1

HIS JAR OF HEARTS

Chapter 1

I’ve gone through the whole floor, she’s nowhere to be seen. My heart
is wrenching in pain yet again, it feels like years ago when I looked
for her everywhere and couldn’t find even a trace of her.
“Excuse me sir. Are you okay?” It’s the hotel receptionist.
I make my way to the desk, my eyes glued to where Siza disappeared.
“That girl who was dressed in black, what is her room number?” I
ask.
I hope she has a room reserved in this hotel, if not, it will be hard to
trace her.
For five years, I have turned Mozambique upside down hoping to find
Siza. Meanwhile she was here in South Africa.
“Which girl sir?” The receptionist cuts my trail of thoughts.
I look back at the direction Siza went, maybe I was hallucinating. It
won’t be the first time.
“Never mind, I would like a room for the night.”
“Your room is ready sir. Mr Donda figured since the event is held
here, you might want to spend the night.” She says, flicking her
braids.
Trust my father to make decisions for me.
“We reserved your favourite room sir.”
She is flirty, “I’m married.”
Rather save her the trouble of thinking I might be interested.
Her eyes drop and her cheeks flush, “It’s not like that sir. I’m sorry I
didn’t mean to come across as flirty.”

2
I am not interested in her explanation, “I’ll get the key-card later.”
I show her a smile to lessen her embarrassment, then head to the
conference room. My father waves when he sees me walking in, my
fingers are crossed that he doesn’t approach me.
I want this event to be over and done with.
.
.

An hour into the event with a fake smile plastered on my face, I

decide that enough is enough.
“I’m getting out of here.”
I stand from where I’m sitting, my gaze searching for an exit, it’s
almost a sweet escape but the Emcee stops me.
“Ladies and gentleman, we also have with us the heir of Madoda
Connect. He is part of the fundraising committee.”
What Fundraising committee? Mlamuli didn’t mention any
fundraising to me.
More than 200 people are looking at me, giving me a standing
ovation. I wave with a smile on my face and turn around to leave.
“Mr. Donda, would you like to say a word to everyone.”
No I don’t, but I make my way to the stage while looking in the
direction my father is. He winks, and I swear I want to strangle him
when I get the chance. The emcee hands me the mic, and smiles. I
don’t return it.
“Good evening ladies and gentleman. Thank you for gracing us with
your presence tonight, your cooperation means a great deal to Madoda
Connect. I can’t really say why I’m standing on this stage, talking to
more than 200 people. I was not told that I would be put on the
spotlight, a shy man like myself.”

3
They crack in laughter.
“I’m not going to bore you, or take up anymore of your time. Let’s
reserve business speeches for the boardroom. Right now, I will let my
father take over from me, seeing he is more experienced in talking to
people than his kin. He is the founder of Donda connect after all.”
More laughter.
I look at Mlamuli, he has a proud smile on his face meanwhile I have
said nothing logical.
“Mr. Donda?” I gesture he joins me on stage. He makes his way,
waving to everyone that attempts to shake his hand.
“That was a smart move son,” he whispers to me.
I repay him the wink he gave me a while back. Once the clapping dies
down, Mlamuli takes the mic and this gives me a chance to exit the
room.
I know he won’t be happy about this, but I need some air.

I find myself in the garden, the light keeps the place bright. Siza starts
to come to mind as I settle on one of the benches.
How is she alive? Is it really her? It looked like she didn’t recognise
me.
Over the years, I have been donating money to charity and would visit
orphanages thinking it would ease the pain of losing Siza and the
quads.
Who was I kidding? She is tattooed in my soul and no matter how
much I tried to forget her, I could never get her out of my heart.
Out of the blue, I hear muttering and grumbling. Curiosity starts to
lead me to that direction, a male voice suddenly snaps.
“What did I tell you about entertaining other men?”

4
“He had my phone, I had to get it back.” That’s her voice, Siza’s
voice.
“Are you calling me a liar?” The male voice projects as I get closer.
“I didn’t say that Marvin, please don’t put words in my mouth.”
Now I am convinced that that’s Siza behind that voice, I know how
she sounds when she’s being tested and about to snap.
“Shut up and don’t touch me. You smell like a brewery. I warned you
about your drinking habit, you keep going against my word. You
know what happens when you disobey me.” The aggression in his
passive is hastily growing.

A loud slap harasses my ears followed by a scream, I take off running,

tracing her loud whimpers. Like I assumed, he’s manhandling her. His
hand is gripped around her throat, and she’s hanging mid-air.
“You son of a bi-tch.” I charge at him and punch him on the jaw. He’s
so tall and buff that he only moves an inch.
Siza is on the ground, wincing in pain.
“Hey, are you okay?” I help her up, not expecting her to push me.
“Don’t touch me.” She barks, and begins to rub her bruised neck.
As I observe her, the puzzle comes together. The bruises and dry
blood on her lip and forehead, it’s evidence of abuse.
“Did he do this to you?” She looks at me like I am invading her
privacy.
“Stay out of this, this is between me and my wife.” The man slams a
hand on my shoulder, roughly pushing me.
Did he say wife?
I turn to Siza, she scowls and lets this fool place an arm around her
shoulders. My blood starts boiling, I want to cut off his arm.

5
“Gugu, let’s go.”
No, that’s not her name. I know my Gundi, and this is her.
“Siza, what’s going on? Who is this man? Why is he calling you
Gugu?”
She moves away from my incoming touch.
“Look, grandpa. I don’t know who you think I am, but I assure you
that you have the wrong person.” She says.
“No I don’t, you are Sizalobu…”
The man with her towers over me, and glares with a threat in his eyes
as he hastily cuts me off.
“Hey fuck off man. Stop harassing my wife or I will call the police.”
He grunts.

6
Chapter 2
Siyakhula
.
.

It’s the second time I’m letting her get away. I feel helpless and
stupid.
She doesn’t know me? How is that even possible? Could I be
mistaken about her identity? The only change in her is the weight
loss, piercings and dress code.
She is walking away from me again and there is nothing I can do to
stop her, not with that attitude she’s carrying. I wait for her to at least
turn around, my heart stirs in hot oil when she doesn’t.
Who is that man she’s with? Could it be that they are really married
and I’m mistaken?

“Son.” My father is headed this way, I look at him until he stops in

front of me. The look in his eyes speaks of concern.
“Are you okay?”
His fatherly touch always gets to me, maybe it’s the little boy in me
that grew up without a father and now that he’s here—always here, I
almost crumble to pieces when he shows up for me.
“My life just turned around in the blink of an eye.” I confess, eyes lost
into thin air.
“What?”
“Siza is alive baba.” Yes, we reached that stage where I address him
as my father.

7
He’s quiet while staring into my eyes, I can’t read his face even with
this closeness between us.
“Did you hear what I said?” I shake his shoulder and he blinks. For a
second there I think I hear him sigh.
He clears his throat, “Are you sure it was her? People lookalike.”
He bursts my bubble.
Then again, I know people lookalike, but the similarity can’t be that
strong.
This is all Phangizitha’s fault, he turned my life upside before killing
himself.
It’s been over five years and yet I still can’t get over his words, they
haunt me so much that I drown in them whenever they ring in my
head.

If I can’t have her, neither can you.

They are so loud and clear, as if it were yesterday when he uttered

them.
They would play over and over in my head, causing me to scream in
agony. The guilt still eats me up, after so many years, I don’t know
how to heal or get out of it.
Nothing can take away the pain and guilt I feel over losing Siza.
Including drowning my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle.

“Let’s go home, you need some rest.” Mlamuli says.

“You go ahead, I have some things to take care of.”
“Are you going to the bar?” He knows about my bad habit.

8
“No.” Although a drink or two would be nice right now. Mlamuli
exhales, as he squeezes my shoulder.
“Go home son, we will talk tomorrow.”
My answer comes in a form of a head nod. He takes off, leaving me in
the garden.

My mind takes me back to Siza, or Gugu, or whatever her name is.

She is my Siza, how can I forget the woman I once loved?
I am going to get her back, no matter what.

I have to focus on things that could still turn out alright. I have little
time to find out who that she really is before she completely
disappears again.

My plan to spend the night at the hotel is cancelled by the message I

receive from Olive, he’s at my house.
We had plans, I almost forgot about that.
I cancel my stay at the hotel and exit the building, my heart feels
heavy as I do. Part of me believes I am leaving Siza behind, another
part which is huge, believes I will never see her again.

Black is waiting for me, he drives closer at my approach.

“Take me home, Black.”
“Yes sir.”
On the way, I keep myself busy on Google looking for Marvins in
Johannesburg. It’s stupid of me to be doing that, there is no way I will
find him without his surname.

9
He looked wealthy with how he was dressed, so I’m guessing he’s
one of the elites of Johannesburg.

“Black find out who Marvin and Gugu are.” I say after I have
exhausted myself on the internet.
“What are their surnames sir.”
“I don’t know, Gugu looks exactly like Siza. She is married to
Marvin. I want all information before lunch tomorrow.” I see his eyes
in the rear-view mirror, he’s just called me crazy without actually
saying a word. I snap my brows, he looks ahead.
“That won’t be possible sir. Where will I begin? There are a million
Marvin’s and Gugus in this country.”
“I know Black, that’s why I am giving you the task to do research on
them. Gugu being Siza’s lookalike should be an enough clue for you.”
He doesn’t say anything further.
As we arrive, I send him off after telling him to be early tomorrow.
He drives away immediately.

The house lights are on, Olive is the only one with keys to my house.
Sometimes he brings his mother over. I need to have a talk with him
about that.
He is old enough to understand that there is nothing between Nadine
and I and there never will be.
I amble to the house, taking my time in the process. The door opens
upon my arrival, it’s my son. He suffocates me in a hug and kisses my
cheek. I’m used to it by now, it’s how he was brought up.

10
“You’re late.” Nadine says behind Olive, she is shorter than him,
that’s why I didn’t see her.
I had hoped she didn’t tag along.
“I was busy.” I stride into the house, and saunter to the pantry. I need
a stiff drink before I lose my mind.
“Busy with what, Siyakhula? Did you forget that today is a Friday,
you had a movie night with Olive?”
She is giving me a headache with all this unnecessary shouting.

“It’s okay mom, I don’t mind. I know dad is a busy man.” Olive
throws me a sincere smile. He is a good child, you would swear he
wasn’t raised by Nadine.
“See, the boy understands.” I gulp down my drink, it shakes my
nerves a little but also burns that I shiver to shake off the strong
sensation.
As my eyes land on Nadine, she’s staring back with aggression in
hers. I shrug, wanting to know what her problem.
“His name is Olive.”
Sigh!

Dammit! Nadine of all people knows how much I love my son, she
chooses to be blind sometimes because she wants to control me when
it comes to raising Olive.
Choosing to ignore Nadine, I turn to Olive. He’s sweeping some dirt
near the chimney.
“Son, leave that. The cleaner will take care of it.” I tell him.
He doesn’t do chores around here, so what’s this?

11
“It’s okay dad, mom asked me to clean it. She accidentally burnt your
photo album.”

I’m slow, maybe dazed because it’s taking time for me to grasp what
Olive just said.
I look at Nadine, she’s not looking at me. The arrogance in her
demeanour is so visible I can touch it.
“What did you do Nadine?”
All of Siza’s pictures are inside that album. Pictures we took together.
“It was a mistake.” She arrogantly says.
I am going to kill this woman.
.
.
.
“Get off here,” Marvin says.
I snip a glance his way, it’s five minutes away from home and it’s
night time.
“Why?” My question gets me a stern look.
“You have pissed me off enough tonight, don’t press my buttons any
further.”

The warning is loud and clear, it reminds me of the times he’s warned
me and I was too stubborn to listen.
I jump out, and the car speeds off.
That jerk.
He didn’t say a word to me on the way home, instead he kept his rage
company.

12
I walk the rest of the way home, kicking small stones in front of me
that are clattered on the dusty ground.
The alcohol is slowly weighing off, I need a drink. I’m desperate for
one, the urge is boiling within me and because of this, I am in for a
rough night.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I push further with the goal to get
home, cuddle my baby and get some sleep. I always wake up feeling
like a new person the next day, that’s what I need.

The cold is happily smashing against my skin. This is what I get for
wearing revealing clothes.
I make it home alive, but freezing.
Upon my arrival, Elsa’s singing greets me. This child is obsessed with
the movie Frozen. He should be sleeping, it’s past his bed time.
“I’m home.” For my son’s sake, I have to sound cheerful, mask the
dread I feel every day of my life.
He is a bubbly child. I wouldn’t want to expose him to my dark life.
“Hey babe.” Bonolo shows her face, she looks after my son when I’m
not around.
We are sort of friends, I like to keep my circle small.
The only family I have is Marvin and Joj, our son.

Behind Bonolo is little Joj. He smiles brightly as our eyes meet and
runs into my arms.
“You’re growing up too fast buddy, slow down, mommy hasn’t had
enough of you.”

13
His giggles play in my ears, it’s beautiful. He is my heaven on earth,
if he were not here, I would have ended it all.
“I missed you mom.”
He calls me mom, it was mommy until he turned 5 years old on the
first of January.
His sixth birthday is around the corner.
“I missed you too baby,” I lift him up and stroke to the living room.
“Thank you Bonolo, I’ll take it from here.” I tell the babysitter.

“You look botched.” She’s referring to my face. I didn’t put on

enough makeup to hide the scars on my face. None of my friends
know what happens in this house between Marvin and I.
We are friends but I always make sure to keep my personal life
personal.
“Did Marvin do this to you?” This is what I don’t like, people
meddling in my life.
I ignore her question and keep my focus on Joj, he’s telling me what’s
going to happen next on Frozen. He’s been watching this since he was
three, and I was here to witness every moment of it.
Of course I know what’s going to happen next.

“Gugu, you can’t let that man abuse you like this. Speak up, or he will
kill you.”
I don’t want to hear a lecture, I have a headache.
I stand with Joj in my arms, “I will call you. Please close the door on
your way out.”
I leave her standing there in shock.
“Goodnight Nolo.” That’s Joj.
14
“Good night nana, see you tomorrow.” She reports back.
.
.
I didn’t mean to be rude to Bonolo, but a lecture is something I don’t
need right now. Especially when I don’t know what is going on
myself.
Marvin has a loose hand, he says everything I do is wrong. I’m still
trying to wrap my hand around that and his wildness.

Joj has fallen asleep, this gives me time to take a quick bath. Sort his
school uniform and pack his books for school tomorrow.
He’s in grade R, I still can’t get over how he cried on his first day.
He’s happier when his father is not around because I let him skip
school sometimes.
I cuddle next to my son and turn off the light, Marvin won’t demand
that I come to bed when I’m sleeping with Joj. I always have a million
excuses as to why I can’t leave my son alone.

“Siza!” The voice rings in my head.

It’s all in my head, that dark man’s voice and his face. He says he
knows me, nothing about him was recognizable.
Why did he insist that he knows me?
Overthinking will get me nowhere, I need to sleep off this alcohol in
my system. Everything will feel better and clear in the morning.
.
.

15
Nothing feels better the next morning, that dark skinned man was in
my dreams claiming he knows me. I guess it’s because of yesterday’s
happenings that I dreamt of him.
“Mom we are going to be late.” Joj shakes my arm.
I’m always getting lost into space, and deep down, slowly drifting
into a dark place.
“Where is your bag?”
“Here.” He giggles, pointing at the backpack on his back. “Can we go
now?”
This is one impatient kid.
I grab the car keys and my purse and lock the house.
Marvin didn’t come home last night, I love it when he doesn’t come
home. The house feels lighter.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay home with mom today?” I ask
Joj as we drive out.
“Nope, we are having cake today. It’s Miracle’s birthday.” He speaks
with excitement in his voice.
He’s told me about this Miracle before, he says she’s his girlfriend.
Marvin thinks it’s funny, he laughs when Joj talks about it. I don’t
share the same sentiments. Joj is too young to be talking about
girlfriends, let alone thinking about them.

We arrive at his school, he is so excited that he dashes out of the car

and forgets to close the door or kiss me goodbye.

16
17
Chapter 3
Siyakhula
.
.
I was about five seconds to losing my mind while turning the house
upside down, searching for pictures of Siza and me. It’s the only
proof I have that she is who I said she is. If I show her those pictures,
then maybe, hopefully she will believe me.
Nadine is crazy, one of the reasons I want her out of my life.
Unfortunately, we can’t always have what we want now, can we?
That’s why she is at my house, having breakfast with me and my son.
I still don’t understand why she burnt my photo album. She insists
that it was a mistake.
Why did she even feel a need to touch it?

“Dad, you coming to my match today right?” Olive asks.

That slipped my mind, I will have to change my schedule to
accommodate him.
“I’ll be there buddy.” I let him know, and witness a huge smile spread
across his face.

Nadine randomly, takes her plate and grabs mine.

“I’m not done.” I tell her.
I have maids who clean up after me, I don’t need her doing anything
in my house.
“There’s crumbs left, Siyakhula.” She begins to walk toward the
kitchen.

18
“I said I am not done.” I spit, causing her to stop in her tracks.
There’s pin drop silence, she’s staring, so is Olive.
Yes, I sound and look annoyed.
Nadine pissed me off to the last degree last night.
She drops my plate back on the table and drags her feet to the kitchen,
her anger does not affect me.

“Flora.” I call for the helper, she shows face instantly.

“Yes sir.”
“You may clear the table.” I stand and tell Olive to get up as well. I’m
dropping him off at school, and Nadine at her place.
I don’t want her here alone, she might burn my house down.

Olive’s school is closer, we drop him first and Nadine last.

After a while of driving through morning traffic, we arrive.
I head straight to my office, then call Rose.

“What does my schedule look like today, Rose?”

She is my PA, she might as well be my second in command. When I
am unable to function, she takes over and makes sure Carved is
running smoothly.
“You have a 10 am talk with the learners at Kings School. A
conference call with Wong at 12pm and lunch with your mother at
1pm.”
“Cancel lunch with my mother, I will call her.” Olive has a soccer
match at one, I promised I would be there.

19
Being a father is not the easiest job in the world, kids can be very
demanding. Like all teenagers, Olive finds it hard to understand that
parents have other responsibilities outside parenting and because of
that, I have to avail myself whenever he needs me.
Consistency is important in parenting.

“Done sir, is there anything else?”

“That’s all Rose.”
She nods and exits the office.

It’s 9:16am, if I leave now, I will make it in time.

I’m on my way to the school, Black is driving me. To be honest, I am
not looking forward to this. I have other things on my mind.
“Any updates on Gugu and Marvin?”
“Nothing yet sir.” Black replies.
Sigh!
.
.
.
Hours later, I’m still parked outside Joj’s school. Still sitting in the
same position, my hands clamped around the steering wheel and eyes
stuck on the entrance.
The sound of a car hooting brings me out of my daze. I’m the only
one here. That security guard weirdly staring at me must think I’m a
creep.
The honk again, I look back to see a white C class.

20
The man behind the wheel gestures that I move. I’m not even
blocking the entrance.
I ignore him and pick up my phone from the dashboard, I stare at the
name on the screen.
I’m not sure I want to talk to Karabo. Then again, she is the only
person that listens to me and never complains when I vent.
“Yes.” I answer.
“Good morning Gugu. How are you this fine morning?”
Karabo is checking up on me, she does that once in a while. It’s part
of the therapy program, I’m not used to it yet. Having someone on my
beck and call.
What I hate is the fake affection, it’s her job to check up on me. She
does it with a smile because she knows it comes with a big, fat cheque
at the end of the month.
“Morning Karabo.”
“How are you?”
“Okay.”
“It turns out I have free time. You free for a meetup?”
She deserves an Oscar for pretending.
“I’m not in the mood for company, I’ll pass.”
“Come on, it’s a beautiful day today. The sun is out and…”
“Can we do it tomorrow?” I ask, wanting to get rid of her.
“Okay, no excuses tomorrow.” She sounds disappointed.
I’m too lazy to care, I cut the call without giving her a reply.

That C Class is still parked behind me, the head lights are on.

21
The driver hoots, I have a feeling it’s what he’s been doing while I
spoke to Karabo. I can’t seem to focus on so many things at once.
One more hoot and I roll my eyes at him and start the car.

Just as I reverse, the back door of the Mercedes opens and out pops
the dark skinned man.
He is drenched in a light blue, three-piece suit. Dark shades covering
his eyes, he’s scanning his surroundings while fixing himself. For a
while, I’m lost staring at him.
His gaze stop when he looks my way, he removes the shades. His
brows are furrowed in deep concentration, it looks like he is about to
snap.

Bang!

Damn!
Did I just bump his car? I see him huff, and fingering his collar as his
frown grows. The driver steps out to check the damage and me… well
I’m too frozen to move.
My first thought is… Drive.
I roll down the window and shout a, “Sorry!” Then speed off.
I can’t get into trouble with the police, Marvin won’t like it.
.
.
.

SIYAKHULA

22
“Don’t worry sir, I got the number plates. They won’t get away with
it. We’ll find out who they are.” Black angrily says.
The dent is not that bad, I’m sure the driver didn’t mean it. But what
puzzles me is why she drove away. I wasn’t going to charge her.
“I’ll go inside Black.”
He swats the air with his hand, “That stupid fool. Look at this dent.”
This he says, inspecting the damage.
“What should I do with the number plates, sir? We can’t let them get
away with this.”
“I don’t know, Black. Keep it, I’ll sort this out after my appointment.”
I enter the school grounds, Black is too focused on the car to notice
me leaving.

The security guard ushers me to principal’s office.

“Mr Donda!” The principal shakes my hand.
“Mr. Ntuli, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”
“Not at all, the boys are waiting for you in the hall.”
Mr. Ntuli leads the way to the hall, it’s crowded and very loud in here.
The children are seated on the floor, legs crossed and school bags
beside them.
He gets them to settle down and gives me the stage, this feels
different from that time I was made to speak in front of my father’s
associates.

23
The topics at hand are short and long term goals. Starting a business,
which is way too farfetched for children under grade 7. But I was told
to touch on these subjects.
The big kids have more questions about starting your own business,
questions I gladly answer. An hour in, I am dead beat and ready to go.

“Thank you Mr. Donda for the talk, this means a lot to the schoolers.”
I shake hands with Mr. Ntuli.
“Children are the future, we need to guide them whenever we can.” I
reply.
Children are close to my heart. I would be a father of four had
Phangizitha not taken Siza and my babies from me.

Speaking of children, there is a little kid that caught my attention from

when I walked on stage.
I haven’t taken my eyes off him, in fact, he’s stolen my whole
attention that Mr. Ntuli calls him over.
“Joj Bora.”
The little boy stops tying his laces and looks up with curiosity in his
eyes. He’s so tiny, with round eyes and a natural smile. My eyes are
on him as he pounces over to us.
“This is Joj Bora, he’s in grade R and will be starting grade 1 next
year. His father is one of our biggest investors in this school.” -Mr.
Ntuli.

I am more interested in Joj, than his father.

I kneel in front of him, “Hello Joj.”
“Hi.” He’s shy.

24
“Do you want me to help you with your laces?” I volunteer and he
nods timidly.
There is something interesting about Joj, I can’t put a finger to it.
Could be that his skin is as dark as mine. Maybe he reminds me of
myself when I was his age.
“How old are you Joj?”
I’m probably giving him more attention than I should, I hope Mr.
Ntuli does not read this wrong.
.
.
.

I’m sitting with a glass of wine when Karabo knocks on the door. I
recognise the sound because she always knocks three times and too
fast.
Dispersing the stiffness in my joints from sitting in the same position
for way too long, I get out of the chair and go over to the door.
She beams as I allow her to enter the house, and throws herself
around me in a bear-hug.
“I was worried about you, you didn’t take my call after we had
spoken.”
I did that on purpose, sometimes she doesn’t get that I want to be
alone.
“I am not in the mood for company, you have to go.” I say before
completely deciding on it.
“Gugu!” She sounds a bit irked.
“I told you I can’t see you today.”

25
“Okay, but what you are doing is not right.” She is examining me
with professional eyes. I hate it when she does that.
“Have you been drinking?”
“No.” I push her out of the house, and shut the door.
I stand against the door, hoping she doesn’t bother me anymore.
She’s gone, I can’t relax though. Karabo is stubborn, she will be back,
and that makes me nervous.

The surge of uneasiness hits me so hard that I begin to panic. To drive

it out, I drink two more glasses of wine in one go. I need to sleep it
off, so I lie down on the couch and wrap myself in a small blanket.

I must have dozed off at some point because I’m woken up by

someone shaking me. It’s Marvin squeezed on the couch next to me,
Karabo is here too.
“Karabo tells me you have been drinking.” He says.
Karabo is supposed to be my therapist.
Why is she sharing confidential information with my husband?
I know that look Marvin is giving me, I’m in trouble.

With a gasp, I stand up and try to push him away, he catches me in his
arms, holding me captive.
“Not again—please.”
Knowing what’s to come, I fight against him only for him to carry me
to our bedroom.

I find myself pinned to the bed with him hovering on top of me.

26
He ties my arms to the bed post and takes out an injection. He’s going
to drug me— again.
“Marvin, I will behave. I promise.” I scream at the top of my lungs,
my heart thumping so loudly against my ribcage.
Marvin injects me anyway, it doesn’t take long for me to start to lose
consciousness.
Before I lose my senses, I hear him say, “It’s okay, this will help you
relax.” With his palm rubbing the back of my hand.

27
Chapter 4
SIYAKHULA
.
.
“I’m five years old.” Little Joj shows a toothless smile as he holds up
five fingers.
“That’s a big age there, buddy.” I pat his head and his smile broadens.
“Yes, dad said I’m a man.” He proudly reveals.
“A little man, yes.” I can’t hide my smile.
He nods, “Thank you for helping me tie my shoes.”
Aren’t we polite?
“You are welcome Joj, are we friends now?” He nods once more.
“But I don’t know your name. All my friends have names.”-Joj.
“Call me Khula.”
He pats my shoulder, causing me to chuckle at the innocence in him.
“It was nice meeting you buddy, you may go to class now.”
He runs off after excitedly waving goodbye.
I promise Mr. Ntuli another visit and say my goodbyes.

I missed my 12 pm and forgot to tell Rose to cancel the meeting.

It’s after lunch, I’m rushing to Olive’s school. His match has begun,
he probably thinks I won’t make it.
My phone rings, I ignore Nadine’s call. I know she’s at the school and
fuming.

“Black, step on it.” I instruct.

28
His driving is embarrassingly slow today, he can’t still be upset over
that dent.
“Sir, I know who bumped the car.”
Okay, that was fast. I’m dazed by the fact that he is still stuck on that.
“It’s not a big deal Black, we can get the car fixed.”
“Even if it was Marvin Bora?”
Wait a minute, “What did you say?”
“A friend ran the plates for me, they are registered under Marvin
Bora.”
Could it be the same Marvin I’m looking for?
“Do you have a picture of him?”
“Yes sir, I sent it to your email and everything else you need to know
about him. I had to dig further, just in case he is the Marvin you are
looking for.”

I open the email and indeed, it’s that idiot from last night. It says here,
he was born and raised in Cape Town. He is the CEO and founder of
Flourish Enterprises. This is the company dad wants to merge with.
But, why was Marvin’s name not included in the file Mlamuli gave
me?
“Take me to his house, Black.”
“Yes sir.”
I was going to let this car thing go if Marvin was not behind it.
.
.
.

29
My hands are untied when I wake up, I scan the room in search for
Marvin. Usually, he would be sitting on the bed beside me, or on the
chair by the window.
I drag myself out of bed and lock the door. There are days when I
don’t feel safe with Marvin, today is one of them.

I’m going to kill Karabo, how could she betray me like this. She
knows how Marvin is, yet she told him I was drinking.
I must have gotten lost in my thoughts because it seems like too little
time has passed until there is a knock at the door.
The person is twisting the doorknob and calling my name.
I lean on the door and sink down to hug my legs.
Marvin knocks again, “Gugu open the door.”
His voice carries from the other side of the door, it’s enough to make
me tremble like a leaf.

I run my sweaty palm across my face. I don’t want him anywhere

near me when he is like that.
“Gugu, open the door.” His knock persists.
“Leave me alone.” I know I sound like a petulant child, but I can’t
imagine anything worse than letting him in.
“I won’t hurt you, I only want to see if you are okay.”
I snort with laughter, I have heard those words before. Nothing but
lies.
“I’m fine.” I know I shouldn’t be engaging in a conversation at all
because he is good at getting me to abide to his commands. But It’s so
hard to avoid him.
“Karabo is here to make sure you’re okay.” He says.

30
Karabo, the same woman who told on me.

He won’t do anything to me in her presence, that’s why when he

injected me, he took me to the bedroom first.

I run my options, I can’t stay locked up in here. Eventually, I would

have to come out.
My hand moves to the door handle before I get time to think things
through.
The door swings inward, and they both become visible. Marvin is tall,
and very intimidating.
“Let’s go to the living room.” I flinch as he takes my hand, any
normal person would pick up that I’m not okay with this touch and
draw back, but Marvin can’t be ranked as normal.

He sits me down on the sofa and perches himself beside me, placing
his hand on my knee.
“Are you okay?” Karabo’s question is somewhat difficult to answer.
I don’t know how I feel.
“Yes.” I lie and she knows it.
That doubtful look in her eyes is evidence.
“Baby, you have to be honest if you want Karabo to help you.”
Marvin articulates.
But I am confused, is he aware of the things I will say to Karabo if I
decide to be honest?
I look up at him, “You want me to be honest?”
I’m basically challenging him, he narrows his eyes but not enough for
Karabo to see, just enough for me to see the warning in them.
31
I move my eyes from him and turn to Karabo, “I Just have a
headache. Must be the alcohol.”
Like I always do, I put the blame on myself.
I can’t trust Karabo. I can’t tell her that this man has a loose hand.
That he hurts me when he doesn’t get his way.

“I think you should come back tomorrow, let Gugu rest.” He decides
for me.
Karabo doesn’t argue with him, she stands, and Marvin walks her out.

Now that it’s just us two, I’m uneasy again. Why did I leave the
bedroom?
I sit down on the floor with my back to the couch, my breathing
escalates.
My pulse is racing.
I clench and unclench my fists, digging my nails into my palms in
hope that the panic would cease.
It’s not helping. Every breath becomes more and more shallow.
Marvin is going to kill me.

Hugging my knees, I hear Marvin’s footsteps echoing loudly from the

concrete floor. Every thud of his shoes across the floor sends a jolt of
fear through me.
When he appears, I drop my eyes.
“What the hell was that?” He growls in Afrikaans.
He always speaks Afrikaans when he’s angry with me and his
coloured accent thickens.

32
I can’t answer, my throat is too tight.
“Are you trying to make me look bad in front of Karabo? What were
you thinking locking yourself up in the bedroom?”
He squats in front of me, and grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at
him.
Marvin is readable, it’s easy to tell what his next move will be. Like I
expected, my cheek is throbbing from his vicious slap.
I squeal and hide my face in my palms.
“Look at me.” He forces my face up again, his fingers digging into
my cheeks.
“What do you have to say for yourself?”
He wants an apology, he rides on those.

“I want a divorce.” The words leave my mouth before I can make

sense of them.
The anger in Marvin’s eyes turns to something I never want to see.
The veins on his neck stand out.
“What did you say?”
“I want out, I don’t love you. I want out.” I feel nothing for him.
At this point, his face is flashing in rage.
“Are you sure about that?” He questions, gripping the front of my
throat.
It hurts as he pulls me up by the neck, his eyes are empty. It’s a look
of evil.
“Kill me. It’s what you’ve always wanted.” I shout.
I wanted to sound bold but my body and voice failed me, I’m
trembling.

33
Marvin’s grip tightens around my throat, his body is shaking with
rage, his jaw clamps and the look in his eyes hardens.
“Don’t…”
He’s interrupted by a loud knock at the door, he frowns as the grip
lessens until I fall on the couch, chasing my breath.
“Don’t move.” He instructs as he moves to the door.

“You?” I hear Marvin spit.

“We meet again, Marvin Bora.” That voice—it’s him.

34
Chapter 5
.
.
“I’m sure you don’t mind if I let myself in.” It’s the dark skinned
man’s voice.
I fiddle on the couch, looking for a better way to sit. I don’t want to
seem like an abused calf in front of strangers.
He walks in just as I’m fixing my hair, his eyes instantly fall on me.
My shuffling halts, I’m staring back. There is nothing going on in my
mind, not a single, tiny thought.
This man—there is a familiarity in his eyes.
Somehow, I see in them what I feel every day of my life, emptiness
and pain; unbearable pain that cuts through one’s soul.
Could it be that he’s going through demons as well?

His rich and powerful look makes up for the dread in his eyes. His
dark skin is fine and smooth, like he baths in expensive water.
If God were to tell me that this is the first dark skinned man he
created, I would believe him because I have never seen such an
appealing darkness before.

In a jiffy, what I assume is concern cuts through his eyes. Then in a

split second, it transitions to pity that has me drawing my eyes from
him.

“What’s going on?” He asks ever so calmly, as Marvin appears

behind him.

35
“Get out of my house.” Marvin fires, blocking him from seeing me.
They are almost the same height, Marvin is a head taller. Their bodies
are the same size, big and muscular.
They would both fit well in a rugby field.

