Journal of Contemporary African Studies

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Bomalome: standing in the gap – social fathers in

an African context

Motlalepule Nathane & Grace Khunou

To cite this article: Motlalepule Nathane & Grace Khunou (2021) Bomalome: standing in the
gap – social fathers in an African context, Journal of Contemporary African Studies, 39:4,
604-617, DOI: 10.1080/02589001.2021.1928021

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/02589001.2021.1928021

Published online: 03 Aug 2021.

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JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES
2021, VOL. 39, NO. 4, 604–617
https://doi.org/10.1080/02589001.2021.1928021

Bomalome: standing in the gap – social fathers in an African

context
a
Motlalepule Nathane and Grace Khunoub
a
Social Work Department, University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South Africa; bDepartment of
Leadership and Transformation, University of South Africa, Tshwane, South Africa

ABSTRACT ARTICLE HISTORY

Throughout Africa, there is recognition that the person fulfilling the Received 29 April 2021
role of a father may not always be the child’s biological father. This Accepted 5 May 2021
is clear in the seminal work Male Daughters, Female Husbands:
KEYWORDS
Gender and Sex in an African Society, where Amadiume illustrates Father; fatherhood; father
the significance of divorcing gender roles from biology. In the absence; social fathers;
South African context, a similar notion is seen in Mkhize’s South Africa
conception of Social Fathers. Like Amadiume, this study was
inspired by Adesina’s assertion for African studies to move
towards producing, ‘works of distinct epistemic significance’
rather than the ‘regurgitation’ of and the usual ‘protest scholars’
that African scholar’s focus on. Consequently, this article
illustrates that in contexts of maternal households the role of the
father is played by social fathers. The article concludes that, while
father absence has been widely reported, the absence of
biological fathers does not necessarily mean that caring and
nurturing African men are not present in the lives of children.

Introduction
The discourse on African men as fathers in South Africa has been characterised by a single
story of inaccessibility, inattentiveness, absence, and neglectful. This is because father-
hood has been defined from a Eurocentric, middle class perspective which assumes
fatherhood to be mainly biological. Adesina and Adesina (2010, 3) illustrate that this limit-
ation is a result of the tendency of African scholars to focus on the translation of ‘the
tenets of African culture and ideas in western academic’ models. This limited conception
has historically led to South African research on fathers and fatherhood to focus mainly on
biological fathers. However, most recent work on African fathers is beginning to acknowl-
edge that in contexts of extended families, social fathers have a significant role in many
African families (Mkhize 2006). This article makes a contribution to our continued under-
standing of the significant role of social fathers in the lives of children. An important
neglect to note here is that studies of African masculinities and fatherhood have also neg-
lected to theorise fathering as a social process that is in line with the African relational
worldview on how fathering and mothering is a collective responsibility of all adults in
the extended family and community. Amadiume’ (1987)’s work on Igbo society shines

CONTACT Grace Khunou gracek@uj.ac.za, Khunog@unisa.ac.za

© 2021 The Institute of Social and Economic Research
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 605

light on how social responsibility in that context was illustrated in the non-gendering of
family headship and the fact that roles were not rigidly masculinised or feminised. Like-
wise in African families in South Africa, childrearing is not limited to biological parents;
it is a collective responsibility and a result of traditional African practices that make pro-
vision for the care of children without centring mainly biological parents.
The practice of social fathering can also be understood in parallel to Collins (2000) and
James (1993) concept of othermothering. The institution of othermothering or other-
mothers has its roots in the traditional African world view which holds that child
rearing and childcare is the collective responsibility of all adults particularly women in
the extended families and in the community (Collins 2000; Mkhize 2006; Nsamenang
2006). The concept of othermothers is defined as a community of other women/
mothers who are actively engaged in providing care to children who are not biological
their own (Collins 2000; James 1993). Othermothers usually step in to support women
in their mothering responsibility not only through providing care but also ethics, teach-
ing, community service including social activism. While the idea of othermothering pre-
sented here is conceptualised in the context of African American communities, this
practice has been dominant in African societies in South Africa. The practice of mpele-
gele/mpelehele ngwana (in Setswana and Sesotho translated as ‘carry my child for me’)
is a mutually shared collective practice where women in villages/communities’ step in
to provide mothering care and childrearing. This practice which is the backbone of
many African societies provides relief for mother to engage in work such as ploughing
the field, carrying water and or collecting wood for their households.
Contemporary research illustrates that continuing internal labour migration in South
Africa makes the experience of othermothering an on-going reality for mothers
(Mokoene and Khunou 2019; Nathane and Khunou 2020). This is particularly so in situ-
ations where it is not conducive for women to raise children or where childcare is not
affordable or accessible for working mothers. In the context of South Africa, it is mostly
individuals with blood ties who play the role of othermothers such as grandmothers,
sisters and aunts. Grandmothers account for the largest group of individuals responsible
for the care of children not living with their biological parents. This role is often carried out
in extended families. Caregiving by grandmothers is often undertaken in extended
maternal families (Mokoene and Khunou 2019; Nathane and Khunou 2020).
This article draws on the conceptual framework built by Amadiume (1987) which
affirms the significance of making a distinction between sex and gender. This distinction
is visible in how social roles are distinct from sex and gender (Amadiume 1987), this dis-
tinction is seen in how parenting is divorced from biology in the context of social father-
ing. According to Mkhize (2006), in African culture the concept family includes extended
family, where fathering can be carried out by male father figures including maternal
uncles – bomalome1 – grandmothers, and paternal aunts – borakgadi2 – and paternal
uncles – bab’omcane3 or bab’omkhulu4 (meaning senior father in isiZulu) in the form of
social fathers. In a similar light, Oyewumi (2005) asserts how the nuclear family is an
important basis for Western feminist conceptions and should be critically engaged with
when doing research in African context where the extended family form is historically
more prevalent. Like Mkhize (2006) Oyewumi (2005) illustrates how biological determin-
ism is central to Western conceptions of the nuclear family and its division of labour, this is
606 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

