CON TE N TS

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About Helen
Also by Helen Wilder
 Making It Right
Copyright © 2020 by Helen Wilder
Cover Design: Sly Fox Cover Designs
Editing: ELENI
Interior Book Formatting: authorTree

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any
means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the
prior written permission of the publisher, except in cases of brief quotations embodied in critical
reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the
products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
“Second chances are not given to make things right, but are given to
prove that we can be better.”
 PROLOGUE

I wake up extremely nervous this morning. My stomach is full of knots.

I’m going to throw up and it has nothing to do with my condition. I
need to tell Nicholas what I found out yesterday and I’m scared. I
know it will change things. He will surely freak out. I’m freaking out. I
hope he won’t react badly. Generally news like this is happy for most
couples.
We met eighteen months ago at a charity event where the agency I work
for had bought a table. Nicholas was seated at the table in front of mine. He
turned around and our eyes locked. Grey to caramel. He then somehow
swapped seats with my colleague who was supposed to be seated beside
me. We hit it off straight away. At the end of the evening he asked me for
my number and I would have been an idiot to not give it to him. The man
looks like a freaking Greek god, long face with a constant five o’clock
shadow, full lower lip with a body to match and he made me laugh. He
called the very next day. We had our first date the following Friday, a month
later our fifth date ended up turning into a two day fuck-a-thon in this very
bed which I happen to be alone in at the moment.
Pretty soon we were spending all of our free time together. A short six
months later I moved in with him into his penthouse apartment that
overlooks the city. My favourite thing about living here is the view with the
iconic harbour bridge, boats in the bright blue water, then when the sun sets,
the city below shines in an array of colours.
Then five months ago he proposed. He actually asked me to marry him.
It was so unexpected and romantic. I couldn’t be happier. He made it so
easy to fall in love with him, with his big infectious smile and generous
heart. I can’t imagine not ever being with him.
Our wedding is seven weeks away. The plan after our honeymoon is for
us to live in London for three months while he sets up the European office
of the architecture design and building company he started five years ago
with his friend Rick Morgan who he met in university.
This certainly puts a spanner in the works but it doesn’t have to. We can
make it work.
Things are so good between us that I dread what this news will do. I
don’t want to fight with him. We’ve never really spoken about children but
I assume since we’re getting married that means having a family at some
stage. Maybe I should have brought it up before now but everything has
happened so fast between us and we’ve enjoyed spending this time being
just the two of us, being in the moment.
We love each other. He tells me so every single day. I have to believe
that everything will be fine. He has a tendency to overreact, that’s one of his
faults. Perhaps today he’ll surprise me.
After a long shower and finally feeling brave enough to face him I walk
out of our bedroom to see him standing in the kitchen wearing only his
pyjama pants, his golden, muscular chest on display. His dark brown hair is
its usual mess from sleep.
I make my way over and stand on the opposite side of the breakfast bar
to him, placing my sweaty hands down on to the cool marble. Deep
breathes, Alannah.
“Morning, baby. Would you like some coffee?”
“No thanks. I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” He raises one brow in expectation as he scoops a spoon of
sugar into his mug.
It’s now or never Alannah. Do it quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“I’m pregnant.” I tell him then wait, holding my breath.
He stops making his coffee. His entire body stills. He slowly raises his
head and looks at me with cold eyes. His smile disappearing instantly.
“What did you just say?” He hisses.
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat, swallowing down the lump which has formed
in my throat.
“You can’t be.” His eyes are wide as he looks at me in disbelief. He
takes a step away from me.
 “Well, I am. I know it’s not something we planned on happening just yet
but we can do this. I’m scared too but everything will work out.”
He stomps around the breakfast bar to stand in front of me, pointing his
finger in my face. His top lip curling into an angry sneer.
“You’re lying. There is no way you can be pregnant.”
“Why do you keep saying that? I saw my doctor yesterday and she
confirmed I’m six weeks along.” I try to hand him the ultrasound photo that
I had in my back pocket but he doesn’t take it, he just looks at it in disgust
then knocks it out of my hand. I watch it flutter down onto the floor by my
feet.
“Who else have you been fucking because that kid is not mine?” he
growls. I have never seen him so angry before. His face has turned red.
My heart joins the photo on the ground at his reaction and accusation.
“How can you say that to me? You know there hasn’t been anyone else;
it’s only ever been you. Nick please, you know I could never do that to you.
I love you. How can you accuse me of such a horrible thing?”
Tears start to rapidly fall down my cheeks. I knew he would take the
news badly but I never expected or imagined that he would outright deny it
or accuse me of cheating on him.
“I know no such thing and now you come to me trying to pass some
other bastard’s kid off as my own. You really thought this plan of yours
would work and then you’d be set for life. Please stop with the crocodile
tears, they’re pathetic.”
What the hell is he talking about? What plan? We’re supposed to be
getting married soon. Has he lost his mind?
“Nicholas, I swear the baby is yours.” Why is he being so cruel? “Why
are you saying these things?” I don’t understand what is happening.
“IT CAN’T BE.” He screams right in my face.
“WHY NOT?” I yell back, hurting. Why doesn’t he believe me?
“I had a vasectomy years ago so there is no way in hell that kid you’re
carrying is mine. I never wanted children.”
I feel like I’ve been struck. I’m left speechless. Why did he never tell
me this before? How could be keep this from me? This is one major detail
that I had every right to know about. I sense my entire world collapsing
around me. He’s never going to believe me.
In my heart I know I haven’t been unfaithful. I haven’t done anything
wrong and this baby I’m carrying is a part of us both, and a miracle if what
he is saying is true because somehow I did manage to fall pregnant. Yes,
I’m on birth control, but everybody knows that it’s not a hundred percent
effective, however I may as well not have been on it at all. He’s an asshole.
He takes my stunned silence as guilt and starts to walk away.
“This baby is yours. You can deny it, you can call me any name under
the sun that you want and accuse me until you’re blue in the face but I
know the truth, and I have not cheated on you. You should have told me
about this, I’m your fiancée, I had every right to know, Nick because it
doesn’t only concern you.” I yell at his retreating back.
Now I’m shaking from anger. How dare he walk away? Does he really
think this conversation is over? He’s acting like a child.
He stops and turns around.
“Get out,” he whispers. He’s kicking me out?
“Nicholas, please, calm down and think logically about this. Sometimes
these things still happen. Nothing is fool proof.”
He may have not wanted to be a father but it’s happened and we need to
deal with it like adults.
“No. Get the fuck out. I never want to see you again or your spawn.” He
walks past me, out the front door where I hear him slam his hand against
the button to call the elevator up then comes back to where I’m still
standing shell-shocked.
“Nicholas, you’re overreacting. Please just think about what you’re
saying right now, listen to me. Listen to yourself.” I reach for his face but
he grabs my wrists before I can touch him.
“Keep your whore hands off me. Who knows where they’ve been,” He
spits at me. Did he really call me a whore? You fucking bastard.
I take a step back and let my eyes roam over his face as they fill with
more unshed tears. I don’t know the person standing before me. Who is this
man that can say such hurtful things to me after telling him I’m carrying his
child?
I raise my hand and slap him across the cheek before he has a chance to
react, his face forced to turn from the force of the impact. My hand is left
stinging and his cheek now has a fine red handprint on it.
He stands there motionless, eyes burning with rage which are directed at
me.
“Congratulations, you have just managed to destroy everything we have
in a matter of a few thoughtless seconds. I hate you,” I stammer through the
lump in my throat.
“You did this. I thought I could trust you. Thank you for showing your
true colours before it’s too late.” There is absolutely no emotion in his
voice.
He can’t be serious? I did this?
He drags me by the arm over to the door, his grip tight and painful.
“Nick, stop you’re hurting me.” He’s not listening, it’s like he’s entered
another zone and closed himself off.
I hear the ping of the elevator as it arrives.
He lifts my left hand up and rips my engagement ring off my finger
before he practically pushes me into the waiting car with nothing but the
clothes I’m wearing then walks away as the doors close on me.
“Nicholas.” I sob collapsing against the wall.
The elevator reaches the ground floor after what feels like only a couple
of seconds, the tears are blurring my vision as I walk through the lobby. I
look down to try and hide my face with my hair.
Where am I going to go? This is my home. Was my home.
What am I going to do now?
The life and future we were planning together is gone.
I can’t believe what just happened. I’m alone and pregnant. My heart is
broken, shattered and will never be the same again.
How could he do this? His love doesn’t meaning anything, they were
empty words. He was so quick to judge me and kick me out. I didn’t make
this baby on my own.
I can’t stay in this city, I need to leave. I feel the walls closing in around
me while I panic on the street. I need to be as far away from him as
possible.
I place my hand on my stomach. “Everything will be okay little one. We
have each other.” Even if he comes crawling back on his hands and knees
apologising I will never forgive him for the way he just treated me.
With a final look up at the building I called home only minutes ago, I
wrap my arms around myself and begin to walk down the street to wherever
the road leads me.
CHAPTER 1
 A L A N NA H

5 Years Later

I ’m pouring my unfinished tea down the sink. Ever since that

particular morning I can’t stand the smell of coffee, its scent is a
reminder of the worst day of my life. Rinsing my mug I happen to
glance at the calendar, seeing the date. It’s Nick’s birthday today. I hate that
I remember anything about him at all.
I’ve been living in Perth for the past five years. When I first arrived I
stayed with my mother but I knew it wasn’t a permanent solution. I was
heartbroken to begin with but I had a baby to look after and we had to make
a life for ourselves and not be dependent on other people.
A little over a year ago I rented a cute townhouse outside the city with a
small backyard so there’s room to run around and play, the house is not too
far away from my mother’s place, so she is still close by if I need her. I’m
proud of our home. It might not be much but it’s ours and I’ve tried my best
to make it a happy one for myself and my daughter.
Charlotte, or Charlie as she likes to be called just turned four years old.
I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy, being a single mother was never my plan, in
fact there have been plenty of evenings that I have cried myself to sleep
from the stress and worry but it has been worth it, especially when I see her
smile each day.
After her first birthday I went back to work, I had no choice, I had to be
able to support us. I was lucky to find something close to home as a
personal assistant in a real estate office, although I miss being an interior
designer, it was my dream job, I loved it and hope to get back to it one day
but for now I will do what I need to in order to make ends meet for our
family of two.
I’m fortunate to have a great boss. John moved here from Ireland as his
wife wanted to be closer to her family after they had their first child. I love
his accent, even though at times he has to repeat things to me when I find it
hard to comprehend what he’s saying. He is also very understanding,
especially when things come up with Charlie that can’t be avoided. He
himself has two little girls of his own and I’ve also become good friends
with his wife, giving me someone to vent my parenting frustrations to and
who understands.
The day that Nicholas kicked me out, after walking around in a state of
shock and confusion I called Rachael, my best friend in the whole world,
from a café and asked her to come pick me up since I didn’t have my phone
on me.
When she drove me back to her apartment I was all puffy eyed from
crying and devastated. I only told her that Nick and I had fought and broken
up but not the reason why and that I needed to stay with her for a few days.
I asked her to do me a favour and go to Nick’s apartment the next day while
he was at work to collect some of my belongings and phone because I
couldn’t go back there so soon.
I gave him a day to cool off and then attempted to call him. We had to
talk.
I couldn’t get through to him. Not on his mobile or at work. I showed up
at the building he worked in and was banned from even entering. He had
cut me out of his life so easily.
As the days passed Rachael was getting pissed that I wouldn’t tell her
what had happened. She tried calling Nick herself to get answers but from
what I know he wouldn’t answer her calls either. She couldn’t understand
what went wrong because we seemed so happy together. But I never said a
word except we wanted different things.
I don’t know why I didn’t just throw him to the wolves and be done
with it, but at the time I still loved him and I wasn’t in the right frame of
mind to deal with the fallout.
Two weeks later I had quit my job, packed up my things and moved to
Perth where my mother lived. She had relocated there after my parents got
divorced when I finished high school. My father was understandably upset
that I was moving so far away but after I told him about the baby he
understood why I needed to go. He was so enraged at Nicholas, and really,
who could blame him. He was making all sorts of threats towards my ex-
fiancé that I had to beg him to not do anything crazy, the jerk wasn’t worth
him going to jail for. All he told me was to not worry.
Thank goodness for Skype, it means we can keep in touch and he gets to
see Charlie and not miss out on seeing her grow, even from a distance. He
tries to visit when he can but it’s not all that often.
My mother was a godsend in those few first rough months where I was
heartbroken and afraid, battling morning sickness and then again when
Charlotte was born. She was there for me, she let me cry or picked me back
up when I felt overwhelmed and ready to give up, not believing that I could
do this on my own. She was there to hold my hand when I was in labour for
twenty two hours. That is certainly not an experience I will ever forget.
It’s been fifteen fucking agonising hours and this kid is still in me. Why
won’t she come out? I’m sick of all these nurses and doctors coming in
smiling at me, checking my vagina only to tell me it won’t be long now. If I
hear that one more time I swear I will murder someone.
Why don’t they try putting up with this pain for that long? My lower
back is killing me and it doesn’t matter what position I sit in, nothing helps.
I’m exhausted, covered in sweat and tired. I just want to sleep.
My mother told me to have the epidural but no, I had to be a hero and
have a natural labour, I wanted to feel and experience it all. Yeah well fuck
you childbirth – you suck.
It’s a quiet moment between contractions and all I can think is that
Nicholas should be here with me, to hold my hand or rub my back, but he’s
not. I still miss him every day and I get so upset over it that I start crying.
Damn you Nicholas Moore. Why did he ruin us?
Finally I’m told it’s time to push and I’m terrified. Can I really do this?
I look over at my mother in a panic.
She takes my hand and not only calms me down but gives me the words
of encouragement I need.
“Alannah, you are strong and can do this baby girl. Come on
sweetheart, your baby will be here with you in your arms very soon, don’t
be afraid.”
Okay, I’m ready to do this.
I bear down and push with everything I have.
 Oh my God! The burning. Why did no one tell me about this fucking
burning? I feel as if I’m being ripped in half.
As soon as I hear her cries and hold her in my arms all the pain,
everything and everyone else just disappears. My heart fills with so much
love for this tiny little human that she is the only thing that matters to me
from this moment on, everyone else be damned.
I finally understand what they mean by a mother’s love. I would give my
life to protect her. I also now realise the amount of love my mother has for
me if it’s anything like what I’m feeling just looking at this precious baby.
I wish I could give you the life and family you deserve but we’ll be okay
kiddo. I won’t let you down.
I promise myself that today is the last day I’m going to think about or
even cry over one Nicholas fucking Moore. It’s his loss.
I have made a life for myself here. Sure it can be a bit lonely at times
but I make do. Rachael comes to visit us whenever she can. She got married
three years ago and has a daughter herself. She is the cutest little girl with
her strawberry blonde locks. The first time she flew down to surprise me
with a visit I was seven months pregnant and couldn’t hide it. She put two
and two together and knew the baby had something to do with me leaving. I
had to finally tell her what occurred that day when I told Nick I was
pregnant. She was furious and ready to immediately fly back and kill him
but I begged her to stop and leave it be. It was too late.
However she didn’t listen and after Charlotte was born Rachael told me
she went to see him just the once and tried to talk sense to him. Nicholas
didn’t want to hear it and kicked her out of his office. It’s his loss, because
she is the most sweetest and loving and clever little girl. Everyone adores
her.
Nick has made it clear he doesn’t want us in his life, that she’s not even
his. I’ve tried not to think about him and all the pain he caused me like I
promised myself but it’s impossible when my daughter has his eyes and his
temper and every now and then I see his photo in the media. He’s become
more successful as the years passed and one of the country’s most eligible
bachelors. He looks the same, good looking bastard that he is. If only they
knew what a dark and cold heart he hides.
Snapping out of my daydream I realise I’ve been holding the mug under
the running water for ages. I turn the tap off and go in search of my child
who is hopefully dressing herself and didn’t get distracted. It’s our usual
Monday morning mad rush to get ourselves dressed and ready to leave for
the day. I need to drop Charlie off at day care and get to work.
John told me last week that some big city guy from a huge corporation
is coming down in three days’ time to look at some large vacant properties
around here and if we hook him that it will mean a massive commission for
us. It’s going to be a hectic week and we need to have a list of properties
ready to be shown and all the details available to him.
“Charlie, are you dressed?”
“Yes, Mummy,” she calls out from her room.
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yeah.” I highly doubt that, this child hates doing it. I walk into her
room to see her trying to buckle her sandals. I kneel down to help her.
“Open your mouth, let me see.” He eyes widen but she lets me inspect
her mouth. I take a little sniff, there is no trace of mint and I can see
remnants of her cereal stuck in her back teeth. “Charlotte Stewart, go brush
those teeth right now or your breakfast will be stuck there forever and start
to grow mushrooms.” She rushes to the bathroom. That always does the
trick, she absolutely hates mushrooms. She thinks they’re slimy.
Finally out the door, I lock up and we get into my second hand, dark
green, two door hatchback. It has no power steering, manual windows and
the air-conditioning barely works but it’s been reliable so far and gets us
where we need to go. Thankfully we left on time and the traffic is not
terrible this morning.
We reach Sunny Kids Kindergarten and Charlie runs ahead eager to see
her friends. I follow behind carrying her My Little Pony backpack. I sign
her in, hang up her bag on her hook and quickly greet her teacher before
getting my daughter’s attention to come say bye to me.
“Have a fun day. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Bye, Mummy.” I give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
“I love you.” I say to her and go through our usual routine.
“I love you more.”
“Not possible.”
“Is possible.”
“I love to you to the moon and back.”
“I love you infinity.”
“Okay, you win today. Bye sweetie.”
 I arrive at the office with five minutes to spare. As I walk in I greet our
receptionist Tracey. She graduated high school last year and needed to work
to help support her family however plans on going to university next year to
study law if it all works out. She’s a lovely girl and always eager to help out
around the office.
“Morning, Tracey.”
“Hi, Alannah.” She replies before answering the ringing phone.
After dumping my bag on my desk, I check to see if John is in yet. I
find him seated behind his desk in his office going over some property
contracts. He’s dressed in his usual white shirt with blue tie and black pants.
“Hi, how was your weekend?” I ask.
“Hey there, it was good. We took the girls out to the zoo seeing as it was
nice weather. How about you?”
“It was fine, the usual, cleaning, washing, grocery shopping and
keeping Charlotte entertained.”
“I emailed you some properties I think would work for our hot shot
visitor. Can you go through them and make sure I have included everything
we need. If it all looks good please email it to his assistant so he can decide
which ones he wants to see before he arrives.”
“Sure, leave it with me.”
My morning is busy and spent working through and reviewing all the
properties and paperwork that will be required. When I’m satisfied with it
all I ask John if he has a contact or email for this guy’s assistant.
“I’ll forward to you the email I was sent by them, just reply to that
email address.”
A moment later I hear my computer ping and open up the email.
When I see who it’s actually from I feel the blood drain from my face.
Please God no, it’s not possible, anyone but him. This has to be a cruel joke,
right? There on the bottom of the email it clearly says:

Michelle Peters, Personal Assistant to Nicholas Moore, CEO of

Moore & Morgan Design Limited.

No way in hell am I helping him.

I want to avoid seeing him but how do I get out of this without making
John ask a million questions.
Does Nick know I work here? Is that why he chose us?
Fuck!
CHAPTER 2
 N ICHOL A S

I ’m fucking nervous and I don’t do nervous.

I’m going to see Alannah again today after all these years.
For the longest time I hated her and cursed the day I ever met her.
She lied to my face, or so I thought, about not being with anybody else
but the proof was in the baby she was carrying. How could she do that,
wasn’t I enough for her?
I loved her and would have given her the whole world if she asked for
it.
I refused to even think about her after I kicked her out but she still
showed up in my dreams.
I didn’t want to hear her damn name mentioned.
I didn’t hang around after she left but went to London to get started on
setting up Moore & Morgan over there sooner than planned. Instead of
three months I ended up staying for a year. I immersed myself in my work. I
lived and breathed it, only flying back to Australia when absolutely
necessary. Not that it helped me forget my heartache. Everywhere I looked I
was reminded of Alannah and her love of design and history.
There was one occasion when I was back home for an important
conference, I was sitting behind my desk when Alannah’s father, Dennis
Stewart barged into my office unannounced. Security could do nothing to
stop him, not that they tried very hard if I’m honest. I assume he had been
waiting for me to show up there for weeks.
I stand up and walk around my desk. This is going to be ugly judging by
the look in his eyes.
 I don’t have a chance to say or do anything before I’m knocked down on
to the carpeted floor from the punch he landed on my jaw.
“I knew my Anna was never good enough for you, but you had us all
fooled that you loved her. If I ever see you again or you try to go near her
they will never find the body.” He spits out at me through clenched teeth.
“They’re both better off without you.”
He left straight after, leaving me with a bloody lip.
At the time I thought she was still lying to everyone about the kid being
mine. How wrong I was but maybe Dennis was right and they are better off
without me.
I haven’t even tried to have a relationship with anyone else. I had a few
one night stands with faceless women. Shit, there were times when I had
trouble getting hard. My cock knew it was wrong. It wasn’t Alannah, but
that ship had sailed and wasn’t coming back.
I shut myself off from everybody and lived like a fucking robot. Going
from work to home and back again with an occasional fuck thrown in. I
wasn’t going to trust or let anyone else in again.
I pulled away from my family. Every time I saw them all they asked
about was Alannah and the reason she left so unexpectedly and wanting an
explanation as to why the weeding was called off. I didn’t want to talk
about it. Didn’t want to admit I had been played for an idiot. Let them
speculate, it’s not like it was really any of their business anyway.
The truth is I’m surprised I haven’t heard from her. I was anticipating
getting a request for a DNA test and child support but nothing ever came.
The kid probably looked nothing like me to try pass it off as mine.
Then two years ago everything changed and I was made to be the
biggest fool in the universe.
I was changing and updating my health insurance and needed to have a
physical exam for it. The doctor drew blood and put me through a shitload
of tests which I was fine with until he asked for a sperm sample.
“What the hell do you need that for?”
“It says in your file that you had a vasectomy over ten years ago. I
would like to ensure that it’s still effective. There have been instances and
cases where following a ten year period the results of the surgery have
lessened.” The doctor explains to me.
I just stare at him dumfounded.
He’s joking right? It’s meant to be permanent.
 Needless to say the results came back showing that yes, in my case the
effects had reversed themselves. I was fucking pissed, why had no one told
me this was a possibility before, or maybe the doctor at the time did and I
was just too young and naive to pay much attention to him. Then it hit me
like a tonne of bricks. What the fuck did I do to Alannah?
I went home and cried that day. I haven’t cried since I was ten years old.
The only positive thing I could think of was that I was thankful I used
condoms to prevent STD’s with all of my one nighters. God knows who
they had all been with, so there was no chance of me knocking anyone else
up.
I was so sure she was lying to me. That there was no way in hell it was
mine. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when the elevator doors closed
that day.
She was broken. I broke her.
It’s taken me this long to work up the courage to face her. I don’t expect
a warm welcome. I don’t know what to expect really but I have to do this. I
need to make it right. I’m not proud of my actions and need to make it up to
her. She deserved better than that.
I didn’t know where she was because I refused to allow myself to look
for her. I asked one of my IT guys to trace and run a background check on
her. He found her in Perth. All the way on the opposite side of the country,
working in a real estate office and living on her own with our daughter. I
have a daughter. It makes sense that she moved there, her mother lives there
after all. I’m thankful she had her mother’s support at least. She should have
had mine.
I’m positive a lot of people are going to want to hang me up by the balls
and I’ll let them. How the fuck do I tell my parents they have a
granddaughter that they’ve known nothing about for so long. My mother
will disown me. She loved Alannah. My sister can’t stand to be in the same
room as me, and Flynn, my best friend since I was thirteen has pretty much
abandoned me, after I continually pushed him away, causing my parents to
always wonder what’s going on with me.
I came up with the brilliant idea to use the agency she works for to show
me some properties in the hopes of getting close to her. I wasn’t really
looking to buy anything at the moment but having vacant land always
comes in handy for future building projects.
 So here I am, sitting in the back of a hired car, dressed in my best navy
suit, trying to work up the courage to get out and walk into that office.
Wade, my driver, assistant, sometime body guard and the closest thing I
have to a friend in my life, stands just outside my door patiently waiting
until I make a move. Let’s get it over with.
Opening the car door, I exit and walk inside the medium sized, modern
decorated space. It’s white and airy and gives off a welcoming feeling. The
bubbly receptionist greets me and tells me to head on back to Mr
O’Donnell’s office, it’s the first one on my right and that I’m expected.
I make my way through the office as instructed and turn right. The
closed office door is in front of me with an empty desk situated outside it.
As I approach I’m stopped in my tracks. This must be Alannah’s desk.
There is a half drunk cup of tea, in a unicorn mug, sitting on it. She has an
obsession with the mythical creatures. Having this mug in front of me takes
me back to the morning I ruined us and smashed her favourite unicorn mug
on the tiled kitchen floor in anger. I really am despicable. I wanted to be
spiteful and hurt her. I have so much to make amends for. However it’s the
framed photograph that has captured my attention.
Smiling back at me is a little girl. Straight away I can see that she has
my eyes, the clear grey being reflected back at me. She’s beautiful just like
her mother. I regret so much within a split second. I don’t know her. I know
nothing about her. I feel my heart squeezing in remorse.
Hearing a noise I glance up to see O’Donnell’s office door open and
Alannah walk out. My breath catches in my throat. She looks the same as I
remember, only slightly thinner and her long brown hair has been cut short
to brush her shoulders. Dressed in a black pant suit her curves are perfectly
displayed. She’s even more beautiful if that’s possible and my body reacts
to her proximity with a tingling in both my chest and pants.
She sees me standing there and almost trips over her feet from the shock
of finding me before her. I want so much to just hold her, kiss her, fall to my
knees and beg her for forgiveness but I need to take things slow. I don’t
even know if she will give me a chance to talk to her and explain things.
We stand there staring at each other, taking in each other’s appearance
after so long. I don’t know how much time passes as I continue taking in the
sight of her, eventually I watch as she straightens her shoulders and takes a
few steps forward to stand behind her desk, using it as a barrier between us.
 “Mr Moore. Welcome.” Her voice is formal and artic cold towards me. I
hate it.
“Alannah.” I greet her.
“Mr O’Donnell would like me to apologise for him. He has a family
situation this morning and will be a little late. He asked that I take you out
and show you the first property on your list and he will meet you out there,
if that’s agreeable?”
“That won’t be a problem. You can drive with me if you prefer.” Maybe
I can get her to ride with me and talk a little in the car but she declines.
“No, thank you. I will take my car as I will need to come back here. I
believe you have the address. I’ll meet you there. It’s about a thirty minute
drive from here.”
“Very well, I’ll see you there.” I can’t help but feel a stab of
disappointment.
I take another look at the photo of our daughter before I leave. She
watches me staring at it but doesn’t say a word.
I spend the half an hour drive trying to come up with some way to get
her to spend time with me, to talk to me. This is going to be so much harder
than I thought. Not that I anticipated it to be easy but I need to get past that
wall of indifference she’s put up.
Arriving at the property Alannah spends fifteen minutes showing me
around and giving me all the details of the size and what restrictions have
been placed on the land in terms of what can and can’t be built, as well as
the average selling prices for this area for the last year, but I don’t give a
shit about that. Being in her presence has me experiencing a confusing mix
of regret and sorrow. She refuses to look at me and insists on being formal.
She won’t answer my questions or talk to me about anything other than the
land. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do to get a reaction out of her.
Even if it’s a small one, telling me to get lost.
There’s only one way to get her to show me some sort of feeling so I go
for it.
“You look beautiful by the way. Motherhood really agrees with you.”
She spins on her heel, fire and hatred shooting out of her eyes.
“Are you even remotely interested in buying this land, Mr Moore or was
this some ploy to get to me?”
“Both.” I admit.
 She shakes her head and looks down at the ground briefly before
making eye contact once more. We hear a car come up the long dirt drive.
That must be her boss John O’Donnell coming up.
“Go to hell, Nicholas. Crawl back into the hole you came out from.”
With those words she turns around, walking away from me and back to
her car.
That went well.
CHAPTER 3
 A L A N NA H

I ’m on autopilot for the remainder of the day. I’m not thinking about
what I’m actually doing. My body is going through the motions while
my mind refuses to stop playing today over and over again.
I was so mad at John this morning. He basically threw me to the lion
unknowingly. The plan was to hide out in his office when Nick showed up
and wait there until they left. But then he called to tell me he was running
late and to show the first property to the client. I know it wasn’t his fault his
wife got food poisoning and he had to look after his girls and get them off
to school, but I had to blame someone for me being in this mess right now
and he was the easiest to point the finger at.
I tried to back out of it, telling him I’m not a salesperson and will screw
it up. But he insisted, saying I’ll do great. What the hell was I going to do,
how was I going to survive today?
I wasn’t prepared to see him when I stepped out of John’s office. Nick
was early. Seeing him brought back all the emotions I had pushed deep
down and away. All the hurt, anger, sadness, disappointment and every
memory of every moment we shared together.
He looked good. Really good. Asshole. He didn’t seem to have suffered
at all, unlike me. I wanted to smack the shit out of him. Although, however
fleeting, there was a very brief moment where I wanted to pretend that all
was okay between us. What the hell is wrong with me? Haven’t I learned
my lesson when it comes to him?
The sound of his voice gave my body goose bumps and reacted in the
way it always did when he was around. One look at him and my body had
come alive. Obviously my body doesn’t know he’s the enemy, unlike my
heart.
I saw him look at Charlie’s photo on my desk. She has his eyes, he can’t
deny that. He didn’t say anything about it so I have no indication of what
he’s thinking. His face stayed impassive. Why was he even here, standing
before me? Nicholas never did anything without a reason behind it.
I played the ice queen and stayed professional. It was the only way for
me to get through it without falling apart and lashing out at him. I’m
positive that John would not have appreciated me telling off his client.
John has never asked about Charlotte’s father and respects my privacy,
however if Nicholas is to be around more often I will have to come clean to
him so at least he understands why I go into a murderous rage around him.
I can’t believe he attempted to be friendly. Is he freaking nuts? I’m not
going to pretend to like him and make small talk. He tried asking me what
I’ve been up to, about my mother, how I like living here and about my job,
mundane stupid questions. The nerve of the man. I didn’t answer a single
one.
But nothing about our child.
His child.
I was never as happy as I was the moment I heard and then saw John
drive up. I could finally escape from Nick’s presence. Walking back to my
car I had to pass Wade who was waiting for his boss outside their rental
vehicle. He just nodded his head in greeting to me as I went by. I never
realised how much I have missed everyone back in Sydney until just now
by seeing Wade’s face. I was too busy being angry at Nick and raising my
daughter that I never thought about anyone else who was once a part of my
life. Deep breaths Alannah.
I somehow drove back to the office, finished out the day and now I find
myself outside the day care centre sitting in my car. Charlie can’t see me so
flustered and upset. I need to pull myself together. After a couple of minutes
of getting myself under control I get out and on wobbly legs and make my
way inside to collect Charlotte. I wrap her up in my arms and hug her tight
taking in her scent. I need the comfort of holding her close to me, knowing
she’s safe. What if he’s here to take her away from me? No, he wouldn’t,
would he? I mean after all this time he can’t just show up to play daddy and
fight for custody. Don’t get ahead of yourself and jump to conclusions. You
don’t know anything for certain.
 I get Charlie in her car seat, strap her in and drive us home. She’s
chatting away from the back seat telling me all about her day but I’m not
really paying attention and taking in what she’s saying. I keep looking back
at her through the rear view mirror to make sure she’s still there. God, I’m
acting crazy, she’s not just going to disappear.
Back home I make a start on food. I boil some pasta for Bolognese,
already having the meat sauce prepared when I last made a large batch and
froze it, so it only needs defrosting. I almost burn the garlic bread which my
daughter finds hilarious. Listening to her giggle has me giggling and finally
relaxing.
After a messy dinner, I’ve cleaned up and we’re both sitting out on our
back porch as it’s such a lovely evening with fruit and vanilla ice-cream for
dessert. I don’t want Charlie to pick up on the fact that I’m worried so I’m
trying to act like everything is normal but I’ve been feeling out of whack
since seeing her father again. How is it possible for him to still affect me so
much after all this time? Why is he back and what exactly does he want?
Then he goes and makes that comment about motherhood agreeing with
me. What the hell is he playing at?
Asshole.
CHAPTER 4
 N ICHOL A S

I t’s just gone seven o’clock in the evening when I park outside
Alannah’s home. It’s a cute light brick townhouse with flower boxes
under the windows filled with colourful assorted blooms and wooden
steps leading to the dark front door. I’m only in the city for a couple of days
and I need to get her to talk to me, even if I have to force her to, I have to
get her to listen to me. I’ve left it for far too long and I can’t let it go on any
longer.
I’m walking up the driveway when I hear voices coming from the back
of the house. I stop to listen. I won’t knock if she has a visitor. They must
be sitting outside in the yard because I can clearly hear their conversation.
“Mummy, where’s my daddy, why don’t I have one?” Is that her? Is
that her voice?
“What do you mean?” That’s Alannah.
“Well at school, Anthony said it’s his daddy’s birthday today and he’s
going to a special restaurant for dinner. Then he asked me what I do when
it’s my daddy’s birthday. I told him I don’t have one and he said that’s not
true, everyone has a daddy. So where’s mine?” She sounds so sweet. I look
down at the ground in shame.
What is she going to tell her? How will she handle this?
“Well sweetheart, what he told you is true. Everybody in the world has
both a mother and a father but sometimes families only have one or the
other, sometimes both. Sometimes kids have only two mummies or two
daddies. So you see there can be different combinations and it still makes
them a family just like you and me.”
 “But where is he, why doesn’t he live with us?”
“Umm…you see, your father lives far away from here in another big
city. Do you remember when we looked at the map of Australia? He’s on
the other side of the country to where we are. But you do have one. When
you were a baby he…he wasn’t sure if he would be able to look after you
and wasn’t ready to be a daddy because he was always very busy with
work. Maybe one day you will get to meet him but I love you more than
enough for the both of us.”
“Oh.” I hear. Her childish voice breaks my heart. That little ‘oh’
conveying all sorts of confused thoughts and emotions. I’m the biggest
fucking jerk around. It’s killing me to hear her so sad, but I have to admire
Alannah, she handled that so perfectly, rather than revealing the harsh truth
to our daughter, she’s an amazing mother. I’m an idiot.
A car comes to a stop in Alannah’s driveway so I hide around the corner
of the house to not be seen. It’s Gina, her mother. I’m certain she hates my
guts as well after what I did to her daughter. Gina knocks on the door and
from what I overhear when it opens is that she’s here to pick up our
daughter for a sleepover.
“Be good for grandma and have fun. I love you and I’ll see you
tomorrow.”
“Bye, Mummy.”
The door closes and Gina reappears holding the little girls hand, who is
skipping alongside her towards the car. This is the first time I’m laying eyes
on my child. My heart literally stops and skips a beat. She’s gorgeous with
those brown pigtails and in her yellow dress.
I swallow the lump in my throat and go to knock on the door more
determined to get my family back and it’s probably for the best that she’s
not here if it becomes ugly between her mother and I.
I rap three times on the wood and wait.
Alannah opens it talking, “Did you forget something?” She stops when
she sees me and tries to slam the door shut in my face. I grab hold of the
edge of it to stop her.
“Alannah please, we need to talk.”
“Why are you here? What do you want? We have nothing to say to each
other.”“That’s not true and you know it. Please, I need to apologise to you, I
need to tell you something. It’s important. We have a great deal to talk
about including our child.”
 “Oh, now we have a child together? I thought she was some other
bastard’s.” I can’t blame her for being angry. She has every right to be.
“I don’t want to do this on your door step. Can I please come in?”
She thinks about it, in the end opening the door wide enough for me to
enter, stepping back. I walk in and take in my surroundings. It’s small but
bright and cosy. I see all the photos of the two of them around the room and
on the walls. They’re smiling and look so happy. It’s my own damn fault
I’m not in any of them.
Alannah stands opposite me with her arms crossed, her defensiveness
loud and clear.
“Say what you need to say and get out. You’re not going to take her
away from me are you?” She sounds terrified by that thought and I watch
her eyes widen from the fear of it.
I take a deep breathe in then out and stick my hands in my pant pockets.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Alannah. For everything. I couldn’t see past my anger
and your supposed betrayal. I can’t go back and change what happened, all
I’m asking for is a chance to meet my daughter and maybe if you can find it
in your heart to forgive me, to give me a second chance. I will do anything
you ask of me, I will make it up to you somehow and no I don’t want to
take her away from you. I would never do that. I miss you. I still think
about you every day. I haven’t stopped loving you.”
She looks at me unimpressed and unbelievingly.
“Really? Just like that? You think all you need to say is I’m sorry to take
away five years of anger and pain.”
“No, I don’t, but it’s a start.” She uncrosses her arms and points a finger
at me.
“Let me tell you something. You were never there, not when I needed
you, not when I gave birth to our daughter, on all the sleepless nights, the
illnesses and fevers, not when she spoke her first words or took her first
steps, her first day of day care, none of it, it was all me so what do you
want, why now, Nicholas? You told me to my face that she wasn’t yours.”
“I was wrong, okay. I admit it. I was wrong and made a mistake. I
shouldn’t have accused you of cheating, but you were pregnant and I
couldn’t believe what you were telling me, that it was mine so I lashed out
at you.”
“And refused to speak to me, let’s not forget that. So what changed? All
of a sudden now you think she’s yours?”
 “Two years ago I had some tests done and found out that the vasectomy
I had reversed itself, which apparently sometimes occurs. I didn’t know that
could even happen. It’s taken me this long to get the courage to approach
you.”
“So you still didn’t believe it until you had fucking doctors tell you
otherwise. Wow, you’re some piece of work. Why did you never tell me
about it to begin with?”
“I don’t know, it just never came up, we never discussed children and I
had it done so long ago that I never really thought about it.”
She moves and sits on the couch. I slowly lower myself beside her,
leaving a decent amount of space between us. I’m watching her, however
she is staring off into space.
“I cried myself to sleep for months. You don’t get to do this. You can’t
fix this with a few words,” she whispers and I can hear the pain in her
words.
“I know, Alannah. Believe me I know.”
“You have had five years to come to me and tell me this, hell I was still
in Sydney for weeks but you didn’t come, you made no effort, you wiped
your hands clean of me so easily. You obviously didn’t care about me as
much as you said. You made it clear that I wasn’t worth it. You didn’t fight
for us, Nick. I had to learn how to survive with a broken heart because I had
no choice. It’s too little too late. I would have done anything for you, yet
you treated me worse than dirt on your shoes. It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t
get pregnant on my own, it takes two people.” She finally turns to face me,
her eyes that were so full of life are showing me nothing but sadness. “Over
the years there has been so much I wanted to say to you, to yell at you
about, and now that you’re here, I have nothing. You gave up on us, not
me.” Hearing her speech has me wishing I could invent a time machine to
go back in time and change our past. If anyone feels like dirt, it’s me.
How is she going to take this next piece of news?
“There’s something else and it’s important. The reason why I had the
vasectomy and didn’t want to have children in the first place is because of a
condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It’s a hereditary heart
condition which affects the muscular walls surrounding it. It makes it harder
for the heart to pump the blood out of it and around the body. I’m fine, but
I’m a carrier. My biological father had it and I could potentially pass it on to
any offspring I may have. I couldn’t go another day without knowing if the
child you had, that we made has it. I have to know if I have given her the
condition or a healthy heart.”
There, it’s now out there and I feel terrible that I had to tell her
something like this. I lost my biological father at the age of ten from the
disease, my mother having died when I was still a baby. The Moore’s
adopted me not long after my father’s death. Of all the things to be left
behind with, it had to be this fucking heart issue.
Alannah looks like her whole world has crashed and burned around her.
“WHAT?” She stands from the couch and towers over me. “How could
you keep this to yourself for so long? You God damn selfish bastard,” she
yells.
I also stand, where she begins to continuously hit against my chest
while crying. I take hold of her wrists and pull her into me, wrapping my
arms around her, letting her cry into my shirt. It feels good to have her in
my arms again evens if it’s just for a minute.
I talk softly in her ear.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Alannah, I never wanted any of this to happen.
When I truly accepted the fact that she’s mine all my fears came to the
surface. That day, I couldn’t handle the truth, or the possibility that my baby
would be born with something wrong because of me however there’s only a
fifty percent chance she may have it at all.”
She pulls away from me wiping her face.
“Not good enough, you should have told me sooner. I’ll get her tested,
but I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s never been sick besides the usual cold and
sore throat.” All I can do is nod and agree with her. “I hate you.” She tells
me.
“I know.” I reach over to wipe a tear from her cheek but she jumps away
from me.
“Don’t touch me,” she sneers.
I can’t explain the urge that comes over me but I kiss her. I grab her face
and bring her lips to mine. At first she freezes from the shock then puts her
hands on my chest to roughly push me away. I’ve dreamed about kissing
her again for far too long. However brief it was she tastes and feels exactly
like I remember. I need her to give us a second chance, not that I deserve it.
I’ll do anything she asks of me.
“What the hell are you doing? It’s time for you to go.” Her fingers run
across her lips. I would apologise but I’m not sorry.
 “Can I meet her? You don’t have to tell her who I am. I just want a
chance to spend some time with her.” She looks down at her feet.
“I really want to say no but I can’t do that to her.”
Taking that as my cue to leave I walk towards the door and she follows
behind me. I stop before opening it up to hand her my card with my contact
details.
I hesitate in the doorway. Why is it so hard to leave?
“What’s her name?”
“You didn’t have your people find that out for you?”
“No, I didn’t. I want to do this the right way.” She scoffs at that.
“Charlotte. I named her Charlotte because when I was pregnant I would
read Charlotte’s Web out loud to her and she would move around in me
more than usual.” She smiles at the memory.
“Goodnight, Alannah.”
“Goodbye, Nick.” She closes the door behind me.
I get in the car and drive back to the hotel. I suppose all things
considered tonight wasn’t a total disaster. I will make everything right
again. I will make us a family the way we should have always been if I
wasn’t so stupid. First though I need to meet Charlotte and see what the
doctors say before we can move forward.
CHAPTER 5
 A L A N NA H

T
mind.
onight wasn’t the relaxing night I was planning to have. From
Charlie asking those questions today of all days to Nick showing
up and dropping his bombs on me I feel as if I’m losing my

I spent a good five minutes after he left, sitting and crying by the front
door.
How dare he kiss me? I get angry again every time I think about it. Or
perhaps I’m madder at myself that I even reacted to his kiss. Not that I’ll
admit that to anyone.
I pour a glass of white wine, take it outside and sit on the steps leading
down to our backyard while I look up at the stars seeking answers.
What do I do?
I always said that if either one of them wanted to meet the other I
wouldn’t stand in the way of them having a relationship but how do I
handle this? How is it going to work? We live here, he’s in Sydney.
He tried to explain himself and wants a second chance but I’ve lost all
trust in him. He should have told me these things a long time ago. If he still
loved and missed me like he said why did he wait so long? How can I
believe anything he says? Now I’m panicking with the thought that there’s
something wrong with my daughter’s heart. He should have told me this
straight away, what if something had happened to her?
He’s a coward, that’s what he is.
Please God, give me the strength to get through these next couple of
days.
 I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning, my thoughts going
back and forth between Charlotte and Nicholas for hours.
My mind has been all over the place today at work, so much so that
John sent me home early when he returned to the office just after lunch, he
could tell something was up but is too polite to pry. He was out with
Nicholas again this morning but thank goodness I was spared from seeing
him. Last night was quite enough. Apparently Nick likes two of the lots of
land that were shown to him and will decide by next week which one he
will go ahead with purchasing. John was practically giddy with that news.
At least he’s pleasing someone around here.
I have a terrible headache, I’m tired and now I have to go pick up
Charlotte from my mother. She’s going to take one look at me and know
something is wrong. The question is how much do I actually tell her?
“I’m here,” I call out, walking in through the front door as a delicious
aroma hits my nose.
I find them in the kitchen eating cookies they obviously just finished
baking judging by the amount of flour everywhere and drinking milk.
Friday is their day together and Charlotte loves spending it with her Nana.
When I enrolled Charlie in day care my mother thought her attending five
days a week was a bit too much so offered to take her once a week for me
and they also get to have quality time together as well.
I kiss my daughter hello who smiles her big grin around her cookie at
me. I look very closely at her but she seems perfectly fine like she always
does. I have to believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She’s
a normal, happy and healthy little girl.
“Hi, darling. How was work?” My mother asks me looking over at the
time on the clock on the wall, probably wondering why I’m here already.
“Fine, I’ve got a bit of a headache so I left early.” Hopefully she buys it.
“Are you staying for dinner? Miss Charlotte here wanted tacos.”
“Sure, why not. Tacos sound great.”
Dinner is the usual noisy affair. Pat, my mother’s second husband, who
she married a little over two years ago and Charlie are competing to see
who can fit more into their mouth at once. Somehow my daughter wins and
has the mess all over her face to prove it. Out of the corner of my eye, I can
see my mother throwing knowing looks my way throughout the meal. I
tried to ignore her but I just know she’s going to start with the twenty
questions sooner or later.
After dinner I’m standing at the kitchen sink washing the dishes
watching Pat and Charlie watering the flowers in the garden through the
window.
“Okay, spill it. What’s been eating you all night?” I let out a sigh and try
to organise my thoughts. I finish rinsing the last dish, place it on the rack to
dry and pick up a tea towel to dry my hands before I turn to face my
mother.
Here we go.
“So…last night after you left with Charlie I had an unexpected visitor.”
Very unexpected.
“Who?” She’s aware that I don’t have very many friends here.
I turn back towards the window to check that Charlotte is still outside
and can’t hear us. When I face my mother again I raise one eyebrow, pretty
much saying who do you think and her eyes widen. “Well…umm.” Maybe
if I don’t say it, it didn’t really happen?
“No.” She gasps.
“Yes. Nick showed up.” I confirm running my palm across my eyes. I
wish I could sleep this day away.
“That son of a bitch! Why? What did he want?” She slams her palm
down on the sink. Georgia Stewart is definitely not his fan.
“To apologise for what he did, the way he treated me and to meet his
daughter apparently.”
“Oh, so now she’s his daughter. Where the hell has he been? Why, I
have a good mind to go to him right now and give him a piece of my mind.
Who the hell does he think he is showing up after all this time? You’re both
better off without him.” She has raised her voice significantly so I point
outside telling her to keep it down. The last thing I want is for Charlotte to
hear her yelling.
“Look, Mum, I know how you feel about him and no matter how angry
I am at him too, the fact of the matter is that he is her father, that’s not going
to change and I’m not going to stop them having a relationship. It wouldn’t
be fair to Charlotte. I love you and I understand you want to protect me but
please stay out of it. If it works out great, if not, then at least she can’t turn
around when she’s older and blame me for standing in the way of her not
knowing her father.”
My mother is standing there looking at me with a look of bewilderment.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Alannah. Just don’t let him walk
all over you and try to make all the rules here. Remember, you’re the one
who’s had to raise her on your own for so long.”
“I am perfectly aware of that, you don’t need to remind me.”
“Okay, so you’re doing this for your daughter. What about you?”
“What about me?” I frown. What does this have to do with me?
My mother cups my face as she stares into my eyes. “He wants to meet
Charlotte, but where do you fit in?” I shift my eyes down towards the black
and white tiled kitchen floor and shrug at her question.
“Nowhere.” I reply.
“Sweetheart, you can’t fool me, no matter how much you deny it I know
you still have feelings for him. You think I don’t know that’s why you
haven’t even given another man a real chance with you. Don’t let him break
you again, Alannah, once was more than enough. He doesn’t deserve any
second or third chances after abandoning you.”
I step away from her. Does she think I’m so weak that I’ll allow him to
come into my life and give him the opportunity to cause me more pain?
“You’re wrong, about everything. We should get going. I’ll call you on
Sunday.”
My mother always knows how to push my buttons to get me pissed off.
I don’t need to constantly be reminded that I’m doing this on my own. I’m
living it every single day. The reason I haven’t given any other guy a
chance is because I’m not willing to fall so deeply again, only to be left
devastated. I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way.
Charlotte was yawning in the car on the way home. When we get back I
put her straight in the bath, and then tuck her in bed before reading her a
story where she manages to fall asleep in the first five minutes. She looks so
peaceful. I sit there a while longer gently running my hand through her hair.
Her little world is about to be shaken up. I pray and hope this doesn’t end
badly and hurt her.
I tiptoe out of her room and make my way to my own bedroom. I fall
back on my bed feeling weary. I had forgotten how tiring dealing with a
certain grey eyed millionaire can be. I hold Nick’s business card in one
hand and my phone in the other. This is the right thing to do, even if he
doesn’t deserve it. I quickly dial his number before I change my mind and
wait for him to answer.
“Nick Moore.”
“Um…hi, it’s me.”
“Alannah? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I was wondering if tomorrow morning would suit you
to come over to meet Charlotte. Say around ten o’clock.”
“Absolutely, I’ll be there. Thank you, Alannah. I appreciate it so much.”
I can hear his joy over the speaker. Where was this happiness before?
“I’ll see you then.” I hang up and rub my temples. I just have to get
through tomorrow. One day at a time. It’s going to be a long weekend and
I’m going to get a stomach ulcer before all this is over.
After another restless night spent tossing and turning I get up and dress
in a simple green sun dress. I need to tell Charlie about Nick coming over
while we have breakfast to prepare her. She is devouring her cereal while I
finish my tea, my stomach is not up to handling food this morning. Nick
will be here in an hour so it’s now or never.
“Charlotte.” She raises her head to look at me. “We’re going to see an
old friend of mine today, actually he’s coming over here to our house. His
name is Nicholas and he lives in Sydney where mummy used to live a long
time ago before you were born. He wants to visit because I haven’t seen
him in a long time and he wanted to come over and meet you too. What do
you say to that?”
“Okay. Can I go play now, I’m finished?” Just like that she takes it on
board and agrees. It’s so simple for her.
“Sure.” She runs off leaving me to collect her bowl and cup.
Right on ten there’s a knock at the door and the butterflies in my
stomach increase tenfold. Exhaling deeply, I open up and there he is, in a
blue polo shirt and dark jeans. It should be illegal to look this good so early
in the morning. His dark hair is damp from his morning shower. The image
of a naked Nicholas Moore with water running down his chest pops into my
head. Really woman? This is neither wanted nor helpful in this moment.
Snap out of it. He’s been here one day and already you’re picturing him
naked.
“Hi.” I say.
“Morning, these are for you. Thanks for doing this, Alannah.” He hands
me a bunch of flowers. Yellow roses to be exact.
 “Thank you.”
While I was pregnant I spent a lot of time in the garden with my mother
and Pat where I learnt the meaning of some of their flowers. Yellow roses
can be a symbol of new beginnings. He is also holding a single daisy,
meaning hope, with a yellow ribbon tied around the stem. We hear tiny
steps running down the hall and turn at the same time to see our daughter
come running into the room.
Charlotte sees him and stops in her tracks, she changes direction,
running up behind me to hide and peek around my legs. I coax her around
to stand before me with my hand on her shoulder.
“Charlotte, this is my friend Nicholas that I told you about.” Nicholas
kneels down on one knee before her.
“Hello, Charlotte. I’m so happy to meet.” He gives her the daisy and
shakes her hand making my daughter giggle. Smooth, Moore. I watch his
eyes move, scanning her face all over taking her in.
“Thank you. If you’re mummy’s friend you can call me Charlie.”
“Charlie?” He asks looking my way.
“Her nickname. When she was younger she had trouble pronouncing
her name and it sounded like Charlie, it kind of stuck.” I explain.
“Okay then. Charlie it is, I like it.”
I’m watching them together for the first time, interacting with each
other. I don’t know what I was expecting but somehow seeing him here
with her makes me even more resentful that he, for lack of a better word,
abandoned us. Control your emotions Alannah. Deal with it when Charlie’s
not around.
“Come in, would you like some coffee?” I need to play the welcoming
host. Even if I can’t drink it I still keep it in the house for others.
“No, I’m good, thanks, I just had breakfast.” He stands back up and
steps inside as I close the door behind him.
It goes quiet. Now what?
Charlie breaks the silence. “Do you want to come see my cubby house
that my grandpa Dennis built me?” She asks him.
“I sure do, lead the way.”
She loves that thing. I’m not surprised she asked him to see it. She grabs
his hand and pulls Nick through the house and out the back door. She seems
comfortable with him, so that’s a good sign isn’t it? I was afraid he would
unintentionally intimidate her like he tends to do with others.
 I put the roses in a vase before stepping out onto the porch to watch
them play. I think it’s best if I stay back and observe them for the time
being. After all, Nick needs to build a relationship with his daughter, not
me. But he said he wants you back too. Yeah well he can go sit on a cactus
for all I care. Charlotte is showing him all the features of her house and
then pulls out her hula hoop. She demonstrates then passes it over to Nick.
Now this should be fun to watch, Nicholas Moore, trying to hula hoop. He
places it around his waist and spins but it just falls straight down, his hips
doing nothing at all. I hear Charlotte laugh and say, “That’s not how you do
it silly.”
I never thought this is a sight I would see, Nicholas Moore playing with
a child, his child to be exact. I’m glad he didn’t come over here with his
CEO persona on show. Fuck! I just realised if the media gets wind of why
he’s here or who Charlotte and I are, we’re going to be hounded. Shit, I’ll
need to talk to him about trying to keep us out of the spotlight. Since his
company started raking in the millions, expanding with multiple buildings
going up, with some of his designs even winning awards, he’s been
followed around and photographed on occasion, the fact he’s also young
and handsome as well as talented making him newsworthy.
He takes a break from playing after twenty minutes and comes to join
me on the deck.
“She’s amazing, beautiful and so smart.”
“I know.” I’ve been here.
“You’ve done an incredible job. I’m sorry-” I stop him.
“Save it. I don’t want your apologies, Nick. I called around this morning
and made an appointment for her to see a cardiologist in two weeks’ time.
That’s the earliest appointment I could get.”
“Okay, great. The sooner the better.” I don’t know what else to say to
him so the silence between us grows. “I’m flying back to Sydney tonight
but would it be okay if I call Charlie during the week so I can get to know
her better?”
“That will be fine.” I know he has to return to Sydney but how long
before he comes back again? If he returns that is, he might go home and
realise he prefers the bachelor life.
“I would like to spend some more time with the both of you before I
have to head back. Can I take you out for lunch?” He has me so confused
and I really want to say no.
Charlotte sees us watching her and waves to us with a grin on her face.
This is for her.
I place a fake smile on my face and tell him we’d love to.
CHAPTER 6
 N ICHOL A S