“What have you done, Bora?” The man glides to the side to take
another look at me, then back at Marvin.
Can he tell that I’m a battered woman?
“None of your business.” Marvin grunts, he wants to fight, I can see
with how he’s standing.
“How long has this been going on?”-The man continues in addition.
“What happens between me and my wife has nothing to do with you.
Stay out of it.”
Why do I get the feeling that Marvin knows who he is? If he were a
stranger, Marvin’s replies would be different.
“Bullshit! Do you know laying your hands on a woman is a crime?”
He’s right, but Marvin is the law, he’s got money. That means the
police are on his side.
“Baby tell this man you’re okay, so he can leave us alone.” This
bastard.
I am not okay, but I can’t tell anyone that. I will lose everything, my
son and my home. Marvin will take me back to the streets where he
found me.

I get up from the floor, my hand shielding the cheek where I was
slapped.
“I’m fine,” fear covers my voice and I see rage cloak Marvin’s face.
I’m going to get it.

36
The man glares into my eyes, making me feel guilty and ashamed for
letting Marvin treat me like trash.
My husband makes his way to me, and wraps his arm around my
shoulders.
“You heard her, now get out.” Marvin sneers.
The stranger huffs, he doesn’t believe our bullshit.

“I’m watching you Marvin Bora. Touch her again and I will flip your
world upside down so fast you will beg me for mercy.”
“You wouldn’t.” Marvin returns.
They size each other up, head-to-head.
I see a fight coming.
“Try me, Bora. Oh please I beg you to try me.” His threatening tone
has Marvin swallowing hard, a rare sight.
Marvin is not easily intimidated, this is new.

“Get the hell out of my house.” An offended Marvin pushes the man.
“Don’t touch me.” He pushes Marvin back.
He looks at me and tilts his head a bit, “I will leave my card here. You
can contact me anytime.” He puts the card on the table.
No. No.
Does this man know the fire he has started, it will never be
extinguished. Marvin hates being challenged and that’s what this man
has done.

“My name is Siyakhula Donda.” His eyes move from me, he’s glaring
at Marvin now. “Donda from Madoda connect.”

37
Siyakhula is emphasising on something in particular and again, nerves
tug at Marvin.

The head tilt again before he ambles out the house.

The moment I stand, a slap lands on my cheek. It’s so hard that I fall
to the ground with a loud thud.
“You bitch!” A blow crashes into my ribs, and another slap on my
face.
I’m too lost in panic to register which sides I have been hit.
This is not the first time I have fallen prey to Marvin’s fists, but this is
the first time I’m screaming for help.
He sits on my stomach, crushing my ribs while his large hands cling
on to my throat. My life flashes before me as I thrash on the floor,
desperate for freedom and struggling to get loose.

“I took you in, when you were nothing and this is how you repay me.”
The insults and assaults go on and on. I have no power to stop him,
even if I were to beg for the sake of our son. Joj is not his weakness.

He grabs me and throws me on the couch, he is standing above me;

his God complex coming to life. This man thinks he is above the law
and anything.
“Time for you to apologize, Gugu.” He says, folding his arms.
I haven’t gathered myself, nor collected my senses, yet he wants me
to draft an apology.
“I’m sorry.”
Only he knows what I am apologizing for.

38
“You are mine Gugu, mine. You will never leave me for another man,
say it.” He howls.
“I will never leave you for anyone.” I say.
He grasps my chin, holding my head up.
“I will kill you and Joj if you dare.” The whisper is eerie, it causes me
to shake with fear.
He kisses me, hard then spits on my face.
“You’re trash, get up and go clean yourself.”

Slowly picking myself up, I hear the door crash open.

“Siza.”
Siyakhula’s voice sounds like hope, the same hope sashays into my
chest and bursts into small particles that show me the light at the end
of the tunnel.

Marvin stiffens, preparing himself for battle. He sneers at me as if

daring me not to utter a word.
Deciding not to keep his anger at bay, Marvin shouts…
“I can shoot you for trespassing.”
Siyakhula sweeps me a quick look before he’s glaring daggers at
Marvin.
The two men charge at each other, the sound of knuckles connecting
with something hard resound in the room.
They are fighting, brutally punching each other.
I watch in horror, the thunderous blows fuelling my headache.

39
Seeing how dangerous it is for me to be in plain sight, I drag my
exhausted self to the corner of the couch as the two murderously
abuse each other.
Furniture is shifted, blows are exchanged.
“Don’t hurt him.”
I don’t know why I yell these words, why I don’t want Marvin to hurt
Siyakhula.
For a reason I do not know, I can’t stand seeing Siyakhula taking
those vicious punches from Marvin.
Why does it hurt seeing him in pain?
Marvin is exhausted, he can’t fight anymore. He rushes out the room,
Lord knows where he is going.

“Siza…” Siyakhula rushes to me.

It’s that unfamiliar name again. I can’t ease up to it. He leans over me,
wiping the trickle of blood beneath my nose. I had no idea the slap
made me bleed.
“Can you stand?” He holds my hand with his blood stained one.
The look he is giving me makes me want to hide from him. I hate
being seen like this— vulnerable.
“Can you stand?” Siyakhula repeats.
He should be worried about the bruises on his face, not me. He is
bleeding.
When I don’t reply, he scoops me up.
“I’m taking you out of here.” He says, nearing the open door.
“I can walk.” Eventually, I speak and squirm until he puts me down.
Marvin comes back, thank God he does not have a weapon with him.

40
He wipes the blood on his lip with the back of his hand as he says,
“My wife is not going anywhere with you.”
His eyes are bloodshot red, as if he’s been crying.
Siyakhula ignores him, “Can you reach around my neck?”
I told him I can walk, there is no need for any of this. It will only fuel
Marvin’s anger.
“Gugu?” That’s Marvin.
I ignore him and exit the house, Siyakhula is behind me.
God! I don’t know what I’m doing.
“Fine, go do what you have to do. I will fetch our son from school,
you will find us here, waiting for you.” That tone Marvin just used is
a threat. He knows how to use Joj as a weapon.
I could stop, go back into the house and let him finish what he started.
But there won’t be a mother to come home to for Joj if Marvin kills
me.
So I let Siyakhula open the car door for me and hop in, I don’t look
sideways, as the man on the wheel starts driving, but I see from my
side view, Marvin standing outside.
He is never going to forget this.

41
Chapter 6
.
.
My mind keeps screaming at me to go back home—home to Marvin,
it’s what I always do anyway. But I know death is what awaits me, he
will kill me for leaving with another man.
Marvin is a jealous man and he acts impulsively when it comes to
play.
I should have left the house alone, taken a walk or something. Not
what I did.
“Here, drink this.” Siyakhula places bottled water on my lap, I’m not
thirsty. “You need to keep hydrated.”
“You have no idea what I need.” I don’t know why I choose to snap at
him, maybe I blame him for everything.
I don’t know this man, but I am about to die because of him.
“Siza…”
“Stop calling me that.”
“I’m sorry for what happened back there.”
I frown.
I didn’t expect an apology but then again, he is also to blame for what
happened today.
Once this realization settles in, I feel angry with him for meddling in
my business.

He remains quiet for a while, but decides to speak once again.

“You look so much like her,” he says and I look at him. “You even
sound like her.”

42
He’s talking about that Siza person again, he drains me when he does
this. Why does he insist that I am someone he once knew?
“It happens.” I tell him, in hopes he would stop and leave me alone.
“No, not like this. Everything about you reminds me of her. How can
you look exactly like my Gundi?”
I can’t do this—not now.
“Can we not go there?” I snap at him.
This man is just like Marvin, he never takes no for an answer.
Siyakhula clears his throat and takes a deep sigh, what could be
exhausting him other than talking too much?

“Do you want to go to the hospital?” His question is so random.

“No.” I don’t have to think hard about this.
Going to the hospital will be another huge mistake, they will ask me
about the bruises on my face.
“Why do you let him do this to you?”
Is he judging me?
I’m struggling to keep eye contact, it’s not that he intimidates me.
Maybe I’m ashamed of myself.
“I’m not judging you or anything…” he articulates like he just read
my mind. “But Siza, you don’t have to live like that. I can help you.”
I don’t believe him.
No one can help me, I have been with Marvin for years and no one
has been able to free me from his claws.
“I want to get my son, please take me to his school.”
I have to get Joj before Marvin gets to him and gaslights him. He does
that a lot, turn my son against me and make him think I will hurt him.

43
“Okay, where?” Siyakhula asks.
“Kings School, it’s in…”
“Black, drive us there.” Siyakhula interjects before I could finish.
I sit back, worry slowly sinking into my head. I would have to go
back home, eventually. Marvin and I are married, he will never let us
separate.

We are almost at the school, as the driver takes a corner, my whole

world crumbles before me. Right there, parked in front of the school
gate is Marvin’s car and there he is, putting Joj in the back.
“No, no, no.” How did he get there so fast?
“What is it?” Siyakhula asks, following my line of sight.
“What’s he doing there?” He enquires just as Marvin dashes in and
drives.
“He’s got my son,” tears trickle down my face.
I’m such a loser, Marvin has told me this before and he continues to
proof his words right.

“Black hurry, we can still catch up with him.” He instructs his driver.
It’s too late, “There is no need. Marvin won’t let him go, he is the
father. He will open a kidnapping case if we forcefully take him.”
He will also prove me mentally unstable and have my son taken from
me. He is capable of anything, his money can buy him anything he
wants.

“I have to go back home, take me back please.”

“Not now Siza…”

44
This man is stubborn.
“Just take me home, what is wrong with you?” I spit, he is annoying
me.
“Do you think Marvin won’t hit you with your son around?”
He is right, but I don’t tell him that. I keep to myself, again losing my
sanity in dark thoughts.
I can feel Siyakhula’s eyes on me, the stare is making my heart thud
in my chest and my hands tremble. He is making me nervous.
I don’t know him. Why did I think leaving with him was a good idea?
I have always been alert and reserved when it comes to strangers.

“Are you okay?” Siyakhula asks, his big veined hand stopping mid-
way to my knee.
He draws back as I sternly glare at him, he looks so awkward—almost
like he works on batteries and they are about to die.
I cross my arms, recoiling further to the door.
“You don’t have to put up with him, you know?” Siyakhula starts.
“And you didn’t have to attack my husband like that.” I fire, his
brows crinkle into a deep frown before he makes a pained expression,
almost like he is trying so hard to hide the feeling.
“I saved you from that bastard, is this how you thank me?”
There we go. He wants me to kiss his feet for helping me.
“I didn’t ask for your help, you decided to butt in. Now thanks to you,
Marvin will never forgive what happened today.”

I saw the look in his eyes when I walked out with Siyakhula, only
God can save me from his wrath. I know he will avenge what
happened today.

45
Siyakhula scrutinises me under his gaze, “Sizalobuhle Gumede.”
Not again. I can’t do this. Not now.
“Your father is still alive, he misses you Gundi. We all miss you.”
“Stop.” I command firmly.
Too many emotions are riding on me right now, there is so much to
take in it’s choking me. I don’t want to take this route, the one where
he is leading me.
“But you need to know the truth, I have proof.” He plunges a hand
into the pocket of his suit jacket and brings out a phone.
I’m watching in anticipation as he swipes through the screen. What
am I expecting from him?
I am not who he says I am, I know who I am.
“Look.” He tilts the phone, showing me a picture of a woman.
Lord, she looks exactly like me. Only she is chubby, her face is small
though. It blends so well with her braids hanging down her cheeks.
“This is you.” He continues to make my head spin. “You were
pregnant here, with quads. Our babies.”
I scan the picture, the lady is pregnant. But that’s not me, it can’t be
me.
“I only have one son, where are the others if that’s me?” I challenge
him with this question.
“You have one son?” His question comes in a form of shock, his eyes
are wide and suddenly bloodshot.
“Yes. Marvin and I have one child.”
Siyakhula gasps, he presses a hand to his chest and for a while I watch
him struggle breathing.
He’s hyperventilating. What should I do?

46
The car stops, the driver steps out and runs to Siyakhula’s side of the
door. He pulls the door open and helps him out of the car.

“What’s wrong with him?” I ask, the driver doesn’t answer.

Siyakhula is sitting on the paving, fighting so hard to breathe.
Do I follow them?
“Breathe boss.” Says the driver.
Eventually, he succeeds. Siyakhula can breathe normally again, he is
looking at me through bloodshot eyes. I look away.
What just happened?
.
.

SIYAKHULA

She’s sleeping, I gave her one of the rooms to lay her head for a few
hours.
She still insists on going back to Marvin. I have a feeling he has a
hold on her, otherwise she wouldn’t be so desperate to be with a man
who abuses her.
That son of a bitch, wait till I get my hands on him.

What is really going on? All this is confusing for me. Siza has no
recollection of the quads. What could’ve happened to them?
If they died, where are their graves?
My heart can’t take all this pain, it’s too much for me to bear. When
she told me she has one son, I panicked.

47
I’m embarrassed that she had to see me like that.

The sound of my phone ringing catches my attention, I abandon my

pots to check the caller Id. Nadine….
Dammit, I forgot about Olive’s match. I will have to make it up to
him, answering Nadine’s call is not part of it. I let the phone ring until
it stops.
Olive is my son too, I will handle him.

As I put the phone back on the counter, the door in the living room is
pushed open and in walks Olive and Nadine. His steps halt as he sees
me, I have never seen him exhibiting so much pain in his eyes.
“Olive…” I try to explain.
“I would have understood had you told me you were not coming, you
didn’t have to lie to me.” He says and rushes to his room.
Nadine slaughters me with a deadly glare, normally she would curse
me to hell and back but she runs after Olive to console him.
I will talk to him later, my biggest worry right now is having Nadine
in the same house as Siza.
I don’t want Nadine to know Siza is alive.

I saunter back to the kitchen, thinking of ways to get rid of Nadine.

My thoughts are interrupted by sounds of footsteps treading down the
flight of stairs.
Mhlauli?
“Ola, bafo.” He says, as he walks into my kitchen.
I haven’t seen him in months and I didn’t realize I missed him until
now.

48
Are those my pants? I sleep in those.
“What are you doing in my house, wearing my sleepwear?”
He yawns, scratching his beard.
“I was tired when I got home, so I took a nap.” He explains.
“Why do you keep disappearing and appearing like a cat?” I ask, he
ignores my question.
He’s busy opening my pots, he didn’t even wash his hands.
“Did you make enough food? I’m hungry, bhuti.” He grabs a piece of
meat, it burns his hand but that doesn’t stop him from throwing the
piece into his mouth.
Nx!
“Voestek Mhlauli, do I look like your chef?”
I’m actually making this food for Siza, I’ve cooked breakfast for her
before. Maybe tasting my food will tease her memory.
“You know bhuti, I’m starting to think you don’t want me in your
house.” He’s smiling as he says this.
“I told you before that I don’t want you in my house, Mhlauli, but you
refuse to listen.”
He once brought a woman here and had sex with her on my couch.
His stubbornness will destroy me one day.

Mhlauli raises his hands, “I hear you, I hear you bhuti. Can I at least
have a plate? Your food smells nice, damn you know your way
around the kitchen. You look good in an apron too.”
That stupid grin on his face.
“I will throw you out of my house if you don’t shut that big mouth of
yours, you talk shit, you know that?”

49
Then he laughs.
“I’m complimenting you, no one will ever sing your praises like I
do.” He says.
He’s decided to dish up for himself.

“Listen, I need your help,” he cocks his brows waiting for the request.
“Nadine is upstairs with Olive. I need you to convince Olive to go out
for a movie, it will be easier for me to oust Nadine without him here.”
“A movie on a school night? The little shit will sleep in class
tomorrow.”
“Hey!” I don’t have to scold him further, he knows I don’t like him
calling my son names.
“Sorry, I meant little brat.” He is Mhlauli, and no one can coax him to
saying things he doesn’t want.
“So what’s the deal with Nadine?” He queries.
“Siza is sleeping in one of the guest bedrooms, if Nadine sees her….”
His eyes pop, and jaw drops.
“Wait, hlala kwabafileyo is alive?”

50
Chapter 7
SIYAKHULA
.
.
I thought Mlamuli told everyone about Siza, then again, my mother
would have asked me about it. She is the most worried about my
mental health. Like everyone, she thinks I have lost touch with reality.
This brother of mine is different, different in that he gets me.
Before I found Siza, he would entertain me when I would talk about
her and the quads, maybe that’s why he has not disputed the fact that
Siza is alive. Had it been anyone else, they would have tried to
convince me to stop talking about Siza.
“Where is she?” Amusedly, he asks.
“In one of the rooms.” Like I said.
Mhlauli laughs, “Shit, I have to see her. I have so many questions to
ask.”
Not this again, I have never met anyone that gets lost in their words
like this man.
“Like, did she see Jesus in the afterlife? Did she see her mother? Are
there really flowers that look alive and does God have white beard
and blue eyes? Is Jesus the one white people have shown us and…”
“Stop right there,” I interrupt him with a raise of the hand.
He shrugs, confusion exhibiting on his features.
“Come on bhuti , how will we ever know if we don’t ask?”
I never have strength for Mhlauli, he is like a child high on sugar.
“You are not going to ask Siza anything because you will not be here
when she wakes up.” I remind him, only for confusion to swamp him.
“Why won’t I be here? I also want to see Hlala kwabifileyo.”
51
Like I said, he is like a child.
“Please don’t call her that, and another thing, seeing everyone in this
house will cause more confusion. Take Olive out and Nadine will
automatically follow.”

“Follow who?” Dammit! I thought Nadine was with Olive in his

room, they are both in the kitchen.
“Is that my shirt?” She’s wearing my shirt.
“Yes, I spilled mine with water while washing my hands in the
bathroom. I hope you don’t mind.”
Of course I mind. I don’t like people touching my stuff.
“I mind, Nadine. You are wearing my clothes.”
She gives me an eye roll, and comes to stand in front of me. I am not
okay with this closeness.
“I thought the only thing that sets you ablaze is when people touch
you, not when we wear your clothes.” She runs her hand down my
shoulder, knowing very well I don’t like being touched.
I won’t give her an answer, it will be a waste of time.
“Siyakhula!” She barks, loudly clapping her hands on my face. “Why
are you ignoring me? I am talking to you.”
I don’t have the energy to deal with this, so I turn to Olive.

“Hey champ.” He shrugs and hides his face inside a glass of juice. I
move closer to him.
“Olive, I’m sorry. I had a business meeting I couldn’t get out of.”
Nadine scoffs, I’m talking to my son not her.
“I want to make it up to you.” Finally, he looks up at me. “Uncle
Mhlauli is going to take you out to a movie, right now.”
52
I’m hoping for a smile but his face drops. What do I have to do to
make him forgive me?

“Are you kidding me, Siyakhula? Why can’t you take him to the
movies? He’s your son, not your brother’s.” Nadine adds fuel to the
fire, she should not be saying such things in the boy’s presence.
“Hey, I’m his small father.” Mhlauli argues.
Nadine looks like she is ready to bite him, “Your brother impregnated
me, not you. So Olive is his child, not yours.”
She’s talking to the wrong person with such disrespect.
Mhlauli snorts and I know a befitting response is being birthed.
“I wouldn’t sleep with you even if you were a fish.”-Mhlauli.
Okay, maybe not befitting.
After a loud tongue click, Nadine turns to me.
“Are you going to let your brother disrespect me?”
I will continue to ignore her, “Mhlauli, please take Olive to the
cinema. I will pay for everything.”
These people need to leave before Siza wakes up. My brother shifts
from his seat, he wraps an arm around Olive’s shoulder.
“Let’s go, ma se kind.”
As he says this, my fear comes to pass. Siza walks into the kitchen,
her eyes run through everyone. My initial thought is to get her away
from Nadine, but how do I do that without scaring her.
“Hi,” I stand in front of her, shielding her from Nadine’s dazed
expression.
“Oh my god! Oh my God! She’s alive?” Nadine says, pacing up and
down the kitchen with her hands gripped on her hair.
It was stupid of me to delay their departure.
53
I whisper to Nadine, “If you say anything to her, I swear to God
Nadine…”
“What is she doing here? She’s supposed to be dead, Siyakhula. Why
is she here?”
“Not a single word.”
.
.
.

I can feel all eyes on me, I can’t look away either but Siyakhula keeps
blocking my path. That woman’s pacing is giving me a headache.
I don’t like how she is looking at me.
“Are you okay?” Siyakhula tilts his head to look into my eyes.
I move my eyes ahead to look at the people behind him, I feel him
squeezing my hand.
“It’s okay, you’re safe.”
He whispers in my ear, standing too close. I shift away from him.
“Mhlauli, please take everyone out of here.” Siyakhula says.
I don’t understand why they have to leave.
“You don’t have to leave on my account, it’s okay.”
I don’t know what made me say that because it is not okay.
I look at Siyakhula who has a disapproving look on his face.
“No, we were on our way out Hlala kwaba…” That must be Mhlauli,
the one Siyakhula instructed to take everyone out. “I mean Siza—we
are going to catch a movie.” He looks awkward.
He is probably my age or a little bit older, yet he speaks with so much
reverence.

54
I notice how; just like Siyakhula, he looks classy and rich, the kind of
man who hang out at country clubs, swipes for a living and drives
expensive cars.
There is something about Mhlauli, his eyes are dark. His aura is just
as dark, there is something about him… I can’t figure out what it is
but he seems almost cold-hearted.
Our eyes meet, probably because I am staring a lot, trying to read
him; and immediately a chill runs down my spine.
I rapidly turn my gaze back to Siyakhula.

“The shirtless guy is my brother, Mhlauli. You know him.”

No I don’t.
“Don’t mind his serious face, he’s actually a softie. You can tell with
the stupid things that come out of his mouth.”-Siyakhula.
Surprisingly I am able to slightly laugh.
Mhlauli waves, “Welcome back makoti wethu.”
Makoti?
“Mhlauli…” Siykahula chides.
Mhlauli shakes his head, his mouth welcoming a smile, not creepy but
not friendly either.
I am over Mhlauli, it’s the colored woman glaring at me that is
making me feel uneasy. She has long bare legs and is wearing an
oversized shirt. It’s easy to tell it belongs to a man.

She is making her way to me, a glass of juice in hand. The second she
nears us, she trips and everything spills on Siyakhula. He gasps, eyes
scanning his drenched clothes.

55
“Khula, baby, I’m sorry.” I look to the one who just spoke. The rude
looking lady.
“Don’t touch me.” Siyakhula snips, pulling away from her touch as if
it burns.
“Dad, she’s trying to help.”
Dad? She must be his wife then.
My chest feels like it is being stabbed by sharp edges of a knife and I
might bleed. I pull a chair and sit before my legs give me in. Why am
I feeling this kind of way?
“Go to your room Olive.” Siyakhula says firmly, like a parent
commanding a child.
Olive doesn’t hide his shock, “But uncle Mhlauli is taking me out to a
movie.”
“It’s a school night, go do your homework.” Siyakhula retorts and that
gets Olive worked up.
He storms out while mumbling words only known by him.

“Why are you treating my son like trash, Siyakhula?” His wife.
“You shouldn’t be here Nadine, you know you are not allowed here
anymore. I can take care of my son, I don’t need your help.”
“Are you sure about that? Don’t make me laugh, Siyakhula. You
missed his soccer match, you don’t know shit about parenting.”
The Mhlauli guy, he sits down, grabs an apple and watches the two
going at it with an amused look on his face.
Siyakhula looks at me, then at her hard and long. “Cut the bull and
leave my house.”
I guess they are not married, plus there is no ring on her finger.

56
What is going on here? I feel like I should not be a part of this. I need
to go home to my son, I know Joj, he can’t be without me.
God knows what lies Marvin has told him about me. I have to go back
home and this Siyakhula guy is the one that can take me.

A knock at the door stops their squabble.

“Guys pause, I don’t want to miss anything.” Mhlauli says, running to
the door.
It’s strange how he is goofy, yet serious.
My eyes trail him until he swings the door open.
“Who are you?” Mhlauli’s attitude has changed.
“I’m here for my wife.”
Marvin? How did he know where to find me? I jolt to my feet, my
goal is to get to the door but Siyakhula grips my hand.
“Don’t go—please.” There is desperation in his eyes as he murmurs.
Either way, I claim my hand back.
“I have to go, my son needs me.” I tell him.
He won’t let go of my hand, I glance over at the door to see if Marvin
has entered the house. Thank God he is still outside and can’t see
inside the house.
Siyakhula’s thumb brushes the back of my hand, “Let me take you
home then.”
I have messed up with Marvin, it will take forever to make it up to
him. I can’t worsen it by letting Siyakhula take me home when
Marvin is here.
“Siyakhula—don’t make this any more difficult, plea…” His hand
touches my cheek, a burning sensation that cuts me open, leaving me
vulnerable before him.

57
“You belong to me.” This he mutters.
My lungs fail to do their job, it’s getting harder for me to breathe. I
don’t understand the pain I’m feeling, I don’t understand why my
eyes are producing tears and why my hands are trembling.
“I will help you remember me, and our babies. Just—please stay.”
No, he shouldn’t be saying those things to me. I take a long breath,
but it hurts. It feels as if there is fire in my lungs.
He shifts closer, but I move back.
“Bhuti, there’s a man here looking for his wife.” Thank God for
Mhluali interrupting us.
“Please, Siza. We haven’t talked yet. Don’t go.” Siyakhula continues
to put me in a difficult position.
I can’t do that, I can’t stay here. Why does he refuse to understand
that?
“I will call you.” I lie and hurry to the door.
Marvin looks a bit calm, he smiles and curls his arms around me.
When he lets go, I realize that Siyakhula is behind me.
“Let’s go home, my love. Our son is waiting.” Marvin says, glaring at
Siyakhula.

58
Chapter 8
.
.

There is a logical explanation as to why I haven’t contacted Siyakhula

in three weeks. Marvin had my phone, I had no say when he took it
from me. It wasn’t the first time, he controls me, including my son.
Strangely, I think about Siyakhula a lot. Must be because he is soft
and gentle compared to Marvin. The man I married has no clue how
to treat his wife.
He is good with Joj, that’s something I will never lie about.
This morning, Marvin woke up in a good mood. He made breakfast,
gave me my phone back and promised to take me out after work. I am
not looking forward to it.

I ignore my ringing phone, I don’t want to speak to Karabo. I don’t

think I can forgive what she did. I can’t trust a person like that.
Time is not moving today, it could be that I have nothing to do. I can’t
hang out with my friends because it’s a week day and they all have
lives.
While I’m a stay at home mom, they go to school. I don’t even know
what I want in life, what I want outside Joj and Marvin.

However, right now what I need is another cup of coffee to keep me

awake. A glass of wine would be nice, but I’m trying to be good for
my son.

There’s a sudden knock at the back door, I leave my glass to attend to

it.
59
“Hiii.” It’s Chad, one of Marvin’s friends.
“Marvin is not around.” Marvin told him before never to come during
the day.
“I know, I was just on the phone with him.” He flashes a smart phone,
showing me his call log. “He’s on his way home, he told me to wait
here. Can I come in?”
He pushes himself in.
Chad knows his way to the lounge, and he knows how to pour himself
a drink. It’s what he is doing right now.
I go back to the kitchen to get my wine. I am going to have it in my
room, I’m not going to sit with Chad, we have nothing in common.

A hand smacks my butt before Chad’s voice harasses my ears, “There

you are.”
His front is pressed to my back.
Panic is my first reaction, here’s this guy I don’t know, touching me
inappropriately.
“What do you think you are doing?”
He narrows his eyes and gives me a sadistic smile, “I’ve been waiting
for the day when it would be just the two of us. No Marvin and no Joj,
just us.”
“Get out!”
He laughs, maybe he hasn’t picked up on my discomfort, or he just
doesn’t care.
“Why are you playing hard to get, Gugu? It can be our little secret.”
He moans as he reaches out to touch me, “Chad Stop!”
I scream, then think men don’t understand the word stop. Chad is not
stopping or he chooses not to listen to me. My next thought is to

60
defend myself, I grab a hold of the wine bottle and smash it on his
head. It breaks, the pieces shattering to the ground along with Chad.
He’s lying face down on the floor, blood oozing from his temple.
Is he dead? Did I just kill a man?
I don’t know this thing I’m feeling, what I know is that I have to get
out of here. I can hear my heart thumping in my chest, my bones are
shaking and my vision a little blurry.
I have to get out of here.
I run to the lounge, grab my phone and the car keys.
What am I going to do? I killed a man.
.
.
I’m at his doorstep, standing before him. This is where I found myself
after driving around town. I don’t know why I am here or what I
expect from him but I’m here. I haven’t looked into his eyes since he
opened the door.
He probably sees the state I am in and thinks hugging me will help
calm me down. I don’t fight him, he tightens the hug and I freeze. The
sweet nothings he whispers in my ear manage to stop me from
trembling.
“What happened to you? Your whole body is trembling.” He says.
I don’t say anything but hold on to him.
There’s a reason why I am still in his arms, why I am not fighting
him. But I can’t seem to think of it right now, my mind is empty. The
only thing I know right now is that Siyakhula is warm and this
warmth seems to soak up every bad feeling I have.
Suddenly, I grow numb, right in his arms.
“I am so angry at you, Siyakhula.” It’s the first thing that comes to
mind, the first feeling that attacks me. Maybe I am angry that he
61
hasn’t tried to contact me in three weeks, or maybe I’m angry because
I am married to Marvin and my life is a mess.
“I know you are, baby. I’ve got you now, I won’t ever hurt you.” He
sounds genuine, the first man that sounds legit and could possibly be
true to his word.
His hands start to stroke my back, it feels good I never want to leave.
“You are important to me, Siza, and I want you safe.”
But that’s the thing, I am not safe. I don’t feel safe.
I have been falling apart lately, I don’t know why I take it. Why I take
all the abuse from Marvin.
“I think I killed him.” I randomly say.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

Siza bursts into tears after a confession that’s left me confused. There
is no way she killed a man. If she did, could it be Marvin? I whisk her
in my arms, carrying her inside the house. She’s holding on to me as I
lay her down on the couch.
“Siza…” She shakes her head, covering her wet face with the palms
of her hand.
Siza being here means I have to put my life on hold and take care of
her first. She has always been my number one priority and when she
got pregnant , it became her and the quads.
Now my goal is to help Siza gain her memory back, and find the
quads. My babies have to be alive.
“What happened?” I ask, a tad relieved that she came to me for help.
The last time I saw her, she broke my heart. She left with that fool
Marvin.
62
“I had nowhere else to go.”
“You can always come to me, Siza. I’m here for you, no matter
what.”
She frowns at me, it’s because I keep calling her Siza.
“Marvin’s friend tried to take advantage of me. He came to see
Marvin and I told him he wasn’t home, but he wanted to wait for him.
I didn’t see a problem with it because he’d done it before.”
Why do I not like where this is going?
“While I was busy in the kitchen, I felt a hand on my butt.” She sits
up straight, her eyes though are not looking into mine. “He is
disgusting, Siyakhula. He wouldn’t stop undressing me with his
eyes.”
She breaks out crying.
Siza is in pain, I can hear it in her cries. What I want to know is what
she’s feeling inside. I don’t know the extent of pain in her heart, and
it’s breaking me.
“I can still feel his lustful eyes undressing me… I’m disgusted with
myself. I should never have let him in.”
She’s blaming herself and I can’t let that happen.
I grip her hand, and she jerks a little and blinks away the tears in her
eyes.
“Where is he?” I ask.
“At the house, I killed him. Marvin will know it was…”
“Give me your house keys.” I interject. I have to fix this mess.
Siza widens her eyes, “What are you going to do?”
“Do you trust me?”
She gives me a nod.
“Then let me handle this, you don’t have to worry about anything.”
63
As I stand, she holds on to my hand. I know this look in her eyes, I
have seen it before. She cares about me, it’s not fully out but there’s a
speckle and that means something.
“Be careful.” She tells me.
“Don’t worry about me, you stay here. I won’t be long, okay?”
I cover her with a soft blanket and rush out the house while dialing
Mhlauli’s number.

“Mlamuli is here and you’re on speaker.” Mhlauli warns.

“Idiot, take me off speaker now.”
He laughs, “Yes, there’s that option. Sorry bhuti.”
He goes quiet for a while then his voice fills the line, “What’s going
on?”
“You know I love you right?” I introduce, knowing he will catch on.
He knows what this means.
“Whose body are we burying?”-Mhlauli.
I hear movement in the background, one thing I love about my
brother; he will drop it all for me.
“There’s a son of a bitch that has pissed me off, I have been quiet for
too long. It’s time I forcefully take what belongs to me.”
“Amen! Send me the location while I grab my bible and shovel.” He
sounds excited, and he doesn’t own a bible. A man like Mhlauli does
not even know the insides of a church.

Black is waiting for me outside the car, I don’t want him involved in
anything dirty.

64
“I’ll drive myself, you stay here and keep an eye on the house.” I
instruct him and jump into the car before he protests.
Chapter 9
SIYAKHULA
.
.

My brother and I have searched the entire house, there is no one here.
No signs of any bloodshed or a struggle. We went as far as looking
for something that might tell us who Marvin really is. We found
nothing, not even a birth certificate.
How can that be? His personal documents are not within reach, he is
hiding something.
Somehow, I knew the information Black gave me was not enough.
Marvin Bora does not come across as a man with a clean past.

“What are you going to do?” Mhauli brings a question forward.

I’m driving us home, we left Marvin’s house as soon as we realized
we were wasting our time.
“About Siza?”
“Yes, it seems fate does not want you two together.”
Since when does he believe in fate?
“I don’t believe in fate, I believe in love. My heart is bursting with
love for Siza and only my heart will bring us together.”
I sound sappy, but it’s the truth. I am not letting her go this time.
“Then you need to think of a way to help her gain her memory.”
Mhlauli is right, I can’t keep going around in circles.

