Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two

Level 3: Advanced

1
  Warmer

a. Discuss these questions.

1. What is your definition of friendship?

2. What are the key ingredients of a friendship?

3. How many “close” or “intimate” friends do you have? What is the ideal number of intimate
friendships?

4. What can we do to feel closer to our friends?

2
  Key words

a. Fill the gaps in the sentences using these key words from the text. Then complete each
example sentence with the same word – you may have to change the form of the word.

catastrophic confidence cumulative cut it inadequate

slips slumps spontaneity tally thoughtless
transient twitch underpinned

1. A is a sudden slight uncontrolled movement of your body.

Irritation within nerve cells can cause jerky muscles and eyelid .

2. If someone feels , they don’t think that they are good enough for a
particular purpose.
Everyone in my family has high-powered jobs, but I just work in a shop. It makes me feel really
.

3. When you have in someone or something, you believe that they

are good and you can trust them.
The politician lost the of the people that had voted for him.

4. If something through your fingers, you fail to get it or to take

advantage of it.
Don’t let this chance through your fingers.

5. If something is , it exists, happens, or stays somewhere for a short

period only.
Some people believe going shopping has a calming effect, but it is only
.
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced
6. If someone is , they are not thinking about what other people
want or need.
I hope she apologises for her comments.

7. is used for describing something that is very bad or causes

much damage.
Hurricane Harry caused damage to hundreds of buildings.

8. is behaviour that is natural and not planned or thought about.

Beth was attracted to Paul’s and his fun-loving attitude.

9. When someone , they suddenly fall or sit because of they are very
tired or unconscious.
Her body suddenly to the floor, and we all rushed over to help.

10. When something , it is saftisfactory or successful.

I don’t think a text message will – we will need to meet in person to
discuss the situation.

11. To means to be an essential basic part of something, allowing it

to succeed or continue to exist.
Research and developing new technology their clean-energy
strategy.

12. If two things , they match each other.

The witnesses’ separate accounts and provided strong evidence.

13. means developing or increasing gradually as a result of more and

more additions.
While most of us can cope with one bad night, the effects of sleep
deprivation can be devastating.
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced
Research tells us living near
our loved ones makes us
happier and strengthens
our relationships. But is that
possible, and how can we be
better friends if not?
Emma Beddington
09 April, 2023
1 I had a little twitch of unease recently, listening
to Elizabeth Day talking on the radio about
her new book Friendaholic and the problems
that having too many friends has caused her.
It’s the same twitch I get reading psychologist
Robin Dunbar’s famous research on how many
relationships we can maintain. Five intimate
friendships is the optimal number – I scrape
two – and Dunbar posited that we can maintain
a network of 150 people close enough that
it wouldn’t be awkward to have a drink with
them. That’s Dunbar’s number: 150! I’d have
to include everyone who walks their dog on
my route, my whole pilates class and half
the street to get there, and not knowing most
of their names would surely push it over the
awkwardness line. I mean, I can be awkward
with my two intimate friends on bad days.
2 It’s easy to feel inadequate about friendships,
and I haven’t, historically, been a good friend.
I don’t mean I steal boyfriends or betray
confidences, but I’m chaotic, bad at prioritising
and time slips through my fingers like water.
I lived for a long time in a transient city –
Brussels – where friendships seemed to be
easily formed and then easily forgotten and it
gave me bad habits, I think, which make me
seem thoughtless and careless. I suppose
I have been thoughtless and careless.
3 I’m trying to be better because I really like the
few friends I have managed not to lose and
am keen to be a bigger part of their lives. But
how? My best friend currently lives four-plus
hours and a minimum of two trains away in the
best-case scenario. I have a good friend in the
US and several scattered across the UK and
Europe. I don’t think that makes me particularly
cosmopolitan, just a person living at a time
and in a country where housing costs, the
catastrophic state of childcare and social care
plus career constraints mean we mainly settle
wherever makes financial and practical sense,
rather than where we might ideally choose.
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4 And it’s not ideal. We became friends because
we like each other’s company and we’re
ending up not getting much of that. Meeting
up requires planning and expense, possibly
an encounter with Southern Rail. There’s
no dropping in or spontaneity, and that puts
pressure on meet-ups: you can’t just slump
on a sofa with a bag of crisps each in silence,
scrolling, occasionally showing each other
stupid stuff. Well, you can, of course: my best
friend and I do – we even did it when we lived
in different countries – but there’s an anxious
tendency to feel crisps won’t cut it.
5 That’s silly because friendships thrive on
regular side-by-side slumping and simple
proximity. Dunbar’s research has also explored
how friendship formation and maintenance are
partly underpinned by the endorphin system,
activated when you spend time together.
Endorphin-firing activities include eating,
drinking, laughing and telling stories. I don’t
think anyone has researched parallel sofa-
based scrolling yet, but I’m hopeful that gets
endorphins flowing too.
6 It tallies with what I’m realizing about friendship
as I try to improve my own – stuff I think most
people know instinctively or learned decades
ago. That, like parenting, much of the important
stuff happens in small, ordinary moments. That
cumulative time is more important than some
strained notion of “quality” time. That showing
up is an act of love.
7 It’s hard to show up for each other when we’re
miles away. If being near our friends makes us
happier, why don’t we all just try to do it? That’s
what a recent article in The Atlantic argued, and
it has provoked a lot of soul-searching – mine
and more widely. I don’t know how on earth
we make it happen – see jobs, homes, kids,
parents, above – and I’m not even sure many
of us have a monolithic friendship group à la
Central Perk to herd into an idyllic commune.
But it’s an interesting thought experiment.
Could we try to reverse the Aussie soap theme
song and make good friends neighbours? I’d
probably manage to ruin it somehow, but it
would be wonderful to have the chance to try.
© Guardian News and Media 2023
First published in The Guardian, 09/04/2023
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced

