippines will emerge as a true tiger economy. iii
Global companies are now seeking the communication and

influencing approach that cuts across and engages professionals
of various nationalities and cultures. The Meta-Coaching model,
with its presence in at least 40 countries and alumni from over 70
countries, addresses this need. Our work of training companies in
the coaching system for their branch countries in Asia is testament

to this cross-cultural relevance of the Meta-Coaching system.
Key to this growing convergence of ASEAN professionals are our

dynamic, young and ever growing population who speak very
good English, are good team players, service-oriented and hungry
for development. These young professionals, however, have
an aversion to authority, but would appreciate leadership and
guidance that do not diminish their value or insights.
It is for these young professionals that the manager as coach

becomes the most relevant and fitting approach in facilitating
their development.
36
B. LOAD
What’s an Effective
21st Century Leader?
What Is Coaching?
Coaching vs. Other Helping Disciplines
38
3. What’s an Effective 21st

Century Leader?
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more
and become more, you are a leader.
– John Quincy Adams
T
he above question might already be coming out of
many people’s ears since it has been one of the most
discussed topics in organizations, but allow me to define
key points of leadership that can make sense in coaching. As a
commonly known topic, it can also be difficult to pin down as
there are so many schools of thought on it.
I will list down a handful of quotes from famous personalities

that set the frame for what effective leaders focus on that makes
coaching a necessity.
Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.

– Warren Bennis
The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to
where they have not been. – Henry A. Kissinger
Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to high sights, the raising

of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a
personality beyond its normal limitations. – Peter Drucker
The above quotes set the key activity of a leader: to translate

dreams into performance and to get people to achieve things they
40 What’s an Effective 21st Century Leader?
never thought they were capable of. This is also the key function of
a coach to be discussed in a later chapter.
Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem

of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it‘s amazing
what they can accomplish. – Sam Walton
Outward success is a product, more than anything else, of a

leader’s firm belief in each member’s worth as a person and in her
capacity to make things happen.
I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles, but today it

means getting along with people. – Mahatma Gandhi
Gandhi himself ushered in a monumental shift on how leaders get

people to act — that is — through relationships built on mutual
trust and a shared vision rather than coercion and force. The
peaceful revolutions that followed his lead in the last and current
century are a testament to the power of this approach and should
guide leaders who strive for authenticity. Not to forget that one of
Gandhi’s main inspirations was the peaceful yet history-defining
revolution of the man from Nazareth.
I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?

— Benjamin Disraeli
To achieve with people, the leader shows them that they [the
people] are worth following. That’s why great leaders listen to
their people and apply what he learns from them.
In coaching, the coach talks only 20 to 30 percent of the time so he

can listen to the client’s ideas most of the time. Before the coach
can influence the client to achieve a goal, he must first listen,

seek to understand, and follow the client most of the way. Neuro-
Linguistic Programming (NLP) calls this process pace, pace, pace,
then lead.
A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his

work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.
– Lao Tzu
This quote is very curious and strange for leaders who are always
in the limelight. But I only realized how true this is when I became
a facilitator and especially when I started coaching. I hear from
others and read online posts on how people I have coached made
significant changes in their life, work and relationships. I say a
prayer of thanks, and am ready to embrace the fact that other
people will not know that the coaching session became the turning
point that made it happen, especially since most of my coaching
relationships are confidential. And of course, that the coaching
dynamic facilitated the client to make decisions and take action
steps himself, so he can truly say he did it himself.
LEADER-COACH AS “MIDWIFE”
The best analogy here is the partnership between a woman

birthing and the midwife. Do you know who your mother is?
Great. Now how many of you know the midwife who assisted your
mother in delivering you into this world? According to Lao Tzu, the
best leaders are the unsung midwives. Make no mistake, for every
famous leader, there are hundreds of leaders you never heard
about that made just as much impact.
You don’t need a title to be a leader. – Multiple Attributions

This is the key inspiration for my style of leadership, and that

is why, as a leader, I choose to be a coach. In my work, I have
influenced many executives, managers, business owners, having
served in over 1,500 workshops and having personally coached at
least 300 leaders.
I learned this first from Dr. John Maxwell who said, “Leadership is
influence, not position.”
Historically, there have been countless people who influenced

without position. Think of Samuel who shaped the first kings of
Israel. Then you will realize many of the most influential leaders
who leave an indelible mark in history by bringing change that
endured, had no public position at all — neither in government
nor the military: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jose Rizal, Mother
Teresa, William Wallace. Do not forget the best of them all: Jesus.
And just as curiously, people who once held titles or office became
more respected and impactful when they lost them, like Nelson
Mandela, Ninoy Aquino and Princess Diana.
In a discussion with one of the top leaders of an

organization that I was once a part of, I raised
the idea of how coaching can improve the way
our leaders nurture and influence their staff.
He said he appreciated the approach but added,
“You know, Aldem, you can only make this happen
if you have a leadership position in our organization!”
Then I recalled what Dr. Maxwell said about how many leaders
are fixated on position: “It’s not the position that makes the
leader. It’s the leader that makes the position.”
Then I wondered if this leader had been aware of what I had been
doing for over 15 years, that is, influence organizational leaders
from an outside position!
At the right time I will give him a copy of this book.
The above quotes about the quality of leadership needed will only
be possible if the leader internalizes the point of Bob Davids, a
respected business leader. I highly recommend the reader to watch
his Ted Talk on the following topic.
RAREST COMMODITY: LEADERSHIP WITHOUT EGOiv
Bob Davids spoke about his mentor, Robert Townsend, whose

book, Up the Organization, is in Wharton School of Business’s list
of must-read books until today.
Bypassed for a promotion, Bob determined to up his bid by getting

an MBA. To which Townsend advised:
“No, never do an MBA. There are too many managers already.
The world is short of leaders.”
Davids initially thought that “managers, leadership … were the

same...”
But concluded that “32 years later I‘m here to tell you, they‘re not
the same.”
Management is control. There are only three things you can

control — quality, money, time...
People will come under leadership…

Power comes when people you are leading give you support; they
offer you the power and watch you.
Next comes the paradox that lies behind true power:

If you take that power and deflect all of it back to them, then
they give you more, and if you give more back to them the second
wave, they give you even more.
Then comes the warning on what has tripped many leaders:

But if you start to take some of that power, they start giving
you less, and those leaders who accept the power make a critical
mistake, because the power… falters and goes away.
Falling for the seduction of power:

And I can point to many leaders around the world… who are
falling because they took the power, they didn‘t give it back to
the people they were leading.
Leadership is a gift. You can‘t buy, sell or trade it. You either have
it or you don‘t…
You need to build it within you before it can be honed and

polished by the organization.
Then Davids concluded that leadership is the most valuable

commodity on the planet.
It‘s not food nor water. Not oil nor minerals, but leadership that
is the rarest commodity.
But it‘s not just any kind of leadership. It‘s the leadership without
any ego. The leadership that does not take anything.
What a powerful illustration of what coaching does: while

coaching, the leader gives to the subordinate ALL of the POWER
to dream, to want, to desire, to choose, to decide, and to take the
steps to realize the goal.
THE CORE OF LEADERSHIP IS TO LIVE THE PARADOX
When you look at those who are considered the world‘s greatest
leaders (many of whom are long dead or have lived a long life),
those who have left a legacy of significance, they are noted to have
lived this paradox.
That is why Bob Davids observed that the rarest commodity is

leadership without ego. Those who want to be great must serve
the rest. The first will be last.
These are not outdated words of a fallen preacher. Today, these

words are the standards that measure the quality of each person
who tries to lead others.
THE LEADERSHIP EGO PROBLEM
History has shown that the best leaders through time rise either to
their level of incompetence or egoism. I realized that incompetence
is the result of a gradually bloated ego — when leaders begin to
trust themselves too
Leadership is the rarest
much to listen to others.
commodity. But it‘s not just
Their significance begins
any kind of leadership. It‘s
to be their focus when
the leadership without any
leaders achieve a certain
ego. The leadership that does
prominence.
not take anything.
I am not just talking about world leaders, but even a coach of a

Little League team in a mountainous province or the conductor of
a chapel choir. When leaders begin to take their success seriously,
they walk a little taller than before and get a bit cockier.
The team of guides led by Rob Hall, who have

conquered Everest for 10 years, announced they
have carved a yellow brick road to the top of
the mountain. They began to overestimate
their capacity to navigate the forbidding heights
of the world’s tallest in unpredictable weather.
They have slipped from respecting its ability to claim hundreds
of lives who tried to make it to the top, or make it back down
after having reached the top. This growing cockiness eventually
caused the lives of eight climbers.
In his book How the Mighty Fall, Jim Collins calls this “hubris”
— that rush of self-importance that characterize bosses of top
companies shortly before their great fall.
I told my wife that when I die, she should only talk about me
for one year. After that, she should move on and begin new
experiences. Her answer, “That long?”
For all the small and great leaders who walked the well-worn
path called Pride just before it intersects Fall Street, these lines
reverberate all throughout history:
“He who wants to be great must serve the rest.”
SO HOW TO SERVE? FROM LEADERSHIP TO COACHING
This is the tricky part because many parents and leaders fall
frustrated after declaring they have spent and given all to serve
their children and members, and yet they do not feel appreciated,
much less fulfilled.
The answer to the question above is the answer to this question:

At the core of everything, what does each human being want?
To find and live their purpose. And while there is a purpose that
connects us all, each one has a unique expression of that purpose,
an expression that is known only to each person and God.
I discovered that nothing embodies this paradoxical type of

leadership better than coaching the member.
Now there is a popular notion of coaching that can provide an

unfortunate picture of the discipline: overbearing coaches whose
only concern is victory, who regard players as mere pawns they
can move around to get the job done.
But even in sports, coaches who serve the athletes are evident all
over the place.
Imagine a Freddie Roach whom Pacquiao uses as his

punching bag, sparring partner, masseur, timer,
prompter, cheerleader, water boy, etc.
This picture is also vivid with masters like

long-time UFC welterweight champion, George
St. Pierre, who in his off season carries water pails
and massages another fighter in the limelight.
ONE MORE DISTINCTION — COACHING THEN AND NOW
According to Harvard Business Review:

The reasons companies engage coaches have changed. Ten
years ago, most companies engaged a coach to help fix toxic
behavior at the top. Today, most coaching is about developing
the capabilities of high-potential performers.v
This explains why many organizations still think of coaching

as corrective for non-performers. A lot has changed since then.
Coaching is now at the cutting edge of leadership development.
As I write this, we are about to train retiring executives of a major
company to layer the coaching style that these mentors will use in
developing their successors.
4. What Is Coaching?
Some strive to make themselves great. Others help others see and
find their own greatness. It‘s the latter who really enrich the world
we live in.
– Rasheed Ogunlaru
SOME PRELIMINARY DISTINCTIONS
I
n many circles, I still get comments like “by coaching do
you mean sports coaching, like Phil Jackson and Freddie Roach?”
Actually it is like that to the extent that the sports coach

is concerned with honing the player to the highest level of
performance.
Using this sports

coaching analogy, I
provide the diagram www.dreamstime.com
for what the executive
or performance coach
does: to facilitate,
Fig. 1. Coach’s Work: Facilitate client from A to B
mainly through
conversation, for the client to move from his current undesired
state (A) to a chosen desired state (B).
This process from A

to B would have been
www.dreamstime.com
simple except for

one little detail: the
boulder.
Fig. 2. The block towards the desired state

50 What Is Coaching?
This “little” boulder in

front of the client at point
A is what’s keeping him
www.dreamstime.com
from getting to point B.
Without this boulder, the
journey would be a breeze
and coaching would be, Fig. 3. Facilitating client to identify inner and
well, unnecessary. outer resources to get through the boulder
Going over, through, around, or under this boulder is what

coaching does. And what the coach does is facilitate the client to
identify and deploy inner and outer resources to get through the
boulder.
WHO IS THE EXPERT?
Going back to the sports analogy, who is the expert in boxing

— Pacquiao or Roach? Think about this question. Many of my
participants actually say Roach because he is, after all, the coach.
But who is the one with the belts? Pacquiao has 10 of them in eight
divisions. It’s unprecedented. Now Roach is famous in his own
right as an institution in boxing, so this question might cause us to
think twice. Let‘s ask a similar question: Between Tiger Woods and
his coaches, who is the expert at golf?
This distinction illustrates they are the experts in their field, not
their coaches.
This becomes even clearer in mixed martial arts, because at the

height of George St. Pierre‘s career as a UFC champion, he goes
through at least eight coaches daily for different discipline areas
— in running, weights, gymnastics, wrestling, nutrition, boxing,

martial arts, etc.
One of the best distinctions that answers this

question came from the Philippines’ most
successful basketball coach, Chot Reyes. He
shared that he became a good coach because,
as a young player, he was benched so regularly he
was able to spend hundreds of hours watching and
learning about the plays from outside the court (meta position).
In the process, he was able to strategize the plays and coach the
players better.
In other words, if Chot spent more time playing than watching, he

would not have been as good a coach as he became.
It will do well for the coach to begin with the mindset that he
is working with an expert. This becomes trickier when the boss
begins to coach. How can his subordinate be the expert?
WHAT IS THE COACH’S EXPERTISE?
There are a lot of areas that the coach needs to be an expert in —

in detecting the structures and the patterns of thinking, speaking
and behaving of the one being coached, and which patterns are
helpful and which are not.
It took the keen eye of Freddie Roach to observe that while

Pacquiao’s left hand was lethal, some opponents like Morales
benefited from his weaker right hand and defeated him in 2005.
As a coaching example:
I was coaching an entrepreneur who was asking whether he

should continue in his current marketing business or move on to
a greater passion like health-related products and services.
I asked how much passion he had for his current business. He

said three out of 10. And for the envisioned business? He said
eight.
So I asked what was keeping him from starting it. He said,

“I’m afraid my impulsiveness will cause me to lose on another
investment, since I already lost over a million on a previous
investment that I had to sell later. I recall the first time I was
asked to invest. I was so passionate about it, I invested right away
on impulse. Now with the money gone, I keep asking myself why
I am so impulsive.”
Do you detect a pattern in his statement? What quality did he keep

mentioning about himself? Right — he mentioned impulsive three
times. Note also how he used the word, as if impulsiveness was
a condition that just happened and he had little control over it.
The coach needs to examine the structure of the client’s thinking
behind this.
“I noted you mentioned impulsive three times. What do you

believe about that?”
“That’s my tendency.”
“Now that you are aware of that tendency, is there any insight?”
“That I should be careful next time!”

“What will you do different next time?”
“I will do a research on the proposal beforehand, consult experts

and successful businessmen before making a decision.”
“Have you done this before?”
“Yes, in my current business!”
“Did it work for you?”
“Of course, that’s why I’m successful!”
“What do you know now about your impulse?”
“That I can be more deliberating when I want to be, and it is not

that difficult to do.”
“So, are you still impulsive?”
“No, I don’t have to be.”
“How do you feel about looking into this new business now?”
“I trust myself now to look into this new venture without the
nagging fear that I might be pulled by impulse again.”
Beyond detecting patterns, the coach then needs to have the

tools to strengthen the weak areas. Roach created routines to
strengthen Manny’s right hand until it became lethal enough that
in his rematch with Morales, he knocked out the latter, the first
time for Morales to be knocked out in his career.
A NOTE ON THE USE OF COACHING TOOLS OR PATTERNS
The coach’s arsenal of tools and his ability to use them determine
his capacity to facilitate the client’s breakthrough. With lower
quality tools, it takes longer to resolve problems, if at all. With
more precision tools, the higher the likelihood of getting the work
done right.
NLP has an arsenal of at least 400 recognized patterns designed to

address most known human issues. Neuro-Semantics has about
200. Think of patterns as the scalpels, forceps, stethoscopes,
tablets and other tools that doctors use to diagnose and treat the
patient’s various woes.
Only this time, it is called non-invasive surgery, because no blood

is spilt in the process, except virtual blood, if the client chooses to
do so.
Coaching patterns then are conversation scripts that facilitate the

client to experience greater resourcefulness and breakthrough in
problem areas that he wants to overcome.
For example, if a client has a bad habit he wants

reduced or removed, there is the Swish pattern for
foregrounding desired habits while backgrounding
unproductive habits.
Some of the most useful coaching patterns are taught and

practiced in the three modules of the Meta-Coaching system. For
a list of these patterns and what they do, see Chapter 22: “How
Does One Become a Meta-Coach?” More patterns are taught in
the Meta-NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner trainings.
FOCUS ON THE STRUCTURE OF THINKING
A person’s experience has two components: the content (story)

and structure (internal thinking and feeling process). The Meta-
Coach focuses on the structure and has very little need of the
client’s story. This approach is very strange to those who are new to
Meta-Coaching. Those who are especially familiar with counseling
will have a tough time making sense of this approach. There are
several reasons for this approach:
1. The client’s story is a past event — meaning it no longer exists

except for how the client has chosen to store it as a movie in
his mind or a memory in his muscle.
2. Since what he stored in his mind is no longer the event itself,

the coach’s inquiry focuses on how the client stored it and how
what is stored continues to affect the client’s thinking, feeling,
speaking and acting.
This is one of the distinctions between counseling or therapy and

coaching. One of the key components of a traditional counseling
session is story-telling, that is, the client takes time to recount
personal experiences and histories that might be related to the
issue or problem he is facing. This story-telling traditionally lasts
for several sessions. For many counselors, the stories can surface
the issues or, at the very least, they can be a cathartic or venting
experience that can contribute to the healing process.
This contrast became evident when I was doing a

coaching demonstration for a group of leaders.
At the end of the demo, a seasoned counselor
commented that my process seemed heartless as
I did not even inquire about the story, much less commiserate
with the client’s emotions. I asked my coachee if he felt my
process was heartless and unsympathetic. He said it wasn’t;
in fact, he appreciated that I was straightforward and results-
driven, something he needed in the session as he had been flip-
flopping about his coaching issue. The map of some counselors
is to be nurturing and emotionally sensitive. A coach needs to be
more flexible depending on what the client needs, relative to his
demeanor and goal.
Coaching is unique in that it takes a different tact, since the client‘s

stories are largely irrelevant to the coaching process. That‘s why
the coach learns to focus on the client‘s structure of thinking and
feeling rather than on the content of the story.
One of the coaching principles is: “The map is not the territory.”
The stories people tell about an experience is not the experience
itself, but merely subjective representations of the actual event,
saved as movies in their minds and bodies.
For a manager, focusing on structure can save him time to coach,

since some stories can last for hours on end. Not only that — if
undetected, the client can weave different stories of the same
blocks and retell them repeatedly for years, sadly without
resolution.
Leaders and parents sometimes suspect that they‘ve heard

enough stories, otherwise known as excuses, from their colleagues
or children. What they know is that it’s now time to think about
solutions, well-formed strategies and plans.
What structures of thinking are relevant to the coach? Those

structures that reveal the representations and meanings that
can hinder the achievement of a goal and those that can reveal
resources, strategies and solutions within the client.
SPORTS ANALOGY APPLIED TO META-COACHING
So far, I have used the sports analogy to define the coach’s

expertise. The same things are required when an executive or life
coach is conversing with the client in the office or the coffee shop.
The topic might not be about sports, but it involves performance
nevertheless. This time, it might be about achieving the sales
target, deploying leadership skills, or integrating work and life.
The coach, while in conversation, requires the same skills to detect
patterns of speech and body in the client that might yield a clue to
the client’s current mental and emotional state.
WHICH INDUSTRY/field WILL BENEFIT from coaching?
I bring up this question because in a highly specialized world,

different fields and industries tend to distinguish themselves from
others, presuming that their unique situation requires unique
skills or expertise to lead or coach.
In my more than 20 years of consulting and training

with over 500 companies and organizations from
at least 10 sectors, I have been asked several
times questions like: “Have you worked with
government? Have you given workshops to banks?
Have you served in the IT industry? Manufacturing?
Hotels? Call centers? Sports? NASA?” Not to mention the levels
in each of these industries, and then nationalities. These are
usually followed by “because we have a very unique situation in

this industry or field.”
Usually I would give them the benefit of the doubt and check out
how unique they are indeed. Most of the time, though, I would
notice the differences are at best secondary in importance,
because the issues and challenges each group faces still fall under
the category of what we call the human race: identity, meaning,
belonging, influence, respect, self-esteem, values, work-life
balance, productivity, performance, leadership, teamwork, etc…
The wiser ones have stopped asking or insisting on their uniqueness,

and especially those who have worked across industries know
that whichever company they may come from, the leadership
challenges are the same.
That’s why coaching is relevant to all industries and sectors, as

long as performance, development, communication, relationship
and leadership are concerned. In other words, where there are
humans wanting to perform better, there is a need for coaching.
We have introduced coaching to many business sectors, then to

education, government, NGOs, medical, familial, religious and
many other types of organizations.
COACHING AS NON-INVASIVE SURGERY
The magic of this process was summarized by the experience of

well-loved author, entrepreneur and faith leader Bo Sanchez:
I was just blown away! I had a problem and Aldem coached me.
He did not tell me what to do. He asked me insightful questions,
and in 45 minutes I knew what to do. I discovered it for myself.
Bo described his experience this way when he wrote me a letter a

few days after the first session:
“It was like deep surgery. My innards were worked on. But I was
the surgeon. It was amazing. I’m still processing the experience…”
In coaching, we call this non-invasive surgery, because disclosure

happens only as much as the coachee allows. In fact, what is even
neat about the whole process is that the coach does not need the
story of the coachee, much less the persons involved, so the client
goes away safe with the secrets he wants to keep.
And what is even more amazing is that a common

friend of ours, a very successful business owner
whom I also coach, said he has for years been
advising Bo on what to do about the issue. But
Bo could not yet find a solution that is convincing
enough to initiate change, until the coaching
session allowed him to confront and resolve the internal conflicts,
and was brought by the questions to the threshold of making a
decision right then and there.
This is what the great coaches refer to as ruthless compassion,

where the process takes the coachee to the heart of the issues and
the aspiration on his own terms, not somebody else’s.
ENTERING THE CLIENT’S WORLD
When I coach nine people in one day, it is uncanny that each

session is like entering into another planet with its own set of
cultures, rules, meanings, values and language. The person who
says, “If I’ve seen one, I’ve seen them all!” is definitely delusional.
Now there are some tendencies of people that can be similar to
another, but by and large, when we try to put everything together
— actions, words, thoughts, feelings, meanings, motivations,
intentions, fears — each personal system is unlike any other. I have
not appreciated what it truly means for each person to be unique
until I became a Meta-Coach and tried to explore a client’s world
using some of the tools like The Matrix of the Mind and the Meta-
Programs.
These models are all available at the certification modules for

Meta-Coaching (see Chapter 22 for a discussion on The Fast Track
System, page 219 onwards).
The Addendum has a brief introduction to the Power of Meta-

Programs on page 257.
5. Coaching vs. Other Helping

Disciplines
W
hat does
coaching
do that is
distinct from other helping
disciplines like mentoring,
counseling, training and
consulting? While coaching
shares many similarities
with the other disciplines,
the key difference lies in
Fig 4: Coaching and Other Helping Disciplines
the expertise. In all the
other disciplines, the practitioners are the experts. For example,
in mentoring, you get a mentor because of his track record and
success in the area you aspire to be good at (writing, managing,
business). And they hire a trainer, of course, because of his
expertise in the subject area.
The coach is surprising because in the introductory session with

my coachees, I frame right away that in our coaching relationship,
I know nothing and he is the expert on his life, work and plans.
The doctor-consultants-turned-coaches had to make these crucial

adjustments when in session with the residents they were training.
During the coaching session the experts were the residents, not
the consultants. Similarly, when we trained retiring executives of a
top energy company to pass on their experience and skill to those
next in line, they were to simply facilitate the process and allow
their coachees to find their own solutions.
62 Coaching vs. Other Helping Disciplines
COACHING IS NOT TRAINING
Training is a skill-based process for teaching and educating

a person through a process to be able to perform new skills.
Training is solution-oriented and skill-centered. In training, an
expert provides information and experience for the new skill to
be developed and refined. While a coaching participant may learn,
coaching is NOT teaching.
This comparison shows that most companies resort to training in

order to resolve many organizational problems.
If people don‘t perform well, give them

motivational and skills trainings.
If they don‘t work well together, give them

teambuilding — touted as the panacea for all
organizational sicknesses and troubles.
If they can‘t lead some people well, give them leadership

trainings.
If they are not that confident, give them personality

enhancement.
If they can‘t organize well, train them in time management.
If they have anger and emotional issues, give them EQ trainings.
If they can‘t express themselves professionally, go for

communication skills training.
Training, of course, does help. In fact, we have been in the training

business for over 15 years now and have been appreciated and
rehired for results. Teambuilding is absolutely enjoyable, especially
with outdoor challenges that I have facilitated in over a hundred
of the best beaches for over 10 years now.
The question, though, is how to apply and sustain what one learns
in training.
There is also a significant expense involved in training which

includes: spending for the participants‘ absence at work
(paid leave), hiring a venue, booking a facilitator or trainer,
transportation, food and materials, planning, internal staffing,
etc. I have facilitated workshops where the resort fee per person
per day is higher than my facilitation fee.
BEWARE OF TRAINING WITH THE QUICK-FIX MINDSET
The tragedy is when management expects training to do the magic

of changing people in an instant.
A related mindset is to shorten the time of training as much as

possible. Topics that normally took days or even two weeks to run
are now requested for a day or two.
There are even companies that request for five different topics
(which could last for 15 days) to be crammed into one or two days!
The instant coffee and fast food mindset has invaded organizations
but now they also expect that with a few exercises in a training
room, their people will be ready to apply the newly-learned people-
related skills.
Dr. John Maxwell has warned against the microwave oven

mentality of developing leaders in his law of process. Malcolm
Gladwell in Outliers talks about the 10,000 hour rule for mastery
in any skill or endeavor.
Statistics yielded that training increases performance by only 22

percent at the most.
There are many reasons for this low yield. The bottom line is, like
in most sales attempts, the initial effort is as good as dead when
there is no follow-through.
There is hardly any time to plan how to implement what one

has learned, especially if work has reached neck-deep after the
training. During training days away from office, work piled up,
so now the employee has to catch up with work, aside from the
regular volume of work.
How does follow-through work?
Here is where the supervisor or manager needs to come in.
Statistics went on to say that training plus coaching yields a

staggering 88 percent performance increase.
This means that if the manager had the coaching skills and
mindset, he can set aside the recently trained employee and coach
him to set well-formed outcomes for implementing at work what
was learned in training.
I was meeting with a well-known hotel about their training

needs, and I commented to the manager that it seemed like
only the middle supervisors were going through training. She

said, “Well, our top managers should have already been trained.
When we hired them, this is expected or they have no business
being executives!”
Something in me revolted against what she said. What? You mean

at some level the growing and the learning stops? It‘s like saying,
Pacquiao is now such a great boxer he needs no training to fight
Mayweather anymore. It‘s unthinkable that some people at higher
levels of the organization think they already know everything so
they can just coast along and use all they know to deal with new
business problems.
Ironically, a few months later,

It‘s unthinkable
that hotel closed down.
that some people at
higher levels of the
In an industry that desperately
organization think they
needs their people to
already know everything
unceasingly innovate to outdo
so they can just coast
competition, hoteliers know
along and use only what
better than to rely on what
they’ve learned in the
their managers know from
past to deal with new
yesteryears’ trainings to keep
business problems.
them ahead.
COACHING IS NOT MENTORING
Mentoring focuses on a particular skill that a person wants to

develop. The mentor is typically more experienced, skilled and
gives suggestions, guidance and direction. Mentoring presupposes
an unequal relationship in that a senior person (the mentor)
passes on specific information to a less experienced person. While
a coaching participant may gain clarity and direction, coaching is

NOT guiding others to replicate the coach’s success.
COACHING IS NOT COUNSELING (AND THERAPY)
Counseling and therapy focus on problems for the purpose of

bringing resolution to them. Therapy refers to the healing of hurts
and counseling typically focuses on the counsel or guidance on
how to live life. In both, there is a focus on the roots or sources of
problems and the symptoms that result from the problems. Both
also typically (in traditional psychology, not the newer cognitive
therapies) consider people as broken and dysfunctional and need
to be helped or fixed. As such, traditional counseling and therapy
focus on healing of hurts and bringing resolution to personal pain.
Both imply that there‘s something wrong that needs to be fixed.
While coaching may provide solutions, coaching is NOT about
fixing the past, simply because the past is over and done with.
COACHING IS NOT CONSULTING
Consulting involves giving advice and using one‘s own expertise

in a given field to inform or to tell an individual what to do. While
consulting can be facilitative, it can also involve procedures and
help people to do something new. Consulting most often takes
responsibility for outcomes and results. A professional coach
NEVER gives advice after contracting to work with a client.
C. AIM
Why the Need for
Coaching?
The Coaching
Difference for Leaders
Why the Meta-
Coaching System?
68
6. Why the Need for Coaching?

The two most important days in your life are the day you were born
and the day you find out why.
– Mark Twain
CURRENT LEADERSHIP CHALLENGES
P
icture these real coaching scenarios that leaders and
managers face in working with their people. How will you
deal with each challenge?
You are the general manager of a thriving company.