65
“I want to take her away for a few days, have her with me for a few
days. I know I will get to her, I need to make her remember my
feelings for her. Only then will her memory start to come back.”
The plan sounds good in my head, what I don’t know is how to make
it come to pass.
Unless… “Seeing Marvin wants to work hand-in-hand with Madoda
Connect, let’s organize a meeting in Cape Town. Have him stay away
for about a week.”
“Say no more,” Mhlauli takes his phone and starts making calls. He
gives me a thumbs up once it’s done.
“Mlamuli must not find out about this.” He says.
“He won’t.” Even if he does, he won’t do anything about it.

“And the kid? He looks so much like you, how is Siza blind to that?”
Joj is mine, it’s pretty obvious that he is a Donda.
When I found out he has the same surname as Marvin, I knew he
could be mine. His skin color is another proof. Joj is dark, not as dark
as me though, but he is my son.
I am going to get them both back. What I need is time.
“I will slowly win my family over, Joj will know me as his father, and
Siza will get her memory back.”
I can’t wait for that day, and to find out what really happened the day
Siza was rescued. How did she get to South Africa from
Mozambique? When did she give birth and did only one baby
survive?
Marvin knows the truth.

66
“Something is going on in Marvin’s house. Siza was sure she killed
Chad, where did he go? Do you think the whole Chad thing was a
setup?”
Mhlauli scratches his eyes, he does it a lot when he’s thinking.
“I think someone came home, found Chad’s dead body and buried
him in the garden.” That’s his theory. Now that he has said it, we
didn’t check the garden.
“Or—Chad was not badly injured. He got up after Siza left the house
and went back home.”
Both theories make sense. There’s another one.
“Or—Marvin knew about Chad’s visit and his move on Siza.” I add.
At this point, I wouldn’t put it past Marvin.
Mhlauli goes back to thinking. I’m left speechless as well, something
is going on and I am going to get to the bottom of it.

Siza is impatiently waiting for me, the first thing she does is throw me
with a million questions.
“He wasn’t there,” I answer the most important one.
She sighs in relief, I would do, she just found out she didn’t kill a
man.
Black walks in the lounge, there’s a problem. He never enters the
house unless it’s necessary.
I excuse myself from Siza, Black follows me to the kitchen.
“Mr. Bora has been digging into your past.”
I feel the hairs at the back of my neck stand. I expected Marvin to do
some digging after I challenged him. I have to say, I admire his
determination. There is nothing to find out, my past is clean. I’m the
one who should be doing some digging.

67
“Let him be, Black. I need him distracted.” This will give me more
time with Siza. “Siza and I will be away for a while, keep an eye on
everything.”
“Yes sir.”
“Don’t sleep on me, Black. Be my eyes and ears while I’m gone, keep
an eye on Nadine as well.”
Nadine is not happy about Siza’s return, the only reason she hasn’t
run to Mlamuli is because I threatened her. It seems that is the only
language she understands.
“Don’t worry sir, I’ve got this.”-Black.
“Good. Please drive with Mhlauli to Joj’s school, school is almost
out.” I forgot to ask Mhlauli to fetch Joj from school.
I visit Joj at his school every day, we have grown close over the past
three weeks. He has met Mhlauli before.
Black excuses himself, I take this time to call my PA Rose.

“Rose, I will be out of town for a few days.” Three days will be the
longest I have left her alone. “Don’t burn down my company, Rose.”
“I won’t sir.” Her voice is shaky, she missed the joke.
“How is my schedule?”
“Your father arranged a meeting with Flourish Enterprise, should I
cancel the meeting sir?”
“Cancel everything on my schedule.” Mlamuli is stubborn, I am not
going to do business with my rivalry.
“Noted sir.”
In the lounge, I find a worried looking Siza. Then again, this is how
she always looks. I introduce my plan of a vacation, not forgetting to
mention Marvin’s busy schedule. She’s reluctant at first but

68
eventually agrees. She is starting to trust me and that’s what I need to
get her back.
“Thank you for trusting me, baby mama.” I throw that last statement
in, it’s the first step to getting her to remember. Siza smiles brightly,
but her smile fades at the sound of her ringing phone.
.
.
.
Marvin is calling, I don’t know what to do. He will flip if I don’t take
his call, but if I do, he will know what I am up to. What do I do?
“Hey!” Siyakhula says, taking my hand into his. “You can do this.”
He spots the fear I am trying so hard to mask.
That’s the thing with Marvin, he’s instilled so much fear in me that
when he is mentioned, everything around me comes to a standstill.
I nod at Siyakhula’s reassurance. I have no idea why I feel safe with
him, like I can conquer anything with him around.
“Hello.” I school my voice and keep it neutral.
“Something has come up, I have to fly to Cape Town. I’m about to
board the plane, don’t forget to fetch Joj from school.”
“I won’t.” I want him to hang up already, the sound of his voice is a
trigger.
“Okay, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do while I am away. Remember,
you are a married woman.” How can I forget when he is always
reminding me.
I feel a soft touch on my back, it’s Siyakhula. He shakes his head as
our eyes meet and mouths, “Breathe.”
Then it hits me that I am holding my breath and my hands are
shaking.

69
“I love you.”-Marvin.
Funny how I never feel the love he claims he has for me and it’s
always hard for me to say it back, I never say it back.
“Did you hear what I said, Gugu?” His tone has changed.
I squeeze Siyakhula’s hand, fear pulsing within me and memories of
Marvin’s vicious nature threatening to unfold from where I keep them
locked up.
“Yeah, me too.” I lie.
How can I love someone I don’t know?

I feel like I can breathe again when he disconnects the call, I can’t
move though.
“Hey!”
Siyakhula’s voice startles me, he takes the phone from me and checks
if the call has been disconnected.
He places a hand on my cheek, his presence covering me. I’m craving
his touch.
“Siza.” He’s probably repeating this because I refuse to look at him.
I’m afraid he will see how weak I am.
He stands in front of me, I know he wants me to look at him. I am not
ready for him to see me like this.
I feel him getting closer, invading my space. His arms snake around
me, firmly holding me. My body begins to shake as the adrenalin
dissolves from my system.
“He’s gone, Siza.” He grips a hand around my head, caressing the
back of neck. It calms me down.
I don’t understand how a huge part of me needs this man, I need him
in a way that almost scares me.

70
“We should go,” he says, his breath tickling my neck. “Mhlauli will
stay with Joj.”
“Will Joj be okay with your brother?” I’m not sure about leaving my
son alone with a stranger.
“Mhlauli is good with kids, we can take him with us if you are not
okay with leaving him.”
I think it would be best we take him with us.
“Let him come with, I’d like that.” I tell him.

He gives me a soft touch of his lips on my cheek, I didn’t expect that.

It felt strange, along with being handled with care and taken care of.
.
.
Mhlauli has offered to come with and be our designated driver and
Joj’s sitter. They seem to get along, and I thought Joj was shy.
Siyakhula is sitting with Joj and me at the back, the determined look
in his eyes makes me relax a bit.
Part of me doesn’t want to come back home, it’s a huge part that
wants to be far away from Marvin.

I don’t know how long we have been on the road, but it’s clear we are
talking hours, not minutes. Mhlauli has played every Cocomelon song
there is, and sang along with Joj who is now fast asleep in Siyakhula’s
arms.
I look out the window and realize I have no clue where we are. We’re
on a small, gravel road, and there are no road signs to give me any
hints.
“What’s this place?” I hear myself asking.

71
“Emalahleni in Mpumalanga, my father has an old house somewhere
around here.” Mhlauli answers, I look to Siyakhula and he shows me
a soft smile.
“Is that where we are going?” I ask Siyakhula.
“Yes.” He says.
“Are we going to sleep there?”
“I don’t see why not, it is a weekend vacation.”-Siyakhula. “The
house has not been in use for years, I’m not sure if there is electricity.
There should be some firewood to keep us warm throughout the night.
There is no running water though, and the toilet is outside.”
Great. Not my ideal vacation.
The scarcity of an inside bathroom does not take away the excitement
stirring through the thick blanket of depression.
“Thank you for this.” I say.
He grins and without a hint of worry in his voice says, “There is only
one bed though.”
“Really?”
“Yes, but don’t worry, we will come up with something.” He retorts.
I am not worried, in fact, I feel safe with him than anyone I have ever
known.

We arrive and settle in, the house is small. It has one bedroom, a
bathroom, kitchen and sitting space. There are no neighbors in sight.
We are surrounded by trees.
“There is no food here, it’s a good thing we got Pizza on the way.”
Mhlauli reports, walking in with two boxes of cold pizza.
“Yey, pizza!” That’s Joj, dancing with excitement.
I don’t know about them, but cold pizza is not nice .

72
It is filling though and edible. After supper, it doesn’t take long for Joj
to fall asleep on the sofa. Mhlauli offers to take him to bed, I am left
alone with Siyakhula.
“Are you good?” Siyakhula asks.
“I think I am, thank you for this; once again.” I show my gratitude.
“If you want to enjoy this place, you have to keep your phone off.”
I can’t do that, Marvin will call to check up on me.
“You know I can’t do that.” I tell him. He shifts on his seat, moving
closer to me.
“When did you meet that man?”
I have no recollection of our first meeting.
“I don’t know, I woke up in the hospital one morning and he was
there. He said he’s my husband and showed me pictures. There was a
baby too, Joj. He was three months, Marvin said I fell into a comma
after giving birth and lost my memory. That’s why I couldn’t
remember him and being pregnant with Joj.”
There is a confused expression on his face, “There was one baby?”
“Yes.” I say.
Siyakhula has a troubled look on his face. I don’t know what to say to
him. He thinks I have three more kids out there.
“It was hard for me to accept Marvin and Joj, I didn’t know them and
that scared me, so I ran. I lived on the streets for close to a month.
Marvin found me, and brought me back home. He was still a stranger,
I don’t know why I stayed. Joj was so small, he needed me. I grew to
love him, as time went by, he started to feel like my son.”
“What about Marvin?” He questions. “Do you love him?”
“I have no recollection of who he is, till this date, I am married to a
stranger.”

73
Chapter 10
.
.
According to Marvin, we met a year before Joj was born. Three
months later, I got pregnant and we got married when I was eight
months pregnant.
Our wedding pictures were burnt in a house fire, I supposedly started
when I was drunk. My parents died when I was young and I grew up
in an orphanage. I have no recollection of any of that.
I have narrated my life story to Siyakhula, he appears more troubled
now. What stands out the most is the clenched jaw and gritted teeth
when he speaks.
“You have a family Siza, you are not who Marvin says you are.” The
words behind his clamped teeth are hard for me to believe.
Be as it may, how do I know what he is telling me is the truth.
Yes, he’s shown me pictures but that means nothing when my
memory is blank. My mind can’t backup anything, no matter how
many times he tells me that I am Sizalobuhle Gumede.
“I have a headache,” it usually gets bad to a point where I get a
nosebleed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”
“It’s okay, Siyakh…” He doesn’t wait for me to finish, as he swings
at me, gripping my waist and pulling me close to him that there is no
space between us.
My breathing has become shallow, it has to do with my chest pressed
up against his. He feels incredibly good and warm against me.
“Gundi…” He whispers the name I am not familiar with, the bridge of
his nose brushing against mine.

74
His parted lips brush on mine, the feeling drives me to my wits and
has me trembling.

Afraid I might fall from shaking, I grip his arms, holding on tightly to
him.
In this heated moment, Siyakhula whispers, “I want to kiss you so
bad, I can almost taste your lips.”
At this, my body visibly shivers. To think he wasn’t too close, he
presses my body further into his. At this point, I can feel his beating
heart.
“Can I Gundi? Can I kiss you?” His lips continue to brush against
mine.
With a ragged breath, I nod. Maybe I am crazy for wanting to know
how his lips would feel on mine.
Siyakhula doesn’t waste time, his lips meet mine in an intoxicating
kiss that weakens the limbs on my body.
His hands begin to wander my body, digging my skin as if it’s clay
dough.
I feel his tongue slowly glide inside my mouth, it drives me insane
that I loudly moan into his mouth.
He lifts me and positions me on the couch, on my back. He looks and
feels big in between my legs.
The feeling of his erection brushing against me is phenomenal, I can’t
even explain it. I want more—I need more.
“I miss everything about you, Gundi.” He pecks my lips. “I miss
making love to you.” He grinds his hips and my body shudders so
much that he looks into my eyes with a cocky smirk that has me
blushing.

75
“It’s always been you, Siza. You’ve always been the only one for
me.” He buries his face in my neck, biting and licking my skin while
grinding against me.

I throw my head back, my mouth releasing a loud moan. This feels

familiar, like we’ve done this before. That’s all there is, a feeling with
no memory.
“It feels good, you’re making me feel good.” I’m out of my head, and
saying things I feel.
I want him to know how good he is making me feel, I want to thank
him for his gentleness. He grips my pants, and slowly begins to pull
them down. My body is shuddering, my panties wet and my clit is…

Someone sneezes.

“Your brother?” I push Siyakhula off me and just as I do that, Mhlauli

walks past, he is heading to the kitchen.
“Don’t mind me, I’m going to get some water.” He says without
looking at us.
This is embarrassing. Siyakhula grumbles as he adjusts his pants. I
have never seen a man looking so annoyed, it’s funny.
I get off the couch, and open the door to smell the breeze with my
eyes closed. I feel so carefree and happy right now. I hope it never
ends.
“There are mosquitos out there.” Siyakhula says behind me, the worry
in the tone of his voice will get some getting used to.

“Can we go for a ride?” I face him, we both need it after that

interrupted heated moment.

76
“It’s late, I don’t think we should.”
“Okay, a walk then.”
“There is nothing but trees and the dark out there.”
“There are stars and the moon and…” Wait a second. “Are you afraid
of the dark Mr. Siyakhula?”
He snorts, turning his gaze from me, “I’m not afraid of the dark.”
“Yes he is.” Comes Mhlauli’s voice from the kitchen.
I don’t want to laugh at how embarrassed Siyakhula looks, but it’s
cute. He rubs the back of his neck as he faintly rolls his eyes at his
brother’s interference.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, he makes me feel like I can
claim him and touch him. It’s almost akin to breathing.
His eyes burst with adoration, no man has ever looked at me the way
he does.

“Thank you for bringing me here, how did you know I wanted to get
out?”
“To be honest, I didn’t. I brought you here so we could talk, so much
is happening back in Joburg. You were always lost in space and sad.”
“Well, no matter what reason, I think I love it here. Thank you
Siyakhula.” I can’t stop thanking him. No one has ever done
something like this for me.
He kisses my lips, “Stop thanking me. You should know by now that
I’d do anything for you.”
I think I know. I don’t know how far he can go though. Heck! At this
point, I don’t know if this will last.
“Let me check on Joj, I’ll be back.” He takes off.

77
I toddle to the kitchen, forgetting that Mhlauli is there. He gives me a
quick glance then takes his eyes back to the glass of water in his hand.
This man makes me nervous. I never know how to act around him,
it’s as if he is darkness and light in one.
It would be rude of me to walk out without saying anything to him, so
I stand, awkwardly, with nothing to say to him.
I wait for him to start.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed the way my brother looks at you.

Now, whether you like him back is none of my business. But I need
you to be careful with his feelings. He’s my brother and I love him, I
don’t want you to hurt him.”
“I would never hurt him, he is a good guy.” If it happens that I hurt
Siyakhula, I’m certain it won’t be intentional.
“Not only is he a good guy, he’s my brother. You see when you
disappeared, he became obsessed with finding you. He dedicated his
life to finding you, I saw him down and at his lowest. He was
crumbling and slowly losing his sanity before my eyes, and there was
nothing I could do to help him. Now if you think you can’t hold him
down, if you’re just passing by, don’t give him any hopes. I will be
the one to pick up the pieces when you are gone, and I’d rather avoid
that.”
“I won’t hurt him.” I think I’m trying to convince myself than him.
A scowl grows on his face, the tension is so thick I can cut it with a
knife.
“That’s not good enough for me sisi, I need your word. Only then will
I believe you.” He steps back in time as Siyakhula walks in.
“Are you two talking about me?” Siyakhula asks, his hand finding the
small of my back.
“Sister in-law offered to make us breakfast tomorrow.” Mhlauli lies.
78
“What happened to your hands that you can’t make your own food?”-
Siyakhula.
Mhlauli cackles.

“Is it safe for me to sleep on the couch? I don’t know what you two
were doing on the poor sofa.”
His playful eyes turn to me, I feel my cheeks flush and look away. I
hope he didn’t see us. I don’t know what came over me, why I gave in
to Siyakhula’s charms.
Is it wrong that I want him again? It feels like I will never get enough
of him.
“I’m going to bed, good night.” I excuse myself and close Mhlauli’s
silly talks.
My arm is grabbed and I stop short when I feel sparks surge through
me. My head turns to see Siyakhula looking down at me.
“Let me kiss you good night.” His palms are cradling my face before I
can protest, his lips crash into mine and in a second I am lost in
pleasure and feeling giddy. A clearing of a throat and chuckle causes
us to stop.
I try to move away from Siyakhula’s arms that are wrapped around
my waist.
He’s staring into my eyes, it’s too deep that I feel bare before him.
“I’ll see you just now.” He mumbles against my lips.
“JOj takes up a lot of space when sleeping, your big self won’t fit.” I
tell him.
He brushes my cheek with his thumb, his hands are a bit rough but the
feeling is comforting.
“We will make a plan.” He assures me, and somehow I know what he
is implying. “Good night Gundi.”

79
Another whisper.
How am I feeling butterflies in my stomach from these names he calls
me? His voice does something to me. I fight the chills that run down
my spine as he brushes his lips on mine.
My knees are weak and feet dizzy as I hurry out the kitchen. This is
insane, he makes me feel like a high school teenager.
.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

“You two had sex, didn’t you?”

Nothing Mhlauli says offends me anymore.
“I am not going to answer that.”
He throws his head back laughing, “Five years without sex. How did
it feel?”
“I won’t answer that either.” I move to the lounge.
We need to clean up in here, there is so much dust. Mhlauli is trailing
behind me, his footsteps and soft chuckles are loud in my ears.
“Okay, answer this rather. How much do you love Nadine?”
“What?”
He crushes on the couche beside me as he pulls out his phone and
shows me a picture of Nadine and Mlamuli together at a restaurant.
“What’s this, Mhlauli?”
He grins, “Say Malume first then I will tell you.”
This boy/man will never grow up.
80
“Why would you want me to call you malu…” He curls his arm
around my neck, choking me. I struggle against him while trying to
catch my breath.
“What are you doing?” My voice is strained.
We are wrestling on the couch, me stuck in his grip and him pulling
my face down to the couch.
“Say Malume…” This is how he plays, really?
“Okay, Malume.” I give in.
“Say I love you, malume.” What the fuck!
“I love you, malume.” I repeat, figuring I will pass out if I don’t do as
he says.
Finally, the idiot lets me go. He has a stupid grin on his face, I can’t
believe how childish he is.
“You are going to pay for that.” I snap at him, while rubbing my
strained neck.
Then he bloody laughs, “I love you too mshana.”
“Voetsek, just tell me what that picture is about.”
To think he was playful and stupid a while ago. He is scowling now,
his eyes have turned dark.
“A friend was at this restaurant when Nadine and Mlamuli walked in,
he recognized dad and of course he knows that Mlamuli is married to
MaMbatha and MaKhuzwayo. So he thought I would like to know
that our father was having lunch with a much younger woman. Hence
the picture.”
I doubt it was only lunch.
“What is Nadine doing with Mlamuli? She knows to contact me when
it’s something regarding Olive.”
Mhlauli sighs as he looks at the picture, I know what he’s feeling
because I feel it too. Confusion!
81
“They are not having an affair, Nadine loves herself too much to be
riding a 70 year old, fossil dick.” That’s his father’s privates he’s
talking about.
I don’t know what to do with my brother anymore.

82
Chapter 11
SIYAKHULA
.
.

Mhlauli was kind enough to fetch Siza and Joj’s clothes from their
house. We have been at the house in the woods for about a week. Joj
is having a lot of fun, he is a child and children love nature.
Somehow, I convinced Siza to let Joj stay with us. She was reluctant
at first, but she eventually agreed.
Mhlauli is still around. I haven’t asked why but something tells me
that he has his own reasons. It’s not because he wants to spend time
with us. He’s probably running away from something and needs a
breather like we do.
I like that he’s here. He gets to play with Joj and take him for walks.
Tracking back to Mlamuli and Nadine’s meetup, nothing has come up
yet. Black is looking into it, I trust him to bring me something solid,
or I can plainly ask my father what his business with Nadine is. The
problem with that, he might not tell me the truth.

I’m on the phone with Khuzimpi, he’s heard about Siza and is
demanding to see her.
“You will confuse her further.” I have been telling him this, yet he
refuses to listen.
“She’s my daughter before she is anything of yours, tell me where
you are Siyakhula.” I understand where he is coming from, but I am
afraid I can’t risk Siza’s mental health.

83
“I understand your concerns as her father, but I need you to trust me
on this. I promise I will bring her to you myself.” I respond and pray
he doesn’t push further.
I don’t want to be snapping at him whereas he has more right over his
daughter than I do.
“A week, that’s all I’m giving you.” He says.
I can do with a week, I don’t know about Siza though. She’s not
trying hard to remember her past. I end the call with a promise I am
not sure I will keep.

Dinner is on me today, I offered to cook. Everyone has gone out for a

walk, leaving me alone in the house.
I hear a knock at the door, they are back. Mhlauli budges in first, he
looks dog-tired. Joj giggles at how his uncle is dragging his feet.
“Uncle is tired.” He says.
“How was the walk?”
“Unnecessary,” Mhlauli replies, swinging his body to the lounge.
Joj throws himself in my arms, “Next time you will come with us,
right Khula?”
“I don’t see why not, buddy.” I embrace the sweet little boy in a tight
hug.
Siza is frozen at the door.
“Come in. Why are you standing at the door? I hope you like pasta.”
“Yay pasta.” Joj sings, his brown eyes twinkling with excitement.
Mhlauli shoots me a condemning glare, “What happened to cow head,
cow tongue. Why must we eat worms?”
Joj giggles, covering his mouth. “You’re funny uncle.”
Mhlauli grins at him, showing him all his teeth.
84
“Joj loves pasta, that’s all that matters.” I tell my brother.
He says nothing, but grabs his jacket and puts it on.
“Where are you going?”
“To find some real food, you guys enjoy.” He brushes Joj’s head on
his way out.

“Minus one plate,” I tell Siza who giggles in return.

“More for us,” she adds with an innocent laugh. It also makes me
believe the words she uttered the day we got here. She is at her
happiest.
“Let’s have supper, then.” I announce, placing two plates on the
dining table.
Joj is bouncing on the chair with every bite he takes, a smile on his
face.
“Do you like it buddy?” I ask.
The kid is a foodie, reminds me of myself when I was young.
Joj nods, stuffing more food into his mouth.
“Slow down, you’ll choke.”
“What do we say, Joj?” Siza says, expectantly.
The kid raises his eyes, cheeks stuffed and face smeared with gravy
and spaghetti.
“Thank you Khula.” He says.
I caress his head and get a greasy smile from him.
“Baby…” My heart jumps to my throat and chills run down my spine
as the endearment rolls out of Siza’s tongue.
For a second, I think she is talking to me until she channels her
attention to Joj.

85
“You don’t address adults by their names.” She tells him.
“It’s okay,” I interrupt. “I asked him to call me Khula.’
“What should I call him, mom?” Joj asks, still munching his favorite
dish.
He repeats the question when he doesn’t get an answer from his
mother, Siza looks up at me. I don’t think she has an answer for Joj.
“I know,” Joj excitedly starts. “Can I call him dad?”
“Joj…” A shocked Siza is on the verge of protesting.
Joj looks at her with desperate eyes, “Can I, mom?”
I would love for Joj to call me dad, especially considering that he is
my son.

“Baby, you already have a father.” Siza argues, bursting my bubbles

while at it.
“But you don’t let me call him dad. Please mom, please.” The kid
disputes.
That is news to me, she doesn’t let Joj call Marvin dad?
If she dismisses him after that plea, I would wash my hands with her.
I mean, who would resist such an adorable little thing?
Siza is having a hard time maintaining eye contact.
“Take your plate to the kitchen, it’s time for bed.” She’s dismissing
him.
Disappointment hovers over Joj’s face, “But mom…”
“Joj!” She gives him a warning look.
With his head dropped, a sulking Joj carries his unfinished food to the
kitchen.

86
It’s us two, the face she gives me plants many questions in my head.
She avoids my eyes when I keep my gaze on her.
“Joj and I will turn in early tonight.” She gets up with her plate.
“Did I do something wrong?”
She looks at me, then at the plate in her hand. There is something
mysterious in her eyes. This is the part where she bottles things
inside, and I have to dig in order for her to open up.
“You are doing everything right, Siyakhula. I’m afraid that I might
mess up and ruin your life again.”
“What do you mean again?”
Her eyes clash with mine, “What if I am not who you think I am?
Your brother told me what you went through when Siza died, I
wouldn’t want you to go through that again.”
Mhlauli and his big mouth should have let me handle this.
“But you are here, Siza and I won’t ever let you leave my side.”
A silent moment passes between us, I want her to say something—
promise that she will never leave again.
She doesn’t deliver, rather toddles to the kitchen with our plates.
.
.
.
I haven’t been able to get any sleep, the conversation I had with
Siyakhula won’t let me. The faith he has in us is putting so much
pressure on me.
Joj is soundly sleeping beside me, I kiss him on the cheek and go
check on Siyakhula.

87
I suggested he sleeps on the couch until we know what we really
want. Kissing and cuddling with him causes more confusion, I would
rather avoid that.
There is no one on the couch, Mhlauli is not here as well. He had
called saying he won’t be coming home tonight. What about
Siyakhula? He was here when we went to bed, where could he
possibly have gone?
I notice that the door is slightly open and the light on the terrace is on.
One thing I have learned since we got here is that Siyakhula is afraid
of the dark and mosquitos. What is he doing outside?
I wrap a soft blanket around me and exit the house to check on him.
It’s freezing cold out here, it’s not as dark as I thought it would be,
thanks to the full moon.

I look around, wondering where Siyakhula could be. Just as I’m about
to give up and go back into the house, I hear muttering and stuttering.
The voices are coming from the side of the house, I trudge there,
keeping my steps light.
The first person my eyes land on is Siyakhula, he’s talking to a
woman.
I remember her, it’s the mother of his son.
Why is she here? I thought he said the trip is for us. They are standing
too close, jealousy rains down on me.
I begin to move toward him with the intent to find out why she is
here, my feet falter and stop as she cradles his cheeks and presses her
lips on his.

88
Chapter 12
SIYAKHULA
.
.
.
There is only one woman that likes to test my patience, and that’s
Olive’s mother. It can’t be wrong of me to wish that Nadine was none
existent.
As to why she followed me to Mpumalanga, beats me. When I
demanded to know how she found me, she blind-sighted me with a
kiss. A kiss that stirred so much anger in me.
I sent her packing, after letting her know that I will not accommodate
her in the house. She left after promising to destroy me.
God knows what that was about.
Mlamuli has been avoiding my calls since that day, it’s been days. All
I need to know is why he was seen with Nadine and how she knew
where to find us.
I am about done with Nadine and her theatrics. I can’t let her destroy
what I am building with Siza. It’s taken me five years to find the love
of my life and I am not about to let anyone get in my way of having
her back.

This is one of the reasons I haven’t told Siza about Nadine’s visit,
plus the kiss. There are days when I think she knows. It’s in the way
she looks at me. Either way, I don’t want her to know.
Siza has been distant lately, she doesn’t say much. The worst case
scenario is that she could be having second thoughts about us. I wish
she’d let me into her mind.

89
Right now she’s sitting outside, basking in the cold. The sun has set,
there’s a breeze outside yet she prefers to be out there.
I need to find out what’s on her mind.
“Hey! What are you doing out here?”
“I just wanted to be alone.” Only when she says this do I realize that
her smile is not bright. Her face is contorted in sadness.
I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking or exaggerating.
I sit beside her, “Do you want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
She breathes, eyes tightly shut as if she’s thinking hard about the
answer.
“Today is my wedding anniversary, I haven’t received a call from
Marvin.”
I feel my neck pulsing with anger, “Are you serious?”
Her words shouldn’t hurt like this.
She turns her eyes to me, I can’t interpret why she would tell me this.
There are no facial clues to guide me, she has left me helpless.
“You’re here with me, Siza. Why bring Marvin up? I thought you said
you don’t feel anything for him.”
Her cold gaze conveys a lot more than words ever could, “Marvin is
my husband.”
I shoot up, “Then where is he? Where is this Marvin of yours?”
She stands, I’m so angry that I can’t read her expression. I can’t deal
with Siza’s mood swings, they change like the weather.
“Fuck Marvin and fuck you.” My outburst brings an expression of
shock to her face.
She studies me, I have no idea what she is looking for. She speeds
past me, heading for the gate.
Great! Now I have to follow her.
90
.
.
.

It’s a little after 12 A.M. and I managed to find myself at a bar. I left
without telling him where I was going. I would’ve told him had he not
been exchanging saliva with his baby mama and talking to me as if I
am his bitch.
I wanted to hurt Siyakhula when I told him about the supposed
anniversary. There is no anniversary, I lied. I’m so upset with him for
lying to me for days.
My intoxication is rapidly increasing, on top of that, I am tired and
surly. I press my elbow against the bar counter with my head in my
hand.
I have consumed too much alcohol. It’s all Siyakhula’s fault.
To think I loved this off grid location, it’s been a week and I am
frustrated I want to burn this bar down. Since I can’t do that, I have
resorted to drinking myself silly.
Siyakhula has reached a level of insensitivity. I have been waiting for
him to tell me why he kissed Nadine, and what she was doing at our
location. The man has not given me a single hint, or undertones of
Nadine’s visit.
He thinks I don’t know that Nadine was at the house.
We went for a walk yesterday, the conversation was good. I love
spending time with him, until he doesn’t mention why Nadine came.
I’m trying to be a good person, so I always listen when he speaks and
try with all my might not to ask about that woman.
Why am I still thinking about her? Rha!

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My phone rings, the same phone I was told to keep turned off.
Strangely, my husband has not tried to reach me.
The person behind the text I just received is Mandisa. I called her
here because I need to vent.
I browse the busy bar, landing my eyes on a young lady wearing a
dress too tight, it almost looks like second skin.
“Best friend.” She squeaks and waves as she trudges toward me, her
bubbly attitude puts me a in a good.
Kamo and Tebello are behind her, they all look amazing. I met this
trio about two years ago at a party Marvin was hosting. They are the
life of the party, you can never be bored with them.
“What are you wearing?” Kamo is blunt like that, he thinks he has the
ticket to speak to people any way he wants.
“Don’t be a bitch Kamo, there is nothing wrong with Gugu’s outfit.”
Mandisa protests, her eyes contradicting her statement.
“I wasn’t planning on leaving the house today, it was a spare of the
moment decision.” I’m explaining why I’m wearing a granny dress.
It’s all Siyakhula’s fault, he is slowly making me change my
wardrobe.
Mandisa pulls me into a hug and whispers, “Turn around.”
Her tone is coated with amusement. I whip my head around only to
see Marvin, and my heart sinks. I divert my eyes to Mandisa. Why did
she bring him here?
“Hi sweetheart.” He hugs me, I am too shocked to hold him back.
“Would you like to see something?”
He whispers in my ear, and pulls out of the hug. He holds out a
phone, there’s a picture of three little boys dressed in the same
clothing.
It must be shock or my mind is buffering because it takes a while to
see that these are Joj’s doppelgangers.
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“What is this?” My eyes are slowly bulging.
“Joj’s womb tenants,” he giggles like a sick bastard. “I know you
know about them, your boyfriend told you.”
“Marvin, you have my children? Why would you hide them from me?
I can’t believe you’ve been lying to me…”
He scoffs, “Your whole life has been a lie and you didn’t even know
it. I was kind to you baby, I was never going to tell you the truth,
because we were happy. But you ruined everything by sleeping with
that motherfucker.”
He grabs my arm in anger, digging his fingers in my flesh. My so
called friends are at the bar, ordering shots. I feel betrayed by
Mandisa, I didn’t think she’d ever do this to me.
“You sick bastard…”
Siyakhula was right about everything, I have to tell him. I start to
head to the exit, Marvin blocks my path.
“Not so fast, I’m the only one who knows where they are. By the time
you tell your precious Siyakhula, they will be dead.” He looks around,
checking if there is anyone within earshot.
“Marvin, they are just kids.”
He rolls his eyes, “You are not going to ruin my plan Siza. I won’t let
it happen, not after I have come this far.”
“You called me Siza?” I can hear the shock in my voice.
Marvin raises a brow, only to smirk thereafter.
“Your lover boy is here, you are going to tell him it’s over and come
home with me. Don’t worry about Joj, he’s on his way home as we
speak.”
I look around, my gaze lands on Siyakhula across the floor. He’s
talking to the barman, yet his eyes are on me. There’s a scowl on his
face.

