Choi 1

Youngjay Choi

Professor Smyrl

ESL 117A.2550

October 12, 2023

Change Fixed Idea of Gender

In my home country, South Korea, old people have some fixed gender ideas that are

disappearing slowly. When I was a middle school kid, there was one student who acted like a

girl. He spoke with a very thin and light tone and the way he spoke was like a girl. When the

lunch break time started, he went to the group of girls and played with girls. At that time, my

friends and I did not have any knowledge of the concepts of masculinity and femininity. We

thought he was very different from us. At first, we had a sense of repulsion because we

thought he was different from us. We used to play different sports such as soccer or

basketball during lunch break. After school ended, we did not have time. Many times, we

went to the gaming room and played some games all together or sometimes we played hide

and seek around our school. However, he chose to hang out with the girls at the coffee shop,

instead of tagging along with our group. They ordered sweet drinks and some kind of dessert,

then they talked for a long time before their parents made them go back home. Those

differences made him and our group keep a distance from each other. other. One day there

was a festival in our school and my friends and I got some time to spend with him I

remember I had so much fun had so much fun hanging out together. After that day, things

changed out differently. As time passed, we started to assimilate his personality and character,

and we started to express our feelings and be more humoristic than before. went by, we

assimilated to him and he made us express and laugh more than before. I realized that we

could be good friends even though we are a little different. Now I think he gave us a good

effect, and I still appreciate him.

 Choi 2

All of the people in the world are different and they have their own personalities. A

long time ago, there were obviously different and fixed thoughts in two different genders. For

example, men have to work and earn money. Women have to do housework and take care of

the kids. Now, these kinds of fixed minds have changed a lot with modernization and

globalization. Many people are still making a lot of efforts to change people to get flexible

minds. Some people would be male or female, and some would be transgender or like people

of the same gender. Such as these different characteristics, we are all the same human. This

does not change and we are all worthy of respect. In my opinion, all people should not be

discriminated against because of differences. Some people would say some different people

are not normal. However, nobody can divide who is normal or who is not normal.

The time when children learn and accept the most is when they grow up and from the

surrounding environment. In “Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings

of Gender” Aaron H. Devor argues that “To the degree that children absorb the generalized

standards of society into their personal concept of what is correct behavior, they can be said

to hold within themselves the attitude of the ‘generalized other’” (474). Children believe

things that others say they are right. “Girl” by Jamaica Kincaid, shows different behaviors

between men and women in the past by saying “WASH THE WHITE CLOTHES ON

MONDAY and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday put them on

the clothesline to dry” (469). This is about things that girls learned how to act from when they

were growing up and the whole of their lives. At that period, people thought those behaviors

were all natural. Most girls would think it is natural because all of the around people said

that. They were young and there was only one way of absorbing those ideas. Devor and

Kincaid claim that this is how people learn when they are young. To change fixed ideas in our

society, we have to change the method of teaching and raising children in a different way

first. Make them get a flexible idea and accept differences.

 Choi 3

Forcing someone to act according to their gender is unjust. A lot of people in our

society, keep making masculinity equal to men and femininity to women, still have fixed

mindsets. Devor claims that “Many activities and modes of expression are recognized by

most members of society as feminine” (475). People think many activities and modes of

expression are not suitable for men. There is another similar argument from “‘Bros Before

Hos’: The Guy Code” by Michael Kimmel. Kimmel argues that “Along the way they

suppress all the feelings they associate with the maternal - compassion, nurturance,

vulnerability, dependency” (547). It shows young men learn not to cry and express something

while they are growing. This way suppresses expression and this way leads many children to

depression when they are growing up. When I went to America at first, it was very different

from my home country. The biggest difference was people did not have any repulsion with

homosexuals. I could not act like them at first because marriage between homosexuals was

illegal and they did not reveal out in our country. After I heard America is different, I

accepted it. Even though I thought differently from them at first, I can not force them to be

different. Paul Theoux also has a strong opinion “The version of masculinity is a little like

having to wear an ill-fitting coat for one's entire life. Even the expression ‘Be a man!’ strikes

me as insulting and abusive. It means: Be stupid, be unfeeling, obedient, soldierly and stop

thinking” (166), in the writing named “Being a Man.” The writer shows how much he does

not like to hear about being a man. He was not only the person who heard “Be a man!” from

others. Also, every man has heard it many times in their life. People say you are a male and

your behavior should be masculine. Every person has freedom of expression and no one has

the right to suppress it. Try to assimilate to others. Then we can understand and consider each

other.

Even though every person has some differences, we all have to accept differences.

Devor argues that “Body postures and demeanors which communicate subordinate status and
 Choi 4

vulnerability to trespass through a message of ‘no threat’...make people appear more

feminine...Masculinity, like femininity, can be demonstrated through a wide variety of cues”

(477). Masculinity and femininity are not fixed in each gender, they are related by social,

culture, and experience. Both masculinity and femininity have no definition in an exact way

and could be expressed in various ways. According to “We’re All Someone’s Freak”,

Gwendolyn Ann Smith asserts that “Basic human dignity is not a privilege of the lucky

superior few, but a right of all or none” (187). Smith is saying that people are all different and

regardless of any differences, all people have basic human dignity. This shows even though

we have differences in gender, personality, or behavior, we are all the same human. The

society of South Korea was very fixed and all of the people had to be in their original rules.