however not the case in how roles were/are defined in African contexts. Therefore, in
African contexts mothers are not necessarily ‘first and foremost wives’ (Oyewumi 2005).
Social fatherhood is defined as men/women who are not necessarily biological fathers
to children but actually take the responsibility of caring and playing the role of a father for
children (Mkhize 2006). These men can be uncles, grandfathers, step fathers or mother’s
partners, male teachers and other significant male members in the environment of the
child (Mkhize 2006; Morrell 2006). Khunou (unpublished) asserts that borakgadi also
play the role of fathers where traditional rituals need to be performed and/ or when bio-
logical fathers have passed away. The prefix ra in rakgadi is usually ascribed to a male,
which suggests that while a rakgadi is a female from the paternal side of the extended
family, she assumes the role of the father with clearly delegated responsibilities such as
being part of lobola negotiations or decision-making in important family matters in the
broader extended family. The rituals of negotiating lobola and/or announcing the
name of a new-born baby are performed by borakgadi. Amadiume (1987) illustrates the
significance of such rituals in understanding the flexibility in role allocation in African
context and contradictions led about by patriarchal beliefs. For example, even though
social fathers are significant in the lives of children and play a fathers’ role throughout
the lives of the children (Mkhize 2006), including material provision, institutes like the
state through the maintenance system only emphasis such provision for biological
fathers, and does not acknowledge such contributions when made by social fathers.
Most importantly, the role played by social fathers is not only in terms of material pro-
vision, but also emotional connection characterised by care. This is contrary to Western
thought that always places emphasis on the nuclear family and biological fathers.
The African context raises the relevance of the concept of a ‘social father’ – which is an
ascribed as opposed to an attained status for maternal and paternal uncles, grandfathers,
older brothers and mothers’ partners who singly or collectively provide for children’s live-
lihood and education, and give them paternal love and guidance (Makusha 2013). In
addition to this, the established role of social fathers in the lives of children whose
fathers are absent is a great strength that exists in extended families. Marsgilio, Amato,
Day, and Lamb (2000) refer to three forms of father involvement, which are human,
financial, and social connection. All these roles might be and are at times provided by
social fathers, which in many contexts include women. This is particularly true in Matrifo-
cal families, where females are head of households (Adesina and Adesina 2010, 4). While
social fathers may provide children with the human capital (which involves imparting
values, skills and traits) and financial capital (by providing for the material needs of chil-
dren), they are at times unable to provide the social capital (in the form of family ties and
connection) which is closely linked to lineage and identity. According to Adesina and
Adesina (2010, 14) what makes families Matrifocal is not necessarily the absence of bio-
logical fathers but ‘the primacy given to uterine or womb relations’, however in contexts
of biological father absence this womb relations become more significant as they provide
‘lineage and identity’ (Adesina and Adesina 2010) i.e. through the mother, Bomalome,
Bommangwane, and grandmothers. It is also common that in context where stepfathers
have paid Lobola5 and Inhlawulo6 for the child they can perform appropriate rituals to
invite the child into the fold of their ancestral realm, thus allowing them ancestral protec-
tion and providing them with an identity. However, due to the commercialisation of the
Inhlawulo and Lobola rituals, in the age of high unemployment rates, these traditions have
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 607