93
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
Marvin scoffs, “All in due time sweetheart.”
He grabs my cheeks and kisses me. Not a second later, Marvin is
pulled away from me and is hit by a fist. Siyakhula’s fist to be exact.
.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

After that mini argument we had, I had no problem with Siza leaving.
I thought she needed a break from me and that it would be good for
her to get some air.
Her isolation was taking a toll on her, however, I had to keep my eye
on her. I followed her, kept my distance
I had to control my irritation when I saw her skanky friends enter the
bar, it’s the same girls she was with the day I bumped into her at the
hotel.
To be honest, I didn’t see Marvin until he was inside and the next
thing, he was sucking Siza’s lips. All I saw was red.
I charged at him, my fist colliding with his jaw.
My blood boils when I see this man, or hear his name.
When all is said and done, I want to kill him. Siza is looking at me
like I’m a monster, she knows how possessive of her I am and she
goes and does this shit.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Marvin hisses, I charge at him
again but Siza loops her arms around me.
“Let me go, Siza.” I can’t think, I’m consumed by so much anger.
“Stop it, Siyakhula.” She pulls me back.
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Based on the tense air around her, I have a feeling she is not happy
with me.
“Siza, he kissed you and you let him.” The statement unravels
everything all at once, and she doesn’t have the courtesy to look me in
the eye.
“So? He’s my husband.”
“What?” After what we shared, this is what she says to me? I back
one step, knowing well that I might snap and hurt her.
“It’s over, I’m going back home.”
She still won’t look at me.
“Did he threaten you? I can protect you.” I’m trying to keep myself
firm on the ground, but I am boiling.
Siza eventually looks at me, “I am not your Siza. You’ve got the
wrong woman.”
That’s where she’s wrong.
“Did he tell you that? He’s lying to you Siza, tell me you don’t
believe him.”
“I am done, we are done Siyakhula.” Her voice and eyes are cold.
How did she change over night?
“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask, grabbing her hand. She yanks
it back.
“Stop harassing me in front of my husband, you are disrespecting
him.”
What the fuck?
Her anger is liberating somehow, it means I can shout it all out.
Release all the pent up emotions and get rid of it all. Only, Siza is not
the right person to receive it.
She’s the woman I love.

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I let out a sigh and extend a hand to touch hers, she rejects me again
and takes Marvin’s hand instead. Marvin winks at me, then starts
leading Siza out the door.
I grip the counter behind, not sure how we got here. We were happy
not long ago, our future was slowly looking bright.

“Siza.” I shout after her.

I can’t let her leave, she can’t leave me. I find them in the parking lot,
Marvin is opening the door for her.
I shut the door and wrap my arms around Siza, “I will protect you
from him. Don’t go with him, please.”
Her body stiffens, something tells me her heart is the same.
“Let go.” She demands after a long moment of silence.
“I love you, I know you love me too. We will fight him together. Just
—don’t go with him, please.”
She escapes my arms and jumps into the car, not once did she shed a
tear for us. That can’t be Siza.
I don’t wait for them to drive, I dash into my car. I have to get to Joj
before Siza takes him away from me. If she won’t be with me, Joj
will. I will do a DNA test and fight for sole custody.

This is odd, why is the gate open? I leave the car outside the gate, and
scurry. The door is also open. It’s late, my brother is usually asleep at
this time, if he’s not out drinking.
The sitting room is connected to the corridor, so it’s the first room I
enter.
For a while, I can’t believe my eyes. Nadine is slouched on the couch,
her throat has been slit open.

96
When did she get here? I told her not to come back here after the stunt
she pulled.
How am I going to explain this to Olive? As I move closer to check
her pulse, I catch a figure from the corner of my eye. With one swift
whip of the head, I see my brother lying on the floor in a puddle of
blood.

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Chapter 13
SIYAKHULA
.
.

“Mhlauli, get up man. Get up.” I press a hand on the gunshot wound
to stop the blood from oozing out of his abdomen, his body is still
warm, he has a weak pulse.
“Hang on, the ambulance will be here soon.” As I take my phone to
call an ambulance, the sound of a throat clearing behind me makes me
jump. My eyes shoot up to see Black standing in the kitchen doorway.
“Black call the police, quick.” I swallow a lump that is forcing tears
down my eyes, it’s hard seeing my brother like this.
Black has not moved at all, his gaze flickers to Nadine on the couch.
A sadistic expression spots his face, what is he smirking about?
“Black?” I want to yell at him. He’s never been this slow when given
instructions.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Siyakhula.” He shrugs.
I can’t decipher the arrogance in his stance, and he never calls me by
name. I dial the ambulance but the sound of a cocking gun stops my
fingers from pressing the call button.
I snap my eyes up, he has a gun pointed at me.
“Black? What are you doing?”
“My job.” He deadpans.
“That is not your job Black. I pay you to drive me, not aim a fucking
weapon at me.”
Black snickers, his eyes turning cold and indifferent.
“I don’t work for you, Siyakhula. I work for Marvin.”

98
“What? You’ve got to be kidding me, are you fucking kidding me?” I
growl at him.
“Does it look like I’m kidding?” He positions a finger on the trigger.
I keep my eyes on the gun, at this point, I can’t trust him not to pull
the trigger.
“Hey, up here.” Black mutters, waving the gun toward his hardened
face.
No! This is hard to believe, I would have known. I would have seen
the signs. Damn! Is Black that good? The thought of Marvin being a
step ahead of me is angering. I’m going to kill that bastard.
“You killed Nadine and my brother.”
The motherfucker smirks.
“Why Black? I trusted you.”
“I was doing my job.” He says with no remorse in his voice.
I waste no time grabbing him by the front of his top and pinning him
on the wall.
A second later, I’m stumbling backwards after Black pulls the trigger.
The bullet piercing through my stomach. My knees give in, sending
me to the ground.
“Black...” I stretch my hand, inaudibly asking for help. His eyes
widen and mouth opens, as if he can’t find the words. He snaps his
mouth shut before turning on his heel and walking out the house.
.
.
.
“Argh!” I whine, jerking my hand from Marvin’s grip. He opens the
door and shoves me inside, I trip and almost fall.
“Where is my son?” I shout, running up the staircase to Joj’s room.

99
“Joj!” I flip the door open. He is not here.
“Joj where are you?” Panic washes over me, I can’t control it. Where
is my son? I check every room and find nothing.
My shaky feet lead me downstairs where Marvin is seated on the
couch, the man has his legs crossed and is casually sipping on
Whiskey.
I kneel in front of him because what else can I do? He has my sons.
“Marvin…” I weep, gripping his knees for anchor. “Where is Joj?
You said my son is here.”
His eyes instantly light up, “This is what I wanted Siza. You to go
down on your knees and grovel.”
He takes a sip of Whiskey, letting me sink in the confusion he just
created.
I take the car keys from the coffee table and turn to leave.
“Oh hell no.” He grasps my arm, forcing me to spin back around. My
gaze is instantly drawn to the grip he has on my arm.
“You are not leaving Siza.” Marvin fumes.
“Let go of me!” I snarl, trying to break out of his grasp. He tightens
his grip, refusing me to go.
My eyes widen at the realization that no matter how hard I fight to
free myself, Marvin remains stronger.
I know he’s cold hearted, but this look on his face is scaring me. I
have never seen it before.
“You bitch, you think I didn’t know what was happening behind my
back? You running to Siyakhula when I’m not around, you think I’m
stupid, don’t you?”
Glaring at him, I stop struggling with a tongue click.
“That’s my girl.”

100
I roll my eyes in an attempt to cover up the anger that is surging
through my veins.
“Now kneel, I liked you better down there.” He winks, pushing my
shoulder down until I’m on my knees.
“You know what your problem is, Siza?” He snarls, walking around
me with that stupid glass in his hand.
“You think because Siyakhula loves you, you are on top of the
world.” He stops and keeps his blazing eyes on me.
“What are you talking about Marvin?”
“Chad called me and told me what you did to him, I was on my way
to Cape Town as per your lover’s plan. That stupid fool thought he
could outsmart me.”
That’s not possible, how did he find out about Siyakhula sending him
away?
“Fortunately, Chad survived. I sent people to the house to clean up
and make it look like nothing happened. So while you were at the
cabin, exchanging saliva with Siyakhula, I was here, planning my
next move.”
Fear grips my chest as my blood runs cold.
“You were watching us?”
He laughs, his eyes glowing menacingly.
“Every single move baby.” He confesses.
“W- why?” I stammer, averting my eyes from the unbearable look of
evil on his face.
Marvin settles down on the coffee table, he crosses a leg over the
other.
“I don’t want to lie to you, there are a lot of things you need to think
about. Like how you got here.” He chuckles amusedly. “I mean any
smart person would’ve tried to remember their past, find out who they

101
were before the amnesia. Only ten percent are stupid enough not to do
it and you my dear are part of that ten percent.”
“You said you were my husband and…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what I said and I lied.” He crouches in
front of me, and grabs my cheeks, digging his fingers in my flesh.
“And you took everything I said and moved on with your life.”
As if he gave me an option, Marvin manipulated me into believing
that he is who he said he was.
“Let me spell it out for you. We are not married and that little shit is
not my son.” He hisses.
My shoulders feel heavy, which in turn makes me feel exhausted.
What in God’s name is going on?
“Who are you?” I ask, my lips quavering.
I don’t want to cry in front of him but it’s coming.
Marvin straightens his back, he goes to pour himself another drink.
“Does Phangizitha ring a bell?” I don’t know any Phangizitha.
Marvin rolls his eyes and releases a sigh, “This would have been
much more fun with your memory intact.” He paces around the room.
I honestly don’t know why he is taking his time in telling me
whatever the hell is on his mind.
“Stay on your knees baby, I want to show you something.” He
saunters out the room. I can only imagine where he is going.
I wait, on my knees like he said. My hands are clammy, my entire
body is shuddering. How did I miss this all this time? Moments later,
he walks in with his laptop.
He opens it and a face of a man appears on the screen.

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Chapter 14
SIZA
.
.
The man on the screen blinks as Marvin presses play, he’s sitting
inside a car. He grins a grin that sends shivers down my spine. I look
up at Marvin with questions flying in my head, his wink has me
shivering as well.
My eyes snap back to the screen as the man calls my name.
“My Siza, if you are watching this, it means my plan of killing us
both didn’t work and I died alone.” He cusses under his breath.
I look up at Marvin, confused as hell. Who is this man? He knows my
name and he’s talking about dying together.
“What is this?”
“That’s Phangizitha.” He snaps, pointing his finger at the screen.
“We belong together Siza, even in death we were supposed to spend
eternity together. Siyakhula had to ruin everything for me. You were
mine first, I fell in love with you first. I was going to marry you, but
you ruined us by sleeping with my brother while we were still
together.”
That’s Siyakhula’s brother? I look to Marvin to see him smirking.
“I’m sure Marvin is taking good care of you. He’s my best friend, and
I trust him with my life. I trust him to carry my revenge through and
make you suffer for everything you did to me.”
His words leave me feeling hopeless. Phangizitha was a psychopath.
It’s hard for me to believe I once loved him.
“I hate him, I hate Siyakhula with every thing in me and I will never
forgive him for taking you from me. I will never forgive you Siza for

103
loving my brother and not me. As punishment, you will never see
your children.”
No! They can’t do this to me, I won’t survive without my kids.
This Phangizitha guy smiles, “Since you survived, I won’t let you be
in peace. You and Siyakhula will never find your way to each other
and that’s a promise. You are mine Siza, in life and in death. You will
always be mine. Until we meet again in the next life my love, in the
meantime, I will be keeping your spot warm.” He blows a kiss, the
screen freezes after. It’s the end of the video.
That sinking feeling in my stomach makes me drowsy. So this is my
truth? This is who I am. A woman who ruined the lives of two
brothers.
What have I done? I need to see Siyakhula, I need to tell him how
sorry I am.
I jolt to my feet, almost meeting Marvin’s giant build.
“Let me meet Siyakhula—please—I… I…” Tears spill down my face,
I can’t stop my body from shaking.
“We are not done sweetheart.” He says, selecting another video on the
laptop.

“Harder Khula, harder.” Is the first thing I hear, then I see us. Myself
and Siyakhula in bed together, having sex.
This can’t be recent, I haven’t given myself to him.
“Does this ring a bell?” Marvin’s eyebrows rise, as he waits
inquisitively for an answer. “No?”
I shake my head to answer him.
“This is where it all started, how Sizalobuhle the bitch cheated on my
best friend.”
He stops the video, turning his back to me.

104
“Phangi and I were friends since primary school. I happened to move
to Europe in grade 9, but we kept in touch. He visited a lot, our
friendship never died. We were more like brothers. I would have done
anything for my brother.”
I don’t care about that, I need to meet Siyakhula.

“I was in London when I got a call from Phangizitha. He told me what

he was going to do, the suicide and why he had gone to such an
extent. He was about to board a plane to Mozambique when we
spoke. I didn’t understand why he would want to kill himself and the
woman he loved.” He pauses and sniffs.
I think he’s crying, I can’t see his face.
“It drove him crazy that another man was touching you, but more than
that, you loved another man other than him—his brother.” He
eventually looks at me, his red rimmed eyes piercing through my soul.
Hatred lies in the depths of his soul, I see it through his eyes.
“That woke his demons, my friend unraveled. He chose death and he
wanted to take you with him. I don’t know how he thought there was
a possibility you might survive. That’s where I come in.” -Marvin.
This feels surreal, Marvin is talking to me yet I feel like I am
watching a movie.
There is no way all of that happened to me, it can’t be true.
This sick bastard goes to pour himself a drink, I’m praying he doesn’t
get drunk. I don’t like the drunk Marvin.
He turns back to me, swirling the glass of liquor in his hand and takes
a sip.
“Where was I?” He taps his temple with the glass. “Ah yes! My friend
was a genius, hats off to him. He came up with a plan that if you were
ever rescued or resurfaced from the deep blue sea, I should be there
and claim you as my wife. Unfortunately, you survived.”
105
“Survived what?” I snap.
Marvin hasn’t told me what went down the day I supposedly died.
“Ah sorry, I tend to forget that your stupid brain is slow in
remembering the past.” He cackles loudly. “Phangizitha drove the car
the into the sea with you and him in it. Everyone thought there were
no survivors. You were found by some villagers not far from where
the car plummeted. Phangi had people there, everywhere actually. I
was the first to know that you survived. I was the one by your bed
when you woke up.”
These people are sick, “What about my kids?”
“They all survived, which is very unfortunate. Phangizitha’s plan was
that if they all survive, I should give them up for adoption. The main
point here was for Siyakhula to lose his mind searching for his family
and it worked.” He cracks up in mocking laughter.
“I decided we keep Joj, to make you believe that we were a family.
Truth be told, I wanted to kill those little demons.”
I am not shaken by his words, he is an evil man.
“I will never see my kids again, am I?” I can feel it, Marvin will never
let me win.
He nods, a smug look cloaking his face.
“You are smart.” He says, patting my head.
“I am not going to stop until Phangizitha’s revenge is complete.”
“You can’t win, Marvin. Siyakhula will eventually find out, he will
kill you when he finds out.”
I’m not convinced by my own declaration, I’m stuck in a heap of
what ifs. What if Marvin succeeds? What if I never see my kids
again? What if Siyakhula will never forgive me for walking away
with Marvin?

106
Marvin is capable of anything, if he has managed to keep me with
him for five years. Heaven knows what else he is capable of.
“Siyakhula will never find out anything, remember my sweet Siza…
your children’s lives are in my hands. One word and I drown them
like they were supposed to five years ago.” He speaks with a cold
tone that’s suppressing anger.
Tears find my face, I’m shaking and on my knees ready to plead.
“Please let us go. Don’t you think Phangizitha has had his revenge?”
I hate that headshake, it’s not giving me hope.
“He doesn’t want you together, that’s why I am in the picture. I am
here to grant my best friend’s wish.” Marvin stares daggers at me,
smirking to show me he enjoys torturing me.
“We can’t live like this Marvin. When will it stop?”
He leans over, a sly grin on his face and whispers, “This game will
only stop when you or Siyakhula die.”
My heart is beating in my chest like crazy, my muscles have locked
my body in.
I’m living a nightmare.
I sit on my butt, my mouth hanging open. This must be shock I’m
trapped in, but why does it feel like I’m dying a slow death?
I grip my chest, letting tears have their way with my eyes.
“I have a meeting to get to, don’t try anything stupid.” And with that,
he turns to leave.

“No!” I rush after him and forcefully grip his arm. “You are not
leaving, we are not done talking Marvin.”
“Are you serious?” He snaps, shrugging my hand off. The force has
me stumbling back.

107
“I said I want to see Siyakhula.” I shout.
He is getting on my last nerve. How can someone be so cold-hearted?
“Don’t you ever grab me like that again and if you yell at me
again…”
“Oh shut up!” I go against his word and yell. “You have destroyed
me, Marvin. What’s the worst you can do?”
My courage is borrowed, I might have to give it back once he’s killed
me.
“Watch your tone, Siza. I am not Siyakhula, I will…”
“Damn right you are not Siyakhula. He is more of a man that you will
ever be.” I’m challenging him, a bad idea if you ask me.
The back of his hand collides with my cheek, I fall on the couch
whimpering in pain.
This is nothing, he’s done worse before.
Without raising my head, I voice out my needs.
“I demand to see Siyakhula.” I drink my tears, letting my voice sound
normal meanwhile I’m screaming inside.
“You will never see that man again.” Marvin says.
The thought of never seeing Siyakhula again scares me to death.
“You are a coward Marvin.” He charges at me, but seems to change
his mind. He stops, shakes his head and dashes out the house.

I’m trying to dust myself up, it feels like the most difficult thing I
have ever done. How do I process all that information? A past I can’t
remember—and that guy, Phangizitha. Neither his face or voice ring a
bell.
My ringing phone snaps me out of the bundle of worries I’m trapped
in. It’s an unsaved number, it could be Siyakhula.

108
I need to hear his voice, even if I don’t say anything. His voice will
calm me down, I know it will.

I wipe my tears as I pull myself together, and answer the call,

“Hello.”
“My child?” A female voice greets.
“Who is this?”
“I got your number from Siyakhula’s phone, you’re really alive?” Her
voice cracks. “My ears couldn’t believe it, but now that I have heard
your voice…”
I don’t know who this is. I can’t familiarize with her voice.
“I’m sorry mah, may I ask who I’m speaking to?”
“Siyakhula is my son…” That crack again, she sniffs and I hear her
draw in a long breath.
“He was shot… I thought you might want to know.”
Something chokes the breath from my lungs, sending me staggering
back. I grab a hold of the couch, attempting to keep myself up. This
can’t be true… Siyakhula is—dead.

109
Chapter 15
SIZA
.
.

“Mah…” I choke on the next words, I’m overwhelmed by emotions I

can’t explain.
“He will be fine, he’s at Netcare Sunninghill hospital. The doctors
were able to pull him through. Please come if you can.”
I’m about to ask if she is okay when she releases a sob.
“Mhlauli is the one we should be worried about. My son is… he’s…”
She bursts in sobs. I don’t understand anything right now. They were
okay when I left, how did all of this happen?
“Mah? Hello?” She’s gone.
I’m having a hard time standing, so I sit and breathe to collect my
thoughts and the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Siyakhula is in the hospital, I have to see him. There are men outside,
the only way I can dodge them is by lying.
Think! Think! A light bulb moment. This will hurt, but I don’t have a
choice. It’s the only way I can get to Siyakhula without Marvin
knowing.
I grab a knife from the kitchen, put a towel in between my teeth and
brace myself.
I press the knife to my palm, the courage to slice my hand is not there.
Oh God, I have to take a risk. My eyes shut, I suddenly feel
lightheaded due to the thought of seeing blood.
Before I change my mind, I glide the knife across my palm. It hurts
like a bitch but I hold in my screams. Blood starts to drool out of my
hand, it’s not a nice sight.
110
Quickly, I grab a dishcloth to use as a bandage when I get to the
hospital. I won’t have time to see a nurse.

Time is not on my side. Marvin will be back soon. I’m surrounded by

two men as I step out of the house.
“Where are you going?” The one with a husky voice questions me as
if I am a prisoner.
I hold my injured hand out, praying they buy my story.
“I need to get to the hospital.
“We can’t let you go, ma’am.” This fool is wasting my time.
To make this injury a big deal, I add a sprinkle of exaggeration by
yelping in pain. I can’t be bleeding so much for nothing.
“Your boss is very protective of me, why do you think you are here?
He won’t hesitate to kill you when he finds out you wouldn’t let me
go to the hospital for treatment.” Please let them believe me.
“I will drive you,” husky voice quickly says.
I was hoping to drive myself then again, that’s wishful thinking.
The man doesn’t protest when I tell him which hospital to go to.

We get there in no time, I tell him to wait in the car because I’m also
getting a pap smear. It’s enough to make him stay in the car. Good, he
knows what it is.
My feet can’t move any faster than this. A kind nurse directs me to
the floor Siyakhula is kept after I lie that I am his wife. The useless
ring on my finger made my lies seem real.
On my way to the second floor, I tie the dishcloth around my hand.
The bleeding has stopped, leaving a stinging pain.

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In the waiting area, I’m met with a man pacing around. With him is a
distressed looking woman.
She turns her head and her eyes widen as she sees me.
“Sizalobuhle?” Her eyes are wet with tears. “It’s you.”
She must be Siyakhula’s mother. My feet are slow as I make my way
to her, she meets me halfway. For a moment, I think she will fall. Her
body is visibly trembling, tears raining down her face that she starts
sobbing loudly.
Behind her is the old man, he kind of looks like Siyakhula. The
resemblance is not that strong. He wraps his arms around Siyakhula’s
mother from the back, and as if that is cue, her legs give up their task,
letting her tumble in his arms.
I freeze—should I get closer or…
“My sons—my sons.” Is what she keeps saying, at this point she is
wailing like a mother that has lost her children.
Her cries are wrenching my heart, and inviting fear into my heart. I
need to see Siyakhula, I have to see him.
I don’t know where I get the strength but I’m walking forward,
towards the hospital room. My heart is promising to stop with each
move, it’s sitting in my throat choking me and giving me a splitting
headache.
As far as my memory goes, I have never been afraid of anything—yet
right at this moment, it feels like I am in bed with fear. I can’t explain
the feeling.
“You don’t belong here.” The old man says, stopping my shaky hand
from grabbing the door handle.
“Please…” I join my hands, pleading to see Siyakhula.
His eyes are unkind, crucifying me for something I don’t know.

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“This is your fault.” The words said behind gritted teeth stab at me
like chards of glass.
“My sons are in there because of you.” He continues.
I honestly have no idea what he is talking about.
“I didn’t do anything sir…” The tears have made my face a
playground at this point.
“I said leave.” He roars, startling me. I stagger backward, landing on
Siyakhula’s mom. She envelopes her arms around me.
“Now is not the time Mlamuli, let the child see him.”
Mlamuli’s jaw clenches, he shifts his intense gaze from me to her.
“MaMbatha, she is the reason our sons are fighting for their lives.” He
mutters the lies so firmly that I even believe him.
“I swear baba, I…”
“I am not your father little girl, get out of my sight before I call
security.” His rumble is laced with authority.
“I didn’t know this was going to happen to them. They were fine
when I left…”
He raises a hand to stop me from talking, “I am not going to repeat
myself.”
Why is he blaming me? It’s not my fault, I would never put
Siyakhula’s life in danger.
“I’m sorry.” I say, backing away more than one step. My hand is
gripped, it’s Siyakhula’s mom.
I turn to her, her eyes are on her husband—pleading.
“MaMbatha…” The command is demanding and authoritative.
“Don’t do this, baba. Let her see him, please.”
“Are you going to defy my word for this stranger, MaMbatha?” That
sounds like emotional blackmail.
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I feel her hand loosen from mine, she was my only hope. I really need
to see Siyakhula.
“Mah, you have to believe me. I would never hurt Siyakhula, he’s the
father of my kids.”
MaMbatha directs her widened eyes to me.
“K—kids?” She stammers. “M- my grandchildren are alive?”
Oh God! What did I say? Marvin will kill them if I tell anyone.
.
.
MARVIN

He’s speeding to the location Black sent. His mind is a wild forest and
his heart clanging cymbals. Over the phone, Black said something
terrible happened, and he didn’t know how to fix it.
He arrives at the location, a town in the outskirts of Johannesburg.
The elevator is out of service, he uses the stairs. He’s about done with
this workout by the time he gets to the third floor. He knocks once
before the door opens.
“What happened?” Marvin’s question has Black sweating under his
brown skin.
“Come in.” Black says and that has Marvin scowling at him.
He doesn’t like being told what to do, nevertheless, it doesn’t stop
him from walking in.
The light in here is dim, there is little to no electricity.
“Are you going to tell me what happened or you want me to suck
your dick first?” He pulls out a gun while glaring daggers at Black.

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“Nadine went there as you requested.” Black introduces, he can’t keep
his eyes in one place.
“Tell me something I don’t fucking know Black.” Marvin barks,
slowly approaching Black. If his eyes could kill, Black would be
breathing his last.
“I told Nadine to go there and seduce that fucker Siyakhula, Siza was
supposed to find them in bed. I know all of that because it was my
plan. Why did you call me here?”
Black is backed up against the wall, he lets out a trembling breath.
“Siyakhula wasn’t home when we arrived.”
Marvin figured it out when he saw Siyakhula at the bar. His first plan
didn’t work, but plan B was a masterpiece. It felt too damn good
walking away with Siza while Siyakhula watched.
His initial plan was to wait for Siza to get her memory back before
showing her Phangizitha’s video. But plans can be changed.

“Getting into the room where Joj was sleeping was easy, my men got
in through the window. Nadine was distracting Mhlauli, I think she
tried to seduce him and he caught on. I could hear their argument
from outside, the next thing I heard was a scream. When I ran into the
house, Mhlauli had Nadine in a chock hold and a knife held to her
throat. I yelled for him to let her go, and the next thing Nadine was on
the couch gagging with her hands pressed to her slit throat.”
Marvin’s anger rises from the inside, his eyes turn red and tears blind
him.
Black looks around as he struggles to withstand the flame in Marvin’s
eyes.
“I… I shot at him and he ran towards the kitchen. He didn’t have a
gun with him, that’s how I was able to get him. Siyakhula too, I shot

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them.” Black breathes, but there seems to be no air going into his
lungs.
He is terrified to death.
“Where is Nadine? I want to speak to her.” Marvin calmly says.
Blacks looks around, nervously swallowing down his heart that has
come to sit in his throat.
“Sir?”
Marvin presses the gun on Black’s temple, the defenseless man gulps.
Dribbles of sweat trail down his forehead.
“Where is my wife?” Marvin sizzles.
He found out about Nadine when he started investigating Siyakhula,
for over a month he stalked her with the intent to use her to destroy
Siyakhula.. Her mannerisms got to him, he knew he had to meet her
in person.
Their meeting was nothing short of amazing, they bonded over Cape
Town, their motherland. Nadine was the strong woman he’d been
looking for, their attraction was fatal and Marvin loved that.
She kept him on his toes and challenged him in ways where he would
dream of killing her but he loved her enough not to.
Nadine was as vengeful as he was, she loved the idea of Siza and
Siyakhula living in eternal suffering. She was a woman scorned and
that’s all the weapon Marvin needed in her.
Their marriage happened too fast and in secret. She was his woman.

“Sh… she’s dead sir.” It’s as if Black is gasping for air. Tears flow
down his face, he knows that he is about to meet his ancestors.
“You let my wife die, Black?” Marvin whispers in his ear.
“Mh… Mhlauli killed her.” He snitches.

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Marvin is on the verge of breaking down, he knows though that he
needs to pull himself together.
He takes a moment of silence for his wife, then continues to
interrogate Black.
“Did she tell him about our plan?” A question from Marvin.
“I don’t know—but I happened to tell Siyakhula before I killed him.”
This is not what he wants to hear, anyway, he didn’t think Black
would be this stupid.
“Please tell me you made sure they were dead before you left.” They
have to be dead, he can’t risk all his hard work going down the drain.
Black seems to have no answer for Marvin, he’s silent and breathing
hard.
“Open your mouth.” Marvin’s voice is as low as a whisper.
Black doesn’t understand why he has to open his mouth, his eyes are
wide with panic.
“Don’t waste my time Black, open your fucking mouth.”
Slowly, he opens. He gasps as Marvin plunges the tip of the gun
inside his mouth.
Black frantically shakes his head, his face is wet at this moment –
tears and sweat and snort.
“This is for my wife.” Marvin pulls the trigger.

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Chapter 16
SIZA
.
.
“Security, security!” Mlamuli is calling for a man in uniform walking
past. He stops, and observes us inquisitively.
“This woman is trespassing, get her out of here.”
The security guard looks more than happy to do it.
“Sisi, come with me.”
“Don’t touch me.” I snap, escaping his touch and hiding behind
MaMbatha.
“Baba please, the girl just wants to see Siyakhula. What will he say
when he wakes up and finds out what you did?” She says.
“Our son is in there because…”
“With all due respect Donda, we don’t know what happened back
there. You cannot pin this on her, stop bullying the girl and let her
be.” She looks at the guard. “Go.”
The guard is hesitant, but leaves.
The door behind Mlamuli opens, revealing a nurse. I get a glimpse of
Siyakhula as Mlamuli makes way for her.
“He’s awake and asking for Siza.” That’s me, I’m Siza.
I step forward, “That’s me.”
I enter before Mlamuli protests.
“Don’t be too long, he needs his rest. The police will be here to get a
statement.” The nurse says before leaving us alone.

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“Khula!” I believe this is what I used to call him. He goes for a smile,
it’s not full but it makes me smile.
I sit on the chair beside the bed and hold his hand, he hasn’t removed
his eyes from me since I walked in. He doesn’t look bad for someone
who almost died.
“How are you feeling?” Tear escape my eyes, I cover mouth to mute
my sobs.
“Drowsy.” He says.
It’s the medication.
“Do you want me to call the nurse? Are you in pain?” It’s getting
harder for me to control my cries, I can’t stand seeing him like this.
He squeezes my hand, “I’m fine Gundi. Are you okay? Did he do
anything to you?”
“No,” I shake my head, wiping my tears. “I’m fine.”
Do I tell him about the boys? What if he confronts Marvin and he
gives his people the go-ahead? I will never forgive myself if anything
happens to them.
“I was so scared Siyakhula thinking you were going to die.”
“I will never leave you, not in this lifetime.” He says, and brings my
hand up to kiss it.
Oh God! Little does he know Marvin will never let us be together.
“I’m going to take you away when I get out of here, you, me and Joj
will be a family. I promise.”
I turn away from his loving gaze. It hurts me that we will never be.
“What happened after I left? Who did this to you?”
I see his jaw clench and eyes turn from soft to hard.

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“Black betrayed me, it turns out he was working for Marvin. He killed
Nadine and…” Horror clocks his eyes. “My brother, where is
Mhlauli? Is he okay?”
I didn’t care to ask about Mhlauli’s condition but from MaMbatha’s
reaction, it’s not looking good. But I can’t tell him that.
“I haven’t seen him yet, your mom was with him earlier. I think he
will be fine.”
Relief replaces horror.
“Did Black do this to you and Mhlauli?”
“Yes, he confessed to killing Nadine and shooting Mhlauli. I’m going
to get him, he is going to pay for what he did to my brother.” He’s
getting angry.
The nurse walks back in, “The patient needs to rest.”
That’s my cue.
“Don’t go far okay?” I nod because I can’t make an audible promise
when I know I won’t be here when he wakes up.
His hand runs down my back as I lean over to kiss his cheek.
“I love you Siza, thank you for coming back.” He says.
I hurry out, I don’t want him to see me in tears.

MaMbatha crowds me as soon as she sees me, there’s another woman

with her. Just as old, she’s more beautiful. She looks, and smells like
money.
“How is he?” The woman is the one who asks.
I look to MaMbatha for clarification.
“This is MaKhuzwayo, my sister wife.”
Oh! Mlamuli is polygamist? Why am I not surprised? I hardly know
the man but it suits him.
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“He looks strong,” I tell them. “He wanted to know how his brother
is.”
This one—MaKhuzwayo is staring, scrutinizing me under her dark
gaze to be precise. Am I missing something here?
“Why did you come back into our lives? Didn’t you cause enough
damage? We already lost one son, you want to take the ones we have
left as well?”
Wow! She sounds like Mlamuli.
I don’t have the strength to defend myself.
“Makhuzwayo calm down, please. The girl is also hurting, give her
space.” –MaMbatha.
“She’s bad luck, MaMbatha, I don’t want her anywhere near our sons.
I don’t care if Siyakhula loves her, our family was doing okay without
her.”
Yoh hai! I am speechless really. Phangizitha must be dancing in hell
seeing this.
MaKhuzwayo gives me one final dirty stare and strolls away, down
the corridor. I hope she is not going to call Mlamuli. The two of them
ganging up on me will make my heart stop.

“Don’t worry my child, she’s just hurt.” MaMbatha rubs my back, it’s
comforting.
“What happened to them Mah?” I’m asking about the brothers.
“Siyakhula called me, I knew something was wrong when he said
ma.” She sniffles. “They shot my sons and left them for dead. Luckily
he had called an ambulance, it arrived on time.”
Should I ask why they are at a hospital in Johannesburg and not
Mpumalanga? She might think I am too forward.

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“They will be fine, the doctors have it under control.” I’m saying this
with pain in my heart.
MaMbatha nods, I don’t think she is agreeing with me though.
“It’s unfortunate Olive’s mother didn’t make it.” Her voice changes to
indifferent.
“Nadine?”
“Yes, she died on the scene.” She replies.
I wonder what Nadine was doing there.
“I never liked that girl, but she didn’t deserve to die.” I agree with her.
Poor Olive, I don’t know him at all but he’s a kid. No kid deserves to
lose their parent.
There is so much I need to ask Siyakhula, sadly I won’t be here when
he wakes up.
“It’s so sad.” I don’t know what to say really.
Her phone rings, she excuses herself. It’s very late, Marvin must be
back and turning the house upside down. I’m surprised that man I
came with hasn’t come to look for me.