This showed strongest in the entertainment industry. Many homosexual people could not say

they are homosexual. However, recent society of South Korea has flexible thinking that I am

able to know by watching TV programs. Many celebrities, who are transgenders and

homosexuals, are activated a lot in broadcasting and getting a lot of love from their fans.

According to “A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories” by Roxane Gay, she asserts “When

public figures don't provide outward evidence of their sexuality, our desire to classify

intensifies” (178). This is an invasion of privacy and the worst point is that the public blames

celebrities when they have any differences. This makes celebrities not open to the public. The

trend of the times is changing toward understanding each other and accepting differences. We

should not behave disrespectfully to others who are not the same as us.

There are still many unchanged stereotypes remaining in society from ancient times,

and now it is time to change them. American society is one of those societies with strong

fixed ideas. Devor claims about the American community, “In worth American society, it is

popularly believed that the social position of females is "natural" dependency on men for the

maintenance of mother-child units. Thus the goals of femininity and, by implication, of all
 Choi 5

biological females are presumed to revolve around heterosexuality and maternity” (476). As

Devor claimed a lot of people in American culture believe that women have to rely on men

and that women are focused on heterosexuality and maternity. This is a very old and fixed

idea. Others think any people can do whatever they want which does not depend on gender.

There is one tradition in America that women change their last name when they are married.

The author Anna Quindlen shows the opposite instance of the claim of Devor in “The Name

is Mine”. Quindlen said, “He didn’t adopt me, he married me” (1), to express she does not

have to follow the last name of her husband. The contrary to beliefs of American society, she

showed those ideas are not responsibilities. She wanted to stay in herself by maintaining her

last name. Men have to do and act like this, women do not have to do like this is an idea that

is still remaining. This kind of idea is not fittable to modern thoughts.

Exploration of gender roles of children is one of the most important for their growth.

It is related to how they will grow. Young people have many curious things and there is a

strong expression “Very young children learn their culture’s [binary] social definitions of

gender and gender identity at the same time that they learn what gender behaviors are

appropriate for them...but they will often make such ascriptions on the basis of role

information, such as hairstyle rather than physical attributes, such as genitals, even when

physical cues are clearly known to them” (473). According to Devor, the exploration of

gender roles is an essential part of the growth of a child and identity formation. Through this

process, children gain a deeper understanding of who they are, how society perceives their

gender, and how it influences their lives. Smith asserts that “I have learned not only that I

have to do what I have to do to be happy regardless of the struggles I may face, but also that I

am the only person responsible for my own comfort or discomfort about my gender" (184).

This is how children learn about gender and find their identity. While teaching children, we

should not let them to influenced by fixed gender notions. It might restrict their natural
 Choi 6

curiosity and exploration. The exploration of gender roles could be influenced a lot by

society, culture, and their immediate environment, children endeavor to understand their

gender and what it signifies in modern society.

Traditional fixed notions and expectations of gender continue to evolve with each

generation. This evolution acknowledges individual freedom and diversity, which also plays a

significant role in a child's developmental journey. Factors such as environment, friends,

parents, and education profoundly influence a child's behavioral patterns and personality

formation. Some individuals might not adhere to traditionally masculine traits, just as some

women might not embrace traditionally feminine ones. Children should have the liberty to

express their personalities and gender identities authentically. However, it's vital for parents

and educators to realize that to completely shift fixed notions about gender, efforts are

required not just in individual awareness but also in societal, educational, and cultural

dimensions. While parents might hope for their child to grow in a particular manner, it's

essential to respect and support a child's choices and identities. This isn't merely a gender

issue; it also contributes to fostering empathy and understanding among people. I've gleaned

these insights from readings like Devor and others, emphasizing that these are necessary steps

toward creating a truly equitable society.

 Choi 7

Works Cited

Devor, Aaron. "Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings of Gender."

Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 10th ed.

Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp. 471-47

Gay, Roxane. “A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories.” The Norton Reader: An Anthology of

Nonfiction. Ed. Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed, 2016. pp. 178-83.

Kimmel, Michael. “’Bros Before Hos’: The Guy Code.” Rereading America: Cultural

Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 10th ed. Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp.

540-49.

Kincaid, Jamaica. "Girl." Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and

Writing. 10th ed. Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp. 469-470.

Quindlen, Anna. "The Name is Mine." schoolsites.schoolworld.com/schools/.../quindlenthe%

20name%20is%20mine.pdf

Smith, Gwendolyn Ann. “We’re All Someone’s Freak.” Rereading America: Cultural

Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 10th ed. Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp.

184-87.

Theroux, Paul. “Being A Man.” The Norton Reader: An Anthology of Nonfiction. Ed.

Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed, 2016. pp. 166-69.

 Choi 8

Essay Letter

Dear Professor Smyrl, thank you for reading my essay. I am really proud of myself

that I have never written any writings like this long. The best point about my essay that I

most like is the story and two anecdotes of my experiences. I was pretty excited when I try to

find my old memories. The most difficult for me in this essay was trying to write the distance

of the essay over a minimum of pages. I think my English writing skills are not enough to

write than a native person. Even though I have some ideas and try to write in a letter, I could

not write it with a long distance. The reason for this difficulty I think is a lack of English

writing skills as I said. Also, I think I have to improve my English reading and speaking

skills. I will study hard to improve my skills and I hope they will be different when this

course ends.