You learned that one of your top performing
branch managers has been slipping in
performance for nine months now. You have
tried everything within your power to help her —
from providing the much needed break, to giving
perks, to the promise of salary increase. When these did not
work, you have a heart-to-heart-talk about how she is affecting
the company and mention the possibility of relocation, and
eventually the regrettable discussion of possible termination.
You do not want to let her go but you also do not want to send
the wrong signal that you are condoning non-performing assets
in the organization. What do you do?
Or how about this?
Your fastest growing technical expert is now ripe for

promotion to senior manager. The main reason for promotion
is technical proficiency, but now he has to manage a team of
50. Unfortunately, leadership is not one of his skills. He has
70 Why the Need for Coaching?
anger management issues and bouts of impatience on others’

imperfections. Soon all his staff are requesting to be transferred
to another department. You then have a senior manager with
no one to manage. You can fire him, but you have invested years
in his development. His knowledge of your trade secrets will be
a big loss if he is removed. Plus there’s a great possibility for the
competition to hire him. You know that turnovers, especially at
the managerial level, are expensive and cumbersome. So what do
you do with him?
And how will you deal with this?
A supervisor feels that despite her stellar performance (exceeding

targets and even winning awards), her immediate boss missed
out on recommending her for promotion and has not been
taking steps to develop her.
These are a few of the hundreds of coaching opportunities that can

either be addressed effectively or wasted, depending on whether
the manager has coaching skills or not.
These are examples of cases that were submitted to me for

coaching because the managers could not handle them.
Try your hand at these three situations. How would you deal with
each? What questions would you ask? What would you say to each
of them? How would you facilitate a possible breakthrough for
their situation?
THE WIDENING GENERATION GAP
Not only is there a chasm caused by misunderstanding between

people but also between generations. Remember how elders

admonished children when there are guests in the house: “Be seen,
not heard”? It still persists among seniors and manifests in how
they treat younger co-workers today, sometimes with disastrous
results.
Younger people have, for at least 50 years now, identified

themselves with a global youth culture that has lingo, hangouts,
music and apparel entirely their own. Curiously enough, even if all
of us have experienced our own version of being part of the youth
culture, when we grow out of it, we gradually become alienated.
This causes us and whoever is in the current youth culture to frown
upon each other.
This gap phenomenon is illustrated by the classic

musical The West Side Story. A senior restaurant
operator tried to give advice to a group of gang
members starting with the words, “When I
was your age…”
To which one of the gang leaders quickly retorted, “You were

never our age, grandpa.”
This widening chasm has claimed many inter-generational

relationship casualties.
A close-knit team of managers in the sales department of a

top FMCG company wondered how they have stuck together as
a team for decades, weathering the challenges of competition
and business, while under them flow the strong current of fast
turnovers of young people hired today and gone in a few months.
This is not unique to their company. This is a sign of the times.
Many factors contribute to this chasm. One of which can be

attributed to the seniors’ inability to appreciate the value of the
young.
The following section will illustrate this.
LEARNING FROM JOHN LASSETER ON LEADING THE YOUNG
If you don’t know this guy, then let’s keep it that way as I tell his
story as a teenager.
He had rare talent as an animator so though fresh out

of high school, Disney hired him — quite a novel
move for this behemoth company that had
only hired older and experienced professionals
for 20 years.
There he was in his dream job, enthusiastic to both learn and

share his wild ideas. But he could not have it both ways. An older
animator laid it straight to him when John tried to suggest how
to improve a movie: “You know, just do what you are told. And
if you don’t want to do it, then there’s a long line of people out
the door that will be glad to take your place.” John recalled this
as the two sentences that crushed his dream.
“He made me not care about the movie I was working on, not
care about the studio.”
He went on to say:
“I walked out very hurt, and said to myself, ‘If ever I‘m in charge
one day, I will never say that to a young person.’ Young people are
the future… and he didn’t see that.”
As if that was not trouble enough, John pitched the idea of the
first digitally-generated animation in the world, the precursor to
the rich depth of 3D animation we now enjoy. The response of
the Disney executives was to fire him.
Hard to imagine Disney doing this, but remember this was 1981.
Everyone was doing hand-drawn animation and the idea of digital
animation was still unthinkable as computers barely displayed
even stick pictures. Sadder still was the alleged reason for why
he was fired — because he If ever I‘m in charge one
bypassed some superiors in day, I will never say that
his enthusiasm to initiate to a young person... Young
and pitch an idea. Talk about people are the future… and
positional leadership (a.k.a. he didn’t see that.
ego) tripping itself up.
Good thing some other people were doing research with digital
animation, which got him into Lucasfilms, then to running Pixar
with Steve Jobs. After more than 15 blockbuster films, John
Lasseter now runs the Disney Pixar Animation outfits. His return
to Disney in 2006 was a vindication — getting a round of applause
from employees who knew he would be the one to save the great
company that once fired him.
His leadership philosophy:vi

1. My business plan is quality, the only business plan I have ever
lived.
2. Beware of hierarchy, where ideas are important because of
who is saying it.
3. Creative leadership:
Surround yourself
with the best people.
It doesn’t matter
whose idea it is,
it’s the best idea
we use. If it comes
from the cook or the
receptionist, we use
it. He even joked after Fig. 5: John Lasseter with UP movie characters
a while that after all the great talent he had hired, he became
the dumbest person in Pixar.
4. Make sure it is safe for people to tell the truth, and never be
penalized for it.
5. When you do something for the first time, chances are it is
going to be wrong. So make it wrong fast so you get to right
faster. Be brave to take risks.
6. Work hard to make everyone around look good, to make them
successes.
7. We get excited with something that didn’t work so we can fix
it in the future.vii
HOW TO SUPPORT THIS GENERATION’S BUDDING LASSETERS
I share this lesson from John because it is very akin to the coaching
leadership approach, which is anti-hierarchy and all-empowering.
No one has the domain on great ideas, and being the boss does not
give one that right either. Sadly, many bosses and more experienced
professionals today are threatened by the talent and potential of
the younger, inexperienced players. And this same experience of
the young John explains why the following is widespread:
LOW EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT AT WORK
Gallup reported in two 2012 large-scale studies that

… a staggeringly low 13 percent worldwide are engaged. Worse, over
the past 12 years, these low numbers have barely budged, meaning
that the vast majority of employees worldwide are failing to develop
and contribute at work.viii
In the Philippines, the number is slightly higher at 26 percent. But

that still means an overwhelming 74 percent aren‘t. The increasing
rates of turnover are costing companies more than they can afford.
WHAT IS EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT?

According to Forbes.com, employee engagement is not employee
happiness or satisfaction but rather…
…the emotional commitment the employee has to the

organization and its goals.
This emotional commitment means engaged employees actually

care about their work and their company. They don’t work just
for a paycheck, or just for the next promotion, but work on
behalf of the organization’s goals.
This means the engaged computer programmer works overtime

when needed, without being asked. This means the engaged
retail clerk picks up the trash on the store floor, even if the boss
isn’t watching. This means the TSA agent will pull a suspicious
bag to be searched, even if it’s the last bag on their shift.
Gallup further observed that more engaged employees mean

higher earnings:
Companies with an average of 9.3 engaged employees for every
actively disengaged employee in 2010-2011 experienced 147
percent higher Earnings per Share (EPS) compared with their
competition in 2011-2012.
Companies with an average of 2.6 engaged employees for every

actively disengaged employee, in contrast, experienced 2 percent
lower EPS compared with their competition during that same
time period.ix
MANAGERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LOW ENGAGEMENT

To account for why employee engagement is so low, the key source
of this was suggested by the article entitled “Why Great Managers
Are So Rare”:
Managers account for at least 70 percent of variance in employee

engagement scores across business units, Gallup estimates.
This variation is in turn responsible for severely low worldwide
employee engagement.
Gallup has measured the engagement of 27 million employees

and more than 2.5 million work units over the past two decades.
No matter the industry, size or location, we find executives
struggling to unlock the mystery of why performance varies
from one workgroup to the next…
Gallup has discovered links between employee engagement...

and … higher profitability, productivity and quality (fewer
defects); lower turnover; less absenteeism and shrinkage (i.e.,
theft); and fewer safety incidents. When a company raises
employee engagement levels consistently across every business
unit, everything gets better.
How is employee engagement raised? More than other factors:

To make this happen, companies should systematically demand
that every team in their workforce have a great manager. After
all, the root of performance variability lies within human nature
itself. Teams are composed of individuals with diverging needs
related to morale, motivation and clarity — all of which lead
to varying degrees of performance. Nothing less than great
managers can maximize them.
This is where the coaching revolution becomes necessary.

Organizations badly need a breed of leaders who, more than
knowing product, systems, logistics and sales, have a functional
insight into the dynamic variability of human nature at work.
In a workshop I conducted with leaders, a manager

shared:
“People have to understand that work is just
work, and I will not allow emotion to mix with
work. If they have problems, then I suggest they
keep it out of work so they can focus on the task in
front of them.”
This is an example of how people are emaciated at work, how an

essential part of being human is suppressed because the manager
above them has high technical skills but very low emotional
intelligence. To be sure, the manager’s intent is positive — to get
results done. But at what price? This can be an example of modern
day emotional concentration camps that employees are subjected
to. No wonder they can’t wait to be away from work at the next
available opportunity. More than that, the manager missed an
essential element of human performance — that emotion is an

integral part of motivation. No emotion, no motivation.
That’s why I present coaching as a necessary revolution of the

heart, mind and neurology of the leader. Unless the leader learns
to engage the totality of the person at work, then the excluded
parts of the person will be alienated. Disengagement ensues,
followed by disruption and the eventual falling out.
In case some managers are still trying to wiggle their way out
of the need to become good coaches, Harvard Business Review’s
online article minced no words: “You cannot be a great manager if
you are not a good coach.”x
It is not an uprising to be won The manager missed an

overnight but a rebellion to essential element of
be fought through lifetimes. human performance — that
Like true revolutions, the emotion is an integral part
despot is toppled from of motivation. No emotion,
within. no motivation.
WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE
Turnovers are at an all-time high nowadays. I would imagine that

during exit interviews, employees who just want out of a company
and not ruffle the feathers of former employers would mention
politically acceptable reasons like: “There‘s another offer closer
to home,” or “I need to rest,” or “I‘m applying for a job that will
upgrade my skills for overseas migration,” or “I need to take care
of my sick mother‘s dog.” But when interviewed by a third party,
the top seven reasons that come out are raw and jarring.
In the book The 7 Reasons Why Employees Leave Organizations,

almost all items there pointed to the lack of activities that can be
included in coaching, with no. 3 reason as not so subtle: “lack of
coaching or feedback.”
The other reasons are failed Seven Hidden Reasons

expectations or wrong fit Employees Leave
with what the job requires. Companies
1. The job or workplace was
Wrong fit happens when not as expected
the boss was not coached 2. There‘s a mismatch
to articulate what the job between the person and
exactly entails, so he just the job.
provides a vague idea to the 3. There‘s not enough
new employee. feedback or coaching.
4. There are “too few
The other reasons: No clear growth and advancement
career path and loss of trust opportunities.”
in leaders can be both directly 5. Employees feel
addressed by coaching. “devalued and
unrecognized.”
The other danger of not 6. Employees suffer “stress
addressing these factors from overwork and work-
is when people still feel life imbalance.”
demotivated but will not or 7. There‘s a loss of trust in
cannot leave the company leaders.
for one reason or another.
Some might be workers who used to be effective, but when the job
requirement shifted, they are no longer useful and are just assigned
menial tasks, especially when they cannot be fired. People who
want work that provides tenure, or a secure place from which they
can retire with benefits are prevalent in our country. These people
tend to drag their feet to work, do the minimum required to stay

below the radar of scrutiny, and not be expected to take initiative
or introduce the potential innovations that are now required of a
constantly learning organization.
Here is a key observation on blocks that hinder good performance

at work:
MOST BLOCKS TO WORK PERFORMANCE
…have nothing to do with work
When we coach people at work to improve their performance,

they invariably end up identifying blocks that have nothing to do
with work.
In many of my coaching sessions, some of the blocks stretch

back to 15 or 20 years in the past that, in the coachee’s mind, are
somehow connected to a more recent experience.
If a leader is to coach well, he needs to have an arsenal of tools

that can address personal concerns, especially those that are
emotional in nature, over a brief period of time. If it used to take
me hours to coach a person through his concerns, now it may only
take minutes because of the precision tools of the Meta-Coaching
system.
Without emotional literacy or quotient, the leader will be

blindsided by issues the coachee faces. If a manager does not
know how to facilitate his people in finding their own solutions,
he becomes their problem, sooner or later (if he wasn’t already).
The great news is that with the NLP and Neuro-Semantics

technologies, Meta-Coaching provides the coach a robust set of
solution tools or patterns to address some of the nastiest blocks
that can stunt a person‘s performance.
CAN YOU AFFORD TO WASTE PRECIOUS TALENTS?
Firing people should be the last resort of any self-respecting

company, except when doing strategic retrenching or downsizing.
The calculations of firing and replacing an employee is staggering
and expensive, especially as the role becomes more critical. But
if managers do not know any better, then this becomes the most
convenient recourse. Let me illustrate it with this famous story:
WHEN YOU THINK OF NBA, WHO COMES TO MIND?
Most would say Jordan or Kobe, or Jaworski (if you are a Pinoy PBA
diehard from the ‘70s).
Very few would mention Steve Nash, although in

my many workshops, at least one or two of the
participants would recognize him.
Steve Nash is not your larger-than-life superstar

player with big-sized commercials. But he has his
own claim to fame which, when put together, is impressive:
p 2× NBA MVP (2005, 2006)

p 8× NBA All-Star (2002–03, 2005–08, 2010, 2012)
p 3× All-NBA 1st Team (2005–07)
p 2× All-NBA 2nd Team (2008, 2010)
p 2× All-NBA 3rd Team (2002–03)
p 2× Skills Challenge Champion (2005, 2010)

p JW Kennedy Citizenship Award (2007)
p Lou Marsh Trophy (2004)
p 3× Lionel Conacher Award (2002, 2005–06)
p Order of Canada Award (2007)
p TIME 100 Most Influential People in the World (2006)
There was an incident in 2004 while ending his contract with

Dallas Mavericks. He negotiated with the team’s celebrity owner
Mark Cuban for a $12M-per-year deal to match an offer of
another team, but Cuban would only give him $10.5M. Cuban,
however, was paying other players up to $16M. Because of this
deadlock, Steve left for the Phoenix Suns, where he became the
league MVP twice.
When asked later, Cuban said that upon consultation with

his advisers, they all told him that as disciplined as Steve
Nash was, he was waning in years and not worth investing
in anymore. “I and everyone thought that sooner or later he
would fall apart.”
As it turned out, he did not fall apart. In fact, he moved on to

become league MVP not once but twice!
Mark Cuban had to eat his words. “He proved us wrong — more
power to him!”
In an interview with David Letterman, Cuban pondered:
“You know, Steve was a great guy and all, but why couldn‘t he
play like an MVP for us?”xi
This is the painful question that, though they hate to admit it,
have perplexed many a leader, boss, manager, parent or business

owner when they think about someone who underperformed
while with them, and moved on to be a star somewhere else. The
tragedy of it is that they start out with you but become stars with
the competitors.
What is tragic for Mark Cuban is that more than 70 percent of the
awards and distinctions given to Steve Nash took place after and
not before 2004. So clearly Steve was just peaking and far from
waning in his career when Cuban junked him.
THE LAW OF THE LID
How can managers avoid this debacle of missing the gem in their
members?
More than 10 years ago, Dr. John Maxwell spoke of the Law of the
Lid, referring to the leader‘s level of confidence and empowerment
that keeps his people from going higher in performance.
BEWARE OF THE “CUBAN BLIND-SIDED” MANAGERS
The problem is that many leaders, focused on task and results,

mainly regard people with a technical lens and measure their
people’s ability only according to competency and track record.
While there is certain merit to this, it is limited and loses the point.
This sentiment was succinctly expressed by an

American vice president of a multinational firm
doing a project mostly with chemical engineers
from 10 countries, who were perplexed by how
to lead and motivate Filipinos: “We spent most
of our earlier lives trying to become engineers, so we didn’t have

to deal with people, but now we find ourselves having to lead
people on a daily basis!”
For an Illustration of how a technically inclined executive can

disempower people, see the Addendum for “Coaching a Dictator
for Succession Planning,” page 241.
THE PROBLEM CUTS BOTH WAYS
The problem of demotivation cuts both ways. More experienced

professionals, threatened by young creative minds, are
demotivated as well. The manager needs to know how to coach
the more experienced ones, as well to take on more empowering
roles. If they can also be trained to expand their expertise and
rechannel sense of fulfillment to empowering others through
coaching, that would be a great benefit to enabling younger blood.
7. The Coaching Difference for

Leaders
Interaction with a fellow human being, especially one who can
understand what you’re going through and direct your awareness to
the solutions you can use, is a powerful approach to self-help.
– Haider Al-Mosawi
I
n 2003, Harvard Business review noted that coaching
is the least used leadership style that makes the greatest
difference.
Emotional Intelligence expert Daniel Goleman noted that:
Of the six [leadership] styles, our research found that the

coaching style is used least often. Many leaders told us they
don’t have the time in this high-pressure economy for the slow
and tedious work… Leaders who ignore this style are passing
up a powerful tool: Its impact on climate and performance are
markedly positive.xii
This line has haunted me through the years as I consulted with and
trained multi-sectoral leaders, especially in the corporate world.
Thousands of business owners, managers and HR heads who ask
us for workshops all seek the Holy Grail that can motivate their
people to increase performance in a sustainable way.
In response, we have given workshops on teambuilding, leadership

and supervisory, creative problem-solving and decision-making,
personality and image enhancement, strategic planning, vision
and mission, values, personal mastery, change management,
86 The Coaching Difference for Leaders
stress management, among others. They work, but only to some

degree. Why? F. Turner, PhD noted that,
“…managers (31) that underwent a managerial training program

showed an increased productivity of 22.4 percent. However, a
second group was provided coaching following the training
process and their productivity increased by 88 percent. Research
does demonstrate that one-on-one executive coaching is of
value.”xiii
If managers have the coaching skill, they can facilitate a four-fold

increase in employee performance after a training investment by
coaching them to apply what is learned back at work. Without
coaching, the lessons learned will just be set aside while the
employee goes back to fire-fighting whatever problems he shelved
while in training. According to Change Guru Dr. John Kotter,
after the initial stretch of change, people will settle back to their
original position like rubber bands, especially if the change was
uncomfortable.
Coaching done well facilitates the crafting and implementation of

sustainable strategies for applying what is learned in training.
THE CASE FOR LEADERSHIP COACHING
If today‘s churches, companies and organizations want to be

thriving tomorrow, they have an obligation to coach and mentor
the new generation of leaders.
– Wayde Goodall
There are many uses of coaching, but this book focuses on

coaching to develop other leaders. Coaching can be used for
anyone who wants to be coached, even Focus first on

those who are hesitant, as long as they coaching the top
do not resist it tooth and nail. But for the 20 percent of the
time and investment to be well spent by organization.
the organization, we recommend focus
first on coaching the following:
1. The top 20 percent of the organization. By that, I mean the
key players, the key influencers, and those with the highest
potential to grow and contribute to the organization.
2. Those who are leading the middle of the pack, who will be the
next generation to run the organization.
3. Do not leave out those with potential, who might currently
not be holding leadership positions but are promising and can
be accelerated to take on leadership roles in the future.
A NOTE FOR ALPHA-TYPE LEADERS
I was giving a workshop to a global chemical

company with participants from 13 countries
in attendance. The senior vice president, a
Canadian chemical engineer, mentioned that
Filipinos are by far the best team players, with
pleasant disposition, good command of language
and highly service-oriented. But she lamented the fact that
Filipinos in the company rarely asserted themselves, were not as
confident in making decisions, and would rather just implement
than initiate or innovate.
When I thought about her observation, I saw two sides of the coin.
The first side has to do with leaders, many of whom are foreigners,
classified as the alpha-types. They use the direct and driven
approach to get what they want in their in-your-face fashion. In
the process, however, they can marginalize certain people who

appreciate the more subtle approach to communication. I have
noted similar observations from many Filipino executives who
shake their heads at the number of foreign executives coming to
our country who do not have the communication skills to draw
Filipinos out, and would rather just dish out directives in tactless
ways that turn off an otherwise hardworking team player.
The flip side are the Filipino professionals themselves who need to
develop their ability to influence others. While being more assertive
is required, even more effective are the skills of interpersonal
communication — supporting, listening, precision questioning
and giving feedback — all taught by the Meta-Coaching System.
INFLUENCING THE INFLUENCERS
We have been warned by Dr. John Maxwell that leading leaders

is like herding cats because cats
don’t follow. That’s why many The best way to
people with leadership potential influence others is
have been mistaken for rebels by allowing them to
by a less perceptive boss. Bosses influence you.
need to understand that leaders – John Maxwell
will not just take dictation and
implement. They will question the logic of why policies and
practices are in place, and have their own ideas of how things
are done.
This paradox holds true: The best way to influence others is by

allowing them to influence you. That’s why the approach to use
in influencing them is what NLP calls pace, pace, pace, then lead.
This means that the boss first needs to follow the pacing of the
constituents for a period of time before he can lead them to follow

his pace.
COACHING BEYOND MENTORING
One client company wanted us to train retiring

executives to mentor their successors. The default
practice has been for these executives to just
impart their knowledge and experience with
the apprentice in various situations, or what we
call downloading insights and information. This
can leave successors with a lot of data from the superior, but
also with more questions, uncertainties and fears about how
they can handle their own unique situations in the future.
After all, isn‘t it the goal of succession that the next in line be able
to carry out the tasks in the absence of the now retired boss?
KEY QUESTION OF SUCCESSION
How much creative thinking and problem-solving skills was the

boss able to develop in the subordinate? How much belief and self-
confidence did the boss build up within his successor? In the end,
it is a toss-up between the spoon-feeding approach vs. decision-
making skills.
The question for the current leader is: After retirement, while
cruising in the Caribbean, will you still continue to take a desperate
call from a confused subordinate seeking advice?
TROUBLE AT TRANSITION-LAND
This was the question that a then newly-hired senior

vice president asked his bank president and CEO
who had reigned as an autocrat for 12 years. No
one questioned how he ran the company since
he was an expert in the banking system, so all
ideas, initiatives and directions came from the top.
The new SVP described everyone else in the bank as order takers,
just waiting to implement what was cascaded. This system
worked well and grew the bank to the point that its innovations
were even copied by the mother bank, a top institution in the
country.
One time, the SVP asked the CEO how things will be if the
latter was no longer there to dish out orders for the company
to implement. True enough, 12 years after the CEO is gone, the
company struggles to transition into a more empowering kind
of leadership, especially since most of them have not taken
the initiative for over a decade. In the first top management
retreat I facilitated for them, there were strong voices against
empowering their people to think and take initiative, saying that
at the end of the day, all that mattered is for them to deliver
short-term goals and comply with targets.
The tragedy with the autocratic leadership is it also bred vice

presidents and managers who focused merely on being order
takers, and allowed nothing more by way of initiative. No wonder
very few people are engaged at work.
8. Why the Meta-Coaching

System?
When solving a problem, it makes a huge difference whether we
think of wrestling with it or dancing with it… one way can make any
process difficult, unpleasant and arduous, while another description
can make it an exciting adventure.
– Steve Andreas
THE POWER OF THE HOW
W
hile chapter 6 focused on the importance of
the coaching discipline, this chapter zeroes in on the
advantages of using the cutting-edge system known
as Meta-Coaching.
Most leadership gurus inspire, motivate and share principles. I

have benefited much from their inspiration and principles. I was
even privileged to be trained by the master trainer of Covey’s
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and got certified in Dr. John
Maxwell’s course on “Developing the Leaders Around You.” But as
inspiring and instructive as these gurus are, they did not tackle the
brass tacks of the “how.”
How do you conduct a session with your aspiring leader to bring

out the best intention, meaning, strategy and action plan from
him? How do you facilitate the flushing out of the shells of excuses
and self-limiting beliefs, often camouflaged as critical thinking, to
unleash meaningful performance?
Many great leaders possess these empowering traits. But can

they be taught and transferred to those next in line? Can it be
92 Why the Meta-Coaching System?
duplicated so that the same system is passed on to the succeeding

generations?
We turn to local basketball coach Chot Reyes’s

sad observation that while the great coach
Baby Dalupan took many assistants with
him in coaching his teams, in the end, no one
came close to becoming the next Baby Dalupan.
Without a duplicable system to develop other
coaches, we are back to the age of the super heroes, where only a
few can save the day while the rest just depend on them.
WHAT’S UNIQUE ABOUT META-COACHING?xiv
When a Meta-Coach works with you, you won’t get the same things
you might get from many other coaching institutions. Neuro-
Semantic Coaching skills, models and understandings come from
a different place but lead to a different place. It starts with NLP
skills and models and yet it goes
further as it rises up to invite and Most coaching
facilitate new levels of mastery. today operates
without a theoretical
Meta-Coaching has been described or psychological
as Neuro-Linguistic Programming framework. They have
on elevator — following the client’s a grab bag of tricks
ever higher layers of thoughts and but no methodology.
meanings.
If you don’t know, then it might surprise you to realize that most
coaching today operates without a theoretical or psychological
framework. No cognitive behavioral model governs why the coach
does what he or she does. Most coaches today operate with an
eclectic range of techniques, processes, homework, charts and

patterns. They have a grab bag of tricks but no methodology. Those
who have some methodology have no theoretical framework.
If you were to ask why the coach chose a certain technique over
another, and how he or she decided on that one with a particular
client, you would not be given explanation. Instead you will get, “I
do it by intuition. It just felt right.” We call that the Fudge Factor.
I was running a public overview on coaching with

another consulting firm that also had certified
coaches from another institute. While I
focused on teaching the framework of Meta-
Coaching and demonstrated an actual coaching
session, they were more concerned about having
participants dance around and work with picture cards. I didn’t
realize it then, but now it dawned on me that without a clear
framework, coaches tend to resort to bags of tricks that might
entertain and wow others, but sadly do not get to the heart of
how coaching should serve the client’s highest intention.
A DUPLICABLE SYSTEM
The power of Meta-Coaching is in its duplicable system. When the

rubber meets the road, this is the process that can be taught step
by step, to instill in leaders the capacity to raise other leaders in
the purest empowering way possible.
In a limited analogy, Meta-Coaching is to leadership development

what Starbucks is to the café experience. Palpable Quality.
Duplicable System. Refreshingly Personal.
All around the world there are over two thousand Meta-Coaches,
though in the Philippines, there are only 15 to date.
This book tells the story of how a manager or leader can add a
layer of the coaching method to his current kit or arsenal of
management tools, and why he needs to do it.
Might the lack of coaching be the reason some leaders fail to keep
their people?
In no uncertain terms, Harvard Business Review answers this

question with an article entitled: “You cannot be a great manager
if you are not a good coach.”xv
ONLY PERFECT PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT,

SO BENCHMARK!
This standout feature of Meta-Coaching cannot be merely told nor

written about in books, but let me just say it this way: benchmark
practices.
Every single opportunity to practice the Meta-Coaching discipline

advances our skill in coaching.
That‘s why we benchmark the practices. Which means that while

one is coaching another, a third person, or meta-person, evaluates
and gives feedback on the coaching.
Because practice without evaluating and improving quality makes

the wrong skill permanent.
I have met body builders who are buffed, but upon closer
examination are disproportioned, probably because no one
monitored how they were lifting. So one arm was bigger than
the other and the legs were too skinny for the beefy torso.
Only perfect practice makes perfect, and benchmarking makes

this possible.
BENCHMARKING THE INTANGIBLES
Benchmarking is one of the key elements that set Meta-Coaching

eons apart from other coaching systems. This is what allowed
me to scale up my ability to display the necessary behaviors of a
Meta-Coach in session. This is also what gave me the confidence
to know, in no uncertain terms, that I was practicing the requisite
coaching skills in front of a client. The benchmarking session then
measured the effectiveness with which I was able to process the
client’s intentions and facilitated his achieving them.
The challenge with evaluating the qualities of people in the

workplace is that many of the qualities we want them to possess
are intangibles, like if you want to know how committed they
are to the company vision and direction. How do you measure
commitment?
One manager of a top manufacturing firm

approached me and complained that he
has difficulty with employees who receive
instruction on a task, say yes to it, and end
up falling short of what the task requires. “They
simply do not listen enough, that’s why they end up
messing up the work! And what frustrates me is they look like
they were listening. When I ask them if they got it, they claimed
they did, but still end up going ahead and doing something else!”
So how do we know that people listen to us? This is one of the

tasks Dr. Hall took on when he identified listening as one of the key
coaching skills. In fact, he wrote a groundbreaking book entitled
Benchmarking Intangibles: The Art of Measuring Quality after he
observed that most books written on benchmarking were about
benchmarking tangible things, like systems, processes, pricing,
cost, materials, and so on.
It is crucial for a coach to listen intently to what the client is

communicating, every single second. Dr. Hall and his team
identified nine sub-skills for listening, and listed seven non-skills
which, when displayed, indicate that the person was not listening
as much as he should. They then put the sub-skills on a scale to
determine how high the listening skill level of one person is, or
how badly he fails to listen.
PRIMER TO THE META-COACHING SYSTEM
Meta-Coaching system is quite new in the country, but has

already made a lasting impact on the leaders that have
experienced it. The system was co-created by Dr. L. Michael
Hall, a psychotherapist, prolific writer of at least 50 books and
a “who’s who” in the field of the new wave of Neuro-Linguistic
Programing. What impressed me about this system was that
prior to getting certified, I had very little confidence and skill
in coaching others. In a matter of six months since I started
training and became certified, I had enough skills and training
to coach anyone who wanted to be coached.
Before Meta-Coaching, I was like the majority of coaches in the

country who are self-certified, or certified by organizations that
were self-certified.
Can one be a performance coach without being trained and

certified by a credible coaching association?
Certainly. There are tens of thousands of coaches who are not

officially certified. Note that the quality of your certification
process determines the effectiveness of your craft.
SYNERGY OF MEANING TO PERFORMANCE
Most people look at boxing as a physical competition, but it’s

mostly a mental battle. When a fighter steps between the ropes,
he carries everything into the ring with him, and if his mind
doesn’t follow, neither does his heart.
From the movie Manny (Pacquiao)
Fig. 6. Meaning to Performance Matrix

This meaningful performance is the single most important

contribution of Meta-Coaching to the coaching discipline.
For every skill displayed, there exists a synergy of the outer game
(or visible, measurable behavior – X-axis of Performance) and the
inner game (or the unseen thoughts, emotions of the person, as
represented by the Y-axis of Meaning).
Movies have depicted our deep fantasies about people who can
hear other people’s thoughts like What Women Want and The
Listener, and more recently, the new I-Zombie series. It is the
lifelong dream of leaders to hear the secret thoughts of their
team members.
We have long understood that what we call the “inner game” is

the key to what’s really going on that will determine whether a
person will succeed or not.
When asked about his strategy after the a big loss, Pacquiao was
heard, on more than one occasion, to say, “Forget about that
[previous] big knockout loss…”xvi
His main answer was not about ensuring a wicked barrage of

punches or a more dazzling footwork. His answer had to do with
managing the inner game, the layer of meanings in the mind,
rather than the outer game or one’s skills.
SECRET TO MASTERY
This quote from Dr. Michael Hall in his book The User‘s Manual for
the Brain provides the reason I ventured into the field of Meta-
Coaching even in the later stage of my life. Michael is a master no
doubt, but so can I be, and so can you, if we understand the true
meaning of the word “mastery.”
BECOMING MASTERFUL
We want to be crystal-clear… that a master in any field does not
“know it all.” Not at all. Masters are masters precisely because they
recognize that they do not know it all and so become explorers of
what they don’t know. What they don’t know excites them and
triggers them to curiously explore.
Becoming a true
They become masters because they
master means
are forever learning, discovering,
becoming a perpetual
practicing, experimenting, finding
learner… The arrogant
out the edges of the maps and
know-it-alls never get
patterns, and looking at this from
there.
a learner’s point of view. Becoming
– Dr. Michael Hall
a true master means becoming
a perpetual learner. That’s why it
takes humility to become truly masterful. The arrogant know-
it-alls never get there: They spend their energies on creating,
maintaining and defending a know-it-all image.xvii
A Meta-Coach is also like a curious CSI agent, always on the

lookout for a key insight that can become a resource the client can
use to overcome the blocks that get in the way of achievement
and mastery.
This search is undertaken in the context of a highly engaging

conversation that the client finds worthwhile. He feels safe and
cared for by the coach who will not let up. As long as the client
is willing, the coach is determined to challenge him to explore
solutions, strategies and resources that he wants to pursue.
100
D. BREATHE
Qualities of a
World-Class Coach
Some Coaching
Presuppositions
It’s the Meta-States,
St@p#d!
Coaching Troubling Emotions
102
9. Qualities of a World-Class
Coach
BEWARE of THE PSEUDO COACHES!
A
nyone can coach. It is like parenting. The moment
you have the physical apparatus and a partner with
complementary apparatus, you can parent. But we know
there are parents and there are parents. Parenting is one area
where success or failure in the quality of parenting can spell the
difference between heaven and hell in the life of a child.
There are many coaches in the country that are either self-certified
or certified by self-certified organizations. I was once trained in
coaching by a self-certified consulting firm. Eventually that firm
self-destructed when the bosses fell apart.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN CREDIBLE LEADERSHIP COACHES
Check out this list when you interview coaches:

p Do they have a clear theoretical and psychological framework
and tested methodology for coaching?
p Are they trained and certified by an international coaching
body?
p Do they follow coaching patterns that can be evaluated by
a clear set of sensory-based benchmarks modeled after the
practice of the best coaches in the world?
p Do they belong to an active international and local coaching
community that allows them to regularly practice and
benchmark each other in order to improve their craft?
p Do they have access to regular coaching by internationally
certified coaches themselves?
104 Qualities of a World-Class Coach
p Can they demonstrate their coaching skills right away?