“Siza?”
A high pitched voice calls my name. I turn to a woman wearing a
bright smile on her face. I’m in her arms before I get a chance to see
her face.
“Oh my God, babe. You really are alive.” She squeals so loud my
eardrums hurt.
I want to get out of the hug but she is holding on too tight.
“I can’t breathe.” I squeeze the words out.
‘Oh Sorry.” She giggles, loosening her grip. She cups my cheeks,
squeezes them and kisses my forehead.

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Confusion can’t be this bad. She looks so happy to see me.
“Do I know you?” I shove her busy hands away.
She rolls her eyes.
“Yes, girl it’s so good to see you.” She pulls me in for a quick hug.
Lord, I have no idea who she is.
“Tell me you remember this face, otherwise I’d be offended.”
I am dragged to a seat and made to sit down, her hand is still holding
mine.
“You don’t look familiar, I’m sorry.” Why am I apologizing? It’s not
my fault that I have memory loss.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Are you here to see Siyakhula?”
Sadness takes over the tone of her voice, and I’m not sure what to
make of her expression.
“Yes, you know him too?” Her reply is a dramatic nod and a wide
smile.
Lord! Don’t let her be his girlfriend, but he would have told me if he
had a girlfriend.
Argh! Who am I fooling?
“You still haven’t told me who you are.” I say.
She’s talking to me as if we are long lost cousins. Her eyes roll to the
back of her head again, must be a terrible habit. I would surely get a
headache.
“You don’t remember me? Hlelo, your best friend?”
I shake my head, I have no memory of her.
“It’s a shame your dad is married now. Who would’ve thought Ms
Holier than thou, Bonisile would be the one to marry the pastor? I
hate her.” She cackles, she’s a talker.
“My dad?” My father is alive?
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“Yes babe, pastor Gumede. He married Bonisile after he divorced
Nomazulu who cheated on him with your uncle Qeda. Things didn’t
go well between Qeda and Nomazulu, he ironed her face and was
arrested for attempted murder. Nomazulu eloped with some rich man,
leaving Bonisile to raise your siblings. She’s a mother now and the
pastor’s wife. That bitch married my crush.”
She’s speaking so fast, I’m having a hard time following.

“Excuse me!”
He’s here. I somehow knew he would find me here, I knew it was
risky but I still stayed. I stayed because Siyakhula has become
important to me.
He gives me the look that tells me I’m in trouble. He won’t do
anything in front Hlelo, that I know for sure. Marvin would do
anything to appear a saint in front of people.
“Who’s this?” Hlelo asks with her high pitched voice.
Where do I even begin? This is the man that holds my entire life in his
hands.
“Marvin Bora, her husband.” He shakes her hand.
Hlelo is grinning at him, and checking him out.
“Babe, you found yourself a full meal.” Her eyes are all over his
body.
If only she knew looks can be deceiving.
“And you are?” The smile on Marvin’s face is making me nauseous.
“Call me Hlelo…”
I stand in between them, stopping the introduction in the process. I
don’t want him involved with the people from my past, he might hurt
them to get to me.

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“Can I have a word with my wife, Hlelo?” He says when all I do is
stare wordlessly.
“No problem handsome.” Is she always this happy?
I’m being pulled toward the waiting room against my will and I can’t
protest because he controls me now, as long as he has my kids, he
controls me.
To Marvin’s advantage, the room is empty. He mercilessly holds my
hand and bares his teeth at me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He knows why I’m here, since
he had no trouble finding me.
“I came to see Siyakhula.” I manage to say without stammering,
averting my eyes away from the rage reflecting in his eyes.
“You fucking slut!” He snarls in my face. “I should have known
you’d disobey me and run to him. What did I say to you Siza, huh?
Are you willingly trying to get your sons killed?”
“N-No… I’m sorry.” I stammer out as his grip tightens around my
arm.
“You better be.” He releases me. “Now I am giving you a chance to
redeem yourself.”
I look up at him with wide eyes, “What do you mean? Redeem myself
how?”
“I mean make me believe that you mean what you say, appease my
anger Siza. Mr. Donda has been stalling his approval to merge with
my company. He and his sons think I’m an idiot. I know Mlamuli is
too much of a chicken to deny me outright. Instead, he is making me
jump through all these unnecessary hoops. Just because he has more
money doesn’t mean he can control me. I want him punished, I want
one of his sons dead.”
My jaw drops, “You can’t kill his sons. It’s wrong.”

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“I don’t care, to hell with all of them. Don’t think you can escape this
Siza, I want Mhlauli Donda dead.”
The wheels turn in my head before the realization hits me like a
speeding train. My blood runs cold.
“You want me to kill him?” The ice cold blood in my veins starts to
boil into a fiery rage when Marvin begins to laugh condescendingly.
“You are smart, I was wrong about the slowness of your brain. I want
it done today.”
“I can’t,” is he insane? I can’t take a person’s life, it’s inhumane.
“You can’t or you won’t?” He questions angrily.
“I won’t.” I don’t hesitate to deny his request.
I don’t even have a second to react before I hit the wall, my cheek
stinging from the violent backhand I just received. Swiping my hand
across my lip, I wipe away the small drop of blood that has gathered
at the corner of my mouth.
“If you dare deny me, I will kill your kids. Don’t test me, Siza. You
know damn well I can do it. Get your ass up, go into Mhlauli’s room
and end his life.”
This is what being stuck between a rock and a hard place feels like.
How do I take a life of an innocent man?

126
Chapter 17
SIZA
.
.
He doesn’t help me to my feet, he’s just staring with malice in his
eyes. How was I not able to see the hate reflecting in Marvin’s eyes
all these years? It has been staring back at me, and I missed it.
“I’ll wait here, go and make me proud.” He says.
Mhlauli doesn’t deserve to die, it’s Marvin instead. If I were given a
gun, I would shoot this man without thinking twice about it.
I’ve dreamt about his death, many times than I can count. A picture of
Marvin in a coffin lives rent free in my head.
But that’s reserved for another day, I have bigger things to worry
about, like how am I going to get myself out of this messy situation.
“You’re wasting time.” He snaps his fingers.
I force myself up and without sparing Marvin a glance, I open the
door and brace myself. If MaMbatha and Hlelo are still out there, they
will want to know why my eyes are wet.
At least there is no one around. I march to Siyakhula’s room while
checking if Marvin is not keeping an eye on me.
The door is closed, I slightly push it open and peep in. The last thing I
want is to find Mlamuli in here.
Thank God it’s just Siyakhula, he’s sleeping.
Maybe Mlamuli and his wife were right. I am bad luck. Siyakhula
wouldn’t be here if it were not for me.
There is space on the left side of the bed. I squeeze myself beside him
and take time to study him. It feels like I have gazed upon him
countless of times but this time it feels different.

127
I memorize each portion of his face carefully.
The strong curves of his jawline make him appear more handsome
than when he’s awake. I melt into the mattress at the pure beauty that
pours from his entire being.
The feel of his warm body has me holding back a moan. I scoot closer
to him and lean in to brush my lips over his. The contact makes
Siyakhula stir in his sleep.
I lay my head on his chest and relish the moment.
“I wish things were different. If only we found each other before I fell
for your brother. You and I would never have been separated.
Phangizitha was never going to come between us.”
I feel a need to pour my heart out and tell him what’s weighing me
down.
“You were right Siyakhula, I should have believed you. Marvin
confessed everything. He was Phangizitha. He knows my past, who I
was before the accident. He’s the one who found me, and kept me
from you. It was all your brother’s plan before he died. Siyakhula,
he’s controlling us from beyond the grave.”
The thought makes my blood run cold.
“Maybe I’m a coward for telling you this in your sleep. I don’t think
I’d be able to stand the look in your eyes when you hear that the
quads are alive and Marvin is holding them captive. He said if I tell
anyone, he will not hesitate to kill them.”
I want to let it all out, maybe I won’t feel so heavy and guilty.
“He’s here at the hospital, he wants me to kill Mhlauli. Tell me, how
can I do that? How do I take your brother away from you? I don’t
want to do it, but Marvin will kill the quads if I don’t. That son of a
bitch is making me choose between your brother and our sons.”

128
I would choose my sons no matter what, they mean the most to me.
But then again, I am not a murderer and I don’t want to hurt
Siyakhula.
“I need you, Khula. I’m so tired, I have no strength to go on.”
Maybe I should end my life instead.
My death would surely declare Marvin a loser. He won’t have a
reason to fight Siyakhula when I’m gone.

I press my lips on Siyakhula’s, this time, his eyes flutter open and he
peers down at me.
“Siza.” It’s only now I realize how beautiful my name sounds in his
mouth—now that I know who I am.
“Mhh!” I hum, softly.
“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
Where do I even begin? Everything is wrong. I wish I could have the
courage to tell you face to face what’s truly going on.
“Do you ever regret falling in love with me?” Listen to me sounding
desperate and vulnerable.
He strokes my cheek with his warm hand.
“How can I regret loving you? You are the best thing that has ever
happened to me. If there is a next life, I would choose you again.”
That’s supposed to make me feel better but I feel worse. What is
wrong with me? Have I become a robot over the years we were apart?
I need to remember the past, I need to remember Siyakhula and what
we were.
“I’m sorry if I ever hurt you, I’m sorry for leaving you and making
you think I was dead. I have no recollection of the past, but I know I
must have loved you unconditionally. I see it in your eyes when you
look at me. Somehow, I am convinced that you were everything to
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me.” I don’t know where that came from. I just spoke without
thinking and no direction.
“We loved each other Siza, there were hurdles but we never let go of
one another’s hand. We were happy and building a future together.”
He’s rubbing my back and showering the top of my head with kisses.
This man is so gentle, I’m almost envious. Was I really loved by him?
I don’t say anything but lay my head on his chest.
I’m saddened by the fact that I will never experience this kind of love.
The thought brings tears to my eyes. His arms squeeze me in, he
always feels like home.
“Do you trust me?” I look up at his question.
“With my life.” I mutter honestly.
He’s the only one I trust.
He says nothing at all but presses my head to his chest and randomly
kisses my head.
.
.

MARVIN

She’s been gone for too long. He’s starting to wonder if she ran off or
got cold feet. Having Siza kill Mhlauli would be the best revenge.
This way, Siyakhula will hate her and if he’s lucky, kill her.
The thought of the love birds killing each other brings a smirk to his
face.

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What is taking Siza so long? He’s growing impatient. It’s been more
than an hour. Siza should be back with the news already.
Marvin decides to go and snoop. He roughly pushes the door open
and immediately, loud cries pierce his ears.
In the hallway, he spots Mlamuli comforting one of his wives. The
other one is rolling on the floor, wailing.
“My son! My son!” She keeps saying.
A smile curves at the corner of his mouth. Damn! Siza actually did it.
He didn’t think she had it in her.
And there she is, sitting on a bench with her head down and face
buried in her hands. As if she feels his eyes on her, she lifts her head.
Their eyes meet. Marvin winks and gets a frown from her. She’s
actually crying.
Argh! What a waste of tears… he thinks.
She goes down on her knees and crawls to the woman on the floor.
She wraps her arms around the elder woman who’s cries escalate at
Siza’s touch. Either way, she lets Siza comfort her.
Marvin is ready to go home, there is no reason for him to stay and
watch this circus. Nadine’s killer is dead and he didn’t have to lift a
finger to take him out.
He approaches with the intent to grab Siza and force her to go with
him.
The woman in Mlamuli’s arms escapes and pulls Siza from the
woman on the floor. Siza receives a slap that sends her reeling back.
Now this is something worth watching.
Marvin stops and watches with a smug look on his face.
“What did I say, MaMbatha? I told you this girl is bad luck, our son is
gone. She has done it again.” That must be MaKhuzwayo screaming.
He’s heard of the wives but has never met them.

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Mlamuli holds her back as she attempts to slap Siza again.
“Mah…”
“Don’t say anything.” Marvin grabs Siza’s hand. She might slip and
say things she is not supposed to say.
“Let me go,” she struggles until she is free from his grip.
“Let’s go home.” Marvin commands in a whisper.
He’s avoiding looking at these people.
“No, I can’t leave. I want to be there for Siyakhula.” Siza takes off,
running into Siyakhula’s room. This was not part of the plan.
Everyone follows her, including the grieving mothers.
“Siyakhula, I know you believe me. They are blaming me for
Mhlauli’s death, you know me. Tell them I would never do that, I
would never intentionally hurt you or your family.” She cries and
extends a hand to take his.
Siyakhula has not looked at her once and this makes Marvin happy.
Who knows, he might throw a party when he gets home.
“Siyakhula?” A shocked Siza mumbles, grabbing his hand again.
“Please tell me you believe me.”
“Don’t touch my son.” MaKhuzwayo says, not hiding the hate in her
voice.
Siza’s attention is only on the man on the bed, there is desperation in
her eyes.
“My mother is right, you are bad luck Siza. I don’t want you
anywhere near my family. Go and don’t ever come back.”
Okay! Things are going better than he expected.
Siyakhula is so cold towards Siza. Talk about killing two birds with
one stone. Marvin wants to laugh out loud as Siza breaks into loud
sobs and desperately begs an indifferent Siyakhula to believe her.

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“I said go!” The man on the hospital bed roars.
This has Siza stumbling back, shock evident in her eyes. She looks at
MaMbatha for help, the old lady doesn’t spare her a look.
“Let’s go home, you are not wanted here.” Marvin says, forcing her
kicking and screaming out of the room.
.
.
SIZA

“I’m taking the car.” He looks up at me from his laptop and graces me
with a frown.
His eyes browse through my body, and that has his frown deepening.
It’s the black clothes I’m wearing.
“Where are you going?”
I knew he was going to ask me this.
“Today is Mhlauli’s funeral, I told you last night.”
It’s been a week since I left the hospital with a heavy heart. I haven’t
heard from Siyakhula since, from what I hear, he is out of the hospital
and recovering at home.
“And I thought I told you that you are not going.”
We had an argument last night after I told him that I have to make an
appearance at the funeral. I don’t know what language this man
understands.
“But I have to be there, not going will raise eyebrows. MaMbatha
expects me there. They will think I had a hand in Mhlauli’s death.”
It’s not like he cares. But I have to go, this is my only chance to see
Siyakhula.

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Marvin is thinking about it, I know because he is scratching that big
head of his.
“That’s the whole plan my dear Siza, I want Siyakhula to spit on the
ground you walk on.” He shuts his laptop and stands to his feet.
He’s in my face, my blood boils as he strokes my cheek.
“Go. I want you back in two hours, Siza. Otherwise, I will come and
drag you home.” He forces a kiss to my lips and goes back to his
laptop.

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Chapter 18
SIZA
.
.
I was hoping MaMbatha would be the one to open the door for me,
not this bitter woman who thinks I am to blame for the death of her
son.
It’s not my fault that Phangizitha’s screws were loose.
“Greetings ma.” She frowns at my greeting. I don’t want to care but
her approval would mean a lot to Siyakhula which in turn should
mean a lot to me.
“Can I come in?” I ask. Her sour face turns into a scowl.
She leaves the door open and walks back into the house. I have to find
my way in and ask the helper I bump into where Siyakhula is.
“Mr. Donda is in his room.” She says.
I haven’t seen him in a week, I miss him. The realization hits me
when I lay my eyes on him. His eyes light up as our eyes meet, he’s
lying in bed, shirtless.
“Did I die and go to heaven?” He’s rubbing his eyes, as if shocked to
see me.
The smile on my face wins over me.
“No one wears black in heaven.” I say, stopping in front of the closed
door.
“My baby does,” he winks and adds, “You’re here?”
“Yes, I’m here.”
Did I say his eyes lit up? He’s smiling with his eyes, the look makes
me feel special.
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“Does this mean the dream I had was real?” He asks.
“You are lucky you get to dream, some of us sleep like the dead.” I
return, fighting off a smile.
“I only dream when you visit me in my dreams.” He retorts.
He’s playful today, I wonder why.
“The dream felt so real, we were making love on a bed of clouds. And
someone couldn’t get enough of me. More Siyakhula, more.” He’s
mimicking my voice when I’m aroused.
This man is crazy.
God knows why the sound is sending tingles down there. This is the
worst time to be thinking about sex.
I wonder how he’s like in bed.
“Are we currently having sex in your head?” Siyakhula breaks me out
of my lustful thoughts. There’s a mischievous smirk on his face.
I refuse to answer that, I’m embarrassed.

“Shouldn’t you be at the hospital, recovering?” I kiss his lips, and he

cages me in his arms, pulling me on the bed next to him.
“Be careful, you’re injured.” I tell him.
“The pain ceases to exist when I see you.” His lips are touching mine
again.
“How is the wound?” I pull down the blanket to check.
“MaMbatha changed the bandage a while ago, she’s also not happy
that I left the hospital.”
MaMbatha is well in her will to worry, it takes time for a bullet
wound to heal.
“I wish you would listen to your mother.”

136
“I always listen to her, don’t you think it’s time I listen to my heart?”
His large hand rubs my back. “I can’t freely see you at the hospital.
Marvin has eyes everywhere.”
He’s right about that. However, Marvin has put his guard down since
Mhlauli’s supposed death.
“Is it painful?”
He nods, “Please kiss it better.”
This man is trying to seduce me.
I press my lips on the wound, “Get well soon, big baby.”
Why is he moaning?
I just kissed his bandaged wound that’s all. I stare at him with a
frown-smile on my face.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Donda?” Because it’s working.
I should have worn a panty liner, I can’t be walking around with a wet
underwear.
“Is it working?” He pulls me closer to him, and smashes his lips on
mine.
We’ve never taken things this far, and I didn’t know I was craving for
it until now.

The soft bed cover is thrown over us as Siyakhula tackles me and I

explode in a fit of giggles. The laughter dies down soon and is
replaced with heavy moans as he takes me over and over, filling me
so completely that I am sure I will feel him inside me for months.
This is our first time together, his touches and kisses feel familiar.
His sweet nothings sound like something I have heard before.
He’s so good and disciplined when he touches me.

137
“Tell me you remember this.” He says, pounding into me. I cover my
mouth to muffle my screams.
I know we have done this before, I feel it.
If we don’t stop, we will definitely go to that heaven he was talking
about.
I’m spent and fighting to hold on to my breath. Siyakhula does not
look worn out at all.

“Don’t move too fast—your stitches.” I give him a warning. He is not

there, this man is enjoying every second of this intimacy.
“I love you, Siza. I missed you so much.” He keeps saying. I feel like
I missed him too.
We switch from different positions, moving from my legs placed high
on his broad shoulders as he moves inside of me at a painfully slow
pace; to me on my stomach with my hips raised in the air. In this
position, he’s pounding into me, brutally.
I’m bouncing eagerly fucking myself on his hard erection as he
thrusts into me.

We go until we are completely spent, collapsing together on the bed. I

don’t stay down for too long, I check his wound to see if he didn’t
tear anything. He’s fine.
Siyakhula slips away into the bathroom. I let my eyes flutter in
exhaustion, nearly getting pulled into a sex-induced coma. I moan
irritably when I’m jostled around, arms scooping me up and lifting me
from the warm comforts of the blanket.
“Siyakhula, your wound.” Why is he so careless?
“I haven’t touched you in five years, let me enjoy my woman.”

138
My nose wrinkles in displeasure at his stubbornness. I hear him softly
chuckle before placing a kiss to my forehead.
“Are you not afraid of dying? Put me down, you have an injury.” I’m
reminding him for the umpteenth time.
“I was shot a week ago, Gundi. And I’ve been getting medical care
every day. Please, don’t underestimate the Donda blood.” This is the
part where I roll my eyes.
“Besides, the wound wasn’t deep. Why do you think I’m able to take
you over and over, and still want more?”
My grumpiness eases at his words, he’s good when it comes to
blackmail.

He sets me inside the tub, and begins to remove his bandage.

“Don’t you dare get inside this water, Siyakhula.”
He stops moving, and frowns.
“How will I bath then?”
“Do the hospital sponge bath, I don’t want you to risk getting an
infection.”
“Come on Gundi, I thought we could have another round in there.”
He winks and I fight the blush wanting to attack me.
“Sorry, there’s not enough space. You’re too big anyway.” I occupy
the large tub. He laughs heartily, it’s beautiful.
“Okay, I was going to give you a back scrub, but you don’t want it. I
hope you are very flexible, madam. Something you were not the last
time I remember.” He says, sitting on the edge of the tub.
He’s right about me not being able to reach my back.
“I’m sorry, is this coming from a man who was flipping me like a
pancake in bed?” I challenge him with a quirked eyebrow.

139
Siyakhula puts on a thinking face, “Well, you do bend like a pretzel. I
certainly will not take that away from you, queen.”
He’s crazy, I can’t control my laughter.
“Allow me to bathe you then. I promise I won’t touch what I’m not
supposed to.” There’s a mischievous look on his face.
“You pervert.” I tease, he smiles a little and lathers my body with
soap.
I’m falling for him, deeply, that’s if I haven’t yet.
“I love you,” Siyakhula murmurs in my ear as he wipes a soapy hand
across my chest. I turn my head to the side so that we are face to face.
“I love you too,” I say with a warm smile, leaning close to press our
lips softly together.
I wish we could stay in bed all day, but I know it’s not possible.
I refuse to let him carry me back to the bedroom. I wear the same
clothes and help him pick something to wear. He goes for dark
colours.

“How is Olive holding up?” The poor kid lost his mother, life must be
terrible for him.
“He’s not taking it well, he’s with his mother’s family. He’ll come
back after the funeral.” Oh, I thought he would want to stay with them
just so he can feel close to his mother.
“He’ll be fine, he’s a big boy.” I say.
He nods, “speaking of. I’m late to the funeral.”
I didn’t think he was going to Nadine’s funeral.
“You’re injured, you can’t go.”
“Olive expects me there. He will be sad if I don’t make it.”

140
But that’s not fair. Olive is old enough to know that his father needs
to take rest.
“Siyakhula, you escaped from the hospital.”
“Nothing will happen to me,” he’s really forcing this thing.
I give up fighting him, I will go with him lest something happens.
This man is dressed and ready for a funeral, that’s why he chose dark
colors. I am not in support of this, I can’t even tell MaMbatha about
it, she will think I’m a bitter woman.
“What about Mhlauli? MaKhuzwayo will want you at his funeral.”
That’s what I came for, Mhlauli’s pretend funeral.
“They know the truth, I told them last night. They were not happy
with me, Mah is not talking to me.”
That makes sense, I would also be upset if I was told that my son died
when he’s still alive.
“They are leaving for Bergville this afternoon. I don’t want them
around where Marvin can easily access them.” He says.
I think that’s a good idea.
“What about the funeral though? It has to happen to make Marvin
believe that Mhlauli is dead.”
“I have my eye on Marvin, and the last thing he is worried about is
my brother’s funeral.” He puts on his wristwatch and grabs his wallet,
and car keys.
“We should get going.” He says.

We leave for Eldorado Park. Things are actually going better than I
expected. I didn’t realize that Siyakhula was listening to my
confession. He came up with this plan to fake Mhlauli’s death just to
deceive Marvin. So far so good.

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Mhlauli is recovering at a different hospital. Siyakhula has started the
mission to find the quads, he refuses to tell me his plans for my
safety.
.
.
I have to wear a big hat and big sunglasses to hide my identity. It’s
what Siyakhula says. He throws in a big black sweater and a black
cap and exits the car. No one will see him in this outfit, he’s literally
as black as the clothes he’s wearing.
“A hoodie at a funeral is a bit shifty, don’t you think?” I start, he
tightens his hold on my hand instead.
“Don’t leave my side.” He says.
Something tells me he’s expecting something to happen at this
funeral.
The church is full of coloured folks. Who knew people could be
stylish at a funeral?
“Is this a fashion parade or a funeral?” I find myself asking. I didn’t
even put effort on my dress. I just threw in a simple black dress, black
pumps and I was good to go.
We sit at the back where no one can see us. I can see Olive from here,
his head is resting on an elder woman’s shoulder.
I feel Siyakhula squeeze my hand and turn to his direction, he’s
looking at something or someone rather.
As I follow his line of sight, I see Marvin. He’s heading to the front.
“Keep your head down.” Siyakhula instructs.
“Why is he here? Do you think he followed us?” Our plan will be
ruined. Marvin is always a step ahead and I’m so done with that.
“I doubt, let’s hear what he has to say.” He says, rubbing the back of
my hand with his thumb.

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This contact is all I need to feel alive.
When one of Nadine’s cousins is done singing Nadine’s praises,
Marvin takes the stage.
He’s looking at the closed casket with no words coming out of his
mouth, but a great amount of pain reflecting on his face. I have never
seen this side of him.
He steps down, I’m thinking he has changed his mind, but he’s going
to kiss the casket.
“My feisty Nadine.” I didn’t hear right.
He’s back on the podium, is he crying? I’m so lost right now.
“Nadine was a good person and the best wife any man could have
ever asked for, she didn’t deserve to go down like this.”
Siyakhula and I exchange glances. Nadine was someone’s wife?
“We had our whole lives ahead of us, I thought the world was ours.
We had so much to achieve, little did I know, fate was conspiring
against me.”
I look at Siyakhula again thinking I’m hearing things.
“Marvin and Nadine were married?” I sound shocked, I am shocked.
Siyakhula nods. I know he is shocked as well, he’s just not showing
it.

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Chapter 19
SIYAKHULA
.
.
Olive is not doing well. I can’t imagine how he must be feeling, I
have never lost a parent before.
He won’t stop crying, I’ve resorted to making promises I am not sure
I will keep. I want him with me, not his grandmother. The woman
hates my guts, she’s Nadine’s aunt. I can’t recall a day when she
spoke to me politely.
“Olly, wipe your tears. You’ll get a headache from all this crying.”
He is lying on his stomach in one of the bedrooms. I have been trying
to pacify him but it’s not looking good.
“Olive, look at me when I’m talking to you.” I have to pretend to
scold him to get his attention. He sniffles as he sits up, he keeps his
head dropped and occasionally wipes the tears falling down his face.
I rub his shoulder to bring comfort to his soul.
“Your mother is gone, but that doesn’t mean you are alone. I’m here
Olly, you know that.”
He nods, depriving me a glance.
“You know I love you, right?”
Another nod. There has to be a way to pacify him.
“Are you going to avenge ma’s death?” Now he decides to leer at me.
“Revenge is for God, son.” I have no reason to avenge her death, my
hands are full. I have to find the quads.
Olive’s jaw clenches, he regards me with a stern gaze.
“Uncle said he will find the people that killed her and kill them.”
What is this boy saying to me?
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“Which uncle?” I bet it’s Ozzy.
“Uncle Marvin, he was ma’s husband.”
That son of a… Did this boy also know or he found out today as well?
I won’t burden him with many questions.
“Olive, listen to me because I will not repeat myself.” I grip his
shoulder. “Stay away from Marvin.”
“Why? I like him.”
“I don’t care.” I snap, it’s not on purpose. Marvin must stay away
from my kid.
“Seriously, you’re being unfair right now.” He’s talking back,
something he hardly ever does.
“I am still your father, when I say stay away from Marvin, I mean it.”
He shuffles and bounces on the bed, his face contorting in anger.
“I won’t stay away, you are never around and …” He’s mumbling and
I’m so close to slapping him.
“Boy, I will whoop your ass right now. Who is your father? Marvin or
me?”
He drops his head again, “You.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
He’s in tears, I pull him to my chest and caress his back.
“Pa loves you, don’t ever doubt that.” I tell him.
“I know.” He says.
“I’ll come and get you in three days. Your grandma still wants to
spend time with you.” Nadine’s aunt made it clear that I shouldn’t
take him with me today.
I won’t be so kind when I come for my son next time.
.

145
.

SIZA

I didn’t want to go to the grave yard. Siyakhula wanted to call

someone to come and get me but I couldn’t leave him alone.
It’s the after tears, we are still lurking around, ducking and hiding our
faces when we see Marvin. We stand out the most because, what are
the odds of a man wearing a hoodie and cap at a funeral?
The man I came with went to find his son, leaving me sitting alone.
Funerals can get very crowded and this one is no different. I have
never been to a colored funeral before. I have to say, I am more than
entertained from my little corner. From the toothless old couple
dancing to ‘Make the circle bigger,’ as to why such a song is played at
a funeral; to the drunk oupa swearing at every eye that catches his.
Where did he get the alcohol from?
As far as I know, they serve diluted juice at funerals.
So far, I’ve had a plate of rice and stew plus pastries. I swear on my
not good kitchen skills, coloured folks are kitchen gods.

My attention is occasionally snatched by this young woman that

hasn’t stopped staring since Siyakhula left me here.
She smiles and waves when our eyes meet again and because I don’t
want to be stabbed for my rudeness, I wave back, forcing a smile to
my lips.
“Excuse me, would you like a drink?” Says a little girl carrying a tray
of soft drinks. She places a glass of coke on the table and leaves to
serve the others.

146
A glass of wine would be nice right now, but I’m thirsty and this is
what they serve at funerals.
“I thought I recognized you.” It’s the lady that wouldn’t stop staring.
She is standing in front of me. She pulls the chair next to me and sits.
“Have we met before?” I ask because, where the hell does she know
me from?
“You are that lady from the sex tape, you are so pretty. I have to say,
whoever recorded that video did not do justice to your face. Wait till I
tell my boyfriend I met you in person.”
Someone better find me. I am lost.
“Should I know what you are talking about?”
She looks surprised by the question, “I’m sorry. I must have mistaken
you with someone else. I thought you were the lady from the sex tape
with Mr. Donda.”
She retrieves her phone and shows me the same video Marvin had
shown me. It’s muted, I can’t hear a sound, but that doesn’t change
the fact that I am embarrassed.
We went viral? God, how is this possible? It’s been five years and this
child recognizes me.
I’m a little shocked and still trying to digest the fact that I’m a porn
star when a flood of visuals play in my head. It’s the night I slept with
Siyakhula, it’s not only playing on this girl’s phone but in my head as
well.
I remember, I remember Siyakhula’s big hands fondling on my body.
I remember his touch and his soft moans, I remember screaming out
his name and telling him to go deeper. It feels like it happened
yesterday.
A smile spreads on her face, “So it is you.”
It’s the shocked look on my face that has given me away.

147
“I knew it, can I please get a picture?”
This brat, firstly, how old was she five years ago? Secondly, how did
she recognize me in this big hat and black sunglasses?
“How old are you?” She looks like a 2K.
“Nineteen.” She admits, smiling like she will never be thirty in her
life.
“You are a child, you shouldn’t be watching such things. Delete that
video.” It’s disgusting really! She was probably fourteen when the
video circulated.
“It’s okay, my parents know I’m having sex. My mom lets me watch
porn.” That proud look again.
“Your parents should be arrested.” I mumble so she doesn’t hear. I
need to get out of here. Where is Siyakhula?
Can my phone ring or something? I need an escape.
“So how about the selfie?”
That is not going to happen.
“Baby, there you are.” He’s back.
“Honey , you’re here—finally.” I fake a smile, gesturing he gets rid of
this little girl before I slap her back to her teenage years. Siyakhula
stretches out a hand for me to take, I don’t think this girl can
recognize him.
“I have to go.” I say to the young lady, she complains about the selfie
she wanted.

Siyakhula drags me up, and lugs me with him.

“Marvin is still around, are you trying to get yourself seen?” He says.
“It’s not my fault that I am a famous celebrity.” I fail to sound
sarcastic.

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“What are you talking about?”
“That nice little lady recognized me from our viral sex tape.” He stops
and looks at me, I bet his eyes are wide behind those glasses.
“Shit! I thought we left that in the past.”
“I thought my brain did too, but it remembers every detail of that
night.” I reveal.
Siyakhula removes his glasses. Yep! His eyes are wide alright.
“You remembered?”
“Every stroke and moan and orgasms.” I sound like a whore, don’t I?
Is this man blushing? Why the drop of the eyes and scratch of the
head?
“That night changed our lives, we wouldn’t have found our way to
each other had it not been for it.”
I hear him, but it changed Phangizitha’s life too. He probably would
still be alive.
Siyakhula envelops his arms around me, “Soon you will remember
everything.” He kisses the top of my head.
“I can’t wait, I’m tired of living in darkness.”
“It will be over soon, I promise.” He cradles my face and pecks my
lips.
We’re separated by a tongue click.
“Couldn’t you have chosen something else to wear?” I complain
when an old woman walks past us, and gives Siyakhula a strange
look.
“It’s called a disguise.” He retorts, like I don’t know.
“My condolences aunty,” a woman I don’t know shakes my hand and
walks away. She’s the third person today.
“What did you say about my disguise?” Siyakhula cracks a chuckle.
149
It’s this big stupid hat, these women think I’m a close family member.
This sums it up, we are over dressed.
“Have you spoken to Olive?”
“Yes, he’s not doing well. He’ll be moving in with me.” He says.
“Should I be around? I don’t think he will like the fact that his father
is in the presence of another woman. His mother just died and…”
“Olive knows there was nothing between me and his mother.”
Siyakhula’s explanation should make me feel better, but I know kids.
He will hate me. I haven’t been around him long enough to make out
how he feels about me but I just know.
A burp passes past my chest, I honestly have no idea where it came
from. I feel nauseous.
“That was loud.” Siyakhula gives me a strange look. “Are you okay?”
His eyes run to my stomach, heaven knows what’s on his mind.
“I’m fine. I need something sweet before I throw up.” I rub my chest.
“There’s a packet of sweets in the car.” He takes my hand, leading me
to the car.
He opens the door for me and rushes to get in once I’m settled.
There’s a packet of wine gums in the glove compartment. I indulge on
more than one bite. The nausea subsides a little.
And then? Why is he looking at me like that?
“What?” I shrug, widening my eyes in a questioning manner.
“I’m going to kill Marvin.” He spits.
I’m confused, he usually lets me in on everything.
“That bastard got you pregnant.”