been rendered problematic for providing belonging for children with stepfathers and
those whose fathers are not married to their mothers. Another challenge is that legitimacy
is now given to biological connections, thus forcing ‘biological determinism’ on a context
that is flexible in its conceptions of social roles (Amadiume 1987). Consequently, the cen-
tring of biological fathers in the caring of children result in painful experiences of familial
disconnections in the lives of children with absent biological fathers.
Even though, social discourses on fatherhood and socio-economic conditions tends to
emphasise the biological father at the expense of the child’s familial connection, it is the
contention of this article that unpacking African traditional practices through Amadiume’s
(1987) assertion that, the distinction between sex and gender in our analysis of African
context is important. Again, it is also fundamental to be weary of analysis that take
gender as a given. Consequently, this article is based on the assumption that, an analysis
of maternal families and role of social fathers helps us redefine fatherhood in ways that
embraces the human element in contexts of coloniality, capitalism and patriarchy.
While statistics on father absence for black fathers is comparatively high (Holborn and
Eddy 2011), there is evidence that there is a significant presence of positive father
figures in the lives of children. Thus, revisiting the traditional African understanding of
fatherhood as a role that is not only associated with biological fathers is significant for
facilitating a reconstruction of fatherhood, parenting and family connections. For this
article, this reframing begins with a critique of the limiting starting point of father
absence statistics offered in the racial comparison in Holborn and Eddy (2011). Khunou
(unpublished) acknowledges the importance of the statistics for shedding light on the
state of fathers presence and/ or absence that Holborn and Eddy (2011) makes but also
asserts that a comparison of South African fathers is based on an erroneous omission
which suggests that race, class and regional differences are insignificant in the evaluation.
Amadiume (1987) starting point in Male Daughters, Female Husbands was also meant to
question the easily unfounded historical and anthropological comparisons between
Africa and the West, and to illustrate their racist underpinnings.

A brief discussion of method

The primary aim of this study was to examine the experiences of father absence in matri-
focal and female-headed households in Evaton Township. This study was part of doctoral
research conducted over a period of ten months in 2013 in the community of Evaton
Township, which is one of the oldest townships based in the southern part of Johannes-
burg in the Gauteng province, South Africa. Evaton Township was an appropriate site for
this study because of its history as a black township with multiple experiences of exclu-
sion, migration and biological father absence (Nathane 2019).
The study followed a narrative design, and narrative interviews were conducted as a
method of data collection. The narrative method is a type of research that uses stories
to draw together divergent events and actions of human lives (Chase 2005). Khunou
and Nduna (unpublished) maintain that narrative research in studies of father absence
is useful as it not only tells the story about fathers but also about communities and
their customs. For these reasons, narrative research was significant for this study.
Participants were selected through the use of the non-probability sampling procedure.
This is a type of sampling that allows the researcher to ‘handpick’ the sample according to
608 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

the research problem and the phenomenon under study. The study used the subtype of
non-probability sampling which is called purposive sampling. In this form of sampling, the
researcher actively selects the most productive sample that will answer the research ques-
tion (Marshall 1996).
Participants were identified from community-based organisations working with house-
holds in Evaton Township and the main contact organisation for this was Emthonjeni
Multi-purpose Centre. At the end of the fieldwork process thirty participants had been
interviewed by the first author of this article. Fifteen of the participants were mothers
and heads of households and the other fifteen, were young people over the age of eigh-
teen years of age, who lived and belonged to a household where the biological fathers
were considered absent.
The women were aged between forty-five (45) and fifty-eight (58) years at the time of
the interview and had between one to four biological children. The second group of par-
ticipants were 15 young men and women and were between the ages of eighteen (18)
and twenty-six (26). The children (young participants) interviewed for the study included
four (4) young men and eleven (11) young women. The narrative interviews in this study
were audio recorded and transcribed before data analysis commenced. The interviews
were mainly conducted in Sesotho as it is the main language spoken in Evaton Township
and the first author’s mother tongue. The interviews were first transcribed in Sesotho and
later translated into English. This translation process was engaged in with an awareness of
the significance of language in transferring culture and as a result, the translation of some
key words was avoided as we felt it was important for the contextual meaning of the
words to be retained if we were to share the stories of the participants in ways that huma-
nise their experiences. Amadiume (1987, 6) writes extensively about the importance of
language. For example, she makes an important note on how Igbo language does not
have ‘rigid associations between certain adjectives or attributes and gender subjects,
nor certain objects and gender possessive pronouns’. With this view in mind, care was
taken to emphasise the retaining of meaning when translating the interviews from
SeSotho to English.
While mothers were also interviewed in this study, this article is based on the narratives
of young people since it was mainly young people who spoke about the relationship and
role of social fathers in their lives. This study employed narrative analysis as a form of data
analysis. Ethical clearance for this study was received from the University of the Witwaters-
rand Ethics Committee. The identities of the participants were protected through the use
of pseudonyms.