p Can they demonstrate measurable breakthrough in the
client?
p Do they ascribe to ethical coaching standards?
p Can they practice pure coaching — no advice giving, no
criticism, no mind-reading, no interpretation, no stories, no
suggestions, no leading questions?
p Do they offer a tried and tested array of solution sets or
patterns to address various human issues and problems in
simple yet effective ways?
p Do they regularly upgrade their skills through formal training
by a community of masters in the field?
p Do they have a track record of a successful coaching practice
that credible clients can attest to?
Why is an international certification important? There are a host

of reasons, but now more than ever, as explained in the advent
of the ASEAN integration, as the business world is becoming a
global village, coaches need to employ tools that are useful across
cultures. So if the training and accrediting body of the coaching
system is not international, then there is no way to test the efficacy
of the system.
COACHING COMMUNITIES SHARPEN COACHING SKILLS
Crucial to the ongoing development of coaches are coaching

communities that uphold and practice the standards of the
discipline and are able to benchmark these skills during practice.
Without this community of coaches constantly sharpening each
other, the coaching muscles will atrophy and the skills will stagnate
or deteriorate. Here, the saying “practice makes permanent” holds
true. If a coach is practicing the wrong things regularly without
quality control, then the mistakes become permanent.
That’s why the International Society of Neuro-Semantics (ISNS)

set up the Meta-Coaching Foundation chapters for countries to
provide for this ongoing development of coaching skills.
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH PURE COACHING?
Probably my best quality as a coach is that I ask a lot of challenging

questions and let the person come up with the answer.
– Phil Dixon
This is the crux of Meta-Coaching. It presents the purest,

unadulterated form of coaching known to man. It’s up there with
the extra virgin oils that are sought after for their painstakingly
pure process and health benefits. In contrast, I’ve seen supposedly
world-class coaching instructional videos by master coaches from
other certifying organizations that still do a lot of adulterated
coaching.
Why bother about pure? Why deprive the leader of the skills he
has known so well for years, and has benefited from his mentors:
advising, sharing wisdom, instructing, suggesting, telling, leading
questions, criticizing, story-telling?
If you really want to know, then make sure you have the stomach
for it. The next time you tell a story or give advice or suggestions
to your people, tell them you want to get honest feedback to help
you improve as a boss, that you will take no less than the truth
from them, and that whatever they say will not be taken against
them in any way. Then manage your emotion to mean it. And
when you are ready for some reality check, ask them the following
questions:
1. Who among you really found my suggestion/story/

advice useful?
2. In what way was it useful? In what way was it not?
3. Do you plan to apply or follow it? Why or why not?
4. What steps are you taking to actually apply it? Or not?
5. In general, how many of my suggestions/advice have you
been able to actually apply?
6. What were the results, if any?
7. How would you want me to relate with you other
than the usual telling, advising, suggesting, criticizing,
admonishing?
ADVICE-GIVING AS OVERRATED
I‘m surprised that world-class coaches consider advice-giving as

low-quality conversation.xviii When I was teaching Theology of
Marriage at the university, I focused on giving advice to students
when they came with questions and woes about their lives and
relationships.
At that time, our popular solutions for people with

problems were Joe D’ Mango and Love Letters
with Helen Vela, Kuya Eddie, Coney Reyes
Mumar Drama studioxix, all of which always
culminated with advice-giving, oftentimes by a
panel of experts. I even did my bit of counseling as
guest in radio programs like Mystery M and Boots Talk!
I have no right to slam advice-giving since it has been the world‘s

staple, and I myself have benefitted much from advice given to me
through the years.
However, just because advice is easy to give and in abundant

supply, it doesn‘t mean it is the only way to help people out of
their problems. For sure there are other ways. But advice can be
counter-productive if given without knowing the full context of
the problem.
At the end of a coaching practice session during a

workshop I conducted, one participant, without
being asked, quickly launched into giving
advice to the coachee on what to do with his
Internet shop that was not earning so well.
After the advice was given, I asked the coachee how he felt about
the advice. He hesitated, then said, “Negative, sir!” I said, “Let me
clarify: Was there any value to the advice just given?” “Actually
none,” he replied.
This is what happens with many of the advice thrown liberally

around, many of them unfortunately unsolicited.
There are also instances where advice-giving will have unintended

negative consequences:
1. The advice might not be applicable to the person
receiving it.
2. The person was not expecting the advice.
3. The person did not appreciate how the advice was given.
4. The person feels pressured to apply it.
5. The person tried the advice but it did not work.
6. The person wanted the advice in order to reduce his
accountability to find his own solutions.
Another lady I coached sighed after the session: “It’s a relief —

this is the first time in the last five years that I have spoken with
someone without hearing any advice on this problem!”
TOUGH TO COACH ADVICE-SEEKERS
On the other hand, it‘s tough to coach someone who just needs
advice.
This happened when a newly-hired HR manager

asked to meet us in order to get ideas on how
to transform her dysfunctional organization.
I tried to ask questions in order to surface her
goals, concerns, strategies and action plans. But
she was too impatient and just wanted to hear our
advice on what to do, with our decades of experience in helping
leaders motivate people to perform better. When there was no
more time left, we turned to advising — first me, then my wife,
who had been taking notes all along. At first, I thought it was
better for this person to get advice. However, I noticed that half of
the things my wife advised, this leader said she had already tried
or did. For the remaining part she did not look that convinced
and she left with still no clarity on how to do it.
Some insights I got from that experience:

1. She was not in the full state of learning or receptivity
which made coaching impossible. She just wanted
answers. Wanting to learn and wanting answers are two
different states. The former appreciates the journey,
no matter how challenging or arduous. The latter just
wants the destination without paying the price for it.
2. She was in a hurry to get tips that would solve her

problems immediately, a stance which is usually counter-
productive, given the complexity of her problem.
3. She showed a lack of experience, even patience, for
facilitating the process of people development.
4. She was not ready for a third-party intervention with
her people, even if she was already part of the system,
or worse, identified with management. A third party
becomes crucial to restoring harmony in a polarized
organization, unless the one facilitating from the inside
is able to convince everyone that she is not taking any
side and will work for win-win for all at all times.
As I look back on that conversation, I was more convinced that

advice was the last thing she needed. This penchant for getting
quick tips and easy answers and formulas is what trips many a
leader.
Leaders need to embrace the fact that people are complex, and
no less than devotion to studying and learning the intricacies of
how the mind and emotion work will be required if anyone is to
be an effective leader. This is why the discipline of Meta-Coaching
becomes so crucial in providing tools and skills to help the leader
move others to see beyond their current positions and work
together for the common good.
THE FOUR TASKS OF A LEADER
The Coaching Mastery Manual for Meta-Coaching Certification lists

down the qualities of a Meta-Coach. I have organized them here
according to what has been identified as the four tasks of the
leader, namely:
1. Nurture One’s Personal Growth

2. Sustain Interpersonal Relationships
3. Develop Other Leaders
4. Enhance Productivity
These four tasks form a continuum. The earlier tasks are a

prerequisite to the latter tasks, like steps on the stairs. The lower
steps are never dispensed with as one goes higher, which means
that the leader needs to continue practicing them even as he does
the higher tasks.
As a leader develops other leaders, he must continue to sustain

good relationhips with them. All of that are grounded on a healthy
relationship with his own self.
The diagram on the page 112 lists all of the qualities of a effective
coach. Ask yourself which qualities are already yours at a high
level. Then identify the qualities that are low. Note that all these
qualities can be learned and are coachable.
I will not expound on all the qualities, but just comment on one
quality per task:
1.) Resilient (no.11) – able to bounce back. This is summarized
well by the NLP Presupposition: “There is no failure, only
feedback.” I find this relevant in two areas:
a. When I coach during times that I am going through my
own challenges, I must learn how to bracket that and
focus fully on the client.
b. When a coaching session does not go as planned or
breaks down, I must not take this personally. Instead, I
must learn from the experience and quickly strategize
to do things differently to ensure greater success on
the next endeavor. This can even happen when making

on-the-fly adjustments with the coachee during the
session.
2.) Flexibility in adjusting to the client (no.4) – Coaching
is a dance, and the more graceful the partners sway to
each other’s rhythm, the better. It begins with the coach
allowing the client to lead as the coach paces him. Then
once the coach gets the client’s rhythm and the client
is comfortable with the exchange, the coach can then
lead the client towards the latter’s goal. Throughout the
session, the coach never loses flexibility. That is, he will
never force the content and goal of the client. This is the
supporting skill of coaching.
3.) Belief that people have the resources and the answers
(no.13) – This is the bedrock of coaching. The moment this
belief is lost, even for a moment, then the coach begins to
resort to advising, teaching, criticizing, mentoring, story-
telling.
4.) Diagnose issues and find solutions (no.9) – The coach
never gets hooked in the story of the client, especially why
the client is stuck and unable to move on. His state and
intention is to be solution-focused. He will surface the
issues only with a view to facilitating workable solutions.
Fig. 7. Qualities of an Effective Coach

10. What Can Sabotage Your

Coaching?
T
he same manual that listed the qualities also listed
the factors that can undermine the coach’s effectiveness.
Fig. 8. Coaching Sabotages
The coaching assessment forms are found at the Addendum at the

back of the book.
114
While most items are easy to undertand, I will provide comment

on a few:
1. The need to be in control, be in charge – This is why you
cannot coach without removing the hat of a manager. The
expertise gets in the way.
2. Insecurity in self and skills – This sense of insecurity will
distract you from fully being present to the client.
3. Rigid-inflexible – Try dancing the way you’ve always
wanted to while holding the client’s hand. He might
accommodate you for a bit, but after a while it will become
painful.
4. Trying to look good to self and others – It’s never about
the coach. The only one who should look good is the client.
5. Fear of conflict, confrontation – If done in a supporting
way, the coach will need to confront the client in a timely
and appropriate manner, especially when the client begins
to self-sabotage.
6. Prejudice – There is no place for prejudice in coaching.It’s
a map that needs to be removed immediately.
7. All the items under task 3: Develop other leaders [the
need to be right, readiness to judge, confuse coaching
with training] – are the hardest to unlearn in coaching.
They are like landmines on the path to success. Get rid of
them as soon as you can.
8. Lack of uptime being lost in your own thoughts –
Daydreaming has no place in coaching. Every second you
spend not paying attention to the client can be a lost
opportunity.
9. Operate from scarcity – If you believe the client has all
the resources, you cannot believe the opposite.
10. Impatient – It’s not your time, but rather the client’s time.
11. Some Coaching

Presuppositions
A people that values its privileges above its principles
soon loses both. – Dwight D. Eisenhower
B
efore we get into the how of the coaching process,
let’s visit one more foundational aspect of communication
– the NLP/Neuro-Semantics Presuppositions. Be careful,
because this will turn what you know about communication on its
head, and hopefully right side up!
NLP/Neuro-Semantics has a number of presuppositions or

guidelines in understanding the inner workings of a person or how
he communicates. In coaching, we relate with our clients, believing
these factors to be true about them.
These presuppositions form an important basis for how the

coach can reframe the way a client thinks and communicates.
The benefits of applying these presuppositions can almost be
immediate.
Oftentimes, these presuppositions set up the magic experience of

coaching. I have seen them work wonderfully to frame how people
think. Mentioning them has oftentimes reenergized people who
would otherwise be mentally stuck.
For example:
• My favorite line during teambuilding challenges is
“There is no failure, only feedback,” after which, rather
than losing heart, the defeated team actually becomes
more receptive in understanding the factors that caused
116 Some Coaching Presuppositions
them to lose and what they can change to improve their

process.
• And my all-time favorite, “the map is not the territory,”
has averted many an otherwise full-scale, all-out war
between my wife and me. When we remind each other
that the argument is all about perspectives, we can
choose to respect, appreciate and synthesize or change,
and that neither of us has a full grasp of reality since we
have both filtered them in our own way.
I am going to discuss the ones I find most useful.
THE MAP IS NOT THE TERRITORY (IT merely REPRESENTS)
“Most men, when they think they are thinking, are merely
rearranging their prejudices.” – Knute Rockne
This presupposition is the bedrock of the Meta-Coaching discipline.
One of my workshop participants was struck by what I said,

which he quoted: “Imagine a life where you make no judgments
about anyone.”
The presupposition, “The map is not the territory,” was largely

responsible for that approach.
This quote was attributed to Alfred Korsybski in the 1930s, who

argued that,
“Human knowledge of the world is limited both by the human

nervous system and the languages humans have developed,
and, thus, no one can have direct access to reality, given that the
most we can know is that which is filtered through the brain‘s

responses to reality.”xx
WHAT IS A MAP?xxi Fig. 9. The Map Is Not the Territory xxii
A map is how each of us

sees ourselves, others
and the world. In the
‘80s, Stephen Covey
popularized the term
paradigm. It can also be
worldview or perspective.
In other words, like real
maps, mental maps are
our internal pictures or
representations of the
world we see outside. Like
caricatures, some people
can picture authority
figures, like bosses and teachers, as having twisted horns and
fangs, or ex-girlfriends as witches. These are just examples, but
apparently each of us has a unique representation of different
realities we see outside of us.
THE VALUE OF MENTAL MAPS

Mental maps are our guides to help us relate effectively with
others and with the world. Oftentimes they do help us. That is why
after office every day, I do not need to stand outside the building
and figure out which way is home. My mental map of where
home is makes it automatic for me get in the car and drive almost
without thinking about it. That is why I do not have to wake up
in shock every morning trying to figure out who is the beautiful
lady sleeping soundly beside me. Apparently, some men have this
problem but that is a different story.
At the arrival area, when I am about to meet my

host in another country for the first time, I will be
guided by a mental map he provided me earlier.
Before leaving home to pick me up, the host
sent me a picture of himself as a bearded long-
haired man of slight built (around 5‘8”), wearing a
light green shirt and a brown cap.
But, if on the way to the airport, my host decides to get a crew

cut and a shave because the next day he was to be drafted into
emergency military service, and accidentally spills coffee on his
cap and shirt, forcing him to change, then my map becomes
outdated. I might lose him in the crowd, unless he provides me
new information to update my map about him.
What‘s cool about this is that we usually relate to others not

according to the reality out there but according to our internal
maps about it.
Another way to say it is, “The menu is not the meal.”
When you enter a restaurant, you behold a giant

poster of a luscious burger with thick charbroiled
tender juicy meat layered with fresh cucumber,
red tomato slices and dark green lettuce!
You order without a second thought. But what they

serve you looks like a lump of wrinkled pale buns with barely
visible meat and stale greens that may have been flattened by
an elephant.
In a few seconds, excitement turns into utter disappointment!
The map or the menu is akin to our expectations, and the territory
or meal is the reality.
THE MAP AND EMOTIONS

Emotions is a topic that requires another book, but let this suffice
for now: Emotion is the difference between our expectation and
reality.
If what we expect is higher

than what we experience,
then our emotion is what
we regard as negative. On
the other hand, if what
we expect is less than the
reality outside, then we
are surprised, delighted
and grateful.
Fig. 10: Emotion: Gap Between Expectation and
Reality
Be warned by this quote
attributed to Shakespeare: “Expectation is the root of all
heartache.”
Resolving negative emotions has to do with either changing

the reality outside to fit your expectation, or changing your
expectation. This is why we can say relationships problems can
be resolved by one of the parties.
In slow-motion version, this is how the thinking process looks

like.
HOW THE MIND-EMOTION-BODY PROCESSES EVENTS
This illustration details how the mind processes an event occurring

in the world. The table below explains and provides examples of
the steps, often taking place in seconds.
Fig. 11. How the Mind-Emotion-Body Processes Information
Steps Example of how the mind processes

(1) Starts with an external External event: I see and hear my boss
event. giving a speech to my department
(2) As soon as the Meta-Programs (general/big picture):
external event is perceived Why get into so many useless details?
by the senses, it is almost What’s the point so we can be done with
immediately filtered, that it? [Boss actually made the point in the
is screened, evaluated, first two minutes]
reconfigured, translated Time: Boss’s speeches usually run on and
through the mind’s own on for hours. [Speech actually lasted 20
sifting system. minutes]
Beliefs: People in authority are simply
Shortly after, most details
out to exploit us.
of the event are:
Language: People who don’t speak the
(3) deleted
native tongue don’t love our country.
(4) distorted and
(5) generalized.
(6) So now I create I see a ruthless dictator torturing our

my internal (VAKOG) team with painful technical details while
representation of the his uber-cold shock treatment (aircon
event. vent pointed directly at me) is causing
brain freeze. But I can’t escape as I’m
trapped by a sea of other victims (sitting
in the middle of the room).
(7) Which now determines Tortured, shocked, frozen, paralyzed,
my thinking–feeling state. trapped
(8) and is expressed in my Constant shifting in seat, jitters, looking

physiology. away, muttering curses to oneself,
frowning
(9) further reinforcing my Now becoming more resentful, but also
state, pissed at myself for not catching why the
other “victims” applauded at something
he said. Well, whatever it is, it’s another
ploy to further exploit us.
(10) which is now I can’t take any more of this, so first I will
expressed in behavior. just give a semblance of paying attention
but focus on not supporting his goal, and
then distributing my resumé.
So what should otherwise be a pretty straightforward 20-minute

inspiring event of a boss giving a speech can, in someone’s mind,
be multi-filtered into an oppressive, torturous experience.
In this chapter, I described some of the basic components of an

emotion, how a person represents the world which determines
his emotional state, and then how he behaves in response to the
world.
But wait, there’s more! Beyond a person’s states, there are meta-
states. Knowing and managing one’s meta-states (and that of
your client) is a more definitive source of positive transformation
in your work as a leadership coach. See page 131 and succeeding

pages.
Then, on page 148, I will discuss a coaching pattern that you can
use to help your client deal with troublesome emotions by meta-
stating them.
THE ANATOMY OF A CONFLICT

Conflict is when one imposes his map on another and the other
resists it.
Think about it. Do you have some strong beliefs and convictions
that got you into conflict with another person?
Is it really a conflict of principles, about some truth out there, or

was it just about a clash of strong and even stubborn maps?
To answer this question with all honesty, one needs to have the
skill to step back from the situation and see it from the larger
perspective (Meta).
What exacerbates the conflict is that people can be so vested in

their maps, like a bulldog that won’t let go of what it has bitten. It
doesn’t matter whether he is wrong or not, what matters is he just
won’t let go. This is the stuff of arguments that escalate into full-
scale wars. When both sides are so polarized, it’s no longer about
the real issue, but about who wins. In fact, in many wars, people
no longer know what they are fighting for after a while. Only the
fight remains.
We know that there are three sides to an argument: my side, your

side, and the right side. Oftentimes it takes humility and openness
to admit that the right approach might incorporate elements of

both perspectives.
MAPS NEED CONSTANT UPDATING

The thing with maps is that they can be easily outdated.
Like the parent who strongly reminds his daughter that she is
not allowed to go on dates as this is the rule of the household.
To which she protests, “But mom, I am 42!”
Tragically we relate with others based on what we know about

them from eons ago, and this is what they resist. Maps that are
outdated correspond to the fixed mindset, where I have boxed you
to possess certain unchangeable traits and behaviors. This topic
will be discussed a few pages down.
PERCEPTION DEMYSTIFIED
Dozens of studies have revealed that the most logical among us do
fall into errors of judgment, cognitive biases and decision-making
traps. And they happen more regularly than we suppose.
I first learned about this in the work of Philip Zimbardo, PhD, on

judgment and decision making.
In the dozens of workshops I have given on critical thinking in

problem-solving and decision-making, I ask 10 simple common
sense questions. One of these inquires into how logical the
participants think they are. The average answer is 70-80 percent of
the time. But the quiz results show their average score is actually
only 30 percent. So the logical optimism is not supported by the
results.
At least 10 of “The Great Courses” have tackled this subject,

including the training of Prof. Peter M. Vishton on “Understanding
the Secrets of Human Perception.”xxiii
The conclusions are the same: Even in our most logical moments,
human beings are not as accurate in thinking and judgment as we
claim or believe ourselves to be.
LEADER’S TASK: TO EXPAND HIS MAP OF OTHERS

The task of the leader or coach is not to flaunt his map around for
others to embrace, but to constantly expand the mental map he
has constructed about others.
How does he do this?
Physically speaking, Dr. Vishton talks about fixing, replacing and

enhancing the senses in order to augment their limitations, even
defects. Beyond using eyeglasses and binoculars, or other visual
and hearing aids, research has now gone into embedded body
implants to magnify the sensory capacity of persons.
But in leadership and coaching, the approach is through constant

inquiry in a curious, adventurous, interested manner, while not
dogmatically holding on to one’s position.
This is what Dr. Hall identified in his book, Group and Team
Coaching, as one of the hallmarks of strong teams. This involves
a free flow of advocacy on one hand and inquiry on the other.
Members are free to hold a strong stand (advocacy) but respect
the other’s stand be it opposite theirs, and are willing to learn
more about the other’s perspective in order to expand one’s own
(inquiry).
Why adjust? Because the goal of a leader is eventually to influence

others towards aligning with the corporate goal. The work of
influencing is also achieved using another presupposition:
THE MOST FLEXIBLE ELEMENT IN A SYSTEM
… exerts the most influence.

“I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which
is to be flexible at all times.” – Everett Dirksen
This is the great paradox of leadership. Twenty-first century

leaders possess a high level of flexibility to adapt to the different
styles and needs of various employees.
Dr. John Maxwell observed that traditional leaders expect others

to adjust to them, but great leaders are the ones who adjust to
their constituents.
Hershey-Blanchard attempted to map these various levels of

adapting in Situational Leadership, showing that at different
levels of his employee’s development, the leader needs to employ
different leadership approaches. While the stages identified by
this model tend to fall into limiting types, it delivers the message
that people have different leadership needs at different stages of
development and the “one size, fits all” leadership approach will
not cut it.
EVERYONE IS WORKING PERFECTLY
… given the current maps and resources they have.
This presupposition can be difficult to appreciate since most

managers do not see their people as acting perfectly and would

love to see them change for the better.
The qualifying words make all the difference — “given the maps
and resources they have.”
As an example, if the only skill of a manager is to give advice and

directions rather than facilitate others towards coming up with
their own ideas and building consensus, then the leader is working
perfectly, given that capacity.
If the leader’s predominant map is that people can only learn

if they are told and will remember the lesson better if they are
scolded, then his approach will be telling.
But many leaders have been surprised by what people are capable
of when given the chance to figure it out for themselves. In fact,
too often in our teambuilding workshops, when the boss imposes
on the team to solve a challenge his way, he ends up muting the
more useful ideas that were sheepishly suggested by a member
and summarily shelved as they do not align with his. This causes
a prolonged and more painful process of getting the work done.
People begrudgingly comply, especially those who suspect there is
a better way. The result is often a failure.
Another presupposition helps explain this presupposition:
“BEHIND EVERY ACTION IS A POSITIVE INTENT.”
We do what we do because of some benefit the action serves.
Given our current reading of reality, the action we take is the best
one, based on whatever resources we think we have.
A man who does not know how to assert himself will not stand up
to an abuse he suffers from another — that is his perfect response
given his resources. Or if I do not know how to negotiate, then I
will either just give in or muscle my way in a given situation.
The problem therefore lies in what one perceives as his resources

(or lack thereof) and how he maps the situation in his mind. If
the action proves unproductive, then we can coach based on
examining the maps and the resources.
RESISTANCE INDICATES LACK OF RAPPORT
This is key to coaching. Since the goal of coaching is for the client
to trust the coach and the process so he can achieve his desired
state, the worst thing that he can do is resist the coach and the
process. One of the key reasons why the client resists is a broken
rapport between him and the coach. This is why “supporting” is a
key coaching skill.
The Meaning of Your Communication is the

Response You Get
Many leaders get out of a conversation exasperated because their

people are doing the opposite of what they expect.
I was visiting the new senior vice president (SVP)

of a recently opened supply chain department
of a large construction company. I had just
interviewed some of his managers to get
their sentiments on how the new department is
contributing to the organization.
When I told the SVP that a few managing engineers were

unhappy with this new department, especially with how things
had gone worse compared to the old procurement methods they
were used to, he was puzzled and irritated.
“But I already sent memos of this change many times. I even

gave updates on our milestones and improvements. How can
they say we are worse off?”
He intended to communicate progress and improvement, but

some people were experiencing regression and failure.
While this is not the time to dissect the multifaceted nature

of their complex relationship (old order vs. new order), the SVP
learned that just because he sent out memos does not mean
he communicated. This also means he has not effectively
communicated on an individual level with some key managers
who did not yet get the rationale of having a new department.
12. It’s the Meta-States,

St@p#d!
The Meta-States Model could end up becoming known
as the model that ate NLP.
– Graham Dawes, PhD
T
his will be the only part of the book that uses strong
words, and I can just imagine my six-year-old angel of a
daughter censuring me. But this is only to stress a crucial
point. Not knowing the meta-states is the waterloo of people in
relationships.
When I was a Philosophy Major in the late 80s, I was struck by

a concept taught in class about the difference between primary
moment of reflection and secondary moment of reflection, which
I believe came from philosophers like Gabriel Marcel. I vaguely
remember that primary reflection is when I focus on an object or
event out there (like relishing a buffet).
WHAT IS A STATE?
This primary moment is also called

the primary state. A state is defined
as a system of thought-emotion-
motion, the quality of energy that
emanates from a person.
The three components are

interrelated and cannot be
separated except in description and
130 It’s the Meta-States, St@p#d!
language. The pathway of how the components influence and

affect each other was already mapped out on p. 120.
STATE DEPENDENCY
In this world, we are always in one state or another. We never leave

home without our states. There is no stateless person who exists.
We are either happy, sad, bored, excited, desiring, or confused, at
one time or another. And we communicate from state to state, so
states are always in flux, never static, always fluid.
THE PROBLEM WITH STATES
When we are in one state, we find that sometimes the state is

appropriate and helpful to some extent, and at other times it is
counter-productive and unresourceful.
I once coached a sales manager who would recall a scene everytime

he had to present to potential clients. When he was 11 years old,
his stern, critical and abusive grandfather watched his school play
which resulted to his shaking knees and made him forget crucial
lines. Now that he’s 33, the same thought still makes his knees
shake and forget crucial lines!
Or a friend who fills her days and nights with morbid thoughts of
plane crashes whenever she is about to fly, causing her sleepless
nights!
Since most people cannot distinguish between the map and the
territory, they believe that the state is the reality whenever they
are in those unresourceful states. Thus, it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
COACHING TO THE STATES
An effective leader coaches to the client’s states, or whatever he

tries to achieve with the coachee will be merely skimming the
surface.
ENTER THE META-STATES!
Since there is a primary moment, there is also a secondary moment

of reflection. This is when, from focusing on the buffet, I now
“think about myself” reflecting on something out there (“Wow, I
really do enjoy buffets, which is not always a good thing!”).
Using the movie analogy, in the first moment (primary state), the
“camera” is focused on the object I am beholding (tons of food!)
On the second instance, the camera zooms out to capture ME in
the state of beholding what’s out there (“That guy who looks and
acts like me is getting wider!”).
One time I was waiting at the dentist’s office

engrossed in reading a Calvin and Hobbes comic
book. Every now and then, I would crack
up at a funny strip. About 10 minutes into
it, I happened to glance up while laughing and
saw the other patients had been looking at me.
Some were amused while others looked annoyed at the noise
I was making. At that moment, I forgot the book and “saw”
myself looking ridiculous or inconsiderate of the other people
in the room. I was not only aware of my merriment, but also
embarrassed and annoyed by it.
I used secondary reflection to evaluate what I was thinking and

feeling.
Little did I know that in the other part of the world, Dr. Hall was
coming up with the same idea, which he termed states (primary)
and meta-states (secondary or higher).
While I vaguely learned the difference between primary and

secondary reflection, much less know what to do about it, Dr.
Hall’s discovery of the Meta-States, which he presented in his book
of the same title, says that it...xxiv
“…provides a clear and useful presentation of insights into
human nature and how to promote change.”
– John Burton, Ed.D.
Back to my Calvin & Hobbes story. I began to be embarrassed

about merriment, which is strange because I began to feel
“embarrassed merriment.”
As it turns out, the higher layer of emotion changes the texture

of the lower feeling. So how does embarrassed merriment feel
like? It will now depend on the manner in which I bring them
together — or not. If the embarrassment wins out, it will become
annoyance at being embarrassed by the merriment.
But if the person is not aware that this is just a layering of

meta-states, then this will bring confusion and, for some, even
depression.
Let me note that in the higher layers, the focus will be less about
the event out there (people looking at me) as it is now on my
emotions about it. Chances are, it also becomes less about what
is really going on than my interpretation of it.
This is the tragedy of an unmanaged meta-state, because as far

as the person is concerned, the feelings seem real, but actually
aren’t.
Mapped out, it looks like this:
Fig. 12. How Meta-States Work
This diagram maps out the structure of how meanings are built in
the mind of the person. And these meanings then influence how
a person feels and behaves. That’s why in Neuro-Semantics we
say: “We are all meaning makers, and then our meanings make or
unmake us.”
The mapping of meta-states is revolutionary, so much so that

Dennis Chong, M.D., proclaimed:
“In the search for meaning… Michael Hall’s Meta-States is a
most significant and critical contribution. . . In my view, Meta-
States is a book that is best to be a standard for every medical
student, student of psychology, philosophy … and their respective
professional graduates.”
To which Psychologist and Executive Coach Omar Salom agreed:

“This is fantastic, well-grounded in research, and rich and
coherent theoretically. I definitely think that Meta-States
training represents a breakthrough in psychology.”
But why would someone get awarded and commended for a

concept that was already in existence since man began to think?
By analogy, the precursors came up with the idea of a jet-powered

engine. Dr. Michael Hall turned it into a jet plane. Thus, the quote
from sports writer Larry Dawalt:
“Meta-States helps a person to bring it all together. There’s

a difference between knowing what to do to make your life
unstoppable and knowing how to do it. Meta-States provides
the skills to implement a strategy for becoming unstoppable and
helps you take steps immediately to get you moving.”
Because even while I was aware of secondary reflection in college,

all I could do was critique and evaluate my thoughts or feelings.
I had no idea how to manage or transform them into something
useful, focused and productive, much less help others do the same.
Dr. Hall taught about the self-reflexive capacity of a person, or

thought reflecting on itself (a state about our state), which is
described by Kenneth G. Johnson as:
“The self-reflexiveness of language and the human nervous

system makes possible both our noblest and most destructive
potentials.”
Herein lies the potential and the grave danger of meta-states.