150
Chapter 20
SIZA
.
.

It’s dark when we arrive at Siyakhula’s house, he holds my hand as

we make our way into the house. I don’t get why he is holding my
hand when he wouldn’t talk to me on the way home.
He’s upset because he thinks I’m pregnant even after I convinced him
that I am not.
My intimate moments with Marvin are not something to reminisce on,
he took from me and gave nothing in return.
The house is dark when we walk in.
“My mothers went back to Bergville.” Siyakhula explains when I
shoot him a questioning look. He goes to the living room, and of
course, I tread behind.
“I should get going.” I tell him.
What is the point of staying if he’s this quiet and withdrawn?
He stands in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips and
looks at me. What, is he expecting me to say something?
“I don’t want you to go back there.” His mind finally takes over.
“You know I have to.” I return.
If this is his plan of getting me upset, it’s working overtime.
“You’re sleeping with him?” It’s proven, men can be brainless.
Forget getting upset, I am fuming.
“It’s never been a problem before, why start now?” I’m not saying I
have slept with Marvin since we went to the house in Mpumalanga.

151
“Because we are sleeping together now, I don’t want him touching
you.”
I don’t understand his anger.
“Siyakhula, we had sex today. It was the first in five years, you can’t
possibly be acting like this. I didn’t do anything wrong.” My voice is
rising, I don’t want to fight with him. But this man is stirring in the
wrong pot.
He scoffs, removes his hands from his hips and shoves them into the
pockets of his pants.
“Sizalobuhle, do you understand that there is a possibility you might
be pregnant?”
“I would know, don’t you think?” Why are we fighting?
“Oh please, that’s far-fetched. A pregnancy is the one thing women
miss until they are far ahead.” He snapping at me. Seriously?
I need to stop yelling and breathe. Nothing will be resolved like this.
Siyakhula is scowling at me, the tension standing between us is too
thick it can only be cut with a double edged sword.
“We should go to the hospital.” He says, his eyebrows puckering into
the deepest frown he’s ever worn.
“For what?”
“A pregnancy test and an abortion if there is a baby in there. You
can’t have his baby, Siza. I won’t allow it, you are mine. You have to
get rid of that thing.”
Shock slices through me, and I don’t know if that’s what hurts or his
words.
My mind goes blank, I take a step forward only to slap Siyakhula’s
cheek. There is no reaction on his face, nor did he move to show that
he felt any pain, instead, my hand hurts like hell.
“I hate you.” I turn, ignoring his gaping mouth and bulging eyes.

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I’m almost at the door when he grips my arm and wheels me back
around with force. The bastard ran after me.
“Siza?” It comes out as a gasp. “Where are you going?”
“To Marvin.” I bark. “I’m going to ask him to fuck me again and put
more things in my womb.”
His face twitches, the grip on my arm tightens. I can hear his ragged
breaths as much as I can hear mine. He’s angry, as if he has every
right to be.
“Ungazong’hlanyisa wena.” He grunts. (Don’t piss me off.)
This is a new side I have never seen.
“What is your problem? Are you purposely trying to get a reaction out
of me?” He continues to growl at me.
“This is my body, Siyakhula. You have no say over it. Who the hell
do you think you are?”
“I have every right over you, Siza. You are mine.”
I laugh, unsmilingly. Siyakhula snatches my arm and pulls me into
him, I gasp as my chest collides with his.
“Ungang’ bambi.” I scream, struggling against him. I’m so mad at
him.
“Siza?” He says as if he is shocked by outburst of anger.
“Voetsek Siyakhula, yezwa? I hate you. How could you say that about
me? What do you take me for?” I roar, violently drumming his chest
with my closed fists.
He’s not feeling anything. He lets me go, and carries his hands on his
head.
“I hate the thought of another man touching you.” He says through
gritted teeth and a stern gaze.
“So? Does that mean you should insult me? I am not a whore, or a
thing you can control. ”
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“I never said you were,” he sighs, rubbing his tired-looking face.
“Fine, lets go to the hospital then. We’ll get a pregnancy test. If you
are pregnant, you will have to get rid of it.”
There he goes again, thinking he can tell me what to do with my
body.
I shake my head, giving up on this man.
“You are such an asshole, Siyakhula.” I scream. “You don’t care
about me, do you? It’s all about you and your damn ego. Maybe you
and Marvin should have a one-on-one and leave me the hell out of it.
You can even fuck each other for all I care.”
“Watch your mouth, Sizalobuhle.”
He grips my face, his fingers digging into my cheeks. Before I know
it, he is forcefully kissing me. It’s ravenous.
I’m heaving into his mouth from the passionate kiss.

My body is wrecked with shudders as I try to supress the urges rising

up in my chest.
“What are you doing?” I manage a question the second I break away
from the kiss.
“Showing you exactly how you make me feel.” He answers.
Our lips collide again.
It’s as if I feel every emotion he feels. Annoyed. Needy. Resentful.
Frustrated—so much frustration.
“I want to bury all my frustrations inside you.” He breaks out just to
tell me this.
The thought stuns me.
I have never had sexual urges towards Marvin or anyone in the past
five years, and now I’m having them towards Siyakhula.

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They are overwhelmingly strong. Either I am losing my mind or my
heart knows that he is my home. He rips my dress, and every material
on my body- leaving me stark naked. His lips and hands are all over
me, everything is happening so fast I can barely keep up.
Our eyes meet, he’s still angry. I feel the same and you know what…
“I hate you.” I spit, he replies with a deep frown. Then grips my
shoulders, roughly spinning me around so my back is facing him. He
presses me on the window, and uses his legs to slightly kick mine
apart.
“Open those legs for me.” He growls in my neck, aggressively.
I don’t want to; is the thought that runs through my head.
Instead, my body betrays me, I’m spreading my legs like a white.
My hands are above my head, cuffed by his one hand. I feel like I’m
about to be arrested for something and damn it feels good. Siyakhula
grazes his teeth down my bare back and a wave of heat crashes over
me, making me choke.
“Tell me you’re sorry for letting him fuck you.”
He’s insane.
“Go to hell.” I snap back, breathlessly.
He won’t repent, no matter what. I should be running out of this
house, yet I’m still facing the window—my face pressed on it, waiting
to see what he does next.

“Ouch!”
I scream and flinch when he spanks my butt. It hurt. This is a
punishment of sort.
Siyakhula gropes my butt cheeks and rubs them as if soothing the
burning pain. Pleasure immediately takes over from pain. I’m
instantly wet, squirmy and whimpering.

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His hand fondles with my ass, I feel his wet tongue run down my
plump flesh before he is spanking me again—not once but three
times.
“Siyakhula!” I scream his name, attempting to face him and he denies
me the right as he puts me back on the position I was in.
Why am I wet from being spanked? It can’t be right.
I’m vibrating and twitching down there.
I arch my back, my butt out for him to do as he pleases. He’s behind
me, touching me with burning hands.
I bite back a moan when I feel his hard erection rubbing against me.
In a split second, he pushes me on the couch. I’m lying on my
stomach, not sure how he’s planning to take me. He doesn’t waste
time in wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling my hips up, he
places a cushion under my stomach. His other hand is pressed on my
middle, pushing me down.
I moan in pleasure feeling his thumb rubbing my clit. I’m going to
burst.
“This is my sanctuary Siza, my holy place. No one else can access it
but me.”
He’s plunged inside me before I can make sense of his words.
.
.

DAYS LATER…
SIYAKHULA

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Nadine’s aunt is a pain in the ass, something tells me she’s
deliberately trying to bring out the worst in me. I came here last week
and was told that Olive visited Nadine’s brother. Today she is telling
me a different story. My son is never around when I come to fetch
him, I am getting frustrated by the attitude they give me whenever I
arrive.
“Sit.” Veronica says, showing me a seat.
I’m not going to sit, not when she is giving me that attitude. I want
my son.
“Where is Olive?”
“He’s not back, his uncle still has him.”
Like Nadine’s brother Ozzy, Veronica has never liked me. I never
tried to like her either, she’s never given me the chance.
“That’s bullshit, Veronica, and you know it. I want my son now.”
The disrespectful person in her huffs and rolls her eyes at me. This
woman is getting on my fucking nerves. I’ve never hit a lady before,
but she is trying me.
“Olive belongs with us, Siyakhula.” She speaks with a deep coloured
accent.
“Olive is my son.” I argue.
Something is going on here, and she thinks I can’t tell.
She sits on the couch, arms folded and a stinking attitude.
“Didn’t Nadine tell you? She wanted Olive to stay with us, she didn’t
want another woman to raise her son.”
This woman is annoying the shit out of me.
“My son! He’s my son, Olive is a Donda and you better bring him to
me now.”

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“Yeyi, jou poes. That’s my mother you are disrespecting.” This must
be her son, short and chubby. He’s threatening me with a pocket
knife.
“Control your laitjie Veronica, or else you’re having another funeral
this weekend.”
I’m going to start shitting on people if they think they can talk to me
like I’m trash.
“Lano get out of here, I got this.” Veronica scolds her son. He’s
glaring, still holding the pocket knife.
“Watch your back saani.” He makes a gun sign with his hand, and
pretends to shoot me in the head. I close the space between us, leering
down at him. The fear in his eyes is so visible, it’s pathetic.
“Get out of my face, boy. Go play with kids your own size, I will fuck
you up, your mother won’t be able to recognize you.”
He backtracks, eyes falling on the floor before he’s leaving the room.
“Call your brother and tell him to bring my son.” I instruct and take
the sit she was offering.
“I can’t do that, Olive is with his stepfather.”
Now, what she is telling me is nonsense.
“What stepfather?” I know who she is talking about, there is no harm
in acting a fool.
“Nadine’s husband, Marvin Bora.” Yeah neh! I have been playing
house with these people.
That’s why Veronica thinks she can give me attitude and give my son
to whoever she pleases.
“Tell me, Veronica. Do you see poes written on my forehead when
you look at me?” I’m done playing gentleman.
I give up the seat and tower over her. And the fact that she tries to
stand, pisses me off.

158
“Sit down, I’m still talking.”
She drops back on her seat. She can drown in that fear on her face for
all I care.
“I don’t know what sick plan you have in keeping my son from me.
Be it a life-cover or you think I will make it rain in your pockets. It
will not work. Call Marvin and tell him I want my son here in less
than five minutes.”
“Fine, but just know we will fight you in court. Nadine left a signed
letter that she wants her son staying with us.”
Over my dead body.

“Well if it isn’t Siyakhula Donda, the pompous bastard.” It’s Marvin.

With him is my son and the woman I love. I haven’t seen Siza in a
week. We text each other back and forth, I haven’t been able to
convince her to go for a pregnancy test.
She is still angry because I suggested an abortion.
“Olive come here.” I say, my hands in my pockets otherwise, I will
punch someone.
“Stay son, your other father still wants to spend time with you.”
Marvin stops him and curls an arm around his shoulder.
I am going to kill him.
“So you agree that Nadine was your wife?” I question this sick
bastard.
I want to wipe out that smirk on his face.
“Then let Siza go.”
He laughs. I didn’t crack a joke.
“Not a chance, lover boy.”

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Talking to him about this will drag my time, I’m going to take back
everything he stole from me.
Soon I will have all my children under one roof and Siza by my side.

160
Chapter 21
SIZA
.
.
Seeing Siyakhula after a week brings back some memories I have
been reliving every night before bed. My heart is dancing at the sight
of him. I want to tell him how Marvin is home most of the time, he
doesn’t leave my side nor let me go anywhere.
How I wish all of this was over, it’s tiring having to be away from
him and our kids.
Today, Marvin dragged me with him. I didn’t know he was taking
Olive out to a movie. He introduced me as his female friend, of course
Olive is too young to catch what is happening.
I am not okay with the bond he’s building with Marvin. Siyakhula’s
jealously will never allow it.
“Olive, I am not going to repeat myself.” Siyakhula firmly says,
glowering down at his son.
I’m praying Olive listens to him because this man will not hesitate to
raise hell to get what he wants.
Olive looks to Marvin, if only he knew how evil this man is. He takes
slow strides towards his father.
“Go get your things, we are going home.” Siyakhula instructs. Marvin
is quiet, I wish he’d stay quiet.
Olive hurries to his room. A smile finds my face. I love it when my
man wins. I wink when he looks at me, he doesn’t smile because this
lunatic is glaring at him.

“Excuse me.” Siyakhula says.

His hand brushes mine as he walks past me.
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“Welcome my son.” This old woman is Nadine’s aunt I believe.
“Wait here,” Marvin says, approaching the woman.
They exit through the sliding door, headed to the balcony. What is so
important that they have to talk about it in private?
I contemplate between going after Siyakhula and staying put. I miss
Siyakhula so much. I need to hear him say he loves me.
Marvin is too busy talking to the aunt to notice me leaving the room. I
take a left, there’s a passage and rooms on both sides. Which room
did he disappear to?
One of the door opens, it’s Siyakhula. He grabs my hand and pulls me
inside the room.
“Hi.” He says, leaning in for a kiss.
He ambushes me with a kiss that takes all my senses away. These
stolen moments make me feel like a teenager. It’s the adrenalin and
sneaking up that makes it all so sensual.
“I need to see you.” Siyakhula says, pecking my lips more than once.
“I’m meeting up with Hlelo in Maboneng.” Hlelo and I have been in
contact a lot. She reached out and has been to the house. Marvin has
no clue about it.
I tell Siyakhula the time. He won’t stop kissing me.
“I will see you later.”
“Don’t be late.” I say, pulling the door open. I have to go back before
Marvin starts looking for me.
He’s holding my hand, I don’t want him to let go. He looks like he
doesn’t want to let go.
I close the door and throw myself in his arms.
“When will this end, I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.” I
say with almost a sigh.

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He presses a kiss to my temple, “Soon. I promise, Marvin won’t see
us coming.”
I can’t wait, five years is too long a time to be away from the man you
love. I miss him more every day.
We have one last intimate moment before I go back to Marvin with a
heavy heart.
Life is not fair. How did I get myself in such a mess? Phangizitha
must be having a party in hell.
He wanted me to live in agony if I happened to survive and I am
suffering more than words can say.
Yearning for your kids and the man you love is the worst kind of pain.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

Olive is not talking to me. He has an attitude. I believe Marvin is

slowly influencing my son.
“Did you pack all your things?” I ask.
I’m driving us home, my plate is full today. I have to visit my brother
at the hospital then go meet up with Siza.
I hired a private investigator to look for the quads, so far, he’s given
me nothing. I’m starting to think he is incompetent. I wanted to meet
Siza with good news.
I can tell how tired she is. I have lost sleep thinking of ways to get her
away from Marvin even before we find the quads. Nothing has come
to mind.
“Olive.” I snap at the boy. He’s ignoring me.
“You didn’t have to do that dad.” He snaps back.

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“What are you on about?”
“Uncle Marvin and I were having a good time, but you made it seem
like he’s a bad person. I didn’t like what you did.”
I hope he’s talking to me like this because he was fed something that
is messing with his head, otherwise…
“Do you know who Marvin is?”
“Yes, mom’s husband.”
I don’t blame him, I blame his innocence.
“This shows that you have no clue what is happening. I want you too
stay away from that man, I don’t care if he’s father Christmas or your
heart donor. You will not talk to him again, is that clear?”
He grumbles, folds his arms and looks out the window. That was
insensitive of me.
“I’m sorry son,” I pat his shoulder.
I’m not going to explain further, he is convinced that Marvin is a
good man. I guess I will have to show him.

Khuzimpi is parked outside my gate when we arrive. I thought I told

him I will call him. What’s with this impatience?
The gate opens, I drive in. He’s behind me and parks next to my car.
“Go inside, I have to talk to the pastor.” I tell Olive.
He is back to not talking to me. He ignores Khuzimpi when he waves.
Where is Olive getting this attitude from?
“Khula,” we shake hands.
“This is a surprise.” It’s not, I knew he would grace my doors one
day.
“You have been avoiding me.”

164
I won’t argue that, I have been avoiding him. The man wants to see
his daughter.
“Where is my daughter?” He asks.
I was afraid of this.
“Let’s go inside.”
I suggest that we go talk inside, he accepts a glass of whiskey and
settles on one of my sofas.
I narrate the story to him, he’s listening, giving me nods and a blank
expression.
“So what’s the plan? My daughter and grandkids are not safe.”
Khuzimpi says.
“I can’t tell you, Mpi. But I promise to bring them back home.”
He won’t be able to do anything if I tell him. Marvin is too smart for
him.
He places the glass on the table, “You’re going to have to bring them
back Siyakhula. I have been away from my daughter for far too long.”
I’m thinking of taking him with me to Maboneng so he meets Siza.
“You know what, I think you too are better off apart. Your love was
cursed from the beginning.”
Or maybe not.
“Thank you for coming, Mpi. I will keep you posted.” I get on my
feet, hoping he gets the message that I want him to leave my house.
He seems a little shocked but brushes it off. I walk him out and shut
the door behind him.
.
.
SIZA

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Marvin is still talking to the aunt, I’m eager to know what they are
whispering about. It must be something big. I move closer to the
sliding door and stand behind the curtain.
“Why did you bring that woman here?” The aunt sounds so angry
with him. I guess I’m ‘her’.
“I have to keep an eye on her,” he replies.
They are trying so hard to keep their voices down.
“When are you getting rid of her? Nadine would’ve done the job had
she been alive.” This crooked witch.
“I have it under control, Siyakhula and Siza are going to pay dearly
for my wife’s death.”
I get it, they are conspiring against us.
“You focus on the quads.” Marvin continues.
My heart drops to my stomach at the mention of the quads.
Someone clicks their tongue, must be the aunt. It sounded very
dramatic.
“Those little demons are a hand full, can’t we get rid of them
already?” The aunt says.
Are the quads in her custody?
“You need to be patient, the perfect revenge takes time.” –Marvin.
I’m so close to walking out there and confronting them, but what
good will it do?
Marvin chuckles before he’s saying, “I found a buyer for the quads.
Siyakhula and Siza will never see their kids as long as I live.”

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Chapter 22
SIZA
.
.
I choose to wait for Marvin in the car, not wanting him to catch me
listening in on their conversation. My hate for him has multiplied, had
I not been afraid to take a life, I would strangle him in his sleep.
“I thought I told you to wait in the house.” Nausea rises from the
depth of my stomach as he enters the car with this complaint.
“I’m still here, it’s not like I ran away.” I retort, sounding extremely
annoyed.
“Watch your mouth, woman.” He shoots me a death stare.
“How long do I have to watch my mouth, Marvin? I’m not afraid of
you anymore, you have shown me who you are and what you are
capable of and that does not scare me. Your threats mean nothing to
me.”
He finds a cold chuckle at the back of his throat, I wait for a come
back but he disappoints.
He starts the car, and pulls out of the drive way.
“Drop me off at Maboneng, I’m meeting up with Mandisa.” I say
while texting Mandisa to brief her.
“You didn’t tell me you have plans.” Is he serious?
“I am not your wife, I don’t have to tell you anything.” I’m snapping
at this man who always finds a way to pull my tits at every chance he
gets. I can’t help it, I’m about ready to explode in anger.
“Your smart mouth is only going to get you into trouble.”
“Whatever,” I mean what’s the worst he could do? He’s ruined me
enough. “Please drop me off in Maboneng.”

167
I insist. He says nothing, which I find strange. It’s unlike him to be
speechless.
I know we are heading to Joburg when he drives past South Gate. We
arrive in Maboneng in no time.
“Where is Mandisa?” He asks, as I unbuckle the seatbelt.
Mandisa is not coming but she agreed to cover for me.
“She’s on her way.” I hang my bag on my shoulder and open the
door.
“I will wait with you then.”
Shit! This man will make me pull out all my hair.
“I’m not going to run away, Marvin or do anything stupid. You have
my sons, why would I put their lives in danger by acting stupid?”
I hate how his eyes are scanning this place. What exactly is he
looking for?
“Your presence suffocates me, Marvin. Can’t I be alone without you
keeping an eye on me? I told you, I am not going to run off.” I’m
sounding angry, it’s not even fake.
He glances over at me, a frown finding his face.
“Get out of my car.” He spits.
“Gladly.” I jump out.
He speeds off, I hope he gets into an accident and becomes brain
damaged. Death is nice a thing to wish upon him.

Hlelo is waiting for me at Pata Pata, she’s occupied a table and has
ordered drinks for us.
“What’s this?” I ask, tasting the cocktail ordered for me.
“Don’t kill me, I didn’t know what you’d want so I ordered a virgin
cocktail.”
168
That won’t do.
“I actually prefer something stronger.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Hlelo says, reading from the words I
spoke that I am troubled.
I would tell her if I was looking to stress her, I’d rather confide in
Siyakhula. Where is he anyway?

I’m slowly getting used to Hlelo, she is fun to be around. She’s filled
me in on my past life and strangely, my memory box is not working.
“Friend, where is your head?” Hlelo questions as she stops me from
looking around the place.
“I’m sorry, is it okay if we do this another time? I’m not okay.”
I’m actually worried about the quads. Why is Siyakhula not here yet?
“You can tell me anything.”
I know I can. She’s created this safe space for me, but I can’t. I need
Siyakhula here, right now before I lose my mind.
“That’s why we are friends.” I comfort her with these words and I’m
rewarded with a smile.
“Do you need to be somewhere? I can drop you off.” -Hlelo.
I need to be here, alone—waiting for the man I love.
“I’m okay, thanks for understanding.” I say.
I genuinely feel guilty for cancelling our date.
Hlelo gathers her belongings, and says her goodbyes.

I order a glass of wine and down it in one go. The waitress flashes me
a funny look when I tell her to bring me the whole bottle. The last
thing I care about is judgement from irrelevant people.

169
I’m on my third glass when Siyakhula decides to show his face, I’m
angry with him. He kept me waiting, it wasn’t a nice feeling.
“I’m sorry I’m late, I had to see Mhlauli first.” He leans closer for a
kiss but draws back before I can taste his lips.
“You’re drinking?” Like he doesn’t know I drink.
He looks disgusted as he takes in the bottle of wine on the table.
“A whole bottle Siza?”
Women need wine just like men need alcohol, but I will not mention
that.
“I wanted to numb my brain, and forget that Nadine’s aunt has our
sons.” My heart is clenching, there’s a pain slicing through it.
“How do you know?”
He’s calm—okay, he must be the type that reacts to shock differently.
“I overheard her and Marvin talking, he’s going to traffic our sons.”
This is severely stressing me out. I need some water. No, a milkshake!
And Maybe some chips.
Siyakhula pushes his chair back, drops two R200 notes on the table,
and stands, “Let’s go.”
He takes my bag, my hand and walks with me out the restaurant.
“Where are we going?”
“Eldorado park.” He says.
It’s hard for me to keep up with his long strides, I have to jog.
He opens the door for me, waits till I get in and rushes to the driver’s
side.
“What are we going to say to her when we get there? Siyakhula, what
if she refuses to tell us where they are?”
“She will tell us,” he says.

170
The assurance in his voice gives me a little hope. Could this be the
day we finally get our babies back.
My heart begins to hammer at the possibility. It’s been almost a
month since Joj was taken from me. That’s almost thirty showers.
Almost thirty nights of sleeping without my son. How is that even
possible? I miss him terribly.
A hand touches mine, he strokes the back with his thumb. I lift my
eyes to look into his before he focuses on the road.
“It’s going to be okay.” He assures me.
I wipe the tears that made me gain his attention when he should be
focused on driving.

Eldorado Park feels like a not so safe place, worry presses on to me as

he parks the car outside the gate. We can’t park inside, only the small
gate is unlocked.
Siyakhula is leading the way, marching to be precise. I fight to keep
up.
He walks through the open kitchen door, Nadine’s aunt drops a spoon
and staggers a foot back.
“Y—you?” She stammers.
I narrow my eyes, noticing her suspicious reaction.
“Who else is in the house?” Siyakhula queries.
“Wh—what ?”
“Are you home alone Veronica?”
“M—my son is around the corner. He’s with his cousin, you better
leave from here before they get here.” The stammering Lord, the
stammering.
Siyakhula turns toward the door, I’m a little confused. Are we
leaving?
171
Oh! He’s locking the door. He treads to the living room and locks that
door as well. Right now, Veronica resembles a trembling leaf.
She’s standing with her back against the kitchen counter, frightened
eyes on the livid man smashing her phone on the ground.
She screams and tears up.
“What are you doing, Siyakhula?”
I want to know what his plan is but I’m not asking.
“Where are my sons?” The interrogation begins.
Her eyes pop out as she looks up at him, “What sons? Olive is with
you.”
“Don’t play with me, woman. Where are the quads?”
“You are crazy, Siyakhula. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Veronica escapes to the sitting room, there is arrogance in her walk.
She throws herself on the couch and crosses her arms.
“Are we doing this the easy way or the hard way?” –Siyakhula asks as
he stands before her.
“I am making this clear. Under no circumstances am I telling you
where they are.” She finally gives in.
Today stubbornness will be the cause of someone’s death.
“You will tell me the truth. Today and now, you will tell this woman
where her children are.” He grips her chin, she shrieks in fear.
“Do not think I am so weak, Siyakhula. I hail from a family of
criminals.” Veronica is stupid.
That’s really nothing to boast about.
“My father was a drug lord, I faced more dangerous men on a daily
basis.” Yet she is trembling under Siyakhula’s dark gaze.
Siyakhula sits on the coffee table, so he’s at least her height.
He grabs her chin again, tilting his head a little to the side.
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“Have you seen the streak of madness that runs in my family? I’m
sure Phangizitha showed you a glimpse.”
She must know Phangizitha because her eyeballs are about to fall out.
Siyakhula opens the room divider and grabs a bottle of whiskey. I
lock my eyes with his. Really! Is this the time to drink? He opens the
bottle, and begins to empty it right around the couch Veronica is
seated on.
I have concluded what he is about to do but Veronica is still seated.
What, is she slow?
“Why are you pouring alcohol on my sofa?” She yells.
“I’m putting fire on my problems because I don’t want them to exist
anymore. Save yourself if you can.”
“Siyakhula—I will do anything. I’ll give you anything you want,
don’t do this.” Only now she decides to beg.
He stops and glares at her, “That is considerate of you. But for now, I
want the truth.” He says.
Her face hardens, the stubbornness returns.
“Which you will never get.” She sputters.
Hai kee! Siyakhula lights a match. Is he really going to do it?
“Tell him the truth Veronica, or he will burn you alive. He really does
come from a family of mad men.” I warn her.
She shouldn’t say I didn’t try to help.
Veronica huffs, and stands on the couch, “Let him do whatever he
wants. I am not afraid of empty threats.”
And—he drops the lit match. The sofa catches fire, it spreads around
the couch with her stuck in the middle.
“Oh God, he’s crazy. He’s actually burning the place down.”
Veronica screams, jumping up and down the couch.

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There is no escape for her, she’s going to turn into a BBQ today.
“Siyakhula…” I call, he doesn’t look at me. Instead, he sits on the
other couch with his legs crossed and watches Veronica screaming in
agony. Cold chills run down my spine.
“Veronica tell him, he won’t let you go.” I shout at this dumb bitch.
“Fine! I’ll tell you… just put out the fire.” She screams.
Stupid woman.

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Chapter 23
SIZA
.
.
Everything is… numb.
The sound of Veronica screaming for help… sobbing; it’s all muffled
in my ears and I’m just numb.
I faintly register the sound of her cries for help, pleading with
Siyakhula to put out the fire.
“She’s going to burn.” My voice starts off low.
Thinking he didn’t hear me, I repeat myself.
He’s smirking, gaze fixed on Veronica.
“Siyakhula, stop it. She’s going to die.” I scream, hoping he snaps
back to reality.
“I don’t think Vero is ready to tell us where the quads are. Am I right
Vero?” He is so cold.
“They are here, in Eldos. Please… don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.”
Her screams of agony are unbearable. If the smoke makes it outside,
neighbours will begin to wonder and call the police.
I feel and look desperate as I watch Siyakhula jerk to his feet with a
scowl on his face and hands on his back.
“Where in Eldos, Vero?”
“Please…” She continues to cry.
“Veronica, where are they? Tell me where my children are?” I’m
pleading for her life as well, this man will let her burn to ashes.
Veronica clenches her eyes, her body visibly shaking.

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“The shed…” it comes out in another shrill scream. “The shed behind
the house… they are in the shed.”
Lord have mercy! Siyakhula fixes his eyes on me for a brief second,
we’re thinking the same thing. They have been under our nose all this
time.
“Where is the key?” I ask hurriedly.
“Marvin is going to kill me.” She’s still wailing.
“Death by Marvin or the fire. Choose Veronica.” Siyakhula says,
calmly. “Where is the key?”
“My room, first drawer on your right.” Veronica answers.

I don’t know her room, but I take off running. It’s easy to find it.
I find the key where she said it would be. I get back to Veronica still
pleading with Siyakhula to help her while he’s watching. The sadistic,
indifferent look on his face makes my skin crawl. Can a man be so
emotional while watching someone in agony?
“I found it, let’s go.” I tell him.
He snatches the key from me and starts to run toward the door.
“Siyakhula get her out.”
He stops and looks at me like I have lost my mind.
“Not until I see my children.”
I can’t recognise his voice anymore.
“She’ll be dead by the time we get back. You will not have blood in
your hands, do you hear me?” I mean it.
What is he thinking?
Siyakhula huffs, clearly annoyed by my outbursts. He grabs the couch
cover and starts putting out the fire, he doesn’t wait for it to

176
completely die but grabs Veronica’s hand and pulls her away from the
flaming couch. She collapses on his chest, coughing and trembling.
My mouth gapes as he pushes her off that she tumbles to the ground.
Yeah neh! This man continues to amaze me.

I quickly open the door before we suffocate to death.

“You are coming with us.” He says, pulling her up with her arm.
Veronica raises her eyes. If she could kill Siyakhula, she would do it
without any hesitation.
I’m leading the way to the so called shed. The outside is empty,
thankfully.
“It’s that one.” A crying Veronica points at a wooden storage house
situated far from the house.
“Oh my God!” I gasp seeing the chain and big padlock on the door.
My hands are trembling as I struggle to unlock it.
Loud cries ring in my ears, they are mine. I’m having a hard time
unlocking the door, all I can think about is if my babies are still alive.
“Joj!!! Joj, it’s mommy. Hang in there buddy.” Why can’t I open this
damn door?
“The key is not working, Siyakhula, it’s not working.” I shout, terror
dominating over my voice.
“Siza, let me do it.” He takes the key, caressing my hand in the
process. I stand back, my heart thudding terribly in my chest.
“Why is it quiet in there?” My voice trembles.
The door finally unlocks, Siyakhula kicks it open. A foul smell hits
my nostrils, I want to run in there with him but I can’t seem to move.
All I can do is stand in this shocked position. The shed is dark, I can
barely see a thing.

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“Joj, Joj.” My heart drops as I hear Siyakhula desperately calling our
son’s name. My head is entertaining the worst.
In a second, he’s running out carrying two unconscious little boys.
Call an ambulance.” He orders, placing them on the ground and
without looking at me runs back inside.
I drop to my knees, in front of the little boys and press a hand to their
pulse points. There’s a pulse.
“Call an ambulance.” Siyakhula repeats the order as he appears with
two more unconscious boys.

They are all dressed differently, they look like they have been bathing
in dirt and their bodies deprived of food. They look so alike, I can’t
tell which one is Joj.
My hands are trembling, not letting me dial the ambulance.
“Are they okay?” I ask.
He’s giving them CPR.
“I don’t know,” he sounds mad as hell.
.
.
.
The quads are under observation. They were out due to starvation,
also the shed they were locked in provided little oxygen.
We requested that they be put in one hospital room. I recognised Joj
when I walked in, hours after the doctors were busy with them; he
shouted mom and began sobbing.
My heart shattered to pieces hearing my baby cry. The other three
have been wearing these confused, terrified expressions. It’s
understandable, we are strangers.

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I haven’t spoken to them, I feel like I failed them. I’m too ashamed to
utter a word. Where will I begin?
Siyakhula has been doing all the talking, he’s currently feeding one of
them. The other two, including Joj have eaten.
Siyakhula and I exchange glances, there is something on his chest, it’s
so easy to tell. But it doesn’t look like he is ready to talk about it.
“Are you full?” Siyakhula asks the boy who nods in agreement. He
cleaned the plate.
“That’s a good boy.” He brushes his head.
“Mom, why do they look like me? Are they my brothers?” I’m taken
aback by Joj’s question. Siyakhula looks at me, his chest rises and
tears pool behind his pupils. He drops his head before looking away.
“Yes, buddy. They are your siblings.”
Am I even saying this right?
“But why do they have funny names?” Joj again.
I glance over at Siyakhula, he has the same expression of confusion.
“They do?” I look at my sons, can they speak? I haven’t heard them
speak.
Joj nods, “Yes, that’s One.”
He is pointing at the boy Siyakhula was feeding, his finger moves a
little to the right as he continues to speak.
“That’s Two, and Three. The strange lady called me Four even when I
told her that my name is Joj.” -Joj.
My eyes are on Siyakhula, I take note of his clenched jaw and rising
chest. The regret in his eyes, I think he’s about to cry. He stands and
storms out of the room.