W ade was waiting for me outside so I suggest we take the one

car. Alannah tries to argue about it not having a booster seat
but that argument didn’t last long once I opened the back door
showing her the one I had already placed inside. I’m nothing if not
prepared.
Wade and Alannah greet each other rather uncomfortably. He glances
down at Charlotte who is holding Alannah’s hand then back into my eyes.
I’m sure he has quite a lot he wants to say to me regarding the situation but
values his job too much.
Alannah suggests a restaurant that serves great pasta that Charlotte
enjoys so that’s where we head for lunch. Charlotte is a chatter box and I
can’t get enough of listening to her speak. Sitting at this table with them
both, this is what it should have been like all along. A happy family, out
enjoying a meal together. God I was so stupid. Why didn’t I hear her out? I
will get us there, no matter how long it takes or how hard I need to fight,
I’m not giving up.
Every time Charlotte is not paying attention Alannah’s shutters come
down, becoming cool and distant with me at the table. I wasn’t all that
surprised when she introduced me as a friend. No matter how we go about
it, it will be a shock to our daughter when she finds out the truth about who
I am. It’s not as simple as saying Hi, I’m your father, sorry for not being
around. I know I was a grade-A asshole, a major jerk, call me any name
under the sun and I’ll agree with you.
 I was so nervous when I knocked on their door this morning. What if
she didn’t like me or was scared of me? I brought the flowers hoping to
break the ice a little. Essentially I’m a stranger, but I’m loving every
moment I’m spending with her, with both of them. All it took was one
second to fall in love with her. It will be difficult leaving them but this is
just the beginning for the three of us. I need to stay optimistic.
Leaving the restaurant following lunch I was preparing myself to drop
them off home and head back to the hotel when Charlotte asked to go play
at the park across the road. Alannah hesitated at first but eventually agreed.
“Can you push me on the swing, Mr Nick?”
“Sure I can, sweetheart.” Charlotte pulls me by the hand once more
towards the swings. Her hand is so tiny in mine. I know I’ll do anything and
everything in my power to protect her and her mother. It’s not too late.
She sits down and waits for me to strap her in. Once I’ve done so I walk
around to stand behind her and gently push. I have no idea how hard I’m
supposed to push her or if she’s afraid of heights.
A real father would know these things.
Alannah has taken a seat on one of the park benches nearby watching
us, giving us this time together. I continue to push the swing over and over
again but not really concentrating on the task as my gaze is on Alannah. She
doesn’t look happy but is putting on a brave face. I know her better than she
knows herself. All this is a front. A show for our daughter. I need to spend
time alone with her to talk, but it’s too soon, I know that. If I push she’ll get
mad. I just need to have patience and faith.
I’m too much in my head that I’m not paying attention to what I’m
really doing until I hear Charlotte say something that stops my heart. My
entire body freezes in fact.
“Higher, daddy.” I immediately stop the swing and kneel in front of her.
“What did you just say?” I whisper in wonder.
Just the sound of her calling me that name fills me with pride and
warmth. I didn’t think I would hear those words so soon. They’re magical.
“I said higher, daddy?” She looks uncertain and bites her lower lip, just
like her mother does when she’s nervous.
“Why did you call me that?”
“Umm...because you’re my daddy,” she repeats.
“How do you know that, Charlotte?”
 “I’ve seen old photos of mummy’s and you are in them and we have the
same eyes. And you have a dimple right here,” she points to my left cheek,
“just like me and last night I made a wish that you would come and you
did.”
Shit. That’s right. I overheard their conversation where she was asking
Alannah about her father. I don’t know if I should do this or wait for
Alannah but it feels natural to admit it to her. She figured it out on her own
anyway.
“Yes, Charlie, you’re right I am your dad. I’m sorry I wasn’t here
before.” Tears fill my eyes as I kiss her on her soft cheek. I want to take her
in my arms and hug her but I’m not sure if she would be comfortable with
that yet.
There we are, her on the swing, me kneeling in front of it, both smiling
crazily at each other. Then she frowns at me.
“Where have you been? Didn’t you love me to come and see me?” My
heart splinters into a billion pieces at her innocent questions. How do I
explain my absence when all I want to do is erase the past few years?
“I was lost but I found you and I’m here now.”
“Silly, Daddy,” she smiles and giggles once more.
Alannah walks over to us. “What’s wrong?” She asks worriedly.
“Nothing, everything is perfect.” I say not taking my eyes off my
daughter.
Charlotte looks up at her mother happily.
“He’s my daddy. I knew he would come.” She states to her and I hear
Alannah’s gasp. So much for telling her once I got to know her better. She’s
one smart little girl. Alannah quickly turns accusing eyes my way so I stand
up with hands raised.
“I promise I didn’t say anything to her, she just figured it out and said it.
I wasn’t going to lie to her.” Before Alannah can respond, a little boy comes
running up to us jumping on to the vacant swing next to us.
“Hi, Charlie.”
“Hi, Stevie.”
Following behind him is a man, who is obviously his father going off
their resemblance.
“Anna, Charlie, good to see you guys.” Alannah’s eyes widen as he
greets her with a kiss to the cheek. He then turns and hi-fives Charlotte.
 Who the hell is this fucker and why is he so familiar with my girls?
Who does he think he is calling her Anna? She hates being called that, only
letting her father get away with it. He’s roughly the same height as me with
black wavy hair and blue eyes. It’s obvious he works out and looks after
himself based on the size of his chest and arms.
“Day out at the park?” He asks.
“Umm…yeah.” Alannah stammers. “Henry this is Nick, an old friend
from Sydney.” She introduces us nervously, her teeth finding her bottom lip.
We briefly shake hands. He gives me a curious look as if I’m familiar to
him, trying to place where he knows me from. Yeah, good luck with that
dickhead. I turn back to Charlotte but she has run off with Stevie, taking
turns going up and down the slide. I take a couple of steps away from them
and sit down on the bench Alannah was seated on earlier whilst I keep an
eye on my daughter and at the same time side eyeing her mother as she
quietly chats to the fucker. I don’t like how close he’s standing to her. Or
the fact his hand is touching her elbow. I clench and unclench my fists. I
know I have no right to be reacting this way but it’s a natural instinct.
Ten minutes later Charlotte comes back complaining to Alannah that
she’s tired and rubbing her eyes. They say goodbye to Henry and his kid, I
get a wave and head nod from him, then we head back to where Wade is
waiting with the car.
“Daddy can you carry me?”
“Absolutely. Come here.” Alannah stops and gawks in surprise.
I lean down, grab her under her arms and hoist her up, her little arms
automatically wrapping around my neck, her legs going around my waist. I
can’t explain this feeling, what it means to be holding her close to me, she’s
so trusting in the way she has just accepted me so easily. Her mother on the
other hand is a different story.
She’s fast asleep within two minutes of placing her in the car. The drive
to their house is filled with silence. Alannah won’t even look at me. I wish I
knew what she was thinking and her thoughts on how today went.
I assist her by carrying Charlotte inside to lay her in her bed. She briefly
wakes and looks up at me.
“Bye, Charlie. I need to go home now but I promise I’ll be back to see
you again very soon okay.” It hurts saying that. I push her hair back off her
face then place a kiss on her temple before walking out of her room.
Alannah is waiting for me in the lounge room with an envelope in her
hands.
“I put this together for you this morning. It’s just some baby photos I
thought you might like to see.”
“Thank you,” I say as I reach over to take it from her.
We’re both standing there awkwardly.
“I’ll call you in a couple of days but I would like to come back as soon
as I can manage it.”
“You want to come back?” I don’t know why she sounds so surprised. I
told her what I want.
“Of course I do. Alannah, I told you I want to make this work.” I edge
closer to where she’s standing and run my finger along her cheek. She takes
a step back. It crushes me that she doesn’t even want to be near me.
“No, I can’t. You need to build your relationship with your daughter.”
“What about our relationship? I know you still feel something for me. I
can see it in your eyes.” Her caramel coloured orbs survey me, darting
around my face, landing on my mouth. I want to hold her and kiss her. Take
away the hurt with my lips and hands. Feel her melt against me again. She’s
fighting a losing battle with herself and her heart.
“We have no relationship, Nicholas. Look, I’m not going to keep your
daughter from you but I swear to God if you hurt her, get her hopes up and
then let her down I will come to that fucking penthouse of yours and kill
you myself. Is that clear? Don’t let her think she can depend on you if you
don’t plan on being here.”
“Very well.” Mama bear is not messing around. I ask the question that
has been burning a hole in my mind for the past hour. “Who the hell is
Henry anyway? You looked mighty close.”
“Just a friend and none of your business.”
“It is my business if he hangs around my daughter.” Her eyes are
shooting rays of anger when she lifts her hand to point her finger at me.
“Don’t you fucking dare, you have no right to tell me what to do or who
can or can’t be around my daughter when you’ve been here for a fucking
day. You want to know who Henry is, fine, but you asked for this, he’s a
single father whose son goes to the same kindergarten as Charlotte, I met
him two years ago. We have a mutual arrangement. Want me to be clearer?
We’re friends with benefits. He’s my fuck-buddy. Happy now, Mr Moore?”
She hisses.
 No I’m not happy, I’m fucking livid and seeing red. That fucker has had
what’s mine.
“So what, does that mean you’re going to continue fucking him even
though I told you I want us to try again?”
“I never agreed to that, Nicholas and I certainly won’t be fucking you.”
I’m absolutely certain my face looks thunderous before I storm out the
front door and walk away before I say or doing something I know I’ll
regret.
Just fucking great.
So much for leaving on a good note.
CHAPTER 7
 N ICHOL A S

I
again.
t takes me hours to cool down. I’m half way back to Sydney on the
company’s private plane before I feel my anger subside but it’s still
lingering below the surface and it won’t take much to set me off

Fuck!
Fucking Henry!
What a shitty name.
Dick!
I just assumed she wouldn’t be seeing anyone. I don’t know why, maybe
I thought that her whole life would revolve around looking after our
daughter. I know how that sounds and makes me an even worse asshole
than I already am. Did I honestly think she wouldn’t have any sort of social
life? That she sat around at home every night?
Were you expecting her to be pining for you, Nick?
I need to find out everything I can on the fucker and make a note to
remind myself to run a search on him when we land. How many guys can
there be with that name in that city? No matter what she says I have every
right to know everything about him. She was correct in one respect, I don’t
have any right to tell her what to do but it bothers me, the fact that he’s
there, closer to them than I am.
I can’t believe she’s fucking some guy. It never crossed my mind that
she might even be in a relationship. Alannah was never the type to use
someone just for sex. She wanted the fairy tale romantic love. Has she
really changed that much over the years? Do I know anything about her
anymore?
He looks like a limp dick anyway, wouldn’t know how to use it
properly. I bet he has never made her scream and come as loud and hard as I
have. Is she really sleeping with him or did she lie to me just to piss me off?
God damn it. I’m going to drive myself crazy over it.
I’ve been constantly looking at the photos she gave me. There were
about ten of them in the envelope of Charlotte as a baby spanning up until
recently. She is smiling in every single one of them. Seeing her happy in
them causes me to grin. She was a beautiful baby. I’m even more disgusted
and angry at myself for not being there. I bang the side of the wall beneath
the window letting some of my frustration out.
My favourite picture is of the two of them in the hospital. Alannah
looks so young and beautiful holding a new born Charlie in her arms, her
head bowed down towards her; she looks exhausted and happy at the same
time. I can feel the love pouring out of her as she gazes at our daughter. I’ve
missed out on so much. I have no idea if she had an easy birth or any
complications. I should have been there to hold her hand.
Tears spring to my eyes. My chest aches and feels heavy from the guilt.
I put all the photos back in their envelope then slip it inside my jacket
pocket. How do I go home alone to an empty apartment after spending the
day with them? I wish I went to them sooner. If only I could have. Perhaps
she would have forgiven me easier if I had.
I couldn’t have wished for today to go better than it did with Charlotte. I
bonded with her so quickly. The only way I can describe her is amazing in
every single way.
When I finally land back in Sydney it’s raining and my mood plummets
as the plane touches down. I need to force myself to rise out of my seat to
disembark. Wade is standing in the middle of the aisle, his hands behind his
back blocking my exit. I should have been expecting this and prepare
myself for his lecture. Wade has been with me since the very beginning
when Rick and I started our company. We needed someone in charge of
security measures at our sites to ensure material wouldn’t be stolen and go
missing. Wade was in the army when he was younger so his security
expertise has been brilliant over the years. Over time his role has changed
to more of delegating the overseeing of security for all aspects of my life
and business to travelling with me. Working for me suits him, he doesn’t
have a family, so anywhere I need to fly or need to go he’s there with me,
he’s someone I can rely on and I consider him a friend.
“Spit it out, Wade. Whatever you need to say, just say it.”
“Sir, I know you’re my boss and I would never disrespect you but for
this one moment let’s pretend you’re not. I could never understand what
went wrong and why Miss Stewart left so suddenly. I came back from my
weekend off to find her gone and nobody was allowed to say her name. It’s
all become very clear now. That little girl is obviously yours and the reason
we flew to Perth in the first place and if I’m not wrong the reason Miss
Stewart disappeared. I don’t know what you did but I can only guess you
were stupid and selfish. I used to think I was proud to work for a man such
as you but I can no longer say that. You have kept things from me and
everyone else. You should have told me, as your head of security you didn’t
think I had to know you had a child out there. What if someone had found
out and tried to use her against you? For five years you have kept this
secret. You should have told me. I have kept a secret for you for two years
now because you asked me to, against my better judgment. If things had
turned out differently I would have had no clue of her existence. I cannot do
my job effectively without all the facts. That is all, Sir.”
I don’t know if he’s more pissed at the fact that I didn’t trust him
enough to tell him about Alannah and the baby or that I wasn’t in their
lives. What’s one more person hating me?
“You’ve said your piece and you’re right about everything. However it’s
more complicated than that. I promise you full disclosure going forward
and, Wade I do appreciate you not saying anything to anyone.” He only
nods back at me before turning to exit the plane.
In my bed that night I fall asleep staring at a photo of Alannah and
Charlotte. The two and only most important people in my family right at
this moment. I have a lot to make amends for. If Alannah never forgives me
I can’t really blame her can I. I really showed her what kind of a monster I
am.
I spend Monday catching up on work and call my mother around lunch
time. I ask her to get the family together tonight and that I need to talk to
them all. It’s safe to say she was at first shocked that I called and wanted to
visit when I have kept my distance for so long. She started worrying that
something was wrong until I insisted it wasn’t. It’s time I told them about
Charlotte. She’s going to be a permanent part of my life and hopefully her
mother as well.
My hands are sweating as I walk into my parent’s house that evening. I
need to be prepared for whatever they throw my way. My mother was so
happy when I announced that Alannah and I were getting married, she was
so afraid I was going to end up alone because I was married to my job and
nearing my thirties, but then afterwards when I refused to explain anything
about our break up I could see the disappointment, sadness and confusion in
her eyes every time she looked my way. Nobody could understand. I know
it took a lot for her to not hound and question me and over time I just stayed
away for longer and longer periods of time. I spent more and more time
over at the London office just to avoid my family. I couldn’t be around
them. I know that makes me a shitty son and brother but I am who I am and
it was easier to stay away.
To be perfectly honest I’m surprised Alannah hadn’t gone to my family
in all this time. She could have thrown me under the bus at any time. I’m
positive they will all take her side once they hear what I have to say.
Appearing in the doorway of the family room I notice everyone is
already here. My parents and younger sister are laughing at something. I
clear my throat to gain their attention before saying hello and taking a seat
on the couch on the opposite side of the room. The room is silent, everyone
expectantly waiting on me. I rub my hands over my face then over my
thighs. There is no easy way to say it. I just need to do it as quickly as
possible.
“Son.” My dad greets me.
“Nick.” My sister leans back in her seat, crossing her arms.
“What’s going on?” My mother smiles encouragingly at me.
“There’s something important I need to tell you all and I hope you can
understand and not hate me for it. The reason Alannah and I broke up and
she left. The morning of that day she told me that she was pregnant and I
reacted very badly to the news. Years ago I had a vasectomy because I
didn’t want to have children on account of the heart condition I carry. I
couldn’t risk passing it on. I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe that the baby
was mine and I accused her of cheating on me. At the time I never knew
that the vasectomy had the chance of reversing itself. I kicked her out and
haven’t seen or spoken to her for the last five years, until this past weekend.
I have a daughter. She’s four years old and gorgeous. Her name is Charlotte.
I’m sorry for not telling you any of this earlier. I was too angry at first and
afterwards when I realised my mistake I was too ashamed.”
I hear the gasps from my parents and sister when I finish speaking. My
mother rises from her spot and comes to stand in front of me. I also stand
before her. If looks could kill I would be dead at her feet in this moment.
Mary Moore is not a lady you want to upset, she has a way of making you
feel terrible for letting her down. You never want to see her look at you with
disappoint. Except that’s what I’m witnessing right now.
“How could you? How could you be so selfish and stupid? That girl
loved you. I thought you felt the same way. Didn’t you even care enough to
have a DNA test to make sure one way or another first? Alannah of all
people, Nicholas? You accused her of being unfaithful to you. I thought I
knew you better. No wonder you never told us the real reason you two
broke up and she just disappeared. And what do you mean you had a
vasectomy?” She starts to pace back and forth across the room. “That girl
was the best thing that ever happened to you and you threw her away. Oh
my God, I cannot believe this. I should have tried harder to track her down.
When did you realise you were wrong after all?”
“Two years ago. I had a medical check-up and the doctor asked for a
sperm sample.” I admit quietly not making eye contact.
My mother looks at me stunned.
“Two years? It’s taken you this long to go to her and tell us. Why,
Nicholas? Why on this earth have you waited so long?”
“It’s complicated, mother.”
“Then UN-COMPLICATE IT,” she screams. “I have a granddaughter.
What does she look like? I want to meet her. Where has she been?”
“Alannah has been living in Perth with her mother.
My sister jumps up, fury pouring out of her tiny body, directed at me.
“You lied to me. Every time I asked you about Alannah you specifically
told me she wanted nothing to do with our family and I couldn’t understand
why. I loved her like my own sister. I am so hurt by this and you.”
“Mel-” I don’t get the chance to reply as my sister runs out of the room.
Mel was close to Alannah and couldn’t wait to be her sister. She was
devastated when I advised the family that the wedding was off. She often
called me wanting to know what happened and where Alannah was, until I
exploded at her and basically told her to stay out of my life, which is what
she essentially did. Another deed to add to my list of fuck ups.
 “I thought I raised you to always do the right thing, to know right from
wrong, to be honest and respectful, to always put family first, but you are
selfish, because those two are family.” My mother continues her lecture.
“Alannah and Charlotte are family but obviously I failed somewhere along
the line. I have never been so disappointed.” She points her finger at me,
eyes glaring and mouth a thin line. “You are going to give me her phone
number so I can speak to Alannah and get me in the same room as my
granddaughter as soon as possible. It seems we have all let her down.”
Done yelling at me she spins on her heel, leaving the room and me standing
there feeling small.
My father stands up from his armchair glowering at me.
“All I can say is that I agree with your mother and I too am very
disappointed. Nothing can ever make up for what you did and the time you
have stolen from us with our granddaughter. You do know that Alannah
could have come after you for a heck of a lot of child support. The fact that
she didn’t says a lot about her character. Just pray that your mother decides
to forgive you. You really went to see them?”
“I did.” I nod in affirmation.
“I hope she makes your life hell. You deserve nothing less.”
Safe to say everybody hates me. He follows my mother out of the room
leaving me alone. I leave my parent’s house without saying goodbye to
anyone and take my sorry ass back home where I have a lonely dinner
waiting for me. I need to talk to Alannah about setting up a day for my
parents to meet Charlotte when she’s ready. My mother said as soon as
possible but I’m going to leave that up to Alannah.
I call to speak to Charlie before it gets too late here considering I’m
three hours ahead of them. I wait for the call to connect expecting to hear
Alannah’s voice but it’s Charlie that answers.
“Hi, daddy.” She sounds all excited.
“Hey baby girl, how was your day today?”
I sit back and listen to her tell me all about what she has been up to
since I left. I went out at lunch and bought a photo frame. One of the photos
Alannah gave to me now sits proudly in front of me on my desk. I stare at it
while I have her sweet angelic voice in my ear.
I make a silent vow to her that I will get her and her mother back home,
here where they belong, maybe in a great big house with lots of room to run
around and play. One day.
CHAPTER 8
 A L A N NA H

I was so mad when Nick left last weekend. How dare he dictate
anything to me, as if I am going to listen to anything he says? I can’t
believe he actually thinks I’m going to give him another chance to
hurt me again. No, it’s best for everyone involved to not go down that path.
Our main priority needs to be Charlotte only. I know him, how determined
he is when he wants something but this is one time the great Nicholas
Moore will not win.
This whole past week since Nick walked back into my life has had me
feeling off balance. It was the same the first time we met but that was in a
good way, this time I’m filled with worry and anxiety and fear. Fear of this
new future I’m now facing. I can only relax again knowing he’s back on his
side of the country.
After he stormed out of here I called my mother to vent. I called him
every name under the sun I could think of and she just agreed with me. All
those awful thoughts and memories I managed to push away about him over
the years chose that very moment to resurface and I ended up crying to my
mother for over half an hour. Haven’t I been tortured enough because of
him? Why can’t he pretend that I don’t exist again? He did a fine job of it
for so long. Eventually when I had calmed down I told my mother how their
first meeting went and that Charlotte knows who he is.
All she had to say to me was, “Well, Alannah it seems you’re going to
have him around in one way or another for the next fourteen years at least. I
suggest you find a way to deal with him that doesn’t lead to you turning
into a wreck every single time.”
 I just wanted her to understand and listen, not give me a lecture.
On top of that Charlotte has been bugging me, questioning when she’s
going to be able to see him again but I can’t answer that for her. I have
come to realise how much she has actually missed and wanted having a
father around. I tried my best to be both for her but it wasn’t enough. Just
like every other little girl out there she wanted someone to look up to, to be
her protector and prince charming. Who’s going to be your prince
charming? You thought you found him then look what happened.
I’ve given up on the so called fairy tale.
Nick has called to speak to his daughter every night before bed time and
she looks forward to those calls so much, constantly making plans of what
they will do together when he’s here. She is so excited, all I can do is nod
and smile when she hangs up with her father and then proceeds to tell me
about their conversation. What will happen the first time something comes
up with work and he breaks a promise? I’ll be left here to pick up the
pieces, that’s what, because with Nicholas, work always came first in the
past, he needs to prove he’s changed.
I avoided speaking with Nick the first couple of times he called due to
how he left from here but that was just childish. I was better and more
mature than that. When we did speak we both tried to keep it civil and leave
emotions out of it.
“Nicholas.”
“Alannah.”
“I wanted to ask if you’ve thought about what will happen if people see
us together or the tabloids get wind of you constantly flying out here and
finding out about Charlotte. What’s going to happen? I don’t want a circus
around us.”
“I understand what you’re saying. If or until that happens, you have
nothing to worry about, otherwise I will have the PR team release a
statement confirming she’s my daughter and has been living with her
mother. I think that would be the best way to go. But if that does occur then
you will need security around. I don’t want to take any unnecessary
chances.”
I groan fearing the worst. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen for a long
time. We should be pretty safe here but what if he wants her to go visit him
instead? I dread the answer but ask it anyway.
 “We should be fine here, nobody knows who I am although what about
if you want her to come visit you in Sydney, it will be hard to hide unless
you keep her hidden away in your apartment the entire time.”
“No, I’ll keep coming to you where she’s comfortable so don’t worry
about it. Also I told my family the truth about what happened between us
and my parents want to meet her but I’m not going to rush you. Whenever
you’re ready let me know and I’ll organise everything.”
“I have to go, Charlie’s waiting to speak with you.”
That was three days ago and I can’t help wondering about what I will
say to his parents when I do see them. Was I wrong to not go to them? Did I
run away because it was easier? No Alannah, stop it, you did what you
thought was best at the time. I had to get away from there. I can’t help but
wonder now though if things would have worked out differently if I stayed
but I couldn’t. The way he treated me was unforgivable, even if I had stayed
in Sydney he made certain that I could never look at him with affection
again. Yes, I left because I was heartbroken; Nick ruined us and showed me
the worst side of him. Perhaps back then his family believed his story that I
cheated on him which is why they didn’t bother reaching out to me. I was
too afraid to go to them myself. I needed all the support I could get back
then and felt abandoned by everyone I thought cared about me, so I left
them all behind too. I need to apologise to Nick’s parents for robbing them
of these years with their granddaughter. I’m mature enough to now admit I
could have handled it differently. I hope they can forgive me.

I’ M GETTING READY TO GO OUT FOR DINNER WITH H ENRY . M Y MOTHER AND

Pat are here to keep an eye on Charlotte for me for a couple of hours, who
is currently in the middle of her nightly talk with her father.
I step out of my bedroom to collect and put on my watch which I left in
the kitchen earlier when I hear my daughter give away my plans for the
evening.
“Grandma is here and we’re going to watch a movie together because
mummy is going out for dinner, she looks so pretty.”
I stop and stare at my daughter then my mother with wide eyes. Shit, I
didn’t want him knowing that because frankly, it’s none of his business but
at the same time I could care less. My mother just smiles and shrugs her
shoulders at me. I have no idea what his reaction to that piece of news was
because Charlotte just continued talking about what movie she plans on
watching.
There’s not much to say about my relationship with Henry. My mother
pushed me to go out on a date with him after I told her about the first time
he asked me out. I honestly couldn’t understand why he wanted to bother
with me, a single mother with a lot of baggage. I gave in and we tried
dating for a few months but neither one of us was truly ready or felt it was
working the way it should be. His wife unfortunately died due to
complications from childbirth and he’s also had a hard time raising his son
on his own so I can empathise with him. The spark was missing between us
but our arrangement works, friends with benefits when we need each other
and an ear to listen when we need to vent or simply have an adult
conversation. He’s free to do as he pleases as am I, and there’s no jealousy
or arguments to deal with.
I kiss Charlotte goodnight and I’m out the door. I’m meeting Henry at
the restaurant. It’s always easier for us to meet somewhere. That way I can
leave whenever I like and not have to rely on him to bring me back home.
It’s so nice to dress up once in a while outside of my work attire and
mummy clothes. Tonight I’ve chosen a simple black lacy dress which
shows off my legs. One good thing about living in Perth is that it’s warm for
most of the year.
I park my car in the restaurant’s car park behind the building and enter
inside. Balthazar’s is situated at the base of an original art deco apartment
block, its dishes focusing on local produce. One of its white walls is
decorated with a long black and white print which I can never figure out
whether it’s meant to be plants or sea creatures.
Henry arrived before me and is already seated at the square table beside
the window, overlooking the city lights, waiting for me. I see him before he
sees me. He’s dressed in black dress pants and a dark grey buttoned shirt.
Unfortunately my heart doesn’t speed up unlike when Nick showed up.
What is wrong with me?
“Hi, have you been waiting long?” He smiles and stands to greet me
with a kiss to the cheek. He really is a handsome man and would make any
number of female hearts flutter. I hope he finds someone who he can be
happy with and appreciates him eventually. He’s a genuinely nice guy.
“Not at all. You look amazing.”
“Thank you.”
He’s already ordered my favourite white wine for us. I take my seat
opposite him and lift my glass to take a sip of the cold crisp drink. The
waiter appears to take our order then leaves us. After the usual niceties and
comfortable conversation about work and the kids he folds his hands on top
of the table and brings up an unexpected topic.
“So, Nicholas Moore?” I bring my eyes up to meet his trying to seem
unaffected.
“What about him?” I take another larger sip of my wine.
“I knew he looked familiar at the park but couldn’t quite place him.
He’s Charlotte’s father isn’t he?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I answer, placing my glass down.
“Okay, but you didn’t deny it.” I let out a deep sigh. What’s the point of
being secretive about it anymore?
“Yes, he is. It’s a long and messy story. We were engaged once upon a
time but it didn’t work out. The only thing that matters to me is Charlotte
and ensuring she is happy and has a relationship with her father.”
“He still loves you, you know. Hey, I don’t blame the guy, I saw the way
he was looking at you, and me, as if he wanted to rip my head off.” He
starts laughing.
“Probably.” I giggle back. Nick always was the jealous type even if it
wasn’t warranted.
“Do I need to pick up my game here?” He jokes.
“There is no competition here, Henry. Please, I don’t want to spend the
evening talking about him. There’s nothing to tell.” Our waiter finds that
moment to return with our meals and all thoughts and talk about Nick are
forgotten.
At the end of the evening Henry walks me to my car. He traps my body
between himself and the door, his hands on either side of me on the car roof
as he leans towards me for a kiss. It’s gentle and sweet but it’s lacking the
passion and fireworks. I felt more in that brief and unexpected kiss Nick
laid on me when he was here. God, I’m such a bitch thinking about that
with Henry stuck to my face.
“So, are you following me back to my place?” He asks softly.
Am I? I usually don’t hesitate in answering him, why am I even
overthinking this?
“Yes.”
“I’ll see you there.” He opens up my door allowing me to get into the
driver’s seat.

A N HOUR AND A HALF LATER I’ M DRIVING BACK HOME HAVING LEFT H ENRY
asleep in his bed. It starts to rain suiting my mood. I’m a terrible person. I
was in that bed with one man but another kept finding his way into my
head. I’m so mad with myself. Fuck you, Nicholas Moore. I will not allow
you to ruin me. I’ve worked too hard to become this strong.
I enter my quiet house, say goodnight to my mother and step-father that
head off, check on my sleeping daughter and finally collapse into my own
bed after a hot shower.
I lay in bed listening to the rain falling outside while tears fall from my
eyes. There’s a deep anguish in me I wish would disappear. How can
someone go from being the reason you wake up smiling to the reason you
cry yourself to sleep. You’re so stupid, Alannah. Haven’t you cried enough?
My mother is right damn it. I can’t lie to myself. As much as I despise Nick
he still affects me. I just need to ensure he never realises that.
CHAPTER 9
 A L A N NA H

I ’m woken up by a constant, annoying banging. I pry one eye open to

look at the time on my alarm clock. I groan when I see it’s only seven
thirty. I’m so tired and haven’t had anywhere near enough sleep. The
banging starts again and it sinks in that someone is knocking on my front
door. Who the hell is here so early on a Sunday morning? I better get up
before they wake up Charlotte as well. It better be important or whoever it
is will get a piece of my mind for disturbing me. Throwing the covers off I
grab my fluffy blue robe off the hook on the back of my bedroom door,
putting it on as I walk towards the front door and yank it open forcefully.
“What-” The rest of the words die on my lips.
Not in a million years did I expect the person standing on the other side
of my front door. In the five years since I last saw them they have changed
and grown so much I almost didn’t recognise her at first. She’s dressed in
black tights with a red, short sleeved, knitted jumper dress over it. Her once
short dark hair is now long and blonde.
“Melissa?” I gasp in disbelief. What in the world is Nick’s sister doing
here?
“Hi, Alannah.” She replies nervously as she folds her hands together in
front of her and shrugs. “I suppose you’re surprised to see me. I’m sorry it’s
so early but I couldn’t wait any longer. Can I come in?”
“Yes, sure, of course.” Her presence has certainly thrown me for a loop.
I’m not prepared for this however I can’t just send her away. I move back to
allow her room to come inside then shut the door.
 Turning to face her I find myself suddenly engulfed in her arms in a
tight hug. I return it and hold onto her. It’s a comforting hug. We both start
crying letting out years of hurt and anger and sadness.
“I’ve missed you.” She tells me when she finally pulls away, wiping
away at her face.
“I’ve missed you too, Mel. I really have. Follow me.”
We release each other and move into the kitchen where I make us both
cups of tea and coffee before joining her at the table. My hands are wrapped
around my hot mug. What do I say? How do I begin this conversation? I
have no clue what she has been doing all this time. My heart is beating
incredibly fast inside my chest and it’s only Melissa, imagine when I’m
faced with Mary and Greg. I don’t want things to be awkward between us
but the truth is I’m nervous. Does she hate me? I can’t blame her if she
does.
“What are you doing here, how did you get here and more importantly
does anybody know you’re here?” She looks down into her cup of coffee as
if the answer is swirling around in there.
“After Nick admitted to us what happened between the two of you I was
very angry at him. I never thought I could possibly hate my brother but I
came very close to feeling that way. I couldn’t believe he was the same
person who would do anything for me and made sure I was always looked
after and safe. Yesterday, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer so I went to see
him and we had an argument. It got pretty heated and ugly. I pretty much
forced him to tell me where you are, I got the first flight out here and here I
am. I’m sorry for just showing up on your doorstep, but I didn’t want to
wait any longer to see you again.”
“I’m happy to see you too.”
I can hear the sadness and disappointment in her words and posture.
Mel always idolised Nick, he was the big brother who could do no wrong. It
never crossed my mind but seeing her here like this it’s apparent that
everyone’s relationship with not only I but Nick as well has been a casualty
of this situation. If she’s telling the truth that he never told them about why
I left and about the baby five years ago, they must all be extremely resentful
towards him. His family always meant the world to him, and as much of a
prick that he is I don’t want them turning against him, he never liked to
admit it but I know he needs his family’s love and support.
 “Why did you leave Alannah? You could have stayed in Sydney? I was
hurt as well. I thought we were going to be sisters and then you disappeared
without a word. Screw my brother, he will always be a selfish asshole but I
was there, you could have called me you know.”
I feel tears spring to my eyes and blink them back. How can I possibly
explain myself when I’m so confused? Only thinking about that time brings
back all the thoughts and emotions I experienced again. It’s now my turn to
stare into my mug.
“It may have been wrong of me to just run away but at the time that was
the decision I made. The last thing I wanted was to cause problems for your
family. You were young Mel, what could you have done?” I reach across
my kitchen table to take hold of her hand. “I know both Nicholas and I are
at fault here and we both have to face the fallout. I really don’t have an
answer you’ll be happy with, Melissa. When he kicked me out that day all I
could think was how heartbroken and devastated I was. He could have
come after me but he chose not to, I suppose in some ways I took the easy
route, it would have been too painful to stick around. I did the best thing for
me which was to leave. I can admit I was selfish but I can’t go back and
change the past. I also assumed that he would have told you all that I
cheated on him and that you would all have hated me so I stayed away. I am
sorry, Mel. I wish things had turned out differently.”
“So do I. All I can say now is at least he’s come to his senses and trying
to do the right thing. That needs to count for something right? I know I
shouldn’t ask this but can you ever give him another chance, he’s been
miserable for so long, even if it is his own fault?”
“I don’t know if I can do that. His priority needs to be his daughter, not
me.”
We’ve been in the kitchen for almost an hour when my daughter finally
wakes up and walks in wearing her Frozen nightgown, rubbing the sleep
from her eyes.
“Mummy…” She takes one look at Melissa and stops talking and
walking. Her eyes widen in shock at the unexpected stranger sitting in our
kitchen.
“Come here, baby girl, it’s okay.” I call her over and she runs to me,
climbing on to my lap, shy and unsure. I run my hands through her mess of
bed hair.
 “Charlotte, this is your Aunt Melissa, she’s your daddy’s younger sister.
She surprised us with a visit. Can you say hi for me?”
“Hello.” She softly offers then looks back at me. “I have another aunty?
Is Daddy here too?” She’s referring to my best friend who we call Aunt
Rachael.
“No, it’s just me this time kiddo, and yep, you sure do have another aunt
but I’m the fun one.” Mel answers for me, making Charlotte giggle. Mel’s
eyes have lit up, she has a huge smile on her face while taking in her niece’s
appearance. “You are so pretty. Is Queen Elsa your favourite character?”
Charlotte glances down at her nightgown before replying.
“No Olaf the snowman is, he’s the funny one.”
“He sure is. Oh, before I forget.” Mel reaches into her over large red
hand bag and pulls out a pink gift box, handing it to Charlotte. “It’s an iPad
from Nick. He asked me to bring it over for you so they can Skype each
other. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s fine. Charlotte would like that. How about some breakfast?”
As I fry us all some eggs I don’t know how to feel about the iPad. On
one hand I can understand where Nick is coming from in order to be able to
see his daughter and vice versa when they talk, on the other hand it’s a little
extravagant for a four year old isn’t it? If he thinks or hopes he’ll be seeing
me on that thing it isn’t happening.
Following breakfast we spend a lovely day with Mel at Sir James
Mitchell Park. It’s right by the water at the foreshore south of the city, with
the city’s buildings visible right across us on the opposite side of Swan
River. We walk around, have a picnic lunch and play catch with the ball we
brought along. Mel and Charlotte got to know each other a little more. We
left the deep conversation behind and just enjoyed the day, it’s not like we
could talk seriously with little ears around anyhow. I let myself relax and
have fun. Whatever my expectations were for today, they certainly were not
this. Before long Melissa has to pick up her bag from the hotel she stayed at
last night and head back to the airport. I offered to drive her but she
preferred to take a taxi. I was so grateful she wasn’t holding a grudge
against me that when I hugged her goodbye I started to cry again. She left
with promises to spend a spa day with Charlotte next time she sees her,
getting my daughter all excited.
On the drive back home with a sleepy and tired little girl I started to
think that maybe things won’t be so bad judging by the way Mel reacted to
Charlotte and seeing me again. I won’t need to be afraid when Charlie
spends time with her father and his family. I expected her to be less
understanding and show a tad more animosity towards me. That’s Melissa
for you though, always trying to make everyone around her happy no matter
what.
Let’s hope his parents are just as nice to me.

On Monday I’m sitting at my desk at work eating my boring ham and

cheese sandwich for lunch when I log onto my bank account to pay some
bills. I check and double check the balance expecting to see one figure,
almost falling off my chair when my account holds a whole lot more than it
should, and I mean a whole lot more.
I chuckle because I don’t believe it then close my eyes thinking I’m
seeing things and that it has to be a mistake. I reopen them only to be met
with the same amount of an extra two million dollars sitting in there. Shit. It
could have only come from one place and I am going to kill him.
“Son of a bitch,” I yell out while banging my palm beside my keyboard.
“Alannah, is everything okay?” John calls out from his office.
“Yes, fine. Sorry, I was just surprised by something,” I call back.
What is this? Who the hell does he think he is? Why on earth would he
even assume that it’s okay to do this? I don’t want nor need his money.
What is he playing at here? I am so angry. He’s managed to piss me off
without even being here. I know if I call him we’re going to get into an
argument so I do the next best thing and send him an email. Texting him
would take too long and I’m too mad, needing to bang against the keyboard.

————

To: Nicholas Moore

Subject: Bank Account

Mr Moore,
There seems to be a gross error with my bank account this morning.
I seem to have an additional $2,000,000.00 which should not be
there.
Please tell me that this was not your doing. Explain yourself.
I don’t want it. Take it back.

————

I hit send and sit back to wait on his reply which comes through not one
minute later.

————

To: Alannah Stewart

Subject: Bank Account

Alannah,
Yes I placed those funds into your account as back payment of child
support which I believe I owed you. My lawyer assured me that the
sum of half a million dollars for each year of Charlotte’s life was more
than sufficient.
Please accept it. It is only fair seeing as you have carried the burden
of raising her on your own up until now.

————

Fair?
Is he freaking crazy? How does he figure basically paying me for
looking after my daughter is fair in any sense of the word? He is supposed
to be a smart man but when he pulls shit like this it makes me wonder.

————

To: Nicholas Moore

Subject: Bank Account
I don’t want your money Nicholas, I never have. I don’t want anything
from you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with that much money?
Take it back or I’ll just give it all away.
I don’t believe you know the meaning of the word fair.

————

To: Alannah Stewart

Subject: Bank Account

Don’t be ridiculous.
You could stop working and stay home to be with Charlotte more if
you wanted.
If you don’t want to use it fine, at least put it aside for my daughter.
I’m only trying to help and do what’s right.
And believe me I know that I have been unfair.

————

Ridiculous? I’ll show him ridiculous. If he was standing before me right

this instance I would gladly pick up my metal letter opener and stick it in
him without hesitation. I can’t believe the audacity of him. If it was
possible, steam would be coming out of my ears. I’m not sure if I’m more
insulted or plain enraged. I don’t bother replying back to him again, there’s
no point, I’m not going to get anywhere with him and it will only make me
more furious.
Stubborn ass that he is.
Child support?
I did perfectly fine without a cent from him all this time. If he’s feeling
guilty and trying to ease his conscience that’s not my problem.
I need to calm down before I break something.
I dump the remainder of my lunch in the bin having lost my appetite
and step out of the office hoping a walk and some fresh air will help me
decide how to deal with this. He has to understand he can’t come barging
back into my life again and do whatever he wants. I will not allow him to
control any aspect of my life again and that includes my money. I may
come off as a bitch or too proud but I don’t feel comfortable taking it. If he
wants it put aside for his daughter that’s fine but he can place it in a trust
account or something, not in mine. The nerve of that man. Calm down
Alannah, let it go for now you need to finish the day off.

I wake up with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach on Thursday.