The fact that we think about our thoughts, and think about those
thoughts in multiple layers, can result in very powerful layers of
negative thoughts that can cause, in worst cases, depression, even
self-destructive tendencies.
We wonder why someone who was merely teased by another

would end up committing murder, or someone failing his exam
would end up committing suicide. Their responses seem out of
proportion to the event, yet now we know that it is the layers of
thoughts and emotions (meta-states) that blew the event out of
proportion.
QUOTATIONS AND WORDS THAT REVEAL THE HUMAN

EXPERIENCE OF META-STATES:
Before we move to a better appreciation of meta-states, I have

listed down some quotations that point to the experience of
meta-states, where sometimes opposing feelings and states are
brought together like strange bedfellows.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” – Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)

“My anxieties have anxieties.” – Charlie Brown in Peanuts
“Our sweetest songs are those of saddest thought.”

– Percy Bysshe Shelley
“Courage is grace under pressure.” – Ernest Hemingway
“Love your enemies.” – Jesus
“When I‘m good, I‘m very good, but when I‘m bad, I‘m better.”
– Mae West
“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that

you do it.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“It‘s weird not to be weird.” – John Lennon
“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I
know nothing.” – Plato, The Republic
“You are never too old to become younger!” – Mae West
“Life is a preparation for the future; and the best preparation for the
future is to live as if there were none.” – Albert Einstein
“He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.”

– Michel de Montaigne
“Language... has created the word ‘loneliness‘ to express the pain

of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude‘ to express the
glory of being alone.” – Paul Tillich
“A fear of weakness only strengthens weakness.” – Criss Jami, Salomé
META-STATES TAKES NLP TO THE NEXT LEVEL
“The International NLP Trainers Association (INLPTA) awards

Michael Hall for his development of the Meta-States Model,
for the most significant contribution to NLP, 1995.” – Wyatt
Woodsmall, PhD
The more immersed I am in teaching and learning meta-states,

and using the meta-stating patterns in coaching people out of
various problems, the more in awe I am of this model’s capacity
to transform lives. Can you imagine its power to turn a confused,
lost, even depressed individual into a committed, powerful and
confident person in just a few minutes?
META-STATES FOR DUMMIES
So what does knowledge of meta-states do for leaders and

coaches? Michael Hall explains that with the meta-states model,
we can…
… Name and describe the structure of our layered states of mind

and emotion, thereby allowing us to more explicitly detect and
manage the higher states that we experience.
I immediately realized that those states which have always

seemed far too abstract and complex, far too layered with
dozens of thoughts-and-feelings for description, were suddenly
open for description.
Since naming the beast is half the process of taming the beast,
that would make them more manageable, easier to understand,
simpler to explain and, perhaps most important, easier to replicate.
Meta-states would enable all of us to recognize and talk about our
layered states when we feel —
• Impatient about our anger

• Frustrated with our hesitation
• Ashamed of fear
• Joyful about discovering new things
• Excited about developing confidence
and many, many more.
SO WHAT IS A META-STATE?
Meta — Higher, above, beyond, about. A meta-state is a state

above and about a primary state.
Because we can think about our thinking, think about our feelings,
feel about our thoughts, use our physiology in reference to other
thoughts or feelings — this whole maze of thoughts-feelings-and-
physiology (the very components of our states) enable us to create
all kinds and degrees of complexities in our states.
In a meta-state, we move up a level to our second conclusions, and

then to our third generalizations, to our fourth classifications, to
our fifth categorizing, and so on.
With each meta-move of our self-reflexive consciousness, we build

more complex and abstract concepts about our previous thoughts
and feelings.
LEARNING FROM RESILIENCY
The power of meta-states became evident since Hall recognized

it while studying the structure of the resilience of people who
experienced tremendous adversities in life (violence, tragedy,
rape, abuse, rejection, etc.) but still managed to come out of it as
even better people. He noted that mental and emotional strategy
is common to the overcomers.
No wonder then, that in the resilience strategy, there are meta-
responses that a person makes to his or her own meta-responses.
In working with these spiraling thoughts and layers of feelings,
I began wondering, “How can we chart this kind of a dynamic
structure? How can we follow the line of reasoning, to the flow
of our consciousness, as it not only goes out linearly, but reflects
back on itself and can do so repeatedly, layer upon layer?”
It dawned on Hall that resilience does not only contain numerous

pieces in a step-by-step linear fashion, but it also involves ideas
and feelings layered on top of each other. So he asked:
• Does a linear process of thinking-and-emoting accurately
describe this or do I really need to develop a way to track
the circular and systemic thinking that creates layers upon
layers?
• Is the strategy made up of a series of states or are there
states upon states involved?
• If so, what are these higher states? How do they work?
How does a primary state differ from a meta-state?
• Is there a difference between a state and a strategy? Does
resilience function more as a strategy or a state?
• Is there something that transcends state and strategy?
EVALUATING META-STATES
Now you can evaluate your states. Now you can do quality control
on your mind-body system.
To do a quality control on your states, simply ask yourself a variety
of ecology questions:
• Is my current state productive or unproductive?
• Do I find my current state useful or useless?
• Enhancing or unenhancing?
• Empowering or disempowering?
• Does my state feel resourceful or unresourceful?
• Does it make things better or worse?
• Does it put me more in charge of my life or less?
• Does it move me in the direction of my values and principles
or away from them?
As I said earlier, I had a rudimentary idea of stepping back and

evaluating my states and meta-states when I was in college, but I
did not have a consistent system to turn unresourceful or negative
ones into what’s definitively positive, much less do it for others. As
a result, negative emotions tend to linger unnecessarily, and self-
sabotaging also tends to persist.
Thankfully, with the Neuro-Semantic system, a coach can now

facilitate the client to identify and utilize resources to move
to a more resourceful state. One such stellar tool is the Neuro-
Semantic pattern to transform troubling emotion.
13. Coaching Troubling Emotions
N
o coach worth his salt can effectively facilitate
other people’s success without understanding the nature
of emotions.
As a common experience to all, emotion is one of the most

misunderstood and therefore misused of human capacities. When
suppressed, they can cause untold troubles for a person.
For example, while it is not easy to pinpoint the cause of Borderline

Personality Disorder (BPD), the condition can be aggravated when
a person is…
“…growing up in a family where feelings tend to be trivialized
or ignored, and where emotional expressiveness is discouraged.
This environment can be fertile ground for this condition to
surface.”xxv
Another article concurs:

Some researchers believe emotional suppression may, in part, be
a reason that people with psychological conditions such as BPD,
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and obsessive compulsive
disorder (OCD) struggle with so many painful thoughts and
emotions.xxvi
When emotions become difficult to contain, the normal response

is to suppress them. People suppress them because the other
extreme of emotional expression can have dire consequences, such
as emotional outbursts. We have seen enough of the destructive
effects of uncontrolled emotions to want to avoid them like the
plague.
142 Coaching Troubling Emotions
It is crucial then that coaches become emotionally intelligent, not

only in theory, but to be capable of actually dealing with emotions
effectively, both in themselves and in others.
Neuro-Semantics has determined that managing emotions

involves four aspects:
• Emotional Awareness - knowing your current emotional

state
• Emotional Calibration - monitoring when they go up and
down, and to what degree is healthy or not.
• Emotional Management - shifting them as the need
arises for appropriateness; that is, knowing how to bring
them up or down when needed by the situation
• Emotional Facilitation - giving them to others, since
most emotions are social. This is one of the seven coaching
skills — inducing emotional states in others.
NEURO-SEMANTICS AND TROUBLING EMOTIONS
Neuro-Semantics has powerful tools that help clients achieve

emotional mastery in a short period of time.
I will illustrate one Neuro-Semantic pattern that you can use to

help your clients achieve a healthy relationship with an otherwise
troubling emotion. This pattern is listed on the Module 2 Table on
page 228 as one of the prerequisites of a genius or flow state that
characterizes successful achievers.
WHY TROUBLING EMOTIONS?

Emotions become troublesome as described early in this chapter,
because they are either discouraged or made taboo, so the person

grows up suppressing them.
THE CHALLENGE OF LAYERING EMOTIONS

Some of your clients will find it difficult to grasp that several
emotions can co-exist in the mind of a person.
People are not used to layering emotions. Most of the time, they
simply get preoccupied with experiencing just one emotion. My
experience of coaching John about his troubling emotions can
teach us a lot about this subject.
John explained that his anxiety over his health troubled him.
He then demanded that he only wanted to focus on one emotion

at a time. For him, having anxieties would distract him from his
work, which is why he wanted to eliminate the anxiety.
John’s experience demonstrated how often people just want one

emotion, or more importantly, a positive emotion (e.g., hope),
and would rather dismiss the negative one (e.g., anxiety).
Initially, when I asked him how he felt about bringing the two
emotions together, like hopeful anxiety, he resisted, insisting
that the anxiety part should be removed.
When I asked what purpose anxiety served him, his immediate

response was nothing, so he saw the emotion as a nuisance to
be eliminated at all costs.
VIRTUES ARE LAYERED EMOTIONS

The surprisingly beautiful thing about emotions is that what
we consider as virtues or positive qualities are actually layered

emotions.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but being resolute in the face of
fear. While the feeling of fear is present, the person acknowledges
it, and then layers the state of determination on the fear.
Note that fear is not dismissed, but textured with determination.

So it becomes determined fear. When fear is removed, it can
become recklessness or the absence of a nervous system, which is
not healthy.
Humility is the same. There is the feeling of lowliness, but layered

with unconditional regard for one’s self-worth and dignity as a
person. That’s why GK Chesterton declared that, in one breath,
one can say, “As far as I’m human I am the worst of all sinners and
the greatest of all creatures.”
Charity or love is the same, which Meta-Coach Graham Richardson

describes as ruthless compassion or tough love.
No wonder so few people are virtuous. Many have trouble layering

emotions.
EMOTIONS AS APPROPRIATE
The science of Neuro-Semantics holds that all emotion is useful

and provides information the person can use to make necessary
adjustments where needed.
Back to John — what made this point unclear for him is that he
already had a comprehensive medical examination and yet he
still experiences pain (such as at the back of his neck). He believes

that because he already had tests, and had already started to
take better care of his health, he should not be experiencing
pains anymore. The unexpected pain caused anxieties, and he
became anxious about his anxieties.
This goes back to our definition of emotion, which is the difference

or gap between expectation (map) and reality.
His expectation is “because I‘ve already done what‘s due my body,

I should not have pain anymore, so when I feel pain, I become
anxious.”
Rather than appreciate the value of pain as information, he feels

anxious about it because it is not aligned with what he expects.
He finds no use for his anxiety, which he now wants to get rid of.
But during a follow-up discussion, he realized that what he really
wants to eliminate is the pain, and wants to go back to the past
when he felt healthier.
And he wants it now!
The Meta-Stating Troubling Emotion Pattern facilitates an internal

resource to give himself permission to feel anxious. It provides
him with the information his body needed so he can respond
appropriately.
Instead of layering anxiety over anxiety (which compounds or

increases the problem), his goal now is to layer it with resourceful
states, such as peace, so it becomes peaceful anxiety.
He decided to add another layer – patience – so now the state is

patiently peaceful anxiety.
What is the logic behind layering of emotions?
First, the mind is more capable of accommodating several

emotions than we care to accept. All of us have experienced mixed
emotions. Many times, though, we feel it’s more trouble having
mixed emotions.
In Neuro-Semantics, we add
some more distinctions. First,
an “emotion” is the difference
between your map and your
experience of the territory. What
you map is your understanding,
beliefs and expectations. What Fig. 13. Emotion as difference between
you experience is your skills and map and territory
interactions. When something
happens in the world, that event triggers you to feel something.
What you feel depends on your expectations and understanding
— your maps.
When you feel something positive, it means that your experience

is validating your maps. When you feel something negative, it
means that your experience is violating or not validating your
maps. This excitation and inhibition emotionally correspond to
how your nervous system works and the two kinds of neurological
responses: excitation and inhibition nerve impulses.
The absolutely amazing thing about this is that every emotion is

right! It is right according to the map and the experience out of
which it is created. Isn’t that incredible? Your emotions are not
bad or wrong. Whatever you feel is what you should feel, given
your maps and experiences.
The second incredible thing about this is you can change your
emotions by either changing your map or your experience.
Your emotions are secondary, they are symptomatic. They are
not primary. They are just emotions. Now, do you have a good
relationship with all of your emotions? Would you like to have a
healthy and robust relationship with your emotions? That’s what
this pattern is about.
The second way we define an emotion in Neuro-Semantics is this:

An emotion is the feel of meaning. What you feel in your body is
the result of the meanings that you’ve made in your mind. As you
construct meaning, so you feel. Your body embodies the meaning
and we call that embodiment, that somatizing, an emotion.
Meta-Stating Any Emotion That Troubles Youxxvii
When you bring negative emotional energy against yourself, you

put yourself at odds with yourself. You are under self-attack. This
turns your psychological energies against yourself in destructive
ways. This creates dragon states. Use the following pattern for
handling emotions that trouble you, positive or negative. This
gives us an art of handling emotions effectively and intelligently.
Distinctions:
An emotion is the difference between your mapping of the world
and how you experience the territory of the world.
Emotions give signals and messages about that difference between

map and territory.
Yet emotions are just emotions and not commands, not infallible
orders.
You manage your emotions well when you accept and use them
for information on whether to adjust your map or improve your
coping skills.
This pattern is about primary emotions. If someone gives you a

meta-emotion, question it to identify the primary emotions
within it.
ELICITATION QUESTIONS:
What emotion occurs, appropriate to the context, that you don’t
like or you don’t have a very good relationship with?
What emotion or emotions do you try to banish from your life?
THE PATTERN:
1) IDENTIFY AN EMOTIONAL STATE THAT TROUBLES YOU.
What negative emotional state do you not like? Which one can
you not stand? What state do you hate and wish you didn’t
experience? What states do you feel as “taboo”?
Is this state appropriate to the event that triggers it?
If the emotion is not appropriate, what emotion would be?
Menu list: anger, fear, disgust, sexual feelings, sensitivity,

embarrassment, sadness, etc.
Describe this state. How is this a problem? What do you think-

and-feel about this?
2) CHECK YOUR PERMISSION LEVEL WITH THAT EMOTION.

Go inside, quiet yourself, and then say, “I give myself permission
to feel ....” Now notice your internal responses as you say these
words. What are you aware of? What happens?
How well does that settle inside? How many more times do
you have to give yourself this permission before it will settle
well and be OK within you?
Are there any objections to this permission? If there are, what

are the objections? Any noises in the back of your mind about
this permission? (Repeat and incorporate the objection into
the permission.)
3) KEEP FRAMING AND REFRAMING THE PERMISSION SO IT

BECOMES WELL-DESIGNED.
As you give yourself permission congruently with a resourceful
voice, set frames and reframes to the objections that set new
meanings. How does that settle?
Examples:
“I give myself permission to feel anger because it allows me to
recognize things that violate my values and to take appropriate
action early.”
“I give myself permission to feel the tender emotions because

it makes me more fully human.”
4) ADD RESOURCES TO QUALIFY AND TEXTURE THE

EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE.
What resources would you need to access in order to fully
accept this?
Menu List: Acceptance, appreciation, calmness, patience,

resilience, curiosity, etc.
Access each and apply to the permission for a new meta-

strategy.
5) QUALITY CONTROL THE PERMISSION.

Imagine moving into tomorrow and the day after and
next week and next month with these new frames in your
permission for welcoming the emotion that troubled you.
Are you fully aligned with this? Do you have any objection to
letting this operate as your way of being in the world?
6) FUTURE PACE AND INSTALL.

As you imagine this, do you like this?
Are you ready to make this yours?
Will you keep this?
How will you remember it?
E. FIRE!
Who Can Be
Coached?
When to Coach and
Length of Coaching
Sessions
How Does One Coach at
World-Class Level?
The Pre-Coaching Process
The Coaching Cycle
152
14. Coaching Who, When,

Where?
Who Can Be Coached?
D
r. Hall has an interesting answer to this question:
“I believe that most people are coachable, but they‘re not
always coachable at every point in time.”
Sometimes people want to change (or others around them want

them to change), but they may not be currently open to changing
their beliefs, emotions and behavior.
If that‘s the case, coaching will be difficult, and it‘s better to wait
until they’re more open to change.
Experts have identified four levels of coaching readiness.

1. Oblivious - “Me, problem? What problem? Maybe you are
the one who needs coaching!”
2. Contemplation - “OK. Maybe there is something keeping
me from achieving my goal, but I’ll still need to weigh if I’ll
avail of coaching or not.”
3. Readiness - “OK, I think coaching is the answer. Let me
just see when would be the best time next month.”
4. Action - “Hello, when is your best time this week to coach
me? Hopefully today?”
To help your client appreciate how coachable he is, proceed to the

assessment in the Addendum, page 267: “For Coaching Clients:
Are You Ready to Be Coached?”
154 Coaching Who, When, Where?
Coaching Versus Therapy
Another crucial consideration is the client’s psychological state

at the time of coaching. Meta-Coaching distinguishes itself from
therapy, and Dr. Hall warns against meta-coaches offering their
services as therapists, which misrepresents the discipline and
violates the code of ethics of Meta-Coaching.
The Psychology of Therapy The Psychology of Coaching

Remedial Psychology provides Generative Psychology
insights about how to nurture, awakens, disturbs,
support, listen, enable the challenges and stretches
expression of the person’s to unleash more and more
story, to facilitate transference, potential talents and
to avoid counter-transference, possibilities.
to reparent and love the person It is highly confrontative,
back to health. direct and explicit. It is a
It is a conversation that dialogue of colleagues and
involves an independent- involves interdependent
dependent role moving the roles.
client to greater independence.
Here is the Meta-Coaching acid test to determine if a person is in a

coachable state or not:
Therapy Coaching
Time Living entirely or Living in the present with
mostly in the past. an eye on the future;
State Experiencing internal Experiencing an anxiousness
hurt, wounds, and restlessness for more,
traumas. internal wellness, and
health.
Self Lacks ego-strength Has the ego-strength to

to face the world, face what is in one’s world.
or a particular – Has unconditional self-
challenge value and worth, or “high”
– Lacks sense of self-esteem even though
value, worth and conditional.
esteem for self. – Feels high-level or
– Feels like a victim completely at cause,
and has much or lots response-able and
of victim talk and empowered.
mentality.
Inten- Wants safety, Wants dis-equilibrium,

tion equilibrium, challenge, to be stretched.
quietness, peace.
Power Needs to be Fully able to be an adult

reparented, easily in thinking, feeling,
experiences accepting responsibility.
transference to the – Does not need “fixing”
helper as if a new or any remedial solutions,
“parent.” wants generative change.
– Needs “fixing” —
remedy for problems
of self.
State – Resists change, – Embraces change, wants

fears change, it, plans for it, gets excited
defends against it. about changing.
– Reactive, defensive, – Proactive, open,
fears being open, disclosing, self-aware.
vulnerable.
156
15. When to Coach and Length

of Coaching Sessions
There are two ends of the spectrum of coaching sessions. On one
end is the informal coaching session. The most extreme form of
this is that the client does not even know he is being coached at all
and yet results happen.
INFORMAL COACHING
One Meta-Coach was sitting beside a nervous

passenger on the plane. Using a coaching pattern,
the coach was able to facilitate the removal of
fear and replaced it with peace and calm in his
seatmate. Once the passenger noticed the instant
change of state, he turned to the Meta-Coach and
asked, “Did you just do something to me?” Of course, this was
not magic or “hocus pocus” but a simple set of questions and
suggestions that transformed the other person’s state.
From my own experience of an informal, even undetected coaching

session:
I was waiting for the participants of a problem-solving workshop

I was conducting when a lady in her mid-30s came in. As we
were getting to know each other, she shared about how she did
not feel secure in her position in the company since there was a
rumor that her department will be closed down.
158 When to Coach and Length of Coaching Sessions
I casually asked her what she wanted and, as she was quite
receptive to my questions, I proceeded to ask her KPI (Key
Performance Indicator) coaching questions without telling
her that we were already coaching. My gauge was rapport and
I constantly checked for resistance to my questions but she
became even more engaged. I even asked for her strategies and
plans, and challenged her being stuck in an indecisive state and
procrastination. When I reminded her of her desire to overcome
her current insecurity and confusion, she promptly decided to
take concrete steps with deadlines.
Even as some participants poured in, she continued to be

engaged until she had concrete steps.
Then during the workshop, she exclaimed, “So that’s what you
did — you had been coaching me the whole time!”
SEMI-FORMAL COACHING
In the middle of the spectrum is where a manager meets a

colleague for a meeting and finds an opportunity to coach during
the discussion when the colleague experiences a block. Sometimes,
a simple meeting or discussion can turn into a coaching session
lasting a few minutes to over an hour.
FORMAL COACHING
On the other end of the spectrum is the formal coaching session

with contracts and mutual agreement between the two parties.
Even the demonstration coaching sessions during workshops with
a volunteer participant can be such a session. It’s crucial that the
session be done with utmost respect for the other person’s dignity
and privacy where necessary, and the other person should not feel
used, deceived, forced or exploited.
Formal coaching sessions can last from a few minutes to an

hour or an hour and a half. The client’s needs and state usually
determine the duration of the session. For a discussion on the
formal coaching cycle, see Chapters 17 (Pre-Coaching) and 18 (The
Coaching Cycle).
WHERE ARE COACHING SESSIONS HELD?
T
he rule of thumb is to hold the session in a place where the
client feels safe, free to share, will least likely be disturbed
or interrupted, and conducive to a private conversation. It
will be better to ask the coachee where he wants to meet as long
as the place meets the criteria.
If you are a manager, it might not be a good idea to have a coaching

session in your office, especially if that place bears negative
memories to your colleagues or it reminds them of your position
or authority.
I trained a psychiatrist to coach her medical

students. After a few weeks, she wondered why
her coaching sessions were not as productive.
Instead, they were emotionally draining for
her and for her coachees as well. She was also
concerned that the other doctors were experiencing
more successes week after week.
When I asked her for factors that might contribute to this

phenomenon, she blurted, “Come to think of it, I have been
160 When to Coach and Length of Coaching Sessions
holding all my sessions in my clinic, where most patients who

come have various mental illnesses!”
In fact, only when she changed the venue did she begin to
experience successes.
While it is not ideal, coffee shops are acceptable places to coach,

especially the ones that are not noisy. I come in earlier and pick
a corner where the client will be facing the wall so he will not be
distracted or not be seen by others when he gets emotional.
However, when the need arises, most places can be coaching

venues. I have coached people in cars — even those who are driving
for me. I have not coached yet while driving though. It would be
tough to provide at least 80 percent eye contact while watching
the road.
16. How Does One Coach at

World-Class Level?
Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not
act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather
have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we
repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
– Aristotle
F
irst, the skills. I mentioned earlier that Freddie Roach
and Phil Jackson detected Pacquiao’s weak right hand and
Jordan’s weak defensive play, respectively. The first three
coaching skills enhance this ability methodically.
Key Coaching Skills
It is uncanny that the first three coaching skills are the more
commonly used words, yet they are also the same skills that cause
the downfall of many Meta-Coaching aspirants.
I took my certification in Hong Kong last 2012. The

36 participants from at least 10 countries were
seasoned consultants, managers, doctors,
counselors, teachers and trainers. Surprisingly,
after eight days, only six or 17 percent passed
the benchmarking sessions and went back to their
countries certified.
That’s when I realized that the problem with practicing the

coaching skills is not so much learning them, but unlearning the
non-coaching behaviors in order to accommodate these new (or
should I say, ancient yet forgotten) communication skills.
162 How Does One Coach at World-Class Level?
The coaching skills listed below come from the Meta-Coaching

manual, and I give credit to Dr. Michael Hall’s system for having
developed them.
There are 7 Coaching Skills in the Associated Certified Meta-Coach

level:
1. Listening
2. Supporting
3. Questioning
4. Meta-questioning
5. Giving feedback
6. Receiving feedback
7. Inducing states
I will only provide for the first four skills, and their corresponding
sub-skills.
1. Listening Skills
Design: To give attention and presence to the client while listening
so the client feels deeply understood.
In Meta-Coaching, listening involves sensory acuity.
Operational Definition:
Actively looks at and attends to the client, collects sensory
information (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic) and non-sensory
specific terms and accurately reflects back the person’s responses,
gives signals that encourage speaking, listens for value words,
meta-terms, meta-programs, frames, etc. Listens by watching
gestures, movements and the client‘s use of his or her body.
10 Sub-skills: Description/ Examples

Look attentively but do not glare or
Looks at the client, makes
prolong the stare. Should be done at
eye contact
least 90 percent of the time
Gives more time to client
Begin with a 50-50 back and forth, and
for speaking (60/40 then
work to give the client more airtime.
70/30)
These gestures should be an external
Uses sounds and words to
expression of an internal attentiveness,
encourage client to keep
so nod only when you got what the
speaking; nods
client is saying.
This helps the client know that you
understood. So when he says, “I am
Repeats the words
upset with what is happening at work,”
precisely
you say: “So you are upset with what is
happening at work…”
“I heard you mention the word ‘victim

four times.’”
Tracks words and gestures
“When you mentioned your mom,
during the session
your left hand flies off like this
(demonstrate the action).”
Checks for clarity, asks “How are you using the word
about the meaning of word ‘different?’”
“I noted that the three stories you

mentioned are about family members
Invites the client to listen
experiencing curses in business. What
to self
do you say to yourself about these
stories?”
Feeds back the client’s “Three times when you mentioned your
words and gestures to boss, your voice gets firmer and you
provide a mirror so client make a fist with your right hand. What’s
can “see” himself. going on there?”
“You said you wanted to resolve your

Asks about what‘s not been financial problems but you have been
said talking only about your relationship
with your mother.”
Keeps silent after the client Allow time to digest ideas, hold the
finishes speaking to give a space in silence for the client to think
moment for reflecting. about his statements.
2. Supporting
Design: To provide support to a client by caring for him or her so
that he or she feels believed in by the coach and to make the client
feel respected, cared for and enable to perform. This helps the
client trust the process and allow herself to be challenged.
Creating an environment by using an interpersonal set of actions
to make the client respond by talking freely about thoughts,
emotions, needs, wants, fears, hopes, etc. This can be done
through questioning, listening, celebrating, expressing belief in
the client’s abilities and potentials, matching client’s postures,
gestures, voice, words, etc.
12 Sub-Skills Examples
When coaching in public places,
Manages the physical
choose a relatively quiet corner with
environment by eliminating
the client looking away from the
distractions
crowd.
Calibrates and matches “On a scale of 1-10, how much do you

physiology, postures- feel frustrated now, with 10 as the
gestures highest level of frustration?”
Use the word form the client uses

Matches words, voice,
even if it is grammatically incorrect,
tempo, volume
at the same volume and tempo.
If the client’s speed is 50 words per

Matches the speed of the
minute, so should yours be, with
client and gives time to
pauses to allow client to think before
process
responding.
Acknowledges what client “So you said you are scared of

says and feels meeting your boss on Monday…”
Confirms the client,

“You feel sad and rejected that you
recognizes his or her “state,”
did not get promoted last month.”
validates the person
“So, in all of this, what you are saying

is you want to move on and no longer
Summarizes what you have be stuck in the relationship. You will
heard do your best to explain this to him
but if he does not understand, you
will be OK to move on anyway.”
Sets frames that help “In this coaching session, I will ask
create an ideal environment questions to facilitate getting what
context you want to achieve.”
Comments on (put into “When you mentioned your father,

words) emotions, gestures, you would look up and breathe
physiology deeply, exhaling at the ‘ther’.”
Identifies patterns the client “Three times when you mentioned

demonstrates in words/ passion, you held your fist above your
actions head…”
“I will be totally committed to

Expresses commitment to
facilitating the achievement of your
the client
goal.”
“A while back, you mentioned you

Confronts the client on
want to have peace that does not
blind-spots, and when the
depend on someone else. But just
client avoids, denies, fails
now, you said you will not be able to
to respond in a way that
have complete peace until you talk
undermines the outcome
to him.”
3. Precision Questioning
Design: To curiously explore with questions so that the client
becomes increasingly interested in discovering things.
Asks a client to respond by inquiring about the client‘s words,
gestures and states; raises eyebrows to indicate an inquiry as you
explore the client’s world of ideas, “beliefs” (believing), “frames,”
goals, etc. Asks in tone and words that give client the chance to
explore his or her own answers. Asks client to precisely describe
“situation” and goals, and to probe current “state.”
Precision Questioning Sub-Skills Example/Comment
Inquires about inner thoughts, “What do you believe about

feelings, needs, fears, hopes. that?”
Ends sentence with a tone that Since most sentences are

goes up. questions
Raises eyebrow, opens eyes wider,

To show curiosity and interest
pauses for a response.
Phrases inquiries that engage “What does the business you
client to explore what’s relevant want to set up look like for
to his or her outcome you?”
Ensure that the goals are
Co-creates a clearly defined
specific, with concrete measures
outcome (KPI) of the client’s goal.
and timelines.
“This goal to exercise 30

Asks about the client’s values,
minutes a day — will this work
quality, and ecology (quality
alongside other commitments
control)
in your life?”
“So do you want this (exercise
Tests whether the client considers
routine)? Are you ready for it?
something valid or not.
Have you decided on it?”
Determines if something (word, “You mentioned twice that you

event) is “semantically loaded,” were bypassed for a promotion.
that is, full of meaning What does that mean to you?”
Asks without assuming you “What do you mean by ‘not
already know (from a know- wanting to be taken for granted
nothing state) anymore’?”
4. Meta-Questioning
Meta-questioning is the distinct quality of Meta-Coaching. Most
managers and leaders do not ask the question of importance,
purpose, significance, meaning — questions that get people to
connect with their deeper motivations and highest intention.
Without these questions, tasks will remain mechanical and
disconnected from the person.
CLARIFYING THE USE OF “WHY”
One of the key meta-questions is why, as in “Why is this important

to you?” I learned from other coaching disciplines that they are
discouraged from asking “why questions.” In a similar way we are
also discouraged from asking “why” when the question pertains to
the current undesired state or the block. So we never ask questions
like: “Why are you unable to achieve your goal?” or “Why are
you frustrated with your boss?” The problem with this kind of
questioning is that it gets the client to focus on the problem, and
possibly the justifications for why he remains stuck.
Design: To curiously question and explore the meanings and

frames which are not obvious — those that are in the back of the
mind — so the client feels as if on an inward journey of discovery,
expanded self-awareness and a safe vulnerability.
Asks about a client‘s higher level thinking or feeling, invites client
to explore “higher frames of mind” to determine what is being
held in mind (his or her meaning) as the client thinks and feels
about his or her thoughts and emotions. Probes the patterned
thinking (beliefs, meanings) that governs an “experience.” Detects
multiple layers of thinking.
Sub-Skills Examples
Inquires about second level,
“What do you need to be to
third level, etc. thinking about
achieve your dream of becoming a
the client’s outcome and
manager?”
experience (relevant)
Repeats the client’s state or “When you consider a state of

experience and inquires about appreciation, what belief would
thinking and feelings about support that state when you are
such (grounded) working with clients?”
“You said that you were afraid