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Marvin has to pay for this, I swear he’s going to pay along with
Veronica and everyone who was involved.
That witch Veronica is in police custody.
“Mom, can I sit with Three?” Joj says.
He leaves the bed and joins Three on his bed, I want to scream and
shout as I watch the other two squeezing themselves on the same bed
as well. What did they do to my babies?
The door opens, it’s the doctor. He smiles as our eyes meet.
“Mrs…”
“Call me Siza.” I interrupt, his smile broadens.
“Siza, we’re going to keep the boys here for two more days. We need
to do more tests to make sure everything is fine.”
“I was hoping to take them home today.”
He shakes his head, “I know. But this is for their wellbeing. Also, the
three boys have not been exposed to the light much longer. We need
to look into that as well, it’s crucial we keep them in a room with less
lighting.”
He goes on to tell me more of what they have to check.
I get how Siyakhula feels, I feel it too. It’s so hard to breathe. Mostly,
I’m regretful and ashamed of myself for failing to protect my babies.
The doctor makes small talk with the boys, before leaving. Siyakhula
walks back in, his eyes are red. I knew he was crying. There’s a man
with him, he’s looking at me with tears in his eyes.
He looks familiar.
“Gundi?” He chokes on a sob. “My baby.”
Is he my father?
“This is Khuzimpi Gumede, he’s your father.”

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Chapter 24
MARVIN
.
.
Siza has managed to outsmart him, he didn’t see it coming. Keeping
the quads in a shed in Veronica’s backyard was a good plan because,
who would suspect that there are children inside a storage house?
Siyakhula and Siza turned out to be smart and played him in his own
game.
He’s out of his mind with anger and baying for blood.
Phangizitha will have his revenge come rain or high waters.
The police are not his favourite people, the sight of prison makes his
blood run cold. However, he needs to be here. Veronica used her first
and last call to inform him that she’s been arrested.

She walks through the door of the visitor’s room, hands cuffed.
Marvin stands, if he could, he would shoot her dead right now.
The prison guard uncuffs Veronica and takes her position by the door.
“I didn’t think you would come,” says Veronica, sliding herself on a
chair.
The frown on Marvin’s face remains strong.
“You have failed me, Veronica.”
“Siyakhula wanted to burn me alive, I had to tell him.” She keeps her
voice down.
“He was bluffing.” Marvin snaps, then composes himself.

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Veronica leans in, “You didn’t see him. If Siza was not there, he was
going to kill me.”
Marvin rolls his eyes, irked by the excuses.
“There is no way Siyakhula would have burnt you alive, he doesn’t
have it in him. I am disappointed in you, Veronica. You should have
died in that fire.”
“Get me out of here, Marvin. I can’t afford a lawyer, my son needs
me.” She sounds desperate.
Marvin scoffs because this is so funny to him.
“This is your new home Veronica, forget you know me.” He pulls
himself up, fixing his pants in the process. Veronica’s bulging eyes
follow him.
“I will sing if you don’t get me out.” Now that’s a threat he can’t
overlook. He sits back down, face turning stone cold.
“Don’t be a bitch, it doesn’t suit you.” The corner of his mouth
twitches. “Actually, I take that back.”
His laugh is humourless. Veronica does not care about it, she wants to
go home.
“I’m not spending another night in here, Marvin. Either get me out or
we are going down together.”
On second thought, this is funnier. Marvin can’t stop laughing, his
eyes water as he laughs as if it’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard.
He stands, places his hands on the table and hunches over so he’s
facing Veronica.
“Accidents happen in prison, be careful sweetie.” He pats her cheek, it
hurts that she winces in pain.
Veronica watches as he walks out, patting the guard’s shoulder on his
way out.
Fear engulfs her entire being.

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.
.
SIYAKHULA

My brother is making progress. It’s about time he comes back to us.

His doctor called with news that Mlhlauli wants to see me. I left Siza
with her father and drove straight to the hospital. He smiles seeing me
walk through the door.
“I woke up to an empty room. You don’t love me anymore.” He’s
sulking.
“Please, I sleep here. Siza hardly sees me because someone decided to
get himself shot.” I shake his hand, and hand him the flowers I
brought.
“I don’t like roses.” He smells and puts them aside.
I pull a chair to sit, “I will get you thorns next time.”
He gasps, hand to his chest.
“You’re going to make me cry. Make it two bouquets.”
I missed him, it’s crazy. It took time for him to come back to us. It’s
good to see him back to himself.
“How are you?”
He shrugs, “Okay, I guess. You look good, where is Siza? Did you
find the quads?”
“Siza is fine and yes, we found the quads. Turns out Nadine’s aunt
had them locked up in a shed in her back yard. She was working hand
in hand with Marvin.”
“That bitch, I knew there was something about Nadine. How did we
miss it, though?” He says.

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Nadine was good at pretending, that’s how we missed it.
Mhlauli shuffles on the bed till he’s seated.
“You finally have your family back. I’m happy for you bhuti.”
“It still feels like a dream, you know. Anyway, it’s too soon to
celebrate. Marvin is still out there.”
That fool is working overtime to avoid me, I’m going to find him and
make him pay for everything.
“Marvin is a smooth criminal, he knows how to play this game.”
Mhlauli says.
“Well two can play that game, I’m going to beat him at his own
game.”
I don’t know how, but Marvin is not getting away this time.
“Did you know he was friends with Phangizitha? They planned this
whole revenge together.”
“I have never seen him in my life. I never paid attention to Phangi’s
friends. I have to give it to him, he outdid himself.” Mhlauli laughs at
his exclamation.
I can’t share in the joke. Phangizitha ruined my life.
“There is a thin line between love and insanity. Phangizitha was
crazy. He ruined so many people’s lives in the name of revenge and
wanting to be the last man standing. Siza and I lost five years, our
kids were taken away from us. My babies named after numbers and
treated like dogs. I will never forgive him for that.”
If it was humanly possible, I would bring him back to life and kill him
myself.
“He wanted to win even in death,” Mhlauli says, staring into space.
“Men like Phangi would rather die by their own hands than be killed
or taken to prison and unfortunately, that’s what he did. He killed

184
himself and thought he was taking Siza with. I should have seen the
signs bhuti, our brother needed help.”-Mhlauli.
I am not going to let him blame himself.
“Phangizitha was a grown man. I don’t think there was anything
wrong in his head. He was a narcissistic, sociopath.” I proclaim.
He says nothing.
I don’t want to talk about Phangizitha anymore.
“Have you spoken to your father?” I ask.
I haven’t heard from Mlamuli in a while.
“No, I thought he’d come with you.”
“I don’t even know where that old man is. I came here with Olive,
he’s in the cafeteria.”
“How is he?” Mhlauli questions.
“He misses his mom, and acting like any teenager would after losing a
loved one. Marvin tried to get to him, he wanted to turn my son
against me.”
How devoted was Marvin to Phangizitha? His quest to see his revenge
through is insane.
“Find him and kill him.” My brother is back.
“I’m on it. One thing is for sure, Marvin is watching my every move.
There is no way he doesn’t know I have my children with me.”
“Well, we have to keep our eyes open. One mistake and we will be
back to square one.”
I know.
“Nadine was working with Marvin, I made her confess everything
before I killed her. I hate traitors.” He randomly says with no remorse
in his voice.
“You killed my mother?” Olive’s voice catches us by surprise.
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When did he get here?
“Olive?” I stand, he runs out in a fit of rage.
“Shame, he’ll be strong.” Mhlauli says, unbothered.
I have to go after that boy before he does something stupid.

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Chapter 25
SIZA
.
.
The number of visitors we received today is overwhelming. My father
introduced me to his wife, and their son. I met my sisters who look
almost the same age as my father’s wife.
God has favourites when it comes to this ageing thing. My father
seems happy with his wife, his love for her is written all over his face.
Seeing them together made me miss Siyakhula.
Siyakhula has not come back yet, I have been waiting for his call. A
text message would be nice too, just to let me know where he is and if
he has heard anything from Marvin.

I blocked Marvin’s number, he must be going crazy out of his mind

wherever he is. There is no turning back for me and the kids, we are
finally free from Phangizitha’s revenge.
I have requested to stay with my children throughout the night. I don’t
want to leave them alone. I yearn for the day I will take them home,
my home with Siyakhula.
“We’re leaving, Gundi.” My father says. “I will come and see you
tomorrow.”
I’m glad they are leaving, I have been craving alone time since…
I accept his hug, “The kids are going to be okay.
“I know they are going to be okay, I want it to be now though.” I
confess to my father.
“You’re a strong woman Siza, you will overcome.”
I have to overcome, it is a matter of life and death.

187
“Let us pray for the kids before I leave.
He stretches a hand toward the kids and breaks into prayer.
It feels good to have people by my side.
My father promises to bring pictures of me from when I was a baby,
he thinks they will help me remember.

I’m alone again, the quads have been sleeping for hours.
It's getting late, Siyakhula should be here already.
I check the time on my phone, only to come across a text. It was sent
more than thirty minutes ago.
It's from a number I don’t recognize. I open it without putting much
thought into it.
“It’s not over until I say it’s over.” That’s what the text says. It’s
Marvin, there is no doubt.
I have to tell Siyakhula about this.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

I can’t find Olive, his phone rings unanswered. It’s about time I cut
off his allowance. We’ll see how he moves around without money.
Siza called, wanting to see me. She sounded upset over the phone, I
know it’s because I have been away almost the whole day.
The man I appointed to keep watch on the door nods as he sees me
approaching. I had to get Siza and the quads protected.

188
I walk in with an apology ready to roll off my tongue. She looks at
me, a frown playing on her face.
“Hey.”
She grimaces and says nothing.
“I’m sorry, Gundi. Olive is missing, I was out looking for him.”
The frown on her face is quickly replaced with a look of worry. ,
“What happened?”
“He overheard Mhlauli confessing to killing Nadine.”
“Where do you think he could be?” Siza asks, welcoming me with a
hug.
If I knew where Olive could be, I would have found him by now.
“I asked his friends to keep a lookout, he’s probably hiding
somewhere he knows I won’t find him.”
“I hope he’s okay, the last thing we need is to add to our worries.”
She’s right. I wish Olive could be selfless for once, I understand he
lost his mother and is in so much pain. But how am I going to help
him heal when he won’t let me?
“Any updates on Marvin?” Her question is valid, I did promise to
look after them.
“I tried to call the number he used to text you, it doesn’t exist. He
must’ve had disposed of the sim card after sending the message.” I
reply.
Worry covers her face, “Please find him. He won’t rest until we’re all
dead. I am not going to lose my babies again.”
“Marvin is powerless without you, and the kids. You are the weapon
he needs to destroy us. Without you, he’s has nothing to stand on.” I
comfort her with these words as I take her hand in mine.
Marvin knows he has lost the battle.

189
Siza averts her gaze to the sleeping boys, regret is evident on her face.
I know she wishes she could’ve done something to protect them, I feel
the same. However, there are things we cannot control in life.
“How are they?” I ask.
“The doctor said they will be fine. They insisted on sleeping in one
bed, I think they are fond of Joj. He’s like their protector.” She says.
We have to name them once all of this is over.

My voice rings, it’s MaMbatha. I leave the room to answer the call.
“Mah!”
“Have you spoken to your father?”
“No, is he okay?”
“He hasn’t been home in days, his phone is off. It’s not like him to go
days without talking to me or MaKhuzwayo.”
MaMbatha is right, it’s so unlike Mlamuli to disappear on his family.
“I will try calling him, if he doesn’t pitch in the next twenty four
hours, we have to report him missing.” I hate having to tell my mother
such sad news .
“Your father is fine, Siyakhula. Don’t talk like that.” She rebukes me.
“I’m sorry mah, let me call him.” I say my goodbyes and cut the call.

Sighing, I walk back into the hospital room. The quads are still
sleeping.
“I need to go.” I regretfully tell Siza, she hates it when I leave her
alone.
“Where to?”

190
“My mother is worried about Mlamuli, she thinks he’s missing. I have
to look for him and Olive.”
“Go, I will be here when you decide to come back.” Siza says.
I get a feeling that she’s upset.
“I will sleep here, with you guys tonight. I promise.” I declare.
She waves me off, accompanying it with a sigh.
“I love you, I’ll see you later.”
“I love you more,” she whispers, looking at me with shining eyes. “I
hope you find Olive.”
I hope so too, that boy is slowly driving me insane. Olive’s
disappearance is understandable. What excuse does my father have?
Old people don’t just disappear. What if something has happened to
him? What will I tell MaMbatha? She won’t survive without him, the
woman has loved that man almost all her life.
.
.
I have driven around the neighbourhood searching for Olive, his
phone is still off. Mlamuli’s phone as well.
I decide to drive back to the hospital where Mhlauli is. I find him in
the presence of Siza’s friend, they are in an uncompromising position.
Kissing as if this is not a public place.
I didn’t know they were seeing each other.
“Should I come back later?”
Only when I speak do they acknowledge my presence.
“Hey, come in.” Mhlauli exclaims, wiping off the remnants of Hlelo’s
saliva on his lips.
“I was leaving.” She kisses him, and rushes out.

191
“You let girls kiss you in front of your big brother?” I don’t think I
am okay with their relationship, if it is a relationship.
Mhlauli responds by laughing, “I didn’t think you would come back.
Is everything okay?”
Nothing is okay.
“I can’t find Olive, it’s going to be dark soon. I’m worried about him.
What if he’s done something stupid? My biggest fear is losing a child.
“Olive is old, he can take care of himself. I’m sure if something has
happened to him, you would know by now.”
How do I believe Mhlauli’s words when my heart is telling me
something else instead.
“He’s a child, and he’s probably hurting because his mother was
killed by his uncle.” I tell this indifferent brother of mine.

The sudden knock on the door reveals a police man, behind him is
Olive. His eyes are puffy and red rimmed, he’s been crying.
“Olive, do you know how worried I have been?” I reprimand him.
He keeps his head low.
“Is this your son?” The police man says.
“Yes, is there a problem?” I hope Olive wasn’t out stealing or causing
trouble.
“Your son claims he overheard his uncle saying he killed his mother.”
The officer says.
I can’t believe Olive ran to the police with this.

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Chapter 26
SIYAKHULA
.
.
“There’s a misunderstanding officer, my son just lost his mother. He’s
confused.” I say to the policeman, my stern gaze fixed on Olive.
“I need to question the uncle, this is a serious accusation.” The
policeman says.
“My brother is not well, as you can see. Even the doctor would advise
against this.”
“I won’t be long,” he pulls out a mini note pad from his pocket.
Olive better withdraw his statement now.
The officer approaches an unbothered Mhlauli, I know my brother, he
won’t deny the accusation.
While he is interrogating Mhlauli, I pull Olive aside.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“He killed my mother, I had to do it.”
“Olive, uncle Mhlauli is family. He would never intentionally hurt
you, you need to withdraw your statement. Tell the policeman you
don’t know what came over you.”
Tears stream down his face, “But dad, I heard him confessing.”
“You heard wrong, that’s what happens when you eavesdrop. If your
uncle goes to jail, he will be killed by other prisoners. His death will
break our family apart, grandma and grandpa will never be the same.
Is that what you want?”
I have to blackmail him emotionally, I can’t let my brother go to jail.

193
“Do it now.” I push.
He hesitates, but walks up to the officer.
“I lied, I’m sorry officer. My uncle is innocent.”
The policeman gives him a peculiar look, he does not believe him.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I want to withdraw my statement.” Olive says.
The policeman clicks his tongue, “I’m a public servant. Respect my
time next time.”
And with that, he walks out.
I hold my son in a brief hug, “Well done son. Family doesn’t turn on
each other.”
He’s looking at Mhlauli, my brother is not ready to say anything. He
closes his eyes, and pretends to be sleeping.
“He’s tired, let me buy you lunch.” I usher Olive out.
That was a close call.
.
.
SIZA

Today is the first day we are returning home after finding the quads.
I’m returning as a mother and someone’s life partner. Ever since our
family has been complete, the fear of losing them suffocates me,
sending a stab of pain through my heart.
Although in my memory, we have been together for a short time, I
can see now I never really understood what love is. Not with Marvin.
Not with my friends. Not until I became Siyakhula’s someone to love.

194
“I think you should move in with us, you know, until Siyakhula pays
lobola.” My father is trying to depress me.
I have been away from Siyakhula for five years, he’s been away from
me and the kids for five years. I am not about to torture my man
further.
“I think it’s best the boys are closer to their father. Siyakhula seems to
understand them better.” This is my way of rejecting his offer.
“You and the boys are not alone, we’ll take care of you.”
I don’t expect him to understand, he lives with the love of his life.
“Let me have a word with Siyakhula.” I give him hope that I might be
moving in. I won’t.
“If you think that is best, then go ahead. I just think you don’t need
his approval, you two are not married.”
What is this?
I let out a light laugh, I am not going to say anything. We’ll end up
fighting if I do.
I still don’t have memories of this man, he is like a stranger to me.
Staying with him will be awkward for me. I need to feel comfortable
with people I’m around.

I’m done packing the boys’ clothes, Siyakhula has gone to sign their
discharge papers. I can’t wait to start our lives together.
“Mom, can we go home now?” Joj is impatient.
“We will buddy, soon.”
My father smiles at him, as he brushes his head.
“Don’t you boys want to stay with grandpa?” My father says.

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Really? We haven’t told the boys that Siyakhula and I are their
parents. Joj still thinks he’s his uncle. My dad is forward, I don’t
know what he is trying to prove.
The boys are looking at him, confused and all. I wish he would stay
out of my business until we sort our family.
“They don’t know who you are, I think we should not reveal anything
until we have a talk with them.” I say.
He does not look happy with my suggestion. Whatever! I’m
protecting my children’s mental health.
I help the boys off the bed, I want to go before my father starts
revealing things. There is a way to tell them.
“I’m sorry Gundi, I forgot.” He says.
The door swings open, Siyakhula is back. He takes the overnight bag
from the bed.
“Ready?”
“Yes, we are ready.” I reply, sending him a faint smile.
“I’m coming with,” says my father.
“No problem.” Siyakhula replies.
“I think Siza and the boys should stay with me for now, you two are
not married yet. She should be at her father’s house.”
Sigh!
What did I tell this father?
Siyakhula’s face completely changes, I’m praying he doesn’t say
anything in return.
I’m relieved when he scoops one of the boys and heads for the door.
My father carries one as well, I’m left with walking hand in hand with
Joj and the other quad.

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We go in separate cars, in a way, I am glad Khuzimpi is not driving
with us. His meddling is driving me to the brink of insanity.
Siyakhula refrains from talking on the way home. He’s upset, at least
he looks upset. I know it has everything to do with what my father
said, I don’t want to upset him further, so I keep my mouth shut.

A hurricane of emotions swirl through me as Siyakhula drives

through the gate. We have arrived, and the thought of starting over
with him makes me nervous.
A whole bunch of what ifs are currently tormenting me. God knows I
want us to work.
It’s midday, which gives us more time to spend with the boys.
“We should sit them down and tell them the truth.” I suggest to
Siyakhula as I stand in the doorway of their bedroom.
Siyakhula had it transformed into a bedroom fit for little boys. The
Toy Story theme makes it look more like a playroom than a bedroom.
There are two built-in bunk beds, educational toys displayed on the
shelves and toys neatly scattered around.
“We will, just give them time to adjust to the new environment. I
don’t want to overwhelm them.” -Siyakhula.

“You can sleep on this bed, I will sleep here.” Joj says to one of his
brothers, patting the bed he’s chosen.
The seem to be settling in pretty good.
“Have you thought of names?” Siyakhula asks, hand lovingly gliding
to the small of my back.
“Not yet.” I have nothing in mind. “Joj was named by Marvin, I was
told that’s his name when I woke up from the comma.”

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“Well, I think it would be fair if you named your own children. You
are their mother.” He kisses my temple, making me shiver.
“I want us to name them together.”
I hope he’s got ideas, I am clueless honestly.
“I think Joj should keep his name, he is used to it,”- Siyakhula.
I doubt Joj will like changing his name.
“We’re changing his name, the same way we are changing his
surname.” –Siyakhula insists.
I won’t argue with that.
The commotion in the room is a sight to watch, they are fascinated by
the toys and colours. I watch with a smile in my heart as Joj helps
them familiarize with everything.

I turn to Siyakhula, there’s a proud expression on his face. I lay my

head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around his waist.
“Thank you for making this happen for me.” I say.
Not in a million years did I think my life would be this peaceful.
Although Marvin is still out there, I know Siyakhula has everything
under control. I trust him with my life and the life of our children.
“I’m the one who should be singing your praises, Siza. You gave me a
family I never thought I could ever have. My life is complete because
of you.” He goes above and beyond to remind me that I am loved
even when I don’t feel like it.
Looking at him now, I still don’t feel worthy of his love. Maybe I was
trampled for way too long.
“You are a good man, Siyakhula Donda.” He’s too good.
He takes his eyes from the boys to me, his warm hand slides into mine
and tingles run up my spine.

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“It’s amazing how we made so much progress in a short amount of
time, I hope we never get to see it undone. We are moving forward
from hereon.” He says, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“We are going to be okay.” I tell him, curtly and accept the incoming
kiss.

We pull away at the sound of giggles, the quads seem to be having

fun at our expense.
“Hey, what’s funny?” Siyakhula joins them in the room, the first boy
he grabs falls into a fit of giggles as he tickles the life out of him.
I watch him playing with our sons, I’m so in love with how he’s
bonding with them.
He hasn’t spoken about the pregnancy scare, I am not pregnant by the
way.
My father is staying the night, I hope his wife won’t have a problem.
.
.
MHLAULI

He feels he is strong enough to be discharged from the hospital, since

the doctors disagree with him, he’s taken matters into his own hands.
The only person that won’t chide him has arrived, she left in a hurry
when he called and asked her to come over. She’s brought changing
clothes plus his car.
The make it out of the hospital room, dodging nurses is easy as ABC,
Hlelo is beside him.
They make it to the parking lot where his car is parked.

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Mhlauli takes the wheel, he doesn’t want to take Hlelo with him. But
she’s here and there is no time to drop her off.

“Tell me you found my father.” He speaks on the phone.

“Yes, I will send you the location.” The man over the phone replies.
Mhlauli drops the call as he gets the assurance. Not a second later, his
phone buzzes. It’s the location he’s been promised.
“My father is in Joburg?” He thinks out loud.
Mhlauli dials Siyakhula’s number, it’s late, Siyakhula must be with
his family right now. But it’s important they meet Mlamuli together.
Siyakhula doesn’t answer his call, he leaves a message instead.
He arrives at the place, it’s a club in Hillbrow.
The little town is buzzing with people and cars.
“Wait here and lock the doors.” He tells Hlelo as he exits.
His wound has not healed that well, but he chooses to take the risk.
Mlamuli’s disappearance is rather suspicious and he intends to find
the reason behind it.
He enters the club, the music blasting is torture to his ears? Who the
hell created amapiano?
The bouncer at the door gives him a faint nod, and lets him in.
Mhlauli stops midway, he has spotted his father seated at one of the
tables. Marvin Bora is with him.
Mhlauli hates not knowing anything and this is one of those moments.
“What are you up to father?” He mutters to himself.

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Chapter 27
SIZA
.
.

“Where are you going?”

Siyakhula is sitting on the edge of the bed, tying his shoe laces.
I don’t like this sneaking up at night, it spells danger.
“My brother called, he found Mlamuli. Apparently, he’s having
drinks with Marvin.” He says without looking at me.
Mhlauli is dark and I don’t mean his skin, his soul is dark. Why
would you call a man with kids to meet up at this time of the night?
I sit up, I don’t want him to go tonight.
“Siyakhula, remember what happened to you the last time you and
Mhlauli were together?”
He stands, giving me a confused stare.
Do I have to spell it out? His wound has not healed yet, but he seems
to have forgotten.
“What if you don’t survive a bullet this time around?”
“That’s not going to happen, my brother is with me.”
Yeah, no! I still don’t buy it.
“Marvin always has something up his sleeve. Why was it so easy for
Mhlauli to find him? Your brother has been at the hospital till date, all
of a sudden he’s found the man you have been looking for? Does that
not sound like a trap to you?”
Siyakhula rubs his face, I’m getting under his skin.

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“No! It sounds like carelessness. I mean, why would my father want
to be caught talking with the man who almost killed both his sons?”
“Your father might not know, but Marvin knows that you’ve found
him.” I lived with that man for five years. I know how his head works,
he’s got demons giving him tips on how to destroy lives and dodge
his enemies.

Siyakhula throws in a knitted sweater and a bomber jacket on top, my

head feels heavy when he throws a cap on..
I know a “I’m about to go to war” outfit and that’s exactly what I’m
looking at.
“Babe,” I climb off the bed and stand in front of him. “Please, call
Mhlauli and tell him to turn back. He can come here and you guys can
plan this properly.”
“This is our chance to nab Marvin, what if we never get another
chance?” His stubbornness is getting on my nerves.
“Fine!” I step away from his arms. “Do whatever you want, it’s not
like you ever listen to me. But do me a favour when you are out there,
don’t forget you have kids who need a father. I don’t want my sons to
bury their father, they have been through enough.”
His mouth stretches into a smile, “I promise, I won’t get myself
killed.”
He encircles his arms around me and drowns me in a kiss. It doesn’t
remove my worries, I can’t deal with this.
“If you get yourself killed, I will not come to your funeral. Your sons
will never know that you were their father, I will take the secret to my
grave.” I cross my fingers to show him how serious I am.
He still thinks it’s something to laugh about.
“In that case, I will come back home alive. Scout’s honour.” He
places a kiss on my cheek and turns to walk out.
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Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
“Don’t forget to kiss the boys goodbye.” I say after him.
He stops in the door way and turns back to me, a ghost of a smile
lingering on his face.
“I love you.” He says.

A wave of nostalgia hits me, it doesn’t give me time to blink, but I’m
seeing flashes of Siyakhula and me in a car surrounded by angry men.
They are dragging him out of the car, and I’m screaming for them to
let him go.
A splitting headache hits me as the event flashes before my lashes.
The pain. The screams… My heart shattering to pieces and
Siyakhula’s desperate look as he worried about me while the men
pounded him like he was nothing.
Then in the same vision, I see Phangizitha standing behind me.
Lord, I remember what happened the day Siyakhula and I were
separated.

“Siza…” I hear Siyakhula’s voice, it quickly pulls me out of the

terrible memory and into his arms.
They enfold around me, I let myself go in the tight embrace. I hate
crying, but I’m struggling to push back a single tear.
“How did you survive that day? I thought they were going to kill
you.” I say.
His arms gradually loosen around me, I hold him tighter.
“Siza?” His voice is a whisper in my ear.
“Phangizitha sent those men to kill you, he wanted you dead.” I’m
bawling, which is wrong.
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“He didn’t succeed, I’m here. We’re together.” He eventually gets me.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Siyakhula.” I cup his face. “I’m
sorry I put you through all that, I should have told you that he was
stalking me. I should have…”
A lone tear escapes his eye, I wipe it off. I can’t stand to see tears in
his eyes.
“The physical pain was nothing compared to the pain of losing you,
Siza. I didn’t know where you were, or what he was going to do with
you. I almost lost my mind looki…”
I push the rest of his words back with a kiss to his lips, he sniffs—
more tears evading his cheeks. His hands are rubbing gentle circles on
my back as he deepens the kiss.
He’s kissing me like it’s the first and last time.
“I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re going to lose me.” I express,
pressing my forehead on his.
“Same, promise you will never let anything happen to you.” He states
under his breath.
I make the promise and lean up for another kiss.
My heart is in shreds as I watch him leave.
God bring him back alive.
.
.

SIYAKHULA

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Mhlauli is prone to trouble. His number one problem is that he does
not listen to anyone. Till date, I have no knowledge of his dark life.
The things he does when no one is looking.
We are close, I have never been close to anyone the way I am with
him, but he still has this side to him I can never uncover.
He keeps me out of it. I suspect he’s killed before and probably for
fun or just to show his enemies that he is more superior.
At this point, I have given up telling him what to do. He shouldn’t
have discharged himself from the hospital. That man woke up a week
ago, yet he is out there chasing men like Marvin.
I’m driving like a maniac and dodging traffic lights, if traffic cops see
me, I will get a ticket, no doubt.
I see my brother’s car parked in the parking lot, I hope he’s inside the
car. The last thing I want is for Marvin to see him, he still thinks he’s
dead.
I find a parking spot and dash out the car. Mhlauli’s car door opens,
he jumps out.
“You’re late.” He expresses.
“Where is he?” I answer with a question.
“In there, I kept a low profile.”
“Should we go in, or wait for them to come out?” I question.
“I say we start shooting,” he pulls out a gun.
I cannot for the life of me believe this man.
“Put that way, there are people around.” This is Hillbrow, the town
that never sleeps.
“Why is your father meeting up with the enemy, bhuti? I’m going to
kill him, I will explain to our mother after the funeral.” Mhlauli
grunts.

205
He cocks the gun and starts to tread towards the entrance. He is going
to get himself killed.
“Mhlauli wait!”
Just as I call, my father and Marvin walk out the club. They stop in
their tracks, Mlamuli looks like he is about to have a heart attack
while Marvin has his widened eyes on Mhlauli.
I pull out my gun and aim, I’m not taking the risk of getting myself or
my brother shot.
“Son?” Mlamuli’s surprised voice has me thinking he was up to no
good.
“What are you doing with him?” I ask.
“We were having a business meeting.”- Mlamuli.
Mhlauli chuckles, incredulously.
“Let me get this straight, you are doing business with this piece of shit
who almost killed your sons?” My brother questions.
“Mhlauli, you should be at the hospital. Why…”
“Don’t patronize me baba. Explain this shit I’m looking at.” Mhlauli
barks. His gun pointed at our father.
“Mr. Donda, your little boy is alive?” The audacity Marvin has…
A gunshot stops my train of thought. I’m baffled as I watch Marvin
on the floor, groaning in pain.
Mhlauli shot him on his knee.
“You shot me, you motherfu…”
Mhlauli cuts in, “Swear at my mother and you will be on your way to
hell before you say your last prayer.”
He's nearing his victim.

206
My ears were blocked by the ear-splitting gunshot, that’s probably
why I didn’t hear the screams and see the commotion around us.
By standers are running for safety. This is Hillbrow, there is nothing
abnormal about gunshots.
“Son, why did you shoot him?”-Mlamuli.
“He called me a boy.”
Wow! Now I know never to step on his toes.
“Now help him to my car.” Mhlauli orders our father.
Mlamuli is hesitant, he’s acting confused when there is nothing
confusing here.
“There’s no time, Mlamuli. Get him to the car.” I add, not knowing
what Mhlauli has in mind.
All I know is that I have to go home alive, not in a body bag.
“Are you doing it or not? I don’t mind shooting my own father, I hate
traitors.” My brother articulates.
“Fine,” our old man turns to Marvin. “You both are going to regret
this. Wait till your mother hears about this.”
I don’t think he will ever let her know about any of this.

We take my car, it’s bigger. I’m driving, with my father sitting on the
passenger’s seat. Mhlauli and Marvin are in the back seat. I will have
to get the car cleaned before I get home.
“Tell your clowns to let me go, Mr. Donda.” A seething Marvin
commands. I hear my brother chuckle coldly.
“You are not going anywhere, saani.” Mhlauli says.
I steal a glance, my father is sweating under his skin. He looks like he
wants to run.
“What’s wrong with you?” I pop the question.
207
“No- nothing.” He stammers, swiping the sweat off his forehead.
“What were you doing with Marvin, dad?” Maybe he has a good
explanation.
He keeps quiet, I repeat the question and still get no answer from him.
Mhlauli seems to have figured it out, he’s dead with laughter.
“Should I tell him Mr. Donda, or will you?” Says Marvin, his tone
carrying a threat of some sort.
I look through the rear view mirror, he winks and blows me a kiss.
In a split second, Mhlauli has hit him with a gun on his head.
Instead of groaning in pain, Marvin bursts out with laughter.
“I’m going to enjoy destroying this little family.” Marvin says, and
continues his laughing escapade.
“Marvin shut up.” My father yells.
“No, don’t shut up Marvin. I want to know why you two were
together.” I say.
“Take me home son, I will explain everything there.” –Mlamuli.
“Home where you will lie to him again?” Marvin retorts.
I’m confused.
“Lie to me about what?”
Mlamuli turns back to Marvin, “Will you stop trying to instigate my
son against me.”
“Mlamuli shut the hell up,” he has me shouting at him. “I want to hear
what this piece of shit has to say.”
Marvin cracks another annoying laugh.
“Good for you, Khula. I applaud you for standing up to yourself,
considering your father has been controlling your life since you were
a little boy.” Marvin.

208
“Voetsek, msunu.” Snaps my brother. “If you continue speaking
gibberish, I will put a bullet through your skull. Start making sense.”
Marvin smirks, I know he’s pretending to be strong when he’s clearly
in pain.
“The first time you met Nadine was not fate, your dear papa sent her
to you. He was always watching you like a hawk.” Marvin says.
I look at Mlamuli, he’s looking out the window. I can’t tell what he’s
feeling.
“Continue.” I say.
“Nadine was one of your father’s side chicks. She was under your
father’s instructions to help you adjust to the Joburg life. But Nadine
messed up by falling in love with you and introducing you to crime.
Let me not forget the marriage. Mlamuli went insane, he knew he had
to do something to get her out of your life. That’s where the police
came in. He planned the arrest as well.”
Marvin has said too much.

I park on the side of the road and turn to my father.

