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Shusheng Li

Professor Smyrl

ESL117A-2550

October 13, 2023

Me and Femininity in a Patriarchal Society

In China, people hold strong gender stereotypes. Although discrimination between

genders has slowly improved with the rise of feminism, individuals in Chinese society are still

heavily labeled with gender. Men and women are sharply distinguished, with strict expectations

placed upon each gender. Since I was a child, I've been different from other boys. I never had

any interest in typical male hobbies, such as sports, car models, and robots. Instead, I enjoyed

fairy tales and collecting stuffed animals, which are traditionally considered female preferences.

In primary school, most children are not yet affected by strict gender perceptions, and they are

not able to understand gender labels. Therefore, I was not aware of my difference back then.

When I entered secondary school, I began to realize that I was "unique". Due to my different

interests and personality, it was difficult for me to establish close friendships with boys. I also

enjoyed interacting with my female friends more. Because of my supposed "feminine" qualities,

not everyone understood me, and even my parents questioned me. The oppression of gender

stereotypes prevented me from enjoying life effortlessly.

In a male-dominated society, men, as beneficiaries of this group, violently divide gender

characteristics into "Masculinity" and "Non-masculinity," dividing humanity into "Heterosexual

men" and "others." "Non-masculinity" refers to what is called "Femininity" If people do not

conform to gender norms in a male-dominated society, they will be viewed as heterogeneous,

outsiders or "other individuals." This sort of thinking is deeply rooted in society, and people
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living in the same society often unconsciously try to change themselves to fit male norms. Even

in the subconscious of many women, being a man is a more prestigious existence, and they strive

to "become male" as a goal. I once forced myself to change for "male identification," but after

reading many social science books, I realized that today's gender identification is outdated and

not in line with current times. In particular, gender cannot be roughly divided into "Masculinity"

and "Femininity."

In the prevailing gender term for social collective dominated

by men, those in the privileged position seek to maintain their group

status by associating "non-threatening" qualities with the concept

of "femininity." Speaking from my personal experience, male behavior

tends to be more aggressive than female behavior. I find these

behaviors to be impolite, so I make an effort to be more mindful of my

own actions. However, some men view my behavior as not conforming

to the typical standards of "normal male" behavior, and they

sometimes make jokes about it. In "Becoming Members of Society:

Learning the Social Meanings of Gender," Devor hit the nail on the

head that "Body postures and demeanor which communicate

subordinate status and vulnerability to trespass through a message

of ‘no threat’ make people appear to be feminine"（477）. This

suggests that "Femininity " is associated with subordination and lack

of threat in social structure and perception. Society regards

"Femininity" as non-threatening and elevates "Masculinity" to

maintain the male group. Sojourner Truth's strong speech in 1815, "I
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plowed and planted and gathered in barns and no man could lead me

and ain't a woman. I could work as much and eat as any man when I

could get it and I could bear the lash as well,"(from 1：06 to 1：25)

refutes the traditional impression of women's fragility, and strongly

questions the discrimination against women in intelligence and

physical strength. In Amy Cunningham's "Why Women Smile," she is

indignant: "Women are expected to smile no matter where they are on

the social, cultural, or economic ladder: College professors are

criticized for not smiling, and women's roles in films have

historically been smiling ones"(174). Even women in high positions

cannot escape the social demand for them to "smile". Therefore,

"Femininity " is not an innate quality of women, but a means of

control imposed by society on "non-male groups".

Gender stereotypes that are created and perpetuated by men

also have a deep impact on men themselves. In "Becoming Members of

Society: Learning the Social Meanings of Gender," Devor proposes the

devalued value of women “It is popularly believed that the social

position of females is 'natural' dependency on men for the

maintenance of mother-child units. Thus, the goals of femininity and,

by implication, of all biological females are presumed to revolve

around heterosexuality and maternity” (476). This means that a

woman's worth is considered to come from men, and that men are

expected to be noble and powerful. These stereotypes contribute to

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the oppression of women, but they also have a negative impact on

men, as they feel pressure and anxiety to perform according to these

gender norms. In Tony Porter's speech, he talks about how the

pressure to conform to these gender stereotypes, or what he calls the

"man box," can lead men to act in ways that go against their own moral

values. Porter recalls a time when he felt pressure to maintain his

status within the "man box," and how this made him complicit in a

sexist act that he later regretted(from 8:41 to 9：06). This pressure

to conform to society's expectations of what it means to be a man can

make it difficult for men to act according to their own values and

ethics. In the scene from Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine, Ben

struggles to open a bottle, despite using great force and the woman

says”I’m just fucking with you”(53). He could easily ask for help from

the woman who is with him, but he chooses not to, because he wants to

maintain his image as a strong and capable man. This reluctance to

ask for help shows how gender stereotypes can limit men's ability to

ask for the support they need and can prevent them from seeking help

when they need it most. These examples show that the gender

stereotypes that men create and uphold can limit their ability to act

ethically and to seek help when they need it. Men need to start

questioning these stereotypes and challenging them, so that they can

live more fulfilling and authentic lives. By doing so, men can create a

more just and equal society, and work to end the oppression of women
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that is perpetuated by these stereotypes. Only by questioning these

stereotypes can we hope to create a world where men and women are

valued equally, and where all people are free to be their true selves.

Gender expression should be diverse, rather than being rigidly divided into two

categories. However, In "Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings of

Gender," Devor makes a point worth thinking about "In some cases, cross-gender behaviors are

ignored by observers, and therefore do not compromise the integrity of a person's gender display.