Identifies two or more levels to take the risk because it would
of ideas (“frames”) about expose you to embarrassment, so
an experience and asks the fear of risk is embedded in a
about such (“detects frames decision against embarrassment.
presented”) Does that describe the levels you are
experiencing?”
Probes into three or more “Why is a promotion important to

layers of thoughts in the you? And when you get that, what
back of the mind (“in-depth more will that give you? Any higher
exploration”) benefits?”
Checklist for an Effective Conversationxxviii
In his recent book on group and team coaching, Dr. Hall lists down,
as shown in the table below, what are considered as low-quality
or dysfunctional conversation (left column) and how they can be
transformed into high-quality conversation (right column). Check
which item per line you tend to use in conversing with others.
Dysfunctional High Quality

Statements: Advice Dialogue: Give and exchange
Judgments, Opinions Descriptions: sensory-based
Evaluate persons Honor others when disagreeing
One-upmanship Questions, information gathering

Play cards close to chest Self-disclosure of fallibility
Superiority maneuvers Celebrating success of others
Debate positions Advocate without dogmatism
Low tolerance of others Encourages, validates people
Premature solutions Clearly defines problem first
Sniping: zapping Respectfully own a disagreement
Exaggerating Offering things tentatively

Jumping to conclusions Testing, checking
Awfulizing Clarity checks
Rigid/dogmatic position Both thinking not either/or
Playing politics Sharing power, empowering
Sarcasm Respect even when disagreeing
Personalizing Distinguish person vs. action
Playing victim (dependent) Support of others
Mutual hostility Accept persons and differences

Playing the Drama triangle: Openness
Persecutor, Victim, or
Rescuer Self-Reflexive Checks
170
17. The Pre-Coaching Process

People don’t need you to fix them; they are not broken, just serve
them. – Malti Bhojwani
H
ow does a manager enter into a coaching relationship
with his people?
There is a lot of flexibility in this process, but we can outline

a contracting process that can be done in 30 minutes. Other
coaching organizations will use wow assessments, profilers,
graphs and charts, but we’ve found that the best way to coach is
to keep things simple and appropriate to what the client needs.
Previously, I used the popular life wheel diagram where the client
rates how much satisfaction he feels in different areas of life and
work, including factors like: faith, personal time, money, health,
family, faith, marriage, social life, service, work, etc. This should
ideally give the coach a picture of the possible coachable areas.
But in reality, it is not the lowest areas or the highest areas that
the client identifies where he wants to be coached on — it is still
what is urgent and important to him. For example, if he puts the
lowest satisfaction in vacation, but vacation doesn’t really mean
that much to him at this time, it doesn’t really matter then.
Pre-coaching conversation
Before the actual coaching relationship, it is crucial that you and

the potential coachee get to know each other better. Invite him to
coffee for an informal chat. If you already know each other, this
chat can be used to invite him into a coaching relationship.
172 The Pre-Coaching Process
In the pre-coaching session, the coach doubles as a consultant,

explaining the coaching dynamic, and providing advice on the best
arrangement for the coaching relationship.
The Boss-Subordinate Hurdle to Coaching
One of the challenges of entering into a coaching relationship with

a current subordinate or co-worker is how to shift the relationship
out of the boss-employee dynamic that both have been so used
to. This is probably one of the reasons why coaching is the least
used leadership style. This question has in fact been asked in
many workshops I have conducted. And when I ask participants to
demonstrate how they currently relate with their employees, the
superiority always surfaces.
Reframing the Relationship
However, like most perceptions in life, taking off the manager’s

hat and putting on the coach’s hat is only as hard as we think it to
be. It can be as difficult as learning to fly, or as easy as putting on
another hat. Your choice.
If the manager believes it is not difficult then it will not be. Here
is where the NLP presupposition becomes powerful: “The most
flexible element in a system exerts the most influence.”
So the question is: As a leader are you so attached to your current

way of relating with your people that you find it extremely difficult
to shift out of it? If your answer is a resounding yes, what resource
will you need to shift out of it? Can you do it? Have you done it
before?
The analogy I give is this: For parents, do they only have one way of
relating with their children?
Imagine entering your six-year-old daughter’s room one evening

to tuck her in bed. You know that there will be some heavy
negotiations from that pucker-lipped, beautiful-eyed monster
disguised as an innocent angel, so you steel yourself to be strict
about the rules.
You start out as stern as an unobstructed whistle, yet as soon as

the disguised villain slithers up to you and pleads her case, you
soften, and next thing you know, not only have you relented, she
actually managed to magically turn you into a servile unicorn,
all hunched up and ready for mounting at her beck and call
whichever planet she wishes you to whisk her to.
In almost an instant, your relationship shifted from disciplinarian

adult to her playmate — nay, plaything — and you know very clearly
that in the next 10 minutes of galloping, anytime the adult begins
to rear its ugly head will spoil all the fun for you both.
So it is with coaching. The shift is essential — from boss to

facilitator, from commander to advocate, from director to Man
Friday — that if not completely undertaken, the session will fall
flat or turn sour.
Script for Inviting an Employee to a Coaching Relationship
Here is a sample script you can use to shift the relationship into
coaching:
“I would like to invite you into a coaching relationship as a way
of supporting your leadership development towards meaningful
achievement in this organization. Would you like to explore

this arrangement with me?” (If the client refuses, see the next
heading.)
During the coaching sessions, which will take place for an hour
every two weeks, I will take off the hat of a manager or boss and
put on the hat of coach who will mainly act as a facilitator as
you identify, decide on, plot and plan goals that are important
to your personal and professional growth and success.
During this time, I will not advise, suggest, disagree or tell you
what to do. We will focus on what is most important to you,
which I will fully support. I will be guided by your goals, using
processes that will get you there in the best way possible. Is this
OK with you?
You will be fully accountable to make the best use of our

time together. I will draw on the belief that you have all the
resources you need within you to choose, plan, mobilize yourself,
collaborate with others, and achieve your goals.
After the session, we can debrief, give each other useful feedback
and my observations that will help you maximize the time in the
coming sessions.
If the client has questions, then address them until he is satisfied

to enter into a coaching relationship.
If the Client Refuses the Coaching Relationship

In response to the invitation, the client can either accept or decline
the relationship. In case he declines, the coach must:
1. Accept the response wholeheartedly.

2. Sincerely inquire as to the client’s reasons for declining.
a. Is the client against the practice of coaching?
b. Is the client agreeable to coaching but against having
you as coach? In this case, inquire if the coachee is
open to being coached by someone else.
3. Where appropriate, the coach can clarify and renegotiate
in case there was merely a misunderstanding on the part
of the coachee about the coaching relationship. Beware
of hard selling though.
4. When there is no misunderstanding and the coachee
simply declined the offer, the coach should move on,
check his ego and not take it against the client.
If the client Agrees to a Coaching Relationship

Proceed to review and sign the coaching contract. Some
managers are wary of the formal nature of a contract, so decide
if this formality is useful for the relationship. Some organizations
however, require this agreement, so use as appropriate. Written
or not, it is important for both parties to make agreements on the
coaching relationship.
Sample Coaching Contract
This agreement between Coach and Client will begin on

___________ and will continue for a minimum of three months.
The service to be provided by the Coach to the Coachee is
coaching, as designed jointly with the client. Coaching, which
is not advice giving, therapy or counseling, may address specific
personal projects, career successes or general conditions in the
client’s professional life.
After four to five months, the coaching program will officially

end but can continue on a personal arrangement. The client and
coach agree to provide each other with 14-day notice in the event
either party wishes to cancel further services.
All information provided to the coach will be kept strictly

confidential following the upward line of accountability and
subject to the ethical guidelines of the institution.
Throughout the working relationship, the coach will engage in

direct and personal conversations. The client can count on the
coach to be honest and straightforward in asking questions and
providing feedback. The power of the coaching relationship can
be granted only by the client. If the client believes the coaching
is not working as desired, the client will communicate that belief
and take action to return the power to the coaching relationship.
Our signatures on this agreement indicate full understanding of,

and agreement with, the information outlined above.
___________________ _______________________
Coach Coachee
Date: Date:
Coaching Agreements
You can make concrete agreements on the following areas so
the conduct of your coaching relationship will be as smooth as
possible.
Coaching Agreements
Date Start:________ Date End: ________

1. Period of
(Suggested timeframe: min=1 month; max= 3
Partnership:
months @ 1 hour session, 2-4x times a month)
Punctuality:
2. Expectations Integrity:
Others:
When:
3. Frequency Client will set up venue
Meeting Where: for meetings and send
Particulars How: reminders.
Coachee will document the key decisions,

strategies and insights during the sessions
4. Documentation
and furnish the coach a copy. Agree when this
report will be submitted.
Time:
5. Constraints that
might affect Travel:
interaction Others:
Discussions will be kept confidential and

6. Confidentiality
shared only to higher management as the need
Agreement
arises.
7. Preference for q Face to Face q Phone/Skype_________

Feedback q Email/ Text____________
8. Foreseen
Challenges and
how to manage
these
Congratulations! Now begins your coaching relationship with your

client. Here’s to many meaningful breakthroughs!
178
18. The Coaching Cycle
O
nce the contract is on, here is where the rubber
meets the road.
A coaching relationship can run for weekly or bi-monthly
sessions from one to one and a half hours.
Who Manages the Coaching Relationship?
While both parties are partners in this relationship, each one has
areas to manage.
Since this partnership is primarily for the coachee’s personal and

professional development, it will do well for the coachee to take
ownership of managing the administration of the sessions. That
means, as stated in the coaching agreement, the coachee is the
one who sets the meetings with the coach, how long and how
many sessions, and sends reminders before each session. He also
logs the key insights for each session and provides a copy to the
coach.
For his part, the coach manages the process of the coaching
conversations, the patterns to use and the flow. He is guided by
the coachee’s intention and goal for every conversation.
Coaching Conversations
On most sessions, you will be using the Well-Formed Outcome

Pattern and the Follow-Up Pattern found in the next chapter.
Well-Formed Outcome is for all new goals that the client wants to
set or pursue. The Follow-Up Pattern is, as the name suggests, to
180 The Coaching Cycle
follow up on previous coaching sessions.
The Well-Formed Outcome pattern can also be used to delegate

tasks and projects.
Coaching Session Preparation Form
Before coming to the coaching session, the coachee can fill up this
form. He can also send it to the coach beforehand.
What’s my state, right now? How

has my week been?
What do I want to get out of the

session today?
What action did I take since our last
session? Measures? (For second
session onward)
What were my wins?
What were my breakdowns?
What do I have to report? What do

I want to be held accountable for?
What goal do I want to set in

our session today? What are the
challenges, concerns, achievements
or areas of learning to be addressed?
Summary debrief of last session:
What else?
The Coaching Log
The coachee can log the coaching process and outcomes after
every session:
Date: Session #____

1. Smart Goal: Represented
positively
2. Benefits of achievement
3. Where? What context?
4. When? What time frame?
5. With whom? Their roles?
6. Resources needed
7. Actions steps and stages
8. Who initiates and maintains?
9. How to monitor progress?
10. Who provides feedback?
11. Ecological: How it fits into

other areas of life and systems?
12. What is the evidence of
progress and completion
182 The Coaching Cycle
Coaching Progress Monitor
This form is used to log the progress of the sessions:
Coachee’s Name: ___________________________________

Date Start ___________ Duration ________ Frequency _______
(from previous)
Breakdown
Completed
Goal/s Set
Session #
Pending/
Remarks
Items
Date
End Date of Coaching Relationship. _______________________

Reason. ___________________________________________________
Summary Insights/ Next Steps

F. RELOAD!
Some Leadership
Coaching Patterns
More Neuro-
Semantic Patterns for
Leaders
184
19. SOME LEADERSHIP

COACHING PATTERNS
Needle in a haystack‘s easy — just bring a magnet.
– Keith R.A. DeCandido
T
he cool thing about Neuro-Semantics/NLP is patterns.
These are conversational scripts that can be used by coaches
to address different human, relational and performance
issues, problems and concerns.
A note For the spontaneous types of leaders
I notice in many coaching workshops that some participants

would rather use their own words and ignore the script even if
they practiced with the script on hand. This is where the challenge
of becoming a coach involves more unlearning than learning.
Learning to coach at world-class level is first a science, with its
benchmarks, parameters and rules. Only after one has learned the
science can one begin to practice it as an art. This is the process of
mastery in all known disciplines. It also requires humility from the
learner to subject himself to the routine designed by the masters.
This is true in the Olympics as with any world-class endeavor.
The patterns serve as the boring “wipe on, wipe off” routine
popularized by the Karate Kid movie. At first, they will seem more
trouble than they’re worth especially for the impatient learner.
But stick with the boring scripts for they are the doors to mastery
and kick-ass breakthrough. By the way, if you know meta-states
by now, there are no boring scripts nor boring anything out there,
just bored… And if that’s what keeps you from achieving anything,
then you’re in the right place, because that, too, can be coached.
186 Some Leadership Coaching Patterns
This chapter discusses three coaching patterns that leaders and

managers can use with their people in:
1. Setting Goals (what corporate calls KPI) - The Well-Formed

Outcome Pattern
2. Monitoring Progress - The Follow-Up Coaching Pattern
3. Giving Feedback for Improvement - Feedback Pattern
How to Use the Patterns

While you are learning the coaching approach, feel free to read
from the script during the coaching session until you are familiar
with the steps and the questions.
WELL-FORMED OUTCOME (WFO) PATTERN
This is the pattern used for 95 percent of coaching conversations.
In NLP, a well-formed outcome is one that ideally meets the

following basic conditions:
1. Be stated in the positive (that is, what you want, rather than
what you don‘t want).
2. Be capable of representation in the sensory systems —
tangible rather than theoretical or conceptual: able in
principle to be evidenced through the senses when attained.
Thus, seen, heard or felt.
3. Be possible and achievable.
4. Have all the resources (people, psycho-physiological states,
time, capital, equipment or material) required or accessible.
5. Have a defined time frame.
6. Be ecological in having consideration for costs and
consequences for oneself and for others affected.
Meta-Coaching has a better defined well-formed outcome pattern

than the vanilla NLP.
The WFO Scriptxxix

Below is one of the earlier scripts used by Meta-Coaches with 13
basic questions. I use it here for simplicity. The current form taken
up during the Meta-Coaching boot camp already has at least 21
questions.
1. What: Stated and represented positively
• How vividly can a picture you

In light of achieving your
create of what you want?
deliverables/goals/KPI in your
• What does it look like, what
role and function,
will you hear, and what will
• What do you want (us to talk
you feel when you have
about)? What else?
achieved it?
2. Why? Compelling
Is the outcome important to you? How important?
Why do you want to achieve this

Why is it important to you?
outcome?
Does it inspire you to reach
Is this outcome compelling?
forward for it?
When you get that, what
more will that give you?
CONTEXT
3. Where and in what context?
Where will this desired What are the contexts of your

outcome occur? desired outcome?
4. When? What time frame?
When do you expect to reach

Where is it on your timeline?
your goal?
How likely is it that you will

Is your timeline realistic?
achieve it in that time frame?
5. With whom?
Is there anyone else involved

Who else will be involved?
in creating this outcome?
PROCESSES
6. Resources Needed
What resources will you

What do you need to do to
need in order to achieve your
achieve this?
outcome?
What are the internal resources?
What are the external How will you access these

resources? resources?
Are there any other resources required?
7. Actions steps and stages
Can you do this in one step or

What behaviors will move you
are there multiple steps to reach
to achieve your goal?
your goal?
Do you have a step-by-step

Are there stages in the process?
plan?
What are the specific processes and the specific steps and stages?
8. Self-initiated and maintained
Can you initiate the processes and behaviors?
Are the actions within your Are the actions dependent on

control? anyone else?
Can you maintain them over time?

9. Monitor and Feedback
What is your plan for monitoring how you are doing?

Who will provide you At what times? For what
feedback? behaviors?
What criteria will be used during the feedback?
SYSTEMS CHECK
10. Why Compelling

At this stage do you still find the outcome compelling and
motivating?
What inspires you to reach forward to this goal?
11. How it fits into your life and systems — Ecology check
Is the outcome balanced and Is the goal ecological for your

ecological for all the contexts health, relationships, values,
of your life? finances, faith, career, etc.?
12. Evidence of attainment
What procedure will you use to

How will you know when you
show evidence that you have
have achieved your outcome?
reached your goal?
How will you measure your progress and success?
13. Summarize
In summary, please re-state what you want to achieve.
And what steps will you take to achieve it? By when?
If you want to read concrete examples of coaching sessions using

the Well-Formed Outcome pattern, flip over to the Addendum
section of this book for detailed scripts of actual coaching
experiences (page 237).
FOLLOW-UP COACHING PATTERN
Since most coaching relationships at work run for several sessions,

this pattern is used to monitor the previous coaching sessions. It
is similar to the Well-Formed Outcome pattern, but included here
are options to begin the session.
1. After building rapport: As we begin this follow-up session,

would you want to talk about the previous session or take up a
different goal?
2a. If the coachee wants a different session
• Before we proceed to a new topic, may I inquire why we are
no longer discussing the previous session?
Usually the reasons for shifting are:

• It is accomplished.
• It is not yet accomplished, but it is no longer important to
you
• It is still important, but for one reason or another, you do
not want to talk about it
• This new goal is urgent, you would rather talk about it
now.
Given this shift, what do you plan to do with the previous goal?
Coachee’s options are:
• Dismiss it altogether.
• Postpone it till a future date or reason.
• Postpone it indefinitely.
Ecology check: Does the decision to postpone/ dismiss it fit with the
other commitments of your life?
Note:
If the coachee wants to discuss If the coach wants to
the issues why he is dismissing or move on to another
postponing the goal: topic:
Ask him what is getting in the
way, and given the obstacle, what
Just follow the WFO
resource he needs to overcome it
pattern all over again
(#6 of WFO pattern) followed by
the next questions.
2b. If client wants to build on previous session

• Great, so where are you now relative to last session’s goal?
Any breakthroughs or successes?
• What percentage of the goal have you completed?
• How do you feel about that? Congratulations!
• Were there breakdowns?
m What are the consequences of this breakdown? Do you
want that?
m Is the goal still compelling to you?
m What resources will you need to get this done?
m What do you need to do differently in order to overcome
the breakdown this time?

• What do you want at this stage now?
Whatever the coachee answers, from this point on, you can
proceed back to using the WFO pattern.
COACHING USING THE FEEDBACK PATTERNxxx
At work, there are two reasons to give feedback on behavior:
• When the co-worker or subordinate does something worth

commending or congratulating
• When the co-worker does something negative.
Sometimes the manager will need to do both.
This is the script used when the manager wants to give feedback
for misdemeanor, negative behavior or infraction. It’s one among
several scripts for giving feedback so this does not cover all
situations.
Giving feedback for negative behavior is not the favorite activity

of leaders. Many of them delay the process for fear of doing
something unpleasant — a delay that usually makes the matter
worse.
This pattern will reduce, if not eliminate, the unpleasantness of

giving feedback:
Steps Explanation Script

“I called you for a meeting because
I would like to discuss (recent
Be clear from the incident involving the subordinate
State the
start to state that requires feedback). As your
constructive
your purpose. It manager, I am concerned about
purpose of
should support your professional development and
the feedback
the subordinate‘s would like to ensure my full support
session.
development. by providing you helpful feedback.
Are you willing/ ready to receive
feedback?”
“During the incident (or series of
Use behavioral
incidents) I noticed you doing ______.
Describe words, not
I also heard you say_________, and
specifically attitude or
saw those around you react by saying
what interpretation of
_______ and acting ________.
you have what happened,
What can you say about my
observed. with no
observations? Do you agree?
judgment.
Disagree? Why?”
State what you

feel about the
“When the situation came to my
Describe your situation and
attention, I felt _____ about it. What
reactions. how you reacted
is your comment on this?”
when you learned
about it.
“May I ask what
Invite
happened from your
response:
point of view?”
E.g., Problem at
home. Cannot eat
in the morning,
so hunger caused
Possible poor performance.
responses: New assignment,
Ask the person to not yet proficient.
explain his side. Miscommunication
Give the other
Make sure to keep with co-workers. Lack
person an
quiet and listen. of resources. I was
opportunity
Clarify, if needed, provoked.
to respond.
to get the facts
straight. “When did the _____
(incident) exactly
happen? Who were the
people involved? Who
Clarify if
should be accountable
needed:
for what happened?
What happened
next? What were the
consequences of what
you did?”
“What will happen if you continue

this behavior?
How responsible do you feel about
Check Determine how
correcting the issue?
account- accountable
Why is it important to you to correct
ability/ the coachee
it?
willingness to feels about the
What will a change in behavior give
change. situation.
you?
What will the change take away
from you? “
Show respect
for the other “I would like to know your ideas on
person’s how you can correct the situation.”
Consult
maturity by “If it happens again, what would be
coachee for
allowing him to a better way of responding to the
ideas on
state what he situation?”
corrective/
think needs to be “How would you go about it?”
next action.
done to correct “Please provide detailed steps.”
or improve the “When and where will you do it?”
situation.
Check for
“What resources would you need?
internal and
Check Where will you get your resources
external
resources. from?”
resources.
After all your

efforts to draw
“May I offer some possible courses
them out, when
of action and see which ones might
the coachee has
work? What do you think about
run out of ideas,
Optional: these suggestions? (1, 2, 3) Which
you can then
Offer specific one would you want to try out? How
provide a
suggestions. would you go about it?
menu of at
What other suggestions do you
least 3 possible
have? What suggestions can we
solutions that
mutually agree on?”
the coachee can
choose from.
These questions
“How will you monitor your progress
Monitor/ are meant to
in correcting the situation?”
Check to ensure that the
“What criteria will you use to
ensure change process
measure your success?”
change/ will be fail-proof
“Whom will you be accountable to
success. and properly
in making this happen?”
monitored.
This question
ensures that the
Ecology coachee sees “How does this solution fit in with
check. how the solution other areas of your life?”
fits the other
areas of his life.
“So just to be clear, today we talked

about_____(the incident), and we
State the essential
came up with the following mutually
points of the
agreed resolutions.
discussion /
You plan to do the following… by
decisions/ actions.
(date and time) in order to (improve/
Summarize correct)”
and express
your support.
“I am confident that given your track
Reaffirm the other record, you are more than competent
person’s worth and to carry out your work better than
ability to overcome before.
setbacks. Is there anything else you want to talk
about?”
196
20. More Neuro-Semantic

Patterns for Leadersxxxi
T
his chapter presents merely five out of over 200
Neuro-Semantic Patterns or conversation scripts that
leaders can use in coaching their people through issues that
can adversely affect meaningful performance in the organization.
These patterns are helpful to facilitate the development of
leadership skills in the members and to view their experiences as
part of creative learning.
5 Neuro-Semantic Patterns and How They are

Useful for Leaders Who Coach
1. Transforming “Mistakes” into “Learning”

This pattern addresses the age-old malady injected by the
educational system that mistakes are taboo to be avoided at all
costs. This practice is so real that enough mistakes can throw one
out of a school. Ironically, one of the few times students allow
themselves to commit mistakes is to not cheat “perfectly” in
order to avoid suspicion. And so people enter into the workplace
detemined to avoid mistakes as much as possible, to avoid
incurring memos and salary deductions, or worse, getting fired.
The downside of this mindset is that most employees are now
taking the safe side at work and becoming risk-averse. Taking risk
is essential to leadership, creativity and innovation, which has
become a necessity if an organization is to remain cutting edge
and competitive for the 21st century business landscape. I have
seen this gap far too many times when I conduct creative problem-
solving and decision-making workshops, where employees have
long lost their creativity and just comply with company standards,
implement directives, and stay under the radar to keep their jobs.
198 More Neuro-Semantic Patterns for Leaders
Using this pattern, leaders can facilitate a transformed mindset.
2. Decision-Making Pattern
Closely related to the fear of making mistakes is the fear of making
decisions, especially if they have repercussions on organizational
results and direction. This pattern is fun to play with. It allows the
coachee a safe way to play in his mind how the possible solution
will work out, and even check it for possible setbacks, then ecology
check it for fit into the other components of the coachee’s life and
work commitments. In the process, the coachee can make the
necessary adjustments while the solution is still in the mental
blueprint.
3. The Decision-Destroyer Pattern

Making poor decisions is part of being human. The problem is
when we get stuck in them and continue to be adversely affected
by these decisions. There are also decisions made that were once
valid but now need to be replaced by more appropriate ones for
the present scenario.
4. The “As If” Pattern

Since today’s workplace has become too pragmatic and result-
oriented, there is hardly any time to be imaginative. We know that
this is a tragic development. Imagination allows for the flexibility
that is required when people take on new roles and conceptualize
new ways of doing things to enhance their professional and
competitive positions. The “as if” frame allows the leader to
facilitate ways for their people to “try on” new roles or ways of
doing things without the risk of bungling them.
5. Parts Negotiation Pattern

As people, there are certain values or roles we hold that conflict
with one another. A classic example is the conflict between being

a family man and a professional. At work, there are many conflicts:
between being a manager and a friend, protecting the interest of a
co-worker versus a client, or when two roles seem to interrupt each
other. This pattern facilitates a healthier relationship between
these conflicting parts so the employee is able to integrate and
provide the necessary boundaries in performing each role.
A Note on Using the Patterns
It is certainly a plus if you, as a leader, have already taken one

of the Neuro-Semantic Courses specific to coaching so you can
better understand how to use these patterns. However, Dr. Hall
explained to one of the Meta-Coaches that it takes a whole lot
to mess up another person’s neurology, and no part of the scripts
included here is designed to do that, so go ahead and try them on
the people you lead.
1. Transforming “mistakes” into “learning”xxxii
Making a mistake is one thing. Making the same mistake again and
again is another thing. If you ever find yourself repeatedly falling
into the same old pattern and wondering, “Did I not learn anything
before? Why am I doing this again? When will I learn?”, then you
may have somehow built a self-organizing frame that has put you
into a closed loop that keeps repeating.
Sometimes we organize our thinking, emoting and behaving to

accomplish an outcome, and then simply get into a pattern of
repeating it mindlessly. If the pattern even partially works, we
may subsequently simply fail to update it. We may no longer run a
reality test or a quality-control test on it.
Steps Script
What pattern or cluster of negative
responses occur over and over that you have
1. Identify the had enough of?
overused pattern.
What self-defeating behavior do you keep
indulging in?
What are the limiting beliefs that contribute
to or support this pattern?
2. Identify
What ideas, frames, understanding, decisions
supporting, limiting
and feelings do you keep using to persevere in
beliefs that keep the
this pattern?
pattern operating.
What context, feedback or other factors do
you somehow keep ignoring?
3. Identify an
What is another negative experience that
experience of similar
exemplifies this response?
structure.
When you compare the negative experiences
4. Worst- to something worse that could have
case-scenario happened, but did not, what do you feel?
comparison. Do you feel thankful or relieved that
something worse did not happen?
How did the negative experience actually

cause or contribute to something positive at
5. Explore positive some later point in time?
side effects. Which useful things in your life would never
have happened without these seemingly
negative events?
6. Find the positive What were the positive intentions behind

intentions behind that negative event? What were the positive
the negative events. intentions of the others involved?
7. Find positive What positive significance could that event

meanings to have meant on some other level?
negative events.
Take these positive learnings and resources

8. Re-edit. and return to a time before all the negative
events occurred and use them as you relive
them.
2. Decision-making patternxxxiii
Sometimes we struggle with indecisiveness. Yet, because our

experience of “making a decision” involves using our internal
mental movies, producing better decisions involves using the
appropriate representational systems in the most efficient
sequence. We generally find it difficult to “feel” a good choice and
to make good decisions without comparing alternatives visually.
With this pattern we can produce decisions of higher quality.
The word “decision” refers to the process of deciding between

alternatives. As we move back and forth between alternatives,
first considering or choosing one then the other, we need to do so
from a meta-position that allows us a larger perspective of things.
The most effective decision making involves using resourceful
meta-states for clear-minded observing and for applying the
highest values and principles.
Steps Script
What decision would you like to make?
1. Identify a
decision area. Do you have a well-formed outcome of what you
want the decision to do for you?
2. Access First allow yourself to see one possible decision

one visual and the solution that follows from it.
possibility. Describe what this solution looks like.
3. Meta- As you think about the possible options and see

comment about what you do, what thoughts and feelings come to
the option. mind?
4. Access a As you do this, just notice what it feels like for you
kinesthetic to have this option.
response. Do you like this option as you look at it?
5. Repeat What other possibilities do you have? See them,

for other feel them. Does this take into consideration all the
alternatives. significant options you can think of?
Now that you have seen and felt all of these

possibilities, I want you to step back from them
and take a meta-position above them. As you do,
6. Go meta to what criteria will you use to make your decision?
select the best.
Which of these standards is the most important?
Second most important?
Which option do you think meets most of your
criteria?
Having selected the most desirable solution, when

you put this option into your mental movie and
7. Future-pace.
fully play it out, how does it work and fit into your
life and future?
Are you fully aligned with this?