Social fathers standing in the gap in contexts of father absence

While the absence of biological fathers is high in southern Africa and has been widely
reported, it does not necessarily mean that children do not have father figures in the
extended family and community in the forms of social fathers such as bomalome, grand-
fathers, teachers and male family friends in the community (Ratele, Shefer, and Clowes
2012; Mkhize 2006). In this study, social fathers occupied a significant role in the lives
of both male and female participants and the majority of social fathers were located in
maternal extended families with few living elsewhere in the community with their own
families. Social fathers as conceptualised by the young participants were mostly maternal
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 609

uncle/s referred to as bomalome and in a few cases these father figures were grandfathers
and teachers. It is also noteworthy to point out that this social fathering took place in the
context of matrifocal households headed by women with an intergenerational absence of
biological fathers. Female headship is also a contested concept in South Africa, particu-
larly because the very definition of ‘headship’ revolves around attributes that are
usually associated with narrow conceptions of masculinities such as decision-making, dis-
ciplinarian action and being the provider.
African women have been heads of households since the inception of the migrant
labour system in the late 1800, a practice that continued to date. Women in African
families have long been responsible for care and wage work, discipline and rearing of chil-
dren and decision-making in families with little male participation (Molokomme 1992;
Mookodi 2000). Female-headed households remain the norm in South Africa; and
women have for many generations taken responsibility for all the functional and struc-
tural elements of the household in ensuring provision, protection, belonging and sociali-
sation of its members. The social fathering that takes place in the context of these
households maintained by women speaks to Amadiume’s (1987) view which dispels
the assumption that matrifocality only takes place in the absence of patriarchy. Ama-
diume (1987) defines matrifocality as households that are mother focused, thus elevating
the contribution of women in contexts where breadwinning is usually presumed to be
male – even when they are unemployed – and women do all the earning. Acknowledging
the contribution of women in these households is fundamental for affirming the prin-
ciples of equity and social justice.
Below is a discussion of two themes that came out in the study: Bomalome in the
context of father absence and community members as well as male teachers.

Standing in the gap and signifying bomalome in context of father absence

In the case of Solly, his malome played the role of the moral guide, role model and disci-
plinarian. By his own admission Solly pointed out that as a male child growing up in the
maternal home with his grandmother, mother and sisters he needed someone with a
strong hand to play a role of a disciplinarian as the female adults in his maternal home
could only do so much to reprimand/guide/discipline him. Solly’s narrative shows that
although the role of go kgalema7 is usually undertaken by males, in his case it was per-
formed by females. In other studies, on fatherhood, the role of a disciplinarian as
carried out by Solly’s malome has often been viewed as an exclusive role of the biological
father (Day and Lamb 2004). Solly also felt that there were certain things that he needed
to address in his life and only a male could handle and guide him in those issues. He
described that it was difficult for him to talk to his mother and grandmother about
manhood issues and felt that his malome played that role in his life. The extract below
captures what he said.
Solly: Hum my uncle is my mother’s brother; he is the last born in my mother’s family so
even though we used to fight for things like me as a boy like going out at night
with girls’ things like those which made us fight. Nothing serious which could lead
to him telling me to leave his house, it was just about telling me stop going out
at night, stop going to taverns. Stop this, stop that you see … so most of the time
610 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

he would talk to me today and in the next two or three weeks I will repeat the same
thing and then we fight again.
Tlali: So when you say you fight with your uncle how do you mean? Do you fight verbally
or physically?
Solly: Ohm no, it is never a physical fight it is just verbally straight talk. Yes, he wants the
best for me; he wants the best and he tried a lot of times in several ways to help me
even though some of the things fail in life that is how things are … . I would say my
uncle is the one because I can talk to him and discuss important matters about us
men you know; we are very close like that. Yaa, he is there in each and every encoun-
ter in my life, he is there when I am not okay in my life, he listens to me. He is the
person I can say I trust with my life I can go to him and tell him that … well I can’t
talk to my mother about certain things like about being a man you know … so I
would say my uncle he is the person I talk to about such things I mean serious
things in my life. (Interview with Solly, 03 June 2013)