In other cases, they are labeled as inappropriate gender role behaviors”(475). This emphasizes

the subtle reactions to gender identity expression, where some behaviors are accepted while

others are stigmatized. In "We're All Someone's Freak" by Gwendolyn Ann Smith, the

protagonist asks a transgender friend about the potential discomfort of coming out publicly

(184). This emphasizes the complex dynamics within the transgender experience, underscoring

the intricate interplay of individual identity, societal perceptions, and the evolving landscape of

gender awareness. The multifaceted nature of transgender narratives reveals a rich tapestry of

personal journeys, resilience in the face of societal norms, and the ongoing quest for

understanding and acceptance. Roxane Gay expressed in "A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories,"

"We act like placing people who are different from others in categories will have some impact on

our lives, or that creating these categories is our responsibility when, most of the time, such a

taxonomy won't change anything at all"(178). The categorization based on subjectivity does not

have substantial significance, especially in our daily lives. Gwendolyn Ann Smith’s experience

supports Devor's concept of "social judgment and hierarchical structures." However, through

Roxane Gay's proposition, we should learn to eliminate subjectivity and "social judgment and

hierarchical structures."
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With the widespread availability of the internet, the younger generation now has

unprecedented access to information about gender identity. In "Becoming Members of Society:

Learning the Social Meanings of Gender," Devor rightly emphasizes that "Children learn that

they are both as they see themselves and as others see them" (474), suggesting that even at a

young age, children possess the capacity to grasp the nuances of gender identity. This awareness

is crucial in dismantling traditional gender norms. Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl" vividly portrays the

stark contrast in behaviors expected from males and females in the past. The instruction to

"WASH THE WHITE CLOTHES ON MONDAY and put them on the stone heap" provides a

glimpse into the restrictive experiences of young girls in bygone eras(476). This narrative

powerfully aligns with Devor's argument that "children will imitate the behavior of adults and

become what others think they should be." The implication is clear—adult behaviors

significantly influence a child's understanding of gender roles. In light of this, there is a pressing

need to prioritize education on gender identity for children. It is incumbent upon society to be

mindful of the behaviors exhibited in front of young minds, as these actions can either challenge

or reinforce prevailing gender stereotypes. By fostering an environment that encourages

individual self-perception, we can contribute to a future where gender identity is understood and

embraced in all its diverse forms.

Living in a society where masculinity holds sway, the burden on someone who identifies

as a "non-masculine" male can be overwhelming. The pressure to conform to the interaction

styles and expectations of the "normal" male group is a constant struggle. I can relate to this

internal conflict, as the attempt to fit into a mold prescribed by societal norms often leads to a

sense of fragmentation and a loss of authenticity. In societies deeply rooted in Confucian culture,

challenging traditional norms can seem like an uphill battle. The weight of history and ingrained
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beliefs can create an environment resistant to change. Despite these challenges, it's crucial to

recognize that societal expectations should not dictate our identity. It's a journey of self-

discovery, and the power to define who we are lies within ourselves. I've personally grappled

with the conflict between societal expectations and my authentic self. The realization that

conformity only breeds internal discord pushed me to question and redefine my identity on my

terms. It's a process that requires courage and self-reflection, but ultimately, the freedom to

decide who we want to be is empowering. While societal norms may be deeply ingrained,

embracing our true identity becomes an act of resilience. Each individual has the agency to shape

their own narrative, breaking free from the constraints of predefined roles. It's a call to action,

encouraging us to be true to ourselves despite the pressures to conform. In essence, the journey

towards self-discovery and authenticity is a universal one. By recognizing that our identity is a

personal choice, independent of societal expectations, we pave the way for a more inclusive and

diverse understanding of masculinity. This self-determined identity not only liberates the

individual but also contributes to the broader transformation of societal norms.

Works Cited

Adrian, Tomine. “Chapter Two” Shortcomings. Ed. Drawn & Quarterly, 2009. pp. 43-74

Cunningham, Amy. “Why Women Smile.” The Norton Reader: An Anthology of

Nonfiction. Ed. Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed, 2016, (1993). pp. 172-76.

Devor, Aaron. "Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings of Gender."
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Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 10th ed.

Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp. 471-479.

Gay, Roxane. “A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories.” The Norton Reader: An Anthology

of Nonfiction. Ed. Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed, 2016. pp. 178-83.

Kincaid, Jamaica. "Girl." Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and

Writing. 10th ed. Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp. 469-470.

Porter, Tony. “A Call to Men.” TED. Dec. 2010. Lecture.

Smith, Gwendolyn Ann. “We’re All Someone’s Freak.” Rereading America: Cultural

Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 10th ed. Bedford/St. Martin's, 2016. pp. 184-

87.

Truth, Sojourner. “Ain’t I A Woman?” The Norton Reader: An Anthology of Nonfiction.

Ed. Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed, 2016. pp. 170-71.

1. What do you like best about your essay?

I particularly enjoy the personal experience section, as it contains my authentic examples and I

have devoted a significant portion of the content to describing them.

2. What was most difficult for you about writing it?

The body of the text is the most challenging for me.

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3. Why do you think that was difficult for you?

As we need to do a lot of reading first, we have to find suitable sentences from the articles. Then,

we need to connect the quoted words with our own opinions well.

4. Based on feedback from your peers and myself, what changes did you make from your

draft to your final version?

a. Name at least 1 thing your peers suggested that you changed

In the peer review, Sana and Choi suggested that I reduce the number of sentences in my

introduction. As a result, I deleted some irrelevant sentences and ensured that each paragraph

contained no more than 10 sentences.

b. Name at least 1 thing that I suggested that you changed (but you must incorporate all of the

feedback that I provide to you)

Based on your feedback, I should switch up some of the verbs, so I have attempted to reorganize

some of the verb phrases.

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