Does any part object to this option?
8. Check for What do you need in order to integrate that
objections. objection into the option?
What price will you pay for this choice?
What price will you pay for another choice?
3. The decision-destroyer pattern xxxiv
Sometimes, in moving through life, we just make some poor

decisions. Afterwards, those decisions become part of our mental
map and then operate as a psychological force in our mind-body
system that undermines and sabotages today’s actions and
feelings. This pattern destroys such limiting, destructive and
unenhancing decisions.
Decisions, as part of our mental maps, provide specific instructions

about what to do. While a decision in one context and at one time
may function well for our benefit, these decisions can become
outdated and useless as contexts and times change. This pattern
allows us to alter the decisions that we have constructed.
Note: This pattern requires the coach to know about anchors

and how to apply them. See Addendum (page 252) for more
information about anchoring.
Steps Script
Have you ever made a limiting and self-

sabotaging decision? What did you decide and
1. Identify a how was it limiting for you?
limiting decision
that you still live When did you adopt this decision?
with.
How long have you lived with it? How has it
become ineffective for you now?
What would be a much more powerful,

enhancing and desirable decision?
2. Identify an What would you want to accomplish by this
enhancing new decision?
decision you’d like
How would it help you to feel and think and act
to live by.
more resourcefully? As you now fully access
that enhancing decision that served you so
much better, feel it and anchor it.
Now float back on the wings of time and

relaxation to a time when you made a poor or
limiting decision and see that younger you from
3. Float above above your timeline…. That’s right … and now
your time line float down into the experience so that you can
back to when you feel it again for the last time … and let’s anchor
made the limiting this feeling.
decision.
And now with this feeling (fire anchor) …
just float back even further to perhaps other
instances of this limiting decision and do so
until you get back to the earliest instance of this
limiting decision.
Now let’s step out of that and float back up

above your timeline so that you can fully re-
access your enhancing decision (fire anchor).
4. Access
Good. And as you do let’s go back 15 minutes
resourceful
prior to that old limiting decision. That’s right,
decision.
and now just float back down and into that
younger you, bringing with you that enhancing
decision fully and completely.
As you do, bring these enhancing resources

5. Experience the
with you, letting them completely change your
old situation with
awareness and feelings as you experience the
new resources.
effects of this new decision.
Now with all of these new resources vibrating

6. Then quickly and filling up your awareness, I want you to very
zoom up through quickly zoom up through time with them …
your timeline to letting them affect and transform many, many
the present. other things in your life … and come all the way
back up to the now… to this moment.
7. Stop and And now stop … here … in this moment … and

integrate in the fully integrate this experience and wonder,
present. really wonder, how this empowering decision
will play out into your future in the days, weeks
and months to come.
4. The “as if” framexxxv
The “as if” frame refers to the idea of pretending to experience

a state, emotion, behavior or way of operating in the world.
Developed from Vaihinger, this process provides a way to use our
constructive imaginative skills in order to instruct our brains-
bodies about what a particular “reality” would look like, sound like
or feel like. This process allows us to expand our maps and thereby
our repertoire of choices.
If a person seems unable to even “imagine” a particular experience,

have them model another person. Use this process to practice via
pretending until you construct and install the resource.
While we can equally use the “as if” frame for therapeutic and self-
development issues, it provides a tool in business for developing
new skills as we first play the role. This allows us to try out new
behaviors and ways of operating without needing to “feel” that we
are “really” there yet.
Steps Script
What way of thinking, feeling, speaking, behaving
1. Identify or relating would you like to have and experience?
the desired As you fully describe this desired experience in
experience. descriptive (see, hear, feel) terms, notice what you
are beginning to feel.
Go inside and say, “I give myself permission to use

2. Give yourself the ‘as if’ frame to turn this new behavior, feeling
full permission or belief into my reality.”
to step into the
What happens when you say this inside? Any
desired frame.
sense of an objection? If so, then add, “I give
myself permission to use the pretend frame as a
step to truly believing …”
What is it like when you fully pretend that you

3. Construct the have stepped into such experience that you are
“as if” frame beginning to see, hear and feel things through
and step into it that perspective?
fully.
How are you experiencing that state in your body?
What would someone else see as they look at
you?
At this point don’t worry about what it feels like.

If it is new and different, then it will (and should)
4. Run an feel weird, strange, uncomfortable, not-me.
evaluation
check. How useful would this be for you? What can you
learn from this in terms of empowering some
aspects of your life or relationships?
5. Future pace. Suppose now that you took this way of thinking,
feeling or acting into your future and went out a
year, five years … Just imagine…
6. Permit Do you like the benefits and consequences of this

yourself to use experience enough to give yourself permission to
the “as if” frame keep using it and experimenting with it until it
until it becomes habituates as your style of responding?
installed.
5. Parts Negotiation Patternxxxvi
A Part of the Whole

When we have one “part” or facet that enters into a conflict
relationship with another part in such a way that it initiates self-
interrupting and self-sabotaging processes, we experience an
internal “fight” between these two parts. It is not uncommon
that people will often live for years, even decades or perhaps for
an entire lifetime, with such internal conflict raging within. The
problem with this is that it wastes tremendous amounts of energy,
sabotages effectiveness, and makes us incongruent.
The Parts Negotiation Pattern provides the process to change this.

Through this pattern, we can put a stop to the conflict between
the parts and negotiate for peace. In this approach, we view each
“part” as having a valid purpose and function, one that simply gets
in the way and interferes with the other part. Accepting this, we
then simply construct a way so that both parts can sequence their
activities and create a win-win solution for both.
The process involves finding and accessing each part first,

discovering the purpose, role and positive intention of each,
finding out how they interrupt each other, and inviting each to
sequence their activities so that they don‘t interrupt the other. It‘s
that simple.
Steps Script
What part of you does this conflicting behavior?
1. Identify
the parts. What part of your mind-body-emotion system
creates this emotion or thought?
What do you call this facet of yourself?
What does each part want?
2. Determine What is the meta-outcome of each part? When it

the desired obtains the first level outcome, what does it get from
outcomes that, which is even more important?
and positive What is the positive function that part X expresses?
intentions.
What is the positive intention behind or above part?
Y?
Does each of these parts understand and value the
role and function of the other part?
3. Engage the Does part X understand what part Y is seeking to do

parts. that‘s of value?
As each of these parts communicate and learn from
the other what it‘s seeking and understand the
problem that results from these interruptions, what
does each now know and realize?
Part X, do you value your own function enough so
that if part Y will agree to not interrupt you, you will
do the same in return?
4. Negotiate Would that be a fair exchange?

an Go inside and check to see if you have an internal
agreement. sense of “yes” or “no” in response to that question.
Have the parts reached an agreement yet?
What else do they need to know to do so?
What other resource would bring about an
agreement?
Will each of these parts be willing to cooperate for
5. Make a the next week to see if this is a workable solution? If
deal. during this time, either part becomes dissatisfied for
any reason, will you create a signal to let me know
the time has come to renegotiate? Good. Thank each
part.
6. Run an Do any other parts play a role in this process?

ecology Do any other parts interrupt this part? If so,
check. renegotiate.
G. AIM
HIGHER!
Taking the Long-
Term View
Creating a Coaching Culture Within
How Does One Become a Meta-Coach?
210
21. Creating a Coaching Culture

Within
Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what
they have — and underestimate the value of what they may gain
by giving that up.
— James Belasco and Ralph Stayer
A
ll efforts at learning to coach can be best realized
if the leaders create a coaching culture within the
organization. Without this, all efforts will be haphazard
at best and worse, some investment will have already been
underwritten yet the return on investment (ROI) is not yet
forthcoming. This is the case of some companies who have dipped
their feet into the water of the coaching system temporarily but
were not willing to carry it through.
To make this to happen, I refer to Dr. John Kotter’s 8 Steps to

Leading Bold Change, with the bold change of setting up a coaching
culture within the organization. I am privileged to be the first
certified Filipino facilitator of the Leading Bold Change Franchise
in partnership with Cornerstone Consultancy. I will use that
technology to outline the steps to creating a sustainable coaching
culture in the organization.
These steps have been tried by top companies worldwide for

decades and have been proven to work as long as the proponents
are determined to keep each step to heart and provide resources
to pursue them.
212 Creating a Coaching Culture Within
Step 1: Raise the Sense of Urgency
Since people are so used to the old way of doing things — in this case,
the command and control top-down management — the coaching
approach will require an overhaul of the leadership mindset, skills
and behavior. Is it worth it? This is the question that the leaders
will have to mull over and answer as a team. To help expedite the
answer, the leaders need to look throughout the organization for
signs and evidence that the old form of management is causing
more harm than good, and in the long-term, will undermine the
organization’s growth, well-being and productivity.
Dr. Kotter warned that failing to raise the sense of urgency for most
sectors of the organization will result in a nice-to-have feeling
about coaching, which will be treated as a fad. The rubber band
effect of change notes that at least 70 percent of change initiatives
fail, as after being momentarily stretched by change, people will
want to revert to their old ways.
One sign that the sense of urgency has been raised throughout the
organization is when people from different levels show interest
in coaching and even volunteer to be trained, with a growing
excitement over this change, and also a healthy discontent with
the leadership practices.
Activities include:
1. Research/survey of the pros and cons of current leadership/
management practices and relationships.
2. Surfacing of personal and professional developmental
needs of the employees and how current leadership styles
of managers are meeting or failing to meet them.
3. 360-degree feedback of managers on their current

leadership practices and impact on the organization.
4. Contrasting similar organizations that have the same
management style as yours vs. other organizations that
use alternative styles, including coaching.
5. Thresholding projections of where the company might end
up in five or 10 years if current management styles remain.
Step 2. Set up the Guiding Coalition
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned

citizens can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that
ever has.
– Margaret Mead
No change survives the test of time and tradition unless there is a

solid set of influential, teachable and united team that is willing
to champion it throughout the process. Here, the leader will select
people from different levels and departments (usually 6 to 12) who
will carry the banner of coaching culture. This team needs to be one
in purpose, and has no prima donnas with delusions of personal
grandeur. It would be even better if this team is predisposed to
learning the coaching discipline and mindset.
Activities include:
1. Setting up the criteria should be part of the guiding coalition
(include: strategic contribution to the organization, level
of influence on others, team-player qualities, openness to
change and to learn the coaching discipline, representative
of different sectors of the company).
2. Teambuilding of the guiding coalition to:
a. Get to know and develop stronger bonds

b.Leveling and aligning of expectations among the
members
c. Setting team ground rules and norms
d.Preparation for the task ahead
Step 3. Craft the Change Vision and Strategy
The first order of business for this guiding team will be to architect
the coaching culture program, from identifying the vision,
mission, values specific to coaching, and then the corporate
strategy for deploying the coaching culture. There has to be a
broad representation from different sectors and layers so the plan
will include different interest groups and stakeholders.
Activities Include:
1. Crafting of change vision in building the coaching culture.
2. Strategic planning for embedding coaching.
3. Tasking of roles.
4. Overview of the coaching culture programs and activities.
5. Plans for the next steps in driving change.
Step 4. Communicate for Understanding and Buy-In
Now comes the fun part — the road show — to all levels concerned
and involved! This information campaign aims to raise an
awareness of the impending change and how their work life will be
better as a result, plus the needed adjustments to accommodate
it. This campaign needs to be two-way in order to allow different
divisions of the organization to express their sentiments,
questions, unclarity, even reservations, so they can feel listened
to. Their issues should then be properly addressed so all possible

blocks to implementation can be ironed out soonest. Managers
will remember well that, as much as this initiative is to enhance
the company performance, every single person is always asking:
WIIFM (what’s in it for me)?
Activities include:
• Ads/jingles/articles on coaching will be made available
and visible throughout the organization.
• Coaching clinics and demonstrations to showcase the
coaching difference.
• Fora/townhall meetings to discuss coaching topics and
issues.
• Feedback mechanism through suggestion/question box
(real or virtual) and quick response time.
Step 5. Empower Others to Act
This is the equipping and tooling part. The pioneering pool of

coaches will first be coached and then go through coaching
workshops. Even the coachees will go through orientation so they
will know what to expect and benefit from the coaching exercise.
The training program will usually consist of:

A. For the coaches
1. Coaching workshop for managers (3 to 6 days)
2. Coaching the coach (3 to 6 one-on-one sessions)
3. Shadowing the coach (4 sessions)
4. Coaching Laboratory (bi-monthly coaching practices)
B. For the coachees

1. Coachee orientation
2. Actual coaching sessions
Step 6. Create Short-Term Wins
Establishing milestones and measuring gradual success is the

name of the game at this stage to encourage people to build the
practice of coaching. Thankfully, a well-implemented coaching
practicum that follows the coaching workshops usually yields
many short-term results.
Activities Include:
• In this practicum phase, the newly-minted coaches enter
into a coaching contract with a chosen direct report or
member.
• Coaching relationships will run for three to five months for
three to six sessions.
• During this period, a licensed professional coach will
shadow the sessions and provide feedback to the coach in
terms of how the latter has demonstrated the coaching
skills.
• Once done with the practicum, the coach can begin to
coach other members.
• A process of gathering and sharing personal and
performance breakthroughs as a result of coaching will be
shared to relevant sectors of the organization
Step 7. Do Not Let Up
Building on momentum to prevent the rubber band syndrome is

the goal of this stage so the coaching practice now becomes a part
of the life of the organization.
Activities include:
• Weekly or bi-monthly coaching laboratories where the
first batch of participants practice the coaching skills and

learn or refresh their learning on aspects of the coaching
psychology and discipline.
• Some key managers can move on to take professional
certification as internal coaches.
• The next batch of coaches will go for coaching training.
• More members of the organization will be coached on
personal and professional goals.
• Continuing celebrations for breakthroughs resulting from
the coaching practice.
Step 8. Embed Coaching in the Company Culture
This last step will cement coaching as a way of life for the company,
aside from the ongoing activities in the previous steps.
this step will include:

• Creating relevant policies on the coaching practice
• Including coaching in the company literature
• Making coaching as part of the manager’s KPI
• Assigning retirees to become ambassadors and in-house
coaches for younger leaders
• Hiring professional coaches for regular service
218
22. How Does One Become a

Meta-Coach?
Meta-Coaching is first learned as a science before one practices
the art.
– Dr. L. Michael Hall
L
et’s get one thing clear. In this day and age, anyone
can become a coach. There are many countries where a
professional license is not required to coach. In fact, we noted
that many coaches are self-certified or copy-and-paste coaches as
I was for seven years before my formal certification.
But to possess the skills of

a world-class coach, that
takes a lifetime of training,
benchmarking and thousands
of hours of coaching practice.
The Meta-Coaches in the

Philippines practice weekly so
Fig 14: Meta-Coaches in Weekly Practice
we can sharpen our skills and Sessions
get to be coached between two

to four times a month.
The Fast Track System
To fast track the process requires training under a world-class

system. The Meta-Coaching system provides training and
credentialing bar none.
220 How Does One Become a Meta-Coach?
To illustrate what the Meta- What some professional

Coaching system can do for coaches take years to
your career, I turn to the develop can already
experience of my fellow Meta- be taught scientifically
Coach and Neuro-Semantic through the Meta-
Trainer Sheila Tan. Before she Coaching system in
become a certified Meta-Coach months.
in 2013, she got prior training
with another coaching system.
Just a few months after her Meta-Coaching certification, she was
invited by a former mentor and seasoned coach (let’s call her SC
Gina) to coach her clients that include executives.
The way SC Gina described it, Sheila was able to demonstrate

and explain through the Meta-Coaching discipline what Gina
has developed only by instinct and after more than 20 years of
experience as a coach.
Sheila’s experience shows that what some professional coaches

take years to develop can already be taught scientifically through
the Meta-Coaching system in months.
Of course, there is no substitute for practice and experience, and

we take nothing from Sheila’s previous experiences as a coach, but
she and a host of certified Meta-Coaches would say that the 14
days and three modules have leveled their game in a way no other
experience was able to accomplish.
Everyone has heard the quote “practice makes perfect, “ but the
NLP presupposition is clear that practice makes permanent. So
practicing the right skills will make them stick long-term. And
practicing the wrong coaching habits will also make them stick.
Fig 15: Meta-Coaching Model
The Certification Process
To become a Meta-Coach, there are three main steps totaling 14

days of training broken down into three modules. Each module
represents how a person processes events that affect the way
he thinks, which affect how he feels, speaks and behaves. We
are referring to a person‘s state, a dynamic, integration of one‘s
thinking, feeling and behaving that operate as one.
So it has been established that the quality of a person‘s state

determines the quality of his life.
Our states change, on some days often, and the changes determine
how effectively or ineffectively we deal with events around us.
The big challenge then is how to reduce or remove states that

are inappropriate to a given event (like how to remove fear and
shyness when delivering a speech in public) and access a useful
state, then sustain it as required.
It is for this reason that the discipline of NLP was developed.
Module 1: Accelerated Coaching Essentials
Accelerated Coaching Essentials is also known as the fundamentals

of NLP for coaching.
NLP is a powerful system of thinking that can accelerate the

achievement of your personal and professional goals…
— Jack Canfield, The Success Principles
NLP is like the “user’s manual” for the mind, and allows us to use
the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and
desired outcomes.
When you learn NLP, you learn specific skills and patterns necessary
to make positive changes, create new choices, be more effective
with others, break free of old habits, self-destructive patterns and
behaviors, and think more clearly about what it is you want and
how to get it.
In essence, if an event happens and it impacts a person, the person

normally saves a movie of the event in his mind. This stored movie
will have cinematic features like:
Features Possible Range

Color Full color Sepia Black and white
Motion Fast moving Normal Slow or still
Audio Loud Soft Muted
Size IMAX Projector Smartphone
Distance from
30+ feet 5 feet A few inches
viewer
Association Outside In and out Immersive
The added benefit of Module 1 is that later, if one decides to take

certification as an NLP practitioner which usually takes seven to 12
days, then Module 1 is already equivalent to the first three days of
the practitioner course.
Three-day Introduction to Coaching with NLP
This three-day program introduces coaching essentials to those

new to Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Coaching, and sets
you off on a life-altering learning journey. You’ll graduate from
this module with:
• The tools and confidence to produce peak performance
states in yourself and others, including coaching clients.
• Powerful NLP tools to help you hear other people, ask
precise questions that get to the heart of understanding,
and shape behavior through non-judgmental behavioral
feedback.
• Skills to overcome barriers and blockages in your own life
and your clients’.
• An inspiring start to a career as an internationally certified
Meta-Coach.
Module 2 :Coaching Genius Certification

Three-day Introduction to Coaching with Neuro-Semantics
In Module 2, you learn the extraordinary Neuro-Semantics Meta-

States Coaching Model that is frequently described as “magical.”
Experience the joy and excitement of unlocking the natural genius
in yourself and others, and find the skills, confidence and drive to
create your successful coaching business.
This course gives new and experienced coaches the power to:
• Enrich your experience of life – find more passion and
satisfaction in relationships, career and health.
• Eliminate attitudes and blockages that have limited you
in the past — low self-esteem, lack of control, inability to
act on your ideas.
• Really sharpen your focus so that you experience life at
optimum level — all the time and effortlessly.
• Become licensed to use more than 200 cutting-edge
coaching patterns.
• Think like an entrepreneur and blow out excuses for not
achieving business success — lack of confidence, financial
insecurity, fear of failure, not knowing what to do.
• Achieve extraordinary results by thinking and working
systemically.
• Use the 26 questions from the revolutionary Meta-States
model for effortlessly navigating reflexivity and increasing
emotional intelligence (EQ).
• Develop essential language skills for Developmental
Coaching (coaching beliefs, values and identity).
• Enrich your and your client’s experience of life — find more
passion and satisfaction in relationships, wealth, career
and health.
Module 2 is called Coaching Genius or Accessing Personal Genius

(APG).
What is genius and why is it important for success?
It‘s not that I‘m so smart, it‘s just that I stay with problems
longer.
– Albert Einsteinxxxvii
When I was a kid, a memorable milk advertisement

gathered together some of the child prodigies
who have accelerated learning abilities, many
of whom were predicted to enter college at 13.
Beside these amazing brains, every other child
watching the commercial felt dumb.
Now as adults, these intellectual stars had a recent reunion,

and if you expected them to have larger-than-life experiences
today, you would be disappointed because all of them have
jobs and lifestyles no different from the next Joe, and some
even had to suffer the humiliation of being mocked for using all
that stellar IQ to be a… photographer. I am just relaying here
the experience of one of the gifted children, so I have nothing
against photographers or their IQ’s, but I will say something
about that in a while.
But this is the point — that genius has less to do with the traditional
understanding than those with exceptional IQ. The very model of
genius himself says it so well:
It‘s not that I‘m so smart, it‘s just that I stay with problems
longer.
From Einstein’s experience, genius is then defined as a person’s

capacity to sustain a laser beam focus on an activity so the world
fades away around him, even the ego fades, and the person is able
to have a greater awareness of the reality in front of him, and
better understand it.
Dr. Michael Hall and the Neuro-Semanticists, modeling from

excellent performers from different fields, learned that these
exemplars are able to achieve these laser focus states, or be in the
zone of high performance, whenever they need to.
A photographer then can enter into a genius

state, habituated by some of the world’s top
photographers who, more often than not, are
able to take some of the most amazing shots.
And like Einstein, most of them simply persist in
waiting for that perfect shot more than others.
Think National Geographics where these nature photographers
wait for weeks on end in either sub-zero or sweltering hot
weather, putting self at risk, just to be able to take the perfect
shot of a wild and dangerous animal in its natural habitat.
Since the genius state is what brings the best of passion,

commitment and results in us, in whatever field of endeavor
(leading, teaching, parenting, technical skill, team collaboration,
yes, computer games!), then the question is, how can a person
access the genius state in any activity at will and whenever
necessary?
How can a boss, still shaken from his son’s recent accident, and
concerned about the late product delivery for a demanding client,
enter into the genius state of fully listening to the concerns of
the union officers and make the best decision for the good of all
parties involved?
My wife has mastered getting in and out of genius states, from

being able to fully participate in a whole day of meetings in
Singapore with a throbbing migraine, while remote parenting and
coordinating with other clients.
She also used to enter into a mad genius state during an argument,
frowned expression and all, appearing to ignore me, snorting in
between, and then when informed of a client call, shift state in a
split second to fully entertain the person on the other line with the
sweetest and most engaging voice!
At one time or another, we have accessed these genius states and

have even flowed out of one into another.
Why Flow from One Genius State to Another?
Because that is usually the human problem. Think of the great

superstars we adored — from Michael Jordan to Tiger Woods, to
Clinton, to Lance Armstrong, to ABBA, to Jennifer Aniston, Tom
Cruise... The list goes on. At one point, they failed miserably in
another serious commitment in their lives: marriage and family.
Which means that they failed to flow out of one genius state
(golf, basketball, acting, etc…) and into another (loving, faithful,
patient, listening husband). The different departments or roles in
life require a different genius state.
Module 2: APG has 14 patterns to practice in this module, all of

them identified as the prerequisites of genius. To be able to access
the states necessary for full engagement at will, one needs to
install these 14 patterns.
Coaching Genius Content
Introducing Meta-States — Modeling self-reflexive

consciousness
• Introduction to working with meta-cognitive abilities,

recognizing and monitoring your self-reflexive awareness,
stepping out of meta-confusion. Meta-stating learning:
Accessing the experience of accelerated learning.
Practicing the Meta-Stating Patterns
Neuro-
What the Pattern
Semantics Performance Issues
Does
Patterns
When the client finds Allows the client
it hard to distinguish to set healthy
between what he is boundaries for one’s
responsible for (his responsibility versus
own thoughts, feelings, other people’s, so
Power Zone
words, and actions) and can choose not to
for personal
what others should be be affected by what
empowerment
responsible for. Confusion others say or do that
results in children who may have nothing
blame themselves for to do with him. He
their parent’s misdeeds, or can then respect and
people who blame others allow them to do
for their own misfortunes. what they choose
Grounding one’s
Meta-Stating For the client whose identity on
self to create performance or unconditional self-
self-acceptance, development at work is worth and dignity
appreciation, affected by issues of self- ensures a more stable
esteem worth and self-rejection. flow of work and
relationships
By transforming
beliefs, the client can
Belief change
When the client has better manage the
to transform
limiting beliefs that get in higher levels of your
limiting belief
the way of excellence and mind, which sends
into powerful
diminish him as a person. more up-building
conviction
commands to his
nervous system.
When the client does
not take much pleasure Layers the mundane
in tasks that he needs task with meaningful
Pleasuring and to perform as part of his pleasure.
de-pleasuring deliverables.
for higher levels Conversely, when the
of motivation client takes too much Reduce or remove the
and joy pleasure in behaviors destructive pleasure
and habits that have from unproductive
become unproductive or habits.
destructive.
Allows client to layer
Meta-Stating When the client has
useful emotions above
Troubling trouble expressing some
troubling emotions,
Emotions for emotions that they end up
in the same way that
Emotional disrupting his activities or
all virtues are layered
Intelligence relationships.
emotions.
When the client has

Meta-Stating made meanings that are
Reframing concepts
concepts: beginning to unmake him,
and meanings can
conceptual de- i.e, preventing him from
heal the person.
program achieving his highest
goals.
Taming, transforming
and sometimes
slaying toxic states
Dancing with involves meta-
When the client’s
dragons: stating negative
thinking and emotional
Transforming emotions and taboos
states are turned against
the energy of with acceptance,
himself, creating dragon
unresourceful appreciation, and
states or self-sabotage.
states understanding,
and clears the path
for productive
transformation.
Turns principles into

Meta-Stating neuro-semantic states
When clients who struggle
implementation so that client can
to translate what they
for closing the actualize in everyday
know, desire, and believe
“knowing-doing life the things that
in into concrete action.
gap” he knows, believes in,
intends, desires, etc.
When clients are stuck

Possibility in conventional thinking Essential for genius
thinking: think about an issue, and will states, creativity,
out of the box need to think outside the entrepreneurship, etc.
box for solutions.
The synthesis of the

When clients experience
two dimensions of
attention deficit disorder
mind: attention and
Intentionality — that is, when their
highest intention,
pattern: taking daily attentions are not
creates will and
an intentional aligned with their highest
conscious focus
stance intention or goal, resulting
to direct everyday
in a sense of frustration
attentions to one’s
and failure.
purpose.
Facilitates the ability

to enter into a
commitment state or
Meta-Stating When clients have a hard focus state of “flow”.
the “flow” time performing optimally Accessing the
state: Accessing in a role, and moving personal genius of
Personal Genius from one role to another impeccable state
(APG) effectively. shifting, focus, self-
trust, commitment,
and ability to get lost
in the moment.
Allows them to
distinguish which are
When clients, in plotting a legitimate excuses
Excuse
concrete action plan, are and which are merely
blow-out to
overwhelmed with excuses shells of empty
effectively
for why the plan cannot be excuses to blow out
execute goals
carried out. and not interrupt
their implementation
again.
When clients have an

The “Spinning
internal conflict between
Icons” pattern
Spinning Icons two important values or
offers a process for
for congruence beliefs that seem to be
congruence to bring
to resolve at odds with each other
an end to internal
internal but will need to either
conflicts that may
conflicts reconcile, synthesize, or
undermine your focus
make a definite choice
and clarity.
between them.
This is great if you

When clients find it hard
Meta- want more mastery
to align daily activities,
Alignment for and congruence in the
everyday activities with
congruence way you work, play,
their highest values,
and integrity or move through the
purposes, and beliefs.
world.
Module 3: Associate Certified Meta-Coach (ACMC)

Eight-day Coaching Mastery Training
This advanced training module involves more than 180 hours

of coach-specific education. It is ideal for those who want to
become a professional coach, or those committed to personal
development and self-mastery.
It will equip you with cutting-edge skills and business strategies

for coaching in any or all of the following coaching specialties:
Executive Coaching
Coach CEOs, leaders and executives for optimum personal
performance, motivational mastery, and outstanding business
results.
Personal – Life Coaching

Coach individuals to take charge of their lives and transform
their career, relationships, health, personal development and
spirituality.
Organizational – Group Coaching

Coach groups of people to become high-performing teams.
Self-Coaching
Apply NLP and Neuro-Semantics coaching patterns to yourself for
profound life transformation and personal mastery.
This uplifting eight-day training program will challenge you to

grow into power in the following three areas:
Your authenticity as a coach:

• You’ll emerge with a sharp, highly focused understanding
of yourself and your life aspirations.
• Your highest abilities and individual powers will be thrown
into sharp relief; you will discover the place from which
you will excel and be empowered to coach with and from
this authenticity.
• You’ll gain the credibility and confidence from a thorough
grounding in the most advanced cognitive behavioral
coaching models in the field, including the unique Matrix
Model and the Axes of Change Models.
• ACMC accreditation
“Meta-Coaching
allows you to use represents all high
Meta-Coaching caliber presenters who
methodologies and are actively involved in
patterns with your the profession, and who
are a credit to the field ...
clients.
and very knowledgeable.
• Facilitate extraordinary Fantastic!”
results for your clients – Rhonda Coles, Career
by knowing exactly Coach, Sydney, Australia
what to do when in the
coaching context.
• Learn how to help clients create a business plan with a
comprehensive yet simple planning methodology.
• Enjoy the confidence of knowing that your professional
development is sustainable. You’ll learn advanced skills
for benchmarking yourself and your clients for ongoing
growth and development.
Your coaching business

• Embark on the exhilarating journey towards your dream
business. You’ll gain the confidence and skills to build a
highly-successful coaching practice that reflects your

values, professional ethics and life ambitions.
• Learn from people who are at the pinnacle of their
profession. Fast-track your own business by hearing,
questioning and replicating the practices of four expert
coaches as you ask them about their marketing strategies,
invaluable contacts, even their business secrets.
• Learn business models for marketing, how to charge, how
to position and advertise yourself in the marketplace and
more.
• Grow your wealth. Learn how to create a coaching business
that is both professionally and financially rewarding.
For more information on becoming a Meta-Coach:
Breakthrough Coaching and Consulting Inc (BCCI)

+632.411.9370; +632920.9502863
brkthru.coaching@gmail..com
Facebook/brkthrucoaching
Other References:
www.neurosemantics.com
www.meta-coaching.org
H. REINFORCE
Addendum
• Actual coaching experiences
• Some Thoughts on the
Founder of Meta-Coaching
• The Effects of Coaching on Me
• The Power of Meta-Programs
• The Anchoring Pattern
Three Coaching Assessments:
• Self-Analysis for Coaches
• What Undermines Your Coaching Practice
• Are You Ready to Benefit from Coaching? (For clients)
236
Actual Coaching Experiences
T
hese three coaching experiences give the reader an
inner view of what goes on in a coaching session.
Portions of it follow the Well-Formed Outcome Script found on

page 187.
Coaching the HR Head
This is an example of using a coaching pattern called Movie Mind,

which Dr. Michael Hall discussed in his book of the same title. NLP
is able to track memories that are saved as movies in the mind
with all the known cinematic features that we are familiar with
in watching real movies. Observe the coaching conversation
displaying these features:
She wants to be assured that the move towards pursuing her

longtime dream to be a trainer is not merely a cop-out response
to a sinking feeling of failing her current endeavor as an HR head.
I asked her how she wants to go about ensuring this is not a cop-
out response, and she said she needed to deal with the voices in
her head.
“What do they say?” I asked.
She said, “Here you go again, failing as you have done before.”
I asked her where these voices come from and she said first it is a
composite of what elders and family have been telling her all these
years. Then she admitted that it has now become what she tells
herself. I asked her where this voice is located and after hesitating
238 Actual Coaching Experiences
for a while she pointed to about half a foot behind and above her
head.
“Was it just a voice?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see a picture when you recall these voices?
She was puzzled by the question for a while. Then she said: “Come
to think of it, when you asked about a picture, I saw a figure of an
alien. No, more like a green Casper the ghost behind my head.”
I asked how it affected her and she said it weighed her down at a
level 10.
I inquired if she was OK with that number and she answered

a definite no. I asked where she wanted it to go and she replied
zero. But she also added that she wants to respect the process and
knows that it takes time for it to be completely gone.
So I asked her again what she wanted to do with the ghost behind
her head and she said she wanted it to be gone.
“Do you know how to do that?”
She recalled that the ghostbusters team has a contraption that

sucks out a ghost. So she used it, and sucked out the ghost and
contained it in the box beside her.
I told her to check the number of being weighed down and she
assessed it at 4.
I asked if she was OK with 4.
She said no, she wanted zero, but repeated that she respects the
process and that it takes time to heal.
“So what’s still weighing you down at 4?” I asked.
Now she points to her heart as the one in pain. Interestingly, she
pointed to her heart as the source of her growth and freedom a
while back, and the mind was the hindrance. But now she pointed
to her heart as the source of pain.
Coach’s Questions Client’s Answers

What does the pain feel like in
An arrow that pierced my heart
your body?
Part jutting out in front while the
How deep are you pierced? other end pierced right through
my heart
What do you feel? Level 4 pain (out of 10)
What do you want to do with
Pull it out
this?
So now that you’ve pulled it
out, what is the level of pain A level 3
now?
What is there at 3? A wounded hole was left
What do you want to do with
I want to close the wound.
this?
You want to close it now? Yes.
So what’s the number now? It’s a 1 now.
Do you want this at 1? I want a 0.
Lift it in prayer, but it will take
How will you make it a 0?
time.
What do you believe about
Is it that easy?
prayer and time?
I know He (God) heals but does it

What do you think?
happen instantly?
What is your experience about (After a pause)
prayer? There are instant healings.
Is that what you want? I’m not sure I want to let go of the
wound altogether.
So what does it serve you to That I am not perfect. A reminder
keep the wound? of my weakness.
So how does it serve you to Actually, it does not really serve

know you are wounded? me.
What purpose does the voice
serve when it says you are not For me to argue with it!
good enough?
Do you want that argument? Actually I’m tired of it.