There are two main issue that stand out in Solly’s narrative. Firstly, he points out the clear
disciplinarian role that his malome plays in his life and, secondly, what he views as a very
exclusive role that his malome plays in guiding him with manhood issues. As he clearly
points out that being the only male in the household, he feels it is not possible to talk
to adult females about manhood issues. Before Solly moved in with his uncle he used
to live in a household with his great-grandmother, grandmother and Solly’s mother
and sister. So, he referred to manhood issues as something that only an adult male rela-
tive can help with. Interestingly, he was not specific about the manhood issues that he
was referring to, even after much probing. He was vague about them and it was clear
that he was reluctant to talk about them. Perhaps, just as was the case with his woman
relatives, he felt uncomfortable to talk to the researcher about these manhood issues
as the researcher was also a woman.
While African cultures are not homogenous, there are certainly identifiable similarities
that can be drawn across them, particularly in terms of some of the cultural practices and
different roles of family members in the extended family (Lesejane 2006). Historically, in
African families in South Africa there is a significant role played by social fathers, in the
form of uncles, (Makusha 2013; Mkhize 2006). Maternal uncle is referred to as malome
in Sesotho or umalume in isiZulu, denoting a brother to one’s biological mother. This is
contrary to Western families where there is no distinction of an uncle being a parent’s
male sibling from either side. Not only do bomalome play a role in the extended family;
they also hold a position of authority and of an overseer with clearly delegated respon-
sibilities. These include caring for children (nephews and nieces) in case where the
mother has died, performing of cleansing rituals for orphaned children belonging in
the maternal family, and being a chief negotiator in the lobola negotiations of nieces
and nephews.
In African societies and families there is a clear distinction between maternal and
paternal uncles. Paternal uncles are usually referred to as rangwane (in Sesotho) or
bab’omncane (in isiZulu) meaning ‘junior father’. On the other hand, ramogolo (in
Sesotho) or bab’uMkhulu (in isiZulu) means ‘senior father,’ denoting seniority in relation
to one’s biological father. These definitions denote that this person is one’s father, thus
making the term very different from the Western notion of ‘uncle.’
Both malome, and rangwane and ramogolo have significant delegated responsibilities
in the extended families, which include the general wellbeing of children in the extended
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 611

family. Malome has a distinct role in the lives of the children. For instance, he bestows and
confers blessings and is also charged with the responsibility of performing the cleansing
ceremony for specific members of the extended family. In Basotho families in South Africa,
malome has the specific responsibility of raising orphaned children whose parents are
deceased and assumes all the parental responsibilities in cases where biological fathers
are absent. Anthropological and ethnographic studies in African societies have described
the societal practice in which there is a special significance or relationship that exists
between bomalome and nephews/nieces as avunculism (Barnard 2010). Avunculism is a
term used to describe cultural and social settings where special relationships, whether
formal or informal, exist between maternal uncles and his sister’s children (Bernard
2010). The relationship can be both formal and informal and is often sealed by kinship
or blood ties. Bomalome are also first in line in terms of consultation and decision-
making processes in matters relating to children’s lives. In contemporary South Africa,
the role of bomalome,8 borangwane or /boramogolo and other social fathers has been
slowly eroding. This is mainly due to factors such as the rise in urbanisation and spatial
separation of African family members as well as challenging economic conditions con-
fronting African men, which is eroding their ability to view their contribution as
significant.
In this study the significant role played by bomalome was dominant as individuals
shared childhood experiences and invaluable contribution of the role played by boma-
lome. They were described as role models, caring providers, disciplinarians, and defenders
in situations where participants needed protection in the community. Also, bomalome
were described as ‘being there’ meaning individuals who are constantly present in the
lives of participants. Participants also expressed warm affection for bomalome. These
ties and affections were established early in the lives of participants as most participants
in this study grew up in maternal household where bomalome were part of the family.
Ndazo (see below), a young woman in her 20s who grew up in the maternal home until
the passing of her grandmother when she was in her teenage years, shared a special con-
nection and affection with her malome. This is often contrary to the way African men have
been portrayed. This is what she said about her malome:
My Malome is a very special person in my life, if I remember well, he has been there for me all
my life. I love him, from when I was little when I come back from school he was there at the
house with my grandmother. He liked to play with me. Even last week I was with him I love
him so much because he has always been a person who cared for me and wants to protect
me, I love him. (Interview with Ndazo 30 July 2013)