“Mlumuli?”
“I’m sorry son, I didn’t mean to have you arrested. It was the only
way I could get Nadine out of your life.”
“Was it because of that, or you wanted her for yourself?” Mhlauli
questions.
“My children are the only thing that matters to me, Nadine was
destroying your life.”-Mlamuli.
“You purposely sent her to me. So all this time you pretended not to
know Nadine, while you were sleeping with her?”
He rolls down the window, I’m waiting for answers and getting none.
209
Marvin howls in laughter, I’m going to kill him if he doesn’t shut up.
“It gets better,” Marvin starts as he grins at my father. “Tell Siyakhula
how you tempered with Olive’s paternity test. Tell your son why you
easily accepted Olive into the family. Tell him that Olive is your love
child with Nadine.”
I’m not hearing right, am I? Mlamuli jumps out the car and sits on the
paving. He’s hyperventilating.

210
Chapter 28
SIZA
.
.
I’m on my third cup of coffee, I couldn’t sleep after Siyakhula left.
It’s hours later, his phone is off. How does he expect me not to worry
when he’s doing things that make me worry?
There are footsteps coming towards the kitchen, my father appears
looking rather tired.
“I thought you were sleeping.” He looks surprised to see me.
“I can’t sleep, Siyakhula is not home.” That is all I am going to
reveal.
Khuzimpi Gumede is one judgemental man. He pulls a high chair and
sits.
“Why are you awake?” I question, inquisitively.
He shrugs, “I can’t sleep without my wife next to me.”
That’s too much information.
“Why don’t you go home? We’re fine here, I promise.”
My father scoffs, he doesn’t believe me.
Why is he keeping an eye on me, again?
“It’s the early hours of the morning,” he mumbles in laughter.
“Guess what? I remembered something from my past?” I actually
sound more excited than when it happened.
“Really?”
“Yes, the day Siyakhula and I were attacked in Mozambique. I
remember Phangizitha stalking me and trying to buy me back with

211
gifts. It’s not completely there but I remember something. It happened
earlier before Siyakhula left.”
My father breathes out irritably, “Siyakhula is always the first to
know everything.”
Is he jealous?
“It happened when I was with him, Phakathwayo.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” He waves his hands. “What did you call me?”
I called him Phakathwayo. Where did that come from?
“Is that what I used to call you?” My excitement elevates.
My father’s eyes widen in enthusiasm, “Yes. Gundi, your memory is
gradually coming back. Soon we will have our Siza back.”
He leaves his chair to give me a hug.
Well, isn’t this something? I can’t wait to tell Siyakhula about it.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

A man nearing his death can smell it a mile away. Marvin is no

different, that’s why he is revealing everything.
We are on the road again, my instructions this time. I have had
enough of these people.
My father is quietly sitting beside me, he has not tried to explain
himself or apologize and that makes me mad.
I feel him looking at me as I make a turn on a gravel road, there are no
street lights on this part of the road.

212
“Is someone going to take me to the hospital? I told you everything
you need to know, didn’t I?” Marvin’s mood has dropped, he is no
longer the happy-go lucky, crazy bastard he was when revealing my
father’s big secret.
No one answers him.
“What are we doing at a river? Take me home, now.” Marvin yells.
“Don’t worry, Marvin. Home is exactly where you are going.” I
answer, winking at him through the rear view mirror.
As I park the car, I hear my father exhale deeply.
He should be afraid “Everyone, out of the car.”
There’s hesitation on my father’s side, while Marvin has no choice.
Mhlauli is dragging him out.
Mlamuli remains seated.

“I’m sorry son.” He starts. “I never meant to hurt you, my intention

was to protect you from a distance. I didn’t know Nadine would
destroy your life like that.”
“It’s too late for apologies, don’t you think?”
He is suddenly brave enough to look at me, “I know. I had so many
chances to tell you, but I failed.” He says.
I’m not interested in his excuses.
“Mhlauli once spotted you with Nadine. Were you cheating on my
mother?” I ask.
“No, Nadine was blackmailing me. She threatened to tell you about
Olive’s real identity if I didn’t give her R30M. It wasn’t the first time
she tried to extort money from me, I knew it was going to be a never
ending cycle.”
“So you preferred to continue lying to me than tell me the truth?”

213
He nods, “I didn’t want to lose you again. Tampering with Olive's
identity was a stupid thing to do, but it was the only way to keep you
away from MaGumede. She caused a rift between you and your
brother, I hated her for that. I still hate her.”
I don’t care how he feels about Siza, she is mine to love. His opinion
means nothing to me.
“Do you hear yourself Mlamuli? You sound dumb right now.”
He rubs his eyes, as he takes another deep breath.
“I wanted my family together, I wanted you and your brother to get
along. It was wrong of me to use Olive, I’m sorry.”
I don’t believe he’s sorry.
“What about Phangizitha’s plan? Were you in on it?”
He shakes his head, frantically.
“I swear, I had no idea what he had planned. I met Marvin through
Nadine, she wanted me to save his company. When I refused, she
threatened to tell the family about Olive and the affair. I had no choice
but to agree to merge the company with Marvin’s. The reason I met
up with him today is because he called me wanting help to get Siza
back.” -Mlamuli.
I can’t believe this.

“Marvin revealed Phangizitha’s plan regarding his revenge and that

the quads were in his custody, but you had found them. He wanted to
kill Siza so you could suffer.” Mlamuli spills.
“You agreed didn’t you? You hate Siza so much that you were willing
to take her away from her children again?” He shakes his head to
answer my question.
“I told him no.”

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At this point, I don’t know what to believe. I’m going to give him the
benefit of the doubt only because my mother can’t live without him.
However, I will investigate this.
“MaMbatha is going to know everything you have done, from the
moment you met Nadine, till today. Is that clear?” I tell him.
His eyes snap over to me, “Anything but that son. MaMbatha won’t
take the betrayal.”
“My mother is a strong woman, she survived you replacing her with
another woman. She will survive this, honestly, I am praying she
leaves you. You don’t deserve to be loved, Mlamuli.”
I dash out the car. I need to deal with Marvin once and for all.
He’s on the ground, thrashing in pain.

“Take his pants off and fill them with rocks.” I instruct my brother.
“What is this Siyakhula? What are you trying to do?” Marvin’s voice
is laced with fear, just what I wanted.
He tries to fight my brother as he pulls his pants down, but fails. I
help Mhlauli fill the pants with rocks.
Once the weight is enough to hold a man down, I use Marvin’s belt to
tie his hands behind his back. All the while, he is demanding answers
I will not be granting.
Marvin brings himself to his feet, I watch as he starts running towards
the dark woods. I grab Mhlauli’s gun and put a bullet on the other leg.
He howls in anger, “My leg. You shot my other leg, you bastard.”
He’s completely paralyzed now, let’s see where he runs to.
“What’s the plan bhuti?” Mhlauli searches.
Furrowing my dark brows, I walk towards Marvin and squat to look
him straight in the eye.

215
“We tie the heavy load of stones around his neck and throw him in the
river. I want him to feel how it’s like not being able to breathe
underwater. I want him to feel the fear Siza felt when she thought she
was going to drown. I want him to fight for his breath until his lungs
are filled with water.”
A sly grin spreads across my brother’s face, “That is the most
beautiful thing you have ever said.”
“You can’t do this to me, Siyakhula. I am Marvin Bora, my death will
be avenged.” He shouts but all I hear is nothing but fear.
“You fucking bastard, did you really think I would let you live after
what you did to my kids?” I tell him while poking a gun on his
forehead.
The bravery he had flies out the window, fear is what’s left in his
eyes.
“Please, don’t kill me.” Are those tears I see?
I lean over to whisper in his ear, “You might want to breathe, Marvin.
There is no air where you are going.”
His breathe comes out in a trembling sigh, “Pl…Please. I don’t want
to die.”
“I can make it easy for you and put a bullet through your skull but
where is the fun in that? I want you to fight for your life the same way
Siza and my boys fought to live while under your watch.”
His eyes widen, tears run down his face.
Disgusting.
“Let’s do this, I have to get home to my family.” I tell my brother
who seems more excited to see this through.
We drag Marvin towards the river, his screams for help are
meaningless. There is no one here.

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I neckless his neck with the pants filled with stones, and make sure
the knot is tight. There is no way he will escape this, if he does, then
he won’t be able to swim his way up.
His body sinks as soon as we toss him into the deep end.
We wait and watch. Minutes later, I feel a huge weight lifting off my
shoulders. Marvin Bora is gone.
I can go home to my family now, I will deal with Mlamuli tomorrow.

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Chapter 29
SIYAKHULA
.
.
The next day, I go to work like nothing happened. I’m here to sign a
few papers that need my urgent attention. Siza knows what we did to
Marvin, and Mlamuli fathering Olive. I’m indecisive, I feel great love
for Olive, I wouldn’t want to lose him.
I have known him as my son since he was little. I don’t want him to
know who his father really is. Perhaps when he turns eighteen, I will
tell him the truth.
I have not spoken to my father, I know he will come looking for me
here at Carved. Mhlauli and I listed two possible scenarios that
Mlamuli will take and one of them is finding out that we are on to
him.

It’s almost lunch time when my father bursts into my office. I can’t
say I wasn’t expecting this.
“Can we talk?” He says in a cool voice.
I lift my eyes and cross my arms, “Nice one dad. Have I ever entered
your office without knocking?”
“You are not taking my calls. That is why I’m here.” He is pacing in
front of me. “Why are you investigating the quads’ kidnapping? They
are home, son. Why are you digging further?”
“Do you have anything to do with their kidnapping?” I asked him this
question last night and he plainly told me he had nothing to do with it.
I need clarity.
“Son…”
“It’s your last chance to tell me the truth dad.”
218
He stands still and rams his hands into his pockets, “I was protecting
our family.”
“Fuck you!” I explode. “I have been hearing you say that for a very
long time. That phrase has destroyed the family you claim to be
protecting. Why don’t you come clean? Admit that you were in on
Phangizitha’s plan.”
He fists his hands, “You don’t know what you are talking about, son.”
“Enlighten me, then. I’m listening dad.”
He scratches his nape, and sighs. “Your mother is not talking to me.
She is threatening a divorce, I can’t lose her again.”
“Then tell the truth, I am sure MaMbatha will forgive you when you
decide to be a better man.”
“I didn’t know about the quads until they were three years old. Nadine
accidentally mentioned them.” He faces me, “I wanted to tell you
then, but I couldn’t.”
“You couldn’t tell me that the children I had been yearning for, for
years were alive? You watched me drown in sorrow and pain while
you knew they were alive? How could you do this to me?”
“I’m sorry son.”
“Yeah, that means nothing to me.”
My mind is running a mile a minute, trying to untangle the things he’s
saying to me. Somehow, after last night’s confession, I had a feeling
he knew about Marvin and Phangizitha’s plan. It’s the reason I went
ahead with the investigation.
“You have to believe me, everything I have ever done was for my
children. I wanted to right the wrongs brought by MaGumede.”
He’s always hated Siza.
“Tell me you are joking, dad. Siza did nothing wrong, her only crime
was to love me.”

219
Mlamuli slumps down to the two-seater couch, he looks resigned, like
he is tired of everything.
He looks like he aged ten years overnight.
“I was stupid and desperate to have my sons under the same roof, I let
my hatred for MaGumede blind me. If I could, I would turn back
time.”
“Then change your ways, be a better man for MaMbatha. The only
reason you are still alive, and I have not turned you in is because my
mother loves you.” I told him this last night. “If you can’t be a better
father, be a better husband.”
He falls silent for what feels like a lifetime. My father is not a good
man, but if there is anything good about him, it is the extent he will go
to keep MaMbatha happy.
I watched my mother loving him from a distance, while another
woman took over her wifely duties. Now that she has him back, I
can’t take it away from her.
Mlamuli looks at me, “Thank you for the second chance, son.”
“No, I am not giving you a second chance. The second chance is for
my mother. I want you far away from my kids, and Siza.”
He looks lost and confused.
“Siyakhula…”
“I’m not ready to forgive you. Don’t come to my house, don’t try to
contact me, and don’t you dare try to persuade my mother to get me to
forgive you. Stay away from my life. I am resigning from Donda
Connect with immediate effect. My shares will remain in the
company, it’s a legacy for my kids. You can give the CEO position to
Mhlauli, that’s if he wants to work with you because after everything
you have done, your children spit on the ground you walk on.”
He stands and approaches me with open arms, hurt evident on his
face.

220
“Get out of my office, we are done.”
His face falls, “I will respect your decision. I can only pray that one
day you forgive me.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” I spit.
Seeing how closed off I have become, he has no choice but to walk
out.
.
.
A WEEK LATER…

Over a couple of days, our lives are almost too quiet. We hear nothing
regarding Marvin’s body. Other parts of our lives are not quiet at all.
Khuzimpi is on my case about paying lobola for Siza.
After the intense parts of our relationship, where everything somehow
seemed to work against us, Siza and I have taken the first tentative
steps to planning our future.
We talked about it briefly last night, marriage is something we both
want.
I have taken more time off work to fix my personal life. I haven’t
heard from Mlamuli, and MaMbatha has not tried to convince me to
forgive him like she’s done in the past.
She knows the truth and is still with him, like I said, she lives for that
man. MaKhuzwayo of course does not see anything wrong with her
husband.

The quads are still settling in, they have started talking. They are
extremely shy, I trust Joj to break them out of their shells.
Next week we are travelling to Bergville for a cleansing ceremony,
they will be given names and introduced to the Donda ancestors.
221
I am driving home when a message comes through my phone.
Mhlauli has sent me Marvin’s deceased body with laughing emojis
and heart faces. I dial his number in a haste.
“Is there a way I can freeze his corpse and put it in my living room? I
have to say, we created a masterpiece. I am looking at top notch fine
art.” He never greets.
“Is it really him?” I question.
“In decaying flesh, I’m looking at it right now. I will send you another
picture. Are dead bodies this fascinating?” -Mhlauli.
I am not expecting my brother to act normal. I receive another picture,
I will kill him if I struggle with swallowing food for the next week.
I am beyond disgusted by the decaying body.
“Tell me you love it.” He continues.
“It’s disgusting,” I say. “I’m on my way.”
Siza wants to see it for herself that Marvin is dead, she’s a doubting
Thomas and I don’t blame her. This world would have you
questioning your sanity.
Who would’ve thought that Phangizitha left a skeevy behind?
I fetch Siza at home and we drive to the river. The place is crawling
with police. I don’t know how Marvin’s body made it to the top. A
fisherman spotted it during his fishing trips.

We find Mhlauli taking pictures of the deceased. Is that allowed? And

why is he wearing a coroner’s coat?
Siza grips my hand as we near the corpse, Mhlauli sees us and smiles.
“Should I be worried?” Too late, I am worried. “You sent me more
than one picture of this guy, why are you taking more pictures?”

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I will get to him pretending to be a coroner later.
“Since I can’t take him home, I thought why not take as many
pictures. I will frame them.” Mhlauli’s answer bothers me.
I need to get him checked, mentally.
I look down upon Marvin’s corpse before me. His body or what is
remaining of it is ridden with scars and gunshot wounds on his legs.
Siza gags and hides her face on my chest. I don’t blame her, the sight
is appalling.
I walk her back to the car, only then she releases a long breath.
“Take me home,” she says, before jumping into the car.
I get in the car and hold her in my arms. For the first time, our future
is starting to look bright.

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Please keep loving me because our hearts speak fluently. Wherever
I go, whatever I do, the map on my heart leads to you. So baby,
please keep loving me.”
Song: James TW #Please Keep Loving Me
.
.

Chapter 30
SIZA

It’s four months after the cleansing ceremony, life is going well for
us.
I’m at my happiest and I am not even lying. I never thought for a
second that I would one day be at peace. It feels surreal.
Having to remember my past was a joyful moment in my life. I know
who I am and it feels good.

Joj is back at school, we call him Joj but he’s Christened Ntsika
because he became a support structure for his brothers when they had
no one and were lost in darkness.
Mnqobi is the second of the crew, he’s more like Joj. Vibrant and not
afraid to speak his mind. He eats a lot, more than his brothers.

224
There’s my shy Lwandile who’s built a wall around him and lets no
one in but his close knit family.
He’s closer to Siyakhula, they seem to get each other. Siyakhula also
has some quietness in him, a man who speaks when spoken to.
Mayibongwe is the loudest of the four, there is never a day when he is
not yelling when he speaks.
I have to tell him to keep his voice down, seconds later, he’s forgotten
and back to bursting our eardrums.

My four angels, I wouldn’t trade them for them. They are my light at
the end of the tunnel, my pillar of strength and the reason I am a
mother.
Siyakhula is more hands on with the boys, he believes no child should
grow up without their father. He has first-hand experience.
His relationship with his father is still rocky, only God knows if they
will one day bury the hatchet. Mlamuli is still not allowed to set his
eyes on his grandchildren, he’s quietly running his company and
trying to make amends with his sons. Mhlauli walks around carrying
an ‘I don’t care attitude.’ He treats Mlamuli the same way he treats
everyone, nothing affects that man.
His relationship with Hlelo ended before it even begun, Mhlauli
Donda chooses to be a bachelor all his life and that’s okay.
Olive is with us, he’s growing and I’m proud to say he is maturing.
He gets along with the quads very well, they look up to him as their
big brother.
His aunt Veronica is facing serious charges of kidnapping and child
trafficking.
Mlamuli is not implicated in any of this, I don’t know how they did it.

225
MaKhuzwayo is slowly coming around. She was here last week, and I
am talking the entire week. She is obsessed with the quads, same goes
for MaMbatha.
Lwandile, Mayibongwe and Mnqobi are currently home schooled.
They are not comfortable in public so we felt it would be wise to take
one step at a time and not overwhelm them.
They will be going to grade one next year.

Today is their seventh birthday. They insisted on a Pokemon themed

party.
My house looks like it fell out of a cartoon show. I told Siyakhula not
to go all out, but no, he never listens to me.
“The boys will get everything they want.” He mentioned and I stood
back and watched.

To think that was not enough, my father chirped in. It’s been a good
day though, it’s over now. Most people have gone home.
I’m in the kitchen with Hlelo, talking over a glass of wine when
Siyakhula walks in and drags me out without a word.
“What is it?” I ask.
He is leading me to the back where the party was. The quads are
standing in a straight line, still dressed in their cartoon costumes—
their faces covered in paint.
“They have a surprise for you.” Siyakhula says behind me.
I keep my focus on the boys, they hold out their hands. In each of
their palms are Pokemon balls.
Joj is the first to pop his open, inside is a note with my name.
“Sizalobuhle.”

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Lwandile opens his, the second note is written, “I choose you.”
A smile spreads across my face, this is cute.
It’s Mayibongwe’s turn to open his pokemon ball, “Will you…” is
written on the note.
Then the final ball is Mnqobi’s and it’s written, “Marry me?”

My heart melts immediately. I turn around and find Siyakhula on his

knee with a ring inside another pokemon ball. It’s a beautiful small
rock.
I am surrounded by children, but I am not complaining.
“What do you say, mama bear? Let’s make this official, take this old
fool as your husband.” Siyakhula smiles nervously.
How can I ever say no to him? He is the love of my life.
“Yes! A million yeses, I will marry you.”
His smiles shines brighter as he slips the ring into my finger.
This day goes down in history as one of the happiest days of my life.
.
.

227
SIYAKHULA
TWO YEARS LATER
.
.

Who knew that over two years after finding my family, I would one
day be pacing the halls of the chapel, stomach twisted with nerves as I
wear a custom-made black tux? It feels like any second now, someone
will pinch me and tell me that I am dreaming.
I would surely turn my back on every deity for toying with my heart.
I am at my happiest, and life seems to be a smooth ride.
I fiddle with the ring in my pocket, the one I am going to gift the
queen of my heart. The woman that’s going to become my wife in
less than an hour.

With all the grudges and darkness I used to carry with me, not once
did I dream that I would be marrying someone so good. Siza treats me
like a king, her love for me radiates from within.

“Siyakhula!” That’s my brother’s voice, shouting. His shoulders

slump in relief when he sees me in the hallway.
“Why are you out here? It’s your wedding, everyone is looking for
you. You make me look like the worst best man when you do things a
groom shouldn’t.”
I needed time to reflect on my life and the past.
“You mean like going to the strip club you dragged me to last night?”
I cock a brow before he slams his hand on my mouth, shutting me up.

228
“Let Siza not hear you. I was warned not to let women near you,
remember.” He’s whispering and looking around for any signs of
Siza.
I push him off.
“You are the worst best man and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.” I
tell him.
“Any second thoughts? I can help you fake your death, I learnt tips
from Thabo Bester and that fine ass doctor.” He winks a hint.
I’m not taking it.
“Might as well rip my heart out of my chest. I am marrying that
woman, come rain or sunshine.”
Mhlauli chuckles and smacks the back of my head.
“Who says come rain or sunshine? That sounds gay.”
I smack the back of his head, he yelps a chuckle.
A smile spreads across his face, “Let’s get you married, bhuti.”
I inhale deeply to calm my raging nerves. Mhlauli wraps an arm
around my shoulder and starts to lead me towards the entrance of the
chapel.
“Just so you know, I’m gifting you the groom’s gutter. It’s your turn
to get married after this.” I introduce.
His laugh is loud, “Not me. I would never subject myself to a lifetime
of imprisonment.”
“You can’t be a bachelor forever.”
“I can, you will see.” He speaks as if he has made up his mind.
Maybe it is for the best, he changes women like he changes
underwear.
Wait! Does he change his underwear? That is a disturbing thought.

229
The chapel is full, I don’t know eighty percent of these people. They
smile as I walk down the aisle to the altar where I will wait for my
bride. My father and his wife have taken front seats.
Our relationship is progressing, slowly but surely.
Olive is standing beside my brother, he looks grown in a tux. I tap his
shoulder and give him a hug.
“You look good, dad.”
“Thank you son.”

I’m wracked with nerves and butterflies, eager to see Siza. The last I
saw her was last night, she was firm in her decision that we don’t see
each other before the wedding.
Apparently tradition is against us seeing each other before the
wedding.
I missed her last night, not sleeping beside her was torture. It was the
first time since we found each other two years ago.
.
.

SIZA

Hlelo runs her hands over my veil, smoothing out any wrinkles I
doubt are even there.
She’s the most excited about my wedding than I am. She’s my maid
of honour, I don’t have any close friends other than her and my
father’s wife, Bonisile.
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My friendship with Bonisile is not consistent, but it’s there.
“Are you okay? You look nervous.” Hlelo says, with a small smile.
“I can’t breathe.” I admit. “What if I trip over my vows or faint?”
She chuckles breathily, “You will be fine friend. Just focus on your
groom and everything will seem so easy.”
Her words of comfort seep into my body, putting me into a state of
relaxation.
What will I do without her?
“It’s time to head out.” Hlelo informs me. “Siyakhula is waiting for
you at the altar.
I flash a wide smile, heart skipping a beat only at the mention of the
love of my life.

Hlelo ushers me outside where my father is waiting with Bonisile

beside him.
The quads look adorable in their suits, they are with their uncle,
Siphosethu. He’s my father and Bonisile’s little boy. The four of them
run to me, Hlelo jumps in front of me.
“Hey, back in line. You’re going to stain mommy’s dress. With their
heads dropped, they drag their feet back to the line.
“You look beautiful.” My father breathlessly expresses.
I’m not one to cry, but I can’t stop.
“See what you’re doing Pastor K? This make-up was expensive.”
That’s Hlelo complaining as she dabs my face with a handkerchief.
“I don’t want to see tears anymore until that man in there says I do.”
Hlelo finishes.
My heart skips a beat at the mention of Siyakhula accepting me as his
wife.

231
Bonisile envelops me in a hug, “You look beautiful, Siza.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready Gundi?” He hands Siphosethu over to Bonisile. This
child is the same age as the quads. But the way he is always carried
around is eyebrow raising.
With a frown on her face, Bonisile places the boy down. He clings on
to my father’s leg. Yep, he’s spoiled.

When all is said and done, everyone takes their positions. The boys go
in first with their flower baskets, followed by my maid of honour.
Mandisa and Kamo are vacationing in Dubai, they couldn’t make it
but sent their heartfelt congratulations.

Standing at the front of the chapel door with my father beside me, I
clasp the bouquet in front of my body as I stand tall and proud,
waiting for the doors to open, so I finally make that walk towards the
king of my heart.
My heart races excitedly when the doors swing open and the music
begins, signalling that I take that walk towards the rest of my life.
.
.
SIYAKHULA

The moment my eyes catch a glimpse of Siza, the rest of the world
disappears. All I see is my angelic lover, gracefully moving towards
me. She looks angelic and perfect in white.
Absolute artwork is the woman that locks eyes with me, immediately
tearing up as she nears me.

232
I nearly abandon my spot at the alter, so I can hold her in my arms.
“Hold your horses, she’s coming.” Mhlauli holds me in place,
chuckling at my reaction.
Her father gives me a stern look as he hands her over to me, I’m
expecting harsh words considering we’re friends and I am marrying
his precious daughter.
“Everyone here knows that I am a pastor, but don’t let that fool you.
Pastors also know how to hide dead bodies.”
He makes the guests laugh with his threats, while I am nervous as
fuck.
Making Siza happy is my number one priority, and I am afraid that
because I’m only human, I will fail one day.
“I will never let her shed tears of pain, only tears of joy.”
Khuzimpi cocks a brow, “No tears. I don’t want my baby crying.”
She’s my baby now.
“You have my word sir.” I say.
He nods, a satisfied smile on his face.
As her maid of honour, Hlelo stands on the other side of Siza,
opposite of where Mhlauli and Olive stand beside me.

“Dearly Beloved.” The pastor begins. “We are gathered here today to
witness the union of Siyakhula Donda and Sizalobuhle Gumede.”
He reads a verse from the bible and goes on and on preaching.
I am growing impatient, I want this woman as my wife sooner than I
can inhale my next breath.
“We will proceed to the vows.” The pastor finally says.
Siza smiles at me, “Siyakhula, when you came into my life, love was
trailing right along with you. You have loved me more than my
233
wildest imagination can ever fathom. I vow to walk with you and
never leave your side. No words can express the impeccable love I
have for you. You are my every wish, and the person I want to grow
old with. I love you, Siyakhula. Now and always.”

Tears are slipping down her face, and I struggle to restrain myself.
Mentally damning it all, I cup Siza’s face and crash our lips together.
Cheers and light laughs circulate through the crowd and I reluctantly
pull back.
Siza is giggling with them, I love the glow in her eyes every time she
looks at me. She doesn’t have to tell me that she loves me, it’s written
in her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, I prepare to say my vows.
“My Gundi. I didn’t sleep a wink last night thinking I would wake up,
and this would all be a dream. This morning as I stood in front of the
mirror, ready to head out. I had to catch my breath a million times to
believe this is actually happening. I am finally marrying the woman of
my dreams, my true love and my heart’s desire. You are my best
friend. I vow to hold our love higher than anything and everything,
but a little lower than God because he is the centre of it all. I love you
Siza, not only in this moment, nor for an hour or day, or year. I love
you for eternity. I will forever belong to you, body and soul. I fondly
deliver my heart to you.”

At this point, we are both whimpering messes, I don’t care how the
world perceives us. What matters is that we are seconds away from
being married.
The exchanging of rings is just as breath taking.
“With the power invested in me,” The pastor announces. “I now
pronounce you husband and wife.”

234
He looks at me and I don’t wait for him to permit me to kiss my bride.
I wrap my arms around Siza’s waist, lifting her in the air as our lips
meet.
The crowd hollers in applauds, while I kiss my wife. As I place her
down, our lips touch again.
“Hi Mrs. Donda.”
Her smile widens, “Hello Mrs. Donda’s husband.”
I can’t stop kissing her.

235
EPILOGUE
SIZA
.
.

I knock on his open door, he’s sitting behind the laptop and smiles
faintly upon seeing me.
“Mr. Donda, do you have a moment?”
His eyes gleam behind his glasses, he takes them off and stands. I am
still not used to him wearing glasses. My husband is ageing but like
fine wine.
I walk in with the picnic basket, I have to bring him lunch, otherwise
he starves himself.
“I can always make time for my favourite person.” He hugs me and
does not forget to plant a kiss on my lips.
“I am glad you are here, I want to show you something.”
Curiosity takes over, I’m always eager.
Siyakhula clasps his hand on mine and leads me out of the office, we
are heading to his car.
“Where are we going, Khula?”
“Patience Gundi.”
I am the most impatient person in the world. He drives us to a location
minutes away from his office.
I believe we are in Northriding in a gated community. The house we
are headed to is a cabin of sort, reminds me of the cabin in
Mpumalanga.

236
The gate slides open, he drives in and parks the car.
“Where is this?” I ask, looking around.
He stops in front of the door, “Do you see something out of the
ordinary?”
What exactly am I looking at?
I move closer to the door, zooming in on the scribbling. Engraved
there are the words, “I only live to love you, Gundi.”
“This is beautiful.” I say, excited to see him express his love like this.
He is a carpenter, and is passionate about it. So I know he made this
from the bottom of his heart.
“Let’s go inside, I had this house built for you.” He introduces,
leaving me completely stunned.
“Really?”
He smiles, “Yes. When you need to get away from everything, you
can come here for a breather.
I shower him with kisses before he gives me a tour. I love everything
about this house, it’s small and simple. A one bedroom house only fit
for the two of us. My favourite part of the house is the bedroom.
“This is where we will make more babies.” He says, encircling his
arms around me from the back.
The room is simple, a small wooded bookshelf filled to the brim is
situated near the door. The walls are a greyish colour, and the door is
wooden brown.
The bedding has a touch of white and sky-blue. Our little heaven.

Siyakhula turns me around, I meet his lips in a soft brush.

“Should we test the bed?” His hands are all over my body.
I laugh wholeheartedly, “Yes, I think we should test the bed.”
237
He kisses me and wraps me into a tight hug.
“It’s been 93 days since I became your wife, and every day, I love
you.” I whisper into his ear.
He pulls out of the hug, and instantly cups my cheeks.
“Not as much as I love you. Now let’s quickly have sex before we
have to get back to the real world, I can’t wait to bury myself inside
you.” His voice is a seductive whisper.
“I am yours, Khula.” I whisper nearly inaudibly. “You can do
whatever you want with me.”
His lips softly press against mine, earning a quiet gasp from me. It’s a
whisper of a kiss but it ignites beautiful bursts of fireworks that erupt
where we touch.
.
.

It’s school holidays, Olive is visiting his grandparents in Bergville.

The quads didn’t want to go, I need a break for at least a week but
they refuse to grant me one.
Sometimes I drop them off at my father’s house and hide in the cabin
for hours, waiting for Siyakhula to knock off from work.
The cabin has become our love nest, we can’t seem to get our hands
off of each other whenever we are there.
I don’t know if we are addicted to each other, or we are making up for
lost time.
It’s a stormy Saturday night, the boys are sleeping in their room.
We have also turned in for the night.

238
Lightning flashes across the freezing sky, brightening the room out of
its darkness for only a single moment.
The quads won’t sleep in this storm, they are afraid of thunder. As I
expected, Joj is the first to run into the room, followed by the other
rascals. The giggles and screams are ear splitting but I wouldn’t
change this moment for anything.
“Daddy, there’s a monster outside the window.” -Lwandile.
Sometimes when they don’t want to sleep in their room, I remind
them that they are nine years of age.
“There’s no monster son, it’s the silhouette reflecting through the…”
I nudge Siyakhula, he might as well be speaking Chinese. They won’t
understand a single thing.
“Do you guys want to sleep here?” I ask, they nod in unison. “Then
Daddy and I will sleep in your room.” I try them.
“Noooo!” They chorus, with giggles leaping from their lips. Lightning
flashes again, causing the quads to retreat under the covers.
They are squeezed in the middle, leaving space for Siyakhula and I on
each side.
“Mom, please sing us a song.” Mayibongwe’s request puts me on the
spotlight.
We take our places, I sing the first nursery song that comes to mind.
I glance over at Siyakhula from my far end, only to find him staring
back.
His lips stretch into a beautiful smile, “I love you.”
He mouths.
“I love you.” I say it louder.
“We love you too mom.” The quads chorus, eyes closed and all.
They cuddle each other as the storm rages on through the night.

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I can’t help but melt, I can’t believe God has blessed me this much.

The moment the boys have fallen asleep, Siyakhula leaves the bed. I
mirror his movements, we settle down on the couch by the window.
He pulls me into an embrace, a cuddle I have been craving for and
plants a kiss on my forehead.
“I know I have said this before, thank you for giving me a family
Gundi.”
I’m the grateful one.
“I promise to always keep the five of you safe and happy.”
I move from his arms and glance up at him, “Six of us.” I say.
His brows snap in question.
“I am pregnant, I found out this morning and wanted to tell you
tomorrow on your birthday.”
With a smile on his face, Siyakhula wraps his arms around me, lifting
me up with him as he stands and spins me around.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach as he kisses me passionately.
“You sure know how to make a man happy, Gundi.” His lips brush
against mine. “I am so in love with you it’s driving me crazy.”
“You better be in love with me and don’t you ever stop falling in love
with me.” I brush his chest.
He lightly presses his forehead on mine, “I promise to fall in love
with you every day for as long as I live.”
I feel him smiling against my lips as he takes me into another
passionate kiss.
I believe every word he says because he is a man of his word. He does
not randomly change his mind, and that is what I love the most about
him.

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God has entrusted the right man with the hearts of seven people.
Myself, Olive, the quads, plus the baby growing in my womb. I feel
blessed knowing we will always be safely bundled up inside His Jar
Of Hearts.

THE END!!!

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