I have taken the day off work as I have Charlotte’s appointment with the
cardiologist at the hospital at eleven. The anxiety and worry wouldn’t allow
me to sleep last night. I was running all sorts of what if scenarios in my
mind. I have never been so afraid to go to see a doctor before.
We take our time getting up. Charlie got up first and came to snuggle
with me in my bed, dozing off again for a further half an hour. I kept
watching her, her face and hair, her eyelashes and shape of her chin, the
colour of her tiny lips. I know each and every feature of her, what she has
gotten from me and those passed on from her father. I slowly lift her hand
placing our palms together and measure it against my own. Hers is so small,
innocent and soft whereas mine is larger and world weary. What will these
hands become one day? Will they hold and nurture or teach or create. I only
want her happy, if she’s happy and loved then there’s not much more I can
ask for.
I haven’t prayed in a long time but please God if you’re up there and
listening, don’t let my daughter be ill. I can’t contemplate the thought of her
having a condition that may cause her serious problems, or that I may lose
her. She has been the only thing that has kept me going for so long. I need
to keep positive. This is just routine and she’ll be fine. She will be. I won’t
accept any other outcome.
Arriving at the hospital we take the elevator up to the third floor, I hold
Charlie’s hand as we walk down the sterile corridor towards the doctor’s
office. He was expecting us and tells us to come on in. His office walls are
covered in posters and pictures of the human body and the heart, there are
so many diagrams showing all the inner workings of that organ it makes me
feel uneasy. Dr Gibson is in his mid-fifty’s and supposed to be the best in
his field. He looks as if he keeps in shape and still has all his blonde hair
which has begun to grey around his temples. He has kind green eyes which
say you can trust me.
“Miss Stewart, nice to meet you.” I shake his hand then sit in front of
his desk, pulling Charlie onto my lap. “Hi, Charlotte my name is Dr
Gibson.” He only gets a small semi-smile from her while she plays with the
doll she brought along.
I had to try and explain the best I could to her about why I’m bringing
her to see a doctor today but she is too young to fully comprehend it. As far
as she knows you only go to see the doctor when you’re sick and need
medicine.
“Thank you for seeing us.”
“Not a problem. How can I help you today?”
“Charlotte’s father recently told me he’s a carrier of a heart condition
called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. He advised me that it can be
hereditary. We’re here to find out if it has indeed been passed on to her.
What would that involve exactly?”
“Right. Well, the condition, also known as HCM for short, is associated
with the thickening of the heart muscle, most commonly at the septum
between the ventricles, below the aortic valve. This leads to stiffening of the
walls of the heart and abnormal aortic and mitral heart valve functions, both
of which may impede normal blood flow out of the heart.
“Many people with HCM have no symptoms or only minor symptoms,
and live a normal life. Others develop severe symptoms, which progress
and worsen as the heart function worsens. We can determine and check for
the condition in a variety of ways. For starters we can take a chest x-ray, a
physical exam or stress test and ECG. There is also the option of a blood
test but due to her age I would prefer not to have to draw any blood, at the
most extreme a CT scan or MRI is performed.” He continues to explain it to
me pointing to various posters and pictures, somewhat putting my mind at
ease.
“Okay, I understand, so how long will it all take?”
“A couple of hours, three at the most and you’ll have the results straight
away. Tell me, she has ever shown any of these symptoms or complained of
any chest pain, fatigue, fainting, shortness of breath or heart palpitations?” I
think back but there has been nothing of sort.
 “No, never, she’s always been fine.” I examine my daughter who seems
no different than she did two weeks ago. Has it really only been two weeks
since Nick showed up? It feels like a lifetime has passed.
“Well in that case you probably have nothing to worry about so let’s
hope today we’ll be able to rule it out altogether. Let’s get started shall we.
Please follow me.”
Stepping out of the doctor’s office and into the corridor to head to the
examination room I notice a tall figure turn the corner and hold Charlotte’s
hand a little tighter. Nick is here and walking towards us. Why is he here? I
don’t know if I’m surprised he showed up for this or to have expected it.
This is Nicholas Moore, annoying stalker extraordinaire after all, although
he could have warned me he was flying over. I can’t even get mad at him
because he has every right to be here for this. I know it’s only been a couple
of weeks but so far he’s made a tremendous effort to get to know his
daughter. The question is will he keep it up. I on the other hand haven’t
spoken to him in a few days. I have nothing to say to him. When he finally
makes eye contact with me though, he seems guarded and cool, the warmth
only coming through when he looks at Charlie.
“Daddy!” Charlotte shrieks when she sees him and runs into his arms.
“Hey princess.” He smiles at her while lifting her up then turns his back
to me.
Nice to see you too jerk-face.
CHAPTER 10
 N ICHOL A S

W hen I returned to Sydney, the first thing I did was hire a

private investigator and have him fly out to Perth the next
day. I know the worse thing I could do at the moment was
have someone spy on her, if she finds out I’m a dead man, however I
needed to know someone is there to keep an eye on them and ensure they’re
safe. He knows to keep his distance and only report to me if something was
to occur. I hadn’t heard from him at all until Monday morning when an
email comes through.
He didn’t say too much in his report. He didn’t have to. The two photos
he attached said it all. Alannah was out having dinner with that Henry
fucker. The first photo had them seated in a restaurant laughing and
drinking, the second photo hit me right in the gut, but I couldn’t tear my
eyes away from it, that asshole had his lips on her. He was kissing my
Alannah in a fucking car park. Where the fuck was my daughter while she
was out? She was telling the truth then about him after all. I hate that he’s
the one she chooses to be around, that he has the privilege of her time and
kisses. It only makes me more determined and motivated to make her fall in
love with me again.
On paper he comes across as a decent guy. I must have read his
background check a dozen times to pick up on something, anything that
seemed off but there was not even a trace of a speeding ticket. He’s a
widower, works as a pharmacist and has a decent amount of savings in his
bank account, the fucker even volunteers at the local children’s hospital.
Compared to me the fucker is a fucking saint.
 Out of jealousy I pick up the closest thing to me, which happens to be
the metal pen holder on my desk and throw it clear across the room in anger
but it’s not satisfying enough.
I head down to the office gym to hit on the punching bag for an hour to
expend some of these feelings. I’m more infuriated at myself than anyone
else. This is my entire fault. Everything Alannah said to me is true. I ruined
us.
The following day a sense of melancholy settles on me and nothing I do
helps. I try to drown myself in work however my concentration is shot to
shit. I decide to go walk around the building, I’m not really speaking to
anyone or checking on their work, just passing time and making myself
seen. My personal life may be a disaster, however my professional life is
the complete opposite. I’m proud of what we have managed to accomplish
here, Rick and I have worked hard to achieve our success. I stop to scan the
black and white photos of some of our building designs and awards hanging
on the walls. What’s the point of it all if at the end of the day there’s no one
to share my successes with? I’m beginning to realise all the awards and
accolades mean nothing if there isn’t anybody cheering in my corner.
Heading back to my office I find my mother seated on the small white
couch I have there, staring off into space. Observing her, for the first time I
notice that she’s aged. The fine lines around her mouth and eyes more
prominent. I’m probably responsible for some of those worry and frown
lines too. Her black hair is up in a simple style, always presenting a perfect
appearance, even if she’s anything but on the inside. I close my office door
and move towards her which gets her attention.
“Mother. Is everything okay? I wasn’t expecting you.” She takes hold of
one of my hands, squeezing it as I sit beside her.
“No, Nicholas, it’s not. I came to apologise to you. I’m so sorry my
darling boy for the things I said to you. I feel terrible and so guilty. I reacted
out of anger, I know it’s no excuse, I was hurt and lashed out at you. Please
forgive me.” I reach up with my free hand to wipe away a tear that has
fallen down her face.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I take in a deep breathe. This woman took me in, raised and loved me
when she didn’t have to and I repay her by lying and staying away. She
never complains or nags but now that I have spent time with Charlie and
have to be away from her I can understand how I must have made her feel
all these years by keeping my distance. It’s time I set things right with my
family as well, starting now.
“I screwed up, Mum and I don’t know what to do. Alannah won’t give
me the time of day to talk, and I mean really talk. I don’t want to argue with
her but everything turns into a fight. How do I get her to listen, to give me a
chance to prove I’m not that person? I want them back, I want them home
and to be a family.”
“The only thing I can suggest is time. Give her time, show her what an
amazing father you can be and don’t pressure her. This can’t and won’t be a
quick fix. If it’s meant to be it will find a way to work itself out. Why did
you never tell me the truth? When it all first happened before it got out of
control, we could have sorted it all out back then, you are too stubborn for
your own good, Nicholas, always thinking you’re right and refusing to
listen to anyone.” She’s correct. I allowed pride to get in the way. How dare
one girl make a fool of Nicholas Moore? It turns out the fool was me. I’m
not sure if time is going to make any difference here.
“I know. I thought I knew the truth. I was too proud that I didn’t want
everyone knowing that she had made me look like an idiot. I was so sure
she had been unfaithful and embarrassed to admit it. It was easier to say
nothing and not deal with it. I was such an idiot and couldn’t have been
more wrong.” She lifts her hands higher up to cup my face, holding me in
place.
“I feel as if not only did I lose Alannah and precious time with my
grandchild but also you, Nicholas, you have spent so much time away from
us and in London. We didn’t see you for over a whole year. You were
overseas and refused to come home. Why?”
The pain reflected back to me in her eyes is agonising except I can’t tell
her. I wish I could and one day I will but Alannah needs to be the first to
know the reason I took so long to go to her. If she ever allows me to be in a
room with her for more than five minutes.
“It was easier to stay away where there were no memories everywhere I
turned. I tried to hate her and forget about her but I couldn’t and then when
the doctor dropped the bomb of the reversal on me, well I hated myself. I
thought about her all the time. I still love her and she can’t stand to look at
me.”
I didn’t exactly lie to my mother just now, only omitted certain aspects.
I get up and walk across to the bar in the corner of my office to pour myself
a strong drink. I offer mother one but she declines. I slug it down quickly
then return to the couch.
“That’s not true, she loved you once too and your daughter is a reminder
of that love. Why did you keep the fact you had such a procedure a secret?”
“Because it was personal and I’m not father material, at least I thought I
wasn’t. You know my history mother, what could I possibly have to offer a
child and with the chance of that condition it was for the best. I have so
much to make up for. I lied to Alannah and kept things from her on top of
the accusations I threw at her. I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”
“Do you know if Charlotte is healthy?” I really hope so.
“She has a doctor’s appointment this week to find out. I’m going to fly
out to be there. I’m scared, what if I can’t fix things and she never gives me
another chance. What do I do then?” She gets a look of determination on
her face.
“Are you going to give up because it’s too hard? Yes, I said to give her
time but no matter how long it takes be persistent, if that is what you truly
want. Eventually woo her, wear her down, show her what she means to
you.”
I can do that.
“Thanks, Mum.”
“Do you have a picture of her?” I stand once again to pick up the
framed photo I placed of Charlotte on my desk and hand it over to my
mother who gasps and begins crying.
“She’s precious, so beautiful. Look at those eyes. When can I meet
her?” I stick my hands in my pockets and shrug my shoulders.
“I’ll talk to Alannah about organising it. Soon, I promise, I just don’t
want to rush her or overwhelm Charlotte with so many new people.”
“I understand sweetheart, please let her know we’re not angry with her
if that will help. I’m glad we talked. I’m here for you, for anything you may
need.” She stands up, smoothing her grey pants down with her hands.
“Now, I’ll let you get back to your day.”
I walk out with her to the elevator. She has a point. I don’t give up and
always go after what I want. I’m going to fight for them and the life we
should have but first I need to get rid of that douchebag.
 Thursday morning I’m on a plane and in the air as early as possible to
get there in time for Charlotte’s appointment. I try to get through some
emails but I’m too anxious to concentrate. I left Wade behind this time since
the investigator is still there and meeting me at the airport to give me an
update and drive me over.
I walk in through the automatic entrance doors and ask reception for
directions to the appropriate wing of the hospital. With quick strides along
the corridor I make my way to them with the strong smell of disinfectant
wafting into my nose. I hate hospitals with a passion and hope to never have
to spend a lot of time in them ever again. As soon as I turn the corner I see
them coming out of an office with who I assume to be the doctor they’re
seeing.
Charlotte runs to me and I swing her up into my arms. It’s good to see
her in the flesh again and hold her. When I look at Alannah all that comes to
mind is that stupid fucking photo which was emailed to me and I see red
again. Now is not the time and place to think about it. I do the only thing I
can and turn away from her to follow the doctor while carrying my little
girl.
We’re both sitting on stupid fucking uncomfortable plastic chairs in one
of the examination rooms. It’s so awkward. Alannah has barely
acknowledged that I’m right here beside her. First Charlotte was taken to
have an x-ray of her chest followed by a simple physical exam where the
doctor listened to her heart. Now she’s on a miniature treadmill hooked up
to an ECG machine while we wait for the x-ray results to come back. She
thinks it’s a game trying to run as fast as she can to make the numbers on
the display go higher. She’s been so great with everything so far. It helps
that the doctor seems to be good with kids and explains everything to her in
a way she can understand.
The nerves are radiating off Alannah, she has her hands clasped tightly
together in her lap with her right leg bouncing up and down. I cover her
hands with one of mine in order to try and bring her some comfort if she’s
willing to accept it.
 “Try not to worry and think positively. I know it’s easier said than done,
and if the worst happens and she does have it then we will do all we can to
help her and to understand it. She can still live a normal life with
medication and not let this affect her. It doesn’t have to mean that things
have to drastically change. I’m sorry I’m putting us through this.” She
moves her hands away and my heart sinks.
“Please don’t.”
I take my hand back blowing out a breath. She can be so frustrating.
“Alannah-”
“Thank you for coming today by the way. Charlotte is happy to see
you.” She interrupts me. What about you?
“Of course I would be here. This is more important than anything else.”
We have so many issues to resolve, like the money, but where do we
start, although I’m not stupid enough to bring that up today.
The doctor begins to unhook the wires from Charlotte signalling that
they’re done.
“Okay, Charlotte we’re all done. You did very well and are so brave.”
The doctor says to her with a grin. She runs to us and climbs onto my lap.
A nurse knocks on the door and walks in carrying a large envelope,
handing it to the doctor. I hold my breath. This is it, the moment of truth.
He takes the scans out and hangs them up inspecting them.
“She is absolutely fine. There is nothing showing here and based on the
ECG results as well there is no sign whatsoever of the condition, however I
would like to see her again in a years’ time to be on the safe side.”
I let out a sigh of relief as I pull my daughter closer to my chest. I stand
with her in my arms to shake the doctor’s hand. A huge weight and worry
has just disappeared. She’s perfectly healthy.
“Thank you, Dr Gibson. You have no idea how happy we are to hear
that.” I look behind me to Alannah who is crying tears of relief. Her face
buried in her hands.
“Thank God,” I hear her mumble before she stands also thanking the
doctor before hugging and kissing Charlotte in my arms. I can’t resist and
wrap one arm around Alannah pulling her into a group hug however she
pulls away after a couple of seconds. I have to admit the rejection stings but
the important thing here is that our daughter is more than fine.
“We should celebrate. Who wants ice cream?” I ask to be met with a
loud cheer from the perfect and beautiful girl in my arms.
CHAPTER 11
 N ICHOL A S

A s the three of us exit the hospital Riley, the investigator I hired,

makes himself known and approaches.
“Sir?”Fuck. I should just fire his ass on the spot now. He
should have waited for me to call him. Needless to say we will be having
words later. The last thing I need is Alannah seeing him around, then she
will know exactly what he’s up to still hanging around here once I’m gone.
“Riley.” He knows I’m not pleased based on my terse voice and glare.
“Where’s Wade?” Alannah asks.
“Back in Sydney. This is Riley, another member of my security team.”
It’s a small white lie to protect my ass.
“Miss Stewart.” He nods her way.
“Come on, daddy, the ice cream is waiting for us.” Charlotte pulls on
my hand to get us moving.
Following Charlotte’s demand there was argument over who was
driving. There was no point taking two cars when we were going to the
same place. It’s obvious Alannah is reluctant to go and would rather driver
herself than be in the car with me however she also doesn’t want to
disappoint Charlotte. I give in and agree to let her drive us. I tell Riley I’ll
call him once I’m ready to be picked up and he makes his way back to his
car as I follow Alannah to where she’s parked. I really want to say
something about her car and how she should have a new and safer one but I
also know it won’t go down well. Pick your battles, Nick.
After an awkward thirty minute drive out of the city to Cottesloe Beach
and an even more awkward lunch we’re seated near the clear, blue water on
some concrete steps leading down to the beach, the large pine trees
providing shade from the sun. Charlotte is seated between us enjoying her
ice cream, which has run down her cone and hand. She convinced me to get
the blue bubble-gum flavoured one as well because it’s her favourite so how
could I refuse. She sticks her little tongue out at me to show that it’s turned
blue so I stick mine out too which sets her off giggling.
“It looks like a Smurf’s tongue.”
“Oh no, is the rest of me going to turn blue?” I fake panic. Charlie only
shrugs back at me.
I turn my head to the left to view Alannah’s profile. She looks
miserable. We’re out in the sunshine on a beautiful day after learning our
daughter did not inherit any heart condition from me but I need to admit
that my presence is hurting her and that’s the last thing I ever wanted. I
allowed myself to forget how much being around her affects me and how
pretty she is when she’s not even trying. The familiar scent of her perfume
brings back memories of when I would have my face buried in her neck.
The wind is blowing her hair all over and across her face. My fingers are
itching to touch her and I want nothing more than to lean over and move it
for her, to feel it’s softness but I know it won’t be appreciated.
“You must be relieved.” I say over Charlotte’s head.
“I am. The worry was keeping me up most nights. How long are you
staying?” She enquires without looking my way. Trying to get rid of me
already I see. Well it’s not going to be that easy baby.
“I thought I would stay for a couple of days before flying back if that’s
okay with you.” She’s silent for a long time giving away no clue as to the
thoughts in her head until she eventually nods.
“I had a visit from Mel.”
“I know. She called me afterwards letting me know how well it went
and how much she loved Charlie. I did try calling to warn you. I also
apologise for anything she may have said or done to upset you while she
was here.”
“It’s fine, we had a nice day together but please no more surprises.”
“You got it.”
After another quiet drive back to Alannah’s place I was going to call
Riley to come collect me in order to give her some space when Charlotte
insisted I watch a movie with her. That’s how I find myself on the couch
with her curled up by my side watching Despicable Me.
 “Who’s that? Is he the bad guy?” I ask.
“Yes but not really.”
“What are those yellow creatures called again?”
“Minions remember.” Right.
“But what are they?”
“Shh, no talking.” She puts her finger to her lip. Well I’ve been told. I
kiss her on the temple and tell her I’ll be back in a minute.
I walk into the kitchen where I find Alannah seated at the table writing
what looks like a shopping list.
“Alannah.” She looks up at me expectedly. “Can we talk? Please, we
need to discuss some things, you know we do, stop trying to avoid me.” She
bites her lower lip in contemplation and I can see in her eyes the moment
she gives up the fight.
“Okay, but outside, I don’t want Charlotte overhearing.”
I nod in agreement and follow her out on to the back patio, taking the
seat beside her. She stays quiet, waiting for me to begin. I lean my elbows
on my thighs and glance down at the ground.
“As you can imagine, my parents want to meet Charlotte. I spoke to my
mother before coming out here and told her the when and where would be
up to you and she understands. I would however like to give them some sort
of time frame if that’s alright with you. ”
“Of course. I just need a little more time, but I don’t think I can come to
Sydney. Would they mind coming here in say two weeks’ time maybe?
There are so many changes occurring in Charlotte’s life so quickly I just
want to have the chance to talk to her and make sure she’s dealing with it
all.”
“That’ll work. Two weekends from now I’ll fly them out here. Thank
you.”
“Sure. One second.” She goes inside to quickly check on Charlie who’s
still watching her movie then returns.
“The other thing I wanted to say is, I realise you’re angry about the
money I deposited in your account and yes, perhaps I should have spoken to
you about it first but you would have told me you didn’t want it.” She turns
in her chair to face me, a look of determination coming over her.
“You’re right I would have. All this time I got by, it’s not money I
needed, I needed help, from you, yes I had my mother and I’m grateful for
it but it wasn’t the same thing. Do you think you can pay your way out of
your mistakes because that’s how I see it, am I supposed to be grateful?”
“No, of course not. You do realise though that if we went to Court over
any of this shit that the Judge would have ordered me to back pay you child
support in any case and it probably would have been more based on my
earnings. So what’s your solution?”
“Take half of it back and the other half I’ll withdraw and place into a
trust for Charlotte until she’s an adult.” I rub my hand over my face, she’s
so fucking stubborn, always has been.
“Fine, I’ll take half back, I’ll email you with an account number, the rest
you can place in a trust with the exception of a hundred thousand. I want
you to keep that, just in case it’s needed, perhaps get yourself a new car,
that’s the only way I’ll agree to it.” I can see her mind working behind those
caramel eyes, her mouth opening and closing trying to come up with an
argument. She caves and agrees in the end, it would be pointless going
round and round in circles over this. I can’t help myself and my curiosity
gets the better of me. I’m a glutton for punishment it seems. “How was your
date on Saturday?”
She looks at me in disbelief. Yeah, I can’t believe I asked that either.
“How did you know that?”
“Well, my daughter let it slip on the phone that you were going out so I
assumed it was with that Henry fucker.”
“Don’t call him that. You don’t know him and you don’t really want to
know the answer to that. It’s none of your business.” She becomes
defensive.
No I don’t, because her lack of a real answer is more than enough to
know exactly what happened.
“So you’re going to continue seeing him then.”
“What do you want from me, Nick, what do you want me to say?”
“I know I have made mistakes, big ones, but please let me fix them,
give me a chance. You said I gave up on us and you’re right I did, but now
I’m trying, don’t you give up on us. We owe it to our daughter to try. Aren’t
you even willing to do that? Doesn’t she deserve to have both her parents
together in the same house?”
“Yes, she does in an ideal world, however she also deserves for it to be a
happy home. I can’t trust you.” Well there you have it. “I have some
questions and I need you to be honest.”
 “Ask away.”
“How and when did you discover you had the heart condition or carried
it rather?”
“You know about my birth father passing away and how Mary was the
social worker working at the hospital the day I was brought in and that’s
how I ended up being fostered and then adopted by them.”
“I do.”
“They performed an autopsy on him and after discovering the cause of
death and because I was a little malnourished they performed a variety of
tests and scans on me. That’s how it was picked up.”
“And the vasectomy?”
“I was 21 when I decide to have it done. I didn’t think having a family
was in the cards for me. I always had trouble letting people in until I met
you. You were different. But what sort of life could I possibly give a child if
I passed this on? They would have been afraid to run around like a normal
kid does.”
“Last question. Why did you never tell me any of this? All those months
you had plenty of time and opportunity but you kept it to yourself. Why?
All this could have been avoided.”
“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid to lose you. You would have
realised I wasn’t perfect. If you knew that there would be no kids it might
have been a deal breaker and I couldn’t risk that, I needed you too much,
but I lost you regardless.” She stands up angrily with her hands on her hips.
“Do you know how crazy that sounds? Did you think that I would think
so little of you? I loved you, Nicholas and that included all of you and your
flaws no exceptions, not that I see it as a flaw, you’re not responsible for
how you were made but you were responsible for how you dealt with it and
the keeping of it to yourself. I never wanted perfect. And if you were so
afraid of having children to pass it on to you should have spoken to me, we
could have found a way to work around it, but you were selfish, that ego of
yours is really something else, you didn’t even give me the benefit of
making up my own mind. You were going to rob me of the chance to be a
mother without any discussion whatsoever. A marriage like that was never
going to work. How do you not see that? That is not love.” I stay quiet.
“You have nothing to say now?”
“What can I say?” I’m ashamed.
 “If you truly loved me, you would have been honest from the start,
maybe then we would have stood a chance and been a real family. Instead
my life has been this rollercoaster of ups and downs while you’ve been
living your carefree life. Tell me, Nicholas how often did I even cross your
mind?”
“ENOUGH!” I bang my hand on the table causing her to jump and stop
her tirade. “Please just stop.” I beg. She crosses her arms over her chest and
begins to turn her back when something catches her attention.
“Nick, what happened to your hand, how did you get that scar?”
I glance at my clenched fist which shows the faint white line running
across the knuckles of my right hand. I open my hand up, stretching my
fingers. Tell her the truth, she already hates you.
“You seem to be under the impression that I didn’t come after you when
you were staying with Rachael. That I didn’t love you enough, but you’re
wrong I did.”
“When?” She gasps.
“It was five days later. I was sitting outside her place in my car. I was
ready to forgive you on the condition you got rid of it. I talked myself into
believing that if the baby was no longer an issue that we could move
forward. I was going to ask you to kill our child. Even if at the time I truly
believed it wasn’t mine, it was still a part of you.” I feel the hot tears run
down my face. I have never admitted this out loud to anybody. I quickly
wipe them away. “I left. When I returned home I stood in front of the
bathroom mirror until I couldn’t stand to look at myself any longer so I
smashed it. The glass cut me, needing stitches and leaving this scar. I was a
monster. It’s probably best that I wasn’t around you or Charlotte.” I quickly
stand up, feeling as if I’m suffocating. “I’m sorry, I have to go, tell
Charlotte I’ll be back later.” I almost run through the house trying to reach
the front door. I can hear Alannah’s footsteps chasing me.
“Nicholas, wait.” She calls out.
I open the door to face another nightmare. Her father is standing there,
his arm raised ready to knock.
Fuck!
CHAPTER 12
 A L A N NA H

I ’m hot on Nick’s heels. I don’t know what happened back there but he
seems to be panicking about something. When he opens my front door
I hear a voice I was not expecting which freezes me on the spot. What
is it with people just showing up at my door lately?
“What the hell? ALANNAH!” He yells.
I run forward and move to stand in between them to find my father
scowling and throwing daggers at Nick. His timing could not be worse. I
haven’t had the chance to tell him that Nicholas is back in my life yet.
“Dad. What are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you were coming
out.” I swallow down my nervousness like a teenager getting caught.
“It was supposed to be a surprise. What is he doing here?” He sneers.
“Grandpa!” Charlotte comes running over hearing his voice. Dad puts a
smile on his face for her, kneels and reaches out for her.
“There’s my favourite girl in the whole world.” He gives her a hug and
kiss before she’s off again.
I shift my eyes to Nick who looks unsure and nervous. This is not going
to go well. Following the fallout after Nick threw me out Dad had some
very clear feelings and choice of words. He hates Nick. I hated him too for
a very long time but I had to let that anger go or it would have consumed
me and my daughter deserved a mother that was not bitter. I need to talk to
my father to make him see reason.
“Nick, can you please take Charlotte out to the park or somewhere for
about an hour so I can talk with my father. Here you can take my car.” I
collect my keys from where they’re hanging near the door and hand them to
him.
“Of course.”
“And you trust him to leave and not come back with her.” Dad jumps in
accusingly.
“I do.” I say without hesitation. I don’t even have to think about it. Nick
may be a lot of things but he’s no kidnapper. I roll my eyes at the thought. I
may not trust him with my heart but I trust him with our daughter.
“Hey princess, do you want to go out for a drive with daddy. Maybe go
to the toy store?” Nick asks Charlotte as he kneels down in front of her.
“Yeah.” She jumps off the couch bouncing on the spot.
“Let’s put your shoes on then.” This child hates to wear shoes. The first
things that come off each and every time we step through that door are her
shoes. Nick helps her slip her sandals on then picks her up in his arms.
“Say bye to Mummy.” I kiss my daughter while dad glares at Nick as he
walks past carrying Charlotte out.
“Bye, Mummy.”
“See you soon munchkin,” I smile.
Closing the door behind them I turn to face what feels like the firing
squad. My dad has his hands on his hips looking at me both perplexed and
livid with a storm brewing in his eyes. His disappointment has me
becoming a little girl again who is being scolded for letting her parents
down.
“What is going on, Anna? Why is he here? What possible reason is
there for me finding him in your home?”
“Let’s sit down.” I follow him over to the couch, sit next to him and turn
the TV off. The quiet that surrounds us is suddenly too loud, if that even
makes sense. Usually Charlotte is running around playing and making
noise. “He showed up a few weeks ago, wanting to meet and know his
daughter.”
“So why now all of a sudden does he believe you that she’s his
daughter, and what, you just let him in like the last few years don’t matter.”
“The why doesn’t matter. He’s her father, what am I supposed to do? I
don’t want to be one of those horrible women who keeps their child away
from their fathers because of their own issues. It’s not fair to her.” Nicholas
has always been a very private person. His health issues are no one else’s
business.
 “You could never be a horrible person, Anna.”
“Look, yes he’s made mistakes but that is neither here nor there. We all
have to behave like adults for Charlotte’s sake. I will not have her caught up
in the middle of this. Only after a short amount of time she adores him and
she needs him. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but you’re just going to have to
get used to it.”
“So that’s how it is? I thought you were smarter than that. After what
that poor excuse of a man put you through you’re giving him another
opportunity to do it all again. What if the next time your daughter gets
caught in the cross fire?”
“I don’t think that will happen. You haven’t seen them together. Nothing
is changing except that Charlie is getting to know and spend time with her
father whenever he’s able to come and visit. That is all.”
“That is all? Don’t lie to me or yourself.”
“Why are you so convinced I’m going to allow myself to fall for him
again?”
“Because you once told me he was your soul mate.”
“Well, I was a young and stupid girl.” A girl that had to grow up very
quickly and had the rose coloured glasses I saw the world through smashed
to smithereens.
“You’re a grown woman, Alannah and I can’t tell you what to do or
how to live your life but don’t come crying to me if it all blows up in your
face.” Okay, so that really hurt to hear.
“Wow, thanks for the support, Dad.”
“Are you kidding me, Alannah? I have done nothing but support you all
these years. Who was there when you couldn’t get out of bed? When you
ended up in the hospital?” That’s three times he’s called me Alannah now.
He must be extremely pissed off.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” I whisper back.
Tears pool in my eyes recalling that time. I came close to losing my
daughter. There was a certain day I was so upset my blood pressure sky
rocketed and I had to be admitted to hospital for a few days. Dad shuffles
closer to me and gathers me in his arms.
“I love you sweetheart, and that little girl. The last thing I want is to see
you back in that state.”
“Dad, please trust that I won’t allow him to charm me so easily again. I
may not one hundred percent know what it is I’m doing but I’m trying my
best and I don’t need to hear it from you and Mum. This is my choice and
you need to respect it, even if you don’t agree. Charlotte needs to come first
and that is what I’m doing, the way you always put me first. He may
surprise us all but I won’t know if I don’t allow him the chance. I owe it to
my daughter to give him the opportunity.”
“Okay, Anna. I won’t say anymore.”
“Thank you.”
The rest of the time is spent talking about other things and the golf
game he and Pat have planned for this weekend which is the real reason he
flew out here. Over the years my dad and Pat have become the best of
friends thanks to the fact that he’s spent so much time here with me and
Charlotte. I’m glad they get along otherwise family visits would be
awkward.
Nick and Charlotte return with smiles on their faces and Charlotte
wearing a Belle costume and tiara on her head. I should be thankful that’s
all she came back with seeing as Nick has a tendency to go overboard. He’s
carrying a couple of grocery bags as well.
“Charlotte wanted to make burgers for dinner together so we went
shopping.” He says as they walk in. “I hope that’s okay?”
My dad gives Nick a not so pleasant look before taking Charlie outside
to play with him while I help unpack the groceries onto the kitchen counter.
“He may not come around anytime soon but he accepts the situation.” I
tell Nick.
“It’s fine. I understand. I was a massive jerk to you. I’m honestly
surprised that you’ve allowed me back into the house.”
“I don’t actually have a choice, Nick.”
I’m preparing the beef patties while Nick washes the lettuce. The
domestic scene cuts me like a knife to the heart. This could have been our
normal. I stop what I’m doing and stare at him for a moment, he would
hardly ever spend any time in the kitchen beforehand, at least not
voluntarily. I giggle at the way he’s massacring that lettuce and watch the
way his hands and fingers move. My stupid body finds this moment to
recall how his hands used to feel on my body and goose bumps break out
over my skin. The way his fingers would caress my back after sex, as I
would lie on his chest. How he made sure his lips would kiss every inch of
skin it could reach. My nipples stiffen at the erotic memories inside my bra.
Snap out of it Alannah. I don’t get to dwell on it for long however since my
dad and Charlie come back inside because he’s heading off. I don’t have a
spare room so he usually stays with my mother and Pat when he’s here,
which I find odd but it works for them.
“Dennis, can I have a word please?” I hear Nick ask. My father doesn’t
reply just heads for the front door. I follow them and hide behind the door
in case things escalate between them and I need to step in. “You don’t have
to like me but the least we can do is be civil and respect each other for
Alannah and Charlotte’s sake. I’m her father, that’s not going to change no
matter how much you may wish it to and I’m not going anywhere either .”
“I thought the last time we spoke I made my feelings very clear.” When
did Dad see Nick? He never mentioned anything to me.
“Well a lot has changed since then.”
“You listen to me and listen good. I do not care who you are or how
much money you have, I can’t stand the sight of you. Alannah may be
willing to give you a chance to be a father to that darling girl because that’s
the type of person she is, her big heart has always been her downfall but
I’m no fool, people like you don’t change. Screw with my daughter and
granddaughter and I will not hesitate to crush you. In the meantime stay
away from me and we won’t have a problem.” I quickly run back to the
kitchen to not get caught eavesdropping and pretend to know nothing,
however my heart is racing at their exchange.
Nick left right after dinner after helping clean up. He was smiling and
acting fine for Charlotte but he wasn’t fine, it was all an act. He was lost in
his head somewhere. I did the best I could to make the meal a fun one for
our daughter but it wasn’t easy, not that she noticed anything was wrong.
Standing in the shower I think over our conversations today. I have
more questions than answers. He said he came for me then left. He was
going to get me to choose between them. I can’t believe that, he was never
that cold and heartless before. Regardless he would have lost. When did my
father see him, does he know something more than he has let on? What
caused Nick to run out like that this afternoon? Why did it take him so long
to show up? I’m giving myself a headache trying to makes sense of it all.
There has to be more to the story. I shouldn’t care but curiously I do.
I only hope I don’t live to regret this.
CHAPTER 13
 N ICHOL A S

I 'm staying at the Hyatt Regency and waiting in the hotel's restaurant at
lunch time for my guest to arrive. If she shows up that is. I’m still not
positive that she’s coming. While I wait I nurse my glass of scotch
and think about my shopping trip with Charlie. Normally I’m not one to
volunteer to go shopping but I enjoyed myself. I acted like such a big kid
trying out new toys I had never heard of before. I grin as I think about it.
She is such a well behaved little girl and I loved the one on one time we
had. As soon as she spotted the Belle costume that was it, she had to have it,
even though she still politely asked for it and insisted on wearing it then and
there. I wasn’t sure how to handle that request so I gave in and put it on her
over her clothes. She looked adorable and wore it to the supermarket getting
smiles from everyone we passed.
During my conversation with Alannah I started having a panic attack.
What if I had gone up to that apartment and convinced her to get rid of the
baby? Charlotte wouldn’t be here right now and that thought makes me sick
to my stomach. I’m such a stupid son of a bitch, she would have ended up
hating me in the end and the world would not have had the chance to know
what an amazing young lady my daughter is, because I know just by
looking at her that she’s going to achieve great things. I’m certain all
parents must feel the same way.
Then when Alannah and I were in her kitchen together last night
preparing dinner I caught her looking my way on a few occasions, perhaps I
still affect her more than she wants to admit. When we sat down to eat I
couldn’t get the idea out of my head if we would have had dinners like this
if we stayed together or if I would have been the type of father who was
always too busy with work to have meals with my family. So many what-ifs
are running through my brain with no clear answers.
Glancing across the room I see her walk in, dressed in black pants and
flower patterned long sleeve shirt. She stands by the entrance looking
around the room for me. I notice how the past few years have changed her,
even though she's still a good looking woman at her age. She spots me,
straightens her back to stand taller and walks across the dining room to
stand next to my table. I rise up out of my chair to greet her.
“Gina.”
“Nicholas.” Alannah’s mother throws daggers at me with her eyes, eyes
that match her daughter’s.
“Please take a seat.” I indicate to the chair opposite me. She hesitates
for a moment but does as I ask.
“Would you like a drink?”
“Sparkling water will be fine, thank you.” I nod to the nearby waiter
who heads off to the bar to bring her a bottle and glass. “I don’t know why
I'm here but call me curious. Why did you ask to meet with me?" She says
getting straight to the point.
“I want to apologise to you. It’s long overdue. Before Alannah and I
became engaged I made certain promises to you which I broke in the worst
possible way. I never intended to hurt her. I’m sorry. I'm sure you’re aware
that Dennis came by Alannah's house yesterday and found me there.”
“Yes, I heard. He had plenty to say about it. I appreciate you wanting to
see me and apologise in person, Nicholas, but I don’t know what else you
are expecting from me.”
“It’s obvious that Dennis is never going to forgive me, and if I’m being
honest I don’t really care, it’s not his forgiveness I need or want but you're
Alannah's mother. You live here. I would like for us to get along. I don’t
want Charlotte to pick up on any animosity between us.”
“Why now all of a sudden, Nicholas?” She peers at me with disbelief
while narrowed eyes are fixed on me.
“I was wrong, I admit it and I've lost enough time as it is with them. I
want to put my family back together. If any other man was in my shoes he
would have reacted the same way. Don’t tell me that he wouldn’t have.”
“True, but maybe another man would have been honest and not treated
her like dirt on his shoes or I don’t know, listened to her.” There is no
satisfactory answer I can give to that so I choose to say nothing. “Do you
still love her?”
“I do.” My love for her is the one thing I am most certain about.
“Let me ask you a question. Now that you have met your daughter,
accepted her and love her and then somebody comes along in twenty years’
time and hurts her the way you did Alannah, what would you do?”
“Kill them,” I answer. I would ensure that they suffered. I understand
exactly what she’s trying to tell me. I never expected this to be easy but I
have to try.
“I want to tell you something about my daughter. She's put up a wall
around her heart and the only person allowed in is Charlotte because she
feels that’s the only person who won’t hurt her. You destroyed her Nicholas.
She's no longer the woman you remember. But she's strong and if you think
it’s going to be easy for her to let you in again, it won’t be. I would love
nothing more than to see Alannah truly happy again but I'm not sure if
you’re the one who can do that. You already had your chance.”
“Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”
“Not always. She waited by that phone for you to call. Even though she
kept cursing you out and hating you she still somehow kept some hope until
there was nothing left. I was there holding her hand while she was giving
birth but she was crying out for you. Do you have any idea how painful it is
to see your child in so much heartache and misery?”
I hate the mental image she has just put into my head. I don’t want to
picture Alannah suffering but she did, and all because of me.
“No, I don’t. So what do I do? I can’t just walk away from them. No
matter how long it takes I’m going to be here and work on fixing us.”
“There is nothing I can tell you that will help. It’s up to Alannah, but if I
were you I would concentrate on Charlotte for the time being. Let my
daughter live her life and if by some miracle she changes her mind and
wants to give you another chance, then so be it. Listen, Nicholas, I know
deep down you’re a decent guy who wants to right his wrongs and I’m not
going to stand in the way or cause you trouble, because frankly it has
nothing to do with me in the end. If she never wants to try again then
promise me that you’ll continue to be the best father that little girl
deserves.”
“Of course I will. There’s no question about that.” Even though it will
hurt tremendously only seeing her a few times throughout the year,
knowing that she’s growing up on the other side of the country away from
me.
“Well as nice as this has been I should get going.” Gina rises up from
her chair to leave. I stand as well but stop her.
“Wait, before you go can I ask you something?”
“I suppose.”
“What about this Henry guy Alannah is seeing?” I watch as she looks
beyond me over my shoulder and thinks about her response before making
eye contact with me again.
“All I will say is that I know my daughter well, and she doesn’t love
him. Goodbye, Nicholas.”
I don’t get a chance to question her further thanks to my phone ringing
in my pocket. It’s the head of the London office calling about a problem.
The legal department have screwed up a contract for an important deal and I
need to deal with it in person and possibly fire a few dickheads. I hate going
over there, it does not bring happy memories, in fact the worst time of my
life was spent there but I have no choice in this situation but to fly over and
deal with it.
So much for spending more time here. I call my assistant to book tickets
from here straight to England then call Alannah.
“Nick?” The simple sound of her voice over the phone still has the
power to render me speechless and make me pause.
“Hi, I need to fly out to London today, something urgent has come up at
work. I may not be able to call Charlie every night because of the time
difference but I’ll try my best. I’ll be in touch about my parents coming
down in a couple of weeks.”
“I appreciate you letting me know.” That’s all she has to say?
“Can I say bye to Charlotte?”
“Yeah, sure, one second.”
I spend the next two minutes explaining why I won’t be around today as
promised. It sucks having to be so far away from them however that’s how
it has to be for now. I meant what I told Gina, no matter how long it takes I
will continue to fight.
CHAPTER 14
 A L A N NA H

I spent most of last night and this morning cleaning like a crazy person
to make sure the house is spotless and tidy. I’m proud of my home but
it’s a far cry from the type of life Charlotte would have had back in
Sydney with Nick and his family.
I'm nervous and a little scared. I’m afraid of being judged by people
who were almost my family. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud, yet I
can’t seem to sit still, I straighten the couch cushions over again and double
check for any abandoned toys. It's not every day you have to face the
grandparents of your child and parents of your ex-fiancé who you haven’t
seen for five years.
These past two weeks have gone by too fast for my liking, having heard
from Nick only a handful of times since he flew to London. Then late last
night I received a text from him letting me know what time he and his
parents would be coming over today.
Charlotte has missed their nightly calls and has fallen asleep holding on
to the phone a number of times so she is definitely eager to see him. I sat
Charlotte down and spoke to her about her father’s family, even showing
her photos of them. She is nothing but excited to be getting more
grandparents who will no doubt spoil her rotten. She seems to be adapting
to having so many new family members in her life quite well. The
resilience of children I guess.
I myself have tried to not think of anything to do with the past and
concentrate on the future only. Not that it’s been easy. So many memories
have been trying to resurface the closer I got to today. When I ran away,
because let’s face it, that’s exactly what I did, I believed I had truly left
them and everything else behind for good. How wrong I was.
I can be thankful that I’m not nearly as nervous as I could have been if
Mary had not called me a few days ago. In fact I’m still reeling from that
surprise phone call. Nick gave her my phone number as she believed it best
to talk and clear the air before coming in person to meet Charlotte. I was
waiting to hear and experience some hostility from her when in fact she
tried to make me feel better about keeping my daughter and the reason I left
so suddenly a secret, increasing my respect for her.
“Hello?” It’s a Sydney number I don’t recognise.
“Alannah? It’s Mary Moore.” I almost drop the phone from the surprise
and disbelief. I sit down on the floor of my bedroom and lean against my
bed.
“Um…hi, Mary,” I squeak out, my mouth suddenly dry. Shit, what do I
say?
“I can imagine you weren’t expecting my call today but I wanted to talk
to you before coming out there this weekend.”
“Okay. Sure.” I comb my fingers through my hair, waiting to hear what
she wants to say to me.
“Firstly, I would apologise to you for my son. I realise it’s a little late
but I didn’t raise him to be that kind of man. In all honesty, we never knew
what occurred between the two of you, he refused to tell us anything. I’m
sorry. I should have pushed him and tried harder to get him to open up, but
I could see it would upset my son every time I brought up your name. I
attempted to call you but by the time we knew anything was wrong you had
left the city and changed your number. Why didn’t you come to me, darling?
I could have helped you both.” A heaviness settles on my chest making it
difficult to breathe while tears fill my eyes.
“I have no real answer for that question besides being extremely upset
and wanting to put as much distance between us as possible. I know he’s
your son, Mary but you weren’t there that day, you didn’t see him, the look
of hatred on his face when he kicked me out, the words he said to me. I was
lost in a fog. When I didn’t hear from anybody as time went on, I assumed
that you all believed Nick’s version of events. I had no idea that you were
all kept in the dark for so long. I chose to protect myself and my baby so I
left. Maybe I made the cowards’ choice but I would do it again in a
heartbeat. I’m sorry it turned out this way.”
 “I couldn’t figure out why or how things went so wrong. You two were
so in love.”
“If Nick didn’t believe me what chance did I have of anyone else
listening to me? I didn’t want to have to defend myself over and over
again.”
“Well, it’s in the past now and we can’t change it. I really am looking
forward to seeing you again. We can’t wait to meet Charlotte, Nicholas has
told me so much about her and she sounds wonderful.”
“Why are you being so understanding and kind to me?” The million
dollar question.
“We don’t hate you, Alannah. Yes we’re upset and hurt over the
situation but you’re the mother of my grandchild. I know how much you
loved him once and the type of person you are. My son has made mistakes,
I’m not denying that or excusing his behaviour however I also know his
thoughts and feelings. It’s not a good situation for anyone to be in.”
I stare at the clock on my wall ticking down the minutes to their arrival.
I’m dressed in a pair of black jeans with a pink blouse. Charlotte is in one
of her favourite purple sundresses with her hair in pigtails looking as cute as
can be. I’ve left her playing in her room until they get here.
I think my heart’s going to jump out of my chest from the anxiety. I
grab my phone to text Rachael, needing reassurance. She’s been the voice
of reason over this entire situation over our many phone calls.

Me: I’m freaking the fuck out

Rachel: What’s going on?
Me: I’m sitting here waiting for them to show up
Rachel: Okay…
Me: Can I pretend I’m not home???
Rachel: LOL No. Everything will be fine
Me: What if they tell me what a horrible person I am?
Rachel: They won’t. Trust me, they’re going to play nice
to meet Charlie
Me: I guess you’re right. I’m just nervous
Rachel: Put your big girl pants on. You got this. Call me
later
 A quiet and gentle knock on the door has me staring hard at it, as if I
may be able to peer through the wood. Maybe I can just pretend I’m not
home. Now I’m being ridiculous. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and
smooth down my hair before opening up. There they stand looking the same
and as immaculate as they did the last time we were in the same room. Both
Mary and Greg are smiling at me. Greg is carrying a large gift bag which I
can only assume is a present for their granddaughter.
Do I hug them or shake their hand?
Nicholas appears exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and about
an extra weeks’ worth of growth on his beard. What the hell was he doing
over in London? Not your business Alannah, you shouldn’t care if he’s tired.
“Hi. Come on in.” Mary hugs me as she breezes past and Greg greets
me with a kiss to the cheek.
“Alannah you look wonderful,” Mary gushes.
“Thank you.” The compliment causes me to slightly blush.
Nick enters last, his cologne wafting over me as he passes. It’s the same
one he used to wear when we were together. Back then just the smell of him
was all it took to get me needy and naked. Bastard is probably wearing it on
purpose. Well I’m not falling for it. Nope, no matter how good he smells.
“Welcome, I’ll go get Charlotte.” I step away taking in a deep breathe to
calm my nerves. It’s strange having them here in my home, as if I’ve
entered the twilight zone. I enter Charlie’s room, calling her name out.
“Daddy’s here with his mum and dad. Are you ready to meet your new
grandparents?”
She abandons her colouring, grabbing my hand we walk back out
together into the living room. She’s half hiding behind my legs, her shyness
taking over as she eyes her grandparents for the first time ever, taking them
in. Nick immediately comes over to her, picks her up and walks her over to
his parents making the necessary introductions. She trusts him, so if her
daddy is smiling and talking to them then there should be no reason to fear
them.
“Hello there, beautiful girl. It’s so lovely to meet you. My name is Mary
and I’m your Grammie and this here is your Pop Greg.” Mary all but starts
crying coming face to face with Charlotte as she runs a gentle hand across
her cheek.
“Hello, little lady. I heard you like Disney princesses so we thought you
might like to have a castle for them to live in.” Greg says handing her the
bag. It’s too large for her to hold on to so Nick takes it allowing her to peek
inside.
“Wow. Thank you.” She answers with large and excited eyes. “Can I
open it now?” She loudly whispers to Nick who chuckles. Setting her down
on the floor he helps her open up her toy. It’s a beautiful plastic princess
castle which opens up to reveal different rooms much like a dolls house
along with a couple of dolls.
I offer them seats on the couch then stand there as an observer watching
them all interact. I keep waiting for an accusatory look to come my way but
there’s nothing. They’ve waltzed in here as if the last five years haven’t
occurred. My living room suddenly feels too small with them all in here.
“Would anybody like a drink or some coffee?” This way I can step away
for a few minutes to try and make sense of my thoughts and reflect on
what’s occurring here and the possibility all will turn out fine.
“Coffee would be great dear, thank you.”
“Nick?” He looks over, studying me like he’s trying to find something
before answering.
“I’ll have the same.”
A few minutes later I return with three coffee mugs on a tray, my tea
and some milk for Charlotte. I place the tray down onto the coffee table and
take a seat in the single armchair. I sit back and listen as my daughter
questions Mary on her favourite things, movies and food, all while she’s
seated in her father’s lap, holding onto one of the dolls. I’m happy to see
her slowly opening up to them. In between Charlie’s inquisition, Mary asks
me what I’ve been up to and we chat a little about my work and my parents.
So far, so good. Some of the tension starts to release from my shoulders.
Greg clears his throat to gain my attention whilst Mary continues to
play with Charlotte. He smiles kindly, only his words are not as good-
natured as I had hoped.
“So what are the plans for the future, have you talked about it at all, in
regards to custody and visitation, a formal agreement may be a good idea.
Charlotte will be starting school soon and decisions like this can be made
easier if the parties have discussed these things beforehand. Such as which
parent does she spend Christmas with and so forth?”
“Well it hasn’t exactly been all that long.” I start to say looking to Nick
for help, panicking because I haven’t considered any of that yet.
 He jumps in telling his father to drop it as nicely as possible. “We don’t
need a piece of paper to be able to raise our daughter together.” Greg can’t
help but wear his lawyer hat, having practised the profession for over thirty
years. I recognise all he’s doing is looking out for his son’s interests here
and I can’t really blame him, although he could have waited and not
brought it up in the first hour of their visit.
“Be that as it may, just think about it, it will save a lot of heartache and
misunderstanding down the road. That’s all I ask. No one ever expects or
wants things to get ugly but sometimes these things happen when emotions
get involved.”
“Dad, that’s enough.” Nick grits out through his teeth not wanting
Charlotte to hear his anger.
Is Greg right? Do I insist on drawing up a parenting agreement for
shared holidays and birthdays and all the other crap we’ll need to deal with
together. I can’t fathom not having Charlotte here with me at Christmas, but
then again Nick will want to also spend his first Christmas with her as well.
What kind of school will he be happy sending her to? No doubt he’ll choose
a horrible private school. Just the thought of being away from her for any
reason is depressing.
Mary’s voice pulls me out of my head. “You’ve done very well for
yourself, Alannah. Charlotte is such a happy child, she’s just delightful. You
should be so proud of her. Can I see some of her baby pictures?” She asks
me.
“Of course, I’ll be right back.” I leave them for a minute to retrieve the
photo album from my bedroom. On my return I overhear their conversation
and slow my steps staying out of sight.
“I love her already, Nick. She’s an angel. Seeing you all together gives
me hope things will turn out for the best. Have you had any ideas about
how you’re going to convince Alannah to give you another chance?”
“It’s not that easy mother. Even though she’s been more accommodating
than I could ask for, she still hates me for what I did.” He sounds frustrated.
What does he expect, for everything to be hunky dory, because he’s finally
stepping up and taking responsibility like he should have from the
beginning?
I make noise as I commence my stride back into the room.
“Here you go.” I hand Mary the photos. She opens the front cover and
coos at the photo of a newborn Charlie with Greg looking on beside her.
Charlotte stands on the other side of her explaining the story that goes with
each photo. I feel Nick’s eyes on me and try to avoid looking his way. It’s
starting to irritate me, and making me self-conscious. I’m grateful when I
hear my phone ringing from the kitchen so I can escape his gaze.
“Excuse me.” I mumble. I stride into kitchen to quickly answer it before
it gets sent to voicemail. It’s Henry. Shit!
“Henry?”
“Hey. How’s everything going? I was calling to ask if you guys have
plans tomorrow, Stevie wants to visit the zoo and I thought Charlie might
enjoy it.”
“Maybe. Listen, now’s not a good time for me to talk, can I call you
back later.” The last thing I need is to be making plans with him while
certain people are in my house.
“Sure thing. You know where to find me.”
I hang up and turn around to see Nick in the doorway. He must have
overheard or realised who was on the phone based on the sour look on his
face.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
He takes two steps forward towards me however there’s nowhere for me
to go seeing as I’m right next to the counter. His grey eyes darken, piercing
me with jealousy. It’s a look I know well from him. Just as quickly, they
change back to their usual colour.
“I just wanted to thank you for today. My parents are over the moon.” I
look down.
“There’s no need to thank me. This was the right thing to do.”
When I raise my head again he’s come even closer. I tightly squeeze the
phone still in my hand.
“I want you to ignore what my father was saying. I don’t want to fight
with you over any of that.”
“Neither do I, but-”
“No buts, we can work this out. I know we can.” I shake my head not
wanting to hear it. “Alannah.”
He reaches over and takes the phone out of my hand, placing in onto the
counter then reaches back for my hand, running his thumb across my
knuckles the way he always used to. Electricity and sparks run up my arm.
My body would never not react when he touched me. The hairs on my arm
stand up, with my heart rate increasing, my breathing becomes shallow and
he’s only holding my hand, why do I still feel this strong pull to him after
everything. His eyes are pleading with me and are those of the man I first
fell in love with and not the cold monster who destroyed us. It’s been so
long since I’ve had such a reaction and felt anything close to this all
because of his body being in such close proximity to mine. If it was
anybody else I would want nothing more than for him to kiss me. Why is it
only him that can have this effect on me damn it?
“We can. I believe it deep down inside my heart.” He quietly and
convincingly says. “Charlie wasn’t the only one I missed while I was gone.
I thought about you every night. Did you miss me?”
“Not at all.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“Is that so?”
“The instant you saw me when you opened your door your eyes smiled,
they actually twinkled. Your lips slightly curved in the smallest of smiles.
It’s been so long since you’ve looked at me like that.” His face inches closer
to mine. “I want to make my presence bring you happiness again when you
see me.” My eyes involuntarily close, trying to hide from the truth he’s
declaring. “Admit it. You were happy to see me.” Sensing his warm breath
on my lips it snaps me out of this dangerous moment.
He’s too close. A second longer and his lips will land on mine.
What am I doing? I pull my hand away and step around him.
“In your dreams.” I step around him, leaving him in my kitchen
chuckling.
A long hour later, Mary and Greg decide to head back to the hotel
they’re staying at as to not overwhelm Charlotte. I spent that hour not even
turning Nicholas’ way. Why does he want to torture me like this? I’ve told
him I don’t trust him, that I can’t go through that again with him and yet he
still persists.
Standing at the door saying bye to them, they again thank me for having
them visit.
“Would you mind if we see you both tonight for dinner, maybe at the
hotel before we fly out in the morning?” Mary kindly requests.
How can I say no to them? They have so much time they want to make
up for.
“Of course. That would be lovely. We’ll see you later on.”
“Bye daddy. Will I see you later?”
 Nick is kneeling down hugging Charlotte. Her little arms around his
neck. “Yes princess. I’m going to see you tonight. Be good for Mummy,
okay. I love you.”
Once they’re gone I turn to my daughter who’s on the couch playing
with her new dolls again. I sit next to her then pull her onto my lap kissing
her head.
“Did you have fun with your grandparents?”
“Yeah, I liked them. They were nice.” She looks up at me sadly.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just wish daddy didn’t have to leave again.”
I hold her to me tighter. Oh Charlotte, I wish I could give you the family
you deserve.