So what to do now? Silence the voice…
Can you do it? Yes.
How do you do that? Like turning a mute button.
Have you muted it? Yes.
How about the wound? Lift it up to Him.
Can you do it now? (Tears flowed. )
What does God have to do with He was wounded too.
wounds, I wonder?
And what became of the
Some became scars.
wounds?
A reminder of the pain and
What were the scars for?
sacrifice.
Why the reminder? Of the victory over pain and death.
So what might it mean to you if Red badge of courage like a

you keep the scars of the wound trophy.
in your heart?
Anything you need to do with

Lift them up to Him.
those scars?
Are you doing it? (Pause) Yes, done.

I recalled during this session
that three times or so, you said No. It can be easy if I allow it.
it takes a while to get over it,
that it‘s not that easy. Is that
true?
So what does that tell you? That I am my worst critic and I pull
myself down.
That God will not heal me without
And?
me.
So do you still need to lose the
No, the scars are OK.
scars?
So what is the number of being
Zero.
weighed down now?
Wow. So if it is zero, what is
Peace. Joy. Confidence.
there now?
Coaching a “Dictator” for Succession Planning
This is quite a memorable coaching demonstration I did for a

company. Initially, this senior vice president was unimpressed
with the previous demonstration I did with his colleague. In fact,
he protested right away that the process was too long, and would
not fit their company, especially since, as boss, he really needed
to tell people what to do and dictate the pace in the department
rather than draw out ideas from his people.
For some reason I sensed that, like love letters, coaching sessions
tend to sound ridiculous to a casual observer except for the coach
and the client. I asked him if he himself wanted to be coached.
The idea shocked him initially, but the pressure from the others
in the management team persuaded him to go through it. Below
is a script of the session. I have removed details which I deemed
unnecessary for the sake of the learning experience of the reader.
Coach’s Questions Client’s Answers
So what do you want to talk I want to talk about retiring in five

about that will make this years.
session worthwhile for you?
I am a national sales manager

with 300 people in my sales force.
There are six who directly report
Wow, what about retiring?
to me. Business is good and our
sales have been on target. What
I‘m concerned with is I cannot find
anyone in my team to succeed me.
So what do you want to

I want to develop a successor.
happen?
There will be an actual person

sitting on my chair, I will hear
How will you see, hear and feel thanksgiving for the trust and
once this goal is achieved? mentoring I have given this
person, and I will feel relieved and
relaxed enough to retire.
By when will you have Three years’ time.

appointed a successor?
So in October 2016, there will
be a person sitting on your
chair, thankful for your trust
Like a dream come true. I want it.
and mentoring, at which time
you will relax and retire. How
does that feel?
Oh it‘s my major concern as I have
How important is this goal to
already overstayed and want the
you?
department to be in a good place
after me.
So on a scale of 1-10? 15!
And why is it important for you

I care for the company and want to
that the department be in a
leave a legacy of good governance.
good place after you?
What benefit will it give you To know that I have added lasting
to leave a legacy of good value to the organization and to
governance? people’s lives.
And when you have done that? Then I can rest fulfilled.
With this goal in mind, what

I want to know how to go about
do you want to achieve in this
preparing the next person in line.
session?
What does “know how to I want to have a plan on how to go

go about preparing the next about identifying and preparing
person” look like? the next person.
Just to identify the first three or so

You can do that in this session?
steps.
What criteria will you use to They are actionable and realistic
determine if you have found the and will move me forward in
three steps? preparing the next person.
So they have to be actionable,

I will know when I have listed
realistic and move you
them down, so I will tell you if I am
forward. Just to check, who
satisfied.
will determine if they fit the
criteria?
Me of course, though I will need to

OK, who will initiate this?
work with my direct reports.
Will you need your direct

reports to identify the three Oh no, I can do that without them.
steps now?
Not much actually, they just cross

This preparation, how much of
my mind every now and then, but I
it have you already done?
haven’t formally plotted them.
I have a hard time identifying who

Is there anything that’s keeping among the six who directly report
you from plotting? to me has the skill set to succeed
me.
Let me just say that whenever I

am about to enter the elevator,
I observed that none of my
What’s keeping you from subordinates waiting outside join
identifying? me. And when I enter the office,
they all of a sudden hush up at
my presence even if I heard them
making noise before I came in.
They don’t join you in elevators I don’t have much of a relationship

and hush up whenever you with my people, even my direct
enter the office. What does this reports. That limits me from
have to do with identifying your knowing them up close to make a
successor? better judgment.
What do you want with your I want to draw them out more, so
relationship? they can confidently talk to me.
Well, out of concern for them,

when they speak I tend to correct
Have you done that, “draw
them, because I see a lot of things
them out?”
they still need to learn, and they
need to move faster.
What happens when you They don‘t say much.
correct them?
Is that what you want? No, I tell them to respond and
speak their mind.
Do they? No!
I get impatient and demand that

And when they don’t?
they reply!
I know they try, but mostly they

And?
are quiet.
I realize now that the way I deal
You see a lot of things you need
with them does not inspire them
to correct with them, and when
to respond. I learned from this
you do, they remain quiet, but
workshop that there is a better
you insist that they respond.
way to relate with people. I want
But when you do, they do not
to learn it.
talk. What is happening here?
To be able to know and

understand my people more, to
What do you expect to achieve
know their strengths. And then, I
from learning it?
will be able to identify one or two
who have the qualities that are
better fit for the role.
I need to stop correcting or cutting
What resource will you need to them off, which means I need to
achieve this? control my impatience so they
don’t feel attacked.
I will ask one of them to remind
me whenever I am getting
Do you know how to do that?
impatient so I can act more
patiently.
Have you done that before —

shift from being impatient to
Yes, several times.
being patient while with your
people?
Well, when I realize that I am
How did you do that?
wrong, I cool down.
No, I just need to be more patient
Is it only when you are wrong
with them especially with their
that you need to cool down?
mistakes.
Yes, but it’s tiring. I don’t get to
Why change? This seems to be have friends, and I don’t know how
working for you all these years. good my people are. And I don’t
get to retire in peace.
That people do have potential, and
the best way to bring this out of
What do you believe about that
them is through encouragement,
now?
trust, patience and a good dose of
coaching.
And I learned that old dogs can
Wow, you believe that!
learn new tricks.
Then I will have to learn to

What if your direct report will
apologize. Wait, is it good for a
not be able to remind you?
boss to admit he is wrong?
Well, I always thought that doing

What do you believe about
so will lessen people’s respect for
that?
the leader.
During the times when you did Actually no. As a Christian, I know
not admit that you were wrong, that humility is a virtue, but I did
did you sense that people not think it applied to being a boss
respected you more? at work.
Come to think of it, that might

be the missing link — I need to
And now?
demonstrate humility at work! But
I will need help to live it out.
Is that what you want to

be coached on for our next Yes, I want that.
session?
Umm, first it begins with me.

1. Learn to be patient and humble,
get coaching on it.
2. Talk to my inner circle and tell
them my plans for succession
and ask for their help to remind
OK, so have you identified the me to be more patient and start
steps towards preparing your coaching them.
people for succession? 3. Identify with HR the needed
competencies and skills for
the successors, and possible
candidates.
4. Check out available succession
plans I can tap into and customize
my own for this department.
1. Coaching on patience will be on

our next session.
2. Talk with inner circle will be this
Wow, not three but four steps!
week.
And the dates?
3. HR will be next week.
4. Research for succession plans
will be done first with HR.
Come to think of it, it’s just the

relationship part that’s kept me
Sounds like a plan! How do you from acting on this. I am now
feel about that? relieved and excited to move this
forward, and looking forward to
our next session.
You mentioned earlier your

criteria for the steps. Well, do Of course! They will.
they meet your criteria?
After this session, I will plot this

How will you monitor this so it
in my calendar and make sure my
pushes through?
secretary has a copy.
Sure, my wife has been looking

Does this plan fit with all your
forward to our retirement
other commitments in life?
together.
OK, so given this, please shoot

me an email by this Friday for
Sure thing.
the areas you would want to be
coached on.
Anything else you want to talk

I’m done for now.
about?
Congratulations! Thank you.

Coaching for Commitment
What happens when management wants to influence the one they

want you to coach for a commitment to work with them long-
term? Actually nothing changes as far as the coach is concerned,
so this is an example of no-agenda coaching.
The bosses of this coachee wanted him to make a concrete decision

on what to do with his career, specifically to get him to work long-
term with them rather than be all over the place. He has been on
and off working with them and with other companies. His longest
stint was two years with a total of five companies. Now they want
him in for the long haul.
That was their agenda. I do not know his agenda. So the best way
to find out is for me to have no agenda for him.
We were able to establish that he was commitment phobic, a

term he initially used and then re-termed it as just commitment
wary. So I complimented him on how he has perfected this skill,
having mastered never staying in one place (residing in at least five
countries and touring a whole continent in his previous work) and
how he must have worked hard to perfect it.
Then he said, “But isn‘t it that, to be successful, one has to be

rooted in one focus and be totally committed to it?”
The father, husband and the leadership consultant in me agreed

with him, what with the great many companies having one
flagship product, one passion, and happy people being committed
to one healthy love for life.
But the coach in me simply asked, “Says who? You seem to be

having a blast with all your travels, residences, even multiple
degrees and jobs? Don‘t you just want to continue doing that? I‘m
sure many a people would pay anything to have a fraction of what
you are enjoying now. Wouldn‘t it be great for you to just continue
what you have done so well, be tentative, explore and experiment
with different things that catch your eye, and never have to worry
about long-term goals? After all that, maybe you can boast about
having tried so many experiences in life!”
At that, he broke down in tears.
Because these transitions also marked the ups and downs of his
life, and the constant pain of not knowing what to really shoot for
has caused many a depression (not clinical according to him) and
resulted in drinking to release the tension and to forget. After the
drink, the relaxation removes the urgency of wanting to pursue
the goal for a while, until the hangover is gone. Then the stress of
not knowing returns.
This roller-coaster ride, brought about by the fear of commitment,

has brought him no real fulfillment.
For him it‘s a “damned if I do, damned if I don‘t” situation.
“I do not want to commit, but when I don‘t, I‘m in this painful

roller-coaster ride that used to be fun but is now exhausting.” The
coachee must now just choose his poison — commitment or roller
coaster.
Now at least we are clear on that.

Just to check if he really won‘t miss the fun, I asked, “For you, how
much longer will it be until it is unacceptable not to have a clear
direction and commitment anymore?
He said he has to have a clear long-term direction by June and will

be doing it in exactly six months.
“What if you still don‘t by then?”
He shuddered at the roller coaster and the drinking. “No more. I‘m
done with it. No more.”
Now he has his work cut out for him. All these things established
on the first meeting with no advice, no suggestions, no leading
questions, no agenda from the coach. Just a series of questions
that brought him to the threshold where he doesn‘t want to go
anymore.
What followed next was making concrete plans on how to

transition into a more committed life, which he owned and for
which he provided clear deadlines.
Allowing the cat to skin himself
While I was requested by top management to “convince” this

client to work long-term with them because they have not been
able to pin him down for so many years, the coaching approach
allowed me to draw that commitment out from the client without
any resistance except during the moments when he struggled with
opposing things that he valued. This is the power of coaching. No
toxic collision of maps, just facilitation towards a clear decision.
This coaching episode will do well to have follow-up sessions to

monitor the implementation.
252
Anchoring
Anchoring is a user-friendly version of Pavlovian conditioning that
enables us to link responses. As such, anchoring provides a way
to handle experiences or manage internal subjective experiences
such as memories, emotional states and so on to sequence them
in new ways or frame them for more resourcefulness.
Behind anchoring, we recognize a key neuro-linguistic principle —

we get things linked or associated together in our very neurology.
When we do, we can trigger an experience (i.e., a state, thought,
emotion or response) by experiencing one piece of its composition.
Pavlov discovered this principle while working with experimental

laboratory dogs.
He observed that their unconditioned responses to meat powder

activated their saliva glands. To this response, he attached another
trigger (a bell) and found that exposure to the meat powder with
the bell soon conditioned the dogs to salivate at the ringing of the
bell. They learned this response by neurologically linking up the
“sound of a bell” to “meat powder.” Since their autonomic nervous
system naturally salivates to “meat,” their neurology learned to
salivate to something very unusual — to a conditioned trigger, to
the sound of a bell.
In our everyday experiences, we also find that we are constantly

associating and connecting various visual, auditory, kinesthetic
and other stimuli to various states of mind-emotion-physiology.
Typically, this is not a conscious process, but occurs outside of

our awareness. If we think of these stimuli as anchors, then we
can see that they trigger our responses for thinking, emoting
and responding. We begin life with a neuro-physiology loaded
with unconditioned responses. Then, when in a responsive state
(e.g., pain, pleasure, fear, anger, etc.), another stimulus becomes
attached to the stimuli. These responses can become so associated
(in our associative cortex) with the original stimulus that they can
set off the response. We call this a “conditioned response” because
we have become conditioned to it. In this way, we “learn” (our
neurology learns) to make this linkage or connection.
This explains the origin of what we call our “buttons.” Such

“buttons” essentially operate as the bells that get us to salivate. In
General Semantics, Korzybski referred to this process as a semantic
reaction. This refers to how the “meaning” or significance of a
stimulus activates a response in us. Thereafter a stimuli or trigger
occurs and we experience a semantic reaction. This gives us the
first definition of the word meaning. The first level of “meaning”
is the neurological linkage or association that we experience
between a given stimuli and the state it elicits in us. This also
explains why meaning is inevitably “neuro-semantic” in nature.
From this we can now set up several linguistic patterns that serve
as the foundation for reframing meaning:
External Stimulus equals or leads to Internal Significance/State

(ES =/ ~ IS)
Living in the world where billions of stimuli occur, it is inevitable

that we get things linked together. Yet many of these connections
do not serve us well. They wire us up with “buttons” that set off
emotional states and semantic reactions. This makes us vulnerable
to such triggers.
We can now explore these neurological associations to understand
and evaluate them in terms of their usefulness in our lives:
254 Anchoring
* What situations have you experienced that have set up

anchors for you?
* Which ones would you like to change?
* Which ones enhance your life?
* Which ones do you not need?
The downside of anchors is that we can associate so many negative

and unresourceful states to various triggers in our lives that we
have dozens or hundreds of ways to feel bad. As a result, “getting
into a negative state” becomes the easiest and most natural thing
in the world, until we are wired for going into negative neuro
semantic states and not even know or understand why we get
into such states. The triggers then recruit us for those states and
seduce us to feel bad when we don‘t need to. If we turn those
states up, the resulting state-dependency can then spread the
negative feelings everywhere in our world. This is obviously not a
good way to live.
Anchors are stimuli that set off specific states. As such, an anchor
can instantly put us back into that state. This happens in a way
that it feels automatic, immediate and beyond our control.
Recognizing that this neurological mechanism empowers us to set

up useful anchors, we can change internal experiences (our states)
so they can serve as resources.
In anchoring, we use an element of an experience to elicit and

bring back the full experience. Anchoring can occur in any sensory
system and in the language system. Anchoring in a word gives us
the power to re-induce various states without the need to “think”
about things — we can just feel our way into the state using the
anchor.
There are four key anchoring factors:

• Intensity: The intensity of the feelings of the state being
anchored.
• Purity: The distinctiveness of a discrete and specific
anchor.
• Uniqueness: The more unusual the anchor, the more
precise, distinct, and replicable it becomes.
• Timing: When the person‘s state reaches a peak of
experience. The anchoring pattern gives us the ability to
work with our states, to step into (or associate) them and
to step out of (or dissociate from) them.
This works powerfully in a pattern like the curing phobias pattern,

the Movie Rewind Pattern. We can also anchor an unresourceful
cue picture to a resourceful desired outcome picture and Swish our
brains (the Swish Pattern)xxxix. We can anchor resourceful states
so that we can later “fire them off” and re-experience them. The
general purpose in anchoring involves managing an experience so
that we can access it at will.
The Pattern
Steps Script
What kind of an anchor (the cue system or the

trigger) do you want to set (i.e., a silent hand
1. Identify a
movement, a smile, an unobtrusive touch, a
behavior, state or
word)?
response you want
What is the anchor that you will use?
to re-access.
What stimulus can you link to a particular
state of mind, body or emotion?
256 Anchoring
Invite the person to remember, imagine or

think about a state and go back and remember
it fully.
2. Elicit a response.
In eliciting the response, does the person
have an intense enough response that‘s worth
anchoring?
What did you notice?

How did you notice it?
3. Calibrate to the What sensory system was it in?
person to detect How intense was it?
the response. What trigger is now linked to a response?
Did you calibrate to the person‘s eye accessing
cues, body gesture, posture, muscle tone,
breathing, movement, etc.?
When the person responded, did you add

a sight (i.e. make a face or gesture), sound
(i.e. make a noise), sensation (i.e. touch,
movement, rhythm, etc.) or a word?
4. Add a stimulus.
Is your anchor a unique trigger?
Did you anchor in all sensory systems to create
redundancy?
What is the stimulus?
How common is it? How unique?
What did you have for breakfast (i.e., break

state)? Good. Now what happens when I do
this (i.e., fire off the stimulus)?
5. Test the anchor.
When you re-trigger the stimulus, did the
response re-occur?
If it does not, recycle through the process
again.
The Power of Meta-Programs

(MP)
E
ver wonder why people act the way they do, some of
them seeming to be in patterns like they were programmed
to do so?
For example, when you say certain words or do certain things in
the presence of, say, your spouse or your boss, they respond in
certain ways that can often be predictable.
My wife does not want to be told what to do (internal/

self-referent). Actually, so do I, although to a
different degree than her. A friend, on the other
hand, makes sure to do the rounds of asking
people’s insights and advice before she decides
which action to take (external/other referent).
Or a certain employee likes to always think of ideas and new

ways of doing things. When she shares them with her boss, his
initial comments are always about how difficult these ideas are
to implement and what could go wrong.
Governing and influencing people’s responses to situations are

what NLP calls the meta-programs. Meta, meaning over or above,
indicates that these programs in our mind rule over factors like
decision making and perceptions. Meta-programs are actions and
states that through time and repetition have habituated a person.
In that way, they run in the background of our minds to influence

what we do and believe, so we are not that aware of their influence.
They act as filters that shape our reality. The implications of this
are far reaching.
258 The Power of Meta-Programs (MP)
How Are Meta-Programs (MP) Formed?

A meta-program starts as a state (the way a person thinks, feels
and acts) that is given value by the actor (meta-stated), then
through repetitive practice becomes a habit (habituated meta-
state), around which time it slips from consciousness. So from
here on, a person filters information consistently through it.
• Solidified meta-state
• Habituated meta-state
Similar to, but way beyond, typology

In many ways meta-programming is similar to different forms of
personality typing (from Myers-Briggs to four temperaments, etc).
As such, they can be used to help understand why people behave
the way they do. But NLP makes a few key distinctions:
• Meta-programs are largely contextual. That means

you can operate off of one program in a certain situation
and another in a different situation. People running into
problems is when a meta-program drives all of their behavior
and they have no flexibility to operate differently. In certain
contexts this can cause problems. The differences in meta-
programs between two or more people can be one of the
biggest sources of conflict in relationships or business. It is
apparent when two people can’t understand how another
person thinks a particular way.
• We’re not stuck with these programs. Coaches need

to point out that MP’s are states, not traits or types.
They can be changed. This is where MP is distinct from
behavioral typologies that often assign people to inflexible
characteristics. More often than not, people choose not to

change, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Changing a
meta-program can be as simple as bringing awareness to it
and opting to see through a different perspective. This can
be easy if you already have experience with different ways
of looking at things. But if you don’t have this ability, seeing
different perspectives can be tremendously difficult. It can
feel like your brain just isn’t wired to think that way, and you
can’t even understand how other people might do it.xl
How to use meta-programs for coaching

Knowing meta-programs allows the coach to have a handle or
understand why the client acts the way he does. This is crucial for
giving feedback, especially when a client’s meta-program might be
contributing to a certain block. For example, a client wants to be a
systems thinker like a strategist (global meta-program) but tends
to get bogged down by too much attention to details (specific
meta-program).
The coach can then present the meta-program as a continuum

where, on one extreme, a person tends to focus, for example,
on details (specific MP). Then the person can explore how this
tendency benefits him on one hand, but also what opportunities
he would miss if he sticks to this tendency (like missing out on the
big picture). Then the person can create strategies to expand his
meta-programs so he can have greater flexibility to deal with a
variety of situations and people.
There are more than 60 types of meta-programs identified but I

will mention the key ones as an example: xli
Continuum
internal external
Intuitive and self-

Focused on others.
oriented.
Consistently seeking
Often make decisions
external answers and
based on personal
approval from others.
feelings and opinions.
As a result, they make
Frame of They must feel within
decisions based on people’s
Reference themselves that they’ve
opinions, perspectives and
Based on a done a good job or made
actions.
person’s basis a good decision.
for ideas and
insights. To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person
Provide them with your

Talk about their
own suggestions or talk
experiences and allow
about other people’s ideas
them to make up their
and suggestions and how
own mind about the issue
they can be of value in this
at hand.
situation.
Self-centered and
Other-centered
disassociated
Very curious and focused on
the needs of other people.
Primarily make their Therefore, before they make
decisions based on their any kind of decision, they
own personal interests — will often think of what’s
Self or Other based on “what’s in it for in it for others and how
How a them” in any particular others will benefit from this
person situation. decision.
thinks Put other people’s needs
about ahead of their own.
themselves
in relation to To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person
others.
Focus your conversation on
the needs of others. Outline
Help them make a
the benefits that other
decision based on
people will gain from this
satisfying their own
situation and how this could
needs, wants and desires.
potentially improve their
lives.
Matcher Mismatcher
Often optimistic, very
Often tend to go against
approving, and tends to
the grain. They tend to
look for similarities and
Match or find faults in things, in
common ground while
Mismatch circumstances and in
conversing with others.
others. They always look for
Based on how They base their decisions
differences and will tend to
much sameness on the similarities
disagree with you no matter
or difference a they see in others, in
what you do or say.
person finds in circumstances and in life.
any situation.
This effectively To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person
determines how
much a person Listen intently and
will agree or find common ground.
disagree with Mirroring their
you throughout experiences, beliefs,
Become proficient at using
a conversation. values and perceptions
reverse psychology.
will help you to develop
a strong emotional bond
and greater levels of
rapport.
Reflective Active
A more active sort of person

Often introverted. They
is often extroverted. They
will rarely take immediate
don’t like to think about
decisive action to get
what they are going to do
Action something done. Instead,
before doing it. Instead, they
Can either be they must think and
will just jump into things
reflective or reflect upon what they
head-first without much
active. A person are about to do before
thought, working things out
will prefer to taking action.
as they go along.
reflect before
taking action or
they will rather To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person
take action
before thinking Allow them time and
Get them to take decisive
about things. space to reflect upon the
action. Encouraging
decision they are about to
constant involvement will
make. Without this time
keep them motivated and
and space they will feel
enthusiastic about the task
threatened and might
at hand.
resist taking action.
Necessity Possibility
A possibility sort of person

Necessity or often seeks variety and
Possibility Often settles for what
life gives them. Primarily opportunity. They primarily
Based on make decisions that are
whether a makes decisions that are
based on gaining pleasure.
person makes based on avoiding pain.
They therefore don’t like
decisions based Will settle for what’s
to settle, but rather go for
on necessity or available and won’t care
what they really want in
primarily based much about options or life. They are motivated to
on possibility. varied experiences. look for possibilities that
will help them expand their
opportunities.
To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person
focus on presenting them

Focus on making with challenges; informing
them feel secure and them about the risks that
comfortable with their they will need to take to get
decisions. Provide them what they want, and the
with something that’s inevitable opportunities that
familiar, easy and safe. will be available once they
take positive action.
Toward Away From
Focused on problems and/

Towards or or the things that must
Away From be avoided before moving
Focused on the
Based on forward. They are good at
attainment of their goals.
whether a troubleshooting, solving
They tend to be good at
person’s energy problems and pinpointing
managing priorities and
is centered possible obstacles. They may
are always clear about
on goals/ set goals; however, they
what it is they want out
achievement have difficulty prioritizing
of life.
or on problems their actions and are often
that must be distracted by trying to fix
dealt with. crisis situations.
To influence, motivate and build rapport with this person

Focus their mind on

the process of goal
achievement. Inform Present them with a
them about the problem that needs to get
importance of achieving fixed and then hold them
specific goals and accountable for solving this
outcomes and how this problem.
will benefit them long-
term.
This discussion on meta-programs is very sketchy and by no means

gives any justice to the power of this foundational domain of NLP. A
good coach will do well to understand them and use them as a tool to
better understand and facilitate transformation in clients. For a fuller
discussion on meta-programs, Dr. Hall has an excellent book entitled
Figuring People Out.xlii
264 Coaching Assessments
Coaching Assessments
SELF-ANALYSIS for Coachesxliii
Personal Qualities of an Effective Coach

Not everyone can coach. To coach, one must have certain qualities
and traits which are essential for one to be effective at coaching.
Coaching is not only what we do, it’s also about who we are and
who we are becoming. The first 10 are Zeus and Skiffington’s (2000)
list which focus on coaching capacities. This list identifies some of
the key personality qualities that enable a person to effectively
coach and to build a successful coaching business.
Coaching Quality Rating


1. Self-awareness


2. Inspire others


3. Build relationships


4. Flexibility in adjusting to the client


5. Communicate clearly and forthrightly


6. Forward-looking, future-oriented


7. Disciplined in carrying through


8. Manage professional boundaries


9. Diagnose issues and find solutions


10. Business sense for selling and marketing


11. Resilient: able to bounce back

12. Commitment to asking explorative questions 

and open dialogue 
13. Belief in people — that they have the resources 
and answers 

14. Detecting patterns while working with people

15. Alignment: strong sense of personal 
congruence, whole-life balance 
16. Self-Motivation: strong sense of intentionality, 
vision, and mission 

17. Empowerment: feeling at cause and proactive


18. Leadership skills and qualities


19. Entrepreneurial in spirit and attitude

20. Willing and able to challenge people to rise up 
to their best 
WHAT SABOTAGES YOUR COACHING?
Are there any sabotages in your life, in your way of moving through
the world, habits, mind-body-emotion states that you need to deal
with? Check the following that you may want to address during
the coaching training and make then part of the coaching sessions
that you’ll get to experience.
Instruction: In each area, indicate how much you experience each

indicator on a scale of 0 (no experience) to 5 (always experienced).
1. Feeling worn-out, fatigue, lack of vitality, energy 
2. Impatient, pressured, in a rush 

3. Rigid, inflexible 
4. Over-responsible, need to fix others 
5. Talking too much, gift of gab, can’t hold the


silence
6. Telling, teaching, training too much, advice


giving, consulting
7. The need to be in control, be in charge 
8. Confuse coaching with teaching, training,


consulting
9. The ego in the way: too much self-awareness 
10. Need to be right, know-it-all 
11. Trying to look good to self & others; too much


image-management
12. Fear of conflict, confrontation, directness 
13. Fear of asking questions 
14. Fear of asking probing, challenging questions 
15. Readiness to judge, give one’s own evaluations 
16. Incongruent, not walking your talk 
17. Overly shy, timid 
18. Operate from scarcity more than abundance 
19. Prejudices against some people 
20. Lack of uptime, too much in downtime, lost in


your own thoughts
21. Insecurity in self and skills 

22. Inability or unwillingness to hold a client


accountable
23. Inability or unwillingness to task 
24. Self-questioning and doubting 
25. Difficulty in team work or collaborating / overly


competitive
26. Conscious and/or fearful of making mistakes 
27. Worried about not understanding everything 
28. Unable to care about and extend oneself for


another person
29. Unable to be completely present in the here-

and-now
30. Overwhelmed by negative emotions 
Are You Ready to Be Coached?
“I believe that most people are coachable but they‘re not always
coachable at every point in time.” – LM Hall, PhD
The assessment below is for coaching clients. Sometimes people

want change (or others around them want them to change), but
they may not be currently open to changing their beliefs, behavior
and actions.
If that‘s the case, coaching won‘t work, and it‘s better to wait
until you‘re more open to change to try coaching. Here‘s a quick
questionnaire to find out if you‘re currently ready to benefit from
meta-coaching.
Instructions for client: Check the number which comes closest

to representing how true the statement is for you right now. Then
score yourself, 10 is absolutely yes and 1 is absolutely no. Five (5) is
the middle. Your coach needs you to be at the place in life where
you are coachable. This questionnaire helps the coach — and you
— to discover how coachable you are right now.
Openness. Am I open to change, learning and 

personal development 
Am I open to examining my beliefs, understanding, 
decisions? 
Feedback. Am I open to receiving feedback without 
getting personally defensive? 
Ego Strength. Do I have sufficient ego strength for 
facing reality as it is? 
Do I have ego strength to face the challenge in 
mastering myself? 
Committed to growth. Am I committed to invest in 
my development? 

Am I willing to be challenged?

Relationships Readiness. Am I ready and able to 
enter into a coaching relationship? 
Am I willing to relate in an open and vulnerable way 
during this week? 
Vulnerable. Am I ready and able to disclose myself 
and be vulnerable to another? 

Am I able to talk about my needs and weaknesses?