3
  Comprehension check

a. Which of the following statements represent the experiences and opinions of the author?

1. “I can relate to the issues Elizabeth Day describes in her book.”

2. “It would be awkward to have a drink with acquaintances that make up my Dunbar number.”

3. “Time management is the biggest hurdle in most of my friendships.”

4. “Living in Brussels badly influenced my relational habits.”

5. “The fact that I have friends all over the world reflects a certain cosmopolitan lifestyle I aspire to.”

6. “It’s a pity that we can’t just meet up when we feel like it.”

7. “I bet sitting on the sofa with a friend is also an endorphin-firing activity.”

8. “Simply spending time together is not what makes a friendship.”

9. “If one of my friends moved in next door, our friendship might be doomed, but I would love to see
what happens.”

4
  Key language

a. Place the words in the correct column to form new words from the text. In some cases, you
have to modify the root word.

adequate    care    ease    form    idyll    maintain    thought

in- -less un-

inadequate

-ation -ance / -ence -ic

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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced
b. Now complete the sentences with some of the new words from task A.

1. It was utterly of him to refer to Sarah as his best friend right in front
of Harry.

2. As I walked into the crowded room, there was an awkward silence, which made me feel a great
sense of .

3. Seeing my best friend only once a year is hardly . I would see her more
if I had the means!

4. I always welcome a challenge but felt out of place at the luncheon and at a loss for words.
I felt completely .

5. I would like my friendships to grow organically, but the reality is that most require some level of
effort and .

5
  Discussion

a. Discuss these statements.

• “Friendship is simply not a priority in my busy life.”

• “Quality trumps quantity when it comes to friendship.”

• “Five intimate friendships is optimal.”

• “Cultivating friendships is crucial for your mental health.”

6
  In your own words

a. Create an infographic, short video, or blog post with tips for making and maintaining
friendships. Focus your infographic on a specific target audience.

E.g., How to Make New Friends in Your Twenties in Tokyo

b. Present your idea to the class.

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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced – Teacher’s notes
Article summary: The writer examines
the state of her friendships and reflects on
research that suggests we should have five
close friends and the endorphin-firing activities
that create closeness between friends.
Time: 90 minutes
Skills: Reading, Speaking, Writing
1. spasm/twinge 2. insufficient 3. secret 4. pass
you by 5. short-lived 6. careless 7. disastrous,
devastating 8. impulsiveness 9. slouch 10. suffice
11. support 12. match 13. added up
3. Comprehension check
a. Ask students to scan the text to find the paragraph
that contains the information, and then read it
carefully before they make their choice.

Language focus: Word formation (affixes)

Key:
2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9
Materials needed: One copy of the
worksheet per student
4. Key language

a. Students could be asked to do this exercise

1. Warmer individually and then compare their answers in pairs.
The answers given are words used in the article.
a. This activity aims to introduce the topic of friendship
and help prepare students for reading. Make notes Key:
on the board and ask students to skim the article to in- -less un-
see if they can find any of the answers mentioned.
inadequate careless unease
2. Key words thoughtless
-ation -ance / -ence -ic
a. Ask students to do the exercise individually and
compare their answers in pairs or small groups. formation maintenance idyllic

Key: b. Ask students to complete the sentences with words

1. twitch, twitching 8. spontaneity from task A.
2. inadequate 9. slumps, slumped
3. confidence 10. cut it Key:
4. slips, slip 11. underpin 1. thoughtless
5. transient 12. tally, tallied 2. unease
6. thoughtless 13. cumulative 3. idyllic
7. catastrophic 4. inadequate
5. maintenance
As an extension, you could focus on pronunciation
and ask students to identify words with the same 5. Discussion
word stress, for example:
a. Allow students time to note down their ideas about
Ooo: confidence, transient each statement individually and then discuss the
ooOo: catastrophic, monolithic statements in small groups. Invite someone from
each group to share their main idea(s).
And to check understanding, you can ask students
for synonyms, for example:
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 3: Advanced – Teacher’s notes

6. In your own words

a. This task can be done individually or in pairs. It

could also be done as a homework task if needed.
You could show students examples of infographics,
TikTok or YouTube videos, or blog posts (e.g., do an
online search for “how to communicate better”) and
get students to analyse the clearest ones.

Encourage students to do some research and

include new information in their materials. They
can use an online tool or app to create the final
product. If the task is done for homework, save a few
minutes at the start of the following class for students
to present.

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