PRACTICE

FORGIVENESS
Working on forgiveness can have a
powerful impact on someone facing
death. It can lead to a healing of the
spirit. It can help the dying person
have a more peaceful death. It can
help bring some measure of resolution
to a difficult relationship between a
dying person and a caregiver. It can
help reconnect the dying person to
someone they have been estranged
from for a long time. It can help
dissipate anger, resentment, and
bitterness, which can poison the last
days of life.
Everyone hurts, disappoints, angers, or
fails people in their lives. It is
unavoidable in human relationships.

Unfortunately, we don’t pay enough

attention to these harmful events in
our lives and work on forgiveness
when they happen. Sometimes we
aren’t even aware of the hurt we have
caused. Nor do we offer forgiveness to
others who harm us.

As a person approaches death they

have a final opportunity to do this
important work.
For some, forgiveness comes more
naturally. For others it can be
extremely difficult. Of course, the
nature of the harm someone caused
influences how hard it will be to
forgive.

Dying people often turn to doulas to

talk about their need for forgiveness or
their desire to forgive. This happens
because doulas are not family or
friends. They don’t have a complicated
emotional connection to the person,
nor will they judge the person based
on a personal history with them.
The role of the doula is to encourage
working on forgiveness when a person
wants to travel down this road, and
then offer them the tools to do it.

But, doulas must also support people

who can’t make this journey. We have
to hold on to compassion for those
who don’t want to forgive or can’t
seem to take the first step. No matter
what happens, doulas have to let go of
the outcome or they will absorb pain
and suffering that isn’t theirs.

There are many ways to work on

forgiveness. We want you to practice
one approach now. You will find a
description of it by going to “Practice—
Forgiveness Meditation,” in the Vigil
Moments section.

Forgiveness doesn’t happen by

practicing this, or any other approach,
just once. Often you will have to do it
many times to even begin healing. Try it
now and then again later.

When you have completed this

practice, go to “Discussion Forum:
Forgiveness Meditation Experience,” to
share how this practice felt to you.