Later in the day I hear my phone go off indicating a new text message. I
pick it up off the kitchen counter and see it’s from Rachael. Opening it up it
has a photo attachment along with it. The picture is of Rachael with her
little girl Ally. Underneath the caption reads, ‘Guess who’s going to be a big
sister?’ They all look so happy. I reply with a congratulations, put my phone
down and walk into the living room on shaky legs before collapsing on the
couch.
I cover my face with my hands as the tears come. Crying for what I’ve
lost, the broken dreams, the loneliness. I’m so lost in my grief I don’t even
hear Charlotte come into the room until she speaks.
“Mummy what’s wrong?” she worriedly asks.
“I’m just a little sad but nothing one of your great big hugs won’t fix.”
I pull my daughter into my arms and take in her scent. The happiest
feeling in the world is holding onto my baby with her little body curled into
mine. She has the power to brighten my day with a single hug and smile.
All I ever wanted as I got older was for my own child to have a sibling, to
not be lonely growing up like I was, to have a happy unbroken home, but
look at me, I’ve failed her. Rachael gets her happily ever after. What have I
done? I’m sorry Charlotte we’ve both screwed up. I kiss her on top of her
head as my silent tears continue to fall.
I love my friend but I can’t help but feel a little jealousy.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Where do I go from here?
CHAPTER 15
 A L A N NA H

A whole month has passed since Nick was here with his parents.
Charlie is missing him and constantly asking when she’s going to
see him again. I spoke to him a week ago after he called to talk
with Charlotte. He told me that there’s no way he can come to see her for at
least another month, it’s a really busy time for him at work, a new project is
starting and there is no possible way for him to get away for a few days. He
asked if I would at all consider flying out to Sydney with Charlotte for a
weekend. My first instinct was to say no but I can’t do that to my daughter.
In order for their relationship to continue growing they need to spend time
together. I on the other hand don’t know if I’ll have the courage to step foot
inside his apartment while we’re there, so we’ll be staying at a nearby hotel
instead.
Mary learned that we’ll be there this weekend and called to invite me
over for lunch on Sunday. Their visit here went fine, but I’m not sure how
this time it’s going to play out. I can only hope for the best.
Nick also brought up the topic of Charlotte’s upcoming birthday. His
suggestion was to fly his family here and hold a birthday party for her at
home. He even offered to pay for it which I told him wasn’t necessary. This
will be the first time her whole family will be there to celebrate it with her.
I’m certain she’ll love having a large party although I can’t say the same.
My only wish is for it to go smoothly without any drama. I can’t believe my
baby girl will be turning five in a few months. Time really does fly. I wish I
could hold onto these simple moments with her for a little while longer.
 Work has been busy thanks to a new development of apartments that
John is selling which helps to keep my mind off the things going on in my
personal life, Henry being one of those things. He asked me to join him for
dinner on two occasions this past month. I agreed but cut our evening short
as my heart and head wasn’t in it. I could see the disappointment in his face
but he didn’t argue the point. The second time I turned him down and made
up the excuse that I couldn’t get a babysitter for that weekend. He knew I
was lying since my mother is always willing to come over and watch
Charlie. I don’t know what the matter with me is, the thought of spending
time with him wasn’t as appealing as it once was. Perhaps whatever we had
going on has run its course. Or perhaps a certain ex who lives in Sydney is
consuming your thoughts again.
Charlie and I are flying out tomorrow morning. My mother has Charlie
for the night and will bring her back in plenty of time to head to the airport.
Nick will be sending his company plane down for us. It was a battle to stop
him doing so, I would rather catch a commercial flight and not put him to
any trouble but he insisted saying he’d feel better knowing his daughter is
flying on an aircraft he knows is safe. How do I argue with that?
I’ve already packed for our weekend trip. As I pulled out my suitcase
from the top shelf in my closet a box fell down with it, the lid opening and
the contents spilling out on the floor. While on my hands and knees
collecting the various papers I came across our engagement announcement
photo. Nicholas in his grey suite with white shirt and red tie to match my
dress. It feels like this was taken a lifetime ago. My throat instantly fills
with unshed tears. Why today of all days? Is the universe against me?
For the past hour I’ve been sitting on my couch staring at the
photograph in my hand and drinking cheap white wine straight from the
bottle. The effects are hitting me strongly seeing as I have always been a
lightweight and cheap drunk when it comes to alcohol.
My phone rings beside me. I answer without checking to see who it is.
“Heeelllooo.” I slur slightly as I answer.
“Alannah?” The concerned voice comes across. Shit.
“Hellooo, Niiicholass.”
“Are you okay?” As if you care.
“No, not really.” I admit.
“Are you drunk?”
“Maybe just a little bit.” I giggle and hear him exhale over the speaker.
 “Where’s Charlotte?”
“It’s Friday, she’s with my mother.” Please, as if I’d be drinking with
her around. I roll my eyes at him.
“Oh, right, of course. I was calling to confirm that everything is still
good to go ahead at ten thirty tomorrow.” Is he afraid I won’t get on the
plane? I told him we’ll be there and I keep my word. Unlike some people.
“Yep.” I answer popping the ‘p’. I hear him clear his throat before he
speaks again.
“Why are you drinking?” Do I lie or go with the truth? No. I’m going to
tell him why. Let him suffer along with me.
“Do you know what the date is today?”
“June nineteenth .” He states but says nothing else.
“Today would have been our wedding anniversary.”
“I know, Alannah.” He whispers so softly I barely hear him.
“Tell me something, Nick, how did you spend the day we were
supposed to be getting married?”
“Alannah…” he hesitates, his voice coming across thick and brittle.
“Tell me.” I insist.
“I really don’t remember. I was drunk most of that day and night. I
wanted to forget. Is that what you want to hear?”
Of course he did. Suddenly I’m really angry.
“Well do you know how I spent it? I was in the hospital that day. I was
so upset that my blood pressure sky rocketed and I started spotting. They
kept me in there for three days. I was so scared I thought I was going to lose
my baby. I was terrified, not only was I going to lose my precious baby but
also the last bit I had left of you too.” I still loved him after the atrocious
way he treated me back then.
The tears start to rapidly fall recalling that day. Damn this wine is
making me emotional. I take another swing from the bottle.
“Lana…” he begins but I stop him. He only ever called me that when
we were in bed or when he told me he loved me. It’s like a stab to the heart
to hear him use that name.
“It’s not fair. Why did you have to make me fall in love with you so
deeply? Why did you trust me so little that you never gave me the
opportunity to explain? My heart actually hurt, every time I took a breath I
felt it ache. Why did I have to go through that, Nick, I get it, I’m not that
stupid, I’ve had time to think, you had a valid reason for not believing me
but you knew me, Nicholas, better than anybody else. I waited a month to
have sex with you, I wanted it to mean something, how could you think I
would possibly go out and screw someone else. We were getting
MARRIED!”
The sobs and tears are coming full force now and will not stop. Way to
go, having a break down over the phone. I’m never drinking again.
“I’m sorry you went through that. The last thing I would have ever
wanted was for you to go through that. No matter how many times I
apologise, it will never be enough.”
I try to control myself enough to speak wiping my nose with the back of
my hand that’s holding the bottle.
“There was this one nurse while I was in the hospital, she could see the
pain written on my face and told me the best way to get over a broken heart
is to heal it with a new love, so that’s what I did. I filled it with love, love
for myself and my daughter. Now you come along and want to break me
again.”
“Never. Please believe me. I hated myself afterwards. I have wished that
I could have taken that day back so many fucking times.” I put the bottle on
the floor and lay down on the couch, my head feeling heavy.
“I don’t have it in me to fight with you anymore, Nick. I give in.” I
close my eyes with the phone still at my ear. As I fall asleep I think I hear
him whisper “I love you, Alannah.”

Charlotte and I turn up at the airport and are escorted out on to the
tarmac and on the Moore & Morgan plane. We take the stairs up and enter
where we’re greeted by our flight attendant. Once we’ve taken our seats I
let out a sigh. There’s no backing out now. I have a sight headache thanks to
the wine I consumed and the tears I cried but it could have been worse. At
least I didn’t tell him how often I would fall asleep with his photo under my
pillow in the beginning.
My daughter is bouncing up and down in her seat from excitement
beside the window. This is her very first time on a plane and she is super
thrilled, add that to the fact we’re on our way to visit her father and there is
nothing that will calm her down. She is amazed by how high we are, her
little eyes glued to the window looking out at the clouds below us.
My own however keep glancing to the back of the plane where the
bedroom is located remembering the first time Nick brought me on it and
joining the mile high club with him. We had been dating for a little over
three months when he had to fly to Hong Kong for a meeting. He took me
along with him saying he didn’t want to be separated for even the four days
he would be gone. Once upon a time he used to always such sweet things to
me. If I close my eyes I can picture it all, the sounds, the smells, the way he
would stare into my eyes as I laid below him, surrounded by him. His
cheeky grin when he teased me. I shake my head to clear it of the images. It
feels like a lifetime ago.
When we land it’s almost six in the evening because of the time
difference, it’s dark and a lot colder than the weather we left behind. Wade
meets us at the airport to take us to our hotel.
“Hello, Miss Charlotte. Welcome to Sydney.” He greets us with a grin
as he holds the car door open. “Miss Stewart.” I smile at him and follow my
daughter into the back seat.
Driving through the tunnel on the motorway and along the familiar
streets and sights of the city, a feeling of melancholy settles over me. I once
had a life here. I was happy here. It doesn’t feel real that I’m back. I didn’t
think I would ever be returning.
“Having fun?” I ask Charlie.
“Yes, Mummy. Everything is so busy and different.” She answers
without looking my way.
Half an hour later we are getting dropped off outside of our hotel. I
thank Wade, collect our luggage and check in. In our room as Charlotte
explores all the drawers and cupboards I send Nick a text message like I
promised, letting him know that we’ve arrived.
He replies that he’s still at work but wants the three of us to have dinner
at the pizzeria across the road from the hotel at eight. I agree then I drop my
phone onto the bed and move across to the window to take in the view.
How will this weekend go considering I see this as being Nick’s home turf
and not mine? There are no sides here, only two people doing their best to
co-parent. If only my heart and brain would get on the same page about
that, it would make my life easier.
 Staying in this room is going to drive me crazy until dinner time.
“Charlotte, want to go out exploring?”

At eight o’clock on the dot we walk into the pizza place to find Nick
already seated and waiting for us. He’s dressed down in jeans and white t-
shirt with a brown jacket over the top. It’s still busy, the chatter of the
crowd and clinking of the cutlery filling the small space. The aroma of
cooking pizza and pasta has me feeling famished and salivating.
“Daddy!” Charlotte runs to him.
“There’s my girl. I’ve missed you.” He swings her up and crushes her to
his chest in a huge hug. “Hi.”
“Hey.” After our conversation last night, I’m a little shy and
embarrassed, finding it difficult to look into his eyes.
We take our seats at the table and open up our menus. I feel Nick’s gaze
on me and look up.
“Thank you for coming, I know it wasn’t an easy decision for you but
it’s good seeing you back here.” I have nothing to say to that so I nod and
move my attention back to the menu in front of me, asking my daughter
what she would like to eat. “Have you missed the city?” he continues.
“I haven’t allowed myself to miss it.” It’s the truth, each and every time
my mind wandered to Sydney and the things I left behind here, I forced
myself to stop and think of something else instead.
Halfway through our meals Nick tries to further talk to me about our
conversation from last night.
“Tell me what you went through. I want to know.” I place my fork down
losing my appetite.
“Please, not now, Nick. I will one day but I’m not ready yet. It’s still
painful to think about. Last night it was the wine talking.”
“Okay, I won’t push, but know that I’m here and ready to listen when
you’re ready to tell me.”
“I appreciate that.”
 Charlotte is getting tired and rubbing her sleepy eyes and that’s my cue
to get back to the hotel and put her to bed. Her body clock is still on Perth
time and telling her it’s past midnight, even if she had a small nap on the
plane, it’s late. Nick walks us back carrying her the entire way. We don’t
talk as we stroll along, just look forward and watch our feet as they step on
the pavement.
Outside the hotel’s revolving doors he places a half asleep Charlie in my
arms.
“Do you need any help with her?”
“No I’ve got it, thanks.”
“I’ll be here in the morning to pick you up and take you both out for
breakfast if that’s okay, then we’ll spend some time together, maybe out at
the marina if the weather is nice enough, show Charlotte the boats before
heading over to my parent’s house.”
“Whatever you want, Nick, this is your weekend to spend time with
Charlotte however you wish.” He rubs her back and kisses her cheek while
I’m holding her.
“Guess what? Tomorrow I’m going to show you the house where I grew
up. It has a huge backyard we can play catch in. Would you like that?” She
nods her head at him, too tired to do any more than that.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Alannah and thanks again.”
I turn away making my way inside. He stands out there on the sidewalk
until we disappear into the elevator looking dejected. As much as I hated
him and am angry with him it still hurts seeing him like that. I’m not a
mean person relishing in someone else’s pain. Ever since he showed up he
really has made a tremendous effort. I can’t fault him in that respect.
Don’t let yourself soften Alannah just because you’re back here.
Nothing has changed.
CHAPTER 16
 N ICHOL A S

I ’ve been stressed to the max this month. I have so many fucking deals
happening at once, designs that need to be completed, I have
paperwork coming out of my ears and half of my employees decided
to catch the fucking flu now of all times and leave me with little to no help.
I’m functioning on a maximum of four hours of sleep a night and
exhausted. The only good thing has been my nightly chats with my
daughter. She doesn’t fail to put a smile on my face. I’ve missed her
terribly.
I honestly didn’t believe I had a chance in hell of getting Alannah to
come here, that I would have had to argue more to convince her, but she
surprised me. She has surprised me with everything since I showed up on
her doorstep when it comes to me spending time with Charlotte. I’m
grateful to her for not making things more difficult. The last thing I would
want was to fight with her and have our daughter caught in the middle. I’m
going to be positive about her flying here and take it as a step in the right
direction.
Leaving them at their hotel I take my time walking home. It’s not far
and I need the fresh air to help clear my head after dinner. They’re both so
close yet so far. Last night I couldn’t sleep after I got off the phone with
Alannah. A drunk Alannah is usually funny and full of laughter but not this
time. I hated hearing how upset she was over the phone. She was unable to
hide her raw emotions. I really have no idea what she went through,
including the fact she was in hospital, that she endured the fear and
uncertainty of losing the baby all on her own. I’m thankful it didn’t come to
that but once again the blame sits solely with me. She needs more time to
open up to me and I’ll give it to her, but how much time are we talking
here?
If I’m honest with myself, deep down I was always afraid that I would
do something to ruin things because I wasn’t good enough for her, that
happiness doesn’t last and I proved myself right. I was a major dick but I’m
determined to change that. Is that why it was so easy for me to push her
away, because I thought I was better off alone even if my heart felt dead
without her. I couldn’t hurt any more than I already did right?
Tomorrow should be interesting. My mother is hoping that by having
the whole family there it will clear the air and allow us to move on. I’m not
so sure it will turn out the way she wants. There’s only one way to find out.

I pick Alannah and Charlotte up in the morning and take them to

Pancakes on the Rocks for breakfast. My mother would bring us there every
school holidays. I would order the devil’s delight chocolate pancakes,
covered in sauce, strawberries and ice-cream every time and I want to share
the experience and food with Charlotte since she’s here.
After breakfast I drive us down to the marina at Double Bay. There’s
not a cloud in the sky, it’s a perfect day to be out and about. I made sure to
bring some bread with me so Charlotte can feed the local ducks. Walking
along the wooden jetty, Charlie is amazed by the harbour bridge visible
from our location.
“It’s so big. I’ve only seen pictures of it or on TV.”
“Do you want to see it up close?”
“Can we?” Her grey eyes widen in wonder.
“You bet. I have a surprise.”
We continue walking past all the boats and yachts until we end up at my
own. The second, well now third, love of my life. I’m holding Charlotte’s
hand as Alannah trails slowly behind us.
“You bought the boat?” Alannah exclaims with eyes and mouth wide.
“I bought the boat.”
 When we were dating I hired this exact small yacht for a day out on
more than one occasion. When the opportunity to purchase it presented
itself to me, I jumped at the chance. I’ve always loved the sea and the
freedom of being out on the water. I point out the Belle of the Sea, to
Charlotte, telling her it’s mine and that we can go on board.
“The boat has a girl’s name?” She scrunches her cute little nose up at
me.
“It does. We can change the name if you don’t like it.” She takes a
moment to consider it.
“No, Belle’s a princess, it can stay.”
“Let’s go then, Belle’s waiting.”
We take three steps and she stops walking, afraid to get on.
I kneel down in front of her. “What’s wrong pumpkin?”
“What if we crash and sink?” Her eyes large and round.
“Daddy will be right here to protect you. Don’t be scared, besides the
boat is very strong and we’re not going to sink. I can guarantee it.”
“But there’s sharks in the water.”
“I promise to keep them all far away from you. I can be very scary, the
sharks won’t come near us but we may see a dolphin.”
She looks back at her mother for reassurance then reaches her arms up
to me, wanting to be carried. Stepping on board I grab and put a child’s life
jacket on Charlie then take our places at the helm. She loves it. I sit her on
my lap and let her be captain and steer the boat, we pretend to be pirates
looking for treasure. Her childish laugh the best sound I have ever heard. As
we glide under the bridge, she lets out a low “wow”, her small neck craning
back so much I’m afraid she’s going to pull a muscle.
After being out for an hour my eyes travel to Alannah. She’s been quiet,
standing at the railing, with shoulders sagged looking out at the water. This
boat holds lots of memories for us, one of them being when we had taken it
out for a long weekend and anchored away from the world. We were in the
water enjoying a swim. I was holding her up in my arms, her legs around
my waist when I asked her to marry me. It wasn’t planned, hell I didn’t
even have a ring but I went with what I was feeling that day.
“You are so damn beautiful.” I nuzzle her neck. “You make me feel alive
and happy and are everything I never thought I wanted or would have. I
love you, Lana.”
“I love you too, Nicholas.”
 “Marry me?” She moves backwards looking stunned.
“What?”
“Marry me.”
“Why?” I was not expecting to be asked that question however I admit
this may seem sudden to her.
“Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, feeling exactly as
I do in this moment”. Her eyes run across my face as a tear slips down her
cheek before smiling.
“Okay, yes.” She nods.
“Yes?”
“Yes, yes, yes!”
I attack her mouth with my own and allow us to fall under the water.
Perhaps I had some ulterior motives for bringing us out here today. I
want her to remember how good things were between us before I screwed
up, remember that day and the love we had, which is still there, I know it is.
I can only hope it works in my favour.

We pull up in my parent’s driveway and sit there looking out the

windscreen at the house. Charlie fell asleep in her seat but is beginning to
stir now that we’ve stopped. I can see the nerves on Alannah’s face and how
tightly she’s holding herself together. Her hands are clenched and she’s
frowning.
“Don’t be so worried, you’ve seen and spoken to everyone already. It
will be fine.”
“I wish I could believe you. I’m still waiting for someone to tell me how
horrible and wrong I was.”
“What happened, happened. There’s no use dwelling on it, it won’t
change the past and throwing blame around won’t help anyone either. Let’s
just concentrate on today and tomorrow.”
“You’re right. It’s just lunch and we’re going home tonight.” My mood
plummets on hearing those words.
I climb out of the car while Alannah gets Charlie.
 “Come on sweetie, your grandparents and Aunt Mel and waiting for
you.”
We walk through the house and kitchen to the back patio where we find
everyone. It’s a sunny day and perfect to be outdoors. My mother is the first
to stand and walk over to us.
My parents, sister and someone I wasn’t expecting to see are all seated
around the large glass table.
“Welcome you two. Come take a seat. Nick, look who’s here.”
My friend Flynn turns to face me. His green eyes narrow and scrutinise
me before moving to the woman at my side. We haven’t been in the same
room together for years. His daughter and wife are seated beside him. “I ran
into him yesterday and told him he had to join us today, no excuses. It’s
been too long since we all caught up and it would be lovely for Charlotte to
have someone to pay with.” I can’t be angry with my mother, she’s only
trying to do what’s best by everyone.
Flynn steps over and we share an awkward handshake followed by even
more awkward hellos. Turning to Alannah next he hugs her like a long lost
friend.
“Flynn. It’s been so long.” She introduces him to Charlotte while he
calls his daughter over.
“This is Lizzie, she’s three. I thought you two could become friends and
play together today.”
Charlotte clings to Alannah, shy with every pair of eyes on her saying
hello. I stay standing close by to observe how they’re all interacting with
Alannah and Charlotte. I don’t want her being made to feel uncomfortable
otherwise I may never get her to fly out here again.
A few minutes later Charlotte and Lizzie have run off together to play
on the swings my parents have set up as if he they have been friends for
years. I follow a few steps behind to keep an eye on them leaving the adults
to their conversation.
My dad eventually fires up the grill for our BBQ lunch which I help him
with in order to keep out of the way. I would rather the attention not be on
me. Everybody is being overly polite that it’s not normal, like they’re afraid
to say the wrong thing. Besides that, I think it’s going well even if a little
awkward with a few moments of silence around the table as we eat. Thank
God for the kids keeping everyone entertained.
 I pick up on the not so happy looks coming my way from Flynn
throughout our meal. It’s difficult not to. I know I’ve been a shitty friend as
well as son, brother, and fiancé.
After lunch my dad, Flynn and I play chase with the girls while my
mother and sister clean up. I’m not concentrating on Lizzie and she comes
charging for me, pushing me with her little hands on my legs from behind
propelling me forward onto my hands and knees in the dirt. The girls are in
hysterics and I see her run back on her little legs to her father giving him a
high five. Dickhead.
I go inside to use the bathroom and wash up only to run into Flynn in
the hallway on my way back out.
“Hey, Flynn, thanks for coming today, the girls are having fun playing
together.”
“Whatever.” He scoffs “I didn’t do it for you I did it for your mother
and for Alannah to have a friendly face around.”
“I get it, Flynn, you’re angry at me and you hate me, I haven’t been
around or there for you. But you used to spend more time here than at your
own house. Can we try to patch our friendship and move on? I want my
friend back.”
“It’s so simple and easy for you isn’t it. Whatever the great Nicholas
Moore wants, gets.” He has been giving me attitude all day and his anger
seems to have reached breaking point.
“Okay. Say what it is you want to say to me. Go ahead, don’t hold
back.” Maybe once he lets it all out he’ll feel better and I’ll feel like shit but
what else is new lately.
“You want to hear it all bro?” That last word dipped in sarcasm.
“Yes I do.” I cross my arms across my chest in anticipation.
“Fine. As your best friend I thought you would confide in me about why
you guys broke up and Alannah skipped town, yet you didn’t and that hurt.
I was left to wonder what you could have possibly done that was so bad for
her wanting to leave. All sorts of scenarios were running through my head
and none I could believe you capable of but the truth was much worse.
“Do you remember me coming to you about a month after? You were
drunk and refused to listen to me you even forbade me from ever
mentioning her to you ever again, you called her a whore. You even had the
nerve to ask me if I was who she was cheating on you with. Your sorry ass
doesn’t deserve her.”
 “I’m sorry, Flynn, I don’t know what else to say. I was wrong and
lashing out.” I truly do not recall that and yes I most likely was drunk.
“The day my own daughter was born and I held her in my arms, it was
love at first sight. You missed that with your own. I called to tell you
Kaylee gave birth. I was going to ask you to be her godfather but you were
in London and hung up on me. You pushed me and everyone away. You
gave up on years of friendship. That’s when I gave up.” He points his finger
at me. “I tried to talk to you but you are a selfish asshole and I don’t think
you can truly change. How long before you break either one of their hearts
again?”
“If I haven’t said it before I’m glad you were there for me, even if I was
too dumb and blind to see it. You were like the brother I never had. I’m
sorry.”
“Fuck you, Nick. Don’t give me your bullshit gratitude.”
“Why do you assume it’s bullshit?”
“Because you really don’t give a shit. Forget the situation with Alannah
for a moment. I asked you to be best man at my wedding, yet you could
barely stay through the reception before taking off after your speech. I’m
sorry you fucked up your life but that was the happiest day of mine until
Lizzie came along. You couldn’t even stay to share it with me. You’ve
hardly spent any time with us. When was the last time you acted like a
brother?
“I tried being a brother to you but I could only do it for so long when
you showed you didn’t care either way. I hated the person you became.
What the hell happened to you? You didn’t see how many times your
mother would call and cry to me after getting off the phone with you
because you weren’t coming home. You think it was only Alannah you
hurt? Take a look around at your family and tell me you haven’t hurt the
rest of us. Tell me what was so fucking important over in London that you
couldn’t come home for two years.”
“Flynn, I…” I had no idea he carried all this resentment around with
him. Everything he said is the truth. I hurt them all.
“Save it. They’re probably better off without you.” I’ve stood here and
let him vent and heard more than I anticipated. I guess I have more sins
than I’m aware of but now I’m angry. Does he really believe my family is
better off with me not in their lives?
“Are you finished?” I seethe.
 “Yeah, I’m done for now. You want to fix things? Your mother is
willing to forgive you your fuck ups so she can meet her granddaughter and
Alannah doesn’t have much choice in the matter. She’s a mother and putting
her child first, not that you would know anything about that. Today you
show up with them and everyone is playing happy families but it’s all an act
and you know it. ”
“So what do you want from me then, Flynn? I can’t do anything right. I
screwed up. I’m sorry I didn’t talk or listen to you, I’m sorry I destroyed so
many relationships, I’m sorry I’m such a shitty human, I’m sorry I did what
I did to Alannah, I’m sorry I missed the birth of my daughter. Are you so
fucking perfect?” He shoves me hard and my back slams into the wall
behind me. “You want to hit me? Will that make you feel better? Bring it.”
My father steps into the hallway and comes to stand between us.
“Stop this now.” He demands. “Your children are in there listening to
you arguing.”
Fuck!
I walk away leaving them behind. They were all outside when I came
in, now as I step into the family room everybody is seated there looking
anywhere but at me. A stony faced Alannah is holding a crying Charlotte on
her lap. She must have fallen and scrapped her knee which is lightly
bleeding. After placing a band aid on Charlie she stands up with her in her
arms avoiding eye contact.
“I want to leave please.”
CHAPTER 17
 N ICHOL A S

I walk out of my parent’s house following Alannah who’s still carrying

a sniffling Charlotte after the worse possible way this afternoon could
have gone. She straps her in her car seat then drops into the front of
the car. I get in the back to reassure Charlie.
“I’m sorry if daddy’s yelling scared you. Uncle Flynn and I were very
silly to argue like that. It won’t happen again. Okay?”
Her tear filled eyes hit me right in the gut as she nods her head in
answer. I kiss her sweet cheek before moving to my seat behind the steering
wheel waiting for Alannah to tell me where she wants me to take her.
Fucking Flynn. I’m tempted to bash the wheel but don’t want to make
matters worse.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” She quietly asks.
“Sure.” I think about where to take us. I was so certain she would want
to go back to the hotel to pack. “There’s a quiet café nearby or I can take
you back to the hotel if you prefer.”
“The cafe will be fine.”
Fifteen minutes later Alannah and I are seated at a table with Charlotte
not too far away from us in the kid’s corner where she sat down to colour
in. I have a cup of coffee in front of me while Alannah nurses a mug of hot
tea. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her drink any coffee since I barged
back into her life, but that’s a question for another time.
I wait for her to start talking afraid of saying the wrong thing.
“I didn’t realise how bad things were. I suppose I was a bit naive to
think it would be so simple. I want you to fix your relationship with Flynn,
the two of you used to be so close and I’m sorry if I caused that.” I reach
across the table and cover her hand with mine causing her to look at me.
“Stop. None of that was your fault so please don’t blame yourself. Some
of what he said was true and yes, I haven’t been a particularly great friend
but that’s not your fault. It’s on me.”
“I should have stayed. No matter what the outcome would have been. I
feel so guilty. I never considered how tough this was for them. We’ve put
them in this situation.” She’s right. We have. I lift my hand off hers and
pick up my coffee to take a sip.
“What should we do then? How do you see us moving forward from
here?”
“Last night Charlie was asking questions, such as now that we’ve come
to Sydney, if we are going to be a real family, and I had no clear answer.
Today out on the boat it brought up both good and bad memories. You
probably don’t remember but the last time we went out on it I got sick, we
thought it was the rough waves or something I ate but I was probably
already pregnant that day.”
I sigh and turn my head towards Charlotte happily drawing away,
unaware of the turmoil running though me.
“Then at your parents’ house I felt like I was home with everyone there
having a great time like it used to be. I hated hearing Flynn say it was an
act. I have missed everyone, Nick, even you. Charlotte could have had so
many Sunday’s spent like that with her family. I want to give her more
weekends like this morning. While we there I realised how much she has
missed out on because of me. I was selfish too and stubborn.” Tears are
falling down her face. I have always hated seeing her cry. I lean over and
wipe one away. I don’t dare get my hopes up too much.
“Don’t cry, Alannah. Tell me what you want.”
“Maybe we can try being friends and see how it goes. No pressure
please, for anything more. If we are to have any chance in the future then
we need to do this. We both need to repair the damage we caused to your
family and keep putting Charlie first. I also think that going to a counselling
session together might be beneficial.” I don’t greatly believe in shrinks, but
if this is what she wants and what it will take then I’ll do it.
“Okay, fine. We’ll do all of that.”
“Great, thank you.”
“What about the Henry fucker, are you still going to be seeing him?”
 “Nicholas!” she admonishes me.
“What? I’m sorry but that’s how I feel. So are you?”
“I don’t think it would be fair to go out on anymore dates with him but I
can’t avoid him. He’s still my friend and his son is Charlotte’s friend and
I’m going to see them around. You can’t stop me doing that just because
you don’t like the fact I had something with him for a while.”
I can’t really argue the point. She was a single woman. She could have
done whatever she wanted. I can only be grateful she didn’t fall in love with
someone else. This is a win for me so I’ll take it.
“I understand.”
“It’s going to take a lot for me to let go of the past and trust you again.
In the meantime we co-parent the best we can and make sure Charlotte is
happy. After what happened today I don’t know if I can come back to
Sydney to visit again anytime soon but I don’t blame you if that’s what
you’re worried about. Flynn had every right to tell you his feelings but not
like that and not there and then.”
“Yeah, he can be an ass. I’ll talk to him.”
We fall into silence and watch our daughter playing. I clear my throat
which gets her attention.
“I did a lot of thinking last night after I left you at the hotel. I know I
ended it badly but if I knew you were in trouble I would have been there for
you. I still cared about you. Those feeling don’t just turn off. I wish I had
known you were in the hospital, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today.
I missed you more than you can imagine, Lana. I spent a lot of time
drinking. I drank to pass out so I didn’t have to dream about you. I regret
wasting so much time.”
“We have both made mistakes.”
“We have, but I’m glad we talked.”
“Me too.” She gives me a small smile.
That evening I drive them to the airport to board the plane back home. I
hate the fact they’re leaving but if anything, I think we have made some real
progress this weekend. I have a path to follow which will hopefully get
them back here permanently sooner rather than later.
Upon seeing the plane Charlotte starts to fuss, not wanting to get on it
and giving Alannah a hard time.
“Why can’t we stay longer?” She cries to her mother. I feel you kid. I
squat down in front of her and place my hands on her arms.
 “Hey, you know what? Can you do me a big favour?”
“What?” She hiccups.
“You’re my big girl aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Her bottom lip wobbles.
“Well I need my big girl to look after mummy, to make sure that she’s
safe on the plane and that the boogie man stays away from your house until
the next time I come visit. Can you do that for me?”
“Okay.” She giggles. “But the boogie man isn’t real.”
“He’s not? Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Bye princess. I’ll see you soon.” I hold her tight and kiss her head
before handing her over to Alannah.
“Bye, daddy.”
“Bye, Nick. Thank you for everything this weekend.”
I watch them take the steps up and the doors close behind them.
Alone again.
CHAPTER 18
 A L A N NA H

5 Months Later

T hese past few months have passed by so fast. A lot has been
happening. Nick has flown down here twice a month to see
Charlotte. Their relationship has become what I always wished
for her to have with her father. They even share inside jokes which I don’t
get at all but they find hilarious.
The weekend after I returned from Sydney I asked Henry to meet me for
lunch so we could talk. Before I had the chance to speak he said the words
for me. He knew this thing between us was over. He could see the struggle
on my face.
“It’s fine, don’t feel bad. I know I never truly had your heart, Alannah
but I tried to be there for you and be what you wanted. As soon as Moore
came back into your life there really was no question of what would happen.
I could feel the connection between you guys and I only met him for a
minute. Charlotte deserves to have her father in her life and you deserve to
be happy. If that’s with him then there’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t
know what happened between the two of you in the past but I hope he
doesn’t hurt you again.”
“I’m sorry, Henry. We had fun together but I need time to myself and to
see if this thing with Nick can go anywhere. We’re still friends aren’t we?”
“Absolutely, we’ve always been friends.” His face is telling me a
different story. Have I read him wrong this whole time? Have his feelings
run deeper?
 “I know there is someone perfect out there for you, you’re a great guy.”
“I’ll see you around, Alannah.”
With that he got up and left the table. I felt like shit but I didn’t want to
lie to him or myself.
My own relationship with Nick is another story. He stays for an hour
after we’ve put Charlotte to bed the times he has come to see her in order to
spend time alone with me and just talk. We talk about work and what he’s
doing with the property he bought out here, about books and movies and
how much I miss the design world. It made me realise how much I missed
talking to him. We used to spend hours chatting about nothing at all.
Being friends is all well and good but I don’t think that’s enough for me
anymore. I’m not saying I’m ready to open my heart to him again but
maybe I can give him a chance. He’s proven himself more than I expected. I
admit it’s becoming harder to resist him when he gives me one of his panty
dropping smiles as I like to call them. Old feelings are resurfacing. We’ve
both been putting Charlotte first but it’s time I think about myself. Why
hasn’t he made a move? Is it because I told him no pressure? Is he waiting
for me to do or say something? To make the first move? He has given me
all the time and space I could want but I’m ready for that chance, I want to
try but at the same time it terrifies me. What if it backfires, what if he’s
changed his mind?
A couple of months ago we attended a counselling session together
while he was here with a relationship counsellor I chose. It didn’t go so
well. What if the things I said that day has him second guessing that a
relationship between us will work?
Nicholas and I are sitting next to each other on a leather brown couch
in the therapist’s office. His knee bouncing up and down is irritating me.
“Stop it.” I whisper over to him.
In front of us sits an older lady in her mid-fifties with greying blonde
hair. I liked Dr Tyler instantly when I spoke to her over the phone, she has
been doing this for a long time so I hope we get something useful out of
today.
“So Alannah has told me a little bit about your history and that you
wish to be able to co-parent your daughter and get along better without
more issues popping up and anger getting in the way. I would like to know
what your ultimate goal is, what outcome you wish to achieve at the end of
all this.”
 Nick answers her immediately.
“I want my family back.”
“Alannah?” She turns her attention to me. I on the other hand don’t
have an answer.
“I…I don’t know yet what it is I want.”
“That is quite alright, there are no time limits on when decisions about
your future need to be made. Nicholas, why were you so quick to judge and
condemn Alannah when she told you she was pregnant? Why did you not
give her an opportunity to tell her side? There was always that chance that
she was telling the truth.” I watch him rubs his palms on his jeans before he
answers.
“Because it happened to me once before. I was dating a girl during my
first year of university, it was never anything serious but she cheated on me.
I ran into her a few months later after we broke up and she was pregnant.
When Alannah told me she was pregnant that day I felt like an idiot that it
happened to me again, but I truly believed it wasn’t mine. She knows how
sorry I am about it all and how much I regret everything.” I turn my body to
face his.
“Are you kidding me? So what? Was I paying for someone else’s crimes
too?” I am so mad with him. I have the urge to throw something at his head
but the only thing around are cushions and that won’t be satisfying enough.
“Of course not. But you want me to be honest and that’s where my mind
went that day.”
“Alannah, what is it that hurt you the most?”
“You means besides being called a whore, a cheater and a liar and
being kicked out of my home? He kept important information from me. He
made me feel like a fool, as if I had no idea who I had fallen in love with,
who I was prepared to share my life with. He says he wants to try again and
have us be a family but I keep thinking, what if he continues to hide things
from me.”
“You don’t trust me.” He states.
“No. Have you given me a reason to?”
“What have I been doing all this time flying back and forth? Do you
think I enjoy spending all those hours on a plane? But I do it for Charlotte
and for you. Am I wasting my time? You keep going back and forth. I love
Charlotte and I’m making up for lost time but I can just as easily get her to
come to me if that’s all it was.”
 We start bickering, getting louder, throwing insults at each other,
dragging up things that happened so long ago just to hurt the other. I think
all the frustration has been unleashed in this small office space and neither
one of us is holding back until we’re interrupted.
“Okay, I think we should take a minute to calm down. At this point, I
suggest putting all your energy into your daughter as you have been doing.
Give her a stable and consistent environment. All this anger will eat you up
if you don’t let it go. You will not achieve what you want if you’re both
harbouring all these thoughts and feelings about the other. You loved each
other once and have a beautiful little girl, think about her for a moment,
picture her in your mind. Now, this is what I suggest.”
We only went back for one more session which went a lot better. I took
on board everything she told us. I let the anger go. It was always just
beneath the surface simmering away whenever Nick was around and that
wasn’t fair to him. This is the only way there can be no more pain and hurt
surrounding us.

It’s Charlotte’s birthday party today. I can’t believe how much she has
grown. It only feels like yesterday I was bringing her home from the
hospital and changing her diapers and now she’s five.
Nick stopped by last night to drop off her gift which she absolutely went
nuts over. He gave her a red bicycle with white wicker baskets, both in the
front and back and colourful streamers hanging off the handles. She rode it
around ringing that bell for an hour before getting tired.
I’ve been a nervous wreck since my parents and step-father arrived this
morning to help me set up and prepare the food. Nick suggested getting
everything catered, not wanting me to have to spend hours in the kitchen
cooking, but I told him no, that this is all part of the fun of giving your child
a party. I’m expecting him any minute now with the rest of his family.
Please God, let today go smoothly.
There’s a knock at the door while I’m preparing the salad and call out to
enter, knowing it will be Nick and his family. One by one they file in to the
kitchen greeting me and Charlotte, handing her presents galore. Flynn and
his family are with them, his wife is pregnant and rushes to the bathroom as
soon as she enters. I’m glad Nick and Flynn talked and worked things out
for the sake of their long friendship. Everyone has a smile on their face.
They’re genuinely happy to be here. They all made the trip to celebrate my
daughter’s birthday. Her very first with all her family members present. All
this was only made possible because of Nick. I don’t think I’m able to
describe with words how much it means to me that he made today happen. I
need to get back to being busy before I begin crying.
“Charlie, put your presents on your bed then came back out.” With
Melissa’s help she carries all the brightly wrapped packages to be placed in
her bedroom until later.
“Do you need any help?” Nick offers.
I shake my head telling him it’s all good and to take his parents out to
the yard where mine are waiting. I pray their seeing each other again goes
well and nobody says something to start an argument. My stomach is in
enough knots. The last thing I want is drama today.
At half past twelve my boss with his family and about half a dozen of
Charlotte’s friends from day care along with their parents show up
including Henry and his son. If Nick has an issue with him being here, he’s
just going to have to get over it. Henry actually met someone about a month
ago and asked if he could bring her along today. Her car had broken down
and she went into his pharmacy to ask for help, and he was more than
willing to help her out. He was so smitten with the way he was talking
about her. I’m happy for him and it makes being around him that little bit
less weird.
The very last guest to arrive is Rachael. I give my best friend a big hug.
I’ve missed her so much. Talking over the phone just isn’t the same. I tried
to argue with her that it wasn’t necessary for her to fly across the country
for this but she insisted. They’re flying from here to Bali for a baby moon
on Monday, so she said it was killing two birds with one stone and that
nothing was going to keep her away today.
“Holy shit, Rachael you’ve popped out.” I comment on her stomach.
“Ugh, I know. I feel like a cow already. How are things with you?” She
raises an eyebrow in silent question. The last conversation we had a week
ago was about the state of play between Nick and I.
“Good. I mean the same as the last time we spoke.”
 “What are you waiting for? Tell him today.”
“I can’t. I-” We’re interrupted by my mother and Mary coming in to the
kitchen laughing. So I take it the reunion is going well then.
“Okay, darling what do you need us to do?” My mother asks placing an
arm around me.
Two hours later my backyard is a sea of pink and purple balloons with
kids running around on a sugar high. It’s a perfect November, spring day,
Mother Nature playing along with the weather for us. I hired an entertainer
who came dressed up as a fairy. She’s been great, face painting the kids,
giving them balloon animals and dancing around. Charlotte is having a blast
which is the most important thing.
I walk into the kitchen to grab some more napkins and the fruit platters
to find my parents in a hushed and heated conversation.
“What’s going on?” I ask, making them both look my way. My mother
seems upset whereas Dad looks annoyed. They stop talking and now look
guilty at being caught out, plus they are not answering my question. I’m
definitely going to need an answer out of them and the sooner the better.
“Okay. So what are you arguing about?”
“Nicholas.” My dad tells me not beating around the bush.
“Oh my God, this again? Dad I explained my reasoning to you, you told
me you understood. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Besides how he treated you? He’s not a good person, Alannah.”
“Really, Dad? How can you say that? He has made such an effort and
put in hours of time to be here and build his relationship with Charlotte. She
loves him and I have no doubt that he loves her just as much. He made a
mistake which he’s paid for and is fixing. What is your problem?”
“Are you so ready to forgive him yourself? You don’t know him like
you think you do. Do you know everything he’s been up to in the time you
were apart?”
Well no, but we have made progress and I hope that as more time passes
he’ll continue to open up to me as I am trying to do with him and he will fill
me in on that time.
“You obviously know something. Why don’t you just tell me then?”
“It’s not my place,” he says. I shake my head at him in frustration. Not
his place? He’s kidding right?
“You are unbelievable. You know some horrible secret about my
daughter’s father and refuse to tell me. Thanks.”
 “Dennis, she should know.” My mother jumps in. “Tell her what you
told me.”
He looks down in contemplation with his hands on his hips. I know
when he’s made his decision because he looks at me with regret in his eyes,
which tells me he’s about to hurt me with his next words.
“All I’m going to say is ask him about the girl whose abortion he paid
for.”
“What? What are you talking about? How would you even know that?”
“Her father is an old buddy of mine. We were out one night when he got
drunk, he was upset after finding paperwork and learning his daughter
terminated a pregnancy with your exes name on the documents. Like any
father would, he assumed he was responsible for the pregnancy. Why else
pay for it?”
No. That can’t be true. Who? When? I feel like the walls are closing in
on me. I need to escape. My chest constricts and I can’t breathe. I stand
there frozen.
My mother comes closer to where I’m standing however I rise my hand
up to stop her, not wanting her comfort right now.
It’s a lie. It has to be.
I run into my bedroom where I grab my bag and keys, running into
Rachael who is taking her daughter to the bathroom.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” She asks, it’s obvious I’m upset.
“Can you please keep an eye on Charlotte and the party for me for a few
minutes until I get back? I won’t be long.”
“Of course. What happened?”
I don’t answer. I get in my car and start driving away. I have no idea
where I’m going, only following the road in front of me. Is what my father
said true? Was Nick in a serious relationship or was it just some random girl
he also knocked up? Did he really get her to get rid of the baby? But he’s so
wonderful with Charlotte. I’m so confused and feel like all the progress
we’ve made has been for nothing if he’s been keeping such a big secret
from me.
I end up at the beach where I park my car, get out and walk down onto
the sand standing in front of the waves, following their journey back and
forth with my eyes. In the past I would find peace staring out at the ocean
but not today. Today I’m a jumble of emotions. I probably look ridiculous
standing there fully clothed surrounded by the other beachgoers. My mind
is shooting unwelcome thoughts in all different directions. Did I really just
leave my own daughter’s birthday party?
“Alannah.” Of course he followed me.
I hear his voice and turn to face him with my arms across my chest to
protect myself and my heart. He looks confused, wondering why I just ran
out on our daughter’s birthday party.
Some part of me knew he would show up, that if I stood in one place
long enough he would find me, like you’re taught to do when you’re lost as
a kid and waiting for your parents. Did I want him to come find me? But
they never taught us what to do if both of you are lost and you both end up
in the same place waiting. Because the truth is I feel stuck. I can’t go back
but afraid to go forward too. We’re both waiting for something.
“Why did you run off? Rachael came to tell me you were upset.”
“Is there something you haven’t told me?”
“Like what?”
“You tell me.”
“Do you want to narrow it down for me?”
“Did you pay for someone to have an abortion? Did you get another girl
pregnant as well and force her to get rid of it?”
He looks over my shoulder towards the water before staring into my
eyes with his own angry ones.
“Who told you that? And no, I fucking did not. I mean it wasn’t mine.”
“My father did. Explain yourself.” I demand, shoving a finger in his
chest. His shoulders sag. He suddenly appears as if he’s carrying the weight
of the entire world on them.
“It was a long time ago. When you left, I bought out the company you
worked for, thinking that if you ever returned and wanted your old job back
that you would have to come and beg me for it. I wanted to have something
to hurt you with like I was hurting at the time. I know it was immature and
childish but I was angry. Anyway, the person they hired to replace you was
out on a job site late one evening setting up. She was alone and ended up
getting attacked. Security found her. She fell pregnant from that traumatic
night and didn’t want to keep the baby understandably. When I found out I
offered to pay her medical bills. I felt responsible as the owner for putting
her in that position to begin with. All I could think was, what if that had
been you. That’s all there was to it.”
 “Oh my God.” That’s awful. That could have easily been any one of my
old colleagues. That poor girl.
“I felt obligated to help her and in a way she reminded me a bit of you.
She was young and passionate about her job.” He takes a step closer to me.
“How does your father know about this anyway?”
“He’s friends with her father who found the paperwork from the
hospital. It had your name on it.”
“No wonder he hates me so much.”
“I’m such an idiot. I was so quick to accuse you, just like you did me. I
thought you were still keeping secrets from me.”
“Is that all there is to your running away?”
“What else could there be?” I don’t think I’m going to like what he says
next.
His eyes are pleading with me.
“I’ve done all you have asked of me. Are you still punishing me is that
it? I’ve been there for Charlotte, I’ve put her first and gotten to know her.
My family adores her, I’ve given you space, we’ve gone to counselling
sessions that you have insisted on, I hashed things out with my best friend
and family and we’re all in a good place again but I still feel this distance
you’re putting between us. You’re not even giving us a real chance.
Sometimes I think you’re going to tell me you want to try again and then
you pull back. I’m getting whiplash over here and you probably don’t even
realise you’re doing it. What more can I do?” He begs.
I don’t look at him. I close my eyes and shake my head as I cry. The
wind drying my tears before they have a real chance to fall. When I reopen
then again I look at him, and I mean really look at him and see a man who
is not whole, who is waiting for something the same as me. I can change
that. Do I want to change that? I do, but there are so many what ifs.
“I’m scared, Nick. I haven’t meant to give you mixed signals. If we fail
this time, then there’s no going back. I won’t put Charlotte through that. She
adores you and would be devastated to have us be a family only to have it
ripped away from her again.”
Before I know it, he has me in his arms in a tight hold, hugging me and
I let him. I wrap my own around his waist and take comfort in his strength
and allow myself a moment of weakness pretending everything is fine. I
have missed him and I do want to try again, I can finally admit it to myself
but I don’t know what to do to get us back on track.
 “We won’t fail, I won’t let us. I’ve learned my lesson and from my
mistakes. I’ve spent too long living without the both of you and I don’t
want to go back to that.” He whispers in my hair. “I want you.”
I remove my head off his chest to look into his stormy grey eyes.
“What do we do now?” I ask him.
He smiles as if he has been waiting for me to ask just that exact
question.
“I think I should take you on a first date again.”
“You do, huh?”
“Absolutely. So, Miss Stewart, will you have dinner with me next
weekend or the one after that?
“I would like that.”
We stand there for a few minutes holding onto each other. I’m afraid
that if I let go any chance of future happiness will disappear.
“I really, really want to kiss you.” Nick mumbles.
We were always so affectionate with each other. I can’t imagine how
difficult it has been for him to keep his word and act the gentleman.
“Then kiss me.”
His eyes widen before he pulls my body even closer to his, touching
from thigh to chest, his heat radiating into me, bringing his head lower to
mine his lips gently touch my own. The spark is there immediately, and I
need to catch my breath momentarily. As soon as his mouth makes full
contact with mine I’m lost, lost to the past, and my feelings for this man. It
starts out slow and questioning before becoming heated, our lips moving
against each other’s. I move my hands to his head where I run my fingers
through his hair, reacquainting myself with the softness and feel of it. My
breathing and heart rate increases and I need more, I need to feel closer to
him. I feel a tear slip out of the corner of my closed eyes. Nicholas deepens
it by running his tongue along my bottom lip asking for access which I
grant him, accepting the intrusion of his tongue in my mouth. He tastes
exactly as I remember. His scent invading me. I’m kissing Nicholas again.
In all the dreams I had of him over the years they never lived up to the
reality of what being in his arms and getting kissed by him actually feels
like. He ravishes my mouth with his lips and tongue, his teeth nipping my
lips along the way here and there before he moves to lower to my throat. I
let out a moan of pleasure while my legs are weakening and struggling to
keep me upright. “God, baby, I have dreamed of this for so long.” I hear
him murmur against my neck. Emotions I long since closed off and locked
away have come out in full force, every little memory and feeling has come
alive all because of this one kiss. He could destroy me so easily again but I
need to believe him when he says he won’t. I need to believe in us.
We’re so caught up in each other that neither one of us notices that the
tide has come in as a large wave crashes into our legs, the force of it
knocking us down. We’re soaking wet on our asses laughing.
“Even mother nature is on my side. That kiss certainly swept you off
your feet.” Nick gets out through his laughter.
“Oh my God, that is so corny.”
“Let’s get back, Charlotte will be wondering where we are and getting
impatient to blow the candles on her princess cake.”
He helps me up and we walk hand in hand back to my car where Wade
is parked beside me. He raises an eyebrow at the condition we’re in curious
to know how we ended up soaking wet.
“We’ll meet you back at the house.” Nick gets in the driver’s seat of my
car turning up the heat to help dry us off and keep the cold out on the drive
back.
We spot Rachael pacing the living room when we get back. “Thank
goodness, Charlie was starting to get upset. Why are you both wet?”
“I’ll explain later. Let’s cut this cake. Can you get it out for me while I
quickly change?”
Nick and I stand on either side of Charlotte as everyone sings happy
birthday to our daughter who is in her element lapping up the attention. I
glance at Nick over Charlotte’s head. He’s lovingly gazing at her as she
blows out her candles. Just maybe it will work out.
CHAPTER 19
 N ICHOL A S