In Ndazo’s narrative, it is clear that she shares a very special relationship with her Malome
as she describes him as someone who has been there for her all her life. She uses words
such as care and love that her uncle has for her, and this symbolises the nurturing role
from a male figure. A person who is present, loving and nurturing could be mistaken
for a female; however, in the case of Ndazo it is a malome. This experiences denote the
significance of distinguishing sex from gender (Amadiume 1987). In the above quote
Ndazo mentions the words I love him three times. This is significant as such expressions
of love for African men are seldom written about in South African discourses on mascu-
linities. The nurturing role described here is not often reflected in media and literature,
particularly with regards to black men and fathers in general. In a study conducted on
612 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

men talking about their experiences of being fathered, Ratele, Shefer, and Clowes (2012),
describe how men had the positive experiences of fathers who played a nurturing role in
their lives. Men in this study described biological fathers and other significant social
fathers and father figures in their lives as people who are physically present and available,
resulting in good quality relationships (Ratele, Shefer, and Clowes 2012).
Moreover, what was also significant to note in the narratives of participants about
bomalome was that participants did not only value the provider role of social fathers. It
was mainly the ties and connections that were paramount in the narratives, and these
were accompanied by expression of joy that was evident in participant’s non-verbal
behaviour. Therefore, the role played by social fathers was more than material provision
for participants but also an emotional connection and a significant presence in their lives.
Bomalome were particularly described as people who cared for and displayed affection. In
the same manner, participants expressed the same affection for bomalome. In this
acknowledgement of bomalome as significant in ways that have nothing to do with
material provision it is clear how the patriarchal linkages to masculinities and money
are a contradiction for fathers, as valuing material provision usually results in absence.
This affection was also visible in Keketso’s narrative about his malome (see below).
Keketso grew up in her maternal home and was living with her mother and two other sib-
lings at the time of the interview. Keketso had experienced a very challenging relationship
with her biological father who had a conflictual relationship with Keketso’s mother.
Keketso was often caught in the firing line whenever she contacted her biological
father to ask for money she needed for school. The biological father was verbally
abusive and failed to separate the differences that he had with Keketso’s mother from
his interactions with Keketso. Whereas Keketso described her relationship with her bio-
logical father as difficult, the opposite was true for her relationship with her malome.
This is what she said about him:
Malome Lekaota talks respectfully to me as if I am his child, if he asks me to come to his house
on Friday, he does not make me wait and tell me hurtful things like my father … he keeps all
the promises he makes … If he cannot afford to pay for my school trip; he tells me in advance
and that he will do it next month if possible. He treats me like his own child not just like an
outcast … I can feel that he is closing the gap of not having a father in my life. He does not
make me feel that I do not have a father. I registered late this year, so he registered me in a
college for June and he is the one paying for me. Actually, he is the one person who noticed
that I have passed grade 12 with distinctions … everything I want for school he provides.
(Interview with Keketso, 20 August 2013)

What is prominent in Keketso’s narrative is the way she describes her Malome; she repeat-
edly refers to him as ‘the one’. This puts her Malome as a central father figure in her life
because he not only cares and provides for her family, but also because of the attention
he pays to Keketso and her siblings, and the interest he takes in their lives. Her Malome’s
positive impact is reinforced through the attributes that she describes in the narrative,
such as her malome talking to her respectfully; keeping his promises; being the one who
noticed that she passed grade twelve with distinctions. She experienced the opposite in
her relationship with her absent biological father whenever she attempted to reach out
to him. This is what she valued most in her relationship with her malome; being treated
like one of his own children. Regrettably, Keketso experienced the total opposite in her
relationship with her biological father. Her father was present in the first few years of
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 613

her life and she had wonderful memories of the joyful times when they lived as a family.
She was pursuing a relationship with her father to restore what she felt she had lost, but
this was not to be as her father was not gentle and caring towards her. However, on the
contrary, her Malome in this case was ‘the one’ social father who played a significant
matchless role in Keketso’s life.
The way Keketso’s malome treats her signifies the modelling of good and alternative
behaviour. As alluded to by Keketso, her malome treated her and cared for her in a
way that she felt was closing the gap the absence of her father had created in her life.
The behaviour that participants are describing here is often not reflected in research
and literature as the normative image of African men.