A Change Embracer. Am I passionate about making 
a change or transformation? 
Dreams and Goals. Do I have goals, hopes and 

dreams for myself and my career? 
Patience. Do I have a dream that I want to work on 
during this week’s coaching? 
Do I have the patience and persistence to stay with 
the coaching process? 
270 Dr. L. Michael Hall, Unwillingly Worthy Guru
Dr. L. Michael Hall,

Unwillingly Worthy Guru
A
s far back as I can remember, I‘ve always looked
for leaders to admire and emulate. There were the
impressive upperclassmen in school, the inspiring
teachers, the awesome fellow workers, the respectable friends in
my circle. Then came the leadership gurus like Dr. Stephen Covey
and John Maxwell, who showed the way to lead others better and
challenged the way people lead. Not to forget leadership greats
like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela among
others, including my more recent idol: Pope Francis.
But I add someone to the list whom probably at least 98 percent

of my friends do not know about: Dr. L. Michael Hall. I heard about
him in my journey to develop myself as a professional coach. At
first, he was just a learned, well-researched resource for coaching.
It does help that he holds a doctorate in cognitive-behavioral

psychology, after a master‘s degree in clinical psychology from
Regis, a master’s degree in Biblical Literature and Language.
With his roots in NLP, Dr. Hall studied with Richard Bandler and
wrote two books for him, The Spirit of NLP and Becoming More
Ferocious as a Presenter.
He created the field of Neuro-Semantics to take NLP to a higher

level by focusing on the synergy of meaning and performance.
Neuro-Semantics now has institutes in 18 countries. See www.
neurosemantics.com.
His disciplined lifestyle also caught my attention. At 66 years old,

he runs several miles and works out every day.
He eats only two meals a day as his lunchtime is devoted to

workout and his other passion that he does so exceptionally well
— he writes at least 30 minutes every day. Rumor is, he writes
much longer than that. For 10 years, he has written over 50
books on leadership, success, coaching, personal development,
communication, wealth, fitness, emotional intelligence, NLP. And
he says he has only just begun.
There are at least 15 workshop materials now credited to his name,

run by hundreds of Neuro-Semantic trainers in over 30 countries.
Today, Michael spends most of his time researching, modeling

and training internationally. His projects have included modeling
excellence in a variety of areas: resilience, state management,
sales, persuasion, accelerated learning, relationships, coaching,
wealth building, women in leadership, fitness and health, culture
and cultural phenomena, and leadership.
But all I have told you thus far are academic and cold business.
I do not discredit the above-mentioned accomplishments
as commonplace because very few human beings possess a
combination of those attributes and achievements. Maybe one in
a hundred million.
I was on my second time to train under him for 15 days in Hong Kong
when something truly distinctive about him began to emerge.
What is truly impressive about him is his commitment to

community. Everywhere he goes he creates a community of
leaders — leaders accomplished in their own right but made

more impressive by sharpening each other through training and
constant benchmarking of each other‘s skills.
He despises the guru complex as it demeans others and stifles

community.
Even with a lot of staff on hand, Dr. Hall handily sets up the chairs,
which usually sends others to scramble and help in the set-up. One
might think that he would rather spend time writing or answering
questions on coaching, but when asked why he does those menial
things, he simply says that he is modeling servanthood as a leader.
In a group of 78 leaders, coaches, and trainers from 18 countries

for 15 days, he always mingles and co-trains with one of the eight
master trainers present.
Last October 2013, after a 14-day life-defining Neuro-Semantic

Trainers Training in Hong Kong, I summoned the courage to invite
Dr. Hall to the Philippines for a two-day workshop. We had barely
two months to prepare, but I took advantage of his scheduled trip
to four Asian countries in January. I thought of cutting into the gap
and introduce him to our market. We were hoping for 35 leaders
to come.
That experience provided several surprises for me — first, he took

economy class. We presumed that a “who‘s who” like him would
prefer business class. Then we noted the very low charging price
compared to all celebrated global speakers who, to be frank,
provide much less practical, even trans-formative value as he does.
When we were discussing the rates, he found our pricing high, which
we immediately justified as premium, since we were intended to

book him in a five-star hotel where the workshop should also be.
To our surprise, he retorted that this move might marginalize the

leaders from other sectors who will not be able to afford such
premium pricing. Then, just as quickly, he suggested to be billeted
in a monastery and not bother about hotel ballrooms. All he
needed was the Internet, a gym and a bottle of wine.
Wow, this is what he means by shunning gurus — he actually lives

it! And that‘s paradoxically what places him above many of these
so-called gurus.
The blessing of the event was not 35, but 115 leaders came and
graced the two-day event.
As a parting shot regarding Dr. Hall’s character, I now challenge

you to make sense of his response in this next anecdote. It will
help if you have an understanding of meta-states to get it.
In anticipation of his next visit for the Meta-Coaching Boot Camp

Certification in October 2015, I asked him, “Michael, after the
eight-day (plus 2) boot camp, where would you want us to take
you? As you know, the Philippines is renowned for its beaches, so
name your spot and we’ll take you there.” His response, “What
for?”
To state the obvious, I replied, “I’m sure after 10 grueling days you
would just want to lie down and take a vacation.”
Here’s the reply that I want you to wrap your vacation-starved

fingers on:
“Why should I take a vacation from what I regularly do that already

feels like vacation?”
Milton Berle said something very much like Michael’s reply:

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
Effects of Coaching on Me
T
he best coaches are those who have personally been
coached and have benefitted from the experience.
There were at least two powerful effects of coaching early on in

my professional life.
I first encountered it in early 2000 while going through a coaching

training. The facilitator asked us to set two goals: one personal
and another professional.
Health Coaching
Physically, I was overweight at that time and had a sedentary

lifestyle. I was preoccupied by computer games which I indulged
in from late night until early morning. I had unrestricted diet to
match this inactivity. I also kept telling myself that, at 33, my body
was growing too old for workouts, which I used to do when I was
single.
I remember the time when I already had two sons and we were on
vacation in Bacolod. I did laps in the pool which I probably had not
done in at least 10 years. That night, I was rushed to the hospital
due to a drowning sensation in my chest. It must have been over-
exertion from trying to swim like I used to, but my body caved in.
That shocked me out of the stupor of inactivity.
Coaching facilitated my goal to have a healthy lifestyle. Specifically,

it meant eating right and exercising regularly. I started working
out again, which I continue to this day. Then, I changed my diet
by letting go of all meat, replacing it with seafood and stopped
276 Effects of Coaching on Me
drinking sodas and synthetic juices. These new habits helped me

achieve a 20-pound loss and maintain my weight. I joined my
children in attending aikido for which I got a yellow belt before we
moved to other sports.
Now I can swim 50 laps, run and walk 10 kilometers, skip rope to
2,000 in one go, and work out in my makeshift home gym. I even
got up from three to 17 on the chin-ups. In other words, at 46, I
now feel so much healthier than when I was 33.
However, I could not give up smoking, drinking, coffee, casual sex,

and drugs — because I never had them.
Coaching for Career Shift
The other area was my career. Up to that time, I had been a

teacher in the university for over 10 years. I love teaching, but
there were other factors to consider, like a growing family and
my own professional development. While I loved Theology, I was
really drawn towards leadership and wanted to fully develop my
knowledge and skills in this area.
I could not decide, though, when and where to shift because I

already had a master‘s degree in my current field and was beginning
my doctorate. There were also few local post-graduate offerings
on leadership at that time.
Then there was the security of a monthly salary which came even
if there was typhoon and classes were suspended. As I had three
sons, the security of getting scholarships for them from a top
school came in handy.
And there were sentimental reasons. If you had taken a leisurely

morning walk around the Ateneo campus past the giant trees, you
would understand what I told myself early on in my career — I was
going to spend all my days there.
The coaching sessions facilitated my getting in touch with my

highest intentions. I clarified that I wanted to teach because I
longed to help develop and raise leaders in organizations.
At that time, I was juggling three jobs and I was spread out through
each of them ineffectively: full-time teaching, selling computers,
and doing leadership workshops at the same time.
Being coached allowed me to focus on what I really wanted to

pursue.
In two years’ time, I resigned from the institution I promised to

retire from — 23 years ahead of schedule — and apprenticed
with a regional consulting firm run by a good friend who became
my mentor, Omy Romero, country manager of Organization
Technologies International. With him, my wife and I got access to
board room meetings and learned to facilitate workshops at the
higher levels.
In time, we had enough consulting business that allowed me to

give up selling computers. The hedgehog concept espoused by
Good to Great author Jim Collins — “The fox knows many things
but the hedgehog knows one big thing”xliv — was finally becoming
a reality.
278 Effects of Coaching on Me
I had to give credit to coaching for facilitating my decisive shift in

career. I would have dilly-dallied for more years in the comfort of a
secure academic institution without it.
Then There’s This Book
For over 15 years now, I have dreamt of writing a book. Many times
I would write snippets of thoughts and quotes about love and
relationships, life, faith, leadership, and even knew how to work
on long papers starting with my 120-page masteral thesis. But no
book ever developed.
Among other excuses were lack of time, not enough ideas,

no money-no honey. My main problem was what I would call
expertitis, that is, imagining myself having to submit my material
to an august body of experts (peer-reviewed journal) and then fall
short, get criticized, and walk away in dejection. This belief frame
held me for years and prevented me from sitting down to actually
write a book.
Then about two years ago, my dream to write a book on coaching

resurfaced. I availed of coaching services by my fellow meta-
coaches. I was coached at least five times, and this is the fruit of
all those sessions.
Parting Words
P
eople who embody the best of any discipline realize
that the discipline has become a part of them. I will not go
to the extent of saying it becomes them because there will
come a time when they will cease doing it and move on to just
being human. There will come a time when a leader, racer, fighter,
preacher, parent, will cease to operate as one.
In coaching, leaders or managers might start taking on coaching

as a role, and begin by compartmentalizing their role as a manager
vs. leader vs. coach. There is value to such compartmentalization,
especially since the concern of one role does not unnecessarily
blend into the other.
The challenge of many managers is how to compartmentalize

their different roles. For example, managers who coach know that
during a coaching session they will need to remove the hat of a
manager and stop themselves from giving direction, suggestions,
advice, and, in the purest form, even withhold themselves from
telling their own stories and experiences. That means they stop
seeing the discussion from their point of view and totally enter in
the coachee’s model of the world.
Now the question: How much of the coaching session will be

brought out when the coach puts on the manager’s hat again?
Would there not be a tension between the fact that as a coach I
did not give advice, direction and input, while now as a manager I
can? What if during the coaching session I disagree with his idea,
decision or strategy, and it might have negative repercussions on
our business? How do I deal with it outside of coaching?
280 Parting Words
Here we find how easier it is to be a coach to someone who is not

in your department.
But there is still a way to integrate, since research has observed

that the best leaders have the unique capacity to hold in their
minds two or more opposing ideas at once, or what Dean Roger
Martin calls “Integrative Thinking,” or a successful leaders’ quality
of having an opposable mind, open to contradictory ideas of
others, and coming up with a solution that contains elements of
the multiple ideas rather than simply going for one or the other.xlv
To achieve an integrative mindset, the leader then needs to ease

up on being dogmatic about his views on how business is done,
and be open to the possibility that his subordinate might have
equally useful, sometimes even better, ideas than he does.
Suspending judgment is the key to coaching, leadership, even

problem solving, especially in the initial phases of the process.
Doing so requires taking a tentative stance on issues for a while
— and allowing ideas to come forth and examining them for
potential. It also means to cease becoming a subject matter expert
so others can contribute and shine.
The invitation for each leader is to first see coaching as a role, and
then gradually allow the coaching style and mindset to influence
the other areas and roles of his life — and to experience how
liberating and empowering this approach can be for both the
leader and the led.
Have a meaningful coaching practice!

Glossary of Termsxlvi
Client or coachee - the person who is the recipient of the coaching
service
Behavior - any activity we engage in, micro-like thinking, or macro-like
external actions
Beliefs - thoughts, conscious or unconscious, which have grown into
a generalization about causality, meaning, self, others, behaviors,
identity, etc. Beliefs address the world and how we operate in it.
Beliefs guide us in perceiving and interpreting reality. Beliefs relate
closely to values. NLP and Neuro-Semantics have several belief change
patterns.
Calibration - becoming tuned-in to another’s state via reading nonverbal
signals previously observed and calibrated
Conscious - present moment awareness. Awareness of seven +/- two
chunks of information.
Content - the specifics and details of an event, answers what and why;
contrasts with process or structure.
Context - the setting, frame or process in which events occur and
provides meaning for content
Cues - information that provides clues to another’s subjective structures,
i.e. eye-accessing cues, predicates, breathing, body posture, gestures,
voice tone and tonality, etc.
Deletion - the missing portion of an experience either linguistically or
representationally
DGD - Distort, Generalize, Delete (Information)
Distortion - The modeling process by which we inaccurately represent
something in our neurology or linguistics, can occur to create
limitations or resources.
Ecology - The overall relationship between idea, skill, response and larger
environment or system. Internal ecology: the overall relationship
between person and thoughts, strategies, behaviors, capabilities,
values and beliefs. The dynamic balance of elements in a system.
Elicitation - Evoking a state by word, behavior, gesture or any stimuli.
Gathering information by direct observation of non-verbal signals or
by asking meta-model questions.
Emotion - (building on feeling, see definition) The meaning of one’s
feeling. The difference or gap between what a person expects and
how he experiences events in the world. If a person’s expectation is
282 Glossary of Terms
higher than the event (I expect to be given a diamond but was given
only silver), then the emotion is negative. If the person’s expectation
is lower than the experience (I expected her to simply smile at me
but she came over and asked me how I was doing), then the feeling is
positive (surprise, delight).
Feeling - the more primary reaction to events in the world, brought about
by proprioceptors. The most basic feelings are FEAL: Fear, Excitement,
Anger, Luv (lust) or attraction.
Gestalt - building on State and Meta-State. After a while, when meta-
states build on previous states, they coalesce to form a gestalt state.
My position is that positively, virtues are coalesced meta-states or
gestalt:
 Courage is being resolute in the face of fear
 Humility is denying self-condescension built on a high sense of
self worth
 Love is hatred for sin or wrong deeds of the other grounded on
unconditional positive regard for the other
Frame - Context, environment, meta-level, a way of perceiving something
(as in Outcome Frame, “As If” Frame, Backtrack Frame, etc.).
Future Pace - Process of mentally practicing (rehearsing) an event before
it happens. One of the key processes for ensuring the permanency of
an outcome, a frequent and key ingredient in most NLP interventions.
Generalization - Process by which one specific experience comes to
represent a whole class of experiences, one of the three modeling
processes in NLP.
Genius - This refers to a highly focused state of engagement wherein
the world goes away, time goes away, even self goes away, and one
is completely present to some engagement, in “flow,” “in the zone,”
and completely there with full access to all of his or her resources.
Gestalt - A collection of memories connected neurologically based on
similar emotions.
Internal Representations - Patterns of information we create and store
in our minds, combinations of sights, sounds, sensations, smells and
tastes.
Kinesthetic - Sensations, feelings, tactile sensations on surface of skin,
propriceptive sensations inside the body, includes vestibular system
or sense of balance.
Leading - Changing your own behaviors after obtaining rapport so
another follows, an acid test for high level of rapport.
Map of Reality – Model of the world, a unique representation of the

world built in each person’s brain by abstracting from experiences,
comprised of a neurological and a linguistic map, one’s internal
representations (lR).
Matching - Adopting facets of another’s outputs (behavior, words, etc.)
to enhancing rapport.
Meta - Above, beyond, about, at a higher level, a logical level higher.
Meta-Coach or Meta-Coaching - A cutting edge coaching system
developed by Dr. L. Michael Hall and Michelle Duval.
Meta-Programs - The mental/perceptual programs for sorting and
paying attention to stimuli, perceptual filters that govern attention,
sometimes “neuro-sorts,” or meta-processes.
Meta-State - A state about a state, bringing a state of mind-body (fear,
anger, joy, learning) to bear upon another state from a higher logical
level, generates a gestalt state-a meta-state; developed by Michael
Hall.
Building on state (see definition), is how a person now thinks,
evaluates, feels about a primary state or another meta-state. The
higher thoughts and emotions influence and texture the lower ones.
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) – A behavioral technology. It
allows you to change, adopt, or eliminate behaviors, as you desire, and
gives you the ability to choose your mental, emotional, and physical
states of well-being. It helps you remove the blocks that prevent you
from doing, having, or changing what you want. Limiting decisions,
limiting beliefs, and conflicting values can be eliminated, affording
you the ability to make new choices about yourself and your life.xlvii
(see www.nlp.com/mp3.php)
The study of excellence, a model of how people structure their
experience, the structure of subjective experience, how humans
become programmed in their thinking-emoting and behaving in their
very neurology by the various languages they use to process, code and
retrieve information.
Neuro-Semantics – Building on how NLP works to help people better
manage their perceptual filters (that is how their representing the
world in their mind through movies and muscle memory affects their
feeling and behaving). Neuro-Semantics works with conceptual filters,
or the layer of meanings that people now assign to those movies and
memories, which further affect emotion and behavior.
284 Glossary of Terms
Perceptual Filters - Unique ideas, experiences, beliefs, values, meta-

programs, decisions, memories and language that shape and color
our model of the world.
Pre-suppositions - Ideas that we have to take for granted for a
communication to make sense, assumptions, that which “holds”
(position) “up” (sup) a statement “ahead of time” (pre).
Rapport - A sense of connection with another, a feeling of mutuality, a
sense of trust, created by pacing, mirroring and matching, a state of
empathy or second position.
Reframing - Taking a frame-of-reference so that it looks new or different,
presenting an event or idea from a different point of view so it has a
different meaning; content or context reframing, a change pattern.
Representation - An idea, thought, presentation of sensory-based or
evaluative-based information.
Representation System (RS) - How we mentally code information using
the sensory systems: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and
Gustatory.
Resourceful State - The total neurological and physical experience when
a person feels resourceful.
Resources - Any means we can bring to bear to achieve an outcome:
physiology, states, thoughts, strategies, experiences, people, events
or possessions.
Sensory Acuity - Awareness of the outside world, of the senses, making
finer distinctions about the sensory information we get from the
world.
Sensory-Based Description - Information directly observable and
verifiable by the senses, see-hear-feel language that we can test
empirically, in contrast to evaluative descriptions.
State - The integrated system of thinking, feeling, speaking, behaving in
a person. The elements can only be separated conceptually but as a
system each element affects the others.
VAKOG - Refers to the five senses: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic,
Olfactory, Gustatory
WFO - Well-Formed Outcome coaching pattern.
BIBLIOGRAPHY OF NEURO-SEMANTIC BOOKS
User’s Manual for the Brain (Vol 1) by Bob G. Bodenhamer (Author), L.

Michael Hall, Crown House Publishing, revised edition, January 1,
2001
User’s Manual for the Brain the Master Practitioner Course, Volume II (2002)
L. Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhamer, Crown House Publishing
Meta-States: Mastering the High Levels of Your Mind, Third Edition, L.
Michael Hall, Neuro-Semantic Publications, June 29, 2012
Figuring People Out, L. Michael Hall and Bob C. Bodenhamer, Crown
House Publishing Ltd., Crown Buildings Bancyfelin Carmarthen
Wales www.crownhouse.co., UK 1997/ 2006
Sourcebook of Magic: A Comprehensive Guide to NLP Change Patterns, L.
Michael Hall, Barbara P. Belnap, Crown House Publishing; second
edition, December 10, 2004
Source Book of Magic Volume II Neuro-Semantic Patterns, L. Michael Hall,
Ph.D. Neuro-Semantic Publications, 2004, spiral
Unleasing Leadership: Self-Actualizing Leaders and Companies, L. Michael
Hall Neuro-Semantics Publication (November 1, 2009)
Benchmarking Intangibles, Dr. L. Michael Hall, NSP (March 15, 2013)
Group and Team Coaching, Dr. L. Michael Hall, NSP 2013.
Meta-Coach Training System Manuals, Dr. L. Michael Hall, NSP, various
dates.
Coaching Essentials — Basic NLP Coaching Genius, L. Michael Hall
Introduction to Meta-States (APG) Coaching Mastery, L. Michael Hall
The Associated Certified Meta Coach Course, L. Michael Hall
286
Endnotes
i
http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadingblog/2011/02/the_wisdom_
of_ booker_t_washing.html
ii
ibid.
iii
From the presentation of economist Dr. Bernie Villegas of University of
Asia and Pacific, November 2014.
iv
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQrPVmcgJJk
v
https://hbr.org/2009/01/what-can-coaches-do-for-you/ar/1
vi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:John_Lasseter-Up-66th_Mostra.jpg
vii
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Mo4P_BVlzg
viii
www.gallup.com/businessjournal/167975/why-great-managers-
rare.aspx?utm_source=position3&utm_medium=related&utm_
campaign=tiles
ix
w w w. g a l l u p . c o m / b u s i n e s s j o u r n a l / 1 6 3 1 3 0 / e m p l o y e e -
engagement-drives-growth.aspx?utm_source=position3&utm_
medium=related&utm_campaign=tiles
x
https://hbr.org/2014/07/you-cant-be-a-great-manager-if-youre-not-a-
good-coach
xi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Nash
xii
Daniel Goleman, https://hbr.org/2000/03/leadership-that-gets-
results . The 6 are: Coercive leaders demand immediate compliance.
Authoritative leaders mobilize people toward a vision. Affiliative
leaders create emotional bonds and harmony. Democratic leaders build
consensus through participation. Pacesetting leaders expect excellence
and self-direction. And coaching leaders develop people for the future.
xiii
Public Personnel Management Journal
xiv
From the article: “The Uniqueness about NS Coaching” by L. Michael
Hall, PhD
xv
https://hbr.org/2014/07/you-cant-be-a-great-manager-if-youre-not-a-
good-coach/
xvi
h t t p : / / m . e s p n . g o . c o m / e x t r a / b o x i n g /
story?storyId=10017608&top&wjb=
xvii
The User’s Manual for the Brain, Dr. L. Michael Hall
xviii
Cf Dr. L. Michael Hall, Group and Team Coaching
xix
Local TV and radio programs where people write letters and call in their
personal and love questions and stories and get advice from experts or
pseudo experts at the end, much like Dr. Phil and Oprah.
xx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Korzybski
xxi
From Andy Smith http://coachingleaders.emotional-climate.com/nlp-
presuppositions-1-the-map-is-not-the-territory/
xxii
Illustration taken from http://1-nlp.com/nlp_diagram_map_territory.
htm
xxiii
www.thegreatcourses.com/courses/understanding-the-secrets-of-
human-perception
xxiv
Dr. L Michael Hall, Meta-States, Mastering Your Mind’s Higher Levels 3rd
edition, 2012. Publisher: NSP: Neuro-Semantic Publications P.O. Box 8
Clifton, CO. 81520 USA
xxv
http://www.dorsetmentalhealthforum.org.uk/borderline-personality-
disorder.html
xxvi
http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/suppress.htm
xxvii
From L. Michael Hall’s Trainers’ Reflection #29, June 27, 2014 Training
APG Series (#9), Patter #5: Meta-Stating Troubling Emotions
xxviii
Group and Team Coaching by Dr. L. Michael Hall, NSP 2013.
xxix
Adapted from pp. 72-74 of Coaching Essentials Manual Module 1 of the
Meta-Coach Training System 2012 revision by L. Michael Hall
xxx
Special thanks to Meta-Coaches and NS Modular Trainers Reden Cerer
and Gerald Samson for enhancing this pattern.
xxxi
These patterns are taken from The Sourcebook of Magic by Dr. L. Michal
Hall. He also credited Richard Bandler and Kohn Grinder as originators
of some of these patterns.
xxxii
L. Michael Hall, The User’s Manual for the Brain, Volume II, pp. 529-530
xxxiii
Ibid, pp. 530-532
288 Endnotes
xxxiv
Ibid, pp. 524-525
xxxv
Ibid, pp. 527-528
xxxvi
L. Michael Hall, The Sourcebook of Magic (2008, 2nd edition) pp. 73-74
xxxvii
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins106192.
html#c3YI6UG0QJ0cRYcl.99
xxxviii
L. Michael Hall, The Sourcebook of Magic (2008, 2nd edition) pp. 61-65
xxxix
Both Movie Rewind and Swish Patterns are taught in Module I - Coaching
Essentials, of the Meta-Coaching Certification.
xl
http://breakingmuscle.com/strength-conditioning/meta-programs-
how-to-adjust-your-thinking-for-better-results
xli
The list of meta-programs are found on http://blog.iqmatrix.com/meta-
programs. I have re-laid them out here for better viewing.
xlii
Figuring People Out
xliii
Adapted from The Coaching Mastery Manual By L. Michael Hall, PhD
xliv
http://www.jimcollins.com/lab/hedgehog/
xlv
Roger Martin, Dean of the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of
Management.
xlvi
Most of the terms in the glossary are taken from The Sourcebook of
Magic by Dr. L. Michael Hall.
xlvii
http://www.nlp.com/mp3.php
About the Author
Aldem Salvaña earned his Master’s Degree

in Theological studies and Bachelor’s
Degree in Philosophy at the Ateneo de
Manila University where he also taught
for many years.
Upon discovering his passion for executive

and life coaching, Aldem became the Head
Coach and Managing Consultant of their family-owned business,
Breakthrough Coaching and Consulting, Inc. (BCCI).
As a trainer and facilitator, Aldem has worked with leaders from

over 450 organizations, facilitating 1,300+ workshops in the
corporate, government, cooperative, medical, academic and
religious settings in the Philippines and abroad.
With his core competencies in leadership development, team

creative problem solving, change management and teambuilding,
Aldem has helped turn around organizations that would otherwise
have disintegrated and reestablished leaders from losing trust,
unity and productivity.
As a world-class coach, Aldem is one of the first three Filipinos to

become a certified Meta-Coach by the Meta-Coaching Foundation.
He is also a Certified Full Trainer for the International Society of
Neuro-Semantics. He certifies and trains executives, managers,
and leaders to become Internationally Certified Meta-Coaches.
290
As a Meta-NLP master practitioner, he also certifies practitioner

and master practitioners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Aldem personally coaches CEOs, business owners, executives,

senior managers, and other individuals, facilitating key
transformations in their leadership and organizations. He is the
personal coach and coaching trainer of Bo Sanchez and The Feast
builders of the Light of Jesus Family.
Aldem lives in Manila, Philippines with his wife, Vanessa and their
five children.
For more information, you may contact Aldem Salvaña at BCCI’s

email: brkthru.consulting@gmail.com.
Do you want to have a copy of Bo Sanchez’s latest bestseller?
What about our collection of books that inspire, empower and
move you to live fantastic lives? You can now shop for them
— from the comfort of your home!
Our online bookstore has a new look, new feel, and new titles!
Choose from our vast collection of titles that cover a wide array of
topics and genres — from inspirational, spiritual, health, personal
finance… to youth, fiction and relationship books!
Whether it be paperback or digital copy, you can shop at
www.KerygmaBooks.com
and have it delivered at your doorstep* or straight to your
gadget — FREE OF CHARGE!
*For minimum paperback orders of Php 500.00 within Metro Manila only. Standard
shipping costs apply for orders below Php 500.00 and non-Metro Manila deliveries. For
digital purchases, download links will be sent immediately after confirmation of payment.
292
+632.4119370;
+63920.9502863
brkthru.coaching@gmail.com
Facebook/brkthrucoaching
Breakthrough Coaching and Consulting Inc Workshops:
• Meta-Coaching Module 1 (NLP Coaching)

• Meta-Coaching Module 2 (Accessing Personal Genius)
• Meta-Coaching Module 3 (Coaching Mastery Boot Camp)- with Dr. L.
Michael Hall, PhD
• The Manager as World Class Coach Series
• Leadership and Supervisory Workshops
• Personal Mastery
• Stress Management
• Succession Coaching and Mentoring
• Team Enhancement Workshops
• Emotional Quotient in the Workplace
• Unleashing Your Genius: Self-Leadership Retreats for Women
• iGenius Workshops for Youth
• Unleashing Passionate Commitment for Couples
• The Christian Leader as World Class Coach
Meta-Coaching Services:
• Executive Coaching
• Couple Coaching
• Life Coaching
• Teen Coaching
In formats of: One on One, Two On One, or Group Coaching

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The World-Class Coach 1

How Leaders Can Unleash

“This book is a giant gift to the world. Anyone who wants to be a

Stephen Thomas Misa

“Coaching is a critical leadership competency in the 21st century and this

Blesilda E. Concepcion, MD, MHPEd, MBA

“Successful entrepreneurs do not necessarily make good business

“A detailed and concise book on leadership and coaching that is worth

Michael Lu, ACC, CMC

“Finally, Aldem’s book on coaching. I’ve had the distinct privilege of

“A great tool that develops bigger leaders and transforms organizations

The World-Class Coach

Philippine Copyright © 2015 by Aldem Salvaña

Address requests for information to:

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

Cover Concept by Aldem Salvaña

A. Ready: Preparations C. Aim: Set the Why for

D. Breathe (Rhythm): Laying E. Fire: Let’s Hit It!

l Follow-Up Coaching l Coaching the HR Head

5. Coaching vs. Other Helping Disciplines 61

10. What Can Sabotage Your Coaching? 113

11. Some Coaching Presuppositions 115

12. It’s The Meta-States, St@P#D! 129

13. Coaching Troubling Emotions 141

15. When to Coach and Length of Coaching

16. How Does One Coach at World-Class Level? 161

17. The Pre-Coaching Process 171

18. The Coaching Cycle 179

20. More Neuro-Semantic Patterns for Leaders 197

5. Parts Negotiation Pattern 207

G. Aim Higher 209

22. How Does One Become a Meta-Coach? 219

H. Reinforce: Addendum 235

Parting Words 279

About the Author 289

LIST OF COACHING PATTERNS IN THE BOOK

friend and coach to each of them that is the higher standard of

workshops, and my sister in Canada, Mitch, who keeps my parents

“Every generation needs a new revolution.”

A revolution where no blood is spilled, no clanging of swords, no

This is a revolution started by leaders who have had enough of

They have witnessed countless organizations that cannot retain

Sadly, most employees are disengaged worldwide, and managers

THE NECESSARY SACRIFICE

Every revolution has casualties. For the coaching revolution, it

Most leaders spend time trying to get others to think highly of

These are the words of Booker T. Washington who, at the turn

author, orator and political leader. Born into slavery, he spent

Today, many forms of psychological slavery still exist. They are

OPPRESSION IS ALIVE AND UNWELL

I recently did a workshop with executives of a bank that was

During lunch after the workshop, a senior manager who directly

MANAGERS NEED COACHING

To start this coaching revolution, Gallup recommends that

Gallup’s research has found that managers are primarily

She had everything a young, ambitious manager could hope for,

With it came all manner of well-worn advice and words of wisdom,

Her bosses extended their patience as long as they could to allow

From the initial patience and understanding gradually came the

After this came the not-so-veiled threats of what they might be

By the time she was referred to me by one of the concerned board

This is just an example of the countless blocks professionals

From these coaching sessions, two initial observations come to