T wo weeks have passed since Charlotte’s birthday. I am so ecstatic

that Alannah is giving us another chance and I’m going to do
everything in my power to not screw it up and make both of them
happy. However it was almost over before my second chance began.
The party had wound down; only our parents were left at the house
helping to clean up. I was fuming at Dennis’ interference, at him telling
Alannah about what happened to that poor girl and basically pointing the
finger at me so I politely asked to speak to him. We walked out to the front
of the house, away from the others so as to not be overheard. His hatred
makes so much more sense now as well as the things he said me over that
long ago phone call.
In no uncertain terms I told him that I didn’t appreciate him trying to
cause problems where there were none. Alannah is a grown woman and can
make her own decisions. I also let him know that my daughter’s birthday
party was not the appropriate place to open his mouth and that he should
have come to me. I set him straight on a lot of things he assumed about me
and told him to butt out from now on. I don’t know what I was expecting
from him, he gave me nothing in return. I’m sure Alannah will have her
own conversation with him about this. He looked me up and down with his
hands on his hips, told me to tell his daughter he had to go, then left. As a
father I can understand him wanting to protect his daughter, but he doesn’t
need to worry about me hurting her again. Only time will prove that to him.
A couple of days after Charlotte’s birthday I received a Google alert on
my phone. I clicked on the link to a photo of Alannah and I holding each
other on the beach. Some asshole must have recognised me and snapped it.
I’m grateful it was just the two of us and not on a day where Charlie was
with us. That would have been a shit storm. The caption read ‘Sydney’s
Bachelor Seen Embracing Ex’. At least our location wasn’t given away, so
thank goodness for small mercies. I had to inform Alannah about it, in case
any journalists or photographers came lurking her way. She expected
something to come out eventually about the two of us but not so soon, her
goal is to keep Charlotte, for lack of a better word, hidden for as long as
possible which I totally agree with.
Next weekend can’t come soon enough so I can take Alannah out on an
official date. I’m having so much trouble organising it. I’m so nervous, I
need it to be both fun and special, something to show her how serious I am
on working things out. My sister has been no help with any ideas so I may
have to call my mother for some suggestions, but that will certainly be a last
resort. Before I left, Alannah’s parting words brought me down from the
high I was experiencing that day. “Don’t make me regret this, Nicholas. You
only get this one chance.” This is why I need it to be perfect and do
everything I can to not give her second thoughts or any doubts about a
future together.
I’m seated behind my desk at work. It’s still very early in the morning,
the building is practically empty except for a few employees and security. I
need to finish going over some new contracts and designs before my
meeting later today to give my decisions and approval on them. It’s far too
quiet at home, the apartment is empty and dull. Every time I close my eyes
to sleep I picture Alannah and Charlotte and wonder what they’re doing, so
I spend more time than is healthy at the office.
My phone ringing pulls me away from the electrical plans of a building
I was perusing. Picking it up I see Alannah’s name on the screen.
“Lana?” I cheerfully answer.
“Daddy!” As soon as I hear her tiny distressed voice my entire body is
on alert.
“Charlotte, what’s wrong sweetheart?” She’s crying and I can hardly
understand her. “Slow down princess, what’s the matter, where’s mummy?”
I hear her staggered breathing as she attempts to explain it to me.
“Mummy fell down in the kitchen and she won’t get up. Daddy I’m
scared.” Fuck, Alannah! What the hell has happened? Has she just fainted
or is it something else. Now I’m afraid too.
 “Okay, don’t be scared, you’re my brave girl. Where’s Nana, did you try
calling her?”
“Grandma’s not here she went away for a holiday. Daddy…” She
continues to sob over the phone. I’m freaking out and so far away. FUCK!
What do I do? This is why I should be there or better yet they should be
here, at home where they belong. Who the hell do I know out there?
Alannah’s boss. Charlotte knows him. I’ll have to call him, I have no other
choice.
“Listen to daddy, can you see mummy’s chest moving up and down?” I
hear a whole heap of shuffling before she comes back.
“Yes.” I let out the breath I didn’t realise I was holding.
“I’m going to call an ambulance so the doctors can come and take
mummy to the hospital to help her. You know mummy’s boss Mr John?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I’m going to call him as well to come over to the house to get
you and take you to his house with his girls and then the hospital to be with
mummy. He’ll take care of you until I get there. I’m on my way sweetheart.
I’ll be there as soon as I can. Is mummy bleeding anywhere?”
“No, she’s just not moving. What if she doesn’t wake up?”
“She’ll wake up, don’t you worry about that, Mummy is strong and
would never leave you. Can you sing me a song while we wait for the
ambulance? Please. I want to hear your beautiful voice, sing me your
favourite song at the moment.”
I pick up my landline while I have Charlie on the mobile calling an
ambulance to go over to their house. I give them the address and as much
detail as I can about Alannah and tell them that my five year old daughter is
there alone with her. Next I call her boss.
“Hello?”
“Mr O’Donnell, this is Nicholas Moore.”
“Mr Moore. This is a surprise, what can I do for you?”
“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time to explain but I need you to go over to
Alannah’s house. Something’s happened and Charlotte called me all in a
panic. She said Alannah has fallen in the kitchen and I think she’s
unconscious, I’ve called an ambulance but she’s alone and afraid. She
knows you, can you please go over there and take care of her until I arrive.”
“Of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But if you don’t mind me
asking, why exactly did Charlotte call you?” I take a deep breath and tell
him the truth.
“I’m Charlotte’s father. It’s a long story but there you have it.”
“I see. Well then, Mr Moore, we’ll be waiting for you. Don’t worry, I’ll
look after her.”
“Thank you.”
I hang up and get back to Charlotte singing along with her as I run out
of my office to Wade who is sitting in the security room. He sees me in a
panic and stands up, I gesture for him to follow me which he does without
question.
“Charlotte I’m on my way, I’m going to go get on a plane right now and
I will be there before you know it. Mr O’Donnell is on his way so open the
door for him when he gets there okay.”
“Okay, Daddy. Please hurry.”
“I love you, Charlotte, so much, everything is going to be just fine. I
need to hang up now so I can go get on the plane.”
“Okay, Daddy.” She hiccups. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I feel like punching
something.
“Get to the airport as fast as you can, Wade I don’t care how many
cameras catch us speeding.” I explain the situation to him and he begins
weaving in and out of traffic as quick as he can safely manage.
There is no way I can get the company plane ready to leave in a matter
of minutes so my best bet will be a commercial flight. I only hope there’s
one leaving soon.
I jump out of the car and run through the airport to the counter. Luck is
on my side with a flight due to leave in forty minutes time. I beg them to let
me on, I have no luggage and it won’t delay the flight. They can see the
worry and panic on my face and kindly give me the ticket telling me to
hurry to the gate. I’m recognisable to most people in the city and pose no
security risk.
The entire flight over all I can picture is Alannah lying on the kitchen
floor and Charlotte crying over her, not knowing what’s going on or what to
do. What caused her to collapse? All I have are questions. The only thing I
know for certain is that they belong with me. I’m bringing them home
somehow after this.
Landing in Perth I grab the first taxi I see and rush over to the hospital. I
call O’Donnell to find out which hospital she was taken to and to let him
know I’ve landed and am on my way there.
 I run inside and spy O’Donnell and Charlotte seated in a couple of those
uncomfortable blue plastic seats along the wall.
“DADDY!” She shouts when she sees me and runs full force into my
arms.
I gather her up to me, tightly holding onto her, my heart beginning to
calm down now that I’m here and she’s in my arms. Her little body is
wracked with sobs as she cries into my shoulder.
“I’m here baby girl, I’m here. Let’s go find mummy.” I whisper in her
ear while rubbing her back.
I walk up to John and shake his hand.
“Thank you. I don’t know how I can repay you for helping me out.”
“Don’t mention it, there’s no need. I’m glad you called me. We’ve just
had some lunch so she shouldn’t be hungry. My wife and our girls did their
best to try and distract her for a while. She’s been upset but very brave.” I
nod at him in understanding.
“Where’s Alannah?”
He directs me to the floor she’s on and Charlie and I take the elevator up
and to the nurse’s station asking about her. I’m given her room number and
speed walk over. I need to see her with my own eyes. I need to know she’s
okay. I step into her room. She’s asleep or at least I think she’s asleep. I
walk closer to her bed. She’s laying on her right side looking so pale with a
drip attached to her arm. I take her hand in mine feeling its warmth.
“See, Charlie. Mummy is fine just sleeping.” I don’t know which of the
two of us I’m trying to reassure more.
I feel Charlotte grow heavy on me meaning she has fallen asleep. Poor
thing must have crashed from all the stress and fear of the situation. I make
my way over to the small couch in the room and lay her down covering her
with a blanket. I kiss the brown curls on her head and go back over to
Alannah’s side, sitting on the chair beside her bed I take her hand again and
cry, letting out all the emotions of the past few hours. I had no idea what I
was going to find when I got here.
Damn it Alannah.
I hear a doctor walk in so I quickly wipe my face and stand up.
“How is she? What’s wrong with her?” I begin questioning him.
“She’s going to be fine. It’s a bout of pneumonia. She just needs
antibiotics and bed rest. I imagine she was pushing herself too much which
caused her to get very weak and faint. I’d like to keep her here for a couple
of days before releasing her to go home. For now let her sleep until she
wakes.”
Pneumonia? I didn’t even know she was that sick. Why didn’t she
mention anything? She told me it was just a slight cough and cold from
getting wet on the beach that day.
“Thank you, doctor.” He checks her chart and monitors before leaving.
Looking at her still form in the bed it could have been so much worse
and she’d never know how I truly feel so I start speaking, needing to let it
all out, I’ve been holding onto it for far too long.
“I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m sorry, Alannah. More than you
will ever know, but I need to tell you something. I promise to have this
conversation again with you when you’re awake but I can’t hold it in
anymore. I haven’t been able to find a good time to tell you this and I’ve
been afraid to open up. You may have thought I didn’t care or think about
you all these years but I did. The truth is you were the only thing that kept
me going.
“The biggest mistake and regret of my life was losing you and in turn
Charlotte. I have wished a hundred times to be able to go back to that
moment and do it differently. I love you, Alannah. I love our daughter more
than I imagined it was possible to love another person.
“I would have been here a long time ago if it wasn’t for my accident.
You wanted to know why it took me so long to come to you. I was hit by a
fucking truck of all things.
“It’s was two years ago now but, I wanted to come to you sooner and I
tried. The day I found out that my vasectomy had reversed itself and
realised my colossal fuck up when it came to you I was devastated. I was
going to find you and beg for your forgiveness but then I had an emergency
at the London office. I tried everything to get out of not going but I had no
other choice. I was going to fly there, sort it out quickly and come straight
to you. After my last meeting I called your father. It didn’t go well as you
can imagine. I was upset and drinking, I wasn’t thinking clearly and rushed
out of the hotel building I was staying in. I wanted to get on a plane. I was
on my way to you and our daughter, I was going to find you and come to
you, but fate wasn’t on my side, I wasn’t watching where I was going and
got run over.
“I stayed in London to hide, recover and have treatment. I was too
proud to show any weakness to anybody. Only two people knew what
happened to me, Rick and Wade. Rick kept the company going, I helped
him whenever I could but I owe him so much that I could never fully repay
him. I had to have surgery and rehabilitation therapy. I was in a wheelchair
for a year. I didn’t know if I was ever going to walk again. I was scared,
Alannah but at the same time refused to let you or anyone see me in that
condition. I know I was foolish and selfish. Eventually I had to learn all
over again how to use my body. I paid a whole lot of money to keep it out
of the papers over there. My family don’t know, I’ve kept it hidden from
them as well, they just assumed I didn’t want to come home and deal with
everything.”
I place my head on the bed and close my eyes, gripping her hand even
tighter after kissing her knuckles.
“You and Charlotte mean the world to me. You’re not ever getting rid of
me. My life has been hell without you. You are my other half, my better
half.”
LONDON

I hate this waiting. Waiting to get home. Waiting to see and talk to Alannah.
Waiting to meet my child. I have felt on edge the entire time I’ve been in this
city. I am so ready to leave London behind. Would she be willing to listen to
me if I just called to talk to her on the phone and explain myself? Except, I
don’t have her number and no way to contact her.
I need to do something. This waiting is making me nuts. I need to start
on fixing things. We’ve lost so much time already because of my stupidity.
I’m so desperate that I call her father hoping he still has the same
phone number. If anyone knows where Alannah is it will be him. I’m not
holding my breath that he won’t just hang up on me but I need to try.
“Hello.” His gruff voice comes on the line.
“Is this Dennis Stewart?”
“Yeah, who’s this?” I inhale and exhale before making myself known.
“This is Nicholas Moore.”
“What he fuck do you want?” He shouts, automatically becoming irate.
“I need to speak to Alannah. You have every right to hate me but I was
hoping you could give me her phone number so I could contact her.” I’m
sweating like a nervous teenager.
“Haven’t you done enough? No way. I take it you make a habit out of
getting girls pregnant and abandoning them.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Dennis please, I need to speak
to her, it’s important, I need to tell her I was wrong.”
“There is no way in hell I’m helping you, stay away from my daughter.”
With that he hangs up on me.
Great!

I’ve spent the last hour drinking, staring at a blank wall in my hotel
room, running through every mistake I have ever made in my life. I have no
one. I now understand what it truly means to be alone. All this time I
thought that was what I wanted, to be left alone but it’s not.
 I can’t sit here anymore I need to get home. I’ll have one of my guys
track her down by the time I get back. I get up and start packing my bag
slightly swaying. I must have had more to drink than I realised. I notice the
ticket stub from the drycleaner across the road on my bedside. Shit I forgot
all about it. I need to go collect it, I still have time before they close. I could
have just as easily left it with the hotel to launder but I pay them enough
money as it is and I prefer to support small local businesses when I can.
I inform Wade we’re leaving and to get the pilot and plane ready as I
leave the hotel, the alcohol is really setting in now and blurring my vision.
I’m scrolling through my phone focused on the only photo I have kept of
Alannah on my screen. I’m coming baby.
I don’t pay attention to where I’m stepping until I hear the high pitched
sound of car horns blowing and the screech of tyres. I lift my head to see
headlights coming straight for me. I have no time to react or move out of
the way. The impact flings me at least ten metres away before I hit the
pavement.
I land with the sound of bones breaking in my ears and people
screaming.
“Mr Moore! NICHOLAS!”
Wade calling out my name is the last thing I hear before my world goes
black.

I wake up in the hospital. Everything is fuzzy. What the hell happened? I

try to sit myself up but can’t.
I attempt to look down at my body and notice the neck brace I have on
preventing me doing so. I start to panic because I can’t move. In fact I
cannot feel my legs at all. Oh my God I can’t move. No, no, no. This is not
happening to me. NO! I scream out for a doctor.
One finally enters my room with a clipboard, wearing an ugly green
coloured coat. He looks too young to even be a doctor.
“Mr Moore. Good to see you awake.”
“What’s wrong with me, why can’t I move?” I demand.
 “Do you remember being in an accident?” He asks while shining his
fucking little pen light in my eyes blinding me.
I think back to where I was before waking up here and recall the car
lights heading towards me.
“I think I was hit by a car.”
“Correct. You were brought in about three hours ago. Initial tests show
an injury and damage to your thoracic spinal cord which essentially means
the middle of the spine. We have you on a drip for the pain and you may
experience headaches. We need you to stay as still as possible which is why
you have the collar on your neck to minimise any more damage. In the
meantime we need to wait for the swelling to go down so we can perform
further scans and see what we’re dealing with, regardless though you will
require surgery to repair the damage to your spine.”
“I can’t feel my legs. Will I walk again?” That’s all I really want to
know.
He moves to stand at the edge of the bed, lifting the covers off my feet
then pushes a metal prong against them, touching the skin of my soles and
lower legs.
“Can you feel that?” I will myself to sense something but it’s no use.
“No, nothing.” I reply.
“It’s too early to make a call like that at this time but it’s not impossible.
We must take this day by day. I’m going to get a neurosurgeon to come in
and talk to you shortly.”

I’ve been in this hospital for a week so far and I’m climbing the walls. I
can’t take it. I refuse to speak to anyone except Wade and that turned into
an argument. He keeps bothering me, insisting he calls and informs my
family of what happened but I refuse to let him.
“This is my decision. I don’t need them here fussing. Do you understand
me, Wade? They are not to know. You work for me and follow my orders.”
I am so frustrated with the doctors, not that it’s their fault but I need
someone to take my anger out on. They are telling me nothing good or new,
only that these things take time and I’m lucky that it’s not worse. How the
fuck could it have been worse? I can’t fucking walk. I’m confined to a
fucking hospital bed.
I cannot even use the bathroom and need to have a bag attached to my
bladder. It’s humiliating.
Then there’s Alannah. I can’t go to her now. I’m stuck here. I’m so sorry,
Alannah.

Wade found me a place to live once I was finally discharged from the
hospital, and ensured I had the appropriate nurses on hand and a staff to
help me. All I do between my rehabilitation sessions is read emails which
Rick sends to keep me in the loop and attend the odd conference call.
Depression has set in, however I refuse to take any sort of medication for it.
I will not be that person who relies on drugs to make themselves feel better.
I push myself to get up and move when nobody is around with very little
success so far but there is hope.
I had to have two surgeries to my back to have metal rods placed in me.
Since I was allowed out of the hospital I attend physical rehabilitation three
times a week. A couple months ago I got a tingling sensation in my right
foot. I cannot describe the excitement I experienced in that moment. I know
it is only a small improvement and it’s slow going but it’s something and I’m
not giving up.
I’ve had my parents on my back about going home, saying they miss me.
Each call ends with me being a major prick and coming up with another
excuse as to why I need to stay here.
This will not beat me. No matter how long it takes, I’m getting my life
and girl back.
CHAPTER 20
 A L A N NA H

I open my heavy lidded eyes in the quiet hospital room to Nick’s head
on the bed near my hip, his mess of brown hair is sticking out in all
sorts of directions. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed about him,
that hair of his can never be tamed. My right hand is being held in his own.
He must have been holding onto it for a while because my palm is sweaty.
I wasn’t expecting to find him at my bedside but here he is.
I take my time to really observe him without fear of getting caught. I
look at his face which is a little older, he has a few more tiny wrinkles
around the eyes, his hair is still the same but I notice a few small grey hairs
around his temples, his chin and jaw are more angular than I remember
them being, which are currently covered by days’ worth of growth, he’s still
a gorgeous specimen to look at and after all this time he still wants me. I’m
having a hard time believing it myself but I’m willing to try again. If it
doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I don’t think I would survive it a
second time however I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering
what if.
You needed him and he’s here.
Knowing him, he probably dropped everything and jumped on a plane
to get here. He has done so much to prove to me he has changed and wants
this, wants us to be a family. As I stare at him a lump forms in my throat.
What would have happened if he hadn’t come back into my life? Who
would have Charlotte called? How long would I have been lying on the
kitchen floor?
 I heard him crying at my bedside and it tore me up inside. I wanted to
comfort him and take away his pain but sleep dragged me back down.
“Nick.” I call out with my hoarse voice and pull my hand out of his
grasp, running it through his hair gently to wake him up. I have to call his
name twice more before he opens his eyes and lifts his head. It takes him a
couple of seconds to become aware of his surroundings.
“You’re awake. How are you feeling?” He moves his body to the edge
of the bed and leans closer to kiss me first on my lips then on the forehead.
“My chest hurts but fine. What happened?” I ask then begin coughing.
He helps me lift the bed up so I’m upright and hands me some water.
“Charlotte called me crying after finding you passed out on the floor. I
called an ambulance to come to the house then your boss so she wouldn’t be
on her own with complete strangers, then I flew straight down here.
“Thank you. Where is she now?” I ask worried. He points over to the
couch across the room where our little girl is fast asleep. “Can you bring her
over to me please.” I need to have her in my arms. I watch as he walks over
then carefully lifts her up in his arms before gently laying our daughter right
next to me. I wrap one arm around her small body as I move her hair back
and off her little face. What must she have gone through for those few
hours? I’m so sorry baby girl. “I hate myself for scaring her like that.”
“She’s not the only one you scared. Don’t you ever scare me like that
again. Why didn’t you tell me how bad you were feeling? I should spank
you for hiding how sick you were. God, Alannah, that was the longest flight
of my life not knowing what the hell was happening to you and Charlotte.”
“I’m sorry.” I avoid looking at him and keep my eyes on Charlie. What
else can I say?
“What happened this morning?”
I cough once more and have a sip of my water before answering.
“I got up and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I started
having a really bad coughing fit, felt lightheaded and then passed out I
assume, I can’t really remember much after that until waking up briefly
here. Thank you for calling John. He made sure the doctors and nurses
knew to tell me he had Charlotte with him.”
“I think we should thank Charlotte for being such a smart little girl and
calling me. Anyway the doctor I spoke to earlier said you’ll need to stay
here for a couple of days.”
I groan and throw my head back onto the pillows.
 “Really?” I complain.
I hate nothing more than being in hospital. What am I going to do about
Charlotte? I’m about to try arguing for Nick to get me home sooner but he
shuts me down before I get the chance to say anything.
“Yes, Alannah, you’re staying here and following doctor’s orders. Don’t
worry because I’m staying. I’ll be at the house with Charlotte until you get
home and then as long as you need me to until you’re better.”
“No, Nick, I can’t ask you to do that. What about work, you can’t stay
away for so long.” I start coughing again.
“See, this is exactly why. You need help and your mother is away. I’m
not leaving the two of you on your own. I’m staying and that’s that.” I smile
at him in gratitude.
Who would have imagined Nicholas Moore playing nurse and
babysitter?
Charlotte wakes up and becomes upset upon remembering where she is
and why. I take her in my lap rubbing her back up and down to calm her,
reassuring her that I’m fine and there’s nothing to worry about.
“I heard you were such a brave girl. Daddy told me what you did.
You’re my special hero do you know that?”
“You sure are. Maybe we need to get you your own superhero cape.”
Nick jokes getting a giggle out of her. “It’s getting late so I’m going to take
Charlotte home. Rest up. We’ll be back in the morning. Come on, Charlie
say goodnight to mummy.”
She looks at me surprised, her eyes welling with tears again.
“Mummy aren’t you coming home?” She stares at me with her big, grey
sad eyes. She wraps her arms around my neck not letting go when Nick
tries to lift her up off the bed.
“Not tonight baby girl. I need to stay here so the medicine can work and
make me better. Be a good girl for daddy okay and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She eventually goes into her father’s arms laying her head on his
shoulder. I never thought I would ever see them together this way. They
have both taken to each other so easily and it’s all I could have hoped for
her, to be able to have her father and trust him and be with him if I was ever
not around for whatever reason.
“Do you need anything?” Nick asks.
“Some clothes and toiletries would help. Oh, and my book on the
bedside table please.”
 “You got it.” He winks.
I kiss Charlie one more time. Nick gives me a kiss goodbye on my
cheek then they start heading out.
“Nick!” I call out before he leaves. He turns around expectantly. “We…
I…” How do I start this? There’s so much I want to say but now is not the
right time or place. “Never mind. Good night.”
CHAPTER 21
 N ICHOL A S

I had a very restless night. I had trouble getting to sleep. I was also
keeping an ear out in case Charlie woke up in the middle of the night
plus trying to think through and plan what I’m going to do while
Alannah is ill and not here. I glance at my phone noting it’s only six thirty
in the morning.
After spending time with Alannah at the hospital I brought Charlotte
home, ordered food from the nearby Italian restaurant, gave her dinner and
a quick shower before snuggling up with her on the couch to watch a
movie. She was fast asleep before it was half way through. I myself spent
the night in Alannah’s bed, last night being the first time I’ve been in her
bedroom. I wasn’t all that surprised to find a large unicorn print hanging
over her bed, it made me smile at the sight of it. As I laid down her scent on
her pillows made old and enjoyable memories pop up and my dick stand to
attention, but the last thing I felt comfortable doing was jacking off in her
bed with Charlotte across the hall.
I catch up on my emails for the next half an hour. Afterwards I check on
Charlie who is only beginning to stir so I leave her until she’s ready to get
up and make my way into the kitchen to attempt to prepare breakfast for us.
First things first, coffee.
I open every cabinet door until I find the coffee, bowls, cups and
cutlery. I find a box of Rice Bubbles cereal and bread for toast so that will
have to do.
I’m pulling the milk out of the fridge when Charlotte drags herself in
wearing her yellow heart patterned pyjamas and carrying her favourite
teddy bear which she calls Dave, a grumpy, sleeping look on her small face.
Her hair is a mess sticking out everywhere. She must get that from me.
“Morning, baby girl. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah,” She shrugs. “Can I watch cartoons?” Maybe she’s not a
morning person.
“Okay but only for a few minutes then you need to have breakfast.” She
leaves the kitchen and I hear the television being turned on.
I make my coffee and sit at the table. I call Rick to explain what’s
happening and that I won’t be at the office for the rest of the week at least.
He’s as understanding as he can be considering I didn’t even tell him I was
leaving the office yesterday let alone the state. My next call is to my mother
to let her know that I’m back in Perth and why. I also ask her if there is
anything I should be doing to help Alannah recover quicker. She tells me
besides her taking her antibiotics all I can do is ensure she rests and stays
hydrated and that it can take one to three weeks to fully recover. Lastly I
find the nearest clothing store and place an order for clothes to be collected
since I brought nothing with me.
I pour Charlie’s cereal and milk in her red plastic bowl, place it on the
table and call her in to come eat. She takes a seat at the table, looks at her
breakfast, pouts and crosses her arms.
“What’s wrong?” I enquire.
“I don’t want this.”
“Well I’m sorry but this is what you’re having.”
“I want French toast.” Really kid? French toast?
“I didn’t make you French toast.”
“Mummy makes me French toast. I want mummy.”
“Mummy is not here. Eat up so we can go see her at the hospital.”
“No!” I take three deep breaths in and out and count to ten before
answering.
“If you don’t eat your breakfast you’re going to stay hungry. I’m not
going to argue with you, Charlotte.”
“Fine. You eat it then.” She pushes the bowl away from in front of her
almost spilling it all over the table. Where the hell did this attitude come
from?
“Charlotte Moore you will not speak to me like that. If you’re going to
be rude you can go to your room and not come out until you’re ready to eat
your cereal.”
 “My name is Charlotte Stewart.” She actually talks back to me before
running off to her room. Okay then. Her mother and I are going to have to
have a chat about her surname eventually.
I feel terrible for yelling at her. It’s the first time I have done so. She’s
missing Alannah, yesterday was an upsetting and traumatic day for her.
Perhaps I need to cut her some slack. If she wants French toast then maybe
we can go out for breakfast instead.
When I open her bedroom door to speak to her I’m met with a mess.
Her rainbow unicorn quilt is rolled into a ball in the middle of her bed.
There are clothes and toys all over the place. How the hell did she make
such a mess in so short a time? She’s sitting on the floor surrounded by
large pink and white blocks she is playing with to build a tower.
“Charlotte why are there so many clothes on the floor?”
“It must have been the rats.” She answers deadpanned.
Excuse me? The what now? Rats?
“What are you talking about, what rats?”
“The baby rats made the mess.”
Okay I’ll play along.
“Is that so? And where did they come from?” I cross my arms over my
chest and lean against the door jamb, this should be interesting.
“The electricity holes in my room.” She tells me pointing to the power
point under her window.
“Really?”
“Yep. They’re really small and came in and pulled down all the clothes
then went into the kitchen to steal some cheese. You didn’t see them
because they’re very sneaky, sometimes invisible.” I blow out a breath and
rub my hands over my face. I’m tired already and it’s only been an hour.
She’s creative, I’ll give her that. I get down on the carpet to sit beside her
then sit her on my lap to get her undivided attention.
“Listen sweetheart, I know you miss Mummy and were very scared
yesterday but I promise she’s okay and will be home in a couple of days but
that doesn’t mean you can be naughty and not listen to me, because I’m
going to be right here looking after you. Until then can we work as a team
because Daddy was scared too and the truth is I’ve never made French toast
before.”
“You haven’t?” She says with wonder.
“Nope. Can you show me how?”
 By the time we get to the hospital it’s eleven o’clock and I have never
felt so flustered and out of my depth before. Facing a boardroom is a piece
of cake compared to dressing and trying to feed a child. I left the kitchen in
a mess from my attempt to follow Charlotte’s instructions on French toast.
In the end I said fuck it and we went out for pancakes instead.
After giving up on breakfast it was time to dress her which in itself was
another battle. She insisted on dressing herself so I left her to it going to
check on her five minutes later. Charlie’s socks didn’t match. She was
testing me, seeing how far she can push me so I let her wear the two
different coloured socks, one red, the other orange with her pink sneakers,
yellow shorts and purple t-shirt. She’s a mini rainbow. Her hair is in
uneven, lopsided pigtails which she insisted she had to have. Hey, at least I
tried.
I walk into Alannah’s room with Charlotte in one arm and an overnight
bag in my other hand.
Alannah starts laughing as soon as she sees us.
“So I take it the morning went well?” I drop Charlie on the bed allowing
her to climb onto her mother’s lap. I let out a breath and fall back into the
chair.
“Don’t ask.” I have such an extreme appreciation for Alannah dealing
with this and doing so much on her own for so long. She’s super woman. “I
don’t know if I can survive tonight on my own, this morning was horrible.”
I groan.
“Welcome to parenthood.” She chuckles.
CHAPTER 22
 A L A N NA H

I have never been so happy to be home. The boredom in that hospital

room was killing me, there is only so much time I can spend reading
and sleeping. I was allowed to leave this afternoon with strict
instructions on resting and taking it easy from the doctor.
I am so grateful for Nick being here, looking after Charlotte even
though there have been a few bumps and learning curves for him. When I
spoke to my mother yesterday, she was ready to cut her vacation short and
come home but I assured her that everything was fine, Nicholas was here
and besides he needs this. He needs the practice and responsibility of
looking after her on his own, up until now it’s been visits and fun stuff and
Charlotte needs to realise she can’t wrap her father around her little finger
and get away with everything. He may not like having to discipline her but
it’s necessary.
He gets me settled on the couch with pillows and blankets, fussing like
a mother hen.
“I’m fine, Nick.”
“Now that you’re home I was thinking of staying at a hotel if you think
you’ll manage in the evenings.”
“Why?”
“You don’t exactly have the space or a spare room, Alannah and I
definitely won’t fit on your couch.”
I shake my head at him. I won’t hear of it, it feels wrong kicking him
out after all he’s done. We can work around the sleeping arrangements. In
fact I would feel better knowing he’s here if I can’t get up to see to Charlie.
He could sleep in Charlotte’s room and Charlie with me but I don’t want to
risk making her sick too.
“How about you take my bed with Charlie and I’ll sleep in her room.” I
suggest.
“I don’t know.” He hesitates.
“Please, Nick. I want you to stay.” He is looking a bit uncomfortable
and rubs the back of his neck.
“I mean is that appropriate, for me to sleep with her in the same bed.
I’m not sure if I should.”
“It is perfectly fine.” I think it’s sweet he is worrying so much.
That night while I’m tucking Charlotte in, she gets all teary eyed when I
hug her, clinging onto my arm when I try to move away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I never want to lose you.” She sniffles.
“Oh sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere. Are you?”
“No.”
“See, neither one of us is leaving. We are going to be together for a long
time. Forever and ever. Especially in here.” I tell her as I point to her heart.
“But what about when I’m a grown up?”
“What about it?”
“You’ll be old.” Thanks Charlotte.
“So?”
“Well old people die.” She answers like it’s common knowledge.
Why is she thinking about this stuff? Perhaps the image and trauma of
finding me on the kitchen floor has affected her more than she has let on. I
pull her closer into my body.
“Munchkin, that is not going to happen for a very, very long time. I
promise you. I’ll be around until I’m a hundred. Hey, I’m a grown up and I
still have my mum. Do you think grandma is old?” She thinks about it for a
moment.
“No, but how old is she?”
“Fifty three.”
“That’s old,” She whines. I need to remember to pass on this little
conversation to my mother.
“Okay, it’s time to sleep, I want you to think and dream of happy things,
like how much I love you and what you would like to do tomorrow with
Daddy.”
 “Can Daddy read me a story?” Nick is standing in the doorway and
steps inside upon hearing her request.
“Of course I will. Which book would you like?”
“Charlotte’s Web.” I grab the well-loved book off the shelf and pass it to
him, leaving them to it.

A week has passed since Nicholas brought me home from the hospital. I
called to thank John for taking care of Charlotte and also about how long
I’ll be away from work. He was very understanding and told me that things
have slowed down coming up to the holidays so he insisted I take from now
until the new year off and to look after myself. I couldn’t thank him enough
and hated leaving him without anyone to help him but he maintained that
he’ll manage just fine.
Charlotte has loved having her father here for so long, they have spent
hours playing together and after dinner it is always movie time for the three
of us. She has him sitting there watching every Disney princess movie there
is. He even learned how to make Charlotte’s favourite French toast
perfectly after that first disaster. I wonder what he’s thinking about this
domestic family life. Is he happy being here and not working? He hasn’t
complained once but what if this life is not what he ever dreamt it to be.
Nick has always thrived in his world of designing and building and seeing a
project take shape from start to finish.
I’m being stupid, I shouldn’t stress over something that is probably
nothing but doubts in my own head only.
As much as I have been enjoying Nick’s company there are times where
he has been driving me nuts, like an annoying nurse, ensuring I take my
antibiotics on time, three times a day and if he happens to be out he calls to
double check I’ve taken them. I roll my eyes knowing he can’t see me at
those times. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud.
I’m feeling a lot better but not quite yet back to perfect health with my
cough lingering. Nick has been finding excuses to touch me such as
offering back rubs or when he brings me a cup of tea his fingers brush
against mine, not that I'm complaining. He is making it hard to resist him
though and I’m sick but on the other hand we need to take our time, I can't
jump back in the sack with him so quickly. He'll think everything is okay
and back to normal when it is so far from the case. Each morning he wakes
up looking all delicious and sleep rumpled walking around in nothing but a
singlet and boxer shorts. He's doing it on purpose I know he is, doing all he
can to weaken my resolve.
He never misses an opportunity to kiss me whether it is first thing every
morning or last thing at night. Thinking back to our mini make out session
on the couch a couple of nights ago makes my skin feel hot, he had me
underneath him with his leg between mine. I could feel his erection digging
into me, and boy is he bigger than I remembered. We were getting hot and
heavy, his hands were everywhere until my coughing fit stopped us. Having
his body on top of mine again was heavenly, even through layers of
clothing between us I could feel every hard muscle moving against me.
I can’t deny I’ve liked having him here. We have spent so much time
talking in the evenings that it started to feel like old times. One night we
watching home videos of Charlotte I had recorded, such as when she took
her first steps or sitting in her high chair eating and making an adorable
mess.
“I wish I was able to be here sooner.” He sadly told me.
“I know you do. We can’t change it. You’re here now, you weren’t too
late to get to know your daughter. She loves you, you know she does.” I
truly believe that.
Even though it took him a while, even if it took him another five years,
it would never have been too late to get to know his daughter and be a part
of her life. The two of us however would have been a different story.
I'm sitting on the couch reading while Nick tucks Charlie in and reads to
her. When he finally comes back out he picks up my feet, sits on the couch
and places them in his lap rubbing them.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking after my girlfriend.”
“Who is this girlfriend, have I met her?” I joke. He blushes and then I
see his face change, as if he is concentrating too hard on something but can't
come up with an answer. “Listen, I’ve loved spending all this time together
and I know I said that I’m willing to give us another chance and go out on
dates but I can’t just jump straight back into how it was before, Nick. You
understand that don’t you? I appreciate everything you have done for me
this past week, please be patient with me.”
He puts my feet down then turns his body to face me better.
“Of course, baby. No rush. Anyway we need to talk about something.”
“Okay? Sounds serious.” He has me curious.
“You know I’m happy to stay here as long as you need me to but the
thing is Rick called me earlier, he needs to fly out to one of our
developments in Asia so I need to get back to Sydney. I want you and
Charlotte to fly back with me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because that’s where I need to be. I’ll be there and you’ll be here on
your own.”
“Your point being?”
“Look at what happened here, Alannah. You had pneumonia and not
taking care of yourself. What if it was worse? What if you hurt yourself
when you fell and were bleeding? What if she didn’t call me and you were
left lying there for hours on end. I can’t deal with that. I need to know
you’re both safe. You’re still not fully recovered and your mother is not due
back for another five days.” He fires back.
“There would have been a bit of a mess to clean up then off the kitchen
floor.” I hiss.
“You think your health is a joking matter?”
“You’re overreacting. We’re fine. I’ve been doing this on my own for a
while now.” He hangs and shakes his head. Okay, even I’ll admit that was a
low blow.
“Do you think I want to risk losing you again? I was on that plane not
knowing what I was going to find when I landed. You can’t begin to
imagine the terror I felt. Being here with the two of you has been incredible.
I’m usually alone in that apartment of mine and missing you. Okay so the
situation is not exactly ideal. What’s so wrong with me wanting you both to
come home with me? I also don’t want to miss anymore of her life than I
have to.”
“I apologise, and you’re right I don’t know how you felt when Charlotte
called you but for the time being our life is here, Nick and you’re not going
to miss anything. I’ll make sure of it.” Compromise Alannah. Do this for
him.
 “How about we come back with you for a week or two until I’m fully
recovered. We’ll stay with you considering it’s almost Christmas. We can
spend it together, give Charlotte a wonderful holiday then come home
afterwards.”
His shoulders slump in defeat, it’s all I’m willing to give right now so
he either takes it or leaves it. I’m not uprooting our whole lives back to
Sydney just because he’s afraid. We still don’t know if this second time
around is going to go anywhere.
“Okay, fine. I’ll make the arrangements.” With that he stands and walks
away.
CHAPTER 23
 A L A N NA H

W e’re headed for Sydney again tonight. I spent last night

packing enough clothing for Charlotte and myself to last for a
couple of weeks. She is over the moon that we’ll be going to
stay at her father’s house for Christmas. I’m worried about when the time
comes for us to return back here how she will take being separated from
him after having the both of us together for so long. What if he spoils her so
much over the holidays she won’t want to leave? I mean, I know that this is
the first holiday he’s spending with her and will obviously want to make it
memorable, I can’t exactly tell him not to go too crazy can I.
Two days ago I decided on what I’m giving Nicholas on Christmas
morning. It’s something special to prove to him that we’re moving forward.
I only hope it arrives in time.
The plane will be ready to take off at four this afternoon so we still had
the whole day to kill. The weather today is beautifully warm and sunny, so
Nick suggested we go spend a couple of hours down at the beach, in fact he
wouldn’t take no for an answer, insisting the fresh air will do me good too, I
won’t be swimming but Charlotte loves playing in the sand and it will get
us out.
Lying out on a sun lounger on the sand half under an umbrella I’m
watching the two of them building sand castles near the shore and sneakily
taking photos with my phone. Nick is covered in sand without a care in the
world, there’s even some in his hair. It’s the sweetest sight. He’s turned out
to be a truly amazing father, more than I ever expected from him
considering our situation. Perhaps it was always meant to turn out this way,
to give us both the time we needed to mature.
I keep thinking back to when I was in the hospital and Nicholas was at
my bedside. I am positive I heard him crying but I also know I heard him
talking, although I can’t one hundred percent for sure say if he actually said
all those things or if I dreamt it.
As I’m lost in my own mind Charlotte has filled up a bucket of water
and is walking back to Nick, wobbling all over the place trying to not spill
it. Of course being my child she trips over her own feet, the bucket goes
flying out of her hands, tipping the water all over her father. He is
absolutely drenched. She freezes on her hands and knees looking at him
waiting for his reaction. He starts laughing, a deep laugh which gets Charlie
belly laughing too, soon the three of us are laughing, Nick wipes the water
out of his eyes and hair with his fingers before removing his wet t-shirt.
I’m admiring the muscles rippling on his arms, shoulder and back as he
moves around, all that golden skin on display. That’s when I see them, the
scars on his back. There is one large scar running up and down the middle
of his spine and a few little white ones along the side. Oh my God, it’s true,
what I think I heard, it has to be, those are surgery scars. Tears are falling
before I can stop them. My heart is aching for what he must have gone
through.
He walks up the beach to where I am, grabbing a towel to dry himself
and sees the tears running down my cheeks which I wasn’t fast enough to
wipe away. His face frowns in worry so he sits beside me.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He wipes my tears away
with his thumbs.
“Your scars.”
“Oh,” he hesitates, not saying anything else. “Umm…”
“I heard what you said in the hospital, while I was half asleep, I mean I
only heard bits and pieces but I can put most of it together.” He looks down
at his feet.
“Why haven’t you said anything all week?”
“I honestly didn’t know how to bring it up and I was afraid that I had
dreamt it and it wasn’t real. Perhaps I was hoping it wasn’t true.”
“How much did you hear?”
“That you tried to call my dad and that you had an accident. There’s
more isn’t there considering the scars on your back?”
 “Yes. A whole lot more.”
“Are you in any pain?”
“No. Just the usual back pain here and there and sometimes if the
weather is really cold my bones hurt.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this earlier? You’ve had months,
Nicholas.” He looks over to Charlotte who’s busy digging a hole with her
spade.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. What was the best way to bring it up? At
first you were so angry at me, barely being able to stand being near me. I
don’t think you were ready to sit and listen to me.”
That may be true but I’m still upset with him keeping this. How many
more secrets are there? I was beginning to think we were finally getting to a
good place.
“You were still keeping things from me.”
“No, not intentionally, I was always going to tell you. Don’t start
putting walls up, Alannah, please. We need to talk, I know we do and we
will, but can we do it later, let’s enjoy the rest of the day with our daughter.
I’ll tell you everything that happened on the plane.”
“I’ll agree to that but only to not ruin Charlotte’s day but you need to
tell me everything, Nick.” The last thing I want is to be made to feel foolish
once more.
I leave him sitting on the sun lounger and join Charlie in the sand.

We’re finally in the air. From the time we left the beach until we
boarded the plane I’ve been mentally preparing myself to hear whatever
Nick is going to tell me. I figure it’s going to be tough to listen to, why else
would he put it off for so long. From the little I recall there was no
mistaking the pain behind his words.
We had dinner and have tucked Charlotte in the bed at the rear of the
plane watching a movie on her tablet, leaving us alone in our seats, opposite
each other with a small wooden table between us.
“You said we would talk,” I begin the conversation.
 “Please let me get it all out at once without interrupting me.” I nod in
agreement and wait.
His voice is flat, emotionless, he could be talking to a stranger or about
something as insignificant as the weather as he begins his story from the
time of finding out about his test results, having to fly to London, to calling
my father, being hit and everything that followed afterwards, his surgery
and recovery, how frustrated he was with therapy, his loneliness, his fears
and struggles, not only physically but with Moore & Morgan as well. My
emotions are seesawing up and down from one extreme to the other. I’ve
have to wipe my never ending tears away listening to him talk. Nick
however refuses to make eye contact with me, instead his eyes are trained
out the plane’s window towards the complete darkness of the sky.
I rise from my seat and step around the table to sit next to him, taking
his hand in mine. His eyes are sad and wary as he turns to me.
“You really truly wanted to come to us so long ago.”
“Of course I did, Lana. The thought of the two of you out there kept me
going, not giving up. You know at the time I had no idea if I had a son or
daughter. I wanted to wait until I saw you in person to find out.”
“You could have so easily had been killed that night.” His only response
is a shrug. “I always thought Charlotte would have the chance and
opportunity to meet you when she got older. That almost didn’t happen.”
“I’m still here.”
I wrap my arms around his neck hugging him close to me, his own
automatically surrounding my waist. At one point I may have wished that I
had never met him but as hard as I tried I never stopped loving and missing
him. He was so lucky, he may have been gone that day for good and I never
would have known he was coming for us. I pull back letting him go, staring
into his eyes.
“You have to come clean to everybody, to your family.” I tell him.
“No,” he shakes his head. “What difference will it make now? They’ll
hate me all over again.”
“Or they’ll understand why their son and brother stayed away for so
long and it wasn’t because he didn’t care about them. How do you think
your parents and sister, hell even Flynn are going to feel when they find out
that you would rather go through something like that on your own? It will
devastate them but it has to be better than thinking you didn’t give a shit
about them, don’t love them. Stop pushing everybody away.”
 “I can’t do that to them. I’ve already put them through so much
heartache.”
“Yes you can. If this is going to work I’m not going to keep such a big
secret from your family. I can’t do that. I’ll be there with you when you tell
them if that’s what you want. You know it’s the right thing to do.” He says
nothing while closing his eyes and resting his head on the back of his seat.
“I’m angry at you. Not for what happened but how you went about it
afterwards. You know what your problem is, Nicholas, it’s never completely
letting anyone in, thinking you’re so much better off on your own, when
you don’t have to be. Even when we were together there was still that tiny
part of you I couldn’t reach and you know it’s true. You’ve always had this
wall up because of your childhood, I’m sorry you never knew your
biological mother and your father neglected you, but can’t you see it’s no
longer needed. You’re loved by so many people who would never hurt
you.” I take a deep breath in and out as he remains silent. He is such a
frustrating man at times. “Tell me the truth about why you waited to call
me. All it would have taken is one phone call. What was going on in that
head of yours?” I sit back and wait. I’m not allowing him to get away with
not giving me the answers I want and need.
“I had this picture in my head of how it would go seeing you again. The
first time I saw Charlotte I didn’t want to be in a wheelchair, that’s not the
first image and memory I wanted to give her of me, I wanted to be able to
pick her up and play with her and I also didn’t want you to see me so
broken, weak and pity me. You can’t imagine the humiliation I felt not
being able to go to the bathroom on my own, shower on my own. I couldn’t
handle being judged.”
“The way you judged me? You act without thinking about the
consequences. We are a perfect example of that. Because it always has to be
about you right?”
“Of course not and believe me I’ve learned my lessons, I’ve apologised
for that. Can you understand why though, can you see my point of view at
all?”
“Is there anything else, because if there is now is the time to tell me.”
“There’s nothing else. That’s everything.” I place my hand on his cheek
forcing him to open his eyes and look at me.
“Hey, I care about you, your family, and our family. I want us to move
forward with our lives but not with something like this hanging over us.
We’ve both kept them in the dark about so much already, no more. I don’t
want to do that again, I can’t.”
“Our family?”
“Yes our family, it may not be perfect but it’s ours and we need to fight
for it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
He leans over me, bringing his lips to mine in a soft, slow and deep kiss.
It’s a kiss of relief and understanding and gratefulness.
By the time we arrive at his apartment it’s late at night, Charlotte is fast
asleep as he lifts her out of the car onto his shoulder. Wade is standing
behind us with our luggage waiting for the elevator doors to open in the
parking garage. When they do I hesitate to step inside. I haven’t been back
here in so long. Sensing my hesitation Nick places his hand on my lower
back giving me a little nudge to get me moving inside.
Once his front door opens I take two steps inside then halt. I’m
overwhelmed with a rush of memories and emotions. My eyes are drawn to
the spot in the kitchen where I was standing when it all fell apart. My
stomach clenches and I feel ill. This was once home but now nothing more
but the scene of the moment my life and happiness was shattered.
“I’ll show you to your room.” Nick softly says.
I follow him on heavy legs upstairs to a guest room. He turns on the
bedside lamp and deposits Charlotte on the queen size bed, she is already
changed into her pyjamas so I cover her with the soft quilt and turn to say
goodnight to Nick. I spy Wade leaving my suitcase just inside the door
before taking his leave.
“Goodnight. Umm…if you need anything I’ll be downstairs.”
“Thanks.” He leaves, quietly shutting the door behind him.
That was a little awkward.
I change out of my clothes and settle in next to my daughter. She was
probably conceived somewhere in this apartment. I wonder if things turned
out differently if we would still be living here or if Nick and I would have
chosen to move into a house, something with a backyard. There’s no point
dwelling on the what-ifs. I’m back in a place I never expected to return and
my soul feels the anxiety. As hard as I try I have trouble getting to sleep, I
have no clue what the next week or two will bring, I feel like I’m treading
water in the deep end of the pool, my feet unable to touch the bottom, afraid
of drowning. It’s sink or swim time. If we can get through these next few
weeks and months the outcome will be worth it. My family is worth it. I
have to let go of the past hurt to truly give us hope of a real and happy
future.

I’m woken up by Charlie jumping up and down on the bed squealing

after what feels like only after five minutes of me finally getting to sleep.
“Mummy you have to get up and come see this. Come on, get up.”
I drag myself up, put on my robe and follow her downstairs. What on
earth has her so excited so early in the morning? When I reach the bottom I
stop, surprised by the scene before me.
“Wow!”
I’ve walked into a Christmas wonderland. Red and green garland sits
around the fire place with three large red stockings hanging off it, there is a
huge Christmas tree in front of the floor to ceiling window, it’s easily over
seven foot tall and covered in twinkling lights and green, gold and red
ornaments. There are also various Santas, reindeers and snowmen placed
around the room, on shelves and tables, even fake snow.
It’s truly magical.
Charlotte is running around inspecting it all.
This wasn’t here last night, someone has definitely been busy this
morning.
Nick comes out of his bedroom in grey sweatpants, a black t-shirt and
barefoot, looking all delicious and way too handsome for someone who was
asleep not long ago.
“Good morning ladies.” He grins.
CHAPTER 24
 N ICHOL A S

I have them home with me. I love it but for how long will I be enjoying
their company? How can I convince her to stay for good? At last,
everything is out in the open between us. After telling her everything
a weight was removed from my shoulders, I no longer have to be afraid and
watch what I say around her. She was more understanding than I ever
anticipated however insisted on me telling my family. That will be tough,
the more I thought about it last night the more I knew she was right. I do
have to tell them. No more lies and no more secrets.
This is the first time I’ve had my apartment decorated like this for the
holidays but the smile on my little girl’s face is worth it. I cannot describe
the joy it brings me just seeing her so happy. I’m beginning to see the magic
of Christmas through a child’s eye. Charlie is teaching me so much about
what is truly important in life.
They have both brought life and colour to the place and it has only been
a few hours. I can never go back to how it used to be beforehand, the place
was so drab and clinical. When Alannah left I got rid of everything she ever
placed or changed in here, not wanting to see it and be reminded of her. She
was the one who made this place feel like home and now I regret trying to
erase her.
I needed to go into the office this morning for a few hours but promised
to be back by three at the latest. Alannah didn’t like the look of the clouds
outside so opted to stay in and take Charlie down to the indoor pool and
have a swim with her. I know they’ll be safe down there but I still had Wade
make sure someone was on watch just in case.
 “You’re actually here or am I seeing things.” Rick acts surprised
walking in and sitting in the chair in front of my desk. His blonde hair flops
as he walks and his green eyes twinkle in amusement at me.
“Very funny. I’m sorry with the way I left so suddenly but Charlotte and
Alannah needed me.”
“I understand, man. How is she now?”
“Good, getting better. She came home with me.”
“Seriously? How did you mange that?” His brows shoot up in surprise.
“It took a little convincing but it’s only for the holidays though.”
“So what does that mean for the two of you?”
“I don’t know, I mean it’s a step in the right direction. We’re trying,
trying to be a family for Charlotte but honestly I have no idea how long it’s
going to take to convince her to come home for good. I told her about
London.”
“Glad to hear it. It’s about time. You guys can work this out. Just be
patient and don’t do anything stupid.”
“Thank you for your confidence in me.” I roll my eyes.
“Anytime. I would love to finally meet that daughter of yours and see
Alannah again before she leaves.”
“I’ll speak to her and work something out. Thanks, Rick, for everything.
I don’t know what I would have done without you for so long now.”
“Don’t worry about it, after all, my name is on the letterhead too, plus
you’re paying for a month long vacation to somewhere tropical to thank
me.” I laugh at his statement but it’s the least I can do for him.
“Deal. So what’s been happening around here?”