Standing in the gap: community members and male teachers

In three cases (Gift, Masego and Ndazo) social fathers were community members who had
ties with their maternal families and a father-son relationship with participants. In
Masego’s case, even though there were complexities in their relationship, his social
father was his stepfather. Therefore, social fathering is not necessarily an easy alternative.
Gift had a good relationship with a man in his neighbourhood, BraThemba, a mechanic
with a small workshop in his yard. BraThemba had known Gift’s family for many years.
According to Gift, he has always had a special relationship with BraThemba even as a
young boy while he was still at school. BraThemba offered Gift a seasonal/piece job to
help him in his workshop, fixing cars. Gift pointed out that this was not just a piece job
for him as this man was a significant father figure in his life. During the interviews he
stressed the point that BraThemba taught him important things about life. Most of
their conversations happened while they worked in the workshop and when Gift
visited over weekends.
At the time of the interview Gift was dealing with a lot of emotional issues around his
father’s absence. In his narrative Gift spoke a lot about witnessing domestic violence as a
child perpetrated by his biological father against his mother. While gender-based violence
mainly targets women, the reality is that it affects children as well, as they are often wit-
nesses in the context of the home and also in society. Gift was however very conflicted in
his narrative about his father leaving the family, since, on the one hand, it meant dealing
with the harsh life of poverty because of his absence while, on the other, he realised that
his father’s absence meant the end of violence in their family. This is what Gift said in his
narrative about BraThemba and the role he played in his life.
Gift: Mhmm … BraThemba is this man in my area I work with. He is a mechanic who
specialises in fixing cars. He has given me a lot of guidance and good life lessons.
He talks to me about life, perseverance and staying on the right path and not be
easily influenced by bad peers in life. So, we get on very well and yaaa he is a
father figure to me. He also taught me a lot and everything I know about fixing
cars; with the little money that I get from him; I am able to help out at home
Tlale: So, Gift I see the expression on your face when you talk about BraThemba that he is
special to you, tell me about what you admire the most about him?
Gift: Uhm, it is the way he talks to his children and the way he cares for his family. Ahh
yaaa … the way I see it, he handles it very well. When they have problems, even
though I don’t dispute the fact that conflict is everywhere, but the way he handles
it is good. When they have misunderstandings with his wife, he does not become
614 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

violent; he will sit down and resolve their problems as a collective. I see that as a very
good way to resolve any problems in the family. (Interview with Gift, 23 June 2013)

What can be deduced from Gift’s narrative is the influence that the social father has been
in his life and the things that he admires about BraThemba. Also, what is central in Gift’s
narrative is the form of behaviour that the social father role modelled to him, in the way
he conducted the affairs in his family in the way he spoke to his children and resolved
conflict. Once again, like in the narrative of Keketso, what he is describing here are attri-
butes Bra Themba’s attributes that are opposite to those that his father upholds. In other
words, social fathers represent an alternative image and view of a father to these partici-
pants. These fathers present a different picture of what it means to be a man and a father
in the lives of participants. While the absence of fathers has been widely reported in
southern Africa, this absence of biological fathers does not necessarily mean that children
do not have male and female father figures in the extended family and community in the
forms of social fathers such as bomalome.
Keketso’s social fathering experience was through a male teacher who took an interest in
her general well-being and academic performance. The teacher’s interest in Keketso came
about as a result of her top performance in school coupled with her constant lack of essential
learning material like textbooks and, in some cases, where she missed school excursions that
were essential to learning. This teacher therefore took it upon himself to contact the biologi-
cal father. He wrote letters to Keketso’s father, asking him to provide materially for Keketso.
It is important to note that this was the only way this participant received financial support
from her biological father who was absent in her life. This is what Keketso said:
I can go to my dad’s house but even if he commits to providing, I cannot just go relax and
wait for him because he makes promises he does not keep. Maybe if he said he is going
to buy me clothes on Saturday, I go there (Father’s house) on Friday then on Saturday I
remind him and give him the letter from my class teacher then he does not waste any
time and gives me money for everything on the letter, money for school trip, books and
for my lunch box anything. In the past before my Sir (Teacher) wrote letters for me there
was no money coming from his pocket not a cent. In grade 8 when dad was supposed to
buy school uniform he did not until my teacher wrote him a letter which states that a
father must buy a school uniform then he bought it, he did things related to school only
when they can write him a letter at school. (Interview with Keketso, 20 August 2013)

Keketso’s father’s actions can be seen as typically patriarchal since he only respects and
takes actions when he is addressed by another man in authority. What can be noted
from this narrative is how the role specific teacher’s play, by being involved in a learner’s
well-being, can lead to good outcomes. It is important to note that requests from Keketso
and her mother did not result in any positive reaction from the father, but a formal letter
addressed from a male authority figure brought about the change. Therefore, the invol-
vement of the teacher signifies the role of positive fathering and social fathers. This
acknowledgement is important since society often holds negative views about male
schoolteachers.