The late afternoon sun is shining through the window as I sit at the
piano with Charlotte on my lap. I taught myself how to play as a teen in
high school, hoping to impress this girl in music class but then gave up on
it. Earlier today she asked if she can play it and I offered to teach her a
song. Her small delicate fingers are sitting over my own, her eyes following
the keys as I play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star over and over again, her
sweet voice singing along.
“Are you ready to try it on your own?”
“I think so.”
“Show me what you got.”
She nervously presses the keys until she feels comfortable and sure
she’s playing the right notes. She gets to the end of the song then plays it
again.
“I can play it!” She cheers.
“You sure can. You’re a natural.” I kiss the top of her head. “I think
you’re ready to put on a concert.” We continue with chopsticks which has
us both laughing the faster we get and out of time and tune.
I look up and Alannah is leaning against the wall in the hallway
watching us. She looks beautiful. Her hair is in a ponytail, she’s wearing a
pair of light blue jeans and dark green top, her face is free of make-up yet
there is something about her that is calling to me, it always has.
Charlotte gets bored and runs off to the kitchen to help my housekeeper
bake cupcakes for dessert. I hired Sharon when I initially returned from
London after the apartment had been sitting empty for all that time. She
comes in three times a week to clean and prepare some of my meals.
Honestly she has been a life saver on many occasions. Charlotte took to her
immediately. I even overheard my daughter telling my housekeeper about
our breakfast disaster this morning. Little traitor.
I rise from the stool, stalking Alannah, who hasn’t moved from the wall,
her caramel eyes lighting up the closer I get.
“That was the cutest thing I have ever seen. You are so wonderful with
her.”
After so many days of constantly being around her it’s getting difficult
to keep my distance. I want to throw her on my bed and bury myself in her,
but I won’t, not until she tells me she’s ready.
Grabbing her hips I pull her into my body capturing her mouth in a
fierce and greedy kiss. Her hands run up my back and into my hair, pulling
it. Something about the way she’s kissing me back is different, more
forceful, she’s nibbling on my lower lip, encouraging me, asking for more.
My left hand glides down the side of her body, I reach her thigh lifting it
up higher, wrapping it around my hip allowing me to settle further into her
body, her core open but covered. I step closer rubbing myself against her,
my dick is awake and eager to play. I haven’t dry humped since I was in
high school but I do not remember it feeling this good with anyone else
before. The wall at her back is the only thing keeping us upright. Like an
eager teenager it’s not going to take much more before I embarrass myself
by cuming in my pants. She moans through her lips that are still attached to
mine.
We eventually break apart to take a much needed breath.
“Fuck.” I pant, leaning my forehead against hers.
“I should check on Charlie.” She says breathless, before disentangling
herself from me and leaving me with a raging hard-on in the hallway.
Later that evening after another dinner filled with Charlie’s chatter
Alannah puts her to bed and reads her a story while I reply to some emails
and start on a drawing for a new sporting complex which I have been
putting off. An hour later, I join Alannah on the couch. She’s watching
some trashy reality dating show. I hand her a mug of hot tea, I went out and
found the same unicorn mug I had broken for her, turning the volume down
on the TV.
“Thank you. Wow, you still have this?” She smiles at the mug in her
hand. I should admit it’s a replacement but I don’t want to wipe the smile
off her face so I keep quiet.
“I’m curious about something.” I state sipping my own iced coffee.
“Yes?”
“I haven’t seen you drink any coffee in all these months. Why is that?”
Her face falls and she concentrates way too hard at her tea.
“That morning when I told you I was pregnant, you were making coffee.
Since that day I can’t smell or drink it without being reminded of the
fallout. I’ve gotten better over time. I can at least be around others drinking
it without falling apart now.” It’s as if I’ve been kicked in the stomach by
her explanation. “I’m not saying this to upset you, it’s the simple truth.” We
both fall silent, no doubt each thinking about the events of that painful day.
Know I’m glad I didn’t mention the replacement mug.
“How are you liking the room, you can move to another one if it’s not
suitable.” I suggest needing to change the subject.
“No it’s fine. Charlie is loving it. To her it’s like having one great big
slumber party.”
I should choose one of the spare rooms to turn into a permanent
bedroom for Charlotte. The plan is to get her to spend a whole lot more
time here after all.
“So I was thinking we spend Christmas morning here, just the three of
us and then head over to my parent’s house. I told my mother that you were
both coming back with me and she has invited us over for lunch if you’re
good with that.”
“That sounds lovely. No fighting this time right?”
“No fights. I was also wondering about what Charlotte has asked for
from Santa this year.”
“You know, I’m not really sure, with me being ill and all we’ve
forgotten to write our letter to Santa this year. I’ll find out tomorrow and let
you know.”
“Great. Now, I have another question for you. What was with that kiss
before, there was something there that I haven’t felt in a long time, tell me
I’m not wrong.” She takes a large gulp of her tea blushing.
“No, you’re not wrong. I spent a lot of time last night thinking about
what you told me. This really is our second chance and I don’t want to
waste it being afraid.” She takes the drink out of my hand, placing it and her
mug down on the coffee table then moves across the couch, bringing her leg
over my lap straddling me. “Hi.” She says playfully.
My hands find her ass.
“Alannah?” I question.
“Nicholas.” She winks. Okay what is going on here all of a sudden?
Her hands caress my face, using her fingernails to scratch the slight
stubble on my cheeks. She initiates our kiss this time. It starts off slow and
gentle increasing in intensity with each passing second. Her tongue seeking
entrance into my mouth, I take her in caressing it with my own. I keep my
hands on her butt caressing it up and down, not wanting to do anything to
ruin the moment. I don’t know what changed between last night and this
morning but I like it and won’t be complaining. I move my lips down her
neck, placing wet, open mouthed kisses along the column of her creamy
white throat.
“Touch me.” She begs, moving back and forth trying to find friction on
my lap. I pull back and still her movements. She has me all confused.
“I thought you were the one who wanted to take it slow.”
“I did, I do, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss in
the hallway and the way you felt against me.”
 What do I do, if I reject her now she’ll be hurt? If we do this and it
blows up in my face afterwards it will be back to square one.
I attack her mouth once more in a hungry, soul stealing kiss.
“I’m not going to have sex with you tonight but I will make you feel
good.” I mumble against her lips.
This time she pulls away from me.
“Isn’t this what you want?” She frowns at me.
“More than anything but we are not there yet, baby, I don’t want you to
regret this. Just trust me okay.”
Keeping eye contact I shift her backwards a little on my legs, reach
under her shirt and undo the button of her jeans, pull down the zipper and
find my way in, my hand brushing the edge of her panties waiting for any
sign she wants me to stop, when I see there is no reservation in her eyes I
pull the elastic away from her skin and enter her panties, touching her warm
bare skin as I make my way further down to her body’s entrance.
With my other hand I grab the back of her head, tangling my fingers in
her hair, bringing her mouth to mine.
She is so warm, wet and feels like heaven in my arms. Sex was always a
large part of our relationship and I’m really hoping there is no awkwardness
and we can get back to how it used to be between us. The intoxicating scent
of her arousal surrounds me causing my dick to twitch, trying to leap out
through my pants wanting to get to her. Sorry buddy, not tonight.
I press my palm against her clit then gently ease my finger into her, she
hisses in pleasure against my lips, I start to move in and out or her warmth
ever so slowly at first, increasing in speed after a while adding a second
finger as she starts to ride my hand, she’s huffing and panting as I steal and
give breath back to her, she rips her mouth away from me laying her head
on my shoulder, shuddering, I can feel her whole body shaking, I can feel
her begin to climb higher and higher aiming for the peak.
“Don’t hold back.” I whisper in her ear.
I push against her sensitive nub with my thumb, curve my finger inside
her rubbing against her inner wall hitting her g-spot, I feel her muscles
instantly contract bringing her release closer. A few more thrusts and she
cries out, cuming so hard she drenches my hand with her orgasm. I can’t
stop the smile spreading across my face with the knowledge that it was me
that made her fall apart so easily. I slow my movements riding it out with
her.
 I pepper her face with tiny kisses as she comes back down to earth.
Her hands move to my belt fumbling to get it undone. I cover her hands
with my own stopping her.
“What about you?” She asks. It’s not hard to miss the erection straining
against my pants.
“No, this was just for you.”
“Why?” She’s looking at me like I’m crazy and maybe I am.
“I told you I don’t want to rush this, I want it to be perfect. I’ll survive.”
She pouts looking adorable. “The truth is I’m also a little nervous.” I admit.
“I’ve been fantasising about this for so long but I haven’t …you
know….since before the accident and I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint
you.” She plays with the small buttons of my polo shirt.
“I get what you’re saying but you could never disappoint me, I haven’t
forgotten how it used to be between us. We’ll get back there one day and
it’s probably best to wait but hey at least we know it’s working.” She
giggles rubbing her hand over my cock.
“Not helping.” I groan.
“Sorry. That’s a long time by the way.”
“You have no idea.” I chuckle.
I envelope her in my arms, resting her head in the middle of my chest
and sit on that couch cuddling, not saying a word, just enjoying being in
each other’s presence. For the first time since I’ve been back in her life
there is no need for words.
“I better get back to Charlotte in case she wakes up.” She says into my
chest. I’m so content and relaxed I don’t want either one of us to move.
“Five more minutes.” I tell her keeping my arms around her.
CHAPTER 25
 A L A N NA H

L eaving Nick on the couch I climb the stairs, feeling his eyes
following me up until I reach the bedroom. My daughter is spread
eagled across the mattress so I push her little legs over giving
myself enough room to sleep. Turning off the bedside lamp I lay down,
however my brain doesn’t shut off and is replaying our interaction on the
couch, I can’t say I’m not disappointed he stopped me, but we both need to
be ready to take this next step. I felt safe in his arms, relaxed, without a
single worry. I was content to continue sitting there. I haven’t felt that way
for so long, in the past being held by him always made it seem like
everything was right in the world and tonight was no different. I’ve had to
continue being strong for the two of us, whether I had it in me or not, but
for once I completely let my guard down and it was okay, it wasn’t the end
of the world.
When I wake up it’s still early, the sun has barely risen, I roll over to
face Charlotte expecting to see her sleeping except she’s not next to me. I
sit up looking around assuming she may be in the bathroom but the light is
off. I get up and step out of the room, she’s probably watching cartoons. I
get downstairs where not a single sound can be heard. I check the TV room
but that too is empty. Where could she be? There are so many places in this
enormous apartment she could get to. I rush to Nick’s room to wake him in
order to ask him to check the security monitors for her, only as I push open
his door I find her fast asleep in his bed beside him. How and why is she in
here? My heart slows down upon seeing her in here. I take a moment
allowing my eyes to roam his naked torso, the covers stopping at his waist.
This man always sleeps shirtless, no matter the weather outside. They both
look so peaceful I tiptoe out letting them sleep.
Half an hour later Nick finds me in the kitchen where I’m reading the
morning news on my phone. He greets me good morning with a kiss to the
temple then heads for the coffee machine.
“Imagine my surprise at finding a cute brunette in my bed,” he teases.
“Yeah, I had no idea she got up and came down to you. I got a fright
when I couldn’t find her.”
“It’s fine, and I promise you she can’t leave the apartment, the door is
bolted and locked at night. Anyway I had an idea yesterday to paint and
have a bedroom decorated for Charlotte, give her a space that’s all hers and
have it all ready for the next time you’re here.” It makes sense, we’re sure
to spend time here in the future. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t already
prepared one.
Once our dear daughter gets up and Nick tells her his idea she squeals
with excitement, so after breakfast the two of them along with Wade made
their way to the hardware store for her to choose the colour of her walls.
Nick is calling it a daddy/daughter project and they will order furniture
together online after they’re done painting. Good luck to him, I know how
difficult our daughter can be when she can’t make up her mind. They could
be there for hours arguing over colours.
While they’re gone I take the opportunity to call my parents. I sit on my
bed and dial my mother first.
“Hey, Mum.”
“Hi darling, how’s Sydney treating you? How’s Charlie liking it?”
“It’s great, Charlotte loves it, you should see the way Nick decorated his
apartment, she’s in Christmas heaven.”
“HA! I bet. How are you doing? Is everything okay?”
“No. I mean, nothing’s wrong, but Nick told me something and I’ve
been running it over and over in my head and I guess I just need to talk
about it.”
“Okay. You have me all concerned now. What did he exactly tell you?”
I swallow the lump in my throat before I start talking.
“Mum, he had an accident, a really bad one, he came close to not being
here today.”
“What, when, is he okay?”
 “He’s fine now, it was about a couple of years ago. He was hit by a car
while in London.” I sit there for the next fifteen minutes repeating most of
what Nick told me about his accident and injury as well as my fears and
thoughts. “I’ve been so caught up in my own anger towards him for so long
I never considered how he was doing, I assumed he had just moved on with
his life but he didn’t, he tried to come to us sooner. I’ve finally let all the
anger and hate go. When I think about that night now all I feel is sadness
for the time we’ve lost. Charlotte came close to never meeting her father, I
almost lost him again.” Tears are running freely down my cheeks. “He tried
to call Dad, did you know about that?”
“No sweetheart, I promise you I had no idea, your father never said
anything to me. Don’t be too harsh on him, he was only protecting you, you
and Charlotte are the only family he has.”
“I know but it still hurts that he never bothered to tell me.”
“Nicholas never forgot about you. Is that what you need, Alannah, to
know you are still his first priority after so long.”
“That’s not it. We’re moving on, we’re both in this, we both want the
same thing which is to be a family.”
“How do you really feel?”
“I’m sad, sad that he went through that alone and so damn angry at him
at the same time. Even if I knew he had been hurt, I don’t know if I would
have been there for him or if it would have changed anything between us at
the time. He was my first love, my first everything, my fairy tale and it
blew up in my face. I’m doing the right thing aren’t I, giving this another
chance?”
“Does he make you happy? Forget Charlotte for a moment, you know
he loves her and will be there regardless, are you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
“Anytime, darling. I’ll let you go. Give that granddaughter of mine a big
hug and kiss. When are you coming home by the way?”
“In another week I think, just after new year, I’ll let you know. Merry
Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
I hang up and have my finger hover over my dad’s name for a few
seconds before calling. He picks up after the third ring.
 “Hey, Anna, long time no hear, what’s up?”
“Well, I’m in Sydney.”
“You are? Why?” He asks confused.
“Charlotte and I are spending Christmas with Nick.”
“I see.”
"I know about the phone call.” I blurt out.
"What phone call?"
"The one Nick made to you a couple of years ago wanting to get in
touch with me. You never told me."
"I didn't think I had to. You were done with him."
"Do you know after he got off the phone with you he had an accident,
which is the only reason he stayed away for so long. All this time you
wanted me to believe the worst about him. I’m not saying he hasn't made
mistakes, we all know he has but when he tried to fix them, you stood in the
way. You could have just told me he tried to contact you. It was not your
decision to make."
"I was being a parent. The first time I saw you after you moved in with
your mother your spark and smile were gone, you were a shell of yourself
and I blame him. I didn't want that happening again."
"Dad I love you, I don’t want to choose between you but if you can't let
this go you're only going to be hurting me and Charlotte. My future is with
Nick, he will always be in our lives, please let it go, if I can forgive him so
can you."
"Just give me some time."
"I can do that. Hopefully we can catch up before I fly back home."
“Sounds like a plan.”
I get off the phone and let out a sigh. That went better than I thought. I
know he's my father and only doing what he believed best for me at the
time, would I do the same thing in his position, keep something from
Charlotte in order to protect her? I suppose only time will tell.
My phone beeps with an incoming message from Rachael letting me
know the package I was waiting for has arrived. I reply that I'll be over soon
to collect it. Thank goodness, I was so worried it wouldn’t arrive in time
even though I put it through as an urgent request. I send Nick a text that I'm
going out for about an hour to meet up with Rachael. He texts back telling
me to be careful and that he’s sending a car and driver over. I can’t help but
roll my eyes at his over-protectiveness.
 The driver who shows up is Zac of all people. I haven't seen him since
he was driving me around when Nick and I were engaged. This is awkward
to say the least. It honestly feels a little weird having him drive me around
again, like I've stepped back into the past except I’m not the same person I
was back then and neither is Nicholas.

I'm wrapping gifts in the bedroom where I can hear laughter and
arguing coming from what will be Charlotte's new bedroom making me
smile. Apparently choosing paint was a hard experience so her walls are
going to be two colours. I don't want to imagine what is happening in that
room, Nicholas has never painted a wall in his life. I can hear her
instructions and demands floating down the hallway.
Running out of sticky tape I wonder if Nick has any in his home office.
I head downstairs and step into his study to find some in order to finish
wrapping his gift while he's busy with Charlotte. I haven’t been in this room
for years. It is exactly the same, not a thing has been changed, well this is
Nicholas Moore we’re talking about here, did I expect anything different,
the only alteration is the photos of our daughter framed on his desk, the
desk that he fucked me on top of, on more than one occasion.
I open his desk drawers in the hopes of finding what I'm looking for. I
have no luck with the top drawer and move down to the next one. I open it
up and all the air leaves my lungs when I find what’s lying in there. My
engagement ring. He still has it? With shaky fingers I reach in and pick it
up.
I close my eyes and two images fight each other in my mind, the day he
gave it to me and the one where he ripped it off.
A noise at the door startles me, opening my eyes I find Nick standing
there.
"I’m sorry, I was looking for some tape." I stammer. I put the ring back,
close the drawer and step away from his desk wrapping my arms around my
waist.
 I look down at my feet but can sense him moving towards me. Out of
the corner of my eye I see his hand open the drawers on the opposite side of
his desk, pulling out the tape dispenser and handing it to me.
"Here you go."
"Thank you." I grip it tightly to my chest.
"Alannah look at me." I gaze at his tortured face.
"You still have it." I state.
"I do."
"Why?"
He sticks his hands in his pockets and walks away to stand in front of
the large windows overlooking the city with his back to me.
"That night, I came in here and threw it in the drawer not wanting to
look at it. As time went on, every time I opened that drawer and saw it, it
was a reminder to not let anyone in again, to not allow myself to trust so
easily again. The truth is I couldn't get rid of it, it was all I had left to
remind me you were once here after removing every other reminder of you
from the place." His shoulders sag as I hear him exhale.
There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said so instead I walk
up behind him wrapping my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his
back.
"I was just surprised to see it."
“I saw the look on your face while you were looking at it. It hurt you."
"It did, that ring meant so much to me at one time, now it doesn't
exactly bring pleasant memories to mind."
"I'm sorry." He turns around in my arms. “I’ll get rid of it.”
"Stop apologising, we're moving on remember and it’s your ring, Nick,
you can do whatever you like with it. Where’s Charlotte?"
"I left her on the couch with my laptop searching princess beds."
"I better go curtail her shopping spree. Thanks for the tape."
Later that afternoon Nick asks if we have any Christmas Eve traditions
and Charlotte is quick to tell him about our camp-out waiting up for Santa
every year.
"We gather our pillows and blankets and sleep in the living room
waiting for Santa to arrive. She always sleeps right through.” I explain.
“Sounds like fun.”
After dinner and three rounds of a competitive game of Uno, we busy
ourselves leaving milk and cookies out for Santa plus some carrots for the
reindeers. Nick drags in the mattress from his bedroom and places it in the
middle of the living room for us to sleep on. Once Charlie is satisfied that
everything has been prepared to her liking the three of us get under the
covers with Charlotte laying between us.
“Goodnight, mummy, goodnight, daddy.”
“Goodnight princess.” She curls into my side as Nick drapes his arm
over us both holding my hand.
We’re quiet for a few minutes as Charlie falls asleep. The large room
dimly lit by only the twinkling lights on the tree. It truly gives the place a
magical feel.
“I’m looking forward to tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to see her face
and excitement.” Nick tells me softly in order to not wake her.
“Me too. She loves being here and had a ball painting her room. I can’t
believe she banned me from seeing it until it’s finished.”
“I wonder who she takes after?” He jokes. “Do you think I’m doing an
okay job with her at this parenting thing so far?” He asks unsurely, although
he has no reason to doubt himself.
“You’ve been absolutely wonderful with her, she loves you and wants to
be around you more than me sometimes if you haven’t noticed. I’ll need to
prepare her to go back home soon.” He pouts at that statement.
“Don’t. You knew this was only for a little while.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. How are you feeling anyway, how’s the
cough?”
“Much better, thank you again for everything.”
“Tell me, what’s your most favourite Christmas memory?” That’s an
easy question to answer.
“I was ten. I was convinced I wasn’t going to get what I kept asking for.
Don’t laugh but all I wanted was a red coloured snap strap watch. All the
girls at school had one and I thought I would be so cool wearing one too.
When I saw it I literally couldn’t speak for a couple minutes. The best part
was not seeing any of the extended family or friends of my parents; it was
just the three of us all day. We were so happy. We had a great big breakfast
which we all helped to cook together, in the afternoon it was having hot
chocolate and watching Christmas movies. I want that experience for
Charlotte.”
“Then that’s what she’ll have, baby.”
“How about you, what’s your favourite Christmas?”
 “This one right here.” I look at him sceptically with raised brows.
“It’s true, I mean my parents always made the holiday full of fun and
family time but over the years it seemed to lose its meaning. I suppose with
Charlotte here I’m finding the magic in it again. I can’t begin to explain
how much it means that you came to be here for Christmas. I would most
likely be on my own right now. Anyway, I’m going to go get her gifts and
put them under the tree.” He cuts off any further conversation by standing
up.
Christmas morning I’m woken by Charlotte’s excited “Santa came!” as
she inspects the plate of cookies and all the brightly coloured packages
around the tree. Nick and I secretly smile at each other knowing we shared
the milk and cookies between us.
"Merry Christmas, Alannah.” Nick sits up kissing me deeply before
turning to Charlotte who’s jumping up and down. “Merry Christmas, Miss
Charlotte.”
“Can I open them?”
“Go ahead.”
I grab my phone to film her ripping everything open. She got arts and
crafts activities, princess dresses and some books. Her main gift from Santa
was a pink mini grand piano just like her daddy’s which she absolutely
adores. While she’s busy tinkering with it I pull the black box from under
the tree which I placed there handing it to Nick.
“This is for you.” I nervously say.
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I wanted to.”
He unties the green ribbon and lifts the lid. Sitting on top is a framed
photograph of the three of us from Charlotte’s birthday party and a book
called A Dad’s Survival Guide to Raising Daughters, it’s one of those funny
parenting guides, I thought he’d get a kick out of it.
“This is great,” he chuckles. Lastly he pulls out the folded piece of
paper in the bottom. “What’s this?”
“Open it.”
He unfolds it and I know the moment he realises what it is he’s holding.
He gasps then holds his breath, his eyes pooling with tears as they meet
mine.
“This…this is…” I watch him swallow his emotion down.
 “Yes. When you were looking at her school work or swimming
achievements everything had Charlotte Stewart written on it and I heard
you mumbling to yourself, it wasn’t hard to miss the disappointment in your
face that she was a Stewart. When she was born I left the father’s name
blank on her birth certificate, but this is how it should be.”
“Charlotte Moore.” He whispers running his fingers across the letters.
He captures me in his arms in a soul crushing hug, kissing me hungrily only
stopping to rest his forehead against mine. “Thank you, you have no idea
what this means to me.”
“I wanted to give you something meaningful. I know it’s not much.”
“No, Alannah this is everything. Okay, your turn.” He calls Charlotte
over from playing with her new toys. They hand me two boxes, one large
and silver, the other a tiny gold wrapped one.
“Open the big one first, Mummy.” Charlie bounces up and down on her
knees excitedly. I remove the lid and lift the tissue paper to find a beautiful
cream coloured lace dress, with three quarter sleeves.
“Wow, it’s gorgeous.”
“I owe you a re-do first date. I thought I would take you out tomorrow
night and figured you probably needed something to wear for it.” Nick
smiles at me.
“I helped choose it, Mummy, do you like it?”
“I love it, it’s beautiful, just like you.” I bop her on her little button
nose.
“There are pretty shoes in the box too,” she announces. I look in the box
again and laugh when I see the sparkly silver heels. Yep, these are definitely
my daughter’s choice. I take the smaller gift in my hand unwrapping it to
find a jewellers logo on the box. My eyes fly to Nick’s.
“I heard it was customary to give the mother of my child a gift,
something to say thank you for having my baby, better late than never
right.” I’m a little afraid to open it.
I slowly crack it open. Inside it holds an exquisite gold ring with
Charlotte’s birth stone in the middle. The topaz gem shines golden yellow,
it’s round with tiny white diamonds running along the surrounding edges.
It’s absolutely stunning.
“Nick, this is incredible.” He takes it out and places it on the middle
finger of my right hand. “Thank you.” I kiss him in thanks. He can be so
thoughtful and couldn’t have given me anything more perfect than this.
“You deserve it and so much more.”
CHAPTER 26
 N ICHOL A S

Y esterday was certainly an interesting day.

On the drive to the store I asked Charlotte why she ended up
in my bed and her answer struck me in the heart like an arrow.
She didn’t want me to be lonely because I was downstairs and they were
upstairs. This kid sure can pull the heartstrings. She’s compassionate and
caring and a credit to the way Alannah has been raising her.
Who knew choosing paint colours can take over an hour. The staff were
giving me poor guy looks. I was tempted to buy every fucking colour of the
rainbow just to get out of that store. I know Wade got a kick out of it if his
massive grin was any indication. Then coming back to paint her room was
another experience. My daughter can take over Moore & Morgan at any
time judging by her ordering me around. She supervised by pointing out if I
missed a spot. It was fun and normal and created a life lasting memory.
Charlie had her own little section under the window to paint with her small
paintbrush. There was more paint on her than the wall, her clothes were
destroyed and her mother was going to probably kill me but it was worth it.
When I found Alannah in my office with that damn ring in her hand I
almost backtracked out of there like a coward. I’m such an idiot, why didn’t
I get rid of it or hide it in my safe. I want nothing more than to marry her,
have a life with her and Charlotte when the time is right but that particular
ring holds bad memories for us both. I’ll need to find another ring to replace
it with. I was afraid to even speak in case an argument ensued but we had a
conversation and it was over. It goes to show our growth and maturity over
the years. There’s hope for us yet.
 Christmas morning was an experience like no other seeing the joy on
Charlotte’s face. I didn’t think it could get any better until I saw that birth
certificate. It’s only a piece of paper but it has so much significance, and for
Alannah and I, it means we’ve truly turned a corner. My heart feels so full I
want to bottle this feeling forever.
After exchanging gifts, the morning was filled with little subtle touches
and kisses between Lana and I. When I went to bed the other night my dick
was crying, screaming what the hell is wrong with you, however I know I
did the right thing, not that it was easy. I can’t wait to take her out tomorrow
night. A proper new start. I have no expectations except spending time
alone and making her happy.
After a wonderful breakfast with just the three of us like Alannah
wanted, where she had me in charge of the toast which I made perfectly, if I
say so myself, we got ready to head out to my parent’s.
My sister opens the door ignoring me, takes Charlotte in her arms and
walks away into the family room telling her that she has gifts for her,
Alannah follows them as I trail behind weighed down with gifts for my
family. Stepping into the room I’m surprised to find Flynn here too.
“Hey. Merry Christmas.” Flynn stands and we greet each other.
“Merry Christmas guys.”
“What are you doing here?”
“We just stopped by to drop off Charlotte’s gift on our way to my in-
laws, knowing you’d be coming past here.”
“That’s so thoughtful. Thank you.” Alannah hugs him, taking the gift
bag he offers to her.
Suddenly there’s a loud crash and an “Oh my gosh!” coming from the
kitchen. Flynn and the rest of us rush over to find his wife Kaylee standing
frozen in the middle of the room, there’s liquid on the tiled floor at her feet
and the bowl she must have dropped broken into pieces.
“My water just broke.” She announces looking straight at Flynn.
“Are you sure?” He responds. Dumbass.
“Flynn!” Kaylee growls at him.
“Oh, a Christmas baby, how wonderful.” My mother cheers.
All the ladies begin to run around cleaning up the mess and getting
Kaylee into the car for Flynn to take her to the hospital. His daughter Lizzie
is playing with Charlie, so we offer to watch her until one of her
grandparents can come pick her up or we can bring her to the hospital when
the baby is born, however it could take hours before their newest family
member gets here.
We open more gifts and have a great Christmas lunch with my family.
It’s great to see the smile on my parent’s face at having everybody here and
the excitement of waiting on the arrival of Flynn’s baby. If they knew about
Alannah being pregnant this is what it would have been like, and with that
thought my good mood plummets. Don’t think about that today. I honestly
have no idea how long it takes for a woman to have a baby, however five
hours later Flynn calls to tell us it’s another girl. We all make our way to the
hospital to meet the little girl and congratulate them.
We squeeze into the not very large hospital room along with their family
congratulating them and crowding the bassinet. Alannah is cradling the
baby in her arms. She makes it look so easy. I begin picturing her holding
our baby. Is that something she even wants again, to have another child, is it
possible? We got lucky with Charlotte being healthy but the next time we
may not be. I know it’s too soon to be thinking about these things but it is
something we will need to discuss.
The baby is so tiny and beautiful, she thankfully looks more like Kaylee
and I make sure to let Flynn know that. After a few minutes I feel a
heaviness on my chest and need to step outside into the corridor for some
air.
My father comes out after me, finding me leaning against the wall.
“Are you okay, son?”
“Yeah, it’s just seeing everyone and Flynn holding the baby, I’m
understanding more and more what I and we all missed out on with
Charlotte when she was born because of my stupidity. I’m really sorry.”
“It can’t be easy but you have your second chance, Alannah and your
daughter are here now.” My father does something he hasn’t for years and
gives me a hug patting me on the back.
“Everybody makes mistakes, Nicholas, some big and some small but
it’s how you put things right that counts and I’m proud of you and how
much effort you have put into getting your family back together.” He kisses
me on the temple whispering he loves me.
A few tears escape my eyes but I pull myself together wiping them
away. Of all the things he could have said to me, that is what I needed to
hear the most. What will he have to say when I tell him about the accident
which I’ve been keeping from them all for so long? Will he still be proud?
 Alannah comes out of the room looking for me. My dad gives me
another pat on the back and leaves the two of us alone. She wraps her arms
around my waist frowning at my red rimmed eyes.
“Is everything alright?” She asks worriedly
“Perfect.” I smile at her. “Ready to go?”
On the way back to the apartment Charlie is talking non-stop about
Christmas and the new baby in between her yawns. Once home I get her
ready for bed, while Alannah heads for the shower. As I’m tucking her in
she asks me a question I really am not prepared for.
“Daddy, where does the baby come from? I know they grow in the
mummy’s tummy but how does it get in there?”
Shit, I need Alannah. I’m not equipped to answer this. What do I say? I
don’t think Alannah would want me lying to her and telling her outlandish
lies. Think Nicholas.
“Well… you’ll understand when you’re older but the mummy has a
special egg in her tummy and the daddy also has something special in his
body and when they’re put together it makes a baby.” She’s gives me a
funny look.
“Oh, but how?”
“The doctor helps them.”
“Oh, okay.” She appears as if she doesn’t quite believe me. “So if you
need both a dad and mum, now that you are here do I get to be a big sister
like Lizzie? Am I going to have a baby brother or sister?” I rub my hands
over my face.
“I don’t know, it’s not that easy and you’ll have to ask mummy, she’s
the one who has to grow the baby.”
“Good point. I’ll ask her tomorrow.” That was a close escape. I kiss her
goodnight and rush out of there before another question pops into her head.
CHAPTER 27
 A L A N NA H

I
soon.
’m in the kitchen frying Charlotte eggs for breakfast as she waits
seated at the breakfast bar colouring in. Nick went downstairs to the
gym for a run on the treadmill an hour ago and should be returning

Charlotte looks up and her head moves back and forth between the
frypan and me. She’s staring at my stomach strangely.
“Charlie, what are you looking at?”
“I’m just trying to figure out where your eggs are.”
“My what?” What on earth is she talking about?
“Your eggs. Daddy told me that mummies have eggs that they make
babies with, are they as big as a chicken’s egg, where do they come from?”
Nicholas Moore! What have you been telling this child?
I hear the door open and in walks the man himself. Overhearing his
daughter’s question he quickly spins around walking away. I’ll get to you
later mister.
“What else did he tell you?”
“Not much, I don’t think daddy knows where the baby comes from.” I
plate up her eggs and toast, placing them in front of her and take a seat next
to her.
“No, my eggs are really tiny and are in a part of my body called ovaries.
It’s a special part of the body that only girls have. You have them too, but
they don’t start doing anything until you became a teenager and when you
are old enough to understand I will explain exactly how they work. Okay?”
“Okay.” She shrugs dipping her toast into the yolk.
 “Why were you talking about babies?”
“I was asking daddy if I was going to be a big sister now like Lizzie.”
“Do you want to be a big sister?”
“Yes. I can help you look after it.”
“It’s not that simple sweetheart.”
“Why not?”
“Because first of all the daddy and mummy have to be in love and get
married.”
“So get married.” The love part she doesn’t even question.
“Oh, Charlotte, it’s not that easy.”
“Don’t you love daddy?”
“It’s not that, but remember we don’t live here, we live somewhere else
and married people need to live in the same house.”
“Let’s stay here then, please.” She pleads sounding like her father. Don’t
break my heart kiddo.
“Charlotte sometimes grown-ups need to make difficult decisions, think
about what’s best for their family because they have responsibilities, you
may not like it but it’s the right thing to do and for now we live in Perth.
One day we’ll be here with daddy forever and maybe have more babies but
for right now we have to go home in a few days. Mummy has to go back to
work and don’t you want to see your school friends and grandma.”
“But if we leave, daddy he will be all by himself.”
“He will come and visit us like he has before.”
“It’s not the same.” She pouts.
“Eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.” I put a stop to the conversation.
As much as she wants to stay here with Nick it’s too soon, we still have
so much to work out between us but we are getting there slowly.
I leave Charlotte eating and go in search of the man himself to find out
exactly what occurred last night. I knock on his bedroom door and push it
open. Sticking my head in I see him bent over his bed, he’s shirtless and his
hands are leaning on the mattress with his eyes squeezed shut in pain. I
quickly move across to him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, my back muscles are cramping, I’ll be fine in a minute.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” He shakes his head but I need to
try and do something. “Here turn around and sit on the bed.”
 I help him twist and lower his body, he lets out a little groan, before
climbing up on the bed behind him. I sit on my knees, my legs spread on
either side of his thighs. I’m up close with the long scars on his back and I
take a moment to really look at them. I use my index finger to trace one of
them from top to bottom. He always had a beautiful body and his back was
one body part of his I loved and that hasn’t changed, if anything I admire it
even more. It reflects his strength and determination. I let out a deep breath
and move my hands to his lower back and start to push and manipulate the
muscles beneath. His skin feels cold.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
“Does this happen often?”
“Not really but at times I feel it more in the cold weather or if I work
out too hard.” Five minutes later my fingers are beginning to hurt so I let
up. “Is that better?”
“Much, thank you.”
“We can reschedule tonight if you don’t feel up to it,” I let him know.
“No, we’re going,” he insists.
I rise up on my knees, kiss his shoulder blade and wrap my arms around
his neck.
“Do you want to tell me why Charlotte was asking about babies and my
eggs?” He chuckles.
“I guess after seeing the baby last night she started asking about being a
big sister and wanting to know how the baby got in the tummy. I wasn’t
sure what you would have liked me to tell her so I went the scientific route
and told her the mother has special eggs and that a doctor helps to put it in
there.”
“I should have been expecting some sort of questions from her. I hope
she didn’t cause you to panic too much, anyway I’ll let you shower.”

I’m almost ready for our second first date. I have butterflies in my
stomach. So much is riding on tonight going well. Nick and Charlie are
downstairs playing as I apply my makeup. She’s staying over at her
grandparent’s place tonight, giving us the entire evening on our own with
no need to rush back.
I think back to Charlotte’s words from this morning. It’s not that I
haven’t thought about staying here, however we have a life we need to get
back to, a house, my mother is there. My mother. She has done so much for
me these last few years when I have needed her the most. I never want to
have to run home again to have her look at me with sadness. I need to be a
hundred and ten percent certain before packing up and moving back
permanently.
I’m wearing the lace dress and shoes Nick gave me and chose white
lacy lingerie to wear underneath. I feel amazing, giving me a much needed
confidence boost. I need the two of us to take that last final step and sleep
together again. Sex was always a big part of our relationship and I need to
know we haven’t lost that connection with each other. I’m determined to
make it happen tonight.
Finally satisfied with my appearance I spray on my perfume, pick up
my bag off the bed and walk downstairs to find Charlie and Nick waiting
for me. The man looks delicious in a navy suit, white shirt and dark grey
tie. You’re mine tonight, Mr Moore.
“Mummy you look so pretty.” Charlotte hands me a bouquet of
colourful flowers.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
Nick places his arm around my waist pulling me into him. I’m hit with
the familiar smell of his cologne as he kisses me.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.” I blush.
We just dropped Charlotte off with her grandparents. This is her first
sleepover somewhere other than at home without me. I can’t help being
nervous.
“She’ll have fun with Mel and my mum. She won’t even miss us. They
will call if she needs us for any reason.”
“So we’re not going to have a repeat of our other first date disaster are
we?” I turn my head to view his profile.
“God don’t remind me, everything that could go wrong did. I’m
surprised I got you to go out with me again after that night.”
“It must have been your charm.”
 “Or you felt sorry for me.”
For our first date Nick had organised to take us out on Belle of the Sea
but a sudden storm had come in cancelling those plans while we were still
at the marina. Heading back to his car he stopped and turned to me
embarrassed, realising he had accidentally locked the keys in the car. As we
were walking towards shelter I slipped twisting my ankle. So now I was
soaking wet and injured. Nick had to carry me the rest of the way until we
reached under cover where he could finally make the phone call for road
side assistance. Luckily there was a vending machine, so we sat, talked and
ate chips and chocolate while we waited. When he asked me if I wanted to
go home when he had the keys back in his hand, I told him no.
“It certainly was memorable.” I laugh.
We arrive at Zimzala seafood restaurant and are led to a quiet corner
table by the window overlooking the beach and sea. The lit candles on the
table are reflecting the dancing flames off the glasses and silverware.
Instead of taking the seat opposite I take the chair to Nick’s left in order to
be closer to him. Our waiter comes along to take our order, we opt for the
seafood platter to share.
“Here we are.” Nicholas says as he looks at me intently.
“Here we are.” I repeat placing my hand on his thigh under the
tablecloth. After our wine has been poured Nick raises his glass making a
toast.
“To new beginnings.”
The conversation is flowing easily while we eat our mouth-watering
food. I keep finding ways to make contact with parts of his body like his
hand or cheek. I use the point of my shoe at one point to rub up and down
his calf. The heated looks I’m getting back tells me he knows exactly what
I’m up to but he doesn’t say anything. Half way through our meal he brings
up the topic of work.
“Would you ever go back to decorating?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“You know, Love Designs is still there. When you decide to move back,
if you want you can have your old position back.”
“Nick…” I sigh his name. Why is he doing this?
“No, just listen. I feel responsible for taking away that dream from you.
I know what working there meant to you.” It meant the world to me, I was
so happy going into work each day. I smile at him sadly.
 “I appreciate the gesture but I don’t expect you to do that for me. I
honestly don’t know what to say or think at the moment. If I choose to go
back one day, I want to do it on my own and not because my boyfriend
owns the company. I may even decide on a different company altogether.
Can we not discuss this until the time actually comes?”
“I can agree to that.”
“I have a question for you, something I’ve been wondering about.” It’s
been on my mind since this morning. I bite my lip. I can’t look him in the
eye as I ask this. Nick reaches up and pulls my lower lip free.
“Are you going to ask me?”
“Well…have you had your…procedure redone?” I ask pointing towards
his groin region.
“My vasectomy?” He clarifies and I nod.
“No. After I got my results all I could concentrate on was getting to
you, it didn’t even cross my mind, then I had my accident and was stuck in
the hospital with surgeries and rehab. Since I’ve been back in your life I
didn’t want to do anything before talking with you first. I learned my
lesson. I don’t know how you feel about wanting more children in the
future, if you even want to have them, there is still the risk I can pass my
condition on.” He takes hold of my hand on the table.
“I used to dream about having a large family. What about you?” I ask.
“I’m not going to lie, I would love to see you pregnant with our child. I
missed all of that the first time around. So yes, I wouldn’t say no to having
another one at some point in the future.”
“Okay, then. So maybe one more, one day. When the time is right
maybe we can talk to a doctor to see what all our options are.” We smile
shyly at each other and Nick leans over to kiss me.
“Since we’re getting into the hard hitting questions, why did you never
ask me for a DNA test after she was born?” I move back slightly giving
myself room to think.
“Honestly, I didn’t want anything from you. You broke me and I wasn’t
going to allow you to do that to my child. What if you found out that you
were indeed her father and still treated me like crap and wanted nothing to
do with us or tried to take her away? I wasn’t going to risk that. I was
afraid. What would I have told her when she was old enough to ask
questions? Sorry your father is a selfish asshole who doesn’t want you?
This may be hard for you to hear but it’s the truth. We’re not those people
anymore though.”
“No, we’re not.” I reach over to caress his cheek.
“Thank you for tonight. Now take me home, Mr Moore.”
In the elevator riding up to his penthouse Nick has me pinned against
the mirrored wall in the corner, his body pressed up against mine as ours
mouths devour each other. The doors open and we step out together, our
arms still entwined around each other, our lips not letting the other go as we
turn and lean on the wall next to the elevator doors.
“Make love to me.” I moan against his lips. He pulls his head back to
gaze at me. His eyes are burning with desire as I know mine are. I’m not
going to let him put a stop to it this time. “I want this, Nick. Don’t
overthink it. Go with what you’re feeling.”
Taking the lead, we enter the apartment and I take his hand in mine
pulling him towards his bedroom. He stops me by pulling me back and
spinning me around into his chest, his hands tangle into my hair kissing me,
our tongues fighting each other, the man can make me forget my own name
with the way he kisses. I feel his erection poking into my stomach, my
panties are saturated from the prolonged anticipation and need I have and in
this moment the rest of the world has disappeared.
His hands work their way down my back and to my ass kneading it over
my dress. I jump into his arms and toe my shoes off dropping them behind
me. They clatter and echo as they fall. He strides to his bedroom, kicks
open the door and leads us to the bed where he falls on top of me. I revel in
the feel of his weight on me.
“Are you sure?” He whispers kissing across my cheek to my earlobe
taking it into his mouth and sucking on it sending a jolt of pleasure right to
my core.
“Yes. I want you.” I pant. He presents me with his famous panty
disintegrating smile getting up from the bed to begin stripping out of his
clothes. I follow him up and take hold of both his hands to stop him. “Let
me.”
We stand there in the moonlight slowly and carefully undressing each
other as piece by piece of clothing falls into a pile on the floor beside us. As
we remove a piece of clothing from each other we kiss each new body part
we reveal until we are both standing naked. My body has certainly changed
after childbirth and this is the first time Nick is seeing me naked since then.
I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious about it. I think he senses my
discomfort and lifts my chin with his fingers.
“You’re more beautiful than I remember.” He tells me in awe after
running his eyes up and down the length of my nakedness. I’m not cold yet
I shiver from his words and fiery gaze. “You are perfect.”
Reaching for each other, our hands seek out the feel of the other. He
gently lifts me in his arms, laying me back onto the bed and finding his way
above me. Our mouths are massaging against the other, seeking, taking and
giving breath. I can still taste the flavour of the wine we had at dinner, the
kisses change from deep and long to short and sweet but we don’t let up, we
don’t lose the connection, not for one moment.
His hands are touching me everywhere he can reach, tracing and
worshipping. His head moves lower with his tongue tracing a path from my
neck to the swell of my breasts. He places kisses on top of each one before
capturing a nipple into his hot mouth, running his tongue around it in circles
then sucking it harshly as his fingers play with and tweak the other to not
feel neglected. I can’t help the moan I let out as I feel myself getting wetter
from my arousal.
“I love your breasts, baby.” I run my hands along the warm skin of his
hard chest and back familiarising myself with the muscles again as he
continues paying attention to my breasts. His heavy erection is lying across
my thigh, he is so close yet so far, I am desperate to have him inside me but
he’s taking his sweet time. I feel as if I am on fire and only he can put it out.
“I have dreamed about having you like this again for so long, baby.” His
voice is husky and full of desire.
“What have you dreamed about? What have you missed?”
“Kissing you, holding you in my arms, your breasts, the grip of your
legs around my back, the smell of your hair, the taste of your pussy as you
cum on my tongue and the way it grips my dick while you orgasm, waking
up to your warm caramel eyes in the morning, just fucking everything.”
With each statement he kisses his way lower down my body.
If I thought I was desperate before his words increased it tenfold.
My eyes are closed but I sense him shift toward the end of the bed
where my feet are. I feel his lips moving ever so slowly leaving tiny pecks
with his warm lips up my leg from my ankle to my inner thigh. When he’s
satisfied that he has paid attention to every part of my leg he then starts all
over again with the other.
 “You have the most incredible legs in the world. God, I have missed
feeling them clamped around me.”
He is getting closer to where I need him. I lift my hips up trying to give
him a hint and he takes it clamping onto my clit while his hands hold my
hips still.
“Yes!” Right there. I hold onto his hair with one hand while the other is
gripping onto the pillow under my head.
“You are so fucking sweet I could spend hours down here.” His breath
across my folds has me trembling in delight.
It’s an indescribable feeling, as if I’m floating, he is sucking and licking,
in a torturous rhythm pushing me higher and closer to the peak. He adds his
fingers entering and withdrawing in a punishing fashion. It doesn’t take
long at all for my toes to curl and get my legs shaking from his intimate
assault as I start to convulse screaming out his name. My core still
quivering as he withdraws his fingers and licks them with a satisfied grin.
Wow!
My turn to return the favour.
Nick stands and with a lot of effort I lift myself off my back onto my
knees on the bed in front of his hard dick which is sticking out proudly
before me. The head red and angry looking. I grip the base of his penis,
licking the pre-cum off the tip and around the head. I feel him twitch in my
hold. Bringing my mouth closer, I take in his distinct scent then take him all
the way into the back of my throat twirling my tongue around his length. He
groans out in satisfaction and as I bring my eyes up to his eyes his own are
closed, the pleasure evident on his face giving me a sense of power that I
can reduce this man to putty.
I find my rhythm taking him in and out, saliva dripping out and running
down my chin with my free hand paying attention to and massaging his
balls. I can sense he is getting close and he stops me, pulling away from
between my lips before he reaches the point of no return.
“No more, I need to be inside you.” I crawl backwards with Nick
settling between my legs once more when a thought hits me.
“Wait, condoms. I’m on the pill but we just need to be extra careful.
Please.” There is no way I’m risking what happened to us previously
happening again. At least not right now.
“I’ll be right back.”
 He kisses me and I get a taste of myself from his lips, I watch him head
into the bathroom. He comes back less than thirty seconds later with a strip
of condoms, finds his position on the bed again, quickly rips a packet open
rolling it on and settles down on top of me.
“Who do you belong to?” His tip is right at my entrance rubbing up and
down. I’m about ready to cry from my frustration, stop teasing me.
“You, I’m yours, only yours.” I cry out.
He thrusts forward plunging deeply into me and stills, his harsh breath
filling my ears as I adjust to the size of him, my vaginal muscles pulsing
around him.
“I’m home.” I think I hear him utter against my neck. He’s correct this
feels right and like coming home after so long. I wrap my legs around his
waist locking my feet on the small of his back as I bring my hands to his
butt urging him closer to me, not that he can possibly get any closer.
“Move, please move, take me.” I beg.
His body pulls back before pushing back in, over and over sending
signals of pleasure across every zone of my body. With my fingers digging
into his behind encouraging him I feel those muscles tense and release
while he thrusts. I whimper as he continues to claim me with his body,
making me his again.
One of his hands is holding onto the nape of my neck bringing my lips
to his where he takes a soul stealing kiss, the other on my ass lifting me a
little higher in order to allow him to hit that secret spot inside of me.
The heat is radiating off us, making little droplets of sweat run down my
back and the valley between my breasts as well as his face.
My eyes are shut to absorb all of the overwhelming sensations
happening to my body.
“Look at me.” He demands. I open my eyes and lock my caramel ones
with his stormy grey, seeing love and adoration in them.
He picks up speed, his movements becoming frantic and I meet him
thrust for thrust as we race to reach paradise. After months of anticipation,
waiting and nervousness of coming together again we reach that pinnacle of
heavenly release, the wave hitting us at the same time, it has my entire body
shuddering.
“Nick,” I whisper. The orgasm ripping through me from head to toes is
so strong and intense I have no ability to let out anything more than a
whisper of his name.
 “Lana.” He grunts as he spills his seed collapsing on me, pushing me
into the mattress.
We’re both breathing heavily coming back to earth, with Nick’s body
still intimately joined with mine, I place my hand on his cheek, rubbing his
scruffy growth looking deeply into his eyes. I can’t tear my gaze away from
him, this beautiful man who for months didn’t give up on me or us.
“I love you.” I decide to tell him. It seems like the perfect time to let
him know I’ve opened my heart back up to him.
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
We both have tears in our eyes. This is the moment where we have truly
come back together and become one again. I can’t describe the happiness
and completeness I am experiencing.
“I love you, too, so much.”
We capture each other’s mouths letting out years of pain and loneliness
and regret as our tongues caress each other. It’s time to let go of the past and
look towards our future. My heart is full, I no longer feel like I’m missing a
piece of me. My hands tightly hold onto his hair, my fingers caressing him
with our legs entwined. There is not a single inch of space between us.
“This is the last time I’m going to ever say this but now that we are
finally here again I’m so fucking sorry, Alannah.”
“I know, honey.”
“Honey?”
“Yeah, it’s new.”
“I like it.” After another kiss he goes into the bathroom to remove the
condom. I sit up in the bed pulling the sheet with me admiring has naked
back side as he moves.
“What are you thinking about?” He asks settling back in beside me
pulling me to his chest.
“How this is going to work. We live separate lives across the country
from each other. Tell me, are you expecting me to pack up and move back
immediately now? Charlie starts school next year, where is that going to be?
She can’t be flying back and forth constantly.”
“What if I move there with you for as long as it takes, not permanently
but perhaps for a week out of every month, I can work remotely via
teleconference and only fly back when absolutely necessary.” I start shaking
my head at him. “This is more important, I want to be with the two of you. I
don’t care where that is, unless you don’t want me there.”
“I can’t ask you to do that, and it’s not a matter of whether I want you
around or not, Nick.”
“You’re not, it’s my decision. This is what I want.”
“What happens if you resent me for it because that’s a real possibility?”
“That’s not going to happen. I’m willing to do all I can to have this
work, so are you, haven’t we proven that to each other already.”
“Yes.” I have to agree with him. He takes hold of me face within his
hands pulling me closer.
“We’ll just keep doing what we’re doing. The truth is I hate the thought
of being alone.”
“You’re not alone, you have Charlotte and I and your family.”
“But I am, you’re going to go home and I’ll be alone here.”
“Don’t guilt trip me, Nicholas that’s not fair. Now you sound like your
daughter.” I play with the edge of the sheet as I consider what I’m going to
say next. “I was thinking that, say if in six months’ time at the most I
think…if I feel it’s right, I’ll move back with Charlie. I never stopped
loving you, Nick, not deep down. All I ever dreamed about is what it would
be like if we were a family. Can you give me a few more months?”
“A few more months. I can do that and we already are a family.”
“Yes, we’re a family.” I agree with a smile.
CHAPTER 28
 N ICHOL A S

W aking up with Alannah in my arms feels as if I’m in a dream,

a recurring dream I have had for many years now but this
time it’s real. She’s really here in my bed, deliciously warm
and naked. Her scent is surrounding me, the heaviness of her arm over my
chest a comfort. A comfort I didn’t realise I had been missing so much, or
more like I wouldn’t allow myself to miss.
We made love several times last night making up for lost time. I
couldn’t get enough of seeing her sexy body bouncing on top of mine or
spread out beneath me, needing to feel and touch her everywhere, to
memorise our reunion. Looking at her sleeping form her lips are still
swollen from my kisses. I ghost my finger along her lower lip careful to not
wake her.
My mind drifts back to our night and dinner. It all went smoothly thank
goodness, I was nervous taking her on this date, so much was riding on it
going well however I had nothing to worry about and I’m happy we got the
chance to talk about things. It hurt to hear some of it but it needed to be said
and we are finally on the same page, where I have wanted us to be for so
long, gaining her trust and love back. I’m on cloud fucking nine.
Afterwards I loved that she took charge when we got back to the
apartment, if it was left up to me I would still be suffering blue balls and
jacking off in the shower. I was afraid to make the next move as much as I
wanted to, the fear of us taking one step forward two steps back forefront in
my brain but once again she surprised me.
 She loves me. I feel lighter than I have in a long time. I’m so happy this
morning I feel I could take on anything but have no desire to even leave this
bed and the woman next to me. Taking this next step was a big deal to
Alannah. I know that, as it was to me. From now on we only look forward
together. I will never make the same mistakes again. She is my soul mate, a
wonderful mother and truly amazing woman.
Now I just need to wait it out a few more months before I can finally
have them both home permanently. I should start looking into buying a
house, a place where will have a fresh start in but will speak to her first, I
don’t want her to feel I’m rushing her. Once I have them home I'm going to
turn my attention to making her Mrs Moore as soon as possible with a
brand new ring.
I wonder how Charlotte is doing this morning. I called my mother as we
left the restaurant last night to check on her and ease Alannah’s worry; she
was fine and watching a movie with lots of popcorn. It’s too quiet without
her here and I miss her but Alannah and I needed this time alone to re-
connect.
Alannah opens her eyes, so bright and warm, not a trace of the sadness I
have previously observed in them.
“Good morning.” She smiles. I run my finger down her cheek.
“It certainly is.”
“You seemed deep in thought.”
“I was. I was thinking now that I finally have you in my bed again
you’re going back to Perth soon. Expect a lot of phone sex until I get there.”
“I look forward to it.” She giggles. I roll over on top of her needing to
get closer.
“One day soon, when I wake up at three in the morning unable to sleep,
I will look next to me and you will be there, sleeping peacefully beside me
and suddenly the world won’t seem so lonely. I can’t wait until I can roll
over to find your lips instead of a text on my phone.” She kisses me, gently
and slowly, our legs and fingers entwined.
“Those are very sweet words. Soon, I promise.” He face is glowing and
radiating joy. The start of the rest of our lives together can’t come soon
enough.
“Come shower with me,” I say as I drag her up.
 Wade is driving us to my parent's house to pick up Charlotte. It’s
overcast but you get glimpses of the sun trying to break through the clouds.
I've been thinking about this since we were in the shower this morning and
think I'm ready, ready to unburden myself of everything to my family. If
this is the start of our proper second chance then I can't keep things from
anyone anymore. I turn to face Alannah in the back seat beside me and take
hold of her hand getting her attention. I clear my throat before talking.
"I want to tell my family about my accident today. I need you with me
when I tell them." She grips my hand that little bit tighter.
"You're sure? There’s no rush you know."
"I’m sure. I don't want to hide it anymore, I can't. I need to feel free
from this burden I've been hiding for so long. I can just imagine their
reactions but I need to do it and I don't want to wait any longer."
"Okay then. I'll be right there with you."
We arrive at my folks place to find my parents outside playing ball with
Charlie and Lizzie in the yard. My mother spots us walking in hand in hand
first and comes over to greet us.
"Hello, dears. How was dinner?" She asks with kisses to our cheeks.
I look over to Alannah who blushes. "It was great. Thanks for looking
after Charlie."
"It was my pleasure, she was wonderful and we had fun. Are you
staying for lunch, Flynn is on his way to pick up Lizzie and should be here
shortly. I thought Charlie would enjoy the company. "
"Sounds great but actually, I want to talk to you and dad about
something later. It's important." I guess the tone of my voice puts her on
edge.
"Is everything alright, Nicholas?"
"Yes, I just need to explain some things to you all." Before she can
question me further Charlie runs up to us, her hair flying out behind her.
“Mummy! Daddy!” I collect her and bring her up into my arms.
“Hey, princess. What have you been up to?”
“We had hot dogs for dinner and watched Cinderella but grandpa fell
asleep, then Aunt Mel braided my hair and we got to sleep in her room in
her big bed together.” She’s talking a mile a minute with a massive grin.
“Wow. Sounds like you had a fantastic time.” Charlotte reaches over for
her mother and moves from me to Alannah to give her a great big hug.

After lunch we're all still seated at the small wooden table in the kitchen
with Alannah beside me. I hold onto her hand to get me through this. Why
am I so nervous? I understand they’re going to be disappointed and angry
but that doesn’t stop my stomach making me feel sick. Mel is seated on my
other side with Flynn and my parents opposite. I asked him to stay when he
came to pick up Lizzie, otherwise I would have had to have this
conversation for a third time. They all gaze at me expectantly.
Both Charlie and Lizzie have been set up in the TV room to be kept
occupied while we talk. The last thing I want is the girls seeing anyone
upset.
"Okay, so, we're all here. What do you need to speak to us about?" My
father asks.
“So, Alannah and I are trying again and we, or more so, I don't want any
more secrets. They’ve hurt our family enough. I've already told Alannah
what I'm about to tell you because I needed her to know and understand, I
just hope you don't want to kill me afterwards."
My mother can’t hide her grin at the news that we’re back together.
"Why, are you hiding another kid?" Flynn half jokes.
"No, asshole."
"Enough, Nicholas just tell us because all sorts of things are running
through our minds. Are you sick?" My mother interjects.
Alannah rubs my arm telling me to relax, breathe and just start talking.
"I need to tell you about those couple of years that I was in London and
didn't come home at all. Besides Alannah the only other two people who
knew what had happened and why I was there were Wade and Rick and I
made them swear to not tell anyone. The truth is I wasn’t too busy with the
London office as I told you, yes, I did fly over there for that reason but I
was preparing to come back home, to get to Alannah when I had an
accident."
“What do you mean an accident? What kind of accident?”
Here goes nothing.
I spend the next hour explaining everything to my family about the
accident, my hospital stay, how Rick and Wade helped me and how my
recovery went until the day I got back home.
“The thing getting me through it all was knowing that in the end I
would be able to get to Alannah and our baby.” I hear sniffling beside me
and I turn to wipe Alannah’s tears away from her face.
“Don’t cry, baby.” Even though she knows the story it can’t be easy
hearing it again.
Looks of disbelief are being directed my way before they all start
talking and shouting at once. After a couple of minutes my mother and
sister as expected are upset and crying, my father is rubbing his face while
Flynn has a blank stare on his face.
Mel launches herself at me her arms latching onto my neck. “You could
have been killed,” she sniffles into my neck.
“I know, Mel but I wasn’t.”
"Oh my God, Nicholas, why would you keep something like that to
yourself? Do you not know we would have been there to help and support
you? I feel as if we have failed you, that you believed yourself better off
alone.” My father slams the table in anger.
“Please don’t blame yourselves, I deserve the blame, it was my decision
after all. A stupid decision but mine all the same. ”
"You stupid son of a bitch." Flynn shakes his head at me.
"I'm really sorry but at the time I was angry and thought it was for the
best. I didn’t want anybody’s pity, I can see now how wrong of me it was,
but I don't want you to think that I didn't care about you all because that's
not true. I love all of you. In a way I was trying to spare you the heartache
of seeing me broken and stuck in a bed like that. Then as I was getting
better I figured what would be the point in upsetting you all but I realise
that you deserve to know.”
"I understand you all being upset, I was too when he told me. I kept
thinking at the time what if he hadn’t been so lucky to survive it and how
selfish of him it was. He never meant to upset anybody, you all know
Nicholas refuses to show any type of weakness or ask for help. I know he
loves you all and deep down he has a good heart, even if he attempts to hide
it. He was afraid and the fear of not being perfect kept him isolated when he
didn’t have to be and pushing people away because the alternative would
have been too hard for him. He has proved to me that he has matured and
grown and the fact that he is here today revealing it, willing to take your
anger shows that.” Alannah speaks up, supporting me. I kiss her in
gratitude.
"I didn’t want it weighing on my conscious anymore. Each time I
looked at you I felt terrible for keeping you all in the dark, Alannah made
me see I had to tell you so we can be a family that is whole, I'm hoping you
can forgive me and we can all move on." I quietly say avoiding eye contact
with my family. The conversation we had on the plane ride over coming to
mind. She was right about everything.
"Why did you wait so long to tell us?" My father frowns at me.
"I wanted Alannah to be the first to know, to know why it took me so
long to get in contact with her.”
“Is there anything else?” He grumbles.
“No I swear that’s it.” My parents come around the table to hug me.
“As mad as I am at you I’m just happy you’re here with us, however we
will talk more about this later.” My mother tells me.
“I’m sorry.” I repeat.
She turns away from me to take Alannah into her arms next whispering
something in her ear. I can’t hear whatever it is she says but it must be
meaningful because Alannah nods as her eyes become glassy with unshed
tears.
“I need to get back to Kaylee and the baby.” Flynn leaves the room to
go get his daughter. I follow my best friend to the front door.
“Wait, Flynn, are we good?”
“We will be. Just give me a day or two to process all this. Why didn’t
you tell me this when we went out that night?”
“I wasn’t ready.”
“For a smart gut you really do some stupid shit.” He’s not wrong there.
 I carry Charlotte out to the car with Alannah trailing behind as we
finally leave my parent’s house. I feel so emotionally drained. I would love
nothing more than to go back to the apartment and sleep, except I had
promised Charlotte that we would take her to the aquarium when we picked
her up today and I don’t want to let her down so we make our way over.
Walking around under the glass domes filled with water and every type
and colour of fish you can imagine I follow my two girls quietly but
Alannah doesn’t push me, knowing I need time and space to process it all.
My family have always supported me, they took the news better than I
expected them to but that still doesn’t take away the hurt and sadness I saw
in their eyes, that I caused once again. Although silently suffering with my
own guilt now isn’t going to solve anything. I’m going to put it out of my
mind for now and enjoy my day out with my family. There will be plenty of
time to dwell on it later.
Alannah and Charlotte are inspecting one of the displays of coral. I
stand behind them wrapping them both in my arms. Alannah turns to face
me, smiling and planting a kiss on my cheek.
“All good?”
“Yeah.” For the first time I can honestly say that everything is good,
fantastic, almost perfect even.
Charlotte has her little check-sheet and makes sure to tick off all the
creatures we come across, she is absolutely fascinated so it makes it all
worthwhile.
As we leave the aquarium in the early evening we get bombarded by a
dozen paparazzi outside who were waiting for us to exit the building. Their
bright flashes of light and shouting scare Charlie who is walking beside me.
“Daddy!” She cries out.
I pick her up to shield her as best I can with Wade pushing and shoving
them out of the way in front of me. I can feel her crying into my neck.
"You pricks, can’t you see you’re scaring a child.” Wade yells at them.
Idiotic questions that will go unanswered are being thrown at us
constantly.
“Who is she? Is she your daughter?”
“What’s her name?”
“Are you back together?”
“Where have you been, Alannah, were you keeping the child a secret?”
“Will you be getting married?”
 I turn my head to see behind me and make sure Alannah is okay and
still close by. Her hand is gripping onto the back of my shirt. I lead her as
fast as possible through the throng of them to the car. Her hand is raised to
block her face from the blinding lights.
We dive into the back seat of the car and speed away, hopefully running
over one or two of them. We calm Charlie down, wiping the tears away
from her frightened little eyes.
“I’m sorry they scared you, they’re gone and won’t bother you again.
Daddy will make sure of it.”
“Are you okay?” I ask Alannah.
“I’m fine, just surprised.”
Shit! Fuck! How did they know we were here?
“I can’t believe this.” I’m fuming. “Wade, how did this happen?”
“No idea, Sir, there were no Google alerts about you today that I’m
aware of. I’ll look into it.”
“We couldn’t hide it forever,” Alannah states.
No, but I thought we would have had more time to shield our
relationship and Charlotte from the public.
Now we need to go into damage control before wild stories are made
up.
CHAPTER 29
 A L A N NA H

3 Months Later

I t’s been three months since I returned home after spending Christmas
with Nick and his family. I’ve tried to keep busy with work and
Charlotte, but most of the time Nick is not far from my mind. He
couldn’t come stay with us as he originally planned for almost a month after
we left due to a couple of important deals blowing up at the start of the new
year. He was pissed off and moody. He kept complaining about how far
away we felt from him. Needless to say there were a lot of Skype sex
sessions during that time to not only keep him calm but to also keep our
rekindled connection growing and strong.
I took Charlotte to a carnival the second weekend after we came home
and Nick had a fit which I’m certain was heard across the country. It was
over the fact that Henry just happened to also be there with his son and the
four of us rode the Ferris Wheel because the kids begged to ride it together.
It was completely innocent but Mr Overreact with Jealousy, had to act like a
big baby over it. I groaned when I overheard Charlie telling him about it on
the phone knowing what was coming. I managed to get him smiling with
the promise that he could spank me when he did get here. Was that a
memorable night!
While I was still in Sydney, Charlotte and I visited Nick at work where I
ran into Rick. It was great seeing him and catching up. He told me how
much happier he is to be working with a happy Nicholas than an angry and
miserable one. While Nick was busy showing Charlotte around the building
he confided in me about the time when Nick was injured in London and
how afraid he was that something would go wrong with the company or that
he wouldn’t recover and never be interested in getting back to work
himself. I thanked him for being a wonderful and true friend to him, which
is more than he deserved. When he finally met Charlotte he understood all
the back and forth flying Nick has been doing for so long now and how
hard it must be to stay away.
The continuous travel is not ideal but we do what we need to make it
work. Charlie and I have flown back to Sydney once a month for the
weekend these last three months and it gets harder to leave each time. We’re
almost there.
Three more months.
Ninety days.
The night before I flew back home Nick and I approved the statement
that was to be given to the media. His head of PR and marketing at Moore
& Morgan was going to release it as soon as Charlie and I were in the air. It
simply said ‘Ms Alannah Stewart and Mr Nicholas Moore are in fact dating
again and have been for some months now. They confirm that they share a
five year old daughter whom Mr Moore has always known about. Please
respect their privacy and that of their daughter's allowing them to raise her
outside the spotlight of the media.’ I’m thankful at least that luckily the day
at the aquarium there were no clear shots of Charlie’s face taken.
Then we argued about security and how he wanted me to have it with
me back home.
“You'll need security with you or at least for Charlotte when you go
back.” He basically orders.
“What? Why?” I frown at him.
“Because the press have been all over us with speculation and
tomorrow when the statement is given out about our relationship they won’t
completely go away.”
“But we're going home, they don’t know where we live to find and
bother us. We'll be fine, Nick.”
“For now they don’t, but how long do you think before someone spots
you and lets the cat out of the bag.”
“This is ridiculous.” I throw my hands up in the air.
“No this is your and our child's safety.”
 In the end I relented, so now I have a new guard named Mark who is not
easily recognisable as working for Nicholas Moore sitting outside Charlie’s
school for hours on end just in case. The poor guy is most probably bored
out of his mind while he's there plus I have to call him whenever we leave
the house to escort us to places like the supermarket when grocery
shopping. I understand why Nick wants him around to protect us and it
gives him peace of mind but there is hardly any danger here. I thought I
wouldn’t have to deal with having security again until I moved back to
Sydney permanently where it’s all part and parcel of dating Nicholas
Moore, young millionaire. I know I really shouldn’t be complaining, it’s
because he loves us after all, I’m just missing him. It’s been two weeks
since I last saw him.
I'm seated at a small table at the cafe across the street from work for
lunch waiting for my mother to join me. Since Charlie started school last
month, they don’t have their Fridays together and I don’t see her as much
either. Checking the time on my phone, I then open my messages to read
the last one Nick sent last night. My brain is stuck on those words,
replaying them over and over. “When I close my eyes I see you, when I open
my eyes I miss you.” His words had me crying. It's exactly how I’m feeling
too. Do we really need to wait a few more months? I can end this torture
with one word for us both. He is due to come stay next week, maybe we can
talk about what our next step is from here sooner.
I must have been so lost in my thoughts I didn't even hear or see my
mother sit down until she speaks startling me.
"You seem deep in thought." She smiles.
"Sorry, I was. Hi."
"Let me guess. Nicholas."
"Yes." I nod taking a sip of my water.
"What’s wrong? I thought things were going well and yet you're sitting
here looking anything but happy."
"No, no, I mean things are great with us, it's just, after Christmas I told
him if things went well for the next six months then I would move back to
Sydney. We're already halfway there and I'm trying to decide what to do."
"Are you having doubts?"
"No, not doubts but, I miss him and Charlotte misses him and I was
thinking perhaps there's no need to make us all drag this out for another
three months but then I think about you, how I'll be leaving you and it's
upsetting. You have been my rock since I had Charlotte. We made a home
here and I don't know what I would have done without you. I know I'm a
grown woman and a mother myself but I still need you." She reaches across
the table taking my hand in hers.
"I love you, Alannah, and Charlotte, and I would do anything for the
two of you but right now you're talking crap. Don't hide behind me, using
me as an excuse because you're afraid that once you go back that your
relationship may not survive. Your future is with that man in Sydney and
you know it. I have no doubts that it will all work out. Don't worry about
me, I can take care of myself. I will come visit often and who knows maybe
one day Pat and I may decide to move closer to you. This is your life to
live. Take your chance to be happy sweetheart."
CHAPTER 30
 N ICHOL A S

I t took Wade less than two hours to find out who leaked our
whereabouts to the paps. It turns out they received a tip off over the
phone by an ex-employee who also happened to be attending the
aquarium that day with us. He sold us out for ten thousand dollars, but I’ve
ensured he’s never getting his hands on that cash. Perhaps if he did his job
instead of taking extra-long lunches and delegating everything to his staff,
his department may not have lost me a three million dollar contract. That
evening when I was tucking Charlotte into bed she asked why those people
were taking our photo. How do you explain to a child that people are
interested in your life just because you have a lot of money? Instead I
explained it the best I could saying that some people know who daddy is
because of my job, a bit like a movie star or singer. Her response of “Oh,
like Justin Bieber,” had me rolling my eyes. I have noticed some
photographers following me around every few days when I’m in the city
hoping for another glimpse of Alannah and Charlotte. Good luck with that,
assholes.
The day Alannah and Charlie left I put off going back to an empty
apartment so I went to visit Flynn. Alannah had bought something for the
baby so I was going to drop it off as an excuse for the company. Flynn and I
sat in his backyard with a couple of beers and talked where he gave me a
whole lecture.
“I was more upset that day than I let on. When we were younger do you
remember I would bail you out of trouble and cover for you whenever you
got into fights. I was there to protect you whether you wanted me to or not.
When you really needed me I wasn’t there, you didn’t turn to me. That shit
fucking hurts, Nick. Forget your parents, you didn’t want to tell them I don’t
give a shit but you could have called me.”
“I couldn’t, not after everything that happened with Alannah and how I
behaved and there's no way you would have kept something like that from
them.”
“Maybe, but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re meant
to be able to come to me when you're in trouble. I know things were
strained between us but I would have been there.”
“I appreciate that, Flynn and again I apologise.”
“Yeah well, you finally got your head out your ass and got your family
back so you’re forgiven I guess.”
I have seen more of my friend and family in the last couple of months
since Christmas than I had in years. My parents came to visit me at work.
Once we sat down they told me that they have had more time to think about
the news I dropped on them, that they haven’t been able to sleep without
imagining me laying broken on the road. I knew they initially took the news
too well when I told them about my accident. The last thing I wanted was to
put those pictures in their heads or make my mother cry. I wanted to spare
them that, but as a father myself I realise you will always worry about your
child no matter what.
“Did we fail you in any way? Make you believe you couldn’t count on
us? Did you hate us?”
“No, Mum, please it was nothing like that, nothing you did or didn’t do,
it was me, all me, I was being a selfish prick, it’s as simple as that. I was
hurting and angry and felt like wallowing on my own.” I get up from my
chair to hug her.
"You're not alone, you never were and you never will be. Sometimes you
get me so mad, Nicholas I want to smack you. I know the situation with
Alannah back then tore our family apart but I don't know, I really don't
know what to say." She shakes her head.
“You don’t have to say anything. Look, if it will make you feel better
then go ahead and smack me.” I joke lightening the mood getting a smile
from her.
Hopefully after our lengthy and honest conversation that day they will
let go of the guilt and look towards the future like I am.
 I managed to finish up earlier than anticipated yesterday so here I am
back in Perth on a Friday afternoon where I'll be staying for the next week.
We’re halfway through Alannah's timeframe before she makes the move
home. I try to not let myself get excited however with every week that
passes, that’s a week closer to having them where they belong. Only three
more months. We’ll get there. I’m not going to lie to myself, it’s been
difficult, especially at night when I’ve been away from them. Not only am I
missing them but I have this crazy fear that I’m missing too much time with
Charlotte and seeing her grow, I’ve missed enough time as it is. I know if I
told Alannah she would understand, but then feel guilty about it and that’s
the last thing I want.
I spoke to Alannah before taking off letting her know I’d be here this
afternoon instead of tomorrow morning and that I'd go pick up Charlie from
school and surprise her. I also called their security and advised him he can
take the rest of the day off.
At three on the dot I park my rental car in the car park and notice the
kids are slowly being let out to be collected while their teachers keep an eye
out.
Charlotte is standing with one of her teachers looking around for
Alannah with her little bag on her back when she turns her head to the left
and sees me. She lets out a cheer of excitement and begins to run towards
me, her brown hair flying behind her.
As I make my way to her I see a car reversing out of its spot not too far
ahead in the direction where Charlie is running. They’re coming out too
fast.
“CHARLOTTE STOP!” I scream but it’s no use, she keeps on running.
My heart is about ready to jump out of my chest, the fear causing it to
beat uncontrollably fast.
I see it all unfold before my eyes. I run, I run as fast as I can to get to
her, to move her out of the way, but I’m too late. The back of the car hits
her and her little body sprawls to the ground on the concrete. The sound of
the impact will be with me forever.
“NO!” I yell as tears fall down my face.
CHAPTER 31
 N ICHOL A S

I fall to my knees on the ground beside my daughter, hovering over her

small body while my eyes are darting in all directions at once
checking her for injuries.
“No, no, no. God, Charlie.” I’m sobbing. My vision has become blurry
from my tears. With a shaking hand I gently brush her hair off her face.
She’s laying there unmoving with blood running down her face from her
head and I fear the worst. Is this my punishment? Is karma getting me back
for what I did to Alannah and for not being here for them?
The fucking idiot driver gets out of their car and comes around to where
I am. She’s shaken and continuously apologising as she wrings her hands.
Under other circumstances I would be empathetic to the shock of having hit
a child but in this moment I could care less how they’re feeling, all I care
about is my daughter.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see her behind me.”
“Well maybe you should pay more attention,” I yell at her. “Who the
hell reverses so fast?”
By this stage other parents and teachers surround us asking if we need
help or if she’s okay. Her little school friends who witnessed it are crying by
their parent’s side. Does she look okay to you morons?
“Call an ambulance!” I shout.
I pick her up and stand, cradling her close to my chest in my arms. I lay
her head on my shoulder then move my ear to her face to check if she’s
breathing. Her little breaths are the greatest sound in the world to me. I
stand there praying until I hear the sirens a few minutes later then rush over
to where the paramedics have stopped.
I hand her over to them, following the gurney into the back of the
ambulance and beg them to take care of her as I hold her little hand in mine.
Don't worry Charlotte, daddy isn't going anywhere.
With my free hand I pull my phone out from my pocket to call Alannah
so she can meet us at the hospital as I beg them to get us there faster. How
do I tell her? No parent wants to ever receive a call like this, hearing your
child has been in an accident and could be seriously injured.
It rings three times before I hear her sweet voice.
“Hey, I’m on my way home, where are you guys?” She sounds so
cheerful and I'm about to ruin that.
“Alannah, you need to get to the hospital right away.” I manage to
choke out.
“What? Why? What’s going on? What's happened? You’re scaring me.”
She begins to panic. Through tears blocking my throat I somehow tell her
our daughter has been hit by a car and how it happened. It's my fault.
“It happened so fast. I tried to get to her. I don’t know if she's okay, she
hasn't opened her eyes." I use the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my eyes,
"We're in the ambulance now.”
"You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking, Nicholas." She
begins to cry in my ear.
“Alannah, you’re driving. I need you to try calm down, baby. We don’t
want another accident. Please, drive safely and I’ll see you soon. She’ll be
fine, I'm right here with her. I love you.” She has to be fine.
“Okay, I’ll get there as fast as I can.”
Please be okay baby girl.
CHAPTER 32
 A L A N NA H

I run into the hospital through the sliding doors so fast I almost trip
over. I'm so out of breath you would think I've just run a marathon.
With wide eyes I search the busy area to find Nick standing in a
corner looking distraught. He is running his hands through his hair but what
catches my eye is the blood on the shoulder of his blue shirt. Our little girl's
blood.
“Where is she? Where’s my daughter?” I take told of the front of his
shirt shaking him as I speak once I've reached him.
Panic and fear has had hold of me since I got his phone call and I’m
afraid to know the answer, afraid to look into his eyes in case it’s bad news
so I stare at the buttons at his throat instead. He wraps his arms around me
and we hold each other for a moment, each of us drawing strength from the
other.
“She’s upstairs with the doctors being seen to. They told me it looked
like her arm is broken from the way she fell on it, they didn’t seem too
worried but she also hit her head and I haven’t spoken to anyone else yet.”
With his arm around my shoulders he leads me to the elevator and up to
the second floor where Charlotte is. We sit and wait for the doctor to come
back out and tell us that she is okay and that we can see her.
We ask the nurse at the desk about our daughter but she’s no help at all,
all she tells us is that the doctor will be out soon. I swear I want to jump
over that counter and smack her. This is my child who's hurt, how long am I
expected to wait for answers.
 Ten minutes later the doctor and nurse are still with Charlotte and Nick
is pacing the corridor up and down in front of me. As I sit on these horrible
uncomfortable plastic chairs, I bow my head praying that my little girl will
be okay. I watch his feet moving before me back and forth in my line of
vision on the ugly green linoleum floor putting me in a strange trance. I feel
numb, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel I just want to see and hold
my daughter. I can hear him mumbling to himself as he continues his
pacing.
“If only I had gotten there a few minutes earlier, then she never would
have run to me like that.”
I stand up and step in front of him to stop his pacing but at the moment
his back is to me.
“I know you’re worried and angry, but it was an accident. Don't blame
yourself. You didn't know she would run off like that away from her
teacher. ” He spins around so fast with a look of anger on his face and
points his finger at me.
“An accident? An accident that could have been avoided. I have been
doing everything your way to make you happy. This never would have
happened back in Sydney. I should have just made your ass come home
months ago. She would have been safe there with security, at home with
you or even at the day care centre at Moore & Morgan where she wouldn’t
have to run across a fucking car park. I have only been in her life for less
than a year and the moment I saw that car strike her all I could think is that
that was all the time I would have with her. I'm so sick and tired of this back
and forth bullshit.”
My heart plummets into my stomach. I can’t argue. Everything he said
is true. His words strike me like an arrow to the heart.
Just then the door opens and the doctor comes out smiling, with his
outburst forgotten Nick takes my hand and we rush over to him.

Nicholas and I are sitting on opposite sides of Charlotte’s hospital bed.

My baby girl is asleep but she’s fine. Tears of relief have been falling every
now and then as I look at her and think of how much worse it could have
been if that car was going any faster. She has a broken left arm which is in a
cast where she fell on it awkwardly, a small cut to the head where she hit
the ground, most possibly on a rock which required a couple of small
stitches and some grazes and bruising on her cheek.
She starts to move around groaning in pain. When she fully wakes,
opening her eyes, she starts crying upon seeing me.
“Mummy.”
“Don’t cry sweetheart. You’re fine.” I kiss her forehead while wiping
her tears away.
“My arm hurts.” She looks down at her cast.
“I know. It’s broken. You had an accident at school when daddy came to
pick you up but it will heal and the cast will come off and you’ll be good as
new in no time. I’ll get you some medicine for the pain, okay. In the
meantime maybe we can decorate it with some colourful drawings or
flowers to make it look pretty. What do you say?”
“I guess.” She sounds so down my heart aches.
I look over at Nick who has barely said a word since we came into the
room. His eyes are glued on to Charlotte with a sad smile. As I open my
mouth to say something Charlie’s doctor comes in to check on his patient. I
step away to speak with him leaving Nick with Charlie across the room.
He tells us we will be able to take her home tomorrow morning and to
keep an eye out for any dizziness. I thank him as he leaves turning to
observe my daughter with her father. He has her smiling and giggling which
warms my heart.
Not a minute after the doctor leaves my mother shows up carrying two
cups of coffee and tea in a tray and a teddy bear with a pink balloon tied to
it.
“Hi darling. How is she?” She asks handing one of the cups to me.
“Fine, just a little banged up. I was so scared, Mum. I never want to feel
like that again.” She places her hand on my cheek.
“I know you were.” Her eyes tell me she understands. She walks over to
Nick giving him the other cup. “Here, I thought you could use this, the
cafeteria stuff is awful.”
“Thank you, Gina.”
She leans over to give Charlotte a kiss and the teddy bear.
“And what trouble have you caused today young lady?” She jokes.
 “Nothing.” Charlie laughs hugging the bear with her good arm.
“Okay, Pat is parking the car, now that I’m here go home, have a
shower.” She points to Nick whose shirt has dried blood over it. “Change,
have something to eat then come back.” We try to argue with her but she’s
not having it so we thank her and make our way to my car after promising
Charlotte we’ll be back very soon.
The drive home is quiet and tense. Nick hasn’t said a word the entire
time and I don’t know if he’s angry with me or blaming himself. When we
get home he opens the front door, heading straight to the shower leaving me
behind. With a sigh I close the door and slowly follow him to the bedroom
where and I sit on the edge of my bed, cover my face and sob while
listening to the water running in the bathroom.
I have no idea how long I’ve been crying for until I feel Nick’s arms
around me pulling me onto his lap. His chest is still wet from the shower
soaking my clothes. I bury my face into his neck taking in his comforting
scent.
“Baby what’s wrong, why are you crying?” He asks worriedly.
“I was watching the two of you and despite everything we went through
I’m so glad you’re her father. You made her smile. I love how loving, caring
and protective you are of her, of both of us. She’s strong and determined
just like you.”
“And you.” He tells me.
I pull back to be able to see his face.
“You must hate me. Everything you said at the hospital is true.”
“Oh, Alannah, I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I was just
upset.” He places a soft kiss on my lips.
“You’re right though. I haven’t been very fair to you but I do love you.
So much. Take me home.” He looks at me as if I’m crazy, not
understanding.
“You are home?” He questions.
“No, I mean take me home to Sydney. Now.”
“What?” I think I shocked him.
“I mean it, no more waiting, I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“We’re doing this? You’re a hundred percent sure?”
“I’m a thousand percent sure.” I give him a massive grin.
I don’t believe I have ever seen a larger smile than the one I get back in
response. His whole face and eyes have lit up. I observe so much love being
reflected back at me I need to swallow the lump of emotion in my throat.
His warm hands caress my cheeks. One of this thumbs running across my
lower lip.
"Oh, Lana.” Kiss. “You have just made me so fucking happy."
Taking me by surprise he pushes me down on the mattress, I squeal and
start laughing but quickly stop when he covers my body with his naked one,
his mouth captures mine, his tongue immediately darting out and seeking
entrance which I gladly and willingly give.
I run my hands along his muscular back, reaching down I rip the towel
off his waist throwing it across the room.
In less than ten seconds he has me completely naked, I think I heard
something tear and then he’s thrusting and pushing his way into my body,
trying to get as deep as he can, my head and back arching back as pleasure
shoots throughout both our bodies.
“I need you.” He groans as I feel him pull out before slamming back in.
All the worry and stress of the last few hours have had our emotions all
over the place, we need this life affirming connection with each other.
“Please, Nick.” I need more. I need to feel him everywhere, to consume
me.
“I love you.” He pants across my throat.
“I love you.”
I have a tight grip on his biceps grounding myself to him as I match his
movements, our eyes locked on each other communicating so much without
words. His thrusts start off wild, his hips crashing into mine hard and fast as
he takes me, in and out hitting the magic spot within. Using his hand he lifts
my knee, hooking my leg across his hip and lower back giving him greater
access to move more freely and deeper yet.
Grabbing the back of his head I pull his face to mine kissing him deeply
and pouring all my love for him into it. It’s passionate and needy. With our
tongues duelling he slows down, prolonging our lovemaking, barely
moving and giving me the friction I need. I groan in frustration.
"Please!" I beg, I need to cum, I'm so close.
He rises up on his knees, pulling my hips up with him then speeds up
once more, in and about with a punishing rhythm, I feel him grow even
thicker telling me he's close too along with his heavy panting and grunts.
His hand comes between us where his fingers plays with my clit pushing
me closer to the edge and as soon as his teeth take a hold of my nipple and
bite down I'm gone, I’m flying as immense blissful pleasure shoots out
from my core causing me to forget where I am for a brief moment.
"You feel so fucking amazing, all I need is you, baby," he grits out
through his teeth.
We both climax, exploding at the same time, calling out garbled
versions of each other's names. My body has a tight hold of him inside me
continuing to squeeze him not wanting to release him just yet. We continue
to kiss gently, getting our breathing under control as he softens and slips out
of my body.
Lying spent in his arms, my head on his chest I listen to his steady
heartbeat while he plays with my hair. Looking around my bedroom I’m
going to miss this place but I’m going where I’m meant to be, where I’ve
always belonged and where my heart was left behind.
“Come on, let’s eat and get back to our daughter.” Nick says with a kiss
to my head as he gets up from the bed.
CHAPTER 33
 A L A N NA H

T hree weeks have passed since Charlotte’s accident and the

scariest day of my life. Nick has been here with us the whole
time refusing to leave without us again, not now that we’re
returning with him. Charlie is her usual happy self and there seem to be no
lasting effects. The stitches in her head were removed yesterday and the
graze on her cheek is all but healed. We kept her home for the first week
from school since Nick was here to look after her while I was at work and I
felt better knowing she was at home with him in case anything happened.
The best part has been having him in my bed, cuddled around me,
feeling content and safe under the covers without having to think about him
leaving and counting down the days of when the three of us will be together
again. If I’m honest with myself, each time he got on that plane I had a fear
that something might go wrong and he won’t make it here or back home,
however I won’t need to worry about that again, at least not until he needs
to take a business trip somewhere.
We sat down and talked after Charlie was in bed the day we brought her
home from the hospital about getting us all back in Sydney and how quickly
it can be done. If Nick had it his way, we would have left the very next day.
Only one more week left and we’ll be locking up this house and moving our
lives to the other side of the country.
When we told Charlotte that we’re moving back to Sydney with daddy
for good, no more leaving and traveling, she stared at us with her big wide
grey eyes, not moving, I think we may have shocked her or she didn’t quite
believe us. Once the news sunk in she let out a loud screech which I think
was supposed to sound like the word ‘yes’. She hugged us both so tightly
around the neck then rushed into her room and started packing her dolls one
handed into her back pack.
Going into work on the Monday after Charlie’s accident and knowing
that I was about to resign had my stomach tied up in knots. John has been
so good to me and I feel terrible leaving him so suddenly with less than a
month’s notice. I recall my hands shaking as I knocked on his door first
thing in the morning, no point in putting it off and working myself up even
more.
“Morning, Alannah.” He greets me happily looking up from his
computer screen.
“Morning, John. Can I talk to you for a minute?” I sit in the chair in
front of his desk.
“Certainly, what’s on your mind?”
“This is really difficult for me to say because we have become friends
outside the office. I have enjoyed working here with you and appreciated
the chance you took on me when you hired me but I have decided to move
back to Sydney. I’ll be leaving in three weeks’ time. I know it’s short notice,
I’m sorry but I’ll help you try and find a replacement for me.” He looks at
me with a kind smile.
“It was bound to happen eventually. Don’t feel bad about it, Alannah I
knew this day was going to come sooner or later when I learned who your
ex and Charlotte’s father is. Who keeps Nicholas Moore waiting?” He
jokes. Well, me apparently. “You have truly been an asset to me, and I know
my wife and the girls will miss the two of you. Keep in touch.”
“Thank you and we will. We’ll be back to visit my mother often so
perhaps we can organise for the girls to have a play date and catch up.”
Most of the large and important things have been sorted out. I’m going
to keep the house, considering that Nick bought it and we will be coming
back to visit my mother, it gives us a place to stay, Nick has already looked
into a company to maintain its upkeep while it sits empty. It would have
hurt to let the house go, Charlotte spent the first years of her life here and
it’s full of memories for us when it was just the two of us. My car, which
Nick hates so much, I’m leaving with my mother to sell.
Nick brought up the conversation of where we’re going to live. I had
assumed it would be at his apartment but he doesn’t want that.
 “I was thinking of buying a house for us.” He announces over dinner. I
place my cutlery down on my plate and look at him.
“Why? I thought we were going to live at the penthouse.”
“No. I mean, it’s fine for the time being but I want something new and
bigger if you agree.”
“Your place is not exactly small but sure, if that will make you happy, I
just want us to be together, I don’t care where that is.” I tell him. He takes a
hold of my hand on the table.
“I want us to start fresh in a new home, a house with a backyard where
Charlotte can run around and we can make new happy memories. A place
where our future children will grow up one day, I want BBQ’s and water
balloon fights in our backyard in the summer, maybe even a dog.”
I picture what he just described to me, it sounds like a perfect dream, my
heart fills with a hopeful joy and I get glassy eyed.
“I want that too.”
“Are we getting a puppy?” Charlie pipes up, of course that’s all she
heard.
“No.” I answer her.
“Maybe.” Nick says.
After some research he found two possible houses for us to move in to
which were for sale in the area he wanted. Of the two choices I preferred
the one by the water and so did he. We have an appointment next
Wednesday evening to go see it with the realtor and I’m super excited. It is
a beautiful dark brick two storey home, from the pictures I have seen online
the rear of the house has stone steps leading down to a massive yard and an
amazing view of the ocean. I’m optimistic the pictures do it justice and
when I see it in person I won’t be disappointed.
Another topic of conversation was work. Being with Nick I don’t need
to work but I want to. We spoke about it at length and I agreed to wait a
couple of months until Charlotte and I are settled in and we’ve moved into
the house before looking for work. He has agreed to not interfere and let me
do this on my own, I would love nothing more than to go back to Love
Designs that I may take him up on his offer about going back. We’ll have to
wait and see.
There are packing boxes everywhere, in every room of the house. I have
spent at least two hours each day packing things away in them. Nick has
already organised for some of them to be shipped off already back to his
apartment. You never have any idea of how much crap you actually own
until you need to pack it all in boxes.
It’s a beautiful Saturday with the sun shining. Nick and I are standing in
the kitchen having finished cleaning up after lunch while Charlotte has gone
to play in the backyard. This time next week we’ll be back in Sydney and
settling in to the next phase of our life and future.
With my back to him Nick boxes me in against the counter within his
arms, kissing the back of my neck causing tingles to run down my spine.
“You know what I’m looking forward to once we move into our house.”
“What?”
“Christening every room and piece of furniture with you.” He breathes
against my neck. His words have me clenching my thighs at the delicious
images they produce.
“With a child around? Good luck with that.” I tease him.
“She has to sleep sometime.” He replies as his hands wrap around my
waist pulling me into his chest where I feel his erection poking my back.
I turn around in his arms taking his face in my hands, bringing his lips
to mine. His hands automatically find themselves on my ass, I take a step
closer to him as our kiss begins to get heated with our tongues duelling for
dominance. His lips release mine as they move lower across my jaw and
neck. I tilt my head back letting out a sigh.
The spell however is broken when we hear Charlotte give out a high
pitched scream. We both run out the back door down the steps and into the
yard, Nick reaching her first.
“Charlie what’s wrong?” He demands falling to his knees beside her.
She’s standing there with her cast sticking out whimpering. Has she hurt
herself, is she in pain?
“There’s a bug on me. Get it off.” She cries frightened, shaking her arm.
I take a closer look at her cast and start laughing. I kneel down and take
away the offending insect.
“Sweetie, it’s only a ladybug, they’re harmless and meant to be good
luck. Look.” I show her there’s nothing to be afraid of as I let the little thing
crawl around my hand.
“No, take it away.”
She shies away shielding herself into her father’s arms who is chuckling
at her display and kisses her on the head.
 “You know, it probably liked the flower we drew on your cast which is
why it landed on there. Don’t be scared, you’re my brave girl remember.”
Nick tells her sticking his own hand out. I place the ladybug in his hand
watching as he brings it closer. Charlie has tensed up but is staying with her
father observing the creature as it moves round.
“Does it tickle?”
“Not at all. Do you want to try holding it?”
“Nope.” She shakes her head. “Okay, get rid of it now.”
With another laugh Nick shakes his hand making it fly away. With that
Charlotte is off and playing again.
“She gets that from you Ms Squeamish.”
“Hey, I may freak out at spiders and cockroaches but I can handle a few
bugs thank you very much.” I get up off the grass placing my hands on my
hips.
“Yeah, remind of that next time you’re screaming for me to kill one of
them.”

I’m sitting on the plane, looking at the clouds through the tiny window
flying home. Home. It’s a funny word. It has a lot of different meanings to
different people, to some it’s where one permanently lives, or where your
family is, some people have a deep attachment to a home and early
memories of childhood, to me home has always been where I have been the
happiest, where my heart feels whole. Years ago that was anywhere Nick
was, then it was whenever I held my daughter in my arms. The day Nick
showed up again I learned that my heart wasn’t whole and I hated him all
over again. But he changed that, with his patience and determination he
completed me and Charlotte too, created the family unit we were always
meant to be. So here we are almost home, most of our belongings were sent
back yesterday, so the only things the three of us have with us are our small
carry-on bags.
We said goodbye to my mother and step-father last night, having gone
over to their place for dinner. I cried lots of tears like a big baby when I
hugged her at the end of the night. I’ll miss seeing her several times a week
after being so close to her for so long. Without her to turn to when I was
pregnant I have no idea what I would have done. Not that I couldn’t have
done it on my own but I would rather not have. Sure I had my dad but I
couldn’t burden him like that. He would have taken us in no questions
asked but it wouldn’t have been fair to him and I needed to be as far away
from Nick at the same time.
Being on the plane feels different this time. There is no time limit on
our stay, this is forever. I’m trying to imagine life once our day to day
routine sets in. Will things between Nick and I change at all? We need to
look at schools for Charlotte. Will she like living here permanently once the
novelty of it wears off? No doubt she will love the fact that her parents are
together in one place again but what about dealing with security everywhere
we go, making new friends. I’m probably worrying over nothing but I can’t
help it.
Charlotte has been like the energizer bunny, not sitting still at all,
running up and down the aisle eager to get to Sydney and back to her
princess bedroom. Nick has just set her up in the back with a movie when
he takes his seat beside me.
“You okay, you’ve been very quiet,” he notes with a kiss to my temple.
“I’m fine, just thinking about things, this a big change, for all of us.”
“But a good one right?” He asks with a worried look on his face, afraid
I may change my mind.
“The best.” I reassure him with a kiss.
Riding the elevator up to the penthouse, Nick has a tight hold of my
waist, Charlotte is counting the floors on the screen as we ascend, we both
grin at each other stupidly knowing this is our first night here permanently
and not just for a visit and that it will be a memorable one to say the least if
the way he’s been caressing every inch of my exposed skin for the past two
hours.
Stepping in to the living room we’re surprised by all the Moores
together with Flynn and his family that are waiting for us in the apartment
with a large hand painted welcome home sign and smiles on their faces. A
delicious smell is wafting from the kitchen, I look that way and see the
breakfast bar is covered in food and I’m suddenly starving. Mary and Greg
come up and hug me first, Charlotte runs off towards Melissa and they
disappear to her bedroom together. Flynn and Kaylee who’s cradling the
baby come up to us. I take the baby and hold her for a minute admiring her,
she has grown and changed so much since the last time I saw her. I hand her
back to her mother and am engulfed in a massive hug by Flynn.
“Things are finally as they should be.” He whispers in my ear. He steps
back before yelling “Let’s eat!”
I was anticipating a quiet night, not a welcoming party, seeing them all
here tonight I feel like a true part of the family once again.
“Did you know about this?” I ask Nick turning towards him. He shakes
his head at me.
“Not a clue. Welcome home, baby.” I wrap my arms around his neck
and rise on my tip toes giving him a kiss.
I’m home.
CHAPTER 34
 N ICHOL A S

A fter so many months of uncertainty, heartache, worry and second

guessing myself I have them back. They’re home and I have never
felt more at peace or complete. It wasn’t easy, I never imagined
that it would be, I knew I would have to work hard and beg and apologise
just to get Alannah to listen to me and give me a chance. By some miracle I
managed to work my way back into her heart.
When she told me to take her home out of the blue she shocked me, at
first I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, granted it was sooner than we
had previously spoken about but I wasn’t going to complain. Seeing the
certainty and love in her eyes I could barely contain my eagerness and joy.
This woman will never stop amazing me, so I brought them back as soon as
was practical and now here we all are, under one roof every morning and
every night from now on.
Where would I be today if I never had to have that check up and see that
doctor? I truly think I most likely would still be that angry, selfish asshole
that pushed everyone away. I would still be drowning myself with alcohol
to forget and spending my time working myself to death, still blaming her
for everything that went wrong. Thankfully that is no longer the man I am.
Waking up on our first morning here together in our bed I watch her
sleep, her naked body radiating heat where she is draped over me. Her hair
is spread over her pillow, her little breaths blowing across my chest, she’s
the most perfect and beautiful creature, my morning erection begging to
have her but after last night I should let her sleep but I’m selfish and won’t
ever have enough of her. I kiss her face. She scrunches her nose in
annoyance and turns herself around giving me her back.
Taking her right leg, I pull it back holding it between my own opening
her body up to me, one arm is trapped underneath her where she is laying
on it, my hand grabbing her full breast, my thumb caressing her nipple, I
feel it pucker underneath my touch while my free hand finds her folds. I run
my fingers lightly up and down her sex playing with her, circling her
entrance. I hear her breath hitch.
I know the exact moment she’s awake from the circling movement of
her hips. I slowly insert one finger in her warmth gaining a moan from her
lips, her juices already coating my finger. I begin moving it in and out of
her, her head falling back against my chest as she pants, her hands taking
hold of my wrist of the hand that’s working her over. I push my erection
into her ass, grinding against it in order to get closer and press my palm to
her clit rubbing it at the same time as I enter a second finger into her
warmth stretching her.
I continue my ministrations, pulling the arm that is trapped underneath
her up and around her neck, peppering kisses on her throat, the muscles of
her pussy contracting around me as I bring her closer to her release.
“Let go, baby.”
With an exhale of my name, she cums around my hand, her legs tensing
as her orgasm floods my fingers, her core gripping me even tighter.
She shuffles onto her back smiling sleepily at me, I hover over her, fist
my erection and guide it to her sex slowly entering her until I’m seated deep
within, groaning into her neck. Fucking heaven!
Laying sated afterwards, I’m running my hand up and down her back.
It’s nearing eight o’clock and Charlie will be getting up soon.
“What are your plans for the day?” I ask. I need to go into the office to
look over some paperwork for a few hours after breakfast but plan on being
back by lunchtime if I can. She snuggles closer to me before answering.
“Hmm…unpacking and maybe go visit Rachael and the girls for a
while.” Her words die off and she holds onto my waist a little tighter. I take
hold of her hair at her nape and gently use it to pull her face up so I can see
it. Her small smile not reaching her eyes.
“What is it?” I can tell something is on her mind. She shakes her head at
me.
“Nothing, I’m being silly.”
 “There’s no such thing, please talk to me.” She settles back onto my
chest.
“It’s just, I used to dream of this, of being together again but it was a
dream I never allowed myself to actually believe would happen, now that
we’re here I don’t know, everything has been going so well, I don’t want to
sound insecure and afraid because I’m not but I guess I’m still adjusting to
being back here for good. I know what it’s like to be alone and I never want
to have those feelings of being without you again.” I wrap my arms around
her kissing the top of her head.
“That will never happen. I know the feeling of being without you too,
Alannah, I never want to live like that again either. I love you and I promise
I will prove how much I do every single day.”