Conclusion
This article has shown that the nurturing and caring role of African men as social fathers,
challenges dominant discourses in biological father absence literature that often portrays
 JOURNAL OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN STUDIES 615

African men in stereotypical and homogenising ways. The positive idea of bomalome and
caring male teachers and community members broadens our understanding of father-
hood and how it unfolds in many African families/communities and provides a contri-
bution towards reclaiming a ‘balanced narrative’ of men and matrifocal households.
Social fathers standing in the gap illustrates that they can and do fulfil multiple roles
often not acknowledged in the existing literature or in society in general. By drawing
on the conceptual framework by Amadiume (1987), we are able to read and delink the
normative reading between sex and gender. Finally, as clearly demonstrated in this
article, social fathers also represent an alternative image of fatherhood in situations
where young people have been exposed to experiences with their biological fathers
that are not necessarily affirming.
In many cases where biological fathers in African families are absent, male family
members play a significant role in the lives of children as social fathers. Kinship social
fathering provides established lifelong relationships with children whose biological
fathers are absent from their lives, thus making children significant and linking them to
family lineage and to the community.
In conclusion, it is clear from this article that social fathers are important in contexts
where biological fathers are absent and/or violent; however, to allow for this assessment
in our work we need to delink sex from gender. These social fathers present a positive
picture of what positive fatherhood can look like in African contexts, and challenge bio-
logically based notions of fatherhood. This is also useful for thinking critically about why
fatherhood should not be limited to biological.

Notes
1. Malome is a Sesotho word referring to mother’s brother, whereas bomalome is plural.
2. Rakgadi is a Sesotho or Setswana word for father’s sister and borakgadi is plural.
3. In isiZulu, usually refers to the father’s younger brother or a male relative or ‘cousin’ and it
means ‘junior father’.
4. In isiZulu, usually refers to the father’s elder brother or elderly male relative or ‘cousin’ and it
means ‘senior father.’
5. Lobola is more than what has been referred to as bride-wealth in many English translations;
it is defined more broadly as: ‘property in cash or kind, which a prospective husband or head
of his family undertakes to give the head of the prospective wife’s family in consideration
of a customary marriage’ (van den Berg and Makhusa, State of South African Fathers Report,
2018, 41).
6. ‘A cultural practice whereby payment, usually offered in the form of cattle or money, is ten-
dered by the father to the girl or woman’s family for impregnating her outside of marriage.
Inhlawulo is essentially about acknowledging paternity as much as granting permission to a
man to be involved in his child’s life. It is often referred to as payment of “damages”’ (van den
Berg and Makhusa, State of South African Fathers Report, 2018, 41).
7. Go kgalema in Sesotho means to reprimand or to guide.
8. In Sesotho borangwane (plural) denotes ‘junior fathers’/ and boramogolo, (plural) denotes
‘senior fathers.’

Disclosure statement
No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.
616 M. NATHANE AND G. KHUNOU

Note on the contributors

Motlalepule Nathane is a Lecturer in the department of Social Work Faculty of Humanities - Univer-
sity of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg. She has been in academia for fourteen years and holds a
PhD in Social Work from Wits University. Her PhD research was conducted in Evaton Township and
focused on Female headed households’ experiences of father absence. Motlalepule is involved in
several research collaborations on father absence, African perspective of fatherhood and decoloniz-
ing social work curriculum. She is a member of the National DSD Task Team on the development of
Supervision Framework for Social Services Profession. She is the Executive Committee member and
Secretary of ASASWEI - (Association of South African School of Social Work Education Institution).
Motlalepule is the co-authors of a published book by HSRC titled Black Academic Voices: The
South African Experience.
Grace Khunou is the Director: Leadership and Transformation, University of South Africa (UNISA),
Tshwane, South Africa. Her position seeks to facilitate the transformation of scholarship in line
with the Africanisation and decolonisation framework. She followed an academic career after a
two-year stint in National Government in the Department of Social Development. She later
worked at the University of Johannesburg for a short period as a researcher in the Centre for
Social Development in Africa before she moved to the University of the Witwatersrand (Wits) as
a Senior Lecturer. Before joining UNISA, Khunou spent the last seven years at UJ as a Professor of
Sociology and Vice-Dean Research. In 2020, she was a recipient of the UJ Faculty of Humanities
Post-Graduate Teaching award.

ORCID iD
Motlalepule Nathane http://orcid.org/0000-0002-0748-5683

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