Going about my days at work I’ve been walking on cloud nine. I knew
having them home would make me happy but I had no understanding of just
how much joy it would bring, waking up and seeing Charlotte doing
something as simple as watching cartoons in the living room or the
knowledge that Alannah is at the penthouse waiting for me and not on the
other side of the country has brought a sense of peace, as if everything if
finally right in my life and the way it should be.
I come home to find Alannah and Charlie in the kitchen making
cupcakes for dessert. I stand back admiring and observing them, they’re
both smiling and giggling over the mess Charlotte has made of herself with
the icing as Alannah attempts to clean her. Watching them I get an idea to
surprise them. After watching Trolls last week Charlie has become obsessed
with that movie and the song, she asks to play it every day so I downloaded
it onto my phone for her. I take my phone out of my pocket and find what
I’m looking for pressing play, the song coming through loudly on the
connected blue tooth speakers in the apartment.
They both look up on hearing the music wondering who put it on. I
sway over to them grabbing Alannah by the hips and start dancing. I take
her hand and twirl her round and around the kitchen before dipping her. I
lay a quick kiss on her surprised face then lift her back up and continue to
move us around.
Charlie is watching us giggling, clapping and moving in her seat singing
along.
“Me too!” She puts her arms out reaching for me. I pick her up into my
arms up and begin jumping around with her as we sing. Alannah continues
to dance on her own for a while before grabbing her phone to film us.
When the song is over Charlie cheers and claps. “That was fun.”
This right here, the love and happiness in this room is what I wanted to
achieve, my goal from the moment I began working to get Alannah back,
the ability to be silly with my family, to feel like a kid again, nothing will
take my joy away again.
“What was that all about?” Alannah smiles at me. Out of breath I lean
down to kiss her lips while still holding Charlie.
“Just happy.”

It’s Friday morning and I’m preparing myself to go visit Dennis. This
particular trip is probably the most important one I have had to make. A lot
is riding on today. His house has neat lawns and flower beds together with
the dark blue window shutters give the place a welcoming feel.
I exit the car and take the few steps to his door knocking on it. I called
him yesterday to ask to meet with him, I was pretty certain I would have to
beg, that he would turn me down, but he surprised me by agreeing to this
today.
I hate lying to Alannah about my whereabouts but I need to do this and
she would only worry. She’s spending today with my mother who asked her
to come along and assist at a meeting for a charity event she’s organising
for the children’s hospital. It will give Alannah something to do and make
her feel useful. I understand her need to keep busy, she’s been working for
the last few years, not used to having so much idle time on her hands.
We met with the real estate agent and went to see the house on
Wednesday. It was perfect. Alannah fell in love with it which is all I hoped
for. She wants to decorate it herself to turn it into our home, saying it will
feel more personal than hiring a decorator. We should be able to move in to
it in about a month’s time and I seriously cannot wait, it will be the fresh
start we need.
As I imagine all the future holidays and birthdays we will spend in that
house the door opens up and there stands Dennis with a stoic expression on
his face.
“Nicholas.”
“Dennis.”
“Come on in.”
He moves away from the door allowing me to enter. I follow him into
his living room and take a seat on his brown leather sofa opposite him in a
matching armchair. My eyes find a framed photo of Alannah and Charlotte
on his side table beside the couch. It was taken at a park, Charlie looks so
small, they’re both coming down the slide with Charlie on Alannah’s lap,
both of them laughing and looking cute.
“Coffee?” He offers, trying to be a polite host.
“No, thank you.” I shake my head and let out a breath.
“So…” He indicates with his hands outstretched pretty much telling me
to start talking. Right, of course.
“I know I’m not your favourite person, Dennis but it’s important for us
to get along, put all the animosity behind us for the sake of my family. I
know Alannah has filled you in a little about my accident.”
“She has.”
“So I hope you can understand why it took me so long to come back for
them. I never intended to let so much time pass.” I spend a few minutes
explaining to him my struggles during that time and the thought of Alannah
and my child getting me through it, being the motivation to not give up.
“Even so, that doesn’t excuse your behaviour from all those years ago.
You were cruel to her.”
“I was.” I agree with him.
“You promised me you would look after her and what did you do?”
“I KNOW, OKAY! I know. What do you want me to say? All I can do is
apologise, which I have.” Fuck! Does he want my apology written in
blood?
He crosses his arms across his chest.
“Why should I trust anything you say this time?”
 “When I discovered my colossal error I admitted I was responsible for
fucking everything up, that I destroyed our relationship, Alannah and
whatever love she ever had for me. That it was my own fault I didn’t know
my child. You know your daughter, if she didn’t believe with her whole
heart that I had changed and that this would work out between us she never
would have agreed to give me a second chance. You know what, I may not
be good enough for her but no one will ever love her the way I do.”
“You know, you raise them, watch them grow, and one day have to let
them go, to live their own lives hoping they make the right decisions and
are happy. Yet you are still there for them if you’re needed. It broke my
heart to see my daughter so broken, watching her put herself back together.
Fine, I will make more of an effort only because I don’t want to upset
Alannah unnecessarily. Is that all? Why are you really here today,
Nicholas?”
Time to lay my cards on the table, so to speak.
I clear my throat.
“I love Alannah and Charlotte, they are my whole world. I know I have
made mistakes and treated her badly. But I’ve grown up and am no longer
that person. I have managed to get my family back together. I want to marry
her, be her husband, make her happy, give her everything she could ever
desire, so I am here to ask for your blessing. I’m not asking for your
permission because I’m going to propose to her regardless but I know that it
would mean a lot to her to have your blessing.”
He stares at me, I feel like he’s seeing straight into my soul and
discovering my darkest secrets.
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what would happen if you ever treat
my daughter horribly again.”
“That will never happen. I get it now, I do. If anyone treats Charlotte
badly I would be the first one ready to kill them.” I reassure him.
He continues to look at me as he is deep in thought. I feel the seconds
pass, it could be minutes but I refuse to break eye contact with him.
“Very well.” He nods
That’s as much as I’m going to get from him and I’ll take it. I stand
shaking his hand and leave his house to get back home to my girls.
Now I just need to plan the perfect proposal.
CHAPTER 35
 A L A N NA H

I t’s been an incredible month although we’ve had a bit of a learning

curve living together again permanently, not that Nick is messy but
the state of the bathroom after he has used it is something else to
behold, I just don’t understand how a person can get water everywhere,
when he used to stay in Perth with me I guess he was more careful or
cleaned up after himself. My favourite time of day is the quiet moment in
the evening after we have put Charlotte to bed, we sit on the couch cuddled
up enjoying the peace and each other’s company. Sometimes I have to
pinch myself to believe this is my life now.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see a happy woman, one who
looks forward to seeing what each new day will bring. Charlotte and I were
happy, no doubt about that but this is a different kind of happiness, there’s a
light in my eyes that even I have noticed which was missing. Things
between Nicholas and I are even better than the first time around if that’s
possible. I suppose we have both matured and are not letting the
insignificant little things become issues, we have wasted enough time apart
to allow trivial matters to come between us now.
I’ve been keeping busy with decorating our new house, furniture
shopping and meeting the builder Nick hired out there a few times to go
over what we would like. He and his crew have worked hard to have it
finished quickly and ready to be moved into next week. When I walk in
through the front door it feels like home, which is what I wanted, to feel a
vibe of warmth and being welcome. Charlie’s room is everything a little
wannabe princess could imagine, my favourite place in the house besides
our bedroom would have to be the upstairs hallway where I have framed
and hung photographs and some of Charlotte’s artwork, I love walking past
them, it always puts a smile on my face and will remain a timeless reminder
of her childhood.
We’ve settled into a routine, Nick takes Charlotte to school in the
mornings and I pick her up. The school we chose is not far from the house,
she has made new friends and seems to be doing well so far. With my days
free I have been spending time working on charity events alongside Mary.
There’s a fundraiser coming up for the children’s hospital which I’m
enjoying helping to organise, I’m proud and grateful to be able to help out
but it’s made me realise how much I miss the world of interior decorating.
We’ve settled in quickly and without any major issues so I don’t see the
point in waiting to get back to work doing what I love.
Speaking of work, last week I emailed an old colleague which I had
kept in touch with over the years and who I considered a friend. Tiana was
always so nice and sweet to work with, so every few months we would
correspond. I put it out there asking how things have been since I left and
that I may be interested in returning if there are any openings. She called
me back later that day and after chatting put me through to the head of
human resources, a lovely lady named Linda, she knew of me and of the
work I used to do for the company and was more than willing to meet with
me, so I have a job interview next week. I made Nick promise not to
interfere, he just said they’d be crazy to not want me back.
Waking up on a sunny Saturday morning I turn my head towards Nick’s
side of the bed to see it empty except for an iPad that has been left on his
pillow with a post it note stuck to it.

We’ve gone out for breakfast, thought we’d let you sleep in.
Watch this to put a smile on your face.

I’m a little hurt they went without me but I’ve been fighting a cold and
not sleeping very well so I understand Nick wanting me to rest. I sit up in
the bed, adjusting my pillows and leaning against the headboard I bend my
knees, place the device on my legs and get comfortable to watch whatever it
is that’s on there.
The screen comes to life with Nick and Charlie sitting at the piano, he
starts to play a tune then I hear their voices as they start to sing a duet. I
recognise the tune as You and Me from Oliver and Company. They’re
swaying to the beat and give each other a high five once the song has
finished.
“Come meet us at the house at eleven o’clock, baby,” Nick says then the
screen goes black.
That was amazing, the cutest thing ever, my cheeks hurt form the large
smile on my face. I love seeing these kinds of moments between them. He
has been such an amazing father to Charlotte, he would do absolutely
anything for her, suffice it to say she has him wrapped around her little
finger and she looks up to him so much. The way they have bonded, you
would never guess that he has only been in her life for less than a year. It’s
been almost one whole year since he reappeared in our lives. That day he
showed up and I laid eyes on him again I could have murdered him in cold
blood there and then, I had no idea what would have transpired afterwards
and that we would find ourselves here, so much can change so quickly, life
is short and sometimes there are no second chances, I guess we’re one of
the lucky few.
I try to call Nick to tell them I loved their little performance but he
doesn’t answer. That’s very odd, he always answers when I call.
I shower, dress in a red sundress, flats and long black cardigan. I enjoy
time alone as much as the next person but being here on my own this
morning is weird, I miss them and the apartment is too quiet. After a quick
breakfast of yoghurt and muesli I drive myself in my brand new silver
BMW, a surprise gift from my Nick, over to the house. As soon as I pull up
in the driveway my phone beeps with an incoming text message. I pull my
phone out of my bag.

Nick: Follow the rose petals

What?
Opening my door, as I step out of the car I look down at my feet where I
notice the red, pink and white rose petals making a winding path around the
house leading to the back. Their scent is wafting in the air around me. I
walk over them following the flowery path halfway across the backyard.
The path stops at the steps of a white gazebo. When was this placed here, it
wasn’t here last weekend. It’s decorated with twinkling fairy light and white
flowers. I take the three steps up to the centre of it, an outdoor glass table
and white wicker chair setting has been placed in it. It’s so beautiful. I feel
like I’m in a fairy tale standing here surrounded by all the romance created
by the sparkling blooms.
I find another iPad which has been placed on the table with a white card
on it.
Watch me, it reads.
I shake my head, how many iPads does this man have?
Picking it up in my hands I remove the note and play the video. A
familiar tune starts, my heart launches up into my throat upon hearing the
first lyrics from What Makes You Beautiful, one of my favourite songs.
Photo after photo of Nick and I from when we were first together appear
before my eyes, we look so young and carefree in them to more recent ones
with Charlotte. I didn’t even know he had some of these. So many great and
happy memories pass on the screen before me. Charlie pops up on the
screen smiling. It looks like she’s standing in Nick’s study, I’m just able to
make out the edge of the couch in the corner of the screen.
“Hi, Mummy,” she waves, “I’m helping daddy with a surprise. Ready?”
When did they do this? She’s wearing the purple top she had on three
days ago but I don’t recall them disappearing.
She kneels down then comes back up holding up large pieces of
cardboard and begins showing them to me one by one, letting each one drop
to the floor at her feet every few seconds as the song continues to play in
the background.

Hi Mummy! Guess what?

You’re amazing in every way.
Everything you do for us makes us feel special and loved.
I love our family but there’s something wrong.
You’re not a Moore.
That just doesn’t seem right.
You know what else?
Wouldn’t it be cool if I was your flower girl?
I would be so cute.
So…
Will you marry daddy?
Turn around.
 Tears started falling down my cheeks after reading the fifth card
Charlotte held up when I caught on to what was happening. I’m shocked
and surprised. My mind has gone blank. My legs feel numb.
Putting the iPad down with shaky hands I turn around on my heels and
there Nicholas is looking all handsome and sexy in a suit and white shirt,
the top buttons undone revealing the skin of his upper chest. I cover my
face with my hands sobbing, suddenly becoming overwhelmed by my
feelings and what’s occurring.
Usually I know the exact moment he is in my proximity, this time I
didn’t even feel him come up behind me. He pulls my hands away so he can
see my face, taking one of my hands in his wiping the tears away with his
other one.
“Don’t cry.” He whispers with a smile. Looking into his eyes they are
emanating nothing but adoration. I’m certain the same look is being
reflected back at him from my own. I swallow the lump in my throat, I try
to speak but nothing comes out. I honestly had no idea this was going to
happen today. Sure we have talked about getting married but I figured he
wouldn’t propose for a few more months at least, trust Nicholas to not want
to wait. “You look beautiful.” He tells me while tucking a strand of hair
behind my ear.
“Thank you. Where’s Charlotte?”
“Inside with Wade, probably watching out one of the windows.” I
chuckle because it’s most likely true.
“Did you like the videos?” He asks shyly.
“I loved them, both of them.” I say cupping his cheek.
He takes a deep breath in and out before taking hold of my free hand.
“In my life I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve hurt, I’ve made
mistakes but most of all I’ve learned. I will never take for granted this
second chance you’ve given me. It’s always been a mystery to me how two
hearts can come together and how love can last forever but we have that.
From the first time I laid eyes on you, you owned me. Even over the years
that we were apart my heart still beat only for you. I've never been so sure
of anything in my life but you. I was sure the first time I did this but even
more certain now. You are everything I need, you make all my dreams come
true because you are my dream come true. I’m a better man for having you
by my side and I promise to be everything you need. I promise that
wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you, with all my heart I’ll be
there too and from this moment on, I want you to know that I’ll never let
anything come between us. I love you. Mind, body and soul. It belongs to
you. I will love you more with every single passing day. We will grow old
and grey together and sit here under this gazebo reminiscing over the many
memories we are going to make. I will make sure you have a smile on your
face every day. You’re for me and I'm for you because my world just can’t
be right without you in my life. Besides your heart, you have given me the
greatest gift possible, and that’s Charlotte. When I looked into her eyes for
the first time my whole world was changed. I felt a love I had never known
before, she matters more than me or anything anymore next to you. I didn’t
know what I was missing, now every day I’ll hold her close and cherish
every moment. So thank you, Alannah. She and you are all that I live for.”
“Nicholas…” I murmur not quite knowing how to respond to such heart
felt words.
He kneels down before me, my heart is about to beat out of my chest,
these damn tears won’t stop falling, making my vision blurry. He is saying
such beautiful words which I want to remember forever.
He releases my left hand then pulls a ring out of his pants pocket
presenting it to me between his fingers. The white gold, oval cut diamond
ring is shining with perfection as the sunlight hits it. I can sense his nerves
through his unsteady hand.
“Alannah Stewart, will you marry me?”
Trying to get my emotions under control I nod. “Yes… absolutely.”
As soon as he slides the ring on my finger he stands gathering me in his
arms, crashing my body into his, his hands wrap around my waist, I lean in
kissing his warm lips, he plunges his tongue into my mouth turning the kiss
passionate and fiery. I lift my hands and slide them through his hair. His
body heat radiating into mine and I feel alive.
“I love you so much, Lana,” he whispers across my lips, my heart
flutters at his voice.
“I love you too.” The world falls away as we continue to kiss, in our
own private little bubble in our backyard. This kiss is a promise, a promise
of love and devotion and of more to come.
I hear Charlotte squealing as she runs up the steps of the gazebo towards
us in a pretty silver dress to match her father. Nick pulls away and picks her
up bringing her into our embrace. Her grin is infectious as she wraps her
little arms around each of our necks.
 “Our surprise worked, kiddo,” Nick says to her then kisses her on the
cheek before laying another soft kiss on my lips. “My girls.” He says in
awe. “Let’s go to the house, I think some people might be waiting to help
celebrate.”
He made this a perfect moment. I love the fact that he had Charlotte
help him in proposing, making it all the more special and magical. I know
the last few years cannot be undone or totally forgotten but they can be let
go and left in the past where they belong. We have our future to live.
CHAPTER 36
 A L A N NA H

F ive weeks after Nick’s amazing proposal we find ourselves in Fiji

on a private island. We arrived two days ago with our families and
friends. I slept most of the way here, making the most of the four
hour flight, feeling exhausted after the past hectic month.
The past weeks have indeed been busy. On top of planning this wedding
I had my job interview which went great, better than I even expected. I was
offered a job to come back as an assistant associate until I got the hang of
things again that same day, I was ecstatic, as soon as I had stepped out of
the doors I did a little happy dance there on the foot path. I had to double
check and make sure that Nick didn't play a part in them taking me on so
quickly but he assured me that it was all due to me. I can start when we
return home. There was no point commencing to only take a couple weeks
off and they were willing to wait, I'm certain marrying the owner might
have had something to do with that but regardless I'm super excited about
getting back into decorating.
Nick and I also had an appointment with his doctor about having more
children and the risk of passing on the heart condition. He was nervous and
I was anxious as we both sat in that waiting room. After a ten minute
consultation he basically told us that there will always be that fifty percent
chance that it can be inherited, that we were lucky that our daughter doesn't
have it or perhaps my genes were just more dominant that time around.
Then he went on to say there is no guarantee, but even if it does get passed
on we can manage it, and there is always progress being made in the
medical and scientific fields which may help. At the end of the day it's our
decision and how much we truly want this.
Back at home that evening we had a lot to think and talk about and we
told each other that there was no rush or pressure to make that choice now.
The next day Nick asked whether we can start trying on our honeymoon
and I agreed, so we pretty much had our answer. No matter what happens I
know we'll deal with it together. After all I don't really want too much of a
large age gap between Charlie and her sibling. So I threw my pills away
two weeks ago when I got my period. He's determined to make a baby
during our honeymoon.
Today is our wedding day. We finally made it here. I wake up alone
with a giddy smile on my face that will not disappear.
Nick and I spoke about what we wanted and decided that we didn't need
the big fancy wedding. The people who are most important to us are here to
witness this and that's all that matters. He did some research then showed
me photos of this place and I fell in love with it. We get to get away with
our families, relax and get married at the same time. It was perfect.
The first time we were engaged I did the whole bride going crazy with
planning and stressing out ensuring that everything was perfect but I didn't
get to see that day come around. Now, none of that matters, who cares or
pays attention to the colour of the napkins or if the ribbons match. The only
important thing is me marrying the man who has my heart and the rest are
minor stupid details.
This has to be the most incredibly beautiful place I have even seen. I
turn on my side and glance out the large windows towards the water. We're
staying on an exclusive private island resort, with luxurious accommodation
for two dozen people only. When I found out it’s costing almost $60,000 a
night I freaked out, Nick said it was worth it and would pay double that if
that was what it took to make me happy, to give me the perfect wedding. I
shook my head at him, doesn't he realise I only need him and Charlotte to
be happy.
It truly is like being in paradise. We're in the middle of nowhere
surrounded by ocean, it's so peaceful you can hear the birds chirping first
thing in the morning. The sun shines down on you from the blue sky and
you’re surrounded by clear waters. Nicholas, Charlotte and I are staying in
one of the villas right on the water, the back of the house leads to wooden
stairs right down to a dock and the sea. From there if you look up the hill
behind us you can see one of the other houses in the distance where some of
the others are staying. We’re also surrounded by trees and I don’t think I
have ever seen so many palm trees lining the beaches. My favourite part of
the island though is the sand bar, it appears for only a few hours a day
allowing you to walk across it, I feel as far away from the rest of the world
as it is possible to get.
Last night after a family dinner Flynn dragged a pouting Nick away to
do guy stuff while Charlie and I camped out with the girls in our villa
having make-overs.
I slept in this morning, there was no big rush to get up as the ceremony
is not until later in the afternoon. I have no idea how they're going to keep
Nick busy all day and stop him coming over here. Mary took Charlotte over
to him earlier so they're probably at the beach having a swim until it's time
for her to return and get ready.
I lay here running over how much things have changed. Looking at the
ring on my finger all I can think is how blessed and happy I am. No, not just
me, how blessed we all are. Somehow I believe that if I wasn’t such a
coward and ran away all those years ago perhaps we wouldn’t have found
ourselves here now. They say everything happens for a reason, maybe if I
never fell pregnant with Charlie and Nick and I ended up getting married it
may not have worked out for us with the things he was keeping from me. I
wouldn’t change any of it though because I have loved and enjoyed every
minute with my little girl. No more looking back, today our future starts and
we have so much to look forward to.
After a light lunch of fruit and sandwiches I make my way to the
bedroom to prepare getting ready and change. I bathed and dressed Charlie
first, she’s wearing some pink lip gloss across her lips wanting to have
make-up like mummy. I’ve left my hair down over my shoulders in waves,
with light make-up on my face. Trying to keep my dress a secret was
difficult. Nick kept trying to sneak glances at it but I managed to hide it
away successfully once we got here. I love the way I feel in it, it’s body
hugging with embroidery and lace up to my throat at the front, the back
however is a different story. My entire back is exposed right down to my
hip bone, however there is a see through mesh material over it with a long
row of small pearl buttons running down the middle, lastly I slip on my
white sandals, it is a beach wedding after all.
 When I'm ready Charlotte and I take the few steps down from our villa
and head towards the beach with my father where Nick and the rest of the
family are waiting for us. We're having a very simple ceremony; getting
married by the edge of the water as the sun sets but it's all we need to
declare our love and commitment to each other in front of our loved ones.
I spot Nick in the distance standing by the ocean waiting for me, the
waves as they hug the sand not quite reaching his feet with the sea breeze
ruffling his hair. He's dressed in grey pants with a white button up shirt and
tan loafers on his feet. It's way too warm to be in a tux. He stands beneath a
beautiful flower arch covered in greenery and frangipanis by the edge of the
water. He is gazing out to sea with his hands in his pockets, he may come
across as calm and patient but the set of his shoulders tells me he is
anything but. Hearing Charlotte's voice he turns around to watch her walk
down with a proud smile.
I'm ready to walk along the white sand to my soon to be husband.
Husband. Nicholas Moore is about to become my husband and I his wife. I
wasn’t nervous before but right in this moment I need to take a deep breath
and centre myself.
I stand back and wait a moment to watch Charlotte in her white and
pink dress with a mini matching version of my bouquet of assorted coloured
roses skip down to where her father is waiting. She was a nightmare last
night, she was so excited there was no possible way to calm her down to go
to sleep, in the end I put her into bed with me and we cuddled together until
she drifted off no doubt dreaming of today. If she could she would have
slept in her dress and tiara. Nick made sure she had a tiara to feel like a true
princess. After all today was also a big day for Charlotte as well as Nick
and I. We were giving her a united family.
I grip my dad's arm tightly and turn to him. "Thank you, Dad, for being
here and doing this." I know he wasn’t happy when Nick first came back
into the picture but him being here to support us means the world to me.
"There is nothing I wouldn't do for you baby girl, you know that and I
guess that groom of yours isn't all that bad." He winks at me.
“I’m ready. Let’s do this.”
To the sounds of the sea and birds singing above I begin my journey,
step by step to the man who has always held my heart, passing guests who
have tears in their eyes, finally ending up in front of Nick whose eyes are
swimming with unshed tears.
 Dad lifts my hand from his arm placing it in Nick's. With a kiss to my
cheek he goes and takes his seat.
My heart is about to burst from joy as I stare at him with Charlotte by
his side who's giggling from happiness.
"Hi." He whispers to me as our eyes are glued to each other.
"Hi." I repeat.
"You're breathtaking." I blush under his stare and words.
The minister begins his spiel about love and family, not that I’m paying
much attention to his words. My attention is trained on the man in front of
me, whose thumb has not stopped running back and forth over my knuckles
from the second he took my hand in his.
"Alannah, I have thought about the words I would say to you in this
moment for so long but then I drew a blank, I couldn’t think so instead I
will go with what’s in my heart and that is you. You and our daughter. You
took up residence in my heart and soul all those years ago and never left. I
love you more today than I thought possible. You have given me so much
already and now it’s my turn to give you everything and more. It took us a
long time to get here but I will never leave your side again. You are my
whole life, my love, my more in this world. I will be beside you until my
last breath. I promise to hold you and our union deep in my heart, forsaking
all others. I will protect you, trust you and respect you. I will give you
everything your heart desires and never let a day go by without showing
you what you mean to me. I take you, Alannah to be my wife, to share with
you our lives together, I will be your strength when you feel weak, for
better or worse, in sickness and in health, in joy and sorrow until death do
we part. I give you all that I am and my love, with this ring I seal my vow to
you."
He slips the band on my finger then follows it with a kiss from his lips.
I compose myself even as the tears fall down my cheeks.
"Nicholas, in the time we were apart I would dream of what it would be
like to become a family, I spent a lot of time growing and searching for
things but one thing I know to be true is that I'm not complete without you.
Charlotte and I need you and the day dreams I used to have are nothing
compared to the reality and love you have given us. I have loved you every
single day from the very first time our eyes ever met and the most powerful
thing besides love in this world is forgiveness. I will stand by your side, I
will love and support you and cherish you and our union. A love like ours
comes along once in a lifetime, we were given a second chance and I'm not
letting it or you go this time around. I take you, Nicholas to be my husband,
to share with you our lives together, I will be your strength when you feel
weak, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, in joy and sorrow until
death do we part. I give you all that I am and my love, with this ring I seal
my vow to you."
As soon as I have placed his ring on him he pulls me closer.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The minister announces.
I hear cheers as Nick grabs me by my hips into his body then his arms
wrap around my waist, my hands against his chest as we kiss. Our first kiss
as a married couple is both gentle and passionate at the same time, trying to
convey the joy and love we both feel in this moment. It’s over much too
soon as Charlotte worms her way between our legs separating our bodies
wanting to be picked up and included in the celebration.
After both our mothers are satisfied with the amount of photos they
have taken we follow our friends and family, leisurely strolling hand in
hand further down the beach to the area that will host our dinner. It looks
magnificent, the staff here really outdoing themselves.
There are several tiki torches lit along the edge of the water just beyond
where we will be seated along with two very large bonfires brightly burning
on either side of the beach surrounding us in its warmth and glow just as the
sun is setting.
All of us take our seats at one long rectangle table with Nicholas and I
in the middle. It's covered in small tea candles and flowers of every colour
imaginable. Halfway through our dinner of delicious chicken and roasted
vegetables the stars begin to come out. I look up at them twinkling down at
us. Today could not have been more perfect if it had been written in some
great romance novel.
Charlotte has been flitting from lap to lap and dancing around the table
as the DJ provided by the resort has been playing music in the background.
We're surrounded by so much love tonight, it’s a tangible thing.
Everybody is smiling or laughing like one big happy family, which is all I
ever could have asked for. Charlie is currently sitting on her father's lap
having some cake, I lift my hand and push some of her sweaty curls back
off her forehead. She'll be spending the next week with my mother who will
be staying at our new house in Sydney until we return. I've never been away
from her for so long and will miss her terribly. I look up at my husband and
smile. I have this need to be closer to him so I lean across to kiss him just
because I can. He’s officially mine.
The music changes to a slower beat and Nick takes my hand.
"May I have this dance?"
He shifts Charlie off his lap, handing her to Melissa, helps me stand and
walks across the cool sand to the wooden dance floor that has been placed
on the beach underneath white and blue fairy lights hanging from the trees
above. He pulls me into his arms, my own around his neck.
“I love this song.” I say as Ed Sheeran's voice comes over the speakers.
"I can't wait to get you all to myself and peel this dress off you, Mrs
Moore." He tells me with a dark gleam in his eyes causing butterflies of
excitement in my stomach and my thighs to tighten in response.
"Is that so?" I tease. His face becomes serious all of a sudden.
"Do you have any idea how long I've waited to say those two words to
you. Mrs Moore."
Probably about as long as I've wished to hear them. However tonight of
all nights I don't want him thinking about what has happened between us
previously. I want only joy and new happy memories being made. There's
no room for regrets tonight.
We look at each other communicating without words the love and
forgiveness.
"It's in the past." I tell him before capturing his lips with mine once
more continuing to sway.
My arousal is building with each minute we spend holding each other
and kissing, his erection is prodding against my stomach as he holds on to
me tightly. I need to feel him, I need him to claim me as his, I believe he
can sense it in the urgency of my kisses because he pulls away panting.
"I think it’s time to say goodnight." He states.
Our family will be staying on the other side of the island for a couple of
days before they and Charlotte fly home. Nick and I will remain here for
another week, just the two us doing nothing but probably being naked
which suits me just fine.
We give Charlie hugs and kisses goodnight before Nick picks me up in
his arms bridal style and rushes away with big strides to our villa while I
hear catcalls behind us.
As our wedding day comes to an end, here in my husband’s arms my
soul feels as if it’s flying, I feel carefree, I feel adored and cherished. We
have created beautiful lasting memories and more memories are just about
to be made if the look in his eyes is anything to go by.
CHAPTER 37
 N ICHOL A S

10 Years Later

I ’m seated at my desk in my office at work looking over the row of

photographs that are lined up before me of my family. My collection
has grown quite a bit over time making me smile each and every day.
I can’t believe it’s been ten years since Alannah and I got married, it
feels as if the time has flown by. Our anniversary is coming up and I’m
planning on taking her away back to that island for a week. Nothing but my
wife, sun, sand and sex, my idea of heaven on earth, not forgetting the
peace and quiet, I don’t think a day goes by that these kids are not bickering
with each other. The kids will be staying with my parents while we’re gone.
I can only hope they don’t pull any of their pranks or that their grandparents
allow them to binge on too much sugar.
They’ve been happy years, sure there were times when everything
wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine but there is no one I would rather have by
my side through it all. I’m so proud of Alannah, between taking care of the
kids and her charity work she has done wonderful things with Love Designs
making it more successful than I even imagined possible.
I pick up in my hands the photo taken on our wedding day with the
ocean in the background. The love and happiness is reflected back at me
from the couple smiling at the camera. I spent more time inside my wife
than out during our honeymoon, there was one day in particular where she
had to tell me she needed a break, hell even I was beginning to feel sore but
it was so worth it, just recalling those days gets me grinning and hard.
 Every detail of my wedding day is burned into my memory like it was
yesterday. From the moment I saw her in her dress walking towards me, I
actually felt my heart swell, she was a vision and the most incredibly
beautiful woman in the world, the words she spoke to me, her smell, our
kiss, I was a lucky son of a bitch and I was going to make every moment
and day from that second count.
Our last day on the island was bittersweet, we had an incredible time
staying there, just being together and talking when we weren’t fucking,
however we both were missing our daughter, that was the longest time
Alannah had ever been away from her and if I’m honest I too was anxious
to get back home and see her in person, we Skyped with her each evening
but it wasn’t the same.
Rolling around in the rumpled sheets of our bed, as the cool evening sea
breeze flows in through the open doors bringing with it the scent of the
ocean and flowers, I continue to lazily kiss my wife.
“Back home and to reality tomorrow,” I mention as I lift my head to
gaze at her.
“I know.” She sighs while her hands run over my back.
“I miss Charlotte. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’ve also missed
her jumping on my stomach to wake me up.”
“Me too,” she admits, “I have never been away from her this long
before and I was worried how she would handle it, but our parents have
taken great care of her.”
“That they have,” I concur as I kiss her bare shoulder.
“Thank you for a perfect honeymoon, Mr Moore.”
“You are very welcome, Mrs Moore. You deserved it.”
Two months after our wedding, we were settling into a routine with
work and Charlie with school, life was wonderful and I didn’t think it could
get any better but I was wrong. There have been certain significant events
throughout our marriage that hold a special place in my heart, finding out
Alannah was pregnant again was one of those.
As I’m coming out of the walk in robe with a tie in my hands my wife
comes out of the bathroom with a frown on her face and stops in the
doorway.
“Lana?” I call to her.
She looks up at me across the bedroom, the frown not leaving her face.
“Are you okay, baby?”
 “I’m late.” She whispers.
“For what?” She shakes her head at me.
“No, my period is late.”
“Oh!” I drop the tie and stride over to her, my hands automatically
finding her waist. “How late?”
“A week.”
“Are you….?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Don’t you have to take a test or something to know for sure?”
“I’m afraid to take it.” She tells me avoiding eye contact.
“Why?” Doesn’t she want to know? I sure as hell do.
“Well…because…last time…”she fades off.
Fuck! Of course memories of how this went last time would come
flooding back to her. I pull her into my chest and kiss her temple.
“Listen to me, I was the biggest idiot on the planet last time. I’m here,
I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. How about you go take a
relaxing bath while I go buy you a test to take. Work will survive without me
today.” After a moment’s hesitation she agrees. I give her a quick kiss
before running out the room.
Forty five minutes later I’m waiting for Alannah to finish up in our
bathroom. As I was buying her not one but three pregnancy tests I also
came across these cute brown teddy bears. On impulse I bought one and
handed it to her along with the tests. It was my way of reassuring her.
“Baby’s first teddy.” She gives me a big smile taking it onto her hands.
I can’t sit still, my right leg is bouncing up and down as I continue to
wait.
She finally comes out wearing her white bathrobe with her hands folded
together in front of her body.
“Now we wait two minutes.” She puffs out a breath.
Okay, two more minutes. I pull her down on my lap encircling her with
my arms.
“I’m excited and nervous.” I admit. “God, what if you’re not and we
have to go through this all over again?” I don’t want to get my hopes up too
high just in case.
“We’ll know soon enough.”
We sit quietly on our bed waiting. Her fingers are constantly combing
the back of my hair, a sign she’s as nervous as I am. We wait for a lot longer
than two minutes neither one of us moving.
“I don’t want to look in case it’s negative. You look.” She demands of
me. I chuckle at her, kiss her cheek and move her butt off my lap onto the
bed before making my way into the bathroom where I see the stick laying on
the counter. I have no clue how to read these things.
“What do two lines mean?” I yell out. She runs into the room, her eyes
wide.
“What?”
“Two lines. What does that mean?”
“Two?
“Yes, two.” She comes closer and looks at the stick.
“Two lines mean positive. Nick…” He eyes become glassy. Positive.
Meaning….we’re pregnant.
I can’t help the great big yelp that leaves my mouth. I’m laughing from
joy while tears are flowing down my face at the same time. I grab Lana into
my arms, kissing her like my life depended on it. I release her lips long
enough to lift her up and swing her around.
“We’re having a baby!”
“We’re having a baby,” she repeats.
“You make me so happy, God, I love you so much, thank you, Alannah.
Thank you.”
This is how I should have reacted the first time. However mentioning it
will only bring us both down and that is the last thing I want, I want to feel
this euphoria for as long as possible.
I place our wedding photo back on my desk and pick up the one of a
pregnant Alannah. We went to see a doctor the next day to confirm it and
ensure everything looked good before deciding to tell the family. I couldn’t
help but not touch her stomach knowing our baby was in there that night as
we lay in bed. The knowledge that I would be able to see them on a screen
the next day keeping me up most of the night. Watching Alannah have an
ultrasound was a new experience for me.
My wife is laid out on the large blue plastic chair or bed, whatever you
want to call it, as the doctor rolls the probe over her stomach. My eyes are
glued to the screen hoping to see something but all I can make out is black
and white static. She pushes down further on Alannah’s abdomen, then the
picture suddenly clears up and I see it. Right there in my wife’s body is a
tiny little life.
 I lay eyes on our little invader for the first time. I can feel my heart
expanding to make room for this tiny little guy already. My mind has gone
blank and I’m living in the moment absorbing every little movement he
makes. I already love him and can’t wait to meet him.
“He’s beautiful.” I kiss Alannah on her sweet lips.
“Could be a she,” she murmurs against my mouth.
“Huh.” The doctor says surprised.
“What? Is something wrong?” I feel Alannah tense up as I hold her
hand.
“Oh, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. Look here, you can see
your baby.” She points to the screen then she moves her finger slightly to
the right, “and right over here is their sibling,” she casually announces.
“What was that?” I don’t think I heard her correctly.
“Congratulations, it’s twins.”
“Two Babies? Twins? Are you sure?” Alannah asks her.
“Absolutely and everything looks perfect.” Alannah’s head whips to the
side and she throws daggers at me with her eyes.
“Damn you, Nicholas and your sperm, this is your fault.” Not sure how
she came to that conclusion but I say nothing. There are two babies in
there. I stare at her stomach trying to process this new information. “Do
you have any idea how huge I’m going to get?”
“More of you to love, baby.” Okay so this is going to take a moment to
sink in and get used to.
“Shut up. You can’t do things like any other person can you, one would
have been fine, but no, you always have to go above and beyond.”
“Alannah, stop freaking out, everything is going to be fine, you’ll see. I
need to go and get another teddy bear.” I smile. I grab a hold of her chin
and force her to look into my eyes. I understand it’s a surprise but we can
handle it and I try to convey that to her.
“Then you push them out.”
After the shock wore off on the drive home, we were both all smiles.
Her doctor gave us a number of leaflets to read through and things to be
aware of with carrying twins, sure there is risk involved with every
pregnancy but I was worried about Alannah coping with the strain her body
was about to go under, but first there was one little person we had to tell.
Charlotte had previously asked to be a big sister however now that it was
happening would she be just as excited as we were.
 We’ve just finished eating dinner and before Charlie bolts out of her
chair to leave Alannah takes hold of her hand and smiles at her.
“Daddy and I have something very important to tell you,” she begins.
“Am I getting a puppy? Or a kitten?” We both laugh at her, this kid will
do anything for a pet.
“No, it’s something even better, well we think it is. Mummy is having a
baby.”
“Really?” Her face splits into a grin while her wide eyes are darting
back and forth between us. “You’re not shitting me?”
“Okay first of all, watch your language and I’ll be having words with
your Aunt Melissa too, but yes, you’re going to be a big sister.” She
screeches, her fists clench and she stands up proceeding to jump up and
down on the spot from her excitement.
Alannah pulls her into her arms, moving her hair off her face.
“I’m glad you’re happy about this, in fact I’m having twins, so you’re
getting two siblings.”
“No way!” She whispers. “Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you. This is so
cool, please don’t be boys, they’re smelly and loud.”
“Well I can’t guarantee that but they will love you and you will love
them no matter what they are.” Charlotte leans down to press her small
hand on her mother and talks to her mother’s stomach.
“Hi in there, we’re gonna have so much fun together but don’t forget
I’m in charge.”
As the months went by and our children and Alannah grew I would
watch her with awe, she had this glow as she kept our children safe, one
particular day as I had my hand on her stomach it hit me that all these
things I’m enjoying are the things I missed out on previously with Charlotte
so I made sure to spend extra time with Charlie, just the two of us. I
couldn’t go back and do it over again but I also didn’t want her to see me
paying attention to Alannah and talking to the twins while she was carrying
them and wonder about when she was pregnant with her and the fact I
wasn’t around. My old asshole self wanted to beat myself up. I loved her
and ensured I told her every single day. Alannah told me not to worry so
much, that Charlie won’t even remember that time but it’s something I
needed to do for myself.
My assistant knocks on my door bringing me in my lunch. I thank her as
I place the photo down and pick up my chicken wrap. Chicken and I have a
strained relationship ever since Alannah’s crazy craving with it.
“Nick? Are you sleeping?” I feel shaking on my shoulder. My eyes are
stinging and I don’t want to open them. I force myself to roll over and face
her. I squint at her noticing she is sitting up with the lamp on. I grunt in
answer. “I’m hungry. I want chicken.” She’s seven months along and is
beginning to struggle to move around.
Chicken again? It’s been chicken for the past week now. We had it for
dinner and there were no left overs. Her cravings are killing me, it’s always
something random and never anything twice in a row except fucking
chicken. One day it would be ice cream and two days later salty nuts.
“Really Alannah, it’s one in the morning, where am I going to get a
chicken in the middle of the night? I can visit a farm and pick you up a fresh
one if you like.” Okay I’m being a dick but I’m fucking exhausted and need
to be in the office at seven for an international call.
She starts to cry and covers her face with her hands.
“You don’t care.” She sniffles.
I sit up, and hug her to me removing her hands and wiping her tears.
“Baby you know I don’t mean it, I’m just tired, I was asleep two minutes
ago but seriously, how about eggs instead, they come from chickens?”
One month after that we were welcoming our babies into the world.
They were a month early but it was to be expected with twins. I admit I was
a mess and freaking out. Alannah went into labour in the afternoon, we left
Charlotte at the house with my parents and rushed to the hospital. At the
last check-up we had we were advised that the baby in front was breech, we
were hoping it would turn on its own but it never did so we had no choice
but for Alannah to have a caesarean. As she was taken into the operating
room while I changed into scrubs I was uncertain and fearful, our lives were
about to change drastically, I was praying that they all come out alright
from this.
Finishing with my lunch I go to the first photo ever take of them as
babies. We never found out the sex so we were pleased to have one of each.
Kyle and Eliza Moore made their entrance with loud angry cries. They both
have their mother’s brown hair and cute little button noses, my son has my
grey eyes and his sister her mother’s brown. They were perfect in every
way, so tiny and precious and I instantly became overprotective over them.
It was love at first sight.
 We have been left alone to bond with the babies while we wait for Wade
to bring Charlotte to meet her siblings.
“Thank you, baby. I love you, I love our family, I am so proud of you,
you are incredible.” I take her face in my hands and lay a loving kiss on her
only to be interrupted by a cry. I guess I should get used to it.
Little Eliza is fussing so I go over to her bassinet. It takes me a couple
of tries to pick her up and bring her to my chest where she quietens down.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, am I holding her correctly?” I wasn’t
there for this with Charlie, I will be worrying over every little thing.
“Yes, just support her head and neck. You are an amazing father, Nick,
don’t worry so much it will come naturally to you, but you’re changing the
first diapers.”
I laugh softly to not disturb my daughter when there is a knock on the
door. Charlotte comes on in and pulls herself up on the bed.
“Be careful with mummy, she has a sore tummy.’ I warn however her
attention is glued to the baby in my arms. I take a seat and introduce her to
her sister first and then her brother.
“I’m a big sister.”
“You sure are.”
“They’re so wrinkly.” She crunches up her nose.
My phone dings with a message from Alannah pulling me out of my
daydream. I read her text letting me know Flynn and Rachael and their
families are coming over for lunch on Sunday. I changed my phone’s
background photo only yesterday and I can’t help but chuckle at it. It’s our
most recent family photo which was taken last Christmas, it has quickly
become one of my favourites, it just so happened to be taken at the exact
moment when Kyle gave a loud and smelly burp and it caught everyone’s
reaction to it.
Life with three kids has been both wonderful and challenging, they have
all had more scrapes, falls and bruises than I can count, they keep things
interesting and never fail to let you know when you’re wrong.
Charlotte has been an amazing big sister to the twins, they play, they
fight but she has always looked out for them, protected them, even lied for
them and they adore her but they have learnt to not disturb her when she’s
reading, she’s my little bookworm.
Eliza is an animal lover, she brings home all types of creatures much to
her mother’s delight, she begged and begged for a dog, we eventually caved
thinking a family pet would be a good thing to teach them all responsibility
so one day we brought home a chocolate coloured Labrador who they
named Coco. It was all fun and games until the day Eliza and Coco decided
to roll around in the mud together after a rainy day then trod through the
house with their muddy footprints. Alannah screamed bloody murder at the
sight of the carpet.
Kyle is my prankster, he likes to tell jokes and hide behind corners to
jump out and scare you, I’m certain Flynn has had a hand in a few of his
pranks, there is one day which I very well remember where he swapped the
sugar for salt, my morning coffee did not go down well that day.
The only dark cloud that fell over our family was the day we learnt that
our son had inherited the heart condition I fucking carry. He fell ill with a
virus when he was a few months old and we ended up in the hospital for a
week. It was a terrible time. Alannah spent that whole first day crying. She
was convinced we were going to lose him. I hated to see my wife hurting
and in tears, she somehow felt responsible which was crazy, if anyone was
to blame it’s me, I left them at the hospital that night and went home and
got drunk, the guilt eating at me for causing this but playing the blame
game wasn’t going to help anyone. I pulled my head out my ass, Alannah
and I talked and knew we had to be strong for him and each other and we
haven’t looked back and let it affect us since.
Growing up he tires a lot easier than his sister but other than that his
childhood is as normal as can be, he has yearly doctor’s appointments, he’s
tough, he’s a Moore and we don’t let things get the better of us. We’re
considering starting him on medication when he hits his teens if necessary,
we take it one day at a time, it’s all we can do. As far as he’s aware his heart
just works a little differently to his sisters.
My kids may bring me to want to pull my hair out but deep down
they’re good and kind and I wouldn’t have them any other way.

I wake up on Saturday to an empty bed and quiet house. Glancing at the

clock it tells me that it’s already 9:30am. I can’t believe I slept in past nine.
Alannah and the kids are probably done with breakfast by now. I stretch my
sore muscles and slowly get up.
I make my way to the kitchen where I greet my family. I get good
mornings from the twins and a kiss from my wife however Charlotte
ignores me. Good to see she’s still angry from last night.
She’s sixteen and wants to start dating. Over my dead body that’s
happening, she’s going to give me my first grey hairs, let me tell you that
was not a pleasant conversation yesterday. She brought up the topic over
dinner and argued until she was blue in the face, she even tried asking her
mother to talk sense to me, but Alannah just agreed that she was too young
and to wait another year. Overnight we have become the hated parents who
don’t understand. This must be payback for the shit I put my parents
through.
There is no denying she is a beautiful young lady just like her mother
and if I have to ban her from ever leaving this house in order to protect her
from those wormy little boys she goes to school with then I will, no matter
how much she argues.
Two hours later I’m standing at the front window, watching Charlie
walk down the driveway as she leaves to go to Mel’s place to help her set
up for her youngest son’s birthday party this afternoon. She still has not said
a single word to me all morning, stubborn female that she is. I recall the
first time I saw her in her yellow dress and pigtails, she was the sweetest
little girl, she still is and yet so much has changed, boy am I going to be
glad when these teenage dramas are behind us.
“Hey, there you are. What are you doing?” Alannah comes into the
room and stands beside me wrapping her arms around my chest glancing
out the window along with me.
“She’s growing up.” I sadly say as I see her get into one of our cars with
security.
“She is but she’s smart, Nick, we’ve done a good job raising her, she
won’t do anything too crazy.” I can only hope she’s right.
I let out a deep sigh.
“You know, yesterday while I was at work I was gazing at the photos on
my desk and thinking about where I would be right now if I didn’t come for
you, would I even know her, we definitely wouldn’t have those other two
trouble makers.” I turn to face my wife who has only grown in beauty over
the years.
 “Everything happens for a reason, honey, maybe it was always meant to
turn out like this, who knows? But I’m glad you did come for us, as much I
tried to hate and forget you I couldn’t, you were imprinted in my soul,
Nicholas Moore.” She stands on her tip toes to reach my lips.
“I’ve got an imprint right here for you.” I pull her to stand in front of me
with my arms around her waist as I push my erection into her ass, my lips
attacking her neck.
“Oh my God, stop, the kids are around somewhere.” She swats her arms
at me taking a step away and spinning to face me.
“I love you.” I tell her with as much sincerity as I can.
“I love you more.”
She rests her head on my chest and we just stand there in our living
room, content to hold onto each other surrounded by the sound of our
children laughing in the other room.
Sometimes the way we plan our lives out isn’t how they end up. We
make mistakes, we learn and grow. Things that are out of our control occur
but it’s how you deal with it that shows your strength and character.
After making the biggest mistake of my life I was lost. I was angry and
alone but importantly I learned to never take anything and anyone for
granted again. After my accident and going through a horrible period where
everything was a struggle, I almost gave up but I fought, I fought my body
to walk again and I fought for my heart and soul and it was worth every day
I spent in pain, whether physical or emotional to get here. Alannah has
given me a life full of happiness that I thought was lost to me forever. The
love of my family is my greatest blessing.
This is our happily ever after.
 AUTHOR’S NOTE

Thank you so much for reading and going on this journey with these
characters. This sweet, slow burn, second chance story was written a long
time ago and sitting on my laptop, it was never meant to be a published
book, but then I read over it and fell in love with Nicholas and Alannah all
over again, I hope you loved them as much as I did getting their happy ever
after.
If you enjoyed Making It Right please consider leaving a review.
Reviews mean the world to authors, especially those who are just starting
out.

Love Helen
xoxo
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My Beta Reader: Andrea thank you all so much for your help and
feedback in making this story the best it could be.

My Romance Rookies Ladies: You inspire me each and every day. I

admire how hard you all work to achieve your dreams. Thank you for being
loving and supportive and making me feel like I’m not the only one who
has no clue what she’s doing. You’re all amazing and I can’t wait to see
what you all create in the future. I love you all.

Lauren: I can’t thank you enough for bringing my vision to life. I couldn’t
have created anything half as beautiful without you.

The readers: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my
words. Your words of support mean the world to me. I hope I managed to
help you escape from your real life for even a short period of time.
 ABOUT HELEN

Helen is an Australian author, a wife, mother to two boys and carer to two new members of the
family, two guinea pigs named Thor and Shadow plus a major chocoholic. She has always had a love
of books, her love affair with romance starting with Mills & Boon books and historical romance
novels as a teen. She loves the journey to the happily ever after.

If you would like to know more about Helen, you can follow her at one or more of the below places.

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